#i really wish they wouldn't cause problems for me at work tho

[actual-corpse]

45Ib weight: TEAM LIFT

Me: fuck you... I do what I want- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I'LL KILL WHOEVER GETS IN MY WAY WHILE I CARRY THIS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF I DROP THIS ON MY FOOT IT'S ALL OVER AAAAHHHHHH!- Hell yeah! I'm Stronk!!!

[alcalystrasz]

Jonathan's words for Will is really what he needed to hear. After feeling like a "mistake" for so long, Will really needed support and Jonathan was here. This moment was so cute, tender and sentimental, with a Jonathan that remembers his brother that he'll always love him for whoever he is, and how he feels, and a Will that cries of happiness because he understands he'll always have his support.

I kinda hope next season we get to have more scenes with them, with Will still having the thing for Mike and Jonathan being either like "You should go for it" or like "Stop thirsting over him, there's no point." I really hope it's the first one tho. Cause we know Jonathan really cares about Will, I still have this horrible scene from season 1 in my head. Like when I watched it the first time I wasn't bothered and then watching it a second, third and fourth it really got me like... he really had to check the trunk. It's sad we didn't get the meaning of this scene, like why did Jonathan go look for Will in Lonnie's car trunk, like what the hell did happen in the Byers house for him to think he could be in there? I wish we knew more about the Byers back story when Lonnie was still around. Breaks my heart. Anyway, so just to say that Jonathan cares so much about Will, that seeing him telling his brother "Forget about him" wouldn't even be possible. Jonathan knows, and I think he really hates Mike, like after season 4 there's gonna be tension I feel like, lmao. I really hope we get to see more scenes between Jonathan and Will and Jonathan and Mike. Clearly there's something to build up.

So just to say that the bound between Jonathan and Will got really stronger after this cute and tender, and very emotional scene. And I hope they'll keep this bound and make it even more strong.

By the way, my theories will come soon, I just need more time because I have so many things to do, between school (homeworks and shit), my work and other stuff (family, health... problems), I can't really post them now. But stick here, I swear they'll come some day, but not now probably in a week!

Thanks for your patience

[mylittlesecrethaven]

How Relationships With Them Would Be: Pt 2

OH MY GOODNESS IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

Anyway, let's do this.

I'm finishing this up.

Even though nobody asked me to.

Vice housewarden time. (Also, I know some of the dorms don't have vice housewardens, but you know what I mean by these characters. Please don't comment or message or whatever and be like "Um, actually--" Cause I know. Don't worry. :3 Thanks tho)

Trey:

Ngl, perfect boyfriend material. I can't really see anything that would go bad unless you're just super stubborn about your teeth brushing habits. I think that's the only deal breaker for him.

MC: But I don't wanna brush my teeth now! I'm going to bed.

Trey: Do you know what can happen to your teeth by skipping even one brushing session?

MC: Don't know, don't care.

All in all, the only way this wouldn't work out is if you are the asshole.

Ruggie:

Pfft- You fucking wish. I mean, if you get close enough, maybe. But this boi would probably rather trick you and snatch your shit than try to date you. Of course, even if you did get close, he'd tease you to no end. (But if y'all were dating, I'd say he'd be a pretty ok boyfriend)

MC: Um... where's my wallet?

Ruggie: Oh, I used it to buy food.

MC: Oh, how much food?

Ruggie: As much as I could get with whatever was in there.

MC: ...

Ruggie: And then I sold the wallet for some quick cash.

MC: ....my wallet....

Yeah, you could never keep anything valuable.

Jade:

Unless you're into sadism, you'd fucking die. Also, if you hate mushrooms, good fucking luck. And if you piss him off? You're family would never find you again. I swear, being with this guy would always have you on edge.

MC: Um... Jade? I may have.... sorta.... kinda.... destroyed one of your terrariums... On accident though!

Jade: *silent stare*

MC: ....Jade?....

Jade: *creepy smile thing he does*

(And then MC either goes missing, gets left up on a mountain, or has to work all of Jade's shifts at Monstro Lounge for a month while also helping maintain all of his garden shit)

So yeah. Unless you're ok with constantly being watched for weakness or blackmail, I'd say don't date this psycho.

Jamil:

I mean.... maybe? He's super weird about trust, so even getting close to him would be hard. If y'all are close, I'd say it'd be ok. He probably wouldn't have as much time for you as you'd like since he has to deal with Kalim all the time. Otherwise, I'd say he's ok.

MC: Can we go on that date tomorrow?

Jamil: No. Kalim is hosting another party.

MC: Again? He just had one yesterday, and I've been trying to get us to go on a date for weeks.

Jamil: Can't. Sorry.

Kalim would honestly be your biggest problem while actually dating Jamil. I'd say he'd be almost as good as Trey, otherwise.

Rook:

Another maybe. Sorta like how Jamil has to deal with Kalim, Rook is obsessed with Vil, so you'd kinda have to fight for attention. Honestly, you'd have to fight for his attention with everything. If you're a dull person, you stand no chance in pulling his eyes and actually dating him. However, unlike Jamil who has pretty much no choice in having to deal with Kalim, you'd have to live with the fact that Rook actually chooses other stuff over you.

MC: I made this cool art piece!

Rook: And it is beautiful! *goes back to watching Vil*

MC: That's.... that's it?

Rook: *still watching Vil* It is an amazing work of art! *pause* Oooo! Vil looks stunning today!

I feel like you'd have to have really high self-esteem to deal with being showed up by other stuff. It'd honestly really suck.

Ortho:

No

Lilia:

Honestly? Probably an ok boyfriend. As long as you're also a prankster, at least. If you're too dull or very lowkey, he'd probably gloss right over you. But if you're bubbly and hyperactive like him? Then yes. It'd also work if you're lowkey, but spook easily. I'd say he's alright.

Lilia: *appears behind MC* Hello!

MC: *nearly jumps out of their skin*

Lilia: *laughing*

MC: Not funny!

Not as good as Trey, but I think he'd be fine otherwise. The only big issue would be secrets, so if you aren't ok with your partner keeping a few private details to themselves, Lilia probably wouldn't like you as much. (Or maybe he'd like you more cause he'd get to tease you with it, but you might not like it yourself)

[doomednarrative]

What do you think of Geats ending that you feel doesn't stick the landing?

I'm going to answer this with the assumption that you are asking me in good faith and not looking to start a fight, and I feel the need to say that considering how people acted in my inbox last time I gave any longer thoughts reguarding Geats. If that's the case then I'm more than happy to talk about my critiques.

(Though bear in mind that it's been almost a year since I watched the series now so I might be a lil spotty on details.)

I think the thing with the ending that bothered me most now that I've had time to sit on it is that making Ace into an Actual God makes him feel more distant as a protagonist. Why did he struggle so much through so many lives if he doesnt Also get to rest and enjoy finally seeing those efforts thru with the first friends hes managed to make during all that time yknow? And I know he makes a point to say that like it's Not his fight anymore, he's passing it off to Neon Michinaga and Keiwa, but like. I still don't enjoy that tbh.

The thing that kills me is that like, after watching Ex Aid especially (which I overall enjoyed much more and has become my favorite of the Riders I have seen, and can compare since it's also Takahashi's work with similar tropes), is that I don't feel like we had the same problem with the likes of Emu even tho he's supremely overpowered compared to everyone else. In that show, it does become a Combined effort to end things. Emu couldn't have done it without Parad as his copilot to properly make Muteki work, and Muteki wouldn't even exist had Kuroto not made the gashat in the first place, that one couldn't be manifested like lv 99 could. Emu very much retains his humanity even with being very different to everyone else, and I really wish that could have been the same for Ace for Geats as well.

That's the Main thing that I wasn't as happy with about Geats ending. It wasn't my favorite, but I could at least accept it cause it still sorta works at the end of the day. The problem is that it's not the only thing in the last 10 episode stretch that I disliked, which made it feel like the icing on a cake that started really strong and turned out disappointing the more you ate.

I also disliked:

The entire set up with Keiwa's dark arc, especially how he was complicit in made Tsumuri suffer for the power he gained (I'm tired of seeing woman specifically suffering in Takahashi shows to forward the men's stories and just in rider in general.)

Neon both only getting a half suit final form in comparison to the guy's full suit upgrades, and the added idiocy of her arc conclusion coming from her fuckin father of all things when her entire story to that point had been finding love from the people who didn't abuse her her entire life. It felt shitty coming from someone who was also struggling with the same family issues at the time of watching, and I Know there are cultural differences at play here so I can't fully critique that like a Japanese fan could, but it personally soured my viewing of the show and for Neon's story in particular.

All in all, Geats is a show that I still enjoy for my own reasons (mainly Michinaga and Ziin) but has fallen in my rankings after seeing better shows in the franchise. If other people feel differently then that's fine and to each their own. This is solely my own personal opinions on it all.

[taintedsoul-if]

Deep in T's revenge route will Mc never find love with anyone? Because getting together with someone else after breaking T's heart as if to say "You never meant anything to me at all" sounds sweet. And it's kinda sad that only the Mc's in this route never get love even tho I think its kida fair.

If we can't, in the deep revenge route is there any possibility that we can at least end up with someone else as a main lover and T as the side piece? (Not in a cheating way, more like T's never first option for Mc) Bc I wanna make T suffer with the same poison they wanted Mc to have, wich means that they can be with Mc but by being no more than a bedwarmer on the side never the main lover for Mc. Like a plan B of sorts.

