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path-of-my-childhood · 5 years ago

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Taylor Swift: ‘I was literally about to break’

By: Laura Snapes for The Guardian Date: August 24th 2019

Taylor Swift’s Nashville apartment is an Etsy fever dream, a 365-days-a-year Christmas shop, pure teenage girl id. You enter through a vestibule clad in blue velvet and covered in gilt frames bursting with fake flowers. The ceiling is painted like the night sky. Above a koi pond in the living area, a narrow staircase spirals six feet up towards a giant, pillow-lagged birdcage that probably has the best view in the city. Later, Swift will tell me she needs metaphors “to understand anything that happens to me”, and the birdcage defies you not to interpret it as a pointed comment on the contradictions of stardom.

Swift, wearing pale jeans and dip-dyed shirt, her sandy hair tied in a blue scrunchie, leads the way up the staircase to show me the view. The decor hasn’t changed since she bought this place in 2009, when she was 19. “All of these high rises are new since then,” she says, gesturing at the squat glass structures and cranes. Meanwhile her oven is still covered in stickers, more teenage diary than adult appliance.

Now 29, she has spent much of the past three years living quietly in London with her boyfriend, actor Joe Alwyn, making the penthouse a kind of time capsule, a monument to youthful naivety given an unlimited budget – the years when she sang about Romeo and Juliet and wore ballgowns to awards shows; before she moved to New York and honed her slick, self-mythologising pop.

It is mid-August. This is Swift’s first UK interview in more than three years, and she seems nervous: neither presidential nor goofy (her usual defaults), but quick with a tongue-out “ugh” of regret or frustration as she picks at her glittery purple nails. We climb down from the birdcage to sit by the pond, and when the conversation turns to 2016, the year the wheels came off for her, Swift stiffens as if driving over a mile of speed bumps. After a series of bruising public spats (with Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj) in 2015, there was a high-profile standoff with Kanye West. The news that she was in a relationship with actor Tom Hiddleston, which leaked soon after, was widely dismissed as a diversionary tactic. Meanwhile, Swift went to court to prosecute a sexual assault claim, and faced a furious backlash when she failed to endorse a candidate in the 2016 presidential election, allowing the alt-right to adopt her as their “Aryan princess”.

Her critics assumed she cared only about the bottom line. The reality, Swift says, is that she was totally broken. “Every domino fell,” she says bitterly. “It became really terrifying for anyone to even know where I was. And I felt completely incapable of doing or saying anything publicly, at all. Even about my music. I always said I wouldn’t talk about what was happening personally, because that was a personal time.” She won’t get into specifics. “I just need some things that are mine,” she despairs. “Just some things.”

A year later, in 2017, Swift released her album Reputation, half high-camp heel turn, drawing on hip-hop and vaudeville (the brilliantly hammy Look What You Made Me Do), half stunned appreciation that her nascent relationship with Alwyn had weathered the storm (the soft, sensual pop of songs Delicate and Dress).

Her new album, Lover, her seventh, was released yesterday. It’s much lighter than Reputation: Swift likens writing it to feeling like “I could take a full deep breath again”. Much of it is about Alwyn: the Galway Girl-ish track London Boy lists their favourite city haunts and her newfound appreciation of watching rugby in the pub with his uni mates; on the ruminative Afterglow, she asks him to forgive her anxious tendency to assume the worst.

While she has always written about relationships, they were either teenage fantasy or a postmortem on a high-profile breakup, with exes such as Jake Gyllenhaal and Harry Styles. But she and Alwyn have seldom been pictured together, and their relationship is the only other thing she won’t talk about. “I’ve learned that if I do, people think it’s up for discussion, and our relationship isn’t up for discussion,” she says, laughing after I attempt a stealthy angle. “If you and I were having a glass of wine right now, we’d be talking about it – but it’s just that it goes out into the world. That’s where the boundary is, and that’s where my life has become manageable. I really want to keep it feeling manageable.”

Instead, she has swapped personal disclosure for activism. Last August, Swift broke her political silence to endorse Democratic Tennessee candidate Phil Bredesen in the November 2018 senate race. Vote.org reported an unprecedented spike in voting registration after Swift’s Instagram post, while Donald Trump responded that he liked her music “about 25% less now”.

Meanwhile, her recent single You Need To Calm Down admonished homophobes and namechecked US LGBTQ rights organisation Glaad (which then saw increased donations). Swift filled her video with cameos from queer stars such as Ellen DeGeneres and Queen singer Adam Lambert, and capped it with a call to sign her petition in support of the Equality Act, which if passed would prohibit gender- and sexuality-based discrimination in the US. A video of Polish LGBTQ fans miming the track in defiance of their government’s homophobic agenda went viral. But Swift was accused of “queerbaiting” and bandwagon-jumping. You can see how she might find it hard to work out what, exactly, people want from her.

***

It was girlhood that made Swift a multimillionaire. When country music’s gatekeepers swore that housewives were the only women interested in the genre, she proved them wrong. Her self-titled debut marked the longest stay on the Billboard 200 by any album released in the decade. A potentially cloying image – corkscrew curls, lyrics thick on “daddy” and down-home values – were undercut by the fact she was evidently, endearingly, a bit of a freak, an unusual combination of intensity and artlessness. Also, she was really, really good at what she did, and not just for a teenager: her entirely self-written third album, 2010’s Speak Now, is unmatched in its devastatingly withering dismissals of awful men.

As a teenager, Swift was obsessed with VH1’s Behind The Music, the series devoted to the rise and fall of great musicians. She would forensically rewatch episodes, trying to pinpoint the moment a career went wrong. I ask her to imagine she’s watching the episode about herself and do the same thing: where was her misstep? “Oh my God,” she says, drawing a deep breath and letting her lips vibrate as she exhales. “I mean, that’s so depressing!” She thinks back and tries to deflect. “What I remember is that [the show] was always like, ‘Then we started fighting in the tour bus and then the drummer quit and the guitarist was like, “You’re not paying me enough.”’’’

But that’s not what she used to say. In interviews into her early 20s, Swift often observed that an artist fails when they lose their self-awareness, as if repeating the fact would work like an insurance against succumbing to the same fate. But did she make that mistake herself? She squeezes her nose and blows to clear a ringing in her ears before answering. “I definitely think that sometimes you don’t realise how you’re being perceived,” she says. “Pop music can feel like it’s The Hunger Games, and like we’re gladiators. And you can really lose focus of the fact that that’s how it feels because that’s how a lot of stan [fan] Twitter and tabloids and blogs make it seem – the overanalysing of everything makes it feel really intense.”

She describes the way she burned bridges in 2016 as a kind of obliviousness. “I didn’t realise it was like a classic overthrow of someone in power – where you didn’t realise the whispers behind your back, you didn’t realise the chain reaction of events that was going to make everything fall apart at the exact, perfect time for it to fall apart.”

Here’s that chain reaction in full. With her 2014 album 1989 (the year she was born), Swift transcended country stardom, becoming as ubiquitous as Beyoncé. For the first time she vocally embraced feminism, something she had rejected in her teens; but, after a while, it seemed to amount to not much more than a lot of pictures of her hanging out with her “squad”, a bevy of supermodels, musicians and Lena Dunham. The squad very much did not include her former friend Katy Perry, whom Swift targeted in her song Bad Blood, as part of what seemed like a painfully overblown dispute about some backing dancers. Then, when Nicki Minaj tweeted that MTV’s 2015 Video Music awards had rewarded white women at the expense of women of colour, multiple-nominee Swift took it personally, responding: “Maybe one of the men took your slot.” For someone prone to talking about the haters, she quickly became her own worst enemy.

Her old adversary Kanye West resurfaced in February 2016. In 2009, West had invaded Swift’s stage at the MTV VMAs to protest against her victory over Beyoncé in the female video of the year category. It remains the peak of interest in Swift on Google Trends, and the conflict between them has become such a cornerstone of celebrity journalism that it’s hard to remember it lay dormant for nearly seven years – until West released his song Famous. “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex,” he rapped. “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The video depicted a Swift mannequin naked in bed with men including Trump.

Swift loudly condemned both; although she had discussed the track with West, she said she had never agreed to the “bitch” lyric or the video. West’s wife, Kim Kardashian, released a heavily edited clip that showed Swift at least agreeing to the “sex” line on the phone with West, if not the “bitch” part. Swift pleaded the technicality, but it made no difference: when Kardashian went on Twitter to describe her as a snake, the comparison stuck and the singer found herself very publicly “cancelled” – the incident taken as “proof” of Swift’s insincerity. So she went away.

Swift says she stopped trying to explain herself, even though she “definitely” could have. As she worked on Reputation, she was also writing “a think-piece a day that I knew I would never publish: the stuff I would say, and the different facets of the situation that nobody knew”. If she could exonerate herself, why didn’t she? She leans forward. “Here’s why,” she says conspiratorially. “Because when people are in a hate frenzy and they find something to mutually hate together, it bonds them. And anything you say is in an echo chamber of mockery.”

She compares that year to being hit by a tidal wave. “You can either stand there and let the wave crash into you, and you can try as hard as you can to fight something that’s more powerful and bigger than you,” she says. “Or you can dive under the water, hold your breath, wait for it to pass and while you’re down there, try to learn something. Why was I in that part of the ocean? There were clearly signs that said: Rip tide! Undertow! Don’t swim! There are no lifeguards!” She’s on a roll. “Why was I there? Why was I trusting people I trusted? Why was I letting people into my life the way I was letting them in? What was I doing that caused this?”

After the incident with Minaj, her critics started pointing out a narrative of “white victimhood” in Swift’s career. Speaking slowly and carefully, she says she came to understand “a lot about how my privilege allowed me to not have to learn about white privilege. I didn’t know about it as a kid, and that is privilege itself, you know? And that’s something that I’m still trying to educate myself on every day. How can I see where people are coming from, and understand the pain that comes with the history of our world?”

She also accepts some responsibility for her overexposure, and for some of the tabloid drama. If she didn’t wish a friend happy birthday on Instagram, there would be reports about severed friendships, even if they had celebrated together. “Because we didn’t post about it, it didn’t happen – and I realised I had done that,” she says. “I created an expectation that everything in my life that happened, people would see.”

But she also says she couldn’t win. “I’m kinda used to being gaslit by now,” she drawls wearily. “And I think it happens to women so often that, as we get older and see how the world works, we’re able to see through what is gaslighting. So I’m able to look at 1989 and go – KITTIES!” She breaks off as an assistant walks in with Swift’s three beloved cats, stars of her Instagram feed, back from the vet before they fly to England this week. Benjamin, Olivia and Meredith haughtily circle our feet (they are scared of the koi) as Swift resumes her train of thought, back to the release of 1989 and the subsequent fallout. “Oh my God, they were mad at me for smiling a lot and quote-unquote acting fake. And then they were mad at me that I was upset and bitter and kicking back.” The rules kept changing.

***

Swift’s new album comes with printed excerpts from her diaries. On 29 August 2016, she wrote in her girlish, bubble writing: “This summer is the apocalypse.” As the incident with West and Kardashian unfolded, she was preparing for her court case against radio DJ David Mueller, who was fired in 2013 after Swift reported him for putting his hand up her dress at a meet-and–greet event. He sued her for defamation; she countersued for sexual assault.

“Having dealt with a few of them, narcissists basically subscribe to a belief system that they should be able to do and say whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want to,” Swift says now, talking at full pelt. “And if we – as anyone else in the world, but specifically women – react to that, well, we’re not allowed to. We’re not allowed to have a reaction to their actions.”

In summer 2016 she was in legal depositions, practising her testimony. “You’re supposed to be really polite to everyone,” she says. But by the time she got to court in August 2017, “something snapped, I think”. She laughs. Her testimony was sharp and uncompromising. She refused to allow Mueller’s lawyers to blame her or her security guards; when asked if she could see the incident, Swift said no, because “my ass is in the back of my body”. It was a brilliant, rude defence.

“You’re supposed to behave yourself in court and say ‘rear end’,” she says with mock politesse. “The other lawyer was saying, ‘When did he touch your backside?’ And I was like, ‘ASS! Call it what it is!’” She claps between each word. But despite the acclaim for her testimony and eventual victory (she asked for one symbolic dollar), she still felt belittled. It was two months prior to the beginning of the #MeToo movement. “Even this case was literally twisted so hard that people were calling it the ‘butt-grab case’. They were saying I sued him because there’s this narrative that I want to sue everyone. That was one of the reasons why the summer was the apocalypse.”

She never wanted the assault to be made public. Have there been other instances she has dealt with privately? “Actually, no,” she says soberly. “I’m really lucky that it hadn’t happened to me before. But that was one of the reasons it was so traumatising. I just didn’t know that could happen. It was really brazen, in front of seven people.” She has since had security cameras installed at every meet-and-greet she does, deliberately pointed at her lower half. “If something happens again, we can prove it with video footage from every angle,” she says.

The allegations about Harvey Weinstein came out soon after she won her case. The film producer had asked her to write a song for the romantic comedy One Chance, which earned her second Golden Globe nomination. Weinstein also got her a supporting role in the 2014 sci-fi movie The Giver, and attended the launch party for 1989. But she says they were never alone together.

“He’d call my management and be like, ‘Does she have a song for this film?’ And I’d be like, ‘Here it is,’” she says dispassionately. “And then I’d be at the Golden Globes. I absolutely never hung out. And I would get a vibe – I would never vouch for him. I believe women who come forward, I believe victims who come forward, I believe men who come forward.” Swift inhales, flustered. She says Weinstein never propositioned her. “If you listen to the stories, he picked people who were vulnerable, in his opinion. It seemed like it was a power thing. So, to me, that doesn’t say anything – that I wasn’t in that situation.”

Meanwhile, Donald Trump was more than nine months into his presidency, and still Swift had not taken a position. But the idea that a pop star could ever have impeded his path to the White House seemed increasingly naive. In hindsight, the demand that Swift speak up looks less about politics and more about her identity (white, rich, powerful) and a moralistic need for her to redeem herself – as if nobody else had ever acted on a vindictive instinct, or blundered publicly.

But she resisted what might have been an easy return to public favour. Although Reputation contained softer love songs, it was better known for its brittle, vengeful side (see This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things). She describes that side of the album now as a “bit of a persona”, and its hip-hop-influenced production as “a complete defence mechanism”. Personally, I thought she had never been more relatable, trashing the contract of pious relatability that traps young women in the public eye.

***

It was the assault trial, and watching the rights of LGBTQ friends be eroded, that finally politicised her, Swift says. “The things that happen to you in your life are what develop your political opinions. I was living in this Obama eight-year paradise of, you go, you cast your vote, the person you vote for wins, everyone’s happy!” she says. “This whole thing, the last three, four years, it completely blindsided a lot of us, me included.”

She recently said she was “dismayed” when a friend pointed out that her position on gay rights wasn’t obvious (what if she had a gay son, he asked), hence this summer’s course correction with the single You Need To Calm Down (“You’re comin’ at my friends like a missile/Why are you mad?/When you could be GLAAD?”). Didn’t she feel equally dismayed that her politics weren’t clear? “I did,” she insists, “and I hate to admit this, but I felt that I wasn’t educated enough on it. Because I hadn’t actively tried to learn about politics in a way that I felt was necessary for me, making statements that go out to hundreds of millions of people.”

She explains her inner conflict. “I come from country music. The number one thing they absolutely drill into you as a country artist, and you can ask any other country artist this, is ‘Don’t be like the Dixie Chicks!’” In 2003, the Texan country trio denounced the Iraq war, saying they were “ashamed” to share a home state with George W Bush. There was a boycott, and an event where a bulldozer crushed their CDs. “I watched country music snuff that candle out. The most amazing group we had, just because they talked about politics. And they were getting death threats. They were made such an example that basically every country artist that came after that, every label tells you, ‘Just do not get involved, no matter what.’

“And then, you know, if there was a time for me to get involved…” Swift pauses. “The worst part of the timing of what happened in 2016 was I felt completely voiceless. I just felt like, oh God, who would want me? Honestly.” She would otherwise have endorsed Hillary Clinton? “Of course,” she says sincerely. “I just felt completely, ugh, just useless. And maybe even like a hindrance.”

I suggest that, thinking selfishly, her coming out for Clinton might have made people like her. “I wasn’t thinking like that,” she stresses. “I was just trying to protect my mental health – not read the news very much, go cast my vote, tell people to vote. I just knew what I could handle and I knew what I couldn’t. I was literally about to break. For a while.” Did she seek therapy? “That stuff I just really wanna keep personal, if that’s OK,” she says.

She resists blaming anyone else for her political silence. Her emergence as a Democrat came after she left Big Machine, the label she signed to at 15. (They are now at loggerheads after label head Scott Borchetta sold the company, and the rights to Swift’s first six albums, to Kanye West’s manager, Scooter Braun.) Had Borchetta ever advised her against speaking out? She exhales. “It was just me and my life, and also doing a lot of self-reflection about how I did feel really remorseful for not saying anything. I wanted to try and help in any way that I could, the next time I got a chance. I didn’t help, I didn’t feel capable of it – and as soon as I can, I’m going to.”

Swift was once known for throwing extravagant 4 July parties at her Rhode Island mansion. The Instagram posts from these star-studded events – at which guests wore matching stars-and-stripes bikinis and onesies – probably supported a significant chunk of the celebrity news industry GDP. But in 2017, they stopped. “The horror!” wrote Cosmopolitan, citing “reasons that remain a mystery” for their disappearance. It wasn’t “squad” strife or the unavailability of matching cozzies that brought the parties to an end, but Swift’s disillusionment with her country, she says.

There is a smart song about this on the new album – the track that should have been the first single, instead of the cartoonish ME!. Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince is a forlorn, gothic ballad in the vein of Lana Del Rey that uses high-school imagery to dismantle American nationalism: “The whole school is rolling fake dice/You play stupid games/You win stupid prizes,” she sings with disdain. “Boys will be boys then/Where are the wise men?”

As an ambitious 11-year-old, she worked out that singing the national anthem at sports games was the quickest way to get in front of a large audience. When did she start feeling conflicted about what America stands for? She gives another emphatic ugh. “It was the fact that all the dirtiest tricks in the book were used and it worked,” she says. “The thing I can’t get over right now is gaslighting the American public into being like” – she adopts a sanctimonious tone – “‘If you hate the president, you hate America.’ We’re a democracy – at least, we’re supposed to be – where you’re allowed to disagree, dissent, debate.” She doesn’t use Trump’s name. “I really think that he thinks this is an autocracy.”

As we speak, Tennessee lawmakers are trying to impose a near-total ban on abortion. Swift has staunchly defended her “Tennessee values” in recent months. What’s her position? “I mean, obviously, I’m pro-choice, and I just can’t believe this is happening,” she says. She looks close to tears. “I can’t believe we’re here. It’s really shocking and awful. And I just wanna do everything I can for 2020. I wanna figure out exactly how I can help, what are the most effective ways to help. ’Cause this is just…” She sighs again. “This is not it.”

***

It is easy to forget that the point of all this is that a teenage Taylor Swiftwanted to write love songs. Nemeses and negativity are now so entrenched in her public persona that it’s hard to know how she can get back to that, though she seems to want to. At the end of Daylight, the new album’s dreamy final song, there’s a spoken-word section: “I want to be defined by the things that I love,” she says as the music fades. “Not the things that I hate, not the things I’m afraid of, the things that haunt me in the middle of the night.” As well as the songs written for Alwyn, there is one for her mother, who recently experienced a cancer relapse: “You make the best of a bad deal/I just pretend it isn’t real,” Swift sings, backed by the Dixie Chicks.

How does writing about her personal life work if she’s setting clearer boundaries? “It actually made me feel more free,” she says. “I’ve always had this habit of never really going into detail about exactly what situation inspired what thing, but even more so now.” This is only half true: in the past, Swift wasn’t shy of a level of detail that invited fans to figure out specific truths about her relationships. And when I tell her that Lover feels a more emotionally guarded album, she bristles. “I know the difference between making art and living your life like a reality star,” she says. “And then even if it’s hard for other people to grasp, my definition is really clear.”

Even so, Swift begins Lover by addressing an adversary, opening with a song called I Forgot That You Existed (“it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”), presumably aimed at Kanye West, a track that slightly defeats its premise by existing. But it sweeps aside old dramas to confront Swift’s real nemesis, herself. “I never grew up/It’s getting so old,” she laments on The Archer.

She has had to learn not to pre-empt disaster, nor to run from it. Her life has been defined by relationships, friendships and business relationships that started and ended very publicly (though she and Perry are friends again). At the same time, the rules around celebrity engagement have evolved beyond recognition in her 15 years of fame. Rather than trying to adapt to them, she’s now asking herself: “How do you learn to maintain? How do you learn not to have these phantom disasters in your head that you play out, and how do you stop yourself from sabotage – because the panic mechanism in your brain is telling you that something must go wrong.” For her, this is what growing up is. “You can’t just make cut-and-dry decisions in life. A lot of things are a negotiation and a grey area and a dance of how to figure it out.”

And so this time, Swift is sticking around. In December she will turn 30, marking the point after which more than half her life will have been lived in public. She’ll start her new decade with a stronger self-preservationist streak, and a looser grip (as well as a cameo in Cats). “You can’t micromanage life, it turns out,” she says, drily.

When Swift finally answered my question about the moment she would choose in the VH1 Behind The Music episode about herself, the one where her career turned, she said she hoped it wouldn’t focus on her “apocalypse” summer of 2016. “Maybe this is wishful thinking,” she said, “but I’d like to think it would be in a couple of years.” It’s funny to hear her hope that the worst is still to come while sitting in her fairytale living room, the cats pacing: a pragmatist at odds with her romantic monument to teenage dreams. But it sounds something like perspective.

