#i need to stop giving things lore
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
oh no it has a plot now
4K notes
·
View notes
Note
I am sorry to hear that the depression has stolen your spark.
I want you to know that you are the sole reason I gave Skyward Sword a chance. Your art was so beautiful and compelling that I just had to know about the media it came from.
Your art introduced me to an incredible community that years later, I am still benefitting from. Your art was the gateway, and I've always been thankful to you for that.
I hope your spark realights, and I hope you can kick depression right in its ass.
i- i did that????? qoq
yes im reviving old reaction pictures
i hope im not ruining the mood bc .. this legitimately made me tear up and i kept thinking of this ever since receiving the ask-
but bc i cant keep my mouth shut (i apologize if you are already well aware of all this i just .. like to talk i guess), i ... idk i have said this before but i feel incredibly conflicted about demise (am i allowed to like him??? do i even like him when i changed him so much??? am i a fraud fan????) and the game he comes from, i .. dont actually like skyward sword that much, or, not as much as it may seem like (my favorite is windwaker, second is botw), every now and then i even feel guilty for demise being my blorbo tm- as much as i love him im under no illusion what his introduction to the series did, the games lore is not .. great, it seems to have kickstarted the decline of the series writing and completely torpedoed any sort of fandom discussion by making zelda a literal reincarnation of the good tm gods of love and light and peace and everything good tm uwu and pit her against an evil demonnnnn that just crawled out the earth one day (??) and was only evil and bad and dark and hate incarnate an hated the good tm gods bc hes jsut so eviiiil, it gave rise to the utter dissmissal of any sort of ganondorf related discussions (funny how it only seems to apply to ganondorf, and none of the other villains hmmmmmmmmmmmm) bc, while not confirmed confirmed (though the fandom likes to pretend that), hes now widely seen as a reincarnation of demise and thus, doesnt need nuance or be given any grace or thought bc apparently when you say someone is a demon (or its reincarnation, which i dont believe ganondorf is, to be clear) that means its fine to not give them any thought bc demons are just evil tm and thats ok and good writing actually (wat????)
(if you take skysw as canonically how it all went down bc my interpretation makes it all be a fabricated lie so the gods can play their little games, there is no godess reincarnation, that was a lie to make way for an opressive kingdom belivieing itself to be irrevocably good no matter what they do etc)
it also cheapens any of the past entries, all of them have been flattened by this, why disscuss ganondorfs motivation lol, he just be a demon/demons puppet, zelda could never be wrong or do bad things bc she literal incarnation of goodness uwu etc- (and then totk, only the second game after skysw, retreads its points and makes it even worse while ALSO trampeling over that game imo)
i dont like saying it, but i do feel a little alienated even from ganondorf fans (i love him too!!!!!) bc they hate demise, and rightfully so, it feels weird having your main blorbo be the reason your second fav is constantly done dirty, why you cant even talk about anything critically bc 'iTs jUst a sIMpLe fAiRytALe' now and part of the reason the lore in general has gone to shit, and i dont know how much i can talk about that before i become an obnoxious 'well ACTUALLY my blorbo, who is the reason for all this, is ALSO done dirty and im gonna explain away the bad stuff via my completely noncanon reinterpretation-' guy, or if i already am what im doing with destiny is like .. my way of trying to fix it and make it interesting again? though at this point i guess im falling into the category of people who change their blorbo so much that there really isnt anythign left of the og, which worries me alot, though i wonder if thats even possible given how little there is to him in the first place, i so often see viral posts that make me feel guilty or conflicted for the way i work with media, "actually my blorbo did all those crimes and thats good you all who need to explain away the bad things are weak and annoying!!" "people who change their favs until they barely resemble the character anymore should just make an oc instead!!"-
i dont know if i take these types of posts too literally, i dont know when or how they apply, but it always circles around in my head, i know not everyone can like what you do, but i want to work with the material i have in an interesting way, not a puritanical way (or however you call that), its not in my mind every second, but it nevertheless makes me doubt what i do with my fanworks anytime i talk about them-
... this wasnt really the point of the message was it ... apologies, i hope not every ask will devolve into a sort of mini rant ;__; i dont mean to invalidate what you said, (and im not saying skyward sword is all bad, its full of charm, from characters to designs, just the lore is .. damaging) it is incredibly touching bc me or my art having a positive impact on people blindsides me every single time like "WHAT??? IMPOSSIBLE you MUST be thinking of someone else, no way i could do that", when something gets brought up my thoughts just kinda start pouring out, i thought about deleting everything i wrote, but then felt like that wouldnt be as genuine anymore (i am not normal tm after all and im long past a point pretending otherwise) and have wasted another hour for nothing, so im gonne leave it in and hope, pray even, it comes across correctly
q-q
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i guess i have a problem with things that could be interesting but arent#i couldnt really think of anything to do with windwaker though its my fav zelda game#but to reinvent the whole lore the entire franchise is based on is my thing!!#and i hate totk like no other game yet i keep making art for my rewrite of it#i guess its the thing that drives people mad#when something is bad when it shouldnt have been#or in case of skysw its like .... ok you gave me room to recontextualize literally everything here i goooo#i really hope they dont try to put anything before skysw#i like when something doesnt have a lot of lore bc it lets me be creative with everything while still fit it to the rest#i think this ask was more mant to just be a compliment#but when im given an opening i WILL talk bout whavetever is occupying my mind#and i saw multiple people talk about skysw so ... thats that i guess#also .. just letting myself talkabout doubts and stuff is just kinda .. distracting from everything else#and i need to stop playing stardew bc my thumb nd eye hurt when i woke up so ... mandatory break#already planning to do too much for all these asks .. gotta force myself to just answer#and not plan out the most elaborate drawings ever in an attempt to give back as much as i can to the ppl who sent them#bc i cant! do all of that! argh!
