#i pardon the guy who did that he did nothing wrong actually

[python333]

im in love with your content omg😭 your writing style is just chefs kiss

can i req a reader with the tf141 being on a mission and hearing an enemy say something in british slang and they just go "what did they just say.." in comms? like a reader who doesnt know anything about slang like not even that bars in the uk r called pubs (if im not wrong) and just nods whenever a private talks in slang, and their brain is just trying to figure out what they just said?

its just a really silly plot with a silly reader :3

pardon? — python333

— — — —

synopsis just as the req says, you know nothing about british slang and on a mission the enemy speaks british and you dont know what theyre saying :3

relationships platonic!taskforce 141 & reader.

characters cap. price, soap, ghost, gaz.

word count 2.6k

warnings 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note HI YES I LOVE THIS REQ!! i take every opportunity i can to make fun of british people so this is right up my alley!! tysm for the compliments hjfhdjskf recently ive been getting more praise on my works and it makes me so happy i love yall. again, sorry if this sounds a little rushed or if any parts are incoherent, i wrote this at 12/1am and im both more productive and write more nonsense at this time + this one is wayyyy shorter than ones i usually do because i didnt know what else to write for it so i apologize for that as well! this is pure fluff and humor (i like to think im funny) so enjoy!!

“—eah, and now we have to camp out here ‘cause he can’t be arsed to do it ‘imself, so I feel like we should have a chat with the others, see if they’re willing to leg it out of here with us,” An enemy soldier suggests to you, his British accent thick enough that you think it might be cockney.

You cross your arms to hide your shaking hands and nod in agreement, as if you understood anything he said, and put on the same shitty British accent you’d been using for the past five minutes you’d been talking to this guy.

��Yeah, yeah, totally,” You agree, clearing your throat before asking, “You know where the others are stationed?”

“You don’t?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at you suspiciously.

“Mate, all the orders I was given went in one ear and out the other,” You sigh, holding back a wince at your desperate attempt to sound more natural using British slang, “I just know I’ve got to stand out here and shoot the enemy.”

The enemy eyes you suspiciously and he takes a moment to try and read your face before he says, “I don’t think I’ve seen you before, actually. Which would be weird, if we’re in the same platoon, don’t you—” 

You sigh and quickly pull out the small switchblade you had hanging on your belt, stabbing the enemy in the neck before he can say anything else and grabbing him before he can drop to the ground, putting a hand behind his back as you half lead half drag him into a dark alleyway beside the building he was stationed outside of. 

You quickly set him down into a sitting position and take your knife out of his throat, tucking the blade back into the handle before adjusting it to latch onto your belt once again, letting out a frustrated huff as you stare at the now dead man in front of you. 

“[c/n], how copy?” Price’s voice crackles through on your ear piece. 

You push in the PTT button and lower your voice, “Copy, I fucked up a little bit. One of the guys was onto me.”

“You were there for five bloody minutes,” Gaz’s voice rings through, his tone both disbelieving and amused, “How’d he already catch onto you?” 

“The British are smarter than I thought,” You breathe out, standing up and looking around for a ladder to climb to get to higher ground before anyone spots you. You go farther into the alley and find an old, rusty ladder with rungs that look like they’d snap if someone sneezed on them too hard—perfect for climbing up.

You wrinkle your nose as your hand makes contact with one of the rungs but don’t say anything otherwise, instead wordlessly hauling yourself up onto the ladder. 

“Reminder that there’s three British people with you, currently,” Ghost’s deadpan tone crackles, his breathing heavy, as you can tell he’s whispering into his mic, “All of which are very smart.”

“I caught you reading the instructions on a box of tea bags the other day, don’t fuckin’ talk right now,” You grumble, slowly climbing up the ladder, hating the creaking noises it makes as you do. It sounds like it’s going to snap at any minute, and you try to go up as fast as you can, but one wrong move and you’ll easily slip, some of the rust that flakes off of the ladder enough to make you slip up. 

“They were circles,” Ghost says, exasperated, “I didn’t know if that made a difference.” 

“I thought British people were supposed to know everything about tea,” You roll your eyes, putting your hand on the next rusty rung up on the ladder. 

“Yeah, L.t,” Soap agrees with you teasingly, the wind hitting his mic, making it obvious that he’s running, “Thought ye Brits were s’possed to ken everything ‘bout tea.” 

You laugh quietly to yourself as you finally make it to the top of the building, the top just high enough for you to look at the few soldiers below and hear a majority of their conversations without them noticing you.

You get to the edge of the rooftop and pull the sniper rifle you’d been carrying around off of your back, glad to finally be back in your element rather than trying to get in undercover, and set it up. 

You pull the stand out and set it on the edge of the roof, and look through the scope of the rifle, lining it up so that it’s aiming directly at one of the soldier’s heads, specifically the one that was standing directly out of the entrance you originally were meant to try and get into—but doing this didn’t change much.

Regardless of if you got in or not, he would’ve died, and the others would’ve gotten in too. You getting in first was just meant to make it more efficient.

You press down on the PTT button on your earpiece as you look through the scope of your sniper rifle, keeping the aim on the soldier in front of the entrance, “The guy in front of the entrance is just standing still, so whenever you need me to, I can shoot ‘im down.” 

“I don’t think we need to get in just yet,” Price hums, “But maybe in a minute.” “M’kay,” You hum, taking your eye away from the scope, instead just looking over at the enemy soldiers. You lay on your stomach, leaning your head down a bit to try and listen in on the enemy’s conversations easier, trying your best not to make yourself too obvious.

The conversations were pretty boring and almost the same for every soldier you’d eavesdropped on, for the most part. Enemy soldiers joking around, talking about what they’ll do once they’re on leave—like they would be able to do that after you completed your assignment—and just some general team camaraderie.

The lackluster subjects of their conversations weren’t bad at all, no, in fact, you could care less what they talk about. 

It was their stupid accents you hated. 

Are you surrounded by British people everyday? Yes. Does that stop you from hating on the British everyday? No. Okay, maybe the accents aren’t stupid, but God, they had the thickest cockney accents you’d heard in your entire life, and it was making your eavesdropping so much harder, and had almost been the reason you were given away earlier.

They used slang words that you’re certain you’ve never heard before in your life, and used analogies that didn’t even make sense—you heard one of them use the words, verbatim, ‘Don’t get stroppy’. Stroppy? Stroppy? 

You narrow your eyes down at the soldiers below you, listening to a conversation they’d just started up. 

“—eah, ‘cause he can’t be arsed to do anything about it, so now we have to camp out here and wait for somethin’ to happen,” One of the soldiers scoffs, “I’m telling you, man, if I see that skull-masked bloke runnin’ ‘round out here, I’m legging it from ‘im immediately.” 

You draw your eyebrows together in confusion, but you stay silent for now. Isn’t that exactly what the other soldier said? Are they like a hive mind or something?

“You’re legging it?” The other soldier asked, sounding almost incredulous, “What happened to you chattin’ to some of the others about your loyalty and what not?” “All that’s irrelevant when the fuckin’ grim reaper rolls around and starts murkin’ people like he’s been doing for the entirety we’ve been here, mate,” The first soldier laughs, “You think I wanna be here when he does that?” 

“Don’t act like a prat about it, man—fuckin’ talking’ like you can outrun him.” “A prat? I’m not—” You tune out the rest of their argument and instead try and figure out what they were saying.

A prat? Legging it? Can’t be arsed? What the fuck? You push the PTT button on your earpiece and as quietly as you can, you ask, “I need some help. Serious help. Life or death situation.” Immediately, Price’s voice rings through, “What? What is it? What happened?” “The soldiers are British and I can’t tell what they’re saying,” You answer, ignoring Price’s relieved sigh on his end, “I need help.” “Jesus, fuck, don’t scare me like that,” Price sighs, taking a few breaths before continuing, “Alright, what do you need help with?” 

“Figuring out what they’re saying.” This time, you hear Gaz’s voice crackle through, “Well, you’ve got three British people here—tell us what he’s saying.” 

“One of the guys was talking about ‘legging it’ if he saw Ghost heading towards him, and talked about Ghost ‘murking’ people, and then the other guy he was talking to told him he was being a ‘prat’ about it and he got all offended,” You eloquently say into the earpiece, watching as the argument gets a little more heated. You can hear an amused huff from Ghost on his end and a scoff from Soap in return. 

“They’re just saying they’re gonna run away if they see Ghost because he’s been killing a lot of their soldiers, and the other guy said he was being a prat, which I guess is like…” Gaz pauses to think of how to explain the slang term before settling on, “Someone who’s kind of full of themselves, I guess. Or ignorant. Either or.” 

“They couldn’t just say that?” You muse quietly, still staring down at the enemy soldiers. 

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that,” Price’s voice cuts through, “Go ahead and shoot the guy down. I’m ready to head in.”

“Got it,” You hum, quickly putting your eye back up to your scope and readjusting it a bit before quietly warning, “Shooting him now.” 

You pull the trigger and the enemy goes down immediately, and through your scope you can see the small twitching of his body as the other soldier starts to freak out.

You quickly aim the gun at his still-alive friend and shoot him down as well, silently congratulating yourself on your good aim and continuing to look through the scope, watching as Price runs in with Gaz and a few other soldiers. 

They struggle with the door for a moment and you sigh before pressing in the PTT button on your earpiece and quietly saying, “Price, Gaz, move away from the door for a sec.”

Wordlessly, they do as they’re told, and you take the opportunity to line up the gun’s aim with the complex electronic panel on the outside of the door and pull the trigger, shooting the most crucial part of the panel, causing it’s functions to disrupt and as a result, the doors open. 

“Thanks for that,” Gaz breathes out as Price kicks open the door, his voice cut off a bit at the end as he takes his hand off the PTT button too quickly in order to follow after Price. 

“Uh huh. Of course,” You say offhandedly, taking your eye away from the scope of your sniper rifle and listening to the loud sirens go off in the facility the others break into, and push yourself up so that you can sit up straight to properly watch it. You grunt as you sit up, stretching your arms out for a moment before letting them fall into your lap. 

“Are they in?” Soap asks, curious, his voice a little strained and breathy. There’s no loud gusts of wind coming through his mic anymore, and you look around for a moment, before your eyes catch on to him climbing up a ladder to get to the rooftop adjacent to yours.

Your lips twitch into a smile at the sight of him completely clueless to your presence and you press your PTT button to talk. 

“Yeah, they’re in,” You say, watching as he finally gets to the rooftop, “Didn’t you hear the sirens?” 

You can see Soap’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion for a moment, and he looks around for a moment before finally seeing you on the rooftop directly next to his, and he looks surprised for a moment before a grin splits across his face. You see him press the PTT button on his mic as well. 

“I did, yeah, just wanted tae be sure,” He says into his mic, looking right at you as he does, “It’s a surprise seeing you here.” 

“Imagine how I feel,” You muse, almost to yourself, before looking away from Soap and speaking up, “Ghost, you don’t wanna join us on the rooftops?” 

“Absolutely not,” He replies almost immediately, making you huff out a small laugh and Soap’s grin grow, “I’m perfectly fine on the ground.” 

“Where are you?” You ask, scanning the area around you for Ghost, “I feel like I haven’t seen you this whole time.” 

“I’m just behind the facility,” Ghost hums, voice still a low whisper, “I’m gonna be heading in once Gaz and Price make it to the second floor to clean up the first, in case there’s anyone left.” 

“You’ve been behind the facility this whole time?” Soap’s voice cuts through, surprised by the fact. 

“Mhm,” Ghost hums. 

“It’s a bit boring back there, innit?” Gaz’s voice crackles through, his voice a little breathy, “You can sweep the first floor, by the way. Should be nobody left, though. Pretty sure all the soldiers were just faffing around, not doing much.” 

“Fucking faffing around?” You ask incredulously to yourself, though apparently your voice is loud enough to make Soap chuckle. 

As if he can read your mind, Price’s voice comes through, “Faffing around is just doing nothing or doing nothing particularly productive, [c/n].” 

You sigh and push your PTT button this time, talking into your mic, “You couldn’t just say that, Gaz? You had to say something silly like faffing around?” 

“It’s not silly,” Gaz says, his frown audible, “They were faffing around.” 

“Jesus, fuck,” You breathe out, laughing lightly, “It’s totally silly.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it’s—” 

“I just want one day where you two don’t start up stupid arguments like this,” Price’s tired sigh comes through, “Just one day, I beg of you both.” 

“Aw, Captain, we were just faffing around,” You whine playfully, the misuse of the slang making Soap cover his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter and you hear Ghost groan into his mic. 

“That is absolutely not how you use that,” Gaz says, though you can hear some laughter in his voice—from your very non-British accent saying British phrases, you presume, a small grin gracing your lips at the thought. 

“It sounded natural to me,” You lie straight through your teeth, shrugging even though only Soap can see you. 

“You’re insufferable,” Gaz groans, making you laugh quietly, “Never use British slang again, please.” 

“What if I get a British accent? Will that fix it?”

“Nothing can fix what you’ve said today, [c/n].”

“Well that’s dramatic,” You scoff, “I’ll learn British just for you guys.” 

“Holy shit, please stop talking,” Price’s exasperated voice interrupts the both of you, “You’re both insufferable. Drop it.” 

“… I don’t think I will,” You say defiantly, making all three British people in the same voice channel as you groan in unison, the sound sounding like some sort of middle school choir trying to sing in harmony, “I’ll use Duolingo or something to learn it.” 

“British isn’t a language you learn, you muppet,” Price grumbles, making you snort. 

“Muppet?” 

“It’s someone who’s dumb and clueless and can’t take a hint, like you,” Ghost defines, “And Soap, most of the time.” 

“Daen’t go draggin’ mae into this,” Soap’s voice quickly cuts through, “I haven’t said onything.” 

“Uh, yes you absolutely did, earlier, remember?” Gaz argues, ignoring Price’s protests for him to stop arguing, “About Ghost being stupid with the tea thing?” 

