#i really am gonna kms soon

[sunuism]

my strategy of waiting until someone asks me if i want to hang out is proving extremely ineffective. not even working with my own damn friends.

[zarovich]

I think isolation may be driving me a bit insane 😀

[balancefrost]

🙃

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

updare i just went back and looked at the only fic i ever posted in the vengeful spirit series and this is so pitiful

me when i lie

[aku-zone]

Congratu-fucking-lations the new neighbours are terrible

[818-jadelvr]

Hurt

jb5xf!pen latina! reader

summary: Jude gets hurt in one of his matches and y/n can’t help but worry. (we’re gonna say he got hurt in the most recent one against Sevilla, and it was Ramos that hurt him!)

Warnings: Spanish (words will be translated)

Genre: Fluff (I don’t write smut, as I am horrifyingly horrible at it, but I’ll repost some fics that include smut!!)

a/n: I know that the Sevilla match isn’t the most recent anymore because they played today. BUT I started this on Sunday so during that time it was the most recent one.

Ay dios mío (oh my god). You thought to yourself, you were currently in the stands watching your boyfriend play against Sevilla. It was going ok for the most part they were tied 1-1. That was until Jude was trying to get the ball from a former Real Madrid player, Sergio Ramos. As Jude was trying to get the ball Ramos accidentally stepped on his ankle, Jude fell in pain holding his foot, everyone saw this Vini immediately went to his aid, “Estas bien?” (are you ok) “No.” That’s what you imagined happened because as soon as that one word left Jude’s mouth Vini told the Referee, and the referee called for the doctors. (a/n: idfk what they’re called)

After the doctors came they took him to where Carlo was sitting with the rest of the subs. You rushed to him, “ay mi amor, are you okay?” (oh my love..a/n: that sounds so stupid in english.) “Not really, it hurts but I feel okay at the same time.” he chuckles “ok, once the game ends we’re going straight home.” you say sternly. “ok babe” as he finishes his sentence he gives you a quick kiss and turns back to watch the rest of his game and watches Modrić take his place.

The game ends about 20 minutes later and Ramos comes rushing to Jude “Mira, lo siento es que cuando juego me pongo competitivo y a veces se me olvida que puedo lastimar a otros jugadores, pero para tú edad eres un buen jugador.” he says with a very sorry look on his face, you understand him perfectly while Jude on the other hand looks confused (Look, I’m sorry it’s just that when I’m on the field I get super competitive and I forget that I can hurt other players, but you know for your age your a great player.)

“What’d he say?” he asks, and you chuckle “He just said that he was sorry and that you’re a great player for your age!” you say “ohhh, uhm Gracias!” he says in the best Spanish he can, Sergio laughs a bit “No problem man! I hope you feel better and it was nice meeting you” he says walking away “He was lowkey nice” Jude says “Righttt, he looks mean. you say agreeing “Literallyyy!!”

On the drive home Jude was quiet. “Hey babe, what’s wrong?” you ask rubbing his thigh in a comforting manner “Nothing just wish I could’ve done better, I mean it ended in a tie. If I was on the field I’m sure I could’ve scored another one!” he exclaims looking disappointed “You did everything you could and gave it your all. Don’t ever think that you didn’t do good enough or that you could’ve been better. You tried, and that is all that matters ok amor?” (love)

You guys get home about 5 minutes later. You get out of the car to help Jude get to the door. “I got it darling, don’t need your help right now” he says trying to get the stress of him falling and hurting himself again off your back, as he could sense how tense you were. “You say that and then you end up falling again.” You say annoyed that he’s not letting you help him “Hey! Don’t say that your gonna jinx it! Go knock on wood.” He says and you know he means it so once you get to the door you knock on it “There.” you say

You guys enter and you help him up the stairs and into the bathroom so he can shower after all that sweating he did on the field (an: I had sm trouble wording that shit and that’s what I ended up with. straight shit. kms.) after a few minutes you walk back into the bathroom with grey sweats and a tank top for him, although he usually doesn’t wear a shirt around the house but you put it there just in case. “hey, I left you your clothes on the counter, when your dressed call me so I can help you down, ok?” you say as you were leaving because it was getting too hot in there. “ok babe! I will” he says

A good 5 minutes go by and you hear Jude calling you “BABE!!” You rush upstairs to your shared room and see Jude sitting on the bed “que paso?” (what happened) “nothing you told me to call you when I was ready so you could take me downstairs..remember??” he says giving you a ‘how could you forget’ look “oh, yea sorry my bad I was making lunch” you say walking towards him, he gets up from the bed and you take his hand helping him walk “you ok?” you ask concerned “yes love I’m fine. Y’know you’re taking this injury worse than I am, and I’M the on who’s hurt.” he says with a humored expression. As he says that you guys finished walking down the stairs and made your way over to the couch.