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
alright so now that we’ve gotten some actual crumbs, it feels like it’s a good time to lay out my prediction for what da4 is going to look like. writing this in a letter and mailing it to myself
we are part of an underground organization formed from the ruins of the inquisition to stop solas from ending the world
meanwhile the wardens have been researching the blight/the location of the archdemons and discover some secret about the location of the black city/what is actually contained in it
we’re supposed to be shocked at the reveal that the evanuris are trapped in the black city and the maker doesn’t exist
the ancient elves were in control of some crazy mutating technology (like in hormak) and that was the original source of the darkspawn. the whole thing about them being from the deep roads and a dwarf concern was actually just a red herring, they’re just underground because they’re powered by lyrium and this has ALSO been an elf thing the whole time :)
anyway, now we need to Double Make Sure the veil stays up because the evanuris have something even worse cooking up in the black city and we need to prevent them from unleashing a super blight and destroying all life, and our job is to convince solas to give up, not because we disagree with his plan but because his actions will have unintended consequences. even if he doesn’t care about everyone else and wants to rebuild the world, he won’t even be able to do THAT because the super blight will kill elves too. so although we WERE enemies we will have to band together to defeat the greater threat etc. it will be optional to recruit him as an ally/advisor, or you can just fight him directly and take control of his forces
we will have to cross into the fade AGAIN and storm the black city directly to put a stop to whatever’s going on in there
#i feel fairly confident about this but i hope i’m wrong honestly.#i’m a little disappointed that it’s probably going to turn out to be ‘elves are the most important people and also the cause of everything#and their lore is the Correct one’#i hope to god that they give you the option to fight him and don’t just force you to make nice for no reason lol#ESPECIALLY if this is a new protagonist with no history with him#it’s pretty much the same formula as inquisition and origins. two-step problem where the thing we initially set out to fix turns out to be#the least of our problems and we’ll need to put aside our differences for the greater good#it will probably also come out that the tevinter gods are also an elf thing. like how flemythal can turn into a dragon#and then the archdemons were the original hormak style experiment. or something#and we won’t have an explanation for the maker bc that’s just humans being silly. but see everything has a neat scientific explanation :)#or maybe the maker is like. elgarnan in disguise lmal#i am perhaps being a little ungenerous but also. i feeel in my gut that this is what they’re planning#mine#dragon age#da4#ghilannain feels like a possible candidate bc of the lore abt how she created halla. but there was that trailer with a mans voice#so it will probably be elgarnan because he’s the head of the pantheon especially now that mythal is gone#GOD i hope that comes up#they’re pulling so much from trespasser. a dlc that wasn’t even the main game and lots of people may not have played#they’d better reference the stinger ending of the actual game and give some resolution to that#maybe it’s going to be like. solas’s plan to take care of the evanuris when the veil comes down is to just absorb them#but we need to convince him that they’ve had time to set other contingencies up so even that won’t stop whatever they’ve started
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love doodling swapinverse like hello drawing characters aside from the normal mtt is lowkey therapeutic 🧡🧡🧡 anyways i FINALLY FINALLY finished crash's lore!!!! and vice.SER is connected to him,,,, theyre interconnected!!! i forgot how much i liked crash's design (not the design but all the little gimmicks in the design. figuring out all the hanging ribbon bits is annoying but hey it looks good)
#outertale does not exist in swapinverse anymore. how quaint#dude thalia and melpomene are th only ones that r like. 100% good#I NEED TO MAKE MORE GOOD AND NICE CHARACTERS😭😭😭😭#mst..... recreators (qip name 4 siphon n crash?) and vice.SER........ theyre all EVIL (or have evil goals)#i WAS thinking doing something with reaper because i adore his design and aesthetic and i wanna combine it with SOMETHING idk what#anyways if core frisk error which is supposed to be vice.SER exists then should normal core frisk exist too?????#i mean i dont think that just because a core frisk role esque person exists doesnt mean the role is instantly filled up#the mst and mtt co exist in swapinverse but those 3 are like.... NORMAL aus. not outcodss n stuff#i love the giant lance thing i gave crash. i mean the ribbons can form any weapon and take any shape (kinda like puella magi mami's guns)#but like..... it just is so cool i love characters that use multiple weapons#i LOVE (haha) every single little gimmick thing i give swapinverse characters. the tiny details is what i adore giving them#if you catch me not posting 4 a bit its probably just bc im working on swapinverse or jk fashion au. or maybe ive seriously just lost motiva#anyways i have a few banger rants in my drafts ive yet to elaborate om but just like....... i dont feel like it#someon needs to wrangle those posts out of my tired lazy arms#lowkey why do siphon and crash remind me of kanade and mafuyu. idk i cant explain#if you cut vice.ser in half it would be like jelly with binary in it. i wanna eat him#he would tingle on my tongue but thats just the static. eating yhe glasses would be difficult bit they