#and without her i dont think i would have had such an amazing first experience

[achillean-knight]

Oh yeah

I played Undertale for the first time

And I've known if it literally since it's first release (thanks to my brother), but never watched anything about it BC there was sorta a bad stigma around the time with the fandom that made me literally run in the other direction

BUT HOLY SHIT? Y'all I SLEPT on this game for 8 whole ass years wtf

[doppel-doodles]

It's doodling time fellas

I wanted to give myself a bit of a challenge so I decided to draw the ocs of a few people here on tumblr, with the added challenge of doing it fast-

Minimal erasing and redoing, basically whatever is slapped on the page first sticks whether I like it or not. And there is a little time limit on how much I can spent on each character so that I don't get distracted as easily.

Just a little exercise so that hopefully it'll get easier for me to throw down a sketch using few lines and not taking literal hours-w-" I know everyone has their own pace but I would like to be a faster artist.

Anyway my yapping aside and without further delay: The girlies💚💗💜❤

Now to who these lovely gals belong to:

Haiyang: @riptide-pools

Nawa: @auburnitzy

Suki: @peachy-puddin-cup

An he: @lumidotexe

For anyone interested I'll include some thoughts on each of these below the cut:>

Haiyang

The first one I did and I think it shows>~> I was basically more focused on just figuring out how I wanted to do this so I spent less time and energy on how I wanted the character to look in my style. In the end I settled on doing the basic shapes in pencil and then switching to colored fine liners for details.

With the colors also matches the way I draw digitally just a tiny bit more! Buuuut if I end up doing this again I definitely wanna redraw her, I wanna do this gorgeous character justice after all!/'w'/

Suki

Suuuuukiiii! I did draw her before so I decided to do this version, which I believe to be just her shadow form! While drawing I didn't actually give myself time to look it up cause ya know, no distractions which is why there is a question mark-

But my stupidity aside- here is where I started drawing a lot faster, I was in the zone if you will, so I spent what time I had left adding some variation to the line art. I do like this one and honestly she would probably be so much fun to render digitally so I'll see if I can if there is time:>

Nawa

NOW THIS IS WHERE THE FUN REALLY BEGAN-

Nawa just was such a blast honestly, probably because I was getting really comfortable at this point and let myself play around more with how I stylise the characters! I love me some funky eyes, its probably the most recognisable part of my style.

Also granted I don't know much on Nawa yet(fake fan I'm sorry-/j) I only recently followed the creator so I need to find time to just really browse through their blog and consume all the knowledge there is, but once I do I'll be unstoppable!>:D

An He

Last but certainly not least we finish with An He, who was a just a chill and nice lil drawing perfect to round out this doodle session-w- now I have actually read ERHS(shameless plug, read it it's so good- just need to find my attention span as I haven't caught up with it SOBS) so I have more knowledge on her.

For that reason I attempted to do a slimmer face shape, i wanted her built overall to read as visibly more thin and petite. Along side that I went for rings in her eyes as an allusion to sound waves as I didnt just wanna drop in a music note and call it a day.

however maybe I'll experiment more another time because I just dont think it reads that well:'<

That concludes my silly ramblings! Thanks for sticking around and if any of the creators of these lovely ladies see this- YOU HAVE AMAZING CHARACTERS AND I HOPE I DID THEM JUSTICE!- ahem.

If I do this again I'll definitely go for some male ocs as well for the sake of variety, it was a happy accident that I only drew girls here.

[dinas-a-bird]

Heyyyy could you write Ellie x fem reader. Reader has an alcohol addiction and Ellie takes her to her first AA meeting? Ive been sober for a year today and its been rough and Ellie being a supportive gf is all anyone really wants :) if you dont feel comfortable writing it I fully understand

thank youuu :)

I'm really proud of you for being sober for one year thats amazing!!! I've struggled with addiction myself so I get how hard even getting to one year is. This ones for you my lovely anon 🥰

Breaking the Chain

Pairing: Ellie Williams x fem!reader

Warnings: alcoholism, addiction, fluff, Ellie being a good gf, modern AU

Summary: Ellie takes you to AA

Word Count: 784

A/N: Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, thank you anon for the request!

Ellie and you had been dating for roughly three years, and you had just moved in together last week. Ellie knew that you enjoyed a drink or two, during dinner, parties, or just when relaxing, but it wasn't until you started living together that she realized how much you relied on alcohol to cope with stress and anxiety.

Ellie started to worry about your drinking quickly, so she brought it up with you. At first, you were defensive and dismissive, saying that you had everything under control. But it soon became clear that you didn't.

One night, you came home late from work, clearly drunk. Stumbling through the kitchen, knocking over a chair, you went to hug your girlfriend, Ellie could smell the alcohol on your breath.

She’s had enough.

"We need to talk," she says, pushing you off of her.

You sigh, clumsily picking up the collapsed chair and sitting down. "I know," you said. "I've been trying to quit, but it's harder than I imagined."

Ellie kneels down in front of you. "I'm here for you," she softly rests her hand on your knee. "We can do this together."

You hang your head. "I want to quit," you whisper. "I really do. But every time I try, I end up drinking again."

Ellie sees a tear fall from your eye. She knows that you're struggling, and she wants to help.

"Have you ever thought about going to Alcoholics Anonymous?" she asks.

You look up at her skeptically. "I don't know about that," you say. "I don't want to be one of those people who go to meetings all the time."

She lightly rubs your knee, "It's worth a try," she says. "It's a safe space where you can talk about your struggles and get support from people who understand what you're going through."

You think about it for a moment. "Okay," you finally say. "I'll go to one meeting with you, but that's it."

Ellie smiles. "That's all I'm asking for.”

The next week, you and Ellie head off to your first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting together. As you walk into the small, dimly lit room, you feel your nerves building. You don’t know what to expect, and you weren't sure if you were ready to open up about your struggles with addiction.

The group leader welcomes everyone and explains how the meeting is going to work. Then, she invites the attendees to introduce themselves and share their stories.

One by one, people stand up and talk about their experiences. Some had been sober for years, while others were new to the program. You listened carefully, feeling a sense of belonging with the other attendees.

When it is your turn to speak, you stand up slowly, taking a deep breath and looking around the room. "Hi, my name is y/n, and I'm an alcoholic.”

The words feel heavy in your mouth, but you managed to push through. “I have been drinking for as long as I can remember.” you take a deep breath before continuing. “It started with a few drinks after work, just to take the edge off. But before I knew it the few drinks after work turned into a few drinks too many, and then I couldn’t get through the day without the alcohol.”

Looking to your left you see Ellie with a sad smile on her face, she reaches up and takes your hand. You smile down at her before continuing. “I have tried to quit on my own… although it never lasted long… The cravings would come back, stronger and I would give in, telling myself that just… one more drink wouldn’t hurt.” Ellie softly squeezes your hand. “But it did hurt, not only me but my girlfriend. She would come home to me drunk on the couch and I could see the pain she held as she watched me slowly disappear due to my addiction.” Swallowing the lump in your throat you look down at your feet, ���They say the first step is realizing you have a problem… I have a problem… and I want to try to get sober”

When the meeting was over, Ellie and you stayed behind to chat with some of the other attendees. You exchanged phone numbers and email addresses, you even found a sponsor, a guy named Jesse.

As you walk out of the meeting with Ellie, you feel a weight lifting off your shoulders. You turn to Ellie, "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad we went to that meeting together.”

Ellie smiles softly, giving you a kiss. "I'm proud of you," she leans into your side. "And I'm here for you every step of the way."

[darklordofthesimp]

what if birdy had a near death experience again, leading them to get kicked from 141, price says it’s for them to focus on their health, to their psych. but they know the underlying disappointment with their lack of improving. they thought that same thing price did; “i’m a liability.”

they feel they lost their spark. what made them special was they were the best sniper the 141 could get, now there’s two more. they are no longer important, they’re expendable. they dont blame themself for the incident, they blame themself for not recovering. theyre in a constant state of kicking themself.

i think it’d be cool if they turned into a merc eventually

there’s only so much self hate you can sustain before you either kick the bucket or pick yourself the fuck up.

so since theyve been “kicked” from military, theyre bitter and don’t want to return. leading to mercenary work, like a whole moonknight sitch

or maybe sunny? giggle giggle

sunny almost dies, birdys already recovered so there’s no need for another member of 141. they’re sent on leave for the same reason as prior, price says it’ll be ‘good for them to take a step back.’ but never get called in again. not once.

so they do merc work 🤭

affiliates with anyone but the US military, skips from good to bad.

i think birdy would stay in line with their morals, but sunny would drift, would work with higher ups in filthy organisations to get where they wanted.

to who they wanted.

their might be a lingering romance w Ghost/König, but i feel the independence and rejection would give them both troubles

anywho i’m just ranting

i’ve been thinking abt a fic like this for ages

but like, your mcs are just so

Komo.

Everytime you're in here you drop the most fucking amazing shit and then dip. I swear. Every time without fail.

I wish I had the time to write some of your ideas, I'd fucking kill to see Sunny and Birdy do some merc work. I think Birdy would be the first to snap to be honest with you, but it'd be because of her moral code. It'll be the first time they realize that they can finally put down some of the real evil motherfuckers in the world and not have to worry about the rules of engagement AND they get paid for it.

It's just like a whole new world.

[sunflowersteves]

I did a lot of reflecting with myself and my very wonderful and lovely mutuals on an anon I received about confusion on my fic.

And I just wanna say, first, that my response was a very nice one, and also me defending some of the choices that I made (again, v nicely). But I realized after thinking about it that the reason I responded in the first place was that I felt as though it was my fault. The entire tone of the ask felt extremely accusatory, and not once asked kindly for any help.

No author should be torn down and ridiculed from your own confusion. Even if we look past the blatantly rude and entitled tone, the anon didn’t say hi, didn’t ask for any clarification, didn’t point to any specific passages or quotes, and didn’t ask if they could send me a dm. They didn’t give me anything to work with.

They just ridiculed me. They asked if I was serious—if I could “get things straight.” They told me every single issue they had rather than actually engaging with me on any confusion.

I have no problems if someone is confused about dialogue or plot or character decisions and asks, kindly, for clarification. Please, understand that. I encourage you, very much so, that if you are confused, please let me know. I will gladly help, and I have in the past.

And! I have no problems if you don’t like the choices I make regarding the plot points of my fic. that’s okay! You don’t have to. You’re not obligated to enjoy every single fic you read.

But when you tear my fic, limb from limb, and make me feel extremely discouraged, to the point where I thought any and all problems were my fault when it was yours? Especially as the pieces they complained about are in the warnings. All of them. Yeah, that’s not okay.

Here’s a bullet point list of some of the “confusion” they had and how I know their ask in my ask box was bullshit:

Joel was mean (in the warnings)

Joel is jealous (in the warnings and the literal plot of the series)

reader gets mad at Joel, Joel gets mad at reader (in the warnings)

smut after a six-week coma/hygiene (we’re literally talking about a post-apocalyptic reality, and others have confirmed with me that the reader is heavily implied to be bathed)

Joel is jealous (referenced again; THE PLOT & IN WARNINGS)

Ellie is two doors down from the smut happening (she is not, use context clues)

My point in responding and breaking down their “confusion” is to point out two things.

One? Read the warning tags. For the love of god, read the warnings all the way through. I promise you, you will not only understand more about the fic but you also won’t be surprised by anything.

Two? Please don’t do this to writers on this app OR anywhere at all. This is not how you ask for help when you need it. This is an extremely rude, arrogant, and entitled way of telling a writer you’re “confused.” I seriously doubt you would tell a writer this irl, in my opinion.

If you actually want authors, especially on this app, to engage with you, write the fics you want them to write, etc., DONT ACT LIKE THIS.

But also, it’s my fanfiction. It’s my writing. Every ridicule they placed on my fic was given to me as if my particular plot points were awful, and it felt as though they were insinuating that I should change them.

And you know what? I’m 21. I’m a college student. I’m still learning to write because it’s a skill. And that’s okay! It’s okay when fanfics lack clarity or have rough grammar. It’s okay if the plot doesn’t make entirely a lot of sense. It’s okay!

Now, I’m so happy to have grown from that experience, as well as have an amazing support group of people on this app. So, I will continue to be writing the series. I will continue to be writing for that character. I’m not changing a damn thing in my fic for clarification.

Again, I want to thank my mutuals for yanking me back up and helping me understand the depths of the ask they sent me. And big, big thanks to @honeystevie for helping me see that because without her initial reply, I’m sure I would’ve been in a very large discouraged writing hole. love you, rika <3

tagging some wonderful mutuals as a thanks and I’m giving a big hug: @moonlight-prose @cocoamoonmalfoy @tarrenterror25 @themarcusmoreno @fleurfairie @indouloureux @ghostofskywalker @iraot @dearest-readers @fxllfaiiry @fluffyprettykitty @targaryenvampireslayer @galatially @navybrat817 @rae-gar-targaryen @saradika

[aranarumei]

your fairy tail posts got me into it, so I gotta ask: favorite ships?

um. my condolences? well i'm joking—despite my critiques of it i still love the thing dearly and am extremely fond of a lot of the characters. I hope you’ve had fun with it too! as for ships... my tastes have changed over the years while also not? i've become really into like. friendships lately, yknow, or things where the dynamic between the two is more important than it being strictly platonic of romantic. so I would say i'm open to a lot of them. as for the ones i tend to go for, they tend to be like. super conventional. whatever i was into years ago, but now i just have a lot of extra headcanons about it. the thing for me is that a lot of the "big" fairy tail ships have like. really good setup, and shoddy execution. also this got long bc I rambled. sorry

i like natsu & lucy because i want them to be best friends and sometimes being best friends is a romance as well... and that starts out really strong in canon until it gets dragged on into just. bad fanservice. like i dont need natsu to see lucy when she's naked. i want them to have an emotional conversation or just work together as a team.

i like gray & juvia a lot, which i know is contentious, but i think they have a genuinely great setup (juvia's someone who's got wild ideas about love, and immediately falls for this guy, who's not into her at all but is also just a better person than any romantic attachments she's had before, and then she's figuring out herself and her place in fairy tail over time. the first two big juvia moments the show has after her fight is when she does a unison raid with lucy and when she refuses to fight cana. her initial feelings towards gray are also... quite shy? like she definitely does follow him around a bit but i think half of that is bc she wants to join fairy tail) and then it just doesn’t resolve well (over time she gets more pushy in a way that reads as jokey but is also uncomfortable, and her character kind of stops being about anything but gray) I’d love to see a version of gray & juvia where gray’s non-interest in her is actually beneficial for her, because she’s not rushing into something with high, perhaps fragile emotions, and she gets to grow as someone outside of gray, and juvia’s protectiveness of gray is done in a way where she’s not pushing him to like her, but rather protecting him just because that’s what someone who loves him would do. this is great for juvia, and also great for gray, who probably could use having someone to check in on him every once in a while. bring them into being seriously friends without pushing romance, and then we could maybe try a romance. it would be slow burn as hell. it would be delightful and entirely to my taste. I have so many wips abt this.

related to that, I like juvia a lot so gajeel & juvia’s relationship as well as lucy & juvia’s relationship is really fun to me. gajeel and juvia especially I would loveeee to dive into their friendship. I think they have a shared experience in phantom lord but also weren’t friends at the time and had a lot of different things going on, so it’s neat that they are still like. looking out for each other because of that past.

jellal & erza have great setup, it’s amazing drama and I think it just. works. completely. after the 7-year timeskip I think it loses some steam, and then it never really recovers in terms of having a sense of weight and depth. I am nonetheless fond of it.

what else… I am really into sting/rogue, I’ve got a fic for that one, and I like freed/laxus a lot, too. I’ll be the first to admit that in canon, freed & laxus don’t have that many meaningful interactions (freed is obsessed with him in a sort of like. comical unrequited crush way bc haha, gay people) and laxus cares for everyone in the raijinshuu pretty equally it feels. However. the initial arc? the fantasia arc? I think the raijinshuu are at their best there, and I wish they had gotten developed into smthing more interesting. once again I have a lot of headcanons.

i think gajeel & levy probably has the smoothest execution of any relationship, but kind of wish levy's character had a bit... More to her? like she's very smart but lucy also tends to do a lot of the smart stuff, and she knows runes but freed is clearly the runes guy, and i just wish we could've gotten more than that? I’ve been messing around with headcanons relating to her recently…

that’s the thing with a lot of fairy tail ships. I think a lot of the character relationships have really interesting ways of looking at them bc there’s just so many characters I like. like I think gray & erza’s relationship is really neat. I wish we’d gotten to see more of gray & cana as friends… it’s so cool that gray & loke are friends to the point that he’s the guy he picks for S-class trials… I like lucy & loke’s relationship a lot (like, the fact he joins gray for those trials is a display of how free he is even while she has his key, and also the loke mini-arc is one of my all time favs). I love the deal with the whole strauss siblings and would’ve been interested in seeing freed & mira interact some more. I don’t really care about it in canon but I think elfman & evergreen is actually a really interesting setup, since they’ve both got this sense of… vanity about them? (evergreen wants to be titania, queen of the fairies, and elfman valorizes manliness. there’s interesting places to take that!). raijinshuu friendship, I’m really into that, like, laxus feels like such a Solo guy and yet he willingly carts around a team with him, and also everyone in that team have kind of freaky eye powers, as far as I can tell. what’s that about. did u upturn your nose at fairy tail’s misfit guild while hanging with a misfit crew? it's a team that characterizes laxus well… I know he’s technically not Part of the raijinshuu team but Cmon he literally is.

all that to say. you could probably sell me on a lot of ships. but natsu/lucy, gray/juvia, sting/rogue, and freed/laxus are probablyyyy the ones I think about most and actively write for (and don’t publish LOL. I need to actually finish one of these things, but the issue is I’ve built so many headcanons I feel weird abt it sometimes. I would loveeee to talk abt them sometime tho)

but even saying that, a lot of the stuff I write reads very ambiguously platonic, so like. if I got sold on something, I’d probably get into it.

anyways anon ty for the question! i love chatting

[rainderthesomeone]

Its official :>

I know I've said it here and there on a few posts on transgender stuff, but its a official, I'm trans :D

TW: I talk about abuse and body dysphoria in this post, you dont have to read the rest, this section is just me sharing my experiences in my teenage years with a homophobic as hell republican as a father.

I've known for a while like ever since I was in Middle School, I had a really hard time fitting in with other girls, I tried making friends with them but they were all into make up and dress's and talking about boys and other stuff, I made at least one friend in middle school but they left me for a group of girly girls, and I wasn't interested in what they liked, I was into a lot of things they were not interested in, I was a huge nerd, I liked games, Godzilla, movie production, comics, marvel, star wars, fnaf, dinosaurs, bendy, (not saying girls dont like these things, girls can like anything guys :D women are amazing I know a lot of amazing girls now :>) nothing they liked and when they saw that they weren't interested in me anymore, but I connected with the guys a lot more, but they always saw me as the girl who tagged along and needed to be treated gently, at first I had no interest in the lgbtq community or the idea of being something else other than what I already was, I couldn't even really talk about, since the topic of gay and gender ideology wasn't allowed in the house I used to live in, my father hated gay people, said they were wired, and shouldn't be his words not mine "frolicking around and being queer" da hell dose that mean? im still baffled by that, he's also that kind man who thinks lesbians are cool and gay men shouldn't exist, it was that level of misogyny and homophobia, looking at it now, it was really disgusting and disturbing, but I was 12 I didn't know any better.

but than as I got older I became more aware, and started questioning things, I was 13 in my room, on my phone, and I found this artist who was drawing deltarune characters, deltarune was also a huge eye opener to the lgbtq comunity for me, since kris identified as none binary, but I found one of the oc's the artist made and they identified as A gender, and I was like whats that and looked into it more and more, and than I went from I dont know who or what I am, to maybe im a demi girl, maybe im A Gender, maybe im none binary and than boom, it clicked, I went with they/them/there's for a while, but I began to feel uncomfortable, by being refred to as her, she, I started hating wearing a braw and how scratchy and annoying it felt, I began hating my chest, I stopped wearing shorts due to my legs being abnormally hairy and that girls arent supposed to be hairy, at one point my dad was going to put me through a hole body hair removal process which would have removed all my body hair, and he was going to do it without me knowing, until my mother told me, she was the most supportive person I had while going through this, I was litteraly terrified to say no to my dad, but eventully he didint go through with it, but I still wasnt allowed to have body hair, every time we went shoe shopping he tried to get me pink shoes, and brands women would only use, we went on a cruise and we had to dress up, but I didint want to since I would have had to wear a dress, blue jeans were the only thing I had that was close to guy clothes, I wasnt allowed anything remotley masculine, only my mom would let me have products like old spice, and she took me guy clothe shopping but it had to be in secret from my father, who would hurt me and my mother if he found out, not physically well he would probably slap me, but only yell at my mother, which still wasnt good, eventully we left his sad ass, and now me and my mom live in a apartment together, and from there I could freely explore who I was, a month later I came out as trans to my mother right after we left, and im in therapy with an amazing therapist and I have amazing friends who dont fully understand but support me in every direction, only triggering thing Ive experinced so far was not being able to change my pronouns to he him lol, Curse you school bored! XD

anyway sorry for the lenghty slightly depressing post, I just wanted to share my story here since I have the platform to do so now, the freedom of speech is very rewarding and validating lol, origanlly this was going to be a post about "guys I got my first chest binder oh and btw im ftm" but I wanted to get this off my chest no pun intended and open myself up more on here, the trans comunity on tumblr has been amazing so far, especially the tf2 comunity on here, I truly feel welcomed and comfortable being here.

lot of grammar issues in here, grammars not my strong suit plus its 11 pm for me right now, im heading to bed lol, good night everyone!

[duncebento]

you study abroad right? how has that been? i want to but im worried its going to be too hard to adjust to plus school

i do!! i’ll give pros n cons though they might be specific

pros:

- i’m confident that i’m getting some of the best education i could be, which even though i’m from new york where there r many college options i still feel that it would’ve been settling to stay at home. to me it’s worth being there for the school

- i do like having the opportunity to immerse myself in another language as someone interested in linguistics!

- for italy specifically, food, art, architecture, pre-capitalist city planning which i feel is more….human-centric?

- since my school is in english, i have meet ppl from allll around the world. my class was originally 16 ppl and we were from 10 different countries across 5 continents. of the friends i’ve made there, one is chinese from hungary, one is from portugal, one is from india, one is from zimbabwe, and two are other usamericans.

- the cost isn’t great since it’s a private school, but i’m still paying less than i could have been in the US, n godwilling i will not graduate w student debt

- europe has trains so i can go places so easily

- night-out bar and club culture that i wouldn’t have access to yet in the US w/out a fake, but which i feel is crucial to the college experience lol. will treasure memories dancing to live music at the cuban bar, drinking spritzes on the river, bringing bottles of prosecco to house parties

cons:

- paperwork is so annoying ESPECIALLY because italian bureaucracy is ill-managed. BUT americans have such a passport privelege, my old roommate from iran couldnt come to school for months bc of her visa

- apts are still expensive i general, especially in places like florence w a high tourist appeal bc they are also airbnb infected, which has totally jacked up rent rates. right now i’m blessedly paying what i would definitely call reduced rent because a rich friend of a friend of a friend had an old apartment that she’s renting to me for far less than market price. but without knowing people from the area already apt hunting is hell.

- it’s not entirely a con, but def a learning curve around communication, because european profs are often excitable or brusque or sometimes even cruel in my experience in a way that wouldn’t fly so much in american colleges (though part of that is the fashion element imo.) it was hard for many americans to adapt to this sort of criticism

- i am definitely more conscious of my blackness in italy, ppl are more ignorant about black people (though imo not actually more hateful.) but ppl are also so amazed by my hair which is nice sometimes lol…..american whites will like never compliment black hair cos theyre scared. but yeah white ppl in europe dont have much of a faux pas developed against certain racism yet

- i do miss my family when i’m there— though now i miss my friends when i’m not there! and the time zone diff >_<

- it is very easy to be lonely, esp. at first. at fashion school i’m not really around “my type” of people, which means i feel really isolated even around the other americans. they just don’t know how to make heads or tails of me i suppose. but then, if i really think of it, that might just be a con of being weird in general. my usual odds of finding someone i really gel with are about 1/500, so that puny statistic decreases even further when most ppl around me don’t speak english as a first language.

[haemosexuality]

FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET I MEAN IT!!!!!!!

im ab to rewatch it at home and ill be writing what i think during it

im not gonna be talking ab stuff i already said in my other post lol

the FIRST SCENE is already fucking visceral dude. like they dont show any gore or anything but damn the fucking. aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA ITS GOOD its so good. also the previous security guard does exactly the same thing mike does later own to try to escape the freddy mask but mike succeeds and he doesnt, which is kinda like how in game phone guy (previous security guard) goes through the same process we do but we/mike survives and he doesnt. cool!!

THE INTRO WITH THE MINIGAME STYLE... DUDE. DUDE. I LOVE THIS MOVIE ITS A LOVE LETTER FOR THE FANS FR I WAS SO HYPE WITH EXCITEMENT I ALMOST STARTED CRYING IN THE THEATER. ALSO ITS JUST FUCKING COOL LOOKING

the rainbow!!!!! in the coffee shop scene!!! its the fnaf world rainbow!!

see the movie has the scene where william reads the name michael schmidt and pauses and long time fans will prob be like aha is that william realizing this is his son. but no thats where it tricks you bc hes actually just realizing this is a relative of that kid he kidnapped a while ago. which like obviously cuz why would william realize this guys his son by reading his, fake name?? but confirmation bias or smth

I WAS SO SHOCKED BY SEEING MATPAT THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED THAT I DIDNT CATCH HIM SAYING "THATS JUST A THEORY". OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE

🎶It's getting lonely, it's getting hard to breathe

The arcade's empty, I think it's Christmas Eve

Someone's broken in, now they're painting on my skin

Breaking me and taking my quarters

Bashing in my face with a crowbar

Kicking me and pushing me over

Now they see my blood on their sneakers🎶

i am so jealous of the midnight motorist shirt its not even funny

my complain is that how did none of the animatronics have blood on them after brutally killing several ppl. come on!!!

me hearing the words "follow me" on a fnaf movie: holy shit is this a motherfucking fnaf reference?!?!?

oh my god that totally is the fucking fake dog animatronic

oh my god they dont actually swear in the og. she said "what in the heck" but portuguese translated that to what the fuck. incredible. amazing.

"i know what crazy looks like, mike. this isnt it" OH. OH

vanessas behavior was already pretty understandable without the extra context but knowing shes williams daughter makes it JUICY. ooo yeah baby gimme the trauma gimme the guilt

the scene with the animatronics and abby being besties felt a bit too ooc at first to me and ive heard that other people felt the same but as i think more about it it does kinda make sense. one of the main differences from the game is that in this the ghost kids' minds seem to be pretty intact? or like they can think theyre fully conscious etc so. i can see them wanting to do kid stuff. and i saw someone point out that they were actively trying to get abbys trust too so they could convince her to 'join them' (bc afton was somehow influencing them to be #evil) so, theres that. and either way it doesnt take away from the overall experience so who cares

the tv scenes were such a missed oportunity they couldve shown the immortal and the restless... i kept waiting for it :(

oh my god the airplane. i just realized she had garretts toy airplane bc william gave it to her after he killed him oh my god i feel sick

the ball pit wasnt even time travelling 0/10

i didnt watch the credits long enough in the theater to hear the COME FIND ME but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA dude

yeah so good. i fucking loved this

[phantom-bleu]

More sploon au thoughts

Latte and espresso r both ex octarians, they grew up together and climbed the ranks quickly together at young ages: espresso was a weapons tech and latte became an elite squad leader (of other cacaolings who also defect i think, carmy arrow crunchy chip etc)

Latte heard calamari inkantation and was the first one who wanted to defect, she asked espresso to join her who was absolutely against it initially but came around eventually cus he mostly didn’t want to be alone in octo valley without her (would not say this out loud) and started to doubt his loyalties as well seeing latte have this sudden clarity

They studied the inkling language incredibly hard and cuz they r really smart they both r almost fluent, just with some occasional trips in grammar or pronunciation (they teach other dark cacaolings later on to help them integrate into inkling society quicker :]) but this helps them also quickly climb the ranks of the inkling turf war scene too

Again espresso uses inkbrush and latte uses octobrush. Espresso hates the octobrush but cant deny that latte is really good with it considering he sees it as a stunted inkbrush. They dont actually play on the same team normally since 2 brushes usually ruins weapon comps but they r known friends and compare and share techniques often so they r seen as a dual threat. Very close friends besides their rivalry btwn the brushes (one sided on espressos part bc hes stubborn abt stupid things)

Madeleine is a little younger than them (i see essypoo and latte as 16-17 while madeleine is new to turf wars so like. 15) but has Always Dreamed of being a turf war legend. His aunties had him sent him to a sports private school to train him in competitive play (except its a private school so they literally dont teach you shit) so madeleine has all his fundamentals down and has team strategies memorised but no practical experience w actual talented opponents so He is not very good but really really thinks he is

His aunties also helped him form a competitive team by offering top players a fuckload of money if they join. Espresso took it because he was really strapped for cash As it turns out he cant budget his military grade weapon customisation hobby with turf war prize money. He asked latte really nicely to join as well but he DID ask every friend he had before her and they all laughed in his face

Luckily for madeleine espresso is his fcking hero and his celeb crush so this arrangement is great for him. He thinks they make a great team but espresso is very standoffish with him, Presumably because he doesnt know what a Great Player maddie is yet so he commits to spending all his time w espresso to prove himself (espresso does not like this)

Espresso and latte plan to move to splatsville bc the competitive scene is a lot newer there so getting high in the ranks will be easier for the mid team they are. Madeleine thinks this is great because he gets to SHARE an APARTMENT with espresso (and latte😠 but he can pretend she doesnt live there just fine)

Rye is a splatsville born and bred who i see as the oldest between them, like 19? Shes taking less shifts at grizzco bc w the influx of ppl moving into town theyre not so understaffed anymore so she wants to get into turf wars bc she never had the spare time before (nothing to do w her ex gf chili who is big in the comp scene who rye def doesnt want to one-up)

She joins the team cus she saw essypoo and latte asking ppl to join w no prior competitive experience needed (everyone from inkopolis recognised them and didnt want to join) so she thought itd be fun. Shes amazing w the dualies but doesnt have any sense of team coordination (freelance salmon run has that effect) so shes a wip for latte and espresso but they both have hope that she’ll get really good with some guidance

Rye and madeleine get along well :] she thinks hes endearing even if he’s overconfident and in way over his head at the same time. Hes also really funny for these reasons. She teases him a lot which he hatesssss but shes one of the few ppl who can stand him, whether shes taking him seriously or not doesnt really matter cus he has someone to hang out with after battles at least (and they actually bond over this and start to mesh better)

[joshuasabolboro]

On this day, I want to start by recalling my best memories which is me and my family enjoying and having a very amazing time on the beach and also splashing water everywhere.At night time I and my friends had played truth or dare and we'll sleep at nine we all said.

I wish to go back to that day over and over again.I also studied for what i think the next lessons on some subjects will be and I helped my mom with chores around the house which made my mom really happy and I was pretty happy for what I have done too and I also realized that my mom helps us and works hard just for us to have a good life and I loved her for that and the second is my dad because he also works hard like my mom but the difference is that my dad studies at night time because he us determined to work as an attorney or lawyer and those things are what I realized when I was having a sembreak.

And when you realize that they are gona that is when you will realize that you missed out on alot and you would want to go when they were still there or something else and I this when I was still at my sem-break. family is the most important thing or people in our lives and we must always not shoo them again they bring us love and no discomfort at times of needs and even if alot of people are close family will always get closer. Which is what I observed and understood while it was still sem-break and I love them all for that. I and friends also went to bambanti and the best one there is the viking, even tho I almost puked it was alot of fun.

My friends are one of the best people who entered my life and brung more joy to it and i thank them for that. Most family members of mine are older that is why i dont get the same vibe that i get from my friends or bestfriends and because of school I had a harder time trying to hangout with friends and family members.

My mom also baked a very delicious pie which i loved very much and praised her for it. We also went grocery shopping and we bought alot of yummy food and I remembered i had to comply so i did my ict and many more subjects.

The sem-break has thought me alot like by learning how to appreciate my family and never stoping to love them and that they would also do that too and during the sem-break i learned and played games with my bff's and by playing i mean like using time and theirs to explore different gaming platforms and i spent my time playing roblox with my friends.

And during that time i learned how to become more mature and although they always tell me to do chores but now i thank them for it because learned how to do things that before i couldnt even so i owe them that and at those times i saw my brother grew up more and i feel so proud as his big brother. And the fact that we went swimming was awesome and it was our tita's pool so we had it all to ourselves mostly loved the slide because although at first it is pretty scary but after you conquer it you eventually can notice that it is a very fun experience and i enjoyed it very much.

We also had mini picnic on our backyard and it was super fun, it also comes with marshmallows and a horror time which was super spooky and we slept in tents and i really think that it was such a brand new experience and i really loved it.

And my answer to why this is important bis because we need to spend time with our family and what they do to us is needed and without them there would be only very few to support us with achieving our dreams and they help us get through hard times.

Family is most important in our life and this sem-break has thought me that this sem-break teached me how to be more mature and understand what your parents have done in own point of view and it also showed me how fast time is because of seeing my brother grow up so fast is just one thing ive seen this sem-break and it also helped me get my mind off school for a little bit and this break made me breathe fresh air, also have fun.

[xjkhttp]

Personal experience with consent

I am doing this because I have a lot on my mind and can't let go of what happened.

I am a 17 years old female who looks 14, it is my last year of highschool and I am think I almost lost virginity to some form of sexual assaults. I would like to share my story so everyone can (still) know better than what I did. I was always a very serious person, considering my gender and how dangerous it is outside at night. But this guy that I'd name K changed my perspection of my doings and so I disobeyed my mom which I shouldn't have.

He is a year younger than me and in a different highschool. I first met him in highschool junior and lost sight of him after my departure for highschool. I saw him again in march when I recognized him in my bus it was probably around 6pm. I said hi and said it back and kept looking at his phone, he got kind of handsome really. When I got home that night i saw he added me on every social medias and came to talk to me 24/7 on insta. He proposed to go out drinking in our street once after gaining my friendship and trust. I agreed, I was the only girl and they were like 4 to 5 boys if I remember but we all know each others. That night I got drunk slept againgst a wall and when it was time to get home my mom took her medicine which helped her sleep and locked me out of the house by accident. That was us drinking for the first time together, I dont really enjoy drinking but since it is trendy among people of our age I thought it would be great to go out a bit and have a social life tho I did not know what was coming.

I finally succeded going home around 7am, mom said she was sorry, she hoped everything had gone well I told her "yeah dw" that was the truth but then i got notification from k again he said "that night was amazing and we should do it again but just the 2 of us and you should pay for the bottle this time since I payed for that night. I agreed sensing nothing but a friendly invitation. On a saturday at 8pm we met again (probably 1 week and a half after the first time i drank out). I dont last long with alchool unlike him and he knows that but we were 2 with a big bottle of rhum i drank 3 glasses with juice mixed in it and i slept against some wall to sober up I was slightly buzzed but it kept getting worse and from there I forgot a lot of the things that happened, really.

Somehow after talking closely to each other he ended up kissing me like my soul was wanted. Honestly the best kissing ever, I was a little attracted to him but I never had this in mind whenever I met him. I'm kind of stuck up and shy I would never iniciate something like this and people know my reputation for never making a move. I remember him saying he got candoms at home which was kinda close to our current location. I never agreed to go, I just aknowledge what he said I could not walk properly so he packed up my bag and brought me to his house in his room ON HIS OWN and i was not even conscient of that. I gained my consiousness back when I woke up on his bed he was putting on red leds💀. He came back kissing me and my head was spiralling I could not see straight but I was not against some kissing i liked it. But then he undressed me while I was laying and I was very slow about what was happening. Then, he tried to rub me through my panties and pushed it aside, i had not realised at that time that he already was wearing the condom and was streaped down like me. He tried to put it in and i thank god for making me this tight cuz it really hurted and he knew it but tried a second time just to fail. I wasnt aroused anymore and could not voice it out. Then without again asking for permission he got to my lower body under the sheets, pushed it aside once again and literaly began to lick my clitoris. It was euphoric and it felt really good. But once sobered up I did not think of it like that. After that he kept touching me but I was totally knocked out and I dont know what happened from there . He woke me up at 7am and told me I should completely get going if I dont want to be caught. I dressed myself up and whent ooutsde with him. He tried to kiss me goodbye but I wasnt in for that now that i sobered a little. I got home to my mother very angry saying she didnt recognize me anymore because- my neck was completely purple. The bastard sucked my soul out, i dont know when. I was grounded and told to put vinegar on it to erase it the best i could. It didnt go off for at least a week and a half. Then she told me to go to sleep if i did not want a whooping. When i woke up I went to take a shower and my body reveal was like opening a kinder surprise. My hips, right part of my chest and right leftcheek was printed blue too. I did not know what to think. At first, i thought, "well highschool experience yk". But after talking about it with a close friend she told me it was not okay he did not ask me for permission and i was drunk and that basically that made him a duchebag.

I was delulu over that because of that attraction i felt for him but after thinking it trough, days later i realised it was not okay. He stopped hitting me up as if he got what he wanted I felt used and disgusted though he did not penetrate me. And i'd like all genders to be careful in any situation called "friendly" when alchool is involved. I genuinely need to do a lot of stuff to get over that. I will give my consent when sober thats for sure and I hope naive people like me will too. Im sorry toward victims of SA and such its horrible. Please educate people around you about consent and be careful.

[ne-cropolis]

Long ramble about dog grooming because i got very flustered at work, am still freaking out about it, and need to vent it 🙃

I got a massive tip today from a client with a dobie puppy and im so worried these people didnt actually mean to do it . This puppy came in for his first ever grooming session and he had some kind of dry skin issue that only really showed up after he was brushed. I didnt blow dry him since it was his first experience, and thats usually when i see the extent of most skin issues since the force dryer reveals everything hidden by fur, not to mention itll blow away a majority of skin flakes if the dog has bad dandruff (which this puppy had, i also didnt get to check him in so i didnt get to ask details about him) Im frustrated i didnt get to be as educational as i could have been for his owners. I got so scattered and couldnt get the words out about some solutions they could try alongside talking to their vet, and i would have had them come back for a special bath in a shampoo that specifically helps dry/generally problematic skin to rule out a reaction to the soap i used (which was hypoallergenic and should not cause a reaction, but maybe???) but i completely forgot everything.

I got super flustured because there was a miscommunication about the tip (we dont check people out, the cashiers on the retail floor do it) and they almost gave me $260, which is, absolutely not what they intended. I talked to the cashiers and they went to take care of it with one of the parents while i was with the other one trying to see if i could do anything more for him by trying to blow his coat a little (which, i couldnt actually do because i had to use the lowest setting without a nozzel so it didnt scare the shit out of him, and even that was pushing it close to his threshold) Ultimately, theres not a lot i can do for dry skin without being able to deep scrub, condition, and force dry their coats fully, which is nearly impossible for a puppys first groom without traumatizing them. I got him back to his parents and they seemed happy about everything, im just still upset i couldnt do better for the particular situation, especially because the people were amazing. Just them bringing their doberman puppy in to be groomed makes me love them and want to do everything possible to make it a good experience for them and the pup, but i feel like that didnt happen and im so confused why they still left a massive tip, and if they actually meant to do it.

Most of it is that im super flustered by them still giving me $100 tip, which has never happened in my 4 years of grooming working on massive, hairy, stubborn dogs; the biggest ive ever gotten was $40 from a lady who i was already undercharging for the work her akita was.

I just hope they bring him in again so i can talk to them more thoroughly and maybe help his skin more now that hes been introduced to everything and i could maybe do a better job. Im still really bothered by it because what if they didnt intend to leave that much money and it becomes an issue for them? They already did get it fixed from 260 to 100, and the cashier promised me he asked them for confirmation several times but like...asdfkjshbfkchsbsjfksbfkf im happy to take huge tips but i worry for my clients financial situations and if i dont feel like i did a good job taking a tip makes me feel ashamed, so im still freaking out about how everything went down.

Thank you and sorry to anyone who read this lol, i really just needed to type it out so i could stop losing my mind thinking about it.

Edit: im also wondering after the fact if the laundry detergent the salon uses caused a reaction, its not the usual scentless, hypo soap so that very well could have caused it when drying him with the towel, but i dont know 😩

[trans-mink]

Heres that post I said I'd make of my concert experiences in 2022 and my issues with access as a person with hypermobility.

Bare in mind I'd only ever been to 2 pre covid and I managed to get to 4 this year :D. I am still getting used to what works for me in terms of managing my disability in different contexts.

Queen

My first one of 2022 was queen and adam lambert. It was so good, those old men can move, their vocals are still in great nick especially Brian's. The visuals were great too, a lot of lights and imagery from their different eras. Adam on a spinning motorbike for Bicycle, hell yeah. Was hoping they'd perform Innuendo which is my fav queen song but they did not, they did do The show must go on however which is almost as good. Cried a lot at These are the days of our lives.

Can't say much in terms of access cos I was standing (bad decision bcs i hurt like hell afterward but i got that ticket off someone else so)

Carpenter Brut

Honestly wish I'd enjoyed it more but there were several things working against me there. Its the kind of music I listen to while doing other stuff cos its mostly instrumental so sitting and bobbing along kinda didnt cut it for me personally. I think id have had a better experience if I was able to stand up and dance as well as having the option to sit but we werent allowed to do that rip. No way I could have gone in the pit bcs by this point my mobility issues had worsened. That and I was worrying about my nova twins concert the following week bcs my doctor was refusing to provide a disability note for me :^).

In terms of access for that, I did have to go up stairs cos the building doesnt have lifts (listed venues baybeee). Thankfully i dont have trouble with stairs but a lot of people do so :/. The seats were not comfortable at all and my back hurt after 😭

Nova Twins

As previously mentioned I saw Nova Twins the week after and was given a disabled seat despite my doctor being a cunt about it. Very glad I did, the view was good and I was able to stand up/ dance when I needed to (if i sit for too long my hips lock). Got to see the hosts of We wear black pod there so that was great, got their signatures and they said i was pretty :'). The acts themselves went hard, most energetic concert I've been to bar janelle monae it was so much fun. Hurt my arms headbanging off the railing bcs of course I did. Wish they'd done Devil's Face but we move.

Again, this building is listed and has no lift and im unsure if it has ramps. The complain in terms of my own access is that the disabled seats were just benches and when I asked for a seat with a back I was told there were none (fantastic for those of us with back problems, my ass had to get on the floor and stretch out bc of them shitty seats and in the end it was comfier to stand and move around). Chased it up with a complaint email and was told they do keep chairs with back support but this clearly wasnt communicated to the security team. That or the guy I asked just couldnt be bothered which....

First Aid Kit

First concert I'd been to completely alone and I'm super happy I'm at a point where I can do things more independantly. Their Support Lola Kirke was good, amazed that this woman was able to jump around and play guitar with her nipples only covered by stars, if I did that I'd hit myself in the face.

First aid kit themselves were so fucking good, I went in without having listened to the new album (got a signed copy while i was there tho hehe), it was a good gamble cos I cried the instant they walked out on that stage and performed Palomino. Visuals were my second fav after Queen's, they had shots of horses, fields, ocean, stuff like that it was super pretty. Cried at Lion's roar and some other songs, think thats the most ive cried at a gig so far. Enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would holy shit. That bitch was packed to the rafters and everyone lost their shit it was so fucking loud!!!

I had a seat in circle with a pretty good view considering I was kinda late into getting tickets cos i had no idea they were touring until about a month ago jkdbfvjhbhjb. This time the seats didnt make my back hurt which is a plus :D.

Final thoughts

I'm happy that I got to see everyone I did this year bcs it helps me work out what I like and dont like and what works for me. I wish venues would not make people prove theyre disabled just to get a fucking seat (particularly if its an a standing venue!!!) and doctors stop restricting access to shit we clearly need like I wouldnt bother asking if it wasn't essential :^). Your accessible seating is not accessible if it doesn't provide basic support lol!!!!

[sgrdoll]

Tranquility - Chapter 3

Prologue  Chapter 1  Chapter 2 

warnings - murder, death, drugs, mafia/gang talk, extremely detailed scenes of torture and death, dark!reader, dark!steve, dom/sub undertones, dom!steve, sub!reader, brat!reader, knives, guns, other weapons, EXTREME GORE

THIS IS A DARK FIC. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. THIS IS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC PLEASE TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST

18+

it took me forever to write this and i dont even think i am in love with it. forgive me if its not amazing! enjoy dolls

wc: 2.7k

After Charlie’s nap they headed out into Brooklyn. Steve didn’t drive, instead a boy named Peter did. Peter was small and seemed nice enough. He had short dark hair and seemed nervous in Steve’s presence. They weren’t in the Volvo like they were yesterday. Instead they drove in a black SUV with extremely tinted windows. The backseat was incredibly roomy and provided enough space for Charlie to put her feet in the leather seats comfortably.

The small dark headed boy drove them silently without an attempt to make conversation, which Charlie appreciated. She was still reeling from her 4 a.m. excursion this morning. Steve was also quiet but seemed to be texting someone on his phone. He was always busy doing something. 

Peter dropped them off on a busy street and Steve told Charlie to hold onto him throughout the crowd. Steve was scared he would lose Charlie in the wildness of New York. He had been around the city for a while so he was a pro at maneuvering through the hoards of people that crowded the streets. Charlie, however, had never been in the city before so this was a completely new experience for her. She looked at the tall buildings in awe and stared at the cast of characters that walked by her. Everyone seemed to be doing something interesting. 

Charlie followed Steve into a store that she couldn’t remember the name off the top of her head but it was filled with all sorts of clothing items in every style imaginable. The inside of the store was black brick and very trendy looking.

Charlie gravitated towards the back of the store that held jeans. She never really wore pants but wanted to try them on. She picked up a couple of pairs that were her size and headed to the changing room. 

Charlie thought they were cute, but wanted to stick to her typical style. Jeans proved to be rather uncomfortable in her opinion. She took her time trying on every piece of clothing that tickled her fancy. Charlie was having a blast picking out different items to try on, even if she knew she didn’t want to take them home.

She grabbed anything she wanted to buy and took it up to Steve to hold while she went back to pick more out. Charlie eventually finished and grabbed Steve’s hand to lead him to the checkout area. Charlie didn’t pay attention while the saleslady rang up the mountain of clothes that was placed on the counter. She wandered around the little trinkets that sat as a display. Steve took out his card and paid while keeping an eye on Charlie and making sure she didn’t stray too far.

“Next store!” She announced giddily at Steve while they walked out together.

He laughed and smiled, “Remember to hold my hand on the street, okay?” 

Charlie rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand. They dropped the bags off with Peter and he put them in the trunk while Steve and Charlie kept trekking toward the next store. 

The pair walked into the boutique directly to the right of the one they were previously in. Steve dropped her hand and let her roam the new environment. She looked like a kid in a candy store and he thought it was precious. It was likely Charlie didn’t get very many new things when she lived at home which made this a novel experience for her. 

Charlie quickly ran through this store and picked up an assortment of shoes, skirts, sweatshirts, and accessories. It took less time than the previous since she had already gotten the majority of her new wardrobe. 

Meanwhile, Steve sat in one of the plush chairs that was placed in front of the dressing room curtains and watched her frolic around the store.

 “I think we have enough for today,” Steve commented once they finished in the checkout line. 

Charlie almost pouted but decided to let it go considering his generosity towards her today.  

“Can we get a coffee?” She asked him with those big wide eyes of hers.

“Of course. I could use one too. I think there’s a place around the corner.” 

Charlie smiled, she couldn’t remember a day where she had so much fun. Steve was being so exceptionally kind to her. Charlie felt almost indebted to him, despite the reason he was doing this for her was as a reward for killing a man for him.

Instead of grabbing his hand as they walked down the street, Charlie grabbed a fistful of his black jacket. Steve looked down at her and smiled and she looked up and returned the gesture. 

Steve opened the door for her and a little bell chimed when they walked into the store. The coffee shop was a welcome change from the chaos of the streets outside. It was quiet, apart from the whir of the milk frother and grinding of the espresso machine. 

“Iced black?” Steve asked her while the two walked up to the counter. 

Charlie nodded and he ordered for the both of them. It turned out that they both took their coffee the same way. 

They took a seat in one of the brown vinyl booths near the door when they got their coffees.  

“Are you having a good time?” Charlie nodded her head enthusiastically while taking a sip of her coffee, “This is probably the best day of my life!”

Steve loved the excitement in her voice. He wanted to hear her voice filled with happiness for the rest of his life. 

“I was talking to Nat before we left and she said you might enjoy getting your nails done,” Steve suggested. 

“I’ve never had my nails done before. I don’t know what it’s like.” 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Nat said you might enjoy it though. You can get cute little designs on them,” he tried to convince her. 

Steve wanted to give her a day to remember. He wanted her to look back on this day and see it as wonderful, despite what she had to do this morning. Maybe spoiling her would make her forget about the murder he asked her to commit for him. 

“Maybe I could try. Can I look up some designs on your phone?” 

“I keep forgetting you don’t have your own phone. We need to deal with that today as well,” Steve said while fishing his phone out of his pocket and passing it to her across the table. 

Charlie looked up cute nail designs on his safari app while Steve watched on. She decided on black french tips. She was a little scared to be any more adventurous than that. 

“Natasha also told me where we should go to get them done. We already have an appointment,” Steve said when she was finished choosing her nail art. 

Charlie didn’t even bother questioning how he got an appointment that fast so she just smiled and took her coffee with her as they walked out of the calm of the coffee shop and back out into the wilderness. 

The nail salon wasn’t on the same street as the clothing stores and coffee shop so Peter had to come pick them up. Peter took them about ten minutes away from where they previously were. 

Steve barked orders to Peter that Charlie didn’t pay much attention to what he was saying and focused on playing with Steve’s large fingers. She found it relaxing in the midst of the chaos. 

Peter dropped them off and they walked down the street to the nail salon Natasha told Steve about. The words Luna Nail Lounge were in pretty script on the front of the building. Steve and Charlie walked in and the nail techs immediately took the two to the private room in the back. The room was quiet and had a massage chair for both Steve and Charlie. There were fairy lights hanging in the room as well as small pieces of art on the walls. 

Steve showed the nail tech what Charlie wanted and they got started. There was one nail artist assigned to each of Charlie’s hands so the process would go by a lot faster. “Acrylic?” The nail tech asked Charlie while filing her nails. “Yes, please,” she answered politely. 

Steve made small talk with Charlie about what she wanted to do with her room while the nail artists continued their work. 

“I think a gray and pink theme would be cute,” Charlie answered while leaning back in the massage chair provided for her. 

“It would match the house too,” Steve replied, “Maybe we could even add a desk for you to take up hobbies or something.”

Charlie laughed, “I don’t do very much. I like animals and reading and that’s all I think.”

“Well, we can get you a bookshelf and a big cat tower for the cat I promised you.” 

Charlie beamed, “I’m so excited! Are we doing that today?” 

“If you’re still up to it we can. I picked out a shelter we can go to when you finish up here.” 

“Thank you so much. Everything today has been amazing. Will there be a reward after everything I do for you?” Charlie asked Steve innocently.

Steve laughed heartily at the stunned expressions on the nail artists’ faces. They likely thought she was his sugar baby, when in reality she was his tiny hitman. 

“We need to talk about our little deal when we get home,” Steve told her. 

Charlie’s face deflated and her heart stopped beating for a second. This was it for her in her mind. He was done and didn’t need her help. She was going to have to go to the home her dead father’s body was in. Charlie was not going to allow that to happen under any circumstances.

Charlie vowed that she would prove herself to him. She refused to let Steve leave her behind, not after she had lived in the luxury he provided. Even if she had only lived it for one day, she could not go back to the home she grew up in. She would be the most obedient, kind, perfect, angel for him from now on. 

Steve saw the expression on her face and his eyes widened, “Woah, woah. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” 

Charlie’s response was stony and didn’t give away much. 

“I’m not upset with you, if that’s what you’re thinking. You’ve been perfect this whole time. We’ll talk in the car.” 

After he said that, it was silent. No one spoke and Charlie’s chest filled with anxiety while the nail techs finished her acrylics. 

They put on the nail oil and told her to wash her hands. Charlie did as they asked and then walked back into the front of the salon. 

Steve paid quickly and they went to the car that was waiting for them outside. Steve sighed, “I am not mad at you at all. All I want to talk about is our arrangement.” “What about it?” Charlie questioned while playing with her new acrylics. 

“I just want you to know that you don’t have to do it. I don’t want you to feel forced into doing that stuff. I thought it would be easier at first but now I feel terrible I put you through that,” Steve said with sincerity laced in his voice. 

“Why? It didn’t really upset me. I didn’t feel anything when I hurt Alex,” Charlie spoke with her head tilted innocently. 

“Maybe not. But I don’t want you to do that stuff or see that stuff. One time was enough. I can’t make you do that again.” Tears blurred Charlie’s vision, “Please don’t make me go back,” her voice cracked. 

Steve’s heart broke, “Charlie, I am not going to make you go back there. You are staying with me. We can find something else for you to do. I like having you around, you’re nice company.” She wiped her tears away, “Please don’t get rid of me, Stevie.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Charlie still felt like her heart was in her throat on the drive to the shelter. Her hands were shaking and her anxiety was through the roof. Steve paused before they got out of the car, “I am never ever letting you go, I promise. Let’s go look at the cute cats and calm down a bit, yeah?” 

Charlie nodded and they walked inside. The weight in her chest slowly dissipated while they started to look at all of the cats ready for adoption. 

She pointed at basically every cat they went by and Steve silently prayed he didn’t have to get all seventy cats to appease her, knowing damn well he would do it in a heartbeat. 

Charlie stopped several times to coo at the kittens that were out. Steve couldn’t deny how adorable they were. 

Steve told the shelter staff they didn’t need any help while Charlie picked up one of the tiny kittens from a box. 

“She’s so cute, Stevie. I love her,” she declared. 

“I think she’s too young to take home right now,” he said.

Charlie sat her down gently and continued roaming around the shelter in search of the perfect cat. She finally stopped and gasped. 

“She’s so fluffy!”

The cat she was pointing to was a long-haired black elderly cat. The tag on the front of the cat’s cage said she was around seven years old. Her name was also on the tag, Ruby, it read. 

“Excuse me,” Steve called to the shelter staff, “Can we see this one?” 

Someone from the staff scurried towards them and opened Ruby’s cage up. Ruby opened her eyes and looked at Charlie and Steve. 

Charlie stuck her hand out for Ruby to smell. The black cat smelled her hand and rubbed her pink nose against it. Charlie started scratching behind her ears and she purred loudly. Ruby stood up from her sitting position and pressed against Charlie’s hand, as if asking for more pets. Charlie happily obliged while Steve watched the pair. 

Charlie continued doting on the cat and Steve disappeared to go speak with a worker about adopting Ruby. 

“Ruby is our oldest cat here. I am so glad to see her getting adopted,” one of the staff members commented while helping Steve fill out the papers. 

Steve was already prepared for a cat to be in the home. He had ordered Peter to pick up several cat towers and various litter boxes to be placed around the house. Steve wanted Charlie to pick out the cat's toys and collar from the pet store down the street. 

Steve walked back over to Charlie, “Are you ready to take her home?”

“You adopted her already?” She asked happily. 

Steve nodded and a worker came behind him to put her in a pink carrier for a safe trip home. 

“I think a collar and toys can wait until tomorrow. Ruby should get acclimated to the house and I don’t want to stress her out by making her stay in the car for any longer than she has too,” Steve said. 

Charlie agreed and they walked out with Ruby in her carrier. Charlie was so excited to finally have a cat. She wanted to give Ruby the best life she could possibly have.

In the car, the ball of fluff slept through most of the ride with only a few little meows. She proved to be a very good car passenger. She only got a little fussy when the car had to stop and start to accommodate the gate opening. 

Charlie was excited for Ruby to explore the big house. She was sure she would love all of the space there. 

When they walked through the doors of the house Charlie gently sat Ruby’s carrier on the couch in the living room and slowly unzipped it. Ruby stayed in the carrier for a moment but sniffed the air curiously. She didn’t seem to be scared of her new home. The cat slowly stepped out and hopped down onto the rug beneath her. 

Steve and Charlie both watched her walk around and sniff everything. They both seemed to be amazed by the sweet creature’s presence. 

While watching the cat Charlie turned to Steve, “Thank you for today. I mean it. I think this was the best day of my life. You have shown me so much kindness.” 

Steve’s heart melted, “I loved seeing you so happy today. I also already love Miss Ruby.” 

Charlie giggled and leaned her head on his shoulder, “I do too.”

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Cowboy Jen, i adore your blog and appreciate your thoughtful answers.

Im a young adult lesbian and recently went through a break up. It was my first love, we were together for a long time and lived together. Although I know it was for the best, and im so much happier and healthier in lots of ways, there is a lot of very bad and weird feelings and i cant stop thinking of her. I cant stop thinking of the potential relationship of what could have been, and what we both deserved from each other. And thinking about how i could now give it to her if 1.) she understood and wasnt so angry and mad and 2.) she tried to heal and change her unhealthy behaviors. I know these r not likely.

I guess what I am looking for is reassurance that this will pass. My life is wonderful but the loss is so profound. i cant imagine going through life with just more losses like this piling up.

I would love some validation that it is okay that i am still thinking of her, its only been a few months but i want time to grieve, while society tells me to move on. I feel guilty and weak for still caring, but at the same time it only feels right to grieve such a significant relationship that took up a big part of your heart and soul.

Again i reaallly appreciate that you give such care on here, like many young lesbians i dont have older women in my life to tell me that they have been through what i have and offer recognition and advice. I hope you have a wonderful week

Something my older lesbians friends have been fabulous about is showing me that things pass, love, hard times, friendships and pain. When something is fresh and feels over whelming, especially when it is the first time or you were completely unprepared to deal with it feels like a weight so heavy you want to crumble under it and you don't see a way out.

I offer you comfort as an older lesbian, that it all passes and life will get better. There is no time limit and it is okay to grieve but it is really important that you take control of that time. Don't let it become such a place of comfort that you let the sadness set the plan for your future.

I can tell you from experience that loss of love, even when you know with every fiber it was time for it to be over, is scary, hard, and makes you rethink every word, action and even your self worth. The “what ifs” can take over in your head and your heart. 

It is very important to give yourself and her space and time. Don’t force “let’s be freinds” or even seek further closure or answers. There might not be any answers and there might never be. Closure is something you give yourself. You know in your logical brain it was right and the breakup is a firm end. You can move on and do for you without question. 

My first girlfriend and I were together 7 years. I loved her and she loved me but we were not each others end all be all of love. We were a good fit for the time. Young, energetic in sex, activism and even in building a future. The future was just shorter than we could know. When she asked to break up because she had met someone else she wanted to explore time with I was grateful she did not betray me and was honest. After a wave of anger and fear I realized I was not as heart broken as I thought i would, or should be. 

We had spend the better part of our 20′s together and had a wonderful time but with the 30′s approaching we both had different goals and we had changed. At first we tried to be friends mostly because we shared dozens of mutual friends. Eventually we gave each other space, not making friends chose but bowing out here and there when the other was present at gatherings. Over the years we healed, and now, we work together and I love her and her friendship is amazing. And I know we are both thankful almost daily we didn’t stay together. Her wife is amazing and my life is wild and fulfilling. 

I have stayed in relationships too long, I have had a sort of odd love, FWB, fling, I have loved more deeply and strongly than I ever thought I could just since I hit 50. (I am 54). The ending of each relationship, good, bad, romantic or friendship is the first step into exploring something that could be better, stronger or just different. Life in love is a series of finding out what makes you happy and feel loved. Some people find it in the first, other take some trial and error. 

I promise, you will move on from this pain. Gain space and perspective with time as you move forward. It is okay to hurt and miss her and the good things. Just let that become a part of your learning not how you define your future relationship. 

Big Elder Lesbian hugs from me. You will be okay.