"If you want my attention you can have it... If you beg enought on your knees I might give it as a pity prize" <- That's the only tipe of "love" or "affection" | want my Mc to have for them (As you can see T is my favorite Ro haha)

Does Mc gets so deep in their revenge that they can't love anyone else while in T's route? Or does the Ro's simply wouldn't accept Mc's plans if it meant getting intimate with T for it to work? In the other Ro's routes would we still be able to get our revenge on T?

Hey. How are ya? I hope all is well.

So before getting deep into this ask let me just clarify something. As you can all see we have two different revenge routes. And each route will be different. For the hard core revenge route MC is unhinged. They're adamant on taking revenge on the "ones" who murdered the OH in cold blood. MC would stoop to the lowest of the lowest just to destroy these people lives. And their first act of revenge is having a secret illicit affair with the ex of the original host. For this route Trysten/Trista will be like a hedgehog. The feelings they locked away all those years ago will resurface and deepen even more. This route will cause alot of problems for the imperial family and the OH father's family as well. (Let violence Rain/Reign!!! 😈😈)

The soft core option is the one where MC doesn't really give much thought to Trysten/Trista's existence. This route is a mixture of indifference and confusion. MC knows that they shouldn't fall for them yet they can't stop themself from seeking them out when they enter a room. While on the other hand MC wants to punch the daylight out of them. So for the soft core route there will be two options as well. Indifference/throttle to death or turn a blind eye to everything Trysten/Trista did to the OH. For this route Trysten/Trista pigish ways will be on full display. (Hope I didn't confuse you.)

Alright so on to the ask.

If the MC choose the hard core revenge route they'll be automatically locked out of the other ROs route. The ROs wouldn't be comfortable knowing that their spouse is using their body to enact revenge. The ROs wouldn't accept the MC having a "side piece" with them. MC is better than that, why would they stoop to trysten/Trista level? That's would be the first question they would ask. So that is a no but for the soft core there will be a bit of redemption for the MC's love life.

Most certainly. Even if the MC has no entanglement with the slangman/woman Trysten will still sway infront of them. They won't be able to accept that the MC feelings for them has died and that the MC wishes to live a good life without them.

Also getting intimate isn't the only way one can enact revenge from this slag. The royal family has alot of secrets. Grabbing the Montholon family's handle will be the best revenge.... but I would advise be careful.....

Remember Trysten/Trista is hated by the other ROs. Emphasis on the hate when it comes on to Nyssa/Nyala. 😏. The MC doesn't have to use their hands to get revenge they can always leave the hard work to Cadmus, Atticus and Nyssa/Nyala..... but hey that's food for thought. Right?

**********

Thank you for the ask and have a wonderful day. See ya! 😋

[webslingingslasher]

hey! i just wanna chat and get this weight out of my chest. see, i'm in college and last year i told my 2 friends i found this boy in class really handsome. lets call my friends tiffany and lizzie just so its easier to understand. so, tiffany immediately agrees and starts calling this boy "our boyfriend" and i pretend i'm ok with that even tho i was actually interested in him. us 3 start getting close to this boy, and now we're actually close friends, but tiffany keeps flirting with him and i know he's into her. the problem is: i started to really like him. like, not just for fun or because i'm bored (i usually start liking people when i'm bored then just get over it). i told tiffany i liked him and she said "ok, he's YOUR boyfriend now" and the jokes stopped for like a week before she started it again — and just after that it became clear to me that i had no chances with him and he wanted her. i tried really hard to get over him, even though it damaged my self-esteem that he wouldn't even see me as an attractive girl, instead only having eyes for her. and it would hurt even worse knowing she's flirting with him when i told her i felt bad about it. i care about her so much and i wouldn't dare even looking differently at someone any of my friends are interested in. so, yesterday lizzie told tiffany she should just talk to the guy so they could make out (in brazil we call it "ficar", when you're kinda having casual kisses and stuff) and asked me what i thought about it. i didnt even reply cause i know they'll think i'm dramatic and exaggerating. it's really not about the guy, you know? its about my close friend choosing her horniness over a friendship. am i selfish and annoying? idk what to think, it just makes me uncomfortable that they'll gonna end up dating and I KNOW they will. it even gets me thinking "i wish i was as pretty and hot as her" and i dont wanna go back to that place, i've been working on my self-esteem for a while and it kills me to backslide to the jealousy and insecurity

tiffany isn't a real friend.

it's not her fault 'boy' is interested in her, it's her fault she made herself available.

i'm sorry you're feeling bad about yourself, even if i don't know what you look like, i can promise you're beautiful. if you need a pick me up though, it seems like tiffany is really ugly on the inside.

lizzie isn't a friend either. she didn't need to do that in front of your face/in the group chat. i'm sending you a hundred hugs anon.

[sincelastsession]

Vent post. Take with grain of salt.

My articulation is not how I wanted it to come out and so idfk if it'll read right. Just understand I'm not trying to act like a bitch. I'm processing.

I was gonna get food but now I feel like I can't fucking eat. I feel once again completely misunderstood and it's really frustrating.

I feel like assumptions etc are constantly made. I'm not even known yet. Have the charts for all the work I have done been found?

Am I just bad at being a person.

Sure I'd love to have a magical fix it medication but I'm on xanax (nessesary not only for psych but for other issues) and I smoke weed for pain and ptsd. It's highly unlikely I'll ever get Adderall to function unless I stop the weed. The weed is primarily for servere chronic pain. I used to get punished for CRYING so I'm not really ever showing how much I hurt.

I understand a conversation is turn taking. I am worried about time. I'm worried about being misunderstood. I feel rejected. Idk perhaps it was the delivery. I'm triggered. It just feels like the same as everyone else tired of me and when they tell me I'm too much. There's people that don't who have no problem with me being myself just talking how I talk. I understand it's not conducive to every situation. I don't like how this lack of hunger and anger and irritation and frustration is the result of that. Because how do I know I've been understood. How do I trust that?

It's incredibly hard for me to even be open enough to process it via writing in this blog.

I get it and I don't get it.

I really wish I could get my charts to save a hell of a lot of time. Yeah there's urgency for me. I never feel like I have time.

I miss my old psychiatrist because this shit wouldn't be happening. I'd be able to take my med and he would be brave enough to speak to the medical board.

I think a lot of people think I'm trying to discount how hard I'm struggling just being a person doing normal things. My executive dysfunction is terrible.

As far as meds go I've been on EVERYTHING and it's quite possible some of those meds contributed to fucking me up. I see a geneticist. I've had medical testing done. I have genetic mutations that cause me issues with a whole mess of medications.

I'd have to stop taking certain thinks to do the ket treatments and with my cptsd I'm not sure that that is a good idea. I don't want to experience side effects or an adverse reaction. I've almost died enough. I'd LOVE to try a SGB or TMS but my insurance doesn't cover it.

The sheer amount of adrenaline rush I felt and what I was able to absorb is not great. Just being told that even though no harm was meant was super triggering because it's not something I've been able to easily fix. The sheer amount of energy I'm putting into managing other things while I'm trying to listen etc I wish I could get someone to understand.

Idk if there's a different way it can be looked at. I'm not trying to be ride or take the session over. I know it's best intentions but honestly it felt like criticism and a cognitive distortion like an assumption directed at me. I understand that I'm not easy. But understand I don't have control over it fully. I don't always feel like im driving this fuckin flesh prison.

It is frustrating to have a brain that goes incredibly fast.

It's frustrating to feel completely rejected even tho I was told that's not what it was it still feels that way because it's very hard for me to trust anyone fully.

It's frustrating to be at a loss for words.

I do feel like I need to defend myself. Because shit I'm so fucking tired of hearing how I'm difficult basically. No it's not easy for everyone to talk to me an no not everyone can wrap their brain around what I'm experiencing.

I just feel gross. I want to eat I went to get food but now I'm sitting in a fucking parking lot with a cop staring at me as I cry and vent and feel overwhelming feelings.

You know it's not just family that hasn't heard or seen me. It's been therapists and doctors etc...

So that is related to trauma.

This is a controversial opinion of mine but I truly feel sometimes that a therapist will think they have me figured out and they don't, I feel like this process happens way too fast. I didn't even notice a cue or get a chance to jot down a reminder. I'm trying to listen to listen. I was trying to save time. I was trying to communicate.

I needed to talk about other things. But I feel like I've just been told everything I'm doing and saying us wrong and that is generally what people do to me when I try to speak.

It feels so shitty.

It takes forever to regulate when people point shit out that I'm aware im doing but can't really control. Like yes I get it. It does make things hard.

I feel that ppl think I'm trying to shoot down everything but this isn't new to me. I'm not trying to be defensive or whatever it looks like. I'm just trying to communicate before the thought poofs from my brain or save ppl the trouble of telling me shit that I'm completely aware of. I don't really plan to fuck up and interrupt etc it just happens and I don't feel that I have full control over that.

I am pissed because I'd really like to get my damn files from the last therapist I'd made headway with.

I originally thought I'd be doing emdr which we've discussed you aren't certified in.

I don't want to quit therapy. I'm scared I'll get the talk and it feels like I'm already about to be discarded so quickly.

Do I have proof that any of this is true? No.

It's just currently how I feel.

