#i put the readmore back immediately but

[incomingalbatross]

I do ONE TAG EDIT and somehow that removes my readmore. Hmph.

[ktsphere]

I was at the studio record for tonight's taskmaster episode, so full debrief below the readmore! (Spoilers for TM S18E5)

[Some things may be paraphrased as I wrote it all down immediately after the episode record.]

ARRIVAL AND SEATING

We got to the studio at about 10:15am, there were approx 10 people there already

The staff didn't turn up till 10:30 so we made our own queue

Staff moved our queue and told everyone with cars in the visitor carpark to move them, they join the queue in their cars while people on foot queued in the rain

Lots of waiting around, then the queue was moved, then a quick security check, then wristbands and more waiting around. There were not enough toilets. There were snacks and drinks available to buy but no "real" food.

We started moving again at 12:45.

The first 22 people got orange wrist bands and we were put in the gallery! (11 on each side)

The gallery itself is only as deep as the chairs, it's very much only decorated on the sides that the camera can see.

The decoration behind us was plasticy and painted gold, kind of like paper plate material.

The wall was painted with the same pattern as the sides, but super small, gold on red, but looked less neat than the big stuff which is more visible on camera.

Underneath us was bare wood and we were in a metal frame.

My friend went to the loo and said Greg and Alex's seats arrived on the back of a trailer and stopped at the zebra crossing for her.

The studio was much smaller than I expected, 5 or so rows of seats in the front section, literally within arms reach of the seat 1 contestant. This looked like it was all people with a red wristband, who were 2nd after orange.

The back section was bigger, I'd say maybe 8 rows deep? And wider.

There was some reshuffling of seats near the end, some people who were right at the back were put in the front row at the last minute (probably some priority people didn't turn up?)

I don't think anyone's view was obstructed by cameras, but the left gallery couldn't see the contestants' faces, while the right gallery (including me) couldn't see Greg & Alex's faces.

(I did see Alex's shoulders sort of hunch every time he got the giggles though which was incredibly cute)

INTRO

Mark the warm up man got people shouting out & making noise (he comes back at every ad break, and every set change break)(some of the breaks he asked if we had any questions about the filming of TM and answered them to the best of his ability)(one time we played audience tinder, which is like audience guess who but based on 1 single person's romantic requirements (man, single, over 23, under 30. This got everyone out, and mark announced that was why she was still single.)

Mark brought Greg on

Someone shouted happy birthday

Greg: it's not today, it was on the 14th. I'm 55. Today it's ............................... It was.................

Someone in the Audience: it was on Tuesday!

[Note today is thursday]

Greg: At a certain age you stop counting birthdays. I woke up and realised I was closer to 60 than 50, And genuinely the first thing I said when I woke up, alone in my bedroom, was "blink"

Greg brought Alex on

Alex: I have some bad news

Greg: oh no

Alex: you're actually 56

Greg: oh what did I say?

Alex: 55

Greg: oh I was in a good mood and you've put me in a bad mood now

Greg asked the audience for help with Alex's improv

Alex was told to come up with a Pop song about corn

This was misheard by Greg as porn

They decided on corny porn

Greg gives Alex a beat

Alex [singing]: Sometimes a man gets lonely

*Greg and audience piss themselves, Alex breaks*

Greg: I thought I'd give you some time there to come up with a rhyme for lonely

Alex: oh I'm going for an ABCB rhyming scheme

[Slightly paraphrased in places because I'm not perfect]

[Greg beat starts up again]

Alex, Singing:

Sometimes a man gets lonely

And that man is Alex Horne

all his friends are out for the evening

So he opens his corny porn

[verse 2]

*Something about Cracker jokes*

*something about a boy and a girl*

*[I forgot this line]*

And then they have full sex.

(((If anyone was there and remembers these lines I will happily make edits)))

Greg: I thought you were going to shy away from the sex

Alex: oh, no, didn't shy away

Greg: they have legitimate sex

Alex: well they do love each other, so it's legitimate sex

Alex: But it wasn't being filmed

Alex: It was actually behind a closed door

Greg: so it wasn't porn at all

Contestants are introduced to the audience by greg before they all sit down

Andy zaltzman is wearing a snooker outfit, with cue and chalk. He is told (by Greg, who was told by the greenroom) to put the cue over his left shoulder so the cameras can see him. He says the producer told him to wear it over his right just before the show. Greg relays this to the greenroom, and then says [to greenroom] "bit harsh", and [to Andy] "he called you a lying cunt"

Babatunde aleshe

Emma sidi

Jack Dee

Rosie jones

The Makeup team come on, there's some admin stuff (fire safety etc)

Then it starts properly, they play the introduction on the big screen

Greg: A man who told me fire fighters are the ¿Least ?? ? Of all the emergency services.

Alex: I was most scared if this one because if my house burns down...

Greg: Well you should stop telling me these things

BANTER SECTION

Alex: The group chat is popping off

The taskmaster WhatsApp, we've had some questions

Alex: Question from Brian. Actually, a lot of people asked this. Are Greg and Alex twins?

Alex: Someone else asked if I was ok

Greg: yes I always wonder that

Alex: I had an ECG and felt better

Alex: an EGG

Alex: I had an egg.

Greg: *Groans*

Greg: You do it on purpose. I was in a good mood. You've put me in a foul mood. Is that really all you've prepared? Someone thinks we're twins, and you've had an egg.

PRIZE TASK

Thing that's best when you add water

Baba, trying to defend jelly to greg: "You know when your mums just like-"

Greg: "sorry I'm going to stop you there, it sounded like you called my mum a slag

*General confusion*

[They Continue]

Baba: you know when your mums a slag

*Everyone in the audience heard it this time*

Baba confused, everyone else pissing themselves

*Repeat multiple times, everyone getting more and more hysterical*

Baba: you know when Your Mum *Says*...

Greg, holding his ear piece: How likely is it the slag comments are going to be left in? The gallery says 100%.

TASK 1: Alex is a robot, direct to charging port, gibe an instruction every 10 seconds, robot wont follow instructions with o or e

Emma makes sexual moans when she sees the robot

Greg replays VT multiple times, she calls it "Platonic arousal"

Long discussion about mascots and those tall wobbly dancing tubes, and Mr blobby

Emma loves them all but they have to move

Greg brings up a butcher mascot which was a pig cutting parts of itself off, but it doesn't move so Emma isn't interested. If it moved she'd like it

Andy: Coming from a Jewish background, would the pig cutting parts of itself off be kosher?

Emma: no! [Pause for laughter/apology/embarrassment] sorry, no because pork isn't kosher. It's the trotters.

Someone: if the pig cuts its own trotters off then maybe it could be kosher

Greg: snip snip snip, out it goes

[There's a submarine in the garden?!!]

Emma, during task: walk lady

Emma, in studio: I changed it to walk by lady, I realised I could say by

Greg: Bisexual lady?

Emma: I'm not assuming the sexuality of the robot

Lots of "I mean him, not me" from Alex when talking about the robot

Rosie points out she got a lap dance from the robot

Emma: "Oh robot - we've found it!" (Or similar)

Greg takes the piss multiple times throughout the ep

TASK 2: make the strongest smell and put it in this jar. *Jar is sealed for 3-4 months until the studio record*

Rosie's sounds very very ominous, everyone is scared

On the back of the task it says anyone who is unwilling to smell their own jar gets 0 points

They talk about how that's definitely backfired on Rosie

Rosie: I'm actually quite excited, I want to smell it

Greg makes Alex read something out

Alex: oh, strange, this one is handwritten. Alex also has to smell the jars or Greg will kick him in the gooch

Emma pretends hers smells super strong, Greg describes it as mild

Baba: marmite and coffee, makes his eyes bulge

Rosie's is hugely disappointing. She repeats how disappointed she is. Greg doesn't believe her until he smells it and says he is also disappointed.

Andy's makes all the contestants gag (sardines, vinegar, huge mix of random crap, detergent, soap,)

Alex: I was surprised you went with things that remove stubborn smells

*The smells waft up to the balcony and to some of the front row. *

Jack's makes Greg lightheaded and have to pause for a bit (air freshener)

Later, in one of the breaks:

Audience member: why didn't Alex smell the smells?

Audience ooh and mutter

Mark: very good question

[Alex did not then smell the smells :( ]

TASK 3: Present a heartwarming local news story

[Team task!]

Rosie and Jack

Andy, Emma and Baba

The intro to this gets played again because they did some smelly pickups while the table was still out, and then packed it up again, and by that time everyone had forgotten what the task was.

Greg says Andy looks younger as Isabella the old lady than as himself

*Greg talks shit about both their attempts*

Greg says he thinks they both did really well

Alex: *do* you think that? It didn't sound like that

Greg says Emma could genuinely be a newsreader (Emma: middle class), then there was a whole section where Rosie and Greg talk about how alluring/hot Fiona Bruce is

STUDIO TASK: catapult parachute target

During set up we could see Alex on the side of the stage waiting for everything to be ready, we waved at him from the balcony and he waved back with confused but happy smile

The edge of the target was literally 50cm away from the front row. Front section were warned to 'watch out'

Mark: I wasn't sure I was allowed to mention it being a catapult

*Shadow of a catapult clearly visible through the screen*

Baba tried to shoot one really flat and it flew straight into the audience (3rd row!)

He immediately sat on the losers bench before the others had even gone

Emma's doesn't unfurl and goes 2nd row of the audience

Rosie Vs jack at the end: Rosie playing up the cerebral palsy deliberately to put jack off, stuff like "you wouldn't beat a disabled girl", and "I have cerebral palsy", "I didn't breathe for 17 minutes"

Jack really struggled to get his last shot because he was bent over laughing

It looked like a draw, Greg had to adjudicate

When he called a win for jack, Rosie pretended she was really struggling to walk over to the losers bench

After they'd all been:

Alex: I'm really glad they all flew. In the rehearsals we had loads of crap goes

Greg: How do you feel jack?

Jack: Guilty

Greg: And how do you feel Rosie?

Rosie: *Big fake sad face (which kept breaking)* "...*tiny broken voice* sad :( " *Followed by instant giggles*

TIE BREAK: how many days old will Alex be on Christmas day 2024? Have to be looking into his eyes the whole time

Emma Vs jack, Emma got very close, jack just gave up. Rosie actually got the closest (within 70? Days)

END:

And we've learned that my mum's a slag

We were told it was the first time ever all 5 contestants have won the first 5 episodes

*Contestants leave*

Man with crutches in audience [to rosie]: before this I thought you were so sweet (ominous pause) but now I think you're *wonderful* [Rosie hugged him!]

Greg: we all thought you were going to say something horrible. I was getting ready to put Alex between us

PICKUPS

Greg and Alex do lots of repeats for previous fuck ups and make lots more fuck ups.

*Talking to empty chairs*

Greg keeps apologising for how long it's all taking

Greg: we all want to go home

Greg: We're going to do a physical bit and you're going to absolutely love it. You'll know it when you see it.

*At the end of one of the pickups they both turn in their chairs and look at the blank screen. Audience love it*

Greg gets told by the gallery to repeat ¿papas meat?

Greg:shall I do it sexier? How much sex do you want? 8/10 sex?

Alex: you sound like Rachel

*They do a massive exaggerated turn to the screen*

Greg: I overcooked that one

They repeat the shakespeare bit 2 or 3 times. Greg says every time he's asked to do it again he'll ham it up more.

Alex: I'm really hungry, are you really hungry?

They did some extra "taskmaster the live experience" advertisment filming

Greg notices a really big man in the audience and asks him how tall he is (6'5") and then gets very distracted by his "brethren" and repeatedly flubs his lines

Greg: What are you doing?

Greg: Look at me you grubby little ferret

[This was repeated about 5 times because Greg kept fucking up, and then when he got through it Alex immediately fucked up the next line]

Greg said we were the best audience so far (he also said he wasnt lying or exaggerating. If anyone else has been to one, does he say this to evey audience?)

Got let out at 5pm

[Extra things that I can't remember when they happened]

Alex: When we watch telly together

Greg: ... Because we are actually lovers *puts hand on alex*

Greg: Or so some corners of the internet would have you believe

During breaks, makeup people come in and remove the lint from Greg and Alex's jackets, Alex gets a sticky roller, Greg gets a little brush

They dab Greg's head as well

Greg: I like making people on the internet angry

Overall a delightful day out, 10/10 experience, would recommend!

[lucabyte]

obligatory ramble about postcanon loop ask

also your art is amazing

Hiiiiiiiii :D thank you :)!!

and thank you for the excuse to post the. just absolute wall of text that i truncated down to form the tags of that post. (i did,,, hit the tag limit. i forgot tumblr had one of those...) so let me just paste that and tidy it up a bit...

I am putting this under a readmore because it's a bit long. but:

This is like. The General Context for all* of my postcanon doodles? (Except AUs obviously) Like this is the base idea I've been drawing them all in. So, feel free to backread with this in mind. I've basically had this 'postcanon' timeline set in my brain since finishing the game...

My general thoughts are that I like the idea of Loop (even if through dubiously ethical means) being able to slowly reintegrate with the party as a whole new person, because they are, in fact, their own person.

It's a muddle of thematic threads im pulling on and "wouldn't it be fucked up if", but. (at its core, it's powered by the fact that like, while narratively isat's theme of 'the only person who can truly take the first step to help you is yourself'. (wrt: loop helping the party help siffrin in act 5) which i LOVE AND IS GREAT NARRATIVELY…. would be super fucked up irl to learn that your friend 'learned as a lesson' while you stood by kinda uselessly. I know i'd be upset about it. but thats mostly background here. doesn't really come up. at least not until loop has to explain who they are and the party realises they had to fall back on literally themselves again for help, but i digress,)

The real core concept is: Occam's razor. It is like, inherently, a buckwild thing to accuse a person of being somehow a clone or copy of your friend. Even if they start vaguely alluding to a backstory it's far more likely they were some other person before all that. (I still think Odile has that theory in the back pocket but she's rational enough to know it's a really long shot without a solid explanation. and i think Loop deep down knows this, and would, if cornered into confessing, turn the situation around to go J'ACCUSE and make HER explain it instead. Ever longer dodging being direct with their emotions...)

And the party are nice! And if someone has changed and wants to keep stuff secret it's kind of not their business? (Though it's hard not to speculate… see: the main joke of the doodles) And they seem important to Siffrin so they just try to accept them abrasive quirks and all. And eventually the question of their prior identity just fades away since, well, they're Loop. Their friend Loop.

but yeah. personal headcanon is that a few months/weeks after picking up and getting aquainted with Nille** (since that was presumably the IMMEDIATE TASK postgame), Loop reappears (either after a literal period of nonexistance, or just spending a few months wandering the french countryside alone being attacked by wild dogs). Since Siffrin has had a while to be therapised by the party they're doing mostly okay, but Loop showing up and still being agitated/aggressive pulls them both into a bit of a backslide behaviourally and puts the party on the back foot again.

Hooowever, I do think that due to no longer being literally stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time together, the two do mostly actually sort themselves out with productive conversation. (Via a cycle of: genuinely distressing argument -> weeeird lovebombing -> ok we're good -> repeat, that gets less intense over time)

Thus, allowing the party to just. Integrate loop as a new person. They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches (Loop taking over stuff Siffrin is now too squeamish for, etc (see: hunting, mostly)), and while it's not exactly what Loop wanted they generally get that beggars can't be choosers and it's a pretty good deal. And the rest of the party does straight up just like them as a friend, especially when Loop quits trying to actively antagonise them after a few weeks of being around them, since they just can't keep up being mean to people they like forever.

As for how I think the truth eventually drags itself out. This is where I invoke The Isabeau Torment Nexus™. So its gonna get shippy here for a bit hold on.

Which is, I think giving them time before Loop reappears long enough that Siffrin and Iseabeau actually manage to become established, Isabeau has to be the one to nudge the pair of them and go. "Hey. You know we're in Vaugarde right. I'm okay with polyamory if we all communicate." Before Loop and Siffrin actually even acknowledge that whatever the fuck they have going on kinda looks a lot like a relationship of some kind. (or have already been agonising about that via fighting and arguing, depending) (Obviously this comes after Isa "Emotionally intelligent enough to keep a lid on the jealousy" Beau has managed to use that big brain of his to Not just go Scream somewhere on the daily because oh godddd they keep talking like theyre suicide-baiting each other jesus chriiist. is it overstepping his boundaries to bring that up?? god)

This, taking a bunch of the tension out of Loop and Isabeau's relationship (Since I imagine Loop is a. being weird for the obvious reasons and b. feeling kinda guilty about 'getting in the way of' Siffrin and Iseabeau), allows them to actually get close in a normal friend way. (I think an interesting turning point could be Isabeau actually taking Loop's side in an argument vs Siffrin, which would absolutely break Loop's brain. Especially if it's an argument that matters. Like what do you mean he isn't just going to play favourites. What?)

Then Isabeau, just actually open minded and charmed by Loop (and maybe even somewhat at Siffrin's suggestion?) tries to close the final open side on the polyamory triangle here and that's the final straw for Loop on "This lie by omission is too unethical to keep up, this is just actually sick and wrong. I can't do this while he doesn't know who I am." Though. Obviously it probably goes. Very poorly with emotions high like that. And the added element of several months of deceit. Getting dark here for a second but that dagger is going MISSING and so are THEY for a hot minute.

Then yaaay everything works out in the end 👍 yippieee!! all it took was maybe a lot of harrowed recontextualisation of all the weird shit your new friend said and did when it turns out they're your old friend. It's fine.

But yeah. this is basically the context all of my postcanon doodles have existed within? And those exist to give other people something to chew on. So this does too.

I suppose TL;DR: Imagine if sloopis almost fucking happens before isabeau knows who loop is. can you fucking imagine. can you imagine having to navigate that. nightmare.

*Yes this includes the implied cannibalism comic. Uhh. Comes part and parcel with headcanoning that Loop went way off the deep end similar to A5 Sif But Maybe Worse before giving in. Add weepy half-asleep confessions to murder wherever you see fit in your mind palace. 👍👍👍

**Re: Nille footnote. I don't have anywhere to put this besides here! I have some thoughts on Loop and Nille having an odd dynamic. I don't imagine Nille to be super gung-ho on trusting a bunch of adults (even if they are majority around her age) given their implied backstory. It's probably a big shock to the system, especially since Bambouche is a good couple hundred Kilometers up north from Dormont and these guys don't seem to have trains. She would've been unfrozen and without Bonnie for some time....

Which is to say: I think she's suspicious of them. I think she may be looking for excuses to distance herself, keep Bonnie safe. SO.... A new guy showing up? And antagonising the party? What do they know that I don't...? I should find out.

And since... Loop didn't ever know Nille, they have no ammunition or real reason to be cruel. Plus, if they're trying to stay on Bonnie's good side (SINCE... if Bonnie thought Loop was cringe they may as well kill themselves. In their mind.) they SUPER have no reason to antagonise Nille.

Mostly, they might be able to open up to each other easier than they can the rest of the party?

I feel like this resolves with Loop feeling compelled to apologise for what they and Siffrin let happen to Bonnie, though... Hmm... Depends on how you interpret Nille that they'd be glad nobody else had been told about that yet, or furious it had been secret this long. I lean toward the former.

[muirmarie]

spock with memory loss but not emotional memory loss. he can't remember anything since he left vulcan, but he looks at jim's and leonard's faces and he's like. hmm. i appear to be in love with both of these men. fascinating.

except. y'know. they are absolutely NOT together.

[hi hey have some absolute crack underneath the readmore]

mccoy being a ridiculous mother hen in sickbay and kirk running down from the bridge every hour on the hour all "UPDATE, BONES????" is not. is not helping spock's assumptions.

mccoy GRUDGINGLY allowing spock out of sickbay because lord knows there's some big thing happening and they need the beds, and spock doesn't need immediate medical attention, he just needs, y'know, a cure for the weird memory loss disease he's picked up. you heard me, this isn't amnesia, this is a weird space memory loss disease that mccoy is going to CURE, thank you very much.

he only allows spock out of sickbay if kirk keeps an eye on him. spock's like =/ when will you be joining us, doctor? and mccoy, not nearly as suspicious as he should be because he's so delighted that there's for ONCE a version of spock who actually appears to not be running away from medical, is like !!!!! once i'm sure everyone in sickbay is stable i'll come down to check on you!!!! i'll check on jim too!!! i'll run my scanner over everyone who will allow me to make sure they're okay!!!!! (jim: >=| i did not consent to this. bones: shut up idc i'm already scanning you.)

kirk takes spock back to kirk's quarters figuring they'll bunk together so he can keep an eye on him/make sure the space forgetfulness disease doesn't make him forget anything else.

spock's like. hmm. is this where we live? why don't we keep it warmer for me =/

kirk, oblivious doll that he is, is like yeah, all the quarters are like this, this is indeed where we live! isn't the enterprise the most beautiful ship there is!! also i am so sorry let's crank this place up to a sauna asap

meanwhile spock is sleepy what with the space forgetty sickness but he's like. determined to wait until their bf joins them so they can sleep in a cuddle pile. it seems polite. he's pretty sure he'd be a polite bf. amanda would definitely want him to be a polite bf. plus he feels certain that he needs to make sure the doctor gets some sleep after working non-stop in sickbay. like. that feels like that should somehow be his and jim's responsibility. that feels right.

bones shows up two hours later with his tricorder and even darker circles under his eyes than normal, and is like all right, time to check on my favorite patient <3 (he's still not used to spock not snarking back at him, and is more than a little =/ when spock just sparkles a bit instead of slamming him with an insult, tbh)

spock and jim get a clean bill of health (beyond, y'know, the space-nesia), and mccoy's like, all rightie, i'll be back in the morning to check on you!!! tell me immediately if anything changes!! i should go back to sickbay and check on things

spock: =( what.

mccoy: i need to keep an eye on everything in sickbay

kirk: no he's right you need to get some rest, bones. the on-duty staff will keep an eye on everything, but you've been going non-stop between spock and this new thing

mccoy: i'll grab a nap in my office don't worry

spock: =(((((((

mccoy: ...spock why are you holding onto my wrist. spock why are you - spock why are you dragging me over to the bed. spock - jim why are you laughing

kirk: i mean it is an effective solution

spock: i have the space forgetties and i can't even sleep with my boyfriends????? illogical.

mccoy: ......

kirk: hmm.

mccoy: ????? hmm???? HMMM???? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT????

kirk: i mean, it does sound illogical when he puts it like that

mccoy: ????? i don't know what the two of you have going on on the downlow, but i'm not dating spock. spock, i'm not dating you.

spock: no, no i definitely love you both, so it would be extremely illogical for us not to be dating, and i am, above all else, logical, so ipso facto we must be dating. it's far more likely you just don't want to say we're dating because you'd feel like it would be a shock to my blank slate brain. occam's razor.

mccoy: we're - we're definitely not dating

spock: hmmm jim i am worried that leonard may also have the space forgetty disease.

kirk: bones, just sleep here tonight, it's not a big deal

mccoy, slightly strangled, because he is extremely in love with these two men and this is a bizarre situation even for them: JIM, I -

spock, aggressively laying in the center of the bed and then trapping mccoy next to him by sheer strength and mccoy's surprise, and unfortunately, having pegged mccoy within 5 minutes of meeting him again, saying: what if the space forgetty disease makes me worse during the night and my doctor bf isn't even here to help me =/

kirk: [unhelpfully giggling]

mccoy: gdi why would you say that now you know i can't leave - this isn't you winning this is me GRACEFULLY changing my mind and we are NOT dating and if you use this forced snuggling against me when i ONCE MORE SAVE THE DAY and figure out a CURE to FIX your STUPID VULCAN MIND then i will -

kirk: [leaning over and kissing bones' forehead to shut him up and then walking around the other side of the bed and getting in next to spock] you forgot the key word, there, bones

mccoy, visibly restraining himself from frothing with rage: what.

kirk: yet, bones. we're not dating yet.

[taleeater]

It’s the Little Things

Hope you enjoy my gushy short little fic :]

(I posted this once before but I was too embarrassed so I took it down. Putting it back now 😂)

Generation: Bayverse TMNT

TMNT Raphael x Reader Fanfic

Pronouns: Gender Neutral

Warnings: RIDICULOUSLY mushy, self-serving fluff, kissed while asleep

The rain quietly pattered against the dark window panes as the light from the TV flashed in the glass’s reflection. It was the end of a very long patrol, and Raph had made it back to your apartment quite late. As usual.

But as usual, you were up waiting for him with a hot dinner lovingly prepared.

Your daily lives were vastly different from each other. You ran a quiet bookstore in a reclusive area downtown, while Raph was one of the city’s fierce vigilante heroes alongside his brothers. You were definitely an odd couple. But you had your moments.

Moments like these- Raph thought gratefully as he swallowed another bite of your steaming homemade stew, piled onto a thick slice of buttered sourdough bread. He closed his eyes as he savored the rich flavor, saturated in red wine and melty slow-cooked beef, and had to stifle himself from moaning around the food in his mouth. Somehow you always managed to make the most delicious food, the kind that could warm and comfort tired and aching bones after a long day.

Speaking of you.

:readmore:

Raphael glanced across the small wooden dinner table in their comfy little apartment, and found you sitting with your chin propped up on your crossed hands, with a glowing joyful expression on your face as you happily watched him enjoying the meal you’d made.

- and Raph immediately turned his head away, already beginning to feel his cheeks burning under his mask.

“…..It’s good.” He said gruffly, not daring to chance another glance across the table as he practically felt your joy intensify from his praise.

“ I’m glad~” It was a humble, yet cheerful response. Yet, somehow it left something fluttering in the large turtle’s chest. His face scrunched up tensely as he tried to will away the building heat in his cheeks, and resorted to hiding his face in the bowl of the heavenly stew.

…..Raphael was quite certain you would someday be the death of him.

Later that night, after you two had had your fill of dinner and the pot and bowls were soaking in the sink, you curled up together on your old couch in front of the TV. Raph was watching the evening news, followed by a mobster period drama he found he secretly enjoyed. While you had made home with a blanket and a book curled up in the grumpy turtle’s lap.

Raphael was lazily watching the TV and gratefully melting into the couch, letting his head tip back and stretch out the sore muscles in his neck. He barely noticed the pressure of you snuggled up warmly on his lap, already so accustomed to the feeling that at this point it would be more strange without it. When suddenly, he heard a clatter and flop from what sounded like your book sliding to the floor. He looked back up, expecting you to clamor up to retrieve it, but found you made no movement.

“……..?...” Raph looked down to check on you, and was met with the adorable sight of your peaceful sleeping face. Your head resting comfortably against his chest as you breathed slowly and deeply. A hand curled up under your chin while he other was pressed flat against his chest.

Raphael immediately felt his whole face heat up deeply at the sight, having to turn his head away and place a hand over his mouth for a moment to insure he wouldn’t explode from the sudden swell of feelings building up in his chest. He tried taking a deep breath to calm himself down. ‘What am I, a teenage girl….?’ He chastised himself as he calmed down enough to look back to you.

‘……Are they really asleep?’ He wondered. Raph studied your face, checking for signs of movement behind your eyes, but became caught up admiring the long strokes of your eyelashes against your cheek. It was just a small detail, but somehow, it sparked a warm feeling in him.

Raph found himself staring quietly at you as you dozed, and he became captured by your features as he gazed at you so closely. Your little nose, your soft complexion, playfully messy licks of your hair, the soft line of your jaw…. The corners of Raph’s mouth began to pull up in a kind smile as he gazed at you. Quietly, he drew up his hand to comb some stray hairs into place, and trailed down to gently stroke across your cheek, until the pad of his thumb came to brush softly across your lips.

Raphael was completely enthralled, and lost himself in his delicate ministrations. Before he even realized it, he found himself leaning in closely, until his lips connected lightly with yours. It was a delicate, revering, chaste kiss, one he would never have the courage to initiate around your waking self. But right now, not even the adoring (and embarrassing) gaze of his lover was present to shy him away from his enamor.

You stirred at the ticklish sensation, brows drawing together and making a soft cute sound as you sighed into the kiss, drawn awake by your boyfriend’s soft touches.

Raphael froze still upon hearing the small sleepy noise come from you. His heart fluttered nervously in his chest, afraid he had been caught in his intimate moment. Slowly, he pulled away from your lips and looked down at your face. Raph was met with the sight of lidded eyes staring up at him, with a faint blush and sleepy smile gracing your face.

Raph was indeed caught. But before he could fully process his quickly rising embarrassment, you quickly shut your eyes and feigned sleep once again.

“........???????” He was very confused now. That was definitely not the reaction he was expecting.

“......(y/n).....?” Raph called out to check on you, not exactly sure what to do in this turn of events after being caught sweetly kissing his sleeping lover. But you just kept your eyes closed, a very loving smile still painting your face.

“Mmh...... no..... I’m still asleep....... keep kissing me......~” You whispered sleepily from your spot nestled in the crook of his arms.

Raph was stunned. It felt as if an arrow had pierced his heart and warmed his whole body from head to toe. Your smile only grew wider from feeling him go tense, and your hand slowly reached up to stroke against Raph’s rough cheek, tempting him to draw back in until your lips met once again.“Mmh~” You made a happy sound that hummed ticklishly against Raph’s lips, breaking him out of his surprise and enticing him to return the kiss.

It was soft, slow, and wet, how your lips moved against each other in your own quiet revere under the comfortable cover of night. You both drew away for breath, only to gravitate in to meet again and again to taste each other. Raph became emboldened as your hand lazily trailed up to push up his mask, and he leaned down to start peppering kisses across your face. Smooching your nose, your eyelids, the dips of your cheeks, your brows, forehead, and the corners of your mouth. He smooched his lover softly until you were left giggling softly in his arms. He paused to listen to the adorable sound, more bright and peaceful than any church bells, before he went back to praise and worship those velvety lips once again.

You kissed back more slowly than before, your passion still there but your energy seemed to be waning. Your hand slid from Raph’s cheek and came to rest on his chest, and you felt your mind grow fuzzy from the gentle brushes of his lips. Soon, you felt yourself melt completely back into Raph’s warm embrace, as your sleepiness overcame you once again at the parting of one more kiss.

Raphael paused for only a moment to catch his breath between loving smooches, before he moved to return once again. He softly brushed his lips against yours in quiet invitation, but surprisingly, he found that you did not return his kiss. Instead, he felt the slow gentle draws of breath against his lips. You had fallen fast asleep with your head nestled against his shoulder, lulled to rest by his sweet kisses.

Raphael paused as your breaths tangled in the small space between your lips. All he could do was stare into the peaceful resting expression of his lover wrapped warmly in his embrace. His gaze didn’t leave your lips, swollen red from his attention. The soft breath of sleep tickling against his own sensitive lips. The large turtle felt a smile tugging at his mouth at the sight of his normally energetic partner so easily put to sleep in his arms. He wondered briefly if he could ever endure this level of affection from you at your usual energy, and came to the conclusion that he would most likely combust after only a few seconds.

Raph eventually came back to his senses. His cheeks heating into a bright red glow of self-consciousness as recognition dawned of his own actions.

“...........shit.”

Raphael closed his eyes tightly shut as he tried to shut out the feeling of steam rising from his head. He ducked his head, burying his heated face into your hair as he tried to suppress the building need to implode from embarrassment. He silently muttered excuses but quickly gave in to the strong feelings clenching in his chest.

He was helplessly in love with you.

(He was still denying it.)

“...........What are you doing to me shorty...” He quietly mumbled, resentfully, yet, adoringly into your hair.

(But of course, that won’t stop him from trying to suffocate these embarrassing feelings. He had a reputation to uphold after all.)

But it was times like these, under the privacy of a silent night, with sweet words and gentle touches, that Raphael gave in.

It’s the little things.

And he carried you off to bed.

The End

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for abandoning my party in the middle of a notoriously tough dungeon?

i (26m) was playing ffxiv and had just unlocked a new dungeon. all my friends were asleep and i was too excited to wait, so i decided to go against my social anxiety and run it with randos.

the scant handful times i'd run dungeons with randos before went great - earlier that day after another dungeon i'd even gotten player commendations from two of the players in a party i was healing for - so i was more or less confident this time would be fine as well.

boy oh boy was i wrong...

i got matched with three players we will simply call tank, healer, and dps (age and gender unknown for all three). i went in as a bard (all my other jobs were too underlevelled), filling the remaining dps role.

things went awry almost as soon as we set foot in that dungeon. i died in the first room to some enemies that aggro'd on me and ganged up on me. the rest of the party left the room pretty much immediately after all enemies were dead.

i politely asked to be resurrected, to which healer reluctantly complied. they told me to "just rez next time", which would've sent me to the beginning of the dungeon. in hindsight that would've prolly been fine since it was only the first room.

after i caught up to the others i once again got swarmed with monsters. this is gonna be a pattern if you couldn't tell. after i'd died to this pattern a couple times tank yelled at me for "constantly pulling everything ffs".

for those who don't know, tanks (at least in this game) have a special ability that basically acts as an aggro magnet. i have a strong suspicion tank wasn't using said ability considering how often i got swarmed, but we'll never know for sure.

now the mid boss was where it truly went to shit. no matter how much of a distance i kept from that damn thing, no matter how well i evaded its aoe attacks, i just kept dying over and over again. one time the rest of the party even got sent back somehow. i'm not sure how.

and why did i keep dying you may ask? because healer never healed me. not once after they resurrected me at the beginning did i notice my hp go up aside from when i used hi-potions or my one (1) healing spell, both of which have a very long cooldown. i think they were glued to tank the entire time, completely neglecting me and dps.

and yet, i was the one taking the blame for everything. for pulling the enemies tank should've pulled. for constantly dying, which i couldn't help because healer never once touched me after that first resurrection.

it was really starting to affect me so after i let my dead body be sent back to the beginning of the dungeon i finally put my foot down and left the dungeon. this disbanded the party, not only kicking everyone from the dungeon, but likely also penalizing all 4 of us because of my actions.

i will clarify that this wasn't just any old dungeon; it was aurum vale. it's a dungeon you need to be at least level 47 for. while i don't know much about it myself, judging by the way my friends talk about it the semi-universal verdict is that it sucks major balls. it' would's not be a fun dungeon to have to redo, that's for sure.

i was on the verge of tears for well over 30 minutes afterwards, both from the emotional afterquakes of fear and anger but also from the guilt of abandoning these people like that.

so, am i the asshole? am i too sensitive? should i just have sucked it up and kept going?

tldr; i felt like my party of randos were blaming me for being the weakest link while doing their own jobs poorly, and decided to prioritize my own feelings by leaving the dungeon, dissolving the party and forcing the others to start all over again

Oh no. Oh honey. I am so sorry Aurum Vale is just like that. I'm gonna put the poll here and some extra INFO/advice under a readmore because it's a bit long, but please read on before voting.

First: don't let leaving bother you too much, it didn't kick everyone from the dungeon, that's not how it works. If one person leaves, the queue just refills the party with a new person and the dungeon continues like normal, or everyone else now has the option to leave without penalty.

Aurum Vale's first room is a motherfucker--basically it's an older design with lots of wandering monsters, so on the first room especially you need to hug the left hand wall as tight as you can to aggro as little as possible. Let the tank go first and grab aggro on mobs. Don't pull for the tank, especially at this level range. Let them do their job. I can't say for sure whether they had their aggro-generating stance on, could go either way, but I can see why they got annoyed at someone pulling stuff they weren't ready for yet. While wall-to-wall pulling is pretty standard in this game, that's the tank's call to make, not the dps's--and some of these older dungeons with funky level syncing or enemy pacing make wall-to-walling more difficult and not for everyone.

(BTW, as an aside, tank stance works as a personal buff, not a magnet--they do still need to hit things to grab their aggro, sometimes more than once if someone else has already established on them. If they already have a pack they're working on and you grab something way on the other side of the room, you'll have to bring it over to them so they can take it off you!)

If you do die to mobs between bosses, sometimes the best thing to do is just release and respawn! If you get a rez, you'll have a debuff that makes you weaker for a while. Definitely if it's the very first room, releasing is the move most of the time.

As for dying to bosses: was it definitely the mid boss, the cyclops? Because the other two (the plant and the morbol) both have mechanics that make you take slow damage over time unless you eat a fruit to get rid of it. You want to eat a fruit every 2-3 stacks of the debuff that you get because that's where the damage starts to get more severe; before then, the healer can probably handle you.

Basically, it seems like this party mistook inexperience for malice and was rude to you in response. Not healing you, for example, is absolutely inexcusable. You did some things suboptimally that made the dungeon harder for the group, but honestly we were all there once, don't let it get to you too much. Try it again with your friends bearing the stuff I mentioned in mind, and it'll go much better! But as an aside it SUCKS to heal, if you have a more experienced friend you should let them handle it haha

[openphrase123]

hey hi hi i've read everything of curtain call (except, obviously, what hasn't been posted yet) and i HAVE to ask you to share your lost country/skywatcher language thoughts so i can devour them immediately please.

hiiiiiiii so like 90% of the language worldbuilding i did for curtain call was like. very simple sentences and words since i didn't want to make an entire conlang for this fanfiction. what i have written in-fic would fall apart in two seconds if i tried to expand it to any of the lines outside of what i wrote. HOWEVER i have a lot of thoughts about how it WOULD work if it had the capacity to expand outward

putting under a readmore both for curtain call spoilers and because this is going to get long and insufferable for anyone except ME

also if you're not reading curtain call. this is still a fun little analysis about how siffrin's native language influences their behavior. you might have fun with it wheeeee just know that the actual language i'm talking about is not canon. i made it up.

disclaimer: i speak a couple of languages but my knowledge of languages is VERY limited to what i know. so you're going to see a lot of instances of me calling back to japanese or other english dialects. other languages exist and also have these features but i'm just not gonna say anything if i'm not sure of what i'm saying. if you are interested in these concepts in a more academic setting i am NOT the place to find that

second disclaimer: in curtain call, the name for qilaksut comes from greenlandic/kalaalisut which is an endangered indigenous language. this is an open invitation to go learn who, historically, lived in and supported the land you're living on. consider supporting them whatever way you can.

number ONE. dude is it that serious??

nah.

again, i built this for like ten sentences out of a 100k+ fic. so like. there's some inconsistencies, there's some weird stuff. and i know i could have just written all of the curtain call qilaksut in english but italicized, there would have been nothing wrong with that. but i did not because i thought it would be a good exercise in character exploration

because the language you speak has some measure of how you act and carry yourself in the world. (sorry elizabeth if you're reading this. i'm not going full noam chomsky i swear i don't believe in linguistic determinism i'm using this as a literary device) and since siffrin is the only speaker of the forgotten language we see (loop never engages with that in-game as much) and i was a little bit like. okay. why is he like that. how much of that is siffrin and how much of that is the home they don't know

in odile's friendquest she remarks that she only finds similarity in herself within vaugarde because vaugarde is so welcoming to travelers. however odile never went to vaugarde until she was an adult - siffrin presumably lived on the island until he was a teenager, and your personality is fairly Formed by then (at least enough for people to put iterations on it in adulthood) so as much as i could have gone the route of "siffrin it's okay that you don't see yourself in your past" i thought for the themes of this fic it made more sense to go "oh THAT'S why siffrin is Like That"

so as you're reading through this: yes i'm worldbuilding language. but MOSTLY as a siffrin character study. okay! okay.

number TWO. situational meanings.

so ✦‧₊ is "you" and ✧‧₊ is "me/i". but "hello" is ❇✧ which - hang on, isn't that the word for universe and me? no, actually, there's no pronoun suffix (‧₊ denotes when a person is being talked about) so in this context ✧ means "inside". which means ✦ means "outside" in some contexts.

(but harrie, why does "hello" mean "inside universe"?? well i imagine it's the difference between older medieval greetings and the modern "hi". languages morph and drift. this kind of just suggests that without me having to write an Entire Language Family Background. probably a shortening of some corny shit like "within the universe i find you" or whatever. semantic drift.)

and part of the reason i did that was for unicode constraints - there are only unicode characters that look like stars. but the other half is because in japanese and i THINK also in chinese each character has a few different meanings. take 本, in japanese. it has a lot of meanings on its own but let's look at it in situational context. 本棚 is bookshelf. 本物 means real. 本土 is mainland.

so in qilaksut i think these kinds of multi-use words are common. ERGO. why siffrin has trouble thinking of very situational words in vaugardian. if your native language is built up of tangential mnemonic connections, of course you're going to have trouble remembering the word kiln!!

number THREE. reduplication and repetition

take the phrase "✦‧₊ »»⟢" from ch10. in my head, » means "fast" and doubling it gives you "really fast". this happens in AAVE (e.g. "he's RICH rich") and japanese (there is an entire kanji expressly used as a repetition mark so that you don't have to draw complicated kanji twice, it's 々(noma) and as an example, person is 人 but people is 人々)

reduplication is slightly different from this but i think it shows up for words like »», where you're not literally saying the word twice but the vowels double themselves. kind of in a trilling way. i actually say this in inutile and not curtain call but i think the Siffrin Accent wavers a lot and feels like a twinkling star. because i think it's cute

alsooo repetition. wish craft. do u see the vision

number FOUR. pronouns and clusivity

i don't get into the he/she/they or any other third person pronouns in the fic because. well i think the lost country would go so hard on pronouns. there are child pronouns. adult pronouns. pronouns denoting somebody's job or status. hell loop is SO casual about offering to use the "royal we" i genuinely think pronoun usage in the lost country is more tied to interpersonal relationships than gender. but of course that plays a role too

because i think there's a huge amount of gender concoction you could brew in there. i think it would be really fun if siffrin uses he/they because in qilaksut siffrin is mainly referred to as the neutral pronoun mashed together with the masculine one. i think that would be fun.

and then for funsies. clusivity. i definitely think there is a difference between "we" (me+one other person, excluding you) and "we" (me+others+you) in qilaksut. would be fun if this is why siffrin automatically assumes they're getting excluded from things. "where is the vaugardian inclusive we and why has nobody said it to me???"

number FIVE. structure

i don't have a lot of Full Sentences in qilaksut in the fic but in general it follows the pattern place - > noun - > adjective - > verb. and you might be going "harrie, you weeb, that's japanese again" well. i didn't want it to be like french or english. and that's the one i know. so. shut up!!!!

"well why can't it be the same syntax as vaugardian then?" i'm glad you asked. i wanted it to feed again more into the idea that siffrin is more susceptible to getting "lost" in a conversation. hard to focus when your normal syntax anchors are not there!!

but at the same time. i write siffrin as a polyglot in curtain call. they're pretty equipped to learn and absorb new languages. once you learn a second language, in general, your third/fourth/fifth gets easier

number SIX. things i can't do in the fic except for once or twice because of unicode restrictions

well i could do it ONCE. with two sentences that are coming up in tomorrow's chapter: but i think in qilaksut writing, changing the rotation/orientation of the word also changes the meaning. slight spoilers for tomorrow's chapter but siffrin has two ways of saying "love you" for two different people - for odile, it's ❥✦‧₊ and for isabeau it's ❤✦‧₊

this isn't for any particular reason, i just think it's neat in the context of how i do names and titles for the rest of the fic. getting called different names based on your relationship to somebody, using altered terms of endearment for someone. two extra rotations of the heart could exist in theory so one of them is probably "loving your kid" and the other issss i dunno. maybe a closer platonic love nearer to a qpr or something. or what you use for your parents/guardians or your betters. i didn't think that far!!

also word opposites. ✷ doesn't have another version with just the lines, but that means "yes" and i think a hollowed out version of that would mean "no." obviously the ✦/✧ shift goes here too. and i think the inverse of ✪ (little) would mean big. but i couldn't find those in unicode so they do not exist in this fic oops

if you made it this far into the post. hi. thank you for reading :) that was probably a lot more than you were asking for. i won't apologize. anyway this post doesn't even TOUCH how i do name stuff in the fic but that also feeds into this. (and the name stuff was something i took out of an old dnd campaign anyway) (of which i have a DIFFERENT altered version for my original fiction but shhhh)

[jounosparticles]

this feels really odd to ask but but what do you think the hunting dogs' thoughts are about death? specifically if they die and how? cause I feel like all of them share a variation of "I will go down guns blazing and with glory"

fukuchi definitely feels it and I feel like jouno as well. they've both had rough and violent lives so I feel like they've always thought death was just right around the corner.

I don't know about the rest of them though. teruko I feel shares the thought but not as intense as the other two, and I dont know about tecchou and tachihara.

anyway. it's a neat thought to me :3

ohhh i’ve been thinking of the best way to answer this for DAYS. this analysis will be long so ill put it under a readmore.

the hunting dogs and death - analysis

overall, it is shown that they can die. i assume due to their abilities and bodily enhancements that they do not die of injuries very easily. it makes me wonder how disease hits them? partially mechanical bodies may not respond to illness as well as natural bodies would? or maybe the opposite and they can heal more so internally? anyways here's my thoughts on how each hunting dog perceives dying!!

fukuchi

i see fukuchi as fairly self-preserving up until the end. he can't die in battle because he needs to make sure the decay of angels plot carries out.

remember that he was warned of this at nine years old. he had to spend his life preparing for this. he likely grew very wary of living recklessly and became great at fighting very fast and young; i assume that's why he went through dojos to fight as a child.

under no circumstances could he die until the world was safe.

i imagine he put on a selfless face and was willing to take serious harm in order to protect the peace, but i highly doubt he was ever willing to sacrifice his life until his plan worked out.

here we see his thought process and how things need to fall into place. his participation was essential because in no other situation would fukuzawa be the one able to get access to the one order. if fukuchi had died beforehand, the war would play out as the amenogozen warning claimed.

he had to leave the world to fukuzawa, the man he could trust most before facing his own demise.

of course, at this point in the series he has been killed since that was the final goal of his plan. a noble death for a fantastic hero.

jouno

im actually a little conflicted on his perception of death. i believe jouno is willing to sacrifice his life if absolutely necessary but is probably more self-preserving than the others. i believe he likely uses his confident and slightly arrogant attitude to hide this self-preserving mindset. someone who comes off as intimidating or nonchalant during battle is more likely to throw off the enemy whereas appearing nervous or angry will make them seem vulnerable. i believe jouno also sees himself as very strategic and able to get out of situations easily if needed. he's a quick thinker from what we've seen thus far.

lets look at when he confronted fukuchi.

he starts off very confidently accepting the offer. we know this is a facade but him immediately trying to throw fukuchi off guard seems so show he's pretty confident in his next move.

but when this doesn't work, he immediately tries to flee. this is fairly unique for a fight in bsd, many characters will often fight until they either get what they wish or they're too injured to move. despite jouno having an ability that could dodge fukuchi's, he still chose to try and escape instead of continuing to fight. this is a very normal human reaction to have but not one you see as often.

and at a disturbance, he begins to panic and needs to ground himself by reassuring himself instead of fighting back. he's not willing to put his life on the line to stop a global terrorism and his own escape is seen as a victory, which i see as him being more self-preserving. this all took place before the sword was set on fire, so it wasn't as if he had that threat to escape yet.

however, there's a chance he just didn't know how to fight the amenogozen; but his ability was definitely one of the best to fight against fukuchi with.

still, he's smart and made sure to plan adequately in case he was injured in the battle against fukuchi. he wants to keep himself safe, but he's still smart enough to take precaution.

i think jouno has probably been through a lot in his life and wants to spend a while living happily, making him more afraid to die than the others. this is even shown when he took teruko being angry as a threat while fukuchi laughed over it.

(as a small note, fukuchi's line in the anime was "haha. it seems our gremlin is angry today" which makes more sense in this context).

so tldr i think jouno would only go down if absolutely necessary and otherwise is fairly self-prioritizing.

tecchou

i believe tecchou would sacrifice himself if it brings justice.

however, he seems to see himself as one responsible for judgement, so i imagine he gives every single fight his all.

regardless of him acting as judgement, it's been shown that tecchou is willing to die if he fails at his work.

here he promises that if he were to fail he would commit seppuku (killing oneself via slicing through your stomach--an honourable death for a samurai fighter (which lines up with irl tetchou coming from samurai lineage)), which is an incredibly agonizing way to die. regardless, he is fully willing to do it if it is for peace. this shows a confidence in death and commitment to his sense of justice to an extreme manner.

and when he found himself in a situation where he was in the wrong, he immediately admitted defeat and asked his opponent to kill him.

he admits defeat, says his wrongs and is willing to accept the consequences.

he even jumps to the harsh conclusion that he isn't worthy of his title as a hunting dog. the stark white in his eyes show that his mind isn't corrupted and that he is doing what he believes is proper justice. incredibly noble.

luckily he was spared-and likely learned a lot about justice not always being as black and white as things appear.

overall, tecchou is a very noble fighter and is willing to put his life on the line for justice. he doesn't seem to fear death and will embrace it if he feels it is earned or deserved.

tachihara

i have less to say about tachihara than the others. i see him as the type that will go down over what's right and that's shown during his fight with fukuchi.

he isn't willing to fear death or beg for forgiveness. he will go down if it is worthy.

we also see that he keeps a argumentative spirit towards the enemy despite the circumstances. he will put down his opponent even in the moment of death, he just has the confidence to.

this panel also shows that he's more willing to die than to be defeated. he doesn't want to harm anyone and be controlled so he tries to kill himself first.

overall, he's a strong fighter who isn't afraid to sacrifice his life for what he believes in. his orders make him who he is, and if the orders are to win he either will or he will die trying.

(of course that last part doesn't really count when he was posing as a mafioso because he couldn't blow his cover by easily surviving everything).

teruko

much like tachihara, teruko seems to be very willing to put herself on the line to keep people safe. this is shown almost immediately in her introduction.

if ordered, she is willing to die. she's incredibly dedicated to her job and would go down if it saves people.

she's willing to go to drastic measures to keep herself alive as well, destroying her eardrum and continuing to try and fight sigma despite being under the directed resonance guns (which were made to destroy people like her). she didn't run, and she did absolutely everything she could have done in order to win.

she seems to also pride herself in fighting and being hurt in battle, likely to show her resilience and ability to do whatever it takes if it saves people.

she even goes on to call the hunting dogs "society's servants" and refers to the enhancement surgeries as "searing order into their own bodies."

this immense dedication makes me strongly believe that she would have no problem sacrificing herself if it is for the best. she killed fukuchi despite really caring for him, so i can see her being willing to put herself into that situation as well.

tysm for the question!!!!! this was super fun to read through the scenes again and try to piece together a logical guess on them all.

[nat-20s]

God GOD okay okay okay okay okay I'm having thoughts I'm having FEELINGS im having a Moment SO

I waanna talk about Ten and Donna (shocker I know) but SPECIFCALLY I wanna talk about like. Them and being besties and soulmatism and red string of fates and what not. Also this post is long as rambly as hell so I'm putting it under a readmore for my non-tendonna girlies <3

So like. The Runaway Bride really does establish them as future besties so so well and some of it is the writing but I do think that some of it is that Catherine Tate and David Tennant, by all available accounts, ALSO immediately got on like a house on fire. Like genuinely i know Acting TM is a thing but I think them getting on is part of why their on screen chemistry is SO electric and dazzling to the point where Donna went from a one off one episode character to *checks notes* a character that came back TWICE and also fundamentally changed the structure and DNA of Doctor Who as a whole so. You know. Pretty impressive. Plus Donna gets to have her first adventure with The Doctor as their absolute worst: Ten is grieving from a FRESH wound of losing Rose, he's incredibly cruel and incredibly cold and straight up murders the Racknoss without a flinch or hint of remorse, and even before that he accidentally kidnaps her and then insults her as someone to dismiss. That's not to say that she doesn't also see The Doctor at their brightest: he ends up treating her with incredible kindness, and he's dazzling and brilliant and cares so much and shows her the creation of the earth itself to provide comfort. However it IS to say that because of the nature of his first interaction with Donna he CAN'T put up a facade she already knows the truth!! She is walking into their dynamic with completely open eyes and at first it fucking scares her! She doesn't dislike him in fact they already are friends after less than a day but

Then partners in crime happens. And she's realized okay no actually I CAN take the bad with the good and I WANT to participate in all of it and I DO want this friendship. The Red Strings of Fate (or maybe the TARDIS being like lmaoo you need this girlie <3) bring them back together and they are Officially Tethered from that point on which is so so so delicious. It's also so so so delicious that Ten's still at an incredibly low point and she's still going into this friendship without any ruses in place. Like oh shit yeah they are Bound together even if they did separate now they would almost certainly find each other again.

AND THEN AND THEN!!! We've already established The Doctor and Donna as fast best friends but holllllyyyy shit I think Fires of Pompeii is what establishes them as forever Soulmates. I meant canonically the ending of Fires of Pompeii where she has him save the family fundamentally changed The Doctor for the rest of their lives and gave them a guiding moral compass long after she wasn't there so yeah that's pretty fuckin soulmates of them. But I actually think them as a concept of two people sharing one soul (for the better!!) happens earlier in the episode. The exact moment in fact is THIS ONE:

The Doctor has to make a choice. There are no good options: both are mass destruction and death. And it's SUCH a Doctor choice to have to make: actively destroy Pompeii and everyone in it, or allow the entire world to be destroyed. Not only that but it will likely kill both him and Donna as well. It's a mix of self sacrifice and other sacrifice to save the world and it's a horrific situation to be in.

It is a narrative that parallels the choice he made in the Time War. It is an archetypical Burden of the Doctor.

And then she looks into his eyes, sees his fear and hesitation and remorse and guilt, and wordlessly puts her hands on his. They push the lever to destroy Pompeii together. And it becomes the burden of the DoctorDonna.

[shadowscommand]

ok so we know abt rodion and nikto. but what about. nikto. and rodion. what does nikto think abt rodion.

man... everything? he feels a lot of different ways about him. that i have a lot to say about so im putting this under a readmore

so, its just as important to him as it is to rodion that hes Much younger than nikto and hes so fresh in this environment of war. nikto likes the power dynamics he likes that rodion looks to him for that comfort & learning especially. its not healthy, but many of the ways nikto looks at rodion are not healthy. there's a lot of wanting to Own rodion and leave a mark on him. and its like. so many of their issues stem from nikto constantly thinking about how if he Wasn't Him as he is Now if he was him from Before becoming Nikto their relationship would be so much different. he believes if he was just a hot, older man rodion would have been attracted to him immediately, fucked him immediately, but also seen a notnikto-nikto flirt around and fuck others and never felt like They'd need a relationship.

he's so stuck on thinking that rodion Only wants him because he feels like he can also baby Him because nikto is so visibly fucked up and Needs Help. he feels resentment about like a perceived pity even if rodion has never actually shown him pity. he does not feel attractive and worthy of someone Wanting him (esp not someone so conventionally attractive and easily likeable) so the fact that rodion does is conflicting to him. and also all of this is working against him.

but so much of this is internal and not known or only vaguely known to rodion. its also just not always on niktos mind. he does disassociate, and he does have good days esp if rodion is keeping his mind off things. its when he has bad days that these things come between them. when theyre not hes just like.. enamored w rodion. hes a great guy. hes very charming, very pretty. nikto enjoys being able to put his hands on him, to hold on to him in his room with him. he's funny and he matches nikto's humor. nikto Likes that He finds him funny. rodions confidence is intoxicating. the fact that through it all he really isnt scared of nikto is so.. like... it Is actually comforting to nikto. its very humanizing in a way he wouldnt recognize but he would feel. they have good chemistry between them.

watching rodion come into his own in his work would be fun to nikto. rodion came to spets as a high achiever and even with them having issues rodion would continue that. nikto would have pride in him. plus it would be cute for them to have an actual sparring session where nikto gives him pointers bc hes worried for him bc hes Too young to die 🥺. he does pretty blatantly love him he just does not want rodion to love him back and sometimes he feels the need to punish rodion for this. thats the best way to sum up how nikto feels about rodion

[rosanna-writer]

we said hello and your eyes look like coming home (21/?)

Summary: A canon-divergent AU where the bond snaps for Rhys on Calanmai, Feyre unwittingly accepts it, and Fire Night magic proves to be more transformative than anyone bargained for. Feyre drags a mate she hardly knows out from Under the Mountain, then puts him back together as war with Hybern approaches. Warnings: dubious consent, canon-typical sexual violence, canon-typical violence Rating: Explicit Chapter Word Count: ~4.6k

ch. 1 - 10 | ch. 11-20 | ch. 21 - i wouldn't marry me either

Feyre gets her ring, and there's angst about it that literally no one asked for.

Some text in this chapter is taken directly from A Court of Mist and Fury.

Read on AO3 or you can find the twenty-first chapter below the readmore.

Well met, High Lady.

The words clanged through me.

But there was hardly time to consider them. The Weaver's dress rustled as she stood and prowled towards me. Though her features were so rotted and warped that they could hardly be called a face anymore, I still recognized a look of hunger—I'd seen it enough back in that cabin.

I suspected, however, that her appetite was far more gruesome than mine.

"I'm here to make a bargain," I said quickly.

She took another step closer, the motion oddly graceful—the Weaver carried herself more like a lady than I could ever manage. Perhaps, millennia ago, she'd been one.

"What could you possibly have to offer me?" she said in that voice that sounded so youthful, so clear and lovely.

"Lives," I said. "A few dozen, enough for several meals and bolts of cloth. There isn't much meat on my bones, but they'll have more."

"Not even a thread from your own life, little wolf?" The Weaver reached out a sickly-looking bone-white hand, running a gnarled, spindly finger down my ribs. I trembled. Her touch was feather-light, but it seemed to leech the heat from me all the same. "The one I see right here is quite beautiful."

The mating bond. Nothing was worth giving that away. I took a step back, all-too-aware that I was dangerously close to being cornered.

"That is not on offer."

The Weaver's laugh was bright and and musical. "Are you sure about that?Powerful magic makes for fine cloth. I'd pay a pretty penny for a golden thread like that."

The Weaver of the Wood might have been a death-god, but she sounded no different than the businessmen I'd overheard meeting with my father before his downfall. I was too much of a merchant's daughter to fall for it.

"I"m here to retrieve the ring that's rightfully mine as Lady of the Night Court. Nothing more." I seldom voiced my title aloud, and perhaps for the first time, saying it didn't make me feel like a girl playing dress-up with clothes far too big for her.

The dark lines of the Weaver's mouth widened into what might have been a grin. "And I was told by the last one not to make it easy on you."

Of course his mother did—Rhys could be maddening, and I supposed he must have gotten it from somewhere.

"If you accept my offer, there may be more than one mating bond in it for you. I don't know how many of them have a mate, but the rogue Illyrian war-bands are yours if you return my ring and allow me to leave this place unharmed."

I'd practiced the words in my head, careful to close a loophole, but it still came as a surprise that my voice didn't shake. The Weaver circled me, occasionally reaching out a bony hand to inspect the knives strapped to my waist and thighs. I let her look, even as I shivered—if they were something she wanted, she could have them, too.

"You will touch nothing in this cottage save the ring. Bring me half of your prisoners as a show of good faith, and you will have until I'm finished with them to find what's yours. Then deliver the rest immediately and leave me be."

I doubted she'd take very long doing…whatever she did to her victims. But I still didn't feel a pull towards a single object in any of the crowded shelves or piles of junk filling the cottage. There wouldn't be time for a thorough search.

And the bloodthirsty delight sparking in pits that should have been her eyes told me she knew it, too.

"What happens if I don't find the ring?" I said, letting my hand drift towards the handle of the knife at my hip.

"My terms have been more than generous, High Lady. Don't push me any further."

There it was again…that title. "Why did you call me that?" I should have focused on bargaining, but the words were out of my mouth before I could think them through.

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to."

More cryptic faerie bullshit, then. I flexed the fingers of my left hand self-consciously. A death-god could probably see through a glamour. Nothing more.

I squared my shoulders. "Fine. I accept the terms of your bargain."

The tang of magic filled the air as a small, curling tattoo formed just behind my ear. A crescent moon—its twin was now inked on the Weaver's forearm.

One tug on the bond, and Rhys delivered half of the rogue Illyrians to the cottage door.

I'd turned away just as the Weaver's mouth of stumped teeth went wide in anticipation. There were screams, sickly gurgles, wet noises as she ripped flesh into pieces, the crunch and crack of bones breaking.

Bones. Snapping, splintering bones, just like—

I forced myself to breathe, even as my heart raced and bile climbed up my throat. Borrowed time. I was on borrowed time, and there wouldn't be much of it.

I scanned the shelves, hoping to catch sight of a jewel glittering in the gloom. But all I saw was junk, even as I crouched and looked over the cluttered tables and overstuffed drawers…

Then I felt it.

A tug, a tap on the shoulder. A glimmer of something reaching for me, familiar as the whorls of night that had left me with my tattoo, laced with a constellation pointing the way. But even as it grasped me…there was something else.

The star-flecked power felt quintessentially Rhys, but…there was something of me in it, too. It was strange, like looking into a mirror and finding two sets of eyes—one violet and one blue-grey—staring back.

Take me home, it seemed to say. I've been away far too long.

Heedless of the horrible noises behind me, I barreled through the maze of tables and junk, letting the pulse guide the way. I stopped at the shelf on the wall next to the hearth. Close—it was close.

An old letter knife, books in leather that I did not want to touch or smell; a handful of acorns, a tarnished crown of ruby and jasper, and—

The ring.

It was made of twisted strands of gold and silver, flecked with pearl, and set with a stone of deepest, solid blue. Sapphire—but different. I’d never seen a sapphire like that, even at my father’s offices. This one…I could have sworn that in the pale light, the lines of a six-pointed star radiated across the round, opaque surface.

My ring.

"There you are," I couldn't help but whisper. "I've been looking for you."

Careful to keep my bargain, I plucked it from the shelf, pinching it between my forefinger and thumb to avoid touching anything else. Time to go. I turned towards the door.

And nearly retched on the spot. The Illyrians weren't dead yet—they were still shrieking like wounded animals—but their shredded entrails were…everywhere. And the Weaver had unhinged her jaw to sate that unholy hunger.

As I walked past them to leave the cottage, I did not look away. I had chosen this fate for them, horrible as it was. The least I could do was bear witness, even as my feet slid along the blood-soaked floor and crossed the threshold.

The rest of them were hers, too. The screams started again, and I felt the tattoo fade. As I stalked towards the trees, I clutched the ring so tightly that the prongs around the sapphire nearly split open my skin.

And perhaps it made me a monster, a murderous human with ice in her heart, but…I didn't feel guilty. If anything, I was relieved. The echo of magic that had wormed its way into my soul belonged solely to the Night Court, and there was nothing linking me back to Tamlin or Spring. I wasn't…tainted.

I found Rhys leaning casually against a tree, hands in his pockets—lounging practically. As I approached, his groomed brows flicked up in a silent question.

I held up the ring.

A smile—a real one, not a smirk, something boyish and decidedly un-High-Lord-like—bloomed on his face. Despite the agonized screams still ringing in my ears, my stomach flipped pleasantly. I grinned back.

With the horror growing even more distant, I let myself feel proud of what I'd done. And maybe it was just the way Rhys was smiling at me, but I felt…lighter. Giddy, almost.

I'd done it. The ring in my hand was tangible proof that I deserved my place in the Night Court, at his side, and I hadn't realized how much better it made me feel to have it.

Too eager to walk, Rhys winnowed the last few feet of distance between us. I pressed forward to kiss him, rising up on my toes, and he scooped me up in one smooth movement.

Not that I'd ever doubt you, he said in my head, but should I take this to mean it all went smoothly?

Of course it did—I only ever bargain fairly.

Rhys laughed against my lips, setting me back down. When he pulled away, his violet eyes were soft. "You're brilliant," he breathed, reaching up to run a thumb along my cheek. "I didn't think I'd ever see that ring again."

He took my free hand and winnowed us away. I'd assumed we were going to the townhouse, or at least, back to Velaris, and blinked in surprise when a clearing in a pine forest materialized instead. Illyria.

Before us were two stones—headstones. They were small but unworn, with no decoration or text other than two names I didn't recognize. And in front of them, the grass was covered in pebbles and small rocks.

Rhys must have understood my confusion. Voice thick, he said, "Our kind don't leave flowers on graves like humans do. As immortals…we prefer something more permanent and leave stones instead."

