#and its just so cool that you can actually say that him being an immigrant has affected who he is because i rarely ever see stuff like this

[lyhts-bubble]

I feel like Splinter is like one of the most underrated characters when it comes to angst. I can get Leo's popularity(and especially f!leo) with painful fics cuz he kinda caused the apocalypse and he has severe self-image issues.

But Splinter has layers to his angst like an onion. Guy literally moves to America when he's seven or so, watches his mom "disappear" forever and then forth decided that he will no longer be a ninja because of it, ignores his grandpa's teachings(which could be said to be a metaphor for his culture also), becomes a young actor where he has to fake an American accent when he's on set(definitely experienced racism in the film industry), dates a pretty lady who he wants to marry but as soon as he proposes she reveals that she is a spider lady who doesn't want to marry him but instead wants to use him for her business(the Battle Nexus). He's stuck fighting for god-knows how long until he finally gives up and makes a vow to never fight again. And then, at the lowest of his luck, he gets kidnapped(albeit willingly), captured, and TURNED INTO A RAT. Forever. Did I mention that now he also has kids??? Four of them??? And though, at first, he wanted to take care of these turtles, maybe a few years go by and he just can't. It could be for a multiple of reasons, but soon enough he becomes more and more distant to his sons. And he starts getting, like, really addicted to T.V. commercials(which he used to cope with.... well, everything).

Now he's a pathetic rat man with no culture, no bitches, no friends, the guy is kinda a shell of his old self.

You could pull so many character analyses with this guy because literally anything and everything that has happened to him could be the reason why he's the man you see in the show. He's just such a cool character in that way.

[telemy]

Completely on yours and hers(?) side in all of this. IK the main complaint is that Ant wants to rape Penelope but that wasn’t even in the original story. In an au you can change whatever you want and Jorge did exactly that w Epic as well (how the sirens look, the fact that Odysseus had wax in his ears in the song but in story was tied to the mast pole to listen to them, the ant wanting to rape Penelope etc). “It’s disrespectful to Jorge” my brother in Zeus Jorge didnt make the original story. In the shipping au I could totally see Ant going “damn can’t convince this woman to be my wife guess I gotta put the moves on the heir of the kingdom. Gonna be king one way or another” cause bro doesn’t care abt her as a person even in the story he just wants the power which is where the idea comes from and it’s a fun idea to explore!

For the age thing: Tele is 20 theres no exact age for Ant in the book but he didn’t go to war w the others 20yrs ago so he had to have been somewhere between 0-10 so at most there’s a 10yr age dif which isn’t that bad (my own parents have a 16yr age dif) Penelope is around 39 cause she got married to Odysseus at 18 and had Tele at 19 (if I’m doing the math right) and then Odysseus immediately went to war soon after his birth and took all of age/able bodied men w him (I couldn’t find the exact age of when men in Ancient Greece were “of age” but it’s gotta be somewhere between 10-16 (puberty age range).

IK google sucks recently Yall but it doesn’t take too much effort to look into this - sincerely a half Greek a half Italian that used the original Greek myths to bind w her culture cause her immigrant parents wouldn’t teach her their native language

Its good to see people from greek culture Agree with all this :]

Every Au changes depending on the creator, in my Au the only difference is that he actually does love Telemachus (and grew up with him). Its a shame that i can't know about Elian's Au because all what happened, and It hurts.

I also think that they shouldn't speak in the place of Jorge. Talya (Wich is literally Jorge's girlfriend) supported Elian and loved her art, wich doesn't give "the creator hates this' vibes..

Also, i noticed non-greek people saying stuff about greek culture and involving it on all of this, wich isn't cool..

(Im not greek, but im an Hellenistic Pagan, and i seen people say that changing myths affects the religion and offends us, wich isn't true. Thats like telling a Zeus devotee that they can't worship Zeus because he did bad stuff in the myths. Myths are myths, fictional, and they are NOT related to the religion.)

Also! In the book 22 of the actual Odyssey, wich is practically before he died, Antinous is called "Young man" wich means that he was still a Young man before he died. This in ancient greece was really Young, probs between 16-21/22/23 or so, wich means he could even be Telemachus' actual age. (Altho, i believe him being atleast 1 year older, he gives off the vibe)

Regardless, thanks for sharing your opinion on the subject, me and more people getting cancelled from all of this apreciate it, we love you 🫶

[warden-melli]

Small Melli headcanon, if you will...

The 'flying croissant' line makes me want to think Melli either actually has family in Kalos, or pretends to have Kalosian roots. Japanese people tend to have a bit of a romanticised view of France and Paris, so it'd be pretty funny to imagine Melli occasionally using French to seem more elegant and refined!

Nice catch! A lot of people seem to miss the Melli French/Kalos connection, so it’s cool that you picked up on it! I’ve actually posted several analysis/theory posts about this before, so it’s always a topic I’m keen to discuss!

I firmly believe that he does have Kalosian ancestry, as hinted at in several point during the story, so I’m fully with you there. As for him only pretending to be Kalosian? It’s an interesting headcanon that’s for sure, and would make sense for a character that is so focused on projecting a certain image like Melli is, but I think there’s several factors that make that unlikely, at least for me to subscribe to it personally

It’s important to note that Melli actually speaks French several times during the game, so I think it’s pretty likely that he has some real connections to Kalos. We know that the Diamond clan are the descendants of immigrants who came across the sea to settle in Hisui, so I think it’s pretty likely that he could be the child of Kalosian immigrants, and that he’s learned the language from them. Mai confirms that he grew up with the Diamond clan, and with the clan being as isolated as they are, I can’t really think of another way he would even be aware of Kalos, its language, or of the way its perceived culturally without some sort of family tie to educate him. Especially as no other member of the Diamond clan shows any knowledge of the French language, or displays any overt references to its culture. It seems to be unique to Melli and seems to hold a great significance to him, which is a super interesting aspect of his character

You’re right! While it’s very true that the Japanese have a romanticised view of France, that comes from a long history of positive interactions between the two countries. This includes trade, cultural exchanges, and immigration. If we assume that the Pokémon world’s versions will the two countries share a similar history, I think it’s very likely that Kalosian immigrants could have settled in Hisui, especially as we know those outside trade connections are only being established at the time PLA takes place

It’s also important to note that when Melli does speak French/Kalosian, it is always in context, and is alternated into his “regular” speech, a phenomena common to people who are bilingual, or are the children of people who speak a language at home that’s different from the one most commonly spoken in the area they live in. There’s even the croissant line itself, which can be interpreted two ways. The first, that when he calls Cresselia a croissant, that he is referencing the pastry. Something he really shouldn’t be aware of growing up in an isolated Hisuian clan. The second is that he was actually just alternating speaking French, and was just commenting on cresselia’s moon (or crescent) shape, as opposed to saying she resembled the pastry (who is also named for its shape. Croissant is literally the French word for crescent) Either way he seems to have a knowledge of Kalosian language/culture that seems unusual/impossible for someone who grew up in Hisui, far away from Kalos or any Kalosian people

I think for me though one of the biggest problems with this as a theory is that the Diamond Clan is small, and as mentioned earlier it’s confirmed that Melli grew up with them. It wouldn’t make sense for him to pretend to be Kalosian if he actually wasn’t, when he grew up in a community where everyone knows him, his family, and could easily disprove any false claims. The Galaxy team has only been in Hisui for a short time (Jubilife village has only existed for 2 years at the time of PLA), and the Diamond and Pearl clans had limited interactions before the Galaxy team helped organise a truce between them. With this in mind we know Melli has had very minimal interactions with people outside of his clan for his entire life. There’s just no way I could see him getting away with a lie like that in such a small, insular community like the Diamond clan

Most importantly of all, Melli never actually ever claims to be Kalosian at any point. Melli’s overconfidence is a deliberate persona, and one that isn’t exactly subtle. If he wanted you to perceive him as Kalosian, he would outright tell you, as opposed to dropping subtle hints

But, as a headcanon it’s really fun, and is an interesting way to interpret Melli’s seemingly random Kalosian references, and I think it fits really well with some aspects of his character. Personally, I believe that Melli pretends to be a lot of things, but Kalosian just isn’t one of them

This is just my personal opinion, based on my own interpretation though, and it fine (and cool) that you perceive him differently ^^

[sideblogdotjpeg]

hello unfortunately i thought even more about sol + swag as an analogy for being asian and it is . making me unwell. i am putting it under the cut for the main reason that it is stupid beyond belief

OK. so. hear me out .

STUPID REASONS WHY SOL IS ASIAN:

(and hint: this is all me projecting 100%)

1) moist frog who immediately turns off when it gets too cold. SOUTHEASTASIAN BOY AS FUCK (to me). guy who thinks thirty degrees celsius is pleasant temperature. guy who thinks that anything below 25C is sweater weather. guy who is soo sweaty and moist all the time (the humidity) and that is not only a natural state, but a preferrable state. 20 degrees is too cold. anything below 0 is actually not functional.

anyway. sol bufo. keepin it warm and gross. if its too cold and dry he immediately hibernates. king

2) idk if anyone reading this has seen shaolin soccer. but sol bufo. could clump shaolin soccer. essentially what im saying is sol bufo is like a buff asian jock. which is kinda goofy and goodnatured and loud and also very obnoxious. i cannot articulate this very well. but. what can i say except a human version of sol bufo was delivered to me in a dream and it was every buff chinese classmate ive ever met.

3) (you will notice the reasons get progressively more stupid and more deeply specific)

sol bufo would love milo. omg. like. chocolate drink in a juice box container that is branded as a sports/energy drink and also green. also the guy on the front of the packet milo. sol bufo coded. tbh

anyway. milo isnt strictly southeast asian..? but. yes it is actually.

4) the whole monk class is extremely steeped in asian 'aesthetics' anyway. i mean. ki. so whatever i can claim this monk for me thats my right

NONSTUPID BUT STILL KIND OF SILLY REASONS:

and this is also me projecting 100%. obviously all delusion. so i guess see this as a for-fun reading of the sol/swag storyline through the lens of a very specific of asianness

okay so. swag right. his journey is about leaving his home where he was comfortable and safe but also very confined. mothership lures him to ezry w the promise of opportunity & seeing the world, making something of himself. he ends up being exploited for his body and skills. and he runs away, but his blood still oils up the mothership cogs.

so anyway. i think its pretty clear how that cld map onto like . an immigrant experience? leaving home because of the need to find urself, but simultaneously, the threat of exploitation at the hands of ppl who see you as a potential profit to be mined. this is the first part

the part that is more crazy to me is his experience in irondeep. like, when he left moonstone he left his entire community. now hes alone ... and he cant go back. (he is stranded physically, emotionally). and at this low point, of true and utter loneliness and purposelessness, comes along bronzebeard industries. they offer him a job - but more importantly, they offer him connections.

like. thinking about how were introduced to swag. its not at his job, its his downtime, its when hes hanging out with his coworkers, when hes surrounded by 'friends'. w people who think hes cool, and the people who think hes a "sucker".

idk! but i think this also relates rlly strongly to a common experience of being international? like. when you know you are permenantly lost from home. what you want more than anything is to feel the same community and sense of belonging you used to have. and it is very easy for that desire to ge manipulated. (like - im just gonna mention the one specific instance that ive seen. which is like. international students on college campuses getting targeted a lot by christian groups. because they know those people are lonely and want a feeling of shared tradition and practice. anyway. this is one specific example but also this is literally what happens to lyddie and sister rosaline :-| )

anyway so in summary: swags story of hope/idealism, exploitation, and loneliness leading him to be a very good pawn. i think that is something that could potentially be read as the experiences of ppl dislocated internationally from their home. and im saying its asian because I Want To.

... and sol! okay. i think very simply: sol is super white-washed. total banana. and thats part of his character. he is a moonstone bullywug who never knew his own home, and still, has never even seen moonstone with his own eyes. he does not know his own history. (and kinda tangent, the place where he spends the majority of his life is in launchpad, a sanitized corporate version of reality. and i mean, the whole 'boy wizard and frog pal' is very clearly alluding to harry potter. like. its white.) but ignoring that, the essence of his character is like. this is a guy who does not know where he came from

and currently? a large part of his arc is about trying to unravel his identity by figuring out where (who) he came from. swag daniels is his one link to a community hes just now found out he has. that is a part of why hes trying so hard to save swag. swag is his family - specifically the parts about family you cant choose. that is hard, complicated and how you understand where the parts of yourself track back to.

like. i think a lot about how the pivotal moments of connection between swag and sol are all about swag... showing sol what moonstone is like. in a dream, he lets sol experience what that place is like. that place is a muggy swamp. idk. swag is taking sol back home. that fucks me up a lot

... anyway digression aside. i think one of the most painful things gg on rn w sols arc rn is. how its looking right now. sol is going to lose swag. sol is going to have to come to terms w losing swag. sol for the first time, yearns to know who he is and who he came from. but by the time he went looking it was too late. his time is up. that moment of connection was brief and gone. there are so many questions about their history that sol will never know now

so obviously this kind of dips a bit into metaphor at the end. swag represents connection to cultural history and heritage and identity. and in that lens, it reads to ME as a story abt being asian and disconnected from ur roots. but anyway. even without that lens i think sols story is still v much abt cultural estrangement

(i also have a very loose and unformed thought: which is that sols journey from wanting to stand out/be special to wanting to find a place of belonging. is ALSO INCREDIBLY RESONANT to the experience of being whitewashed asian... ESPECIALLY for ppl who do come from asia. and how that also relates to the tragedy of wanting to understand ur roots when its already too late. but . i dont rlly know if that is a common experience so. itll be noodling in my head for now)

anyway. my essay. and yes this is all make believe in my head . TLDR: i think swags an immigrant sols a banana and i am fucking insane thanks everyone

also if u read this all and want to know what part of this long ramble actly answers the question of why i think theyre asian. well. you know what.

[crystalelemental]

Yeah, loved that movie! The second and third were hard favorites, I adored both.

You don’t need a Switch. It’s bad. Not as egregiously bad as Alola, mechanically, or as much of a performance nightmare as ScarVi, but it’s just…empty. It has even worse nonsensical story and antagonist stuff than XY, your rivals now exist solely for you to beat the shit out of and ruin their dreams, and the game just has nothing in it. In a rare move, Pokemon caught up to mechanical changes, and realized hey, we can make EXP All mandatory and balance around that! But the tradeoff was you no longer need a ton of encounters like the old days, so routes take like ten minutes to get through and have nothing going on. There’s a whole Fairy-themed witch forest with glowing mushrooms and shit, an area so aligned to my preferred aesthetics it’s unreal, and I feel nothing for the area because nothing happened. It has no personality.

ScarVi is the same issue. It’s a huge open world where nothing stands out because so much of it is just the same open fields. Different locales exist but it’s all just more of the same. Mountain’s cool but nothing specifically occurs there. It lacks substance. But at least Galar’s endgame actually scales in a way that can create a difficult experience. …oh god, do I like Galar more than Paldea?

Anyway the only good Switch game is Legends Arceus. Only play that one if you do get a Switch.

XY just didn’t get to shine, but I think people are too dismissive of Lysandre’s aims as being disconnected. It’s easy to chalk him up to making no sense, but honestly, I think they did better with him than they’re given credit for, if you think of him as a garden variety tech bro with fascist tendencies. His entire worldview boils down to things are worse than they were at an unspecified point in the past, and I care deeply about returning to a better world that people ruined, but great problems require great men to provide great solutions, and nothing can be allowed to check their authority lest it inhibit their greatness. He surrounds himself with the rich and powerful because those are, to his mind, the pioneers of the future. He understands basic human decency and values it greatly enough that he insists employees take breaks and such, but would absolutely go on the same rants as my grandparents about how these immigrants need to use the proper channels to get into the country and not send us these druggies. Through that lens, every single action and belief he holds makes sense and tracks with his actions, but it’s just so easy to say his actions don’t align to what he claims to believe and call it bad writing.

That’s why I love the escalation segment, and that your character has to make a choice of button for the weapon. The significance isn’t whether you were right or wrong, it’s that you chose at all. You took everyone’s lives in your hands and made what you believed was the best call for everyone else, regardless of the possible outcomes. Just like he does. After all, your protagonist is exceptional. The game’s easy; the best challenges the region can offer are simple to you. Of course what he might say makes some sense. Why shouldn’t you make this choice? Who’s better equipped than you are? It takes some digging, but I think XY had more to its story than it really got to dig in to.

[scarlethoodi]

I only read Audible books so I can’t make actual book content like the cool kids on Booktok, Booktube, etc so I’m putting my 2022 top 10 books here

Dishonorable Mention

You Made A Fool of Death with your Beauty

I fucking hated this book. 2/5 on goodreads. Plot didn’t make sense and the main character pissed me off; never should’ve messed with that man’s daddy (who is also a weirdo). The use of grief was essentially a means to justify the weird plot and say everyone but the main character was wrong. I’m getting mad all over again

10) LilyReads (YouTuber) book club pick that I thought was a romance but I’m glad it wasn’t. In fact I was surprised at the direction it took, but the journey of self discovery was fun in its own messy way

9) I said I wasn’t going to read any white people romance but I’ve seen enough reviews to want to check some out. And I love a good friends to lovers despite what the “haters” say

8) The overall book is okay but the ending is what makes it great. It all started coming together so fast but it perfectly sets up the next book which I can’t wait to get.

Also quick honorable mention: Cinderella is Dead was also a fun read

7) Jake the boy that you are. Did I need that much insight into Sawyer’s mind-no could’ve gone without it. But I’m not mad at it and the contrast between the two of them really made the story what it is.

6) Massive trigger warning: Child Abuse

God this book had me on edge and if I think about the ending too much I start to shake. A book about how so many people can fail a little girl and the consequences of it all around how the only person who seems to care being said missing girl’s best friend. I could cry

5) Another LilyReads book club pick and the most fun I had out of them all. Very fun and enjoyable, I loved the narrative of the way it handled body autonomy

4) All children are charming as an adjective, but you’re charming as a verb if that isn’t an amazing quote. This book was a very fun book and surprisingly my very first male focus YA/romance. Henri was a fun character to see the world through and the narrative of him feeling like an outsider surrounding by those rich kids and trying to balance his own goals along with his parents plus dating. Oh Corinne was just the best here, I was practically shaking when the reveal of his betrayal came in. Also bonus points for not pulling a “we’re teens so in love, how can we separate for different colleges?” I wish them all the best

3) I only checked this out cause I saw it on Goodreads so I wasn’t expecting its content. This was an eye opener and a very emotional read that I gladly told my sisters about. Following an elderly immigrant women at sessions in an unemployment office as she tells her life story to you (the unknown presence of the social worker who is only revealed at the end). It makes me wish that community was reveal

2) Was so excited to get a chance at reading this and it definitely met my standards. F the noise (bad reviews), I got one think it makes perfect sense to fight fire with fire. Hell I think Wu Zetian could’ve been a bit more unhinged at some points. And everyone she killed deserved it, hell probably worse. Also answering a possible love triangle with polyamory *chefs kiss* thank you. Will be reading the sequel

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl Boss, Get away with Murder

1) Beautiful world building, diverse and interesting characters with great powers to match-when I get my shit together I will be making fanart. Between this and Cemetery Boys Aiden Thomas is definitely one of my favorite authors so the moment I can I will get physical copies of this book. If you love Percy Jackson I do recommend. My favorite book of the year.

This book was so much fun and a overall joy. I love the combination of fantasy and modern elements, the whole gods among us plus the power play/oppression build into the society. Trans representation that acknowledges said fantasy elements so it introduces different aspects of gender presentation. The slow burn of a rivals to friends (to maybe lovers). Each trial had me on edge as you saw the clear difference in Golds who were raised for this vs Teo and Xio, two Jades not on equal grounds. The betrayal that sets up the end and sequel book. I will be there consuming all of it

This concludes my very unserious reviews of my Top 10 book list of 2022. Follow me on Goodreads I guess, I do plan to use it more next year

[chocolatey-umbreon]

TMA Season 5 Live Blog

Episode 164 - Sick Village

Damn Okay. This provides a much clearer understanding of what the Corruption is. I really really like these deep dives into each fear. I honestly didn’t give much thought to the Corruption because I didn’t dig more than my superficial understanding of it as just fear of sickness and filth. I remember that statement about a guy’s father in law who desperately tried to get rid of a fungus in his house but never could. That one did show the actual terror and fear of the Corruption and not just like the disgust part of the situation that I mostly associated with it.

The description on this episode goes even further on that, obviously, and even gets to this idea I hadn’t thought about with the purity and the preservation of the village. I’m not very clever when it comes to literary analysis and I haven’t really sat down to reflect on the Fears more than what I can gather while listening. So now that I hear it, it seems obvious, but I hadn’t considered this less literal part of the Corruption, for it to be also fear of the outsider. Just like illness coming from something foreign to the body and making its way inside until it takes over and destroys what once seemed pure, of course the corruption also applies to the fear of people or even concepts that infiltrate your apparently beautiful, clean, and perfect community to rot and consume it from inside.

On a big scale it’s clearly like when a fascist empire designate the unwanted people to exterminate and use propaganda to make people fear them and hate them and it’s easy to go “oh yeah that’s not me, I wouldn’t be a fascist emperor, I am alright with immigration, etc.” but the fear of what’s foreign and apparently disgusting or impure is something that everyone has and everyone has to take steps to overcome all the time. Even with like. your own thoughts. The fear of not only your body but also your own mind being wrong while you’re sure it didn’t use to be like that, and now you fear that you’re tainted, an irredeemable monster. The part about the villagers fearing that they themselves are not only corrupted but the outsiders to their community, the harbingers of corruption is also really cool.

It’s all very exciting I love being given this opportunity to explore each fear with both greater depth and greater scope. (By the way I’m not intending these post to like.. actually break down everything the episode is saying because the episode is right there saying everything much better so why bother. These posts are just me rambling whatever comes to mind while typing.)

Okay now about the next part.

I had to pause it because Martin asking Jon questions and him having all the answers made me uneasy for some reason. I mean. It’s like. I’m scared of what he’s going to say, I’m scared that he’s going to say something scary lol as stupid as that sounds. I assume Jon can’t be sure what Melanie and Georgie are up to because Melanie took her eyes out and Georgie has that immunity to fear.

This makes me wonder. What does Elias know about Georgie? He was watching Jon while he stayed with her in her house so he must have realized that he couldn’t watch her. And I guess he could have figured out her story once Jon knew it, because he could see into Jon’s mind. If he was looking for it. And if I were someone who wants to be the omnipotent omniscient ruler of the world and knew there was someone immune to me then I would be looking for it. But then has he done anything about it? Will he?

“A post apocalyptic google” I love him.

Also damn they dare give me that little smile right before punching me with the question “Can we turn the world back?”

Okay more more rambling but

I feel so Powerless in my rational head when I try to understand why but. Just thinking about Jon and Martin. About them loving each other right here right now and knowing it and being together. Fills me with this overwhelming bittersweetness I can’t put into words and the second I think about it I break down sobbing. Helen being all cute about it is funny and I was kind of chucking but it turned into crying immediately and I just can’t rationalize what’s going on. So I’ll just. leave it at this.

Anyway I love Helen I want them to be friends.

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Mag 31

Fuck yes First Hunt!! All the girlies love First Hunt! <3

It's great that the episode opens by telling you the entire meaning of the Hunt as an Entity; killing was always besides the point. The chase is the thing. This is what separates the Hunt from the Slaughter (in addition to the Hunt being about intimate violence while the Slaughter is about impersonal mass violence). The Slaughter is all about the kill; the Hunt plays with its food.

So the Hunt is one of the Entities that I just enjoy without over analysing it too much (by my standards anyway; I am a person who will be posting a commentary for all 200 episodes of TMA largely for my own amusement). It's not one of the Entities that really terrifies me or that I really emphasise with, in universe I don't think I'd be in any particular danger of being consumed or claimed by it. I just think it's a vibe. I have fun with the Hunt! Like, hunting prey/being hunted by a predator seems a bit too outdoorsy for me, but I get it and if it's your thing then I love that for you.

I guess I'm saying I think I want to be friends with a Hunt avatar? I think we'd get along great. Maybe I just want a werewolf girlfriend?

Anyway I love this statement, it's one of my favourites.

And a big part of why this is a favourite of mine is the statement-giver Lawrence Mortimer. What a guy! He's just such a jolly, cheerful dude. I love all his weird turns of phrase and the way he's so I genuinely excited and enthusiastic about going on his little adventure. As much as I love Jonny's voicework on this one, I really wish we'd gotten to meet him in person. He's got dorky dad energy for me.

Fuck I've just realised how much he reminds me of my actual dad. Two screenshots in and this is becoming and epsiode of Revelations for me.

Amazing. Imagine travelling alone to another country to meet an absolute stranger who you've only ever spoken to via message board, but who is openly a gun nut that wants to take you on a remote hike in the wilderness. Men really do be living in a different world, don't they?

Haha fuck yes Lawrence! I love this guy!! He's a funny little man.

Oh god the mortifying ordeal of realising that you've committed to spending a prolonged period of time alone with an extrovert. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Also I have to assume that the part about being laughed at for his accent is written from either personal or anecdotal experience, because I ran this by one of my best friends who immigrated from England to Australia when we were teenagers and he was like 'Yes, everyone did that to me incessantly for years, especially you Reeah, because you're a bad person and a terrible friend.'

(He loves me. I will be a bridesmaid at his wedding next year. His accent is cringe tho. Imagine being British. 😬)

Okay, BIG YIKES here. This is the only thing about this epsiode that I really dislike. As mentioned above I'm Australian. We have strict gun control here and I generally cannot stand anyone who likes guns or thinks of them as cool fun toys. Massive red flag. Especially if you add the entire premise of the episode; hunting and killing animals for sport, another thing that I absolutely loathe irl!

But mostly I don't mind just letting these things go in this instance. Partially because, as I said, it's the premise of the episode and engaging with a story demands a certain amount of good faith. The other reason I have figured out while typing this; it's because Lawrence's general sense of wonder and enthusiasm about guns reminds me of my dad and his most beloved special interest -- WWI era tanks. The Tiger 1 is his favourite and he is overcome with joy and excitement every time he gets a chnace to talk about it. If I can let go over my objections regarding the military for long enough to allow my dad to re-tell the story of the time he got special permission to go inside the Tiger 1 at the the tank museum, I guess I can let this fictional man enjoy his fictional gun holiday.

More big yikes!! Hate this!! Terrible!!

Geuinely the worst thing I can imagine encountering out in the wilderness is just a guy with bad energy singing a creepy little song. I'd take a bear or something any day of the week. At least I know what a bear's deal is.

Very telling that two grown men (both of whom are down for a days long hike through the wild with an internet stranger) immediately pick up on this dude's terrible vibes and seemingly agree instantly and silently to not help him or offer any information about themselves. Girlies having each other backs in the club energy.

Ahhh! I hate this!! He stopped to get their scents!! What would you even do? Like, obviously they are doomed form this point because he's chosen them as targets and won't let them escape, but if it were me I'd still be tempted to risk a night hike to get the fuck out there.

Attention all creepy strangers in the woods: stay the fuck away from me (unless you are a werewolf and interested in being my girlfriend).

I'd completely forgotten this part! So the Hunter hung around their camp all night making sure they couldn't sleep. Do we think this was because he wanted to make sure that they would be tired and afraid for the big chase tomorrow, or is this just like the murderer's version of edging?

[honeydjarin]

We Fall Like Stars

din djarin x reader

The whole galaxy is laid bare before you, and so is Din’s heart

warnings: very brief implication of smut

genre: fluff

word count: 3,200

a/n: apparently I’ve been in the mood for being really soft with din because that’s all I can seem to write these days

The wind blows through the tall grasses of Cophrigin V, hissing as the dry blades brush against each other. There is no other sound except for the occasional bleat from the herd of wild horned goats in the distance where they graze. Their large horns look almost like bleached skulls in the fading light of the sun. Soon their pale faces will be all you can see of them as the stars do their best to illuminate the empty planet. 

This system is quiet. 

While you have traveled to many isolated planets with your Mandalorian companion and his small green son, most of those planets at least have other inhabitants. But no one has immigrated to this system, a fact which makes the planet around you seem that much more empty. 

Cophrigin V is warm with the heat of its summer, though you doubt winter here feels all that different from its warmest months. The sinking of the sun below the horizon doesn’t bring a chill to your face the way you might have expected on other planets you’ve traveled to. You’ve been here for several rotations already, but the comforting warmth of night still comes as a slight shock to you. 

Inside the Razor Crest Din is feeding Grogu. The child babbles incoherently but Din speaks to him as though they are having a full conversation. The light inside the Crest now shines about as bright as the setting sun on the horizon, your eyes barely needing to adjust as you step back onto the ship to join them. 

There’s no need for you to speak as you walk towards your little family. Din merely gives you a nod before turning his attention back to Grogu. You take your time settling on a crate near the pair, leaning back against the wall in an attempt to get comfortable. There is absolutely nowhere for you to be right now, and you intend to soak up every minute of your little vacation. 

You let your eyes slide closed, then take a deep breath, just because you can. You leave the loading ramp down, allowing as much fresh air to flow through the Crest as possible without fear. There are no predators to worry about here, no bounty hunters to chase you, and no Imperial remnants hiding in the fields. Your family is safe here.  

The only worry pressing on your mind is whether or not there will be crumbs left on the ground for you to clean once the child is done with his meal. The answer is undoubtedly yes. When Grogu is finally finished with his meal, Din takes him to the little hammock hanging in the small sleeping quarters. It’s the perfect size for his tiny body and it doesn’t take long for him to drift off to sleep. 

You raise the loading ramp while Din attends to Grogu. As the sun sets further the light inside the Razor Crest grows brighter than the world around it, and you don’t want to risk any lizards or insects making their way inside the ship because they saw the light. Then you deal with cleaning up the crumbs. Din finally comes back to you as finish cleaning up. 

“He tired himself out today,” he says. A light chuckle puffs through his vocoder, sounding more like static than an actual laugh.

“Doesn’t he always?” He doesn’t respond, just tugs you close to him, pressing his forehead to yours. The beskar of his helmet is cool against your skin, a welcome contrast to the mild heat of Cophrigin V.

You don’t move for a long time, the two of you just taking a moment to breathe. You hadn’t realized how fast everything was moving until Din had taken you here. His helmet slips from your forehead to the crook of your neck, pulling you even closer against him. You stay just like that until the heat of you spreads to his cuirass, warming the beskar wherever it presses into you. 

°°°°

It’s hot.

That’s the first thing you realize when you wake up.

The air is difficult to breathe and your clothes cling to your skin everywhere that Din touches and even some places where he doesn’t. The temperature of Cophrigin V must have risen in the night, promising that the day will be even hotter when the sun finally does rise.

Without the ship’s engine designating power to control the temperature within the Crest, something that has been unnecessary for the past few days with the weather being so mild, the heat of the planet sinks in through the durasteel walls and into your skin. The open door to your little sleeping quarters does nothing to help the air circulate and cool you down. 

As much as you love being close to Din, you need to create some space between your bodies. You slowly struggle out of the little nook, the cool durasteel floor pressing into your bare feet as you stand nearly makes you sigh in relief. It doesn’t feel so hot anymore now that you're not held against another body, but you’re too awake now to be able to crawl back in with Din and Grogu and fall back to sleep. Instead of going back to bed, you grab one of Din’s shirts and change out of your sweat soaked clothes before making your way to the ship’s control panel.  

You let down the main ramp, not the one built for loading large cargo but the smaller one on the side of the ship, perfect for people to walk down. It’s well oiled, nearly silent as it lowers to the grassy ground below. The only problem with lowering the ramp is that it causes a light rumble throughout the ship, one that might wake Din up on any other planet where safety is an issue. 

When the ramp touches the ground you pause, listening to see if Din or Grogu stir, just in case. All you hear is the slow breathing of your family still sleeping. 

You step down the ramp and out into the fresh air. It feels cooler outside the ship despite the heat within being caused by the outside temperature. There’s a breeze outside that almost sounds like the ocean as it rushes past the field and brushes against your heated skin.

The earth gives beneath your bare feet as you step off the ramp and into the grass. The blades are tough and prevent you from sinking all the way down to the soil. Maybe if it had just rained the mud would squeeze up around the individual blades, but Cophrigin V is dry tonight. There’s not a cloud in sight in the sky above the ship. 

A series of divots run up the side of the ship, too small to really affect the way the Razor Crest flies but big enough for hands to grasp. They're meant to be a makeshift ladder in the event that the ship experiences maintenance issues while in a location too far away from civilization to obtain the typical step ladders and lifts most mechanics have in their shops. They’re perfect for your purpose right now. 

You try your best not to bang your elbows and knees against the ship as you climb, not wanting to wake the still sleeping occupants with the resounding bangs that would surely echo through the hull. Still, it takes more effort than you had anticipated to scale the side of the ship and your ascent is less than elegant. You’re out of breath by the time you reach the top, rolling onto the roof of the crest so you don’t fall while you try to calm your aching lungs once more. It takes a moment for you to be able to sit up, but it becomes clear that the effort to make the climb up the ship was worth it as soon as you do.  

Your spot on the ship feels like the top of the world, and the whole galaxy lies bare before you. 

The stars light up the sky far more than you would have expected for such small pinpricks of light. But there are just so many of them, and there is absolutely nothing to obscure your view of the distant systems stretched out before you. The sky looks almost purple from the light of them. Some patches of the firmament are more bare than others, holding a dark hue, while other stretches of the sky hold so many stars you could almost imagine grasping them. 

Several appear to fall from their places, dislodged by some unseen force. Realistically you know they aren’t stars at all, just falling debris burning up in Cophrigin V’s atmosphere. But they look too magical to accept such a simple solution. 

“Din needs to see this,” you whisper to yourself. You’re afraid that if you speak any louder the stars will hear and they’ll startle, hiding away before Din can even make it outside the Crest. You feel a slight rumbling rising from the base of your spine and you fear that the stars are already upset with you breaking the silence even this much.     

You turn to make your way back down the shallow ladder, mentally preparing yourself for the slow climb. You anticipate the descent will be more difficult than the climb up had been, having no sightline on the shallow divots beneath you, but before you can turn to climb down, a silver head pops up over the edge. 

Din’s helmet, kept pristine by both material and care, reflects a warped image of the sky above, tinted almost purple in the dark of night. His black visor looks like a void surrounded by the glow of beskar, and it’s angled directly at you. 

“What are you doing up here?” he asks softly. His voice is still thick with sleep and the sound of it brings a smile to your lips. 

He rolls fully onto the roof of the Razor Crest far more gracefully than you had and with next to no effort. It must be one of the perks of being good at bounty hunting. You tug his arm, pulling him towards you with his help before you answer.

“I couldn’t sleep,” you murmur, “and I wanted to see the stars.” 

Din makes a noise in the back of his throat, some sort of acknowledgement without the effort of speaking. He must have woken up comfortably to still have so much of the effect of sleep still clinging to him. 

“What woke you up?” you ask, keeping your eyes trained on the spot where you know his own are hidden rather than turning to look back out at the stars. There will be plenty of time for that later, and it will be all the sweeter because now you’ll be able to share them with Din. 

“I heard you clamoring around up here, just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He plops his head against your shoulder, sighing as he settles there. His bare fingers reach out to fiddle with the hem of your shirt, the backs of them just barely brushing against the warm skin of your side. Suddenly he pops up again, this time with more energy than you've seen from him since he put Grogu to bed. “This is my shirt!”

You can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up in your chest, so you cover your mouth to muffle the sound. You fall back onto the roof in your fit with a much louder thud than you would have expected, and both you and Din freeze. 

You wait for the sound of whining to break the silence, expecting the familiar noise of short cries and yawps that the child emits whenever he is startled, but the sound never comes. Grogu is still asleep in his hammock, and you release the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

Rather than sitting up again, you tug at the sleeve of Din’s shirt—it’s one that matches the shirt you stole, just like it matches almost all of his other shirts. He takes the hint and leans back on the roof beside you. His own shift into the new position is much smoother than yours had been, the muffled sound of his back hitting the durasteel much quieter than your thud. He’s not wearing the majority of his armor, a rare sight for you to see, meaning the clink of steel on steel is absent from his movement. 

Only his helmet remains on, as it almost always does when he sleeps, and a single vambrace with controls to the ship that you imagine he put on when he woke up. It wasn’t there when the arm war wrapped around you as you slept. 

“Aren’t they beautiful?” you ask, eyes finally turned back towards the stars that you had so desperately wanted to share with Din. He hums his assent, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you into his side even as his eyes take in the sky above. 

Now that you are no longer trapped within the Crest, curled up with Din beneath Grogu’s furnace of a body, the temperature is comfortable. The night is warmer than it has been over the past few days but it no longer feels suffocating. The breeze continues to help cool you down and you can finally enjoy being tucked into your Mandalorian’s side. 

He shifts again, hands reaching up towards his face, and you hear a quiet hiss emanating from beside you. You hear the near silent thunk of metal against the durasteel ship beneath you and your breath hitches. It seems you’ve struggled to breathe easy for one reason or another ever since you climbed the ship. This time it’s out of shock. You can’t bring yourself to turn your head, knowing exactly what you would see if you did. You can’t let your eyes wander to anywhere but the stars above.

Din took off his helmet. 

You recognize the sound immediately, though it is not one you hear often enough to consider to be totally familiar. He takes it off on occasion when the Crest is steeped in darkness. When he holds you a little closer than usual at night, lips exploring your skin as want becomes too strong to deny. You love those moments, rare as they may be, even though you can’t see him. It’s enough just to feel him so completely. 

He’s taken his helmet off in the light before too, not as often, but you have seen his face in the past. Those times always seemed different, like his helmet was removed out of necessity. He very rarely takes it off just for you to see him. 

You allow your eyes to slide closed rather than risk them seeking out the curve of his lips and the gleam of his eyes instead of the sky, because you know you will always find him more beautiful than the stars above.      

“Cyare, you’ve seen me like this before,” he murmurs, stroking his thumb along your cheek before turning your head to face him fully. He runs the pads of his fingers just below your closed eyes, being gentle with the fragile skin, hoping to coax them open once more. 

“Anyone else could see you here with your helmet off. What would we do then?” you deflect. Despite the obvious worry laced in your tone, you whisper, the fear of your voice traveling through the ship to Grogu and waking him from his sleep forces you to stay quieter than you would like. 

“There is no one else around to see me, this planet is unsettled. Kriff, this whole system is unsettled. There is no need to worry.” He leans in close to you, pressing a quick but firm kiss to your forehead as if doing so will help you understand. Then, when your features start to relax once more, and your worry begins to fade, he presses another kiss to your lips, this one slow and sweet. It’s enough to get you to forget exactly why you were worried in the first place.

He kisses you until you're breathless—you seem to always be breathless tonight—and when he’s finally has his fill he pulls back only far enough to leave his forehead pressed to yours. It feels different with the helmet off. It’s just as sweet, only now you get to feel the heat of him rather than waiting for yours to warm his beskar just enough to be able to pretend it’s not your own heat. His fingers grasp your hips, keeping you grounded.

“I just wanted to show you the stars,” you mumble, too kiss drunk to think about forming the words properly. You chase his lips again, seeking more of him. 

“Cyar’ika, it’s my duty to show you the stars.” He speaks the words like a promise against your lips, sealing them with another kiss. You know he doesn’t mean right here, at this moment. You know that he’s referring to his work, or how you must constantly keep moving to keep all of you safe. But the whole galaxy seems to be bursting in your chest, glowing right beside your thrumming heart, and you're not entirely sure that this isn’t what he meant with his words.

 Din has shown you countless planets and star systems during your time together, but the main reason you enjoy traveling so often is because Din is alway with you. 

You pull him in so close that he’s forced to shift his weight, your gravity tugging until his own chest is pressed to yours, his heart beating right beside the spot where he’s forced the stars to ignite within your own chest. You want to tell him that this is what you really need, that you just need him to be here with you, safe, but you can’t stop kissing him. 

A shrieking sound rings out beyond the ship, it’s tone grating but short. 

The two of you startle, sitting up and gazing out into the dark sea of grass below. A white, skull-like face framed by three horns stands out against the darkness. One of the horned goats has wandered in your direction, grazing on the long grass just a stone’s throw from the Razor Crest. 

It’s just a goat, the biggest threat you might find out here.  

Din sits up fully and picks up his helmet from beside him. He fiddles with something on it before a beam of light filters out, illuminating the grass below. The sudden light aimed at the horned goat is enough to startle it, perhaps as much as it had startled you, and the creature runs off to join its herd once more. Din waits until he is certain the animal is gone before shutting off the light once more.

You expect him to put the helmet back on after being startled like that. Even though it wasn’t a person, the goat was a reminder of how if a person were to approach, Din would be exposed to their prying eyes. You wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to cover his face again. 

Instead, he sets the helmet down by his side once more. Then he leans back until he is lying down again, pulling you with him and tucking you back into his side.

“You're right,” he says, finally taking a moment to look up. “They are beautiful.”  

@unmitigatedsuperiority thank you for listening to me ramble about this man even when he doesn’t live rent free in your head

[noco7]

Who are your favorite TD characters and why? :]

Thank you for the ask. And I have 3 main favorites.

So Noah, Cody, and Courtney. NoCoCo. Lol

Let's get into it:

Noah:

When I say Noah is me, I mean he manages to encompass a lot of phases that I had in my own life.

When I was in middleschool, I was the "smart kid." And I was also bad at sports. So Noah's dodgeball elimination is like... uncomfortably familiar to me. I don't think his actions were "stupid" or "bad writing," nah it’s truth in television. As a kid I was TOLD to stay on the bench whenever possible, and let the real athletes perform. So Noah staying on the sidelines... nah that makes sense. He's internalized the message.

#NoahDidNothingWrong

Even his tantrum at the end of the episode is familiar. Although I've never been that bad, there was a moment when I was playing badminton in gym. I lost a match, and I thought to myself "Well, I know more about X then he ever will. So who's the TRUE winner?"

It's so juvenile, lmao. Taking the "everyone has different strengths :)" and making it into “my strength is the Best.” 

Another thing that I like Noah for is for his... "vibes." He's always acting unimpressed, always like 'who cares' turning up his nose at joy. And that's how I acted my first year of college! (I was 17, so only 1 year older than Noah lol). Because I thought it made me cool or something. But it's just overcompensation, really.

And Noah being "smart," but never actually doing anything useful. Yeah... it happens. That was me junior year of college. Everyone is like "oh you were so smart in highschool," "you're the smart one," But you have nothing to show for it.

God, he's relatable. He's a mix of all the things I dislike in myself, including the "laziness" aspect. So by the very act of liking him, by writing stories where he is comforted, understood, told it's okay to be vulnerable - it feels like I'm loving myself.

Oh, and also Noah is funny af? I decided he was my favorite character before I watched Total Drama. I was watching compilation videos of "funniest lines," "most saveage combacks," or "TD being gay for 5 minutes" and Noah was popping off! Noah has some of the best dialogue.  And that appeals to another side of me I dislike - my judgemental side. So like.... 5/5 on the relatability scale.

Also, I think its funny I've not mentioned Noah's role in TD *at all*. Because he doesn't really have one? His job for TDI and WT is for him to comment on other people. That's it. And that’s fine, that’s the side-character life. No complaints.

I know some people say "Noah warned the guys about Alejandro." And like yeah, he did. But I'm pretty sure Owen and Tyler lowkey already knew. And then once Noah is gone, Owen does nothing about Alejandro? He has to be coaxed by Duncan into doing anything. And then Alejandro just flatters and hypnotizes him? And Tyler gets used for the Gwuncan plotline? So his warning does NOTHING for the show? Lmao.

I'm not even mad at this, btw. Because it doesn’t matter to me whether his sacrificed worked or not - I like Noah because I like me, not because he’s important. (Also Noah’s POC background appeals to me because I’m also POC, and I can project my ‘child of immigrants’ upbringing onto him.)

Cody:

Like a few days ago I explained to someone in dms why I liked Cody despite also hating him and thinking he's whats wrong with men in media. So gonna copy and paste my main points:

1) Although a lot of the things he does is bad (follow Gwen around, not take her NO's seriously) they do indicate some positive qualities: He's persistent, he's optimistic, and he's okay with setbacks. These are all good qualities that I do not have, and would make my life a lot better. And don't we all wish we had the confidence of a mediocre white man?

While Cody needs to learn how to STOP, we could all stand to be a little more shameless, and a little more willing to take risks. 

2)There's also smth really sad about him, and I'm not necessarily talking about his parents. There's a scene in TDI, where he asks Gwen out/about her bra. And she hits him in the dick with an oar. Which... fair, lol.

#GwenDidNothingWrong

But Cody's reaction is interesting to me. He apologizes, (deserved.) And then asks *again*.

WTF? That's weird to me. It doesn't just signal entitlement. It signals that he's okay with physical harm - from the person he loves,  all in the mere hope that he'll end up with said person. And that's pretty fucking tragic imo. At least that's how I interpret it. Because I think most guys at that point would be like, "What's WRONG with you i was just COMPLIMENTING you, you should be FLATTERED!"

But Cody just goes with it?

And for futher proof for my interpretation, Cody ends up telling Sierra she's his best friend during WT. Despite everything she did - multiple cases of sexual harassment, drugging, forced marriage, etc...  Cody is still willing to keep her in his life, to keep her close. Because, think about it, she was the only person who consistently tried to help him. The only one who ever gave him any real compliments.

And that's sad. And also interesting.

Why would a guy like Cody, who in canon is presumably canonically cis, white, and straight, be so willing to take abuse in search of love?

Why is he so lonely? Who raised him to chase after affection like this? And what could his tale say about the problems of public society, and the potential dysfunctions of the private family unit?

And that's the beauty of Cody. Noah allows me to talk about myself, but Cody allows me to talk about the world around me. About sexism and entitlement, about classism, about societal expectations around "love," and "family," and how damaging they can be.

A lot of people see Cody as an "average white man," and if so... then the average fucking sucks and I want to talk about it, lol. I understand why others would be tired of it (and also I don’t think it’s women’s job to Make Men Happy btw. A big reason I don’t ship Cody with women.) But as writer, it’s really rewarding to explore his psyche while also providing a possibility for growth, a way out, and a happy ending.

Cody's also rlly adorable, especially in Total Dramarama. Like he's impossible to hate in that show. There's an episode where Cody risks life and limb to be considered cool by his classmates. There's one where he says "Now I have to live in the sewers *again*." I don't say this lightly, but he's the best character there. He's so funny.

Courtney:

Courtney, I got attached to via the actual show. I watched Action before Island... and she's just really cool? Her entrance is cool, and as I said repeatedly, I love evil woman. But beyond "wow girlboss😮," what else do I like about her?

I like her story. Her actual fucking story. Wow. I might be one of the only Courtney stans who likes how Total Drama handled her. Skdjsdk.

So in Island, we see her battle her class-monitor upbringing, and learn to break the rules. This is done through her BF Duncan. And overall, this is pretty standard "good girl meets bad boy and loosens up" faire. It's nothing special. (I watched Island when I was 20. So I had plenty of time to see that same story in YA romances. So... yeah. Like I said, nothing special.)

But in Action? We see her on the warpath. We see her take charge. She had taken charge in Island, but it was kinda innefectual. The joke was that she'd give orders, but things would go wrong. That she would barely be useful herself? But in Action? She takes thing in her OWN hands. She revitalizes Trent's team. She is also bad to Duncan.

And I think this could have worked, if she blamed Duncan for Harold's actions. Because Harold eliminated Courtney BECAUSE of Duncan. So she wouldn't be far-off. And also slide in a moment where her parents hate her new BF, or like. Imagine if Courtney told her parents she lost, because Harold rigged her out, but it wasn't her fault. He hated Duncan. And her parents are like "What did you expect? You date a delinquent and get suprised when trouble appears at your door?"

And so she's mad at Duncan for dragging her into his fight, for drawing her parent's ire.

No wonder she tries to "fix him." She wants to make him fit for approval, and also prove to HERSELF that she's the one with the control. That she can FIX him.

Some people hate how Courtney has no self-awareness and thinks she's a good person all the time. I fucking love it.

Courtney thinks she's HELPING. After all, she wants to be the best. So why shouldn't others? Why would Duncan have problems with a list of instructions? Courtney LOVES instructions. She loves bettering herself.

C.I.T. Counselor-in-Training. She wants to be a COUNSELOR. She wants to help people, she wants to be a Leader. But she's really bad at it! Because of instead of wanting people to accomplish their goals... she kinda wants them to accomplish what she decides their goals should be. She's not a mad scientist, she's a mad therapist.

This is why I think Action is her best season. Because that's when she goes OFF and really shows her worst potential. And I'm into that, because it gives me a lot to discuss - how the drive for success and efficiency can leave people broken. Can kill personal relationships.

I kinda LOVE that every positive relationship Courtney builds she ends up breaking. Duncan. Gwen. Scott. Gwen *again.*

I'd love it too, if she learned her lesson and developed but like. Out of context, it's so fitting. (In my fantasy rewrite of TD, she realizes something is off in WT, gets better in ROTI, and cements her character change in All Stars)

In WT, Courtney doesn't get to do much. She has the love triangle thing, which doesn't do much for her character because she doesn't learn anything from it? But she's still very funny this season. I don't like her thing with Alejandro. I don't mind CourtneyXAlejandro btw. I'd just rather them team up temporarily.

In All Stars, Courtney gets a new BF. Scott. She's mending her relationship with Gwen. It's looking good, maybe Duncan was the real problem all along. And then it collapses.

I read somewhere that TD writers just thought she couldn't be redeemed. Which is funny to me. Maybe All Stars was to show "no matter how kind to her people are, she will always put money first." It would explain alot, and if that's what they're going for, they succeeded. And ... I'm okay with that. I just wish it was more a struggle for her, or that it was better foreshadowed. But I'm not mad at the direction they chose.

So overall, Courtney is character who started out a good girl with a bad boy, turned out WORSE than the bad boy, and kept going. She did everything to *win*, yet never was a finalist. She burned three friendships for cash, yet never got it. That's poetic, honestly. She tries so hard to be a girlboss, but she's a girl-flop at the end of the day. And I like that. I really do.

Tl;dr: Noah's me, Cody's society, and Courtney is the industrial complex. Not really, because Courtney has never been profitable. She's like a failed start-up company.

BONUS: How I view their possible dynamics

I obviously ship Noah and Cody, as a kind of two losers with opposing strengths learn from each other, but also get on each others nerves. If you want to know more about how I view their dynamic, just read my fic.

Courtney and Noah are my "Do it right or don't do it all," duo. I don't care what their relationship is. Like they'd make great twins who hated each other. Science Olympiad rivals or partners. They'd even be a fine couple (if you're not writing them as related, that is EWW).

I like to imagine Courtney writing a long winded plan, handing it to Noah, and he just rips it in two and tells her he's not doing all that. Which is pretty mean tbh. I also like to imagine Courtney stepping on Noah's back while she forces him to do push ups. I imagine Noah and Courtney standing over a desk in class, asking you 'What grade did you get?" with identical smug smiles. I imagine them gossiping over Gwen together, being roommates, dissing each other's man. "You're dating trash you dug out of the gutter." "At least I'm not settling for a fun-sized McDonalds toy."

I imagine them interacting a lot, actually. I want them to be worsties who grow into besties.

Courtney and Cody is like... I'm split. They would make a really good Hallmark movie. Courtney the busy worker, and Cody who loves the Holidays. The story writes itself. But at the same time I love how they dislike each other in canon. Cuz Cody's a gwen stan and Courtney thinks Gwen should DIE. joking. And also because Cody keeps on being annoyingly sexist. Like in the Greece episode, despite having no athletic ability, he's like "let ME do it, *ladies*" and Courtney is NOT having it. So I guess they also have the range.

Maybe they don't get along until someone's like "Let's get the TWO best World Tour singers up on staaage!!!" And both Cody and Courtney stand up.

[witchlyboo]

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taglist:

@eridanuswave @cjand10 @deluxeplanteater @rorodendra @navs-bhat @coxxxxxpi @leviosatothestars

Thanks for all the love and support, if you have opinions, suggestions, or want to be part of the tag list (Or don’t want to be part anymore) let me know, I appreciate every message.

[surpriserose]

okay heres the #analysis of the shitty movie i just watched because i love over reading into things no matter how #deep they are and this is how i cope with my mom making me watch shitty movies

okay so day shift is an action comedy buddy (cop) movie about vampire hunters but really its just one guy (jamie foxx) whos name is...literally bud? anyways the basic plot is somehow this guy isnt divorced he just lives like it and he hunts vampires and he needs to hunt a lot super fast for money otherwise his wife and kid will...move i guess. like this is such an i have to win my wife back plot but theyre not even divorced??? so heres the bullet list of shit in this movie

-> so one we have to get it out of the way that this is a vampire movie and vampires have a long history of being representative of more than just monsters no matter how many movies make them just monsters like this one. and this shit has gone on forever like dracula with its antisemitism and xenophobia released in the 1800s and netflix literally JUST canceled their latest antisemitic vampire show so. thankfully these arent antisemitic vampires they're just well...lets get into the politics of this comedy movie

-> the villain in this movie is... audrey san fernando? i literally had to look that up i had no idea what any of these characters were named. and well shes like the head honcho vampire and a rich real estate mogul or something. shes also mexican. this movie takes place in la and well theres um... mentions of her bringing lots of...vampires...to la and buying up land for them and also she mentions starting a vampire-human war at some point. and this isnt a big jump at all like the movie straight up tells you shes mexican she crossed the border and had to leave her daughter behind and bring her over later they brought up ideas of immigration and also??? connected vampires to human sacrifice and the aztecs? like the fucking climax takes place at an aztec pyramid thats just...under la??? so we also have ideas of who really owns the land who was here first (i mean audrey is literally like probably close to 150-200 years old so like out of the cast its literally her and the rest of the vampires who like ive said are mexican and native coded)

-> i should also mention theres a conversation our buddy cops have after killing a bunch of white high school vampires. where seth (ill get to him in a bit because oh my god) is like man... vampires used to be human dont you feel bad for killing them? and jamie foxx is like nah theyre all (sure literally but still) inhuman murders and liars which well sure fine but again vampires are often used as a metaphor like...theyre inhuman blood sucking monsters because x group are inhuman blood sucking monsters not the other way around

-> except for bud's two allies who are both white but are like good vampires like dont worry about them theyre fine? all that stuff about vampires all being inherently bad? oh its whatever now for no reason at all dont think about it its just a coincidence theyre both white and now the vampires can be good im sure theres nothing there

-> okay lets talk about seth now. so buddy cop movies need a huge contrast between the two leads, ones strong and cool and damn the rules he's gonna get the job done and the other is weak and ineffectual and tied up in regulations. which is what we have with bud and seth, which is only slightly better because thank god theyre not cops too. and here i have to go on a tangent. if you look at conservative media and often especially political cartoons, you'll quickly sort out that theres a lot of qualities that make someone a liberal aside from their actual politics. like thats why you'll see conservatives often just say pronouns in bio but theyre really saying look at this idiot liberal + a bunch of transphobia. and seth has a lot of those. hes not vegan/vegetarian but he is a pescatarian and pretty much any diet without steak makes you a liberal. same with gluten free which seth also is (or at least just buys gluten free muffins). seth "doesnt believe" in guns. hes a white collar office worker. he uses a satchel which they call a manpurse, and hes often effeminate in other ways -he's fine being called cupcake as an insult by a manly man, his boss...hits on him? he likes cats and fashion and hates violence like it just goes on- and the masculinity he does have in his impractical suits isnt good enough compared to the real men/vampire hunters hes around. and these are all the jokes in the movie btw plus all the ones about seth pissing himself like youre supposed to laugh at these things and think theyre stupid. especially when compared to how cool and masculine bud is. oh my god this is so long and i still have shit to talk about im sorry

-> okay so i bring all these things up about seth because hes also literally a union representative. as in hes the uh...vampire hunters union rep sent to keep an eye on bud. which...why is it specifically called a union? surely it has nothing to do with the wave of growing unionization and labor rights movements in america in the wake of covid. surely we're just making jokes about how unions will steal your money and tie you up in useless regulations to keep a hard working american man from his family for no reason right? because why would you make your buddy cop vampire hunter action comedy a vehicle for anti union messaging? because holy shit why is this random movie exactly that why is this specifically a vampire hunter *union*

i want to say there was another thing but honestly this is such a 5/10 movie my brains already forgotten it and yeah *maybe* im reading too much into it but like come on....come on just look at that list ive hardly said anything the movie hasnt said itself. and it being a comedy is no excuse like i hope by now we've realized how much of a reactionary force comedy can be. also its way better to read too much into things than too little honestly like have you look at the posts on this site

so yeah like anyways just remember no movie is ever just a movie everything is political youre not immune to propaganda you know the drill

[supercantaloupe]

okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.

[concerningwolves]

Question for you! I see Fae show up a lot in the fantasy genre, and I really love it and want to play with those ideas in some of my own works, but I was wondering — is this something that can be mishandled? I’ve seen some discussion on things to look out for in terms of insensitive portrayal of neurodivergence, but I’ve also just been mulling over the fact that there is a lot of very rich folklore that varies depending on what culture you’re looking at, and that there is potential to disrespect that out of simple fascination for the trope. Being extremely American with no cultural ties to the folklore, I’m just not sure. Is there harm that can be done by sicking solely to the tried and true tropes, or alternatively, by trying to put a new creative spin on those ideas? So sorry if this doesn’t make very much sense, this was harder to put into words that I expected. I was just wondering if you might have any thoughts or advice on this

Oh, this is a nice question for me. Thank you, Nonny :3

Full disclaimer: folklore and mythology, particularly relating to the fae, is my special interest. That doesn't mean I'm an expert in myths and folklore (or the linked history/anthropology). I'm just a person who spends inordinate amounts of time thinking about these things and am exceedingly happy to infodump on the drop of a hat. So, my word isn't law, I'm always happy to hear other opinions, please correct me if I make a mistake etc etc.

"Can you mishandle writing the fae?" is something i have many thoughts on. If you'd asked me this a few years ago, I'd have been all "yes you can, the fae have been appropriated and butchered by popular culture blah blah blah" because I was insufferably anal about things being Correct. But lately, I've come to really love just how vast this – I guess you could call it the popular culture faerie mythos – is. So much of it isn't what a folklore purist would consider correct, but I'm fascinated by how these folkloric figments have evolved and become ingrained in the general psyche nonetheless.

I think writing the fae can become harmful if writers use Welsh/Irish/Scottish folklore as their base without properly researching or without an awareness of the historical context. There's this trend of ignoring centuries of actual history from these countries and instead creating a very warped idealistic fiction. For example, if a writer presents a fantasy world with faeries and says "This is based on Welsh mythology" and then goes on to perpetuate such bunkum as "they all worship a mystical moon goddess" then that's Very Not Good. Similarly, if a writer says "here is my fantasy faery race, they're based on Celtic [Irish] mythology" then I'm going to have some Problems with that, because Celtic mythology and Irish mythology aren't the same thing. (The Celts were an Indo-European people comprised of many cultures and tribes, spread from Ireland to central Europe. While their influence in Ireland is clear, not everything Irish is Celtic and vice versa).

Irish, Welsh and Scottish cultures have historically been persecuted by the English, and that shows in how the English retconned their respective folkloric beliefs to create the British fairy mythos. It's something writers ought to be mindful of but generally aren't imho. This "British" faerie mythos is actually a melting pot of Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Nordic folklore with a healthy dose of medieval romanticism. It's what gave us the popular images of the Seelie and Unseelie ("good" and "bad") faerie courts, wherein the fae are generally more "civilised" (read: like Proper British Victorians) and have humanoid appearances. I don't think that any story which uses this bastardised fairy mythology is automatically bad, but I do get wary when writers plunge into it without giving any thought to why the British fairy image is Like That.

I recently listened to Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke and I was absolutely enthralled. Clarke's fairies are based on the medieval romantic image of them, particularly medieval children's tales. They exist in the realm of Fairy, which is near to Hell, and have a society that falls somewhere between feudalism and the Victorian. What gripped me was how Clarke used the Bastardised British Fairy Lore to create this... almost satirical criticism of "Englishness" and what the English identity actually means (without tiptoeing around xenophobia, arrogance and racism). It's very much based on this bastardised British "folklore" but it works because that's the whole point. I found it thoroughly fascinating and enjoyable and basically haven't stopped thinking about it for a month.

I do get very excited when writers take a new angle with faeries, too! Like, Eoin Colfer's faries in the Artemis Fowl books were so cool. (Bearing in mind it's been ten years since I picked up an Artemis Fowl book, and I never read the whole series so most of what I know I've absorbed via late night Wiki reads and Tumblr osmosis, but anyway—) They live underground, which is a very neat take on the Irish Aos Sí. Irish fae folklore has the faeries living in mounds, as in, every mound in Ireland is its own faerie "court". Colfer's faeries call themselves the People, again, a play on the Irish because their name means People of the Mounds. I think what Colfer did was an extremely neat way of calling on Irish mythology to create a cool new fairy concept.

What you say about being American is an intriguing point in itself, too. I've said before that the American cryptid culture is simply delightful, because although it isn't what one would think of when you talk about folklore, that's exactly what it is. American culture is a melting pot. Which is to say, yes, as an American you won't have a lived cultural experience of, say, Irish folklore and how it impacts modern day life there, but there are elements of it all around you! Think about how in states where it's common to see vast fields of corn, it's also common for tales of corn demons. Sure, maybe that sounds like a weird tale some kids tell to scare one another, but to me it sounds a lot like the feldgiester of Germanic folklore.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman explores this concept that immigrants and settlers brought their own gods and mythological/folkloric creatures with them. I often think about this part of the book that talks about a faerie man who followed an Irishwoman to America because she always left out cream for him. I found that really heartwarming in this way that I can't quite explain. If you're into contemporary fantasy epics, I definitely recommend American Gods!

Sorry, I know this answer is getting quite rambly but I guess I... don't have a solid answer. Like I said, this is very much in my special interest wheelhouse BUT I'm not an expert. When I started out reading more about faeries and their various mythos I consumed a lot of nonsense, and I'm slowly sifting back through and unlearning much of what I took as gospel fact. I don't want to sound like I'm telling you what you can or can't do because that isn't my place (nor is it anyone else's). Really all you can do is listen to people from the cultures you're drawing from and research carefully and critically.

Happy writing! (*^▽^*)

[jinxedpanda4life]

DamiRae Hospital AU?

  No I am not writing one, if I could write well I would though! So here are some HCs for a hospital AU.    If someone decides to write this then I’ll be your first reader. Also I am sort of basing things off of Grey’s Anatomy just a bit and my limited knowledge of the medical field.

- Starts of as 1st year residents, specialties may vary

- The “Titans” are residents and 1st years that show great promise, this doesn’t really play a role its just what people call them behind their backs

- Dr. Kori Anders is a OBGYN (women parts and birth) resident, a year or two away from finishing

- Dr. Richard “Dick” Grayson is is a surgery resident, trained by the hospital owner Bruce Wayne (who is a world renowned surgeon, has awards, etc), specifically general surgery

- Dr. Garfield Logan is pediatrician (kid doctor) res, bonds well with kids, but is considering going back to school to become a vet instead

- Dr. Jaime Reyes is an oncology (cancer doctor), having had cancer as a teen and is now forever trying to rid the world of it, works mostly with kids and teens

- Dr. Jonathan Kent is a physical therapist that works with pain management. Up beat guy and is always trying to brighten his patient’s lives.

- Dr. Damian Wayne is a surgical intern, blood thirsty little thing, hoping to become a neurosurgeon (brain, spine) (or cardiothoracic (heart, lungs) both are competitive)

- Dr. Raven Roth is an anesthesiologist (the drug person that knocks you out) and is starting her surgical internship (she wanted to do more than just help people get high essentially or whatever) has no current preference for any specific surgical field

- Add in characters:

-- Dr. Jason Todd, trauma surgeon (fits too well)

-- Dr. Timothy Drake diagnostician (medical detective basically) 

-- Dr. Donna Troy gynecologist

-- Terra Markov is a nurse (i don’t like Terra but nurses are the actual best)

- Story stuff:

- Damian and Raven meet as they are put under the guidance of the same resident

-Damian has an automatic dislike for Raven because she knows everyone already and is equally, if not much more, knowledgable about surgery, the OR, the ER, protocol, etc  He also thinks she is cold because she rarely shows emotion (pot kettle Damian)

- Raven can always be found in the medical archives researching old cases and studying new ones, Damian stumbles upon her when looking for an old cardiomegaly case (enlarged heart).

- Raven gets along with all of the past ‘Robins’ making her a go to intern

- Garfield can be seen whenever he is not needed trying to flirt with Nurse Markov and often goes to Raven to sulk 

- Damian and Raven are always early to pre-rounds and are typically the first ones there (usually early in the morning, getting there before 500)

- Jon bumps into Damian more often than not and they start becoming friends (Damian is reluctant at first and is still you know Damian about everything), Damian even recommends patients to him 

- Though Damian doesn’t want to really ‘hang out’ with anyone he reluctantly hangs out with the Titans, because of Jon and Dick

            - When in a large group when at a bar, club or whatever Damian tends to stay close to Raven because 1) they actually have things to talk about 2) she isn’t loud

- Raven & Damian are both assigned to a case that is frankly befuddling and have to start spending long nights and early mornings together to figure it out

- Over that period of time they learn things about each other:

-- Raven learns: 

Damian has a dog (Titus) and cat (Alfred) 

He is single (Kori told her) and lives in an apartment close to the hospital

He has lived in various countries

He is trained in multiple martial arts 

He prefers his tea with brown sugar and a slice of lemon 

His eyes are a true emerald color with a ring of gold and flecks scattered within 

He may hide it well but when Raven compliments him he becomes flustered

He speaks to himself in Arabic when he curses, trying to remember something, doesn’t want anyone to know what he is saying

He isn’t always an asshole

When he actually smiles a true and genuine smile, she has heart palpitations

-- Damian learns:

Raven has two tattoos (neither are a bird), a gang tat (she is saving up to get it removed), and a mantra in Azarathian; Azarath Metrion Zinthos

She immigrated from Azarath when she was around 8

Her notes are in Azarathian

She actually feels a lot of emotion and knows how to control them

If she is not reading about a current or past case she is reading any book or file she can get her hands on, he has caught her reading in multiple different languages; Azarathian, English, French, Russian, Arabic, Dutch, Mandarin, (could be more or less)

She lives alone and has a cat, Nevermore, and thanks to Dick he already knew she was single

She likes all tea, no matter how prepared, but prefers the sweetener to be honey

Her hair is black but shines purple, especially under the ER lights

Her eyes are a purple that at first glance look blue, like Elizabeth Taylor, he realizes though her eyes are galaxies on their own 

When she smiles the world actually stops moving, her eyes shine like stars and he never wants the world to start moving again

She always wears a necklace with a gold and ruby ring at all times (it was her mother’s wedding ring)

- When Damian starts having le feelings for Raven he considers actually seeking medical advice as this has never happened to him before

- Raven tries her best to contain her feelings when at work, going so far as one day a month staying home just to scream, cry and feel her feelings

- It does not help that new feelings towards Damian start popping up, especially since he starts bringing her tea and hanging out with her at work

- During the middle of their 2nd year of residency someone holds Raven hostage in the hospital to fix someone that person loves (this person had connections to Trigon and knew who Raven was)

- That was not a fun time for either Damian or Raven; Damian was outside the hospital pacing trying to figure something out with the other Titans trying to calm themselves and him down

- Shots are fired and when all is said and done, Raven gets shot in the abdomen and the hand (she was in ICU for a hot sec)

- Damian seemed to be there every time Raven woke up, he was always checking on her during rounds even though he wasn’t on her case

- Raven did have to have surgery on her hand and in her abdomen (idk where i’m not getting that specific), she hated being, in her words, coddled 

- Even though Raven was right handed (the one that got shot) she learned how to do everything, writing, eating, going to the bathroom, etc. (many of the other residents are impressed since she keeps working on it after her other hand heals)

- Raven’s room also becomes a space for other residents to destress and just vent about their day. She listens and gives advice, all without looking up from whatever she was doing. 

- During this time Raven becomes hooked on Pretty Pretty Pegasus

- Raven’s room is also full of cards, flowers, etc all from fellow staff and some from patients. When she leaves (she spends a couple weeks in thanks to multiple surgeries, recovery, and other minor injuries) all of the gifts litter her apartment, the cards end up in a box by her desk, she presses the flowers, and stuffed animals are donated to children’s shelter (she keeps some that she has grown attached to)

- During this time Damian is more of an ass than usual (people notice and tease him)

- Damian at some points keeps working without breaks/sleep for hours on end. Dick pulls him aside after noticing, scolds and forces him to sleep in one of the on call rooms. (He really wanted him to go home, but Damian wasn’t leaving)

- Once Raven was discharged Damian and Garfield help her back home (clothes + gifts + Raven w/a healing hand/other injuries = need help) the other Titans would have helped but were needed at the hospital

- Garfield leaves after dropping off Raven and Damian (and her stuff) as he is called in on a Peds case (could be fake, may not be) and Raven & Damian spend the rest of the time basically watching terrible movies. (with Nevermore sitting on both of them)

- That is the night Damian realizes that not only does he like Raven, but he like likes her. He starts devising plans on how to get her to date him. 

- All his plans basically are thrown out the window because of one reason or another (he kept overthinking it)(poor guy)

- It is not until their 3rd year of residency that Raven realizes her feelings towards Damian (Have I made it clear she likes him? I can’t remember...)

- She realizes her feelings when she has to crash at his place for a night (because he lives ridiculously close to the hospital, like how expensive is that??) and he tries to make sure that she is as comfortable as possible 

- She never realized how much he cared for her? Like she was always helping him out and there for him but she never realized he reciprocated that care? *Shocker*

- Raven becomes kind of a mess because of all her emotions that she is trying to bottle up. (all the corks are disintegrating and the jar is overflowing)

- Raven is during her Ortho rotation (bone surgeon people, they are cool, ik from experience) that she actually gets a good release for her emotions (setting peoples bones and drilling and hammering in pins is actually therapeutic) 

- Raven thinks that may be the specialty she chooses

- Damian saw her as a mess and could not fathom why she was said mess, he figured it was about a romantic interest after someone made an offhand comment about her love life and she became a blubbering mess (very un-Raven like)

- After all of well *motions with hands* that Raven asks why Damian doesn’t have a s/o or someone

- He says there is only person that he has been meaning to ask out (looks pointedly at Raven)

- All Raven says is “Go for it.”

And that is where my HCs end. Now if anyone who happens upon this post decides to write a Medical AU with any of these please tag me, tell me, message me. 

You do not have to give me credit, I just want to read it. 

This took me a couple of days to write up, so if it is disjointed I apologize. 

If anything needs to be corrected for any reason let me know!

 I hope this fuels some imaginations!

-I may post more HC AU things if they come to mind, we will have to see.

[allthingsfern]

In order, my responses to comments in Reply of my COVID19 era post that was my answer to my question “My answer to my questions: Has the era of COVID19 changed your photography? How? And perhaps also, why?“ I am so confused now...

adventuresofalgy

Algy thinks you are lucky and - certainly if compared with Europeans - perhaps quite unusual in not having experienced a more profound effect on your creative outlets and expression. Many of Algy's creative friends have experienced wide-ranging and often severe impacts on their creativity and associated motivation - and therefore on their mental health as well.

themazette

As @adventuresofalgy Jenny said.... you are lucky...

I am indeed very lucky, or as I think of it, blessed. However, it is no way a US thing, nor even a California thing. I add California, because I know many in the US and around the world think of the Golden State as a haven, a progressive, hippie filled state that is all about peace and love and marijuana. However, that is far from the truth. California is like Germany in the 1920s and 30s. There was Berlin, where there was a wildness in the city that was not shared, and was often looked-down on, by those in the majority of the country, who lived in more conservative areas and who, often, economically could not afford the grand life of partying Berliners. In California it is the same. Except for a few urban areas, the state is full of very conservative folks, and for them, like for those in the cities (and in the rest of the world) this COVID19 era has been devastating. Well, and the fires for Californians have been too.

Even in this cool college town where I live, which is lovely and quiet and inspiring, the painfully empty streets, movie theaters, restaurants, shops (think of all those unemployed people) is (still) staggering. In mid-March last year, right after lockdown, I took several phone videos of the deserted street in our town and the campus, but I could not bring myself to share them, since I knew that so many others here on Tumblr were experiencing the same desolation in many different ways. (I figured: “Why add to the sorrow we are living, almost globally?”) I was overwhelmed by the emptiness of the major (well, major for a small town of around 65,000 people) street where I live and the empty bicycle trails and street on campus. And by empty, I mean that even now, I see maybe 3 cyclists per hour, and very little car traffic. Remember, this is a bicycle town; I do not own a car, doing most all my errands on my bike with its 2 fordable baskets in the rear.

And now, over a year later, that same heavy, oppressive emptiness persists. And no, I am not used to it. And yes, I traveled over the last year, but I found the same suffocating blanket of emptiness in each city I visited, even in Las Vegas. It was unnerving. As a matter of fact, last year when I drove to San Francisco 2 months after lockdown for my birthday, I wound up getting depressed and disoriented, in a city where I lived for almost 7 years. Driving back home across the Golden Gate Bridge with tears of sadness in my eyes on my birthday was not what I expected. However, I did get some solid photos of the malaise that hung thick in the air, a malaise that physically took up the space that once was taken up by crowds of people.

Now, I am also very aware that my situation is unique. (Not a fan of the word exceptional, since it can mean both unique and special, and I do not see my situation as special.) My life situation is very unique in that I have a job I love and I work with a great team of characters. We get work done and we have fun, share about our lives. My job is often, especially since COVID19 first got noticed in early 2020, stressful and demands my colleagues and I learn (and sometimes then teach) lots of new technology and that we adapt to the vagaries of the technology gods, which are sometimes unfriendly and unresponsive. And a big part of my job is trying to figure out how to get the technology gods to like us again and grace us with their gifts. (I never realized, until now, with this discussion, that the troubleshooting that is a big part of my job is creative and probably fuels my photographic creativity. Who knew?) Yet, as a group, my colleagues and I support each other. And I am fortunate to count my closest colleague, Steve, as a friend. We have been a great emotional support to each other over the years and now through this COVID19 era. And I recently was reminded (as if I needed reminding) just how unique my work situation is because I participated in a committee that was going over responses to a UC Davis-wide survey exploring levels of employee satisfaction. My 2 colleagues who were also on that committee and I did not have the complaints that others from other departments shared. We work well together, have supportive management that share what is going on and include us (as mush as possible) in the decision making process. And as a department, we get stuff done.

Possibly the best example of how blessedly unique my situation is is what happened this morning when I was talking (yes, on ZOOM) with my immediate supervisor. We discussed the work related stuff, including how at around 10:30 pm the night before I figured something out about an online tool integration I had never done before that I knew was easy but I did not see as easy until I reread the overly complicated instructions a couple of times and just figured out how and where to cut and paste the lines of code (it was that easy, just fucking cut and paste some lines of JSON code) that got the fucking thing to work. Then we talked about his dealing with his young children returning to school and how “normal” now is not “normal” from before and how disruptive the whole thing has been, yet since we work in a supportive atmosphere (and are both salaried), he was able to deal and keep living.

Then, and you are gonna love this, I shared about my original COVID19 question post and the responses and pretty much said to him what I am sharing here.

We talked for a little over an hour. That kind of rapport is rare, for any job, anywhere.

And then there is another way my situation is unique. In some ways, previous “bad things” were actually a preparation for this era of physical distance and uncertainty. In mid-2019, from July to August, first because of my work related bowling concussion and then an antibiotic resistant infection, I was bedridden for about 5 weeks and then had several absences because of concussion issues, like sudden and extreme anger flare ups, nausea, headaches. But however bad I thought that concussion and infection were, the concussion induced forgetfulness and my desire to sharpen my mind and nurture and nourish it have lead me to become, in my old age, organized. I now often take notes of important stuff, add work and personal dates and notes to my Outlook calendar, and even know what day it is, which bugs my colleagues who often find they have no idea what day and/or date it is. Yep, unique, but the bad concussion shit got me to be organized in ways that I was never able to be before, no matter what I tried. This time, I just fucking get organized, without thinking about it too much. And if I fuck up with my being organized, like I did the other day for work, I admit it, fix it, and move on.

Preparation for isolation (and unexpected natural threats) came by way of the 2018 Northern California (the region where I live) fires that year, which caused the campus to shut down for about a week. (As my friend Steve called it, the smoking break.) And for work, my colleagues and I faced a couple of long term, emergency technical outages that impacted all of the UC Davis faculty, one of them for over a month. Pretty much on a professional and personal level, I was, if not ready, at least getting used to the WTF of whatever life decides to surprise me with. (And lets not forget the really bad fire last September, seen in this video I posted of ash “snow” falling. We did not have to shut down the campus because there was no one there anyway.)

Another aspect of this last year, and one that has been present in my life for a few years now, is the BLM movement and the brutal police violence against Black people in this country. As someone who was a teaching assistant and taught in African American Studies and worked closely with students of color on campus in a student run organization, I was and am still devastated, in part because I know, from hearing so many personal accounts, the pain many of my friends, former colleagues, and former students, are still facing and how overwhelmed they felt and still feel. I understand, if as an outsider, their emotional exhaustion. This has been going on for a while, plus add the years of anti-immigrant hate against the Latinx in the US and the rising tide of violent hate against Asians, and yes, it has been sorrowful. Heartbreaking. And I have, in several ways, including my photography, tried to capture the sorrow and resilience of US people of color. It hurts, almost physically, that many people of color are just tired of talking and dealing with the hate.

So, yes, my situation is unique, but with its own emotionally draining weight. And yes, I am extremely grateful. This leads to the other 2 comments in Reply:

kkomppa

Thank you for sharing, Fern. Very interesting. Like you, I would say my output hasn’t changed much. However, I have sought locations deeper in the wilderness. This has been fulfilling.

schwarzkaeppchen

Really interesting thoughts. We live in strange times, but creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons. My photography has changed a lot. I used to work as a photographer at events and took portraits for fun... Now I'm officially a portrait photographer.

Both of these comments point to another unique aspect of my life situation: For some of us, our photography and how we do it, has not changed much, and if it has, that has been a part of our overall experience with this art form we love so much.

For me, because of my depressive tendencies, the Zen of photography, at least the way I do it, is therapeutic. And I do not use the  term “Zen” lightly here, because my spiritual life has helped me come to terms with the WTF surprises that are pretty much life, if at times the WTF of it is more impactful, as it is during this COVID19 era. And that is part of what I was trying to share with my original post: Before this period of isolation and disorientation, I was already coming to grips with the gospel truth that “creativity and motivation comes and goes for so many different reasons.” as @schwarzkaeppchen​ said. In no way do I diminish the anguish flared up by these bleak times that impact so many around the world. And really, when you think about it, bleak times have been a norm, at least here in the US, since late 2016, though, of course, lockdowns and physical distance make it all worse. But, at least for me, I try to learn from the bleak times, even if I abhor going through them. And when dealing with the highs and lows of creative energy, at least for me, I have a calm certainty that photography is part of my life and I do not have to worry, since I only love it more each day. And the other side to my certainty is that if someday my love of photography fades, some other treasure of creativity will replace it.

Let’s be real, because of photography. I think about stuff like this and get to have discussions with so many great Tumblr original photographers.

And I am grateful for it, and no, this is not unique to my life situation. I know many of us love being here and sharing the good, the bad, the confounding.

Please think about joining @tvoom and me for InConverversation this month. It has been a long time since we talked, and this COVID19 era will be our topic.

I am grateful for all y’all.