#i only got to do star tours once. not fair not fair. i need to go back and do it five more times

[fagtrickbateman]

3 and 11 !!!! ヽ(´ー`)ノ

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

answered here!

11. Something you want to do again next year?

ouughh... i would love to go to disneyland again. sorry, but i'm such a theme park fan, and i had so so much fun. everything was so beautiful and smelled so good and the staff were so nice. and so accommodating!! i brought my new rollator with me, and it was so awesome to have cast members see me and immediately know i need accommodations. it was so rad. aahhh... i really want to go back.

[mister0ctopus]

apart-mental issues part 1

mini series - jeon jungkook

Pairings: Neighbor JK x Reader

Summary: Just your awkward and embarrassing encounters with your next-door neighbor, Jungkook.

PART 1: burrito warrior fuck my life 5 stars thin walls tangerines what's in the box? mission: possible perfect! easy fix

Ratings: 18+ ONLY! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Warnings: Explicit language, Mature Contents

Au/Genre: Mini Series, Neighbor JK, Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 3.6K

a/n: inspired by when i moved to my new apartment and my next door neighbor wasnt jungkook :(

🐙 Masterlist / AskMe

apart-mental issues part 1

apart-mental issues part 2

apart-mental issues part 3

apart-mental issues part 4

🌯 burrito warrior

You did it!

After months of endless scrolling, awkward tours, and disappointments, you finally found the one—the perfect apartment!

No roommates? Check!

Near the bus stop, grocery stores, coffee shops? Check!

Near your school and work? Check!

Modern apartment with high-tech amenities? Well, not check.

The building’s slightly dated exterior gave away its age, but hey, it was well-maintained and had that cozy, lived-in charm. So,

Vibes? Check!

It’s your first night in your new apartment, surrounded by a sea of sealed boxes (except for a mattress you’d laid on the floor). You feel accomplished. The drive from your old place was a nightmare, and you’ve got exactly five boxes with you, mostly clothes, books, and some appliances. Everything else is apparently still “on its way”, thanks to online shopping apps! You’re so ready for this fresh start. New apartment, new life!

You’d even spotted your next-door neighbor earlier—a tall, cute guy with arm tattoos and a sharp jawline. An eye candy wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t seem to notice you as he checked his mail while walking to his door, and you were glad, given your limited social skills.

After a much-needed shower, you wrapped yourself in a towel and waited for your food delivery. Starving, tired, and ready to crash, you finally heard a knock at the door.

AAAhhh!!! My buritooo!!!

You had added a note to your order to leave the food by your door. When the knocking stopped, you sprinted to the door, too hungry to think straight.

You opened the door to grab the paper bag, but just as your fingers brushed the edge, your foot caught on the doorframe, and in an instant, you were slipping. Your arms flailed, grasping for anything to steady yourself, but it was too late. A loud thud sounded as your feet hit something heavy, followed by another crash.

Disoriented, you blinked and found yourself on the floor, head resting awkwardly against the door. Your towel clung to your damp body as you processed the scene: the potted plant that once stood proudly was now on the ground, soil scattered everywhere—and somehow, all over you. You groaned in disbelief, covered in dirt, your towel the only thing that kept you from being fully exposed.

Shit. Fuck. Great.

You didn’t move, your eyes squeezed shut in disbelief. The floor was cold against your skin, and as you stayed perfectly still, wishing this wasn’t real, a door swung open.

Your next-door neighbor.

Tattoos, sweatpants, an oversized shirt, messy hair—and ogling at the crime scene with his round, shocked eyes.

"What’s going on? You okay?"

His voice was calm but obviously concerned, which, honestly, was fair considering the sight before him: soil everywhere, woman on the floor, clutching a towel and burritos, hair wet.

It’s like a storybook with no text—just look at the scene and you’ll get the plot.

“Oh, uh…” you gestured at the mess. “Yeah, fine. Just… gardening at midnight. It’s a thing I do.”

He leaned against the doorframe, huffing. “Cool hobby. Very niche.”

You exhaled sharply.

"You need help? Didn’t break your spine or something? Here." He didn’t wait for a response, just offered his hand like it was the most casual thing in the world.

But you were too embarrassed to process any of it. You didn’t want help, didn’t want to exist, didn’t want to be perceived at all.

“Nope, I’m good. Just gonna lay here for a while.”

You wished you could just sink into the floor.

"Alright," he said, shrugging as if he’d offered you a hand, not a whole rescue mission. "If you say so. Holler if you need help, I’m right next door, as you can clearly see.”

He disappeared back into his apartment, leaving you on the floor with shame, dirt, and your burrito.

Never speaking to anyone here again? CHECK!

Once the coast was clear, you carefully got up, trying to shake the soil off your body, your towel clinging to you like it’s the only thing keeping you together. With a frustrated sigh, you reached for the door handle, but as your hand gripped it and you gave it a shake, you realized—it was locked.

You rattled it again, more forcefully this time, but no, it didn’t budge.

Locked out.

In a towel.

At midnight.

With a burrito in one hand.

“Fuck my life.”

🖕🏼fuck my life

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

You paced the hallway, trying to come up with the best course of action.

Minutes later, your next-door neighbor’s door opened again.

“You still out here?” His voice was casual, and you saw him standing there, now in a gray pajama set, holding a water bottle, looking at you like you were the weirdest creature he’d ever seen.

You tried to play it cool. “Oh, just, uh… admiring the hallway. Great maintenance work here. Big fan of this paint job.”

He tilted his head, clearly amused. He narrowed his eyes, “You locked yourself out, didn’t you?”

You stared at him.

Yes, observant king. Just goooo…

You groaned. But you try to sound optimistic “Yes, I locked myself out. But it’s fine! I’ll just wait here for the landlord in the morning.”

He chuckled, scratching the back of his head as his eyes scanned you up and down. "At midnight? In a towel? Freezing?"

You gave him a pained smile, doing your best to hold it together despite the chill creeping through your towel.

Leaning against the doorframe, he gave you a look that said he was mildly bothered by your situation. "I’ll call the landlord, but knowing Mr. Kang, he’s probably gonna pick up in the morning." He paused, then added, “Wanna borrow some clothes or something? You’re gonna freeze out here."

Before you could respond, he vanished inside his apartment. A few moments later, he reappeared with a pair of gray sweatpants and a hoodie, phone pressed to his ear.

"He’s not answering, but I texted him. Hopefully, he’ll see it when he wakes up. They should be able to send someone as early as 6 am.”

As soon as you had the clothes in hand, you quickly threw on the hoodie. It was so big, it reached your knees, so you skipped the pants altogether. It smelled so good you wonder what laudry detergent he used. Meanwhile, he was still fiddling with his phone, his eyes focused on the screen.

“You have no one to call?” he asked, clearly trying to come up with a plan to help.

You didn’t have anyone to call. Your friends and family were either overseas, or hours away, but you didn’t want to get into that. So instead of answering him, you decided to with your genius idea and ask the question that had been floating in your mind.

“I haven’t asked for your name. I’m YN,” you said, offering an awkward smile.

“Jungkook,” he replied, his attention still on his phone.

“Jungkook,” you repeated, testing the name on your tongue. Then, with a serious face, you asked him, “Jungkook, would you be able to help me if I asked you to break my door down?”

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 stars

"Alright, let's do it," he said, cracking his knuckles.

Jungkook was game. No hesitation. When you casually suggested the idea of him breaking down your door, he didn’t even blink—like he was waiting for you to say it.

He popped his phone into his pocket and strolled over to the door like he did this sort of thing on the regular.

You blinked. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” he replied, smirking like this was the most casual thing to do. "If you want the door broken, we’ll break the door. Let’s keep it quick, though. We don’t want to wake the neighbors.”

“Alright, door’s all yours,” you said, stepping aside and plopping down on the floor.

Jungkook was already squatting by the door, eyeing the lock with way too much focus. You, on the other hand, were sitting there, happily devouring your cold burrito.

He took a step back, raised his shoulder, and rammed into the door.

It only took one, or maybe two, solid hits before you heard the satisfying crack of the door frame giving way. The door literally flew open, and you casually took another bite of your burrito.

He stood there, hands on his hips, clearly proud of himself. "Easy peasy, lemon squeezy." He glanced at you, asking, “You good?”

You gave him a thumbs-up, chewing slowly. “Yeah, excellent work. Five stars. Thank you.”

With a grin, he answered you with a thumbs-up and said, "Welcome to the neighborhood," before heading back to his apartment.

You strolled into your now wide-open apartment, finishing off your burrito.

That night, you used some boxes to keep the door “locked.”

The next morning, you opened the door to find your landlord standing there with a toolbox. He blinked at the door, taking in the wreckage.

You shrugged. “Sorry. Had no choice. Next door helped me out.”

He scratched his head before getting to work on the lock. When he finished, he gave you a pointed look. “Just… try not to have any more emergencies with the door, okay?”

You smiled. “I’ll try my best.”

🎧thin walls

You started to settle into your new place. There were still a few pieces of furniture you hadn’t assembled yet, but it was starting to look homey and feel cozy. You adjusted to juggling school and work, finishing the classes you postponed last year to finally graduate.

But every time you remember your first night, you wince.

Almost naked, dirt all over you, lying on the floor like you’re auditioning for a disaster movie. Embarrassing. Okay, fine, the burrito part was kinda fun, especially when he casually broke down the door…

You even reenacted the part where you were lying on the floor, just to see how ridiculous you looked.

The incident kept replaying in your head, and the more you thought about it, the worse it seemed.

You couldn’t shake how embarrassing it was.

You were thankful to Jungkook, sure. He basically saved you, like some kind of real-life Spider-Man, but why, instead of just thanking him like a normal person, are you avoiding him?

You’ve been dodging him for weeks now, and every time you even think about it, you feel like sinking with the floor.

And because you had been avoiding him, you became familiar with your next-door neighbor’s usual activities—what time he left for work, when he normally came home, whether he had visitors over…

Sometimes he’d have friends over. You assumed they were playing and/or drinking because of the cheers, banter, and sometimes you’d hear them wrestling (?), based on the violent slaps or panicked “ouch, ouch, I’m sorry, please put me down, Jungkookaaa!!!”

You knew he had the same friend group because you had already recognized them by their distinct laughs. There’s the windshield laugh, and then there’s the one with the high-pitched, sharp, hysterical laugh that’s always accompanied by clapping.

Thin walls.

They could be pretty loud, but they usually wrapped up before around 11 pm.

One night, when you had to wake up early for class the next day, you were kept awake by a girl’s high-pitched, giggly voice.

“Oh my god, Jungkook, stopppp,” she squealed, clearly not wanting him to stop at all.

Then came the sounds you really didn’t need to hear—the soft creak of a mattress, her breathy moans, and a muffled, “Fuck, you’re so good,” that made your stomach churn.

You groaned, stuffing a pillow over your head. “Fucking hell!”

This continued until dawn.

The next night, it happened again. Different girl, same obnoxious volume. This one was louder, theatrical, like she was auditioning for something.

“Jungkook!” she gasped, her voice echoing through the walls. “Right there, oh my god—”

You shoved your headphones in, blasted “Deep Layered Brown Noise,” and flipped a middle finger at the wall separating your rooms.

This kept happening for two weeks! TWO WEEKS!!! You were so done. Angry and ready to lash out, you thought, God, give me a break!!!

🍊tangerines

You were never the confrontational type. You were more of the passive-aggressive girlie... until you exploded.

So instead of confronting him, you carried on avoiding him. That was until you ran into him on the stairs, arms loaded with groceries in two paper bags.

“You need help?” he asked.

“Nope, I’ve got it,” you lied, seconds before one of the bags tore, and your tangerines scattered across the floor, some rolling down the staircase.

Jungkook sighed, shaking his head. “You good?”

“Totally. Love chasing fruit in public,” you deadpanned, scrambling to collect the scattered tangerines.

He helped anyway, gathering what he could into his hands. “Here.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, avoiding his eyes. You spotted a few tangerines still rolling down the stairs but decided it was fine. You could survive being vitamin C deficient.

“You’re still getting used to this ‘living alone’ thing, huh?” he said, amused.

“Yeah, well, I’ll never get used to having loud neighbors,” you shot back, surprising even yourself.

He froze, just as surprised as you. After a moment of thought, he bit his bottom lip and turned to you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you could hear.”

“Well, now you know. Thin walls. Thin fucking walls,” you snapped, your weeks’ worth of irritation spilling over before you stormed off to your apartment.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Jungkook holding the remaining tangerines he’d picked up from the stairs.

You could tell he was about to say something—his mouth opened slightly—but you snatched the fruits, avoided his gaze, and quickly muttered, “Thanks,” before shutting the door.

📦 what's in the box?

You were just about to shut down from exhaustion as you reached your door after your late-night shift when you noticed a package sitting by your door.

A brown box.

Thinking it was just one of the things you’d ordered, you picked it up and fiddled with your keys to get inside.

But just as you held the knob, the door to your neighbor’s apartment opened. You panicked, your hand hastily sliding the keys in.

Oops. You'd already locked eyes with Jungkook.

He was standing there, grinning like a devil…

What’s he up to now?

In his hand is also a brown box, and based on the way it was crinkling at the top, it looked like it had already been opened, and you could see pink ruffles peeking through.

He strolled over to you, extending the box, and casually said, “There’s been a mix-up. This was delivered to me. I opened it thinking it was mine since I was expecting a package today, and it didn’t have a name on it, just the unit number. Sorry if I missed that.”

“Uh... okay?” you muttered, still not fully processing what was going on.

“I believe that is mine,” he smiled, casually gesturing to the box you were holding.

“Oh, okay,” you muttered, quickly swapping boxes with him. But the moment your fingers wrapped around your box and your eyes landed on the contents inside, your jaw dropped.

The entire box was full of pink toys—pink dildos, pink handcuffs, a penis-shaped headband, a pink gag, and… was that a penis-shaped stress ball? Who even invents this stuff? Genius! But oh my god.

You checked the box for any details, but nope—no name, just your unit number and address.

“It’s for my friend,” you blurted defensively, but your voice trailed off as the absurdity of explaining yourself hit you. Why are you explaining?

“Sure it is.”

You didn’t have to look at Jungkook to know his grin was now a full-on, teeth-baring smile. You could feel it.

Without saying another word, you quickly turned your back on him and hurriedly unlocked your door.

Once inside, you grabbed your phone, and angrily dialed the number for the suspect—

“Heyyy!” came the cheerful voice of Hwasa on the other end.

“Hwasa, I swear to God!” you started, feeling the panic rise in your chest. “Why did you send bridal party package to my new apartment?? We all agreed to send it to you!! Oh my God, my neighbor opened it, because our package got mixed up! He saw all those freakin dildos! Also, why didn’t they put a name on it?!”

“Girl, calm down! Why you panicking like this?” Hwasa said, her voice as chill as a cucumber. “First of all, I didn’t order it. It was Jen! Or was it Stace? Whatever! And it’s a discreet store, so they don’t slap your name on the box.”

“Make sure to fix this, okay?” you said, voice high-pitched with stress. “Send all orders to YOU from now on! I’m going to die of embarrassment here!”

“Oh my God, chill out! Why you so pressed about this neighbor seeing your fun box? What’s the deal, huh?” Hwasa teased, a mischievous grin in her voice. “Wait—hold up, is he cute? Is that why you’re shy shy?”

“I’ll tell you everything at the party, okay?” you huffed, trying to shake off the embarrassment. Then, you switched gears, like the best bridesmaids you are. “But seriously, we need to make sure Aera doesn’t suspect anything about her bridal shower, okay?”

🎯 mission: possible

Avoiding Jungkook became a serious mission. You had your reasons—perfectly rational reasons, mind you. It wasn’t like you were being dramatic or anything. It was just reason upon reason stacking up like a Jenga tower, each one reminding you why you needed to stay away from him and make sure nothing else added to the pile.

But humor me, you silently asked the universe: why did every encounter with him have to be either embarrassing or irritating?

Fortunately, you knew his schedule by now (thanks to the thin walls, but screw you still): he left just as you were getting up for school, and by the time you came home after work, it was late enough that he was probably already asleep.

No run-ins, no more awkward exchanges.

For three glorious weeks, your plan worked. You didn’t see him. Not once. It was bliss.

Lofi hip hop radio chill.

Jungkook-free, stress-free.

Perfect.

☕️ perfect!

It was one of those days that felt like it had lasted a year. Work was exhausting, your studies were an endless grind, and everything was going wrong. You got home, drained, and just wanted to curl up with a giant cup of coffee to prepare for your next round of studying.

But of course, your coffee maker had decided to just... stop working. Or something. And you had run out of instant coffee. Perfect.

You stood there, staring at it, willing it to work, until you finally snapped.

“Are you seriously kidding me?!” you screamed at the broken appliance, as though it would suddenly decide to come to life and apologize.

Frustrated, you suddenly craved some fresh air, so you grabbed your trash, decided to throw it out—along with the useless coffee maker—and unleashed your anger on the dumpster.

But frustration quickly morphed into full-blown rage, and for a moment, you felt like you wanted to fight someone. You were so angry that tears pricked at your eyes, as though crying was the only way to release it. But you wouldn’t.

So, instead, you kicked the garbage can. Only to hit your toes, causing you to squat in pain, while still hugging the coffee maker.

Now you were laughing, because the universe clearly hated you. Yes, definitely Mercury in retrograde. Nothing was fucking working!!!

And then, you heard footsteps approaching. You turned, and—of course—it was Jungkook.

Of all the days.

He gave you a concerned look. “You… okay?” he asked, tossing his trash into the large green bin.

“I’m fine. Just… you know, enjoying the ambiance. Haven’t really explored this part of the building.”

He stared at you, clearly not buying it. “Right. Well, if you need anything... I’m just next door.”

You gave him a tight smile and nodded, because, hey, if he didn’t see you having a full-on mental breakdown, it didn’t happen, right?

He didn’t see it, right?

🍬 easy fix

The next morning, you woke up with a headache and an overwhelming sense of dread, bracing yourself for another long day. You got ready, but as you stepped out of your door, you froze.

There, sitting neatly beside it, was your coffee maker. Placed in a box, looking all shiny and clean.

And taped to it was a note, written in neat, handwritten scrawl: “It was an easy fix – JK.”

You blinked at it for a solid thirty seconds. What the hell?

You picked up the coffee maker and set it back where it belonged, plugged it in, and saw the ON button light up. You stood there, clutching your chest, staring at the note.

Jungkook had fixed your coffee maker. Just like that. He never had to, but he did. Out of the kindness of his heart?

This was... sweet? Too sweet?

And now, you were feeling things—things you weren't supposed to feel. Things like gratitude mixed with an embarrassing amount of attraction.

Listen... don’t judge, okay? If you’re a child who grew up with busy parents, barely seeing them, and left to tend to yourself, acts of service like this are dangerous.

Because they make you feel important. And loved. And other things you’d rather not name because it’s better that way.

But, you’re feeling things.

And it's making you uncomfortable.

Next ->

a/n: lmk in the comments if you want to be added to the taglist. I’d appreciate it if you let me know what you think! <3 Thank you and happy holidays if you’re celebrating! :)

-🐙

[christinescupofcoffee]

dead man walking

chapter six: sky high

“I can't hear that song without thinking of him,” John confessed to Krista once they had taken their spots there near the front of the plane. “It's easily one of the best with them and him.”

“What song is that?” Alex asked from right across the aisle.

“Anthrax's cover of 'Got the Time',” Krista replied as she folded her hands over her lap.

“Oh, yeah, definitely!” Alex declared. “That whole record is perfect, actually.”

“What was your last one with Testament?” John asked him with his eyebrows knitted together.

“The Ritual.”

“The Ritual, that was it! For some reason, I kept thinking it was Souls of Black. Both of those albums were excellent, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, they were,” Alex said with a crooked little grin on his face and a slight nod of his head. “They each had their own unique feel to them.” Such a peculiar feeling to speak about a pair of records that he helped arranged and write from a different perspective.

“You must have a Midas touch,” Krista told him, “and everything you come across strengthens and shines bright.” To that, he shrugged.

“Just did what I could with the whole thing,” he confessed. “Because I was the kid of the band, imagine a young boy running around the whole entire place with a handful of crayons.”

She showed him a warm little smile and then she lowered her gaze to her breasts and her waist as it gently poked out over the safety belt. Alex leaned back in the seat with his inky black curls spread down over his shoulders. He sighed through his nose and he turned his head to the vacant seat right next to him.

At least he needn't worry about waking up another person next to him.

The plane took off from upstate New York mere minutes right before high noon: though it would be the middle of the night by the time they touched down in the British Isles, he didn't mind in the least if he spend a good chunk of that time in slumbering and he hoped that neither John nor Krista would either as well. He did wake up to the soft sound of the captain speaking over the intercom, though he never opened his eyes.

Maybe when he was feeling up for it he would take that book out from his travel bag. But the long flights left him rather weary regardless of anything he did. All the travels he had done with Testament up to that point. Every year, they toured and traveled, whether on the domestic front or overseas.

He wondered if he could be able to continue it onward into his later years: he had seen it done before to older rock stars, to people like Alice Cooper and Robert Plant in particular. The very nature of biology caught up to them at some point and their performances wavered as a result of the incessant movement.

Humans are a nomadic species, as he had always heard from his parents whilst growing up. In the very fabric of existence lay the need to move about and find a new place to be, even should his body wear all the way down to the fine threads.

Alex nodded off again, that time to the sound of John's soft whisper of something to the stewardess. In the back of his mind, mere moments before he fell back to sleep, was the memory of Peter in the alleyway there, and he wondered what on earth that man was doing there. If it had to be something he had to figure out himself because Krista was in no shape or form herself to do it, then he would have to take the task upon himself. Only fair to himself as well as Joey's legacy.

He awoke once more to the pained sensation in his stomach as well as his belt buckle pressed tight against his waist as if it was two sizes too small for him. He turned his attention to the window next to him: they must have been approaching the British Isles soon enough given the faint milky blue light painted across the lower part of the sky and the tufted rain clouds all underneath the plane. His teeth gritted, he stood up from the seat and made his way all the way down the narrow aisle to the tiny bathroom tucked in the rear nook of the coach section. The door swung open and Krista stepped out, and she showed him a smile.

“Hi, sleepy head,” she greeted him.

“Hi, mamacita,” he returned the favor with a yawn and a rub of his eye.

“How does the name Olive sound?” she asked him.

“Olive? For a girl?”

“Yeah. If the baby's a boy, I'm naming him Oliver. Either one'll work, I would think.”

“Olly,” Alex said with a nod of his head. “Olly Olly Oxenfree!”

Krista giggled at that.

“If nothing, I can always do a little nod to Joey in some way.”

“If it's a girl, you ought to name her Bella,” he suggested as he unbuckled his belt.

“Bella Belladonna?”

“Yeah, 'cause that translates to 'beautiful beautiful woman', you know.”

She giggled again and she patted Alex on the chest.

“This all could be far worse, you know,” he pointed out.

“I could be alone,” she stated with a serious expression upon her face.

“You could be all alone—you could also go through what my parents went through when my mom was pregnant with me.”

“What was that?”

“Her parents—my grandparents—wanted my middle name to be Samuel. Now combine that with my last name.”

“Your initials would've been—”

“Ass!”

Krista burst out laughing, as did the man closest to them.

“Yeah, and my grandpa was like, 'c'mon, it'd toughen the boy up! He'd have to prove himself a bit more!' But—lucky for me, my mom put her foot down and said, 'his middle name is going to be Nathan.' And the rest is as they say is art history. Anyways—I gotta see a man about a guitar.”

She giggled again and she patted him on the chest a second time. He ducked past her into the narrow bathroom and she continued on back to the seat next to John, who had fallen asleep himself. Over two months along, and at least the morning sickness had gone away with the passage of time itself.

One thing that remained etched within her mind was the look upon Peter's face when she last saw him prior to leaving for Europe, and when Alex was there at the house. The burning flame within his brilliant eyes, as if he wanted Alex strung upside down against the wall for being there at the house. She also never quite figured out whether or not Mrs. Jones told him about her pregnancy although it made more than perfect sense to make that assumption, even with Mrs. Jones and her status as a lonesome widow who took care of the house when she and Joey had left for an extended time; she never struck Krista as a gossip of some sort, though one would never take assumptions with them to the very end. She had called her before she left for the airport to meet up with Alex and John and her caretaker had gone away from her own place. She hoped that Mrs. Jones, in all of her stone blindness, would realize that no one was home and take action as needed.

She raked her fingers through her smooth blonde hair and she peered out the window right next to her, at the northern end of the Atlantic Ocean as it was about to blanket itself in sheer darkness in mere hours time, if not sooner than that.

She thought back to the last time she and Joey flew together to Europe, back when he sang for Anthrax. They had left Syracuse rather early in the morning and they landed in Cardiff, in Wales. Joey had fallen asleep in the seat next to her and he bowed his head a bit. The crown of curls upon his head appeared to her as a soft but fuzzy pillow for herself, though she couldn't do it with him for long given the sharpness of her elbow and hardness of her arm. They wound up cuddling next to each other on the rest of the flight there and he still fell asleep right next to her on the flight back.

It was a moment such as that that she missed his softness and the gentleness of his body.

She wanted to shed a tear for him, though she had long shed her tears and his body withered and wilted back into the earth from whence he came.

A soft rustling noise caught her ear and she peered back across the aisle to Alex as he took his spot there once more. He smelled fresh, as if he had just climbed out of the shower.

She meant it to him when she told him that he was a beautiful boy: and she couldn't stop with the stare directed at him and his side profile. The pointed tip of his aquiline nose and the fullness of his lips; the delicate softness of his skin and the lingering boyishness of his face and his body.

A beautiful boy, about to become a beautiful man.

He leaned back in the seat and he looked as though he was about to fall back asleep himself any second, but he never did. Instead, he stood up and he took his travel bag out from the overhead compartment. She watched him take a book out and he plunked it across his lap.

For the whole rest of the flight to London he stayed there with his nose in the book. She yearned for something herself, but she only had the movie they showed for the time being or napping right next to John.

Right before the stroke of midnight, the plane touched down and the three of them headed on over to their hotel for the night. John checked into his room and Krista led Alex to their own. Once she had stepped inside of the room, and he closed the door behind him, she lunged for him. She put her arms around his slender waist and she held her face right before his own.

“Krista—Krista, please—” he sputtered before she could kiss him.

“What's the matter?” she asked him in a hushed voice.

“Krista, you're pregnant.”

“So?”

“I'm just not really comfortable with this, to be perfectly honest with you.”

“Why? Because I'm carrying the baby of a dead man?”

Alex paused with his tongue rested upon his bottom lip.

“Yes, and—not to make light of this at all but that literally sounds like the line from an Exodus song or something.”

“Carrying the offspring of a dead man?” she retorted, and he giggled.

“Yeah!”

A knock on the door caught both of them off guard, and Alex opened the door part of the way, just enough for John to poke his head in through the doorway.

“What's up?” Krista greeted him.

“I think I just saw Josh—Josh—I forget his name,” he explained. “From Peter's band.” Krista raised her eyebrows in disbelief. She hadn't heard anything from Peter himself about a tour on their part, other than what he had already said about it as well as that one album they put out.

“I didn't know if you guys wanted to know,” John added with a slight shrug of his shoulders, “but now you do! He's down in the pub right across the street.”

“I didn't even know they were touring over here,” Alex muttered with a shake of his head.

“Me, neither,” Krista confessed in a low voice. “May as well go say 'hi', right?”

“Right!”

[explorersaremadeofhope]

I would like to know more about both your Star Trek Terror fic and your Crozier hates tinder fic please 🙏

omg okay so like, these are both a bit old, star trek terror fic is proper old, i think i wrote it in 2021, but im still hoping!! i had so much fun just working out the worldbuilding on that one and how the different characters slot into different roles, but then i ran up against my old nemesis The Actual Plot and was like 'hmm ok, i think i need to know a bit more about Star Trek TOS lore for this', aaaand that's where i stalled. it's fitzier, but like, eventually. very eventually. you'll see why from the snippet 😂

crozier hates tinder fic was me going 'why is there almost no modern au romcom rossier fic' and then having a very funny convo with some folks on discord about science nerds on tinder. that one mostly exists in vague outline form with a scene or two written out plus random details like 'james ross owns not one but several tacky early 2000s mugs from various places in the southern hemisphere, preferably with penguins on'.

snippets mostly below a cut because they got long (sorry about that)!

Star Trek Terror:

francis raised his brows, but said nothing. ignoring fitzjames' confused expression, he turned his attention back to the file in his hand. "i see from your service record that you've received several commendations for bravery in engagements with the romulans and the klingons." he looked up. "out of curiosity, do you speak klingon? or romulan?"

"ah, no, sir," fitzjames smiled apologetically. "i'm afraid i don't."

"i see. so your expertise lies primarily in firing at alien races, not communicating with them."

it wasn't a fair question, nor a fair conclusion. clearly taken aback, fitzjames blinked in open surprise. "sir," he began carefully, "i believe my qualifications -"

"your qualifications, commander fitzjames, are perfectly adequate. even impressive. for war." francis fixed him straight in the eye and held his gaze. "but don't let the repurposed nature of our ship fool you. we are a survey vessel. you will appreciate, no doubt, that the primary goal of any exploratory mission is to avoid bloodshed, not to excel at it." fitzjames drew breath to speak. francis ignored it. "put bluntly, commander, we don't particularly need a war hero. what we need is someone who knows how to calibrate a spectrometer correctly."

"with all due respect, sir," said fitzjames, once he was sure francis had finished speaking, "i think you'll find i have the requisite scientific training to apply for this post." he'd uncrossed his legs while francis was speaking and now sat ramrod straight. his mouth was pinched, his dark brows drawn together.

francis waved that away with a flick of his hand and a shake of his head. "this isn't a twelve-month patrol tour along the neutral zone, commander. we will be five years in deep space. sometimes uncharted space. in that situation, a man's merits on paper will matter far less than his personal qualities."

there was a pause in which fitzjames lowered his gaze to the floor, his jaw working. when he spoke again it was to a point just above francis' shoulder. the affable buoyancy had drained from his voice, leaving a gravel harshness which francis privately suspected was far more genuine. "i respectfully posit, sir," said fitzjames, "that you don't know my personal qualities, seeing as we've only just met."

francis' smile did not reach his eyes. "be that as it may. i'm afraid my decision is made, commander." he set his padd aside and folded his hands on the table. "thank you for your interest. and good morning."

Tinder fic:

“Well,” says Blanky flatly. “That's sexy.”

But as he reads over the message one more time, Francis’ heart is actually slowing down from its panicked gallop – his dread replaced with sheer relief at being given a topic of conversation he's fluent in.

“No, no, it's fine,” he says absently, staring at the words I'm thrilled we matched. “I don't mind.”

“Aye, you wouldn't, would you. What the hell are–” Thomas peers at the screen more closely. “Pinnipeds?”

“Seals. Well. Not just seals.” Francis looks up. “It's one of those things – all seals are pinnipeds but not all pinnipeds are seals. You know?”

Blanky regards him with the look of a man who absolutely does not. "Right."

After staring at his phone for a few moments longer, Francis opens the keyboard. 

Hi, he types out with deliberation. Thank you for – no. That comes off a bit pathetic, doesn’t it. Backspace. 

Thank you; likewise. Exclamation point? Does the full stop look dour? Cold? But he’s never been much of an exclamation point man. Likewise – I’ve always wanted to visit Antarctica. What

He stops typing, seized by a sudden fear. Hurriedly erasing the message draft, he looks up at Blanky. “Can people see me typing on this thing?”

“Fuck should I know, Francis? I’ve been married for twenty years. – Give us a minute, though.” Blanky pulls out his own phone and writes a text. Less than a minute later, his phone pings. “Hannah says aye. Also wants to know if I'm cheating on Esther.”

[infinitemonkeytheory]

I can’t believe they let Lizzo [play a flute owned by James Madison / twerk even though she’s not skinny / continue to exist as a Black woman].

I found this event [triggering / in violation of my need to only ever see thin white women on my timeline]. As someone who spends a fair bit of time yammering on about our nation’s heritage, it deeply offends me that [Lizzo seems to care about our nation’s heritage / a Black woman is now the Librarian of Congress].

Clearly this horrible event was a form of racial retribution. I know this because I believe life is a zero-sum game where [there are only winners and losers / only white people should put their lips on white people flutes / Lizzo should be as sad and lonely as my white nationalist substack subscribers].

Some people saw Lizzo playing James Madison’s flute and thought, Gee, what a nice thing that any normal person can enjoy. But this is the wrong reaction. Whenever anything happens in the world involving a prominent Black person, the correct thing to do is [immediately make it about myself / have a knee-jerk reaction I will never honestly explore / interpret it through my precious and lucrative lens of white grievance].

I don’t care if Lizzo is a [classically trained musician / popular and beloved artist / cultural icon]. Those things don’t matter to me, because when I look at Lizzo perform, all I can ever see is her [skin color / gender / body size], the three things that matter most to me when I judge a woman.

Speaking of which, what is a woman? Having given this question an unhealthy and inappropriate amount of thought, a woman is someone who should be [a virgin until she is married to a man / forced to give birth against her will / white if aquatic]. A woman is not someone who should [feel entitled to dress the way they want / dance the way they want / behave in ways that don’t please me personally].

I am absolutely qualified to make judgments on Lizzo’s performance, musical talent, and clothing choices because my only talent is [whining about white victimhood / obsessing about trans kids / podcasting about the scientific validity of Black mermaids].

James Madison is one of our most venerated forefathers, and in my anger over this Lizzo abomination, I’ve never once stopped to consider that President Madison [owned slaves / believed women didn’t deserve the right to vote / never once played his crystal flute]. And now that I’ve learned about the existence of this crystal flute, it seems very important to me that it should remain hidden away, just like [women who don’t conform to a Barbie standard of beauty / honest historical accounts about slavery and its enduring legacy / the truth behind my knee-jerk disgust response to Lizzo].

There are those who might take this event as an opportunity to celebrate the fact that Lizzo [actually cares about American history enough to tour the Library of Congress / is bringing welcome attention to the Library of Congress’s collection / is a multitalented artist and musician using her fame and powers for the good]. Me? I’m taking this opportunity to [embarrass myself, yet again, on Twitter / expose myself, yet again, as a petty and pathetic human being / enrich myself, yet again, off the dollars of people who still believe Trump “drained the swamp”].

At her Washington DC concert, Lizzo thanked the Library of Congress for preserving our history. She sparked international interest in its archival collection and inspired band kids everywhere to play their instruments with pride. What a sad episode for anyone who cares about this country. In fact, I feel quite ill. In a minute, I’m going to need [some smelling salts / to write yet another think piece about the catastrophe of wokeness / my comfort Confederate flag].

The Library of Congress should never allow someone like Lizzo to touch their archival instruments again. And that’s because [these instruments, which I’ve never given a thought to before today, are very important to me / Lizzo living her best life is something that makes me really mad / when I talk about our “heritage,” this is just code for “white people”].

[taechaos]

Freaky Idea

Pt. 2 of New Idea

pairing: Stepbrother!Taehyung x Fem!Reader

genre: oneshot, pseudo-incest, smut

synopsis: The last guaranteed day you have with Taehyung is spent with his choice of adventure. You learn a lot of things about the history of freakshows, and how much of a freak your brother is as well.

warnings: mention of murder and somnophilia, riding, manipulation

word count: 3.8k

When Taehyung agreed to being your slave for a month, he wasn’t lying. He was attached to your hip throughout the whole time span, obeying your every command without complaint. You didn’t deem him forgiven, but you can’t say you don’t enjoy his company and compliance. The whole month was a bliss for you.

The first week, the morning after the… event, you had him prepare breakfast for you and your mother walked in on him cooking an omelette for you. She was perplexed, and with her morning drowsiness asked, “You’re home?” before smothering him with a hug. Your father gave him the minimum acknowledgement, and it went by quickly with your mother being surprised every time she saw him in the morning.

The second week, he drove you around and paid for your every need. You don’t know how he has so much money, but you wouldn’t be surprised if he sells drugs or had robbed a bank. You decided to reward him by kissing his cheek every time he bought you clothes and jewelries per your request. He realized he enjoyed spoiling you, and took you shopping in different malls for 7 days straight.

The third week, you met his friend. You had insisted, and he gave in after a short while of you begging because it was difficult to say no to you and rules are rules. His terms were: 1. You're going to act like his girlfriend, and 2. You sit on his lap. Maybe you didn't get it, but his friend Namjoon didn't seem dangerous enough for you to be behaving the way you were forced to. Sitting in front of a burning barrel in the middle of nowhere, Taehyung and Namjoon smoked weed together while you watched them. The conversation was fun, and you wanted to see him again. Taehyung didn’t allow you to question the ordeal. Rest of the week went by a breeze.

Fourth week was relatively calm as well, and now Taehyung is on his final day of slavery. It’s somewhat melancholic for you because you don’t know if he’ll vanish once the clock hits 12. You’re sitting on the kitchen counter, swinging your dangling legs while your step-brother inspects the fridge to find you something for lunch. The two of you woke up late this morning, well, afternoon, and you don’t know why you feel so exhausted and sore. You’ve been feeling this way for a whole month now, but you’re growing somewhat used to it. 

“This bitch is empty,” Taehyung grumbles before closing the fridge and standing up straight. When he notices your soft pout, he slithers his way between your legs. “What’s wrong princess? Are you tired?”

“Will you be here tomorrow?” you blurt without beating around the bush and peek at him under your lashes.

His brow ticks as he tilts his head. “Did you want to do something?”

“Well, no,” you drawl, “I just wish… you were here more often.”

"You know I can't stay away from you for long," he counters your worries, "especially if you allowed me to…"

"Stop." You distance yourself by pushing him away; you don't want to think about what he was implying. You made it explicitly clear that anything remotely sexual wasn't allowed to be brought up when you were around, and he’s been sticking to that rule until now - to your knowledge, at least. 

“Stop teasing your sister, Taehyung.” your mother enters the kitchen while tying the knot of her robe, now checking the fridge herself. 

He rolls his eyes before turning to her and retaliating, “I didn’t even do anything.” You giggle to yourself and bite your fist. “Did I tease you?” he asks innocently with his neck craned in your direction.

“Yes, he doesn’t even make me breakfast,” you joke with a grin. 

“The fridge is fucking empty!”

“Language,” your mother warns strictly before taking out a box of frozen pizza. “And it isn’t empty. Could you turn on the oven for me, love?” You nod and arrange the heat to 200 degrees while Taehyung scoffs, “I can’t survive in a house with women.”

“Man up,” your step-father butts in monotonously. “You have to rely on your mother to cook to this day. When will you move out? Act your age Taehyung, you’re 21.”

The light-hearted atmosphere dims with the presence of Taehyung’s father. There’s a distinct contrast between your two parents, and you can understand why your step-brother is so rebellious around them. The only thing holding them together is their dedication to religion. 

He only huffs and crosses his arms in response as his dad grabs a carton of juice and a glass from the cupboard. It’s tense in the room until Taehyung leans into your ear and whispers, “I’m only here because of you.”

A light blush tints your cheeks at his sweet confession, although it also makes you guilty. He later convinces you to eat with him in your room, and it’s comfortable in your bed as you chomp on the slices hungrily. 

“Is there anything you want to do today?” Taehyung asks as he chews on his pizza.

“Let’s do something you want for a change,” you answer after swallowing. 

Though he hasn’t been showing any lack of interest around you, you are aware that you haven’t been doing anything fun by his definition. You’re worried that you’ve bored him throughout this whole timespan of being together.

A smirk grows on his face and there’s that glint of mischief in his eyes that you’ve missed. Fair, the last time you saw it was before he traumatized you, but you try not to think about it much like you ignore the constant ache between your legs. 

“There’s this circus,” he begins slowly, “I hear it’s interesting. Would you want to come with?”

You know he’s leaving something out, his cautious tone and aura implicit he knows something you don’t. But you nod anyway, because you still stupidly trust him.

Taehyung’s car is old and retro, but he must have upgraded the engines for how fast he is driving. You like admiring his side profile as he holds the steering wheel, but the view is much more interesting when he catches you looking. It’s a far location, and you’re out of the city by the time he parks his car in the woods. How did he memorize the directions when it took an hour to get there?

“We’re here,” he announces before shifting the manual stick gear with a screech. You exit the car and he is not gentle with the way he slams the door closed, so you do the same. You can see hints of red colors between the cracks of the thin trees. 

“Is it open?” you question apprehensively. The sun hasn’t set yet, but it should be getting dark soon in the evening. 

“Hasn’t been open for a century. You wouldn’t believe the amount of history this place has.”

He takes the lead in his steps, and you follow behind though your gut doesn’t approve. The path isn’t long, and only then do you see the circus when Taehyung moves aside. It’s run down, worn out colors in the curtains, broken glasses on the ground and the circus barely holding itself up. There’s a huge cannon in the middle of the stage, the tip balancing itself on the ground. It’s kind of creepy, but Taehyung doesn’t leave you in the dark for long.

“A lot of crazy shit happened here, you know,” he piques your curiosity, “the clowns were fucking freaks. Any type of physical disorder landed you in here, whether you liked it or not. Even for babies,” he picks up an idle shard of glass, “these were jars. They had deformed fetuses on display on a stand, but the wind must have fucked it up.”

“Deformed fetuses?”

“Yeah, like, conjoined and some other stuff.” You grimace at his description, although it stirs empathy in you. The 20th century sounds inhumane. 

“Are these real stories?” 

“Yeah. And the cannon: they rocketed people from this very bad boy,” he points at it before standing under.

Your stomach sinks as you panic, “It could fall on you!” You pull at his hand and the force makes your chests meet. He smiles down at you before pecking your lips. You stammer, a little mad as he chuckles before walking to a wooden wheel. He makes a star pose after stepping on the metal stand, stretching out his limbs to fit the whole circle. 

“This was the Wheel of Death; they threw knives at targets on this. I think they only targeted females actually...” He nods at you to replace him as he hops off. You go along with his idea and climb on the stand, though it creaks weakly. He takes out a pocket knife from his pocket and you’re about to yell before he hurls it at you. It lands above your shoulder and you immediately scold, “What the fuck, Tae?! Why would you do that! I could’ve died.”

He shrugs with a bright grin, clearly unbothered by your stressing. “My aim isn’t too bad.” He walks over to you and collects his floating knife. “Besides, when have I ever hurt you?”

You bite your tongue and purse your lips with a glare. 

“See?” he whispers. “You can’t even name one time…”

He’s teasing your silence, how you can’t even dare to voice the specific night. You haven’t even told your parents and slept with him right after, and he finds that so interesting: that you trust him with your life. 

“You actually can’t? Wow, I didn’t realize I was such a good brother,” he grins lopsidedly before snapping his fingers. “On with the tour.” He is enthusiastic as he struts past the circus. You shake your head with a sigh but follow him regardless. “So there were sword swallowers, acrobats, strongmen, anything that drew attention. They had a shit ton of accidents and deaths, but you would die if you got boring as well.” Taehyung holds back a bush to let you pass; the place he’s leading you to is a lot more crowded with sages and trees than the previous path. “Once the initial attraction wears off, you’re a goner. They couldn’t survive in that society with those deformities, so it was suicide either way.”

“That is so cruel,” you mumble sympathetically. “This place was like a fractured fantasy.”

“At least they lived for a bit… up until someone ended it.” When he pushes away the woodruffs, you’re met with another rundown site with a few… cages? “This is the trailer. Where they stayed and got ready for their shows. Some were held against their will, and slept with the animals in those cages.”

You gape at your surroundings in shock. The trailer is missing one side of the wall, and the rest have been vandalized with random phrases written in spray paint. You don’t give much attention to the torture cages, because the trailer has a lot more to show. It still has couches on the incomplete hardwood flooring, and Taehyung plops on one. The fabric is torn and dust rises the moment he’s on the seat. “That’s so dirty, Tae,” you pull a displeased face.

“Don’t be rude to the past occupants. Their ghosts might still be around.” He wiggles his fingers as if imitating a monster. He then pats his thighs, beckoning you to sit on his lap. You begrudgingly do so, and he wraps his arms around your waist before pulling you flush against him. “Any theories on how this shitshow ended?”

“Police intervention?”

“Something like that, I guess. One of the acrobats went nuts and shot everyone, so the place was shut down.”

“What?” you widen your eyes at him. “Why did they do that?”

“He was going to be replaced, so he got rid of the competition. Very chilling,” he casually states. “There must be some bullet holes in the walls, but we can check that out later.” His head snuggles into your neck while you’re still processing his words, but you go blank when he starts leaving feather light kisses on your neck. “Right now,” he murmurs, “I just want you to ride me.”

“Ride you?”

“Don’t act innocent, you know what I mean. You said I could choose what we did today… and I want to fuck here.”

“Taehyung… I specifically told you we aren’t allowed to do anything sexual. You hurt me last time as well,” you frown at the mention. 

“I asked you if I ever hurt you earlier. Did you say anything?” he asks condescendingly.

“No…”

“Why are you saying I hurt you now? Don’t tell lies, baby. Besides,” his hand slides down to your thigh as he speaks in a low, sultry voice, “I’ve been loosening up your cunt. You don’t even wake up at night anymore. It won’t hurt this time, I promise.”

You had an inkling, the stupid inkling that you tried so damn hard to brush aside. “You fucked me in my sleep?” you force out, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. “And you brought me here just to–”

“Christ, no,” he cuts you off offendedly, “I’m not that sick in the head. I didn’t plan it, but I can’t say I wasn’t hoping. It’s not like I’m going to rape you.”

“You did it once!”

“I was on a lot of drugs then! I’m clean now,” he huffs in irritation. “I’m sorry about that, and I know my apology is long overdue or whatever, but give me a break. I’ve been into you since I was like 16.”

You turn to look at him - really look at him. There’s not a trace of guilt on his face; the roots of his messy teal hair have grown out; the beauty of his naturally downward lip corners; you don’t know what to think. Your mind is a mess because you don’t know what to make of his confession. He has manipulated you countless times, coerced you into doing things you would never do, and for once you reflect on his personality. This could be one of his schemes in order to get you to do what he wants, and ironically, he was supposed to be doing that for you. Through all of your scrambled thoughts, you only muster a meek “really?”

“Yes,” he affirms, “that’s why I want to be intimate with you.”

Lies, lies, lies, you think before gently pressing your lips against his. Despite your attempt at kissing him softly, he doesn’t cooperate by instantly sucking on your nether lip with vigor, his hands immediately meeting at your hips to gently rock them against his crotch. He bites your lip before swiping his tongue against it, coaxing, “Suck on my tongue.” The awkward angle from where you’re kissing him makes him turn your body to completely face him, your knees landing on either side of him on the uncomfortable chair. It doesn’t matter, because you’re starting to forget the whole setting, just about everything except for him as arousal begins to seep in. Heat pools in your stomach at the switch in mood, and he’s enjoying your compliance as he quietly moans into your mouth. 

While you’re busy relishing in his swirling tongue, he starts tugging down your pants and you help him without looking. You sit up to push it down your ankles and throw it on the floor along with your panties. “What’s gotten into you?” he chuckles breathlessly before leaving wet kisses on your lips and pulling away to take off his wrinkled shirt. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, equally breathless.

“I don’t know, you’re just… so hot when you’re horny.” His boyish smile grows on your flustered face as he says, “Take off your shirt. Wanna see those pretty tits again.”

You bite your lip to suppress your insecurities, but it doesn’t help when you’re left in your bra as you cover your chest. “Don’t be shy now,” he teases knowingly and removes your arms before unclasping the garment. “Take out my cock now.” His tone is gentle with encouragement. You unzip his jeans timidly, but your eyes grow in wonder at the outline of his erection. “I’m so hard for you,” he assures you in a whisper and takes your hand in his to rub himself. “You’re so pretty, and sexy. I fucked you every night because you’re just so irresistible. You understand, don’t you, baby?” 

“I… Yes,” you agree and finally push down his briefs. His throbbing cock stands proudly and you’re intimidated by the size until he murmurs, “I won’t hurt you.” He lightly touches your bare pussy, slick with your arousal as you shudder. He coats your vulva with all of it, giving special attention to your clenching hole as he inserts a single finger. “Does it hurt?”

You shake your head, and you’re confused by the lack of pain and the desire for more. It feels good and that is a surprise for you as you sink down lower on his finger. He curls it, adds another finger and stretches your walls, emitting a moan out of you. You’re liking it, and you don’t know why; he was so cruel the last time that you were convinced something would go wrong now. Nothing does, and if anything, his fingers make you feel the best you have ever felt though it is not enough. “More,” you beg and he replaces his fingers by pulling you to the head of his cock. He’s staring right at you with hooded lids as he rubs it up and down, making you release a needy whimper. “Please, Taehyung.”

And like the slave he was meant to be, he shoves it in with a grunt. Your scream catches in your throat at the initial sting, but it’s worth it when he screws his eyes shut in pleasure and bites his lip to hold back a groan. He looks angelic under you, although he is anything but. You realize he is waiting for your cue to move, and it flutters your hearts because he is more attentive to you this time. Rather than letting him take the lead, you act on your instincts as you roll your hips. It’s unsteady at first, the foreign position making it difficult for you to adapt to so fast. His audible quick breaths encourage you to take your time in angling your pelvis comfortably, and when an involuntary moan leaves you, you place your hands on his shoulders before sticking to the current stance and going up and down on him. 

“Oh shit, you’re doing so well,” he praises you between gasps, supporting your body with his hands, “feels so fucking good. My good girl.”

It gets to your head, how much he’s enjoying your motions. He meets them with thrusts of his own, perfectly hitting your cervix and blinding you with pleasure. What is it that makes you feel so wonderful in this situation? Is it the touch, or the complimentary fact that you’re the only person Taehyung wouldn’t get bored of? 

Could it be that you’re two of the same?

Maybe he’s the one desperate to please you, you think as he massages your breasts, flicking your hard nipples with his thumbs so graciously. The eerie silence is broken by both of your loud moans, ecstasy sensually building up in knots in your stomachs. Sweat accumulates on your forehead, your hair sticking to your face but not hiding the sight of his erotic expression. You arch your back and grind down on him, and he’s limp on the loveseat as he takes all that you give him so submissively.

It’s your turn to use him, and you actually start understanding what makes him so rash and impulsive in hopes of receiving this amount of serotonin. It’s worth it, the release of control and morals to be with him. “Taehyung, h-how did you do it?” you moan. “Every night, what did you do?”

“I,” he tries to catch his breath, “I used my fingers to stretch you out. One finger, then two, then three.” He groans and thrusts into you fast and hard, “I fisted you at some point, and you came in your sleep, and then on my cock. Moaning and whining every fucking night, like some filthy whore.” You mewl at his crude words. He’s so obscene with you, and you clench your walls in response. “You like being my whore, hm? Little freak.”

“Yes, yes,” you confirm in a whimper, nodding your head as you pass the dominance onto him. He’s fucking into you while you stand on your knees, eyes rolled back with drool about to drip from the corner of your mouth. He starts to rub your clit and kisses your neck for you to tighten around him over and over again; it’s heaven in an empty graveyard. It’s so fucked up, yet he can’t stop. You’re panting as he manipulates your body to mold with his. “I’m close.”

His hands fall on your ass, greedily kneading it as your hips begin to stutter, your orgasm climbing up just as your energy is falling down. It hits you like a truck: the peak of pleasure, accompanied by a silent scream, nails digging into his skin as your muscles tense. “Fuck,” you breathe once his thrusts begin overstimulating you, but it’s not for long as he shoots his load inside you with a groan. He’s twitching as his erection becomes flaccid, and you feel it as he pulls out. 

“Bet it didn’t hurt,” he jokes while you recover from your climax. You’re leaking with his cum and he uses his shirt to wipe you clean, making you shake from how sensitive you are. “I’ll buy you the pill on the way home.”

“Thanks,” you plainly say and stand up to pick up your clothes. You’re trembling slightly and a little achy, but it’s nothing compared to losing your virginity. 

“What? You gonna give me the cold shoulder now?” He’s only in his loose pants and has his shirt thrown over his shoulder. He buckles his belt while you put on your bra. 

“Why did you make us act like a couple in front of Namjoon?” After hearing his confession, the interaction before bugs you.

“What do you mean?”

“Is it because you didn’t want him to think I was single? Because you like me?”

“No, he’s a convicted felon. Crazy motherfucker killed his ex’s new boyfriend,” he reveals with a scoff. “Besides, if you like me, you’d like him as well.”

Putting your shock aside, you realize one thing: Taehyung doesn’t want to be replaced. Does that mean you hold power over him? Or will he do anything at any cost to be in your life?  Regardless of your internal monologue, you only reply with, “who says I like you?”

It’s a joke, and he knows it. As promised, he buys you an emergency pill and another shirt for himself on the way home. His days of slavery are over, and you wonder: where will he be tomorrow? Maybe take his father’s advice… 

[andydona-chan]

Bad, bad treat!

Read it at AO3!

Scratching a bit on the wall with the spatula, Danny sighed, he had been trying to remove the mix of candy and ectoplasm from the walls on Fenton Works for at least 3 hours now. He was tired, but the memories from the day before still made him smile, so he supposed it was worth it.

Looking back at what happened, he should have seen it coming, he sighed and turned to look at his two best friends, Tucker and Sam were helping him, and even though Tucker looked like he was melting with all the activity this required and Sam, with red-tinted cheeks from the sun, who was just spraying the spots with a Fenton ecto-removing formula were also tired, they also didn’t seem to regret what happened.

Danny chuckled a bit and thought back to Halloween night (aka yesterday), the three of them had been planning on what to do for that night to make it a very interesting trick or treating experience.

While both Tucker and Danny had spent a good portion of their budget to buy candy (in which only half of it actually went for the trick or treating basket), Sam and Jazz had worked together to create a spooky corridor from the entrance and down to the lab. Jack and Maddie had been invited to talk at some conventions, the convention was actually for horror movie fans and ufo theorists and the sort, so it was nothing too serious but it will keep them out for the following three days, leaving them alone for the best night of the year.

