#i really dont know how to get rid of
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Hmm.
#i kinda miss being able to just eat without any concern for my body or health#like i didnt care as much when i was younger about it#i was just happy to eat yk#but ive lost a lot of weight since then so that i can fit into the style of clothes that i like#and i exercise to keep in shape#but just now we had smthin really delicious and i had to count the amount of stuff i had and make sure my calorie intake stayed low :''#its a bit troublesome tbh...#but hey. im a healthy person~ and my figure looks good#and i can mostly wear whatever i want (except my chest is large so i have to forgo dresses that dont stretch at the chest or dont measure#large there...sigh. i should look into breast reduction.)#anyway so yeah#my biggest waist measurement was...#36in/92cm#and now? its at 27in/68cm#my stomach is mostly flat now while it portruded lot when i was a bit younger. though i do still have a pouch below my belly button that#i really dont know how to get rid of#if anyone has any tips hmu pls lmaooo#i do core exercises and thats helped but!!! it wont go awaayyyyy#anyway since i had an unhealthy lunch i need to make sure to only eat fruits n veggies n red meat for the rest of the day...#its annoying. but i am happy with the lifestyle
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something something max's main color being red with blue highlights something something grace's main color being blue with red highlights something something motivations something something alive and dead something something
#would i like to do an analysis on the lighting? yes.#but for some reason my brain is only capable of analyzing bf and some bits of tgwdlm#dont expect much from me#but something i CAN say is that#the colors can represent their motivations and connections to the lords in black#such as dying in the waylon hall and getting to use the black book#and by motivations i mean#with grace; she decided to use the powers of the black book to get rid of 'dirty dudes'#which is something she most likely believes as a correct action#but the red highlights indicate the bits on evilness in her#it shows how her intentions don't change her actions#and for max; red is for vengeance#yet the blue highlights are used in here#mostly for 'who will pray for me' bit#and#this is something related. i believe that max was reflecting himself when saying those lines#it was not only for richie to repeat but also about himself#anyway back to the lighting#the blue represents that there is something deeper than just vengeance#'who will pray for me when im gone'#thats about himself. he knows that no one in the schoo really cared that much about his death besides the game#they only cared about the game. not max himself#so the lights during both npmd and ddmd represent#their connections to the lords. their motivations and intent. and how their actions are made#starkid#hatchetfield#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#max jagerman#grace chasity
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Here's the mondo sketches I promised, as well as @squishvicx request for Trans mondo HC!
#SORRY FOR GETTING RID OF HIS OG HAIRSTYLE IT WAS EXCRUCIATING TO DRAW I HAD TO COMPROMISE#also I DONT know how to draw muscles idk if you guys could tell LMAOOO#I like mondo alot he might be my fav drthh character#but I really like taka too#also I'm a firm believer in mondo and taka are Kaitos dads i feel like it makes so much sense so i added it#art#my art#fanart#danganronpa#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#drthh#dr1#dr1 thh#dr thh#mondo owada#owada mondo#danganronpa mondo#danganronpa 1#trigger happy havoc#danganronpa thh#artists on tumblr#kaito momota#chihiro fujisaki#kiyotaka ishimaru#ishimondo
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This is inspired by my own post. Don't even look at me.
It's a long shot, and Daniel is perfectly aware of it as he rides the elevator up to Max's room, but he refuses to think too hard about it, afraid he will reconsider the sanity of it and turn back.
You see, they used to have this...thing, back in the day. It didn't happen often enough to give a name to it, but when Daniel got pole or won a race, Max would find him and get on his knees for him.
It had started in 2016, Max fresh faced and wide eyed, pulling him into the bathroom of the club they were in. Not in Monaco, not even Max was bold enough for that, but in Malaysia. It had been hot and wet, and Daniel had tangled his fingers in Max's sweaty hair, pulling hard enough to make tears spring in his blue eyes, before coming down his throat.
Their thing had always been one way only. Max had been the one getting on his knees, and Daniel had never offered to get him back. It had been a relief, when Max had started winning more than him, he didn't want to owe blowjobs that often. Not that Max would have hold him to that if Daniel didn't want to, but it would have been a matter of pride, and justice, or whatever.
Daniel has spent a lot of time in the last couple of years thinking about it. Not much about the act itself, even if he has gotten off to the memories of Max's mouth more times than he can count, but about the whole concept of it. He had started wondering if it had been Max's first (debatable, kid had been too sure of himself, but again Max always was), if Max had wanted more (probably, he had seen the looks he would get on his face sometimes), why Max had never tried to talk to him about it. Why Daniel, arguably the more mature of the two, hadn't done it. If Max still thought about it too. If he thought about it as much as Daniel did.
The last time they had done this it had been Monza, in 2021. Max had shoved in his motorhome, flushed and furious, and had sucked Daniel off with such a passionate drive it had felt like maybe he was trying to get Daniel's soul too. Or like maybe he was trying to suck Daniel's P1 out of him through his dick. It had been one of the best blowjobs of his life, had left him dazed and panting on the couch while Max had bit out a congratulations and stormed out again, his shoulders just marginally less stiff.
And now Daniel is in front of Max's door, with a P5 that feels like a P1, feeling like he's going to be taking a step right out of a plane.
He hears shuffling when he finally knocks, and it's only when he hears Max open the door that the uncertainty hits him in full force. He has not thought this through at all. Or well, he has, just not further than this. How do you ask someone "hey it's been almost three years but I would like to cash in a blowjob"??
Max looks...soft. He has a pair of sweats on, one of his white tshirts, hair freshly washed and unstyled. The blank expression and small polite smile he's sporting when he opens the door, as if he was expecting to have to send someone away, immediately morph into a blinding smile when he spots Daniel. It's always been so easy, at least for Daniel, to make Max smile like that.
"Daniel!" he says, eyes crinkling, moving to the side to let Daniel in without having to be asked.
"Hello, Max."
His room is fairly tidy, his luggage open in a corner with a few team shirts spilling out just as it had always been, but the blankets on the bed are all askew, a comfy little nest around Max's open laptop.
"Am I interrupting something?" Daniel asks, motioning towards it. He never knows when Max is working, watching something, or playing with his friends, but he hopes it's nothing important. If it's something important and Max sends him away, Daniel knows he will never find the guts to do this ever again.
"No," Max starts, then turns, smiling more, "well, yes. I was watching Lando's onboards. But they are not important now."
It hits him unexpectedly hard, the casual acknowledgement that Daniel's presence is more important than whatever Max was already planning for his evening. It's nothing new, but it's been a while since Daniel has felt it, the way Max loves him so simply. Since he has felt deserving of it.
Something must show on his face, because Max's smile turns soft as he sits down on the couch near the window, patting the space next to him for Daniel to join him.
"Why are you here?" From anyone else, it would sound rude, but Daniel has been used to Max's bluntness since day one, misses it sometimes these days, now that he's a little more careful with it, so he knows Max only means exactly what he's asking.
Daniel also knows this could be the moment to bring it up, his request, but it feels wrong to just barge in on Max's evening, get an orgasm and leave. Back then he would have done it, but they're both different people now.
"I wanted to see you, Maxy," he says, aiming for joke and hitting fond instead. It's not a lie, but the way Max goes all pink and pleased feels too dangerous for his heart, so Daniel redirects. "P2, yeah?"
It's enough to set Max off, talking about corners and turns and steering and this car. Not my car, Daniel notes. He's not surprised by the difference, but he wonders if Max means to make it so obvious, how he feels about this year's car. Or maybe Daniel is just really versed in Max-speak.
He also notices the tension around his eyes a couple of times, when Max mentions the team, and if it was another night he maybe would have asked; it never took much for Max to tell Daniel things, especially when he was unhappy about something. But today he got P5, and something about the blush growing on Max's cheeks as he gets more and more animated, making his eyes looks even more blue, firmly sets him back on jumping off the plane and send it plans.
He waits for Max to slow down a little, then nudges his calf with his foot, enjoying the way Max immediately reacts by jabbing a finger into Daniel's side, tension disappearing from his face.
"P5 is not P2, but it's still pretty good, right?"
Max's smile is his best one yet, all bright and proud as he nods, reaching for Daniel again to squeeze his shoulder.
"Of course, you have been very good today, Daniel! I am glad you are again feeling the car right."
Always so sweet and earnest. If he hadn't already teared up a little before press, face hidden in Blake's shoulder, Daniel would have probably done it now. As it is, he just smiles back, lets Max talk through his lap, quietly pleased by the knowledge that Max had obviously watched his onboard already, before Lando's. Maybe, if he dares to hope it, even before George's.
It's probably that, feeling like he's still important to Max, what gives him the confidence to throw things into motion.
"Feels like a P1, mate."
For a split second, he doesn't know what to expect. Will Max understand what he means? Maybe Max has not been thinking about their past times together, maybe saying P1 will mean nothing to him, maybe he will just go on another rant on how different P1 is of course from P5. Or maybe he will understand Daniel, and he will just slide off the couch and onto his knees, and Daniel won't have to say anything else.
Max, obviously, because he's Max, does neither thing.
His expression changes, something focused and pinched, as he tilts his head a little and stares at Daniel, lips slightly pursed.
"You want to feel like P1?" he asks. To someone else it would sound like a perfectly normal question, but Daniel knows that Max has understood, because somehow Max always gets him, even now. He also knows that he will not get out of this without talking about it at least a little. They're both different people, he has to remind himself. He's not the only one who's changed.
He nods, because he's not one to go back on his steps when he's already decided to send it, but he doesn't say anything else.
Max still looks deep in thought.
"We..." he starts, then immediately changes trajectory, "I can. If that is what you want."
As if Daniel might have walked all the way over without wanting this, without wanting Max. He nods again, watches as Max shifts a little, eyes flicking down to Daniel's lap, then to his own hands. His ears are red.
"Why now?" he blurts out, fingers twisting together. "You have of course got P5 before, but you have never come to me."
For a second, Daniel feels breathless with the knowledge that this whole time, Max would have been willing. This whole time, he could have asked and Max would have said yes, even after all these years, even after his championships, even after 2022.
"It didn't feel the same," he answers, before adding in a whisper, a belated confession, "I missed you."
He sees the way Max's shoulders jolt, his head snapping up again, eyes wide and surprised. Daniel doesn't get it, they have said it before, but he doesn't get time to dwell on it before Max is smiling again, grabbing a pillow and gracelessly following it on the floor.
Suddenly, just from seeing Max on his knees, Daniel is half hard. No wanking memory could hold a light to the real thing, to Max, broad and solid and real.
He lets Max get his hands on his legs, spreading them gently and shuffling forward, fingers sliding up to his thighs. It's hard to swallow now, the air in the room suddenly heavy with anticipation.
"I have missed you," Max rasps, kneading at Daniel's legs, not even reaching for his waistband yet. "I have missed doing this for you."
Daniel closes his eyes, lets his head fall back, but he regrets it immediately when he realizes it means not looking at Max anymore. Max, who's now looking up at him, pupils blown and lips red. For a moment, Daniel wishes things were different, wishes this thing was one where they kissed too, where he got to drag Max in his lap and get to touch him, feel all the way he's different now.
"Up," is all Max says, breaking his dangerous train of thought, and Daniel just obeys, lifting his hips and letting Max take down his pants, leaving them pooled at his ankles.
He's sure he's imagining the sigh Max lets out, the way his fingers are trembling a little when they reach just barely inside his underwear, grazing the top of his thigh.
And then Max leans forward and licks over one of Daniel's tattoos.
The sound Daniel lets out is a mix of a yelp and a moan. He can feel the little shit smiling against his skin, right before he does it again, adding a bite at the end, followed by an apology kiss, and this too is different from how they used to do it, quick and dirty, straight to the prize. Daniel is not going to complain.
Max takes his time, kissing and licking his way up his tattoos, until his nose hits the side of Daniel's clothed dick, now well on its way to fully hard.
"Hello," Max whispers, like a nerd, flashing a cheeky smile up at Daniel, who's tempted to swat at him until Max opens his mouth and wraps his lips around the head of his cock, underwear and all.
Daniel barely has time to squeak out a curse, hips bucking up in surprise, before Max steps back, smile gone. When he looks up again, he looks so intensely hungry Daniel struggles to swallow, and for his next revelation of the day, he understands that the gangly and overenthusiastic teenager who had drooled all over his dick in a club in Malaysia must have gained quite a lot of experience since then.
He refuses to analyze how that makes him feel, at least for now.
Max doesn't waste any more time, luckily, since Daniel is now hot and straining, making quick work of Daniel's boxers and of putting his mouth on him. For a second, with Max's lips around his tip, Daniel gets thrown back in time, and maybe things are not so different after all. Then Max takes a breath and sinks all the way down.
"What the...shit!" Daniel swears, scrambling for something to hold onto and finding Max's shoulders, as his brain goes completely blank, fuzzy with static and pleasure.
Yes, Max has definitely gotten more experience, because what the fuck is this. He's still enthusiastic, moaning and drooling around Daniel, tongue swirling as if his dick is some sort of delicacy, but the technique is different now. It's like he graduated in cock sucking or something, like he's trying to prove he's not only a racing champion, but a sex champion, or maybe like he's trying to kill Daniel. Or all three together.
Daniel knows he's being loud, moans and swears tumbling from his lips without hope of being restrained, but it seems to only spur Max on, as he fucking deepthroats him again with no sign of gagging. What the fuck.
"Max, Maxy, babe," Daniel tugs at Max's hair, struggling to string enough words together to let him know that, embarrassingly, he's already close, but all that does is make Max moan, the vibration of it feeling like sparks up Daniel's back.
Luckily, Max seems to still get the message though, because he lets up a little, gently suckling at Daniel's tip, pressing a kiss to it before pulling back completely to look up at Daniel.
He's like a vision, cheeks red and eyes bright, mouth spit slicked and a bit swollen, hair falling on his forehead, and Daniel's desire to kiss him comes back in full force. Again, almost as if he was reading it on Daniel's face, Max stops that particular train of though.
"Can I swallow?" Max asks, voice rough, as if it is a totally normal question and not a way to make Daniel feel like he's going to die on the spot.
"Do you want to?" Somehow, Daniel's voice is worse than Max's, all breathy and fucked up, and he can see Max being pleased about it. Menace.
"I always want to."
Max always used to, even back then, but Daniel had never questioned if it was because he thought that was how it was supposed to be or because he wanted to. Having the answer now is devastating. He groans, letting his head fall back and nodding weakly, hoping Max will just have mercy on him and finally kill him, but it doesn't seem good enough for the other, who reaches up to grab Daniel's chin, gently but firmly pulling his head back down.
"Yes?"
Daniel is acutely aware he had never explicitly asked for consent before, and neither had Max.
Things are different now.
"Yes."
It doesn't take long after that, Max throwing himself back into it like a man starved, and Daniel falling apart under him, unable to control his hands, his hips or the volume of his voice. He swears Max moans when Daniel finally comes down his throat, shaking and twitching as Max sucks him through it. He's still dazed and out of it while Max helps him back into his clothes, fondly patting his dick before tucking it in, and he can only watch as Max hauls himself to his feet again, wincing slightly, and dropping back on the couch next to Daniel.
"Good?" Max asks, because he's a nerd and a little shit.
Daniel limply hits him with his eyes still closed, feeling himself smile in response to Max's laugh.
This is different too, he distantly thinks. Usually it was Max coming to him, and he would always leave immediately after, never hanging out for Daniel's comedown. Now, when he finally opens his eyes, Max is curled up next to him, still looking flushed and happy. Still obviously hard.
Things are different now, Daniel reminds himself, checking with himself for a second as he reaches forward to tap on Max's knee.
"Want help with that?"
#i KNOW this is not great but if i dont post bad smut then how am i supposed to get to the good smut???#and i am also deeply sorry this is almost 3k it was meant to be like half of that but i do not have the gift of brevity#if this is really bad let me know and i will delete and die in shame <3 please and thank you!#one day i will learn how to write i promise!#also i know the pacing of the sentences is weird sometimes but i have read it over once and i dont know how to fix it#and i don't want to do it again i just want to post it and get rid of it godbless#if there are typos no there aren't#my writing#maxiel
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staff logging on to tumblr dot com today
#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site#changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too#this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus#if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear#if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine#the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money#someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont#tumblr staff#EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but#that doesnt stop the post from being stupid#the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase#if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything'#staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did#so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post#edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post#they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us#i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded#and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money#tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol#ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years#but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one
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honestly the more i hear about engstars and its TLs the more i absolutely dread the inevitable release of poltergeist and what may ensue from it, bc if if the translators themselves are already invalidating arashis identity then i Really Truly do not want to see how theyll translate natsume and tsumugis microaggressions/transphobia towards her. esp since ive noticed a rise in people being comfortably transphobic towards her, and i REALLY do not wish to see natsume and tsumugi being stupid fucking morons be used as evidence to discredit her
and i think this is all the more reason why its VERY IMPORTANT for engstars to DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGE arashi and her gender. bc sometimes characters are STUPID and RUDE and APATHETIC. enstars is a story with NUANCED and FLAWED CHARACTERS, and when a character is being a fucking asshole youre meant to PROVE THEM WRONG. but they dont even acknowledge arashi as a girl themselves. so, if you do use engstars, please keep pressuring them bc omfg this is so bad and i can only see it getting worse
#a bit of a serious post sorreys its kinda me venting im just preparing for the worst#We should be legally allowed to beat the shit out of ntmg for what they said to arashi#i dont remember the exact quotes verbatim but tsumugi basically just expressed confusion abt her gender identity#n natsume flatout said something like shes lying to kids by calling herself a princess#so.#not good.#having characters show bigotry is not Necessarily a bad thing. but that is ONLY WHEN that bigotry gets disproven#but. engstars arent doing that.#theyre not disproving it.#they keep pretending like her gender is. well. Nothing#so i worry that this story is just gonna fuel the flames and make everything so much worse than it already is#anyway. if u play engstars please do keep pestering them for blatantly ignoring and misrepresenting arashis identity#i try to stay out of whatever goes on on that app but. Man.#she deserves better#But hey knowing them maybe theyll just fuckin cut out the dialogue alltogether to further act like trans people and their issues arent real#nat rambles#im a bit peeved as u can see sorry i just know how this fandom is and how they cant handle nuance or flawed characters#and im REALLY not happy with happyele REWRITING THE TEXT#and getting RID OF SAID NUANCE#GRHAGGRAHGRAGHHGHGH#sorry.#its like 3:30am i just needed to get this off my chest#maybe ill delete this but god.#free my girl
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Anyway
Todays episodes
Idk
I dont know what the future one was trying to tell me
But poor puppet trying to get info and everyones like WTF
like an alternate future that dosnt help at all
#are they showing what couldve happen what could happen etc idk#anyway poor sun. also HEY SOLAR??? ALRIGHT BRUH??#anyway earth talking about moon was frustrating but its not like. i dont know why#but damn being the viewer and knowing things sucks because the other character dont know osmething#but all in all earth proving that no one reading the red flags of the situation#i thought yall were exagerating but no. no. everyones convinced moons super bad and cant be forgiven#and its??? i think sun more or less understands somethings wrong but like... in a different way wntirely#i feel bad for sun for hearing all that and just 'i dont believe that'necause yeH??? thats???#that SHOULD be having everyone going Well thats WEIRD and OFF.#while hilarious that earth and ruin agreeing with moons weirdness last episode#anyway wowewo im disappointed in everyone BUt Lunar and sun#and thats cause lunar didnt say much just stares atmonty 'u talked to old moon???'#yknow like HUH YEAH OF COURSE THAT DIDNT HELP MONTY#THE MAN WAS FRAGILE ENOUGH MENTALLY AND U MADE IT WORSE BY... literally going#'we'll just get rid of u and bring the old one back'LIKE THAT WASNT A CONCERN FOR NEW MOON#i dont a want a virus moon now i want this man to be literally just be handling#earth herself doesnt have an excuse for that old moon stuff-#anyway i hopw theres resolve because actually thats wild 'well we cant forgive him-'#MAYBE??? MAYBE ACTUALLY??? FORGIVE BECAUSE YALL?? JUST.?? okay anyway ik good im fine#just baffled by how earths response was really and like i think shes processing it all but likw Damn#New Moon i hope u stay buddy#sun and moon show spoilers
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🐮
#@ comment directed to me in a tag. i have not talked abt them anywhere publicly but if u were deep enough in the paint in 2020ish theyre#like not super surprising. i think i wanna get back around to the trolls in my reread (so itll b a while) before i say anthing solid#just so i can go in w intent to pay closer attention again but like#overall have a low opinion on most the troll boys insofar as i see that the narrative seems to also not care for them. they seem to exist#to serve narrative purposes & end up discarded when no longer relevant. ie they dont end up very interesting and thus i view#many fans with suspicion when they have 'boys disease' ie having an outsized focus on the boys of the story despite hs being by the end#an extremely female dominated text with a lot to say about masculinity as an opressive force#tavros and gamzee are the biggest bugbears here (only really beaten out in eyebrow raising by cronus and the male dancestors)#on account of fans of them often downplaying gamzee's misogyny that is core to his role as a charismatic cult leader (or worse#sending trans women death threats when they made the factual assesment that gamzee was written to be a weird misogynist calling it#character assassination etc. man 2020 was wild.) tavros mostly just ends up being an accessory to this crime tbh. though his genuinely#complicated relationship w vriska oft being flattened to villify vriska + an inability to actually read what tavros Says...#like. if you get rid of tavros' quirk. stammering and all. and read his lines. he's kind of fucking rude? and yeah its alternia they all ar#but i have my hesitancies wrt how people seem to infantilise him (a disabled character) to the point of ignoring his dialogue and flaws#when one of tavros' core conceits (u can argue if this is . like. something hussie should have stayed out of. like its not their lane) is#that shitty ppl online will be assholes but will be allowed to get away with it due to unrelated disability. which like. it was 2010 ig#but this is hit upon again with mituna being distinctly a 4 channer with real brain damage and speech issues & all his friends letting him#get away with shit he still clearly has the cognitive capacity to know is wrong. its very messily handled but. i dont rlly like tavros ig.#will b amazed if tumblr doesnt eat these tags i went on wayy too long. but im not putting this in plaintext for obvi reasons#lucabytereads
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false and ren bullshitting up lore about how his plants mutated and they're setting things on fire and she's the river lady developing a cure with her water........ is this. is this a superhero enemies AU- [INTERRUPTED BY SOUND OF RAID NOTIFICATION]
No seriously. False using her briefcase as a weapon bc she traps rivers in it. Ren being infected by the spores and his flowers growing out of control.... and in the end it's revealed False is also infected by the spores 😳 and she keeps the spores because she killed / defeated Ren and wants to keep a piece of him because they are crazy
#if desertduo can get five million superhero aus i can do the same 🔥 variety 🔥#now how do i make this interesting#vigilante false being commissioned to get rid of spore ren living in his uncanny valley#but ren is like omggg river lady hiiiii my bestie is here to kill me :D <3 <3#it gets dramatic and angsty and she starts trying to find a cure for him but time is running out#'what if we dont need a cure. lets be infected. together ❤️'#i feel like ppl who dont watch them really need to know they can v sweet but also quickfire unhinged silly weirdos#their conversations float above me like a toy train on a rollercoaster in outer space#ria.txt#falseren
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hello dearest dayurno
what r your thoughts on cass (andrew's foster mom)? & would you ever consider writing about her in a fic?
i think i have in my first aftg fic! honestly i like the cass plot point i think it’s so Interesting and such a complex situation that adds a lot to andrew’s character and only reinforces how much he cares for aaron. andrew was fine suffering under drake if he got to keep cass but he drew the line at drake asking about aaron, he made the conscious choice to leave perhaps the only person up to that point who cared about him because it would put aaron in the same situation drake has put him in. it’s just very heartbreaking to me honestly 🥹 i think a lot about the letter she sends andrew years down the line and how andrew doesn’t read it, how her ignorance whether unintentional or willful has put so many children in danger and yet when aaron’s trial happened she was still there for her son even when she didn’t have to be. it hurts my heart though i can’t think of how much andrew loved her without feeling the need to eat straight up glass
& yes i would probably write about it again, but i have a soft heart and writing about andrew usually opens a door in me better left closed so i have to really dose out the andrew writing or else i get stoned alive by a thousand skulls. sucks that it has to happen but that is the way of things
#andrew you loved her so much 🥹#Ignorance rlly always kills me in media like it could have been so different#but if you dont know then you just dont expect it. its a human flaw that is often fatal but ultimately impossible to get rid of#i dont know how Ignorant cass was really but i just. you know. ohh it breaks my hesrt#andrews mommy issues always hurt me seriously even with betsy its like ahhh ok. killing mysf#asks#andrew
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Spy x Family is such a Concept of an animanga. Like here is a fairly good representation of what war does to both sides, taking a neutral ground as it unfurls of the horrors it brings to ordinary people, showing that no matter how justified one side is, it does not erase the horrendous things they have to do......but instead of focusing on that, it focuses primarily on the shenanigans of one family living their best fake relationship AU.
Like, in a way, that's the best way to show how hope and light still exist amongst all the war crimes and devastation (focus on life than death without diminishing the latter). Something about focusing on the ordinary or people hurt and harmed by the war even as they're working against it. Or something
#i dont know what to say#im trying for new years to get rid of my drafts so ill just post this#spy x family#sxf#note's notes#fandom spamdom#im glad i drafted it because i can now add a disclaimer that im not sure how well i analysed the show XD#but it really is just nice to see in essence soldiers playing the mundane WHILE fighting for their country
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it makes me so ridiculously happy whenever ryan refers to shane as his best friend. they don't even have to say it, that man IS his best friend but hearing the words come out of his mouth is everything. but sometimes i feel like it's not mutual? like, ryan's been shouting how shane's his best friend to the world, even made him his groomsman (was he the best man?) but why do i lowkey feel as if shane doesn't reciprocate that? obviously shane's been saying how he's his friend and has defended ryan time and time again, but is shane ryan's best friend but ryan isn't shane's best friend? or maybe compared to ryan, shane really is just privy with his personal life? (also ryan isn't even one of shane's groomsman]
i don't wanna look deep into their relationship because they're real people but yaknow
shane was not ryan's best man but the fact that ryan wasn't in his wedding should nottt stick out to you as support for shane not reciprocating ryan's feelings or whatever. ryan had ten people up with him at his wedding and shane had four. ryan's wedding was a lot bigger than shane's and there are so many other factors that go into choosing those people that ryan not being in it cannot possibly be a statement that he doesn't care about him the same.
you're definitely right at the end tho shane is more private with his personal life. and they are real people with a private friendship as well as their public one and we have no way of knowing what goes on there but i definitely Don't think theres any one-sidedness or uncertainty or unevenness about where they stand with each other.
