#i need to yell about this with another person
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related to nick's post. you can't even make this stuff up
#jared's said before that he doesn't really care for romance storylines in spn bc that's not part of the story he's interested in telling#for sam so i doubt he gave a shit other than wanting to work w shoshanna again but <3 eileen for the win#that being said i cannotttt with this reasoning of why samleen is a popular ship. makes me resent it so bad...#i also cut out a part in the middle 1) where there's an aside about ruby but someone else yells rowena and jared says#“yeah they had some great moments together.” another sam het ship that's popular for the Wrong reasons#and 2) the person asking the question tells jared something like 'that's the right answer' which. ew#that aside i think it's cute how they automatically take over for each other when one is obviously uncomfortable or needs time to answer#alsooo jensen being mean <3 “i think i hear a sheep—” LMFAO.#otherwise it's incredibly hilarious how good and obvious he is at ignoring it at this point#jaytwo#dc '22
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I do personally think that like, Evan and Sam are on a slow burn path but in the way of, I don’t think either of them have realised or started to contextualise yet that they’re feeling something alongside that deep profound platonic love for each other.
Now hang on before anyone yells at me hear me out- to start with Sam, we’re witnessing her coming back to this group of people who all love and adore her after being surrounded by people who might adore her, but don’t know her and don’t make any attempts to know her, she’s reuniting with people who very specifically make her feel accompanied and known and it’s not just a text message check up or phone call or an origami bird, she has them in person again for a good period of time after not having them physically with her, so she’s going to stick to “I’m with my friends again, I’m with people who know me and that doesn’t need to change right now.”
(Which is not to say she didn’t feel their love and support even when they weren’t together, that always exists, it’s just more present than before.)
And I don’t think Evan has sat still long enough or without a distraction long enough to truly start to consider it, especially since he and K did break up and that potentially means he’s not thinking about or considering anything other than platonic feelings but one thing about Evan is that nowadays even when he’s alone he keeps that love his friends have for him in the forefront of his mind- Even when he gets insecure about it -these are his friends, they love and they support him so he will do it right back, aggressively. But I think as a result of that he’s staying solidly in a platonic mindset for all of his relationships as it currently stands.
What I do think is that both of them are starting to wake up to the possibility of it, especially with those I Love Yous that suddenly seem to have a double meaning, but neither of them wanna sit still nor have the time to sit and really think about why they’re different all of a sudden, even as they verbally affirm that they’re attracted to one another.
And honestly? That’s the slow burn baby and I am fucking OBSESSED!
#misfits and magic#mismag spoilers#d20 spoilers#sam black#sam britian#sam butler#evan kelmp#evsam#OTP: Shaded Mirror#Also like I do think that K and Evan have a lot to unpack but neither of them are gonna do that yet#THIS IS NOT K SLANDER AND IF ANYONE USES IT AS AN ARGUMENT FOR K SLANDAR I WILL FIND YOU#DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???#Good okay moving on#Give me the end of season feelings realisation LOL
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I DEFINITELY see this Dynamic between The Riddler and Miss Tuesday
(Mainly because I ship her better with Jonathan Crane but that’s another cringy thing about me, please don’t tell anyone)
Also, please remember that (again), this version of Miss Tuesday is NOT from the original canon, she is strictly a personal reinterpretation on how I think she would fit in different adaptations/continuities
More on their dynamic down bellow 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
(Add more to the lore if you like lol)
— They are the platonic version of Sheldon and Amy from Big Bang Theory
— They partake in parallel play on their free days (he reads his books while she paints her miniature as soft jazz plays in the background)
— They both live in his apartment with their own separate rooms
— Sometimes Miss Tuesday would sing a Greek hymn and Riddler enjoys hearing her sing as he tries to relax after a long day (he usually asks her to do so)
— They enjoy playing chess together (Tuesday lets him win because she doesn’t want to deal with him crying like a sore loser)
