#i need to remind myself that too sometimes

[sturniololuv08]

TreeHouse Chapter 11

"Matty wants to see you in his room."

Summary: Matt gets angry.

"Anger is like hot blood rushing through your veins."

⚠️This Fic Series will NOT be for people with triggers. This Fic Series will have very descriptive moments of abuse.⚠️

Please Read At Your Own Risk.

Chris' POV:

She said she wouldn't let it go; honestly, I didn't want her to. But I knew the things she didn't. I knew if Matt found out I even talked to her, I would probably die. I thought about death often. Not in the sense I wanted to die necessarily but more so in the sense if it happened, I wouldn't be surprised anymore. I decided to walk home instead of taking the bus to help avoid Sienna—my Nessie.

I remember everything about her now. I accidentally trauma-blocked her. Leaving her behind, not knowing I wasn't going to see her for years, was the worst thing to ever happen to me. Worse than any beating I have ever taken. I remember that evening clearly. We got home, and Mom was livid that Father allowed me to go over there. She punished me by hitting me with the kitchen broom over and over. I begged our dad to help me, but I think that was his breaking point. He stopped being my father that day.

Since then, everyone in the house has treated me this way. I was alone. I lost everything. I held onto Nessie for a while. I imagined us playing together in the treehouse often. Sometimes, when Matt would use me as his personal punching bag, I would picture her doe eyes lighting up when I did something silly. She was my anchor until I forgot her. No matter how hard I try, I can't pinpoint the exact moment I forgot; I just did.

I was coming up to her house. I walked a little slower, secretly hoping she would see me and stop me. It's not that I didn't want to talk to her or be friends again. I didn't want the assaults that I knew would come with her friendship.

"Chris!" I looked up and saw her walking to the gate. I felt a sense of relief. "Can we talk?" She asked. I knew I didn't have much time to talk, but I wanted to. I needed to hear her voice.

"Not long, okay?" I just needed to be home at a decent time so no one got suspicious of my absence. She opened the gate, and I passed through. I followed her to the treehouse. For some reason, coming here during the day felt different. It felt heavier. She climbed up without issues. I tried my best not to show the pain in my arm, but I still winced enough for her to notice.

"What happened to your arm?"

"We can talk, but not about that." I was stern. She had to know not to press the issue.

"Okay." Her voice was soft and a little broken. I looked around the treehouse. Nothing had changed.

"It looks the exact same," I told her.

"I haven't been in here in years." She was also looking around like it was brand new.

"Why?" I asked.

"You left, and it just reminded me of you too much." I felt my words lumping in my throat. I wanted to tell her everything. I needed her to know it wasn't my choice to leave her behind. I never would have. But I couldn't. If this was still the same kind-hearted, strong-willed Nessie, I knew she would try to help, and it would just make it worse. I avoided looking at her.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. I could feel her eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look up at her.

"Are you guys brothers?" She asked again. I felt the lump in my throat dissipate into tears. I needed to leave.

"I have to get home." I lied. Nothing pleased me more than not being at home.

"Chris, you can tell me." She reached for me and grabbed my hand, which made my skin crawl. I lurched away from the unwanted contact. She looked hurt.

"I have to get home," I said, starting to climb down. She followed me, as I expected.

"Chris, what happened to you?" She pleaded for an answer I couldn't give her no matter how badly I wanted to. I kept walking. Eventually, I heard her footsteps stop following behind me. I didn't dare look back at her. I felt like I already knew what she looked like. I made it to our house. On the outside, it was well-kept and looked nice. You'd never guess the hell that happened inside of it.

"What took you so long to get home?" Mother was right by the door in seconds.

"I wal -" She smacked my face. I looked down at the floor.

"I didn't say you could talk." Her threat didn't make sense since she asked me a question. I nodded, still not looking up. Part of me didn't like looking at her face. She was my mother, but her disdain for my presence distorted how she looked at me. I wanted to envision a mother who loved and cared for me just like Matt and Nick. She smacked the side of my head again for nothing. "Matty wants to see you in his room." Her words made my blood cold. I felt a jolt of fear sting through my body. I lifted my head to look at her now. "Fucking go." She pushed me towards the hallway leading to their rooms and my old one. I sulked slowly, knowing nothing about this was going to end well. I stood outside his bedroom door shaking. My whole body already felt light, and my head was full of air, ready to pop. I knocked, knowing I had no choice but to.