dont have lenses so its ok#i drew them both looking at us but i think that vice.ser is the only true one always looking at US.looking out from inside#god i love swapinverse sooo much i wish i could get it done faster and be goatedly good with motivation. a shame#but i do think that i may be finishing up the character descriptions 500% ish sure#SO THEN THAT MEANS I CAN WORK ON THE ACTUAL STORY!!!! WOOOOO#ive already decided that theres gonna be mentions of me myself and i in it. i love meta storytelling#im cursed with perpetually sweaty hands i hate having to draw on slighty damp paper. nobody understands me#UGH im getting too happy in life im starting to act weird in public and offering to help people. i need to stop#anyways just school doodles!!! because in the period where they take our phones i have naught to do but draw#i need to get back (start) my english reading. and then help my friend with a few questions on her homework. how joyous#and then i can get back to my BETTER homework (working on swapinverse :3)#crash managed to destroy outertale in his lore i wonder how many worlds vice.SER will destroy#actually if hes supposed to be core frisk error then i should make him NOT destroy worlds right???? right#tricule rant
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
can we get some tsaritsa headcanons of yours? specifically appearance wise because i gen don't know how to picture her in my head.
YES because i've thought about it extensively and revised it like 20 times. um. don't expect a full descriptor though i run on Vibes tm
the core of tsaritsa to me is a careful dichotomy of archon of cryo + goddess of love. creating the ideal symbol of love and also frigid and emotionless. of a warrior as much as a leader. Childe speaks of this especially (describing her as a true warrior, arrogant and cold in Childe's delusion story, again with Childe but in his "about Tsaritsa" voice line describing her as gentle, "too gentle"). this is the base of her design, to me.
originally i leaned towards "very tall but very lean" at first but i've kind of leaned in the opposite direction lately. still view her as very tall (inhumanely, even), but i've taken a lot of inspiration from marble statues (and sometimes paintings) as a reference (notably and obviously, aphordite) in terms of body structure with the only exception being i view her with broader shoulders then typically painted/sculpted. facial structure is a different matter, but the general view i have is "angular and sharp" (prominent cheekbones, defined jawline, etc).
to be more specific as well, i tend to make the tsaritsa very colorless. the most color she gets is the occasional shades of blue, but most colors i associate with her are very monochrome in nature. i also use this to create a less "human" appearance for her as a personal hc of mine that the archons are all vaguely Off and not quite human in some manner. i portray this specifically in a few ways (extremely pale skin (to the point it makes her veins a lot more visible), white iris, etc) and a few other things i haven't quite settled on. i've considered the idea of her fingers having a black gradient (similar to arlecchino, in a manner) in reference to severe frostbite.
not quite as necessary to the design but i also just give all the Archons big teef on principle. nothing more intimidating then someone you thought was a funeral consultant flashing a set of teeth that can rip out your jugular with no effort!! +1 to unnerving factor. don't piss off the local mondstadt bard, either. it's a bit unnerving to see them when he's laughing like a madman.
speaking of unnerving, i usually write and view the tsaritsa as very stone faced. like, it could put arlecchino to shame. not a single emotion to be seen. you won't even see her face twitch if she's angry. if she smiles you've royally fucked up and you have roughly 0.2 seconds to live. g-dspeed.
another feature i usually add is claw jewelry because it just Fits. in silver, obviously. and she keeps those things sharp. don't get mistaken by the name she can maim a man with those.
i keep clothing very vague because im not familiar with traditional clothing (ill create a mock-up of a design some day. probably) but one of the core parts of it is the veil. don't think wedding veil, though. even if it's white i imagine it's design more as a mourning veil because it fits more with her character (while weddings are associated with "love", the mourning veil suits her better i think in this regard. delusional made up lore things babey!!!!).
#asks#Anonymous#tsaritsa#i would imagine a bit of fur plays a part in her design though. is this bc i love fur in designs?? maybe!!! fur on clothes esp formal ones#is so good its unreal#i think abt tsaritsa design a lot i try to create a dichotomy of “mother” versus “archon” in essence?? its kind of complicated#mother in reference 2 the hoth kids referring to her as such which is WILD.#crazy lore drop there btw arlecchino u got smth 2 say abt that “father” holds out a mic#i am going off the like 2 things we know about her here give me a break#all i had for so long was like. venti offhanded mention and childes two mentions#the arle one doesnt really tell me much but it does make me go crazy anyway#further confirming my characterization of the tsaritsa i think hoyo is taking notes from me /j#okay i need 2 be put down before this gets out of hand im stopping myself and cutting this short#or i will never shut up everyone go home#i said i run off pure vibes w her design i wasnt lying btw#tldr powerful but “gentle” silhouette is the goal#big quotes around gentle
19 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character
bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it
Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them
Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???
C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'
I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.
(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)
OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.
As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.
Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.
This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.
#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr#considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here#“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!”#and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good-#and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he#doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything#… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing#genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki#(Trying to space out names so they dont tag)#I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired#I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already#Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but#It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about—#most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept#asks#he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there#he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if—#someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense#sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal…….#thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters#anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh yeah saw blue beetle last night and one million thumbs up. going into having heard it’s very tokusatsu and comic booky made it one million times better. goofy and stupid in fun ways. i’m so glad we’ve looped back around to comic book movies being like comic books: confusing chronologically and catered to fans willing to put up with wildly specific nonsense. also heck of a great job making a movie about gentrification and colonization out of the chaos of blue beetle lore and corporate blandification i genuinely had fun
#like it’s not the BEST done story about gentrification and colonization. but it’s a very interesting attempt at doing one in the dc universe#also ADORED how they did ted’s old tech i love love love that it was chronologically accurate and cheesy in the best way#of COURSE his tech is outdated he was a superhero TWENTY-THIRTY YEARS AGO!!#when mcu stuff went back in time they just retconned it to be cool futuristic sci-fi stuff too. i ADORE the idea that a) there WERE#superheroes in the last and b) time still passes! them being there shaped the world and influences the superheroes we have now!!#and SO glad to see DC finally capitalizing on their legacy heroes <- the one thing that stands them out from marvel#yeah this was a mediocre movie to the average fan. i think comic book movies should be. fuck blockbuster everyone movies#cbms should be wildly specific and about characters no one’s ever heard of to tell fun stories with them#also love the minimal level of integration with the rest of the dc movie verse#jaime went to gotham university and there was that one name drop of bruce wayne in an ad but SO happy no obnoxious cameos.#this is just another corner of the universe! it’s a coherent WORLD but that doesn’t mean the same individuals need to show up everywhere.#loved it. i know it’s not a great movie but i had so much fun from the moment i saw the intro talking about actual lore#it was 100x improved by what i already knew about jaime reyes and i know that’s a bad thing for non-aware viewers but fuck it. stop catering#to the audience that refuses to read comic books or put up with their tropes. cater to the people who are already here and love it#thank youuuuuuuuuuuu <3 also give people from the cultures superheroes represent more money to tell those superheroes stories . it’s great
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
Holding them in my hands again....
Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
............ me next please 🙏🏻
That is love right there I can see it
What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
more Octo2 thoughts bc it's been a hell of a weekend for me and I need something nice to think about (shh, my weekends are on weekdays, don't ask, just know tips are better on the real weekends, and I will eventually one day not work in food and have real weekends off again hopefully); under the cut bc lategame spoilers, as usual
alskdjaskld completely forgot Throne's Ch3 Father's Route, so I did that real fast before heading to Stormhail. Apparently? I forgot? Did not pay attention? To the fact that Sebastian/Father actually is never directly stated to be Claude's son, and insofar as we know he was just born in some shitty town and had to resort to stealing to survive (and therefore wasn't raised to be a Blacksnake), and joined the Blacksnakes of his own free will after moving to the city?? So like, sure he could still be Claude's son bc *vaguely gestures at Mr. Bigtits Sexiroth and his terrible horrible fucked up MGS-scheme to not be Vide's vessel* and it could be he was only allowed into the Blacksnakes bc he was secretly Claude's son, but it's still an interesting detail that unlike 99% of the Blacksnakes, he wasn't raised by/in the organization itself.
Marietta however does seem to have been part of the Blacksnakes, which has the disconcerting implication that she's uh, related to Claude despite bearing his child later on (which I honestly wouldn't put past him, and if Throne is somehow the Cleopatra of a fucked up Fantasy Ptolemy-esque family tree, I honestly wouldn't even question it at this point, there is so much weird shit going on in her story arc).
I'm still not entirely convinced Marietta didn't pull a Hatoful by pretending to kill her child w/ Sebastian and actually killing her child with Claude (making Throne actually Sebastian's daughter, and therefore making the whole "not Vide's vessel" thing make a bit more sense, although I have a new theory cooking for that as well that doesn't require her to not be Claude's actual daughter), but the evidence is stronger for Throne being Claude's literal daughter so, anyhow, her story arc is still a very messed up MGS-esque Fantasy John Wick story. But I mean, I still have one more chapter for Throne to try and scour for information for why she isn't Vide's vessel, what's going on w/ the Blacksnakes and their superpowers, and also how exactly the legend of the prince and princess might shed light on Solistia's distant past (I mean, we know the prince was probably Claude, but the princess? Arcanette maybe? and what of the two fighting kingdoms? does the Great Wall and the lost kingdom therein have something to do w/ it?)
