#i put the b in lgbtqia

[performing-personhood]

This PostSecret isn't mine, but it could've been - until recently.

Look, I'm a cischick married to a cisman. We have a house and two cars and a couple cats, he's a professional, I'm staying at home working through my nervous breakdown. We live a VERY heteronormative life, which can cause some distress for an overthinker like me who's spent their life smack in the middle of several social spectra*.

*(My body type is midsized, which is a concept that didn't exist until the 2010s. I'm quick and intelligent, but not highly educated. I have some learning difficulties but not enough to pathologize. I was homeschooled, but I was also raised an atheist. I'm neurodivergent and have several mental illnesses but I can mask effectively. I'm attracted to basically everybody on the gender spectrum, but I'm grey-ace. This Middleness has been a lifelong problem for me.)

So even though I'm queer and my husband also identifies as queer, I just figured there wasn't anything "extremely different" enough about us to be.... idk, qualified for entry to the LGBTQIA+ community. Like maybe communities are built for people that "can't pass" and because he and I can pass, we'd be taking up space that wasn't really intended for us.

And you know what, maybe that's true - it certainly was in the 90s and 00s when I was growing up, for many excellent reasons that I deeply respect. But the (maybe only) great part about growing up is seeing younger people make changes we couldn't. The young people are dissolving the boundaries of spectra, throwing open gates and inviting everyone. Bless them all.

So it wasn't until this year when I joined Tumblr that I learned about the concept "bi for bi."

Which is such a clever way to headcanon queerness into media with very hetero representation, and if that had been a thing when I was a teenager my fanfic would have looked VASTLY DIFFERENT. But you know what else it's good for?

Validating the subtle queerness of my personal life. It makes me feel like the fact that he and I easily pass as straight but are actually pretty fucking gay is something of a titillating secret. (Secret is the wrong word, we aren't closeted, it's more of a "we'll tell you if asked, we're just not sure it matters" situation and idk a better word for that.) Like there's something quietly exotic and exciting that you'd never know about otherwise. The same vibe as wearing decadent lingerie under a simple clothing.

So, thank you for that. It's really a neat feeling.

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

Intersex dragon!!

[yourlocalbreadenthusiast]

Kindly take a break from scrolling to read this, it's important.

Take your time to grieve and come to terms with the election results, but once you've done that, it's time to get to work. We have two months. And a lot to do in that time. We have to prepare, to be ready.

Be careful about what you post or say online. Anything potentially incriminating should be avoided. Threatening language, even if clearly a joke, can be used against you.

Know someone who's trans? Someone who's had an abortion? Someone who's LGBTQIA+? Someone who's an immigrant? Someone who attends protests? Someone who's disabled? Someone who might in any way be at risk due to laws being put into place? No you don't.

Move away from social media platforms and browsers that require you to use your real identity or input a large amount of personal information. Now's a good time to find alternate means of communicating online. Tails, Element, Tor, Mastodon, Firefox, and Lemmy are all decent options.

Find a community. Someone you can talk to, either online or in real life, that you'll have reliable contact with. We need to try and create a network, but one that's as anonymous as possible.

Start scrubbing your trail as much as possible. Get rid of old accounts that can still be traced to you but are no longer used, delete personal data off the internet. There are websites out there that will freely remove your data from the internet, but be careful about which one you use, make sure it's safe and legitimate first.

Change any usernames that you can that contain any personal information. Names, birthdays, anything.

Plan B has a four year shelf life. Stock up, but don't take more than you you'll need. We don't want a COVID repeat where everyone buys an excessive amount of things and leaves none for everybody else.

There are doctors that will sterilize you, if that's the way you want to go.

Stop using online period trackers right now. Delete all data from it if possible first, then delete the app itself. If you must, write it down, but in a subtle manner and on something you keep at home. Don't label it, just put the dates. If you're really worried, discard older records and only keep the most recent few, and label the dates as other random events, like "go to mall" or "chicken salad for dinner this night"

Get your vaccines now.

Save money.

Archive. We have to start collecting records, media, data, books, and articles now. On racism, on fascism, on homophobia, on gender, on self-reliance, on survival, on safe travels routes, on equality, on justice, on anything that may be useful and/or censored soon. We can't let them erase it.

Collect those online resources. Bookmark them, copy files into your storage, Screenshot pages. Create a decentralized library where everyone is working to be part of a whole, storing what they can individually and sharing it between one another. Again, be careful about doing this.

Second-hand bookstores are your best friend. Books are usually very cheap in them, and they often have a decent stock. See what you can find.

When buying ANYTHING I have mentioned above, or anything else that maybe put you in danger, try to use cash to reduce your spending trail.

Check your car information online, many newer models can be remotely tracked.

Turn your phone completely off if you may be at risk due to your location and current activities. Turning off your GPS also helps.

Take note of where you are. Who are your friends? Who's a safe person? Where can you go besides your own home that you know you'll be safe? Establish these connections now.

Who around you is not safe? Who and where do you need to avoid? Do you need to move? If you cannot afford moving but need to, there are fundraisers that can help you. If even that is not an option, at least try to make sure your home is secure. Have someone who can help you. Have a fallback safe place.

