#mcsweeneys

[lamajaoscura]

"Q: What is the average age for perimenopause? The average age for perimenopause is whatever age you happen to be when you google any of the following:

What age perimenopause?

Skipped period start of menopause?

Why do I have free floating rage?

Additionally, you may have started perimenopause if you call your mother or any older woman in your life to ask her what a hot flash feels like."

[jomiddlemarch]

Of particular relevance to Tumblr:

"Pedro Pascal is America's daddy."

[brightlotusmoon]

The Louvre Is Thrilled to Announce It Is Rebranding to “UVR” - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

If there’s one thing we’ve concluded from the millions of visitors who pass through our doors every year, it’s that art is passé. Art is stale in an age of content—unlimited content you can hardwire to your cerebellum with maximum connectivity, allowing you to upload videos with your smart shoe, get a crappier version of the cable television you cut the cord on years ago, and watch reality shows transpire in real-time in reality with no scripts, no actors, no directors, no cameras, no crews, no catering, and no pesky union wages that make it impossible to hoard all the profit for yourself for work someone else did.

You see, in the future of tomorrow’s today, we’re visioneering. You can do banking with a flicker of your eye, communicate with your dead loved ones with incoherent AI that regurgitates gibberish that sounds nothing like them, and record audio with your mind before it’s swiftly forgotten unless you order our memory-enhancement supplements—be sure to sign up for a subscription, fam, for the best deal and assurance you’ll never run out, lest all your cherished memories be erased. Memories are content, and content is here for its coronation, baby. After all, we once hosted French kings, so we’re an authority in telling you there’s a new king in town, and that king is content, beautiful, sweet, sweet content—oh, content, my love, how I long for thee, how my aching loins quiver for thy sweet embrace.

[dinnickhowellslikes]

The wonderful covers of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, the literary collections that keep on going and going (thank goodness)

[wilkins]

My byline in the hallowed pages of McSweeney's Internet Tendency last Thursday. Truly an honor.

[infinitemonkeytheory]

[tomisokay]

I wrote a thing!!

[mckitterick]

McSweeney's: doing the lord's work

full listing here on the McSweeney's website: X

free .pdf version (it's really that long): X

[jomiddlemarch]

The Starfleet Gazette will not be endorsing a candidate in the upcoming election for president of the United Federation of Planets. This decision was not made lightly, but neither of the two candidates—decorated Starship Voyager Captain Kathryn Janeway or The Borg—has shown us a real path to endorsement, and we must stay true to our priorities: journalistic integrity and not pissing off The Borg...

[tuserlivia]

DERRY GIRLS 3.04

[dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg]

Imagine their power

[bostonfly]

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal.

it’s decorative gourd season, motherfuckers

[wilkins]

I have spoken to Mr. Blofeld (often with witnesses, but because of their identical helmets and silver jumpsuits, it will be difficult for me to identify them individually) on no more than a handful of occasions, all of which (with the exception of small talk during a helicopter flight to his private volcano fourteen years ago) consisted of brief and casual comments at events attended by large groups seated around a table shaped like an octopus.

[infinitemonkeytheory]

Taylor Swift wakes up, stretches, and thinks, “How can I destroy America today?” It’s so important to set intentions.