Ochette's Stormhail chapter was pretty straightforward. I did waste most of my money buying fancy armor and weapons though, even with Partitio's 20% discount via his follower (who is ironically Masoud). It did have some interesting timeline info though (Glacis's egg was shattered 10 years before the start of the story, around the same time Ochette was required to choose her animal companion). I'm really going to have to watch a walkthrough/playthrough of everything though and actually take notes on the various years and stuff to put together a proper timeline one of these days...
Oh, and Osvald does say the Pit of D'arqest is "just south" of Stormhail in his banter w/ Temenos, so yeah, it seems like the Infernal Castle and the Pit of D'arqest are related if not the same location. Interesting to keep in mind for when I eventually go and level grind there.
Finally pinpointed the two things about Temenos's story arc that were irking me. The first I knew, and that was that "genocide survivor joins her peoples' killers and also seeks the power that her people literally abhorred which is also the source of power for her peoples' killers to...try and destroy said killers" just does not work as a plot for me. Love the concept of Kaldena as a character, but god her arc is a mess. Writer's could have done something more interesting with her than...all that. She deserved better writing.
The second thing is, uh, the entire Stormhail chapter. I didn't really process it my first run bc Crick's death is so out of left field that I was too surprised to think about it, but the pacing for this chapter is just...weird (certain scenes could have been slightly rewritten and put into Ch2, or at least the events could have been rearranged so there weren't these awkward pauses and transitions into new scenes; I get there were trying to let Crick get enough screentime to make his death matter, but honestly the entire thing is just kinda poorly paced by my tastes).
But more so than the pacing, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT BOTH TEMENOS AND CRICK ARE INTELLIGENT ADULTS which they clearly are except for this one thing IF THEY IMMEDIATELY SPLIT UP AFTER SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL THEM ONCE? HELLO? Is this a horror movie? Are you perhaps, young teens in a mediocre slasher flick? Someone tried to KILL YOU and you decide no, it's fine, let's take a break for the night, I'm going to the inn, you can head on back to the Sacred Guard which we just established is where the killer is hiding, this is a very logical, good plan with no flaws whatsoever.
Like, listen, I don't think Crick's death was really necessary (it doesn't actually add that much to the overall narrative in my opinion, aside from shock value, and we already had Jorg getting killed bc he Maes Hughes'd himself by knowing too much, you can't...pull the same trick twice without some fancier plot setup usually), but what really irks me about it was it was entirely avoidable if the two had just gone ahead and either investigated together (confrontation with Cubaryi could have still occured, except Crick would be there), or headed to the inn together since Crick's entire thing is protecting people and someone literally just tried to kill Temenos (and then they could have investigated and the chapter could have more or less played out the same except Crick may or may not die, like they could have had him die protecting Temenos before or after the fight w/ Cubaryi, although again, I don't think his death adds more to the story than leaving him alive would have, and my general thoughts on character deaths in fiction is that they should always be absolutely necessary for the entire narrative and plot to work)
So anyhow, yeah, Temenos's Stormhail chapter is actually where his story kinda starts to feel eh to me. I wish to release an army of puppies to chew on the writers' furniture and slippers, just for the frustration. Because like, as I thought, there doesn't have to be that many changes to Temenos's story to make it work for me, the pacing and random "horror movie protagonists IQ" doesn't work for me. Or Kaldena's writing. But both those things would require just the slightest rework to make the entire narrative flow smoothly.
Anyhow, looking forward to seeing Hikari get zapped off a bridge next (I know it's supposed to be serious and dramatic, but Rai Mei literally just zapping him off the bridge is so funny to me, she really just sees him and casts Bolt of Fuck Off). I'll also be keeping an eye out for Ori since her journals indicate she should be around for this next chapter.
#''I need something nice to think about'' as that thing is Octo2 with a variety of messed up things happening in it at any given time#but man this has been a very stressful few days and unfortunately none of my issues are things that I can resolve quickly#do not want to go to work again but at the same time the distraction will be nice#even if it means dealing with less stressful but stupider and very different issues#anyhow I'm starting to think that ''women who get mostly ignored by the writers but have so much potential'' is just my thing now#like listen...Kaldena Cubaryi Marietta Petrichor Arcanette...we could have learned so much more about all of them and we didn't#which like my city now and all that#but I need to stop taking over cities bc the writers didn't want to give their weird woman side character a coherent backstory#like listen if Bigtits Sexiroth gets a clear motive and backstory (more or less) the writers should tell me what's going on w/ Marietta#I could have given Kaldena a better arc though...she really deserved a better arc...girl you could have had something better...#apparently Cubaryi was supposed to survive and get a unique postgame quest that got scrapped at some point#so at least the writers intended to expand whatever her deal was before axing that idea#mostly I just want to know more about a lot of the important background characters#anyhow that's all for tonight folks#oracle of lore
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
I played the archon quest...
It was played out so well AND I TEARED UP SO MANY TIMES IN THE START ITSELF WHAT DO YOU MEAN CASUALTIES ON POSSOIN WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT MELUSE AND SILVER—
I was rather delusional, "they would let anything happen to the people of Fontaine, even Furina should be alright", they all weren't alright and even furina suffered so much
I gasped so many times ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT CUTSCENE WHERE THE MAGIC BOX OPENS AND WERE ON THE STAGE OF THE OPERA OMG AND THE WHOLE TRIAL
When the traveller spoke and revealed that they were all here to prove that furina was in fact not the hydro archon I was so shocked (not that I didn't expect that furina wasn't the archon but because I didn't expect them to so openly charge her in court like they did)
And the whole narwhal breaks into the opera house and the following cutscene, Childe literally fell back into that... portal??? and like no one was worried about him lmao (childe got sent to prison and then he broke out, tried to contain the narwhal and protected the people of Fontaine from becoming fodder... if I must say the grudges I held against him for stirring up trouble in Liyue has vanished....)
And the the Focalors and Neuvillette convo and the cutscene I WAS SO CLOSE TO SOBBING MY EYES OUT AND FOCALORS SAYING "HYDRO DRAGON HYDRO DRAGON DON'T CRY" sob sob why is hoyo making everyone sad
And the narwhal was so cool ngl the animations and all!! And... I struggle with that phase 2 thing because I don't have fontaine characters aside from lynette and freminet and was like wdym use pneuma and ousia and I was just standing there letting the humanoid boss doing his thing while well not actually doing anything because Zhongli's shield but then yeah I actually managed to read the info text thing instead of blanking out lmao
AND THEN SKIRK WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT NARWHAL IS A PET???????????? THIS FOWL GUY IS INSANE FOR HIS CHOICE OF PETS LIKE EXCUSE ME?? IT NEARLY WRECKED A NATION????
And furina crying on her throne was actually so sad but even sadder once you actually understand all that she has been through... I really want to play her story quest immediately
And this third descender.... I need more lore...
And now that Fontaine's archon quest ended, I am excited for when dain will appear and then Natland please give us more info about that nation we haven't even seen an npc from there.... but Neuvillette saying that there's dragons over there like hohoho more dragons? I'm up for it!
Okay this ask got really long so I'll end it here
CONGRATS ON BECOMING A FURINA HAVER!!! AND THE EARLY JEAN C2 AND THE BAIZHU WEAPON!!! WOOHOO!
🍀
no bc i am still not okay from that aq and its been a week. WHENEVER I THINK ABT IT OR EVEN HEAR THAT DAMN OST I START SOBBING 😭 meluse and silver..... MELUSE AND SILVER................ NO U DONT UNDERSTAND THE AMOUNT OF TEARS I SOBBED AND IT WAS RIGHT AT THE START 😭😭
and no that cutscene... i felt horrible for furina being forced into that position and even tho we find out later she wouldnt have told us everything when in that box, its the fact that if she did, all her hard work being someone she isnt, losing herself over the last 500 years of loneliness and solitude would have been for nothing bc then everyone there would have found out the truth before the final trial and :(( i just felt we were being way too harsh and inconsiderate of her, even despite the scenario of the prophecy at the time
AND YES THE WHOLE CHILDE PART HAD ME JUMPING AND GASPING AND HUH-ING SO BAD KDSHFS AND WHEN SKIRK JUST YEETED HIM AWAY WITH THE NARWHAL WHEN WE MET HER 😭🤚
THE NEUVILLETTE FOCALORS MOMENT.... THE FURINA MONOLOGUE AND ALL THE SCENES SHE HAD TO GO THROUGH FROM 500 YEARS AGO TO THE PRESENT.... FURINA CRYING ON HER OWN AND ASKING HERSELF WHEN WILL IT ALL BE OVER..... THE FOCALORS CUTSCENE AND DANCE AND THE OST CHANGING AND THEN NEUVILLETTE REGAINING HIS AUTHORITY AND DECLARING THE PEOPLE OF FONTAINE AS NOT GUILTY....... UGLY SOBBING I HAD TO SIT THERE STARING AT NOTHING FOR A GOOD 10-20 MINUTES AFTER THE CUTSCENE WAS OVER BC THE TEARS WOULD NOT STOP SOBBING AND I WAS NOT OKAY
crying daughter furina uve been through so much and have such amazing willpower and strength i hope u live a happy and peaceful life as an ordinary human now ;w; or as ordinary as u can get after everything u went through ;w;
and yes dain..... dain my soggy kicked puppy snookums how i miss u so...... pls be playable soon..... i will give u my bank in advance for u c6 r5........