"Get in here." Nothing about his tone was calm. I could tell he was already mad about something. I stepped into the room. "Shut the fucking door." He was standing in the middle of his room with his arms folded. I quietly shut the door. I noticed Nick's absence, which meant this would be very personal. "Drop your bag." I knew I had to do everything I was told to do because if I didn't, then I would just get punished by Mom. I dropped the bag on the floor with a thud. "Why were you talking to Si today?" I was going to die. My eyes widened, realizing he had seen her chasing me around at some point.

"She talked to me." I tried to explain.

"Why the fuck did you talk to Sienna?" Matt's voice boomed, and I whimpered at the sudden volume change. I knew it didn't matter what I said. He wouldn't care.

"I used to know her," I told the truth.

"Well, you don't fucking know her anymore." He walked up to me and slammed my back against his door. "Got it?" Before I could respond, he grabbed my uncut, shaggy hair and started slamming my hand back into the wooden frame. "I asked you a question." He hissed.

"Yes, Matt. I won't -" He threw me to the ground. I turned over to see him walking over to me. He reared his foot back and kicked me right in the stomach. I curled up. This was it. He kicked me again and again. I felt the sole of his shoes kissing my blood vessels until they popped, creating purple splotches.

"Sienna is fucking my girl." He was carelessly aiming his kick but ensured his white shoes made contact with my body. I started coughing and groaning from the fire rising inside me. "If I see you talk to her again -" He kicked my mouth. My head lurched back from the decisive blow. I felt warm liquid start oozing. "I will fucking kill you." He screamed. I'm sure everyone in the house heard him. I knew it would be the worst whenever Nick wasn't involved with Matt's special attention towards me. He kicked my face again, and I felt the blood splatter like a flicked paintbrush. He kept going, stomping on me every once in a while when he felt like really putting the pain on me. I was feeling sick to my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up from the immense pain. "I better not see you talk to her ever again." Matt gave me one last kick to the face. He left his room to go somewhere. I lay on the floor with my tiny blood pool and splatters. His blood stained shoes left red foot prints leading out the door.

I wanted to cry, but no tears came out. I couldn't breathe, and for the first time since ever being treated this way, I wanted to die. I lay in his room, uncomfortable, fearing his return. The door opened, and I couldn't even move to look and see who it was. I was picked up and dragged down the hall with my feet sliding against the floor. I was tossed in the tub with all my clothes still on. The water was turned on, and I was left alone. I felt something bubbling inside me, and I let it out of my mouth. The bile burned coming up. There were red blood streaks mixed in. The water imediately started washing it away. As soon as I felt myself catching my breath, my eyes became too heavy to keep open.

A/N I promise everything happening is for a reason lmaooo

TreeHouse Taglist:

@trevorsgodmother @mintsturniolo @wysmols @chriss-slutt @middlepartmatt @blushsturns @shadowtheism @fratbrochrisgf @loveparqdise @courta13 @sturniolo-fann @verstarkey @chrissweetheart @bluetalia @sturns-mermaid @wattttttttno @sturnioloshottiekay @pair-of-pantaloons @sophia-77n @adoremattsturns

This fic is TAGLIST SPECIFIC, meaning in order to be tagged in this, you HAVE to be on the list. I'm doing this because of TRIGGERS.

REBLOG INSTRUCTIONS: I don't mind just please stress the trigger warnings so no backlash comes back to me!

New Info: to be removed from the taglist just DM me.

[jazzy96scorpio]

A Night to Remember

Description: An unexpected encounter at a your parents party leads to an intense and passionate affair between You and an older man *Lucien Flores. ONE SHOT

⚠️ Warning ⚠️: adult readers only, oral sex(male receiving), unprotected sex, sex, dirty talk, creampie, SMUT

Pairing: You (Reader) / Lucien Flores

The air in the living room buzzed with the cheerful chatter of your parents' friends, a vibrant contrast to the desolate ache in your chest. You had just graduated from college, a momentous occasion that should have been filled with joy, but the recent breakup with Liam cast a long shadow over your triumph.

Your mom, ever the observant one, noticed the storm brewing in your eyes the moment you walked in. "Honey," she said, her voice soft, "you're here. That's all that matters." She pulled you into a warm hug, you needed that so much.

You missed your parents, their warmth, their comforting presence. You needed a moment to breathe, to process the whirlwind of emotions swirling within you. "I think I'll step out to the garden," you announced, a slight tremor in your voice. "I need a little peace."

Your parents, understanding as always, nodded. "Of course, sweetheart. Take your time."

You retreated to the garden, the bottle of wine clutched in your hand, a silent companion in your solitude. The air was cool and fragrant with the scent of blooming flowers. You found a secluded spot beneath the old oak tree, its branches offering a dappled shade.

As you sipped the wine, the sounds of the party faded into the background. You closed your eyes, allowing the gentle breeze to caress your face.

You weren't as heartbroken as you thought you would be. Instead, a quiet anger simmered within you, directed not at Liam, but at yourself. You felt a familiar pang of self-criticism, a nagging voice whispering doubts in your ear.

* "Why did I let things go on for so long?"

* "Why didn't I listen to my gut feeling sooner?"

* "Why did I settle for less than I deserved?"

The wine, initially a comfort, now felt like a bitter reminder of wasted time and misplaced hopes. You took a long, frustrated sip, the cool liquid doing little to soothe the simmering resentment.

The voice startled you, breaking through your brooding thoughts. "Isn't that bottle a bit much for a young girl like you?"

You looked up to see Lucien Flores, one of your parents' friends, standing a few feet away. You hadn't seen him in years, maybe since you were a teenager. He looked a little older now, his hair streaked with silver, but his eyes still held the same twinkle of amusement you remembered.

You felt a blush creeping up your neck. "Oh, hello Mr. Flores," you stammered, feeling a sudden surge of awkwardness. "It's just... I needed a little something to unwind after graduation."

Mr. Flores chuckled, a warm, rumbling sound. "Understandable. Graduation is a big deal. But you know, sometimes a good walk in the garden can do wonders for the soul." He gestured towards the moon, now peeking through the branches of the oak tree. "The night is beautiful. Come, I'll join you."

As you walked, you continued to sip the wine, lost in your thoughts. Lucien, noticing your distracted air, gently inquired, "Something on your mind, dear?"

You hesitated, then confessed, "I recently broke up with my boyfriend."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Lucien said sympathetically. "Don't be too sad."

"I'm not sad," you admitted, "more... angry with myself. He said I was too cold, that I didn't give him enough attention. And honestly, I think he was right. I tend to... shut down sometimes. And I think he was just a boy. It's not the first time I've made a wrong choice in a relationship."

"Yeah," Lucien said, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow. "You need a real man to love you, someone who can appreciate your fire and your independence."

"Cheers to that," you said with a wry smile. "Hopefully, I'll find one."

Curious about his own romantic history, you asked, "What about you, Mr. Flores? Did you ever find love?" You handed him a bottle, he took a sip.

He paused, a wistful look in his eyes. "Never truly, no. Not the kind that makes your soul sing, anyway."

"I hope so you found your true love," you said, a genuine warmth in your voice.

Lucien smiled gently. "Thank you, dear." He then returned to your earlier comment. "You mentioned making wrong choices before. Was there another...?"

You hesitated, then confessed, "I was involved with my professor in college. He was older, and I was completely smitten. But he lied to me. He was married."

Lucien nodded thoughtfully. "Ah, older men can be... trickier. More experienced, yes, but sometimes harder to love."

"You're right," you agreed.

He seemed intrigued by your confession. "Do you...do you like older men?"

You shrugged, a mischievous glint in your eye. "I suppose I do. There's a certain... maturity I find appealing."

You leaned closer, your voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "And you, Mr. Flores, you look very sexy in that shirt." You gently touched his necklace, a golden chain with a simple pendant. "I like this too."

Lucien's eyes widened slightly. "Is that the wine speaking, or do you truly mean it?"

"I'm still quite sober," you assured him, a playful smile playing on your lips.

Lucien's smile deepened, and he met your gaze. "I believe you."

"You look quite lovely in that dress yourself," Lucien remarked, his gaze lingering on you.

A playful spark ignited between you. Leaning closer, you whispered, "I'd let you fuck me."

Lucien's eyes widened slightly, a slow smile spreading across his face. "I think I might want that too," he murmured back.

Just as the air crackled with unspoken possibilities, your mother's voice cut through the moment. "Lucien, darling! Come join us for dinner!"

As you entered the dining room, Lucien subtly guided you towards a seat beside him. He looked at you with an intensity that made your breath catch. Lust, raw and undeniable, simmered in his gaze, and you knew with a certainty that bordered on terror that he wanted you.

The dinner was a blur of forced conversation and forced smiles. You tried to engage with your parents' friends, to laugh and chat, but your attention kept snapping back to Lucien. He was a master of subtle seduction. Under the guise of casual conversation, his knee brushed against yours, a fleeting touch that sent shivers down your spine. Then, his hand, deceptively light, rested on your thigh, his fingers tracing a slow, deliberate path upwards.

You felt your cheeks burning, your heart hammering against your ribs. You desperately tried to maintain your composure, to appear unaffected, but the heat of his touch was igniting a fire within you. He continued his slow, deliberate exploration, his gaze locked with yours, a silent promise hanging heavy in the air.

Finally, the dinner concluded, a wave of relief washing over you. You were sure your parents had noticed something, but you hoped they would simply chalk it up to the wine.

You told your mom you were going to the backyard, and Lucien followed you.

He cornered you by the wall, his eyes burning with a desire that mirrored your own. His hands cupped your face, his lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss that stole your breath away.

He pulled you closer, his hands roaming over your body, he grabbed your ass so tight and you fucking love it..

You felt the unmistakable hardness of his dick pressed against you, igniting a fire within you.

'Not here,' you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He nodded, his eyes filled with a predatory glint. Taking your hand, he led you towards the summerhouse, a secluded haven at the edge of the garden.

As you stepped inside the house, Lucien pulled you close, his lips moving gently against yours. A low moan escaped your lips as you felt his hand slip beneath your dress, tracing a path up your inner thigh.

Driven by an urgent need, you dropped to your knees, your hands fumbling with the clasp of his belt. He groaned softly, his breath catching in his throat as you freed him.

Taking him fully into your hand, you began to stroke him slowly, your tongue darting out to taste the salty skin. You moved lower, your mouth engulfing him, swirling your tongue around his length, eliciting a series of low growls from him.

The intensity of the moment washed over him leaving him breathless and wanting more.

He told you to stand up. Gently, he slipped your dress off your shoulders, then lowered it to the floor, followed by your panties.

'You look so beautiful, sweetheart,' he murmured, his eyes tracing the curves of your body.

'Hurry up,' you urged, barely able to contain your eagerness.

He lifted you onto the table, his hands strong yet gentle. Slowly, deliberately, he entered you, his movements deliberate and controlled. Then he continued more with passion and need to be deeper inside you. His kisses trailed down your neck, eliciting shivers. You clung to his shoulders, breathless.

'Fuck, you feel so good,' you whispered, your voice hoarse. 'So big.'

He groaned, his movements intensifying. 'Oh fuck, this is the best pussy I've ever had,' he growled, his words muffled against your skin.

As he reached his peak, you tightened around him, urging him on.

'Cum inside me,' you whispered, 'I'm on the pill.'

He cumms deep inside you, a wave of pleasure washing over both of you. You lay spent, gasping for breath.

'Best sex I've ever had,' you whispered, breathlessly.

He smiled, his eyes filled with a lingering intensity. 'Yes, baby, this was fucking amazing. I'm gonna need you again."

As you began to dress, he asked for your phone number. 'I'd love to see you again,' he said. 'Dinner?'

You readily agreed, unable to resist the pull of his charm. You leaned in and kissed him one more time, a lingering, sweet kiss that left you breathless.

Later, on the balcony, you offered him a cigarette. He laughed, a low, rumbling sound that sent shivers down your spine. 'It looks like I may have found my true love tonight,' he said, his eyes twinkling.

Your heart melted. You knew, with a certainty that surprised even you, that you had fallen for him.

The rest, as they say, is left to the imagination.

Comment if you want continuation of this story.

Thanks you for the reading ❣️

[everlastingday]

one thing i love about the show is how it shows unconditional love, especially when it comes to parents/children. it's aspirational, heartwarming, and it's good escapism.

BUT i just want to put a gentle and loving reminder for anyone who needs it that it is, at the end of the day, fictional. i come from a more traditional/conservative culture, and in that respect, i see a lot of myself in both carlos and marjan. that need to earn the respect of your parents/family, to gain their approval, to never want to go against your elders, is so deeply ingrained into me.

so on one hand, i love seeing these characters work through these struggles on screen - marjan in this last episode, and carlos throughout seasons 2-4. i love seeing them opening up, standing their ground, and becoming more vulnerable with these authoritative figures in their lives. i love seeing their courage to open up be rewarded with complete acceptance, love, and respect.

but sometimes, i do have to remind myself that this just isn't the reality for a lot of people, including myself. we can open up all we want and still never get the responses that we want from our parents. and i don't mean to say this in a discouraging or condescending way (and i apologize if it comes across that way), but more just to reiterate that if you don't get your parents' approval and recognition, that is okay too.

i think it's natural to want it, and it's okay to want it, but you do not need it. just know that if your real life does not play out the way these fictional stories do, it doesn't mean you've failed, or that you could've done something differently to get a different result. it just means that these are fictional stories, and yours is real.

all that to say, if you are someone who has not been able to receive validation from the people you need it most from in your life, i see you, and you are not alone.

[thedandelionresistance]

I hope this is not derailing, but this is also the exact same shit happening in the disability and plural communities right now as well. The idea that if you don't have a "physical condtion" that you're "able-bodied" and therefore have privilege and are basically an oppressor (when physical symptoms of "mental" conditions are not only common but sometimes part of the diagnostic criteria and vice versa, and mental conditions are just the consciousness-altering symptoms of a neurological condition), and likewise that if you're physically sick you have easy access to care in a way that people with 'mental' illnesses don't. The idea that mental illnesses and neurodisabilities can never be as disabling or affect literal physical access or be as dangerous as physical conditions, while also focusing on mobility disabilities to the exclusion of basically all other physically disabling conditions. Claiming strangers are more privileged than you despite their actual lives contradicting it, claiming universal or general community experiences are exclusive to only one part of the community, using "do not derail" to mean "people who are both physically disabled and neurodisabled we will not believe you in the same way doctors and ables society don't believe all of us".

Same with sys//course, exclusion because of system origin, exclusion because of disordered status.

We've experience more neuroableism and sanism and endomisia online as a traumaendo system, but admittedly we are aware of huge amounts of corpoableism in the disabled community (often more from gatekeepers and exclusionists), and have experienced a lot of plurableism specifically at the hands of sys//meds and anti-e//ndos.

And there's always excuses, ranging from "but I didn't experience this ableism/level or type of disability with my shared neurodiagnosis so you must be lying" to "well technically if you're physically disabled in any way we'll say you count but we'll still harass you off the internet if you claim to be physically disabled from a condition we don't believe that can happen with or significantly affect your life from" to "well because ableists choose to be shitty and bigoted about plurality that's the fault of endogenic nondisordered systems actually" to "well men benefit from patriarchy so trans men do too".

It's exhausting, and those of us in both of the communities/subgroups the discourse centers around and splits into a binary always are left the most vulnerable and the most harmed by it.

I try to avoid conspirational thinking especially because of our schizophrenia but damn sometimes it's hard not to feel like this is a genuine actual psyop meant to divide us and make us blame each other. I keep reminding myself that people who like to deepthroat boot exist in every community and tend to be the type that think "being loud all the time wins arguments" and aren't the majority.

But DAMN do we need to come together as communities of marginalized people and present a united front (yeah, even with people we can't stand as a person, as long as they're not actively backstabbing people), now more than ever.

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.

[phiphieee]

nico blurb (childhood bestie pt.3)

disclaimer english is not my first language !!! also someone asked me to make a masterlist but i have no idea how to do that lol

I snort "what?"

Nico chuckles as he pats his lap again.

"What are you, deaf? I said, sit."

"On you?"

"Yes, on my lap." Nico responds, rolling his eyes playfully.

"and why would i do that ?" i say narrowing my eyes at him

Nico sighs and reaches up, grabbing your wrist and guiding you to his lap. I huff "nico what are you doing?"

Nico smirks as you sit down and he wraps his arms around your waist.

"Sitting, obviously."

"darling you have press you need to go"

"I know, but let me enjoy my time with you first."

Nico says and he rests his chin on your shoulder as he holds you close to him.

I sigh running my hands through his hair "it’s unfair you still look good like this "

Nico chuckles as his eyes fall shut, a little smile on his face as you run your hands through his hair, his arms wrap a little tighter around you.

"Like what? All messy?"

"yeah like after a fucking f1 race "I tilt his face so he’s looking at me " I look worse than you probably "

Nico looks at you, a little smile still on his face as you pout. He lets out a groan as you see him try not to laugh.

"You do not look bad, shut up. You're still gorgeous."