— Riddler often calls Tuesday his “Delphi” because she always know what he needs/wants and what he’s saying/thinking, and she responds by calling him “Apollo” as a joke
— When they’re discussing private matters they discuss it in Greek
— Ari (Miss Tuesday) was a child prodigy with picture perfect memory and is essentially smarter than Edward but he’d rather not acknowledge that notion, while Ari would rather keep her intelligence to herself when she’s not working
— They often have tea with Oswald and (sometimes) Jonathan on Wednesday afternoons where they “take a break” from villainy and just spend that time bantering, gossiping, and have deep conversations on philosophy, theories, and morality— typical girlie pop stuff
— Whenever Edward goes on a business trip for longer than a week, he orders Ari to spend three of her work days to go to Arkham to keep Dr. Crane company for at least two to three hours at most (which totally didn’t lead to anything *cough-cough*)
— Query and Echo adore Miss Tuesday and would often yell at Riddler for even raising his voice at her whenever she gets a lecture
— Edward makes sure Ari’s isn’t overstimulated to he brings emergency noise canceling headphones to calm her down whenever they’re in a larger social gathering
— Ari is the master of grey rocking mainly because she often tunes out Edward whenever he goes on one of his narcissistic tantrums like he’s a chihuahua yapping for attention
— They LOVE watching iceberg conspiracy theory videos together
— Edward sometimes jingles his keys in front of Ari to regain her attention whenever she looks away from him as he goes on another of his hour long lectures (“Okay so, back in the day- JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE!! Back in the day—!!”)
#my art#digital art#fanart#the riddler#riddler#edward nigma#edward nygma#edward nashton#miss tuesday#batman rouges gallery#batman rogues#rogues gallery#dc#dcu#dc comics#dcu comics#dc universe#character reinterpretation#jonathan crane#scarecrow#the scarecrow
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Take all the time you need! And please ping me when you expand on those thoughts - if you don't mind.
Okay, back to designing.
I'm moderately opposed to making the Shades talk for previously mentioned reasons, but I could see giving "X speaks of Y" style summaries in the action popup. They're not really the people who died (or almost died), more like impression fossils. The lights are on, but nobody's home. We think.
The Ku Flame
Your idea for Hikari are a worthy inclusion, the only question is how. And the answer to that depends on how the fight works. If I were programming a game I'd be more inclined to do a mostly-standard boss fight with some extra narrative. If I were writing a fic, however, the 2v2 with Path Actions, Talents, and Latents all getting involved would be easier to pull off in that format. The quote would be something like "Ageha, you are relieved of duty!" In a more standard boss fight it fits better as "entering second phase" or maybe post-boss dialogue. In the 2v2 narrative puzzle it can be a Full Boost quote. It really only makes sense to say once; and maybe Ageha's Shade could seem to respond to it? You probably get prompted to activate Light's Radiance for the final blow.
Ageha's Shade shouldn't get minions. He was a general in life, but like you said, he's the last vestiges of the old Ku. He doesn't have an army anymore. On a side note I want this guy to yell "FIX BAYONETS" so bad but guns aren't available yet. Need to pick out a Boost message, a Boost Attack, regular moveset because it can't be all support... so everything. Definitely gets Rally Troops or a similar move by the same name though.
Tanzy was an aspiring playwright, but it seems she never published. In Giselle's troupe she served as director, so it could be fun (more fun in a standard boss fight where there are more characters) to let her Shade mess around with turn order. Like, oh, you were setting Hikari up to counter Ageha's shields off? Haha no the adds just got moved to the top of the round and used up the Vengeful Blade stacks, Ageha's Shade is shouting orders, and Tanzy's Shade is about to hand you your ass. Speaking of adds, the most obvious basis is the other troupe members... but Tanzy pretty conclusively left them behind. Another possibility is to reference her unpublished scripts with unfinished marionettes, or if we want to have some fun, give Tanzy's Shade the same minions as Arcanette. Tanzy begins praying.... -> BREAK HER SHADE NOW! If this is a 2v2, Ruinous Kick makes sense as the Boost Attack because that's half your dudes. In a more standard fight, the Boost Attack should be something a bit more powerful. Regular moveset has the summon, the turn rearrange, probably a buff or two, and maybe a physical attack that inflicts something.
Agnea's Boost quote is mostly babbled interrogatives.
The Crackridge Flame
Ori's Shade is weak to Polearm/Dagger/Bow/Fire. Guess why. (some kind of Light element attack because come on it's in her name) Stop the Presses! / So Tired: inflicts Speed Extremely Down Dear Diary: equivalent to the Merchant job's Rest. Name does not change after Ori's Shade is broken for the first time. Ori can't do this anymore. -> this is gonna hurt
The Final Night sounds like it should be the Boost Attack for Lucian's Shade, but it would also be really funny to have it be the weakest attack. We'd need to name Lucian's other works to name the Shade's attacks... think we could crib Nearer the Flame from the Stormlight Archive? Lucian retrieves a notebook.... -> this is gonna hurt slightly less
Temenos starts going through all of Lucian's works, trying to line them up with the Shade's attacks, and Osvald is experiencing the internal conflict between "not my SpIn, not my problem" and the knowledge that it is Very Much His Problem. Castti is probably in the background like "oh shit I have seen that girl before."
Osvald will offer to explode the person responsible even if you hit Crackridge after Flamechurch. There is no expiration date on Grandpa Blast.
The Toto'haha Flame
Hm, fair point. I figured Castti's usual Slightly Unhinged Boost quotes fit the emotional charge well enough, but this wouldn't be that long after Trousseau. The metaphorical wound is still raw. She could have a Boost quote demanding that the Apothecary's Shade get out of her way. It can't understand her, but she doesn't know that. We could give the apothecary a name, but it also works to leave him completely unknown. Just another cooling body.
Keep the Grotesque Monster's weaknesses (Axe/Bow/Ice/Light), mostly physical moveset since the Apothecary's Shade is handing out debuffs. Give it the Grotesque Monster's Piercing Cry, because if I heard someone like Petrichor start screaming out of nowhere I would be pretty freaked out. Petrichor gives off an ominous aura! -> Apply axe to face, repeat. Hunt the Weak: single target physical, damage increases with number of debuffs and afflictions on target. This is kind of a dark mirror of Drastic Measures, but it works.
Someone's Shade is passing out every negative effect in the game. Bow weakness works, maybe also Dagger and something else for game balance I dunno.
Ochette's Full Boost quote for this fight is "I can't forgive you!"
At some point Temenos makes the connection between some of Petrichor's comments and Roi's disappearance, promptly flips out.
The Flamechurch Flame
The design philosophy here is basically OKAY EVERYONE, PUT ON YOUR ARCANETTE HATS, TODAY WE ARE BEING MEAN TO TEMENOS! And part of that is making him watch two of the most important people in his life aid and protect their killer. So that's 3 and 4. 3 has the extra gutpunch of making him wait for the other shoe to drop.
Crick's Shade can keep his playable moveset. Weak to Sword/Staff/Dark. You know why. Crick is watching Temenos.... -> For a moment, a player could mistake this for a "skip a turn" message, maybe a hint that the people who left the Shades behind are still in there (this is intended to be perceived in-universe)... NOPE THAT'S THE BOOST MESSAGE. Also a callback to the Felvarg. Should we make Crick's Shade have a Boost Attack that sacrifices itself, or is that too limiting in Mean To Temenos potential?
Pontiff Jörg's Shade gets the Standard Cleric Weaknesses of Sword/Dagger/Axe/Dark. It has reason to use the Cleric moveset, but I was thinking we could nab something else from the Claude fight and give it Reflective Veil from the OT1 Cleric. Also, Lock Away. The move that prevents the target from recieving aid or items from any other party member. (And a slight nod to Whatever Was Up With Alpates.) Starts battle by using it on Temenos.
(Balance-wise, Temenos can break Crick with his base kit but not the Pontiff partially because this works with the story - Temenos hitting Crick's worldview with a metaphorical sledgehammer vs That's Your Dad - and partially because between Temenos' Latent and Throné turning into a protective blender it's probably fine.)
Throné uses her "Sorry, but I won't hold back!" Max Boosting quote for this fight, but even using the same voice clip it's meant to come off in a slightly different light. (You ever think about how her HP Thief bark is a sarcastic "You're too kind." and her "healed by Temenos" bark is a much more genuine "You're too kind, Temenos"? Because I have.) Temenos tries to talk himself out of a breakdown when Max Boosting. He fails. Possibly devolving from "keep it together, that isn't really him" early in the fight to beaten-dog whimpering in the second phase.
2v2 narrative puzzle ramble One reason I'm more inclined to use this for a fic is that the Journey For The Dawn locks you out of your daytime Path Actions. Sun's not rising. In writing, there's less trouble with carving out an exception in the game mechanics. The idea I had was that the Shade battles would yank the corresponding travelers into a sort of dream space where it isn't day exclusive or night. Kind of like a cross between Temenos' "The truth lies in the flame" Detective Vision thing and whatever was going on while Hikari duked it out with his shadow. (Said shadow: "Not me this time. I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole.") From the outside, the two fighting appear to be asleep standing up, twitching and mumbling as if caught in a particularly vivid dream. Temenos "Commitment to the bit" Mistral sees two people snap out of that trance for the first time and immediately goes "Welcome back. ^_^" Throné may or may not be winding up to smack him.
This also works with having both the Arcanette fight and the Shade fight at Flamechurch. Arcanette certainly looks like she could cast Spell of Really Bad Trip. Basically Throné and Temenos are in the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Boss Fight while everyone else is trying very hard to kill Arcanette with hammers.
Back to Path Actions, I still don't know how all of those would work. Going down the list
Agnea: Entreat to get "Tanzy" to show you her journal works, Allure doesn't. Both these people have chosen their paths. Hikari: Challenge is a little redundant but potentially serviceable, Bribe less so.
Partitio: Purchase and Hire could both work for trying to coax "Ori" back to the land of the living. Purchasing a paper moreso. Osvald: Trying to get at Lucian's notes fits Scrutinize or Mug, although Mug is again redundant. Let him see that!
Ochette: Provoke is already happening, especially with Petrichor's Shade dropping everything to focus Ochette down if she summons one of the Creatures of Legend. Befriend is... not happening. Petrichor can starve. (Party pretty sure this is the first time they're heard Ochette curse.) Castti: Inquiring to get the unknown apothecary's name so the party can effectively lay him to rest is kind of sweet. In that vein, Soothe has already been done with Malaya and also believe her she's trying!
Temenos: Guide has also been done already, and Coerce is not only kind of already happening but isn't going to work on Shades. Sorry, Temenos, no chances to say goodbye for you. Throné: Stealing in combat is already part of the Thief kit (also pickpocketing Temenos' family in front of him is Not Cool Dude). Ambush is OP in anything resembling an actual fight, so that's another no.
So we're 4/16, 5.5/16 with partial credit included. Unless you have better ideas. Still wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Latent Powers, Talents, and EX Skills though...
All Together Now... probably not. Dance Session maybe. Song of Hope a more positive maybe Learned Skills would be great if this were Jin Mei's Shade. See Light's Radiance prompt above.
Hilarious though Negotiate Schedule may be, nothing of Partitio's really works here. Teach... maybe?
Indomitable Beast into Beastly Fangs looks fun. Or Indomitable Beast into Provoke Beasts. Get her ass, fellas! Concoct has potential for showing the Apothecary's Shade how it's done... except it's mindless.
Moonlight Judgement: hehehe. Could have it not proc at the start of battle, wait until Temenos pulls himself together enough to effectively fight the Shades. This works better in the Arcanette + Shades version of the fight. Prayer for Plenty and Heavenly Shine both have story potential. Blessing of Darkness: "Consider the following: mine's better." Veil of Darkness is also good here.
Took "standard class weaknesses" from the Dolcinea fight with Love's Marionette, for the record.
Things about Octopath Traveler 2 that I think about WAY too much 2/????
Under the cut for late game spoilers, loose and speculative nonsense
So the four sacred flames and their connections with the gods connected to each one.
Brand and Sealticge to the Ku Flame
Alephan and Bifelgan to the Crackridge Flame
Dohter and Draefendi to the Toto'haha Flame
And Aelfric and Aeber to the Flameschurch Flame
Going to go ahead and put it out there, that my head canon is that the Moonshade order successfully completed the sacrifices line out in the Book of Night in this manner: Pontiff Jorg (Cleric, Temenos chapter 1), unnamed apothecary in Canalbrine (Temenos Chapter 2), scholar in Canalbrine (who's name I don't remember, also from Temenos Chapter 2) Tanzy (dancer/Sealticge aligned), Petrichor (Hunter), Ageha (Warrior), Ori (merchant), and Crick (Thief, as mentioned in some dialogue in Stormhail about his background).
I feel like, in a lot of ways, these flames would have been great spots for boss fights. I feel like, for a game like Octopath Traveler 2, just getting to relight the flames with ease was a bit too easy. There's a couple of different routes I personally would have taken with them.
Option 1 (least favorite) - the party fights a shadow creature of some type (excluding in Flameschurch because there is already a boss fight there). Alternatively, remix the chosen travelers' final chapter boss fight.
Option 2 - the party fights the shadows of the sacrifices associated with that flames gods (so Ku would be Ageha and Tanzy, Crackridge would be Ori and the scholar from Temenos Chapter 2, Toto'haha would be Petrichor and that unnamed apothecary from Temenos's Chapter 2, and Flameschurch (after Arcanette), would be Crick and the Pontiff (not a fun fight for Temenos especially)). Standard boss fights would be cool, but you could go a step further and have it a two on two fight with the chosen travelers against those shadows where path actions and skills came into play in defeating the shadows. Also makes the relighting of the flames a bit more personal. You've got potential either way with this option for some really cool character exploration and thematic resolution. This one is probably my personal favorite.
Option 3 - the party (or just the chosen travelers for that flame) fight the gods themselves (as a test). There's a few ways to do this too: 1. fight images of the gods. 2. the statues of the gods by the flames come to life and you fight those, not dissimilar to Osvald's chapter 4 fight with the Golem. 3. You fight a being of combined powers of the two gods, a strange and otherworldly combination of Alephan and Bifelgan for example, staff and scales in hand, plying magic and calling allies, making it rain in leaves as easily as flashes of magic lightning, or Brand and Sealticge (which I think would look something akin to Hinoekagura). This is also a personal favorite just to see how when faced with the gods, our travelers might act, when within the world itself the gods are mostly pretty hands off. The situation with Vide is an urgent one, and I think the gods would be willing to test their chosen in the final hour to make sure that they are truly ready.
I just think it would have been neat
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okay here’s the thing. that’s standing out very loudly to me in the OS2 x BBS x ATOTS episodes. So we remember the happy face-sad face decor that Pran’s dorm was infused with? And the meta analysis that it all been about choice, about choosing happiness, about choosing joy for yourself, about learning to look at things in a new way (through each other’s eyes and therefore GROWING) right? Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same face! They co-exist! But you can choose -- you can choose to see the happy in the small things, you can choose to let yourself feel the joy you do feel. It’s in how Pran takes those sticky notes out and LOOKS and thinks and then chooses, purposefully, to place it happy side up. It’s in how Pran came out and chose to change his door knob card to the happy side.
RIGHT OKAY SO. In Pat and Pran’s shared home, we see so much of natural light (like literal natural light filtering in and brightening up the space when their dorms were naturally dark and again, light was a choice aka artificial light) and we see framed pictures of them together (previously their dorms had very few pictures and we see the shared pictures come in as cork board collages or set up on string aka temporary. framed pictures are permanent, THERE). What else do we see? When Pat goes to open the door for Pa and Ink, the back of the door that faces the house, the home, has only smiley faces on it. Multiple, and permanent (i think one of them is screwed in if i’m not mistaken).
The smiley faces are for them, and only them. Behind closed doors, they are happy. They are naturally happy. They made the repeated choice to choose happiness and now they’re sticking with it. They’re now happy by default. It started with choices, but happiness comes naturally to them now.
(It’s also about opening their home up to people, because the happiness is private and it for the inside of their home. Only if you enter the house will the door shut behind you, and then you will become part of the happiness. And only their most trusted seem to have such access to their home - Ink, Pa, Wai. (I’m guessing Korn as well, even though we don’t see him inside their home.) They are choosing to share their happiness as well!)
#bad buddy the series#bad buddy meta#pat x pran#patpran#our skyy 2 x bad buddy#OS2 x BBS x ATOTS#listen i cannot shake the door from my head#bad buddy brain rot#its so real guys#someone PLEASE come talk to me about this#i need to yell about this with another person
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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absolutely stilll losing my damn mind
#i need y’all to know I LITERALLY GOT THE MOULIN ROUGE DVD AND CD FOR MY BIRTHDAY#AND THIS FUCKING HAPPENED ON THE SAME DAY….#i never lose. I HAVE NEVER LOST IN MY LIFE#i have to yell about this on this site too 🤣🤣🤣#i know they still got it in them ;;))#now can they do another movie together again 😁😁#personal#maria rambles#GHAAAAADDDDD#actors#nicole kidman#ewan mcgregor#yes i will tag this as#moulin rouge#just because……#rpf is fine#🫢
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask ���why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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I did kind of enjoy the first chapter of Parkinson's Hornblower "biography" because it offered some things that I had either been wondering about or which I thought were delightful little headcanons, but I have to say that since then it has just been making me hate Hornblower an unbelievable amount and/or occasionally go he would not fucking say that
#on another note this is very similar to the little stories on hmssurprise.org in that it gives the vibes of#'someone needs to introduce these guys to the concept of fanfiction'#he's writing his own little stories about hornblower! he's making up theories about his family! girl get on ao3!#it is also like reading a fic in that sometimes you're like 'i'm going to steal that' and sometimes you're like 'he would not say that'#he is making hornblower horrifically ambitious and he's somehow doing maria even dirtier than cs forester if that was even possible#so. y'know. he's taking him in the opposite direction he's making him be exactly what cs forester wanted him to be which is perfect#and him being perfect is absolutely godawful when you don't have his personal torment nexus brain monologue going on over it#perhaps this is a light into the brain of the Boat Dad Experience when reading these books. idk#it does present a fun angle of analysis of his character he is a guy consumed by ambition i'll give him that#i'm not buying all these guys saying he'd end up happy that way though sorry#perce rambles#percy yells at cecil scott#+ bonus yelling at my other pal cyril northcote!#i'll perhaps post stuff i found interesting if other people would like. let me know if you'd want to see that though
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i really wanna write a fic where finnick gets so overwhelmed with everything in the capitol and annie is being really insistent on helping him through it after he gets home but since she doesn’t fully understand it on a personal level she just ends up overwhelming him even more and he just snaps at her. like that sounds interesting to me cos in canon they’re just depicted being so lovey dovey and it would be cool to deviate from that without taking away how intensely they do love each other but at the same time. i cannot write it. it always ends in annie lashing out at him even harder and i just don’t think that would really work for them i really think that might just be a deal breaker idk
#one thing about me i will never tolerate a man yelling at me#another thing about me is that everything that’s ever happened to me bleeds into a lot of fics i write#so that’s kinda a recipe for disaster#but i rlly wanna write this fic ik it’ll personally take me out of my comfort zone but like#annie needs to stop fucking yelling at him and playing the victim rn she needs to chill tf out#ok that’s it#writings and musings
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becoming a little bit evil because my room's in a mess and I can't really do anything about it until other things happen and I am so so so tempted to be a complete and utter arsehole until it happens because. honestly if I don't it won't happen. but if I do that I open myself up to getting into even more shit than I already am by just existing
#unfortunately the idea that it'll be dangerous for me to operate machinery in my current state isn't accepted#probably because my current state isn't accepted. what do you mean the hereditary 'develops arthritis as a teenager' and#'dodgy blood pressure' traits have manifested in [me]. that's not possible at all!#some of it I'd simply like to return to the shop but that's not an option because 1. my m*ther will have lost the receipt immediately#and 2. she'll yell at me because they were presents. yeah. I asked for a fucking lamp?#honestly beginning to believe that she's waiting for me to give them to her and she bought them for herself which is going to turn me into#the joker considering everything#anyway my grandmother's going to find another way to not do any sorting out like last time which is annoying. like. stop bitching about#how 'horrifically messy' your house is and muck in! actually y'know what it'll get me yelled at and possibly hit but I'll just dump the#box in front of her and tell her she needs to sort it out. idc man. I'm the only person in this house that actually seems to have motivatio#to do something and it's driving me nuts. I would like for the first time in decades to NOT have piles of other people's crap in my room
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Yo I don't know if anyone else is seriously bothered by this but those "good luck" posts where everyone goes wow this post really works you HAVE to reblog it or else you won't get the good thing that happens when you reblog it and therefore it's your fault if the good thing doesn't happen because you didn't reblog the post,
Yeah, those posts. They don't ummmmmmmmm
They don't work.
Like, listen, a little prayer of good luck to give yourself hope is one thing, but every single one of these posts has a comment that is like "this is literally magic I received life-altering amounts of money because of this post REBLOG THIS NOW." And assuming these accounts aren't just also the original poster emotionally manipulating people - And brushing over how foolish/cruel it feels to give false hope and additional tasks to those in poverty AND moving on from how absolutely shitty these posts are for people with compulsion-related disorders or difficulty discerning reality--
it feels to me that the more we make up magic that doesn't exist in this world, the harder it is to see how things really are, and the more it obscures from us the magic that actually does exist. Things like magnetism, electricity, human thought and connection, emotion, storytelling, machinery, fire. That's the sort of magic we have in this world. These magics are real and they can be manipulated in miraculous and terrible ways.
And maybe it's just the way my mind works, but if I am able to convince myself that a photo of a four-leaf clover has any amount of cosmic power over my life, then I am no longer looking clearly at my situation and what I need to do to change it. I am no longer able to truly see the magic that IS there.
I feel the same way about astrology honestly. I don't think it's bad to believe in as long as you're not ascribing it to unwilling people, but I personally do feel like if I believed the shapes the Romans saw in the stars made me who I am, then not only would I deny myself autonomy, but also I would miss out on the magic of the stars as huge lonely nuclear light giants indifferent to and ignorant of the lives of humans in terrifying and beautiful ways. I might even dismiss scientific discoveries that didn't fit my view. And I think I've seen enough of the damage that can do for one lifetime. (I am aware that I probably wouldn't have so many problems with astrology if I wasn't a furious ex-Catholic. But again, there's nothing wrong with faith as long as you're not slapping it onto other people.)
But, gods, I hate these fucking good luck posts.
I am not poor due to the stars or the lack of luck-money posts on my dashboard. I am poor because I live in oppressive power structures that I hope to see burn in my lifetime. I need as clear a view of this reality as possible.
If you want to spread positive magic, you have to spread love and information and images/stories of a beautiful shared future that other people are invited to be a part of.
I'm a big believer in Hope. I believe hope is a sacred thing. But I'm not a big fan of false hope.
So in conclusion, if you reblog this post and then tomorrow something very lucky and seemingly unrelated happens, it had nothing to do with this post.
The only Magic will be the magic of unfathomably huge amounts of data transferring all across the world instantaneously to reach you and show you words that came from someone else's heart and mind.
The only Magic will be however it makes you feel to know that if you need luck, at least one other person in this world wants good things to happen to you: I care that you are found. I care that you are loved. I care that you are safe. I care that you live long enough to find or be found by happiness and that you then live for a very long time after that. And I don't need to meet you to know that I'm right.
Know that I will spend the rest of my life working to build spaces where you would be welcome. And maybe you and I will never meet, but I happen to know there's a whole lot of people like me in this world. And I happen to know that as long as you are alive, there is a chance you will grow old in warmth and comfort, surrounded by friends. There is a chance that your old eyes will be crinkled at the sides with laugh lines. And that's magic. That's real magic.
#original#if I'm honest I think I made some of these points better in the tags of that one post I have about the cake#but clearly I'm processing something so#hopepunk#cripple punk#cripplepunk#good luck#magic#you have no idea how much I wish other types of magic existed cuz I really want to be a wizard but that doesn't mean there's no magic#i want Magic Missile but all I have is an autistic drive to see things without ambiguity. XD#too much false hope can kill a person. it's so irresponsible to spread false hope. spread real hope. tell the fucking truth.#there are things in this world worth hoping for. real things. tell someone they are worthy of good things. that's hope. that's good luck.#it's actually quite lucky to be unexpectedly told kind and true things. like finding $20. except my poor ass can actually provide it#not tagging this with astrology so people are less likely to yell at me lol#there's probably a better version of this post in which I cut a lot of the bitching at the start but hey I needed to bitch#it's my right as a hot bitch.#edit: ALSO another thing this reminds me of is how a lot of white women who practice witchcraft really want to believe that they#at some point in history were a persecuted minority. 'we are the great-great-granddaughters of the witches you didn't burn!'#like sorry no there have been no witches burned and no witches hung the horror of it all is that they were just normal women#white people are not the great great granddaughters of witches. we are the great great grandchildren of slave owners.#any narrative that leads us to forget that is extremely suspect.
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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Ugh I hate when my brain decides I NEED to play a certain game that I don't currently own.
I have a backlog of several games. Of various genres.
And I am fairly sure I tried the game back when my hacked switch worked and actually didn't really enjoy it that much.
But now my brain isn't shutting up about it.
#Not sure how many tags it needs to not show up in search#Probably a few#Or a lot#So many#Is this enough now??????#5 seems like a good number#Ok this post is about me wanting to play minecraft on switch because lately I've enjoyed watching videos about the game#But thing is none of the videos actually got anything to do with actually playing the game#Like one is a person who makes joke mods that are extremely unhinged. Like adding snot or sweat or feet or pregnancy#Another one is actually an ARG. A fictional story. That just happens to take place in that game. Could have been any game#I guess rt did actually play the game and that seemed very fun#But I tried it ages ago and just couldn't get into it at all. And even for dragon quest builders I only liked it with cheats#Like giving myself unlimited resources and health and teleportation. Guess creative mode is kinda that....#I probably will not actually enjoy playing the game. So spending 30€ on it is just out of the question#.... but my brain is yelling about it a lot and it's annoying. Not annoying enough to spent 30€ on it but still annoying#I guess I'll put it on my wishlist on dekudeals to be notified if the game is discounted#And if the discount is high enough or if my brain is still yelling after my birthday (end of July) I might consider it
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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[vibrates at a frequency only dogs and dolphins can hear]
#I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT AGAIN#he said 'before we get to the latter half of the season and i start acting up let me remind you i am a great friend and pseudo boyfriend'#it's not just that he does it completely unprompted it's not just that it's proof of how much he cares for his cbi girls#it's how focused it is on lisbon - underrated theme of this season is how much good lisbon brings out of jane#not in a 'good influence' kind of way in a...their history and the way they care about each other...#his love for her brings out the love he has for others (idk don't make me pull out the dawsons creek quote)#it's lisbon's delighted surprise when she learns what he's done#(she loves seeing him help people because she knows how much he loves it even when he tries to bury it under bluster and jokes)#it's the way she thanks him so sincerely (it's the way her 'thank you' here sounds so much like her 'thank you for the letters')#it's the way he's been shutting himself away for like half this season but here he is sitting in her office waiting for her#so he can spend more time (flirt) with her and it's another quiet cute little moment for them#it's the way you can see glimpses of the person buried underneath all that pain and trauma and history#the person that he could grow into if he lets himself heal in a post red john world - a person that could be really truly happy#(and it's the fact that with the benefit of this rewatch i know for sure he DOES grow towards it's just delightful thanks for indulging me)#tm
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