#i need to understand but i can't.
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Weird feeling that I don't like when I think about how much I can't really comprehend Dr Bald. I don't know who he is.
#I want to understand him. yet i feel like i never will. you get me.#when i read jim's fics i. man. i feel like i dont know this man at all. this is a person who will comprehend him beyond what i ever will.#i dont know who faut is really#i dont know who he is. especially not who he was before#i want to understand what's going through dr bald yknow. but i feel like i wont ever get it no matter how much i re read and re read.#re read his story. what's he going through; really. what was happening in those years.#i dont get him. i wish i could.#ughck. i guess I'll re read his stuff soon. it just sucks that he's not really getting to me.#i love the man. I'm intrigued.#i need to understand but i can't.#again. i say. I'll re read his lines. over. and over.#i dunno if he'll ever get to me.#i dont think i know faut at all. honestly.#i feel like I've twisted myself between the lies and masks he uses. i dont know. i dont know anything.#<- I'm really seeing why loving faut caused me mental breakdowns while the others didn't. cause well other than the fact i couldn't#handle a 4th beloved.#i feel like I'm so out of tune of what other people's perception of both faut and (ESPECIALLY) dr bald is.#i dont think i know this man at all and it's killing me in an awful way. i feel wrong with how little i understand him.#what fucking lover am i if i dont understand every part of his being. even the part of himself that he pushes far away.#what lying loser am i to say i love him without knowing what he is.#i dont get him.#negative#/negative#fuck suree why not. his tag.#silly doctor man
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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Social anxiety level: Chatting with someone experiencing a schizophrenic episode and becoming increasingly self-concious of how I'm just saying "That sounds really stressful", "I've never heard of that but it sounds scary", and "You must be pretty worried about that" over and over again
#They needed someone to wait with them while their friend came to pick them up#And the whole time I was waiting for them to call bullshit#Like YOU HAVENT SAID ANYTHING MEANINGFUL YOURE SO BAD AT THIS#I'm sorry I'm making this one about me ma'am I'm just terrified that everyone I talk to is gonna give be a bad grade#I don't understand or beleive most of what you're saying but from the legit science you're quoting I can tell you've done some research#The research stuff I appreciate we can totally talk about that#Please God let me talk about Chordata or HTML instead of the thing I can't see or hear wouthout encouraging your delusion#I'd get SUCH a good grade at discussing invertebrates with you
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makes me giggle to think of X2 Logan meeting dp&w Logan when this is a thing
#“don't tell me you fuckin liked it 🤨” “you have no idea 😃”#x2 logan is going to see that in the tva screens and go 🤨😳🏳️🌈⁉️#dp&w Logan going “you don't understand he's fucked up he's my favorite of these assholes”#and then turn around and yell at wade “FUCKTARD”#hear the distinct “oh he's adorable can't resist flirting with me across the room LOVE YOU TOO SHITFACE”#“KEEP AN EYE ON OUR DAUGHTER OR IT'S MY SWORDS IN YOUR DELICIOUS ABS IN THREE SECONDS”#x2 Logan going 🤨 at the daughter in question mary puppins#Logan being as hung up on Jean as he'd been might just Reconsider mr wade wilson#👀👀👀👀👀👀👀#pspsps Logan#one rainbow brigade bitch to another? i dont think jean can do that#she clawed u up that one time but see what walmart santa claus is doing here#he's riddling you with bullets ✅ fuckin emptying the cartridges on your scrumdiddlydumptruck ass#he's stabbing adamantium ADAMANTIUM swords in you up until the sword hilts ✅#Logan listen#jean needed to be with phoenix first before Doing All Those Things Which She Did With You#but Deadpool? Deadpool is in it for the shits and giggles#Look. I'm not a woman of science. But there seems to be Chemistry among us.#I'd hit the emergency meeting button but i don't fucking want to 😁#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadpool 2024#logan howlett#wade wilson#poolverine#deadclaws#Deadpool and Wolverine Honda#Deadpool and Wolverine Honda Odyssey
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you know what. i actually love that trying to talk to solas was the last thing varric did and it ended in complete failure. especially if you put it in the context of his feelings about anders. varric was so bitter every time he mentioned him because he could not stop him. he didn't even realize that anders was up to something and when it was too late he started to think of him as of someone who destroyed that fragile peace in kirkwall that actually never existed.
