#i need to remind myself that too sometimes

[thedivinetarot]

Closer to you than your breathe

Channeled message from them

☆ How to chose your pile?

Take a deep breath, clear your mind. Focus your intentions on receiving the message from this reading. And close your eyes, ask the question in your head " what is the message I'm meant to receive from them?" And open your eyes. The pic youa re drown to the most isnyour pile.

☆ Who is this reading from?

You can apply this reading on any person but I did it for your future spouse or future partner. Also, there will be non-explicit part and explicit part so if you are under 18 do not continue to the explicit part.

☆ Note:

I started doing paid readings so if you are interested here's my Masterlist which is currently open. Feel free to DM if you want a paid reading.

Lots of love

Arya❤

Pile 1 - Letter one

My Dearest Love

I’ve waited so long to find you, and now that you’re here, my world feels balanced and whole. You are the Queen of my heart—grounded, nurturing, and endlessly generous. With you, love is not a fleeting feeling but a steady exchange of care and understanding. I cherish the way you give so freely, yet remain true to yourself. I know we’ve both had moments of doubt, times when the weight of the world felt too heavy, or when we questioned if we’d ever find this connection. But I want you to know that you are my clarity, my choice—just as I hope I am yours. There’s no confusion in my heart when it comes to you. I’ve left behind illusions and embraced the simple truth: we are meant to be. Our love feels like destiny—two cups pouring into each other, endlessly full. With you, I see a home, a foundation built on joy and celebration, not just with each other but with the life we’ll create together. I dream of the family gatherings, the warmth of shared memories, and the way your presence feels like home no matter where we are. But love isn’t always light and easy, and I know there will be burdens to share and moments when we’ll need to lean on each other. I promise to carry those loads with you, to walk beside you, step by steady step, as we build a life we can be proud of. I’ll be your Knight, slow but steady, working tirelessly to give us the stability we both deserve. Sometimes, I feel the echoes of the past—familiar memories that remind me of what love can be. You feel like a wish come true, like someone I’ve known before, a soul I’ve loved in another time. I see so much potential in us, as if fate herself worked her magic to bring us together. You inspire me to believe in the impossible, to dream of all we can achieve together. With you, I am not just the person I am, but the person I aspire to become. You are my muse, my strength, my love. I can’t wait to grow with you, to nurture our love like the strong and enduring tree it’s meant to be. You are my moon, my light in the darkness, my guiding star. Together, we’ll create a love that’s as deep as the roots of the earth and as limitless as the sky.

Forever yours,

Your person

.

MDNI +18

My Beloved

From the moment we met, there was no question in my mind that you were the one. I feel the pull of your energy, your warmth, and the way you touch me—not just physically, but deep within my soul. You are everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and more than I ever expected. With you, love is not just an exchange of words or glances; it’s a delicate dance, an endless giving and receiving. You, my Queen, have a way of grounding me, of making me feel like I am both powerful and tender, all at once. In your arms, I find comfort and the freedom to be myself—completely and unapologetically. I crave the way your body fits against mine, how it feels to be lost in the rhythm of us, in that space where we both melt into one. There were times I wondered if I would ever find this kind of love, the kind that fills every part of me and leaves me wanting more. But the moment I laid eyes on you, every doubt faded away. You are no longer just a possibility, you are my reality. My heart has chosen you, and now, I only have eyes for you. The moments we share together are more than just memories; they are the foundation of a passion that burns bright, that fuels our connection. When I look at you, I see everything I’ve ever wanted. I want to explore every inch of you, learn the taste of your skin, the sound of your breath when you’re lost in pleasure, the way you moan my name in the quiet moments between us. We have something rare and deep, something that feels like it’s been written in the stars. When you touch me, when our lips meet, it’s as if time itself stands still. I feel you in every part of me—inside, outside, heart, and soul. I know the road ahead won’t always be smooth, but I am ready to carry you through it, to take on every burden, every challenge with you by my side. I’ll never let go of this love, of this connection we have. I’ll cherish you, adore you, and make you feel like the most desired person in the world. You are my magic, my everything. I want to give you a life of passion, of intimacy, of everything you’ve ever craved. And with you, I’ll always find my way back home, to your arms, where I am truly alive.

Forever yours,

Your Future Lover

Pile 2 - Letter 2

( With the cards I picked, it seems like this pile’s spouse has experienced some tough moments and inner struggles. There's a sense of uncertainty, heartbreak, and perhaps confusion, but also a desire for healing and balance. Their future spouse may want to reassure them of a love that helps them find peace, security, and emotional fulfillment despite these challenges).

My Dearest

I know you’ve been through much, and my heart aches when I think of the burdens you’ve carried alone. The weight of your past and the struggles you’ve faced are not unnoticed, and I see the wounds that have shaped you. You have endured, and that strength, though hidden beneath your pain, shines through in ways that I admire deeply. There’s a deep sadness in me, knowing that there have been times when you felt abandoned or lost. But I want you to know—none of that will remain when we are together. I will be the one who holds you, who sees through the fog and the fear that clouds your heart. In me, you will find a refuge, a sanctuary where you can lay down your burdens and let go of the sorrow that lingers. The path we walk may not always be easy, but I will guide you, patiently, through the darkest of times. I’ll be the steady presence, the one who lifts you when the weight of the world feels unbearable. Together, we will heal from what has hurt us. Together, we will find balance in a world that often feels chaotic. You may have moments of doubt, of confusion, or of wondering if things will ever truly change, but I promise you this: I am here. I see you for who you truly are, not the past, not the fears, but the person capable of immense love and joy. Your wounds do not define you; they are simply part of the journey that will bring us closer, that will help us understand each other on a deeper level. Though I know there may be times when you feel disconnected from the world around you, when loneliness creeps in, remember that I am always with you, even in the silence. We will create a space where trust is restored and where the pain of the past becomes a distant memory, fading with every passing day we share. I’ll be there to calm your restless heart and bring you peace. You are my treasure, the person who completes my life in ways I never knew possible. I will work every day to show you how much I cherish you, how much I desire to build something beautiful with you, despite all that has come before. No matter how long it takes, we will create a life of love, healing, and serenity. I see you. I understand you. And most of all, I am here for you—every part of you, no matter how scarred, no matter how uncertain. Together, we will shine again.