#taylor swift #interview #by taylor #the guardian #lover era #lover album #not sure how I feel about the interviewer's approach...there's a lot of irony in it #but a fun read for us nonetheless

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whatiwillsay · 4 years ago

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submission: Hello I Did A Giant DWOHT analysis for you to share

Looking at it through a lens of it being about Kaylor but with the context of Swiftgron: (you can put the Read More wherever you want)

I loved you in secret1

First sight2, yeah we love without reason

[1]

Wildest Dreams: “I said ‘no one has to know what we do’”

Ready For It: “I-island breeze and lights down low / no one has to know”

Dress: “Our secret moments in a crowded room / They’ve got no idea about me and you”

King of My Heart: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

Secret love is a theme that seems explicitly connected to Karlie. There’s not much mention of it in any 1989 song except for Wildest Dreams, which I’d argue, was written early into Karlie and Taylor’s flirtationship where, after Dianna, Taylor was unconvinced that her love with another woman would lead to anything long-term. Wildest Dreams talks about her seeing her relationship with Karlie as a temporary thing that has to end eventually. Ready For It connects to this almost word for word.

Dress talks about being in a situation with someone where you are both friends, and possibly hooking up, but that line between friendship and relationship hasn’t explicitly been crossed yet. I’m assuming the connection between “say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress” and “I only bought this dress so you could take it off” is on purpose. Taylor was making the most of their limited time together, still not seeing it going much further.

King of My Heart is clearly about Karlie, if not just for the connection to the city. It also connects to the timeline of how they got together, detailed in various songs across reputation and Lover, where they sit on the roof and have a serious conversation before they fully jump into things.

So first line = about Karlie.

[2]

illicit affairs: “It’s born from just one single glance / but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times”

I haven’t been through illicit affairs thoroughly enough yet to confirm that it’s about Karlie, but I would say the song leans that way.

However, “without reason” seems to connect to Wonderland in so many places, but especially given the context of the line before, specifically to “Didn’t they tell us ‘don’t rush into things?’ / Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me? / Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?”

So, with that in mind, this line could refer to either Dianna or Karlie, but I’m going to go with Dianna, based on the line that follows:

Oh, twenty five3 years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

[3] Taylor was twenty five when Kissgate happened. However, Dianna was also both twenty five when she started dating Taylor, and twenty five when Shirtgate happened. I think this line could be taken as her talking to either herself or Dianna.

However, it should be kept in mind that Taylor rarely refers to the ages of her lovers in her songs, preferring instead to refer reflexively to herself – “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty two” “I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything” “When you’re fifteen” “It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands.”

The “how were you to know” also seems to imply a sense of youthfulness and naivete. Whoever was twenty five wasn’t old enough to know what would happen. Perhaps here she’s reflecting on the fact that now, at the same age that Dianna was when they began dating, she seems to know just as little. While Dianna may have seemed older and more worldly to her when they started dating, now at the same age, Taylor has made the same mistakes she did. I think here she is talking both to Dianna and to herself.

My love had been frozen4

Deep blue, but you painted me golden5

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know?6 I-

Okay, there is so much work that metaphor is doing in these three lines here, so let’s go through them one by one.

[4] Ice and frozen-ness as a theme doesn’t really show up until reputation. However, knowing that Dianna is often associated with water/a storm throughout Red and 1989 makes this line interesting. On one hand, Taylor could be saying here that whatever water/storm that was her love for Dianna had stopped moving, which is backed up by the fact that throughout the Speak Now album, Taylor refers to someone being “cold” when they are at a low point, or a relationship is dying.

On the other hand, there’s the whole metaphor of the “fishbowl” from the Lover music video and that being a representation of glass closeting.

Taylor confirmed that this room represents the 1989 Era.

Because of this, the water metaphors get a little tricky, ESPECIALLY as it connects to the songs New Years Day and Paper Rings, because an icy pool also shows up in those stories:

Paper Rings: “In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool / When you jumped in first, I went in too”

So jumping into a pool seems to be a symbol for commitment, Karlie and Taylor jumping into glass closeting together… except that makes no sense for the timeline. Kissgate happened nearly two months before this pool jumping incident. So that leaves us with two options:

New Years Day (and by extension, Paper Rings) are about Calvin Harris, who she was dating at the time this story takes place.

Taylor lied about this pool story. It isn’t real, but it IS a metaphor.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: “It was so nice throwing big parties / Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea”

TIWWCHNT explicitly connects the year 2015 to Taylor throwing wild parties and “feeling so Gatsby,” as Taylor looks back on it as a time before Kissgate or #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty where she was having a carefree amount of fun and didn’t have to face consequences for things.

For me, this suggests that the pool/balcony story/metaphor takes place in 2014/15 rather than 2016, that it IS about glass closeting during the 1989 era, and that, metaphorically, it refers to jumping into things while Taylor was still grieving the loss of Dianna (hence, why the water is icy and cold).

[5] As we know from the song Red, losing Dianna the first time was a blue like Taylor had never known. While many people say blue is a romantic color representing Karlie/Joe, I don’t think this origins of the theme can be ignored, especially since Taylor brings the red/gold metaphor throughout even her most recent work. The “but” in the line is also doing a lot of work here, referencing some sort of contrast between the blue and what happens next. This gives this line two interpretations:

Taylor was still feeling the blue of losing Dianna when she met Karlie, but started dating her anyways.

Karlie herself was blue over something, but still found it in her to paint Taylor gold anyways.

I’m inclined to believe the first interpretation, as that lines up the most with the idea of Taylor’s love being frozen.

[6] Here Taylor repeats the sentiment, only this time referring to herself. To me, this means that the first “25” was indeed referring to Dianna, which I think confirms that the events of Kissgate made Taylor look back either on her relationship with Dianna and how it started OR, possibly, Dianna’s experience during Shirtgate, where afterwards she had to be shoved far back in the closet.

This makes there a parallel set of questions here:

How were you (Dianna), at twenty five, supposed to know what would happen if you dated me/wore that shirt onstage?

How was I (Taylor), at twenty five, supposed to know that my glass closet with Karlie Kloss, who had healed my hurt from Dianna, was going to come crashing down so quickly?

Could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket7

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it8

I had a bad feeling

[7] While some wild Kaylors think this may refer to an actual locket, I think more likely this is a reference to glass closeting, as it is immediately juxtaposed with the image of someone’s (Karlie’s) hands in her pockets. This is a specifically physical gesture, and one that can be seen by other people. What is hidden is the romantic aspect of it, which is represented by the one locket Taylor can’t wear (a good metaphor considering she has matching necklaces with all her beards). This is the reality in which Taylor wanted to spend forever.

[8] What I think is most interesting about this section of lyrics, though, is that it seems to imply Karlie was telling Taylor everything would be fine, despite Taylor worrying that what happened with her and Dianna (gossip mags outing them and them having to break up) would happen here. I think this is likely because Karlie’s one other big relationship, with Toni Garrn, was also done in a big glass closeting way, and Karlie was now with her (likely permanent) beard Josh. Karlie assumed things were going to be fine. Taylor, who had alternative bad experiences that ruined her relationship with Dianna, had a bad feeling.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis9

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it10

I had a bad feeling

[9] This is nearly the exact same phrasing as in Ready For It: “Island breeze with lights down low, no one has to know.” The connection between those lyrics and this song implies that the events preceding Kissgate were still early in their relationship (more proof that there was some overlap with Dianna).

The word “scared” here also continues to play into Taylor’s obsession with deconstructing Christian/religious imagery (ex/ Don’t Blame Me).

[10] Once again, this suggests Taylor is looking back on her relationship with Dianna here. She knows there is no one in the world who can take it, because she’s already been through it with someone else. So, when whispers started up before Kissgate (keeping in mind Taylor’s team probably knew as soon as the L Chat started talking about them), Taylor could feel things start to go downhill again, despite what Karlie said.

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied11, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time12, first time

Yeah we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing13

[11] This imagery is so connected to the “invisible locket” in the first verse. I do not believe the first chorus refers to Kissgate specifically (I agree with Cam’s assertion on the podcast that Kaylors have this big tendency to assume Taylor is speaking about public moments in her songs). Rather, I think them “dancing with their hands tied” refers to having a relationship while glass closeting. They are doing something fun and wild, but not quite free, still limited in certain ways. However, after keeping her relationship with Dianna so (relatively) private and it still falling apart, I can see how glass closeting so openly with Karlie would’ve felt like “dancing” in comparison.

[12] Here again is the implication of naivete. Taylor knows it is not the first time. She has experiences that tell her this is not wise, and indeed her intuition is saying the same, and yet she is acting as if she has learned nothing from her relationship with Dianna, or even Emily, for that matter. Once again, think back to Wonderland: “Didn’t it all seem new and exciting? / I felt your arms twisting around me / I should’ve slept with one eye open at night.” Taylor has already been through this with Dianna, caught up in the excitement, unable to listen to her intuition, going into things too quickly.

[13] This confirms that statement. Taylor’s intuition is telling her that they are getting too reckless in their glass closeting, but she is having too much fun dancing, despite the limitations, to really listen to it. And this is where the Kissgate imagery comes in, because with Josh Kushner (Karlie’s insurance) literally standing right behind them the whole night, the 1975 concert becomes the perfect (and public) representation of this, which is perhaps why Taylor chose dancing as a metaphor to begin with:

I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us14

So, baby can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche?15And

Say, say that we got it?

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted16

Oh, ‘cause it’s gravity

Oh, keeping you with me,17 I–

[14] Here Taylor displays some awareness that outside circumstances had quite a lot of a role to play in the end of her relationships. This especially reminds me of how she framed her relationship with Dianna in Wonderland. It is no one’s fault. It is the circumstances of their relationship, and yet, despite that, they “pretended it could last forever.”

Taylor admits this, too, in the 1: “If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today?” To me, this implies that it was not their incompatibility that broke them up, but the one circumstance of the setting of their relationship (whether it being gay – think Taylor’s laments in The Man – or them both being celebrities, you take your pick).

[15] So, with the things that drove her and Dianna apart in mind, Taylor returns to the metaphor of the snowglobe from You Are In Love (“You two are dancing in a snow globe, round and round”), which itself is another representation, like the fishbowl, of a glass closet. Here, Taylor asks Karlie if they can keep dancing once the snowglobe is shaken and the snow starts flying. Think again of the metaphor of the New Year’s Eve party – Taylor associates their early glass closet relationship with snow and frozen-ness because thoughts of Dianna were still lingering, even up to this point. Even in little tiny frozen flakes, the water was still there.

[16] I think this line may refer to a conversation between Karlie and Taylor before Kissgate, where Taylor voiced these fears, a “mess” of anxiety, and became scared Karlie would leave her (think The Archer).

This could also refer to Taylor still being “a mess” about Dianna when she got together with Karlie.

[17] Karlie is the sun. Taylor is merely orbiting. Throughout this song, the implication is that Taylor has been listening to Karlie, taking cues from her, following her plan, despite her own intuitions. Think hoax – “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” – despite the games Karlie and Taylor were playing early in their relationship, and despite Taylor still having feelings for Dianna, Taylor fell for Karlie harder and faster than Karlie fell for her, and most likely this was why she jumped in headfirst without listening to her intuition.

[Pre-Chorus and Chorus repeat]

I’d kiss you as the lights went out18

Swaying as the room burned down19

I’d hold you as the water rushes in20

If I could dance with you again

[18] Reference to the supposed kiss during the 1975 concert. Now, while I don’t believe there was actually a kiss that night, I think here Taylor is lamenting that, in her regrets and in her mind, she wishes she actually had kissed Karlie openly that night, as the rest of these metaphors are merely hypothetical.

[19] Okay, so here we go. Karlie as the “fire” time! Let’s look at this progression of lyrics that lead up to this song, not looking at when these songs were written, but just how the metaphor progresses:

This Is What You Came For: “Lightning strikes everytime she moves”

Dress: “And, if I get burned, at least we were electrifying”

Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight / tangled up with you all night / Burning it down”

I am not including Call It What You Want here and the most obvious metaphor, because that one clearly takes place post-#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.

Either way, it seems clear that Taylor saw their early relationship as something dangerous and electrifying, that the room “burning down” was an inevitability in Wildest Dreams (think Blank Space’s “So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames”). Here, it is almost implied that Taylor didn’t sway with her as the room burned down, that they both actively distanced themselves from “the room” and avoided getting burned:

[20] This line puzzles me the most, because immediately, in context, it reminds me of Clean, but clean wasn’t about facing media scrutiny with Dianna, Clean was about getting over Dianna. In Clean Taylor doesn’t hide away from the water the way she seems to have in the fire metaphor above. She let it wash over her.

Perhaps a case could be made that the situation of Clean was something that needed to happen due to media scrutiny, and that then here Taylor references getting ready to be separated from Karlie and get over her, but that doesn’t work because the line specifically says she’d hold her as the water rushes in. Same works for applying any sort of metaphor for it to Dianna.

However, I will admit that Wonderland’s “You held on tight to me / ‘Cause nothing’s as it seems / And spinning out of control” does paint a nice parallel to this lyric. Still, in Wonderland there was the difference of Dianna holding onto Taylor as things got out of control, whereas in this song, Taylor wishes she had been able to hold onto Karlie. This makes sense with the timeline, as Taylor didn’t consider herself “over” Dianna until nearly a year after their supposed February 2013 breakup date, and Style was certainly written somewhere in that year. Dianna kept trying to make things work, even after the article came out about them. Taylor wishes, in the aftermath of Kissgate, that she had done that too with Karlie.

So, perhaps, this is a metaphor for the fishbowl/snowglobe breaking? Certainly Kissgate shattered their glass closeting. The grieving theme of Clean could still work here, as Taylor grieves what was her relationship before that night happened, only this time the relationship doesn’t have to end, it just gets to evolve. If the glass closet breaks, the snow globe shatters, they would’ve been out of the closet. Taylor seems to regret that here, saying that, were she to have another chance, she’d come out with Karlie then, instead of the bearding with Calvin Harris that followed.

To me this also implies that this song was written with a lot of hindsight to that moment. We have no idea when this song was written, but I would guess it’s sometime in 2016 or late 2015, after Calvin entered the picture and Taylor was shoved back into the (non-glass) closet. I think that moment is what makes the most sense for why she would’ve been reflecting on Dianna so much, as she was back in a similar situation as she was when she was with Dianna bearding-wise.

So, in conclusion, I would say this song describes the beginning of the push and pull that would eventually break Karlie and Taylor up. Taylor looks back regretfully on the glass closeting and wishes she could return to those times, if not come out herself. Karlie, on the other hand, reveled in the glass closeting specifically because she had Josh as an airtight escape plan. Obviously this would all break them apart later, when Karlie chose that escape plan over dancing with Taylor again.

And then there’s the Dianna piece of it. In reflecting on her past relationship with Dianna, I think Taylor came to the conclusion (based on the parallels with Wonderland in this song), that Dianna would have also held onto her as the water rushed in. While I think it’s unlikely this would happen, the conclusion of Taylor’s fantasy here seems to imply that Dianna would’ve been more open to coming with Taylor in the way Karlie could/would not so in conclusion… Dianna is the red rose in the lakes confirmed?

I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah we love without reason

[1]

Wildest Dreams: “I said ‘no one has to know what we do’”

Ready For It: “I-island breeze and lights down low / no one has to know”

Dress: “Our secret moments in a crowded room / They’ve got no idea about me and you”

King of My Heart: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

So first line = about Karlie.

[1]

illicit affairs: “It’s born from just one single glance / but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times”

I haven’t been through illicit affairs thoroughly enough yet to confirm that it’s about Karlie, but I would say the song leans that way.

So, with that in mind, this line could refer to either Dianna or Karlie, but I’m going to go with Dianna, based on the line that follows:

�� Oh, twenty five years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

[1] Taylor was twenty five when Kissgate happened. However, Dianna was also both twenty five when she started dating Taylor, and twenty five when Shirtgate happened. I think this line could be taken as her talking to either herself or Dianna.

My love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know? I-

Okay, there is so much work that metaphor is doing in these three lines here, so let’s go through them one by one.

[1] Ice and frozen-ness as a theme doesn’t really show up until reputation. However, knowing that Dianna is often associated with water/a storm throughout Red and 1989 makes this line interesting. On one hand, Taylor could be saying here that whatever water/storm that was her love for Dianna had stopped moving, which is backed up by the fact that throughout the Speak Now album, Taylor refers to someone being “cold” when they are at a low point, or a relationship is dying.

On the other hand, there’s the whole metaphor of the “fishbowl” from the Lover music video and that being a representation of glass closeting.

Taylor confirmed that this room represents the 1989 Era.

Because of this, the water metaphors get a little tricky, ESPECIALLY as it connects to the songs New Years Day and Paper Rings, because an icy pool also shows up in those stories:

Paper Rings: “In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool / When you jumped in first, I went in too”

New Years Day (and by extension, Paper Rings) are about Calvin Harris, who she was dating at the time this story takes place.

Taylor lied about this pool story. It isn’t real, but it IS a metaphor.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: “It was so nice throwing big parties / Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea”

[2] As we know from the song Red, losing Dianna the first time was a blue like Taylor had never known. While many people say blue is a romantic color representing Karlie/Joe, I don’t think this origins of the theme can be ignored, especially since Taylor brings the red/gold metaphor throughout even her most recent work. The “but” in the line is also doing a lot of work here, referencing some sort of contrast between the blue and what happens next. This gives this line two interpretations:

Taylor was still feeling the blue of losing Dianna when she met Karlie, but started dating her anyways.

Karlie herself was blue over something, but still found it in her to paint Taylor gold anyways.

I’m inclined to believe the first interpretation, as that lines up the most with the idea of Taylor’s love being frozen.

[1] Here Taylor repeats the sentiment, only this time referring to herself. To me, this means that the first “25” was indeed referring to Dianna, which I think confirms that the events of Kissgate made Taylor look back either on her relationship with Dianna and how it started OR, possibly, Dianna’s experience during Shirtgate, where afterwards she had to be shoved far back in the closet.

This makes there a parallel set of questions here:

How were you (Dianna), at twenty five, supposed to know what would happen if you dated me/wore that shirt onstage?

How was I (Taylor), at twenty five, supposed to know that my glass closet with Karlie Kloss, who had healed my hurt from Dianna, was going to come crashing down so quickly?

Could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

[1] While some wild Kaylors think this may refer to an actual locket, I think more likely this is a reference to glass closeting, as it is immediately juxtaposed with the image of someone’s (Karlie’s) hands in her pockets. This is a specifically physical gesture, and one that can be seen by other people. What is hidden is the romantic aspect of it, which is represented by the one locket Taylor can’t wear (a good metaphor considering she has matching necklaces with all her beards). This is the reality in which Taylor wanted to spend forever.

[2] What I think is most interesting about this section of lyrics, though, is that it seems to imply Karlie was telling Taylor everything would be fine, despite Taylor worrying that what happened with her and Dianna (gossip mags outing them and them having to break up) would happen here. I think this is likely because Karlie’s one other big relationship, with Toni Garrn, was also done in a big glass closeting way, and Karlie was now with her (likely permanent) beard Josh. Karlie assumed things were going to be fine. Taylor, who had alternative bad experiences that ruined her relationship with Dianna, had a bad feeling.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it

I had a bad feeling

[2] This is nearly the exact same phrasing as in Ready For It: “Island breeze with lights down low, no one has to know.” The connection between those lyrics and this song implies that the events preceding Kissgate were still early in their relationship (more proof that there was some overlap with Dianna).

The word “scared” here also continues to play into Taylor’s obsession with deconstructing Christian/religious imagery (ex/ Don’t Blame Me).

[2] Once again, this suggests Taylor is looking back on her relationship with Dianna here. She knows there is no one in the world who can take it, because she’s already been through it with someone else. So, when whispers started up before Kissgate (keeping in mind Taylor’s team probably knew as soon as the L Chat started talking about them), Taylor could feel things start to go downhill again, despite what Karlie said.

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time, first time

Yeah we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing

[2] This imagery is so connected to the “invisible locket” in the first verse. I do not believe the first chorus refers to Kissgate specifically (I agree with Cam’s assertion on the podcast that Kaylors have this big tendency to assume Taylor is speaking about public moments in her songs). Rather, I think them “dancing with their hands tied” refers to having a relationship while glass closeting. They are doing something fun and wild, but not quite free, still limited in certain ways. However, after keeping her relationship with Dianna so (relatively) private and it still falling apart, I can see how glass closeting so openly with Karlie would’ve felt like “dancing” in comparison.

[2] Here again is the implication of naivete. Taylor knows it is not the first time. She has experiences that tell her this is not wise, and indeed her intuition is saying the same, and yet she is acting as if she has learned nothing from her relationship with Dianna, or even Emily, for that matter. Once again, think back to Wonderland: “Didn’t it all seem new and exciting? / I felt your arms twisting around me / I should’ve slept with one eye open at night.” Taylor has already been through this with Dianna, caught up in the excitement, unable to listen to her intuition, going into things too quickly.

[3] This confirms that statement. Taylor’s intuition is telling her that they are getting too reckless in their glass closeting, but she is having too much fun dancing, despite the limitations, to really listen to it. And this is where the Kissgate imagery comes in, because with Josh Kushner (Karlie’s insurance) literally standing right behind them the whole night, the 1975 concert becomes the perfect (and public) representation of this, which is perhaps why Taylor chose dancing as a metaphor to begin with:

I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us

So, baby can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche? And

Say, say that we got it?

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted

Oh, ‘cause it’s gravity

Oh, keeping you with me, I–

[3] Here Taylor displays some awareness that outside circumstances had quite a lot of a role to play in the end of her relationships. This especially reminds me of how she framed her relationship with Dianna in Wonderland. It is no one’s fault. It is the circumstances of their relationship, and yet, despite that, they “pretended it could last forever.”

