#i prommy to do better next time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ghost-orca · 9 months ago

Text

Chapter 3 : Channeling your love

warnings: fluff, PTSD, trauma, future smut I prommy, suggestive shit, snow

Description: You and Joel end up going on patrol together

Joel’s eyes start to flutter open as the morning sunlight beams through the blinds of the window in the recording room. Looking around, Joel’s notices you're fast asleep with his leg still sprawled across your thighs, your hand clutching his jean covered calf. He watches you like this for a while, the way your chest moves up and down with quiet breaths, the way your eyelashes curl up. You start to mumble in your sleep and Joel listens closely, most of it is incoherent and doesn’t make much sense, until finally in a clearer voice he can hear you say “please, just let me go”. Joel’s forehead scrunches with concern, and he can feel his heart break a little for you, just what have you been through? He thinks to himself. He decides to nudge you, trying to pull you out of whatever nightmare or memory you were in. You open your eyes, taking a deep inhale through your nose, exhaling as you stretch out your arms and neck hearing some of your bones crack as you do. You look at Joel and smile, “Mornin’ sunshine”. Joel’s surprised, despite what he heard you say in your sleep, you seem chipper as ever, ready for the day. You don’t wait for a response, “How’s your foot feeling?” you gesture towards it as you bump your hand tired but playfully on his calf. Joel looks down at it, moving it around and twinkles his toes for a feeling, still a bit sore but nothing he can’t manage. “It’s a helluva lot better than it was last night, you got a strong swing in those arms.” Joel gestures to you as he crosses his arms behind his head, stretching out his body to make himself comfortable. You chuckle at his response “Hmm, well, I’m just glad I didn't permanently break you Joel.” you say as you check the time on your bedside alarm clock and see that it says 6:30. “I gotta start getting ready in thirty minutes” you tell Joel as you begin to yawn. Joel nods, removing his leg off of your thighs and pushes himself up off of the couch “Yeah, should prolly get back before Ellie wakes up” he mentions flustered.

You both hear a knock at the front door from downstairs and the door opening, “Hey, it’s me.” You recognize that it’s Maria’s voice, “Can I come up?” she asks. You sigh and pinch your nose, knowing exactly why she’s here. Well at least she isn’t ordering for me only a night before to go on patrol you think to yourself. Maria’s already walked upstairs into your home before you can answer her, and she sees Joel standing next to the couch, his hair ruffled, as you're still sitting on the couch rolling your eyes “Oh, please, by all means make yourself comfortable if you wanna just invite yourself in.” Maria scoffs at you and rolls her eyes as well, “Well I see my brother in law already has. Joel.” Maria remarks at Joel giving him a nod, he doesn’t miss the look of suspicion or distrust in her eyes. “Good morning, Maria. I was just stopping by, I don’t know if you heard but our dear host is letting Ellie take on some of the reins for hosting their show.” Joel tells her avoiding explanation. Maria smirks, “I did! That’s actually a part of why I’m here.” she decides to let go of her suspicions of him for now and looks to you, “One of our patrol guys, Brennan, caught a pretty nasty fever, weather must've gotten to him, so we’re short on forces for tomorrow. I thought with Ellie’s new promotion,” she says the word making finger quotes around it, “you would be the one up for the job. Just one day, I promise.”

You groan as you sit up from the couch, “Ellie only started yesterday, she still has a lot to learn before she can start doing everything by herself here.” As you say this Maria shakes her head, “She’ll be fine, Ellie’s a smart girl. Plus we have a deal, remember? Any order I give you, you take it because you are one of the few adults in Jackson that can really handle yourself outside the walls, and I let you keep doing your, thing here” She gestures to your cluttered work space as she says this. You take a long sigh, nodding “I know, Maria, I know but now isn't a good time. Isn’t there anyone else who can do it?” Joel steps in, having listened to the whole conversation “I’d be happy to take it on if that’s okay with you” he offers, Maria turns to him “Well that's real nice of you to offer Joel, but you’ve already been posted for search and guard duty with Tommy tomorrow. Don’t you have a kid you should be looking after right now?” Maria responds sternly. Joel looks at you and then back to Maria “We weren’t finished talking.” Joel matches her sternness in his response. Your breath hitches at this, and you decide to step back into the conversation, “Fucking fine! I’ll do it, ya happy Maria?” She smirks, “Very, you’ll be starting at 6:30 tomorrow morning with Gregory” She responds.