it adds layers to the way he felt about solas. he believed that time he could stop a friend who simply lost his way. because varric tethras can talk anyone out of anything, can't he? anders was just too dodgy and self-centred and cut everyone off just like solas did but this time varric is completely prepared. surely. absolutely.
he could have never talked anders out of it even if he had known what was coming. he could have never talked solas out of it either. anders was a desperate person standing against (as varric himself put it) forces he couldn't possibly defeat. solas was a god standing against a couple of mortals and his own conscience buried under his guilt and regrets. being a good friend would not stop meredith's oppression. being a good friend would not stop someone who fears so much that all of the atrocities he committed were for nothing and would mean nothing at the end. varric died because he didn't realize it. he died and left his second in command with an immense guilt because they believed he knew solas enough to pull that off and there's something tragic about it
#I love that anders-solas parallel. and can't shut up about it#oh to be so good at talking your way through anyting you convince yourself it's the only skill you need#and then lose one friend because you couldn't talk them out of it. you didn't have a chance really. otherwise it might've worked out#and then there's another friend who's up to some wild shit. but this time you know. this time you'll have a chance#because you had friends both among templars and mages in kirkwall. it should mean something. you know how to make everyone happy#unfortunately. you're not good at understanding that some people are not like you#that for some people there are things that matter more than you and your friendship. and they will not stop.#ah varric. your ability to make friends everywhere made so much things happen but also got you killed#I'm not comparing anders' and solas' causes btw. it's about how varric feels about his friends reaching the point of no return#varric tethras#anders#solas#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers
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lostinthebookwithstitch.jpg
this is all I can muster right now, too busy having my brain absolutely melted by the September schedule, what is happening
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with stitch#so if i understand this correctly the next episode 7 bit is dropping in like a WEEK?!#and this is just going to be happening during the extra stitch pickup?!#i thought it was weird that they were doing such a long post-event pickup I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS#and they just snuck that little announcement in there before the absolute madness of OH YEAH AND NON-NRC GUYS CAN HAVE CARDS TOO NOW#the POSSIBILITIES this opens up#i did not think i would be so glad not to get a new episode 7 card but i need these keys for my second chance at masquerade malleus#and this is before we even know anything about the new halloween event except for johnny honestman and gidenyan#or the details on the platinum birthday cards#twst please you CAN'T do this to me#by which i mean yes please keep doing this i am loving every second of it
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My pumpkins xD
#my art#original character#oc#halloween#autumn#pumpkins#Aster and Kornelia in a cosy mood#I can't wait to get back to their story#it needs so many changes that I'm scared but I love those characters too much to just ditch it#guys you don't understand...
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I honestly don't think lucanis would have gotten much gentler training than most of the other crows -- if anything I expect he got more direct and intensely focused/constant attention on and control exerted over him than most of them might, since caterina has so much bound up in him both emotionally, politically and (ultimately, as the case always is with the crows lol) financially. she does not seem the type to as it were risk spoiling the sole viable heir by sparing the rod (derogatory). she has too much on the line here leave stuff like that to chance. where the 'first talon's favourite kid' privileges DO likely enter into it for me is that he can every so often make the move to spare a target based in nothing but his own conscience and not be killed for it himself.
which also has me wondering like... did caterina know she was sending him to kill a child, with that one target he mentions to davrin? or was it a surprise to her too? from what he says, she is the one who picks the contracts for him. was that contract how she realized there are things she could ask him to do, uses she could try to put him to, that would just break him (which would be such a waste at this point she's invested so many years and so much of herself in this knife that rests perfectly in her hand)? was it a test?? did it turn into a test both ways??? did lucanis know she wouldn't have him killed for refusing to do it, or is that one of the few times he came back and looked her in the eye to see what she would do, as the closest he's ever gotten to actually telling her 'no'???? 'you have every right to kill me for it, but this is one thing I can't do for you' with his hands not dripping with blood... and for whatever reason or set of reasons you might choose to believe, she doesn't kill him. what an absolutely nuts relationship this is
(how does illario feel watching that go down. knowing lucanis can gamble on love or sunk cost logic or whatever it is that stays her hand to hold on to having a soul, while illario could surrender his whole soul unquestioningly every time to her and still not have the love.)
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#illario dellamorte#dellamorte brainrot hits different I've got to tell you. I feel weird and sick every time#to be clear I don't think lucanis minds doing his job in general#he clearly enjoys the work even! as long as it fits into his head right#and his understanding of 'innocent' is probably hm.#not entirely the most widely recognized one lol. but it makes so much sense to me that he needs some way to keep it 'clean' in his head#boundaries he's drawn up of things he just can't do. and he does have a little bit of parley power with caterina in that he's uh#pretty much the one card left in her hand in some ways lol
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there are many retellings & adaptional choices i really don't like when it comes to writing new stories about old myths, and that i feel are boring or ignoring interesting points & implications or unfamiliar with the topic or ancient cultural context in a way that rubs me the wrong way. BUT the way some people on here talk about myth retellings as if retelling them is in and of itself a bad thing, or that retellings are somehow 'staining' the 'meaning' of the 'original myth', and Particularly posts that just seem to be hating on the people writing these books not for any real constructive point but just because they think Change Is Bad is going to make me feel bonkers insane fr. come on guys
#something more to say abt how you can't have a prescriptive approach to myth tempered by an understanding of cultural context but i'll add#it bc i need to chew over the wording for a sec#thoughts#anyways not phrasing it like this in the original post bc it's too blunt but i feel like people saw real complaints about e.g. mm & decided#'oh this is a thing it's cool to hate now!' without understanding any of the reasoning behind it. gah
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It pisses me off to see the way some Star Wars fans are so dismissive of Reva, Third Sister.
She's complex. She's interesting. She's clever. She's intelligent. She's strategic. She's conflicted. She's traumatized. She's scared. She's angry. She's a survivor.
The Obi-Wan Kenobi series literally opens with her and her friends watching one of her Jedi mentors get gunned down by clone troopers during Order 66.
She was a FUCKING CHILD!!! They were in the middle of a lesson when the clones walked in and started shooting everyone!! These were Anakin Skywalker's troopers and they were executing every single Jedi around them.
These children had NO idea what was going on. They were scared and they tried to run to safety.
We remember this scene from Revenge of the Sith and we all immediately knew what it meant.
These are the same bodies that Obi-Wan Kenobi found when he and Yoda returned to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant after having to kill so many of Anakin's clone troopers just to survive.
These are children that the Jedi Council wasn't there to save.
Palpatine snuffed out the light of the Jedi in one swift act of terrorism and then blamed the Jedi for their own genocide after taking over the entire galaxy.
And in times of war, the weakest among everyone always suffer the most.
This is what Reva, Jedi youngling, remembers most about the end of the Clone Wars.
Anakin Skywalker, hero of the Clone Wars and former padawan of the great Obi-Wan Kenobi, murdered all of her friends and injured her.
She had to play dead amongst the dead bodies of her friends, and that's how she survived. She witnessed Anakin Skywalker murder all the Jedi in the temple with no one there to stop him because the other Jedi Masters were being executed in a war they had never wanted to enter into in the first place.
She blames herself for not being able to save her friends because she wasn't strong enough to fight back. No youngling was ever going to be strong enough to stand against Anakin Skywalker. She wanted revenge against Anakin Skywalker, and she was just as desperate to get to Obi-Wan Kenobi as he was. She wanted to kill Anakin Skywalker just as badly as Darth Vader wanted to kill Obi-Wan.
She was alone in a galaxy that tortured and executed surviving Jedi. She spent ten years plotting her revenge against Anakin. She was angry at Obi-Wan for not being there to stop Anakin, and rightfully so.
The Republic fell. Reva and her friends were left unprotected. She was the only person she relied on because everyone else failed her. She was only a child when she lost everyone.
And it's clear she was conflicted by her role as an Inquisitor. She doesn't have the training the other Inquisitors do because she volunteered to be an Inquisitor while all the others were tortured and terrorized into falling to the dark side. She only wanted access to Anakin so she could get justice for what he did to her and her family.
Unlike Anakin, Reva couldn't find it in herself to harm a child. She was seeking revenge solely against Anakin Skywalker. Luke and Leia are the same age she was when she watched her friends and family die in front of her.
Yes, she was prepared to torture Leia, but she consistently hesitated, and when Tala walked in, Reva turned away. She stopped. Yeah she was mad, but she didn't have to go through with it. She'd already planted a tracker on Lola. She was already planning on allowing them to escape so she could locate their secret base. She just needed to bait Obi-Wan. Her plan worked perfectly, and she didn't even have to hurt this child who was annoying the shit out of her (not realizing she was dealing with Anakin Skywalker's offspring).
She went to Tatooine to kill Luke, but she couldn't. She hunted him down without bothering to kill Owen or Beru. She only cared about one thing. Getting justice for what happened to everyone she had been unable to save at the end of the war. She was only a child, and when she realized she was about to kill a defenseless child just to get revenge, she couldn't do it. She saw her face when she looked down at Luke and cried when she realized she couldn't do it.
She was so horrified by what she had been prepared to do and returned him to Owen and Beru alive. She fell to her knees and sobbed because she thought she failed her family in the end.
Obi-Wan was there for her this time. He reminded her that by showing mercy, she was giving her friends and family peace. She was not going to become the monster that Anakin Skywalker was.
Obi-Wan helped her and reminded her that she gets to decide who she wants to be from this point forward. She refused to become Anakin Skywalker, and a weight was finally starting to be lifted from her shoulders. A weight she had been carrying for ten long years.
She did what she thought she had to just to survive. She had only been a child with no guidance because everyone she loved died. She survived by joining the ranks of the enemy so she could plot her revenge. Obi-Wan showed her mercy at the moment she needed it most. He wasn't angry with her. He was compassionate. She survived Order 66 just like he did, but she had been defenseless when they were thrust into a galaxy that tortured and killed Force sensitive individuals and those who helped them. He had failed Reva during Order 66, and he wasn't going to fail her this time.
She is getting a second chance at finding her path in life despite the bad things she did. Everyone deserves a second chance. She was robbed of her childhood and had to grow up overnight. She had to learn how to survive. And that's exactly what she did. Just not in the way she expected.
#star wars#obi-wan kenobi#reva sevander#third sister#anakin skywalker#darth vader#order 66#luke skywalker#leia organa#reva has to learn how to forgive herself#i saw someone whine that we had grogu so we had no need for another jedi youngling survivor#like what kind of nonsense is that?#grogu was protected and taken to a safe location in the midst of order 66#reva had to watch everyone she loved die#they had extremely different experiences during the same incident#grogu was an infant and reva was in the middle of a fucking class when order 66 happened#if you can't empathize with her at all then there is something wrong with you#because i imagine an entire generation of school children in america understand exactly what that must have felt like
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Danny, the Young Justice member snippet nr 1
these snippets aren't connected in anyway but just some little scenes I came up with, everyone is welcome to build up on them if they want to
unrelated snippet nr 2, unrelated snippet nr 3(?)
“Thank you, young man,” elderly man, a civilian, said to Phantom, squeezing his shoulder when the boy transported him away from the battle into an established safe zone. Hero froze for a moment, blinking rapidly.
“You’re… welcome?” he squeaked and flew back to fight the first chance he got, still dazed.
He was lost in thought the whole time he worked after that, rescuing some teen girls too curious, brave and stupid to run away on their own when they still had a chance. If Kid Flash didn’t warn him, one of the goons would land a really nasty hit, which should not have happened. Phantom had one of the best combat spatial awareness out of all of them. He couldn’t always react in time, but it almost never escaped him that an attack was coming.
Something was wrong. Really wrong.
That was why, as soon as the fight was over, Kaldur approached his teammate. He saw Robin doing the same.
Phantom, to give him credit where credit is due, didn’t fly away from the scene first given chance like always. Instead he sat in the space where they were transporting civilians, hand on his right shoulder, unseeing eyes locked on some cracks in the pavement. His mouth was moving without making a sound. He was covered in dust, like all of them.
“Phantom,” Kaldur asked through Mindlink “are you injured?”
Ghost flinched and turned his head, giving the leader a shaky smile. His eyes were still distant.
“Yeah, no, I’m alright. Sorry I was so out of it. Thanks for the rescue Wally, "the boy replied but his eyes slowly turned back to where he was staring before. Other than that, he hadn't moved.
“Phantom, what’s wrong?” Robin tried, both out loud and through Mindlink. Now the whole Team was concerned.
“It's nothing, really,” Phantom answered with a distant tone.“ Just… something weird happen and I need a moment to wrap my head around it”
“What was it?” Artemis asked bluntly before Conner did the Mindlink equivalent of smack on the back of a head. It was a bit weird to see Conner as the sensitive one. Black Canary was doing a great job with helping him over his anger.
“Let him process it on his own before you demand answers,” he growled.
“Adult civilian thanked me,” the ghost mumbled with awe at the same time. For a moment everyone froze in muted shock.
This explained so much while being so confusing. Yes, civilians tended to do it. It felt great. It didn’t warrant such an intense reaction.
“That's nice,” M’gann sent carefully after a long moment.
“Mhm… Really nice”
Kaldur slowly put a hand on the arm Phantom wasn’t holding, to help ground him a bit. Despite his efforts, the ghost flinched under his touch.
“We need to go to a bioship and back to the Mountain. You should probably come with us”
He expected a fight, he had various ideas how to convince younger boy but instead he heard quiet, small “Sure”
Ghost didn’t move for a long moment.
“Phantom?” Robin asked and again, the response was a violent flinch.
“Sorry, sorry. I know it’s dumb I’m just-” he transmitted some sort of lowering melody that Kaldur didn’t know “-right now”
“Did you just send Windows XP shutting down noise?!” Wally yelled, exasperated.
“He did,” Robin snorted. Artemis laughed from one of the surrounding rooftops.
Phantom’s lips twitched with a minimal smile but it disappeared before it fully set. His brows furrowed as he stood up, shrugging Kaldur’s hand off in the process.
“Is this publicly known that I’m a ghost? Like, outside Amity? Or do people just assume I’m a meta?”
“Around 3% of discourse about you is ‘alive or not’-”Robin stated after few seconds of searching n his wrist computer “-with people saying stuff like ‘I’ve seen him breathe’ but everyone else responds with some variation of ‘Are you really going to tell kid how he’s supposed to cope with being dead? Really Jared?’ and the general consensus is that you are in fact a ghost. More people wonder what pronounce you use. Why?”
Phantom said nothing. Kaldur exchanged worried glances with Robin and called everyone else to meet by the bioship. It was a successful but tiring mission and they all wanted nothing more than to relax. After debrief because of course Batman would find things that could’ve gone better.
M’gann and Wally were already waiting by the time they got there. Martian was stiff and looked like she was focusing on some really hard task. She almost shut down the Mindlink.
“Phantom, your thoughts are really loud” she whispered out loud “Louder than normal ghost thoughts. I’m trying not to listen or to transmit it on Mindlink but it’s pretty hard. What’s wrong?”
Kaldur remembered the conversation they all had almost right after Phantom joined the Team. As it turned out, ghosts as ‘the beings of emotions’ had thoughts that Martians could read but on different frequencies than living, whatever that meant, and they were really loud. Like they were screaming on the top of their lungs.
Asphalt creaked ominously when Conner jumped down to join them.
“Sorry”
M’gann relaxed minutely before she got visibly angry.
“I don’t mean ‘shield everything’ Phantom, it’s extremely unhealthy, explain what’s wrong?!”
“Seriously guys, you’re all overreacting. It’s not that deep. I'm just weirded out a bit”
“Your brain was screaming ‘It doesn’t make sense!’ on repeat” M’gann pointed out dryly, ending the Mindlink and motioned them inside the bioship right after Artemis scrambled down a fire escape and joined them.
Phantom skillfully ignored the concerned gazes of every member of the Team other than M’gann who at least pretended to focus on flying. He looked like he was trying to figure out some really complicated puzzle.
“What did this civilian say, exactly?” Robin asked, breaking the silence with a surprising amount of caution in his voice.
“He said ‘Thank you, young man’ and squeezed my shoulder,“ the ghost explained with a wistful and a bit hazy smile. It still didn't justify such an intense reaction “I can still feel it. T’was nice. Not strong enough to hurt but… sure? I didn’t do anything, really, and he most likely knows I'm a ghost, but he thanked me anyway. No sense”
Halfway through Robin seemed to get an idea and once again started typing away on his computer. Phantom sunk into his seat more comfortably, but he quickly returned to distressed overthinking.
“People rarely make sense,” Conner pointed out.
“Nah, you just can't people yet” Wally grinned between bites of his granola bar.
“Nah, you're just an extrovert with superpowers. People make no sense,” Artemis decided in a way that ended all arguments “But gratitude after rescue is pretty typical…”
“Not for Phantom“
“What do you mean, Robin?”
“He means, I'm a ghost, Kaldur,” Phantom started “Of course they're not thanking me. I'm an ‘odd, manipulative and evil manifestation of post-living consciousness on ectoplasm‘ and ‘always hostile towards living but lack the sentience to comprehend moral aspects of my behavior‘ and ‘should be eradicated for betterment of the living realm’.” he recited almost cheerfully and it made something in Kaldur’s stomach twist. Judging by their faces, his teammates felt the same way.
“You don’t actually believe that, do you?” M’gann asked carefully.
“It doesn’t matter if I believe this or not. They do. Why would anyone thank me? Especially an adult. Teens apparently decided I'm hot so they support me, which is also weird, and kids think I'm cool because of the ectoblasts and can fly. They usually gush about being saved like ‘omg it’s Phantom’ which is still weird but not as surreal as anyone actually thanking. But that dude was probably on retirement. He wasn’t someone I would expect to have any positive interaction with. Most people his age would try to exorcize me or something”
“That certainly isn’t an aster”
“Eh, I’m fine. Most are just yelling. Problems start when anti-ghost weapons, especially guns, get on the table but I can’t blame them for that one too”
“Dude, I cannot express how far from fine this is”
“You deserve gratitude Phantom” Kaldur added “You’re doing a lot of great work”
“If you say so”
“Also, can we go back to the guns? How often do the people you’re saving try to shoot you?” Artemis asked, raising her head from inspecting her arrows.
“Amity Park is to ghost hunters what Gotham is to crime rates in the USA. Should not be counted if you want something actually similar to reality. Of course they have guns to shoot ghosts. And, let me remind you, I am a ghost-”
“I think we can talk about it another time. How do you feel, Phantom?” M’gann interrupted from her seat, intensly not looking back at them. She once again was tense.
“Still weird as hell to be honest”
“Good weird or bad weird” she pressed on. Kaldur kinda wanted to know what made her do that.
“Good… I think? I know a lot of emotions because I hang out with Jazz Fenton and she pshychoanalizes everyone but I have no idea what to call this. I’m happy that he said this, ecstatic even. But I’m still confused and cautious. Some part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this man to come back, after realizing I’m evil ghost and call hunters and call me manipulative ecto-scum while looking me in the eyes and smile when I’m shot at”
“Did this happen? It’s a bit too specific to believe it didn’t” Wally announced.
“As if only once!” Phantom laughed in an almost hysterical way.
“Don’t think about it right now,” M’gann demanded “Do you want to tell us more about the thanks you got?”
Next words Phantom whispered as if he was sharing some important, sacred secret.
“When he squeezed my arm, it was such a gentle gesture. Such a gentle touch” he sounded on the verge of tears.
“Was it?”
“Yeah... Sorry I’m such a mess over it” ghost muttered after a moment, trying to dry his face with his sleeve. It couldn’t be too helpful nor pleasant, considering his uniform was made mostly out of rubber.
“That’s alright”
“He was so kind and like… cautious too, y’know? Like he cared to not hurt me. When my dad pats me on the back, I’m left out of breath and have to do a few steps to not fall face first on the ground and he thinks I’m normal,” it was always a bit disturbing to hear Phantom talk about his family in present tense. They never mentioned it because they knew when it was bad idea to say something but it didn’t make these instances any less unnerving“And this random civilian seen me as Phantom, almost invulnerable and powerful ghost and chose to be gentle”
Nobody mentioned tears dropping from Phantom’s eyes and down his chin.
“That sounds nice”
“It was. And I, like an idiot, stuttered ‘you're welcome’ and escaped as soon as I could” ghost grumbled, bringing himself back from the memory. Robin actually laughed, honest and open instead of the creepy giggle he used on all sorts of villains. Everyone else soon joined and between breaths someone choked out:
“I did this so many times. So many. I could probably buy a lollipop if I got a cent every time I did it. Maybe even two”
As soon as they weren’t at immediate risk of laughing to death Robin decided to risk it again by starting a captivating tale of clueless Batman holding a baby, getting pie as a present, getting pie in his face and few others.
When he finished, the comfortable type of silence stretched through the Bioship. Everyone was just contently resting, maybe even taking a nap before the ordeal of listening to Batman's ‘Every mistake you made today with sub and sub-sub categories’ lecture while keeping themselves from laughing after all the stories Robin just shared. Kaldur himself was almost asleep when Phantom whispered:
“Is it this nice the second time too?”
“Yeah. It’s even better when you start believing it”
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#dp x dc#dp x yj#No Danny didn't tell the team he's a halfa#not yet#i have no idea what the timeline is here but i think it's pretty early for both Danny and YJ#like they all still have barely any idea how this whole heroing and working in team thing works#i think Phantom rarely comes to actual base because he's busy in Amity#they cut him some slack because everyone knows it's a mess and JL is still working on some way to resolve it#since they can't just send Superman there whenever problem arrises because magic is his weaskness#but Danny still has communicator to call help if he needs it and he joins missions when he can#it's nice to have peers who understand the struggle of being teenage hero#even if they struggle aren't all the same#anyway#wandixx writes#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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So I've said multipe times now (here and here) that thinking nmj is just so blinded by privilege he doesn't undertand that acting out of line gets people killed is, in my opinion, a misunderstanding of his character that ignores the part where he's, you know, actively dying the whole time and thinks that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean I don't think privilege plays no role at all in how he views the world.
Specifically, his view that death (at least premature or violent death) means something.
Death isn't always a tragedy to NMJ, but it is always meaningful. If you kill an evil dangerous person for your righteous cause, that death had meaning. There was evil in the world and now there is less of it. Similarly, if you die in the pursuit of your righteous cause, that death has meaning, because the sheer dedication you gave to it that you were willing to die for it will further that cause, and your bretheren will be invigorated by your sacrifice to fight even harder.
If a death isn't meaningful, that's an injustice and it is up to the living to give it meaning. That's what cuts so deep about his father's murder. There were no consequences, no changes, no meaning. Wen Ruohan was just going to get away with it! He fights and wins an entire war to make it mean something, to make it so that the unjust murder of Nie Mingjue's father is part of Wen Ruohan's downfall.
But this is a view he can only hold because he's the kind of person who's death will be meaningful. Most ordinary people's deaths are meaningless. Not ontologically, not inherently, but they are made meaningless because no one cares. For death to be meaningful you either have to be so powerful that anything you risk your life for will be impacted in some way. (Like, say, if you sacrifice a long life for immense martial power in a faustian bargain with a blade) Or if people with that kind of power care enough about you to do so for you. For most people, this isn't true. A starving street kid has no power to change the unfair world that put them there, even if they risk their life trying, and no one will do it for them once they die.
Nie Mingjue knows this in abstract, and of course rightfully believes it's wrong. But all that does is make it yet another righteous cause people should be willing to die for. Everyone's deaths should mean something, we'll make it so or die trying!
This is what the conflict between nieyao is about at its core. Because Jin Guangyao, fundamentally, cannot conceive of his own death as meaningful. Nie Mingjue grew up around powerful men who could change the world but refuse to do so because god forbid they risk a single hair on their perfect heads. Meng Yao, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where no one of importance would blink twice if you died. He was surrounded by meaningless death. Indeed his entire early life is defined by that lack of care.
Meng Shi dies and no one cares. Meng Yao gets thrown off a flight off stairs and no one cares. He has to be the one to do the caring, and once he's gone no one else will do it for him.
So he has to live.
Jin Guangyao eventually gets far enough that he actually does aquire the power to change some things... as long as he's alive. If he changes too much, holds on too tightly to his ideals, he'll die and it'll all be for nothing. He can't sacrifice himself for his goals because doing so would immediately render those goals unobtainable. No one will care about what he tried to do. He won't be a heroic sacrifice, he'll just be trash that finally cleaned itself up.
And well... Nie Mingjue dies, and someone makes it mean something. Makes it mean so much that the entire story of mdzs would not exist without it. Jin Guangyao dies and it doesn't mean anything. Most people are glad to be rid of him, and the few that are not don't do anything to change that.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#meng yao#nieyao#of course the inherent tragedy is that nmj is totally THE guy to ask if you want your death to mean something#nmj's reaction the the fact that most ppl's deaths are meaningless is to go: yes and I should change this.#If everyone thought like me this wouldn't happen anymore I simply need to get EVEN MORE HARDCORE about justice to MAKE them care#and this quality- which makes him the one person perhaps capable of making jgy's death mean something- also makes him a threat to his life#so jgy kills him because he needs to live. And then his beliefs about the meaninglessness of his own death are doomed to be true#what else was he supposed to do? just die and TRUST that someone would make it mean something?#like his mother trusted that his father would come back for them?#of course he can't do that.#just like how nmj's upbringing means that by the stairs he can't see how jgy- son of a sect leader and extremely capable-#is any different from the men who wrung their hands and told him that wen ruohan is just *too powerful* they can't do anything about him.#(*guy who killed wrh and wil go on to kill jgs voice* i just can't do anything about my dad being evil)#if jgy had agreed to risk his life and asked nmj to make it mean something if he died nmj would have said yes.#which is why he can't understand jgy wouldn't just ASK that.#jgy meanwhile has not been informed that was a fucking option and if he was wouldnt be able to trust that it'd actually happen.#for reasons outlined above#ahhh tragedy and inability of characters to understand each other i love you
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I actually think Dorian and Orym should fight more.
Remember when their slowly building tension over and entire episode (full of passive aggressive remarks and blame throwing) led to threats? And how after, Orym thanked Dorian for handing over the crown sadly because he knew Dorian would be mad at him? And Dorian couldn't even look at him because he was legitimately hurt, thinking Orym was disappointed in him for doing what he thought was right? That was peak.
The fact they went from that to their current closeness and trust is the best part of their entire dynamic. Their relationship was hard fought and still will be. They will fight for it because they respect and care for one another deeply, and their disagreements don't change that, only improve it.
#critical role#cr3#orym#dorian#dorym#text post#cr discourse#'dorian deserved that actually and is being stupid by agreeing with ludinus'#'orym was too mean and needs to be quiet about his trauma'#just say you don't understand their characters#or that they are characters#you don't have to agree with them. they can make decisions you wouldn't make and disagree with#its good tv regardless#dorian didnt deserve that and orym was too harsh#dorian needed to be reminded of the consequences of indulging those ideas and viewpoints and orym is tired of this discussion happening#these things can coexist#neither of them have the whole picture here. we can't judge them based off of what we as viewers know#dorian didn't see first hand what the ruby vanguard has done. only what the spider queen did so thats on his mind more than anything#orym didnt see first hand (nor hear many details) about opal and cyrus. only what the vanguard has been doing to them for months#let them bicker and argue#its the best part#only going near the discourse because i have been waiting years for more of this and bitches on twitter are complaining about it#and often from people who don't even like orym (or sometimes dorian). go back to ignoring them and let me enjoy this moment in peace#i know i am adding to the discourse but i needed to find other people who want more dorym relationship drama before we get more fluff
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i think no matter how minor viktor's problems are jayce is always going to drop everything and make viktor his top priority.
viktor didn't sleep well last night and he's eepy? jayce is going to whip off his jacket to make a pillow for viktor. he doesn't care if it's raining, viktor needs a pillow!
viktor has a minor cold and is looking a lil pale and sniffly? jayce is canceling all his plans. his lab partner is SICK. and NEEDS HIM.
viktor had a bad day? someone was mean to him? ALERT ALERT DEFCON 4. GET THE HAMMER.
i don't even think mel is the first woman jayce walked out on to go check on his lab partner, just the hottest
#i'm sorry i can't come into work today. my platonic bestie roommate had a bad dream and i need to hug him and make him soup#because hearing about his bad dream scared me. so we will both be working from home. thanks for understanding everyone. go hextech team!#jayvik#jayce x viktor#jayce talis
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So how’s ride kamens going for you as I just pulled my self together long enough to read the other half of the current main story
I've been working on catching up on the event stories since they announced the upcoming main story update! (I totally bombed the last few events...they're so fast-paced and I just didn't have time...😭)
and then of course they went and dropped THIS on us today
(you don't understand, I LOVE Tajador and I already love the two blurry frames they've given us of non-silhouetted Kelka, I'm ready to absolutely lose my shit come the announcement/reveal(?) stream on Thursday --)
#art#ride kamens#ride kamens spoilers#october is officially NEW BOY MONTH#month of BOYS#i had suspected we were going to be getting some new guys eventually because. well. gacha.#but it's HAPPENING and oh my WHAT a strong start#me checking twitter and immediately turning into the beyonce meme: TAJADOR?!#hold on i'm contractually obligated to do the jingle#🎶 TAAAAAAJAAAAAAADOOOOORU 🎶#flashback to during the initial run of reveals when my sister was guessing ankh for every one because 'eventually it'll be right'#i can't believe it came true. i'm so happy#ugh i need to either grind out more seals for keys or see if anyone's uploaded the stories#i mean it's prooooobably not necessary to understand the main story but. i want to be fully prepared.#and i'm still a little salty about missing out on both birthday agata AND radical rollerbladin' araki#how dare they do this to me when i have DEADLINES >:(#...anyway get hype for part 2!!!!!#i hope we get powerup forms! just pile more stuff on top of these guys and watch them gently topple over#i still think leon should be allowed to henshin but. y'know. maybe as a big finale.#he will save us with the power of friendship and fresh-baked cookies
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