[3] So, with the things that drove her and Dianna apart in mind, Taylor returns to the metaphor of the snowglobe from You Are In Love (“You two are dancing in a snow globe, round and round”), which itself is another representation, like the fishbowl, of a glass closet. Here, Taylor asks Karlie if they can keep dancing once the snowglobe is shaken and the snow starts flying. Think again of the metaphor of the New Year’s Eve party – Taylor associates their early glass closet relationship with snow and frozen-ness because thoughts of Dianna were still lingering, even up to this point. Even in little tiny frozen flakes, the water was still there.

[3] I think this line may refer to a conversation between Karlie and Taylor before Kissgate, where Taylor voiced these fears, a “mess” of anxiety, and became scared Karlie would leave her (think The Archer).

This could also refer to Taylor still being “a mess” about Dianna when she got together with Karlie.

[3] Karlie is the sun. Taylor is merely orbiting. Throughout this song, the implication is that Taylor has been listening to Karlie, taking cues from her, following her plan, despite her own intuitions. Think hoax – “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” – despite the games Karlie and Taylor were playing early in their relationship, and despite Taylor still having feelings for Dianna, Taylor fell for Karlie harder and faster than Karlie fell for her, and most likely this was why she jumped in headfirst without listening to her intuition.

[Pre-Chorus and Chorus repeat]

I’d kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I’d hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

[3] Reference to the supposed kiss during the 1975 concert. Now, while I don’t believe there was actually a kiss that night, I think here Taylor is lamenting that, in her regrets and in her mind, she wishes she actually had kissed Karlie openly that night, as the rest of these metaphors are merely hypothetical.

[4] Okay, so here we go. Karlie as the “fire” time! Let’s look at this progression of lyrics that lead up to this song, not looking at when these songs were written, but just how the metaphor progresses:

This Is What You Came For: “Lightning strikes everytime she moves”

Dress: “And, if I get burned, at least we were electrifying”

Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight / tangled up with you all night / Burning it down”

I am not including Call It What You Want here and the most obvious metaphor, because that one clearly takes place post-#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.

[4] This line puzzles me the most, because immediately, in context, it reminds me of Clean, but clean wasn’t about facing media scrutiny with Dianna, Clean was about getting over Dianna. In Clean Taylor doesn’t hide away from the water the way she seems to have in the fire metaphor above. She let it wash over her.

#dwoht #analysis #amazing long analysis #submission

19 notes · View notes

klaineccfanficlibrary · 5 years ago

Note

Any good canon complacent Klaine fics when they have great communication. Any season but please be super canon complacent. It could be after getting married, after the Scandels night in the first time, talking about Kurt moving to New York, talking after Finn dies. I’d also prefer it if it doesn’t have a lot of dialogue directly from the episode in it. I’m a slut for communicating Klaine.

There are so many Klaine fics that are canon compliant and provide great communication. I suggest that you take a look at our reaction fic tag. If there is a specific episode that you delve into further, you should definitely check out master episode related works at @todaydreambelieversfic.

trufflemores_Glee_fic, Flowerfan, and Flaming Muse are authors who write many fics similar to what you are looking for. Note: some of their fics are AUs so be sure to check out the tags and the story summary.

There are 30 fic recs under the cut. This post is a collaborative effort between Lynne, myself, and @klaineship2. A special thanks to @klaineship2 for helping me out.

- HKVoyage

Snapshots by @borogroves

August 27, 2044. They say a picture paints a thousand words… and Kurt and Blaine have a whole scrapbook.

~~~~~

Klaine Season 6 Reaction One Shots by MrsCriss2012

Every week I will add a new Klaine reaction fic/ one shot/ scene I wish we had been given in the episode. Short, sweet and with NO KAROFSKY in sight, just Klaine. Rated M just in case!

~~~~~

Forevermore by lostinfictionalworlds

A collection of drabbles not in any particular order, based on our favorite couple’s life after 6x13.

~~~~~

Works in Progress by iliketowriteaboutklaine (rebeldawgspirategirl)

After saying their vows in November, follow Kurt and Blaine through the adventure that is their first year married. Follow them through the ups and downs that accompany them from a fight to Blaine being accepted into NYU to moving back to New York and everything in between.

~~~~~

The Problem With Counting by @flamingmuse

Just because it’s something they did doesn’t mean it’s something they do. Set soon after 3x05 (“The First Time”)

~~~~~

In Want of Magic by trufflemores_Glee_fic

3.01-4.01. “I just want my senior year to be magic.”

~~~~~

Can we try? by Daisyishedwig

Kurt and Blaine finally talk after the elevator

~~~~~

Honeymoon Holidays by @flowerfan2

Kurt and Blaine’s first winter holidays together as a married couple fall so quickly after their wedding that sometimes they almost seem like a continuation of their honeymoon. But not always.

A story in the “Season 7” series that looks at events in the early married life of Kurt and Blaine, written in connection with the 2015 Klaine Advent challenge. The name of each chapter is the prompt.

Note: Part 13 of Season 7 future!fics

~~~~~

A Conversation from an Alternate Universe by @flamingmuse

In some alternate universe, this conversation happened between Kurt and Blaine.

diverges from canon during 4x22 (“All of Nothing”)

~~~~~

The Architects of Life by misqueue

Follows the development of Kurt and Blaine’s relationship in the canon timeline from 3x05 “The First Time”.

Note: Also check out the Scenes During the Break Up series.

~~~~~

Opening Doors: Five ‘Missing’ Scenes from Glee 4x14 by @flamingmuse

Five ‘missing’ scenes between Kurt and Blaine from Glee 4x14 (“I Do”)

set within 4x14 (“I Do”), with no spoilers beyond

~~~~~

Easier by @flowerfan2

2x14 reaction fic; part of a series of Season 2 reaction fics. Kurt and Blaine talk after Rachel kisses Blaine in the Lima Bean.

Note: Part 4 of the Glee Season 2 Reaction Fics series.

~~~~~

All The Glory Of by robotsfighting

“I’m going to worry later, but right now I’m too happy for you.” (Set during 2.18, Born This Way. After the meeting with Figgins, Kurt comes back to Dalton and finds Blaine to tell him about what happened.)

~~~~~

Your Heart On Your Sleeve by @flowerfan2

2x18 (Born This Way) reaction fic. Kurt shows Blaine his “Likes Boys” shirt and wonders what Blaine would write on his.

Note: Part 7 of Glee Season 2 Reaction Fics series

~~~~~

The Other Half of the Equation by @flamingmuse

Blaine turns Kurt’s life upside-down over a tiny, bejeweled coffin. Scenes of two boys in love.

Note: Part 3 of the Sum-verse series.

~~~~~

After the Last Dance by @flamingmuse

The last dance is over, and the boys go home. Episode tag for 2x20 “Prom Queen”

~~~~~

I Always Believed In Futures by robotsfighting

Kurt and Blaine have the conversation about New York. Blaine remains bad at timing things. Kurt continues to benefit from that.

~~~~~

Collect the Moments One By One by skintightsocks

“Stop freaking out,” Blaine says softly, his fingers stroking at Kurt’s cheek for a second before he blushes and drops his hand. “I just mean that I’m sorry I said it like that. Just out of the blue, at The Lima Bean. Not exactly the height of romance.”

~~~~~

Perhaps by aspiringtoeloquence

Takes place after the events of 3x03. The aftermath of the episode - Blaine and Kurt aren’t exactly experts at this whole healthy relationship thing yet, but they try, and that’s half the battle.

~~~~~

Celebration by @flamingmuse

Blaine was thrilled beyond belief, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to be.Episode tag to 3x03.

~~~~~

(Not) The Same by @flamingmuse

The Lima Bean, Monday afternoon. Episode tag for 3x05 (“The First Time”)

~~~~~

The First Rule by @flamingmuse

Sometimes when it comes to himself, Blaine subscribes to the first rule of Fight Club. Set within 3x08 (“Hold on to Sixteen”)

~~~~~

Sharing Is Caring by Lexie

Blaine and Kurt finish their couples counseling conversation in the guidance office and go forward from there.

Also, there are pamphlets.

~~~~~

Over Boxes by missmichellebelle

“I’m going to miss you.“ Blaine’s voice fails him, and his lower lip trembles as he continues pressing the heel of his hand into his eyes.

~~~~~

If the Fates Allow by @flamingmuse

Blaine is feeling a lot of things. He adds cold to the list. canonical, set just after 4x10 ("Glee, Actually”), no spoilers beyond

~~~~~

Socks in a Box by @wowbright

Kurt helps Blaine pack and gets flustered by his sock collection. Or, sometimes the most frustrating thing about a relationship is yourself. New New York (5.14) episode reaction.

Note: Part 12 of the Glee Season 5 episode reactions series

~~~~~

Future Imperfect by @wowbright

I woke up way too early on Wednesday morning, unable to fall back asleep. So I wrote a fic that explored what might have happened after Blaine’s break-up with Dave in “Transitioning” (6.07) to get Kurt to the point where he’s ready to get back together with Blaine in “A Wedding” (6.08). Thanks to anon for prodding me to think about the details; redheadgleek for offering an important plot point; damnpene, nachochang, chiasmuslovesme and judearaya for handholding; likearumchocolatesouffle for SPAG and wisdom; thetalkingmalibustacydoll for enthusiasm about Blaine and awkward-but-heartfelt safer sex talks; scalpelsarefun for enthusiasm about safer sex talks in general; and lizinprogress for not being satisfied with what she got.

Note: Part 14 of Glee Season 6 Episode Reactions series.

~~~~~

After All by lovetheblazer

Fluffy Klaine reaction fic for 6x08 “A Wedding” This is the conversation that takes them from boyfriends to newlyweds.