I had plans the rest of the day and now I can't even think to figure out where I needed to go and what to do. I can't pick a food. I'm not wanting to go to the post office. I feel like I'm shutting down.

I do have a suggestion that may actually help because I'm not sure if you know how you came across visually when you spoke to me.

I notice patterns I see micro expressions. I can see anger in people even if it's more a frustration.

So idk maybe put a mirror up and look at how the body language etc may come across. Or better yet perhaps say it to yourself in the mirror.

Look I'm probably still coming across in a way that will be misinterpreted or would be by someone else.

I don't want to build resentment so I'm sharing my CURRENT feelings which are subject to change.

I wish you could understand what's going on in my brain and could just magically understand but it takes time with me.

And yeah I'm always worried about everything.

I'm worried you'll read this along with everything else and just be like OH GOD NOPE

A Tree can't describe the Forest.

I have trouble wording things so sometimes also when I've got it in my head worded well and I'm telling people and I get chided even gently even just someone pointing out that I've interrupted and that is so triggering because it took me so long to try to figure out how to word it and then it goes unheard everyone feels unheard there's this mess and it's my fault and the import thing is gone. I get tongue tied. I stutter. I have trouble articulating sometimes.

I'll try to continue to not fuck up but I already feel I have with this post with my reaction with the obvious frustration which is not invalid because I know you're trying to help.

This is similar to how I react to my mom and dad via text but honestly 1000x nicer.

I don't even feel like I've said anything right in this post.

I feel like I'm completely not understood.

I understand locus of control. I don't feel that I even have a full locus of control though.

When you have autonomy when you first develop it and it's suddenly under micromanage control and you grow up with passive neglectful controlling fucking insane people who do the same shit you get fussed at about it's really hard.

I don't feel like a whole person. I feel like I'm just the manager or the pilot. Idfk where my core is my inner child etc. I know that I age regress sometimes. I know I do a ton of things but I'm not always in the driver's seat.

I don't understand myself either. I feel like parts of me are in charge of various things.

I hate this entry.

I just feel shame. I just want to hide.

Maybe I should play the 13-15 or so minute long audio I have of a past abuse so you can understand how absolutely nasty I'm spoken to and why it's so triggering to even hear constructive criticism etc...

I'll make more entries later. I still need to let my emotions chill out.

I am worried that therapy is now a trigger. Not because of you. Because it has always been me trying to tell people what is happening. I had times where cps should have been called but because I was interrupting etc... that was more of a focus than my own safety. No adult in my life has stood up to any abuser and done anything about it.

Now I'm an adult who is profoundly fucked up and like idfk how to be understood or to trust that I'm being heard or understood or anything

I feel like the people that get it in my life are the ones that have had a very hard life not the same as me but on level with me.

I don't know if this shit is gonna help you understand me any or if I've just unintentionally confused you more or whatever.

I have to go ahead and go home. I don't have the bandwidth to do anything else today. I'm pissed about it. I had plans.

Is it your fault? No. You don't know me. You don't know everything. You weren't not being professional. I don't know how to explain how it triggered me. If I could play it back to you I'd point it out the moment so you could understand.

I don't want to delete parts of this that I could go write better. It's hot, I'm trying to wrestle my emotions, I'm embarrassed, I'm still various forms of upset. I need to eat but im just sitting in this wholefoods parkinglot crying like an idiot. I feel like I've wasted a session talking about the wrong things thus creating a stupid kerfuffle.

I guess I'll see you next week.

[elliebear666]

Started feeling kinda paranoid lately. I think it's due to stress. I feel like somehow my blog is being like... broadcasted to tons of people, including Dr. Fox, YouTube channel clinical psychologist.

I swear I feel like bro is making videos that mirror my shit and I get paranoid lol. But uh... pretty sure that's not happening and I'm just stressed out.

Tbh I guess... I've been dealing with paranoia for a while. In more like, "They're not being honest and they're being nice to get things from me," type ways. I have had auditory hallucinations w FEW times. But it's always when I'm stressed. I didn't feel I was manic or anything. And um... idk. I was hyper paranoid a while ago, thinking everyone in town was watching me and plotting against me, to kill me or send me away or whatever. I saw a black and a white car parked together and said to myself, "Oh boy. They know. I wonder if they're going to nab me and put me in one of the care." Just crazy shit I guess.

I haven't listed all the ways in which BPD symptoms have affected me since teen years and especially young adult and beyond. I wish Dr. Fox could be like, "Here's what's up. Sorry I can't treat you cuz like you live in a different state. But like you should do this to improve."

I suppose one of the most frustrating aspects is that I have been in therapy for like 10 years and I still have BPD issues.

I mean, I think my psychiatrist and therapist are right? I mean, I've pathologically expressed BPD traits since even before adulthood. And eventually was exhibiting all 9 traits.

I guess part of the thing too is... I do have unrealistic expectations of having my needs met. Because I guess? I have a lot of needs... I'm needy. And clingy. And when I inevitably fail? I spiral like a crazy person. I like... did awful shit to my ex. I split on her and said evil shit and I hate myself for what I did.

I wonder what the difference between moderate and severe BPD is tho. Like... my issues were so bad someone had to get the law involved because I was stalking them... which is absolutely valid. I'm working on being better and atoning. But um... I feel like I may have been moderate at one point, you know? But I feel like I progressed to severe. It was bad. Splitting, rage outbursts, risky behavior, constant freakouts, extreme emotional reactions to almost everything all the time, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment and spiraling to insanity and speeding and risky, dangerous behavior anytime I felt rejected or abandoned. Hurting myself all the time. Severe dissociation that has caused lapses in memory for years. Anger and rage that destroyed friendships and relationships and hurt family. Constant and overwhelming feelings of emptiness. Never knowing who I am and my identity shifting like the tides. Splitting and intense and obsessive relationships filled with fights and instability. Threatening suicide all the time. Being constantly suicidal. I got do in debt from impulsive spending that I... I had to take care if it but I was ruining my life. All this shit and more.

I feel like it was severe. I mean, it felt severe, right? It destroyed my life. Sometimes I wonder if I even have bipolar disorder at all and if it wasn't just BPD. But I'm pretty sure I do have bipolar disorder because the meds help to a degree.

But I still have had really bad BPD symptoms even on meds. But the amount that I've improved? It is astronomical. It is a massive change. I was doing therapy twice a week, and every other day at first I believe. I had no self and tried on every disorder in the book because I didn't want to have BPD tbh. I tried to convince myself I was evil because then I wouldn't feel bad and myself for what I'd done and my therapist and psychiatrist were like... "What's wrong with this diagnosis? Why is it so hard to accept?" And I was like... if I accept it, then I actually have to work on myself and problems. I can't keep lying to clinicians lmao. And... I was scared and ashamed and full of self hatred. Y'all should have seen me the first year or so with my new therapist. It was a fucking MADHOUSE. I got paranoid about her, thought she was involved in some great conspiracy against me, every crazy, paranoid, delusional thought? She became a favorite person and I'd split on her constantly. I threatened her and said I hated her and had to fight my mind's desire to lash out her or stalk her. I learned everything I could about her online... I was acting like a fucking psycho lmao. The level of unhinged shit I sent her in text? Constant all day every day.

So.... idk. I lied to my first therapist literally all the time. I don't even know why. I never told her about the severity of my real issues. I lied and lied and acted cool and fine, but eventually, as she peeled back the layers, she saw my emptiness and the void and my constant instability and rage and pain. I just... I was so guilty and ashamed and just... I didn't want anyone to know what was going on. I barely talked about abuse. I never mentioned being molested and all the horrific shit that happened.

So my BPD fucking... metastasized. I grew and spread and soon I was just a fucking disaster of a human being.

Idk.

I wish sometimes that I could have help from someone like Dr. Fox. But... again. Different state. My psychiatrist and therapist are helping immensely. But... idk.

Fuck

[la-rougo]

*SFW*--

Headcanon: what it's like to be Eden's producer

No tw, fluffs ;)

Ran Nagisa

Doesn't really think much about you

Low-key doubts your ability but you showed him that you can handle producer's job very well!

Wanted to know more about you especially your interests and what you like and dislike

The more time he spend with you the more attached he got with you :)

Is willing to help you with your job but doesn't understand it much

If you explain your producer job he will listen to you carefully and starting to learn more :D

Definitely will lend you a hand when you're really tired

Cares deeply for you a lot

Hiyori teases him about it

But really, he admit that he loves you as much as he love his unitmate

Other than producer's job, he's willing to help you with any kind of problems you're facing if he can

As much as he want to. He wouldn't want to get into your personal problems unless you're fine with it

"It would be a pleasure for me to help you while you're taking a rest, and I demand you to not deny my request"

Hiyori Tomoe

Same as nagisa when he first met you

Doubts a bit but he still accept you anyway

But then Impressed by your responsibility like, how the hell are you able to stay on your schedule track with the amount of works increasing?

Immediately likes you and wanted to get more closer to you

Tries his best to be your best personal cheerleader!

Tired? Snacks and water! Sad? Sunlit smile saves the day! Pressured? All ears!

Understands your problems and will always willing to help

Always cheer you up whenever you're in a bad mood and will always be there for you

He loves you so so much

Will give you a nickname when you two are close enough

"let's enjoy summer!~ please show your sunlit smile!-- there's the smile I've been waiting for! Now put the works down and come with me☆"

Ibara Saegusa

Highly doubts your ability and doesn't really care much about you

You do you he do his

Though hiyori told(forces) him to strike a NORMAL conversation to you

Got along a bit but doesn't want to admit

Low-key impressed by you doing anything that he didn't expect you to can

Even more impressed that you have as much energy as his

Thinking that you're worth something and starts to befriend you

He's very fascinated by how well you can handle your job

Still doesn't want you to work through your limit

He is also overworking himself a bit and understand your pressure, but he wants to be the only one who gets to suffer by it

Legitimately forces you to stop working and get some rest

Really cares and love you so much

Nagisa asked him about it of course

The man is too stun to speak whenever the conversation is about what you two have been going on

But he wishes to cherish you the rest of his life, you're like a gift from god and he loves it

"Producer! Stand up and go take a rest, I'll handle the rest!"

Jun Sazanami

First one to give your existence a glance

Helps you with getting along with his unitmate 'cause they're troublesome

Quite curious about your duties but doesn't want to interfere

Once you got along with everyone he seems to get more closer to you

Wants to know more about you of course, something about you just pique his interest

Personal bodyguard ngl if anyone gonna hurt you he can just go "BARK BARK BARK"

I'm sorry

But really tho

Curious to see you wearing any Eden's outfit

Curious of everything *cough* *cough*

Doesn't really often sees you since somebody has been gatekeeping you *cough* ibara *cough*

But still wishes you the best when you're not with him

But if you're with him then prepare for any kind of affection

He'll ask you about it of course

A single cuddle is what he needed

You give him million tho

Shout out to Jun dawg he's a brave boi

Gets very comfortable with you now

"producer...maybe stop paying attention to that paper and come get a hugs instead"

I love Eden sm Jndndjsjnfkdndn

[niuniente]

Niu, I'm so glad you said your inbox is clear cause I've been wanting to send you a message for months now. I FUCKING LOVE GRIMM AND PEARL SO MUCH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. The moment I saw them for the first time I was like "omg, I wish we got to see more of them, Grimm looks so cool" and then you started the GrimmxPearl comics and I LOST MY SHIT.

I fucking love our boy Alrick, I miss him a lot, but the G/P couple means the world to me. I hope you know I'm obsessed with your comic and I drop everything as soon as a new chapter is out. I wanted to know tho if you get any asian inspo for drawing Grimm? I think he would look so handsome in yukata. Anyway *takes a deep breath* that's it! Keep up the good work!!

To everyone reading; NEVER HESITATE TO CONTACT ARTISTS, WRITERS, COSPLAYERS ETC. If they didn't want you to interact with their stuff, they wouldn't even share them with you. Trust me when I say this; it is a FAR bigger (and serious) problem that no one contacts you and tells they liked what you did than them contacting and telling it to you. Whether this is via comments, messages, tags, reviews etc. Trust me on this one :3

I was really really surprised when people took Pearl and Grimm in so well. They were supposed to be just a little nod towards HQ workers and other faction leaders appearing in the comic 10. That's it. But, then I started to get comments and tags like "She snatched herself a husband out from that deal!! Wow!! How?!"

I was then "You know what? I want to know that, too!" That's why Primm is now running as its own story within Alrick's adventures. I'm enjoying the process of their story really a lot. It's a surprise to me, too. I have known since I started drawing Primm that what Grimm asked and a one scene from their journey but everything else is a surprise.

For your question about Grimm, when I wondered what he's wearing, he very clearly said that haori and jeans. So I let him have haori. I designed his belt to look like something which would go with haori. Because of his haori, I have implemented little things from Japan to Grimm.

I most likely have to draw Grimm in yukata at some point :3 I want to see that, too!

[saibug1022]

The Choices Sequels We Deserved: Part 2

These are my ideas for what we could have had, for all the sequels that should have been but were canceled. Feel free to leave any ideas or if there's another hypothetical sequel you want just let me know! I won't be doing the It Lives Anthology tho because of It Lives Within (checkout @itlivesproject, it's literally incredible, they have a demo up).

Nightbound 2

Okay, so. I have a lot of problems with the fact that we didn't get a Nightbound sequel. Number one being that we were so obviously supposed to get one. The ending of the book feels so just, rushed, like they'd already written the ending and had to go back and shoved in and changed a bunch of stuff because the stuff they had originally wouldn't make sense without a sequel to explain it. Number two is the amount of unanswered questions just...left there. So like Elementalists I am going to alter the ending of Nightbound 1 just a little to how I think it was originally or at least what I wish it was, and to fit with what I'm doing here.

Nightbound 1

Speaking of endings being rushed, Tialo, your half-brother get's exiled and it'd be such a good set up for him being the villain in book 2. Except, fun fact, he dies. There's a good chance you didn't know that, right? That would be because it's one of the scenes you get when you collect all of the tears. You get two scenes, one with Nik realizing the Fate was the one that hired him to to protect MC, saying that someone had to stop the bloodwraith and MC was the only one who could, and then she says that her, Nik, and MC's destinies are bound together by a force "beyond reckoning". Oh and we get a scene of Tialo getting eaten by either the giant alligator or a shadow monster. That's it. Just shoved in there at the end. Once again feels like it's shoved in there to wrap up a loose end, he's even swearing revenge on MC the whole time! Then he gets nommed by a random shadow monster? And don't even get me started on how obviously that scene with the Fate is setting up a second book.

Then there's the unanswered questions. Like what are MC's powers exactly? Is it just magic? And what, pray tell, is up with the Monster Tears? How can MC see them? The only other character who can is the Fate. And why does Nik have one? Why does the Fate keep calling him the "thrice-cursed son"? What exactly is the connection between Nik, MC, and the Fate? The MC and the Fate I actually understand but what makes Nik special? Isn't MC now literally the only heir to Lamrian after Thalissa dies with Tialo and Elric dead? And why does the Fate care so much about the MC? What happened with Katherine and that ghost on the Charon? Who's her employer?

I know this part about the first book in a post about writing the second is getting really long but I do want to summarize the five endings of Nightbound 1 really quick, so we're all on the same page

Going Home Ending (No Diamonds): This is the ending if you don't spend diamonds to stay with your LI. You head back to New York with Kristin and we see some scenes with each of the major characters (we see these scenes in the paid endings too, just slightly different depending on the ending): Krom and Garrus in the Graveyard Shift are making drinks and flirting. Vera is working with Ivy and Luc to get rid of her curse and it almost works but not fully, her touch now just causes pain the MC compares to "sticking your hand in water thats too hot" instead of death. Nik stalks a monster only for Katherine to swoop in and kill it then they both run off to kill another one. Cal is sitting on his porch and Octavia shows up and they decide to work together to fix the Pack. Then we flash forward to one year later with MC returning to Lamrian for the first time since Elric's death where they have a happy reunion with Thalissa and she offers to teach MC magic.

Nik Ending: MC is hunting with Nik when Katherine shows up

Vera Ending: MC is there with Vera, Ivy, and Luc when they try to break the curse

Katherine Ending: MC is hunting with Katherine and they steal his kill

Cal Ending: MC is with Cal on the porch when Octavia shows up

The only actual change I made to the ending is that Tialo didn't get nom-nommed by a big alligator

Nightbound 2

Game Mechanics

1. Polyamory

Obviously you pick your love interest in the ending. But in this that's just your main love interest at the beginning of the book

You can choose at the beginning of the book if you want to be able to romance other characters and if you say yes you can romance and date other characters with no consequences and your romance points from the first book with all the characters will carry over

Towards the end of the book, if you romanced other people your LI will approach MC and mention that they've noticed MC flirting with other people. LI will ask if they want an open relationship or an exclusive one

If MC says they do want an open relationship then them and the LI will ask who MC is in to (you'll be able to select more than one) and MC will be officially dating that person/those people. Then the LI and MC will go over boundaries for the open relationship and continue on with their lives

If MC says no then LI will ask if MC changed their mind and wants to date someone else, to which MC can say yes and then pick a different love interest or say no and the LI will be relieved and lightheartedly ask you to stop flirting with over people, MC will laugh and say yes and then you won't get romance points from anyone else

Similar to in Perfect Match, there will be differences to the ending depending on which character you have the most romance points with if you're dating 1-3 of the love interests, but if you're dating all four then it unlocks it's own special scene/ending

2. Light and Dark Points

Certain choices can give the character Light Points or Dark Points

Light Points are from "good" choices and Dark Points from the morally gray, not so heroic choices

Light and Dark points will affect certain lines of dialogue, character relationships, unlock choices, and unlock endings

General

Book 2 is going to pick up a few weeks after MC's visit to Lamrian, so a little over a year after the events of the first book

MC has been working on understanding the supernatural world more and working through their grief over Elric over the past year and then working on their magic the last few weeks

Cal and Octavia are still working on the Pack and Cal is the unofficial right hand however he isn't actually a member

Nik hasn't told MC about the Fate being the one to hire him and has been carefully avoiding all of that, focusing entirely on MC and hunting

Katherine is in the same boat, though while Nik and MC are mainly sticking to New Orleans and Louisiana, only venturing out of state when someone seeks them out with a contract, Katherine is bouncing all over the US, even venturing international every once in a while. The difference now is she has an apartment in New Orleans that she stays in between contracts and she stays in contact with MC's group

Vera started law school and moved back to New Orleans but she steers clear of her mother's world and with three Nighthunters, a werewolf high up in the Pack, and a Lord/Lady of the local fae colony, Smoke doesn't really fuck with her much other than random "gifts" like threatening Vera's professor when she fails a paper and shit like that

Plot

The book kicks off with Nik and MC (or just Nik if that wasn't your ending chasing down a shapeshifter on a seemingly regular case

But instead they get ambushed, something way more organized than the typical lone creatures

Even weirder is it wasn't just an organized group of shapeshifters, the ambush was made of a bunch of creatures that normally do not get along whatsoever: vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, even a nymph or two

Everyone is summoned to meet up at the Graveyard Shift and discuss what the heck that was

Everyone admits they've been noticing weird things like that too; Katherine has run into organized creatures too, Vera has been seeing less and less activity from her mom, and Cal has been hearing rumors from the Pack and a few wolves even left

They start trying to follow the chain of command to figure out what's going on, leading them much deeper into the Night World of New Orleans

They encounter new creatures and places, expanding the world beyond what we've seen in Nightbound and Bloodbound

Eventually they track it all to a new player named Elwin, a powerful and rich fae banished to Earth centuries ago

[First tear scene: Elwin going to Elric for sanctuary and Elric refusing because of what Elwin did]

Elwin wants to slowly bring all of the Night World under his control then use it to take over the humans, all starting with New Orleans

So yeah, the usual choices stuff, ya know?