Forever yours,

Your person

MDNI +18

My Dearest

I know you’ve carried so much pain, and my heart aches at the thought of the loneliness you’ve felt. I feel it, the weight of your struggles, the scars that mark you, but let me tell you this: I will be the one to remove those burdens, to kiss away every trace of sorrow from your skin. In my arms, you will find a release like no other—where you can surrender, where the heaviness of the world can fade into nothing. You’ve felt abandoned, lost at times, unsure of whether someone could truly see the real you. But I see you. Every inch of you. I see the raw beauty in your vulnerability, the fire beneath your uncertainty. When you let me in, I’ll show you what it means to be wanted, to be needed, in ways that go beyond the physical. I’ll make you feel desired—not just for your body, but for the depth of your soul. I crave you—your softness, your strength, the way you carry both pain and passion. When we come together, it’s not just about the pleasure. It’s about releasing everything, every thought, every fear. In our connection, I’ll show you what it feels like to be lost in the heat of the moment, where the world outside ceases to exist, and all that matters is the way we fit together. There may be moments when you feel distant, when your heart is clouded with doubt or sadness, but I will always pull you back to me. I’ll take your hand, guide you through those dark moments, and show you how to let go completely. In those moments, I’ll taste your lips, feel the heat of your body against mine, and remind you just how much you are wanted, how much you are adored. Every part of you calls to me, from the way you look at me with those eyes filled with longing, to the way your skin reacts to my touch. You will learn what it means to be worshiped, to be loved in a way that burns, that leaves you breathless, that makes you forget everything except the heat between us. The journey we’ll take together won’t always be easy, but when I’m with you, I’ll make every touch, every kiss, every whisper, something you will never forget. You are everything I’ve ever dreamed of—more than I ever imagined—and I want to take you, every inch of you, body and soul. We will create a world where our connection is all-consuming, where every moment together feels like the first time. I will be here, ready to explore every part of you—your desires, your fantasies, your deepest cravings. Together, we will create a love that goes beyond words, a passion that will never fade.

Forever yours

Your Lover

Pile 3 - Letter 3

This pile seems to have a mix of longing, introspection, and fiery new beginnings. Your future spouse or person likely sees you as someone who has faced emotional challenges but still carries hope and passion for love. The Lenormand cards (ring, birds, and dog) suggest commitment, deep conversations, and loyalty.

My Beloved

I see you—your strength, your resilience, and the fire that burns within you despite the times you’ve been hurt. I know you’ve faced moments where the world seemed to take more than it gave, leaving you wondering if true, lasting love is even possible. But I want you to know, I am here, and with me, you’ll never feel that imbalance again. I will cherish you as you deserve, giving you my all with every moment we share. Your heart, so beautiful and tender, has been bruised before, but it hasn’t broken. That courage, that determination to keep hoping, to keep believing, is what draws me to you. I admire the strength you carry even when you feel uncertain or vulnerable. You don’t need to carry the weight alone anymore—I will be the one who stands beside you, steady and unwavering. When we meet, you’ll feel it—a spark, a passion, an undeniable pull that we can’t resist. You awaken something in me that no one else can. Every touch, every shared glance, will feel like it was meant to be, like we were created to fit perfectly together. I’ll make sure that every moment with me reminds you of how deeply loved and desired you are. Our connection will be unlike anything you’ve known—loyal, passionate, and endlessly fulfilling. We’ll share conversations that stretch into the night, where words flow as naturally as our hearts beat for one another. I’ll be your closest companion, your unwavering support, and the one who always chooses you, no matter what life brings. I promise to build a life with you that is rich in love and overflowing with joy. Together, we’ll create a bond so unshakable that no doubt or fear can touch it. With every kiss, every whispered word, I’ll remind you that you are my everything—the one I’ve waited for, the one I’ll never let go. So, my love, hold on just a little longer. The path may not always be easy, but it’s leading us to each other. When we finally unite, all the longing and waiting will be worth it. You are my wish come true, and I am yours.

Forever yours,

Your person

MDNI +18

My Beloved

There's a fire in you that I can't resist, a strength and passion that calls to me in ways I never known. I see the way life has tested you, how it left its mark on your tender heart, but it hasn’t dimmed your light. Instead, it made you more irresistible. You’ve carried so much alone, but when we are together, I will take that weight from you. I’ll show you what it means to truly let go and surrender to pleasure, to love, to me. When I look at you, I won't be able to hold myself back. I’ll crave the heat of your body, the way your skin responds to my touch, the way you sigh my name when I make you mine. There's an ache in me that only you can satisfy, a desire to explore every inch of you, to uncover all the hidden parts of your soul and your body. Our connection will be unbreakable, raw, and consuming. I’ll take my time with you, savoring every moment, every kiss, every shiver that runs down your spine when I touch you in ways no one else ever will. When I'm with you, the world will disappear, and there will be nothing but us, the rhythm of our bodies moving together, the sound of your moans filling the air, and the way you'll beg for more. You awaken something primal in me, a hunger that only you can sate. I will show you just how much I want you, how deeply I desire not just your heart but your body, your soul, everything that makes you who you are. I'll make you feel cherished and wanted, not just in words but in every action, every passionate moment we share. I’ll kiss away every tear, every doubt, and replace them with sensations that make you forget the past. When I touch you, it will be with purpose to remind you that you are mine, that no one else will ever know you the way I do. And when I take you in my arms, I'll make sure you never feel alone again. You are my deepest desire, my most sinful craving, and my sweetest dream. I'll be your lover, your partner, your everything. Together, we'll create a passion so consuming that it will leave us both breathless, a connection so deep that it will feel like nothing else has ever mattered before us. I am waiting for you, longing for the day I can finally claim you in every way. Until then, know that you are the one I burn for, the one I'll never stop wanting.

Forever yours

Your lover

Pile 4 - Letter 4

My Dearest

I’ve thought so many times about the day we will finally meet, and what I will say when I look into your eyes for the first time. I don’t know how it will feel, but I know it will be electric, like a spark igniting something powerful between us. I want you to know that when I look at you, I will see everything—the beauty of your soul, the depth of your heart, the strength you've hidden away. I see how much you’ve carried on your own, how many burdens you’ve shouldered in silence, and it will make me want to hold you even more. There have been many times when life has felt uncertain, when it seemed like we couldn’t go on. But there’s something about us, something I can’t quite explain, that makes me believe we were always meant to find one another. You and I, we will balance each other out, filling in the gaps that have existed in our lives. The weight of the world won’t feel so heavy when I’m beside you, and I will make sure you never feel alone again. I will cherish every moment with you. I want to take my time with you, to savor every conversation, every touch, every glance. I want to be the one who makes you feel safe and secure, the one who stands by you when life gets tough. I see how much you’ve given to others, how much you’ve sacrificed, and I want to give you everything you deserve in return. I want to show you that love can be steady, that trust can be built, and that when you give yourself to someone, it’s not in vain. There may be moments when we question if we’re ready for what we’re about to experience, but I know deep down that this connection between us is something extraordinary. It won’t always be easy, but we will navigate the storms together, side by side, knowing that what we have is real. When I’m with you, I will make you feel seen, heard, and adored. I crave the day when we can finally be together, when I can hold you in my arms and tell you that you are the one I’ve been waiting for. Until then, know that you are in my heart, that you are the person I am working toward, the one I will never let go of.

Forever yours

Your lover

MDNI +18

My Dearest

From the very first time I lay eyes on you, I will know that you are mine. There will be no hesitation, no doubts. You will awaken a desire in me that I can’t control, a fire that I’ve never known before. When we come together, it will be explosive—the kind of passion that burns everything in its path. I want to take you in my arms and make you feel wanted, desired, cherished in ways no one else ever has. I will trace the lines of your body with my fingertips, savoring every curve, every inch of you. When I kiss you, I won’t just kiss your lips—I’ll kiss your soul. And I’ll make sure that you feel every kiss deep within your bones, as if it’s your very lifeblood. There will be times when you’ll need me to show you how much I want you. I’ll make it clear with every touch, every breath, every word. You’ll feel my hunger for you, and you’ll know that it’s not just physical—it’s spiritual, it’s emotional. You will be the center of my world, the one I can’t stop thinking about. When we’re together, I’ll let go of all the restraints I’ve built around myself. I’ll let go of everything holding me back, and I’ll give myself completely to you. I’ll make you forget everything but the heat between us, the way our bodies move together in perfect harmony. I’ll make you feel things you’ve never felt before, and you’ll beg for more. But it won’t just be about pleasure. I want to take care of you, hold you, protect you in ways you never knew you needed. I’ll show you what it means to truly be loved, to be craved, to be desired—not just for your body but for everything that makes you who you are. I’ll explore your body and your mind, learning everything there is to know about you. And when I touch you, you’ll know it’s not just about the moment—it’s about creating something lasting, something deep and unbreakable. With every touch, every kiss, I’ll make you feel mine in ways no one else can. I am waiting for you. I long for the day we can finally be together, when I can hold you close and claim you completely. Until then, know that you are in my thoughts, in my dreams, and you always will be.

Forever yours

Your future person

Post date: 21st of Dec- 2024 / Sat

* Feedback is appreciated

[cowplant-snacks]

Happy Holidays! 🎁 📝

There seemed to be some interest in the Mod Tracking Spread Sheet I was making for myself, so I made a public version to share!

There are almost 200 mods already added with links and tags, that will hopefully save you some time getting started.

Download link and more info below the cut.

What is it?

It's a Google Sheet that allows you to list, sort, take notes, and store links for all the mods that are added. Ideally, it'll help make updating your game easier. For example, making mine helped me see that I had way too many sitting related mods (are we surprised? no) so, I narrowed them down.

How do I get it?

Click this link (free, no ads) and then select "Make a Copy" under “File”.

How do I use it?

Right click on a row, to add or delete lines as needed. 🚫 ✅

Sorting! Select the upside-down triangle at the top of each column and use the search field. For example you can look at all the mods tagged as fixes, by searching for "Fix" and then clicking on “Select all #”. Youtube might have better explanations on this feature too, FYI. ⁉️⚠️

Tags! These are the preloaded labels that I made for my own tracking, so feel free to change them to suit your own needs (and brain). 🧠 The tags I added are:

See Notes = A reminder to look at any special notes that I've made. Fix = A mod that fixes an EA bug. Get Famous = A mod that's only needed if playing with a famous sim. NEW! = A new to me mods, that if I don't use, I want to remember to delete. Override = A mod that overrides an EA asset and may break during an update. New Interactions = A mod that adds a new interaction to the game. Gameplay = A mod that adds new gameplay to the game. Storytelling = A mod used for storytelling. Lot Trait = A mod that adds a new lot trait. Holiday = A mod that adds a custom Holiday Tradition. Need for Update = A mod that I want to update before updating my game. Why? Because mods break. But also because some mods require setup that may be lost, if removed from the game while waiting for an update, and sometimes I'd rather wait then redo the setup again, etc...

Shout out to @chereindolente for testing my links <3

[positive-mystic]

It's Okay to Feel How You Feel

Hey there,

I just wanted to take a moment to remind you—and myself—that it’s okay not to be okay. Life is messy, overwhelming, and sometimes just plain unfair. And that’s not a reflection of your worth; it’s a part of being human.

If you’re feeling lost, tired, anxious, or just... off, that’s valid. You don’t need to have a grand reason to feel the way you do. Emotions aren’t always logical, and that’s okay too.

Here’s something I try to remember when my brain gets noisy:

Take a breath. Like, a real, deep one. In through your nose for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth for six. Do that a few times.

Check in with yourself. What do you need right now? Rest? Water? A snack? Maybe just a hug from someone safe? You deserve to have your needs met.

Be gentle with yourself. Seriously. You’re doing the best you can, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Small steps are still steps forward.

And if today feels impossible, that’s not forever. Give yourself permission to pause, reach out, or just exist. There’s no right way to cope, and there’s no deadline to feel “better.”

You matter—right now, exactly as you are. If you need someone to tell you that, consider this post a little love letter to your heart. You’re not alone, and you’re not too much.

[thesugarchanotaku]

Let's talk about Octavia

With the newest helluvaboss episode out and season two cming to an end there was a lot of discussion about Octavio even before the epsiode dropped. That's why i decided to look at her a little more in depth. Spoiler ahead (duh)

My realtionship with Octavia is kinda rookie. I love this asexual queen as much as her dad but find myself a little annoyed at her behaviour sometimes. Let's recap what we know about her.

Octavia is a royal teen, deeply loved by her father, troubled by the divorce of her parents and 17 years old. But if we look past the more obvious characteristics there is a lot going on in subtext.

Octavia is oblivious: Octavia grew up quite sheltered and as much as it is understanable (since they tried to assissinate stolas at loo loo land) that she is well protected the problem is that she has little to no clue about the outside world. Much like her father in the recent episode she is seen being scared of the world in seeing stars. She is THAT unaware that she was walking around without a disguise in broad daylight.

Octavia loves her father: So you might ask where the problem is for that point. She sees Stolas as JUST her father. She fails to see Stolas as a person with needs, wants, dreams and wishes. We have to point out that Octavia is never seen with any other people despite her parents (not counting loona in seeing stars).

Octavia lacks comparission: As we grow up we compare. We always do. It helps us to decern right from wrong. The outside world helps us contextualize. Octavia probably never had that. Growing up with mostly her parents she has no other love realtionships to look at and compare. Therefore she might not see Stella as an evil person like we do. For us the audiance it is hard to uderstand why she always puts her mother next to her while talking to Stolas and the broken "family". But forOctavia Stella is an integral part of her life. (As a mother should be) She has no chance to see the behaviour of her mother as toxic and harmful, because that is how her mother ALWAYS was. Its the only thing Via knows. She cant understand why her father was "fine" with the antics of her mother until a certain point and "suddenly" isnt anymore.

Octavia is a child: That point kinda put me at odds a long time. My parents divorced when i was 12 and I could understand the situation better than her. Octavia is nearly an adult. Most children her age don't want to be that close to their parents, they want to be free, start their own live. Octavia doesn't. She clings to memories, to promises her father made to her and she just feel so so SO young. She tries to be that edgy teen but she feels way more like a child. Which isnt exactly back but plays a huge part in her character.

Octavia and Stolas

The relationship of father and daugther hit a fall out and it was important that it happened because both characters need to GROW up.

While Stolas never had the chance to grow into his very own charcater due to the fact that his life was planned out for him, he tried to shelter Via from the same fate by protecting her and sacrificing for her. He did basically the other extreme of what he experienced.

Stolas slowly grows into himself, making decisions for himself and realizes that while having the freedom to make decisions for yourself is great, the consecences are yours to bear too. And he just realized how overwhelming these concences can be in the recent epsiode.

Via on the other hand still need to grow up. The fallout with her father is over due because stolas isnt JUST her father. She tries to remind him of his role on every step he takes further to himself - his true self.

Octavia needs to finally learn about the world, how healthy relationships look like, and what her father truly did for her. Right now she is angry and dissapointed and from her perspective she has every right to be but she lacks the understanding for her own father. It shows how little she truly know about the relationship of her parents. She need to question why her father took pills rather than judging him for it. She needs to ask why her mother is so degrading towards him rather than accepting it as a given. She needs to see the true intentions of her uncle and mother rather than overlooking it. and there clearly is hope. She protected her dad, still called him dad and i belive there is still hope. If Via learns more about her parents and the world - if she manages to grow up. And if it takes a bruning bridge for now, than so be it but I'm certain that they will find each other sooner or later.

[acute-crashout-jeyuso]

Sacrifices (Book 2 of 3 BTR Series) a Jhea Fanfic.

Chapter 26: beginning of swollen feet..

Thursday, March 6th, 2025 – 8:27 PM

“Girl, you really letting this thing ride out, huh?” Trinity teased, sitting cross-legged on the guest bed as she helped Rhea fold the stack of baby onesies laid out between them.

Rhea sat on the floor, her back against the edge of the bed, carefully smoothing out the tiny fabric in her hands. “It hurt me, Trin’,” Rhea muttered, her voice quieter than before. “What he said… it really hurt.”

Trinity sighed softly and set down the onesie she’d been folding. “I understand,” she said gently. “I heard the whole thing. And you know… it’s normal to feel like this, but don’t you miss him?”

Rhea paused, her eyes fixed on the onesie she was holding. “At night, yeah,” she admitted after a long silence. “Sometimes I wanna cave in and let him hold me, just so I can feel okay for a second. But then I squash it and remind myself I’m still mad. We sleep in the same bed, Trin, but fuck man we might as well be on different planets.”

Trinity tilted her head as she studied Rhea, concern clear in her eyes. “That doesn’t sound sustainable, Rhea. You’re not just shutting him out—you’re shutting yourself down, too.”

Rhea pressed her lips into a thin line, her shoulders tensing. “What the hell am I supposed to do? Act like everything’s okay? Like he didn’t make me feel small?”

“I’m not saying that,” Trinity replied, her tone steady. “I’m saying talk to him. For real, this time. You two are having a baby. And I’ve known you long enough to know that when you’re holding onto something this tight, it’s eating you up inside.”

Rhea rubbed her forehead and sighed. “I just… I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him about it yet.”

Trinity leaned forward, placing a hand on Rhea’s knee. “It’s okay if you’re not ready. But don’t wait too long, Rhea. You know Jey—he’s not perfect, but he loves you. And you love him.”

Rhea didn’t respond right away, her gaze distant as if lost in her own thoughts. “I don’t know what love is supposed to look like anymore, Trin,” she whispered finally.

Trinity gave her knee a soft squeeze. “It looks like two people who keep showing up for each other, even when it’s hard.”

Rhea blinked rapidly, trying to push back the sting of tears. She let out a shaky breath. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” Trinity said softly, leaning back and picking up another onesie. “Now, let’s finish folding these before your little thunderstorm comes into this world already dressed to rock.”

Rhea laughed lightly despite herself, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You and Damian really gotta stop calling my kid that.”

“Not a chance,” Trinity grinned. “We’ll let Jey try to win that argument when the baby’s here.”

—

Jey carefully packaged up the gift he’d bought for Jaciyah, smoothing out the red wrapping paper before setting it on the counter. Across the room, Jon stood on a stepstool, stringing up a black and red “Happy Birthday” banner over the living room entryway.

“Man, this banner better stay up,” Jon muttered, stepping back to admire his work. “I ain’t tryin’ to redo this tomorrow.”

Jey chuckled lightly as he taped down the edges of the gift. “You act like you ain’t used to this. You’ve hung up a million birthday banners for your kids.”

Jon smirked as he stepped off the stool. “Yeah, but I’m gettin’ older now. Banner duty ain’t my thing no more.” He headed toward the kitchen, pausing to shoot Jey a pointed look. “But for real, Uce… Damian’s got a point.”

Jey sighed, his shoulders tensing as he looked up. “Man, can we not? I’m tryin’ to focus on tomorrow.”

Jon ignored him, grabbing packs of meat from the fridge and setting them by the sink. “Nah, I’m just sayin’—you’ve been messin’ up lately. Rhea’s holdin’ it down with the baby and everything else. You lucky she’s still ridin’ with you.”

Jey didn’t answer right away, his focus shifting back to the gift. “I know, man. I don’t need you tellin’ me.”

Jon turned on the water, rinsing the meat. “Well, somebody’s gotta. You can’t just keep lettin’ it slide, Jey. You’re gonna have to step up at some point.”

Jey leaned back against the counter, staring at the ceiling for a moment before muttering, “I am steppin’ up. I’m tryin’, alright?”

Jon glanced over his shoulder, his tone softening. “Tomorrow’s about Jaciyah, though. You gotta make sure he feels like the king of the world for his day, no matter what’s goin’ on with you and Rhea.”

Jey nodded, his voice quieter now. “Yeah… I got it. Tomorrow’s for my boy.”

“Good.” Jon grabbed a knife and a cutting board, starting to prep the ribs. “Now, go make sure the grill’s cleaned out. I don’t want no excuses when it’s time to throw the meat on tomorrow.”

Jey let out a small laugh, shaking his head as he grabbed the tongs from the drawer. “Ain’t nobody gonna outcook me, Uce. I got this.”

Jon smirked as he sprinkled seasoning over the meat. “We’ll see.”

As Jey headed toward the backyard to prep the grill, he let Jon’s words linger in the back of his mind. Tomorrow wasn’t about him or the tension in the house—it was about Jaciyah. His oldest boy deserved a perfect day, and Jey was determined not to let him down. Everything else could wait.

—

Rhea had just finished showering, her damp hair clinging to her shoulders as she dressed in silence. The tension between her and Jey had become a third presence in the room, unspoken but suffocating. She plugged her phone into the charger and turned off her bedside lamp, climbing into bed without so much as a glance at him.

“Goodnight,” she said softly, her back already turned to him.

Jey stared at her for a long moment, the weight of her coldness pressing on his chest. Finally, he sighed heavily, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “I’m tired of this, Rhea.”

She stiffened but didn’t turn to face him. “Tired of what?”

“This,” he said, his voice rising slightly. “This distance. Us actin’ like strangers in our own house, in our own bed.”

Rhea turned abruptly, sitting up to face him. Her eyes glinted with anger and something deeper—hurt. “What do you want me to do, Jey? Just forget everything you said? Pretend like I didn’t hear it?”

“I never said that!” he shot back, sitting up to meet her glare. “But I can’t fix it if you keep shuttin’ me out!”

Her laugh was bitter, a sharp contrast to the warmth they once shared. “Fix it? Jey, you think you can just fix this with words and gifts? You think that makes it all go away?”

“I’m tryin’, Rhea!” he snapped. “I’m here, ain’t I? I ain’t givin’ up on us, but you gotta meet me halfway!”

Rhea’s voice broke as she responded, her emotions spilling over. “Maybe there is no ‘us’ anymore, Jey! Maybe it’s better if I just raise this baby on my own!”

The room fell silent, her words hitting Jey like a punch to the gut. His eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat. “What?” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Rhea looked away, tears threatening to fall. “I can’t keep doing this. The hurt, the feeling like I’m not enough. I’m tired, Jey. And maybe it’s just better this way.”

Jey’s heart shattered as he stared at her, his hands trembling. “You’re serious?” he asked, his voice cracking. “You think I’d just let you walk away? Let you raise my baby on your own?”

Rhea’s eyes snapped back to his, her tone sharp. “It’s not your baby, Jey. It’s my baby.”

That was it. The breaking point. Realizing his mistakes for the first time, his jaw clenched and he leaned closer, his voice firm but laced with pain. “You know what? You’re wrong. It ain’t just your baby—it’s our baby, Rhea. Yours and mine.”

Rhea shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “You don’t get it, Jey. You don’t understand how much this hurts.”

“I do,” he said, his voice softening as he reached for her hand, though she pulled away. “I know I messed up, and I’ll regret it every damn day. But I love you, Rhea. I love you and this baby, and I’ll be damned if I let you shut me out.”

Rhea’s lip quivered as she looked at him, her defenses crumbling under the weight of his words. “Jey…”

“I’m not givin’ up on us,” he said firmly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I’ll fight for you, for us, for this family. But you gotta let me in, Rhea. You gotta let me try.”

She covered her face with her hands, sobbing quietly. Jey moved closer, hesitating for a moment before wrapping his arms around her. This time, she didn’t pull away.

“I’m scared, Jey,” she admitted through her tears. “I’m so scared.”

“I know, baby,” he whispered, holding her tightly. “But we’ll get through this. Together. I promise.”

Jey pulled back from the embrace just enough to look into Rhea’s tear-streaked face, his hands cradling her cheeks. His voice was steady, full of conviction. “You’re gonna be my wife someday, Rhea. I’ll be damned if I let you leave like this. We’re gonna be together—through it all—until we’re old and gray. Because my feelings for you never changed. I love you, Rhea.”

Rhea stared at him, her breath hitching as his words sank in. She saw the sincerity in his eyes, the unwavering love he still carried for her despite everything. Her walls crumbled completely. Without thinking, she leaned in, her lips crashing against his in a desperate, passionate kiss.

It wasn’t just a kiss—it was everything. All the pain, the longing, the nights spent apart, the unspoken apologies, and the love that refused to die. She clung to him, her fingers curling into his shirt as if anchoring herself to the one person who had always been her safe haven, even in their darkest moments.

Jey responded just as fervently, his arms wrapping around her, pulling her impossibly closer. The warmth of her lips, the way she melted into him—it was everything he’d been yearning for. He kissed her as if trying to prove every word he’d just said, pouring his heart into each moment their lips met.

When they finally pulled away, both of them were breathless, their foreheads resting against each other. Rhea’s voice was shaky but firm. “I don’t want to do this without you, Jey. I’m just so scared of losing us again.”

“You won’t lose me,” he promised, his thumb brushing against her cheek. “We’ve been through too much, baby. We’ll figure this out. Together.”

Rhea nodded, her tears drying as a small smile broke through. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you more,” Jey replied, his lips grazing hers again in a softer, more tender kiss.

For the first time days, the weight on both their shoulders felt lighter. They weren’t fixed—there were still cracks and scars—but they were together, and that was the foundation they needed to start rebuilding.

—

Friday March 7th, 2025 7:11 AM

The next morning, Jeyce sprinted toward the lamppost at the end of his street, his backpack bouncing on his shoulders. As he reached the familiar spot, he spotted Demi already waiting for him. She was leaning casually against the pole, dressed in her usual edgy style—a black Motionless in White band shirt, snug gray jeans, and a pair of well-worn purple Converse. Her matching purple butterfly lunch bag hung from her shoulder, likely filled with the snacks she always packed for them to share.

When Demi noticed Jeyce approaching, her face lit up with a bright smile. “Took you long enough,” she teased playfully, tucking a strand of her dyed lavender hair behind her ear.

“Blame my dad for that,” Jeyce replied, smirking as he came to a stop in front of her. “He wouldn’t stop giving me that ‘man of the house’ talk again.”

Demi giggled. “Sounds like Jey.”

Without hesitation, the two leaned in for a quick, shy peck on the lips—something they had started doing since officially becoming a couple. Jeyce felt a rush of warmth in his chest, and judging by the blush on Demi’s cheeks, she felt the same.

“Ready for another thrilling day at school?” Jeyce asked sarcastically as the bus came into view.

Demi rolled her eyes. “Totally. Algebra’s just been fhe highlight of my week.”

Jeyce laughed and adjusted his backpack. “Hey, at least we’ll survive together.”

“True.” She grinned, looping her arm through his as the bus pulled to a stop in front of them.

As they boarded, the two settled into their usual seat in the middle of the bus, chatting about anything and everything—school, music, their weekend plans. For Jeyce, these moments with Demi made the school day something to actually look forward to.

Meanwhile, Jey and Rhea stood under the warm spray of the shower, the steam curling around them like a soft veil. It had been days since they shared such a moment of quiet intimacy, and for Jey, it felt like a piece of what they’d been missing had finally returned. He let the water run down his back as his eyes settled on Rhea.

Her fifteen-week bump was more noticeable now, a gentle curve that seemed to reflect the life growing inside her. She stood with her head tilted back, letting the water cascade over her shoulders, her skin glowing in a way that Jey couldn’t help but admire.

“You’re glowing,” he said softly, his voice just loud enough to rise above the sound of the water.

Rhea opened her eyes and gave him a small, tired smile. “I feel huge already,” she said, resting a hand protectively over her belly.

Jey chuckled, shaking his head. “Nah, you look perfect.”

He reached out and gently placed his palm against her belly, feeling the warmth of her skin. His touch was tender, reverent, as if he were connecting not just with Rhea, but with the life they had created together. Without thinking, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, then another on her lips.

Rhea sighed into the kiss, her hands coming up to rest lightly on his chest. For a moment, everything else—the tension, the arguments, the lingering doubts—seemed to wash away with the water.

“I missed this,” Jey admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I missed you, baby. I know I’ve said it a hundred times, but I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”

Rhea looked up at him, her green eyes searching his face. “I’m trying, Jey,” she whispered. “I really am.”

He leaned his forehead against hers, his hand never leaving her belly. “That’s all I ask. Just… don’t give up on me. On us. I need you, Rhea.”

A tear slid down Rhea’s cheek, quickly lost in the spray of the shower. “I won’t,” she promised, her voice trembling.

Jey kissed her again, more deeply this time, pouring every ounce of his love and determination into the gesture. It wasn’t just a kiss—it was a vow, unspoken but deeply felt.

For the first time in days, it felt like they were truly connected again.

Rhea and Jey stepped out of the shower, the warmth of the water still lingering on their skin. Jey walked over to the sink to grab a towel, tossing Rhea one as he met her eyes with a soft smile. She returned it but was already focused on getting dressed.

Rhea took her time, drying off and starting to pull on her black cargo pants. She slipped into her black vintage Jey shirt, the one he’d given her as a joke during a road trip, but now it fit her with a special significance. She slid on her black Vans, but as she stood up to look at herself in the mirror, she noticed they felt a little tighter than usual.

“Ugh,” she muttered under her breath, adjusting her shoes. The pressure on her feet was starting to build. The early signs of swelling had begun, and it only irritated her further. She bent down and rubbed at her feet, trying to ease the discomfort, but there wasn’t much she could do.

Jey, noticing her struggle, walked over with a frown. “You okay?”

Rhea sighed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, just the beginning of swollen feet. Gonna be a long day.”

Jey chuckled, though the sound was warm and full of concern. “You’re gonna need more comfy shoes soon, huh?”

She gave him a sarcastic smirk. “I swear, you’re the last person I want to hear that from.”

Jey raised an eyebrow and gave her a teasing look. “What? You don’t want your loving fiancé to remind you to take care of yourself?”

Rhea shook her head but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at her lips. She appreciated the attention, even if it was wrapped in humor.

“Alright, alright, I’ll take it easy today,” she said, giving in. “But only because Jaciyah’s birthday is today and I’m not missing it..”

“Good. We’ve got a whole night planned for him. He deserves a great birthday,” Jey replied, looking over at the time on his phone. “I’ll make sure everything’s ready here. You just focus on him.”

Rhea nodded, her eyes softening as she thought about their son. Despite everything that had happened recently, she wanted to make this day special for Jaciyah. “Thank you,” she said quietly, her voice full of affection.

Jey smiled and leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. “Anything for you, baby.”

As they finished getting ready, Rhea still felt the slight ache in her feet but pushed it aside. Today wasn’t about her discomfort—it was about making sure Jaciyah had the best birthday he could have. And for that, she’d give it everything she had.

Despite the discomfort in her swollen feet, Rhea made her way down the stairs with a soft smile on her face. The moment she entered the kitchen, the sight of the yellow cake in the display made her feel a sense of pride. It was the final touch to Jaciyah’s birthday celebration. She pulled out the chocolate frosting and began to carefully cover the cake, her movements slow but deliberate.

Trinity was already downstairs, busy at the counter baking Jaciyah’s favorite—brown butter chocolate chunk cookies. The sweet scent of freshly baked cookies filled the air, making Rhea’s stomach growl despite her discomfort.

“This boy, all he wants is sweets,” Rhea remarked with a laugh, as she spread the frosting evenly on the cake.

Trinity chuckled, shaking her head. “That’s your bonus son for you.”

Rhea smirked, but the smile softened as she looked over at Trinity. “Where is he, actually?” she asked, curious.

“He’s at his job,” Trinity replied. “Went in early so he could leave early. Wanted to get the day started and have some time for himself later.”

Rhea nodded as she finished the last corner of the cake. “Of course, he’s growing up too fast,” she muttered, almost to herself, as she set the frosting knife down.

The kitchen was filled with the sound of cookies being scooped onto a baking sheet. Rhea grabbed her backpack and keys, ready to head out for work.

“I’ll see you guys later when I get off,” Rhea said, throwing Trinity a quick smile.

“Have a good day at work, babes!” Trinity called, her hands busy but her eyes warm as she waved Rhea off.

Rhea smiled as she pulled on her jacket, feeling the warmth of her family around her even as she headed out the door. It wasn’t the easiest of days, but moments like this made everything worth it. She was grateful for the love and support, even if it was just the little things like frosting a birthday cake or baking cookies in the morning.

As she stepped out the door and into her car, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of hope for the day ahead. No matter how challenging things might get, she had her family, and they were always there to help her through it.

—

10:26 AM

Jeyce grabbed his science book and stuffed it into his locker, glancing at the little details that decorated the inside of the door. His eyes softened at the printed selfie of him and Demi, her wide grin and his shy smile captured perfectly in the picture. Just as he smiled to himself, his phone lit up with a notification.

Before he could check it, a tap on his shoulder pulled his attention. He turned to see Demi standing there, her excitement almost tangible.

“Did you see what I sent you?” she asked, practically bouncing on her toes.

“I just opened my locker,” Jeyce replied with a laugh. “Give me a second!”

“Well, hurry up and look!” she said, nudging him playfully.

Jeyce unlocked his phone and opened her text message. It was a flyer for a Motionless in White listening party tomorrow at CD Master Copy. His brows furrowed until Demi grinned and pointed at the screen.

“Check the bottom! Zoom in!”

Doing as she said, Jeyce squinted at the tiny print at the bottom: “With an appearance from lead vocalist Chris ‘Motionless’ Cerulli.”

“No way,” he muttered, eyes widening.

“Yes way! He decided to make a last minute appearance!” Demi said, her excitement bubbling over. “And guess what? My mom got four tickets! Two for you and Jaciyah, and two for me and Daya!”

Jeyce grinned, his enthusiasm matching hers. “That’s awesome. I can’t believe we’re gonna meet Chris Cerulli in person!”

“I know, right?” Demi said, practically squealing. “We’ll pick you and Jaciyah up tomorrow morning. I was thinking we could grab breakfast first, then head to the store.”

“Sounds perfect,” Jeyce said, sliding his phone into his pocket. He leaned against his locker and smirked. “You always know how to make things fun, huh?”

“That’s kind of my specialty,” Demi said with a playful shrug. She reached for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. “Now get to class before you’re late!”

Jeyce laughed, watching her walk away, her purple butterfly lunch bag swinging at her side. Shaking his head with a smile, already looking forward to the weekend ahead.

As Jeyce grabbed his English book, a rough shove sent him slamming into his locker. He turned to see Bart—the flunkie and Demi’s ex. Bart stood there with a smug look, towering over most of the seventh graders in the hall since he’d been held back a year.

“Still wasting your time with Demi?” Bart sneered, loud enough for nearby students to hear. “Guess nobody told you she’s just practicing until she finds someone better.”

Jeyce squared his shoulders, his hands balling into fists. “Back off, Bart.”

Bart laughed, stepping closer. “What’s the matter? Truth hurt? Ask anyone. Before me, Demi was all over Sam last year—said she’d still be with him if his parents didn’t make him switch schools.”

“That’s not true!” Jeyce snapped, his voice rising. He glanced around, noticing a few students stopping to listen.

Bart shrugged, his grin widening. “Oh, it’s true. She’s got a type, you know—whoever’ll fall for her ‘poor me’ act. Thought you were smarter than that, but I guess not.”

Jeyce stepped forward, his jaw tight. “Don’t talk about her like that. You don’t know anything about her.”

Bart’s grin turned into a mocking smirk. “I know enough. Like how she’ll dump you the second someone cooler comes along.” He turned to the crowd that had gathered. “What do you guys think? Should we take bets on how long it’ll take?”

Laughter rippled through the group, and Jeyce’s blood boiled. He could feel the heat rising in his chest. “Shut up, Bart!”

Bart shoved Jeyce’s shoulder. “Or what? You gonna fight me? Demi’s not worth it, dude.”

Jeyce snapped. “She’s worth more than you’ll ever be!” He swung, his fist connecting with Bart’s shoulder.

The hallway exploded into chaos. Bart stumbled back but quickly recovered, tackling Jeyce into the lockers. “You think you’re tough, huh?”

Jeyce struggled against him, shoving him off and throwing another punch that landed on Bart’s jaw. Bart retaliated, grabbing Jeyce’s shirt and yanking him forward.

“Stop it! Leave him alone!”

Jeyce heard Demi’s voice, but it only fueled his anger. He pushed Bart off him, shoving him hard against the lockers. “Keep her name out of your mouth!”

Bart swung again, but Jeyce ducked, grabbing him by the shirt and slamming him back. The crowd around them was yelling, some cheering, others calling for a teacher.

“What is going on here?!”

The booming voice of Mr. Daniels broke through the chaos. The crowd scattered as the teacher stormed forward, pulling Jeyce and Bart apart. “Fighting? In my hallway? Both of you—principal’s office. Now!”

Jeyce was still breathing hard, his shirt wrinkled and his knuckles sore. Bart smirked, rubbing his jaw as they were escorted down the hall.

As they walked, Bart leaned over, his voice low and taunting. “She’s going to ditch you, Jeyce. Just like she ditched me. You’ll see.”

Jeyce didn’t reply, but the fire in his eyes burned brighter. He knew Demi better than anyone, and no lies from Kevin were going to change that.

—

Meanwhile, Jey, Trinity, and Jon were lounging in the living room, watching The Sopranos. The dim glow of the television cast flickering shadows across the room as the sound of Carmela’s sharp voice filled the space. Barry and Bella, the family’s loyal dogs, lay sprawled out beside Jey on the couch, their tails occasionally thumping when Jey absentmindedly scratched behind their ears.

Trinity was perched on the arm of the recliner where Jon sat, both sipping on glasses of sweet tea and sharing quiet commentary about the show. Jey, however, was half-watching, his phone resting on his thigh as he absentmindedly scrolled through emails.

The quiet was interrupted by the sharp buzz of Jey’s phone. The screen lit up with a familiar number, and he furrowed his brow. “Hold on, y’all,” he muttered, picking up the call.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Fatu, this is Vanessa from the Mead Middle School division,” a crisp, professional voice began on the other end.

Jey sat up straighter, immediately alert. “Uh, yeah, this is him. What’s this about?”

