#i only really noticed it last night
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Hand flex this, rain proposal that WHAT ABOUT the half hug from behind lizzie gives her mother after lydia and wickham leave longbourn, i wanna talk about THAT
#i only really noticed it last night#and not to be tmi but that's the exact same thing i do with my mum in that kinda situation#i'm not gonna ramble about it in the taga bc i could go on and on#but that simple gesture and both their reactions are very underrated omg#common p&p 2005 w#pride and prejudice#pride and predjudice 2005#lizzie bennet#mrs bennet#jane austen
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We laugh at sci-fi for how it over-explains technology, but we also need to make fun of how Victorians describe any time period that takes place more than ten years before the book's publishing date.
It's like if we wrote like this about the '80s or '90s.
According to the curious fashions of the day, she wore a shirt of tie-dye print. It may seem quaint to our modern sensibilities, but such colorful styles were a common sight in any public street of those times.
At the time this story occurred, it was not uncommon for young men to wear their hair cropped closely around the face, but allow the hair behind the head to grow until it brushed the level of the shoulders.
In those days, the information superhighway was little more than a crude unpaved path, full of hazards and beset by brigands, so it is not strange that our heroine, instead of entering her query into the search bar on her browser, went to the public library and scoured the books on the shelves for the information she sought.
She and her friends went to the theater to see E.T. How strange to think that film was once at the heights of popularity and acclaim, as well-known in its day as films like The Hunger Games or The Avengers have become in the intervening time.
I get that the lack of video and audio recording made it harder for future generations to experience the details of the past, and that technology was changing their world at a faster rate than ever before, but also, dude, it was only, like, forty years ago, so maybe chill out a bit.
#books#victober#lol#i've noticed this a lot in victorian reading this year#and then last night a chapter of 'a struggle for fame'#involved the author exclaiming over how believe it or not#in the 1850s books like jane eyre were considered the best and most popular things on the market#with a level of acclaim that things like 'the woman in white' or 'lady audley's secret' have since enjoyed#and it really brought the issue to the forefront again and was really funny#also harriet martineau was listed as the other uber-popular author alongside bronte#so maybe i should seek out that title too because it was the only one mentioned i hadn't read yet
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I just remembered I can do whatever the fuck i want forever and ever. here's a bunch of miscellaneous drawings or whatever.
these two are just my general hc that when Ingo gets eeby deebied, Emmet takes over the singles line as well on alternating days and wears one of Ingos bajillion coats on single line days.
these three are from the other night of talking with my boytoy. we were talking about how Ingo and Emmet can probably perfectly(to untrained ears) imitate train horns and whistles. then we were talking about Ingo and his Big Feelings at a wedding and how he'd be sobbing in the corner the whole time. I like gogo a lot and his sobbing train noises
boytoy ate raw spaghetti. was bemmet type behavior. plus the starer.
the last two are because I think for the years Ingo is gone Emmet has been stretching himself thin running the station trying to juggle what both he and his brother would be doing and it leaves him EXGHAUSTED. When Ingo comes back and gets into the groove of things and he's able to even slightly relax, it hits him like a truck and he finds himself genuinely incapable of doing the tasks he needs to do. Gear Station is surprisingly more hectic for the first handful of weeks Ingo is back because Emmet isn't doing his duties. neat to me.
full doodle page btw.
