#i promised myself id finish this one i hate myself

[luvsavos]

life kicks me in the ribs yet again: more than likely i won't be able to get all the money i need in time for the alatreon model, so. got excited for nothing :)

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

Love Is A Four Letter Word: Taiju Shiba x Fem Reader WC: 4.2k TW: Angst, Arguing, Break-up, Stalkerish on Taiju's part, Hidden Pregnancy, Complications, Praying A/N: I got too invested in this one but I liked it! I had to look up a prayer because I didn't know any Christian prayers. I hope you enjoy!!! MINOR DNI 18+

“If you’re going to leave don’t think about coming back.”  Taiju's venomous words hit you deeply. The vein bulged from his forehead as he looked at you.

“I won’t” Your bag was already over your shoulder wiping your eyes as the tears escaped crashing down on your cheeks. “I can’t keep doing this with you. As many times as I tried to prove to myself how much I love you, it’s never enough for you..." you didn't know what to say or do anymore when he got into these moments it was too much to handle. "It’s best to end everything right now because at this rate I-.” you couldn't even finish what you were saying you looked at your hand removing the promise ring he gave you on your first anniversary. Placing it on the table near the door. You grabbed the handle to the door, a shaky breath escaping from your lips. You couldn't look back as your feet got closer to your car. it finally began to settle in when you began to drive off from the home you shared with him. Moments ago the heated argument turned sour.

Taiju watched the door close; he didn’t think you would leave this time. The sudden realization of something warm trickling down his fingers was his own blood, seeing the open wound on his knuckles. He started to look around to see broken glass fragments on the floor, the hole in the wall. An incident that was so small turned into something big. Things flew around when he couldn’t control himself. He hated himself; the only thing in his life that gave him some type of meaning was gone. With his own pride, he couldn't go after you.

Memories of the good times hitting him all at once from seeing your smiling face in the morning, to the way you laughed, or the way your fingers combed through his hair when his head was resting on your lap. Thinking you would be back in a few days when you both cooled off from the argument. The days had passed he hasn’t heard from you. Failed attempts over the phone you were serious this time. 5 years of being together from the time you both were in your teens now at the age of 21 splitting up.

Looking at the phone number that kept populating You couldn't hear his voice because you knew you would break down and go crawling back to him. Declining the call, you opened his contact scrolling down and pressing the block number. Staying at your friend’s home for the next few days as you were already looking for a place. “You’re really serious this time.” She spoke standing at the entrance of the doorway to the room.

“I can’t do it anymore…. Him acting like such a rabid beast where he can’t control himself. Too many close calls not anymore.”

“ I'm assuming your not going to even tell him at all?”

“It’s for the best… if he knew he would have me in the home all day and if he ever got mad where it’s taken to the max. I couldn’t forgive myself.” Looking that the small sonogram photo. It was going to be a surprise that night when you found out, letting him know you were going out for a few hours. It took longer than expected at the doctor's office than to grab some items at the store. The first thing he began to assume was you were with someone else.

Your friends felt her phone vibrate. Looking at the caller ID “It’s Taiju…. What do you want me to say?”

“Don’t tell him I’m here… just say I’m somewhere else.”

“You know he might show up here…” letting out a sigh she answered the phone “Hey Taiju...no she is not here” rolling her eyes, you could hear him on the phone speaking. “when I see her, I can tell her to call you, but you know I cannot force her to call you…" he spoke to her and must have said something to irk her nerve "Let me make it clear she is my friend an- “she looked at her phone “he just hung up on me… Look he might come over right now…He knows you’re here....Look my parents are out of their home for a few weeks why don't I have you go over there until you find a place? ”

The familiar home you were constantly at growing up. Countless sleepovers you endured in this home. Living like a carefree happy teenager now you hear as an adult avoiding your lover you knew since high school. ‘It still looks the same.’ you said placing your items down in the room she used to sleep.  

~~~~~~~~~

“If you're lying to me about her being here I will-” Taiju said before getting cut off.

“Or what Taiju? I told you she is not here. If she was here I wouldn’t have let you in.” your friend spoke in an annoyed tone. “She needs a break, Taiju let her be.” “Listen if you hear from her let me know, just tell her I want to talk to her?” Taiju was hoping to see you here. 

“I will let her know.”  Your friend opened the door to the hallway. Taiju knew you were there evidently you left a few items around that he knew were yours. He was wondering if she was really going to tell you to call him. He was becoming a bit annoyed at himself for how he was acting about wanting to speak to you. ‘If she wants to talk to me she knows how to find me.’ he said to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Six months had passed since he tried to reach out to you. When you found out about your pregnancy you were 2 months along. Now being 8 months pregnant you were close to the finish line. The apartment you were renting was a few miles away from your old childhood home. The countless nights of working just to get the items ready for the baby's arrival. You were looking at your computer, your eyes hurting as you spent hours working on the damn computer. The only good thing was you got to work from home. Turning off the computer you were finally done with the report. Your hands rest on the table as your palms rubbed your tired eyes. You felt the baby kick. “I know mommy needs to get some sleep.” your hand resting on your belly. Getting up you dragged yourself into your bedroom. Laying in the bed. You grew so accustomed to sleeping on the left side that you still favored your left side of the bed. 

Nights like this when it's late at night when you missed him the most. The soft words whispered in the night. The way his arms wrap around you making you feel safe. You couldn’t deny you missed the sex.  Then you began to think about if you stood with him. Would he have been happy? Would he have been ready to be a father? Would he love his child? The more you thought about it the more you felt emotional. Picking up your phone you just needed to hear his voice just once, maybe even try to tell him you were expecting a baby with him. You ended up changing your number in this time frame but are still not comfortable calling him on the new number. Placing your phone number in private you contemplated before hitting the call button. 

Taiju was just at the grand opening of one of his restaurants when he felt his phone vibrate. He was in his office grabbing an item when he saw a private number. “Hello?” when he answered the phone. You covered your mouth just the sound of his voice made your eyes welt up you couldn’t even talk. Taiju pauses for a moment hearing the faintest sniffle “____?”

He sat on his chair, his elbows resting on the desk. His voice was calmer knowing if he were to get upset you would just hang up “Come on babe.. I know it's you… Can you just say something?” 

‘I’m sorry I left… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’m pregnant and it's your baby… I'm sorry I ignored you for all these months, and I’m sorry for calling all of a sudden like this…’ you thought to yourself those words couldn't come out of your mouth all you could say was.  “Taiju…. I’m sorry.” you brought the phone away from your ear “______ wait can we just.” as he was speaking you hung up the phone. Tauji looked at his phone, seeing the call disconnected. Just this call was giving him a sign that you didn’t give up on him or what you both had. He lit a cigarette looked at his phone as he took a puff then exhaled, he knew one person would know where you were at. It may be a bit stalkerish but he wanted to talk to you. The friend you went to in the beginning. 

A few days past you and your friend were having a seat in your living room. “Why would you call him?” she sighed. “You said you were done with him.” 

“It's hard to explain okay. I was with him for 5 years, he was there and protected me from a broken family. All the memories I have with him I just couldn’t forget them. I honestly tried so hard to but I can’t forget him.”

“I was there too, I know it was a screwed-up house hold for you… If you gave him that bit of hope you need to tell him. It was fine when you weren’t speaking to him but now this is a whole new ballpark. He is going to end up eventually finding out… you are due right around the corner. You don’t think he might see you out while you're pushing a stroller around?” 

“I get it okay… I just have a lot of stuff on my plate. “ you took a deep breath feeling a braxton hicks contraction. 

“You okay?” she asked, walking up to you.

“It's just the braxton contraction… I need to lie down for a moment.” She helped you to the couch. 

She could see the exhausted expression on your face. “Get some rest _______. I know you wanna keep going but it's not good for you and the baby… I need to head out right now. I wanted to drop by and see you… Call me if you need me to come right away.” She exited the apartment and began to make her way to the car. In his car, he saw her coming out of an apartment complex and driving off. Lighting a cigarette in his car, looking at the complex it was right here all along. He didn’t want to go there right after her. He waited for a few hours.

The night came along and you were settling down, you were just out the bath drying your hair when hearing the door knock. You weren’t expecting visitors at all, “who is it?” you called out

“It's me.” The familiar voice spoke. You froze for a moment and he found you quickly…. “_____ come on, open the door please?” 

Taking a deep breath, your hand opened the door. Slightly opening the door, Taiju was in  a suit standing there. “Tai what are you doing here?” asking him. “I want to talk… That's all.” He looked down at you only seeing your face. You were hesitant for a moment before opening the door. Taiju walked into the apartment, looking around the apartment. It was just simple, you just had everything you needed.  Closing the door you were hesitant to turn around to show him the secret you have kept from him.

“Taiju…. I can’t turn around until you promise me something…” taking a deep breath “you need to control yourself.. Can you do that for me?” asking him. 

“Yea…” 