#anon#💌#how did we get rid of the theyre not really friends demons and replace them with their friendship is one sided demons#also like how are you qualifying Best Friend. shane was the last person up at ryans wedding. hes the person ryans known the least#amount of time compared to everyone else there. they have friends theyve known longer and do different things with than each other.#probably not people they see more often but. people they choose to spend time with outside of each other. there are so many different ways#to think about best friends and i dont think it's fair to say one is ones best friend but not the other way around. i think they both know#how much they each love each other and how important they are to each other.#ive been adding and subtracting from this throughout my work day so if i missed anything idk i'll add it somehow prob but. rest.
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your steven interpretation is boring and fits into the fanon characterization of steven, i wish you would be a little more unique with how you write him :(((((((
i do Not feel like this is true bc fanon steven is like nothingburger sexy guy or yandere... esque?? or things like that that make him very shallow and one note . And not super depressed and mentally ill as he would be. literally like Fanon Steven is Not my steven and my steven is also very near and dear to my heart bc hes a comfort character who i had when i was going through a lot of shit! Like Actually! I think about him a lot! And a lot of the things i do w him are lifted from canon and the ways i interpret and analyze the og story. not a lot of the fanon or fandom stuff ... Does that. a lot of it is very divorced from stevens struggles and story and the fact its a tragedy in favor of shipping or whatever else. they do not give steven realistic struggles.
also bc i havent properly written steven in ages. idk if you read my headcanons or analysis'. Read Those if so. I dont actually write shit almost ever especially now i do not write him as a character bc i like to think about him and how hed do things, i dont like to Write him.
my keyboard is broken i am tired and depressed and dont really have many ideas for things to write with him bc i exhausted a lot of them. i still think about steven daily though, im mostly focused on my self indulgent shit i write because thats all all of this was. sharing my self indulgent shit with people who are fighting for Crumbs of steven.
i think ab him more than almost anybody else seems to in this fandom other than a few people i personally know ( shout out to like 3-4ish people ) and a few others i dont personally know. There are not many people i know who have the same headcanons and a lot that did i think took it from me? which is kinda funny. i dont own steven having bpd but i think its a thing i popularized more for example afaik. i see little bits of my headcanons rippling into other peoples and its fun
Also what the fuck do you mean 'boring' what do you want the depressed adult ass man to do when hes isolated. Sorry that he is not dancing for ur entertainment? Sorry that hes not a crazed serial murderer!!! when... he.. Wouldnt be he only really killed mike and nobody takes doors open as canon ever bc its stupid. I have no idea what you mean by boring. the fuck would an 'interesting' interpretation be. i am not interested in entirely redoing his concept as a character or his story nor am i fucking rewriting strangled red or am ever interested in it bc i think its fine on its own and whenever anyone tries its usually... Not good. Even ( and especially ) when smr did it LOL ( thankfully he never got to strangled red proper ).
i dont like a lot of people that do that unless it has a reason because i think the og story is perfectly fine untouched even if some parts could be elaborated on or explained better, but i dont think you have to shove super big changes to things like 'missingno is actually a conscious entity that talks to him!!! mike DID kill her' Like this detracts from a lot of the story and things that do that at least in my opinion make it.. more boring. its fine if people like that but its not for me. you dont need to make strangled red more dramatic and explain away everything. some of the vagueness is the fun of it.
i just wanted to share headcanons and my own projections that i think would fit him to the world bc nobody really thought about steven in the way i did.
i know a lot of people really love my steven interp and think hes unique so i think you just dislike it. Which can be a thing you can do i dont give a shit. I would also probably dislike whatever yours is! Im very picky with steven interpretations! ok not really people just dont genuinely write him as a full-fledged character very often. i am not making 'content' for people. im just sharing what i want to. if that doesnt appeal to you make your own shit! You probably wont find a lot of people writing whatever you want steven to be so you should do it for yourself bc thats how i got here.
if im taking this very personally or sound like it im mostly jsut really confused. and also bc i half-am but i dont care that much. Bc like. What do you want me to do...? Im not going to suddenly rewrite the entirety of my own personal interpretation of a character ive loved for almost 2 years straight now for someone else. i barely use this blog anymore! except when i want to post analysis or headcanons. its self-indulgent! but i still sure do think about steven deeply and intimately even if it for some reason feels like i dont. i think the autistic analyzation of the og writing should paint that im like serious about it.
anyways, there was not much of a reason to send this if youre so upset i dont write steven content the way you want ( and you probably would also have a lot of ideas i wouldnt agree with. ) Then send me 50 dollars NOW! [ if it wasnt obvious this is a joke. ]
#wispy chatters#If this person wasnt trying to be an asshole for the sake of it sorry but u really shouldve thought b4 u sent that.#i know im very critical of fanon and fandom and hate it so this is just funny to randomly get#like is this supposed to be a 'gotcha!' or do you just want me to write steven in a very specific way i probably wouldnt enjoy.#bc im not here for that and never was requests are just ideas and starting points. i still try to use the same personal interpretations#Like i dont think you know what fanon steven is if you think my steven is fanonized#esp bc like.#i hate 'fanon' steven but thats a catchall term for ppl who remove his actual struggles and character for shipping or whatever.#which is technically fine and would be ignorable if it wasnt 90% of the fandom doing it and if it wasnt hard to get actual steven stuff.#that thinks ab him as a wholeass character with struggles disconnected from everything else.#but. All creepypasta interps are inherently fanon thats how it goes with short horror stories.#i do try to stick as close as i can to canon while. getting rid of the shit thats stupid. But i try to be realistic ab it#But you cant really do 100% canon steven he barely talks or has a character just a kind of barely implied personality .#Like ... Some of them r popular ideas but bc ppl agree on it? Usually? i dont do this shit for anyone else other than me and some fans
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the knot is back
#whenever things go wrong#i get this really fucking tight knot in my chest#it makes it hard to breathe#and think and feel anything but intense anxiety#i dont know how to get rid of it#it feels like a boa constrictor im no where near strong enough to push off#three pigeons in a trench coat
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thinkbing about. him
#random thoughts#fnaf#rotating him in my mind like an orb or perhapps a microwavable tv dinner#love the idea of a character who for some reason has him in their house and does regular maintenance on him#someone who worked for fazbear fright and fucking. stole him#au where the place wasn't burned down and actually opened and some kid started working there and fucking took his ass#springtrap in my head is like. mostly an animal. running on instinct and ancient programming. only rarely lucid#the kid who took him oh my god. what if someone who was the sibling of one of the five missing kids stole him#and like. they know he's the man behind the slaughter and can remember him from when he was alive#and they take him and keep him running as like a form of torture. because fazbear fright was gonna be shut down and the animatronic#was gonna be destroyed or smth and they were like 'no you son of a bitch not yet'#and they can sometimes see the ghosts of the children and employees who died and henry. but like they're not done#they cant let go. not yet.#cant let him go to the beyond because that would be too merciful for a son of a bitch like him#but springtrap cant really understand whats happening and mostly just sees Some Guy keeping him running so most of his feelings#are positive#when he's semi lucid he tries to kill them#when he recognizes them from before he kind of shuts down#the range is 'friend!!!' to 'i am going to fucking murder you' to 'how did you do in pe today'#like this guy mostly isn't william afton. idk who he is but he isn't him most of the time#i imagine the springtrap suit is a unique model so its hard to get replacement parts for him so most of him is custom at this point#idk what they do with the bones. probably leave them alone for the most part out of fear of him passing on if they got rid of them#he smells like dirt and mildew and restroom deoderizer probably#i imagine their thoughts on him are 'i recognize this mostly isnt the man who killed my sibling so i dont want him to suffer'#'but also i cant handle the idea of even a little of the man who killed my sibling being able to stop suffering'#like this is william's idea of hell. complete depersonalization#they make his stay tolerable. decent maintenance. idk what kind of enrichment he needs#being kept in a basement away from regular social interaction is probably hell for any children's animatronic#so he loves when they come down for maintenance. probably rarely at first and then more frequently as they adjust themself to his presence#idk how he feels about maintenance. probably very used to the feeling of having a dude inside of him lmaooo
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got impatient and skipped past half of turnabout ablaze into aai2, and why does kay speak like a completely different character now
#you know how i was complaining about her being written to be more immature and less polite in the fan translation? it's like the official#localisation turned it up to 11. who is she.#it's not just her either i feel like edgeworth reads really different all of a sudden too. why'd they get rid of inspecting every suspiciou#-looking nook and cranny i liked her :( what's this scour the scene line#maybe it's just this case? like maybe kay's really excited to bump into them and that's why she's talking like that. and maybe they bring#back suspicious-looking nook and cranny later. i dont even like that line that much i just prefer it to this blander one#do i have to tag aai critical.. i dont mean to be critical i had no real expectations for it at all i was just excited to get it#but so far not really vibing with the character voices very well#it's probably just me? did anyone else notice a shift in their voices?
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