#i posted it once but it didn't show up in my tags
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The City and the Self: Or, the Uses of Lesbianism
someone in my server recently asked why Ikuhara seems so hung up on lesbians. I gave a short answer which in hindsight doesn't satisfy me. even this post won't touch on everything, there's plenty more that could be said, but here's a stab at a more complete answer, drawing from RGU specifically, though I think these points generalize to YKA as well.
a long time ago--around 2017, I believe--I posted in the RGU tag, asking about differences between how the western and Japanese fanbases see the show. the answer I got surprised me: I was told a popular fan theory held that Utena and Anthy were the same person. this is confirmed in the interview Ikuhara did with Mari Kotani:
Kotani: How did you think about relationships between two women, like the relationships between Utena and Anthy, Juri Arisugawa and Shiori Takatsuki, and so on? Sometimes it is thought of as one girl and her alter ego. Ikuhara: Yes, that's true of course.
at the time, this didn't make sense to me. now, though I don't take the "alter ego" concept literally, I certainly see where these theorists were coming from.
the very first impression the audience gets of the show, the opening seconds of the theme song, depict Utena and Anthy as mirror images of one another. I can't find the post now, but I once saw someone do a face swap of Utena and Anthy... and there was almost no difference in the final result aside from their eye color. yes, the show has somewhat same-y character designs (pointy chins, noses, etc.), and yes, Utena and Anthy are differentiated by coloring and height. however, there are differences in the facial features of the other characters, including other female characters like Juri and Nanami, meaning that you wouldn't get the same result from face swapping them that you do from face swapping Utena and Anthy.
visually, the show is trying to tell you something: Utena and Anthy are counterparts; not "the same person," in that there are clear contrasts between them, but perhaps different aspects of a single self. to put it another way, they cannot be separated from one another; what happens to one of them will affect the other, and how they relate to each other tells you a lot about how they relate to themselves.
RGU is not the first story to have this premise. I just watched Ingmar Bergman's Persona, which uses two women to tell the story of one woman, and that came out all the way back in 1966. I think that it's possible to do this kind of story with characters of different genders--however, it's most often done with homosexual/homosocial pairings because two people of the same gender are seen as better mirrors to one another.
when I initially gave my response as to why Ikuhara writes a lot of lesbians, I cited the influence of shoujo manga. however, I didn't detail how homosexuality was featured in those manga.
Ikuhara once said that the core theme of shoujo is "self-revelation." he wanted to capture that in RGU, and it seems to have come across. consider Takemiya Keiko's reading of RGU as "A story about independence, about finding oneself. It feels like a story about a girl defining 'what is myself?'"
this journey of self-discovery must involve encounter with the other. part of romance is other-longing, the desire to meet the unknown; love requires a separate entity which is not merely an extension of the self (this is why I don't believe that Utena and Anthy actually are "the same person"). through encountering the other, one can find one's own self, and further, through this encounter, the selves which meet can be transformed.
while plenty of 20th century shoujo did center heterosexual couples, I believe that homosexual and homosocial relations were so prevalent because they facilitated this romance more effectively. on a visual level, a homosexual pairing can create a clearer parallel, as discussed above. for a more thematic angle, RGU's lead writer Enokido has mused that homosexuality removes the issue of "genetic advantage" from the equation; since there is not a clear "survival and reproduction" benefit to homosexuality, it is easier to see it as "pure love." along the same lines, Ikuhara has said that "as soon as you see the destination point of producing children, sex becomes a social system." that's not to say that homosexual couples exist independently from social systems. the point is that writers who wish to pursue the idea of "self-discovery through the other" may wish to do so in the context where the norms of heterosexuality are not an issue, as they could muddy the water.
as an example, take Kaze to Ki no Uta, an influence on RGU. Gilbert and Serge, the lead couple, are very different people. often in conflict, their love ends tragically. that is precisely the power of the story: Serge, who is left alone after Gilbert's death, will live the rest of his life feeling incomplete, unwhole, because he has lost the "other self" by which he came to be defined. in Ikuhara's words, "It’s a story about that which forms the core of an artist - a starvation that can never be satiated."
when done properly, this kind of romance can be very moving, because it is not only a "love story" but also a story about the self and its relationship to the other. and even more potent are stories which are both about "finding one's other self" and about "the city":
Ikuhara: Out of your works, I particularly like the stories about cities... Stories of cities and “one’s other self” are enchanting aren’t they. There are a lot of shoujo mangaka who write about one’s other self, but there aren’t really any who write about cities. I think a story is weak if it only talks about relatives and neighbours and never about cities. In contrast, I think your stories which are simultaneously about cities really bring out their era. I think that allows you to mark out a line for the story of the other self. Takemiya: Personally, I feel at a basic level that stories without a sense of daily life aren’t very interesting. If one thinks of each person as a single cell, then the city becomes the “body”, and one cannot create a world without both. Based on where they live, some people become more modern or more provincial - the environment really plays a role. For me, it is a necessary component.