Fucking Gregory? You think to yourself, you had gone on one date with him years ago, and hooked up a couple times after because it was just something to do for you. He didn’t show any interest in your work, and the sex was…disappointing. You remember Eugene asking you why Gregory was telling everyone you two were officially dating “He’s practically bragging about it Ash '' he'd told you. You decided not to approach the situation to avoid confrontation, but instead broke the news after airing Rumors by Fleetwood Mac on the radio, speaking into your mic “So listen guys, I’ve kinda been seeing someone recently, and I thought it would only be appropriate if I told him how I felt by playing this next song for you guys, Not Fair by Lily Allen. This is for you Gregory. Be sure to listen closely, everyone!” You had slammed the mic back onto your desk as the song began, getting up to dance along in your office without a care in the world. He’d confronted you about it the next day calling you “immature” and “just as lousy a lay” before storming off telling you to “grow and up and go fuck yourself”, and you’d avoided him ever since.

Joel notices a look of discomfort on your face, Who the hell is Gregory? He thinks to himself. “Alright, I’ll see you both at posting tomorrow morning.” Maria says before she goes to exit, leaving you and Joel alone again. Joel clears his throat before speaking up, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you back there.” he apologizes. “It's not your fault Joel, really. Maria’s pretty much always on my ass about work. I appreciate you trying to help though.” You respond earnestly. You turn your head towards your alarm clock and see it says 6:50, “I gotta start getting ready for the day, a lot to do, lemme walk you out Joel.” He follows you to the front door, holding it open for his exit, “By the way,” you start “I won’t mention you spending the night here to Ellie, don’t worry.” Joel looks at you and blushes, “Sure- right thanks. She’s young, she might assume…Y’know.” he says while wiping his mustache lightly with his thumb, “Right…Exactly…” You agree sheepishly. Back to being awkward with each other I guess, you think “Could you ask her to come over early when you get back? We’ve got a long day ahead of us, she might wanna pack a bag with her to spend the night here as well.” Joel is nodding his head along with your words as you make your request, “No problem, I’ll just tell her I ran into you and Maria earlier when I get back, M’ sure she’ll be too tired to question it.” You smirk and look down at your shoes in a timid form. “I’ll see you around?” You ask, and Joel smiles back at you, “Definitely.”

When Ellie arrives you’ve already showered and changed into a clean set of clothes. You spend the whole day crunching to teach her as much as she could learn in as little time as possible. Ellie feels your stress, knowing you want everything to be right, “Calm down R.Q! I promise you I’m gonna be fine! Let's take a break, please?” You sigh and agree, apologizing for how stern you’ve been. “How about you show me what you’ve picked out for your set list tomorrow?” Ellie shakes her head at you, holding her journal close to her chest. “No way dude, you’re gonna have to wait to hear it until tomorrow. I want it to be a surprise!” Ellie smirks. “You know I won’t be able to listen in when I’m out on patrol tomorrow, Maria doesn’t exactly allow us to carry radio’s around when we’re dealing with infected.” you tell her. Ellie doesn’t let up, “I know, but something tells me you’ll find a way to hear it. I promise you it won’t suck! You can trust me.” You give Ellie a smile and decide to let it go, “Alright, alright, I trust you.” you tell her chuckling and you see Ellie do a fist bump by her side, whispering “Fuck yeah” to herself.

You decide to give Ellie a thirty minute break from work and she goes to sit down on your couch to write in her journal out of sight from you. When she plops herself down on the couch and opens her journal, she looks up and catches a glimpse of the two used drinking glasses next to a half filled glass bottle of whiskey on your coffee table. She looks in your direction and notices you're staring off into space with a pencil in your hand when you were supposedly writing a list of reminders for Ellie to check off tomorrow, and you're humming along to what's playing on the radio, Come and Get Your Love by Redbone. Ellie squints as she observes you and starts thinking to herself. It dawns on her that Joel was up really early this morning, and she’s usually the one who wakes up before him these past couple weeks since she started working with you, and telling her that he “just so happened” to run into you and Maria this morning. Ellie’s gears are running, there’s no real proof that it is what she thinks it is, but she has a hunch and that's enough for her to make up her mind. Her first thought is ew, really? But then she thinks about the times Joel has lit up whenever she talks about you, his eagerness to greet you whenever he comes over to walk her home at the end of the day, and Ellie starts to smile at the idea of you bringing out a softer side of him. Okay Ellie, I guess it’s time to play cupid for these crazy kids she decides.