Each stone a visit, and there were piles of them, small stacks like miniature fortresses. I wondered how many Rhys had left, if any had been added since he'd been imprisoned Under the Mountain. The grass around the graves was well-kept—someone had been taking care of this place, or at least cast a few preserving spells. Rhys slipped his hand from mine and stepped forward, folding his wings back so they didn't drag on the ground as he sat in an empty patch of grass.

"I'm sorry," he said, and I almost asked why he was apologizing before I realized he wasn't speaking to me, "for going so long without visiting both of you. I was— It's over now. I'm back. And I didn't come back alone. This is Feyre. She's my mate, and I kept my promise, mama. Feyre bargained and got the ring back."

Still feeling like a bit of an intruder, I took a few cautious steps forward and sat in the grass next to him. I reached a hand out, but Rhys didn't take it, just wiped at his eyes. For a long moment, everything was quiet except for the distant sound of birds and the wind blowing through the pines.

I'd never visited my own mother's grave. It had been years since I'd missed her, and if our situations had been reversed, I doubted she would have visited mine. I'd long since made my peace with it.

Perhaps my mother-in-law could have filed that void, been someone I could lean on. But all I had from her was a lesson on ruthlessness that had won me the ring in my hand.

"I wish I could have asked you for advice, on how to be Lady of Night when you're a nineteen-year-old outsider. I have the ring but…I don't know if it's enough," I said quietly. "More than anything, though, I'd like to thank you. For raising him."

A ragged noise escaped Rhys, and I reached my free hand out again. He interlaced our fingers, squeezing almost to the point of pain. I squeezed back, then turned to the other grave. "I grew up with two sisters, Nesta and Elain. But now…I suppose I have three," I said.

As one, Rhys and I got to our feet. We stood there, hand-in-hand, and for a moment, the hole where his family should have been seemed deep enough to swallow everything. It didn't matter that centuries had passed—so much was missing and irreparably broken.

But I wasn't finished, and I forced myself to keep going. I'd fulfilled a promise today, but I had a new oath to swear. "The male who got you killed ripped me from my family and manipulated me for his own ends. If Rhys and I hadn't found each other…my blood would have been on Tamlin's hands, too. I won't allow him to endanger a Night Court female again."

We lingered in silence a bit longer, then left two stones behind on each grave. Rhys winnowed us to the living room of the townhouse. There was more to do—Amren would no doubt want to be informed about what I'd sensed in the Weaver's cottage, and I wanted to change out of my leathers first.

But I couldn't keep holding onto the ring forever. I uncurled my fingers, holding it out to him. "Do you…want it back?"

"It's yours," he said, as if that settled it.

I didn't have the nerve to slip the ring on, even after shedding blood to get it. Not even here, in the privacy of our own home. I'd never questioned the mating bond—how could I when it was the strongest thing I'd ever known? But this was different.

The bond belonged to the two of us. Wearing a family ring was a public declaration.

Rhys cocked his head, studying me again. I was still too caught up in my own thoughts to move. For a moment, I expected a familiar caress of talons against my shields, but it never came.

No, Rhys just plucked the ring from my hand and dropped down to one knee. "Feyre—"

My heart hammered in my chest, and I nearly bolted upstairs. But I couldn't run from him without a word—not again and certainly not like this.

"Don't," I choked out. Rhys went utterly still, forcing his expression into something blank and composed. My eyes stung, but I kept going before I made this worse than it already was. "You wouldn't marry me if I were a faerie."

He blinked. "Of course I—"

"You wouldn't. Because marriage is a silly, pointless formality when there's already an unbreakable thread binding our souls together. But I…" My throat bobbed. "Please don't start treating me differently because I'm human."

In Spring, I'd been something to be gawked at, addressed as "human" instead of my name. I'd felt small and stupid and useless, and I would not let anyone do that to me again, not even if they meant well, like he did.

And especially not in the Night Court, where I belonged.

Rhys stood and wiped away the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. I let the soft brush of his calloused hands settle me as his wings nudged me closer and encircled us both.

"I'm sorry. You looked so unsure just now, and I… I needed you to know I'd choose you in every way possible."

A surprised—if still a bit teary—laugh bubbled out of me. I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder. "I know you would. Sometimes what we feel for each other is the only thing I think I'm sure of."

I felt the tension melt from his body. With a stab of guilt, I wondered if running off to the House of Wind on our first night back had left him with doubts that ran deeper than I'd originally thought. But I let it go—it was hard to keep dwelling on the past when he was letting out a contented hum and kissing the top of my head.

I let myself savor the peace for a few heartbeats, but I couldn't ignore the way he'd only wrapped one arm around me. The other still held the ring.

"For what it's worth, I do want to wear it," I whispered. "I know I can't, at least for now, but if things were different, I would. Every day."

Rhys stepped back and smiled, taking my left hand in his, cradling it as if it were something delicate—not calloused in odd places from holding a bow, with crescents of dirt and blood under my ragged nails. The glamour fell away, revealing the swirling lines of the half-finished tattoo.

He slid the ring onto my finger. I'd thought it might look wrong there, but the ring was Illyrian and my hands were rough like a warrior's. The fit was perfect, and it sat in a gap that had been left between the whorls of my tattoo.

Like it was always meant to be there.

The intensity of emotions rippling across his face was so strong I nearly had to look away. Love, reverent adoration…and that purely male, possessive gleam in his star-flecked eyes. My toes curled in my boots.

"I'm yours, mate," I whispered.

His mouth crashed into mine just the way I'd hoped it would. I parted my lips eagerly, ready to lose myself in the sweep of his tongue.

Maybe I'd never get used to how quickly I could be ready and aching for him. But the pleasure he'd wrung from me last night hadn't been enough, not after several days keeping our hands off each other in Illyria. One scrape of his teeth against my bottom lip, and I was scrabbling at the fastenings of his leathers.

I reached for him through the bond, and his shields were down in an instant. Will you wear one too, Rhys? To let everyone know you're mine?

Those last two words dragged a groan from deep in his throat. He shucked the leathers and undershirt off in one smooth movement, and I ran my hands down, down the hard planes of his muscled chest. Lower and lower, until I brushed the trail of soft hair above the waistband of his pants.

Even in our minds, I sounded breathless. Fuck me while I wear the ring and nothing else.

A flash of pain sparked and lit up the mating bond, even as his tongue plunged deeper into my mouth. I leaped back, shocked as if a bucket of ice had been thrown over us both.

Rhys was breathing hard, eyes wide and wild. He pushed me out of his mind, and his shields were firmly in place again. The walls of adamant were higher and thicker than I'd ever felt them.

"What's wrong?" I said aloud.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. Darkness fell from his shoulders in pulsing, furious waves. A few tendrils wrapped around him like a cloak, and the rest dimmed the room.

He reached for me. I stepped back again. "Rhysand. Tell me what's wrong."

For a long moment, Rhys said nothing. He pressed his eyes shut, his breathing still uneven. I waited. The darkness kept leaking into the room, and when it was pitch-black, he finally spoke.

"The ring with Jurian's eye. She never took it off. Not even when we…" he managed to say.

My heart cracked in two.

"Cauldron, Rhys, I'm so sorry. I should have realized." That ring had featured in so many of our nightmares; I'd been utterly, monumentally stupid not to think of it.

I wanted to hold him, but that seemed….unwise. It might startle him if the dark was too thick for him to see me coming closer. With his shields up, I couldn't reach down the bond and drag him back to the present like I wanted to.

His wings. He still had his wings out. "Rhys," I said, as gently as I could manage. "Go fly. Circle Velaris as many times as you need to. I'll be here when you get back."

There was a rustling noise as his wings snapped outward. Something soft brushed my cheek, and then I was alone, squinting in the too-bright sunlight when the darkness disappeared with him.

I'd ruined everything, so there was nothing to be done but change out of my leathers and wait. My heart was heavy as I sank into one of the chairs on the roof and watched the sky, hoping for a glimpse of him.

I wished I'd been the sort of person who could have just smiled and happily accepted a proposal. Or at the very least, not someone who made it worse by dredging up his nightmares unexpectedly.

Maybe we'd never get completely free from Under the Mountain.

The other end of the bond was silent, and I twisted the ring around my finger so many times I nearly rubbed the skin raw. I could just make out his dark shape against the clouds, the powerful beat of his wings as he looped and looped over the city. One day, I hoped, he'd do the same and carry me with him.

It was a while before Rhys landed on the roof. The movement was easy and graceful, the draft of wind from that massive wingspan ruffling my hair as he touched down with silent feet. He regarded me, eyes dry, standing stiff-backed in a way that seemed unnatural for him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I said, though I knew he didn't.

He shook his head. "I just want you."

In an instant, I was on his lap on the other chair. His breath was warm against my ear as he sighed, draping both arms over my shoulders as he leaned his chest against my back. Exhaustion seemed to roll off him the way his power usually did. We said nothing, but Rhys laced our fingers together and pressed a kiss to the knuckle of my left hand, right next to the ring.

No hard feelings, then.

It was another day before we met with Amren, who made me describe everything I'd felt in the Weaver's cottage in excruciating detail. There was more research to be done, but she had a new working theory—that the Spring Court hadn't left me with any of its own magic, just reshaped the Night Court's existing claim on me.

The faint magic within me wasn't an echo—it had become a seed.

Whether it would bloom or bear fruit or something else entirely was anyone's guess. If given the opportunity, I had the sense Amren would pick me apart to find out. But it was better than going on no information at all.

A few weeks later, I landed a hit on Cassian with a wooden sword the same day I finished the first book I ever read from cover-to-cover. The days had passed as a steady rhythm of training and reading, mostly spent in the House of Wind.

Life was…quiet. Better, though not perfect. Rhys and I still depended on the sleeping draught, and the library was the only windowless place either of us could tolerate for more than an hour at a time. We chipped away at the work of catching up—me on literacy, him on the business of running the Night Court—in companionable silence on sunlit balconies or tucked away among the priestesses.

The rest days were the hardest to tolerate. Without exhaustion to settle my mind, I found myself wandering the city aimlessly, too restless to sit still. The streets of Velaris quickly became familiar.

All of it, except for the Rainbow. I hadn't gotten up the nerve to set foot in the artists' quarter. I'd skirted the edges carefully, and in truth, stared at it wistfully on more than one occasion.

I suspected that Tamlin had given me paints as a distraction, a ploy to quiet me down and soften my feelings towards him. And even if it had just been an attempt to break the curse and save his people…it hurt. Something I loved had been used against me, and I wasn't sure I could throw my whole self into painting so fearlessly ever again.

But I did finish the snowdrops lining the edges of the kitchen table. And it had felt…good. My heart squeezed at the way Rhys smiled every time he looked at them.

There were more leftover paints, so I took to hiding clever decorations in my room, just as I had in the cabin. Behind the curtains, under the dressing table, inside drawers…and nothing more than flowering vines, curls of flame, or intricate, abstract designs. Nothing with me in it.

It was all I could manage. Not a secret, but…I didn't want to be watched or talk about it.

Rhys spotted them eventually, of course. He'd been sprawled out on my bed one morning, staring at my ass as I slipped off my nightgown to get ready for the day. When I heard his sharp intake of breath behind me, I figured he'd noticed the ivy painted on the inside of the drawer I'd just opened.

I'd whirled around, ready to lob a pair of socks at his head in response to a teasing remark. Or worse, for him to be upset that I hadn't told him I'd painted.

But he'd just tilted his head, regarded me thoughtfully, and said, "That's one way to hide what's precious to you."

He'd once said something similar about his wings. And I'd supposed the same thing was true for keeping Velaris and our mating bond hidden. Those violet eyes met mine, and I felt…understood. Somehow, it wasn't terrifying.

It gave me the confidence to start leaving those little hidden designs around the rest of the townhouse. I'd started with his room, then expanded to the kitchen and the foyer. Claiming marks, if you knew where to look for them.

Similar to my mating band, which I took to wearing hidden on a chain under my shirt. Rhys did the same, after he'd offered to find a horrible creature to retrieve his from and call us even.

I wasn't quite sure what I'd do when the paints ran out, and I'd been deliberately not thinking much about it. But my walks took me past the city's outdoor sculptures and murals more often lately, and perhaps that was progress.

But it was only a matter of time before the peace was broken again. We were roused from our beds with news of another attack on a temple, this one at Sangravah.

The security measures Rhys had arranged for the priestesses left survivors this time, though not many. Once he left for the temple, I headed to the library, prepared to help with whatever the priestesses needed, just like before.

I'd expected to prepare more bodies for burial, but Mor walked in with an auburn-haired female wrapped in a blood-soaked cloak that was far too big for her.

"I healed her," Mor said, "but she needs someone to help her get settled."

I agreed to handle it, and the priestess turned at the sound of my voice. Her teal eyes were distant—haunted, really. More blood, hers or someone else's, had spattered on her face.

Clearing the mess away with magic wouldn't be enough for her to feel clean after whatever ordeal she'd just gone through—I knew that after everything Under the Mountain. I fetched a washcloth and basin and helped her clean off.

She didn't speak. And perhaps that was for the best—I had no idea what I would have said anyway. Later that night, I learned from another priestess that her name was Gwyneth Berdara and Hybern had slaughtered her twin sister during the attack.

As Catrin Berdara's name was read during the funeral service a few hours later, I decided it was finally time to stop avoiding my own sisters. Mortal lives were short, and in a hundred years, I'd regret not making the most of the time I had with them.

Even if I couldn't find the words to tell Nesta and Elain all the ways my life had changed since coming to Prythian, I'd go to the mortal lands tomorrow.

[eshithepetty]

EXCELLENT CHOICE to actually show ???%'s expressions a little instead of them just being a black void with white, blank eyes. Especially since we don't get their internal narration like we do in the manga. Gives a nod to the fact that this is a person, not just an unthinking entity,,, i love it

[ID: two screenshots of Unknown Percentage from season 3, episode 10 of Mob Psycho 100, where they're first shown to be glaring, teeth gritted, then raising their head, eyes widening in what looks like surprise. End ID.]

Also, anyone else get the sense that here, ???% was leaning in to Teru to check if..... well, maybe not if he's okay, but if he's alive at least? Whether or not that means they care for Teru's well being, I'm not sure, but I find it interesting. In the least, it does show that they are aware that they are hurting people, and not just doing it indiscriminately, so that's something.

[ID: a screenshot of Unknown Percentage eerily leaning over Teru, who is prone. End ID.]

In light of that, it's also interesting to consider exactly what ???% kept attacking Teru for then. This part is gonna get a bit long, though (as ???% is my childe and I have many a dozen thoughts about them), so I'm putting it under readmore.

(Also, there are gonna be manga spoilers on account of me getting way too deep into it, so beware !!)

[ID: a screenshot of Unknown Percentage, facing away from the viewer, looking up at the sky where Teru's bag is exploding where it floats. All the following images are screenshots as well. End ID.]

1 ) First thing first, ???% immediately destroys Teru's bag. I don't think there's much to this one, but you could consider this a sign of hypervigilance - they saw Teru drop something, and immediately went to destroy it, perhaps in fear that it was aimed for them. So it quickly becomes obvious, that ???% is quite distrustful.

[ID: In the first, Teru is in side profile, looking to an off screen Unknown Percent, saying, "I'm not sure what happened," and in the next image, he is facing front, his face still relaxed, but now illuminated by the white light of Unknown Percentage's powers, saying "but if I'd suffice, I'd be happy to lis-" then cutting off. End ID.]

2 ) Next, Teru says this, and ???% immediately gets angry... I think. The first part, the implication from Teru that 'something must have happened for you to act this way' is what annoys ???% more. Because to them, they're just finally acting as they've always wanted to.. This isn't a bad thing to them. And they're frustrated that Teru, this person that acted much like them not even that long ago, is looking to talk them out of it.

[ID: In the first, we see Mob's bouquet of flowers, Teru off screen saying "Oh, you bought flowers! That's great!". In the next, he's smiling as he says, "But it might be a little dangerous going as you are right now.". In the third, he is illuminated by that same light, only brighter, his hair sweeping back, his expression turning panicked. End ID.]

3 ) Now this one... manga readers will know, ???% wanted to see Tsubomi as much as Mob. And so Teru denying them that chance here... well, suffice it to say, they feel a bit rejected here. Reigen told Mob in the previous episode to show his 'true self'. And in ???%'s eyes, they are the true self. To let Mob simply continue on, lie to Tsubomi as they see it, and keep pretending ???% wasn't a part of him, as if they weren't the whole reason he was even still alive right now... ???% probably would find that unbearable.

[ID: In the first, Teru is frowning and sweating, saying, "You leave me no choice." In the next, the background behind him has turned an ominous purple, his expression intense, Unknown Percent's shoulder seen in the corner as Teru restrains them with his telekinetically powered scarf, and says "I'm gonna have to keep you restrained until your powers calm-". And in third, we see his vacant face, flying through the clouded sky, his noise slightly bleeding. End ID.]

4 ) Once again, Teru is denying ???% being a part of Mob, being Kageyama-kun, instead labeling them as just Mob's 'power'. Fitting for Teru, who just in this episode said, "[Kageyama-kun taught me], how important it is to accept yourself without any psychic powers." For Teru, accepting himself without his powers was essential, since he hinged his everything on them to an unhealthy degree. But to Shigeo, the opposite is true. And ???% has had enough of being restrained.

[ID: In the first, it's closed up on Teru's trembling hand, which he is clutching with the other, saying "Kageyama-kun...." The second image is a closeup of Teru's eye, slightly serious, as he says "Stop this. You should head home for the day." And third is a similarly composed closeup of Unknown Percent's eye, glowing a bright white against his shadowed skin, as Teru continues off screen, "It's for your own good." End ID.]

5 ) The same as in the third point, except this time, there's the added salt of Teru saying "It's for your own good", as if he even knows the slightest thing about ???%, and, by extension, about Shigeo (as ???% sees it). Logically, we know that it truly doesn't do Shigeo any good to let ???% just keep rampaging like this. But ???% doesn't. Feelings are often irrational. And in this case, ???% just feels scorned.

[ID: In first, it is closed up on Unknown Percent, them turning back to the flowers flying behind them, their mouth slightly open in alarm. Teru in the background is staring wide-eyed, aura glowing. In second, Teru is looking more serious, saying, "If I destroy those...". In third, it is focused on the flowers, Unknown Percent and Teru in the background, as the bouquet gets enveloped in Teru's powers, seemingly exploding. In fourth, it is closed up on Teru's gritted teeth, as Unknown Percent grips their hand around his throat, choking him. End ID.]

6 ) Once again, same as third point... ???% is very determined to do this one thing 'right'. The fact that Teru almost took that chance entirely away from them probably scares them. And, of course... there's the obvious parallels with the choking.... this follows Teru's little inner monologue about how Mob has changed him. So even though I am still undecided on whether this was an intentional act of revenge on ???%'s part or not, the narrative meaning of this is pretty clear... they are, as Mob said all that time ago, the same, in that Mob needs to deal with his feelings involving his powers just as Teru did.

[ID: In first, Teru is noticeably beat up, expression worn and concerned, as he asks, "Kageyama-kun, are you having some kind of episode?". In second and third, it pans the back of Teru's head across the screen to reveal more of Unknown Percentage, a he says "To think you, of all people, would go berserk and lose control of your powers...". In fourth, the background has turned to a splash of warm yellow, as Teru disjointedly smiles, points a finger at them and proclaims "I guess you're pretty average, too! I'm a bit relieved, honestly.". The fifth is a closeup of Unknown percent's eye, staring angrily. And the next, the lines shadowing them get more intense, and Teru in the background lets out a "No..." End ID.]

7 ) Whoooowgh,,, this part..... it's hard to hear, but ???% gasps a little after Teru calls them average. I think... this runs deeper than Shigeo's relationship to Teru and their collective view on a person's worth. I think, this traces way back to Reigen. When he told Mob, right after he hurt a loved one with strength beyond any 'normal' person all by accident, that he's 'just like everyone else'. That he's average. I think... this talk. Was instrumental to the born divide between Mob and ???%, just as the actual violent act was. Because how do you reconcile the fact that you're apparently just some normal, average, harmless little kid, with the fact that you can also kill people without even trying? While not even aware?

Reigen does say, after all, upon seeing this. Upon actually witnessing ???%, Mob's power in it's entirety, that he didn't know about this. He didn't know. He had no idea, and he was just speaking out of his ass about things he didn't understand... so while that advice did help Mob immensely in a lot of ways, people aren't wrong about that... I think. A lot of people are also missing that this advice Reigen gives isn't the full picture. That it is, just like everything about the conman, flawed. Just as Reigen influenced Mob positively, he was also one of the negative influences in his life, that led to this point. To Mob splitting himself in halves, and paying the price.

Everything and everyone, after all, has two sides to them.

[ID: First is a closeup of Teru's eyes, the background being a stark white, everything illuminated in a haunting red glow. His expression is horrified, he is bleeding from his nose, and someone in the background is yelling "Help!". In the second and third, Unknown Percentage turns to Teru wordlessly, as the people around them continue to shout "Look out!" and "Save me!". End ID.]

8 ) And you can see it here. The way ???% is staring at Teru, almost asking him, "Do you see it? What I am actually capable of? Is this really 'the average' you speak of?" because I have the feeling, Shigeo is tired of people brushing past his very real concerns of being more than capable of hurting people, to a disastrous extent. To deny he is different in any way, is to deny his capabilities are different, and that what he needs is different as well. He cannot go on living just as any other human without powers, or as any other esper even. Because although he is equal to everyone else on a human level, he is not the same as everyone. This desire to fit in, to not stand out, to not acknowledge his unique fears and desires and feelings, is the entire reason 'Mob' as a persona got constructed. And ???% is finally finding the chance to unravel all of it.

[ID: two shots framed from low perspective, the background being a cloudy, gray sky, as Unknown Percentage first looks down at an off screen unconscious Teru, then turns their back, beginning to walk away. End ID.]

It is meaningful, then, that after this, ???% just lets the people Teru saved float, and leaves the boy to lay on the ground, to continue on. It wasn't really their intention to hurt people just to hurt. They certainly don't care that much about their pain right now, either, but. It was for a point. It was all just to prove a point, to Teru, to the world. That they're not something to be stifled. That their desires deserve to be heard, too. And, more than anything... I think it was a way to get back at Mob, at this person that has shunned them all this time, and say - you think you're the only one who deserves to be happy? You think you can be happy, with me continuing to writhe underneath the surface, unacknowledged, like this? How long are you going to go on? How long, until I'm able to exist freely again? And how long, until you realize, that what happened 4 years ago, wasn't a fluke?

Because they're not the one who hurt Ritsu. It wasn't some otherworldy entity, this power that is inhuman and uncontrollable and unreachable. It was Shigeo. Shigeo, who is comprised of Mob, in all his desire for self control, and ???%, in all his desire for freedom. And only through them meeting together, can they fulfill both, and learn to not repeat those same mistakes.

Because Shigeo is human. And Shigeo is the protagonist of his own life. For better, for worse <3

[thatdeadaquarius]

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

..

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[sleepyjaneart]

WWE!Epic the Musical headcanon

Ever since I found this musical out back in July and Jorge's inspiration on fighting games, I've been nursing this idea for WWE headcanons and I need somewhere to vomit all my thoughts out. I have a couple of sketches and references and I'm putting it all under a readmore cause it might be long.

So this all started with Ruthlessness being an absolute BANGER and I love all the animatics that came of it! But I noticed that, in all of them, their Poseidon was always so ANGRY (which, duh) but I also interpreted that Poseidon was also having some vicious fun in a "watch this, I'm about to make this guy's life miserable lol" kinda way. Also, the chorus right at the start chanting Poseidon's name felt so much like one of those super dramatic, fireworks and crowd yelling, WWE entrances that my mind couldn't help but run with the idea.

(this is where I should clarify that I have never watched WWE or wrestling in any form in my life, though it has always looked fascinating to me. I am only going by what I know from cultural osmosis and it would be so cool if people more savvy could add in their ideas to this)

And as much as I wish I could say "I'll just make my own animatic ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ" the fact is that those are incredibly hard to do and I barely draw nowadays so... long text post it is!

So, I'm still playing around with Poseidon's design but I would like to keep it pretty simple. He's one of the major gods with some pretty straightforward domains, so he doesn't need a whole lot to show that he's lord of the seas and earthshaker. I like the idea that the lower in the god ladder it goes, the more work the godlings have to put to make their domain idea come across. Also, with this being WWE inspired, the outfits will look a bit more modern (picking Jorge's idea of more modern = more magical/god-like) but I also don't want them to look too out of place when facing mortals.

Taking inspiration from wrestlers like Mark Henry or athletes like Eddie Hall (especially the latter), I'm imagining a thickset, heavyweight fighter that looks like he could tap earth or water and it would send everything shaking.

The entire song is him talking shit at Odysseus so we need some Randy Savage vibes in there; maybe a big flashy coat and sunglasses to start when he first calls out Odysseus. Also, this immediately comes to mind at that part:

OHH-DYSSEUS OF ITHACAAA!

Do you know who I am?

And thinking of backgrounds and chorus; this is when the laestrygonians gather too so we would put them up as the audience to watch and cheer for their favourite champion and Poseidon is just constantly rilling them up.

He hurt MY SON! And what do we do to those who disrespect us!? (crowd boos)

(Polyphemus would be there with a "Poseidon is my dad" shirt, of course)

During the "POSEIDON!" chorus at the start, it would also be when the stage would be set: giant pillars raising from the water, connecting together to form a fighting ring, the crowd all gathered around it on the bay. A path also shaping towards the ring from where Poseidon stands as he struts through, waving his arms and hyping the crowd, listening in to the noise.

He doesn't even enter the ring right away, he just saunters around it. The first part is a one sided conversation that he's putting up more for the crowd than to Odysseus, him and his crew small and trapped in the middle of this bewildering scene. Eventually he enters and just knocks them around. These mortals are pathetic but they need to be made an example of and the crowd is eating it up.

And then at the "The line between naivete and hopefullness..." is when Poseidon allows some seriousness in as he's climbing up to one of the posts to then jump off for an elbow drop as he whispers "DIE".

And just when he thinks he's saving the best for last, he gets blown back against the chords, and sees Odysseus speeding out of the arena and out of sight. He leans back on the chords, anger and frustration through a smile.

Remember me...

Anyway it's 2am and while I have other characters I'd like to headcanon here, I'm tired and for all I know people think i'm insane for this. This idea bug wouldn't leave me alone and I hope putting it out there will help put it to rest. So If you read all this, thank you!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

This one is so long I'm putting most of it under a readmore to save your dash

Anonymous asked:

AITA for stabbing a kid?

(this is less Am I The Asshole and more Was I The Asshole, bc it's really just a story from high school that I - as an adult in my mid-20s - was remembering recently and thought could be fun to toss to The People in as objective of a form as I can. anyways, all names are 100% made up to replace actual names, and everybody involved ends the story safe and alive)

I (16ish F then, 20s NB now) was trying to prep for an upcoming speech and debate tournament (yes, I was insufferable as a teen) with a group of other students in our debate coach's classroom. specifically, I was working with a younger student, Tammy (14ish F then), on understanding this specific type of debate (LD for my fellow insufferable teens out there) and brainstorming with her on some of the main components of her own case. as we were trying to work, another student, Tony (15ish M then), kept butting in to pester Tammy, making it impossible for Tammy or me to focus. in hindsight, I'm like 74% sure Tony had a bit of a crush on Tammy in that moment and expressed that feeling by being an annoying little shit towards her (as teens often do). that was at least how I would characterize the general vibe of Tony's actions and how he seemed to really need Tammy to be paying total attention to him. from my perspective and based on my basically decade-long memory at this point, Tammy (maybe?) asked him to leave her alone. she at least seemed frustrated and annoyed with him, or just generally flustered in a way I read uncomfortable. (take all this with a grain of salt here bc, regardless of how Tammy really felt, I was for sure super annoyed and that fact would almost certainly impact my interpretation and memory of the situation.)

idk if any teen girls out there (former, current, or future) have tried to teach or learn while a teen boy is flirt-bugging you or the person you're with, but it got old real fast for me. so, almost immediately, I asked Tony to knock it off so me and Tammy could work. he refused and kept bugging her. I continued to tell him to quit and he continued to ignore me, and this went on for a while. so, as one does, I figured it was time to threaten him with physical violence. I told him that if he didn't back off and let Tammy work, that I would stab him.

now, to give a bit of context for what the fuck I was thinking in that moment, I had learned a particular lesson earlier in my time as a supposed teenage girl dealing with supposed teenage boys in the 2000s-2010s: don't make threats you aren't willing to follow through on. so when I threatened to stab him, I 100% meant it. to provide a tad more context, I did also have a bit of a casually violent streak in high school for this reason (but maybe those stories are for a different AITA submission at another time, but they were all in a similar vein as this one in terms of cause and severity). also, does it help or hurt to add this was in a rural public high school in Texas? either way. to be fair to Tony, that's still undoubtedly a deeply unhinged and disproportionate thing to actually do, but would be a semi-common hyperbolic empty threat to make as a teen to another teen.

as you can assume based on the title here, Tony did not quit despite these threats. so, true to my word, after us arguing back and forth for a bit more, I stabbed him in the arm with the pen I was holding. he was obviously upset (to be clear, it did hurt him but did not injure him to the best of my knowledge beyond leaving a light mark for a bit of time that afternoon*) and he complained about having been stabbed. I said I warned him repeatedly that I would stab him before I actually did, to which he replied that that was an insane thing to actually do (fair enough, ya know?). the teacher was in the room, but if she saw any of this she ignored it. tbh, I don't see how she could have not noticed a kid loudly complaining about having been stabbed by another kid. so, I assume she chose to ignore it, possibly bc I was a bit of a teacher's pet (ie. president of the speech and debate team she was the coach of (I told you I was insufferable)). actually, now that I think about it, that was not the only time I stabbed another kid in her classroom in almost identical circumstances... maybe we are both TA....

anyways, in conclusion:

reasons I think I'm NTA: he was being an annoying dick to the friend I was mentoring at the time, and I did warn him that I'd stab him if he didn't quit being an annoying dick several times before actually following through (and it was only with pen and did no serious harm, but I think it does still count as assault regardless (?) and also I love the classic AITA storytelling technique of Being Dramatic, so feel free to ignore this point and *any other times I brought up that he was ultimately okay when considering how you wanna vote).

reasons I think I'm TA: I mean... I fuckin' stabbed a kid just bc he was being annoying and I fully got away with it bc the teacher liked me, plus I was a repeat offender of doing lowkey violence like this in response to other kids being Kinda Annoying and Shitty™. pestering other people on purpose bc you possibly have a crush on them is a very normal thing for a teen to do. stabbing another teen with a writing utensil just bc they did so though?... perhaps not.

(also, as an endnote: just to be clear, I do not stab teens at all in any context whatsoever since growing up. out of AITA-writing-character here, I think I was a kid who was just sick of guys around me crossing boundaries and dealt with that in a myriad of very unhealthy ways that were also informed by my general redneck upbringing that - understandably or not - sometimes saw some violence as a valid way to assert personal boundaries if it seemed they weren't being respected. that doesn't make it okay and is not at all a defense against being TA in this story, just trying to assure folks that regardless of whether you think I was TA I am now also a somewhat well adjusted adult who at least channels their overwhelming fury into organizing/activism stuff and mutual aid rather than stabbing annoying teenagers. while this isn't some stressful conflict that I feel torn up about or anything even close to that, I am interested to see what folks think, so thanks for reading if the mod(s) found all this worthy of posting for y'all!)

What are these acronyms?

[neversetyoufree]

Looking back through the first couple volumes of VnC, it's wild how much of what Vanitas does in early chapters is nothing but a series of transparent attempts to put himself in control when he feels uncomfortable. You don't notice the first time you read it, or at least I didn't, but he's really quite obvious once you have the knowledge of what subjects he's sensitive about.

I've touched on this before, but I think Vanitas's biggest defense mechanism is theater, specifically playing up his own power/unpredictability in order to make everyone around him uncomfortable. "Vanitas" is a character that he plays, and he weaponizes that character against others when the man behind the act feels threatened.

(Now that we're under the readmore, here's your warning for a VnC-standard amount of discussion of sexual assault).

Even starting in his very first scene in chapter 1, when we've yet to see Vanitas get anywhere close to vulnerable or upset, we get a hint of how he operates. His first attempt to get Noé away from Amelia isn't to physically fight him—it's to play sinister and deliver a vague threat.

He could have gone straight for the knives, or he could have told Noé the truth that Amelia herself was dangerous and urged him to get away. But that's not the person Vanitas is. He doesn't talk things out with honesty, and he doesn't resort straight to violence unless he's really over the edge. He threatens and plays up his dangerous persona to get what he wants.

He even uses the very same line with the security guards later in the chapter, playing sinister again to escape arrest because he might be screwed otherwise.

He's pretty much never authentic pre-catacombs, but moments like this where he dials up the act to achieve something show how in control he is of his own inauthenticity. And he never takes advantage of that control more than when he feels threatened, be that threat physical (like the security guards) or emotional.

When Noé asks him about how he inherited the book of Vanitas in chapter 2, something we now know is a sensitive secret, Vanitas immediately changes the subject. He gets in Noé's space, acting borderline flirtatious (and he often does get flirty as part of his persona), then returns to the topic of Noé being his shield (which is an act in itself, given how he really reacts to being protected).

It takes one poke to the chest and a couple of sentences to switch the conversation from "Noé insists on knowing Vanitas's sensitive past" to "Noé has to deal with the mysterious, overbearing Vanitas's whims," which is just how Vanitas wants it. Playing up his demanding, in your face side buries the threat of an uncomfortable topic.

Then, when Dominique suggests that he worships the blue moon during the bal masqué, we get a much more extreme incarnation of this same behavior. Domi's words threaten to undermine a huge part of the narrative he's built for himself as Vanitas, and they do so by dredging up a truth that he wants desperately to keep buried. He might not worship the blue moon, but he really did love Luna, and being reminded of that throws a big wrench in the narrative of his revenge against them.

He cannot handle having his narrative undermined at this point, and especially not by a reminder of Luna, who is arguably the most sensitive part of his whole tragic backstory. So he freaks out, and freaking out for Vanitas means throwing himself into his false persona as hard as he possibly can. He grows sinister, speaking darkly before breaking into maniacal laughter that startles Dominique and her attendants. Then he hurls his constructed narrative into public view, revealing himself and ensuring that every vampire knows his claim of "wanting revenge."

Nobody's going to forget the human that leapt onto a chandelier in the middle of a ball, revealed himself to be the kin of the blue moon, then swore his vengeance against that very kin, and that means nobody else is going to misunderstand him like Domi and dredge up the truth: that he never really hated Luna.

Going manic and theatrical like this is a defense mechanism, and it's one that ensures not only that Domi stops hassling him, but that, hopefully, he'll never even have to consider worshiping the blue moon ever again. It's a total rejection of an idea that made him uncomfortable, achieved through theater. It also takes a situation that was quite out of his control, his being chained up by Domi, and turns it into a scenario that he engineered, where he is in absolute control of the crowd for at least a few moments.

The best example of all this though, the time when Vanitas combines every form of weaponized persona I've talked about into one awful act, is the scene in which he forces a kiss on Jeanne.

As I mentioned before, Vanitas often plays up his flirtatiousness as part of his persona. He does it with Jeanne quite often, and he does a (usually) subtler version of it with Noé a few times as well. It's a great way to change the subject and make throw people off their game without resorting to threats, and his treatment of Jeanne in chapter 4 is an extreme, but not too surprising incarnation of this same flirty habit.

He might be attracted to Jeanne, but attraction alone is not a reason to force a kiss on an unwilling stranger while ending a fight. Vanitas kissing her was, as much as any other moment I've referenced here, an instinct to protect himself and gain control of a situation that otherwise threatened him.

Winning the fight or not, Vanitas is in a tenuous position in terms of control when dealing with Jeanne. Jeanne is an incredibly strong opponent, and she managed to withstand both a bite from a curse-bearer and a direct stunning hit from the Book. Vanitas has played all of his cards, and his only insurance that she won't murder him immediately is Noé, a man he barely knows, successfully keeping Luca hostage without realizing that's what he's doing. These are not great odds. He's also extremely attracted to Jeanne, and though his initial attraction to her isn't nearly as distressing as his full-on infatuation in mal d'amour, being weak to the sight of her represents yet another loss of control.

Then Jeanne tries to sacrifice herself. She tells Vanitas he can do anything to her he pleases, so long she can protect the child she's devoted herself to watching over, and there is no way on Earth that this moment isn't a trigger for Vanitas, because he once did the exact same thing. He's already in an unsteady situation, and then she reminds him of Misha and his own darkest moments, which means that conversation has to end immediately.

"Please don't hurt him," is the last thing Jeanne says before Vanitas flips suddenly from threats to advances, and his face when he gets close to her is manic.

So when Vanitas gets uncomfortable, what does he do? He changes the subject wildly, suddenly making the whole situation about him and his fickle, unpredictable moods and unreasonable demands. He cranks up the character of the wild, demanding, show-stealing Vanitas to eleven. He kisses Jeanne. And even though it's a cliche line, the fact remains that sexual assault is never really about the sex. It's about power and control. Vanitas does wild things and plays up his persona as a clutch for control when he's uncomfortable, and this is that to an extreme degree. This kiss gives him the power in their interaction.

Plus, the specific bad memories that Jeanne unintentionally triggers for Vanitas are all about bodily autonomy. His own "do what you want to me, just don't hurt the kid" moment was protecting Misha in Moreau's lab, which led to physical violation after violation. It was a complete loss of his agency and autonomy. And his memory of Misha is also deeply tied to whatever happened with Luna's death, and given the possibility of his being made their kin without consent, that memory may also be one of the loss of autonomy.

This scene is Vanitas not just getting triggered, but being reminded of his loss of control and ownership of his body. It makes a twisted kind of sense that the resultant clutch for power and control comes via him forcing his body onto somebody else. He manufactures a situation that is all about bodily autonomy, but he has all of it and the source of danger has none. And he does it all while stealing the show and rerouting the topic as he always does.

Just like so many other actions he takes early in the series, his most reprehensible moment is just another desperate grasp at control. He has to be threatening and showy and unreasonable. He has to be the kind of man that announces himself as savior to a room full of powerful enemies. The kind of man can force himself on a powerful woman like Jeanne. Because if he doesn't drive home the act well enough, somebody might gain access to the horribly vulnerable person underneath.