“Oh, I’ll have you all know—” 

“Ghost, don’t start—” 

You listen as the once casual, teasing conversation turns into an argument and chuckle quietly to yourself, knowing that they’d be arguing about this until you all finished your assignment.

[ladykailitha]

The Harrington Pattern Part 1

Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late uploading today, but I went to bed early last night and forgot to schedule this.

Oops!

But! Welcome to what I've been calling Steve is a History Nerd agenda. We see in season two on Steve's essay for colleges that he can link his grandfather's military service with his prowess on the basketball court.

It is also surprisingly well written. *shakes fist at the Duffers stop telling us he's stupid and then showing the opposite, please! Let him be smart, too!*

Summary: The Renaissance Fair is finally back in Hawkins after three year absence (Starcourt was built on the fair site and after the fire it was bulldozed back to it's original field). Everyone is excited, even Steve to everyone's amazement. But Steve is hiding other hidden depths as he offers to help the kids make their costumes for the Fair.

Lucas is struggling with being both a nerd and a jock and fears the judgment of his friends. Steve sets out to help him overcome those doubts to be himself.

Tagging the untaggable: @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

***

Nobody expects Steve to be excited for the Renaissance fair. Dustin, Will and Lucas spend hours plotting bribes, schemes and out and out manipulations to get Steve to agree to take them. Even Robin expected him to side with her about the dust and the filth. Eddie expected him to be dismissive of the fantasy aspect of it.

Boy were they all wrong.

For it was Steve to bring up to the group after a rather successful D&D session.

In his hand was a bright pink flier and a wide grin on his face.

“Guys! The Ren Fair is back this year,” he said in lieu of a greeting. “I’ll finally be able to show off that tunic I’ve been working on.”

All heads turned to Steve in shock.

There was a cacophony of questions.

“Since when did you know how to sew?”

“What do you mean back? I didn’t even know Hawkins had one to begin with!”

“You want to go to the Ren Fair?”

“Why would you want to spend all day in the heat and dirt?”

Steve looked around at all off his friends in shock.

“Guys, I love the Ren Fair,” he muttered. “Didn’t you guys know?”

All their jaws dropped.

And Eddie? Eddie felt an icicle to the heart at the sight of Steve’s hurt expression.

“You’ll pardon the peasants, my liege,” Eddie said, bowing grandly. “I’m afraid we have all be harboring under the delusion that Ren Fairs were beneath your notice.”

Steve blinked at him a moment. “But I love that stuff. It’s the history and sword fights and jousting. It’s the like medieval Olympics. It’s the romance and chivalry of knights fighting for a fair maiden’s hand. It’s getting to dress up in fancy clothes and rip into turkey legs like a savage. What’s not to like?”

Dustin frowned. “Who here knew Steve liked history?”

Robin and Nancy raised their hands. They looked around waiting for me people to join them. But they stayed down.

Steve ducked his head and scuffed the floor with the edge of his sneaker.

“The ex-girlfriend I’ll buy,” Dustin continued. “But Robin didn’t become friends with Steve until after he graduated so how did she know?”

Robin blinked at them owlishly. “You mean you guys don’t know?”

Everyone looked around each other and then shook their heads.

“Steve was in my AP history class my junior year,” she said as if this was know fact.

“You do know that AP stands for advance placement, right?” Mike asked.

Eddie smacked the back of his head. “She was in it, dude. Don’t be an ass.”

Steve looked up at him and smiled a little.

Good, Eddie thought. Nothing like a little Mike violence to cheer up Steve.

“He wrote an essay for early placement college exams,” Nancy said. “He didn’t get a chance to turn it in because of our second go round with the Upside Down, but it was really good. It needed a little neatening up with the actual writing, but the history was solid.”

Steve blushed. “Thanks.”

Dustin looked skeptical. “What’s your favorite part of history?”

Steve opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I liked hearing about my grandpa’s time in the US army during WWII, but that was more because he made it interesting. But I really like the Industrial Revolution. Or rather the first Industrial Revolution. There have been four. The first one was from 1760-1840 and featured heavily in the textile movement.”

The room was silent.

“Why textiles, Stevie?” Eddie asked as the silence grew awkward.

Steve lit up like a child at Christmas morning and he began talking about the British textile movement.

“What the hell?” Dustin huffed, breaking into Steve monologue.

Steve ducked his head again and blushed. “Just because I’m not interested in science and fantasy doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” He straightened up. “And yeah, sometimes I get things wrong. But everyone does at some point. In fact I get a hell of a lot more flack for my intelligence than Eddie does and he repeated his senior year twice!” He took a deep breath and then ran his fingers through his hair.

“No offense,” he said waving to Eddie.

Eddie looked up at him with earnest eyes. “None taken. I concur.”

They all looked around at each other in shock. Like they hadn’t realized that they had done that.

After a few moments, Steve put his hands on his hips and pointed at all of them.

“So do you guys want to go or what?”

Eddie sat back with a smile as everyone roared their approval.

*

“No corsets,” was Robin’s only firm and fast rule for Steve when it came to dressing her up for the Ren Fair.

Steve looked her up and down. “Why on earth would I want you in a corset? Have you looked in the mirror?”

“Uh...” Robin said. “Is that a trick question? Of course I have. I don’t what that has to do with saying no to corsets though...”

Steve rolled his eyes. “In order to give you the curve you need to match the proper silhouette you would need to be cinched to hell. And as this is supposed to be fun.”

He grabbed her hand and started hauling her toward his car.

“Where are we going?”

“Thrifting!” he said with glee.

It took three different stores and a stop at the mall to get everything he needed.

“Give me three days,” he told her when he dropped her off at her house. “And I think you’ll like what I come up with.”

Robin eyed him warily. “If you say so.”

Steve laughed.

He crashed the next D&D session, showing up early to pick them up.

“What is everyone wearing to the Ren Fair?” he asked with a note pad on his lap and wagged the pen in his fingers.

“You want us to dress up?” Mike asked, eyes wide.

“Why not?” he asked with a shrug. “I’ve made my costume and currently reworking some thirfted threads for Robin’s outfit.”

Eddie blinked. “You made your costume?”

Steve shrugged again. “Yeah. I like sewing.”

There was suddenly an uproar and he held up a hand. “I can’t make you a full outfit before the Fair, but I can make over already made clothes to make them more historical. And maybe for next year I’ll have the time to make something special for everyone.”

Dustin eyed him suspiciously. “Like what?”

“Like tailoring pants to a tighter fit,” Steve explained “adding a sash or belt, turning old coats into vests and cloaks, things like that.”

They still weren’t sure how that would work out.

“Now I talked to Joyce and Claudia,” he continued. “And they’re both willing to help out in making sure everyone has something nice to wear. That includes Max and El.”

“Are the fair maidens joining us?” Eddie asked.

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Joyce is doing El and Will, Claudia is doing Dustin and Mike, and I’m doing Lucas and Max. Eddie said he already had a costume, so I didn’t have to worry about him.”

Eddie grinned. “You better believe it, pretty boy.”

Steve ducked his head and blushed. “So we’re all going thrifting with a $5 limit for each of you. But I wanted to brainstorm some ideas of what you wanted to go as so we don’t waste time wandering around.”

Everyone started shouting at once and it took Steve a good ten minutes before he got everyone calmed down enough to get what they wanted. Dustin wanted to go as a hobbit, but Steve had to nix that one.

“You don’t want to go running around the grounds barefoot,” he explained with a wince. “It’s not safe.”

“I’m going to have to agree with Stevie on this one,” Eddie said. “You guys have never been but there is all sorts of stuff laying around. It’s not indoors and the pathways are dirt lined. Think the state fair. It’s more like that then going to comic book convention.”

Dustin grumbled but conceded the point. Steve got them to decide on... well not quite peasant gear, but more rough around the edges than what Steve would be wearing.

Well, all but Lucas. He didn’t want to wear what they were wearing but he refused to say what he did want to wear.

So Steve dropped him off at home last.

They pulled into his driveway and Steve turned to him. “Do you not want to dress up? Because I won’t make you.”

Lucas picked at the loose string on his sweater. “It’s not that. I just remember the last time we did a group costume and they all thought I should be Winston because I was black like he was.”

Steve frowned for a moment. “The Ghostbusters, right?”

Lucas nodded. “I knew if I brought it up they’d shoot me down again.”

“So what did you want to go as?” he asked.

Lucas huffed out a sigh. “It doesn’t matter. It’s a stupid pipe dream anyway. Especially since you have to make Max’s dress and Robin’s costume, too.”

He opened the door to get out, but Steve reached over and slammed it closed.

“One, Robin’s costume is almost done,” he said counting out on his fingers. “Two, do you really think your girlfriend is going to want to wear a dress? And three, let me be the judge on what’s too much for me, okay?”

Lucas huffed a laugh at his second point. “Yeah, that was dumb of me.”

“So what is it?”

Lucas looked down again and heaved out a sigh. “An elf.”

Steve’s mind was whirling with the possibilities. “What colors?”

“What?” Lucas asked, not sure he heard Steve right.

“What colors would you want it to be?”

He pulled out the notebook and scrambled for a pen. Lucas pulled a pencil out of his bag and handed it to him.

“Uh I was thinking of a light blue and with a silver trim?” he said hesitantly.

Steve sketched something out. “Like this?”

Lucas leaned over to look at the drawing. “A little shorter so I’m not tripping over it and maybe those puffy pants?”

Steve adjusted the drawing and Lucas nodded.

“Yeah, like that.”

“All right,” Steve said. “I know exactly what to do and how to do it. It won’t be perfect because I don’t have time to do it right so I’ll be doing a lot of cheating. But yeah, it’s doable.”

Lucas gave him a hug. “Thanks, man.”

*

Steve called the one person he knew he could help him.

“Eddie,” he said the second the other man picked up. “I need your nerd connections to do a huge favor for Lucas.”

“Wha’cha got, big boy?” Eddie asked with a grin.

“You wouldn’t happen to know any Trekkies would you?” Steve asked chewing on his bottom lip.

“That depends, Stevie,” Eddie replied, “what’s the need?”

“Pointed ears.”

Eddie hummed. “I’m assuming you’re thinking Trekkie because of Spock and that’s a good thought. But I’m guessing since we’re going to the Ren Fair our stalwart ranger is wanting to be an elf?”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “Do you know anyone who can help?”

“Better than that,” Eddie said. “I know where to get the ears in the right... shade?”

Steve perked up. “Oh? I’m guessing Jeff?”

“Right in one, darlin’,” Eddie said with a soft smile. “I’ll give him a call and then call you back.”

“Thanks, Eds,” Steve breathed. “You’re the best.”

“Thanks, doll.”

****

I am so excited for this, guys. You have no idea. I'm little history nerd myself and this really fun to play around with.

Just a heads up. We WILL be addressing Mike's casual racism from the Ghostbusters scene because I don't like that it's never been addressed.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 @artiststarme ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual

[shayasay]

2024 tbhk x reader writers gang UP !!!! I'd like to request for Teru, Akane, and Lemon x reader who's very...open? Like they have a out of pocket humour, says the most inappropriate jokes in the wrong time (the sc president/teacher almost caught them 😔) and isn't afraid to be chaotic. Being with them somehow never becomes boring because theres always some shit going on (like almost falling off a building or getting involved with the cops) BOY are they special. Just Akane is fine if you dont feel like writing for 3 people but either way thank you v much🙏

(Extra scenes:

Akane: how to get red dye?

Reader: idk period blood

Akane: *jaw drops to the floor*

--------

Reader: *telling the wildest inappropriate gossip ever*

Teru who heard and is standing right behind them:

-------

Lemon and reader: *had a 1 hour deep talk with lemon sitting on a bench*

Reader, about to leave: oh and btw, that bench was newly painted *walks away*

HIII YES OF COURSEEEEE I HOPE THIS IS OKAY I really tried my best on it! And I wrote this at 2 am I hope this satisfies 😭🩷

————————————————————————

With a reader who makes out of pocket jokes

Featuring: Akane, Lemon and Teru!

Akane

- Blushes when you say something inappropriate towards him no questions asked

- This one time he was teaching how to make origami and you said something inappropriate

- He paused for a good minute and scared at you, gawking with wide eyes and blushing

- “Okay so you’re gonna wanna fold this part here” “Shit I wish I was that piece of paper so you could fold me” “…I’m sorry?”

- There be times where you would just ask him questions, questions such as for example what part of the day was his favourite

- “Akane question?” “Shoot” “what time of day is your favourite?” “night time!” “Great so me, you, tonight, in my bed.” “…”

- he blushed and tried to say something but literally failed, he stuttered so much he just honestly gave up.

- Like sometimes you whisper things in his ear n he’d just stare and gawk at you in disbelief

- You toyed with him once while he was speaking to Teru and he tried so hard to not blush or make it look like he was flustered

- News flash, he failed.

- Teru was laughing at his ass afterwards

- or times where you were whispering the most jaw dropping shit into his ear and Teru heard it all and saw he’s reaction as well

- Teru never let him live it DOWN

Teru

- Will stare at you in disbelief and will quite literally say “I beg your pardon?”

- He once was painting something for the school with a bucket of white paint and to make things worse it fell on him

- He called you and asked you for help

- and what did you say? “Teru is that cu-“ “Get out.” “WAIT IM SORRY”

- There’s been so many times where you whispered the most jaw dropping shit into his ear and his giving you the biggest “I’m sorry?” ass look

- You actually told him some good ass drama and he listened to the whole thing while even gawked here n there because of the OUTRAGEOUS things he’s been hearing

- He’s lowkey willing to give Akane his work load just to here the things you tell him

- “Psst… Teru.” “Hm?” “Are you a trampoline? Because I’d really like to bounce on you.”

- *Queue you sprinting out the room as he’s at his desk so lost at weither he should be shocked or appreciate what you said and take it like a compliment

- “I…. what?…” “Y/n-“ “…..”

