#i rarely ever see him too
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good morning and happy monday friendzz !!! i hope you all have a great day !! sending out lots of love ^_^
^ actually me this morning
#i will forever embarrass myself in front of this one coworker#it’s the one that i keep 300 ft away from me bc *maybe* ive have a tiny crush on him for the past year or so#BUT I JUST DJJDJDJDJD UGHHHH#I FUMBLE EVERY INTERACTION ITS ACTUALLY INSANE#like everyone else in the office i can yap to and be fine but him ?? idk what happens to me#i rarely ever see him too#so embarassing T^T#sob i hope everyone has a great day lmfaooo <333#going to hide in my office >_< !!!#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#🗣️ the daily yap .
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Angel Dust Turns Human - Pg1
I need to mention how insane it is that Angel Dust is like, around 8ft tall. I'm not good at drawing tall people, so his human form made him shorter since, if he was alive, he'd be at least around 6ft; that's as tall as he's gonna get!
Anyways, I like Angel Dust centered media bc he's my fav🫶👨❤️💋👨 It upset me, when I finally watched the damn show, how little screen time he had (no, those 2 episodes were not enough for me). Personally, I don't think his character was that explored, so I'm just stretching him out a bit in this - even if it goes against Canon, sorry☹️
In fact, this whole comic goes against Canon😔. Since the whole point is Parental Alastor & Angel as a son figure. I don't see enough of that (obviously since it doesn't fit much but idc) so I made my own.
It's also possessive Alastor, since I really love 'yandere' parental/platonical relationships, there's not much media with that trope💔
NO ROMANCE! This whole thing is found family🙏
#hazbin hotel#angel dust#alastor#charlie morningstar#human au#? i guess#parental figures#comic art#fanart#yandere parent#possesive love#/platonic#no romantic relationships#no romance#sorry guys I just dont ship Angel dust w anyone :(#not that he CANT be in a relationship. I just dont see him in one - or the one I picture in my head#it makes me sad that he doesnt rlly have anyone to confide in - excluding any potential romantic partners#I dont count charlie since their relationship is rarely ever shown; I dont rlly see the two being close - no matter how hard they tried#alastor being a parental figure is mainly because of his 'creepy/scary' aspect - I like parents who are intimidating. even to their kids#husk couldve also been a father figure here but I just dont see it sorry - hes too much of a drunk so..#hes better off as a pal#hazbin art#hazbin lucifer
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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.
And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.
That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.
Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.
#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties#kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things#they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane#this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be#it depends on my mood#i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days#you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful#but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs#luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh#i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that#if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain#idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf#one piece#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan
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rereading the hivebent commentary makes me so annoyed that people are never really willing to analyze the actual effects that alternian culture clearly had on every troll, especially the highbloods. pretty much the only troll who ever actually gets taken in the context of her upbringing is vriska.
no one ever seems willing to think about the character arcs of trolls like equius and terezi, who are also bluebloods with extremely hypocritical and toxic understandings of the people around them-- equius is boiled down to a gross creep who is just like that naturally and definitely didn't get it from his society in any way, whilst terezi is scrubbed of virtually all her flaws and turned into a strange sort of based love interest character who is all about being gay and too cool to be tricked by any of the alternian propaganda. quadrants? classism? how silly! terezi would never believe in stupid shit like that. she's quirky! and GAY!
despite the fact that equius and terezi both obviously have much, much more to their personalities than that-- and the alternian empire is informing way more dangerous things about these kid's beliefs than "kiss annoying people".
#hsmeta#op#terezi wants to be a cop and views herself as responsible for vriska BECAUSE OF HER HYPOCRITICAL IDEAS OF JUSTICE#shes NOT just obsessed with dealing with vriska because shes interested in her she has weird freak codependency because her COP HYPOCRISY#she is also gay for vriska but thats part of the Turmoil. thats part of her struggle with her need to kill vriska.#terezi thinks shes Holier Than Everyone and that shes the only one who can kill vriska w/o it being petty revenge#ignoring that she's actually the one with more emotional investment in vriska than ANYBODY#man there are so many interesting things to say about terezi but everyone is too busy making her the mouthpiece for their Woke Takes#bcuz they actually think terezi is woke. and not a deeply confused and distraught girl with more issues than bones#i also like equius but ive made posts abt him before. lol#homestuck#i could talk about eridan and feferi and gamzee too actually#and how i rarely ever see anyone talk about them In The Context Of Alternia. its always just oh well they did a bad thing that annoyed me.#vriska gets hundreds of thousands of pages of discourse into why alternia and her upbringing affected her actions but nobody else does#idk. i went on for too long in these tags already LOL#btw the inspo for this post was my lovely partner as usual 💫
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Masked characters who never reveal their face/you rarely see their face my forever beloved i know u have a face under there but that mask is your face and I'm giving it a kiss even if you don't feel it
#many masked characters have my heart just cause it's literally one of the BEST character design choices ever#like hunk resident evil wouldn't be as fucking COOL if we saw his face right? that mask is part of his identity and his character#master chief another example if we dont count the show WHICH WE WONT#master chief probably being the prime example of a masked character#doom guy is one of my fav masked characters cause you CAN see his face sometimes but its always a RARE moment to see it#we dont need to see his face 24/7 cause he already gives off so much character through his body language#you can FEEL his anger and hatred for the thing's he kill's without EVER seeing his facial expression's#of course the original doom's also has a head icon showing you his emotions but the newer doom's REALLY leaned on the masked side of him#samus another great example#metroid dread is literally my favorite metroid game for what it does with her and the animation's they do for her#you can just FEEL and see what she's thinking/feeling/commiting too in every interaction#shes so quiet and stoic and when we do see her face its used to GREAT effect#samus is my fav masked character probably everytime i think back on her its always like omg...shes so cool...
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Does this hurt? (Patreon)
Bonus:
I love surfacetable.txt <3
#Doodles#W. D. Ghoster#If it was anyone other than him.... But it /is/ him that's the thing#Backing up a bit lol - in doing some Surface Tests to make sure everything's going well (It is! No errors popped! :D) I got curious#Y'know wanting to compare to see how many animations or elements make up a surface! It's interesting! And fun!#And then discovering that certain very rare animations can be seen again without resetting or reinstalling or what have you hehe <3#I've already seen those they're not a spoiler they're just harder to come by - I want to appreciate and admire them a bit longer!#Which was all well and fine and good and dandy and not a problem until I was idly clicking through not really paying attention to what#I've still never punched Ghoster - I haven't even played with my Neutral Run in a while I just want to keep petting him#So I hadn't seen the animation(s) - haven't sought them out haven't even really looked too much into screenshot of#It was very startling! I was worried!! I immediately went to check my stats and indeed I ''hadn't'' punched him - 1000+ Pets and no Punches#But... I saw it happen#He doesn't know because it was Just An Animation - him Just A Ghost - but I saw it I experienced it I was there for it#Yes that first time it was an accident but in grabbing these gifs I did it again on purpose#(How's my cursor acting btw lol)#There's a bit of Flowey about it all - made me wonder if Ghosts could ever be programmed to ''know'' a Surface Test happened#Really - if it were any other Ghost than his I probably wouldn't be thinking about it so much - but by nature of who he is...#So yeah anyway I stopped after this - no more spoilers for me#I'll look elsewhere for reference for now - I still want to experience his routes fairly blind haha#Oh and a bonus surfacetable.txt ♥ Yay ♥ I was so excited for that haha I love renaming things!#I couldn't figure out why certain captions were overlapping for a bit - figured it out by comparing the Hunter/Smoker table lol#Picking things up in tiny little pinches! Every little step forward! Doing!
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six fanarts thing - ty to everyone who gave me the chs!!
#rvb#su#sharkface#locus#jasper#garnet#queen eclipsa#felix#mine#six fanarts#a rare un-grungy locus! i imagine this is him before the whole Situation. back when he was a guy who would see an enemy soldier stranded#+ think the best of them and defend them to their fellow squadmates. he looks so wifey in this btw. who said that#i bully locs abt his smile being weird a lot but i do think that when he genuinely smiles. its beautiful. it heals the soul#i drew felix in the suit from merc trilogy but i couldnt get her face right. im sorry. you lost smirking butchy felix. she was hot though.#girl felix is the definition of 'stop saying you'll go gay bc of men i'll treat you just as bad'#idk anything abt star vs so i got her name wrong. oops lol#also i had an empty spot + had to draw jasper since i drew garnet too. jasper's my girl (gn) and shes done nothing wrong ever#wow who's surprised. jasper's my fav su character. you'll be shocked to know that the malachite theme is also my favorite track.
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Short comic for adventurer zenos, and the hand he lends to the students of baldesion in exchange for some lodging- which quickly turns into him actually learning to enjoy his time and the company there. Which, in this once he’s able to actually get back into researching more of his interests he occasionally goes overboard on his work which leads to him forgetting to eat or sleep before it is done.
#ffxiv#sketch#fan art#comic#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#rare moment of Zenos panicking because it’s work he -actually cares about-#I adore the concept of Zenos learning to love being in sharlayan#and the concept of him actually being able to be an academic with peers equal to him#that he can talk about his studies too#I also see him not knowing how to express gratitude really so it’s just him exchanging favors as thanks#which doesn’t work when he slowly gets absorbed into the scions/students of baldesion because they will make him look after himself#also unironically krile probably earning the guardiest of guard dogs after he’s able to reflect on the resonant#because I genuinely doubt he’d ever apologize#but he’d probably make sure nothing ever happened like that again#which is a character trait that’s been interesting to interpret and work with lol#on a completely unrelated note:#zenos owns at triple triad and you cannot change my mind#he would be that one guy with the top tier deck and the same/plus ruleset
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I hate to nitpick the Atsushi hallucinating scene in the new episode cause it was SO well done otherwise, but I'm still really sad that they cut out Francis being there. Like... it's not entirely necessary, I guess, but it just adds so much to his character and to the scene itself?
The Francis in Atsushi's mind is this looming, intimidating presence, because Atsushi did of course fight against him, he was his enemy at one point, but I think it undeniably says a lot that he's even included here at all.
I'm pretty sure I saw this discussed back when this chapter first came out, but while everything Atsushi's hallucinations say to him are framed as negative, putting him down, they can also be read as letting him know that the burden of responsibility for making such a huge decision isn't on him (hence why he decides to let Fukuzawa decide instead, because he can't make THE choice, but he can still choose to act to let someone else decide, and not simply do nothing), and Francis is no exception in this regard. Since he's naturally haughty and arrogant in his personality, this fake version of him doesn't at all feel out of character, coldly saying that "nobody expects anything of you", but again, I think this line especially can also be read as "you are not expected to do anything". In that way, it feels more reassuring, and maybe even dare I say kind -- the fact that Atsushi even considers him important enough of a figure in his life to think of what he would say to him in this moment means that he counts Francis among his allies now. Yes, they didn't get along at first when Francis lied and told him that he only wanted to revive Margaret just so she could kill Hawthorne (because god forbid he actually admit out loud that he cares about people, smh), and obviously because of the whole almost burning Yokohama down and trying to kill him and Akutagawa thing lol, but I'm pretty sure Atsushi changed his mind about him after he saw the state Margaret was in, and recognized how much Francis cares about her and wanted her to be alright. He probably still remembers him talking about his desire to bring back his daughter and save her and his wife, too. The guy still probably isn't someone Atsushi would want to hang out with and be buddy-buddy with during his free time lmao, but the airheaded vain old sport still has a good heart, deep down, and I think Atsushi has seen this by now, because he's a kind person, and so I think it speaks volumes that he unconsciously looks to him for advice here. Francis is just a really good and underrated character, and this is such a small but meaningful moment that shows his development so well, the only moment with him we've gotten or any of the Guild really in such a long time, so it makes me sad to see this cut 💔
I also just feel like not including him kind of weakens the impact of Akutagawa's appearance here?? Like, there's a progression of the order of people Atsushi hears/sees in this scenes: first, people from the ADA sans Dazai, who are all portrayed as on the same level, because he cares about them all equally, aside from I guess Kyouka (again, sans Dazai, the most important person to him). Then, there is Francis, and not to say that Francis is more important to Atsushi than the ADA, obviously not, but he's one of the last to appear because he used to be his enemy, and so he commands much more of a presence, has more of an impact -- but at the same time, like I said, it's complicated: he's not really his enemy anymore, but something between a rival and a friend, and so for that reason his words carry more weight. He is someone Atsushi, logically, shouldn't trust, after what he did to him in the past, and yet he does, because things have changed since the Guild arc, and he knows he can count on him to be there for him and the ADA now.
And then, after him, there is Akutagawa. Who is basically exactly the same as everything I just described for Francis, but times one hundred. Of course Akutagawa would be last. Of course, if there's someone Atsushi would simultaneously and paradoxically be both intimidated by and yet comforted to hear their advice because of their tumultuous history together, far more than Francis, it would be Akutagawa. The progression of ADA members > Francis > Akutagawa in that order gives Akutagawa's appearance much more weight imo than just going straight to him from the ADA members, especially with the specific framing of him standing in line behind Francis to judge/advise Atsushi.... it's just much more powerful, and I wish they'd kept it like this, for both Francis and Aku's characters.
#bungou stray dogs#meta#i know i am one of the 10 Francis fans to exist but dammit i'm defending my dumb sad American silly man!!!#he deserved this moment in the anime it's so important!!!!!!#'you just want Francis to be the weird new dad figure to everyone' and what if i DO OKAY#HE IS A FATHER WHO MISSES BEING A FATHER just let me have him being Atsushi's silly little weird uncle/father guy in his hallucinations oka#in my dreams he's Lucy's adoptive dad and therefore Atsushi's too because he supports her little crush on him#he and Dazai are just chaotic wingmen to AtsuLucy it would be the funniest thing ever okay i need this#(WHAT IF KYOUKA REMINDS HIM OF HIS DAUGHTER TOO 😭😭😭)#but i'm getting off topic ahem-#point is cutting Francis from this scene does it a disservice#it's FAR from the worst thing Bones has ever done don't get me wrong and the scene is still wonderful as it is#but i'm still sad :(((((#Francis crumbs are so rare as is so I was looking forward to seeing him here </3 after how much I loved seeing him in the chapter originall
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#NOT TO BE NSFT ON MAIN#But I'm going through it... and by it I mean well... the horn knee#but like. lots of Thoughs about- HFH how Valentin is probably the first trans guy for Mitch#not that its rare by 2077 but because I HC him as demisexual#his first time was late-ish compared to his friends - he didnt had a lot of lovers - then there was Scorpion#who was more of a brother than a boyfriend but I DO HC THAT THEY ROLLED IN THE HAY Alright#But back to the thingy-- He's probably not experienced when it comes to Well Tdicks right#Mitch start to develop feelings for Val too the whole vets group start to notice it hardcore#cause these two gonkasses arent exactly subtle - they're just blind#and so one night while the vets are chillin drinkin the usual#subject comes up like eyy hows it going with V you gonna rizz him up or what#Mitch going PFFF idk what yall talkin about but he's red and suddenly don't know what to do with his hands#conversation goes and he's all like awkward cause Well Duh#Boys take showers together so everyone knows Val isnt Cis- there's others trans folks in the camp too its nothing unusual just an info#and get this... what if. its Butch Grease Queen Carol who gives him tips on how to get his boy all rilled up#while drunk ofc - Mitch wishin he could disapear from the discussion cause it's just too much but lowkey taking notes HKGJDKZKG#while some other vet goes on about how good it feels in there tm and all-- YNOW WARM N WET AND ALL#Mitch just nervously laugh and thanks them for the advices tm even if nothing will ever happen and just change the subject#he def jerk off in his tent tho cause he can't keep the vision out mH. hhhHHFHHF 👁👁#and he'd be like damn here I go doin it over a friend again and feels guilty next time he sees Val#(val def does it too in his northern appartment#idk where im going with this don't mind me JHGJ#sex is such an insignificant part of their love - its present and they explore all type of stuff together#but its not something that would ever be source of problem or doubts if that makes any sense#while simultaneously being important - cause Mitch was Val first time - and in a way Val was Mitchs first too#and his boy sure does feel nice /)UwU(\ weeeee#tbd
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If you could have any Asmo/reader fic what would be the things you would want from it? like an ideal fic would contain what tropes or AUS or situations or whatever
uhmm anything wellwritten that characterizes asmo similar to the way i do ! i rlly like character exploration , both more serious stuff & just sillycute...anything where asmo is a little cunning and toxic and also gets railed into oblivion.anything where hes a vampire. ill write a tag essay about the specifics
#xreaders are too unrelatable for me usually .. im aroace and the only relationship dynamics that r rlly interesting to me r likee#toxic or tumultuous...i think in many asmo fics hes just very one note or like not a complex love interest .which is fine because hes like#that in the game but i am especially drawn to fics where the author has their own kind of unique take on it. nuance. etc#it's really interesting to see situations in which asmo kind of reaps the consequences of shitty behavior or struggles with parts of himsel#f he doesnt like. not just in like ohhh im insecure sobsob but like deeprooted issues & patterns thought processes that come with being a d#demon that maybe clash with human morality or ideals...like what if he sees human lives as generally more disposable because hes lived for#so long?? what would a fic be like about him wanting a fling with a human that ends up taking apart their life but to him its just a fun#little romance without any real consequences or commitment?? even if he was obsessed w them professing his undying love etc etc he could ge#t bored and drop it anytime and outlive them by millions of years and forget...& how does a human love an entity like that? how could the r#relationship look anything close to normal ever...anyway i like fics that touch on questions like this theyre kind of rare though#this all being said i def dont think asmo is completely evil💭 nuance#at work so im literally just wasting time by thinking about this rn but this was like the asmotoni dynamic its too interesting to me#asmotoni is like this in my head but on papwr i just draw them fucking witj bunny ears sorry#this doesnt even answer ur question really. if i could write a fic rn it would be like 200k word emo band au that isnt xreader or a romance#fic it would just be asmo beel belphie as humans starting a band and their rise and fall etc ive been thinking abt that plot nonstop
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I feel like Splinter is like one of the most underrated characters when it comes to angst. I can get Leo's popularity(and especially f!leo) with painful fics cuz he kinda caused the apocalypse and he has severe self-image issues.
But Splinter has layers to his angst like an onion. Guy literally moves to America when he's seven or so, watches his mom "disappear" forever and then forth decided that he will no longer be a ninja because of it, ignores his grandpa's teachings(which could be said to be a metaphor for his culture also), becomes a young actor where he has to fake an American accent when he's on set(definitely experienced racism in the film industry), dates a pretty lady who he wants to marry but as soon as he proposes she reveals that she is a spider lady who doesn't want to marry him but instead wants to use him for her business(the Battle Nexus). He's stuck fighting for god-knows how long until he finally gives up and makes a vow to never fight again. And then, at the lowest of his luck, he gets kidnapped(albeit willingly), captured, and TURNED INTO A RAT. Forever. Did I mention that now he also has kids??? Four of them??? And though, at first, he wanted to take care of these turtles, maybe a few years go by and he just can't. It could be for a multiple of reasons, but soon enough he becomes more and more distant to his sons. And he starts getting, like, really addicted to T.V. commercials(which he used to cope with.... well, everything).
Now he's a pathetic rat man with no culture, no bitches, no friends, the guy is kinda a shell of his old self.
You could pull so many character analyses with this guy because literally anything and everything that has happened to him could be the reason why he's the man you see in the show. He's just such a cool character in that way.
#rottmnt#rottmnt splinter#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#save rottmnt#i would make an analysis of him myself but I've never made a character study before#maybe I'll just make one#honestly i can relate to him to a certain extent too#and its just so cool that you can actually say that him being an immigrant has affected who he is because i rarely ever see stuff like this#in other t.v. shows#you can tell the writers put so much care in his character
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also i do think about the color gang responding to everything that happens around the start of the au a lot. just them trying to make alan feel better and them also showing him things they couldn't have shown him and doing things they couldn't have done together when he was on the other side of the screen <3
#tommy's stickmen tag#on one hand: they're extremely excited to be able to actually have him around#on the other: he is upset and stressed about this whole thing and they never really see him like this so it's really stressful for them too#like they're trying to stay optimistic and they're good at that! but unfortunately alan being stressed like this is a little scary to see#since they rarely see him at the computer when he's like this if ever#when he IS stressed and at the computer it's certainly not 'if anything else happens i am going to snap like a twig' stress#tommy's stick!alan
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klay 0 points but he looked sexygorgeous doing it + lockdown defense + mavs WIN and dubs clinch so im leaving here with something 🙂↕️🙂↕️
#nba#klay thompson#dallas mavericks#mavs lb#love when he makes shots but ive shrimply accepted that it is now a somewhat rare occurence which is understandable tbh given age/injuries#they could never make me hate u king#not even if u go 0/100 i srsly dgaf ur face card + beautiful soul more than make up for it i promise#freddie mercury voice#I look ... and i fiind ... I still love youuu#that said I really think people are not giving him enough grace or credit for all the positive ways he impacts the game#like he has set such an impossibly high standard for himself by literally becoming thee singular second greatest shooter OAT so#imo its pretty unreasonable for fans to demand him to put up prime klay numbers nightly when this team doesn't even need him to do that#to be able to win which is actually a good thing !!! not to be a +/- watcher but him just being on the floor opens up so much space for#everyone else because defenders will swarm him no matter what and he knows this because he is very smart !!!#I just have so much love in my heart for him and it physically hurts me to see anyone speak negatively about him after everything#that he's overcome and how critical he is of himself :( I just want him to feel loved :((#guys this is so stupid i don't even KNOW him and he still occupies a fairly large portion of my brain and heart 24/7 it's so badddd#steph and klay were my whole entire childhood and then i forgot about them for the year they were injured and then I remembered them again#after which they found their way back to each other and won the whole fucking thing !!! that's the shit of romcoms bitch !!!#and even if they really won't ever share a backcourt again (which pains me to even type out ew) I'll still love both of them#unconditionally i fear#and also forever#how can you not be romantic about basketball baby!!!#steph/klay#if you read all of this first of all im so sorry and thank you too lol :)
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this thing i do when i have not consume anything about a media but this guy who makes art about that media is really good and im gonna follow them. And also its probably because of the sunglas- [I AM SHOT DEAD]
#.this tumblr user is having a certified category 7 insanity#I should never have watchh that old first media i consume. Strangling my 10 years old self WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#Even if that fandom is the first introduction to gay people young me have seen and normalize gay people so much for me#Fandom did lots for me tbh its good for my 10 yrs old self. Despite that fandom havibg a bad rap#It actually didnt do what people accuse it of doing at all it did not do it to me at least#I was young and all i care about was how stupodly funny it was and holy god good animatics#I LITERALLY DONT CARE ABOUT THAT BAD PART i literally dont even know it exists until later on in my second relaspe#But like i only consume it on youtube when i first interacted with it i dont have social media at that time#And due to it i have been pointed in a VERY good direction#Thank god i didnt become brainwashed by a random evil channel as a kid on unfiltered youtube#And was instead too busy watching gay dudes kissing#Thank GOD for that fandom it did a lot of good for me. BUT IT NOW FUCKED ME OVER SO BADD ALSSOOOOO#I dont know if i ever will admitwhat it is except to a few close people#But i will forever curse out the main guy FOR INFLICTING ME WITH INSANITY WITH SUNGLASSES FIGUREEEE FUCKK YOUUUUUUU#And the dude hes shipped wwith DAWGGG FUCK YOUU TOOO FOR AFFECTIBG ME WITH YOU DISEASE TOO#Except the second guy? You gotta be really specific to get the dude right. And its rare to find a character similar to him that i actually-#-like! Its a whole weird thing with a second dude. I have conflicting feelings about him#But basically the first dude impact on me is much more obvious (see: sunglasses) but yeah the second guy did numbers on me too#TL;DR: WHATEVER! IM GOING INSANE! ^_^
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Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.
It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????
#sometimes i feel like a prized 12 point buck and everyone is desperate to give chase so they can skin me and wear my pelt in memorium#the luxury of being seen is rarely extended to those we perceive as confident/constant in their sense of self#the path of being a child who was constantly told i was making people uncomfortable and alienating my peers#only to immediately become an adult who everyone perceives as so together that they are just Like That With Everyonr#brennan said something like this in the disection of a recent misfits and magic episode about sam (character)#and how he (as evan) realized that the charm and specialness she gifts to everyone around her means that no one ever really gifts it back#and how that fundamentally felt transcendent and revelatory for evan as a turning point idea#he'd spent so long never trusting others feelings of care for him that he couldn't see how he was bulldozing right into and over sam's own#insecurities about whether or not she is worth loving or is special in the same way#and then they had some back and forth about like#sometimes when you develop the skill of relateability and pacification#you disappear so deeply into it that no one notices you're gone - even you yourself - until it's too late#it put to words a lot of the like#gap. that i've always felt between me and others. this insistance on elevating or pathologizing me depending on where they feel the need#to be in relation to me#while having absolutely zero awareness of my actual positioning in relation to them#i have found that they way i interact with others seems to give the impression that because i am being 'genuine' and 'open' about myself#that ALSO means that I am sharing the whole of me.#and when i talk about destigmatization and shame and people work really hard to be like. aware of the edges of me to carch me embarrassed#like if they can prove that i don't 'admit' something it's because i'm ashamed as opposed to considering that maybe they don't have the kind#of relationship with me that would warrant the sharing of it#because i'm willing to talk i am no longer allowed privacy or it's treated as incongruous#but like. i am different people for different people and they are all authentically me but they are also about faciliting the version#of the other person that matters to me to be able to spend time with. i'm not going to bring the parts of me that put you in a bad mood#or aren't comfortable/safe for you. also probably not going to put those things out into the open world as a mixed company conversation#i don't know where I'm going or where I came from here but i think the point is just that I think there's melancholy in seeing when#you also don't know a reliable way to be seen in turn
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