Using that as an opportunity, they made the ghost portal the biggest attraction. Jazz of course had taken some ‘security measures to prevent things from going downside, or so she thought. The corridor that Tuck and Danny had to assemble (girls designed, so they built) guided people through some weird-looking plants and spider webs, also some splats of glow in the dark paint that looked like ectoplasm had been on the paper-made walls. The black light and some of the rumors about the portal made it for a very good-looking spooky place, especially with the lights off.

Danny and Tucker had both dressed up as scarecrows and were sitting about a meter away from the portal, there was a line there that said do not cross and they were supposed to stop any curious kid if they tried to go near. Danny had the candy basket and from time to time he would move and scare some children. Jazz and Sam were taking turns helping people go down while talking like a witch and a vampire, which helped prevent a big amount of people from coming and going.

It seemed to be working, at least until a ghost was detected nearby. Danny turned to look at Tucker who just shrugged and looked at him. Danny was sure the ghost hadn’t entered from the portal because it was closed, but natural portals were now becoming a constant so he still needed to go and check. He transformed and left the basket on the chair they’ve been using to allow Tucker to continue with the act.

Turns out it was just Johnny and Kitty, who had tried to pass as teenagers going trick or treating, they hadn’t really used their ghost powers or influence to get candies and they actually seemed to be having fun, so after negotiating a calm night with the pair Danny went back to his place. He flew around the place once before turning invisible and intangible to give the people outside something to talk about, however, when going back, Tucker was on the floor, placing the candies back on the basket.

“What happened?” Danny asked returning to his human form and helping Tucker with the candies.

“Youngblood,” he said with a frown, “just a moment ago the portal opened and he tried to kidnap the basket, so I tried to stop him, we were pulling on the basket for a moment, who would say that kid almost pulled me into the Zone, however, I negotiated to give him a handful of sweets and the brat just let go of the basket, thus the mess. He took the candies and left but yeah, nothing serious.”

“Well, at least it wasn’t anything worse and no other ghost came out right?” They finished lifting the candies and Danny placed the basket on Tucker’s arms as he sat.

“Yeah, the girls stopped the tours when the alarm went off, Sam just came to make sure I was okay and left, they must be on their way down again” Danny nodded, at least Jazz’s plan had been good so far.

“Let’s keep it spooky then”, said Danny posing again as a scarecrow. It was no surprise that after a couple of children, some teenagers also started showing up, Paulina and Star, Dash, and even Wes walked down to get candies and then left, by ten pm they had run out of candies, and people on the streets with children were less and less.

“Wow, no big incidents tonight, talk about good luck!” said Tucker after they closed the door.

“Yeah, it was also fun, not creepy and full of horror as I was expecting, but it was alright,” said Sam pulling candy from an inside pocket on her vampire cloak.

“And with all the safety measures we took, nobody got hurt, abducted, or lost in the Zone, so there’s that…” said Jazz, cut short by Sam’s scream of pain.

“What in hell…?” Sam had thrown the popsicle she had just removed the cover off to the floor and was looking at one of her fingers covered in blood, she turned to look and Danny and showed him her tongue, for a second he thought she was joking, but then he saw there was also blood there.

Tucker had gone to lift the popsicle from the floor. “That stupid thing bit me,” said Sam, and Tucker retracted from where he was about to pick up the candy. It was Danny who then moved and went to get the candy from the floor; he lifted it and touched the strawberry glassy surface of the candy, only to have it open something like a mouth trying to bite him too…

He then turned around and looked at Tucker “Dude, did the candies enter the Ghost Zone when you were dealing with Youngblood?”

Tucker opened his mouth to answer but then lifted a finger and cursed silently, it was then that they heard people screaming. Danny, Sam, and Jazz shared a look, this was a big problem. In a minute they were making a plan, with a net to pick up the candies the girls were going to visit and or try to locate the people with the candies, Danny and Tucker had to sacrifice their share to replace the contaminated ones, so they left and started doing their own trick or treat route.

Some people were already looking for them, some other people were screaming in their homes, in a matter of minutes there was chaos in the streets of Amity Park. “How many people went to the house today?” asked Danny while trying to catch some of the candies that the people were running from.

“I didn’t keep count,” said Sam, “but it was a lot!”

While she tried to catch some of the candies with the net Danny had an idea. “The shield, people will be able to go into it and it will stop these, let’s get them there” Jazz and Tucker who were also nearby heard him and took off towards the house telling people to follow them.

Jazz made sure to turn on the shield and cover the housing ratio, Tucker was calmly telling people to go in, and just as expected the ghostly candies couldn’t follow. Danny used that moment to go ghost, and tried to use a shield of his own to gather all the candies. These allowed people to go back to their houses, some of them grabbed candies from the non-contaminated pile, but others just left and the ghost shield on the house was turned off.

At that point, Johnny and Kitty showed up on the motorcycle. “Wow, the first time I see treats become tricks on Halloween night,” said Johnny, “but I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he said pointing ad Danny’s shield full of furious candies.

“Why?” asked Danny.

“Candies can only support certain contamination level, they’re not made to keep it for too long, that’s how we can eat the candies, they dissolve and become part of us, but when not part of a ghost and with a constant increase of contamination made by an ectoplasmic shield, they’ll just… boom!” said Kitty as a matter of fact.

Just then Danny looked at the contained candies in the shield, as if Kitty’s words were a command, some candies started exploding like popcorn, Danny let go of the shield, however, the candies didn’t fall, instead, they remained floating and started exploding, splatting candy and ectoplasm everywhere but mostly onto Fenton Works, some of the most colorful ones creating something that looked like fireworks.

Jazz, Sam, and Tucker were already inside, and if the look of horror on Jazz’s face was something to go by, this was going to get him grounded, it didn’t escape him, however, how his friends laughed at the whole thing, Johnny and Kitty went back to the Zone shortly after the show ended, but Danny entered covered in a sweet mixture of candy and ectoplasm.

Jazz had only asked him to make sure the house was clean before their parents arrived, something that by the looks of it was still going to take time. The ectoplasm candy he was trying to get off finally gave out and fell to the floor, he lifted it and placed it inside the ghost proof trash bag they were using, then reaching inside his pocket, Danny pulled out candy, the green-yellow candy screamed at him once and he threw it in his mouth, Tucker and Sam looked at him with disgusted faces, but he just shrugged.

“Someone’s got to eat all those sweets,” he said smiling. Sam, Tucker, and Jazz had found themselves with some ecto-contaminated candies after the whole thing, and Danny was supposed to get rid of them, but the ectoplasm actually gave it a different kind of flavor, he had been unable to keep his share of candies from Halloween, so it was only fair he at least had those.

[writing-gifts]

both sides of the viewfinder chp. 1

adult film star!bruno x afab!reader  (they are also gn)

this is 18+ content

summary:  Bruno's interested in you and you're interested in him. It's only a matter of time.

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4

------

A/N: okay so this is gonna be 3 chapters. the last chapter’s smut, but there’s pretty suggestive stuff happening in the 2nd chapter

i did research for this and wanted to try to make it more on the realistic side but there's always the chance that i messed up somewhere, so if you wanna point it out go ahead. it'll be good to know for the future!

------

This wasn't your first time filming for sex work but you felt a little out of your element. The studio that recently hired you was much bigger than what you were used to and considering that you were mainly doing freelance work before, this made everything feel much more professional and serious. Their work had to be highly produced.

"--We aren’t super strict about that, but you should definitely tell me before you go anywhere."

Right now, you were being given a quick tour by one of the people you'd be working with--the Director of Photography. Jocelyn was pretty much your manager and would be giving you most of the orders.

You continue to follow behind her as she continues to show you around. But you couldn't help eyeing the high quality lights and cameras you pass as she talked though. The equipment must have been worth a lot.

Once she has finished showing you around, she leads you back to the set filled with the crew that you passed earlier.

You listen closely as she goes over the details of the film.

"This will be the room where the main scene will take place. Today we will have you operating one of the stationary cameras, but since you’ve done stuff like this before I decided to let you do it without someone breathing down your neck. Just follow my orders."

You like the woman already. "Thank you."

"The shoot will start in--" she checks her watch, "--about an hour. Today is just filming for you but you know you’ll be doubling up as a runner when necessary. We might also have you help with other tasks while you work here too."

You nod to show you understand.

She smiles, "If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask me or any of your co-workers. Try to avoid asking the director though…."

-------

You adjust the headphones on your head as you stand in front of the camera you'd be in charge of today.

Working it should be simple enough since you didn't have to actually move. You just needed to make sure it stayed in focus so they had more options when it came to angles.

About 10 minutes later, the two actors starring today show up dressed in fairly nice clothes that they wouldn't be wearing for too long. One of them seemed quite friendly with everyone. He must be pretty popular you think.

Before you can recede to your thoughts, you recognize him.

Is that Bruno Bucciarati?

You quickly confirm that it is and turn your body away from him and towards the camera, as if doing that would hide you. You weren't necessarily a stan but you did follow him on social media. And perhaps you did subscribe to his OnlyFans. And there's a good chance you paid money for some of his work.

It wasn't your fault that he was one of the few male stars you found attractive!

You shake your head. This was work. Don't get starstruck.

Luckily, it doesn't take you long to get distracted with the camera. You rarely get to operate such expensive equipment like this so you find yourself looking at all it had to offer.

While you neglect socializing with the people you would be working with from now on, someone comes up to you.

"You look so focused."

Your eyes widen from the sudden voice and you pull down your headphones as you look to the side. "Oh sorry--" When you see who it is the rest of your statement dies in your throat.

However, Bruno isn't deterred by your abrupt stop. "You must be the new camera person."

You stare a second too long before nodding.

He holds out a hand and you have to calm your shaking one before reaching out and grabbing his. His hand was really warm.

“Nice to meet you, my name's Bruno Bucciarati."

"I'm ____. I've actually seen some of your work before! You really are as handsome as in the videos."

Even though you're straight-faced, you were regretting what you just said. It was a simple compliment but what if it was too much? His looks did astound you though, there was no denying it. And you really didn't understand how he managed to pull off that haircut.

You smile to ease the tension within yourself and Bruno returns it. Whether it was genuine or out of politeness you didn't know, but it helps you relax.

"Thank you," he says.

“Okay everyone get in your damn places! We’ll be starting soon!”

Your brows raise at the director’s choice of words.

Bruno turns back to you. "Well, let's do our best to get through this."

You nod and watch him walk towards the bed where his co-star is waiting, and the director immediately starts going over what he wants the two of them to do once he’s there.

You decide to do a quick second check on your camera to make sure everything is still working properly before waiting patiently for the director to start.

------

Between some cuts and breaks, filming’s done about 6 hours later. You’d been informed about the typical work time so you weren't surprised. The porn from this studio was highly produced, with a few “amateur” looking works thrown in, so it was the norm. But this was the longest you had worked on one film. So depending on how particular the director was, you would need to be prepared to do at least several hours of filming when behind the camera.

You rub your eyes. It's only 4 pm but you're yearning for your bed. You could only imagine how tired the actors were.

Right after you turn off the camera, Jocelyn calls you over.

"You did well today and looks like you don't need any serious training. Good job!" she praises.

You guessed you passed the new hire "test". That gave you a bit of an energy boost and you can't help the smile on your face.

While you remove the camera from its tripod, you begin to retreat to your mind. And of course, your mind wanders to a certain actor.

Bruno was good at what he did. Really good. And the other actor seemed to genuinely enjoy working with him too. For a second, you wonder what it's like.

You glance up and accidentally make eye contact with a now fully clothed Bruno. The man walks towards you and even though you had watched him just have sex for multiple hours, you feel nervous.

“What’s up?” you ask when he's close enough.

"Nothing. I like to check up on newcomers, but you must have worked in this field for a while since they usually tend to have some hang ups."

"Uh yea. I've been doing stuff like this for awhile. Good work today by the way."

"Same with you. It was long but things went as smoothly as they could."

You nod in agreement and finish folding up the tripod. “They did, but honestly that one position you were in looked super uncomfortable! Is your back okay?”

The man laughs. “I'll be fine. That was pretty tame to be fair.”

“Wow, you must be super fit or flexible then...” You notice your coworkers walking off with equipment and decide its best to end the conversation so you can follow them. "Oh, I need to put away this stuff. Thanks for checking up on me though!"

Bruno smiles at you and you scurry off with the camera and the tripod.

-----

You'd been here a week so far. Each day varied with things to do and you never really knew what you'd exactly be working on until you got to the studio.

For today you had a list of various tasks but the first one was conducting a pre-shoot interview with the actors for the porn being shot in an hour.

You look through the viewfinder at the two men sitting on the couch. You were already recording but the interview hadn't started just yet.

“It’s been awhile since I've done an interview so bear with me...” you mumble while going over the questions in your head.

“No pressure ____,” Bruno says.

The man doesn't seem bothered but Prosciutto, on the other hand, isn’t as laid back.

“You should at least have a list of questions prepared,” the blonde says.

"Yep right here!" You pull out a piece of paper from your pocket. From the list you could tell this collaboration had been long requested by their fans.

“I did my best to remember it but just in case��” You place the paper on a surface out of view.

You readjust the camera on your shoulder before speaking again. “Okay, let's start with names you say.”

You focus the camera on Bruno. You wish you had a tripod, but they were insistent on having you walk around with the damn thing to make it feel more “personal”.

"I’m Bruno Bucciarati."

You then turn the camera to focus on Prosciutto.

"I’m Prosciutto."

“So I know this is the first time you both are working together. How are we feeling?”

Bruno smiles. “I'm feeling pretty good and ready to work. How about you, Prosciutto?”

“Pretty much how I do before any shoot.”

“And what's that?” you ask.

Prosciutto crosses his arms. “Mostly relaxed but looking forward to it of course.”

"That's good. I know it'll be tiring filming and from how highly requested this seems to be, the director's going to want this to be perfect. But I'm hoping you guys still have fun."

"I'm sure we will, but I still don't know why so many people wanted us to work together," Prosciutto says.

Bruno nods. "Agreed. I feel like we’ve rarely interacted until now."

"Well people like seeing attractive people together. And I've actually seen fancams of you two interacting on Twitter. It's pretty entertaining!"

“You search those up?” Bruno asks.

“No, they just show up on my timeline sometimes.”

“...So you're a fan of Bruno then?” You weren't sure why but you sense a bit of judgement coming from Prosciutto.

"A little, but let's move on." You take a peek at the paper. "So who’s receiving and who’s catching?"

You raise a brow at how the question’s phrased.

Bruno looks at Prosciutto. “Don't you think we should let the film speak for itself.”

The blonde hums in agreement. “If they need to know so badly, they can skip ahead.”

“True. I think either way would be fun to watch though,” you say.

“Definitely. You should let me know what you think later.” Bruno says.

You don't mean to smile but it's already happening. "Sure."

“You're real unprofessional flirting with the camera person in the middle of an interview,” Prosciutto chides.

“It's just some banter. Are you jealous?”

Prosciutto tsks at Bruno's statement.

You shake your head deciding not to acknowledge those comments. The editor would have to cut out that bit. The two seemed to get along well enough for work but you had a feeling they would get on each other's nerves if they stayed together too long.

“Okay so this is definitely a good question to ask next. What do you guys like about each other? Either personality or physical wise."

Prosciutto glances at Bruno before speaking. “I can admit that the man has a nice….physique.”

You grin. "You sound like I'm putting a gun to your head."

The man fixes you with a very unamused look but you continue on smiling.

"What about you Bruno?" you ask.

“Well he has an attractive face and body, of course. His stubbornness is enjoyable at times too.”

“Stubbornness?”

Prosciutto seems to have the same question as you because he looks at Bruno for his explanation.

“Yes it's a good trait to have in certain situations.” Bruno returns the blonde’s stare. “It'll also make seeing him unravel much more interesting.”

The two of them are now looking at each other very intently and you feel like you should leave the room. But you need to finish the interview.

“Nice...so this is the last question. Is there anything specific you two are looking forward to?”

Fortunately, the two of them can still hear you and respond.

Bruno hums, “I suppose it's been awhile since I've given a blowjob, so there's that.”

"...And I'm looking forward to receiving one."

You let out a chuckle, “Okay, Prosciutto I see what you're about.” You quickly skim the list of interview questions. "Well looks like that's it! You guys ready to go?”

They both give you their positive answers.

“Then let's get you guys ready for the shoot."

Bruno smiles while Prosciutto's face stays neutral.

After that statement you stop recording.

“Okay, nice job guys!” You look at the clock on the wall. “That went pretty fast. So you can go ahead and head to the set.”

Prosciutto nods and exits the room but Bruno stays behind.

“Are you going to be helping film for the shoot?” he asks.

You gently place the camera down on the table where you left the paper.

“No, I have to go out and buy some things for something being filmed later this week. And then I have to go do some other stuff around the studio…” You laugh, “They really have me running around!”

Bruno looks slightly concerned. “You’d prefer to stay behind the camera the whole time right?”

“Yep but that's okay. I already knew what I was getting into, and I get paid better pretty well for it.” You look back up at the clock. “I’ll definitely be back for the interview after filming though so I should see you then.”

Bruno nods. "Okay, good luck with your errands."

----

By the end of the day, you're exhausted. Your list of tasks wasn't hard, you just ended up moving a lot more than you planned. You even almost forgot to take your break in your hustle.

When you return to your apartment, you eat something and take a quick shower before dressing up for bed. And once you're snuggled up in your covers, you decide to check your Twitter to see if anything interesting has happened.

While scrolling through the random posts retweeted throughout the day, you happen upon a pretty suggestive picture of Bruno in lingerie. He posted it not too long ago.

Nice.

You click on his icon to check his page to see if there’s anything else new, and under his username notice the words follows you.

Your eyes widen and you double check and refresh to make sure you're not seeing things. You go into your notifications and see that he followed you a couple hours ago. You really weren't sure what to do. It would be weird if you messaged him, right?

You take a deep breath and decide to take the chance. Bruno probably got hundreds of messages so it shouldn't be a big deal.

hi, i saw that you followed me. just making sure you didn't make a mistake lol

Before you can overthink it you send the message. After that you go back to his page and like and retweet the lingerie photo, but you still need a distraction so you wouldn't obsess over a possible reply. When you're thinking of getting out of bed, a message from Bruno pops up.

You quickly open it to see the full message.

No mistakes here. I searched you up and saw that you already followed me so I wanted to follow back.

It's not the first time you've been followed by pornstars or coworkers you worked with, but it was honestly still rare. And something about it being Bruno made your heart beat faster. You momentarily think about everything you retweeted in the last hour, before sending a message back.

oh okay, thx! i'll try not to bother you too much, you probably get a lot of messages

A few seconds pass before you get another reply.

Not necessarily. I have DMs off for people I don't follow. I love my fans but they can get...rowdy. Either way, you can message me whenever you want.

Wow, what would you even talk about with Bruno outside of work related things...

oh, that makes sense. well i guess i’ll take you up on the offer ^^

You see the three dots going for a while before another message appears.

I saw you retweeted my picture.

Your heart skips a beat.

oh god, now i feel embarrassed all of a sudden!

No don’t be. I'm glad you like it.

You smile to yourself.

yea, you look really good in lingerie ...you look good in anything tbh or without anything lmao

You feel like you're about to say something really embarrassing if this conversation continues and quickly type up another message before he can respond.

i’m really tired so i’m going to get ready for bed

The three dots disappear for a moment before showing up again.

Shame, I would have liked talking more. But I understand, you looked really exhausted during the post interview.

yea i was but it’s no biggie and we can message later ❤

Okay then, sleep well ____.

good night 😴

You close out of the app after that and honestly, that went way better than you were expecting.

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

Heatwave x female s/o?

Funny enough it's a certain someone's birthday today! Let's give a bitch one of her faves ;)

(Warning; SUPER long)

"Kade, hurry it up."

"Don't rush me, I'm almost done!"

Kade huffed. They had agreed that once a week, Kade was supposed to wash his alt mode. He had an especially muddy rescue today, Heatwave was always huffy after a mess, but today, he was especially finicky. It was why Kade was sitting there, buffing in the fresh coat of wax that Heatwave demanded he have on. He pulled away, and after seeing it was done, lightly patted his hood.

"Alright pretty boy, you're done. Imma go and eat a sandwich."

"Didn't we stop at a drive thru before we got here?"

"You whining makes me hungry."

Heatwave scoffed. He waited until Kade got into the house, before he helped himself out of the driveway, and pulling into the road. Just had to do one thing first, in case they came looking for him.

"Chase, you copy?"

"Yes, Heatwave, I copy."

"Good. I'm handling your patrol shift."

"But Kade isn't-"

"No one knows that. Look, I just need to let out some steam, Chase. You know how Kade is."

"...understandable. Keep me updated."

"Will do."

He hung up the call, sighing in relief. Good, they bought it. He made a left towards the beach, before he came to a halt, just before he made it to the parking lot. There she was. The reason why he wanted to look like a goddamn sports car today.

Brown hair that fell to her shoulders, fair skin, jewelry that dangled, and she was as glittery and stunning as a fallen star. He pulled up right in front of her, giving her just a small honk to get her attention. Her eyes lit up right when she saw him.

"Hey! I was just about to text you!"

He pulled down the window, giving the illusion that she was talking to someone inside.

"Sorry. Had to keep the hood looking nice for you. Like what you did with your hair."

She had gotten bored waiting for him, and had stuffed her hair full of little flowers. Alongside the glitter- this girl was far from boring.

"Thank you! I got you one too. Assuming you're gonna let me in?"

"Course, scoot into the driver's seat."

He opened his door, letting her hop into the driver's seat. She placed a little flower on the dashboard, before she buckled herself in.

"Sooo I take it this is the tour you promised me?"

She was from off island, so she was a little lost around here. He pulled out of the lot, and went back onto the road.

"Yeah, I'll show you around. You still got a week on the island, right?"

"Yep! I'm liking the sights so far. And the locals are definitely nice, and not just on the eyes."

Based on the way she strummed her fingers across his dashboard, she wasn't talking about the humans. He turned to the left, trying to remember to put on his blinker as he did so. She was, something.

"Well, we try to have some hospitality. Especially for tourists who just run into any ol' vehicle."

She huffed, arms folded across her chest.

"The door was open, and I've always wanted to see the inside of a fire truck."

Heatwave chuckled. What a story that was.

"Kade! Close the-and he's gone."

Heatwave groaned. Whenever he saw Hailey, that idiot always forgot the rules of the ride; shut the door when you get out. It was like coming into a closed room, and leaving without shutting it. Just plain annoying. He was about to shut the door, when there was a sudden weight in his driver's seat. He adjusted his rear view mirror. A girl. Tourist, given that he'd never seen her before.

"Cool! A real firetruck! I've always wanted to see one on the inside!"

Not a carjacker, thankfully. Just someone who was curious. He turned on his screen on the inside, and put on his best robot voice.

"Step away, citizen, this is official-"

He stopped once she tapped the screen, right at his nose. She looked fascinated by him, as if this is the first time she'd ever see technology.

"Woah! They have a computer in this thing- that's new! I'll only sit here, just for a second! I've been waiting for a friend."

She sat down in his seat, facing the outside and starting to mess with her phone. He was about to lay on the horn, when she sighed under her breath.

"Come on...I've been waiting two hours, guys."

She got ditched. He wasn't nuts about someone who literally just helped herself to his interior, but Heatwave wasn't sparkless. Not seeing Kade in the distance, he sighed.

"Input address."

"Hmm?"

She looked at the map he put on the screen. She hesitated for a second, biting her lip in thought.

"Uhm...I dunno where it is exactly. Its the uh, the hotels nearby, I think?"

Heatwave knew what she meant. He put the address on the screen, and turned on the light that signaled for a seatbelt. She looked around, as if she was doing something bad, before she grinned, and (finally) shutting his door, then put on her seatbelt. He tried to be quick about this (Kade was SUCH a whiner if he couldn't find Heatwave in the same spot he left him at), despite the fact that traffic was fairly heavy.

"That's so cool, you can drive yourself! Oh you are SO cool! I wonder where's the sirens on this thing?"

Heatwave shouldn't. Those were for emergencies. But traffic wasn't letting up, Kade would call and nag at him for leaving, and...well. She looked like she could use a pick me up. He let the button flash for her, and right when she pressed it, the sirens started to blare. She jumped in the seat, giddy as a sparkling.

"Oh thats so cool!"

Heatwave WAS pretty cool, when he really thought about it. She geeked out well until they reached the empty looking parking lot, then he put it in park.

"Please unfasten your seatbelts, and exit the- ow, the scrap is that?"

She stared at the face on the screen as she started to get out.

"What's...what?"

"There's something on the seats, it's...ITCHY."

She looked around at her seat. Glitter. She gave an embarrassed smile, before shrugging.

"I'm sorry, I got glitter on you. It's kinda my signature thing- wait. Is that...pre-recorded?"

Oh no. He tried to focus on the voice, rather than the itchiness.

"It's nothing to be concerned about-"

He sighed in relief when she dug her hand into his seat, easing that itch. She pulled away quickly, and he knew that face of shock.

"Oh my god. You're not...just a robot. Oh my GOD-"

"Shhhh!"

He pulled his shades back up, realizing it was too late to keep up the robo act.

"Look, okay, I'm not just a truck. But you NEED to keep it a secret. Do you understand?"

She stared at him for a second, trying to take it all in. She slowly started to form her words, taking a step back.

"Uh...are you gonna take over the world or something?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here with glitter on my seat."

She clearly had a million and one questions, everyone did, but he didn't have time to answer. He cut her off before he could speak.

"I just need to know if you can keep a secret."

"...i can. Especially since you helped me. I won't tell anyone, promise."

"Good. Now, I gotta hurry back, you stay safe. And uh- stop sitting in random trucks. Its kinda rude."

He shut his door, about to take off, when she gripped onto the door handle. He stopped, watched her as she scribbled on a napkin, before tucking it in his windshield wipers.

"In case you need me to say a proper sorry."

With that, she turned, and walked inside. He looked wround, and after making sure no one could see him, transformed, and looked at the napkin. A string of numbers that didn't make any sense.

Weird little human.

"Funny how after that you just couldn’t leave me alone, huh Heats?"

"I'm a rescue bot. Helping people is what I do. By the way, I'm STILL not over the glitter."

"You just mad because I'm cute."

She WAS cute, he'd give her that. He pulled up to a drive thru (the one Kade always went to), chuckling.

"Just order something, I don't want you hungry for where we're going."

"Oh sure, I got some spare cash-"

"No. I said I was going to treat you, and I meant it. There's a wallet in the glove box, use the cash."

She took it out, raising a brow.

"Who's 'Kade'?"

"Friend of mine. He owed me the money, so don't sweat it."

Well. He SORT of did, for dealing with him on a daily basis. After ordering fries, a shake, and nuggets, they were off. She raised a brow as she took a sip of her drink.

"Where ARE we going anyway?"

"Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?"

"Can I at least get a hint? Please?"

"Okay, okay. One hint. It's got more flowers."

She thought about it for a second, and he wanted to laugh. She had such a cute scowl when she was in deep thought. Wasn't even looking out the window to see where that they had in fact, stopped by now.

"Is it...a flower shop?"

"No, but good idea for next time. Look outside."

She looked outside, and he felt her cute little feet stomp on by his pedals in excitement.

"No way!! Let me out, I wanna see I wanna see!"

"Hold your turbo horses!"

He tried to make it sound like it was scolding, but the laughter betrayed him. He unlocked the door, and like a fresh sparkpubby, she bolted. He had found this spot, full of flowers, and secluded from most of the usual hiking trails. Someplace they could really, and honestly be alone.

"It's SO pretty here! Why aren't there more people here?"

He watched her use her phone to take plenty pictures, and in a way, it was sweet, knowing she HAD to remember this place.

"No one really knows. Small island, lots of mysteries. You grabbed the blanket right?"

She stopped, before taking off her backpack and nodded. It was more of a tarp, given the size, but she did bring it. She set laid it out, and after getting her food, she sat down on her knees, giddy as hell.

"So. Am I finally gonna see the real Heatwave? Mr 'rescue bot leader'?"

They had been texting a lot since they first met, she knew damn well that stuff like that made him feel a bit frazzled. She really saw him as this incredible being. If only he knew he saw her the same way. He took a deep breath, just as he learned in yoga.

"Okay. I can show you. But you need to keep calm, okay?"

"I can do calm!"

"I love the enthusiasm, but freckles, come on."

Her said freckled face scowled as her arms folded across her chest.

"Fine. I'll be calm. Promise."

He transformed, and knelt down, trying to make himself look smaller. It didn't really work. She gawked at him, little eyes wide and mouth open.

"I...get it. It's a lot, and it's weird and confusing-"

"You did NOT tell me you were hot."

It was Heatwave's turn to be surprised. She wasn't repelled him; she was ATTRACTED to him. Oh no. Oh no, he was tracking her eyes- she was giving him a total once over, clearly trying to take him all in. He cleared his throat, tipping his hat down to cover his optics a bit. She REALLY thought he was 'hot' (which he learned meant 'attractive' and not 'on fire').

"Could uh...could the hot mech take a seat with you?"

She scooted a bit, patting the spot next to her. He was careful with the flowers, before he finally sat down. Heatwave found it difficult to make eye contact again, they both did. What do you do when a girl you REALLY liked called you 'hot'? Do you say 'you too'? Or 'thanks'? He was apparently super obvious with his feelings, she opted to get the ball rolling.

"So? Tell me about yourself! All I know is your name, and that you're a firetruck."

He finally turned to look at her. He had not much to say, but he did have a lot to LOOK at.

"I'm Heatwave, leader of the rescue bots on Griffin Rock. I come from the planet Cybertron, and I help citizens of this island anyway I can. I do rescues. I've also been in a few parades, but I don't like thinking about that. Kid's have REALLY gross hands..."

She chuckled, clearly amused. The whole time he was talking, he was super distracted. Her eyes looked like stars, her hair was soft yet wild, like the ocean, and her...mouth. Humans always looked squishy to him, but this one had such soft lips. They were glossy, and they looked so precious as she ate. The way her tongue licked the salt off of her tiny fingers-

"Heatwave!"

"Huh? What? What's wrong?"

"You were staring kinda off into space? And you're steaming!"

Oh no. He really was. He checked his HUB, and sure enough, temperatures were above normal. He cleared his throat, shaking his head.

"Sorry, sorry. It uhm...happens."

"You sure you don't want me to like. Feel your forehead or something?"

He was about to say no, but the idea of her hand on his metal...well. One touch wouldn't hurt.

"If it'll make you feel better. Knock yourself out."

He lowered himself down to her level, and she pressed her little hand against his forehead. Oh she was so soft.

"Woah. You are WARM. Like a heater! Oh this is nice actually."

She put both hands on him, now at the sides of his face. Her smile was...so close to him. Her eyes were full of wonder and comfort. She felt comfortable with him. He wasn't self concious about his looks, but knowing that someone so pretty, so full of wonder, found HIM attractive- it made his processor spin.

"You...you got a lot more freckles than I thought. Don't think I could count them all."

"Sounds like quitter talk to me, Heats."

Oh the way he smiled at her. He felt joy plenty of times, but this. This was something so incredibly different.

"I don't back down from a challenge. One. Two. Three. Four. Five...six..."

He was losing track. She smelled prettier than any flower here, her breath was hitting his lips. Then, it happened. Her lips pressed against his, and his spark was absolutely thumping. He hadn't ever...kissed someone before. He never wanted to, up till now. He, as carefully as he could, even pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. It was so sweet, so soft.

Then Heatwave got carried away. He pulled her closer to him, steam hissing from his frame as his glossa kept rubbing against her lips. Her mouth was small, but he demanded entry. She was eager to give it to him, and his glossa got a taste of hers. Still sweet from the shake she just had, it was a taste he wanted more of. He held her in place, not wanting to let this feeling go. She tasted so good, she was so warm, so soft, and wet, and-

"What's wrong?"

He pulled away when he noticed it. She averted her gaze, cleaning the oral lubricant Heatwave had left around her mouth.

"What...do you mean?"

"You're warm. Really warm. And your legs are pressed together. Did I hurt you?"

"No! No, I just...uhm...okay, this is embarrassing. I uhm...forget it, it was just that kissing you and..."

He looked confused for a moment, before he gestured to her.

"If I made you uncomfortable or hurt you, I really should take a look at it. Unless you want me to take you out to see someone?"

Heatwave wasn't dumb. He just knew you shouldn't be poking around someone's bits unless you absolutely had to. She leaned back into his hand, spreading her legs apart, and giving him permission to look. He lifted her skirt up, and saw, to his surprise, that humans had a valve. Didn't have the biolights he was usee to, but still so soft, hot, and at the moment, wet. She groaned into her hand, totally embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I just. You had your tongue out and it just, uh-"

"Oh. You like my tongue?"

Heatwave decided to be bold. He lifted her up, and slowly ran his glossa alongside her folds. Oh the way her legs shook once she felt him. He pulled away, a huge smirk on his face.

"Aw, you good there, freckles? Lookin' a little shakey."

Her face was flushed, her frame shook like a helpless bolt bunny- she was precious.

"Can you just...a bit more? Please Heatwave?"

Who was he to say no to someone who damn near tasted like rainbows?(it was a saying Blades used here, he assumed he was using it right) he brought his mouth up to her again, and dove back in. Only this time, he savored her. He lapped at her little folds hungrily, glossa threatening every once a while to bury himself into her. He felt her little hands grab onto his helmet, felt her legs squirm as she whined for him.

"S-shit, Heatwave. You're...mmph!"

He looked up at her, seeing how she clamped her hand over her mouth. She was enjoying this so much, she was even trying to hump his glossa, desperate for more. With his free hand, he clicked open his spike panel, letting his hand slowly stroke his currently leaky spike.

"Keep making those noises. I like it. I REALLY like it."

She gave him what he wanted, moaning and whimpering helplessly as her fluids started to drip down his face. It felt so good, stroking his spike to the sound of her little mewls.

"W-wait, wait a second."

He pulled away, forcing himself to put his tongue back into his mouth.

"What's wrong?"

"I just. Didn’t want to finish like that. You deserve something too."

He let her go as she wanted to, before he found himself laying back, watching her as she faced away from him. He twitched upon feeling her hand at his sensitive metal, then her hot breath at his tip.

"Wait, I dunno if-"

Then her mouth was at his tip. Oh the way electricity shot up his spinal ridge.

"N-never mind. That. Keep doing it. Way more of that."

Heatwave couldn't just sit there and be lazy piece of scrap metal. He lifted up her skirt, and instead of using his glossa like earlier, he started to use his servos. He sat there, holding onto her cute ass, thumb rubbing in between her folds, all while she sat there, little tongue rolling against his spike, slurping and licking at the transfluids that came from him. He watched as heat rolled from his mouth and into the open air.

Then she came. All it took was a few quick, fast circles against her folds, and she cried out against his metal, dripping from her legs, down to his just waxed body. Suffice to say, hearing her little sounds, watching her as she she tried all she could to please him-it was too much for Heatwave. He overloaded right after, hand digging into the dirt underneath him. He wanted to sit there, basking in the afterglow, when he looked up. He didn't just stain his chest, he stained her pretty shirt. He sat up with a bit of a jolt, knowing he fucked it up.

"Fucking shit- I'm sorry, I'm usually messy but that was an-"

She chuckled, shaking her head, and wiping the bits of overload from her lips.

"It's just a shirt. Really, it's fine."

Heatwave wasn't a usually a 'no it's not' kinda guy. He usually believed when people left it at that. But something about the way she wiped her face free of his overload, made him think differently.

"Why don't I take you back into town, buy you some new clothes?"

"I mean....if you're offering and all."

Heatwave chuckled. Yep. He definitely had the hots for her.

-------------------

"Kade! Heatwave is back!"

Dani called out from the kitchen. It was well into the night at this point by the time Heatwave pulled in. Kade rushed out to meet him before he made it into the garage.

"Where have you been? Chase has been trying to-"

"I kept him updated on the situation across town, so unless an emergency happened-"

"An emergency DID happen!"

Heatwave finally decided to hit the breaks and pay attention.

"What happened? Is everyone safe?"

"You drove off, and I left my wallet in your glove box- had to cancel MY date because you didn't come back."

Heatwave sighed in relief. It was stupid, sure, but at least it wasn't a real emergency.

"Alright, hop in and get it."

He opened his door, and Kade reached in to get it. Once he hopped out, Heatwave drove into the garage to explain himself to the rest of the crew. Then he heard Kade yell from behind him.

"HEATWAVE WHY IS MY WALLET EMPTY?!"

He should feel guilty. But remembering her smile? He absolutely didn't.

[blue-eyes-tattoos]

Here are my favourite fics written in 2020! ✨

(Obviously there’s tons of great 2020 fics I haven’t read yet)

Pt. I = everything over 20k words

Sorted by word count. Hope you enjoy!

📔 Mine Would Be You by crinkle-eyed-boo | @crinkle-eyed-boo 115k

(E, Larry, Exes to Lovers, Artist!Harry, Writer!Louis)

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

📔 Have Love, Will Travel by kingsofeverything | @kingsofeverything 97k

(E, Larry, Friends to Lovers, Road Trip)

Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there’s something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

📔 You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) by lucythegoosey | @harryrainbows 95k

(E, Larry, Canon Compliant, Exes/Enemies to Lovers, Fake Relationship)

Harry and Louis are forced to fake-date after an old video from when they were dating emerges.

📔 The Murmur of Yearning by MediaWhore | @mediawhorefics 93k

(M, Larry, Historical AU, Slow Burn)

Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised's families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to.

📔 Nothing But You On My Mind by nonsensedarling | @absoloutenonsense 84k

(E, Larry, Enemies to Lovers, (modern) Royalty AU)

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

📔 Untamed Hearts by Layne Faire | @laynefaire 69k

(E, Ziam, side Larry, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining)

It could have been the heat of the summer sun; it might have been the silvered sheen of an early harvest moon. If he dug deep enough, Liam could find every reason ever needed to explain away what happened. In the end, though, it all came down to two meddling friends, a touch of Prince, a bit of Keats, and the moon over the ocean. Its a recipe for disaster. Or love. Probably love.

📔 Live a Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire | @laynefaire 58k

(E, Ziam, very minor side Larry, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Exes to Lovers, Farm)

It’s 2025. After secretly writing and producing their first album in ten years, One Direction is weeks away from releasing their first new single and announcing a world tour. With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.

📔 The Recklessness in Water by LarryOn 51k

(E, Larry, Enemies to Lovers, lifeguard!Harry, unemployed!Louis)

Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

📔 Need So Much Of You by lululawrence | @lululawrence 47k

(Not Rated, Larry, Canon Compliant, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers)

The would-have-been canon compliant, fake relationship, friends with benefits, friends to lovers fic where Louis wonders if this thing going on with Harry is going to break him or change everything for the better.

📔 We Can Take The Long Road Home by pinkcords | @pinkcords 46k

(E, Larry, Strangers to Lovers, Road Trip)

Harry and Louis fall in love down the coast of California.

📔 Caves End by jacaranda_bloom | @jacaranda-bloom 40k

(E, Larry, famous/non-famous, Farm)

The one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

📔 Say It Back by wordsnnotes | @quelsentiment 40k

(T, Larry, side Ziam, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, College/Uni AU, Asexual Character)

Harry doesn't know what he wants; Louis is too caught up in his problems to care about what he wants; Niall knows perfectly well what he wants, and that's to be everybody's best friend and comic relief; Zayn thought he knew what he wanted until he's reminded of the past; and Liam has come to terms with the fact that it's okay not to know what you want sometimes.

📔 Until by allwaswell16 | @allwaswell16 38k

(E, Larry, side Shiall, famous/non-famous, Enemies to Lovers, Farm)

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

📔 Love Moves Like The Sea by flamboyo | @chrysopon 33k

(M, Larry, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Sharing a Bed)

Spending two weeks in his uncle's old house by Lee Bay beach is not Louis' ideal holiday, but sadly is the only one he can afford this summer. Spending those alone with Harry, his best friend who he has spent the last five years in love with, may make everything a little better, though. Away from everyday reality, alone somewhere that makes you forget your past and gloss over your future, maybe it's time for two friends to finally explore what they haven't said (but felt) for years.

📔 If Love Was Easy, They’d Call It Hockey by drowninshallowwater | @drowninshallowwater 28k

(Not Rated - there is smut though, Larry, Hockey AU, Friends to Lovers, hockey player!Louis, doctor!Harry, feat one of my favourite bands in a supporting role)

The one where it takes a broken collarbone for Louis to get back what he lost, even if it is seven years down the road.

📔 Sunflower: Vol. 1 by ourownstrings | @ourownstrings 27k

(M, Larry, side Ziam, farmer!Louis, florist!Harry, Misunderstandings, Grief/Mourning, Depression)

“Real farmers love mornings.” Louis hated that sentiment. But then he wasn’t a real farmer. He just got stuck in the family business and drags himself to the farmers market where he put on his best sunny sales pitch. That is until he meets the new flower vendor. The flower boy who is even wearing floral-patterned clothes as he sells bouquets. Suddenly, Saturday mornings are the highlight of his week.

📔 Walls Are Just Walls (You Are My Home) by logogram | @et-y-etc 26k

(E, Larry, famous/non-famous, Friends to Lovers)

After being injured in a hiking accident, musician Harry and his bodyguard are stuck on the trail with no cell service, no supplies, and with nightfall coming. Louis, who’s a wilderness first responder, comes across them, gives first aid, and calls for a rescue.

📔 A Road To Something Better by taggiecb | @taggiecb 25k

(E, Larry, writer!Louis, mayor!Harry, Friends to Lovers)

Louis Tomlinson, famous romance novelist, has just had the rug pulled out from under his feet when his boyfriend leaves him without notice. What's the most appropriate response to this? Move a thousand miles away and seclude himself in a tiny lake town, of course. But nothing is as he expects it to be in the very best way, especially not the handsome mayor of McAll, Idaho.

📔 You Burn so Bright You can Blind Somebody by heartmeetsbreakx | @heartmeetsbreakx 20k

(GA, Ziam, minor side Larry, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, YouTuber!Liam)

Liam is a popular YouTube vlogger and sometimes Zayn is his cameraman. Liam's subscribers start analyzing their relationship and it changes everything.

[violet-knox]

Hi 🤗

Can I ask for young!Severus when he has a crush on a reader, but he's to shy to admit it and she's so nice to him and they're starting to talk and spend more time together and become friends (maybe finally even more than just friends)?😊

A New World With You

Pairing: Young!Severus x Slytherin!Pureblood!Reader

Summary: Tension between Muggles and Wizards grow worse during your final year at Hogwarts, and in an attempt to help educate the students, you’re taken on a class trip where you end up exploring London with Severus. 

Word Count: 8777

A/N: This was inspired by Midnight Stars Tree by @bush-viper-cutie. I’ve been thinking about this story a lot lately because I loved it so much. It’s so creative and so well written, I definitely recommend giving it a read. I think I veered from the original ask a bit, but I think I hit all the major points. Either way, I hope you enjoy. This one was a lot of fun to write and I love how it turned out.

It was supposed to be a fun get-a-way, a break from schoolwork and all the stress that came with it. But now, not only did you have to give up your weekend to complete a school assignment, you were randomly being paired with someone in your class. It wasn’t fair. Professor Polliwog could have at least let you pick your own partner, you didn’t need to be paired with someone who’d lived in the Muggle world to explore it. All you needed was a sense of adventure and some good company, which you thought you had this morning when you and your best friends got up early to prepare for the trip, excited to explore the city you’d always passed through on your way to the Hogwarts express, never giving it a second glance. 

You couldn’t help the fact your parents had introduced you to most of your Hogwarts friends before you’d even gotten your letter, or that none of you had thought to visit the Muggle world before now. Why would you when everything you could possibly need was right there in the Wizarding world? But now that you were being given the chance to explore the unknown, to get to know how Muggles lived, you wanted to do it on your own terms without a Muggleborn tour guide. 

“Gather around everyone, gather around,” Professor Polliwog ushered everyone around her on the platform as the last of the students jumped off the Hogwarts Express. You and your friends stuck together, frowning with anticipation of who you’d be paired with. You barely knew anyone who wasn’t raised in the Wizarding world, especially since your house was filled with so many Pureblood and Halfbloods, you didn’t have the slightest clue who you’d be paired with. You wondered if there were even enough Muggleborns to pair with the rest of the school. “I will read out your names in pairs and you will have eight hours to explore the town and return with enough information to write your papers. We will meet back here at 9:20 and make our way to the hotel for the night so don’t lose your tickets!”

“Why do we have to stay in a Muggle hotel? Can’t we at the very least have the night to recover from our visit to the zoo?” One of the students on the other end of the crowd spoke, his friends chuckling at his humourless joke. You shrugged at the attitude many of your Slytherin peers shared with one another, feeling like you were the only one excited to spend a night in a Muggle town. Even your friends weren’t as enthusiastic as you about the idea of sleeping at a Muggle hotel, acting like they were being forced to sleep in an uncivilized reservation with no running water or heating. 

“You know very well Mr. Nott that returning to the Wizarding world would defeat the purpose of this trip. Tensions between Muggles and Wizards have risen quite a bit in the last few years, and this trip is meant to teach you Muggles aren’t so different from us. We must learn how they live so that we may learn to live in peace amongst them.”

Severus rolled his eyes, the irony of Polliwog’s words lost on him when it was clear she barely knew anything about the Muggle world herself, her outfit making her look more like a clown than a Muggle civilian. He felt a nudge against his side, looking over to see Avery smirking at him as Polliwog spoke, knowing exactly what was on his mind. He nervously smirked back, growing concerned he would end up paired with one of his own friends and they would find out where he really grew up. For so long he’d wanted to escape the judgment that came with living on Spinner’s End, from the Muggle’s living in Cokeworth and then to all the friends who’d accepted him into their circle at Hogwarts. 

The day Lucius had introduced him to Avery, he’d decided he wouldn’t let Spinner’s End define him anymore, that he would forge his own identity and let the others make the assumption he’d grown up in the Wizarding world. He’d finally felt like he belonged when none of them questioned his origins, accepting him and everything he knew about the Wizarding world. When he heard about this trip, he tried to get out of it, begging Slughorn to excuse him, trying to give Dumbledore any excuse he could come up with, but when that failed, and Polliwog decided it was a fantastic idea to figure out who already had experience in the Muggle world, all he could do was hope Merlin would have pity on him and help him keep his secret. 

“Now, once I call your name, you may find your partner and start exploring.” One by one your friends were paired up and ran off to explore the wonders of the Muggle world, and one by one the students drizzled down, leaving you concerned you’d end up stuck with Polliwog in the end, told there was no one to pair you with. The only thing that could possibly make this worse was spending the day with your professor and the more names spoken, the more Severus realized the second worst thing that could happen is if he got paired with the one person he’d been trying to talk to for the longest time.

“Severus and (Y/N).” Severus froze, his ears ringing as his heart raced, trying to run away from this horrible day. He’d been so busy worrying over what his friends might think of him, he hadn’t even considered the possibility of being paired with you. He couldn’t bring himself to look for you, feeling rather silly just standing there alone, thoughts of all the times he’d tried to talk to you rushing back to him. So many times he’d tried to plan out what he could say to you, how he could start a conversation, but he could never find the nerve to do it, scared he’d ruin his chance with you like he had with Lily. 

“Severus?” You spoke his name, standing behind him and as he slowly turned around, trying to face you. His eyes were wide, blank and unblinking. He looked as though he’d just been struck by the most terrifying news and you felt all hope for a nice day in London slither away. He was clearly unhappy about being paired with you, his frown giving away the feelings he was trying to suppress, but it wasn’t like you’d chosen him. This wasn’t exactly the ideal weekend for you either, but you both had to try and make do with what you were given. “Shall we make our way?”

Severus blinked and found himself back in his body again, swallowing hard as he nodded. He walked after you as you jogged towards the wall separating platforms 9 and 10. Running after you, he found you on the other side, waiting for him and a small part of him began to panic as he realized how real this all was. He tried to think through his vocabulary, trying to find at least one single word to speak to you that wouldn’t sound absolutely pathetic. But he searched with no avail, thickening the awkward silence between you instead.

You walked out of the station unsure of what to say or how to proceed. It was bad enough you got stuck with someone who didn’t want to spend the day with you, but you were stranded in an unknown city with nothing but a tourist map Polliwog had passed out on the train. You had so many questions, yet you felt like you couldn’t ask any of them, Severus looking as though he would rather fall 100 feet than speak with you. You’d known Severus quite a while, at least from a far, so to say you were surprised that you’d been paired with him was an understatement. It had never crossed your mind that a Halfblood would have grown up in the Muggle world. You knew there had to be a story for him to share, you just weren’t sure he’d want to share it with you. 

“H-have you explored London before?” you asked cautiously as you stood outside the train station, away from the crowd. Your eyes went straight to his frown, thinking back to the little interactions you’d had with him over the last seven years and you realized you’d only ever once seen him so unhappy. It was after rumours about James Potter saving Severus from the Whomping Willow had spread, chatter amongst the Gryffindors splattered across the halls about how Severus was crying outside their common room. He looked so defeated that morning when you saw him again, huddled into a ball by the fireplace. You watched him from the stairs and tried to will yourself to walk over to him, but you knew nothing you could say would sound right, especially since you were sure he had no clue who you were. 

“No.”

“Then where in the Muggle world do you live?” You tried again, hoping to relax the tension between you and get to know him a little bit, but the annoyed expression on his face made it clear he didn’t want to talk.

“Lived,” he lied, his tone giving you the impression your correct assumption had offended him. Crossing his arms, Severus mumbled a truthful answer, hoping you wouldn’t press further. “Nowhere you’d know.”

A frown of your own appeared on your lips, fed up with his tone and attitude. You’d never thought Severus would be this rude, always seeing how kind he was to his friends. But it was clear that kindness was reserved for people he actually liked, and you weren’t one of them. Still, you had to try and get on his good side, otherwise the day would be completely lost and you’d never get to see the Muggle world.

“Alright. Well, any idea where we should start?” You opened up the map in your hand and looked over the odd looking shapes and words scribbled all over, finding it a bit difficult to read. Turning it upside down, you wondered if Muggles had their own secret way of reading maps, but clearly, you just hadn’t paid enough attention in your Muggle studies course, that or Polliwog had no idea what she was talking about all these years. 

Looking back over to Severus, you watched him roll his eyes, pouting as he shook his head in disapproval. You couldn’t take it anymore. Even when he wasn’t talking, he still brought down your mood, making you wish you’d never gone on this trip, embarrassed that you were actually excited for it last night. 

“Look Severus, I understand that you didn’t want to be paired with me, but there’s nothing we can do to change that. So why not try to make the most of it and have a bit of fun?” You did what you could to lighten the mood, hoping he’d agree and make both your lives just a little bit more bearable, but clearly your hopes were completely misplaced and you hadn’t caught on to the fact nothing would change his mind about you. 

“Fun? What could you possibly hope to find fun in a Muggle city?” he said in disgust, looking down at the Muggles breezing past them on the street. He would never use the word ‘fun’ to describe the Muggle world, not the one he’d been born into. He couldn’t believe he was being forced to spend a day here when he’d spent every summer counting the days to escape Cokeworth. He especially couldn’t believe the fact that this would be your first impression of him, that of all the horrific scenarios he dreamt up, Merlin managed to come up with something worse.

He wanted so badly to start off your interaction with him in a positive light, to do with you what he couldn’t with Lily. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He’d waited so long to come up with the best introduction, to have his first words spoken to you be those you’d hang onto for the rest of your life. But the irony in your words told him he was far from such a position, your view of him now tainted by the idea that he didn’t like you.

“I-I don’t know I just thought-” You tried to oppose his views, knowing you had no ground to stand on when the only interaction with the Muggle world you’d had was passing it by on your way to the Hogwarts Express. You just could never imagine it being as horrible as everyone said, not willing to accept the tone Severus took when speaking of London.

“Muggles don’t live like us and even if they had our… skillset, they couldn’t possibly dream of creating a world like ours.” Severus rambled on without considering how you felt about his words or his attitude. Instead, he let his defensive tone once again ruin the chance of any sort of relationship with someone he admired. Looking over to you, he watched your frown match his own, your arms crossed and brows furrowed with anger. You’d had enough of his attitude, no matter how he felt about the Muggle world, he had no right to talk this way when this trip was supposed to let you form your own opinion about Muggles.

“Are you going to be this sour the entire day?” you snapped at him, ready to walk away and never turn back.

“I’m not sour! I’m telling the truth.” The words flew out of his mouth before he could even think, the need to hide himself from everyone around him ingrained too deep in his chest to let it go, even for you. He’d spent the better part of last semester trying to approach you, admiring your passion during class, your beauty during lunch, your kindness in the halls, and now he was throwing away any chance he had to befriend you with a sour attitude and bleak words.

You huffed in frustration, storming away without regarding Severus in the slightest. You couldn’t take being around him anymore, your weekend completely ruined after the discussion you’d just had with him. You’d rather aimlessly walk around in this unknown city, having no clue where to go or where you were than listen to another word from him. You were so disappointed in this trip, in Severus and his attitude. You’d always wondered how a conversation with him would go, how nice it would be to talk to someone about the subjects you learned in class. Severus always seemed to be the only one passionate about them, but clearly his passion extended further than his school subjects, a pleasant conversation with him now a thing of dreams.  

“W-where are you going?” Severus’ voice followed you, leaving behind his awful tone. You were surprised he continued to walk behind you, despite your furious pace to get away from him and a part of you was glad for it, still hopeful this weekend would turn around. 

“I don’t know, but I’m not going to stand there and listen to your rambles. The point of this trip is to explore the unknown and you're just spewing on like Muggles still live in the dark ages!” you said as he caught up with you. Severus wasn’t sure what to say, feeling horrible knowing he was the reason you were so upset.

“But here, look.” You stopped in your tracks, picking up an odd looking stick, intrigued by its bright red colour. “If Muggles are so unimaginative as you say, how can they come up with this? … Whatever it is.”

You examined the object, spotting a small dab of dried ink on the end and wondered if this was some sort of writing utensil. You couldn’t imagine how Muggles would use it, the dab of ink too small to write a single letter, let alone entire essays.

“It’s a pen.” Severus frowned, crossing his arms, unimpressed with Polliwog’s failure of illustrating something as simple as a pen. It wasn’t like the bloody things were expensive or rare, she could have easily bought a couple to show the class, but no, it was all about the textbooks and whatever words they possessed. Theory was all that mattered, Merlin forbit a professor at Hogwarts actually teach the students to apply their knowledge. At least McGonagall and Flitwick had the sense to demonstrate the spells they were teaching.

“Right, a pen,” you said, rather pleased your guess was right. Pressing the pen to his chest, you let it go and turned back to walk away, feeling like your mini triumph was ruined by his hatred towards Muggles. Severus caught the pen before it fell, looking at it in his hand and immediately tossing it to the ground, disregarding it without a second thought. He could never learn to appreciate Muggles or their trinkets like you did. He knew they were bright, that they had progressed in some ways further than the Wizarding world, but he just couldn’t get past the awful parts of their realm. He admired your open mind, he truly did, but you hadn’t lived like him, you hadn’t experienced the worst of what Muggles can do. 

“Leave me alone, Severus, I’ll roam the city on my own,” you said when you realized he’d continued to follow behind. Severus felt his heart sliced up into pieces by your harsh words. But he knew he deserved it, that he’d caused your mood to shift to such an angry tone. He slowed his speed and watched you walk away as he stood there on the sidewalk like the fool he was. He’d completely ruined any chance of a friendship with you like he had with Lily and it was clear to him now that it was him who’d pushed others away all his life. When Lily stopped talking to him, he’d blamed Potter like he blamed his father when his mother left them last year. But it was him all along. He was the only common denominator between you, Lily and his mother, so it only made sense that he was the problem. 

He’d lost sight of you, your figure disappeared into the crowd of Muggles passing him by, and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He didn’t want to explore London like everyone else, he wanted to go home. Stuffing his hands in his pocket, he began making his way back to the train station, clutching his ticket in his hand. Perhaps the train was still there and he’d be allowed to pass the time in one of the compartments. At least in the train, he’d be as close to Hogwarts as he could, and he wouldn’t have to suffer through another day amongst people who could care less about him. 

He walked as fast as he could, running through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10, finally finding himself relax when he found the Hogwarts Express still sitting there, waiting for him to return. Without thinking, he ran to the door and tugged on the handle, finding it locked. Pulling out his wand, he cast a silent alohomora unsurprised to find the door still locked. He tried a few more charms, unhopeful they would work until he gave up and walked back to one of the pillars in the middle of the platform, sinking down to the ground, facing his only ride back home.

He hugged his knees and thought back to the horrendous day he’d had, starting it off horrified his friends would find out the truth about him, afraid he’d be paired with you, then finding himself living in a complete nightmare as he watched you storm off from his less than delightful attitude. He’d spent the better half of the day building up his defenses, too scared to let the world see him and who he was that he’d pushed yet another person away. A year he’d spent pining for you, trying to build up the courage to at least say hello, but his fear of repeating history had him putting it off until the universe decided enough was enough. He wasn’t ready. If only he had some time to prepare, if he’d spoken to you at Hogwarts with the conversation planned out… it would have still ended in a disaster because he was destined to live in agony and resentment. 

He groaned in frustration, tears prickling his eyes as his mind dreamt up scenarios where he’d made a good impression on you, the friendship he could have built, the fun you could have had together. He could have finally talked to someone who appreciated Potions, Herbology, Defense, Charms and every other subject in school. You could have studied together, excelled together and helped each other build such promising careers. But of course, none of that would come to pass after what he’d just done. Hope told him to grab hold of the possibility you’d forgive him, that if he just found the right words, the right thing to say, you’d give him a second chance, but he knew fate would never allow for such a thing. He couldn’t break the cycle no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted it, he felt completely helpless. 

He tried to clear his mind, quickly wiping away his tears to hide his disappointment, but he couldn’t help but think of you and how you were wandering around London on your own while the rest of the class all had company. He thought of you trying to ask Muggles for help, completely lost in this giant city. He thought about how you’d struggle to make your way back here, missing the deadline Polliwog set and forced to spend the night in some unknown Muggle street. It tore at him thinking of some Muggle finding you alone, taking advantage of your helplessness like he knew they would back in Cokeworth. 

Jumping to his feet, he found himself running back out the train station and leaving behind the only sliver of his home he’d get until the trip ended. He needed to find you, to try and make it up to you or to at least make sure you were alright. He couldn’t let the Muggle world tarnish you like it had him and perhaps, by Merlin’s grace, you’d find it in your heart to forgive him for such a horrible first impression.

He looked down the steps outside the train station and began to retrace your movements, stopping when he spotted the pen he’d so carelessly brushed off after you’d admired it. Picking it up, he noticed how damaged it was, how beat up the casing had become after being tossed aside like trash. Pressing the tip to his finger, he dragged the pen across his skin and watched as it left behind a strong trail of red ink. It still worked after everything it had been through. Stuffing the pen in his pocket, he made his way down the street, looking everywhere for a sign, anything at all that could tell him where you were. It felt like a helpless case trying to find you in this city, but he had to try, he couldn’t give up now. 

You’d really tried to brush off Severus’ words, but they stuck with you as you walked onwards, ringing in your ear with every step you took. You entered shops, hoping to find something that could help keep your mind off of him and your disappointment in this weekend, but nothing could lift your spirits after what he’d done. He’d hurt you more than you’d cared to admit, not just because of the way he spoke about the Muggle world, but his hateful tone shunned you away from any relationship you’d previously hoped to have with him. He wasn’t the boy you imagined, and it crushed you to know that. 

Still, you marched forward and tried your best to do what you’d set out to do and make the most of this opportunity. You entered clothing shops and wondered how Muggles could possibly find some of these items comfortable or appealing to the eye. You passed by a toy store and was rather unimpressed at their odd boring selection. You rifled through a bookstore and bought a few items to give Muggle authors a try, starting to feel better about what had happened today. You walked the streets until you finally found a diner where you felt normal. Glaring at the menu, you smiled as you finally found something in common with the Muggles. You took your time, decided you’d spend the day here, eating and reading one of your new books and that would have to be enough for you to salvage the day. 

The waitress brought you your food and you took a moment to admire the delicacy of the presentation. It looked very well made, like they were prepared by a dozen house elves. The burger wasn’t as large as those you’d seen at Hogwarts, but the fries were definitely much more crispy and the milkshake was absolutely astounding. You happily drank, wondering what Muggles would think of Butterbeer if they ever got the chance to taste it as you pulled out one of your books, flipping it over to read about the author. The picture was still, and for a moment you thought perhaps you’d seen her blink, but it was clear Muggles were unable to capture moving pictures like Wizards could. It was an interesting sight, but you weren’t sure you liked it. The constant stare of the woman creeped you out. Shaking your head, you turned the book back around and flipped it open, reading the first few words of the first Muggle book you would ever enjoy. 

Severus felt hopeless walking down the streets of London, beginning to get lost himself as he tried every street, every store he passed by until his feet ached with pain. He’d lost track of time, but it had felt like he’d been walking for days, his heart slowing as he tried to catch his breath. He’d been in such a panic for so long, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stay standing for very much longer if he didn’t rest. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop, his guilt growing the more time ticked away. He’d wanted to try and make it up to you, but the more time he wasted looking for you, the less time he’d have to try and salvage your happiness. 

He was almost about to give up, when he saw a waitress in the diner across the street setting down a plate of fries on a table where someone very familiar sat, reading a book. He stopped in his tracks, looking through the window, wondering if he was hallucinating, if his mind was playing tricks on him just to get him to stop looking for you. He crossed the street and the closer he got, the more he wondered if fate was trying to make things up to him after putting him between a rock and a hard place these last few days. 

He walked into the diner and looked over to the side, admiring you as you read. You looked like you’d made up for his outburst all on your own. His shoulders dropped as he realized all he would do now if he walked up to you was remind you of how he’d ruined your day. He sighed and turned back to look at the door, knowing he should leave, but the need for repentance kept him from stepping out that door. He wanted a second chance, another go at a first impression with you. He wanted to have a real conversation with you, to make you smile and enjoy his time like you were doing right now. 

“Severus?” He stopped his motions when he heard his name, turning his head back to you as he let the door swing shut. You’d seen him and if he ran out now, he’d have no chance of redeeming himself in the future. Walking over to you, he stood beside your table, unsure of what to say. “What are you doing here?”

He stood there hoping Merlin would help him find the right thing to say to you so what happened this morning wouldn’t happen again. Stuffing his hands in his pocket, he froze and suddenly found himself feeling calm, his mind clear. Slowly, he pulled out his right hand and gently placed on the table before you the red pen you’d picked up off the street. 

“I-I’m sorry.” The words left his lips without a thought, knowing it’s what you needed to hear. “I shouldn’t have said those things, acted like that and I’m really sorry.”

You looked at him in astonishment, your eyes unable to leave the beat-up pen on the table. You were completely floored at the idea he’d found you just to apologize, that he’d kept the pen you were so infatuated with and you were touched. You smiled at his gesture, feeling your faith in him restore as he stood there in desperation, his eyes begging for your forgiveness. Picking up the pen, you held it between your fingertips for a moment, examining it like it was the most fascinating thing you’d seen all day.

“Do you want to sit?” you offered. Severus couldn’t believe your willingness to hear him out, but he didn’t hesitate to take the second chance you gave him, learning from Lily to never again take forgiveness for granted. He sat across from you and watched your every movement, worried that if he took his eyes off you now, he’d realize it wasn’t real.

“Do you want some fries?” You pushed the plate to him, noticing how shriveled he looked and realized he probably hadn’t eaten all day if he’d spent it looking for you. Severus peered down at the fries, trying to resist, feeling like he hadn’t earned the right to eat the food you’d paid for, but your smile was so inviting, and he’d used up his energy trying to find you. Picking out a fry, he slowly chewed on it and watched as you slid over your half-drunk milkshake with a smile. You were so kind, so generous; a Slytherin with a heart as many would joke at Hogwarts.

“Why do you hate the Muggle world so much?” you asked softly, hoping this discussion wouldn’t lead to another explosion of hatred, but you just couldn’t let it go and if there was any hope for you to build any sort of friendship with him, you had to get to know him more. You needed an explanation for what he’d done before you could move past it. 

Severus shrugged in response, his wall building itself back up again as he tried to fight the urge to hide himself again. After he’d opened up to Lily about his life on Spinner’s End, he promised himself he would never do it again, not after she picked Potter’s side over his. He didn’t want to talk about the past, he just wanted to move forward and build himself a new future, one that wasn’t controlled by his parents or Potter or anyone else. “I suppose that I was quick to judge.”

“Well, they don’t seem so bad to me,” you retorted, finding yourself having enjoyed the day despite everything that had happened, though you were sure the mends Severus was making now was the only reason you felt as happy as you did. You were moved by his sentiment, never once feeling as special as he made you feel before today. “Have-have you been searching for me all day?”

Severus leaned back in his seat, cherishing the smile on your face, your curiosity and worry over him. He felt the heat rise to his face as he realized how embarrassing what he’d done was. It was bad enough he’d admired you from afar this past year, but to admit he’d ran down the streets of London searching for you was something he could never live down. 

“No,” he shook his head and stared down at the nearly empty plate of fries, surprised he’d eaten so much when he’d given you his full attention. Your smile grew wider as you kept your eyes on him, knowing he was lying through his teeth. “I just-I didn’t want to leave you roaming around London alone.”

Your smile grew wider and he couldn’t help but return it. You leaned forward, setting your arms on the table as you narrowed your eyes. You wanted so badly to trust him, to have with him what you thought you’d never find with anyone else, but you were scared. You didn’t know him, not really. You’d seen him in class, seen his achievements, watched him pick his friends and fight with the Gryffindors, but you didn’t know the real him. The only thing you’d learned from today was his resentment towards Muggles and that wasn’t exactly something that gave you confidence in him.

“Well, we have a few more hours before we have to go back. Got anywhere in mind?” you asked, wanting to give this friendship a chance, wanting so badly to see him for who he truly was. You’d felt like you’d seen so many versions of him, you weren’t sure which one was real anymore.

“Have you seen the cinema yet?” He leaned in, eager for how well things were turning out, how forgiving you seemed to be. 

“What’s a cinema?”

Severus chuckled, almost forgetting your lack of knowledge on the Muggle world. More than ever, he wanted to build at least a friendship with you, to be around you more and see through your eyes. Perhaps if he was given that chance, his outlook on the Muggle world wouldn’t cause him to explode like he did this morning. “They play movies there, like moving pictures that tell a story.”

Your eyes lit up, your back straightened as you smiled with fascination. You felt all your anger towards him completely melt away as you took him up on his offer to at least end the day on a happy note. “That sounds amazing! But I thought Muggles weren’t allowed to handle magical objects.”

“It’s not magic. It’s technology.” He grinned at your obliviousness of the Muggle world, looking forward to seeing it in a new light through your eyes. Finishing off the fries, you put away your book and red pen, then grabbed your milkshake to follow Severus down the street. The sun was already setting and for a moment, you felt a bit resentful towards him, realizing how lovely of an evening you could have had with him if he’d only acted proper this morning. But as much as you wished you could rewrite time, as much as you wanted to redo the day, you couldn’t and that was okay. He’d come back for you, he’d wanted to try again and perhaps it was because he felt guilty, but oh how you hoped it was because he saw the potential for such a strong relationship between you both. 

There was so much you wanted to explore with him, but you knew nothing would come of this small spark of a friendship if Severus didn’t want it, if he didn’t tear down those walls. He’d always been such a mystery to you, but you realized now just how complex he was, how he was more than that lanky boy at the end of the library, studying until the lights went out. He was more than the Slytherin that had fought with Gryffindor’s Quidditch star, more than what everyone made him out to be and you could only hope he’d open himself up enough to let you see him for who he truly was. 

The more you walked alongside him, talking to him about the Muggle world, already learning so much from him, the more you felt like you were getting to see a side of him he rarely showed anyone. You wondered if he was comfortable around you, if he was open to building at least a friendship with you, but you were too afraid to read into it or ask him how he felt. You’d started off the day so rocky, you didn’t want to risk ruining what you had now. You wanted to enjoy the moment and at least you would have this evening to look back on when you went back to Hogwarts.

The cinema wasn’t far from where you were, and you almost wished it was, enjoying the walk there with him more than the idea of seeing this ‘movie’ Severus spoke of. But, as you approached the doors, your curiosity for the Muggle world overtook you, your eyes trying to take in as much of the humongous building as they could. After your walk today, you’d assumed all Muggle buildings were small, nothing even coming close to the size of some of the shops you’ve been to in the Wizarding world, let alone Hogwarts. But this building looked endless, Severus claiming every room was twice as large as a classroom.

“What do you want to watch?” he asked as you both looked up at the billboard displaying the movies and their showtimes. You shrugged at his question, completely lost as to what you were looking at. You weren’t sure it would even matter what you ended up watching, just the experience alone was enough to keep you satisfied and the fact that it was Severus who was introducing you to this new world made it all the more special.

“Well, what was that book you were reading about?” he asked instead, hoping to pick a movie to your liking and get to know you a bit better. He wanted so badly to progress whatever it was between you both, to fast forward to the part where he knew everything about you and he’d trusted you to know everything about him. But he knew great relationships weren’t created with one measly conversation and trust had to be earned, so he settled for the opportunity to get to know you one bit at a time instead. 

“It’s about this girl and her friends who plan on exploring rumours about buried treasure. It’s called ‘The Secret of the Forgotten City’’,” you said, unsure on how you felt about the book just yet since you’d only read a couple of chapters. But the bookshop owner had said it was a popular story amongst the Muggles, and it had yet to disappoint you so far.

“A mystery. Then perhaps we can watch that one?” Severus points at the title ‘Return from Witch Mountain’ with a smirk and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter, finding the name ironic considering your destination to Hogwarts tomorrow. Nodding, you agreed to watch whatever these moving pictures entailed.

Severus walked up to a booth where a man sat entrapped in some glass, which you thought was rather odd. But when Severus asked the man for two tickets to see the next showing of ‘Return from Witch Mountain’, you realized he was no prisoner, but a worker who’d chosen to remain incased, selling people tickets to see the moving pictures. The man gave you the price to be paid for the tickets and you both began to rummage through your pockets, Severus picking out as many coins as he could before he realized he was short. He patted himself down in a panic, feeling completely saddened at the fact that money had once again become a barrier between him and the thing he wanted most; a friendship with you. He could hardly believe his luck, utterly crushed at the thought of disappointing you a second time. He couldn’t face the idea of ruining your plans again, a look of anger on his face as he triple checked every pocket. He’d ruined his second chance, knowing there was no chance for a third. 

Setting your money on the counter, you looked over to Severus, watching him struggle to come up with the full amount and immediately grabbed a few more coins of your own to make up the difference. Severus looked up when he heard your coins hit the countertop and watched as they were exchanged for two tickets. He was in shock at what you’d done. The tickets weren’t exactly cheap and it was him who’d suggested watching a movie in the first place. You had no idea what you’d paid for, yet you were happy to fork over your coins to have him by your side while you watched the movie.

“W-why did you do that?” he asked as you made your way inside the theater to find your seats. He wanted to be mad, his own ego objecting to the humiliation of a stranger paying for what he couldn’t. But he felt grateful, not for the money, but for your kindness and willingness to give up something so valuable just for a few hours of fun with him.

“Because I want to watch the movie with you Severus.” He smiled, feeling overjoyed at your words, your confirmation of interest in him, but how could you not after you’d admired him for so long? You’d wanted nothing more than to spend time with him and money wasn’t going to stand in the way of that.

“I’ll pay you back,” he promised, not wanting any reason for resentment between either of you, especially now during such a fragile state in your relationship.

“You don’t have to. Consider it a thank you for bringing me here.” You playfully nudged his arm with a smile. Severus felt the heat rise to his cheeks as he tried to suppress his ever-growing smirk. He was beyond relieved that he’d managed to redeem himself, that you’d accepted his apology and attempted to make things up to you after this morning.

You saw all the Muggles heading into the theater carrying snacks and noticed the absurd prices at the counter where they were selling popcorn, drinks and candy. You didn’t think twice about passing up on those knowing full well Severus would only feel worse if you spent more money on him and besides, you’d had quite the meal not thirty minutes ago, your stomach full and your heart happy with the company you kept. Severus led the way to the middle of the second to back row claiming they were always the best seats and you didn’t argue. You had no idea what to expect, but you were excited nonetheless. 

“So, what now?” you asked eagerly as you sat in the dark room waiting for something to happen.

“Now we wait,” Severus told you, leaning on the arm rest between you. “The movie is set to start in fifteen minutes so they should start playing commercials soon.”

“Not even Muggles can escape the power of advertisement,” you chuckled knowing everyone around you would likely be completely bored by them, but you were looking forward to it. You wanted to know as much of the Muggle world as possible and what better way to do that then sit through some advertisements about Muggle objects or odd looking inventions. 

As Severus had promised, a flash of light appeared before your eyes, colours spilling all over the screen as the first commercial began to play. Sound filled the theater and you could barely hear yourself think, wondering how anyone was able to speak over all this noise. The pictures moved before you, an image of a bed displayed with a woman slipping under it’s covers, some unknown voice speaking of the amazing mattress she was sleeping on. The commercial was dull and uninspired, but you loved every moment of it. The next commercial began playing and you found yourself completely lost at the object being sold. 

“WHAT’S A TV?” You turned to Severus and asked him. Immediately everyone in front of you turned and looked at you funny, some shushing you, others looking like you’d gone mad. You looked back at them wide eyed, unsure of what you did wrong. You turned to Severus to see him trying to suppress a smile, chuckling under his breath as he looked at you. 

“You aren’t supposed to speak in the theaters,” he whispered in your ear. He leaned back in his chair and saw a look of disappointment and embarrassment wash over your face. He suddenly felt very guilty for not informing you sooner of the general rules of the theater and leaned back to whisper the answer to your question, hoping if he tried to have a light conversation, you would cheer up. “A TV is like a portable theater. You can use it to watch movies at home.”

You smiled when Severus answered your question, feeling better about shouting in a place where talking was forbidden. But for the second time today, Severus was there to make it up to you, to make you smile when you felt so down. Placing your hand on his, you silently thanked him, not daring to try and whisper your gratitude to him. Severus felt his heart skip a beat when he felt the gentle graze of your fingers slipping over his hand. He looked down at the armrest between you and saw your hand over his and slowly, he turned his over to hold yours, returning your smile as the commercials continued to blaze the room. 

Neither of you wanted to move away when the movie finally started, half your focus on his thumb mindlessly caressing your knuckles, stopping when you squeezed his hand in approval. Severus wasn’t sure what to make of your small gesture having convinced himself you’d hate him after what happened this morning, that you’d never want to speak with him again after tonight. Your hand in his kept him hopeful that you’d want to explore whatever it was between you, that you’d at least be willing to keep him as a friend during your last year at Hogwarts. 

He cautiously turned his head towards you, trying to catch a glance of your face as you watched the movie. Your eyes were so full of wonder and he could only imagine how happy you both could have been if you’d spent the entire day exploring the city like you were meant to do. He would never forgive himself for passing up such an opportunity, promising himself he’d spend as long as he could trying to make up for that time you lost. But for now, he was happy to watch your eyes sparkle and your soft smile. 

You easily lost track of time, your thoughts wandering from the movie to the boy sitting next to you. Any other day you would be infatuated with questions about how Muggles had managed to make moving pictures, how they could capture and tell a story in such an amazing way. But all you could think about was Severus and everything he’d done to mend your first impression of him, of how hard he tried to lift your mood and how amazing it would be to have such a person by your side during your last year at Hogwarts. You fantasized study sessions with him late in the Slytherin common room, cuddling up to him as you both crammed for your N.E.W.T exams. You dreamt of a future where you kept in touch with Severus after graduation and saw all the mesmerizing achievements you knew he would accomplish.  

Peeling your eyes away from the screen, you glanced over at Severus to catch a glimpse of his eyes before he quickly turned away from you, his hair falling before his face and his hand retreating to his lap. He looked like you’d just caught him stealing from the Potion’s cupboard, ashamed of what he’d done and you felt your heart sink at the empty feeling in your hand. Abandoning all care for the movie, you kept your eyes on Severus, your hand slowly moving to find his again. You gently placed your hand in his, hoping he wouldn’t pull away, hoping if you tried to be forward with your emotions, he might return them. 

Severus held your hand and looked up to find you looking so softly at him, a gentle smile tugging at the corner of your parted lips. He locked his eyes with yours and lost himself in your admiration for him. You opened your mouth like you had something important to tell him until you remembered what happened the last time you spoke in this theater. Your eyes fell from his a moment as you rethought your approach, needing to tell him how you felt. Severus tried to read your expression, wanting to know what was going through your mind. He hoped you weren’t having second thoughts, that you didn’t regret taking him up on his offer.

He waited anxiously to see you pull back and walk away from him. But instead, you slowly leaned forward, your eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips. His heart raced at the idea of a kiss from you, his body leaping at the chance as he leaned forward. You smiled when he mirrored your movements, giving you enough courage to close the distance between you and press your lips against his. Severus eagerly kissed you back, bewildered by the emotions you conveyed. You were pouring out your heart to him, showing him how you felt, how infatuated you were with him, how much you admired him, needing him in your life. You wanted to be close with him, to earn his trust and him yours. It felt so right, and you were overjoyed to see Severus return your feelings. 

You finally parted and suddenly became very thankful Severus had picked the second last row with no one sitting behind you. If you were judged for speaking in the theater, you could only imagine how people would react if they caught you both so passionately declaring your love for each other through that kiss. Your grin stretched from one ear to the other as you opened your eyes, never wanting to lean too far back from him. You looked at him with such glee, his own smile growing larger than you’d ever seen. His happiness seemed so pure, so real, and you felt your heart flutter at the thought that one kiss from you had him floating on clouds. You watched his eyes flicker down to your lips again and you could hardly contain your giggle as his free hand reached to cup your jaw, his thumb caressing your cheek as he leaned in for a few more soft playful kisses. 

His lips were thin, but his adoration for you was ever present as they met yours over and over again. He lightly tugged on your bottom lip with his teeth and just when you thought you’d find yourself kicked out of the theater for all the affection flowing between you, Severus stopped and leaned back, admiring your eyes as his hand slipped down from your face to his lap. You happily interlocked your fingers with his and looked back to the movie, leaning as far towards Severus as the seat would allow. You felt his arm press against yours as he mimicked your movements, hardly able to take his eyes off you. 

He did his best to pay attention, or at least to appear as though he was watching the film, but his thoughts were all fixed on you. He wanted so badly to hear you explain what had just happened, to ask why you’d done such a thing when you barely knew him, when you knew he wasn’t perfect. But that was the precise reason why you admired him so much. His imperfections had never been something he’d tried to hide, whether it be his large hooked nose, his greasy hair, his lanky body, his need to lean on others or gullibility. He never tried to keep the world from seeing his flaws like many others would. He instead displayed strength trying to improve himself, showing you the same ambition he carried during class when he came to find you at that diner tonight. He was perfectly imperfect and you couldn’t wait to get to know him better. You couldn’t wait to build a relationship in this new world you’d created with him.

 ~

@dracos-mudblood @darkthought15 @severuslovebot @mitchiesdungeon @bush-viper-cutie @wanderingtrails @sleepysnapesnake @fluffymadamina

[thetravelingmaster]

Curiosity Converted Kitty

Female’s Point of View - Conditioning - Technology

As I got undress, I still couldn’t believe that I was about to actually try out the secret prototype sex machine that I found hidden in the basement. It all seemed so unreal! But I was bored out of my mind and I knew I would never EVER try such a thing for real if I was utterly alone Like I was now. ​ ​No one would ever find out...

I would get to have a ride on the state of the art machine before me. It was win/win! Let’s go back a few weeks so I can explain why I ended up here. I had just finished my last year of college and was eager to hit the job market. Sadly though, when the syllabus says that students get to have a 100% placement rate at the end of their degree, it was a big fat lie just to get us to enroll. Anyway, my major wasn't important, my lack of a job was. I was bartending at my local drinking hole and was utterly desperate for a change of pace. I mean... Really... I come from a VERY small town. Ok the people are nice, but I yearn to travel. To see places... One of my friends told me about this site that offers house sitting jobs over the summer. I was intrigued so I looked it up. For the most part, you only need to do basic house chores while the owners are away and you get to live in their house. I read that for most people, it's an insurance thing and if you pass the interview, you get to live rent free in their home in exchange for work. It wasn’t exactly what my bank account was looking for, but then again, it was the perfect opportunity to get out of Dodge! I applied for a few and did 2 interviews via video chat. It was basic stuff and I got the feeling they wanted to make sure they weren’t hiring someone that would wreck their homes instead of looking after it. The second interview went really well and a week later he called me to tell me he was going to hire me. I was ecstatic! His name was Richard something and he was perfect. Why? Because his mansion was FAR away from my hometown! He paid for my travel fairs and I marveled at his estate. He lived on the outskirts of a small town, which bugged me a little because I hoped I would get a nice change of pace, but I didn’t complain because at least, nobody knew me up here! He met me at the door and I was immediately impressed by his elegant attire. He was very warm and inviting as he toured the mansion with me. He had so many rooms! He told me he had a personal delivery service that he filled out online and food would be delivered every week right at the door. I just had to point and click anything I wanted from the site and it would be delivered. How awesome is that? He was smiling and happy the whole time until we arrived at a locked door that led to the basement. He became very serious as he told me that going down to his private basement was strictly forbidden. He made me promise twice before he was satisfied with my answer. Other than that, I had unlimited wifi and all the channels one could dream of. If it wasn’t for all the rooms to clean once a week, this job would have been a real 5 star vacation! Which in truth it was. Cleaning such a spotless home was a breeze and I could do it all in a day without breaking a sweat. The first week I was there, I surfed his television channels and got caught up on all my TV series. I admit that the break from my real life was just what the doctor ordered. I binged until I was getting bored of watching television. I did a few visits in town and did a long drive around the surrounding countryside, which was breathtaking, but even then I got bored. That’s when my thoughts went back to the locked door. He should have just said that the door was broken or something. Being so serious about it being off limits just piqued my curiosity. So far I had been a good girl and hadn’t intruded, but it has been 3 weeks and I was bored. I took it as a challenge...

**********************************

Copy this link to read the rest of this story

mc-diaries.com/traveling-masters-blog/curiosity-converted-kitty

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 3

photo credit - unknown 

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, stalking, depictions of murder/violence, angst, verbal fighting, drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, smoking (cigarettes) 

summary -  “If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought this was what ‘seeing red’ meant

a/n - hi besties! im so sorry this update took so long! i really wanted to make it perfect and was struggling with putting this together. to make it up this chapter is a whopping 5.9k words so uh enjoy lol!

masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3

chapter 2 // chapter 4

-----

You had to physically stop yourself- gripping the desk chair beside you so hard your knuckles turned white- from following Aaron out the office door and demanding he make sense of the whole good cop- ha!- bad cop show he’d been putting on since the two of you had been horribly reunited outside of the police station. 

This had been the second instance of him implying or accusing you of somehow worsening the case. And he hadn’t even been in LA for over 24hrs. It wasn’t fair, you thought, angrily grumbling to yourself about all the different ways you’d love to give him a piece of your mind. If he’d been a regular man, that you’d never met before, you probably wouldn’t consider his current behavior to be so- out of pocket? disgraceful? insulting?- offensive. You knew he had a reputation for being...,a hardass on the job, but that didn’t mean he had to go overboard in his treatment towards you. Maybe he wasn’t going overboard, maybe this was just how he treated every- you weren’t sure exactly how to define yourself in the case- witness? Maybe this is just what his team expected in terms of his behavior towards people he didn’t know.

But he did know you, he knew you quite well. He knew you well enough to know you’d never purposely attempt to slow the case down. Even without his fancy profiler skills, you were certain Aaron Hotchner knew every little thing about you. Or at least he used to. 

And while Aaron may know everything there was to know about you, you were beginning to doubt if you actually knew anything about him. As expected, over the past two months the case had been taking an extreme toll on you; constantly looking over your shoulder and worrying that someone was lurking behind every corner. What made it worse, was that it was yet another situation that required you to keep a secret. You ‘had’ the officers at the station and your agent, but besides them you were dealing with this completely on your own. Making the situation about yourself felt wrong, but you couldn’t even begin to explain how hurt you felt at Aaron's accusations that you were somehow more part of the problem than you were a victim. Yes, you hadn’t gone up to him and explicitly told him how badly you were hurting, but it’s not like it took a genius- or a profiler- to reach that conclusion themselves. 

It hurt, to have someone whose validation you had once- still did- crave so much, suddenly act as if you were a ‘bad guy’. Maybe you were being dramatic, you thought. Maybe you were overreacting and reading far too deep into such short interactions. On the other hand, you reasoned that it was perfectly acceptable to have feelings. Before you could delve deeper into that mental tirade, a sharp knock on the doorframe grabbed your attention. Looking up, you saw JJ leaning halfway into the room. 

“Sorry,” you said, awkwardly letting go of the chair, “I uh, got caught up with uh, just you know, thoughts about the case!” Smooth. You tried to put a cheery tone in your voice. You tried to subtly study her reaction as you walked over to her and it was clear she wasn’t exactly buying into your sudden happy attitude. She didn’t press you though, something you were grateful for. Instead she just moved out of the doorframe, letting you join her in the hallway. 

“The rest of the team has split up already, would you like to start in the basement?” JJ asked. You had only spoken to her a couple times, briefly at that, but you already found great comfort in her presence; you could see why she held the position, her ability to comfort and connect with others was unbeatable. Definitely need to send JJ a case of wine as a gift. 

You nodded dumbly, joining her in the hallway and taking her down towards your basement. Internally, you guessed the little ‘tour’ would only take an hour tops, considering all the little spiels you’d have to give about each room. 

You felt a bit like when you went through airport security or when a police car was on a road you were driving on. That sinking feeling that somehow you were going to get in trouble even though you knew you didn’t have anything to hide. Damn Aaron. His apparent lowly opinion of you was definitely messing with your head. Oh well. 

As you lead JJ towards the basement, you could vaguely hear the other agents throughout the house. A door opening here or the sound of papers rustling over there. You hadn’t exactly asked how they would be able to tell if something was missing or out of place. But honestly? You didn’t really care what the team did in your house, as long as they figured out how the unsub had gotten in there. 

You’d already come to terms with the fact that the unsub had managed to steal your clothes and jewelry, but you just couldn’t shake the fact that he had gotten into your house. Part of you secretly wished he had pick-pocketed you on a busy street or was stealing stuff off a film set instead. It would’ve been equally as bad and creepy and horrifying, but it would’ve been worth still feeling safe in your own house. 

Smacking the lightswitch on the wall behind you, the entire basement became illuminated. “So,” you started, really drawing out the word, “this is the basement. It’s technically one big open floor, but well,” you gestured lazily with your hand, “you can see it’s kinda still split up. There’s a movie room behind those doors right there.” 

JJ stepped ahead of you, walking towards the high windows in the basement. You watched as she ran her fingers along the window edges, carefully going over each one. “Do these open?” She asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly shook your head. “They’re mostly just for, like, decoration purposes.” You responded, giving a slight shrug. “I um, I’m not down here much unless I’m having people over. And those stairs we came down are the only way to get in here.” You added, thinking that’d probably be helpful. 

JJ gave you that nice smile again and started towards the movie room. “I’m just gonna look in here real quick and then we can go back upstairs, okay?” 

You stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, rolling back and forth from your heels to your tippy toes, awkwardly playing with your hands in front of yourself. You knew her movie room scan wouldn’t take wrong, there were zero windows in there and no other point of entry besides the door she had walked through. 

Just as you expected, JJ came back out no longer than five minutes later. Once she got closer to you, you turned slowly on your heel and started back up the stairs. “We can start upstairs and then meet the rest of your team on the main level?” You offered.

“Lead the way.” 

“There’s um, two ways to get upstairs. There’s that main staircase you saw in the foyer and also there’s a ‘servants stair’ in the back,” you said, making air quotes with your fingers at the ‘servants stair’ part, “I have people that work in the house sometimes, but it’s not an actual designated staircase for anyone.” You explained, unsure of why you were feeling so anxious. 

“Why don’t we go up using the second set of stairs? Since I’ve already seen the main set.” JJ said. 

You nodded dumbly again, and walked in the direction of the back stairs. Once upstairs, you gave the same room spiel to JJ about six times. This is ‘x’ room, yep those windows can open, nope no one regularly comes into this room, yes the balcony doors do lock from the inside. 

Just as you thought earlier, the little tour took just a couple minutes under an hour. You and JJ were standing in your kitchen, both of you leaning against opposite countertops. According to JJ the whole team had agreed to meet up in your kitchen once they were done with their scans, so it seemed that you two were the first to finish. Also expected. 

You were lucky you hadn’t run into Aaron the entire time. At times you could vaguely hear his voice coming from another room and all that did was pull on your heartstrings and remind you of when the two of you were together. Aside from the sadness factor, you still weren’t sure you could trust yourself to not yell at him as soon as you saw him again. 

“That’s funny.” JJ said amusedly-more to herself than to you-, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“What is?” You asked. She had moved from her spot by the countertops, to standing in front of your liquor wall, staring up at a bottle you couldn’t quite recognize from your position. 

“Oh, just Agent Hotchner? Out there,” she said, gesturing broadly out to where the rest of the team might be, “he loves this brand of scotch. We joke sometimes that he’d pick it over us if he was given the choice. But apparently it’s super difficult to get. He started getting lucky a few years ago and found a way to buy it, but recently I guess that luck ran out and he hasn’t been able to find it anymore.” 

Your eyes went wide at that. Yes. That scotch was super difficult to get and it was ridiculously expensive. And yes, Aaron loved the stuff. The two of you used to constantly argue over money. He hated that you were always the one paying for everything and had created a ‘rule’ that you weren’t allowed to buy him any gifts. Of course, you managed to find a way around that rule and found that this specific scotch was his gift achilles heel. So, you used to send him a steady supply while also keeping a bottle at your place for the rare occasions he was over. 

“Oh?” You squeaked. 

“Yeah, it’s super rare or something. They only make so many batches a year don’t they?” JJ asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly pulled your emotions in when she turned towards you, just giving her your third dumb nod of the day. “Yep, super hard to get. Super super hard. I uh, got as a gift once, I don’t even like the stuff.” 

“You should tell Hotch. I bet he’d pay pretty well for it.” She said with a laugh, shaking her head. Definitely will not be doing that. 

----

Upstairs, Rossi and Hotch were looking through your upstairs office. While your downstairs office was more work based- you stored scripts and had meetings down there, etc.-, your upstairs office was used for your more ‘personal’ work tasks. 

“If the unsub is taking her clothes, we might have better success scoping out her closet. See the potential entry and exit points from her room that the unsub must be taking.” Rossi proposed. 

Hotch nodded at that, putting down the stack of fan mail he’d been flipping through, trying to find any repeats or ‘creepy’ letters. He made a mental note to have Reid come and read through the piles of other mail you had neatly stacked around the room.

Your attention to fanmail had been one of the things that had quickened the process of him falling in love with you. He had had his doubts in the beginning of you relationship- he had stereotyped you for sure-, your age and status giving him somewhat valid concerns that you’d be insanely disconnected from the normal world. You’d proved him wrong in many ways since the beginning, but one of those ways had been the many days you’d call him from this room, reading through every single letter you were sent and always making sure to send a small note back. 

“Good idea, let’s go.” Hotch said. He walked out of office and didn’t think twice, his body automatically walking towards the room a few doors down from your bedroom. You didn’t keep your closet in your bedroom, you had actually put a little couch and sitting room in your bedroom closet space. Instead you’d taken an entire guest room and converted it into a full dressing room/closet that was a better fit for your needs. 

As Hotch went straight into the room, he missed the narrow look Rossi was giving him from the doorframe. It only took a couple minutes, but eventually Hotch looked up, cocking an eyebrow at Rossi. “Are you going to come in?” He questioned. 

“You knew her closet wasn’t in her room.” Rossi noted, amusement clear in his voice. 

Hotch’s face paled, before he steeled his emotions back over. “I saw the clothes while walking past earlier and made the deduction.” 

“She’s pretty, isn’t she Aaron?” Rossi teased, clearly finding a lot of enjoyment in this conversation. 

“Dave,” Hotch groaned, running a hand over his face, “just, not now okay?” He asked, the desperation clear in his voice. 

Rossi certainly didn’t have the entire story figured out, but he wasn’t dumb either, he could piece things together. As much as he’d love to keep busting Hotch over this, there was something about how gentle he had been with you in the conference room and his current clear discomfort that persuaded Rossi otherwise. Rossi grinned at Hotch and raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“So, we know the unsub doesn’t have to necessarily be quiet, her room is at least what, 3-”

“Four and across the hall.” Hotch huffed out, not looking up to meet Rossi’s eyes.

“Four and across the hall away. So he doesn’t need to sneak past her if he’s coming in at night...” 

----

Back in the kitchen, you turned your head at the sound of the back patio doors opening, showing Morgan and Spencer. Guess they’d be the second pair done with their house tour. 

Just as you were about to open your mouth and offer the two of them something to drink, you noticed the rather grim expressions on both their faces. Upon better inspection, you saw Spencer was tightly gripping on to a dirty journal. 

“What’s that?” You asked curiously, trying to get a better look at it. 

“I found this uh, journal out by the edge of your property line. I think it may belong to the unsub.” Reid responded, giving you a tight lipped look. 

It was terribly cliche, but you couldn’t help but gasp at that. Your eyes going wide and your mouth hanging open. 

“I flipped through it, there’s nothing that clearly identifies him, but it seems like he was keeping track of your comings and goings. As well as keeping a list of the things he took from your house, we can cross check that list with-” 

“Can I look at it?” You interjected, a morbid curiosity consuming your mind. 

Reid gave an unsure glance at the two other agents in the room. “I think it’d be better for the rest of the team and I to look through the journal first, and make sure there’s nothing uh...upsetting in it.” 

----

With the new revelations that the unsub had managed to break into your home multiple times, the team decided it would be best for at least one of them to be with you at the house at all times; during the day they would assign a plainclothes officer to discreetly sit watch. It was comical, the way they decided on the watch and then promptly assigned Aaron the first shift of the night. 

You wondered why he agreed to it, knowing he could’ve easily pulled a seniority boss card and taken himself out of any and all future watch shifts as well. He probably didn’t want you to get closer with any of his agents, should you accidentally say something a bit too personal. He also probably assumed that with the late hour of the night, you’d immediately be going to bed or at least locking yourself away in your room for the rest of the night. 

The team had stayed hours after their first walkthroughs of the house, the new list and notes from the unsub giving you all a better idea of what to look for. You had gone through the list of clothes and jewelry in front of the team, giving them a base description of what you assumed the unsub had meant, whether or not you had considered it missing and where you thought you’d last seen it in the house.

Unfortunately, whatever Aaron had been banking on wouldn’t be happening. You hadn’t been able to shake the sinking feeling that your house was no longer a home anymore. It was painfully cheesy, but you knew that trying to sleep would be futile. Nor did you really feel like being ‘alone’ in your room. That didn’t mean you were going to strike up a conversation with Aaron or ask him to play a board game or something, but you wouldn’t be shutting away from the rest of the night. 

After the team left, you had gone upstairs and changed into a more comfortable outfit for the evening; just your trusty sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. You were now walking back down the stairs and towards your kitchen; you grasped a lighter and your emergency cigarette pack in one hand. As you made your way into the kitchen, you could feel Aarons eyes on you from wherever he was seated in the living room. You pointedly ignored him, instead setting the pack and lighter down, freeing your hands so you could mix yourself your favorite drink. 

Once your drink was prepped, you balanced all your things in your hands and made your way back through the living room and out the grand French doors that lead to your backyard. You walked over to one of your lounge chairs that overlooked the pool and had a beautiful view of the sky and bright lights of the city. You turned on one of your favorite playlists and made yourself comfy in the chair, lighting up one of the cigarettes. 

With the first inhale, you felt your body relax. It was a horrible habit- you knew that-, but if there was ever a time to stress smoke, you reasoned it was probably now. Over the sound of your music, you faintly heard one of the doors open again, but you didn’t bother turning around. 

“I thought you quit.” Aaron said, quite literally coming out of the shadows. Even though you didn’t turn to look at him, you could perfectly imagine him in your mind; probably leaning up against one of the legs of the cabana, arms tightly crossed and a deep scowl on his face. 

“I did.” You replied plainly, blowing a steady stream of smoke out of your mouth. Using your free hand you picked your glass back off the chair side table, twirling it slowly. As you took a long sip, you could hear Aaron walk closer, not quite coming into view yet. 

“Drinking and abusing substances in response to a traumatic situation is widely frowned upon. 

“Thank you Surgeon General,” you said, rolling your eyes before adding, “no offense Agent, but right now, I don’t really think it matters.” You didn’t even bother attempting to argue that you were on your first drink and first smoke. 

“It matters, when my team will be counting on you tomorrow. The expectation is that you’ll be a useful and legitimate resource.” Aaron said, voice tight. 

“Do you really think I’m dumb enough to actually believe, that you believe that a single drink is going to render me useless?” You asked, finally turning your head so you could give him a pointed look. When he didn’t answer you rolled your eyes again, turning back away from him. “It doesn’t matter, Agent, I’m unavailable to be a resource tomorrow.” 

“What do you mean, unavailable?” Aaron asked. He finally walked into view, sitting down on the chair next to you. He positioned his legs over the edge facing you, resting his elbows off his knees. 

“What do you mean unavailable?” You said mockingly- the alcohol in your system and stress of the day emboldening your behavior. You paused for a moment to take another drag from your cigarette; Aaron didn’t miss the way you turned your head further from him during your exhale. “You have your job Agent, I have mine.” 

“There is a dangerous free man out there with a special interest in you. He’s not only managed to break into your house but is also murdering surrogate women in place of you,” he said, voice growing louder as he went, “and you think you should go to a film set? How immature and irresponsible are-” 

“Stop doing that!” You cut him off, snapping your head to face him. For a brief moment, you were taken aback by how close he’d been sitting. “Stop painting me to be some dumb self centered girl. This is the fourth time today.” You said, staring him hard in the face, neither of your breaking eye contact. He always looked so good with a beard- stop that. 

“I’m trying to do my job and protect you,” he paused, eyes scanning your face, “I couldn’t handle anything happening to you.” In that moment, his voice was so painfully honest and it almost made you want to agree to do whatever dumb rules he had for you. 

Almost.

Instead, you swung your legs to the side of the chair opposite to him, standing up in a quick blur of motion. “Stop doing that too!” You exclaimed, running your free hand over your face. You took a long drag from your cigarette, placing one hand on your hip. Aaron was giving you a genuinely confused look and you just wanted to wipe it off in one big swipe. “Stop doing some weird little bait and switch between acting like I’m a diva and then trying to end it with some vaguely little sweet comment.” 

“You actually think I don’t care about your safety?” Aaron asked, the faintest bit of hurt in his voice. He stood up as well before continuing. “You think this isn’t a difficult case for me?” 

“You do not get to do that!” You said angrily, pointing a free finger out at him. “You are not allowed to try and make yourself a victim in this story while you simultaneously make me part of the problem. How the hell can you see yourself as even remotely ‘good’ when you left the way you did?” There it was. Maybe it was immature, dragging the breakup into the argument, but the days’ tension- not to mention the months of bottled up emotions- was finally snapping inside of you. 

“If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought that this must be what ‘seeing red’ meant. 

“Do you treat all your witnesses like this?” You were full on yelling now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “Is this your version of appropriate conduct, Agent Hotchner? You’ve proven to be nothing but incompetent! You can’t even see two inches past your own fucking face to consider this from my perspective!” 

Your words had their intended effect. Aaron’s face fell for the briefs of moments before years of bottling his own emotions took back over. You had to give him some credit for keeping it, outwardly, more together than you were. “I won't fight with you over something as trivial as this. You’ll report to the station in the morning with the rest of the team.” He ordered, voice dangerously low. 

“I have to work!” You exclaimed, putting heavy emphasis on each word. 

“Going to work isn’t safe. Do you understand that? Your stalker is well acquainted with your schedule, you need to step away from what’s expected of you. It’s dangerous-”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, shaking your head, “are you even listening to yourself? Your job is dangerous every single day, hell you didn’t even step away when the job was dangerous specifically to you! How am I supposed to take advice you can’t even follow?” At the end of your sentence, you angrily stubbed out your cigarette in the ashtray, leaving the butt in the tray. 

“This isn’t about me.” Aaron snapped, voice loudest it’d been all night. “I’m trying to keep you safe. What part of that don’t you understand?” He asked, giving you a tough look. You found yourself at a loss for words and he took your silence as an opening to continue. “I can’t stand to see you get hurt.”

“Are you finally understanding how exhausting it was to love you!” You blurted out, the words catching even you by surprise. You forcibly blinked back the tears forming your eyes. “That this, is how I felt each time you were called away on a case?” 

Aaron was equally as shocked, his mouth opening in vain a few times as he searched for the proper response. “I made sure you were properly aware of the risks and demands of my job before we started our relationship.” Bad answer.

“And I never complained,” you replied, a defeated tone creeping into your voice, “not once, did I?”

“If you’re going to accuse me of hypocrisy, you should recognize it in yourself. You were equally if not more in demand than I was.” 

“I thought you liked that I was so ‘in demand’!” You said, the frustration growing again. “What was it you always said? You liked not having to worry about me alone at home, waiting up for you.” 

“You’re coming to the station tomorrow Y/N. Final order.” Aaron repeated, completely ignoring your last statement. 

“You know what,” you said, the fight in your voice gone, “I don’t have to put up with this and your lame attempts at trying to be a good guy. I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You quickly leaned over to swipe your cigarette pack and glass of the little table. 

“Are you actually going to run away from this?” He asked, almost as if he was trying to bait you back into the argument.

You scoffed loudly, staring him dead in the eyes. “You did.” 

You angrily walked around him, nearly stomping the entire way to the door. As you were halfway into the house you paused for a moment, not even slightly turning your head back towards him. “Blankets are still in the same spot in the living room.” You said, slamming the door behind you as soon the sentence left your lips. 

-----

The next morning, promptly at 8am, an email from your agent was sent to Aaron. It was incredibly petty and inherently personal, but to an outsider it was nothing out of the ordinary for someone of your status. Aaron was near furious, as expected, but even in his stubbornness he could see you had the high ground. Long story short, the email plainly stated vaguely threatened that if your work schedule were to become an issue for the team, you could easily send a ‘spokesperson’ from your team to deal with any and all future communications. Y/N 2, Aaron Hotchner 0.

Back at your house, you were having a lovely morning. The victory tasted sweet in your mouth as you got yourself ready for the long day. Sometime around 4:00AM Reid had switched out with Aaron and the two of you were currently in your kitchen; Reid sitting at one of your countertop stools while you stood over the stove. After being angrily informed by Aaron that you wouldn’t be required to come into the station with Reid, you decided to make a simple breakfast for the two of you. Reid had wanted to leave sooner, but he was also under orders to not leave you alone until you were safely in your own car and on your way.

You weren’t sure how he felt, but you thought you and Reid got along quite well. He was the closest in age to you and even though he didn’t really seem to understand any of the little jokes or references you made, there was still some level of mutual understanding there. It didn’t hurt that he was quite easy on the eyes as well, of course he wasn’t Aaron by any means- stop that! 

Over breakfast, you spent the entire time answering Reid’s many questions about various actors and actresses he was a fan of. Lucky boy, you thought; as all the people he mentioned were quite nice even when the camera was off. What was it that people said about never meeting your hero? 

He graciously offered to do all the clean up, as you had cooked, which gave you a bit of extra time to make sure you were ready to go. When you both were ready and Reid had confirmed the plainclothes officer was positioned on your street, he helped you to your car. 

With one hand on the top of your car, just as you were about to sit down, you stopped and turned to Reid. “I enjoyed breakfast, would you please tell Agent Hotchner how sorry I am that my schedule’s gotten in the way?” You asked, giving him your sweetest smile. It was another petty move and Aaron was sure to see right through it; the team had amazing skills at reading people, you knew that, but you were an equally talented actress. “I’ll make sure to let you guys know when I’ll be back at home tonight.” You added, before sliding into your car. Reid closed the door gently behind you, waving from the outside of your garage as you pulled out and drove off. 

-----

Case wise, the next two days were quiet. You had won the ‘going to work battle’ by a longshot and happily went about your scheduled days. Aaron hadn’t taken another watch shift since the argument, something you were grateful for. It wasn’t until the fourth day, that the case started to pick up again.

“Agent Hotchner?” A young officer stepped into the conference room, holding out a thick manila envelope. “This was just dropped off at the front desk, addressed to you.” That certainly captured the entire team’s attention; every head turning, as if off on a swivel, to face the officer. 

“Who dropped it off?” Hotch demanded. ‘Who dropped it off?” He repeated, an added aggression in his voice. 

“Some kid! Some kid dropped it at the front and left before anyone could get a word out!” The officer said hurriedly, raising one of his hands up in a meek surrender. 

Hotch stepped up to the officer, easily snatching the envelope out of his hands. “Assure that my technical analyst has access to your entire security feed. Now.” He ordered, not giving the officer as a second glance. “Morgan, call Garcia and make sure she accesses those tapes and identifies the kid immediately.” 

Hotch went back to standing in front of the long table in the middle of the room, setting the envelope down in front of him. “Gloves, I need-” A pair were placed in his outstretched hand by Reid before he could finish. “I don’t want anyone touching anything that comes out of here without gloves, understood?” He said, not looking at anyone in particular. His focus, completely drawn to the angry penmanship that spelled out his name. After quickly pulling his gloves all the way on, Hotch grabbed the envelope again, internally shoving down his emotions before ripping off the top edge in one clean pull. Nothing could have prepared him for the way the envelope was overflowing with hundreds of photos of you. He tilted the envelope and they all came falling out, covering the table in front of him. Reid mentally estimated there were over five hundred photos of you- some seemed to be cut, some looked to have writing and designs on them- and there were even a few slips of paper thrown in the mix. 

“Hotch, Garcia managed to grab the plate from what the kid drove off in. She's running it-” Morgan said, his sentence running off as he took in the table full of photos. “Holy shit.” He said quietly, making his way closer to the table as well. 

Hotch reached down, picking up the closest photo to him. There you were, standing on a boardwalk with your hand blocking the sun from your eyes. You looked beautiful- stop that. As Hotch further studied the photo, he picked up a second one, taking another good look. It struck Hotch and the team then, the majority of the photos were grossly intimate; as if the unsub had taken them by himself. Hotch’s stomach twisted when his eyes fell on a photo that looked like you were posing for it, throwing a big smile and peace sign up at the camera. 

“Did Garcia get any hits on any scorned lovers?” Emily asked, holding up a photo of you and a man. The face and body of the man had been aggressively scratched over and cut up, but Aaron had a sinking feeling it was of him. 

“Yea, I got another potential ex photo right here.” Reid said, holding up another picture. In this one you had clearly been looking up at someone, but the photo had been crudely cut up to exclude whoever it was. 

Morgan held up one of the slips of papers, giving it a confused look. “You lost Aaron?” He said, reading off the paper. “What’s the reasoning for singling out Hotch rather than someone closer to her age like Reid” He questioned, not expecting anyone to answer. 

“I got one of Hotch’s face scribbled over. He must’ve gotten the photo online.” Emily added, holding up a professional headshot of Hotch. “Is anyone seeing photos of the rest of us? The unsub could see all of us as interfering with his connection to Y/N.” 

Hotch’s stomach was twisted in all different directions. He knew the moment of truth was coming and was internally cursing himself for not coming clean sooner. But that paled in comparison to the sickness he felt over the unsub clearly being someone who had such personal access to you. He was certain that some of these photos dates back years. The idea that whoever was doing this had been so close to you, for so long, could’ve brought him to his knees. 

“Hotch…” JJ said, her voice accusatory. She looked up at him, face a mix of confusion and a hint of betrayal. She held up another photo and the entire team went quiet. This photo was clearly taken at a distance, but there you were looking lovingly up at a man who was certainly Hotch. 

Hotch had one hand clenched tightly on the edge of the table, taking a deep breath before he looked up at his agents staring expectantly at him.  

“I haven’t been completely honest with you all,” Hotch started, running his free hand over his face, “I met Y/N five years ago and we were together for three, until I ended things.” He was sure someone had audibly gasped at that. “I know you all may have various concerns over my proximity to the case and are valid in any anger you may feel towards me. But right now, I need to go call Y/N and make sure she’s safe.” 

Hotch didn’t give anyone a chance to reply, instead whipping out his phone and near running out the door. Leaving a team of confused and shocked agents in his wake.

-----

a/n - of course, thank you all for reading. it means the world to me! also just the quickest of shoutouts to @kylorendrip and @ssahoodrathotchner who both constantly put up with my writing complaints and all the random ideas i bounce around their dms on the daily. 

taglist - @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yallgotkik @sunflowersandotherthings @alexrodriguez1269

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

[thesibfiles]

Courtney going on tour right after?

Theres a misconception that after Kurts death, Courtney went straight on tour right away. This is false. The album was already set to release a few days after and they couldnt change that on such a short notice. Promotion for the album was cancelled and she pushed back the tour 4 months.

“Live Through This was supposed to provide Love an opportunity to step out from her famous husband’s shadow. “It’s annoying now, and it’s been annoying for nine years, Love said in a 1999 Jane Magazine interview of always being connected to Cobain. Released four days after Cobain’s body was found, the album’s promotion was put on hold. Rather than retreat from the public eye, Love openly mourned and helped fans of Cobain and Nirvana make sense of the singer’s death. She sat with grieving teenagers gathered outside the couple’s Seattle home and recorded a reading of parts of his suicide note that was played at the singer’s memorial that gathered near the Space Needle. In the days following his death, Love showed a very raw and emotional side and admitted that, like many fans, she didn’t have all the answers. 

It was, and still is, impossible for people to discuss Live Through This without noting the irony of the album’s title. Love has said the name was not a prediction at all, but instead a reflection of all she had endured in the months leading up to its release, including a very public custody fight with the Los Angeles Department of Family Services over daughter Frances Bean. Rumors suggested that Cobain had written much of Live Through This (it’s Miss World, not Mister, just FYI). “I’d be proud as hell to say that he wrote something on it, but I wouldn’t let him. It was too Yoko for me. It’s like, ‘No fucking way, man! I’ve got a good band, I don’t fucking need your help,’” was Love’s response to critics in Spin’s oral history of Live Through This. Love and Cobain often shared notebooks and lyrics with each other, and while there is talk of Cobain’s influence on Love’s work, or the writing of all of it, less is mentioned in the press of her impact on his lyrics and music. Rather than sucking all the life out of Nirvana or threatening the success of the band, like many assumed she would do, she inspired Cobain. Fun fact: In Utero, Nirvana’s last album, was named after a line from one of Love’s poems.

Sadly, songwriting rumors would be replaced by other rumors. Women are often vilified and condemned for the deaths of their male partners. Love, like all women, was supposed to save her partner from death and addiction. Fans of Cobain projected all their anger and resentment over the loss of the Nirvana front man onto Love, and soon she was blamed for not only his addiction but also his death. There are even two movies devoted to the theory that Courtney killed Kurt: the awful Soaked in Bleach (2015) and the equally awful Kurt & Courtney (1998). If you think we’ve come a long way, baby, sadly we haven’t. 

One year after Anthony Bourdain’s death, Asia Argento is still being blamed, and in September 2018, Ariana Grande had to take a break from social media after fans blamed her for the death of her ex Mac Miller. A few months later, she would be blamed for new beau Pete Davidson’s mental health and addiction issues. It’s amazing she finds the time to write hit songs what with all the dude destruction she has going on. When women are not being blamed for the deaths of the men in their lives, they are being attacked for not grieving properly. “She wasn’t crying. She’s got $30 million coming to her. Do you blame her for being so cool?” a hospital staffer said of Yoko Ono following John Lennon’s murder in 1980. 

About four months after Cobain’s death, Love went on tour to promote her new album. Some questioned and judged why she would go on tour so soon, but Love has said it was a necessity. She had a young daughter to support. She needed to work. She also, sadly, still needed to prove herself. “I would like to think that I’m not getting the sympathy vote, and the only way to do that is to prove that what I’ve got is real,” Love told Rolling Stone in 1994.

Twenty-five years later, Cobain’s death still hangs over Live Through This. In the days leading up to the anniversary of Cobain’s death, former Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur wrote an open letter to music magazine Kerrang saying she “would not stand for Kurt’s death overshadowing the life and work of the women he left behind this year.”

“We were extremely well designed for each other,” Love has said of her relationship with Cobain. In a letter reprinted in Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love, she calls him “my everything. the top half on my fraction.” The two had similar upbringings, both came from broken homes and spent childhoods shuttling between relatives and friends. They both grew up longing for love and acceptance. When we tell the story of Kurt and Courtney we talk about drugs and destruction, but we don’t talk enough about love.

The two also shared an intense drive and ambition. “I didn’t want to marry a rock star, I wanted to be one,” Love said in a 1992 Sassy interview. Evidence of her drive can be found in the many notes and to-do lists she kept, some of which are collected in Dirty Blonde. There are reminders to send her acting résumé to agencies, to write three to four new songs a week, to “achieve L.A. visibility.” A scene in the documentary Kurt & Courtney features an ex of Love’s reading from one of her to-do lists, which has “become friends with Michael Stipe” as the number one task to complete (not only did Love do this, but he is her daughter’s godfather). This ambition is not surprising from a woman who, when she was younger, mailed a tape of herself singing to Neil Sedaka in hopes of getting signed. Love knew what she wanted at an early age, and what she wanted was fame.

She was certainly living by the “do not hurt yourself, destroy yourself, mangle yourself to get the football captain. Be the football captain!” motto she championed in the 1995 documentary Not Bad for a Girl. Ambition is often a dirty word when it is used to describe women and Love is no exception. She has been repeatedly described as calculating and controlling when she should be rewarded for her blond ambition and viewed as an inspiration. Critics and the press often call her a gold digger who only married Cobain for fame and money. They fail to mention that when the two met Pretty on the Inside was actually selling more copies than Bleach, Nirvana’s debut album. Even post-Kurt, Love’s intentions were always under scrutiny. On the Today Show to do press for The People vs. Larry Flynt, Love refused to talk about her past drug use, despite the host’s repeated questions, saying the topic was not an appropriate fit for the show’s demographic. She was right, but it didn’t stop a writer from describing the move as “calculating” in a 1998 Spin piece.

Cobain was ambitious too; he was just much slyer and more secretive about it. He was known to call his manager and complain when MTV didn’t play Nirvana’s videos enough, and he would correct journalists who misquoted the band’s sales figures in interviews. While success is typically celebrated and rewarded for men and it certainly was for Cobain, he also had to be mindful of the slacker generation that loved Nirvana and greeted success — and especially mainstream success —

While female celebrities like Love are criticized for their rebellion, male celebrities, like Cobain for example, are celebrated and mythologized for it. Cobain and Love both struggled with addiction, but it is Love who is repeatedly vilified for her drug use. “She was vilified for being a mess, for being a drug addict, for not being a great parent — in other words, all of the things we expect in a male rock star,” said Bust magazine in a piece in the magazine’s 20th anniversary issue, which featured Love on the cover.

We make jokes about the drug antics of male celebrities from Keith Richards to Charlie Sheen, idolizing their debauchery and depravity. The new Netflix/Lifetime movie by Jack Daniels, The Dirt, about Mötley Crüe, takes the band’s excesses to almost comic levels. Check out crazy tourmate Ozzy Osbourne snorting a line of ants by a hotel pool! Such zany antics! I would love to see Lindsay Lohan try to get away with that. We never allow women to live down their arrests and their addictions, but we repeatedly allow men to have a redemption arc. Robert Downey Jr. was in and out of jail and on and off drugs for much of the mid to late ’90s, but we rarely, if ever, talk about his past.

When Love isn’t being attacked for her addiction issues, she is being judged for her parenting. Love’s first unflattering press was “Strange Love,” the much publicized 1992 Vanity Fair profile by Lynn Hirschberg. While the piece talks at length about Love’s drug use and constantly questions her parenting ability, it doesn’t paint Cobain in the same light. “It is appalling to think that she would be taking drugs when she knew she was pregnant,” says one close friend in the piece. Hirschberg relies on many unnamed sources and focuses often on the tabloid-like aspects of Love’s life and addictions. “Courtney has a long history with drugs. She loves Percodans (‘They make me vacuum’), and has dabbled with heroin off and on since she was eighteen, once even snorting it in Room 101 of the Chelsea Hotel, where Nancy Spungen died,” she writes. “Reportedly, Kurt didn’t do much more than drink until he met Courtney.” (Even when it is reported by Kurt and Krist that Kurt tried heroin in 1989, way before Courtney, It was also known that he smoked weed and used caugh syrup to get high in 1989 and 1990.)

This double standard was common in coverage of the couple. In Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, the 2015 documentary by Brett Morgen, Love asks her husband, “Why does everyone think you’re the good one and I’m the bad one?” Later in the film we see a scene of Frances Bean’s first haircut. The child sits on Cobain’s lap while Love searches for a comb and scissors. The camera shows Cobain nodding off, and while he maintains that he is just tired, it’s clear he’s not. The scene is painful to watch, especially because those around Cobain carry on like nothing in wrong, giving the feeling this is just like any other day in the Love-Cobain household. The scene is a reminder of how the press treated Cobain’s addiction when he was alive. They just carried on like nothing was wrong, instead directing all their judgement at Love.

[songandashadow]

august fic rec

so this list is a whole mess because I haven’t made one in so long and in the time since I last did, I discovered a whole bunch of new fics and authors that I can’t even begin to put in one rec. Instead here’s a small part of the massive amount of fics I read recently. Please give these authors kudos, comment and enjoy. :)

❀ This Could Be Something by 28sunflowers |  6k words

After a hookup gone wrong, Harry keeps getting sick at random times without reason. That is, until Louis shows up at his door with a wild explanation.

Sometimes, "happily ever after"s come in the strangest forms.

❀ (Take Me Home) Country Roads by Awriterwrites | 86k words

a Northern Exposure AU featuring Louis as the big city doctor, Harry as a natural healer, Niall as a secretive barkeep, Liam and Zayn head over heels for each other but they don't know it and a lot of hurt, comfort and moonshine in between.

❀ Love You a Latte by 1Diamondinthesun | 15k words

Louis Tomlinson doesn’t drink coffee and definitely doesn’t go to Starbucks. Enter barista Harry Styles. Add a double shot of espresso, stir in 90s references to taste, and top with whipped cream and love.

Or, the coffee shop AU featuring girl direction, creative espresso, and a professor and a barista falling in love in one beautiful autumn.

❀ Please Be Naked by Only_angel_28 | 17k words

Louis starts squirming, desperately needing something to do with his hands. Needing to do anything, really, to distract him from the perfect male specimen standing naked in front of him. In the end, the only thing he can do is strip out of his own jeans and briefs, which he does with trembling, clumsy fingers, his heart beating out a violent, chaotic rhythm in his chest the entire time.

He hears Harry’s sharp intake of breath, and slowly raises his eyes from where he was staring at his own bare feet to meet his gaze.

“So,” Harry says bashfully, his voice gone even deeper somehow. “We’re naked.”

“Yup,” Louis squeaks.

“You okay?”

No!

“Yup,” Louis repeats, sounding just as unstable as he did the first time.

This is the last favor Louis Tomlinson is ever doing for Zayn Malik. (Because, after today, he’ll be dead, but that’s neither here nor there.)

❀ The Sleeping Giant by LadyLondonderry | 3k words

In the centre of the pond, there is a sleeping giant.

He rises out of the water, eyes closed and face at peace, sitting as if in a trance. Moss grows up his back, tangles in his hair. He is at peace here, or perhaps he is peace. Perhaps he is what keeps the pond and the clearing so quiet and serene, blessing the forest with his presence.

❀ I Heard You Talking by lululawrence | 10k words

It had been an hour of their noise that Louis had been dealing with, and for some reason the fact that these grown men were being this rowdy in the quiet carriage over a game of Uno was the breaking point for him. He stood up and turned around, making his way down to where the group of five were somehow gathered around a table.

Louis stopped at the table and cleared his throat, mouth open and ready to politely request they keep it down when the man who was sitting with his back to Louis turned.

He was stunningly gorgeous.

Blinking a ridiculous number of times in an attempt to pull himself together, Louis coughed and spit out, “This is the quiet carriage.”

God, he was nearly forty and that was the best he could do in front of a set of pretty, green eyes?

Or the one where Harry is famous and Louis doesn't have a clue. Good thing his son is able to help him out.

❀ The Lonely Planet Guide to Second Chances by 1Diamondinthesun | 102k words

When Harry and Louis broke up, the last thing on Harry's mind was the non-refundable surprise trip he had booked for them across Europe. Harry was supposed to be moving on, not sightseeing with his ex. In hindsight, touring the continent with Louis was probably a bad idea. So naturally, that's exactly what Harry did.

Or, the breakup travel fic featuring romantic sunsets, awkward bed sharing, and second chances against a backdrop of some of Europe's most iconic cities.

❀ got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove | 124k words

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

❀ bright eyes, blue denim by 4ureyesonly28 | 2k words

Louis' favourite jeans have suddenly disappeared from where he always got them. Harry is a store manager with an affinity for customer care, particularly when the customer has bright blue eyes and happens to be very flirty.

❀ Take Your Time by Layne Faire (HisDarlin) | 11k words

When Harry finds himself in the middle of a messy break-up with no place to live, Louis offers a spare room in his flat. Unbeknownst to Harry, Louis has been infatuated for years. Over the objections of their friends, who know the truth, Harry accepts. Can Louis survive Harry moving into his home…and closer to his heart? Will Harry see what's right in front of him?

❀ I'm Tripping Over Your Every Single Move by lookingfortherainbow | 5k words

“I could pretend to drown,” Harry gasped, looking like he was in awe of his own genius. “Oh my god, what a story to tell our kids. He’d be my reason for almost dying, my reason for staying alive. By the way, have you been working out more lately?”

Liam stared in utter disbelief at his friend’s wild imagination, vaguely noting that Harry was now petting at his bicep in a daze, no longer holding it in a death grip. Sometimes, he wondered why Harry wasn’t at least minoring in theatre.

“Harry, babe. You’re here on a scholarship. For swimming. You’ve literally won multiple events in this very pool. Because you’re so good at swimming. You come here almost everyday to train, which I don’t think has escaped any of the lifeguards who work here. I don’t think that’s as good a plan as you think it is,” Liam said, eyebrows turned up with concern.

Or, Harry is the local swimming star athlete and Louis is the lifeguard that turns Harry into a fish out of water.

❀ the pinker, the bluer by docklands | 1k words

Harry comes out as a trans guy during the pandemic. Working from home and away from everyone, he finds liberty to explore his self-identity. One night, however, he decides to go out.

❀ Lovin' It Up by letsjustsee | 6k words

What did Niall know? This had nothing to do with the few times (okay, countless times) Louis had pined over the idea of Hot Neighbor while drinking. Nothing at all. So what if he had perfect lips and long legs and the cutest little curls around his ears? Certainly not Louis.

He continued to scribble away, most of his words indiscernible except for one written in large letters at the very top of the napkin: REVENGE

Or, a neighbors AU in which Louis vows to get revenge on the guy who didn't hold the elevator for him - no matter how ridiculously attractive he may be.

❀ My Strange Addiction by phdmama | I'm Hot for Teacher verse

The guy at the other end of the bar has been checking Harry out all night.

❀ take the time for you by pixies | 1k words

Dating hasn’t really been very easy for him, lately, not ever since he moved to London earlier in the year for his job. He’d had terrible luck with online dating and was too dedicated to his current projects at work to make time to go out to the bars or to try to socialize more than once every few weeks.

aka, Harry ends up at speed-dating to get his friend off his back and has a better night than expected.

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Three.

a/n: get ready for the yearning in this chapter! also please make sure to reblog to share and leave feedback — it really helps writers continue wanting to post and continue writing.

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 8.2k

come talk to me about wtsgd! i’d love to know your thoughts!

April 30, 2017

Luci woke up to loud knocking on her front door, too loud for eight in the morning when she wanted to sleep in. She thought she was dreaming, like someone was knocking directly onto her head, telling her to wake up. But the knocking increased, making her scream into her pillow, getting out of bed. Her pink soft house slippers that Ren made sure she brought so she wouldn’t get her new floors dirty with her outside shoes padded on the wooden floor and towards the entrance, opening the door. 

Once she opened her door, her parents and Nathan were behind it, smiling as they waved their hands into a jazz-like movement. 

“Lulu!” 

“My Lucky!” 

“Ana!” 

Her family charged through her doorway, bringing her into their arms for a family group hug. Luci was wide awake and smiling at the sight and presence of her family. They all eventually let her go to give her individual hugs to have their own moment because they just missed her that much. 

They made their way out of the front entrance and hallway, walking more into her apartment as Ren and Beatrice looked around in awe of how much natural light that was provided. She gave her parents a tour before they all settled into the living room where they had a cup of coffee in to-go cups and ate breakfast sandwiches. 

Luci then told them the events that happened yesterday, minus her unexpected hangout with Harry, and they were furious. All at once, their hearts broke but were quick to ignite with anger. 

“How could she do that?!” Ren had an angry expression on his face, and it was one that she and Nathan had always been afraid of ever since they were younger; it was rare to see their father angry since he was much softer as it would take a lot for him to get him to that state. 

She shrugged her shoulders. “People favor power over fairness these days, or else they’d lose their biggest stars.” Nathan scoffed from the sofa chair next to the couch, but didn’t say anything more. 

It was the harsh truth of showbiz that almost everyone knew—it was a fact; Broadway and Hollywood don’t play fair, it’s obvious they want the best of the best, and if that’s passing up a new talent that could take them to the moon over the seniority of actors who’ve been in the industry for much longer, they’ll take that opportunity. And Luci knew that when she signed up for this. 

Beatrice told Luci that she was sorry this was happening, and they all agreed that whenever her time to perform on stage comes, they’d be there. Luci smiled at her lap, appreciating their support. The Suki family talked for another hour and a half, catching up on the month that passed when they weren’t all together, before they took the subway to the hotel they were staying at to catch their flight out of New York. Luci said her goodbyes to them in front of the hotel, apologizing that they had to come out here for nothing, but they brushed it off, saying that they would do it again just to see her. 

She watched them get into an Uber, waving at her family as they took off down the streets of Manhattan. She took the subway back to Brooklyn as she wrote down a list of what she wanted to do today; find more decorations, clean, eat pizza, and crack a bottle of wine because she damn well needed it. 

It was almost eleven a.m. when she got back to her apartment and decided to get ready for the day. Her throat felt incredibly dry, so she hydrated herself, gulping the liquid down her throat until she heard a knock on her door. Luci furrowed her brows, wondering if it was Nathan or Beatrice behind that door, asking if they’d left their wallet or phone since they were the more forgetful ones in the family, but when she looked around her living room, she didn’t find anything.

A knock on the door was heard and Luci sighed, walking over to open it as she didn’t expect the person behind it. 

“Samuel?” 

“Hey, babe.” A smug smile was present on his face, but a scowl was present on hers, rolling her eyes at the pet name.

“What are you doing here—no, how do you even know where I live?” Luci placed her hand on her hip, a wrinkle in between her eyebrows. 

“Not gonna let me in?” He gave her an amusing smile, and she rolled her eyes, huffing before moving to the side and letting him in. He walked into the main part of the apartment, looking around. 

Luci crossed her arms, trailing behind him. “So, are you gonna answer my question?” 

“I got your address when you texted me to come over that one night, remember?” 

She mentally cursed herself. Her relationship with Samuel had done a complete one-eighty. After the afterparty on opening night, things were very weird between them after she denied his request to have sex with him in the bathroom of the longue. He had avoided her unless it was work related, but even then, he kept the conversation and words to a minimum, adding attitude and rudeness. If she thought things were weird then, it got even weirder the night leading up to when Daisy took her spotlight on stage last night. 

During rehearsals, he’d flirt with Daisy sometimes even kiss her up. Daisy would give Luci a snarky look every time his face was in her neck, biting her skin, and that was when Luci found out the real reason why Daisy despised her. All because of Samuel. All because of a man. The bitter looks didn’t bother Luci and it wasn’t like she was jealous, but it simply confused her because one day he wanted to fuck her and was sweet to her but when she said no, he was rude and would fuck someone else—there was no real type of closure. He probably took her into the bathroom after she left, Luci thought. 

So, she didn’t really care for him anymore because after all, he was just a someone to fuck; all she cared about was why he decided to show up at her apartment unannounced and uninvited. 

“That was a very weak moment for me.” Luci rebutted mockingly; Samuel scoffed and smirked cockily. He leaned against her countertops, and she hated that she still found him attractive because anyone with eyes knew very clearly that he was a very sexy guy, and the worst part was that he knew it too—he knew it very well. “So, tell me what the fuck you’re doing here?” 

“I’m here to tell you that you’re probably not going to perform anytime soon…” he said in a mocking tone, a fake pout on his face as he gave her puppy-dog eyes. 

She scoffed, shaking her head lightly. “Aww, did Daisy tell you to come all the way here and tell me that?” 

“And if she did?” 

“It’s cute that you’re a messenger now. It suits you since you have all this time to waste, like you did mine.” She breathed out a laugh, making him roll his eyes, and it only brought satisfaction to hurt his huge ego. “Well, how about you tell your little Daisy to stop sending people to tell me things because if she had the balls, then she would tell me herself. Plus, you’re wasting your time here to tell me one little thing that doesn’t affect me.” Luci dramatically gasped. “I’m really living in both of your minds rent-free, aren't I?” 

Samuel inhaled heavily, biting back his words as if Luci had offended him, but it would only make sense that he felt that way because of his feelings for Daisy. He headed towards the door with Luci hot on his tail as a way to push him out faster than he came in. 

“Well, I’ll see you Luci—not on stage, but yeah, I’ll see you.” She wasn’t going to lie, but those few words took a dig at her heart; luckily, she’s an actor, so she was able to mask her pain and anger, giving him a scornful smile as she opened the door. Samuel chuckled, not amusingly but in a way that made him think that she was an outright bitch. 

Harry’s door suddenly opened, making him stop in his tracks as he witnessed the interaction happening because it definitely looked like this guy was just leaving her place. Luci’s head turned towards him as her eyes widened slightly; Harry had a weird look on his face, looking back and forth between her and Samuel. 

“Hey, Harry.” Luci broke his train of thought and Harry looked directly at her, smiling slightly. 

“Hi, Luci.” She suddenly felt a wave of nerves wash through her, butterflies erupting in her stomach once he said her name, thinking that he was by far the best person to say it. 

She felt antsy, fiddling with fingers as she started bouncing on the balls of her feet—a habit that she did when she started to feel nervous. Samuel could see straight through her, catching all the signs when she was a bit anxious and he had a feeling that it had something to do with her neighbor. 

Samuel brisked past her, giving her a kiss on the cheek to mess with both of them; Luci’s eyes widened, pulling her face back but it was too late as his lips had already connected with her skin. 

“See you, Luci.” Instead of the cocky smirk he had when he arrived, he had a loving and kind smile as he left because he wasn’t the only actor in the room. 

Once Samuel rounded the corner, Luci looked at Harry and there was a crease in between his brows. 

“I-I, uh, that’s not-”

“No worries. You don’t need to explain to me, honestly.” Harry walked out into the hallway, locking his door before giving her a toothless grin and walking down the hall. 

Luci’s mouth was slightly ajar as she watched him. She closed her door and placed her forehead against it quite harshly, letting out a frustrated groan.

After much sulking, she decided to get on with her day, hoping she can be as productive as she hoped to be. But the thought of if Harry liked her—even as a person or ‘friend,’ if she could call herself that—lingered around in her head; and she doesn’t know why what he thought of her had so much of an affect on her, but it did. Maybe it was because she had a sort of infatuation with her neighbor, or that she couldn’t stop thinking about him and what he was doing across the hall. Whatever it was, she only hoped that he liked her too. 

May 13, 2017 

Quite early, Luci received a phone call from Tal. 

Her phone was buzzing rapidly on her brown wooden nightstand; and in her sleep, she was trying to determine if she had set an alarm the previous night. When she thought she did, she let her phone snooze for ten minutes. But it was certainly not an alarm because just a few seconds after the buzzing stopped, it had started again. 

Grumpy as usual in the morning, she groaned, propping her elbows on her mattress as she pried her eyes open and picked up her phone. When she saw Tal as the caller ID, her brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Hello?” 

“Luci? Luci? Hi, can you hear me?” The gauging sound of the city was heard on the other end of the call, and she could just imagine Tal placing one hand to her ear as she walked through the bustling streets. 

“Yeah, I can. Hi.” Luci’s voice increased, becoming more audible for Tal. 

“Great! So, I’m glad you answered. I know things have been a bit weird lately ever since, y’know…” she said, referring to when Daisy had stolen her spotlight. “But I want to let you know that you’re performing tonight. I’m saying this in a calm manner because I know you know the shit in the show, so I’m not worried about it. But I need you to play Kim tonight.” 

Luci’s breath hitched in her throat as her eyes widened. She was completely speechless and she felt like she was dreaming. But first thing’s first, she needed to know why Tal’s statement at the end was demanding and slightly panicked. 

“What happened to Daisy?” She wondered, sitting up fully on the gray wrinkled sheets from her slumber. 

Tal sighed deeply, perceptible through the chaos of the outside. “Last night, she partied a bit too hard. She’s just getting back to her place, according to Samuel, and she was high off her ass. I don’t need that today, or ever. So, I figured this would be the perfect time for you to step in.” 

“And why me? Why not Wendy?” Luci referred to the understudy for Kim. 

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t stick up for you when I should’ve. Daisy has always been…intimidating to me, which is crazy because I run the show, but I should’ve been more stern with her. So, with Daisy out of the picture for today, I want you to perform tonight.” 

Tal genuinely felt guilty that she wasn’t being the stage director that she should’ve been. She let Daisy control some of the show when it should’ve been her to direct everyone. Tal loved her job, she did, but every time she had Daisy as one of the lead characters, she almost dreaded work. She didn’t want to be one of those people who dreaded work because although theatre is stressful at times, it’s also fun and her passion. 

“Okay…” Luci couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’ll perform tonight.” 

Tal let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. Okay, perfect. Thank you so much, Luci. I’ll see you at five.” \

“I’ll be there. Bye, Tal.” 

Luci hung up the phone and sat on her bed for what felt like forever, simply gazing into the sheets as she couldn’t believe what had happened. Luci was going to perform tonight; her dream was finally coming true. 

When the realization hit her, the corners of her lips turned up into a bright and excited smile. She laughed and screamed and squealed into her pillow, doing a little mini dance on her bed. Looking at the time, it was nearing eight so she had plenty of time to start her pre-show morning routine. But the first thing that she needed to do was to text her family. 

I’M PERFORMING TONIGHT! 

Instantly, she got responses from them. 

Nathan: REALLY?! I get off work at four, I could take a last minute flight. 

Luci hearted her brother’s message. 

Pa: Luci, I’m so happy for you! Your mother is still asleep but I’ll wake her up and tell her the news. We’ll see what we could do to make it to the show. 

She thanked them, texting that she hoped to see them tonight, but would understand if they couldn’t make it since it was last minute. 

Hopping out of bed, she washed up and changed into her workout clothes to go on a walk and grab a smoothie. It was such a beautiful day out that there were more people out on the streets in the morning than usual as they were basking in the bright sun and lovely weather. 

Once she got back home, she made her favorite breakfast—a bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel with cream cheese; and rehearsed some of the more emotional and dramatic lines, taking notes on which parts needed more depth of emotion. 

The day had gone by relatively fast as she showered, tidied, and packed her belongings; and it was already 3:45, so she headed out the door. 

As Luci was locking up and about to walk down the hall, she looked at Harry’s door. She hadn’t talked to him in about two weeks, since the time he opened his door to Samuel kissing her cheek. She had sort of missed him, and she felt like the event with Samuel had put up a wall; she felt like he was avoiding her.

Thinking back to their conversation at the diner, she remembered that he told her he would be there when it was her time to perform, and she didn’t want to not inform him on that because she had a feeling that he would be disappointed hadn’t he known. 

Bravely, she stood in front of his door and knocked, hoping that he was home because she didn’t have his number to tell him. Luci waited one minute before she knocked again and waited another minute before sighing. Just as she was two feet down the hall, his door suddenly opened, making her turn around quickly. Harry looked out into the hall without taking a step out of his apartment and saw Luci with a tote bag on her shoulder, wearing leggings, a vintage tee with Stevie Nicks printed on it, and a beige cardigan. 

“Luci?” 

She turned around. “Harry, hi. Uh, how are you?” Her attitude had visibly changed and brightened as she was ecstatic to see that he answered the door. His hair was wet, separating the strands of hair into slightly thicker chunks as water droplets lingered at the tips; which explained why he didn’t answer the door right away. 

“Good, good. How are you?” 

“Good—great, actually. I-I’m actually performing tonight and I wanted to tell you that in case you wanted to watch the show.” She suppressed a wide smile, linking his hands together to refrain herself from jumping up and down in excitement. 

Harry raised his brows before the corners of his lips turned upward. “Really?” She nodded. “Luci, that’s amazing!” He exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I’m really excited. I was just called this morning that I was performing tonight, so I’m heading to the theatre right now.” 

“I’m so happy for you. But I, uh, have plans already tonight. I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. Luci couldn’t deny the ache in her chest when he said that, but she completely understood as it was a last minute decision for her to perform. 

“Oh, no worries. Maybe another time whenever I get to perform again. I’ll let you know?” 

“Yeah, please do.” He nodded. There was a bit of silence after as there was nothing left to say. “Well, uh, good luck out there.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “Maybe we could get some coffee or a smoothie. There’s this really good smoothie place down the street-”

“Brooklyn’s Smoothies?” He asked; Luci nodded. “That’s my go-to smoothie place. But yeah, I’m down for that. Just let me know when.” 

Now, she had another thing she could be excited about: her second hangout with Harry. 

“Great!” She headed towards the hall before she walked back towards him, pulling her phone out. “Here, put your number in—only if you want to.” He chuckled, grabbing her phone as he quickly put his number and name into his phone before handing it back to her. “I’ll text you. Bye, Harry!” She waved as she walked towards the end of the hall; Harry waved back before walking back into his apartment and closing the door. 

Once she was on the subway, she found Harry’s contact, which he named himself ‘Harry (neighbor)’ as if he thought she was going to forget who he was. But it was quite the opposite as he seemed to invade most of her mind as she mindlessly thought about him. She almost always curses herself for being so nervous around him, but that was because he somewhat intimidated her; and that said a lot because she’s very confident in her own skin and rarely finds anyone intimidating. But there was just something about him that made her nervous, and that thought slightly scared her. 

Hi, Harry! It’s Luci, here’s my number. 

She placed her phone face down on her thigh that was relentlessly bouncing before she hit send. Before sending it, she looked over the text, practically overthinking a simple greeting that didn’t need any more thinking. A few minutes later as she was transferring trains and sitting on the blue bench, her phone vibrated. She picked up her phone as the screen lit up; Harry’s message appeared on the screen. 

Hiiii, thank you. Good luck tonight x 

Luci smiled crazily at her phone, putting her chin to her chest as she hid her smile from the many people on the subway with her. She thanked him, and decided to start another conversation after the show so she could tell him how the show went, which was an excuse to text him again. She locked her phone and turned the volume up higher as G Luné played through her Airpods. 

Her cheeks had started to hurt due to the fact that she couldn’t stop smiling, like it was genuinely difficult for her stop. A surge of happiness and relief had washed over her that she felt the happiness line on her chart increase. With a little over two months of living in New York, she had felt like her career was going nowhere when that was the entire reason why she moved there; the whole situation with Daisy had made her life plateaued as her happiness line wasn’t moving upwards. But tonight, it was skyrocketing.

T-minus five minutes until showtime, and Luci was bouncing on the balls of her feet. She started humming and whistling to get her mind off the perturbation that ran along the linings and spaces of her body; it didn’t help that everyone was literally running around, passing by one another through the dark corridor. 

Obviously, everyone knew that it was Luci’s first night performing, so they tried keeping everything light and easy for her, which she appreciated. Once she walked through the doors of backstage, she was immediately greeted with warm and excited smiles—the complete opposite as the last time she walked through the door. Nina squealed and hugged her as they both jumped around in elation; Luci truly missed the first friend she’d ever made on Broadway, and they promised each other that they’d hangout more often outside the theatre. 

After Luci had her hair and makeup done, changed into her costume, and was mic'd up, she was standing on the side of the stage where she could hear the crowd settling into their seats as they talked amongst themselves. Peter, who was playing Chris tonight, stood beside her, rolling his neck in circles and moving his jaw around. She was glad to know that Samuel wasn’t performing tonight because god only knows what he would say to her, only to get inside of her head right before the show. 

She heard the technical and stage crew speak into their headsets, asking if everyone was ready as they counted down from ten. The lights went out, the curtains were pulled to the side, and Luci’s mind went blank as ‘Kim’ took over, completely owning this character because it was fucking showtime. 

After two hours of pouring emotion to give her best act while the spotlight was on her, shining brighter than ever before so she couldn’t see the audience below her, watching intently, her first performance was successfully over. 

She’d earned a majority of standing ovations and was called for another curtain call, where she ran back on stage to overwhelmingly smile brightly, waved, bowed, and blew kisses to the crowd who were whistling and cheering for her wonderful performance. This amazing and exhilarating feeling was something she anticipated, and it did not disappoint; it was a feeling that she wanted to feel every other night. She loved the praise, the cheers, and the claps that were thrown at her so fast that she could cry at how hard the impact was. 

When she left the stage and headed over to the dressing room, her cast members cheered for her as Luci clapped all around the room for everyone’s hard work tonight as well. They all took pictures with one another to share this memorable moment; Luci told everyone to send her the pictures because she wanted to get them framed for her apartment because this moment was definitely frame-worthy. 

When it was time to leave, they all took off their costume and hung it on its rightful rack, and changed into their own clothes before walking out into the lobby where the audience could meet and greet some of the cast. Cheers erupted in the lobby once the cast walked through the doors, and they all smiled, mouthing ‘thank you’ and bowing their heads in appreciation. 

Luci walked through the crowd as they stopped her to tell her that she did an amazing performance; she was grateful and said thank you to everyone she came across. She weaved through the crowd, trying to find Nathan or anyone she could share this moment with; and she was lucky that Nathan was tall because she spotted him instantly. 

When she finally reached him, she was somewhat surprised to see their parents with him because they didn’t mention they were coming tonight, just that they had to see what they could do in order to make it. 

Beatrice was the first one to hug her. “Oh, my Lucky Star. I’m so proud of you!” She hugged Luci tight, swaying to the side. Once her mother let go, she hugged her dad who had the proudest and biggest smile on his face. 

“Lulu, you did amazing up there.” She smiled into Ren’s shoulder, feeling herself tear up from the positive reaction of her performance. 

Nathan was patiently waiting for his hug; and Luci pulled away from her father, giving him a smile before hugging her brother. 

“Ana, you’re so talented.” He squeezed her, patting her back as she always found the action comforting since she was a little girl. Beatrice was taking photos of her kids, tears glossing her eyes at her greatest accomplishments. 

“Thank you for coming. I know you’re tired from work, but thank you for being here anyways.” She could tell that Nathan had just put a long coat over his navy blue scrubs, meaning that he had flown to New York straight from work. 

“No worries. We wouldn’t miss this for anything, honestly.” 

Luci pulled away, smiling as she faced her family. She thanked her parents for coming, still surprised, and they said the same thing Nathan did: that they wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

They took pictures amongst each other, taking a family selfie before Ren had just asked someone nearby to take a proper photo of them. 

“Excuse me? Do you mind taking a picture of us?” The man turned around, making Luci softly gasp. Tonight was just full of surprises because Harry was the one who turned around and nodded, grabbing her mother’s phone to take a picture of her family. 

Harry looked dashingly handsome; he wore black trousers, a baby pink shirt with a black coat over. He held a bouquet of flowers in his arms as he took the picture; and for the life of Luci, she couldn’t dare to stop smiling at him instead of the camera. 

Ren was the first to walk over to him and thanked him, but Harry didn’t walk away, he simply stayed put until Luci walked over towards him. Her parents and brother were looking at each other warily, wondering how Luci knew the man who took their picture. 

“You’re here.” She smiled so brightly as if the spotlight was glued onto her. 

Harry blushed, looking down at his feet before looking back up. “Yeah, I told you I would be here when you were going to perform, right?” Something that she hadn’t witnessed yet until now, that took her by surprise, was the dimple that indented his left cheek, more so than his right cheek. He looked absolutely adorable when he smiled, on top of being handsome; Harry was simply a beautiful man. 

“You did tell me that, I remember.” She couldn’t stop the giddy grin that felt like it was permanently placed on her face because she couldn’t believe that he was here. 

“Oh, these are for you. You did an amazing job—the crowd loved you.” He handed her the mixed bouquet of pink peonies, baby pink roses, white lillies, and baby’s breath wrapped in brown paper. Luci smiled down at the bouquet, admiring how pretty the colors and how well the different flowers looked together. She wondered if Harry picked these out himself; if he individually picked every single flower that was in the bouquet. 

Feeling her face heat up, she unexpectedly leaned in for a hug; and this time, he was ready as he opened his arms and hugged her. He squeezed her tighter than he did when she was crying in his arms, making her heart flutter in her chest. Luci had completely forgotten that her family was behind her until she pulled away. Her eyes slightly widened, knowing that they were most likely enjoying the show that was happening off-stage of her hugging a man they didn’t know. 

“Thank you so much for coming, Harry. It means a lot to me.” He simply nodded. Luci slightly turned her body, presenting herself to her family. “Uh, Harry, this is my family. And this is Harry; he’s my neighbor.” 

Beatrice brows raised, and Luci gave her a knowing look that told her not to say anything weird. 

“Hi, I’m Beatrice, Luci’s mom.” She shook his hand. 

“Hello, I’m Harry. Nice to meet you.” Beatrice turned towards Luci with wide eyes once she heard his accented voice, and she chuckled at her mother’s reaction. 

Ren and Nathan introduced themselves, and they all made conversation quite easily. It was a side that Luci’s never seen of Harry—quite talkative. She wondered if she was the problem as to why he wasn’t so talkative. But she figured that almost everyone wanted to impress and get along with their friend’s parents. 

Once they were finished talking amongst themselves, Beatrice whispered into Ren’s ear and then Nathan’s; and Luci wondered what they could be so secretive about that they couldn’t say it out loud. 

Suddenly, Nathan said, “Well, we’ll see you soon, Ana.” He gave her a quick hug as Luci furrowed her brows, confused. 

“Oh, I thought we could get dinner or something.” It was like her parents didn’t even consider her suggestion as they were hugging her goodbye. 

“I have to get back to Boston, work tomorrow, y’know?” Nathan excuses; Luci nodded, understanding before turning her head towards her parents, seeing which excuse they’ll use since tomorrow was Sunday. 

“Uh, we have a flight to catch—red-eye.” Beatrice spoke up, a little white lie slipping so easily on her tongue. Luci looked at Ren, finding him nodding, warily looking at his wife. 

She could tell, inside and out, that her parents weren’t being truthful because she knew that they’d want to spend every minute with her while they were in the city so they wouldn’t get a red-eye flight on her opening night. Plus, Beatrice had been eyeing her and Harry ever since he introduced himself, so she knew that her family acting weird and how they suddenly had to leave was most likely them wanting Luci to hangout with Harry. 

“Plus, don’t you have an afterparty to go to?” Ren asked. 

“I mean, yeah, but I could always skip it-”

“Now, why would you do that? It’s your opening night; people are gonna be wondering where you are!” Ren did make a point, making Luci mentally agreeing. 

Luci didn’t bother asking any more questions, and decided to let them leave, although she was a bit sad that they had to leave again. They said another round of goodbyes and hugged each other tightly; they planned to come to New York again so they could properly hang out, and Luci said that she’ll see what she could do with going back home to visit. Of course, they didn’t forget to say goodbye to Harry; Ren and Nathan shaking his hand as Beatrice gave him a hug. Luci watched them interact as if he was an old boyfriend or a new boyfriend that they happened to like and adore so much. 

She waved to them as they headed outside the Broadway Theatre doors, and then she was left with Harry. He shyly smiled at her, and Luci hugged the bouquet of flowers tightly to her chest. 

“Uh, would you like to go to the afterparty with me?” She asked. 

Luci watched as Harry considered the invitation in his head. There were two options that he was debating from: go home and have a boring night in, or go to an afterparty with his insanely beautiful neighbor that he was slowly but surely taking a liking to. He realized that wasn’t such a difficult decision after all, so he chose the latter. 

“I’d love to.” 

The entire cast settled into the same lounge that held their very first afterparty. The lounge apparently didn’t mind since everyone contributed to buying lots of alcohol, so they obviously wouldn’t pass up the opportunity of business. 

Luci introduced Harry to the cast who decided to show up, and she was happy that they were very friendly and welcoming to him because the last thing she wanted was awkward tension between her neighbor and coworkers. She wished Nina had gone to the after party because Luci knew that she would get excited about the neighbor she’s crushing on. 

Luci and Harry decided to pace themselves with the drinks as they didn’t take the shots that were given to them at the same time as the rest; instead, they nursed and sipped their drinks. They were towards the end of the circle, in their own world as they talked to one another. Luci was happy they were getting to know each other better, but she figured that was the help and magic of what alcohol did. They told each other childhood stories that made each other laugh, increasing the buzz going on inside their heads. 

Harry had an additional glow to him when he was tipsy, and Luci thought it was the cutest thing ever. He was very touchy—placing a hand on her arm, shoulder, or knee at any given moment—and his laugh was contagious as it was loud and he threw his head back. It was a side that pleasantly took her by surprise, and she hoped that as they continued talking and hanging out, this side of him comes out more when they’re sober and comfortable with one another. 

“Can I ask why your brother calls you Ana?” He wondered, asking at the same time Luci was taking a sip of her drink. 

She nodded. “Yeah. So, Nathan is five years older than I am, and my mom and dad said when he was five, he still had a hard time speaking, like he’d babble and seem to talk gibberish. Anyways, when I was born, my parents were trying to get him to say my name, but couldn’t pick up on the first part of it; he started out with ‘An,’ but eventually picked up ‘Ana.’ And since then, it just seemed to stick—he’s the only one who calls me that and would personally get offended if someone else called me that.” She ended with a chuckle and a sip of her shot. 

“What’s your full name?” 

“Luciana Ivy Suki.” She said slow and a bit sultry, which she hadn’t meant to. The dark light and booze didn’t help that she felt a bit sexy. 

Harry smirked slightly. “Luciana.” He stated as if he was testing how it sounded and felt on the tongue. Luci felt a chill run down her body, making her skin prickle from the goosebumps. 

If she was starting to melt from the sound of her nickname from his lips, the sound of her full name had completely liquified her. 

After an hour, the two moved to the bar, completely forgetting that they were with the cast. Luci suggested getting more drinks for them, and Harry told her that he’d come with. He said something along the lines of “don’t want to miss a moment hanging out with you,” and Luci swore that her heart was becoming a butterfly’s nest as it sank down to her stomach and made her smile. 

“It’s genuinely insane how talented you are, like I was nearly crying by the end of the show!” He complimented, sipping on a Pomegranate Paloma through a thin black straw. Harry was genuinely so amazed as he watched Luci act, alas he was near the rear mezzanine, which was towards the back, he was still blown away by the entire production, especially Luci’s talents. 

“That’s so sweet. Thank you, Harry.” She smiled down at her Royal Manhattan, swirling the drink around in its glass. She was used to taking compliments about her acting and talent, but when Harry complimented her, it made her insides jittery and her face heat up; she felt so honored that Harry was praising her for her talents. 

“Now, can I ask…I thought you had plans tonight. What happened to that?” She wondered. 

Harry blushed, nervously chuckling. “Uh, I canceled them.” 

Her eyes widened. “W-Was it anything serious?” 

“It was a date that my friend, Jeff, set me up with but I wasn’t all that interested in the first place. 

She pouted. “Harry, I feel bad.” 

“Don’t be. I wanted to be here.” She smiled at that, looking at the contents inside of her glass. 

“I’m really glad you’re here.” She reciprocated the thought, clinking her glass with his as they both sipped their drinks. 

After another hour, the cast was lessening one by one, calling it a night as they said their goodbyes to Luci and Harry. She hadn’t realized how quickly time had gone by until the bartender of the lounge had told them that they were closing in a few minutes. Luci looked at her phone as the time read 12:55 a.m., which her and Harry laughed about because they were both in shock about the night being so late already. So, they left the lounge, not before generously tipping the bartender $40 each and gathered their belongings; Luci made sure to not forget the beautiful flowers Harry gave her. 

Neither of them felt like they were sober enough to get on the subway themselves, knowing they would probably get on the wrong one or fall asleep and end up somewhere else. So, they decided on an Uber, seeming as that was the most responsible and safest option there was. 

Luci got inside the black Honda, saying ‘hi’ to their driver. The entire ride back to Brooklyn was quiet, only the soft breaths they both exhaled and the pounding of their hearts. Harry felt himself getting sleepier, and unexpectedly resting his head against Luci’s shoulder. She tensed up at first, not expecting the action, but she welcomed it, placing her head on top of his. They both watched the city through the car window as it disappeared from their sight once they were in Brooklyn. 

Once they were in front of their apartment complex, Harry offered her his arm and she looped her arm through his, leaning into his side as he guided her to the elevator. He leaned against the corner of the elevator with Luci pressed up against his side with her arms still around his, and he looked down to see her eyes closed. He softly smiled, moving the strand of hair that had fallen in the middle of her face to the side. 

The loud Ding! of the elevator seemed to wake Luci up as she startled awake, making Harry chuckle. They walked down the hall and towards their door; Harry occasionally had to tell Luci to keep quiet as she was singing ‘Wannabe’ by the Spice Girls, but Harry couldn’t help but join in. 

When they got to their doors, as usual, they unlocked and opened it; but they didn’t immediately go inside their apartments. Instead, they turned around to face each other; both of their eyes droopy from the slight buzz that was still in their system. 

Luci smiled before leaning in to hug him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as his arms went around her waist. The hug was sweet and warm as it definitely fed to the touchy-feely side of their buzz. 

When they pulled away, Luci leaned up to boldly plant a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for being here, Harry. Shall we hang out next week?” Harry nodded, not trusting his voice to say anything as his heart erupted into flames. She gave him a smile as he was frozen from the chaste kiss; and Luci walked into her apartment, waving at him before she closed the door. 

Harry was out in the hallway, stunned as he blushed from the small kiss she had left on his cheek; and it was something he was going to be dreaming of until he wakes up, only to think about it over and over again. 

Harry was cooking breakfast when he heard relentless knocking on his front door. He peeked his head out from the kitchen to look at the door, like that would tell him who was behind it, as he was whisking some eggs in a white glass bowl. Setting the bowl down, he walked over to the door and opened it. 

To his surprise, Luci was behind it as tears streamed down her face with her phone in her hand; she was in her soft blue pajama pants with a black hoodie over, and despite her recent state, Harry thought she looked absolutely adorable and cuddly. But he pushed that thought to the side; immediately, Harry was concerned. His eyes widened and his protective side turned on, thinking he was going to lose his shit on whoever caused this poor girl to cry. 

“I-I’m sorry. I just…” she hiccupped, and Harry took her into his arms. He was slightly confused about what had happened during the six hours he’d last seen her—when they were coming home from the lounge. He still couldn’t get that kiss out of his head; in fact, it was difficult for him to sleep because he kept reiterating it in his head.

He pulled her into his apartment, closing the door as he sat her down on his brown leather couch. She cried into his shoulder as she passed him her phone that was unlocked on an article. He grabbed it, not letting go of her while he rubbed her arm. 

The article read on the bright screen read: 

Miss Saigon or Miss No-BE GONE! 

Just twelve hours ago, I went to see the show ‘Miss Saigon; for the second time. The first time I went to see it was last month when Broadway star royalty, Ms. Daisy Beck, was playing the role of ‘Kim.’ With its amazing cast, production set, and story-telling, I knew I needed to see the play again. 

My hopes and dreams were crushed when I didn’t see Ms. Beck on stage, but instead, a newbie Broadway actress known as Luciana Suki. Before writing this review, I did some research on her to my very best ability because she’s practically a nobody in this business, and found out that she had been in several commercials since she was a child (great another child actor) and has been on Off-Broadway, which definitely explains the acting! At least give a man a warning before I decide to put up with a shit-show of a performance. I couldn’t even stay for the entire show because it was completely horrifying to see injustice served to Kim and a downgrade from Daisy Beck. 

I tried, I really tried; but I left during intermission. Luciana Suki is not meant to be playing the part of Kim—almost everyone agrees. There was no connection, no emotion to the character, and it was a poorly done job in Luciana’s part and the casting. 

It’s Daisy Beck or no production. Simple as that, or else, the show will lose its audience and precious money that they wasted on paying Luciana Suki. 

Harry sighed, balling his hands up into fists as he locked her phone and set it aside. How could anybody be so cruel? He understood the importance of critics to the theatre, but to outright insult and humiliate someone wasn’t even critical—it’s being straight up rude. 

Once Luci was ready and had somewhat calmed down, she pulled away from Harry’s embrace, looking at him. Poor Luci’s eyes were swollen and her eyes were red from the crying, and she was a sniffling mess. Harry quickly grabbed her a few tissues to dry her tears, and she blew her nose into the soft cotton paper, not really caring how unattractive she thought it was. 

“That article was written by Adam West—the most important critic in Broadway.” She wiped the snot under her nose. “H-He practically just ruined my career and any chances I have on Broadway ever again.” Luci sobbed as it was difficult for her to accept the fact that she may never act ever again because of a senior journalist. Her chest hurt and her eyes started to become sore from the amount of times she squeezed them shut, freeing her tears. 

“No, come here.” Harry’s heart ached for her, and he couldn’t imagine what she must be going through when that article was directly made towards her. He pulled her in for another hug, and she softly cried against his chest, staining his white t-shirt with her tears, but he couldn’t care less. “You’re insanely talented—critics or no critics—no one could deny your talent. What he said was unprofessional and poorly written, and that’s coming from an English major and a teacher. Now, I’m sure that you know you’re extremely gifted and you’ve worked hard to get to where you are. So, don’t let him get to you because almost everyone loved your performance last night.” 

Harry reassured her quite well that Luci had calmed down; it helped that the vibrations from his chest to her ear as he talked had soothed her—it was quite relaxing. She pulled away again, looking at him through glassy eyes as another tear threatened to fall. He placed his palms against her cheeks, taking his thumbs and running it across her skin to wipe her tears away. 

“Would you like some French Toast? Heard it’s a comfort-food, but I may be wrong. Maybe I’m being biased because I think my recipe is good.” He tried lightening up her mood, and it’d definitely worked because she breathed out a chuckle and nodded. 

“I’m not intruding, right?” He shook his head. “No significant other to get mad at me and throw me out?” She slyly asked as she had been wondering if he had someone. Plus, she was still wondering about the red-hair woman who frantically left his apartment. 

“Nope.” 

“The…red-haired girl. You’re not with her?” 

Harry smirked as he definitely indulged into the slightly jealous feeling that Luci was portraying. “No, we’re not dating. She’s just a friend.” He chuckled. “What about you? Someone I should be worried about?” He stirred the topic towards her as curiosity also got the best of him. 

“Nope.” She answered the same way he did. “Do you make out with all of your friends? Noticed her lipstick was a bit smeared off.” Luci knew later on that she would regret opening her mouth and spewing out those particular choice of words. Her tone also seemed a bit jealous, and she had no right to be, but her crush on Harry was quickly increasing. 

“I mean, some of them; when the time comes.” He somewhat joked. 

“Would you make out with me?” Luci spat out, but quickly slapped her palm against her mouth, eyes widening. Her mind was speaking for herself as she’d been dreaming of the way Harry’s pink lips felt against her mouth and other places she wouldn’t dare speak aloud. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why-”

“Yeah, I would,” he responded honestly. This was the most honest and straight-forward he’d ever been, which only occurs every few months, so it was time to close that window again and wait for it to open. But he also couldn’t deny his attraction to her, like it was difficult to not be so enticed with her. He felt at complete ease with her, and it felt incredibly easy to talk to Luci and be open. “So, the French Toast?” He changed the subject, walking over to the kitchen, leaving Luci glued to her seat on the couch. 

Astonished by his words, she was extra shocked that he was so quick to move on from his response. But she was glad to know that he would want to kiss her, maybe, some time in the future; but the thought made her giddy because she undeniably wanted to kiss him too.

come talk to me about your favorite moments and scenes, and your thoughts and feelings! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be posted next saturday!