- Akane having heard that just giving you and him the most judgemental look ever

Lemon

- You tell him the most jaw dropping drama n he handles it like nothing

- You jokes just make him pause for a good second and then resume back to what he was doing

- you once whispered into his ear “you tryna bounce that ass for me?”

- he just stopped scrolling on TikTok and did a slow turn to look at you with the most judgmental look

- “No… I’m not…”

- You two literally hear drama and gossip with each other and if you guys hear the drama together, you two are looking at each other n gawking bc what did I just hear?

- He’s on his phone a lot so when you say something out of pocket he just pauses what he was doing n stares at you for like a few seconds or a minute

- Sometimes he even says out of pocket things to you as well n sometimes you do blush, same with him

- you two literally gossip to each other the most craziest things ever

- if you try to embarrass him n whispering UNHINGED shit in his ear, he’ll do the same to you but worse

- I can confirm you one had a battle about it

- of course he won because the shit he says is way worse then the shit you say

- “Hey babe where did the red die go?” “Idk check your pad.”

- You were so dumbfounded that you paused n blinked at him

- “shit… he beat me too it”

———————————

- All n all awesome bfs 👍

DONT FORGET THE CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP TO 18+ NO WORRIES 🩷

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

HII slug! I've been reading some of your posts and I've noticed how you give your opinions on drama tracks and so, can I ask you to do the same with Fling Posse's latest DT, 'Just Friend'? (I know it's been a few months since it's out.. and you've probably checked it by now but still, if you can)

You caught me at a good moment, so sure! I haven't listened to or looked at any of the recent drama tracks. Thanks for giving me an excuse to do so.

Under a cut for length. You can read along with Twitter user higuchiiscool's translation here.

Omg a wild butler appeared

"Arisugawa family butler" Wait I was just kidding hahaha. Instantly fond of this new character

"We need your help" Huh, I thought this was Otome asking her widdle baby boy to come home, but apparently the servants have taken matters into their own hands. Okay, I'm invested. Let's see where this is going

"Gentaro:  This is quite a demanding deadline. I’m not sure if even I can turn in a manuscript with this schedule." Sorry for being obnoxious but this is my life right now (15 sobbing emojis) Gentaro, let us cry together in one another's arms

"Gentaro:  [Sighs] I suppose it can’t be helped." Noo, Gentarou! That's not how you do it! Push back on unreasonable deadlines! Say no to more work! Gentarou! Gentarou!!!

I love the sounds of Gentarou shoving handfuls of crap into a bag. Just how much stuff does he have out on the table?

"Gentaro:  My elder brother… has woken up?" YOOOO

"Brother:  Pardon… Did you just refer to me as your elder brother?" The classic amnesia plot twist. We love to see it. In all actuality, it wouldn't surprise me if a person who's been in a coma for... months...? (<- nebulous Hypmic timeline strikes back) had some cognitive issues upon waking but this is Fiction. Memory problems exist for Drama.

"Gentaro:  Of course it is. These are your clothes, after all." Real talk. Can you imagine waking up from a coma with holes in your memory and someone waltzes in, introduces themselves as your family member, and immediately confesses they raided your closet while you were out cold? The audacity lol. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins behavior.

"I guess this means it’s come time to reveal this." Is this some memorized manuscript bullshit I smell?

Shout-out to the translated script for the delightfully Ramuda-esque "[tummy grumbly]" stage direction

I love the switch from "Ooh, ooh, is it gonna be Gentarou? Or is it gonna be Dice? ...Why the hell are they still calling me?"

"Even if I told you we’d give you the candy’s formula?" Girl. You could always do the right thing and just hand it over. Like you have no reason to make this guy's life hell. Other than funsies. "Yes, but it's a final bargaining chip for making Ramuda work for them one last time--" If you're using life-saving medicine to force someone to work for you for free, you're just practicing slavery with extra steps. Chuuouku's casual cruelty continues to upset me. More at 11.

"Ramuda:  … I heard that you can’t make those anymore." I'm glad he remembers important plot points because I don't <3

"Ichijiku:  I’ll go there right now. Ramuda:  It’ll cause problems if you come here. I’ll go to Chuuoku, so wait." What problems could it possibly cause? He's in his studio, which seems to have a revolving door of female visitors. Like the worst thing that could happen is his neighbors thinking he's shagging the (ex? I do not remember) prime minister's aide. Right? Someone please come tell me I'm wrong and a fool.

"Ramuda:  [From behind wall] I heard that you can’t make those anymore." HOW THIN ARE HIS WALLS... Maybe Ramuda had a point after all. If people outside on the street can hear him talking at normal conversation level--to say nothing of the other things happening in that office!--the neighbors are no doubt fed up with him bringing home oneesans.

Oneesans or no, can you imagine how hellish it would be to work next door to this office? Every time Dice and Gentarou come other, it's nothing but "gAAAAAAAAHHH" "meow MEOW MEOW MEOW" "PPPLLLSSSS GIVE ME MONEEEEEEY BWEHEHEHEEEEEEEH I'M SO BROOOOOKE." Think how much rent these poor people are paying, and for this? I would snap.

"Gentaro:  I guess I’ll follow him." And not, like, talk to him first? Just tail your bestest bestie like a total creep?

"Ichijiku:  Find where Otome-sama is. Ramuda:  What do you mean? So you don’t know where she is?" 1. Me too; I don't remember what this means either. 2. Oh, this is going to be the Arisugawa's servants' request of Dice.

"Ramuda: Why are you asking me, anyways?" Yeah for real though

"Ramuda:  It seems like Tohoten Otome is definitely missing. But why is Dice connected? There’s definitely something. I guess all I can do is investigate Dice." I deadass forgot the Dice = Otoson reveal hasn't happened to FP yet.

"Gentaro:  What was he doing? Is he being threatened? No, then he’d definitely contact Dice and I* immediately. Could it be… Ramuda is still connected with them…? Should I ask him directly or not…?" Do you smarmy little bitchboys still not trust one another? I swear to fucking god

Hypmic at every opportunity: You gotta talk to each other :) The Hypmic boys, also at every opportunity: No <3 Hope this helps

"Ramuda:  As I thought, he's here. It's convenient that his routines are easy to read. He's probably going to the horse races or boat races next, anyways." Love that Dice functions like a Harvest Moon NPC. Visit him at the horse races from 12-3 on Sundays and gift him 1 Money a day until you have enough heart points to use the Blue Feather. Be sure to equip it in your tool slot and save before proposing!

"I wouldn't think Dice would know someone who's so upper-class like this, but…" Read for filth lmfao

"Gentaro:  That is my line. Why are you following Dice? Ramuda:  That's... Wait, were you actually following me?" Looney Toons-ass procession of stalkers here. In before Dice is following Gentarou

"Dice:  What are you guys doing in this kinda place?" Oh my god. Called it (?)

"Dice:  [Motorcycle starting up noises]" HAHAHA. This translator is on a roll.

I love the ~elegant~ music that starts playing the moment they walk into the mansion.

"Dice:  My buds are coming in too, that alright?" Hey these are my loser stoner friends coming in to eat chips and drop Cheeto crumbs all over the shag carpet. Yeah and we're gonna use the pool to film TikToks. Yeah we're trying to go viral, mom. Yeah it's gonna make so much money. It's gonna be our job. You just don't get it

Ramuda and Gentarou internally: Ah HA... Now THIS is where to send our Dice Bills to.

"Otome:  Amemura Ramuda… Yumeno Gentaro…" Oh hey Ichijiku, we found her!

"Dice:  I’m sorry for hiding it all this time. I didn’t know how you guys would react…" Put a pin in that, because Gentarou's got other shit to do first

"Ramuda:  Dice… I’m a little confused. Sorry. I don’t wanna talk right now." This is kind of rich of Ramuda when his friends accepted right off the bat that he was spying on them (an action--something Ramuda (kinda) has control over) whereas Dice is being raked over the coals for his DNA donors (something he has literally zero say in)

Like I get that in the Ramuda sitch, they're preoccupied by a bigger issue (Ramuda's in danger); it's kind of a crisis intervention situation where the consequences of his actions are relocated to the back burner. The stakes are also different on Gentarou's end, as Ramuda is more of a threat to Gen vs Otome's threat/harm to Gen bro (weighed higher in Gentarou's value calculus). But at the same time, Ramuda is still one degree of separation from Chuuouku in the way Dice is, and again, Dice has basically zero say in the matter. It's also not like Dice is asking them to forgive Otome or anything at this stage. So I find it a little odd that they refuse to give him equivalent grace here.

"Brother:  Disturbing one’s sleep is an act worth being described as even lower than inhumane. Does your brain lack the concept of compassion, I wonder?" Oh he's MAD mad about the clothes.

"Gentaro:  [Laughs] To think the day would come when I can hear that again…" Okay that hit

"Gentaro:  People are all different, huh… That’s quite the ironic subject for me*, who tried to impersonate someone else." lol. lmao, even

"Gentaro:  Yeah. I’m planning to talk with them properly." THANK YOU

"Hospital Gentaro:  Gentaro? [owie] That was…" Does homie deadass not remember his name?

Gentarou stole it along with the clothes 😭

"Girl:  Ah, there it is! The Moai statue!" *fuckface voice* Actually, it's the moyai statue. The island of Niijima presented it in 1980 to commemorate a century under Tokyo administration. The name sounds like the Easter Island Moai statues it resembles-- but, as it happens, in the Niijima dialect, "moyai" also means "working together." Just like you and me, Nek--

"Dice:  Y’know, doesn’t the face of this Moai statue kinda resemble Gentaro?" LMFAO

"Ramuda:  Tch. There’s too many memories with them around here." Homie you must have bad memories of half of Tokyo the way you keep breaking up with friends

"Ramuda:  True friends, huh. If I shut up and hand over the information about them, we won’t be able to go back to how we were." Okay, but...no? Dice never said anything about "Don't tell anyone in the government where my Mom is." He didn't say anything (scrolling back up to check) other than "I come from money, and here's why." Like dude. You are creating angst from nothing. You are erecting imaginary goalposts and moving them however you please. Stop spiraling and go talk to Dice, for fuck's sake.

"Dice:  Alright, let’s put  our lives on the line to save Ramuda Gentaro:  It’d make no sense if we died first, so let’s try not to die Ramuda:  That made me so happy…" Yeah, see? That's what I was saying! Give a little grace back

"Ichijiku:  You’re finally back. You’re taking up my precious time." GIRL, YOU WERE THE ONE ASKING A FAVOR... CALM YOUR RUDE ASS...

"Ramuda:  I'm grateful. Whatever reason you had, I wouldn’t have met Gentaro and Dice without you." lol this is some "I'm grateful my abusive parents gave me life so I could meet the loml uwu" hoohey

"Ichijiku:  We need her for that immediately!" Homie no you don't. All my love to Otome but she makes stupid-ass decisions to drive the plot. Just try to like. Govern. And not do asinine shit like lock teenagers in an arena for a verbal version of blood sports. Girl why don't you start by trying to lower the price of eggs. Focus on that

Ramuda: Maybe you should not make people do things by force. Just a thought ah ha. Ichijiku: [shocked pikachu face]

"Ichijiku:  W-wait. You don’t need the formula? Ramuda:  I have the best comrades. That’s why no matter what happens, I’ll overcome it with them!" Dawg.......................

"Yeah I don't need the vaccine because I have the power of love xx"

That's what you sound like

"Ichijiku:  I have no intention of apologizing. That’s because I carried my beliefs with me as I walked down this path." YOUR BELIEFS INVOLVE ENSLAVING PEOPLE? GIRL...

Henry Kissinger if he a was a girlboss anime woman with tits the size of Zimbabwe

"Ramuda:  !! This is…! The candy’s formula… So she really had it." Aw, so she has a heart after all. I take back the Kissinger comment and replace him with a slightly less repulsive politician

Joking aside, it is nice to see her character growth here. It's the first time she's recognized Ramuda as a person and, more significantly for her, an acknowledgement that her ideals are not absolute and can result in people being ground under her wheels.

"Dice:  Not really. I thought I’d have to tell them eventually. Even if you try to cut ties, you can’t cut the blood bond called family. That’s why the things you did aren’t not connected to me." This is diametrically opposite my personal belief system, but w/e. This attitude comes up a lot in JP media, which just makes me appreciate the differences in rhetoric surrounding families pushed in AmEng vs Jpn culture. Off the top of my head, I can really only think of seeing the reverse in the fucking Pokemon manga of all places... I guess the line is drawn at leading organized crime, not *checks notes* state-run organized crime. Haha

"But, I have no regrets about what I’ve done until now." You could have left that unsaid <3

"That’s fine, isn’t it?" Is it??

"I enslaved one of your friends and don't regret it." "Yeah that's chill lol"

"You do what you gotta do" energy

"Dice:  I’ll definitely face you one day. When that time comes, I won’t be holding back." Damn more Pokemon manga parallels

"Gentaro:  My, my. To think we’d meet at the same time, and in the middle of the Scramble Crossing at that, even a third-rate novelist wouldn’t write this scene. This is where one might say, “are we naught but the epitome of expediency?”" boy get out of the street before you start monologuing 😭

"Dice:  Hey! We’ll get in the way if we keep chatting here." YEAH NO SHIT

"Man:  Seriously?" omg an oniisan

WHY ARE YOU RAPPING??!

"that's the point of the series" Yeah I know but bruh. Aren't these weapons? Are you so afraid of facing your feelings you gotta bust out your sci-fi equivalent of a glock and start shooting? Open up to the homies or open up the homies? Jesus christ dude lol

Imagine you're just chilling in public and suddenly a group of idols starts beatboxing and freestyling what is clearly a post-breakup reconciliation song--but like also they're trying to kill each other. What the fuck do you do. Do you film it and put it on /r/freakouts?