I agree with this exchange: the best stories about "one's other self" aren't solely about love between two people, but instead love between two people placed in a particular social context. it is that social context which gives the relationship flavor.
this brings us to the other reason that lesbianism (and homosexuality more broadly) is used in Ikuhara's works. not only does it allow him to tell stories about "one's other self," but also to tell stories about social systems. homosexuality is "deviant" within the social system that is set up to produce children in the nuclear family; thus, homosexual couples will face resistence and prejudice. as Ikuhara discussed in this interview, he is not necessarily trying to capture "the lesbian experience" in his works, but rather using lesbianism as an allegory for the sense of being a minority; a person outcast for standing out from the crowd. homosexuality thus allows for a marriage between the themes of "the self" and "the city" which are central to the telling of a great romance.
bringing it full circle, let's take a look at how this plays out in Utena and Anthy's dynamic, specifically the climax of the first arc. in the build up to it, Utena has been insisting that Anthy behave like a "normal girl," and believes she's succeeding in this venture. however, her illusions are crushed when Touga defeats her in the duel called Conviction. Anthy, now his bride, tells Utena that she likes being the Rose Bride and doesn't mind being alone.
Utena's reaction to this is interesting. suddenly, she is obsessed with being a "normal girl" herself, deftly signaling that all along, she was projecting her own conceptions onto Anthy. though she comes to realize this, Utena ultimately decides to duel again; in the episode 11 preview, she says, "Himemiya, wait! I have to try to get the real you and the real me back!" their selves are linked, tied; Utena cannot be herself without Anthy. what's more, the "false self" that Utena presents is linked to Anthy's "false self"--for, despite her words, it is quite difficult to believe that she "enjoys" being the Rose Bride, any more than Utena "enjoys" wearing girl's clothes. after Utena wins the duel called Self, she and Anthy meet again, paralleling the end of the first episode, but when Anthy tries to impart the rules of the rose crest, Utena tells her, "never mind all that, let's just go home." the two share a moment of authenticity, their "false selves" blown away like petals in the wind. they've drawn closer to each other and to who they truly are, while simultaneously gaining a level of independence from the system which seeks to define them by their gender. the rest of the show will play out in the same manner.
----
side note: I don't think that Ikuhara is more fixated on lesbianism than he is on male homosexuality; however, I'm not sure if he's focused on "mirroring" between homosexual males the same way he has between females, despite the fact that his cited inspiration for the way he wrote relationships between girls in RGU is yaoi.
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lowk hear me out:
post war, touya is recovering in the hospital, and rei comes and visits reader in jail to learn more about her son since they were dating 🥺
A Mother's Word
TouyaxF!Reader
ft. Rei Todoroki
You had told the guards no visitors. You knew if anyone were to come see you, it'd just be to laugh in your face.
The war wasn't kind to you, but it was harsher to your boyfriend, Touya. While he was burning alive with his family, you were attempting to subdue heroes far from your love.
It's what All For One insisted upon, so you had to listen.
But you didn't join the League for him. Not even for Touya. The message that Shigaraki was spreading about a world where people who were seen as villains had the same chances as heroes? That was something you wanted, no, needed to believe in. Your family abandoned you when you were younger, and you'd been running along the streets ever since.
You joined the League and found your new family, purpose, and the love of your life.
You just didn't know what it meant, loving Dabi. Because you didn't love him, no, well- maybe you did. But it was Touya, the man he was when it was just you two, alone- that's who you love.
So, imagine your surprise when you discover his own mother had arrived to visit you. You had only heard short stories about Rei, and you weren't entirely sure what to expect when you met her.
The guards approach you, asking if you'd see her. She hid behind them clutching her bag, but the sadness and exhaustion across her face made you feel sympathetic. He had her eyes, after all.
"Okay, just this once," you manage to croak out as you suddenly feel self-concsious. What could she want? Is Touya recovering still? Is Endeavour coming too? He better not, you'd go feral trying to hurt him. Even if Touya didn't want you to, you'd always hate that man for what he did to his family.
"I- I was just visiting Touya in the hospital yesterday" Rei says quietly as she stands in front of the bars caging you in. "He was asking about you."
"Typical Touya, worried more about me than he is about himself. I'm doing fine..." you reply coldly, avoiding eye contact.
"He- he said he wanted me to meet you." Rei placed her hand gently on the metal bars separating you both.
You stop and glance up at her, the way her eyes were pleading for answers made you freeze. "He said that to me too, before, you know-" you respond softly this time.
"Can you... can you tell me about him?" Rei's voice cracks as she asks.
"About him?" You look at her puzzled.
"My son, he was so young when he disappeared that I- what's he like?" Rei questioned, her eyes wide.
"Touya... Touya he's-" You start and choke back the tears that are trying to fall. "He's an idiot. He doesn't think before he jumps into danger because he's not afraid to die... that's how we met actually." You smile fondly as you wipe the small drops of water off your cheeks.
"I was supposed to just do recon for the League, my first solo mission. But it was a trap and the heroes had me cornered. I didn't know what to do- I froze. I was ready to give up. Then Touya just kind of showed up, right in front of me. Didn't even think twice."
Rei hesitantly smiles as she nods, "That sounds a lot like Touya, glad to know he didn't lose that part of him."
"He's protective, that's for sure. Got jealous easily... whenever they'd send me on missions without him he'd find some way to tag along. I think that ever since we met, it was like he felt he had to protect me... like he was afraid to ever lose me" you start to cry and let your head fall into your hands.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry dear. I didn't mean to make you cry," Rei frowns.
"I love him so much... you created a beautiful son- I just miss him so much" you manage to sob out.
Rei nods, wiping her own tears, “what else do you love about him?”
“He was honest with me… he told me about you all too, before we even started dating…”
Rei freezes, but continues listening.
“He’s a great listener. Lets me talk about anything. And god, when you get him started, he never shuts up…” You smile to yourself. “What I’d do to hear his stupid voice again…”
"He's going to be okay... he's recovering..." She smiles reassuringly but with a pang of sadness.
"Can you tell him something for me the next time you see him?" You ask her hopefully. Rei nods in response.
"No goodbyes, I'll see you soon, idiot." you smile and finally lift your head to meet Rei's eyes once more. She smiles and nods.
You didn’t think this was how you’d meet your future mother-in-law, but your relationship with Touya had never been predictable anyways.
#bokunokamijirou#mha#bnha#boku no hero academia#anime#manga#my hero academia#dabi x reader#Touya x reader#touya x y/n#touya x you#dabi x you#dabi x y/n#fluff#touya todoroki x reader#todoroki touya#rei todoroki#Rei mha#family things
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🖤 ART TAG 🖤
Hey to all artists! I want to talk about our art journey. Some of us have a long path, some have started only recently, but each of us has had our own individual path and I think it's really important to remember how we all started. And it's also important to share it with others so that no one would be scared to start their own journey and just create.
How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?
As everyone I'll say I've been drawing since early childhood, but I think the end of 2019 is my beginning. Because that's the time I started to practice actively.
When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?
Maybe it's always been? I think for the first time I posted something traditional drawn on my personal social media. I started my art socials in 2020.
Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?
It's hard to track my very first drawing, but here are the early traditional drawings and my very first digital hand drawing. It was before I got a tablet, so it was drawn with a mouse. My impressions? My hand was tired... But if seriously back then it looked like something cool to me and I was surprised that I could draw something like that. Now, of course, I can see all my mistakes. But let's be honest, any mistake is a move forward.
🚧 ALARM 🚧
My very first attempts after getting a tablet.
Should I mention that I was upset at the first second that it didn't work out on the first try?
Your first fanart ever
I had a lot of traditional drawings of Adventure Time (I'm a big fan of Marceline). It's roughly a little over a decade ago.
But in digital, I guess this? Snufkin and The Groke from Moomin stories. [aug 8, 2020]
Your first gallavich fanart
Hi babies! This post and this post.
[nov 27, 2023] - oh my god it's almost a year???
But what if I told you that my sister asked me to draw Cameron Monaghan… Who knew that ten years later I'd be drawing him once again...
When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?
I just need to rest, try again, or think about what exactly goes wrong. When I started my path as a digital artist I was very inspired by the older work by 'big artists'. No one is perfect at the first moment and there is always a long road of striving and practice behind cool works. And I knew that the more I tried, the more I could consider myself 'cool' too. (spoiler: that feeling is still with me)
Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.
It's a hard choice. I stopped liking a lot of my work after a time, but this one was initially a struggle. I really didn't like how it looked in the end. I wasn't able to draw it as I wanted, and had problems with the face and dynamics. But the background is cool! (A lot of the work you don't like has some good in it!)
Renee and Andrew from AFTG [dec 5, 2021]
Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?
I love the shading and the face, especially eyes. And i still love this drawing! Face looks better than previous and hair has a dynamic, and the expression is really good.
Buck Toothsome from School for vampires [nov 8, 2021]
Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.
I really loved this study redraw!
Ginny with Marcus from Ginny & Georgia [june 22, 2021]
Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?
I've started to do it recently! I'd forgotten how many sketches I made in sketchbooks when I was studying drawing.
I tried to change the pen pressure.
Sketch vs Final. Show your process.
Actually, it's been a tough process.
Your most recent drawing.
I'm working on my secret santa's gift right now, so I can't share it 🤭But here's my last sketch during warm-up session 🤲🖤
Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!
I just want to say that four years ago I would've been shocked by my current drawings. I've really improved in drawing faces and anatomy, I'm trying new interesting composition, trying to learn new things and use it in my works.
Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?
Do more thinking while creating your art. Do a sketches warm-ups before digging into the big work. Don't be afraid to draw it again if something doesn't work. Take breaks to physically exercise!
Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.
I want to improve facial expressions. Make a professional portfolio. Keep growing and enjoying drawing.
I want to see more your drawings...
@deathclassic @suzy-queued @kiennilove @gallapiech @spookygingerr
@konaiiro @michellemisfit @heymrspatel @vintagelacerosette @sgtmickeyslaughter
@burninface @lingy910y @crossmydna @deedala
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If you want to argue about that specific post, that I had the restraint to not engage with on your own blog, I need you to acknowledge
Sure.
how you trolled the #transmisogyny tag, as you often do,
It's a social media website.
did not show me the same restraint!
I wouldn't call not engaging with the post that sparked your OP here to be "restraint." It is, again, a social media website and everything I post except a vent once in a blue moon is meant to be engaged with.
You came onto my post to, best I can guess, imagine the post I was referring to, imagine that I read it wrong, and present the "correct" reading of that imagined post.
And I turned out to be correct. I'll now explain the correct reading of the actual post.
I'm pretty sure that what I said lines up with what the anon said in the post. I am open to the idea that I'm wrong, and I'd welcome anyone who isn't you to talk to me about it and whether or not anon has an incomplete picture of what transmisogyny is.
Anon was arguing against strict definitions of TMA/TME because of how hard these things are to define. In that sentence, they were asking a hypothetical question about a trans woman - does she suffer transmisogyny if she has not yet suffered anything directly relating to her transition? In context, it's pretty clear the answer is "yes." The point they're making is that transmisogyny is more than seeing an AMAB person in a dress and yelling a slur at them. Transmisogyny takes many forms, often invisible, insidious, and affecting people you wouldn't know it to be affecting.
I thought this section of the reply was going to take longer, honestly.
it is an educated guess that you believed my post was in communication with your discussions of male/female socialization
The general discourse but not involving me specifically lol.
last time we did a diskhorse, You did something pretty interesting! Did you know that you did this? because it sends a specific message!
Yeah, I honestly didn't handle that very well. I didn't intend anything I said to ask you to or imply you should divulge your trauma but I did aggressively insist you were talking about something you insisted you were not talking about and interrogating you about if you were really thinking of cis people doing that. I'm very frustrated with critique deflection and though I tried to play it both ways by acknowledging you personally may have gone through an example of an accusation of critique deflection being bullshit, it was very poor of me to treat the situation the way I did. I did not do you right there and I regret it. Trans women often have claims of transmisogyny unfairly dismissed and in this case I was way too aggro about what I assumed the post was about, and my attempts to be diplomatic were disingenuous and insufficient.
They are really showing their whole ass when someone who thinks they are not tme also thinks that transmisogyny only affects transfems after they come out.
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Proud parents.
#minoru tanaka#minoru heat tanaka#kizuna tanaka#yumi fukawa#the full version of this pic is what i was looking for last night#i posted it once but it didn't show up in my tags
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Pokémon Masters EX spoilers ahead!
Kabu likes to play TAG with his pokemon... and he's shown to have a much softer side beneath his strictness in pokemas too... he's so grandpa-shaped to me 😭💖
#you guys have to know that today has been an eventful day for me. like... non-stop serotonin because I got one good news after another#(i celebrated my ultimate ship's day + speed-run and sacrificed sleep to post 2 fics for today's sake + successfully bought prints of said#ship with two of my bird app friends + successfully secured a birthday cafe event for a character in my city where i can meet said friends)#like. my heart was in OVERDRIVE 😭😭😭 adding kabu to the lodge has me falling off the bed from how much i giggled and rolled on it 😭😭😭#i need to replay swsh but i swear he wasn't this gentle and caring in the games 😭💗 like this scary old grandpa is actually very soft 🥺🫶#my head is spinning from thinking about how good his gym trainers' morales are with him keeping it up. or how he must be well-loved in#motostoke for not just being an encouraging gym leader but also an approachable and kind citizen. no wonder nessa and milo regularly hangs#out with kabu and that he and raihan are tor-colleagues 😭😭😭 he's actually so earnest in showing that he cares for others with each line#ossan you have to tell me which of your pokemon plays tag the best!!! and is that how you wind down after training!!! 😭💗#giving pokemas writers a big smooch on their foreheads because they're so genius for this man. yes it is a cash grab but they're doing kabu#sooo much justice too with each of his appearance... like yeah take my gems for once! you actually did a splendid job for my favorite ojisa#i don't know if i'm just still a 6 y.o girlie loving kazuhiko inoue's kakashi or i'm just itching for familial tenderness but man. he's suc#a comfort character to me now... i didn't expect that in 2024 but i'm grateful i could pull him and enjoy talks with this ossan now 🥺🫶#gym leader kabu#pokemon kabu#pokemon sword and shield#pokemon swsh#pokemon masters ex#pokemas#pmex#pokemon masters ex spoilers#pmex spoilers#pokemas spoilers#swsh#galar#pasio#trainer lodge
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I don't begrudge anyone their campaign preferences, and I think there's plenty of valid reasons to like Campaign 3 the best and this is not directed at people who are genuinely having a great time with it, but it feels like virtually all the nostalgia and wishful thinking I see surrounding Campaign 3 is screaming "you guys want Campaign 2." You want more slow travel and downtime and interparty conversations and slow-burn romance? You wish their main focus was fighting governmental corruption? You want a party that only semi-settles down at the end and keeps adventuring and remains very close? You're frustrated by how everpresent and overarching the moon plot is? You miss when they were just fucking around in a city? I genuinely believe you want Campaign 2, or at best you love a specific ship or a character from Campaign 3 but aren't happy about basically anything else, and would vastly prefer the tone and events and plot of Campaign 2. And I don't really care if you watch Campaign 2, or if you think I'm being annoying here; I simply genuinely believe you'd be happier watching Campaign 2 than Campaign 3 and are so deep in a sunk cost fallacy well you can't see it.
#the number of people who SCREAM if you imply campaign 3 is not the greatest campaign but also openly resent the moon focus is. high.#i've had my complaints about the people from c1 who would shit on c2 but i'll give them this: they actually do love c1.#it feels a lot of people just want bells hells at a chuck e cheese birthday party and like. that's not campaign 3 babe.#i actually have grown to really like the moon plot once it finally took off#and c3 has had some satisfying lore resolutions and new places#but it feels like the people who showed up to ship kind of hate the core plot of the campaign which. is the core plot of the campaign.#cr tag#this is intended to be read in conversation with the post from earlier about things not being deep too#like it's ok if your blorbo or otp is in c3...but if that's the only thing you love do you love the campaign or do you just love them#also. i also don't begrudge anyone their reasons for watching a show#but I've seen like three people i follow try to watch wot solely bc Lanfear is hot and give up bc there's so much lore#and people get mad candela didn't give them a happy ending for their ship#it really is like did you show up for c3 or did you show up for a blorbo delivery system#not realizing this is prix fixe instead if made to order
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do people like. Not realise that it is possible to be critical of two things at once or
#seeing some wild posts about the situation of Bangladeshi hindus. Be safe you all#I think we can condemn these attacks while also calling out Islamaphobia in India. One doesn't cancel out the other.#and—here's the mindblowing thing; you may need to sit down for this—it might actually be possible to do this without drawing up#graphs and charts to show evidence of why your pain is greater than someone else's pain.#Different resources and help being required in different countries. Spotlighting one does not have to eat into the resources of the other#No one should need to prove that 'actually WE are suffering more' like do we not have#the capacity for compassion for two different situations at once or are we 5 years old?#also there's literally no need to drag another ethnicity into this; our country doesn't exactly have a great record on islamophobia...#please let's show our concerns and support WITHOUT sounding like online h*ndutvas please please please thank you#and before you respond in my inbox: anon is off; fuck off. Why do you think this is in tags and not in the post?#I don't want to talk to you and I don't have to. Didn't write this to get argued at by you.#B*P hounds can go be mad somewhere else.