#if you saw this in the sbms server. no you didn't. act surprised.#spenx lou art#lou is an artist#scratches my head. uhmmm. what else can I say#! the other notes about their train mimicry. Emmet can technically do them more correctly than Ingo. though nobody notices bc they r autisi#Ingo can do a perfect chugga chugga though. He also sounds exactly like a train when he's asleep. even better than emmet. only sleeping tho#emmet's breathing when he's asleep also sounds like chugga chugging. they are a train when asleep#they also have their own train calls. It's eachother names. Emmet's name has a harsher stop at the end and Ingo's has a hitch in it#sometimes if they find other people in the tunnels at night they terrorize people by making “ghost trains” where they just make train noise#they also did this when they were younger before they started working there. leading to rumors of it being haunted#I don't even like Ingo and Emmet I don't even care. can someone run them over#submas#subway boss ingo#subway boss emmet#subway bosses#subway master emmet#subway master ingo#ingo and emmet#subway master kudari#subway master nobori#whatever. who even care. tags are fine#man. I should really try finishing drawings sometime actually. I don't think I've finished something since like. last year. o1 wild#also hiii hi boytoy I know you'll see this. hiiiii pookiepie
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more previews of the thing i'm working on tehee :3
#i am really happy with lullah's model btw#but i will show once i am finished with this whole project hehe :3#i also noticed i've been finishing theses models faster the more i make them#i started and finished it last night so i only had to spend like 5 mins doing in game adjustments :o#very cool#qsmp chayanne#qsmp chayanne fanart#3d modling#wip#ok byyyee
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wah i looove their designs and animation...
#sketched last night looped ''hot air balloon'' track last night rewatched elemental last night you know just how it is....i love it all augh#elemental#elemental 2023#pixar elemental#elemental fanart#ember lumen#wade ripple#it's so fun how just going w/the flow waviness drawing a wade is Correct. some flamey shiveriness / jaggedness in ember's lines is Correct#and it's all the more fun how it's like oh ofc not quite hitting the mark of how great their designs really are....so so good#and of course the expressive elasticity not only with their faces but the way their bodies ft. respective elements can be expressive#in addition to just usual [assume you have a usual literal human body] expressiveness options in posture / movement etc lol#also was thinking about how like we know everything we Need to know re: wade & his dad but also have so [zero details there]#which is interesting to wonder about. kinda assumed like oh a parent got sick & died but now considering how it could've been an accident..#the tiny layer of A Reaction he has when ember's talking abt parents giving up everything for you: could be nothing much; or Anything#also noting i Didn't note the first instances that they hear each other's names or introduce themselves thusly lol#or at least i sure can't recall it. just start knowing the other's name partway through which Isn't A Problem but it's like#ooh just more to consider & reexamine. i love to pick up More Details & that's helped by my difficulty in catching them in the first place#one thing about me i don't Catch things i don't Notice shit i don't Get stuff. and also of course: i do though lol#always a trip when it's like oh i love this movie i'm seeing it probably the two dozenth time#and then i notice something for the very first time that was clearly straightup meant to be Gotten upon the immediate viewing#even to the extent that smthing later seems to be kinda happening out of nowhere if you didn't. & i'd just rolled with it#like ok i'm autistic ofc that's something i gotta do all the time. & the adhd means i might keep getting distracted around the same pts.
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what are your thoughts on nichu? (i think yao should NUT in kiku’s tboy pussy until he’s so full of cum it’s dripping out for HOURS
perhaps this is either extremely unconventional or maybe too conventional (i wouldn't know) but i'm a sucker for domtop japan specifically in the way absolutely no one would ever know that japan is a domtop. he radiates concerning levels of uke energy and his supple femboy body is tantalizing to even the weakest of alpha males, but he also has a bdsm chamber in his house and a sadistic streak almost no one can match. you think you're gonna top this guy but he'll have you crying sexy and calling him daddy within minutes of him closing the door.
anyway i think china is a brocon with some weird incest fetish going on and he has probably tapped japan more times than anyone can count and he's desperate to hold onto his superiority complex but unfortunately for him, japan grew up and went hmm. i top now.