And finally, I want anyone with resources to put them in the replies. Flood it with useful links, information, tips, anything. We're in this together. Do not panic. Organize.

EDIT: Please be civil in the replies.

[schattenhonig]

The A in LGBTQIA+ doesn't stand for aspec because they're not repressed!

(please read the disclaimer at the end of this post)

Ummm, excuse me? Would you mind telling me what your definition of repression is, then?

Because I feel repressed when a doctor asks me about my sex life, and if I say I have none, it gets marked down as a symptom without being asked if I suffer from it.

I feel repressed when my gyn tells me I can't get a hysterectomy yet despite losing so much blood on every period that I need to take iron supplements all the time, because I could change my mind about not wanting children (which is a whole other post, I know, but it's most likely linked to sex).

I feel repressed if I can't use dating apps or platforms because my sexuality doesn't even exist there, and the one time I tried, I got called names because I didn't want to meet for because it was clear where this date would go, despite my explicit "what I'm looking for".

I feel repressed when I think about how recently a paragraph was finally abolished in my country that considered sex a vital part of a marriage, basically entitling the spouses to having sex with their partner (both gender neutral, because entitling people to having sex with somebody else by law is wrong. It's basically a rape permission).

I feel repressed when I can't watch any film or show without it being about love and/or sex, no matter if it fits the narrative and furthers the plot.

I feel repressed when I plot my own stories and automatically put a romantic couple in there as main characters, even though I have no idea why this would be important for the plot. Not even my own stories, my own thoughts are mine.

I felt repressed when I was asked accusingly in a relationship if I wasn't missing something before I even knew asexuality as a spectrum was a thing, and having to lie about this being a side effect of my medication instead of genuinely not feeling attracted to someone in this way.

I feel repressed when I can't tell people I'm not sexually attracted to them because they will take this personally no matter how well I explain myself.

I feel repressed when everywhere I look there's advertising relying on naked skin, suggestive posing and objectification. Why are expensive cars still presented by women considered beautiful and tempting? It's not like that's necessary to convince people of spending so much money on a thing that gets you from A to B. Couches with women in smart dresses and high heels. That's not what a normal person looks like on a couch. But the worst is a truck in the town where I live: it's from a small fruit and vegetable stand, so whenever I see it, it comes from the warehouse, delivering groceries. On it is a woman clad in very little, presenting fruit. I'm sorry, but why? Does a misogynistic picture convince you of the necessity to avoid scurvy?

I feel repressed when I tell people and get the answer "you just haven't found the right person yet", because there are two possible assumptions from that point: I'm either not trying hard enough (so it's basically my own fault) or something about me is not right, appalling even (which circles back to I'm not trying hard enough or frames me as a victim of my genetics, upbringing or circumstances to be pitied).

Do not tell me how I feel. Do not try to tell me everything is fine and I shouldn't complain or ask for acknowledgement if everywhere I look, I'm reminded of how odd, how weird and how not normal I am. How much it inconveniences you to even acknowledge my existence, let alone respect any of my traits, views and choices.

And while I can only write from my own asexual point of view, I wrote this with all kinds of flavours of aspec in mind, so I'm explicitly including aromantics, aroace people and every shade of the spectrum in this. Not all my examples may apply to you, but I hope you can find something to relate to.

ETA: please feel free to add your own experiences of repression!

[delusional-fantasising]

Yall so far with anything I drop Mirage x Noah related. Since its June 1st why not smear the queer.

Mirage and Noah's intimacy moment headcannons

Warning: 🔞 NSFW 🔞

Noah: He was very unsure one how to do it for the first time with Mirage since he only been with humans not an alien 3 times his size. He also usually dated women so he had no experience with men since he was kinda in denial but was aware he was attracted to dudes. He secretly puts the B in Lgbtqia+

Mirage: He puts the G in Lgbtqia+, he loves men but he was a bit stunned realising he liked Noah who was a human not Cybertronian. But to him, game is game. He loves Noah differences aside but he was also scared for Noah's safety since Mirage was very much bigger than his human companion.

How they do it: Their first time was very intimate and slow yet at the same time unserious with Mirage having to be careful and being the bottom which he usually wasn't in his past relationships. Mirage definitely played some music when made Noah laugh when Careless Whisper started blasting. There was a lot of jokes lightening up the mood but aside that it was very sensual and safe.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hey, not to be a downer during pride month but I am really struggling with accepting that I am probably aromantic. At this moment of my journey into accepting myself it just feels like I got robbed of something that the majority of people get to experience and I guess I am just grieving that.

Maybe someone has some experience or knows of ways to tackle this feeling. <3

Don't feel bad for struggling, Anon. Some people have a hard time accepting their identity, but it's very normal. It's also OK to mourn the identity or life you thought you would have. And it's OK to take time to grieve.

I think aromanticism can be especially hard to accept sometimes because as a culture we often get inundated with the messaging that romance/romantic love, etc are a very important if not the most important thing in our lives.

So my first bit of advice would be unlearning that messaging. It helps that it's not true, romance and romantic partners are a thing people have found meaning and fulfilment in but it's A. not something everyone finds these things in, including alloromantic people, B. it's not the only thing people find meaning and fulfilment in, and C. It's not the always the most important thing people find meaning and fulfilment in.

In real life people are diverse and where we find fulfilment, what has meaning in our lives, etc. varies from person to person. There's no one size fits all, or no one path we have to follow to find happiness and meaning. For some people that path is romance and kids, etc. For others the answers may be in following a passion, working for a cause, seeking out spiritual fulfilment, making different types of connections, or many other things.

It's also important not to put romance on a pedestal. This can cause problems even for alloromantic people because it creates unrealistic expectations and puts of a lot of pressure for people to be in a romantic relationship even if the relationship may not be great. It's important to know and understand that romance isn't necessary to be happy and fulfilled even if it may still be important to certain people.

Also while being aromantic may feel restricting, on another level it's also an opportunity to figure out what you do like or want. Some aros do still enjoy romance, or romance in some contexts. Some aros are more averse to romance, but still want some type of life partner like a QPR. Some aros would rather be single, but have another life path they want to follow or care about. It can take time to figure out what feels right for you, but it can be fun to explore and learn about yourself too.

My third bit of advice is seek out other aros. This can be as easy as following aro accounts and people who identify as aro on social media. It can be seeking out communities, either online or offline (some local lgbtqia+ chapters can also be useful for this), it can be seeking out media with aro characters (there's a decent amount of books and podcasts with aro characters too you can easily find through searching). People are social creatures, and finding people like us and people comfortable being like us can go a long way to helping us feel at home in our own skin too.

This is a lot, don't feel like you have to work through everything you're dealing with right away. Remember that there's also usually a gap between knowing something logically and feeling it emotionally. These things take time to process. So take your time, mourn if you need to, and go at your own pace.

Hopefully this is helpful. But if you have more questions or want anything clarified, don't be afraid to send in another ask.

All the best, Anon!

[damnfandomproblems]

Response to 5851 and replies:

Anyone wanna tell me why no one disputes "gay" as an objective neutral description when that has DEFINITELY been used as an insult, and based on this site's age demographic, almost certainly used as an insult FAR more frequently than "queer"? Is that what's gonna be next up on the chopping block? Gay people can't be called gay, they'll have to go instead by some corporate slop sounding acronym like "SGAP (Same Gender Attracted Person)" or something?

I get that "LGBT" / "LGBT+" / "LGBTQIA" and its variants are considered the most palatable term these days, I strongly dislike it though. Every time I hear it to me it just sounds like someone got peer-pressured into lukewarm acceptance but is still so squeamish about our existence that they're only comfortable referring to us euphemistically. "LGBT" is "sure, we'll put a gay couple in our paper towel commercial!"

Queer also sounds more natural conversationally, it's just a neat, one-syllable description --"He's tall." "He's blond." "He's queer." "L-G-B-T" is awkward and clunky by comparison, and gets even more so the longer you extend the acronym in an effort to avoid sounding exclusionary, whereas "queer" is an umbrella that already covers every possible nuanced variant, including those whose identities can't be easily sorted into neat little boxes, without the suggested undertone of "okay but what TYPE of gay are you actually? So I can play 20 questions interrogating your identity to decide if you're one of the ones I respect or one of the ones I don't."

It feels like the same conversation as "don't say 'black' that's racist, you're supposed to say 'African American'" when in reality most black people have no issue with being described as black, and treating it like a bad no-no word just makes it sound like you don't actually know any black people.

762594261147484160 -- Sure, I'll play your game.

Some people may be okay with LGBT+, Call me it and I’ll be very angry, regardless of your tone or intent. I detest that phrase, full stop. I'm queer.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[xx-ace-raccoonz-xx]

Sharing my Aspec Experience

When I was a teenager (circa 2013-2015), I initially did not identify as asexual. Simply put it, I thought I was just a heterosexual girl who was just celibate or not interested in intercourse.

However, one day in October of 2015 when I was 15, I was watching a video by a cartoon-reviewer YouTuber and it got to the part where he mentioned he was "asexual". So, I got curious and searched up the definition of that word. At that moment, though I had my doubts, it all started coming together. Perhaps I was doubting it because at the time, I was also active in the furry fandom (and still am), and that crowd is known for being a bit...promiscuous in certain circles.

As time marched on, all of the doubt began to fade away as more of my friends started having sexual relationships and getting married. Eventually, I found out about the word "aromantic" and realized that this fit me, as well. As a younger ace, I unfortunately started out as more sex-negative and think that I had no business being in the LGBTQIA+ Community (despite the "A" being there and standing for asexual, aromantic, agender, and possibly ally). However, I gradually became more sex-positive as I got older, albeit a bit repulsed by the idea of myself having it. I also realized that I kinda do fit in the Community (as much as certain people like to exclude anything past the "T" or sometimes the "B".) XD

Thankfully, a lot of the little aphobia I have experienced has been online, with only one possible case of it IRL (a friend telling me that I might just be a "late bloomer" and that "I'll find someone that I'm attracted to"). A lot of people that have found out IRL were actually pretty cool with it (perhaps because the area of the Appalachian Mountains I live has a lot of genuinely nice people who may also be LGBTQIA+).

TL;DR: I think I have always been aroace, but I simply didn't figure out the terms for it until my mid-teen years.

[hugduckhesgay]

About Fluffybird, what do you think about the ship? What is your opinion and analysis about the relationships between the two?

righto heheh let's crack into these chuddy Ds--

tldr; fluffybird is the purest ship and it would be great if it became explicitly canon

first of all, I think the creators shipped fluffybird before they saw all the fanart! Duck and Red Guy's interactions even in the webseries have sweetness, and can be perceived as a suggestion of romance. Though these interactions could be platonic as well, the possibility of romance is there, and that's all any slow-burn romantic storyline starts as. maybe one day i'll list those telling moments, but that's a lot of work. lol. Back to the creator's shipping, idk, that's just speculation, but I think they easily had a fondness for red guy and duck's brand of affection for each other.

There are random moments that are just so shippy. I think these have all been pointed out by other ppl. Duck painting Red Guy as Red Guy stands like that?

c'mon. The fact that they both want to be the dads? why put that idea in our heads? When red guy says his fav color is medium brown and duck's eyes are MEDIUM BROWN? I like to think that everything the creators have chosen to do is intentional and serves some kind of purpose other than comedic value... could be wrong there, but it's what I'd like to think. oftentimes the jokes have meaning behind them after all.

As for their dynamic, it is really interesting and nuanced! I don't rly see any hate between them, tho there ain't nothin wrong with liking the "divorced" dynamic. what I think is that they are made unaware of the feelings they have for each other. The 3 are constantly in a state of disorientation. I've seen people say that the fridge scene is one of the only times they get close to voicing their genuine thoughts and feelings without being controlled in some way, and I agree. however, when it comes down to it, duck displays great attachment to red guy, always looking at him for protection or initiative, wanting to be a family with him, etc. for red guy, well, we all saw what happened when duck died. he lost his damn mind, and he didn't expect to. it's like, as I said, he has feelings for duck that he isn't conscious of.

i have a bad silly theory that duck and red guy were in love and together before they became puppets or something lol. i dunno, it's possible for all we know.

now i want to address the arguments against having red guy and duck having a canon romantic relationship ((and it seems like very few people seem to have arguments! this fandom is fluffybird all over<3). it sucks, but i feel like most of these arguments are charged with homophobia or just romance shaming. romance is already present in the show, and it's all been cishet (superficially. B nice if chars came out as trans canonically? Lol). Yellow and Speshul One, Yellow and Clair. Regardless of context, romance is already present, and why does no one get upset about it? Because it's cishet, i'd argue. no one even notices it. now these are obviously satirical presentations which i thank god for, but it's still there.

we also already have tender moments between the three main guys. people might argue that 'why can't two guys just be friends?!?!' yeah, they can, and they are across 99% of media. is 99% of portrayals not enough? there is so little lgbtqia+ content that this argument is just ridiculous.

there's the argument that romance would 'ruin' the show somehow. sounds like an internalized problem to me tbh. adding romance wouldn't detract from the existing elements of friendship; it would embellish that, presenting a unique relationship that does not conform to the restrictive standards of society. (this would not be the case for a cishet romance, though I won't go into that.)

if people have a problem with fluffybird, I think they really gotta ask themselves why, really question where those feelings of discomfort are coming from. it's not like i'm asking for a nsfw scene. i think red guy and duck would have a romantic love language that is completely unique, like their confession to each other in the fridge scene. The way this show subverts tropes and makes things so weird, it would be so cool to see how it handles a genuine romance. I imagine it would be cuddly and lots of sweet words to each other, like what they do now but more explicit in that it is romantic love.

Anyway fluffybird is the purest ship I ever

[torque-witch]

Getting Back into Witchcraft - 10/30/23 - Who Can Use Witchcraft?

Literally anyone can use witchcraft. Simple as that.

But, for the sake of (me) delving back into witchcraft, let's talk about the historical and relevant point of this idea - that witchcraft has primarily been used as a tool of the oppressed, undermined, marginalized, chronically ill, mentally ill, poor, othered, etc. This includes various cultures and indigenous practice (where referred to by these groups as such).

While it is somewhat difficult as just someone on the internet to find specific examples of this, it shouldn't be a surprise that the constant onslaught of government control, societal conservatism, religious colonialism & imperialism, the wiping out of various cultures, the entirety of the feminist and lgbtqia+ movement around the world - provokes ordinary people to disconnect from the norm in order to find peace, power and to fight back in ways that money and class can't afford them, because it often isn't accessible.

One example of course is the spell that was cast by Gerald Gardner and his group of witches in an attempt to keep Adolf Hitler at bay in the 40's. Whether you believe that it actually made a difference or not, it represents a time when people were so incensed about injustice and protecting their land, that they chose to conjure a defense mechanism built out of pure will and theory.

(Barring of course the very real criticism of Gardner, this is just an example we can use)

*And important note though in regards to this story, is that Gardner also volunteered as an air raid warden and provided some weapons as a part of tangible defense. In the same way, I think it's important to recognize that -

a) Being a witch implies that you are at odds with society, and you need to participate in activism in real life, and

b) doing so only increases the likelihood of your spells to work because you've already put energy into tangible actions

We will definitely talk about that idea more under the topic of spellcrafting, but I think it's important to recognize that being a witch is inherently political and socially at odds with the mainstream. It seems like as witchcraft becomes more acceptable and watered down, people do and will tend to ignore this for the sake of false positivity, love and light etc. But if we are using witchcraft as a tool to better ourselves or to protect ourselves from negativity, we should also be using it to do that for those around us that are disadvantaged or targeted.

Another point is that especially in the 00's, as we've learned about how dangerous covens can be, especially for women, that connection within the witchcraft community is becoming harder and harder to cultivate. People are wary, weary and there is always the looming risk of white supremacy leaking into our circles. So it is even more important to be knowledgeable about politics, dog whistles, scams, cults and about what sexual abuse can entail. At the end of the day, it is more dangerous for you to be uninformed and avoiding all negativity. Knowlege is what gives you protection and power.

On a related note - although there is still a big social implication that witches can only be women and a lot of the violence has been targeted at women, it is historically incorrect and factually incorrect that only biological females (ew) can practice witchcraft. That's not even considering that most of the original texts on witchcraft were written by men because women were either not allowed to be authors or had a very hard time accessing education or support in that sense. This contributed historically to afab people having to practice in seclusion or private and being demonized while men had an easier time sharing their own ideas. *Some people tend to think that this further justifies men being barred from being welcome in witchy spaces - and there are valid concerns - but at the end of the day that's enough proof that men, women and anyone in between can participate in occult practice and study it. I think it's also fair to say that while gender isn't a true factor in being able to cast spells, it can certainly shape your practice in an individual sense, and there are lessons to be learned from anyone who practices regardless of gender, or because of it!

Then comes the great debate -

Is "witch" a gender neutral term?

And yes, I think in 2023 we have come to the conclusion that it is - that witchcraft transcends gender - but there are always alternatives for those that may not feel comfortable with the social implications of gender that come with that term, or similarly Wizard or Warlock.

For that we can use practitioner, magician, mage, sorcerer, enchanter, occultist, (insert sect here)-mancer, etc.

I'm not sure if it's still used widely, but at one time "Wix" was also introduced as a non-binary version of Witch and is totally acceptable.

So, let's end this off with another Tarot reading!

Who can practice withcraft - The Hermit, Reversed

Personally I feel like the connection here is the idea that isolating and gatekeeping the practice of witchcraft in regards to gender is limiting and harmful to the overall potential of knowledge available to us. Becoming so bent on a single idea or belief can be harmful and limits us as a community and a resource of power, and putting yourself (or your gender) above others when it comes to access doesn't gain you any favors or special privilege. We can all walk individual paths within witchcraft, but closing off the experience as a whole is harmful.

Is being a witch inherently political - 10 of Pentacles

This makes me think about the dynamic that the oppressed and underserved are constantly at odds with - the desire and fight to have the same resources as those with generational wealth, access to healthcare, access to education, even having access to community in general. A critical point of witchcraft is to put control back into our hands where society or global power has taken away that luxury. The 10 of pentacles represents all of that, and how that wealth of knowledge and even tangible wealth spreads out to our communities when we actually foster that kind of environment. To me, witchcraft is a path for a lot of people to build safe spaces and thriving communities while under a much larger pretense of control.

What gives a witch power - The Wheel of Fortune, Reversed

The Reversed Wheel represents confusion and the inability to predict the future; it is a feeling of being out of control. So consequently, what gives a witch power is the ability to flip the card and produce clarity, bold decisions and wrangling all of the ways that the world throws you off. This could be through personal inner work, breaking generational curses. This could be through building up your own confidence and trusting your intuition. This could be through calling on various other powers and taking problems head on in unconventional ways. Just because the world is spinning in a different direction doesn't mean that you cannot find and cultivate a personal balance by tapping into your own power. Witches are path makers. Where there is none, a witch's power is to make one.

It's not a competition.

There it is. There is no point in trying to put yourself higher than others when it comes to witchcraft. It is a personal tool and experience, and people unlike you practicing it doesn't make you any less able to reach your goals. It is for everyone.

Be sure to visit Death's Head Divination for Tarot readings, pagan statuary, stickers, prints and more! Subscribe to an e-mail list here at the bottom of the page Insta | Tiktok | Blog

[performing-personhood]

I love what you young people are doing with gender these days.

Today I would like my gender to be That One Really Warm Sunny Spot On The Floor That You Go Stand In To Warm Up Chilly Toes.

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

i feel so called out by the commuter student who can't drive bc even though i can my anxiety refuses to let me drive on the highways 🙃

Let the all kill begin, just to condense things (and reduce the post spam lmfao I'll put screenshots here AHAHA

Anyway no yeah, Rose, like I be telling everyone if you're not going to live on campus you have to get your license because I mean it when I say you almost can't do shit without it esp cuz clubs meet after classes end. Like, I couldn't actually drive to uni until I was in my junior year and even then since I was new I feared for my life that first year!

Honestly a slight TMI but I remember at the time when my parents told me that I was in middle school. My best friend at the time just came out as bisexual and our parents were close, so her parents would tell mine that they were hoping it was just a phase (it wasn't) and also at that time I think anti-lgbtqia+ tensions were so high where we lived so when my mom told me that, of course, at the time I felt so betrayed by her because she had various family members in the community. But looking back at it in hindsight, I get it. If I was her, I don't know how I'd protect my young child, who was barely entering her teens, from a society that already hated who she was because she was a racial minority.

When I finally came out to my mom like a few months ago she straight up told me she wasn't surprised because of my fashion choices LMFAO Converse, Skinny Jeans, and Flannels (so many of them)

NO BECAUSE LIKE one of the things I was going for was to accentuate OC's relationship with Somi by making her relationship with her parents so tense. Everyone talks about car ride convos, but the tension between OC and her dad in that scene was my attempt at some narrative to kinda sorta ostracize her from her parents. And true to life, I can't tell my dad anything LMFAO

You think you know them and suddenly you find out the Mitochondria isn't just the powerhouse of the freaking cell

Me getting blackout drunk and/or fucking railed at parties while my parents tell everyone how studious I am 🤩

do as i say and not as i do

NO CUZ I WATCHED TOY STORY AND SUDDENLY I COULDN'T GIVE UP ANY OF MY TOYS toy story 3 fucked me up fr fr

ALSO NO DONT APOLOGIZE I LOVE INBOX SPAM speaking of you dropped a few things while i was gone i should go binge those soon 👀

Dude NO studying gets done in those rooms my most vivid memory was me explaining how tf dp works to my friends who both (a) asked and (b) didn't get the concept for some reason-

Then we trauma dump about past relationships it's perfect-

NO REST FOR THE WICKED DFJSHDFJHDF like just call them exams at that point. They're not a midterm if they're multiple of them 😭

I used to say fucking anything to get my motivation up before the exam HAAHAHAHA

It's true, the trauma bonding really helps too

Had to tie it in somehow. Another TMI but I gave mine away recently, I had like this weird manic depressive episode so I buried it in a box we were going to send off to GoodWill. Not to be dramatic, but it hurt looking at it.

You're welcome, love, I sobbed too-

But fr though I meant it when I say I went through a ride writing this fic, and there's just so much more that we did together, me and the girl I based this off of, that I left out that I almost feel like how I wrote her here didn't do her justice. But like, it's fine. (me crying at god awful hours in the morning)

[pretty-demiboy]

TW: Sort-Of Transphobia

this is a lot less light-hearted than my usual posts but i needa vent somewhere and my other blog is more bleh sooo...

idk, i was jst thinking bout terfs, transphobes and my mother today as well as jst a lot in general cause my mum and i have been having... well, not rlly conversations, more like her saying 'oh ur my daughter, always have been' and me being too scared of conflict to disagree with her. she knows what i am and all, like im out, but yk how it is with parents. they are passive-aggressive, love the old u too much and can think of rlly gaslight-y/guilt-trippy arguments. today she sent me a ss of an article explaining the origin of my deadname and sorta hyped it up with a caption along the lines of 'love u my little shapeshifter' (for context my deadname is a goddess who shapeshifts which like BADASS but also yk) and ik its like i shouldnt even be complaining about it cause she's not abusive and loves me and all but like... idk. it felt bad. she's more accepting than my dad but still yk having a transgender child is hard. she doesnt want her baby girl to rlly be a boy, and she's a non-aggressive terf and shit. idek if ill be demi for the rest of my life, its prolly jst a phase and shit cause i dont get much dysphoria but its still pretty upsetting in a way. i mean, i got into an argument w/ my sis abt micro-aggressions and whether or not they're harmful and i didnt explain it vry well (my sis is also openly transphobic despite being bi) and like it started when i tried to tell my lil bro not to say smt abt women, idk it was like stereo-typing or smt like that but he's only seven and i wanna help him grow up to be accepting unlike the kids in my school, but my sis... well. yk. and it sucked that i couldnt put into words how harmful micro-aggressions are without her making me feel fking sensitive or smt, and it sucked when my mam and stepdad acted like i was making a fuss over nothing, when its not nothing, its my whole fucking life. but my sis acts like im being a child cause yk, transphobic, like our dad, so. idk, its jst rlly fking shitty. i thought i was accepting of my identity but ppl keep making me second guess myself and my beliefs concerning basic human rights. it sucks so much. i shouldnt feel afraid of even expressing my opinion that trans women arent predators, or feel scared to tell my mam that atm i am a boy (technically i am, i think she'd have a stroke if i tried to explain what demi is xD) despite her being prolly the most supportive person in my close family. ppl shouldnt have to feel this way abt literally the most basic part of their identity. its jst not fair, and it sucks. idw feel like idw be queer, cause being queer is beautiful and the community is amazing, but sometimes i jst get so fking tired, and thats w/ me being in a lot more accepting family and community than most ppl. if i wasnt demi & biromantic i wouldnt be me, and i know that for sure, but sometimes i cant help but think of how easy it would b to jst be cishet, at least for shit like this. its pride month and i cant even b proud of who i am rn. its easy when im w/ my friends or watching an ot/click/jamie vid, but when im alone or w/ my family i jst... i hate it sm. if i wasnt queer, maybe a lot of my problems wld go away. if i wasnt queer, maybe id feel accepted at school and w/ family. if i wasnt queer, maybe id love myself a little bit more.

idk, its jst fking hard, especially when ppl say the lgbtqia+ community is like being unreasonable or dramatic or some bullshit like that, when they dont have to feel everything that we feel on a daily fucking basis. ive been so lucky with me being bi (practically everyone in my family is accepting of lgb) its jst my gender and asexuality thats causing problems, and if i cant even handle a little bit of discrimination that isnt even real discrimination, i cant imagine what its like for ppl in aggresively homophobic and transphobic environments. it makes me want to kms and hms when i think of all the ppl getting treated less than human or sinners or anything like that jst cause they arent smt that they are supposedly born to be... god, fking terfs and bigots make me sick, man. even the gaslighting and micro-aggressions are jst so disgusting. im so sorry to everyone dealing with discrimination. i wish i could help u somehow. i wld do anything to make this shit stop. jst know that i and others in our community love you so much even if atm it seems like no one else does.

[fandomsoda]

Do you have a shorted version of your DNI and blog rules because I'm fucking stupid and can't read all that. So sorry if there was a shortened version and I didn't see it :(

Pardon, but I don’t shorten my DNI, what’s on there is on there. But I can try to summarize it/put it in an easier to read format.

Do Not Interact if you are any of the following:

-If your primary blog/the blog you interact from is nsfw/kink related -A racist of any kind -Anti-Palestine -Bigoted against certain religions -Queerphobic in some way/exclude any part of the LGBTQIA+ acronym -Against neopronouns and/or xenogenders -Against “contradictory labels” (mspec-mono identities, lesboys, etc) -MAP/zoo/supporter of acting on any harmful paras -Against non-harmful paras (objectum, etc) -Pro/com/dark ship or a supporter of those things -If you police/bash non-abusive ships or try to label people as pro/com/dark shippers when they aren’t -Pro-harassment, that shit is unproductive and doesn’t help. -Ableist -Against educated self-diagnosis -Stigmatize Cluster-B disorders (NPD, BPD, ASPD, etc) or any disorder for that matter -Against otherkin/fictionkin/therains/any other alterhuman identity -If you’re against and/or sexualize age/pet/animal regressor/dreamers -Fakeclaimer of any kind -If you’re against all endogenic systems (This rhetoric is what stopped us from discovering ourselves for a long time. Get out.) -If you deny or invalidate anyone’s good-faith identity in any other way

Basically: be appropriate, don’t be a bigot, don’t support abuse, don’t be a dick, that’s it. I hope this was more succinct. If you have any questions or need any definitions, feel free to ask.

As for my blog rules/pinned I’ll try to sum up the more important things here:

Ask permission to use my art.

Do not put my characters in tournaments/polls, especially without my consent. (And no, I don’t participate in nor host art competitions, they make me uncomfortable.)

No inappropriate comments towards myself or others on my blog will be tolerated, there’s a difference between joking and being creepy.

If I upset you/I fucked up, please let me know since I can guarantee it’s not on purpose. I can’t promise a response if you just send something in on anon, but if you send me a DM or something I’ll do my best to talk if you’re willing to converse. I make a lot of mistakes and I wanna know about it so I don’t make them as much, I am bad at self-awareness and have a lot of issues.

That being said, please be patient and understanding with me. I’m trying and I am not in the best situation yet, but I’m growing. Aggression only causes a shutdown so please try to be careful, I have a lot of BPD symptoms (not certain if I actually have it yet but I’m looking into it) and struggle with confrontation and abandonment.

While this is an art blog it is also a personal one, and I do vent. It is usually tagged and under a “read more” though.

I consume media critically and I assume that most others do the same.

Be nice about my favorite ships please, they’re also mostly queerplatonic because I’m arospec.

If I ship something then that means I have reason to believe that it is not pro/com/ship, at least not immediately or inherently. It’s dumb I even have to say this, but apparently I do.

That’s basically it. I know this was still kinda long, but I hope it was abridged enough for it to be easier for you to understand, like I said follow up with any additional questions you have if you need to.

last updated (mm/dd/yy): 11/9/24

[fantasylandbitch]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ✨

I like when you @blackwolfstabs , @michiganstray , and @schrodingerspsycho send me these. It really is nice to give you all my thoughts and interests.😘💚

1. The little things like getting my coat cleaned for the first time by a coat cleaning professional. Because last year I accidentally spilled coffee on this really nice brown coat that I have while driving and I don't know getting it professionally cleaned made me happy and it was empowering to me.

2. Going on an adventure with my little brother to these little spots I feel safe driving to and am curious about. Then taking a trip to said places where we would end up hiking with snacks I had packed before hand for us.

3. Being creative or imaginative and going through the flow state because it helps when I write stories and draw. But it is also a nice thought process to get into if I wanted to think of places or ways to take a girl on a date in fiction and in real life.

4. When my siblings find something either I say funny or point out something funny therefore making me find it funny instead of being embarrassed about it. I'll give you two examples down below:

- Me playing COD with my Little Brother and Older sister (I get angry and try to say either fucker or mother fucker): FUCK MOTHER!!!

Little Brother and Older Sister Starts laughing.

Older Sister: I can get behind that, Regina George from that new Mean Girls is a Fuck Mother..- (<--she means she can get it and her songs rocked)-

__

- Me chilling on my sisters couch and writing my series while listening to Queer/LGBTQIA+ music in the background.

My sister and her wife in the kitchen are making themselves breakfast. My sister actively listened to the songs being played in the living room: Wow Liz you are gayer than me and my wife.

Me: How? I'm just listening to music..-

__

5. Listening to all types of music like Instrumental, Electropop, Dark, Indie Pop, Relaxing, Alternative Pop, Dance, Soundtrack, Pop, Hip Hop, Bubblegum Pop, Angry, Chill, Latin, EMD, Emotional, Alt Z, Dark R&B,  Indie Game Soundtrack, Synth, Disco, and gosh a lot more. I could try and go on but I would have to make a playlist for you to understand what I'm talking about.

[ourimpavidheroine]

so i'm confused after reading your fic is wu a top or bottom?

So listen.

When I read discourse about tops vs bottoms, it usually tells me one of three things: the discoursers either a)haven't actually had sex yet or b)have only had heterosexual sex or c)are homosexual/bisexual but are entrenched in heterosexual norms.

Not that I am saying any of those things are a bad thing. Because I'm not. But I am saying that the top vs bottom discourse is based in heterosexual norms and it seems a lot of folks out there don't quite realize how much it's influenced their thinking about sex.

I want to tell a little story. Bear with me here, it's relevant.

When I got pregnant, my (late) wife and I went to see the midwife for the first time. We had to answer all the usual standard questions - any prior pregnancies, any family history of pre-eclampsia, etc. etc. etc. Crossing the t's and dotting the i's, as it were. However, the midwife - who was a very nice lady, certainly closer to retirement age than otherwise - out of the blue asked us, "So who is the man in the relationship?"

My wife very tersely answered, "Neither of us. That's the point."

The midwife wasn't being nasty, even though a question about our sex life was shockingly unprofessional and wholly unnecessary with regards to my pregnancy (especially as she had already been told we used an anonymous sperm donor from the fertility clinic in town). It surely was not on her standard form! We were her first same-sex couple and she was curious, nothing more to it than that.

But it really brought it home how, in her mind, in order for the two of us to have sex, one of us had to be the "man" and the other had to be the "woman." In other words, one was the penetrator and one was the penetratee. And even though I am sure that if she had taken a moment to think about it she would have realized it was wildly inappropriate and incredibly intrusive for her to ask about our sex life, she was so entrenched in heterosexual norms that she quite literally could not stop herself from taking her focus away from giving us a questionnaire about my prenatal health to trying to figure out which of us was the top, and which of us was the bottom.

(Don't worry, we contacted the national LGBTQIA+ organization, and with the hospital's permission they came and gave a presentation to all of the midwives about pregnancy involving queer couples so that it wouldn't happen again.)

The thing is, though, is that the reality of it is that not everyone has or enjoys penetrative sex. I include hetero couples in that, not just mlm or wlw. Not everybody has it. Some folks might enjoy engaging in both - which is where the term "switch" comes from. But penetration is not required for sex, not even for procreation. (As I am here to attest. I did not have penetrative sex to get pregnant. Point of fact, I didn't have sex at all.)

There is this lingering idea, with queer couples, that all relationships must conform to heterosexual standards. Thus a top and a bottom. A twink and a bear. A femme and a butch. Or whatever terms folks use to define others or themselves into boxes. As a woman who has had sex with men and women (including someone who was trans) I can tell you, that for many of us not only do those boxes not fit we're not interested in them. I have been both the penetrator and penetratee and I've had sex where no penetration happened at all. The only person who expected me to conform to heterosexual norms was a cis, white, hetero dude. The rest didn't care, quite frankly.

Does that mean that there aren't twinks out there that want to get railed? Or stone butches who not only don't want to be penetrated but who don't want to be sexually touched at all? Of course not. There is a whole spectrum of sexuality out there, and people like what they like. As far as I am concerned, as long as those involved are consenting adults that are having a good time, it's none of my fucking business. I try not to put labels on other people that define their sexuality that they haven't already claimed for themselves, however. Most of us don't appreciate being defined by others, after all.

So to answer your question - is Wu a top or a bottom? My response is that Wu is Wu. He's a character who has sex with two different people, one of whom identifies as male and the other who identifies as genderqueer. Sometimes he enjoys being penetrated, sometimes he enjoys penetration, sometimes he presents as male, sometimes he presents as female. Sometimes he has sex without any penetration involved. I have written ALL of that in my fanfic. It's all there. I don't identify Wu as a top or a bottom, because I personally don't think those terms are relevant for the character as I have written him. If it is important to you, as a reader, that I put a demonstratively queer character into one of those heteronormative boxes, then all I can say is that there is plenty of Wuko fic out there that does sort Wu (and therefore Mako) into those boxes, and that those would probably be more to your taste. 🤷🏻