#i read about this last night and havent been able to quit thinking about it since

[sircantus]

Markus Sircantus my favourite fanfic writer tell me... How does one cope with Technoblades passing?

IM SORRY THIS IS KINDA OF A SERIOUS ASK- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORD THIS RIGHT BUT- When the "so long nerds" came out I just balled my eyes out, I cried all night (it was night for me when I received the notification) and I was really wrung out the morning after it in school, and people got kinda worried about it and I explained it but- I was 18, it felt silly to cry over a person I never met before (and with gaming content) I really liked his content and it was all I watched in the pandemic but I just. Like. Stopped watching. because I got self conscious about being sad about it, and I thought I had moved on? Accepted? The grief lasted a day but I never thought much about it bcz I never watched his content again.

But now I catch myself thinking about him, missing to watch his streams, wanting to watch again his videos but- every time I see a bit of him, hear a little of his voice, MY EYES GET ALL WATERY AND SHIT, I CAN'T SEE HIM WITHOUT CRYING AND IT SUCKS. I don't really have time to get all sentimental eeeewww emotions but I miss him, I miss him so fucking much.

I've been following you for a long time now! But I have to admit that I only recently got the courage to read one of your oneshots that got Techno in it, its been a good while I didn't read your fics ;v; (sorry).

So... Sorry for the long ask LMAO, I'm just wondering how you- probably a person that likes Technoblade more than me- got over it and ON TOP OF THAT WRITES OF HIM! Please show me the path, enlighten me with your wisdom....

(sorry if I was rude somewhere- If you don't want to you don't need to give me an answer, thanks for the time reading it tho! And thanks for your fanfics! It was really a comfort for me in the down times :3)

(also sorry this is anonymous I'm a coward)

Well, Im actually not quite sure how to cope with it at all. Only the passing of time has made it easier for me to swallow, and in all honesty, i still havent been able to watch any of his videos since. I still flinch in hearing his voice when it shows up on my feed. But i write about him without a second thought, and i guess a reason for that is because at some point i accepted that my writing was a way of keeping him alive. My stories are a comfort for both myself and others wanting to continue to find joy at the thought of him, and i desperately needed comfort in the months after he passed, so i just kept writing until the bitterness stopped.

Its also like. Im kinda stubborn about feeling Bad. Grieving sucks and i hate feeling it and i hate crying so much that i refuse to let it linger and ill cram my head with anything else to let the worst pass. I dont think about him being dead. i just think about how happy he made me feel. I focus on the fact that he was really fucking funny and how he was an inspiration for thousands, and i focus on the fact that he still continues to inspire me in making more silly family dynamic fanfiction. I just dont think about it too much, thats all. I dont have any wise advice to share, haha, just that i try to keep my habits for his memory and for my happiness’ sake

[eternally-tired-muffin]

First off, I absolutely love the Hashira surplus AU. I see lots of somebody lived/everyone survived AUs since I have an Ao3 addiction, but none really go in the direction you’ve chosen. I think the idea of twin pillars is nice to think about, but unless they work best together and are messes without their other half it wouldn’t really make sense to just count them as one if they’re perfectly fine independently. Kind of like how Daki and Gyuutaro work in canon, I suppose. So if Sabito lived, he would undoubtedly become the Water Hashira first and end up leaving Giyuu at Kinoe despite him eventually catching up in strength and qualifications. Same with Shinobu, if Kanae survived then she wouldn’t have room to become a Hashira with the 9 max rule. All in all, I really like what you’ve done with it and how you’ve built off canon. I don’t have any direct questions, but definitely wouldn’t mind to read about anything you haven’t got a chance to share or small details you havent been able to fit anywhere! Have a good day/night and sorry for rambling lol-

AHHHHH THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING OMG T^T

I'm glad that you think this take on everyone lives makes sense! I tried to change 1 thing at the start and have the ripple effect come across naturally.

In terms of things to share, thank you so much for asking! This au is my baby so I'm thrilled to yap haha. I have a lot of projects I'm passionate about, so the actual drawings will come out very slowly, though I will answer asks and plot questions as they come. I'm currently working on the comic where Kanae meets Nezuko, so have a sneaky WIP page :P

The recent arc has also got me thinking about how the infinity castle arc changes.

MANGA SPOILERS FROM HERE!

I've decided to commit to saving everyone, as the core principle of this au, so the upper moon fights are going to go down differently. At the moment, I haven't fully decided, but my initial idea is this:

Instead of Giyuu, Sabito joins Tanjiro in fighting UM3. In canon, Giyuu acts as a parallel to Rengoku, with themes about weakness/strength and duty (who 'should' live). In this AU, Giyuu doesn't have the same survivor's guilt, and Rengoku doesn't die. As a result, it isn't thematically important for Giyuu to go up against Akaza. However, Sabito was present in the mugen train arc, and he narrowly survived the encounter. I think it makes sense for him to go up against Akaza with Tanjiro (who was stuck as a witness last time) and get to see how they've both grown - Tanjiro getting stronger and Sabito getting smarter. Maybe he learns Giyuu's defensive form?

Since Giyuu is free, I think he'd join in the UM1 fight. Having a defensive fighter could influence the battle. I have to be honest, I haven't reread this arc in a minute (so it is fresh when I watch the movie) so I can't quite remember how the fight goes down, but I think Giyuu would be there from the start. They just manage to keep themselves together as more allies join and overwhelm UM1.

I haven't used Rengoku here - I haven't decided his status after the mugen train arc. He lives, but I don't know if he is fit for battle. He may join Uzui and his father in protecting Nezuko. Perhaps he rallies the kakushi and the medical team with his large presence and still well above average physical abilities.

UM2 is a bit more complicated. Shinobu's drive for revenge is a key part of her character, but in this AU, Kanae survives. This is another thing not set in stone and may change. At the moment, I think in this AU, Douma has a habit of eating his victims alive. He taunted Kanae, managing to bite off her ear, so while Kanae manages to survive, she is truly affected by this fight. Shinobu despises him like in canon. In terms of the UM2 infinity castle fight, I'm not sure how to administer Shinobu's poison. It could be that Douma eats an arm or leg, but Kanae arrives in time to help. I'm also currently thinking that Aoi* might join Kanao.

*I haven't committed to her role yet (in addition to knowing basic medicine). She could be a poisons using demon slayer (like Shinobu) or someone who blended the role of demon slayer and kakushi - this is worth its own post though.

All of the speculation around the inifnity castle is just a draft, though! I would absolutely love to hear any suggestions/ ideas, so please feel free to reply/ reblog/ send an ask :D

AU masterpost

[astroyongie]

Dreamcatcher Reading February 2024

Note: please take it lightly

JiU

Love:  she is still dating the same person than in 2020, however it feels like despite their relationship being stable and successful, they have big communication issues. They have been struggling in the relationship due to the lack of connection between the two 

Career: she is very happy with how her career is and she doesnt wish for more than what the group has. She is happy with the success they have. She is also very excited for this year, since it seems like JIU has many surprised for the fans (its a year full of activities and tours for dreamcatcher)  

Self: despite he love life being a little rocky, she is complexity fine, physically and emotional. She is doing well and she feels content with her life. 

SuA

Love: Sua is probably single at the moment but she is still trapped in the toxicity and the negativity from her ex. Since their toxic relationship went for quite some times, she Is still healing from everything she went through with them 

Career: I only success for her as well, and things seem to be doing so well for her. Sua as also been investing a lot outside her career and at the moment, money if flowing nicely and thus, she is happy about it 

Self: Very focused on herself, Sua is taking time to clean her life out of people that doesnt serve her. Sh might have been a little bit lonely and by herself but its necessary for her to heal 

Siyeon

Love: Just like Sua, her last relationship was extremely unhealthy and she also got out of it but in her case it has left her a little bit more scarred. Theres a lot of things that have turmoiled her and I believe her love life is the reason why her mental health declines so fast and so easily 

Career: just like the girls above, her career is taking a huge positive turn. We have success in all the business that she takes upon, and her ahavign opportunities for her solo music. But also, Siyeon has been able to make some money for herself 

Self: she is in a period were she used denial as a coping mechanism, so basically pretending that her life is okay and that she is happy when in reality she is suffering. Siyeon is also moving on with her own life without having any idea of what she is doing 

Handong

Love: currently she is still single and not looking for any love. Handong believes that in order to be successful she needs to be egoistic and thus, only think about herself and not about someone else in her life

Career: expect her to have some business and opportunities in china this year. I see some people there being interested in her and on her potential as a Chinese artist 

Self: despite not wanting anyone in her life, that doesnt stop her from having lots of fun in clubs at night or going often at parties and gatherings with friends and meeting people and just having her flings In general 

Yoohyeon

Love: in 2020 she went through something awful, but today she is “healed” and is dating someone rather wealthy (it is giving me celebrity). This relationship is rather serious to the point were both families know about each other 

Career: it feels like Yoohyeon isnt that excited for her activities this year. A part of me, is seeing that she tried from being an idol and wishes to just settle (probably with her partner) and have a moment of peace and quiet. 

Self: it seems like she had a big conflict with another members (and also with the staff that work with them). The conflict havent been solved yet and that may be one of the reasons she is reticent in doing schedules 

Dami

Love: Dami is equally dating (also someone that is in the industry) and things are going well. It feels like this is something new since they are still on the honeymoon phase where they learn about one another and enjoy each other presence 

Career: she has been focused on progressing her skills to show new colors of herself but also being she has the ambition of doing more for her career. Dami also has good people being her for her projects (one being a oversea sponsor) 

Self: she might be struggling a little with her health lately, she havent been focusing on herself due to her erratic life 

Gahyeon

Love: Girl been bossing and is on a relationship with the same person she was with in 2020 who keeps supporting her financially but also emotionally. She is very happy and the relationship is very healthy so she has everything she ever wants 

Career: Okay so it seems like it was her and Yoohyeon who had a fight. Like I said earlier, they havent solved their argument and both of them doesnt seem to be interested to fix it anyways (at least for now) 

Self: she is limiting herself a to because of her idol image, but it feels like Gahyeon wants to be more free with her time and who she hangs out with, but can’t which makes her frustrated 

[silvershayde]

Sharing cus tbh I feel lonely rn and I'm very confused? Feeling s bit uninspired

So today (last day of classes before mid term break) I had an eye appointment and they said my eyes produce less tears, Haven't read up on it but they also mentioned technology and how it causes headaches

I'm almost done with school so I actually have soooooooo much free time sans the studying I gotta do, but I also wanne reduce my technology usage cus I have a crippling dependency ever since I had to revise my other hobbies to not get out of track with classes, but just thinking of picking up those hobbies again feels daunting and like, I won't be able to feel the love I had for them which makes me sad :(

I already crochet and have books to draw in, but writing for fic has always been online cus it's just easier to save and preserve my writing that way (plus more secure in my case) than to write ideas in a book and run the risk of them getting lost. But I really wanna cut down tech usage so instead of just writing out the plot in full I'll use paper and pen to write out the outline of my story plots and then make notes of the misadventures or side quests the characters go through and the characteristics of the characters

Honestly, I'm talking about this to someone else cus I kinda want an alternative perspective? I realised that school has made me so dependent on someone telling me what to do and I hate it, so I wanna try and practice independence more, especially planning how I wanna do my hobbies

okay, so as someone who has written stories both online and physically in a book, i was more productive writing it down on paper. sadly i did lose the book, but that was more because i did move around quite a bit when i was younger and it was hectic and not because of negligence on my part (then again i am also known for losing things but usually i eventually find them. and i actually don't know if i would read it back or not i was like 12 when i wrote it lolol)

I don't know too much about less tears can do to your eyes other than your more prone to have irritation and straight up scratches on the eyeball (i know this because my optician told me i had this but then didn't tell me what to do about it - still haven't done anything about it but i know eyedrops help)

honestly do what you truly think is best for you. if you're struggling with what to choose i suggest doing a pros and cons list and put em side by side. that's what i do when i'm truly indecisive and other's opinions don't really help. but! i will say that even if indecisive and asking others opinions, usually you lowkey know deep down what you wanna do and all it takes is someone else's thought process to know if you would fully go for it.

if you wanna cut down tech usage, instead of going cold turkey and making it harder for yourself, use night shift/night light (or whatever is your device/phone's equivalent) so you can reduce blue light at night. I know that androids have this black and white thing that gets enabled at a time for you. ALSO!! i cannot stress this, disable notifications. You'd be surprised about how much less you'd go on apps and stuff when notifs be off. But this is all the stuff that's worked for me personally, you can try these out to see if they work.