You’re lost in thought, playing with the pencil in your hand as you remember Joel watching you dance the night before, laying your cheek on your palm as you stare off. “Knock knock” Ellie says as she physically knocks on the office door frame twice and pulls you back to reality. You see her smiling with her arms crossed, “Hey, you have 15 more minutes for your break right? What’s up?” You ask her as you check your watch for the time in case you were spacing out for too long. “I’m feeling pretty hungry, can we get something to eat?” She asks, you smile and nod at her, “Sure, you wanna pick up some sandwiches from Seth?” you ask. Ellie’s face pinches, “I don’t like Seth, he always smells like alcohol and stares at me weird.” You purse your lips and furrow your brows at what she says, “Yeah I don’t like him either, makes a pretty good sandwich though.” You say, “That he does” Ellie agrees. You see her stare at the floor awkwardly assuming she’s not sure how to go about the situation. “Tell you what,” you start, “How about I go pick up sandwiches for the both of us and you can stay here to hold down the fort?” Perfect, Ellie thinks, but plays coy by responding “Oh you don’t have to do that.” “It’s no problem really, besides I haven’t left the apartment yet today and should get some fresh air.” I knew Joel didn’t just run into you this morning Ellie thinks and she smiles “Well, if you insist, thank you R.Q.” she says and you get up giving her a pat on the shoulder as you pass to grab your coat. “I should be back in about 10 minutes, okay Ellie?” “Okay!” she responds and you walk out the door.

“Time to search for the perfect song.” She says to herself, going straight to the shelf of your favorite albums. She remembered when she’d asked you about it,

“Those my dear are my personal all time favorites.” You had said with a sense of pride. Ellie had skimmed through the collection and didn’t recognize most of them, “I’ve never heard you play any of these on the radio before.” she pointed out. “Good eye, I usually save them for very special occasions.” “What kind of special occasions?” she questioned, and you shrugged, “Dunno, maybe to dance with someone really special.” Ellie took a mental note of this.

Now she was currently searching through albums reading out song names on the backs to see if she could remember any specific song you may have mentioned in the past. One particular album sticks out to her, and places the cd in a player, skipping songs that didn't have the right “mood” to them within the first five seconds, and then she hears it, letting the song play out fully “That’s the one” she says. She ejects the album from the cd player putting it back in its case. Walking over to your desk, she pulls out her journal and crosses out one of the songs for later in the day on her list, praying that you’ll hear the song with Joel once it airs tomorrow.

Then it occurs to Ellie, Oh shit, how do I even know if they’re gonna be partnered together tomorrow? Ellie hears the front door open and close, “Hey I’m back” you yell up to her. Ellie quickly slams her journal closed and quickly gets up from your desk chair. You place both sandwiches on your kitchen counter and start grabbing plates for the both of you. She walks up from behind you, “Welcome back R.Q…” She says. You turn to look at her with confusion “‘Welcome back’? Why so formal kiddo, someone die while I was gone?” You question half jokingly, slightly worried something happened. She shakes her head, “I was just wondering, who are you patrolling with tomorrow? Do you know?” She asks you avidly. Now you’re even more confused, but you think maybe she could tell you were stressing over it, you cringe a little at the thought of Gregory. “Just a guy named Gregory, why do you ask?” “It’s nothing, you just seemed kinda stressed about tomorrow and I was curious.”She says. You pout, feeling guilty for supposedly worrying her. You turn to face her, “That’s so sweet of you to worry about me Ellie, but I’ll be fine, I promise.” You see she’s not totally satisfied with your response, “Are you really just worried about me? Or are you nervous about tomorrow? You can tell me.” You cross your arms across your chest and pick your head up, attempting to put on the appearance of the ‘cool adult’ she could confide in. Ellie thinks for a moment as you stand in front of her waiting for a response, “I just realized I need to do something, something really important.” She blurts out finally. You’re taken aback, “Okay, does this ‘something’ have anything to do with hosting tomorrow?” You ask “Yes.” She replies bluntly. You squint at her, “Do you need my help?” you continue questioning her, “No, it’s also really important that I do this by myself.” she replies sounding almost desperate while she bites the inside of her cheek. “Hm.” You simply react as your lips purse in consideration, “How long do you need?” you ask, “Just an hour, tops.” Ellie sounds very sure of herself. You decide to let her do her thing, “Okay, but if you’re even a minute late I will have to tell Joel about it. Plus I will not be thrilled, and you don’t wanna see me when I’m…not thrilled” You tell her trying to hold a sense of authority in your voice, but you’re still giving her the benefit of doubt. Ellie sighs in relief, and gives you a hug as she says “This is gonna be worth it for all of us, trust me.” Your eyebrow raises as you hug her back, “Wait wha-” “Gotta go bye!” You watch her run downstairs “What about lunch?” you yell out, “Not hungry!” she responds, and you find yourself dumbfounded once you’re alone.

Fifty minutes go by while you’re alone, packing a backpack of supplies for the morning. Once Ellie returns she runs up the stairs to greet you, “Hey Ellie, you get what you needed?” you ask and she nods her head excitedly, giving you a big smile. “You wanna tell what was so important for you to do?” you question, shaking her head and replies “mm-mm” while still smiling. You chuckle and reply, “You are so weird.” You wake up early the next morning at 5:30am, sleeping on your couch so Ellie could take the bed. Two nights in a row on this thing, I’m gonna have back problems before I’m forty you think to yourself. You get dressed in the bathroom after a quick shower, trying to avoid waking Ellie up. You gather your backpack of supplies, double checking you have everything you’d need for the trip. You go into your office and grab a piece of paper to write in large letters ‘You got this Ellie :) Proud of you and remember, HAVE FUN!!!!!’ You place it on your bedside cabinet for her to find before carefully tucking her into the covers. She rummages in her sleep a bit and you make your way to the patrol meeting gate.

You’re waiting 30 minutes looking for signs of Gregory with your guns and weaponry ready, It’s not like I wanna be partnered with him either, but he doesn’t need to torture me by making me wait, the sooner we get this done the better you think to yourself impatiently. You feel a finger tap on your shoulder and spin around to meet eyes with Joel. You give him a warm smile and tell him good morning softly, “Hey, so, Tommy just told me we’re partnering up. Says Gregory can’t make it today, musta caught whatever Brennan has.” Joel tells you. You raise your eyebrows in surprise and a sense of relief washes over you. “Who’s Tommy partnering up with?” You ask, Joel shrugs and says “He’ll figure it out”.

At 9:30am Tommy makes his way to your place letting himself in and calling out Ellie’s name. She’s sitting at your office desk taking notes and looking at the time on her watch to keep on schedule. She turns to look at Tommy, “I shouldn’t have to be the one telling you this, but you shouldn't go getting people sick jus’ so you can play matchmaker kid.” Ellie blinks, “Did you partner them?” She asks on the edge of her seat. Tommy sighs and nods his head, “Yeah, they’re out patrolling together as we speak.” Ellie yells a celebratory “YES!” and thanks Tommy, “Yeah yeah, you owe me one kiddo.” Tommy says and then questions “How’d you do it anyway? Get Gregory sick?” Ellie shrugs, “Spit in his drink when he wasn’t looking at the bar. To be fair he seemed pretty smashed, so that's on him.” Tommy rubs his hands on his face hearing this, “Really hope Joel doesn’t blow it for Gregory’s sake, christ….”

You follow behind Joel making the rounds to search for any infected or signs of trespassers for a couple of hours, snow begins to fall as the sky grows darker. Joel’s been keeping an eye on you the whole day, making sure you feel safe, but you’ve been nothing but completely focused the whole day, finger steady on your rifle trigger and ready to act when opportunity strikes. He didn’t think you had this kind of side to you, Guess that’s why Maria trusts them on these jobs he realizes. Occasionally you’d watch Joel and come to the same conclusion about him, Always got his head in the game I see, good. The wind starts picking up harshly as time passes, and the snowfall continues growing stronger, quickly covering each other's footprints. “We should get to some shelter for the night, I don’t see this storm letting up anytime soon.” You suggest, “Tommy n’ Maria been saying this winters only gonna get worse. We should hurry.” Joel agrees.

You spend thirty minutes walking in the storm before finally approaching some proper shelter that Joel mentioned he’d spent the night in before with another patroller named Hailey. You frown at the thought of this, until he also mentioned that she spent the whole time sulking because she wasn’t partnered with some boy she liked, “Told her she should just tell him how she feels, n’ I saw them dancing at the bar just last week.” He smiles at you, and you smile back “Well look at you, Mr. Matchmaker Miller! Should I tell Maria to start partnering you up with love hungry singles? You could start charging them for counseling.” You teased him making your way up the stairs behind, as he’s shaking his head and chuckling. “Sure, you could be my first official customer.” he says while holding the door open for you to enter, he waves his hand to bow graciously at you “Step into my office why don’t ya?” You start giggling as you enter through the door, Everyone I’ve met in Jackson who’s talked about this man said he was a stern old fucker with a stick up his ass, but he’s really just…a big dork, like Ellie…You realize.

You stomp your boots on the ground and take off your bag and jacket to drop them to the floor in the entrance corridor, and peel your boots off to keep snow from making water tracks inside. You walk over to one of the cabinets to search through them. “Whatcha doin?” Joel asks as he’s taking off his jacket, “Lookin’ for goodies” You respond, “Sometimes patrollers leave stuff behind and completely forget they even left it there.” “Ahh okay” Joel says, walking up to a pantry on the wall of the kitchen, you hear him open it up grabbing something and you turn to see him holding a mostly filled tall bottle of alcohol. He looks at you and smiles “You mean somethin’ like this?” You nod and smile back, “Yeah, something like that.” Joel walks closer and points behind you “I also set up a radio in here for future visits, thought it’d be nice to listen to you n’ Ellie if I ever get stuck out here.” You look to see a portable radio set up on a small table next to the couch. Looking back at Joel he’s still smiling at you, “Wanna turn it on and see what Ellie’s up to?” He asks in an earnest soft voice.

