#i really dont want to deal with people either | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nashvillethotchicken · 6 months

Text

Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach

#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling #which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed #lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat #while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough #and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues #both of them came up chronically food insecure #lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned #so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human #while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like #ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that #but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions #like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal #when he should be having like two dudes at least #and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great #interview with the vampire #iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #amc iwtv #lestat de lioncourt #ldpdl #iwtv 2022 #armand iwtv #armand #loumand #loustat #like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while

66 notes · View notes

jatlokgwo · 3 months

Text

can you have hpd and also internalized that you shouldnt have/arent worth attention and not have a spesific attention person and not want to spam text people is that possible

#i wish that i saved the attention seeker reclemation flag rip #i might just id as transhpd i relate more to cluser b people then people without 1 but u dont really fit a spesific cluster and i feel #invalid even if am cis #pup talks #the transabled/transhpd/fakers fuck off and die thing is not helping me feel less like my stuff i deal with every day if i want to or not #but what if im exadurating or making it up thing #either hpd or bpd i want attention sooooo bad basiclly and i also might have rsd so what is even happening here

19 notes · View notes

bmpmp3 · 2 months

Text

everyone on earth probably has a hypothetical farming sim in their mind's eye that they daydream about on occasion because of the unfortunate situation that despite there being like a thousand farming games released every minute only like 4 of them are any good. and i think this is fun, i think its good to keep the imagination alive. if i made a farming sim i would bring back rival marriages from the old friends of mineral town. i want to steal someones wife.

#jk jk you dont steal anyones wife or husband. but it wasnt a popular feature because people felt like they were stealing someones spouse #plus the fact that characters married eachother after a certain amount of time made them unavailable for player marriage adding a timelimit #if the player wants to get married. but thats why i want it BACK i think its 1) hilarious and 2) interesting and makes the world feel alive #NOW part of the reason (outside of it being an unpopular feature to begin with) its not in like any modern games is probably because #devs don't know how to deal with non-gender-locked marriage candidates with this #i think its easy. everyone is bisexual. not just playersexual. textually bisexual #it'll be interesting if they always have a set pairup regardless of player gender but it could also be interesting if there was like #a little algorithm to give a couple non-player pairups as options. maybe make it random #or if a dev was tooooo ambitious they could add a matchmaking system that the player could be involved with if they wanted to play cupid LO #but that seems too much for a farming game. thats usually a whole other game in itself #but yeah i think its easy. its not like farming sim marriage candidates are all that deep characters to begin with #i think itd be fine if you had a couple randomized rival marriages...... i think itd be neat #my other farming sim daydream is NO fucking combat for the love of god FREE ME from combat #that is why i like story of seasons just a bit more than stardew #stardew has so much good farming mechanics but god i hate the mines. i think its so soso sososososososo boring #i also dont really like the turn based battles in atelier games and most atelierlikes either #(well i liked it in mana khemia but that was more turn based focused than alchemy focused)#i came here to farm. i came here to make potions. i came here to micromanage numbers. do not make me battle #but that is purely a personal preference thing LOL a lot of people really love farming game combat. i dont tho <3 #MY DAYDREAM FARMING SIM HAS NO COMBAT... AND YES CUCKHOLDRY #(jk jk thats not what rival marriages are. but thats how people talk about them. which is fascinating)#(unfortunately it makes me laugh so thats why i keep making jokes about it. sowwy <3 )

9 notes · View notes

slutdge · 1 month

Text

ill just be minding my business and then remember how fucked the experience i had with cps was and just how fucked cps is in general and actively harms the children its supposed to be there to help and get so mad i dig a hole into my skin with my nails so deep it starts drawing blood

#again. if you want the lore on why i fucking hate social workers so much. there ya go.#it makes me wanna fucking throw up everytime i see people felate social workers like theyre any better than cops.#not to be a broken record or anything but truly. the only fucking thing i had a lot of the time when i was like 14 was my stupid littl #e dc hardcore mix cd and i think digging that up and revisiting it has really brought up a lot of hard emotions and memories for me #ptsd fucking sucks so bad and it sucks so bad that ive made no progress since then either #i dont know. i dont know yall.#''you have to process your trauma'' ok well thats too hard and id rather die so. guess im too weak then and im not cut out for it #this is fucking stupid anyways.#too many feelings with nowhere to put them and no idea where to even start #thats not even considering what i currently haveto deal with in the present #um i give up and i was a fucking moron for ever believing life could be better #i dont have any profound conclusion. i was just fucking stupid for ever thinking i could be happy. lol.

15 notes · View notes

6mayhem · 16 hours

Text

drinking tea and trying to make myself care about heartstopper for the third time because i'm craving unproblematic yaoi but i just do not care about these children sad sigh

#i could watch [redacted] but. listen its just a lot of emotional investment for me okay and i dont want to get all those weird symptoms rn #<- also besides the point but it wouldnt be unproblematic yaoi theres always some shit happening to these fags and i cant deal with it #but fanfics just dont cut it really people dont get them like i do....#okay i stop speaking cryptic riddles now those who know know and those who dont dont need to ....#<- not hannibal or saw those are like the only interests i ever opened up about lol. but maybe i should rewatch either of those

3 notes · View notes

dimonds456 · 7 months

Text

Out.

My home is beautiful It's very bright in rows Sunlight filters through pride Paints the streets rainbow

My home is up north Where winter winds blow Where snowmen greet each other yearly Raised from death by the snow

My home has many freedoms I can say what I want about power I can buy death machines Or I can buy houses in an hour

My home is where I belong Where red blue and white stripes fly So doesn't it cut deeply To find out everything was a lie?

My home is ugly Forests fall to rolls of concrete Red runs rivers down the sidewalk As yellow badges yell for "peace"

My home is suffocating Two winters with no snow The dead are gone with no return And no one cares at all

I'm shackled to the dirt To work "full time" at 26 hours Rent and bills and disabilities curse me And I fall farther and farther each month

I want out of this place I want to pack my bags My home is a disgrace And constantly it nags

"We the people," we learned in school The same place we were taught of glory All while this same country builds destruction Makes enemies out of the dead and gorey

I need to stay and fight This isn't right The rope's too tight I want to take flight Run run run away to somewhere else To see the stars and still get to work To wave my flag without fear of death To proudly say that I love my home Without a thousand disclaimers for you to scroll

But wouldn't that be calling for arms, to say that? We haven't come to that yet, right?

We have to fight, but in what way? We have to win, someday We have to be strong, while most are weak We have to begin, to seek To thrive in a new world where we can say "Stop the bloodshed!" and it goes away We have to get there We have to make there We have to build there We have to create it somewhere We have to We have to We have to We have to We have to We have to We have to We have to We have to

WE HAVE TO-

i want to rest. but i shouldn't. i want to eat. I haven't the cash. i want to sing. but my voice goes to helping. i want to be. but there's no greater cost than existing.

especially in a world not built for you.

#poetry #poems #dimond speaks #stand with palestine #this is mostly a vent but yeah #i want this to be over so badly but saying that as an american is really fucking selfish isnt it #i want to leave america behind and go somewhere else #but is that even moral? i can't just leave my friends and family to fight this alone #but i can't deal with the 2025 plan either. if red wins in november i'm gonna have to go #but i dont wanna leave michigan either. i love my state. i love the people. i love the beauty #but fuck man #vent #vent poem #vent poetry

10 notes · View notes

unnonexistence · 4 months

Text

idk if there's anything in stories i get more petty about than poorly-written "main character shows up to a new place and meets everyone" character introduction scenes

#personal #they make me SO ANGRY ahglkmsfkl #it isnt just the trope of showing up and meeting everyone either #like it works for me in some things!#i think pacific rim does a really good job with characterization for example #and it's got a sequence of scenes where raleigh arrives and the audience is introduced to the shatterdome & important characters basically #my working theory until i do some more analysis is that stories that do it well leave some mystery #like in pacrim you don't find out mako's whole deal immediately upon meeting her #pentecost doesnt go ''this is mako mori. one of our brightest. her whole family was killed by a kaiju and she wants to be a pilot''#he says she's in charge of the mk 3 restoration program #and she doesn't immediately offer up her backstory because why would she. real people dont do that #the russian pilots dont show up and go ''hello we are russian''. pentecost just tells raleigh briefly who they are #etc. newt & hermann's intro scene is one of my favourite bits of characterization Ever and you don't learn that much about hermann during i #all the info you get is from newt being chatty and ridiculous and mocking hermann and putting his foot in his mouth. i.e. newt being newt #and that's what makes it good!#when chuck and herc are introduced you learn absolutely nothing about chuck. hes just there in the background #he and raleigh look at each other for a second and you kinda go ''who's that guy''#AND THATS ENOUGH TO ESTABLISH HIM AS ''PROBABLY IMPORTANT LATER''#idk idk but so many books do this kind of scene so badly that it pisses me off #so many POPULAR books too. like i either am uniquely annoyed about this or other people are way more willing to overlook it lol #as far as examples go. the house in the cerulean sea and every heart a doorway were the books where i got so annoyed i immediately DNFed #i feel like the long way to a small angry planet does it a little bit but not as bad. i cant remember for sure it's been a while #i did finish that one but i had extremely mixed feelings about it #and now im reading a big ship at the edge of the universe and. once again it is happening #aaaargh

4 notes · View notes

monstriiss · 1 year

Text

.

#gonna get kinda heavy in the tags since im stuck on mobile and cant drop a read more but i need to vent fam squad #god I want to come back but i just don't know how to talk #like i feel like i cant just spring back into conversation like everything is okay and fine #because its not and i dont know how to get over the mental barrier of talking about normal things #it's a really weird feeling and i know im isolating myself but i just dont know what else to do #like i can talk to my family that were there for it. i can talk to people that have been through it #idk i just feel really disconnected #my friends try to talk to me about things and i just cant relate anymore #and they dont get it either. none of my friends have lost their parents and especially havent seen someone die #and they dont know how to talk about it so now its like none of us bother #theres things that happened that i cant say and tbh im pretty haunted #to them its been ages since mum died but to me its only two weeks and still feels like yesterday #i think im pulling away just so i dont have to deal with the hurt of being dropped first #im glad that i have some good close friends that i CAN talk to about things and im so grateful for them #but hoooo boy everything hits different now #tiejfkeie boy am i glad i get to see my therapist tomorrow dkfjskfndk #;; ooc.#death tw #parent death tw #negative tw #;; tbd.

20 notes · View notes

lohstandfound · 4 months

Text

oh my god are people really so wild about Broadway vs two Rivers?? Genuinely, thought this was left years ago. I'd only heard whispers about it

#lohst.txt #is this because i saw people getting so mad at jupes venn diagram??#yeah #it crosses my dash #what do you mean it doesnt make sense it makes perfect sense #people are allowed to have preferences guys #people are allowed to be critical about either production. like. its okay????#(if im being honest. i havent paid attention to the bway production ofher than the fun outfits and the swings)#(and some of the actors)#(im all the way on my small island country on the other side of the world and missed out on the one time there was a production here)#i have nothing really substantial to add to this debate #(which really just feels like someone stating they dont like bway and why and then the other side coming kn like OH MY GOD YOU DONT GET IT)#im recovering from covid and i have work today #and frabkly dont want to deal with people arguing on my post #hi. yes. i prefer two rivers #hi. yes. i dont mind bway. there are just a few things i don't like about it #two rivers is what got me into be more chill in the first place #so i suppose fheres a nostalgic aspect to it #anyway. that is all #no reblogs because i dont want this breaking containment #my experience in the bmc fandom is limited to my circle of mutuals #and im happy with that

4 notes · View notes

anaalnathrakhs · 4 months

Text

"people love you uwu people care about you" okay? not my problem. love me less. can we work out a reasonable level of care where it's obviously not cool if horrible things happen to me, a human being, and you won't do any horrible thing to me, but you don't feel obligated to fuss over anything out of the ordinary i do and i have to shut up about it and perform Normal Human Emotions lest i commit an awful social faux pas and hurt your feelings?

#like idk. can you care about stuff that matters? i guess is what i'm asking?#sorry that my own self-directed problems hurt you <3 #sorry that i'm a horrible person if i talk about it and a horrible person if i don't <3 #i just shouldn't have problems i guess cant believe i didnt think abt that #sorry i don't really care if people would be sad to see me die #would actually be pretty nice to get past the huge feeling of guilt over not being helpful all the fucking time #like i can't go through life being a service dog for everybody around me #(and i dont to be clear. it's not possible and when i say i feel guilty over not doing it it doesn't mean i do 100% of the time)#(i do try to be helpful and useful and i hate missing an opportunity but also i don't have 24/7 free of obligations)#(and i can't magically spot and correctly understand what could need help)#(but i feel like it does take up a good portion of my life. mostly bc everybody around me has Problems rn)#(and because the overlap of ''things that feel good for me'' and ''things that are good for other people'' is pretty small so far)#it's just. yknow. i would like it if for once i could express a negative feeling without it being a huge offense to people around me #ejhrkthrjeh i know i'm just asking the universe if pretty please my actions could have zero consequences and it's overall unrealistic #but like. god. i wish for once it was met with indifference. casual vibes. not a huge deal yknow.#some of my friends do sometimes! it's nice! but of course i can't talk abt the problems that directly include them #i know it makes me so shit at reacting to ppls problems. like either i overcompensate with the worry cuz i feel like thats what they want #or i react coldly and dont provide anything useful to the situation #broadcasting my misery #vent

4 notes · View notes

filthyjanuary · 8 months

Text

feeling sad :(

#sorry this is such a dumb thing to be sad about im a grown ass adult but like two thirds of the people i invited to my birthday #either cant come or said they would then bailed and like #some of them have legit reasons but some of them i'm kind of like :/ ok well i put in so much effort for yall would be really nice #if a crumb of that was reciprocated #idk i dont ask for much on my birthday i just want to have a nice dinner with my friends #and i have friends who like throw the biggest tantrum fusses about their birthdays and make it this entire spectacle #and people still humour them so it's kind of like #idk #do i really suck that bad that you cant make a saturday evening work to like eat good food #idk maybe next year i just wont plan anything #and everyone'll be like BUT SIMA IT'S THE BIG ONE and i'll be like well! i wish it werent!#bc it'll suck even more to have people not come lmao i dont actually think i've ever had a milestone birthday people just dont give a shit #this includes my parents idk like they are nice to me on my birthday but like no birthday was ever like hashtag special #and like the holidays already sucked so bad this year they did not feel like the holidays half the people i got presents for #didnt get me anything which is like fine i dont give presents to get them back but it kind of sucks to not even get a card? a thank you???#idk this is so stupid i am turning 29 i pay taxes this should not be a big deal #maybe it's bc i feel like half my 20s were pandemic years so it kind of sucks that theyre basically over and idk im just feeling sad and ol #and lonely and just kind of shitty and unlikeable #AND IT'S DUMBBBBB TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST IDK WHY I'M CRYING FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE

4 notes · View notes

fizzingwizard · 1 year

Text

"My brother had no regard for her; his pleasures were not what they ought to have been, and from the first he treated her unkindly. The consequence of this, upon a mind so young, so lively, so inexperienced as Mrs. Brandon’s, was but too natural. She resigned herself at first to all the misery of her situation; and happy had it been if she had not lived to overcome those regrets which the remembrance of me occasioned. But can we wonder that, with such a husband to provoke inconstancy, and without a friend to advise or restrain her[...] she should fall?" - Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility