#mc (inside her mind): my god. these bitches gay.

[h-doodles]

truly not sorry but once again thinking abt miranda/mc/mia in RL. i need them SO bad. like, 2 of the most morally unsound persons (Mia & Miranda) + their little meow meow. Knowing both are so possessive and destructive (TO OTHERS) when they love and instead of running, fully embracing the chaos of it. Loving them despite their delusions of grandeur, the crimes, the secrets, and the deaths (+ undeaths) caused (or ordered!) by their hands. Acknowledging this is fucked up but you can't help it. Lovingly bitching abt their fights but fully done and gone to do anything else but to soothe and continue loving them, because after all those years of waiting and doing and redoing everything to be perfect was worth it for this.

also did i mention being their little meow meow. sorry Miranda, MC was the original gremlin in the relationship and Mia being the fucked up feral racoon she is now is not solely by her doing, MC was and IS the enabler in both relationships that it bled over sm and OUGHJJJJJHHHHhhhh im being so emo abt three (3) women being utter menaces frfr

[todorokiaimee]

Dopamine Chapter 5

Previous Chapter

“Hey, Sero! Thanks for hosting tonight,” Kirishima said as he pulled an ice-cold beer out of the fridge. “It’s been a long time since we had a guys night.”

Sero nodded as he looked over the Uno cards in his hand. “No problem dude. I’m always happy to pull you away from your old ball and chain.”

“Well, Marina and I are still a while off from the wedding.” Kirishima chuckled as he rejoined the game, the guys all gathered around Sero’s kitchen table.

 “Fuck, don’t get him talking about Fish Sticks,” Bakugou grumbled.  “He’ll never shut up.” Kirishima’s fiancé Marina had always rubbed Bakugou the wrong way but even he couldn’t deny the fact that they were made for each other. That fact aside, he still refused to call her by name. 

 “Speaking of little ladies…” The redhead smirked, before playing his card down on the pile. “Bakugou! Would you be so kind as to give us an update on your mystery woman?”

It had been a few days since Bakugou and Jada’s date.  The blonde couldn’t deny the chemistry between them, but he was resigned to keep things casual for now. Love and hero work just didn’t mix. It’s only a distraction and gives your enemies something to use against you. Even so, he couldn’t get the dark-skinned beauty out of his mind ever since he first laid his eyes on her.

“Mystery woman?” Kaminari questioned as he played a draw 2 card. “The one he ditched us for on Mina’s birthday?”

“The one and the same,” Kirishima smirked, turning toward his friend. “Spill dude.” 

Bakugou scoffed, playing his turn. “I don’t kiss and tell boys.”

 “Boo you whore!” Kaminari laughed. 

“We need to know more about the chick that effectively pulled you out of the booty call business.” Sero pushed as he took a drink of his beer.

 I’m pretty sure I’m her booty call. But not for long. “I don’t owe you guys shit.”

“Can we get a name a least?”

“It’s Jada!” Kirishima confessed with a toothy grin.

 “Jada!” Kaminari cooed. “First name basis already?! Things are getting serious!”

Bakugou only shrugged, drinking his beer. “She’s American so... not really.”

 “Oh American!” Sero quirked a brow, laying down his card. “Taking a page out of Todoroki’s book, huh?” He smirked, sure he’d get a rise out his friend.

“I’m nothing like fucking Half n Half!” The ash-blonde barked.

“You don’t know what you’re missing with these American girls, Sero.” Kirishima smiled, laying down a wild card.  “They’re so bold. Jada certainly isn’t letting Bakugou off easy. Oh, and I pick Blue.” 

“Ooof I love it when they play hard to get,” The electric hero groaned, biting his lip. “Only makes me want them more.”

“We know.” The rest of the gang deadpanned. 

Sero shook his head as Kaminari played a reverse card. “You went after Jiro for a solid 3 years before you got wise.”

“Oh, Jiro…,” Denki sighed lovingly. “The one that got away. I really thought we had an unspoken thing.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes with a grunt. “She was fucking gay you twat!” 

“Well, I know that now! Also, can we talk about how hot she and YaoMomo are together? I mean damn.”

 “I thought we were grilling Bakugou?” Kirishima interjected, playing a draw 4 card.

“Yeah,” Sero agreed, picking up his cards before playing his turn. “You’re not off the hook yet. Tell us!” 

“Fuckin weirdos.” Bakugou hummed, leaning back in his chair. He never liked to talk about his exploits but he took pity on the guys. He was the only one of them actually dating besides Kirishima and his almost married stories were just a mushy love fest. “You know I only like the best so…” He smirked, looking around the room as his friends waited in anticipation. “She has this crazy body… like stacked. Legs for days. Piercings. Green eyes and smooth dark skin…” 

“American and Black?” Kaminiari interrupted. “I sense a pattern here.” Sero shushed him, urging Bakugou to continue.

“She’s smart too. She fixed my gauntlet with just tools in her purse,” He chuckled, remembering her tinkering on his gauntlet with ease. “She’s unpredictable. Whenever I think she’s gonna go right, she goes left. It drives me fucking crazy but there’s something about her.” He paused, stroking the stubble of his beard as he mumbled. “She’s just different.” 

The room fell silent as they looked at their explosive friend in awe until Kirishima finally said what they all were thinking. “Dude. You’re gushing. Like actually gushing about a girl.” He paused as a huge grin pulled at his lips. “You’re catching feelings!”

“The fuck I am!”

“Yes, you are! Ask me how I know.”

“I swear to God if you bring up Marina again I will--”

“You just called her Marina!” Kirishima laughed as his friend let loose a small explosion in his hardened face. 

“Don’t be shy, dude,” Sero teased.  “It’s about time actually. We were getting worried about you.”

“Shut up!” Bakugou grumbled. “Let’s get back to the game.”

“Okay, let’s hurry this up because I’m ready to move onto phase two of the night,” Kaminari said as he played another reverse card. 

“What’s phase two?” The redhead asked as he played a reverse card back to Kaminari.

“It’s a surprise!”

“I’m probably gonna hate it but fine.” Bakugou huffed.

“Uno!” The electric hero cheered as he played yet another reverse card.

“Fuck!” Bakugou yelled as he looked over to his guilty-looking redheaded friend. “Shitty hair if you play another reverse I’m going to reverse your existence.”

“I’m sorry! That’s all I can play!” He grimaced as he laid down the card.

“And a wild card for the win!” Kaminari boasted, laying down his last card. “Fork it over bitches!”

The men all groaned as they took out their wallets, each tossing 10k yen onto the table. “Why were we playing and betting on fucking Uno anyway?” Bakugou mumbled.

“Because Denki doesn’t know how to play poker.” Sero huffed.

Kirishima chuckled. “Well, it worked out fine for him I guess…”

“Okay, it’s time for phase two!” Kaminari said as he pocketed the money. “We’re going to the strip club! I’m gonna take your money and make it rain!“

__________________________________________________________________________

Filing out of the uberX, the boys made their way to a seemingly everyday luxury building, Denki talking over his shoulder, “Guys you are going to love this place. It’s called The Secret Garden. Super classy and discrete.”

Sero laughed as he pulled out his ID, walking up to the bouncer at the door. “Dude all I need to know is are the girls hot?”

“Well duh.” The electric hero chuckled. “My girl Tiffany can throw it back.”

 “I should probably call Marina and tell her the change of plans,” Kirishima mumbled apologetically as he took out his cell phone.

“Heh. Pussy.” Bakugou jeered as his friend stepped away to call his fiancé. 

It was then that Kaminari looked amongst his friends as they all took turns showing their IDs. “Everybody’s got cash money, right? The ladies do not take cards. I found that out the hard way.” With an affirmation from the rest of the crew, Kirishima returned to the group, pocketing his cell phone. 

“What did Fish Sticks say?” Bakugou asked the redhead with a smug smirk. “Do you have to go crawling back home with your dick between your legs?”

“She’s cool,” he shrugged. “She said I could browse the menu as long as I don’t order anything.” 

“No lap dances for you then.” Sero laughed.

 “That’s cool,” Denki said with a bright smile, leading everyone inside. “The main stage is where the best girls dance anyway.”

As the men made their way up to the mainstage of the club, Bakugou took a moment to gauge his surroundings. There was mellow house music pumping through the speakers has men and even a few women sat around in comfy chairs as gorgeous scantily clad women danced sensually on top of them or just talked with them seemingly enjoying their company. Strip clubs always made Bakugou vaguely uncomfortable but he couldn’t put his finger on just why. Maybe it was just the very public nature of traditionally intimate activities. It didn’t matter anyway, there was no way he was going to be seen as the prude of the group. 

The group of friends all sat down around the edge of the main stage, each pulling out a healthy wad of cash to prepare for their first dance. Denki however, took it a step further as per usual. The hero pulled out a money gun, eagerly loading it up with his Uno winnings from earlier that night. As the others rolled their eyes at their eccentric friend, a petite pink-haired woman dressed in a frilly lace baby doll set walked up to the man with a sweet smile. “Mr. Kaminari welcome back! It’s been so long since you last came to play with us.” Sakura cooed as she batted her lashes. 

“Princess! Good to see you! I’m sorry it’s been a while. Duty calls.” Denki smirked as he flexed his biceps, not so subtly. “Tiffany should be performing on the main stage tonight, right?”

“Umm, how many times have you been here?” Kirishima whispered to his electric friend.

“Sorry hun,” Sakura apologized. “She called in sick tonight. But my girl Nubia is about to go on. She always puts on an amazing show.” 

“Nubia, huh?” Denki hummed as he scratched his chin. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of watching her dance. This should be fun!”

Bakugou sighed as he stood up from his seat. “I’m gonna go get a beer.” The man made his way back to the bar, the bartender taking his order as the lights on the mainstage went out, a woman crossing the floor. He hummed as he paid for his drink taking a sip as the MC’s voice rang through the speakers.

“Welcome back to the main stage our exotic beauty and tonight your faithful assistant, Nubia!”

As the lights lifted, Bakugou watched from the bar as the dancer stood on stage, her back to the audience. Dressed in tight office attire, she tossed random papers into the air as James Brown’s “It’s a Man’s World” played throughout the club. (https://youtu.be/ilMV5tu9bcQ)

And then she turned around. 

No. Fucking. Way. The explosive hero nearly choked on his beer as he stared. He knew those dark locs and green eyes anywhere. The woman on stage was in fact, Jada Jackson. 

He continued to watch from afar as she twirled around the pole to the music, slowly peeling off articles of clothing until she was left in a silver bra and thong set. He clenched his fists as he seethed watching her long legs wave in the air, her curves on full display. This can’t be happening. Bakugou willed himself to stay calm as his friends cheered her on, cursing under his breath as she finally rid herself of her metallic bra, leaving her chest bare to the world. It was then that Jada crawled across the stage floor, right up to his friends staring in awe. 

Jada smirked as she went up to the blonde who had been very enthusiastic, shooting yen bills onto the stage with his money gun. Kaminari practically drooled as his eyes flicked from her full breasts to her green eyes and back again, “Good God, where have you been all my life?”

“Waiting for you, sweetheart,” Jada breathed as she moved her body seductively, her eyes flicking to the large wad of cash in his hand. “Is that for me?”

“Uh-huh!”

“Then slide it in, baby.” She smirked as she stretched out the band of her thong. Denki eagerly slipped the stack of bills into the band as she let out a lewd moan followed by a delighted giggle. “I love a nice thick one.” 

Denki gulped, exploring all the possibilities in his mind. “Let me take you away from all this…” 

Next, Jada turned her gaze to Sero, a nervous smile plastered across his face. “Look at that smile. Aren’t you a cutie.”

“T-thank you, ma’am.” He stuttered as he put his cash tip into her thong band as well.

“So polite. Thank you, sir.” Jada gave him a wink before crawling over to her next target, Kirishima. She giggled to herself as she knelt on her knees before him, his eyes refusing to look anywhere below her neck. “Someone looks a little shy.”

“Heh yeah… maybe a bit.” He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck timidly. 

“Relax, honey. I don’t bite.” She purred as Kirishima laughed, showing off his pointy pearly whites. “Oh. But maybe you do.” Jada breathed as she came up with an idea. “I think I’d like these chompers right… here.” Just then, the ravenette grabbed his head, pulling his face into her large breasts, giving them a shimmy for added effect. 

THE FUCK?! Bakugou couldn’t believe his eyes. He silently seethed as he chugged his beer. Here was his girl, the woman he had invested so much time and energy on, and his friends are ogling her freely. His palms popped and sparked as he crushed his beer can in his fist as Jada finished her dance, collecting her clothes and tips before disappearing into the back. The hero stomped back up to the stage with his eyes filled with rage, Denki taking notice of his friend.

“Dude! You missed the whole dance! I think I just met my future wife.”

“Shut the fuck up Kaminari.” Bakugou practically spat, as he walked up to another dancer. “Oi! The girl that was just on stage. When is she coming back out?”

The woman looked him up and down before giving the hero a playful smirk. “You want a dance, baby? I’d be happy to help you out.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” He said dismissively. “When is Ja- Nubia coming back out?”

“I’ll go get her.”

The dancer turned on her heel with a sigh before walking backstage and into the dressing room. “Hey, Jada?” She looked around the small crowded area quickly finding the dark-skinned beauty amongst her fairer colleagues. 

“Yeah?” She asked as she fixed her makeup. 

“You got a request for a dance.”

“Really?” Jada mumbled, a smile pulling at her plump lips.  “Must be my lucky night. I got some great tippers stageside tonight. Was it the skinny blonde one with the black streak in his hair?”

“No it was a blonde but he had a spikey undercut�� super buff too.” The dancer hummed as she played with her hair. “Nasty attitude though so I would be careful. Should I tell Tanaka to keep an eye on him?”

“NO!” Jada yelled before quickly recovering, “Um I mean, I got it. I’ll be right out, just let me change into a new set.”

After quickly changing into a new navy bra and pantie set, Jada nervously made her way back onto the club floor, praying to whoever would listen. Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him. She held her breath as she looked around the room, a pair of ruby red eyes locking with hers instantly. Fuck it is him. Her heart dropped into her stomach as the ash-blonde walked up to her, practically steaming. “Hi handsome, you want a dance?”

“You’re just gonna act like everything’s fine? Really?” Bakugou fumed. “Were you ever gonna tell me?!”

“Okay! Sounds like you want a private dance! Follow me to the champagne room, sir.”

With a flip of her long dark locs, Jada led Bakugou out across the floor, his friends quickly taking notice. He ignored their cheers for what they thought would be a seductive dance at his request. Instead, their hoots and hollers only fueled his rage even more. Once inside the ultra-private champagne room, Jada was the first one to speak. “I can explain.”

“This should be rich, Dimples.”

 “This is only temporary.”

 “Temporary?” He scoffed as he crossed his muscular arms.

“Yes!” Even she knew she didn’t sound very convincing. 

Bakugou laughed, rolling his eyes. “I swear to God if you tell me you’re only doing this to pay for law school or some bullshit like that--”

“I’m doing this to pay for a number of things that I’m not at liberty to discuss with you. And frankly, I don’t owe you shit!”

 “Well, you’re so full of shit that you must have plenty to go around!”

Jada bit her lip as she let out a deep sigh. She really didn’t think she was going to have this conversation with him this soon if ever. “Look, I have to make a living, same as everybody else. When YOU go to the strip club someone has to dance for you. So obviously you were okay with that arrangement as long as your girl wasn’t on stage.”

“I didn’t want to fucking come! The point is you fucking lied to me!”

“I never lied to you.”

 “You didn’t tell me the whole truth!”

“You didn’t ask the right questions.”

 Bakugou groaned as he raked his hand through his hair, exasperated. “Fuck! I can’t believe you actually had me bragging to my boys about you. Me! Bakugou fucking Katsuki gushing over a woman.” The hero was so furious he was shaking. In fact, he was more than furious, he was embarrassed. “I sang your praises to my friends only for you to turn around and take your clothes off for them!” He laughed as he shook his head in disgust. “Oh, and you let my best friend motorboat you too. Can’t forget that.”

 The ravenette paused, taking a step back, turning her eyes away from his burning gaze. “I’m not going to apologize for doing my job. You and friends came here to be entertained and I delivered.”

 “I’m a Pro Hero for fucks sake!” Bakugou yelled, throwing his hands into the air. “I can’t date a stripper. Not knowing any extra off the street with a yen can see your goods.”

Jada paused, unsure of what to say. She wasn’t surprised by his reaction, but she didn’t expect the bite of his words to cut her so deep. I knew this was a bad idea. I knew you were a bad idea. “Well, let me rid you of that problem. You won’t be seeing me anymore.” She said coldly before holding her hand out to him. “That’s 55,000 yen for the dance.”

“What?!” He barked in confusion.

“The champagne room is super private and luxurious. No cameras so as to not hurt your precious image.” She hissed as her nose began to tingle. “It costs more and my boss is expecting a cut.” Don’t you fucking do it, Jada. You will not cry in front of him. “I know you’re good for it so let’s not drag this out.”

The blonde scoffed, digging into this pants pocket to pull out his wallet. “I can’t believe I have to pay for a fucking fight,” he mumbled, taking out a wad of cash.  “You didn’t even dance…”

“Yeah but like you said…” Jada said as she snatched the money from his hand. “Your boys enjoyed the show, didn’t they?”

To stop himself from completely losing his cool, Bakugou pushed past the woman and stomped back out onto the club floor. He sulked up to his group of friends, now watching a new dancer on stage. Kirishima was the first one to spot him, immediately noticing his abnormally hostile energy and his overly red face. 

“Whoa! Where’s the fire, bro?”

“We’re leaving!” Bakugou bellowed, walking over to the door.

“Dude, what happened?” Sero asked as they all got up from their seats before following Bakugou out of the building. “Did you not like your dance? She was hot.”

“Did you like it a little too much?” Denki chuckled as he gave the ash-blonde a slap on the back. “Cuz I mean I wouldn’t blame ya. That’s a meal I’d eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“SHUT UP!” Bakugou yelled, punching his well-meaning friend in the face, his frustrations finally getting the better of him. Stumbling backward, Kaminari held his nose in his hands as he groaned in pain.

“Katsuki! What the fuck dude?!” Kirishima shouted as he steadied the electric hero. “What’s the matter with you?”

“That was her!” Bakugou boomed as he paced the sidewalk.

“Who?”

“Jada!”

The men all stared at Bakugou blankly, not understand who he meant. 

“The stripper…” he explained through gritted teeth. “Nubia. It’s fucking Jada!”

The group of friends all looked at each other in confusion until the reality of the situation finally clicked into place, all of them shouting at once, “FUCK!”

Meanwhile, inside the club, Jada left the champagne room with her head hung low as she silently counted the wad of cash from her almost beau. Eizan was right… I was stupid for even trying. With a sigh, she sauntered backstage to the dressing room, plopping down in her makeup chair. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice her best friend pull up a seat next to her. 

“Wow, girl look at that fat wad! What did you have to do to get that?” Sakura asked cheerfully.

“Nothing…” Jada breathed, putting the cash away for safekeeping.

“Sweetheart, why do you look so upset? What happened? Did that guy do something to you?” The pink-haired woman quickly looked her friend over for any marks or bruises, her concern growing.

“No, I'm fine.” Jada insisted as she touched up her makeup, taking special care that her eyeliner and mascara were still intact. “I just got a reality check is all.” 

Chapter 6 | Masterlist

[guacameowle]

V’s After End - Notes / Opinion

Below the cut will be my reactions, opinions, & spoilers for V’s After Ending episodes & endings. There’s a sprinkling of ~thirst~ & a lot of confusion/screaming throughout. I am afraid I haven’t gone back to proofread the episode reactions, so they’re likely a little messy & misspelled. 

Episode reactions are at the top, separated by episode & endings. Long-winded opinion/discussion about the route itself is at the bottom.

Journey below at your own risk! xx

Episode 1

80 hourglasses for EPISODE ONE? Oh this man is EXPENSIIIIVE. How many episodes is this going to be? 8 TOTAL?! Goodness.

JUDGE OR FORGIVE?! Who am I judging & forgiving? Jihyun? Rika? Cauuuuuse... uhhhh.... that might change my answers a bit (a lot)

So this means there is going to be multiple endings, yeah?!

Probably hasn’t even kissed you yet & is already packing up, leaving, & asking you to wait for him. I WAIT FOR NO MAN (Jk I waited for this man for over a year. Fuck.)

Oh shiiiit. He’s leaving me his house?! Ok, I’ll wait. Have fun storming the castle! *waves*

Excuse me but does the news screen on Jumin’s tv in his room show a picture of Rika & a caption underneath that says “More Catfood”???

The bottom of the news reel also says “Does Jumin Han is Gay?” Please, release us. Let it die.

JUUUMIIIIN. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Let us comfort each other in these trying times. *waggles eyebrows*

JAEHEE COMING THROUGH WITH SOME GODDAMN SENSE & LOGIC. MY GIRL!

SOMEONE GET THIS MAN HIS WINE! Ohhh, nevermind he’s been drinking too much. Let’s have some water now, Juju.

This man is mourning & distraught. I am so sad for him. & now they’re making him dependent on alcohol to relieve his stress? Uh, I don’t like where this is going.

If anything happens to Jumin in this ending I swear...

WE HAVE CHATS TOO?! Damn what a complex update!

Wait, Zen WANTS to see MC & Jihyun being lovey dovey? Zen’s an imposter. He’s been replaced. That’s the real secret of this After End.

Oh wait, he said he was lying. Whew.

It is weird giving replies in chats & not seeing little colorful hearts flying everywhere…

Zen coming in HOT with the “Do you think you can forgive Rika?” question. Woooow.

You bet your ass I asked if anyone has heard anything from Ray. I’m going to cry.

NEW SEVEN CG! SO CUTE! VANDERWOOD IN THE RAFT! SO CUUUUUTE!

“He’s an adorable shy man.” Instantly chose this option. Vanderwood is cuuuute. Yes, Seven, please tell Vandy that I called him adorable & shy. Then tell me his reply. Then give him my number.

Yoosung’s got a package. I’M SURE HE DOES. ::eyes emoji::

OH SHIT, JUMIN DROPPING THE DNA BOMB. Wait, riddle me why the fuck Jumin had access to Seven’s DNA in the first place...

Poor Seven, I thought he had already sort of knew/assumed the hacker was his twin. But I guess he didn’t really know until now?

Looks like I’m on the “FORGIVE” path. Unlocked a Jumin’s VA free chat. Alriiiight.

Episode 2

Ray? Omg my eyes teared up. IS HE ALIVE?! WHAT KINDA SHORT TEASE OF A VOICE IS THAT?! OMFGGGGG. D:

Episode 2 & I’m already fucking crying. Great. Awesome. Lovely.

Honestly, I’m glad they’re having this discussion about V keeping all this information to himself about Saeran’s existence & use within Magenta because that’s always had me side-eyeing V HARD. I’m still of the opinion that he should have told at least Seven & Jumin about everything sooner. I get that he wanted to save Rika, but he was responsible for Saeran. I’m still heated.

SAEYOUNG HAS GONE ROGUE!

Mailman route when?! Kidding. His voice is nice though.

“Burn the letter” JESUS, MC. CALM IT DOWN.

RIKA WENT MISSING. OMFGGGG. THIS AFTER END! I JUST WANTED TO KISS JIHYUN. WHAT THE FRICK FRACK IS GOING ON?!

“We found remnants of DNA that matched with those of Luciel scattered about in the remains of Magenta. Since the explosion was of no ordinary size….” My heart hurts. My head hurts. My soul hurts.

This super sad music is just making me feel worse. I hate this. I’m crying again. I’m getting emotional whiplash.

Ray deserved better. Full stop.

Rika & Saeyoung left alone & Ray’s theme starts playing. How fucking dare this game fuck with me. I’m literally lying on the floor in a ball, playing this game & crying. What the hell.

For a second I saw Saeyoung making that fist in the CG & thought he was about to punch Rika.

Wow can y’all believe Jihyun basically Noped the Fuck Out of his own After End?

Hey Siri, turn off Rika’s voice.

Seven is dropping a lot of truth. ::quietly sips my tea::

God, Saeyoung’s prayer to Saeran is heartbreaking. Props to this VA though, damn he’s good.

Still on the “FORGIVE” path. I’m going to have fun going back & taking the judgement path.

Episode 3

Jumin “THERE WILL BE NO MORE SECRETS” Han fucking coming through! My boy! God, I love him so much.

First sun reference we’ve had. I thought there would be more by now.

Jihyun is out there falling in love with an MC in his head that he’s hardly spoken with since he left. That… can’t be healthy, my dude.

Jumin showing up in the goddamn woods in his suit is hot.

Jumin Han is so so good, y’all. This conversation between him & Saeyoung is absolutely amazing. He’s doing his best to comfort & protect at the same time. He asked about Saeran. He’s encouraging Saeyoung to live, helping him understand he’ll come out of this pain & find new reasons to live. He’s struggling too, but he’s doing so much to reach out & help Saeyoung.

The line about creating a new family, one without blood ties, broke me.

Uhhhh…. who was that? “We found him but that woman is with him.” Saeyoung & Rika?

THE STRESS GAVE ZEN A PIMPLE. Can relate.

Hell yeah I flirted with Zen. He is still prettier than starlight.

“Why don’t you come over? :)” MC. GIRL. …. I like the way you think.

Yoosung: “WELL I’M NOT GANDHI.” I fucking lost my shit.

“Should I drive V’s car?” Uhhhhh YES.

“But you’re gonna have to drive thru the night for hours. I’m kind of worried.” Bitch, I’m from Texas. I got this. 8 hours is a SHORT TRIP.

The disrespect. They aren’t going to let me drive. I don’t need a man to drive me.

DID VANDERWOOD JUST? OMG DID HE? DID HE JUST SHOOT SAEYOUNG?! BITCH, I LOVED YOU????? & YOU DID THIS????

Omg my heart. Why do they play with my emotions like this. Whew. WHEWWW.

VANDERWOOD CG!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Saeyoung is getting a lot of love tonight from his two new dads- Jumin & Vanderwood. Soft love & tough love. Shouting love at you with a gun in your face is new though.

YES! LET’S LOOK FOR A BODY! I STILL HAVE A SHRED OF HOPE RAY IS ALIVE. C’MON CHERITZ, PLEASE.

“Would you mind giving me some spotlight now?” Please let this be foreshadowing. I would eat UP a Vanderwood route.

Is another agency trying to kidnap Saeyoung? I am confusion? His dad?

Still on the “FORGIVE” path. Yoosung’s VA has a cute voice. I liiiiike.

Episode 4

My Yoosung is so sad. This boy has a lot of hate built up in him. First for V, now for Rika &&& V. Goodness.

She? Who the hell is Rika talking about? She who?!

Seems like everyone is concerned that MC will pity or listen to Rika too much. Hmm. Hmm hmmm…

Jumin is getting shit DONE.

2 years flashback. ????

Mika?! Who the fuck? Is this the “she” Rika was talking about earlier?

What he hell kinda narrative? Who is this woman? Supposedly some other girl from the orphanage Rika was a part of. She’s introduced & being used as the device that implanted this idea into Rika’s brain that she had “a devil” inside of her? She’s the reason Rika broke it off with V? Why? This feel like it cheapens everything. & why the hell is she calling Rika “Mina”? Is that Rika’s real name & I just forgot?!

IS RIKA LYING? WHY DID SHE WAIT THIS LONG TO TELL SAEYOUNG ABOUT THIS “STURDY ROOM”? COULD SAERAN REALLY BE ALIVE? Or is she trying to trick Saeyoung into leaving the cabin?!

Ok so the twins’ father has to be in on this somehow. He’s probably the one trying to get Saeyoung, I get that much. Omg... what if the reason they didn’t find proof of Saeran being dead is because his dad snatched up the remains?! Or kidnapped him alive? Or or or

Still on the “FORGIVE” path. This is hard. I want to be mean. 😈

Episode 5

I don’t know why I go into this game thinking I will just get to kiss the pretty boy. Or any boy.

Ok so more hints dropped their dad is probably involved.

“I am waiting for a letter.” GIRL, FUCK V’S LETTER. HE IS NOT HERE. SHIT IS GOING DOWN. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. IF HE WANTS TO BE OFF SMELLING FLOWERS, LET HIM. I AM TIRED.

I hope hope hope they find Saeran. Please please PLEASE.

I FORGOT. IF RAY IS ALIVE HE IS GOING THROUGH DETOX ALONE BURIED UNDER RUBBLE & ASH. I AM LIVID! WHAAAAT! SAVE. HIM.

Zen’s “WOOOOW” made me laugh.

These new CGs are a delight. I like seeing the mix of characters in them, too. Zen’s hand is huge. ::eyes emoji:: 

Maaan, Yoosung really flipped emotional spectrums so fast about Rika. The boy is certainly driven by his emotions.

These philosophical type chats always blow me away. This game really does get you thinking about social constructs. Fun & educating. Huh.

Getting these dirty boys to wash their hands before eating.

SAERAN MADE IT OUT?!

THAT IS SAERAN’S COUGH. OMG. HE IS ALIVE?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 SAERAN!!!!

Still on “FORGIVE” path.

Episode 6

Jumin, this is a very roundabout way to tell Saeyoung you care about him & just want to look after him. You long-winded, man. I adore you.

SAEYOUNG HAS MORE VALUE THAN JUST WHAT HIS HACKING ABILITIES CAN BRING TO THE TABLE! LEAN ON YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY, SAEYOUNG. THEY CARE FOR YOU!

10 years?! I don’t know if that is a blessing or a curse. Lol. That’s a lengthy commitment for Saeyoung though.

“Why must we give up one thing once we get something else?” Yeah, Cheritz. Why must we give up one boy once we save the other boy?!?! Hmmmm???? Lmaoooo

Saeyoung in a suit & tie!!!!!!! Niiiiiiice.

How in the hell are they gonna wrap up this story?! It’s gonna be a cliffhanger isn’t it?! Omg...

Did these idiots just straight up leave Zen, Yoosung, & MC in a random cabin in the woods FOR DAYS & go back to civilization on their own? How long does it take to return Rika back to proper authorizes?! Goodness.

WHAT?!

WHAAAAT THE FUCK?!?!

V TOOK SAERAN?! WHEN? HOW? WHAT? 

MY JAW JUST POPPED IT DROPPED SO HARD. WHAT THE SHIIIIIT?!?!

Uhhhh lmao uhm why are they dressed like Jedi? Jihyun is giving Obi Wan vibes right now. I’m cackling, when I shouldn’t be. This is supposed to be a serious moment, goddamnit.

I know Jihyun probably thinks he’s doing right by taking care of Saeran but AGAIN WITH THIS DOING IT ON HIS OWN BUSINESS?! Saeyoung is devastated his brother & all the while Jihyun had actually swooped him away for some self-medicated detox tour? Just more & more secrets. I’m tired.

“Let’s wait until detox is done & you don’t wanna murder your brother. So I booked a flight for next week.” A WEEK? HA! YEAH RIGHT! BEST CANCEL THAT.

Oh, he just keeps booking & cancelling flights. Lmao. Ok. I am less judgmental now.

If Saeyoung & Saeran don’t get a reunion.... I will die inside.

Unlocked the “FORGIVE” ending.

Shit that costs 80hg too? I have nearly depleted what I had saved up!

BUT HOLY SHIT Y’ALL. SAERAN IS ALIVE! 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

“FORGIVE” Ending

This song is hauntingly beautiful.

Who is this speaking?

Is Rika high right now wtf?!

God is a woman.

I am so over all this sun talk. Let. It. Go.

Weren’t security guards left with them at the cabin?! Did Rika just WALK out?!

Of course she’s going to run away & get away with everything. Mhmm ok.

NOW THEY ARE COMING FOR JUMIN’S COMPANY?! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD END WTF. I’LL FIGHT. DON’T COME FOR C&R. I’LL THROW DOWN. JUMIN BETTER NOT LOSE EVERYTHING.

So Rika is gone & for no reason Zen & Yoosung & MC are going to stay in the cabin alone? (& not have a threesome?!?!?!)

Jumin is literally putting his own company on the line to protect Saeyoung. This man is amazing. “We’ll rebuild.” My nipples are hard. Jumin has fully aroused me. I would have taken him right on a conference table.  

Welcome to Rika’s Ted Talk

Well.... I am pleased she stepped up & laid the truth all out there. Took us years to get here, lads, but we did it!

Twin cribs. Hmmm.

2 YEARS LATER?! SO THIS CONNECTS TO THE GOOD END OF JIHYUN’S ROUTE?!

2 years, huh... I would have shacked up with Jumin looooong before now. That man is a whole snack. Selfless, sweet, handsome, has a cat. I’m thirsty.

Jumin’s become an alcoholic?! Great. /s I guess this is meant to show just how drastic things are? That Jumin, our token rational & logical man, is resorting to a dangerous lifestyle as a means of coping? I’m heartbroken.

“Have I kept you waiting for too long.” Yes.

His gift better be bringing Saeran on stage because if he unveils a white puzzle I will lose my fucking mind. It is nearly 4am. I haven’t slept. I just want a smooch.

Omg I think it’s happening.

It’s gonna happen.

OMGGGGG

Please let there be a CG of this

IT HAPPENED!!!!! THEY REUNITED!!!! OMG!!!!!

LONGEST HELL YEAH BOOOOY OF MY LIFE

Pink suit pink suit pink suit PINK SUIT!!!! 💗

Ohhhh... Saeran has burns all over his face & his hand. Is his whole left side burned? My poor boy.

5 years later?!? (Mmmm think about mid30s Jumin Han though 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻)

*gasp* A BABY!

Holy shit, not a baby. A full child.

Awwww Saeyoung & Saeran live together!!

YEEESSSS. GET THIS LITTLE GIRL INTO STEM!!!! 

“When is Uncle Jumin gonna marry.” I marry him every few weeks, little girl. 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 when I reread his endings.

“Daddy thinks he will never get married.” I am now sad. I want to marry Jumin.

Jaehee got a promotion. Good for her. It’s what she deserves.

Aw Lucy is cute. Surprised they didn’t give her Jihyun’s hair color.

Their house has a lot of windows. 👀👀👀 Floor to ceiling windows. 👀👀👀 Good for fucking against. 👀👀👀👀

THIS CHILD IS ALREADY LEARNING TO KEEP SECRETS. NOOOOO. BREAK THIS CHAIN!

“Daddy is good with secrets, too.” TRUST ME, LITTLE GIRL. WE KNOW. WE KNOOOW. Y’all the noise I made when I read this line. Scoff wheezing?! Full exasperation.

“But you tell everything to Mommy!” About fucking time, honestly. How long did it take for him to break his secrets habit?

Ohhhhh she’s adopted! That’s why she doesn’t have his hair color. Curious why they didn’t go with the biological child path? I certainly don’t mind adoption. It definitely feels like a sort of tribute to Rika.

Girl already has a crush on Zen. Ha! Giiiirl, same. Jihyun’s reaction was funny.

I wanna ride Zen’s motorcycle & his diiiiiiiii

7 years later & Yoosung is still addicted to LOLOL. Keep it up, Yoosung. Live your best gaming life.

Now she’s plotting murder against her own dad. Goodness. & Yoosung just TOLD her this entire dark plot of the game. Lmaooooo

What happened to Vanderwood? Did he accept working at C&R? How is he? Is he eating? Did he take a vacation away from Saeyoung? I need to know.

Jihyun’s speech to his wife is sweet. Now kiss!

Omg I can’t believe I didn’t get to smooch him at all. What.

What.

100 HOURGLASSES TO RESET?!?! HIGHWAY ROBBERY! I need to save up all over again for when (if) they drop a Saeran After End

“JUDGE” Ending

No, going back to the place you hate most isn’t a sufficient form of punishment for the crimes you’ve committed. You can’t just punish yourself & call it justice. Thank u, next.

Why the fuck is Rika called Serena now?! How many names does she have?! 

Is Rika really free & just doing her own apology tour?! No trial or hospital involved? I’m????

Yoosung’s dialogue makes it seem like he still wants Rika around. Flip flop. 

I do enjoy that Yoosung is a very emotional character, even if sometimes in the stories I don’t agree with him. He’s always very open & honest with how he feels, even if taken to extremes.

Jaehee’s discussion with Rika was very rational. As expected.

Damn Zen gave her the boot double quick.

Jumin: “You are a minus given a breathing body.” Ohhhhhhh my god. 😮😮😮 & he told her he wants her sent to a lab to have data collected from her. Jumin is ANGRY.

So this discussion with Saeran is meant to be in her own head, yeah?

Ok her discussion with Saeyoung felt real -ish again but then her discussion with Jihyun sounded bizarre & far-fetched again. So has she just been inside her own head this entire time?

What the fuck... is going on.

Wow, let’s toss in some sexual assault via clergymen to spice things up. Alright. /s What the hell is this?

This ending is fucking bonkers

Omg Zen’s robotic reply made me lose my shit. First time I’ve laughed because of this ending.

Poor Vanderwood. He sounded excited to have a line.

Sooo... the ending has just been a mock of how a Rika route would have gone if she had one?

Wait this was all just MC’s dream?! Rika’s dream?

& now Rika is in a coma?!? What? What???!! I’m... tired.

You know what, at least Saeyoung & Saeran are back together. Silver lining. The only silver lining to this madness.

Yoosung got a whole new look again. I’ll admit, for a hot second I thought he had become a cult leader & I was worried.

Sooo... the RFA became some sort of support group for Rika’s victims?????

Jumin doesn’t want to be a part of the meetings because he doesn’t particularly subscribe to their efficiency. Zen just doesn’t want to be involved because he doesn’t want the reminder. Jihyun basically just didn’t show up. So is this to mean the RFA has fallen apart entirely? Rename the group, change your ideals, be more open with each other, & formulate new ways to create charity events/fundraisers. Find a new purpose together! PULL. YOURSELVES. TOGETHER.

Ugh. Ugggghhhhhhh.

So, I’ve sat on this for a little under 24 hours. I let it sink in, in hopes that I could make better sense of it. But honestly, I don’t feel like I have. I feel perhaps this after end should have been listed in a separate section like the secret endings. These episodes certainly read more like a secret ending.

Rather than call this “V’s After End” I think it would make more sense to have called this “V’s Route After End” (or even “Rika’s After End”). This ending felt more like a means of giving closure to the route itself, rather than an acknowledgement of Jihyun’s relationship with MC. We were shown Saeran was alive, we were given Saeyoung & Saeran reunited with one another finally, we got answers as to what happened with Rika & how she ended up in Alaska, we found out why Jihyun was really away for two years, we had Saeyoung & Saeran stepping out from the hunting shadow of their father. Questions were answered, resolutions of sorts were given.

When I think of “after end” I’ll admit, I assumed we would be given a short snippet of story revolving primarily around Jihyun & MC post-good end, like we had for the other characters; not this dramatic saga between the end of the route & before Jihyun returns two years later. 

Jihyun’s route revolved around him understanding his relationship with Rika & then distancing himself from that & trying to find himself. His route felt like it had more Jihyun x Rika content than it did Jihyun x MC content. This After End there was hardly any Jihyun x MC content as he was gone essentially the entire time. He really Noped Out of his own After End; I’m still a bit shocked I paid so many hourglasses for V content.... only to not be given V content. I admit, I feel foolish & cheated, somehow. I went in hoping for more content about a character I was interested in, only to be given this dramatic story revolving around a character I don’t particularly care for.

I’m disappointed that there is a Forgive or Judge aspect to this ending. 

In the Forgive path/end, the blame of Rika’s crimes & actions is pinned on Rika’s mental illness, choice individuals swaying her into taking particular actions ( “embrace your devil” ), and various circumstances she’s had to endure & live through. By introducing this new character (Mika?), are we meant to blame her instead of Rika? Is she a scapegoat since the idea was originally hers & not Rika’s, even though Rika was the one that enacted everything? On top of this, Yoosung is shown to be reading a psychology book & also comes to the conclusion that what Rika has done isn’t really her fault, but the fault of her circumstances. All of this feels like we were being ushered into forgiving Rika and feeling guilty if we don’t. Provided you do choose to forgive Rika, she finds her own inner happiness, becomes “her own sun”, and goes off to live her life in Alaska; no consequences aside from distance (physical & emotionally) from her once friends/family & developing a negative public appeal. This forgive path directly ties in with Jihyun’s good end, implying it’s the better (intended?) ending. That doesn’t sit well with me. MC shouldn’t have to forgive their captor & tormentor in order to achieve their own “good” end. 

In the Judge path/end, the other characters often show hesitancy when MC expresses she will never be able to forgive Rika. There are philosophical chats about what is actually good vs bad, what is just, & who is to decide these sort of standards. We are led to question if holding on to a grudge hurts ourselves or the other party more. And in the end, when we choose to judge Rika, the RFA falls apart; everyone is miserable. Again, the reader is left feeling as if their judgement was too harsh, too cruel, or uncalled for as the consequences of it have seeped out & negatively touched other people. Rika falls into a coma – doesn’t go off to live her life in Alaska, doesn’t find her own inner peace – & this is all because she was blamed or shunned for her actions, as opposed to being forgiven. Why does everyone’s happiness depend on MC forgiving her captor?  It all left a sour taste in my mouth.

I understand the discussion of what is truly good vs bad or what is meant to be just & unjust can go fairly deep, but I feel that discussion applies only to circumstances that are in a grey area. What Rika did (attempted murder, abuse, emotional & physical manipulation, drugging/brainwashing) is clear cut wrong. There is no question that these are bad decisions. It should not be up for debate whether these sorts of actions are “good or bad.” While I do not deny that Rika’s past (whatever it fully may be as I have not read her backstory DLC) has attributed to her behaviors, it does not excuse them. I believe that mental illness does not excuse someone’s actions.

These are two very extreme endings - either Rika gets off free from her actions or she becomes comatose & succumbs to a darkness. Why have these drastic differences when you can merge the two; have Rika go through treatment to help her, serve a punishment that is fitting of her crimes, help her grow & understand, then have forgiveness come later? There were several options within gameplay along the lines of “I hope one day I can forgive her” & “I hope she finds her peace.” I see nothing wrong with not having MC forgive Rika but still wish for progress to be made.

Everyone was happier in the end where you forgave Rika, though. And isn’t that what everyone wanted in the end?

Overall, I didn’t mind Yoosung & Zen portraying the voices that provide the philosophical discussions in the routes and this After End. In fact, I enjoyed the chats with them as I tend to find philosophical discussions thought provoking, even if I do not always agree with what these characters were expressing. While MM is marketed as a visual novel romance, it has never shied away from delving into deeper topics & oftentimes tries to provide a lesson. Perhaps this time, the lesson they hoped to get across, didn’t hit the mark with me.

Yoosung’s emotions were very extreme in this After End. I have come to expect Yoosung being very up front, unapologetic, & pushy with his feelings. In a game where so many characters are often keeping secrets, it’s almost refreshing to have a character that is so viscerally open. Personally, I found it interesting that Yoosung’s feeling towards Rika had flipped so drastically. It was almost as if he was now trying to overcompensate for his previous idolization of her. 

I’m still of the opinion that the world does not deserve Jumin Han. Through his own pain & suffering, through dealing with the disappearance of his dearest friend, through having to come to terms with the fact that a woman he once considered a close friend turned out to be someone so villainous, he has stepped up & even at one point risked his own company, reputation, & livelihood to protect someone he now considered family. He used his time & resources to help as much as he could. He sat & genuinely listened to Saeyoung & calmly gave input despite Saeyoung verbally lashing out at him. I’ll admit I hated that Jumin seemingly became an alcoholic, or at least heavily dependent on wine, during the stretch of time these After Ends covered. He was suffering, but because he needed to keep his shit together, he used liquor as his means of turning off his brain so he wouldn’t think too heavily about what was happening, otherwise he’d spiral. You can bet your ass that every time there was an option to choose “How is Jumin doing?” I took it, because this man needs someone to look out for him while he’s busy looking after everyone else. I love him. He remains my favorite. 

I am thrilled Saeran is alive. I am ecstatic Saeyoung & Saeran got the reunion I had been hoping for (& in both endings!). The doctor part of me really wishes his treatment & recovery occurred in a hospital, instead of some nature tour with Jihyun while wearing Jedi robes, but beggars can’t be choosers in fiction, I suppose. I am glad Saeran is safe, recovering, had the time to heal his relationship with Jihyun, & is living with Saeyoung now. It’s what I wanted for him.

On one hand, I can see why Jihyun kept Saeran being alive a secret (Saeran wasn’t ready to see Saeyoung yet, he was detoxing, he needed more recovery time, he needed the peace away from everything, if Saeyoung knew he would have gone after them immediately rather than wait for some time to pass) but on the other hand, I had had enough of the secrets. I am glad though that the story allowed for Saeyoung to have some hope that Saeran was alive. If the narrative had left no suggestion of hope & Saeyoung had fallen into a depression of sorts, then I feel when Saeran was finally revealed he [Saeyoung] may have not handled it as well. But Saeyoung was given a chance to hope, to grow, to finally relax/settle where he was, & was allowed time himself to recover from everything that happened, which I think helped in how he received Saeran’s reappearance.

Definitive proof that Vanderwood has grown to care about Saeyoung as a person?! Sign me the fuck up. That was amazing. I greatly enjoy Vanderwood.

With Saeyoung, I did enjoy seeing his range of emotion & reactions to this entire ordeal. He was desvasted, broken, distraught, angry. My heart went out to him & I felt his pain. His monologues were great. His reactions felt real. It was a bit jarring to see how readily he was contemplating suicide & how quickly he cast that aside as soon as some other bit of info to cling to came along. I understand, though, that this story took place in a short amount of time & the creators were trying to portray his progression in the time they had. I am tickled that he was offered a 10 year contract with C&R & that he readily accepted. I have enjoyed seeing him begin to accept that he can plant roots somewhere, open up to those around him, & not fear that he’ll one day have to leave.

I was originally miffed that Jihyun went off for two years on his own, seemingly to get over Rika, making MC wait around, before he could commit himself to MC. Knowing now that those two years were actually spent helping to rehabilitate Saeran in seclusion, I am assuaged. A bit.

I am, however, left feeling as though maybe MC isn’t meant to be with Jihyun. I’ve certainly felt as if there is more push to have Jihyun x Rika remain together as Cheritz still doesn’t give, what I would consider, adequate bonding & development between Jihyun x MC (not that 11 days of story in any of the routes could be described as adequate bonding time, lolol). Majority of Jihyun’s scenes (in his route) are about him reminiscing about his past with Rika, rather than discussions that may cultivation a budding relationship with MC. I like Jihyun, but it feels likes it’s been made intentionally hard to romance him. Maybe it was naive of me to hope we would get cute scenes of Jihyun & MC getting to know one another more, or be shown ways Jihyun made it up to MC for being gone for so long, or even a mini date story, or actually seeing the proposal happen, or even a kiss? But I did hope for all of that, so I can’t pretend I’m not sad we didn’t getting to see it. The romance between Jihyun & MC feels brushed aside, like an afterthought, & I was hoping that this After End would finally put it at the forefront of the story told.

While I don’t like how the situation with Rika was handled in either route, & while this After End was not at all what I was expecting (I just wanted to kiss Jihyun, omg), it wasn’t a total loss for me since the twins are reunited & happy, which I think may have been my biggest wish. The voice acting as phenomenal & I can tell how much time & effort Cheritz put into creating this mammoth, complex & thought-provoking story. I’ll be honest & admit that I am upset I spent so many hourglasses for content that seemed packaged as Jihyun content but turned out to be more about Rika, but nothing can be done about that now. 

If I had to pick an ending I preferred, it would definitely be the Forgive End, as there is more happiness for everyone I care about when it concludes. It was nice seeing Jihyun & MC have their little family, even if it was a very brief interaction. Their adoption of a little girl feels like a nod to Rika, of sorts. Perhaps that isn’t what Cheritz intended, & maybe there is no hidden meaning to why they adopted at all, but I am happy to see Jihyun & MC having brought a child into their home to create a family with.

The CGs are beautiful. Is there even a way to unlock the title page Jihyun proposal CG? I didn’t get it in my play-through at all. 

I didn’t hate this After End, but I definitely didn’t love it either. I guess it kind of falls in a strange floaty grey middle area for me, somewhat flat. Hopefully many of y’all enjoyed it! I look forward to seeing what they may give us for Saeran’s After End. I have a feeling that may be a wild story too.

[catsdaydreams]

King

Chapter 7 of When the Crown Calls. Check out the other chapters here.

Maxwell x mc x Liam

Rated Mature. Like the unsolicited Dick pick my ex just sent me. 

I keep trying to make this whole scene quick, I wanted to end “while you were sleeping” with the end of this event. But the story decided that it wanted more details and kept pushing it out further..

Requested Tags: @decisso @marcela13mars @viktoriapetit

I shook my head and looked him in the eyes, “I don’t back down.” I said, forcing steel into my vice. “No one is going to scare me away from court.” I stated icily.

We looked on as the estate grew ever larger in our vision. The limo pulled around the back of the estate as help came out to grab our bags. “Oh,” said a redheaded servant, noticing me as I stepped out of the limo. She fumbled on her words, “L-Lady Kendra. We weren’t aware of your arrival, we only have one room prepared for Lord Maxwell.”

I smiled politely, “No matter, I supposed Lord Maxwell will have to share.” I said, helping unload the bags. “T-There’s only one bed, M’Lady.” She said, looking appalled. My smile continued, “I’m sure there is an entertaining couch in the suite that he can sleep on, at very worst I’m sure Drake wouldn’t mind a bunk mate.” I said casually, ignoring Maxwell’s protests. 

The servant smiled and nodded as she turned to lead us up to our room. She lead us to an extravagant Victorian themed suite, I noted that the room spared no amenities as the bar was extra stocked. “They sure do know how to make a guest feel welcome.” I chuckled and Maxwell. “Ah yes, this is our best suite, Duchess Adeline insisted that we let Maxwell have this room instead of King Liam.” The servant gushed looking around the room.

I stifled a laugh, and noticed Maxwell’s face paling. “And where is Drakes suite so I know where to crash tonight?” He asked fearfully, making it harder for me not to laugh. The servant lead Maxwell down the hall as I looked through the outfits Bertrand had sent in my suitcase. A form fit wrapped pink dress was folded on top with a note on the top. Maxwell insisted that we do our part to help you. This is designer, and will ensure that your return is all the statement you hope it will be. 

I started for the bathroom when Maxwell re-entered, servant trailing not far behind with a dress bag in tow. “Hey, I brought something for today. Eyes are going to be on you and-” He stopped noticing the pink dress in my hands. “Where did that come from? It’s beautiful. Not exactly what I would wear to make an ‘I’m back bitches’, but still beautiful.” he said, splaying his arms out for effect on his statement.

“Bertrand said it was from you?” I questioned. Maxwell smiled and shook his head, “Good old Bertrand. He wanted to help.” He stated ushering for the dress bag, “however, I think you should save that, and wear this instead.” He pulled out a gorgeous floor length deep blue dress. The top was an embroidered design, and the satin bottom pooled perfectly. 

“Maxwell, where on earth did you get your fashion sense?” I gaped at the gorgeous dress in front of me. Maxwell nodded his head in thanks as the servant slipped out quietly. “I always kind of hoped that the noble girls would take me shopping with them and let me watch them change.” Maxwell admitted. I turned and swatted his arm, “Maxwell Beaumont!” I gasped, giggling. “Hey!” He complained. “I didn’t say it worked,” he muttered.

Maxwell grabbed his suit and entered the bathroom once I had the gown on. I was applying make up as he slipped into his blouse and trousers. “You know you don’t need that.” He mused, as he tied his bow tie. “Somehow, you make that gown impossibly more beautiful.” He said, as I finished applying the final touch of mascara to my blue eyelids. 

I started putting on the diamond necklace and earrings, as Maxwell started fiddling with my hair. I watched as he quickly braided it into a perfectly messy crown braid. I smiled at him, “Let me guess? Another sex tactic?” I said playfully. 

He gave me a sad smile, “No. my mom. She always told me that it would be important to be able to connect with the love of my life on a more intimate level than the average man. She always said that I would have a happier life if I could help my wife with her hair now and then, or cook for her instead of trusting her or servants to do it all the time. She taught me that being together was a partnership and that being able to cross traditional lines might help me have a deeper connection.” 

The melancholy laced in his voice pulled on my heart as he pinned in a loose strand of braid. He met my eyes in the large mirror in front of us, and smiled as he placed a kiss on my shoulder. He took a step back as he lifted his elbow to me. “Are you ready Lady Kendra?”

“I am, Lord Maxwell.”

We made our way to the ballroom and Maxwell stopped me before we entered the doors, “Kendra, a quick word of warning. They have a sunken ballroom, forcing both of the entrances to lead to grand stairs. So, it’s going to be an even more dramatic entrance than you might be thinking.”

I smiled, “How perfect. Honestly with how extra Madeline and her family are, I bet in another life we’d be friends.” I said, squaring my shoulders and raising my chin, nodding to the servants on either side of the door. Maxwell, shook his head and led me in using his usual jovial demeanor. 

Maxwell wasn’t kidding, the over sized doors opened to a beautiful marble grand stairwell. The flashes instantly started, as did the whispers, as we made our way down the steps. At the base of the steps I heard Maxwell whisper some encouragement to me over the barrage of press questions in cordonian. I tried to make out what they were saying.

Being semi-fluent in Greek only gave me a slight advantage, as Cordonian was an older variation of common Greek.  I smiled at a blonde lady waiting patiently at the front of the press for her turn to speak, I motioned to her as the rest of the group lowered there questions to a bearable buzz.

“Lady Kendra,-” She begins but is cut off by a beautiful woman in her thirties pushing her way through the crowd with authority. I notice Maxwell shuffling his feet next to me uncomfortably. “Lord Maxwell,” she begins coyly, “I see you’ve brought a most interesting plus one.” She says looking me from head to toe. Her eyes narrow at our arms linked together. She smiles warmly at me, “It would be a rather boring party without at least a little scandal, hmm Lady Kendra? Welcome to Fydelia.” She says offering up her hand.

“You must be Duchess Adeline.” I smile back,taking her hand suddenly understanding Maxwell’s discomfort. Internally I bristled with jealousy. I spot Penelope and Kiara whispering to each other, eyes wide, over her shoulder. She followed my gaze and gives an amused smile. 

“My daughter will want to greet you personally. You should go and speak to her, I can keep Maxwell entertained in your absence. We have something to discuss anyway.” She said, added an edge to her voice at the end, and staring daggers at Maxwell. 

“I, uh, need to talk to Drake about something.” He says, darting off. I decided to follow suit and make my way around the frowning duchess. I spotted a walking server in the crowd and chased down the flute of champagne I had been eyeing.

Madeline greeted me as I lifted the glass to my lips. “Lady Kendra! I am so glad to see that you are awake, and even discharged!” She feigned joy, “Are you sure that you shouldn’t be home resting.” She said pointedly. I gave her a charming smile, “I couldn’t miss the engagement tour of not only my king, but a close friend.”

She kept her face neutral, sidling up to me and dropping her breath so that no one could hear but us, “he’s hardly your friend, and Americans don’t have kings. They have presidents.” She seethed. I frowned at her, my volume matching hers, “Cordonia is my home now, and he is very much my friend. I have no intention of attempting to break up your engagement. Congratulations by the way.” I said, taking another sip of champagne. 

Madeline took a moment to study my expression. “Well, I-” she stuttered. “Thank you. Welcome back to court.”

“You know, it was a stupid decision to show up here. It makes the target on your back larger, I’m sure it will make whoever initially set you up more desperate to force you to leave.” She said, matter-of-factly.

I tried to hide my surprise, “You knew I was set up?” She scoffed. “Of course I did. Anyone on the inside track knows that you were too focused on Liam to bother with a side piece. Never-minding the fact that you aren’t exactly Tariq’s type if you know what I mean.”

I gasped, “Tariq’s gay?!” She side eyed me, sipping her champagne. “What, you think all those late night smoke runs with Drake were actually smoke runs?” I frowned further. “Wait, Drake’s gay too?”

She shook her head, “God, you are so clueless. Drake doesn’t discriminate against either gender, and Tariq is practically on fire. He is the fashion coordinator for 95% of the court. Including the royal family.” 

I paused for a moment and thought back on my time at court. “That explains why Drake never smelled like smoke when he came back.” I frowned, kicking myself internally for not noticing it sooner.

Liam appeared at Madeline’s side, slipping a kiss on to her cheek, causing both of to jump. “Darling you scared me,” she gushed. She motioned to me, “look who managed to make it.” Liam met my eyes, concern instantly filling his face. 

“Kendra! What are you doing here? You should be at the Beaumont estate, resting. Not to mention all the press here.” He said irritation on his face, scanning the crowd for what I presumed was Maxwell. “Liam, I’m fine.” Madeline bristled at his almost over concern for my well being. “King Liam.” She corrected me, glaring as she looped her arm through his. “We need to make our rounds, being the couple of the hour is a demanding position.” She said sweetly, continuing her glare.

I nodded politely and brushed past them, lowering my voice for Madeline as I passed. “Claws down kitty cat.” I whispered. Turning my attention to the rest of the room. I noted Maxwell, Drake, and Hana standing with Penelope and Kiara.

Kiara stuck her nose up as I approached, attempting to discreetly pull Penelope away. I rolled my eyes as Penelope gave me a sad wave and walked off with Kiara. I shot her a grateful smile as my friends turned to greet me. “Kendra, you’re awake!” Hana said, pulling me into a deep hug. I relaxed, finally amongst friends. “I thought your parents pulled you out of Court?” I asked. 

She smiled sheepishly, “one of my best friends was in a coma. There was no one that could pull me out of here.” Drake simply took a long sip of his whiskey. “Well you know me, Hernandez. Wherever King Ken-doll goes so do I.” He says, swirling the ice in his glass, bitterness in his voice.

I caught his eye and cocked my head questioningly. He shook his head in response. I suppose I would try to catch him alone later to figure out what was wrong. I turned back to the rest of my friends. “Okay scooby gang, what clues do we have as to who set up Tariq and I?”

Hana gave me a look of surprise, “aren’t you a little more concerned with the person that put you in a coma?” She asked incredulously. I shook my head, “No, Liam has Bastien on it.” 

“King Liam.” Maxwell and Drake corrected simultaneously. I frowned at the two of them. “What is wrong with everyone today. I obviously know he’s the king, but were all on first name bases here. None of us ever use our titles.” 

“It doesn’t matter Kendra. Things are different now that King Liam has been crowned. Even we need to use his title in public. The only person awarded the luxury of a public first name basis is Madeline.” Drake stated.

“To call him Liam in front of anyone at an event like this, is a blatant disrespect to Madeline.” Maxwell shrugged. I nodded in understanding, “that explains the daggers she was staring at me earlier.”

Drake smiled into his glass as he took another swig. “Classic Hernandez.”

“Has anyone seen Tariq?” I asked, attempting not to directly ask Drake. His statement was the best way to discredit the rumors that the photos had started. 

“He left court after that night. He didn’t even make it to the coronation.” Drake mumbled. I frowned, realizing that Drake may have wanted to escort him.

The music signaling the arranged dances began, as per usual I grabbed Maxwell’s hand and led him on the floor. We danced our turn and it was close to switching time, Maxwell leaned into my ear. “Stay with me?” He whispered huskily.

I pulled back to look at his face. “That is incredibly bold, Lord Maxwell.” I giggled. He smiled, “Maybe its all this time hanging around an american.” I leaned into his shoulder, allowing him to pull me a little closer than necessary. It was only then that I realized his next dance partner was supposed to be Adeline. I smirked, putting the appropriate distance between us, as Maxwell frowned.

“Sorry, M’Lord. But this American has enough scandal under her belt.” I said, as we bowed to each other, prepping to switch partners. “Kenze, please. Stay with me.” He pleaded urgently, using the nickname he only used privately. I stifled a laugh. “Have fun with the Duchess.” I whispered, half laughing as I spun to my next partner.

Over the next 3 partners I heard about my own scandal non stop, Two inquires on how I had been so bold as to return to court, and one improper proposition. I sighed, moving onto the next partner not paying attention.

“Well hey there,” familiar arms wrapped around me. I looked up to see Drake smiling down at me. I breathed in relief, “Thank God. Someone who wont ask me about Tariq.” Drake frowned, “Actually,” He started. I shook my head.

“I should have known, Drake Walker doesn’t dance.” I said, annoyed. He glanced around the room. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. A lot has happened in the last year.” He said giving me a twirl. “I could ask the same thing. I know about you and Tariq.” I said quietly. Drake chuckled, “Don’t worry about that. Tariq knew how to have fun, but that’s all it was.”

Drake was surprisingly well versed at these dances for someone who refused to do so. He led me around the floor with ease. “You’re much better at this than Maxwell or King Liam.” I mused. Drake blushed, “yeah, well someone had to teach the two of them.” He muttered. His eyes met mine, searching for something as we bowed to switch. I spun to meet my next dance partner.

I blushed as I met Liam’s gaze. We didn’t speak as we continued the waltz, simply enjoying dancing together. My eyes met Maxwell’s over Liam’s shoulder, his expression hooded.

I frowned as Liam let me into the dip and pulled me flush up against him. “Oh.” I said, breaking the silence between us. “This seems a little close for the dance floor.” I whispered, swaying with the music. I felt his smile, “don’t worry. At this point I think the only one sober enough to notice is Madeline, and she doesn’t mind.” I pulled back, keeping rhythm with the song. “She is your fiancee. Of course she cares.”

Liam let a short breath out of his nose, “This is Cordonia, mi amor.” He said silkily. I was startled at his use of Spanish, his greek accent curling around the words. He noticed my confusion, “You know my native language, I figured the least I could do was learn a few phrases in yours. As I was saying.” He continued.

“Madeline and I have a deal. In the public, we maintain our appearance. But privately, we don’t owe each other anything.” He said, the end of the dance rapidly approaching. “Meet me on the balcony at 12?” He said, bowing his head to me. 

“Ill be sure to leave my glass slippers in my room.” I quipped back. He smiled and kissed my hand politely, as I swung into the arms of Maxwell bringing the dance to a full circle. Signifying the end of the dance.

Oh look, a representation for my life. I thought as Maxwell shot a look of jealousy at Liam.

I wasn’t going to be able to keep this dance up for very long. I was going to have to end it somewhere.

Shit.

Next chapter

[the-cryptographer]

Not having reliable internet, I’ve had to resort to other methods for continued procrastination. …Like writing these tumblr posts in word. And looking through the pkmn freeware games and other things floating around my desktop. Some scattered thoughts about this and other things under the cut.

While I had a whole host of freeware (and a few other) games on my laptop – the number of which I managed to play was actually much smaller. I know I’m further limited by the fact that I’m playing without a mouse – so nothing complicated or actiony – mostly menu based imput and all that. But I was reminded once again that there are many games that are beautiful and creative and full of amazing concepts and informative discussion that are /utterly/ unplayable because the controls SUCK ASS. Honestly, playability is number one in terms of what makes a good game – don’t forget~

In terms of what was actually decent…

I played the Night in the Woods supplement – Lost Constellation. Which was a decent and thoughtful little point-&-click adventure – very pretty, engaging, nice dialogue. You build snowmen as part of the story and are encouraged to take pictures of them.

It’s actually convinced me I should look into purchasing the game proper. So you can tell I liked it.

...

I also played Pinkamena – which is what you should play if you’re the kind of person that likes to mix depressing murder mysteries and serial killings with My Little Pony. I know it’s based on games of a similar type – but the gist of it is – it’s a text based game where you’re running an investigation trying to piece together which among a list of townsfolk are regular folk with regular jobs and which are the murderers… before the murderers kill everybody… It took me a couple of runs to get the hang of it, but after that the regular mode becomes kind of boring. So I initiated a challenge mode where I’m not set apart from the other players in the drama, but at risk of being killed myself. Once I’d gotten the hang of this, I initiated all the challenge modes at once, at which point the game becomes less about investigating who the killers are, and more waiting for them to kill everybody else and then making 50-50 guesses trying to kill off the killers instead of the townsfolk so that, next round, there will be people left for the remaining killers to kill off that aren’t you. Either that, or it’s about being assigned to be the jailor. If you’re the jailor, you can jail yourself every night as a method of shielding yourself from attack, and thus stay alive long enough to see everyone else dead and win the game by default. …I did finally manage to win all-the-challenges-mode without being picked for jailor, but winning a guessing game isn’t as exhilarating as winning something based on skill, so at that point I kinda chucked the game out.

...

And – this isn’t really freeware – but the only way to play the second Ace Attorney Investigations game in English is to use the ROM and an unofficial patch. I had started it a long while back, and finally managed to finish it.

I think… the issues that people have with the Ace Attorney games are pretty well documented. It’s really easy to end up ahead or behind the path of the story, depending on how logical or illogical some connection in the game’s evidence folder is, or how heavy-handed and obvious the story telling is being. Also, there is so much dialogue and so much of it is spent rehashing what we already know /god/, but you also never know when the games are going to sprinkle in jokes and good character moments imbetween the dialogue, so you feel obligated to drag the game out and postpone every advancement in search of the interesting bits.

On the bright side, the characters are as amusing and captivating as always. I can complain about how the best character and the most interesting relationships (that’d be Franziska and her relationships with her father and adopted brother) are constantly shafted. But more to the point I want to say-

I love him. He’s such an insufferable idiot. And he’s just such a sweetheart, and it’s so heartbreaking, and I love him.

...

Okay, but- Pokémon fan games.

Going back in time, Pokémon Reborn is the first pkmn fan game I’ve played. It seems different fangames have different things going for them. Pkmn Reborn will probably only appeal to you if you enjoy (a) grimdark that’s highly aesthetic, hilarious, and over-the-top rather than truly horrifying, and (b) getting your ass kicked. I never knew that a pkmn game could actually be difficult, but it turns out that a pkmn game can be very, very difficult, and also there’s a whole world out there of competitive tactics. And you’re only getting a taste of them in a singleplayer campaign, but it’s crazy and also crazy fun. Without any prior knowledge, I ended up using the F.E.A.R. method trying to beat some of the bosses. When a game challenges me to independently invent last ditch tactics to proceed and the answers I come up with are well known game breakers… it’s a feeling. At some point though, I ended up with a team full of pkmn with extremely slow levelling rates, and ran out of trainers to battle against for experience, and fell out of playing in the process of waiting for trainers to respawn at the hub. I intended to pick it back up now, but I realised I’d misplaced my save files. I’m waiting to get home to see if I can track them down or something. But, you see, I was so impressed with Pkmn Reborn, it inspired me to downloaded a bunch of other pkmn fan games to try out sometime. And that time was now.

A couple of other things though – Pkmn Reborn all takes place in one city and its outskirts, and I really kind of admire that decision. Worldbuilding is one of my favourite aspects of RPGs, so it’s nice to see a city that actually /feels/ like a city with its different industrial, commercial, and residential districts – warehouses, slums, and wastelands. Also I took screenshots of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtles:

The immediate problem with downloading a dozen pkmn fan games is then you actually have to decide which ones to play. Admittedly, I used very shallow and superficial reasons to decide which ones not to play. Nothing I had to patch to a ROM, because that would mean me having to download a ROM and emulator and patch it. Also one of the readmes for the patch included a disclaimer that if you were too stupid to get the patch working then you were too stupid to play the game, which made me doubly not want to play it because apparently the developer is a know-it-all douche who feels the need to get personally insulting instead of just saying something neutral like, ‘sorry, I don’t know how to explain better than this. so if you can’t get the patch working I won’t be able to help you.’ I ruled out something with an installer too, because I was feeling extra suspicious about my freeware and what I was giving it permission to do to the insides of my computer. And there was something that wouldn’t start properly, and I wasn’t going to futz around trying to coax it.

And I also ruled something out for having a disclaimer that ‘you can’t choose to play as a female character because this game is very PLOT CENTRIC’. And, lol, Pkmn Reborn was very plot heavy, and they let me play as male, female, or nonbinary, and one of my costaring NPCs is a flamboyant bisexual man that hits on me no matter which option I choose. Unless your game’s plot is heavily involved in societal deconstruction and gender politics, I can think of no reason your plot wouldn’t allow for MC being a girl. Which, frankly, would be a pretty significant tone shift from original pkmn games, which your game doesn’t actually seem to be. …It’s weird, because I don’t actually mind games flat-out not giving me a choice in who I play as. Especially for a freeware game, I don’t mind the developers going, ‘I don’t wanna take the time to program in an alternate set of player sprites and dialogue variables. You are playing as this one person who is not you, and that’s just how it is.’ But the game apologising for this choice and then trying to feed me this bullshit excuse about plot feels somehow like either (a) an insult to my intelligence, or (b) you actually think your plot is so special and unique to a male perspective that you may not realise women are human. So it’s kind of lose-lose situation I’ve been put into, wouldn’t you say? idk, I guess it’s possible the game turned into the Revolutionary Girl Utena of pkmn fangames, or a realistic investigation of isolated all-male cultural groups, like a men’s prison, in which case I’d agree the genders of the characters can be significant af to maintaining the plot. But given some of the other signals the game was telepathing to me, it seemed far more likely I’d be heading in a direction where at some point some bitch was going to hit on me so I can’t play as a girl bc that’d make things too gay or something. I apologise for being so bitter and jaded.

...

Anyhow, after throwing a good number of things into my computer’s recycling bin, I ended up with Super Pokémon Eevee Edition, and Pokémon Sage.

In Super Pokémon Eevee Edition, you’re playing as the gen2 protagonist – albeit one that talks and is full of good natured snark – in a kind of alternate version of the Johto region. Notably, all the gym leaders are the same, and Silver is your rival, although the environments and layout of the region are different. You’re immediately cued in on the fact that things are very WRONG though. Before you’ve even chosen your name, you’re getting images of old style gen1 glitches in place of the professor your screen. Anyhow, you start the game venturing into the woods into the lair of an old (and allegedly insane) hermit – that’s Professor Oak – who ends up gifting you with a glitched ‘super’ Eevee that is able to switch between the different eevolutions at will. You set off to start your Pokemon journey, but it’s all overlayed on top of a meta plot. Gen3 is set to start in the span of about a month, and the ‘hypervisors’ controlling the game and its code are all set to erase the current Gen2 and all the people in it to make Gen3 happen. It’s not functioning on the level of Undertale having its story interwoven with your save file but, even given all its superficiality, it’s a fun little way to play with the idea of a meta game world. And it’s suspenseful. It catches your attention quickly and, even having played through all six available chapters, I’m not sure who to trust regarding what’s happening in the story.

In terms of the gameplay… It honestly fixed a lot of the worst things about pkmn gameplay imo. You’re given an axe, pickaxe, and surfboard to replace Cut, Rock Smash, and Surf – so you don’t have to fill up your moveset with HMs. But the limited moveset is also gone altogether. You’re playing a type of hybrid Final Fantasy X-2 active battle system, using teams of four pkmn max. The whole thing makes battles a lot faster, especially without the tedium of switching pkmn in and out of battle. Later battles do get kind of easy as a result tho, as you build up a star team and spam high level attacks one after the other, but I think the rest of the game carries the lack of challenge well. It goes quick, like I said.

There’s a good amount of content for the game as of now – 6 gym leader battles, and a host of other stuff. Although I wish there was more as of now, I recommend the game in the shape that it’s in~ Although you may find some strange and inexplicable loose ends. Like quests in your log book that you can’t fulfill, or some rather empty environments near the end, or-

I don’t even know.

...

For Pokémon Sage… the big draw for me was the pkmn SOUTH AMERICA thing. I gotta love me some silly cultural diversity in my pkmns~ It seems like all the pkmn are fake, compared to the above games where all the pkmn (except one) are ripped directly from the source material. But they’re so adorable!! My pkmns~ Let me show them to you~

Anyhow, it really plays exactly like a pkmn game, so there aren’t any fastballs thrown at you. I think the closest thing to a subversion you get is your rival’s pkmn being stolen shortly after he (or she) has gotten it, and the Professor handing off the final pkmn so your rival won’t be without one. You see the thief run past you at one point later, but the game is really only a short demo right now – it stops after the first gym battle – so there isn’t really a significant encounter with this thief. I feel like it’s kind of a flaw in the demo actually, to leave that so significantly hanging…

I think it’s a neat composition though. It’s a colourful setting and really detailed environments, so if you want to play a couple hours of Pkmn in the Andes, it’s not as if you’ve got anything to lose~

...

Other things I’ve been doing…

I watched Over the Garden Wall. And I can also really recommend it.

I like these kinds of shows that are a short set of fifteen minute episodes. With a concrete plot. That ends.

But, beyond that, I was glad to watch something that somebody obviously put a lot of passion into. Obviously the creators were neck deep in love with 1800s American Folklore, and the show is just oozing that love. It’s not even an area of particular interest for me, but the show sold it with such love and cleverness and with such colourfully human characters and a singing frog – I just adored it.

...

And I’ve been reading some shoujo manga… Or no, not really.

I was thinking again of Fruits Basket, which was all the rage back when I was in secondary school. Tbh, I still can’t quite put my finger on the series. On one hand, I think it’s terribly melodramatic, and Touru does strike me as being inhumanly perfect – almost repulsively so at times. But despite all of this, I like Touru, and I find the series really touching~ It’s really so alike and so unlike everything else I’ve ever seen.

Right before I left on vacation, I was also reading Akuma to Love Song. It’s really… terrible, lol. The protagonist is super pretty, but challenged in the realm of social schmoozing. She’s straightforward, and intimidating, and seems to see right through to people’s insecurities and drag them up without realising it’s their insecurities she’s unearthing. She immediately catches the attention of the class darling/hottest guy, and also this other guy’s attention. And all the girls hate her, and also her teacher, and it’s only through her earnestness and the help of hot guys that she’s able to pull her way through her struggles~ And also there’s a strange religious bend to it where she’s ‘the devil’ but also she went to catholic school before this and is always wearing a cross and singing Amazing Grace. It’s weird.

My beef with the series is that every secondary female character is some kind of conniving bitch that’s out to get the protag. After the protag kind of… outwits(?) them, there is this kind of thing where they admit they were only insecure and you’re allowed to start to sympathising with them. It’s a defeat means friendship kind of thing. The series seems to play around with the idea of how much the protagonist is incapable and tactless and has a bad attitude. But I do kind of get the idea that it’s pushing the message that the protag is more ‘honest’ and more morally correct, and it’s really everybody else’s problem for being jealous and angry and insecure. And the whole thing in general strikes me as kind of simplistic and misogynistic. And the fact that the men in this series are willing to put themselves on the line for her as much as they do – even if they are attracted to her… even if they feel some kind of deep intrigue and connection… it’s sometimes a little hard to buy them doing all this for someone they’ve just met. Men sometimes seem less afraid of making social enemies than women… but I think it seems like that because men are allowed to cross more, or rather different, boundaries than women are before they’re ostracised. But, if anything, men are even more desperate to fit in and not lose their privileges than women.

…And, if anything has been communicated to me through manga, it’s that bullying is a crazy terrible problem in Japan. This specific manga is obviously a symptom rather than a realistic portrayal of bullying. It seems to convey a kind of emotional state brought about by the fear of ostracisation, and the desire to not only fit in but to feel superior instead of inferior. The reason it probably seems simplistic is it’s attempting to reach the kind of mental state of a middle or high schooler caught in the middle of the whirlwind and provide wish fulfilment, rather than a holistic view of the topic from outside. The facts are screwy, but the emotional impact is real.

Ugh, for what it’s worth, I want to read more. I’ve read a lot of terrible shoujo before, and this manga is a kind of paint-by-numbers guide to some of the terribleness, but I can’t help but be intrigued by the protagonist. She’s deeply flawed in a rather unusual way for shoujo manga, whether the narrative recognises it or not. I would be reading more if the internet wasn’t what it was.

...

And, lastly, I’ve been reading Komura Ayumi’s newest manga, Kamisama no Ekohiiki. And, goddamn, I love Komura. The last time I made a post about her manga, I got a reblog from somebody asking if Komura would ever write a series with a likeable, sympathetic protagonist. And, different strokes for different folks, I guess, but I felt deeply confused and a little worried about what this person didn’t find likeable and sympathetic about Komura’s protags because they are honestly THE BEST. They just so unabashedly like what they like. They can be selfish and shallow, but they’re just so earnest and guileless about it – it’s so cute <3  And, in spite of themselves, they become sentimental and get touched by the smallest gestures – it’s just so cute <3  And this is all aside from the fact that she’s apparently given up on writing straight people. (I remember reading Mixed Vegetables in print and feeling the attachment to how down to earth the characters were.) Anyhow, the newest manga is about a guy who makes a prayer at a shrine for every day for a hundred days to find the courage to confess to his male best friend. His friend rejects him, softly, but rejects him, and he promptly walks out into traffic by mistake. The god of the shrine allows him to come back to life in whatever form he likes, and he rashly says he wants to be a girl, so his friend will be able to return his feelings. This turns out to be a very stupid wish, since he IDs pretty strongly as a guy. And then he meets his friend’s ex-girlfriend, is attracted to her, befriends her, and then the ex-girlfriend falls for him – who’s living as a girl. And now the male best friend is all distraught bc his best friend just died. I’m not sure where in this mess of BL and GL there’s anything even remotely shoujo-like. But it’s so, so shoujo in the best way. I just… can’t not love a silly manga that’s so sympathetic with all its characters. The more I feel like I should pick on Komura’s work - the more I just can’t. It’s just so lighthearted and dumb and sympathetic towards all of the characters, even and especially when they’re bi and stupid. I feel a strong kinship~

...

Anyhow, that’s it for now. I’m also trying to read fanfic i have preloaded in my browser. And write. Between work. I’m sorry I’m so scattered. I have the fifth season of GoTs on my computer too, so maybe I’ll watch that too 3_3