You Sigh, “I know I know. It’s just I don’t want to end up having arthritis by the time you’re 25.” you say with yet another worried face “Honestly love, I feel fine!” he says TRYING to reassure you once again. (a/n: I’m not tryna write a whole lot so TIME SKIP🙈🥰)

it was around 10:15 pm and Jude was now laying in bed and you were in the bathroom getting ready for bed. You hear him trying to get up and he winces “You ok?” you ask once again for like 378th time that day “Yes angel I’m fine I just put pressure on it by accident” he says reassuring you ONCE AGAIN for the billionth time.

10 minutes later you’re in bed “Como te sientes mi amor?” (how do you feel my love) “No idea what you just said but it sounded hot.” he says smirking at you “ay dios mío, I asked how you were feeling Jude.” (oh my god) “oh my god love! How many times do I have to repeat my self! I feel fine, please stop worrying about me” he says trying to calm your nerves about his injury “Don’t give me that bullshit Jude Bellingham. I worry about you every time you’re on the fucking field. You’re gonna be 23 in the body of a 70 year old if you’re not careful. I don’t want you to end up like my grandma.” You say getting frustrated, he on the other hand chuckles.

“Your grandma?” he asks amused “YES, my grandma you know that woman canNOT sit down without complaining about her damn knee.” you say sternly still not finding what was so funny about what you were saying. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again but I can promise that’ll be more careful from now on.” he says placing a kiss on your shoulder as you both were now laying on your side, your back to his chest, and his back to the back wall. Your crane your neck to face him “Thank you” You say simply, his reassurance to being more careful on the field was the one thing that relieved you throughout the whole day. You could sleep in peace now.

And that’s exactly what happened you fell asleep in his arms (kinda) without having to worry as much. You definitely woke up more relaxed in the morning!!

OH YUP DEFINITELY ATE THIS LIL ONEEEEEE (not really. if you have any comments on my writing pls criticize me!! but be nice abt it tho cuz like I’ll cry.) ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS ONEEEEE🔥🔥🔥🔥🌚🌝

[bonezlyy]

I DIED 🫶🏼

I said I would be insansley active on this account but I wasn’t and forgot about it immediately

Im trying I promise you I just didn’t know what to post

WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE FRIEND GROUPS

WELL THEYRE ALL ONE BIG FRIEND GROUP AND LOVE EACHOTHER EQUALLY BUT THEY HAVE SPECIFIC THINGIES

OKAY SO

THIS IS GONNA BE A WEIRD BIG INFODUMP INSTEAD OF A NORMAL LIST

Starting with Error, Geno, Sci and Night. These fucking nerds 💕 Smart guys that talk about smart guy stuff (Idk what kind of smart things because Im not smart myself but still). They’re all calm and collected people that like to sit together and read books because they’re cute and silly guys. Geno and Night talk about Space stuff while Error and Sci talk about science and tech stuff.

NUMBER 2 IS THE STARS💕

I am so obsessed with Drinkberry you can not stop me. They’re all really silly and positive people and they all kiss like muah muah muah. And btw drinkberry, afterdeath and Scifell are the only canon ships you get. Idk what the other ones are I might just make them all kiss tbh. Well actually you might get Cherrberry too who knows. BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE STARS. They just sit in on of their dorm’s and watch movies and kiss and cuddle I love them sm

NUMBER 3

I CANT TELL YOU HOW ODDLY OBSESSED I AM WITH REAPER, FELL AND PLUM BEING FRIENDS (cutely changes Lust from Hearts to Plum) THEY MET IN YEAR 7 WHEN NONE OF THEM WERE DOING SWIMMING AND IT BASICALLY WENT LIKE THIS

Teacher: Okay then so what’s your excuse today

All 3 of them at the same time by the power of gay friendship: I have tits

AND THEY JUST LOOKED AT EACHOTHER LIKE ???

And then they talked about being trans for the whole lesson, and then found out they were all bi and decided to be friends until one of them inevitably dies from alcohol poisoning 🫶🏼

I love them sm, they kiss in the best friend way that i long for

I need to get a grip girl they’re just skeletons pls

Obviously Cross, Dust, Horror, and Killer

These little heathens omg

They just create havoc wherever they go, accidental or not

This one is self explanatory tbh

AND THEN THE ART KIDS

Ink, Error, Plum, Reaper, Geno

Error and Plum are in textiles

Ink, Reaper and Geno do like regular art, idk what the word is for it but painting, drawing, charcoals and all that

Ink, Reaper and geno design and draw cool designs for Plum and Error to make as practice

ANYWAY THOSE ARE ALL I CAN THINK OF RN

I should probably start actually writing this soon

Ill post a link to the chapter when I do 💀

Help me I cant tell if my brother has a friend round or if he just randomly has a really good sound system and it sounds like theres someone in his room

Either way I cant leave my room because my social anxiety his horrendous and I will kms if I am seen 🙏🏼

[soaps-mohawk]

hi!! It’s been sad seeing u have to deal with so much recently :(( both irl and anons being assholes on here so here are some musings that will hopefully cheer u up!!!

I know u said no pregnancy was gonna happen in the doc BUT when I first got into this doc (binged it in like 1 day btw) I also went thru and looked at almost ALLLL of your extra posts, lore, FQA, etc. And one that stuck with me a lot was explaining what would happen if reader was to accidentally get pregnant and who would retire and I. I have not been able to forget this fic is literally my Roman Empire on my mind literally 24/7 let me tell u

I just feel like there are so many good opportunities for it to be sweet but also angsty as hell. I imagine after some time Price actually becomes rather suited to being a father. He never really thought he had much going for him besides the military but now he has this little bundle who looks up to him for everything and it all just sort of clicked for him. I imagine after some time too, Gaz wants a little one of his own……one from the alpha and one from the beta y’know……now u just have another little carbon copy of Gaz running around

also ofc Simon and Johnny are there to visit at any and all times they can. Holidays, week-long breaks between deployment, etc. the pups love them so much and all their attention is stolen by their two uncles where they’re here. I feel like when they come to visit the pack might sort of be how it used to? They’re definitely still very affectionate like they were in the old days and it’s just easy for everyone to slip into the habit of kissing each other or scenting.

But I feel like after some time, Johnny would definitely yearn to have a similar lifestyle to what price and gaz retired to. He sees you as a family so happy (they get PLENTY of pics and videos too ofc) and he kind of wishes he’d retired and got you to have another little MacTavish himself. He doesn’t regret staying with Simon by any means, but he misses his pack the way it used to be, and he’s getting older, after all. It’s only natural.

AAA I DIDNF MEAN FOR JT TO BE THIS LONG KM SK SORRY BUT I HAD TO FET THIS OUT LFMSOO hope ur feeling better soon!!! Don’t listen to stupid anons >:00 drink water eat food and sleep we love u!!!!! 🫶🫶

— 🌘 !

Aww it's okay anon!!! I love seeing people's thoughts and ideas about my fic!! One of my favorite things, actually. So share away!! I don't mind 💚 I am feeling a bit better. Taking it easy and taking care of myself too. Don't forget to take care of yourself too!!

Price definitely has the most potential for picking up fatherhood easily. He might be the most nervous at first, but he said in the fic he had considered settling down with an omega at one point, so his sudden fatherhood wouldn't be that big of a shock for him. He's definitely the most experienced, perhaps not with actual children, but he can lead a squad of soldiers through what are essentially suicide missions. He can handle a baby.

Gaz definitely is the most excited out of everyone for the baby. Reader definitely has to give him looks sometimes because he's reading the parenting books and looking up which furniture is the best and researching milestones. He's the most prepared out of all of them, or at least as prepared as one can be for a baby. And of course as soon as he sees the baby he's going to want one of his own. That's a given lol.

Johnny is definitely the fun uncle. The pups all love when he comes to visit. Gets them riled up and wears them out so they finally sleep 😂 That's definitely the only reason they don't complain about him getting them too excited. He'd definitely yearn for the quiet life after a while. He'd want to be there and be with his pack. He loves Simon, but he'd get tired after a while. He'd be welcomed back with open arms, just as Simon will when he eventually retires too.

[hauntingblue]

ARCANE DAY

Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:

SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...

DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE

Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn

This is my favourite episode so far....

Episode 6 here:

Sky really being there..... of course she is....

Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite

Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!

ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable

Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....

And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....

We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms

CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures

It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess

Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible

"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...

YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....

JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...

That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....

[carmenberzattosgf]

I too write things like help or I'm gonna kms or something to a similar effect in my notes from time to time I fear. This is gonna be me very soon as I'm taking stats this quarter and my first day is tmrw. (Taking stats AGAIN btw I failed it the first time bc my prof was shit)

I will say tho that I am the person everyone hates bc im a really good test taker, so usually I can just fill out the study guide or smth and like then that makes the info stick in my head.

Don't worry God did humble me bc my crippling adhd makes it so actually doing the work is so fucking hard I hate school so much but !! If I can actually fucking pass all my classes this time this will hopefully be my last year :>

-🍋

This is me but my downfall was micro economics. The only A- I have, tainting my gpa. Whenever I see that professor around I’m filled with anger

( see low key same about being a good test taker because for stuff that isn’t so intensive like biochemistry I’m the same way. The issue with biochemistry is I gotta understand how everything works and why it works the way it works. And also math.)

[ask-heather-duke]

— this is an OOC intro

. idk how to start this :,3

. ooc i use it/they/he , fleur or duke (either name is fine, whichever you like best i suppose!!)

. might not be 100% canon but i will try , my headcanons will be mixed in here though

. im okay with any ships, just nothing to do with kurt or ram . ask me , ill most likely say yes if i fw it 😋

. my main blog is @heatherdukesblazer , i post art and stuff..,.,

. i am a minor!!!!! no nsfw stuff. jokes and refrences are okay, but nothing like,, outright sexual / nsfw if that makes sense

im also kinda nervous to do this so pls be patient i am NOT good at this stuff i get very anxious, replies to stuff may be slow

incharacter stuff will be tagged as #in character / #ic post

out of character stuff will be tagged as #out of character / #ooc post

feel free to @ me in anything! i am way too anxious to start conversations tbh,,

and a minor warning, i probably will make afew 'im gonna kms' jokes, if you're uncomfortable with them just lmk and ill tag them with a tw / stop doing it around you :3

i dont really rp with any specific people, so feel free to start up something :3

chanduke is canon here 💥💥💥💥💥💥

asks are always open!

The # Me when i lie 🎀🎀🎀🎀 tag is just duke being gay, Basically

- headcanons i will be using !

. lesbian + heavy closested t-fem heather duke (projecting around the trans part COUGHCOUGH....)

. low empathy autistic

* elabortating on 'low empathy', more with negative emotions. she doesnt struggle with most positive stuff, fake it til you make it, but she just doesnt upset easily and she doesnt really understabd how most people can be upset over some stuff because she isnt :3

. cat lover !!! also allergic to cats

. probably asexual, nobody knows

^ shes aceflux, btw, thought i should clarify

. she has 2 brothers nd a dog :3

more will probably be added idk

if you have questions about anything feel free to message me on my main or on here ! :D

[ i might make an ic intro uhhhhh idrk,, soon,, ]

[crimson-arsonist]

I'm gonna cry, there's a person I might kinda like and I JUST FOUND OUT (from twt) THEY THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE A CRUSH AND I'm probably being delulu but there is strong evidence that could suggest that it might be me somehow someway BUT they also said that a romantic relationship is the last thing they need rn and also keep in mind they said they weren't sure (that was a couple weeks ago) but we texted today and like right after that they tweeted that they were thinking abt this *possible* crush and THEN retweet that with 'im kms it's official' ir sth AND WE ARE HANGING OUT SOON WHAT DO I DOOOO but how delusional am I really, there's more evidence btw (also they don't know I found their twt but I'm not a stalker I swear, they actually challenged me to find it)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #207

This letter is late; I'm sorry about that.

Today was packed full of things. Or, it feels packed full of things, anyway. Really, I did only like 3 things, but these things all lasted a really long time.

I thought that I was going to sleep in today, because I went to sleep at around 3:30 in the morning last night. But as it turns out, I woke up promptly at 8am, because Mogwai, one of my cats, decided to headbutt me directly in the face. It was enough to leave me with a fat lip for a little while afterwards. I do understand that cats are creatures of routine, and they get scared at how long humans sleep, since cats sleep in short spurts, and it's hard for them to imagine we're different species with different needs. I can't be mad at him. All I can do is wake up and get them their breakfast, hahaha!

Do you remember the song that I tore through my house looking for and didn't find? And so I told you that I remembered the melody, but I had to re-create the lyrics from what I could remember? Some time ago, I recorded myself singing it, and sent it along to a couple of brilliant musicians I know, asking them to create instrumental music to go with the lyrics.