The group knows they need help so they reach out to an unlikely ally: Lady Smoke

She's the most powerful person in all of New Orleans and Vera points out if there's someone trying to take over her mother's turf, she'll definitely want to do something about it

Hesitantly they go and surprisingly Lady Smoke agrees with little to no convincing. The only condition she gives is that Vera talk to her. Not even she joins the family business. Supposedly it's a show of good faith to her daughter

With Smoke's help they easily find where Elwin is holed up and they go to confront him

To the surprise of literally no one, Smoke betrays them immediately

With just about half the Night World now hunting them down, the group flees to Lamrian

They stay there for a few days where Thalissa teaches MC some more magic, there are some scenes with the LI and friends, but Thalissa also sits MC down and tells them that as the sole heir of Lamrian if they want Lamrian to help them take down Elwin MC needs to start preparing to take the role on to show they truly care about Lamrian and it's people

MC is overwhelmed and has a heart to heart with their LI and they go to Thalissa for the first lesson either out of duty or want to actually take over the colony

But they only get one lesson before suddenly the wards drop except this time it wasnt for violence within the colony, it was to let something in, and they were brought down from the inside

Elwin and Smoke's people storm Lamrian, causing chaos, destruction, and death, with dozens of fae getting captured

Lamrian and the group fight back but just when they're starting to win, Katherine puts a knife to Thalissa's neck

This is when we find out Katherine, even since the first book, was working for Elwin. He was her mysterious employer and the man who trained her as a Nighthunter, like Elijah did Nik. She took down the wards

Katherine leaves with Elwin and Smoke with Thalissa in tow, leaving MC to take charge of Lamrian

For the next few days the rest of the group begins searching for the captured fae and other prisoners taken by Elwin and Smoke while MC is trying their absolute hardest to not run Lamrian into the ground and it is not going well

One day, a figure appears in the throne room and reveals himself to be Tialo who managed to sneak into Lamrian while the wards were down and hide out during the chaos

The guards go to kill him but MC stops them so they can hear him out

He makes it very clear he still doesn't like MC and fully plans to take his revenge on them

However, his conflict is with them. He still loves Lamrian and his people, and his mother, so he offers his help

MC agrees (either out of good faith or begrudgingly is up to you) on the condition he acknowledges and agrees that he has no actual power and is only helping and teaching MC

Tialo manages to agree and he guides them through ruling Lamrian while also at war, proving himself to actually be surprisingly helpful

After a few days with him, MC's friends return with the intel they need and MC is forced to put Tialo temporarily in charge of Lamrian

The rescue mission is successful but in the process MC sees just how much of New Orleans Smoke and Elwin have forced under their thumb and what it's done to the city, spurring MC into action

MC begins to try and gather the main supernatural groups of New Orleans for the fight: The Fae (Lamrian), the Werewolves (The Pack), The Witches), the Vampires

Lamrian is scared and some will join MC but not enough to be very helpful unless even Tialo, who was very public about his distrust of MC, advocates for them which depends on MC's treatment of him

The Pack is in disarray with half the wolves thinking Smoke and Elwin are right and even Octavia is hesitant of going against the two because it would put her pack at risk

Cal and MC have to work through some of the Pack's issues and if successful Octavia will offer the Pack's help but only if Cal joins the Pack again as an official member

MC can either encourage or discourage him from doing it which determines if the Pack is at the final battle

For the vampires, MC meets with the new vampire kingpin and offers a favor in return for the vampire's help, along with a good word with the Council in New York, knowing Cal has friends there (reference to Bloodbound)

MC and Nik gather as many Nighthunters as they can reach for their help and get a mixed response. Some are willing, some are willing but need to be paid, but a majority refuse to follow MC because they're half fae

So MC has to promise the Nighthunters will actually be following Nik and then them and Nik need to steal a magical artifact that will allow the two of them to communicate telepathically, therefore letting MC command the Nighthunters through Nik

The Witches entail another trip to see the Fate and plead with her

The Fate is suspiciously willing to play along, even after the payment of secrets, but it's under the condition that Nik reveals what he's been hiding from MC: the fact that him, MC, and the Fate are connected by destiny

MC is obviously upset because they had a right to know, putting them and Nik at odds right before the final battle

The final thing that happens with the fate is the discovery of a tapestry detailing the Fate's descendants which Nik is on and the Fate explains how it works when confronted (details in Nik's segment)

Lastly is the final battle and your success or failure in other chapters determines how many allies arrive to assist MC

MC has a fight with Katherine and defeats her and has to choose whether to forgive her, not forgive her, or kill her

After the battle, MC decides whether to return Tialo to banishment, lift the banishment, or execute him

Endings

After the battle is won, all that's left is the two default endings: MC returning to their life (whether as a Nighthunter or not) or MC continuing to rule Lamrian

There are three other endings made available based on your choices

If you choose to forgive Tialo, MC can abdicate the throne to Tialo and either return to their life or become an important figure in Lamrian government but without ruling

Enough Dark Points will unlock the ending that after defeating Elwin and Smoke MC can choose to take over New Orleans Nightworld themself

Enough Light Points and rather than New Orleans just going back to how it was before, MC can form New Orleans own council with a representative from each of the major factions

Nik Ryder

Throughout the book weird things have been happening with Nik

He's been having prophetic dreams, he knows things about people he has no way of knowing without any idea of how he knows it, and in combat he’s been avoiding damage because he just knows every strike before it comes

There's even a diamond scene of MC comforting him after what he thinks is just a nightmare but it's also the first hint the dreams might be more than that

While talking him through the nightmare (one of the fights in the book and how MC dies if you pick the wrong choice) he keeps stressing how real it felt and finally admits he's been having dreams of events in the book days or even weeks before it happened

Then in the Fate's house the group discovers a tapestry depicting the Fate's entire lineage, one that seems to be magical and self-updating

However the most recent descendant is actually Nik

They go confront the Fate about this and she begrudgingly explains it's why she calls Nik "thrice-cursed son"

None of his ancestors had unlocked their powers and were forced to live solitary, tragic, supernaturally-driven lives like the Fate did, specifically for the three generations before him

What makes Nik different is his connection to MC

MC's connection to magic included Nik's, and when they unlocked their abilities at the end of the first book, it also unlocked Nik's which have been slowly making themselves known

Vera, Cal, and Katherine

Vera basically is just finally fully picking a side of with her mother or against her

She feels some conflict throughout the book (and MC's responses will get Light or Dark points) and depending on MC's encouragement will either spare her mother or kill her

Cal's arc is pretty wrapped up in the chapter with the Pack

Katherine we find out was raised by Elwin similar to how Elijah Ryder raised Nik and can read Elwin's journal showing how she was manipulated

So her arc is her being conflicted between her abuser/father and her new friends

[monsterkissed]

30, 47?

very sorry for the late reply i went to work and my soul vacated my body for the duration

30. Rank your order: Jojo main villains

diavolo is not a good villain in the sense of being good at being a villain. he causes all his own problems at significant personal loss for obscure and silly reasons that he expects everyone else to not only support but intuitively understand. he is not good at very much except being pretty and even then he's kind of cheating by getting scored twice. if this were a ranked list of villains who could have won their entire part by doing absolutely nothing he would also be at 1. he sucks so much. A+.

if this were a list of villains i think are cool and sympathetic and interesting and actually competent at the things they do instead of just the ones i most enjoy rotating pucci would be at the top.

kars is the ultimate asexual being, his motivations are very simple, his stats are ludicrously specific, his looks are all peak, he likes dogs. what else can you ask for?

phantom blood dio is incapable of just being normal about his one-man class war plan and if he were not pitted against a great dane's humansona his part would have been a lot shorter, which would have been tragic bc we would have missed out on my favourite dio fact: that on becoming a vampire and escaping to a remote town to wreak havoc he made a bunch of very silly and kinda gross human animal hybrids, Somehow, and then sat back and said, "in retrospect i don't know why i ever thought this would be good"

stardust crusaders dio is just here to chill in various states of undress and be sinisterly alluring and probably spends 85% of his strength holding back all the innits and geezers and bruvs and you what mates that would dispell his magnetic aura instantly

i am kinkshaming yoshikage kira but i am copshaming the morioh police force way harder. do not talk to me about incredibly thorough evidence-destroying bombs, when your missing persons department gets more calls that the traffic cops you don't have an excuse for failing to even harbour a suspicion about the man who introduces himself with a confessionary monologue. i like his suits and killer queen is prolly my fave stand design of all the villains tho.

i like funny valentine's little tadaa flourish and i really like that his name is funny valentine but much like his design his evil plan only becomes more and more generic as the part progresses. i will concede tho that his final play being a psychological gambit rather than wholly offensive was really cool until the moment araki chickened out of it and just had him be planning to shoot the hero the whole time. special mention to diego for having imo both a fun arc and the best death of any of these guys.

i have not read jojolion yet so that guy escapes my cyberbullying this day

47. Moment you wish could have happened?

traitor fugo 100%. in broad strokes i'd have liked a lot of other characters to get more development and screentime, some other fight match-ups or ability extrapolations i think could have been really cool, characters who seem like they'd have had interesting encounters who don't meet, but if it's a single specific event i think would have been really cool and interesting and potentially emotional as hell it's traitor fugo all the way. i think his reason for not going with the rest of the team is entirely sympathetic (not wanting to die is imo Quite Reasonable) so i wouldn't want a whole face turn or to see him "punished" or something like that, i just think it would be both an interesting angle on the themes of fate and how you make it and a cool and potentially depressing fight with a guy who's almost main villain levels of deadly.

[cursezone]

juste!!!

How I feel about this character:

RICHTERS MOMDAD i love you juste.. the original generational curse breaker. juste is very interesting to me especially in his flaws and shortcomings. juste receiving the standard belmont treatment, but eventually realizing the problem with the legacy and wanting to do something about it, freeing himself even if it was after the damage was dealt in harmony

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

maxim obviously, i do not think juste/lydie is a thing, justes lack of attraction to women is important in my headcanon of harmony

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

LYDIE THO. ok bestfriends i think lydie is much like maxim a voice of reason but that lydie knows vulnerability is hard for juste and never tries to get juste to Realize anything, shes just always been a rock of support for juste not that maxim isn't but i think maxim would have some frustration about juste not being able to understand the churches wrongness. but theyre all childhood best friends and know each other better than anyone esle

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

SHORT<333

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

same with richter honestly even tho they do show more of the motivation behind why possession was implemented on maxim to try and trick juste, i would like to see past the events of the games at the larger picture of why maxim wanted to relieve juste of his fate, why maxim would have viewed the belmont legacy as a bad thing, and how he would get juste to realize it later. i think juste impulsively telling maxim to lie about what happened is a way in which juste is unable to process any of what happened in harmony, i think juste wanted to deny why it happened or didn't want an explanation, even tho i think maxim wanted to tell juste so much about why this happened, because i think maxim is more ready to feel those emotions. i cant tell if i want to see more the buildup to harmony or the resolution that would come long after it

my OTP:

BELSCHINEEE literally the fathers of all time and ill never understand why people choose to believe that richter and juste are further apart. i just think harmony is such a glimpse into the idea that these characters should be doing things for a reason, theyshould be motivated by their emotions even if it causes them to make mistakes because mistakes can lead to big realizations about things you might not have seen before. juste is the beginning of the realization that the belmont legacy is bad and it wouldn't have been possible if maxim hadn't foolishly tried to stop it on his own for the sake of his best friend. jsute and maxim together allowed richter to become her own person enough to realize that the belmont legacy is a form of control fabricated by the church to simultaneously glorify the belmont power while ostracizing the nature of their power, forcing the belmonts to be what the church wants or else they will surely fall to evil

my cross over ship:

i. i dont have one. this once again proves to be the hardest question in this ask game

a headcanon fact:

TOURETTES OCD JUSTEEE i think juste has this thing with "control" in that if juste is unable to find order or belonging in something, even mundane, its a big stressor. i think the way the church would have treated juste would create such constructs of control within him, not that juste is a controller of other people, but a controller of himself and his surroundings.. juste is not a bad person but i think he can really lose sight of things and work himself into logic that maintains that sense of control over his environment. the furniture room being the most mundane probably non harmful form of this, i think jsute likes to customize and organize things extensively because its deeply self satisfying, and juste making maxim stay quiet at the end being an example of this being a flaw of justes, and representing how juste will impulsively act to avoid confrontation and tough conversations because of the lack of control those emotions bring.. i think the resolution long after harmony is the perfect place for jsute to be able to unpack that, i think maxim has always been a voice of reason for juste and maxim has nothing but the utmost sympathy for why juste has these impulsive controlling behaviors, maxim knows that juste is someone who was denied autonomy his whole life

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Im sorry it’s not that sexy I’m afraid 😂. I work at Panda Express, so unless you find fried rice with orange chicken sexy with a side of Karen customers sexy then this will be great! 😂

Anyhow, all jokes aside, I have had my fair shares of bad days as I know many people have so I’m certain some people will relate to this. These kind of days suck so much. (Especially if you’re as sensitive as I am). I’ve had one guy ask if I spoke English cause I couldn’t hear him very well, seen my co workers get yelled and sworn at a few times, one lady actually did make me cry once “Oh! Don’t cry! It’s ok!” (Maybe don’t resort to yelling in my face then???), etc etc there’s more but that would be long 😅

My request is really just how the papas and copia would comfort their s/o coming home from one of those shitty days and just feeling like utter crap; maybe a little teary eyed ~Dorky anon

(I do wish people would be more kind and patient. I just don’t see the point in getting angry when most of the time it’s not necessary. We’re all just trying to make it through the day. Just so everyone knows, the customer is not always right. Bad work days happen, but by the end of the night they don’t matter anymore)

you're right that is super not sexy but bitch i FEEL you. im a waitress and while i have no problem with yelling back at shit head customers who don't know how to act, it can still totally ruin your day. im sorry people are so mean to you come live in canada where you'll never see another panda express again (i wont lie orange chicken is sexy tho does it match Karen's spray tan???) anyways on with my job:

Papa II: Would personally seek out anyone who was mean to you. all you have to do is give them a rough description and he'll make a few phone calls. you're never sure how but the next day at work the same customer will come in and apologize and suddenly become the nicest person youve ever met. or you never see them again and your pretty sure no one else will either. Absolutely no one will ever harm II's partner without consequence, and he's not above kidnapping family members to get an apology out of them. this man will defend you to the ends of the Earth.

Papa III: Similarly to his older brother he would be angry at the mere thought of someone slighting you, but he probably wouldn't go as far in the name of revenge. He would let you rant and scream to him about how awful customers are, like, as a species, and make you dinner to make up for it. And remind you that he's been telling you to quit your job for months now because he'll take care of you, why make yourself so miserable, blah blah blah. But you insist on doing your own thing, and because he thinks your delusional he plays along, because thats what you do with crazy people. He loves you all the same. Would also offer to give cheer-up head.

Cardinal Copia: I really want to say he would get so upset you would have to comfort him and promise you're okay, but if I'm being honest, I think he would be a little hard about it. His entire career everyone has been shitty to him, not thought he was good enough, not think he would ever be able to give what they needed from him: he would talk about this until you cooled off and realized one white lady with a shitty haircut isnt the end of the world, and that much worse things can happen. Not exactly the type of comforting everyone wants, but if you let him talk long enough he might have something good to say, and you'll forget all about your own terrible day.

- Rosie (also one time this absolutely insane huge buff 6'7 guy yelled at our 15 year old host until she cried and my 5'5 ass got so heated I almost made him cry and it felt really good. if you want ill come yell at customers for you)

[summers-pratt]

Okay, ignore if you don't wanna get into it & or don't have time for rambling lol xD That is a very interesting reading regarding season 6 & the parallels between Buffy/Spike Willow/Amy & Anya/D'hoffryn & as many times as I've thought about these parallels & what the writers might have meant & what we can read out of it...I've just never considered that showing the dynamics in themselves as bad & destined to go bad was the problem per se. Sure, it could've been handled better (particularly Willow & magic which occasionally became a rather too muddled metaphor) but also - it is, after all, a drama & the story is at a rather dark part of the arc. As a huge Buffy/Spike fan & someone who hates 'Seeing Red' with a firey passion - I still think it makes perfect sense that Buffy/Spike went bad & that there had to be a turning point for Spike though I wish it were a different one. Same with Willow & magic - her darker need for power was a long time coming arc & season 6 built it up so well starting with her resurrection of Buffy. Anya was handled awkwardly by the writers a lot by trying to make her the comedy relief but she was actually an evil demon who killed people for a long time & turning back to that (to me) seems clearly destined for bad. I read these parallels as ultimately an allegory for bad choices & unhealthy coping mechanisms which fit perfectly with season 6's themes of young adulthood & depression & addiction & self-harm through behaviors. For as many ways as I think BTVS went wrong with how it handled treating female characters' choices, I'm not sure that I think those situations you mentioned should've been treated as like - good & okay choices? It wouldn't have really fit with what the season was doing in my mind. So I'm curious if you have more thoughts on that, I'd love to hear them. & btw I'm not like, trying to argue or be annoying I'm genuinely so curious there's nothing I love more than overanalyzing buffy lol it's so fascinating & fun to me

(Ok after accidentally posting this when I just had some general ideas laid out now I have fleshed out an actual answer lol anyway)

First off, I always have time for rambling and overanalyzing, so jot that down. Now, onto your lovely rambly ask and an equally rambly overanalyzing reply:

Narratively, of course I get the complexities that come from these relationships and dynamics, they themselves weren't inherently bad, but the effects of them were, where they take the characters and the plot is dark, and I love that, it makes sense at this point in the story (though yeah I 100% agree that some of it really did not need to happen the way it did yes i am talking about seeing red fuck that shit and yeah Anya is way more complex than they let her be and the magic-addiction allegory really loses its potency really quickly and yeah a staff of mostly male writers for female characters definitely makes itself evident at times ANYWAY). Yeah, fundamentally, this is a show, so it needs a plot, and it's a good show, so it needs a complex plot that creates conflict and develops the characters and establishes sets of metaphors to enhance the story and characters, and these dynamics do that and set off a good amount of future conflict, which is great! That's how writing is supposed to work! Woo-hoo for cause and effect! I just meant, broadly speaking, zooming way out, we have characters going to people they know who also happen to reside in the supernatural part of their world, and bad stuff happens as a result, and that is an interesting pattern that we can look at through other lenses other than narrative and metaphorical purpose, if we so choose (and I often do bc it's fun lol).