#is how i view it at least#tho i don't really go here much so it's not like i'm married to this vision#i was talking with a friend last night about how japan is definitely an alpha despite all evidence to the contrary#so that conversation is mostly what this is based on#ask#nichu#i only just noticed that the reverse order is chuuni. lmao. chuuni indeed. on both sides
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I've gotten myself into a bit of a predicament where the new d20 ep was yesterday, and tonight is cr, but listen summer just started on my Meadowlands file and I have so much work to do–
suffice to say I am teetering on the edge of falling behind on these very long shows I have committed myself to and that is sooo dangerous for my adhd brain
#i think i could watch cr WHILE playing#cuz i dont really take ss during those. and also its just a bit more chill and podcasty#but d20 i cant. if im watching it im WATCHING it#theyre too fucking wild lol#also i only have a laptop. no desktop second monitor. anything i watch is on my phone#MAYBE i could put it on my switch for a slightly bigger screen but thats it#but nah i was playing sdv last night and noticed it was 1am and knew i was fucked lol#the hyperfixation goes hard#critical role#dimension 20#d20#stardew valley#sdv 1.6#sea rambles#i just got squash seeds yall im fuckin hooked
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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this time last year i was probably sitting in the kitchen while my dad started making an early dinner of chicken bolognese trying not to get too nervous about the concert i'd be going to in a few hours
#the nyc concert was last year. LAST YEAR .#thats so insane like yeah that feels like a year ago but good god the insane amount of stuff that has happened since#but god i remember that day so well#it was cloudy and a little rainy in the morning which made me ough thinking it was a bad omen and wouldnt be as fun#and i remember going to library and printing out my silly letters (i should have just. not done that lol)#and on the DAY OF on the way back home from the library#i even bought a cropped black blazer specifically for my concert outfit. havent worn it since lmao#and my dad and i even watched a movie at lunch#a short movie but a movie nonetheless. lol and even then i was like oghh my gosh excitement and nervousness#and then the car service getting there i felt so fancy and as the drive started the clouds were magically dissipating#so that it was a nice clear evening when i got to the theatre#and then all the insanity of the show. god i cant believe it still after all this time. wowie#going to listen to a playlist of the show setlist im gonna get emotional now. guys........#one of my fave memories is how everyone started standing up as they went into so may we start so i was like ok are we all doing this#and stood up too and then stood for the entire rest of the concert. i think the first 3-5 rows were like that for the whole show#surreal and insane i was front row. those guys were REAL and CLOSE#i was also very excited to notice russells new shoes :) when i wasnt like awooga (how i was 99% of the time)#there was one so may we start jump that was well. yeah. front row baby#i think after latte i was like ok i cant film i gotta just vibe#religious experience doing the 'ah ah ah's during that. really interesting#ok im not gonna go through the whole show again but wowie one of my most insane nights. second only to hollywood bowl#wow what a fun year it was. just so many incredible moments#ok yay 💖 happy one year to all that. love those guys so much#spars#ok not actually done beaver o lindy was INSANE LIVE!!! AS WAS EVERYTHING ELSE. so fun ok now done for real
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The prettiest princess
#I referenced his outfit in the episode Officers Only#mash#maxwell klinger#corporal klinger#my art#traditional art#His eyes are a bit too close together but I didn't notice until after I edited it and uploaded the photo here :(#I know the drawing is in black and white but sorry about him looking so white.#I messed with the exposure and brightness too much to get the lines to pop.#Anyway I've reached season 11 and am not looking forward to finishing the series. I need more seasons.#I've been rewatching episodes since I'd reached season 4 but finishing the series will make it feel different#I'm going to drag this season on as long as I can.#I watched s11e4 last night and didn't really enjoy it though bc it felt really undeserved and like a prank they'd usually pull on Frank#I really hope the next few episodes aren't like that but the jokes these past few seasons haven't felt very funny.#Especially the ones where everyone berates Klinger only to turn around and say how important he is.#I feel I've said too much on this post. My apologies to whoever read through all of my thoughts.
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This little bugger has managed to injure himself somehow and then rip the cut wide open by licking it, so he now gets the Cone Of Shame
#this is the third time in his 4 year life he's had to be coned#he really hates it :(#but also he cost me £180 for getting the would cleaned and stapled up so he deserves shaming 🤣#draco speaks#you can only see the wound when he sits up cus its on the front of his upper foreleg but it's pretty fucking gnarly#I *know* the actual initial injury must've been much smaller cus I would've noticed it when he came in last night#and then he must've licked the hell out of it all night while we were sleeping smh
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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I'm gonna be honest I never expected pokemon horizons to be up there as one of my favorite shows currently when I was first intrigued by it last april, but it keeps surpassing my expectations. I'm emotional.
#vi rambling#pokemon#its just. such a joy. i read the interviews with the voice actors last night and it filled me with so many emotions because like...#these voice actors Get their characters. and all the careful details i pick up are very much intentional on the writers and performers part#and its!! SUCH A TREAT!!! to see that the people working on it are just as enthusiastic about it as me.#the mystery being so well set up and the character arcs being so cathartic to watch i feel like im Rewarded for my analysis and noticing#all these details. its just so lovely.#also the fact that this series knows how to prioritize it's cast members so well? our trio is so so great. and i cant believe im saying thi#*this. but there isnt a single character in this series so far that i blatantly dislike. despite the cast being as large as it is.#hell it made me love characters i felt nothing for or straight up disliked in the games. the writing and characterization are that good.#because theyre all quintessential to the main cast's character arcs. idk i just. love this series a lot and im in disbelief it keeps#its level of writing just as high even now. even in this arc that lowered my expectations.#the interviews... bits that stood out to me were definitely ms terasaki noting that amethio looks miserable in the explorers (something tha#is only implied but is conveyed well enough because this series is great at nuanced storytelling)#and ms suzuki saying seeing rika animated made her really excited. me too. i get you. i still freak out whenever shes on screen#and of course their lovely analysis of the characters... mitsuki saiga's portion about liko especially. also anything by yoppi my goat <3#its just so great to see them appreciate everything and put so much thought into it. man im emotional.#and i say this carefully because admittedly im not huge on the dlc characters coming next chapter. but I'll put my trust in them.#dai sato having worked on bebop and samurai champloo definitely reflects in the writing quality.#anipoke
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#thinking back to last night I really do not notice how much taller tall people are than me#was hit on my a 20 yr old yesterday#and he asked me how old I was lol he was shocked when I said 23#he said ‘but you’re only a baby’ and put his hand down to show how short I am lol#it was hot but I’m not trynna get with someone my sisters age lol#still like I’m so interested in the perception like I just process everyone as taller than me or super tall those are the two categories#are tall people more aware of height difference then or am I just oblivious lol
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Took a nap, proceeded to have a nightmare. Very fun. I never know how detailed my dreams can get until I'm locked in an elevator, pushing every button to get out, unable to. And when it's finally pried open, I don't even know how it happened but there were multiple people injured. Anyway my dreams can fully produce the image of dead and injured people with blood and bones, organs showing. And I didn't know that until now. My description does no justice to what I saw and felt. So yeah.
#i just remember being in a group and we split off - and a terrible feeling washing over me as i ran into an elevator#trying to avoid someone who wasn't taking no as an answer and they were right behind me#i hurried and pushed the button to a different floor and it went down but when it stopped it didn't open#and none of the buttons worked including the emergency one#i could hear the other elevator working tho#and screams and shouts#someone banging on the elevator and i was then on the ground gasping for air#two people did pry the doors open after i don't know how long and i was met with the immediate sight of blood#multiple people and they were being treated about to be taken in#the last part i really remember is going to a bathroom and finding someone there dead and you can't see a face#their body was so mutilated that it was impossible to identify them#and i went back to my hotel room and i see my mom and i broke down saying i just wanted one night of fun#and i explained that i got stuck in an elevator when it happened#and they had to pry the doors open for me#and i only then noticed i had blood on me i fell at that point dizzy and woke up#a very interesting intense dream
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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