#i really slept on this huh
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Oh yeah
I played Undertale for the first time
And I've known if it literally since it's first release (thanks to my brother), but never watched anything about it BC there was sorta a bad stigma around the time with the fandom that made me literally run in the other direction
BUT HOLY SHIT? Y'all I SLEPT on this game for 8 whole ass years wtf
#also I tend to try games if a character interests me#it was no doubt that Mettaton was the one who dragged me into wanting to play the game#got a lil teeny brainrot over it 👉👈 and will probably do Mettaton fanart#so expect that#also i went feral at the final fantasy 6 reference in the game#that was a shock.#oh yeah i did the true pacifist run apparently so BSVSVS#IT HURT ME SM#THIS GAME HURTSSSS#i love it to bits...#i really slept on this huh#ALSO THE MUSIC MUNCH MUNCH MUCH#THE CHARACTERSSS 🤌🤌🤌🤌#ITS SO FUCKING GOID#I played it with my bestie whoes a massive as hell UT fan#and without her i dont think i would have had such an amazing first experience#so im grateful for her :')
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gentle mornings
#alternatively titled - when your papas have the audacity to cuddle without you#kazurei#buddy daddies#i like to think they didnt really do cuddles much except when rei has a rough night and kazukis warmth and safety is the only thing that#can let him get rid of the anxiety and nightmares#he wouldnt ask for it#it would be kazuki dragging him to bed at first#rei reluctantly but in his weakened will the times hes slept together with miri and kazuki has been the times hes somehow always#managed to go out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow#even he himself doesnt understand and he doesnt attempt to and he doesnt realise#that its safety and warmth and protection and peace#and thats the only reason he would let himself be dragged to bed#but#eventually when you have had the taste of something so good in the place of chilling nightmares and restless darkness that feels no less#safer than the light#your heart becomes indulgent#and rei will gently and wordlessly ask for an invite to the warmth again#its fulfilling and blissful when the three of them are together#but with just kazukis body enveloping him against the night its a different kind of comfort. even in his sleep he would clutch onto it#thats a tangent right there huh.....anyway. miri would be absolutely betrayed in the morning when she finds them snuggled up#she gets her cuddle time with her papas too then#one big pile of a warm and happy family#yes this is pre relationship yes they would do that yes it is possible#if you got this far thanks i guess jajdjfjs ill hopefully colour this soon but i dont know really so im putting it up here#my art
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truly not sorry but once again thinking abt miranda/mc/mia in RL. i need them SO bad. like, 2 of the most morally unsound persons (Mia & Miranda) + their little meow meow. Knowing both are so possessive and destructive (TO OTHERS) when they love and instead of running, fully embracing the chaos of it. Loving them despite their delusions of grandeur, the crimes, the secrets, and the deaths (+ undeaths) caused (or ordered!) by their hands. Acknowledging this is fucked up but you can't help it. Lovingly bitching abt their fights but fully done and gone to do anything else but to soothe and continue loving them, because after all those years of waiting and doing and redoing everything to be perfect was worth it for this.
also did i mention being their little meow meow. sorry Miranda, MC was the original gremlin in the relationship and Mia being the fucked up feral racoon she is now is not solely by her doing, MC was and IS the enabler in both relationships that it bled over sm and OUGHJJJJJHHHHhhhh im being so emo abt three (3) women being utter menaces frfr
#sorry but i truly love it when corruption didnt spread#it was in there all along#ALSO GOD. sorry but RL Miranda/Mia happened once to me in my brain. Dreamt abt one loop that they get so fucked up drunk they slept together#and like. they didnt process it until MC comes back fr and sees the unresolved vibe#miranda's screaming shaking crying throwing up when mia alludes to it in front of mc and mc is like. huh. good for u actually.#mia: so u dont mind? that we fucked once????#mc: babe did u forget the stint of us fucking drunk before i met miranda. i expected u guys to do it more actually.#miranda: you WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.#mc: dont worry my love i truly do love and adore u!!!! and i wouldnt mind if u wanted to bring mia in really#mc (inside her mind): my god. these bitches gay.#mc (still inside her mind): miranda doesnt know mia's a menace when she's starting to fall and mia doesn't know mira's circling her either.#mc: god i love u both but u need to opem ur eyes really. my god.#then i woke up#and thought. hey. if this was plausible eva gets to have three (3) mommies fr and IM upset its not real ekdbdofjd#anyways dreams were sponsored by cinder's re8 harem fic#thank u cinder <3#resident lover#mother miranda#mother miranda x reader#mia winters#mia winters x reader#mother miranda x mia winters#mother miranda x mia winters x reader#personal.txt#clown.txt#simp.txt
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if supernatural was any good, they would have had mary and lucifer sleep together in the apocalypse world. this would have solved zero problems with the show, but it would have created a hundred more interesting ones than they already had.
#they could have done this. for me.#it should have gone really well too. for mary and lucifer i mean.#because that would be 1000x worse for everyone else involved. if mary enjoyed herself and bonded with him.#doesn’t even have to be much of a bond but like. just enough that when sam and dean are there. it’s so incredibly uncomfortable.#sam like :) this is the second time my mother has slept with someone complicit in torturing me. i feel normal about this and its not#messing me up so bad im going to scream. this is fine.#dean would freak the fuck out about it though. openly and loudly. it’s *lucifer*.#which. of course. trying to tell mary that she’s not allowed to do what she’s already decided she’s doing because dean doesn’t want her to.#yeah. im sure that’ll go well.#lucifer doesn’t even have to do anything to drive a wedge between them besides sit there look pretty and eat mary out until she screams.#easiest job in the world#and most importantly: it would have been hot. literally just let someone walk in on mary pinning the devil himself to the floor.#why not give me this one thing huh
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Under The Banner Of Heaven is a well-written book juxtaposing the murder of a woman and her child by Mormon extremists with the founding of the Mormon faith, but in both halves it is depressingly and enragingly exactly the story you'd expect: a theology focused on the subjugation, rape, and abuse of women and girls, to the point it is nakedly obvious that the theology simply arose from the desires of men in power
#like wow Joseph Smith Jr god told you all about plural marriage right after you slept with (read: raped) a fifteen year old girl?#you don't say!#the only break I got from constant rage while reading that book was the sudden legal tangent on#whether unsubstantiated beliefs can really qualify as insanity given the general religiosity of the American public#which is something I never thought of before but huh....#mine#jaggedwolf rambles#the book has extended quotes from the murdered woman's older sister and it's so goddamn sad#plopping this at the end of the queue so i'm not at peak rage when this posts
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as much as I adore jayden’s charles playlist I am surprised and disappointed at the lack of No Doubt songs on there. this kid was a certified Ska Enjoyer he’d be SO into No Doubt come on now
#rambling#charles#charles rowland#my brain’s really not shutting up this morning huh#I slept horribly and had vivid stress dreams/nightmares I guess this is the result#anyway I have to mention that whenever I go to tag ‘charles rowland’ one of the first recommended tags- before even his actual name- is just#charles rowland: ska enjoyer#which amuses me#dead boy detectives
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//bro santa got me fucking pinkeye for christmas... he shouldn't have.... he really, really shouldn't have...
#ooc#illness //#ask to tag#i guess coal just doesn't cut it for the naughty list anymore smh#literally awake at fucking 6am because i could NOT sleep bc of this shit#i slept like One Hour and woke up at 3#and i had to fucking call into work so there's another fucking $100 off my next check#not even counting the work i'll probably have to miss to get over it#gonna see if i can see a dr tomorrow... which will be Yet More Money i lose#god i really can't catch a break thsi fucking month huh#at least i get paid tomorrow bc i have fucking. 10 bucks. right now#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Recent disney and pixar movies have felt like movies in the way that monster high movies feel like movies. And I don’t want anyone to see this and go “but at least monster high movies are good!” cuz, sure whatever I don’t care, just listen. What I’m saying is these recent disney movies are so forgettable and I don’t think it’s just because of the rise of streaming services fucking up how the films are marketed and viewed, they also feel unbelievably pointless. They feel like movies made around a plot that would be forced into a ten minute episode if it were a cartoon made by smaller creators rn. The plots are so simple I feel like a toddler like I feel like the stakes have gotten increasingly lower and everything is underwhelming. Toy story 4’s big conflict was woody needs to get the plastic spoon back to the little girl. Inside out 2 was the emotions needing to get back to headquarters while riley is just at hockey camp and they learn their lessons in five minutes. Encanto is just mirabelle talking to her family and then singing songs at her. Strange world was a very basic father/son relationship story with no real stakes. The main thing luca wants in luca is a vespa and the main thing mei wants in turning red is concert tickets. Not even gonna glance at wish or lightyear cuz like who watched those what are those movies even for. I can’t remember any of these movies and even the ones I liked are still underwhelming and I walked out of them trying to justify that to myself like “oh well not every movie has to have a crazy plot, sometimes they can be simple”. But it’s like. All their movies now. And the characters are uh, they’re okay in some of them I guess I dunno. And this isn’t even to say that the more beloved older disney movies never had simple plots cuz like look at Cinderella, half of that movie is just animals getting into shenanigans to fill time. But idk, it felt like people actually wanted to make that movie and put love and attention into it. Now these things are just disney pumping out vague emotions that might get them an award while coating everything with this “look at how much money we have” polish
#the klock keeps ticking#this isnt coherent at all im sooooo tired i havent slept good at all lately ughhh#i used monster high as an example but havent really made the comparison properly huh#basically mh movies are really just there to sell dolls and yeah sometimes the movies are fun#sometimes theyre about something cool even#but theyre also low quality made for tv movies that got pumped out a machine#and some of them are just really really bad#and even the ones that i like like friday night lights i mean its like core message is a pretty basic short thing about misogyny in sports#which is what youd expect from a low quality made for tv movie made to sell dolls#but disney is out here doing like the same writing in 2024 with their ungodly expensive animation#and its just like. seriously? this is seriously what you want?#to make shallow garbage with shiny paint a few times a year just so you can get more money and keep it up?#youre trash disney. utter fucking trash#this is brought to you by me watching inside out 2 for shits and feeling pretty much exactly how i expected to feel lol#i love how not gay riley is obsessed with a girl who is literally the Basic Cool Gay Love Interest#which is a whole other post honesty but its a drinking game for me at this point cuz thats the only gay character corporations know how to#write its just like. they are Cool and Nice and so so Cool and they literally never stop smiling for one second and they are Cool#and thats about it! and if you dont ship them with the quirky anxiety ridden gay youre an ungrateful faggot
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i had a filthy wet dream about ratio oh my god
its essentially him offering to massage my back (bc gat damn i need to go get one irl) and it starts out fine until it leads to him roughly fingering me
is this my reward for finally sleeping 😵💫
-🍄
HELLO?????? ME WHEN OH MY GOD AND YES YES IT IS YOUR REWARD FOR SLEEPING DO SLEEP MORE SO YOU’LL GET MORE OF THIS AND ALSO BECAUSE IT’S GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH 😭
#i bet it was really good huh 😮💨#might i inquire what position you slept in#i need to have this so bad rn not even kidding#11:26 pm and i am in bed#ready to devour any fictional man that comes to my dreams#🍄 anon!!!!!
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PTSD is so stupid saw a jar of biscoff cookie butter at the store and went ha that’s the brand they had in res. (Completely unaffected). Then went home and had a panic attack about it (????)
#first of all. how is a jar on a shelf that you didn’t even touch harming you at all???#second of all. now that I know that chain Carrie’s bidcoff cookie butter I’m never going there again. let’s leave those worms in their can.#(sees a food) huh. cookie butter. (the ptsd gremlin cooking up a nice panic sequence for me) well probably staff are trailing you right now#and they just left that there on accident because obv they keep cookie butter with them. and they’re going to restrain and sedate you and to#you’ll wake up tubed xoxo#<- INSANE ITS A JAR OF BISCOFF COOKIE BUTTER CALM THE SHIT DOWN#I only slept an hour last night and didn’t sleep at all the night before so like that might have something to do with it but I feel like we’#were gunning for day 3 here with the cookie induced paranoia#don’t buy belsomra guys belsomra is a ripoff that I’m pretty sure is just sugar pills#although I am abnormally resistant to pretty much every sleep med like iv ambien just makes me a bit lethargic the doctor who gave me it sai#said that was really weird and then ordered another piss test bc he thought I was on speed LMAO#nope just my brain. rotten. gone.#day 3 is usually when the insomnia hallucinations come out so like pray for me if you see this#though I did get an hour last night so maybe that counts
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Had a girls weekend with my bestie … came home and proceeded to spend the next 5 hours throwing up.
Whoooooooo 🙃🙃🙃
#think I picked up a 24hr bug or something#thankfully I think I slept most of it off#we’ll find out as the day goes on#I really can’t have nice things huh 😅
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i can't believe i'm so very sleepy during the fiesta de la democracia
#i slept siesta TWICE today#one before lunch (siesta del borrego) and one after#yesterday was really something huh#anyways i think i'll just play the sims now and forget about the world <3#anon i am not answering yours i haven't even read it in full pero me da muchisima pereza
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Man now I’m also back to the very specific dynamic of mutual pining etc I had in my head through the whole playthrough (and which still kind of came through in my first HopVic fanfic, even if I didn’t actually finish & post that till a month after I actually finished playing the whole game i.e. all the way to completing the Galarian Star tournament)
Just. Victor starting out on the timid side, and just kind of being pulled along into everything by Hop but discovering that hey, he’s pretty good at battling and it’s a lot of fun! And even the Champion himself acknowledges him! But then there’s Hop’s attitude, and Victor’s kind of frustrated with that, but also he’d always admired Hop for his confidence and has a crush on him, which he thinks would never be requited. Then Hop’s angst arc happens and with how Hop always runs off after their encounters, there isn’t really any room for talking things out until much later (unless doing a fill-in-the-blanks approach there).
Meanwhile Hop... *points at everything*. I do believe he also has the (budding) crush from the start but he’s kind of caught up in his whole thing so it never really comes through (though there’s this delicious sidedish flavour of angst of “wanting to show off to his crush but turns out his crush has a knack for battling and beats him repeatedly” and yeah it’s a sweet mess of various flavours of angst here lol). Through most of the game pre-credits Hop and Bede aren’t too different toward the player (Bede being the textbook example of “get out of my school”-type of having a crush + condescending talk but with Hop not appearing so hostile) so it’s a little bit of flavour of “externalising the crush by teasing and all”.
Then the story climax happens, Victor winning the Championship happens, the epilogue happens – Hop gets his growth and realizing his own individual path. He starts studying to become a professor, while Victor goes off to the Isle of Armor and starts training at the Master Dojo, and the time apart kind of helps everything fall into place by the time Hop shows up at the Dojo for his survey + helping Victor with finding the max honey. By that time in the game Hop genuinely is proud of the player without condescending, and the flirting is really amped up (and while Hop is now very loud about his crush, Victor can be oblivious/overthinking about it for a bit because see above, still thinking it’s unrequited).
And for me anything post-credits (especially fast-forwarding till after the inaugural Galarian Star Tournament and when things really start with Victor having to do Champion duties, the next Gym Challenge starting, etc) is Victor Angst Hours – not being used to this pressure, still adjusting from kind of accidentally happening into everything, wondering if he ever really wanted to be a Champion like his rivals did, is he even cut out for it, etc ... and this time it’s his friends (and Leon as his like, kind of boss but especially mentor because that’s one of my favourite things ever too) that help him through his own angst arc. And if he and Hop are already (getting) together by that time, that’s just another added sweet flavour to it.
#frillishtxt#hopvic#(man it really shows that I only slept like 4 hours I am afraid to read over this again but like. YEAH. I have THOUGHTS again)#(and I really needed to get those thoughts out there!!! before they consume me completely like it's been since January 20 lmao)#(sidenote I also really really enjoy the platonic dynamics but since HopVic is my OTP and I ship them romantically––)#(–that is the spin I explore for myself. idk just thought I'd point it out lol)#(I'm just going to yeet it out right now without the usual compulsive re-reading for ages because yeah. we die like men today I guess)#(will future!me cringe over current!me like it happens? possibly! but have to deal with that or I never say or share anything ever huh)#boyfrillish writing tag
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When you click on a fic just for the sin and it ends up being a way better story than you expected
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HUH ITS THURSDAY ?? literally was about to complain that it was only Wednesday.....
#fresh milk delivery#4th quarter is really fucking up my brain huh#i came here to talk about the fact that i slept well and even dreamed pleasantly even tho now i dont remember most of it#but i got distracted by that its fuckin thursday#>:)#i get paid tomorrow lets go gamers
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ughhhh
#mood rocketing downhill. thjs can only end well :-(#on my period and so tired and sad and lonely and i really really really want a hug im going to bash my head in with a rock#and a bit annoyed i spent ages testing climbing shoes today which ive been meaning to do for ages and the staff were rly nice#and i got a pair in the end but tbh i may end up returning them bc on reflection im not sure theyll work for my specific climbing style#what i rly wanted was a few sizes down of my current ones but they didnt have stock. and i tried the size i wanted in a variation of the#same shoe ie. same shape just not the rubber im after and they fit near perfectly so now im just thinking abt them instead.#u know what fuck it. ill take the train to my old city tmr and go to the climbing store there bc i checked online n they do have them.#ill just be constantly doubting my decision if i dont and i need to do smth nice for myself. and i can read on the train#and if they dont fit better well i have these other ones. and these ones are still nice! but im worried theyre more suited to sport/trad#and im primarily a boulderer... and i mean theyd def be good for some types of bouldering and i wanna get into sport/trad anyway but arghhh#whatever. fuck it. booked my train its not that expensive anyway just time. im tired of letting my decision paralysis get to me#and always settling for shit that makes me unhappy bc its not quite what i want but i talk myself into pretending im okay with it#when im not!!! and its unfair to myself and everyone around me to so consistently fail to identify n communicate my actual wants/needs#this isnt actually abt the shoes im upset for other reasons but at least projecting it onto this gives me a semblance of control#and gives me an easy way out of having to confront n deal with my avoidance...... it literally has no fucking limits huh.#well whatever. i need to food shop and eat and shower and then its okay ill play a videogame and go to bed early#its not been that bad a day i watched a movie this morning which was nice. and it was nice to cycle around the weathers great#probably havent slept enough. probably took my afternoon meds too late. probably just feeling lonely and tired and on my period....#tomorrow will be a nice day and monday i have climbing and there are other nice things coming up. puts down my head bashing rock#okay feeling a bit better now ive cried a bit and typed this. deep breath. wheres my shopping list.#.diaries#.vent#byeee
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