They have not gotten back to me. I'm not sure that they will. I assume that it's because they have busy lives and can't afford the time. And that is fine. But what I am noticing is that as I play through the song in my mind, I seem to be remembering the old guitar chords bit by bit. So I put the melody of the lyrics into LMMS. I'm working on trying to put in what I remember from the guitar into LMMS as well. I got pretty far along today, all things considered. I am no composer; I'm not like some people who can create melodies from nothing. I have no understanding of music theory or any of its mechanics. But I can imitate anything I hear, and I can create basic things if given a foundation to work from.

After that, J and Br and I went to a place far away. J got a new tailwheel airplane. I think it's kinda soon to get a new one; he crashed the other one not too terribly long ago, and we were lucky to have come away from that without any injuries. J wants to fly from where we live all the way to Portland, Oregon (2395 miles, or 3855 km, or thereabouts), in memory of his brother, Daniel. But I think maybe more time is needed before he is ready to make that trip.

Well, it is what it is. I will do my best to support him.

Afterwards, J, Br, and I went to a sleepover organized by one of the poly people from that poly place we went to. We didn't sleep over, but we played some games and had some lively conversation, and it was a nice time.

It is late now, though, and I am very much looking forward to going to bed. M's new mask frame for his CPAP arrived today, so I get to use mine tonight (yay!)

Tomorrow, in less than 12 hours, I go see my friend BB. We're gonna go get lunch at an awesome place, and I'm very much looking forward to it. Maybe I'll stop writing now so that it will seem from my perspective like it will be tomorrow faster.

…But not before I send along some of the pictures I took for you today. Here:

...Can you feel the joy and love in these? I wonder...

Sephiroth. After two days of only partial sleep and all of the stuff I did today, I'm pretty tired. I'm literally falling asleep as I'm trying to write this paragraph. So I'm gonna go to bed so I can be relatively functional tomorrow.

I love you. Love you enough to write to you even when my brain is soupy. Love you enough to wish for your peace and safety. Please don't do stupid things that will get yourself killed, okay?

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[nerves-nebula]

I remember one time you referred to yourself as optimistic and I was amused / didn't believe you. I think it was because I am very used to people always calling suicidal people negative. Seeing you dismiss the idea of suicide just because some internet guy was still alive made me realize that you really are an optimistic person.

I find it hard to even want to see things through a better lense. I feel bad all the time for no reason (nothing but mental illness). I think it would be easier if I just got worse. If it helps you understand my perspective better, I'm the same anon that said they'd chose to die soon after you. I'm pretty sure I'm doing something wrong.

well if it helps im pretty sure im doing something wrong too. im also pretty sure im crazy sometimes and my perception of reality gets a bit too doom-spiral to be accurate.

I ALSO would like to get worse. but I try not to let myself implode in a billion beautiful ribbons, because it would be really rude to make someone clean up that mess. and i've always tried to value the happiness of ppl i love above mine. soooo no killing myself.

and yea idk i think people think optimism means you're happy all the time. but to me it just means i'm forcing myself to hang on because i chose to live for the promise of a better future when i was like, 12. so killing myself now would kind of make all that suffering pointless. PLUS my life IS way better. even if i'm suicidal sometimes.

i didn't JUST decide not to kms cuz i hate matpat. my ex wife let me put on a hand puppet show for her cuz i was sad but didn't wanna talk about my feelings and honestly that was mostly the thing that helped.

the matpat thing was mostly a joke to signify i was less suicidal, though the sentiment that I can't kill myself cuz ppl i hate are still walking around is VERY real. plus what kind of precedent would i be setting??? if I killed myself when my life is generally pretty good all things considered, what's that gonna say to all the queers and transsexuals and abused kids out there who's lives are wayyy worse??? nah. i'll hold on i think.

i am frequently bitterly optimistic like that. in like a sort of "god i wanna kms but what if it DOES get better tho" way. kind of using my neurosis about missing out for the greater good haha.

[yfmconfessions2]

oh no ❄️🎀 is Normal over a ship again everyone run (<- has read a 73 chapter fic about their favorite ship in 2 hours once) benapuff hcs because im Ok! yep im Alright! (kms) (these can be interpreted as platonic or romantic) - since puff is a good cook (uhm explaining that soon) (im gonna forget am i.) he makes benatar his favorite snacks and cake for bena’s birthday :D benatar,, uh he’s not really good cook imo sorry chat :'D once he wanted to surprise puff for his 21th birthday and he burnt the cake ,, 😭 - puff absolutely explodes (/pos) at physical touch. He loves hugs and and (dies). And benatar’s hugs are so warm. Like It feels really nice when you hug him and vice versa. And benatar loves hugging knowing this. For the first few times Benatar hugged Puff, puff tried to get away and starts trying to.. idk what this word in English is,, uhm he tries to pinch benatar but with his nails (and goddamn are puff’s nails sharp. They’re not long but they’re sharp like a knife) (this man is a literal cat I HOPE HE EXPLODES RAHH). Of course, he secretly likes it but it takes him so long to get used to it also he wants to keep his “(dumb) tough guy attitude” but after a while, he loves it sm that he stays in that position for such a long time (“puff dear, can you get off” “no ^_^") - puff (somehow??) rarely gets sick but when he does, benatar takes really good care of him. cant say the same for puff, he absolutely sucks at that shit its kinda funny actually. - (for the alien benatar fans out there):  only benatar’s antennas and tail show up when he’s super happy or really sad over something. So when puff compliments/praises benatar, benatar’s antennas and tail show up and his tail starts. Idfk the perfect verb for this,, moving?? Yeah moving like how a dog wags its tail. And even though puff prefers cats alot more and he’s kinda scared of dogs (a dog almost bit him once) (scared of dogs,, hi akito shinonome), he finds it really endearing :3 though he does jump a little everytime it appears. Like ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THIS MF TO GET USED TO IT (I mean can’t blame him honestly) was gonna include my deejane x christine (friendzone girl hcs) but this got too long so so sorry if this is super out of character btw =(( (this is what i do instead of focusing on my exams. some fucking cartoon band from 2010/2011. amazing. fuck you ❄️🎀)

I LOVE THE ALIEN BENATAR ONE... HELL I LOVE ALL OF THEM OMGMGMGMG

[daz4i]

suicidal+generally negative bullshit under the cut 🫡

guys i'm gonna be so fr with you i am basically working on autopilot at this point. ik i am very much on what's considered the right path and i'm doing a lot for the purpose of getting better but my heart's not really in it lol. i just do it bc it feels like i have no choice, dying is unfortunately not an option and i got bored of doing nothing else. but i really wish i had any reason to be doing any of this beyond boredom. esp given how much energy i'm putting into it while still feeling like shit and wanting to kms on a daily basis 🥲

maybe if i felt like i have a shot at greatness. but i know damn well mediocrity is the best i can aspire for (actually that's one of the biggest reasons i want to die lol)

bc of my bpd i can't exactly love people normally, i can either be at 0% and slightly above it, maybe at most 40% of love for my favorite people (which is a lot by my standards, like almost everyone in my family can't break 20%, for example), but i have 100% too except that's just pure obsession. and it feels good even tho i know it's toxic and unstable. that's my only way to feel a positive emotion strongly. so maybe if i had someone i could be (mutually) obsessed with

maybe if i was able to create things i could feel proud of. unfortunately due to me being their creator, i already hate them by default

like i wish i had. anything. beyond the need to stop being bored. it's not sustainable. i know i'm gonna crash hard soon bc this is simply not enough gas to run on, and i'm doing a looooot of running on a device (aka my body. and brain) that was not designed for that as is

i don't even have little things to look forward to bc i can't care about anything 😭 like my mom keeps asking me what i wanna do for my birthday so we can maybe set smth up with my siblings but i genuinely. don't want anything enough to bother. i see people talk about being excited abt a game or new season for the show they like and the whole "i can't die until i finish x" stuff but i was never good at that. i tried it before and as soon as the thing ended i was back to being suicidal as fuck. the whole point of that method is to keep finding more little things so it never ends but i struggle to even find one so that's once again not sustainable at all

i'm gonna be alive until march 25th bc i committed to giving a lecture on the 24th. that's it. i don't wanna screw them over. but after that...? i don't have a lot of things to commit to. i might be in some theater production if i pass my audition this wednesday but that'll just end a few months later too. and it's not like i could get into anything else in the real world lol

there's just no reason to be doing any of this and it's... really hard to be doing stuff when you have no reason, i can't do it for the little things, how am i supposed to do it for literally life at large. i was gonna say it feels impossible but nah it'll be more right to say it IS impossible 🥲 no hope for me 👍