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I just managed to get off mha hyperfixation
And now it's happening again... Oh no
Helps with upcoming MHUI LoV event tho, it was a long time since last one happened I wonder what would happen in a new filler story part
Basically this and couple of pages of mid-final arc chapters + recent episode and next one being The Dabi episode was just too much not to get excited again
But! Important thing - I need to reread the last arc before I make anything new, if possible without finishing it to the 419 chapter and everything after, it took 2 months to really recover from the damage that chapter did
Anyway am I ready for the new event? Kinda! Do I have enough gems to get new Tomura? No! I'm not sure he'll even show up this time, because other ones were and still are really stubborn
Also Steampunk recruit took like 120 pulls in a step-up recruit and in the usual one combined
Not the best time to get LoV involved, it's cruel even
Also that one part of the page I added at the beginning was so interesting to look at and them I joked about 236 being similar. The only good thing with final arc being over is that I can say that Izuku didn't draw the parallel of seeing everyone hurt and seeing Tenko react on Mon's death
Understandable why, but it's funny to just look at them and be like, "wow Horikoshi traumatized them both"
#bnha#mhui#morning thoughts#not art#tenko shimura#shigaraki tomura#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#Still trying to assure myself that it's okay to tag whatever with whatever#If I get into drawing Izuku and Tenko interacting again this post is why#I don't prefer shipping stuff aside from here and there but some of the relationships are so interesting to look at#Izuku and Tenko one is one of my favorites and when PLF arc ended with Izuku looking behind who Tomura was on the outside was...#I can't describe it because I was SURE it was never happening and then it did and almost 3 years after that we get the actual thing#And then boom it's over#I thing knowing that AFO shows up in the 418 ruined it for me I saw people trying to predict it and stuff#But I hoped it wasn't gonna happen but I didn't know what would the other option be#So I was in 'we'll see' mindset for months and I'm okay with the end result... Kinda#It hurts really badly if I turn to my actual emotions#I was just thinking one day and while reading stuff decided to punch a pillow and suddenly it's like some wall broke and it hurt#It hurts now too actually just writing this#I thought because I wasn't processing this the way most people I saw in the fandom did with all of the hating on Horikoshi and stuff#AND hating on Izuku too!#I was either broken or a strange one even to the part of the fandom I tried to join for the first time in ages#While people were clinging to anything to keep deluding themselves that Tomura is alive#Or being openly angry on Twitter#It all was on Twitter actually because I have no power to really change what it shows if I don't just “ignore” every single person there#I tried drawing through it but I slowly hit burnout with drawing absolutely nothing#I'm a bit better now and I tried different things instead so it's alright still a bit... Too much all at once since I had irl stuff too#I'm glad that I'm not known enough to be pressured about anything since I pressure myself enough already
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trying to sort our simplyplural but there's enough of us that we need to use smthn like a spreadsheet to do that. but also. how tf do we sort source categories when we have so many multifictives
#like. we want to organize all of this stuff in a table and be able to sort each column to return them in alphabetical order#that way when we want to make sure a source folder has everybody in it we just sort for that particular source#but when so many of us have multiple sources how do we. sort for that#i dont want to make multiple source columns bc that will make the sorting uneven between columns#i don't want to put all the info in the same cell bc stuff that comes later in the cell won't get sorted at all#we can't just sort sources by category too bc a lot of our multifictives are entirely sourced from the same category#like our minecraft fictives who have travelled between smps in their source memories (SAUSAGE. FUCKING SOURCES GEORG)#and don't even get me started on the various tag categories that we all sort into as well like species and magic types#so many of us are hybrid species like i think a huge majority of us are multiple species at once#the easiest way we found out to do this is. write books in minecraft and copy the books into multiple sets of bookcases#but that gets so hard to keep track of after a while#and if we miss some info in a certain book we have to go through and edit or replace every single version of the book#which. oh my god. SAUSAGE. IS SO IMPOSSIBLE. SOURCES *AND* SPECIES GEORG SIR STOP#WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY AFTERLIFE FICTIVE WHO DIDN'T SPLIT OFF INTO MULTIPLE VERSIONS OF THE SAME GUY#literally the only minecraft fictive we have with ZERO doubles. even Grain has at least one double 😭😭#oh Eth also doesn't have any doubles somehow he just simultaneously exists in all worlds at once#he doesn't even have a whole timeline of where he travelled like sausage he just Shows Up Places.#how the hell did you get to the Seaside au. most of those guys are literally post-fictives and have migrated to parative instead 😭
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Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them
Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening
It's all I really ask
#I forgot what this was about part way through writing about it; but then I remembered it's about Ukraine#like I just need to know that you actually understand what's happening there and what people are going through#you want me to care about your thing? show me you have any any any grasp of what's going on in Ukraine#it's uh... it's too many friends where if I'm just honest... this is about them#people I adore but people where... I don't know if they ever even once listen to what I have to say#...though maybe it's better this way... at least if they just ignore me I can say they just don't understand what's going on#that they're just being fed lines by other people or don't care#...if... they... knew the shit Ukrainians go through and still didn't care... would be a lot harder to respect them#would take a certain level of callous to do that and... these are people I care about very much so#...but I don't know; eats at me... you know#...and even on less serious topics... boy I wish you'd ever listen to me#if it weren't for the fact you say you like me... I'd be pretty damn sure you can't fucking stand me and I do nothing but annoy you#...I don't know if you've... ever... listened to anything I've said on any subject#when you do; you usually correct me... even though; brilliant as you are... you're erm... not always right#I don't get it... I don't get you... every word I say seems to be wrong... I'm so stupid and you're so smart#and yet you get real upset when I want to die... so you must actually like me and our communication styles don't match up#thank god you never seem to read my tags... or... much of anything else I say#truthfully I'd follow you anywhere; and you can treat me any way you want#but man I don't think my thoughts or opinions matter to you even a little... I think I just exist to be your rubber duck#...that's how it feels anyway#but all that aside... just wish you'd listen to me on Ukraine cause it actually matters#this post started out about some other people too... and sure... I like them well enough; and they're maddeningly wrong#like sputnik levels or wrong#drives me nuts; like you're not stupid and you're not cruel so why do you act so stupid and cruel?... turn you brain on#but uh... I actually just don't care about them that much#where as you... I could put it into words... but I won't#it's just a shame... like forget any of the stuff about me; it's just you're so kind... wish you'd care about what's going on in Ukraine#...I gotta stop or I'll go on all night; and I'm already too tired#mm tag so i can find things later
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(tw discussion of self harm/wound care)
Took the gauze off this thing to change it and it immediately fuckin opened wide the fuck up again. Had to use butterfly bandages to get it to even stop fuckin bleeding. And my parents come home tmrw night. Chat am I cooked here (rhetorical. I am absolutely cooked)
#I didn't wanna use em bcuz A) we only have two and I think my parents will notice they're missing. and B) they apparently reduce the-#-severity of the scarring which. as fucked up as it is. is smth I Don't want.#I'm hoping it'll close up enough I can take it off asap and get the best of both worlds lmao#like. the thought of having it as wide as it is with the gauze over it gives me the ick bcuz of all the fibres getting in there#but also I want the scar to stay as wide as it currently is. which I know is fucked up but oh well#at least I won't have to deal with hiding it once I move into the apartment in August#as much as I'd like to not have this issue by August. I've had it for like 6 years and counting so Ayo I'm just tryna b safe with it#also my brain is like. haha like the fob song. my brother in Christ fob didn't invent butterfly closures. ur brainworms r showing.#I should prolly stop posting abt this shit on here but like. I don't have anyone else to talk abt it with so I'm yelling into the void yknow#hopefully I do a good enough job trigger-tagging it so nobody's getting bothered /gen#armchair speaks#blood mention#injury mention#tw sh#tw self harm#tw graphic
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while we're being anticapitalist please remember that you should still care about your coworkers
#cannot take you seriously if you knowingly fuck over your coworkers and then act like you're the perfect little leftist#babe commit time theft just actually show up to lunch close to on time five times in a month#i don't mean that they're only 10 minutes late i mean that they took over an hour on lunch yesterday and had the nerve to complain#my closest work friend bullied me into taking a break once this particular coworker came back since i hadn't had my break yet#for the record this coworker was also late coming into work that day so they didn't help us open and then was constantly making calls#that's not anticapitalist that's just fucking over the few people you claim to like at our job#sorry not sorry about the rant in the tags this is my post and my blog
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Yoba and Arisugawa Academy's Behind The Scenes look of their rendition of: 'The Hated Child Becomes a Princess'!
you might need to click the images to get a better look and also the scenes theyre based on are under the cut!
first drawing:
second drawing:
third drawing:
fourth drawing:
sixth drawing:
i would've drawn the backgrounds and them in the costumes similar to the characters but that would've been too much for me.
#crow's scribbles#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#i wont be tagging the guys that show up once (except for maho) so!#esora shimizu#towa hanamaki#yuka jennifer sasago#noa fukushima#kyoko yamate#maho akashi#rinku aimoto#if ur curious what the other roles are just go through my talking tag and u'll find my post talking abt it#i didn't tag it bc i wanted to keep this a surprise obviously#for the yuka and esora scene they just did a little magic w the camera angles to make esora look taller#(aka they put her on a box if they need to do a semi-close up shot and just make kurumi ((the camerawoman)) bend down to make her tall)#can u tell i love this a lot?#if not then now you do!#i would make a part two but. idk that will depend on me lol#probably not tho....
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#'hweehweehwee hoohoo >:3' says he
Snakey :3=<
#YEAH COPY-PASTING MY OWN TAG BECAUSE OH MY GOSH HOW DID MY QUEUED LUCIFER POSTS START POSTING /THE DAY AFTER/ I MADE THIS BLOG ASFQJKSKSKSK#(or was it the day before and i didn't notice until i made this blog. eITHER WAY it's plus-or-minus /ONE DAY/ LOL. ANYWAY:)#HOW#I DID NOT PLAN THAT NOR DID I KNOW WHEN THOSE POSTS WOULD SHOW UP ON MY OTHER BLOG LOL#IT'S SINCERELY FUNNY#BUT THAT JUST MEANS THOSE POSTS WILL APPEAR HERE NOW >:3#(and i'll once again be going ':D ! ! REBLOG??? FROM WHO??? :D ...oh it's just me -'pensive' but actually just sad emoji-' LOL)#ALSO HE DOES SAY HWEEWHEEWHEE HOOHOO I HEARD HIM AND HE APPROVED THIS COMMENT#pageofheartdj#lulu
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in every lifetime
summary: you lost logan in this universe. logan lost you in his. what happens when you both see each other again, but realize that you're both from different worlds? pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader warnings: post deadpool & wolverine ("worst" logan!variant), angst (mentions of death, loss from both reader and logan), no use of y/n. word count: 2.1k a/n: this is my first logan fic, so if anything is ooc, i'm sorry in advanced! just like everyone else, i've been obsessed with hugh jackman / logan after watching deadpool & wolverine (if it isn't obvious lol)... i had the song 'unchained melody' in mind when writing this story because whenever i hear it, i think of logan for some reason lol (tried to embed it but it didn't work, but i'd highly recommend listening to the song while reading this!) anyway, hope you enjoy! next part.
“I’ll be back.”
“But what if–”
“I always come back, bub.” Logan’s looking down at you, hand cupping your cheek. In moments like this, you can see the age in his features. The crows feet at the corners of his eyes. The gray in his hair and beard.
“Logan…” Tears sting your eyes. You know he has to leave, has to go help Charles, but there’s a feeling deep in your gut that knows that if he goes, he isn't coming back.
“Wait for me, then.” He says, dipping down to gently peck your lips. “Okay? Wait for me.”
“Logan,” you repeat. “What do I do if I– if I lose you?”
There’s a feeling in the pit of Logan’s stomach, a sense of dread and fear that he’s only ever felt when you were concerned. This feels a lot like a goodbye… That maybe if he does go, he won’t come back. And the thought alone scares him. He never used to have to think about the possibility of dying, his regenerative powers always healing him in record time, but he knows that he doesn’t heal as quickly as before. He feels more pain now than he ever had. And he knows he’s sick, knows that the adamantium that once gave him strength is now slowly making him weaker.
But now, the thought of dying… It fucking scared him. It scared him to think that he’d leave you here, all alone, grieving him. He had never thought he’d be deserving of someone like you, to be loved and taken care of so gently, so sweetly, so patiently. Even with all of the baggage he carried, you never pushed. He knew, right off the bat, that you deserved someone so much better than him, but you stayed.
Through it all, you stayed.
And Logan would forever be grateful. After everything he’s been through, the things he’s seen, the things he had to do, the people he’s lost, you gave him a life that was finally worth living.
“Then, you move on, darlin’.” Logan finally answers.
“And if I can’t?”
“You’ll have to.”
“I don’t… I don’t want you to go, but I know that you have to. Charles needs you and–”
“I love you with every fiber of my being, baby,” Logan interjects. “And I will love you in every lifetime.”
And that was almost a year ago. The moment he stopped calling, you knew that was it. That he either got into some real trouble or… Or that he was no longer here. It wasn’t until a young girl named Laura showed up on your doorstep, holding his dog tags that your assumptions were correct.
You had fallen to your knees, a sob escaping your lips, as you felt your world come crashing down. Logan’s death had left a gaping hole in your heart, in your life, and everywhere you looked and everywhere you went, all you could see was him.
You learned from Laura that during his last moments, he had told her to come and find you, that you would take care of her and give her a good life. Whenever you were around her, you tried to be strong, tried to put on a brave front, but behind closed doors, you were a complete mess. There were days where you didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to eat; you just wanted the pain to stop. Every night, whenever you closed your eyes, you forced yourself to sleep because that was the only place where you could be with him.
In your dreams, he was alive.
In your dreams, he had made it back home.
In your dreams, he was here with you, helping raise Laura.
And every time you woke up, you were welcomed with the sudden reality that he wasn’t alive. He wasn’t coming back home. He wasn’t ever going to be here with you to help raise Laura.
Logan was dead and now, you had to try and learn how to move on.
For yourself.
For Laura.
For Logan.
—
He didn’t know what he was doing here, why he agreed to stay with Wade because it was driving him crazy. This wasn’t even his timeline; he wasn’t even meant to be here. Despite saving Wade’s timeline, Logan still found it hard to fit in. He tried to keep Wade and every single one of his friends at an arm's distance because he knows what happens to people he cares about.
But the more time he spent around them, the more he felt at ease. Logan would be lying if he said he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when Laura mentioned your name at one of Wade’s family dinners, his heart skipped a beat. When he realized he would be able to stay in this timeline, you were all he could think about.
Logan wondered if you existed in this world and what he would do if you did. So, when Laura casually said your name, his head turned around so quickly that he felt dizzy. There were so many things he regretted in his own timeline, but you were his biggest regret.
Just like he failed the other X-men, Logan had failed you too. You had been there with the other X-men, trying to warn them of a planned attack and ended up getting caught in the crossfire. You had called out for him, just like Scott, like Charles, like Storm.
He managed to get to you before you had taken your last breath, holding you in his arms. Logan begged and begged for you to fight, that he’d do things right from now on as long as you just held on, but you were losing so much blood and Logan couldn’t stop it.
Even then, when you had every right to be angry with him, you gazed up at him with an understanding look on your face. You had always been so patient and kind, so sweet and considerate. You had made him so happy and it scared him, which ultimately ended in pushing you away because he didn’t think he was deserving of it. Of you.
“I love you, Logan,” you had said, wincing at the pain.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m–” Logan felt a sob catch in his throat, tears stinging his eyes as he looked down at you. “Please, baby, please please please, don’t–”
“I–” you coughed, eyes fluttering as you felt the pain overcome your entire body. “I will love you in every lifetime, Logan.” And then, you took your last breath, eyes falling shut and body falling limp in his arms.
Since then, Logan drank himself day after day, from dawn to dusk. The alcohol never truly helped, his regenerative powers sobering him so fast, but with every swig of liquor, it burned. And he spent years bringing pain unto others, including himself.
That was, until he met Wade who had given him a chance, a reason to fight for something… To not turn his back on someone who relied on him. A chance for redemption, to finally make things right.
“So, will you meet her?” Laura asks, holding Dogpool in her arms as she gazes up at Logan. “She– She used to be with this universe’s Logan and…”
“No chance, kid.” Logan interrupts, shaking his head. “I’m not him.”
“Did you have someone like her in yours?” she asks. “She’s always put me first, always made sure I was taken care of even when she didn’t have to, when she was grieving. And I think–” Laura sighs. “I think if she knows that some version of you is alive, it would make her real happy.”
“I’m not him,” Logan growls, feeling his irritation spike. “‘Sides, she’s better off without me.” He stands from the table and walks out into Wade’s balcony to get some fresh air, shutting the door behind him as he leans against the railing.
“But she’s coming tonight,” Laura finally says, long after Logan’s walked away.
Throughout the rest of the dinner, Logan remains outside. He can hear the muffled laughter coming from inside and it only angered him because it was just another confirmation that he didn’t belong here. He’s already on his fourth bottle of beer when he hears a familiar voice, smells a recognizable scent. He turns slightly and catches you stepping into Wade’s apartment, an arm slinging over Laura’s shoulders so casually, so maternally.
He feels his heart rate pick up. Your smile still lights up a room and he can’t help but his lips turning upwards at the sight. With his enhanced hearing, Logan can hear your voice and he shuts his eyes for a moment, tuning all of his attention on you until you’re the only one he hears.
Then, he hears your laugh and he lets out a sigh. He never thought he’d be able to hear that again, but his eyes shoot open when he hears you say his name. There’s a shocked tone in your voice, laced with sadness and hope. It all but crushes him because he knows that you’re probably expecting someone else, expecting this world’s Logan and he doesn’t want to disappoint you. Not again. He doesn’t think he’d be able to handle it if he were to hurt you again.
But when he looks at you, his breath catches in his throat when your eyes meet his. Logan notices the surprise look on your face, but before he could try and escape, you’re already walking towards him. When you open the door and step out with him, your scent fills his senses and it makes him dizzy, like he can’t fully concentrate.
“You…” he hears you say, voice unsteady. “You’re not… I’m–” you sigh and shake your head.
“I know who you are,” Logan finally says, his own voice shaky.
Your hands reach out for him, but stopping halfway when you realize this isn’t your Logan. This is not the same man who died all those years ago. This is some version of him – much younger, less wrinkles and gray hairs in his hair and beard, but he still has that same look on his face. The scowl.
“From Laura?” you ask hesitantly.
“From my universe,” Logan answers.
“There– There’s a version of me in your universe?”
“There was.”
“And what happened to me?”
Logan’s jaw tightens. “The same thing that happened to your Logan in this universe.”
“Oh.” Your face drops, eyes softening. “I’m sorry,” you whisper.
Logan wants to run far from here, far from you because he feels himself yearning for more. He almost forgot how it felt like to be near you, to be inches away that he can just reach out and pull you into his arms. Your eyes captivate him, the kindness it expresses makes him feel like he matters. You had always made him feel that way that even through all of his anger, through all of the walls he put up, you showed him that he was deserving of something good. Even if he didn’t believe it himself.
And you… You were the best thing to ever happen to him.
“Don’t know why you’re apologizin’,” Logan mutters.
There’s an uncomfortable silence that engulfs the both of you. He can see the tears threatening to spill over, can see the way your lower lip is beginning to tremble and he has this sudden urge to console you, to wipe away the tears that have now fallen down your cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” you repeat, bringing your hands up to wipe away the tears that seem to be trickling down your face nonstop. “I just– Losing my Logan just crushed me and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered.”
My Logan.
Logan can practically feel his heart beating in his chest. This isn’t a conversation that he thought he would be having and certainly not with someone he loved and died because of him.
“That’s okay,” Logan responds quietly, his tone softening. “I don’t think it’s easy to recover from losing someone you love.”
“Did you– Did you love me in your universe?”
Logan nods slowly, tightening his jaw as he gazes down at you. “With every fiber of my being.”
Your eyes widen and stare up at him. This might be a different Logan, but hearing those words again just brings you back to the moment you last saw your Logan before he left to go take care of Charles.
“Did you love me in yours?” Logan asks hesitantly.
You nod instantly, tears trickling down your cheek as you stare up at him. “I’d love you in every lifetime.”
Logan feels his own set of tears pool at the corners of his eyes and he moves a hand to rest on the railing, fingers lightly brushing against yours as he stares into your eyes.
“I’m not him,” he whispers.
“I know,” you say quietly. “And I’m not her.”
#hugh jackman wolverine#hugh jackman character#logan howlett#wolverine#worst wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#logan howlett fanfic#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine fanfic#wolverine fanfiction#worst wolverine fanfic#worst wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#post deadpool & wolverine#worst logan!variant#hugh jackman#logan howlett x f!reader
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