The moment turning around each second felt like an eternity. When you were finally facing him. He's catching your swollen belly. Taiju continuously looked at your swollen belly then back at you. “This is why you wanted me calm…” he kept it together and did not go off as he promised to you moments ago. “Well I need a fucken explanation now.” Taiju brows furrowed at you. 

“I’m 8 months pregnant…”

“No shit I know that. But whose baby is it?” he asked, his eyes focused on yours.

“Of course, you would say something like that. Taiju the baby I’m carrying is yours. But will you even trust my word? You never seemed to trust me at all, always assuming things… If you don’t believe me, we can have the baby tested when they are born just to prove it.” you felt your hormones taking over more. You were angry by his words and for him to assume something like that.

He was holding his tongue back more than he wanted too but now you were carrying his child he couldn’t act like an animal. “Were you even planning on telling me or just continuing like I never existed in your life?”  you could hear the anger in his voice bubbling more as he talked. 

“After the baby was born. To be honest with you, I was scared about having the baby and telling you… After the fight and the mess I couldn’t put myself or the baby in danger. So I left…” “You think I would harm you or my unborn child if you told me you were pregnant? Do you really think I’m that much of a monster?”  placing his hands in his pocket.

Taiju began to remember the moment when he first told you he was going to always protect you. He saw your corrupted family and he was the one who saved you from them. All the pain and suffering you endured he didn’t want to ever put you through that again but there were times his own insecurities took over. He would overthink things along with hearing compliments from people on how pretty his girlfriend was or just talking to other people as you were making conversations. It fucked with him he just never wanted to lose you but he did. You could see he was thinking long and hard about everything he has done in his life. Almost consuming his own thoughts. “Can I ask you something then? if I told you I was pregnant what would you have done?” 

“Married you.” 

“Taiju marriage is not-.” 

Quickly cutting you off knowing you were going to assume something that wasn’t what he was thinking of “You don’t get it… No matter if you were pregnant or not I was still planning on asking you to marry me. You were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The person I wanted a family with… The goddamn person that gave my life any meaning in it. That day you left I thought you were coming back. I want to fix us so the next step in our relationship was to tie the knot but you never came back. The calls that went to voicemail then finally blocked. I just decided to stop until you called me a few days ago… finding out you're carrying my child right now.”

“It’s a lot. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” you rubbed your face letting a shallow breath out. 

“I would have been there with you the whole entire way to help you out instead of you busting your ass off like you have been doing.” he noticed the discoloration under your eyes from the lack of sleep. At this point he couldn’t even be mad; he was more concerned about you. “Come on, sit down.” 

You didn’t even disagree with him at this time you followed what he said. Sitting on the couch you laid back. You closed your eyes for a moment. Walking to the kitchen he brought you a glass of water. “Thank you…” you held it in your hand taking a small sip. It was weighing in on you now. Feeling the baby move around a bit more. Resting your hand on your swollen belly. 

He wanted to know more about his baby, at this point he was going to be a new father soon. “When is the baby due?” he asked.

“ July 20th a few days before your birthday…” taking a deep breath feeling another contraction. 

Raising his brow at you “what's going on?” he asked. 

“ I get braxton hicks contractions. They just have been more active lately.” 

“What caused them?” with very little knowledge on this subject  he didn’t know what they were. “A lot of things,, the doctor is aware she told me to make sure i rest, stay hydrated and do calming activities.”

It was no brainer he saw you were more stressed than usual. Taking a seat next to you, his hands resting on his knees as he looked over at your swollen belly. Where your hand was resting he could see the slight movement from the baby moving. He missed everything in this pregnancy, seeing the growth of his baby, being cheated out of going to the appointments, wanting to know the sex of the baby, prepping for the baby's arrival, his family knowing late as well.  “And you're doing the opposite…” he shook his head.

You noticed him still looking at your stomach. He wasn’t sure if he was able to touch you or you would tell him not to. “The baby is moving, do you want me to feel?”

His hand reached over, placing it where your hand was previously at. The sudden movements against his hand. A life he created with you he could feel with the palm of his hand. He knew he wanted to make this work with you. That small amount of hope still twinkled in his mind. He knew you like the back of his hand. You still loved him no matter what happened. This moment right now he began to think of what he needed to do. July 20th was in a couple of weeks.  “_____…. You don’t need to worry about anything anymore. The baby will have what they all need. I want you to come back. Things will change, I promise you that. Just come home,”

“Tai I have to thi—“ the sharp pain hitting your lower pelvis sitting up trying to catch your breath.  

“What happened.” He asked more alert seeing how you eyes closed tightly. 

“It’s just another brax con—“ you groaned and knocked the wind out of you. This was way stronger than any contraction you were feeling.  

Taiju knew this wasn't  right seeing the distress looked in your face. Scooping you in his arms he carried you to the car. The first thing he did was to take you to the hospital.  The small trickle of something between your thighs “no no no .” You began to freak out more. “ it’s too early. Tai, it's too early.” Feeling the contraction coming again stronger.

“______ you need to relax.” He was trying to rush as quickly as possible to the hospital.  “Breath” he didn't know what else to say just breath.

Taiju parked the car. He rushed to get you out seeing how your bottoms were wet. The staff at the hospital quickly got you into the room after hearing the man who was carrying you in his arm shouting for help threatening the staff that if they didn’t get you in a room quickly he was going to raise hell. Hook you up to the monitor and they began to monitor the baby’s heart rate. They notified your doctor about you being admitted for early labor. While waiting for her to arrive the on-call doctor performed the exam. “ right now the contractions you feel were true labor contractions and since your water broke while in the car. Looking at your chart it was recommended to take it easy your last trimester.” 

“She hasn’t.” Taiju spoke looking at you then back at the doctor.

“Being 35 weeks and going into labor there’s a chance the baby can come out fine but then there’s a chance of health risk as well. We can only hope for the best right now. Checking your cervix right now you are about 6cm dilated. It could take up to a few more hours as well before giving birth. We are going to check on you in about an hour.” She said she walked out of the room.

You felt another contraction coming in strong. This was your fault you kept thinking. If I would have just taken it easy I wouldn’t be in this bed. Covering your eyes feeling emotionally overwhelmed. I could have prevented this all. 

He was right next to you. The only thing he could do at this time is try and calm you down. At this time he sounded like a broke record “_____” he responded he removed his hands from your face he could see the tears falling. With both his thumbs wiping them away. “I want you to stop blaming yourself… this is going to cause stress to you and our baby.” He said “ I’m not going to leave your side.”

Sniffling you nodded. The only matter of seconds you could feel his lips pressing against his forehead.  It seemed to be the only thing to help relax you for a bit. You needed him here you couldn't do this yourself.

The countless hours of the pain of labor, you didn’t expect Taiju to be this calm. He was the one to try and calm you down. “I can't do this.” You cried out in pain. 

“I need one more push.”  The doctor spoke. At this point you wanted to tell the doctor off but knowing it would just be the hormones talking. 

Throwing your head back on the pillow. Your head turned to Taiju. “_____ one more push. The baby is almost out.” Brushed the strand away from your face. You nodded at him.

The final push the baby was brought into this world. she was brought into the world but anticipating the cries it was silent. You couldn't hear anything.

“Tai” trying to catch your breath, your vision was a bit blurry “she is not crying. Why isn’t she crying?”  You were trying to be coherent as much as possible. 

Taiju watched the nurses come in one by one as they brought the incubator in trying to clean her up. “What’s happening?”

“Her lungs haven’t fully developed, we need to help her breath.” One of the nurses spoke calmly seeing that this situation was becoming critical. 

Taiju only took his eyes off of you for a second when speaking to the nurses. “Tai..” you called out you felt your vision became more tunneled. 

Turning around he walked closer to the bed. His hand cupping your cheeks “_______….______” he couldn’t get a response, your eyes were lowered.  “ You need to stay up. _______ you got to stay up.” He was freaking out. Hearing the monitor going off for you,  more of the nurses came in everything was  happening so fast “______! What’s going on what’s happening.” He was asking in a louder tone. 

“Sir, we need you to calm down.” The nurses spoke

That was the last thing you heard before you blacked out. Taiju felt himself becoming more impatient as it took security along with some of the doctors to explain what was happening. He didn't want to be kicked out of the hospital. All he could do was wait, people haven’t heard from him. Any call he didn’t pick up. 

Hours had passed before you woke up. Your body is completely sore. Your eyelids felt swollen, “your up.”

Turning your head to the side “how is the baby?” Asking him.

“She is being monitored right now… you passed out a few moments after your blood pressure dropped extremely low.” Taiju closed his eyes for that moment. He felt fear he had flashbacks of his mother passing away in the hospital and a fear that he could have been taken away along with his daughter. “I thought I lost you both at that moment… I prayed to god to keep you both here with me. I don’t ever want to lose you both.”  The blank expression on his face spoke to you.