and omg yes natlan !!!! the dragon info... and how neuvi said he would not be welcomed??? and how the dragons and humans are integrated in each others lives??????? im so excited aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA
AND TY !!! daughter is home and safe and shes now lvl 90 hehe :3
#omg a convo !?#clover nonnie !!#genshin spoilers#<- just in case !!#AND THIRD DESCENDER CAMEO#pls i need the descenders lore..........#no but this aq was so so SO good and it took my top spot along with just the whole fontaine arc in general#im yet to do her story quest but ive heard mixed things abt it#mainly abt how traveler and paimon were unnecessarily pushy and rude??? crying stop putting my daughter in these situations#SHES HAD ENOUGH GDI !!!! GIVE HER A BREAK !!!!!!!! CRIES
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Unfortunately I don't play Genshin anymore due to storage problems BUT IM ALSO A WANDERER MAIN LMAO AND OMFG THANK YOY VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS AND YES FARUZAN SUPREMACY AAAAAAAAAAA ILY SM<333
I'm literally going crazy bc you replied to my crazed fan ask HAHAHAHAHA
\(//∇//)\ i am definitely not responding late!! i perceive time like a normal human would.. and that’s so crazy!! ♡
i have loved wanderer since maybe my first time hearing his existence?? i’m not a day-one-er but quite close! so glad he did not get signora’d. if you play on mobile you can try deleting the app and redownloading because the clear old files option doesn’t actually clear everything, and sometimes a redownload may be able to fit within your storage! i absolutely adore faruzan though!! peak character design even if she is genshin’s hatsune miku, not complaining though i think her glass looking dress-skirt is amazing. (*´∀`)♪
i’m happy to be able to talk and respond to people!! getting asks just talking to me or people sending things like how they think my writing style is pretty makes me super happy!! so i’m equally as fanboy-ing when you and others talk to me!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯
#you can ignore the tags they are just random thoughts but there’s also like a responsible crewel brainrot at the bottom!!#i seriously cannot respond in a mandated time because my concept of time is warped?? what do you mean 2015 was 8 years ago what do you mean#also does not help i get so distracted with my own fic like legs twiddling thinking of my yuu that no one will see with his dorm and their#lore that i need to write down but then i get distracted trying to draw my characters and oh dear where did time go#im normal about my characters (fake) but everyone probably has that one oc they have like a story kit on the ready to drop on friends#another genshin rant but i got thundering pulse!! so far no weapon banner loss- 1 lost 50/50 but to tighnari so no loss#considering he would be hardest to get on a bows only acc with no guarantee on ever having the boy#i actually barely started the event because i did not feel like getting to inazuma legit. would rather speed run or glitch to inazuma#but now my yoimiya banner is like 20 pity at least but now that’s also a problem because?? i want her c1 actually but need to save stop bad#i also get distracted by fun ideas!! like father figure crewel or a reader that is like his unofficial assistant please let me brainrot for#the class. so reader is not in a club unlike grim who canonically is one but in this fic reader is crewels unofficial student assistant and#helps him at his club bc iirc he’s the science club advisor and they spend time after school grading exam papers with#him and he has cookies and talks to you for hours and you can come early to clean the classroom and can just rant about the boys or rmshckle#he basically is the one you go to because crowley will not do anything!!#in my universe (ehe) my yuu and his dormmate crewels nephew have a uniform designed by nephew+crewel so id like to think in this brainrot#that crewel gifted you a uniform he designed. also ALSO!! he makes sure you eat#and that you are not bullied. he also took it upon himself to give you challenging material so he can prepare you to live within a foreign#environment. considering how you are almost not guaranteed to do so well on your own so he teaches you things not school related like basic#sew life skills or tidbits he knows from being an adult that’s all#questions of styx.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I dont know why youve leapt to assuming this post was about the workplace? the original post mentioned friends, family, and going out for drinks, and it feels a bit like a bad faith read to assume this meant for you to try to talk about weird niche TV show interests to your boss, when it seems far more likely to be a post about not letting cringe culture rule your entire life, in a time when its so common for ppl to let themselves become beholden to tiktok microtrends, and being terrified that theyll lose all their friends if anyone finds out they enjoy steven universe.
It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.
#reblog#this feels like it was a personal post by the OP who has realized that stifling every interest and thing that they like to constantly#manage how they are percieved and avoid doing anything cringey or weird is uh fucking exhausting and terrible for your mental health#that has spread quite far past containment#and is now being entirely misread as reveal every weird little thing about yourself At Work.#maybe i simply dont know any better tho cos ive so far worked in warehouse grunt jobs with a bunch of other weird unhinged little freaks#im fairly certain that entire second shift had adhd or something similar enough lmao#i have weird colored hair i even went in a couple times with it styled into sort of a bihawk. i wore a shirt covered in furbies. i carry#a purse shaped like a trilobite. so far the most challenging thing for my coworkers seemed to be the fact that i continue to diligently#wear an n95 cos i dont want to get sick. i wasnt telling my coworkers about my depraved oc lore...but id talk about the newest season of#stranger things with them since i watched it. i talked about cats and fish. i talked about atla. i told a couple of them that i wanted to#learn how to walk on stilts. it was fine. yes youre going to have to do some amount of managing how your percieved. but if you let that#take priority over every aspect of your life youll go insane#and there are people who have let their fear of being judged take over every single aspect of their life#and they do genuinely need to hear that its okay to wear a cringey band Tshirt or whatever#also: i hope porfessionalism standards continue to get more lax. death to professionalism. i just got a job offer wearing a tacky print#short sleeve button down covered in sharks with a vampire squid necklace and jeans with a faded blue fauxhawk. this needs to be possible in#more workplaces and its stupid that it isnt. even if you are not expressing your true self at work for your own safety. you should at least#recognize that these standards are absurd and arbitrary. and if a coworker is brave enough to reveal a tiny bit of their authenticity to u#i think it would be kind to give them the space for that. even if its not your weird.#that said. in these warehouses there were also people who were unhinged in the bad way. the 'blasting alex jones at work' way.#and i was fairly cold to these people. i did my best to be purely professional with them and not express interest in getting to know them.#and i didnt love that the guy who thought stop signs = communism (derogatory from him) was also driving a forklift around#but to his credit he did at least obey the stop signs. so.#this job thats accepted me with the tacky fish shirt and blue hair doesnt pay super well and seems like its going to be a bit chaotic. but#we'll see. and if it doesnt work there i can always go back to that first warehouse job unfortunately. cos im pretty sure they wouldve let#me get away with so so so much
83K notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tag talk#I went in blind to Outer Wilds a few months back and couldn't figure out what I was doing#but I started a lore explained video about it and got halfway through before deciding I should give it another shot#spoilers make it so much easier to get into a piece of media. I just hate not knowing how things go#and I'll stop partway through spoilers once I decide I know enough. so I'm not spoiling completely everything#but like.. several movies I've only watched after the Wikipedia article seemed interesting.#with games it's more that I need to see someone else play it so I know how to approach.#I can't work with a blank canvas. I need to see someone else do it first.#it's like me and art. I can't do purely generative stuff. I'm good with editing images and coloring already drawn art#writing poetry about things I've already felt. singing songs someone else composed#and playing games once I've seen someone else play it first.#I need a template to work from. I need a guide to go back to it I need.#I can depart from it when I'm comfortable. I can change things to be more my own style.#but I can't start from nothing. I have a hard time going into games blind because I just don't know what I'm doing at all#so spoilers are cool#and they never detract from my overall experience.#I'll avoid spoilers if I deliberately seek out the new experience. once I know I'll like something.#but I can't go in totally blind. I hate it too much.#so anyway I'm playing outer wilds again and I'm enjoying it way more this time
1 note
·
View note
Text
I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)
(long dump in the tags and under the cut)
The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.
Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.
Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.
She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.
She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona
#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design#especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design#but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it#ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply.#she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her#this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down#for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say#is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them.#you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“#the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional#we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply#so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship#despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others#but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again#and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us#but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it#out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating#we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them#they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group#but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie.#we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave#like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened#i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh#i am she and she is me#rambling#dragon character#character writing#character building#dragon oc
1 note
·
View note
Text
losing my mind a little
#sometimes hearing other people's opinions of your fav stuff is wonderful#sometimes you want to bash your head into a wall and cry#i wish i wasn't so easily influenced by other people's opinions y'know?#like my brain just sees it and immediately says whatever i think is wrong#its so fucking annoying#im one of those people that just obsesses over one simple thing#im not a 'learn everything i possibly can about it' person#when im fixated on smth that doesn't mean i want to know everything about it#but i end up feeling like shit because most fandom people i have seen are like that#i just enjoy things that fuel my overactive imagination!#anything that provides daydreams is my favourite!#but i just can't commit to something as much#it's so weird bc irl i feel like im the one who's too much#but in fandom spaces i feel like im not enough#i don't have particularly strong opinions about anything#i feel like im too apathetic for fandoms but too invested for it to be considered a casual interest#where are my people who love writing fics and making aus but don't give a shit about canon accuracy and extended lore??#i think i just need to stop looking at the latest posts in tags#ive been on a mission to filter myself less and yet im always catching myself#double checking what everyone else thinks so i don't say anything different#i hate my dumbass brain lmao#it's like im a fish out of water everywhere#so many people ive heard suck ass at real life#but flourish on the internet#because they're surrounded with others like them#but no matter where i go i still feel wrong?#when i was younger i cared way less about appearing normal#i was fucking weird and proud of it#maybe a little too proud#but idk what the fuck happened
1 note
·
View note
Text
My ass is not beating the predictable allegations (is still thinking abt oni at 4 am)
#rat rambles#I have to go places tomorrow help#anyways this is probably just a brief buzz of reading smth fun. probably.#ok ok its kind of a choice Im having to make cause like I could just like step back but I could also step in#and while by all means I should step back and probably will I am oh so tempted to step in#who would stop me from just completely reworking the lore and making shit up there is no oni fandom#I could do whatever I want I could make the dupes characters too I could make dupe ocs and no one could stop me#but also should I let myself fixate on smth that absolutely no one gives a shit abt character wise? absolutely not Im already on thin ice#theres like two ppl here who give a single shit abt even one of the things Im into I do not need to isolate them too gmfkdjd#this is a joke btw I dont give a shit abt what my followers want from me lol#I just also don't know if Im willing to make such a commitment to smth that I ultimately can only get so deep into due to the nature of it#most of the named characters are long dead and their remains arent characters theyre just goofy goobers#its such a fun looking playground but I worry Id get bored too fast if I dont click with the rest of the cast#like the scientists are great and all but idk if I have it in me to be a jeamhead or whatever#also I was abt to say legally I cant like otto but theyre nonbinary god damnit#damn klei and their canonically nonbinary characters#diversity win! the shady morally ambiguous at best for profit company exploits nonbinary ppl too
0 notes