#mcsweeneys

[lamajaoscura]

"Q: What is the average age for perimenopause? The average age for perimenopause is whatever age you happen to be when you google any of the following:

What age perimenopause?

Skipped period start of menopause?

Why do I have free floating rage?

Additionally, you may have started perimenopause if you call your mother or any older woman in your life to ask her what a hot flash feels like."

[jomiddlemarch]

Of particular relevance to Tumblr:

"Pedro Pascal is America's daddy."

[brightlotusmoon]

The Louvre Is Thrilled to Announce It Is Rebranding to “UVR” - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

If there’s one thing we’ve concluded from the millions of visitors who pass through our doors every year, it’s that art is passé. Art is stale in an age of content—unlimited content you can hardwire to your cerebellum with maximum connectivity, allowing you to upload videos with your smart shoe, get a crappier version of the cable television you cut the cord on years ago, and watch reality shows transpire in real-time in reality with no scripts, no actors, no directors, no cameras, no crews, no catering, and no pesky union wages that make it impossible to hoard all the profit for yourself for work someone else did.

You see, in the future of tomorrow’s today, we’re visioneering. You can do banking with a flicker of your eye, communicate with your dead loved ones with incoherent AI that regurgitates gibberish that sounds nothing like them, and record audio with your mind before it’s swiftly forgotten unless you order our memory-enhancement supplements—be sure to sign up for a subscription, fam, for the best deal and assurance you’ll never run out, lest all your cherished memories be erased. Memories are content, and content is here for its coronation, baby. After all, we once hosted French kings, so we’re an authority in telling you there’s a new king in town, and that king is content, beautiful, sweet, sweet content—oh, content, my love, how I long for thee, how my aching loins quiver for thy sweet embrace.

[dinnickhowellslikes]

The wonderful covers of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, the literary collections that keep on going and going (thank goodness)

[iamanathemadevice]

“For example, let’s start with some basics. You know, the most common fart we encounter is typically noisy, gross, and a little scary for anyone in close proximity. And, well, this is also the first type of rudimentary racism we think about: audibly unappealing, obnoxious, usually a prompt to change locations. When expelled in the company of decent people, loud farts, or racism, will clear a room quickly. Now on the opposite end of the spectrum, but also frequently confronted, is the ‘silent but deadly’ variety of flatulence, where the smell of a fetid stink bomb makes you question the diet of people around you. Similarly, there is racism that can quietly appear out of nowhere and make you reconsider who you spend time with. Personally, I prefer loud sonorous farts, or racism, and knowing what I’m up against over the haunting, sneaky insidiousness of those quiet assassins.”

[wilkins]

My byline in the hallowed pages of McSweeney's Internet Tendency last Thursday. Truly an honor.

[infinitemonkeytheory]

[cbcastro]

That's about right LOL.

Calm Down — Your Phone Isn’t Listening to Your Conversations. It’s Just Tracking Everything You Type, Every App You Use, Every Website You Visit, and Everywhere You Go in the Physical World. “So don’t even worry about it.”

[tomisokay]

I wrote a thing!!

[mckitterick]

McSweeney's: doing the lord's work

full listing here on the McSweeney's website: X

free .pdf version (it's really that long): X

[jomiddlemarch]

The Starfleet Gazette will not be endorsing a candidate in the upcoming election for president of the United Federation of Planets. This decision was not made lightly, but neither of the two candidates—decorated Starship Voyager Captain Kathryn Janeway or The Borg—has shown us a real path to endorsement, and we must stay true to our priorities: journalistic integrity and not pissing off The Borg...

[bostonfly]

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal.

it’s decorative gourd season, motherfuckers

[love-filter]

SIOBHAN MCSWEENEY as SISTER MICHAEL

in DERRY GIRLS S01E02

[contemplatingoutlander]

This is an amazing compilation of 1056 awful things that Trump has said or done from Feb.10, 2011 to Jan. 20, 2021. (Although it does not include the hundreds of other awful things from the past 3.5 years, the list is long enough--the PDF version is 360 pages!)

The catalog starts with Trump's questioning Obama's educational credentials on Feb. 10, 2011:

During a speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference, Trump said, “Our current president came out of nowhere. Came out of nowhere. In fact, I’ll go a step further: The people that went to school with him, they never saw him, they don’t know who he is. It’s crazy.” This is false. Numerous accounts from Obama’s college classmates refute Trump’s claim, including Obama’s Columbia roommate, Phil Doerner. [color emphasis added]

And the catalog ends with Trump's behavior on Jan. 20, 2021:

On his final day in office, Trump did not invite Joe and Jill Biden to the White House, rejecting a longstanding tradition among presidents and their successors. Rather than attend the inauguration of his successor — making him the first president in modern history to skip the ceremony — Trump headed to Joint Base Andrews. There, a small crowd gathered to see him off. Not among them was Trump’s vice president. “We were not a regular administration,” Trump said in unscripted remarks. “Have a good life, we will see you soon.” As the Village People’s “Y.M.C.A.” played in the background, Trump then boarded Air Force One and returned to his resort in Florida. [color emphasis added]

After seeing the entire list, it is simply mind boggling that a huge segment of the American population STILL wants this guy to lead our nation--and STILL wants to give him access to nuclear codes.

Never underestimate the denial and willful ignorance of large segments of the American public.

[wilkins]

I have spoken to Mr. Blofeld (often with witnesses, but because of their identical helmets and silver jumpsuits, it will be difficult for me to identify them individually) on no more than a handful of occasions, all of which (with the exception of small talk during a helicopter flight to his private volcano fourteen years ago) consisted of brief and casual comments at events attended by large groups seated around a table shaped like an octopus.