eye strain is a very real thing. technology/screens/whatever are usually what causes this and even looking away from a screen and doing something else can make it worse if it gets that bad. when you start to get that annoying thing at the back of your eyes or you feel a light ache around your eyes, know your slowly starting to experience eye strain and you need to relax them. having dry eyes i think make it worse because of the scratching/irritation it can cause and because if your eyes are dry enough, your ability to BLINK would start to get affected. and that's just a long day

about your other hobbies, i get it feeling daunting if you havent dabbled in a while, i feel it whenever i get back to drawing after a long while. all i can say to that is slowly ease yourself back into doing it. start small, because if you go in acting as if there has been no time between the last time you've participated in your hobbies, you could start being overly harsh on yourself if it isn't going as smooth as you wanted. but trying it out, is better than not at all. and it'd help reduce screen time

[rouge-the-bat]

i was tagged by @princesstokyomoon owo! ty for the tag i love talking about myself LOL

nickname: [not including nicknames based on my irl name for obvious reasons] rouge is what i go by online, sometimes called rougey too :3 kurama is another nickname, so is weirdo (started based on my old url, weirdobsessivenerd). i used to go by yoshi a while back in school too with some people

sign: taurus ♉️ !

height: uhh im 5'2" or 5'3" iirc

last thing i googled: koltins locations in totk, bc im hunting down bubbul frogs rn ! i have 32 left to get atm owo

amount of sleep: eh varies tbh? usually i get around 8-10 hours but sometimes it can be a little less or a little more depending on the night

dream job: character designer for video games!!! + general graphic design n world design n stuff like that. i love LOVE designing things, especially characters, its been one of my biggest and longest passions in my life !!! characters are my absolute fave thing to enjoy and work on, and i hope to one day create characters others can fall in love with like i have for many characters!!!

wearing: a hot pink nightgown with black lace, and black lacey shorts! its so cozy n me core :3

media that summarizes me: like... summarizes my personality? my interests?? hmm... im not really. sure what would really summarize me for my personality? maybe some of my fave things since they tend to have quite an effect on me?

the sonic series i think is a good representation of how im unashamed to be genuine to myself, positive and loving what i love and not caring about being cringy. and it absolutely influenced my love for rockin music, colorful series with darker stories, and edgy antiheroes lol.

maybe system of a down would be a good thing to mention here too, i love all of their music and they definitely have rockin high energy music that can get really wacky sometimes, and ive always had a love for weird shit and identified with being weird!

favourite songs: ough hmm.. ill limit myself to like. 6 songs i really love rather than trying to figure out my Favoritest Faves bc im indecisive lol. n gonna do some different styles for a variety of my tastes!

bring me the horizon ft babymetal - kingslayer

in this moment - sick like me

omega tribe - summer suspicion

megumi ogata - fukanzen nenshou

riff kitten ft kumiho - fallen world

i dont know how but they found me - mx. sinister

instruments: this is so vague lol like. is this meaning ones ik how to play? my fave instruments?

well for ones i know how to play- well i used to know how to play anyways- i played the clarinet in band! n at some point i got an ocarina n tried learning that but never worked on it much. i used to be able to play a couple little tunes on it tho (like the jigglypuff song from the pokemon anime. or part of it at least). someday ill get back to it...

for my fave instruments... id probably say the violin and piano. i really love the sound of them, and i like how much emotion they can evoke!

aesthetic: oh god where do i even begin gkdkfbdkf i have a MILLION aesthetics i love lol. lovecore is probably my biggest one though, but i also love tech/glitchy stuff, gems, mermaid/ocean, general nature/flowers, clown/carnival, christmas, halloween, witchy, punk/goth/scene/emo (together since there can be some overlap between the aesthetics, ik theyre not the same), night/dreamy, space, yandere for a darker twist on lovecore stuff, and much much more. i love anything from pastel n cute, to neon and dynamic, to dark n creepy. i just!! absolutely adore aesthetics!!! its what im all about!

favourite author: ...i dont have one fkxbjf i havent read a book in years and even when i used to read more i didnt have one. could i just say yoshihiro togashi since he created the manga of my fave anime (yu yu hakusho) lmao?

random fun fact: i love pickles and will drink pickle juice straight out of the jar. have yall ever had pickle pops??? its like popsicles but with frozen pickle juice. i LOVE it. actually i should find our popsicle molds so i can make some soon

some mutuals to tag: if yall wanna, ill tag @megalo-station @mageofcolors @transgaykurama @foxdenji @skrunksthatwunk @l-lawliets-pussy @yoko-kurama-the-sex-god @shining-bewear @pipwife and weve only been mutuals for a short time but ill tag @shrineguardianhyena too owo

[taegularities]

HII RID 🦆🥨 so…. i have a confession to make!! i have been traveling around so i havent been able to leave any kind of message for cmi11 — and thank GOD i havenT 🤣🤣 bc the first feedback i wanna give u was “omg that wasnt 30+k words?!! it was so fast?!” lmao… since i read this on an airplane i copy pasted it into my notes to ensure the link wont close etc 🥹✌️

so color me surprised (lmao get it) when i keep on reading ur response to other asks & feedbacks about the ending… and im like??? the ending was like whatever? lmao (u know what i mean, it was a cliffhanger and really nothing to write home ab bc we dont know what it is— the “holy shit” line after going into the room) but i still didnt register that there was a SECOND PART to cmi11 bc i missed ur notes at the bottom 💀💀💀 im a clown truly LMFAO but I READ IT LAST NIGHT I FOUGHT THRU THE JETLAG 🤡🤡 and goodnesssss meeeeeweeeeee

just to start…… i love that theres so many scenes!!!!! i get so giddy when i know u can end the chapter on a particular scene and u didnt (HAHA i would scroll a little just to see if i have more to read 🙃)

the meeting w jk’s mom 🥹🥹 how is she that precious (what are u even saying munchhhkinnn — lives literally rent free in my head!!!! idk why munchkin can make me blush even more than angel does but if theres anyone who can do it, its certainly u & jk 💓) and i love their playfulness throughout the whole chapter, i really miss this ab them 😢😢 the past few i think oc has been too sad, or timid and also just blushing at jk’s advances ☹️☹️ WHEN his mom caught him looking at her?!!! when he unconsciously plays w the ends of her hair?? damn kill me now idk ahhhhh i alr re-read that scene like 4 times

regarding the l word scene, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA mfer saying he cant put his feelings to word and did better than shakespeare 😡😢

AH HELLO YOUUU!! it's so cute that you read this on the plane like fkjhsdkfa i'm glad you found something to kill the time!! also 30k+ passing fast is always the biggest compliment ever 😭 NOT YOU MISSING THE REST OF THE CHAPTER LMAOOOO oh my god i can imagine the confusion upon reading the asks, bc the "holy shit" truly was not the ✨ magnificent ending ✨ everyone spoke of 🤣

yes, i think this wasn't just the longest chapter wc wise, but had the most scenes, too!! like legit 10+, idk what i was on :') where am i ending the chapter.. always an unpredictable affair 😂 hope you liked how it ended after all!! yes his mom is… literally now we know where he got his all his kindness and his good heart from!! i'm so happy you liked the scene (and the nickname, bc munchkin is ABSOLUTELY growing on me :')) you're so right. they were so sad the past few chapters that i couldn't quite capture their bicker and their playful personalities, but that's what they are – dorky and sweet and enthusiastic about everything 🥺

thank you so much for reading and mentioning all the key scenesssss! you might not know, but messages like these leave me feeling so giddy and warm <3

[normalestgirlblog]

issue

I am running into a bit of an issue

as those who read my blog which is few know i have embarked upon a long distance situationship with a boy who i have had a thing for for quite some time. i am really happy, and he is really sweet, and i think that when we are no longer long distance it could be something good.

however

i am running into a bit of an issue regarding his past dalliances. he had an alcohol fueled one night stand with one of my best friends in the entire world. and this is no ordinary best friend. she is perhaps one of the most beautiful creatures to ever walk upon the earth and grace its presence. the first time i saw her, i was so taken by her beauty and smile and spirit i stg i fell in love at first sight and knew i had to make her mine in whatever capacity she allowed. we became instantaneous friends freshman year and have been by eachothers side ever since. i was by her side the night we both met him and she went home with him. i was also taken by him as was she, but i could see that they were the ones fucking that night. plus i was fucking wasteddddd as was she, and him. and honestly when im wasted fucking is the last thing on my mind so even if she werent there idk if i would have successfully put on the moves.

anyways

as he and i are beginning to know eachother better, i find myself at odds with my brain. we have already dicussed him and elizabeth, and i asked her well before i began talking to him if she cared or minded that i wanted to pursue something with him, to which she said she didnt. he also didnt have any qualms about it other than feeling bad that it was a one night stand and he didnt pursue her following.

i think it may also be worth it to mention that i have been in this situation before. my former situationship had sex with my cousin, which was ultimately the reason why we had sex, and my cousin is also one of the most beautiful people to walk this earth. i tried not to let it bother me when he and i began getting more serious, but i could not get out of my mind that he had sex with someone i both love and someone so incredibly breathtaking its annoying. i didnt like that he followed them, i didnt like that they mentioned how they hooked up. but i didnt let it affect me to the point that i broke up with him or stopped talking to them or anything bad. i just kinda suppressed it

i am surrounded by beauty and it is so amazing and yet fueling my deepest insecurities. i am no stranger to this, i have known all my life that my friends were more desirable than i. its not a bad thing, i think all my friends are beautiful and deserve all the appreciation in the world. at times though, i have found it can make me insecure.

anyways back to the boy. i have wanted to send him pictures where i look good, or just memories, but she is in them. and she is so stunning its nauseating. i cant bring myself to send them. what if he saw it, realized how beautiful she was, and used me to get back to her. or just ended it with me outright bc he couldnt be with me while im so close to her. idk why my mind goes to these places. i cant help it. its also 5 am and i havent been able to sleep.

also i feel weird talking to her abt it, but i love talking to her about boys. its one of my favorite hobbies. and yet i feel awkward esp rn considering out of the two of us currently she is the only one to have seen his penis.

maybe this is also because he met us both and had sex with her and doesnt even remember meeting me. maybe she is prettier than i am. i wouldnt doubt for a second she is more memorable than i am. i thought abt her for a whole week after we barely met. and now i dont even want to talk to either of them.

idk why i keep doing this to myself and hooking up with people that have hooked up with my friends. i try so hard to be secure and confident and i dont know if i can make it past this one. i am really scared but atp i def have feelings for him. im just gonna ball it out and hope for the best and repress these feelings until i am alone and can express them on here.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent / personal / s.i. / sh mention / long post / extremely negative dont read

I rly wanna fucking stop existing man life is too fucking hard I cant do this shit

My grandpa basically blamed me for the house's electricity usage when i literally only used my computer for one week last month and like 2 days this month. Anything else this month has just been phone charging or running my 2 small aquariums. Idk why i have to take the blame for that just because im a young person when my grandpa literally has been using large machinery in the garage and we rent out our guest house which has an a/c unit running ALL the time (our house does not have a/c or any internal system. Utilities are included in the guest house we rent so we pay for that person to stay cool while we sweat over here lmao.)

Ive been suffering for weeks in the 90-100 degree weather with no fan because my bathroom flooded due to grandpa installing the wrong fixture in my toilet (i literally only needed to replace the flap which required no disconnections! But he insisted, and now my only clean fan has been stuck in my bathroom with the window open letting in all the heat). Like. I enjoy the heat. Im fine with no ac. I tolerate it fine. But i need an occasional few minutes of being in the fan if the windows have been letting in all the heat. Normally id keep my blinds closed and the shower curtain closed so the heat doesnt get extreme but because i need to air out the bathroom i cant do that ((Literally when i lived in nyc w no ac, i would just go out to the living room and turn a/c on for like 1 minute while i stand in front of it, and then off again and i was fine for the rest of the night, i cant sleep with ac or a fan on or else i get hypothermic - i actually started getting hypothermic the other night because my blankets fell off the bed on a cooler night, it sucked lol))

Im so sick of having to wear shoes in my bathroom due to the carpet being pulled back, its uncomfortable to traverse that mess while having an injured back. Im sick of all the wildfire ash thats poured into my bathroom and probably my room too. (I had JUST changed my last air filter the day before the fire started lmao probably used up the whole thing already, i never got to keep my clean air room i had just started).

I had to deep clean the kitchen and deep vacuum the entire house with my back thats been injured since MAY since grandpa wont clean up after himself, and apparently my mom has also not been cleaning for years in her room (and my mom has the nerve to judge me for having a clean but cluttered room! Its her fault its cluttered because im not allowed to have anything of mine except food downstairs!). I havent been able to get treatment for my back because my mom has the only car and shes been out of town for the past month+.

