#i really need a fuckin hug lmao

[icarus-does-fall]

Dontcha just love when the parents (read stepmom and the allowing father) abused you for almost 12? years to keep at it even after moving out?

My bad- 😔 beeing openly traumatized isn't very "silly little gay guy" of me, apologies besties (I am... very possibly high and needed to vent <3)

Just fucking *love* being called a pathological lier and manipulator which started at NINE MOTHERFUCKING YEARS OLD cause I was oh I don't know a child??? Who was uprooted and whose dad married a bitch CAUSE GOD TOLD HIM TO????

I was eight (through seventeen) and this bitch was breaking my things and tearing apart my room KICKING ME OUT OF MY ROOM all cause she got upset over something

Guess who learned early in life how to hide brusies💪 (shit got thrown at me <3 like a TV remote, an ice pack, shoes, dishes fucking great right)

I LIVED IN THE FUCKIN PANTRY LIKE HARRY FUCKIN POTTER

Motherfucker tried to kick me out THREE TIMES just cause I somehow pissed her off (read forgot to do the dishes ONE night, talked back cause I was getting screamed at till 2am, didn't scrub the fuckin baseboards, ect ect)

But noooo now im nearly TWENTY and these fuckers are still doing the same shit cause I expect them to keep their promises?? Cause I'm living my life??? Cause I've proved I don't need them?? So of course they're going to do everything they can to break the life I've been building for myself

CAUSE TO THEM IM ALWAYS GONNA BE FUCKING 12 AND NOT ABLE TO EXIST WITHOUT HELP (please read, ive been raising myself since I was 5, and had to keep multiple alive since that age as well)

Suuuuure I've been hospitalized sometimes cause I took on too much and my mental health shattered so I shattered (im a little traumatized srry)

But then I get to make funny little jokes about how I was hurt and scared for life, i cope that way🤷‍♂️

I got so much fucking wrong with me it's no wonder my relationships go bad, I scare people and I'm fucked up so I pick fucked up people, I should stop huh but damn does hearing the words "I want you, need you, love you" does wonders for my serotonin

AND!! And I've never needed help to survive, I've done that shit on my own cause someone needed to raise me and it wasn't going to be my parents

[depressedskeleton]

guess who's back, back again?

[onetoomanyfandomfixations]

Helluva Boss Characters Reacting to You Asking for a Hug

Tbh this series is just for my own enjoyment at this point lmao

I’m so normal about them, I swear.

BLITZØ

Honestly, it depends on what type of relationship you have with him

Familial relationship? Best BELIEVE he’s coddling the shit outta you rn

^ def a cheek pincher

“Hey sweetie? Do you need me ta fuck someone up for ya?”

But if y’all are platonic, or SATAN FORBID

R O M A N T I C ?

Ur not getting Shit

Well, until you start crying

“You’re a fuckin’ baby, you know that?”

Very casual hugs

Always sits his chin on you

Will complain the entire time

But you both know he loves you

LOONA

“Oh shit, you good?”

She’s blunt, not heartless

Honestly pretty touched that you asked for a hug instead of just going for one

Like her adoptive dad, very casual hugs

Usually just slings an arm over your shoulders

Won’t talk to you about it

Y’all just sit in comforting silence

Don’t let anyone point out that she’s letting you touch her

Will get v flustered

Depending on how you both feel - may let you play with her hair to self regulate

MILLIE

“Sure thing, hun!”

Doesn’t matter who you are, or why you need a hug, she’ll take it

Physical affection is her top love language idc

Squeezes super super tight

Like, you can barely breathe

Gushes over how sweet you are

Will probs pepper your face in kisses too (doesn’t matter what ur relationship with her is)

((Millie is a strong believer in non-romantic kisses, she told me herself))

Will probs ask Moxxie to bring y’all a drink

MOXXIE

“Uhh, you sure you want a hug from me?”

Yes babe I’m sure

Doesn’t think he’s the best one to be comforting you - will palm you off to Millie if he can

But will be offended if anyone else says he can’t look after you

^^ Gets all huffy about it

Distraction is his new best friend

Will tell you a mixture of stories and fun facts to try and make you feel better

Will also make you a hot drink

If you want to, will talk out your feelings with you

STOLAS

Babes just blinks for a hot minute as your words register with him

Has the softest smile

“Of course, dearest. Come here.”

A hug isn’t enough for him, you’re in for a full blown cuddle sesh now

Likes the feeling of having you fully wrapped up in his arms

Forehead kisses. Forehead Kisses.

Will sometimes swaddle you in blankets like a literal baby

Hums softly for you

Tries to ask what’s wrong, will def push the subject

He just wants to fix it, okay?

Will just,,, smother you in affection until you’re okay

And then some

OCTAVIA

Judgemental eyebrow raise.

Judgy, judgy girl

Y’all gotta be CLOSE for her to hug

((But not really, she’s so touch starved its not funny, but we don’t talk about that-))

Long, comforting hugs

If u end up crying, will fix your makeup for you

Don’t mention it though

Like, literally don’t mention it or it won’t happen again

She probs just breathes a sigh of relief when y’all hugs

Holds on a little too tight, for a little too long

If you ask first, she’ll start coming to you for hugs now too

FIZZAROLLI

Baby. Baby, baby man.

Will wrap his arms around you several times over

Another really tight hugger

You had shit to do?

Sike, not anymore

Now you’re spending all day with Fizz

Your fault, you started it by asking for a hug

Is super worried about you, but tries to play it down

Will do stupid shit just to see you laugh

Will ALSO flirt with you until you can’t stand it anymore

ASMODEUS

Immediately concerned, does not try to hide it

Much like his bf, cancels all plans for today

Y’all are gonna be chilling in bed and cuddling now

Just kinda,,, scoops you up?

Definitely plays with your hair

Gives a SOLID head massage

So so gentle and sweet

Just lays you on his chest

Draws pictures on your back and makes you guess what he’s drawing

^^ he does this to help ground you

Tbh he’ll probably drag Fizz to bed too, so know they’re both looking after you

Mans isn’t gonna let anyone get left out

[g0ldenbritney]

TATE LANGDON ABCS (sfw)꧂

a/n: HAPPY HALLOWEEN🎃..sorry i skipped some letters im a lazy bitch

A = Affection

physical touch for sure, playing with your hair, holding your hand (or holding pinky fingers because thats cutesy as fuck), kissing cheeks and noses (im a SUCKAA for nose kisses and so is he<3). Im just imagining you leaning in to kiss his nose, but he thought you were leaning in for a lip kiss, and it ends up being kinda awkward and you bump into eachother😭😭. Tbh i can’t see him being great at communication especially because he’s a literal teenage boy but though he might now be able to say it he can definitely show it with acts of service like helping with chores

You were at school, trying to focus on your worksheets and actually listening to the teacher speak about..whatever she was teaching, all you can think about is getting back home and all the homework and fuckin chores you had awaiting for you.

once you did get home, you opened the front door and you could smell how good the house smelt, on more exploration the entire house was cleaned and all your chores were done. You walked into your room and your homework was completed on your desk..i mean all the answers were wrong but its the thought that counts.

B = Best friend

Im going with alive Tate for this, I have a mood board on Pinterest for this!! (adrienjoyer)

Sharing cigarettes, sharing cds, sharing shoes, sharing clothes, FREE RAIN OF HIS STUFF. He will let you have anything, need a pencil in class…actually he doesn’t have one either but he will scavenge around for one—and if he only finds one? It’s *our* pencil now. (i need to smack that mans ass on the stairs) (i do that to all my friends) Oh? You have 10 bucks? Well he has 7…that mean its OUR 17 dollars to spend on pizza

(based on a scenario that actually happened to me LMAO 😭😭)

It was late at night, you both were hanging out at your house and it was like 2am, suddenly you both have the craving for pizza..you both counted your cash and quarters, you had 13 bucks in total so you thought a small pizza would fine..yeah no. Tate called up the local Pizza Hut and ordered a small pizza with nothing but cheese and pepperoni and it was 22 FUCKING DOLLARS?? And so you both ran around the house looking for quarters…

you ended up paying the money in quarters to that poor pizza delivery girl at 2am.

C = Cuddles

Depends on how he’s feeling tbh, i can see him as a chest layer. Lying on your chest as you stroke his hair, or the other way around he would be just fine with that as well.

D = Domestic

OF COURSE!! I can see him totally wanting that but like..not till he’s like 30. He wants to do all this stuff first before he settled down, but he definitely wouldn’t mind a partner..some kids, a dog maybe. He’s pretty good at cooking, if you count Kraft mac and cheese and grilled cheese or really anything with cheese.. (the man likes cheese what can i say) and he REFUSES to use a dishwasher, he will be washing dishes old style and you cant stop him.

E = Ending

no.

G = Gentle

Sometimes he might go to far, if you two are just friends and hes joking around and he actually hurts your feelings he would squeeze your shoulder and tell you a quick “sorry.” And it usually makes you feel better. He is very gentle with you when you’re having a bad day maybe just upset or stressed about exams he will maybe rub your shoulders or something and maybe get you to laugh to calm your nerves. If you are in a good mood, hes still gentle, holding you, holding your hands, being careful.

H = Hugs

He loves them!! I dont even care what you have to say or as much as he tries to push you off when you hug him he LOVES HUGS. If you two are just friends and you hug him he might be a little hesitant but he will hug you loosely back. This is totally pointed towards me because im very physically affectionate with my friends and hug them after school everyday, if you, like me, run up to him at his locker and basically throw yourself at him he will laugh and let you hug him and yap. If you’re dating and you hug him he will definitely hug you back and kiss your head :)

I = I love you

He thinks the whole “3 month rule” is bs. He’ll say that shit whenever he wants to. If he wants to say “I love you” immediately after you starting dating god damnit it will happen!!! He definitely says he loves you if you’re just friends to

J = Jealousy

Actual jealous baby

Im just imagining someone flirting with you in class do you immediately tell him as soon as you can because you tell him everything and he genuinely TWEAKS THE FUCK OUTTT, like hes actually geeked

like wdym someone else might have a little crush on you…NO. That person will become his biggest opp and you are told to stay away.

You were in 1st hour and you were assigned partners, luckily you knew the person you were assigned with thought they were a little strange…but they started subtly flirting you. They said sorry for being awkward and they “get nervous around people like you” which sounded like a flirt to you

so when you got to lunch, you immediately told Tate, he literally could run to that kids class right now and fight but he just whips his head around at you

“I hated that guy anyway…stupid.”

K = Kisses

Can range from sweet little ones to full blown makeouts hickeys..he prefers sweet ones on the face in the daylight but at night this man is freaky asf. His kisses are soft and slow but he can be a bit quicker if you really want him to

Q = Quizzes

he had a notebook for stuff about you, if you accidentally drop a little fun fact about you he will know about it and he will write it down, ranging from your favorite juice or if you have a mole under your jaw. He knows it all. If he ever forgot anything and i mean ANYTHING about you I dont think he would forgive himself

T = Try

Tbh i dont think he would put a lot of effort in, he just likes to be around you. (Though the mcdonalds dates are FIRE.) he likes having sleepovers with you at tour house only, watching movies, eating snacks till you feel ill, cuddling, if you’re down to get Applebees that would be even better and you would both ask the waiter for the gummy sharks in your sweet drinks separately (yes ive done that before). But if you really really wanted anice romantic date maybe he would give you flowers or something

U = Ugly

Nail biting (you put bandaids over his nails so he’ll stop :)), excessive social media usage (this guys is chronically online holly shit freaking 4chan user), ive always imagined him little tics, like twitching when hes anxious.

X = Xtra

i want to bake him a cake

Z = Zzz

THIS MAN CAN NEVER SLEEP ISTG

he tosses and turns but no matter what he cant sleep without you or if you give him a stuffed animal

OHH MY GODD IF YOU GIVE HIM A STUFFED ANIMAL I CANT

imagine him holding and cuddling it, and i know this doesnt relate to sleep but imagine him being all sad and crying into it because it reminds him of you😭

[xxlady-lunaxx]

your sanegiyuu posts have inspired me lmao. sanemi tries to ask giyuu out but is stopped/blocked by the kamado siblings who are very protective of their big brother- they hug him to block sanemi's line of sight and demand that they spend time with him haha (and they don't really like sanemi bc of their first meeting). cue sanemi trying to win the kamado siblings over lol. giyuu is ofc oblivious until tanjiro tells him that sanemi likes him. 💜

HELP THIS IS SO REAL 😭 and soso cute<3 oh god have a little of them (and sorry for not posting your other req's yet, they're in my drafts tho i promise) this as a oneshot: here

SaneGiyuu being high ig:

Sanemi's been crushing on Giyuu for a while now and, with Obanai's constant insistence, he decides to ask him out

Tanjiro picking up the heavy sent of macha tea and ohagi before Giyuu realizes that somebody's coming

"Hey, Nezuko- We should go protect Giyuu-san. Shinazugawa-san's coming this way—remember him? He might hurt him 3:>"

Nezuko's obedient nod<3

Giyuu suddenly getting bombarded by Kamado's 🫠

Sanemi coming around the corner and being all "oh shit, not these two again" when he sees the two crowding their big brother

Tanjiro peeking over his shoulder to glare at Sanemi

Giyuu tilting his head, all ?? Shinazugawa??

Nezuko tugging on Giyuu's haori. "mff 3:<< (play!!)"

Giyuu nods, picking her up (Tanjiro simultaneously skirting around so that Sanemi can't get past his blockade)

Sanemi all angy and hating how they're bringing Giyuu away

Him trying to speak like: "Tomioka- Wait- Hey- WAIT- 😭 KAJFNSIAOKM FUCK!!"

Nezuko gasps, grabs the swear jar, and tries pushing Sanemi inside

Giyuu frowning at Sanemi, saying he mustn't swear in front of innocent children

"Innocent?? They're children of the fuckin' devil!!!"

Tanjiro swatting Sanemi away

Giyuu getting protective of his siblings

Nezuko pretending to cry so Giyuu takes the Kamados away and Sanemi's left there..

Later, Sanemi trying a different tactic, bringing some sweets (he refused to sacrifice his ohagi, but he did steal some of the Sakura Mochi that Obanai had bought for Mitsuri) and some random ass stuffed animal

Waving it in Tanjiro and Nezuko's faces when Giyuu's out training

"Take it!! Oh, gods, just take it-"

The two just turning their noses up at him, glaring

He glowers back.

Giyuu coming back and Sanemi instantly trying to play nice guy, not so subtly kicking Nezuko to the side when she tries to grab his leg

"Heyy- Tomioka- Can we talk?? Somewhere priv-AHH"

(Nezuko jumped on Sanemi's back)

Sanemi deciding that he'll just play along and hopefully they'll stop ambushing them

Nezuko piggy-back riding Sanemi, and he's just carrying her around, hoisting her up and turning back to Giyuu trying to be all casual

(Unfortunately, Sanemi nearly won over Nezuko until Tanjiro snatched her back, telling Sanemi that he wasn't needed here)

Giyuu still standing at the doorway: ._.

Tanjiro didn't realize that Giyuu didn't understand yet 😭 But then Giyuu asks why Sanemi seems to be stalking him or something, constantly popping up, and Tanjiro forces himself to explain

Giyuu after he's told that Sanemi has an actual crush on him: 0///0

Tanjiro sighing

He still refused to let Sanemi ask Giyuu out until Sanemi apologized profusely to Nezuko and promised to devote his life to making Giyuu happy

which sanemi did with reluctance because he was done dealing with the kamado's but he didn't really want to drop giyuu-

For a bit into the SaneGiyuu relationship, Tanjiro and Nezuko avoided Sanemi like a plague until he won them over with his old big brother 'Nemi charms

(they're still a bit dubious about him but have warmed up to his presence at least)

(although you can be sure Tanjiro's watching him closely)

this is genuinely what my notes look like when I have something i want to write.. very messy and vague 🦦 (i can write this more properly later iyw, but I'm too tired for that rn (cue the yawns))

[star-wrote]

ANYFING WITH FLUFFY MUEPHY MACMANUS PLES PLES PLES PLES LMAOOO

Mo Stór

ao3 link

Characters: Murphy MacManus x Fem!Reader

A/N: loving the energy in this request, anon. if you had a tail, it would be wagging LMAO. i’m sorry this took AGES, but i hope you enjoy anyway! <3

Warnings: cussing, bad irish accent writing, fluff, domestic bliss, seriously it’s so fluffy

Word Count: 817

Dating Murphy MacManus isn’t the easiest thing in the world. In fact, if you were to ask his brother, he’d say something along the lines of “Dunno how ya put up with us being vigilantes and shit, lass.”

You and Murphy have had countless talks about him and his brother’s “hobby,” half of them ending in you begging to join him. He would never let you, it’s too dangerous.

So you work your job to support yourself and the boys. You don’t mind it really, they treat you like their queen. Usually, they’re home when you get off work. Walking in to a warm dinner, even if it was a frozen pizza, was a feeling you wish for every good person on earth.

Other nights, like tonight, the brothers wouldn’t be home. You couldn’t help the feeling of anxiety that went to that pit in your stomach. You rush to the note on the refrigerator, ripping it from the magnet that also held up a picture of you and Murphy kissing. Both the picture and the magnet fell off the fridge as you read the note.

“Went to grab Chinese takeaway for dinner. Be back soon x.”

You sighed in relief as you read Murphy’s chicken scratch handwriting. You remembered the magnet and picture that fell, and quickly retrieved them off of the floor. You smiled as you pinned the picture back to the fridge and silently thanked Connor for capturing that moment on camera.

It had been a long night at McGinty’s, and Doc had kept the rounds coming. You had somehow convinced Murphy to dance with you; it must have been the David Bowie song playing. At the end of the song, he dipped you down like you were in some kind of romance movie, and gave you one of many kisses that you two have shared in that bar. Once he heard the click of the camera, he gently dropped you to the floor and shoved his brother, trying to grab the camera. You laughed on the bar floor as he successfully got the camera and pocketed it. He must not have been too upset about the picture since he printed it out the next day.

You heard the door open while you were reminiscing, interrupted by the familiar sound of the twins bickering; this time about chopsticks.

Connor calls your name as he shuts the door. “Are ya gonna use chopsticks?”

You smile as Murphy rolls his eyes and sets the food down on the table. He makes his way over to you and kisses your cheek.

“Yeah, of course,” you answer Connor, “are you?”

He pulls two wrapped pairs of chopsticks out of his pocket and hands you one. “Of course! Murph here wouldn’t let me grab three because he doesn’t know how to use them.”

You look at Murphy who rolls his eyes again as he grabs your hips to slide past you and take a fork from the drawers. He grumbles out “I’m fuckin’ Irish, don’t need to know how, eejit.”

You giggle as you hug him from behind. “I’m pretty sure the Irish didn’t invent the fork either, Murphy.”

He tried to frown, but one side of his mouth lifted. “Are we gonna eat this shite or not?”

After dinner and the nightly movie, you and Murphy retired to your shared bedroom. You were glad that the movie finished because it was Connor’s night to pick, and he picked the worst possible movie on earth, as usual.

You had both changed into your sleep clothes, and brushed your teeth together, smiling at each other in the mirror.

This was your favorite part of the day. You and Murphy got to cuddle in bed and just look at each other. His hand was on your cheek and his thumb was smoothing out your skin.

“Mo stór.” Murphy interrupts the silence.

You smile at him. “What’s that?”

“My darling.”

You kiss his forehead. “Yeah, I am.”

He smiles and kisses your lips gently.

You rest your forehead on his. “For a second I thought you were asking me to marry you or something.”

Without hesitation, he answers, “I would.”

You bring your head up from the pillow and lift your eyebrows in surprise at him.

He notices the shock on your face and scrambles to say something else. “I mean I don’t have a ring for you or anything. But I would get one. I just know that God sent you to me. I may be a saint, but you’re an angel, lass.”

He grabs your hand and kisses the top of it.

“It seems like it would be a pretty divine marriage if you ask me.”

You feel a tear fall from your eye. “Oh my god.”

He smirks as he wipes the tear from your face and chides, “Lord’s name, love.”

You giggle and then nod.

“Let’s do it.”

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #24] Resolutions

warnings: hangovers, showers, fingering, a little verbal degradation, a lot of praise too!!, unprotected sex, mentions of the word daddy lmao, she's bratty!!, mentions of jimin mid-shag, THE bd jk line imo (my dick is in your cunt, not your mouth. answer me.), pretty kisses <33, he finishes in her mouth yum, b feeling a little guilty :(, some much needed honesty between our starluvrs!, the notebook!!, sticky notes, danbi + tae

wc: 15k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"Fuck my life," you mumble into a pillow that you know well, but also know isn't your own. Doesn't smell like your fabric softener, and so even though your eyes are firmly shut, you're very aware you're not in your own bed.

You're also warm. Like, heat of a thousand suns, midnight fireworks misfiring and landing right at your feet, kinda warm.

You adjust slightly to ease the duvet off your lower half - but there's an arm looped over your side. It keeps you close. Keeps you warm. Keeps you from getting out of bed. You can't see it, but as your hand rests on it, you know exactly who it belongs to; tattooed and toned in such a way that makes you feel all funny when you remember gripping onto it the night before.

And so you let yourself indulge in the luxury of closed eyes and dreamy thoughts, until sleep steals you away again.

There's a stellar serenity to the not-quite-silence of Jeongguk's room in the mornings that follow Dionysus nights.

He gets moany as he wakes; little huffs and puffs of discomfort as he wiggles around, trying to find the most comfortable position. His aim is always to go back to sleep, so that doesn't have to feel his headaches.

It's a little before midday when Jeongguk finds himself resisting the urge to fall back asleep. He's been laying on his front, like he so often does, one arm beneath his pillow, the other outstretched, resting over your hip.

As he turns his head and nestles his chin into his shoulder, he's greeted by your back; skin bare, wabi-sabi glitter ever-present. How it even manages to be trailing down your spine, he has no idea. Thinks you must be made of stardust, or something like that. Wonders if maybe he was an astronaut in a past life.

Jeongguk adjusts. Keeps his arm hooked over your waist but hugs his chest to your spine. He's just as naked as you are, and his hangover is gonna fuckin' kill him, but he wants to be close to another person. Always eases the pain a little.

As you stir, disturbed by Jeongguk's movements, you mumble something incoherent into his sheets.

"Mhmm?" He hums, eyes shut, not caring to accept the fact he really shouldn't be in bed with you in such a way - but it's his bed.

You mumble again; not really making any words, or forming any sentences. More so just expressing your awareness of it being morning.

"I wish you would close your curtains," you groan, sunlight intruding through your eyelids.

"You've got legs," he hums, voice just as sleepy as yours. "Do it yourself."

You've also got a boy holding onto you for dear life, and a warmth between your bodies that you don't really want to lose.

It's worrying, you think, how much Jeongguk is able to remedy your woes. It just comes with the territory. He's your friend ; expectations are minimal. It's only natural that being around him like this doesn't hold the same weight as it would do with any other boy.

Mentally, you don't love the fact you stayed the night. Makes you feel guilty; like there's someone playing your heartstrings like a harp, but they're painfully out of tune. It's not a nice sound, even though you know it should be.

And yet as Jeongguk holds you a little closer - tighter - it's almost like he's twisting the harp pegs. Making it sound good, even if just for a moment. You'd like to listen to the sound a little while longer.

"They're your curtains," you huff into his sheets. "You do it."

"You're closer to the window," he mumbles into your neck, and the feeling of his lips against your skin gets you remembering the night before; how they'd left trails of desire up your thighs, whispered oh-so-friendly greetings against places that no friend should ever be so well acquainted with, and the home they'd found as they sank between yours. Fuck .

It's not the only reminder. You're not sure if it's the hangover, the fact you're naked, or if Jeongguk is thinking about the night before, too, but there is one thing you're sure of: Jeon Jeongguk is hard.

Part of you feels like you shouldn't mention it. He's the one living inside his body. He'll be aware of it.

And he is. He just doesn't really care. Nothing you haven't felt before, thinks.

Admittedly, it's never been without purpose. Or at least, without excuse. Last night, you'd both been wasted. He wouldn't say he's entirely sober now, and he probably shouldn't drive for a good few hours, but he can't chalk a bad decision up to inebriation, now.

When you groan, still being a belligerent little fucker about his curtains, he laughs.

"Lay on your front," he says. "S'how I block it out."

"Can't," you say, without even caring to try. "Tits."

Jeongguk chirps in surprise. "Tits? You've got tits? Don't think that's true. I've never noticed them."

It would almost be believable if his fingers weren't within touching distance. You encourage them upwards, and let them cup you softly.

The very tips of his fingers lightly ghost over your soft skin, until his touches become more deliberate. Become firmer. Intentional. He's still gentle as he squeezes them, hands warm, smile present.

"Huh," he hums in complete satisfaction, getting exactly what he was after. Just wanted to hold them. "Maybe you do have tits."

"Maybe?" you question, tone dry, a smile on your lips that he cannot see. He knows it's there, though. Knows you enjoy that stupidity of dumb flirting like this. Your fingers squeeze down over his, encouraging him to get a real handful.

The way his body moves behind you, ever so slightly, his hips pushing a little further against your ass, has you wanting to cut the bullshit. There's only one way you want this to end up - and given Jeongguk's tendency to fear death every time he's even remotely horny, you're almost certain he wants it, too.

"Maybe," he grins against your neck, then whispers. "Still an ass guy, though."

"Hmm?" You question his sheer audacity. "Then why aren't your hands on my ass?"

"They can be," he assures you. "Just wasn't sure I was allowed."

You shrug a little letting your back relax into his embrace. "Do what you like."

"Nah, B, that's not how this works," he smiles, lips grazing the top of your spine. "You know that's not how this works."

"How does it work then?"

"You tell me what you want. You ask for it."

"Or," you simper, turning onto your front. His grip eases, showing that you really do have all the control - but you don't want it. You want him to want you. Crave you. You raise your hips, back arching ever so slightly. "You can try and convince me you really are an ass guy."

He laughs. Does squeeze your ass, but also says, "you don't want that."

You lift your ass a little higher. He squeezes again. Groans. Thinks you'll be the death of him. "No?"

"Is it on the birds?"

You pause for a moment.

"Exactly," he says. Why he's choosing to show restraint, he's unsure. He'd eat your ass at the drop of a hat, if you explicitly asked him to - but you don't, so he won't.

In his heart of hearts, he knows exactly why he's showing restraint.

The second it starts becoming about him, and his pleasures, his desires, that's when the game changes. He knows that you were verging on dangerous territory last night. Remembers calling you baby. Remembers how instead of telling him off, you'd fucking kissed him. Remembers your lips, and how it felt to have his tongue in your mouth, and fuck . Even thinking about it gets him a little too twitchy.

"What if what I want isn't on the birds?" you say quietly.

Jeongguk smiles. Shakes his head, hair tangling on his pillow. Gives you one final squeeze and a tiny open-palmed spank before he pulls himself away from you. "Then you should have been wiser with your birds."

You know he's grinning like a smug little prick, and as much as you want to be annoyed with him, you're too hungover. Can't be wasting energy like that.

From your snug little cocoon, you can hear the faint movements of Jeongguk making himself look presentable. He pulls on a pair of boxers and tosses a shirt over his bedhead, not really caring much for appearances - though all of his monochromatic wardrobe tends to match.

He pays the semi in the front of his boxers no notice, adjusting himself so his cock lays up flat against his lower belly, not favouring an uncomfortable tenting. In all honesty, he'd much rather be naked. Would die for a blowjob.

But he's trying to be good to repent for his bad decisions from the night before.

Opening just one of your eyes as Jeongguk meanders over to the curtains, you watch on as he pulls them shut without even so much as saying a word. As much as he likes to bicker with you, he also prefers it when you're comfortable. Thinks that closing the curtains is the least he can do. Knows his head feels like it's caving in, so imagines yours is, too.

"Thank you," you whisper, a serene smile settling on your lips.

He pulls off the shirt he's worn for all of a minute just because he doesn't like the way the fabric feels around the base of his neck. Infinitely more irritable when he's hungover, Jeongguk just wants to feel comfy; wants the lemmings in his head to stop drilling away his skull. His mouth is so dry he may as well have slept with cotton wool on his tongue.

Just more of the many downfalls that come with taking things a little too far in the sanctuary of Dionysus. Both of you had been drinking to forget the messes made in the year previous. Didn't really work. If anything, it just ensured you started this year on a messy note, too.

You miss the weight of his body beside you as he tells you he's gonna grab some water - but doesn't bother to ask if you want any. He'll just get you some regardless. Knows you'll need it. No matter how much water he forces into your hands throughout the night, you never stay hydrated enough.

Stumbling a little over his feet and the clothes discarded on his bedroom floor from the night before, Jeongguk doesn't bother to look down and check if they belong to you or him. Knows that his bedroom floor really shouldn't have your clothes strewn all over it, yet you seem to have stormed in like a hurricane, disrupting every sense of peace he's ever known. For some reason that he can't quite work out, you spared him from the eye of your storm. Have never shown him anything but kindness.

And so he'll take misplaced garments and the stain of a little glitter in exchange for such a harmonious life.

As he makes his way into the sitting room in just his boxers, Jeongguk ruffles his hair, a yawn escaping his pretty lips, the small silver ring moving ever so gently. He's every bit the image of reckless youth, just with a little bit of boy next door energy to remedy the woes of every girl he's ever dated.

He spots his phone on the floor by the kitchen island, next to a couple of take-out kebab boxes from the night before. Making no effort to check it, Jeongguk walks right on by - not only because he fears what leaning over will do to his very fragile, very hungover head, but also because he doesn't want to have to deal with the fall out of the night before.

He will speak with Jiyeong, just not yet. Not while he feels so delicate.

Grabbing a pint glass from the drying rack, Jeongguk taps the sink into motion, water funnelling out at such a speed it makes him feel a little queasy. He mutters out a curse - and then almost shits himself when a voice mumbles from the living room.

"Shuuush," Jimin drawls. "Sleeping."

Sprawled out across the sofa like a stretching kitten, Jimin looks just as bad as Jeongguk feels - if not, worse . His bare feet rest over the armrest, body face down, head pressed into a pillow.

"Christ," Jeongguk mutters. "Why aren't you in your room?"

"Needed water," Jimin says, as if that explains why he didn't just go back to bed after he'd gotten some - but he did. Just ended up spilling it all over his bed.

Jeongguk isn't the only member of the household who'd drunkenly strewn his clothes all over the floor the night before, and Jimin is paying the price for being so careless, now.

Had fallen asleep in it regardless, but woke up a little while later and was unsure if it was spilt water, or if he'd pissed himself, so had just chosen to migrate to the sofa instead.

"Byeol's still here," Jeongguk says quietly, almost as if he doesn't want Jimin to know.

Truthfully, he sort of doesn't want him to know. Doesn't wanna have to deal with the questions, and the assumptions, and the accusations. He knows that Jimin will jump to conclusions like a five year old on a sugar high in a trampoline park.

"Gonna have to start charging her rent, soon," Jimin just mumbles into the couch. He's too bleary to align his thoughts properly.

If he wasn't so hungover, he might be considering the implications of such a confession from Jeongguk.

See, he worries about Jeongguk - and while he's so happy that it feels the old Jeongguk is returning, it does concern him that he's retracing paths he's already walked. Isn't too sure how things with Hayun began, but knows all too well how it ended.

He fears that history is repeating itself.

It's a concern for another day, though. Not for right now.

And so Jeongguk returns to his room without an interrogation, and sinks back into bed with you. He makes no effort to snuggle in closer, and nor do you, because that's not what this is about. You're a comfort to one another, but are both aware the conventions of a relationship should not be shared between you both.

But then Jeongguk's brain starts doing pretty little pirouettes, and he's thinking about what-if scenarios, and knows that he needs to get out from underneath his duvet.

Kinda gets it now. Gets why you never stay the night. Wonders if maybe it's something that he's affected by, too, and just had never realised.

Jeongguk only ever fucks girls he dating, so it's never been something he's questioned before. With Hayun, he was already head over heels, so it made no real difference. If he fell harder? Faster? So be it.

It's different with you. He's scared he'll fuck things up. You've got a good thing going. Too good to jeopardise.

As he gets up, he moves the water from the table on his side, to the table by yours. Tosses down a sheet of paracetamol tablets, too. The stack of books on his side table hasn't been touched since your first foray into his personal space - not because he doesn't want to read them, but because he simply hasn't had the time.

With work, and Jiyeong, and uni, it feels like he's not really had a moment to breathe. His brain has been in overdrive for weeks now, and he's only just realising it.

Stirring a little, you're thankful to have water close by, even if Jeongguk isn't.

He sits at his desk, back a little curved, slouched into a comfortable position. You don't tell him, but he's got a little tuft of hair sticking up like a daisy sprouting from an overgrown lawn. It moves as he does, delicately shaking as he jots down notes onto some paper. It's been a little while since you last saw him do university work, but there's something so incredibly endearing about it.

He's already downloaded the majority of his notes from his iPad to his desktop, so spins in his chair to toss it down on the bed for you when he hears you sitting up. It lands with a soft thud, unlocked and on his landing page.

"Here," he says. "You can watch youtube or something. I don't mind the background noise."

Turning back before you even have a chance to respond, Jeongguk gets his head down straight away. Ignores the way you looked, glittery shoulders bare, duvet tucked beneath your arms.

He's making notes on an assignment that was due a couple of days ago, winter break seemingly counting for nothing. It really won't take long - just peer reviewing some work - but the less time he has to think about it, the better.

Come February, he'll be done with his studies. It's been years in the making at this point, part-time studying putting him behind his friends when it came to life-progressing achievements. The sooner he has his bachelor's, the sooner it will feel like he's actually accomplished something. There are stairs that Jeongguk wishes to climb, and he's been stuck on this one for what feels like eternity.

You study him for a moment; watch the way his jaw tenses as he muses over the work in front of him, nibbling down on his bottom lip. His lip ring does the thing . There's a hardness to his face. Determination, maybe.

Part of you thinks you should just leave him be, but something feels a little off. He'd woken up holding you and now he doesn't even seem to want to look at you - and that's when the realisation hits .

You're holding him to the standard of someone he isn't. Jeongguk isn't a romantic partner. He's no different to Jimin, or the girl who took you back to her place a couple of months back, or the guy who decided he could only get off if you were bent in the strangest of ways after a few too many drinks at Dionysus. He's someone you fuck.

But he's also your friend.

You suppose Jimin is too, but you've always managed to avoid sleeping in his room.

This is why sharing a bed was so high up on your list of fears; you don't know how to separate intimacy from it. It scares you. The way you're feeling? The horrible pangs of discomfort in your tummy? The anxiety that's consuming you? It's exactly why you don't share beds.

The shirt Jeongguk had been wearing is crumpled at the end of the bed, so you reach down for it. Think that cover is needed. Being naked feels far too vulnerable.

Pulling it over your head, you stand, letting the fabric tumble down your body. His shirts are always big, 'cause he always gets them as large as he possibly can. Just a Ggukism you've grown fond of. One of the many.

You drink as much water as you can, and chug down the paracetamol, half considering a double dose just to rid you of your throbbing head pain. Showers always help, and so does cleaning your teeth for some reason. It's a placebo, you think, as if you're telling yourself you're washing away harmful toxins from your body. Whatever the actual science is doesn't matter. It works. That's all you care about.

When you stand beside him and squeeze his shoulder gently, he turns his head and lets his chin rest on the tops of your fingers. Despite the low lighting, Jeongguk can see glitter all over your skin. The reflections scatter light all around his room, just like a Disco Ball should.

"Morning," he says quietly. "Not fancy watching anything?"

With a shake of your head, you smile. "My head's killing me."

It's the kind of hangover that has you wishing alcohol had never been invented, or at least has you certain you'll never drink vodka again. But you will. Of course, you will. Especially if you keep meeting bartenders that look like Jeongguk.

"Sorry," he offers, as if it's his fault you kept ordering drinks. "I'm a little too good at my job, apparently. Jimin's like Snorlax on the sofa right now."

"In the living room?" You whine.

"Problem?" Jeongguk smiles.

"Wanted to go brush my teeth, sort myself out," you sigh with a bratty little pout.

"He knows you're here," Jeongguk says. Is glad that he's able to do something right every now and again. At least this way you won't have to sneak around. "Will probably be asleep, anyways. He looked worse than both of us."

"Really?" You laugh, finding it hard to believe. Normally you can handle your hangovers pretty well, but it's killing you today.

"Really," he nods, not lifting his chin from his shoulder. "Go, get yourself freshened up. We can order food if you want? I'd kill for jajjangmyeon right now."

"Ugh," you moan, stomach rumbling at the mere thought of food. There's nothing you want more. "This is why we're friends."

"No, we're friends because you like free drinks," he teases, before turning back to his work. "Go. This will only take me ten minutes or so. You can grab a shower if you want - my towel is where it usually is."

"Star," you beam at him. It's a compliment he thinks is far more befitting of you - but he also doesn't realise there's just as much glitter on him as there is on you right now. "Thank you."

Jeongguk just smiles. Looks a little bashful, in that sweet unassuming way he so often does. A little physical separation will be good, you think. Will stop you from overthinking things.

And so you're not sure exactly what possesses you as you grab his towel from the shelf next to his clothes rail, and say, "still counts as revision, by the way. Of the birds, I mean."

"Hmm?" Jeongguk glances back up, eyes wide and doe-like, as if he misheard you. He didn't. Heard you loud and clear. Just wants to be certain he knows what you're talking about. Assumptions don't fare well in situations like these.

You just shrug. Indifference is something you feign far too often to be able to pull it off, anymore. Jeongguk knows your tells. Knows you so well it's ridiculous. Just gets you. Probably is why it's so easy for him to get you all hot and bothered, like you are now. You're the one who decided to wind him up. It should be him that feels flustered.

But how can you not when he looks at you like that ?

His eyes darken a little. Narrow. Look smokey, as he smirks. Lets his tongue toy with his lip ring, before he shakes his head, ridding it of the clusterfuck that comes with how badly he wants you. He can't give in. Not again.

"Go get your shower, trouble."

Oh, how you wish he wouldn't call you trouble.

Funny. He wishes that you wouldn't be trouble. It makes it so hard to resist you.

As you make your way through the sitting room, you're mindful of not waking Jimin up. He's face down on the sofa, snoring lightly, just like Jeongguk said he would be, so you think you'll be safe. Doubt even the sound of the shower starting will wake him up.

You're so familiar with Jeongguk's apartment by now that you know how to angle the bathroom door so it makes no noise when the latch closes shut. You don't lock it, though. Are very deliberate with that.

After all, you really wouldn't mind revising.

Teeth brushed, clothes off, shower on. It's a simple little routine that takes no more than five minutes. Jeongguk will be halfway done with the work he was doing.

You wonder if he's thinking about you.

Thinking about all the times he's been with you in his bathroom. Thinking about how dirty you like to get in the place where you should be getting clean.

The anticipation has you insatiable. Has you thinking of all sorts of outcomes. There's only one definite in these scenarios: Jeongguk joining you. None of this will be fun without him.

You watch the door with bated breath. Are worried that Jimin will wake up needing the bathroom, and not realise the shower is going, and that this whole little stunt will backfire splendidly.

And so you decided to actually make it look like you are just showering.

You turn your back to the door - because it feels far less brazen - and begin to work water through your hair. The water pitter-patters around you, and is so loud that it almost drowns out the click of the door opening.

Almost .

You make no change to what you're doing. If it was Jimin he would have freaked out the second he realised. Instead, you hear the sink tap go, and thank the lord the pipes aren't connected to the shower, so it remains a steady temperature.

Jeongguk tries not to look at you. Stares at himself as he brushes his teeth in the mirror, rinsing away the taste of last night's poison. It's not even been twelve hours since he last showered with you; and yet this one feels entirely different.

Feels like you're hitting a reset button.

You're both aware that this is needed; that you need to fuck within the perimeters of the agreement. Need to separate the intimacy from the acts. That's what this is. That's how he justifies the intense need he has to fuck you. He has to fix what he thinks he could have broken.

Jeongguk gives himself one final look in the mirror. Tries to understand what he's feeling, or what he actually wants, but he's not sure. He just knows that he doesn't want to lose whatever the fuck it is he has with you; your friendship or the sex. Fears that if he lets the uncertainty simmer in his sternum that he'll make the same mistakes that he did with Hayun.

Pushing a hand through his hair, Jeongguk lets out a deep sigh. You don't hear it. Just continue staring at the rivulets racing down the tiles. Wonder why he's taking so long.

It's been just over a month of a temporary pause on the birds. Not much time at all. It really isn't as much of a huge deal as you're both telling yourselves it is - but of course you are.

It's a hamartia you share; shouldering the weight of relationships that have been put down by other people.

You just don't realise you're playing tug of war, now, each wanting to take the 'blame' for things going wrong - when they haven't even gone wrong, yet. It's so dumb. So painfully, tragically, idiotic.

Neither of you have really been thinking with much logic since Jeongguk kissed you through your orgasm and you through his. It's like you stole each other's oxygen, and your brains are paying the price, now.

He's quiet as he joins you in the shower, the tips of his fingers on your hips to scoot you a little out of his way.

You don't speak. He faces away from you. Grabs the shampoo, and holds it over his shoulder for you. Part of you feels like he should be the one to crack and talk first.

He joined you.

But you invited him in.

He locked the door behind himself and confined you both to the trap laid by you .

Both as bad as one another; and so of course as you start to talk, so does he. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Jeongguk laughs. Decides to not let you go first. If this is gonna be just about sex, then he's gonna take on the role that so often falls upon him in times like these.

Turning so that his chest is to your back, Jeongguk lets his hands grip your waist just above the curve of your hip. His hands are strong, but his grip is gentle. Soothing. His touch, to a degree, confirms that he wants this; wants things to be how they were.

"What are we revising, B?" he says quietly; cautiously. He doesn't think you should be too loud. Had to walk past a sleeping Jimin in order to reach the bathroom. Doesn't want to risk waking him.

His deft palms stroke up your sides, warm and welcoming.

And as you raise to your tippy toes? Lean forward? Rest your forearms against the tiles, back arched for him? Ass so close to his cock that it takes everything in himself not to just line himself up and sink into you?

It's all so fucking obvious.

His palms squeeze . Pull you closer.

"You're the academic genius," you smile. Jeongguk loves the way he can always hear it in your tone. "You tell me."

"So much ground to cover. Exam season's coming up," he muses quietly, a hand on your ass, the other stroking up and down your back. It really is gonna be exam season by the end of the month. He's not lying. The hand that had been tenderly cossetting your spine follows the curve of your body, until he's got your ass in either hand.

His constant reminders of how much of an ass guy he is repeat in your head. You wonder what this is doing for him; if it gets him harder than when he worships your tits.

The pads of his fingers sink into your firm flesh, manipulating your ass to move just how he wants it to. You roll your eyes, a smile firmly in place, and sigh. It's soft and melodic to Jeongguk's ears, so he smiles, too.

"Important part of exam prep," he tells you. "Need to make sure you cover all the bases."

He doesn't get this view of you all too often. Loves your pussy, but Christ . He is an ass guy. Thinks he'll die if you don't let him eat it at least once (though he's almost positive that once would be enough to convert you, too).

"My ass isn't on the birds," you remind him as his thumb strokes over the tight muscle of yours that he's yet to experience. Applies a little pressure. Makes you gasp. Doesn't go any further. Knows better. You only start breathing again when he pulls it away - and bizarrely enough, you find yourself a little bit disappointed . He corrupts your sense of desire, just like you corrupted his.

"You're right," he acknowledges. "So tell me what is, B. Tell me what we've gotta revise."

You're smug as you let your body lean a little further into the wall, ass still in his grip. The water continues to cascade down, but the shower head is angled away; hitting the glass door and drowning out the sound of your conversation.

A little less trusting of the sound levels than Jeongguk is, you remind him of his housemate.

"Jimin's only in the next room," you say quietly.

"So?" Jeongguk says, still caressing the cheeks of your ass. You can feel his cock resting between them. "Let him hear."

Jeon Jeongguk is trouble wrapped in a silky bow, you decide. Is going to hell, and will drag you right down with him.

And yet as he holds his solid cock by the base and runs it between your folds, you find yourself very willing to be taken along with him. Wet and ready, you know it must feel good for him, 'cause it feels fucking divine for you.

"Also," he adds, sinking his middle finger into your warm hole instead of his cock. There's sin laced into his words, a sultry smile on his lips. "Don't talk about Jimin when I'm touching your pussy. It's rude."

The way you whine is enough to let him know that you understand the message loud and clear, but Jeongguk doesn't think it's good enough. Sinks a second finger into your cunt. A third.

"Who are you gonna talk about? Huh? While I'm fucking your cunt with my hand, who are you gonna talk about?"

Oh .

"Jimin?" You tease, knowing that it will just make him pump his thick fingers into you even faster - and he does. Oh, it's heaven . So fucking good . The sounds your pussy makes for him are unchaste; lewd. Jeongguk thinks you sound better than anything he's ever heard before. Hates that the shower is muting you.

"It's like you want me to fuck you so hard you can't talk at all," He rasps, his spare hand gripping the back of your neck, impatient and needy for you to comply.

He needs the green light for him to fuck himself into you. Doesn't care for anything else.

"Maybe I do."

"Maybe isn't good enough."

"Fine," you relent, ignoring the fact shower sex isn't technically a bird - but it is what you want. "Fuck me."

"Yeah?" He mewls. Scissors his fingers inside you. Gets you all whimpery.

"Yeah," you beg, which suits him just fine. He wants you like this. Wants you needy.

"I'm gonna be mean," he tells you gently, as he pulls his fingers out of you, knowing that he needs to be far less romantic than he was the night before. Absolutely cannot call you 'baby' again. His hands roam up your soaked body, the hand that had been on your neck now stroking your wet hair through his fingers. You nod, but he repeats it, 'cause he needs to know you know. "I'm gonna be mean, B. Not as mean as I can be, but meaner than you've had me. Okay? What's the word?"

"Chess," you simply say, voice serene and so blissfully unaware of what's in store for you.

He presses a kiss against the top of your spine. Reaches up to cup your boobs. Lets his thumb swipe across your hard nipples. Smiles when you get a little moany. Kisses down on the nape of your neck when your hands come to join his, encouraging his grip on your chest.

"Chess," he repeats. "Second I say something you don't like, you say it, okay?"

You're so intrigued. Mild-mannered, a friend to all, charming as they come is Jeongguk. Mean doesn't seem like it's a part of his vocabulary. He's always so gentle with you - but he does have a silver tongue. Normally when he gets too horny for his own good, he forgets his filter and just says what comes to mind. You always like that part.

Often, he doesn't realise he's doing it; but he's trying to be controlled today. Restraining himself, even if it seems like maybe he isn't. This way, he'll be on top of his thoughts. Won't let things get too far.

Jeongguk isn't sure that what he considers 'mean' aligns with what you consider to be mean. Knows you've got a bratty side, but doesn't really know the dynamics of any of your past partners. Doesn't really think it's his place to ask.

You turn to look over your shoulder, and are greeted with the most earnest eyes you've ever seen in your whole damn life.

"Mean words?" you check.

He nods. "Just as many nice ones, though."

"And no mean hands?"

There's a change in your voice when you ask that. A drop in your eyes. Jeongguk isn't sure what to make of it. Squeezes your waist. Presses a kiss to your shoulder. "Never mean hands."

Facing away again, you smile. An ex was a little too rough with you without checking your limits before, and so you always like to make sure. Jeongguk has never given you those vibes, but you're also aware that this? Right now? This is all about sex. This isn't about who you are as people.

"Give me your worst, Starfucker."

Jeongguk rolls his eyes. Tries not to smile. He likes it when you call him that. Makes his tummy feel all discombobulated. Starfucker by name, star fucker by nature.

He doesn't let you know how much he likes it. Just shakes his head. Lines himself up.

You gasp into the steam-filled air as the tip of his cock pushes between the meeting of your puffy, wet, lips. He's slow . God, it makes you want him even more.

A hand on your waist while the other grips your ass, Jeongguk's strength keeps you in place. His fingers are tight against your skin and the sensation is overwhelming, as if his fingers are matchsticks and your skin is the paper they strike against.

The lack of prolonged warm-up makes you a little tighter than he's experienced before; the position of your closed legs only adding to this.

Jeongguk groans as he pushes into you. The feeling burns in the most pleasurable of ways; your pussy willing and wanting to accommodate his size.

You reach behind to let your nails dig into his ass. Encourage him to push further into you as you try and hide a laboured whine, but he's too big to pretend like he doesn't exist.

"Hmm?" Jeongguk hums quietly, a smile on his face despite the furrowing of his brows. It's a miracle you can't see him in this moment, because it's the kind of face you know you'd quite like to fall in love with. "You good, there, B?"

You nod. Laugh so gently Jeongguk thinks you really must have fallen from the heavens above. Adjusting your body, you sink back further onto him, letting him penetrate you even deeper.

There's a strain to your voice, as if you're trying to hide a moan, as you rasp, "Yeah. Just getting comfy. You?"

Your hips roll back against him. He grips your ass a little harder.

He can't decide if he wants to lean forward and keep your back pressed to his chest, or if he wants to watch the way you bounce your ass against him. Wishes he could have both. "Yeah. Grand. Really good, actually."

He's putting in minimal effort, more so controlling the pace of your hips as you work yourself up and down his shaft. The movements are small; controlled. They're soft, and simple. Uncomplicated.

Jeongguk loses himself in the way it feels to be inside of you. His hips begin to pick up the slack. The stable momentum is welcome by you, but he's not really aware he's doing it. Just letting his body do what feels right. Is too busy thinking about how much he wants to kiss you.

Always the same fuckin' thing.

"God, B," he whines instead, as a way to distract his mouth.

He wants to hear the way you sound in his mouth, feel the vibration of your lips against his, but he knows last night was a one-off. He won't try for it again.

Sure, it makes him think he might die, but it was one of your firm boundaries that you only relented on when you were drunk. Likely a bad decision in your eyes, he doesn't wanna put you in any uncomfortable positions.

Or at least that's how his brain portrays it to himself.

Totally isn't because of that pesky fear of rejection he likes to blame everything on making an appearance. He's never been scared of you. Never feared rejection from you. And yet he's holding back.

So he makes up for it in other ways.

Hips fervent, Jeongguk doesn't care much for anything except the way you feel wrapped around him, and the little hums of pleasure that are leaking from your lips.

Jeongguk also doesn't care for niceties. Has you within his grasp, and never wants to lose it. Wants sink his teeth into your neck and poison you with immortality; make sure you're forever tied to him.

Said he'd be mean. Thinks he should deliver on it.

"Shit," he husks, hips slapping up against your ass. The sound of wet spanks echo into the room. "You've been so desperate for my cock, haven't you? Desperate and needy, just waiting for me to fuck you again."

"Gguk-"

"No," he grunts into your ear, as he pushes you further up against the wall. The arch in your back deeps; his grip on your ass does just the same. "Address me properly."

Properly . Are you supposed to know how?

Jeongguk doesn't even know how he wants you to address him. Just knows when you say the right thing, he'll know it's the one.

" Daddy ?" You question, 'cause it's the only thing that can come to mind. You hate that you've said it. Admittedly, with his cock fucking into you, the ridge of his head massaging against your most sensitive spot, the name doesn't sound all that bad. Still, it would never be your first choice.

"Daddy?" He laughs. Like, really laughs. It's the kind of laugh you're used to hearing when you're lounging around in his room, doing nothing much other than existing together. His laughter quietens and then his lips are on your neck. Teeth grazing. Tongue teasing. His voice is gritty as he speaks. "I'd be paying for this cunt if I was your Daddy , wouldn't I? But look at you. You're giving it up for free for me. Slutting yourself out for my cock, aren't you?"

Fuck .

You nod. Whine. " So slutty for you."

His pace slows a little. Burrows a little further. Harder. Teeth dig a little deeper into your neck.

"Say it again."

Your breathing is shallow. Jeongguk loves the way it sounds. Is obsessed with how your breaths get even more erratic when his hand dips down to toy with your pussy. Not your clit - he'll keep you waiting for that - but anywhere and everywhere else that could be mildly stimulating for you.

His forefinger and middle finger press down on either side of your entrance, where his cock is spreading you open. He ruts, once, twice. Smirks.

"Did I fucking stutter?" Jeongguk snarls. You can hear how tense his jaw is; can imagine how pretty he looks. You fucking whine for him. Are so out of your own control it's embarrassing. "Say it again. Tell me what you are."

You let your head tilt back, and it takes everything in him not to leave a mark on your neck with his mouth. Jeongguk knows he's in control of the situation, but it feels like he's got none at all.

"A slut," you mewl as his lips press against the base of your neck.

"Whose?" He says, nipping his teeth against your skin as he continues to thrust up into you. You want him to graze. To leave a mark. Know that he won't.

"Yours."

The way you pant as you say it has Jeongguk feeling all sort of fucked up. This is just sex, yeah, but fuck . He underestimated just how much he'd like hearing that.

"Can barely fuckin' fit my cock inside you, can you?" He grits. "You sure your pussy is made for me?"

Now this does make you pout. It's not 'chess' worthy, but it has you wanting to prove yourself; prove that his cock belongs inside you. Has you wanting revenge .

You roll your hips back. Pick the pace up for him. Turn your chin to your shoulder and look back at him. The look on his face - heavy-lidded eyes, and blown out pupils, mouth ajar, tongue toying with his lip ring - would suggest your pussy is perfect for him.

"Is it not?" you almost plead, sotto voce , eyes as wide as your lips are pouty. "Tell me it's not."

Jeongguk's heavy-lidded eyes don't lift as he smirks. He looks like absolute sin. He wondered how long it would take for you to turn bratty.

"How does such a tight little cunt take me so well, huh?" He praises. "How'd you do it?"

And then he takes control back. Rams his cock into you; fills you to the hilt. You're almost certain he's hitting your cervix. He's so big. So big , and fat , and filling . You've never had a cock like his before. It almost hurts, but the pleasure always takes precedence.

How he expects you to reply when you can barely fucking moan coherently is beyond you.

One of his hands drops from your waist and sinks down to the front of your pussy. He knows it well, now. Knows how to get you creaming. Finally applies a little pressure to the hood of your clit. Dainty little circles that couldn't be further apart from the solid thrust of his cock into your hole.

He's a man of juxtapositions and the way he fucks you is no exception.

An overwhelming pleasure takes hold of your every atom; cosmic in the way the feeling transcends through you. He feels it, too. Feels fucking euphoric. Feels unlike any fuck he ever normally indulges in.

That's the thing about fucking you; there's no weight of a relationship, just a pursuit of feeling good. He's never had that with anyone else.

"Gguk, I'm gonna-"

"What?" He cuts you off. Laughs. Oh, it is mean. You like it. "Cum? No. You're not."

He doesn't relent. Keeps going. Your legs are weak from the diversion of your senses, a state of fucked out bliss taking over you. All you can feel is pleasure; butterflies in your veins, fire and ice on your skin.

"I'm so close."

"Don't care," he husks. Stalls his cock. Stops thrusting. Keeps rubbing your clit like he was put on this earth to worship you. "You're not gonna cum."

"You're gonna make me," you whine.

"Am I?" He teases.

But then you do something that surprises him; you pull away. Let him slide out from your swollen pussy. Stand up straight. Turn to face him, chest heaving. His cock is soaked. You want it in your mouth.

"No," you say, voice as strong as it can be. The change in your tone amuses Jeongguk. Takes him off guard. "You sure you've done this before? I could give you pointers."

He tilts his head. Looks you dead in the eyes, a smirk forming on his ever-charming face. There's something lewd about how his jaw hangs slack as he brazenly strokes his cock.

"I had you squirting on my fucking fingers last night," he reminds you with an arrogant laugh. "Pointers? Really ?"

You nod. The indifference you're feigning is just as transparent as it always is, but Jeongguk plays into it. He likes this. Likes how you're fighting back.

He encroaches on your space until your back is against the tiles, and you're suffocating in all that his; his provocative charm, and tender touches.

"Pointers," you repeat, lips all pouty as you give him a pathetic little look of sympathy. "Yanno. Tips . It will help you fuck better."

He knows he fucks well. Knows you're saying shit just to wind him up.

For some reason, it makes him throb .

"You keep saying how tight my cunt is," you carry on, all docile, as if your hand hasn't just wrapped itself around his cock. "But you're not really big enough for me to feel anything," you mewl with a sorry little pout.

Now if there's one thing Jeongguk's sure of, it's his size. If anything he's too big. He glances down. Your tiny hands can't even fully wrap around him. Wet hair sticking to your skin, the way you smirk is sin.

"Hey, if you want, I'm sure Jimin can give you some tips, too," you shrug, putting that final nail in your coffin. "He knows how to fuck me."

Jeongguk's heard enough. Knows he's a better fuck; but still feels the need to prove it. The way you get inside his head frustrates him so much. He doesn't know why he feels so insatiable, or how he's unable to ever just fucking control himself around you.

Dipping slightly, he grabs the back of your thighs and hoists you up the wall a little bit further, leveraging you into just the right position for him. Legs wrapping around his back, you can't help but giggle a little. Tell him to be careful - "It's wet. Don't fall." - and are met with a curt reminder.

"I know how to fuck, B" he grits, lining himself up, and sinking back into you. Foreheads pressed together, you both gasp from the familiar sensation. It's so good. So satisfying.

He wastes no time fucking himself up into you, his hips just as erratic as they always are. The sound of it all makes Jeongguk think he's losing his mind. Wants the shower off cause he wants to hear you better, but knows there's no way he can even chance it. Not with Jimin next door.

"Did he get you like this?" Jeongguk scathes. He looks angry, but you know he's anything but. He's enjoying this. Enjoying you. "Did he turn you into a pathetic, slutty mess for him? Did he get you like this ?"

You whine, because it's all you can do.

"No," Jeongguk hisses. "No he didn't fucking get you like did, did he, huh?"

Brows pinched together, the familiar splendour of an orgasm is greeting you once more. You can't fucking speak. Can't do anything. Just let the sensation take hold, and shake your head.

"My dicks in your cunt, not your mouth. Answer me. Who gets you like this?"

"You," is all you can whimper. "You get me like this, Gguk."

"Yeah," he nods, a softness returning to him. His eyes; that's where you see it. What once were dark and narrow are now soft and chocolatey. Pretty . So so pretty. Full of so many stars. "I get you, don't I, B?"

If only he knew how true that statement really is. If only you could realise how true it is.

He gets you in all senses of the word; gets you coming undone, gets what you need, gets every little part of your complexities. Knows you and understands you in a way that feels almost intrusive - and yet so overwhelmingly welcome.

You nod, because at this point, you're so close you could cry . All you want to do is cum for him.

"You're so pretty when you play nicely," he praises as hips slow. There's a crease between your brows, your wanton gaze never easing up. He thinks you look angelic. Can't really control his words. Feels like you're controlling him. "Makes me wanna kiss you. Pretty little well-done kisses for my pretty little fucktoy."

Oh, fuck . That one? Yeah. That one does it for you.

One of the hands gripping his shoulders falls to your pussy, a little sore from how well he's been fucking you, but desperate for relief. He doesn't stop you. Just watches you as you get yourself there. His hips are so slow. He wants to feel it.

"Please," you beg . "Show me how well I've done."

It kind of takes Jeongguk by surprise. He thought kissing would be off the cards. It's sort of why he went down the mean route. Didn't realise how much it would just make him wanna praise you, instead.

"Hmm?" He simpers, nose nudging against yours. You've missed it so much. Like it when he fucks you from behind, but are far too obsessed with the way his nose nestles into yours.

"Please, Koo," you whisper. "Please kiss me."

That's it . That's the name that really gets him. 'Jeon' will have him hard, and any kind of title, really, will get him a little horny, but what makes him weak ? It's when you're soft for him. Makes him feel more masculine than any other name could. God it makes him wanna fuck you raw until he cums. Always pulls out, but fuck . You get him primal. Get him wanting to fill you up with his cum, all nice and warm.

"You want them?" He husks against your lips, pressing down ever so softly.

His kiss is light. Tender. Delicate. Everything he hasn't been since he started fucking you. Just a single one, that leaves you wanting so much more.

"I've been so good," you bargain, hoping he'll think you've earned more than just one. It's a dangerous game you're playing. This was supposed to be about sex. Just sex. Was supposed to undo the wrongs of the night before.

But as Jeongguk smiles, creases form beneath his eyes. He nods. Cups your jaw with his hands. "So good for me, B. Such a good girl."

The pace at which you're touching yourself increases. You're so close. He knows this. Can hear it in your breathing. Waits it out. Waits for the whines; for the throbbing of your walls around him, for the digging in of your nails to his neck. When it happens, Jeongguk thinks he might die.

The sensation washes over you, his thick cock just as painfully desperate to fill you as your pussy is to milk him. The orgasm is fast, and hard, and over far too soon. Gets you drowsy. Pliant. Pathetic.

God, he loves it. Loves the switch that comes from watching you come undone.

"Deserve more kisses," is all you mumble before Jeongguk presses his lips to yours. He retracts. Repeats. Again. Again, again, again. Dainty and docile, his lips barely ghost yours before he finishes them. He's deliberately making you crave him.

And you know he won't give you any more than this; so you offer a compromise.

"Will you cum in my mouth?"

Jeongguk nods into a tender, final, kiss. "Yeah."

He eases you off of his cock, and is gentle as you get to your feet. Knows your legs are a little shaky, so keeps a hold of your hand as you get to your knees.

All you want is to take him in your mouth. He's so big, and covered in you. The least you can do is clean him up. 

You look up at him, mascara smudged on your glittery cheeks, eyes wide and wanting as your lips part. Your tongue kitten licks against him; his head, his slit, his frenulum. Tasting yourself on his cock makes you a little feral. The way your tastes compliments one another is delectable . Mouthwatering. 

So docile and willing to please, Jeongguk wants you choking on his cock - but he knows better.

"Uh-uh." He smiles so fondly as he looks down at you that you almost think you could cry. His hand strokes your cheek, while the other replaces the tiny hand of yours that was on the base of his cock. "That's not on the birds, now, is it, B?"

You shake your head. Pout. You wanna suck it so badly.

"Mouth open," he whispers. You do as you're told, and wait patiently for him to rest himself on your pouty bottom lip. "That's it. You have any idea how gorgeous you are, like this?"

And here he is, you think.

This is the Jeongguk you're used to; the one who forgets his filter on the verge of an orgasm.

Lips hanging slack, Jeongguk's grip on his cock is tight. The way he jerks himself off is something you're well acquainted with now, but you're just as mesmerised each and every time; how engorged and angry the shiny red tip of his cock looks, the darling vein that runs down the length of his shaft, how precum pools around his slit, all messy and needy for you.

For all he can taunt you about how desperate you always are for him, you can do just the same back. Your desire is met, matched, mirrored.

He's obscene as he cums; celestial in the way he bites down on his bottom lip and gives a pained nod, chest heaving, the muscles in his tummy beginning to tense in the way they always do. You neglect to look at his cock as he unloads himself into your mouth, favouring his eyes, instead. He can barely keep them open; forces himself to because there's no way he won't squirrel away the memory of this.

"Pretty little mouth," is all he manages to whine. "Gonna fuckin' ruin it."

You're so pliant for him. Yielding to his needs; his desires. You'll do whatever he wants if it means you get him cumming - and you do. He cums so hard. Unloads spurt after spurt of hot cum onto your tongue and down your throat.

You put it down to a power complex. Weak men are your favourite kind of men.

At least you tell yourself that, as if you don't adore the way it feels when Jeongguk is a little more assertive with his wants; a little more aggressive .

He gets Mars in his eyes every now and again, and while you've never felt the full brunt of it - he always reins himself back in - you are intrigued by it.

You wonder if he and Mars used to be friends; if Jeongguk will ever let him take over for a night. You could be Venus for him, if he wants. Would be a dangerous game to play, mind you. Their moments together were masked in secrecy, and once the blanket was lifted, their affair was no more. Would be an awful shame for you both to suffer the same fate.

And so don't entertain the idea. Don't tempt him.

Seeing what you could be isn't worth losing what you are.

What you are, as Jeongguk holds your hand to pull you back up, twisting the shower head so it rains down on you once more, is friends .

Just a little overly familiar friends.

He likes making you cum, and you're a pretty big fan of returning the favour, but once post-nut clarity kicks in, you're both just idiots who are a little too brazen for their own good.

It's proven in the way you behave in the moments following; how you ask for the conditioner and he gives you shaving foam instead, how you hog the shower until he quite literally has to pick you up and move you out of his way. There's fun to be had in the comfort of your best friend; the ability to be naked and not sexual at all.

Then again, it's not like you're ever like this with Danbi. Not like Jeongguk would even dream of sharing a shower with Jimin.

It's weird. You know it's a little weird.

You like it, though. Don't want to lose it.

Jeongguk is the first to leave the bathroom.

Jimin is right where he was half an hour previously. Still snoring, still ignorant to the fact Jeongguk just railed you in the shower they share.

Taking a moment to gather your things and slip Jeongguk's shirt back on, you check yourself over in the mirror that Jeongguk wiped down a little bit with his hand. There's a blush to your cheeks, and a vibrancy to your eyes that you haven't seen in a while. It's like your hangover never existed... but then you're thinking about it again, and the unpleasant lull of a headache seems to return.

Sex, as it turns out, is just a distraction, not a cure.

When you arrive in his room, Jeongguk is flopped on his bed, his back pressed into his sheets, looking up at his phone. He's just in boxers, hair wet, lip ring shining in the light. There's a perplexed look to him, so you flop down too.

Knowing you'll ask, he passes his phone over. On the screen is an instagram profile of a guy you don't know - but recognise his display picture was taken in the gym that Jeongguk frequents. An uncomfortable knot ties itself in your tummy. Where you once felt giddy from the attention given to you by Jeongguk, you feel guilt.

Tapping on his icon, you open up his story and are confronted by the very thing that had made Jeongguk look a little miffed.

It's Jiyeong, that's for certain. The dude she's kissing? You've no idea. The caption across the middle of the photo is childish. 'Come get your girl, bro'.

You lock the phone and pass it back. He just tosses it onto the rug beside his bed.

"Ugly font," you simply say. It's that hideous, spindly cursive one. You're not sure why anyone chooses it. Would rather die than willingly post it to your story.

Jeongguk agrees. Doesn't smile, though. Isn't really sure what to do or what to make of it.

He doesn't really care that it's happened. Literally fucked you as soon as he could without moral complexities. Even if he wanted to be upset, he'd be, like, the world's biggest hypocrite.

It's the public humiliation that really frustrates him. She's done it last night in Dionysus, and he can't help but feel like she orchestrated this, too. Doesn't wanna be a laughing stock. Hates that he'll get to the gym and people will know his business.

His silence doesn't convey this.

Just makes you think he's disappointed. Sad. Upset that she's with someone else.

Makes you think that maybe the sex hadn't been about you.

You're rigid beside him, unable to move, not wanting to breathe. There's a weight on your chest, like a hundred and one books dictating the impact of having a lover who strays. You could write a few. Add them to the pile.

Jiyeong's done wrong, yes, granted. Did him wrong first.

But Jeongguk fucked you before he even sobered up from the night out. It all feels sordid.

In the moment it had safe and secure, yet now it feels illicit and ill-willed. Dirty. Nasty. Foul.

You're no better than the girls who used to climb into Seokjin's bed and use the lube you bought to get themselves ready for him . You're every single girl you have blocked on instagram because you couldn't trust yourself not to stalk their profiles looking for signs of him.

You've been cheated on. This is different granted - Jeongguk has always been single - but it still makes you feel like you've done something wrong .

The silence you let linger is unusual. You normally always fill the space. Jeongguk turns his head to get a read on you, and notices the tremble of your bottom lip instantly.

"Hey," he says softly.

Oh, it's horrible. You feel rotten from the inside out.

But he's so nice.

"B?" He implores when you don't respond. A tiny tear trickles down your temple and tickles your earlobe before getting lost in your hair.

Jeongguk sits up now. Turns his body towards yours. Keeps a palm pressed down into the sheets to keep his balance, but brings his other hand to rest just above your belly button. Rocks you a little.

"Talk to me, B," he says, all thoughts of Jiyeong obliterated from his head. Could not give a shit about whatever has happened with her. You take priority.

You always do.

You just shake your head. Dab at your cheeks with the heels of your palms. Jeongguk knocks them away. Wipes away your tears for you with his thumb, instead.

"Hey?" he whispers so tenderly it's as if he's scared his voice could bruise you. He lifts his palm from your torso, fearful that maybe it's his touch that has you like this. Worries that he did something wrong. "What is it? Was it the shower? Hey?"

Yes, you think. It was the shower.

"I'd never do anything I didn't think you wanted," he panics. He's always so firm with consent and making sure you can tap out, but now he's anxious that he missed a signal in the midst of being mean. He doesn't know what to do. "Please tell me what I did."

"No," you breathe out when you realise the conclusions he's jumping to. "No, Gguk, God. No. Not you. I just... I feel really bad."

Jeongguk could cry from relief. Think he might, as he asks, "about what?"

You shrug. Look up at the birds. Pout. The pity parade is in full swing. "I set you two up, and the second you're done, I jump into bed with you?"

The way you sneer at yourself is so cruel that Jeongguk doesn't quite understand it. You both made this choice. He's just as much to blame as you are. He looks at you, and doesn't recognise the contempt in your features. You're not looking at him, for it's not directed his way. This is all on you. You're the villain in this story, you think.

Jeongguk pauses for a moment. Tries to figure you out. Flops his back down onto his bed. Reaches for your fingers and holds them against his chest with both of his hands, like he's wrapping you up in white flags. It's okay. You don't protest.

"I don't know if this will make a difference," he admits, finally being candid about his feelings. "But I wanted to end things weeks ago."

You're sure Seokjin said the exact same thing to his mistresses.

"So why didn't you?"

Jeongguk takes a second to muster up his courage. There's nothing to be scared of. It's just you.

And so he's honest.

"You," he says quietly.

"Me?"

He nods. "Was scared. Thought you'd be disappointed in me..."

You glance over to him now, and are shocked by how sincere he appears. "What?"

"You just... You were doing so well with birds, B. I was lagging behind and I thought that if I did the bird then we'd both be well ahead and I just... I know how much you wanted me to do them, too. I do want to do them. She just... wasn't the right fit for me."

The best way Jeongguk can think to describe it is switching to mittens after wearing gloves all winter. There's always gonna be something missing.

But that means admitting you're the gloves in this situation.

He's hardly gonna admit that to himself, let alone anyone else.

"Gguk," you say, a little exasperated, wishing he'd have just been straight with you from the get-go. You know you encouraged it, but you never meant to make him feel like he didn't have a choice. "I'm so sorry. Please, don't ever think you have to do things just for my benefit. Your birds are for you. I'm so so sorry."

Jeongguk just shrugs, his shoulders rustling against his sheets. "Was a learning experience. I admit the Jiyeong thing is a bit messy, and I don't love feeling like a shitty person, but you did nothing wrong here, okay? This one's on me."

He doesn't let you argue against him. Absolves you of blame, and won't hear otherwise. You don't fully accept this, and still feel a little terrible, but hangovers always amplify it.

But now that apologising is a thing, Jeongguk feels like he should say sorry for being mean in the shower.

You think he's ridiculous.

"You were so nice to me," you tease him, before doing potentially the worst impression he's ever heard. " Oh B, you're sooooo pretty." Jeongguk just rolls his eyes. Is pleased you're smiling again. "I'm gonna think you're in love with me if you aren't careful."

"I literally called you a slut?" Jeongguk laughs, throwing his towel at you as he stands to get the water. It hits you square in the face, but you just bundle it into your lap, a big grin plastered all over your face. It's like you're bubbling over now that he's remedied your woes; so chatty and happy. He likes it so much when you're like this. "You can be pretty and the bane of my life all at the same time."

With a shrug, you lie back down, his quilt a comfortable haven. The birds above you gently waltz, the air from Jeongguk's a/c encouraging them to twirl together.

"Been called worse names and not been given an orgasm," you assure him.

"Well next time I'll be meaner," he promises. "And I deliberately won't make you cum."

You gasp. "You'd never do such a thing."

"You wanna bet?"

A grin settles on your lips. "A little."

He just laughs. "Shame it isn't on a bird."

As if you've really been following that rule.

"Well, why don't we make some more?" you suggest, not really thinking much of it.

"More?" he questions.

He sees the lack of birds as a sign of accomplishment; something to be celebrated. Doesn't understand why you'd want to add more.

However, he also knows at this point he likes his life better when you're doing the birds. Feels like he's actually progressing as a person. Plus, it gives him more excuses to fuck you, he figures. Will never say no to that.

"Yeah," you nod. "Like resolutions, almost. Things we wanna get done by the end of the year, just specific to..."

You trail off, unsure of how to phrase it.

"Shagging?" he offers, but you feel it's too brash.

" Personal development ," you counter. "Your fears and mine, but maybe some extra ones thrown in there."

"So that means I can put my own version of your birds up?" He asks, to which you nod.

"Go wild. Forget the planes, just make them birds, now. Although," you muse. "What were the birds?"

Jeongguk absolutely does not want to answer that.

Some of them were a little... unorthodox. All things he's yet to explore, he doesn't feel that confident voicing them out loud. Worries that you won't like them, or might think they're strange.

He's yet to realise there's very little you won't do if you're horny enough - and unfortunately for you (or should that be luckily?) Jeongguk seems to have a way about him that gets you there.

When you're like this, laughing and joking about the intricacies of sex, you're not hot and bothered. It's all just fun and games.

You know the second that his hands are on your body again, you'll melt.

It's why distance is a good idea, you think as you move to sit on his desk chair, taking one of his pillows with you to hug into your chest. Your foot rests on the seat of the chair, an anklet catching in the light, chin resting on your knee. You don't wanna encourage any more repeats of the night before. Or this morning. Or the inevitable evening that will follow if you stay in his room all day wearing his clothes.

It's just one of his things ; like sweet perfume and pretty wrists. Anklets and girls wearing his glasses. Add wearing his shirt to any of those?

Yeah. He's done for.

It will get him firm .

He's not been entirely soft all day - but he is incredibly good at holding himself back. Enjoys spending time with you without the pressure of sex. Not his fault he just wants it all the goddamn time.

As long as you don't get too playful, he'll be fine. The second you give him the eyes - those ones he likes so much that you don't even realise you're doing - he'll probably die.

"Any hard limits?" he asks.

"I don't know," you consider out loud. You've never considered yourself vanilla, but there are still certain roads you haven't been down; some you don't care for. "Fisting?"

Jeongguk snorts. Looks down to his hand that's resting in his crossed lap. The other is firmly pressing into the sheets behind him, keeping his back supported. "Okay."

The way he says it, almost like he thinks you've told the biggest lie since Milli Vanilli existed, has you recoiling a little. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs. Tries to hide his smirk. Fails miserably. "Well, it's just... We're not that far off."

"Sorry?"

Jeongguk resists the urge to say 'forgiven'. Doesn't wanna sound like Jimin. The way you're looking at him really does have him wanting to wind you up, though.

"Tell me I'm wrong," he says, and then raises three fingers, as if he's giving you a fucking Boy Scout salute. "Halfway ther-"

He's cut off with a pillow hitting him in the face. You are, for no good reason, mortified. It's your pussy they've been inside.

"It's true!" He protests with a laugh. "I'm not saying I want to, I'm just saying of all the things to have limits for..."

"You are not punching my vagina!" You hiss whisper at him.

"Well, I wasn't gonna be violent about it!"

"Good!"

"Great!

"Fine!"

"So... no fisting?"

"No," you laugh. "No fucking fisting."

He's not gonna take it as a challenge. Not gonna try and change your mind. Really isn't interested in it. Agrees that it really would feel a little too aggressive for the way he normally fucks you.

Normally . Jeongguk laughs to himself when he realises what he's just thought. You've not fucked enough times for there to be a 'normal'.

"What about you?" You deflect. "Any limits? Cucking? Ass play-"

"Woah, woah," he says. "Give me a chance to think, B."

"Sorry," you say shyly.

"Don't wanna be cucked," he says. "Switch it round, and like, I was fucking someone while their husband or whatever watched? Think I could get down with that," he says.

"Well, I'm not getting married any time soon, so."

"Exactly. It wouldn't work for us," he says, not even considering exploring it without you. "Now, ass play on the other hand?"

"Hmm?" You grin a little bit. You both know he's interested in it. Doesn't ever bloody shut up about arses.

"I like it," he shrugs. "Nothing, like... too extreme. Rimming, fingers, stuff like that? Yeah. I like it. Giving and receiving."

"Interesting," you nod, jotting these preferences down on a pad of sticky notes on his desk. He says nothing when you pick up his glasses and put them on. Knows you won't be able to see jack shit through them. Puts a checkmark in the box next to his mental list of things that gets him horny. "Nothing too extreme... Does that write-off pegging?"

He's quiet for a moment. Considers it. Then admits, "it really is one of the planes. Wasn't joking. Never done it... kind of... curious?"

"Curious," you nod. "Cool. I mean it's fine with me."

Jeongguk looks surprised at how quickly you just... agreed. Didn't even have to explain himself. "Really?"

"Yeah?" You laugh. "Gguk, I'm hardly gonna judge you, am I? And anyways, I fuck girls, too. I know my way around a strap."

He coughs. Always forgets, as if he hasn't quite literally seen you leave Dionysus before hand in hand with girls that aren't Danbi. Tries to cover his little splutter. "Good. Uh, I mean. Yeah. Good to know. Do you... you know?"

"Have one?"

He nods.

You shake your head.

"Seokjin," you start, before deciding that his name isn't welcome. "My ex, I mean. He wasn't a fan of... toys? I guess. I don't know. He was so prim and proper. Hated going to grab a condom and being greeted with a cock bigger than his."

Jeongguk laughs. Thinks maybe he'd be intimidated, too. "Okay. Kinda makes sense. Do you have any? Like toys, in general? I've not really ever experimented with them."

Curious how he doesn't mention the literal fleshlight in the drawer next to his dresser. Maybe he will one day. Just not today.

"Just a vibrator," you say without much care. You don't feel shy around him. "Went through a second purge after... my ex. Got rid of everything bedroom-related that he'd touched. So. Yeah. That's it."

He nods. "Well if there's stuff you wanna try in that department... I'd be up for it."

Jeongguk comes to join you by his desk and takes the sticky notes from your possession. He rips the block in half, two even piles now where there once was one. He tosses one of the halves back down to you, and grabs a pen before returning to his bed.

"Write the thing you want to try on the back of them. We'll stick them up so they look blank, then pick them off one by one and get them done," he says.

"It's like the birds all over again," you laugh, but Jeongguk gasps.

"Don't. They'll hear you and get sad you're replacing them."

"I could never replace them," you feign offence to his accusation. "I love our kids."

"And yet I'm the one with sole custody," he teases.

"Not for long," you assure him, nodding toward the three piled on his desk. "I'll report you for neglect and take over guardianship."

"Hey," he pouts. "This is their home. You can't take them."

"Fine then," you smirk. You like it when he's a little ridiculous with you. "I'll just move in."

"Fine," he shrugs. Fights a smile. Is so glad to have you back. Overwhelmingly pleased that things are now as they always were.

The pair of you jot down ideas for far too long, and end up covering an entire section of his wall in sticky notes.

Occasionally you call out ideas - "Threesome?" "Sixty-nine?" "Bondage?" - but are always met with the same response: "Shut up and write your damn sticky notes, Byeol."

By the time you're done, there are barely any sticky notes left. It's a lot of things to complete. A lot of resolutions to stick to. His wall is almost like an art installation, but you both know the real magic is hidden on the back of the notes.

Both looking at it, Jeongguk holds out his palm for you to slap yours against it.

"Good job, team," you nod.

"Well done us."

It's mid-afternoon and you're still feeling fragile. Jeongguk needs some sort of energy drink as a pick-me-up, so heads to the corner shop for you all. Jimin is also still in a state of disrepair on the sofa, but he has at least got Netflix going, now.

Sinking into the sofa next to him, Jeongguk's shirt hanging off you like a bloody parachute, you tuck your legs up onto the seat. Jimin groans, and asks if you feel like you've been hit full-pelt by a falling tree branch, to which you just nod.

"Whatever he put in those starfuckers last night must have been lethal," you hypothesize.

"Mhmm," Jimin agrees. "Was probably jealous we were having fun without him. Did I get home with you guys? Can't remember a fuckin' thing after midnight."

You shake your head, not that Jimin can see you. He can feel the slight movements of your body, though, and it makes his stomach lurch. His oesophagus burns from the vomit he's swallowed back down a handful of times already this morning, his system well and truly fucked from last night's escapades.

"Showed up at like... I don't even know," you admit. "Sun was rising, though."

"Christ."

"Mhmm," you hum. "Sat in your pants for a bit, then refused to go to bed. Felt like looking after a toddler."

Now this does make Jimin laugh - which he immediately regrets, 'cause his stomach feels like a stowaway log flume on a water rapid ride. He nestles his head further into the side of the sofa, then attempts to sit up. Thinks laying down impacts his bodily functions.

"Jeongguk ended up putting you to bed," you add, just to let him know.

Jimin's smile is soft. Childish. You know he's about to say something immature, but don't mind. It's nice not having to worry about escapades of the past when talking with him. "Daddy energy."

You snort. "Oh, the Daddiest."

"Bet you it's a thing for him," Jimin adds.

"What? Daddy?"

"Yeah. He's too... good," Jimin decides. You think he's trying to bait you. Trying to smoke you out. "So clean and tidy. Gotta be hiding some sort of filth."

You roll your eyes and toss a pillow in his direction. "Last thing I wanna do is think about what Jeongguk's like in bed," you say.

You aren't lying. You know it will get you all hot and bothered again. Don't need Jimin catching wind of it.

"Disco Ball," Jimin says with a flat voice and raised brows, as he turns to look at you, before nodding towards the mirror in the corner of the room.

Now that you aren't busy looking at Jeongguk getting you off in it, you notice that there are pictures lining the edges of it from photo booths - dozens upon dozens of them, their friends, people you know, people you don't. Makes you sad there are none of you. There's not much to show for your friendship, not just with Jeongguk but with any of the boys. Front and center, a pair of red lips and sultry eyes steal the spotlight in at least half of the photos. You hate the way it makes you feel, and how your tummy gets so twisted thinking about her.

Unaware of your turmoil, Jimin continues. "Look at yourself. You're covered in sparkles and wearing a shirt that we both know doesn't belong to you. You know who else is unusually covered in sparkles this morning?"

You don't answer.

"Exactly." Jimin's smile is so smug that you sort of wish he'd throw up, just to wipe it away.

"You're forgetting the part where I literally painted him in glitter last night," you say.

"I'm forgetting most of the night, DB - not that it matters. You two are about as subtle as a police siren."

"Men and women are perfectly capable of being friends without fucking," you say.

He nods. "True. Doesn't mean that you aren't fucking, though."

"Oh my God."

Jimin's grilling is interrupted by the sound of the keypad beeping on the door, sounding out Jeongguk's return.

"Hey," he calls through, a plastic bag rustling as he makes sure the door is properly shut.

Without even so much as missing a beat, Jimin perks back up. "Disco Ball was just telling me about what the pair of you got up to last night."

Jeongguk pauses. Turns his head slightly as if to question what the fuck Jimin is on about. "The part where we put you to bed, or something else?"

"The part where you took each other to bed."

"Funny," Jeongguk considers. "I'm pretty sure I'd have remembered it if I shagged last night."

"Oh don't give me this bullshit."

"What bullshit?" Jeongguk feigns confusion. "Guys and girls are perfectly capable-"

"Yes, I know!" Jimin almost cries. "God, you two are the worst. Just tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"That you fucked."

"You want us to tell you a lie?" Jeongguk says so plainly that it should almost concern you how good he is at lying.

"Why are you so interested anyway?" You laugh. "You wanna join?"

Jimin considers it for a moment. Jeongguk turns his nose up in disgust. "You are going nowhere near me."

"Oh, so DB can shag you, but I can't. Thanks, Jeongguk. Nice to know where I stand in the friendship hierarchy."

"We're not shagging you little cretin," Jeongguk stresses. "You've got a good ass, though."

This pleases Jimin. "Always knew you were secretly into guys, too."

Jeongguk just rolls his eyes. Doesn't bother correcting him, 'cause what's the use? Jimin wouldn't believe him anyways, or so it seems.

"What are we watching?" Jeongguk asks as he walks over to the sofa, tossing the bag of food down on the coffee table. He doesn't need to ask. He already knows, for it's always the same answer whenever Jimin is hungover and alone. The Notebook . "Which part are we at?"

He could sit anywhere, but chooses to plonk himself down right between you and Jimin. Nestles in. Makes himself comfy, even if it means you and Jimin both have to budge a little.

"Noah's just started restoring the house," Jimin says, to which Jeongguk nods.

He knows the plot just as well as his housemate, now. Watched it every weekend for a good couple of months after the Hayun debacle. Jimin had refused to let Jeongguk go home alone, so put his love for casual encounters on the back burner.

"Always makes me think of Yoongi," Jeongguk muses a little mindlessly.

You agree. You think Yoongi would absolutely restore a house for Seoyeon. It's an apt comparison. One that has you wondering if you'll ever have someone so devoted to you they'd do something like that. For a little while, you had thought that Seokjin would. Thought he loved you in a way that people wrote movies about. Thought that despite your troubles and your differences, it would be a love story that would be adored by the masses. Instead, it's now just a cautionary tale.

Glancing over to you, Jeongguk notices your subdued features.

"You good?" He whispers, nudging your knee with his.

You nod. Whisper back. "Hungover."

It's an answer he accepts, but whether or not he believes it is another thing. He leans forward and retrieves the bright blue bottle of Powerade from the bag. "Here. It'll help."

There's hesitancy to your acceptance, a small smile tickling on your lips. "Thank you."

"Shush," Jimin hisses. "I love this part."

He proves this by reciting every single line for the next scene - 'I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.' 'You wrote me?' 'Yes. It wasn't over. It still isn't over.' - before also deciding that he'll only feel better with a Powerade in his system, too.

Thankfully, Jeongguk planned ahead and got one for each of you. Casual conversation picks up, none of you too invested in the movie - apart from Jimin's occasional cutaways from the conversation to recite lines - and you find that things between the three of you are so incredibly easy. As much of a nightmare as Jimin can be, he's good fun - and he also gives both you and Jeongguk a buffer.

He's not sure about you, but Jeongguk knows he needs that buffer. He's still in that hideous state of hangover-horny that only a good nut can solve - but he's already fucked you. Twice within the last twelve hours. It's worse than usual. He decides that it's not his fault- but then he thinks about you indecently again, and finds himself getting all needy and hard when he really shouldn't be.

His hands are placed strategically, hiding the fact he's got a raging hard-on whilst sitting between two of his closest friends. He can't move. He cannot have Jimin seeing him like... this .

On the contrary, he wants you to see him like it. Wants you to know how badly he could do with another fuck. Thinks it would be a compliment.

It's not until Jimin goes to his room to a charger does Jeongguk reveal his affliction.

"B. We've got a problem," he whispers, lifting his hands to reveal exactly what he was concealing.

"Oh, Jesus," you gasp.

"I don't think he'll help," Jeongguk says with such a pained whine that it's hard not to laugh. "I think I'm gonna die."

"Just go get yourself off?" You suggest, because it seems like the most logical step to take. You can hear Jimin rustling about in his room. Jeongguk's hands cover himself again. "Unless..."

"God, I thought you'd never offer."

"I'm not!" You laugh.

"Okay, so you want me to die."

You roll your eyes. "You won't die."

"I might."

"You definitely won't."

"Definitely won't what?" Jimin asks as he reenters the room, phone cable in hand.

"Die alone," you say, trying to think fast, shooing away the elephant in the room. "He's worried. The film is scaring him."

"Ah yes," Jimin hums. "Romance movies. The most terrifying genre of all."

"You'd agree if you had my dating history," Jeongguk assures him, which earns a laugh.

"True."

It's sunset before you leave, and even then, Jeongguk thinks it's too soon. Wants you to stay round again. A sleepover. Wouldn't mind it without the sex; makeshift beds in the living room, midnight feasts. Would still probably end up fucking you before sunrise 'cause he's still a randy bastard and you still drive him insane, but that's neither here nor there.

Instead, he asks if you'll be around tomorrow. He'll go to the gym, but wants to grab coffee afterwards. Will probably need a friendly face, knowing how hellish it will be at Jiyeong's place of work.

How can you refuse?

Sometimes, Jeongguk's eyes are so sparkly you think he might have been a fairy prince in his past life. It's the only way to explain it. In a way, it feels like he lends his wings to you. Lifts you up. Assures you that despite all the toads, and beetles, and moles you may have kissed in the past, there'll be a bumblebee-riding fairy prince out the for you, too.

He's one of the good ones. A good boy. One that will be hard to let go of, you think as you make your way home.

And apparently, as you open your apartment door to far more of Taehyung's ass than you ever needed to see - "Holy shit." "Jesus Christ, close your eyes!" "On the fucking sofa?! Really?!" - it looks like Danbi's in just as much of a pickle as you are.

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

[bakugosbratx]

Tattoo Artist Eren Jeager

Tw: tattoos, smoking, fuckboy behavior, sex for tattoos, totally self indulgent.

A/N: I had this idea while being tattooed and now here we are. Enjoy :)

Tags: @nymphoheretic @lanarist @renhoeku

• Tatoo artist Eren Jeager who has suicideboys, NBA youngboy, and Post Malone blasting in his booth. Also, listens to heavy metal, hard rock, and some alternative. He likes a mix.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager who has a shit ton of black and gray tattoos on his arms.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager who is always a little too close for comfort when it comes to tattooing his clients. His hand really doesn’t need to be on your thigh or the way he has your arm positioned doesn’t need to brush against his dick, but no one is going to complain. And let’s not forget the subtle warm breath you feel from time to time on your skin coming from him.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager also vapes a lot. His booth always filled with smoke and if you have a problem with it, you can get the fuck out of his chair.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager is actually really good at his work. He does realism tattoos really well, but he also enjoys the older style tattoos also.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager definitely let’s people give him head for a discounted tattoo.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager seems cold as fuck, not much for conversation, but he doesn’t need to. His eyes do all of the talking. If he isn’t fuckin’ you physically, he’s fuckin’ you mentally.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager is popular on social media for how hot he is. People travel to see him all of the time. His books are very full so you better never cancel.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager has a mix of patchwork tattoos and also blackout on one of his arms or legs. He always wears black skinny jeans, black vans, and a black shirt that hugs his muscles tight. Sometimes his shirts have designs on them.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager does judge you for your tattoos. If you get something simple and stereotypical for your first tattoo, he is roasting your ass lmao. “Your zodiac sign? You believe in that astrology bullshit?” Yes, my first tattoo was my Leo sign

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager drives a truck. Don’t ask me why this matters because it don’t. But it’s nice. He also has a cool older car collection.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager eventually owns a shop. Not right away due to not wanting the responsibility, but he does get there.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager has earrings. Maybe eventually small gages, but he definitely has earrings in.

• Tattoo artist Eren Jeager is always worth the money. One way or another, you’ll always be a satisfied customer.

©bakugosbratx

All Rights Reserved — I don’t give anyone permission to repost, distribute, copy or re-use my works in any way. Especially not on other websites such as Tik Tok, Ao3, Wattpad, etc.

[drabbles-mc]

Never Been Us

Angel Reyes x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+, language, angst, mentions of character death

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: the way i've been so blocked up and unable to finish fics and somehow i finished 2 in the last 2 days. no idea where it came from but I'm not questioning it. i started and finished this tonight. throwing it out there before i can second-guess myself lmao

When Angel rolled into your driveway and saw your front door open, the first thing that went through him was panic. You’d never been the type that was stupid or reckless enough to leave your front door open. And with the way that things had been going in Santo Padre, what with the club and the cartels and Border Patrol moving in, you were less likely than ever to leave yourself so vulnerable. Hell, lately whenever Angel showed up your door had not only been closed, but also locked.

Putting the stand down on his bike, he left his helmet hanging off the handlebar and started making his way towards your front door. He’d pulled his gun from his kutte before he even had one foot on your front step. He kept his breath trapped in the back of his throat as he clutched his gun tight. He kept it pointed down towards the ground for now, but he was ready for that to change.

He stepped through the threshold, one boot hitting the paper-thin throw rug just inside your door. It hardly muffled the sound. Before he could bring the other half of his body into your house, though, you popped up, quickly coming around the corner.

The sudden nature of both your appearances had you both cursing in surprise. You hugged the box in your hands tighter to your chest as your half-yell turned into a sigh of relief mixed with exhaustion. All of the emotions that just shot through you were evident as ever as you said, “What the fuck, Angel?”

His eyebrows were still practically in his hairline as he tucked his gun back away again. “The fuck you got your door open for? Had me thinkin’ someone fuckin’ broke—” He cut his own sentence off as he really took in the sight of you, the box in your hands that was hastily labeled BEDROOM. “What…?”

The confusion on his face made you unable to keep meeting his eyes. Your gaze dropped to the box you were holding, the seams of cardboard and tape suddenly more interesting than you would’ve ever imagined they’d be.  Even though you weren’t looking directly at him, you heard the way he was shifting in the doorway, looking back at your pickup truck. You knew he’d see the other boxes you’d already stacked in the bed of it. You weren’t quite done loading up yet, but you were getting there.

He waited for you to look at him again before asking, “What’s going on?”

There was only one answer to his question, and it was an obvious one. But you knew that if the shoe was on the other foot you’d be doing the same thing—you’d need to hear him say it. Clearing your throat, you gave a shrug that accomplished nothing in terms of softening the blow of, “I’m leaving.”

His frown deepened, confusion transforming into hurt that almost had you rethinking your decision to get the hell out of Santo Padre. “L-leaving? You can’t…you can’t just leave.”

“Angel—”

“Nah,” he shook his head, “nah you don’t get to do that. You can’t just leave. You didn’t even—were you even gonna tell me?”

The lump in the back of your throat felt like it was on the brink of choking you. “Yeah.”

“Before you crossed fuckin’ county lines?”

Tears stung your eyes. “Angel, please.”

He backpedaled out your doorway and back onto your front step. “Don’t do that. Don’t say my name like that, like I fuckin’ matter to you.”

“You do—”

“You’re leaving me. You can’t stand there with your shit all boxed up,” he gestured to you and the bed of your truck, “and try to tell me I fuckin’ matter to you.”

There was no getting out of this argument now. It was an argument you’d been planning to have over the phone, an argument you were hoping would happen when there were more than a few area codes between you. You didn’t want it to be like this—not because he didn’t matter, but because he mattered too much. And you knew that if you had to look into those sad, puppy-dog eyes and tell him that you were leaving, and if you had to tell him why, you just might hang it all up and not leave at all. You couldn’t afford that.

There was no avoiding the argument but you didn’t want to do it while standing there holding a box that had books and trinkets from your bookshelf packed inside it.  You slipped past him without a word and walked down to your truck. Angel didn’t follow, hanging back and watching as you set the box on the tailgate and gave it a strong push to send it sliding and landing right alongside the others.

When you walked back past him and into your house, that was when he decided to follow you. He shut the door behind the two of you, following you through your now essentially empty home. It was strange for him to walk through your living room and not see all of your picture frames and plants, the art prints that had covered your walls. You stopped in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter and facing him. You watched him look around, take in the fridge that was no longer covered in magnets and photographs and takeout menus. No more dishes in the sink or drainboard, no more succulents on the windowsill. Seeing it all empty made him remember that you were just renting this place anyway, that you could pack up and leave whenever you wanted. And now you were. Then the hurt and anger swelled up in his chest again.

“Why?” he asked.

You let out a hollow laugh, raking your fingernails along your scalp before letting your arms fall back to your sides again. “You’re really asking me that? This…this town is fucked, Angel. You know that. I know you’ve been waist-deep in your shit with the club but…but that’s the exact type of shit I’m talking about.”

“This town’s always been fucked, querida,” he tried to argue, tried to pepper in a pet name like it would change anything. “What’s so different now?”

The answer to that question made bile creep up your throat. You didn’t think that you could say it to him. Not the real answer, the raw unedited cut of it. “Everything,” you answered, a shake to your voice that was never there when you talked to him.

“C’mon,” he said, tone softer than it had been this entire time as he stepped in towards you. “Don’t leave me like this. Don’t do this to me.”

“This isn’t just about you.”

“No, it’s not,” he agreed. He put his hands on your hips, pulling himself closer to you. His voice dropped to something just above a whisper. “After all the shit we—”

“We?” you cut him off, not yelling but your tone cutting nonetheless. “We? You’re choosing now to start throwing that word around?”

His brows came together, offended and confused. “What’re you talkin’ about? It’s always been us.”

You laughed, a cruel sound as tears prickled along your waterline again. “Oh, has it? It’s always been us?”

“Yeah, what’re you—”

“It’s never been us, Angel. Never. It’s been you, chasing around every girl who stumbles into that clubhouse and then running back to me when you get bored of them. It’s been you going out being reckless with the club and then coming to me when you need someone to patch you up, someone to tell you that you’re right and they’re all wrong. It’s been you coming to me whenever it’s fucking convenient for you.” You pushed him away, a half-hearted shove. “And it’s been me fucking letting you.”

“I—”

“And I would’ve been fine still doing that. You know that? Fucking sad, but I would’ve done it. Would’ve just kept right on pretending that it was enough, or that it was going to change. But then—” you stopped short, still not able to spit the words out. “I just can’t do it anymore, Angel.”

Despite Angel’s lack of ability to really commit, to really let himself be with you in the way that you really wanted, he’d always done his best with what little he had for you. Over the years he’d been your shoulder to cry on, his flannels becoming tissues for you. He’d set you loose in the scrapyard when your anger bubbled up so much that you needed to break something because it was the only alternative you had to hurting yourself or someone else—even gave you the gloves and safety glasses to do it the right way. He’d kept the other side of your bed warm when you were both feeling lonely, making the lines defining what you two were really start to blur.

He’d been there with you through all of that and yet he hadn’t ever seen the emotion saturating your expression now. He’d never seen you so afraid. Your arms were crossed tightly over your chest, fists clenched as tightly as you could manage. Your leg bounced no matter how much you tried to will it to stop. He’d never seen you like this. How had it gotten so bad?

He stepped in close to you again. Placing his hands on the outsides of your arms, he gave you a light, reassuring squeeze. “What’s got you so scared?”

You shook your head, staring down at the floor because you couldn’t make yourself look at him. “I can’t.”

“What?”

“I can’t stay here. I can’t be comfortable here. I’m not…I’m not safe here.”

He brought one hand up to cup the side of your face. His thumb traced gently along your cheek in a way that made your bottom lip tremble. “I’ll always keep you safe, querida. You know that.”

He sounded so earnest but you knew too much now to be able to believe it. You’d tried. God, you had tried so hard to buy into that the last few weeks but you just couldn’t fool yourself. “I don’t.”

“What the fuck happened?”

Tears finally made their way to your cheeks, racing along the lines of Angel’s hand as it remained holding your face. You didn’t want to say it. You didn’t even want to think about it, but it’s all that was playing through your mind. Truthfully, it was the thing that had been playing through your mind every day since it had happened.

You could still hear it so vividly, the sound of him pounding on the door to your house. It hadn’t been his bike engine that woke you up, it was his aggressively frantic knocking on your front door. Looking back you were surprised that he hadn’t slammed it clean off its hinges. You were also surprised that you hadn’t tripped and fallen half a dozen times on your way to the front door from your bedroom because your eyes weren’t fully open and you weren’t anywhere close to fully awake.

“Alright, alright!” you half-shouted from your side of the door. You dumbly fiddled with the locks until they came undone.

Angel practically threw himself through the door. He was haphazardly grabbing for you, leaving for you to try and untangle yourself from his long limbs just to be able to close and lock the door again. You’d hardly heard the click of the lock and he was pulling you tight to him. He had his arms wrapped around you in such a way that you couldn’t even effectively hug him back. You just pressed your cheek against his hoodie, helpless to do anything else.

“Talk to me,” you said, managing to free one of your arms so that you could do your best to return his embrace.

He mumbled something into your shoulder, words that you couldn’t make out. He finally pulled back away from you, far enough so that you could see his face, the smears of blood that disappeared into the coarse hairs of his beard.

“It’s all my fault,” the words fell from his lips, raspy and choked as he repeated the sentence over and over again. “It’s all my fault. I, it’s all my fuckin’ fault.”

“What’s your fault, Angel?”

The sound of you saying his name got him to look at you, tears in his eyes and worry creasing his brow deeper than you thought was possible. His stare was so sad, so intense it had you pinned to the spot. Even when he pulled away from you, you felt like you couldn’t step in close to him again, feet glued to the floor. That was when you saw it, though, all the blood standing his palms and fingers.

You swallowed hard, what little exhaustion had still been clinging to you completely froze away. “Angel, talk to me. What happened?”

He looked down at his hands and then back at you. he knew what you were seeing, could only imagine what you were thinking. “I didn’t—it wasn’t supposed to go down like that. I tried to save her but I couldn’t…”

You finally forced yourself to move. You collapsed the distance he’d put between you. “Who?”

“Gaby,” he forced out, shaking his head in disbelief as he did.

Fear shot down your spine. “What?”

“It’s all my fault,” he said again. “I shouldn’t have—I tried to—fuck,” his voice cracked and he gave up on trying to say anything else.

You had wanted more answers in the moment, but back then you hadn’t been able to ask for them. Instead you cleaned him up. You threw his clothes in the wash. You let him slip underneath the covers next to you and keep you wrapped up so tightly for what little was left of the night that you couldn’t even fall back to sleep. The next morning he was still there, eyes hollow as he made a pot of coffee in your kitchen. That morning he was standing almost exactly where he was standing right in front of you now.

Forcing yourself to stay in the present, you finally said, “You know what happened.”

He shook his head. “I don’t.”

“Everyone’s fuckin’ dying, Angel. I, I don’t wanna be next.”

“Hey, come on now. You know I’d never let that shit happen to you.”

You scoffed, more tears spilling down your cheeks. “I’m sure that’s what EZ told Gaby, too.”

Angel flinched at that, immediately deflating. You had never brought it up again after that night. Neither did he. Weeks went by and the two of you seemingly went back to normal, like that entire night had never happened. But it did happen. Gaby was dead—that part you knew. What you didn’t know, what Angel hadn’t told you, was that EZ was the one who had killed her. Angel blamed himself, especially after EZ had told him what his final conversation with Gaby had been, why he had decided it was the only thing to do. Angel was carrying around all that guilt but he hadn’t been the one who pulled the trigger. That was all EZ. That was all the guy who had promised to keep Gaby safe.

His voice was a whisper as he spoke, like he didn’t even fully believe himself. “This ain’t like that, though.”

“But it is,” you said, voice shaking. “Or it will be. That’s what this town, this world,” you rested your hand on the flash stitched into his kutte as you said it, “does. I can’t keep feeling like I’m on borrowed time.”

He sniffled, trying to stuff his emotions back down where he used to keep them so comfortably. “So you’re just gonna leave, then? Run away?”

You knew he wanted an argument. Being angry was so fucking easy. You didn’t want to give into it. “If it keeps me alive, then yes. I lo—” you stopped and switched course, “I care about you, Angel. But I’m not looking to die for anyone. I’m not…I’m not made for this.”

He was holding your face with both hands now, palms that just a few weeks before had been coated with blood. “Don’t leave me like this. Please.”

“Come with me.” It was your final offer, one you hadn’t planned on extending until the words were tumbling out.

He shook his head. “Don’t.”

“Come with me.” You rested your hands on top of his. “Get out and away from all this shit. We’ll start over.”

“It ain’t that simple.”

You threaded your fingers with his. “It is. Pack up your shit and throw it in my truck. And we’ll leave. That simple.”

He pulled his hands away from yours, stepping back from you again. Shaking his head, he brushed his hand quickly across his eyes—erasing any hint of tears and emotion that had been there until then. “I’m not running just ‘cause you are.”

“Maybe you should. Or maybe,” you shrugged helplessly, “maybe it was never about me—not for you, anyway.”

That gave him pause. He tried to get his expression to harden, give that tough, neutral gaze, but he couldn’t get it quite right. “I shouldn’t’a come here.” He shook his head. “Should’a let you run off with no goodbye the way you wanted.”

“Angel—”

He took another step back, getting himself closer and closer to your front door one stride at a time. “Go ahead, then. Get the fuck out—away from this town, away from me. Fuckin’…fuckin’ go.”

He turned on his heel and kept walking. It took a few seconds to will your feet to move, to go after him. Even with his long strides you were able to catch up before he reached the door.

“Angel.” You stepped in front of him. “Stop.”

You saw the mist in his eyes. Still, he tried to keep his voice sharp. “You’re leaving. No point in me staying here to watch you pack up the rest of your shit.”

You opened your mouth to try and say something else, try to conjure up something that would get him to change his mind. He didn’t let you. Pushing past you, he ripped open your door and stormed out of the house. Maybe it was just as well—it wasn’t as though you were going to come up with a magical string of words to get him to leave with you. Still, the impact of his shoulder slamming against yours hurt far more on an emotional level than it did on a physical one.

Turning, you went out onto the step. Your lip began to quiver as you watched him throw his leg over his bike and get ready to peel off. The sound of the engine seemed deafening, and you wonder how it hadn’t woken you on that night weeks ago. Then it got quieter the farther he rode. Then it was silent again. And all you could do was walk back inside to get the next box, leaving the door open behind you.

Angel Reyes Taglist (If you want to be added to any of my taglits, please let me know!): @withmyteeth @garbinge @darqchilddaydreamz @narcolini @justreblogginfics

@winchestershiresauce @rosieposie0624 @kelpies-shed @beardburnsupersoldiers @proceduralpassion

@artemiseamoon @fanfic-n-tabulous @justazzi @danzer8705 @camelia35

@cositapreciosa @choochoo284 @crowfootwrites

[milogreer]

wedding liveblog 💖

OK WEDDING TIME HERE WE GOOO

“you’re beautiful in the morning, all sleepy and cuddly” i’ll bite you david so help me god

courtney stopping mid-sentence to go “ ….. it just occurred to me he has to say vows.” LFHSKFHS

david’s laugh is literally like magic

ASHER’S SO NERVOUS AWW 🥺

driver darlin yeehaw 🫡 darlin trying to enforce not seeing your spouse before the wedding so they can drive “the fun group” YAAYYY PACK LISTENERS ILYSM

“asher, we spent your bachelor party playing destiny 2” HAHAHA

THE SILENT ASS CAR RIDE HELP MEEEE not even any fuckin words on the tape 😭😭😭 WHY IS THIS SECTION SO LONG

“fix your hair!” “it’s supposed to look like this!” “are you trying to look like you got married in a wind tunnel?”

screaming crying sobbing at milo being so nervous abt being officiant and sam reassuring him 🥺😭💕

DAVID FIXING ASHER’S TIE AND ASH ASKING WHY DAVID CHOSE HIM AS BETA IM GOING TO BE SICK !!!!

“take the chance of saying something that’s not perfect if it means you really get to say what you feel.” i need to go lie down. i can’t take him talking about gabe rn I CAN’T

THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR COIN??? i am actually so fucking sick these two are unbelievable. “the one person i trusted more than anyone else. you made me feel safe at a time when i needed that more than anything else” ……….

asher holding onto this for so many years is so fucking sad bro ASHERRR I LOVE YOU :(

TRIO HUG YEAAAHHHH !!!!!

“being asher and david’s plucky sidekick for the greater part of two decades” MILO 🥺💕

i’m going to fucking cry at milo quoting gabe about the pack being a promise SHUT UP 😭😭

THE SILENT VOWS STOP LMAO it’s funny every time i can’t lie

david’s voice breaking after like four words i know that’s right. big ol softy. crybaby

YAYYY MARRIED CONGRATULATIONS TO THE HAPPY COUPLES 💖💖💖

[professeurm]

end of days (1x13) is such a roller-coaster

jack saying she would know after she was arguing saying everyone has feelings, including Owen, IS SO CRAZY. THE SASS

i love andy, he's so silly

tosh seeing her mom? wtf.. she's pretty cute

ianto manhandling a weevil? hot

LISA IS BACK?! w hoever did that to my baby boy is fucked for that

owen fighting against jack? OH it's finally happening

OWEN GETS FIRED?!

bilis is so crazy and goofy

DIANE IS HERE?! THAT IS SO FUCK UP

"no one panics" gwen starts panicking. classic gwen lmao

BILIS KILLS RHYS?!? OH MY FUCKIN GOD WHAT THE HELL BILIS

yall why she dissing everyone like BRO THE SAME THING HAPPENED IANTO GIRLFRIEND

the way jack looks over to ianto after owen says he going to open the rift and really thought he was going to do when he left. the absolutely betrayal on his face when he says no. wow, he's a big boy now

the dissing from jack his team is wild and THE COMMENT ABOUT GWEN SLEEPING WITH OWEN omg.. bro that was so good i can't even judge badly on that

OWEN OVERKILLS JACK?!

ianto kneeling beside his dead body. omg honey... now ur worry?!!

ianto grabbing the coat because he knows jack needs it

the two clinging onto each other? omg girly how sweet 🥹

man this monster is pretty ugly and everyone is playing andy's coming like bro get up it ain't even andy

jack in agony? omg stop not my boy pls 😭

THEY KILLED HIM OMG STOP what's new like honestly he's so self sacrificing

gwen ik you want to sit with him but can you let ianto do it instead? like bro is probably hella worry about his lover

NOT IANTO CRYING. STOP. HE GRABBED THE COAT AND SNIFF IT. YALL STOP OMFG 😭😭

there ain't no way she kiss him and he came back. IT SHOULD'VE BEEN IANTO

tosh running to him and hugging. omg stop im crying

THEY KISSED FOR THE FIRST TIME ON SCREEN AND IN FRONT OF THE TEAM?! LEETTSSS FUCCCKING GOOOO. FUCK YOU GWEN AND UR WET DREAMS ABOUT THE CAPTAIN

owen and jack hug, and him forgiving owen. BRO IM IN TEARS 😭😭

oh fuck... the doctor is back... oh shit he's running away. BRO YOU JUST FIX EVERYTHING WITH YOUR TEAM, OMG BRUH

[amourtoken]

just thinking about being overstimulated by ruby...half of the time he doesn't do it on purpose but when he does he's on a MISSION.

and also just him being the fuckin sweetest ;( always managing to brag about you/bring you up in a sly manner during one of their very few interviews. constantly calling and texting you bc he wanted to 'hear your voice/ask if you wanted to hang out' bc he loves having u around

UGHGDGGHHH yeah. (Also I had an ask recently for a ruby/plus size reader so imma mix that in here for the sake of time lmao thnx nonnie who asked for it <3)

You're his prized possession, truly. Every chance he gets he's gushing about you and your achievements or little things he loves about you. Every interview he manages to sneak in a few comments about his sweet little gf and it always makes your heart swell cause it proves he's always got you on his mind. When he's on the road without you, you barely get a break from him then either (not that you wanted one anyway). He's constantly calling, texting, facetiming, anything he can to stay in touch and hear your pretty voice :(((

If everything else in his life is hard, you're the softest thing imaginable. When he comes home and you immediately drop everything to nearly tackle him in a hug and press a thousand kisses all over his face he really does feel all the stress of the day slide off his body instantly. He'd absolutely sweep you off your feet when you're hugging him, either holding you bridal style or wrapping your legs around his waist just to get you closer to him. It's been too long, any amount of time away from you is too long. He decides to show you just how much he missed you.

You're a giggly mess when he drops you on the bed, hands immediately tugging your pants down your legs as you lift your hips to help him out. He'll never get tired of these moments, every time he sees you naked it's like the first time and he feels kinda dumb for it but his heartbeat races in his chest and his hands get a little shaky in anticipation. He really can't get enough of how soft you are in contrast to him either, inside and out. Thick thighs, plush hips, soft tummy, all of it. He's fucking addicted. You're sat at the edge of the bed, legs spread for him and arms reaching for him, trying to pull him into bed but he's busy admiring the view. He'll never get tired of the way you're always so ready for him, or the pretty little sounds you make when he leans over you and runs two of his fingers through the slick mess between your legs.

You make the prettiest noises, it just fuels him. He needs to hear more. He drags your hips closer to the edge of the bed and settles on his knees, his hands behind yours to push your legs apart so he has easy access. You whine and your back arches off the bed when he buries his face in your pussy, you can literally feel him smiling while he eats you out, what a dick. You go to lace your fingers in his hair but he pulls back to reprimand you, making you keep your hands to yourself and above your head.

"You can keep 'em there yourself or I can tie 'em to the fuckin' headboard. Your choice."

now you're nearly convulsing and your hands are shaking while he fucks you with his tongue, nose brushing your clit every so often making your hips bucks off the bed but he quickly presses them back down. The coil in your belly is tightening insanely fast, maybe cause it's been a while since you've seen him or maybe it's the experience as a whole but either way you know you can't hang on much longer. You whine and beg for him to fuck you right so you can cum on his cock but he assures you this won't be the only time you cum tonight, you're filled with both excitement and dread. You don't have much time to ruminate though when he releases one of your knees to sink two fingers knuckle deep in your pussy while he sucks at your clit until your vision is blurry. You cum with a yelp of his name and he adds a third finger, slowing his rhythm so you can really ride the feeling out. The only thing is that he doesn't stop as you start to come down, he lets go of your other leg to tease your clit with his hand and you're struggling to keep your hands above your head while he continues.

The burning overstimulating feeling picks up quickly but you can't bring yourself to stop him, he leans over you to spit on your pussy for extra lube, your head is pressed back into the sheets and your chest heaving while Ruby works to pull another orgasm from you. It doesn't even take long, but right as you cum he fumbles with his sweats, tugging them down just enough to free his cock so he can sink into you while you ride out your second high. He groans at the feeling of you pulsing around him, fingers digging into your hips to keep you steady (or maybe himself tbh). You feel so full you could cry, especially when Ruby presses himself as deep as he can get, grinding right up against your cervix and laughing when your voice breaks into the most pathetic moan imaginable.

"Fuck- always so fuckin' good for me- lettin' me do whatever the fuck I want to you. You're such a slut. Just for me though, yeah?"

you try to respond but he pulls out to the tip and slams back into you just as you start, immediately stealing all the breath from your lungs and words from your mouth. Your lower half feels like it's on fire at this point but fuck it feels so good at the same time. Ruby holds himself up with a hand next to your head and his other hand slides between you to resume his torture on your abused clit. You squeeze him so fucking tight when you get close he can't help but edge you for a while, dragging you right to the moment before your orgasm before pulling his hand away entirely and slowing his thrusts. You're pouty and teary eyed by now, just pleading with him to let you cum or to stop because the feeling is too much.

"Maybe if you ask right I'll let you cum on my cock. Use your words baby, say 'please daddy let me cum' like a good girl"

Your brain is too fried to argue and you're right at the edge again, legs shaking pathetically and stomach tensing. You immediately repeat his words like a mantra, fat tears running down your cheeks by now at the feeling of his cock nailing that perfect spot inside you over and over. Ruby delivers on his promise, speeding up his assault on your clit until the coil in your tummy unwinds and has you screaming. He immediately pulls his hand off and presses it to your lower stomach, fucking himself into you hard enough to feel his tip against his palm through your belly.

"That's right- fuck- good girl, good fuckin' girl-"

he doesn't let up on his thrusts until he's spilling inside you and your vision is swimming with black spots, he's panting above you and you can feel all the excess cum dripping out of you around his dick and onto the sheets but that's a mess to worry about later. You're just starting to slowly recover when he picks you up off the bed, both arms wrapped under your legs for support and presses your back to the wall next to your bed, fucking himself into your slowly still. His face is pressed against your neck and his breath keeps getting caught I'm his throat. Sure he started this to overstimulate the hell out of you but now it's his turn to torture himself a little.

[socra-time]

Naruto Episode Comments, Ep 31-40

Ep 31:

-again, I like that other characters are doing the title voiceover instead of Naruto (it’s Lee this time)

-god the writer is really doing Sakura so fucking dirty

-I love Lee so much, he’s my cringefail but also badass son

-Neji was NOT having any of Team 10’s bullshit

-the way Sakura says Lee’s full name makes it sound like she’s saying “broccoli”

-I like that even though Neji is kinda an edgelord and clearly looks down on others, he’s still more cooperative with his team than Sasuke is. It’s clear that he’s more experienced than Sasuke

-at this point Lee has had two fights and Sakura has still had zero. Justice for Sakura

Ep 32:

-finally Sakura gets to do something hoorayyyy. -The hair-cutting moment was nice actually

-little Ino’s hair is so cute, she should’ve kept it short

-why do Ino and Sakura have more of a compelling relationship than Sakura and Sasuke do lmao

Ep 33:

-the soundtrack switchup into more upbeat music was kinda jarring ngl

-I love how Shikamaru and Choji don’t even object to Ino calling their team “Team Ino”

-Shikamaru’s shadow possession is one of the cooler powers we’ve seen so far, I’m curious to see if there’s anything besides immobilization he can do with it

-aw I actually like Team 10 more than I thought I would

-I love how it’s this big deal that Sasuke was going to kill someone when a couple episodes ago Kiba, Shino, and Hinata literally trapped people with man-eating leeches

Ep 34:

-Lee is so pure of heart, dumb of ass. I feel like I might not have liked him as much if I watched this show as a kid but I actually adore him

-awwww the kiddos are bonding

-Neji needs to get his antisocial ass down from the trees and talk to the others

-Akamaru is such a lil babyyyyyyy I wanna give him hug

-Kiba wanting to steal more scrolls has its pros and cons but he’s kinda right? As people with good tracking abilities, Team 8 kinda has an advantage in this phase of the exam, so they might as well press that advantage and pick off a bit of the competition

-lmao not Kiba calling Gaara tiny-

-the implications of Kiba smelling blood in Gaara’s sand are so fucked-up. Like he’s killed so many people with the sand that there’s just blood mixed in there

-Jesus fucking Christ Gaara

-Gaara has officially won the edgelord competition and it’s not even close

Ep 35:

-I fully thought the Heaven and Earth scrolls would be blank ngl

-Naruto and Sakura should have consulted with Sasuke before deciding to open their scroll, it should have been a team decision

-Naruto really sucks at all aspects of being a ninja that don’t involve duking it out with enemies

Ep 36:

-I like the muffled vocal effect on the illusions guy

-Naruto is one tenacious fucker lmao

-and Sasuke continues to not be able to catch a break

Ep 37:

-Iruka is so fond of Naruto and it’s so cute

-Lee and Gai continue to be peak characters

-this government system sounds kinda sus ngl

Ep 38:

-there were a lot of “secret” conversations in this episode that were in blatant earshot of other people. Like Anko was literally yelling at Kakashi about how dangerous the curse mark was in front of all the genin

-I don’t think I like that Sasuke goes in the first match, it cuts some of the hype buildup

-and as usual Sasuke can’t catch a fuckin break

Ep 39:

-to the surprise of absolutely no one, Sasuke won

-the sharingan is so fucking broken and ngl if I had to work super hard to train my jutsu and then here comes Sasuke fucking Uchiha who just… copies it, I’d be pissed as hell

-Sasuke really should have told Naruto about the curse mark. Like he says it’s because they’re a team and he doesn’t want Naruto to worry, but also they’re a team so he should TELL HIS TEAMMATES what’s going on with him

-the theme that plays when Orochimaru reveals himself to Kakashi goes so hard

Ep 40:

-Shino is so fucking cool but also I would never ever ever want to fight him

-“Orochimaru stop taking advantage of vulnerable hurt children by offering them power” challenge: failed epically

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 2

♡ Summary: Carmy & Syd go horseback riding!!! Carmy's therapy friends push him to go for what he wants, his 'light at the end of the tunnel'

♡ W/C: 6,534

♡ Posted Date: 04/07/2024

♡ A/N: Hayoooo!!! I am too inspired... this has become a multi-chap fic hahaha I am havin' so much fun here!! Thank you @gingergofastboatsmojito for inspiring me to keep going!!! ILY! As per usual please know - this fic was inspired by THIS FIC here - Tucson by the GLORIOUS GINGER!!!! Go read that before you even THINK about reading this fic ok?! I love how I hate storer for the same reasons but im a sucker for writing a slowburn - I find myself screaming at MYSELF internally "make them kiss already!!!!" but they will KISSSS SHORTLY SO SHORTLY MY DEARSSSS !!! It will be a JUICY TAYLOR SWIFT DAYLIGHT ASS KISS OK!!!! THEY WILL ONLY SEE EACHOTHER FROM THEN ON!!!! Its gonna be a 'and I can still see it all in my mind all of you all of me intertwined I USED TO THINK LOVE WOULD BE BLACK AND WHITE BUT ITS GOLDENNNNNNN. We need Carmy to realize a few more things but then - he will be hozier level devoted to this woman even more then he already is, I hope you enjoy!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Not really any? Like? LOL - Swearing?! Smoking cigarettes?! They just went horseback riding & carmy went to therapy- oh Ig talks of carmy getting hard LMAO but thats as crazy as we get this chapter. ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

Stardust nudges his shoulder so hard he almost falls over, and he turns to look at her. His heart jumped into his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. She was there, she was really there. 