I agree they're all three unhealthy coping mechanisms and it fits really well in the season, and I'm not saying Willow going to get hits of magic was a great call, or Anya going back to killing as a job is a good career move (even tho we love a girlboss), or Buffy pushing everything down and using Spike to work through her depression was an ideal form of therapy. I was just musing on the fact that all of their coping mechanisms were supernatural in some way, and the show tends to be kind of black and white about demons unless they want comic relief out of them or if they're a main character (and then only sometimes do they get the greyscale treatment, and even less often with the appropriate complexity (hello Anya my beloved)). Of course, this absolutism way of dealing with morality fades as the show goes on, but I do think the writers tended to stick to the "demon bad, human good" concept more often than not, and the fact that these three instances have the coping mechanisms be supernatural beings is interesting. As we went over, yes, narratively it makes sense for these relationships to lead to badness, but pulling back, I also see it as a way the writers are saying "See? You turn to a witch or a demon or a vampire, you're gonna go bad too, they'll just corrupt you." It might be a bit of a radical interpretation of the text, but the idea of a human going to a supernatural being and it having a damaging impact is a common thread throughout the show, and while it tends to make narrative sense, it also says something about how we are meant to perceive the supernatural, and I think it's a little close-minded (again, looking way far into this but it is fun); Buffy tries to be with Angel, a vampire, but he fucks up Buffy's perception of romantic love and relationships, Giles' ex lover friend Ethan Rayne, a warlock, is only ever there to cause trouble, Ford goes to Spike to get turned and a bunch of people almost get killed and he dies, Faith throws in with the Mayor and turns bad and kills people, Maggie Walsh studies and frankensteins demons and dies at the hands (skewer?) of her creation that then kills more people and becomes a big bad, Riley gets his blood sucked a la vampire prostitution and ruins (well, speeds up the inevitable ruination of) his and Buffy's relationship. And the of course we have the fuckedupedness that is seeing red, though that is widely because j*ss wh*d*n hated that people liked Spike and wanted to change that. But even in that case, he was saying "oh you like this demon character? Fuck you, he's evil and you better not fucking forget it." And I guess that's what I'm kind of getting at, we're not supposed to like supernatural characters because they are Bad, we see again and again that demons and magic practitioners are Bad and no good comes from associating with them. But like, why? Not all of them are bad, some are downright kittenish (looking at you Clem, my beloved), and generalizing like that leads to the kind of massive confusion and shame Buffy feels about her attraction to Spike, as well as a kind of boring view on massive groups of people (yes I am calling demons people, that's my point).

So, I'm not really saying these dynamics should've been seen as perfect and good, I'm just saying they're part of a larger pattern that delineates supernatural beings as a largely Bad group, I don't think that's fair or fun.

There is also a whole other layer to this where the supernatural is a metaphor for queerness, and saying supernatural beings are Bad and Wrong and their Badness and Wrongness will rub off on you if you hang out with them is akin to parents not wanting their kids to have gay teachers or friends, or people not wanting to introduce their friends to their partner bc fear of rejection.

Ps- anon you did not come across as arguey or annoying at all! I love that my little dot connecting made you want to talk more about the idea! Absolutely no worries, overanalyzing Buffy is endlessly fun and fascinating to me too :D

[sweetescapeartist]

MY DBS MANGA CHAPTER 70 REVIEW

We learn in the last chapter that the Cerealian Dragon's name is Toronbo when Granolah speaks Namekian. Toronbo grants Granolah's wish but can't make Granolah stronger than the gods.

Here's the confusion I have... Goku is a mortal beyond GoDs so making Granolah the strongest mortal is making him stronger than gods. If you wanna say Beerus has been training and is now stronger than Goku, there's still a problem. It was said that Goku and Vegeta were stronger than some GoDs right before the ToP (but that might be anime only, so maybe it doesn't apply here). So Granolah is stronger than GoDs no matter what. If the gods that Toronbo is speaking of are the Angels, then that means Granolah is Ultra Instinct level of power since Goku is the lowest in Angel tier. But whatever. Bottom line is Granolah is temporarily stronger than Goku who may or may not be stronger than Beerus.

Granolah gets his wish granted and the cost is shortening his life... cool. Not much to say except let's see how its executed.

(I recently read that in DBXV2, during the Infinite History Saga, Videl is enchanted with Towa's Dark Magic spell by Dabura shaving off her life but granting her greater power. So granting power at the cost of lifespan has been done in DB before. Not in canon but in the games.)

Also, Granolah's life being shortened to 3 yrs got me thinking... Currently it's almost AGE 781 in the DBS manga timeline. Goku leaves to train Uub in AGE 784. We got 3 yrs left. The original manga shows Bulma said she hadn't seen Goku in 5 yrs. How I see DBS is that it is an alternate timeline that just happens to have a similar outcome to the EoZ.

So... why is Vegeta learing from Beerus again if Beerus isn't that strong now? Is Vegeta being like Krillin and continuing his learning from a master weaker than him, but gaining wisdom & knowledge? I-is Vegeta becoming Krillin 2.0?! (More like dollar-store Krillin)

I do think beerus got stronger tho. He seems very confident that Vegeta can get stronger from learning from him. Beerus probably saw Goku get UI then decide to train aftet the ToP

Anyways, Beerus is teaching us about hakai/destruction energy. Its erasing something from existence, not just destroying it (we already knew that). But, Vegeta quickly figures out how to do it anyways. By destroying a tiny pebble...

A tangent again but I personally think Piccolo is capable of easily learning Hakai energy. Think about it. Piccolo can create clothing out of nothing, why could he not do the reverse?

Goku is uninterested in what Beerus & Vegeta are doing. I dont know about you, but it sounds like Goku thinks that he's above Beerus in strength. Beerus & Vegeta aren't considered a challenge to him in any way. Goku sees UI as more important & better than anything Beerus has to teach, and Goku is right. Plus Goku learned Hakai on his own while Vegeta needs Beerus to teach him. It's a waste of Goku's time to learn it again.

(God Comics is funny. I imagine Toribot writes them)

Goku says "Let's see which one of us can be the strongest in the universe!" Really, Goku...? At present time, Goku is the strongest mortal in the universe already. He should know that. Then Vegeta for some reason thinks he will become the strongest in the universe. The last time manga Vegeta was the strongest mortal in the universe was... never. He's always behind Goku or whatever new opponent arises. This scene is meant to be comedic that they're arguing over who will be the greatest but it's not funny to me. And yet Vegeta fans still hold on for hope.

But why is Goku concerned about being the strongest between him & Vegeta? Goku is far above Vegeta. They're not rivals at this point. Also, Goku was the strongest in the universe until just a few moments ago. Goku should be saying "I knew bein' the strongest wouldn't last for too long. Roshi did tell me there will always be somebody stronger out there. Hehe! This is gettin' me excited! I can't wait to meet 'em!" (This would alsp parallel Monaito giving Granolah the same advice Goku already knows.)

Also, I guess Broly isn't that strong after all. Bye Broly, you served your purpose. And to think that Goku had said that he thinks Broly is stronger than Beerus...

Oh yeah. So Vegeta destroys a pebble. Impressive? Goku kinda gives a compliment or he is practically saying "Good job Vegeta! You're doing great following in my footsteps!" Seriously, this would be so much better and cooler if this seperate paths of training began right after the Universe 6 vs Universe 7 tournament. That would be the perfect spot to have them train under Beerus & Whis. [Vegeta using Hakai against Merged Zamasu, Goku able to fight Merged Zamasu temporarily because he is getting better at letting his body move on its own, Toppo & Vegeta using Hakai against each other as Goku & Jiren use power above GoDs. That would work so much better.]

Then Vegeta says he's gonna destroy bigger things soon... is that supposed to be more impressive? Its not. But this it to build up Vegeta even though there is nothing amazing about anything he is doing at the moment. Maybe later tho.