Im fucking scared as fuck because i couldnt get ahold of a doctors office for a prescription for my endo and so now ive been having to take the leftovers i had of a lower dose. I live in a dead zone so a lot of the time i cant make phonecalls, idk if the issue was my end or the doctors and im just too stressed to try again bc if i think ab endo im gonna have a mental breakdown, its already bad enough having EXTREME phone anxiety due to not being able to understand people when they talk especially over a garbled phone connection. Im supposed to quit this med at the end of the month and idk how im gonna survive. I might not. I was completely su// ici// dal during the last couple flare ups. Endo is incurable and apparently im resistant to medication and surgical treatment. So its untreatable for me too.

Then theres my whole depression. This just fucking kicked off a really terrible mood swing and ive been like crying and moping in bed for hours trying NOT to think about where i know the things i used to s.h. before are packed. Bc that hasnt ever stopped being on my fucking mind since before i even started as a teen lmao. I cant stop thinking about how im existing against my will. Theres just no good way to die. Id feel guilty too because of how expensive my jaw treatments are and i havent even finished.

Speaking of, my jaw is still fucked and not getting any better lmao. Im in constant pain and headaches because of the aligners on my teeth. Im making myself sick from eating depression foods because by the time i take the things off my teeth to eat and drink, my mouth hurts, my jaw hurts, my head hurts, my tummy hurts, and after i eat anything i feel sick and tired and lightheaded from not being able to snack or drink when i want at my own pace, and then suddenly having to eat a whole meals worth of food in one sitting. (Not that i do that lmao ive been eating really lightly bc i am not physically up to the task of cooking or eating anything. I CAN cook. Just not physically, or mentally any more). So ive been eating terribly within my already limited diet. (And my jaw wont stop popping and cracking painfully every time i chew anything which is so humiliating and frustrating and painful and i cant eat a lot of foods i used to.)

There just too much going on all at once and im fucking sick of everything. I was already at my fucking limit before my mom fucked off to do pet sitting for a relative and went back on her word that she'd bring the dog to stay at our house. Which means ive gone since May without treatment for my back except for the chiropractor i see right after my therapy appointment. Which i dont think is doing enough. I dont know what more can be done when i constantly have to do back breaking things around the house. And when i told my mom ab how im not able to get the care i need because of her leaving, she turned it on me and said it was my fault for not making an appointment. Fucking gaslighting asshole. How the fuck am i supposed to get to an appointment 30-40 minutes away when i dont have the car? (Because theres no where local that will take my insurance, and i dont think even the places 30-40 minutes away will take it either.)

I dont know how anyone manages to live. Just existing is constant pain due to fibromyalgia and arthritis. Its constant hypervigilance and fear from the endo. Its extreme treatment-resistant depression (i fucking wish antidepressants worked on me lmao but that was the most miserable 5 years of my life trying every class of them). Its gender dysphoria and i cant transition because i cant work or live independently (its not safe for me to come out or transition while living in grandpas house hed kick me out). Its loneliness because i have like 2 friends i occasionally talk to online but no one close and were not on the same circles even, not like i even have a stable internet connection to do anything more than just over messaging. I dont have the mental energy to be friends w anyone either bc i have nothing to offer. Existing while alive is a full time job with no pay or benefits. I dont even know anyone irl thats not relatives (im not close with anyone in my family at all) or a doctor. I dont have a license or car because family wouldnt let me practise when i did have permits and i certainly can't afford the $12k a year it costs to own a car in Cali, let alone to purchase one. I cant work but im not disabled enough to be legally disabled. Certainly wouldnt be able to afford to live in this area/county even if i could do some work beyond an occasional online resale, which sucks because this is where my tribe is and i just wish this area was a better fit for me. Just doing things around the house is what caused my back to go out in the first place and now its a chronic fucking issue, and i can barely walk to the mailbox or do grocery shopping. Its not safe for me to live alone either, probably, even tho i cant handle living with roommates because im too asocial for them.

Im so sick of everything. Why do i have to be blamed for the electricity. Im an artist and apparently using the skills i spent 4 years learning at college and countless hours improving on my own is using too much electricity if i turn on my computer to participate in a week of a drawing challenge. What if i had a fucking work from home job?? (Not like that would ever happen, grandpa wouldnt choose the cheaper and faster internet plan i told him to go with and instead chose a more expensive plan with a different company that has a data cap, so now it sucks for no reason other than that he doesnt want to take advice from either a woman or a young person! [Im not a woman but he doesnt know that]). I cant even try to apply for any kind of work from home job bc of the internet. Its hard enough trying to make a call over data, having to put it on speakerphone and reach my phone against my room window while i lean over the counter. I was already unemployed before the pandemic due to the same mental health issues i havent stopped suffering from.

I wish that i wanted to live and do better for myself but whats the fucking point any more. I dont even want to live. I have no fucking reason to. At all. Im only alive bc there's no good way to die. Every day i think about how much i wish i didnt exist. It sucks and theres no fucking treatment that works. Therapy probably helps but its not making improvements for me when there are too many things out of my control making my life completely fucking miserable, its just damage reduction at this point.

I even exercise. Often. Despite the pain in my back and everywhere else. It does not help when i have fibromyalgia. Im in extreme pain even with the lightest exercise. But ive been exercising since the last endo flare up in fucking march in the hopes itll make my next endo flare up a little less worse if im stronger. Who knows if its working. Guess ill find out after the end of this month. God im so fucking scared.

I dont want to do anything rn im just so fucking miserable. But now my room is heating up since its the end of the day and im sweating too much to keep lying in bed being miserable. Idk what im gonna do. Besides ignore the ideation and knowledge about where my sharp objects are. I was working on sewing but i lost steam because of grandpa blaming me for the electricity sending me down a spiral. As if im not already doing enough cleaning up the whole fucking house and trying to prevent mold growth from the leak he caused and then laughed it off and wouldnt help me move (not my) furniture to prevent water damage.

Fuck i still have to measure the carpet padding so i can buy more later. At least the carpet itself is safe. Its getting dark out and i threw that padding shit outside and forgot about it last week so i dont wanna deal with measuring that right now. Ugh.

What do i even do when im too fucking depressed to do anything at all?? No one fucking prepares you for how fucking miserable being alive actually is.

[fraener]

2/27/23

im drinking some tea that tastes like oatmeal with syrup in it. it’s chai and chestnut tea together with a bit of milk and sugar. last night i made lamb chili and watched a movie from my childhood. i really liked the message of it, i remember it didnt take off quite as big as other childrens movies at the time and i think its cause it had a very clear but convoluted storyline revolving childhood trauma and building resilience from an understanding that things always change and move and the future may be better. this morning i just read something about children being outside of the time conception of adults and how we force them to see and feel time the way we do as they grow up. ive been wondering if time moves so quickly for us because there are so little joyous surprises. all of the surprise is reserved for accidents, illness, death, bad news. our days are too carefully planned by ourselves- children have most things planned for them and we do our best to give children enjoyable and kind experiences. i wonder if things would be different if we treated one another with the compassion we have for children. i also wonder if things would be different if people surprised one another with joyous things more often as well. it shouldnt be rare to hear that someones partner or friend planned a whole day(only just a day) just for them, full of things they thought they’d like and all of it a surprise. children get that every day. im often convinced i knew just as much when i was a child as i do now. it feels like the other wrench in the machine is knowing too much about people. i used to know much more about the smaller animals and plants and things and i felt more like i could be on their time. less responsibility then or more forgiving responsibility so i could do things at my own time was something different as well. i havent been trying to juggle everything for very long, only a couple of years, but i really dont like having so much responsibility. im not sure that anyone does. i want to relearn surprise and find ways to live in which i dont have to “carve out time” from my day. i dont want to live with time anymore and i think id feel a lot better about it if it wasnt so engrained in me at this point. I shouldnt be able to guess the time down to a 5 minute range at any given moment. i remember some of the days going fast when i was a child and some of them going really slow. i dont actually think that time felt like it moved slower then or necessarily that it feels like its getting faster now, i think im just being forced to pay way more attention to it than i used to. this week some of the days have gone really slowly and some of them have gone really quickly. time passes much faster when youre deep in thought or in rest or in a project. time passes slowly when youve got a lot of things to do. i think it might be about finding contrast or ways to build contrast so the different types of time feel more varietal. and to find people who will surprise you. its been snowing on and off the last couple of days between the rain and the freezing. im nearing the end of the quarter, the buds on the oak are getting fat and anxious, ive been hearing the finches rehearsing their spring songs. i feel very clearly that the thing missing from my life is attention to the right things- attention to detail, attention and trust in joy, attention to time moving slowly. a lot of me is consumed by other things. i want to divert my attention away from my obsessive thoughts and cycles. i know this ocd flareup isnt about the food at all. it has nothing to do with food. i think thats just something my parts decided they could control. i think school and the emotional fallout from being in a big abusive relationship and then several smaller, sometimes more disrespectful relationships has really sent me spiraling. i think i need to focus on figuring out what exactly i >can< control. 

[synnthamonsugar]

Okay who had "20 tons of space junk making an uncontrolled reentry potentially over major population centers" on their 2020/2021 Cataclysm Bingo card?????

[hermiones-amortentia]

This is for people who think Ron and Hermione had no intellectual debates or Ron can't stimulate her intellectually. Here their intellectual debates in the books-

1. House elves

“They’re hats for house-elves,” she said briskly, now stuffing her books back into her bag. “I did them over the summer. I’m a really slow knitter without magic, but now I’m back at school I should be able to make lots more.”

“You’re leaving out hats for the house-elves?” said Ron slowly. “And you’re covering them up with rubbish first?”

“Yes,” said Hermione defiantly, swinging her bag onto her back.

“That’s not on,” said Ron angrily. “You’re trying to trick them into picking up the hats. You’re setting them free when they might not want to be free.”

Ron is the only one that confronts Hermione about SPEW and really engages into it (So that its clear: Hermione defends that the elves should be free at all costs, Ron says they should be aware and included in this choice = two points of view, both defended = intellectual debate)

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2. Discussing the ministry

“It could be a frame-up!” Ron exclaimed excitedly. “No — listen!”

he went on, dropping his voice dramatically at the threatening look on Hermione’s face. “The Ministry suspects he’s one of Dumbledore’s lot so — I dunno — they lured him to the Ministry, and he wasn’t trying to get through a door at all! Maybe they’ve just made something up to get him!”

There was a pause while Harry and Hermione considered this.

Harry thought it seemed far-fetched; Hermione, on the other hand, looked rather impressed and said, “Do you know, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if that were true.”

Ron =shows how it could have been a frame-up and presents evidence; Hermione =considers his side and changes her mind; they were discussing something and reached an agreement over facts = intellectual

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3. In the creation of the DA, we see Harry behaving quite emotionally (understandable but this does not qualify, using your definition, as intellectual). Ron and Hermione make their case for why he should be the teacher and basically organize the entire thing themselves

“Let’s think,” he said, pulling a face like Goyle concentrating. “Uh . . .

first year — you saved the Stone from You-Know-Who.”

‘ “But that was luck,” said Harry, “that wasn’t skil —”

“Second year,” Ron interrupted, “you killed the basilisk and destroyed Riddle.”

“Yeah, but if Fawkes hadn’t turned up I —”

“Third year,” said Ron, louder still, “you fought off about a hundred dementors at once —”

“Ron and I have been sounding out people who we thought might want to learn some proper Defense Against the Dark Arts, and there are a couple who seem interested. We’ve told them to meet us in Hogsmeade”

Hermione and Ron recruited and organized everything for the DA

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4. Discussing Dumbledore and Snape

“I did think he might be a bit better this year,” said Hermione in a disappointed voice. “I mean . . . you know . . .” She looked carefully around; there were half a dozen empty seats on either side of them and nobody was passing the table. “. . . Now he’s in the Order and everything.”

“Poisonous toadstools don’t change their spots,” said Ron sagely.”

“Anyway, I’ve always thought Dumbledore was cracked trusting Snape, where’s the evidence he ever really stopped working for You-Know-Who?”

“I think Dumbledore’s probably got plenty of evidence”

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5. Sirius death

They stayed together in the Hospital Wing for weeks and it can be correctly inferred that this was discussed given their behavior towards Harry

“Ron and Hermione left the hospital wing completely cured three days before the end of term. Hermione showed signs of wanting to talk about Sirius, but Ron tended to make hushing noises every time she mentioned his name”

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6. Mad-Eye’s death and the 7 Potters mission

“Oh, Ron’s mum forgot that she asked Ginny and me to change the sheets yesterday,” said Hermione. She threw Numerology and Grammatica onto one pile and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts onto the other.

“We were just talking about Mad-Eye,” Ron told Harry.

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7. Hermione’s parents and the Ghoul (they planned and prepared for the mission together)

“Didn’t realize that Ron and I know perfectly well what might happen if we come with you? Well, we do. Ron, show Harry what you’ve done.”

“Nah, he’s just eaten,” said Ron.

“Go on, he needs to know!”

“Oh, all right. Harry, come here.”

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8. How to destroy Horcruxes

“Hang on,” said Ron, frowning. “The bit of soul in that diary was possessing Ginny, wasn’t it? How does that work, then?”

“While the magical container is still intact, the bit of soul inside it can flit in and out of someone if they get too close to the object. I don’t mean holding it for too long, it’s nothing to do with touching it,” she added before Ron could speak. “I mean close emotionally. Ginny poured her heart out into that diary, she made herself incredibly vulnerable. You’re in trouble if you get too fond of or dependent on the Horcrux.”

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9. Hallows x Horcruxes

“Well, I don’t suppose it matters,” sighed Hermione. “Even if he was being honest, I never heard such a lot of nonsense in all my life.”

“Hang on, though,” said Ron. “The Chamber of Secrets was supposed to be a myth, wasn’t it?”

“But the Deathly Hallows can’t exist, Ron!”

“You keep saying that, but one of them can,” said Ron. “Harry’s Invisibility Cloak —”

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10. Formulating a plan to keep Hermione safe

“Ron glanced at Hermione, then said, “What if purebloods and half-bloods swear a Muggle-born’s part of their family? I’ll tell everyone Hermione’s my cousin —”

Hermione covered Ron’s hand with hers and squeezed it.

“Thank you, Ron, but I couldn’t let you —”

“You won’t have a choice,” said Ron fiercely, gripping her hand back. “I’ll teach you my family tree so you can answer questions on it.

Hermione gave a shaky laugh.

“Ron, as we’re on the run with Harry Potter, the most wanted person in the country, I don’t think it matters. If I was going back to school it would be different. What’s Voldemort planning for Hogwarts?” she asked Lupin.”

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11. Off page discussion

“What’s happened?” Ron asked apprehensively. He and Hermione had been poring over a sheaf of scribbled notes and hand-drawn maps that littered the end of the long kitchen table, but now they watched Harry as he strode toward them and threw down the newspaper on top of their scattered parchment.”

12. Off page (2)

“You can’t tell me you’ve stopped having funny dreams,” Hermione said now, “because Ron told me last night you were muttering in your sleep again. . . .”

Harry threw Ron a furious look. Ron had the grace to look ashamed of himself.

“You were only muttering a bit,” he mumbled apologetically.”

Yet another evidence of their connection and off-page discussions

“Neither Ron nor Hermione spoke, but Harry felt sure that they were looking at each other behind his back, communicating silently.”

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Ron and Hermione have emotional AND intellectual discussions throughout the series. So if you think Ron can't stimulate her intellectually you havent read the books. 😊

[kaz11283]

46. “I’m in love…shit” with Loki. If you are still wanting requests. No pressure your stuff is amazing!

46) I'm In Love....Shit

I think I'm in Love

Summary: you and Loki spend some time together, later while talking to Thor in their mothers garden Loki comes to realize that he is absolutly in love with you.

Announcement: I havent been very with it these past few days and I feel like I have been slacking in a way. I have been so busy that by the time I finally get home and I am able to relax a pass out because I am so tired. I am trying to get better at this though and I am trykng ro work out a schedule for Fire and Ice maybe set a day of the week for that and just do requests durimg the rest of the week. I love you all and thank you so much for the love that you guys give me!!! 💚💚💚💚

~~~~~

"Darling! It was absolutly hilarious." Loki laughted looking down at you.

"It was not and you know that very well Loki!" You said reaching up pulling a twig from your hair. You and Loki had decided to go out and ride since it was a pretty spring day and there was nothing else to do.

"Come here and let me help you." He pulled you to a stop so that he could help pull leaves and twigs from your hair. "You should have held on tighter." He smiled pulling the last of it from yojr hair.

"You should mot have slapped her tonmake her run off, Mr. Mischief." You said playfully smacking him on the arm.

"Watch yourself my dove." He warned stalking over to you.

"Oh what are you going to do about it Mr. Trickster?" You laughed pulling up you dress so you could take a few steps back. "This whole prowling thing doesnt intimidate me like it does your other fair maidens." You laughed loudly. He stopped and stared at you.

"My Lady y/n for you to think there are other besides you I would rather spend my time with." He placed a hand on his heart. "Why, you are absolutly right." He took off after you while you squealed with delight and ran away.

You ran from him up one of the paths that lead between the orchard and the castle walls. There were hidding spots all through there were the two of you use to hid when you were younger, the tall bushes being the perfect hidding spot to keep out of view from him. As you two chased and played you didnt realize there were two others observing.

Thor and Frigga warches from the balcony of her quarters as the sounds of screaming and laughing rose to them.

"How long do you think it will take for them to realize how in love they truly are?" Thor turned to his mother.

"Son, they have been doing this same song and dance now since before they were teenagers. Sometimes it takes a while for somethingblike that to become obvious." She answered leaning onto the rail.

"It is very obvious to others." Thor was happy that Loki had you but he knew that his brother wanted more he could tell by the way his eyes would light up when you were around.

"Though it is obvious to us it may not be as obvious to them. They are simply best friends that spend every hour of every day together." She sighed. She had taken you in and had let you start training with the other ladies working on how to be a princess.

"I dont understand allmother why I should start these. I am not fit to be a princess." You stated after your first class.

"But one day you will be. You may even rule over the kingdom." She said with a knowing smile.

"Thor, call for your brother please, it is time to start preparing for the banquet tonight." She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave a final look down to the garden where you and Loki where laughing loudly after he had caught you.

"Yes mother." Thor walked off.

"Loki! Mother wanted to let you know its time to start gettkng ready for tonight." Thor yelled through the garden trying to find the two of you.

"Ah, Lady Y/N, will You be joining the festivities tonight?" Thor bowed to you.

"Yes, I do hope you save a dance for me, will you Thor?" I asked smiling up at the blonde prince.

"As long as Loki doesn't stab me for it, I would love nothing more Lady Y/n." He took your hand and kissed the top of it.

"I shall see you both later." You curtsied and walked away.

"Brother," Thor smiled placing a hand on his brothers shoulder. "Does my eyes deceive me or could you possibly have a crush on Lady y/n?"

Loki moaned looking at Thor. "For the thousandth time, I do not have a crush on her. She is my best friend, someone I can talk to. Vent to when everything in the castle is just to much."

"Then I guess it would not bother you to bad to know that Fandral has asked if she would be attending tonight." This caused Loki to stumble slightly. "Said that if she wasnt escourted by anyone he could possibly have a chance to 'get to know her tonight'."

"Y/n wouldnt give that oaf the time of day much less attend anything with him. She has more class than that i dare say." Loki rolled his eyes.

"Well he hasnt asked her yet. Saod he figured he would wait till tonight and just meet her there. Said he couldnt wait to see just how pretty she looked." Thor gave Loki a sode ways glance and smirked.

"She can do so much better than him. She has better taste in book, though I doubt that he can even read," he tutted, "more grace, she is a wonderful listener, and he cant even dance that well." Loki stopped in front of his chamber doors.

"Loki, is that jealousy that i am sensing from you?" Thor raised an eye brow.

"By Norns, no Thor. It is not. I simply worry that she will be stuck with him the rest of the night and not be able to get away from him." He opened his door and walked inside his room. His heart was pounding, he did feel jealous. He was jealous that the time he would normally be spending with you would be spent with someone else. The only smart thing for him to do was to get ready and meet you.at your quarters so that he could escort you there and keep Fandral away from you. Of course time wouldnt work in his favor that night.

When you had arrived at your chambers you noticed a box with a note on top of it with Thors messy handwriting.

Lady y/n, I decided to take the liberty and pick out a simple dress for you for tonight. Though I realize that you must already have one but when I had seen this one I knew that i had to get it for you. I know the one you chose must be just as beautiful as you are i would greatfully appreciate it if youncould wear this one.

You rolled your eyes at thw thought of Thor picking out a dress for you, red and gold, he is by no means quarting you butnhe would do that type of thing just to get under Loki s skin.

When you opened the box the first thing you noticed was a beautiful golden chain that you assumed would go around your head, with an emerald that would sit lightly between your eyes. You removed more of the paper and noticed the dark green hues from the dress, when you pulled it from the box you noticed that the skirt hit midthight and the sleeves had cuts in them the material hanging from your shoulders to the ground. Next to the box was yet another note feom Thor.

Just go with it and lets see how you like it, the matching shoes are shoved under your bed. Dont worry thank me later by dancing with me.

You could see his face in your mind, picture him winking at you. You would surly kill him for this, or at least step on his feet.

After you finished pulling your hair half up and half down with a few braids falling from the side and finished your makeup you took a deep breath and stepped out of the door. You didnt understand why you were nervous but you were, its wasnt like you had never wore green before but this time it was different, this time there was nothing but green. It looked as if you were trying to say something.

You had always liked Loki, you has been friends since you were kids. Loki was your best friend, he was kind, caring, giving, compassionate in things that he truly cared about. You could talk to him about anything and he would listen, what you loved more than anything isnthat when he was with you all of his guards were down, you were the only one that got to see that side of him. You knew in your head though that he would see it as a compliment from his best friend as he sanced the night away with numerous other girls vying for his attention.

"You look....lovely?" Fendrel glanced at you as you walked into the dinning hall. "Might I be lucky to have a dance before you are snagged away by one of the princes?"

"Of course you may." You smiled holding your hand out to him. "You have always been a good lead Fandrel."

He took you spinning you onto the dance floor were some couples parted to make room for the two of you. He placed his hand on your lower back and pulled you closer to him. "You are quite a beautiful woman Lady Y/n, any man is lucky to be able to spin you around the floor." You blushed looking away from him, as you scaned the room you noticed Thor and Loki quietly talking to themselves. Loki looked handsome in his royal outfit, black and gold elegantly intertwining woth each other causing the emerald green to pop and to being ojt his eyes.

"Honestly brother, if she had planned on coming with him why did she have to wear my color? She knows by now what that stated." Loki rolled his eyes looking back to you and Fandral twirling around the dance floor.

"Maybe she didnt think much about it. You do realize that it is simply a color? There are many others here wearing it also." Thor said grabbing two glasses of wine and handing one to Loki.

"You truly are an idiot if you that she just so happened to pick out something like that, that just so happened to be my color. She wanted to make a statement." He handed his glass back to Thor and walked down the few steps leading to where you were dancing not noticing the small smile on Thors face.

"You know you are just as mischievous as your brother." Frigga came to stand beside him causing him to jump.

"Mother, I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Of course you dont son, just be careful, you could possibly be playong with fire on this one. Once they find out it was you setting this all up there no telling what they might do." Thors face dropped at the thought of the two of you teaming up aginst him.

~~~~~~~

ANNOUNCEMENT: OK Annon, I havent put the "I think I'm in love" prompt in this one because in all honesty this one I got carried away on and it was getting so long! I am making a part 2 and will add the link in once I am finished with it, i may actually have time today or tonight to start on it. Thank you so so much for the request and I love that it actually took me away and I didnt even realize how much I had wrote until I looked at it this morning! Keep an eye out for part 2 coming soon!!!

TAG LIST:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

@drbaureid

[and-it-freezes-me]

Little Red Lies - Chapter 1

Or, AUgust 2021 Day 10 - Fake Dating

{Next}

Words: 5,439

[Booked tckts yet? virge wants 2 check u still need 2 places 4 reception dinner]

Trash Rat 22:57

[cant w8 2 meet ur new ~date~]

Trash Rat 22:58

Roman stared at the messages for several long seconds, then groaned.

[Of course I booked tickets. Yes I still need the +1 seat.]

Roman 23:04

[cant believe u havent even sent a pic or yk a name]

Trash Rat 23:06

[no shame if ur still </3 ovr remy]

Trash Rat 23:06

[even tho its been 2 yrs now]

Trash Rat 23:07

[Of course I’m over remy. You’ll meet my boyfriend when we get there. He’s shy.]

Roman 23:07

Roman seriously considered throwing his phone across the room and booking a plane ticket to Alaska rather than Manhattan. That way, he wouldn’t have to go to his brother’s wedding and admit that he was most definitely single and most definitely not over his ex boyfriend (of seventeen months - two years was an unfair exaggeration).

[u kno virge h8s not knowing whos coming to his wedding right]

Trash Rat 23:10

[I know, I know, I’ll apologise as soon as we get there. He’ll be first to meet my bf, promise.]

Roman 23:11

[book ur fuckin plane tckts ro, I know u didnt do it yet]

Trash Rat 23:11

Roman threw his phone across the room.

It bounced off of his Heathers poster and landed on his desk, which was covered in scripts, textbooks, empty takeout containers, balled up bits of paper, crumpled drinks cans, and pens, and Roman buried his face in his pillow and groaned.

Ten months ago, Roman’s sister had flown down to Los Angeles, dragged Roman out of bed and announced that he was actually Roman’s brother. Almost sooner than Roman had been able to take this in stride, Virgil had added that he was marrying his boyfriend in December and would Roman mind being one of his groomsmen? While Roman was still reeling from the bombshell that was the fact that their gremlin of an elder brother Remus was Virgil’s best man, Virgil had leaned forward and asked if Roman was doing alright because he couldn’t help but notice that his dorm room resembled ‘the result of an explosive going off in a pigsty’.

Roman had blinked dumbly at him, nodded, and then started pressing for details about Virgil’s wedding. Eventually, his brother had promised that he’d get Patton, his fiance, to call Roman to discuss every detail, from location to napkin frills, and Roman felt that he had managed to avoid the topic of how he was doing.

When he and Remy had first broken up, midway through last July, Roman had gone to pieces. He had spent the end of the summer holiday between his first and second years locked in his room and listening to the same few songs on loop until Virgil, who was three years older and had been packing his things to move into his new apartment, had put his fist through the wall between their rooms. Then Roman had put his headphones on. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that he was too uncivilised to appreciate the wonders of ‘Michael In The Bathroom’, ‘Someone You Loved’, or ‘Impossible’, after all.

Then Roman had gone back to university, where he had tried to drown himself in reading for his degree, and instead ended up sleeping through lectures after all-night crying sessions. He had tried to submerge himself in his essays and instead ended up daydreaming about his ex-boyfriend in study sessions. He had tried to get involved in theatre productions, but every audition had gone sour, and he often ended up thinking about the few times he and Remy had met up over the previous year rather than learning his lines.

Everyone had said that long distance relationships would be hard, but Roman, the romantic fool that he was, had insisted that they could do it.

They couldn’t.

Eight months ago, nine months after the two of them had broken up, two months after Virgil had announced his wedding plans, Remus and his partner had flown into Los Angeles and tried to stage an intervention. This had involved Remus trying to seduce the campus security guard and almost getting reported to the police (Roman had always insisted that his mustache only made him look sketchy), followed by Janus sneaking past the pair of them and into the building. Remus had somehow managed to join him moments later, and the two of them had somehow made their way up to Roman’s floor without alerting anyone else of their presence.

Roman had been woken by a furious hammering at his bedroom door at a little after four in the morning, and had to wade through a mess of papers and laundry to find that the two of them had knocked on every single door on his corridor, unable to remember which was his. He had not been popular with his dormmates the next day.

Their intervention had involved sitting on Roman’s bed and sharing the leftover pizza that had been on Roman’s desk for the last three days, and telling him to wash the dirty clothes all over his floor. Then they had tried to persuade him to accompany them to a bar to hook him up with somebody, and Roman had quickly concluded that the pair was somewhat drunk.

He had vehemently refused, and when Janus had eventually rolled onto his back, dark hair dangling off the edge of the bed and onto the sticky patch of carpet that Roman had spilled soda on three weeks ago, he practically whined that Roman was being very difficult when all they were doing was trying to help him.

“Trying to help me? You’ve disturbed the people I live with at fuck-o’clock in the morning! I have class tomorrow!” Roman was sat at his desk chair, trying very hard to ignore the stack of textbooks he was supposed to have read and hadn’t.

Remus rested a hand on Janus’ hip to stop him from rolling off the bed, and raised a lazy eyebrow at him. “Cut the bullshit, little bro. We all know you haven’t been to class in… How long, Jan?”

“Two months, three weeks, and four days,” Janus sing-songed.

“How the fuck do you know that?” It sounded about right, anyway, and Roman had a feeling that if he denied it this would just take even longer. He spun around in his chair and picked up a pen from his desk. “It’s my business if I don’t go to class.”

“Called my sister. Jannie takes all your classes, you know…” There was the sound of shifting fabric, and when Roman glanced back, Janus was sitting up and tucked under Remus’ arm again, looking very much as though Remus had just placed him there.

“You’re right, Ro. It’s not my business if you’re not going to class.” One of Remus’ hands trailed slowly up and down Janus’ arm, so casually Roman could almost believe that his brother didn’t realise he was doing it. “But it is my business that my little brother isn’t taking care of himself anymore. You haven’t answered my calls since before winter break. You obviously haven’t been eating healthily - this pizza tastes like you fished it out of the garbage, by the way, and I would know - and you look as though you haven’t seen the sunlight since last July.”

The assessment wasn’t quite fair. Roman might have been skipping classes, but it wasn’t as though he had just been lying in his room and wasting away! “I went to the gym last week. And I auditioned for the musical in March. I’m fine, Remus! Can I go to bed now?”

“No! We’re going to a club!”

Janus had nodded enthusiastically at Remus’ words, then rested his head on his partner’s shoulder as Roman shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to go to a club. I want to go to bed. I have class tomorrow.”

“Nope.” Remus’ hand rose to tangle absently in Janus’ hair. “We’re going to a club, and you’re gonna find some hottie to fuck all the yearning for Remy right out of you. Then you’ll feel much better!”

“You’re pulling my ha-”

“Fuck no. We’re not doing that.” Roman pressed his palms into his eyes, then stood up and jerked his door open. “Can you go now?”

“Give me one good reason why you getting laid is a bad thing right now, Ro, and we’ll leave.” Roman had gotten as far as opening his mouth before Remus interrupted. “See? You can’t. You need to move on, man. Clinging to Remy is clearly unh-”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“-ealthy, and- What?”

Maybe it was because it was four in the morning. Maybe it was because Roman hadn’t been sleeping well anyway, and Remus had managed to step on the last of his fraying nerves. Maybe it was just because he wished it was true.

“I have a boyfriend,” Roman repeated, and felt a strange sense of satisfaction at the obvious shock on Janus’ usually impassive face. “Three months. Met just after term started. It’s pretty serious, actually.”

“Bullshit.” Remus looked half impressed.

Now it was irritation that flickered through Roman. Was it really so unbelievable that he could have found somebody else? “It’s not.”

“You fucked yet?”

“Remus…” There was a warning note in Janus’ voice, and Remus sighed.

“None of my business. Got it. Do we get to meet him?”

“He’s shy.”

“Which is another way of saying he doesn’t exist.”

“Asshole. It’s another way of saying that it’s four in the fucking morning and he’s asleep. You’ll meet him at the wedding, anyway - I’m going to ask him to be my plus one when Patton sends out the RSVP date.” The words had been out of his mouth before he had had time to regret them, and Roman had spent the last eight months trying to sidestep questions about his non-existent boyfriend.

He had later found out that Remus and Janus hadn’t really come down to see him. They had gone to Los Angeles to celebrate their two year wedding anniversary and decided they might drop in while in the area. (Just because they had eloped rather than holding a big party, Janus had commented idly, didn’t mean they couldn’t celebrate it).

But now it was December, and Roman was partner-less and running out of excuses. His lie had gotten out of control, and he had ended up asking Patton and Virgil to include his partner in the guest numbers. He had invented dates they had been on for his mother when she had asked, and he insisted that his boyfriend was shy and had practically no internet presence anyway, so knowing his name wouldn’t help anybody.

He could just say that the two of them had broken up and go home alone, of course.

But that would mean disrupting the meticulous wedding seating plan Virgil and Patton had been making for months.

Besides, Roman was fairly certain that nobody in his family really believed in his mystery boyfriend, and failure to produce one after months of insisting that they would meet… Well, he didn’t want to open himself to that sort of ridicule.

Of course, it didn’t look as though he had much choice.

He hadn’t managed to make many friends at college.

In his first year, Roman had spent a lot of time trying to keep on top of his schoolwork and working toward the various theatre productions the school had put on; all of his free time he had spent planning dates for when he and Remy finally visited one another, or else video calling his boyfriend. There simply hadn’t been time to make many friends during that.

His second year… Well, Remus had been right. He had spent most of his time in his room, eating junk food, watching sappy romance films, and missing Remy.

So far, he had spent his third year trying to bring his grades back up to something more respectable… And missing Remy.

He knew it was pathetic. It had been almost a year and a half since they had broken up, and he still missed being able to call someone to talk about nothing at all at two in the morning, missed planning extravagant dates, missed the feel of hands in his hair and lips on his.

At least his floor was cleaner than it had been last year. And he had eaten slightly less fast food this semester than the previous one.

Roman’s phone chimed again. With a frustrated groan, he made his way over to his desk.

[Looking forward to seeing you on Monday!!! <3 <3 <3 !!!]

Pops 23:25

Patton.

[Me too, Padre! I’ll bring some of that fudge from the shop you love!]

Roman 23:26

[eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <33333333 Can you get some of the currents+salt? Vee loved it last time + I want to surprise him]

Pops 23:26

[Will do. Looking forward to seeing you too!]

Roman 23:27

Patton would probably be the most understanding if Roman decided to come clean about his lying - but Patton was the worst secret keeper Roman had ever met. He and Virgil had been dating for almost three years, and in that time the thin voice actor had managed to spill every single plot twist in every single show he had watched or acted in. Roman had no doubt that Virgil would know that he was bringing home fudge within the next hour. If he admitted to Patton that he had been lying about having a date for the wedding, Roman would get Patton’s kind - if confused - reassurances, and half an hour later he would get the mixture of mockery and horrible pity that would come with the rest of his family finding out that he still wasn’t over Remy.

Roman let his phone slip through his fingers and land on his desk once more. Three days, and then he’d have to come clean - until then, he could just avoid thinking about it. Collecting the overflowing basket from the corner of the room (he had been putting off doing laundry for a while now), Roman left his room and headed toward the building’s basement laundry room. Term had finished last week and it was almost midnight - he doubted anybody would be down there now. Most people had probably already gone home, or were making the most of the free time to go out rather than spend it doing chores.

The light was off in the basement when he got there, so Roman left it that way as he loaded his clothing into one of the machines.

Moving around in the dark was far more of a Virgil move than a Roman one, but he couldn’t help himself. There was something comforting about the-

“Sweet fucking Shakespeare!” Roman’s hand flew up to cover his eyes as light burst through the small room, quickly followed by the strong smell of coffee.

“Sorry! I was unaware that there would be anybody in here.” As Roman dropped his hand, blinking owlishly in the sudden light, the newcomer made his way over to the machine on the far side of the room from him. “Most people prefer not to fumble around in the dark.”

Remus or Remy would have made some comment about how fumbling around in the dark could be quite fun really. Roman just shrugged. “It’s been a long day.”

He had expected the other man to say something; instead, silence fell over the room, broken only by the sound of the powder tray being opened, filled, and closed again.

Roman didn’t mean to stare, but he couldn’t help it. He had seen the person in the room next to him only twice so far this term, and only knew his name because the mailroom was organised by room number rather than alphabetically, and the name Roman Prince was right next to Logan Ursa.

Logan looked more tired than he had on either of the other times Roman had seen him. There were deep bags under his eyes, the shadows almost deeper than Virgil’s had been at the height of his eyeliner experiments, and the black ponytail that hung halfway to his waist was missing, replaced with what could only be described as a thicket of tangled hair. It looked as though he had been outside even less than Roman had in the past few months: his skin was so pale it seemed to glow under the fluorescent laundry-room lights. There was a steaming mug and a thick book on the lid of the machine beside him, and Roman had the strong feeling that it wasn’t the first coffee Logan had had that evening.

The washing machine Logan had been loading began to rumble, and as the other student straightened up and picked up his book, Roman made himself duck back down to finish his own task.

He’d have to come back to collect his clothing later - Roman suddenly regretted deciding to get this done now, when it meant he would have to return at almost two in the morning, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now.

“Do you want me to leave the light on?” He was more trying to make conversation than anything else: Logan was perched on one of the machines in the corner, nose already buried in what Roman could now see was a heavy medical textbook.

“Obviously.” 

Yeah, he probably should have guessed that.

-

Logan was still in the laundry room when Roman returned to collect his clothing two hours later. He was still sat on the same machine, although now he was speaking into his phone in what sounded like rapid Italian. (It definitely wasn’t Spanish: Roman was almost fluent in Spanish). (The languages were similar, but although he could guess at a few words, he had no idea what was going on). (Not that he was eavesdropping, of course). Logan’s hair was even messier than it had been before, and out of the corner of his eye Roman caught him jerking his free hand through it once or twice.