~~~~~~ 

When you were still passed out the nurses had you stable. They offered to show him where his daughter was. Walking into the NICU he saw multiple babies with different issues going on. When his eyes laid on his daughter he saw how tiny she was  he couldn’t pry his eyes away. She was hooked to so many wires as he watched her tiny chest rise up and down.  He fell in love instantly.  The small little opening where his hands was able to fit his child’s skin was so fragile. He felt the need to pray for her strength. “God, please give my baby all that is required for a good way of life and for a good way of living. Please let this child bring joy and pride to me and my family. I will give all that is needed to this child. And help me to do my best to guard and protect my baby for her lifetime. Amen” 

~~~~~~

You could see the hurt in his face without him even speaking about it. Him being here the whole entire time worried about you and the baby showed he was serious about wanting to fix things... “ you won’t lose us…. I promise. Tai.”  you hand rested on top of his. He just needed to hear those words. His head resting in the bed, your fingers combing through his hair.   

The baby spent two weeks in the hospital until she was cleared to come home. It was all last minute but he managed to turn one of his rooms into the nursery creating a sea theme. 

Taiju constantly cradled his daughter in his arms, soothing her fussiness she began to doze off. He didn’t mind the crying as the doctors encouraged it to help develop her lungs to become stronger. “Is she okay?” Walking into the dimly lit room of the nursery.  You both didn't get much sleep. When you could see how much he loved his daughter.

“She is fine.” Taiju finger caressing her supple cheek. Making your way towards him. He held his daughter with one hand and his other, placing it on your lower back. Kissing your temple. “She is going to have visitors this week.  More people want to meet her.”

“She is already loved by many.” Softly speaking “let’s have her rest we can held back to bed.” 

Taiju gently kissed his child’s forehead, placing her on the crib. Entering the room where you both were, you were back in the position before the baby woke up. His hands wrapped around you. Your head resting on his upper arm. He looked down at you. Noticing the ring that you left with him was back on your finger. “I love you _____ .”

"I love you too tai.” Your hands resting on his cheek leaning in pressing your lips against his. You snuggled into him close once more before your eyes close.

@satanlovesusall666

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[copperbadge]

[ID: Three images; top left, a spray bottle of clear liquid, labeled PRO SPRAY, sits on a gleaming cutting board; top right, Dearborn the tortie glares at the camera from the work desk's copilot basket. Bottom, a white rug with blue patterning in my hallway, surrounded at the edges by dark dustbunny-looking lumps.]

NaClYoHo Day Two! Pardon my grossness.

Yesterday afternoon I did the first of what is usually several trips to the hardware store; I bought spackle, gnat traps, and a PROFESSIONAL spray bottle. PRO SPRAY. It has an adjustable nozzle and measurement marks on the side, so I can dilute the vinegar pretty accurately. Last night I filled it up with vinegar water and laminated the kitchen, and this morning found and killed several weevils it drove out of hiding. It's sitting on the wooden cutting board because I had taken ALL the cleaning supplies out from under the sink and was reminded I should oil my cutting board with some Walrus Oil.

Dearborn is very skeptical about this morning's activity: carpet cleaning.

I threw on an episode of A Date With Dateline, popped in my earbuds, took down my Tineco One X vac and vacuumed for the first time in Slightly Too Long. I didn't get all the way through the house because I was running it on high which drains the battery, but usually vacuuming is a multi-day process. For what I paid for the Tineco I could have a high-end corded vac that does a better job, but I know that I won't use corded vacs because I hate the cord, so I'm okay vacuuming more often with the cordless. In any case, I hit the rugs because the next step was to break out the Hoover Powerdash Pet carpet cleaner and figure out how to use it.

I know I'm dropping a lot of brand names but just because I usually get asked; I don't make money from affiliate links or anything.

Anyway, the Powerdash came to me secondhand from friends who were moving, and for a long time it sat in my hallway in its plastic wrapping because I was intimidated by it. We never had one growing up and I've never really seen one in use. But it turned out that it was super easy to use, you just add water and cleaner to the tank and go; you go over the rug once with the trigger down, to spread water/cleaner, then a second time without the trigger to rinse/dry. I only hit about half of the rugs in my home, just to see how it went, and then stopped because they all seemed to remain very wet after cleaning. (They've since pretty much dried and I'm assured by the internet that's normal.)

The white patterned carpet above is the cats' favorite place to roll around and shed on, and as you can see, those dark dustbunny looking things around the carpet? That's cat hair and other dirt the cleaner pulled up. Gross but visibly effective.

I got a slightly late start so I had myself on a hard time limit; I started at 7, finished up at 8, and still had half an hour left on A Date With Dateline (they sometimes run a bit long). The cleaning solution definitely adds a certain chemical smell to the air, so I'm running the HVAC's fan and I've added "scented candle or incense" to the shopping list. Which I wanted to do anyway; some people always have such nice smelling houses and scent never seems to stick around in mine, but I've never gone hardcore on Making This Place Smell Nice. (Yes, I promise to be careful about what scents I use, I know diffused scents can harm cats.)

Disposable nitrile glove count: Still just 1!

Hardware store trips: 1.....so far.

[redr0sewrites]

🥀2K Follower Event🥀

🥀A/n: hi everyone!!! i've finally made it to 2K followers and i am so soo soooo happy + excited!!! i never thought id make it this far and i am very excited to celebrate with all of you. in honor of me finally reaching this goal, ive created a prompt list below that u can all use to send in requests. thank u all again for helping me on this journey, ily all!!!

🥀How it Works:

send in a request with the prompt number you would like, along with the character(s) you would like me to write it for and whether or not you want the fic to be nsfw/sfw

if you want any additional information on the reader to be included (gender, race, fashion, or any other descriptors) please include those w the request as well

up to 3 characters per request, as i want to realistically be able to finish them all without burning out

prompts may be used twice, but not for the same character. multiple characters may be used for the same prompt but a singular character can not be reused for that prompt.

i will be accepting requests until the event closes, and i will update this post once that happens

if a request goes against my rules and guidelines on my pinned masterpost, the request will simply not be written

i will work on requests chronologically, so please be patient.

🥀Request Format Examples:

hi! can i request prompt #28 with rengoku and a mtf!reader? i'd like the fic to be sfw! tysm and have a great day!

heyy can u write prompt #7 with aaravos and make it nsfw? thx!

can i request prompt #33 (sfw) with jayroy (jason todd and roy harper) x masc!reader? thankss!

🥀Prompts:

"you can't just show up like this! are you hurt?"

"where are you?"

"somebody is in loooveee!!"

"of course they don't like me, that's ridiculous!... did they say anything to you about me?"

"i don't like you- i love you."

"its so cold without you."

"i guess im just disappointed."

"did you hurt them?"

"i can't stand them, their stupid smile and their stupid laugh and their stupid crooked teeth- oh."

"why are your hands so cold?!"

"ive never felt like this before.."

"because i love you! i've loved you since the moment i saw you, i just can't take it anymore. i want you to be with me!"

"i wasted so much time chasing after them, and for what?"

"do you even like me?" "i love you-" "thats not what i asked. sure, you love me, but do you even like me as a person?"

"it feels- it feels good.."

"don't be shy, darling"

"i wish you saw yourself the way that i see you."

"i never hated you!"

"are you mad at me?"

"i'm just so sick of trying to be something im not. i hope you can forgive me."

"please don't cry, shh, your okay."

"i want you, no one else."

"do you trust me?"

"ive never been touched there.."

"i want you inside me/i want to be inside you"

"you taste so sweet.."

"why can't you see that i love you?"

"is that my shirt your wearing?"

"aww, are you stuck baby?"

"i thought i lost you again"

"our baby would be so cute..."

"you're so pretty like this.."

"i love you." "you're drunk, you dont- you don't mean that.."

"i hate how easy it is for me to love you again."

"are you.. scared of me?"

"aw, don't cry prince/ss"

"i need to stay awake, but i'm just so tired... can you stay? please?"

"i'm just going to end up hurting you-" "i know you'd never hurt me"

"would it be embarrassing if i said i missed you?"

"fuck- feel me all up in your guts, baby?"

"stay still, this will only hurt for a second, jus' relax for me, kay?"

"i know you can take it, just breathe"

"i need you so bad.. it hurts-"

"do you wanna join, or are you just gonna keep watching?"

"no one else will get to see me like this, i can promise you that"

"come closer, i need you"

"you look absolutely stunning like this"

"i'm sorry i wasn't there before, but i'm here now, and i always will be"

"i can't get up with you laying on top of me!"

"shit." "what?" "so, uh, theres only one bed.."

most of these i made up myself by just imagining random fanfic scenarios, but a few were ideas from friends, so credit to them! again, thank you all so much for supporting me and for helping me get this far ♥️♥️♥️

[hswriting]

The Moment I Knew- Part 3

[Image Alt ID: a collage of 5 pictures on a light blue background. First picture is of a burger and fries in a take out box. The second picture is of a hospital hallway. The third picture is of a note written on a piece of loose notebook paper that reads “ps. I never told you but I was falling in love”. The fourth picture is of a snow covered road. The final picture is of a person covered up under a blanket with a book on their lap. End Alt ID]

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Masterlist Part 2 Part 4

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3.4k words

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Harry released a new song on his YouTube channel and it has Millie in tears

He starts playing on his keyboard a soft like song.

You’ve never known, how would you? I’ve never told you how I felt. You’re with him now I see you. Come over to your house and he’s there. No matter how hard I try to forget that you exist, the world shows me you again. Here we go again.

It’s always been you somehow. Even when you’re with him. It’s always been you somehow. Somehow.

Now I’m knocking on your door, hoping you remember me. Feel like I’m on a merry go round.

The song continues on and I feel myself crying. It’s so raw. So emotional. He likes somebody so much but he can’t be with them. And while it doesn’t sound like our situation is the same, it hurts a lot to listen to.

I miss Kellen so much. We had so many good times. It felt like magic between us. Somewhere along the line he wanted someone else, but I was stopping him. I hated to let him go but I deserve more than that. Kellen was supposed to be the one. And I can’t even stand to think of dating anyone else but him, but I want to. I want someone to love me for me, not only love me when I’m wanting to have sex. I want someone who will talk to me instead of push me away like Kellen did. I want someone who loves me the way that I love. So wholeheartedly and honest. So fearless and brave. Someone who isn’t ashamed to have me.

I may not be ready now, but I will be. Eventually.

I finish up my journal log and shut the book. I take it to my room and tuck it in my sock drawer even though no one would touch it. I don’t want to risk any wandering eyes. I grab my laptop and open it at the table to start my transcribing job for this week when I hear a knock at the door. I assume it’s Harry because who else would it be? Maybe he forgot something or needs to tell me something he doesn’t want to talk about on the phone. I pause my music and go answer the door.

Kellen is standing there on the steps in a black sweatshirt and grey sweat pants. I feel anxiety creep through my body from my stomach to my fingers and toes.

“Millie.”

“What are you doing at my house?”

“I wanted to talk to you. You won’t answer my calls and texts.”

“I wonder why Kellen.”

“Please let me in? Let’s talk.” He says. I know how stubborn he is. He won’t leave until I talk to him. So I let him in. He kicks off his boots and walks to the couch. He sits down. He doesn’t seem anxious or nervous. I sit down in the chair across the room.

“Millie I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did to you. I want to explain.” He begins.

“Go ahead.” I tell him flatly.

“She trapped me at her house. She made me say those things to you.”

“Who. Sam?”

“Yes. She said she has liked me forever. She made me sleep with her. Millie you have to believe me.” He pleaded. “I love you. I fucking miss you.”

“Why should I believe you? You called me crazy. You said I wasn’t ’putting out’. You didn’t sound forced. You meant every word you said.” I scolded. “You cheated on me, and are here lying to me. You want me back so you don’t have to be alone. I won’t be manipulated like this.”

“Baby I promise you I’m not. I miss you.”

“I missed you at my birthday party. I missed you when you weren’t there to celebrate with me. Fuck Kellen, I missed you when you stopped wanting to come over any more than one day a week. I missed you when I was down and needed someone and you ignored me to do who knows what.”

“Mil-“

“I’m not done. I’m not taking you back. I hate you for what you did. I’m so angry and upset. You made me feel worthless! You wouldn’t have bragged to your friends what you did had you been forced Kellen. I’m not stupid.”

“You’re going to regret letting me go. You’re gonna regret every minute I’m not beside you. You’re pathetic without me. I feel bad for the next asshole who likes you.”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” I say with gritted teeth trying not to cry again. He slides his boots back on and slams the door. It’s quite for a beat, but then there is yelling outside. I can’t quite make out what they are saying. I hurry as fast as I can to put a coat and boots on and run outside to see Kellen in front of Harry’s car. Harry is stepping out of it.

“Perfect fucking timing. Of course you would try and scoop her up like this after she breaks up with me. What a hero!” Kellen says.

“That’s not what’s happening Kellen and you know it.”

“I know that you like her. You always have. Did you think I didn’t notice how you looked at her when we would all hang out?”

“Kellen. Stop.”

“No. If I’m gonna be thrown away like trash you guys are gonna know what I have to say before I go.”

“You better leave her alone. She doesn’t want anything to do with you.” He says. Before I can even blink Kellen punches Harry across the face. I try to run to him but I slip on the ice and land on my back, hitting my head on the ground. My vision gets blurry and I soon black out.

- - -

When I come back from blacking out, I am in an ambulance. I look around but I can’t move my head. I try to look around but all I see is paramedics.

“What happened?” I ask.

“You slipped and hit your head. You lost consciousness you also cut the back of your head on a rock or ice. You need to try and be still. We have you in a brace and are bandaging up your head.” The one woman said.

“Where is he?”

“Where is who honey?

“I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember?”

“You’ll remember soon. Post concussion amnesia doesn’t typically last long.” She says as she applies more bandages.

We finally reach the hospital and they take me in and carefully take me out of the brace. I guess it’s just a precaution since I fell. They remove bloody bandages and stitch up my head where it was cut. They said I will have to have the stitches removed in a few weeks. They gave me some papers on post concussion procedures. They said they would have my discharge papers as soon as they could.

A man I recognize walks in and I suddenly can remember his name. Harry.

“How are you feeling Millie?”

“My head really hurts. Both the headache and the stitches.”

“I was really worried. I didn’t know you were standing outside. You fell and I saw blood and panicked.”

“I don’t really remember what happened.” I told him. “Lady said I should remember stuff again soon.”

“You don’t remember?”

“No. What happened to your face?” I say looking closer to see a light bruise appearing.

“It’s not important.” He says. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay since it was my fault.” He said, letting the last part slip.

“Your fault? Harry tell me what happened.” I demand.

“I don’t know what happened before I got there, but I pulled into your house to give you the earmuffs you left in my car. When I got there Kellen had just slammed your front door. He saw me and started arguing and fighting.” As he recounts the events, I slowly begin to remember.

“You’re going to regret letting me go. You’re gonna regret every minute I’m not beside you. You’re pathetic without me. I feel bad for the next asshole who likes you.”

“I know that you like her. You always have. Did you think I didn’t notice how you looked at her when we would all hang out?” Kellen came over and tried to get me back.

“It’s always been you somehow. Even when you’re with him.” Harry’s song.

“He said some really mean things. I’d regret this. He said you liked me.” I said, telling him that I remember. “Why would he say those things?”

“Millie I-“ he starts but the doctor comes in with discharge papers. Tells Harry to make sure I don’t do anything too strenuous and to relax for the next 24 hours. Harry walks me out to his car in silence. He opens the door for me and helps me in. He walks around to the other side and hops in.

“Can I go home?”

“You can go wherever you want to. The doctor did say you really need someone to keep an eye on you for the next 24 hours to make sure you’re okay. If you want me to be that person I can, or I can call Rachel-”

“Rachel isn’t going to come over. If you don’t mind you can be my person. Does that mean we have to go to your house?”

“It’s up to you. Where do you want to be? If you want to stay at my house you can, but if you want me to stay at your house I can.” He says and I take a moment to think. My house is messy, but I don’t want to force my way into his house and eat all of his food and take up that kind of space. I’m lucky he even still wants to be around me after he got punched in the face in my behalf. I can’t ignore what Kellen said about Harry liking me. Harry told me he wasn’t trying to be like that and take advantage, but what if Kellen was right? Harry seems too sweet to ever want to try anything like that. But the chorus of his song rings in my head. This much thought makes my head hurt even worse.

“You can stay at mine. You’ll probably need clothes though if you want to change.”

“Right. I’ll stop at my place and grab my things and then we can go to yours. Sound like a plan?” He says and I nod. He makes a few more turns and we are at his place again. “Do you want to come in?”

“I think I’m gonna sit here and close my eyes for a second. My head is pounding.”

“Okay. I won’t be long.” He says. He quickly jumps out and goes inside. I want to text Rachel to see what she knows about Harry and these accusations into liking me, but I know I’m not supposed to be on my phone. I close my eyes and lay my head against the cold window. I drift off.

I am startled when I hear the drivers door open and Harry is climbing back in. He throws his bag into the back seat and buckles his seat belt. “Didn’t mean to scare you, love. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just dozed off I guess.” I tell him sleepily. He drives the short distance to my house and parks. I let him open my door again and we walk to the front of the house. I grab my keys from my purse and begin to pick out the one to the door, but my fingers don’t want to work. They are slow to grab the key. I try to put it in the lock but can’t seem to get it where it needs to be.

“Would you like help?” He asks gently. I nod and hand him the key. He swiftly puts it in and opens the door. We kick off our boots and I find my way to the couch. Harry turns on my small heater and covers me with a blanket. “It’s about dinner time. Did you want me to fix something for you? Or do you want me to order out?”

“I can cook, it’s okay Har.” I tell him and he seems a bit surprised by the nickname.

“You need to rest. Let me help you out. You’re recovering.”

“I just remembered, weren’t you supposed to go to work?”

“I called out. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He says and my heart melts a little from it. He didn’t have to stay, but he did.

“That was sweet. I appreciate it.” I say. “Where do you want to get food from?” I ask him. “I’ll let you cook another day if you really want to.” I said and he chucked. We bounced ideas back and forth before we decided on burgers. He had them door dashed to us. While we are waiting, he sits in the chair where Kellen sat this morning. He grabs his bag and pulls out his journal.

“Do you mind?” He asks. I shake my head. He opens a pen and begins to write. He hums on and off as his pen dances across the page. He is so focused on what he is doing, that he begins to chew on the pen. He brings his knees up into the chair and writes with the journal in his lap.

“Are you working on a new song?” I ask. His eyes shoot up at me and he gives me a smile.

“How did you know?” He questions.

“You hum and then stop to write. Him again and stop. It was just a guess.”

“Yeah. Just trying to figure out how some of the words should go.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Your songs on YouTube are wonderful.” I tell him and heat rises to his face.

“You listened to them?” He asks sheepishly. He places the ribbon in his journal and closes it.

“Yeah. You mentioned it earlier so I came home and listened to it while I wrote in my journal. You have a really beautiful voice Har.”

“Which songs did you listen to?”

“All of them. ‘Falling’ is my favorite.” I tell him. I don’t think he could blush any more than he is now.

“Well, if you like it so much, you should come and see me perform this weekend. If you’re feeling better.”

“I will be there.” I tell him and he smiles from ear to ear. “Your music is just so raw. So emotional. It made me cry.”

“I’m sorry I made you cry, but I do write about things in my life that are very personal.”

“I can tell. I wanted to ask who your song was about that you released this morning? That’s if you want to share, I don’t want to make you.”

“Just about someone in my life. I don’t really feel comfortable sharing that yet. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay to not want to talk about it. As long as you’re happy having it out there is what’s important.”

“I am. I really like the way it turned out.”

“Me too.” I tell him. “Can you play it for me? I’m not supposed to be on my phone or I would.”

“How about I do you one better.” He says softly and pulls out his phone. He comes closer to me and sits in the floor. He presses play and an instrumental starts. His wonderful voice fills my ears. I study his features as he performs.he does it loud enough so I can hear, but he is careful not to have it too loud and worsen my pain. His eyes are shut to start, really focusing on the words. His face is so peaceful. Beautiful even. His eyes open to reveal a sparkling green looking at me as he sings the chorus. Before I know it, the song is over, and he sits and stares at me for a moment before getting up and going back to his chair.

“Any comments?” He asks. I shake my head.

“No. It was perfect. Even better in person.” I tell him. He picks his journal up and sets it in his lap again, but doesn’t open it. He takes a long hard look at it, curls hanging over his eyes.

A knock is rapped on the door. Harry answers it and collects our food and drinks. I sit up slowly and uncover myself. He sits the food on the coffee table and starts taking things out of the bags. He passes me my bottle of water and encourages me to drink that before I drink my soda that I got. I don’t feel like putting up much of a fight so I drink it all and place the bottle back on the table. We eat while talking to each other more about things we didn’t know about each other.

He broke his arm when he was 11 in a trampoline wrestling match with his friends. He once played a drinking game with Jason and the crew. He doesn’t remember much but he woke up with a full face of makeup (luckily no pictures were sharpied onto his skin that night). He likes to listen to old records that remind him of his dad. He also has a baby niece that he babysits from time to time named Layla.

“So do you have any family? You don’t really talk about them, and I don’t see any pictures.”

“Um, no I don’t. My parents died when I was really young. I don’t remember them. I don’t know if I have any aunts and uncles. I was in a group home until I was 18.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not hurt about it. I just wish I had been adopted so I could have had some sort of family.” I tell him. He looks sad. “Really, don’t be upset for me. I’m okay”

“I know you are. I just don’t know what I would have done without my family. I can’t even imagine.” He says.

“One of the plus sides of growing up in the group home was that I learned I could choose my own family. Not blood, not being adopted, but I can choose who I keep in my life. It’s a work in progress. I haven’t found anyone worthy of the title yet, but I know they are out there somewhere.”

“I hope you find them soon.” He says, putting no pressure on me to label him or anyone else in my life. I give him a smile. We finish our dinner quickly. I grab a book from my bedroom and read for a few minutes before drifting off.

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“Hey. Millie. I know you’re tired but you have to wake up for a few minutes.” I hear a voice say. I grunt. “I know, love, but it’s just for a minute and then you can go back to sleep.” He says. I open my eyes to see Harry.

“I’m alive. I’m not brain dead. May I go to bed?” I ask him. He nods.

“Of course love. Just needed to check in on you. Come here.” He says. I close my eyes again and he scoops me up. I bring my arms to my chest and he gently carries me to my bed. I didn’t realize how strong he was. I know I’m not exactly light to carry. His cologne smells amazing. I’ve never noticed it before. He tucks me in and brushes the hair off of my face before turning off my light and closing the door. I fall back asleep only to be awoken again a few times through the night to make sure I’m okay.

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In the morning I allow him to make breakfast. It’s adorable how he tied up his hair and put in my apron. He did not go light on breakfast either. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, and orange juice.

He does the dishes when we are finished. He journals while I read some more of my book, and before we are aware, the 24 hour watch period is over. Harry doesn’t say anything when his timer goes off. He just shuts it off and keeps writing.

“You really are allowed to go home Har, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“It’s up to you. I know it’s been 24 hours but if you want me to go I can. If you want me to stay I will.”

“I’ve got a pretty busy day of work since I missed yesterday. If you want to stay you’re more than welcome to I just need to shower and hop on my laptop.”

“If you’re going to work, I think I’ll go home, but you can message me, okay? I work tonight until 7, but I’m allowed to have my phone.”

“Okay. Thanks again Harry. It really means a lot.”

“It’s no problem, love. You have a good day, okay? Don’t stress yourself out today. You’re still recovering.” He says as he slides his boots and coat on. “If you need anything please call me.” He says. I nod and he walks out the door.

I begin my work and the day passes by quickly.

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Masterlist Part 2 Part 4

[docilepillow]

April 2024 Media diary

yea im good thanks PSEUDOREGALIA

by part this game and by part not really this game's kinda burning me out lol like the games objectively good i think its just the game style and some of the design choices that kind of abbrasively make me not like this game as much as i should like i love goats i love platformers i love metroidvanias but after finishing this game i dont really say i lik it persay but at the end i can only bring myself to only hate aspects of it , more then anything? like the ccombats ok its nothing flashy. and like. the main mechanic of this is wall kicking, whicch feels cool as hell . the movement in this game is great. but with how hands-off it is , and in combination with the nonlinearity and intended sequence breaking you can do, it is * horrifically * easy to get lost. i hear an earlier version of this game didn't even have a map, which is awful for this genre in my opinion. id describe this game as very frustrating and it feels like 90 percent of the time you're hitting your head against a wall trying to go anywhere, which, for some people, is absolutely fantasstic. im sure trying to fedangle around with this moveset is awesome. but i spent most of the game just wanting to get the full moveset as soon as possible, because, allthough a completely deterministic game as far as i'm aware, progressing from place to place feels really convoluted. i feel like in between grunting " ugh " and " I want this to be over with " and " god i wish there was an upgrade for this " and " i'm SO lost..! " the game has great ambiance and area design and theres plenty to do, i just kinda wish you had like . a few more quality of life features in the game. like . idk. like an area completion counter for each area, or a cursor for where you're located on the map.... Then again , i dont think thiss game was designed with that in mind, so i think it's just a shame or for people that just aren't like me. Yea, sybil is cute, i guess. ill give credit for that. i just cant really see that over what's , for the bulk of it, a stressful affair that feels like guesswork and trail and error. if this game ever gets a big qol update, i'd probably love it a whole lot more, but once again, i'm pretty sure thats an intentional artistic decision to reflect the era it's from . i went into this wanting to like it a whole lot more, i promise, but this is like a 5 out of 10 game ( for me personally ) ... i basically spent alot of it mentally appologizing to nmh2 for some reason. i need a break for today. i'm kind of really dissapointed right now THE CROODS video game movie

its cool

Also, on the topic of mario maker 2, which, technically, i finished last month, i DID in fact finish mario maker 2's story mode! i simply neglected to before andd i think it's okay. i think its a little bit better then the 3ds version's array of levels, and, playing them so close together, i'm honestly surprised they didn't try to impliment the acheivements you can get in those levels in this game, given the fact that so much is tracked by clear conditions in MM2. i wonder if that was a prototype feature they tried early in 3ds before implimenting it in the sequel? Oh well. i'm glad they just ddint implliment the clear condition where you cant get grabbed by claws, those are just the absolute worst..!

Daemonis Algebra

https://gothbingarbage.itch.io/daemonisalgebra

This one's actually nice and special, because i can say some friends of mine made it! It's for a gamejam, so it's pretty simple, but i think it's relatively effective for the kind of hectic gameplay they were going for with it. I'm actually a little bit clumsy when it comes to assembling the little " creature " you're putting together by running around the map, and, i get the sense they're supposed to match,but, given my luck / level of coordination, my creatures usually end up looking something like this --

Oops. It very much affectionately reminds me of older styled flash games you'd find on coolmath, though it's definitely a lot more polished then most of the ones i think of aestetically and mechanically. You just kind of dash around and collect charming little monster parts. It's a little hard to figure out what part's a leg or an arm or the like sometimes ( I actually thought my animal's head was an arm ); but i'm really confident in saying thats a genuine creative decision- it's kind of like a cute little cartoon dilema. i absolutely love this game's cute spritework and music!!!!!!!!!! go play it right now stupid!!!!!

( I Got Sidetracked And Am Doing The Entries For Everything Below At The Last Minute Because Of Nocturne ) THE PRINCESS BRIDE

I've seen this movie before, but i think it still holds up good. An overall solid movie with basically everything you could want from a classic film. Very very watchable with people or alone. You can't really complain with the film at all but i dont havve any new thoughtss on it or anything pokemon scarlet violet epilogue

TLDR; techniiicallly i've finished scarlet-violet a long, long time ago, and i mostly just.... forgot about it up until decently recently, after the prior movie i think, and was prodded to give it a try by a friend. I think some of the writing at the start is charming enough and it's not completely a waste like the rest of the game , but i'm still of the strong opinion that this dlc isn't even half the bar set by Swoshi's entire DLC lineup, which is a little bit sad.... I guess that's what happens when you rush out an open world supermassive entry in a series known for scopecreep and capital interest..? That seems a bit cynical, but I don' t really remember much of my thoughts about it in retrospect, now. It's a little out of the way, but i'd hate to see what happens to this event when servers go down and you can't get pecharunt's item anymore.

POKEROGUE

There isn't really a good image to represent this game, so just the logo will do, i guess. TLDR, I think this is a fangame with a cute idea, and psudo-decent execution , but it's definitely still a work in progress. the earlygame grind where you're just trying to get started is absolutely brutal in a way that is simply just---- timeconsuming and not that much fun at all. If you want to check out the game yourself, I reccomend catching a paldean tauros as soon as possible so you can use it at the start of future runs. The basegame is set to last around 200 rounds, so it's definitely a massive time commitment to try, but once you do get a run going, it can be fun. I still think the earlygame needs ironing out and some of the moves aren't fully implemented yet because it's still new. I'll be honest and mostly say i jumped on this one out of a bandwagon. If you're curious to see me try a run, this clip might still be up for anyone to watch, but i wouldn't count on it forever - https://streamable.com/44j2v2 STRONG BAD'S COOL GAME FOR ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE

( The first 4 episodes, out of 5 . I ran out of time, once again, thanks to nocturne. Oops! )

SBCGFAP on wiiware is a game based around homestar runner, which i've mostly come to appreciate only recently this year. I got into it around February, where me and my boyfriend incidentally started watching it around the tail end of our trip. A few months later, and i'm super endeared by this show's writing style! It sort of feels like how something like Castlevania or Spore feel like to me now, in that it's not really a thing that's upkept anymore that much, with sparing crumbs of new stuff to see thrown out in little rations . So, when i got home, and, having recently re-modded my wii u ( And, with a Vwii setup, in part due to my sister wanting to play the overseas unreleased Mystery Dungeon games, the means to play wiiware in a way that i'm sure would've been fine to set up, actually, because dolphin is also awesome, just, more convenient for me because it wouldn't be taking up my laptop's storage space ) ; i proposed playing this game with him in call , which we did for a while! I'd say as a complete novice to the Point N' Click and also Telltale Game genre that the writing was pretty suitable. The scenarios are mostly just standard homestar runner stuff, and it did keep a big smile on my face. I actually think my favorite episode so far was the first one, looking back on it, considering how much Homestar is in it and how the puzzles ended up being lighter, but that's to my own preference. I think these games are worth looking into if you have a modded Wii U around, which im sure some people do. I imagine most people getting into HSR would've already watched a lets play or something on youtube already..! Anyway, i think this is good. i think people should give it a try even outside the inherit fact that this game is nearly lost media. I didn't get to finish the trogdor episode more then halfway before getting sidetracked by college preperation stuff. Sorry.. PORTAL 2 - COOPERATIVE TESTING INITATIVE ( technically properly capitalized! )

I've actually never finished any of the portal games! I'm too stupid to finish them ! But my boyfriend is hella into it and I know the story stuff already! And we both haven't done the co-op stuff before! So we did ! On a whim ! And i don't QUITE feel comfortable putting it on my backloggd until i at least finish the singleplayer campaign as well, so that puts me in a neat spot! id like to think i wasnt ccomplete dead weight in this playthrough but i was a little dumb. this game leads to fun banter and silly fun though it lends itself well to being coop and it's not as confusing as it would be when you're working with someone compitent who can backseat you as you completely misinterpret his directions. I'm honestly shocked how high the steam statistic for clearing this mode is , look at this ---

Do a fifth of people really play this???? I can kind of believe that but really ? damn! ! ! ! thats pretty cool you dont usually see numbers like this for modes like this. I'm a little bit sad there aren't more multiplayer co-op experiences like this, but that's kind of what makes them special in the first place. SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI III - NOCTURNE

This game has been one i've been procrastinating on trying since finishing SMT IV and IV-A nearly a year ago now, just in part because of it's reputation as a brutal, arduous journey of an RPG. I've heard many good things about this game. I've heard many bad things about this game. I've heard many things about this game's remaster, and I have it bought on both Steam and PS4. I dunno. Just because it was an SMT game on PS4. The primary thing that's making me finish it now is mostly just in part due to the only game i'm looking forward to, shin megami tensei V - Vengeance, coming out in around a little over a month as of typing this-- and, considering V on switch was how i got into the game, i MOSTLY know what to expect. Though, i never got to finish the DLC in that game . AND if i finished nocturne, i could confidently tackle every ounce of that game's new content under a fresher lens then JUST a series newcomer. I have really high hopes for V-V, but that's not really what this game is about. I knew already in advance that i would need to section off a very large period of time for this game going in , so I basically ended up sticking to logging in a couple of hours over the whole month when not fixating on anything else media wise or when not doing important college preperation shit that I need to get done and in fact STILL HAVE THINGS TO DO FOR. And still i only just barely about had enough time to do it!!! SMT nocturne , for the most part, and as long as you have some expectation and experience in the traditional RPG genre, isn't actually that bad difficulty wise. Like, as long as you're prepared, you'll actually fare way better then in some of the other games in the series that i've played, which is nice. Like, outside something like a super unlucky light / dark magic oneshot hitting you once and a while, as long as you're dilligent and prepare and use the systems you're given, you'll live. Like, i'm not gonna say this is how you get into SMT, but it's reputation is only MOSTLY overblown as unfair and stupidly difficult. But, because i'm stupid, and dont understand the ramifications of my actions, i went for the best ending on my first playthrough, cus, once again, i'm using it as a thing to do before SMT 5 V comes out so i can fully enjoy both. Now, apparently, for most people, it takes 110 hours or so to do the " true demon " ending, but i mostly went in , i dont wanna say rushing, but i mostly went through the game with as little as i'd need to thrive, i guess. optimized? Idk. I think most of the game is very intuitave and very enjoyable. its very somber and very dungeon crawly, and i think its gameplay rules. i think i like IV more still but i think this game is cool most of the time when you don't get cosmiclly unlucky . but like. the final bosses of this game are just fucking cheaterss that kill you . the last dungeon of this game took me like 10 hours by itself its insane thats like my only gripe. like. sometimes id pull up a guide when a boss has like null physical and it kills me because the game doesn't let you double check matchups like the games after it, or when theres a particularly convoluted way forward ( Note - by convoluted, i mostly just mean, i'm too stupid to navigate most 3d games without getting lost at some point unless it's perfectly linear ), or just for convenience, but it's a very fair level of challenge for most of the way if you know what to look out for. my only regret with this game is i'm sorry about any friend discussions ive completely halted by bringing this game up all the time in conversation. oops... That and it takes a surprising amount of effort to go through alos idkd idkd ddikd i just wnana get this log done its way too late at night also i was assuming naively that Nocturne would be my 100th logged game since i've started documenting my own media diaries, but because of how things turned out, it's closer to the 97th on backlogged. Oops! That's an arbitrary achievement only i care enough about! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aloi9Cj6wFA

[gardenoblues]

Fic Tag Game

tagged by @iamfandomcrazy @therulerofallpotatos @dark-visitors sorry it took time to reply, y'know uni stuff and shit <33

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? -8 2. What's your Ao3 word count? -46,208

3. What fandoms do you write for? -Wednesday, ENHYPEN (and Raise Tanin ga ii tho i doubt id write for this again) 4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? gee this is embarrassing i really dont have much 1. BloodyLocks (311) 2.Hyde The Past (74) 3. The Pastor's Son (50) 4. you never forget your first (63) 5. Who doesn't love The Smiths? (39)

In Wednesday? -its the same fics above 5. Do you respond to comments? -I try to reply to all as much as possible but if they aren't positive comments i just erase them lol. But I do appreciate the comments (not like I have a lot but nonetheless they make my day) 6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? -It's not written yet, still in the drafts and I won't spoil >< but to answer that question, I don't think I have written angst, I'm still figuring my way as a writer and if I will to write angst I want it to hurt but with purpose, and I'm not sure how to do that yet. 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? -all my fics aren't done yet. except for you never forget your first. that's pretty happy, well the Wyler version of happy.

8. Do you get hate on fics? -So far so good. But I do think that I hold back my ideas because I'm still so scared in writing them. Maybe someday when I get bolder I'd get them. Can't wait actually lol. 9. Do you write smut? What kind? -Yes. But it's just light smut. I just begun writing so I'm still exploring myself in that area.

10. Do you write cross-overs? -No, but it sounds interesting. Maybe when I get the idea. 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? -Not that I know of. Prob not. 12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? -Nope. But I would love to if chance comes! 13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will? -My Reaper and Hyde The Past I have a whole plan laid for these 2. Both drained me until now, but I don't think I'd want to die while they're still unfinished. I will finish them as I promised myself no matter how long that takes. 14. What's your all-time favorite ship? -Wyler! It's more likely that I won't find another ship that tops them. (Just last night I wrote like 2 story of drafts abt them lol they're my favorite brainrot)

15. What are your writing strengths? -Narrating and dialogue. Having tons of ideas for a fic.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? -Thinking for the fic in the long run, and missing out some of the details that can make the fic more, not sure how but just more, and this factor makes me write slower. As well as being too self-conscious and ending up complying to the safest choice. Oh and fight scenes, they just seem like fairies fist-fighting when I read them lol makes me laugh. 17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? - I've thought so much about Wyler in Filipino. Somehow they can fit, but I don't think I have the determination for that yet. This made me remember @ablatheringblatherskite idea for Filipino/cultural mythological creatures for some reason, I want to write a fic about that someday as I know a lot about Filipino folklores.

18. First fandom you wrote for? -WYLER. It's BloodyLocks I had my ao3 acc made months before just so I can comment to the fics I liked with ease. But when Wednesday came out, I suddenly became a fic writer lol. Thanks to their dynamic, I have one more hobby that drives me slowly to insanity. 19. Favorite fic you've ever written? -Hmm, I thought of Hyde The Past right away, (I have a lot, I mean A LOT, that I have written for this fic, but its hard to connect them now) it pushes me to the edge of burnout. At the moment The Pastor's Son is the easiest to write and I'm personally liking where it's going.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day? -Hyde The Past If I can rewind time, I would write it so much better and wouldn't rush. You can say that when I wrote that fic I was in my lowest, and it hurts my eyes and brain when I try to read it as I think of what should happen next. It's probably one of the reasons why it's taking me so long to finish it.

I'm tagging @tastethesetears @cosmic-lullaby @nouklea @lovepoison9 @writerrose1998 @chinita-inzunza @ablatheringblatherskite @anotherbluesunday @chaoticstupiddm i don't know who was been tagged and if you have u can just ignore this <33

[piggyette]

i treat ask games like surveys this is make me admit stuff by lost-head-adventure or smth idk its deactiviated

Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

not including messages i consider too private to share on tumblr. yes

You talked to an ex today, correct?

nope.

Have you taken someones virginity?

no i dont think so. all of my partners have been more experienced than me

Is trust a big issue for you?

yes ): im working on it

Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

i like lots of people but as far as "crushes", no not recently. i should though

What are you excited for?

my partner system to get home from work. our next grocery run. autumn. my birthday next month

What happened tonight?

i posted about that today but, other than all that, i ate some pizza... honestly i should write or record or something tonight

Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

no? wasted chicks are super funny

Is confidence cute?

confidence is hot yeah

What is the last beverage you had?

a monster. i should get water or something

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

none but i dont really talk to a lot of people. only the women in my family and i cant trust them. its not about being the opposite sex tho

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

yes

What are you gonna do Saturday night?

its sunday rn but yesterday i cried so hard i gave myself a headache and listened to a new album

What are you going to spend money on next?

probably a new microphone or sushi

Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

yes

Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

yes? of course

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my partner system, but specifically mar, rich, robin, and trent

The last time you felt broken?

today at like 7pm

Have you had sex today?

yeah lol <3

Are you starting to realize anything?

being 23 aint shit. i dont know fuckin anything.

Are you in a good mood?

its alright. could be better

Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

yeah theyre chill

Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

no thank gawd. otherwise id be the type of douchebag to go around calling my shit hazel.

What do you want right this second?

a haircut... jack... a punch to the jaw. (not sft text beyond this point to the end of the answer) to be dressed up in vinyl lingerie to match someone elses military gear and ride his dick while gagging on his fingers

What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

nothing. id end up in jail

Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

nah i recently dyed my roots again. its black but im a natural blonde

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

usually people who arent intentionally witty are unintentionally hilarious so thats hard to picture. but if our humor just isnt compatible i mean. maybe. probably not tho that speaks to a lot of other shit

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

@fuckin-pistol-whipped's replies

Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah. sunset eyes, if this somehow gets back to you, im sorry i didnt give you a better warning. ill be back sooner than you know. it wont be months this time. i want to figure something out but i dont want to keep giving you half promises. soon, i dont know when. i love you. it means something, i swear.

Does everyone deserve a second chance?

yeah id say so

Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

sometimes <3

Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

oh yeah for sure. i think we're in a situationship. maybe we're dating? idk i cant rember. god i need to see him again soon. i should watch some videos or smth

Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

nah but i usually drink diet soda. if im buying it out at like a gas station or smth ill go full sugar cuz its just a one time thing but. i think i drink two diet cokes a day. i dont always finish em

Listening to?

+ shuffle queue

Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

yeah but i prefer pen tbh. i keep like two hand notebooks a pencil and a pen on me at all times

Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

probably at his house with his cats. or with his band

Do you believe in love at first sight?

i believe in instant chemistry but love is kinda something u collaborate on. its like a living thing. ive recently figured out that two people can be in love and still wanna maim each other a little bit from time to time

Who did you last call?

@fadenkreuze but thats like a given. it was @antichristxsuperstar in front

Who was the last person you danced with?

my cat. it counts, in my book

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

we were having sex and i guess my mouth just looked that good hanging open and drooling

When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

i dont think its been a year but. it was probably springtime i wanna say-- no, late winter. valentines day cupcakes. mini ones.

Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

nah im not a hugger. he knows i like him ok tho

Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

i dont believe in embarassment. but yea sometimes i make a fool of myself. usually it makes em giggle and then its fine <3

Do you tan in the nude?

i do a lot of things in the nude but i dont tan. im goth so

If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

i dont remember it

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yes actually it was rich. hey rich

Who was the last person to call you?

Do you sing in the shower?

yes sometimes but i sing all the time

Do you dance in the car?

Ever used a bow and arrow?

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Do you think musicals are cheesy?

no theyre an art form. i think A musical can be cheesy but not all of em. having said that ive never been a huge theater person but ill watch a bootleg every now and then

Is Christmas stressful?

it doesnt have to be but some people make it stressful. its lonely tbh

Ever eat a pierogi?

yep. theyre p good

Favorite type of fruit pie?

peach

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

equestrian, veternarian, rockstar.

Do you believe in ghosts?

"do you believe in barometric pressure" "do you believe in wool fibers" "do you believe in the oxidation of metals"

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

all the time

Take a vitamin daily?

Wear slippers?

yes and i encourage others to do so as well

Wear a bath robe?

nope too warm and humid where i am

What do you wear to bed?

the buff

First concert?

it was a festival for nu metal bands in like 2008 or something. metalfest i think it was? or something close to that name. i dont remember all the acts that played but mudvayne was there i know for sure

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

in my town theres only a walmart but i prefer target

Nike or Adidas?

Cheetos Or Fritos?

fritos are more versatile. remind me of chilis and soups

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Ever take dance lessons?

Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

yeah. professional cocksucker

Can you curl your tongue?

some people cant do that?

Ever won a spelling bee?

this is a traumatizing memory for me i refuse to elaborate

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes often. usually during sex

What is your favorite book?

i hate these questions cuz then i forget every single book ive ever read. idk ill say the most recent book i read. the long hard road out of hell by marilyn manson

Do you study better with or without music?

with but it has to be instrumental or so loud its mind numbing owwww speaking of my ear fuckin hurts fuck you billy corgan

Regularly burn incense?

not anymore

Ever been in love?

Who would you like to see in concert?

obvious answers are like. mm. nin. slipknot (but like in 2002 or smth).

What was the last concert you saw?

in person? i dont even remember. its been over a decade

Hot tea or cold tea?

cold tea always preferable

Tea or coffee?

coffee. also cold

Favorite type of cookie?

sugar cookie or chocolate chip

Can you swim well?

nah

Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yes??

Are you patient?

extraordinarily

DJ or band, at a wedding?

either or. both? both

Ever won a contest?

nope

Ever have plastic surgery?

nah

Which are better black or green olives?

ew

Opinions on sex before marriage?

theres another type of sex?

Best room for a fireplace?

the den

Do you want to get married?

yes

[devondespresso]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @museumgiftshoperaser

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

technically 2, but its a sfw and nsfw version of the same fic fhajklfjdalfjk

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

...6,357. i promise i write.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

just stranger things so far, but i have seriously thought about writing about Fender's gender from Robots (2005) and I promised my friend a Shark Tale fic for their birthday fjalhfdjkalfdj

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Never Again

Never Again (sfw)

fascinating statistics arent they

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

never gotten comments on ao3, i do reply to what i get on tumblr tho because it literally makes my day

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

(including my unposted work) Never Again, tho i think its more bittersweet than unrelenting angst

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

tho its technically not finished, We'll Be Alright (Steve Henderson AU) has a very happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

im gonna say no? despite writing something spicy at the beginning of Never Again it was not a good time (for me or Nancy)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

haven't yet, and while i wont write them off entirely itd have to have really strong potential for me to want to do it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and i dont know how well id go. on the one hand im usually good at group stuff but im also an annoying perfectionist with my writing

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

platonically stobin 100%. i dont get nearly as attatched to the romantic ones so i kinda just bounce around the fandom. Really love a lot of the steve harrington rairpairs floating around, plus robin and vickie

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I dont realllly have a writing wip i know i wont finish cause i've just been posting those vague ideas instead of actually writing them becuase i know i wont. My only active wip is the steve henderson au and im hoping praying to god that i dont suddenly loose passion for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue probably, coming up with how different characters are saying things, what theyre saying, what they mean, all the little differences in their voices, I love it. that and having characters interact with the environment

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

overthinking and underthinking, stopping myself from making something happen or a character do something because theres this pull in my chest telling me its wrong. even just standard selfishness or saying something without the express intent of making sure it wont hurt someones feelings. i also start sentences with verbs djaldjdjaf

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

makes sense if characters are speaking multiple languages i guess. depends on pov and how limited it is to the pov character. like if the pov character doesnt speak spanish it'd be better to write "and they said something in spanish they didnt understand" instead of writing the spanish out assuming the audience doesnt know it either

19. First fandom you wrote for?

stranger things

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

definitely my steve henderson au. i wish it was shared already but at the same time i've editied and changed so much im glad i havnt officially yet. its helped me work through a lot and has even caused noticable improvement in my relationship with my family even if they dont know it exists. i cant promise itll be fully posted soon, but i am so exited for when i do

tagging @stobinesque @marvel-ous-m @eriquin @itsthestrangestthings @findafight @fag4dykestobin (no pressure ofc 💕)

[hack-me-jake]

not the same - chapter 1

Characters : Jake x MC (Jade).

Words : 1641.

A YEAR LATER

"Ma'am, would you like to order something?" the waitress asks me again with the same calmness in her tone, smiling more brightly. I notice her red lipstick on the side of her teeth.

"Ma'am?" she asks again when I don't reply, she adds "Is he not coming?"

Of course, she knows I'm waiting for someone. I had been sitting in that restaurant for an hour checking my phone every few minutes and biting my nails in nervousness. At this point, anyone would know that I got stood up. This suddenly reminded me of Dan. I had made fun of him back then, but now that I know what it feels like. Trust me, it doesn't feel very good. Even if you don't care or love the person who didn't turn up.

I order myself a chicken salad and orange juice solely because it didn't seem appropriate to leave the restaurant after I had occupied their table for an hour.

When I looked around me, everything was normal. There were couples, some were with their families, everyone having a good time with their loved ones. What would life feel like if my parents were still alive and healthy? what would it be like to have a sister or a brother? How amazing would that be, be around people you care so much about and when you know they love you too?

Tears fill my eyes and I quickly wipe them with the back of my hand. No, I cannot cry and embarrass myself more tonight, I remind myself. I have to pretend to be normal, finish what I have ordered, and get out of here.

After ten minutes of chewing rapidly and gulping the juice, the mission is complete. Sure, I could see some people and the staff staring at me like I was a monster but I didn't care. I'm not coming here again anyway. I pay with my card and walk out as if I'm in a rush.

I promised myself to never go on a blind date ever again on the way back to my apartment. I could invest my time in dating and maybe if I tried I could really find love again. but I guess I didn't want to try.

because of him... My heart whispers and I scream out loud as if that thought would go away but it never does. He never leaves my mind even if it has been a long time now. I try explaining to myself again that surely he must've moved on by now, gotten busy with his own life. Surely, I didn't mean anything to him. It was stupid to believe that he would contact me once I was invaluable to him. But if that were the case, he wouldn't have confessed-

my phone vibration brings me back to reality, the caller ID shows "Ellie." I pick up clearing my throat.

"So? How was it?"  her voice makes me smile.

"It was.. amazing." I hadn't planned on lying but I only did it so she would stop worrying about me and setting me up on blind dates every week. It was just a waste of time. I knew it would never work with any of the men I was meeting.

"That's great! I can't believe it! so you are going out with him again, right?" the excitement in her voice kills me.

"Yeah, sure."

"that's amazing! Are you still with him?"

"Yeah.. he's walking me home," I tell her, hating myself for lying to her.

"Ah, that's so gentlemanly of him. well, I don't want to disturb you. Have fun, I'll see you tomorrow."

I hang up, sighing.

As I'm about to get in the elevator, my phone pings, and I decide to ignore it until I'm in my apartment but still check who it is.

My heart stops. And I blink several times to make sure I'm not seeing things. It can't be him. It can't be Jake.

No...

But it is. It is Jake...

I shut my phone and get in the elevator. I need to get to the apartment before I open the message. The elevator seems like taking its own time, I cursed myself for choosing an apartment on the 15th floor. Not knowing why he texted me and what he texted me about was driving me crazy.

When the elevator slides open, I run to my door. My nervousness makes it very hard for me to get the key in the keyhole, it seems to take hours. Finally, after a few tries, I enter the apartment and shut the door.

Sitting on my couch, I take my phone out and press on his message.

Only 4 words.

"You are in danger."

What? What does this mean? I have no time to think because the new message appears.

"Get out of there."

"NOW."

I throw my phone beside me and stand up, trying to make sense. I wasn't really expecting this, but he says I'm in danger so he must be right. I should be hurrying up, packing my bag to get out of here but I don't seem to move. It feels like someone has applied glue on my feet, I don't know what to do and I can't think.

After a few minutes, another message pops up "Open the door."

Not even a second later, there's a hard knock on the door and it scares me. I grab my phone and I'm sweating now, as I head for the door.

Without thinking about it, I open the door. He lets himself in and locks the door in the blink of an eye.

He is so close to me, we are almost touching each other. He has mesmerizing emerald-colored eyes that make me lose my mind, especially because he is staring hard at me but I can't see his expression because he is wearing a mask. He is breathing heavily which indicates that he was running. I have a strong urge to keep my hand on his chest and listen to his heart beating but I don't. We don't speak for minutes.

My mind runs searching for something to break the awkward silence but thankfully he speaks first, "Can I please have your phone?" He gestures a finger towards the cell phone in my hand.

But I don't understand what he says. My focus is on his voice. It's heavenly and not at all like that ugly device he used to cover his own voice before.

"Jake." My voice comes out shaky.

It almost sounds like a question, like I'm confirming if he really is Jake.

Without taking his eyes off me, he removes his cap revealing his soft black hair, and then he takes off his mask.

"Yes." He says, in an emotionless voice.

Oh, he is beautiful. The most beautiful creature on this planet. Pink full lips, straight nose, and his jawbone could cut grass, I swear.

And I'm sure I look like an idiot right now. I wished I could cover myself up in a blanket and hide but it was too late for that. He had already seen me. It was over.

I force myself to look away from him and turn away "Why do you want my phone?"

"Well, you already read the messages I sent you." He adds as he removes his backpack, taking out his laptop and setting them on the table "They know where you are and I need your phone so I can break the connection."

"What?" I turn around "Who knows where I am, Jake?"

"I'm sorry." He says as he walks toward me "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. But I promise you I will fix this. Nothing will happen to you as long as I'm alive." His voice sounds like he might cry, but he is trying so hard to control his emotions.

He still cared about me? I.. "So, what now?" I ask him, shutting my thoughts.

"We need to get out of here." he takes a quick glance around and then looks back at me, his eyes concentrating on me as if something was on my face "Are you okay?" He asks softly.

"What do you mean by getting out of here?" I fold my arms. Does he mean I have to leave everything behind? For how long?

Before he could answer his phone starts beeping loudly in his pocket and he whispers "Shit" before moving to his laptop on the table.

"What happened?" I ask but he doesn't respond to me.

He keeps typing random keys and without looking at me he says in a rush, "Pack your stuff, we are leaving in a few minutes."

I push my phone to the table and then head for my bedroom. I grab the backpack and shove a few clothes and some essentials in. I couldn't believe what was happening. I didn't even know what was happening, to be honest. But I couldn't argue right now. When I go back to the living room after a few minutes, the beeping had stopped and I find Jake with his hand in his hair staring at the screen.

I peek at his screen like I'm going to understand anything he was doing "Where are we even going?"

He shuts his laptop and slides it into his bag. Standing up, he says "Duskwood."

"What?!" Not believing what I had just heard I ask him again.

He puts his hand on my shoulder "I'm going to take you to Duskwood. You will be safe there with everyone. When I have made sure of your complete safety, you can be back here again and continue with your normal life."

I take a step towards him, and now we are touching each other "And what about you? Am I never going to see you again after that?" What about us?

He looks at me surprised and then whispers in a barely audible voice "Yes, you will never see me again."

-

[raging-femur]

How I wrote my first fanfiction I guess?

So, I fairly recently finished the Magnus archives and started the Magnus protocol. And I love it, it's so incredibly well written and kind of just draws you in, I first started listening to it for some background noise while I was making a scavenger hunt for Valentine's as a gift my boyfriend, and I have been hooked on it ever since. There was an incredibly brief period of time when I planned to take a short break from the podcast after I had a rather disturbing nightmare about being stuck in an elevator with a man turning into a lump of flesh. When the episode 12 came out, I commented about my dream and a couple of people told me it sounded like a statement, and suddenly in a strange burst of inspiration I wrote a short story in the form of a statement in the comments section about my dream. It was such a freaking THRILL. It was so much fun! anyways I just thought id share it here, and say that it is important to be able to let go and do things for fun, even if it whatever the result is isn't perfect. Statement of Hannah Watson regarding a stranger in an elevator. Statement taken directly from subject on the 18th of April 2024. Statement begins. It was stupid of me to take the elevator that day, I never do. The one in my building is small, rickety, and cramped, not to mention poorly air-conditioned. Honestly, the death trap could double as an oven in the summer or a freezer in the winter. And the sound it would make… it almost sounded as if it was groaning in pain. I normally take the stairs, paranoid that if I took the lift something would break, and I would end up in a freefall that would leave me as nothing more but a splattered pile of flesh, left to rot in a metal box. But I was running late that evening, I had promised to help my sister move and figured speed was more important than indulging my fear. When I stepped inside and saw…. Him in the corner I figured he was high, his eyes were bloodshot and he seemed a bit out of it. I gave him a polite nod as the doors slid closed……we didn't move. I frowned, pushing the button for the first floor. Nothing happened.

After about ten minutes of trying to get the damn thing to in some way work, I started to panic, I tried getting the doors to open back up, I flipped the emergency switch and I pressed every button on that control panel to no avail. nothing was working, and I was frantic. Sure that at any moment I would be shooting downward to my death. An odd wet squelching sound came from the corner of the cab followed by a thud, I turned in shock, I had forgotten about the man in the corner. I will never be able to forget him now, I can picture it so clearly his face had...melted? No, it was more like his skin had loosened, hanging off his face, melding with his neck, and flopping back onto his shoulders as he flailed about trying to push the skin back into the shape it once held. He was trying to scream, but all that came out of him were pained, cut-off whimpers as the anatomy used for human speech was crushed, as what used to be his throat transformed into nothing but squishy bloated tissue that spilled out of him. His lungs wheezed out bits of air as they were oh so slowly folded into that formless mass. I screamed and screamed, as I struggled to find a way out, to distance myself from the hungry flesh that was slowly seeping out of his clothes and onto the floor. I tried not to look at him as I did so, tried to ignore the sounds that reminded me of the ice cracking when it began to thaw in early spring, somehow, I knew what that meant, the flesh was eating his bones, and when it was done it would come for mine. I knew then, knew that there was no escape, I could scream and cry and break my nails trying to get those damn metal doors to open as much as I liked but I was going to die there, in the cramped metal box I had always hated, I gave up in the end. I curled around myself in a tight ball with my eyes tightly shut and waited for what felt like days...for it to find me, to consume me, to become me. And then ... the elevator moved, and just as I felt the feverishly warm touch of firm flesh on my foot the doors slid open. There was a scream and I kicked the thing away from me scrambling toward the horrified couple and out of that horrible thing that had almost cost me my life. Away from the thing that had cost the poor man his. And so here I am. The police didn't believe me, they told me to get my brain checked. Apparently, their opinions trump those with medical degrees. I didn't even get checked before they dismissed it as a mere hallucination. I doubt you'll believe me either. I am not insane, even if sometimes I wish I was, so that I could go around with the hope that the starving flesh didn't consume all that the man once was, because it wasn't real. It couldn't have almost gotten me, because it was just in my head.. What a wonderful, lovely lie. It would be comforting in a way, if that were true. But it isn't true, it was real. That man who haunts my dreams was a real person, not a hallucination. A person with brown bloodshot eyes and crooked teeth. I AM NOT insane, I know that. Well... that's all I have to say, I wasn't going to come here at all really but, well, I figured I owed it to that man, to let someone know what became of him. Statement ends

[dwarfsized]

tagged by the beautiful and amazing @aevallare thank you!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

9!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

63,696

3) What fandoms do you write for?

it's all bg3 right now, but I've also written for critical role and the arcana (visual novel)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1 - that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

2- ain't it warming you (the world goin' up in flames) (critical role, jester/caleb)

3- Liebe ist Fürsorge (critical role, jester/caleb)

4- Fighting the Hurricane (critical role, jester/caleb)

5 - true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy (bg3, astarion/f!tav)

5) Do you respond to comments?

yes! i try to do the "comment when you upload the next chapter" thing but sometimes its been a while since the last chapter and i get embarrassed and just respond to everything in one big rush

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

where i left Fighting the Hurricane probably combined with the (checks notes) 1+ year long update hiatus, i am coming back for you baby i promise. i have plans for it. i just. god. so much happened to me right as i was working on it.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fic ends happy (this will not always be the case, eventual AA!AU will be. well. i shan't say.) BUT, and this might just be because its my most recent finished work, i think new steps might end off on the most hopeful note.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

this has never happened to me and id love to keep it that way lmao

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes :) the only real posted smut ive got rn is that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of, but i have other smut in the works

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Fighting the Hurricane doesn't count, really, but that's the closest we've got: its a Critical Role/Pacific Rim fusion.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have nooooot, but i am not sure that the way that i write (terrible first draft and then editing for 1000 years) is very friendly to co-writing. I'm not against the idea at all though, its just. you know. i wouldn't want to torture a friend with the everything about me. maybe someday though!!

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

in this house we multiship, peace and love. :) though honestly i made a joke once about retiring kira as an oc after bg3 bc of everything im putting her through after becoming so enamored with kirastarion so maybe that? sorry blorbo from my brain, enjoy the conciliation prize of elf dick.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares guiltily at Fighting the Hurricane ch 2, languishing on my wip pile. listen, i still fully intend to finish that story. i was doing cool stuff in there. the only problem is that my brain exploded while i was writing ch 1, and this wasnt supposed to be more than 2k words but i am myself, and i didnt use outlines then, so my notes are a mess.

also i cannot possibly underline enough the bit where my brain exploded. this is an exaggeration only in that none of it came out of my head, but i was Not Myself for a Long Time.

16) What are your writing strengths?

i think my internal monologue bangs. this is because i agonize over it.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

moving characters around in the space is like pulling teeth and i feel like a solid 30% of my editing is focused on that. getting someone from point a to point b elegantly and without it feeling like "astarion got up. he moved his feet. he sat down. he looked out the window" makes me feel like walking into the sea

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it when it makes sense! Why does this character use another language? Does the reader need to know what they're saying? Is the POV character unfamiliar with the language? Does the reader learn anything from this? If you don't have good answers, why do it?

I find tieflings really neat, and bg3 does the typical dnd thing of "tieflings are looked down on," without, like, doing much with tiefling culture. So Ive had Kira use Infernal as a shortcut to create familiarity with other tieflings, and use it to have private conversations bc why would anyone but tieflings and people living in The Hells know that language--this solves some problems for her! And it creates others.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto...... once upon a time i wrote shikamaru/sakura fic. i was going to make a joke about that being my actual first longfic but i just checked and it literally isnt, i worked on it for a year and if you dont count the in-text authors notes (it was a different time) the whole thing is shorter than true colors chapter 4.

can you imagine me, now, updating something for a year and it being less than 11k. lol. lmao, even.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

eldath's mercy is my darling right now who also scares me to death. update coming soon (this week? i hope?)

i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes and @septemberskye and YOUUUU reading this if you want to do it, tag me if you do!!

[magpies4nights]

huh (Dev log # I'M ON 4?!!?!?!)

Hi guys! It’s me, @magpies4days on a different blog! That’s really the only promise I kept. Whoops. That’s why I don’t do promises. Anyways, since the last time I updated y'all, I passed all my finals and everything that was important. Yep, I passed my finals, which seems miraculous, because I accidentally studied the wrong study guide for my history exam and didn't really sleep enough the night before, and I got a 90 on it, which I'll be honest, that was the lowest grade I've ever gotten on a test in that class, but it's still an A so I won't cry about it. I turned in a really shitty essay too for one of my classes, but it seems that my professor didn’t actually read it because she gave me a 100 (ain’t gonna complain about that). I also procrastinated so hard on my graphic design final that I did it in like 3 hours and finished it 2 minutes before it was late. I still turned it in 5 minutes late because my computer decided it was funny to start acting up. Oh well, I passed that class, even for honor's standards. Normally I would be happy getting a B because I'd get a C and still celebrate but unfortunately I slayed too hard that my GPA was the minimum requirement for the Honor's organization to notice me. That's the Thinker in my Myers Briggs type showing baybee (JK JK I'm an INFP (unfortunately.)). Anyways, I’m on my winter break, and as much as I love getting breaks, god I forgot how much I hate summer and winter breaks. Summer breaks make me depressed because I have nothing to do, and winter breaks make me depressed because it’s literally the worst season of the year (cold weather (I have cold urticaria), dry air, less sun, the position of the sun is weird, and d3 barely does anything).

Anyways, onto the actual dev stuff. I probably should’ve figured this out the moment I started my idea, but I found out that to export my game to Mac, I’d have to have a developer id and pay for it. Which now I understand why most indie devs never upload to Mac. Oh well. (Fun fact: Mac actually has a feature called BootCamp which lets you portion your hard drive to allow you to have a Windows driver (Be wise on your portioning though because it’s permanent). I found this out when I was 16 and trying to download Pizza Tower demos. Totally not saying that so you could play it on your “Mac,” *wink wink*).

I had to switch my dialog stuff from a script I found on the internet, to an add-on that most Godot devs use ( Dialogic). I know. I am awful. However, there is a reason to this, and it’s entirely because I am an idiot. I have experimented with how Godot exports JSONs, and as it turns out, the images nor the audio would load! The text would, but it’s just not the same, especially when the dialog box is supposed to change with the character speaking. While it could be something in my code that is causing this to happen, or I'm forgetting to export something else while checking off all the boxes, it still gives me a headache and I decided it was for the best to switch. I may not be able to code for now, but there may be a day when I can. Hopefully. I had to change the layout of the dialog stuff because Dialogic kinda makes it like a visual novel kinda thing. I decided to torture myself and make everyone have different heights. Don't worry, everyone has relatively normal heights. Except for mayyybe Sleepy Weepy. They're like 6'2 (which may mean there's some cutoff for their sprites).

Aaaaanyways, enough about me suffering about dialog again. I’ve been working on the beginning and ending cutscene so that I can first torture everyone with 5 minutes of dialog in the beginning and then at the end music with text that may give people a hard time reading the lyrics. The animation isn’t done, but the text kinda is??? I’ll have to revise it like I have the past 56 times because my future self is hard to please, and I think everyone is out of character except Xandra.

Yeahhh, that’s about it so far. I made new music while I was being harassed with finals. Take a gander, but with your ears. Or don't, forcing you is unethical.

Top 10 Sleepy Weepy of all time!!!!! (This is doesn't even make it in the honorable mentions)

[caseythebunnyboy]

Howdy!

Thank you so much for the drawing! It's amazing. I love your art. I apologize for bringing down the mood I know it bothers you not but last thing I want to do is make you sad! From now on I will only grace you with pure nasty truly deplorable thoughts from a lonely cowboy and my day to day life (aka more deplorable thoughts)! I'll fill you in (full pun intended) as my work will keep me busy soon. I'll describe myself more so you can have a general picture of me :] I'm 6'2 I have no clue on my weight but I am a large man. My thighs and calves are like tree trunks. My hands are incredibly calloused from working for 6 years nonstop. I am very skilled with my hands and fingers tying knots all day and playing the banjo (you can take a man out the south but you can't take the south out of the man) and I have no better way to describe it other than my hands are huge. I have short-ish curly hair and I have a tan almost all of the time when it's not winter. If you want to know anything more about me I am more than happy to oblige your request.

I must admit that while it may sound a bit creepy. I lay awake at night I have thoughts of you. I make up scenarios in my head. I look at your kink list and see how similar we are and can't help but imagine using you in thousands of different ways. Tying you up. bending you over and pounding your little boycunt over and over again until your brain is mush and you're full of cum. Then I untie you and hold you in my arms. Singing to you softly as we drift off.

I'll leave the fantasy there but I hope to hear from you soon. 🤠

thank you so much! but wuh 🥹 please dont feel restricted to only being horny on here! im fine with people talking to me about other emotions, since i know people arent just horny 24/7. its fine!! i wont hate you forever if you show any other sign of feeling that isnt being sexual, i promise.

(rest of the response is under the cut because again, dont wanna clog peoples dashboards 😵‍💫)

i shall also paint you a picture of me in exchange!

im 5'4, last time i checked i was 81 (?) kg, i dont remember the specifics but i was around that weight. my thighs are also big but in more of a marshmallow pillow-ey way than a tree trunk way! my hands are very small, clumsy, soft and frail, with my entire hand from palm to my longest finger (the middle finger) being around 7 inches 😊 the only "toughening up" they got is when i would practice my countrys martial arts, i still practice every once in awhile but very occasionally so they never made my hands calloused 🥹 iam... not skilled at all with my hands. my arm starts shaking and hurting if i draw for too long with no breaks 😵‍💫 i have black fluffy-scruffy hair that can never calm down or stay in one place, and my skin is just naturally always tan since im a person of color 🐇

if youd like to know more about me, id also be happy to oblige! what i want to know about you, is if youve ever cum to the thought of me, hehe 💜 just curious! you dont need to answer if youre not comfy doing so 💜💜 and also! can you claim an emoji and put it at the end of your asks? so i know its you and so you can have a little hashtag, like how 🗝️ anon has one!

anyways! i hope to hear from you soon as well! youre so sweet, cowboy anon 🥹 id love to kiss you all over your face, but thatll just have to wait 🥲 see you soon! (hopefully 💜)

honestly, it doesnt sound creepy at all to me... would it be creepy for me to say im flattered and slightly aroused that you think about me so often? if so, then i guess we're both "creepy", hm? 💜 and jeez, id actually really like that. i love people who can be rough and fast during sex, but the moment its all over theyre back to being sweet and caring 😊 would love to doze off on top of your chest, humming along to your song after you finish breeding my boypussy over and over 💜💜

also side note, ever since i read your ask i cant stop thinking about how nice it would feel for your rougher hands to rub and touch my softer skin... the contrast between their textures would made my head so much dizzier whenever you grab my parts 😵‍💫😵‍💫 make of that what you will...

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi!! It's me again, I hope you're keeping well <33. Many congrats on 600 followers!! Could I please get the option 2 for hotd? I'm a straight female and my pronouns are she/her.

I'm fairly introverted and it takes me a while to warm up to people. I love reading, my room is filled with stacks of books. I especially enjoy true crime, poetry and Russian literature!I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, pulling harmless pranks, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything. I love helping out and people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'd consider myself really smart and I'm very ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I daydream a lot and I'm a hopeless romantic! I enjoy all forms of art and storytelling, and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down!

Thank you very much!! I hope you have a lovely day ❤️

hi! thank you for participating :)

i ship you with jacaerys!

while it’s his responsibility to get good at talking to people since he’s going to be the heir, id consider him a rather introverted person. i think he struggles with making connections deeper than surface level. so when he meets you and starts getting to know you, he’d understand why you’re a little apprehensive at first and give you the time to get closer to him yourself. but he’d do his best to make you very comfortable around him too. i think he’d be really attracted to you when he first met you. you look like a person who has their shit together, and he was hoping that it would rub off on him. he’d really love getting to know you because he’d realize how ambitious and witty you are, you’d be a genuinely interesting and likeminded person to be around, someone both him and his mother would approve of. i think he’d really appreciate that you enjoy spending quality time with him, as well as letting him rant about his worries or struggles of the day. i think he feels like he needs to be strong all the time, because that it was a king does, but you’d be there to remind him that he is just a child still, and that he’s allowed to struggle.

i think he’d find comfort in joining in on your hobbies, just so he could spend time with you. i think his love language is quality time. he doesn’t care what you’re doing together, as long as you’re together. he’d sit with you while you read, or ask you to read to him. he’d listen to you rant about the book after you finished it, and argue with you over the plot points and your opinions. half the time, he wouldn’t even disagree with you, he just liked watching you get so passionate and into it. plus, he loves to debate, and he could do that with you. he knows you’d actually value what he has to say, and not dismiss it.

i think jace is also a hopeless romantic. there’s something about love, and the process of courting and falling in love, that he really enjoys and values. he’d bring you new books he thought you would enjoy (or books he knew you’d hate, just so he could listen to you rant about it.) you’d find them on your bed, knowing you’d have to thank him later for it.

he’d find you before dinner, somewhere quiet. “am i to assume you found your gift? have you already started it?”

you’d look up at him, showing him the cover. “i’ve already read this one. i left your gift in my chambers, i didn’t want to start it without thanking you first.”

“no need to thank me, love. you’ll like this one, i promise. i read it myself to make sure.”

you’d smile at his thoughtfulness, standing up and taking his arm. “shall we walk before dinner then? i haven’t seen you much today, i want to catch up.”

jace would fight a blush, keeping your arm secure next to him. he’d wonder how he got so lucky, nodding at your words.

“of course. where to?”

[stacywaters]

Hidden Behind a Smile (JIN) CH4 - The Fan Meet

Y/N POV:

"TA DA!! I got you a ticket to the fan meet!" He beams.

"WAIT WHAT?" I grab on to the ticket and examine it closely. Yep, this is definitely official. I gasp, "How did you even get one of these?? They only announced it just last night!"

"You know how the Armys are. You have to buy them quick before they sell out. But don't worry about that! You get to meet Jin!" He mentioned.

"You're right!" I exclaimed, "wait.. what will I say to him? How should I dress? Should I wear makeup, or no? What if he doesn't like me? What id I trip and-"

"Shh, shh," He breathed, "It'll be fine. I'm sure he'll love you. Why would he hate his fans? Just be yourself."

At his words, I calmed down, "You're right, just have to be myself."

"But when you get back you are telling me every detail, got it?" He held out his pinkie.

"Promise!"

———————————

Eventually the day of the fan meet came. I lightly curled my hair and put on some makeup. I wore a blush pink dress with gold detailing. Grabbing my bag, I got on the bus to drive to the venue.

Once I got there, long lines were crowding around the building. I got in line where I was supposed to and waited. Some people were talking and making friends, but I focused on what I was going to say once I got there.

JIN POV:

"Just 5 more minutes guys!" One of the staff called out to us.

"I'm so excited!!" Jimin cheered, "It's always so much fun to meet our fans. They're so sweet!"

"I heard you invited someone this time, Hyung." Jungkook turned to me.

"Yeah. A friend."

"Oooh who is it?" Hoseok teased.

"Are they a girl?" Taehyung asked.

"Yes, she's a girl. She's just a friend I've made recently and she happens to like our music." I replied.

"Are you her bias? Do you like her?" Taehyung continued to pester.

"It doesn't matter!" I yelled, "...but maybe"

"Maybe you're her bias or maybe she likes you??" Jungkook joined in.

"Guys! It's time to get out there!" The same staff member called.

I smoothed out my shirt as we walked onto the small stage. Looking out at the crowd, I tried to find her face. I didn't see her. Right as I was beginning to worry, I noticed her huddled in the corner, an overwhelmed look on her face. Cute, I thought.

After some short announcements from the other members, we began the signing. One by one fans came to the table and talked with us. Eventually it was Y/N's turn. She lingered towards the table.

The first member at the table was Namjoon. They talked for a bit and he must've made a joke, because she broke out into snickers. He signed her album and passed it on to Hoseok.

Inside I was burning with jealousy, but I tried to hide it from the fan in front of me. They're all excited to be here, I have to give them all a good show. Still, she's MY friend. I invited her here, but now all the other members are getting to talk to her.

Hoseok finishes signing her album and passes it on to me. She nervously walks over, but on the way she trips over her shoelaces. Luckily she was able to catch herself, but I know that must have really hurt her pride. I remember her saying she was worried about that...

"Ah.., I'm so sorry," She mumbled, her face as red as my shirt.

"Woah, you're so pretty. Is this my fan meet or yours?" I joked.

She laughed at that, "gosh, I seem to embarrass myself every time I meet you, don't I?"

"Please, don't worry about it. It's adorable." I said. The words left my mouth before I even realized. Shoot! Don't be so obvious about it, Seokjin! What are you saying!

If she wasn't blushing before, she was now. The other fans are starting to wrap up their conversations. She rushed to a page in the photo book for me to sign.

"Er- what is your name?" I ask.

"Y/N." She smiles.

Uncapping the marker, I began writing:

Dear Y/N,

Thank you so much for listening to our music and coming to the signing today! Your support means the word to us. I'd like to see you again. Wanna meet at Lotte World this Saturday at 10:00 am?

I'll be waiting for you,

Your Jinnie

I close the book and pass it back to her. She smiles, and I notice the glitter present both in her eyeshadow and her outfit. She looks so sparkly, but she does even when she's wearing worn out jeans and a sweatshirt at the store. No matter where she is or what she's doing, she never fails to make my heart flutter. It's been three months since I first met her, I need to tell her at some point.

Y/N, I really like you.