#and without her i dont think i would have had such an amazing first experience

[cinnamon-lotus]

do u like characters who haunt the narrative or do they irritate tf out of you? Additionally, which is your fav "haunts the narrative" character <3

So ok. U can't ask me this. I have 0 control over my emotions right now. I HAVE SEVERAL. But i will give u 2 or a few or idk Im writting this without a thought and a structure.

*Coming here after writting my last word. I GOT MAD. I wrote 3 people: Jace Herondale, Julian Blackthorn and lastly and my FAVOURITE ROSE HATHAWAY. (This last one has spoilers from 3 to 6 books, and i left out SOOOOOO MUCH, But I spoilered the biggest plot twists. so dont read it if ur planning to read Vampire acedemy)

*Also realized u asked if i liked characters that haunt the narrative. Its at the bottom.

JACE HERONDALE. I know everyone says Will and i get u, but mine is Jace. I read him when i was a freshly teen I GOT OBSSESSED Im still are.

He suffered SO MUCH for just existing (kind of like Sebastian but thats another talk). When there was a little calm, another thing happened. Her lover turned to be her sister, then her stepmum didnt wanted him,the Lucian started to take him as a stepfather -kind of the same he was to Clary-, Also fxing Valentine, realzing he is a experiment, thinking he is A DEMon, but that was just the real brother of Clary. Being controled, HE DIED once, and almost twice by Simon AND HE WOULD HAVE LET HIM. He was stabbed 2. People he loved died and he still was fighting FOR HIS GIRL. All of that to, us readers, realize Clary rejected his proposal and NOW FUCKING JANUS IS TRYING TO STEAL HIS GIRL CAUSE JANUS IS FUCKINGG HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE TOO.

JULIAN BLACKTHORN, omg, omg, omg... This boy... He doesnt haunt the narrative, he fucking haunt MINDS. OURS. He started being a stepfather AT 12. I need to reread this ook again and again and again, to be as obssessed as i am for Jace but, Julian endured SO much and still found peace having Emma unable to touch her, because she reminded him everything was normal. AAAAAAAAHHHH. Stop it. Sometimes I might be at doing wahtever and then I remember how he didn`t have a driver lisence and had to get the groceries delivered and carried them uo to the institute. Stop it.

SPOILERS

BUT NOW, MY ONLY ONE. THIS MEN DOES NOT HAUNT THE NARRATIVE. NARRATIVE HAUNTS HIM. WELL

ROSE HATHAWAY. She is from Vampire Acdemy from Richelle Mead.

There is No girl like her.

Bitch, I need to breath.

She is a damphir, she is born to be a guardian. To guard her best friend Lisa, a princess from the vampire royal family. At first u see her having this amazing conection with her and then u learn about the bond, al because that accident.

Now she gets soooooo in love with DIMITRI, her guardian/warrior teacher. And something happens to him. He gets bite and transform to Strigoi. But they made a promise. For who is tranformed, the other will end that sufferable life.

NOW HERE IS WHEN I CRY.

She left. she left even when she was getting crazier because of the bond. She left her STUDIES. IN HER LAST YEAR BEFORE GRADUATING. GUYS U SHOULD NEVER LEAVE UR STUDIES. BUT SHE DID. BECAUSE OF THE PROMISE.

She fucking left USA to go FUCKING RUSSIA TO KILL HIM. She is there as always fearless, but almost dead herself for having to kill him. SHE MET HER FAMILY AND FOR SOME TIME SHE THOUGHT ABOUT STAYING WITH THEM. BUT SHE HAD A PROMISE.

So she left, and when she found him she couldnt kill him. She just couldnt.

"Roza, you forgot my lesson. Don't hesitate" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

U just cant understand me. U just cant. I HAVE NONE TO TALK ABOUT ROSE AND DIMITRI.

And then Dimitri kidnapped her and he drunk of her kissing her and making her mind foggy. But when she is most wake up she fights and gets out. She summon the ghosts to make him slower, at the end she stands at the bridge, on top the railing. She would rather die than become strigoi.

She still asks him, just for trying, just out of love, "why should she stay together with him" He says because he wants her.

Strigois wants things, poeple. They are used to rutines from the past. They just want to posses and have.

when she falls she knows she woul catch her, because there is this things they still have. the same mechanism. So she has a stake in her hand when he puts her back on top of the railing not realizing the stake. AND SHE KILLS HIM. SHE SATBS HIM WHILE SHE SAYS "I LOVE YOU".

DIMITRI THE SAYS , "THATS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID".

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NOW HE IS DEAD. DEAD.

ONLY TO DISCOVER, HE DID NOT. ROZA DID NOT STAB DEEPER ENOUGH. SO HE SURVIVED. NOW HE IS HUNTING HER.

But then she finds she can turn him back TO LIFE, but for that she creates A PLAN TO KIDNAP FROM THE MOST GUARDED JAIL A ROYAL MEMBER WHO TRIED TO KILL LISA.

SO THEY DO THAT. SHE PLANS EVERYTHING KNOWING FUCKING WELL THEY WILL EXPELL HER IF THEY FOUND OUT BUT SHE DOES NOT CARE. SHE WILL FIGHT FOR HIM. A WHOLE BOOK OF THIS AND MORE ILLEGAL THINGS THAT ROSE DOES FOR HIM JUST FOR HIM TO BE COME BACK ALIVE AS A DAMPHIR -the last thing was that lisa had to be the one to stab kim with thius new stake sin she had the spirit.- AND SAID HE OWES LIS. LISA. DEFUCK U R ASYING. SHHUT THE FUCK UP. GET THE FUCK OUT. I HAVE NEVER, NEVER, BEEN SO MAD INNMY LIFE. I THING SOMETHIMES ABOUT THIS AND I AM FUMING.

DIMITRI DEVOTES THEN HIS LIFE TO LISA AND REFUSE TO TALK TO ROSE. BECAUSE OF HOOOOW TRAUMATIZED HE IS ABOUT ABUSING Rose and killing innocents as a Strigoi.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I PITY ROSE. IMAGINE DOING ALL THE WORK BEING THREATED MILLION TIME STO BE EXPELLED KNOWING WELL THE OTHER ROUT THE FEMALES DAMPHIR ENDS IS AS BLOODWHORES, JUTS FRO DIMITRI TO CARFE ONLY FOR LISA.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DISAPOINTED IN MY LIFE. AND THIS IS NOT THE END.

NOW THERE IS THE LAST BOOK WHERE HE HAS TO HELP ROSE TO ESCAPE BECAUSE SOMEONE ACUSSED HER OF KILLING THE QUEEN. U KNOW WHY HE DOES HELP HER? BECAUSE LISA TOLD HIM.

I WANT TO STAB HIM MYSELF.

And blabla at the end he stop guiltying himself and loving Rose but blablabla like im so mad about before. its just i became a monster.

U GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND)

Btw, the song Little Girl Gone reminds me so much of Rose in her adventure to try and kill dimitri. Hear the lyrics.

OMG I just realized u asked me if i like it or not. Well u can tell for how i wrote that up there. Well. I do love characters that haunt the narrative. I also fucking irritated abot it. They make me suffer. but their endings are more satisfactory (unless the endings are sad endings too¿? like the existance of its own characters. Thats how i feel.

[cosmicjoke]

Omg you're a RE fan <3 would love for you to talk about it more if you dont mind answering what's your opinion on RE2R and RE4R compared to the OG ? (I love RE4R mainly for how they did so well with the characters development but story wise RE2R is better imo)

Yes, haha. I've been playing the RE games since the beginning!

To answer your questions, I love RE2R and RE4R immensely! I know it's probably sacrilege to say to some, but I think both games are obviously superior to the originals, not just in terms of graphical improvement, but in terms of character and story development, and also overall game play. People get nostalgic for the originals, I understand, but there's not really a contest as far as immersion goes and also game mechanics.

I thought they did an amazing job in RE4R of grounding Leon and making him a more believable and layered character, as well as Ashley, who, lets face it, in the original is pretty annoying, lol, and Leon is much more your sort of archetypal action hero, zinging off one-liners instead of sounding like a real person. So they really did an incredible job of bringing both of them to life in the remake. The same, I think, for RE2R, where Leon again came across much more nuanced and human, despite retaining that heroic, boy scout heart.

And yeah, just like with the original RE2 and RE4, RE2R is much more of a survival-horror game, and in a lot of ways more difficult, since your weapons are much more limited, requiring a lot more strategizing and methodical thinking. I would say I like both stories equally, particularly because RE4R builds so well off of what happened in RE2R, and we really see how Leon has changed from one game to the next, how his experiences in Racoon City have shaped and influenced him. He's so much more worn-down and jaded in RE4R, something you can witness even in his physical presentation, the weary expressions he wears, how even his voice sounds much more weary. Which, again, is a vast improvement over the original, where the trauma of what he went through, both in Racoon City, and in the aftermath, with the government essentially kidnapping him and forcing him into their special ops program, isn't nearly as developed or explored. I just think both games compliment each other beautifully. We watch Leon go from this very optimistic, hopeful young man who genuinely wants to do good and believes he can, to someone who still genuinely wants to do good and does the best he can to achieve that, but who's kind of had the optimism kicked out of him, who's plagued by doubt and who's also carrying a lot of guilt over not being able to save more people in Racoon City, carrying that guilt and trauma into his mission in Spain to rescue Ashley, and that being what drives him toward believing not just that he can save this girl, but that he has to. It's why I still think the developers for RE 9 are deflecting, because Leon is the character who has the most connection to Racoon City and the trauma associated with the T-Virus outbreak there. You could argue that Jill also has that connection, but by the time she'd gotten to Racoon City proper in RE3, she'd already gone through it in the Spencer mansion, had already encountered the virus outbreak, and was also already an experienced special ops officer, and so it didn't have the same shock impact on her, I don't think, that it did Leon, who was literally showing up to his first day on the job and had zero experience in the field as a police officer. I think Leon has a special connection to Racoon City because he was plunged so mercilessly into the horror and tragedy of what was going on, and was basically running solo through the whole experience. Jill had her team with her in the mansion, Chris and Barry, etc... And while Leon had Claire, and later Ada, again, he'd only just met the both of them, and Ada flat out betrays him at the end, before seemingly dying, adding to his trauma, and most of the game is spent without much interaction between them. So I think Leon's trauma related to Racoon City is unique in the franchise.

So yeah, I think both games are equally good, while presenting you with very different types of game play and also very different versions of the same character, Leon being fundamentally changed by his experiences between the games, but still remaining the same, good man he's always been at his core.

Anyway, I hope that answers your questions and thank you for the ask! It's a lot of fun getting to talk about Resident Evil for me! It's my all-time favorite game franchise, along with the Legend of Zelda!

[lemon-shortbread]

Now this is just some thoughts so im putting em under the cut! ❤️

I started talking to this guy and we had like all of the same kinks, and he seemed pretty chill at first, but then, as things go, it gets to the point where he INSISTS that i go ahead and get pregnant because he’s “always wanted to date some one pregnant.” and. its the entitlement for me.

I started thinking about how that statement felt and knowing that that’s just something that he was totally down to push onto me. Now, in this economy and me living from paycheck to paycheck, I’m pretty uncomfortable with just getting pregnant for some dude’s kinks to be fulfilled. And don’t get me wrong, he’s a sweet enough dude, but when it turns to texting me just about his kinks and trying to persuade me to go ahead and try surrogacy so he can be there to “witness something magical” and because “it would be a cool experience”, i get annoyed.

And this isn’t an isolated incident. I’ve had many men try to pursue me to satisfy their fetishes without considering my health, feelings, or personhood and it makes me wonder why this is such a common occurrence. I understand it’s hard to date with more obscure fetishes ruling your sex drive, but it’s way too frequently that a man messages me and within 20+ responses he’s asking me to shove an ostrich egg up my pussy.

What also confounds me is when I talk about this with some non-involved friends, the response is along the lines of “Oh well that’s how people talk when theyre horny.” Like it’s fine and normal. I think i’ve had a disproportionate amount of negative ir dehumanizing experiences with (especially kinky) men and dmab people, and I have to wonder if this comes from a sense of entitlement or like if it’s unknowingly done, or if it’s maliciousness; my guess is the second, but good god.

I’ve been told by a lot of men to “go ahead and get pregnant” for their fetishes witH NO FINANCIAL SUPPORT or emotional or the!!! sheer amount of physical strain that puts the body through! And i have to wonder if these people have ever been around actual pregnant people. Or if they’re just fetishizing every pregnant person without considering that it’s. kind of a high risk kink to participate in if things aren’t planned carefully.

The stories of “hahaha my friends pregnant shes so hot” while then describing her having terrible heartburn and being exhausted as part of what makes her “so hot”. This real human person who you are not engaged romantically with. The amount of stolen videos from mommy blogs and tiktoks and ai of pregnant people I see gets a little disturbing when you think about the implications, well at least to me it does. I know we look for content where we can….but like, yknow?

“you dont wanna be pregnant right now? Awwweee okaay, but that sucks :( makes me sad.”

“Well, guess we’re done here then, bye. Since you dont wanna experience something amazing”

“Can you start surrogacy so when we start dating you’re already pregnant?”

like. do you hear what you sound like. does this sound normal. are these normal requests.

And no matter how many times i explain hey, these are my boundaries, here’s what im not cool with, here’s my kinks. We will ALWAYS find the time and space to try and snake around the shit to get our rocks off.

Spamming me to get free fetish material, begging and offering to buy shit to put in my body after ive said no, weird ass comments about how id be lucky to have them as a sperm donor and how id be “such a good cow for them” like, i get it. we’re all kinky, but bitches need to learn about goddamn boundaries and limits and human goddamn decency because jfc dude.

Yall really scare me sometimes and I know this is partially happening due to my own naïveté and shyness and fear of confrontation, but damn, even after setting boundaries this shit is ridiculous. It makes it a little scary reaching out or trying to meet folks, and i dont think this is a fixable issue tbh.

[leeleemeemee1]

I know the winter updates getting fixed n all but i just gotta say my experience with it. (twisted/toon spoilers ig..???) btw, i have none of these toons! this is based on what i see!

okay first off with Rudie! I don't even have a problem with him, hes a cool toon with a silly personality! decent stats, very fun ability similar to flutters. His twister is also cool, hes the 2nd character to have a glow! except now you have to guess if its brughtney or rudie LOL (i prefer Rudie.. I hate you Brightney stop turning off the lights.) back to him and his personality, Qwel hinted that there was something eating yp at the back of his mind that he cant internally control. when I saw it I thought it was his nose.. and maybe- might be. or maybe its his holiday spirit.. theres barely any interactions on the wiki but he talks about christmas a lot and it kinda looks like some toons don't like it/confused.. i love Rudie though hes so cool 9/10

Nexttt up GINGER! shes so cute i love her design a lot.. I find it very cool that her and Cosmo are cousins, I really love related toons. Her personality is peak.. i love shy toons. im kind of confused about her introduction though? "Ginger may be a little shy but has an eye for design! Her art is frosted into delicate details on her favorite baked goods! Though the taste may not be as lovely as the looks!" (an eye indeed-) anyways.. I dont know if its implying that the taste isnt as good or if shes just REALLYYY good at designing. anyways i headcanon that the holiday toons visit on certain times of the year (probably canon bc her and cosmo's interaction..?) so every time she'd visit she would help Sprout and Cosmo with baking and whoever's doing the decorations.. for a holiday party! such a helpful gal.. NOT HER TWISTED THOUGH. IVE BEVER BEEN GENUINELY SCARED OF A FUCKING UNCOMMON TWISTED UNTIL THIS UPDATE?! Shes very slow yeah.. except sometimes i see her walking faster. :/ but when she spots you she will NOT lose you. atleast 25 seconds she'll stop.. when i played atleast. thankfully now it is 10 seconds. she does have a good eye after all! im just glad they changed it. i found it kinda unfair when it came to low stam toons.. 25 seconds? unless you had a stam regen item or someone taking her away from you you're just.. cooked. 9/10 for Ginger. amazing toon, not a great twisted.

OKAYY COAL! not much to say. she was a huge suprise.. (literally. that big ahh piece of coal i love her sm) stats are peak, similar to Pebbles'. Her ability is also helpful. it'll be very funny seeing toons fight for a medkit when they see it highlighted LOL. her Twisted is okay, not much of a problem since ive only seen her Twice. but blackout? HELL NAH! FYM SHE GETS TWICE THE SPEED? SHE ALREADY HAS A HIGH ATTENTION SPAN?!(8s) dear Qwel, stop making the pets terrifying. imagine a blackout Pebble + Coal. 😖 6/10.

Bobette! the first main after the confirmed 5! it feels very weird to have another.. and honestly? id rather only have the 5 mains we had. SORRYY SORRY! I am happy for Bobette though dont get me wrong, she seems like a VERY fun character! atleast i think! no one has her yet, how am i supposed to know! (actually i just found out someone already has vintage Bobette. you NO LIFER.) her stats are a problem though. 5 star skill check and stamina but everything else is 2 star.. theres no point then really?? the two stats that are pretty useless without its other, the speeds ofc. it made no sense to me. im glad they're changing it though! onto her twisted.. terrifying! Traumatizing! never again! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! cute, really is.. imo shes more scary than pebble. she has the same speed (now changing to slightly less than him) if you pick up anything she will run to it. and thankfully on floor 20 you're guaranteed to get her! expect every 20 floors she duplicates according to the wiki.. thars not normal btw!!! shes made me hate this update i cant take it any longer i hate everyone here /j but seriously.. these twisteds are TERRIFYING. 9/10. shes very unique!

the update is amazing.. i love whatevrr Qwel cooks up for her fans! 9/10 update i will be playing rn!

HOLY YAP-🗣️🗣️☄️💥💥💥💥🔥

[lemonsdietcoke]

hii soo maybe a little vent im sorry and sorry if my english is bad, but i just wanted to say thank you for your series, i'd also had a toxic relationship, not as hard as the one you wrote, but i saw myself reflected too many times while reading it, in so many sentences, in so many ways, i think many people would say its not okay to write about these stuff but i think its necessary, because when i read it i feel so seen, and also, it's so important because people who maybe have not been in this kind of relationships can understand, i love how you emphatize so much in how much he doesnt leave her alone, i love how much you make him say all kind of stuff blaming her and actually being hurt, because when they talk and speak and blame you they actually do think its your fault, its not pretend, its not trying to manipulate you in a 100% way, they are really that narcissistic to think you have the blame and thats why one believes it too, i love how you write her and her struggles, its not easy to let go completelly and you portrayed it so realistically so that people that had been and also not had been could understand how difficult it is.

They do make you feel horrible and you love them, and i feel her so much, and i feel you, because if you write it so well it's because you have something deeply connecting with what you write. And it also connected with me, and it made me remind why i dont have to go back, because yes, reading some parts made me miss him, but then, i kept reading, and the realization that even though it hurted so much and that i really really feel so alone without him (and yeah, i really think i blocked him because i know i cant stand to even face that he is real) the solution its not coming back.

They have to get gone!!🥺❤️ thank you so much again.

Wow first of all I’m so sorry you had to experience anything like that. You deserve so much better and I’m sure you are a beautiful amazing person. Second of all. I’m so proud of you for leaving that relationship. I know how hard it can be to let go someone who you love yet they hurt you deeply and I’m glad that reading this helped you in someway. This really means so much to me and if you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to DM me thank you so much for sharing your personal experience 🥹💕

[aranarumei]

your fairy tail posts got me into it, so I gotta ask: favorite ships?

um. my condolences? well i'm joking—despite my critiques of it i still love the thing dearly and am extremely fond of a lot of the characters. I hope you’ve had fun with it too! as for ships... my tastes have changed over the years while also not? i've become really into like. friendships lately, yknow, or things where the dynamic between the two is more important than it being strictly platonic of romantic. so I would say i'm open to a lot of them. as for the ones i tend to go for, they tend to be like. super conventional. whatever i was into years ago, but now i just have a lot of extra headcanons about it. the thing for me is that a lot of the "big" fairy tail ships have like. really good setup, and shoddy execution. also this got long bc I rambled. sorry

i like natsu & lucy because i want them to be best friends and sometimes being best friends is a romance as well... and that starts out really strong in canon until it gets dragged on into just. bad fanservice. like i dont need natsu to see lucy when she's naked. i want them to have an emotional conversation or just work together as a team.

i like gray & juvia a lot, which i know is contentious, but i think they have a genuinely great setup (juvia's someone who's got wild ideas about love, and immediately falls for this guy, who's not into her at all but is also just a better person than any romantic attachments she's had before, and then she's figuring out herself and her place in fairy tail over time. the first two big juvia moments the show has after her fight is when she does a unison raid with lucy and when she refuses to fight cana. her initial feelings towards gray are also... quite shy? like she definitely does follow him around a bit but i think half of that is bc she wants to join fairy tail) and then it just doesn’t resolve well (over time she gets more pushy in a way that reads as jokey but is also uncomfortable, and her character kind of stops being about anything but gray) I’d love to see a version of gray & juvia where gray’s non-interest in her is actually beneficial for her, because she’s not rushing into something with high, perhaps fragile emotions, and she gets to grow as someone outside of gray, and juvia’s protectiveness of gray is done in a way where she’s not pushing him to like her, but rather protecting him just because that’s what someone who loves him would do. this is great for juvia, and also great for gray, who probably could use having someone to check in on him every once in a while. bring them into being seriously friends without pushing romance, and then we could maybe try a romance. it would be slow burn as hell. it would be delightful and entirely to my taste. I have so many wips abt this.

related to that, I like juvia a lot so gajeel & juvia’s relationship as well as lucy & juvia’s relationship is really fun to me. gajeel and juvia especially I would loveeee to dive into their friendship. I think they have a shared experience in phantom lord but also weren’t friends at the time and had a lot of different things going on, so it’s neat that they are still like. looking out for each other because of that past.

jellal & erza have great setup, it’s amazing drama and I think it just. works. completely. after the 7-year timeskip I think it loses some steam, and then it never really recovers in terms of having a sense of weight and depth. I am nonetheless fond of it.

what else… I am really into sting/rogue, I’ve got a fic for that one, and I like freed/laxus a lot, too. I’ll be the first to admit that in canon, freed & laxus don’t have that many meaningful interactions (freed is obsessed with him in a sort of like. comical unrequited crush way bc haha, gay people) and laxus cares for everyone in the raijinshuu pretty equally it feels. However. the initial arc? the fantasia arc? I think the raijinshuu are at their best there, and I wish they had gotten developed into smthing more interesting. once again I have a lot of headcanons.

i think gajeel & levy probably has the smoothest execution of any relationship, but kind of wish levy's character had a bit... More to her? like she's very smart but lucy also tends to do a lot of the smart stuff, and she knows runes but freed is clearly the runes guy, and i just wish we could've gotten more than that? I’ve been messing around with headcanons relating to her recently…

that’s the thing with a lot of fairy tail ships. I think a lot of the character relationships have really interesting ways of looking at them bc there’s just so many characters I like. like I think gray & erza’s relationship is really neat. I wish we’d gotten to see more of gray & cana as friends… it’s so cool that gray & loke are friends to the point that he’s the guy he picks for S-class trials… I like lucy & loke’s relationship a lot (like, the fact he joins gray for those trials is a display of how free he is even while she has his key, and also the loke mini-arc is one of my all time favs). I love the deal with the whole strauss siblings and would’ve been interested in seeing freed & mira interact some more. I don’t really care about it in canon but I think elfman & evergreen is actually a really interesting setup, since they’ve both got this sense of… vanity about them? (evergreen wants to be titania, queen of the fairies, and elfman valorizes manliness. there’s interesting places to take that!). raijinshuu friendship, I’m really into that, like, laxus feels like such a Solo guy and yet he willingly carts around a team with him, and also everyone in that team have kind of freaky eye powers, as far as I can tell. what’s that about. did u upturn your nose at fairy tail’s misfit guild while hanging with a misfit crew? it's a team that characterizes laxus well… I know he’s technically not Part of the raijinshuu team but Cmon he literally is.

all that to say. you could probably sell me on a lot of ships. but natsu/lucy, gray/juvia, sting/rogue, and freed/laxus are probablyyyy the ones I think about most and actively write for (and don’t publish LOL. I need to actually finish one of these things, but the issue is I’ve built so many headcanons I feel weird abt it sometimes. I would loveeee to talk abt them sometime tho)

but even saying that, a lot of the stuff I write reads very ambiguously platonic, so like. if I got sold on something, I’d probably get into it.

anyways anon ty for the question! i love chatting

[rainderthesomeone]

Its official :>

I know I've said it here and there on a few posts on transgender stuff, but its a official, I'm trans :D

TW: I talk about abuse and body dysphoria in this post, you dont have to read the rest, this section is just me sharing my experiences in my teenage years with a homophobic as hell republican as a father.

I've known for a while like ever since I was in Middle School, I had a really hard time fitting in with other girls, I tried making friends with them but they were all into make up and dress's and talking about boys and other stuff, I made at least one friend in middle school but they left me for a group of girly girls, and I wasn't interested in what they liked, I was into a lot of things they were not interested in, I was a huge nerd, I liked games, Godzilla, movie production, comics, marvel, star wars, fnaf, dinosaurs, bendy, (not saying girls dont like these things, girls can like anything guys :D women are amazing I know a lot of amazing girls now :>) nothing they liked and when they saw that they weren't interested in me anymore, but I connected with the guys a lot more, but they always saw me as the girl who tagged along and needed to be treated gently, at first I had no interest in the lgbtq community or the idea of being something else other than what I already was, I couldn't even really talk about, since the topic of gay and gender ideology wasn't allowed in the house I used to live in, my father hated gay people, said they were wired, and shouldn't be his words not mine "frolicking around and being queer" da hell dose that mean? im still baffled by that, he's also that kind man who thinks lesbians are cool and gay men shouldn't exist, it was that level of misogyny and homophobia, looking at it now, it was really disgusting and disturbing, but I was 12 I didn't know any better.

but than as I got older I became more aware, and started questioning things, I was 13 in my room, on my phone, and I found this artist who was drawing deltarune characters, deltarune was also a huge eye opener to the lgbtq comunity for me, since kris identified as none binary, but I found one of the oc's the artist made and they identified as A gender, and I was like whats that and looked into it more and more, and than I went from I dont know who or what I am, to maybe im a demi girl, maybe im A Gender, maybe im none binary and than boom, it clicked, I went with they/them/there's for a while, but I began to feel uncomfortable, by being refred to as her, she, I started hating wearing a braw and how scratchy and annoying it felt, I began hating my chest, I stopped wearing shorts due to my legs being abnormally hairy and that girls arent supposed to be hairy, at one point my dad was going to put me through a hole body hair removal process which would have removed all my body hair, and he was going to do it without me knowing, until my mother told me, she was the most supportive person I had while going through this, I was litteraly terrified to say no to my dad, but eventully he didint go through with it, but I still wasnt allowed to have body hair, every time we went shoe shopping he tried to get me pink shoes, and brands women would only use, we went on a cruise and we had to dress up, but I didint want to since I would have had to wear a dress, blue jeans were the only thing I had that was close to guy clothes, I wasnt allowed anything remotley masculine, only my mom would let me have products like old spice, and she took me guy clothe shopping but it had to be in secret from my father, who would hurt me and my mother if he found out, not physically well he would probably slap me, but only yell at my mother, which still wasnt good, eventully we left his sad ass, and now me and my mom live in a apartment together, and from there I could freely explore who I was, a month later I came out as trans to my mother right after we left, and im in therapy with an amazing therapist and I have amazing friends who dont fully understand but support me in every direction, only triggering thing Ive experinced so far was not being able to change my pronouns to he him lol, Curse you school bored! XD

anyway sorry for the lenghty slightly depressing post, I just wanted to share my story here since I have the platform to do so now, the freedom of speech is very rewarding and validating lol, origanlly this was going to be a post about "guys I got my first chest binder oh and btw im ftm" but I wanted to get this off my chest no pun intended and open myself up more on here, the trans comunity on tumblr has been amazing so far, especially the tf2 comunity on here, I truly feel welcomed and comfortable being here.

lot of grammar issues in here, grammars not my strong suit plus its 11 pm for me right now, im heading to bed lol, good night everyone!

[minloe]

The Sprit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White is my favorite book, so I’m going to dump a bunch of my favorite quotes.

These quotes may have spoilers, please read the book first, it’s worth it

- My very favorite quote from the book is “They must have convinced themselves they would never rot in the same dirt we do” (page 374)

- “Rabbits never get a chance to rest. Something always wants to hurt us” (page 349)

- “Do you know how angry the dead can be?” (page 338)

- “Silas, what did you have to do to get here? Silas, what did you do? You’re alive, you’re alive, you need to run” (page 289)

- “Have you seen what has been done to us? Do you understand? Do you feel it the way we felt it? Please say you do please” (page 287)

- “That’s the most I’ve heard you speak.” “It’s the most I’ve had to say.” (page 266)

- “Sick girl. Sick girl girl girl. You’re a sick girl playing dress-up, you’re a sick girl lying to yourself, you’re making things up and you need to be fixed and you’re sick sick sick sick sick—” (page 216)

- “I think the entire world depends on people pretending they don’t know they’re doing terrible things.” (page 205)

- “i am a haunting i am a poltergeist i am stuck here screaming” (page 1)

- “No no no let me warp the air let me haunt this place let me haunt this place let me haunt them. Let me do something by other than watch my body rot. Bury me burn me i dont care just please please please—” (page 75)

- “I want to lay out my dissected body next to his and show him the pieces of us that are the same. Could he tell his arteries from mine, the folds of my brain from his own? If I excised both our eyes and laid them out on a microscope, would there be a difference?” (page 83)

- “I am a collection of precious gems sewn up in a cadaver.” (page 102)

- “She’s like me, she’s like me, and I’m safe” (page 108)

- “I cannot. Because I do not know the way my mind works either. It is a mind that experiences the world too much. It is a mind that experiences everything in its smallest details, but without sensing the deeper meaning the rest of the world seems to inherently understand. It is a mind that sees the patterns and clicking, ticking systems all around us, but crumbles as soon as something falls out of place. It is a mind that operates, it seems, in a mirror version of the world, where the same actions and reactions are experienced so differently it’s like we are not even the same species” (page 227)

- “You’re not a coward for wanting to live” (page 195)

- “If a dead girl prays to God can he hear her?” (page 116)

This book is amazing and I love it aaaaaaaa

[bobachan]

I am getting older, some things stay the same, like me pondering over the concept of love.

I am not against it, but I am not really sure if I am in support of it. And surely am not against it, just that I cannot comprehend it.

Probably, it's just me. I can't see someone loving me or, rather, loving me back.

its one of those things I cant really just get my head around. It is just too much for me. Beyond my brain, beyond my consciousness, out of my experiences and thinking.

Because on one side, it's the question: What do I bring to the table for someone to love me back? What am I providing them?

Providing? In the sense of the reason,

the reason they would tolerate me,

the reason why they will stay,

the reason they would reciprocate the love I give them.

Accepting and loving me for who i am, yes thats kind. Maybe, a little too kind. Maybe the to the point its not kindness, it mercy. i have seen these old couples who are in so "love" and every thing, and it never looked like they were doing each other a favor by loving. So love isnt about being merciful to the partner.

On the flip side, changing myself for the other person, only to be loved by them without any regard for my own self. Is it really worth it, losing myself? Is this love or idolization?

Where do i draw the line to differentiate between, "i am trying to be seen" and "i am worshipping the person"?

What is love, really? I'm not really sure. I have been seeing things, observing, reading, listening and experiencing. What Or rather, nothing. Nothing really makes sense, to me.

Everyone is falling in love, falling out of love, in loving relationships. I've been in a wedding, i sat there thinking: What even is a relationship? I'm not sure what's the problem with me, or if there even is a problem with me in the first place.

I am 22 now, and i have never been in a relationship. I don't think I will be getting into one anytime soon.

Growing up, I thought I liked the girl, and I invested 7 years of my life on her. She asked me, Why did I like her? I didn’t have an answer.

I would like to think I never liked her. It was just the environment around me at the time. Everyone was falling in love. Hormones were showing up.

Investing 7 years of my life to her, linking her from a distance. Learning to write poetry, then drawing a portrait of hers. In hopes, that someday I would show it to her and she would reciprocate it back.

Though I felt for her before the hormone phase, i have nothing to prove or justify what i felt back in the day.

It's been 6 years now since she has rejected me. I don't think about it anymore. I used to write poetry in the name of love I had for her, only to realize I probably never liked her.

Based on what happened overall,

is it sad? I'm not sure.

Do I regret it? I don't think so.

Can I do anything about it? Nah.

Do I want to do anything about it? No.

What should i expect? I dont know

What do i want? I dont know

my friends, always nag me to get a girlfriend. i always think, how do i "get" a girlfriend, its not i can go to a shop and buy one.

but in all seriousness, how do i. when i am not really feeling anything for anyone, at least in the romantic sense. i am not thirsty for love, so i am not really trying. i think i am secure enough in myself to feel that. but the constant nagging to get in a relationship, the constant amazement of peers that i have never been in a relationship. why are things like this, why am i getting forced or shamed in to a relationship.

maybe, i will feel when i feel. but, what is really mean to feel?

this constant misery, i dont want any of this.

i am tired, i want to sleep.

[shyrusstone]

Adding onto this. Rant incoming.

I have always been described as "bubbly" and "cheerful" my whole life. Anyone who interacted with me outside my sibling circle thought "she hasn't been through anything before. She has the light in her eyes. She's so happy all the time!"

One day, for (almost) the first time, I found a PCP. I went for stomach pains that were worrying me.

I also, struggled with anxiety. So I thought I'd offhandedly mention, "hey also I have some anxiety. Is that something we can talk about?"

The moment I said it I began to cry.

He took me seriously, and offered for me to see the therapist they had in the building on the spot.

I had a brief talk with her, scheduled an appointment, and went.

I was so anxious. I told her everything that was currently stressing me out and I cried so hard I gave myself a migraine. This meeting was to just cover the basics, I wasn't supposed to go into all those details yet but it just came out. My therapist was a lovely person who saw me and stopped filling out the paper so she could talk me through it immediatley. She asked if she could share this with the doctor to get me some medication. I said yes.

He came into the room after being told of my situation and said what I have heard everytime someone hears what I've been through.

"I would have never even guessed you were going through all that. I met you and you were so warm and bubbly. I'm so sorry"

He then said "I'm going to prescribe you two medications right away and I want to see you in a week. If you have any problems don't worry about making an appointment. Just show up and I'll take you."

Through therapy and medication, I have noticed a *monumental* change in my life.

I'm eating better, I'm exercising, I'm remembering to do things I usually forget and I'm way more focused on things.

I'm not having breakdowns each week at work in the break room, or being too anxious to talk to employees.

I'm not thinking about waking up to a dead family every night. I'm not worried about my parents intentionally poisoning my food.

I don't ruminate on the many near death experiences in my family. I dont tense up when someone coughs in my house.

I don't flinch at every single sound, I don't cry if a loud sound goes off unexpectedly. I don't cry when someone yells at me.

I don't stop what I'm doing to pay attention to which way the emergency vehicles go.

But!

I am still me.

I am still a warm and bubbly person, who will love little things and joke around and buy cute plushies.

I'm lucky I got the right medication right off the bat. I'm lucky to have such an *amazing* doctor who listens to me. I'm lucky to have found the *best therapist* I could have ever asked for.

But I notice when I skip a day on medication. I'm still me without it, but it's so much harder to be.

I'm at my best when I have the help I need.

90s movies: Psychopharmacology is as good as a lobotomy. If you take pills to treat your mental illness it will literally murder your imaginary friends and you will become a boring, lotus-eating conformist drone.

Me after taking my meds: drives the scenic route home to see if there are any geese on the pond and does a little dance in line at the grocery store and comes home to throw everything​ in my fridge into a stew pot because I can finally taste food again while singing songs at my birds in which I replace all the instances of "she" with "Cheese" and doing a Dolly Parton impression on the phone to my sister

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 28

nyx anon, compression anon (new), pg anon, alabama anon, she/they anon

nyx anon

okay so thus is the nyx anon and this one js about my nan… shes uh…. Well we arent speaking right now bc when j saw her a couple days ago i ended up calling my mum and begging her tk come get me bc

My nan called me lazy

called me narrowminded

told me i use autism as an excuse for everything (because i was explaining my literal autistic traits)

told me to my face she would not love me anymore if i was gender queer (i am in fact gender queer she just doesnt know)

told me as i was talking to her about my girlfriend that its okau i might still end up straight

told me i don’t experience homophobia bc she has gay friends and she obviously she knows best

commented on everything i ate and at lunch gave me less than half of my little brothers portion and when i asked why she said it was to “get me in shape” (she knows ive been diagnosed with body dysmorphia) and when i was like… hey i will have a migraine if i eat this little she said “thats a risk you’ll have to take”

she started naming all the boys she thinks ive liked before (im a lesbian, she knows this) and she incLUDED MY COUSIN IN THIS LIST (NOT EVEN THE FIRST TIME SHES SUGGESTED INCEST TO ME???)

said it was okay ajd i might grow out of being autistic to be normal

then stoof outside of the bathroom i locked myself in and listened to me cry

told my mum after i went home early that i wasnt invited to movie night on sunday anymore. GIRL I DONT WANT TO GO 😭

anyways. That was an experience (this isnt even the worst time ive had with her 💀

Hi <3

I'm so sorry she's acting like this. I'm glad you know she's absolutely wrong and you were brave enough to stand up for yourself and leave early. That takes a lot of guts, and I'm really proud of you! I hope your mum was on your side?

____

Compression anon

Hi cas!! I don’t know how to start so I’ll just get right into it. I think in genderfluid, and I want to get something like a binder. Not the actual thing just yet, but like a super compression sports bra type thing. I’m a minor and I live with my super supportive (like of everyone under the trans umbrella) parents, my dads super chill and my mom constantly likes and reposts stuff like “trans kids matter” on Facebook… but I don’t necessarily want to come out yet, cuz I’m not really sure. Is the there a way I could ask for this without coming out? I’ve already talked to my mom abt it slightly, I just lied and said I wanted a compression sports bra because it was uncomfortable for like gym and physical activity… should I stick with that? I have a binary schedule at school, so that would allow me to wear it at least every other day if I felt like it. Any suggestions?

Sorry this was so long, feel no need to respond :)

Yeah I think that's a good place to start if you're uncomfortable saying anything more! Just make sure to buy from a reputable place, use the sizing guide, and I'd probably still take it off after 8 hours like a binder.

____

PG anon

HI

ranting about religion is fine!

As far as everything else, I think a therapist is an amazing idea. Whether or not you're depressed, you have a LOT going on right now and it sounds like you're holding a lot of peoples' emotions, so it would be nice to have someone to hold yours. You also deserve that support <3

I'm thinking about you and your friend, and I hope things get easier.

_________

Alabama Anon

hi, Alabama anon again. I just found out tonight that the school I’m going to has a GSA (gay-straight alliance). Granted, it is small, but there is one. I didn’t know this until today. Now I’m thinking to myself, “why didn’t I know about this until today?” I most likely won’t join it. I don’t know how I’d explain that one to my parents. But I’m just really happy that my school even has one. I wanted to talk to the person who was telling people about it, but my mother was following me around and I couldn’t.

while I’m here, I figure I’ll just update you on some other stuff. I have been trying to sort of hint to my friends that I’m not straight. I legit called a girl hot right in front one of my friends (one of the workers at one of the cafes around where I live) and she still thinks I’m straight. Either I’m bad at this, or she’s just not picking up on it. It’s most likely the first one.

I’m still not planning to tell my family anytime soon. My parents are still making sort of homophobic remarks in front of me. My English teacher was telling us about pronouns the other day and was telling us how they’re used (like we don’t already know) and said “or if you’re talking about a person you’ll use he or she” or something along those lines. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard, but it still annoyed me. So I’m just having a fun time all around. Anyways, I still like your writing, and I’m going to continue trying to indirectly come out to my friends.

Hi! I'm glad your school has a GSA! I know in my school we don't advertise it a TON, just so people don't actively campaign against it. Maybe that's why you didn't know?

As far as coming out, I feel like most people tend to assume others are straight until explicitly told otherwise, so that's probably why.

I'm sorry your parents and teacher aren't being great. I'm sending you love and I really hope that you're able to find a support system as you grow! What about the teacher who runs the GSA?

_____

she/they anon

i'm thinking of identifying as androgynous maybe?

idk honestly i'm afab but i prefer presenting as masc but at the same time i don't like he/him it just feels weird yk so like would that actually work

- she/they anon

Hon, you can identify however feels right for YOU. If that feels right to you, then that's absolutely perfect <3

[joshuasabolboro]

On this day, I want to start by recalling my best memories which is me and my family enjoying and having a very amazing time on the beach and also splashing water everywhere.At night time I and my friends had played truth or dare and we'll sleep at nine we all said.

I wish to go back to that day over and over again.I also studied for what i think the next lessons on some subjects will be and I helped my mom with chores around the house which made my mom really happy and I was pretty happy for what I have done too and I also realized that my mom helps us and works hard just for us to have a good life and I loved her for that and the second is my dad because he also works hard like my mom but the difference is that my dad studies at night time because he us determined to work as an attorney or lawyer and those things are what I realized when I was having a sembreak.

And when you realize that they are gona that is when you will realize that you missed out on alot and you would want to go when they were still there or something else and I this when I was still at my sem-break. family is the most important thing or people in our lives and we must always not shoo them again they bring us love and no discomfort at times of needs and even if alot of people are close family will always get closer. Which is what I observed and understood while it was still sem-break and I love them all for that. I and friends also went to bambanti and the best one there is the viking, even tho I almost puked it was alot of fun.

My friends are one of the best people who entered my life and brung more joy to it and i thank them for that. Most family members of mine are older that is why i dont get the same vibe that i get from my friends or bestfriends and because of school I had a harder time trying to hangout with friends and family members.

My mom also baked a very delicious pie which i loved very much and praised her for it. We also went grocery shopping and we bought alot of yummy food and I remembered i had to comply so i did my ict and many more subjects.

The sem-break has thought me alot like by learning how to appreciate my family and never stoping to love them and that they would also do that too and during the sem-break i learned and played games with my bff's and by playing i mean like using time and theirs to explore different gaming platforms and i spent my time playing roblox with my friends.

And during that time i learned how to become more mature and although they always tell me to do chores but now i thank them for it because learned how to do things that before i couldnt even so i owe them that and at those times i saw my brother grew up more and i feel so proud as his big brother. And the fact that we went swimming was awesome and it was our tita's pool so we had it all to ourselves mostly loved the slide because although at first it is pretty scary but after you conquer it you eventually can notice that it is a very fun experience and i enjoyed it very much.

We also had mini picnic on our backyard and it was super fun, it also comes with marshmallows and a horror time which was super spooky and we slept in tents and i really think that it was such a brand new experience and i really loved it.

And my answer to why this is important bis because we need to spend time with our family and what they do to us is needed and without them there would be only very few to support us with achieving our dreams and they help us get through hard times.

Family is most important in our life and this sem-break has thought me that this sem-break teached me how to be more mature and understand what your parents have done in own point of view and it also showed me how fast time is because of seeing my brother grow up so fast is just one thing ive seen this sem-break and it also helped me get my mind off school for a little bit and this break made me breathe fresh air, also have fun.

[scummy-writes]

HIS POV - CHAPTER 25

I am snug as a bug with alcohol and blanket. I dont think this is supposed to be a sad POV but...

Ah shit

Theres like. Immediately a lot to unpack. Jesus

Confirmed from birth that this was an issue. Maybe obvious but I couldn't tell if this was something that showed up in his childhood one day, or if it was from birth.

I'm Assuming this is after the surgery. And so that would explain the pain, the out of breath, the Everything Still Hurting So Bad. For a moment I was very confused.

-> I am super curious about the 'never once thought that what I did was wrong' since he constantly describes these as evil things and awful things to do. But if you describe your actions like that, would you not believe that they were wrong? Though I guess in this specific case he means he understands that according to the ideology of others, his actions of killing the corrupt would be seen as 'evil' and 'wrong', whereas he views it as.... i'm assuming necessary.

I think its still fine for me to hc some self harm issues with this, though. Him not sharing the 'this is wrong' belief doesnt mean that he can't be upset over knowing his mother or brother would be severely upset about what hes doing.

Maybe? Idk i want gilbrrt having random moments where he has relapses of his human heart and the weight of his sins crashes upon him in private meltdowns that he forces himself to hide by the time the morning light hits again

-> 'refusing to believe in love' ok mr 'ill write books with the person I love in mind'. Mr 'i'm going to keep an eye on who i love'. Mr 'hearing about this person keeps me going'. Mr 'ive learned to kill with my hands but also to craft my love for her'.

But i do like the worry there. He really does just want reassurances.

-> bet he really just never believed anyone could love someone like him. The "really? Really..." hits really hard

-> "for the first time in my life, I actually feel guilty" [over the prank] .... ['prank']

I just like these details.

Him taking pride in the work on Healing people rather than being known as a nation of killing....damn

-> "and honestly, being alive makes my plan a little more difficult, but--- Whatever. I'm happy, and you look happy, so what does it matter? I decided that since I was a villain, I could act like one, and just give myself over to the things I was feeling, even if only for one day"

Oooooh my god you let it slip that youre bad at the mental mindset of a villain once again. I feel like a 100% bad guy would RELISH in the feelings he wants to experience without even thinking of it like this... you're 85% villain babey.

-> "i'd set things up that way so that she could return to Rhodolite at any time, but I did not need to worry about that anymore"

Amazing. Everything in his plan even had her being able to safely go back home and live without him. She'd prob go home thinking he was still alive and that he was a weird dude that was facinated with her for a few weeks and that was that. My god dude. He was fine with just Some happiness with her before he died, even if she was wary and worried the whole time.

-> even though he still very much wants to destroy the cincept of an imperial family, he's now undecided on if he wants to die then or not. Amazing. This isnt pussy power at work here since they havent banged, he's just finding more hope in life since the person he loved for so long loves him back.

-> interesting details

-> also that blurb about how she had been raised explains SOOOOO much of why she is naive at times, because she genuinely hadn't been faced with too much issues as she was raised. Now my complaints about her seem more null and void with this.

WAILS

There we gooo, validation for the "hes testing her i think" comments i had scattered in these notes. I guess its obvious but it feels nice to have confirmation from the game.

Throws my phone so i dont get tears on it

"It felt like I was the one being conquered" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GILBERT ROUTE SPOILERS POST - HIS POV - ROMANTIC

Like the other notes (here), I am continuing my thoughts/notes on Gilbert's route. This post will focus on the His Povs for specifically the romantic end, since I've already done that ending.

I'll be reblogging this post each chapter or so with personal thoughts and general screaming under a cut. I'll be having it in a format with the chapter numbered, and then a cut directly after where I'll be yelling. I already know some major spoilers with gilberts route, so if you have not finished his route yet, be wary.

I'll be using the tags 'Scum Simps' and 'scum plays gil route' for those of you who want to filter it out. Thank u!

[dinas-a-bird]

Heyyyy could you write Ellie x fem reader. Reader has an alcohol addiction and Ellie takes her to her first AA meeting? Ive been sober for a year today and its been rough and Ellie being a supportive gf is all anyone really wants :) if you dont feel comfortable writing it I fully understand

thank youuu :)

I'm really proud of you for being sober for one year thats amazing!!! I've struggled with addiction myself so I get how hard even getting to one year is. This ones for you my lovely anon 🥰

Breaking the Chain

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem!reader

Warnings: alcoholism, addiction, fluff, Ellie being a good gf, modern AU

Summary: Ellie takes you to AA

Word Count: 784

A/N: Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, thank you anon for the request!

Ellie and you had been dating for roughly three years, and you had just moved in together last week. Ellie knew that you enjoyed a drink or two, during dinner, parties, or just when relaxing, but it wasn't until you started living together that she realized how much you relied on alcohol to cope with stress and anxiety.

Ellie started to worry about your drinking quickly, so she brought it up with you. At first, you were defensive and dismissive, saying that you had everything under control. But it soon became clear that you didn't.

One night, you came home late from work, clearly drunk. Stumbling through the kitchen, knocking over a chair, you went to hug your girlfriend, Ellie could smell the alcohol on your breath.

She’s had enough.

"We need to talk," she says, pushing you off of her.

You sigh, clumsily picking up the collapsed chair and sitting down. "I know," you said. "I've been trying to quit, but it's harder than I imagined."

Ellie kneels down in front of you. "I'm here for you," she softly rests her hand on your knee. "We can do this together."

You hang your head. "I want to quit," you whisper. "I really do. But every time I try, I end up drinking again."

Ellie sees a tear fall from your eye. She knows that you're struggling, and she wants to help.

"Have you ever thought about going to Alcoholics Anonymous?" she asks.

You look up at her skeptically. "I don't know about that," you say. "I don't want to be one of those people who go to meetings all the time."

She lightly rubs your knee, "It's worth a try," she says. "It's a safe space where you can talk about your struggles and get support from people who understand what you're going through."

You think about it for a moment. "Okay," you finally say. "I'll go to one meeting with you, but that's it."

Ellie smiles. "That's all I'm asking for.”

The next week, you and Ellie head off to your first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting together. As you walk into the small, dimly lit room, you feel your nerves building. You don’t know what to expect, and you weren't sure if you were ready to open up about your struggles with addiction.

The group leader welcomes everyone and explains how the meeting is going to work. Then, she invites the attendees to introduce themselves and share their stories.

One by one, people stand up and talk about their experiences. Some had been sober for years, while others were new to the program. You listened carefully, feeling a sense of belonging with the other attendees.

When it is your turn to speak, you stand up slowly, taking a deep breath and looking around the room. "Hi, my name is y/n, and I'm an alcoholic.”

The words feel heavy in your mouth, but you managed to push through. “I have been drinking for as long as I can remember.” you take a deep breath before continuing. “It started with a few drinks after work, just to take the edge off. But before I knew it the few drinks after work turned into a few drinks too many, and then I couldn’t get through the day without the alcohol.”

Looking to your left you see Ellie with a sad smile on her face, she reaches up and takes your hand. You smile down at her before continuing. “I have tried to quit on my own… although it never lasted long… The cravings would come back, stronger and I would give in, telling myself that just… one more drink wouldn’t hurt.” Ellie softly squeezes your hand. “But it did hurt, not only me but my girlfriend. She would come home to me drunk on the couch and I could see the pain she held as she watched me slowly disappear due to my addiction.” Swallowing the lump in your throat you look down at your feet, “They say the first step is realizing you have a problem… I have a problem… and I want to try to get sober”

When the meeting was over, Ellie and you stayed behind to chat with some of the other attendees. You exchanged phone numbers and email addresses, you even found a sponsor, a guy named Jesse.

As you walk out of the meeting with Ellie, you feel a weight lifting off your shoulders. You turn to Ellie, "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad we went to that meeting together.”

Ellie smiles softly, giving you a kiss. "I'm proud of you," she leans into your side. "And I'm here for you every step of the way."

[darklordofthesimp]

what if birdy had a near death experience again, leading them to get kicked from 141, price says it’s for them to focus on their health, to their psych. but they know the underlying disappointment with their lack of improving. they thought that same thing price did; “i’m a liability.”

they feel they lost their spark. what made them special was they were the best sniper the 141 could get, now there’s two more. they are no longer important, they’re expendable. they dont blame themself for the incident, they blame themself for not recovering. theyre in a constant state of kicking themself.

i think it’d be cool if they turned into a merc eventually

there’s only so much self hate you can sustain before you either kick the bucket or pick yourself the fuck up.

so since theyve been “kicked” from military, theyre bitter and don’t want to return. leading to mercenary work, like a whole moonknight sitch

or maybe sunny? giggle giggle

sunny almost dies, birdys already recovered so there’s no need for another member of 141. they’re sent on leave for the same reason as prior, price says it’ll be ‘good for them to take a step back.’ but never get called in again. not once.

so they do merc work 🤭

affiliates with anyone but the US military, skips from good to bad.

i think birdy would stay in line with their morals, but sunny would drift, would work with higher ups in filthy organisations to get where they wanted.

to who they wanted.

their might be a lingering romance w Ghost/König, but i feel the independence and rejection would give them both troubles

anywho i’m just ranting

i’ve been thinking abt a fic like this for ages

but like, your mcs are just so

Komo.

Everytime you're in here you drop the most fucking amazing shit and then dip. I swear. Every time without fail.

I wish I had the time to write some of your ideas, I'd fucking kill to see Sunny and Birdy do some merc work. I think Birdy would be the first to snap to be honest with you, but it'd be because of her moral code. It'll be the first time they realize that they can finally put down some of the real evil motherfuckers in the world and not have to worry about the rules of engagement AND they get paid for it.

It's just like a whole new world.

[sunflowersteves]

I did a lot of reflecting with myself and my very wonderful and lovely mutuals on an anon I received about confusion on my fic.

And I just wanna say, first, that my response was a very nice one, and also me defending some of the choices that I made (again, v nicely). But I realized after thinking about it that the reason I responded in the first place was that I felt as though it was my fault. The entire tone of the ask felt extremely accusatory, and not once asked kindly for any help.

No author should be torn down and ridiculed from your own confusion. Even if we look past the blatantly rude and entitled tone, the anon didn’t say hi, didn’t ask for any clarification, didn’t point to any specific passages or quotes, and didn’t ask if they could send me a dm. They didn’t give me anything to work with.

They just ridiculed me. They asked if I was serious—if I could “get things straight.” They told me every single issue they had rather than actually engaging with me on any confusion.

I have no problems if someone is confused about dialogue or plot or character decisions and asks, kindly, for clarification. Please, understand that. I encourage you, very much so, that if you are confused, please let me know. I will gladly help, and I have in the past.

And! I have no problems if you don’t like the choices I make regarding the plot points of my fic. that’s okay! You don’t have to. You’re not obligated to enjoy every single fic you read.

But when you tear my fic, limb from limb, and make me feel extremely discouraged, to the point where I thought any and all problems were my fault when it was yours? Especially as the pieces they complained about are in the warnings. All of them. Yeah, that’s not okay.

Here’s a bullet point list of some of the “confusion” they had and how I know their ask in my ask box was bullshit:

Joel was mean (in the warnings)

Joel is jealous (in the warnings and the literal plot of the series)

reader gets mad at Joel, Joel gets mad at reader (in the warnings)

smut after a six-week coma/hygiene (we’re literally talking about a post-apocalyptic reality, and others have confirmed with me that the reader is heavily implied to be bathed)

Joel is jealous (referenced again; THE PLOT & IN WARNINGS)

Ellie is two doors down from the smut happening (she is not, use context clues)

My point in responding and breaking down their “confusion” is to point out two things.

One? Read the warning tags. For the love of god, read the warnings all the way through. I promise you, you will not only understand more about the fic but you also won’t be surprised by anything.

Two? Please don’t do this to writers on this app OR anywhere at all. This is not how you ask for help when you need it. This is an extremely rude, arrogant, and entitled way of telling a writer you’re “confused.” I seriously doubt you would tell a writer this irl, in my opinion.

If you actually want authors, especially on this app, to engage with you, write the fics you want them to write, etc., DONT ACT LIKE THIS.

But also, it’s my fanfiction. It’s my writing. Every ridicule they placed on my fic was given to me as if my particular plot points were awful, and it felt as though they were insinuating that I should change them.

And you know what? I’m 21. I’m a college student. I’m still learning to write because it’s a skill. And that’s okay! It’s okay when fanfics lack clarity or have rough grammar. It’s okay if the plot doesn’t make entirely a lot of sense. It’s okay!

Now, I’m so happy to have grown from that experience, as well as have an amazing support group of people on this app. So, I will continue to be writing the series. I will continue to be writing for that character. I’m not changing a damn thing in my fic for clarification.

Again, I want to thank my mutuals for yanking me back up and helping me understand the depths of the ask they sent me. And big, big thanks to @honeystevie for helping me see that because without her initial reply, I’m sure I would’ve been in a very large discouraged writing hole. love you, rika <3

tagging some wonderful mutuals as a thanks and I’m giving a big hug: @moonlight-prose @cocoamoonmalfoy @tarrenterror25 @themarcusmoreno @fleurfairie @indouloureux @ghostofskywalker @iraot @dearest-readers @fxllfaiiry @fluffyprettykitty @targaryenvampireslayer @galatially @navybrat817 @rae-gar-targaryen @saradika