You feel your cheeks burning up, you start thinking about what Joel said about coming to this place only once before, but the place looks well put together compared to other Jackson hideouts, none of the furniture is dusty, and there’s actually a decent supply of stock besides the alcohol. “That story you told me, about only being here with that girl Hailey, was that true?” Joel looks flustered at your question, he clears his throat, “Well that did really happen once, ‘cept it was actually Tommy who helped her out while I just napped on the couch. I liked the place well enough that I kept coming back here to make it my own spot. You’re actually the first person I’ve brought here since I found it with Hailey and Tommy.” Joel swallows before he continues, “I’m sorry I lied to you, I think I was just tryna impress ya.” Joel’s cheeks are flushed red as he rubs the back of his head, looking up to you and back down to the floor awkwardly. You sigh, shaking your head as you watch him, face now completely serious “I just have one question for you, Miller.” Joel looks at you with a shared serious but nervous look on his face, ready to have it from you, and in a completely firm voice you ask “Did Hailey and that guy she liked ever really get together?” Joel’s eyes widen, he chuckles nervously, “Uh yeah, they’re actually really sweet together.” You break the very stern look you're pretending to hold on your face, snorting at Joel’s response, and start laughing. Joel sighs in relief and chuckles with you “God damn you had me real scared there for a moment.” Joel admits, you cover your mouth as you giggle and start apologizing for tricking him “I don’t care if you’re not really a matchmaker Joel, well, maybe a little disappointed but really.” Joel smiles as you continue to giggle at him “Yeah yeah, ya got me.” He admits defeat. You take a deep breath as you wipe away some tears from laughing, “C’mon, let's hear what Ellie’s playing, she told me she wanted to surprise me yesterday and I’ve been dying to hear what she picked out.” you tell Joel “Alright, start ‘er up” he says gesturing to the radio.

You tune into your channel on the radio and immediately hear Ellie’s voice booming with excitement through the static, “Sure is piling up out there, I guess our dear Radio Queen’s gonna be stuck out in the trenches for the night. That’s okay though! I’m fucking awesome at this job, still, I hope you’re listening R.Q. and staying nice and warm wherever you are.” You place your hand on your cheek and feel pride takeover your heart, I’m so fucking proud of her you think. “And Joel, if you’re listening, take good care of them, and don’t be a hard ass for once, I don’t want you gettin’ me fired' when I’ve only just started! Anywho for those of you just listening, my name is Ellie, and I’m the world's BEST radio host, unless R.Q. is also listening, then I’m second best.” Learn To Fly by Foo Fighters starts playing and you immediately start turning the sound dial down when you recognize it, “Not a fan?” Joel asks, smirking at you. You snort, “I mean, I have copies of some of their albums at my place obviously, but they're not my favorite.” You admit, Joel hands you the bottle and you take it saying “I’m still so proud of Ellie, so I say cheers to that.” and you take a sip, making a face of slight disgust at the taste shaking your head after. “Yeah I’m real proud of her too'' Joel says as he takes the bottle back from you and takes a sip for himself, showing no reaction to the taste, just watching you as he sips and smirks at you. Your heart skips a beat watching him look at you.

Time passes and the sun has fully set outside of the cabin, you and Joel had lit a bunch of candles around the living room to keep away the dark, making yourselves comfortable. Joel now watches you dance along to Mr. Brightside by The Killers, several more sips of alcohol in both of your systems, using your socks to slide across the hardwood floor as you dance. Joel is sitting on the floor laying his back against the front of the couch, eyes following your every movement as his hand taps against his knee along with the rhythm. He takes another sip from the bottle keeping his eyes on you. You see him sipping while attempting to slide your way over to him, tripping over your toes and landing forward to catch yourself on your hands and knees in the process. Joel almost gets up to check if you’re okay but you start laughing at yourself, rolling onto your back as you do and Joel starts giggling with you as he watches. You roll yourself back over onto your hands and knees and start to crawl his way. Your ass is perked up slightly as you grab the bottle from his hand and stretch your legs out to sit yourself up in an almost split like pose, with one hand that's steadying you placed on the floor. The other is holding the neck of the bottle as you take a large sip, keeping your eyes on Joel the whole time. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand after placing the bottle on the floor and Joel licks his lips involuntarily, watching you. You smile and flutter your eyelashes at him as the song fades out.

Ellie’s voice starts booming through the radio and slight static again, “So you guys! I have the amazing Eugene here with me right now because he wanted to come by and say hi, and I thought it’d be appropriate if he sat with me while I hosted for the remainder of the night. How would you say I’m doin’ so far Eugene?” *A beat passes*, “Y’know Ellie I’d say you are doin’ a fantastic job so far, I guarantee if Ash and Joel are listening’ right now, they’re real proud of you.” “Aw thanks Eugene, I just hope they’re listening!” You giggle and start cheering for Ellie, “We are so proud o’ you girlie.” you slur your words a bit, still holding the same position while pointing your hand at the radio, Joel rests his head against the couch mattress and starts laughing at your cheers. You stop laughing when you hear the next song start to play, Good Dancers by The Sleepy Jackson “Oh my god” You say. Joel looks at you and asks what's wrong, You start to giggle again, “This is one of my absolute favorite songs, Ellie must've gone through my drawer of favorites and wanted to surprise me. I usually save those songs for special occasions.” You tell Joel, and he gets up off of the ground, holding out a hand to you, “Y’wanna dance?” he asks as you're still seated on the floor. You bite your lower lip as you smile and nod, placing your hand in his, and he lifts you up to your feet. He takes your left hand with his right, placing his left hand on your hip, and you place your right up on his shoulder. You begin to dance around the room together as the music plays and you start to giggle as he smiles down at you.

Don’t always dream for what you want

But I love to watch good dancers talk

My heart is stronger than you all

But I love to watch good dancers talk

You lay your head against Joel’s chest, taking in the smell of him. Whiskey, gunpowder, and pine. You sway together as the music plays, and Joel lifts his hand from your thigh to take your chin into his hand and gently lifts it for you to look into each others eyes. Your sway’s start to slow down, “Can I kiss you?” Joel asks you as you continue swaying, your eyes widen, and you feel so drunk and yet so sobered all of a sudden, taking in a deep breath. “Yes” you whisper, and Joel cups your face with both hands. He lowers his face to yours, whispering “Are you sure?” You look down at his lips and then up to his eyes and nod “Yes Joel” He reaches down connecting his lips with yours, and you lean into his kiss as you close your eyes. His lips feel so soft and gentle against yours and you feel butterflies rise in your belly as you kiss and sway.

Don't always dream for what you want

But I love to watch good dancers talk

(When you think with your mind

You've got a place to go now)

My heart is stronger than you all

(When you think with your mind

You've got a place to go now)

But I love to watch good dancers talk

(When you think with your mind

You've got a place to go now)

The song slowly fades out and you open your eyes, your lips still connected, the first thing you see is Joel’s gray hair and a memory seeps in. Something awful, something you blocked out a long time ago. Then Ellie’s voice booms out from the radio and you jump away from Joel. “Alright everybody, you’re not gonna believe this but Eugene just told me he once saw The Rolling Stones perform live! Can you tell us more about-” Joel turns the radio dial off as he says “Let’s just- turn this off for now...” He approaches you and goes in for another kiss and you accept, his hands slide down from your back down to the back pockets of your jeans. A memory starts crawling back into your mind and you hear a man's voice belonging to someone you tried hard to forget a long time ago say look at you pretty little thing. You begin to put your hands up against Joel’s chest trying to push him back, and when he doesn't realize, you start to panic “Don't-wait-don’t FUCKING touch me!” you exclaim and Joel backs away from you immediately. He holds his hands up noticing you panting with a wild look in your eyes and tears falling down your face when you try to avoid his eye contact “Whoa- hey, I am so sorry” he says as you look at him remembering where you are. “Are you…okay?” He asks you with genuine concern, and you just stare at Joel like you don’t even recognize him in silence. “I need a minute, sorry.” You say this as you quickly exit the living room and find the nearest room to enter, slamming the door behind you.

You find yourself in a dark bathroom and light a candle with a matchbox set next to it on the windowsill, noticing your hands are trembling. When you look at yourself in the mirror you see tears have already been streaming down your face, I always suffer in silence, you think to yourself. You start to turn the faucet to run the water for noise but are quickly reminded that the plumbing system doesn’t work here, cursing motherfucker under your breath. Your body is trembling and you’re choking back big sobs that start to overwhelm you. Forming your hand into a fist you bring it to your open mouth and bite down a bit to muffle yourself before you can start screaming. You spend a long time like this in the bathroom, seeing yourself in the mirror you think you look pathetic. I can’t do this with Joel, he reminds me of what happened, and remembering hurts too fucking much you think to yourself. You decide you have to distance yourself from him to protect yourself, as much as you like him, you can’t handle how you think and feel when you look at him now. The guilt of it begins to weigh on you, you don’t want to hurt Joel but you have to.

Joel spends his time alone in the living room sitting anxiously in silence, shaking his leg the whole time without notice or realization. He replays what happened between you two in his head, did I overstep asking her to kiss me? What just happened? He thinks to himself trying to assess what he could’ve done to offend or make you uncomfortable. Is it my age? I’m old enough to be their father, maybe hearing Ellie’s voice made her realize that and it made them uncomfortable…He can’t stop thinking about it, the moment was so perfect for him, until it wasn’t. I really like them…we’re in big trouble, Joel…

You finally step out of the bathroom with puffy eyes and bite marks on your hand. Joel stands up as soon as you step into the living room, rubbing the denim covering his thighs up and down to do something with his hands, “Hey, uh, are you alright? Looks like you’ve been crying.” You fold your lips and wipe your cheek in case of any tears he might notice on your face, “Yeah I’m fine, sorry.” you say with no emotion in your voice, extremely straightforward as if you’re still outside on patrol.

Joel notices your total change in tone and grows more concerned for you, “Do you wanna talk…? About what just happened I mean?” You put your hands in your pockets trying to hide how much they’re shaking and purse your lips out as you shake your head no, “Honestly Joel, I think we should just get some sleep, we have a pretty early morning ahead of us.” Joel nods his head in disappointment, “Right.” he replies.

You walk away from him saying “I can take the couch, the beds all yours.” “Okay.” he says back. You can hear a sadness in his voice and feel his eyes on you as you face away from him laying yourself down on the couch. “Alright well, goodnight, and um. Yeah.” Joel ends the conversation and you hear his footsteps further away from you until you hear a final thud against bed springs from afar. You shut your eyes tight and cover your mouth with your hand so he can’t hear you crying again, curling up your body in a fetal position as you quietly cry yourself to sleep.

#joel miller x reader #tlou #joel miller #troy baker #pedro pascal #the last of us

25 notes · View notes

grapecaseschoices · 10 months ago

Text

OC in 15: Kendis Crawford-Louel

rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I was tagged by @deepinifhell and am woefully delayed in getting on this.

Tagging: @thedeadthree @thee-morrigan @nat-seal-well @nightingalesighs @laufire @lusavors @cypresswrites @thelittlestspider @mt07131 @roxaro @quaxorascal @tuomniia @andthatisnotfake @sunshineandviolets @sapphic-story [tagged fifteen peeps! i think! and as always no pressure!]

Most of the dialogue from old rp stuff repurposed for this meme, some from unposted stuff, and a few I made up for this. (As warning: some cussing)

-----

1] However, strangeness of the situation proves that the metal gates aren’t fully down around the castle, because she bites out, bluntly, “No! No. I’m not okay.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t. D-don’t follow that up with another question. I thought we talked about this.”

By ‘we’ and ‘talked’, she meant the time she summarily shut down his last attempt to dig deeper. It should’ve been obvious by now that Kendis didn’t like accepting what they insisted on dishing out.

2] "Yook, Kenny, yook!"

"What'm I lookin' at, teeny tyke? --- Well, now. Look at that! Is that me? In fact, I know that's me. That's the second prettiest person in this entire art of prettiness. And is the one right next to me you? It's got to be 'cause that's definitely the prettiest person in this."

"You siwwy, Kenny. Boys not be pretty!"

"Am I? Well, if you're sayin' that's right then I'll consider it. But being silly doesn't mean I'm wrooooong~. Boys can be very pretty, kiddo. People can be whatever they wanna be so long as they're --- kind, yeah? And you're the kindest, prettiest, most talented teeny tyke, I've ever known. Oh, now you're laughin' at me, huh? Well, Ima show you 'bout that teeny brat."

3] "Who invented white allosexuals, like for real? Someone return this woman to sender."

4] "We're not even four days into a fucking New Year and this shit stain is stinkin' up the place."

5] "And I get that it's different things for different people. But I rather lose a place, than lose the people that matter with it."

6] "I know you've probs been lied to lately. But you're really not cute."

7] "He obvi picked bad pics on purpose, you Italian booger."

8] "I'm like Siri. Except better looking, smarter, much louder, and not an AI slave to a hegemonic hell-hole that stole the name of one of the best fruits. Like ever."

9] "Um, excuse you. I'm not reckless. What 'bout me screams the self sacrifice type?"

10] "Hey. Hey! Look at me! That's it ... slow breaths. I've got you. Do you -- you're okay, slowly ... Do you remember what I told you last week? Just nod. I've got you. I've got ya. You remember this? That's my pinky. We pinky promised -- the biggest and most bindable way to lock in a promise, yeah? And you may not know this about me, but I don't make promises that I can't see through. I said you're gonna be okay. And I mean that. I'm gonna make it happen, okay? I'll -- I'm here now and I'll be there at the end. Prommy, prommy, prommy, prommy, pro -- oh, a laugh, huh? Ha. That's what I like hearing. Leave the worryin' to me, dude."

11] "If this human version of a mutated ingrown armpit hair follicle don't get up off my face in the next 10, 9, 8, 7, …."

12] “Ow! Fudging snowcaps! That bitch hur –” They stopped mid-yelling but simply began complaining underneath their breath.

13] "I'm --," Kendis gestured sharply with their right hand as if orchestrating their feelings or encouraging Morgan to jump in. Not that they gave her much of a chance when they quickly added, "You know."

"You're?" Morgan smirked, "You know? I don't think I do."

"Yes. You do."

"Nah, nothing's ringing a bell."

"Well, that's probably all the brain damage you got from the last fight."

"Right. I remember that. The fight where I got stabbed instead of you."

Kendis' nostrils flare and their jaw clenches so tightly Morgan almost feels a sympathy twinge in her own teeth.

14]

“Then why won’t you tell me you love me? Maybe a little reward so I can be brave?”

“‘Cause a face full of kisses wasn’t enough? Wow.”

“Sure, it was nice but this is a big deal. I think I deserve a bigger reward.”

“Aren’t rewards for after you actually do the stuff?”

“You’re right. How about you say ‘I love you’ just because you do!”

“You look cute when you pout an’ you’re gonna be late.”

“Please, Kendis? We’ve been dating for a while now and … That is – Unless – You don’t.”

“I don’t what?”

“You know you are always avoiding it, saying how you feel about me, and you’ve never come close to saying the words .. and sometimes I’ve wondered … I’ve been very patient the last several months –”

“Then keep on with that.”

“Okay. Okay. Kendis. Do you love me?”

“Can we talk about this later? This ain’t as black an’ white as you’re making it look like.”

“But it is. It is a very black and white question with a very black and white answer. Do you love me?”

“Austyn. Austyn? Stop that! What’re you doin’? Don’t. You’re – fuckin’ –”

“These are the notes I wrote you. Look at them. Look how far they reach on your floor. Look!”

“No”

“You never even wrote it back. I kept saying it and writing it and you never gave anything back … B-because … because you don’t.”

“I never gave – We’re not doin’ this right now. Again. Why’re you doin’ this right now? We don’t even have the time to really get into -”

“What is there to get into? It’s yes or no, Kendis! If you say that, then it will be all settled.”

“Maybe stop cuttin’ me off an’ let me speak.”

“You cut me off first! And don’t you start raising your voice at me!”

“You started that shit first, yourself! What is with you?”

“Why are you acting like I am overreacting? I’m not! It isn’t wrong to want to know whether or not my best friend is in love with me. It isn’t wrong to know if you really see a future with us together or if you’ve been just tagging along because I’m one of the very few other out girls in school.”

“You called me your best friend.”

“What?”

“You should know how I feel. You say I don’t give you nothin’ back but that’s a damn lie an’ you know it.”

“Then why don’t you say it? I say it all the time!”

“But are you really meanin’ it?”

“Uh - Wha – EXCUSE ME!?!!”

“Are you? How can I say those words to someone that's not a sure thing? You talk a lot about a future that ain’t here but what you really got to say for the now.”

“Wow. Asshole.”

“Takes one.”

“Fine. Don’t love me. I think it’s best if we take some space right now and reconsider our priorities.”

“Austyn. I didn’t mean – Austyn this is silly.”’

“Is it?”

“Why're we even doin’ this right now? What about the formal?”

“Don’t call me unless I call you.”

“Austyn!”

“Don’t.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

“Apparently not even in the next few months, asshole.”

15]

Kendis narrowed her eyes but forced herself to take a deep breath, “You. Bumped into. Me!” Honestly, that was a generous and kind assessment. If Kendis had been human, she doubted she would’ve been able to stand with only a headache and a bad mood to show for it.

“Yeah, because you slowed down when you weren’t supposed to! I was keeping pace with you, speeding by the way, and then allva sudden –”

“I know you’re not blaming me for any of this, let alone your speeding, you Stranger Things reject.”

“Excuse me?”

Kendis felt that anger again – no, they could almost taste it. It was just wafting off the air from the shifter in front of them. It was churning up their stomach like sick, this anger that wasn’t their rage.

It was restless, like her’s was, but was also too hard, too cold.

Not right, not right. The warning blared in Kendis’ gut. Something was off and they needed to leave.

“Don’t!” They warned when the person reached out to grab at them, clearly making Kendis ready to skedaddle. The sharp yell struck out like a roll of thunder, loud and final enough to make this person hesitate, before Kendis’ voice dropped into a growl, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” [x]

#insight: kendis crawford louel #oc: kendis crawford louel #kendis x austyn #i wrote this great exchange for morgan and kendis but it deleted so fuck that #effing tumblr #grapecase writes #also i had a bunch of people tagged but it didnt save and idr who i tagged and i dont remember who has been tagged before so #im winging it and if i missed you im sorry. just do it and tag me. and i double tag you im sorry #as always no pressure #the longer stuff is toward the end #so long post #i'm not satisfied with number two but i've decided to stop fussing

21 notes · View notes