~~~~~

With a million dreams to fulfill by ColorblindCity

The morning after the wedding, Kurt and Blaine talk about living arrangements, last names, what went wrong before and what they will do to make things work this time around.

~~~~~

Above and Beneath by pene

An interrupted honeymoon - conversation and dreamy married sex looking out on the Atlantic

#klaine #klaine fanfic #klaine fanfiction #fic finder #gorgxoxus #reaction fic

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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So far, how has summer been treating you? Blah. I really don’t like summer, it’s just hot and miserable and adds to/intensifies my already crappiness. It’s just not a good time. The only good thing are the times I’m able to go to the beach. When was the last time you had a slushie? I have no idea. It’s been quite awhile. Is there someone you miss right now? There’s a few people I’ll always miss. How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? Zero. Do you prefer sticky notes or cork boards? I have a bulletin board and marker board. I use my marker all the time to put appointment card reminders and write important dates on and stuff.

What was the last movie you watched online? Like through something like Netflix? It was a Marvel movie I think, but I forget which one. It was awhile ago. Is there much drama going on in your life at the moment? Not drama, just other shit. Are you graduating this year? I graduated college in 2015. Do you feel like doing something radically different with your hair? I just need to get it dyed again and trimmed. I’ve also been considering possibly getting bangs again, but I don’t know. Are you in a relationship? No. Did you ever think your cell was vibrating when it wasn’t? That’s probably happened before. The last person who added you on Facebook, did you accept or decline? I think it was some random person, in which case I declined. Are you at all interested in America’s Next Top Model? I’ve watched a few seasons here and there. I watched the last 2 most recent ones, and I’d watch a new season if they decided to make another. What did you last take a picture of? My doggo. Would you like to learn another language? I’d like to be fluent in Spanish. I should start practicing it again. What type of earphones/headphones do you own? I just have the Apple ones that you get when you get a new phone. I really want to get a pair of Beats. Your portable musical device (mp3, iPod, etc): How old is it? I use my phone for music, which is only less than a year old. Do you own a pet that most would consider different? No. Have you ever wanted to travel to Germany? Sure. When was the last time you used scissors? I don’t recall. What’s your favorite kind of perfume/cologne? I like fruity/sweet ones, but also ones with patchouli. As for colognes, I love cedar wood and sandalwood. Is there a movie coming out that you would like to see soon? I want to see that movie, Don’t Let Go that just came out, but I’m really looking forward to seeing It Chapter 2. Do you love buying shoes? I’m not super big into shoes, but my thing is shirts. Do you bother making your bed everyday? It’s always made because I sleep on top of the comforter and just use a throw blanket. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed yet? Yeah. Have you ever been drunk and regretted it? Yeppp. Do you like to do anything artistic? Coloring is about as artistic as it gets for me. What did you last cook for yourself? Ramen. Has anyone ever called you a “pipe dreamer”? No. Who was the last person to text you? My brother. Think back to your last kiss, did you enjoy it? Yeah. Are you even slightly addicted to applying lipgloss or lipchap? Nope. Do you ever make fun of your own country? Certain things sometimes. What Internet browser do you use? Chrome. Do you consider yourself to be spoiled? You could say that. I just hate that term cause I feel like it has such a negative connotation to it. What song are you listening to right now? XO TOUR Llif3 by Lil Uzi Vert. Are you comfortable giving random hugs? No. I’m not one to initiate a hug except for with my mom. Or my doggo, ha. Who did you last argue with? More like bickering, but probably with my dad. Do you ever have conversations with your pets? Yep. Have you ever listened to the band Rammstein? I’ve heard of ‘em, but no I don’t think I’ve heard their stuff. Do you have any plans for tomorrow? My mom’s birthday is coming up, so my brother and I are going to go get her presents. Who is your celebrity love? Alexander Skarsgard, duh. Are you more a Twitter person or a Facebook person? Twitter. Have you ever lost a best friend? Yeah, a few. Do you own an exercise ball? It’s not mine, but I think we have one in the garage. Xbox 360, PS3, or Wii? We don’t have a PS3, but we have a PS2 & 4, and I like to use the PS4 to watch DVDs or watch Netflix and Hulu. Are you messy or organized? A bit of both. I didn’t use to be messy, but my room has gotten a bit cluttered. Well, it’s not really what I’d consider messy, though... I just have too much stuff. What band / artist would you love to see live in concert? I’m sad I never got to see Linkin Park in concert with Chester. :( Are your nails painted right now? Nope. What was the craziest color you’ve ever dyed your hair? Red. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Ha, no. Does it snow where you live? No. :( Do you have any significant scars? I have a ton of scars. I don’t know if they’re “significant” or not, but yeah. Who last had their arm around you? My mom. Are you feeling deprived of anything? Yes. Have you ever been obsessed with working out? Nope. What color is the shirt you’re wearing currently? Black. Are you talking to anyone on an IM right now? No. What did you think of the movie Avatar? I really liked it. I can’t believe it’s taken so long for the 2nd one to come out. I think we still have another couple years. Do you collect anything? Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks and key chains. Have you ever feared the future? I do fear the future. What was your highest mark this year in school? Can you walk in 4+ inch heels? No. Is your significant other shorter, taller or the same height as you? I’m single. Is there a friend you would trust with your life? I trust my family with my life. Have you ever been purposely ditched? It felt that way. Do you live in a relatively safe area? My city isn’t the safest, but my neighborhood is. What was the last alcoholic beverage you had? I think it was a rum and Coke, but it was 6 years ago so I don’t really recall. Is there someone you know who is obsessed with Call of Duty? No. Is that even still a big thing now? Have you ever looked into the mirror and hated who you saw? I think that anytime I look in the mirror. I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible. Is there a piece of jewellry you always wear? No. I haven’t worn any jewelry in like 4 years. When was the last time you saw your significant other? Sigh. What was the longest conversation you’ve had with a person? Several hours. How many purses do you own? 8, but 1 is a mini backpack I use as a purse sometimes and another is a fanny pack. Is there something you should be doing right now? Nah. Do you wish on 11:11? No. What’s your opinion on the Gulf oil spill? Is it hot in the room you’re in right now? Ugh, it’s a bit warm. Can summer please be over?? Are you one of those people who are always rearranging the furniture? I never do that, and if I wanted to I’d need someone else to do it for me. My room is small, so there’s not much rearranging that could be done anyway. Do you listen to any music that’s really old? I like a variety of music from different decades, going back to like the 50s. Are you a fan of the LA Lakers? I don’t care for sports. When the last time you were upset and weren’t exactly sure why? I feel that way a lot. I mean, usually there’s a reason, like an accumulation of ongoing things, or something in specific, and then there’s the depression, but sometimes in the moment I’m not sure what in particular is making me upset. I guess though it’s like I said, it’s just everything. Have you ever been somewhere tropical? No, but I’d love to go. Would you consider yourself to be a chocoholic? Not even a little. I’m really not big on chocolate. I’ll have times where I want something and then I’ll have it and be good for awhile. I haven’t had any chocolate in quite awhile, actually. Have you ever heard of Channing Tatum’s website Post The Love? Nope. Do you know anyone who’s currently pregnant? Someone on my Facebook. Are you a fan of mix CDs? I used to make them all the time back in the day. Has anyone ever given you their business card? Yeah. What is your dream job/career? I don’t have one. Do you have a friend who’s naturally a redhead? No, but I have a cousin who is. Have you ever had a one night stand? No. What time is it now? 7PM.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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thethinghouse-blog · 6 years ago

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Baby You Can Drive My Car...To My Museum: Sir Paul McCartney visits his family home, Forthlin Road

By Gudrun D Whitehead

Like millions of people all over the world, I recently watched James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke with Paul McCartney. Of course, I did. The first cassette tape I ever got was The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and I played it until the tape loosened. I will not admit to shedding a tear with Corden, but I can confirm that, for the first time in my life, I got a bout of hay-fever which lasted while they sang Let it Be.

Music, as McCartney said in response to the tearful reaction, has that power: it can make you emotional.

The same holds for museums, as was demonstrated when McCartney, for the first time since his teens, stepped into his family home, 20 Forthlin Road, which is now a National Trust property, open to the public. As a side-note, Forthlin Road is one of the few working-class residences managed by the National Trust, which mostly represents grand country houses.

The fame of its one-time resident seems to be enough to cross those class-based boundaries.

The same holds true for John Lennon’s childhood home, Mendips Road, which was bought by Yoko Ono, who donated it to the National Trust. Here are images of both locations.

Like numerous museologists, I am interested in historical house museums. Before getting any further into this blog-post, I would like to add that there is an existing body of work discussing them in an academic capacity. Including The Anarchists Guide to Historical House Museums, Mårdh (2015), Risnicoff de Gorgas (2001), and many more. I encourage interested readers to look them up (and/or wait for me to develop this research into an article in the future).

Historical house museums are quite a unique exhibition space. They represent spaces which are simultaneously alive and dead.

The previous inhabitant, deemed worthy of an exhibit, is always absent, represented by items (materiality) left behind. The space is usually made to look as if they have just stepped out of the room, thus creating the illusion of time moving forwards, of life in the house.

A great example of this is the final scene of the film Julie & Julia (2009), starring Meryl Streep as Julia Child. The camera pans into the kitchen (as can be seen here), protected by a rope-barrier, demonstrating that this is a museum space and therefore different rules apply than in a normal kitchen. As the light in the room changes, the camera pans in through the looking-glass. Julia Child herself walks in and starts cooking. This is exactly the same kitchen, except the tea towel and tablecloth are slightly wrinkled and the tools on the wall are, perhaps, a little more chaotically displayed. This demonstrates the minor differences between living (lived in) spaces and dead (exhibition) spaces. The latter are polished but correct representations of reality. The Smithsonian's actual recreation of Child's kitchen is, much the same as in the film, a polished version of reality.

Recreation of Julia Child’s kitchen at the National Museum of American History, Washington D.C. Photograph by dawnmichele and used under a Creative Commons license.

Yet, understanding the difference, historical house museums might leave the tea towel wrinkled, further blurring the lines between private and public. This gives the stronger impression that the owner, having just stepped out, might reclaim the room at any given moment, making the museum visitor an interloper or Peeping Tom, as though they are gaining an almost illicit look into private lives.

This is core of historical house museums: they freeze that fraction of a second, where the owner is just beyond the door, ready to come in, yet never does.

Except, as with Child, McCartney did return. Welcome to Wonderland.

This atmosphere is what fascinates me about historical house museums: the recreation of almost-life. It functions much like realistic mannequin displays: the horror and fascination lies in their unnerving resemblance to life. At any given moment, the mannequins might look back at the visitor. A great example of this is the sensationalized silicone figures at the Saga Museum, depicting people and events from Icelandic sagas and history. An exhibition which I delve into further in an article to be published later this year.

As you walk through the space, it is easy to forget if you are the viewer or the one being viewed.

Þorbjörg Lítilvölva, from Eiríks saga rauða as represented by the Saga Museum. Image copyright: Saga Museum, 2018.

Þorbjörg Lítilvölva, shown above, demonstrates a meticulous recreation of a literary character (her possible basis in actual history is not part of this blogpost), through materiality, i.e. clothing, jewelry and background drawing. In historical house museums, the same is achieved very similarly, through household objects, clothing and more. The realistic atmosphere is deliberately created by museum staff. In reality, the objects are placed by someone else, and may, in fact, not always have been owned by the person/people being represented in the exhibition space.

As the National Trust verified in our correspondence, in the case of Forthlin Road, none of the interior furnishings, including the piano, are original but are similar in age and design as when the McCartney family lived there. Interestingly, the piano is kept in tune and visitors are allowed to play on it during their stay. This usually ends up in a sing-song (presumably predominantly of Beatles and McCartney songs) which lends life to the museum’s atmosphere. Paul’s brother, Mike McCartney, was vital when furnishing the flat; he also took the photographs on the walls, which helped when choosing the correct paint colours, wallpaper and flooring. The photographs are a paradox in themselves. On one level, they are there for the benefit of the visitor. They are a testament to the cult of Paul McCartney’s celebrity status, rather than the standard images that families frame. Yet they also provide an insider’s gaze into the Beatles’ life, because they were taken by Mike McCartney as he was learning to compose pictures with a 35mm camera. They are a private view into a public life.

According to the Liverpool Echo, Paul only specifically asked for one thing to be included; something to remember his parents by. The result is a wooden plaque above the front door, reading “In loving memory of Mum and Dad, Mary and Jim”. With personal and private memories of his family life, to Paul (and assumedly his brother) Forthlin Road is certainly a memorial to his parents as much as himself. For the rest of the world, it is a testament to the legacy of Paul and the Beatles. The birthplace of a legend. It is a time-capsule, carefully curated by exhibition staff, with a little help from the McCartneys.

The family does not need to be present in body; they are there through materiality.

What happens when the owner comes back? Do they reclaim the space as theirs, even if just temporarily, disrupting the timelessness of the exhibit? Are they visitors in this professionally created version of their past? Do they become the temporary curator or tour guide? That short clip of Sir Paul walking around his childhood home gave us an insight into such an event. And while I certainly enjoyed the singing in the car and the pub, this, to me, seemed like the most unique aspect of the journey.

I do not doubt that the custodian knew McCartney was coming to visit. Certainly her startlement could be explained as her being starstruck, something most of us can understand. Yet, there is something more paradoxical about the situation, which she might have felt. Here he was, the absent collection object, the man himself, on the doorstep. The artificially created ‘absent but here’ atmosphere was broken. McCartney, knocking on the door as a guest, became the owner as soon as he stepped through the looking glass.

It was the ultimate Bakhtinian Carnivalesque moment, stepping over socially constructed boundaries, the merging of past and present, where anything is possible and permitted.

It all culminated in the moment that Paul McCartney looked out the window at his fans, recreating in the present, the first year of his rise to stardom. It disrupted the time-capsule and lent it credence. In other words, Beatlemania was really happening again. Paul McCartney stood in his family home, looking out at his admiring fans.

Sir Paul himself is aware of his status as a living legend. In a 2016 interview with Rolling Stone magazine, he referred to this, saying, “No matter what you hear, even the stuff that we thought was really bad - it doesn’t sound so bad now. Because it’s the Beatles”.

Indeed, nothing is void of value when in the hands of an artist.

Paul McCartney is part of a legacy influencing generations of people around the world. As his visit to Forthlin road showed us, if he stops at any one stop for more than a few minutes, he gathers a crowd. Yet even to him, it must have been odd to walk into his childhood home and find himself musealised within it. Judging by the clip, it did not take long for him to take charge of the situation and become the curator of his own memorialised, musealised life story. Over the years, the museum has gathered stories from both Paul and Mike, which are weaved into the tours, but even that is a reinterpretation of the original through the museum. In this episode of Carpool Karaoke, the ‘museum object’ (Paul himself) narrated its own story.

At the end of the visit, Paul McCartney hugs the custodian and leaves Wonderland. He has seemingly approved of the preservation and representation of his legacy, his roots.

The museum is returned to its former state of frozen anticipation.

My final note is about the Penny Lane street sign, signed by McCartney himself, seemingly rather offhandedly. I could not help but chuckle to myself when watching that scene unfold. Some of this was because of Corden’s joke that most people will assume the handwriting to be fake, perhaps underestimating the popularity of both McCartney and his own ‘carpool karaoke’ segment. Yet mostly I laughed at the conservational nightmare presented to the city. Would they now have to cut out a segment of the wall and preserve in a museum? McCartney seems to be using some sort of permanent marker on a sign painted (presumably using theft-proof paint) on a stone wall. I am not so familiar with conservation that I can say how long before it rubs off or is simply erased by avid fans touching and signing the sign themselves. Yet surely, it is an important part of the legacy: Paul McCartney is giving a nod to one of the Beatles’ most famous songs, Penny Lane.

Out of interest, I contacted various branches of Liverpool City Council to inquire about the fate of Paul’s autograph. Sadly, the Planning Department’s Building Conservation Team is unable to act, because the road sign is not listed. The Council’s Culture Team is also unable to act because they are led by the Planning Department. A helpful member of the Council discussed the issue with the Beatles Legacy Group, which also indicated that no action would be taken (i.e. they will ‘let it be’ - this pun needed to be included). The sign is already almost illegible due to fans visiting the site and writing their own names as close to Paul’s as they can. Somehow, the act of having their names close to his brings them closer to their idol. I can only conclude that once the sign is so filled with scribbles that the street name becomes hard to read, it will be painted over and the issue will be resolved with a blank canvas. Perhaps then we will have a sequel ‘Carpool Karaoke with Paul McCartney’ segment. That would surely require the City Council to list a piece of painted brick wall.

The ‘carpool karaoke’ clip has already had a positive effect on tourism in Liverpool. Because of it, people have flocked to the street sign and other locations to follow in Paul’s footsteps. I do not have information if this interest has trickled down to Forthlin Road, but one can only hope that Paul’s visit has revitalised and disrupted the quiet enough to increase tourist interest. I, for one, will certainly be in their number in the near future.

Gudrun D Whitehead, is Assistant Professor of Museology at the University of Iceland. You can find further details of her work and her blog on her website.

Gudrun would like to thank Dr Julia Petrov for her input, Jackie Crawford and Cerys Edwards of Liverpool City Council, Simon Osborne of The National Trust, and the Beatles Legacy Group for the information provided.

We accept submissions. Contact the editors at: [email protected]

#TheBeatles #PaulMcCartney #Liverpool #ForthlinRoad #historicalhousemuseums #PennyLane #CarpoolKaraoke #JuliaChild

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ruinedbygaysstylinson · 7 years ago

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hi there! i'm still somewhat new to this fandom but i'm familiar with bg and everything so i'm just wondering why people believe that liam is also stunting with cheryl? is he believed to be gay as well and this relationship with her and his baby is just another cover up? like i understand why people believe louis isn't really a dad but i don't see as much regarding liam? can you try and explain this??

Hi Nonnie!

First of all, welcome to the fandom. It’s a mess, but it’s our mess lol

I’m gonna be honest, when I first got this ask I had no clue where to start explaining just how fake Chiam is, and I wish I had a textbook answer for you. The best way I can put it is that literally everything about it makes no sense logically. None of it. Prepare for a lot of rambling.

Not sure how into the fandom you are, but if you’ve heard of RBB/SBB, they foreshadowed Chiam on Liam’s bday in 2015 at a show, using toothpaste labeled “Colegate” which is a nod to her first marriage, and the original babygate which had been labeled a couple months earlier.

As far as timelines go, Sophiam ended late October 2015. Charcole actually got married for the second time in mid 2014, and while her and her husband seperated in late 2015, they both wore their wedding rings into 2016, despite the fact that later it was hinted that Chiam began at the XF final in 2015. Chiam was announced in the exact same way every other stunt is: via an exclusive to Dick Wattpad from the Sun. Baby rumors started a couple months later, nearly 2 full months before the date Charcole supposedly conceived. During this time, Chiam made a few public appearances, all staged red carpets or pap walks, and they were never spotted together by fans outside of these. Charcole had a baby bump months before she was pregnant, and baited the media by putting her hand over her stomach in multiple events. After she became “pregnant”, Liam basically moved to LA and lived there for her entire pregnancy. He began partying, worked on his album, and acted like a single guy for the duration with no care in the world for Charcole. What a normal thing for a dad-to-be to do. They never officially announced the pregnancy, she just turned up obviously pregnant in December 2016, and then posed for Loreal with a massive bump on a campaign released in February. Her bump changed in sizes and height throughout the pregnancy, but she went into hiding so it was difficult to actual tell what was going on, which was 100% the point. The birth was announced via a single photo of Liam with a baby, despite the fact that usually moms pose with their baby. To this day, we’ve never seen the baby’s face, and Charcole has yet to show off her pride and joy. Privacy is one thing, but this is another thing entirely. If it wasn’t for Liam babbling on, you’d have no clue she had a kid.

So what are my issues with Chiam? First of all, her association with Satan Cowbell. They are besties. Judges together on XF, and recently I found out that she’s also an executive producer. Chiam was used to promote XF in late October with probably the cringiest moment they’ve had yet. If you hate Satan because of what he did to Louis/Harry, you better be concerned that Liam “willingly” shacked up with one of his friends.

Secondly, timing. Liam was planning a solo career. It’s been his dream for over 10 years. Why on earth would he decide to settle down in the middle of trying to launch his solo career, just months after ended a long term relationship? Basically this stunt forced him to “choose” between his career and his kid, which is NOT something that a loving partner would put you through. Charcole was also married until late 2016. If she was so desperate for a baby, wouldn’t it make more sense to have it with your husband rather than a guy 10 years her junior in a completely different stage of life? She’s old but she still has time. Literally everything about this relationship was set up to fail. Also, what exactly do they have in common? They moved so quickly that Liam never had to talk about her/why they are even dating. To me, the only things they have in common are that they were both in a band (with very different experiences..) and they have a kid together. Nice.

Thirdly, Charcole’s presence in his promo. In 2014 she released an album that flopped pretty badly because she really can’t sing at all her. Her fame came from her very public relationship drama and her association with XF when it was at the height of it’s fame. Her career is pretty much over and she’s most likely desperate for anything to reverse this progression. What better way to find new fans than to try and tap into one of the largest fandoms out there? Of course, she didn’t take into account the fact that we aren’t 13 year old girls with no brains, and therefore aren’t going to blindly stan her like people did with Sofa and Elk in the past. She’s ridiculously problematic as a person (she punched a woman in the face for doing her job and got convicted for assault, admitted to attacking her ex husband, dodged taxes via a shady company that closed in 2014 right when she turned up suddenly married to JB. The list goes on and on), and from what I’ve seen her personality stinks, so why would we support her? For the most part, people either dislike her or just don’t care at all. Bummer. Liam’s promo was the only way for her to get positive news out there about herself without her doing all the talking. Unfortunately for her, Liam went overboard and now people hate her just as much, if not more, than they did before this stunt. Just to be clear: normal celebs don’t launch their careers by constantly telling stories about their kid, s/o and hyping up their accomplishments from 8 years ago.

Fourthly, body language. This is a big one. Liam’s eyes in the very first selfie of them scared me to death because he looked so upset and resigned. Literally screaming for help with his facial expression. All along, the lack of intimacy between Chiam is pretty hard to dispute. They are not comfortable together at all, and I know some media sites called them out for faking affection on red carpets when they are distant in private in May 2016. Liam was a lot better at faking it last year as well, because he’s nothing if not professional. At XF this year, it was literally painful to watch them interact, and I made a post about that when it happened. Basically, as a couple they don’t have the familiarity that they should have considering all they’ve squeezed into less than two years. Liam also doesn’t talk about her fondly at all. If you pay attention, a lot of his comments just about her are negative: she scolds him, nags him, rolls her eyes at him, dresses him (in hideous pants, someone burn those), makes all the decisions about the baby, critcizes his music, etc, but at least she was famous back when he was 15 eh? (Them meeting at 14/24 when she was married for years is just another nasty aspect. She was in a mentor role and I’m disgusted she was okay with this stunt. It’s so wrong on so many levels.) Overall she sounds pretty awful to me, and that’s just based off of the picture Liam is painting.

And finally, the saga of Conchobear. The difference between actual celebrities having babies (think Beyoncé), vs Charcole is hilarious. No one ever saw her stomach when pregnant, she hid for months before and after the birth, and low and behold she popped back up with a new face! That’s the second 1D mom to get extensive plastic surgery when she should be caring for an infant. I seriously doubt she actually was pregnant, but that’s not something I’ll go into here. Liam was out working on his career a month after the announcement, and has been travelling pretty consistently since. He’s missed multiple important holidays; for example, on Father’s Day he flew from the US to Italy for a fashion show, and then back to the US. On Conchobear’s 6 month bday, Liam went out and did interviews. Do you really think that if Liam was an actual dad, he wouldn’t make every effort and move mountains to spend as much time as possible with his firstborn son? It just doesn’t make sense with what we know about Liam’s personality. He’s responsible, and he wouldn’t put himself in this situation. What he says, what we are fed, what he does, and what we know about him as a person don’t line up at all. Liam sounds like an amazing involved dad with his tales, but he lacks a basis in basic human development; his stories are cute and so unrealistic. Thus, Liam hasn’t spent any significant time with a baby. The entire stunt has been setting up single mom!Charcole, but Liam’s team has made sure to prevent her from calling him a deadbeat via the stories. It’s hard to say he was never around when he’s gushing about the kid in every interview. He’s also gotten worse at lying recently, and I get the feeling he’s tired.

So yeah, basically every aspect of this relationship is messed up in one way or another, and I’m expecting to see Chiam end sooner rather than later. If they are both out working on material, they won’t be able to hold it together imo. There’s definitely stuff I’ve missed and if any of my mutuals/followers want to add to this feel free. This is just stuff I thought of off the top of my head.

For specific examples of some of what I’ve mentioned you can check out the Twitter thread I linked below. It has some great resources and that account in general is amazing at breaking down stunt events. I’m also gonna reblog a post comparing Chiam to Zigi (another dead fauxmance) and Hiddleswift that is pretty interesting for you to look over.

https://twitter.com/EndBabygates/status/856439540831195137

Enjoy your stay in the fandom Nonnie. If you have any specific questions or need recommendations for who to follow, shoot me a message!

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kmalexander · 4 years ago

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2020 in Ten Significant Photos

Today is December 19th, also known as March 294th, around our house. 2020, man. 2020. I think we can all agree it’s been a terrible year. If not personally, then nationally and globally. And we still have twelve days left. Feels like it’s been forever and yet, somehow, no time at all.

The tradition around here dictates I need to assemble a post wherein I share ten photos from the year representing the most significant moments of my personal past 365-ish days. Normally, I look forward to this, but 2020 was tougher than most. This time around, I wasn’t so eager to ponder how the year went. I didn’t want to dwell on the events that have unfolded. But I did. And below is the culmination of that effort, for better or worse.

The rules are simple but firm, pick ten photos from your past year that are the most significant to you: positive or negative—significance can be found in either. But it can’t be more, it can’t be less. Some moments will have to fall by the wayside—and that’s intentional—culling is essential. It’ll help create a more realistic picture of your year. Some years will be harder than others, and sometimes you’ll need to discover significance in the smaller, quieter moments. The ten are irascible, and they’re relentless. It is the way.

So, enough talk! Let’s take a look at my 2020 distilled into ten significant photos.

The Multnomah Whiskey Library in Portland

We began our 2020 by going on a trip to celebrate Kari-Lise’s birthday. Ah, those carefree halcyon days. Feels like a lifetime ago. This time we took an extensive food-focused trip to Portland and Hood River, Oregon. It was easily one of the best trips we’ve taken together and a wonderful way to celebrate Kari-Lise’s birthday. We ate and drank and tasted so many incredible things. I had planned to put together one of my standard travel posts a few months after we returned, but 2020 had other plans. It’s odd to looking back. It feels like a different era.

Amberlynn being cozy. (Photo by my brother, Nick Alexander.)

Not long after our return from Portland, my brother Nick and my sister-in-law Hallie welcomed their second child, Amberlynn, into the world in February. With Liesel and Blakely arriving last year and Amberlynn this year, I now have three nieces that have all shown up in a very short time. Can’t wait to watch them grow up and spoil them rotten. I’ve yet to meet Amberlynn. (Details why in the next photo. You can probably guess.) But, I’m looking forward to the day I do.

Pandemic hair. Pandemic mask. Pandemic isolation.

So, the obvious one—the COVID-19 pandemic. I could wax poetic about everything that’s happened in the last ten months, but we’ve all been dealing with this. What can I say that hasn’t been said already by a thousand other folks? I am tired of staying at home. I miss my family and friends. At the same time, I know it’s the right thing to do, and I’m blessed that I have a job that allows me to do it. Please do what you can to stay safe and healthy. Be kind. Wear a mask. Social distance. Avoid groups. Get your vaccine when you can. All that stuff.

Not where you want to find yourself at 3AM

2020 was the gift that keeps on giving. Early in the pandemic Tyrant, one of our two old dogs (he’s fifteen!) started having breathing issues one Saturday morning, and we had to take him to an emergency vet. That turned into early morning calls and early morning trips to the pharmacy. The same weekend our other old dog, Suge (she’s fourteen!), had a cyst that burst on her back leg, so she ended up in the doggie hospital for minor surgery. Two dogs. Two hospitals. Many vets. All in the middle of a pandemic. It was an exhaustive and stress-filled four days. Thankfully, both dogs are doing well. Suge is back to her rambunctious self. Tyrant is still sleepy and lazy and gets to take doggy pills three times a day.

Welcome to the CHAZ

Black Lives Matter. I don’t know why that’s a difficult concept for some people to grasp. This summer was similar to summers in other parts of the country. Protests. Marches. Police action. Bits of violence. For a brief moment, Seattle had the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone and offshoot of the protests, which drew most of the country’s attention. The outgoing President might have declared Seattle an “Anarchist Jurisdiction” (whatever that means,) but the tales of chaos were greatly exaggerated and largely overblown. Ignore your weird uncle on Facebook. The CHAZ only lasted for a few weeks. Demonstrations there have largely faded away. But the BLM movement rightfully continues, and I don’t think it’ll stop until we see systematic change.

Kari-Lise in front of the titular Night Garden

Kari-Lise revealed Night Garden, her latest solo show at Roq La Rue, and it was wildly successful! It’s strange to have a gallery show in the middle of a pandemic. There was no official opening. No opening night crowds. No afterparty. But the show premiered online and ended up selling out. I feel like I broken record repeating the same thing I do every show, but I think this series was her best work ever. I’m incredibly proud to see how she continues to evolve as an artist. Can’t wait to see what she does next.

Pork chop sandwiches! (Technically pork butt, but references.)

So, I’ve always liked cooking, and this year was no different. If anything, this year I cooked even more, since I had more time at home. I feel like I dialed in my meat-smoking game and got a little better at baking (like everyone else, but I’m still not great.) This little BBQ sandwich was 100% made from scratch. Smoke pork butt. Steamed/Fried sourdough half-way buns. Homemade dill pickles. Homemade pickled onions. Stone ground mustard. Yes, it was delicious. Yes, I made it more than once.

Sunset on the Colvos Passage

In October, we briefly escaped one house to retreat to another. We rented an incredible cabin on Vashon Island, only a ferry ride away from Seattle. We spent a week on the island. We hiked, explored, cooked, relaxed, read a ton, soaked in a huge bathtub, took showers in an outdoor shower. I also took the time to revamp this website. And we were able to do it with proper social distancing! It was a chill and relaxing week away from the world and unplugged from a stressful news cycle. We loved it so much we are planning a return visit in January. So don’t be shocked if a similar photo appears in next year’s list.

I voted! You voted! A lot of us voted!

One of the wildest and most important elections in my lifetime happened, and what an election it was. Records were smashed. Norms were abandoned. Lawsuits were filed and quickly tossed out when no evidence could be presented except for wishes, hopes, and dreams. (Turns out wanting something to be true won’t make it true.) It was great to see so many Americans actively involved in the civic process. King County, Washington (where I live) had an 85% turnout, which I never thought I’d see in my lifetime. It made me really proud of my city, county, state, and country. Nice work, America. Let’s keep this trend of civic involvement going.

New floors and a fantastic built in room divider bookcase built by my pal Steve.

It’s hard to encapsulate this in a single image. Like much of the world, 2020 became the “Year of the House” for the Alexanders. This had been the plan for us before the pandemic set in, and we had been saving toward it for a while. We bought this place in 2010, which means we’ve been living in our house for a decade, and it was past time to put a little love back into the place. That means, among other things, new paint, new roof, new floors in several rooms, lots of love pour into the garden, new countertops, that fantastic bookcase in the picture above, and we’re in the middle of a bathroom remodel. It’s been awkward, stressful, and a bit odd at times juggling all this work with the pandemic, but we think it’ll be worth it.

In Conclusion

Looking back at everything that happened in 2020, I was surprised to find how much significance happened even while I spent most of my time here at home. The ten photos above don’t begin to cover everything that happened. My sister-in-law’s father, Tom, passed away, a dear man, and we could only send condolences from afar. Friends and family got sick, and not just from COVID. Pets passed away. People lost jobs. There were the forest fires and the awful weeks of smoke that blanketed much of the PNW. MURDER HORNETS.

But it wasn’t all awful events. New hobbies were found. New skills explored. Moth & Myth continued its wild growth and is leaping into a new phase of business. Friends published books. Friends made art. Friends had shows. Friends wrote new books and game systems. We all learned how to video conference (for better or worse.) There was good to be found even among the muck. I’m not going to miss 2020. It might have been an awful year, but it’s probably been one of the most notable years of my life.

So, how about you? What did you experience in 2020? What are your ten? Assemble them and leave a comment with a link! Let us all know about the significant events in your year.

Want to revisit my photos of past years? The experiences then seem almost charming now. Just click on any of the links below and check out my pictures from that specific year. I find it fascinating to watch subtle changes year over year.

2014 • 2015 • 2016 • 2017 • 2018 • 2019

Want to stay in touch with me? Sign up for Dead Drop, my rare and elusive newsletter. Subscribers get news, previews, and notices on my books before anyone else delivered directly to their inbox. I work hard to make sure it’s not spammy and full of interesting and relevant information. Sign Up Today→

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nikashepard · 7 years ago

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2.5D zDepth Animations Tutorial

Due to the popularity of this post, I decided to write a simple tutorial for whoever wants to try the same thing with their favorite game. This method will work with every title that supports ReShade and Depth Buffer (and pretty much every static image you want to animate).

What is ReShade?

It’s more or less a mod that alters the original graphics, adding in more effects (like lens flare), different tones and fixing bad looking edges.

What is the 2.5D/Parallax effect?

2.5D is a method used by many editors to animate a completely still picture, from simple sceneries to characters. This creates a sort of 3D depth on your pictures, used a few times by many professionals to bring famous paintings and advertisements to life.

Note: This tutorial is mostly about scenery animation faking a camera movement and adding in a 3D space between layers. For the Parallax animation on characters I’ll write a separate guide.

What you need:

• The game (duh) (in this case I’ll use Assassin’s Creed Syndicate as example) • ReShade (I find myself more comfortable with a previous version, because I somehow cannot achieve the same results with ReShade 3+ at the moment. This should easily work with the latest version too, but for any problem or if you want to follow the guide better, grab ReShade 2.0.4f from here) • An editing program like Adobe Photoshop, anything that allows you to separate parts on layers and fill empty areas. • Adobe After Effects

A basic editing knowledge is required, along with a good understanding regarding Adobe programs in general. If you make graphics and gifs you’re already a step ahead, but you actually don’t need to be familiar with AE to do the animation.

The tutorial will include four parts:

1) In-game screenshot w/ Depth activated 2) Editing/preparation for AE 3) Compositing 4) Animating

Part 1: In-game Screenshot with Depth Buffer

1) If you are using ReShade 3+ you can follow this tutorial regarding its installation, otherwise copy the ReShade folder, ReShade.fx and ReShade64.dll (or ReShade32.dll if the game is 32bit) into the main game path (where the exe is, so to speak), then rename ReShade64/32.dll as dxgi.dll.

2) With ReShade 2 go to ReShade directory > Presets > Default and drag Shaders_by_CeeJay.cfg into Notepad, then scroll down to the very last line where you see a shader called DisplayDepth. Next to #define USE_DisplayDepth change the value from 0 to 1. With ReShade 3 press Shift+F2 and look for the same name, if you properly downloaded it along with the other shaders of choice it will most likely be already activated. It is highly recommended to set a hotkey for this effect so that you can easily turn it on and off in game (for example, #define Depth_ToggleKey VK_F12).

3) Open Pipeline.cfg and look for the line #include EFFECT(CeeJay, DisplayDepth). Select it, cut it away and then paste it to the very top before any other shader listed. This will allow you to obtain smooth shapes instead of jagged edges (you should also play around with AA options, specifically SMAA and/or FXAA, both included in CeeJay.cfg). Sadly I’m not sure how the setup works in ReShade 3+.

4) Now that your options are properly set you can start the game. Find an area you like and want to shoot, then press F12 (or any other key you chose for it). If the game has a photo mode or custom made free camera tools, you should totally use those for the best results. You can check this post for a few listed titles and all their respective links.

ReShade allows you to automatically store your screenshots directly into the game’s folder by simply pressing the print screen key. This is how the scene looks normally, without UI and with the free camera activated.

This is what happens when you turn DepthBuffer on.

Note: If all you get with Depth is a fully white or black screen, chances are you need to “reset” by simply entering the fullscreen mode (and switch back to borderless/windowed if that is what you usually like playing with). ReShade usually reloads whenever you apply a modification to the settings, but if even after this the effect doesn’t show up it probably means the game has no DepthBuffer support (or there is some incompatibility somewhere, which may be related to other shaders).

Part 2: Editing

1) Grab your depth screenshot and open it with your editing program of choice, I use Photoshop. In order to animate this, you have to create different layers (renaming them for an easier use in AE, but that is up to you) being sure each hole is covered, or else the empty part will definitely show up in your animation.

2) Make a selection around the areas you want to separate, I’m starting with what is close to the “camera”. Try to be as precise as possible to keep most of the details, especially around the character. Once you’re satisfied with your selection press CTRL+X to cut it out and then paste it into the same position, a new layer for it will be automatically created.

3) If you hide the layer you’ve just made, you will obviously notice an empty shape on the background right where you cut it. The easiest way to fill that properly is by selecting the layer (CTRL+LMB on it), inverting selection and going to Modify > Fill > Content-Aware.

As you can see the empty area has been filled completely, but a few fixes are required. You can use the clone stamp tool or the healing brush, in this case I choose the latter because it makes the process quicker.

It can be a bit tedious in some places... especially if there are a lot of buildings or trees, depending on your scene. Photoshop covered the outline using the existing content to generate the missing parts as I dragged the brush over it, but you may want to use the clone tool as well and even draw here and there where the brush failed.

Repeat the process for all the other layers you want to separate and then rename everything to know what you’re gonna edit in AE (again, this is optional). You can also make the back layer bigger to hide imperfections behind the other layers, which won’t be too visible while animating. Further edits will be done in AE later anyway.

Part 3: Compositing

1) Save the PSD file and load Afer Effects. I’m currently using the CC 2015 one, but even if you have an older version this method will work without problems.

Go to File > Import > File and select your PSD.

Be sure the importer is set on Composition and Editable Layer Styles is checked, this is essential if you want to work on each layer.

2) Double-click on the left to preview the PSD and convert every single layer into 3D. To do so simply check the third square on the right, under the cube icon:

Now we need to add a Camera. Go to Layer > New > Camera and leave the options untouched (the default configuration should be okay for this).

3) Right under your preview you should see a button called Active Camera. Switch to Custom View 1 to move the layers and create depth between them.

All you have to do is select each layer in the lower panel and move it using the blue arrow (z direction) to push it backward or forward. Use the order you’ve got as reference for the best result, then change the view to Active Camera again when you’re done.

4) Now that you have changed the original positions you need to fix their size to fit the composition. Select all layers at once, press S and activate the little watch icon that appears followed by the effect name (Scale). You will see three values then; place your mouse over the 100,0% one and drag it to the right or left in order to resize the layer(s). Use the directional arrows to also move them up or down eventually.

The stopwatch is absolutely fundamental, because it tells where to place each frame in the timeline. Whenever you apply an effect or any modification you need to be sure it’s recorded at the very start, this way it will affect the entire sequence and you won’t risk to only see it taking action in a few frames later instead.

5) You can move the upper bars in your timeline to change the final time. A few seconds for this kind of animations will suffice, I always set it around 4s.

Part 4: Animating

1) Now we can finally animate, woo!!

It is highly recommended to make all the planes bigger than the composition, so that you can move them around without risking to get empty spaces. In this case we want to fake a camera movement with a sort of 3D perspective, like the gifs I’ve posted in that photoset.

Let’s start from the first layer. Click on it and press P (position) to store the current location on the first frame, then move the time indicator at the end of your sequence. I want the main layer to slide horizontally, thus I will move the red arrow on X axes.

As soon as your first animation is stored, another frame will be generated at the end of the timeline. After Effects automatically creates all the frames between the first and the last one, if you are happy with it select the second layer and do the same, then the third and repeat. You can also use the R (rotation) key to add more realism. Remember to ALWAYS check the stopwatch on frame 1 before doing anything else.

You can preview the animation with space bar, the rendering times change according to the amount of virtual memory installed on your PC.

For a nice camera shake you can follow this tutorial.

2) Once you’re happy with your animation you’re ready to export it. You can pick a simple video option, but that usually requires a second rendering in Sony Vegas or any other program for video editing to fix the bad-looking fps drop. I suggest you to export in frames instead, especially if you plan to make gifs. Go to Composition > Add to Render Queue, a new panel will appear on the bottom. Click on Lossless and pick PNG Sequence next to Format, then on Not yet specified (output to) and select a destination on your computer. Press Render, wait and it’s done! Again, the rendering times will highly depend on your RAM and composition size. The bigger, the slower; if you play in 4k you should reduce the screenshot size to a common 1920x1080 at least, even smaller after that for the final gif (tumblr has a 3MB limit).

Result:

Questions? Send me a note!

#my graphics #ac syndicate #assassin's creed syndicate #assassin's creed #jacob frye #tutorial #depth buffer #zdepth #after effects #animation #guide #graphics #camera shake #reshade #2.5d #2.5d animation #parallax animation #parallax effect

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cougardraven · 7 years ago

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Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.

Hello, Tumblr. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

This post will serve two purposes. First, a little history on why this is happening, where I’ve been, why I’m here. Second, a description of my attitude towards certain things regarding content spoilers.

Let’s call this the first post of what I will call “upkeep”, which means posts about the state of the blog. These will have no real content identification, they won’t be “about” any particular thing save the nature of the blog itself. They’ll likely be infrequent, much more than my actual posting will be.

So let’s get to it, then, shall we? (The following will be behind a cut, because it’s going to get long.)

I created this Tumblr in 2009. I didn’t use it very much for a while, but starting in late 2010 I used it more and more frequently, peaking in the summer of 2011. Then, I had to go away for a while. Personal issues of which some are aware kept me away from a computer entirely for about a month. Then, I picked back up in late fall, and from then on I used Tumblr heavily until about midway through 2015. From then until January of 2017, I posted rarely, and most of what I did post was reblogs of things I found interesting. At that point, a little over a year ago, I put the platform down. I didn’t feel like the platform was healthy for me in an ongoing way, so I walked away for most of a year. And what a year it was. People know this. America has been declining severely both in the eyes of the world at large, and in the eyes of the part of the populace that views the current executive administration to be a blight on democracy. Add to that a busier than ever work year, and several interpersonal issues for me to navigate, and even if I’d wanted to come back, I might not have had the time.

And so, enter the past few weeks. I’ve realized that my thoughts never went away. I’m always thinking about things, things to say and to write down, because my brain won’t ever really shut off. So I began thinking of a way to reactivate my Tumblr, so to speak, to give myself that platform. I could have used one of my old Blogger URLs, and if I stratify my content any, I still might, but for now, this was the best ease-of-use platform I had. So I spent a week, and did three things to start over from scratch. First, I unfollowed everyone I could, only refollowing people who I knew posted content of interest to me. Second, I blocked everyone, then immediately unblocked them, which had the side effect of forcing them to unfollow me, so I can rebuild from scratch. Finally, a few days ago, I deleted every single post I had made in nine years.

Why did I do that? It’s simple, really. The way this blog looked until a few days ago was...I don’t want to say troubling, but if I hadn’t planned on purging everything before, reading through it all certainly strengthened that resolve. I acted poorly in the past. I have had good things to say, to be sure, but I have also not reacted well to things. Namely my ongoing struggle with mental illness. I aired far more of that than really I think I should have, and it painted a picture looking back that I was actually displeased with. Adding to that memories of a time when I counted people as friends who I later grew apart from, to be charitable, it made sense to just wipe the slate clean and start over.

So, to that end: hello, Tumblr. My name is irrelevant, but you can call me Cougar Draven. I’m 30, almost 31, and I’m planning on using this space to air my thoughts about...really, whatever is on my mind at the given moment. I read a lot of comics, so it might be that. I listen to a lot of music, so it might be that. I immerse myself in politics and philosophy, so that’s on the table as well. Really, there’s no specific “thing” I’m focusing on, but I will touch on a great variety of topics as I consider them.

I probably won’t reblog much, because I prefer to just like posts. If someone posts a lot of interesting content, I may make a post suggesting that any followers I might have go check out that blog. Who knows. I may use this space to talk about my Youtube and Twitch activity, though that seems somewhat unlikely unless I start streaming heavily. So welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy it here.

Now, on to the second thing. It is the nature of this blog to be full of discussion about new-ish media. I see movies fairly frequently with a couple of my friends, I watch certain television programs, I read comics. As such, there will be times that things I want to say involve spoilers. So, very briefly, I will mark spoilers for content in tags initially. That, however, will stop on the first day of the calendar month which is two months after the release of said content, for movies, and the next week, for television shows and comic books, due to their weekly release schedule. I don’t see the need to keep marking spoilers any longer than that.

So, again, hello and welcome. I hope you find this to your liking.

#upkeep

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doomedandstoned · 7 years ago

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Papa Paul’s Groovy Reviews!

Our resident retroist is back to finish the year with a hot handful of hits for the tune toking delight of Doomers and Stoners alike! Give ear...

PAGAN ALTAR

The Room of Shadows by Pagan Altar (Official)

One of the many surprises wrought by the year 2017 was a new album from legendary English doomers PAGAN ALTAR, who fittingly saved their best for last. You may ask why I say "their last"? Well, sadly, their vocalist Terry Jones has passed away since recording this album. I say "fittingly," because everything the band had done to this day has been outstanding. The abstruse history of the band is a story in and of itself. I don't fully understand it, so I won't go too far down that rabbit trail. Suffice it to say, I've been following Pagan Altar from the moment their first album was pirated by an infamous bootlegger. I heard it was from the '70s, I heard it was from 1982. I always struggled with what to believe. One thing for sure, their official releases on shadow Kingdom Records are top notch and I recommend them to you highly, along with the rest of their catalog, which has (as the band's clippings rightly proclaim) influenced "a whole generation of doom-obsessed fanatics."

Pagan Altar are considered both a doom and NWOBHM band. I won't argue with either, as elements of both are surely alive in their music. What interests me most are the ever present elements of progressive hard rock strongly rooted in the band's genesis, circa 1978. Pagan Altar is often compared to Jethro Tull, owing to Terry's vocals sounding eerily similar at times to Ian Anderson and also to the boundary-pushing complexity of their songs. It is here, in 'The Room of Shadows' (2017 - Temple of Mystery Records), that those seeds of Jethro Tull sprout to life in a series of seven weird and wonderful creations. Truth be told, this is the kind of album I wished Jethro Tull recorded. I always wanted the band to be a mite heavier, overall (don't get me wrong, I loved them as they were). As I listen to The Room of Shadows, I can almost see Ian Anderson dancing around, flute in hand and posing on one leg, his knee held high. The only thing lacking is the flute! Pagan Altar achieve their progressive majesty with a happy marriage of guitar, bass, and drum.

Photo by Temple of Mystery

Apart from Jethro Tull, it's hard to find an apt comparison. At times, I hear hints of Tales of Creation era Candlemass, elements of Cirith Ungol in some of the heavier riffs, and plenty of Celtic folk music and poetry throughout, transporting the listener clear back to the early Renaissance. Such is the depth of writing and musicianship on display. If you only give this a casual listen, you will miss most of the album. The Room of Shadows should be -- nay, must be -- savored like a fine wine or, in my case, a deftly crafted beer. Let me tell you, friends, there are some meaty rifts just waiting for you to sink your teeth into (or your ears, as it were), but the riffs rightfully serve as foundation for the band's tell-tale melodies and harmonies, which are, as always, haunting.

Fans of newer bands like Beelzefuzz and Blues Funeral need to give Pagan Altar a spin. Maybe it's because the new Blues Funeral album was released just a day before this that I'm thinking of them. Though the two albums are separated by a span of 13 years, both conjure a similar vibe. You might say that Blues Funeral is America's belated answer to Britain's Pagan Altar. All comparisons aside, Pagan Altar's last record is a masterpiece, crowned with cover art that in a single frame so aptly pictures the artistic mood of the album and the band. I thought it might have been a repurposed painting from some classic English painting. No, this, as it so happens, is another stunning masterwork by Portland artist and doom metal musician Adam Burke.

One last note: the album was once slated for release under the title Never Quite Dead. Indeed, Pagan Altar's sound and legacy lives on, loud and proud, in The Room Full of Shadows.

Get It.

PANTANUM

Purple Blaze by Pantanum

Anyone in the mood for some Italian doom by way of South America? That's what we have with 'Purple Blaze' (2017), the latest EP from Curitiba, Brazil trio PANTANUM. Old farts like me will recognize this right away. The artwork confirms that this is, indeed, a tribute to legendary Italian doomer Paul Chain -- more specifically, a nod to his great album, 'Violet Art of Improvisation' (1989). Pantanum make a play on "violet" with the word "purple" and use a similar layout for the album art. It's a great to see a young band paying tribute to an old school legend, one that I'm sure is a new name for fans of doom who came here by way of bands like Sleep or Electric Wizard.

The two songs on the 7" are from the horror-style doom playbook the Italians were so famous for in the ‘80s and ‘90s. In fact, the 8-minute bonus track sounds like something you’d hear on a horror movie soundtrack, which is also the mood lit by Violet Art of Improvisation. If Pantanum got my attention with their first album, ‘Volume 1’ (2015), their follow-up EP has me all ears!

Get It.

THE SHELTER PEOPLE

The Shelter People -EP by The Shelter People

Fans of '70s acid rock are in for a real treat with this release. I give this a confidence rating of 100% on the authenticity scale for sounding like something from a lost FM radio transmission. THE SHELTER PEOPLE are from Tulsa, Oklahoma, but do a fine job of channeling the vibe of legendary blues-soaked acid rock bands from Japan, like Flower Travellin' Band, Blues Creation, Chinki Chen, Too Much, etc. I'm sure a good number of our readers don't know these bands I've mentioned, so a more accessible description of The Shelter People would be Black Sabbath meets Jimi Hendrix, heavy on the Jimi. This band is, in a word, tight -- excellent guitar work, riffs that are downright funky, and passionate vocals. This is the trip you're searching for.

Get It.

THE SONIC DAWN

Into the Long Night by The Sonic Dawn

I have to thank Billy for his allowing me to stretch what used to be normal strictly a stoner-doom webzine. I appreciate his wisdom and ability to see the correlation between the retro scene that was emerging a few years ago and that of the still evolving stoner-doom scene. I recognized this movement early on and have been feverishly documenting this return to roots movement ever since.

Fast-forward to present day and the retro sound is as fresh and vibrant as ever, with bands like Denmark's SONIC DAWN now carrying the baton. Their beauty of a record, 'Into The Long Night' (2017), landed #16 on the Doom Charts in April. I can't tell you how happy this made me. In all actuality, this isn't doom at all. No resemblance to Black Sabbath, no downtuned guitars, no thundering pounding of the drums. No, this is laid back, seventies-style psychedelic rock. The look, the feel, the attitude -- it's all there. Make no mistake, Sonic Dawn have captured something very special here, capturing the essence of the scene in psychedelic rhythms, swirling leads, and ethereal vocals. I personally find this music enjoyable in the early morning or late at night. If laid back psychedelia is normally your thing, consider that. This has probably been my most played album since its release.

Get It.

WATCHER'S GUARD

Watcher's Guard by Watcher's Guard

Riding over the hills of Glasgow, comes WATCHER'S GUARD armed with a doom-laden three song battering ram of a debut. I was blown away at first listen, so you can imagine there's some retro, old school, traditional doom action to be had here, with a slight touch of NWOBHM for good measure. Watcher's Guard are the doom masters. This EP covers just about every early subgenre of doom you can think of: biker doom, epic doom, slow doom, you name it. If you pinned me down to one band it most sounds like, I would have to say Revelation from Baltimore. But Watcher's guard is a bit more uptempo over all. The clear standout for me is track two, "The Ruiner." An epic just shy of 12 minutes long, this one is destined to be crowned a classic. It's easy to make the Candlemass comparison, but Watcher's Guard bring so much more to the table. The complexity of their songcraft, with psychedelic twists and turns, take you along for an heroic journey that runs you through the gauntlet of emotions. What will these four dark knights have instore for us in the future? Time and fate will tell. For now, the path to oblivion has been lit. Let's follow and enjoy the apocalyptic fireworks.

Get It.

WITCHERS CREED

Depths of the black void... by Witchers Creed

Earlier in the year, I introduced you to WITCHERS CREED, a doom-touched acid rock band from Katrineholm. We've been audience to the band's creative output with a pair two-trackers released months apart. With four superbly recorded songs to their name, I think have a pretty good read on the band now and have this suspicious feeling that they are trying to become my favorite band! That's no small statement, as you know how many killer bands I've reviewed and raved about in these pages over the years. Regulars know I am vigilantly scouring the globe in search of that authentic psychedelic sound that stole away my heart as a teenager and reporting on the unfolding saga of the retro revival in these pages. Witchers Creed are have been apparently drinking freely of the magical stream flowing through Sweden, from which springs one magical musical act after another. Nay, they are baptizing themselves in it. Even their instruments and gear bear the vintage stamp of the glory days.

I have been told I nailed down the Witchers Creed sound my review of their March release when I said they sounded like Mountain meets Sabbath meets your favorite underground seventies band. You can pick the loudest and heaviest of them, Witchers Creed is right up there with the best. They have perfected their craft with a powerful rhythm section, notable for its thundering basslines. The guitar leads are no less mind-blowing -- more than just short bursts, this soloing goes on and on, soaked with fuzz and venturing into Dave Chandler territory. You know, the master of feedback from Saint Vitus. These demented leads are brought sailing over the top by one groovy rhythm machine, accompanied by dual harmonized vocals. Imagine Leslie West of Mountain harmonizing with Gregg Allman of the Allman Brothers with wild occult lyrics, when suddenly the music stops and you hear the words: "You're all doomed!" Now that you have a visual idea of this band's irresistible charm, it's time for you to get plugged in yourself and give it a listen.

Get It.

ZEREMONY

Soul of the Zeremony by Zeremony

We're down to the last lap of 2017 and, suitably, also at the last letter of the alphabet. I think I can count just about all the "Z" bands I know on two hands. To call ZEREMONY a grower is not quite adequate, more like instantly addictive. 'Soul of the Zeremony' (2017) blew me away first listen. Yet it keeps growing on me every listen .

Photo Credit: Umsonst-und-Draussen Festival/Würzburg

You may remember hearing them as the captsone to That Seventies Compilation, which I organized last year. I heaped high praise on the the authenticity of their sound when they released that wonderful organ-driven demo that same year. Two of those three songs were deemed worthy of joining the fold of seven in this album of obscure, dark, and heavy organ-driven rock. Zeremony fit right in with my treasured favs.

Hailing from Würzburg, Zeremony seem to bear the influence of the Krautrock scene, which was erupted in the late '60s and early '70s and remains a stylistic pillar to this day. One band I hear as I listen to Zeremony is a band called Irish Coffee, just a few doors down from Germany in Belgium. They are similar in the heavy use of organ and gruff vocals. For modern comparison, try Golden Grass or Siena Root.

Listen for "She Sang a Song To Me." It is gloomy, yet earnest number with a sing-along chorus that would have all the makings of a hit single in the seventies. I've been raving about authenticity a lot in this piece and bands like Zeremony are setting a very high bar.

Get It.

#D&S Reviews #Papa Paul's Groovy Reviews #Doom #Metal #Stoner Rock #Pagan Altar #Pantanum #Siena Root #The Shelter People #The Sonic Dawn #Watcher's Guard #Witchers Creed #Zeremony #Doomed & Stoned

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silkclient90-blog · 5 years ago

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Universal Music Group Archivist: Vault Fire Damage 'Surprisingly Overstated,' But Any Loss Is 'Painful for Us'

For much of last week, Universal Music Group archivist Patrick Kraus sent members of his team into the ten vaults the company keeps around the world to verify the location and condition of its more than 3.5 million assets, from original session recordings to photographs. The world's biggest music company has been in crisis mode since the New York Times Magazine ran "The Day the Music Burned," reporting that a 2008 Hollywood, California, fire destroyed up to 500,000 master recordings, including historical originals by Chuck Berry, Muddy Waters, Aretha Franklin, Elton John, Guns N' Roses, Snoop Dogg, the Roots and many others.

The Times story brought unprecedented attention to a little-known part of the recording business -- storing and preserving masters, the "first-generation tapes," in Kraus' words, used as sources for vinyl, CD and digital releases. The Times described them as "the irreplaceable primary source of a piece of recorded music," which is why they're vital for ambitious reissue projects and indispensable for historians. They could also now be the subject of litigation: Prominent artists are considering filing lawsuits against Universal based on the destruction of their masters.

Kraus, UMG's senior VP of recording studios and archive management, didn't work at Universal at the time of the fire, but he spent part of last week reassuring panicked artists and responding to outraged music fans – and he explained to Billboard why the Times story "overstated" the losses. "Mind you, we've had two days!" he says. (Universal has allocated additional resources to Kraus' tem and established an email address for artists to communicate with the company about this issue: [email protected].) Kraus, who started in music selling records at Licorice Pizza in LA, worked in Warner Music Group's archives operation for 17 years before coming to Universal in 2015.

Universal won't say how many archival assets were lost in the fire at Universal Studios backlot, which at the time of the fire, Universal Music Group rented from NBC Universal. "There are constraints preventing us from publicly addressing some of the details," the company said in a statement. But Kraus, who spoke with frustration and wonky passion, discussed what he could about the extent of the damage and how the the label now archives the recordings it owns.

The Times story says the fire far worse than was reported at the time. Is that assessment fair?

Based on what we know, to me [the article] was surprisingly overstated. The article painted a picture of an archive being a place where every asset is a master – which isn't always true. In fact, it's never true. The things we collect range from reference cassettes, reference reels of tape, CD-Rs, production masters, multi-track tapes, flat-mix masters, EQ'ed production masters – it runs a gamut of items, formats and purposes.

Master tapes from the Universal Music archivesCourtesy of UMG

How many of the millions of UMG archival "assets" are considered masters? And how many are early-generation copies? And how important is that difference?

It's not always as simple as just saying, "Oh, we're going to do a reissue, give me the master tape." We look at everything we have. Sometimes the master source is not the best source to work from. Sometimes it's a "protection copy," because it's been played less, for example. It's a nuanced world we live in.

Can you characterize what was in fact lost in the 2008 fire?

There is no dispute that the fire caused serious loss, and we never said otherwise. Any loss of any asset, master or otherwise, is painful for us. What was lost? There are many things that were in these archives -- master tapes, protection copies, boxes of paperwork, etc.

The story suggests that masters for many major catalogs, from Chuck Berry to Aretha Franklin, were destroyed. Is that true?

The extent of the losses was overstated. Many of the masters that were highlighted as destroyed, we actually have in our archives -- the Impulse [Records]/[John] Coltrane stuff, Muddy Waters, [jazz pianist] Ahmad Jamal, [gospel label] Nashboro Records, Chess Records, to name a few. Those are some of the things we've gone through. Just in the last two days, we've found those examples in the archives.

What can you tell me about Building 6197, the facility where Universal stored its archival material on the Universal Studios lot back then, and how much damage was done in the fire?

All I know about that lot is what I saw as a visitor on the tour, to tell you the truth.

When did you go as a visitor?

I'm talking about the Universal Studios tour. When I lived in Burbank, in my Warner days, my kids were little, so we would go to the Nickelodeon Splash zone on a regular basis.

Master tapes from the Universal Music archivesCourtesy of UMG

Do you think Universal and other labels learned anything from the fire about how to protect archival assets?

Well, you know, it's 11 years ago, right? Anytime you have a fire -- any time you lose an asset -- it's a terrible event. We know we have to put these assets into secure facilities that have fire protection and we have to work quickly to preserve some of this stuff digitally to make sure it's around for the ages. Beyond that, I don't know that I could say we learned anything specifically from this particular event.

How much have you changed the archiving process since you started at UMG four years ago? How do you store masters and other assets today?

We have a mix of our own facilities around the world, and partner facilities, and that partner in many cases is Iron Mountain. We're pretty deliberate about geographic separation. We have things on the West Coast, in the center of the country, on the East Coast, in and around London, in the U.K., and various local vaults around the territories we operate in around the world.

The story quotes a source describing Iron Mountain, where Universal stores many of its master recordings in Boyers, Pennsylvania, as a "Raiders of the Lost Ark"-style warehouse that contains rows and rows of objects that are hard to identify. Is that true?

That was grossly overstated. Iron Mountain has been a great partner for us in terms of not only storage but also helping us to understand what we have better. Things are marked and we have databases that contain as much data as we've been able to capture around those assets.

Master tapes from the Universal Music archivesCourtesy of UMG

How much of an issue is finding an identifying recordings?

It's my sense that, across the board, music archiving has improved greatly over the last 20-plus years. I have not run across situations where it's wildly out of control and "Raiders of the Lost Ark"-like.

The Times story paints a pretty dark picture about how masters have been cared for over the years.

There are lots of tales of terrible things that have happened to archival assets across the entertainment industry over the decades, and people love to tell them. They're probably all true. But we're not fighting a battle against the elements here on a daily basis. There are some real threats that we deal with all the time, like decaying physical carriers and tapes. Where do you find a wax-cylinder player that does justice to the content? Same with analog tape.

After the article, some artists have publicly said that they believe their masters have been destroyed, including Krist Novoselic of Nirvana and Irving Azoff, who spoke on behalf of Steely Dan, which he manages. Can you respond?

Every artist who's reached out to us with concerns, we're working closely with them and/or their representatives to give them insight into the status of all of the assets we hold.

Could any good come from this in terms of people paying some attention to this issue more broadly?

It's a good opportunity for us to say, "Look, we're not a bunch of bean counters who don't give a shit about these assets." We actually literally spend most of our waking moments devising strategies for how to best take care of this stuff. There's an endless list of stunning artifacts that we have that we treasure and that we work hard to preserve. And being able to talk about that is always a good thing.

Source: https://www.billboard.com/biz/articles/news/record-labels/8516338/umg-archivist-nyt-article-surprisingly-overstated-but-any

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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deathchrist2000 · 7 years ago

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The Herpes-Like Persistence...: On Fight Club 2, Grant Morrison, and the Dark Enlightenment

AN: For some of these comics, the pagination is reset at the end of each issue. As such, the in text citations will be done as follows: (Authors’ Last Name, Issue Number (if applicable), Page Number(s), Panel Number(s)).

Sections:

I. The Only Sensible Way II. Abstraction and Radiant Chaos III. Short, Boring, Insignificant Lives IV. Powers and Destinies V. The White Lie VI. Hello Babies VII. I Was Angry

“Rereading Final Crisis makes it so clear that “comics history as a wizard duel between Alan Moore and Grant Morrison” makes perfect sense, and moreover it might just be the only sensible way to interpret ANY of this stuff.”-Sam Keeper, 2017

In 1996, author Chuck Palahniuk wrote Fight Club, a novel about, among other things, the relationship between toxic masculinity and fascist patriarchy through the lens of mental illness. In terms of plot, the nameless narrator tells us of his relationship with a man named Tyler Durden, an anarchist who starts Fight Clubs (where men can punch each other in the face while nearly naked) throughout the US, which grow into sleeper cells for his cult, Project Mayhem. The twist is that Tyler and the narrator are one and the same, ending with the narrator shooting himself to symbolically kill Tyler. It was adapted into a motion picture by David Fincher in 1999 and was acclaimed when it arrived on DVD inspiring many people to start their own Fight Clubs. In 2015, Palahniuk, along with artist Cameron Stewart, created a comic book sequel to his novel, which was aptly called Fight Club 2: The Tranquility Gambit. The sequel tells a purportedly simpler story of a semi-dysfunctional pair of parents trying to save their son from a madman with plots of world destruction. To help them along the way, Chuck Palahniuk inserts himself and his editors into the comic to push the plot forward when it gets stuck.

There are many ghosts that haunt this text (including the reaction to both Fight Club and Fight Club), but one in particular holds the key to understanding what Palahniuk is doing with his comic. In her reviews of the series, Emma Houxbois cited several instances within Fight Club 2 where the influence of noted comic writer and professional wanker Grant Morrison was felt. Specifically, she talks about the way in which Palahniuk inserts himself within the narrative to do the opposite approach of Morrison’s self insert characters, “portraying himself as being dragged into the story by late night calls from Tyler and the kidnapping of one of the dogs owned by a woman in his writing group. When Marla walks into the writing group Palahniuk is reading aloud a version of that scene where Marla enters the room and asks him if he’s God, but she doesn’t do that in this conversation.” (Houxbois)

This is of course not the only invocation of Morrison within the text; in fact one could simply create a collage of images from Fight Club 2 and connect them to various works of Grant Morrison (most obviously, Fig. 1 where, if one reverses the dialogue in the Morrison panel and reads it phonetically, they both essentially say the exact same thing). But there is more to the text and its relationship with Grant Morrison than a mere interest in similar ideas.

Indeed, to anyone familiar with the work of Morrison, the elevator pitch of a person with mental issues trying to salvage a life in an ever growingly mad world might sound eerily familiar. It would be easy to spend this essay going through the anxiety of influence and highlighting where these influences show up the most. But that wouldn’t answer the question of why use this anxiety of influence over, say, the work of David Fincher. As such, Fight Club 2 uses its anxiety of influence towards Grant Morrison (via nicking one of his basic plot lines (among other things)) to reflect the ways in which society has shifted because of the release of Fight Club and Fight Club. But to do that, we must first understand what exactly a Grant Morrison story is.

“We live in a world of abstraction and radiant chaos, and meaning and symbolism is the mental trick we use to make sense of it all. Life is performative living, and we all have our own masks to wear and plays to act out.”-Josh Marsfelder, 2016

Or rather, what kind of Grant Morrison comic this is, and to find out what that is, we must first look at a work by Grant Morrison himself. In many ways, Fight Club 2 has the feel of Morrison’s early work, with its interest in direct metafiction and bravado. One could argue that the aforementioned cited Flex Mentallo: Man of Muscle Mystery1 would fit the bill, as it also deals in themes of the power of ideas and masculinity. However Fight Club 2 deals in the grotesque in ways that Flex Mentallo does not. One Morrison work that does is that of The Mystery Play.

Released in 1994, The Mystery Play is notable for being considered the most willfully obtuse text in the entirety of Morrison’s oeuvre. As Greg Carpenter describes in The British Invasion! Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Grant Morrison, and the Invention of the Modern Comic Book Writer, “The book is a carnival for the intellect—combining literary playfulness and subtlety, implying thousands of meanings while dictating none,” (Carpenter, 246) a more celebratory reaction compared to his compatriot, Patrick Meaney, who claims ”The Mystery Play has some interesting themes and exciting moments, but ultimately it fails to coalesce into something more than the sum of its ideas.” (Meaney) This is despite having a relatively simplistic plotline compared to most of Morrison’s work: an actor in a small town representing God in a play has been murdered and a detective must solve the case.

On the one hand, this confusion could be due to the structure of the text. Rather than a straightforward detective narrative where each clue leads into the next until a criminal is revealed, The Mystery Play takes on a more anthropological approach wherein “…everything that happens in the vicinity of a murder has some significance” (Morrison and Muth, 23, 3). Such things include a perverted mayor who has sex with a mannequin, a minister dealing with the realization that God is dead, a town that’s on the brink of madness, an abandoned house in the middle of the woods, and the detective himself, who is not who he says he is.

Combined with Morrison’s status as “the confusing author” within the comics community, and it becomes apparent why people have found this to be a discouraging text to follow on a surface level, despite in actuality being a very simple story to follow. Large chunks of the story, for instance, are hallucinations on the part of the detective. Take special note to Fig. 2, where the detective interviews the actor playing the devil. Note especially the first panel in the given sequence, where the detective is portrayed with the proportions of a small child while still appearing to be an adult, indicating aspects of his mental state within the text. Also, over the course of the sequence, the actor turns from a human being (Morrison and Muth, 33, 3) to the literal devil (Morrison and Muth, 34, 1). As such, we are clearly dealing with a person with some level of mental health issues as our viewpoint character, and thus some scenes (like the one with the woman who has eyelashes for eyes eating a giant spider (Morrison and Muth, 44-45)) are to be read as such.2

Alternatively this confusion could be due to the art of the book. Unlike most works written by Morrison, where even works like The Filth take on a more pop aesthetic3, The Mystery Play has a painted quality to it. Unlike most painted comics such as the work of Alex Ross that take on a realist approach, Jon J. Muth’s art takes on a more expressionistic style. Take for example, Fig. 3, where the two lead characters are walking to an abandoned house. The characters themselves appear to be drawn with the least amount of details. They blend into the background, like a drop of paint. The world that surrounds them is murky and low on color (a quality shared by Fight Club 2, though in different ways), as befits a mystery about who killed God.

Note also the framing of the characters within the panels. Where the panels remain basic boxes, the characters are framed in every panel save the last one at odd angles. This is especially notable in panel 3, which has the characters framed in a crooked window that blots out the edges of the panel and turns it into the panel. This is especially notable considering what is being discussed in these panels: the detective is talking to a reporter about why he is involved in the case. It turns out that he isn’t a detective at all, but rather an escaped mental patient who is using this murder to figure out who he truly is. “I was somebody else once. I… I… don’t think I was a very good person” he claims “I’m trying to put the smashed pieces of that bad man back together again, to make a good man. If I can solve the murder it’ll prove I can do it.” (Morrison and Muth, 57, 1)

And that line is where the main crux of a Grant Morrison story lies: one of the core narratives of his work is that of a person with some mental issues (be they literal, like his Batman work, or metaphorical, as is the case of Seven Soldiers: Shining Knight) working through them via throwing themselves into a strange mad world. This can lead to various outcomes ranging from the optimistic “Sod this Sci-Spy bollocks, I just want to take care of my pet cat” ending of The Filth to The Mystery Play’s more cynical “You’re a fucking pedophile and child killer who needs to be crucified.”

“Humans just lead short, boring, insignificant lives, so they make up stories to feel like they’re a part of something bigger. They want to blame all the world’s problems on some single enemy they can fight, instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond anyone’s control.”-Raven Molisee and Paul Villeco, 2014

So how does all of that apply directly to the plot of Fight Club 2? To begin with, let’s look at our nameless protagonist, predominately referred to as “Sebastian” (fig. 4), and his alter ego, Tyler Durden (fig. 5) (note the distinction in how they look. “Sebastian” looks to have aged poorly, balding prematurely, and paler due to the placebos he’s taking. Tyler, meanwhile, looks to have not aged in the 10 years he’s been gone). The thing about Tyler is that most readings of the text of the original Fight Club novel and the motion picture Fight Club have him be a split personality of “Sebastian.” In the sequel however, for reasons we will get to, Palahniuk opts for Tyler to be more of a metaphor for a mental illness than a straightforward mental illness.

There are, of course, multiple ways the comic coveys this metaphor. Most obviously (besides Tyler) is in the way we see the comic. For the most part, Cameron Stewart organizes the panels in a straightforward manner of rectangles and other basic shapes, however they are typically overtaken by various household items such as roses, pills, and sperm, which in turn cover up various pieces of exposition and images. Take, for example, fig. 6, wherein various members of Project Mayhem, the cult Tyler started ten years back to bring about a massive social change, have taken blood-thinning drugs before heading to a museum where they will slit their wrists upon various pieces of art as a form of protest. One of the pills they have taken cover each of the members faces, dehumanizing the characters from us, and in turn showing us how a person like Tyler sees the rest of us.

Additionally, Fight Club 2 argues that Tyler Durden is a sentient idea that has infected generations of “Sebastian’s” male ancestry into being sex-crazed hedonists who would breed over countless generations to create the purest form of Tyler Durden4 (Palahniuk and Stewart, 8, 2, 1-2). Aside from being one of the methods through which Morrison conveys the concept of mental illness, this is also an example of a mystical concept Morrison coined known as the “Hypersigil.” “The ‘hypersigil’ or ‘supersigil’ develops the sigil concept beyond the static image and incorporates elements such as characterization, drama and plot. The hypersigil is a sigil extended through the fourth dimension… The hypersigil is an immensely powerful and sometimes dangerous method for actually altering reality in accordance with intent. Results can be remarkable and shocking.” (Morrison, 21)

The Hypersigil is a concept that Palahniuk tangles with throughout the comic. Though only implicitly, as when confronted with the idea of Tyler essentially being unkillable in the book (because of course Palahniuk is a character in this book, this is a Grant Morrison pastiche after all), he responds by banging his head on the table and declaring “I can’t. Try removing Santa Claus from the cultural landscape.” (Palahniuk and Stewart, 8, 2, 4-7) In fact, this is not just an idea Palahniuk leaves to the world of the comic, as there is an explicit attempt to differentiate the comic characters from those of the film (even in parts that are explicitly invoking scenes from the film (Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 25, 2)). None of the returning characters have the likenesses of Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, Helena Bonham Carter, Meat Loaf (though that one’s easy considering he has no head in the comic), Jared Leto (also easy because he looks like Jared Leto should look like if we lived in a fair and just world: “His skin was encrusted with dark-red scabs, each barely clinging to cover an oozing sore. This is who Sebastian would be if he’d gone to Fight Clubs each week for the past decade” (Palahniuk and Stewart, 4, 20)), or Rachel Singer (perhaps the easiest since she looks like a child with Progeria Syndrome in the comic). By rejecting the surface level invocations of actor likenesses, Palahniuk is able to highlight the ideas that the hypersigil of Tyler Durden represents.

And yet, the comic also explicitly invokes the film at several points. One example of which can be found in fig. 8, wherein Marla and Chloe, “Sebastian’s” wife and a fellow faker of terminal illnesses respectively, go out to find where various possible emanations of Fight Club could be (including Bite Club, Film Club, and Raw Fuck Club), each of which, while not being what they needed to find, were inspired directly by the original Fight Club (“Wait-- There was a book?” one of the characters, who bears a striking resemblance to friend of Palahniuk, Kelly Sue DeConnick, asks (Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 13, 8)). But a more direct example comes during an explanation of Tyler being a sentient idea (a synonym for a hypersigil) with deadly results (as told via a parable called “Werther Fever,” where countless young men committed suicide after reading the book The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Palahniuk and Stewart, 7, 6-8)), which is via a showing of Fight Club and what it inspired (fig. 9), thereby showing the power of the sigil. This, of course asks the question: Who would be infected by the hypersigil? Or, in other words: What kind of people would go around and start a Fight Club?

“I stole Vauung’s name because it was unused, on the basis of an exact qabbalistic entitlement. Yet, at least ‘up’ here, Vauung still confuses itself with me, with ruins and tatters. This might change. Names have powers and destinies.”-Nick Land, 2007

Coined by Curtis Yarvin under the pen name “Mencius Moldbug,” the Neoreactionary movement is essentially the intellectual end of the alt-right. They argue “…for things like the reestablishment of absolute monarchy (Moldbug suggests Steve Jobs would be a good choice of kings) and slavery (he also suggests that black people are genetically predisposed towards making good slaves).” (Sandifer, Haunt) The movement, germinated over the course of 30 years of the Internet being dictated by men whose idea of interesting stories consists of the technical specs of spaceships and massive amounts of violence and vile cruelty done by childhood heroes like Batman, Captain Picard, and Pinkie Pie, is notable for their successful ventures including hijacking a minor literary award5, terrorizing various women over the course of a few years6, and electing a real estate mogul into the office of President7. Aside from Moldbug, their main intellectual through line comes in the form of academic philosopher turned Cthulhu cultist Nick Land. Unlike Moldbug, who views the movement in a more “utopian” light, Land sees the movement as not so much “… ‘correct’ in any sense, but rather a sort of cynical pragmatism that views reactionary tendencies as an inevitable force that can be harnessed productively for his larger goal of accelerating toward the bionic horizon where we all grow face tentacles.” (Sandifer, Haunt) In short, the neoreactionary movement is perhaps the definitive proof that the imagined future we are living in isn’t so much 1984 (as argued by people who have never read 1984), The Handmaid’s Tale (as argued by more sensible people), or Neuromancer (as argued by less sensible, but somewhat more accurate, people), but Southland Tales8.

Indeed, the medium of film appears to be a massive influence upon the movement, as shown by its two most obvious invocations. The first of which, and perhaps the most blatant, would be that of The Matrix9.

But perhaps less obviously, and more pertinent to this essay, would be the influence of Fight Club. The influence comes from the film’s “assertion” that society is flawed and needs to be destroyed; specifically, elements that try to suppress the more masculine aspects of men like punching each other. This leads to a violent rebellion on the part of the members of Fight Club, culminating in the destruction of western capitalism. Though the neoreactionary movement isn’t completely a sausage factory, the appeal of society not giving you what you want and responding with cruelty is an apt, if simplistic, description of one aspect of the neoreactionary movement.

It is this reaction towards Fight Club that pushed Palahniuk to write Tyler Durden into a sentient idea in Fight Club 2. The fact that many people saw Durden as a revolutionary symbol to tear down western democracy terrified Palahniuk and so he wrote a story about how the idea of Tyler Durden infected the world and turned it into what it is. Durden recruits several newer members via a video game company known as Rize or Die, much like the army does (Palahniuk and Stewart, 3, 20, 1-4), expanded the organization to include female members10 (Palahniuk and Stewart, 4, 9-11). Additionally, there is talk of how they will be kings of this new world (Palahniuk and Stewart, 8, 14, 3) with the implication that the imperfect, lesser races will be exterminated (Palahniuk and Stewart, 9, 22, 2). To do this, Tyler plans to launch a series of nukes across the world, killing everyone, save his acolytes, protected by a series of salt mines. This will leave a fascist paradise sprung from the collective imagination of the neoreactionaries (well, without the face tentacles, but it’s still very super villain evil).

Of course, given that the neoreactionary reading of Fight Club is perhaps one of the poorest surface level readings you could make of the film, this is all a feint. In actuality, Durden simply takes the structural and surface level appeal of the movement (a tactic used in the past to create Fight Club in the first place out of the structural and surface level appeal of support groups, but with lots more punching (Olson)) to lure the kind of people such an organization would appeal to, “…like a roach motel. Genocidal Neo-Fascists check in, but they don’t check out.” (Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 9, 4-5) This is accomplished by having the castle11 under which the salt mines were blown up, causing a cave-in that would kill everyone hiding beneath them. This, in turn, makes the comic’s argument one in which neoreactionary politics must be exterminated.

"While things and connections should be encouraged to become clear, they should not perhaps hold out expectations of becoming, once and for all, 'perfectly clear'- an idiom which has all too often served as a code for the white lie."-Avital Ronell, 1994

And yet, Fight Club 2 doesn’t kill everyone. In the final chapter of the comic, after Palahniuk explained to his friends and fellow writers his idea for the ending, a swarm of angry Fight Club fans that are not terrible people, come over to Palahniuk’s house to collect his head. They liked Durden because “He’s a sociopathic killing machine… But in his nihilistic way, Tyler is a big-time optimist.” (Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 12, 11) And, there’s an appeal to a film that ends with the toxic ideal form of manhood being shot in the face, leading to a more healthy form to inherit the world, newly freed from the chains of late capitalism’s excesses.

Palahniuk retorts that Fight Club had a different ending. There was no great apocalypse that razed the world, no flaccid penis cut in between frames, no Pixies song: just a person who thought he couldn’t be redeemed, being forgiven by those he hurt and given the opportunity to be better. The response of the crowd is surprise at there being a book in the first place, much to the chagrin of Palahnuik’s editors. The fans and Palahniuk’s cohorts agree to forgive Palahniuk for his crap ending and make a better one, where everyone lives on to be better people12.

In a way, this is how most Morrison stories end as well: an appeal for the belief that no one is unforgivable (fig. 11), that we can all be better. Sure, I personally prefer the ending Palahniuk provides in theory (mainly because I don’t care for racist assholes who want to kill me for being, among other things, autistic (that, and watching Dick Spencer being punched in the face is hilarious)); thematically the “true” ending works better for this story because the alternative is too rude to bare. In the end, Chuck Palahniuk gets the last word on this whole sordid affair, which implicitly state (in his own words) that we are all at the whims of the ideas/hypersigils that surround us: (fig. 12).

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of babies- ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’”-Kurt Vonnegut Jr., 1965

Then again, there’s fig. 13 to consider. In the final pages of the story, Palahniuk reveals that Marla’s pregnant with Tyler’s child, indicating the truest form of Tyler, plausibly free from the chains of toxic masculinity and neoreactionary ideologies. Tyler is ecstatic after hearing the news, looking forward to the immortality humans are allowed. However Palahniuk, a bit too cocky for his own good, cites a deleted scene from Fight Club, where Marla says, “Someday, I want to have your abortion.” (Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 25, 2) He even tells this to Tyler… before he’s gotten around to writing it.

Tyler retorts by shooting his creator in the back of the head, evoking a previous page where “Sebastian’s” head explodes with items of modernity. Unlike with the previous page, the narration complains about “All his secondhand set-ups, his yard sale pay-offs, and cheap Ikea plot twists…” (Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 26, 1) The superior readings of Fight Club trump the “authorial” intent of an easy ending where everyone is forgiven. Instead, all things are subject to change. Redemption comes not from being forgiven, but from working to better yourself afterwards. Ultimately, these are the consequences of working from a Grant Morrison structure: change is inevitable and will eat the old. But there’s a level of optimism to change within a Morrison text. For if the structure of a Morrison story has anything to say about being compared to Fight Club 2, it’s that the new idea of Tyler Durden will be better than the old one.13

“Of course I was angry. I didn’t understand how anybody could look at the world and not be angry”-William Blake, 2014

Footnotes:

1) An autobiographical work about Morrison’s first bit of magic where he turned a bottle of pills into M&Ms. 2) As for the murder of God, note the lines “Sometimes I look at the world, you know, and wonder if God put us here to be the instruments of his death. Like we’re his death wish. He can’t stand the horror of what he is and what he’s done. He can’t feel pain or remorse. He… He’s just waiting and praying for us to grow strong enough to kill him and make him feel what we feel…” (Morrison and Muth, 58, 5-6), which is a common theme of Morrsion’s work twisted into a cruel interpretation of itself. Two years later, Flex Mentallo would be released, in which a fictional character comes into the real world and meets his creator, who is on the verge of dying of a drug overdose. There was no note in the comic, just a few comics lying around. 3) Though in The Filth’s case, it’s more Diamond Dogs than Labyrinth. 4) Consider fig. 7, where Tyler details the process by which “Sebastian” was bred. In the background of the page, we see a dead tree, with branches cross cutting each other, invoking the imagery of a family tree as well as indicating how the breeding tends to end for the parents (the comic already established that the idea of Tyler would have the kid he was possessing burn down the family home while the parents were asleep). Surrounding the tree are various panels of the life of “Sebastian’s” ancestors, which tell of the life they led before their untimely death. There are also various covers created for the series, connecting what Tyler did to Sebastian to the experiences of his ancestors. Also there are various amounts of sperm raining down upon the comic. Given that the sperm dietetically affects the page via degrading the color of the page, indicating both the sexual nature of Tyler’s conception and invoking the mystical concept of sigils, a form of mysticism used by Morrison wherein one focuses on an image in order to bring it into existence, sometimes involving masturbation (Morrison, 19). 5) 2015 and 2016 Hugo Awards 6) #gamergate 7) Peter Thiel, a key member of the presidential transition team, has been linked with the neoreactionary movement (MacDougald), though the expectation was that the current president would be a signal boost to see who the neoreactionaries should call when their real candidate, presumably Thiel, would be ready to run against Clinton in 2020. Evidentially, we live in the worst of all possible worlds. 8) The aspect of the film invoked by the neoreactionary movement is that of the Neomarxists, a tech based organization that simultaneously plots to destroy the government while also being connected to one of the government’s technology advisors, a private eccentric multi-billionaire7 (Marcus). 9) Specifically, in the form of the concept of the “Red Pill.” Nicked from Men’s Rights Advocates, red pilling refers to “the idea that the neoreactionary argument is an inevitable process, and that once you take the pill you cannot be unconvinced.” (Sandifer, Basilisk, 72) (This is of course, quite humorous (especially the MRA angle), given that if one actually pays attention to The Matrix, and especially to those who created it, it becomes apparent that the red pill is, in fact, estrogen. Equally, the invocation of The Matrix brings us back to Morrison in that, along with Snow Crash, Ghost in the Shell, and an undergraduate level philosophy course, many have claimed the film was partially inspired by the Morrison comic The Invisibles. In a web chat interview, the sisters claimed that, while they did like the comic, it was not an influence (Wachowski).) 10) Note fig. 10, which highlights how the house Quilt Club takes place is near identical to the headquarters of Project Mayhem, if cleaned up a bit (Houxbois). Equally, they’re still extremely and predominately white. 11) Because of course an evil super villain would have a castle. You have to keep with the aesthetics. 12) In a cheeky moment, they walk all the way there, much to Palahnuik’s annoyance, who at least wants some good weather, to which Cameron Stewart obliges (fig. 14). 13) Yes, I said The Mystery Play ended cynically, but there’s an optimism in that it’s unclear in the comic as to whether or not the detective actually died or if he ran off to be a better person while everyone else was busy crucifying his coat.

Works Cited:

Carpenter, Greg. The British Invasion: Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Grant Morrison, and the Invention of the Modern Comic Book Writer. Edwardsville, IL: Sequart Organization, 2016. Print. Houxbois, Emma. "Fight Club 2 #4." The Rainbow Hub. The Rainbow Hub, 26 Aug. 2015. Web. 13 Apr. 2017. <http://www.therainbowhub.com/fight-club-2-4/>. Keeper, Sam. Then Eve, Being A Force, Laughed At Their Decision. Tumblr, 23 Mar. 2017. Web. 27 Mar. 2017. <http://sam-keeper.tumblr.com/post/158744796290/rereading-final-crisis-makes-it-so-clear>. Land, Nick. "A Dirty Joke." Fanged Noumena: Collected Writings 1987-2007. Falmouth: Urbanomic, 2014. 629-34. Print. MacDougald, Park. "The Darkness Before the Right” The Awl. The Awl, 28 Sept. 2015. Web. 19 Apr. 2017. <https://theawl.com/the-darkness-before-the-right-84e97225ac19>. Marcus, Ezra. "How a Dystopian Film Moby Scored in 2006 Predicted the Post-Truth Future." Thump. Vice, 02 Mar. 2017. Web. 19 Apr. 2017. <https://thump.vice.com/en_us/article/dystopian-moby-post-truth>. Marsfelder, Josh. ""Ghost Train": Emergence." Vaka Rangi. Blogspot, 10 May 2016. Web. 28 Mar. 2017. <http://vakarangi.blogspot.com/2016/05/ghost-train-emergence.html>. Meaney, Patrick. "Grant Morrison's Day-Glo Years: The Mystery Play." Sequart Organization. Sequart Organization, 12 July 2012. Web. 17 Apr. 2017. <http://sequart.org/magazine/13616/grant-morrisons-day-glo-years-the-mystery-play/>. Molisee, Raven, and Paul Villeco. "Keep Beach City Weird." Steven Universe. Cartoon Network. Atlanta, Georgia, 30 Oct. 2014. Television. Transcript. Moore, Alan. Interview by Pádraig Ó Méalóid. Slovobooks. Wordpress, 9 Jan. 2014. Web. 27 Mar. 2017. Morrison, Grant, and Frank Quitely. Flex Mentallo: Man of Muscle Mystery. New York, NY: Vertigo, 2014. Print. Morrison, Grant, and Jon J. Muth. The Mystery Play. Saint-Laurent-du-Var: Panini Comics, 2010. Print. Morrison, Grant. "POP MAGIC!" Book of Lies: The Disinformation Guide to Magick and the Occult. New York City: Disinformation, 2003. N. pag 16-25. Disinformation. Disinformation, 08 Oct. 2014. Web. 15 Apr. 2017. <http://disinfo.com/2014/10/pop-magic-grant-morrison/>. Palahniuk, Chuck, Cameron Stewart, Nate Piekos, and David Mack. Fight Club 2. Milwaukie, OR: Dark Horse Comics, 2015. Print. Olson, Dan. "Fight Club and Toxic Masculinity." YouTube. Folding Ideas, 13 Nov. 2014. Web. 15 Apr. 2017. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td88z08a_4c>. Ronell, Avital. "Trauma TV." Finitude's Score: Essays for the End of the Millennium. Lincoln: U of Nebraska, 1994. 307. Print. Sandifer, Philip. "Haunt the Future." Art Against Art Winter 2016/17: 16-21. Art Against Art. 05 Mar. 2017. Web. 15 Apr. 2017. <http://www.artagainstart.com/p/haunt-future.html>. Sandifer, Philip. The Last War in Albion: The Early Work of Alan Moore and Grant Morrison. Vol. 1. Ithaca, NY: Eruditorum, 2016. Print. Sandifer, Philip. Neoreaction a Basilisk. Ithaca: Eruditorum Press, 2017. Print. Wachowski, Lana, and Lily Wachowski. "Chat with the Wachowski Brothers." What Is the Matrix. Warner Brothers, 6 Nov. 1999. Web. 15 Apr. 2017. <http://web.archive.org/web/20100213041503/http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/cmp/larryandychat.html>. Vonnegut, Kurt. God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. New York: Delacorte, 1965. Print.

Figures:

(Morrison and Quietly, 1, 22, 3) (Palahniuk and Stewart, 6, 24 (segment))

II.

(Morrison and Muth, 33, 2-5; 34, 1)

III.

(Morrison and Muth, 57)

IV.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 1, 2, 3)

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 1, 23, 5-6)

VI.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 5, 19, 4)

VII.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 8, 15)

VIII.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 4, 4-5)

IX.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 7, 9, 1-3)

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 2, 23, 4; 4, 9, 3)

XI.

(Morrison and Quietly, 4, 18)

XII.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 23, 3)

XIII.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 1, 12; 10, 26)

XIV.

(Palahniuk and Stewart, 10, 14, 4-7)

#fight club #Fight Club 2 #chuck palahniuk #cameron stewart #grant morrison

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farrresidency · 6 years ago

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Artist Interview #3 - Joliz Dela Peña

Wanda: When did you start making art? Or considering yourself an Artist?

Joliz: I think everybody started when they’re young but for me I took it seriously when I was around 15 years old. Because in my school they really encouraged doing art because there’s murals in the plazas in my country [Philippines] and they ask students to come in and draw on those big walls.

William: With paint?

Joliz: Yeah yeah with paint, making anything they wanted. It’s not like Graffiti or vandalism. So I was inspired by that but I wasn’t really into the mural thing because of the artstyle I guess. I was more into trying to improve in drawing and painting portraits at the time. But it spiraled down to doing landscapes in the end because in the Philippines I wasn’t allowed to paint inside the house so they made me a table in our garden and I painted there most of the time. I was really influenced by all this organic stuff that surrounded me and also I was really into landscapes and not into the trend at the time in the Philippines with murals and Hyperrealistic portraits.

Wanda: When was this?

Joliz: Around 2013. So that’s how I started, I wanted to make something different that’s not the same as my friends and other students work at the time. So I focused on landscapes and seascapes since that’s what I would mostly see around me.

William: Do you sometimes miss having an outdoor studio versus an indoor studio?

Joliz: Actually yes! That’s why I kinda hate Winter because around this time I won’t be able to go out and just paint in plein air. But a lot of things have changed since I moved to Canada, like I wasn’t able to paint landscapes like I used to back in the Philippines so moving here changed and evolved my artstyle. From being an impressionism Artist to what I do now which is all over the place.

Wanda: Do you think that has something to do with the move and adapting? Because you were used to always making art outside and painting things around you, now you’re in a country where you have to be indoors so the things around you don’t change as much unless you manipulate them. So do you think your artwork is reflective of the place where you make your work currently?

Joliz: Yeah I think so. My previous apartment I was sharing my bedroom with my sister and it was really cramped. I didn’t have a proper desk. Like that dresser was my desk at the time. So I was sitting in an uncomfortable position trying to paint. I was enjoying the work I’d make at the time but I was making art for people to see and not for me to feel better. So I stopped and took a really long break. I didn’t do any art, I just shut myself out from the world. Forced myself to find a new artstyle that will make me happy but I realised that’s not the point and to just release art that you feel good about. So I started painting random stuff, it’s not really my kind of artstyle but I enjoy doing it. All the stuff I’ve been doing I really like, I know it’s not consistent and I really liked that [impressionistic] art style for two years because I felt that I could build it and improve it and people would soon like it. But that didn’t happen. I was creating to make social media like me but not making myself feel better. Art for me is almost therapeutic and an escape so I wanted to force myself out since I’m restricting myself from happiness I guess. Just making it worse. So I stopped doing it.

Wanda: What year was this?

Joliz: Well between 2015 and 2017 I did that impressionism style.

Wanda: And during that time you were sharing your space with your sister?

Joliz: Yeah in a small room. Really cramped.

Wanda: So you clearly arranged your room to work around art. When you were arranging it, what were your considerations?

Joliz: I was considering more space for me to explore. Because back then I wasn’t really able to make bigger art and paint bigger spaces. I wasn’t allowed to use chemicals or oil paints because I was sharing a bedroom with my sister and she doesn’t like that. Having a small space really restricted me to explore other mediums, and now I’m able to do all of that because I have this bigger space. I have a window that I can open up. It’s really nice to have your own room to do more things. But again it’s not really ideal for me to use a lot chemicals because I’m trying to get into screenprinting and sometimes I want to develop my own films. I’d need a bigger space to do that, right now I’m content with how the space looks like and the mediums I can do in here. But if I could have an opportunity to get a studio I’d be happy to take that. I miss the fact that in the Philippines I’m out in the open and I used to paint in oils, ventilation was really nice and you don’t have to worry about inhaling the fumes.

Wanda: So how do you organise your studio space to match the mediums you practice?

Joliz: I’m not sure. I mean everything is all over the place. I said I have a second personality. I don’t touch her stuff because sometimes she would go over into my things. It’s really hard to explain because when I’m not active this other personality is active and she doesn’t her thing. I don’t really get to see how she does it. But whenever I wake up things are all over the place. I’m a really organized person, right now it isn’t because I was working with stuff. But now if I’m not doing anything or not doing a project at the moment this would all be really tidy I would organize it in a way in which every medium is in their own storage space.

Wanda: Which part of the room belongs to your other personality?

Joliz: This part of the right. My things are in the cabinets [and desk]. So all this stuff on the right is hers though the paintings in the box are mine. But I don’t really let paint of paper pads, I just gave her this wall to paint on. One time I woke up and the papers were blank and there was this note saying this is my space now. I’ve never really told anyone about my DID, my mental illness. Because I’m really scared about how people would perceive it. Like even my sister knows little about it. She only knows this part of my room.

William: Would you want us to omit that?

Joliz: No it’s ok. At some point I feel that I should tell people about it. It’s just recent that my depression crumbled into this and at first it’s just scary. Like this painting right here really scared the shit out of me. I never really do anything like this and there’s something engraved in here saying “do not touch”. It’s just different from my own art style and that if I post this anywhere on my social media or tell this to any of my friends they wouldn’t think that it’s me. I mean it’s not really me it’s the other personality in me.

William: Have you ever thought then about making a separate social media presence for the other personality?

Joliz: I would love to, I think she has one but I don’t really know. Because whenever I wake up I just see some stuff and I’m just like oh this is something new here. Like I just painted a picture of me so I put paint over it and the next day she did this green thing on here. I would love it if she had a different social media but again that would be really confusing with people because we have the same face but we have different art styles.

Wanda: Well people don’t need to know everything. Like you can always do… If you allow me to say it but you should always do what you feel comfortable with. Like this work is beautiful and you should do with it what you want to do with it and fuck everyone else. Like who’s the ultimate judge out there? Random kid with 5 billion likes but at the end of the day this is very real, it’s very human, and it’s very you. It’s a part of you in one way. But yeah it’s beautiful I love it.

William: I agree... even though it scares you.

Wanda: So how long did it take for your space to get to where you wanted it to be?

Joliz: It took me from day one of moving here… I mean it’s not like what I wanted. Before I wanted to have a really long table so it’s definitely not yet what I wanted it to be. Still a work in progress but right now I’m pretty happy with what I have. But I would love to expand my space more but ever since she came up… I mean I still like it, I don’t want to be selfish and make her do art on the floor so I’m making her have this space.

Wanda: So it’s like if you’re sharing a studio essentially

Joliz: Yeah that’s true.

Wanda: Do you feel that there was a difference in your art before you started sharing your studio?

Joliz: Oh yeah definitely. This [pointing to right of the room] is very abstract. Now I’m starting to incorporate it into my own work like. I started doing the transfer with the acetone. It’s so boring and I needed to do something to do with it. So I try to incorporate what I’m seeing here and use the same colour palette and the gesture and brushstrokes onto my type of artstyle. I’m still trying to stay in my lane because she does acrylic and I do watercolour. Sharing with this type of art it influences me and whatever I make and it really translates to whatever I’m doing currently.

Wanda: If you could change anything about your space right now what would it be?

William: Like you have full omniscient power, you can literally change anything.

Joliz: Oh damn, I would break this wall and just expand it. I really want a bigger space. I’m now sharing with another person or personality and I think that it’s not big enough for the two of us. I kind of like her stuff and I want to see her do it on a proper surface like a canvas, not just on drawing paper and stuff on the wall.

Wanda: Do you think it’s important to have a specific recurring space in which you produce your work or do you personally feel capable of working in a multitude of locations?

Joliz: In my preference I would love to work in different places and I think I’ve already experienced it before, moving from the Philippines to this small apartment to having this space now. I realize that I don’t like settling down in one art style. Seeing all the evolution in my art… the journey is really nice for me. Seeing that I could improve in some ways is…

William: Gratifying?

Joliz: Yeah exactly.

Wanda: Do you feel that you work better in a situation of controlled chaos or neat tidiness in your space?

Joliz: I like a neat and tidy space. I find things when I leave them where they’re supposed to be so I really like organizing my stuff. But I think it’s inevitable to be chaotic in some sense. I feel that it will give you raw emotions when you let it go and be loose.

Wanda: Do you find yourself stressed out when working in here or do you feel that the space is relaxing?

Joliz: I feel that the space is really relaxing. As I said it’s an escape for me. I don’t do art in school that much, I’m only taking a complimentary. So outside this apartment I’m not doing art. So whenever I come back home I get to sit down and do whatever I want, paint and draw. It’s really relaxing for me and it’s like a stress-reliever.

Wanda: And what are you studying right now?

Joliz: I’m just in general sciences right now. I don’t really like the idea of going to an art school. I feel that you get restricted in some ways. I have friends that are taking studio arts at Concordia and they’re saying things like it’s not making them find their art style. My true essence. They’re making rules to be in the norm and fit in the system of art nowadays. I don’t really want to be a part of that. I just want to do my own thing in my own space. So I’m pursuing animal health tech. I don’t feel like I need validation, I don’t need to graduate in Fine Arts to be called an Artist.

William: I feel targeted, I’m the only Fine Arts student in here!

Wanda: We had a conversation about this before

William: Oh I know I know, I don’t take it personally

Joliz: I mean art school is fine it teaches you different techniques and stuff but I feel you can research about it on your own before.

William: I just like the aspect of seeing all of my classmates’s work. Like I like being in the space that everyday when I go to school it’s all people doing their work.

Joliz: Because everybody has their different perspective and how they approach art yeah.

William: Like most people in my classes do portraiture which is not at all what I do well. So some of them are doing like fashion photography, I have no… like I don’t do that. That’s not my style. So it’s cool to see. And a lot of my professors, I mean I can only touch on photography but like my prof Jérôme, he’s an artist resident. He’s not like a tenured teacher. So like when you’re doing an artist residence they pay you but you also have to teach some classes.

Wanda: And he’s badass.

William: So yeah I think that’s one of the advantage of art school, you kind of have to push back when people tell you to do a certain kind of work but I feel that the advantage is just being around people that are doing cool shit. But I don’t know if, like I can only really talk about photography.

Wanda: Yeah it’s as long as what you’re doing makes you feel good.

William: Yeah like I don’t think… like Art school is definitely not for everyone

Wanda: I would one hundred percent suck in art school. I love art but I like just spitting it out when I’m feeling something

William: I think like some people strive, like I know I strive when I have a deadline. People tell me ok do this by then. Or else I just do a series forever and I never finish it. It’s kind of hard to end my series with the type of photography that I do. Because I do a lot of documentary and historical stuff. It can go forever, so having someone tell me “no you have to hand it in now.” is really beneficial for me.

Wanda: Yeah I don’t really strive doing that

William: I think it just depends. Sorry for the tangent though!

Wanda: No no it’s ok

William: Just had to defend myself!

Wanda: But it’s really cool. Like you have to know yourself as a person. Will feels really comfortable doing that.

William: Like I know it’s for me and you also know that it’s not for you and it’s just as good and valid.

Wanda: And being an artist it’s equally hard being in any subject you take, like going business school I start to realize that everyday more and more because you’re an outcast to the artists and then you’re also an outcast to the business students.

William: Especially in business!

Wanda: Especially! I feel that when you’re an artist and you do things that you love you’re going to be an outcast, like the world is not a competition. Everyone has their own essence and brings little things to the table and do things a certain way. Whether it’s art school or the middle of the street, outside, in your room. It’s all dope. Like look at you [Joliz], like your book! You haven’t been living here for that long, you’re in science, you’re a woman, you’re an immigrant… there’s so many things that unfortunately could work in your disadvantage but you make beautiful work so more power to you

Joliz: Thank you, hell yeah

William: I mirror that

Wanda: On that note! What do you use the most in your studio?

Joliz: Oh that’s a tough question…

Wanda: Your chair!

Joliz: Well yeah! I guess… It would be super obvious if I say like a brush… but I would say masking tape. I love sticking shit on my wall as you guys can see. Masking tape is everywhere. Before you guys came here I cleaned up my room and I had a big ball of masking tape on my table. It’s an essential for me. I can’t properly make my art without it. I make clean borders, even with my watercolour paper.

Wanda: So universally, what do you think it a must for any studio?

Joliz: I’d say…

William: Masking tape?

Joliz: Yes! But no! Good lighting. And good ventilation! Because I love painting with natural light. I’m so happy I have this room with big windows. But working with an artificial light like this it really changes the way I paint and my mood. And yeah also good ventilation, I’m doing acetone and I don’t want to die here.

Wanda: So what is the prevailing emotion when you’re in your studio space?

Joliz: A lot of emotions. Basically whenever I walk in here now, I’d see this [Other personality’ work on the wall] and get sad but at the same time, also happy that she exists. I’m sharing a space with her now and not just looking at my own art every damn day whenever I wake up, whenever I go home. So yeah mixed emotions. I can’t really pinpoint what it is because it changes every time. Every time she adds or changes something in this space it would really give me a different emotion.

William: So do you think it inspires you in some way to have someone else’s work to be able to draw from?

Joliz: Yeah. Because my sister [and family] she doesn’t really do art so I wasn’t surrounded by artists. Having this now in my room, I get excited everyday, she probably did something different on her wall and I’m excited to see that and examine it.

William: Having been through building a studio for yourself, is there anything you could warn other artists? Like oh I messed up here don’t do this or just advice

Wanda: Like what would you recommend to other students that might be in a similar situation. Putting a studio space within their room or even having a studio space in your room while living with parents.

Joliz: I guess just build your space and don’t give a fuck because they don’t sleep in that room. They don’t sleep in that room. It’s your own heaven I suppose. If you want to put stuff on your wall, if you want to paint on your wall it’s up to you. Do whatever makes you comfortable and happy because it’s a space that you’re going to be making a lot of art in. Might as well drown your room with art.

Wanda: Did you have any inspirations for arranging your studio space?

Joliz: I actually don’t have any… I’ve never been to another studio or artist’s room. I kind of just build this based on how I feel. Back in my old apartment I didn’t even put up some of my artworks because I think it would look more cramped. Not really spacious. Now I have my own room and I’m free to do whatever I want basically.

Wanda: I’m just wondering, you do different styles and you’ve shown us different pieces that change through time. Has changing your painting style and techniques, has it made you change your room to properly accommodate exploring those different techniques and mediums?

Joliz: Yeah, yeah.

Wanda: Ok hit us!

Joliz: Most of the time I would take all the stuff away from that table and put my easel there, start painting bigger pieces. Sometimes I’d paint on the floor if the painting surface is too big. And also with the acetone, there’s just so many fumes in here that… like I’m still conscious that I’m going to sleep in here and I don’t want all the fumes to be stuck in here. So I kind of cheat and go outside on the patio to do that. Basically I’d love to have a separate room to do art because I feel that I’m really limited in here.

William: And a strong ventilation system! Maybe that’s something you could change about your room; put like a big kitchen hood just suck everything.

Joliz: That’d be nice, I’m going to write that down.

#Artist Interview #artresidency #artist series #art residence #art residency #montreal #montreal art #montreal artist #artstudio #art studio #artist studio farr concordia concordia university

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h0ldthiscat · 8 years ago

Text

How To Talk To Your Son

Read it here or on AO3.

2016. Look in his eyes for the first time in nearly fifteen years. He doesn’t look the way you thought he would. More like Mulder than you anticipated, which is startling. He also looks a little like the dumpy woman fluttering about the porch, still in disbelief that a government helicopter just landed on her front lawn. He looks like her in way that old married couples are indistinguishable from each other, in the way that dogs start to look like their owners. Or is it the owners who start to look like the dogs?

“William?” you ask, even though you know.

“Yeah?” His voice hasn’t dropped yet.

“I’m Agent Scully, I’m going to need you to come with us.”

He looks to the woman on the porch, her colorless brown hair coming loose from its braid. “What is this about?” he asks.

“There’s not much time to explain,” you say, “but there’s a man in this helicopter who’s very sick and we think you might have a certain… element in your genetic makeup that can help him.”

His blue eyes flash--at least those are yours--as he tries to process. Then he says, “Okay.” Just like that, he believes you, and finally you think you understand how Mulder feels, after all these years.

2015. “Just think about it,” Walter says, and you do. You really do.

You have forgotten what it would be like to come home not smelling faintly of antiseptic and bile every day. You and Mulder are friendly. It wouldn’t be terrible to work with him again.

2014. Don’t think about him as much as you used to. Recall less and less the way his tiny fingers seemed curved in a perpetual half-fist, ready to close around anything that came into his path.

You can’t remember anymore whose father you named him after. Yours, Mulder’s, or your son’s own. Well, you could hardly name him Fox. I mean, really.

2013. Do not answer the phone when Mulder calls. Talk to your mother every day, like some sad woman in a book you read once. Silently assess the measure of her. She’s survived everything you have, but she had to watch it happen to her daughter. It’s worse, somehow, to see your suffering through your mother’s eyes. Guiltily, remember how long you waited to tell her about the cancer.

“I thought it would just go away,” you say one night on the phone in your new apartment, your mother an arm’s length away in Bethesda. “That if I didn’t tell you it wouldn’t be real.” Don’t tell her how you pictured it shriveling up like a grape and becoming a raisin and one day sneezing it out into a tissue, curling your lip at the dark mass in your mucus, and then tossing it into the trash.

“Dana, dear, you’re a doctor. You know that’s not how it works.”

She is the only person who calls you Dana anymore. You asked everyone at work to call you by your last name years ago. Tell them you’re used to it. They comply, except for one intern who calls you “Doctor D.” For some reason, it doesn’t bother you.

Huff: “I know that’s not how it works, Mom.”

She suggests, not for the first time, that you get a cat. You try to laugh it off even though the thought grips you with a cold hand and makes your stomach roil. To get a cat would be admitting defeat and you are not there yet. Quickly think of a reason you have to go and wish her good night with a smile in your voice.

Answer the phone without looking two minutes later when it rings again, assuming it’s her. Start to apologize for your quick sign off. Realize it’s Mulder. Grip the phone with both hands like you used to when a phone was big enough to hold with two hands. Listen to each other breathing for a while.

Say his name, Mulder, like an invocation. When you worked together you learned that many demons can be summoned by the mere utterance of their name at a certain time of day under specific conditions. Allegedly. Feel as if you are summoning him now. Say it’s nice to hear his voice, because it is.

Meet up for coffee two days later and enjoy yourself.

2012. Leave. Take his picture, nothing else.

2011. Feel as if the world is coming to an end when the internet connection goes out one night at the house. Mulder hems and haws, fiddling with the router. He’s emerged from his study. He can’t hole up and scour the deep web without an internet connection, of course.

Say: “It’ll probably be back in an hour or so. You know reception is spotty up here.”

Lounge on the couch with a book for the first time in ages. Notice the swell of your breasts beneath your tanktop and feel incredibly sexual all of a sudden. Stand and take off all your clothes, chilly in the breeze from the open window. Feel like a different person, the kind of woman with a name like Jacquelyn or Isobel with an o. Go to the front room, where the router is. Pose behind him in the doorway and say something ridiculous like, “Why don’t you quit working on that and come to work on me.”

He looks up and says, “Come on, Scully, quit messing around and help me with this.”

Wipe your eyes with the backs of your hands and put your clothes back on. Announce you are going back to the hospital, there is something you forgot to do and it’s got to get done before morning.

Stay there for three or four days until you spill coffee on both your extra sets of scrubs and can’t justify going out to buy new ones. Say you’re sorry and almost mean it when Mulder clutches you and says he was so worried.

Then why didn’t you call me? Don’t say that.

2010. Go to a support group for parents who no longer have children. That’s how they word it, a carefully constructed aphorism because no one wants to say they’re dead. No one wants to talk about tiny faces caked in pallid makeup, every indentation on their lips outlined, little boys buried in their boy scout uniforms, girls in their first communion dresses.

You and Mulder worked a case once--somewhere in the midwest--where a series of graves were upturned and their clothes stolen. Men, women, and children thrown haphazardly back into their padded box-beds in various states of decomposition. Local law enforcement had found a ripped piece of a communion veil on a tree. You touched it without gloves on because you needed to know what it felt like. Soft, impossibly soft, more precious than the top of his head with his swirl of dark hair like his father’s.

Dana, would you like to share today, the group leader asks. You say no thank you and get yourself another cup of coffee. You are jittery on the drive home. When you pull up in the driveway, all the lights are turned out. In the living room, pick up a pillow and scream into it until it feels like your throat bleeds.

2008. After the snowiest winter you can remember (although your memory’s not so good these days), go somewhere warm. Bermuda. Puerto Rico. Belize. Hawaii. The week before, stand in dressing rooms at the mall and tilt your head at your reflection in the mirror. Is that you? Is that what you look like? She’s not so bad, you suppose. Turn profile and admire the curve of your ass. Push your breasts together, then apart.

Decide you have aged well. Buy a long, flowing coverup. “Forget” to pack it.

2006. You begin to write him letters, advice for primary school and how to talk to kids who seem mean. How to do taxes and establish a line of credit. The lyrics to a Dionne Warwick song. You never send them. They live in a box in the guest room. You paint it a bearable sort of green and during a fight you accidentally refer to it as “William’s room.” Mulder just sort of stares at you, stunned.

2005. Buy a house. Pay in cash. Pick out furniture at Pottery Barn and Pier One. Think that things are finally looking up. Knock on wood. Lay between sheets you finally own again and think blissfully, I could get used to this.

You do not.

2004. Toast miserably to nothing on election night.

“Four more years,” Mulder intones sarcastically.

Snap at him, “What do you have to be miserable about? You can’t even vote.”

2003. On his second birthday, stare at a stain on the hotel wall while Mulder takes you from behind, his hands like vice grips on your waist. Let him finish quickly and sloppily kiss your shoulder and then go to the bathroom to clean up. Think about finishing yourself off. Slide your hand between your legs and realize you don’t feel like you used to. For years you were the only one who knew yourself, but it’s different now.

2001. Split in two with the weight of him, the size. When Monica wipes the sweat from your brow and tells you you’re doing great, you’re doing wonderfully, Dana, joke: he has broad shoulders like his father. Do not scream where the hell is Mulder, even though you want to. Breathe the way you’ve been taught, the way they do in movies and the way you did on a yoga mat in that studio above an Indian restaurant on K Street, imagining this moment in a hospital bed and not some shantytown near the thirty-third parallel.

Wonder why John has that terrible accent if he was born here, where they drawl their r’s and their e’s sound like i’s. Try to scream. The pain is a bubble in your throat and you want to bite something, want to push your shoulders back and together until your arms snap off and you dissolve into stardust. But you don’t, and neither does he, all eight pounds nine ounces of him, wailing into the darkness in late spring.

He is perfect.

2000. Feel him growing inside of you. He is the size of banana, your obstetrician tells you. Hate how people always liken fetuses to fruit. Why not little animals or the shipping boxes at the post office? Your baby would fit in a standard large overnight envelope, the kind with the accordion sides. You’ll take it? Lovely. And how will you be paying today?

1997. Nod somberly at the diagnosis and wonder how to tell your mother that you won’t be giving her any grandchildren.

#my writing #xf fanfic

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componentplanet · 5 years ago

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How Are Process Nodes Defined?

We talk a lot about process nodes at ExtremeTech, but we don’t often refer back to what a process node technically is. With Intel’s 10nm node now in production and TSMC + Samsung talking about future 5nm nodes, it’s a good time to revisit the topic, particularly the question of how TSMC and Samsung compare to Intel.

Process nodes are typically named with a number followed by the abbreviation for nanometer: 32nm, 22nm, 14nm, etc. There is no fixed, objective relationship between any feature of the CPU and the name of the node. This was not always the case. From roughly the 1960s through the end of the 1990s, nodes were named based on their gate lengths. This chart from IEEE shows the relationship:

For a long time, gate length (the length of the transistor gate) and half-pitch (half the distance between two identical features on a chip) matched the process node name, but the last time this was true was 1997. The half-pitch continued to match the node name for several generations but is no longer related to it in any practical sense. In fact, it’s been a very long time since our geometric scaling of processor nodes actually matched with what the curve would look like if we’d been able to continue actually shrinking feature sizes.

Well below 1nm before 2015? Pleasant fantasy.

If we’d hit the geometric scaling requirements to keep node names and actual feature sizes synchronized, we’d have plunged below 1nm manufacturing six years ago. The numbers that we use to signify each new node are just numbers that companies pick. Back in 2010, the ITRS (more on them in a moment) referred to the technology chum bucket dumped in at every node as enabling “equivalent scaling.” As we approach the end of the nanometer scale, companies may begin referring to angstroms instead of nanometers, or we may simply start using decimal points. When I started work in this industry it was much more common to see journalists refer to process nodes in microns instead of nanometers — 0.18-micron or 0.13-micron, for example, instead of 180nm or 130nm.

How the Market Fragmented

Semiconductor manufacturing involves tremendous capital expenditure and a great deal of long-term research. The average length of time between when a new technological approach is introduced in a paper and when it hits widescale commercial manufacturing is on the order of 10-15 years. Decades ago, the semiconductor industry recognized that it would be to everyone’s advantage if a general roadmap existed for node introductions and the feature sizes those nodes would target. This would allow for the broad, simultaneous development of all the pieces of the puzzle required to bring a new node to market. For many years, the ITRS — the International Technology Roadmap for Semiconductors — published a general roadmap for the industry. These roadmaps stretched over 15 years and set general targets for the semiconductor market.

Image by Wikipedia

The ITRS was published from 1998-2015. From 2013-2014, the ITRS reorganized into the ITRS 2.0, but soon recognized that the scope of its mandate — namely, to provide “the main reference into the future for university, consortia, and industry researchers to stimulate innovation in various areas of technology” required the organization to drastically expand its reach and coverage. The ITRS was retired and a new organization was formed called IRDS — International Roadmap for Devices and Systems — with a much larger mandate, covering a wider set of technologies.

This shift in scope and focus mirrors what’s been happening across the foundry industry. The reason we stopped tying gate length or half-pitch to node size is that they either stopped scaling or began scaling much more slowly. As an alternative, companies have integrated various new technologies and manufacturing approaches to allow for continued node scaling. At 40/45nm, companies like GF and TSMC introduced immersion lithography. Double-patterning was introduced at 32nm. Gate-last manufacturing was a feature of 28nm. FinFETs were introduced by Intel at 22nm and the rest of the industry at the 14/16nm node.

Companies sometimes introduce features and capabilities at different times. AMD and TSMC introduced immersion lithography at 40/45nm, but Intel waited until 32nm to use that technique, opting to roll out double-patterning first. GlobalFoundries and TSMC began using double-patterning more at 32/28nm. TSMC used gate-last construction at 28nm, while Samsung and GF used gate-first technology. But as progress has gotten slower, we’ve seen companies lean more heavily on marketing, with a greater array of defined “nodes.” Instead of waterfalling over a fairly large numerical space (90, 65, 45) companies like Samsung are launching nodes that are right on top of each other, numerically speaking:

I think you can argue that this product strategy isn’t very clear, because there’s no way to tell which process nodes are evolved variants of earlier nodes unless you have the chart handy.

While node names are not tied to any specific feature size, and some features have stopped scaling, semiconductor manufacturers are still finding ways to improve on key metrics. That’s genuine engineering improvement. But because advantages are harder to come by now, and take longer to develop, companies are experimenting more with what to call those improvements. Samsung, for example, is deploying many more node names than it used to. That’s marketing.

Why Do People Claim Intel 10nm and TSMC/Samsung 7nm Are Equivalent?

Because the manufacturing parameters for Intel’s 10nm process are very close to the values TSMC and Samsung use for what they call a 7nm process. The chart below is drawn from WikiChip, but it combines the known feature sizes for Intel’s 10nm node with the known feature sizes for TSMC’s and Samsung’s 7nm node. As you can see, they’re very similar:

Image by ET, compiled from data at WikiChip

The delta 14nm / delta 10nm column shows how much each company scaled a particular feature down from its previous node. Intel and Samsung have a tighter minimum metal pitch than TSMC does, but TSMC’s high-density SRAM cells are smaller than Intel’s, likely reflecting the needs of different customers at the Taiwanese foundry. Samsung’s cells, meanwhile, are even smaller than TSMC’s. Overall, however, Intel’s 10nm process hits many of the key metrics as what both TSMC and Samsung are calling 7nm.

Individual chips may still have features that depart from these sizes due to particular design goals. The information manufacturers provide on these numbers are for a typical expected implementation on a given node, not necessarily an exact match for any specific chip.

There have been questions about how closely Intel’s 10nm+ process (used for Ice Lake) reflects these figures (which I believe were published for Cannon Lake). It’s true that the expect specifications for Intel’s 10nm node may have changed slightly, but 14nm+ was an adjustment from 14nm as well. Intel has stated that it is still targeting a 2.7x scaling factor for 10nm relative to 14nm, so we’ll hold off on any speculation about how 10nm+ may be slightly different.

Pulling It All Together

The best way to understand the meaning of a new process node is to think of it as an umbrella term. When a foundry talks about rolling out a new process node, what they are saying boils down to this:

“We have created a new manufacturing process with smaller features and tighter tolerances. In order to achieve this goal, we have integrated new manufacturing technologies. We refer to this set of new manufacturing technologies as a process node because we want an umbrella term that allows us to capture the idea of progress and improved capability.”

Any additional questions on the topic? Drop them below and I’ll answer them.

Now Read:

AMD Ryzen 7nm CPUs May Not Hit Maximum Boost Frequency on All Cores

Samsung Unveils 3nm Gate-All-Around Design Tools

Ice Lake Benchmarks Paint a Complex Picture for Intel’s Latest CPU

from ExtremeTechExtremeTech https://www.extremetech.com/computing/296154-how-are-process-nodes-defined from Blogger http://componentplanet.blogspot.com/2020/04/how-are-process-nodes-defined.html

#How Are Process Nodes Defined?

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