#i really dont understand why hes erased???

[emceewhytea]

First of all i love your approach to discourse and analysis. It is always a joy to read and you are very kind in your judgements which i feel should be an innate thing (most if not all people don’t act maliciously on purpose) and your knowledge + willingness to understand is an inspiring mindset. I don’t even disagree with anything. I think your canon vs. art is a really good example of aesthetical bias towards pink and european skin undertones.

I’m going to sound insane or a little weird i suppose. But to me, even though Joel’s skin tone does resemble a corpse-like colour, i always attributed it to something much more olive like you would find on an East Asian or Middle Eastern individual. To me, its a skin tone I’d be able to pinpoint on my friends and family. It wouldn’t be an exact match but then again the person who made the original Joel skin seems to have shaded with black or neutral darks as if he were in a fluorescent room. But the base color itself is not that strange to me.

I can’t really bring up my point without the controversy around scar and bdubs (and skizz?). i highly doubt their cc put the skin on thinking that their cubito was going to be of someone with a much darker skintone than them (instead of just a representative of their own persons) and therefore be able to undergo white washing or colourism in fanart. in fact i would argue their cubito’s base color is washed out and very ashen, something you should often avoid when coloring darker skin tones that are usually rich in color of blues, reds, and even yellow. The ashen complexion is also something Joel’s skin is a victim of.

Color picking the part of his face that would be subjected to the least amount of shading, it doesn’t surprise me that people tend to white wash him in art. Especially if you take this color and decide to lean towards the pinker side of things. And that’s when ignoring the influence the actual skintone of the cc (white person) usually has on someone’s interpretation of their cubito character.

So its a little odd to me that Joel does not get the same outcry that bdubs and scar do when they color him with a lack of olive undertones. Even though the amount of yellow on Joel’s skin borders on caricature, i still found it really apparent that its still there. And so it makes me think that another unspoken bias is at play, a mentality that its okay to perhaps erase or change olive yellow undertones because they are unattractive, or if you’re uncareful, resemble Asian characteritures. But i think that last part applies to dark skin tones as well, hence the emphasis on shading black skin tones with vibrant colours instead of neutrals.

I guess what im getting at is that it feels odd Joel gets a pass at becoming white washed despite his skins ability to be interpretated as Asian or middle eastern but bdubs and scar do not despite their skins displaying the same opportunity of interpretation. I’ll focus more on the interpretation that Joel can be drawn asian. When hes given a white pink undertone, It’s a silent agreement that olive or yellow leaning skin is unattractive and therefore can be changed, simultaneously conceding that light skinned asians are not unique in complexion to white people. Which to me, is disheartening and ignorant.

To summarize, a lot of non-white people have yellow and olive undertones (to the point where it has been subjected to characteriture (as with any nonwhite race)) especially in real life and its sad to see that be erased because people find it odd or unlikely or uneasy to acknowledge. I feel it unnecessary to clarify this but just in case: im not white nor am white passing and this talk comes from personal experiences with racism and erasure

Edit: i dont know why the word slipped my mind but also yes Joel is able to have a lot of SEA qualities and interpretation as well. Personally to me, he is SEA.

I'm tired of waiting am I gonna have to be the guy who writes the colorism in fandom post about Skizzleman, specifically how it is common (maybe even standard) to see him drawn much lighter than both his in-game skin and his irl appearance.

I genuinely don't want to because I would be forced to tackle the nuances of how skin tone is simplified when it comes to perceptions of race (and how that impacts brown CCs with lighter skin tones like Bdubs and I'd argue Pause as well) especially when it comes to cartoonifying and how this is relevant to Skizz because he's technically "white" (afaik) but only by modern understandings of that word and then add in like four paragraphs of disclaimers to try and dissuade people to getting defensive explaining that I don't view this as a BIG ISSUE THAT NEEDS TO BE SOLVED NOW and more of an interesting reflection on how colorism impacts how we view pale as default. but at the same time I genuinely feel gaslit looking at fanart sometimes disclaimer you don't have to disclaimer this is all theory disclaimer skizz dgaf disclaimer yes I am talking about whitewashing a white guy but if you are reading this may I urge you to consider making him just a tad more olive before I feel the need to check namemc for the fiftieth time to see if i have been hallucinating melanin.

[03junkie]

hey guys please STOP erasing peter pettigrew thank you

[deoidesign]

I have a question, but it may be already have been answered in the story (my brain is just not the best with memory).

Since vampirism symbolises for you chronical illness (which, omg, that is a hot take I've never thought off before and love from now on), does Steve count as chronical ill, too, with the whole halfvampire thing going on? So, would his uncontrollable time jumping each month be a symptom of that chronical illness?

not in the story, no worries! Just a possible interpretation and my personal intent when writing.

As a small aside I personally don't like to think of chronic illness as something that people "count" as, so to speak, it's an extremely personal label and incredibly varied between individuals and as with all disability there is never such thing as hard lines or black and white... but I understand why you worded it that way and I understand what you're asking.

So, yes, Steve is also chronically ill within this framework. The entire comic is sort of shaped around this, to be honest! I mean he canonically has some pretty extreme memory issues... He's also canonically homeless (not that this is an illness but I just mean it's something I think most people forget about him when discussing him). And, yes, his condition is uncontrollable and is severely impacting his ability to live the life he wants to live.

He has just been barely coping up to the point we meet him, and has been very desperate which is what led him to creating that list of deviations. He has periods where his body is out of his control, he is unable to form relationships, he hurts others without meaning or wanting to... Yeah. He's metaphorically relating to a lot of things, really.

So, yknow, you're welcome to interpret him as you'd like! for me I relate a lot with my various issues and conditions and thus that's why I've projected on him the way I have, but of course I would understand entirely different interpretations of what is inherently metaphorical.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Please can you do slashers x chubby! fem! reader who's very insecure with this and mayb got bullied because of her weight in past ? thank youuu

Bubba, Michael Myers, and Thomas x chubby!fem!reader whos insecure

need to find a new website for my wheel spinning thing because my current one keeps erasing the stuff i have set on it grrgrr notes: reader is fem cws: mentions of bullying but it isnt dived too deep into, murder mentions

BUBBA

hes chunky himself, he'd even go as far as to describe himself as fat- not in a bad way but in a factual way... but that doesnt mean hes not going to understand why you dont like your own body

does his best to reassure you that he thinks youre beautiful regardless of what size or shape you are, mostly showing it through actions and spending extra time with you!

on the chance one of his brothers try to poke fun at you hes going to try to pipe up and stand up for you- though it has the chance to make things nastier due to his efforts really.. being taken seriously by his family who just water it down

if you want to try to change yourself, he wont stop you but hes going to make it clear that he doesnt think you need to change

THOMAS

also plus sized himself and doesnt see anything wrong with it, probably doesnt think its viewed as a bad thing until you open up to him about your insecurities

he relates, though for different reasons- your body, his face, you both have parts of your physical appearance that youre not all that satisfied with, will listen to your vents... his heart breaks for you, how could anyone be so cruel to you?

very physical in his reassurances, he traces and trails his hands along your body to emphasize that he finds you beautiful, he doesnt do it in a sexual way; touching is just how he shows his care

will spend hours snuggled into you doing it until he gets the point across that he thinks youre perfect the way you are

MICHEAL

out of these three hes the least reactionary to your insecurities and vents... not too much of a shock... but hes listening, even if you dont think he is

seemingly manifests out of no where as you stand in your misery, wraps his arms around you- tightly but not suffocating

does not care how youre built, what matters is that at the end of the day he chose you instead of anyone else on this earth- youre special, even if the reason isnt very clear to either of you

you will quickly put two and two together when some of the people being nasty to you are either found dead or go missing, and micheal isnt going to try to hide it if you try to bring it up to him

[self-loving-vampire]

Id really like to hear your thoughts on why you dont like tme/tma a bit more tbh… speaking as a non-transfem who does find these terms useful, even if it is often taken to mean something that it doesnt mean (ie calling them “labels” when theyre intended to be neutral descriptors of the targeted demographic(s) of transmisogyny vs those who arent)

As Jules Gill-Peterson said in the book, transmisogyny is all-consuming to the point that no one is actually exempt from it.

Even the most privileged cishet man who has never had the slightest inclination to trans his gender in his life is often aware that the norms governing his presentation and behavior could easily crucify him the moment he disobeyed them at all and was read as possibly a trans woman. For example, if he wore a dress to work there is a good chance he would be punished for doing so.

This isn't even unique to transmisogyny either. Homophobia is also used to control the behaviors of people who are not gay, for example. While it would be silly to deny that gay people are the ones most affected by this, the effects are nonetheless more widespread than that.

But I also have a secondary reason: A lot of the people discoursing about this are also doing stupid gender wars and stereotyping nonsense that I dislike on a personal level. Some of them even seem to be adopting radfem rhetoric on various points, such as pretending there's singular and universal gendered experiences or associating gender primarily with singularly righteous pain that The Imitators would never understand. I find that just as ignorant when they do it.

Furthermore, I don't think those terms have as much utility as people say they do. Certainly not more than when radfems cry about how trans people and gender-neutral language erase women and make it impossible to discuss misogyny. Not only is it possible to discuss transmisogyny without those terms (I have been doing it for over a decade) but a lot of the very same resources they keep saying everyone should read don't seem to use them either. In some cases they explicitly reject them.

[jinkicake]

~ ♡ Dear Lover ♡ ~ 

a tiny peek into your relationship

(( Day #3 )) Diluc, Kaeya, Tighnari, Xiao x Reader

A/N: all i know abt this is that when i wrote it i desperately wanted fluff.... as you all know im not good at writing it but here is my attempt.... i love love love these four T T why am i soooo obsessed w fluff rn i dont knowwwww

WC - 2,839

~~~

. . .

Diluc R. treasures his intimate time with you. 

The man has always enjoyed a quiet atmosphere, it brings him comfort that is akin to a warm blanket. Whenever he is in your presence, basking in the hushed ambiance of the winery, he feels the most at peace. 

For a second, Diluc lets his eyes leave the book in one of his hands in search of something more intriguing. His hard eyes stare at you while his fingers continue their light strokes against your calf, your legs currently draped over his lap. You’re reading your own book and biting on the inside of your cheek at whatever is happening within the novel. Diluc can’t tear his eyes away. 

There’s something about the way the afternoon sun is hitting your face and painting your body with a gorgeous golden hue, one so bright that Diluc thinks he needs to soon look away. He can’t, he’s always been selfish with you. His eyes find the subtle rise and fall of your chest and watch as you quietly breathe in and out, he’s certain he’s addicted to you. 

“How much longer are you going to stare at me?” Your lips quirked up as you continue to stare at your novel, you don’t even have to look at Diluc to tell that he is staring. Almost instantly, his eyes dart to a random spot in the room as if that will erase his piercing gaze. “You’re distracting me, my love,” 

Diluc’s breath almost hitches in his throat, he knows how much you despise being interrupted while reading. He almost starts to feel ashamed but then you close your book shut. 

“Good thing I need a distraction, I’m bored with this, it’s a shame.” You face him with a pout, a deep expression that Diluc just wants to kiss off and his fingers twitch at the opportunity to touch you. All he can do is wordlessly watch as you get up and shuffle your position on the couch. Now, your head is in his lap as you play with the ends of his long hair. 

Diluc’s book from earlier is now long gone. 

“(Y/N),” Diluc murmurs quietly as his gloved hand traces your jaw, his thumb rubbing your chin lightly. There’s something that shifts in his features, almost darkening, as you tilt your head back with a smile. Your throat, bare for him, has always been something of a weak spot for Diluc. 

He ignores the teasing glint in your eyes in favor of tracing one finger down the front of your neck. Before he knows it, his entire hand rests across the span of skin, his thumb now on one side of your throat with his other fingers resting on the opposite side. 

“How was work today?” You hum and Diluc starts to find it incredibly difficult to focus, he doesn’t understand how on earth you are managing to keep a decent conversation with him right now while his restraint is slipping through his fingers. 

“Work,” Diluc repeats, his low voice dragging the mumble out as he starts to gently squeeze his gloved hand around your throat. 

“You know, the thing that you do every day? What did you do today?” Your teasing is getting the better of him, not that he would ever admit to it. 

“What did I do today?” His words trail off as he lowers his face. Before he can stop himself, his lips find a home against your own without a second thought. 

. . .

No matter who he talks to, Kaeya A. always saves his gossip for you.

“That’s why Hertha left him.”

The time that you spend gossiping with Kaeya is time well spent, time that you deeply cherish. You can’t help but hang on to his every word, practically in his lap as you eat out of the palm of his hand. It’s a simple exchange really, priceless gossip for some sweet company. This time around, it’s Kaeya’s revelation that makes your jaw drop, and, despite his sultry voice, the rumors he shares are all you can focus on. 

“You’re kidding,” Gasps leave your lips as he continues to spill exactly what he knows and who told him. 

If only everyone loved hearing petty rumors and took them as if they came from the morning newspaper. Sadly, it can’t be the same for everyone. 

Diluc feels his eye twitch at the two familiar voices, hushed whispers that stand out amongst his crowded bar. He doesn’t even have to look over to see you and Kaeya with your bodies pressed incredibly close to one another. You’re nearly seating in his lap. The owner makes an exception, of course, because he’d do anything for his family. Family being you, not Kaeya. Diluc tries his best to stay on your good side, he’d hate for his brother’s partner to hate him. 

“Well, I heard from Donna that Hertha was the one who cheated-”

But if Diluc has to listen to the two of you gossip any longer, he might just rip his fiery hair out. Day in and day out, almost every night the two of you come here and talk for hours until he has to kick you both out. 

“Aren’t you a little busy bee? Did you find this out before coming here?” Kaeya softly coos into your ear, grinning at the embarrassed flush washing over you as you lean into his side. You place your chin in your hand as you lean over the bar, trying to wave down either Charles or Diluc for another drink. 

“If you want to hear my next story, you’re going to have to finish that,” You point at Kaeya’s drink, almost as if you’re offended by its presence. Your husband is pacing himself too much for your liking and you don’t want to be the only one off your ass.

Diluc notices Kaeya’s full glass too as he slowly pours you another, the owner isn’t a fool. He knows his brother better than anyone and knows that Kaeya is a gentleman through and through. You don’t often drink heavily when you spend time with either of them but, when you do, Kaeya is sure to keep his drinks lighter than usual. It is a show of affection that warms the redhead’s heart, not that he would ever admit it. Especially not to you and your loud mouth. 

You look so far gone that Diluc immediately scratches the idea of giving you another round. 

“Diluccc,” Your whine makes the older man sigh as he pulls back the wine bottle from your grasp. Despite your efforts to reach over and grab the liquid gold, you fail because of a certain someone. Someone with strong hands who tightly grip your waist to keep you from falling over and despite their cold touch, you start to feel incredibly hot. “Kaeya!” You’re drunk as shit.

“You’re cut off.” Diluc takes away both glasses of alcohol before moving on to another pair that is sitting at his bar. He ignores you despite all your cries. 

“No, but Diluc, you have to listen to this!”

. . .

Tighnari is an early riser and thoroughly enjoys getting you up in the mornings. 

This habit of his is not by choice but, is instead something that he can’t avoid. Every morning he wakes up just before the sun rises and stares at his ceiling before any existential dread kicks in. Even when he doesn’t need to be awake for patrol or for anything of importance, the man cannot sleep. 

Every morning, Tighnari gets a few seconds of peace before his entire body starts to ache. When his heart starts to feel a little too heavy, he simply rolls onto his side and looks at you. 

You’re always buried under the blanket, tugging on the material that is laid neatly across his lap. Each morning your face is pushed up against the many pillows you have so generously decorated his bed with and, Tighnari’s favorite aspect of your sleeping form, there’s always a little bit of drool spilling past the corner of your lips.

He lifts his bare hand to wipe away at your mouth, gently thumbing over the spot before catching it with his thumb. It’s cute how your nose twitches at the slightest touch, Tighnari almost coos. Once he finishes staring at you and tracing your features until his heart is content, the forest watcher will force himself to get up. 

His morning routine is very simple, get clean and ready for the day. Since Tighnari is the earlier riser of the two of you, he always does the favor of making breakfast. When he has the time, he’ll force you to eat a ka’ak or two before handing you your coffee. He’s not a fan of the smell but, he’ll do anything to see the excitement in your eyes upon the sight of your favorite mug in his hand. 

Tighnari doesn’t shy away from the fact that he adores you. Why would he?

Almost like a ritual, Tighnari fills up your cup with hot water, mixing in the coffee powder, before sprinkling in a natural enhancer. It makes the drink sweeter and easier to drink in his opinion. 

But sometimes, the sweetness gives him a toothache. He simply prefers not to drink it at all but that never stops him from bringing it back to your shared bed. 

With a light hand, he places the mug on your side table before sitting on the edge of the bed. Tighnari places his touch against your lower back before softly pressing his fingers into your skin. It wakes you up just enough that you start to squirm but, you are not fully awake yet. The smell of the coffee will inevitably wake you up, it always does. 

“(Y/N),” Tighnari and his soft voice call out to you like a light in a pitch-dark space. You instantly shift out of your slumber. “wake up.”

You swat at him with a groan and refuse to open your eyes. Every morning, it’s a battle with you. 

“Wake up.” Tighnari tries again and this time, it is firmer. You blink the sleep out of your eyes and force yourself to sit up in one go. Almost instantly, your facial expression morphs into one of a frown and Tighnari matches your glare. He’s not going to let you get off easy. “Come on,”

He gently tugs on your wrist and tries to help you up, to shake any lingering effects of sleep that still have a hold over you. You ultimately ignore him and choose to instead place a gentle kiss on his shoulder. 

Oh, how Tighnari loves his mornings with you. 

. . .

Xiao cherishes his shared evenings outdoors with you. For as long as he has known you, the yaksha has enjoyed being by your side and always finds comfort in your presence.

Today, the karmic debt that looms over him like an angry cloud doesn’t feel as demanding because of you. Sometimes when you touch him, it’s as if the pressure is gone and Xiao can finally breathe. But then, he has to protect Liyue all over again. 

And he’ll continue to give his life to it in order to keep you and the various others in his area safe. 

So incredibly safe that you can walk around at night with no worries, you’ve always admired the stars. 

“Are you ready?” You’re holding your hand out to him, a loose jacket hanging around your shoulders due to the night breeze. Xiao blinks and hesitantly places his hand in your own before you proceed to drag him around Dihua marsh. “Isn’t it nice out?” 

In his thin attire, Xiao wordlessly nods. The weather never matters much to him, he doesn’t feel too cold or too hot but, sometimes he gets uncomfortable. 

Right now, the air is perfect. The yaksha can admit it to himself and he almost closes his eyes to focus on the feeling. Whisps of wind fly past his ears and the feeling is too freeing, the burden on his shoulders feels lighter because of it. 

Under the delicate touch of your hand, the duty almost feels nonexistent. 

“What do you think?” 

Xiao almost forgets that you had been talking. You were explaining some situation about your coworker, how you think that she has a secret partner and refuses to tell you. Regardless of whether or not he was listening, Xiao has no idea what to say.

“Think?” He repeats and you can’t help the way that you start to laugh. You squeeze his hand (and by association, the strings of his heart) as you almost start to double over due to your laughter. Maybe it’s the clueless look on his face or the slight furrow of his brows that has you so amused. 

“You’re cute,” You gently wrap your arms around his bicep and press the muscle against your chest, both of your hands wrap around his own as you cuddle into his side. The new display of affection is nothing new, you always touch Xiao openly like this but, that doesn’t mean the yaksha is entirely used to it. Xiao nearly trips over his own two feet when he feels your cheek press into his arm. “well, do you think Yuhua has a boyfriend? You always know everything,”

Xiao bites on his own tongue to stop himself from admitting that he does not, in fact, know everything. Far from it but, he hates to let you down. In truth, he hasn’t been paying attention to the waitress closely. He has no idea what’s going on with her or her love life. 

“I’m not sure.” Slowly, he answers you as if he is gauging your reaction. To his surprise, you inevitably sigh before bringing your eyes up to the night sky. 

“That’s okay,” You comment and Xiao wants to ask if you really mean it. “I’ll let you know as soon as I find out. It will be soon!” He’s sure of it, with your determination, nothing stands in your way. The longer he stares at you and your soft features, the more Xiao feels something inside of him stir.

Under the bright light of the moon high in the sky, Xiao finds himself squeezing your hand back. 

. . .

2023/02/05 ♡

[mushroominawaterbottle]

Pookies beloveds do you jnow that cats the musical is the best thing ever created and all the songs are so good and the entire point of the musical is that they are a community and despite it being really weird and having a cat orgy it also has amazing set design, even if it all just happens in the same place and in that one scene when Alonzo kicks a ball and it hits Mr Mistoffeles it was actually an accident and he was meant to catch it and in the 2015 brazilian adaptation in Rio de Janeiro, Rum Tum Tugger holds Mr Mistoffeles' jacket for him so he can dance and also the guy who plays him does a little voice crack while singing and sometimes i repeat it to stim and also do you know that the guy who plays Old Deuteronomy voices that one guy in the Nightmare before Christmas and i headcannon that Victoria is deaf because she is a white cat with blue eyes and its really common for them to be deaf and also i dressed up as Mr Mistoffeles to go to school when i was like 14 and also i think that the 2019 version was really bad not only because of the cgi but because they fundamentally misunderstood the enture story because it makes absolutely no sense that Victoria is the protagonist, the whole point of the thing is that there is no protagonist and that all of them have i am songs instead of i want songs and also the decision to remove Jemima and Demeter and Cassandra and Jellilorum and Etcetera and Electra and leaving only Bombalurina was a horrible idea and making her evil is just fucking up her character, she just think that Macavity is hot she doenst agree with him and also having him sing his own song was so fucking stupid and he was there all the time wich makes no sense because they say in the song that tahy can never find Macavity and he is a ginger cat so why the fuck is he brown, the only person who did a good job was the guy who played Skimbleshanks and thats because he is a trained dancer and not a random celebrity, also they made fun of Bustoffer Jones wich is stupid because in the musical all the cats respect him because he eats everyday and having all the cats singing their own songs was horrible, it took away all of the meaning of all of them being a group, also them making Mr Mistoffeles sing and be all shy was the worts thing ever, Rum Tum Tugger singing his song was to show that he cared about him and trusted him to bring Old Deuteronomy back safely and also he decends from the sky in a sparkling jacket and shoots lightning from his hands, that was a discervice to his characther and dont even talk aboyt beautiful ghosts because this song took away the entire meaning off memory, Grizabella wants to go back to the past so bad that she is willing to do anything for it wich is why she is the chosen for the Jellicle choice and gets to be reborn , the important thing wasnt that it was Victoria who held her hand, the important thing was that no one stopped her, meaning that she had been accepted back in, wich is why in the movie her charactherisation is shit because she would never back away from touch, touch is all she wants, touch means that she is loved and is part of the Jellicles. Also there is way too little dance in the movie. Cats is a ballet. You cant take this out of it. What the fuck do you mean the Mr Mistoffeles song is 1 minute long and he doenst even dance. Where are the piruettes you cunt. Also all the male cats having crushes on Victoria is incredibly out of characther. And they took away my girl Demeter. She had fucking PTSD and it made the viewer understand how evil Macavity trully was and also she sang beautifully and erasing her interactions with Munkustrap was a crime. They fucking had Gus sing his own song instead of Jellilorum wich is stupid because it showed that they cared about him even when he is too old to dance. And Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser didnt even had their dance routine.

[yourclumsyguardianangel]

the seven + a few others future headcanons

percy:

becomes a high school teacher

teaches high school marine biology (idk how it is in other schools but when we hit sophomore year we got to choose different bio classes ie: marine bio, ag bio, med bio + regular bio)

also teaches the mythology elective and is the swim team coach

annabeth:

we already know this queen is an architect with obvious inspiration from greek architecture

learns how to make blue food for percy and their kids from sally

has traveled all over the world looking at different architecture

learns the basics of many languages so shes able to communicate with the locals

her and leo team up to build a small school near camp half-blood for year rounders so everyone can learn consistently but dw they get summers off

piper:

love her but shes a nepo baby

she doesnt act like it tho

”are you tristan mcleans daughter?” “who?”

loves her dad to bits but does not like being seen out in public by the paparazzi

marries shel, they dont have kids tho, neither of them want to bring any into the world especially with america’s downfall and the government erasing women and poc rights

is basically leos big sister atp

leo:

him and calypso dont last, maybe a year and a half in they split bc calypso wants to explore the world and leo is very emotionally unstable and calypso has a hard time understanding

they end on good terms but dont ever talk unless its with a group of friends

he goes into a trade to become a mechanic and owns his own shop

starts smoking cigarettes/vaping

his friends dont really approve but they understand he cant quit just yet as hes not in a mental space to do so

goes to therapy with a psychologist whos a demigod that specializes in grieving and war trauma

they all go to therapy but hes the last one to do it

he’s still the ‘happy go lucky’ guy hes always been but as he gets closer w the others they start to see the true sadness in him

piper and him grow a lot closer after jason died and have a big sister little brother relationship

hazel:

my girl stays at camp jupiter

takes nicos place at camp

horse trainer

her and frank also dont work out as a romantic relationship, they felt that the age gap was too much after frank turned 18 and hazel was 15 theyre still friends tho

hazel often visits leo in his shop

as much as leo reminds her of sammy, through therapy she has recognized that theyre separate people and to not push all her past feelings for sammy onto leo

not only does she train horses but she also teaches little kids basic math, science, and history to the younger kids

they all call her ms. hazel

she prefers to teach the really young kids (age 4-7)

wears her hair in different braid styles after BOO

frank:

my friggin HOMIE

i relate to frank a lot personality wise

therefore i think hed be a 4/20 fanatic after BOO

hes not stoned during training or during important camp duties

but otherwise you try talkin to him and you dont really notice until you look and see the far off look and red eyes and he just goes “huh?”

other than that hes a great leader

after he gets his cool new look from mars he takes really good care of his body including consistent exercise and eating really healthily (maybe he has a soft spot for fast food when hes hi)

him joining the military does not make sense to me

he lost his mom to war, and he was in one himself, idk about you but i would not wanna join the military after being the main character in a war

he studies to be a veterinarian for exotic animals

when no one is around he shifts into the animal to find out whats wrong

”dr. zhang prefers to work by himself” “why” “idk but hes always right, if it aint broke dont fix it”

jason:

rip home-slice

nico:

my other homie

my guy does not get taller than 5’8

stays at camp during the summer to train the new and old kids

him and will get a house together

teaches history at the camp school

cat dad (5 cats and counting)

will:

takes nicos last name when they marry bc its cooler

him being a doctor doesnt click w me i more picture him being an EMT

EMTs are hotter anyways

does med training with new apollo kids whenever he gets time

if he’s not busy during working hours he drops by nicos classroom w his fav drink from dutch bros (starbucks is MID) and hangs out with him and his students

[adilynnyuri]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

Hii love!

BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!

I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!

First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!

Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!

You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!

And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.

I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!

You are limitless and you can do anything!

Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!

��I will give you an example from my life!

My success in revising an embarrassing situation!

Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)

Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

Suggestion for you! 💕

I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,

"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"

I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[thatneoncrisis]

oooh ok feel free to ignore this since it isn't the ask game technically, but how do you feel tamsyn pulls punches with john? where do you think that could improve? i'm curious and i love hearing ur analysis of this stuff

ok so this is just my own personal opinion. but after reading the series like three times ive basically come to the consensus that tamsyn is much more in tune with writing john as kiwi and not as maori

and its not that is completely erased from the text. but you REALLY have to hunt for it as opposed to him being kiwi which is incredibly obvious in the way he talks about his old life in ntn. i dont think i would have even known he was maori if she didnt say gideon was and i was actively looking for it. but she kind of treats characters being indigenous as like a cool fun fact rather than an active part of their identity. and this is related to a much longer and more draining conversation about how race/ethnicity even WORKS in the empire which is set 10000 years in the future. we as a society Right Now cant even agree on what race cleopatra was do you like. get what im saying

anyway what im trying to get at is the empire, designed and run by One Guy, the Only person who remembers earth culture, actively deciding to model its systems of government, religion, military, language and aesthetics after staples of western imperialism (like most of the names are pulled from greek or roman or biblical figures) is one thing. because i understand the books are actively christian, tamsyn is catholic theres like Commentary on those elements. but there is no commentary as to why a polynesian guy would Actively gatekeep his own culture from a world HE made. they are clearly speaking english, gideons name had to be TRANSLATED to kiriona, theres a decent chance shes not even pronouncing it correctly. thats fucking insane. the characters in tlt are living in a cultural genocide by magnitudes that we cannot even comprehend and they cant even like. talk about it they cant THINK about it. the text hasnt given them time to. does he think theyre not worth it? why not? these are questions the text isnt interested in asking let alone answering