The dude in the BG going "What just happened?" is me in spirit

"I followed Chuuoku’s orders and created a team with you. But, that doesn’t matter anymore!" That's cute

"I’m the only son of Tohoten Otome! But, it doesn’t matter whose son I am!" Yeah. YEAH

"My* true name is Yumeno- Ramuda & Dice:  That doesn’t matter!" Oh you tease. This is more shameful fan bait than the time they showed Gentarou's shoulders.

"It doesn't matter to me!" "It doesn't matter to me!" Isn't there someone you forgot to ask? The myth of consensual lorebaiting

"Gentaro:  [Laughs] I* am… No, I (Shousei) am Yumeno Gentaro, a unique novelist with a versatile way of transforming words!" Literally how is he going to explain this to Gentabro

"Gentaro:  Well then, what should we do?" The way Saito Souma delivers this line makes Gentarou sound one second away from jumping Dice's bones

oh my god Tumblr just glitched and almost deleted the post. I actually screamed.

"Ramuda:  [Ramuda grabbing sound ♡]" HAHAHA YES. YES! YES!!! [sickos voice]

Lovely call back to earlier scenes and a good metaphor for Fling Posse taking their destinies in hand

"They do say that gods are just insubstantial words. So you should just use them to your own advantage." Something something the characters being the master of words and thus the master of their own spirits. Something something achieving transcendence through self-expression and emotional honesty. Someone had better have written a fanfic where Dice calls Gentarou over to rap and bring him luck because the gods haven't been kind to Dice.

Overall: That was cute! It retread ground in terms of emotional beats as Hypmic character arcs tend to do, but that's fine, because it was a fun experience and we got lots of fan service in the form of Saito Souma acting his damn ass off.

[anxresi]

They're absolutely right...

...It's the writers that deserve the lion's share of the backlash, for poor, innocent, boring-as-hell Zoe is merely a tool of the oppressor, aka Mr Astruc. What's being oppressed, you may well ask? Well, interesting storylines, proper continuity, two-dimensional personalities... I could go on. Everything that makes a show compulsive and rewarding viewing that Miraculous Ladybug conspicuously and utterly lacks in every department due to his increasingly destructive machinations, basically.

This pink-streaked plot device masquerading as a serious character can (along with another equally pointless individual called 'Soquerline' who was so unmemorable I almost forgot she was ever a thing) exists for one reason and one reason only: to diminish Chloe's relevance and role in the show to the sum of precisely nothing. Well after S5, job done I guess guys. Well done. Well done indeed. (Although apparently not... they're bringing Miss Bourgeois back for more torture in the London 'special'. Guess Tommy Boy just can't keep away from his favorite punching bag, can he?)

The irony is though, having such a super-sweet but dull-as-ditchwater Mary Sue to replace a well-established and multi-layered person such as Chloe actually sends out a seriously awful message. Why? Because if I was a bad kid and saw S1-3 Chloe, I'd think 'what a fascinating redemption arc, I can inspired by that and do better.' But after seeing S4-5 Chloe and what an arguable downgrade as a replacement the incredibly tedious Zoe is, I'd be more like 'well, obviously there's no point in trying to be good, because you'll probably turn into a psychopath overnight with no explanation in the middle of your genuine efforts to improve. And if what the show is presenting to me as the ideal for a teenage girl to be is the waste-of-blank-space that Zoe clearly is... then a life of deliquency sounds more tempting with every passing minute! Now, where did I put my spray can?'

The most shameless aspect to this whole argument though, is by those trying to paint the hapless Zoe as some kind of lesbian icon. Pardon? She got a plot-mandated crush on Marinette in one episode and somehow that makes her insipid and needless presence an asset for the gay community? Somehow a few people have got it into their heads if you 'dare' to make someone non-straight in cartoons these days you deserve a big pat on the back for that 'risk' alone. WRONG. They should also be fleshed-out, complex, necessary characters whose sexuality isn't just define them or deflect from deserved criticism as to what the hell they are doing there if they turn up in the middle of proceedings with no prior explanation. See: The Owl House for how it's done.

And that's all Zoe being gay is... an irrelevant trait Mr Astruc can point to cynically and say ' you're a bigot for disliking her whatever your reasons are, so I'm not listening to you' instead of engaging with the actual argument which is SHE IS NOT AND WAS NEVER NEEDED IN THE SHOW. Everything you required to make Chloe the brilliant character she could've been was RIGHT THERE in the script but you CHOSE to rub it all out and scrawl some hastily scribbled doodle with no personality other than being 'very nice' in her place. A tragedy. The worst case of self-vandalism I've ever seen. No wonder Jeremy Zag wants to start from scratch with his rebooted movies. More power to him, IMHO.

Needless to say, nearly all the above in the quoted post about her father loving her (we haven't met him yet, it's DEFINITELY not Andre Bourgeois, his name ends in 'Lee' for a start) her supposed growth (the only 'growth' she's had is when she turned into that giant golden Chloe after being akumatized) her alleged pansexuality (all in the desperate mind of the OP) her 'abusive' family (I think you'll find Chloe had it FAR WORSE over the course of the show in that regard, so why not idolise her?) is complete bunkum. and to be frank I couldn't compose a much delusional post if I tried. Sometimes I wonder: what planet are some people on to reach such implausible conclusions? I don't understand it, I'll never understand it and quite frankly I feel quite sorry for the arbiters of such risibly deluded takes.

Last but not least though, we have...

Now this I ALSO agree with 1000%. And I know just the place to 'flush' her... ;)

[astro-stars]

CHAPTER é̴̖́͘r̸̲͚̱͍͑́͝r̶̢̦̳̽̊͜ŏ̶̞̤̊́͘r̸͙̰͖̓̊͠:  0^++6|<3 

Crowley’s golden gaze bore into Yuu, but for the first time since she had arrived, she felt... nothing. Not the oppressive weight of anxiety, not the crushing fear of being out of place—just a peculiar emptiness. Her mind went quiet, her body still, and when she opened her mouth to speak, the words tumbled out before she could stop them. 

“I’m glad you noticed how clueless I am. So proud of you.” 

The silence that followed was deafening. 

Grim’s jaw dropped. “What the—are you crazy?!” he hissed, his blue-flamed ears flicking in alarm. 

Leona let out a short, sharp laugh, his tail twitching with amusement. “Heh. She’s got guts, I’ll give her that.” 

Vil’s perfectly sculpted brow arched in disbelief, his lips parting slightly as if he couldn’t decide whether to be impressed or scandalized. “Did she really just—?” 

Riddle’s face darkened, his sharp features pinching into an expression of pure indignation. “The nerve—!” 

Azul pressed a gloved hand to his mouth, his shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. “Oh, this is going to be interesting,” he murmured, his voice tinged with delight. 

Crowley’s reaction, however, was the most dramatic. He sputtered, his hand flying to his chest as if she’d struck him. “I beg your pardon?” he exclaimed, his voice rising an octave. 

Yuu blinked, her mind catching up with her impulsive words a second too late. Her cheeks flushed a furious red, but the emptiness inside her was now replaced by a strange, stubborn defiance. She crossed her arms, refusing to look away despite the heat crawling up her neck. 

“I mean...” she stammered, trying to salvage what little dignity she had left. “You’re not wrong. I am clueless. But yelling at me isn’t exactly helping, is it?” 

The dorm leaders exchanged glances, their expressions a mix of curiosity, amusement, and disbelief. 

Crowley opened his mouth to respond but stopped, his golden eyes narrowing as if weighing her words 

Yuu’s voice cracked, her words tumbling out in a rush as if she’d been holding them in for far too long. “I mean, I get how confused you are too, but you need to actually think about my perspective instead of just your own!” she exclaimed, her tone rising in pitch. 

The room grew unnervingly still, the remaining students and dorm leaders freezing in place as her words echoed in the grand hall. 

“I’m just a random who got, quite literally, kidnapped and woke up in a coffin!” she continued, her hands trembling as she gestured wildly. “And then you, someone I don’t know, have been borderline scolding me for things I have no control over! And to top it off, you dragged me into a room full of just guys—y’know, a female’s biggest predator?!” 

Her breath hitched, tears stinging at the corners of her eyes as the enormity of her situation finally crashed down on her. “I don’t know what’s going on, and—I just—I don’t know, okay?” 

Her voice broke on the last word, and for a moment, the only sound in the room was her ragged breathing. 

Grim froze mid-step, his fiery bravado extinguished by the rawness in her voice. The dorm leaders exchanged uneasy glances, their confident facades faltering. Even Leona, who seemed perpetually unimpressed by everything, looked mildly taken aback. 

Crowley’s golden eyes widened, his mouth opening slightly as if to respond, but no words came out. His usual flamboyant demeanor seemed to shrink under the weight of her outburst. 

Riddle’s arms, which had been firmly crossed, dropped to his sides. “I...” he started but trailed off, his stern expression softening into something almost resembling guilt.  

Yuu clenched her fists at her sides, forcing her trembling voice to stay steady. She wouldn’t cry—not here, not now, in front of this room full of strangers who seemed to think her existence was some kind of cosmic mistake. 

“I’m just as lost as you are,” she said, her voice firmer now but still laced with frustration. “And I just want to go home and dismiss this whole thing as like—I don’t know—a hallucination, I guess?” 

The words hung in the air, raw and cutting, slicing through the remaining whispers in the room. 

Grim looked up at her, his fiery ears drooping slightly.  

Leona, lounging against the wall with his usual air of disinterest, raised a brow. “Hmph. Sounds like a lot of trouble for someone who’s not supposed to be here in the first place,” he muttered, though his voice lacked its usual edge. 

Vil shot him a withering look. “Leona, if you don’t have anything constructive to add, perhaps silence would suit you better.” 

Yuu exhaled shakily, her voice soft but resolute. “Where I’m from, magic isn’t real,” she said, the weight of those words settling over the room like a leaden blanket. 

That statement, simple as it was, drew a stunned silence from the crowd. Even the dorm leaders, who had maintained their aloofness, shifted uncomfortably, their expressions ranging from confusion to disbelief. 

Crowley blinked, his golden eyes wide. “Not real?” he repeated, as if the concept itself was an affront to his very being. 

“Yes,” she replied firmly, meeting his gaze. “No fire that comes from nowhere, no talking mirrors, no strange schools with coffins instead of dorms.” Her voice wavered for a moment, but she pushed on. “Back home, this would all be... stories. Fantasy. None of this is supposed to exist.” 

Azul’s eyes gleamed with intrigue, his fingers tenting under his chin. “Fascinating,” he murmured. “A world devoid of magic... How does such a place function?” 

Yuu shrugged helplessly, a bitter smile tugging at her lips. “Technology, I guess. Electricity. Science. We figure things out without waving a wand or summoning fire out of thin air.” 

Vil’s perfectly arched brows knitted together. “A life without magic sounds dreadfully dull,” he said, though his tone carried an undertone of genuine curiosity. 

Leona snorted. “Sounds like a lot of work for nothing. You’re telling me you’ve never seen magic before today?” 

“Not once,” Yuu admitted, crossing her arms defensively. “And honestly, I’m still not sure I believe it. For all I know, I’m still back home in a hospital bed, dreaming this whole thing up.” 

Crowley looked like he might combust. “Dreaming?! I’ll have you know that Night Raven College is one of the most prestigious institutions in all the lands! Hardly something your imagination could conjure up!” 

Yuu raised a brow. “I woke up in a coffin and got dragged into a room of strangers who think I don’t belong here. You’ll forgive me if I’m not exactly impressed right now.” 

Grim puffed up his chest, hopping in front of her. “Don’t worry, hench-human! I’ll make sure you see just how amazing I am—er, I mean, how amazing this place is!” 

She glanced down at him, her lips quirking into a faint smile despite everything. “Sure, Grim. Let’s start with figuring out how I survive here without accidentally offending another magical collar machine.” 

Riddle bristled. “For the record, my spell is perfectly justified!” 

“Oh no, it totally was, you should collar me sometime—” she blurted, Yuu barely paused after her accidental quip, plowing ahead as though it had never happened. “So, with all your magic—abracadabra, hocus-pocus, and whatever else you call it—is this normal?” She gestured vaguely to the scorched curtains, the lingering smell of smoke, and the murmuring students. 

The room remained frozen for a beat, her earlier words still hanging awkwardly in the air for everyone else, but her determined shift in tone left no room for follow-up. 

Leona raised an eyebrow, his tail swishing lazily. “Depends. Are you asking if the chaos is normal or if you saying something that dumb is?” 

Yuu shot him a glare. “I’m asking about the chaos. Thanks for the unnecessary commentary, rando” 

Leona smirked but didn’t push further. 

Azul adjusted his glasses, his tone measured. “If you’re asking whether it’s common for new students to set the room ablaze with uncontrollable magic, the answer is no.” 

“Though it does liven things up a bit,” Vil added with a faint smile, his tone dripping with sarcasm. 

Riddle, meanwhile, still looked incensed, the redness in his cheeks fading into his usual stern demeanor. “This is not how a ceremony is supposed to proceed. That raccoon—” 

“I’M NOT A RACCOON!” Grim interjected with a fiery huff, his tail puffing out indignantly. 

Riddle didn’t even glance at him. “—has caused nothing but disorder from the moment he arrived.” 

Yuu sighed, rubbing her temples. “Trust me, I’m aware. Welcome to my life.” 

“You’ve only been here a few hours,” Crowley cut in with dramatic flair, his golden eyes narrowing. “And already, your presence is proving uniquely... disruptive.” 

Yuu threw up her hands. “Look, it’s not like I asked to be here! If I could click my heels together and go home, I’d do it faster than you can say ‘detention!’” 

Crowley opened his mouth to respond, but Leona’s low chuckle interrupted. 

“Don’t bother,” Leona drawled. “If this herbivore doesn’t belong here, just toss her back where she came from.” 

Yuu shot him a withering look. “Oh, gee, thanks for the suggestion, Simba. I’m sure that’ll work perfectly without any explanation or plan.” 