So Cerealians can't grow beards. Also I guess Granolah's race don't age? His hair grew when his lifespan was shortened but he has no wrinkles. It seems that they age more gracefully than Saiyans. If he has some wrinkles he would have looked cooler imo. Or those lines under the eyes at the very least. If the wish shortened his life & made his hair grow, it should have also showed that he aged. (Here's an edit I made of "Grampa Granolah." You're welcome)

And remember Vegeta destroying a pebble? Granolah can suddenly destroy big rocks! Cool right?! No? Its not cool? Showing Granolah destroy a much larger object right afterwards kinda belittles Vegeta's accomplishment.

Oatmil is surprised by a boulder exploding. This means one of 2 things. Oatmil is stupid & never saw an Granolah explode a boulder. Or it's implying that the boulder exploding is some technique Oatmil doesn't know of. Idk how he can tell its any different from just blowing up a rock with ki. I think it's supposed to be destruction energy. If it is then, ok. If getting his wish was so easy, then why can't he suddenly learn destruction as well?

Yay! Monaito! (This really should be a Namekian focused arc)

Granolah reminds me of Zamasu with his attitude a bit. Monaito tells him somebody stronger will definetly appear. Granolah has become like Vegeta and is over confident, so he is destined to get humbled. And think about this. Goku can probably train a bit and surpass Granolah within a week.

Granolah can now sense ki. Meaning he can have the destruction technique or UI, because why not?

Monaito blames himself for Granolah's actions. Its not your fault Monaito! You did nothing wrong! Dont be so hard on yourself.

Whis being a creep and peeping on people lol.

Granolah's hair growing was pointless because he cuts it off soon after. Nothing changed visually. This kinda reminds me of how Moro lost his arm. Goku gave him a senzu, Moro grew it back, & then Moro broke his arm when attacking Goku. Then Moro tore his arm off & reattached his old one. There was no need for Moro to grow his arm back then tear it off. Similarly, there is no need for Granolah to have grown long hair then cut it off.

Maki still brings a smile to my face. She & Gas stand out the most out of the Heeters. Maki's personality is kinda like Zangya combined with a teasing Bulma. Gas reminds me of a Krillin/Piccolo fusion with dreadlocks. I also ship Maki x Gas cause they're short and look cute together. (please don't be siblings so I can draw them together🤞)

Granolah fights Oil & Maki. I'm not impressed. They seem like they could be defeated by Chaoitzu (he's stronger than Raditz and probably Nappa now too). Granolah's movements could be seen as UI. If it is or isn't UI, it doesn't matter. Showing off that kind of power is like Goku using Ultra Instinct during a rematch with Nam or King Chappa. Its not effective storytelling. There had to be a better way of showing Granolah's new strength than making him fight opponents that give him zero challenge.

The art is good as usual and the panel flow is nice. Toyotaro is improving at creating the illusion of motion. The environment being used in the fight was smart and a good visual. Toyo still uses a ton of panels almost every page tho. But he's still a better artist than I am.

Granolah appears to have used Hakai again. Not the explosive variant but the sand variant (yes I think there are 2 ways of using Hakai).

The "Sand Variant" that Beerus & Goku (& maybe Granolah) have used.

The "Explosive Variant" Beerus & Vegeta (& maybe Granolah) have used.

Maki thinks the "Hakai" is magic so that's interesting. I would say I'd like for the next enemy to be a magic user but, we know how Moro turned out... 😓

Maki has "ki claws" & I like the idea but it would be better if she had used it against an enemy she can defeat. It doesn't make her look useful in this fight. Gas seems confident when he is about to fight Granolah, but Elec stops him. Gas would've gotten beaten but it make ya wonder what Gas can do.

Granolah appears to be a person that is easily manipulated and persuaded. He even gave information they weren't even asking for. He'll probably be easily convinced and manipulated by Freeza/the Hedters or quickly have a truce with Goku.

The Heeters plan to go to Planet Cereal to get the Dragon Balls. As I suspected, the Cerealian Dragon Balls were created so that it would be easy for wishes to be granted. Gathering 2 Dragon Balls on a nearby planet instead of gathering 7 on New Namek or Earth. Plus these new Dragon Balls ensures no interaction between Earthlings & Granolah/the Heeters. A perfect way to write Gohan & company out of the story... *sigh* 😔😒

We learn Cerealians live for 2 centuries. How's that compare to other races in Universe 7? Freeza & King Cold apparently can live more than 200 yrs, But that may be because they are mutants. Namekians can live for like 500 yrs & its possible for them to reincarnate themselves too. So in a way, Namekians can live forever. Saiyans stay youthful & live to be in their 80's, but rapidly age when they reach their 60's or 70's. Average Earthlings appear live to be in their 80's or 90's but some are over 100 yrs old (Dr. Briefs, Panchy, & Ox King are in their 90's in GT) and others can increase their lifespan through elixers or the Paradise Herb. Just some thoughts of mine.

Maki says "If he ices Freeza..." Ha, an ice pun. Elec wants to defeat Freeza so he can control his army. Its revealed they wanna kill Granolah & that they worked with Freeza to destroy his planet & race. Well... that more than likely means they're gonna die by Granolah's hand or Freeza's. This info is also an attempt to make the reader more sympathetic for Granolah. Granolah is too bland (pun intended) so I don't feel any more sympathy than I already had for him. Elec plans to make Goku & Vegeta fight Granolah since Granolah hates Saiyans. Smart but we all kinda expected it. Not bad writing tho.

The final panel talks about fate bringing the 3 (Goku, Vegeta, & Granolah) together. Sounds like a repeat of the Broly movie.

We've had 4 chapters in this arc & not 1 panel of Freeza... If Freeza doesnt appear & do something in the next chapter then I will be disappointed in the writing. Showing Freeza here and there would give tension and build up until we get the encounter with him. We also have no idea who Oatmil is. Is he an A.I. or a person? Not that big of a deal yet, but I would like to find out soon. Either show Freeza or tell us more about Oatmil next chapter pleaae

This chapter was like oatmeal (the food not the character) without butter, brown sugar, milk, & honey or raisins. Not bad, but not very good either. 

So here's my thoughts on the things that could or could not happen in this arc.

Goku vs Granolah. I don't care for the fight because the power is at a point that it doesnt make sense for enemies to get to without cheating somehow. The fight will look cool but I have no interest in it.

Vegeta vs Granolah will have Vegeta being stomped as always and Vegeta fans will make excuses & complain how it's not fair. A lot of Vegeta fans often make fun of Yamcha & Krillin for getting beat up even though those 2 bravely fight opponents leagues stronger than they are. Vegeta has gotten stomped by opponents more times than Krillin & Yamcha combined but the fans gotta deflect somehow. I don't care to hear or see the complaining again.

The interaction and dialogue between Granolah & Vegeta is going to be more interesting than their fight. But I worry because Toyo isn't the best at writing dialogue.

I have no reason to care about power growth, certain interactions, or Goku & Vegeta's training.

What I am curious about/want to see?

Monaito's well being. I want him to reunite with other Namekians. But I think he's been set up to die.

Lore about the dragon gods & Namekian lore we probably wont get.

I want Piccolo, Krillin, Gohan, & others will be involved. Piccolo because of the Namekian & wosh granting dragon lore. Gohan because his interaction with Granolah eould be interesting since Gohan is half Saiyan & views himself as an Earthling. Krillin & other Earthlings because they can bring tensions where characters like Goku & Vegeta can't. Those 2 are too strong for there to be any real tension. However Earthlings aren't all powerful so them using wits to survive is more exciting. But I doubt any of their involvement.

How long a Cerealian year is? Is it shorter than a Namekian year? How much time will pass for the Cerealian Dragon Balls to be active? How much stronger than Granolah will Goku get? Hopefully the answers aren't lazy...

Will Beerus finally fight somebody? There are 6 mortals that are near or above his power (Goku, Granolah, Vegeta, Broly, Freeza, Gohan).

Who's the villian of the next arc & what explanation is going to be given for them having power on the level of Angels? Angel tier fights don't sound interesting to me anymore. After those kinds of battles, Goku will have no challengers left.

Will Goku disappear to train or something so the story can TRY to match up with the EoZ?

Will Goten, Trunks, & Marron hit their growth spurts within 3 yrs?

Will we get spin-off manga about other characters? PLEASE!? 🙏

Also DBS moved too quickly when it comes to power. Now we're at the point that Goku & Vegeta need to stop being involved in fights for there to be any actual threat or tension. The Buu saga took place in AGE  774. After training for 4 years of peace, Goku thought SS3 & fusion was his limits as a Saiyan and he was right. Well, kinda... Goku was introduced to god ki near the end of AGE 778. Then in AGE 781, Goku masters Ultra Instinct... He mastered an Angel technique in 2 year or 2.5 yrs. That was waaaay too fast. As a result the storytelling & writing are suffering from this rushed progress. Now we're gonna have an Angel tier opponent? According to the pattern of DBS, Goku's gonna end up surpassing the Angels within 2 or 3 yrs after learning god ki. Thats not impressive for Goku, that's terrible writing. And no, Goku getting this strong so fast is not a benefit to Saiyans either. It just shows us that without god ki, Saiyans ain't all that powerful unless they're the legendary Saiyan like Broly. Saiyans didn't even have a concept of training until Goku was trained by Earthlings. Gohan, Freeza, 17, & I'm pretty sure Piccolo as well have all surpassed SS3 without the help of god ki. God ki makes Saiyans look like they have limits. With god ki, the writing is broken....

I got off topic again... Anyways that's the end of my review.