#i never said i had the answer

[averseunhinged]

wip wednesday let's goooooooooooo

one of the things i've been working on lately is stitching together the various versions of i never said i had the answer, which i completely fucked up and have had to cut over 80k words. this is sort of the new rough version of a thing i already posted with added other stuff. i'm gonna try to link to the previous bits that are still part of it. if you're confused, don't worry. i'm confused too.

24/7 sylvia plath

snippet 1 of insihta

snippet 2 of insihta

snippet 3 of insihta

snippet 4 of insihta

very short snippet 5 of insihta

He'd thought, if he was the one to do it, it would bring him some measure of relief. She would be gone, excised like necrotic tissue, and he would be free to return to his previous state. But he realized, hunched in on himself with his brother's corpse and the rapidly deteriorating girl, he would never escape them. Another brother whose death he'd caused. Another woman who would be better off without him.

He could not murder someone else he loved.

She wasn't gentle. Not even on her deathbed. She would never beg him to save her. Not the way Tyler had. Klaus had been reminded then of the first time he'd had any real contact with her. She'd been a snarling, spitting, hissing creature, ordering Tyler not to take the doppelganger's blood, even though it was his only chance to live. And he almost hadn't. Klaus had seen the hesitation in the boy, his desire to follow his girlfriend's orders, even if it meant his own death. He'd trusted her, her passion and guidance. 

The only thought he'd had of her then was how he might use the couple against each other. She'd been nothing, a pretty face in a town full of pretty faces, until he'd begun investigating her utility and realized she'd positioned herself as Tyler's alpha without meaning to. Klaus had barely needed the sire bond to nudge Tyler into revealing everything. He'd been eager to tell of her virtues. How she'd taken control of him when he couldn't do it himself. Explained the little she'd known, despite being ordered to the contrary by the Salvatores. She'd stayed by his side throughout the agony of his first full moon, in spite of the danger to herself. Wept for him and held him while he writhed, the only succor throughout hours of cursed torment. 

The more he'd learned of her, the more his thoughts turned to her potentiality. His first turned hybrid, formed and shaped by a vampire lover who was precisely the correct combination of compassionate and despotic. If he could have swayed her, appealed to her natural inclination to both protect and control, he'd have had the perfect captain for his army.

Of course, he'd then gone head-to-head with Stefan and lost his temper. Thought himself so far above his old friend, whose heart bled him of his sanity. What a fool Klaus had been, thinking himself immune. Perhaps, it had been self-preservation, even more than he'd realized, when he'd ordered Tyler to bite her. 

"So, you–what? You can't promise that. You have whims! And the worst temper ever."

"Because I can't!" He set the cup in his hand down before he could give into the urge to throw it. To cause some manner of satisfying destruction. "Once. In over a thousand years, I have turned off my humanity one time, when Katerina escaped and I failed to break my curse. Do you understand that?"

By the frown on her face and the furrow in her brow, he knew she did not. "But I thought only younger vampires could turn it off."

"Yes," he agreed. "Typically. The older the vampire, the more difficult the process, buried as the original superego becomes under time. It requires an extraordinary set of circumstances. Despair beyond reckoning. A near complete loss of hope. Of self, even."

"No," she denied, shaking her head. "You wouldn't have."

There were moments when he cursed her cleverness, her unwitting insightfulness. Even when he led her there, her knowing of him was still an uncomfortable ache. 

"I would have."

"You wouldn't! Not over me."

"Yes," he insisted. "I would. It was already coming. I could feel it. A creeping chill of the spirit. As you faded, the numbness spread. Like hypothermia. I've nothing left to look forward to. That's the truth. For a thousand years, I had a mission. Protect my family. Break my curse. Build my army. Kill my father. Straightforward, really, for all its complications. And now I'm done. It's all resolved itself one way or another, for good or ill. What else is there for me?"

"You can't make me your only reason to go on." Her hands flexed between them, as though she wanted to grab him and shake the foolishness out of him. "People can't be that for each other. I'm just me! I'm not– it's not supposed to work like that."

"Why shouldn't it? We're not people, Caroline. We're monsters carved from our mortality. In time, I will find new endeavors. There will be more threats, more enemies to sink my teeth into. But for now?" Klaus leaned towards her, looming despite their similar heights. Her eyes were wide, reflexive breaths coming shorter in her agitation, but he did not stop, as merciless in this as she had ever been with him. "You wanted to understand why you no longer fear for yourself. Instinct. It's as simple as that. The monster inside knows there is an even more terrible creature here to protect you, even from itself." He lifted his hand to her face and hovered above her temple, wanting to memorize her--the shape of her eyes, the line of her delicate nose, the cut of her stubborn chin--with his fingertips, and when she did not flinch away, let himself have the pleasure of touching her hair and brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. "You will not end. I will not allow it."

She took his wrist and squeezed it hard enough to grind the bones together, the pain a distant thing, an anchor well below the waves, tying him to her, to there and then. Rested her opposite hand on his chest, over his heart, where it ran with a wolf's blood, digging like she might reach in and touch it, grip it in her strong, capable fingers.

If she wanted his heart, she could have it. She could take it, if that was what she needed. He would let her try.

"They forget," she whispered, a secret between them, "how old you are. They see this face and it makes them forget. Even Stefan does and he should know better by now.”

He told her they were the same, had known it since she told him to go to hell, as much as she could manage, anyway, and sank her teeth into his arm. He hadn't dripped imperious blood into her mouth as he stood above her. Hadn't even looked for a glass. The second time she needed his blood, the sheer perversion of the act was compounded by an added element of narcissism he hadn't quite noticed the first time. It was there, though. Would she think him mad if he told her killing her felt like killing himself? Her murder was his suicide.

"I don't,” she continued. “I never have. Not once. I always remember. Even when I'm playing everyone's favorite distraction. Even when you're playing awkward and charming.” She leaned in even closer, still holding him against her cheek, the palm between them trapped by their combined weight, her searchlight eyes so near his own, but infinitely more brilliant. “But I really need you to stop being so weird about this.”

[deoidesign]

Time and Time Again comes back tonight!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.

My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!

So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.

[sevenines]

i saw this tweet and found it interesting for two reasons. one is that some people base how good cartoon network would be to toh by how it treated su, and despite the fact that su’s treatment by the network was considered poor at the time, now its thought to be exceptionally good in comparison to modern shows.

two is how exactly su got impacted by a limited budget. a common criticism is how characters like connie, peridot, and lapis are left out of missions. but balancing a lot of characters is not only hard but also costly (extra animation, extra voices—it’s been revealed that the show is limited to a set number of characters per episode otherwise they’re over budget). animation mistakes are not uncommon since retakes cost extra. the entire reason the original show got cut short was due to loss of funding!

[necrotic-nephilim]

I started in DC by reading fanfics, but as I began to read actual comics, I started to be unable to read the actual fanfic that got me into it in the first place because it's so out of character.

But there are still some stories that I love to read because I love the found family trope so much, even if it isn't really accurate to the source material.

As a comics purist (sometimes), are there tropes that you like enough that you'll still enjoy a fic even if it's not accurate to canon?

oh my god this is SUCH a fun question. bc while i started with the comics, there were certain characters and/or character dynamics where i was exposed to the fanon before the canon (just bc it's hard to read everything when you start out just to read some fanfic) and so i've definitely experienced the fanon to canon transition. (*especially* with Jason Todd. i had only read 80s/90s stuff where he was already dead or the New-52 bc that was on-going when i got into comics and man. the fanon misunderstandings i had about him before i got frustrated and sat down to read all his pre-Flashpoint stuff were absolutely bonkers.) and aside from that, whilst i tend to prefer canon over fanon, i'm not past giving fanon its flowers for occasionally having really interesting insights. occasionally. so some of my fanon "guilty pleasure" tropes would probably be

Morally Grey Tim Drake - this is one where if you try to back it up with canon, i *will* get salty about it. of everyone in the Batfam aside from maybe Bruce and Cass, Tim has the *most* black and white morals. often his internal conflicts are routed in such an inability to compromise his moral views and it can cause him to clash with other characters. he's *very* stiff and rigid in his beliefs and is *rare* to compromise in even the smallest ways. i mean, DC has repeatedly used Tim Drake of Tomorrow/Savior/Gun Batman!Tim for a reason. it's to demonstrate that of everyone, Tim *cannot* have his morals compromised. there's no grey area for him. he's zero or a hundred, so if he tips over the edge of "too far" he tips *all the way*, and doing so is one of his worst fears, how he could go "too far" if he let himself. a couple panels out of context from Red Robin (2009) (which was a grief spiral for Tim to begin with) don't change that. now that said. if it's done *right*, i sort of love Tim being morally grey in fanfic. it takes a specific flavor for me, and it's incredibly important to include that mental spiral along with it, of him struggling to justify it. i don't have any interest in "Tim Drake is loosy goosy with Bruce's morals and has the highest kill count and no one knows teehee" bc it doesn't play with the interesting parts of making Tim morally grey, which are fracturing his psyche. but all in all, i think it's fun to put Tim in a morally grey area and i will read it in fanfic and i enjoy writing it a lot

Joker Junior!Tim Drake - i've not written it on this account (yet) but on my main ao3 account one of my biggest fics surrounds this concept. this is one of those "well *technically* it's canon but only in a specific very divorced from the comics universe and would not work at all in the main timeline" so, i categorize it as fanon in that 95% of fics exploring the concept are not doing so within the Batman Beyond universe, but the main timeline. i just love it. I'll take any excuse to whump Tim, but this concept is so fun. psychologically breaking Tim will always be my favorite pastime. there are so many ways to explore the long-term effects this could have on him, how it could affect the Batfam. i'm not a fan of it being used as a "gotcha" to Jason or Babs' trauma with the Joker to paint Tim as the Ultimate Victim, but it is fun to see how their relationships would be affected by being mutual victims of him. (i have a vague JayTim idea where TIm fully retires from being Robin after being Joker Junior and killing the Joker, making Steph Robin for most of his typical Robin era and Jason still tracks him down out of curiosity bc he wants to know what happened and all. very underbaked but i've got thoughts.)

Renegade/Apprentice of Slade!Dick Grayson - this is another one where yes, this happened *sort of* in canon, but i highly doubt most people writing Renegate!Dick have read or are actually pulling from Nightwing: Renegade. it's just an exploration fo the concept fo Dick being Slade's apprentice and i will always eat it up in any capacity. whether Dick grows up with Slade from a young age, or chooses Slade for whatever reason later in life. it's not anything that works in canon bc it compromises Dick morally (similar to the above with Tim) and therefore will always come across incredibly fanon in most fics. but i can't say i don't enjoy it. it's fun to make Dick a little morally fucked up and see what you can make him under Slade's tutelage.

Jason & Damian Meeting in the League -there's no world where i believe this could work in the canon comics. (maybe in the Young Justice cartoon i suppose, but even then i think it's iffy) i would go as far to say it's wildly unrealistic. i don't see a world where Ra's would let Jason anywhere *near* Damian, bc Jason was Talia's pet project that he didn't approve of. that all said, there's something very interesting about how they *could've* met and them potentially bonding during that timeframe. them being somewhat brotherly during this time because Jason sees Bruce in Damian and sort of latches onto the kid and Damian is full of wonder hearing real stories about Batman and Robin, then that getting violently ripped away by Jason leaving the League is fun to me. it's fun how that could affect them within the Batfam and all. it's super fanon to me, but i do not care. i will eat it up

Bad Dad Clark Kent/Good Dad Lex Luthor - i will admit as a late, i've been less and less kind to this particular fanon bc of everything i've argued with people about, *this* one seems the most pervasive as misunderstood fanon. i don't mind when fanon exists, my gripe is when ppl try to claim it's canon. and the *arguments* i've had over this with people who can never seem to cite an actual comic are... frustrating. but that said, i think there is something fun to this strictly in fanon. the duality of who you expect to accept Kon and who you expect to hurt him being flipped is just sort of fun for the occasional guilty pleasure fic. it can make Kon's internal conflict a bit more interesting. the same goes for the Jon favoritism from Clark, it's not a canon thing (and i rlly wish ppl understood how complicated the timeline of Kon and Jon is and any distance from Clark toward Kon isn't malice, it's that Kon is from a timeline that Clark does not remember in the current canon so Clark just straight up doesn't know the poor kid.) but it's sort of fun to give Kon that complex of being overlooked and forgotten sometimes. making Kon just a *bit* more Luthor than Kent will *always* appeal to me in fanfic, especially if he *knows* it's wrong but craves approval from anyone who will give it.

Good Dad Bruce Wayne - i'll die on the hill Bruce is canonically a shitty father. maybe not to the extreme some people write him as, but he's not great at it. that said, i enjoy it in fanfiction. sometimes, i just want silly fluff or hurt/comfort where Bruce finally gets it right and manages to comfort whatever Batkid is in the fic. one of my favorite fics of all time is hinged on Bruce being a good dad, so i think it's just fun to explore how good the relationships *could* be, if Bruce was slightly less of an asshole. i usually prefer him as an asshole, but there are times i want low stakes nonsense.

Gotham Rogues Having Soft Spots for Robin(s) - just about every Rogue in Gotham has done something absolutely irredeemable, and most of them don't like or care about anyone in the Batfamily. but if there's a fic where one of the Robins inexplicably is sort of close with a Rogue and they have a cute silly relationship out of it? I'll eat it up i fear. Steph and the Riddler are besties? I'll believe it. Tim and Scarecrow get along pretty well? give me ten of these. Rogues protecting Robins just hits a spot. the unexpected nature of the relationship, as well as the fact they see each other regularly, can make a lot of good fodder.

[gingermintpepper]

I saw it in your tag game post that you're also fond of the Apollo-Heracles conflict 👀 for a myth that appears in only a couple of sources, it sure has a lot of presence in the vase paintings (no seriously, everytime I think I've seen the last of it, I find ten more)

SO do you have any favorites among the paintings that represent this story??

OMG OMG THIS ASK IS A GIFT. IT IS A GIFT THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THIS

I also think it's extremely interesting that it's a story so popularly portrayed by vase paintings and in such a variety of ways!! It's certainly one of the stories that gets left out of written compilation of Heracles' legend a bit (which is a shame, I think it's a fantastic story) but Apollo had a very peculiar relationship with Heracles in general that I just kind of find amazing (and very, very funny).

Apollo is not a god with any legitimate grudge against Heracles, but he does argue with the mortal a bit like he argues with his favourite brothers 😂Part of why I love the story of Apollo and Heracles fighting over the tripod so much is that it is such a little brother thing for Heracles to be upset with the proclamation his elder brother has given him and so, he throws a great fit, taking up the chair and declaring that he'll just give himself a better prophecy! And Apollo, instead of being a marginally professional big brother, decides to fight him for it until their father has to break up their cat-fight. Like was that not just the plot of the Homeric Hymn to Hermes? Is this not exactly how Apollo treated Hermes when he was a child and now those two are inseparable? 💀

Because of this, my favourite vase paintings tend to be the ones that highlight the personal squabbling between Apollo and Heracles the most. There are some very elaborate ones that have the full host of them - Athena, Heracles, Apollo, Artemis, usually a dog and a doe, I've even seen a couple that had birds and plants etched on them, but the simplest ones that show Heracles about to bonk Apollo with his club out of frustration or depict Heracles nyooming away from Apollo while Apollo (presumably) yells curses about how he's going to fling Heracles head first into Tartarus for daring to take his things? Yeah, those are the premium big brother/little brother things I'm looking for.

(Photo. Marie-Lan Ngyuen)

(Photo. Museo Claudio Faina)

Also the one in the Theoi.com archives is a real classic - perfect energy.

[exhuastedpigeon]

Eddie’s going to be the last one of the team Buck comes out to and he’s going to be supportive because of course he is. He loves Buck, he just wants Buck to be happy and fuck Buck looks so happy - so free - now that he's figured out this part of himself.

But it’s also going to hurt like a bitch feeling like Buck trusts him least. Even though it isn’t that at all. It’s that Buck is terrified because what Eddie thinks of him matters so much, because he doesn't want Eddie to think he's been lying to him about such a huge part of himself.

[yonpote]

is pj bisexual? i feel like i remember him being bisexual

obsessed with the way you phrased this.

ah yes i remember his bisexuality well i saw it in a dream, a far off vision....

[gracebethartacc]

soooo I had a lore idea earlier that ties into the rewrite really well,,,,,,

Poor unfortunate souls am I right :)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i need to share the absolute fucking Experience i had playing minecraft tonight. i'm gonna be emotional about it for days

so me and my friends like to play on this server that's pretty much just a bunch of minigames. one of them is Murder Mystery - of a group of - i think its 13/14 people - one person is randomly selected as the murderer (spawns with a sword), the other as the sheriff (spawns with a bow). the rest are innocent. the innocents can gain a bow by collecting coins. no one knows anyone's status unless the player shows their sword/bow. i'm doing a quest where, in order to get points, i need to kill the murderer.

so as the game start countdown begins, me and my pal are checking out this Red Link skin. it's pretty neat! we're all crouching and punching at each other, as one does. i feel a connection form with Red Link. we're buddies now. we're in this together.

so we're all running around the map. every time i see Red Link, we crouch and punch at each other. the game is going fine, we're having fun. i'm delighted that i've made a one-game friend.

then my friend says that Red Link is the murderer, and i literally have a hard time believing it. Red Link? my Red Link? no, they must be mistaken. we were together at the start. they had ample opportunities to kill me. it can't be Red Link. but whoever the murderer killed was the sheriff, and i needed to complete the quest - picking up the sheriff tombstone grants me the bow.

so i run, trying to find it, and i turn the corner.

there Red Link was, standing at the end of the hall, by the tombstone, with a sword in hand. i froze. i was so upset - not Red Link! not my dear companion! i was so sure that was it.

but i walked forward anyway, thinking that maybe if i dodged around them, grabbed the bow, and turned and shot fast enough, i could get them. the thought was actually distressing! Red Link didn't put the sword away. they watched me slowly approach. we stood on either side of the tombstone, and i expected Red Link to cut me down. i was well within reach of their sword.

Red Link calmly, still looking at me, moved to the side and past me. i panicked and grabbed the bow, ran to the corner, turned and drew - Red Link was already at the other end of the hall, running away. i didn't want to shoot, but i needed the kill - who knows when i'd get an opportunity to complete the quest again. it's a tough one.

i missed, thank fuck, but man. i was in shock. i thought i was a goner.

then, after the game where awards are given - the murderer, who killed them, who collected the most coins - i went up to Red Link and crouched. they crouched back.

then they left the game.

[averseunhinged]

i realized this week that, in true s4 form, the bulk of this longass fic takes place over approx a three hour period, but it just keeps going on and on, because klaus will not sit down and stfu. at least he and caroline are in the same room again?

24/7 sylvia plath

snippet 1 of insihta

snippet 2 of insihta

snippet 3 of insihta

snippet 4 of insihta

very short snippet 5 of insihta

snippet of a later post-graduation installment

this falls after snippet 5. not super long, but it starts to get into the meat of why caroline went home with him after he tried to kill her. it's kind of a rumination on what it really means to be an immortal monster.

"So, you...what? You have whims! And the worst temper ever."

"Because I can't!" he hissed. He set the cup in his hand down before he could give into the urge to throw it. To cause some manner of satisfying destruction. "Once. In over a thousand years, I turned off my humanity one time, when Katerina escaped and I failed to break my curse. Do you understand that?"

By the frown on her face and the furrow in her brow, he knew she did not. "But I thought only younger vampires could turn it off."

"Yes," he agreed. "Typically. The older the vampire, the more difficult the process, buried as the original superego becomes under time. It requires an extraordinary set of circumstances. Despair beyond reckoning. A near complete loss of hope. Of self, even."

"No," she denied, shaking her head. "You wouldn't have."

There were moments when he cursed her cleverness, her unwitting insightfulness. Even when he led her there, her knowing of him was still an uncomfortable ache.

"I would have."

"You wouldn't! Not over me."

"Yes," he insisted. "I would. It was already coming. I could feel it. A creeping chill of the spirit. As you faded, the numbness spread. Like hypothermia. I've nothing left to look forward to. That's the truth. For a thousand years, I had a mission. Protect my family. Break my curse. Build my army. Kill my father. Straightforward, really, for all its complications. And now I'm done. It's all resolved itself one way or another, for good or ill. What else is there for me?"

"You can't make me your only reason to go on." Her hands flexed between them, as though she wanted to grab him and shake the foolishness out of him. "People can't be that for each other. I'm just me! I'm not...it's not supposed to work like that."

"Why shouldn't it? We're not people, Caroline. We're monsters carved from our mortality. In time, I will find new endeavors. There will be more threats, more enemies to sink my teeth into. But for now?" Klaus leaned towards her, looming despite their similar heights. Her eyes were wide, reflexive breaths coming shorter in her agitation, but he didn't stop, as merciless in this as she'd ever been with him. "You wanted to understand why you no longer fear for yourself. Instinct. It's as simple as that. The monster inside knows there is an even more terrible creature here to protect you, even from itself." He lifted his hand to her face and hovered above her temple, wanting to memorize her--the shape of her eyes, the line of her delicate nose, the cut of her stubborn chin--with his fingertips, and when when she did not flinch away, let himself have the pleasure of touching her hair and brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. "You will not end. I will not allow it."

[ratatatastic]

local man haunts (me) open practise yet again more news at 11

[ithacanradio]

"do you miss kissing?" is a bonkers line to say to your newly acquired ghost friend as you're dying of hypothermia ily charles rowland

[vehemourn]

guy in mabinogi rolled up on a vespa and began polling

[iscariotapologist]

while i was hanging around during drag queen karaoke at church a little old lady asked me what my pronoun pin meant and i blanked out and was like idk man what DOES it mean.....and then she made me help her get nachos and a hot dog lmao.

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

[bunnihearted]

🫖🐭☁️🍚