#i never established an original post tag and now i am paying for it

[hitlikehammers]

taste like loving

rating: t ♥️ cw: pre-relationship-to-established relationship, SUCH FLUFF ♥️ tags: idiots in love, pickles, slice of life, softness

for @steddielovemonth day seven: Love Is Silently Passing Them A Pickle Because You Know It’s Their Favorite (@steddieasitgoes)

@pearynice and @hbyrde36 suffered my languishing over this more than once; it felt wrong to delete it (which was the original plan) 🥒 (and yes I am well aware this is VERY late for @steddielovemonth but I had this one and one more that I never got to post bc schedules and I still wanted to...not-delete them? so the other one will go up sometime before the 29th's over worldwide) ♥️

The first time he notices is the first time they all hang out after he’s discharged. The first time it feels almost normal. Eddie’s still not mobile enough to leave the couch at most—at least a little variety of the one-room view of his bedroom, at least—but this.

This is awesome. Because there’s no hospital to remind him of the way he’s a mishmash of still-healing incisions that he can ignore if he doesn’t move wrong, or breathe to deep, and when he does breathe to deep and reminds himself it’s for laughing, it’s a raucous and joyful thing and it’s wild in a way he never knew he was missing because—or else, he thinks because—probably there wasn’t a deep pit inside him full of all the horrors they saw and stood against together, and so he’s got this new capacity to be bowled over and filled past the brim with a kind of giddy, buoyant relief that’s unbound in ways he probably didn’t dare to even tease at, despite all his ranting about conformity and letting your fucking freak flag fly: he never could have envisioned a time he could be this unbound. Untethered.

Just…fucking free.

Because these people have seen his literal fucking insides, right? One of them held those insides in his hands, held them where they belonged long enough for him to be sitting here cackling with them, aching for the jostling of his laughter but hell if it’s not worth it, if he pops a stitch or two he won’t even fucking complain because these people saw him inside-out, y’know, and from the first he felt safe with them, with all of him, spoken and unspoken because it really felt, for the first time, like all of the things that mattered to the world at large, that could get you killed in the wrong company: it all felt…dulled; distant, after what he’d seen.

What he’d survived.

So in the now: home, on the couch, with the Buckley and Harrington tag-team feature show splitting his fucking sides and making him feel like he’s drowning in only good things and breathing full for the first time in his fucking life—

That’s when he first notices it happen.

They’re opening the boxes with deli sandwiches from Leeanne’s down off Brooklyn, the big towering fuckers with the toothpicks in the center to hold them together, and Eddie’s fucking ecstatic about the Reuben he’s staring down because real-not-hospital-cafeteria food is still an honest goddamn thrill, but he sees Steve flip open his monstrous looking Club and it’s not even all the way flipped back, the top half of the little foldy-box, when Robin slips her equally-big-ass dill spear next to the one lined up against the bread of Steve’s lunch, flashing an overstretched grin as she plops it down:

“For my Dingus,” she nods to him almost graciously and he chuckles before he picks it up and chomps it almost…almost aggressivelyand yes, okay, fine: Eddie notices because he pays attention to his friends, especially some of his very best friends, but yeah, sure, he probably notices Steve’s biting enough to characterize it because, well.

And look, see: after Steve had set himself up as permanent guardian at his bedside?Eddie might not have had all the reasons for it, all the answers to the whys, but he did have Steve Harrington in the flesh beside him always, kinda day and night, and after that? Eddie had stopped telling himself it was useless, the things he was feeling, all the relentless want in him. It might still be hopeless—just because he knew now that Steve swung that nail bat for both teams didn’t mean he’d want Eddie specifically by default—but there was no harm in feeding the deathless little lust-monster that’d lived in him from sophomore year, and that now, fed by the knowledge that Steve Harrington was beauty and brawn and brains in a way no one never expected because it wasn’t theirs, all on top of a heart of fucking 

: the monster was now a full-grown beast that wasn’t…just prone to lust, anymore.

Whatever, though. Eddie could fucking look.

So he noticed the way Robin gave Steve her pickles. The way he playfully accepted and usually leaned into her, grateful and tactile in their shared-brain kind of way.

And if he keeps noticing, what the fuck else is he expected to do? The more he learns, the closer they grow, the stronger and bigger and louder his not-lust creature gets, its stomping like a riot in his pulse save no, that’s actually just his heartbeat for what it is: hopelessly and pathetically and godawfully smitten, kinda recklessly and unrepentantly devoted, and he…

Okay, so in the beginning, Eddie knows it’s a long shot. He knows what he was doing, but it’s easy to play off as something…less. Something just playful, instead of playful-and. He already sits next to Steve when they’re all together, on a floor or a sofa or in a booth: he’s expected there. That is his place. One side him, one side Robin.

Robin even takes across-from-Steve when there aren’t enough spaces. Eddie has somehow…made the cut.

He isn’t throwing a fucking party inside his ribs about it or anything, but.

(Yeah, he is.)

But it starts small, and sorta-almost-casual: when he pops his pickle on Steve’s plate the first time. And Steve blinks at him, tilts his head in that way Eddie associates with softness, with safety, with something so adorably protective, cute and yet let herbal, on alert while breathing slow: and there’s something irresistible in the dichotomy of it that has Eddie’s pulse ramping-up by instinct at just the little gesture, the little tip of the chin and then Steve’s grinning, slow but so big, and at him, and, okay. Okay, yes, fine.

Eddie may or may not be playing this like one of those fucking birds that brings pebbles to court their intended, that drops shining little bits and bobs of nothing special that mean everything special as they try to convince their mate they’re a good bet. It may or may not be a thing he should be at least a little embarrassed of, whatever.

The way Steve chomps with fucking gusto on that pickle though: the way he grins as he chews and keeps his eyes locked on Eddie’s the whole goddamn time?

Eddie’s not gonna be embarrassed of jack shit, if he gets that in exchange.

He’s also sure as shit not going to stop, when he gets that in exchange.

He tries to up his game as the gesture extends, expands: he does his best to make it clear that he fucking loves his beloved briny cucumbers, that the way he saves them and gifts them to Steve isn’t just mimicry of his platonic soulmate; that it’s deliberate and intentional and he’s willingly and willfully forgoing something he loves for something he loves—yeah, yeah he’s ready to say that, at least in his head, because the days turn to weeks turn to months and there’s no fucking denying it anymore—so very much more, and he just…wants to make sure Steve notices. Knows it and, like, whether he decides to act on it or not, Eddie just wants him to know that a choice was there to make, right? Like, he doesn’t want it to go unnoticed.

It’s only once Steve sucks half a spear through his lips, hollows his mouth wholly unnecessarily and positively sinfully, and puckers around the pickle with wide pleading but teasing, goddamn teasing eyes trained on Eddie expectantly with the bare half sticking out his mouth, an invitation from where he sits next to Eddie at the table: it’s only then that Eddie thinks maybe there was hope after all.

He bites the loose half clear just shy of brushing Steve’s lips because he’ll be damned if their first kiss—if this is where it’s headed, if this is really possible and a thing—he’ll be fucking damned if he kisses Steve Harrington for the first time over a fucking vegetable.

Given the way Steve’s lips ultimately close around a pout all on their own: Eddie thinks…yeah. Yeah, that’s where they’re headed.

Their first kiss is very much not-pickle-flavored, but they laugh about the almost of it, once they settle comfortably into a version of ‘we’ that’s not entirely unlike the one they had before; this one just says the love part out loud. Which honestly kind of highlights how much it was there, just unspoken, almost the whole goddamn time. Which is wild.

Then of course it grows. There’s always a jar of pickles on their shopping list, because there’s always a need when the last one’s always empty. Sometimes because he wanted something to eat in the middle of the night. Sometimes because he feeds a slice to Steve Lady and the Tramp style, and does lick the taste from him after, now, not because it isn’t momentous; kissing Steve. But more because it’s…it’s going to be momentous again, whenever he wants.

For, like, ever.

Though it’s carrying on in that fashion that kinda leads in to, about a year-and-change and going strong, Eddie getting his mind goddamn blown.

It starts, mostly, with Eddie thinking—mistakenly—that his boyfriend’s not gonna be late for dinner and honestly, Eddie just doesn’t want the spear to get all warm and floppy so he figures he’ll quick eat the ones he set out, cannot let a delicious pickle go to waste, and he’ll get a fresh one for the plates when Steve gets in, no problem, he’ll just—

He’s maybe almost fucking fellating the pickle when Steve clears his throat unexpectedly from the doorway to the kitchen.

“Am I interrupting?” the arch of his brow is enviable, and the giddy delight in his tone is delectable, and Eddie wants him to come over and kiss the fucking blush he feels just lightly heat his cheeks as he tries to decide what to do because…

Eddie’s never not given his pickle to Steve, or not shared his pickle with Steve, in Steve’s presence, okay? It’s just…that’s for Steve.

And Steve probably wouldn’t be grossed out with Eddie’s slobber all over it, but, like, he deserves better by default any—

Steve’s next to him before he fully notices him crossing the distance, and he’s nudging Eddie’s hand with just a finger, pressing the pickle past his lips, slow enough to chew but steady with the pressure, and hell if it’s not erotic as fuck.

Steve goddamn Harrington.

And he smirks when Eddie swallows with a gulp, leans to kiss him and comments kind of idly:

“That was hot, babe.”

Eddie huffs, and then looks at the pickle-less plates and remembers.

“I’m so sorry, Sweetheart, I’d have kept it for you, but I wasn’t sure how long you’d be—“

“Eds, relax,” Steve laughs, unbothered; “you don’t have to save me the pickle. I buy you whole jars.”

Eddie frowns a little, because that wording sound…off. He’s not quite sure why, until Steve picks up on his confusion, the grit caught in the works that he can’t pick out, because Steve always notices; and Steve always finds the catch to smooth it clean.

He’s amazing that way.

“They’re your favorites,” he goes and grabs the jar in question from the fridge, pops the lid and meticulously catches the drip on the glass lip before offering it to Eddie with a smile so warm Eddie can feel it in his knees, because it fucking makes them melty and shit even now; he prays it’ll never stop making them melty and shit, honestly, but—

“I never even really liked them, until you.”

And that’s the part that catches Eddie up entirely, almost chokes him on the end of his hand-fed pickle feast.

“What,” he pauses, clears his throat; “what d’ya mean?”

“Robin fucking hates them,” Steve shrugs, still smiling that knee-targeting smile; “so she always pawned them off on me, and I didn’t have any strong feelings either way, but then,” he reaches, traces Eddie’s lips and gathering any stray juice before sucking his thumb between his lips to clean it off. Eddie almost fucking feels his pupils dilate.

“You know I wanted it to mean something from the beginning,” Steve says simply, because Eddie did know; “and then when I found out it wasn’t just, like, convenient, but you liked them so much yourself, then it felt,” and then Steve’s biting his lip, which is that knife’s edge between adorable and hot-hot-sex that regularly threatens to explode Eddie goddamn brain, but than he’s smiling again, a little softer, a lot more fond:

“It felt like they meant you liked me,” Steve ducks his head solely to glance through his lashes, a little bashful even still; “it felt like it maybe meant you, you know, maybe, like maybe you loved me?”

And Eddie can’t handle the question mark there, dives in and kisses Steve sound and sure and licks his way in to rub away that bit of punctuation that could ever possibly cast any doubt on Eddie’s feelings at basically any point they’ve shared fucking air.

“It tastes like that, now.”

Eddie cocks his head a little.

“What tastes like what, baby?”

Steve leans and licks into Eddie mouth again, but this time it’s got direction, like he’s seeking something, but then just as quick he pulls back, though not far, and looks up at Eddie with a little extra curl to his lips as he murmurs between them:

“I fucking adore pickles, now. Because they kinda taste like you loving me.”

And Jesus H., this man is gonna kill him.

And Eddie—who can do nothing less than capture Steve’s lips again and let him taste this particular flavor of loving as long and as deep as he wants—Eddie kinda thinks that’ll be a fucking glorious way to go.

tag list (comment to be added): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland @dreamwatch @perseus-notjackson @estrellami-1 @bookworm0690 

♥️

divider credit here

[whumpty-dumpty-doo]

Whumpmas in July 2024 - Day 1: (Re) Introduce Yourself!

This post is part of my participation in the 2024 @whumpmasinjuly event!

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Howdy, folks! I'm Deedoo! I've been a whump enjoyer for as long as I can remember, though I didn't know there was a term or community for it until somewhere in mid-2023, when I somehow stumbled across a whump fic, found the terms and tags, and the rest was history.

I'm a professionally trained artist who almost never draws (woops), though I sure do like to think about it. I got bitten hard by the writing bug a few years back, and that's been my main creative outlet for a while. I write all kinds of things, and am currently working on a (non-whump) fantasy series that I daydream about potentially publishing one day.

In terms of whump content, I have a WIP whump fic called "We Are TroubleD"! Right now there are several entries up, but they're miscellaneous entries written for a previous whump event that may or may not eventually find their ways into the proper canon story. I'm just having fun with it for now while I write the main story!

Here's a little more about me for those who might be interested:

❤️ Name: Deedoo

�� Pronouns: she/her

🤍 Favorite season: Fall probably... I love the leaves, the colors on the trees, and of course Halloween! ... But ahhh, spring is so good too because you can go outside after a long cold winter and the flowers are blooming... It's so hard to pick just one season!

❤️ Average amount of sleep: 8 hours hopefully! My sleep schedule is all kinds of goofed up though haha

💚 Dream Job: Something where I can make art (or something that makes me feel creatively fulfilled), pays me well, and doesn't drive me into the ground due to exhaustion and/or long hours (beyond what I can handle).

🤍 Blog established date: Nov 23rd, 2023! Or at least that's when I reblogged my first ever post on here. I'm not quite sure how to check when I actually made this blog!

❤️ Username/blog meaning: I originally wanted to call my self "Whumpty-Dumpty" like "Humpty Dumpty", but that name was already taken, so I went with "Whumpy-Dumpty-Doo" like "Scooby-Doo", and specifically the show "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!"! That theme song frequently plays in my head because of this blog. That's also why the line in my profile asks "Who whumped you?". Now you can sing along with me!

💚 Hobbies: Drawing, crafting, writing, playing video games, watching youtube, and walking!

🤍 What you love about whump: The power dynamics, the struggles, the vulnerabilities, the comfort and care (I ultimately want the whumpees to have happy or at least neutral endings!), and the journey that the whumpees take to overcome, hold on, and survive their traumas. Things can get so emotional, and sometimes it's through the deepest and darkest horrors that you can see the brightest lights at the end of it all.

Plus, the community is so creative!! I love how so much of the whumpsphere is made up of original stories, characters, and art. So many people churn out consistently amazing stuff, and it blows me away.

... Also I'm a sucker for any character who is bound and gagged. It's a freaking weakness. Sue me lmao.

❤️ Anything else to add: I hope that everyone who reads this has a nice day!

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Please note that my blog is meant for an 18+ audience. There are things that I post and reblog that are mature in nature and can sometimes be NSFW and not suitable for minors.

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Tags: @whumpmasinjuly-archive

[delusion-of-negation]

Hi, I really need help staying afloat right now as I just got kicked out and am wondering if you could reblog my pinned post so more people could see it? Sorry to bother you, it's perfectly fine if you can't, and thank you for your time!!

your earliest post is only a couple months ago

your archive doesn't work and your blog is hidden from the web

in the rare original posts, you're tag spamming unrelated stuff

you've been sending this to everyone, mostly strangers afaik, it follows the same formula as scams, eg the "rb my pinned post"

and yet you haven't thanked a single ko-fi supporter, the site will notify you to do it whenever people donate, it takes ten seconds

additionally "My parents found out I was trans last month so they kicked me out and fired me from their shop, where I’ve been working to support my family." they own a shop where you worked to support them? help me with the maths there. and "I can’t get a job because there’s none where my friend lives and I don’t have a car to be able to commute, and I can’t borrow my friend’s car because she’s using it for her own job. I’ve seriously tried to find any solution out of this, but I can’t [...] I need money for either some shitty car so I can commute, or rent so I can leave my friend’s place and get my own where I could find work." you're asking for 4k, my dude. that's a lot more than a shit car or a couple months rent, and I can't understand it. cars on ebay vary from a couple hundred to a couple thousand, my family could never afford more than that and they would get cars there. you could uber or taxi or take the bus, or get dropped off by your friend, or otherwise carpool, or so on, and ask for a fraction of this to supply your friend with some food and to pay for your journey until you're settled in. it's been a month since you even left and you've already established there are zero jobs nearby unless you buy a fancy car, what about remote work? and you say your friend wouldn't kick you out and can afford rent, so why not raise money for food shopping to help her out (which you cite as the issue here) while you look for a work from home job or a means of transport? and you took days to make a vague post about a confrontation with your friends' parents? no vent nearer the time, just a vague post spammed into unrelated tags? the timing and "logic" is all over the place. I'm sorry, this isn't adding up at all. I've been literally homeless multiple times, and I've had to ask for help myself a couple times - I have my bro's fundraiser pinned, and I have my own ko-fi in my bio, and I have a post explaining about how I could become homeless again unless I meet inconsistent and unreliable demands of my landlord, something I've talked about for over a year on here venting and stuff. so I'm no stranger to these situations, and the lack of supporting info for yours is weird enough, but there's also the scam-like practices, and the fact that 4k doesn't check out at all, that's more than the deposit to rent outside of big cities (where you would have no issue with job quantity or lack of public transport, so we can assume you're not in one). you have no breakdown of why the high asking price or where you got that number for a car or anything. I checked the notes of that pinned post and the ko-fi and scrolled through your entire blog, and I couldn't find any additional information of the sort. I really wanted to believe you weren't a scammer taking advantage of people's kindness, but with all this in mind that's understandably difficult for me. I'll let others make up their minds on this one.

[praisetheaxolotl]

I’d like to get your thoughts on this, hope this is okay!

Look at this quote from this article:

“It’s easy to pick on the “this wouldn’t be happening if these characters were coded as male,” but it’s nonetheless true—as a fan of the unrepentantly (gloriously) awful Bill Cipher, among others, I can promise you I see it regularly.”

I immediately thought of this blog when I read this. 

Not saying you’re misogynist, of course. This blog is just so fascinating, and for someone to dismiss it all like that is frustrating. 

I mean, of course they weren’t referring to you directly, but still. 

For someone to brush off people’s interesting, thought-provoking theories as nothing but misogyny is kind of close-minded, in my opinion. 

But this makes me curious. Do you think you’d still feel the same way about Bill if he was more feminine-coded? Would it matter?

And what do you think about that statement? Are you as annoyed by it as I am?

It’s always alright to get my thoughts on certain subjects, Anon! And lucky for you, I have lots of thoughts on this.

First of all, thank you for liking my blog! I put a lot of work into it, and I still look back on everything I’ve done here fondly. This blog is my only fandom-specific blog that’s still semi-active even after I’ve left the fandom. 

And, about what you said about misogyny... I don’t actually think that’s what the article is talking about. It’s not misogyny for someone to pick apart Bill Cipher, but it’s misogyny if someone offers that level of potential depth to a male character while instantly condemning a female character. 

But... honestly, from my experience? These two groups of people are different groups. 

I used to run in those “anti” circles, back in 2015? 2016? Before the whole “SU criti/cal” thing started to become popular. But I could still kinda see hints of it? It was back when SU was hailed as THE perfect show, before people knocked it off the pedestal they put it on. 

Anyway. These people hated redemption arcs. They saw Bill as this irredeemable monolith of a character, and any alternate interpretations were met with outright malice. I got called out once for, and I am not joking, headcanoning Bill as an abuse victim. They claimed I was “excusing his actions,” but when I asked to please show a screenshot of where I said that this excused him, they couldn’t. Because I never said that. 

(I ended up publishing the whole headcanon on my main blog, and people loved it. That reception is what pushed me to create this blog.)

I don’t doubt at least some of those people became the type to nitpick SU. So I feel that the same people that nitpick male characters are also the type to nitpick female ones. They’re just nitpickers with a black-and-white sense of morality.

But there are always exceptions to the rule- people who love morally gray male characters but hate morally grey female characters. Yes, some of these motivations may be spurred on by misogyny. But what frustrates me is the initial assumption of malice. I’m not saying the article itself is guilty of this, as it seems to be speaking to a general problem, but more those tumblr posts or tweets trying to “call people out” if they gravitate towards more morally gray male characters than female ones.

Which brings me to my answer to your question: No, I don’t think I would like Bill as much, had he been a woman.

But please let me explain first. 

First, you need to know some facts about me:

I am transmasculine. (Not a trans man- I’m nonbinary.)

I have a personality disorder. I’m not comfortable disclosing which one, but it’s one of the cluster B ones.

I was abused, and my reaction to the abuse was extreme anger and irritability. (Hence the PD.)

Another important fact is that my abuser was a woman. She’s my mother. I had to live with constant emotional abuse, gaslighting, neglect and other forms of malice for my whole life. I’m still not free yet, and I’m turning 20 in a month. (No, literally, exactly one month to the day.)

I was abused my whole life by a vindictive, manipulative shit of a woman, and it made me into a vindictive, manipulative shit of a person. The key difference is that I am actively trying not to be a vindictive, manipulative shit.

When I pick apart asshole male characters, I see myself in them. I do a deep dive into the whys, the hows the whos of why they ended up the way that they did, because it makes me feel liberated. It’s personally liberating to see someone like me, whom everyone sees as a monster, have a backstory that shows that monsters aren’t born, they’re made. It’s liberating to see them try and change, it’s liberating to give them someone to help them change no matter what, it’s liberating to look harder. Because that’s what I wanted. I wanted someone to look at me and see past the violent, angry 15 year old that I was, and actually help me. I wanted someone to see I was a victim, that I didn’t like being the way that I was. I wanted someone to help me and be there for me, even though I was messed up and awful.

(But don’t feel too bad for me- A few years ago I met someone wonderful through this very fandom who was exactly the kind of person I needed. And last November I proposed to him and he said yes!)

When I see a morally grey female character... all I can see is my abuser. I see in them the person that hurt me. I don’t want to look deeper, just as I don’t care about my mother’s long rambles about how shitty her childhood was. Was she also abused? Yes. Do I care? Nope! I don’t feel that same drive to pick apart female characters that act like the male ones I like, because of my trauma.

 And honestly? Just because I gravitate towards male characters more doesn’t make me a misogynist. How I treat actual real life women does. I do examine my behavior to make sure I’m not being misogynistic- in fact, it was worry that I was being misogynistic in my dislike of these characters that made me think hard enough to have such a long answer to your question. 

Maybe someone liking only male characters is an indicator of misogyny. Maybe it isn’t. I’m not shy about talking about what happened to me but people should not have to disclose their traumas in order to be “allowed” to consume fiction in a way some stranger doesn’t like. 

And there actually is a specific subset of morally grey female characters I like: my own OCs. 

I guess it’s the fact that I created them and thus can control how they act? They’re all assholes and I love them so much, but I don’t feel that same aversion as I do with characters that aren’t mine. Because the lack of control I had over my own abusive situation is what fucked me up so hard, but now I do have the control. If I watch a TV show, I don’t have any control over what the characters do, they’re not mine. But I do have control over my OCs.

(Psst- if you wanna see those OCs, I’ve since moved to the Invader Zim fandom, and am working on a HUGE fic series for it. (It’s not published yet- I’m working on it behind the scenes.) Those OCs I’m talking about star heavily. Here’s my blog, if you’re interested. I kinda wanna do some metaposting for that fandom, too, but I’ve no idea where to start. I love the Irkens, though, haha. Anyway if any of you happen to like IZ and have a meta-question for me... the askbox IS open!)

Anyway. This got really long. But misogyny in fandom is a thing, and the article does call it out well. I just get frustrated that people immediately assume malice. The statement does annoy me, but because it does happen if the characters are coded as male, too. I see it all the time. People just tend to either be fans of the morally grey, or... not.

[clubyukhei]

in the mood for love (m)

pairing: wong yukhei x (f) reader

genre: fluff, smut, slice of life, some angst

summary: distance makes the heart grow fonder. in yukhei’s case, it makes him reminisce on all the firsts of your relationship and realise you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. (or: a long-distance relationship au where yukhei savours every moment of your short reunion.)

warnings: unprotected sex, language

tags: established relationship, flashbacks, set in hk, hendery and kunten appear, drunk texting, flirty dialogue, love letters, talks of marriage, pining, a bittersweet ending

word count: 14.6k

a/n: wow, it feels weird to be finally posting this because i’ve been working on this for months. this took way longer than expected and for that i wanna thank my sweet mutuals and anons who have been so patient and encouraging :’) i hope you’re in the mood for fluff and domesticity because this fic is full of it! enjoy! (reposting again bc the original one wouldn’t show up in the tags. tysm if you’ve interacted with that post btw <3)

--

heaven is in your eyes

bright as the stars we're under

oh, is it any wonder

i'm in the mood for love?

-

why stop to think of whether

this little dream might fade?

we've put our hearts together

now we are one, i'm not afraid

-

if there's a cloud above

if it should rain we'll let it

but for tonight, forget it

i'm in the mood for love

-- 

mornings like this are hard to come by for yukhei.

when the only sounds he can hear are the ticking of a clock and your soft exhalations. when you’re cuddled up to him, your face tucked into the crook of his neck where you breathe warm puffs of air onto his skin every few seconds. 

it’s probably just another one of those dreams that yukhei gets every now and then. the kind he never wants to wake up from, because when he opens his eyes, all he sees is the dull grey ceiling of his dormitory before his bunkmates’ noisy snores snap him back into reality. 

those mornings were the worst. yukhei would give up on going back to sleep. instead, he’d force himself out of bed to wash up and head to the canteen for an early breakfast, all while annoyed that his mind had once again translated his yearning for you into his dreams. he couldn’t help but feel like he was being mocked by his own self. 

but this time, it feels different. 

his back is resting on a bed that’s much comfier than the thin mattress he’s used to back at camp, and he’s awfully snug and cosy under what feels like a thick fleece blanket.

yukhei peels his eyelids open, ready to be met with disappointment again.

the first thing he sees is the sunrise peeking through the curtains, greeting him good morning with a dark orange glow — which is weird, because he’s always up before the sun is. even though his mind is still fuzzy, yukhei has an inkling that he’s not back at camp. so he lifts his head off the pillow and looks around. 

there’s a messy work desk between two huge potted plants; a wall fully plastered with polaroids and pictures; and a clothing rack with clothes that clearly aren’t his but it’s the bra hanging over an armchair that finally tells yukhei that he’s in your bedroom.

he looks down and sighs in relief seeing you in deep slumber next to him. you’re sleeping on your side with a hand absentmindedly resting on his waist, your head tilted as if you fell asleep while gazing at him. your eyes are closed and the look on your face is so peaceful — it’s an image that yukhei wants to keep in his mind forever. 

wrapping an arm around your hips, yukhei gently tugs you closer to him. your eyebrow scrunches in reaction and he panics a little, freezing when your hand lands on top of his. but you turn on your other side and snuggle back against his chest instead, and his lips curl into a lopsided smile at this tiny movement.

yukhei hugs you from behind, nuzzling into your hair and sighing when he gets a whiff of your apple-scented shampoo that he has missed so much. 

just like that, the warmth of your bodies wrapped around each other and the thought of getting to spend the next few days with you — in real life, not just in his dreams — lulls him back to sleep. 

-- 

yukhei would never forget the day he first met you. 

or the sight of you sitting at the back of his mum’s restaurant, sipping on a glass of iced tea as you stared out of the window and silently observed the hustle and bustle of shatin plaza. 

the fact that his usual seat was occupied and that a pretty girl was sitting in it left him speechless, but not annoyed at all. sure, it was his favourite spot. it also unofficially belonged to him, seeing how he sat there nearly everyday doing his homework — but that was years ago. 

yukhei felt like the universe had something up its sleeve when it presented him with such a scenario on a day where he finally managed to pop by his mum’s restaurant and pay her a visit. he rarely popped by on weekdays anymore because of how hectic his academic life was becoming.

“look who it is! our yukhei who keeps growing taller and taller!” 

yukhei smiled shyly as he stepped behind the counter and greeted the longtime staff — aunties who never failed to shower him with all sorts of compliments — and rushed into the kitchen looking for his mum. 

mrs wong was less than pleased when she saw her son, to say the least. the smile on her face lasted for a good minute before she started nagging about how he should’ve gone home to study instead.

“i am going to study! right after i eat.” he whined, shocked that his presence had irritated her so much.

“you always say that, yukhei. but you just play games on your phone!” mrs wong retorted, not looking away from the refrigerator.

yukhei gulped at that statement, unwilling to admit that it was quite true.

“mum, who’s that girl outside? sitting at my table?”

“your table?” she chuckled before looking up at him. 

yukhei watched her make her way towards the kitchen entrance to peek at the stranger outside.

“ah, that’s _____. she comes here often.” she said with a bright smile that even yukhei himself rarely received. “she helped us understand what the tourists were saying, talked to them in english for us a few times now. a very sweet and smart girl.”

if anything, yukhei became more attracted to you at that moment. 

maybe it’s the thought of you helping his mum out while he’s not around — he knew how rude and impatient some tourists could be with language barriers, having personally dealt with them several times — or maybe it’s just the way you entered his life that, for some reason, felt like an important moment to him. 

either way, he already made up his mind about one thing. 

yukhei ended up serving you the pad thai you had been waiting for, warmly introducing himself as the lady boss’ first and older son and striking up a conversation with you that went on longer than he had expected. 

he thought it was bad that he had to control his excitement when you suggested he take the seat opposite yours, but it only got worse as you both began to talk about everything and nothing.

when you smiled, he lost his train of thought.  when you laughed or so much as even chuckled, his chest squeezed around his heart and he wanted to keep hearing the sound of it. and when you listened to him, he had to look away because your attentive gaze on him was truly too much. 

by the time you were done with your meal, yukhei had your number saved in his phone. he offered to walk you out, opening the glass doors for you all gentlemanly as if you had just dined at a five-star hotel restaurant.

“it was nice talking to you, yukhei.” you turned to smile at him just before you stepped outside. “see you again, i guess?” 

“yeah, let’s—um. yeah, see you around.” yukhei stuttered pathetically.

you giggled and waved goodbye to him and mrs wong before heading off. the lady boss had been subtly keeping an eye on you two after her son insisted on waiting your table.

once you were out of view, yukhei sighed, cringing at how nervous he sounded. before you, he had never in his life felt that self-conscious in front of anyone.

“my dear, what was that?” his mum asked with a sly look of amusement on her face. 

yukhei wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“i don’t know, mum.”

all he could think about was seeing you again. 

-- 

when yukhei wakes up again, he’s alone in bed. 

the midday sunlight glares into the room and shines on the empty spot next to him, prompting him to roll away and further into the shade. 

he lies on his side, watching some plant-shaped shadows sway across the wall for a minute before forcing himself out of bed. those extra hours of sleep did wonders for his circadian rhythm and for once he doesn’t feel tired to be awake at all — just bummed that he woke up with you not in his arms.

something in the air shifted after last night. yukhei couldn’t get over the way you jumped into his arms when he appeared at your doorstep, or how you got emotional at his shaky confession as he presented you with the promise ring he had been keeping for so long. 

he had been craving for your presence so much over the past few months that seeing you reciprocate those feelings made him relieved and somewhat clingy. all he wants is to stick by your side every second he has with you before he leaves again. 

so he gets out of bed immediately, walking into your tiny living room where he hears the sound of running water and finds you leaning against the kitchen counter with your back facing him, busily tending to the roses he had gifted you last night. 

yukhei makes his way to you fast. his hands sneak beneath your oversized t-shirt and around your waist, pulling your frame against his front as he places a kiss on your temple. 

“morning,” you say, relaxing into his touch and reaching for the nape of his neck with one hand to tug his face closer to yours. 

yukhei hums in satisfaction when you angle your face perfectly to lock your lips with his in a tender kiss and whines when you attempt to pull away. he wants to taste your lips for a little longer, he’s far from done and you know it too. 

you turn around to face him properly, abandoning the stalks of roses that had your attention earlier. a gasp escapes you when he slides his hands down to your bum and swiftly lifts you onto the counter.

“missed my baby so much,” he mumbles against the juncture of your jaw and neck, relishing in your soft sighs by his ear. 

he doesn’t miss the way your legs hook around his waist to pull him closer or the way your fingertips lightly scratch his scalp as he busily sucks at your skin, determined to leave a trail of love marks for his own appreciation. 

the doorbell rings just as he’s licking over his masterpiece, rudely interrupting the moment. 

“yukhei.” you squeeze his shoulders and yukhei forces himself to pull away.

“who’s that?” he asks, unable to hide the tone of disappointment in his voice. his hands refuse to leave your skin, his thumb gently caressing the curve of your underboob.

you giggle at his pouty lips before adjusting the short bangs hanging over his forehead that he hated despite the many times you told him he looked cute.

“i ordered brunch for us.” 

dumbfounded and still in a half-asleep state, yukhei helps you off the counter. he watches you look into the peephole before opening the door and picking up a large paper bag that had been sitting on your doormat.

“i thought you’d be hungry after waking up.” you say, setting the bag into your small dining table for two. “i hope you don’t mind, bub. i didn’t want to cook anything because, well—i can’t. i haven’t been to the grocery store this week. but we can always head there later and get stuff for the next few days.”

yukhei lets out a huff of disbelief. “baby.” 

but you don’t hear him. you’re so busy unpacking the small food boxes onto the table as you ramble on and on, oblivious to the way he was staring at you in adoration.

“i got you your favourite stuff. spring rolls, shu mai—what?” 

at last you notice how quiet he has been and you freeze, looking at him with your eyes wide in concern. 

“sit down and let me do the work, please.” yukhei pleads, dragging a chair out. “you did all that while i did nothing and slept like a log!” 

you laugh, shaking your head as you sit down. “i just dialed a number and asked for some food. and i know you really needed that sleep.”

once all the food boxes are arranged neatly on the table, yukhei takes his seat next to you. you’re in the midst of reaching for a pair of chopsticks when his hand grabs onto yours, halting your movements.

there’s a moment of silence as you curiously watch him readjust his thumb below the joints of your fingers, bringing the back of your hand towards his lips.

“thank you, baby. i love you.” he tells you with a dazed smile, placing a kiss just above where the promise ring hugs your finger. 

“you’re welcome.” 

you tell him you love him too before you bite back a huge smile — the kind that satisfies yukhei so much because he knows he’s the reason behind it.

--

yukhei couldn’t put into words how elated he was when you texted him back a few days after your slightly awkward first meeting, agreeing to hang out with him that upcoming friday night.

truth be told, there weren’t any concrete plans for your first date. it was amusing to him really, how the conversation ended right after you both settled on a meeting place, with no discussions of what to do or where to eat.

maybe you were simply excited to see him again and didn’t really care about what the plan was — because that was exactly how yukhei felt. 

the bus ride to the shopping mall felt longer than usual. yukhei found himself staring at his reflection in the window a few times, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket and making sure he looked good.

he had rushed home straight after javelin practice and taken the quickest shower of his life before spending a good amount of time styling his hair. it was not the wisest idea — choosing a late school day when there were six other days in a week where he wouldn’t have to rush — but he had been merely trying his luck when he sent that message asking if you were free. he wasn’t expecting you to actually say yes. 

so when he spotted you waiting all by yourself from afar, he quickened his footsteps amidst the crowd, never taking his eyes off of you. 

your face lit up as soon as you saw him and you waved, the crop top you wore lifting a little. yukhei’s gaze flew to the sliver of skin exposed and the nervousness that had been bubbling in his tummy earlier instantly melted into nothing.

the night went quite smoothly. yukhei could not have enjoyed himself more, from dinner at the sushi bar you had recommended to the impromptu movie session that had the both of you sharing the only available seat left: a couple seat. 

he was falling harder as he got to know you more and it scared him just how fast it was happening.

“do you watch superhero movies a lot?” you asked as the two of you turned into another alley of food stalls. 

yukhei had insisted on accompanying you back to the train station after the movie as it was getting late. he was not going to leave you alone when nightlife in the city was just starting, not when the streets were bound to get rowdy. 

“not really. i mean blockbusters are nice but i love old dramas and action flicks, you know?” yukhei answered, turning to look at you in his jacket that had been on you since he noticed you shivering in the cinema. he couldn’t help but smile at how your fingertips were peeking beneath the long sleeves.

“wait, me too!” you gasped, turning to look at him with a huge smile. “why didn’t you stop us from watching iron man?” 

“well you suggested it so i thought you really wanted to watch it!” yukhei laughed as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “i’m sorry.” 

“no, that’s my bad. i didn’t know what you liked so i just picked something popular.” you rolled your eyes playfully. “maybe we can watch the great gatsby next time. i think we might enjoy that.” 

next time?

it took yukhei a few seconds to acknowledge the idea of a second date that you had brought up so casually.

“r-really?” he cringed as the single word fumbled through his lips.

“yeah?” you replied, the blank look on his face amusing you a little. “we can watch something else too, if you want.”

“no!” he perked up. “let’s watch gatsby.”

eventually the two of you arrived at the train station, where goodbyes were exchanged rather reluctantly and awkwardly. yukhei watched as you took a few steps away from him before abruptly turning back around. 

“what’s wrong?” 

“your jacket!” you ran a hand through your hair abashedly. “i almost forgot! i mean i did, but.”

yukhei’s hands flew to yours before he could stop himself, stopping you from taking his black denim jacket off. 

“it gets cold in the train. you should have it.” his hands flew to his sides awkwardly. “you can give it back to me next time, it’s okay.”

“oh.” you said so softly that yukhei almost missed it. your eyes fell onto the short sleeves hugging his arms and he read your mind right away. 

“i’ll be fine. my bus ride home is pretty quick.” he reassured you. it was a lie. the weather had started getting cooler and that’s why he brought a jacket out in the first place, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

yukhei noticed that your cheeks had reddened a little. why were you so cute?

“okay then,” you said with a tiny smile. “thanks again, yukhei.”

yukhei landed on his bed face flat after a warm shower, absolutely exhausted and ready to hit the sack. to be fair, it had been a long day for him and it was close to midnight. 

if it was any other weekday night, he would be snoring already. but he had just sent you a text asking if you reached home already and was eagerly waiting for your reply. 

at last, after a long five minutes, yukhei’s phone buzzed a few times in a row. 

[from: _____][sent at 11:57PM] 

hey

i just got out of the shower

thx for checking in :)

and thx for tonight again, i had a good time :)

wait it’s almost 12!! 

you’re still awake? 

yukhei didn’t realise a bunch of alphabets and symbols could make him so happy. his thumb hovered over his phone screen as he began to type out a reply, but a more texts came flying in.

[from: _____][sent at 11:59PM]

well

in case you’re already sleeping..

goodnight and sweet dreams~

just minutes ago, he had been so ready to fall asleep. but the rush of happiness he experienced as he read your texts over again made that impossible now. yukhei couldn’t put away his phone, couldn’t stop himself from grinning. 

he was screwed. he knew he was, when that was the effect you had on him after only days of knowing each other.

--

“well, well, well. if it isn’t my favourite couple.” 

“sorry,” you sigh while yukhei simply shoots an apologetic smile at kunhang as he slips into the booth after you. “you know how bad traffic is at this hour.”

“it’s okay.” says ten who’s sitting next to kunhang and shoving his nintendo switch into his bag. “but we ordered some stuff first because i’m starving my ass off.”

“oh that’s great!” yukhei cheers. “i’m hungry too.”

“already? weren’t you guys just at your mum’s restaurant?” ten chuckles as he looks up, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

kunhang snorts. “he’s hungry all the time, remember? you should see his snack stash back at our dorms.” 

just before they parted ways at camp at the start of their vacation, kunhang had suggested to yukhei that they have a get-together meal with ten — the oldest of the trio who recently scored a job at a renown art gallery in town and decided to stay for good, instead of flying back to his hometown.

yukhei agreed to it, not just because he missed his friend dearly, but also because it’s been a while since all of you had a meal together. when he brought it up to you, you were thrilled at the idea of catching up with them, even if that meant giving up some of his already limited time with you. that’s how you and him ended up sitting across from his two best friends at a hot pot restaurant tonight. 

as food arrives and gradually takes up every inch of space on the table, everyone takes turns giving updates on their lives. yukhei shares memorable incidents at camp and kunhang adds on to his stories with funny anecdotes that make you and ten laugh, while ten announces that his longtime boyfriend, kun, has moved into his apartment. 

“so how’s it like living with kun so far?” you ask, ladling soup from the simmering pot in the center of the table for everyone. 

“i’m getting used to my fridge having food and my kitchen actually being used.” ten replies with a shy smile that yukhei rarely got to see. “it’s only been a week and it’s getting messy in there, but i’m not complaining.” 

“aw.” 

yukhei hears you coo, and he can practically see the look of endearment on your face even though he’s focused on all the meat you’ve put on his plate earlier. 

“and when are the two of you planning to tell us that you’re getting married?” the long-haired boy smirks, squinting at the gold band hugging your ring finger. 

the question stunts you and yukhei and kunhang nearly chokes on his sprite. the innocent smile that was on ten’s face just seconds ago was now long gone and replaced with a mischievous one.

“married?” kunhang exclaims, his voice so loud that the couple in the next booth turns over to look. thoroughly embarrassed, he presses the front of his cap down to hide his eyes. “how am i not the first person to know this, yukhei?”

yukhei sighs. where, and how, should he begin? 

as he glares at ten who’s enjoying this a bit too much, you set your chopsticks down and hold your hand out to an eager kunhang, who marvels at the piece of jewellery on your ring finger up close.

“so?” ten lets out a cheeky, high-pitched giggle at the look yukhei gives him. “did you guys just come back from telling your fam the good news or…?”

yukhei grins devilishly as he picks up a bean sprout with his chopsticks, ready to fling it at ten, but you’re faster than him. 

“we’re not—i mean, we’re getting married. eventually! not now, obviously.” you chuckle in a flustered manner.

we’re getting married. 

yukhei’s heart flutters at that sentence. he wants to hear you say that again, wants to be the one to tell his friends that. 

“you’ll be the first to know when we do.” yukhei adds, nudging kunhang’s foot underneath the table, earning an eye-roll from ten.

“well, you better.” kunhang quipped. “we’ve been talking about this for years now. it’s time you two quit playing and actually get it done.” 

“ah, so this is a promise ring?” ten cuts in excitedly. it’s now his turn to examine the ring as kunhang gets back to his food. “it’s so pretty. it definitely suits you.”

“thanks,” you beam as you pull your hand back. “yukhei got it years ago but won’t tell me when or where. says it’s a secret.”

the two boys gawk at yukhei right away and he sighs, bracing himself for what’s to come. 

“oh xuxi, you romantic baby!” ten teases, clearly having the time of his life making yukhei blush tonight. 

“so this is what you were nervous about!” kunhang scoffs in disbelief before looking between you and ten. “we were on the train back to the city and he wouldn’t shut up about being nervous for some surprise plan. and he just wouldn’t tell me what!” 

“oh my god, you guys are so cute. it’s gross.” ten shakes his head. “you’re lucky i love you both!”

yukhei smiles bashfully. he was a little embarrassed at first, but of course ten and kunhang had to make it worse. he wanted to pull his beanie over his entire face and ignore everything.

you’re awfully silent next to him as you glance between your food and your lap shyly, your hair shielding your face from everyone else. a warm rush of adoration washes over yukhei and he finds himself gently adjusting your hair, tugging a loose strand behind your ear.

“okay, that’s it.” kunhang groans, grabbing his bag and pretending to leave the table. “thanks for the meal, you guys.” 

“you can’t just leave!” ten exclaims, reaching for his cup of tea. “you haven’t asked _____ for her friends’ numbers yet.” 

kunhang stares at ten, his eyes widening and jaw dropping in horror before he starts bickering with him — a scene that has you bursting into laughter and yukhei reminiscing the good old days where the four of you would hang out at the mall for hours after class. kunhang was always so starstruck by the popular girls at your all-girls school though you weren’t close with any of them. nothing has really changed since you entered university. 

“you told me to remind you!” ten retorts. 

“not in front of everyone!” kunhang cries dramatically.

“dude. it’s literally just the four of us.” ten deadpans. “always has been.”

“anyway,” kunhang rolls his eyes as he turns to face you. “so, _____. any of your friends single again?” 

you do your best to look sympathetic before shaking your head. yukhei splutters out a laugh while ten pats kunhang’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. 

“this would be a lot easier if you were, you know, into guys.” 

--

yukhei’s first kiss with you was, for him, a long time coming. 

it happened at the end of your fifth date, after a day spent at the park. 

summer had fully transitioned into fall and the weather was cool enough for the two of you to set up a picnic at a sunny spot. everything was perfect — from the calming sounds of nature to the desserts you both brought to the cute dress you wore underneath your sweater that matched the greenery around you.

more than a month had passed since yukhei first met you. with every date, the urge to hold your hands when you walked around in public and to kiss you and finally know what your lips tasted like kept growing. 

yukhei smiled as he watched you talk about your week even though he already heard these stories since you text each other so much. your words went in and out of his ears and it was hard for him to concentrate because all he could think of was whether you liked him too.

there were moments that made him consider it a possibility, like how you surprised him with his favourite snacks after one of his javelin practice sessions or the way you would smile when you caught him staring at your face.

he was torn between over-romanticising those moments and acknowledging them as the plain and simple fact that you liked him too.

he felt it again as the two of you watched the sun set and slowly sink into the horizon across the river, the sky dissolving into hues of orange. 

the scene in front of him was majestic, but yukhei could only concentrate on how close to him you and him were. so close that your arms were brushing against each other’s, so close that you could rest your head on his shoulder if you leaned a little. 

“i like this a lot.” you said out of the blue, your eyes still fixed on the sunset in the distance. you leaned back, anchoring your palms against the mat to make yourself comfortable.

“i like you a lot.” 

yukhei couldn’t stop himself. those words had been kept inside him for too long. 

silence hung in the air as your proximity grew tense. yukhei couldn’t see your face and he was starting to think that maybe it was for his own good. when he felt you sitting up straight and he held his breath, expecting the worst.

“i like you too.” your voice was barely audible and you sounded just as nervous as he did, but yukhei heard you loud and clear.

his eyes widened as he turned to you at the speed of light. you had been looking at him nervously but as soon as your eyes met, your gaze quickly flickered towards your hands that were fidgeting with the sleeve of your sweater. 

“really?” yukhei placed his hand over yours, gently circling the back of it with his thumb. “you like me… in that way?” 

“yeah.” you mumbled, resting your head in the nook between his neck and shoulder exactly how he had pictured in his mind earlier. “i like you. a lot.”

relief flooded yukhei’s veins and he could finally breathe hearing you say the words he had so badly wanted to hear. nothing else mattered in that moment, because all he could think of was you seeing him in the same light he saw you in. 

and suddenly, everything made sense to him. how could he be so stupid, after all that had happened in the past few weeks? the way you’d remember the little details of things he told you and how you’d blush at his terrible pick-up lines? of course you liked him too. 

“what are you thinking about?” you squeezed his hand as you pulled back to look at him. 

your face had never been so close to his. yukhei could count your eyelashes and have a proper look at your lips that looked soft and velvety. everything about this moment made it impossible for him to ignore what he had been dreaming of doing.

“can i kiss you?” yukhei asked.

all he could remember was how your eyes lit up instantly, every trace of worry fading away as an innocent smile graced your face. then you leaned in and closed your eyes just as he did, your lips meeting in a long awaited kiss. 

yukhei cupped the side of your face with one hand, his thumb drawing soothing circles over your cheekbones. he felt himself sink into the feeling of your fluffy lips moving languidly against his, the way they tasted sweet like the strawberry shortcakes you shared earlier. 

it took everything in yukhei to not whine when you pulled away to catch your breath, even though the kiss was probably longer than it should have been. he could still feel the butterflies in stomach as you pressed your forehead against his and he didn’t want them to fade away so soon, so he spoiled you with a few chaste kisses in a row that left both your lips tingling by the end.

“been wanting to do that for a long time.” yukhei beamed. 

he reached for your hand that had been on his knee and interlocked your fingers — a small gesture he could now make anytime he wanted, and that made him a very happy boy. 

the sun was almost gone but even under the dim fluorescent lighting from the street lamps, yukhei could tell that you were flushing and giddy with affection like him. the golden hour casted a warm orange glow onto your skin and you couldn’t look more like the girl of his dreams. 

“i know. me too.”

the butterflies in yukhei’s stomach fluttered wildly at the sound of your airy chuckle. there was nothing that could take away the smile on his face.

-- 

yukhei did not expect to wake up to the sight of you in nothing but his camo jacket.

the lack of body heat woke him up and he found himself once again lying alone in bed and wondering where you were — but all his thoughts flew out of the window when he heard the bedroom door creak and saw you stepping back in. 

he had to blink a few times to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him and that you were indeed, dressed only in his camo army jacket.

you’re standing beforeyour dresser to examine the love mark yukhei branded on your neck the night before, oblivious to how he’s silently observing you and getting hard again. 

there’s something about the way his jacket reaches your midthigh and teasingly moves upwards to offer him a glimpse of your ass each time you lifted your hands to run over your skin that turns him on so much. and he has seen you in his t-shirts and muscle tanks many times before, but none of that could compare to how you looked right now and he has no clue why so.

maybe it’s the consecutive months of being deprived of your touch and having to picture your body as he took cold showers to relieve himself on some mornings. but he doesn’t have to rely on his imagination now that you’re here, in front of him, like a present waiting to be unwrapped and appreciated.

yukhei lets out a whine that gets muffled into the pillow, but you hear it immediately and whirl around in surprise.

“hey.” you smile lazily as you make your way back to bed, landing on your knees and crawling towards him. 

yukhei’s eyes are glued to the gap between his unbuttoned jacket, which hangs loose enough on your body to bless him with the sight of your cleavage, the smooth expanse of your body, and as he lowers his gaze — your core between your parted thighs. 

he’s visibly infatuated, and you clearly don’t entertain that as you sit on where his crotch is beneath the sheets, lying down on him to give him a quick smooch. your lips are warm and taste like lemon, which tells yukhei you just had your morning mug of tea.

“morning,” yukhei mumbles, slipping a hand beneath his jacket to rest on your back. your skin is smooth and warm under his touch as always. “this looks so much better on you.” 

“yeah?” you chuckle softly. “hope you don’t mind, it was cold.”

“i don’t mind it at all,” yukhei smiles, raising his other hand to cup your cheek affectionately. “but i need you.”

“need you to warm me up, baby.” he says, his voice deepening with the next sentence. “want you to ride me in this.” 

you’re looking down at him in a hazy gaze when your breathing pauses. you don’t answer him with words — instead, you slot your lips between his, never pulling away as you get on your knees and pull the covers off. 

yukhei sighs into the kiss at the feeling of his cock standing tall and unrestrained, desperately begging for your attention. he lets out a heavier sigh as your hand wraps around his hard length and starts stroking him with purpose.

“just like that.” he groans, his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as his hips start thrusting into your grip. you line his jaw with kisses, making him feel pampered and content. 

“want you too.” you purr.

yukhei hears how needy you are and tightens his grip on your ass, but you’re already one step ahead of him. repositioning yourself, you let your slick folds slide against the length of his cock as you continue pumping him, lubricating him with your own arousal. 

the room is filled with desperate sighs. you’re grinding your clit over his tip when it becomes all too much for yukhei, who wants to be deep inside you already.

“baby,” yukhei mutters, squeezing your ass cheeks which elicits a loud gasp from you. “need to be in you now. please.”

the urgency in his voice prompts you to lean forward and stable yourself with a hand pressed to his chest. yukhei watches you guide his cock towards your opening before sinking onto him in one go. 

“fuck.” his throat goes dry at the feeling of your soaking walls enveloping all of him and his jaw slackens as he takes a few moments to appreciate how it feels to be buried in you.

“yukhei,” you whine. “it’s hot.”

he watches you shrug his jacket off, letting it hang past your shoulders in a teasing manner. at this point, he just wants to rip it off you. but all he manages is a guttural groan before running his hands up and down your thighs.

“you’re driving me insane, baby.”

you giggle softly at his words, the sound ringing in his ears and going straight to his cock.

“i love you.” you tell him sweetly and kiss him again. then you plant your hands flat against his lower abdomen where his abs are, lifting yourself off him until only his head is left stretching you open.

yukhei grunts when you drop back down slowly and start riding him at a hypnotic rhythm. he’s too overwhelmed to say a word, too entranced by your breathy moans and the lewd image of your chest rising and falling. 

you’re clenching around him in such a delicious way that all he can do is knead your asscheeks with his large hands and let out deep “uh-uh-uh”s. 

“fuck,” yukhei hisses as he watches you arch your back, moving you hips differently to get the perfect angle. 

“let me take over, baby.”

yukhei plants his feet flat on the mattress just as he feels a familiar tight feeling in his balls. you oblige right away and collapse against him, ready for him to fuck you senseless.

pressed chest to chest, he grips onto your ass firmly as he starts pounding into you from below. 

the scent of passion and desire wafted through the air. his cock leaves and enters you at a brutal pace, the sound of skin slapping only getting more erratic with your cries for his name right by his ear.

“yukhei…” you cry weakly as his tip nudges your sweet spot again and again. 

“i’m here, baby. gonna come inside you, you want that?” 

“y-yes. miss you filling me up.”

yukhei curses, and you reach your high just seconds before he does. your entire body shakes in pleasure before he comes into you, flooding your insides with his warm release. he groans as you ride out your high and roll your hips, the feeling of you being warm and full all too heavenly.

after a short while of nothing but heavy breathing as the both of you succumb to a blissful state, yukhei removes the jacket hanging off your elbows and rolls you over with his softening cock still snug in you. he hums in satisfaction, nuzzling his face against your neck as your fingers comb through his hair. 

“i love you.” yukhei sighs contentedly. “didn’t get to say it back just now.”

he hears you hum softly and feels a peck on his forehead. when he gains the energy to pull back and look at you, he finds your eyes already on him, half-open in adoration. 

“i’ll clean us up, okay?” yukhei asks softly, his elbows pressing against the mattress as he moves to get up. he’s sure there’s already a mess on your sheets. 

“no, don’t go.” you murmured, tightening your thighs around his hips in an attempt to lock him in place. you end up pushing him deeper into you instead, making him hiss. “stay like this for a bit.” 

yukhei notes the clinginess in your voice and the way your hands trace love patterns along the curves of his back. he lies back down, joining your lips in a deep kiss. 

“i’m not going anywhere.”

it’s so easy for him to do whatever you say, he realises. you have him wrapped around your finger because you’re just as clingy as he is — and only he gets to see that side of you.

--

yukhei had sex with you for the first time in a hotel overlooking the ocean. 

it had been his first holiday with you. every december, yukhei would fly back to his mum’s hometown in thailand with his family to visit his relatives — that wasn’t anything new. what was new though, was you tagging along after his mum had enthusiastically asked you to join them. 

the week-long trip was the most fun yukhei had in years. minus the shy introductions and teasing from his relatives who were overjoyed to finally meet his pretty girlfriend whom they’ve heard much about over phone calls, it was like a mini honeymoon for the two of you. 

after catching up with his cousins in the first half of the trip, yukhei spent all the other days ‘having fun by yourselves’ as his mum had insisted. you ended up exploring the coastal town, hanging out at the beach, and eating the local food to your heart’s content.

the highlight of the trip for yukhei though, was finally being able to make love to you. the resort stay was a godsend opportunity after the many interruptions during your steamy makeout sessions in yukhei’s tiny bedroom. it was the perfect time and place that you both needed.

yukhei swore you were a goddess as you laid on the bed with your legs spread out, your hair fanned out against the pillows, patiently waiting for him to put the condom on. 

it was his first time seeing all of you, your curves and body marks displayed to him like a work of art in a museum. he couldn’t look away, couldn’t ignore how rosy your face was from coming apart on his fingers just minutes earlier.

“is this okay?” yukhei asked tenderly, pausing when he stretched you out halfway. “can i go deeper, baby?” 

you nodded fervently though the tense look on your face made yukhei unsure. he really wanted you to enjoy this too. sensing his hesitation, you pulled him down for a deep kiss. 

“so tight, fuck—” yukhei mumbles against your lips as he pushed himself further into you, his hands caressing the underside of your thighs.

yukhei sighed, the pressure to not come quickly making him slightly nervous. it was difficult not to when your walls were warm and hugging his cock like a glove, letting him experience euphoria like never before. 

“beautiful.” his voice gentle as he gave you an open-mouthed kiss. “all mine.” 

as soon as you signalled for him to move, yukhei took charge, thrusting into you slowly as he gauged your reaction. his pace quickened after a while a combination of sighs and moans spilled from your mouth. your neck arched against the pillows, presenting him with the perfect location for a love mark. 

but yukhei was distracted. he couldn’t take his eyes off your soaking core, couldn’t get over the way you stretched open to welcome him each time his cock slid all the way back in. he had seen his fingers disappear in you before so many times, but this image was incomparable. 

“so deep,” you said breathlessly, your fingernails digging crescent moons into his back. 

yukhei looked at you. from the hair that stuck to the side of your neck to your lashes fluttered shut in pleasure, you were a sight to behold. 

“yeah?” he kissed you sloppily. “does it feel good?”

“yes—oh!” you whimpered just as yukhei’s fingertips landed on the sensitive bundle of nerves right above where you and him were connected. 

he drew circles on it with his thumb, groaning when you clenched around him. “you feel so good around me too, baby. you’re doing so well.”

yukhei’s thrusts grew uneven as he coaxed you into your orgasm. by the time he shot his release into the rubber, you came undone beneath him too, crying out in rapture one last time as your thighs shook intensely. 

a moment of silence hung in the air as your pants slowly faded into deep and slow inhalations. seeing you come all over him, because of him, gave yukhei’s ego a huge boost. it didn’t help that you were trembling in sensitivity while he cleaned you up as gently as he could and muttered praises into your ear.

“yukhei,” you called him softly and he halted his movements, worried that he had accidentally hurt you. 

“i don’t know if i can go out tomorrow.” you mumbled, covering your eyes with the back of your hand. 

yukhei instantly relaxed, a smirk taking over his face as he threw the wet wipes aside.  “we don’t have to go out, but i can carry you wherever you like.”

when you didn’t respond, he crawled over you and pulled your hand away. you avoided his gaze, looking at his chest instead. 

“i’m serious, baby.” yukhei tilted your chin up and looked into your eyes as genuinely as he could. “we can stay in all day if you want.”

“okay. sounds nice.” your hand quickly hovered over your face again. 

the smirk on yukhei’s face softened into a smile. it was amusing and adorable to him, how you could still be this shy after the night’s events. he felt as if he was in heaven and within the next second, he was placing kisses everywhere on your face but your lips. when you broke into a fit of giggles, yukhei couldn’t help but keep going. he finally stopped when your hands framed his jaw, guiding his plump lips back to yours for a short, innocent kiss. 

“thank you for being so patient with me tonight.” you paused, swallowing a lump down your throat. “it was nice even though i’m a little sore now.”

yukhei’s heart grew three times at your words.

“is that all? just nice?” he smirked. 

you pinched his bicep playfully and hid your face again, muttering something about him being so annoying. 

“i’m playing with you,” yukhei giggled, pretty sure he had hearts in his eyes as he looked at you. “love seeing you get all shy for me like this.” and with that, he pulled your hands apart and trapped them against the pillows. 

just as he was about to kiss away the pout on your lips, the sound of a door slamming shut thundered down the hallway and echoed in the room, sending both of you into speechlessness. 

yukhei put his boxers on hurriedly, rushing to the balcony and sighing in relief when he noticed the lights in the next room a distance away had just turned on — a sign that his parents, who had been out the entire evening, have just gotten back. at that moment, he couldn’t be more thankful that his plans for the night turned out well. he wouldn’t know how to face his parents if they overheard him and you, and just the sheer thought of it brought goosebumps to his arms.

“are they back?” you asked nervously, pulling the covers up to your chin.

yukhei nodded, turning the bedside lamp off before cuddling up to you. “we have to be quiet.”

“oh, we will be.” you yawned, making him smile and hug you more tightly. you responded by wiggling around in his embrace. “yukhei, i’m sticky.” 

“don’t care.” he whispered against your skin. “just wanna hold my baby like this.” 

after a few more indulgent kisses and sweet nothings were exchanged under the moonlight, you dozed off in each other’s arms.

the next morning, yukhei woke up to the sound of waves crashing onto the shore. you were already awake and sitting up with the covers wrapped around you as you silently admired the swaying palm trees outside. yukhei sat up sluggishly, planting a kiss on your shoulder. 

you turned around to return a kiss to his lips, eyes still closed when you pulled away, the intimacy of last night clearly still in the air. you opened your eyes, looking completely lost in him just like he was in you.

“good morning to you too.”

the rest of the day was slow and relaxed. you both agreed to stay in the resort, and so the afternoon flew by as you lounged by the pool and dined at the restaurant next to the beach. safe to say, the sight of you in a bikini all day led to another intimate, even raunchier night. 

--

yukhei thinks he’s ready to move in with you.

maybe it sounds a little impulsive. but that’s because there haven’t been a lot of opportunities for the two of you to live together, with yukhei studying at another university and you living in a shared apartment over the past few years. 

but staying at your apartment over these few days has given yukhei a sneak peek of life under the same roof as you, and he loves it so much that he wants to be done with his enlistment duties and fast forward to the part where he gets to share a home with you already.

yukhei wants to wake up past noon on weekends and whip up a hearty brunch with you, wants to spend the rest of the day helping you with mundane tasks like laundry and watering all your plants.

yukhei wants to be there for you on days where you’re exhausted from grad school life, when you turn down his pleas for you to take a break despite being drained from staring at your laptop screen. but he’ll massage your tensed shoulders, take your glasses off, and pull you to bed where you doze off to his soothing back rubs and soft praises of how proud of you he is and how well you’re doing.

he craves that kind of domesticity even right now as you lay on top of him, your limbs entangled comfortably and your cheek squished against his chest while your eyes are glued to the great gatsby playing on the tv.

there aren’t any plans to go out today due to the simple fact that you were both too lazy to get dressed and leave the house unless it’s for food. and probably because, though you wouldn’t admit it openly, you want him all to yourself — which is fine because yukhei feels the exact same towards you. 

the living room is hushed as you and him watch a drenched gatsby reunite with daisy in a lavishly decorated flower-filled cottage. you sit up just as the scene ends, elbowing the couch as you rest your chin on your palm.

“why are you looking at me like that?” yukhei asks. there’s an unsure look on your face that he can’t quite read.

“i think i remember.” you hold your other hand up, flashing the ring that has been making you so happy. “thailand?”

yukhei grins brightly, the top row of his teeth showing. he nods proudly, taking your hand in his to look at the ring — a thin gold band with a pale blue sapphire — and admire the way it gleams in the afternoon sunlight. 

it’s just as beautiful as the first time he saw it in that gift shop in thailand. 

yukhei remembers that day vividly. it was the last day of the trip, and both of you were shopping around for souvenirs for your friends back home. he caught you admiring a few vintage jewellery pieces by yourself as he stood in the corner of one of the many shops you stepped into that day, pretending to be interested in some touristy postcards. though it didn’t seem like much to him at first, he later noticed that you picked up the same ring a few times, looking back at it even as you walked away. 

eventually, thanks to what he could say in his broken thai, he managed to charm the shop owner into reserving that very ring for him. yukhei secretly returned for them while you thought you were waiting for him to be done in the bathroom at a cafe. he felt a little bad at first, but he knew it had to be done or else he’d regret it so much in the years to come. 

yukhei always imagined what the ring would look like on your finger. its design enthralled him when he first examined it up close and he quickly understood why you took such a liking to it — after all, anything vintage was right up your alley. little did he know it would look even more beautiful sitting on your ring finger. 

“oh my god.” you let out a huff of disbelief as soon as he finishes explaining everything. 

you’re speechless as your eyes flick back and forth between the ring and the coy look on yukhei’s face. this is the reaction he has been waiting for. 

“yukhei.” your voice is fragile, like you’re about to cry any moment. 

the smirk on yukhei’s face drops immediately. he does not like hearing his name from you like that. 

“what’s wrong?” 

“nothing,” you smile weakly, quickly brushing away the tears that escaped your eyes with the back of your hand. “i just love you so much.”

“and i’m going to miss you. a lot.” you continue before he gets to reply. “every day. all over again. i miss you already.” 

“oh, baby.” yukhei croons as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you down for a tight hug. he rubs your back, feeling helpless at the sound of your sniffles. 

yukhei knew this would happen. of course he did. he’s struggling just as much as you are to ignore the impending distance you’ll both have to deal with again — maybe that’s why he was clinging onto the idea of a future with you so tightly. 

“we’ve talked about this. the sooner the better, right? ” yukhei says sadly, finding it hard to agree with himself.

“i know, i’m just being emotional again. i’m sorry.” you chuckle unhumorously. “i didn’t think i’d get to see you before the year ends, you know? but you came back. you’re actually here and i’m so happy.” 

“and,” you prop your arm up on his chest, the promise ring once again in yukhei’s view. a moment passes as the two of you stare at it — the symbol of your love and future.

“i love you so much. i want to live the rest of my life with you, like the past few days.” you say resolutely.

yukhei is overwhelmed with happiness, love, and nostalgia all at once. suddenly he’s transported back to that park where you first kissed as teenagers, where he first found out that you liked him too. but loving someone and knowing that they love you back so much so that they want to be with you forever is something so much more special. it’s a privilege yukhei never thought he’d have. 

and now, he does. as he looks into your eyes, he realises that you’ve blessed him with that privilege, and that you’re truly the best thing that has ever happened to him. 

yukhei finds himself unable to express in words just how he feels at this moment. so he shifts your bodies around until you’re lying side by side, until all he sees is your face up close. he cups your tear-streaked cheeks before softly brushing his lips against yours, sinking in the warmth that blossoms in his chest. 

“i love you.” he says delicately when he pulls away, tugging a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “i’m so glad the universe chose you for me.” 

the fond smile on your face falters as a tear rolls down your cheek and your bottom lip begin to quiver, the violins playing in the long-forgotten movie adding more melancholy than needed to this moment. 

yukhei’s heart breaks as he watches you avoid his gaze and desperately blink away the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. but he knows that you two will make it, that the distance is merely temporary. and he knows you know it too. what you and him have is so strong. 

“hey, look at me.” he whispers.

you turn towards him, your eyes curiously examining his face.

“i’m gonna come home. to you.” yukhei places a kiss on your forehead. “and it won’t be long. think about it baby, i’ll be out this time next year and we could be living together by then.”

“i can’t wait for that.”

“me too. you’ll get to wake up next to me everyday, but you’ll have to teach me how to not burn our pancakes for breakfast until they’re perfect.”

at last, the corners of your lips twitch and you chuckle into the sleeve of your sweater. 

“how does that sound?”

“waking up to you everyday or the pancakes?”

“me coming home. and us living together.”

“like a dream come true.”

a moment passes as you smile at each other in a placid silence. 

yukhei cups the side of your face with one hand, brushing over your cheekbone and memorising every little detail that adorned your face and made him feel at home no matter where he is. you lean into his touch, reveling in the warmth of his palm. 

the fact that he only has one more day until he will have to wait months before he gets to be with you like this again makes his heart swell in longing. so he holds you close, enjoying the moment while he still can. 

-- 

the first time yukhei told you he loved you, it was an accident — not really. 

that morning, he was awoken by a ball of fur nuzzling against his bare shoulder.

he opened his eyes, looking around the room for a good minute before spotting a familiar siamese cat that was perched at the foot of the bed and observing him with its soft gloomy eyes like it had been waiting for him to wake up for the longest time. 

“good morning, louis.” 

the cat meowed once as if announcing its disappointment in yukhei before hopping off the bed and making its grand exit by squeezing through the slim door gap.

yukhei shrugged, reaching for his phone that had been charging on the nightstand right by the bed. a quick look at the time and date on his lock screen refreshed his memory, vaguely reminding him of the events of the night before. 

he crashed against the mattress and let out a muffled groan into the pillows, shuddering at the thought of how much alcohol he had downed. he was absolutely regretting his idea of not having a birthday party, but instead an entire night of drinking to celebrate turning his legal age. 

his final hours of being seventeen were fun, though. ten, kunhang, and a couple of other friends brought him to an upscale steakhouse located in the city’s nightlife district. but like every other boys’ night out, the night eventually descended into borderline chaos. in last night’s case, they went through too many rounds of drinking games and yukhei soon came to the realisation that he was the type to get all giggly and sappy when intoxicated. 

yukhei threw the covers over himself and ignored the dryness in his throat, ready to slip back into slumber but he couldn’t. something felt off. he grabbed his phone again and there you were, smiling back at him in his lockscreen wallpaper. 

oh no.

flashbacks of how he had asked for you last night and proudly claimed that you were “the one” for him came running back to him. he quickly unlocked his phone, checking his text messages. 

[to: ♥][sent at 1:55AM]

hey baaby

baby

i miss u ;(

ii'm still with ten and. kunhang

he mahde me drink so muhch hheheehe

babyy reply me plz 

i can seee u readin all of thiks :(

i miss You

[from: ♥][sent at 1:56AM]

oh my god yukhei

are you okay?

wru now???

[to: ♥][sent at 1:58AM]

hi bab

im OK

at tens place now…

he has 2 catss. theyre so Cute 

anyway 

i need to tell u sometxhing

its rneally imbportant

and that is i love u 

u make me so happi

u r so pretttyjf n soooo smart

ur alsoreally kind.. lwiterally an angel

hdeheheheheheee

im so lucky to be youre boyfrjend

becayuse i get to see Ur smile everyyday. hold your hand whenegver i want

onlyi can call u Baby

did u know ? 

i bet u djd not ;)

i l o v e LOVE you 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[incoming call from: ♥] 

declined.

[incoming call from: ♥] 

declined.

[from: ♥][sent at 2:00AM]

why aren’t you picking up yukhei

you’re making me worried now

are you okay :( 

[to: ♥][sent at 2:15AM]

hey _____, ten here. don’t worry about xuxi! he just passed out on my couch. 

[attachment: 1 image]

i’m just gonna let him crash here tonight since my parents aren’t back anyway. feel free to pop by in the morning btw, i think he would be really happy. and sorry for texting you at this hour!! goodnight :D

yukhei stared at his phone screen blankly, the jumbled letters of his drunk texts burning into his eyes. there was also that picture of him sprawled across the leather couch in ten’s living room in deep slumber, with his shirt completely unbuttoned and a party hat strapped to his forehead like a unicorn.

“morning, birthday boy.” 

yukhei’s heart jumped. he jammed his thumb against the button on the side of his phone, turning around to find ten’s head poking out of the door. 

“how are you feeling?” ten asked. yukhei sat up immediately when he saw a glass of water in his friend’s hand. “like shit, i’m guessing.”

ten sat himself down at the foot of the bed, handing the water to an eager yukhei who gulps it all at one go.

“close enough. i feel like i’ve been run over by a bus.” yukhei replied, coughing to clear the raspiness in his voice. 

ten hummed. “well, your girl came over with a lot of food. i think you’ll feel better after eating.” 

yukhei’s eyes widened, his voice lowering into a whisper. “she’s here? now?”

“sort of. she went out to get coffee with guanheng but they should be back soon.” ten narrowed his eyes at yukhei, trying to read the look on his face. “what’s wrong?” 

“nothing.” 

“uh huh.” ten snorted. “you suck at lying.” 

“okay, fine. i might have spammed her with some texts last night while i was wasted.”

“oh yeah, i saw those. you were crying for her for at least thirty minutes last night by the way.”

“fuck.” yukhei let out a groan. “let’s not talk about that. not now please, ten-ge.” 

“okay, okay.” ten smirked. “only because it’s your birthday. now, continue.”

“i told her i love her. like, love love her.” 

“oh.” ten paused, his expression fading into one of confusion. “wait, i don’t get it. is that a bad thing?” 

“no, no. it’s not.” yukhei cut in quickly, glancing at the door every few seconds nervously. “it’s just—i haven’t told her that before!” he whisper-shouted. 

“i don’t know how she reacted to it! what if she doesn’t feel the same?”

ten burst into laughter right away, his eyes squinting into crescents. “oh, xuxi. you’re so cute when you’re in love, you know?” 

“i really don’t think you have to worry about her not feeling the same. but i do think you should go tell her in person soon.” 

yukhei blinked, relaxing a little when he realised that ten was probably right. the older male grinned, ruffling yukhei’s bed hair playfully before leaving the room. 

in less than five minutes the door swung open again, and yukhei tensed a little when he saw you, almost as if he had seen a ghost. he didn’t realise you were back already and had been planning to sit in anxiety by himself for thirty more minutes.

“you okay?” you chuckled as you walked over and sat next to him. 

yukhei hummed as you cradled the side of his face with one hand, your thumb smoothing away the drool crust on the corner of his lips that he didn’t even realise had been there. 

“someone clearly had a lot of fun last night.”

yukhei’s lips curled into a silly, crooked smile as you crossed your arms and pouted. your attempt at guilt-tripping him had failed completely, it endeared you instead and suddenly he felt like his drunk self bombarding you with all those confessions last night. 

your lips eventually cracked into a huge grin. you threw your arms around his shoulders, doing your best to engulf his big frame in a tight hug which made yukhei chuckle. he loved it whenever you hugged him like that or let him be the small spoon when you cuddled.

“happy birthday bub.” you coo dearly, giving each of his cheeks a loud smooch which made his face scrunch up adorably. “are you sure you’re okay?” 

“thank you, baby.” yukhei smiled, his mind completely free from his worries already. “i’m okay, just a little hungry.”

“well, it just so happens that there are loads of yummy things waiting outside. maybe even some of your favourite desserts.” you smirked enticingly as you grabbed his hand and stood up. “c’mon, let’s go eat.” 

“wait.” yukhei’s breathing stuttered, pulling you back quickly. “i need to tell you something.”

you moved into the spot between his legs, waiting for him to say something as your hands hung in the air intertwined.

“what is it?” you asked.

yukhei looked up at you, taking in the curious smile on your face. it brought so much joy and warmth to his life and he could never get tired of seeing that.

“i love you.” yukhei said, each word rolling off his tongue so naturally. “all those texts i sent you last night? i meant every single word. i love you, _____.” 

your eyes were glossy as you relaxed a little, sinking into his touch when he clasped his arms around your thighs to pull you closer. yukhei could tell you were recalling all those cheesy texts as you bit your lip shyly.

he closed his eyes just as you bent down to slot your lips against his in the most delicate way possible before whispering those three words back, as if they were only for him to hear. 

“i love you too, yukhei. you make me so happy.” 

“say it again.” yukhei asked, his voice laced with desperation even though he knew it was the first of many ‘i love you’s to come. 

your cheek was soft and warm in the palm of his hand. you grinned, closing the distance between your lips once more.

“i love you.”

it was the best birthday gift yukhei had ever received.

--

as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. 

in yukhei’s case, the past five days have flown by quickly and alas, it is the penultimate day of his short vacation. 

but he’s more than satisfied with how the week has gone by despite how short it felt. he managed to visit his family, catch up with his closest friends, recover all the hours of sleep he had lost while on duty, and most importantly, be around you literally every day of this vacation so far. he woke up and slept next to you, cooked and ate all his favourite foods with you, and interrupted every other activity with sex and cuddling sessions — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. just looking back on those moments brought a smile to his face. 

his thoughts are interrupted when the door to your bedroom opens and you walk in with a small stack of laundry in one hand. 

”thank you baby.” he says, taking the clothes he had worn in the past few days, that are now clean, from you. they’re still warm from being fresh out of the dryer, and he gets a whiff of roses when he holds them under his nose. 

“you’re very welcome.” you plop down right next to where he had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, packing his belongings. 

as yukhei stuffs his sneakers deep into the bottom of his haversack, you look at all his other things that have been laid out neatly, side-by-side, on your bedroom rug. he doesn’t pay much attention as you pick up his wallet and entertain yourself with its contents.

“is this what i think it is?” 

you ask, pulling out a small folded piece of paper that was stuffed into one of the card compartments. the look of curiosity on your face morphs into one of surprise as soon as you unfold it completely and realise what it is.

“you keep this in your wallet?”

it’s one of the few handwritten letters you mailed to him during his first month in camp when he, like every one of his teammates, had zero access to their phones and gadgets. 

yukhei still remembers how tough that period of time was. being thrown into a whole new environment and expected to adjust to a lifestyle that was the complete opposite of university life was not easy at all. not only was his freedom snatched away, he had to deal with a long list of strict rules and responsibilities dumped onto him. and as if all that wasn’t enough, he had to witness his newly-made friends live through the countless military break-up horror stories he heard from his seniors.

it was a lot, but he got through each day thanks to the camaraderie he shared with his team and those letters you had mailed him, since they were the only form of communication he had with you. 

“yeah. it got me through some tough times, you know.” yukhei admits, watching you read through your own words. 

each letter was detailed with updates on your life and things his mum told you to convey to him. they all ended with a short paragraph of best wishes and sweet words which yukhei appreciated very much because he was absolutely sick of hearing about duty and honour.

yukhei had no idea he was so sentimental. he’d reread those letters in your voice, stare at your handwriting, and hold it up to his nose to get the faint scent of your perfume. it was like a piece of you — which was what he needed to fight the homesickness gnawing at him. 

“maybe you should write to me.” you mumble, refusing to look at him as you slid the letter back into his wallet. “i mean, if you’re not too busy. i would love getting mail from you even though we can text and facetime now.”

“i’ll try to, baby.” yukhei smirks. “my good morning and goodnight texts not enough for you?” 

“no,” you drawl, rolling your eyes playfully. “i love waking up to a bunch of heart and rose emojis.” 

yukhei laughs, going back to packing his things while you roll his clothes into bundles that would help him save space. after a short while of teamwork between you two, his haversack is stuffed and he’s done.

“don’t forget these,” you hand him his leather glasses case that had been sitting on your bedside table. then you’re on your feet, pacing around the room as your eyes scan every inch of the space, looking out for anything he might’ve missed. 

“i’ve looked everywhere earlier.” yukhei tells you before getting on his feet too. he stretches his arms high above him and lets out a silent yawn. “i think that’s it.”

“okay.” you answer in a small voice. 

now that you’re done helping him pack, there’s just one last thing left to do and it just happens to be the hardest task of all — you’ll have to say goodbye to him this time, tomorrow, at the train station.

that realisation settles between the two of you, once again compelling yukhei to make the most out of the time he has left. with a sad smile he holds his arms out, instantly drawing you into his embrace like a moth of a flame. you squish your cheek against him, hands locked behind his back as he hugs you warm and securely. 

“you need to stop working out so much, your abs are hard enough.” your voice comes out slightly muffled. “by the time you’re out, i’m gonna be hugging a rock.” 

yukhei grins at your words, bursting into full-blown giggles when your fingers poke into his sides and smooth across his tummy. the faint muscle lines that were there before he enlisted were now more defined, some even visible through the cotton fabric of his t-shirt. 

“you say that like i have a choice, baby.” he replies. “i can’t just sit aside while everyone else does seventy push-ups and ten laps around the field.”

you let out a disgruntled noise and hugged him even tighter, as if you were trying to mold your body into his. 

“and you like it. admit it.” yukhei teases. 

“i do.” you murmur. “you smell so good, by the way.” 

yukhei giggles at how quickly you switched the topic.

“it’s that detergent you’re using. i wish my clothes smelled this nice when i’m there.” 

“i’m talking about you, bub. the way you smell. my hoodie doesn’t smell like that anymore.” 

“the way i smell?” yukhei laughs. “and i think you mean my hoodie.” 

“it’s been mine for a while now.”

“well, wanna give it back to me? since it lost its purpose.” 

“okay. i’ll trade it for this shirt.” 

you tug on the hem of his shirt as you look up at him, eagerly waiting for his response. it’s moments like this where yukhei wonders if you know you have him in the palm of your hand.

“whatever you want, baby. i’ll give it to you.”

the lovestruck smile on his face widens as he places a kiss on your forehead, drawing circles on your back. 

“can i have it now then?” you ask innocently, but yukhei’s ears pick up the hint of playfulness in your tone. 

“right now?” he asks.

“yeah. what’s stopping you?”

“oh, i’ll give it to you now.” yukhei tells you lowly.

the cheeky smile on your face morphs into an ‘o’ shape as his grip on your waist tightens, guiding you towards the bed where you both crash against the mattress. there’s a moment of silence as he hovers over you, suavely tugging his shirt off with one hand and dropping the crumpled fabric next to your face. 

“thanks.” you whisper.

it’s hard to ignore the way your core is perfectly aligned with his when you’re lying underneath him in a hoodie and a pair of grey boyshorts that have been testing his patience for a while now.

yukhei runs his hands up your thighs to your sides, bunching the hoodie up to your chest. wet open-mouthed kisses are left all over the smooth expanse of your tummy and he takes delight in how hard you’re breathing.

“it’s no problem, baby.” he replies nonchalantly, his fingers pulling at the waistband of your boyshorts. “anything else you want before i take this off?”

you shake your head and shoot him a silly smile, and it’s all yukhei can remember before he embarks on yet another mission to please you with his mouth. then he makes love to you again, his warm touch roaming every inch of your body which he memorises to perfection. 

later, when you’re both sated and holding onto each other like two long-lost lovers, yukhei dreams of you again. this time, he’s hiding another velvet box in an even bigger bouquet of roses as he sits nervously in a dimly lit living room, waiting to surprise you when you get home. 

the thought of you being his forever is enough to make him smile in reality, enough to push him through the upcoming months of separation. yukhei was more than ready to be done with that. 

--

it’s only been a minute since you’ve gotten home but the place already feels too big for one person — which is laughable because your apartment isn’t even that huge to begin with. now that yukhei is gone, it feels as if life has been sucked out of these four walls. it has reverted back to nothing more than a roof over your head and a living space for one.

after hanging your coat up and stepping out of your shoes, you stroll to the kitchen and lean against the counter, staring into thin air with the refrigerator whirring softly behind you.

even though it’s only three in the afternoon, it has been an awfully long day for you. the few hours you spent outside drained you and all you did was sit at a restaurant with yukhei and his family for one last meal before sending him off at the train terminal. 

the meal was nice and the send-off was not as bad as you thought it would be. but it was still an emotional farewell and you shed a few tears despite it being nowhere as difficult as the first time he had to leave you. 

you and yukhei stood at the train platform hand in hand until the train finally arrived and came to a stop in front of everyone. 

you let ten and kun attack your boyfriend with their bro hugs first, followed by mrs wong who affectionately caressed her son’s face and repeated her fifth “take care of yourself, my little soldier boy” of the day, and lastly, a less-emotional mr wong who gave his son a few encouraging pats on the back.

looking around, you were filled with dread as you watched the same thing happen with every other soldier who was hugging their loved ones and waving goodbye to them.

when everyone left and when it was just you and him again, yukhei instantly pulled you into his arms, clearly just as reluctant as you are to face this moment.

this was it.

he pulled back, cupping your cheeks and smiling at you forlornly. you stared back at him, taking in how smart he looked in his uniform and the beret framing his beautifully sunkissed face, and mustered all the strength in you to not cry. 

it was impossible. tears swelled in your eyes within seconds and you couldn’t help it, the harder you tried to force them away, the more they wanted to spill out. you silently chided yourself for how naive you were to have wished for a tear-free farewell.

“don’t cry, baby.” yukhei pleaded softly, his big eyes looking watery too. “remember what i said?”

you swiped your tears away with the sleeve of your turtleneck and nodded frantically, not trusting your voice at the moment. 

“i’m gonna come home to you. we’re going to live our lives together.”

his voice was soft yet grounded with conviction, calming you down instantly and offering you the consolation you needed. 

“i’ll be waiting for you.” your voice croaked and you rolled your eyes at how pathetic it sounded.

“i know you’ll be.” yukhei smiled, gently stroking your back. “and you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.” 

“something else i get to look forward to.” 

you tightened your arms around him, closing your eyes to really savour what it felt like to be in his arms one last time before forcing yourself to let go. 

yukhei interlocked your hand with his, pressing a kiss to the back of it and stealing a glance at your favourite ring.

“i love you so much.” you said, adjusting the collar of his uniform thoughtfully. “eat well and be safe, okay? don’t worry about me. you know you can call me—”

he intercepted you with a long kiss to your lips, letting go only when you pinched his arm. unlike him, you weren’t bold enough to be this affectionate in public. 

“i will.” yukhei answered breathlessly. “promise me you’ll sleep early and not overwork yourself while i’m away. i need you to take care of yourself too.” 

“i promise.” you mumbled, locking your pinky with his as you looked around anxiously. “you should get going now. don’t want you missing your train.” 

he squeezed your hand to bring your attention back to him. “i love you.” 

“love you too.”

and with a final kiss to your lips, his hand loosened from yours, reaching for his haversack on the ground and swinging it over his shoulder in one go. 

“text me once you’ve settled down?”  

“i will, baby.” 

after one last peck to your forehead, he turned around and trudged towards the edge of the train platform, where kunhang had been taking pictures with his sisters while waiting. you stood rooted to the ground as you watched your boyfriend’s figure become smaller, waving at him when he turned around to look at you one final time before getting onto the train. 

ten and kun kindly gave you a lift home afterwards. you nearly teared up again when you walked past the parking lot and spotted the two of them patiently waiting for you in the comfort of their heated car. on the way home, they even made dinner plans and insisted you didn’t spend the rest of the day alone — which you were extremely grateful for. 

you still have a few hours to yourself before meeting them, and it dawns on you that you should probably take a short nap after the sad amount of sleep you got last night. so you force yourself to stop moping and drag yourself to your bedroom to find a comfy set of clothes.

you spend what feels like hours under the hot shower that by the time you step out of the steamy bathroom, the skin of your fingers are wrinkly. just as you start combing your hair, your phone buzzes, its screen lighting up to show you a single notification. 

you whisk it off the table, gaping at the sight of yukhei’s name staring back at you. 

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

hey baby i miss you ♥

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

miss you too :(

you guys back there already?

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

we’re still on the train

i didn’t get to nap. kunhang snored so loudly :(

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

poor baby… 

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM] 

it’s fine

your boyfriend is a strong man. a day without a nap is nothing :D

you snort at his reply. the typing icon appears next to his name so you wait for his next text. 

[from: yukhei][sent as 4:12PM]

anyway, i left a surprise in your desk drawer for you

i think you already know what it is ;)

you don’t. 

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:12PM]

i hope you like it baby ♥ 

you never know what to expect from yukhei because he’s always surprising you with the sweetest, most meaningful gestures. even the story behind your promise ring has you in wonder still. when you pull open the drawer and realise just what he had left for you, a huge grin spreads across your face and you take a second to appreciate the sight of it. he was truly something else.

there, carefully placed on top of the paperwork you had kept in the drawer, is an envelope with your name on it.

“yeah. you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.” 

you reach for it, immediately peeping inside when you notice it’s unsealed. there was indeed a letter as yukhei had promised. you recognize the lined paper that he clearly tore off from one of your notebooks and assume he wrote this secretly while you were sleeping. the mental image of that melts your heart. 

to _____, my favourite girl in the world.

i have been staring at this blank piece of paper for ten minutes now while you’re sleeping so peacefully. i still don’t know what i should write for my first letter, so here’s an old-fashioned love letter from your admirer for life, your boyfriend, and your future husband: me <3 

you giggle to yourself like an idiot. it’s funny how a single paragraph could switch your mood instantly, how yukhei manages to make you happy even though he’s so far away now. 

was that too cheesy? i’m sorry. you know i’m not a poetic person even though i wish i am. you’ll probably laugh as you read on but that’s okay, because i want you to be happy whenever you read this. 

so where should i begin? 

how about the first time we met? when i saw you sitting at the back of mum’s restaurant, i had butterflies in my stomach (is this how that phrase goes?) and quickly hid in the kitchen. do you remember? 

the smile on your face grew as you continued reading yukhei’s letter. it spoke of the vivid details of all your firsts in your relationship, of the little habits you have that he adores. of the warmth and safeness he feels when he’s around you, of how in awe and inspired he is by you — and how lucky he is to get to experience all that for the past few years and hopefully, the rest of his life. 

by the time you reach the end, you’re laughing and crying. you miss him so much.

i love you, _____. nothing else matters. you’re the light of my life and i hope i can keep making you feel the way you make me feel: safe, happy, and loved. 

until we meet again,

wong yukhei

p.s. i hope you’re not crying. and if you are i really hope it’s because i made you laugh too much. 

you reread the letter again, letting his voice linger in your head for a bit because you’re not ready to let it go yet. then you laid on the bed for a good fifteen minutes as you stared at the ceiling with his letter clasped to your chest, yearning for his presence all over again. 

it’s going to be fine, you tell yourself. you can handle a few months without him. after all, you already have. and he’s never completely away from you, you realise, as you hold your hand up and admire the gorgeous ring shining in the afternoon sunlight. 

for now, that’ll do. 

--

[captainkurosolaire]

~ Mass Update ~

Mainly going into future plans and intents alongside ideas below cut.

Ton's of things I've in store this will prove difficult to vent it all out. But here we go... First off rehashing and appropriately learning to tag and organize things better on my blog. Each category will have their own corresponding content, I seek to bring or share. [Tales of Goldbrand] -- I intend this to carry a Compendium of all my writes soon that'll have everything neatly in-order including a glossary, so it'll have highlights of stories that even matter or the best stuff. I've written here for a very, long time, there's been many shifts. I want to make it more accessible. While coloring what matters for people who want to learn Captain or his Crew with less chapters. While also giving choice to find it all easily. This is essentially a step-above master-lists. I'll be doing that after the Saga I have going on, right now is done. [Captain] -- Will provide you strictly with Captain screenshots, gifs, photo-sets. This is still his blog despite the Crew thing's will sort of make this a scuffed Multi-Muse blog. I've few more things to edit and tag fix to get all his stuff though. [The Wild Crew] -- Afterwards this story is done Immortal Age Saga, It's something that I mainly wrote as a passion project within three days to get my warm-up process fixed. It's to allow me to get a feel for all his Crewmates and casts, in combat, in-general, to feel their presences. While also giving a bit of their backstories. At any point, I can go back and polish or tweak things in. They're NPC's but... not entirely. All will have their own 'Dreams' and their own 'Disapproval's' they have their own missions even. These things will factor eventually, they might set seeds, to betray or disagree with something, but that's all angst and more stories to be created, but overall, they'll probably always be Crew, eventually. -- I plan on making character-profile sheets of them and putting them in this Tab, it'll have their screenshots, their likes/dislikes. Some RP partners or people can also be shipped with them, but they'll all be monogamous and originally start off probably Pan. This allows them to figure out what they like on their own stories. I've always been someone who likes organic-flow. Although this one story contain all 16 characters or more, the rest will probably be shortened to a Squad of 4 and dispersed when on adventuring missions. Until I do a War Arc, that's my main goal to build too. [Roster] -- Will contain this Crew in just screen-sets dedicated to them, I'll probably randomly produce those. I've PC players among this Crew too. I may not be done either adding more, but this Crew is mainly built around Quality. Most pirate crew's mainly, have hundreds, thousands. Even Fleets. This Crew has personalities, monsters, people who are living life's that exist with piracy. He's an particular leader that had PC players the same way, he's had split-personality serial killers aboard, tribal chieftains, succubus, all sorts of various people once on a Crew. It's often an outcast style, pirates default are chaotic in nature, so this really isn't any different, it's a Fantasy version of it. There's humanization characters aboard too though, so this cast is really decked, everything and person is vital, they matter because they remind or covet something that others can draw upon. If ever played (Three Houses or Mass Effect / Dragon Age Origins) A lot of things like that are relatable too this structure and format. Which, Is something I want to be able to give when RPing. I want a genuine feel of this new world someone else's muse will be the main-character too. Depending on what's interacting everything they'll be scale appropriately to follow the genre they're in and environment even. [Aesthetics] -- Already explainable what you'll find here. [Asks] -- Same thing. [Prompts] -- Trivial things I was tagged too, I plan on compiling later. [Writing] -- Another alternatively to randomly go-down and it works right now. [Logs] -- Will have more individualistic master-lists and posts there, my poems from Sheik Sphere the Bard, etc.

Things of that nature, I'll probably add still. It's where a lot of my creative writing is summed. [Gems of Hydaelyn] -- My main #tag for other characters and artists, creationist. Lot of amazing people easily to find their zones or follow them optionally if you like. Ton's I intend to support and bolster, be a lot less unspoken. I'm never the type who's been strictly inclusive. But I'll do that when I've time to even explore the dash, I'm always still planning ahead with things and projects. [CKS] My original character-sheet it's outdated on something's but not too terrible. I'll give him polishing someday, I swear? [21+F-List] -- Just purely degenerate stuff of Captain. I'm a pirate blog. I will represent that with openness and furthermore. I'm never projecting you some false-image. I started off a smut-writer by stripping that, I no-longer represent the same aura and identity. But those are strictly his stuff and kinks, I'm effective in executing them but they're not all relatable to me OOC. This blog will always be 18+ containing crude or dark material sometimes, romantic things, this Captain is blunt, will literally put his cock on the table in conversations. Swearing and being censored would be too uncommon and displace most of him, but there's more about him then all this. [Other] -- I pay homage to a lot of characters, I originally am a Concept Designer. Which mean's I make characters and ideas like my addiction. Bad characters / villains or other little things I like to share in designs, I'll put there. Some villains might get little photo-sets, even if they died. Just cause I like their design, or maybe I'll give them an AU, where they won. When I've wrapped up things. [Collabs + Ships] -- Is a new project idea. This isn't going to be something limited too romantic only ships. It'll contain, platonic, romantic, friendships, rivals, frenemies, family, PC Crew, all ships. I am desperately working on improving my gif, screenshot, posing game so I can supply 'Screen Stories' this is not only a way to RP that's accessible with even people who are upon time-crunches from work, It gives visual-representation. To impactful stories shared with others and establish bonds. That are all-valid and impactful matter. Lot of people take a lot of their characters attributes into them and are them dialed up, I work with that and bit more, differently. I'm disconnected from my characters and they'll get hurt and injured and killed by me, that's my duty as their Author to give them conflicts and struggles. I'm their major antagonist, but that doesn't mean at-all, it's always SET that way. The characters I like to make have their own life, they live in this setting and are abide by it, they're often nothing, nobodies, and by the interacting with others, they slowly gradually building, more... Through emotional impacts, they alter, these are REAL people by all their beliefs. Each person they come in-contact with are legitimate and treated like that too. They've always impacted or given them insights to grow, or represent more. Otherwise it'd be criminally disrespectful if I allowed any emotional I felt OOC be the grudge to something IC. Captain in-particular is set on defying me. I cannot have that. ...But I can't stop him. He's met and encountered so many people and lived so many scenarios based on the actions of others, he's giving a chance right now to actually do things a lot further than impossible. The more people he meets and encounters, experiences, the more I lose. These stories are emotionally interactive where everything is a factor and adds to the dice, where the other people are the one who get to roll the dice for him, not me. That's something I want to color in. People range in emotions, they have their down's, ups, their own wholesome-grounding people, spending time with your favorite people, there's nothing more cherishing than that, being in your own comfort-zone or 'safe-space' these are all treasures that we live under, today. Contrary if what people assume of me, I'm not another 'blogger' that's came

before, who's wanting to force a harem, then constantly is bewildered when that falls to pieces cause of selfishness or a lack of communication, or the skeletons they have in their closets and beliefs they hid behind and swindled fooled everyone. I'm not looking to be popular or anything really, I just create stories and want to share in those, and I want to also boost others included, upward with me, especially those who make me. There's no ego in anything I do, this is purely love. I've never cared about being replicated or duplicated, I've had stalkers, I've gone through more then anyone would imagine, I've been used OOC and abused, just for my writing and cold-harshly told, i'd never amount to anything other then that or vice-versa. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion. That's all I got and am anymore. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion is the hardest thing to keep. It's something that can be stolen, quite effortlessly. Few words of discouragement, a bad negative representation, a lack of confidence, or small amount of time, there's many thing's that can put that flame out. Once you lose it. The difficulty to reattain is hundred-times harder than climbing any mountain for real. I've watched the greatest creators crumble from under the pressure, from beaten down by others. I watched many of them do it to themselves because they put a grand vision of needing validation of another and once lost, felt uncompelling to press onward. But passion also can be given BACK and drawn. It can be shown and encourage others, with a soft-triggering, that pushes them. That motivates, that constantly sticks to it. There are many that fuel me. If I ever quit, I let them down, I spit in the faces of people who're better than me in every-way. Or people who've came and given me their precious Time. That have given their character's or dedication to the abundant stories and community-driven things I've done. There's ONLY things you can do, create, give and provide. It cannot ever come to life without YOU. This is a fact. ...I swear, If you let your creativity soar, you'll be amazed by the heights you get. Constantly polish and learn and hone the best you, challenge yourself day after painstaking day, to draw better improvement on something, no matter how trivial or unfamiliar you are. You'll find a confidence only you can give yourself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Future Plans --------------------------------------------------------------------- For me, I've got so much more stories to give and also explore, I might be taking up soon some other artists and more skilled people from community and hire them for some of my future writes, to up my game or cause something thing's can't be done in-game cause no background carries it. I also got a lot of-set up things and more angst stuff I want to practice, plus I'm adamantly on that grind to produce screen-sets with the intent's to some sort of improving daily. Additionally more people I'll be reaching out too soon for these collab's ideas and things. I look forward to shaking your hands, giving some hugs, show you my respect and admiration, then creating some enchanting stories and giving plots light. Feel free to reach out to me, I get scattered-brain but I'm working on getting better about it. Eventually will get to you though, my goals, if uninterested just say so when I poke, no bites, unless you kinky. Anyways, cheers hearties.

[ad1thi]

top 5 fanworks of 2021

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2021. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

(i cant remember who tagged me in this, because i just have this massive backlog of tagged stuff on tumblr but ty to whoever it was!)

in order of date of posting:

1. the mechanics of an ice-cream date - buckytony, college/university AU, vampire AU , established relationship, 1.3k, G

winteriron winter stocking exchange fill for the prompt: Tall beefy broody vampire Bucky is soft for his human boyfriend Tony

this fic is special to me for multiple reasons. for one, it’s my first ever actual participation in a fandom event, which i’m quite proud of because i usually chicken out when it comes to fandom events. secondly, i managed to completely steer away from angst and keep this completely cutesy and fluffy, which is kinda remarkable for me. third, but definitely not last, vampire AUs have a very special place in my heart and i finally managed to write one that im proud of!

2. and now my heart’s been stolen - samtony, mcu, post tws, pre-slash to slash, 5k, G

Post TWS - Sam finds out that HYDRA bombed his apartment in retaliation for helping Captain America, and accepts Tony Stark's generous offer to move into Avengers Tower in New York. He slots in effortlessly with the team, except for one glaring problem: Tony Stark hates him.

It makes Sam's growing crush on the genius extremely inconvenient.

samtony is actually a ship that’s super special to me, but ive only ever written tiny drabble on tumblr for, so this fic was a big surprise for me. it was one of those fics that just poured out of me, continuously, and i didn't even know i could write that much until i wrote that much, and i was rly lucky that it was well received and that this was the fic that introduced some people to samtony!

3. the memories bring back (you) - buckytony, mcu, soulmates AU, 1000 lives ‘verse 6.5k, T

“Mission: Extraction and Execution. Primary Target: Super-soldier serum,” the Asset intones, “Secondary Target: Howard Stark. Collateral: Maria Stark.”

Tony inhales a sharp breath, exhaling in a splutter like he’s being choked, but the Handler pays him no mind, so the Asset continues.

“Serum extracted at 0200 hours. Secondary target neutralised. Collateral neutralised. Return to base at 0500 hours. Mission successful.”

The Handler nods, once at the Asset, and another time, more firmly, at Tony.

“Like I said,” the Handler says to Tony, “you never know what you have until it’s gone.” Tony doesn’t seem to be paying the Handler any mind, instead glaring at the Asset, and doesn’t even notice when the Handler leaves the room. There’s an outwardly calm that’s overtaken Tony that it is stark contrast to the way he was shivering with anger, and yet, the Asset does not think he is actually calm, not in the slightest.

“You killed my mother, you son of a bitch,” Tony finally murmurs, “I’m gonna rip your heart out and feed it to you.”

//

Or: A look into James and Tony's 20 years with HYDRA.

(time-stamp for the 1000 lives 'verse)

i feel kinda guilty adding this knowing that there’s a sequel that ive promised that i haven’t delivered on yet (im working on it guys i really am) but i really got the opportunity to delve into bucky’s psyche here a bit and flesh out little details i had dropped into 1000 lives so i rly enjoyed writing it

4. begin again - samtony, modern AU, single dad tony, teacher sam, pre-slash to slash, 9.9k, G

Sam never imagined himself as an elementary school teacher.

(Or, after the Air Force, after Riley, Sam becomes a teacher. And then he meets Lila Rhodes. And Lila Rhodes' Dad. And Stuff Happens.)

((It's Love. The Stuff is love.))

this fic is another fic that just snuck up on me, because i really just was going to write a tiny drabble to answer the prompt, but basically what happened was i got rly worked up about racism. the thing is right, in modern AU fics, there’s always this deep nuanced explanation for why bucky is working the night shift as a guard for SI or how tony quit his job and became a dancer or when steve opened his flower-shop and its always rly fun to read and helps the reader get into the universe - but then sam and rhodey just fit into the universe because ✨ reasons ✨. and yeah, a part of that is because those fics aren’t centred around sam and rhodey, but even characters like peter and natasha and wanda get these deep in-universe backstories, but ned and mj and kamala are just, slotted in. 

i dont think its intentional, but a lot of authors are happy to write poc characters into their AUs for the sake of a character, without actually bothering to delve into why that character is there. like  steve owns a flowershop because his mother taught him flower language when he was a kid and he hated violence and sam works the counter because he is (checks notes) steve’s friend. i’m not saying that sam can’t work the counter, but it would be nice if some nuance was given to why he’s working the counter instead of just being a therapist like he canonically is. and thats how you arrive at the conclusion that sam is working the counter because if he’s a therapist with his own life then he can’t serve his narrative purpose of being steve’s bestfriend - which if you think about it, is basically just the black bestfriend type deal. 

and when i started writing this fic, i realized i was doing the same thing. it was conveniently narratively for sam to be a teacher, but where i was giving tony a proper backstory on how he became a single dad, i wasnt giving sam the same nuance. and it was important to me that i didnt fall into this pitfall, so i reworked the fic to build a narrative around sam the school teacher, and it became this massive piece, and im truly so proud of this fic i can’t even explain it

5. just let the feeling grow - mcdanno, hawaii 5 o, established relationship, 1.4k, T

Danny finds the ring three days after Steve buys it.

for those who haven’t watched hawaii 5 0 (btw please go watch h50, it’s so worth it), one of the major running themes is danny’s relationship with his ex wife, rachel. even though they never officially get back together, she’s someone he frequently falls into bed with, and they even have two kids together. in typical fandom fashion, this means that in most mcdanno fics, she’s quite villainized. even though i dont agree with everything she’s done, i have always found rachel to be a refreshingly complex character and always had a bit of a soft spot for her. another major recurring theme is, due to the tumultuous nature of his relationship with rachel, danny is a bit of a commitment-phobe.

i was going to do a character study type fic where i looked into what the breakdown of his marriage had meant for how danny views relationship and views marriage in general (in the light of a possible second marriage with steve), but then, as you can see from the wordcount, i got a bit lazy and just wrapped it all up in a thousand or so words. despite that, i am still proud of this fic, bc i think i touched on a couple important things, and most importantly - i get to say i added some good vibes into a fandom that is so quick to demonize its female characters

//

okay! that’s my 2021 round up! tagging @bieddiediaz, @sibmakesart , @leightonmurrayz, @omg-just-peachy, @oluka,  @playboyphilanthro-pissed, @ironhusband, @riotwritesthings, @ifmywishescametrue, @frostysunflowers, @dracusfyre and anyone else who wants to do this!!

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Angst

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 remember me by hupsoonheng Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  31082 Tags: Amnesia, Temporary Amnesia, Obliviation, Established Relationship, Established Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Legilimency, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Reformed Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Good Draco Malfoy, Gardens & Gardening, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, POV Harry Potter Summary:  On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors. And then Harry doesn't come back. Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass Rated:  Mature Words:  20730 Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soul Bond, Red String of Fate, Heavy Angst, Terminal Illnesses, Major Illness, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want. He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Every Breath You Take by hephaestiions Rated:  Mature Words:  19252 Tags: Major Character Death, Death (Harry Potter), Suicide, Child Death, Miscommunication, Angst, Angst and Tragedy Summary:  It starts and ends with Death. Scorpius was just caught in between. Like always. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Between Myth and Man by slytherco Rated:  Explicit Words:  16242 Tags: Veritaserum, Truth Serum, Mundane, London, Falling In Love, Lies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, This whole story is just Draco angsting really, Sexual Content, keeping secrets, Smoking, Bad Weather, References to Drugs, Making Out, One (1) Scared Little Sparrow, And also lots of texting Summary:  Draco, lost and a little broken, navigates post-war reality convinced that people like him should not be allowed to make their own choices. To solve the problem of his self-sabotaging tendencies, he starts taking a few drops of Veritaserum every morning. A story about the complexity of choices, repressed desires that come to the surface when we least expect them, and the utter hopelessness of truths built on a foundation of lies. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Boxes and a Scrapbook by dracogotgame Rated:  Mature Words:  30493 Tags: mention of divorce, flangst, Bill is a bro Summary:  One year after being accidentally bonded to each other, Harry and Draco are free to move on with their lives. But perhaps, what they needed was here all along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Intertwined by bluefay Rated:  Explicit Words:  25086 Tags: Memory Loss, Memory Alteration, Accidental Bonding, Magic Gone Wrong, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Malfoy Manor, Self-Harm, Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Serious Injuries, But they're not very graphic so don't fret!, Self-Hatred, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Sort Of, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hate Sex, Childhood Trauma ,Flashbacks, St Mungo's Hospital, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  On May 3rd, 1998, Draco Malfoy wakes up with no memory of Voldemort, the war, or Harry Potter, his supposed boyfriend. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di Rated:  Explicit Words:  93189 Tags: H/D Fan Fair 2019, Secondary Theme: Travel Fair, Secondary Theme: Book Fair, Commercial Fisherman Draco Malfoy, Failed Writer Harry Potter, Depressed Harry Potter, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Muscular Draco Malfoy, Recluse Harry Potter, Angst, Smut, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Wandless Magic, Boats and Ships, Finland (Country), Fishing, Redemption, School Reunion, Minor Draco Malfoy/Original Male Character(s), Anal Sex, Rough Sex, Sex Magic, Suicidal Thoughts, Near Death Experiences, Magical Theory, POV Alternating Summary:  Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography. An invitation to the Hogwarts class of 1998's 15th reunion isn't welcomed by either of them, but neither could predict how the night, and their reunion, will upend their lives. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When I Put My Eyes On You by Zzzara Rated:  Explicit Words:  31160 Tags: Blindness, Blind Character, Blind Harry Potter, Disability, Physical Disability, Disabled Character, Slow Burn, Falling In Love, Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Dorks in Love, Friendship/Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Amortentia, Potions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Emotional, Emotional Roller Coaster, Pining, Pining Harry Potter, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Romantic Friendship, Best Friends, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, POV Harry Potter, Patronus, Spells & Enchantments, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Jealousy, Jealous Harry Potter, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Spin the Bottle, Halloween, Party, Party Games, Mistletoe, Kissing, Surprise Kissing, Boys Kissing, Rough Kissing, Drunken Kissing, Gentle Kissing, Boys In Love, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, First Time, Explicit Sexual Content, Sex, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Emotional Sex, Awkward First Times, Sleeping Together, Literal Sleeping Together, Dancing, Showers, Masturbation in Shower, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Dreams, Fantasizing, Desire, Self-Esteem Issues, Substance Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Lights Camera Drarry 2020, Lights Camera Drarry, LCDrarry, LCD - Freeform, The Way he looks, film inspired, Self-Prompt, Healing Summary:  When a hero defeats a villain, there's supposed to be a happily-ever-after... but when did anything ever happen to Harry Potter the way it was supposed to? Having sacrificed himself to the greater good, Harry is left alone in the darkness, blindly groping for the shreds of the life he knew. When the enemies meet, how is the story supposed to go, once they learn there's more to it than the eye can see? A story of pain, hope and things we discover, once we stop looking for them with our eyes. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You open always (petal by petal) by birdsofshore Rated:  Explicit Words:  65214 Tags: Post War, Rent Boy!Draco, Down-And-Out!Draco, Grimmauld Place, House magic, Portraits, First Times, Antagonism, Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Pining, Angst, UST, Kissing, Frotting, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Intergluteal Sex, Anal Sex, Homophobic Slurs And Attitudes, Internalised Homophobia, Derogatory Attitudes To Sex Workers, Some Mentions Of Sadistic Violence, Brief Thoughts Of Sexual Activity With A Sleeping Partner, Rough Sex, Brief Mention Of Harry With A Woman (Past Relationship), Mentions Of Dubious Consent In Connection With Sex Work, Community: hd_erised, Inexperienced Harry, Top Harry Potter, House Elves, Masturbation Summary:  Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Solder by Oakstone730 Rated:  Explicit Words:  34547 Tags: potion/alcohol addiction, Recovery, Nipple Play, Rimming, Dirty Talk, Angst, PiningUST, Reconciliation, LoveForgiveness, Cursebreaker!Draco, Artist!Harry Summary:  Seven years ago, Harry disappeared out of Draco and Scorpius's life without a trace after Harry's addictions destroyed his and Draco's marriage. Now, Harry’s back, and Draco wants to believe he’s changed. But Harry isn’t the only one haunted by the past. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Months, Eleven Days and Nine Hours by sassy_cissa Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  sassy_cissa Tags: H/D Food Fair 2018, Angst, Romance, Paroled Draco Malfoy, Rebuilding Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy/, Harry Potter Friendship, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Food Forager Draco Malfoy, Soup Kitchens, Happy Ending, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hungry Draco Malfoy Summary:  Broke and living in a one room hovel in Knockturn Alley, Draco hunts in rubbish bins for food. Nothing could be more humiliating, right? Unless you're Draco Malfoy... ❤️ Read on AO3

Texting You by ununquadius Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  6005 Tags: Major Character Death, text fic, draco is dead, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, or maybe hurt/no comfort, Everyday Life, Pets, Asexual Harry Potter, Indian Harry Potter, one penis drawing, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Loneliness, Drinking, Terminal Illnesses, blink and you missed them suicidal thoughts Summary:  After Draco's death, Harry can't let go so he keeps texting their private chat, updating him on his life and rambling about everything and anything until it almost feels like there's a possibility that, one day, a reply will come. Read on AO3

📜 Wake Up In The Night by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  10483 Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Explicit Sexual Content, Face-Fucking, Public Sex, Blow Jobs, Versatile Draco Malfoy, Versatile Harry Potter, Anal Sex, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Facials, 69 (Sex Position), Coming Untouched, Love Confessions, Curses, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Drinking, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, POV Draco Malfoy, Voyeurism, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Emotional Manipulation Summary:  In the days after the War ended, there were a great many things that were changed or changing, a great many things that somehow slipped beneath the notice of Ministry officials and healers from St. Mungo's and Aurors that were tasked with capturing fleeing Death Eaters. It was, after all, the end of the War, and much like war itself, the clean up was heartbreaking. Lives had been lost. The world as they knew it had been changed irrevocably. In the grand scheme of things, there were more important things to worry about than Draco Malfoy's sudden, inexplicable inability to feel love. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Coated in Rust and Blood by crazyparakiss Rated:  Mature Words:  2429 Tags: Mpreg, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Angst, Violent Sex, Self-Hatred, Grief/Mourning, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  No one escapes the nightmares. That’s what his headshrinker tells Harry every time he tries to unpack the baggage he was handed from infancy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Here Without You by  gracerene Rated:  Explicit Words:  26869 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, War, Canon-Typical Violence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Background Het, Non-Linear Narrative, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Love Letters, Dirty Letters, An Ode to Draco's Bum, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Implied Switching, Auror Harry Potter, Healer Draco Malfoy, Explosions, Harry Potter & Parvati Patil Friendship, Loneliness, Denial, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  It's been seven years since the end of the Second Wizarding War with Voldemort, and a new Dark Lady has taken over in nearby Ireland. Harry feels compelled to volunteer to fight on the front lines, but war is never safe, and Harry has a lot—including his blissfully happy relationship with Draco—to lose. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Orion in the Sky by space_wingding Rated:  Explicit Words:  30709 Tags: Bookshop Owner Draco Malfoy, Coffee, Village life, Slow Burn, Pining, Denial, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Jigsaw Puzzles, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry Potter, Fatal Curse, Serious Injuries, Suicidal Thoughts, Hospitalization, Death, Character Death, Unhappy Ending, St Mungo's Hospital, Grief, mentions of anal sex, Chronic or Terminal Illness, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy owns a bookshop in the Lake District. He’s also cursed. Enter: Harry Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Forgot to remember you by Andithiel Rated:  Mature Words:  1753 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Auror Partners, Magical Accidents, Memory Loss, Partial Memory Loss, Getting Together, DreamsPining, Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Rated M for language, There's not any real stuff going on Summary:  Harry was hit with a spell that made him forget the week before he was hurt. Most of his memories have come back, but he has a niggling suspicion that he did something wrong. Why else would his Auror partner (and the object of his desires) go from friendly to hostile? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 On the Last Day by trishjames Rated:  Explicit Words:  53481 Tags: Mystery, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Unreliable Narrator, Drama, Dramatic Irony, Flashbacks, Non-Linear Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Horror Elements, Suicidal Ideation, Depression, Occlumency (Harry Potter), Occlumency as a Coping Mechanism, Panic Attacks, Discussion and Depiction of Mini Seizures, mention of overdoses, Revenge, Repression, Science, Neurology & Neuroscience, Neurological damage, Medicine, Potions, Original Characters - Freeform, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Somewhat Bond!Fic, Strong Friendships, Strong Women, Maternal love, Department of Mysteries, Unspeakables (Harry Potter), The Love Chamber, The Death Chamber, Death Potion, Amortentia, The Veil, Near Death Experiences, Souls, Major character death - Freeform, Death, forced drugging, Mind Control (Imperio), Murder, Vomit, Medical Procedures, Consent, Amoral Behaviour, Unethical Behaviour, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Possession, Ghost Sex, True Love Conquers All, ghost!harry, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Auror Harry Potter, Unspeakable/Scientist Hermione Granger, Unspeakable/Scientist Draco Malfoy, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Psst...angst with a happy ending.. Summary:  Draco is still mourning the recent loss of his mother when the Wizarding World is struck with the tragic news of Harry Potter’s untimely death. It’s just his luck that Potter not only comes back as a ghost, but seems intent on haunting Draco as he’s the only one that can see him. It’s a race against time to retrace the last few days of Potter’s life in order to find his body before he’s lost to the living or spiritual realm forever. On their journey, they’ll uncover secrets, betrayals, and a horrific truth that will disrupt both the living and the dead. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Poland | A Faint Glow of Hope by EvAEleanor Rated:  Mature Words:  6123 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Summer Solstice, Solstice, Curses, Unspeakable Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Ron Weasley, Healer Hermione Granger, Herbology Professor Neville Longbottom, Angst, Flowers, Slavic mythology, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mentions of Myth & Folklore, Mythology References. Folklore, poland - Freeform, POV Draco Malfoy, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Community: Seven Shades of Drarry Summary:  On Draco’s 25th birthday, somebody attempts to curse him, but Harry Potter jumps between them and is hit instead, with unexpected consequences. Potter is running out of time, and they both embark on a race against time to find the only cure that could save Harry. Little do they know they will need to face a myriad of magical creatures and their own feelings on the way. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Grounds for Divorce by Tepre Rated:  Explicit Words:  122217 Tags: Slow Burn, Pining, UST, Anal Sex, brief but all the same enthusiastic rimming, One (1) lemon tree, Accidental Bonding, And I mean like U! S! T!, Jealousy, Deals with Trauma, They both top at some point, ron is a good friend, Draco is a Good Cook, Dubious Consent due to the Accidental Bonding, The actual SLOWEST burn, Hurt/Comfort, Have I mentioned UST? Cannot overstate this it's like A LOT, First there's frottage, And then there's more sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, and just a lot of sex, sex on a bed, sex in the shower, sex on the floor, Sex on a settee, In other news they go to Egypt, Teddy is a Small Bean, There is one (1) cat, and one (1) happy ending Summary:  Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter. A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 At Evening's End by manixzen Rated:  Explicit Words:  31055 Tags: Pre-Relationship, Angst, Azkaban, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Slow Burn, Post-Hogwarts, Friendship, Past Child Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Auror Harry Potter, Inmate Draco Malfoy, Prison, Auror Ron Weasley Summary:  When the dementors are removed from Azkaban, a compromise has to be made for the prison to remain secure and wizard-kind to feel safe. Harry and Ron find themselves assigned to a rotation as guards during their first year as Junior Aurors as a part of the new system. Harry finds his values challenged in the harsh environment, but an unexpected friendship may carry him through this difficult year. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 all you ever did was wreck me by SailorChibi Rated:  Mature Words:  10807 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, draco has PTSD, Harry has PTSDN, ightmares, Animagus, Harry is an animagus, prison break - Freeform, Touch-Starved, affection starved, Fear of Death, fear of touch, touch repulsed, Trauma, Aftermath of Torture, harry doesn't want anyone else to die, harry is very angry at the world, Protective Harry, harry had to grow up too soon, Possessive Harry, harry wants to protect draco, house arrest, Ministry of Magic, ministry of magic has gone power hungry, Fear of Magic, draco is scared of magic, it's been used for too much evil, Draco Malfoy Feels, Sad Draco Malfoy, Protective Draco Malfoy, Sharing a Bed, platonically sharing a bed, First Kiss, Hugging, Cuddling, Platonic Cuddling, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, death is scary, Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Endingh, appyish ending, might be a little bittersweet, but it will be ok I swear Summary:  After the war, the Ministry decides to make a clean go of it and sentences all Death Eaters to death. After a year spent imprisoned beneath the Ministry, with his mother safely in France, his father dead and only the Aurors who hate him for "company", Draco is waiting for his time to die. Harry gets to him first. ❤️ Read on AO3

[opting-for-oblivion]

A Matter of Jurisdiction

A lovely anon asked if I had anything to add regarding one of my recent tags, the gist of which was “In DMC, do you realize how much trouble Governor Swann’s letter would have caused (for the EITC) if it made it to England? Because Beckett did and he was not taking any chances.”

Because I am terrible at being succinct and because I love talking about this, I’m going to expand more generally on what I said in my tags on the post in question and approach some other questions about Lord Beckett’s authority later posed by the op of the original post. [Links to the relevant posts can be found in the replies, as Tumblr hates links.]

I will, fairly, preface this by saying that skimming Beckett’s PotC fandom Wiki does answer all of the questions regarding the EITC’s actions, and, to put the TL;DR at the beginning, that answer is often just “Lord Beckett had royal authority (and enough money) to do whatever he wanted.”

Nonetheless, if you’re curious how I’d nerd out over analyze the situation, please read on!

[A further note: I am not a historian, nor am I an expert on the alternate universe in which PotC is set. If I am, at any point, wrong, please let me know.]

While the main focus of the original PotC trilogy is the conflict between pirates (representing freedom) and the British Crown (representing, among other things, constraint, control, and exploitation), there exists within the British “side” a kind of internal conflict and this is what we see at play between Cutler Beckett and Weatherby Swann.

If you understand Beckett to be a merchant of sorts and the East India Trading Company to be just what it says on the tin -- a trading company -- then it might seem entirely out of order that Beckett invades Port Royal, crashes the governor’s daughter’s wedding, and disrespects (indeed, arrests) Swann the way he does. However, so far as legality goes, Beckett doesn’t cross as many lines as one would think (or, perhaps, the lines are not quite so clear). This is because Lord Beckett has the same royal authority that Governor Swann does and because the EITC is no mere trading company.

The EITC is a deeply politically invested entity. The Company operates with a royal charter, which means that it was granted certain rights by the monarchy. Specifically, the EITC has extensive military and administrative capabilities built into it. (I’ve even seen it referred to as part trade organization, part nation state.) When operating in the Indian Ocean and other areas outside of the jurisdiction of the British Crown, as it was originally intended to, the Company acts as an arm of British imperial power. This becomes a problem when the EITC attempts to exert said power where British Crown authority is already established, such as in the British Caribbean.

Swann is, of course, the king’s governor of Port Royal; his authority derives directly from the Crown as well. In fact, Weatherby Swann is said to be close friends with the king. However, the fact that Swann has personal ties to the aristocracy and Beckett does not doesn’t make their powers as unequal as one might think. The structures that each is part of are just about parallel.

The situation is not: Crown → Aristocracy → Merchants

But rather: Crown → Aristocracy & → EITC

While Beckett has been granted the title of lord by DMC, there is still a difference between those born into such a status and those who were not. (It’s sort of a big deal, especially for Beckett. His family had been wealthy merchants, but none of them had ever held a title.)

Because the two men have fairly equal standing in terms of pure authority, their being at odds become a tricky matter of jurisdiction. In other words, who has the right to exercise his power where? This question vexes both Swann and Beckett, and they’re both keenly aware of it from the moment they come face to face. Neither can claim absolute authority outright, but both have unique cards they can play to shift the situation in their favor.

A few scenes in DMC highlight the chess game that Swann and Beckett are playing, though I’m afraid it was never a game that Beckett intended to play fairly.

In the opening of DMC, the EITC invades Port Royal as Beckett arrives to arrest Elizabeth Swann, William Turner, and James Norrington. Some key things to understand here:

The invasion is not solely to make the arrests, but rather to establish Port Royal as the EITC’s new base. Beckett clearly has that intention (and royal approval for it) before showing up. That said, was invading the place entirely necessary? No, but it is a shock tactic. 

Some of the first things said to Lord Beckett are, by Governor Swann, “Lord or not, you have no reason and no authority to arrest this man.” and, by Elizabeth, “We are under the jurisdiction of the king’s governor of Port Royal and you will tell us what we are charged with.” The Swanns are obviously under the impression that Beckett is out of line, but he isn’t.

Regarding the arrests themselves, all of the warrants are legally valid. Elizabeth, Turner, and Norrington did, as the warrants say, conspire “to set free a man convicted of crimes against the Crown and Empire and condemned to death.” Beckett’s decision to use the prisoners rather than simply execute them is, on the other hand, entirely his own abuse of power.

Another important scene, of course, is when Governor Swann attempts to save Elizabeth by having her sent to England.

Swann’s lines in this scene very clearly show his particular type of power: that based on personal, aristocratic ties. For example, “Our name still has some standing with the king.” Even the captain he makes arrangements with is “a friend” -- the only kind of person Swann can trust given Beckett’s new authority in Port Royal. 

When Swann tells Elizabeth, “Perhaps I can ensure a fair trial for Will.” we especially see where his power ends. His authority in Port Royal, and regarding those who are not his family, is now weak. His best hope there is to enforce existing standards (i.e. a fair trial). 

The entire premise of Swann’s decision here is that he knows that he can’t contest the warrants. However, there is a possibility that he can leverage his ties with the aristocracy to get his daughter off the hook. That personal power is only certain to work in England, out of the reach of Lord Beckett’s power in the Caribbean. Swann is very smart to use his personal ties this way though anyone would have to admit that it’s not exactly legal. 

A line that was cut from the film reinforces all of the above (which is likely why it was cut): “There are still men loyal to me here, and Beckett is still wary of my ties to the Crown.” Swann, due to his position as governor and personal connections with the British aristocracy, has power that -- while not necessarily a threat -- could conceivably challenge Beckett’s actions. Lord Beckett knows this, but there isn’t anything he can do about it at this point in the film. 

Now, considering that (earlier) Swann openly discusses helping Elizabeth escape in front of one of the EITC soldiers when he visits her in prison, it’s no surprise that Beckett suspects something is amiss and sends Mercer to investigate. 

The scene in which Mercer kills Swann’s hired captain and arrests the governor is, perhaps, the most high-stakes political moment in DMC. Mercer not only catches Swann breaking the law, but he intercepts Swann’s letter to the king. When confronted, Swann knows that his gamble has gone horribly wrong.

Swann is arrested on the same grounds that his daughter was, conspiring to free a convicted criminal, which effectively strips him of his authority and, worse, puts him at Beckett’s mercy. More than that, his letter to the king is Beckett’s first real proof that Swann is a threat on a larger playing field. Before intercepting the letter, Beckett only had suspicions to go off of, and any move against someone you’re not sure is an enemy could create an enemy. With the escape attempt and the letter, Beckett has both legal and personal grounds to arrest the governor and, later, blackmail him.

While we never discover the exact contents of the letter, it’s likely that Swann wrote more than a plea for his daughter’s pardon. Elizabeth is his main concern, but it would be unlike Swann -- a man with an admirable moral center -- to not mention the way he feels about the EITC and Beckett’s conduct in Port Royal. If such a letter did reach the king, there is no way that the king could ignore it outright. There would be repercussions of some kind, and a royal inquiry into the EITC’s dealings at the very least. It’s important to remember that, while the Crown pays little attention to the EITC so long as it’s making money, the Crown very much can tell the EITC what to do if it sees fit -- which is the last thing Beckett wants. That said, I’m not certain if Swann’s letter would have meaningfully shut down the EITC in the Caribbean, and it almost certainly wouldn’t have gotten Beckett arrested. In any case, Beckett avoids the whole problem by ensuring that Swann’s concerns -- whatever they are -- never reach ears that are able to do anything. 

In the following scene, in which Elizabeth steals the letters of marque, it’s interesting to note that Beckett’s line about how “loyalty is no longer the currency of the realm” is both ironic and bold. The only reason it’s even remotely true is because Beckett makes it true. He is more than aware of the power that loyalty can have, and he goes out of his way to keep that power from being a threat. Loyalty is still very much a currency of the realm, but it isn’t of much use if there are no transactions being made (i.e. Swann’s letter never reaches the king).

A final scene in DMC that is worthy of note is that in which Lord Beckett blackmails Governor Swann.

The scene opens with Beckett saying, “There’s something to knowing the exact shape of the world and one’s place in it, don’t you agree?” This is, obviously, a thinly veiled threat -- a reminder to take note of one’s place in the current situation.

Beckett effectively threatens Elizabeth, who is currently a criminal among criminals and being hunted as such, and uses Swann’s concern for his daughter to force the governor to work for the EITC. 

Even here, we explicitly see the jurisdiction matter playing out. When Swann asks what Beckett wants in exchange for Elizabeth’s safety, Beckett is more than clear: “Your authority as governor, your influence in London, and your loyalty to the East India Trading Company.” Beckett uses this opportunity to appropriate the governor’s power. While Beckett now technically has the highest authority in Port Royal, he nonetheless ensures that his only possible competitor is working for him, bolstering his power rather than being able to challenge it. Like we see in every case, Beckett will not kill someone that can be more useful to him alive. 

We can also revisit the conflict between Beckett and Swann in the terms Beckett uses: currency versus loyalty. Again, the irony is immaculate. While Beckett’s every move is made on the premise that currency is more valuable than loyalty, he himself values loyalty enough to buy it -- the very thing he says Swann “hoped never to sell.”

If you’ve reached the end of this post, dear reader, I commend you. That said, there are a few caveats to consider. Namely, much of Beckett’s PotC Wiki seems to imply that he had the king’s support and, no conniving required, would have been able to exercise authority over Governor Swann. In that case, things like Swann’s letter are less important (beyond the matter of Elizabeth’s safety, of course). I’m assuming that much of what “actually” happened rests on the details of the EITC’s expansion into the Caribbean -- which Disney handwaved in the films for the most part and only later expanded on (somewhat) in things like the novelizations, which I have not yet read.

[bleachbleachbleach]

HELLO.

I just wanted to say that I love, love, love your tags on that character/tool post a lot! Some of my favorite shows/books involve characters that can't keep it together and just barely make it to the end of the story or make it there in an "inconvenient way" and tbh I find that usually the narratives that follow these characters don't really work away from them either--the narrative is just usually more questioning instead of fully formed.

Like, 'what if/how would', y'know? There's less of a clear meaning and more just 'what if they hadn't done that. what if they had done that. what if all that meant nothing. what if that struggle was all there was'.

But oh boy, when they DO work away from the narrative. *chefs kiss*

I mean, most of my favorite Bleach characters are narrative nightmares who either hinder or cut off lines of theme in the story entirely. And, in general, I think there are A LOT of characters in shonen--a genre known for very long narratives that can't possibly complete every thought but also can't just abandon all those characters introduced ESPECIALLY the fan favorites or personal favorites--work in the way you described.

Tbh i think your tags really highlight why so many ppl get drawn to these characters/why they're so fun to play with in fanfiction.

If you have more to add or more thoughts about this you want to lay down I am here, eagerly awaiting and ready to pick them up.

Also, who do you think in Bleach is the most fun characters who sort of drop kicked the story, in your opinion? Who's the one you like the most? And who's the one you dislike the most?

[For posterity the referenced post is this one.]

Aww, thank you! That’s really lovely to hear. I was anxious about even putting it in tags because I don’t think I presently have the capacity to explain it well—and even if I did might still sound bananas to many. Or at least the bit about negotiating with characters and how *they* feel about being subjects in stories. Because as much as that really is my practice saying it out loud takes me back to like… FFN in 2003 where every store was prefaced by extensive chat-form back-and-forths between the fic author and their character "musies" and that is not something I think fandom would benefit from bringing back in force, hahaha. But anyway.

Here’s the part where I disappoint because I don’t think I actually know Bleach well enough to speak to it in this context. WHICH SOUNDS DUMB EVEN AS I TYPE IT BECAUSE LOL WTF IS THE NAME OF THIS BLOG WE ARE CHARLATANS AND POSERS FOR CLAIMING AS OUR NAMESAKE NOT ONE BLEACH BUT THREE BLEACHES but truly, my experience of Bleach has a shallow depth of field. I feel like I have weirdly intimate knowledge of some severe rabbit holes but a non-existent to uneasy sense of the gestalt.

Like idek man, in my "slow re-read where I am actually paying attention" Ichigo hasn’t even met Byakuya and Renji yet. ToT

I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it spidered all over the place, but in summary:

characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure

the charm of longform serialized series and their invitations to imagine stuff

me attempting to talk about Hitsugaya and feeling a fool, as usual

I guess in general terms, I’m really interested in characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure. Not failure as in 'bad' but failure as in things that break form or are circuitous or are actively detrimental to a narrative arc. All my strongest examples of what I’m thinking of are from a different fandom and therefore not relevant to this blog, alas. By comparison I think anyone in Bleach can keep it together better than the characters that are immediately coming to mind, lol. But I think this idea dovetails often with trauma narratives, or depression narratives, because these things are often… non-narrative? Like, there’s no fourth or fifth for minor fall or major lift. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over again, or maybe nothing. Maybe it’s the exact same self-sabotage narrative dictates could have been avoided. Maybe it’s some act that emanates forth but cannot be explained because it cannot be explained and will never be explained. That’s a version of what I’m talking about, in any case, though not the only version.

Your note about longform shounen definitely resonates with me, too. In my mind I don’t like long things and I prefer series that are more self-contained but whenever I have ever landed in a long-term fandom, with a piece of media I felt obliged to carve out chunks of my life for, and to interact with at that level of creative fannishness, it’s always been something stupid long and serialized by the seat of its pants. I know plot holes or dropped threads bother a lot of people (makes total sense, don’t get me wrong) but I find these things incredibly attractive. I see them as invitations to join in the fun. Especially when it’s so much a part of the form and genre to have this, as you said, lack of real expectation that every thread will be followed to its conclusion (or that it would be worthwhile to do so) and every thought completed.

There’s this piece by David Grann that was published in The New Yorker in 2004 that I really love that speaks to part of this idea, albeit in terms of fictional universes versus fictional characters. But Grann is talking about Sherlock Holmes (Doyle original) and the ways that Sherlockians would like, approach apparent lapses in narrative and then solve them according to the established rules of the universe. I just love that. There’s also the line, "Never had so much been written by so many for so few," which LOL if that ain’t fandom I don’t know what is!!

I feel like I’m actually talking about three distinct but related facets of these thoughts in this post, except all at once and without clear transition, uhhhhh.

Gah, I am broken and now can ONLY think of examples from my not-Bleach fandom, but to try a different tack and add yet another facet to this already funhouse-mirror post, my various attempts to write Hitsugaya often feel like they come up against a version of this. I think Hitsugaya has aggressive side character energy, and I find it difficult to make him the center of a story and have it feel right to me. He feels different to me than writing other minor characters, where they can be the center of their own stories even if their story is not the main story. Like, two of my fave characters in my other fandom have literally like… three lines in 350+ episodes and it feels easier to imagine THEM at the center of their story and I think what it comes down to is that Hitsugaya probably prefers what he not be written. And when he does become more narrative I think he’d prefer that none of it was happening in the fist place. But at the same time he always seems to be…around??? whether there is really a good reason for him to be present or not. XD So while, say, he and Bartleby "would prefer not to" (because THAT'S what this post needs, a Melville reference), Bartleby actually opts out and Hitsugaya out here volunteering.

He also often feels non-narrative to me because he feels very declarative, if that makes sense? Like, the coming-to-decisions or coming-to-realizations parts of existence happen pretty quick, or are approached perfunctorily. I feel like I find narrative in the "coming" part of that equation and instead Hitsugaya will be like, well, I’ve already done that part without you, and/or plan to do that part in the future and it will still be without you, the audience. Anyway, here’s the determination I’ve made, here’s what I’m going to do, and here begins the long and probably tedious process of my doing that thing (off 2 go train in a cave for a bit). I don’t think he actually believes the world is that simple, Tab A into Slot B, but I do think he’s already made that assessment and can see coming to terms with that as a horizon, if that makes sense. So even if he doesn’t know the answer to something, or is completely at a loss of what to do (what to say to Hinamori? how to productively address the number Aizen’s done on him) there’s still not necessarily a story there. Maybe the answer is you grind, and it is repetitive and boring. Maybe you just hold things. There’s not even the act of learning how to hold things, necessarily, just the practice of doing so.

Wow, that probably doesn’t sound good! I feel like I need to suffix this with the assurance that Hitsugaya is my absolute runaway character in the whole series and this was true 15 years ago and it is still true now (truer, even) and everything I just said are reasons why I love him.

[tuz-on-ao3]

Fic updates for everything

Hi y'all. So I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past several months, which I won't apologize for but I thought I'd give you an update on how the fics are doing because that is what this tumblr is for. I've split up Maybe I'm Paying for the Things I've done into a series. It's just for me to organize my thoughts and plot into something that is more conducive to my writing process. I removed much of the relationship tags because nothing was really happening there. I will be making edits to what I've already written but mostly for continuities sake. Part two of the series will include more outside POVs and plot that I have foreshadowed in the first part of the series. The Future Doesn't Have Flying Cars will take a backseat for a little bit, if you have any ideas for it I can try to incorporate it into the fic but no promises. The Kakashi/Sakura fic I wrote, Baby It's Cold Outside will potentially become part of a series. I am thinking of writing a longer fic based on the snippets I gave you in the fic. Each "time" would be a separate chapter, or their own alternate universe for me to expand on. A Certain Kind of Political Sense is also in teh back burner because there is only so much worldbuilding ya girl can do at a time and writing an A/B/O fic that isn't weirdly misogynistic or fetishizing requires thoughtfulness. Mine, which is a Kuruko no Basuke fic is also in the backburner, mostly because I have another Kuroko no Basuke fic I'm working on. I'm sorrrryyyyyyy. I will probably update Looking Forward in Reverse when it comes to fics I already have. HOWEVER, it will not what I post next. I am currently working on a fic for the Katekyo Hitman Reborn Fandom. This is actually something I wrote one of my first fics on, but I wasn't really committed to being a writer at that point and I deleted them. This fic is not even a little bit related to what I wrote in the past, it was inspired by Tales of Sass and Win which is fantastic and y’all should get into it. It is a trip let me warn you. It is also sort of a cross over fic with Kobato, sort of. There are lots of original characters and lots of involvement of our well loved characters and some that need more love. This work is going to be part of a series because there are two characters who have a relationship that is is established before the story begins and I might write a side story about them. I may also write another KHR fic where I use some similar ideas but set in Italy not Japan. I might also write a harry Potter crossover fic with KHR because I want to add to the fandom a bit. There is plot everywhere, because I have no self control, whatsoever, once again I’m sorry. *shoves brownies at them in hopes they forgive her* 

I am also working on a tomarry Harry Potter fic, don’t know where that is going though, too many ideas and lots of commitment issues, expect nothing, and there will be no underage. I am also potentially writing a Lilly/James harry potter fic. There is a lot to be done with Lilly that is never really explored, she is mostly depicted as a woman to be desired by James Potter and Snape, and you know I can't take that lying down. 

I also have a bunch of other naruto fics in the workshop, and some other KHR fics as well. I really want to get better at writing Kakashi/Sakura and get better at writing in general. I also want to read more actual books. But no expectations everyone, the most accurate measure of what I choose to upload is how happy writing it makes me, which isn’t something any of you can predict. *shruggs* My family is going through a lot right now and so am I. I have a lot of personal things to work on and I am entering my last year of college, have mercy please y’all. She’s busy and stressed. 

Lots of love, thanks for sticking with me on this weird journey I started during quarantine, feel free to send private messages with questions and such, you can give prompt in the ask box but I make no guarantees sweethearts. We do this for joy or not at all. 

[madasthesea]

I’m sorry for being so mean. I had a really bad day and didn’t mean to say such awful things. But I am frustrated my fics always get ignored, especially by the big names in the fandom such as yourself that claim to support everyone. I’ve written so many fics in this fandom and have been doing so for over a year, yet I only have 30 subscribers. I get really frustrated and feel like I’m a bad writer because everyone ignores me and my fics. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.

(2/2) For a fan community that claims they are inclusive, everyone sure doesn’t act that way. Everyone already has their friends and people like me who don’t have many friends get ignored. The big names in the fandom don’t support or read the fics by the new people. It’s not just me. I’ve never received a single kudo or comment from you or anyone else that’s popular like you. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but people don’t read my fics.

Ok, I’m answering this in the middle of the night in the hopes that not a lot of people will see it so it won’t become A Thing and then as soon as this fic exchange is over I am turning my anons off forever. Anon, I guess I have to give you credit for coming to apologize, but I have to say, where before I was perfectly capable of laughing off your extremely rude message, I have to say, now I’m annoyed. Because there is not a single instance or bad day or frustration that makes what you said acceptable. You came into my inbox and threw a temper tantrum because you knew my name and I happen to have anons on unlike most of the “fandom big names.” You told me I had the worst fics in the fandom, told me I publish outlines instead of stories and accused me of writing incestual pedophilia because you had a bad day? I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re young because that is the only possible excuse I could give you. As I said in my original response, if I were already an anxious writer, you could have caused me to delete all of my fics and put me off of writing forever. Someone commented on your original message and said that they don’t post their writing because of messages like that one. You’re right you shouldn’t have taken it out on me, and you wouldn’t have if your name had been associated with it. But here we are, and I’m going to try to make it so this never happens again, at least with the two of us. 

Now, onward to your frustrations. I am sorry that you aren’t getting the attention you want, but one) yelling at me on anon isn’t going to fix that. Two) not to be like callous and insensitive, but that happens to almost every writer I know. I’ve been writing fanfiction for 12 years. This is the seventh fandom I’ve written for and no one ever read my fics before this. My first year on AO3 I published six stories and had 500 views total. I get the frustration, but sometimes you just have to get the perfect combination of exposure, plot, and interest. Three) Do you have any idea how many stories get published in the Peter Parker & Tony Stark tag a day? I’m sorry, I can’t read all of them. I don’t want to read all of them, in fact I have 14 different tags blacklisted. Just because I am a “big name” does not mean I owe you a comment or a kudos. If I like your story, I will tell you. Chances are, I haven’t even seen one of your stories, because I’m an adult with a job and hobbies and writing of my own to do. Most of the “big names” are the exact same except a lot of them also have school. If you want someone to read your stories, ask them. Say “hey, I respect you and your opinion, could you look at this for me?” They will probably say yes unless they have a good reason not to. Don’t just sit there and wait for it to happen and get mad when it doesn’t. Also, this is the third time someone has yelled at me for not reading or commenting on their fics and it makes me less inclined to leave kudos in general in case someone comes and gets mad that I read their fic but didn’t comment. So uh… don’t do this again. 

As for the community, do you want to know how to make friends? Send asks (nice ones) not on anon. We can’t interact with you if you don’t know who you are. Reblog our fics. Comment on our posts. You can’t make friends if no one knows you exist. And the only way to show you exist is show yourself in our notes, in our inboxes. Sitting in your corner of tumblr and being bitter isn’t going to help anyone. This fandom is welcoming and it is kind and it is supportive. You saw how many people came to my defense tonight. If you talk to those people, they’ll talk back, but they can’t reach out to every single Irondad blog, it just isn’t feasible. 

And finally, how to get your fics read more. Like I said, part of it is just… luck. I got in at the very beginning, as did losingmymindtonight, parkrstark, several others, and had already established myself before IW came out and the fandom got bigger. Lucky break on my part, but I’m also a good writer because I’m 25 and I have a Master’s in a writing heavy field and I’ve been writing my entire life. Sometimes it just takes practice. But there is stuff that all good fics have in common, so here we go:

1) Good grammar, good spelling, good punctuation.

I don’t know who you are so I have no idea what your writing is like, but this is stuff I had to tell college students as a teacher, so I’m just going to go over it. 

Are there line breaks between every paragraph? No? There need to be. It’s hard to read when all of the words are bunched together, meaning automatic exits will happen, regardless of content.

Do you start a new paragraph every single time a new person speaks? You should.

“When someone is speaking,” I asked, “do you put a comma before the speech tag?” Commas, not periods. Not periods then commas. Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. 

Are you writing in first or second person (I or you)? Don’t.

Pay attention to your tenses. It is very confusing reading a story that switches tenses every sentence. 

Are you capitalizing the beginning of every sentence and proper noun? You have to. Reading all lowercase takes energy and concentration and readers don’t like to put more effort in than they’re used to. Also it’s just pointless.  

Get a beta reader. Get grammarly (but the free version, don’t pay) or another editing service. Google anything you have a question about. EDIT YOUR WRITING. 

2) New ideas

Every fandom has tropes they love, but not every fic can be a trope fic. Every fic I write is, if not completely new, a spin on a popular trope.

Yes, there are some popular field trip fics, but most of them get lost in the weeds because they are all the same. And most of the people I talk to don’t even like them. (This counts for May dies fics, sensory overload… If you’re going to write it, you have to make it different and you have to make it good.)

Look to other movies or books for ideas, check out irondad-fic-ideas, something. Write something new, something only you can write, and at least some people will notice.

3) Good characterization

Now apparently everything I write is OOC, so maybe I’m not the best person to be giving advice on this :/ (I’m still annoyed. I’m getting over it)

BUT–the best way to write a well-known character is to know the source material. Listen to the way they talk, watch how they move. Ignore fanon. It’s hard, but try. Peter isn’t actually a perpetual ray of sunshine, chatter box 12 year old like we often write him, Tony isn’t 100% sarcasm and incapable of recognizing his own feelings. 

If you can hear the character say it in their actual voice, it’s probably a good line. 

4) Misc.

Fandom rule of thumb: cute fluff and hardcore whump win out over deep character studies on convoluted plot lines. If you’re just looking for hits or maybe a fic to establish yourself, that’s a good way to do it. 

If you’re posting a multi-chapter fic, don’t post it all at once. People will comment on each chapter as you post and you’ll get more hits. 

Respond to comments, especially at the early stages. It makes your readers more invested, it builds friendships, and it makes your stats look better. 

There’s a blog that supports little known writers in this fandom! Rec your fics there!

Make sure to never, ever put “I suck at summaries” or “fic is better than summary” it is an instant turnoff. If you can’t write the thing that makes me want to read the fic well, why would I think I want to read the fic?

Tagging on AO3 is vital. Tag the right relationships, tag the right emotions (angst, fluff, hurt/comfort). I often sort just by these. Always put in the category, (M/M, F/M, etc.) and the rating. There is no reason not to, but not doing so makes people less likely to read. Always tag triggers.

Never steal fics or ideas. If a story inspires you, you can ask the author if you can write something similar and then link in your story back to theirs. Nothing will make you less popular in a fandom than stealing work.

Lastly, I know authors constantly talk about how important comments and kudos are, and they are so important to bolstering spirits, I get that, but if you aren’t writing for yourself first, you will always be disappointed. You should enjoy your fic as much when you read it in your word doc as when you read it online with comments and kudos. And maybe you write really niche stuff that doesn’t appeal to a lot of people, but churning out carbon copies of the Fandom Tropes and hoping for hits is not going to satisfy you and you will keep being frustrated.

Let’s not do this again, shall we? Next time you have a question, ask me nicely.

[damienthepious]

uhhhhhhhh TUESDAY. i’m gettin’ OLD SCHOOL.

The Rite Of Movement (Chapter 5)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters:  Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla, The Keep, Original Monster Character(s), Sir Marc, Sir Talfryn, Sir Angelo, Quanyii, Sir Caroline, Original Human Character(s)

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Engagement, Domestic, Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Poetry, Presents, (this is the MOST self indulgent tooth rotting fluff I've ever ever EVER done please enjoy), (i love my ridiculous scalie/scaley trio), Monster Customs, Dancing, Second Citadel, Post-Season/Series 02 

Fic Summary: Arum has a surprising revelation about his own feelings, and then decides to take matters into his own claws since his humans don’t seem to realize what they are denying themselves.

Chapter Summary: Continuations of two conversations.

Chapter Notes: Don't.... pay attention to how long this fic has been left hanging. Also don't..... hold me to regular updates for this in the future either, lmao i've proven myself unreliable in that context XD i swear i'm doing my best! this one is very freeform tho and sans plot i have trouble kicking things along. ALSO, EDIT, @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile inspired the second half of this chapter pretty directly!!! and i love them dearly with my whole heart!!!! aaaaaaa<3<3<3

~

“They cannot stay here,” Arum says, managing to both snarl and speak under his breath at the same time. It’s- a little impressive, actually. Rilla watches him pace a tight circle at just enough of a distance from the portal that Puck and Tetch probably can’t make out his words. “They cannot. I do not run some sort of- of halfway home for wayward miscreants, be they human or monster or- or anything else.” He pauses, then scowls darker and gestures with a hand, claws slicing the air. “And yet, they cannot leave because they have seen you and if anyone were to bring our- our- to bring us as we are to the attention of the Senate or the humans, all of our lives would be- and with the wedd-” he cuts off, shooting a suspicious look towards the portal again, where Puck appears to be examining the vines that make up the frame the magic fills.

“I am going to have to kill them,” Arum says flatly, eyes narrowing and hands clenching, and Rilla can’t help it anymore. She bursts out laughing.

“Arum- Arum we’re not going to kill them. What are you even- seriously, pay attention, here. Who would they possibly tell?” She smiles, just a little exasperation creeping into her tone. “Look at them, Arum. Look at them and tell me what these two would gain from talking to the Senate or the Citadel.”

Arum looks at Rilla, instead, for a long moment, his jaw clenched tight, and then he sighs, flicking his eyes to the mismatched pair.

Puck runs their hands along the vines of the portal, their face bright with a delighted sort of curiosity. Tetch is behind them, still out in the swamp. Within reach, tense as if anticipating a blow, anticipating the need to defend, but mostly just- watching. Watching Puck, with her head tilted just slightly to the side, her fuzzy antennae twitching.

He presses his lips together, then looks to Amaryllis again. “What does it matter,” he mutters, his tone a little stilted, “if they happen to- if they are-”

“Like us?” Rilla suggests gently.

“They are not-” Arum snaps his jaw shut again, growling low, because-

“You know that they are,” Rilla says. “I mean, I figured we couldn’t be the only ones, but- if I’m being honest I didn’t really expect that we would ever meet another-” she shakes her head. “Not the point right now. Arum, I’m not saying we should let them move in or something, but- it’s not like the swamp is tiny. If all they’re looking for is a place where they can be safe for a little while… it’s not like that would be a difficult thing to help with, would it?”

“Amaryllis-”

“They can’t tell anyone about us because anyone they would tell would hate the pair of them just the same,” Rilla says. “Honestly-” she pauses. “Honestly, Arum, aren’t you even a little bit curious? Or… or even a little bit tempted by the opportunity to talk to someone who’s gone through something like what we have?”

“No,” Arum grumbles, looking away, but Rilla steps closer and lifts a hand. He flicks his eyes to the strangers when she cups his cheek, suspicious of the scrutiny, but they don’t seem to be paying attention, so he only rumbles low in his chest and meets her eyes again. “I care about you,” he mutters. “I care about Damien. They have nothing to do with me, or us. The pair of you and my Keep are my only priorities, Amaryllis.”

Her thumb brushes soft over his cheek, and her smile goes a little more gentle. “I know,” she says, “but helping them too doesn’t take away from that. You’re allowed to do unselfish things, you know. No one here is going to make fun of you for being kind. Honestly, if you just pointed them towards a patch of swamp without any traps that they could camp in for a day or two, they’d probably be grateful enough, but- but I really think we could help more than that, don’t you?”

Arum grumbles, still standing stiffly to keep himself from gathering her close as he truly wishes to. He cannot embrace her, not while they might see, because-

The moth (Tetch, his mind supplies unhelpfully) stands close behind the human as they examine the portal, close enough to wrap a gentle wing around their shoulder like a cape, and even at this distance Arum can see the easy way that Puck leans back into that contact, the light smile that curls their lips.

He pulls his eyes away, and realizes that Amaryllis is still looking up at him, is still waiting for him to answer.

“We… could help. Theoretically.”

Rilla’s own lip curls, then, into an indulgent smirk. “Theoretically,” she echoes.

“There are…” he hesitates, eyes flicking around the room and not settling on any one thing in particular. “A number of outposts in the swamp, of course, similar to the one…”

Rilla’s smirk breaks into something softer when he hesitates again. “Like the one you brought me and Damien to, after… after Fort Terminus? Where we went to talk?”

“Y-yes,” he says. “Smaller places. Technically Keep-grown but not within its direct consciousness, without effort at the very least. Most are… hidden. Indistinguishable from the surrounding flora. Places no one would look, even if they somehow managed to penetrate the outer defenses of my swamp unseen in the first place.” He pauses, and Rilla doesn’t interrupt. She can tell he’s not quite finished, and she doesn’t wanna scare him off of this particular thought. “It… it would not be difficult, of course, to- to allow… rather… I suppose, if all they require is… is a place to exist for a short while…"

Arum pauses again, and again Rilla waits, lifting her other hand so she can cup his face. He glances towards the other pair again, and this time one of them is returning his gaze.

Or- he thought, for a moment, that they were. Puck's expression is even, curious, vaguely fond as they look at Amaryllis, something like recognition in their eyes. They do glance towards Arum, then, only the barest sliver of hope shining through them as they lean back into Tetch's wings with a very, very small smile. They drop his eyes, turning to laugh at something Tetch says in their ear, then, and Arum blinks back to himself.

Rilla waits, and Arum is grateful for her patience in a way he is never quite sure how to voice. He is grateful for every ounce of her being, though, and the small part of that gratefulness devoted to her patience is easy to lose among the whole. Arum sighs, resting his face in the safety of her palms, and then he curls his mouth into a wry sort of smile and lifts his own arms. He has wanted to hold her since he saw her in the doorway, despite his concerns.

Let them see.

Why should he be concerned? He is her betrothed now, after all, and that certainty pools warm at his center as he gathers her in his arms and tugs her against his chest. She breathes a light laugh against him, surprise and delight, one of his favorite noises in the whole of the Universe.

"… until the patch on her wing sets properly," Arum says, very quietly. "I- we will provide a place for them until then. It was my trap that damaged her- her own fault, of course, for- for trespassing, but- nonetheless, my handiwork. It seems … appropriate, to provide some… to provide some small degree of shelter. Until then."

Rilla leans back enough to look up at him, her eyes dark and warm and fond, and then she leans up to kiss him, just gently on the cheek.

"Okay," she says simply, still smiling, and then she reaches and takes two of his hands in her own, slipping her fingers between his, gently playing his digits between her own. "That sounds reasonable. C'mon, let's go let them know, yeah?"

~

“Angelo-”

“Almost there, Sir Damien! Patience for a few moments more, and all shall be revealed."

"I trust you with my life, Sir Angelo, but-" Damien ducks his head, weaving slightly to avoid thunking his head off of a stalactite. Ahead of him, Angelo moves with a deftness of foot that really should not surprise Sir Damien at this point. Sir Angelo the Strong was once simply Angelo of Quarry, after all, and he knows rocks and caverns as Sir Damien knows syllables and rhyme. "But- but we are rather deep, I think, and-"

"Oh, hardly! Why, Sir Damien, I've been in caverns a full three times deeper than this little hole, darker and with far more interesting formations of rock! We are not here for my interest today, though, my friend." Angelo grins wide over his shoulder, the light from the torch in his hand dancing orange and gold over the both of them.

"And… why are we here, exactly?" Damien tries, not for the first time, and an expression of near-comical mischief slides across Angelo's face.

"Soon!" he says by way of an answer, and then he presses his free hand over his wide grin, muffling a laugh. "Very soon, Sir Damien. Just a little further!"

"But you said that same thing," Damien pants, "ten minutes ago, I'm certain it must have been, and I would like to return to my-" he lowers his voice, despite the impossibility of being overheard in this moment, "my fiances before it is too terribly late in the evening, certainly you must understand-"

The narrow cave opens out, revealing a yawning space, an enormous wide bowl of a cavern with a cool, utterly still pool of water submerging the floor of the far half, the ceiling completely covered in wavering forms of stalactites stretching down from every corner. In the low light of the torch the water looks like glass, and the cones on the ceiling gleam with subtle moisture, and the noise of their footsteps resounds softly through the space.

"Angelo," Damien murmurs, "this place is… where are we?"

"I used to come here often when I was young," Sir Angelo says, fond and wistful, placing a hand on the uneven stone of the wall as he carefully arranges the torch to stand on its own in a crack between a pair of rocks. "I am rather boisterous even by my own family's standards, and this was one of very few places I could come where I would not prompt any number of complaints about my- well, my volume."

"Oh," Damien says gently. "Oh, Sir Angelo-"

Angelo turns, grinning wide and delighted, and he grips Damien's shoulders. "Which is why I knew it would be perfect for you, Sir Damien!"

"Er- come again?"

"You must speak your heart, Sir Damien," Angelo says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world, and Damien-

Damien could laugh. He's said those words often enough, he supposes. It is the most obvious thing in the world.

"You are not meant to hide your love in whispers, Sir Damien. You are not meant to keep yourself so quiet, and I thought- I thought, perhaps, that you could use this place as I once did. You may speak as loudly as you wish, here, and you need not fear being overheard by anyone at all. If no one ever heard me, they will certainly not be able to hear you, Damien. Not even if you shout."

Damien blinks up at him, feeling his heart rise in his throat, and Angelo only grins a little wider, squeezing his shoulders.

"I thought, perhaps, that you might wish to shout, to make up for all those whispers."

"Angelo," Damien says, his voice wavering as he lifts his hands to grip Angelo's wrists.

Angelo's eyes sparkle with delight, and he squeezes Damien's shoulders once more before he releases them, stepping aside and patting him on the back instead.

"Now, Sir Damien," he says, his voice conspicuous and loud and his expression exaggeratedly sly, "I believe that you had news to share with me, did you not?"

"I-" Damien inhales, breathes a watery laugh, looks around at this wide, empty, private place that his best rival chose to share with him. "I- Sir Angelo, I already-"

"Come now, Damien, don't be shy! What did you wish to tell me?"

Damien presses a hand over his mouth against his own smile, pressing back against the laughter that he is certain will dissolve into tears. Angelo continues to grin, and he waves his hands in the air, encouraging and nearly giddy, stoking Damien's smile even wider.

Damien inhales, then exhales to try to soothe his overwhelmed, thrumming heart.

"I… I am going to be married," he says, and the cavern bounces his voice back to him in a subtle, soft wave. "Arum- Arum asked us to marry him. He- he wants to," Damien says, the surprise of it still coloring his tone, his voice beginning to raise as the enthusiasm wakes, shivering off his fear. "He wants us, he does, he wants us as much as we want him- he wants us to be married, Angelo, he's going to-"

Damien laughs, wild, reckless.

"I love them so, so much, Angelo, I love them with all of my heart, and they- I want to marry them, I want to be with them for the rest of my life, and they want it just the same! They want to marry me! Me, Angelo, oh Saints above, I-"

He pauses, pressing his hand over his heart, and Angelo waits, patient, his hand pressing as a gentle anchor on Damien's shoulderblade.

"I so rarely feel that I know what I am doing, Angelo. I am- so frightened. I am always so frightened, of dangers real and imagined, of failure, but- but with them I feel safe. Always. Even when they bicker, even when Rilla is exhausted and short-tempered, even when Arum and I cannot see eye-to-eye on a matter, even when I fall into the mire of my own mind, I still and forever feel safe with them, and I know- I know, beneath the terrified churning of my mind, I know in my heart that I am loved. I know that I am held beloved by them, and now I know- I know they wish to stand with me in marriage, they wish for us to pledge ourselves to our union. I am- I am held beloved by the most incredible woman I have ever met, and a regal, stubborn, glorious monster. A monster."

"A monster," Angelo echoes, steady and soft.

"I am…" Damien exhales slowly, then lifts his chin, and his next words are not a shout, but they are firm and confident and so, so proud. "I love a monster. I am loved by one in turn. My beloved flower Rilla loves and is loved by a monster just the same. I love Amaryllis, and I love Lord Arum, and I intend to love them both forever. For as long as they want me. I love them, and they love me, they do, and I- I am going to be their husband."

Angelo's eyes go bright, and his grin approaches the quality of a bonfire, and he throws his arms around Sir Damien's shoulders in a crushing hug.

"Congratulations, my friend!" he booms, his voice loud enough to rattle the space, sending droplets down from the stalactites to ripple the surface of the water. "Congratulations! I am so, so happy for you, Sir Damien. I will be so proud to witness so joyous an event!"

Damien-

His tears are as joyful as the congratulations, and Damien cannot help them in the least. He returns the fierce hug, sniffling against Angelo's shoulder as his eyes well.

"What- what did I ever do, Sir Angelo," he keens, his voice wavering hard, his throat aching, "to deserve this? To deserve to be the husband to such beautiful, radiant, loving, clever beings? What did I do? How could I ever be worthy of-"

Angelo tightens the hug, holding his best friend, best rival steady in his arms. "You loved them, Sir Damien," he says, "as much as they loved you. You loved each other, and you chose each other as your family. That is what you did."

Damien sniffles hard, burying his face in Angelo's shoulder and smiling through his tears. "And you as well," he manages, and Angelo makes a questioning noise. "You are my family too, Sir Angelo. Thank you. For this. For- for standing beside me in every dire conflict, for always encouraging me to grow, to strive, for-"

Angelo lifts, and as Angelo hugs him tight, Damien kicks his feet in the air with a squeaking startled laugh.

[lesbiancarat]

Oohh tis me, the anon that sent the long message about superstar pledis. I am back but this time on the topic of paid content lol

So for a long time I have been a bit surprised we don't see a specific account for svt, that does paid content. Sure you have say like17subs who do alot of hard work to give us subs for content thats mostly free and you may see a kind soul pop up to give us paid content every blue moon but its not like say bts (I know I shouldn't maybe mention bts but they are the best group to go off for examples) with bts, the fandom has a pretty solid network for people who do this. Mainly there is one big one, originally there was two but the first person who went by miintae, closed down. For one at the time they were the only ones responsible for posting paid content like yearbooks, concerts, vlive content, etc but also their difference was they also were an archive for older and even rarer bts content. So many fans like myself who were new to group, found her account super helpful! Welp that sadly had to end because bighit found out about her account thanks to many fans reporting her account and took her down, twice even. I think this and also the stress for constantly having to upload made her leave for good and took down all of her content so I read your reply about how its best to be an archive account. Not really bevause you will STILL get bad apples coming to you for this.

So what is the best solution? I really don't know. For bts I think because since at their close of their career, we have seen accounts pop up for paid stuff so it is sort of established per se that we will see that so you don't see that much fuss (I mean you do, I saw it when bts were on fancafe and fans were saying not to post stuff bc its not ok and we could get bts to stop posting. Never happened lol. We even see it now where fans make it a big deal) so for svt I don't think we saw that and thats why it might be trickier for someone to start this up. Especially now that pledis is with bighit and they have gotten VERY strict over stuff like this. To me, when fans complain about people sharing content makes me scream bc you do realize not everyone can afford such things? They cost money and sometimes these content isn't something that can be watched where they are from because it isn't available in their country or simply they don't want to spent the extra money for whatever their reasoning is. This doesn't make anyone less of a fan, its why fans who CAN support their favs with paying stuff, help balance out things. The company doesn't loose money and fans can enjoy stuff (granted sometimes some paid content is wild like the bh new years event? Why would anyone pay for that?)

Anywho i apologize for annoying you and the people that follow the blog for svt updates lol. I like discussing and yeah cx

ooh thats interesting. dhfjfh i don't mind u bringing up bts for things like this bc it's always interesting to hear experiences from other fandoms bc while kpop fandoms have a lot of similarities and crossovers where u can sometimes make generalizations, it's not always the case. and i always compare things Carats do to toppklass (toppdogg fandom) bc that's the main other experience i have too dhfjfj

but yeah it's doesn't surprise me that the account(s) posting a lot of paid content eventually got reported and taken down, i think all or most kpop fandoms are similar in that aspect bc there are so many capitalist bootlickers here OTL but it's interesting that there were armys that tried whereas like u said, there are only Carats who will upload paid content once in a blue moon

and yeah to be clear I wouldn't be surprised if even an account uploaded archived paid content still got reported either, i just think it might stand a better chance at lasting longer than an account uploading new paid content

i do wonder if any Carats will try at some point in the future, but i don't think it's likely especially bc, as you said, bighit is getting super strict with it. i already saw one account on twt that was planning to stream in-complete but backed out bc they were afraid of getting sued. + just the culture of how anti-pirating Carats are. which yeah I totally agree on all your points about why anti-pirating is dumb lol

but yeah I'd kill to have an account/archive with all of svts paid content all in one place

and lol i actually like talking about this stuff too! i just try not to go out of my way to talk about it bc a) i tend to write a lot when I do and that takes a lot of time and b) i try to keep my blog mostly positive for both mine and my followers sake dhfjf although I'd put the pirating stuff in a more neutral category than purely negative, at least in this context where were mostly talking about logistics dhfjf

also anon if you're planning on popping in my inbox more in the future and you want to give yourself an emoji or nickname so I can tag u just let me know! (u just can't use the 🌙 emoji bc that's taken by a different anon! also if u opt for a nickname nothing ship related or inappropriate, etc :3)

[becasbelt]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Pitch Perfect (Movies) Rating: G Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell Characters: Chloe Beale, Beca Mitchell Additional Tags: Fluff, Established Relationship, Post-PP3

Summary:

Beca and Chloe get stuck in a massive traffic jam in LA. Boredom, teasing, and fluff ensue.

* * *

-5:26 PM-

“Come on! Let’s get a fucking move on, people!”

Chloe giggles at Beca’s annoyance with the traffic in front of them. “I really don’t think that’s going to help this situation at all, babe.”

Beca honks the car’s horn and glares at the person in the car next to them when they glance over. “Well it should,” she stews. “This is fucking ridiculous. I hate LA traffic.”

When Beca had kissed Chloe on the USO tour, Chloe’s entire world had changed for the better. After years of dropping hints, Beca finally figured out that Chloe was in love with her and admitted that she was in love with her, too, after opening for DJ Khalid. Fast forward a few months to now where Chloe went to vet school in West Hollywood while Beca worked on her first album. They were both living their dreams, and Chloe was still pinching herself to make sure it was all real.

Right now, though, it didn’t really feel like a dream. They had gone out for a quick grocery run at around 4:00 and were now apparently stuck in rush hour traffic. In the past half hour they’d gone about one mile, much to Beca’s frustration.

“What’s even going on up there?” Beca asks. “Why the hell aren’t we moving?”

“You know how bad traffic can be here,” Chloe shrugs as she scrolls through her phone. “This is nothing new.”

“Yeah, but I feel like it isn’t usually this bad.” Beca honks the horn again, as if that will make the mile long traffic ahead of them move faster.

They sit in silence while Beca stews and grumbles, the sounds of cars honking and the radio playing softly filling up the space around them. Beca cranes her neck to try and see farther in front of her, but to no avail. Eventually, she slumps down in her seat in defeat.

“Well now we’re not even moving at all,” the grumpy brunette laments, putting the car in park. She crosses her arms angrily over her chest.

“Apparently there’s a huge crash like three miles ahead of us,” Chloe informs her, pulling up a news coverage clip from her Twitter feed and passing her phone over to show Beca. “A bunch of semis collided and spilled stuff all over the highway. It’s pretty bad.”

Beca scowls at the device and hands it back. “Great. GREAT. This is just perfect. I love this for us right now.”

“At least we didn’t have any plans for tonight,” Chloe says, trying to sound positive.

Beca just groans and hits her head against the steering wheel.

-5:45 PM-

“Ugh, can we skip this song?”

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“It’s fine, but it’s way too happy for this situation.”

“Well, in that case, I think I’ll keep it on. You need a little positivity right now, Bec.”

“You know, if I didn’t love you so much I’m positive that I would hate you.”

“That’s the spirit!”

-6:02 PM-

“Okay, that’s it, I’m turning the car off,” Beca announces after they haven’t moved in twenty minutes. She turns the key in the ignition, shutting the engine off but keeping the music on.

Chloe raises an eyebrow. “You know, now that you’ve turned the car off we’ll probably start moving soon. That’s usually how it goes.”

“All the more reason to turn it off, then,” Beca replies with a cheeky grin. She reaches down and unbuckles her seatbelt, and Chloe does the same. “You know,” Beca says a moment later, tearing her eyes away from the cars around them to look at Chloe. “If I have to get stuck in a giant traffic jam, I’m glad you’re stuck here with me.”

A grin spreads on Chloe’s face and she bites her bottom lip. “You’re such a sap, Mitchell,” she teases, reaching over to pinch at Beca’s cheek. Beca swats her hand away.

“You see, this is why I never use sincerity,” Beca complains with a glare. “I’m always made fun of whenever I do.”

Chloe softens slightly. “That’s only because I love it so much when you’re sincere,” she says sweetly, leaning in to kiss Beca’s cheek. She pulls back to see a slight blush on the other girl’s face. “And I’m really glad I’m here with you, too.”

Beca grins and looks away shyly, turning up the music’s volume instead of answering.

-6:19 PM-

Chloe huffs and slumps down in her seat. “I’m borrrred.”

Beca, who’s busy answering emails, glances over at her. “Yeah, I know. I heard you the first fifteen times you told me.”

“Well I’m bored because you’re not paying attention to me,” Chloe laments. She sticks her hand out the open window. “I thought we were in this together, but you’re off in superstar land.”

Beca winces and clicks off her phone, setting it in the cup holder. “Sorry, it’s just Theo asking about some stuff for the album.”

A car nearby starts blasting “Elmo’s World” from its speakers, and Chloe is momentarily distracted before responding to Beca. “What does he want this time?”

Beca starts shuffling between radio stations. “He doesn’t like some of the lyrics for the one we’re recording tomorrow, so he was sending over some revisions.”

Chloe hums. “Did you like them?”

“Eh,” Beca shrugs, apparently indifferent. “They were fine. I wasn’t too attached to the original lyrics anyways.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

They sit in silence for a while and Chloe turns her attention back to the car still playing Elmo’s theme song, intrigued.

“Okay, well now I’m bored.”

Chloe looks over at Beca. “Oh how the turntables,” she says, quoting The Office with a raised eyebrow.

Beca rolls her eyes. “I hate that show,” she claims.

“Sure you do,” Chloe says, nodding her head. “That’s why I caught you watching it when I got home the other day.”

“That means nothing,” Beca defends immediately, crossing her arms over her chest. “It just happened to be on when I turned on the TV.”

Chloe hums in disbelief. “If that’s what you’re going to stick with, then good for you.”

Beca huffs. “Well, it’s the truth, so,” she punctuates the unfinished thought with a tongue click.

“You want to watch it right now?”

“…well I guess it couldn’t hurt. Since we’re both bored and all.”

-6:51 PM-

“Babe, this is your song!”

“Okay, we’re changing it for sure this time. Ow! What was that for, dude?”

“Beca Mitchell, don’t you dare switch away from this song.”

“Okay, okay. Jesus, did you really have to hit me that hard?”

“It was a preventive strike.”

“It was mean.”

“Poor baby. Do you want me to kiss it better?”

“I mean… it might make me feel a little better. It’s worth a shot, at least.”

-7:08 PM-

Chloe stifles a grin as Beca slyly places a hand on her lower thigh. She continues to flip through the car manual she found in the glove box like she hasn’t noticed. “Hey, Bec, I think I finally know how to change the time on the clock. They have complete step-by-step instructions in here and everything.”

“That’s nice,” Beca says distractedly. Her fingers begin to draw lazy circles along the bare skin on the inside of her thigh, slowly making their way farther up Chloe’s leg. Chloe clears her throat to focus herself.

“We can also change the display to show what cardinal direction we’re going in, too.”

“Neat.”

“And if you hold down the hazard button for ten seconds, the car will self-destruct.”

“Awesome.”

Chloe snaps the booklet shut. “Beca, you know we can’t start something right now,” she lectures, gesturing down at her lap, and while Beca blushes and looks guilty, she doesn’t remove her hand. “There are literally people all around us.”

Beca shrugs. “I don’t think they’re paying attention,” she says lowly, lightly dragging her fingers along smooth skin. Chloe gulps and resists the urge to spread her legs further. “No one would notice if we just…”

She trails off as she leans forward to place a warm kiss on Chloe’s jawline. Chloe sighs and closes her eyes at the feeling of wet heat moving along her neck. She weaves a hand through Beca’s hair and tilts her head to allow her more access.

Chloe’s eyes lazily drift back open and she’s met with the sight of an old lady in the car next to theirs staring right at them. Embarrassment replaces the arousal in Chloe’s body, and she hastily pushes Beca off of her. Beca looks at her in confusion.

“Uh, people are paying attention, apparently,” Chloe explains, gesturing subtly to the old lady. Beca’s confusion is immediately overtaken by shock and a blush spreads across her cheeks. She waves awkwardly to the lady and pivots in her seat to stare look pointedly out the other window.

Okay, so they definitely needed to keep their hands to themselves in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Chloe files the information away for future reference.

-7:32 PM-

Beca groans and pushes her seat as far away from the steering wheel as she can, stretching out her legs. “It’s too damn hot in here.”

Chloe, who’s waving the car’s insurance papers in front of her face to cool off, nods in agreement. “It really is. Are you sure we can’t turn on the car for a little bit?”

“We’re pretty low on gas,” Beca says hesitantly. “I don’t want to risk running out as soon as we finally get out of this mess.”

Chloe pouts but doesn’t fight her on it. She looks out the window and sees some people ahead of them standing outside of their cars talking and gets an idea. Beca peers curiously over at her when Chloe opens her door.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

“I am getting some fresh air,” Chloe states as she gets out of the car. The blood starts rushing through her legs like normal again while a gentle breeze brushes against her sweaty forehead. Chloe lets out a sigh of relief. She closes the door behind her and rounds to the driver’s side of the car.

Beca squints up at her through her open window. “You’re really going to be one of those people that gets up and walks around during a traffic jam?”

Chloe leans down, resting her forearms on the window sill and sticking her head back in the car a bit. “I don’t see any other options. It’s better than sweating through our clothes in the hot car.”

Beca glances down at her slightly damp t-shirt and plucks at it with her fingers, frowning. “You may have a point.” She turns off the car all the way and pushes open her door, joining Chloe on the road. Chloe claps her hands in excitement.

“It’s kind of neat just standing out on the highway like this, don’t you think?” she asks, turning around in place to take in her surroundings. Beca chuckles and lets her gaze drift to some cars off in the distance.

“It is a small sort of accomplishment, I suppose.”

Chloe takes one of Beca’s hands and tugs her to the trunk of their car. “I’m hungry. Didn’t we buy some granola bars or something?”

Beca opens the trunk and sifts through the grocery bags inside. “Doesn’t look like it, babe,” she says, but sticks her hand in a bag anyways. Her tongue pokes out in concentration as she tries to get a grip on something in the bag, and Chloe bites her lip at how cute the expression makes her girlfriend look. Then, a look of victory crosses Beca’s face. “Aha! I knew these were in there!” Beca pulls her hand out to produce a box of frosted sugar cookies.

She starts attempting to open them while Chloe wrinkles her nose in confusion. “I didn’t know you bought those,” she says, watching Beca fail to open the plastic packaging. “When did you add those to the cart?”

Beca doesn’t tear her eyes away from her challenge. “You were looking at that magazine cover I was on, and I snuck it on the belt,” she says, the struggle eminent in her voice.

Chloe watches her fight the box in amusement for a few more seconds before gently prying it away from Beca’s hands, opening it with ease. She hands it back to Beca with a sweet smile. Beca attempts to look unembarrassed. “Thanks,” she mutters before reaching in and taking a cookie out, shoving half of it in her mouth at once.

They munch on the box of cookies, sitting on the hood of the car. A few people come up to them to make small talk, mostly commenting on how sucky the situation is, though none of them stick around for very long. Soon the cookies are gone, leaving Chloe and Beca to sit in comfortable silence.

Beca reaches over and pulls Chloe’s left hand into her lap, playing with her fingers. Chloe smiles softly and looks over at the brunette, but Beca’s eyes are focused on their hands. Lithe fingers run along the tendons on the back of her hand, and up and down the veins lining the inside of her wrist. Beca delicately rubs her thumb over Chloe’s ring finger with a contemplative look on her face, then brings their hands up to press a kiss to her knuckles a moment later.

Chloe hums in contentment and leans against Beca’s side, watching people ahead of them walking around and conversing with one another. Beca squeezes her hand once, and Chloe’s smile grows even wider.

-8:14 PM-

“Chlo, am I crazy, or is that an ice cream truck?”

Chloe looks in the direction that Beca is pointing in to see that, yes indeed; there is an ice cream truck in the near distance. To make it even more bizarre, people seem to be buying ice cream from the truck.

Beca and Chloe look at each other. They come to a silent agreement and slide of the hood of the car. When they reach the truck, there’s only one other person in line, so they’re able to quickly purchase two cones – chocolate for Chloe, vanilla for Beca – and weave their way through the traffic back to their own car.

They lean against the passenger side door and watch the sun slowly start to sink in the sky as they eat their ice cream. Chloe steals licks from Beca’s cone every once in a while, which her girlfriend pretends to grumble about, but Chloe can tell she doesn’t actually mind.

The ice cream truck starts playing music in the distance, and Chloe smiles as Beca starts quietly harmonizing with it under her breath.

-8:24 PM-

“If I die in this traffic jam, will you tell Theo that I won’t be able to make it to our meeting on Wednesday?”

“You’re not going to die, Beca.”

“I’m starting to lose hope that we’ll ever get out of this.”

“You’re so overdramatic.”

“Oh yeah? Well you’re under dramatic.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know. Give me a break, my brain’s fried from sitting here for three hours.”

“Fair enough.”

-8:47 PM-

Chloe glances up from her nearly dead phone and does a double take at what she sees. She slaps at Beca’s arm excitedly. “Bec, people are moving!”

Beca lurches up from her slumped position over the wheel. She rubs at her eyes and blinks groggily out the front windshield. “There is a God after all,” she murmurs in awe, starting up the car.

Chloe whoops loudly as they begin to drive, joining in with the cheers from the cars around them. Beca lets out a victory cry of her own that makes Chloe double over laughing in her seat. Chloe starts belting out “We Are the Champions” at the top of her lungs, and Beca doesn’t even try to protest before she starts to sing along.

When Beca steers the car onto the exit ramp to get off the highway, Chloe lets out a contemplative hum and says, “You know, that actually wasn’t too bad. I think that was a great way to spend our evening.”

“And I think that’s probably the craziest thing you’ve ever said.”

“Okay, rude.”

“It’s true, dude.”

“Hmm. Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I love you.”

Beca grins and reaches out to take Chloe’s hand. “Love you, too, weirdo.”

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1 Chapter 4

• Hello guys! I’m trying to finish this early because I’m shifting house (not too far from where I’m already living, and closer to kiddo’s nursery! 😁). Fingers crossed I can finish it prior to us shifting.

• Before I begin, I feel I must apologize for neglecting to place a trigger warning for discussing infertility, considering I posted screenshots of Hana’s scene referencing that last chapter and spoke at length about it. The people who have discussed it on my posts have been unfailingly kind and sensitive in their approach to speaking about it, and I failed to display the same sensitivity. I will make sure I don’t repeat that mistake in the future.

Content Warning: The end of this QT will feature a discussion on last week’s Hana scene in the doctor’s office, so TW for discussions on infertility.

• Screenshot Credits:

@pixieferry for Hana + the Abhirio YouTube channel

@thefirstcourtesan + the BizzysChoices YouTube channel for Drake

@boneandfur + Abhirio YouTube channel for Maxwell

• I’m also halfway through a QT for Book 1 Chapter 5. Thought I’d revisit the original series while I was at it. What do you guys think?? If you’re interested do mention if you want to be tagged! You can check out my QTs for the first four chapters from my Masterlist, linked on my bio 😀

• Short chapter, this. I’m pretty sure all the deep digging into history etc will happen idk in Texas. Coz Texas is where Drake’s maternal home is and this entire series - TRR Book 2 onwards - has just been a massive Drake’s-ass-kissing exercise for the writers, let’s be honest. But at least right now, we will get a feel of what the rivals who want to corner us into an alliance look like, sound like, and want.

• Title: Courting Crowns

Does this chapter alone need an alternative title? Does it really?? You might as well rename the entire series no, since just one LI seems to matter. Call it The Grumpy Commoner’s Pub Trail instead (@callmetippytumbles came up with this phrase in an ask on Lily Spencer once).

• I know I sound bitter but how else do you expect me to sound when the writers are THIS blatant about their favouritism. And tbh they’ve been doing that Book 2 onwards.

• So the chapter begins where we left off - the MC meets up with all the LIs in the solarium. They confirm that the people responsible were the paparazzi, and the angle they’re trying to spin is that the Queen of Cordonia/Duchess of Valtoria is an irresponsible woman who is somehow magically pregnant (even in a Hana playthrough!) AND being careless. Thank you Cordonian paps, I’m sure you know my body better than I do.

• Madeleine speaks of doing “damage control” while Bertrand “gallavants away” to Texas as if we were never busy doing damage control for her during the Unity Tour.

• LMAO @ all the responses to “I’ll show them how serious I am about producing an heir”. Especially the Maxwell MC 😅

(Screenshots: @pixieferry for Hana, @boneandfur for Maxwell and BizzysChoices YouTube channel for Drake)

• Liam we know that shy retiring gentleman act is the biggest sham there is. I’ve read your diamond scene.

• Alright so now we prep for the Ball. MC will oversee party arrangements, Drake will check with Mara on security, Hana will help with decor, and Maxwell will make sure there is plenty of bubblyyyy, wiggly letters and all. No idea what Liam is doing. Mysterious King things, I suppose.

• It’s now the night of the Ball and Hana (thank God) is helping us get ready, having already gotten ready herself first. What’s interesting (and not in a good way) is WHAT she’s wearing:

To your left is a screenshot from my playthrough, where Hana is wearing her beloved handmade traditional outfit. To your right is a screenshot from a playthrough @thefirstcourtesan did, in which Hana wears the understated LBD she wore for the MC’s bachelorette in Vegas (whether she was the bride or not). The interesting bit is that I bought the scene where Hana got her outfit back, and @thefirstcourtesan didn’t do it for that particular playthrough.

What’s more, is that I noticed in the previous book…that while the outfit on the left was an option during her wedding, it definitely wasn’t an option for the final ball in Book 3 if you didn’t pay to secretly take it from Lorelei - Hana pretty much chooses her costume gala flower gown in that case.

Are you telling me that if I don’t buy to get her own handmade outfit back, you’ve basically taken it out of her hands???

I’ll get into why this could actually be so messed up later.

• Even if Hana doesn’t have this particular outfit, why does she have to go for something so toned-down?? This is something she last wore (by default) to a bachelorette party! Why couldn’t they choose to put her in her Costume Gala gown instead? That would have worked for such a huge formal ball. At the very least it would have worked better than her LBD.

•

Not gonna lie, this annoyed me a fair bit. One, could it really have been that hard to do some of the work for this, MC? Like I said in my previous QT, the MC still doesn’t seem to take much effort to read up or ask questions about what’s going on, however powerful a figure she is. Two, I am done, done, with how much work Hana has to be doing on the MC’s behalf without getting much credit in return. She’s been doing this since Book 1. In the first two books I could somewhat understand - the MC was new, she had no idea where to begin looking, Bertrand and Maxwell weren’t exactly the most efficient support system to integrating into Cordonian society, everything was unfamiliar. That’s now not the case. She is a powerful, influential figure who has all the resources possible to understand the situation if she really wanted to. But she is still waiting on people to spoonfeed the information to her, and a friend like Hana tends to get very, very little in return.

• When I first saw this scene on my Liam playthrough, I was wondering how the Hana equivalent would look. I mean, she was dealt with a pretty heavy emotional blow the previous day. Would it still weigh on her? Would the MC check in to find out how she was doing?

Nothing of the sort happened. It was the same scene, except perhaps for a reference to Hana being a duchess. So I thought, well, maybe since it’s a heavy conversation, they’ll probably integrate it into the diamond scene, right? After all, I’d just seen a Drake scene that dealt with his reasons for agreeing to Liam’s request. Surely Hana would be given a similar courtesy?

• Okay so Hana’s research yields these results regarding our guests:

- King Bradshaw and Queen Isabella of Auvernal: Bradshaw is the kind who likes to get his way, apparently, and Isabella likes people with a sense of humour.

- Queen Amalas of Monterisso: is mysterious. That is all.

- Other Leaders: from distant countries, basically just coming to the part to have a good time.

• I think this is interesting in terms of the sheer variety of people we’re needing to handle in one party alone. All of them with different personalities, aims and agendas. Unlike Cordonia, which operates on particular codes of conduct that we are now used to, we have to pick up the subtle cues Hana gives us to figure out what works for which royal. We’re definitely being kept on our toes this chapter, and I like when that happens.

•

Ooo blingy. Very nice. Green and gold is an amazing combination, the applique on the gown is beautiful, the illusion neckline is nice, and I like seeing small pearls weaved into such a fancy outfit! Honestly we should have had something similar to this in Fydelia last book, rather than being expected to waltz in that green minidress. The only downer is that Hana’s free outfit COULD have been just as opulent but they opted to dress her down instead. And that’s not the first time they force her to dress down for occasions where she could dress like a star.

• The guys are dressed up for the occasion too. Liam in his official outfit with the medals and sash, Drake in his grey suit, Maxwell in his formal black suit sans tie. Only if you’re with Hana, do you not see your LI in their full regalia at the stairs (since we already took a good look at her at the boutique). Whichever LI you are married to (if male), you will greet at the stairs, entering the hall with them.

• Following your entry, you and your LI split up to meet and talk to your guests separately. There’s not a lot we see of our LIs’ interactions, as this chapter is mostly focussed on the MC’s first impression of these royals.

•

So you have three characters established as the most powerful (Bradshaw and Isabella, and Amalas. I recognize the sprite for Amalas as being similar-ish to Vasquez’s girlfriend in The Senior, but with different hair and styling. I read somewhere that Bradshaw’s sprite is also from another character in another series?), one character that’s there as a nod to another series (Princess Marguerite from The Heist: Monaco, who I like to believe is living her best life and happily romancing Miranda), and the other ‘distant kingdom’ characters for which they used sprites from other books (Erin from HSS, Khaan from PM, and Scarlett from VoS).

• Rather than going chronologically, I’m going to first go from the royals that were added more for extra flavour and a party atmosphere, to the royals the narrative actually focuses on:

- King Eirik: Very easily to please. Just remember the guy’s name. I’m not exactly sure he’s used to that (or Khaan Mousavi is on the run from Eros again and wants to make sure the MC won’t suss out who he really is).

- Lerato and Lesidi: So you can choose to please either sister, because each of them have different opinions on what matters. (I’m guessing Scarlett decided to give her brother in Washington some tough competition. “You’re contesting for a Senate seat? Well sucks to be you because I’m going make myself a goddamn princess!!” At the very least I know she upgraded from Tanner). Lerato can’t stand Constantine (like normal people), and is appreciative of efforts that better the lives of Cordonians. Lesidi is younger (you’re supposed to be in school Erin!!) and really just loves a good party. So as long as you move away from the chest-beating “Cordonia’s strength” response, and opt for either a noble cause or just plain good fun, your royal reputation will be fine.

(Honestly the least PB can do is replace Scarlett’s S necklace with something else if she’s just going to be a convenient sprite. Or give all her doppelgangers S names, idk).

- Marguerite: She is an out-and-out romantic and that’s definitely the vibe they’re going for here. She’s also amazing and sweet with the MC, unconditionally offering friendship and advice. You don’t get reputation points with her since she’s lovely to you anyway, but you do get to ask her what her opinion is on either Bradshaw and Isabella, you and your LI as a couple, or the other royals. The answer to the first question seems the most important, hinting at a future role perhaps. She warns us to be careful around them.

- Bradshaw and Isabella: The approach for these two is interesting. I hated the characters (esp Bradshaw, which I’m sure was what the narrative wants me to be doing) and their acting like I’m PANTING to marry off my unborn child to one of their twins - but the overall scene with them I found interesting. Bradshaw seems to operate on extremes - either you grovel in front of him or you aggressively push back, he likes both approaches. He doesn’t seem to have an appreciation for diplomacy and would you fight with him rather than give him a neutral response. Isabella likes seeing a sense of humour in people, and seems to enjoy it if you tell her that “when no one’s trying to kill me, this place isn’t so bad”. In any case, the only way to keep up with both is to take turns choosing answers that will interest them. I found the guessing quite challenging and fun, not so much the insinuations that I would arrange my child’s marriage before they’re even conceived.

- Amalas: Perhaps the most intriguing, and that’s probably on purpose. They’re clearly highlighting her as the underdog in this court, the mysterious Queen no one knows about (although the Black Widow reference does hint at her at least being suspected of killing her husband? Since the female black widow spider is famous for eating the male after mating). She makes a persuasive case about how Monterisso and Cordonia are “cut from the same cloth”, are both small (how many climates and landscapes does Monterisso have) countries with amazing wealth, that Auvernal wants to push into an unequal alliance with the promise of their military prowess. Amalas’ suggestion is to join hands so they can find strength together and push back against the kind of intimidation Bradshaw is showing them.

• Queen Eleanor was from Auvernal? So Liam is half-Cordonian and half-Auvernese? That must be interesting. I wonder if we will possibly see more about these foreign relations during Constantine’s time and what it must have been like. Also why do I hear practically nothing about Constantine from this exchange? They mention Eleanor, but refer to only her - especially when they’re talking about her hospitality and treating them with respect. There’s nothing much to make out of it yet (though you have at least one other person openly expressing a negative view of him), but it’s an interesting point to note nonetheless.

• QUEEN ESTHER NOW HAS A NEW CORGI!!! Since the first was named Joy, I thought I’d name the lady corgi Hope xD

• I know the narrative is writing Amalas as this mysterious, seductive figure (it’s working on me, okay! 🙈) the underdog and the cool person that everyone wants to know and be friends with - but all said and done, she advocates these bizarre ideas to make kids have betrothals on their cribs too. She’s just a little more persuasive and a little less heavy-handed about it. So I have my doubts still.

• It’s also kind of interesting that there is no specified sex given for Amalas’ child? Is customization possible for both her child and ours?

•

(Screenshots: Abhirio’s YouTube channel for Hana and Maxwell, BizzysChoices YouTube channel for Drake)

Aww @ all the LIs’ reactions to the new corgi!

• So…the MC comes out of these interactions with multiple nobles and royals either exhausted, frustrated or worried, and the LI comforts her in whatever way they can, reassuring her that things will go well. She can either feel majorly annoyed about having to deal with so much royalty, be weirded out by the kind of attention the baby she hasn’t even (possibly) conceived yet is getting, or she’s afraid the alliances won’t happen. Either way, the LI is there to help her, and suggests they sneak out and spend a little time together before dealing with the guests again.

• The basic format for this scene is very, very similar for three LIs: Liam, Hana and Maxwell. The MC agrees to sneak out, the LI takes her to the bedroom (or in Liam’s case, they have an tiny extra scene where Princess Marguerite is passing them while they’re making out in the corridor). They begin a fun, sexy game of their choosing, which the MC enjoys and which eventually leads to them sleeping together. This is followed by a short conversation after which the LI and MC go back to the hall.

This is the breakdown for each LI:

- Liam: After almost being caught red-handed making out in the corridor by Princess Marguerite, Liam and his wife make it to the bedroom. Liam plays Twenty Questions with her, quizzing her on details about the rulers she met. For each answer she gets right, he gives her a kiss (well…he kisses her even otherwise because she is impossible to resist). Once they’ve slept together, the couple then briefly discuss both their honeymoon period and then the decision they will need to make regarding alliances. The last bit is spoken about in an extremely vague manner.

- Maxwell: Immediately after the MC accepts, the two enter their bedroom and begin to do a little roleplay. Maxwell pretends he came into the bar where the MC worked alone, and that she isn’t a waitress (the player gets to choose her role: a spy, a museum curator or a jewel thief). Once they’ve slept together, they chat a little before going back to the guests, and one of the things the MC can opt to mention is that Maxwell “will be a great dad” even if he’s a fun uncle type. Oh, like that conversation Maxwell and his MC never got to have back on their honeymoon? 🤔

- Hana: Immediately after the MC accepts, the two enter their bedroom and do what the MC calls “an ice-cream strip game”. Either one has to taste an ice cream and correctly guess the flavour, and if they don’t get it right, they have to shed an item of their clothing. This includes fun flavours like bubblegum, rum-and-raisin and lemon sorbet. Hana then heats things up by running a little ice cream down the MC’s neck instead of letting her taste. Once they’ve slept together, the couple chat for a bit, after which the MC thanks Hana for everything she’s been doing for her. Hana is sweet and humble and the MC can optionally tell her how incredible she is but somehow the events of the previous day never come up (again, more on this later).

(Screenshots: @pixieferry for Hana and @boneandfur for Maxwell)

• HOWEVER, not only is the format of Drake’s diamond scene different, but so is the location! Drake’s diamond scene begins with the couple wanting a moment alone - the MC even takes a bottle along and there is some light hearted teasing about how he isn’t the only person in the relationship who drinks. This is followed by a four minute long makeout scene somewhere in the foyer (to give you an idea of how much time that took - Liam’s corresponding makeout scene lasts barely a minute), and the MC - to get them real privacy - takes him to that HUGE kinda dilapidated area that we once took Hana to, in Book 3…presumably to ravish each other and then watch the sunset. Which is exactly what they do.

Shortly after this, Drake and the MC enjoy the sight of the sun setting, and then discuss their future and one important aspect of Drake’s past - his changing attitudes towards nobility. The MC at this point gets to ASK him why he agreed to Liam’s proposal. He has this to say:

(Screenshot from @thefirstcourtesan)

I mean…that moment wasn’t exactly OOC only for Drake. Hana and Maxwell pretty much would have had the same questions too, but there hardly are even given the space to ask those questions. Yet somehow the team had the time and the energy to delve into just one character?

Drake gets to expand on what seeing Savannah’s family makes him feel. Drake gets to speak about his loyalty to his friend and his changing attitude to the nobility. He is lauded by the public and the press for doing and saying the bare minimum. And now, he gets an LI scene that allows him to speak at length, while the other LIs are restricted to maybe a few lines.

• I really do feel conflicted about Drake’s big scene about his loyalty to his best friend,and his issues about nobility, happening in an undercroft where Hana was once supposed to have her own big scene about family and selfhood, last book - one that we never got. Because the writers didn’t care enough.

• We now return to the Ball, and after mingling for a while, the MC gets to see what almost everyone else is doing.

King Bradshaw is bemused by Maxwell’s love for dance offs and desire to be a court jester (I know Brad but that’s basically what the writers reduced him to).

Kiara LOVES Queen Amalas’ pantsuit because it is “elegant, yet bold” and a pleased Amalas tells Kiara she should try wearing one (I’d love to see how that looks honestly 😃).

Marguerite is talking to Drake and Hana. Drake isn’t very happy that someone besides him is monopolizing this conversation and Hana is LOVING IT (same, sis, saaaaame).

•

@ Drake: This is literally your life now. You knew you would have to deal with a press meet last chapter and you knew there would be a goddamned ball where you’d have to do networking this chapter. Be prepared from now on and stop complaining, Jesus.

@ Hana: I love it when Hana trolls people, and I feel it she doesn’t get to do it often enough. Remember her impressions of Drake in Fydelia during Unity Tour. They should let her do one for everyone in the group. Please let Hana troll people more. Let her troll all of Cordonia!!

• The night winds down, and we get to see who we have impressed and who we haven’t. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Isabella’s attitude towards you hinges on your sense of humour, Bradshaw on your ability to push back and fight for what you want. Amalas on your uniqueness and that je ne sais quoi feel that seems to set you apart from the others. The other royals on different aspects: either your ambition and desire to serve the people, or the ability to let loose and have a good time! We get to know all of this on their way to the door.

• I’m glad Olivia didn’t show up here. Can you imagine just how mad she’d get if she heard all this nonsense about having marriage alliances done before these children were even born?? She’d suffered in a situation very much like that, and I think she’d be damned to let what happened to her happen to another kid. You’d need to hold her back from using an axe against these people.

• Whatever the outcome is, the MC expresses her worries to the LI, the LI comforts her and then suggests they make a road trip to America since Savannah and Bertrand are getting married there (another trip…seriously??? Please for the love of God just stay in the country/duchy and properly RULE it for once!!).

• Next set of chapters is clearly going to be taken over by the Walker family, and we’ll talk and hear about nothing else for the next couple of weeks.

General Thoughts:

• …why is no one asking where the paparazzi came from? Our paps? Their paps? Which magazine was it. Why are you so intent on making your characters look so stupid PB. They’re so stupid. My head hurts.

• Why are they saying I was in a hot tub I never saw a hot tub in that villa.

• I know some questions should be unanswered for future plot…but…you don’t think a SINGLE person would be wondering who sent them in the first place? Considering the last time photos of us were taken without our consent it was pretty much from someone who had an agenda?

• So…over the weekend I tried to do a fail playthrough of my own for Book 1 (I was dying guys I was dying. So much secondhand embarrassment. How did I survive that 😭). And since I was doing this so soon after I finished this chapter, I kinda ended up making parallels between Queen Regina’s first meeting with the suitors in Chapter 5 there, and how especially the Bradshaw/Isabella/Amalas meetings went here.

I remember distinctively that displaying a “sense of humour” was actively discouraged (Regina even says “fools use laughter to cover up their own ignorance” in the same tea party), and how highly qualities like stoicism and diplomacy are held in esteem. Bradshaw and Isabella are the antithesis to that (Bradshaw also shows slight similarities with Regina in terms of liking a challenge. During the croquet game in Book 1, Regina makes it clear that she “detests those who don’t have the stomach to stand up to me”. Bradshaw, too, seems to have more respect for an MC who stands up to him…but in perhaps a more patronizing way)

Interestingly, if the press has labelled you “Mystery Woman” in Book 1, Regina points out that “no one can remain a mystery long when they’re a public servant and must attend to the people”. Yet it is almost impossible for Hana - whose research skills are clearly on another level - to find any information about Queen Amalas.

• Tbh I kinda love that shift. By branching out and navigating through the landscape not just in but around Cordonia, the MC gets a broader view of what politics is like around this area. She gets to read the other person’s cues and behaviour, compare it with the information she has been given, and make an informed decision on what would work right with them. I hated the overall presumptuousness from the main players, but I definitely enjoyed the dynamics.

• I wonder if we will see Regina again at some point! I'm doing my Book 1 playthrough and she's kinda growing on me this time.

• The diamond scene was good on its own…until I started checking the other routes. And that’s been the case more and more often with TRR. You start out thinking “great, a nice love scene with teasing and seduction and your LI showing you just how good they are in bed, with some tender moments afterwards”. Then you look at other playthroughs and realize (if you’re a Liam stan) that their scenes were shorter and there was less to talk about. THEN you look at a playthrough like Drake’s…and find a completely different backdrop, a completely different format and an issue that his fans were complaining about being addressed. In detail. I’m a Liam stan, there is at least a little more I know I’m going to get (besides my LI being happy and not making stupid decisions in a playthrough where he is single). Hana and Maxwell get practically nothing, the writers aren’t even pretending to scrape the bottom of the barrel to give them content.

• If they’d really bothered to even this out, they could have used the end of these scenes to answer important questions. Liam could maybe tell us exactly what his experience of dealing with these kings and queens have been like, since he has had more experience with them in terms of diplomatic relations. He could speak about how it feels to have these sort of powerful, invasive figures make constant demands on him, and how that would weigh on him. After all these are the kinds of people he might have had to work with ever since Leo abdicated. Or what about Maxwell? In the livestream the writers claimed that he “grew into fatherhood”…How? Where? Why was this journey not worth showing? This diamond scene could have focused on what his turning point into that growth was, especially since Drake got that space to talk about it.

• I got two very, very bitter reminders of that horrid scene they gave Hana in Book 3 Chapter 15, in this chapter itself. One was - as I told you - the fact that if you didn’t buy this scene (that wasn’t even worth TWO diamonds, much less the 15 you could spend on it), her handmade outfit disappears after the wedding. She doesn’t have it as an option for the ball in the finale, she can’t wear it this chapter and is instead made to dress herself in a very muted style (which honestly kind of reminds me of how she was constantly treated like the “wedding planner” or “bridesmaid” rather than the bride, at her own damn wedding).

I assumed, this entire time, that even if you didn’t get the outfit in Book 3…the improved relationship with Lorelei shortly after would mean she’d get her dress back (since the reason she had to take away Hana’s clothes from her didn’t even exist anymore). Why would a Hana who HAS this outfit (at least up until the wedding) be coded as no longer owning it or considering to wear it if you didn’t buy that scene? I see no reason why it would be around and she’d not want to wear it. Her love for that outfit wouldn’t lessen just because she wasn’t running all around Valtoria to retrieve it.

So what should I assume? That Hana and her parents maybe made peace with each other but Lorelei still took her most precious item of clothing anyway? And now Hana doesn’t even get to wear it now for special occasions to represent her other home? She has to opt for an outfit she wore for a bachelorette while her wife/friend is (optionally) dressed to the nines? Just so you can stroke your ego about how this shitty diamond scene from the last book will now be of some use?

I mean…just the fact that getting back together with her parents but not getting stuff that is HERS back…I don’t even know what to say.

• TW: I speak about Hana’s scene with the doctor from last chapter again here.

• The other reminder of what a trainwreck that scene was, was definitely Drake’s diamond scene, which takes place in the same secret spot. If you didn’t buy the scene, then this was a place the MC just discovered, and if you did, she mentions seeing this place with Hana. I recall, while buying this scene, waiting and waiting for Hana to say more about that grandmother who made her dress with her, or about how her views on her parents have changed…or literally anything. But nothing much actually happened rather than a very shallow conversation and a kiss if you were her fiancée. Now in the same spot, I see Drake get a special scene with special dialogues exploring facets of his journey (and by now I’ve completely lost count of the number of times I’ve seen this happen). In the meantime, Hana gets a scene where her MC does the barest minimum - saying ‘thank you’ for all the preparations Hana’s been making the last few days. Which brings me to my next point.

• You can’t expect me to believe that two women who love each other, and who are supposed to have supported each other through difficult situations (this is true for Hana, and for the MC on the few occasions the story allowed her to)…would simply return to normal? After receiving the kind of news Hana got in the previous chapter??? That the woman going through this painful experience wouldn’t struggle with it? That her partner would not bother to check on her? (and at no point does the MC do so in this chapter). One could always argue that perhaps they could leave such a discussion for future chapters…but, as I said in detail the previous QT, the writing team has had a track record of choosing to never address very serious issues related to Hana’s own story, to the point where they were on the verge of encouraging a possible romance with someone who harmed her in her single playthroughs. If they were able to make Drake’s scene so different, why couldn’t they do the same to Hana considering her own, self-confessed, emotional state last chapter in her playthrough? Instead in that particular scene, she thanks her for everything, even referencing the same doctor’s appointment where they got this news - and it sounds patronizing considering the fact that Hana’s pain is (again!!) seen as not important even to speak about. Why couldn’t the MC at least ask after her and see how she’s feeling, and comfort her in this scene?

And if that wasn’t going to happen - why force that situation on Hana at all??

• One thing we need to keep in mind is that even when one DOES NOT want children, being told that you don’t even have that choice, or option, can be painful and in many cases traumatizing as well. I had two incredible reblogs last chapter that spoke about this in detail, from people who experienced similar situations, and I feel that unless a writer is ready to commit to that storyline and route, unless they’re prepared to write it sensitively rather than brush it under the carpet, they should not place that character in that situation. This is extremely offensive given their track record.

• This is why, when they say bullshit like “oh we would have preferred to do separate books for each LI but ended up with no choice but one book” (I’m paraphrasing), I find it so hard to believe the team. No one was forcing them to create the issues for Hana that they did. Those were narrative choices they made…and when you make such choices it’s YOUR responsibility to resolve them properly, otherwise don’t go there! Don’t have Madeleine bully her - or Olivia still mock her after they’ve become friends - if you’re simply going to allow these white (let’s never forget this. The white women in this book get away with all kinds of bullshit) women to get away with it with little-to-no pushback from Hana herself. Don’t force her into an emotionally abusive parent-child relationship if your only resolution for that is they say sorry a couple times and still have the same toxic expectations of her. Don’t rob her of her choice to physically carry a child if in the next chapter you will force her to act like nothing happened. I doubt ANY of these writers would care enough to actually write separate routes/books for anyone other than the LI they’ve always been pandering to.

• Apparently 3 writers in the team claim they would date Hana. Mmhmm. Sure. I can so see that in the way you write her, team TRH, I can so see that.

• I…love some of the characters in this series, and they’re the reason I’m still sticking around and trying to make these write-ups. But I won’t lie that it is exhausting, and frustrating, to keep highlighting these issues and barely be heard - and if the series keeps this up…I might not be able tho sustain the energy to keep writing these. I hope that doesn’t happen…but it is a very real possibility and I think I should let you guys know in case things do go that way.

• Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen - but if it does, I’ll still be working on my Book 1 QTs (my failplay brought up some insights that I found interesting!) and there’s plenty of fanfic ideas that I’d love to get back into. Let’s see how things turn out!