Nico says and he grabs a little piece of your hair, playing with it absentmindedly.

"nico" I giggle "you’re gonna be late for press "

Nico sighs.

"I know! Ugh, why did you have to remind me."

He groans and rests his head on your shoulder again, nuzzling his face against your neck.

" Because I’m obviously the brains in this friendship " I say rubbing his back softly

"Wow thanks for the compliment, babe" Nico rolls his eyes sarcastically and sighs.

He hums softly as you trace down his back, he closes his eyes and he relaxes a little under your touch.

"nico come on"

Nico groans softly and he buries his face in your neck for a moment before eventually pulling away from you, pouting as he does.

"I don’t wanna go."

 "tu veux que je vienne avec toi? " I say matching his pout

"Vraiment?"

Nico asks, raising a brow as a smile comes back to his face. He loved it when you spoke more French with him, and it made press more bearable.

"Mais, I'm staying behind the camera"

"That's fine, I'd still love to have you there anyways."

Nico says and he squeezes your waist for a moment, smiling to himself.

"Tu es la meilleure."

Nico says and he presses a little kiss to your neck, just under your ear.

"je sais " I say detangling myself from him and standing up from his lap "come on big guy, before your entire pr team hates me "

"You're too cocky sometimes."

Nico rolls his eyes again and stands up as well, stretching for a moment before he looks at you.

"They already hate you, I make sure of that."

He says sarcastically and chuckles, reaching for your hand.

I flip him off swatting his hand "you’re mean " I say grabbing his jacket because I don’t have one

Nico chuckles as you flip him off, he rolls his eyes playfully again.

"No, I'm not. You're just sensitive."

He goes to object, but then sees you stealing his jacket and he smiles to himself. Then rolls his eyes, knowing he's not gonna ask for it back no matter how cold he gets.

"Whatever, take my coat, it looks better on you anyways."

I grin pecking his cheek "merci"

Nico smiles at the little peck, his face slightly heating up. Even after knowing each other since you two were kids, he still gets flustered by the small gestures.

"De rien, chérie. Maintenant, allons-y, je suis déjà en retard."

Nico says as he slings an arm over your shoulder, starting to walk towards the door.

[fiction-podcast-lover]

This is your friendly reminder that Cecil is in fact, NOT a reliable narrator.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

personal happiness or what the fuck ever

bonus:

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Me when I see someone rambling negatively about a character I wrote, or making incorrect assumptions about them based on their behavior

Me when I remember they haven’t read the 100 pages of backstory on said character, watched the nonstop footage of said character’s life in my head, and are going entirely based off little crumbs I’ve shared and don’t understand the meaning of unreliable narrators

Me when I remember it’s ok to be at peace with people not liking a character I wrote, whether it’s because more hasn’t been revealed about them yet or because of their personality - because that’s how real life works too, people like some folks and don’t like others, and it means that maybe I wrote a three dimensional character

(Shoutout to @/linkeduniverse for the images)

[sleepytoycollection]

I'm not really sure how I'd go about such a thing, but I've thought about it for a while if we had a like, a collector challenge month where you can only post photos of things already in your collection.

Not necessarily that you can't buy anything new, but you can't post about it until the month is over. New customs are allowed if they're made of parts you already own.

Just as like, a way to show appreciation to the things you already have and love. And maybe a little to curb impulse buying/that FOMO instinct of needing to be the first one to have the thing so you can show it off immediately to everyone. (I've been guilty of this at times myself.)

I dunno how much interest there'd be in that on a broad scale, but maybe I'll do it as a solo challenge.

Maybe could do one of those prompt charts too? Post your favorite/your weirdest/one you've had the longest/ect

[dreaming-moondragon]

Reminder, if you are butch/masc, it doesn't mean that you are not allowed to be soft and sensitive. Just because some people see it as a weakness. Its not! Be soft! Be sensitive! Be empathic! There is so much strength in that!

[brown-little-robin]

it went fine yesterday btw :}

[soup-is-here]

Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[lale-txt]

it's been over a week but i legit haven't stopped thinking about this

[what-have-i-unleashed]

don't know if i said this before but i wish there are more stories where the characters are fwb and stay as fwb. not everyone needs to have romantic chemistry btw.

[bellacatt-art]

I fear that if I was aboard Red Dwarf in Series 3-5, I'd never get anything done, I'd just be staring at Holly like this: