#i really really hope this person continues to get more people like them in the notes and realize their mistake

[utilitycaster]

edit: thanks @wardensantoineandevka for sending me the post I reference below but couldn't find at the time, it's this one and I will also be reblogging it separately because you should all read it.

while I'm thinking about Downfall I really have been thinking extensively about the ongoing discussion of fandoms and particularly centering/prioritizing white queerness and more generally one's own experiences (and I cannot find one of the best posts about it, which is not by me) because, as I've said before, but notably about Circle of Needle and Thread and Downfall, Brennan is somehow known as The Communist DM and also at every opportunity his messages of class-based oppression get pushed aside by fandoms. In D20, the message frequently gets flattened into Capitalism Is The BBEG (to the point that D20 has somewhat depressingly caved to it) but in doing so generally erases the human element - the discussion becomes dominated by the terminally online anticapitalist types who really do want to treat capitalism as the BBEG that, once killed, everything will be fixed, rather than part of a complex system to be dismantled in a manner that preserves the most human lives. In Candela Obscura: Circle of Needle and Thread, Sean's story explicitly about losing everything to the wealthy and powerful was shoved aside by fans cranky that his character wasn't made explicitly queer and in love with Marion. In Downfall, Aeor's exploitation was acknowledged by fans but its imperialism conveniently forgotten in order to focus on those powerful within the system who hated the gods, not the poor of the city nor those on the surface, without protection, being used as nothing more than a source of cheap labor.

And the thing is: I obviously do not think that the world is lacking in empathy nor opportunity for straight cis white men, but the fact that people cannot take Brennan and his experiences as someone of a lower class - the most tame palatable version of that too, as in addition to being a straight cis white man he is educated, a native English speaker, sober, and housed his entire life - without needing to twist it into something closer to their (often middle-class) experiences or existing worldview is depressing and telling, and it has not improved. This was an issue with Campaign 2 (the post I cannot find touched on how Fjord and Veth's stories were cast aside or only engaged with using heavy headcanoning to make them more like the viewer because they were not explicitly textually queer, despite being explicitly racialized and about class) and it's gone metastatic in Campaign 3, and it really needs to stop.

I am hoping, still, that Campaign 3 serves as the endpoint of this sort of selfishness, and its fans will have some sort of realization (or, more likely if less good for the world, will leave this fandom to terrorize another) but I will say if this continues in C4 I will personally be calling it out in the moment - no more vagueing, if you say you're nauseated by someone bringing up their personal experiences with colonialism that happen conflict with your feelings about your blorbos you're getting nailed to the wall by name then and there and what happens to you is your business.

[nick-writes-stuff]

Special Delivery

Hwang In-ho x gn!reader

summary: After Dae-ho goes into shock, you decide to take the ammo out to the rebelling players. You witness your closest ally turn on the other players, but after you are injured, he proves his loyalty to you. (~5k words)

!warnings: canon-typical violence, seriously injured reader, mentions of PTSD, swearing, use of y/n

---

As your friends started planning to overpower the guards, you couldn't help but feel nervous. While you believed in the cause, you just had a bad feeling that this wasn't going to go the way they hoped. When the group split apart after Gi-hun's presentation of his plan for the upcoming brawl, you found yourself sitting next to Young-il. You tried to ignore your heart leaping every time your shoulders touched, no matter how fleeting.

“What do you make of all of this?” He asked you.

You sighed with a shrug. “I don't know. I think it's a worthwhile fight, but it won't be an easy one.” You said. You glanced over at him. "And you?" You asked.

He nodded slightly. “I don't know either. We tried so hard to make it through the games, so going out there and risking our lives feels like we're throwing it all away.” He said.

You paused for a moment. “I could give you the lecture of ‘It's for the good of the people’ but that's bullshit.” You said.

He turned and looked at you, surprise evident on his face.

You turned to look at him. You spoke with a serious tone. “You don't have to do this, you know?” He stared at you for a moment. “You can say no.”

He shook his head. “I can't just abandon them like that. That's hardly what a good friend would do”

“You have every right to value your own safety over the good of the people, so deciding not to help doesn't make you a bad person. ” You said softly. “It's your choice.”

He sighed. This conversation was fascinating to him when he considered his position. Would you still say that if you knew who he really was?

After a moment of silence, you looked back over to him. “I won't think of you any differently if you decide not to help stop the games.” You said softly.

His breath caught in his throat as he turned to you. He was suddenly aware of your proximity to him. His eyes landed on your lips, but before anything could happen, he heard the commotion coming out of the hall that led to the bathrooms.

He leaned back a bit before clearing his throat. You felt your cheeks flush, but you didn't say anything. You made your way to where your alliance was typically placed and crawled under the bed.

As this plan continued to unfold, you got increasingly more nervous about how good of an idea this was. You knew that some of them had military experience, but this seemed like an uneven fight. What were a dozen starving, sleep deprived players with limited ammo going to do to take down the small militia carrying out these games?

Before they left, you took a step toward them. “Good luck out there.” You said. Your eyes scanned the group before landing on Young-il. “Come back here safe, alright?” You were both speaking to the group and him specifically. He smiled slightly, giving you a nod before following the rest out.

You stood still there for a moment, but you eventually sat on a bed near Jun-hee. She was really the only one you knew who was still in the room. You've talked to some of the others before, but she was the only one you really felt safe around. You would be screwed if none of them returned. All of your allies were in danger. You'd be left alone.

Even outside of the strategic aspect, you didn't think you would be able to get over their deaths. How could you? Especially Young-il. That first night after Red Light Green Light when neither of you could sleep, it cemented him as your closest friend here.

And you tried to hide it as much as possible, but your feelings for him had grown more than platonic. You knew it was stupid to let yourself catch feelings while in a death game. You mentally scolded yourself every time you felt butterflies in your stomach whenever he laughed at a joke you made. You pretended you didn't feel sparks fly anytime you accidentally touched him. When he grabbed your hand during Mingle, you felt like you could faint.

The only thing that made you hesitate was the fact that he later used that hand to break a man's neck right in front of you.

He knew what was happening despite your attempts to hide it. He found it fascinating, but he couldn't lie and deny that the feeling wasn't mutual. It would be hypocritical to call you naive when he was in the same boat. He had come into the games to watch over Gi-hun and learn more about what makes the man tick, but he found something that intrigued him even more. You.

Maybe it was twisted for him to say, but he was very curious about how you would react when you thought he was dead. And that thought led him to consider finding a way to let you live. But what would you do if you found out he was pulling the strings?

You didn't know what to feel right now. You wanted to be hopeful, but you couldn't quell the feeling that something was going to go wrong. That feeling only grew when you saw Dae-ho rush into the room. He was trembling, fumbling around in the pockets of the deceased guards. You stood up, moving toward him. “Dae-ho, what's going on?” You asked.

He stumbled over his words, hardly getting out a coherent sentence. You thought you heard something about ammunition, and your assumption was confirmed when he shakily grabbed a magazine. You turned back toward Yong-sik and his mother. “Can you guys help gather their magazines?” You asked. Dae-ho stammered out a word of thanks for your help.

The four of you gathered all of the ammo the guards had on their person. It wasn't much at all, definitely less than 20 magazines. It would help a bit, but this seemed like it wasn't going to be enough. Geum-ja had the idea of wrapping them up in his jacket to make a makeshift bag. She said something about having to do that back in the war. You couldn't really focus on her words as Dae-ho ran back to the hall. You took a deep breath before going back to your spot.

You didn't get to stay there that long. He ran back into the room with his hands over his ears. You grimaced, knowing he was probably reliving memories he'd rather forget. But then it hit you that he never delivered the ammo. They needed that ammo desperately.

Despite your better judgment, you got up from your spot, heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” Geum-ja called out.

You looked back at her. “They need that ammo.” You said. You left the room before you could change your mind.

You saw the radio, but you left it there. You wouldn't know how to work one anyway. You found the ammo where he dropped it. You wrapped it back up and started walking into the unknown.

You quickly noticed the broken security cameras, likely Hyun-ju's doing. You followed them and the sound of the gunshots. It made you nervous that you were running into danger, but you couldn't help but imagine how grateful Young-il would be when you brought it to him. The way the lines around his eyes would crease when he smiled.

You stopped yourself from continuing the thought. Daydreaming would get you killed out here.

You didn't see any guards on the way. You didn't know if that was a good or a bad sign. You did eventually find Hyun-ju and the others. Well, some of them.

She looked shocked to see you. “Y/N? What are you doing? Where's Dae-ho?” She asked. She was glad you got here in one piece but she was somewhat shocked at the poor decision making that led to you coming here unarmed.

“Dae-ho is out of commission. I think he's having a PTSD episode.” You said. From what you had gathered, Dae-ho's time in the Marines wasn't exactly a good one. She gave you a knowing look. You set out the magazines on the floor. One of the men came to start distributing the ammo. They got 2 clips each, if that.

You looked around at the people she had left. “Where's everyone else?” You asked. Your heart dropped to your stomach, but you were somewhat relieved by her words.

“456 and 390 ran up ahead a while ago to try to find a control room. They got pinned out there. Young-il and two others went to try to help them.” She said. You tried to hide your instinctive wince upon hearing that. Did he really have to go out and play the hero?

“Do they still need ammo?” You asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, I can run it out to them.” She said.

“Maybe you should stay here. You guys are the last line of defense to the others.” You offered.

She chuckled lightly, but she was definitely confused. “And what are you suggesting?” She asked.

You shrugged. “I could take it.”

She shook her head. “Hell no. That would be a suicide mission, especially without a gun.”

“Who said I wouldn't take a gun?” You countered. Unfortunately, there were a few downed allies among them. Their guns lay next to them without their magazines.

You really didn't want to take the gun.

“Have you ever held a gun before?”

You shook your head. “I could still take one. How hard could it be?”

She looked very annoyed by your statement. She knew there would be no use arguing with you. “I'm not giving you a gun, but if you want to run in there blind and unarmed, I'm not gonna stop you. I'll at least make sure you have some cover.” She leaned down and pulled a few magazines for herself before gesturing to you to take the rest. As you scooped up the rest of the ammo, she yelled “Covering Fire!”

You dashed your way across the balcony they were shooting from. You eventually made it into a set of hallways in a different design scheme than the stairs. You hoped that was a sign that you were on the right track.

And you were on the right track. You could tell because they had made a trail of dead guards, bloody footprints, and broken security cameras.

You were surprised that there weren't more guards out and about. They seemed innumerable every other time you saw them. During Mingle, there had to be 100 guards at least helping to carry out the game. It made you a bit suspicious, but you didn't have much time to think about that.

The sounds of gunfire got louder and louder until you saw movement down a corridor. You stopped to peek out from the corner. You were greeted with teal jumpsuits. Jung-bae and Gi-hun.

You moved close to them. “Hey, don't shoot me.” You called out. Gi-hun jumped and turned toward you. His gun was pointed at you for a moment before he realized it was you.

“Jesus, Y/N, you scared the shit out of me.” He said, exasperated from shock.

Your name got Jung-bae’s attention. “Y/N? What are you doing here? Where's Dae-ho?” He asked.

You hesitated for a moment. Would Dae-ho want you to tell him? Would he be okay with showing that vulnerability, or would he want you to hide that and maintain his ex-marine facade? You decided to tell the truth. It was easier to explain than making up a lie. “I think he's having a PTSD episode. He couldn't come back out here.” You said.

Jung-bae gave a knowing look, just nodding. You hoped that meant he understood.

“But why did you come here unarmed? That's too risky.” Gi-hun asked.

You chuckled. “Hyun-ju wouldn't give me a gun. She was going to run it over to you, but they… took some casualties.” You said, trailing a bit on the last few words. “Where's Young-il?” You asked, raising your voice to be heard over the gunfire. You started to pull out two magazines for Gi-hun from the bundle, handing it to him as he answered you.

“You just missed him. He and two others ran ahead to find a way to ambush them.” He said.

You grabbed two more clips from the bundle for Jung-bae. “Cover me?” You requested. He leaned over and began shooting at the guards. You dashed through the gap, dropping the clips near the man before trying to find where the trio went.

It was fairly easy to guess where they went, seeing as they were only trying to get around the guards. There seemed to be only one way to do that. Everything went quiet for a moment. That made you even more cautious, checking around each corner before you continued. Eventually, you saw who you were looking for. Another figure in a teal jumpsuit with no guards around.

You realized you were smiling. You were happy that he was okay and that you would be able to help him after all and-

A series of gunshots rang through the hall. Your smile dropped. You felt your blood run cold.

If the guards fired… why was Young-il still standing still? As he took a step forward, you slowly crept toward him, praying that he didn't hear you.

“It's over, Gi-hun. I'm sorry.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. You peeked slightly around the corner.

That image would forever be burned in your mind. Young-il was very much alive. He was low to the ground, holding out the radio to the player as he took his last breath. Then fired one more shot into the man's head. He turned a dial on the radio with certainty.

You heard him clearly. You were sure of it.

“Let's wrap this up.”

You started to back up, but you stopped when he turned. Your escape was interrupted by his voice.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He asked. He turned toward you and, in turn, pointed the gun at you without thinking about it.

You froze, instinctively dropping the magazines. You held up your now trembling hands.

He looked at you confused, almost hurt that you thought he would shoot you. Then he realized he was still holding the gun. “Oh shit. No, no, I'm not going to shoot you.” He said, slinging the gun's strap around his shoulder.

“What the hell just happened?” You asked, mostly just confused but also a little nervous.

He sighed. “I know, I have a lot to explain but we can't stay here, okay? Follow me.” He said.

This confused you further. After what you just witnessed, you weren't going anywhere without a bit of explanation. “Where are we going?”

Before he could respond, you heard a pair of footsteps coming from behind you.

Two armed soldiers were coming up the hall. You raised your hands again. One aimed at you. The second lagged behind the other and tried to stop him, reaching for his shoulder and shouting “No, don't!” But he didn't react fast enough, and the soldier put a round in your gut before realizing who he was aiming at.

You screamed, hands shakily touching the wound. Your hand came back bloody. You stumbled slightly, but Young-il caught you, helping you down to the floor.

The voices around you were coming in and out of your awareness. You could see that Young-il was saying something to you, but you only saw his lips moving.

In-ho looked you over. “No, no,no. This wasn't supposed to happen, I'm-” His gaze then darted up to the soldiers.

He glared at the one who shot you. His tone was cold but you could hear the intense anger behind it. “I believe I made the instructions very clear. Player 134 was to be unharmed. Also, your aim could use some work.” He said before aiming his gun at his head and firing.

At the noise of the gunshot, you cried out, thinking someone was going to come finish the job. He looked back down at you with concern. “Hey, hey, it's okay.” He murmured softly.

He gently peeled the shirt from your wound. You whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut. “Sorry.” He said. The wound looked to be away from any vital organs, mostly a flesh wound. “You're gonna be fine. I'm going to get someone to help you, okay? You'll be okay.” He rambled, both reassuring you and convincing himself.

He stood up and addressed the soldier who was still living. “Get them to the doctors. If they die, so do you.” He ordered before storming off toward the management room. Honestly, he was going to kill him anyway since he saw his face.

Unfortunately, he still had a part to play in this special game. He entered the control room, going into the restroom that had been deemed the dressing room for the special game. He needed to get dressed into the Front Man ensemble, but first, he tried to scrub your blood from his hands. His hands were trembling, and his breathing was fast. He felt like he could still see the red staining his hands no matter how long he washed them. If you died, he would probably see it for the rest of his life.

Your memory of the next several hours were flashes of hot pink and black and too much blood. You were taken to an area of the compound that was clearly not meant for players to see. It was very industrial compared to the surreal colorful halls meant for the players.

You were eventually lying on a table with someone who appeared to be a doctor standing over you. You heard someone stressing that you were supposed to be kept alive and with your organs. You would have laughed if you weren't in immense amounts of pain. Eventually, you blacked out.

-

You came to on a leather couch in a room you didn't recognize. You felt the dull ache radiating from your side. It took all your willpower to lift the fabric off your stomach. The wound was bandaged up, which was a good sign. They wouldn't have taken the time to dress your wound if they were going to kill you.

Before you could even think about getting up, you heard a door open. You stayed still, not being able to see who it was. You could hear the faint sound of a dial tone, and you heard a voice.

“Front Man speaking:” He started speaking. The voice was coming through a voice filter, but you knew who it was. It was him.

“I believe I made myself clear during our discussion, but apparently, I was mistaken.” You heard him say.

He paused for a moment, presumably listening to the person on the other end of the line.

“I gave them an order which they disobeyed, and we both know what happens to people who disobey orders.” He said.

Despite your better judgment, you decided to attempt to stand up. You slowly sat up, holding your breath and wincing from the pain. You didn't make a sound even though it was intense. From there, you stood up with fewer difficulties. You took a few steps toward him until he started speaking again.

“The player is fine, luckily.”

He was talking about you presumably. And whatever the person on the phone said pissed him off even more.

“It doesn't matter what you think about the orders. You are expected to follow them. I don't care if you think my feelings are clouding my judgment. That's not for you to decide. Now you can either stop your train of thought here or we can discuss your future here in this operation.”

You opened your mouth in surprise. His feelings? What feelings? You were shocked and excited at the prospect that your feelings may be mutual.

“Continue the protocol as usual. The next vote will take place at 0600 tomorrow morning. I'll see you then.” He said shortly before putting down the receiver. He turned around and froze when he saw you.

He stood there for a moment, expecting you to say something, but you just stood there silently. He was confused for a moment until he remembered you were seeing the polygonal facade. He pulled off his hood and the mask, tossing the latter to the floor without a care.

You had already known it was him. That was an easy assumption to make. But seeing the concerned look flash across his face as well as the realization that you had been listening made the butterflies return to your stomach.

“Hey.” You said softly.

He smiled. He closed the distance between you and pulled you into the gentlest hug you had ever had. This hug had been meticulously planned in his mind, just like every other action he takes. He thought out the placement of his hands, the tightness of his embrace, everything.

You melted into his arms, taking in a deep breath and leaning into him.

On the other hand, he was tense, like he was carrying a heavy weight. Which he was. He was carrying the weight of his fear that you would hate him for every decision he has made.

“Thank you.” You murmured.

“How are you feeling?” He asked you.

“Like I got shot.” You said. He could hear the smirk in your voice. You laughed a bit at your own joke, but he just let out a deep sigh. At this, you pulled away to look at him.

He looked anxious, an emotion you never saw in him. Even in the most dangerous situation, he managed to keep a cool and level head. It's something you admired in him, so seeing him so worried about something was concerning. But you need clarification.

“Young-il, what's going-” You began, but he cut you off.

“In-ho.” He said.

“Hm?” You hummed in confusion, eyebrows knitted together.

“My name is In-ho.” He said.

You didn't have much of a reaction to that statement. “In-ho, what's going on?” You repeated. He was taken aback by how nonchalant you were about this whole thing. He just admitted that he'd been lying to you and hiding his identity, but you didn't seem to care.

“You're all stitched up. The doctors made sure of it.” He said

“I mean with what happened before that.” You said. Your voice was a strange mix of stern and soft. You were trying to be gentle, but you wanted answers.

He sighed. He felt his heart drop as he began to speak. “I'm the one who organizes the games.” He admitted. You didn't seem shocked because that felt very obvious to you. “I went into the games to watch Gi-hun and make sure he couldn't succeed with his attempt of a takeover.” He said.

You nodded. “What happened to them?” You asked.

He didn't look at you. “Jung-bae is dead. The higher-ups have plans for Gi-hun.” He said.

That did surprise you. From how Gi-hun explained it, you had assumed the man in the polygonal mask was the man in charge, but apparently, he wasn't as pivotal as previously thought.

“Did you really tell them not to hurt me?” You asked quietly.

His gaze landed on you quickly. “Of course I did.” He said, matter-of-factly. He felt that was obvious. He cared about you more than he could wrap his head around. “I didn't want you to die in here. If you hadn't come out with the ammo, I was going to arrange a way to get you out safely.” He said.

Your eyes widened with surprise. “Oh.” You murmured. You paused for a moment before speaking. “You know, I only came out with the ammo because of you.”

“I'm still not sure what happened there. Why were you the one bringing the ammo?” He asked.

You sighed. “Dae-ho came back and tried to gather the ammo. I think he went into shock. He wouldn't leave, so I brought it out. I didn’t think that would end well if you all ran out of ammo.”

He nodded. “By the way, what were you thinking? You went without a gun?” He asked, playfully scolding you for the poor decision.

You scoffed. “Hyun-ju wouldn't give me one.” You insisted.

“I don't blame her.” He said with a smirk.

You crossed your arms, sending him a lighthearted glare. “You know, next time I'll leave you to rot.” You said, even though you knew that wasn't actually a possibility in this scenario.

He laughed. “How about there's no next time?” He offered.

You smiled at him. After a moment of quiet, you asked the question that part of you was dreading. “So what happens now?” You were afraid he would send you home. Would you ever see him again? He wouldn't kill you… right?

He seemed to have been dreading that quite as well. “I could arrange a ride to the mainland if you would like.” He said softly, trying to gauge your reaction to the statement. “But if you don't hate my guts and think I'm an irredeemable person, you're welcome to stay here if you like.” He offered. He sounded defeated almost, like he already felt like you hated him.

You had to hate him, right? Everyone always does. He put you through all of this. The bloodshed, the danger, the trauma, it was all his doing.

Maybe others would despise him. But not you.

“I told you already, ‘I won't think of you any differently if you decide not to stop the games.’ Remember that?” You asked. “Nothing's changed.”

He shook his head adamantly. “But I put you through all of this. You got shot for goodness sake.” He raised his voice somewhat at the end, clearly getting more emotional. He couldn't pinpoint what emotion it was, but you knew it was just anxiety.

You reached out and touched his shoulder, hoping it would catch his attention and get him to look at you. “You saved my life. Without you, I'd be in a black box.”

“But I-” He said shakily.

“The blame isn't as black and white as you think it is.” You cut him off. You took a deep breath, shoulders shaking slightly. “Plus, outside of here, it probably would have been worse for me.” You said. You hadn't talked about it much, but it wouldn't have been much longer until your debts would have caused some serious dangers to you.

He still wouldn't look at you, so after a few seconds of silence, you continued speaking. “At least here I met you.”

His breath hitched at your words. He finally looked at you, and you could have sworn his eyes looked somewhat misty. You pulled him into a hug.

He quickly reciprocated the hug, no longer as tense as the first, but he was still cognizant of your injury. He tried his best not to shed a tear. He was just so happy. After years of being alone, he finally found someone who wouldn't shut him out just because of his position in the games.

More than that, he finally found someone who he didn't have to push away because he was afraid of them turning on him once they learned of his work.

Cutting ties with his brother was the hardest thing he'd had to do in his life. After the confrontation with Jun-ho, he thought he would have to resign himself to a life of isolation and live with the fact no one would see him as anything more than a ruthless leader ruling with an iron fist and a penchant for murder.

You didn't take much care to the moral dilemma he created. Playing the games firsthand and seeing so many of your friends die really changed you. This same thing would have happened out there. Maybe this wasn't the best solution to this societal issue, but you sure as hell didn't have a different one that would actually work.

Regardless, you really cared about In-ho. You had grown to trust him the most, not only in the games but probably of everyone in your life. You didn't care that he had been hiding his identity or that he was running the death game that could have killed you. He cared about you. He went out of his way to keep you safe. Hell, he was willing to break the strict rules of the games just to save you.

And he'd do it again in a heartbeat. If his work somehow put you in danger, he would do anything for you. He'd burn it all down if he must. You were the first person who had managed to break through the walls that he had put up.

You pulled away from the hug, still standing close to him. When you looked up, he could see a slight mischievous glint in your eye, but he missed your eyes taking a glance at his lips for a fraction of a second.

“You know, after almost dying, I'm going to do something I would have regretted not doing if I had died.” You said. Before he could ask, you grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him closer to you, pressing your lips against his.

He was surprised for a second, but he quickly began to kiss you back. You smiled slightly against his lips.

This should be something that felt foreign to him. He hadn't kissed anyone since his wife passed. It should remind him of her, but this was an entirely new feeling for him. Kissing you just felt so right.

You felt the same way. He kissed just like you thought he would. Everything felt methodical and planned, but there was also some underlying force underneath it all. It was exhilarating.

When you pulled away, you both were breathless. He chuckled lightly. “You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that.” He said softly. You nodded in return.

There was still more you had to talk about. You wanted more information about how he got involved in the games in the first place. You wanted to know what happened to Gi-hun. You wanted answers, but you allowed yourself to enjoy the moment a little longer.

But maybe this was a decision that would doom several thousand people's lives. You could be dooming Gi-hun by not taking the initiative to get information. Maybe you could save him or even stop the games entirely.

Or maybe you'd be performing a suicide mission. It would ruin the strongest connection you have forged. You could be kicked out of this place and back onto the streets. You would be at the mercy of the loan sharks waiting to take out their prey. Maybe the soldiers would kill you on the spot for trying anything. Maybe In-ho would have to kill you. You'd become another face that would haunt him whenever he dared to close his eyes.

Perhaps it was selfish, but you didn't care.

[nickistuffs]

Birthday with you

Pairing: Harry x Designer reader (curvy or plus size whatever you feel they should look like. This is my preference

Summary: As a late birthday celebration, Harry invited you to meet the people he holds dear to his heart.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: None. Fluff 💗

✨masterlist✨ read the rest of Harry x Designer Reader there

...

Harry had invited you to his birthday party at one of his luxurious villas in Italy. The villa, perched on a hill with breathtaking views of the Mediterranean, was stunning. The atmosphere was filled with the clinking of glasses, laughter, and the gentle hum of conversation—a perfect blend of elegance and warmth. But as you stepped inside, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were an outsider. This wasn’t just any party. It was an intimate gathering, filled with Harry's close family and friends, all of whom had known him for years. They shared memories and inside jokes you could only wish to be part of. You had never met any of them before, though you knew them from following Harry's career—interviews, social media, the occasional tabloid headline. But surface-level knowledge was hardly the same as truly knowing someone.

Harry, ever the warm and welcoming person, had been ecstatic to invite you. The moment you arrived, he stuck close to you, offering fleeting touches of his hand and gazes that reassured you. "I can’t wait for you to meet everyone," he had said, his enthusiasm undeniable. You tried to calm your nerves, but with every new face you saw, you couldn’t help but feel small. Would they accept you? Or would you just be another fan who had somehow found their way into Harry's world?

You sat quietly on a stool, nursing your drink and watching the lively chatter around you. Stories about childhood antics, tour memories, and quiet moments filled the air—things you were never a part of. The feeling of being an outsider weighed on you. But Harry had wanted you here, and you couldn’t let your nerves take over.

Just as you began to wonder if you'd ever feel at ease, someone tapped you gently on the shoulder. You turned around, startled, and found yourself face-to-face with Anne, Harry’s mum. Her warm smile immediately made you feel a little less alone.

"You must be Y/N," she said, her voice full of kindness. "Harry's told me so much about you. It’s wonderful to finally meet you."

Your heart skipped a beat. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Twist," you replied, trying to hide the nervousness in your voice.

"Please, call me Anne," she insisted. "I hope everyone’s making you feel welcome."

"Everyone's been lovely," you said with a smile, though a part of you still felt that initial intimidation.

Anne gave you a knowing glance before leaning in slightly. "You know, when Harry first mentioned inviting you, I could see how much he values your presence. He spoke about you with such enthusiasm."

You looked over at Harry, who was deep in conversation with a group of people. He caught your eye, offering you a warm smile that melted some of the tension.

"He's been looking forward to introducing you to everyone," Anne continued, "and I’m glad he did. It’s always wonderful to meet the people who mean so much to him."

Her words touched you more than you expected. "Thank you, Anne. That really means a lot."

Just as you were beginning to relax, you noticed Harry’s playful voice behind you. "I see you’ve met the most important woman in my life," he said, wrapping an arm around his mother’s shoulders.

Anne chuckled and patted Harry’s hand. "We've been getting along splendidly. I was just telling Y/N some stories from when you were little."

Harry groaned, his face contorting in mock horror. "Mum, you didn’t!"

"Oh, I did," Anne teased. "I had to let Y/N in on the time you tried to bake a cake and ended up with flour everywhere."

You laughed, picturing a younger Harry covered in flour. "That must have been quite the sight."

Harry rolled his eyes, though a smile tugged at his lips. "I was seven! The recipe was way too complicated."

Anne raised an eyebrow. "It was a simple sponge cake, dear."

Before Harry could respond, Gemma, his sister, stepped into the conversation with a mischievous grin. "Oh, that’s nothing," she chimed in, her voice full of amusement as she approached the two of you, her baby cradled in her arms. "If we’re talking about embarrassing Harry stories, I’ve got plenty more."

Harry groaned louder. "Not you too, Gem."

Gemma’s eyes sparkled with mischief. "Oh, this is one of my favorites. Do you remember the time when Harry decided to put on a magic show for the whole family?"

Harry’s eyes widened. "Gemma, don’t you dare."

But Gemma, clearly enjoying the moment, wasn’t about to stop. "Well, let’s just say the 'magician' managed to lock himself in the bathroom for an hour because he couldn’t get the handcuffs off. And we had to call Mum to get him out."

You burst out laughing, imagining little Harry, desperate to get out of the bathroom. "That sounds like a real magic trick."

"It was more of a disappearing act," Gemma teased. "The only thing Harry disappeared into was the bathroom, and we had to rescue him."

Harry’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but the smile on his face showed he was in on the joke. "I was, like, five!" he protested.

Anne laughed, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "I think we should let Y/N hear the one about his birthday party when he got his first guitar."

You couldn’t help but laugh even more. It was so clear how much love and laughter surrounded this family. Their teasing, their easy camaraderie—it all made you feel like you were slowly becoming a part of it.

Harry finally gave in, rolling his eyes but laughing along with his mum and sister. "Alright, alright, I get it. I was a disaster as a kid."

"You were adorable," Gemma corrected with a playful grin, turning to you. "But honestly, Y/N, Harry’s stories are just the beginning. He’s grown up to be quite the character, even if he tries to act all serious now."

You smiled warmly at her. "I’m starting to see that."

Harry turned his attention back to you, his gaze softening. "I’m glad you’re getting to know my family. They’ve been a huge part of who I am."

"I can see that," you replied, genuinely touched by their kindness. "They’ve been wonderful."

Anne gave Harry a gentle nudge. "I’ll leave you two to chat. It was lovely talking with you, Y/N."

As she walked away, Harry took a step closer, his gaze intent. "I hope I’m not being too embarrassing," he said, a teasing smile on his face.

"Just enough," you teased back.

Harry laughed, his voice warm and carefree. "Fair enough. Come on, there’s someone else I want you to meet."

Taking your hand, he led you through the villa, guiding you from group to group and introducing you to more of his loved ones. With each introduction, you felt a little more at home, your earlier nervousness slowly fading. Harry’s world was no longer something you observed from afar—it was becoming something you were a part of. The people he loved were just as warm and kind as he was, and they made you feel less like an outsider with every passing moment.

...

After a few more conversations with family, Harry squeezed your hand and grinned. "Come on, there's a group of people I want you to meet."

You followed him through the lively party, passing by laughter-filled clusters of guests. As you neared a circle of friends, Harry's arm brushed your back to guide you into the group. The familiar faces in the circle weren't just anyone—they were his close-knit crew, each one sharing a piece of Harry’s world.

"Hey, everyone, this is Y/N" Harry announced, his voice light but with a hint of pride. "This is basically my second family." His eyes twinkled as he gestured toward them. "And trust me, they’ve all been waiting to meet you."

You smiled nervously, unsure of what to expect. The group welcomed you warmly, their faces open and friendly.

First, Harry’s friend Jeff, with a mischievous smile and an easygoing nature, stepped forward. “So, you’re the famous Y/N Harry’s always talking about. Good to finally meet you!” He gave you a quick hug, which immediately put you at ease.

Next was Glenne, whose bright eyes and calm demeanour were a sharp contrast to Jeff’s energy. She extended her hand warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you, Y/N. I’ve heard so much about you, Harry loves talking about you know,” she joked, laughing softly.

You chuckled and felt yourself relax even more. “I’m not used to this kind of attention,” you said, glancing at Harry, who was grinning proudly.

Just then, Sarah caught your attention. She was holding her infant daughter in her arms, a soft smile on her lips. “Hi, Y/N, I’m Sarah,” she said gently, her voice tender as she rocked her baby back and forth. “It’s wonderful to meet you. Harry was right your are pretty.”

"Well your daughter’s adorable," you said, blushing at her compliment.

Sarah beamed, her eyes lighting up. “Thank you! She’s a handful, but a joy. One of the many little wonders of life.” Her baby cooed, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

As if on cue, Mitch, with his wild, curly hair and a playful grin, came rushing past. He was in the middle of a lighthearted battle with a toddler, trying to tickle the little one. “Hey, I’m Mitch!” he exclaimed between laughs as the toddler squirmed and giggled. “Don’t let this chaos fool you, I’m a softie on the inside.”

The toddler finally broke free from Mitch’s grasp and sprinted toward Sarah, who swooped them up effortlessly. “It’s like a never-ending game with these two,” Mitch said, shrugging in amusement.

You smiled at the scene, feeling more and more comfortable with each passing second. Harry’s friends were warm and welcoming, each of them with their own.

...

As the group bombarded you with questions about your life, your interests, and how you ended up at the villa, you found yourself laughing and feeling surprisingly at ease. Each question felt like an invitation to share more of yourself, and their curiosity and warmth made you feel more at home with every passing minute.

You talked about your favorite books, the music you loved, and how you ended up in Italy. With every word, you felt a little more connected to the people who meant so much to Harry. The ease with which they welcomed you made the night feel like a celebration not just for Harry, but for the bonds they all shared—bonds you were now becoming a part of.

However, Harry had been standing off to the side, watching with a knowing smile. As much as he loved seeing you connect with his friends, there was something about the way they all adored you that made him want to have you to himself, just for a moment. He admired how effortlessly you fit in, but he couldn’t help but feel a little possessive, wanting a break from the crowd.

After a particularly lively round of questions about your favorite books and music, Harry stepped forward, his gaze locking with yours. His eyes twinkled with playful mischief as he squeezed your hand and, with a teasing smirk, spoke up.

“Alright, as generous as I am, I think it’s time I get a little selfish,” he said, his voice smooth and full of charm. “I want to steal my girl for a moment.” He paused for effect, his grin widening. “If that’s okay with everyone?”

The group let out a collective groan of exaggerated disappointment, but there was no mistaking the fondness in their voices. “Go on, mate, we’ll let you have her for a bit,” Jeff said with a wink, raising his glass in a mock salute.

Harry smiled at them, giving you a wink of his own, before gently guiding you away from the group. “See, they understand,” he said with a smirk, leading you toward a quieter corner of the villa.

As you walked away, a warm blush spread across your cheeks from his words. You could feel the eyes of his friends on you, but it didn’t matter. The heat of the moment only deepened the connection between the two of you, and Harry’s presence was like an anchor in the sea of social energy around you.

Once you were far enough from the crowd, Harry stopped, turning to face you. His eyes softened as they lingered on you for a moment, taking in the soft blue dress you wore for him. The way the fabric hugged your form made his heart skip a beat. He reached up, his fingers gently brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. The simple touch sent a warm shiver down your spine.

He smiled, clearly appreciative of the effort you’d put into looking beautiful for him. “I couldn’t help myself,” he murmured, his voice quieter now, filled with affection. “I just wanted to be with you, even if it’s just for a minute.”

You chuckled, your voice light but sincere. “It’s your birthday party, Harry. The attention should be on you.”

He shrugged with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “They’ve worked with me all year. They might be sick of me already.”

You laughed at that, the sound of it filling the space between you two, feeling like it was just the two of you at that moment, away from the chaos of the party.

You leaned in slightly, your faces close enough that you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. The distant sounds of the party faded into the background, and in that quiet moment, all that mattered was the intimacy between the two of you. Harry’s gentle touch, his easygoing nature, and the warmth of his presence made everything else seem distant, like background noise.

He leaned down, his lips brushing near your ear, his breath warm against your cheek. “Though I have to say, it’s pretty fun making you blush.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, but the smile that tugged at your lips betrayed your attempt at feigning indifference. “You're impossible,” you whispered, your voice light but full of affection.

Harry chuckled, and you could feel the warmth of his laugh in the air between you. “You love it,” he teased gently, his fingers still tracing circles on your skin.

Just then, the sound of laughter broke through the quiet moment, and you heard a voice from the distance call out with a teasing tone.

“Hey lovebirds, time to blow out the candles on your cake, Harry!”

The playful interruption came from none other than Jeff, who stood with the group, his mischievous grin matching the fondness in his eyes. The others behind him chuckled, clearly enjoying the moment they had interrupted.

You and Harry exchanged an amused glance, both of you still caught in the afterglow of the quiet moment you shared. With a soft sigh, Harry smiled, his hand gently holding yours once more.

“Well,” he said, his grin widening as he gave you a playful nudge, “looks like they’re calling us back to the party. But don’t worry, I’m not done with you yet.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Of course you’re not.”

With that, Harry led you back toward the group. As the bustling crowd and lively chatter resumed around you, the warmth of the quiet moment you’d just shared lingered. It was a perfect balance—shared laughter, heartfelt conversations, and just enough of Harry’s attention to remind you how much he cared. The party was a celebration of him, but with him by your side, it felt like a celebration of the two of you.

Just as Harry was about to blow out his candles, Anne’s voice rang out, playful and full of motherly warmth. “Make a wish, Harry!” she called from across the room.

Harry paused for a beat, a small smile playing on his lips. He glanced at you, then back at his cake, before he blew out the candles. He already knew what he’d wished for—and he didn’t need to make a wish to know it had already come true.

...

AAAHHH!!! HBD to our lovely Harry Styles <3

[ladykailitha]

The Caged Bird Still Sings Part 21

Wow! It always amazes me when story gets past 20 chapters. It makes it ending even harder. But ending it is. I completed the final chapter yesterday. It will have 24 chapters and then it one of the other fics I'm currently working will replace it.

Chrissy makes good on her promise to blow each of the kids' minds.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

~

By invite only is what Chrissy said. Holy shit. There were actual famous people here and Steve was freaking out.

Steve, Robin, and his kids were picked up in a shiny, black limo and taken to Wayne’s ranch. There the amphitheater was set up for Corroded Coffin to play. As evidenced by the black and gold drum kit with their logo slapped on the bass drum.

There were actors and other musicians there. Some pretty big names too. So that got Dustin and Mike sorted. They were freaking out and geeking out about each new person they spotted.

Then Max was tugging on Steve’s arm. “Steve. Steve I can’t believe it. He’s here.”

Steve looked over to see a man, maybe a little bit older than he was standing there talking to Jeff’s dad. He didn’t look like much, but the way Max was vibrating next to him, he knew the guy was famous in a way only see would recognize.

“That’s Steve Caballero,” she sighed wistfully. “When I was out in Cali, he was pioneering the skateboard scene. He’s so awesome.”

And then it hit him. What Chrissy met when she said that she could do something special for each of the kids with one event. And this was Max’s.

“Come on,” Steve said brightly, tugging on her arm. “We’re going to go say hello.”

Max stared at him in shock and tried to tell him she wasn’t going to do that, when Steve yanked on her arm and lead him over to Mr. Lawrence and Steve Caballero.

“Hey, you’re Steve right?” he said with his most charming smile. When the guy nodded, he continued, “My friend here is a huge fan. This Max Mayfield.”

Steve looked her up and down. “Long or standard?”

“Standard,” Max said immediately. “I’ve been working on my kickflip and I’ve almost got it down.”

Steve C. raised an eyebrow. “Where do you go to skate around here?”

Max chatted excitedly with him. “Doing street is the best I can hope for in Hicksville, but there is a quarry nearby where I go to practice my bigger stuff.”

“You should really show me while I’m in town...” Steve C. said as Steve wandered off.

Will was talking to a man and woman and so Steve started walking over that direction.

Will spotted him and pulled him over. “This is Stephen Cosgrove and Robin James. They do the Serendipity books.”

Steve turned his head to the side as he thought about it for a moment. “Is that the one with big pink and green sea dragon or whatever?”

Stephen smiled. “Sea dragon is a much nicer term than sea monster, but yes. That’s us.”

Steve snapped his fingers. “I’ve been meeting a lot of Steves today. First Steve Caballero who skateboards and now you.”

Robin and Stephen shared a glance.

“I’m a Steve too.”

They both “ooh’ed” and nodded.

“This young man was telling us that he wanted to illustrate children’s books,” Robin J. said with a smile.

Steve ruffled Will’s hair. “He’s really good, he was even teaching me a thing or two over the summer.”

“There’s children’s illustration exhibit in Indy while we’re here,” Stephen said brightly. “I think he’d be very interested in seeing it.”

Will looked up at Steve, hopeful.

Steve ruffled Will’s hair again. “We’ll have to ask your mom, but yeah that sounds great. If I can get the information from you.”

And both Stephen and Robin J. hurried to do just that with Robin J. handing Will her personal business card. “When you get a little older, give me a call,” she said with a wink.

Will waved dorkily at them and then let Steve lead him away. “This was so cool, Steve. Thanks for inviting me. I’m more of a ‘The Clash’ fan, but meeting my heroes is so mind blowing and to go to see the exhibit would be the icing on the cake.”

Steve smiled, putting his arm around the kid. “We’ll have to see. Your mom is still mad at me for the whole Eddie is a sugar daddy fiasco.”

“Which is bullshit,” Will huffed. “Even Jonathan thinks Eddie is sweet and this was before you got him that camera. As he pointed out Eddie was out of town and a lot of the gifts were cute and not over the top expensive.”

“I wish Jonathan had been successful,” Steve said dryly, “and the whole mess with Scoops would have been avoided.”

“Yeah,” Will said dourly. “Hop is still mad at her for the whole assault thing. Eddie was taking care of you and yes, she might have not have known who it was at the time, but the fact that you could come and go as you pleased, you were able to spend the money on whatever you wanted, and were really happy... like she should have let it go.”

They went to go find Mike and Dustin. It wasn’t long to find them, they were chatting away with Brian and Gareth.

Brian threw his arms out and cried. “Stevie! The man of the hour! Eddie was excited when you agreed to come out to this.”

Steve smiled at the bassist. “Like I could ever turn down a chance to see you guys play live. I did like the music when I heard it the first time.”

“Eddie told us about your musical indoctrination,” Gareth said with a huff of laughter. “You actually went out and bought heavy metal albums of your own accord, so I’ll give you that. Because I always assumed you liked us live because you liked the outfit Eddie wore.”

Steve quickly covered an ear each of Dustin and Mike and yanked them to his side. “There are children present!” he scandalized with a wry smile.

Brian and Gareth cackled as Dustin and Mike struggled to be released.

“Let me go!” Dustin huffed, pushing at Steve’s side. “I’m not a child!”

Steve let them both go laughing. “Yeah, than tell me what Gareth was referring to and maybe I’ll believe you, dweeb.”

Dustin shrugged. “Probably the same reason my likes Elvis. Young Elvis. The long legs and hips.”

Gareth and Steve shared a wide-eyed glance.

Gareth nodded appreciatively. “I can see why Robin calls you the genius child. Right in one, kiddo. How about you, Mike? You in it for the music or Eddie in tight pants?”

Mike stuttered and sputtered as he turned bright red.

“The tight pants for sure,” Brian teased, elbowing Gareth who was giggling.

“But I like girls!” Mike finally managed to spit out, his eyes wide and his fist clenched.

Dustin raised a confused eyebrow. “My ma is always talking about David Bowie and how he likes both men and women and doesn’t matter who his partner is, he’s not gay if he’s with a man or straight if he’s with a woman, he’ll always be bisexual.”

“I think I want to meet your mom, kid,” Gareth said with a low whistle. “I’d like to shake her hand. Sounds like the best mom, ever.”

Dustin blushed as he flashed a big grin.

“You can be both?” Mike whispered, suddenly shy. He ducked his head and picked at his nails.

Brian put an arm around his shoulders. “Let me introduce you to Jeff, he’s bisexual too. He’ll be able to answer all your questions.” Then he quietly led him away from the group.

“Congrats on blowing that kid’s mind,” Steve said with a huff of laughter. Gareth just grinned back.

Dustin scoffed. “I’ve known Mike liked boys since the fourth grade.”

Steve blinked at him for a moment. “Well then. Still he’s about to be opened up to a world of possibilities he’s never even considered before.”

“If he’s not as big an ass he likes to pretend he is,” Dustin said rolling his eyes, “then hopefully he’ll have asked Will out by the end of the concert.”

Steve burst out laughing. “I love you optimism, bud. But I think it’s going to take Mike a little bit longer than that.” He held up his finger and thumb and pushed them really closed together.

Dustin just shrugged and then started yapping poor Gareth’s ear off on whether or not the EP Kas’s Revenge counted as their first album or not, so Steve wisely made his escape. It was that he didn’t care about that sort of thing, but it looked like it was about to get into a lot technical stuff that would go over his head.

Lucas peeled away from Brian, Mike, and Jeff and spotted Steve. “Hey, man! Thanks for this! This is cool, too!”

Steve smiled. “You’re welcome. It might be a little unfair you getting two events like this, but I with all the stars and shit here, everyone is getting their own double dose!”

“Eh,” Lucas said, cocking his head to the side, “I’m not too bothered by that.”

Steve laughed. “You are such an asshole sometimes, you know that?” he said, squeezing Lucas’s shoulder.

“Hanging out with Dustin and Mike,” he said with a shrug, “it tends to rub off on you whether you want to or not.”

“That’s true,” he murmured looking around. “Hey, I thought your sister came, too. I don’t see her.”

Lucas looked around frantically. “Shit. I don’t see here either. I thought she was right there with me talking D&D with Jeff. I didn’t even realize that she had wandered off.”

Steve stopped looking for Erica and started looking for Eddie. He knew this place better than Lucas or him. He spotted him getting a drink at the buffet table and made a beeline for him, with Lucas hot on his heels.

“Hey, Eddie,” Steve said a little panicked as he neared the rockstar. “Have you seen Erica? Little black girl, pink dress, hair in corn rows?”

“Oh yeah,” Eddie said with a grin. “Come follow me.”

Steve and Lucas shared a glance but did as they were told. Eddie led them around the house to a part of the property that Steve hadn’t seen before. Out here was more like what Steve had expected when he was told Uncle Wayne lived on a ranch. There were sprawling pastures and a beautiful bright red barn, like something out of the movies.

A little distance away Steve could see Erica with Uncle Wayne feeding a carrot to a blue roan, while a spotted brown and white horse tried to steal from it.

“Erica!” Lucas breathed out and he trotted up to her. “You need to tell someone before you wander off...”

Wayne looked down at her with a glare. “I thought you told me you had told Steve where you were.”

Erica turned back slowly to Wayne, wide-eyed. “Oh, maybe it was Eddie I told. Or, um...”

Eddie put his hands on his hips. “I know for a fact you didn’t tell me, the only reason I knew where you were is because I know a horse girl when I see one.”

“Uh-huh,” Wayne said eyeing her warily. “I’ll let it slide this time, Missy, but I catch you lyin’ to me again and I’ll revoke your horse visiting privileges.”

Erica pouted. “I’m sorry, Uncle Wayne. I’ll be sure to tell people where I’m going from now on.”

Wayne nodded curtly and went back to feeding the horses. “I don’t think you’ve met my horses the last time you were here, Steve.”

Steve smiled at him. “No, sir. Wasn’t even brought up.” He cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow to emphasis his point.

“Ah,” Wayne said pursing his lips together. “I guess I was a tad remiss in my duties then. These are two of my rascals. Jadis and Fledge.”

Steve snapped his fingers as he thought. “Those are from the Chronicles of Narnia, right?”

“Eddie came by his love for fantasy naturally,” Wayne said with a smile. “But why don’t you boys head back to the party, I’ll watch this one and make sure we get to the concert just fine.”

“With the promise I get to bring her back at later date so we can both see the horses,” Steve said with a grin.

Erica looked up at Steve with unbridled glee. “Oh can we?” she asked Uncle Wayne.

“As long as your parents say you can,” Wayne said with a solemn nod, “than that’s a promise.”

As soon as the three of them got back to the party Robin came dashing up to them all bright-eyed and excited.

“Ellie is talking to the Diane Von Furstenberg,” she said breathlessly. “Can you believe that?”

Steve only knew who that was only because his mother hated her.

Eddie lit up. “I’m glad she was able to make it. She’s Chrissy’s favorite designer. I hope Ellie gets a lot of good tips from her.”

“Can I run away with you?” Robin asked in wide-eyed seriousness. “I’ll continue to PA for you, I don’t care. But you know some of the coolest people.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Turn eighteen and we’ll talk then.”

Robin jumped up and down clapping. “You coming with me.” She grabbed his arm and forced him to introduce her to some of the other greats that were there.

Chrissy came bounding up to him all smiles. “So did I win back the favor of the fair prince?”

Steve grinned. “Hell yeah you did! All of them have had their minds blown and then are going to be treated to one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen. And when I say that, that’s not hyperbole, me and my now ex-boyfriend went to a lot of concerts growing up. There is no doubt Corroded Coffin blows them out of the water.”

She grinned up at him. “Hell yeah they do.”

~

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @itsall-taken @wheneverfeasible @zerokrox-blog @beelze-the-bubkiss @blondie1006

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @themoonagainstmers @cryptid-system @maya-custodios-dionach

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1

5- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

6- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

7- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @w1ll0wtr33 @sticknpokelightningbolt @just-a-tiny-void

8- @scoops-aboy86 @kurofuckingshi16 @watermelonmite @eyehartart @dreamercec

9- @little-birch-boy @yearningagain @micheledawn1975 @sadisticaltarts @steddieislife

10- @fearieshadow @kultiras @thesecondfate @tartarusknight @genderless-spoon

[casscainmainly]

Hi! I've loved reading your thoughts on Cass and other overlooked characters on this blog, it's really opened my eyes and made me want to explore canon more (sadly until recently I was solely into fanon)

I've seen you talk about Steph a lot, and you seem like one of the best people to ask about her. See, I've only ever seen shallow portrayals of her in fanon, and when I've tried looking into canon, I get...mixed portrayals at best. Especially when it comes to her dynamic with Bruce or Tim. And I'll admit I got put off by it.

But since you've already made me excited to learn more about Cass, I figured if you like Steph too, she must have more to her than what I've stumbled onto. So if it's not too much trouble, could you recommend some comics/stories to help someone trying to lose the fanon goggles get to know (and hopefully adore) her?

Hi!! I'm so glad you're diving into comics, it's a wild ride but honestly a lot of fun <333. And Steph is definitely a character with incredible amounts of depth to her. For a full reading list, check out @bitimdrake's reading order (it stops at the New 52 which is a company-wide reboot, for post-N52 stories check out this page and then this one).

Steph's portrayals are often marred by misogyny both in and out of text. Her relationship with Bruce can be off-putting, and sometimes her treatment will be absolutely infuriating. However, all of this makes her super interesting to me - she's a character who refuses to give up, whose tenacity is so strong it even defies real life mandates to erase and belittle her! If you stick with her, you will come out with a character who's so much more than anyone ever thought she'd be.

I'm not a Steph expert by any means, so I'd recommend asking Steph-centric blogs like @a-bad-case-of-the-stephs (whose metas are incredible) because you might get better recommendations from them! But for Steph stories I've personally enjoyed, they are:

Batman: Huntress/Spoiler - Blunt Trauma: After an earthquake, Steph teams up with Huntress to take down some bad guys. This one issue undoes a lot of fanon - it dives into Steph's outlook on life, moral beliefs, and her relationship with her father. Highly recommend!

Batgirl (2000) #26, 28: In Cass' Batgirl run, Steph features as a prominent side character and their relationship is one of my absolute favourites. #26 is a Steph-centric issue where she fills in for Cass, and explores her insecurities in a really fascinating way. #28 is also a Steph highlight, showcasing her perseverance and why Cass is so impressed with her.

Solo (2004) #10: Not sure if it's in-continuity, but Damion Scott (Cass' co-creator) has a super fun story in here about Robin!Steph and Cass. Just really adorable and fun, and one of the best encapsulations of the Steph-Cass dynamic.

Batgirl (2009): Jumping over to Steph's Batgirl run, it does hit better if you've read Robin '93 but honestly it's good either way. Steph has so much personality in this run, it's incredibly fun and shows her humour, resilience, and heart, as well as some of her flaws. Really really worth reading!

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home: Batgirl: A Bruce-Steph story that may require some context, but it's probably the best Bruce and Steph reconciliation we'll ever get. Very interesting insights into how Bruce and Steph see each other, as well as a really iconic slap.

A general rec for Steph is Robin (1993), which is important for her Spoiler and Robin days (I assume this is the run you've tried though). Detective Comics (2016) is not really the best Steph portrayal, but it's far from the worst and has a really nice one panel about Robin!Steph.

I hope this helps!! Steph is an amazing character who deserves a lot more from both fandom and DC, so any interest in her is greatly appreciated :))).

[feastingonchrist]

you guys it was maybe a month ago i was SOBBING to God, not once but twice that week because i was struggling terribly with my social skills and feeling so insecure and embarrassed. I felt like i lost all my progress i had made over the past few years. to now in the past weeks i have felt so much more confident while talking to people, even people at work i barely even know and multiple people have told me they can see my personality coming through/i'm like a new person. that has blown me away!!! He is literally bringing me to life. ALL I DID WAS BEGIN GOING TO CHURCH AND ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE BEEN POURED OUT UPON ME! i decided to try and not overthink how i'm coming across and what i'm going to say and it's released the pressure off of me. i've surrendered that to God to handle because i didn't want to deal with it anymore and He has been taking care of it so fast. my confidence has grown so much in the shortest amount of time ever in my life. like He really meets me in the darkest places and soon after begins to move and renews my mind and Spirit and attitude and perspective on things. He has been in the process of helping me move through fear as i walk into it but continues to deliver me out of it into a better place. He is helping me with my endurance and it's made me to trust in Him in deeper ways. i've begun delighting in Him with tenderness and am soaking in His peace and it's been grounding. like i've entered a new layer of peace with Him and my gosh it's so gentle and tangible and i just want to stay there forever in that Presence sometimes. my spiritual discipline isn't the greatest at times and He's getting me there (Psalm 23:1-2 moment.) But my goodness it's wild to have gone from believing in Christ but not putting my faith to action to now doing exactly that and i have just been receiving blessing after blessing - whether it's spiritual (seeing grace everywhere) or relational (just people loving me like Jesus or enjoying my job and adoring going to church and talking to people every week as i practice my social skills.) I say this all the time "idk why all of a sudden He's decided to start blessing me in these ways and what did i do to deserve it?" i know i did nothing and that He has always loved me right where i'm at but it's interesting as i follow the patterns of these past few months and i can't help but wonder if it's all because i have been taking steps of faith into the unknown and it's tested my trust in Him and endurance in those "dim mirrors" as Paul would say which has brought me into closer communion with Christ and i've been able to "see more clearly" and understand things on a deeper spiritual level. idk but ugh HE IS SO GOOD I AM CONSTANTLY TOUCHED AND HE IS JUST DOING GREAT THINGS WITHIN ME AND THE OTHERS AROUND ME. I wish i could talk ab these things without sounding repetitive but i swear He is doing these things and having me learn them/lessons over and over again to show me that i can trust Him and work things out of me to bring the new in. i really do love Him so much my gosh i really do. This is the best season of my entire walk with Him since i got saved in 2021 nearly 4 whole yrs ago and i am trying to soak it all in and even process it!!!! so i share all of this on here bc it's a lil diary for me, i love to share what He's doing for me to show others He can do it for anyone and i want to give hope to others with my testimonies. i have had so many of these recently and it's made me so joyful 🥹

[pukefactory]

AM I LATE? OKAY OKAY COUGH UHHH IMMA TRY AND MAKE THIS QUICK.

Either Cosmo x Young (around 9?) sibling reader...Some Plot: not a lot of people like us since we act differently from their favorite and it continues to repeat into bulling for weeks and weeks until one day we come up crying to them and then we start to explain that we were getting bullied for just being different and go explaining what they did. Then Cosmo procedded to confront the person (not sure what you want but something like that and then Cosmo ends up reporting them to the handlers.

Im sorry if it's not clear but I hope this wasn't too late! It really just angst to fluff

Nope, you’re not late at all! This is a unique and intriguing prompt. It did challenge me a bit, but I hope it meets your expectations!

── ･ ｡ﾟ⟡ AND ONCE MORE ⟡ ˚｡ ･ ──

♫ Summary: Cosmo helps his bullied little sibling

♫ Character(s): Cosmo (Dandy’s World)

♫ Reader Pronouns: Non Specified

♫ Genre: Short Story, Angst, Comfort

♫ Word Count: 567

♫ Warning(s): Mentions of Bullying, Physical Abuse

You remember every name you’ve been called but how many times? You’ve lost count. It’s been more than enough. And every time you ask them why they’re so cruel, they just laugh in your face, calling you a freak, a no-show, a good-for-nothing weirdo—just because you’re different from the other toons. You don’t fit in.

According to them, there’s nothing special about you. That’s their excuse for treating you so horribly. And for a while, you believe them. Why wouldn’t you? If they keep pushing, shoving, and yelling, they must be right… right?

You endure their cruelty for weeks, letting them hurl insults and knock you around because you think you deserve it. But today, they take it too far. One of them shoves you to the ground, spitting out the same tired words you’ve heard a hundred times before. Then comes the first kick. Then another. And another. They don’t stop until they’ve had their fill and walk away, leaving you curled up in a ball, trembling and sobbing, trying to shield yourself from the pain.

The moment they’re gone, you scramble to your feet, ignoring the throbbing in your back, and run. Run to the one place you know is safe. Run to the one person who can help you.

Cosmo is in the kitchen, casually baking cupcakes—something he and Spout have done countless times. Lately, he’s always in the kitchen, experimenting with new recipes, even when his best friend isn’t around to help. He slides a tray into the preheated oven, wipes the sweat from his forehead, and then hears the front door creak open, followed by soft sniffles.

The second he sees you—his little sibling, tear-streaked and shaking—he rushes over, not caring about the batter-covered mess on his hands.

“Hey, what’s wrong, buddy?” His voice is gentle but filled with concern.

You sniffle, trying to wipe away your tears, but they keep falling no matter how hard you try. “They keep hurting me…”

“Who keeps hurting you?”

“A group of bullies.” You hiccup, voice breaking. “They keep hurting me because I’m a freak!”

Without hesitation, Cosmo pulls you into a warm hug, shushing you softly. “You’re not a freak. You never were, and you never will be.”

He rubs your back in slow, soothing circles, his embrace melting away some of the fear.

“How about we bake some cupcakes together? And after that…” He pulls back slightly, giving you a knowing look. “Would you mind showing me who those meanies are?”

You nod without hesitation. You trust him. You feel safe with him.

After sharing a fresh batch of cupcakes, you lead Cosmo to the ones who have been tormenting you for weeks. He sends you back to the kitchen with a simple request—to clean up a little while he handles things.

An hour passes before he finally returns, looking somewhere between satisfied and angry. As he steps inside, his eyes flick to the kitchen, clearly impressed by how spotless it is.

“What took you so long?” you ask.

“Oh, I was just dealing with those mean people.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing bad! I told the toon handlers everything, so they definitely won’t be bothering you anymore.”

You gasp, then throw your arms around him. “Thank you, Cosmo.”

“Of course. Anything for you, bud.” He hugs you back, a small smile on his face, relieved that you’re finally safe.

Everything will be okay now.

[anthromimicry]

[gen-is-gone]

Hmmmm...I will say people's reactions to chapter six so far have been interesting. And do imo betray exactly the bias in Stan’s favor that I sort of suspected fandom had.

[gilbirda]

the autistic urge to correct people online

*the gif of the guy vanishing into dust*

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

i have thought of 1 (one) pro to this whole housing situation and i’m clinging onto it for dear life

[racke7]

Got the results of the MRI.

No signs of anything bad.

Hmm...

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Dolly

pairing: hyunjin x afab!reader

synopsis: you feel lonely and buy a new sex doll on the market, not knowing what you got yourself into.

genre: smut, fluff, sci-fi

word count: 10.3k

warnings: alcohol, multiple sex scenes, unprotected sex, oral (f and m), squirting, creampies

a/n: spooktober continues🤭🫶🏻 if u love black mirror, these are vibes for u! also i'm sorry if the ending seems rushed but i have two more things to write for hyunjin before i continue with my spooktober🫠

!!! this fic has an ambiguous ending

~ divider by @bunnysrph

~ Masterlist

~ Dolly masterlist

Your cursor hovers over the 'continue to payment' button.

Are you really doing this?

It's embarassing enough that you can't get a date lately, and everyone around you keeps bugging you about it, asking when you're going to find a partner already.

Like you need one. You were perfectly fine alone.

But everyone has needs, and the ad for the new sex dolls that have just come out on the market looked enticing.

Each one of the new models was a unique one, only one of them made as it was sort of a trial run for them and your attention was captured by Hyunjin, the romantic doll.

It was expensive too, but you had money saved up on the side and thought, why not get something for your pleasure and try something new as well.

'Fuck it!', you thought and clicked on the button, purchasing the doll; there was no going back now.

Eagerly, you awaited the day it would be delivered to your door and three weeks later, there was a big box in the middle of your living room.

Biting on your lip, you stare at the box as your heartbeat quickens.

In the pictures, it looked so real. Like it was a real human being and to say you were a bit disturbed was an understatement.

But as freaky as it was, you were still so curios about it so you opened up the box slowly, your eyes wide for the peculiarity of it all. There were covers neatly placed over the doll, and bubble wrap just about everywhere, but on top of it all was a letter.

You opened it up and it read;

Hello,

my name is Hyunjin and I am your romantic doll.

I love art, good food and wine, long walks on the beach and heartwarming movies.

Please, treat me with great care as I am sensitive, and no matter what you do with me, always end it with cuddles.

Hope you come to love me as much as I already love you.

As you read that, you couldn't help being a little freaked out by the doll professing his love to you, but you had to remind yourself it's just the creators of it who wrote the letter, making the concept more real and human to give some kind of comfort to the buyer and personality to the doll.

Taking a deep breath, you remove all the bubble wrap and slide off the cover.

"Oh." you gasp loudly, your hand slapped on your mouth as you finally see the doll.

He looks too real to be just a doll and for a second you just stare into his eyes, unmoving but somehow warm, his facial features chiseled to perfection, his lips plump and inviting.

Your eyes travel down to see he was dressed in a nice button up, intricate flower patterns sewn into the material, coupled with nice pants and even some very expensive looking shoes.

The doll had jewelry on, his nails were painted, there was so much detail on it; he even had a mole under his eye. You marvelled at the dedication of the people who made it and obviously put a lot of though into Hyunjin.

You notice then that there is a note sticking out of the shirt's pocket and you carefully pick it up.

My love!

I got dressed for our first date!

Hopefully you like it and enjoy our first romantic night together.

"Wow, they really went all out with this." you say out loud as you look at the doll, the next question forming in your mind.

How heavy is the doll?

You spend a few more minutes just examining it with your eyes, too nervous to touch it and you can't get over the way it looks just like a real human being.

You rest your hand on the box, your fingertips gently grazing the doll's cheek.

"Oh!" you gasp, retracting your hand. It feels like real skin and with wide eyes your hand moves closer to his face again, your palm pressing slowly against his cheek.

"Are you alive?" you chuckle to yourself but the doll doesn't answer or move at all, just as you expected.

Your fingers slowly explore the doll's face, his lips are plushy and they seem actually kissable, the material they used, whatever it was, made it seem like they were real human lips.

You lean in closer to take a better look into his eyes, your hand coming up to play with locks of dark hair, which again, seems like real hair, the little curls are soft to the touch and bounce back as you pull on them gently.

Now you're leaning so close to him, and you can smell the nice, comforting scent radiating off of the doll. You've no idea what they used, but he smells fresh and flowery.

"Okay, let's get you out of the box." you lean back and hook your hands under the doll's arms before making it sit up.

His head falls to the side a little, making you feel a bit creeped out because it really seemed like you were handling a dead person instead of an actual doll, but the only indication that it wasn't a dead human is the lightness of it.

He wasn't as light as a feather but he wasn't as heavy as dead weight either.

"Maybe the couch?" you talk to yourself as you look over to your comfy couch, the pillows fluffed up already and a soft blanket thrown over it.

Somehow, thankfully to your regular exercise, you manage to lift the doll into your arms and carry him to the couch.

The way he slumps when you put him down, again freaks you out a little, but for some weird reason you're even more interested in how you can actually use the doll.

You prop him to sit nicely and turn on the tv to some art channel, remembering how the doll 'said' that he likes art.

"I hope that's what you enjoy." you shrug and throw the fluffy blanket over the doll's legs, folding his soft hands into his lap, before you go back to the box to find the manual.

"Here it is." you dig out the booklet and start reading.

They listed the materials but you still had no idea what they were so it flew over your head. There was also a page with pictures of the other dolls and the makers' letter to the customers, thanking them for purchasing the doll.

Flipping the pages, you find what you were looking for.

Your face becomes red as you read the doll's 'abilites', including that his thing can vibrate and cum, he reacts to your touch and that he has a usb charger that gets plugged into the back of his neck.

"W-wow." you nod to yourself as you keep reading until you flip to the last page.

WARNING!

If there are any malfunctions with any part of the doll, please contact our services.

The doll can bathe in water except the charger opening so be aware of that.

Please do not disfigure or mutilate the doll.

Do not throw the doll into the trash.

Do not break, bruise or cut the doll.

If you're not satisfied, you can always return it to us and get your money back.

If you've purchased our Hyunjin doll, do not be too harsh on him considering he's sensitive.

Hope you enjoy the romantic soul you chose!

Bruise? The doll can bruise?

Why are they talking about it like it's alive?

You gulp and turn to look at the couch but the doll is unmoving, turned towards the tv, same position as before.

You peek back into the big box to find another, smaller box inside it, that was beneath the doll's feet earlier.

You carefully take it out, putting it on the floor and opening it curiously.

Inside, you found a change of clothes, more casual looking ones and something to be used as sleep wear. It was like getting a Barbie doll with all her outfits when you were a kid.

So bizzare, yet it made you feel excited in a way.

After getting up, you decide to clean up the mess you made with the bubble wrap and put the box away in your closet, just in case, if you ever wanted to return him.

"Okay." you nod and come back to peek at the doll.

The television screen reflects in his eyes, his hands crossed in his lap, just how you left him and relief washes over you.

Why are you even scared?

You shake your head and decide to prepare lunch.

You're in your kitchen, listening to some slow music as you cook, completely forgetting about the doll sitting in your living room.

That is, until the volume of the tv suddenly increases making you jolt and gasp.

Your back straightens as you turn off the stove.

Slowly turning around, you stare at the direction the sound is coming from.

You swallow and make your way to your couch, you don't know what to expect but the doll is still in the same position you left it, the tv remote is out of his reach, down on the coffee table.

You grab it and decrease the volume before looking back at the doll.

"If that wasn't you, we have ghosts in this apartment. But if it was you, you're obviously wanting my attention." you cross your arms as you stare at him.

Nothing.

"Fine, I will eat lunch with you." you declare before going back to the kitchen to get yourself food.

You mostly eat in front of your tv anyways, not caring about any rules since you live alone, enjoying the freedom it brings you.

Settling down next to Hyunjin, you pull the blanket over your legs too and start eating.

You chuckle to yourself, if someone saw you right now, they'd think you're absolutely insane, sitting down next to an inanimate doll that looks eerily human.

You take a peek at Hyunjin, sighing as he sits still.

"You do look alive. But I'm literally talking to myself." you say and of course get no answer.

Shrugging, you continue about your day, washing dishes and doing laundry, enjoying your selfcare routine after getting your apartment in order, your Hyunjin doll observing your movements from the couch.

In the evening hours, you finally come back to him.

"Are you tired of being in the same position?" you ask, knowing there will be no answer.

"We can have dinner now." you add and leave to the kitchen to bring out some food and a bottle of wine.

"This is insane. Top 5 weirdest things I've done." you talk to yourself as you look down at your black satin nightgown, with lace details on the top, perfectly resting on your chest. "Maybe it even takes up the first place."

You settle next to Hyunjin once again, changing his position a little as you fill up two glasses of wine.

"Our first date, I guess?" you sigh with a chuckle before drinking the wine.

His glass stands full on the coffee table, untouched as you start eating next to him once again.

"I guess I should tell you a bit about myself. I work in an office. I hate my job but it pays the bills." you say, "I always wanted to be in a band though. Played guitar in high school. Never got too far with that. I love art too, you know, any shape or form of it. Maybe that's why I chose you. You seem like an artist. Or you would be if you were real, ha." you chuckle, yapping away as you keep drinking the wine, the doll listening to you without moving.

You keep pouring the wine into both his and your glass but it's only you drinking from both glasses.

It gives you a nice buzz, warmness that spreads through your body and manifests itself between your legs.

Usually, you'd play with your vibrator or dildo but seeing as you got a literal sex doll, you thought you should use him for the purpose he's made for.

"Now, what do I do with you?" you smirk, your hand coming up to play with the doll's hair, twirling the lock in your fingers.

"I mean, I can do anything I want." you nod, scooting closer to the doll.

"I feel fucking crazy." you laugh, pulling the covers off of Hyunjin.

Your hand is pressed on his thigh as you touch him gently through his clothes, your mind still marvelling at the fact that he feels like a real human being.

"I'm curious." you whisper, your fingertip playing with the button of his shirt, wanting to see what he looks like underneath the nice clothes they made him wear.

Slowly, you start unbuttoning the doll, taking your time with it, as anticipation builds up, creating a swirl of excitement inside you.

When you pop open the last button, you open up the shirt and gasp.

"Wow." you lick your lips at the sight, the doll's nipples look aroused, his stomach is toned, it looks like there's a vein leading down into his pants making your eyes fall down at his crotch.

You still have no idea how they made him look so real but you're eager to explore, planting your hands on his chest, running them up and down to his stomach, tracing the vein with your fingertips.

You run your hands back up to his nipples and flick them gently with your thumb before pinching them experimentally.

Gasping, you notice a growing bulge in the doll's pants.

"Am I pushing the right buttons?" you chuckle at your own joke as you continue playing with his nipples.

Your impatience however doesn't let you stall for too long, so your hands make their way down to the hem of his pants.

"Let's see." with a smirk you unbutton and unzip his pants, pulling them down with a little struggle as you have to lift him up a little.

You place your hands on his thighs, squeezing the flesh a little, watching as his cock twitches like he was really alive.

"You really do react to touch." you gasp in wonder, what kind of technology was this?

They even put underwear on him which you think is a nice touch but at this point, you were too curious not to slide them off immediately.

"Woah!" you gasp as his cock springs free of its confines.

You think it's the biggest and most beautiful cock you've ever seen, framed by a neatly cut bush, a visible vein running up the whole length.

You stare at it for a little while before you wrap your hand around it, your other hand fondling his balls.

It feels real once again, like he's throbbing and twitching, hot and heavy on your palm, a bead of precum at the tip.

"What in the hell?" you mumble, your finger swiping at the tip as you gather the liquid and bring it to your lips.

You suck your finger into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it and tasting the sweetness of the doll.

How he tasted so sweet was beyond you.

"Fuck it." you chuckle, pulling off your nightgown and tossing it aside, which leaves you completely naked like the doll is.

"I didn't even kiss you. Not very romantic of me." you smirk as you throw your leg over Hyunjin, sitting in his lap, your wet folds pressed against his cock.

You lean in and press a kiss to his lips, and of course the doll doesn't kiss back but his lips move with your movement and it feels good as you grind on his hard length.

"Look at you. Letting me do all the work like all the rest of them." you scoff with a smirk and at that, the doll's cock twitches a little too hard against you, almost pushing inside you.

"Wow. Someone's excited." you stare at the doll's eyes but there is nothing in there to indicate that he was in fact listening to you.

"For how much you cost, I hope this is worth it." you shrug and grip the base of his cock, guiding it inside you.

Sitting down on his length has you gasping as he fills you up perfectly, like his cock was made exactly for your pussy to take.

Your grip the doll's shoulders and use it for what you intended to when you clicked on that purchase button.

No matter how turned on you are though, staring at Hyunjin's almost expressionless face proves to be a turn off so you lean forward, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you press your chest to his and continue bouncing on him.

Save for the fact that his hands lay limp on the side, his skin feels human and he feels kind of warm, like there was something inside the doll, warming it up.

"F-fuck." you whimper as the head of his cock brushes against the spongy spot inside you, it's like the more wet you get and the harder you fuck on him, his cock responds to you.

"R-right hand for activation." you repeat the instruction from the manual, as you blindly search for his right hand, sliding your fingertips on his wrist to his palm, your head leaned on his shoulder as you slowly gyrate your hips.

Your fingers interlace with his and it feels almost like Hyunjin grips your hand back, making you jump a little but before you can move away, his cock starts vibrating inside you.

"A-ah!" you moan loudly as your other arm curls around him, holding onto him while you fiddle with his fingers, your legs clamping around him as you start falling apart.

"G-gonna cum!" you whimper, burying your face in Hyunjin's neck and he smells so nice, feels so good as his cock keeps vibrating against your spot, bringing you to your high quickly.

The ecstasy you feel as the vibrations persist, prolonging your orgasm, overstimulating you while you ride the feeling makes you miss the single blink that Hyunjin's eyes make before returning to their original glassy and unmoving state.

"Too much." you whimper, squeezing his thumb and the vibrations stop.

You know that the left hand brings a happy end to the doll but you're not sure if you're done with it yet.

Leaning back to finally look at his face has you a little disappointed as you don't notice any kind of change on his face.

"Kinda wish you were real." you whisper, hugging the doll as you start bouncing on his hard cock again, bringing yourself easily to another orgasm.

You squeeze the doll's left hand after that, and feel spurts of warm cum shooting inside you as his cock twitches, the head bruising against your spot violently as he fills you up with copious amounts of the sticky substance.

You're pretty sure the neighbors can hear you moan as you cum again, the feeling of being filled up to the brim satisfies you and has your eyes rolling in the back of your head.

"Wow." you breathe hard, your cheek leaned on Hyunjin's shoulder as you grip his wrists while you come down.

You lean back to look at the doll again.

Were his lips slightly upturned before?

In the fogginess of your orgasms, you couldn't tell or think straight.

"Be right back." you slide off of him and make your way to the bathroom, taking a quick five minute shower before you grab a wet cloth to clean the doll up.

He sits how you left him, and you kneel between his legs to clean him up carefully.

His cock is not completely soft nor hard anymore, it's somewhere in the middle, but as you touch it gently, it seems to react and twitch again.

"You came already." you smirk and experimentally pinch the tip of Hyunjin's cock, but nothing happens except the member twitching again.

You stand up with a sigh, covering him with the blanket again before you leave for the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Just as you turn on the water to wash your mouth out, you hear something akin to a sigh coming from your living room.

You freeze, turning off the water and listening closely but you only hear the quiet buzz of the lamp above your mirror.

Maybe you were just imagining things.

You shake your head and finish your business before going back to Hyunjin.

"I'm too tired to dress you now, but boxers should be enough." you say and struggle to get him dressed, almost giving up during the process.

"I should just keep you naked in my bed to avoid the hassle." you say, lifting him up and carrying him to your bed.

"Cuddles, right? I do love me some cuddles too." you say with a tired smile as you adjust Hyunjin in your bed.

You join him under the covers and lean on your elbow as you lay sideways, staring down at him.

"How'd they make you look and feel so real?" your hand is on his cheek, and you trace his eyebrows, his nose and lips.

Fingertips travel to his ears, down to his neck and his chest.

"Don't come alive and scare me while I'm sleeping, Hyunjin." a shadow passes in his eyes as you say his name but you're too busy caressing his toned stomach to notice.

"Night." you kiss his lips before turning off the lamp and laying your head on his shoulder.

Somehow, you adjust his arms so that it seems like he's holding you and you throw your leg over his, your hand tracing patterns on his chest and side.

It was like hugging and kissing your pillow in high school, except this one took the shape of a human being.

With thoughts and questions about Hyunjin swimming in your head, you fall asleep quickly, not noticing how the doll's arms tighten around you ever so slightly.

Early in the morning as your alarm starts blaring loudly and annoyingly, you groan and stir, almost forgetting about Hyunjin being next to you.

"Oh!" you gasp. "Good morning, dolly." you say after turning the alarm off, as he stares at the ceiling.

"Sadly, I gotta go to work and leave you here alone. You better behave while I'm out." you lift a finger up menacingly, but there's a playful smile on your face.

"Man, I'm crazy." you shake your head before leaning in to leave a nice, wet smooch on Hyunjin's cheek.

"I'll come say bye before I leave."

And you do so, after eating breakfast and getting ready, you're back in your room.

"Should I put you in the living room so you can watch tv?"

The doll never answers.

"Maybe, yeah. You'll be bored lying in bed all day." you nod and carry Hyunjin to your couch.

You make him comfy, cover him with the blanket, card your fingers through his messy hair and then turn on the tv, leaving the remote in his lap.

"Gonna be late because of you." you sigh and lean down to place a kiss on the doll's lips.

"Be a good doll."

And with that you finally leave your apartment.

All day at work, you can't help but wonder if your Hyunjin doll somehow came alive, and for some reason you were looking forward to seeing him even if he didn't.

"What's got you so happy? Finally got laid?" your coworker chuckles as you stand in the office kitchen making yourself some coffee, you know she always gossips about you behind your back so you don't wanna give her the time of the day.

"Mind your business, Amanda." you answer quickly, turning to leave back to your office.

"Okay, you didn't then." she calls behind you with a giggle but you decide to ignore her.

"Fucking bitch." you mutter to yourself as you close the door.

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully and you can't wait to drive back home to Hyunjin.

"I'm home!" you yell out as soon as you step inside, hearing that the tv is still on, nothing out of the ordinary.

You make your way to your living room to find Hyunjin in the exact same position as you left him almost 9 hours ago, the remote still next to his right hand, the same channel you turned on this morning on the tv.

For some reason, your shoulders slump.

"Well, I guess you've been a good doll and took my warning literally." you shrug a little.

"Still, I want to reward you. As soon as I eat and take a nap that is." you add and go about your routine, eating lunch, taking a shower and of course changing into your comfy clothes, which at this time of the year consisted of an oversized t-shirt and panties.

"Let's take a nap together, dolly." you say to Hyunjin as you lift him up and move him to your bed again.

You lay him on his side, then mirror his position, taking his arm and wrapping it around your waist, the other comfortably under your neck.

Tracing patterns on his stomach and chest again, you start talking.

"Your life is so easy. From the couch to the bed, you don't even have to work or go anywhere. Meanwhile, I have to endure fucking Amanda every day at work. Do you have any idea how bitchy that woman is?", you talk as you cuddle your doll. "She has to know eeeeverything about eeeeeveryone. Soon, she'll crawl up my ass just to look at my insides."

You look at Hyunjin's face and for a moment it seems as if his eyes moved.

"Are you listening to me, perhaps?" you whisper, your hand on his cheek. "I know I'm probably crazy. But I'm glad I got you. Even though you're a bit creepy, you bring me comfort." you add, tucking your head into his neck.

"I'm gonna sleep now."

Slowly blinking your eyes awake, you feel warmness enveloping you that's not coming just from your blanket but from Hyunjin.

Quickly, you realize that somehow his thigh ended up pressed against your core, your leg thrown over him as you scooted closer to him in sleep.

"Oh." a little sound escapes your lips as you grind against his warm thigh, feeling wetness on your panties.

Before looking up at him, you press a kiss to his collarbone and it seems like his thigh moves against you once, making you jolt.

"Hey." you look up at him, but his eyes are unmoving as always.

You observe his face but the throbbing between your legs makes you grind against him again.

"F-feels good." you whimper, leaning in and kissing him, letting your tongue dart out and lick at the plump lips.

You feel his erection press against your other thigh, the one flush against him and you chuckle a little.

"Someone likes me a lot." you say, leaning back to look at him.

It looks like there's a small smile on his face that you swear wasn't there before.

"Hm." you squint your eyes as you stop your movements.

"Gotta try something." you declare after a moment of silence, lifting up and removing the blanket.

You push Hyunjin on his back, hooking your fingers in his boxers and pulling them off of him.

"Aw, you really do like me a lot." you smirk at the sight of the doll's cock, twitching and leaking again like it did yesterday.

"I'll give you some attention, you deserved it."

You spread his legs, adjusting them so you can kneel between his thighs and you lean down.

"I haven't done this in a while. You can't complain though." you chuckle a little as you grip his cock and let your tongue dart out, catching the sweet tasting precum with it.

You don't understand how he tastes so sweet, it's hard to put your finger on what exactly the taste is but it makes you want more so you swirl your tongue around his head, your moans muffled as you swallow the sweet liquid.

"Mm. Fuck you taste good." you whine and put your lips around him again, slowly taking more of him in as you bob your head up and down.

Sucking cock like that is not your favorite thing to do, sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable but having Hyunjin be so still and so tasty has your arousal pooling on your panties and you keep wanting more.

You take as much as you can, coating his cock in your saliva, your tongue pressing along his vein as you fondle his balls has him twitching inside you.

You smirk and grip his left hand, spurts of hot cum hitting your throat and it tastes even sweeter than before as you whimper and swallow everything.

"Damn hot." you whine, quickly getting rid of your shirt and panties, before you take his now completely wet cock in your hand and start jerking him off to make him hard for you again.

It doesn't take long to excite the doll and you decide to turn your back to him and fuck on his cock like that so that you don't have to look into his lifeless eyes while pleasing yourself.

You sit on him and push his cock inside yourself, your warm cunt engulfing his entire length easily.

"Mm." you gyrate your hips as you close your eyes and enjoy teasing yourself, your wet pussy coating his navel and balls.

"God, you're perfect Hyunjin." you whine and start fucking on him.

In the deep throes of passion as you bounce on him, your nails digging into his thighs for support, your eyes closed in pure bliss, you don't notice anything.

You don't notice Hyunjin blinking, his lips opening to speak but nothing comes out.

He can't move no matter how hard he tries and once again his eyes go back to the glassy state they're always in.

"Gonna cum." you whine loudly, gripping his right hand and he starts vibrating inside you, pushing you over the edge and making you scream as you squirt all over him.

"Fuck." you whine as your eyes focus, noticing you have left red marks in his thighs.

"Oh. Did I hurt you?" you gasp, your fingertips gently running over the marks.

"Didn't mean to." you look back at him but he lays still.

His cock twitches inside you and you grip his left hand, making the doll fill you up as you slowly ride him.

You lift up slowly, his cum sliding down your inner thigh together with your release.

"Made a mess of you, dolly." you look at the state of him.

"Maybe a bath?" he doesn't answer but still you prepare a bath and place him in it, careful of the usb opening on his neck.

You get inside after him, settling between his legs and leaning your back on his chest.

"Why are you so warm, Hyunjin?" you caress his arm as you hold it, his other one thrown over your stomach.

Sighing, you lean on his shoulder and close your eyes, trying to relax in the warm water, as Hyunjin 'held' you.

You still couldn't understand how they made him, but you were willing not to think about that, as he brought you a kind of comfort you didn't expect, making you wanna indulge in that feeling for as long as you could.

It's been exactly two months since you've gotten your Hyunjin doll, and ever since then you've loved spending every day with him.

You talked to him like he was alive, you watched movies with him, you read him books, you slept next to him every single night, you brought him to the kitchen so he can watch you cook, you even took him on late night drives sometimes, feeling bad that he was locked up in the apartment all day.

Sometimes, you thought you saw a flicker in his eyes, a slight smile on his face, or his fingers twitching against his thighs.

Some nights, while you're half asleep, you could swear that he tightened his hold on you or his chest lifted up and down like he was breathing.

Some days, as you'd come home from work you found him in a slightly different position than you left him.

One time, you sat him next to the window so you could watch rain together, and when you came back from making some tea, there was a heart shape in the fog on the glass.

"Did you do this dolly?" you caress his hair and look at him closely but he doesn't react.

You sigh, tracing another heart next to the first one before you sit in his lap, bringing the warm cup to your lips and observing him.

You thought you were going crazy in the beginning but as time passed by, you were becoming sure that there was more to Hyunjin than you initially knew.

"Just say something if you can hear me. Or squeeze my hand." you try for the nth time as you sit on your couch with Hyunjin but nothing happens.

"Fine." you huff. "Maybe you want something first. What would you like? I bought you new clothes. Maybe you want something else like... like something to do with art? We can paint together, if you'd like."

Hyunjin doesn't answer.

Nevertheless, you bring your art supplies and a bottle of wine.

You make yourself comfortable on the floor, next to Hyunjin's legs as he sits on the couch.

You end up being the one painting and drinking, Hyunjin's eyes move to look down at you, the look in his eyes softens, unlike the glassy one he always has.

He wants to talk, he wants to lean over and caress your hair, he wants to taste the wine off of your lips and feel the paintbrush between his fingertips.

But he can't. His eyes become glassy again as your phone rings, jolting you out of your peaceful activity.

It's your mother.

The conversation starts as always and it escalates into a fight of when are you settling down, why aren't you married, why are you closing yourself off, why are you such a failure?

As soon as you hang up a sob escapes your lips and you fall into Hyunjin, seeking comfort as you wrap your limbs around him, your face buried in his neck and your hot tears sliding down from your cheeks to his shirt, soaking it up.

"No one would understand." you cry. "They'd say I'm crazy and maybe I am. But I don't give a fuck."

Your body trembles against Hyunjin as you hiccup and sniffle, your arms wrapped tightly around his waist, your leg thrown over his thighs.

His body seems warmer than before and you squeeze him a little.

"Maybe I'm fucking crazy for loving a doll. But I love you Hyunjin." you sigh, closing your eyes as you lean against him.

His eyelids flutter a few times. He blinks.

A deep breath through his nose and you almost miss the way his chest moves up.

You place your hand on his chest, and feel it.

A heart beat slowly forming, at first almost too slow to be normal until it becomes steady and then speeds up.

He's breathing, his lips are dry as he licks at them, his hands clutch onto you and you scream.

You jump up quickly, your eyes wide as you look at him.

Hyunjin looks back up at you, his eyes wide and filled with fear and shock, mirroring yours.

He opens his mouth and a series of coughs escape his lips.

"Wh- How? Am I hallucinating?"

"Y- y/n." is the first thing he says, weakly and quietly as he reaches out for you.

You stay still as a statue, not sure what the hell is happening before your eyes.

"P-please, don't be scared." he begs as he tries to get up but his legs give out and he falls to the floor with a thud.

"Ugh." he whimpers, his hands grabbing at the coffee table.

You're slow to react to him falling from the shock of it all, making your way back to him cautiously.

"Did you hurt yourself?" you ask quietly.

"N-no, I don't think so." he says as he looks up at you.

"Who- who are you?" you don't know what else to ask, because the doll you used and played with was now a human with a heartbeat and he was looking at you, even knew your name.

"What do you mean? I'm- I'm Hyunjin, your romantic doll." he answers like it's the most normal thing ever.

"How are you alive? Why now all of a sudden? I don't get it." you say as he sits back on his legs.

"You... You love me. Your love brought me to life." he swallows, his cheeks rosy.

"Oh... There was nothing about this in the manual." The fucking manual. The doll's actual purpose. Everything you ever did to him. Embarassment washes over you and you feel absolutely mortified.

"Do you... did you hear me all this time? And um, see and feel what I was doing?"

"Y-yeah." he nods, his cheeks becoming even more red.

"Fucking hell." you whine, covering your face with your hands as you sit on the couch.

"Hey, it's okay. I- I was made for that." he says, his hand on your knee in an attempt to comfort you.

You peek at him through your fingers.

"And you were so nice to me. So... warm and loving. You made me feel so good. You never mistreated me even when you knew very well you could do whatever you want with me. I'm thankful for that. And I- I love you too, y/n." Hyunjin talks, his thumb gently caressing your skin.

"Are you programmed to say stuff like that? Are you a robot?"

He chuckles.

"I'm not programmed and I'm not a robot. Didn't you feel my heart beating?"

"I did but... I don't understand. How were you made?" you finally remove your hands from your face.

"I don't know. I wish I could answer your questions but I'm as clueless as you are. I just know I was conscious the whole time while I was with you but I couldn't speak or move. Like I was paralyzed. It was horrible. I tried giving you signs, I tried to talk multiple times but it's like something would hold me back, like there was a wall and I couldn't break through."

"That does sound horrible. I'm sorry if I ever did something you wouldn't agree to." you say quietly, your face burning in embarassment.

"No, no, I liked everything you did." he says with a sheepish smile, averting his eyes. "Wish I could reciprocate." he looks up at you through his lashes.

You're biting on your lip nervously, his hand reaches for you and you accidentally snatch yours away, not used to your doll talking to you and trying to touch you.

"A-are you gonna abandon me now?" he asks quietly as he eyes your hand.

"What?" you look back at him to see that his eyes are watery and you gasp. "No, of course not! I always wished you'd come to life. Didn't think it would actually happen so I'm still processing and hoping that I'm not dreaming."

"Oh, thank god." he exhales and you let him grab your hand. "I- uhm... I'm very hungry and thirsty. Could you help me with that?"

"Oh! Of course! I will make some dinner for us." you say and help him sit up on the couch, noticing that now he's heavier than he used to be.

"I guess I still need to get feeling in my legs and arms." he says as you bring him a glass of water.

"Mhm, probably you need to have blood pumping properly through your body. Don't worry." you pet his hair as he drinks and he looks at you.

"Here, you'll be warm like this." you wrap him up in your fluffy blanket and notice a change on the back of his neck.

"Oh!" you exclaim, your fingertips touching the skin there, making Hyunjin shiver a little.

"The usb opening is gone." you declare and he brings his hand to touch it, your fingertips grazing against each other.

"That's weird." he says absentmindedly.

"All of this is weird." you chuckle and he chuckles with you, making you look at him.

God, he's even more beautiful with a smile gracing his face, you think to yourself.

Without thinking your hands gently cup his cheeks.

"You're really alive." you whisper, your thumbs gently stroking his face, his eyes flutter as he pushes into your hands.

"I am. Does that make you happy?" he asks with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Very happy." you nod with a smile, leaning closer to him.

"Good. I want to make you happy. When you're happy, I'm happy too."

"Hyunjinnie." you whine against his lips and kiss him gently.

Having him kiss back as he clutches at your shirt is the sweetest thing ever, you think as you wrap your arms around his shoulders.

"Okay, I don't want you to starve now that you came to life." you lean back with a chuckle as he chases your lips.

"Yeah, please, I need food." he nods and you make your way to the kitchen, whipping up a quick dinner, checking constantly if he's okay.

You bring two plates as soon as you're done and Hyunjin's eyes seem to get bigger as soon as they land on the food.

"Be careful, it's still hot." you warn him.

"Okay." Hyunjin nods.

He eats happily, asking for more which you of course bring to him.

"Are you feeling better?" you ask when the two of you finish eating.

"Yes, much better. But I feel very tired now."

"You need sleep. Let's go to bed. Do you think you can walk now?"

"I think so." you grab his arm and help him become steady on his feet.

You lead him to the bathroom and he looks at you.

"Now that you're alive, you need to brush your teeth and wash up before bed."

"Right." he nods.

After a whole ordeal of getting ready, you finally plop down under the covers.

"Can I- Can I hold you?" Hyunjin asks sweetly and you chuckle, rolling your body into his.

"Of course."

"Always wanted to do that." his limbs wrap around you as he holds you tightly, your face buried in his chest.

"Good night, Hyunjin. Please be there when I wake up." you nuzzle into him, inhaling the familiar fresh and flowery scent of him.

"I promise I will. Good night, y/n."

It wasn't a dream.

Your eyes flutter open and Hyunjin smiles at you fondly, his hand gently caressing your cheek.

"Morning, dol- Hyunjin."

"You can call me dolly if that's what you like." he smirks and you chuckle.

"Eh, well you're human now. It feels like I'm degrading you." you gently touch his chest.

"I don't mind." he shifts and you feel his erection press against your thigh.

You gasp a little, your core throbbing with want.

"I'm sorry." his face is red instantly. "It's just- when you touch me... I can't help it."

"It's okay, Hyunjinnie." you slide your hand down to cup him through his boxers.

He whimpers, leaning into you, his eyes fluttering shut and you press your lips on his in a heated kiss.

His tongue licks at your lower lip and you let him in, eager to finally feel his kisses how you craved to.

Hyunjin kisses you messily and hungrily, grinding into your hand, grunting against your lips.

As soon as you slide off his boxers, automatically your hands lift up to push him on his back but he grabs your wrists gently to stop you.

"My sweet girl, let me take care of you how you deserve now that I'm able to." he rasps, his eyes hooded as he looks at you with lust.

"O-okay." you whisper and lay down on your back, letting Hyunjin slide your panties off as you pull off your shirt and toss it somewhere aside.

"I've spent so much time receiving. I want to give, my angel. My hands hurt when I couldn't touch you and make you feel good. That's all I want to do." he sounds desperate as his lips attach to your neck, leaving wet kisses on your skin, his hands roaming on your body and settling on your breasts.

"Mm, make me feel good, Jinnie." you whimper as he squeezes your breasts, massaging them and moaning against your skin like it was more pleasurable to him than to you.

He mumbles sweet praises as he leaves more kisses that lead to your nipple, his tongue darting out to swirl around it, making you arch into him.

His eyes are dark as he wraps his lips around it and starts sucking, his other hand sliding down to grip your inner thigh.

Fingertips ghost on your skin, both his hands now spreading your legs apart.

"Do you know how much I longed to taste your sweet nectar? Will you let me drink from you, my angel?" Hyunjin asks, his finger gently pressing into your clit, circling it.

"Yes, please, oh my god." you whimper, your hips lifting up into his touch.

He smirks, trailing kisses down to your core.

He stops for a moment to admire you and you don't even have time to feel self-conscious as he spreads your pussy lips apart and leans in to stick his tongue inside you.

"F-fuck!" you jolt as he starts moving it before he leans back a little and licks at your sensitive clit.

"Taste even sweeter than I imagined." he moans, his lips wrapping around your clit as he sucks on it, his thumbs gently caressing your pussy lips.

"H-H-Hyunjin!" you whimper as he sucks harder, your hips lifting up in pleasure.

"Could be here for hours. Eating this sweet pussy out." he moans, pushing his tongue inside you again, this time fucking you faster, his nose giving the perfect pressure on your sensitive nub and driving you crazy.

Your hand grips his hair, pushing him more into you as he skilfully moves his tongue, his lips pressing into your lower ones as he makes out with you.

Your orgasm washes over you quickly, coating Hyunjin's face and he laps it all up greedily, his eyes shut as he whimpers into you, sending vibrations right into your core.

You feel crazy with desire the more he continues eating you out like a man starved and you have to grip his hair and pull him away after he gives you two more orgasms.

"H-Hyune, please, I need your cock." you whimper, feeling like you're falling apart.

He licks at his red lips, his eyes crazed with lust he feels for you.

"Anything my angel needs." his voice is husky as he leans over you, the tip of his cock pressed against your wet, messy cunt.

He pushes in with ease, after all, you've been fucking on him for the last two months, your pussy was used to the stretch.

"Mm, Hyunjin!" that doesn't make it feel less pleasurable when he fills you up, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix.

"Move, please." you whimper, already feeling out of it.

Hyunjin grips your thighs and starts fucking you at a steady pace, his cock dragging against your walls deliciously, sliding easily through your wetness.

"Feel so good. So warm. Just for me." he whimpers, his eyes fluttering shut before they open again and look down where his cock disappears inside you.

"Just for you, Jinnie." you moan and he looks up at you, a smile on his face.

He leans closer to you, wrapping his arms around you and in turn you wrap yours around his shoulders, bringing your bodies flush together as he buries himself deep inside your heat.

He ruts into you desperately, your lips meeting in messy kisses, spit dribbles down your chin and he licks at it, kissing your jaw and your neck wetly.

"P-please tell me you love me." he whimpers in your ear, holding you tightly as he fucks you harder, only taking a little bit of his length out and shoving it back in with force that has your mind spinning.

"I love you, Hyunjin. I love you. So much." you cry happy tears, making him cry too as you clutch onto each other.

"My angel, I love you more than anything." he says as he kisses you, his tongue playing with yours.

He brings you to another orgasm, his fingers on your nipples, pinching and pulling as he keeps rutting into you desperately.

"C-can I cum?" he whimpers, his hands gripping desperately at your waist.

"Yeah." you nod quickly and he gives you his left hand to squeeze and as your fingers entwine, he cums, filling you up endlessly, more than when he was just doll and you whimper as your legs clamp around him, lifting your middle into him and cumming with him again.

Both of you breathe hard as he stays inside you for a moment, before pulling out and watching his cum drip out of you.

"D-do I still have to squeeze your left hand for you to cum?" you chuckle a little.

"No, just... force of habit, I guess." he says sheepishly like he didn't just fuck your brains out.

"What about the vibrations?"

"You really liked that, didn't you?" he smirks, his hand sliding up your thigh tentatively, before his fingers slide between your folds, playing with the wetness.

"Shut up." you say embarassingly, swatting his hand away.

"Don't worry, I can vibrate if you want." he bites on his lip as he looks at you.

"I'm too sensitive now." you whisper and he chuckles.

"I know. Usually you don't go above four, five orgasms in one sitting. Maybe six if you're extra horny."

"It's embarassing to me that you know this in such detail." your face becomes red as Hyunjin chuckles, shaking his head.

"Nothing you should be embarassed about. I'm happy to please you." he says and leans down to kiss you gently.

You pull him into your embrace, hoping that from now on, he stays human, and keeps loving you because in this moment you can't imagine your life without Hyunjin in it.

"Thank you for letting me use your painting supplies." Hyunjin smiles up at you as he sits on the floor of your living room, like you always did when you painted.

"Don't thank me, Jinnie. What's mine is yours." you smile as you sit next to him and lean in closer.

"Let me see." you say as he looks down sheepishly.

He pushes the sketchbook towards you and you gasp.

"Hyunjin, this is amazing! How did you manage to paint so well?! And you painted me! That's so sweet."

"I- I don't know. As I started, it's like I got déjà vu, like I already did this before and many times so."

"Really? That's peculiar." you say.

"Maybe we should call the company I got you from." you add, tapping your chin.

"P-please don't!" Hyunjin panics, gripping at your thigh. "I'm scared. I don't know why but when I try to think of that place, it feels bad. Please don't call them. I don't want them to take me away from you."

"Hey, hey, it's okay. No one will take you away from me. I won't call them." you quickly grab his face to calm him down.

"You promise?" his pupils shake as he looks at you.

"I promise." you nod and kiss him sweetly to let him know he can trust you.

Hyunjin visibly relaxes with your touch, wrapping his arms around you and tucking his face in your neck.

"Um... could we go outside? We only ever went on night drives which is understandable but now that I can walk and stuff, we could go out on real dates and maybe visit museums?" he looks up at you with a smile.

"Of course! Anywhere you want to go." you smile back at him, and he leans up to kiss you.

For the next several weeks, you take Hyunjin everywhere.

To the park, the movies, museums, to a club, to different restaurants, to a mall, anything that comes to your mind, the two of you decide to visit, even going to a little town nearby for a day trip.

You don't remember the last time you were this happy and had someone next to you who made everything look so easy and sweet.

Hyunjin had taken an interest in capturing all the pretty moments so you got him a camera, deciding to surprise him for your 6 month anniversary.

As you came home from work, you called out to him but there was no answer.

"Jinnie? Are you sleeping?" you pushed the bedroom door open but the bed was vacant.

A heavy feeling settled in the pit of your stomach as you searched your entire apartment and couldn't find him.

Frantically, you looked for him again, knowing that he didn't suddenly become Barbie sized and hid somewhere.

He was gone.

You ran out of your apartment to knock on your neighbor's door.

"Tony! Did you see Hyunjin today maybe?" you asked him as soon as he opened the door.

"No, I didn't, sorry." he shook his head.

You didn't know what to do so you went back to your apartment and burst into tears.

Hyunjin didn't have a phone you could contact him with as he never had the need to use one so you had no way of reaching him.

All you could do was sit and wait, biting your nails as every single scenario runs through your mind.

He will come back, you reassure yourself as you fall asleep from exhaustion.

And he does, around 10pm the door clicks open and you jolt up from your nap on the couch.

"Hyunjin?" you say into the dark space and he turns on the light, standing in the middle of your living room with two gift bags in his hand and an apologetic look on his face.

"Oh my god, Hyunjin!" you jump to your feet, running to him and throwing your arms around him, squeezing him tightly and almost knocking him down as the bags fall out of his hands and he wraps his arms around your waist.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. I should've left you a note. I-I went out to get a gift for our anniversary tommorow."

"Please, don't ever disappear like that again. Do you have any idea how scared I was?" you cry and Hyunjin gasps, his hands on your face as he wipes away your tears.

"I'm really sorry. I will never ever do something like this again." his eyes water too.

"I should get you a phone." you shake your head. "Hey, how did you even manage to buy a gift? You don't have any money." you chuckle, wiping at your cheeks.

"I went to the park and painted portraits of people for money, then got the gift."

"Oh, Jinnie, you sweet fool. Just don't give me any more scares."

"I promise I won't." he nods and your lips seal in a kiss.

Despite having so many options to choose from now, Hyunjin and you decide to have a nice dinner at home for your anniversary, where it all started.

You even took out the most expensive plates and silverware you owned, adding some candles to create a more intimate atmosphere, some light romantic music playing in the background.

"Y/n, I um- got you something I'd like to see you wear tonight for me."

"Oh, you did?" you smirk. "Show it to me."

Hyunjin grabs one of the gift bags and reaches it to you with an excited smile.

You chuckle and peek inside, seeing that he got you black and red lacy lingerie as well as a dress.

"Do you like it?" he asks.

"Very much so." you take out the dress and touch the silky material. "This dress is very revealing." you notice the opened back and the deep neck line that would definitely almost make your breasts fall out.

"I was counting on the fact that we celebrate here because you in that dress is for my eyes only." his eyes darken suddenly.

"Oh yeah? Let me get ready for our dinner then." you chuckle and make your way to the bathroom.

Hyunjin decides to wear the clothes he arrived in, since those were the only fancy clothing items he owned, and he thought it was kind of symbolic to put them on tonight.

You walk into your bedroom to find Hyunjin dressed and staring at the big box he was packed in, one you still didn't get rid of.

"Jinnie?" you call out as he seems to be deep in thought.

"You kept the box." he says, still looking at it.

"I did. I had no idea what I was getting into so I left it just in case. I was gonna throw it out, it's just really heavy." you explain, making your way to him.

"When you arrived, two men had to carry the box in, and somehow the box seemed heavier than you. I barely managed to get it into the closet. Had to push it and stuff. Sorry I didn't have the chance to get rid of it."

"It's okay, y/n. You don't have to apologize." he smiles as he turns towards you.

"Oh." a gasp leaves his lips as he sees you all dressed up for him.

"You like?" you smirk, winking at him.

"Mhm." he nods quickly. "You look stunning, my angel."

"Thank you, Jinnie. You look handsome."

His cheeks seem to become more red with the praise as he mutters, his eyes darting left and right.

You enjoy your dinner together, romantic music playing in the background, the tv mute, left on just from the habit of it.

After you finish eating, you migrate to the couch to cuddle and drink wine, some stupid show playing on the screen and the two of you jokingly read from the character's lips, making up nonsensical conversations and laughing.

After some time and some more wine, Hyunjin becomes even more handsy than usual, grabbing at your thighs, sliding his hands on the silky material of the dress.

You melt into him, kissing him as your arms wrap around his shoulders, your tongues languidly massaging each other as your core throbs with need.

Hyunjin caresses you gently, his hands worshipping you, sliding down your throat, to your collarbone, to the swell of your breasts, down to your stomach and waist, landing on your hips.

His lips attach to your neck as he leaves wet kisses on your skin, licking at it and sinking his teeth in.

"Mm." you moan, playing with his hair as he kisses your collarbone and the flesh of your breast, leaving another love bite on the soft skin.

His hands travel under your dress, roaming around on your legs and your eyes open, landing on the tv, making you gasp.

"Hyunjin, that's you!" you jolt, pointing at the screen.

"Huh?" he mumbles, already drunk on you.

You quickly grab the remote and turn on the sound.

"...seemingly the dolls have some kind of malfunction that the company does not wish to reveal to the public. All eight of the purchased dolls are required to be returned and the buyers will get their money back, guaranteed. The customers will be contacted accordingly..."

"M-my friends. I vaguely remember them." Hyunjin breathes quickly, you can see that he's getting upset quickly. "They wanna take me away from you."

"I won't let them." you quickly shake your head.

"What are we gonna do?" he asks, clenching his fists and you gently grab his hands, trying to soothe him.

"We're gonna... leave."

"Leave?"

"Yeah, I have a house my aunt left me up in the mountains. I don't think they can find us there. For now, until we think of where to go next." you start planning immediately.

There was no way you would let anyone take Hyunjin away from you.

"But, what about your job? And your things?" Hyunjin bites on his lip.

"I don't care. All I care about right now is making sure you're safe." you smile at him, your hand coming up to caress his cheek.

Hyunjin smiles, leaning into your touch and wrapping his arms around you.

"Thank you." he whispers into your hair.

You get a call from an unknown number the next day, but one quick google search tells you it's the company Hyunjin came from.

You packed one bag of a few essential things you'd need, leaving most of your belongings behind.

"Y/n! There's a black van posted outside. It's been there for hours. They're looking at the building right now." Hyunjin announces and you make your way to the window, half hiding behind him.

"We need to use the fire exit." you declare and Hyunjin nods as he turns to you.

"I won't let them take you. I promise." you hold his hands.

"I trust you, my angel." he smiles and you kiss him gently before the two of you exit the building, quickly entering your car.

You step on the gas, and reach out to hold Hyunjin's hand in yours.

As you speed off into the sunset, hoping for a better tomorrow, a black van rounds the corner, following you from afar...

✨Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @simpforleeknaur @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @lixies-favorite-cookie

[dawnwriterimagines]

The Guilty Plea

SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY x FEM!READER TASK FORCE 141 x FEM!READER

Traitors Among Us (Part 1) and Innocents Among You (Part 2)

Verdict Due (Part 4) Clear Skies (Part 5)

Summary: As you're discharged from the infirmary, under watchful eye, you head to Laswell to talk on the rest of your now ruined military career. Of course, you're forced to confront your team as it happens, the last people on earth you'd like to see.

If you liked this would you Buy me a Coffee?

---

Running your fingers along the raised, pink scar across you cheek, the feeling of it...it really looked terrible. A part of you thought it would disappear, hoped it would, but it didn't. It just became severely more noticeable. Looking at this, you knew you'd always have to think of it. You'd sport this reminder for the rest of your life.

Looking away from it, you find your own tired eyes in the mirror, you haven't been sleeping well. Or at all. You can't remember the last time you got 4 hours, let alone 8. Dark circles still surrounded them but at least the bruising and the swelling had gone down.

You couldn't recognize yourself. Not really.

This woman looked so exhausted, so frail and so goddamn angry. It was accurate, it was how you felt. All of it. So, you supposed that the mirror's reflection was the truth, this was you indeed.

"If you need another day or two, no one will ask questions."

You glance over towards your psychologist, your fucking therapist, a nice little 'gift' sent over by the bureau to check in on your mental state after your ordeal. Glaring at him through the reflection of your mirror, he sighs, putting down his pen that slaps against his notepad, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I'm going to Laswell." Ignoring his statement, you speak. "I'm ready. I'll pack up. Get back to base. Vera had me discharged from the infirmary. I can start ov--"

"Vera?"

"My nurse. You met her," you continued, annoyance spiking at the interruption. Your wrist brace squeaking quietly under the pressure of your fist tightening beneath the table.

"Right..."

"Do you listen to a word I say outside of...my 'trauma'?" You wonder, bluntly.

Your psychologist blinks, surprised, before clearing his throat, appalled. "If you feel I can be more attentive to your state of well-being throughout our process, than by all means--"

"Oh, so 'no'?" you lean back into your seat, a strained laugh leaving you. His lips press together and you continue before he can find the words. "Because whenever I mention leaving this fucking team, you either adjust our schedule for another two weeks or suggest hypnotic therapy, as if I need anyone else digging around to fuck up my mental state."

"I never meant to imply--"

"Oh, you implied it," you interrupted, gritting your teeth. "I know what I want. And I want off Task Force 141."

He taps at the leather of his notebook. "Scars heal, just remember that, Ms. (L/n). The reminders of your experience shouldn't have to haunt you."

"It's not the scars, I've had my share way before this," you admitted, rising to your feet. You exhale deeply that tells to the effort of it, the steel gear hinges along your leg braces shift with your change of position. Still getting use to them. "It's the person."

"Has she changed, you think?" the psychologist begins to write, getting somewhere.

"She doesn't exist anymore."

Finally, placing the mirror down and onto the side table, you pushed off of the table, rolling your IV pole along with you. Passing the chair your psychologist sits on, he closes his notebook with a frustrated huff, looking over his shoulder. "Session over for you already, Ms. (L/n)?" he sighs. "We've still got the hour."

"I'm done," you take the knob in your hand. Turning.

In more ways than one.

"You understand that, informing your captain on your leave is required of you. Have you spoken to any of them, in the last few weeks?" he spoke up, quickly. "I'm sure giving them a space to open up, share from their view--"

"Why should I care--"

"--will give you better understanding, better clarity of the situation they were in--

Appalled. "What the fuck?" Jamming the door closed with a loud, shuttering thud, you whip around. "IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM!" you could just rip your hair out. "Who--who says that to someone?!"

Your psychologist sits there, eyes wide in confusion. "What--"

"Christ, can you hear me? Can you--can you see me? I've got metal plates in my spine, braces holding my knees in place and nerve damage that'll never heal! Who gives a fuck about them!" your skin feels red hot, your face twisted in rage. "I gave my life! My life to this! And then I'm tortured, I'm threatened, drugged and beaten by my own team, my f--my family for eight fucking years..."

You continue with a heavy chest. "And I'm supposed to invite them for dinner to talk and listen them bitch and moan about why they thought it was necessary to beat me to death for two weeks?! Fuck you!" you spat. "I don't owe them anything!"

"That's not what I was trying to say, Ms. (L/N). I apologize, I overstepped. Come sit down--"

"Of course you meant it," you interrupted, mock humor. "Don't be a pussy, own up to it. Revel in your truth. Be tter yet--" you snatch a journal from the cabinet. Tossing it his way. "Make a note of it."

Turning the knob, you leave the room with a slam of the metal door.

---

You were officially famous. On the base, you were now a legend.

A story that would be mentioned and told at lunch for months. Probably years.

First, you were a rat. Next, you were innocent. This was the most gossip any of those in service had ever seen in their years of service.

An interesting reminder to those in service that you weren't safe off duty either.

You learned a few days ago that there was an update put into the interrogational unit, something about how to properly go about dissecting evidence and being on the lookout for enemy spies in the militia.

You guessed you had been told about it in an effort to be appeased by the thought that the head of control paid attention to anything beyond their own noses for once. But, you had little to no faith in a system that's nearly killed you on and off the field by now, so it didn't matter.

You doubted the new rules would be followed though, there was a plethora of things they'd done to you in that cell that were both illegal and unsanctioned. Most of all, that were expected towards an enemy, a prisoner of war at best, and not a fellow marine.

You arrive at the housing quarters, swiping your key card, pulling the handle and entering the wing. Immediately, you're greeted by a dozen eyes, conversations stopping short and clothes ruffling to silence, suddenly whispers fill the space and eyes turn away.

"Oh, god, it's her..." says one man in the far corner.

"Shut the fuck up, man!" came a harsh whisper back.

"I didn't know it was that bad..."

All those eyes on you, makes you pause in your step, looking around at all of your fellow soldiers, the men and women you've served with for years. Many you recognized, ate with, fought beside that turned their backs to you now. Out of respect? Out of distaste, morale, nerves, pity, it all didn't matter. It all felt the same.

The wheels attached to your IV pole suddenly sounded much too loud on the polished flooring, as you walked down the hall as fast as you were able to.

Breathing out deeply, you get to an elevator, pushing on the button, once, twice, three times, just open goddamn it.

With a ding, the metal doors open, and suddenly you're aware that people could be in the elevator, they could be in this elevator, he could be in this elevator. Your eyes flicker down to the floor, your grip on the pole of your iv tightens, your shoulders stiffen, waiting for a blow that will never come.

You stand there as the doors open up, the small space empty, the metal walls reflect only her and a streak of lighting from the ceiling.

Looking up slowly, finally taking a breath, before sliding the iv up and onto the elevator, following it as you press your floor number along the way.

The ride up is fast, a little rumble as it stops, and then the doors open. Faster than you were prepared for.

Peeking out down the hallway, luckily no one to bump into, which you were thankful for. But, it didn't make this hall any less haunting. You'd been cornered in this same hall, you could recall being hauled out of the room after the solid handle of a knife hits your temple.

You don't go down fast enough, whipping around as you stumble to take the wrist of your attacker, mostly for balance, it's Price. In shock, you're unprepared as Johnny's arm encircle your neck, locking you into position as you both stumble backwards onto the floor. He blocks your airways, hushing you harshly as you struggle, feet kicking out and your vision blurring as your team surrounds you. Your family.

That was quite the headache to wakeup with afterwards.

You hadn't quite remembered until now. Being back served as a hell of a kickstart to your memory.

Just a few more reasons to get the fuck off of 141.

Getting off the elevators, the metal doors sliding closed behind you, you make your way down the hall. The polished flooring creates a subtle squeak through the wheels of your iv pole, your hand absently running over the fading stitches along your side.

Passing the shadows of your tortured memory, the doorway of the office was closed, locked.

You pass Kyle's room.

Johnny's.

Finally, you rush up to the next room on the left, grabbing the handle, before beginning to twist, but then you're yanking your hand back as if the metal had burned you. Your back ramming into the back wall, catching yourself, this wasn't your room.

It was Simon's.

You'd spent hours, days, in that room. More than your own.

Why wouldn't you? You were about to get married to the man. You had more in this room than you had in yours.

Sharp breaths leave you, shivering in your effort to keep yourself together, your head goes back into the wall, swallowing down the ache in your chest.

You wait, muscles tensed and your body pressing back into the wall, hoping it'd absorb you if that door opens. Listening for every sound, any pin drop, even an exhale from beyond that doorway. Luckily, Simon seemed to be out for the day.

Hurriedly, nearly running, you steady yourself against the wall as you rush down to the corner of the hallway, finally finding your room.

Turning the handle, it's not locked, it's broken. It opens with ease.

Entering the room slowly, pushing the doorway aside, the crackle of glass beneath your boots as you step forwards, clothes and picture frames laying scattered.

The mattress flipped and ripped open, springs and cotton cut from it. Your wall of metals and certificates, from acts of bravery and mementos of valor, discarded, later you'd find them in the trash, one with a bullet lodged into the gold.

Sniffling as you leaned down, picking a specific frame off the ground, the only one that hadn't been broken. Laying along the ruined rug, with no care for the glass digging through your jeans, you stare at the still shot of your family.

The only family you had outside of Task Force 141, your father and his sister, military brats themselves, until their retirement. Your mother had passed, or just up and left, days after your 5th birthday, you weren't completely sure, the story kept changing every year. But, these two were the only family you've ever known, ever had, until you joined the military, following in their footsteps.

They'd been so proud when you arrived back after your first assignment, in truth you were heavily traumatized, but seeing them, you just had to smile. Having a family that understood the harsh toll on the line of a trooper, now a lieutenant, it was always easier to bring your troubles to them. But, they were also military nuts so "suck it up" was also a quick go to answer from your aunt, while your father was the smoother talker.

They had met Simon, loved him, his rank, his love for you, his seriousness. They trusted him completely with your heart.

So, when he called them, after the evidence leaked...

They believed him.

"What're you talking about?" You took the handle of the chair in your grip, easing you down into it as your legs do weak at what you were hearing. "I didn't...I didn't do it, Dad."

"Do you know how humiliating and disappointing--how it felt to hear him say that to me, hm?" he says, static crackles on the reciever. "My daughter...my own flesh and blood...working with terrorists--"

"I'm not working with anyone! Are you-" you huff out a breath of disbelief. "Are you even listening to me? I've never betrayed the code. How can you think that way of me?"

For a moment, he's silent. "Alright, then," he began. "Than, what'd you do? huh?"

"What--what..."

"Oh, come on, (Y/n)!" your father yells. "What did you do?! What could they possibly have had on you that made you the most likely target? You had to have had done something, been somewhere, were with somebody you weren't supposed to be with! They didn't just get that information from anywhere."

"What the fuck--" Your expression twists with frustration and misery, running your hand through your hair, pulling at it. "I've sacrificed every part of myself for this job, for this team, what do I have to gain from throwing that all away? They send me everywhere, places you've never heard of, places you'll never hear about and people you'll never have to meet, because of me! Why would you just believe Simon? Why couldn't you just wait to talk to me?!"

Hearing your father scoff at your words was painful. "What reason do I have not to believe him? He knows you, maybe even better than any of us. Besides, he was going to be my son in law--"

"I'm your daughter! Fuck Simon, what about me? You'd believe him instead?"

He sighs. "Listen, you're upsetting Cass. We didn't expect your call. I gotta make this brief..."

"You're upset?" pulling at your hair, sucking in sharply. "I'm the one who's permanently fucking altered here. What do either of you have to be upset about?!"

"Watch your fucking mouth!" he seethes. The anger in his voice isn't new, but the way he spits it at you is. "You did this to yourself, I didn't. Maybe that's what your nightmares were about, am I right? Your guilt?"

Wiping the streaks of tears that had fallen down your face, lips quivering and chest aching with sobs you frustratedly shoved down. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I don't deserve the disgrace that will come with you as my kin, I've lived my part of this war. No daughter of mine should even be in this fucking position," your father spat, disgusted into the receiver. Suddenly, he was the cruel, bitter old man your mother had always known him to be, you wished she had stayed to at least remind you of that. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt as much. "You should be ashamed of yourself, but at least you got yourself out it. The least you could do for us."

"Well--what does that mean?" you spoke, quietly.

"Don't call again..."

"Dad, no--" you break this time, a sob escaping you.

"Me and your Aunt Cass..."

"Daddy please, don't do this--"

"..We've decided to cut ties. We're not taking any heat from this, you're on your own," he finishes, clearing his throat, waiting a moment, listening to the pleads and cries of his only daughter, his once pride. "You take care of yourself. Goodbye, kid."

"Why can't you just believe me? Why?!" you cried.

"Don't come to the house."

"No, no,--" the line goes dead. And staring down at your phone, his caller id going blank and the call disconnecting.

Your phone all of a sudden feels heavy, the device and your hand falling down to your thigh, before the phone slips out of your grip and onto the floor. You sit there silently, until your tears drop up and even after.

Staring at the photo now was haunting in its own way, it was just another painful reminder.

Using the bed frame to stand to your feet, your grip on the frame is painful as you squeeze it, the glass cracks audibly.

"Bonnie..."

Whipping around at the sound of John MacTavish's voice, you back up a few steps at the sight of him, your back hitting the edge of your desk.

He reaches out as you stumble, before his fingers curl back into his palm as you find your balance, his hands receding back to his sides. He doesn't enter the room, just lingering just beyond the doorway, his eyes flickering around the room, guiltily.

"I didn't know--we didn't know you were out," he speaks quietly, as opposed prideful personality that translated into his voice usually.

You say nothing.

In the dark, your eyes are wide and your shoulders are tensed up, he can see the glint of your leg braces, the iv pole at the side, the scar beneath your eye. You looked terrified to see him.

"We were coming back to clean up today, just got back from...from a mission..." he stutters on his words, shifting his feet.

"It's been a week."

His lips press together hearing your voice. "I know..." Johnny glances around at the room he'd let those officers destroy, it hadn't been them, but they might as well had done it. "I know...we just...didn't know it was so bad."

"Really?" your voice is mockingly sweet, drawing out the word. "You didn't know? Well look..." you hold up your family photo, the light in the hallway catching on the glass. "You missed one."

Your hand dropping, the heavy frame comes down just as fast, ramming into the ground, the glass practically exploding on impact.

Johnny flinches, the photo of your family...He looks back to you, surprised. "Bonnie..."

Snatching the next closest thing from your desk, a ceramic cup. "Oh, wow, can't believe you guys missed this one," you chuck it into the wall. It breaks on impact, the remains scatter along the flipped mattress and onto the floor. "That used to be my favorite mug by the way."

The Scotsman worriedly steps forwards, 'Lass, I'm sorry--"

"FUCK YOU!" you spat, coming into the light. You're sure you look deranged, and you didn't care. You could've wrapped your hands around his throat, killed him right on the floor and you wouldn't have blinked. "It doesn't mean anything! 'I'm sorry', 'I'm sorry', 'I'm sorry', over and over and over again! As if you shouldn't be! Your apologies mean fuck all."

"I know...I know," he breathes. "But, I've gotta say it anyway, bonnie. I should've believed you, there was no reason not to. I know that now. I just--"

"Believe me!" you cut him off with a yell. "Trust me! Fucking 'HELP ME'!" you screamed with the same fever as your days in the interrogation room, that terrible cell, the cold, the burn and pain. "I cried it all to you, to all of you, and nobody came. Nobody came for me," you breathe in sharply. "It doesn't matter what you should've done. You didn't do it!"

Johnny's eyes are red, he opens his mouth, closes it and then swallows down whatever chokes him up as he looks at you. "I should've came for you. I wish I did. I wanted to, Bonnie..." he steps forwards, and you recede back away from him, your eyes narrowed with violence. "I'll never forgive myself for not listening to you. For not coming to help you. For laying a hand on you. I'm so sorry, (Y/n). I'm sorry..."

I'll never forgive myself... "That makes two of us," you assured.

Johnny's eyes widen, before they close, his guilt ever consuming. He can't help but understand, to respect your decision, to know things can never be ok again. "(Y/n)...."

Grabbing hold of the nearest thing, a pencil cup, you hurl it at Johnny. He doesn't put his hands up, flinching as it hits him, the metal clinking against his kevlar, eyes closing then opening, he stands still. "I don't forgive. I don't accept your apology. I don't fucking care about it!" with each sentence you throw something else his way, a broken frame, the trash bin, a pillow, the CD player.

His hand has to come up for the knife you unsheathe, a memento from one of your missions, it's rusted, ancient probably. But, you hadn't given it up to a museum or to pawn, you had nearly died on this mission, saving Johnny ironically. You had to keep it.

Seeing the weapon, his defensive position is instinctive but his hands drop just as fast, he understands, you need this. You deserve this. "If you need to..." he speaks. Your eyes flicker up to him, away from the knife. "If you need to, I get it..."

And you need to. You really fucking do.

Your grip on the knife is dangerously hard, it hurts.

Looking at Johnny, he'd been your brother in more than a few ways on and off the field, he had been your comfort, your friend, your family. You had bled with him, held onto him as he carried you from the battlefield, joked, laughed, screamed and cried. You've loved him for years.

He'd had a rough few nights you could see that. He was quieter, reserved. Almost as terrified to see you, as you had been of him.

And you could kill him right now and never bat an eye.

And so, throwing that knife was so fucking easy.

Johnny's eyes close as you do just that, fists clenching and teeth biting down on his tongue to prepare for the pain.

The ancient weapon whiz's through the air, the sound is sharp and he knows it will cut through him like butter.

The thud rings in the room, and Johnny's eyes blow open wide, holding his breath as he collapses to his knees, before turning to you.

You dig into the pile of clothes that had been cast aside, a pair of sneakers and a new shirt. You don't look at him a single time as you take it all, stuffing them in a bag, and leaving the room, passing him completely, a limp in your step.

Johnny releases a pained breath, tears finally leaving him as he looks up, the knife lodged into the frame of the doorway, just barely missing him. The sleeve of his uniform ripped open.

He sits there in the quiet, destroyed room. A testimony to the relationship he's destroyed between you.

Part 4!! OUT NOW

[makingqueerhistory]

":')))))))) you realise that gen AI is available to everyone though right??? Queer creators can use it just as much as anyone else??? I just don't understand this post... It really feels like a cheap way to get on the 'AI Bad's bandwagon, and coming from such a thoughtful and insightful creator that's incredibly disappointing... It's okay to not comment on subjects you're not an expert in y'know...?"

Y'all know the drill, I am replying to this publicly but that is not an invitation to send any negative messages to the person I am replying to.

Anyways, let me start by saying that the original context of the post you're replying to is discussing an event where a queer org used generative AI to steal an interview with Keri Hulme. So let's start there. To be clear I don't even know if the original interviewer was queer so let's put the identities of stealer and stolen from to the side. I want to explain the harm done in this example specifically and I hope this is illustrative of what harm generative AI can (and does) do.

The original place I saw generative AI was a queer org that explicitly says they are using generative AI "for good", and as a way to bring more queer history to light. So let's take them at their word, and assume they are not out to cause harm. This is the best example of generative AI that I can imagine, so I hope that makes it clear that I am not coming at this issue from bad faith in any way.

Here is the harm they are causing:

Decontextualizing and rephrasing an interview: I am not going to pretend that I am an expert in academic best practices, but I do believe one thing, if a person is speaking on their own identity and lived experience, it is always much better to directly quote than it is to rephrase. As I read this source, I initially didn't know that it was AI, and I was already upset. An interview that is widely available on the internet with no pay wall, was poorly sourced and made more vague than it was in the initial text. By creating one degree of seperation between the original words of A WRITER (whose literal job was largely based in choosing the right words to describe experiences they had) harm is already done. It makes vague what was once clear, and removes Keri Hulme's voice from her own narrative.

The original interviewer is not paid, or given proper recognition: I get it, sometimes just copy pasting an interview doesn't feel transformative enough, but something that one would learn if they worked in the queer history field and weren't a literal robot rehashing what has already been said, is that not everything needs to be transformed. In those cases, we give credit to the person who said the original words (in this case Keri Hulme), and the interviewer who facillitated the conversation (in this case Shelley Bridgeman). This case (again a best case scenario), takes the attention and byline away from the original interviewer and gives it to an AI.

The original publisher of this story is deinsentivised from paying interviewers in the future: The original publisher of this interview has ads on their website. As a person who also has ads on their website, taking an article like this and rephrasing it for no good reason (the orginal word count was not prohibitive and the rephrasing did not make it more readable), takes money from the publisher. It's pennies, but it's also removing numbers could have been used to justify further interviews with asexual people and archiving of asexual stories. The org that stole from this publication does not interview people themselves so the money and numbers that could have gone to continue to preserve asexual stories goes to stealing them instead.

These are just the active harms that I saw in this specific case. As you said, I am not an expert in generative AI, and will not be speaking as if I am. But I will say that asking me not to speak out on active harm that is being caused in queer history spaces, is disrespectful to my many years in this field.

To illustrate this even clearer: if you were a patron, you would know I recently took down an old article. I have been rereading and editing our backlist of articles, and I found one that no longer fit my standards of sourcing. My standards had recently raised due to a video made by HBomberguy about someone in the queer history space who was stealing from other creators. I watched this video not as a work project, but because I watch most of HBomberguys videos, and this one made me think more critically about sourcing. An AI can't do that. All an AI has is what has been inputted, and it is right now impossible to input every available peice of information about ethics into an AI and get a coherent ethical basis on which it will function.

It is a distinctly human trait to absorb information and change in that way. AI can rephrase information that already exists, steal it, recontextualize it even, but it cannot create something altogether new.

Do I believe that there one day might be an ethical use for Generative AI? Maybe. Do I believe that coming into a queer history space, stealing the words of a Maori asexual author, rephrasing them, and giving the original interviewer and publication no form of compensation for their work, is accomplishing that? No.

On a more personal note: I am coming at this issue with a bias. As a queer history creator, I do not want AI in my space, because it is literally damaging to my financial prospects. It has been like pulling teeth to try and get patrons in the current state of the global economy. I don't blame anyone from that, but I feel very disrespected that I am being asked to compete with a machine now. Not only that, but I am being asked to shut up and be fine with it? No, absolutely not. I cannot and will not stay quiet as space that I have fought tooth and nail to create in mainstream discussions is taken and given to AI.

AI was not supporting me when I was sent gore to try and scare me off of discussing queer history. A person did that. AI was not there to tell me I had written too many sad stories, and I needed some happy endings to remind myself of the good in the world. A person did that. AI was not there when I was being harrassed for supporting and including asexual stories on my website. A person did that.

And after all that, I am being asked to lie down and take it when my ability to pay the people who supported me in those ways, is being threatened. Nope. Not going to happen.

An AI doesn't have to make rent. An AI doesn't understand what it feels like to have to stop holding their wife's hand in public. An AI didn't get calls from people needing comfort in reaction to the election. Pay me for my work, and get this AI nonsense out of my face.

[krysmcscience]

At long last: either an alternate explanation for or continuation of my prior comic regarding how Bill was ABSOLUTELY naked in Ford's karaoke night drawing. (Because errors in art do not exist. Artists do not make mistakes. So if you see any in this comic, No You Do Not.)

I am so normal about these old dorks.

I'm not really clear on exactly when Bill started throwing his desperation book at Ford just like a needy ex do, but I find it extremely funny to imagine it happening literally the day of or after the makeshift funeral. Bill just gets this weird sense of 'Ford is taking steps to move on' and CANNOT FUCKING ABIDE.

I hope you enjoy all the goofy things I added to each page of Bill's sad spieling. (Everything SHOULD be readable so long as you view the full size, but I have added basically this whole little fanfic in the image descriptions, LMAO, which lays out all the little written notes and such.) Also don't ask how Bill managed to sneak that vampire pen in there. I have no idea, and honestly? I don't wanna know.

Oh, and a little bonus comic:

Of course Bill would take it as flirting. Because between the two of them, Bill is the bigger masochist By Far. :)

Also I have continued applying The Good Place logic to any of Bill's attempts to swear. Case in point, one last bonus image, this time with a motivational line from my slapdash Theraprism OC, EV-01:

Yes, its name is just 'love' backwards. No, I will not be taking any feedback on this. Yes, EV-01 was only ever assigned to Bill's case due to the Theraprism being desperate to make some progress in rehabilitating him. No, it did not work anywhere close to staff's expectations - Bill didn't even appreciate EV-01's matching fondness for bowties! (He claimed the fondness to be "cultural appropriation" and insisted he'd been traumatized by it.)

Anyway, if you like my stuff, reblogs are very much appreciated, and if you really really like it, perhaps consider my commissions or yeeting a teeny tiny tip my way? I am trying to recoup over 500 dollars in vet bills, ahaha... 🙃

In other news, I loved all the fun tags people added to the prior naked-karaoke comic (such as 'the hat and bow-tie stay ON during sex' and the classic '[insert keysmash here]', as well as the many amused/bewildered remarks about how I either made the bricks a piece of clothing or just straight up peeled Bill's skin off). However, I think my favorite thing by far was the several people losing their shit over the fact that I gave Bill toes. Like, excuse me? The magical talking triangle can have fingers but not toes??? Since when was that a rule????? 🤣 (Also the one person who reblogged with the cropped panel where Bill's fishnets pants are falling off to ask why Bill peed himself. Dude, I want to examine your brain...?)

Okie-dokie, I'm sick of looking at all of this stuff now and I'm off to go to work, after which I will either scribble some more goofy "Billford" comics or perhaps draw my lame human!Bill in Situations, idk yet. Maybe I'll even finally draw more than just a single other person's human!Bill...? Who knows, but I sure hope I can mix it up a little and not turn whatever I draw into a month-long fukken project. >:\