“Uh-” he blinked a few times, to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear. “Syd? Hey..uh-” he felt his entire body buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his features. She looked… gorgeous. Carmen wasn’t sure there actually was a word in any human language ever to exist that could describe just how wonderful she looked. 

Her hair was in its natural state, she was wearing an adorable corduroy jacket, black jeans, and white sneakers. “You came to a farm…in those?” he motions to her shoes. 

She laughs a bit “Wow- it’s great to see you too, Carm. Didn’t realize you were…actually like living on a farm” she approached him carefully. 

“Shit- yes- fuck- It’s its so good to see you, Syd, C’mere” he pulls her into a tight, long hug. The smell of her lavender vanilla perfume nearly made him melt. 

“You’re like…tan- and…muscley now” She laughs a bit, squeezing his arm lightly. 

“Uh..” he pulled away, cheeks bright red. “Yeah uh.. It's like- fuckin hard t’ride a horse. And the um…” he rubbed his neck nervously “The uh cows.. They eat hay? Most the time, and so we need to move the bales during the morning for em, they’re like…. 75? 80 pounds? So moving like 10 back and forth every day helps. And I dont really.. Go inside? Here? Its like… uh.. Thats the therapy mostly, the animals- at least f’me” he said sheepishly. 

She nodded, looking around the stable. “That one behind you is yours? Shes been side-eying me creepily since I started talking” she pointed to Stardust. 

“Oh! Fuck sorry yea, well- no…not- not mine- I got ‘er t’trust me. But uh, yeah this is Stardust. She’s a super sweet girl” He explained. Stardust leaned in, sniffing Syds hair carefully. 

“Cute- All you’re missing is a hat” She teased.

He chuckled a bit,  “Ok, c’mon - why are you here, Syd” He said with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged, looking at the ground and kicking a rock out of the way with her shoe. “Cause…I was worried- I dunno…” She definitely wasn't going to get bold and tell him that she’d missed him, terribly.

“Ok…well now that y’here, and y’see i’m okay…wanna have some fun?” He asked, a small smile on his lips.

Syd looked back up at him, as if he had 3 heads. “Okay- Where is Carmen Berzatto- Not his… Weird alien clone- Camren Brazota” she said, laughing a bit “what do you mean fun?” She asked, and Carmy laughed, real, and genuine. 

“Well- If I didn’t change my view a little I’d never leave. So, yes, Syd, ‘a little fun never hurt noone’ - per my therapist. Shes fuckin annoying. I much prefer the horses.” He pet Star’s mane and she leaned into his touch.

“Holy shit” Syd laughed a bit. “Wow- alright. I feel like you’re a whole new man already, what kind of fun?” she mused. 

“Ever ridden a horse?” he walked over to the saddle rack, pulling off a double seated one and hanging it over the back of the stall door. 

“No- Actually, Don’t I need um…like - stuff for it?” she asked. 

“Oh don’t think I wont give you the full experience” he opened the riding closet, “Whats your shoe size?” he asked, crouching down and looking through the pairs of extras. 

“8? Er- 9 probably 9” she said. He dug through them until he found a matching pair.

“These should do, y’stuff is cool here we can just leave it in her stall” he told her, holding out his arm for her to hold while she switched her shoes.

“You seem like…” she said as she slipped off her sneaker and put on the boot. “I dunno…chill- well- i wont go that far- but chill-er then before.” Carm snorted a laugh, holding on to her arm to steady her. 

“Thanks? I guess..that’s good right?” He asked. 

“Yeah! Yeah of course…I mean, it’s nice. To see you not so…anxious.” She said, slipping the other boot on. 

“Yeah I um…” he cleared his throat, opening the stall door. “I uh..I’m takin meds- Now? Uh..all this shit. Y’know they have me like tranquilized more then these guys” he said and she laughs, Carmen smiled proudly at the fact, relishing in the wonderful sound. 

“But yeah like Like 3 er..er 4. they say I had all this uh..mental shit. Goin’ on w’me and that’s why I was all…wound up I guess” he explained, calling Star out and getting her harness situated. 

Syd caught herself staring at his arms as he worked, how the toned muscle moved beneath the fabric of the shirt. 

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, noticing he wasn’t wearing a jacket like she was. 

“Used to it now, well- I mean the moving around. It gets hot this shit is heavy. Wanna try to hold the saddle?” He asked, unhooking the saddle from the stall door where he’d left it momentarily. 

“It can’t be that bad” she countered. 

“I think this thing weighs probably as much as you do.” He said “hold out your arms” he smiled a bit. 

She lifted her arms out in front of her and he plops the saddle down, she had to plant one of her feet forward so she didn’t fall face first due to the sudden weight and he laughed, catching the saddle quickly and baring most the weight. 

“Told you” he teased. 

She rolled her eyes “yeah whatever. Saddle up the horse, cowboy” she dropped the saddle back in his arms. He hurled the saddle over Stars back with a grunt. 

“Fuckin hell” he huffed, realizing since the saddle was nearly double the weight as his usual, and being on the shorter end- he couldn’t just get it on her when she was standing straight. “Bow” he told the horse and she just stared at Sydney. 

“Don’t embarrass me, Star. Bow” he told her and she looked the other way. 

“So uhhh…this one’s trained, huh?” Sydney teased. 

Carmen looked back at her “mmhmm maybe she doesn’t like strangers” he said, walking over to the other side. 

“Since she’s bein difficult y’gonna have T’help. C’mere” he waved her over and she followed. “So when I push it up, just grab the saddle pad and make sure it doesn’t move, yea?” He asked. 

“The fuck is a saddle pad, dude- I know my way around a kitchen not a fuckin horse stable.” She looked at the many different layers the horse was already wearing. 

“Alright. So this,” he lifted the cloth, “is her blanket. Keeps her core warm. And beneath it” he pats the pad “this is her saddle pad, it makes it more comfortable. So our bones aren’t like..diggin in her back and shit. Also shock, when she jumps the foam of it helps our weight disperse. The saddle is so big and heavy I can’t keep the pad still at the same time, so just hold it f’me,” he took her hand, guiding it to where he wanted her to hold. 

She felt her heartbeat quicken, his hands were so large and calloused on top of her own. She nodded wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on where she was meant to be holding and focusing on keeping it steady as he went back around and carefully lifted up the heavy saddle with a grunt, laying it over the horses back. 

“Jesus- how much can this thing carry” Syd asked. 

“Well she is a mare, she weighs about…mmm- 1900? She can comfortably hold about 400 pounds for a decent distance but she can’t do that for hours and hours at a time. We together can’t be more then 300, and her gear is less then 100 pounds. Were just goin f’r a quick ride, I gotta get to therapy at 3” he explained as he buckled on her saddle. 

“Ah. So you’ve been memorizing horse information instead of creating recipes? I figured when I got here you’d have gone nuts by now without being in a kitchen so long” she gently touched the horses mane as she spoke. 

“Maybe. Well…I am kinda goin crazy? But I can’t…let it out?” He chuckled a bit “does that make sense? Nights are a little hard before my sleep meds kick in but that just says I haven’t done enough that day” he got up. “So y’gettin up first since I’m sittin in back” he explained. 

“Oh…uh- ok how do I?” She asked looking up at the at least 7 foot tall animal. 

“Y’not gonna be able to do it alone. C’mere” he told her. She comes over and looks at him. 

“How the fuck do you do this?” She looked up at the saddle that was at the top of her head before looking back at him. 

“So-“ he snorts a laugh at her wide confused expression. “She’s not gonna like you trying to roll up on her back, and I don’t want you t’get thrown off, she can be moody with new people. I almost broke my shoulder my first time trying to ride her” he said and she crossed her arms slightly. 

“So how. How do I get up there?” She asked. He pulled out a step stool, setting it next to the horse and getting up on the third step. 

“I’m giving you a lift. Arms up” he said with a playful smirk. 

“No- no way- Carmen that’s too high. You’ll drop me!!” She took a step back, feeling slightly nervous. 

“I won’t because I’ll bribe her Syd. C’mere” he pulled a pack of peep marshmallows out of his pocket and the horse nearly starts dancing. 

“Carm- what the fuck is happening?” She asked and Carmy chuckled. 

“Bow. Cmon Syd wants t’ride. Bow and you’ll get y’treat star.” He told the horse. 

It obediently bowed down and before Syd could process what was happening, Carm was scooping her up beneath her arms Syd squealed in surprise. “Oh my GOD WHY ARE YOU PICKING ME UP!” She shrieked, wiggling in his arms. 

“open y’legs! Cmon! she’s gonna get up!!!” Carmen laughed holding her up higher. Syd finally obeyed and he gently plopped her on the first saddle. “Good girl” he told the horse, feeding her the marshmallow and putting the packet in his pocket again before swiftly getting on behind Syd. 

“Alright. Hard part done.” He reached around her waist, and she lifted her arms slightly. 

“What- can you tell me what’s going on? I’m a horse virgin!” She said, and they both went quiet for a moment, before cracking up laughing. Syd leaned to her left slightly as she tried catching her breath, grabbing the rein for stability and tugging. 

Star took off sprinting, Syd screamed in surprise, her body going tight with fear. Carmen quickly wrapped his arms around Syds waist protectively, tugging on the reigns “WOOOOAH!” He called to Star and she quickly came to a stop. 

“Stand.” He told the horse firmly. 

“What the fuck Carm I thought she was trained!” Syd exclaimed, gripping onto his forearms for dear life. 

“I gotchu, you think I’d let her kick you off?” He tightened his arms around her. Carmen swore his heart was thumping so hard that she felt it on her shoulder blade. 

“Also when she moves it’s hard to keep still.” She said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, I gotchu, Syd. Lean into me, if our weight is centered then it’ll be easier for all 3 of us” he gently pushed at her stomach. 

She leaned back into his broad chest, “see” he said softly. He was lucky the angle didn’t allow for her to see him, because his face was bright red, And having her body pressed against his…was making him flush somewhere else too. 

He clicked his tongue and Stardust started walking again, at an easy comfortable trot. “This…is ok.” She said, much more comfortable now. 

“I’m gonna take you t’one of my favorite spots.” He said, pulling on the reins to the left lightly so she would follow the left trail. 

“Wow, already sharing secret spots huh? I think this therapist may just be Doctor of the year I don’t even think I’ve seen your favorite Chicago spots” she teased. 

Carm laughed a bit, he felt so much lighter with Syd around. And life had been lighter ever since he got here. 

“How is…uh- how is it back home?” He cleared his throat lightly. It was something that had being weighing on him. Yes, he was here, he was doing the thing. He was making Sugar happy. He was making Syd happy…but he would go back, at some point. 

And his biggest fear was things will just go right back. He won’t have this outlet, he won’t have sunset rides with Stardust to ease his mind. He won’t have the cows happily running up to him and greeting him when he was the first one to bring out a bale of hay. He felt like if he was here, he may have the confidence to tell Syd how he feels. But back home? It was another life. 

“Fine..things are..y’know. The usual shit. But nothing bad, no one’s getting locked in any freezers if that’s what you mean” she said playfully. 

Carm rolled his eyes with a light smile. “Mmhmm. So the restaurant is-“ 

“Is fine.” She said. “I’d have told you. You know that.” She said and he nodded a bit. 

“I know she scared you back there…but it’s pretty fun to go fast. You wanna try?” He asked. 

She shifted a bit uncomfortably, her hands tightening around his arms that were holding the reins around her waist. “Uhh…maybe? Are you sure we won’t fall off?” She questioned. 

“I’m sure. Here you can be the one to control it. Start light ok? With your legs.” He gently ran his hands down her thighs to right below her knees “here” he said softly, squeezing the flesh gently so she wouldn’t have to lean and look. “With that part of your legs, give her a little squeeze. But really light, or we’ll take out of here like a bat out of hell” he held around her waist again, securely holding the reins. 

“Mmhmm” she said, she was beginning to feel hot- and not because she’d done any hard work in regards to getting the horse ready. 

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, you’re the boss” he said the last part softly in her ear. If it wasn’t for her jacket, he would see the goosebumps that had risen on her arms. She nodded quickly, staring straight ahead and trying to maintain her composure. 

“So I just?” She squeezed gently and the horse picks up her speed slightly. “Oh…ok” she said. 

“Told y’she was trained” Carmy teased and she rolls her eyes. 

“Mmm you’ve done a very good job, bribing this horse with peeps. The staff know you do this?” She asked. Carmy snorted a laugh

“No. But she’s healthy. Made sure. She only gets one or 2 if she doesn’t listen.” He admitted. 

She shook her head with a smile. “And how’d you find this out, Carm?” She leaned into him once more. 

“I…” he laughed a bit, his chest vibrating with the movement and it made her heart warm. 

“I uh…spent a few days in the library here. Reading up. After she threw me off. It’s all about trust with em. So I never lied to ‘er and I’ve never done something she didn’t expect because I always try to warn her.” He said, pulling her reigns a bit tighter. 

“This is like a joyride Syd cmon, I said fast not an evening stroll.” He teased. 

“Fine. Mister horse master- show me what Miss Stardust can do.” She said. 

With 2 kisses and a quick tap of his heel, they were off like a rocket. He held Syd steady, being sure she wouldn’t have to do most the work of holding herself center as he gripped each reign with the opposite hand, holding them taught so Star knew to keep going. 

Syd laughed, the wind flicking her dark curls all around. He wished she could see her amused expression. “Holy shit this is the best!” She shouted over the loud thuds of Stars hoofbeats. 

“I know right! Can you believe she can go faster?” He said, holding his knees taut around her hips to keep her from sliding. 

“Okay we are not! This is fine!” She said and sat up a bit “are we going into the-” She asks as Star begins to barrel through a creek, the freezing water spraying up and around them getting them slightly wet, the freezing water splashing from their calves up to their cheeks.. “CARMY!” She screams through laughter. 

He could barely catch his breath as he laughed so hard his stomach and ribs ached. “I’m sorry!! Syd! Oh god-“ he chuckled “woah girl- woah” he called to the course and she slowed down once again to a stop. 

“Fuck-“ Carmen chuckled “you okay?” He asked, picking a wet leaf from her jacket and throwing it to the forest floor. 

“Yeah- I’m.. I’m fine. That was really fun actually. C’mon I wanna see the spot” she said and took it upon herself to tug the reins so Star would take off again

“Shi-it!” He quickly finds his balance, “warn me!! Oh god I almost flew off!!” He told her. 

“You think I’d let her throw you off?” She mimics him from earlier and he takes the chance to playfully pinch her waist 

“Yes because who’s in back and who’s in front?” He wrapped his arms around her again, taking the reins from her grasp. “Your reign privileges have been revoked for this riding lesson, Ms.Adamu”  

She laughed a bit “I’ll earn them back. Don’t worry” she mused. 

“Mmm we need to talk about more shit before I just literally hand the reins over. Coulda spooked her and we’d be fuckin dead.” he angled the outside reigns so she’d slow down as they came to the clearing. 

“Here we are” he hopped off, raising his arms to help her down. 

She carefully reached out for him and he lifted her off, gently setting her down. “Holy fuck Carmy” she turned around, watching the waterfall cascade down over the rocks. 

“Right! Told you. It’s a fire spot” he went over to one of the rocks he usually sat at, plopping down and taking out a cigarette. “Oh- shit- can’t have y’running off” he told Stardust and chuckled, leaving the cigarette between his lips as he walked over to her, guiding her over to the tree, and hooking her right rein around a branch before sitting back down. 

“Yeah…I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere so…” she trailed off, looking at all the trees and running water. 

“Green?” Carmy lit his cigarette, taking a drag. “Not packed with smog? Somewhere that doesn’t smell like shit.” He said as he exhaled. 

“…yeah” she said and laughed a bit. “Yeah. Guess that’s it.” She came and sat next to him. “What did you mean about her getting scared?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh- a scared horse will fucking kill you. Not on purpose, but they’re big and pure muscle, and will do anything to get away from danger. I scared the shit out of her one time, that was it. Dislocated my shoulder 8th day here. Doing that hurts like a bitch by the way.” He rolled his shoulder gently. 

“How’d you manage that? God I knew you were shit at chatting up girls but she dislocated your shoulder?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes with a playful smile, taking another drag. “Yes, I was fuckin around on the trail, dunno why- but there was this branch sticking out so I grabbed it, it snapped, she fuckin reeeared dude. I flew back so hard. My back might still be bruised I’m not sure. Still hurts a little to laugh” he said. 

“You better have seen a doctor” she said. 

“Ohhh silly Syd.” He sighed, a puff of smoke filling the air in front of him. “We aren’t allowed to refuse treatment here. If you get hurt, and you refuse to get help, it’s considered self harm, which leads to them believing you have suicidal ideation, which leads to you being locked in the actual nuthouse. So yes. I willingly went to the doctor daily for a week. And now, I’m being checked on once a week. So yeah. Oh and therapy daily. And every day I’m given my meds and someone checks over ‘pre-existing injuries’ which that is now considered. So yeah. I’m good. I’m fuckin fine as fine can be.” He said. 

“Awww poor little chef, being taken care of so well that’s so hard isn’t it?” She teased and he gives her a playful glare, but couldn’t help but crack a smile when he realized she was smiling too. 

“I was being taken care of fine at home by myself but you and my sister just had to ship me off after one tiny accident” he leaned back on his hand, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“It stops becoming an accident when you didn’t care, Carm. You didn’t care. It didn’t phase you. You weren’t even…you weren’t even scared. Just because you didn’t do it on purpose doesn’t mean you did the sane thing which would have been doing everything you could to not let something like that happen.” She said, her tone suddenly serious. 

He looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. He suddenly felt all of the armor he’d spent the last 31 days chipping at, slowly start to meld back together and shell him back in at the shame the whole situation was making him feel. 

“I have nightmares…you know. About it. What happened” she said quietly, and he could physically feel his heart ripping open. 

The only sound between them was the bubbling stream, and the sounds of their even breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, gaze fixed on his lap knowing he would burst into tears at the admission she’d been so deeply plagued by something he’d done, if he had looked at her.

“I know” was all she said, gently resting her hand on top of his. He felt the same fireworks exploding in his chest that he only ever felt when she was around. 

“Do you um…” he clears his throat and shook his head, embarrassed by the question plaguing his mind. “Never mind it’s..it’s stupid.” He removed his hand, putting his cigarette in it and resting the hand opposite of her on the rock. 

“That usually means it’s not stupid. What?” She coaxed, bumping his knee with hers gently. 

“It’s stupid” he said again, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It can’t be stupider then asking me what UPS means” She said playfully. He rolled his eyes, smiling and looking over at her. 

“And what if it is?” He questioned. 

“I would be..worried they’re giving you a bad concoction of meds that’s turning your glorious chef brain in to Swiss cheese” she teased 

He snorts a laugh. “I was gonna ask..if you wanted to cook..t’night. My cabin…it uh- has a kitchen? I haven’t cooked in a month. They give us food so I haven’t really bothered but…seeing you makes me miss it more, I guess” he blushed, looking back down at his lap. 

“Well obviously. Not gonna let you eat whatever bullshit they’ve been giving you while I’m around.” She said and he shook his head, meeting her gaze once more with a playful smirk. 

“Maybe you should check in. My therapist says it’s bad apparently to feel ‘responsible for others’ - says it’s a ‘subconscious self harming behavior’ “ he teased. 

She smiled a bit. “Okay- say I do. How about, I check in now, we shoot the shit for what- eleven more days- then, you go back home- and see how stressful it is in that restaurant when one of your hands is basically missing” she plucked the cigarette bud he’d forgotten about from between his fingers before it burnt him, flicking it into the creek. 

“You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smoke- other then…me like checking on you when you were about to explode at work. But you’ve never…pulled one out and smoked it I guess” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her cheek on her forearm as she looked at him. 

“Oh…” he said, pulling one of his legs up and resting his arm on it. “Didn’t realize you noticed” he said, brushing some dirt off his jeans. 

“I notice a lot of stupid shit about you, it’s kinda annoying honestly.” She said without thinking, her eyes widening when she realized and she looked the other way, resting her other cheek on her knee and squeezing her eyes shut. 

Why would you ever say that?! She asked herself internally. 

“Oh?” He said again, smiling a bit. “You do?” He questions, but that was as far as he’d push. 

“Mhm” was all she responded. Carmys phone started buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out in case it was one of the ‘base keepers’ they called them. Carmy rather call them babysitters. He knew what they were for, being sure if they were out of sight too long they were making sure they could still get ahold of them. 

He sighed in relief when he saw it was just his 2:40 alarm. “Gotta go” he stood up, offering his hand to Syd. “Like- now. Or my ass is getting chewed out.” 

The ride back to the cabins was mostly silent. He had no stool this time, so he had to pick up Syd essentially by the ass and gently place her on Stars back so she didn’t get spooked. 

He was embarassed as fuck that the tiny action had the crotch region of his jeans tightening more then was casually explainable. Thank god no one was around to see him awkwardly hop in the way of his semi hard third leg down his left pant leg, grunting but covering it with a dry cough when she settled her ass back into him to ‘center their gravity’ 

Syd absolutely felt the firmness pressing into her ass. She thought it was a bit funny, but also brushed it off to the strange friction that came with riding a horse. She couldn’t allow herself to fully believe his teenage like excitement was due to her, or she’d go insane. 

Carmy dropped Syd off at his cabin, giving her the key and telling her he’d put up Stardust and be back by 5, she would be blushing if it weren’t for her mahogany complexion at the domesticity of it all - er what she could imagine domesticity with Carmy would feel like. 

Her panties were also soaked through from the feeling of his enormous length pressed into the curve of her ass - the entire way back - but she just chalked that up to not getting laid for a few months, and misreading his natural arousal for him being horny- she quickly pushed the thought down and just chalked it up to the horse. Because guys get hard when they ride horses…right? Right?!

Carmen arrived to therapy extremely frustrated, and extremely ready to talk. He sat down in his regular spot in the back, tapping his knee nervously and covering his crotch with his hands. Luckily, thinking about his mother was enough to make him soft nearly instantly so he had that to thank her for at least. 

“Alright guys!” Julienne, the usual Friday therapist came in, sitting in her spot in the circle. “Who is up today! We are-“ she looks at her iPad “oh! Yes this is another OP class, so- no pressure but, I wanna hear what’s goin on!” She crossed her legs. 

Julie was far from his favorite therapist, at Blue Lotus. But he wasn’t his least favorite. So he would still talk. He cleared his throat, raising his hand slightly. 

“Carmy?! What a treat! Okay what’s up” she grabbed her little stylus pencil. He bit the inside of his lip nervously. He despised how casual she tried to make this all feel. 

“Uh…so- my um…business partner, she came to see me. I guess I haven’t been…keeping touch? Enough? She just said she was worried…” he cleared his throat again, gaze fixed on his lap. “And uh…I’m startin’ t’-t’realize stuff?” He sniffled nervously, rubbing his mouth with slightly clammy, nervous hands. 

“She uh..” he chuckled a bit. “She…she just…showed up. Didn’t hear shit from ‘er. She probably knew that I’d uh…I’d tell ‘er no?” He finally meets the gaze of Julie. 

“Okay. You know guests are allowed right? Like- during the visiting hours, 6am to 11pm, no fraternizing between patients but-“ Carmen cuts her off

“We aren’t - no. Not fraternizing” He shook his head. “But uh…today? We were- we were sitting. This spot, near uh, Jupiter point? On the north side. And I had this- this urge T-to tell her…everything.” He shook his head, looking at the floor again. 

“So…you wanted to tell her you love her?” Jesse, one of the guys he’d had lunch with a few times piped up. 

“T’be honest, I don’t know.” Carmen said honestly, looking at him. 

“Well what does it feel like?” Jesse asked, sitting up a bit. 

“What? Like- what does what feel like?” Carmen asked curiously. 

“Her. Being with her. Talking to her? Inside. Like. Your chest. Your skin?” He questioned. 

“Uh…” Carmen sat back, swallowing thickly and crossing his arms over his chest. He thought for a moment. 

“Hot. I get hot. All over. My chest feels tight but - but good? Like- a hug almost. And then…when she…” he blushed, looking down with a shy smile. “When she touches me” he shook his head slightly. “When she touches me it’s like um.. fireworks? Like fireworks beneath my skin.” He chuckled a bit at how cheesy it sounded. 

“And you haven’t fucking nailed her?” Jessie asked plainly. 

Carmen furrowed his brows, glaring at him. “No” he clenched his jaw “I haven’t.” He snips. 

“Dude- you are- pussy whipped with no pussy?! You- you love her, Carmen. You love this chick. I feel like I’m looking in a weird straight mirror - the first time-“ he laughed a bit “the first time I kissed a guy- god. He was so hot. But I had no idea! I had no idea. I really thought that I was just-“ he shook his head “that I was just wanting to befriend him? Or something? But like- I wanted to fuck him. And when I did kiss him? Something unlocked in my brain dude. It was like…like a whole new world. I felt like I knew - I knew what love could feel like? Just ‘cause of that one kiss “ he shrugged. 

Carmen looked at him, arms crossed, trying to absorb everything he was saying even though every fiber of his former self was screaming to take it with nothing more than a grain of salt. 

“Kiss her dude. Kiss her.” Jesse said and sat back in his chair. 

“Well. Although, consensual sexual instances are against the code of conduct to discuss - I am very proud to see you two coming out of your shells. Has anyone else felt… confused in their romantic endeavors and would like to share?” Julie asked. 

Carmen crossed his arms tighter, looking down at his lap. This was quite unusual for him, he was one of the patients to only add what he had to to be credited during inpatient, and during outpatient - only spoke when he really and honestly had to. 

“Uh-“ the super tall girl, Shayna sits up. Carmen was never really sure why she was here. She looked…perfect by all means. Perfect skin, perfect nails, pretty face, long blonde hair, a perfect body by girl standards. Or at least what Carmen had understood of them.

 “Not really the same.. but before I came out? I like…I would uh buy…girl clothes. That I liked. For my girlfriends at the time…” she blushed “and um.. I realized after a while that I liked them. And I wasn’t just..wanting to see my girlfriend in them. And like- it’s not the exact same, but when he said… about how Jesse realized he wanted the guy. That’s how I felt when I finally tried the clothes on” she shrugged. 

Carmen was…aghast. He just simply stared at her. He’d never met- or thought-  he’d ever met a trans person before today. But…Shayna? 

Well- he was wrong because he had met her, they actually knew each other fairly well as far as patients go, she joined the program when he did. When they first met, she’d made a joke about how they were the tallest girl and shortest guy in the class, so that meant they were bound to be friends, since opposites attract - and that earned a chuckle out of him before his meds had even fully evened out. 

“I love the cis-and-confused look- it’s cute” she said and laughed a bit. Carmen blushed, smiling a bit. 

“Not confused- well, maybe. Maybe a little. Y’Just so…dainty? I dunno..” he shrugged. 

“In case you haven’t noticed- mr.little man syndrome- you’re only one out with the cows doing the hay on time in the morning. Ninty percent of the group is your version of dainty ” Jesse teased. 

“Jesse” Julie gives him the look. “I’d assume that means- the rest of you that aren’t out helping with the bales- are scraping out the cow pens? Since Carmen is doing all the hard work according to you.” 

“I’m not girl- fuck no! The second I got out of inpatient house arrest? I walked my happy ass down to Walmart and bought me some blackout curtains. I recommend those to all of you! Oh my god and some ear plugs!! The stupid fucking roosters! Worst 15 days of my lifeee! I’m never coming back here peace and love to you all though. Truly. Can’t stand this cow shit stank ass place.”  Shayna said dramatically, causing Carmen to chuckle a bit.

 He had loved her boldness since they’d met. If Shayna didn’t want to do something- she wasn’t doing it. He learned that the day the staff tried to force her on anti-depressants. One of the main therapists got a Wellbutrin straight to the eye, they never attempted that battle the same way again. 

“We know Shayna you aren’t shoveling scat, princesses don’t do that” Jesse mocked her valley girl tone. 

“Okay! Okay. Alriiiight! Back on track- done with the bickering!” Julie said. “Now that open call is over let’s move on to breakthroughs. This issss-“ she looks at her iPad “ah- yes! D group. So. That makes it-“ he checks her watch “ah- right. 11 days! How are your light tunnel projects going?” She questioned. 

Carmen’s chest tightened, but not in the Syd is smiling or he made Syd laugh way- in the - I haven't done something I was meant to do way. 

The Light Tunnel project wasn’t hard. It was simply one thing you have done that you had wanted to do when you came into the program. And Carmy knew what his answer was, 

Admit how he felt to Sydney. 

Or, as his Therapist- Mandy told him ‘become more truthful with yourself and those you know about how you feel’ because “counting on someone to like him back would put him at square one” he had pretended to understand, but knew that he had to tell her and soon - or he was going to really go insane. 

“ my light tunnel was to talk to my asshole father- but lucky for me I just caught wind the motherfucker finally died thank god. So by default I win and don’t have to be here anymore cause his abandonment was what fucked me up anyhow“ Shayna said jokingly, causing Carm to snort a laugh. He knew she was only joking about the leaving early part, not the father part. Her father was an even bigger piece of shit then Carmen’s was, he had come to learn.

“Mmm that isn’t how it works we know that Shayna. We’ll talk more about this in one to one “ Julie told her and Shayna crossed her long legs, looking out the window. 

The last 20 minutes of the session Carmen sat silently, looking out the opposite window to Shayna, watching the horses running around in the field before they got called in for dinner and just spacing out, thinking about what he may say to Syd. 

“Yo - Carm space cadet” Shayna said before kicking his boot he jumped a bit, looking up at them both and had realized the room since had cleared and Julie was preparing for her next session. 

“Shit.” He said “how long have I been like…like that?” He asked, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“It’s the OCD meds. They get you stuck in a happy thought loop sometimes. Are you just gonna sit here? You wanna do another hour of this with sniveling group a? They got here three days ago.” Jesse said. Carm shook his head, getting up. 

“No- no sorry” he said starting with them outside. Shayna laughed a bit 

“You were thinking of screwing that business partner aren’t you. “ she said, causing Carmys cheeks to go pinker. 

“Shayna shut up!” Jesse scolded, pushing her shoulder lightly. 

“Awwww carmyyy are your feelings hurt little buddy? Do you need a hug? Jesus men are such pussys” she pushed open the doors of the therapy cabin for them. 

“Let me see pictures of this hot chick. If you don’t fuck her I will and I bet I’d do a better job” Shayna teased as they started heading back towards the cabins. 

Carmen couldn’t even process what she said as he felt his breath get caught in his chest, he saw her. She was sitting on the porch of his cabin, criss-cross in one of the rocking chairs as she writes in her notebook. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at the way the setting sun hit her bronze skin, her curls casting intricate patterned shadows on the wood. He felt his heart pick up, his chest squeezing in that way, the way that only happened when he saw her. 

Shayna and Jesse stopped after a few moments when they realized Carm had gotten stuck behind. They both follow his gaze carefully to see what he was so fixed on, like a trance. 

“Holy fuuuck!!! Holy fuck how did I get this lucky!! She’s here? She’s here still?!” Shana asked excitedly, “oh my god- you’re getting laid- tonight” she excitedly skips up to the cabin and Syd looks up, locking eyes with her before seeing Carmen just a few paces behind.  “I’m Shayna! Do you and Carm wanna hang out with us tonight?”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[onesaltyhunter]

Sleep Token x Gender Neutral!Reader HCs

what type of inhuman creatures would they be?

Side note: I've never made one of these before so props to all those people who make these regularly--they're difficult for my 3 brain cells to pop out something in return

VESSEL (I)

VAMPIRE

Protective, yet kind and passionate (he's also moderately awkward but we love that for him)

Tried his best to use his special "mind powers" to make you attracted to him after years of jokingly flirting with you

(It didn't work lmao)

He's still a hopeless romantic so he tried again

it still didn't work but you ended up falling for him anyway (he still believes that it worked)

Has an undeniable urge to hold onto you in some way, whether it may be an arm around your shoulder, waist--holding hands, and even the occasional fumbling with each other's fingers when walking somewhere

he's cold. like SO FUCKING COLD.

You used to jump at how freezing he was to the touch, but you've gotten used to it (for the most part)

If you decide to go to one of their shows and someone looks at you for a split second with even the slightest look of disgust/infatuation, Vessel with put the fear of God into them

He wouldn't tell you what he did, but, you could easily figure it out

bro is HORNY like ON GOD

II

WERECAT

kinda shy--very cuddly though

yeah sure they have a "Holy duty to be constantly awake" but sometimes, II feels a bit eepy

either very energetic or very tired, no in-between

Can barely hold back the urge to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle your neck (even if you're taller than him)

Acts like he needs some alone time every once in a while (lies)

Doesn't really know how to explain to you that he wants to spend more time with you--doesn't want to come off as clingy

Has literally overslept cuddled up to you and nearly missed a show because of it--loves violating his duty to Sleep if it means he can spend more time with you

It doesn't feel like he has to ask to "accidentally" pass out on you, bypassing any means of attempting to ask you if it's alright

You'd always be okay with it though, unless you were nommin on a snack and it felt weird to see him schlumped over your thigh, snoring--which felt weird but eh, its just II being II

After you found out what he was, you jokingly called him a "catboy"

The weird stare off lasted a solid minute

II was a little weirded out by the fact that you were unphased by your reaction to him telling you that he is a LITERAL monster

III

WEREWOLF

sorry if you thought he was going to be some big strong werewolf man--he has the personality of a golden retriever

Needs hugs (SHOW HIM SOME AFFECTION LIKE 24/7 PLS HE NEEDS IT)

VERY ENERGETIC

Fuckin loves running around like a maniac with you on off-days or even after a show

You still wonder how he has the energy to do stuff after bouncing about and toying with Vessel on stage

Will NOT hesitate on making a scene if it looks like someone is harassing you

Will (attempt) stop the ENTIRE SHOW and jump down into the crowd and shove them

if he can't, well--let's just say that he had a very unpleasant snack that night

Comes back acting as if nothing happened

IV

FAE

very chill (as per usual)

loves to dance around

you came home to him jamming out on his own and all of your seemingly dying house plants started living again

(Bro forgot he can do that 💀)

will dance with you until the middle of the night (goblin behavior but we love him fr)

loves taking you to botanical gardens

can't stop bringing you flowers (like no he really can't stop, it almost a problem)

another hugger (you want to hug him--you NEED TO)

[abyssalgalaxy]

Ive been reading the reigen manga finally so have my live thoughts that i wrote while reading it

Spoilers to the REIGEN manga ofc, actual proper comments at the end of it

Tome

TOMEEE YAY

Tome witnessing the highshcool girl with a toast trope I love it, sending tropes out of the window like always <3

Tome has a UFO bag!!!

Oughhh she feels like an outcast, give this girl the chance to infodump

Hi reigen

REIGEN AND TOME ARE BOTH LIKE THAT LMAOO THE FREE TIME DUO

I get why hes trying to get her away, it is a dangerous job, but he def does kinda see her as a nuisance

Serizawa

Hii serizawa!!!! :DDDDD

Reigen fucked up lmfao

oh nvm Serizawa saves the day :D

Dimple

Tome's teacher kinda looks like the first guy from the first episode/chapter, Taro I think was his name, it would be funny if he were lol

"Giving her my powers" I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING HEHEHE

The ghost actually does look kinda scary wow

DIMPLEEE LETS GOOOOOOO

Roshuuto

So she really just fuckin brough him to S&S

So this is the infamous Roshuuto

My fuckin god Reigen is so cringe sometimes/aff/, bro wtf do you mean by spiritual level????

HIS CONTACTS ARE ALL MIDDLESCHOOLERS HELP

HE FUCKING FELL FOR THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL THING

BOTH JODO AND ROSHUUTO FELL FOR IT HOLY SHIT

I thought Jodo was gonna cook, he didnt do shit

Ooh shit, things are starting to go down

Oooh fuck

YAAAY SERIZAWAAA unless...

ok <3 yay <3

Roshuuto is a diiiick

So Tome heard reigen cus she trusts him, and Hoshida heard Roshuuto cus he trusted him too, only to be left to die, damn

Also reigen heard tome beacuse he worries and actually cares about her

Tips

Ooo Serizawa flexing his powers, imagine that in anime, i see a lot of potential

Wagh Serizawa has learned a lot from Reigen and Mob, hes changed a lot from the first time we saw him

Its interesting how this is the first time we see the "Psychic powers are not special" on a non esper

IN THE SPANISH VERSION SHE CALLS HIM LIL DIMPLE BASICALLY LMAOO

So theyre trying to make her realize that psychic powers arent special and to see beyond other things that could interest her, its basically what mob does in the series, but this time it's Tome's turn to learn

I felt a little "I love my job beacuse I get to be around people i like" from reigen when he was gonna tell her about why he works but HE DIDNT

Oh imagine the salt panel in an anime adaptation he would look cool

Salt splash

Is it me or did the artstyle change, it looks a bit more like the anime

SO SHES BEEN THROWING SALT

GET SALTED IDIOT

Oh shit hes gonna say it

OH HE ACTUALLY DID SAY IT I didnt think he'd say the truth

Ow that did kinda hurt, but it makes sense, he does care about her, hes trying to protect her

Reigen

Oh hey its the anime girl again

Rip hoshida again lol

Oh they changed the lion joke here, in this translation it was translated as "Why dont lions like fast food? Beacuse they cant catch it" lol

OOOOH WE'RE SEEING THE GIRLS OTHER SIDES LETS GOOOOO

SHE MAKES YAOI

WEIRD GIRLIES I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHH AAAAAA

SHE GETS IT NOW YAAAAAY

What the fuck happened to roshuuto

SERI NOOO WTF IS HAPPENING

DIMPLE WASNT ABLE TO HELP EITHER???

ROSHUUTO UR A DIIIIIIIIIICK WTFFF I GET IT BUT WHYYY

FIUWHECOIQUEOCQIERGQOIERCHQOEWU9CHQOWEIFFQHE8FQ7HW9F8QU294F7QH28FQHWEJ

THE HUG OUGH

HE TOOK IT

HOOO NOOO

OH whats he gonna do

Oh fuck

Aw hes hugging it

OH OH I SEE

Oh it worked! I think

OH NO THAT CANT BE MOB IT CANT

I WAS TOLD HE DIDNT APPEAR HERE

Oh hes just grabbing his ass by the suit

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO unless...

YAAAY, I didnt hink Mob would actually show up, I thought some other thing would appear but yayyyy

I wonder if he ever told mob what actually happened

N you can tell its mob cus the first thing he says its asking reigen again to not call him so suddenly also he sees mob cus reigen trusts mob

Aw they just go for ramen, ngl he deserves one, that mustve been stressful

LMAO ROSHUUTO

He doesnt even know math

NONE OF THEM KNOW MATH

Final thoughts: That was so fun to read omg, we really need an anime adaptation or a movie even that could work too Aside from that, I get why its called REIGEN and not TOME despite Tome being the protagonist, the spinoff it is about Reigen, its about what he taught to mob and others, the core message of the series "You arent special" Tome's arc here is understanding that. She feels lonely and bored beacuse she cant be herself in this new enviroment, shes an outsider, different from the other girls that are just interested in superficial things so she goes to s&s to be around things that she enjoys, ghosts, cursed places, psychic powers, etc. She isnt seeing that theres more things to see However she then realizes that the rest of the girls do have that problem of feeling like an outsider beacuse of their interests and when they realize that theyre all weird they start trusting each other and start to fully enjoy their company, she understands that her situation is not special, theres many more people that accept her as she is, she starts enjoying the connection she has with others, shes found a place where she fits in Thats what reigen did, he was able to find a place where he can be with the help of others, this ones about apreciating the connections we make with others

Ok my thoughts were kinda scrambled so I hope that makes sense, thanks for reading my shits <3