deviantplum

[deviantplum]

My body is a Temple

And it is dedicated to Hedonism, so do not question the Holiness of my Sacred Rites (eating pastries and smoking a lot of weed.)

[deviantplum]

If you were a meteorological event, you'd be Hail, because you're beautiful and bizarre, and I'm also pretty sure you could put a hole through my car's roof if the circumstances were right.

If you were a flower, you'd be a Rose.

Because you're delicate, but you're also not afraid to cut anybody that tries to touch you.

[deviantplum]

If you were a fungus, I bet your fruiting bodies would be so exquisite, humans would go wildly out of their way just to take pictures with them.

If you were a flower, you'd be a Rose.

Because you're delicate, but you're also not afraid to cut anybody that tries to touch you.

[deviantplum]

If you were a flower, you'd be a Rose.

Because you're delicate, but you're also not afraid to cut anybody that tries to touch you.

[deviantplum]

[eyes you up and down] I bet stray animals instinctively trust you

[deviantplum]

You make a valid point, but what if she's scooping up passersby and dropping them from that height, while laughing maniacally?

Then is it appropriate to say a polite hello?

She's a Ten

(in meters ominously floating above the ground)

[deviantplum]

She's a Ten

(in meters ominously floating above the ground)

[deviantplum]

I put the STRAP in

STRAnge aPparition

[deviantplum]

Hot Date Idea: we go hang out in the woods near a golf course, making weird noises until we inspire a new local Cryptid legend, and the golf course gets abandoned and reclaimed by nature.

[deviantplum]

"Suddenly awoken in the middle of the night, besieged by unseen foes. Taking heavy damage, but my enchanted herbs are leveling the fight."

Sounds better than "pain flare woke me up, and now I'm smoking weed about it" and, really, it still conveys all the pertinent information.

[deviantplum]

I'm in the mood to wander into forbidden places, accept their cursed offerings, and rule the Underworld as we rise against those arrogant tyrants on Mount Olympus

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[deviantplum]

This was Edward's mistake. Once you get in there, don't do creepy stuff like watch them sleep, or fantasize about drinking their blood. Just burrow into a soft corner and start hissing

How to Get Your Crush's Attention:

Build a blanket fort in their living room, curl up inside of it, and hiss whenever anyone approaches you. This will activate their Deep-Seated Instinct to Befriend Feral Things, and they will be pspspsing you in no time.

[deviantplum]

Will they be concerned about how you got into their house? Probably, but it doesn't matter, because who could hear the sounds of their alarmed accusations over your frantic hissing?

How to Get Your Crush's Attention:

Build a blanket fort in their living room, curl up inside of it, and hiss whenever anyone approaches you. This will activate their Deep-Seated Instinct to Befriend Feral Things, and they will be pspspsing you in no time.

[deviantplum]

How to Get Your Crush's Attention:

Build a blanket fort in their living room, curl up inside of it, and hiss whenever anyone approaches you. This will activate their Deep-Seated Instinct to Befriend Feral Things, and they will be pspspsing you in no time.

[deviantplum]

[flirting] I bet you've banished a lot of Wandering Travelers to a Desolate Oblivion, by besting them at their Mysterious Card Game.

[deviantplum]

I try to be understanding about cultural differences, but how was I supposed to know that when you said you wanted "eggnog" it did not mean laying eggs inside your noggin??

[deviantplum]

An Advent Calendar, but behind each door there are no gifts, just increasingly dire warnings.

Day One: It isn't Safe

Day Two: The Danger Grows ever Closer

Then by the end it's like:

Day 24: Hurry! There's NO TIME!! You have to get out NOW!!

Day 25: It's too late!! HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YO—