Roman pulled his now-warm and dry clothing from the machine and dumped it into his laundry basket, doing his best to ignore the way Logan was practically shouting behind him, but couldn’t stop himself from startling at the wordless, frustrated yell that came from the taller man a few minutes later. He was halfway to the door, but paused and glanced at Logan, who was stuffing his phone angrily into the oversized hoodie he was wearing.

“Everything okay over there?”

“Family stuff,” came the snappish response. Roman watched for a few seconds as Logan knelt in front of his own machine and began jerking clothing from it, folding pants as though he wished he were ripping them to pieces instead, then throwing several dark shirts over his shoulder and stalking over to one of the ironing stations.

“Pretty loud family stuff,” Roman commented, then wondered why he was bothering. It had been clear from his first meeting with Logan that the other student wasn’t there to make friends: Roman had been carrying a large cardboard box into his room the day he had moved in, and bumped into him in the hallway. Logan had looked him up and down, said something like, “Keep the volume down. I’m here to work,” and marched past him as though Roman were no more interesting than a hat stand.

Sure enough, Logan didn’t turn to face him, instead ironing a shirt in a manner that strongly hinted that he wanted to make it beg for mercy. “None of your business family stuff.”

“Are you-”

“None. Of your. Business.” This time, Logan actually did glance over his shoulder, and fixed Roman with a scowl that suggested that if he didn’t drop it, his face was going to be the next thing under the iron.

Roman left quickly. He had done his best to be friendly, and if Logan wasn’t interested, that was his problem. He didn’t seem like the sort of person Roman would really want to be friends with anyway.

Logan’s haggard expression lingered in his mind as he made his way back up to his dorm room and began stuffing his now-clean clothes into his wardrobe. He should probably start packing - his suitcase was sitting open and empty against one wall - but he had plenty of time.

Besides, he was exhausted.

Roman had changed into a pair of sweatpants and gotten into bed by the time he heard the door to the room next to his slam shut. Clearly, Logan was still annoyed by whatever ‘family stuff’ had had him first yelling into his phone and then taking his frustration out on his laundry and somebody trying to be friendly.

How long could Logan hold a grudge? Was he the kind of person who would calm down after a couple of hours of sleep, or would whatever he had been arguing about be hanging over him for the next week or so? That would make the winter break uncomfortable…

Or maybe he wasn’t going home. He had looked pretty invested in the textbook he had been studying earlier, despite it being almost midnight and no longer termtime. Maybe Logan was going to stay in the dorms over the winter break and use the hours without lectures for private study.

That sounded like a lonely way to spend the next three weeks.

The idea struck Roman suddenly, and he sat bolt upright in bed, the kind of elation that only comes with golden inspiration coursing through him. He would persuade Logan to come back home with him for the holidays! If Janus took it to mind to ask Janine about him, she’d be able to verify that Logan didn’t socialise much; all he would have to do would be show up briefly for the wedding, and he could spend the remainder of the holiday studying all he wanted, away from ‘family stuff’!

He would ask Logan the following morning, and when he agreed, Roman would book the plane tickets home - he’d pay, of course. Or rather, he’d use the money his mother had sent him so that he could bring his fictional boyfriend home. Either way, Logan wouldn’t have to spend any money himself!

Laying back down, Roman pulled his thin blanket back up to his neck and rolled onto his side, satisfaction warming him more thoroughly than any hot drink could.

This was the best idea he’d ever had.

-

“That is the worst idea I have ever heard.” Logan glanced into the hallway over Roman’s shoulder as though expecting an audience for a practical joke. “I cannot believe you have wasted my time listening to you.”

“Is… That a maybe?” Roman tilted his head and gave Logan his best puppy eyes.

Alas, Logan’s heart must have been made of stone. “No.” He made to slam the door.

Well, Roman couldn’t have that. It had been difficult enough to get Logan to even open the door in the first place, and harder still to get him to listen beyond the initial “I need you to do me a huge favour, okay, but it works out for you too.” In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have led with that. But then he had explained, and for some reason Logan was still trying to close the door on him.

“Ow!”

“That was entirely your fault.”

“You just slammed the door on my foot!”

“You did put your foot there after I had begun closing the door. My point stands.”

Technically, Logan was correct, but Roman wasn’t there to quibble over technicalities. “You got the part where I’d pay for your flights, right? All you have to do is show up for one day in something resembling formalwear, and in return you get rent free accommodation and food all holiday! Plus company!”

“I have too much to do to pretend to be your boyfriend for three weeks for no reason. Find somebody else.” Logan made to close the door again, and this time Roman caught it with his hand.

“There is nobody else!” Roman was aware that he was beginning to sound desperate. “You’re like, the only person I know!”

“That sounds like your personal problem, not mine.” Several strands of hair had fallen from the impressive tangle around Logan’s ears and into his face, and he blew them out of the way. His breath smelled like coffee - bitter coffee. Roman wrinkled his nose. “Let go of my door.”

“Come on, Logan! What else are you going to be doing this holiday?”

“Studying! I have exams to pass!”

“You can study at my place. You won’t have to pay holiday rent there!”

“I won’t have to pay holiday rent if I go to my mom’s place, either! Let go of my door!”

Roman finally pulled his aching foot out of the way, but didn’t remove his hand from the wood. “You don’t want to go back to your mom’s place, though, do you? The phonecall -”

The glare that Logan sent him could have frozen the insides of a volcano, and his voice was suddenly cold enough to make Roman shiver. “Good day, Roman.” This time, Roman jerked his hand out of the way, and the door snapped shut in his face.

Shit. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to use Logan’s ‘family stuff’ against him. He made a note of that for future reference, then hammered against the door again.

“Please, Logan!”

Silence.

“I’ll be forever in your debt!”

More silence. Maybe Logan would prefer something a little more extravagant?

“I’ll sing of your virtues from the rooftop every night for the rest of the year!”

Nothing.

Okay, maybe that had been a little much. Logan had made it clear that he was there to work and didn’t want to be disturbed in his caffeine fueled study crusades, so something excessive was possibly the wrong way to persuade him to do this.

Oh-

“I’ll pay for your coffee for the rest of the year?”

Roman held his breath and waited.

And waited.

Just when he thought that he had been wrong and that Logan really wasn’t going to be persuaded, the door opened the tiniest of amounts. Logan was still frowning at him, but some of the ice was gone from his expression.

“That’s your dealbreaker? Coffee?”

“I drink a lot of coffee.” A slight deepening in the crease between Logan’s eyes told Roman not to push the subject. “You need a date to a wedding. In return, you pay for my flight there and back, provide accommodation for the duration of the winter vacation, and keep me supplied with coffee for the rest of the year.”

“Well, a wedding, the reception, any pre-wedding parties, and keeping up the act while we’re around other people,” Roman corrected, counting on his fingers. From the irritated twitch of Logan’s left eye, he got the feeling that he hadn’t mentioned the reception or the potential stag night in his initial pitch.

“Blue Moon or Red Planet.”

“What?”

“The coffee. I like Blue Moon or Red Planet coffee. They’re more expensive, so I don’t expect them every time - maybe a ratio of three regular jars to one nice jar.”

Roman blinked. “Uh… Okay.”

Logan nodded once. More hair fell over his eyes. “I’ll draw up a schedule and provide you with estimated projections of my coffee habits for the rest of the year so you can budget accordingly. When do we leave?”

“Um… Monday.” Still reeling from Logan’s sudden and complete 180, Roman cast around for something to say, but the long haired man got there first.

“Monday. That gives us approximately two and a half days to draw boundaries and fabricate enough pictures and stories to give our deceit credibility.” Logan closed his eyes, and Roman realised that he was staring again. He hadn’t expected the other to take this in stride so quickly. “Given that I have work to finish today and you will likely need several hours on Sunday evening to pack… Have you told your family how long we have been romantically involved?”

“Uh, since January. But I told them you were shy, so we don’t have to have any pictures or anything - we can say that all our dates were just pizza and Netflix, and…” He tailed off at the incredulous look on Logan’s face. “What?”

“You expect them to believe that we have been dating for eleven months and you haven’t taken a single photo? Roman, I have listened to you belting the lyrics of more break-up songs than I care to count.” Roman shrugged, and Logan rolled his eyes. “You are quite clearly a romantic. Had we really been dating, the number of pictures you would have taken on whatever extravagance you planned for our six-month anniversary alone would be infinitesimal.”

He had a point.

Roman had already stretched his family’s belief in him to breaking point (and probably well past it) by refusing to share even the smallest thing about his ‘boyfriend’ over the past eleven months; if he didn’t get home on Monday with at least a couple of dozen photos to share, their charade would be over before it could ever really begin. “Right. You’re right. We’ll need to spend the weekend planning, doing a photoshoot - it’ll be fun!”

“You,” Logan started, already retreating, “obviously have a different definition of that word than I do. Eight thirty tomorrow morning, The Roost. Bring a notepad, your phone, and a couple of changes of clothing suitable for various weather conditions.”

“Eight thirty? A prince needs his beauty-”

“Eight thirty. We are going to do this properly.”

Roman’s phone was in his hand barely seconds after Logan’s door had closed (albeit more gently than before).

Groupchat: Princes and Co.

[Can’t wait for you to meet logan!]

Roman 09:58

[a name!!!!!!!!!!]

Trash Rat 09:59

[we have a name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Trash Rat 09:59

[such a nice name! can’t wait either, ro!]

Pops 10:01

[About time! I’ve been stalling on the place settings for weeks waiting for this name]

Emo Nightmare 10:02

[Was about to fly out to LA to strangle it out of you]

Emo Nightmare 10:04

[he was. i had to physically restrain him from doing so yesterday]

Padre 10:04

[bet u both enjoyed that ;);););););)]

Trash Rat 10:04

Several people are typing…

[Suck a dick, Remus]

Emo Nightmare 10:05

[we did, actually]

Pops 10:05

[would but janjans at work :((]

Trash Rat 10:06

[Didn’t want to know, didn’t need to know.]

Roman 10:06

[Pat!]

Emo Nightmare 10:06

[Logan Ursa??? 4th yr medic??? Coffee addict???]

Snake Eyes 10:06

Roman stared at his phone for a second. That was faster than he had expected.

[u knew????? jan u held out on me??? the luv of ur greyspec life???]

Trash Rat 10:07

[You told Janus?! I’m your brother! He’s not even related to you!]

Emo Nightmare 10:07

[No I didn’t tell Janus!]

Roman 10:07

[I’m omniscient.]

Snake Eyes 10:08

[Plus I just asked Jannie for a list of all the Logans you could have associated with.]

Snake Eyes 10:09

[You and your sister scare me]

Roman 10:11

[He has surprisingly little internet presence.]

Snake Eyes 10:11

[Told you. He’s shy]

Roman 10:12

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Roman returned to his room and picked up his laptop, this time to actually book the tickets he was supposed to have booked weeks ago. He had no doubt that they would arrive on Monday to discover that his family had already unearthed everything there was to know about his fake boyfriend - should he break that news to Logan before or after they were on the plane? Making the man paranoid might make their weekend photoshoot a lot more difficult.

Their photoshoot! If Logan was really on board, Roman would have to make this as easy as possible for him - and the performance of a lifetime for himself. Given that he was expected to bring a notebook to their meeting tomorrow, they were going to have to do a lot of brainstorming, so he might as well start coming up with ideas now. He already had a few as he grabbed a notepad from the mess on the floor and started hunting for a pencil.

No matter what his fake date said, this weekend was going to be a lot of fun.

[seongsangi]

nonstop (2)

author’s note: READ PART 1 IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY. 

pairing: seonghwa x reader

summary: after a night with jaehyun, you wake up to find a mysterious stranger lurking in your room. you have no idea who he is, but he knows you all too well.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: incubus seonghwa, overstimulation, spitting, creampie — this shits kinda nasty imo BUT LET ME KNOW HOW YALL FEEL

***********************************************

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, Seonghwa?"

*********************************************** 

"Why are you with Y/N?" Seonghwa raises his voice.

Jaehyun gets defensive. "Wait, how do you know Y/N?"

Seonghwa scoffs, moving towards the bed to pick you up bridal style, eyeing the mess you and Jaehyun made. "Don't worry about how I know her. You said you would be right back, but I guess you couldn't keep your dick in your pants."

"Duh, that's just who we are. Where the hell are you going?" Jaehyun tries to make a move to stop him from leaving, but Seonghwa blinks out of sight with you in his arms.

The next time you open your eyes, the clock reads 4 am. You don't remember how you got back to your place, but everything from last night seems like a blur. You're not even in the same clothes, in fact you're in pajamas. Now you’re not sure if it actually happened or if you've just been in bed all night. Granted, you do still feel drained, no energy to move, and definitely sore in the lower region. You recall just how hard Jaehyun was making you see stars. It couldn't have been just a dream.

"Maybe it did happen," you whisper to yourself.

"Maybe what happened?" You hear a voice you don't recognize from the corner of your room. What the fuck who the fuck is that?! You scream, trying to climb out of bed and head for the door. He's so much faster than you. He blinks in front of the door just before you reach it, eyes glowing a deep red. Holy fuck this is not happening. You're shaking, scared of what will happen now. So many questions are racing through your head but you're too afraid to say anything. You back away slowly, trying to put some distance between yourselves.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," his voice is calm, but his eyes tell a different story. They're intimidating, he's intimidating, but at the same time, your nerves are less on edge and you start to feel more relaxed just from that. "Trust me, I would never hurt you, Y/N."

"H-how do you know my name? How did you get in here? Who the fuck are you?" You whisper, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed. He's got you trapped in your own room with no way out. His eyes soften, the red glow fading. He makes his way towards you, and you can't help but take in his figure. Oh god, he's so fine. You thought Jaehyun was the most gorgeous man you've ever seen, but this stranger might just give him a run for his money. His face is beautifully chiseled, all black outfit hugging him perfectly. Bitch are you stupid why are you fawning over him when he could quite literally kill you right now?

"Now why would I kill you, sweet girl?" He's standing right in front of you, but you can't bring yourself to make a move. He runs his hand through your hair, his soft touch making you feel lightheaded. His other hand wraps around your waist, pulling you in close. You’re not shaking any more, but it feels like you’re in a trance. You feel like putty under his hands, even though you still have no idea who he is or what he wants. Fuck this should not be happening but you can't get away even if you tried. He has the same aura as Jaehyun, making you feel helpless when you're around them, making you crave more of their touch.

"Why are you thinking about him when I'm right here?" There's a hint of jealousy in his voice, and he holds you even tighter against his body. The hand that was stroking your hair now has a grip on it, craning your head back to get a good look at his face. His eyes are glowing again, but you don't feel fear. You feel something you shouldn't be feeling in this situation, but you can't do anything about the wetness pooling in your panties. He senses that, a small smirk on his face when he realizes he's got you right where he wants you.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Your breath gets caught in your throat when he leans down, lips grazing your neck in just the right spot. There's no fight in you left, just a strong desire to have him touch you more.

"There's so much about me you don't know," his hand inching its way up to your breasts. "But I bet you want to find out, don't you?" Every single touch leaves a burning sensation in its wake. You let your head loll to the side, giving in to the way his lips feel on your neck and the way his hand underneath your shirt is making your core warm. You don't know what's gotten into you, but you don't think you have it in you to tell him to stop.

"Show me," you sound pathetic, basically whining for him. You can feel the smirk he's got on his face, ego skyrocketing at your pleas.

“How do you want it?” his hands are a bit more eager now, playing with your breasts and pinching your nipple with just the right amount of pressure.

“Any way you like,” sighing as he leaves a dark hickey on your neck, trailing his lips down to your chest to do the same. He’s marking you like you’re his, but you might as well be in this moment. He pushes you down so you’re sitting on the edge, legs dangling. He’s still standing, towering over you, making you feel tiny in his presence. He reaches to unbutton his shirt and you almost forget to breathe, taking in his half naked figure right before your eyes. His abs are so well-defined, tempted to reach out and touch them. He looks so attractive, the moonlight shining on him from your window, making him seem like a god. But you know those eyes mean something else, but you can’t bring yourself to worry about that. The only thing you can think of is letting him have his way with you.

“Let me take care of you sweetheart,” he says as he kneels, hands on your thighs. His velvety voice makes you spread your legs for him, watching as he settles in between. He starts off soft, kissing your inner thigh, so close yet so far from where you want him. He’s lost in your arousal, loving how much you crave him. When he tugs on your shorts, you lift your hips so he can pull them down. You’re drenched and he takes pride in that, sliding two fingers across your core. You can hear how wet you are, such a lewd sound that it makes you blush.

“All for me, huh?” he sounds so smug, slipping his fingers in and setting the pace. You clench around him, trying to change angles since you’re still sore. He senses a bit of discomfort from you, quickly attributing it to Jaehyun from earlier.

“Tell me what he did to you,” his voice is calm but stern, hand still pumping in and out of you. You’re confused, how does he know about Jaehyun? Why is he asking about him when he’s the one in between your legs? You wrinkle your forehead, not sure what to say.

“Did he eat you out?” You don’t want to tell him about your time with Jaehyun, you just want to focus on him right now.

“He didn’t. He’s missing out,” he brings his fingers to his mouth, tasting your arousal. “You taste so sweet baby.” Fuck that’s so hot, you bite your lip at the sight. Before you can even blink, his lips are attached to your core, licking long stripes up your slit. His skilled tongue draws out long moans from you. His hands are keeping your legs apart, your knuckles turning white from how hard you’re gripping the sheets. When he sucks on your clit, you just about lose it, throwing your head back and closing your eyes, focusing on the feeling of his tongue flicking against your sensitive nub. A random thought comes to you: you don’t even know his name.

“Seonghwa, you’ll need it for later,” he says with a wink. He lets go of your thighs, opting to use his hands to spread your lips apart, committing the sight of you to memory. Core glistening with your own wetness and his saliva, cheeks flushed, chest heaving, eyes heavy. You don’t know how sexy you look to him right now. As he plays with your clit, he slips two fingers in again, doubling the pleasure. You fall back onto the bed, unable to hold yourself up from how good he’s making you feel. He loves the power he has over you, over your body. He's learning what makes you moan a little louder, what makes you clench around his fingers, what makes your legs shake. You feel like you're about to explode, the pit in your stomach growing more and more.

"Don't stop please Seonghwa," he could listen to you begging for him all night. Of course he won't stop, he wants to give you everything you ask for and then some. He swirls your clit around his tongue, moving his fingers as fast as he can to drive you crazy. He wants to see your body writhe in pleasure, the pleasure he's giving you. His ministrations quickly send you over the edge, a moaning mess underneath him, trying to push yourself away from him when your orgasm washes over. He doesn't let you get away, licking your core and pumping his fingers nonstop, the sound of you saying his name fueling him.

He feels a rush of power coursing through him, feeding on your fucked out state. He almost chuckles to himself, if you're feeling this way already, you have no idea what's in store for you soon. He takes mercy on you, trying your best to get him to stop so you can gather yourself after the intense orgasm he just gave you. He stands up, wiping your wetness off his chin. You feel so tired, you could literally fall asleep right now.

"That's not even the best part yet," he says to you. Your eyes are closed, but you can hear him taking his pants off. Fuck you don't know if you can take it.

"Mmm, you have no choice baby," you still don't know how he's able to read your mind. You open your eyes slightly to see Seonghwa fully naked, member in hand. He reaches for your tank top, pulling it off swiftly to see you in all your glory. The marks he left on you look so pretty on your skin, making him feel cocky knowing he left them there. He lightly taps the tip of his dick against your core, teasing you with it.

"Are you gonna fuck me better than Jaehyun?" Oh god why the fuck did you just say that. His eyes narrow, the deep red coming back, obviously affected by your sudden outburst. Fuck you're in for it now.

"Yes you are, I can't believe you just said that." Instead of his member, he uses his hand to slap your pussy over and over, punishing you for being such a brat. He's being rough with you, but you both know you deserve it. You can't even think about Jaehyun any more when all your thoughts are now clouded with Seonghwa.

"I'm sorry," you cry out, "I didn't mean it." You can't help the tears that leave your eyes. It feels so good, but it's so overwhelming.

"I think you did mean it. You want me to fuck you so badly, you got it." He slides in without warning and with much ease. He grabs your hands, pinning them above your head. His hips are snapping against yours so quickly, so roughly, you can't think straight. Your whimpers only egg him on even more. You can't close your legs, can't move your hands, can't do anything but let him absolutely ruin you. He leans down, watching your face contort in pleasure. His brows are furrowed, letting you know he's feeling the same pleasure as you. You feel like you're being too loud, worried your neighbors in the apartment building may hear. He slaps one hand over your mouth, sensing your concern.

One hand keeping your wrists in place, the other hand keeping you quiet, dark eyes staring into yours, hips making your head dizzy, fuck what more could you ask for? He's so in tune with your body, your emotions are going wild. The more his hips rock against yours, the weaker you feel. How does he have so much control over you? His eyes continue to glow but you wouldn't put it past him to punish you again if you dare to look away.

His hips don't stop, but he does slow down his movements. He pulls out to the tip and inches his way back in repeatedly, which feels just as heavenly as him ravaging your body with quick thrusts. The slow thrusts this time still manage to make you crazy. He lets your wrists go, but you still can't move them. Your hands are stuck above your head, no matter how much you try to reach out and touch him. His hand moves from your mouth to your clit, rubbing slow circles. You bite your lip to stifle your moans, still maintaining eye contact with him as he uses your body. His free hand roams over your breasts, squeezing your nipples harder than before.

"Tell me you like it," he huffs, leaning down to capture one of your buds in his mouth.

"Oh my god I love it, you feel so so good," you moan, telling the truth because you feel like he would know otherwise. He hums at your affirmation, pleased with your response.

"Yeah I love that big dick in my tight little pussy," you keep going, not holding back your need for him. He takes a deep breath, feeding more and more on the pleasure you feel and the vulgar words you're saying.

"You're a slut," he moves from your breasts to your face, lips barely touching. "Open your mouth," you do as he says, sticking your tongue out a bit. He lets a trail of spit fall onto your tongue. You swallow quickly, giving him a sly smile. You've never done that before, but it feels so right with him, turning you on even more.

"I can't get enough of you," he's definitely consuming loads of energy from you, you must be feeling so weak and delirious right now. Before he takes too much, he wants to make you finish again. He sits up straight, hand stroking your hair, his soft touch now such a contrast from how brutal he was being earlier. His hips are still moving slowly but deeply inside you, trying to savor the way your walls feel around him.

"Harder," your voice is faint, but he heard you loud and clear. He pushes your legs towards your chest, the new angle letting him reach even deeper inside you. He loves the sight of you spread wide open for him, taking him so well.

"Play with yourself," he commands, and you're now able to move your hands from above your head. You quickly reach for your clit, rubbing fast circles to chase your high as Seonghwa fucks you hard. Your toes curl, clenching your walls at the same time. Neither of you can take your eyes off each other, making the moment even more intimate. You're watching him as he gets lost in your pussy, he's watching you as you bring yourself closer and closer to the edge.

"Will you cum in me, please?" you half whisper, half moan. You're incredible, he thinks to himself. How can he pass that up if you sound so sweet begging for him?

With a few more thrusts, you both reach your orgasms at the same time. Seonghwa groans loudly, spilling himself into you as you cry out. You feel so full, so dirty, and so tired. You can't keep your eyes open, head rolling to the side by the end of your high. Seonghwa, on the other hand, feels invigorated. Arguably the best sex he's ever had, he feels an immense power running through him. He's addicted to you, to the way you say his name, to the way you make him feel on top of the world. He doesn't want to let you go just yet, cradling your body as you drift to sleep again. He cleans you up with a snap of his fingers, tucking you under the covers. He leaves a lingering kiss on your forehead, distorting your memories so this would all feel like a dream when you wake up.

[imaginethathaikyuu]

hi, lovely! im unsure if my ask went thru bc my wifi sUCKS. it was abt kenma getting distracted by his s/o (who was just doin normal stuff behind the camera like reading or smth) during a twitch stream and he’s super needy for kissies and maybe a lil horny 👀 and thinking abt dry humping for some reason. i think it was smth like that? sorry for disturbing u!! hope u have a nice day bb mwah ilysm

i havent been able to stop thinking abt this request since i got it so here u go, thank u sm!

gender neutral reader*mild nsfw*

-

Ever since you started keeping Kenma company while he was live streaming, he started enjoying work even more. Not that he ever disliked being a streamer, but having you in the room sitting next to him - far enough away that you weren’t in the camera shot, but close enough that he could reach over and put a hand on your knee - was comforting for him. Even after years of doing this, he still managed to have a bit of stage fright when the camera was on. You helped take that away. 

He was in the middle of a stream that was taking a lot out of him; he wasn’t doing particularly well at the game he was playing, and he didn’t really want to be playing it, either. His mind was elsewhere. 

While you were typically more of a security blanket, tonight you were a distraction.  

For some reason, he just couldn’t stop glancing over at you. You had your eyes glued to a book, so it wasn’t like you were doing anything purposely distracting. But you just looked cute with your bottom lip between your teeth and one of his beanies on your head and wearing a t-shirt that was hanging dangerously low, and he really didn’t want to take his eyes off of you. And your foot that was situated in his lap was only adding to his problems. He kept waiting for you to look up and catch him staring, but you never did. 

And he was going to use you as his excuse for losing again rather than his lack of skill at the game. 

Kenma rubbed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. 

“Okay. Time for a break.” 

He looked over to the stream’s chat box to see what his viewers were saying and he let his hand drop down to his lap, resting it on your leg. 

Someone asked, “is y/n with you?” Kenma read the comment out loud and then looked over at you, smirking. “Are you?” 

“I am,” you replied, smiling at him. 

He nodded, “yep,” as he sank a bit further down in his chair, getting more comfortable. He pulled his headphones off his head and sat them on his desk a bit too haphazardly - they were really starting to hurt his ears - and he found himself wishing you could come closer to him. 

Kenma was frustrated, to say the least. Tonight’s stream hadn’t gone even almost well - he swore this would be the last time he let his viewers vote for which game he played, and he was serious this time. Kenma hated playing games he was bad at, but his fans seemed to love to watch him lose. 

It was even worse that you were always in the corner of his eye and your foot was always sitting innocently in his lap. And it was innocent - you weren’t distracting him on purpose, and you definitely weren’t trying to get him all riled up. But your shirt was hanging so low, and every time he looked at you he could see the bite mark he’d left on your shoulder just the night before. A small part of him felt bad for leaving a mark like that - a bigger part of him wanted you to get on his lap again so he could give you another. 

He groaned before suddenly realizing he had been quiet for quite some time, but he was struggling to come up with anything to say. This wasn’t like him, he should be focusing on work. 

But the more he tried, the more he wanted to clock out early. 

“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “I think I’m gonna call it a night…” 

As usual, comments flooded in, everyone telling him not to go. He wasn’t going to listen to them. 

“We’ll make next time a longer stream to make up for it…” 

He really didn’t sound like he meant it - maybe because just the thought of streaming again any time soon tired him out.

While doing his typical sign off to the stream, he couldn’t stop thinking about how badly he just wanted the cameras to be turned off, and what he’d do after. He secretly hoped you’d pounce on him the moment the stream officially ended, because you could just tell how frustrated he was and you had the perfect thing to relax him. You’d straddle his lap and your hips would rut into his and you’d let him bite your neck as he moaned for you; all of the frustration that had been building up would just melt away, Kenma would finally feel better. 

Or maybe he’d be the one who pounces on you, kissing you as well as he knows how to before pulling you up from your seat and leading you to the bed. He’d settle between your legs while you undressed him and instead of thinking about the stress of winning a video game, he’d be thinking about nothing but his need for you, and maybe he wouldn’t even bother hiding his moans. Maybe he’d want you to hear them this time. 

Or maybe… 

“Kenma?” 

He looked up at you; your book was closed and your shirt was finally pulled up into place. He pouted a bit at the sight. 

“Hm?” 

Somehow in the midst of his daydreaming, he had managed to finish the stream and go offline. He wasn’t sure how he did it. 

“You okay? You had at least an hour left, babe.” 

He gave you a quiet nod, not knowing what else to say. 

Of course nothing he thought about was going to happen. It just wasn’t realistic, was it? Pouncing on each other wasn’t really something the two of you did - hell, you probably thought what the two of you did last night would hold Kenma over for the next month. 

“Kenma,” you hummed, poking his thigh with your toe. 

“What?” he sighed, and he’s sure he’d sound grumpy to anyone else but you. 

But he was right. Those things he’d spent the last few minutes fantasizing about weren’t going to happen tonight. And he knew it for a fact when you pulled your foot out of his lap, and then sank down onto your knees in front of him on the floor. 

“Let me help you feel better,” you said with your cheek resting against his knee; he shifted to sit even lower in his chair, eagerly waiting for what was to come - even if it was something he hadn’t thought about happening. “I can tell you need it...” 

Kenma was glad you knew him as well as you did.

[sockpansy]

Accidents happen

Rudony ( tony x rudolph)

@rudolph-sackville-bagg. I finally posted it

Nights with tony were lively.

Rudolph loved the feel of the warmth his hand had when they flew over the tops of trees and over ponds. He loved seeing him cheer in excitement as he did a loop. He enjoyed the way his voice would change on the calm nights they sat under the moonlight on the rooftop, Tony reading a few books from the castle library. Rudolph loved how being with Tony, in any way, always felt alive.

Nights with Rudolph were adventurous.

Tony would jump in delight when Rudolph offered his hand for a flight from his window at sunset. He loved the way he would tease him reminding him to close his mouth before he caught a bug. He loved holded his hand as they walked beside the river, jumping in and splashing each other until they were soaked. No matter how small it may be, there was always an adventure with Rudolph.

It was no wonder the boys had fallen in love with each other. If only they both knew it.

Tony walked up a small hill on the way back to the castle, Rudolph flying after him. 

" I never knew turtles could bite so hard." Tony laughed as he turned to face Rudolph, walking backwards, 

" I told you it was called a snapping turtle. You're lucky it only got the stick you poked it with and not your finger."  Rudolph only laughed at the recent memory.

" I'm a vampire, I'm sure a small bite wouldn't have caused that much damage." 

" Well i still think vampires need their fingers,"

Tony smiled and shook his head, he started to turn back around to continue the walk up the hill. Rudolph flew over him and appeared in front of him upside down. He went to say something when Tony had turned his head forward to face him.

Tony had been stepping up and forward, not knowing how close he was to the boy until his warm lips met his cold ones.

In all his 300 and 13 years, Rudolph had never felt a moment so long and so short all at once. He faintly thought "warm and soft" before he flew backwards at realizing what happened.

Tony on the other hand, had jumped back almost a second later blushing. He touched his lips with one hand, and even though it was brisk, he could still feel how cold and chapped Rudolph's lips felt against his.

Both boys stared at the other, neither being able to come up with an excuse or reason or even a word.

Tony managed to find one first.

" i didn't know you were so close...that um..wasn't...on purpose." But he really wished it had been. He wanted to kiss him again already.

Rudolph had turned right side up and had the back of his hand to his lips, trying to hold the feeling of the kiss there. He nodded as he observed Tony, looking for any sign he might have been ok with it, but quickly dismissing all the obvious signs as just nervousness or surprise or tony being...Tony.

" Ah yes. I'll be a bit more careful next time." He completely planned to not do that.

The boys stayed there another minute quietly. Rudolph cleared his throat first.

" The sun will be coming up soon. Uh...how about I fly us home?"

_________

 The flight there was silent, even as they both had the same thing screaming inside their heads.

Rudolph dropped Tony at the front door. Said a quick good day and flew to his window. Tony waved as he left and headed inside to have breakfast with his family.

As Tony zoned out eating cereal, Rudolph was having trouble sleeping. He kept touching his lips and imagining what it would feel like to feel them again. If he even could feel them again. 

After agonizing over it for far to long into the day, he gave into the only thing he knew to do. 

He went to Anna and Gregory for advice.

______________

" it is 11 am in the morning. The sun is glaring down outside those curtains...and you wake me up. Drag me all the way out of my room..for this. " Gregory crossed his arms as he stared at his little brother. He brushed lips for half a second and now he can't even face a mere mortal?

Anna, on the other hand? She was also upset at being woken up but she was not happy about what happened either. 

" It's not fair that you got to kiss Tony first!" 

" that is not the problem here! I don't even know what to do and it wasn't a kiss on purpose!" 

Anna huffed crossing her arms " well if it had been me i wouldn't have let it end so quickly." 

Rudolph held his head in his hands " why did i think going to you two would be any good advice." 

Gregory yawned " let's hurry up so I can get back to sleep. I had been having a nice little daydream before you rudely interrupted." 

Rudolph let himself float as he tried to think " I mean..it..it wasn't even on purpose..we just gotta little close is all...but i don't even know how to face him!" 

Anna chimed in" upside down apparently," Gregory nudged her and she let out a puff of air, then floated up to Rudolph. 

" this is really bothering you that much?" Rudolph nods

" yes anna...i don't quite know what to do...and i don't want to avoid him...and i want to kiss him again but i'm not even sure he would be ok with that. Let alone like to be romantic." 

Anna tapped her foot in the air, making no sound, but she sighed defeated.

" if he says no, then i get him. No take backs!" 

Rudolph turned to face her better, " what do you mean?"

" I mean tonight when he wakes up, ask him to go flying, and talk about the kiss. Ask to do it again. But if he says no or if you don't do it. He is mine." Rudolph didn't quite know what to say to that,or where to start either. Luckily- or unluckily- she went past him and into the hall, heading to her room.

Gregory yawned " she has a point rudolph. You won't know until you ask him. I'm sure it will all turn out fine." And he followed Anna out so he coule grt bsck to sleep. This wasn't his problem. This left Rudolph to deal with the advice he did not want and a deal he didn't agree to or ask for. 

_______

Waiting for Tony to wake up was misery. To keep Tony from sleeping all day. His parents set his bedtime from 4pm to 11 pm and he could stay up the rest of the night and day. Sadly this also meant a few hours of the night were spent without Tony, and tonight those hours ticked by like years.

Finally. At 11pm on the dot. Rudolph flew into Tony's room from the open window. 

Tony hadn't been able to get much sleep himself, and had gotten the same advice from his parents as Rudolph had from his siblings. But in a much less challenging way, although that didn't make it any easier. 

He sat up when Rudolph came in and yawned. 

" goodnight Rudy." He waved a bit nervously. Rudolph took a quick breath and did his best to act as normal as vampirely possible as he held out his hand.

" ready for your wakeup call?"

 Tony couldn't help the grin that spread over his face as he took Rudolph's hand and they flew into the night.

______

It wasn't long before the two were sat on top of the tower rudolph had left Tony on once before, neither filling the open with words quite yet. 

" hey about yesterday-" 

" about the kiss-" 

They said at the same time. Then Quickly went quiet, waiting for the other to finish. Stars. They are so awkward.

Rudolph remembered anna' s decree over Tony, even if tony wasn't a prize to be won ( unless rudolph won, that doesn't count), he didn't like the idea of her stealing him away. 

" Tony, i apologize if this comes out...rash." He started. He kept talking, hoping that if he didn't stop he wouldn't back out," but yesterday, I admit I didn't plan to be so close for that to happen. That is to say i didn't plan it but i- i may have - perhaps it was-" he stumbled over his words.

Tony took over quickly,``I haven't kissed someone before!" 

Rudolph fell quiet " huh?"

The mortal continued, rubbing the back of his head as he did to get some nerves out,``I um..mean that..since i havent kissed anyone before that would have been my first kiss. But um..i was..wanting a proper kiss. " 

Rudolph felt his heart sink, he didn't mean to accidentally take his first kiss! 

" I apologize Tony, I didn't mean to take that from you." 

Tony was wearing the same red his hoodie had on his face by this point, " i'm not saying that it was..bad..i..am saying." He took a small breath and took one of rudolph's hands.

" kiss me again?"

Rudolph stared at Tony for a bit. Unsure what to say or even do. Did this mean that Tony liked him? Or did he just want a proper kiss and it happened to be Rudolph who kissed him on accident, so he was asking him to do it proper this time?

Tony bit his lip and looked away quickly 

" im sorry, that was...a selfish request...i was um..just hoping maybe you...wanted to kiss me too." 

Rudolph had to say something. Anything. Something at all!

"Your lips are very warm." 

Not that!

" -and i'd like to kiss you again!" 

That's better!

Tony blushed as he faced him and nodded, holding one hand and putting the other gently behind his neck. Tony pulled Rudolph into a soft kiss.

Rudolph had been right. Tony's kiss was very soft and warm. He could stay like this for hours if he would let him. 

Rudolph put his free hand on Tony' s cheek. Pulling him closer, and he swears he could taste strawberries on him.

It only lasted a few seconds, before both boys pulled back from the kiss, still holding onto each other. Tony laughed a little bit.

" so um..does this mean you like me?" 

Rudolph looked offended, " you mean i can kiss you and you think I would only just like you? Tony, I love you." 

Ok, Rudolph did not plan to say that tonight.

Tony did not expect to hear that tonight either.

 

But Tony just kissed him again quickly, and mumbled against his lips the same words he just heard. 

________

When Anna heard the news in the morning, she was sure to remind Rudolph she would grab Tony if he let him go, and Gregory just gave him a pat on the back as a congratulations, but no one was surprised they had gotten together. Just glad they finally did.