even when theres an opportunity for contrast, ie new rho, its all done in broad strokes of vague descriptions of Other cultures. we suffer speaks in accented house. what accent? pyrrha can speak 4 languages including house to varying degrees. what languages? she makes pikelets in the morning this is obviously a very nz/aussie thing, so this wartorn city Also has them theyre just a universal constant. new rho is just kind of described as Apocalypse Desert City, it could look like fucking LA for all i know and nothing would change

tldr tamsyn wrote very good kiwi characters and im obviously talking as someone who isnt kiwi but Is not white but her like aversion or indifference to writing inarguably indigenous characters in a way outside of their physical appearance wrt how it informs their ideals and motivations could be more. just More. this is literally one of the most insanely cruel things john has done and nobody in universe can even call him on it because hes scrubbed all traces of it from existence what if we exploded

[msbunnat]

(Before I say anything this isn’t meant to be hate this is just my thoughts)

I think the reasoning on why people are thinking you are romanticizing Ganymede and Zeus’s story is because you’re making it look like instead of making Ganymede scared of Zeus, it looks like Ganymede is proud to have been kidnapped by Zeus and that he wears a badge of being SA by Zeus. For example, in one of your drawings you said how Ganymede would react to one of Zeus's kids wanting to fight him to where Ganymede said that he had sex with their father, Zeus, making it sound like he was proud and not that affected by Zeus’s actions.

(Again, this is not hate; I'm just explaining what might have caused people to think you're romanticizing Zeus's and Ganymede's relationship.)

No worries, I actually sometimes dont understand when someone is being hateful, so I would read it as just normal.

SO! Again, dosent matter how Ganymede is portrayed, people will think it shouldnt even exist any discussion of him (like, there was an artist that literaly make Zeus as a vile abuser of Ganymede and Hebe was consoling him - EVEN THIS SITUATION THAT SHOW EXPLICIT HOW BROKEN GANYMEDE WAS, PEOPLE HAVE COMPLAINED AS ROMANTIZATION ;w;). So just dont try to look for a reason, there are a lot and none depending sole on who is interpreting my drawings.

This specifc drawing you mentioned, I did way after this recent wave of hate and was just a joke. This case dosent have so much meaning behind the joke, but like, you can have your interpretation as him coping, or he feel for Zeus, or he just want to mess with other gods as he is the only 'mortal' and use Zeus as a shield so he can just be lying... LET YOUR IMAGINATION FLY.

Look... my very firsts drawings and tiktok of Ganimedes was him mad... He literaly mad cry... Even before any nsfw I have done or more nuansed art... and yet people also thougth as romantization... So really, dosent matter what I do, to some people just because of my style or because Zeus is hot its equal to be ok with anything he does (as if abusers cant be attractive... its good those people never meet someone like this, but still makes me worry about them). Ah! There re two expections: some eagle interactions re sweet because its before any harm; and Ganimedes smiling one time on a tiktok video (I though people would be intriged and make questions, but nope, they stick to Ganimedes liking being abused I guess - welp the fetish exists, but I know they mean as me saying 'abuse is ok because he liked it').

I dont know where people think that just because Ganimedes its not suffering in every single second means he is ok to all harm and struggle he will pass... I want to make him suffer as an OC, but like, let him have happy moments... and this also means happy moments with Zeus... and all of this dont erase any bad things... this binary way to see stories its just so not my thing -w-

Oh! and its not because you have intimacy with someone you also love them (like, rage f*cking is a thing and I want to explore it, maybe outside the comic, idk yet u.u). I also have some cannibalism drawings Gani x Zeus, cause imagine eating a god!! So exciting!

OK now for real, I will not answer anymore romantization discustion for some time. I'm tired of this, I will do my things and hope people have patience before stating something that its still in progress. Aske me about it in two months maybe...

[grimforks]

while i understand why people dont want to or wont vote for Kamala, i cant help but feel those people are being extremely fucking ignorant and stupid. what do you think will happen if she loses? do you think trump will handle the genocide any better? he wont. and you have to know he will be worse. you have to know that he will do everything he can to directly support israel. and he will do it *loudly*. dont let trump's relative silence on the genocide during the campaign cycle trick you into thinking not voting for Kamala will be better for the people of Gaza

then, consider the impact on your community (which really should be first priority but whatever). do you understand the attack the republicans have planned against every minority in america? the impact that will have on women? gay people? trans people? non-white people? they are fighting to erase is from society. to send us back to the 1950s. so many of *your* community, those directly around you, will die if the republicans get office again. and it wont just be during the next four year term. republicans stack courts, put policy into place, completely overhaul our societal structure, and they ensure the damage will be felt for *decades*.

it is a noble cause to fight for the survival of the palestinians, to want so badly for them to live and flourish as they deserve to! i am really truly disgusted and depressed with how our political parties have chosen to turn their backs to it, but fuck *me* it feels you all have lost sight of your own lives! the lives of your family and friends and neighbors! please for just a moment think of those directly around you, and of yourself too.

it sucks having to vote for someone who is not on the same page as you, but the other option is a man who thinks Hitler was a great guy. and really unfortunately if you dont vote for Kamala, you are in essence voting for the fascist Hitler fan.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

pls pls pls pls pls yap about ur opinions on fanon and the absolute slaughter that has happened to some of these characters!!! oml pleaseeeeee! i'm dying to hear someone who agrees with me cuz so many ppl just don't get it!!!!!!! babe i'll take anything!!!! fanon!remus slander, love it, fanon!regulus slander, live for it, fanon!sirius slander, NEED it!!! if you're feeling really in the mood, maybe marlene?? literally just yap and im yours!!!!!!!

HI ily OKAY SO!!!

fanon remus fuck him man he's so annoying i hate everything about him but TODAY i will be talking about his backstory im sorry its so !!! UGH. so much of the marauders fandom makes him either an orphan (atyd)/give him severe daddy issues and i hate that ?? so much ???

he suffered a lot canonically thru his childhood, but people erase that and give him these new issues that dont go well w his character (at least in the way i've seen it done).

do people not understand having a very lonely childhood + being discriminated against x2 + having low self esteem + etc can give you long term consequences??? do they think the only way one can have trauma/ptsd/etc is if they got beat by their dad?? probably !!! so @ marauders fans fuck you !!! other problems exist lmao they're just not as romanticizable

fanon AND canon regulus. I HATEEE HIM. I DESPISE HIM. I CANNOT. i cannot rant about him rn. it's like 9am and im trying to have a good day.

fanon sirius my bby what did they do to you ☹️☹️☹️

i cant even hate him bc i just feel so bad for him every1 litr hates him+bullies him sm like he doesnt even do anything and like that must be so triggering and annoying and ugh ily bby

but like rant right SAWR

i actually do NOT understand why sirius was changed sm in fics ?? like you could just shittily simplify his char to remus fanon or morally grey bf or smth and thats infinitely hotter+more accurate ??? idk !!!! ive ranted abt him a lot so idk what to yap abt rn IM SORRY ily

MARLENE !!!!!!!!!!!!! marlene. ok i hate her fanon. like fr. why is she the token mean lesbian like ho get a life. her only traits are gay gay & gay and bfr we see the problem w that right. like ugh. + i never see any discrimination she has to face ?? which is weird esp since beabadoobee is a lot of people's fc of her? and shes gay ?? i feel like when u have a char thats just a blank slate you can do sm w it but the marauders fandom just turned her into npc number 14 like fuck u man

[stevie-petey]

Hey m! I know you're writing a bonus chapter right now (which I'm so excited for!!!) but I had a blurb idea of you're still doing em. When the Byers move and after all the goodbyes are said. Jonathan's pov driving away from bug and all these emotions and memories coming back. Maybe a little insight on some of the conflicted feelings about bug because we know there's a little something brewing there. Or maybe not and I'm just delusional and in love with Jonathan who knows.

anon i am also in love with jonathan and ur not at all delusional <333 everything is intentional !!

enjoy !

"'come again soon'," will reads aloud the hawkins sign, the goodbye it bids to its visitors. except will had never been a visitor, he had grown up in this town his entire life. will shakes his head, he cant believe theyre really leaving. "think we ever will come back here?"

jonathan eyes dont leave the road. he refuses to look at the sign they pass. he doesnt look back in his mirror to watch it fade into the distance. he has to look forward. look ahead. not back.

"sure, yeah." he responds to his brother. like will, jonathan also cant believe theyre really leaving. this is where they grew up, and the horrors they faced cant erase that. "i mean, hawkins is our home, ya know?"

home. jonathan knows that the word is your favorite within the english language. for a long time, he didnt understand how it could be. it was just a house. just four walls and a roof.

then, one day, jonathan understood.

will nods, he doesnt say anything else. instead, he turns to watch the landscape fly past his window. the radio in the car has one of jonathans tapes playing softly. neither boy speaks. the memories each of them posses settle in the car. they get lost in their own thoughts.

jonathan thinks about nancy. their kiss goodbye still lingers on his lips. with every mile he drives, he can feel the distance between them grow and the tension within his chest tighten. jonathan loves her with such a ferocity that terrifies him. hes weak for nancy. she guides him, steadies him, and he doesnt know what hes going to do without her.

no one has ever understood how nancy and jonathan fell for one another. not even you, despite how well you know them both.

if hes being honest, jonathan doesnt quite understand how it happened, either. all he knows is that one day nancy walked into his life and everything sharpened. his senses were heightened.

loving nancy wheeler was like walking into a thunder storm knowing the lightning will kiss your skin instead of singeing it.

to love nancy wheeler was to be invincible. she makes jonathan braver, more cunning, she pushes him to be better. to be bolder. she would never let him drown in his own silence.

but this love is also rough, it is hard with edges that sometimes puncture jonathans skin. everything to nancy is a challenge. its how she views the world; its how she views everything around her.

suddenly the tape pauses, changes to the next song, and the soft beginning notes of these days by the cure plays.

jonathan smiles.

he discovered the song when he had been laying on his bedroom floor with you next to him. his dad had left behind old tapes. you showed up on the byers doorstep as you always did, and that day had been one of jonathans quiet days. they happened sometimes, following the divorce.

you never asked why, or for jonathan to speak when he didnt want to. never had you ever pushed him. instead you laid next to jonathan on the floor and listened to music together. your hair tickled his face, your hand skimmed his, and jonathan breathed in the scent of his best friend.

the song floated through the room. you seemed to like it, jonathan remembers you closing your eyes and humming along to it. from the very beginning of your relationship, jonathan knew that music was something you didnt want to talk about. it was something that was only yours, and he never pushed you. the acceptance went both ways.

as you were humming, jonathan turned his head to face you. his breath had caught in his chest, he felt as if he had been knocked down. the afternoon suns rays painted your face, illuminating you. the yellow gold of the light made you look like a marble statue jonathan had learned about in class last year. angelic, soft, a work of art.

jonathan knew he loved you the day you called his name on weathertop hill. the dandelions had framed your face, caught in your hair, and the yellow ones danced around your ankles. your smile had been the same as it is now, a year later and still just as delicate.

loving you was soft, easy. for jonathan, loving you was something he didnt know how to not do. sometimes it felt like he was born to love you, to understand the complexities behind your eyes and the hurt you masked. just as you do for him.

it strikes jonathan then, how differently he loves you and nancy.

for you, love is safe, warm, familiar.

for nancy, love is complex, gritty, all encompassing.

and now jonathan will be thousands of miles apart from the two of you.

nancy has always loved a challenge. youve always loved familiarity.

jonathan wonders how this will end.

[edenfenixblogs]

hope you dont mind me sending an ask being a total stranger and all, i just don't wanna bother op of that post

fd does bring up the fact kendrick is a BHI/hotep briefly, specifically that that's great ammo for a beef because to most people the bhi/hoteps are considered weird and embarrassing and would be insanely easy to make fun of in a beef (at least according to most black people I've spoken with & fd himself), but also he believes that drake probably doesn't even really grasp what they are because he's distanced himself in such a specific way from the black community (and arguably jewish community as well, though i think fd only kinda alludes to it) in a really specific way- BUT, that it was an evolution, he started out in a very odd cultural position where he was ostracized for simultaneously recieving antiblackness from white & jewish communities he was a part of but also seen as "not black enough" by many black people (and it's still a bullshit take people will have)

that desire to fit in is what led him down a shitty road, but also drake already clearly had some clearly terrible behaviors already. he talks about how kendrick was being unhinged too and isnt necessarily one to talk

overall the video is more about the music history behind it and the connection between it and the current culture, and just kinda what led to this climate that could want the downfall of drake

i dont know if i agree on drake not knowing about BHIs, though i could believe he doesnt with how he really weirdly constantly codeswitches even wrt jewishness, but imho fd doesnt like to touch on areas where he really cannot speak to the experience, he's said as much in the past, so he only speaks very briefly of the black perspective of how hoteps are goofy as hell

sorry for rambling, im really into music, think fd did the video well although i dont agree with all his opinions, and just wanted to articulate it correctly that it's really more about the musical climate than anything else :)

I don’t mind this message at all!!! In fact, I’m so grateful for it!

This is all really good info. I would believe that Drake didn’t know about BHI, tbh. I didn’t know about it until a couple years ago when Ice Cube (who I grew up loving 😭😭😭) did some heinous shit awhile ago and I was like “Why did my man come for us Jews what the fuck??”

And then a mutual told me about BHI and I looked up. And found a whole new group of people who hate, dehumanize and erase us. 🙃🙃🙃🙃

I mean, theoretically, maybe Drake may have had more exposure to it as a Black and Jewish man. His mere existence makes him more of a target for people invested in that kind of ideology. But also, I do and always have very much gotten the sense that he was ostracized from much of the black community for his Jewishness and mixed race reasons—not due any specific issue in the black community, but just because people are always dicks to people who don’t neatly fit into social categories in expected ways. I can also see how being a Black rapper in white-passing Jewish circles could have been very uncomfortable if those white-passing Jews were inclined to tokenize or exclude him. So it’s possible to me that his bilateral isolation might have insulated him from BHI discourse.

Tbh I don’t think code switching is weird in almost any circumstance. It’s just a development in reaction to your environment. I have a really multiethnic and multicultural family and code switch all the time. I think if it seems weird when Drake does it, it might just be because he has not developed (and tbh should never have had to develop) a strong sense of what “version” of Drake he is supposed to be. So when he tries to read the room and meet expectations, be just does it badly. But it’s not his fault in the long run. It is fault of people who expect him to fit those expectations in the first place.

I respect the hell outta fd for staying in his lane and only speaking on what he understands. And with this context I’m glad he brings up BHI at all. Because it *is* relevant. Being Black and Jewish ANYWHERE are both identities that permeate every single element of someone’s lived experience. When dealing with a beef between people where one is Black and Jewish and the other is Black and attempts to usurp Jewishness by re-categorizing it historically and racially…the cultural friction at play is absolutely relevant.

I’m sure it isn’t the whole story or even likely to be the most important factor in their beef. But it is definitely A factor and it wouldn’t have been right to leave it undressed. Especially when the beef took off as antisemitism more broadly was on the rise due to current events.

I am glad to know that most people still see BHI as a goody ideology. There’s still wayyy too many people who believe it, though. I’ve lived with the consequences of their hatred for white-passing Jews for several months now and it is…unpleasant. But mostly it’s heartbreaking. I grew up listening to Ice Cube. I used to cite James Baldwin. I adored Alice Walker. And finding out that they hate me one by one was devastating. But the worst part has been OTHER BHI folks using their words to justify their own hatred of me and all Jews like me while simultaneously making me feel like I was harming them in some way just by existing.

I want to be clear that I do not and never have believed that most black people believe BHI bullshit. I’m only saying that it was a shock to me the sheer number of people who DO believe it and how vehemently they hold that belief and direct that vehement *emotion* directly at me. It’s really good for me to know that people who aren’t Jewish are publicly speaking out against BHI bullshit. It restores a lot of hope for me.

So ok. I’m back on the “maybe I’ll watch in a little bit when I’m less raw” train. I also love music, even though I’m certainly not up to date on it. So I’m intrigued to know more about the musical landscape of what’s going on.

Thanks again!

[scarisd3ad]

Begin again

Pairing(s) - billy Hargrove x fem!reader (past), Steve harrington x fem!reader

Summary- after the end of your 2 year long relationship with billy you finally go on a date again and realize how horrible billy really was to you.

Warnings - mentions of a toxic relationship

Masterlist

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror, this was my first date I was going on since I broke up with Billy and somehow, I can't shake all the old habits I used to have. he hated when I wore heals absolutely hated them because he said they made me taller than I actually was. I slip them off not knowing if Steve had the same preference. I decide on a pair of Mary janes that still had a heal but wasn't that tall it was barely an inch. this was just a first date down at the coffee shop around the corner, but I still felt this overwhelming pressure to look good.

I put my favorite cassette into my Walkman. Billy hated this song, and he always made it known when I listened to it. "God why do you like this shit" he'd mutter every time. I decided on walking to the coffee shop since it was a nice day, and the coffee shop was just down the road.

when I arrive, I assume Steve would be late because Billy always was. I just assumed all men didn't care about punctuality. but when I open the door Steve's sitting at a table in the far back corner. the bell from the top of the door pulls his thoughts from the menu he was looking at. he looks up and waves me over. when I walk to the table, he gets up pulling the chair across from his out for me. I smile, Billy never did this for me. "Thank you" he shakes his head as I take a seat "it's not problem."

'you dont understand how nice that is, but i do'

he throws his head back laughing when I tell a joke that I didn't think he'd find funny because Billy never did. he always said I wasn't funny, but Steve thought I was. "it's not that funny" I giggled as I push a piece of my hair back behind my ear. he continues to laugh, and I can't help but admire how handsome he looks. I've spent the last I don't know how long believing that love was a horrible thing that I never wanted to do again but right here in this coffee shop everything changed. it was like everything I ever experienced with Billy was erased and I was able to begin again.

James Taylor was my favorite singer and somehow was Steves too. "I've never met a girl who has as many James Taylor records as me" he laughs after I told him about my collection. Billy would've found that as me trying to say I was better than him in some type of way, but Steve doesn't. I laugh "ma-maybe you could come over one day and I Dunno check'em out" I say with a shrug he nods "yeah, yeah that would be fun."

he tells stories about his friends and his family and thinks it's weird I'm coming off a little shy. I was used to listening and not talking with Billy. "Are-are you alright?" he asks his brows furrowed together; I shake my head "ye-yeah I'm fine i-i I'm sorry" I mumble "it's alright you don't gotta be shy around me" he whispers.

as he walks me down the block to my house, I almost bring Billy up trying to forgive Steve for my nervousness, but he brings up the movies that he and his friends watch every Christmas and I want to talk about that. "Yeah, and we watch the grinch every year on the 24th and all the kids come and robin and Eddie too and shit its cool" he laughs. for the first time what's past is past and I don't want to bring Billy up anymore. I don't want to pretend I don't like my favorite artist or pretend I don't love wearing high heels for a man who wouldn't even kiss me. "y'know I really like you and I'd really like to do this again" Steve says as we stop in front of my house "I really like you too" I whisper as I look down at the ground flustered. he places his hand on my chin pushing it up so I'm making eye contact with you. "Can I kiss you?" he asks I nod before leaning in and pressing my lips to him.

'On a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again'