Kalim perked up, looking genuinely curious. “Wait, where did you come from? Is it really a place without magic? How do you even live?” 

Yuu shrugged, her tone deliberately nonchalant as she leaned back slightly. “I don’t know how to explain it, so I guess you’ll just never know.” 

Her words hung in the air, a deliberate act of deflection that left the group momentarily speechless. 

Leona’s tail flicked, his emerald eyes narrowing as he smirked. “Tch. Convenient.” 

Yuu shot him a glance. “Yeah, isn’t it? Saves me the headache of trying to explain something you wouldn’t get anyway.” 

Azul adjusted his glasses, his expression thoughtful. “Interesting tactic—refusing to share information outright. Almost clever, if not for the blatant avoidance.” 

“I call it prioritizing my sanity,” she replied, keeping her voice light. 

Riddle frowned, clearly unimpressed. “Avoiding the question doesn’t change the fact that you’ve disrupted an important ceremony and are fundamentally unfit to be here.” 

Yuu sighed dramatically, throwing her hands up. “Wow, thanks for the reminder, Mom.” 

Riddle’s cheeks flushed a deeper red, but before he could retort, Crowley clapped his hands, his theatrical tone cutting through the tension. “Enough! We’ll get to the bottom of this later. For now, the more pressing matter is finding a solution to this... unprecedented situation.” 

“Unprecedented doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Vil murmured, eyeing Yuu like she was an unsightly stain on his meticulously tailored coat. 

Yuu crossed her arms, her patience thinning. “Look, I didn’t ask to be here. You all act like this is my fault, but I’m just as clueless about all of this as you are. Probably more.” 

“And yet you keep talking like you’ve got it all figured out,” Leona muttered, leaning back lazily against one of the columns. 

She shot him a glare. “It’s called sarcasm. You should try it sometime—it might make you slightly more tolerable.” 

Kalim laughed, his sunny demeanor cutting through the tension. “She’s kinda funny, though! I like her!” 

Yuu glanced at Kalim, her expression softening slightly. “You’re like the only one here I didn’t dislike at one point,” she admitted, the honesty slipping out before she could stop it. 

Kalim beamed, his eyes sparkling with genuine delight. “Really? That’s great! I knew we’d be friends!” 

Yuu blinked at his enthusiasm, momentarily thrown off. “Uh, yeah... sure. Friends.” 

Leona scoffed, crossing his arms as he leaned back lazily. “Figures you’d get along with sunshine over there.” 

“Better than with a walking ego trip,” she shot back without missing a beat. 

“Careful, herbivore,” Leona growled, though there was a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 

Kalim, oblivious to the tension, clapped his hands together. “Hey, if we’re all getting along now, maybe we should celebrate! I can throw a party!” 

“Absolutely not,” Vil cut in sharply, his tone filled with disdain. “This is hardly a moment for celebration.” 

Azul adjusted his glasses, his voice calm and measured. “Agreed. There are far too many unanswered questions, starting with Miss Yuu’s very presence here.” 

(not canon)

[kiko---random-stuff-probably]

Loathing

Behold my favourite gay fishes "meet cute" except it was both at the wrong time and those two fucking hate each other. Astaroth's pov, happens shortly after Kallamar's accepts Asturas's proposal.

It was a dark night, a pretty calm one too considering that Astaroth's assignments that day were close to none.

However, he had the tedious job to escort the snobbish, prideful, golddigger and generally annoying creature that betrayed his ownblood (well, him and Shamura were not blood related, but the poibt still stands) just to suck after his god.

And for whatever unholy reason, said harlot (because that's what that bitch was) decided to spend some time on the balcony, even though the weather was horrible for any type of stargazing or whatever his excuse was: the air was cold, and that idiot wascovered by a fancy nightrobe that surely wasn't going to shield him from the cold.

Astaroth was still inside, even though the door was open, and both were just pretending the other was not there.

He was sipping a glass of wine, his left hand resting over his shoulder, and glanced to the ring decorating his right hand.

Kallamar let out a mix between a bitter giggle and a groan of pain, while clenching his fists.

Astaroth raised an eyebrow, trying to understand what was actually going on in the squid's mind.

He glanced at the clock in the room, before deciding to step on the balcony.

- Please excuse me, but our Lord was clear about how he wants you to rest. I have the duty to accompany you to your room.-

- I still need some time.- Kallamar repleid while staring once again at the horizon.

The jellyfish tried to see what he was staring at, but it was way too dark to see actually anythingsince the stars and moon were covered by a thick mantle of clouds.

However, Astaroth did know some geography.

- Are you trying to spot Silk Cradles?-

Kallamar flinched a little, and the guard did notice this.

Astaroth wasn't too sure about how to proceed, since while he had close to zero sympathy for that guy, he was also not too happy at the idea of spending even another minute waiting for a stupid idiot to stop moping.

- Homesick, maybe?- he couldn't help a bit of venom to slip into his words, and even when the squid was tightening his grip on the glass he kept talking - If I may give my opinion...-

- I do not care for the opinion of another empty headed good for nothing piece of shit-

- Pardon?-

Kallamar was now sideeying at the guard, his light blue eyes even more cold than the air around them.

He chuckled, casually the glass on the edge of the parapet before fully turning torwards the other, a smug, snobbish and slightly off putting smile over his lips.

- You heard me. Just another envious and insecure idiot who can't accept that while others are actually able to become something in their life, they are just stuck on the same social rank as some mindless monster.- he looked pleased as the guard started to show signs of irritation - a small one, to be precise- he specified, highliting the concept with an hand gesture - You know your meaningless lives will never improve so you try to tear down whoever actually does enjoy existing.-

It wasn't the first time he started to attack verbally other members of the court, expecially since basically everyone already was already sure he was an asshole.

It was, however, the first time a guard was stupid enough to actually respond.

- That's rich coming from a self centered asshole like you! There is a reason why no one likes you, and trust me, it's not because your are our god's new favourite fucktoy! It's because you are nothing more than a greedy harlot!-

Kallamar was for a second taken aback by the comeback.

Then, he chuckled and assumed a sarcastically surprised expression.

- How dare you say that! I... pfft- the squid broke out in a loud laugh - Sorry, couldn't keep a straight face at that... fucktoy? Really?- another giggle - We both know that if I was just that, I would not be hated this much. But while I know my worth, you don't seem as self concious as me.-

- You...-

- Let me explain this in a way that your small underdeveloped homunculus brain can understand. Your worth is determined by the amount of crops your dead body will be able to fertilize. So, shut the fuck up and rot like you're meant to do, okay?-

Astaroth clenched his fists, about to punch that asshole in the face.

- I wouldn't do that.- Kallamar said, his expression hardening - But feel free to try to attack someone who was raised by War themselves and get out without a broken limb.-

They both stared at each other in silence, one with pure rage and one with amusement.

Once satisfied, Kallamar took a step torwards the door.

- That was a lovely chat. Now, how about you escort me to my room? We surely do not want our Lord to get upset if I stay awake too long?-

Astaroth swallowed his bile, and complied.

[reaperlight]

Jealousy Saga, the eventual conclusion

[Post Venom 3 murder fam AU, when all hope seems lost and Eddie is convinced Venom doesn't want to see him again there's an unexpected face at the door.]

Flash: Hey. Yeah, I understand I'm probably the last person you want to see right now. But I learned what they did to you and my partner. That wasn't cool...

Eddie: Partner...

Flash: Uh, I think there's been a misunderstanding. When I said partner I mean Venom is my co-worker. As I was saying. It wasn't cool that they ripped him away from his spouse. I am truly sorry...

Venom: Eddie!

Venom: [*reaching out tentacles*]

Flash: Oh, uh. Of course.

[*Flash unfolds a wheelchair they didn't see previously because it was leaning against the wall and sits down.*]

[*Eddie is happy to have Venom back but now feels guilty because he realizes Venom was clearly what was allowing him to walk unassisted.*]

Flash: Yeah... Venom let's me get back in the field for a while. But that's besides the point. It was wrong of them to kidnap and exploit him as they did. Let's just say we unionized. Venom and me, and our friends over there on the project. We got the the top brass to agree that while Venom has a job with us and his cooperation is vital, he should have the same rights as any human employee to go home to his spouse after work. Also we managed to negotiate him a salary of his own. It's the same salary that any of us human soldiers make on the project which I don't exactly think is fair because he's doing so much more but considering he was getting nothing before...

Eddie: Woah!

Flash: It goes to an account that either you or I can access, it's opened in both our names for him since he is unable to interact with the bank directly. Also... we negotiated pardons for all of you... on the condition you'll join our team.

Eddie: No offense but...

Cletus: We're not really big fans of the military industrial complex.

[*because Eddie is too polite and Cletus has no qualms about saying it because his abusive dad was a military man*]

Frances: You understand we're not exactly eager to work for the guys who locked me up?

Flash: I'm sorry that happened to you. That wasn't us. We looked into your case...

Cletus [tersly]: ...What exactly took my wife then?

Flash: Ravencroft was a private prison company.

Frances: Was?

Flash: From what I understand they disappeared after your jailbreak exposed them and their doings but the most likely scenario is they just changed names and are operating somewhere else. [with genuine sympathy] I'm sorry.

Eddie: Okay, assuming all that is true... we still don't exactly know what you're doing.

Cletus: Yeah, what if they ask us to do something against our conscience?

Flash [snorts]: You're trying to say you're pacifists? [Looks at Cletus] You?

Cletus: Well... I have been trying to stay out of trouble, avoid doing this sorta thing. It leads to... bad habits. This is like asking an alcoholic to work at a bar. You understand?

Flash: ...yes. I do understand. Did you want me to sponsor you?

Cletus: Sponsor?

Flash: I attend A.A. regularly. I know that's not exactly the same but...

Cletus: [*considering it, glancing at Eddie who recently had a problem with actual drinking*]

Flash: If it helps our unit doesn't fight anyone on Earth. I'm not supposed to say this... but since everyone here already knows aliens exist I think I can tell you what we do. Project Space Knight is dedicated solely to protecting the Earth from extraterrestrial threats. So what do you say? Are you folks interested? We'd really value your skills and expertise in this.

[Later, Eddie and Venom in a private moment]

Eddie: Flash he's... He's a good guy.

Venom: Yes, he's my friend.

Eddie: Now I feel like an asshole for hating him.

Venom: Well, you're my asshole. Who I'd save this dirtball for.

[cer-rata]

Fic WIP(maybe): "World's Okayest"

"So," Conrad started, eyes bright and excited, "I think the three of us are like, a thing."

Jon slowly turned away from the diner’s window to look at him, mostly in horror and confusion. Mostly. "...W-what? You...you're not suggesting...what?"

"Like, you know, Batman and Superman and Wonder Woman. The big three."

Jon let out a sigh of relief. "Oh. oh okay, I thought you were trying to say--"

Damian snorted. "Yeah, considering what Conrad writes in his spare time, maybe you shouldn't relax so quickly."

"DAMIAN!"

Jon blinked. "...Conrad--"

"Don't listen to him! He's evil and he lies and--"

"He's quite prolific." Damian laughed as Conrad missed him with a thrown French fry.

Jon shook his head. "I don't even want to know. Um. Conrad, where were you going with--"

"Oh! Right! Before SATAN took the wheel--I dunno, I just think we work together pretty well, maybe we should do it more consistently.”

“I’d like that.” Jon really did enjoy spending time with them, even when they were getting shot at.

Damian shrugged. “I mean, I don’t think we need to imitate those old bags and Diana, but sure.”

“But I don’t think it’s imitating, it’s pretty natural. Jon is ‘Angry Superman--’”

“Hey!”

“You’re ‘GNC Wonder Woman--’”

“Wh-wait--”

“And I’m ‘The Batman Who Fucks.’”

Damian stared at him. “...Are you insane?”

“Yes, that is exactly why I’m Batman.”

Jon snorted and covered his mouth.

“Conrad, there is no way--” Damian leaned in angrily, “How the hell am I not Batman?”

“Batman is scary. I’m scary. You’re not scary.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

“If both of us are dangling someone off of a roof, which one of us might actually drop them?”

Jon looked mildly alarmed. “...Neither of you? Right?”

Damian groaned. “...Okay, but that’s not a good--Batman doesn’t kill people!”

“I never said I’d allow them the release of death. But see, right now: You’re even-tempered, relatively normal, patient even though I am going out of my way to irritate you--that’s Diana, bro.”

“Are you saying I’m Diana because you think I’m boring?!”

“No, Diana’s not boring, you being boring has nothing to do with it.”

Damian sighed and leaned back in his seat. “Oh, Conrad. Conrad, Conrad, Conrad…”

Jon looked back and forth between them a couple of times. “Wait, are you guys actually arguing or--”

Conrad turned to make eye contact with him and smiled. “The trick is to get him ready to kill you. He won’t, so he has to resort to something else and--hey, no, D, your side of the booth is over there, across from me where I’m safe--”

Ah no, it was flirting then. Again.

Damian slid into the booth next to him, and Conrad scooted over into Jon, who didn’t budge at all and just watched with amusement and maybe something a little more…sour.

Conrad laughed and curled up against him. “Damian, I’m sorry!” 

Damian slid closer, appearing perfectly relaxed and normal when compared to Conrad’s giggly hysterics. “What’s wrong, beloved? I’m not doing anything.”

“Oh no! You only call me that when you’re worried or I’m in trouble!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Conrad squeaked and pressed his cheek into Jon’s shoulder. “Sammy, help!”

Conrad was the only person Jon would let call him by his middle name. He even liked it, actually. He tried not to ponder that, but failed, and his smile started to wilt. His guts felt tight. “Eh, I think…I think you’re fine…”

Conrad sat straight up so quickly that he and Damian knocked foreheads. “Fuck, my bad--”

“Ow! Why!?”

“Sorry, I just…” He turned to look at Jon. “What…what happened?”

Jon stared at him. “...What?”

“You just uh…you got a little…uh…” Conrad suddenly looked trapped and Jon couldn’t figure out what on Earth that was about.

Damian leaned over to look at him too and raised an eyebrow. “That’s...just a Midwestern thing, Conrad, they always look a little lost.”

“I’m not from the--” Jon made eye contact with Conrad again, and caught the violet flash of his irises. Then Conrad nodded gently and turned back to Damian.

“Ah, I guess you’re right. You can go back to mauling me if you want.”

Damian shook his head. “No, you killed my momentum, I’ve added it to my bank of cruelty and spite to be spent later at my leisure.” 

The lunch went on from there, their rambunctiousness settling some. Still, that look Conrad gave him, combined with the glow of his eyes unsettled Jon a bit. Did he get a vibe from him? What would he even have felt that would alert Conrad? Sure, he was a little queasy for a moment but…

“...Okay but the problem is, I wasn’t planning to make my next moniker a front-facing one.” Damian explained. “The ‘Trinity' thing is mostly for the public to have something to cling to, and well, frankly to make my father seem less…like a terrorist.”

“But I’ve seen the costume you’re thinking of, babe, if you’re trying to be hidden, why the red and white and the big yellow ‘I’ on your chest? And it glows?”

“Symbols are important--” 

“But it all suggests that you want people to be aware of you.”

Damian sighed. “It’s a complicated…thing.” He paused. “I don’t want to scare civilians, but I also don’t really want to be paraded around as some symbol of morality. I don’t think I can be that.”

Conrad shrugged. “I mean I’m on lunch boxes now, and I’m…maybe a little less…restrained than you are.”

“Which you’re working on.”

“It’d be easier if you’d start restraining me inst--”

“Jon is sitting right there!’

“Fuck, right, sorry buddy.”

Jon waved them off and took a long drink of his soda and desperately wished it was socially acceptable to anxiety crunch on glass in public. 

Conrad’s gaze lingered on him again before he continued. “...I’m working on it, yeah. But like…my point is that no one has a problem with me, why should you need to be sneaky?”

“Because…because I’m good at it, I was trained to be precise and quiet and--”

“You really should lean more in Dick’s direction.” Jon said. “He’s still intimidating and civilians love him.”

Damian looked away and Jon heard him swallow. “I…I’m not inspiring like that.”

Conrad growled and angrily called Damian a word only he could say, which caused Jon to gasp and Damian to flinch. “--please, if I weren’t so inspired by you, I’d have probably turned into hotter, more effective, cooler, funnier, more stylish, significantly scarier Red Hood.”

“Well…well…we can’t rely on the general public being bewitched by me.”

“Cause you’re too much of a little bitch for a crop top--ah! No! Stahahahahp! Damian!”

Jon closed his eyes and sighed while the ‘Lovebirds’ went at it again. He found himself wishing that Jack or even Lor was there, and then with horror realized that not going for Darla instead probably implied something. He could only be so avoidant, he wasn’t Damian. Ugh. It wasn’t even that he couldn’t see her that way, on occasion he did--but it wasn’t the same energy, which was probably good, because having some form of distracting emotional entanglement with everyone he worked with sounded like a horrible time. Still, watching Conrad giggle while Damian’s hands roamed around with a playfulness that Jon had apparently never earned from his best friend made him feel some sort of way. He acknowledged that was maybe…a little gay. 

Maybe he was a little gay. 

Jon groaned loudly enough that the couple stopped what they were doing and looked over at him.

“...Jonathan, is something actually wrong?”

“No!”

Conrad managed to steady his breathing. “C’mon dude, we’re your friends, I can’t have two emotionally constipated--”

“I think I like boys!”

Damian looked completely blindsided, and maybe a little afraid. Conrad looked kind of…guilty?

“Oh. Um.” Damian’s eyes flicked around rapidly like he was desperately searching his brain for something. “Uh…exclusively?”

Jon dropped his face into his hands, muffling his words into his palms. “I dunno! I don’t think so! I think Darla is really pretty, and Devyn, and Kathy--”

“Still?” Conrad didn’t manage to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

“Shut up!

Damian raised an eyebrow. “Who is Devyn?”

“Oh, she’s just a girl at my school. So like, I think girls are pretty, and I think if any of them asked me out, I’d probably say yes, but also--”

“You’re somewhat attracted to all of your friends, and the the intensity varies.” Conrad finished quietly, sounding ashamed like he was revealing that he’d eaten the last cookie after all.

Jon bit his cheek and looked away. “...Something like that.” 

Damian sat with that for a moment. “...So you’re actually ‘Disastrous Bi-Panic Superman.’”

That was dumb enough to snap Jon out of the beginnings of a spiral, and he laughed. “I hate you.”

Damian smiled. “So Kathy is the last one of us to only do things as God intended.” 

Jon pursed his lips. “Uhhh…no, I think she’s ace, actually.”

Conrad shook his head. “No, no, Kathy just doesn’t like humans.”

Jon blinked. “Wait, really?”

Conrad nodded. “Yeah, she said she’s ‘not a monster fucker.’”

Damian nodded sagely. “Wise.”

Jon squinted. “I don’t…Kathy looks just like us--well okay she’s really green, but otherwise--”

“I don’t think you mom’s a monsterfucker, if that’s what you’re getting at.” Conrad offered. Jon was impressed that it sounded like he genuinely thought that sentence would be comforting. 

“Okay! Okay violently moving on--”

“Oh. OH!” Damian sat up a little straighter. “That’s why you always wear skinny jeans, despite them being a number of years out of fashion! It’s an expression of your flammable nature.”

Jon blushed. “Wh--flammable--”

“Babe, skinny jeans are coming back.”

“You lie.”

“It’s kind of a ten year cycle for popular items.”

“But skinny jeans? Really?”

“You’d look great in skinny jeans.”

“I look great in everything. I could wear Vandal Savage like a coat and make it...what, make it fashion? That doesn’t mean he’s valid.”

They both startled at the loud crunch Jon made when he bit directly into his glass.

[redphlox]

Genuine question! How do you feel about Hawks currently in the story? I know he has a lot of fans, and a lot of people really enjoy him, but I am somebody who really struggles to enjoy Hawks with everything we have thus far.

I really did have high hopes for his character, I hope that he was going to have a real moment of self-reflection about Twice's death. Every time Hawks talks about twice, he just says the same thing, "Yeah, Jin was a good guy. (:"

He's got a very weird parasocial relationship with Endeavor, and the story didn't unpack that. After Endeavor's family past comes to light, he's not shown to have any struggle with the idea of Endeavor being a past abuser he just automatically goes straight giving him his support and we are not shown a moment of internal conflicting thoughts on Endeavor.

Horikoshi created a very interesting foil situation with him and Touya, but then he never unpacked that either. They never interacted again after Twice's death. Sucks, as I felt like the Dabi and Hawks dynamic has TON of potential (not talking from a shipping lens), but it still didn't go anywhere in the end.

The way the story frames Hawks is very strange, too. Not one person on the hero side questions him killing twice. It would have been interesting if we had gotten a scene where Tokoyami questioned Hawks and asked if it was the right thing to do.

Another weird scene was when Lady Nagant explodes, and Hawks catches her. She tells him he's got the look of a real hero or he had an optimistic look in his eyes (I don't remember 100% what she said now). That was their first time meeting each other, too.

Now, here we are currently with Hawks, becoming the president of public safety commission.

Idk, I wanted to really like him, but when I read his character in canon, I just think there is a lot that the story did not unpack with him.

Some of it feels like Horikoshi's writing choices. It really feels like he holds back really hard when it comes to the heroes.

Hey! Thanks for your thoughtful ask 😊

Basically, I agree with everything you said. You took the words right out of my mouth. I initially really liked Hawks - his design, his spunky personality, his quirk, and the mystery surrounding him. All the foiling with Dabi was superb. I didn't even mind when he killed Twice - not that I didn't feel sad about his death, because I did, but with the framing and everything I thought his death wouldn't be in vain and that the characters would all grow and learn from it, especially Hawks.

But nothing came of it. I'm of the opinion that Hawks was retconned heavily because Horikoshi realized how popular his character was and didn't want to angry fans by having him face consequences or be wrong about something. I feel like Lady Nagant is probably what Hawks' backstory and actual plot were supposed to be, and she's just a substitute. But this sudden change in the direction of his arc completely devastated the themes and thus the story.

Hawks feels really empty to me right now. He's the epitome of toxic positivity, blindly following, and no introspection or self reflection about his actions or what it means to be a hero or even about what it means being a victim. He's just kind of there.

I know we have two chapters to go, so maybe we'll have more - I have hopes that with his power as president of the commission he will pardon or rehabilitate the villains in some way and actually follow through with what he had offered Twice.

We'll see. For now, I'm like... rolling my eyes and imagining better writing for him.

[veryace-ficrecs]

looking for voltron (legendary defenders) found family or klance, i love some good banter. i’m also always up for some good angst but no pressure there

I can sure do that for you!

Voltron Fic Recs

This Is The Part Of Me (That You're Never Gonna Ever Take Away) by negativefouriq - Rated T

Lance finishes reading the file, then turns to face Shiro. Shiro braces himself for an onslaught of questions, and readies himself to message Coran — “Is this your way of quietly kicking me off Voltron?” — and freezes. Huh? “Pardon?” Lance swallows roughly, eyes trained on his fidgety hands. “Um, I asked if this is your way of kicking me off the team,” Lance repeats. Shiro has never felt more like his brain was completely empty, because he has no fucking clue what to say. --- OR: Shiro and Lance have a misunderstanding. But Shiro wants nothing except for his kids to be happy, so he clears things up as quickly as possible.

Singularity by this_book_has_been_loved - Rated T

AU where instead of landing in the trash nebula, Pidge finds herself on the same planet as a certain Galra prison camp

The Lost Paladin by dinosuns - Rated T

If he doesn’t leave, all of him will be reduced to cinders. But if he leaves, all of him will be undone. A course that he will choose to chart, no matter how it breaks his heart. It’s a battle that cannot be won. - Their names burn inside him, seared onto his soul. Black coal sits in the centre of his chest, fuelling a fire that was soon to be smothered by the very people that set it ablaze.

Bad Diagnosis by ElfGrove - Rated T

Pidge has been having bad headaches for nearly a week straight, so she decides to see if the infirmary has some sort of Altean Advil. The actual news is not so great.

Tag in, tag out by Rangergirl3 - Rated T

When a teammate is in danger, Keith doesn't stand by when there is something he can do to help - even if it might cost him his life.

Family Can Be 2 Aliens and 5 Ex-Paladins by Lilacs_and_the_sea - Rated G

The war is over, and everyone's back home with their family. Everyone except Keith.

i'm family? by seph_bites - Rated T

“You were right when you said I shouldn’t be leader. All of you were right and Shiro was wrong. I can’t be what you guys need,” he said quietly. “No,” Hunk said defiantly. “You’re the one who’s wrong. Because you’ve been there for us. You didn’t want to be the leader of Voltron but you did it anyway. For us.” “And I almost got all of you killed in the process! Look, once Shiro can pilot Black again, what would I stay for?” “Us! You’re supposed to say us, you asshole!”

A Family By Any Other Name by Calacious - Rated T

Lance and Keith discover a lone survivor on a planet whose inhabitants have been wiped out by a virus brought to them by a visitor from another universe.

the perfect pair by polypinneaple - Rated T

“Don’t– you know it’s not different Shiro, Pidge and I work just as much if not more and what, they can just skip practice today because they’re homesick, or what, tired? This is a war!” “If they can’t pull their weight then maybe they shouldn’t be here. No! I don’t want to hear it, I’m going to go train.” ••• Hunk wasn’t an angry guy, he wasn’t short tempered or easily poked. But something about the way Keith spoke about Lance made him furious, he didn’t care what these people thought about him, but his Lance? Hunk would go to war and die fighting if it meant Lance was happy. AKA Lance and Hunk deal with feeling like outsiders to Team Voltron during their first few weeks in, it doesn't go well.

It's Okay by TerrificTea - Not Rated

It was supposed to be a simple intel mission. In and out. Simple right? But this is Voltron, and now Lance and Pidge are trapped after an explosion, leaving Pidge concussed, confused and with a rapidly growing concern for her teammate.

Voltron Means Family, And Family Means No One Gets Left Behind by Spazzcat - Rated G

Five times the merchant vessel Castle of Lions gained a new crew member, and one time they all refused to leave.

Family, Then and Now by NightPurity - Rated G

Hunk likes to bake, but sometimes, his thoughts get a tight hook into him and start to pull him down. Coran, he happens to stumble upon a hurting Hunk. Sometimes, it hurts thinking about those you've lost, but also, it helps to talk about it. Of course, hope can help keep you afloat.

[parkerdoesparkour]

-Book One Track Eight: Strawberry Blond-

The night finally caught up with Titania and her body ached as she and Grim left the main building of the campus. They walked in silence back towards Ramshackle, although Grim seemed to be in a great mood. Suddenly, he stopped and looked towards a standalone brick building with a flashy sign hanging above the door. 

“‘Mr. S’ Mystery Shop’?” Titania read. 

“That’s the school store Crowley told us about,” Grim said. The day had been so eventful, she completely forgot she planned on grabbing supplies. “It’s still open.”

“Let’s head in,” she agreed and together they made their way into the shop. The store was empty this late at night, except for who Titania assumed to be the proprietor standing behind the counter. He smiled at them and waved excitedly. 

“Welcome, welcome little imps!” he said. “We have everything you need in stock!”

Grim dashed off to examine the food shelves with sparkling eyes. Titania approached the counter. “You’re Mr. S, then?”

“Call me Sam,” the proprietor said. “And you must be the little imp staying at Ramshackle! The Headmage asked me to get a set of uniforms ready for you, actually.” Sam knelt behind the counter before pulling out a neatly-wrapped package. 

“How did you get it ready so fast?” she asked and Sam smiled. 

“My friends on the other side know everything that goes on on campus,” he said. Titania decided she didn’t want to know the details. 

She unwrapped the package and investigated one of the uniforms. It was well-made with soft fabric and the vest coa was gray–the one Ace and Deuce wore were red. The pants, though, made her frown. There was nothing wrong with them, really, but they just weren’t flattering. “Do you have fabric scissors?” she asked. “And needle and thread?”

“You can sew then, huh?” Sam said. “We have a wide variety of fabric supplies, feel free to pick out anything you like.”

“Titania! Can we get this?” Grim asked. He held a bunch of chocolate bars and tuna cans in his paws. 

“We need fruit, too,” she responded and Grim returned to the food to pick out his favorites. Titania grabbed a few rolls, scissors, and a large sewing kit. Grim placed his food on the counter beside her stuff. “We should get some dishes as well,” she told him. Sam cleared his throat. 

“As much as I love customers who know what they want,” he began, “do you have the money to afford all this?”

Titania looked at him.

“I just remember Crowley saying you come from another world and,” he glanced at Grim, “I’m assuming your friend here doesn’t have a wallet on him.” 

“Oh.” 

Titania stared at the pile of food and fabric in front of her. Sensing the sudden mood drop, Sam sighed. 

“How about this?” he said. “I’ll ring you up for today and, in exchange, you work part-time at the store to pay me back. I’ve been meaning to hire an extra hand anyways with the start of school, so it all works out. You can even keep working here afterwards, and I’ll give you an employee discount on any future purchases.” He winked at her but she remained slightly suspicious.

“Why?”

He blinked. “Pardon?”

“Why would you go out of your way to help me like this?” she asked. Sam sighed. 

“I can’t blame you for being suspicious, your only interaction with an adult in this world was with Crowley,” Sam shook his head in exasperation. “Unlike that birdbrain, I’m not going to rip off a homeless teenager just because I don’t technically have to look out for your wellbeing. Get whatever stuff you need to make it through the week and we’ll work out the details later, okay?”

Titania still hesitated. Could she really just accept help like that? Were there truly no strings attached? She chewed on her bottom lip but the fabric called her name like a siren. “...Okay,” she eventually agreed and Sam gave her a genuine smile. 

“Let’s get you guys some bags.”

Titania bought the fabric, food for her and Grim, dishes and blankets, and even some vegetable seeds and gardening supplies. The end total made her heart drop but Sam shooed her out of the store without a word of protest, only telling her to come back tomorrow afternoon for staff training. 

She carried the bags back to Ramshackle in a daze, wondering where she fit in inside this new world. She had never been one to accept help in her past life and everything offered to her came with so many strings they nearly strangled her. Now, she had a kitchen countertop piled with groceries essentially given to her without a second thought. The bones in her fingers ached. 

She found herself in the bathroom, her and Grim’s toothbrushes resting side by side on the sink. She tapped the handle of each toothbrush with her fingernail as if performing a prayer then finally looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was as long as it always had been, cascading down her back all the way to her hips, and she’d never been allowed to cut it shorter than her shoulder blades. Those were the rules thrusted upon her in her past life, but this life in Twisted Wonderland was different. It was scary and full of uncertainties and she didn’t know who she was anymore now that she was here but she knew somewhere inside her soul that this life would be different. She could be different from who she was before. She could decide for herself what she wanted to do and who she would be, and she would start with this damn hair. 

She grabbed a pair of scissors and began to cut. She cut and cut and cut away at her hair until piles of dark brown curls surrounded her feet. She looked in the mirror after the deed was done, at her hair that only now brushed the top of her shoulders and smiled. This was the hair she always wanted. 

She returned to the kitchen to find Grim helping himself to a chocolate chip cookie as the ghosts went through their grocery bags. “You cut your hair,” Alphonse said when he saw her. The other two ghosts and Grim looked up at her. 

“It looks nice!” said Bertholdt.

“It suits you well!” said Clarence. 

“Cookie?” Grim offered and Titania smiled. 

“Thanks, guys.”

She let Grim finish off the entire container of cookies as she sat with him at the kitchen table, resewing the uniform pants into much more fashionable skirts. Satisfied with her work, she also made herself some pink stockings and a pink hair bow with some of the fabric she bought at Sam’s. 

By the time she and Grim finally climbed into bed, she was exhausted but a feeling of satisfaction had settled on her chest. She smiled as she pulled the covers up around her. 

Then, someone began banging on the front door. Her smile vanished instantly. 

Grim scrambled out from under the covers. “Who’s knocking this late at night? Are the ghosts messing with us again?”

Instantly, the trio of ghosts floated into the room.

“It’s not us!” said Alphonse.

“Someone’s at the door,” said Bertholdt. 

“He won’t go away,” complained Clarence. 

Titania swore under her breath and climbed out of bed. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and walked downstairs to the foyer. Grim followed close behind her. The knocking didn’t stop until Titania threw the door open and glared at the person on her doorstep. 

“What?” she snapped. Ace looked surprised. 

“You cut your hair,” he said. Grim appeared from underneath Titania’s blanket-cape. 

“Ace? What are you doing here? Wait…” he narrowed his eyes and, at the same time, Titania noticed it, too.

“You have a collar,” she gasped and Ace’s expression grew annoyed once more. 

“Don’t remind me,” he huffed. “I’m done with Heartslabyul. Starting today, I’m a member of Ramshackle.”

Titania slammed the door in his face.

[fuck-customers]

Perfect example of why customer service is a pox on this world and why I hate my fucking job. Sorry this is so long, tried to condense as much as I could.

Guy comes to collect his food, points to the sauces with it and goes "That's it?" Ye. "I want another;" Okie dokie. Take it out to him, he looks pissed, "Seriously? That's all you're gonna give me just one?" We have a policy wherein if customers want extra sauce they have to pay like 10 cents. I explain this to him and say he can have this one extra sauce on the downlow or he can pay for as many as he wants. He sneers and walks away; interaction over right?

WRONG. He comes back later to ask for a takeaway container. I try to be really nice to customers who've been dicks just to make them feel stupid, so I know I did nothing to provoke this when responding by asking what size he'd like: small or large. This guy. This motherfucking guy decided to snark back with "I don't know why don't you be smart and show me the fucking containers?"

I go out back grab both sizes and in a pretty condescending tone go, "Here you go, small or large?"

"Are you serious, was it really that hard to do that? You could've done that the first time without the fucking attitude. Be smart next time."

"Haha k mate, what size container do you want?"

"You know what? I'm gonna go out there and find a manager, I'm gonna report you. You've got a real bad attitude, if you don't wanna be here don't fucking show up."

"Oh you want to report me to my ~manager~? I can call him for you right now! Do you want me to do that sir?"

"Yeah go on, fucking call them! They're gonna look on the cameras and see how you treated me." (He thought the cameras recorded audio, they do not, unfortunatly for me in this instance)

This whole time I haven't raised my voice once even tho he's yelling at me, I'm just keeping that overly saccharine sweet 'you're a moron and I'm patronising you' customer service voice and smile.

Ring my DM and he says he'll be over in five, I relay this to dickhead and he slinks back to the bar to wait.

I go out the back to cool off for 5 then head back out front and resume cleaning. Guess who storms back up to the register in the third part of this shitty trilogy.

"Oh so you're fucking cleaning now are you? Now that you know your manager is coming and you're on camera you're doing your job huh?" (I'm not even exaggerating the swearing, this dude dropped the F bomb almost every single sentence)

"Beg your pardon? I've been cleaning-"

"Yeah bullshit, you just want to look like you're actually working you lazy dog. I know what you're doing."

"Yeah keep talking to me like that and you're getting kicked out the front door!"

Managers showed up at that point and dude was being a dick to them too.

Cherry on top of this whole ordeal? His wife/mother/whoever the hell she was comes up and asks for a container while guy is off to her side arguing with DMs. Me being kinda a dick knowing he's listening/watching go back to default nice customer service attitude infront of him and repeat the same question: small or large? Intentionally neglecting to get the containers in a moment of pettiness. To her credit she did politely ask to see them but when I bring em out has the audacity to say: "See? If you had've just done that the first time he wouldn't have had to react like he did."

No. You. Did. Fucking. Not.

"Actually no, he was the one who decided to make a smart comment first."

"Well if you had've just brought the containers out to begin with-"

"And what stopped him from just asking politely instead of being smart about it?"

"You should've just brought the containers out, then he wouldn't have had to react the way he did."

"He didn't have to react the way he did regardless, he could've just asked me decently and there was no reason to swear at an name call me." At this point I said fuck this and walked off.

Apparently guy made remarks after this to DMs about what he'd 'do to me' if I did that to him again. So if this unhinged motherfucker comes back and reads my body language wrong I could be in shit apparently?? Okay psycho.

Trying to tell my managers to ban him but they're saying unfortunately he'd have to do more then that to be banned so it's off the table atm but they'll review it. They're semi-regulars too so this most likely won't be my last run in with this moron

This is very specific and if, for whatever snowflakes chance in hell, the people who this is about see it and realise this is them and I'm that employee: you're a bunch of dogs with no manners who should stay the fuck home. You've got issues that clearly need sorting out and if you're gonna flip over one fucking takeaway container then stay out of the public thanks.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[katyspersonal]

Some Velka rambles

Honestly, Velka is such an interesting oddity amongst the Gods! Her element is 'Occult', which is opposite of 'Holy' (narrative through weapons passive effects..... 👍) and her symbol is literally the white circle of Way of White, but... black instead of white, lol. Her miracles are also dark and purple, which is a coloration associated with using Darkness like magic! I primarily remember attacks of the Four Kings, Artorias and Manus on this one.

Then in Dark Souls 1, her devout followers who turned into crow-headed monsters upon worshipping her (confirmed by Miyazaki to be the reason) and traces of her Pardoners are found in Painted World, a place for those who didn't fit the world the way Gods wanted it! However, she was feared by Gods as well, but also had assassins that pursued those who disrespected Gods.. But, this function got adopted by Gwyndolin, as now it is his Darkmoon Knights who hunt down the sinners and take 'Souvenirs of Reprisal' from them! Items dropped by the crow monsters in the painted world, who have no ears, so these are those they've taken too!

It all makes me feel as though something had to happen. Like maybe she betrayed the Gods and lost at some point, maybe those who feared and disliked her screwed her over as soon as they had the chance, maybe she left herself over ideological disagreements, who knows? But for a God, life form of Light/Fire, she certainly favors the Dark, and effectively humans, more! It feels more like a choice rather than being "born odd", unless she is like half-human or something! The latter would give an extra layer to the idea of her adopting Priscilla... but so would developing some interesting ideology, too!

Like, maybe she appreciated how "versatile" humans could be about ideas of justice? Humans have a sixth sense for injustice and unfairness even if all laws and rules are followed and even if "the right thing" was done! Nobody doubts legitimacy of rules and order like they. We are the species that wishes mercy upon a thief who was only a poor guy dealt a really shitty hand robbing to heal his sick child even if he broke the laws (and someone's property)! We are the species that doesn't want a woman that murdered her rapist to go to jail! And when someone feels drastically different about the matter, they get called soulless or inhumane. We can feel injustice even in justice, and maybe this reoccurring feature attracted Velka?

"Justice is blind" for sure doesn't apply to her, her justice is likely very insightful. Justice that IS blind doesn't care whether the culprit "had sympathetic motivations" or "feels sorry". But whereas Velka did have assassins who pursue sinners for punishment too and snitching on someone to get those assassins on their asses is an option, Pardoners also serve to help to redeem and change. There is a justice that ensures those who sinned will pay and thus the balance will be restored but offers the chance to change until you literally die, and there is a justice that defines you by your sins forever and makes your life, future and possibilities rapidly shrink more and more until you have nothing to do but to embrace the sin as your self. In most case, "making amends" isn't possible. No amount of apologies, change or even actual compensation will erase the pain of affected people, return the time they've spent suffering, let alone more severe consequences. But if there was no faith put into "cleansing" sin, sin would be default state of people, and nothing would matter anything or make any sense. Why ever do better or do anything good at all, if what you did wrong is forever in history?

But that's kind of what Velka defies, too! You get the chance to erase your harm from the passage of time, if this is what you seek! It might seem cheap, but it is actually a virtue too. Even if people have the chance to erase their sins, sure many would choose not too because they don't believe they did something wrong. They'd rather hold onto their grudge or have that one guy always suffer because of them even with mutual consequences. Like, it still requires power of character. Pardoners can offer this possibility, but they can't force petty, spiteful, hateful, selfish people to use it. Like, in this fantasy setting, people deserved this cheat code by showing good intent that is NOT the default! ....and hefty amount of souls but is secondary and you know it hfbgjfnb

On a simpler level, Velka is already a "rogue" and heretic by giving the power of rewriting the flow of time on behalf of people who "feel bad 🥺", because time in this setting as we know it IS creation of Fire! And Dark defies passage of time, as well as time passage is failing as a concept when Fire is dying. Like, she literally defies the order of Fire, and so do her servants. But also? Way of White has Gwyndolin to culturally appropriate replace her assassins with the Darkmoon Blades, but.... not Pardoners. Like!!! They don't have "Pardoners at home". There are no guys who would offer to atone and cleanse yourself in the Way of White. And the fact that they've only copied the punishment part but not the atonement part is VERY telling. It is that "bad once = bad forever" shit us humans despise, until and unless we go fanatical and... well, inhumane.

I would not put it past Gwyn or Way of White people in general to feel this way! With Gwyn, you can only "atone" for literally being who you are; Seath betrayed his own kind and was content with his own being slaughtered, and then there were "four human friends that didn't think my jokes were misanthropic". I would not say pre-corruption Church of the Deep was the tool of atonement either; they seemed to be more keen on cleansing the very filth that human nature IS in the eyes of the Way of White? So, the Deep went extremely dirty from repeated attempts to discard that darkness.. much like how the world started to rot after repeated banishments of the Dark. They WERE very much Way of White, until Aldrich saw twisted beauty in human dregs I guess. There is much more mercy in Oswald's "It's only human to commit a sin" than that shit in comparison, or at least that's what it feels like for me.

Basically there is something in the Dark that is more genuine mercy, and more genuine justice. Driven by instincts and not mind or laws, and Velka is right to appreciate it. For them offering better life to those who sinned if they wish it may be a terrible thing. We alllllll know those pricks who complain about "offering compassion to the baaaaaaad person and not their victim!!!" as though it is a limited resource that can't be offered to both and you choose a side. Justice should make the world better, but fixing a bad person into a good one does that as well. But for the Light and its admirers, you can only deliver justice by amputating the bad guy from the body of society. It feels like Dark beings are strangely less interested in playing predator or pray with Light, despite their animalistic nature

[theonevoice]

Rumination n. 3 – Crowley “didn’t really fall”, for real (bold hypothetical)

So, this is a bold one, but I think that it isn’t absolutely bonkers after all: what if Crowley’s character description “did not so much fall as sauntered vaguely downwards” was meant to be literal? 

Let’s start from a point that seems to me relatively solid: Heaven wiped Crowley’s memory, at least partially. I cannot stop thinking that Gabriel’s punishment, as well as the recurring threat of being erased by the Book of Life, was included not because there was no other way to set in motion the plot but to make us aware that Heaven uses the manipulation of memory as a form of control and revenge (individual memory wiping as well as cosmic memory wiping via the Book of Life). Crowley’s interactions with the amnesiac Gabriel show that our former demon is strangely familiar with the feeling of having a hole in your memory that is not simple forgetfulness but rather the scar tissue left behind by violent mutilation.

“I know, do it anyway” “I know, looking at where the furniture isn’t.”

I know. But how does he know? Furthermore, this season presents us with not just one but two separate scenes that slap us in the face with the knowledge that Crowley does not remember people from before the Fall. And even if he brushes it off jokingly, we have learned that everything is intentional in Neil Gaiman’s writing, so it seems fair to say that Crowley has lost some of his memories.

But which ones?

Here comes the bold part: Crowley may have forgotten that he actually didn’t fall.

Let’s gather what we know about his Fall. We know that he was sad and upset at the idea that his beloved universe was to be shut down after just 6000 years and that he intended to speak to God about it. We know that the Metatron must have dismissed him, which is why he can remember his “foolish questions” and why Crowley is so bitter about God not speaking to any of them. We know that one day, while “minding his own business” he was approached by “Lucifer and the guys” – we don’t know the exact chronology of this but I suspect that Lucifer went to Crowley after and possibly because he knew of his attempted protest. We know that he didn’t have “anything on for the rest of that afternoon,” which means that (after speaking with the Metatron) this high-ranking angel was left sitting around doing nothing, without any assignment. We know that they start complaining about Heaven: “the food hadn’t been that good lately” could not be, of course, the literal subject of their conversation (since there was no food in Heaven, nor on Earth yet), but it’s the classic CrowleyTM joking way of saying that they were not happy about the management. And immediately after that, as if his memory skipped a bit, “Next thing, I’m doing a million-light-year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulfur.” Now, we also know that he remembers “going to battle,” but he doesn't seem to remember the battle itself, as if he doesn't so much remember it but rather knows that it took place and that he must have been in it.

I didn’t question this account until the Gabriel trial scene got me thinking: was a trial granted to all the rebellious angels as well? Because, if it was, then Heaven must still have the records. And Crowley, as he says himself, “didn’t mean to fall,” he didn’t want to rebel. He was only trying to give suggestions in order to protect the creation and ended up hunging with the wrong people. And now I am wondering: what if, given his good intentions, they offered him the chance to be pardoned, but only if he swore to accept his place as a dull, quiet, submissive, compliant angel who was never to ask questions ever again and must agree to spend all eternity strictly obeying orders? And what if, when presented with this option, he refused?

What if Crowley literally "didn’t really fall"? What if he was never cast out but he willingly renounced Heaven?

Maybe by that point he had already made up his mind and decided that he could no longer tolerate Heaven's tyranny, and that he was (as Aziraphale would have told him after the Job incident, prompting him to save his angelic status) "ready to go to Hell." But Heaven is vicious and vindictive, and they send him away only after erasing the part of his memory that regarded this momentous decision, stripping him of the knowledge of the act of free will he had performed.

So he was thrown down to Hell with all the others, unable to remember how exactly it had happened. But the empty rooms in the house of his mind could still “sort of tell where things used to be,” and that's why he could never become a proper demon and fully embrace a demonic, evil nature. It is also why the mere suggestion of returning to Heaven is unbearable to him, even if he cannot tell the reason anymore. He can feel that going back would contrast with something hidden deep insied of him, unretrievable but still present and pulsing.

In this scenario, his deep-seated trauma would be not the trauma of being cast out of Heaven but the trauma of realizing that the place that you believed was your home does not want you the way you are; it only accepts a contained and mutilated version of you, so that you have no choice but to abandon it or to abandon your nature and identity.

Now imagine if Aziraphale, as Supreme Archangel, maybe out of curiosity or nostalgia, looks for those old trial records and finds all of this out: it would be the ultimate reason for him to finally drop his delusion of bringing Crowley back to Heaven and/or fixing Heaven's (unspeakable) wrongdoing for him. For 6000 years, he has been operating under the assumption that Crowley had been banned from Heaven and resented that punishment, under the assumption that he secretly wished to go back, under the assumption that with the right amount of convincing and fixing he could correct this painful situation. But knowing that Crowley had renounced Heaven willingly would make the plan of bringing him back something other than a fix or a reparation: it would make it a show of disrespect for his free will.

Aziraphale may finally grasp an idea that has never occurred to him in his entire existence: that living far from Heaven is not something that only happens when Heaven angrily sends you away, but it can also be a choice. And maybe he could restore that piece of memory to Crowley, allowing him to regain possession of his entire history and consequently to grasp the meaning of his existence: the existence of an entity who, a long time ago, had mastered the courage to carve his own path, and can finally be at peace with his life, because now he knows that his destiny was not blindly thrust upon him by a superior authority, but it was the result of a choice that he made. The choice that brought him to the wall of Eden and to all that followed.

[mmmmmmmmmmmmsoup]

The cleaner

part 1

(This is my first short story, so please be kind, but I would also love some feedback)

Some background information: You are a dropout from the military, you were looking for a much needed job. Somehow, you landed a gig cleaning. Now you are a cleaner who picks up after a bunch of smelly dudes. But it’s not all bad, you get paid fairly well and the company(?) that you work for has given you rent free accommodations. These are your adventures!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! You wake up panicked, sitting up immediately only to find the source of the noise, your alarm clock. “Ugh”, you push the button to silence the alarm, while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

6:30AM was the time, it gave you enough time to get dressed, brush your teeth, eat, and anything else you needed to do before your shift started. As you looked in the mirror, putting your hair in a pony tail(or just pinning it up, if your hair is too short), you sighed “another day”. With one last look in the mirror, you headed out the door.

Getting to where you needed to work was no trouble, you literally had to walk across the gravel driveway and you were there. The company that hired you, gave you a little shack to stay in while your here. Not the nicest shack you’ve ever seen, but it had a bathroom, room for a bed, and a mini fridge. Which is more then most shacks have.

You’ve been working here for almost 2 weeks now, your still getting adjusted to the job, while the men that your cleaning up after, are getting adjusted with your presence. You haven’t talked to them a bunch, but you know they are an odd group, to say the least. there are 9 of them, some are fairly clean and even give you a hand with work, while others… less so.

As you make it inside the building, you look down at your check list that you carry around. “Let’s see here…garage has been done, all of the lower floor has been done, mmm. I guess all there is to do is clean the kitchen, sweep, mop the floors, and vacuum any rugs. Ok seems pretty low key for a Thursday, sweet!” You click your pen and get started with your day.

Threw out the day you have managed to clean the mess that was the kitchen, sweep and mop most of the rooms, with only a few more to go, and it isn’t even 1pm yet. You were on a role!

Currently you were vacuuming a rug that was located in what you would call, the living room. Mindlessly vacuuming, zoning out thinking about who knows what, when suddenly the vacuum stops. “Uh?” You try turning the vacuum off and on, nothing happens. “Please don’t tell me this thing just died on me!” Your eyes follow the wire of the vacuum to where you plugged it in, only to find a VERY large man standing there, with the end of the cord in his hand. ‘Holy fuck!’

The man was tall, like fucking ridiculous tall. He was more on the bigger side for body types, but you could tell it wasn’t just water weight, this man could knock the shit out of you if he wanted.

You started to sweat slightly “…can I help you?”. This guy did not look friendly, he wore a scowl on his face and is looking down at you as if you have done something wrong.

“You go on break now.”

Baffled, unsure you heard him correctly, “pardon?”

“You go on break now.” He says once more, with a thick Russian accent.

“Oh…OH! No, I’m ok, I’m just gonna finish up, then I’ll be done for the day.”

“No, you take break.” He insists, well not really insists more demands it, but yeah.

“No really, I’m almost done, won’t take anytime at all!”, you try to say without coming off as rude. ‘Let me do my job big scary man, and then you won’t have to see me for the rest of the day!!!’

“I make sandwiches.”, He blurts out.

….

“What?”

“I make sandwiches, you take break and eat.”

‘…well that was unexpected. I thought this guy just hated my guts, but he actually might be nice?’

“Oh….ok, I guess I can take a quick break, couldn’t hurt.” You say as you place the vacuum to the side.

“Good.” The giant starts to turn around and walk towards to kitchen/dining area, you follow.

as your walking, your trying to remember the name of this giant. When you first started working here, you had gotten a small introduction to the 9 men, but it was short, and names were never your thing. ‘What was it again? Henry? No that isn’t it… hoovey? Heavy? Heavy!’ As you both make it to the kitchen, there’s a table in the corner with a plate stacked with sandwiches, like atleast 25. A crazy amount of sandwiches, but maybe he made some for everybody? ‘Aw, that’s kinda sweet.’

As you sit down, heavy grabs you a plate and napkin. He doesn’t sit, “I go get everybody else.”

“Oh, ok”, as heavy walks away you grab a sandwich and place it on your place. ‘Should I wait for everyone else to get here? Heavy didn’t say anything about not eating right away.’ As your staring at the sandwich, you realize your gonna be in a room full of guys you don’t really know that well. Your anxiety is starting to set in, you’ve never been great at socializing, you start to tear at your napkin to try and sooth your social anxiety.

Suddenly out no where a bunch of guys basically run in to the kitchen, some grab a plate and sit down, while others grab one or two sandwiches and leave immediately, assuming to return to whatever they were doing before heavy told them about food.

“So your the newbie, eh?”, You look up to who spoke, it was a guy with a hard hat on and some goggles. He wore overalls that were stained with oil.

"er, yup. Well kinda, I’m just a cleaner.”, You shrug, as you reach for your sandwich.

“Well I’m engineer or engie, for short, just incase you forgot. Thanks for all the work you’ve done so far.” Engineer says with a smile, ‘what’s with all the weirdly specific names?’.

“Ja! I don’t think this place has looked better!” You turn to the man with the German accent. He has black hair, round glasses, and is wearing a doctor uniform. ‘I know his name starts with a M, so his name isn’t doctor….um mmm me- medic!’

“Well thank you, I try!” You say bashfully.

“Well I’m heading back to work, got this new blueprint I’ve been planning” engineer says, as he grabs a sandwich on his way out.

Now that engineer has left the room, there’s only 4 people in the room, including yourself.

Medic, was sitting across from you, while heavy was sitting beside him. Then there was a guy in a suit wearing a ski mask sitting to the right of you. ‘I have no fucking clue what his name could be. I wouldn’t even be able to guess, theif? Sketchy jewelry salesman?’

You start eating your sandwich, trying to avoid eye contact ‘this sandwich is actually pretty good!’

“So Y/N,” you hear medic say, you freeze and look up at him from across the table.

“How are handling your living arrangements? If you need anything fixed in that old shack of yours engineer can fix it for you!”

You swallow your bite of food “oh! It’s ok, I don’t need anything fixed. It’s got everything that I need, can’t complain.”

“I’m surprised you were ok living in a shack in the first place.” You hear a French voice to your right. It’s the guy that looks like a sketchy jewellery salesman.

“If I was you, I would have asked to be placed within the building itself, it’s not like we don’t have room” he continues. 

“Aw well, i’m sure your company just wanted to make sure it was kept professional is all.” You say nervously.

“I suppose…” He replies, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket.

‘I gotta get out of here!’

Before anyone else can put a another word in, or have to wait another minute in awkward silence, you take one last bite of your sandwich and stand up. “Well, I better be getting back to work! Thank you for the food heavy.”

Heavy nods and sort of grumbles in a thank you tone, as he scarfs down his 4th sandwich.

You put your plate in the sink, feeling a little guilty cause you just cleaned the kitchen, and now you might have to do it once more today.

“Don’t worry about the kitchen, we’ll clean up when we’re done!” Medic says from across the room. ‘He must have seen my conflicted face.’

“Oh, are you sure? it is my job to clean” you stress.

“Ja, I know you already cleaned to kitchen, the least we could do he deal with our own dishes.”

“Ok well, if your sure.”

You walk out of the kitchen to continue the list of chores you must do.

For the rest of the day, it doesn’t take you long to finish up. You put away all the cleaning supplies, and head outside to your shack.

On your free time you doodle in your sketch book, write down the names of your acquaintances, so hopefully you will remember next time and just chill.

You go to bed early so you can wake up early tomorrow to clean some more.



Ok! That’s part 1! How did I do??

I have no idea where I am going with this story, I just know I’ve been itching to write this. So if anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear them