#i really do feel bad for being negative about it

[salemlunaa]

Be still and know that I AM God

you don’t have to “flip” shit

if you still believe that you have to flip every thought you have, as if you’re playing whack-a-mole, smashing each doubt you have back into the ground of your mind just for it to pop back up again, putting you through a loop, you STILL don’t know who you are. Because if you’ve ever played whack-a-mole that’s how it works, you smash the mole into the ground, and what does it do? it leaves for a bit, only to pop back up again and again, whereas if you would just let the damn mole out of the hole it would probably crawl away and never come back. Just like those thoughts you try so hard to suppress.

Now why do you feel the need to fight the “negative” thoughts? you do this because you still suffer from a case of mistaken identity. You do not truly believe that you are god, you still believe that you are human, and that the ego’s thoughts are your thoughts. You still believe that life, your thoughts and feelings are things happening TO you, when it actually happens FROM AND THROUGH you.

Now what does this have to do with negative thoughts? Well it means that they aren’t really your thoughts, those are the thoughts of the ego that lives in your old story. Let them pass. There’s no point in getting mad at your ego for thinking that, that would be like getting mad at a blind person for not seeing, just pointless, the only thing you must do is let it pass.

Let’s say you have a brand new car, a mercedes maybach for example, as you are about to get into your car, someone runs up to you and screams a list of things in your face: “YOU DONT HAVE THAT CAR, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO YOURSELF”

“WHAT IF YOU NEVER GET THE CAR”

“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU’LL GET THAT CAR BY TOMORROW”

all while the door to your mercedes maybach is open and you’re about to get in…🧍‍♀️

are you going to run into the middle of the parking lot, completely abandoning your mercedes, just to have a panic attack?? are you going to again, abandon your mercedes to run after that person and scream back “I HAVE MY CAR, I HAVE MY CAR, I HAVE MY CAR” looking equally as crazy?? OR are you just going to decide that theyre just a crazy person, get back into your car and drive home? So in other words, are you going to abandon being calm in the new story just to “stick it” to the negative thoughts?

This is all you have to do: “wow that was crazy seeing as i have all that i want and creation is finished, good thing those aren’t MY thoughts”

As soon as you see the need to fight “your” thoughts, you have identified with them and see it as a part of you that you must get rid of. Like an inner conflict as if it’s the hyde to your jekyll. Those thoughts don’t belong to you so don’t feel the need to correct them, let them pass knowing that you are god.

༄༄༄

I’ll give you another example, Two mothers: Kelsey and Jennifer, Kelsey has a well behaved daughter, Lisa and Jennifer has a badly behaved daughter, Rona. 9 times out of 10 if a mother like Kelsey is in the store with her well behaved daughter and sees Rona kicking at her mother and swearing, she’s not going to correct the child, because the child isn’t hers. She’s going to observe the child’s behaviour only to look at her well behaved daughter, thank whatever higher power that this bad ass kid isn’t hers and keep it pushing with her shopping. See those negative thoughts as the rebel child that you’re thankful isn’t yours. Observe and let it pass, all the while being grateful for the new story.

Although i’m not religious, the biblical god never swayed in the fact that he was god even when multiple people doubted him. That’s how you need to be, the ego will doubt, but that isn’t your problem because it isn’t you!!

If you had what you wanted you wouldn’t care about those thoughts, a negative pedestal is still a pedestal, need i remind you. As pure consciousness, you should also know that everything just IS, nothing is “negative” until you label it as such.

So you’re taking the time to: 1. label those thoughts as negative and 2. decide that they are SO worthy of your attention that you need to spiral/ “flip” them. That sounds quite exhausting?

Why do you care so much? Is it because you think those thoughts are blocking you from what’s yours? But i thought creation was finished, so why would that matter? why are you going back…again?

Its like in the movies when a person is bullied, they always get the advice “don’t dignify the bullies a response”

If you know who you are why are you letting thoughts, that don’t even belong to you, waste your time, who are you proving yourself to when it’s just you here?

IF IT DON’T APPLY, LET IT FLY

[creatingblackcharacters]

This is maybe not the right place for this, but here goes anyway.

I run a small roleplay community for ocs! It's really great, and for the most part, members tend towards being pretty inclusive and thoughtful. We've had a couple incidents resulting in bans, but ultimately things are usually ok.

...usually.

The thing is, in an online community, there's no way to tell someone's race unless they've stated it. We have a few members who have mentioned at some point or another that they're Black, but far, far more who are ambiguous via anonymity! (i said small. its a couple hundred, but most are inactive)

So: a few times I've run into the issue where someone's Black character or character design COULD have some stereotypical or negative implications regarding their race..... OR this could be a Black person innocently creating a character that happens to have some traits that, while technically fitting a stereotype, are also just traits they like to see in their characters!

So I guess what I'm looking for is advice on it how to handle this like, delicately - it feels inappropriate to just ask 'are you Black' in response to someone describing a character who could be an Angry Black Woman or could be a Black woman who is angry (as a light example), especially as I myself am white! While I feel it'd be totally ok for me to call out other white folks, I'd feel REAL bad if I tried to say something about racism and then get told that the person I'm talking to is, well, Black.

No worries if this isn't the place for it, but I'm ready to listen if it is!

Sorry for the wait; I wanted to ask my partner in crime his opinion, but he's been bedridden for a few days. He is alive now, so I'll hand it to him:

☕Hot Chocolate: Hello! So first and foremost I think you're doing great with handling issues as they arrive. As you stated, it's very difficult to monitor and catch race baiters online because they never have to reveal themselves. The best you can do is ask them privately, and if something comes up later, you did your due diligence, ban them. In my experience (which is mostly outside of fandom spaces) when you ask a Black person if they're Black, they usually just say yeah? It's those who get overly offended that are the questionable ones, imo.

Ice: I will add this in addition; if you plan on approaching someone about racism you DAMN sure better know what you're talking about. Be sure that this thing you're discussing is potentially an issue. Tbh, you can solve that problem by getting a Black mod. Having leadership that is aware of something that you might not be would make those conversations smoother to have. You'd just need to make sure you're protecting that Mod from the inevitable disrespect they will receive from participants who think they don't have to respect the Black mod or treat their word as equivalent.

[aernx]

IT'S A WRAP ! ⌗ 이희승 ( oneshot ver. )

synopsis ⟢ wrapping is easy when it comes to dumplings. but when it comes to your feelings…not so much. after getting separated from your childhood nemesis, lee heeseung, you think your life will go smooth like butter (js like what BTS sang). but fate has other plans when he was forced to help around in your family’s dumpling restaurant.

◌ wordcount﹒ 13.1k

◌ pairing﹒ lee heeseung x fmr

◌ genre﹒ childhood enemies to lovers, hs au, takes place in their summer break, reader is taehyun’s (txt) older sister, tbh no srs hating js silly rivalry, crack , heeyn parents r silly

◌ featuring﹒ txt, chaewon lsrfm, enhypen, brief mentions of seventeen (ily joshua n hoshi)

◌ warnings﹒ profanities, harsh language, jealousy, heeyn hating eo, kissing, fluff, heeyn silly stuffs, denial, i think that's it, oh probably bad and inconsistent grammar at times, miscommunication (that shiii)

aerinotes ⟢ u guys don't know how much i giggled at the screen when i write this 😁 THIS FIC MEANS SOOO MUCH TO MEE I HOPE U GUYS GIVE IT SOME LOVE 💗💗💗 also MY FIRST EVER LONG FIC??? aerin long fic debut!!! so im sorry if there r lots of mistakes n it's kinda messyy n if the pacing is badd !! i'll improve next time guys TRUST‼️‼️

this was previously a smau but now the smau is discontinued. i can finally say goodbye peacefully to my heeyn 🙁 i’ll miss them <3 hope you guys enjoyed this! be sure to leave a like, comment n reblog to let me know watchu think abt it !! ENJOYYYY

"MOM YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT!?" It’s only been a week since you returned from your exchange student program in Japan yet your mom was quick to throw you a bucket of ice water on a hot summer evening.

“Which part of it is not clear, dear? Heeseung is going to start working in our dumpling shop this in this last month of summer and I want you to be his mentor tomorrow.” Excuse me what? Mentor?? “You know, teach him how to use the register, how to serve the customers, and later how to wrap the dumplings.”

No way there was no chance in hell that you were going to do this. Become Heeseung’s mentor? Hell no! You would rather give Taehyun your first born privileges.

Okay, maybe reasoning with her would opt her to change her decision. “Yes, I heard you for the first time but I can’t really place the reason why you want me to do this, mom. You know that we don’t…get along that well.”

Don’t get along that well? You scoffed internally at your choice of words, it was clearly an understatement, your mother knew that too.

You and Heeseung never got along. At all. Your mother and his mother were the best of friends so ultimately that means that he was there for good and you could not escape him. At first, mini-you was glad at the thought of having a childhood friend. Maybe you two could replicate the friendship of your mothers.

Yet at the age of five, where the two of you met for the first time and he stole your toy and decided to hide it from you, you knew from that moment that you would never get along. That first impression only triggered the competitiveness in you and it became a never ending game of chase. Of course, your mothers showed disappointment with the fact that their children did not enjoy each other’s presence, hoping that as they grow up, you and him would learn to overcome this little feud of yours.

Oh how they were wrong. Along the years that follow, your hatred towards each other only grew. Even though you both hated each other, he was still a big part of your childhood. And him being your neighbour didn't even help. You were so fucking bored of that face of his.

Eventually everyone got used to this relationship you shared with the boy and both parents didn’t try to do anything about it anymore. After all there was no point.

Although your feelings towards Heeseung were more on the negative side, you adored his parents, and your parents adored him too. Your families were close but you two weren’t. When you were younger, you would make it your life mission to get Heeseung to cry and he made it his to make you irritated. But as you both grew into adolescence your behaviour began shifting.

Now, instead of sitting by your side to provoke you, he would sit the farthest from you at the dinner table and you would do your best to ignore him at every family event. This never changed, even when you got into highschool. Both of you would try your hardest to let the other’s presence turn to ghosts, yet the tension around you remains haunting.

“Come on Yn, I know you don’t have the best relationship with Heeseung, as you guys are always fighting like cats and dogs,” Your mother muttered the last part quietly. “But I trust you with him, dear. Even though you both hate each other, you’re the one that knows him best there and I feel like he’ll focus more under your gaze instead of anyone else.”

Gosh why was your mother so persistent? “Mom, have you met us?” You can hear your mother’s snicker. “Then you should know that he won’t listen to me! There’s a reason why we don’t get along, mom. He’s gonna cause so much ruckus if I become his mentor. I find no problem with asking Taehyun to guide him instead.”

Your mother knew that you didn’t want to go forward with this. But it was really a last resort of sorts. And a little part of her wished that maybe this occasion would end your feud with him because she and Mrs. Lee always wanted their kids to get along well, just like them.

“Initially, I thought about that too. But Taehyun already has a lot of plans for tomorrow and you just went home like a week ago so you have lots of free time before your senior year starts.” She pointed out.

“Who knows maybe Heeseung changed these past six months without you. Maybe he even misses fighting with you everyday.” Chuckling, your mother gave you a knowing look as your face scrunched at the thought of that.

Hah! He? Missed you? There was no way. Heeseung was probably glad you were gone for six months. In fact he probably wished you were gone forever.

“Come on, my Yn. We’ll go shopping together with Aunty Lee and I’ll get you those concert tickets for that group you like so much. I’ll buy 4 for Chaewon, Yeonjun, and Soobin too. So you guys can watch it together.”

Your eyes lit up as her offer ringed your eardrums. One day of mentoring Heeseung for shopping sprees with your mom and Aunty Lee PLUS concert tickets for you and your friends?? Sounds like a fair deal.

“Ah…you know me so well, mother. You know I will never decline those.”

“You know it, darling.”

*

“You want me to-what?!” Disbelief, Heeseung stood from the couch and turned towards his mother who was currently sitting cross legged on her armchair.

“What did you expect?! I told you to stop sneaking around all the time and this is final! You are working in MANDU4U, Yn’s family dumpling shop tomorrow.”

Spending his summer break working? Are you fucking kidding?

“Bu-”

Mrs. Lee stood up from her chair, levelling her gaze with her son. “No buts! I already talked to your Aunty Kang and all you have to do is show your ass over there and work.” From the tone of her voice, Heeseung knew that he messed up. It was bad, like REAL bad. Maybe he should’ve listened to his friend's advice to NOT sneak out.

Mrs. Lee shrugged before continuing. “Think of this as a new experience. You’ll be learning new things and you’ll be earning money. I see nothing wrong with this. You don’t have any right to complain, young man.”

As much as Heeseung dreaded it, he knew no point in resisting. He was at fault and if it was in other circumstances he would stand his ground but he knew better. Oh well, at least she didn’t forbid him to hang with his boys.

And besides it’s not as if he’s going to meet her. He’s aware of the fact that she went back from that program a week ago. Of course he was, his family insisted that they also accompanied picking up Yn from the airport.

Did he come along? Yes. Did he have the option not to? Also yes. Did he know why he came along? Not really. Maybe he missed her and their fights just a little bit. Or maybe not. That question remained ominous as he himself didn’t even know the correct answer.

But was he glad with the fact that she was gone for the past six months? Of course he was! Well it was a bit more quiet than usual but hey! Quiet is good right? Yeah of course. Now that she’s back does he still hate her guts? For sure, yeah definitely.

“Also Yn will be your mentor and I want you to be on your BEST behaviour and do whatever she says.” Mrs.Lee abruptly added before striding out of the room trying her best to contain her smile.

“Mom WHAT?!”

*

You idly stood on the gazebo of your family’s shop, glancing back and forth towards your watch as the digital digits morphs into what seemed to be eight past twenty. Heeseung was supposed to be here at eight sharp but here you were, still waiting for his stupid ass to come.

It was only five minutes after that, the sight of Lee Heeseung appeared in your line of view. Fucking finally. “Heeseung, you’re late.” You aligned your body opposing his, blocking the entry of the door with your figure as he tried to brush himself through.

“Tch, it’s whatever. Let’s just get started.” His hand longed for the handles but you were quick to stop him. “Drop that attitude, Heeseung. I don’t want this as much as you do so you better not make this any harder on me.” Your grip on his hand opted him to fix his gaze with yours.

You tighten your grip on his wrist. Not caring whether it hurted him or not–which it probably didn’t. “Use that tone on me one more time and you’ll be scrubbing the bathroom floors instead of working behind the cash register.”

Heeseung clenched his fists in between your grasp on his wrist, a low attempt of wanting to break free. “You’re not my mother, you can’t tell me what to do.” He gritted as an annoyed expression washed over his features.

“You’re right, Seungie. I’m not. I’m your employer. And you-” Your point finger shoved his chest “-have to do exactly what I say."

*

Lee Heeseung hated it–hated this. That helpless feeling of not being in control. Especially when his arch enemy is the one stringing him like a puppet.

Kang Yn loved it–loved this. How couldn’t you when your arch nemesis had to grovel in submission for the sake of punishment from his mother. It’s fun really. It's like having a maid–you mean– personal assistant of your own.

“No Heeseung, that's not the right way!”

“Be more thorough when checking someone’s order!”

“Gosh this is tiring. Heeseung, get me a coffee.”

*

Ignoring some mistakes made, the first day of work went surprisingly fine. You taught him various things. Starting from how to work the register and basic manners to serve customers and he was actually going along with what you instructed. Gee, maybe your mom was right all along–you could be really intimidating sometimes.

“This is it for today.” You said, handing him a pen to sign his attendance. “Okay, Thanks.” He calmly received it before signing under his name. Along the string hours of work between you and Heeseung, the atmosphere remained tense. But much to your surprise (and a certain part-timer named Sunoo who went to your school) the both of you endured the entire shift without biting each other’s head off.

Sure there were some occasional fights here and there but the graph always dies down after, returning to its normal wavelength as the days progress. And you were quite happy with the outcome.

One; you did not let the intrusive thoughts win and slice his throat when he was on his break and two; you did not embarrass yourself in front of the customers by screaming frantically at him (although you did do it in private) You could say that this day was a success and you were proud of yourself. Ah you were finally free from him.

Or so you thought.

*

“So you’re telling me your mom told you that you’ll be mentoring Heeseung for the rest of the summer break?” Soobin questioned, making you groan against your pillows. You raised your head towards the window still, the sight of the moon greeted you in an instance, gracing your room with its incandescent glow.

"She made sure to leave that part the first time she mentioned, alright." You grumbled under your breath.

Chaewon patted your head as she noticed your current distress while Yeonjun and Soobin looked at you with sympathy laced upon their irises. It was currently near twilight in the nearing end of summer. From a distance, you can hear a few neighbours that stood up late making BBQ in their backyards, while some of the houses remained still and quiet.

The light on your window was like a singular lamp amidst a dark room to your unlit neighbourhood. It was summer break so your parents didn’t mind you staying up late. They even let your friends stay over with the exception of Soobin and Yeonjun sleeping on a spare mattress on the floor.

“Yn, I knew it was too suspicious that your mom was offering you THAT much just for one day of mentoring!” Yeonjun pointed out from his mattress below before joining everyone on your bed.

“At least you’re getting money out of this, am I right?” Chaewon said after smacking the poor boy with her elbows, triggering a laugh from Soobin as he saw Yeonjun’s current state.

“-Ouch! Gosh Chae that hurt!” He threw her a nasty glare and Chaewon stuck her tongue out in response. “Plus the fact that Mama Kang AND Mama Lee promised to take you shopping makes it too good to be true to just make that a one time thing.” Yeonjun shrugged before dodging another hit from Chaewon.

“Ugh I hate it when you’re smart sometimes, Junnie.”

“Don’t forget the fact that your mom promised to buy us all concert tickets!” Soobin reminded. “Work your ass off Ms.Kang. We would be thanking you for your services!” He stood from the bed, bowing 90 degrees to you causing the room to erupt in laughter.

“You all better be thanking me for this! I don’t know how I'm going to handle him for the rest of the summer! He’s literally my neighbour! I see him everyday. I can even see him across my window!” Once more, you buried your head on the pillows, gaze unconsciously averting to the blinds covering the glass panels.

“But you hadn’t seen him nor contacted him for six months right? Surely he changed.” Chaewon pondered earning a scoff from you. “Girl let me tell you, he did not.” You answered, emphasising the “not”.

Yeonjun laughed at your misery, opting you to throw a pillow at his face. The room had gone through its nth time of laughing fit before you all started to calm down.

As the room went down from its climax, Soobin’s question seemed to pique everyone's interest. “By the way if it’s okay to ask, how did you and heeseung hate each other like this? I mean the two of you never got along. Everyone knows that but like you both definitely seem more intense now like ever since you got offered to join the exchange student program.”

You sighed before answering. “Well it’s a long story but-”

*

“-I was supposed to get the offer to join the exchange student program.” Just a few meters from where you and your friend gathered, Heeseung and his friends were doing the exact same thing you were doing.

They all gathered on his mattress, sharing stories as the moon reaches its peak of serenity. “Ohh i get it, so from your point of view, it seemed as if she “stole” your future.” Jay nodded at his friend as the room was filled with collected hums and a few shocked faces.

“No lie I would’ve hated them too if someone did that to me.” Jake added, agreeing to his friend’s current situation."

Heeseung only shrugged and buried himself in the comfort of his pillows. “So what are you gonna do now, hyung?” The youngest of them questioned. “I don’t know. I mean there’s no point in defying my mom when she’s persistent. So I guess I’ll just go with it.”

“Do you still hate Yn because of it now? I mean it’s been six months.” Jungwon tilted his head, curious. “I…I don’t know. We’ve never gotten along since we were five so I don’t think our relationship changed a lot.” Heeseung raised himself from his pillows, now sitting upright.

“But it's not entirely her fault, is it? If you had been a better option for the program you would still be chosen regardless.” Jay knocked some sense into his friend.

“I guess I just blamed her for being better.” A strain smile settled on his lips.

“But to be honest I don’t really care about it anymore, you know? If i really did get that exchange student program, I would've missed so many moments with you guys, including how Niki literally got a girlfriend?? Earlier than me??” Their hearts warmed to Heeseung’s statement before laughing at his last.

The night on both sides of the window ended after crescent smiles and glee surrounding the atmosphere as the sun began to rise causing them to go to a much needed slumber.

*

“Hey, Noona. Looks like you're in a good mood.” You entered the shop with a smile as you greeted the smiling Sunoo. “Yes because you're the first person I see here, and not that brat.” You whispered the last part.

“Quite the charmer you are, Yn.” A familiar voice rang your eardrums. Speak of the devil. “Right, I was praying you would forget this whole thing and just go sulk in your room all summer.” You grumbled, not bothering to avert your gaze to align with your nemesis behind you.

You feel his presence drawing closer and closer before halting just a few inches from your back. Sunoo is long gone now, opting to prepare some stuff in the storage room.

“And make you look good, whereas I look like the rebel child? Keep dreaming, Kang.” He whispered, voice dripping with mirth.

You scoffed rolled your eyes in response, moving forward towards the register, leaving Heeseung to fend for himself at that moment.

This is going to be a long day.

*

One week has passed and you are now used to seeing Heeseung lurk around the area. Now that he’s already familiar with the register and serving people you have to go to the next step: teach him how to make dumplings.

At first, you were against the idea. But your mom insisted that Mrs.Lee wanted Heeseung to be more adapt than any other employee. Hence why he needed to master more than one skill to manage. So, you gave in.

Heeseung was ready to start his new routine. Coming to the shop everyday (excluding Sundays and Saturdays) at 8am and start preparing the register and other things before opening at 9am. He’ll be honest, the first few days, he was dreading it. But eventually, being surrounded with the busy yet calming atmosphere of the shop feels so comfortable? Or maybe because he was spending his summer productively.

But yesterday, Yn had messaged him to arrive at the shop an hour earlier than usual. Seven am?! That’s basically dawn in Summer! Heeseung dragged his feet towards the welcoming door, the sun greeted him with a morning glow as he slowly entered his demise.

“Morning, sunshine. Are you awake?” Sitting in one of the chairs, you chuckled, amused at his hunched silhouette.

“You’re crazy for forcing me to work this early on. This is basically child labor!” He sat opposing you, hands folded above the table as he buried his head in between his arms.

“Well your mother consented to this. Get up.” Your request was left hanging as Heeseung replied an audible “no”, prompting you to leave the boy behind.

Droplets of water trickled to the back of his neck, stirring him awake before he-hold on why was he wet? His fingers touched the source of coldness, his head jolted up meeting your gaze. ”You’re fucking crazy!”

“Thanks, baby. Awake now?” The smirk on your lips is evident and Heeseung swore that he was going to rip your face off.

*

“What are we doing?” Instead of answering, you hand a slightly-damp Heeseung an apron and ushered him to wash his hands before starting. “Just go wash your hands first.” He rolled his eyes before complying to your demands.

After finishing with such tasks he returned to his position beforehand. “All clean now.” He dangled his palms to align with your vision. Now that the two of you are clean it's time to start this mission. Wrapping dumplings.

Heeseung eyes lingered on the swift movement of your fingers. Quick hands easily wrap the ball of meat between a thin layer of dough. He shifted his attention elsewhere for a second and when he returned, you were already done with the process. The perfectly wrapped mandu sat in the heart of your palms, sitting proudly before him.

“That doesn’t look hard, let me do it.” The boy shrugged, earning an amused scoff from you. He took the initiative to try it for himself, but before he could reach the layers of thin dough, he felt a slight sting lingering on his arm. “Gosh! What was that for?!”

“Do you ever pay attention? Lace your hands with some flour before taking the dough so it’s not sticky, bambi.”

Bambi? Did you just refer to him as a Disney cartoon animal?! Well sucks to be you at least he was a Disney character. Not some meaningless being.

“Crazy bitch.”

“What did you say?!”

“I said I got the hitch!” Was hitch even a word? Probably. Or not. Heeseung grudgingly dipped his fingers into the bowl of flour before spreading a light amount in his palms. He then took a thin layer of dough and a little ball of minced meat mixed with onions and other dumpling stuffings(?). He placed the ball in the center of the surface before…before…uhm what was the next step again?

His hands froze mid air for a second. Should he ask for help? Oh and get roasted for not paying attention again? No thanks, his ego was too big for that. Right he’ll figure this out. This is Lee Heeseung we’re talking about. Lee Heeseung vs dumpling, let’s see who’ll win this game.

The tall boy recalled your hand movements, trying hard to remember the steps you did. Right it was uhm….take the left corner, then the right, unite them to the center? Yeah that right. Next is…squish the edges! He’s too smart and talented for this. Heeseung 1, dumpling 0.

The satisfied smile he wore was so apparent. The tips of his finger lightly pressed onto the dough in an attempt to link them together. Except it was not sticking. He kept on applying pressure, more and more as the seconds tick. Once he thought that it would hold, he settled the…ill-shaped dumpling on the table. With his hands on his hips, he turned to face your observing stance. Not bad for his first try. Or so he thought.

Five seconds of victory was cut short when the dumpling slowly–but surely–unwrapped itself from the shape Heeseung molded it to. Heeseung 0, dumpling 1.

The guise of his face showed it all–his mouth hung open, eyes deadpanning the dumpling like it was his sworn enemy–it was so hard not to erupt in laughter. You covered your mouth to contain your glee. This was too funny.

Your oddly timed coughing shifted Heeseung’s gaze to yours. At first the look in his eyes reeks of annoyance but the sound of your echoing laugh was enough to leave a ghost of a smile on his face. You didn’t get angry, that was a first.

Heeseung was shocked to see how calm you were after witnessing his failure. (except for the laughing part) “I would be a hypocrite if I got angry at you.” You started. “The first time mom taught me how to wrap these, I would always rip the dough.”

“Oh.”

“Right.” You cleared your throat. “Let me repeat the steps again, slowly this time.”

The clueless boy watched your movements distinctly. He noticed how eased you were as you did the task at hand, focused yet you were doing it so effortlessly. He also noticed how you poke your tongue slightly when your fingers pinched the perfectly folded dumplings’ little details, and the little specks of flour that landed on the tip of your nose. There was something about you today that he couldn’t ignore.

Heeseung looked at your current expression, and suddenly you both were five again. You were sitting in his living room with a crayon tucked in between your fingers, your tongue slightly stuck out as you avert your attention to your drawing as your mothers chatter dissipates in the back.

Twelve years have passed yet you still look the same to him. The first girl that entered his life other than his mother, the first girl he fought with, and the first girl he ever loved. Not that he was ever going to admit that. But perhaps just for today, he would forget your fuse with him and pretend that everything is okay

“That’s how you make a perfect dumpling.” The curve of your lips was so warm and inviting and he felt a suspiciously warm feeling slowly settling on his chest. Well that was new. Maybe because it was too early in the morning that’s why Heeseung felt so out of it today. “Ehem, okay. I should be able to do it now.”

*

“Mom, I’m back!” You enter the living room, goals set to lay comfortably down at the soft cushions of your couch. “In the kitchen, sweetie! Come Yn, Aunty Lee is here.”

The smell of homemade cooking dragged you to your mother. “Hi mom, hi Auntie Lee.” Eyes crinkled as you smiled widely at the two most important figures in your life.

“Hey, honey. Hope Hee hasn't given you a hard time.” Mrs. Lee softly smiled. “Do you really need to ask that to know, Auntie?” Your joke (not) prompts the two middle aged women to laugh. “Jokes aside, I guess he's tolerable when he shuts up.”

“Yn!”

“Kidding, mom!” Not really.

“Anyways, we owe you a shopping spree. Let's go this weekend. Your shift ends at noon right, darling? What do you say?” Your eyes lit up at the offer.

Who were you to refuse?

*

Smell of dumplings and busy chatters crowded the shop, sunlight beaming through glass tinted windows as customers took over the vacant seats available. “Here’s your freshly steamed mandu, Auntie Park.” Mrs. Park was a regular, don’t get me wrong, she was lovely, but she could be a little…nosy.

“You’ve gotten much more beautiful since coming home from Japan.” She smiled knowingly. “Tell me, have you found any Japanese boyfriend, dear?”

Your eyes widened–not expecting her direct question. “ I can assure you, auntie. No boyfriends here.” The curve of your mouth formed upwards. “Is that so?” She squinted her eyes in suspicion, eyes darting to follow Heeseung’s moving figure a few feet away. “I see that Ha-eun’s boy is here helping. Is that one your boyfriend?”

Heeseung? You boyfriend? You grimaced at the thought. You would rather eat a raw dumpling.

“Oh auntie, literally anyone but him. Besides, I’m too busy studying and helping with the shop while dad is busy planning on opening other branches.” You chuckled, denying her assumption.

“What a perfect daughter you are! I bet Ha-yoon and Ji-woo are proud to have you as their daughter.” You were about to leave before hearing her continue. “You know, I have a son your age. You should know him, he goes to Decelis too. Park Jeongsong, are you familiar? Maybe I should set you guys up.”

She lifted her point finger to her chin. “I think you guys are compatible, he's mature….”

Park Jeongsong. Of course you were familiar. He’s one of Heeseung’s close friends and the only one that you tolerate. To be honest you were quite tempted at her offer. Jay’s got it all. Perfect looks, ridiculously sharp jawline, and most importantly manners (one that Heeseung lacked for sure). You scoffed mentally at the thought. But unfortunately, you were not looking for anyone to date for the time being.

“I’m sure he’s great, auntie. I’m just focusing on myself right now.” You politely turned her down. “Enjoy your dumplings, please tell me if you need any assistance.”

“Yes, thank you dear. I hope I wasn’t being too nosy. I’m still working on that.”

“Don’t worry about it, auntie.”

*

Mrs. Lee and your mother promised to pick you up right after your shift ends. It’s been two weeks since Heeseung’s arrival and you notice that he’s becoming accustomed to the work before him. Given so, this was your first time leaving him alone in the shop. Even though there were other workers, you still hadn’t completely trusted the boy.

“Double check the orders, got it.”

“-And shut the blinds when closing.” He repeated after you.

“Honestly, why are you so anxious? I’m not going to bomb this place when you leave, Yn.” Heeseung crossed his arms. “Don’t trust me enough, flower?” His glint is mischievous, teasing apparent in his tone.

“First of all, don’t call me that.” You shudder at the nickname. “Second of all, no I don’t trust you. What if this place turns to ashes when I return.”

“Okay, flower.” He was playing with you, you knew that. “I’m not even in charge of the kitchens, I promise I won’t blow this place down.”

“Hmm, okay.” Your pupils shifted left and right–as if you were looking for someone. “Sunoo, watch over him for me when I’m gone.” You untie your apron from the nape of your neck before nearing the exit earning a nod from the young boy.

*

The shopping spree was fruitful, they really went all out on this one. Insisting on buying you dresses, cute tops, pants, shoes, as well as a few accessories. You were grateful–of course–but you would be lying if you said it wasn’t tiring. Though as tiring as it can be, you were having fun.

You entered your house with shopping bags occupying your upper limbs, the weight heavy on your arms. Your mother had a few of her own too and you wonder how she was carrying them with grace. You both dropped the bags on the floor before entering the empty living room. “Huh, I guess Tae and your father have gone to sleep.”

To be honest, any sane person would. It was almost twilight. The three of you found a night market on your way back, compelled by the mannequins and price tags, the two women dragged you out of the car to have a look around.

“So, Yn, now that we’re alone.” Your mother settled on the couch. “Tell me-”

*

“-how’s everything going on in the shop?” Lee Hae-in met her son still sitting in the lounge room upon her return, his eyes glued to the show on tv. But now, the dark screen reflected two figures sitting on the cushions, a mother with the son she grounded.

“It’s not that bad, I guess.” Heeseung started. “At first it was-”

*

“-dreadful. I hated mentoring him. He did everything wrong and would make annoying expressions everytime I corrected him. I felt like I wanted to pull his hair out!” Your hands went up to your head in frustration triggering a laugh from your mom.

“Is that so? Now that we’re basically halfway there,-

*

“-How do you think about her now? About all this, I mean.” The Lee woman questioned, ears perked as she listened contently to her son before her. “Uhm, I guess we’re getting along more? I mean we don’t fight that often anymore. A few insults are thrown now and then but that’s just how we always are at each other.”

“That’s good to hear.” A satisfied smile graced the older Lee. “How about the shop? Are you doing your tasks well, dear?”

“Yeah, I think I’m getting the hang of it now.”

The two older women were happy at their children’s answers. Just two more weeks or so and maybe just maybe this will mark the end of awkward dinners and uneasy tension.

“Heeseung, honey, I know you were upset with Yn after she won the exchange program instead of you. However, you’re almost an adult now. I think this is bothering her as well, why don’t you two take some time to talk about it?”

Heeseung pondered before answering his mother. Even though the tension has resided between you two for the time being, it was mostly due to professionalism to maintain poise in front of other employees and customers. If he wanted this to remain forever (or at least longer than the summer break) he would have to clear the air.

“I’ll think about it, mom.”

*

“Heeseug, I told you to be gentle with that!”

“Yn, I’m doing it exactly like what you told me!”

Shuffling noise and exclamation marks were the first thing Taehyun heard as he entered the shop at the break of dawn. “Gosh it's six am, they better not be fucking.” He grumbled under his breath before going into the kitchen.

“What are you guys doing?” Body leaned at the doorway, Kang Taehyun watched his hyung and noona–who claimed they hated each other–wrapping dumplings (more like wrapping each other) in a very close proximity.

Ha! Two weeks in, and they’re already getting closer. He was right. Now mom and Auntie Lee owe him so much cash for this.

You were quick to add some space in between you. The blood rushed to your face resulting to a pinkish hue. “We’re just preparing the mandus for today.”

“Riight. I’ll be at the register if you need me. Which you probably won’t.” He turned his back from the seniors behind him, the smirk on his face widened as he imagined how much money he’ll receive upon winning the bet with his mom and Heeseung’s.

flashback (few weeks ago)

Rays of sunlight occupied each corner of the living room as the songbird sang its morning praises. It was a perfect day to relax. Lee Hae-in and Kang Ha-yoon sat amidst thick cushions as they waited for their steamed milk buns to cook.

“You know, that was cheeky of you when you suggested this summer activity for Heeseung.” Ha-yoon started earning a light giggle from her dearest friend. “I have the biggest opportunity laid bare in front of me! I couldn't resist even if I could help it.”

“How long will it take for them to warm up to each other?”

“Two weeks.”

A familiar voice urged them to snap their heads in its direction, only to find the youngest Kang standing with his hand crossed over his chest.

“How are you so sure, Taehyunnie?” His mother questioned. The Lee woman also looked reluctant. “They've been hating each other for years, Tae. I don't think they will get along in two weeks.”

“Are you willing to bet on it, Auntie Lee, Mom?” His challenging tone was inviting. Who were they to deny a bet? Without a second doubt, the two women nodded their heads and smirked. “You're so on.”

*

With a final click!, the shop was officially closed for the day. Heeseung handed the key to you before taking something from his bag. “Yn, hold on.” His hand is placed on your shoulder, urging you to turn towards his direction.

“Hm? What’s wrong? You tilted your head, confusion written all over your face. The boy released the light grip he had on you before lifting up his free hand and unfolding his wrapped fingers.

A gasp escaped your lips at the item he held before you. There it was, a small lego figurine sitting on the center of his palm. And it was not just any figurine, but it was your favorite back when you were five. Your eyes wander into his own, the small smile adorning his face along with the swirl of emotion pooling in his vision.

You remember the day you lost it. How the world seemed to crumple beneath your feet as you lost–no–Heeseung stole the main character of your ultimate favourite lego friends set.

“Missed her?” He nudged the figurine towards you, a sign for you to take it and you did just so. “So you did steal her, huh. You denied it so much back then, I still remember.” You bite your lip in effort to suppress the curve that was slowly creeping in, but seemingly failed as you examined the small toy in your hands.

The plastic was old and details were worn out due to aging but aside from that, all the parts remained intact and well kept. Heeseung did not break it nor ruined it like you thought he would. Instead he took great care of it. Why?

“I recall, it was the first time we met. We were at my housewarming party and I really wanted you to play with me and Tae, but you didn’t.” The raven haired boy reminisced, the smile still etched on his face. “You kept playing with this lego set without any bother in the world. I really wanted to play with you but all you do is ignore me.”

“So you stole the figurine to get my attention?” You raised your left eyebrow, an attempt to guess where he was going. A small chuckle rang through your ears. “Well, it worked I guess but not in the way that I hoped. After that I just–I don’t know–kept annoying you because that’s the only way you’ll ever pay attention.”

His words settled heavily on your heart. All this time, your feud growing up was just a matter of attention. Guilt crawled from the depths, slowly leaking through your eyes. Heeseung was quick to notice. “Yn, that was so long ago, no need to be guilty.” His hands went back to your shoulders. Somehow, the warmth radiating from him felt nice–comforting.

“We could’ve been those childhood friends.” You whispered, rewriting memories inside your head. Echoing a “what if” scenario if you got along from the beginning.

“We could be now, if you want.” Dozens of stars are reflected in the dark pupils of Heeseung’s doe eyes and you can’t bring yourself to look away, not even if you tried. Your gaze shifted to his lingering hand on your scapula before urging closer in his embrace. Arms wrapped itself around his body, your movement slow and careful, giving him space to walk away. But he didn’t. He enveloped you further into himself. Your face is pressed against his chest, eyes closed. No words are spoken but the gesture speaks volumes.

“I’m sorry, Yn.” Heeseung broke the silence between you. “For everything I did to you since we were five.” He whispered, fingers trailing the strands of your hair. “And more importantly, for taking out my anger on you when you got accepted to the exchange program instead of me.”

“I’m sorry too.” You replied, head turning up to meet his waiting gaze. “I joined the program to spite you. Didn’t think I would get it, but I somehow did and made everything worse.” You unwrap each other from the embrace, solemn looks embroidered on your faces. A gulf of harsh wind swept through you, your body shivered slightly at the impact, instantly missing the warmth from the previous action.

“You deserve it, Yn. I was jealous, I could admit that now. If I had been the better choice, I would still be chosen regardless.”

“Oh, Heeseung.” Your frown is evident, denting your features and the boy before you feels the urge to wipe it off so badly as if it had no right to tarnish your perfect face.

“It's all in the past now, flower. We're good now, right?” Heeseung smiled and after, you feel a hand slip itself into your own, relinquishing the comfort from the hug. You looked at your entwined hands before offering a small nod.

“It’s getting late. Let's walk home together, yeah?”

*

A week has gone by in a blur of routine. Summer break is ending and no amount of complaints is going to stop the time from running. Heeseung now stands right in front of your door, heart palpitating and hands sweaty. It's been 5 minutes now and he's still contemplating whether he should knock on your door or just leave at this point.

After that night, your relationship with him began to shift. As you arrive at your designated homes, you two meet again across the windows of your rooms. Exchanging waves and passing short notes through the glass barrier before bidding good night. It was like straight out of a Taylor Swift music video.

Heeseung caught a smile corrupting his features before closing his mouth in shock. Did he just smile at the memory of you?? What. The. Fuck. He shook his head abruptly from side to side, almost as if he had a goal to remove something from his mind.

Just as he was doing so, the door suddenly swung open. “Heeseung?” A voice called out, confusion lacing her tone. “Auntie Kang, Hi!” The boy offered a flashy smile, almost blinding the middle aged woman. “What are you doing here, Hee?” The woman smiled at the sight of him and raised her eyebrow in amusement at his…enthusiasm?

Heeseung was happy in the early morning. This was a first.

“Are you okay? Why do you seem so happy? Too happy maybe.” Her eyes squinted in suspicion. “Whaaat? Nothing, Auntie! Just excited because dad said I could use his motorcycle today.”

Your mother hummed in understanding. Muttering how kids these days are so funny before asking the bambi-eyed boy, “What are you doing here thou-”

“Hee, you're here!” An excited voice called out, prompting the two figures on the doorway to look your way.

So this is what it's about. Mrs.Kang bit her bottom lip to contain the smile from seeping through. Noting the interaction in her mind to tell Heeseung’s mother for their planned brunch in a few hours.

Your mother wasn't oblivious, something clearly changed between you too. Gone were the two kids that used to chase each other in the courtyard, sabotaging each other’s items for revenge. You’re all grown up now and Kang Hayoon almost felt a tear drop from her left eye.

Call her dramatic but hey, Heeseung is as much like her child as you are. Just like you are a daughter to the Lees. And these two children used to be muttering curse words why chasing each other.

Kang Hayoon felt a wave of surging proudness. While your father is busy taking care of building another branch for the restaurant, you offered to manage the current one for the summer so your mom could rest. Even with your position as Heeseung’s mentor, you still insist doing so with the excuse that Heeseung is already well adapted with everything now.

You reached the door, giving your mom a quick kiss on the cheek and a goodbye before leaving with the boy. “Bye mom, it’s almost eight. We’re going to the restaurant now!” You greeted her from the motorcycle seat. “Bye, Auntie! We’ll be careful, don't worry!” He smiled once more and with a final wave, the two sped away from the driveway leaving the smiling woman on her porch.

“Hae-in needs to hear about this.” Your mother giggled before calling Heeseung’s mom on dial and closing the door as she decided that she could not wait for brunch to tell her.

*

To say Sunoo was shocked was an understatement. He stood behind the register, preparing the cash for change as he was met with his boss (you) and the intern (heeseung) got out of a motorbike together. His eyes were like saucers and his jaw was wide open. He’s so used to seeing you both fight in the mornings that it felt so…weird seeing the two of you all smiley.

“Fuck, I owe Taehyun 5 bucks now.” He whispered lowly, silently cursing at the bet he lost. The boy smiled and greeted you as well as Heeseung before returning to his current task, not forgetting to make those classic Sunoo bewildered faces behind the register and away from your prying eyes.

Taehyun arrives later with some special premade dumplings made by your mother. Passing by Sunoo as he received the cash with a swift motion in triumph. You and Heeseung are both too easy. He thought, suppressing the singular curve forming on his lips.

*

The restaurant thrives under your management. You silently thank your dad for teaching you these skills since you were little. Heeseung is currently working as a waiter (because you think he is still wonky at wrapping dumplings), busy tending to curious aunties with his charm. After your little heart to heart, you start to see him in a different light. The way his smile deepens as he is asked about his interests, the politeness seeping through his crinkled eyes when he excused himself and moved closer to you-wait what??

“You think I wouldn't notice you staring, flower?” You grimaced at the decor beside you, finding any mistake palpable in your surroundings, and ignoring the way your stomach fluttered at the nickname he just called you. Heeseung chuckled at your antics, finding you adorable.

“Staring? Hah! You’re so full of yourself, Heeseung.” Your false laughter echoed through the restaurant, turning a few heads from other workers before you threw them a glare to go back to work. “That was Jay and Jake’s moms. They were wondering how I’m doing.” You scrunch your eyebrows at his explanation. “Okay? I didn’t ask what you were doing, Lee.”

“Back to last name basis? You wound me, baby.” The bambi-eyed boy placed his hand on his chest, feigning a hurt look on his face. You rolled your eyes at him (and that ridiculous petname) before shoving him lightly. “Go back to work, employee.”

“On it, boss.” He replied, not forgetting to throw a wink at you before opting back to work. Fuck, what was he doing to you?

*

You’re pacing back and forth across your room, hands on your hips, and hair all disheveled. Chaewon laid comfortable on your mattress, elbows supporting her upper body as she watched your distressed state with amusement. “Yn, you’re going crazy.”

Tonight was an overdue girls night, meaning Chae is over at your house for the weekend. This day also marks the second last week of summer. That means one more week ‘till you are back to textbooks and exams. You groaned at the thought (and at Chaewon) before inching towards the window. Your eyes subconsciously reached the house across yours, revealing your beloved neighbor–shirtless–his ridiculously sculpted figure standing there on the other side of his window for the whole world (you) to see as he held what looked like shirts on his left hand and his phone on the right pressed on his ear as if he was calling someone.

“Uhm Yn, you’re gawking.” Your best friend peered behind you. Her hands on your shoulders as she took a peek of the sight before you. You hurriedly closed the blinds in reflex. “Damn okay, you don’t want me looking at your man. I’ll be respectful.” A sheepish smile kissed Chaewon’s face before turning her back on you and jumping back into bed.

“Chae, something is wrong with me.” You fall face flat to your bed, right beside your girlfriend. “Everytime I see him, I feel this weird feeling in my chest–and no it’s not the urge to pull out his hair.” You murmured, flipping your body to align with the ceiling before continuing. “Which is really weird because I used to always feel that way.” You pointed out, index finger up to enhance your stance. “But now everytime I see his face I just want to-want to-”

“Kiss him?” Chaewon’s smirk is glowing in her features, fully dripping with mischief. You sat up at her reply before turning your head towards your best friend, your expression shaped in disbelief. “Chaewon, what the hell.” You grab your nearest plushie–one that you stole from Taehyun’s best friend, HeuningKai–before (affectionately) beating the brown-eyed girl with it.

The sound of laughter filled the room like oxygen. “Yn, you can hit me all you want but you can’t deny it.” The raven haired girl said between her fits of giggle. “After that little apology session, you just want to kiss him pretty.” The wiggle of Chae’s brows urged you to throw the plushie right at her face. Your friend groaned at the impact before recovering as if it was nothing.

Suddenly, everything comes crashing down like an airplane with a failing engine. You paused abruptly, a huge thought bubble forming above your head. Fuck did you like him? Like, like–like him?? No, you can’t. You can’t be catching feelings with the boy you just made amends with a week ago. The boy you swore to hate since you were toddlers.

Chaewon read the expression on your face like an openbook before opting to sit across from you. “Yn, for what’s worth, he’s a really nice person. And he’s practically already family.” Her hands made their way to your shoulders. The feeling is familiar but different. Chaewon’s arms are lighter and more poised in contrast to Heeseung’s warm touch. Your head darted to your covered window, curiosity pooling in your heart at what he was doing and what he would think of this–of you.

“Imagine telling your family that you and Heeseung are a thing.” Your best friend started. “Auntie Lee and Auntie Kang are going to start jumping in glee and start preparing for your wedding with an eight week honeymoon plan to the Bahamas.” You rolled your eyes at Chae’s daydream. Though deep down, your heart swelled at the thought, offering a silent prayer as hope for the future.

“Ever since that day, he’s been, I don’t know, different.” Distress is evident in your sigh, storms of doubt clouding your thoughts. “Maybe I’m getting attached to him, I’m not sure. Maybe I’m spending too much time with that guy.” You place two hands on Chaewon’s shoulders before shaking her. “Chae, baby, loml, cleanse me, like right now.” Chaewon nodded at the request like a diligent soldier before shaking you with much more intensity.

“All cleansed now?” She asked, before stopping the vast movement. Your head is spinning, figuratively and literally, and you raised both of your thumbs toward the raven haired girl. “Fuck, I like him. I like Lee Heeseung.” You confessed against a pillow you found beside you, banging your head at the soft cushion before muffling your exasperated scream as Chaewon sat behind and patted your back in reassurance.

What a way to start girls' night.

*

Heeseung thinks you’re acting weird. You’ve been avoiding him lately–more than usual. Was it because he’s not improving with his dumpling wrapping skills? Or was it because that stunt Jake convinced him to pull, ending with him shirtless before his opened window across your own as he pretended to call someone, looking all important, while it was Jake on the other end, fully assuring him that this plan is foolproof. That it will make you go all drooling on him and finally fall in love.

The bambi-eyed boy mentally cursed at Jake. His plan definitely made you think Heeseung was some weirdo. Fuck, he just ruined all his chances with you and it’s all because of that stupid Austrilian.

Heeseung came true to his feelings one random night in the middle of a night ride with you. You both just finished closing up the shop, bidding farewell to your other workers before logging off for the night.

The boy noticed your tired demeanor, immediately slipping your hand in his before leading you to his bike. “What's the hurry, Hee?” You giggled softly at his antics, the sound speeding his drumming heart ever so slightly.

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” He unclasped your joint hand, and the warmth soon returned as he fixed your helmet on your head before adjusting his own.

Heeseung drives at a medium pace. Not too slow to bore you but also not too fast to risk your lives. The bambi-eyed boy passed your houses, earning a curious look from you. You watch as you exit the suburbs to a little road near the highway. The view from above was breathtaking, city lights cover the vast land like pieces of your lego city collection. You gasped at the beauty ahead of you. The dark haired boy stopped at the hook of the road, taking off his helmet and yours as his steps started inching towards the railings of the empty road.

You follow closely behind, basking on the beauty of the night. The city is still lively–it always is. A contrast to the sleeping stars that hung on the horizon, blinking in haze as humans are left to wonder from below.

Your hand is placed beside his on the railing. Gentle wind kissed the tip of your nose with grace, prompting you to close your eyes to enjoy the serene moment. “This is nice.” You whispered, releasing all the stress harboring on your shoulders and Heeseung hummed in agreement, his head turning in your direction.

The boy watched the sight before him with much intent. His focus shifted to the details of your skin, blurring the busy city’s whispers. Remnants of neon lights were reflected on your face below the moonlight. He noticed your lids fluttering before gazing at the stars above. “What a pretty view.”

Heeseung’s eyes remained on you, the city and sky distorted as he pinned his vision on you. “Yeah, it’s breathtaking.”

The two of you went home in comfortable silence. Your head slowly drowsing on his back before you fix your position to sit upright. Heeseung chuckled at your sleepy state before muttering, “You can sleep, flower. We’ll be home in no time.” His tone is soft on your ears and you hummed at him–too sleepy to voice a proper reply. And before you know it, two arms wrapped itself around Heeseung’s waist, prompting his heart to stop for a second before running at a faster pace. You settle comfortably behind him, your cheek pressed on his back as he drives with such carefulness and grace to your homes.

After returning to his own room, we wasted no time to call his closest friends, confiding to them about his newfound realization. He was in love with you, so badly.

*

Today was the day. The day where Heeseung is going to confront you. He’s tired of having to walk around eggshells around you, he wants to make things right, clear out any misunderstandings (and maybe confess if it all goes right). You texted him yesterday that you won't be needing a ride from him as you had to tend to other matters earlier than usual. As much as it disappointed him, he had no choice but to comply, not wanting to push past the boundaries you built.

Heeseung arrived at the restaurant much earlier than usual. He glanced at his watch, the time read 7:30. Seven fucking thirty. Gosh it was dawn for holiday mood Heeseung (even though it was 30 minutes earlier than his usual routine, BUT that was 30 minutes of sleeping wasted) The things he’d do for you. The boy sighed, fumbling with a copy of the key you gave him before.

He inserted the key towards the hole, turning it to the left in an attempt to unlock the door but failed in doing so. Heeseung paused before examining the handle, confusion glazing his features as his hand grabbed the knob before slowly pulling it down and opening the door with success.

What? Did you forget to lock the door before closing yesterday? No, he was sure you didn't. You were never that irresponsible. In fact you were probably never irresponsible at all. Did someone break in? There were no signs of force breaking in so that was not possible.

An echo of laughter rang through his ears, stopping Heeseung from his tracks. He peered his eyes at the sound that seemed to be coming from the kitchen. Slowly, the boy made his way towards the source, curiosity tugging his heart.

The kitchen light was on and through the window, Heeseung could perfectly see two people standing at the dumpling-making-table-thingy. His eyes widened at the revelation, there was you talking to another man beside you. He's seen him before, but he just can't quite place who. It’s one of those boys you hang around with. Soobin and Yeongjum? Whatever it was.

The boy squinted his eyes, trying to make out who exactly was this person beside you. A distraction to suppress the gnawing feeling pooling in his chest as another line of laughter escaped your lips.

His heart ached when your laugh settled on his mind. A pang of jealousy hit him across the face. You never laughed that much with him. Well maybe it was due to your past rivalry, but it's all gone now, right?

Well maybe he was wrong because your words proved him otherwise.

“By the way, Yn.” The man before you called out, prompting you to hum in reply. “How's everything, you know? With the Heeseung thing and all.”

“It's been really tiring. With school coming soon and everything, ugh.” You sighed, the crease in your eyebrows deepening and Heeseung felt the urge to kiss it away. Though he grounded himself at his position, still behind the walls as he listened to your conversation.

“I’ve been avoiding him lately, Junnie.” His ear perked up at your confession, subconsciously leaning in to hear you more clearly. Ah yeah, Yeonjun. That was his name.

“Why?” Yeonjun asked, confusion wrapping his tone as his hands skillfully wrapped the dumpling before him. Your lack of answer shifted Heeseung's focus to the ridiculously perfect dumpling sitting proudly on Yeonjun’s hand and how quickly he moves on to the next one, wrapping with such professionalism as if he's been folding dumplings since he was born.

Heeseung’s annoyance was cut short as he heard your answer. “I don't know. I just…don't want him to get the wrong idea.” Your voice is small, barely heard, but Heeseung could hear the words clearly.

You didn't want him to get the wrong idea. That was it, that was basically a rejection. You don't feel the same. The bambi eyed boy felt his heart sinking in his chest. The same organ weighs fifty thousand pounds heavier than it usually was, dragging him down with it.

“Anyway, you're driving to the concert, right?” You questioned, tone picking up ever so slightly.

Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows. Concert?

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He heard Yeonjun reply. “You've worked so hard to earn these tickets, we’ll have the best time there together, Ynnie.”

The boy behind the kitchen window resisted the urge to scoff. So that's it? You agreed to mentor him for a stupid concert date? Jealousy was a drug and Heeseung dwelled in it with no hesitation. He ignored the way his heart clenched at the thought of losing you. Well, you were never his in the first place.

They boy left the restaurant in the same manner he went in but with more passive aggression. Taking the keys with him before driving off back to his house. Fuck this stupid mentoring shit and Fuck these stupid frelings.

You remained unaware of the tragedy that happened outside as you continued to focus on preparing the delicacy. “Yn, you have to tell him.” Yeonjun’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You still, knowing exactly what he meant, while hands are still moving–folding the dough as if it ran an automatic program. “I don't know, Junnie. What if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings?”

“He would be stupid not to.”

*

Yeonjun was right, you had to be true to your feelings. Your friend left after he finished helping you with the dumplings, leaving you alone amidst your thoughts as the workers arrived one by one. You watch by the front door carefully, eyes focused to find a certain bambi-eyed boy. Concern clouded your mind, the clock strikes nine and Heeseung has yet to make his appearance.

This was weird, he was never late (save the first day). Well maybe because you’ve been going here together for the past few days, but he was never late even at the beginning. Did something happen to him? “Sunoo, have you seen Heeseung?” You turned your head towards Sunoo behind the register, eyebrows furrowed in question. The boy shook his head in response and you ignored the way your heart sank.

You grab your phone from your pocket, muscle memory automatically hovering towards his contact. These past few days you and Heeseung’s been texting more often, and though you hate to admit it, the feeling made you giddy to the heart. Your fingers typed on the keypad in a swift move, texting a quick “where r u it’s late” and a “r u okay?” right after.

The boy in question was laid in his bed. Back against the mattress as he wallows in heartbreak songs all morning. The ping from his phone urged him to open the screen, his chest heaved heavily upon seeing your messages. Why do you care? He scoffed after reading the message mentally. Just let that Yeonjun replace him or something. Heeseung suppressed his impulsive thought to type that in and settled with a lame excuse instead. “not feeling well, won’t come today. sry." Before turning up the volume as Mr. Loverman comes to play.

You frowned at his reply, a worried expression taking over your features. “oh no :( get well soon hee.” Your fingers moved before you could control them. “rest up. I’ll come over after my shift.”

Heeseung widened his eyes as he read your reply, clearly not expecting your last statement. He quickly sat up, thinking of yet another lame excuse to avoid you seeing him. Fuck this was bad, his plan surely backfired on him. “U CANT! Uhm it’s infectious, don’t come near me or u’ll get sick.”

Infectious? What? Is Heeseung okay? You spent the whole week maybe even month with him lately, and whatever it is he caught, there’s probably a big change you’ve caught it too. “Did u get covid or smthn?” You typed in, concerned for yourself too slowly creeping in. It’s been years since the pandemic, you were even surprised it was still a thing. “does it mean I cld have it too? Shld i get tested? Yk what imma get tested rn.”

“It’s not covid!” His reply made you pause on your tracks. “It’s nthn srs, u don’t have to come. Js focus on the shop.”

“Will u return tmrw?” You questioned, no effort in containing your curiosity. “Idk, we’ll see.”

Yeah right, “we’ll see.” Heeseeung scoffed at his own text. He’ll see if he recovered from heartbreak enough to be able to see your stupidly beautiful face. The boy locked his phone before opting to throw it to his bed as he continued to blast to a thousand more sad songs. Fuck you and your perfect self. Why don’t you just go take care of Yeonjun when he’s sick of something.

*

Friday comes in a flash. The sun has set twice since Heeseung’s disappearance and he thinks two days are enough time to sulk and return to his current summer disposition. It was his last day here anyways. After this, school will return and you both will just pretend the other doesn't exist as usual.

He makes his way past the front doors, mind unfocused as he ventures inside the restaurant. His tired eyes met yours, and for one second Heeseung forgets everything he eavesdropped that morning. “Heeseung.” You called out, surprise laced on your tone, clearly not expecting his return after disappearing from the face of earth. The boy resisted the desire in his heart to just run and hug you until you suffocate. But the remnants of your voice that haunted him till this day pulled him back. “I’ve been avoiding him, Junnie. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”

Right, you don’t like him that way. He has to remind himself of that and drill it onto his brain. “Heeseung?” You draw closer at his silence. Your hand slowly made its way to his arm, touching the skin slightly before the boy nudged back, avoiding your grasp.

Oh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, whatever. I’ll just go to work now.”

You don’t know what’s going on, you don’t know what’s wrong. His tone is indifferent, cold, and weaved with a harsh emotion you can’t quite place. The boy passed by you, accidentally bumping your shoulder before starting his usual routine. You could almost hear your heart breaking in your chest, the feeling dragging you down as rain started to pour, the clouds diminishing the ray of sunlight left in your eyes and the sky.

*

The rest of the day is filled with awkward tension and forced professionalism. Heeseung is aware of his status in the restaurant so he maintained his poise. Though he can’t help but steal glances of you, managing the schedule and tending the customers with such light in your eyes, contrast to his gloomy vision. The pain in his heart is subduable but he hates it. It was stupid of him to fall for you in the first place. You were always there, not even 200 meters away from him everyday, yet why do you still remain so out of reach?

Yellow hue dissipates into serene blue, the stars finally waking up to light the dark night. Heeseung waits behind, leaning on his motorcycle as you close up for the day. This was it, his last shift and probably his last one-on-one interaction with you.

As much as Heeseung wants to avoid you right now, he doesn’t have the heart to make you walk back alone. After all the past two days has been enough.

The ride back home was quiet, awkward silence cut through the tension like knife slicing though a piece of room temperature butter. The boy stops in front of your driveway, waiting for you to remove your helmet before parking the bike in his garage.

“Thank you.” Your whisper graced his ear, your gaze finding him like a pirate longing for her lost treasure. “For the ride…and for everything.” Was what you said before turning your back on him and reaching towards your front door.

Heeseung was quick to return home, not forgetting to wipe the strain tear that escaped his right eye as he reached the comfort of his room. Gosh was he stupid.

*

“Babe, do you think Hoshi is going to notice me if I use this top or the other?” Chaewon stands in front of the full length mirror, opting two tops each on her left and right hand. The question rang pass through your ears, your focus all poured towards your window, gaze stuck on the glass panels across your own, his midnight blue curtains covering the interior, screaming at you like it held a “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS” sign right on your face.

Your best friend turned her head towards you at your lack of reply, eyebrows furrowed as she noticed your current predicament. She was quick to move towards your window and closed the blinds, bursting the rain cloud forming above your head. “Yn, spill the beans.” Chaewon’s voice is serious and compelling, and just like that, words start spilling from your mouth. You told how gentle and considerate he’s become for the past week, the occasional night rides, the conversation that continued till midnight, the little notes you passed from your window, and the fact that he suddenly started to act cold and weird on you since Wednesday.

Chaewon listened with much intent, her hands moved quickly to wipe your damp cheeks as the tears fell without any warning. Well good thing you haven’t started your makeup. “You have to talk to him, baby.” She started, hands gentle on the crown of your head. “I’m going to beat him up for making you cry.” She whispered lowly, triggering a chuckle from your throat.

“How? All he does is avoid me. I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

The raven-haired girl hummed in response, the gears of her brain spinning. “Don't your families have a joint dinner together every last Sunday of the month?” You nodded slowly at her question, mind deliberately following where she was going. “That’s tomorrow, you’ll talk to him then. Steal him away after dinner or something.” She lifted up her arms to your shoulders before shaking them hard. “Let me cleanse you. For now, let's have fun, look at hot men dancing and doing fanservice. Forget ALL the drama.”

A chuckle escaped your lips as the light made its way back to your eyes. She’s right. Today you’re going to forget about Heeseung and that stupidly pretty face of his. Tonight you’re going to go to that SEVENTEEN concert and occupy your mind with Joshua Hong.

*

Family dinner is awkward as usual. Well for you and Heeseung, not for your parents and brother. Taehyun talking about something with your parents as you sat across the boy that’s been avoiding you. You dismissed the desire to look at his face because right now you are stuck in a perplexity. You don’t know if you want to punch him or you want to kiss him. Well you do know that you want to do it hard, either of the options doesn’t matter.

Your mothers left the dining room to prepare dessert and Heeseung excused himself to go to take something from his room. You took this as an opportunity, muttering “I need to go to the bathroom real quick.” before exiting the space to follow after him. Missing the way Taehun spoke to your dad and Heeseung’s. “50 bucks say that they’ll make out in his room.”

You sped towards the hall, taking his hand as you pulled him into his chambers. The bambi eyed boy felt like an intruder at his own living quarters, his eyes widened in shock, not expecting your actions. “Heeseung, let’s talk.” You start, voice sturdy and serious, cornering the boy before you with an arm beside his shoulder to block any escape route, his back pressing against the wooden door.

“What…what do you mean? Th-there’s nothing to talk about.” The boy grumbled, trying his best to not fluster under your gaze. Gosh why were you so close? Heeseung’s breath became shallow and quicker, the tips of his ears morphed into a crimson shade as he noticed your proximity.

Your eyes squinted at his sheepish reply. “Don’t act stupid, Lee. You’ve been avoiding me all of a sudden with like absolutely no reason!” A polished finger made its way to the dark-haired boy’s chest before he felt a light pressure at the contact. “You disappeared from the shop for two days–you’re welcome by the way for not telling our parents–and started acting like I don’t deserve your time or something.” You shove repeatedly at the same point, frustration swallowing you entirely and Heeseung? He just braced the impact like it was nothing to him.

Heeseung stilled as he waited for you to calm yourself, his gaze tenderly settled on you, in contrast to the emergency sirens that’s swarming his head like a busy ER hospital. Fuck, what was he gonna tell you? That he overheard you and Yeonjun and that he avoided you because he can’t handle a little jealousy and perhaps competition? Were you and Yeonjun even a thing? His mind is in scrambles and he can’t seem to get anything out.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you like that.” You peer towards the floorboards, features flushing scarlet as guilt wraps the previous emotion away. Your finger is still on his chest and before you can lower it down, a warm hand enveloped your knuckles. Chocolate colored iris melt into your own letting a thousand emotions seeping through like an overflowing glass of water akin to an eternal fountain. “Yn, let me explain everything.”

So he did and you let him. Heart echoing in sync against your ribcage, his hand not leaving yours anytime soon as he rubs soft circles. You almost melt in his touch. Keyword: almost. Gosh Yn were you that touch starved? Or did you really miss him that badly?

“I overheard your conversation with Yeonjun last Wednesday morning.” He confessed, thumb caressing your skin in a gentle motion. You can hear the gears of your brain spinning before wondering, “Last Wednesday…Yeonjun…What? It was like half past seven, how were you there? You said you were sick.”

“Yeah, let me continue first.” You nodded at his statement. “I wanted to, uhm I don’t know, like surprise you by going there early?” Heeseung paused, silently questioning his past self. “Oh, I also got curious why you didn’t want to ride together that morning.” The boy spontaneously added. “First when I entered I was confused why was the door unlocked but then I heard laughs–your laugh from the inside and I guess I wanted to know who made you laugh like that.”

You soaked his words like a sponge’s first contact with running water. The pattern of his thumb movements is still softly caressing your epidermis, offering you a peace of mind as you sink in his explanation. “Then I saw you with Yeonjun all comfortable and I got jealous. I realise you never smiled at me like that or laughed that much with me around. I got so jealous that I just couldn’t see you or I’ll burst in frustration.”

He stopped stroking your palm and instead squeezed it firmly before fidgeting it with both hands. “I also heard about the concert date. So I found out you mentored me for a month to get a concert date with another man. He must be pretty special, huh.” His movements went to halt and you hate how your heart seemed to ache for more–more of his touch.

“Yeonjun and I are just friends.” Your whisper is gentle upon his ears, the implication of another statement relieved his whole body. You’re still single. “He was helping out because he lost a bet and well he was damn good at wrapping dumplings too.” You chuckled, mind drifting to that particular moment and as if on cue, Junnie’s wise words echoed through your mind. You have to tell him how you feel, Yn.

“Yn I-”

“Heeseung-”

You both started simultaneously startling each other with the synchronisation. “You go first, Hee.”

“Are you sure? You can go-”

“You look like you need to get something out that badly.” You attempted to joke, lifting up the heavy mood that surrounds you like a thick fog.

Heeseung took a deep breath as he stepped closer towards you. His back is not leaned against the door anymore and his gaze is stuck on yours. “Yn I…I like you. Fuck, I love you, even, probably, I don’t know.” The boy pulled your still joint hands, lifting it up before kissing the skin in a gentle manner, one that leaves you yearning for more.

“But I want to…figure it out. With you, if you don’t mind.” Your connecting gaze doesn’t break. You breathe in his confession like a drug, addicted to the true sound of his heart. The light in his eyes dimmed at your lack of reply. But before he could turn away, a force pulled him down from the nape of his neck as warm lips pressed against his own, soft but also fierce, not lacking of passion. Almost as if you’ve been waiting to do this.

The boy doesn’t wait to reciprocate, one of his hands slithered on your waist like it was meant to be there as the other cups your cheek, angling it sideways to deepen the kiss. You could feel it, all the raw emotion rushing through the action. And right now, this is all that matters. His lips are gentle on yours, moving with such care like you were the most precious thing in his possession. Years of tension and harbored feelings melted into the kiss, you pulled him even closer to you, like you can’t handle any remaining distance between you.

Heavy breaths echoed across the room as your faces deepened into five shades of maroon, your past actions finally settling into you. You couldn’t believe it. You just kissed Lee Heeseung. And he kissed you back. If you were to tell this moment to your five year old self, you swore she was gonna punch you in the face for having Heeseung’s cooties.

“So…uhm, I like you too?” You sheepishly smiled, still enveloped in his embrace. The warmth excluding him started to feel like home.

The boy before you mirrored your smile before quickly pecking your lips. You both laughed at the carefree moment. Finally after a decade and two years of constant fighting and suppressed feelings, you both came true to another.

“Come and give me another kiss, girlfriend.” Heeseung felt the corner of his mouth curling up, eyeing his love. The newfound status rolled out of his tongue like it was second nature, like he had practiced it a couple hundred times before.

The butterflies swarming your stomach still continued to linger and even increased tenfold. The tips of your ears showcasing the color of your favorite fruit–strawberries. But instead of melting into a mush (like you would prefer to tbh), you hummed in thought, leaning backwards with his hands wrapped on your waist supporting your back before replying, “Girlfriend?” Your eyebrow shot up. “Maybe after one date, then I’ll consider.”

Heeseung harbored no other emotion in his gaze rather than one reeking of amusement and love as he kissed the tip of your nose, amplifying the crimson shade of your facade.

"Okay, next Saturday, 7pm. Wear something nice, baby."

BONUS:

You and Heeseung made your way back to the dining table with flustered faces, (slightly) swollen lips, and a suspiciously good mood. Taehyun raised his eyebrows at the two older people before him, his gaze later shifted to the side, making eye contact with your dad and Hee’s before receiving two fifty bucks under the table.

Ah, what a good day. Now he just needs to collect the remaining money from Auntie Lee and your mom’s bet.

Kang Ha-yoon and Lee Hae-in watched as their children exchanged sheepish glances instead of muttering curses at the other, a surging proudness fills the air like oxygen, letting the two woman finally breathe in the air with no cut throat tension radiating from you and Heeseung.

They might’ve lost a hundred bucks and may or may not owe Taehyun a new PS5, but as awkward dinners turn into lively conversations (without any passive aggression lacing in your tones) the two women send knowing smiles to each other.

It seemed as if their plan had worked. A little too well maybe but hey, maybe they'll officially be family if this continues. After all, your mothers have always secretly fantasised about yours and Heeseung’s wedding without any knowledge that there is a bigger chance of it coming true.

The private pinterest board rotting in your mother’s account may be for good use after all.

Fin.

TAGLIST -> @jiwuu @xylatox @ttulixia @iboughtnjz @bubblytaetae @wintereals @manuosorioh @ddolleri

AERNX 2025

[cloverprogram]

Feeling crazy about Waterbottle. Waterbottle who is so genuinely caring and kind and so full of love but is just considered to be bad at social interaction when Waterbottle is clearly just incredibly literal and blunt (AUTISM💙) and also a bit of a social outcast. Waterbottle lives far away from everyone else. They're the only reprogram at minimum who hasn't gotten rid of their arm weapon. They're tone is implied to be very dead pan.

And like I genuinely think this is partially attributed to the way Reprogram Town has decided to work. All the reprograms are scared. They're scared even the slightest temptation will make them war machines again. They replace their limbs, cover up parts of their bodies, because they're horrified of even the temptation of using it. It's to the point Wrench puts an insane amount of pressure on himself because everyone else is horrified of fighting things! Because what if it makes them evil, what if it makes them back to the way they were? The slightest temptation of being violent is so horrifying to them it's just... Unreal.

Waterbottle in the way they exist and act is something that sticks out as a result. And they've always stuck out from the beginning— After all, they were the strongest. But also they resemble how a "war machine" would act from the point of view of the other reprograms. And just like the reprograms, Waterbottle is scared too! Waterbottle wants to be like everyone else! There's so much fear of fighting or causing any damage or pain to anything (or even being upset in certain ways) that it pushes people who even resemble that away. Negativity or confrontation can be scary because what if they become killing machines again because of it?

Then there's Hammer. Hammer, who genuinely cares, but also always sounds sarcastic, is in a state of being perpetually tired and doesn't really act super positive about stuff in general. Hammer doesn't seem to be as much of an outcast as Waterbottle, but simultaneously she clearly doesn't "fit in". It's to the point Wrench gets worried about making her feel bad, not just because of being a protective older brother, but I also think it's because it's scary to him. He doesn't think she'll become a killing machine or something again, but I do think he unconsciously fears the idea of negative emotions to an extent. It doesn't help he's very emotional, and your sibling not being as emotional as you, especially when you have trouble connecting to other point of views at times, it can seem scary in a town where everyone is encouraged to not experience intense negative emotions or cause destruction of any kind. Obv we see this change in game, but it makes me think, y'know? How it affects characters like Waterbottle.

And like combined with all of this Waterbottle wants so desperately to fit in to the point they're willing to change entirely. At first it isn't as drastic, but when Waterbottle realizes that wish to harm or destroy is still there? When they experience someone they heavily care about nearly die because of them? When during the whole time in the friendship labs they've been told that their existence and way of acting is wrong and signs of being a bad friend? When they're told, mid breakdown, that they should consider being rebooted?

They want to become someone else entirely. They desperately want to not be Waterbottle.And Waterbottle is tempted by the idea because they just acted like something the reprograms would fear. Because they are themself. It's to the point they attempt getting rebooted multiple times, and then almost does it manually themself— and the only reason that didn't happen was because of timing.

Waterbottle's goal is to make friends with someone. But while they may be a social outcast, they end up missing the people who genuinely love them for the way they are. Yeah, there may be awkward times, there may be times of Waterbottle not understanding something, or being too blunt or literal. But at the end of the day?

They have people who love them. People who want to be their friend. There are reprograms who love Waterbottle for who they are. And I feel like it's especially personal when it comes from Hammer. Hammer, who has clearly always worried about Waterbottle and also acts different from Reprogram Town standards. Hammer, who genuinely wants Waterbottle to be happy and not isolate themself and not put themself down.

This is probably really messy and ramble-y but TLDr; I'm not saying Reprogram Town is evil but I think they carried stigma from the Friendship Labs with them into their home environment and accidentally made a society that outcasts people for acting "different" from "how they should be" because they're so scared to be killing machines again and this affects Waterbottle deeply.

Also I'm super tired and eepy.

[m1ssunderstanding]

do you think that paul refused to initially drop acid with the beatles/john bc he was scared that he’d have a potentially bad trip in front of them? i meant with tara you get the safety of someone trustworthy that u know but without that person being of upmost importance to you. meanwhile there was so much paul could possibly worry about saying/seeing/confronting around john that he avoided it ?

(I'm assuming this is referencing my fic where, from John's POV, Paul won't do LSD with John because he doesn't love him and he's scared of bonding and connecting with him in that way and he does it with Tara because he's just obsessed with rich people)

Yes. 100% that's what was going on in Paul's head. John going, "wow it's amazing it stripped away all my defenses and I was just fully living in the present and I'll never be the same again it's just really stripped me down to my core" like it's a good thing and Paul's like "yeah that sounds terrifying no thank you I'm going to keep reinforcing my walls up until the day I die I want those things high and thick."

Meanwhile, John's not really being open about the fact that he wants Paul to trip with him for bonding purposes. Instead, he's calling him a conservative loser. So, I think Paul tried LSD with Tara, not out of any real desire of his own (I mean a little. He doesn't do things he doesn't want to do but you know what I mean.) so that he could go "no I've tried it. I'm not scared I'm just not into it. Wasn't for me." Because you're right. He was scared of ruining his most important relationships. So Tara was someone he was close enough to that he'd be safe but not someone he'd be heartbroken about losing. Very strategic.

And he wasn't wrong. There's that quote from George where he was like "you know why I don't trust Paul? Because one time when he was having a bad trip and he thought he was going to fall off this cliff I kept trying to offer him a hand to help him down and he wouldn't take it." Which is so indicative of Paul's issues that George would never understand. But anyway the point is, Paul's "bad" behavior while under the influence of LSD actually did have a serious negative impact on one of his closest relationships.

That's why, I think, he finally chose to trip with John when John was having a bad trip himself. Paul was terrified of being the problem but if John's already in a bad place he can't leave him there alone. Like George Martin said, something about "to be with him in his pain." Paul thinks it's his job to save John. And of course, with their soulmate psychic bond, they ended up melding minds and becoming one just like John had wanted and they deepened their bond and it was beautiful.

Sorry I'm up in the mtns and don't feel like looking up the actual quotes but thank you for this ask! It's so fun to get into why they did what they did and what was (I think) going on in their little messed up heads.

[elzifelzi]

PHANTOM

CHAPTER TWENTY

Chapter 20:Haunted Hallows part 5.

Sam looked everywhere for Dan but he wasn't anywhere to be found, her mind ached with worry at the thought that something bad had happened, that he mightve been captured from right under their nose or worse. She ran around the entire complex screaming his name until  finally, she got a response. She looked up and saw Dan sitting idly on the roof, hugging his legs to his chest. Ever since learning to fly he began to prefer higher places he recalled how when he first met ember it was also on a roof.Maybe it was just something ghosts enjoyed, he thought to himself. Unsure that it was actually him she called out to him. 

Sam:”Danny!!!”

He gave Her a halfhearted grin before waving.

Dan:”sup?” 

Sam:”how did you even get up there??”

He let out a mild chuckle 

Dan:”You do know that I can fly right?”

Sam:”Oh right.... “

Dan:”you wanna come up?”

Sam nodded.

Dan stood up ,and proceeded to do a small stretch before diving from the roof and scooping up Sam. He held her delicately as if she was an antique doll that he was scared of breaking. He flew her up to the roof and gently placed her down before taking a seat beside her. 

Sam:”That was actually kind of cool!”

Dan:”thanks…”

Sam:”So,what were you doing alone up here?”

Dan:”Just thinking about everything that's happened, me getting my powers, meeting you, skulker and the Else Awareness.”

Sam:”Do tell?”

Dan:”A few months ago I was this nerdy college guy fascinated about ghosts and now I'm some kind of Half ghost superhero…it's trippy.”

Sam:”yeah I get what you mean,a year ago I didn't have any family outside of my grandma and now I got you…”

Dan:”yeah u do”

Sam gave Dan a cheery smile which he returned.The genuineness of his smile managed to get a blush out of the goth girl causing her to immediately turn her head. 

Sam:”and Tucker too”

Dan:”Yeah and Tucker.”

Sam:”you know that's the 1st time I've ever seen you genuinely smile since I met you?”

Dan:”really?That can't be true,I'm sure I've smiled alot of times hanging with you and Tucker.”

Sam nods

Sam:”You have but before it always seemed like you were forcing yourself to,like you don't feel like you should be happy…but this time…it feels genuine.”

Dan sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

Dan:”oh,uh thanks…”

Sam:”Which is gonna make me feel bad when I tell you why I was looking for you…”

Dan:”What is it?”

Sam:”Your phone rang, it was your dad.. He wanted to apologize.”

Dan turned forward and hugged his legs closer to himself, his smile fading back into his typical emotionless frown.

Dan:”oh”

Dan:”Well…thanks I guess… 

He did make a promise to Tucker that he'd try to be more receptive to his parents efforts but it still wasn't something he was fully ready to do.

Sam:”I really don't get it, what happened to you guys!?”

Dan:”It's not something I like to talk about..”

Sam placed her hand on his shoulder. 

Sam:”please Danny....”

Her face was genuine,her features softened and in that moment,just in that moment it felt like he could unload all of his secrets onto her,so he decided that he should finally let her know.

Dan:”fine... It happened 3 years ago, I was 15 and  My parents were on my case as usual.. They always nagged at me to be perfect "why can't you be more like your sister" they always said.. 

Sam:”Your sister? You mean Jazz?”

Dan shook his head.

Dan:”I'm not talking about Jazz”

Sam:”... What do you..”

Dan:”Just let me continue the story..” 

Sam:”alright” 

Dan:So yeah, I had another sister. Her name was Danielle but we called her Elle. My parents had her about 3 years after me.She….she was their favorite in their eyes she did no wrong. She had perfect grades, was kind, loving and was overall the perfect kid. I was always compared to her And I hated it. I know that my folks probably didn't mean anything negative by it but it stung. It's pretty pathetic isn't it ?A 15 year old being jealous of a preteen.. But to me it stung because she was a constant reminder that I was the disappointment of the family. Jazz was the genius and mature one and Jenny was the child they always wanted.. But what was I?”

Sam:”..Danny.”

Dan:”I was the kid who was never picked for sports teams because I sucked at it, I was the kid who was constantly bullied, the kid who couldn't do anything right, the kid who'd used to think that whether he existed or not didn't make a difference at all. The kid who could never please Expert scientists Jack and Maddie Fenton. I was the guy who failed no matter how hard I tried…”

Dan”:It got to the point where it was almost as if I didn't exist,I stopped trying to talk to my parents about things that happened to me in school,I figured with them being so focused on Elle they wouldn’t care anyway.I remember this one time I came home with a broken arm but they couldn't take me to the hospital because Elle  had a dance recital and they had already left..but Jazz took me.If anything Jazz was a better parent to me than they ever were...but she had her own life and she couldn't always be there for me....”

He squeezed his legs even closer to his body. 

Dan:... “So I started hanging around Tucker's house alot and I came home less and less... It's not like they'd care, they hardly noticed when I was gone anyway.. Sometimes it felt like the only reason they acknowledged me was because Elle  looked like me so much they'd mistake me for her on occasion.. It hurt so much.. I hated it, I hated them and I hated Elle..” 

Dan's eyes began to shift to ghostly green for a moment after he said that, but reverted to their usual color quick enough that Sam didn't notice.. 

Dan:”I know, it's wrong to hate her for it but I couldn't help myself everytime I looked at her…. I saw what my parents considered to be the better version of me... So I began avoiding her as often as I could; until one day I couldn't avoid her anymore.One day My parents left me and Elle home alone, which is something they usually never do but that day they didn't have a choice.. I was outside playing ball with her. At the time ghosts frequently appeared in Amity Park and that day was no exception.. While playing ball a random ghost appeared out of nowhere and spooked both me and Elle..... And I…”

Sam:’You dropped the ball?” 

Dan:”yeah....”

Dan said choking up

Dan:”It rolled into the street and....Elle... She ran after it.. And then a Truck....”

Tears slowly began falling from Dan's eyes and he had an expression of horror on his face almost as if he was reliving that day right then. Sam wrapped her hands around him and pulled him in close. 

Dan”:I tried to run after her but I was too late, the truck…” 

Dan:...”The truck hit her and she was gone...“

Dan:”my parents came home and when they heard what had happened... They blamed me.. They told me it was my fault, that if I'd never dropped the ball their daughter would be alive, and well they were right,she would be. I guess that's why being Phantom holds so much weight in my heart, cuz it feels like every person I save is Elle. Every life that I save from a ghost is like I'm preventing the ball from dropping again.”

He took a deep breath ,the air rushed into his lungs and he was certain that they would burst under the pressure then he continued.

Dan: “After her death I-I I just couldn't stay in the house anymore, cuz I looked like Elle. It felt like it disgusted them that they had to live with me. I didn't go to the funeral.I stayed in the house less and less, and for my last year of Highschool.. I practically lived with tucker.. Until graduation that is, they never came looking for me so I assumed they probably preferred it that it was for the best anyway

.they were grieving. After I graduated from high school my parents seemed to have forgiven me.. But by that time the damage was done.. I didn't care anymore... I did think they really changed though.”

Sam:”And then you told them what you wanted to study in college..”

He nodded.

Dan :”yeah as soon as I mentioned ghosts they brought it all back up again.. How I was horrible for wanting to study about the thing that took their daughter and their best friend away from them, and how I was wasting their forgiveness by ruining my life… 

Dan :”At the time I was numb to my emotions so it didn't bother me... It only started hurting after the year of them ignoring me.. And now it's like the pain never stops.”

Dan:”It was so hard watching everyone's parents drop them off for orientation while mine seemed to want to stay as far away from me as possible. It was so hard turning 18 and not getting so much as a happy birthday text Or anything!!Before I got these powers the pain hurt so much that I wanted to disappear…and well I guess I got my wish. I'm half ghost now so at least now they have a reason to hate me.”

Sam:”Dan don't think like that!! 

Dan:”why shouldn't I!!?”

Dan snapped at sam

Dan:”Why should I live knowing that the people who gave birth to me think my life's a waste!!?? ! Why should I live knowing that after 3 years they still value the spirit of their dead child over me!!? It took Jazz going missing for them to finally call me after a year!! I could've died and still Noone cared So Why should I !!?

Dan screamed clinging in the fabric of his shirt, tears rolled from his cheek to the galvanize of the roof like a dying waterfall. Sam grabbed him and pulled his head into her chest and began petting him. 

Sam:”because we love you Danny Fenton, you're a hero, you risked your life against skulker to save me a person who you've only known for a few months, you jumped out of an apartment building to save tucker from dying even though you could've died too, time and time again you risk your life for other people even if those people don't deserve it.The reason you deserve to live is because, you aren't scared to die for the right thing.” 

Her words echoed in Dan's skull; he never thought his life held any real meaning so he was unbothered whether he lived or died, but in that moment he realized that he had something to live for now. These friends who cared for him more than anyone else ever did was all the reason he needed to keep living. He wrapped his arms around Sam and the warmth of her body enveloped him and  finally for the first time In years, he felt complete peace. 

Dan released her and dried his eyes before giving her a weak smile. 

Dan:”I never thought telling you this would make me feel better... Thanks Sam, you're the best!!”

Sam smiled back.

Sam:”glad I could help.”

Together they leaned back and looked at the gleam of the setting sun and in that moment Dan realized that no matter what burden may come his way.. He'd be able to face it as long as he has his friends by his side.

Dan and Sam continued to gaze at the sunset until it disappeared into the horizon signaling the start of night. Sam inched herself closer to him, trying to do so as quietly as possible, Luckily for Dan did not notice,he was too busy gazing at the now clearly visible full moon. He was finally knocked to his senses by the sudden activation of his ghost sense. The air went cold and it felt almost as if time itself had stood still, the birds in the sky had been frozen in mid air and the trees no longer moved in the breeze. Dan turned to Sam and instructed her to get behind him but she too was left frozen by this strange phenomenon.To add to the eerie vibe a figure suddenly appeared clad in a purple hood, welding a scythe. The figure had skin as blue as the sky and eyes which burned red. Dan took a battle stance and  prepared to engage the creature in what he could only assume would be a fierce Battle.

To be continued..

New Chapter out, more lore and sad things hope you guys enjoy it.

READ the other released Chapters here.

[jarlskona-evilyoyo]

First forgive me if this post is rumbling because this is literally just me rumbling but;

I don’t think Rumi and Celine’s relationship was as negative on the surface as the fandom thinks it was. Now, do I think Celine failed as a guardian and traumatized Rumi beyond belief? Absolutely! Do I think Celine actually would have killed Rumi or physically abused her or anything similar? No.

To me it feels like their conversation under the tree was the first real conversation they had in years, if not ever, about Rumi’s patterns. Remember Rumi was deeply invested in hiding her patterns before that became impossible— I highly doubt her and Celine talked about them other than hiding them and by the time Rumi brought up possibly telling Mira and Zoey she’d been well conditioned to be ashamed of them.

Fandom Celine, in fics at least, really REALLY pushed Rumi into being ashamed of them but I think it wasn’t something she intended to happen. I think at her core she really did think Rumi’s patterns needed to be hidden to keep her safe, that Mira and Zoey might hate her for them, and that Rumi would be better off with a golden Honmoon. To Celine Rumi’s patterns aren’t a part of her, just something that needs to be hidden until it can be fixed.

Celine is like a parent to a lot of LGBT kids that pressures them into conforming— not out of hate but fear for them, their safety and the belief that they’ll be happier once the problem goes away.

I absolutely think that Celine had no idea how badly Rumi was feeling about her patterns until their conversation. Mira and Zoey both comment that Rumi has very high emotional walls and, well, I doubt Celine was ever very warm (even if she never had bad intentions) so they’ve really never talked before about anything of emotional importance.

Celine’s inability to look at Rumi while she’s fully demon like is very interesting to me too. I know a lot of people think it’s because she’s ashamed or hateful of Rumi but I don’t think that’s fully the cause. I think that a part of it was that she was ashamed of herself because the conversation was making it very clear that she failed Rumi completely on multiple levels.

Just imagine this from Celine’s point of view; here is the daughter of her best friend, who she herself raised since she was an infant and trained to be a pop star and a magical warrior from a young age. And there Rumi is, corrupted into a monster, trying to give Celine her sword to mercy kill her a couple dozen feet away from where her mother’s grave is.

Of course Celine wasn’t going to do it. Of course her immediate reaction was to try and cover up Rumi’s ‘ imperfections’ until everything could be fixed. She no doubt grew up pretty similar to Rumi and co, no imperfections, no weaknesses, you have to be strong because if you aren’t the Honmoon is weaker for it, so of course she can’t look at Rumi, she has no idea how!

I don’t know if this post makes sense but anyway their relationship is way more complex than ‘Celine is evil’ ok, thanks.

[vivisecti]

also,

Im extremely sick of u and your nasty shit u have never been nice to me ive been trying to hand out grape vines and other shit and be the bigger bitch but u never give me anything in return cold ass bitch fuck u nasty ass bitch u always bully me because u can and never because u should fucking nasty bithc i want u to go fuck yourself and do something beside torture me well u cant because u arent talented like me and u dont have no rocket boots or nothing at all poor ass bitchhh im honestly fed up and tired with this shit and im done im just done ive been havcing lots of problems with myself and my image especialy how my skin is made of metal its so cold and i never feel good about it its all because of your sick little venom tongue which was made to suck dog dick cuz well i cant ever imagine u ever doing anything else with that nasty ass dracula tongue since u just have to always be harasing my ass and making me feel so bad bitch be sayinbg shit all the time always being negative cuz u mad u dont have my life i have so much fun and im always feeling really good and i love my alloy body and what u say doesnt do shit to me cuz im more mature than u little freak stupid little nasty freak ius jealous i make money and u dont i get men much sexier than anything u could ever pull and its because i have a delightful style that keeps me in the loop with lots of good fun ppl who care about me and well your the only person in my liufe thats nasty as fuck and always a dick to me for no reason i have lots of friends but i bet u have more enemies cuz i sure im one of many tortured angels u touch with your rotten finger

[mrentrapta]

Jax definitely had a falling out with ragatha and Zooble and idk what it is but I do feel like Pomni is going to have a dispute with him. (This is not hate to jax btw)

Jax is definitely a little bit of an asshole but other than Gangle he clearly knows these mfs really well, ig he just likes to mess with people as effectively as possible but whatever.

He also wanted Ragatha to crash out btw idk why anybody got anything else from that scene he was clearly amused and messes with her all the time for that purpose. He was playing in her face that entire episode.

Also btw Gangle didn't say that she thought ragatha was a bad/fake person. Jax also did not say that. They both said that her positivity is hard to take seriously because she acts overly cheerful everyday . It's like Pomni when she 1st arrived, they are kinda annoyed in a way idk.

She isn't evil because of that. Neither of them said she was being malicious. There is a huge difference between what she's doing and manipulative behavior . It's not exactly the best behavior tho don't get me wrong.

Also, Jax is chronically online and a big ol nerd . He doesn't like slice of life anime bcs it's boring and "embarrassing" which implies that he watches other genres of anime. He also made a reference to breaking bad and to me when someone can make references like that it means they are a nerd through and through. He also acts in a very theatrical way. Like all the time, he speaks acts and moves in a very over the top fashion

And to Segway into my next point, he knows way too much about Zooble being gay + the less negative stereotypes of it(the batista and tattoo artist combo)

Jax is ALWAYS clocking Zoobles tea about them being gay, and idk maybe it's just the fact that Zooble is they/them (if their not please tell me bcs im actually getting confused about that) but it's so weird that he has so managed accurate jokes locked and loaded😭😭

"And Zooble turns straight." A funny ass joke but why does he know that Zooble is gay in the 1st place😭

Zooble only expressed disliking their body to Caine, and it is a reoccurring issue, but Gangle and ragatha don't seem like they know anything about it. So it's not like Jax knows it's because of that😭

He also says " Wait You're giving away parts now" and like idk it just seems as if he really gaf in that moment chat😭 like I swear he clearly has some kind of messed up affection for them both.

Also I would like to articulate that Zoobles problem with Jax is more about how he is as a person, but whatever tf is going on with ragatha is some deep shit. Cause Zooble stays on his NECK all the time. But ragatha is..... yoh honestly their dynamic gives me stress

Ragatha might have a uncomfortable and complicated relationship with him but Zooble certainly does NOT 😭 they don't gaf 💀

Zooble is like the only person who seems to be viewing jax from a very objective standpoint, so I have a feeling that if Pomni spends time with Zooble in the next episode she might not like Jax as much .

Zooble is actually the only person Pomni has had basically no interactions with so it's a possibility that the next episode is going to either be about Ragatha or Zooble and Pomni. Honestly I want another Zooble episode bcs they're cool as hell

It also could be an episode where we learn more about jax / his relationship with the others bcs so far the only episode Jax wasn't a main character in was episode 3 so he's clearly important.

Overall at this point I'm just wary of jax but really interested in him. He is definitely a complicated dude

[maerie02-the-little-turtle]

Since Kpop Demon Hunters Soundtrack songs still stuck in my head after a few days and now, I would like to write something here because I also got inspired by @wolfythewitch ‘s vampclave au and @darthstitch ‘s aswang hunter au. :D

Not only that, because I like to imagine Vincent being badass eheh. I also add that this idea I have is also similar to the story elements of Kpop Demon Hunters (which I also got inspired from and spoilers if you did not watched it).

Ok so here we go and imagine this,

Vincent is a priest in a small Filipino town by day and a secret demon/vampire/or any supernatural ghoul spirits hunter by night. He swore himself to protect his flock to an extent of practicing exorcism and using a weapon (like the ones the Huntrix use) to ward off evil that would affect the people’s spirits. His weapon was hidden in a form of a bracelet that he can summon it out of thin air.

He also find ways to lift up the people’s spirits (since these bad guys can suck human souls when human’s got affected by negative energy that would make them feel sad, angry, and hopeless) through actively helping the community such as Sunday schooling, farming/gardening, or even singing to them with his guitar (heck, he can even write songs idk *shrugs*). He formed connections with his flock. The spirits of the townspeople formed a protective barrier so that no bad guys can even enter the town, especially vampires.

One day, there was someone came into the town. A man. A foreign man from UK who claimed to be a tourist wanted to travel to the Philippines to explore and planned to stay for awhile. A man named Thomas Lawrence.

Of course, people welcomed the man and surprised that this man is kind, helpful to the townspeople, and even respectful. Vincent also had the same first impressions but sensed that there’s something about that mysterious man. Turns out, Thomas Lawrence is a vampire. Vincent had to investigate and find out.

One night, Vincent walked throughout the neighborhood near the church for some fresh air (which also means a secret night patrol) and suddenly heard that made him alert. He followed the shadow throughout the maze of houses and streets and there he saw Thomas. He asked Thomas if they saw something anything suspicious but the man replied that there’s nothing unusual. Vincent did not want to jump conclusions about Thomas being a bad guy (just because Thomas was a vampire, and maybe he’s one of the good guys).

They formally introduced themselves and suddenly became an instant connection formed between the two of them. They talked and they talked nonstop. Vincent realized that they talked too long and needed rest, he said to Thomas that he need to head back to his room in a little house (my apologies because I honestly do not know where priests stay) that is located beside the church. Thomas offered he could accompany him but Vincent said, “You’re too kind but you need to also rest as well. And things around here are dangerous at this hour.”

“But my dear Vincent-may I call you Vincent? You also need to be protected as well, as you have said, you may not know the danger here and I can’t bear to see you hurt.” That is something Vincent can’t help but realized it was more than kindness Thomas is showing him. And hopefully, he thought, "there is somethi- no. I should not think of that, I have a duty. My flock. What if he doens't like me for being who I am? What if he's the bad guy and just tricking me? I cannot be foolish again."

You see here folks, Vincent also has a secret, a burden . He is also a vampire. He really cannot explain but all he could that he was "young and stupid." He cannot tell this to anyone.

I can add here that the song "Free" from Kpop Demon Hunters is what made me into writing this hahaha. I just really love that song.

When they finally arrived at the destination, Vincent turned around to Thomas and said thanks. And they just stare into their eyes. After a long while, Thomas replied that he was happy to help and glad that he is safe and hopefully they could chat more.

As Thomas bid a goodbye and walked to return to his room at an inn, Vincent felt his heart beating faster.

Anyways, that's all I could write here folks. I want to write more but it's going to be longer. :D

[lunarmoontea]

As a person with OCD, I really relate to Ragatha's struggles with being positive and a people-pleaser.

Ragatha is in a horrifically fucked situation, and, due to her own trauma, has been bottling up all of her negative emotions out of fear that she'll be perceived as a jerk if she expresses them even slightly.

And with Jax having his own unhealthy coping mechanisms, she's constantly having her buttons pushed because he perceives her kindness as manipulative to others (when it's more manipulative to HERSELF as she's trying to convince herself that everything is okay.) Her crashout is completely understandable.

But despite that, even though Pomni told her that it's okay to be a jerk sometimes, she still feels awful even after just a slight outburst.

I cannot tell you how many times I've had that same face Ragatha has after I've expressed anger towards someone. It's like "do they hate me now? Do they think of me differently? Are we not friends anymore?"

And also, I relate so much to the frustration she has with Jax! Like Jax is constantly bullying her (he threw her face-first into a DEEPFRYER last episode) and then she feels bad after ONE reasonable crashout. She puts so much weight onto every interaction, and then someone like Jax can just shove Gangle on the ground and go about his day.

Imagine how frustrating it must be for her to be putting so much weight on everything she does and says, and then to see someone else just go about their day and express their negative emotions freely and STILL be able to bond and make friends.

I know that OCD wasn't likely what they had in mind when expanding Ragatha's character, but her character is so well-written and human that I can really relate to her struggles in my own way.

I think overall Ragatha does a great job at representing why a lot of people-pleasers are the way they are, and why it's so difficult for them to properly express themselves. Whether that be because of unhealthy coping mechanisms, wanting to be accepted, or otherwise.

[fy0lin]

i saw some mizi hate in the alnst tags and im??

the main gist of it was that she was selfish for exploding the stage and that she was a bad person for not acknowledging suas plans to lose, along with saying she was a bad person for beating up luka,,.

and like?? no shit she was being selfish?? we are shown starting in ruler of my heart that she isnt doing well mentally, and it's extremely obvious that she was struggling with suas death and that she wasnt coping very well. how did they want her to react? should she have been acting cheerful, and told the other resistance members "oh well, we'll get em next time guys!!"??

her last living friend from anakt 'died', and then hyuna died immediately after by an avoidable accident caused by luka's selfishness in wanting to see hyuna. she was already extremely shaken to the point of being unresponsive by till 'dying' just as she reached him, and then hyuna died by a misfire almost immediately after.

she has gotten the hope that she could save one of her friends, and then he 'died' in front of her and so did hyuna. there is no scenario where she does not react negatively to this, of course she acted drastically and severely.

and then, saying she was a bad person for not acknowledging suas plans, what was she meant to do there?? she had planned with sua to tie, so she was probably already aware sua didnt find it likely it would happen. even if she didnt already know that much, what would her saying something have achieved?

sua already had the idea in her head, mizi was sure her plan would work. even if it didnt, its not like they could back out of alien stage. one of the patreon comics shows that she went to anakt planning on entering alien stage, and there was no way she could convince the caretakers to pull sua out anyways, and she still wanted to compete and tie with sua.

then they say she is a bad person for beating up luka for 'no reason' and like?? what do you mean, no reason? hyuna died because of his hasty actions. sure, he didnt shoot the gun, but the gun wouldn't've been shot if he hadnt gone to her. hyuna made the decision to jump in front of the bullet, and someone else made the decision to shoot the gun, but that doesn't change that hyuna died.

mizi was already in an extremely bad mental state, and for hyuna to die to someone who had already caused her to black out and beat up once before, was it really all that surprising that she went to beat him up? im not saying it was okay, but it didnt come from nowhere and it makes sense when you look at mizi's actions so far anyways.

on top of all of that, mizi didnt do any of these things and then claim she was a good person from it. in the patreon comic and in the beginning of KARMA itself, she shows that she feels that she is a bad person. you dont need to read the patreon comic to know how she feels about it, it's the first thing said in KARMA.

specifically in KARMA, she says "stop pretending to be righteous, neither you nor i deserve to be saved." she was clearly projecting onto him her feelings about herself, she knows what she is doing is wrong, and says it out loud even. i cant even imagine how you could watch KARMA and think she did all that feeling like she was a good person.

she likely bombed the stadium and all the beings inside it because of that belief that none of them deserved to be saved or continue living after all that happened. all the aliens and human pets that watched, the person that shot hyuna, luka for causing the bullet to be shot, mizi herself for being too late to save till, none of them are in the right. none of them are righteous.

it doesnt take a lot of analysis to see that mizi wasnt acting in her right mind or that she did those things knowing that it wasnt right. as far as i see it, its even clearly stated (if not in exact words) and shown to us viewers that she isnt righteous or stable, her deterioration starting from the end of my clematis, even.

unrelated to mizi, the poster also said that it didnt make sense that there was so much media coverage over the explosion and that it was called a tragedy by the aliens when the human deaths were half the point of alien stage, and im just?? the stadium blew up?? we had 3 slow-mo shots of aliens being pelted in the head by falling debris and dying?? it obviously wasnt called a tragedy because of the human deaths??

im gonna finish this by going back to the beginning where mizi was called selfish, and im just gonna say that in alien stage, it is shown over snd over again that the characters are acting selfishly, and hating on mizi for her actions makes no sense (esp when ops favorite is luka??)

sua is selfish for deciding shed rather die than participate honestly and risk mizis death (and then for hiding this from mizi, even tho she found out lol), ivan is selfish for sacrificing himself for till, for barely giving his first opponent time to sing, and for admonishing suas similar decision, till is selfish for his sabotage against his opponent in r2, luka is selfish for his manipulation of the other contestants and his want for monopolization of hyuna, and hyuna is selfish for her decision to die and haunt luka.

tldr: alien stage shows us characters being selfish over and over again, mizi isnt some big bad evil mistress for being selfish, her actions weren't made with her feeling that she was a saint, and she even said herself that she wasnt righteous.

[spookberry]

what do you think of the new MH dolls that are coming out? both the buried secrets, Skulltimate Secrets and the new Nefera…among others that I can't remember. By the way, what do you think about the change between Nefera and Cleo's relationship in g3? Some people don't like it because some of them feel identified and happy to see that not everyone has a good relationship with their family

The new Buried Secrets set is, interesting! I dont feel particularly compelled to own them but I am fascinated with the fully blue legs on Lagoona and the lil purple swirly ribbons Twyla. I might just draw Twyla or something rather than buy her. Hmm. That might make me want her more tho. Dont particularly care about the other two

G3 Nefera is sooooo gorgeous ugh her DOLL i want it sooo bad. Shes highkey way prettier than g1 (i feel the same about Cleo tho ngl).

And yeah like, its not a Big deal to me that they decided to rewrite Cleo and Nefera in more of a "i love you, but quit embarrassing me by being older than me" type dynamic rather than an outright antagonistic one. They kinda rewrote Cleo's lore entirely regardless? I do wish there was more conflict in g3 amongst the core characters rather than it only being outside societal forces... and Cleo having a negative relationship with Nefera coulda been an option for that. I don't really think about Nefera much though admittedly so its not a big problem for me, personally ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

STOKED for fearbook Venus shes literally sooooooo pretty I need her so bad. Abbey however.... not really doing it for me ngl.

[uwouldthink]

I do think that having overly coddling parents is a good enough explanation to explain most of the reasons why Marinette is Like That, and that's because of parental modeling.

You bring it up in your 4th option, but it doesn't even need to go as far as turning every situation into crisis in order to have a similar effect. Children are very impressionable and tend to learn the behaviour they see much more than the behaviour they're taught. Tom has big reactions to a lot of things, but especially anything that hurts Marinette or has her experiencing discomfort. So as a child, Marinette would've learned that pain, discomfort and negative emotions are something really bad that needs to be avoided at all costs, which is why her parents (especially her dad) borderline panic when they see her experiencing it and scramble to stop it (like we see them doing in Animestro when they allow her to be the waitress).

But Tom is not the only culprit here. Sabine is far better about it, but we also see her struggling to put boundaries in place when it might upset Marinette. Animestro is one example but also in Simon Says when both she and Tom hold each other like they did something really difficult when they grounded Marinette until she stopped with her absences (which is a perfectly normal and even trivial parental discipline).

So Marinette grew up learning that discomfort and negative emotions are BadTm and that even a small amount of it isn't tolerable. It makes sense that she would think even a small mistake could lead to catastrophic outcomes because even small discomfort is bad and needs to be avoided. Furthermore, because she was so coddled, she never developed coping mechanisms to deal with disappointments or build up a feeling of capability of dealing with her mistakes.

Combine this with how she has a tendency to project and a real difficulty understanding other perspective, and her tiptoeing around people is perfectly logical. After all, even small discomforts are bad, and she "knows" (based on her own experiences) that it's something that's hard to cope with and causes big reactions.

In a world where discomfort is the worst thing ever, going behind people's back to avoid confrontations and negative feelings makes perfect sense. And when even a small discomfort can be bad, being a control freak is just a way to ensure that nothing of that sort happens, since something that's inherent in that mindset is the implicit assumption that there's no ability to adapt or recover from mistakes, hence why every mistake is a world ending one.

You didn't bring it up, but her parents being overly coddling also explains why she's so dependent on external validation and crumbles without it. As mentioned before, she never got the chance to develop a feeling that she's capable of dealing with mistakes and setbacks. But more than that, her parents taught her that being overtly emotionally expressive gets her what she wants, both in terms of material outcomes but also in terms of emotional processing. Her wide network of people she can rely on to outsource her emotional coping helps reinforce it. Marinette never had to deal with difficult emotions alone without someone to comfort her and the one time she did she didn't last more than a few days before breaking and getting someone else involved she could rely on.

Something I don't see discussed very often is, why is Marinette like this? An anxiety problem like hers isn't born in a vacuum, and while Derision was an attempt to explain things, it ended up not actually explaining anything! I've said this before, but Marinette's tendency to babble around Adrien is clearly the result of her neuroticism, and that neuroticism affects all other areas of her life.

One theory I've seen is that Marinette is the child of overly coddling parents, but if being overly coddled was it, Marinette would not tiptoe around other people the way she does. She'd take it on faith that everyone is nice and understanding and mature and willing to compromise. Instead, she doesn't. She hates having tough conversations. She always tries to do everything herself, and even when she does let people help her, she can't handle not having 100% of the control. She believes she has to go behind people's backs instead of actually working things out with them. She overreacts constantly, and her mind always goes to the worst possible worst case scenario. She refuses to talk about her problems to the point of not being able to admit she loves Adrien to Master Fu of all people. To me, she reads more like someone who grew up in a chaotic household where everyone was one minor inconvenience away from snapping, because she treats everyone in her life as if they're one minor inconvenience away from snapping.

Marinette has to have internalized this mentality from somewhere, and there are basically four possibilities.

There were problems in the parents' relationship. I can't see Tom and Sabine having those, and if they do, they wouldn't share them with Marinette or let that affect her.

One or both parents use the child as an emotional crutch, mostly in conjunction with 1). While I can see Émilie doing this to Adrien, I can't see Tom and Sabine doing it to Marinette.

An ongoing crisis, like the family having financial problems, someone having a chronic illness, the like. In this situation, the family's resources have to be directed somewhere other than the child, and they grow up not wanting to add to everyone else's problems.

The parents are immature and have the tendency to overreact, turning every situation into a crisis.

To me, 3) and 4) make the most sense. It's perfectly plausible that Tom and Sabine struggled to get the bakery off the ground when Marinette was a little girl, and we know Tom does have the tendency to make a big deal out of everything.

[andr0nap-02]

god i feel bad for not enjoying this quest but it was just... LIKE IT HAD POTENTIAL??? I THINK??

A PREGNANT WARFRAME WAS THE LEAST OF ITS PROBLEMS

i just. god. im just so confused

[sergle]

man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin