#i put this tag here because i'm here for that

[gildedtragedies]

me with my fallout 4 hyperfixation fic that i updated daily for three weeks and then never looked at again

Some of us really need to be doing “Finish That Fanfic We Haven’t Updated in a Year November” 💀

[rookinthecrownest]

Some Updated Thoughts on Lucanis' Romance (Both Positive & Constructive)

I want to make this as balanced and as reasonable a take as I can. I'll put everything under the cut and tag as critical so you don't have to engage with it/see it if you don't want to.

As usual, these are just my opinions. If you really enjoyed Lucanis' romance, none of what I'm about to say is meant to dissuade you from that. I'm happy for you!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. There were parts of it that I absolutely loved too, and I hope I'll do that justice with this post so it doesn't come across as hate. Because I don't hate his romance, I just think there was some places where it could have been fleshed out a bit more.

If you want to engage in discussion with the more critical aspects of this post, my only request is you do so respectfully.

Positives

I'd like to start on a good note by detailing the aspects of his romance that I really liked. There are a few places where I think they did a great job with his romance.

Party Banter & Codex Entries

Although meant to be supplemental material to the story, I think they do a really good job at helping the slow-burn aspect of his romance they were going for. There's one codex entry that goes something along the lines of 'It is not an hour lost, but an hour found' and that is one of my favourite codex entries....ever. It's such a short entry but so meaningful and shows you a lot about his character. You get this profound sense of just how much Rook means to him with this one line.

His party banter once you're in a relationship is also very sweet. I didn't get a lot of it, but what I did get was lovely. Especially when he admits to Neve that Rook is good for him and makes him smile. There's another line about how he doesn't know what Rook sees in him, but he's happy they're with him which is super sweet. Telling Emmrich how Rook is his first relationship? Adorable.

Everything about the party banter and codex entries did a good job of giving us more insight into how his character is dealing with things, when it's not explicitly shown to us in cutscenes (We'll come back to this later). It helps form a more complete picture of the way they wanted to handle this romance in general.

Relationship Cutscenes

There's a few scenes throughout the romance that I enjoyed a lot.

The scene with Illario at Cafe Pietra and the talk of first kisses and kisses goodbye was very cute and well done. It really did feel like a coffee date haha.

The almost-kiss scene was also amazing. The confident stride towards Rook, the wall-lean, his facial expression when he pulls away. You can feel how much he wants it, but something in the back of his mind (whether it's him, or Spite) pulls him away at the last second? I loved that. I'm actually super glad they didn't kiss here. The pull away made for great tension (I'm going to come back to why this is important later).

His line about Rook breaking apart his 'perfectly gathered clouds of doom' was beautiful, and one of my favourite lines in the game.

Although there could have been more to it, his romance lock-in scene with him baking dessert for Rook is also sweet and shows his romantic side and thoughtfulness.

The ending scene of the romance, after Rook comes out of the Fade Prison, is some of my favourite romance scenes in any Bioware game. Any game, period. It was so incredibly well done. From the writing, to the dialogue, to the facial expressions - absolutely everything was perfect. The wings coming out, the fade to black, the banter about falling asleep and playing cards with Spite? Lovely. All absolutely lovely. 10/10, no notes.

His dialogue about killing any god to keep Rook safe is very sweet/romantic. How he wants Rook to tell them this all ends with him asleep in their arms. How Rook's voice is a comfort. This was SO beautiful.

All in all, in some places, I feel that they did achieve the slow burn they wanted with his romance. Even excelled at it, really.

Constructive Criticism

I'm just going to re-iterate that while this section may be longer than the positives, it comes from a place of love rather than just wanting to hate for the sake of hating. I've been a fan of this character ever since I picked up Tevinter Nights, and was looking forward to his romance the most.

The Neve Situation

I'm going to get this one out of the way first because it's probably one of the more.... contentious points in this discussion.

Besties, I need you all to hold my hand so tightly as I say this, but absolutely none of my frustration with the Neve/Lucanis thing is to be construed as hate towards Neve. In fact, I love Neve. I've been a fan of her since she appeared in the comics. I loved her in Tevinter Nights. I love her in the game, I can't wait to romance her. I don't have a problem with these two characters getting together if Rook is not romancing either of them. That being said, there are a few things about his interactions with Neve if romanced by Rook that I can see why they would rub people the wrong way (and why they rub me the wrong way a little bit too).

-Neve and Lucanis can still flirt after Lucanis is locked into a romance with Rook. This is a pretty big oversight from the devs. Its no secret that characters will romance each other if not in a romance with the player character. It happened in DA2 with Fenris/Isabela, in DAI with Josephine/Blackwall, Sera/Dagna, and Bull/Dorian. In ME, I believe it happens with Garrus and Tali as well. So, I don't think the simple fact that they can get together is really what's bothering people.

Importantly, unlike previous games, once the player character is locked into a romance with the other party, the LI doesn't flirt with other companions. I think if the devs had locked the flirting once Lucanis is locked in with romance, much of this conversation wouldn't even be happening.

DATV is a role-playing game. Nothing would take someone out of a role-playing game faster than their love-interest being flirty with another companion - and understandably so. It just feels...icky? Like your player character is getting in the way of a ship the writers wanted. I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to not want to feel like a third wheel in their own romance.

-In Lucanis' mind-prison quest, even if he's romanced by Rook, Neve will still appear. The way Spite describes her seems to imply he still has some sort of romantic feelings for her. Which.... yikes (but this may also just be the way I read his line). If he's not romanced by Rook, Neve being here would make sense. There's not even a mention about Rook in a note or anything. Spite has one line about Rook opening doors and not closing them but that's about it. There's no special romance reactivity in this scene, even though it happens pretty late in the game and after the romance-lock in. Afterwards, he says he trusts you with his thoughts, which is sweet. But this should have been in the cutscene - not skippable banter at the LightHouse.

Set Up & Pay-off

This is a fundamental aspect of storytelling I'm sure you're all familiar with. The classic Chekov's gun. Don't set up something you don't plan to pay off.

Let's go back to the almost-kiss. They set up some fantastic romantic tension here. If you go see Lucanis again after this scene, I think he has a line along the lines of "I'm sorry Rook... I can't ..." But that's all we get. And the almost-kiss isn't really addressed again. Actually I wouldn't even call this being addressed in the first place, because if you wait too long to see him after that cutscene it may not trigger in the first place. This is probably the most egregious example of wasted set up with no pay off. There's no discussion about it. There's no cutscene of Lucanis talking to another companion, or even having some kind of internal monologue about it.

Another example of set up & pay-off is after confronting Illario. Lucanis says he has a plan to celebrate instead of sticking around at the party.

Cut to him drinking coffee by himself back at the Lighthouse.

Rook & Lucanis could have sneaked off to Cafe Pietra, or gone walking in the Treviso market. Or hell, taken the Gondola ride that was in the concept art. Or kissed in the rain under an awning. (I'm never getting over that concept art they showed us...)

The conversation about sparing Illario, how he doesn't want to lose what he has left, including Rook, is fine. But I feel this was another wasted opportunity.

The romance lock-in scene is another example of a missed opportunity/failed set-up. It doesn't even feel like a romance lock-in to a lot of people. If so many players think their game is bugged because that's how you lock in the romance, I think there's a problem. You go from almost kissing to a full on relationship. There is so much that can happen in between that (none of which has to be physical intimacy btw) which could have helped make the lock in scene make more sense. It's the same scene as the one with Neve - but almost...done worse?

Having coffee with Spite & Lucanis. This one is more a writing issue. At the end of the scene he stands awkwardly next to Rook and says, "Whatever this is, I'll take it" and I couldn't help but feel... the writers really just didn't know what they wanted to accomplish with this scene. 'Whatever this is' could have been 'I don't know what this is yet or what to call it, but whatever it is, I want to see it through with you' or something along those lines. Astarion actually says something similar in one of his romance scenes, but he holds your hand, looks at Tav earnestly, and says "Honestly, I don't know what we're doing. But this...this is nice..". He doesn't put a name to the relationship either, but it's the way he says it and how it's conveyed that make it a more effective scene.

He's been imprisoned for a year. He was made into an abomination. He doesn't sleep. He's dealing with PTSD probably. He's a romantic at heart but needs to learn to trust again. It makes sense that he's not overly flirty with Rook, and the romance isn't very physical. This is all FINE.

BUT.

While I listed the codex entries & party banter as a positive (because I do like it), I feel that they leaned too heavily on that for the romance.

Let's contrast Lucanis' romance to Cullen's romance in DAI. After all, Cullen has also gone through some pretty traumatic shit and is literally struggling with Lyrium addiction when you meet him in Inquisition. I want you to remove all of Cullen's side-banter about the inquisitor, all party banter about their relationship, and all the codex entries. When you watch the cutscenes of his romance in order, you are still left with a solid romance. If you're a mage, you even get some heartbreaking mage-specific dialogue about whether or not he'd cut you down if you ever become an abomination.... And I'm getting off topic here, sorry.

My point is, these things are meant to be extra. They are not supposed to be the way you piece together bits of your own relationship and a substitute for companion interaction. And here is where I think DATV's choice not to let you randomly talk to your companions really hurts it as a game.

Romance Reactivity

There's a few points in the game where romance-specific dialogue would have really helped solidify things.

No, I don't mean flirting. I mean dialogue that reads like he's struggling with building the relationship - not bulldozing right past it. It makes the romance-specific dialogue wheel options feel rather useless.

One example is during one of his personal quests, Rook says

"I'm still here aren't I"

No facial reaction, "We need to talk about Illario"

You can see how this is a bit ... jarring, right? Like you may as well have not even picked the romance-specific dialogue? There's a few instances of this, but that one is just the one I can recall off the top of my head. When I pick the romance-specific dialogue wheel in Bioware games, there's always something about the response from the other character that indicates something more might be going on - it could be something as simple as a nervous smile, or an extra line of dialogue, or hell, maybe they flirt back (although with Lucanis I understand why he wouldn't).

If you're not going to show romance reactivity with Rook, give us a scene with Lucanis where we understand why. Show him fumbling to do something nice for them. Show him pacing and wondering if Rook is really into him. Show him struggling against Spite, if he's worried Spite will hurt Rook. Don't just tell us through codex entries. Show us.

Miscellaneous Sentiments & Final Thoughts

On the whole, I genuinely feel like Lucanis has the least content out of all the companions. Maybe it's because they laid off Courtney Woods & Mary Kirby, maybe there's another reason. I don't know. But so often I found myself going back to the Lighthouse wanting to talk to Lucanis but there's no little indicator thingy for him. But every time I go back Davrin, Harding, Bellara, etc. all have something to say.

We should have had an opportunity to delve a little bit more into his relationship with his family, unpacked the stuff with Caterina & Illario a bit more, and unpacked him being made First Talon. Which, if you read Tevinter Nights, you know he actually doesn't want the job. If they weren't going to include it as a cutscene, then extra dialogue (a-la-Inquisition) would have been a good place to fit that in.

On the whole, I still like aspects of his romance. I'm looking forward to romancing him again. I just feel that the romance could have benefitted from even 1 or 2 extra small scenes. If I can go on 1000 walks in the forest with Davrin and Assan, I should be able to have a real conversation with Lucanis about the relationship, his hangups about it, and try and work through it.

Keep the almost-kiss in there. An extra kiss before the finale would have been fine, but not necessary. What was necessary, imo, is a whooole lot of buildup throughout the course of Act 2 so it doesn't feel like you're getting whiplash in Act 3 when you do kiss and have the implied sex scene.

I think the concept art that was recently released feels like a gut punch to us Lucanis fans. Because it shows that Bioware had the skeleton of a great romance, and chose to axe nearly all of it.

It really feels like they didn't quite know what to do with his character and romance and just said 'put it all in the codex and banter and let them figure it out for themselves'.

Quick Notes

The argument that we should 'run to AO3' to fix our issues with the narrative, to me, is unproductive. Fanfiction should supplement the source material, not act as a replacement for good storytelling.

I don't think telling people to headcanon a majority of a romance they were looking forward to is helpful either. Headcanon is not supposed to replace storytelling either.

Boiling down the criticisms of Lucanis' romance to 'you just want more steam/sex/etc' is also unhelpful. Maybe it's just who I follow, but I have barely seen anyone (on here or reddit) state that this is their main problem with the romance.

Okay, that's it!

Bye!

[always-just-red]

@lunariadew asked: 'Can you write a poly fic maby like a feel good fic or date night or something with all the boys! I’m greedy and I think there’s not enough poly fics as there should be'

Nothing profound this time around! Just some good old-fashioned shenanigans. I've wanted to do a fic with all the boys for SO long (Infold, hire me to write a sitcom-style show for the guys, PLEASE) I've kept it platonic since it's early stages; it's open to interpretation about how many sparks are flying and between whom exactly..... 👀 But if ppl want more of this, I'm all over it. Platonic or romantic? I'll play it by ear!

Game Night

L&DS Boys X Reader

Summary: The most important men in your life can manage one evening together, right? For you? Please? Pretty please?

Genre: Fluff + humour

Warnings/Additional Tags: f!reader, some swearing, a lil conflict, non-canon (I know some of the guys probably know each-other but we're pretending they don't 😇)

| Word count: 4k | Masterlist | Opt-in to my taglist here!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!

“Rafayel… what do you think this is?”

The artist stands at your open door, wearing a self-assured smile and one of the flashier outfits you’ve seen him in, and that’s really saying something. Between you is a bouquet of lilies, petals curled like frozen licks of fire that compliment— deliberately, if you had to guess— the warmer fires within his eyes. Those eyes narrow at your question.

“What do you think it is?” he says suspiciously, lowering the flowers.

“…Game night?”

You’re not sure why you phrase it so tentatively. You know what it is; you’re the host. You open your door wider, stepping aside to give Rafayel a better view of the apartment behind you, and the remainder of his smile sinks.

“Hi,” Xavier calls out, and you don’t have to see him to know he’s giving a wholesome sort of wave.

“Hi…” Rafayel answers, barely more than a whisper as his eyes flit between everyone else in the room, because he’s the last to arrive. “Game night, yeah,” he nods assertively, “I knew that.” Then a deep breath: “Can I, like, put these somewhere—”

“Kitchen counter,” you gesture.

“Got it.” He doesn’t have to be told twice.

Closing the door behind him, you watch as he skirts past the lounge and makes for your kitchen, where another bouquet already lies waiting. He zeroes in on it. “Looks like mine’s not the only heart you’re breaking tonight, huh, cutie? What are these—” he pokes at a petal— “daturas?”

“They’re her favourite,” speaks a distinctly low voice.

Rafayel doesn’t look up. He plonks his bouquet on top of the other and winces: “They’re really not, though.”

“He’s right,” you chip in, giving Sylus a sheepish smile, and now Rafayel looks up, beaming.

“She likes roses,” Zayne says, with the calm confidence he’d quote a medical journal. On the sofa beside him, Xavier nods, and you grin at them both.

“Noted,” Sylus chuckles.

Rafayel’s less convinced. “Since when?!”

“Since forever, Raf. I like lilies too, so I didn’t say anything, ‘kay?” You beckon him back to the lounge, ignoring his splutters of disbelief. “C’mere, let me introduce you to everyone.”

The man slinks to your side like a reluctant shadow, and your hands find your hips. “This is Zayne. Xavier,” you point out, putting faces to names; Rafayel’s heard stories about each. Then you nod towards Sylus. “Over there’s Skye.”

From his place by the window, Sylus lifts a hand in greeting.

“So… yeah,” you finish. Oh, wait! “Guys, this is—”

“They know who I am,” Rafayel shrugs, his fame apparently heavy on his shoulders. He glances around the room for validation, but he gets none, so he tries again. “You do know who I am, right?”

“Sorry,” Xavier admits with an awkward smile, glancing back at Sylus: you?

The man has to think about it. You know for a fact he’s traded more than one of Rafayel’s paintings for a profit, but he smirks and gives an even more exaggerated shrug than the artist himself.

Really?

“You’re Rafayel,” Zayne states plainly.

“Yeah! See, I told you, cutie—”

“You slipped on a paintbrush and checked yourself into Akso, right? The nurses still talk about it.”

Rafayel’s enthusiasm drains. He looks conflicted as he mulls over the additional information. “In, like, a good way?” he hazards.

Zayne stares back at him, wielding silence like a scalpel before cutting deeper with a: “…sure.”

You bite back a smile. Leaving the two to discuss the finer details of Rafayel’s notoriety at the hospital, you wander over to the kitchen, where you fish out a vase from the back of a cupboard. You fill it, set it down on the counter, then reach for Sylus’s bouquet. There’s a black satin ribbon; you untie it.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, sweetie?” asks the man himself, joining you discreetly.

The others can’t really hear you— they’re still talking. “What,” you smirk, retrieving your scissors from a drawer, “you worried Xavier’s gonna arrest you?”

Sylus laughs lowly, quietly. “That’s adorable.”

“Good.” You pick up a flower and trim a leaf from the stem. “Because even if he wanted to—” you wave it, just short of his face— “I’d protect you, ok?”

He regards the flower beneath his nose. Smiles smugly. “These can be toxic, sweetie.”

“Really? Whoops.” You put it down, then snatch up a lily from Rafayel’s bouquet. “En Garde!”

“These too.”

“What the hell?”

The flame-red flower drops from your fingers, and Sylus laughs more sincerely. “Stick to roses, kitten. Or…” He moves his hand over his deconstructed bouquet, his Evol pruning the rest of the leaves from the stems. A tendril of it gathers the flowers, delivering them to him so he can hold them out to you with a flourish. “Live dangerously. Who am I to judge?”

You take them, then plop them into the vase. “Cute.”

“I’m here all week,” he grins. “You’d better wash your hands, hmm?”

With a hmph of agreement, you turn to the sink. You spend half a minute, rubbing soap and warm water over your hands, and when you turn back around— still drying them— something is different. The lilies are gone. Sylus is looking at you, innocuous.

“Real mature, Skye.”

He makes no effort to defend himself. You’re about to tell him that his magic better extend to making flowers reappear when your attention is whipped back to the lounge. The voices from that side have raised, so you lean forward on your kitchen island, watching their owners in a sort of stakeout.

“I take it you have a plan,” Sylus whispers, leaning with you.        

You look at him. He looks back. “The plan is for hosts,” you scold, “not guests.” He’s much too close so you step away, reaching for the vase of daturas and holding them threateningly out, like you’re not afraid to use them. “Go back to the guests, deserter.”

Sylus lifts his hands in surrender, smirking in a way that says he knows he’s met his match. You shoo him further, back into enemy lines, then resume your stakeout. Xavier is sharing his own “embarrassing” medical story— talking about a time where he once passed out from exhaustion while fighting at your side, and you think it’s supposed to make Rafayel feel better.

It doesn’t, of course, and even Zayne is gazing down at the floor, self-conscious.

Sylus meets your eyes across the room, signals with a tip of his head: now's a good time for that master plan, sweetie.

Right. Your plan. Your master plan, yeah.

…

“You should have picked the doctor.”

Sylus’s words are near-silent: for you, not anyone else, and you pretend you don’t hear them. “But no,” he carries on, because he knows you can, “you just had to have the artist.”

“It’s Pictionary!” you snap, drawing all eyes in the room.

Lounging beside you, Sylus feigns an amused surprise, as though he hasn’t just been trying to illicit that exact reaction. On the other sofa, Zayne and Xavier stare, taken more genuinely aback. You give a smile of apology.

“Guys, concentrate!” Rafayel clicks his fingers at you. He’s stood in the centre of the space by a large drawing pad, and he goes back to frantically sketching on it. The drawing is… interesting. Abstract. Maybe even beautiful? But you don’t have a clue what it is.

“Thirty seconds,” warns Zayne, studying the little egg-timer he’s guarding.

You tilt your head at the drawing. There’s maybe a— wait, where did those extra colours come from? Where did he even get those pens? Anyway… there’s a circle. “A globe?” you guess. “Earth! No? Umm… oh! The sun! The moon!”

Rafayel shakes his head with every suggestion, adding even more intricate, unhelpful scribbles. Is that a fifth pen?! You nudge your other teammate, calling for back-up.

Sylus regards the drawing listlessly. “A unicorn.”

“What?!” Rafayel’s tone has reached a pitch that almost makes you wince. “No! C’mon, are you even trying?”

“No,” Sylus lilts with a pleasant smile, lifting the drink he’s been nursing to his lips.

You kick his foot. “A bowl of fruit!” you exclaim, determined to make up for the lack of enthusiasm. “A plate? A plate with food? Breakfast! Lunch! Dinner!”

“Time’s up,” Zayne interrupts, and it’s a mercy, really; you deflate with a sigh.

Rafayel puts his hands on his hips as he takes a step back to observe his work. He tucks four fine-liners back into his pocket— purses his lips as though he really can’t see a problem— and he’s keeping you all in suspense.

Sylus is up in an instant, stealing a card from where it’s been discarded on the coffee table. He reads the answer, then rolls his eyes. The original pen was also abandoned, so he plucks it up, then strides to the drawing pad.

He draws an oval. Then a triangle.

“A fish! A fish!” you cry out.

“You’re good at this, sweetie,” Sylus grins. He puts the lid on the pen with a click before dropping it into Rafayel’s hand.

“Is it my turn?” Xavier asks, trying to relieve the tension of the room. He gets up and smiles as Rafayel passes him the pen. “Your drawing is pretty. The composition is really—”

“Don’t,” Rafayel says. “Like, thanks? But don’t.”

“Fair enough,” Xavier chuckles.

You all prepare for the next round: Zayne handing you the egg-timer, Xavier re-organising the stack of prompt cards. Sylus takes a photo of the drawing pad before ambling back over— a moping Rafayel in tow— and they both sink down either side of you. You glance at the latter, giggling. “A fish, Raf? Really?”

“So I didn’t just wanna draw you some basic fish, ok?” The artist crosses his arms with a pout. “But fine, enjoy mediocrity, I guess.”

To your left, Sylus raises his glass in toast to the notion. There’s a noise: Xavier tearing the used page from the pad. You look up. “Xavier, can I have that?”

“Sure.” He brings it over to you.

You look at the drawing again, holding it at arm’s length and rotating it experimentally. You’re seeing a lot, but nothing that screams ‘fish’. There’s a circle, still. Oh! “It’s a fish bowl! Wait, wait, wait— is that Reddie?”

“Yeah!” Rafayel beams.

“Aww!”

The renewed team spirit drops off with Sylus; he’s on his phone, not paying attention. He seems to sense your scrutiny because he peers up, gives a ghost of a smile, then returns to whatever he’s doing. Meanwhile, Xavier is ready for his turn, so he signals for you to start the timer. You give him a thumbs up as you turn it over. “Go!”

He starts drawing.

“A car,” Zayne guesses after all of five seconds. Correct. Next. “A river? No. Oh. A snake.” Yes. “A cupcake?” Also yes. (In fairness, he was never going to struggle with that one.) “A person? Ok. Oh, a scientist, no? Ah, a doctor.” Yes again, and really— what?

Zayne continues to list correct answers, though thankfully, that’s the last of the coincidences. You watch on, vaguely in awe, until you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. You check it casually, aware that Sylus is next to you, looking down at it too.

It’s a text from him: The drawing… Can I have it?

You glance up at him subtly, meeting his eyes and giving a discreet yet firm shake of your head. He frowns. You’re not having this debate here, now, so you let your gaze return to the drawing pad while idly retrieving your drink.

A few seconds later, there’s another text: Found buyer

Then another: Quarter of a mil

You almost choke on that drink.

“Umm… cutie?” Rafayel asks, poking you. He points at the timer you’ve left on the coffee table, and the top half is empty.

“Shit, yeah. That’s time!” you call.

Xavier stops drawing. The small, crude sketches behind him have reached double digits. He looks really proud. “Great! How many was that?”

His eyes find you. Zayne and Rafayel’s, too. Were you supposed to be counting? Uh—

“Eleven,” says Sylus, and it’s way too smug to be a lie.

“Awesome!” Xavier flips the drawing pad over to where you’ve been tallying point totals. He adds eleven marks to one side. “That’s—” he counts both— “ah, thirty-three to nine.”

A silence falls over the room. Unsure of what else to do, you give a half-hearted round of applause and Xavier laughs awkwardly, still humble, despite it all. “I think we’re kinda done with Pictionary, yeah?” you suggest, rising from your seat. “I should probably get started on food, anyway.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.”

The insistence came from Xavier, and you freeze suspiciously; he’s never turned down free food.

“You’ve already done so much,” he explains, “setting this all up for us. You should relax, really! Leave it to me.”

The word ‘relax’ is not synonymous with the image of Xavier anywhere near your kitchen, but he’s looking at you so earnestly, blue eyes brimming with warmth, and what are you supposed to say? No thanks, Xavier— I value my life? Everyone’s watching you. Gods help you. “That’s really sweet, Xavier. Thanks.”

Your fellow Hunter’s smile widens even more. He heads off to the kitchen, a spring to his step that makes your heart sink with dread. “Actually—” you glance at your ex-teammates— “could you two go help him? Zayne and I’ll tidy up over here.”

Rafayel and Sylus do as they’re asked, even though their expressions remind you that cooking is not, typically, a three-man job. It’s tactical, though. You wanted a moment alone with Zayne. “Are you ok?” you ask, once the others are out of earshot. “I know this must all be a lot. The guys can be, well… yeah.”

He knows what you mean, right?

Zayne has slipped away from the couch; he’s crouched on the floor, collecting a few prompt cards that have wandered astray. He glances up at you, pushing his glasses back on his nose. “I’m ok,” he assures with a fond smile. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome.” He hands you the cards and you slot them back into their deck. Then you turn to the drawing pad. “You and Xavier make a good team, huh?”

The doctor straightens to his full height. “Mmm. It helped that we didn’t spend the entire game comparing the size of our… drawing abilities.” 

You laugh unashamedly. The pen’s still at-hand, so you pick it up— reward another point.

Zayne chuckles.

“Food’s gonna be a while.”

You both turn, following the voice back to Sylus, who has apparently decided he’s had his fill of kitchen duty. What was that— a minute? He seems to have anticipated your dissatisfaction, because he’s brought a bribe with him: the box of chocolates that had come with his bouquet. It’s already open and he holds it out, tempting you.

He’s right— you don’t know when you’ll next be eating— so you select a heart-shaped chocolate, popping it into your mouth with a smile and a muffled: “thanks.”

Sylus smiles back. Then he holds the box out to Zayne. “Doctor?”

It takes a nod of encouragement from you to prompt Zayne into taking something. He chooses a white chocolate truffle, mumbles his own thanks, but Sylus doesn’t relent— not yet. He shakes the box slightly, incitingly, and he doesn’t move it away until Zayne takes two more.

Your physician shoots you a surreptitious smile as Sylus falls back onto the couch, content he’s won your hearts, and that he won’t be sent back to the kitchen anytime soon. His long fingers lift another chocolate from the box, and he meets your eyes as he slips it slowly past his lips, humming likes he’s enjoying himself.

You cross your arms, unimpressed. He gives you the least convincing look of innocence you’ve ever seen.

There’s an exclamation from the kitchen: “Hey, where did my flowers go!?” 

Shit. You hastily push the drawing pad aside then scurry over to assist Rafayel. You don’t have a plan, exactly; it’s not like you can help him look for them. “Umm… they’re around, Raf. I moved them somewhere safer, that’s all.”

“Where?”

“Uh—”

“Does it matter?” Sylus speaks from behind you, because he and Zayne are close at your heels. “She said they’re somewhere safe.” He leans on the kitchen island. “Don’t you trust her?”

Rafayel scoffs. “I trust her plenty.”

“So prove it. Drop it.”

“Skye,” you caution, “stop.”

Sylus does stop, but not because you asked. He’s done enough already, hasn’t he? Rafayel is bristling with indignance— a lit fuse— and behind him, Xavier sneakily checks the trash can, looking relieved at what he doesn’t find. He gives you a subtle glance: Where actually are the flowers?

You lift a shoulder an inch: Beats me!

There’s a soft, almost imperceptible crackle, and it draws your eyes to the vase of daturas between you all. They’ve caught light— their petals twisting, darkening, within larger flowers of fire.

“Rafayel!” you gasp. “No, no, no, the fire alarm!”

The torched flowers are encased, all of a sudden, in a fine layer of shimmering frost. Sylus blinks down at them, unmoved by their destruction. Zayne’s hand is still outstretched, snowflakes etched over his palm. Then something… odd happens. The ice doesn’t stop. It spreads over the rest of the kitchen island, to all of your bewilderment.

“Zayne?” Your voice is fraught with worry, but you don’t give a damn about your kitchen.

The man winces, and you so rarely see him out of control. The silver-white patterns have crawled up his wrist, and the ice continues to spread; even Sylus steps back. Sharp, jagged crystals start to form— inching out towards everyone.

“Zayne!” you try again.

His chest rises as he drags air through his teeth; it looks like it hurts, but the ice does stop. The others are still, suspended by momentary uncertainty, and you rush to Zayne’s side, taking his hand.

“What the hell was that?” Rafayel remarks, shaking away his surprise and thawing an icicle that’s way too close for comfort.

“He wouldn’t have needed to use his Evol if you hadn’t used yours.”

It’s Xavier, strangely— you would have expected Sylus. The Hunter’s tone is gentle as always, but there’s something behind it, this time: a frustration that lends an edge.

Rafayel hears it too. “Hey, I’m not the one who started this!” He points to Sylus. “He—”

“Has been lighting fires all evening,” Xavier finishes. “But at least his were only figurative.”

Sylus laughs, and it’s the kind of laugh where you just know he’s vying to make things worse. “Look at that,” he says, “the boy next door can bite.”

Xavier’s eyes sharpen. Beside you, Zayne slips his hand from yours. It’s an instinct you know well. This moment is volatile, and you have to be ready. It could go a dozen different ways; it’s just waiting for a spark.

“Guys,” you manage to get out, “please, just… everyone, take a breath, ok? Everything’s fine, we just have to—”

A spark.

There’s smoke. Actual smoke. “Xavier, behind you!” Zayne alerts.

It’s creeping out of the oven and Xavier turns— eyes wide— to open its door before any of you can stop him. Thicker smoke billows out, filling the air, and you all scramble away from it. The fire alarm triggers. You think Rafayel’s shouting something, but you can’t really hear him. Then Sylus is shouting. Maybe even Zayne. The alarm is piercing your ears and making you dizzy— or is it the smoke?

You feel a hand on your shoulder and suddenly everything changes.

There’s cool air, brushing over your skin, and it’s dark; you’re outside the building. You can still hear the alarm, shrill but further away, and your window is easy to spot: there’s a red light flashing behind it. Sylus leans into your vision, saying your name.

“Stay here,” he tells you, “alright?”

He’s gone in another moment, lost to a flicker of crimson-black darkness.

Gods, you’re so stupid.

…

You sit on a short wall outside of your building, and the street is full of people. You recognise most of them: neighbours. Every single one is mad at you. You’re all waiting for the alarm to cut out— for the all-clear to be given. The fire wasn’t that serious in the end, but there’s still a procedure. You would know; this isn’t exactly your first evacuation.

The guys are safe, which is good, because it means you can kill them later. They’ve all gotten lost in the throng, and your neighbours can keep them. Maybe they’ll kill them for you.  

“Hey, cutie.”

You were staring down at your feet, but you look up at Rafayel’s voice. He’s coming towards you, evoking a sense of déjà vu, because he’s clutching a bouquet of flame lilies. That’s… the bouquet of flame lilies. How?

“Skye gave ‘em back to me,” he explains, chuckling at your expression, and he’s close enough now to hold the flowers out to you. “I don’t know where he was keeping them. His Evol’s weird, huh?”

“Yeah,” you say timidly, taking the bouquet and gazing down into the petals; they still smell sweet.

Rafayel sits next to you, shuffling close, and he leans his head on your shoulder with a tired sigh. You want to be mad at him. You really, really do— but you’re suddenly not.

“I’m sorry, Rafayel.” The admission barely makes it out of your throat.

You feel his head lift. “You’re sorry?”

“I know it was just a misunderstanding,” you speak into the flowers, “but tonight… wasn’t what you were expecting, I get it. I mean, I kinda threw you into the deep end with all this. You didn’t know you were gonna be around other people, and I—”

“Whoa— cut that out, yeah? You’re killing me, cutie. I spend the whole evening causing trouble, and you’re gonna take all the blame? Nope. Not happening. It was a collaborative effort at least, ok?”

You giggle. “Ok.”  

“Good.” His head slumps back down on your shoulder, and yours tilts to rest against it. “Thanks, though. Really,” he whispers, so quiet you almost don’t notice.

Footsteps and familiar voices draw you from the intimacy of the moment. The others are wandering back to you, having finally escaped the veritable mob of your neighbours. They all look tired.

Xavier settles down on the other side of you, and Zayne sits beside him. Sylus takes a seat next to Rafayel with a huff, but he’s not half as unhappy as he’s pretending to be.

All of you sit in silence, gazes flitting between your window— where there are still glimpses of moving figures— and everyone else who’s been evacuated. For the first time all evening, the quiet isn’t tense. It’s peaceful. Easy.

“We’ll do better next time,” Zayne speaks softly.

Next time? You scoff. “Do any of you actually want there to be a next time?”

“I had fun,” Sylus chuckles. He’s taken his coin from his pocket, and he flips it, amusing himself.

“I had fun too,” Xavier grins.

“Cooking again, Xavier?” quips one of your neighbours, as they happen to pass by.

The man beside you laughs, but you can tell it’s forced. Your hand finds his; you give it a little squeeze, letting him know that it wasn’t his fault. His heart was in the right place. It’s always in the right place.

You nudge Rafayel away from you so you can sit up straighter, your free hand rubbing your arm, caressing prickled skin. You’re about to ask for a jacket when something heavy drapes over your shoulders. It’s a coat— still warm— and its owner is stood behind you; you didn’t even notice him get up.

“Thanks, Sylus,” you smile.

All eyes turn to you. What are they—?

Oh.

[yuurivoice]

Ah yes, the decaying corpse of Twitter strikes once again, but wait! Could it be that the user base is finally so sick of the goofball loser chode at the helm that we've decided to well and truly yeet?

Sorta, for me at least. I've long grown tired of Twitter's rapid decline into what I can only call a whirlpool of toxicity that feeds engagement to the worst people. The negative post turned dunking retweet loop is not really my thing, given that it all seems to boil down to dick wagging and self congratulatory circle jerks.

It's just not a platform I enjoy using at this point. It has been my go to for information and news more than anything, and frankly, I can just go get it elsewhere.

Tumblr, ironically, has withstood the test of time. I began my journey here, and I'm going to invest more time into using it as more than a glorified ask box. How much effort I want to put into it remains to be seen, but I'll probably do more posting and promo here on the blog because SURPRISE tags work. They've always worked. They're fantastic. People can find my shit. There are years old posts still thriving today, because tags.

I am also over on BlueSky! I have high hopes for the platform as it seems to really skew towards everything I prefer in terms of user base, interactions, engagement, etc! I think now is a really good time to try it out and give it a spin as new users are piling in and it has a lot of promise.

Like, actually. I know a lot of us have done the new platform song and dance for years. But Musk and his new best friend seem to have radically alienated a huge portion of users and the line in the sand has been drawn.

So, follow me here!

[aceghosts]

Meet My Rook: Warden Zalan Thorne

Template by @arcandoria

[romana-after-dark]

Little Tease

Dark!Logan x Fem!reader

Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist

Follow @romana-updates and click follow, join my tumblr community or ask to join the tag list to keep up!

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

Summary: Logan is trying to train you, but you keep teasing him. It's not his fault, really.

Warnings: Dub con but reader is secrtly into it. logan in a position of authority but to be clear, this is NOT student reader, or teenager reader at the school. This is a short fic so we're not getting into a backtory but that is NOT what this is.

Based on this ask.

More apoligetic non con? Read this series!

Divider by @coolcatsgraphics

1000 follower fundraiser game!

You were doing this on purpose.

Itty bitty shorts. Tight sports bra. Just you and him on the sparing matt and fuck, you looked delicious as sweaty and heaving.

Logan was the gym teacher, but that's not why he was here with you. He didn't spar with students, especially not while shirtless. Students had appropriate gym uniforms. Student's didn't dress like whores tempting him to pounce.

But you were. You wanted him. He saw it in the way you smirked at him when he looked at your tits. He felt it in the way you wiggled your butt when he took you down. He smelled it. Ohhhh he smelled it. The wetness between your legs whenever you and him tousled.

The premise of the rendezvous began innocently enough. You were a mutant, but not one with any powers that could protect you. You weren't like Jean, Remy, Hank, or him.... instead, you were empathic, able to make people feel what you felt and vice versa. This was something that put a target on your back, but you had no ability to protect yourself.

So, you asked Logan to help you, to train you in at least basic self defense so that those who would hurt you for being a mutant wouldn't have an easy time, and you didn't have to simply depend on the protection of others.

and it was torcher. How was he expected tp go about him day after feel your skin, your body under him, your sweet smell... he left rock hard every day.

Until today, when he flipped you around and swept your leg, he landed on top of you. he didn't get up.

"Alright Logan." you chuckle and grunt, attempting to get up but his 300 pounds kept your sweaty face pressed to the mat. "You made you point."

"This is why you gotta watch your legs, pumpkin. I been tell'n you, you're not steady."

"I knoooooow" You can't help but groan. "But can you get your fat ass up? Crushing me here."

Logan's face nuzzled your neck, the hair of his sideburns tickling you. "that's not fat, and you fucking know it. That's the skeleton, you know what that means?"

you huff your answer. "That you're gonna suffocate me under here?"

"It means I can protect you, pumpkin." Logan feels your whole body still underneath him. "Don't need to worry 'bout a thing, not with me around..." He trails his fingers down your sides, feeling the lightweight workout material separating you from him.

Once again, you try to push him off, but all the push ups he makes you do are no match for his heavy weight. "Logan. I think you got the wrong idea-" But he cuts you off with a deep kiss t those sweet lips of yours, sucking n your tongue and biting on your lips even as you squirm under him. Your movements only served to stimulate his cock in the loose grey gym shorts.

When he pulls away, a string of spit connects him to you for another moment still. "No wrong idea, baby." Logan draws up his claws just a little, juuust enough that when he slides his knuckles over the crack of your ass, your pathetic, half-see through leggings shred underneath him.

"Logan! Stop!" Your voice cracks as you slap at the blue matt. "Get the fuck off me! I'm tellin Scott!"

"I'm TeLlInG ScOtT!" Logan mocks you, freeing his acing cock and sliding the uncut tip over you wet little slit. He knew you'd be wet, he could mell it on you, but this was something else. "No, you're not pumpkin. Know why? Because the second Jean looks into your m- oooh fuck- when she looks into that pretty little head of yours, she's gonna feel it. Right here." He slides a hand between you and the sticky matt, feeling your stomach right where his tip pokes you. "She's gonna feel how you felt right here, the warmth in your tummy when you watch me warm up, the way it flips when i touch you and, and the way it's clenching right now, ready to come on my cock after only a few strokes.

You whimper, know logically, realistically, Scott wouldn't question you like that, that jean wouldn't tell him any arousal you felt, that the fact you were telling him to stop would be enough for Scott...But a part of you pictured him doubting you, laughing at you even. you couldn't take it.

Instead, you try to appeal to Loga's decency. Even as your stomach swirled and tightened. "Logan, I was just teasing, I didn't mean-"

"But you did, pumpkin." Logan railed into you, one hand pressed between shoulder blades you keep you down, the other squeezing and pulling and touching your body. "You wanted it, you wanted me and you were just to scared to ask. Don't worry," He huffs, hot breath against your ear. "I got you."

He fucked into your core with a fervor you've never felt, a desire for you that was palpable in the air. He was hot, and you did want him... but not like this. "Logan..." You stop moving, stop squirming, stop fighting and lay down. When he sucks kiss to your neck, you can't help it anymore and cum on his cock stretching you open.

"Good girl..." Logan groans, your tightness pushing him over the edge. He bred your sweet pussy full of his cum, pumping you so full that as he continued to pound into you, the white slick platters out from around his member.

When it was over, he continued to lay on top of you, holding you close to him with hi nose familiarizing himself with the scent of your hair. Delicious.

"Logan..." You whimper underneath him. "Just let me go... I'm not gonna tell Scott, or- or anyone. Just please get off me."

"I'm sorry, pumpkin..." He licked a stripe up the side of your face. "not even Scott could keep me away from you now. You're mind." Logan sits up, resting back on his haunches and undoes his jacket. With surprisingly gentle hands, Logan pulls you up and wraps the sweatshirt around your waist to cover the hole he riped in your leggings and underwear. "I'm not gonna stop doing this."

****************************

thanks guys!!!! I've been cracking down on school so not as much time to write :(((

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @del-ightfulling @madamerubrum @journal3sposts @tomhockstetter7-111 @and-claudia @yeaiamme2 @xoxabs88xox @hornystan @mortuary-reads @hereforthehitsbaby y @alexisdotnett @kemi707 @spookysquids @zaggprincess2 @freythecrazyfae @esperanza229 @chocolatequeenbasement

[heyftinally]

I really appreciate this addition, so thank you :)

I have told a few close friends that I strongly suspect I have ADHD (they have ADHD diagnoses and we all share very similar traits, so it's HIGHLY likely that I'm right), but I also know there's...strong opinions...in disability spaces, both about self diagnosis and about including things like ADHD on disability posts, especially if they started out heavily focused on physical disabilities. I try my best to be considerate of whatever generally considered appropriate/best practice, but I'm often hesitant because I've had a few too many people basically tell me my opinion isn't wanted or I don't have enough knowledge to contribute. Which...I know I don't know everything. I just know myself and my friends. So I generally keep to the tags on disability posts unless someone - like yourself - decides my tags are worth sharing more broadly.

Idk, getting a little personal here on your post, but sometimes I feel like me over here with my fidgets and my food texture aversions and terrible executive function is a far cry from chronic pain, years of fighting doctors, mobility aids, and cocktails of medications just to get through the day. So I don't generally put them on larger community posts, because it just kind of seems...trivial. People are having to contend with getting stared at and whether the hassle of bringing a mobility aid is worth the pain it will save later, and I just toss a small plastic trinket in my pocket, double check my plan, and I'm more or less fine.

So yeah, thank you for your kind words. It was nice to read. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I'm allowed to call my struggles what they are, because they seem so minor compared to what others have to deal with. But it's not a contest, after all.

Local PSA: invisible disability does NOT mean you can live your life like a "normal person" invisible disability meant that if a stranger looks at you in public they wouldn't know what's going on.

Like if a wheelchair user were to decide to run into a corner store to grab a candy bar because they know that their legs can last that long without, the cashier wouldn't know.

Or someone with "mild" scoliosis walking upright through their shoulder leans slightly to the left. Maybe they just have bad posture. The lady in the next isle thinks to herself.

The person with EDS or POTS or whatever sort of condition wearing compression gloves out and about. Perhaps it's a fashion statement?

Or what about the people with intestinal issues? They can look like "normal people" too.

You never know what someone is going through.

You never know what they might need to survive or if they're on the edge of a flare up or even if they are currently going through one just by one look.

I think both disabled and non disabled need to realize this. You're not "no longer disabled" because you can "live without" disability aids. They're there to help you. To make your life easier. If living without a cane is going to make it more likely you'll fall over and hurt yourself, use the cane.

If you need to sit down to do dishes or cut vegetables because you need to save your legs for taking out the trash, sit down.

If you need a shower chair because you don't know if you'll pass out, use the shower chair.

People are going to judge you regardless for multiple reasons out of your control.

I'd rather they judge you while you're being safe.

You don't need to struggle to be "normal."

You can just be you.

However that looks for you.

Use your disability aids.

[sockatoothewafflebird]

i keep scrolling through the arcane tag and at least 40% of it is about caitlyn kiramman's warmongering dictator arc. apologies to my followers for being so obsessed with her but i have to add more fuel to the fire that is caitlyn character analyses. please hear me because only one of my caitlyn posts gets attention i want it to be this one.

i personally see caitlyn's character in season 2 as:

a painfully realistic portrayal of how quickly the privileged can go off their rockers at the lower class when they do literally anything wrong. "It's so easy to hate them."

a woman in mourning with no outlet for her grief and anger, scraping at the walls for any semblance of revenge she can get her hands on.

a puppet of the leaders that will use her for their own gain, which will ultimately only make the corruption and prejudice in the system worse and worse. (ambessa.... when i catch you ambessa...)

all of these things can coexist. and they do. arcane is so fucking good at making complex, nuanced, morally-grey characters, and caitlyn is no different.

(putting the rest under the cut bc this got LONG... sorry💀)

something about when you spend your life as a part of the upper class, equality feels like oppression. something about the upper class lashes out when the lower class does nothing but defend themselves, because both feel threatened by the other, but only the lower class is justified in that. something about CAITLYN IS A GASLIGHT-GATEKEEP-GIRLBOSS AND I DO NOT CONDONE HER ACTIONS!!! i stand with my cancelled queen in the sense that i just want to know if she pulls out a ukulele or reciepts!

the worst part about being a caitlyn fan is that she's gonna get worse before she gets better. that's a plain and simple fact. she is going to hurt people, she is going to kill people, she is going to fuck things up; whether it be directly or indirectly, by her own hand or through the puppeteering of ambessa. probably both.

she is going to do horrible things, whether we like it or not. she already has, look at the ventilation systems and how she exploited the grey. she'll only truly be able to realize she's wrong if she goes down to zaun and sees the damage she's done for herself, thinks long and hard about what she's fighting for. she's lost her way and she's gonna have to crawl through the trenches to find it again.

she's using and abusing her power because of things she shouldn't be using as excuses. jinx killed her mother; the attacks at the memorial service; except those don't justify her actions. explains them, maybe. but she's turning into the exact kind of person you'd expect someone of her status to become. someone with power to her name, using it against those below her because she thinks it's justified, with no one bold enough to stop her.

she's going down a dark path and i am HERE to see how she fixes her mistakes in the end... if she even does. i'm excited to see what they do with her. will vi forgive her? will anyone?

that's for the writers to decide. i have faith that they'll execute it well no matter which way it goes. flawed, yes, as all things are, but they will get this right. if they don't i'm gonna be on a watchlist by the end of the month.

oh, caitlyn kiramman, gaslighting-gatekeeping-girlbossing in act 2. what a piece of work. and i'm just a down-bad lesbian that likes psychoanalyzing fictional lesbians. like... have you seen that woman???? she's too good to not put under a microscope. it's like the writers were baiting me specifically.

if anyone has any theories btw, caitlyn related or not, lemme hear them because i will listen. i will read every essay about this show i come across if it costs me my life 🫡

[nekumiho]

this is the only thing i worked on for like 48 hours straight. hi. gonna put these on stickers n can badges soon. probably magnets too. Maybe coasters. i spent too long on these to only put them on two things. i need them all around my home bc i've been meaning to whip these up for literally months.

they won't be up on my shop until sometime in december but here's a coming soon link because i'm excited...

(dont tag as kin/id/me/etc, edit, or use without permission tysm)

[nightmares-like-thunder]

I was going to rant on the tags but i got fired up writing them so here goes instead

I'm taking a class on comprehension and production of scientific texts and we're studying a paper about why university students can't write and it argues that students hate writing because during their formative years the education system never gave them the tools to understand texts and write correctly, it was more of a "oh just focus on the content and you'll learn the format later, in the next grade" but then they were never taught and so students get to college and they have to do research or a thesis or long writing assignments and theyre evaluated on something that was never taught to them, so they struggle

And so in class we're arguing about this and chat gpt comes up and students say "hey i love that thing", bc of course people invented the machine-that-writes-what-i-tell-it-to-write, and not only does it do the work for them but it also fixes what they write so they assume this is foolproof, but they dont have the ability to distinguish something that is well-written from something that isn't, and teachers honestly dont have the time to proofread every single assignment so they get away with it

So what at first was "i know the content but i dont know how to write it" becomes "i dont need the content because something else is already going to write it for me" and so they stop learning altogether, theyre not reading or writing or taking notes because they have the school-machine right there in their phones

It's extremely frustrating because they see reading and writing and something that they need to do for the teacher instead of for themselves, like dude idk how to explain to you that the teacher already knows this stuff, youre the one that needs to learn this, you signed up for this degree voluntarily (and im an astronomy student, research is the entire purpose of the field), and they get defensive saying like "what so am i just supposed to fail if i cant write a paper?" YES FOR FUCKS SAKE IF YOU CANT PUT YOUR THOUGHTS INTO WORDS YOU NEED TO TAKE CORRECTIVE ACTION, YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO READ AND WRITE AND DO RESEARCH BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTING FOR YOU

It's simply fucked up how people are okay with not being able to read or learn through anything that is not a teacher talking to them like theyre 5, or now, a tiktok with subway surfers playing on the back while AI reads a reddit post, like fr youd realize that your degree is extremely interesting if you had the willingness to get a little bored and a little frustrated

The teacher said she struggles to find papers that are short enough for us to analyze in class because she knows we can only read a few pages and anything too long will just be put through chat gpt and summarized, so the longest thing we've read has been around 12 pages

People who cannot read more than 12 pages are reaching college level classes and forcing teachers to dumb down their content bc if they failed everyone (AS THEY SHOULD) it could jeopardize their jobs

This is,,, more than ever,,, the bad place

do you have any ideas about why so many students are struggling with literacy now? I know that illiteracy and reading comprehension have been issues for years and most americans read at like a 5th grade reading level but I’m curious why it seems to be worse now (pandemic? no child left behind?)

It is everything. There’s not one answer. I could talk about this forever so instead I set a five minute timer on my phone and wrote a list of as many of the many things that are causing this on a systemic level that I could think of:

It’s parents not reading with their kids (a privilege, but some parents have that privilege to be able to do this and don’t.)

It’s youtube from birth and never being bored.

It’s phasing out phonics for sight words (memorizing without understanding sounds or meaning) in elementary schools in the early aughts.

It’s defunding public libraries that do all the community and youth outreach.

It’s NCLB and mandating standardized tests which center reading short passages as opposed to longform texts so students don’t build up the endurance or comprehension skills.

It’s NCLB preventing schools from holding students back if they lack the literacy skills to move onto the next grade because they can’t be left behind so they’re passed on.

It’s the chronic underfunding of ESL and Special Ed programs for students who need extra literacy support.

It’s the cultural devaluing of the humanities in favor of stem and business because those make more money which leads to a lot of students to completely disregard reading and writing.

It’s the learning loss from covid.

It’s covid trauma manifesting in a lot of students as learned helplessness, or an inability to “figure things out” or push through adversity to complete challenging tasks independently, especially reading difficult texts.

It’s covid normalizing cheating and copying.

It’s increasing phone use.

It’s damage to attention span exacerbated by increased phone use that leaves you without an ability to sit and be bored ever without 2-3 forms of constant stimulation.

It’s shortform video becoming the predominant form of social media content as opposed to anything text-based.

It’s starting to also be generative AI.

It’s the book bans.

what did I miss.

[nightlyrequiem]

A request of with Valeria and fem reader inspired by the song let me love you by Mario. Where basically Valeria is interested in the reader but reader is in a shitty relationship and Valeria basically convinces them to leave their partner for her and then treats the reader miles better and like they're royalty

I think I really cooked here. I got to write a little bit of angst and some wholesomeness

Listened to this song and I think I have to add it to my playlist. I'm certainly always going to associate it with Valeria forever now

I'm not going to lie, I put off writing this because I wasn't sure how to even start it but once I did start it came so easily. Fun request to write. I had a good time writing it and I hope you have a good time reading it.

Tags/Warnings: WLW, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Romance, Mentions of Cheating

Let Me Love You

Valeria has had her eyes on you for a while. Pretty much since she first met you, she's been pining. A dog at your feet, tail thumping against the ground. Softness isn't in her nature. Valeria is vicious, and mean, and violent, but never with you. An intricate, priceless glass sculpture. Made to be handled with the upmost care. Shined and dusted every day. Instead, you're pushed aside on a crowded shelf and left to deteriorate. Accidently dropped and cracked but never repaired. Pieces of you broken off and haphazardly swept into a trash bag.

You're sobbing in her arms. So hard that you're gasping for breath, shoulders tense and jerking with each wretched cry. He cheated on you again. She pushes your face into the crook of her neck. Hoping her scent makes you forget the smell of the cheap perfume you smelled on his shirt. 

"It's like you enjoy being hurt." Valeria whispers into your hair. Hand trailing between your shoulder blades. "I don't understand why you stay." When I'm right here.

"We've been together for years." You reply shakily. Voice cracking devastatingly. Valeria gently lowers herself onto the bed. You held in her lap. Valeria has her arms around you like a cocoon. Keeping you safe while you metamorphize. A delicate little moth.

It frustrates Valeria to no end. If you were her girl, you'd never know this kind of pain. You'd never be conditioned into feeling anxious when she's late to coming home. Your glow would never be dampened with her.

"Stop doing this to yourself." She says. Pressing a kiss to your temple. "Stop going back to that little boy, he doesn't deserve you." Not like I do.

"I can't." You weep. She can feel your brows furrowing against her neck, the quiver of your lips. Your warm breath hitting her skin in puffs. "I can't do it, Val."

"You can." She insists firmly. "... Leave him. You are a star in the vast night sky, corazón. He's nothing but light pollution hiding your beauty." Valeria pulls you tighter against her, heart pounding with finality. "Please, just be with me instead." Valeria Garza doesn't beg but she'd take a knee for you.

You go still and Valeria suddenly fears that she said the wrong thing. Pushed too far. She pulls back and gently takes ahold of your face, wiping away the crystal tears running streams over your warm cheeks. Glossy eyes brimming with misery stare back at her.

"Let me love you." She says softly. "I'll treat you so much better than him." 

She can see her longing reflected in your tears. She watches your throat move as you swallow. Valeria leans closer, brushing her nose against yours. Your lips brush and when you don't pull away, she presses her lips to yours. Drinking in your taste with reverence. Your fingers grip her hair, pulling her impossibly closer. Your salty tears breaching the seams of your lips.

She kisses you like she'll never get the chance to again. Sand slipping through her fingers. You pull away and let out a shuddering breath.

"It hurts so much." You say, pained. Pressing your face into her shoulder. "Make it stop. Please, Valeria, make it stop. Make me feel better. Make me better."

Valeria grasps your chin to make you look at her. "You're not going back to him." She says resolutely. Valeria's hands drift down to your shoulders. "Stay with me."

"I'm scared."

"Stay with me."

"Okay." You close your eyes. "I'll stay."

You stay the night. Layers of clothing peeled from your bodies. Laying skin to skin under the covers with your hands locked together. You fell asleep hours ago but Valeria fights the tiredness dragging at her eyelids. She's savoring this moment with you. She watches your eyelids flutter as you dream. Is it her face or his that you're seeing? All you've known is hurt but Valeria will change that.

"Shit!" You curse. Face scrunched in despair.  "I burnt them!" The cookies you were making together are hard and stuck to the pan. Blackened with heat. Valeria snorts.

"I told you not to leave them in there for that long."

"I wanted to make sure the dough was fully cooked." You reply defensively. Taking off your oven mitts and setting them down on the marble counter. "Salmonella is no joke, Valeria."

"No, but those cookies might be."

You swat at her, and she catches your hand, bringing it to her lips and pressing a chaste kiss to it. It's been months since you last sobbed in her arms, pleading for her to make it better. You haven't cried since. Valeria's gone above and beyond for you. Giving all of herself to you.

There have been some downs, naturally. So used to being on the defense and being suspicious, you'd get set off if she forgot to tell you she'd be late coming home. Valeria held you with endless reassurances. Never forgetting to tell you again. You've become so sure of yourself now. Evidence of you all over her home. Projects, clothes, art, interests. You are heard, you are seen, and you take up space. The cocoon cracked open, and you crawled out with your velvety wings quivering. Breathing in your new beginning.  

[utopiastri]

hiiii!

soooo i read and reread all your f1 fics.

since they are all so effing amazing, well written, funny when needed, you must have a great taste in fics. sooo do you maybe, perhaps have any landoscar fic recommendations??

have a mega day!

-💫

hi 💫 anon!!! this was. the absolute loveliest ask to wake up to this morning so thank you SO much for sending it ����💕💕💕💕

you are so kind and please know all of these compliments have absolutely made my day!!!!!

and GOD i would LOVE to give some landoscar fic recommendations, there is nothing i love more than talking about authors i adore

i very much started rambling about these fics so i'm putting my recs below the cut!

ok immediately we're off to a rogue start because i'm going to recommend a fic that isn't posted yet but @1425fivefive's upcoming fic Learned Behavior is just honestly going to be one of the best things you will ever read - i have been honoured to receive SO many wonderful snippets from it and every single one is just as amazing as the others and i am SO excited to see the full thing

i am legally and contractually obligated to put three-sixteenths by @ipleadbritney on here because i am actually three-sixteenths' biggest fan and as part of that it is in fact my job to make sure everyone has read one of the most DELIGHTFUL magical realism fics of all time, one that fills me with such joy every time i think about it, let alone read it

by love remembered by @lellabellas is just. i LOVE fairytales so much and the way this is such a gorgeous homage to fairytales whilst also being one of the most wonderful fanfics you will ever read is honestly just. a sign of talent of truly the highest degree!!!!

brevity is the soul of wit by a_new_anon because i absolutely have to recommend one of the absolute CUTEST texting fics i have ever read. i grinned my entire way through reading it and i cannot recommend highly enough oh my GOD

the devil in me by @its-all-papaya because who am i as a person if i'm not constantly Obsessed with the idea of jealous oscar piastri. GOD this fic has everything - including one of my favourite final lines of any fic like. ever

AND on top of all of these, because i am a firm believer in showing love and affection to tumblr drabbles as well, please have a few of my favourites of those as well:

I'll Wait (I'm Sorry) by @wanderingblindly because liquid reblogged this again recently and this version of landoscar has NOT LEFT MY BRAIN SINCE!!! i reread it and had to sit down lest i faint. concept of all time i fear!!!!!!!

fireworks - prompt by @foggieststars because every so often i think about what landoscar will be like when they're no longer teammates and then i remember it doesn't matter because i can just think about one of the Sweetest drabbles i have ever read about lando and oscar dealing with oscar leaving and i am calm again

immortal - osctober prompt by @nyoomfruits because sad immortal vampire oscar has actually been haunting me for the last month and i am still SO SAD ABOUT IT (but like. in a good way obviously)

ok i will cut myself off there but !!!!! anon thank you so much for allowing me to ramble on about all this writing i love so much!!!! and thank you again for the kind words 💕💕💕

also if anyone would like to not be tagged, please let me know!!!

[bakedbakermom]

actually, yeah, it is the same. because it's all PRETEND. no one is getting hurt. it's all pictures in someone's head. it's all pictures in your head. thoughts can't hurt you. THOUGHTS CAN'T HURT YOU.

exploring darker themes through fiction is and always has been absolutely, completely, 100% a-okay. if i write about murder, does that mean i am a murderer or that i condone murder in real life? if i write about torture, does that mean i love it and want it to happen? of fucking course not. but i'm using the medium of fiction to talk about it because there is some aspect of it i am trying to understand or process or express.

writing about rape, incest, pedophilia, etc is - and i want you to really hear me here - no different. yeah, these are things that happen in real life and cause real actual harm. and yeah, if you have experienced these things, you should probably be extra cautious reading about them. (i have. i am.) this is why ao3 has tags and why your browser has a back button.

take charge of your fucking experience and stop blaming others for *checks notes* putting together words in an order you don't like.

you don't have to read anything you don't want to. no one is going to clockwork orange you about it. "don't like, don't read" used to be rule #1 of fanfic and i cannot for the life of me understand why that has fallen out of the popular lexicon.

on god i do not give a single shit about what two fictional characters do, regardless of their age, relationship, gender, whatever. why? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT REAL.

you know what is real? the victim of rape who finds catharsis reading about their blorbo surviving, and realizing they can survive too. the victim of incest, who perhaps didn't realize or couldn't name what was happening to them, who read something that helped them find a voice. the victim of paedophilia who found the strength to process their experience through a (safe, not-real) medium, reframing what happened to them on their terms.

and also, let's not forget the end of the original post. "two girls kissing" is every bit as depraved and horrid to some people as rape and incest, and if we allow censorship of one, it will - always, demonstrably, repeatedly throughout both world and internet history - lead to the banning of the rest.

it's all valid. it's all fiction. grow the fuck up.

saying ao3 needs to censor certain content is like saying a museum can't have still life art that includes strawberries because you don't like them.

these are not real strawberries. you do not have to, and in fact cannot, eat them. no one with a strawberry allergy will be harmed by looking at them. no migrant workers were exploited in the picking of these strawberries. there were no questionable farming practices or negative environmental impacts from growing or transporting them.

because - and i cannot stress this enough - they are not real strawberries.

if you don't like strawberries, you don't have to look at the paintings. in fact, you can get a map of the museum that lists what works are in what rooms and just. not go in there. if you see one by mistake, you can look away. just keep walking. there's plenty of other stuff to see.

yes, real strawberries can cause real quantifiable harm to real people.

but again. these are not real strawberries.

you may have whatever feelings you like about strawberries, and so can i. you can draw and write about whatever fruit floats your boat, and so can i, even if that happens to be strawberries. and we can hang our art side by side in the same gallery, provided you understand that my strawberries are not about you (and your kumquats are, shocker, not about me) and that - and this is true - neither are real.

and when the fascists break down the doors and grab all the strawberry paintings and heap them in the street and set them on fire, please know that they are coming for your kumquats next.

so if you want a place where you can show off your beautiful kumquat art safely, you're gonna have to tolerate having some strawberries in the next room.

and that's okay. because the strawberries aren't real.

[pinklayla123]

Putting this reply here because I want it and it saves me time to say the same thing.

So, you, an elriel, I presume, admit that what Elain and Azriel were about to do was indeed wrong? That Elain pursuing another guy while still having the bond with Lucien is not right? Elain who is not technically, but canonically, undeniably, irrefutably Lucien's mate. So you admit that what was about to happen in the first part of the chapter would have been wrong? That if Elain was so in love with Azriel and dying to be with him as Elriels believe she should at least say it to Lucien's face and reject him instead of staying ever in silence because no, a mating bond is not something that you can just ignore away? That there are not just political ramifications to consider but also how Lucien, who has been a literal darling all the time and described by several other characters as a good male, doesn't fucking deserve to be treated this way?

Hello, person behind ghost blog with randomly generated name, who sent a screenshot of a blog that evidently doesn't exist but is tagged in Elucien fanfictions.

First of all, thank you for sending this ask. This is the first time I've gotten a passive-aggressive fandom related ask like this, so this is low-key a tumblr milestone for me. So thank you for that.

I assume the screenshot included is someone's response to an ask they received in regards to this post since the wording is somewhat similar, but I can't actually find the blog you screenshot so idk what's up with that.

Now, onto the actual ask. The screenshot says "Did Azriel think anything about touching Elain feeling like touching the Mother herself? Lol, no." I believe this is referring to this sentence in my post "Touching Elain is the closest this man has come to meeting the Mother herself."

I did not mean to imply, in any way, shape, or form, that Azriel wants to get down and dirty with the Mother and is using Elain as a conduit for that kink. I simply meant to say that touching Elain was a very monumental experience for him. In the back of my head I was thinking about how he was literally questioning the Cauldron ("What if the cauldron was wrong?") which is a large part of the "religion" in Prythian, therefore anything that made him question it is undoubtedly a big deal for him. I see now that this wasn't very clear in the original post, so thank you for allowing me this opportunity to clarify my thought process.

Now, if I may, I will reply to the paragraph you went to the effort of actually typing out. Yes, I ship Elriel, you presume correctly. Do I think Elain and Azriel almost kissing is wrong? No, I'm afraid not.

This seems to be a follow-up to "The situation is wrong because Elain is technically mated to another guy who is literally sleeping upstairs." in my post. Is Elain wanting to kiss the man who has been nothing but kind and caring and gentlemanly since she's known him wrong? No I believe not.

Despite her canonically, undeniably, irrefutably being Lucien's mate, she actually does not owe him anything at all, least of all an explanation, because she did not make him any promises. She never went up to Lucien and said "I wanna explore this thing between us" and then go behind his back. If that were the case, yes it would be wrong. But alas, it is not.

I don't have it in me to go pull out the actual quote, but Rhys said in ACOWAR I believe that a female being a male's mate does not equal to her being accountable to him for every breath she takes. Elain is well within her right to not want to do anything at all with Lucien, as demonstrated by her being more than willing to kiss someone else in the same house.

Okay, if this isn't wrong, then why on earth did I say that it is? Easy. Because while Elain and Azriel are not doing anything wrong, their actions will be perceived as such by others and will have consequences far beyond the two of them.

On the topic of sweet darling Lucien, I wouldn't go as far to say he is one of my favorite characters, but I certainly don't hate him and would like to see him get a happy ending. However, he hasn't really done much for Elain to say he actually cares about her or wants a life-long relationship with her. His inner monologue consists of thinking Elain was "thrown" at him and he chooses to spend his days living with another woman on the other side of the world. Doesn't seem to me like either of them want jack and shit to do with each other.

p.s. Just because someone is a "good male" doesn't entitle them to anyone's time and affections, especially someone who has shown no interest in them and even seem to avoid them.

Anyways, sorry this got a little long. Have a nice day 😊😊

[sillylotrpolls]

Normally in these results posts I include some interesting/amusing analysis of the results, but as seen in yesterday's post I'm not really feeling it this week.

Instead, let's talk about something else interesting that happened with this post: it was my first experience with Tumblr's Blaze platform!

A whole bunch of information about that below the cut. ( @staff, if you're reading this, I have some ~burning~ questions for you. 😁)

I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but much to my surprise this poll was blazed on November 5th courtesy of @katco-cereal, who runs @silmarils-for-breakfast. They thought the poll was funny and had a free blaze thanks to Tumblr's new ad-free -> premium system, so why not?

What happens when your post is blazed

When someone else blazes a post of yours, you get a notification in your activity feed as well as an email. However, I first noticed because the poll had a little "fire" icon right above the notes.

So, if a post of yours gets blazed, you'll definitely know about it so long as you check tumblr and/or your email regularly.

Clicking the icon got me this notification:

As you can see, anyone can blaze a post as long as your blog settings permit it and it passes moderation. However, if you blaze someone else's post they might choose to "extinguish" the campaign before it starts or is over. If this happens, you don't get a refund or your free monthly blaze campaign returned. So, be sure the original poster isn't going to be upset at being blazed or else be comfortable being out the princely sum of $10 (or however much you spent).

Why you might want to check before blazing a post

I was touched that someone found my poll funny enough to reblog, but there is a reason I might still have extinguished the campaign early: you can't edit a blazed post while it's blazing.

Obviously you already can't edit polls (a fact I approve of, actually), but I do often go back and add context to posts or links or just fix a typo or whatever. Even adding a new tag would have required ending the campaign first.

This makes sense! The post has been through moderation, and it would be a huge loophole if you could submit something unobjectionable, like Gollum singing about how he likes it raw and wriggling, and then edit the post to feature hardcore Gandalf/Balrog porn after the campaign starts. But it's something you should be aware of before blazing.

The report and how to interpret it

Here's a copy of the report I was emailed after the campaign ended. It was sent pretty quickly; clearly Tumblr puts some effort into providing a good experience for users willing to actually give them money unlike the vast majority of us.

Something I have frequently lamented while running this blog is the lack of detailed stats. In particular, I would love a time-stamped breakdown of votes, so I can see exactly when a certain option took off or how getting reblogged by a certain popular blog affected things. With this report I still don't have that, but I did get some impressions stats.

As it happens, I have experience marketing and running ads on other social media platforms (mostly Twitter (RIP) and LinkedIn), so I had no trouble interpreting this. If you don't have that specific experience, however, let me break it down for you.

About impressions

According to the report, I got 3,677 impressions, 277 of which were "earned." An impression is when someone sees your post. Or, more accurately, an impression is when Tumblr puts a post on someone's dash. It's entirely possible for Tumblr to do that but for users not to actually see the post because they have some sort of ad-block in place. How exactly a platform determines if a post was seen is generally kept secret in hopes of preventing exploitation.

An "earned" impression in this context means someone saw the poll because it was blazed and decided to reblog it. Then, additional users saw their reblog. Those additional users seeing it are the "earned" impressions. Same for the other stats in this report.

Note that this report is only for impressions and other stats related to the blazed version of the post. If you saw this poll because you follow @sillylotrpolls or because someone who does reblogged it, that impression is not counted in this report.

Something else to notice is that the campaign promised that the post would be shown to "at least 2500 users." Why not make that exactly 2500 users? A few reasons come to mind. This is educated speculation as I do not work for Tumblr, but it's very likely a combination of:

Not being able to be 100% certain each user actually saw the post for above ad-blocker reasons (or if their dash just glitched for whatever reason, or the power went out as they were scrolling, or whatever).

The blaze system lags in counting how many impressions have already been served, so it's simpler to just show the post extra times rather than constantly checking to see if the count is at 2500 yet.

It's marketing technique meant to make users feel good about choosing Blaze because Tumblr is being generous with the impressions (which is fine to feel! there is nothing wrong with appreciating something nice!)

Votes = impressions?

Finally on the topic of impressions, one thing I really love about running polls is that they are a good proxy for measuring impressions without an ad campaign. When you scroll through your dash, you probably vote in most of the polls, right? Even the ones you don't like or reblog? (Actually, now that I'm saying it, I realize I'm not sure and would dearly love some stats on this.)

If you look at literally any poll on this blog, you'll see the number of votes is much higher than the number of notes. Since each user can only vote in a poll once, it makes a good estimate for how many people saw your post even if they didn't otherwise interact with it.

On the other hand, sometimes I have a poll that gets very few votes compared to other polls posted in that same time-frame. When that happens, it's probably not that I'm getting less impressions, since I can generally assume about the same number of followers are seeing each of those posts. Instead, it's much more likely that people just didn't want to vote on that particular poll.

A good example is this poll on dwarfism. I know it got at least 85 impressions, because it got that many votes, but generally other polls that didn't do well in that month got at least 200 votes or so. So votes can be a quick proxy for a proper impression count, but you have to be aware of complicating factors.

What about those other stats?

An engagement means someone interacted with the post. This includes clicks, follows, shares, replies, reblogs, and likes. It does not include votes.

A click means a user clicked on a link in your post. This is an important measurement in most "real" campaigns because you make the post trying to get people to click a link to the page selling your product or whatever. If there's no link (as was the case here), this stat will be zero no matter what.

A follow is pretty self-explanatory, but I will mention it can be difficult to capture all follows as a result of a campaign, especially if a user has turned off tracking cookies. If a user follows directly from the blazed post, of course that will be captured in the report. But what if a user sees the blazed post, then goes to check out the blog and see if they like it before deciding to follow? Depending on how the system is set up, that may or may not be reflected in the report.

The other stats I'm guessing you're familiar with if you use tumblr in any capacity at all. XD Once again, "earned" means the engagement happened on a post that was reblogged by a user who saw the post in blazed format. Interesting to me was the high ratio of reblogs to likes in the report. I'd have to see reports from additional campaigns to have any insight into whether that's common for blazed posts or specific to this one, however.

Something else I'm curious about is if any of these engagements are "hidden" in the notes until after the campaign ends. It's not going to be noticeable with reblogs or likes unless you're very meticulous, but I noticed right off that the number of replies the poll theoretically had (6) wasn't matching the number of replies I could see in the notes (4).

Usually if there's a mismatch like that I would assume it's because either I have a user blocked or visa versa, but that shouldn't be possible on my own blog, right? And if I go to check now, there are indeed the number of replies the notes say there should be, and they're timestamped Nov 5. So, I guess they were hidden? But I have no idea at all why that would be, as it would require extra code to make that happen, right? Very odd.

Is blazing a post a good idea?

Sure, if you like a post and want it to get more attention, why not? Just be sure the author (if not you) is cool with it and doesn't have plans to edit that post. However, it's also the case that a good post will probably spread around Tumblr anyway.

If I were making the call and had a set budget to work with, I'd blaze under some combination of the following circumstances:

The source blog doesn't have very many followers so the post isn't likely to be seen otherwise

The source blog has followers, but the post to be blazed would be popular with an audience beyond the typical demographics of those existing followers

Getting only a few clicks is enough to justify the cost of the campaign

Getting the post in front of users, regardless of any engagements, is enough to justify the cost of the campaign

In this case, Katco had a free blaze to burn (heh) and it was worth it to them to share the post with no potential personal return simply because they thought the post was funny and should be shared. And as a bonus, we got to learn about the Blaze process together, which was neat.

Generally, just keep your expectations realistic and remember it's only Tumblr, after all. $10 to have a little fun is perfectly justifiable if it brings you joy.

Okay, fine, a LITTLE bit of poll analysis

I said I didn't want to dig into the results, but I think we can all agree that "The monarchy is fine, but city-states like Rivendell aren't" getting 0.3% of the vote while "City-states are fine, but Galadriel should face re-election every 500 years" got 10.2% is pretty interesting, right? Can we get a Political Science major in here to dive into that result?

And how about the notion that monarchies are great so long as you like the guy in charge (17.2%)? And yeah, the Shire has democracy, but it's limited and both Merry and Pippin are part of aristocratic lines and inherit (not earn) positions of power...

Apparently even when I'm depressed, I just can't help but be interested in data. It is a sickness gift.

Finally, I'll leave you with these tags from @narcissusneverknewme:

#honestly this is a case of 'any system can fall to corruption'#our government sucks not bc it's a democracy but because its corrupt at every level of governance#lol#the bureaucracy and the fact they can just lie to citizens and do horrible harm. like red hill#or flint mi#this wouldn't happen under aragorn#not bc he's a king but bc he isn't corrupt

[chilumi-shipper]

A prompt came into mind.. up to you if you're interested.

So, character and reader got married but character cheated because he said he doesn't love the reader anymore. They're technically done, but haven't finished doing the divorce files (because it's expensive and takes a long long time). But.. character got into an accident.. which made him forget everything that happened recently, and only remember the days he loved the reader. Reader's conflicted, the mistress that character has doesn't know what to do either. Character was confused on why he would marry anyone else when he has the reader fo begin with.

I think this fits your styles.

Btw, I LOVE ALL YOUR STORIES! I RE-READ THEM EVERYDAY-

Someone Better

Childe x Fem!Reader

Summary: Childe was a wild spirit, so when he got bored of your relationship, he sought the excitement of another woman. You were heartbroken, ultimately asking for a divorce. But just as your connection was almost severed, he got into an accident, losing every memory of his infidelity and returning to the man that made you fall in love him.

Tags: Cheating, Amnesia, Pining, Angst/No Comfort

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

You were staring at the tremendous amount of divorce paperwork sitting on the desk of your hotel room.

It was very complicated, five years of marriage with joined insurance, property, bank accounts, and now you have to meticulously separate all your joined assets, all while constantly on the verge of a breakdown.

Not to mention you had no family to stay with in Snezhnaya. There's absolutely no one you could talk to about everything, you've left your homeland thinking your future in the cold nation with the love of your life would be nothing less that fantasy.

As you rest your head on the desk and closed your eyes tightly to ease the headache, your ears perk up as loud knocks hit your door.

With a groan, you got up and opened it to reveal your two of Childe's older siblings.

"He's looking for you." The older sister said, Alevtina, her seriousness evident, looking at you somewhat panicked.

"I know, big si-" I paused for a moment, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples. "I'm working on the assets, I'll send it as soon as possible."

"No." The chilly tone of the older brother, Alexei, sent shivers down your spine. "You need to come with us."

...

"Big sister Y/N is here?" You hear Teucer's innocent voice as you enter their home. The younger children laid their eyes on you, seemingly eager to come closer, but perhaps they've been told that now would not be the time.

"Honey... Thank you for coming..." Their mother embraced you warmly, still accepting you with motherly affection. "Oh dear, I'm so sorry..."

"Mama, has he calmed down?" Alexei asked from behind you.

Your mother-in-law parts from you slightly, looking at you tenderly. "She will definitely help."

You put your confusion and questions aside, seeing the somewhat tense air within the house.

"Stop staring." You weren't looking at him, but you felt his eyes watching you set down a tray of soup and medicine on his bedside table.

Childe lets out a chuckle. "Sorry, love, I can't help it..." His eyes never faltered, containing a look of admiration that you've been unfamiliar with for so long.

"After the avalanche, I got a pretty bad head injury. When I woke up, you were the first thing on my mind. And when Mama said you weren't here with me, I freaked out."

You sat down on a chair next to his bed, your eyes observing the bandages wrapped around his head. "What did the doctor say about your injury?"

"I'm gonna get some very bad headaches, and I also got a bit of amnesia, I think." Childe looks as if he's in thought. "Do I seem like I forgot something?"

"Maybe some things..."

"But I love you just the same! So I bet what I forgot wasn't even that important!"

...How cruel.

Having to take care of the man that broke you apart, even worse, a version of him that you loved too much to despise.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

It was painful, staying with him.

Childe would keep you close, call you his different pet names, cuddle up to you, all while you were under the pitiful gaze of his family that knew of his infidelity.

On the other hand, he's been feeling the cold responses his advances have been receiving. But to him, he thinks he can solve it by smothering you in more of his love.

He is pretty observant, he's put it two in two together that he may be missing a memory in which he had done something wrong. He just didn't know how much it had hurt.

Though, not only from you, Childe had also felt that his younger siblings seem distant as well, no longer asking him to play snow games outside, or looking up to him as some sort of hero.

One early morning, when he walks up to the kitchen to see you cooking for the whole family, a smile formed on his face.

He steps closer, wrapping his muscular arms around your waist. "Hmmm... Morning, honey..." He basks in the feeling of you.

You remain quiet, letting him do as he pleases. The ginger frowns, however, feeling unsatisfied by your lack of reaction.

"Babyyyy... Loveee meee backkkk..." He whines, nuzzling his face on your neck.

"Ajax, come on..." You stifled a laugh, moving slightly away as his action tickled you. He hears the slight giggle of your words, smiling against your skin.

You compose yourself, pushing him away from you. "Stop." He lets you push him away, and you feel him freeze slightly at the harshness of your tone.

His blue eyes looked at you worried. "...Hey," He starts. "I'm sorry, darling, did you not like that?"

With a sigh, you looked down. "When the others wake up, tell them I already made breakfast. I have somewhere to be."

You walk pass him, but you did not miss the hurt tone of the faint call of your name.

...

You come back to his family's home after doing some more paperwork for the divorce that your husband doesn't even remember, feeling your head pounding as you ready yourself to face him again.

What you don't expect to see this late at night is Childe sitting on the porch with a lantern next to him, his head hung low as if he's thinking deeply.

"Childe?"

He looks up, but he frowns at you. "Ajax, darling..." He reminds you.

Standing up, he pulls you into his warm embrace. "I love you... I missed you..."

His words take you aback, as you reluctantly wrap your arms around him.

"I've been thinking about this morning, about you. You hate me."

"I know I must've done something... you can tell me." He kneels in front of you, staring at your eyes while his sparkle with the light of the lantern. "And even if I don't remember, I'll make it right..."

As you look down at him, you see the fiery passion of love that burned in his eyes as he knelt down to ask you to marry him so long ago.

It scares you...

You might not be able to control yourself...

"It's just hard to take care of you sometimes." You smile ever so slightly, yet his frown only deepens as tears start to escape your eyes.

He stands, his hand finds its way to your cheek. "Love..." His eyes held such conviction that you've not seen for years. "I'm so sorry..."

You close your eyes to hold in the tears, shaking your head and swaying his hand away. "...You're not."

Despite the tears, you tug at his arm. "Come on, let's head inside."

He's filled with questions, but seeing your sad face makes him set all those aside and focus on you for now.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"Teucer, hey, little man." Childe calls for his little brother.

The little boy looks at him wide eyed. "I don't want to talk to you." He crossed his little arms, turning around to leave with a displeased look.

"What...? Oh come on..." The harbinger pouted, getting down on his little brother's level. "What did I do wrong...? All our siblings are acting so mean to me..." He whined, frowning as he tries to persuade the little ginger.

"But you were also very very mean!" Teucer refused to look at his older brother, the one he used to look up to the most. "We don't like you anymore!"

Childe's playful facade faded as his expression contorted to a confused one. "Hey, what do you mean...?"

"You're so mean to Y/N, you hurt her! She doesn't deserve tha-"

"Teucer!" Just as his brother erupted to a crying mess, screaming at him with all his little heart, their mother walked into the room, grabbing the little boy.

"Don't talk like that to your elders!"

"But it's true, Mama!"

"That doesn't matter, say sorry to-"

"What does he mean, Mama? Why did I do?" Childe looked at his mother expectantly, his voice starting to shake as he saw the fit of rage Teucer had because of him. "W-What did I do to Y/N?"

HIs mother shook her head, trying to ease her expression with a smile. "Nothing..."

"It's not nothing, Mama!" He raises his voice by accident due to his frustration. "I see it, the way she looks at me, it's different. The way you all look at me, like you have a monster inside your house."

Teucer forced his way out of his mother's hold, running to his older siblings room all teary eyed. Childe felt bad, but he desperately needed answers from his mother.

"Mama, please, I need to know why Y/N doesn't... love me anymore..." It hurts him to say, but based on the way you're acting, he could only make the assumption that your feelings have wavered.

"Oh, Ajax... it's not like that..."

The ginger then felt a sharp pain in his head, making him fall down onto the couch. He groaned as he clutched his head.

"Hey... where are you heading off to so late at night?" He hears your soft voice in a static audio playing in his head.

"Out." He then hears himself replying coldly.

"Ohh, when will you-"

He's out the door before you could even finish your question.

"Ajax, honey!' His mother's voice was a hazy blur as he keeps his eyes closed to envision what he's hearing in his head.

He tries to shake the feeling away, but his mind is flooded by fragmented memories.

"You've been going out a lot more recently." Your concerned voice entered his ears.

"I've been busy."

"Busy where?"

He then hears shatters of glass and yells as you sob while trying to talk to him.

He pictures your face, your crying, begging face, asking for some sort of salvation from his cold and merciless actions.

"T-There's someone else?"

"Someone better."

"H-How could y-you do this?"

"When I look at you now... I feel... nothing."

Childe opened his eyes, not realizing that tears had started to flow to his cheeks. "Mama..."

"Y-Yes, dear?"

"I hurt her..." He was in a state of disbelief. "I-I... Why...?"

His tears fell faster, looking at his mother for answers. "W-Why, Mama? Why was I so stupid? Why did I choose to lose her?"

"I don't know, dear, but that's simply what happened, and you could never make her forget that, even if you forgot."

His breathing started to accelerate, feeling like he wanted to punch himself. As his head started spinning, his vision turns black.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

You took a deep breath as you walked into the house, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you entered.

"Honey..." Your ex mother-in-law embraces you once again, holding you tight. "I'm so sorry... I didn't want to make it difficult for you..."

"N-No, no..." You returned her hug, sniffling as you start to tear up. "I readied myself for this, I'm just here to drop off the final papers..."

"Could you talk to him?" Alevtina suddenly asked, looking at you hesitantly. "I know he's been a jerk... but he won't eat unless he talks to you."

You parted from their mother, feeling the pressure of their request.

"It's okay to curse him, or to scream, or rough him up, I'll even help you." Alexei placed his hand on your shoulder to comfort you.

You nodded, sighing as they guided you to his room. And as you entered with a heavy feeling in your chest, he immediately sat up, alerted by your presence. You stare at each other for a bit before you muttered a word.

"Hi." You greeted him shortly.

"Hey..." His voice was soft, and his eyes followed you attentively.

"I'm sorry to intrude, I'll make this quick." You breathe deeply, trying to relax yourself. "I finished the papers, split the assets, got the lawyers."

"I talked to her, y-your woman..." You looked down, fidgeting with your hands. Childe seemed unfazed by it, though his gaze seem to falter at the mention of 'his woman'.

"She... umm... wasn't really interested anymore after the accident..." You breathe heavily, feeling small under his gaze. "But... your family's here to take care of you..."

Clearing your throat, you continued. "I do have one request, if I could... I would like a safe boat ride back home." You stepped closer, intending to hand him the envelope that contained all the paperwork to finalize your divorce.

"Take it all." You stopped in your tracks as he spoke.

"The house, the mora, the boat. It's all yours..." He lays back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Would you also do me a favor?"

You looked at him, encouraging him to speak.

"Carve my heart out and take it with you."

"...Can we be serious for a second?" You sighed.

"I would like to stay with you. I think that would be a good way to do it without constantly wanting to punch myself." You noticed that his eyes started to flood with tears.

"Ajax... I'm sorry this happened to you..."

"No, Y/N, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything." He sat up again, tears falling from his eyes as he looks up at you with genuine eyes. "I don't know why I did that. And I... I regret it so much..." He reached for your hand, and you let him hold onto you for strength.

"Every tear I had in me I already cried when you left me for her." You smiled bitterly, though you remained soft, making him even more guilty as you try to stay strong. "But I appreciate the apology..."

You pull your hand away from him slowly, feeling that he was reluctant to let go.

"I-I still love you..."

You gave him a final smile. "You'll love someone better than me... Childe..." You back away, leaving him alone in his room still yearning for the days where his memory only consisted of loving you.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Hiiii again after quite a while! I think I've been noticing that my recent fics have been angst, I guess I just feel like hurting you guys this season of giving (I give pain :D)

Anywayy, anon, I think at some point I went my own direction and didn't fully stick to your request (I'm sorryyy TvT) but I hope you like it anyway!