“I’m calling regarding another incident involving Jeyce,” Vanessa said, her tone both apologetic and firm.

Jey rubbed his forehead, already bracing himself. “What happened now?”

“There was an altercation between Jeyce and another student this afternoon,” Vanessa explained. “It appears there was some kind of disagreement that escalated into a physical fight. Both boys have been sent home, and we’ve scheduled a meeting with the principal to discuss disciplinary action. We’d like for you to attend on Monday morning.”

Jey closed his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. Trinity and Jon had paused the show, both of them watching him with concern.

“Is he okay and my son takes the bus, how is he getting home?” Jey asked, his voice strained but calm.

“Jeyce is fine, though it seems he’s a bit shaken up and we’ve contacted a Demi Bennett, she said she is on her way.” Vanessa replied. “But this is the second incident we’ve had involving him recently, and we’re growing concerned. We’ll need to address this more formally during the meeting.”

Jey clenched his jaw, nodding even though she couldn’t see him. “Alright. Monday morning. What time?”

“Eight o’clock sharp,” Vanessa said. “We’ll see you then, Mr. Fatu.”

“Thanks for the call,” Jey said shortly before hanging up.

He dropped the phone onto the couch beside him and leaned forward, rubbing his temples.

“What’s going on?” Trinity asked, sliding off the recliner and sitting beside him.

“Jeyce got into another fight,” Jey muttered, his frustration evident. “They want me at the school Monday for a meeting.”

Jon let out a low whistle. “Man, that boy’s got fire in him, just like his old man.”

Jey shot him a look, not amused. “Not the time, Jon.”

Trinity rested a hand on Jey’s shoulder. “What was it about?”

“They didn’t say much, just that it was a fight. Second one already…” He let out another sigh, shaking his head. “I swear, he’s been acting up ever since we moved here. I don’t know if it’s the school or something else, but I need to get to the bottom of it.”

Trinity gave him a reassuring squeeze. “You’re doing your best, Jey. He’s a good kid, just going through something. You’ll figure it out.”

Jey didn’t respond immediately, his mind already racing through how he’d approach the situation with Jeyce. Barry nudged his leg, and he reached down to pet the dog absentmindedly, wishing for a moment of peace that felt increasingly out of reach.

—

Rhea pulled up to Mead Primary School, her frustration mounting as she spotted Jeyce sitting on a bench near the entrance, his head bowed. Beside him stood the secretary, Vanessa, holding a clipboard and wearing an expression of polite concern.

Rhea put the car in park, sighed deeply, and got out. Her vans hit the pavement with a determined stride as she approached the pair.

“Jeyce,” she said sternly, her hands resting on her hips. “What did you do now?”

Jeyce didn’t respond, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground.

Vanessa cleared her throat. “We’ve already contacted Jeyce’s father about the situation, Ms. Bennett.”

“Well, I’m his stepmother,” Rhea replied firmly, crossing her arms. “So what did my son do this time?”

Vanessa adjusted her clipboard. “He was involved in another altercation with a fellow student. It seems this incident escalated into something physical. This is the second time—”

Rhea held up a hand, cutting her off. “On your brother’s birthday, really, Jeyce?” she said, her tone dripping with disbelief as she fixed him with a sharp glare.

Jeyce finally looked up, guilt written across his face. “He was saying stuff about Demi,” he muttered, his voice guilty.

Rhea sighed, crouching down slightly to meet him at eye level. “What kind of stuff?”

“He’s lying about her,” Jeyce said, his tone defensive now. “Saying she flirts with other guys and cheats on me. It’s not true, and I’m not gonna let him talk about her like that.”

Rhea closed her eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “And you think throwing punches is the way to fix that?”

Jeyce shrugged, his defiance slipping as guilt crept back in. “I didn’t start it.”

Vanessa chimed in. “Regardless of who started it, Mr. Fatu, the situation needs to be addressed. We’ve scheduled a meeting with the principal on Monday morning to discuss next steps.”

Rhea straightened up and nodded. “Fine. We’ll be there. But for now,” she turned back to Jeyce, “get in the car. Your father will be having a serious talk with you when we get home.”

Jeyce stood up reluctantly, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he trudged toward the car.

Rhea looked back at Vanessa. “Thanks for letting us know. We’ll handle it.”

Vanessa nodded, her expression sympathetic. “We’ll see you Monday.”

Rhea got back in the car, her fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly as Jeyce sat in silence beside her.

“You’re lucky I came instead of your dad,” she said after a moment. “He told me he is already frustrated about this whole thing. You need to start thinking about the consequences of your actions, Jeyce.”

Jeyce stayed quiet, staring out the window, his jaw tight.

[fiction-podcast-lover]

This is your friendly reminder that Cecil is in fact, NOT a reliable narrator.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

personal happiness or what the fuck ever

bonus:

[sleepytoycollection]

I'm not really sure how I'd go about such a thing, but I've thought about it for a while if we had a like, a collector challenge month where you can only post photos of things already in your collection.

Not necessarily that you can't buy anything new, but you can't post about it until the month is over. New customs are allowed if they're made of parts you already own.

Just as like, a way to show appreciation to the things you already have and love. And maybe a little to curb impulse buying/that FOMO instinct of needing to be the first one to have the thing so you can show it off immediately to everyone. (I've been guilty of this at times myself.)

I dunno how much interest there'd be in that on a broad scale, but maybe I'll do it as a solo challenge.

Maybe could do one of those prompt charts too? Post your favorite/your weirdest/one you've had the longest/ect

[dreaming-moondragon]

Reminder, if you are butch/masc, it doesn't mean that you are not allowed to be soft and sensitive. Just because some people see it as a weakness. Its not! Be soft! Be sensitive! Be empathic! There is so much strength in that!

[brown-little-robin]

it went fine yesterday btw :}

[lale-txt]

it's been over a week but i legit haven't stopped thinking about this

[soup-is-here]

Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

[what-have-i-unleashed]

don't know if i said this before but i wish there are more stories where the characters are fwb and stay as fwb. not everyone needs to have romantic chemistry btw.

[jolalibrary]

sometimes, you write that thing because it makes you happy. and it leads you to finding people who feel happy from it. you all might not live happily ever after, but for a moment—a pause in the day-to-day—you smile, as they smile, and it’s enough.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[bellacatt-art]

I fear that if I was aboard Red Dwarf in Series 3-5, I'd never get anything done, I'd just be staring at Holly like this: