#i need to like figure out how personal loans work to make up the difference in what i make vs what it cost to live with disabilities

[terrorbirb]

Officially have no savings at all. Love that it takes more than 3 years to get disability.

[peachymilkandcream]

Payment|Part 1|Mafia Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: So excited to be starting this series, it seems you guys really enjoy my version of yandere Levi and keep looking for more AUs of these two goobers. This is first chapter as per normal is taken from the oneshot that I purposely left open-ended for this. The chapter of this will be completely new content however! Hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon/dubcon, big age difference, kidnapping, slavery, violence, power imbalance, implied somnophilia, forced pregnancies, mind breaking, yandere behaviour, yandere themes, forced exhibitionism, sexual coercion, blackmail, etc.

===============================================

What kind of a stupid fool makes a deal with a mafia boss? She could have just let her business fall flat on its face and she wouldn't be in this situation.

The deal had been that Levi Ackerman, the one man who singlehandedly ran the city from the shadows, would give her a sizable loan to save her business and keep her afloat. It was such a stupid deal to make, but Evelyn was desperate to find a way not to crawl back to her parents as a failure.

In her defense, she didn't know he was a mafia boss, just a generous investor who took pity on her and chose to help her out. So once she had made the deal only then did he reveal his true self and she realized how deep in shit she really was.

Evelyn shook her head to clear her thoughts, no need to get upset, payday was coming and her business did end up making enough to pay him back. Within the week she'd be done with him.

The thought helped her swallow the ramen noodles she'd had to eat for the last week to avoid unnecessary expenses.

================================================

Payday arrived, and with it came the man who haunted her dreams at night for what he'd do to her if she couldn't pay it back. Images of being killed and then dissected to sell her organs constantly filled her mind and made her work harder.

But that was all over today. Today she'd be free of him and hopefully never see his face again. And besides, while scary looking, he wasn't a bad guy to her at least. Even though that meant she still couldn't show fear to him.

"Mr. Ackerman, you look well." She ventures with a friendly smile.

"Levi." He spits out, seeming bored as he looks around. "So I see you made use of my money."

"Yes sir I have," Pride shone through her voice now. "I've worked and saved and scraped together all that I owe you." She slides an envelope towards him.

Without much more than a sideways glance at her Levi takes the envelope and silently counts before looking at her with annoyance.

"This isn't the full amount."

"What do you mean?" Panic rises in her. "I counted it this morning-"

"This covers the loan for the business but not your other expenses."

Evelyn's stomach dropped, looking into the faces of his smug bodyguards, clearly this wasn't the first time they witnessed their boss crushing the hope out of a person. "What expenses-?"

Levi snaps his fingers and is given what seems to be a receipt. "Business loan, paid. Interest, paid. Disposal of persons count one, unpaid. Disposal of persons count two, unpaid."

She shakes her head in disbelief. "Wait, disposal of persons?"

"You know, like a hit?"

Her mouth hangs open. "You killed someone? I didn't ask you to kill anyone."

"Of course you did, I have clear record of one of my guys overhearing you reference to two customers that you hoped they fell in a ditch and died."

Evelyn can hardly believe her ears, the two in question was an old highschool bully named Petra who used to torment her, and the other was one of her lackeys who did as she said. The event was the two had come in to harass her and her business since apparently some people don't grow up after graduating.

"It was just a figure of speech- I didn't want them dead-"

"Then you should have clarified, it's not my fault you're unable to explain yourself."

While the idea of Petra being dead didn't exactly upset Evelyn, the idea of causing it was a little unsettling. "Okay fine, how much do I owe you then."

Levi says nothing but writes out a for her to sign, the amount making her eyes widen.

"I could never pay this back-"

"Then it seems we have a problem don't we."

"Look if you just gave me more time-"

"I've given you plenty of time." He nods and before she can react a cloth is placed over her nose and mouth.

Panic sets in and she can't stop her sharp breaths, each one making black edges come into her vision as Levi's leering face fills her unconscious.

================================================

Evelyn awakes handcuffed to a bed pole in a room more luxurious than anything she's ever seen. It was clean and neat and expensive, everything there probably cost more than all her organs combined.

She tugged on the cuffs, but as expected it was useless. She was alone in that room overlooking the city from the huge window. HOw she had gotten there no one knew, and when she'd be set free was just as certain.

The door opens and in walks the man of the hour, shred of his thick wool coat from before and just in a vest and suit. In his hand was a whiskey tumblr and a cigarette laced through his fingers.

"Good morning, although it is more like good evening."

"Look, Levi, please, I'll do whatever you want to pay it off, but please just don't hurt me- I'll work until I'm a hundred years old-"

"The amount of pain you receive is entirely up to you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well." He sets down the glass and puts out the cigarette before facing her. "If you're good, and do as I say and don't act like a bitch then I guarantee you'll have a great and long life. The best money can buy." As he stalked towards her his hand reached up to loosen his tie.

"And if I don't?"

"If you don't-" He climbs on the bed over her, a sadistic and twisted look in his eye.

"I'll make you wish you were never born."

[alyjojo]

New Year Reading for 2024! 🌟 - Capricorn

Preshuffle: There’s a “suffering in silence” vibe about you, what it’s regarding is different for everyone, but for many it’s loving actions that have been taken…feeling like maybe you were naive, over idealistic, didn’t see red flags for what they were, didn’t read a person/situation clearly, etc. Or it’s that same energy regarding anything really, what you’ve learned from this experience is a need to be very clear and plan your steps accordingly, communication plays a big part of this. No more confusion, that just makes things messy. You’re under a lot of pressure that you’re trying to plan your way through, or out of, and with that you have success attached - 6 Wands.

Meditation: Probably the funniest of the meditations I’ve had. There’s a meme going around about goats, I’ll include it at the end 🐐, and that’s what I’m seeing. Goats stuck on a cliff. The funny part is I’m having telepathy with these goats, and they’re like “I’m not moving, I’m fine, we good” and all of the goats around them bahhh in agreement. You’re not going anywhere but UP, like you’ll stay put for the end of time and that’s fine, you’re comfortable. Or you’re going to get a decent foothold and move up an inch, two, three, etc. Pretty self explanatory, your determination is admirable. Some of you could have funny or telepathic connections with different animals, like you know what they’re thinking/saying/wanting, and you’ll know if that’s you or not. Or this could be some kind of sign from Spirit coming around this year, more quirky relationships with critters, random ones even. Jupiter is moving to your 6th House, that could be why.

🔸 Whole of Your Energy: 4 Wands & King of Wands

Regarding: Ace of Pentacles rev

You seem eager to expand your horizons, but don’t have the option to, or the money. At least right away. Some of you could be looking to buy/sell a home, and either don’t have a big enough down payment, or the market is crap, you could be blocked by loans or something lingering on your credit report. Some of you may want to take a relationship to the next level, possibly moving in together, getting engaged, and similarly, you’re being delayed. Probably because of money or a lack of what’s out there, you’ll have no choice but to wait it out for awhile. Your energy being King of Wands is powerful, you’re ready to take charge of your life and make 👏 shit 👏 happen 👏 and Spirit’s sitting you in the time-out chair instead. That could also be your partner’s energy, could be a fiery personality that’s used to things working out for them, whereas you’re chuckling in the corner because it never works that way with you.

Capricorn has the long climb from the bottom to the top, you’re used to setbacks and discipline, saving money and being mindful of budgets & what’s possible…logically. Whether by force or by choice, you’re going to have to “hang in there and be patient” - Temperance. That could apply to your temper too, if your partner tends to spend/lose money on things you don’t see as important. For some, these may be repairs that are needed, and there’s a financial crunch dealing with it, or a slow build towards “more”, but it’s going to take some time. It’s possible you’re missing out on something NOW related, but it’s probably for the best, you need more time to find something stable & worthwhile. Could be a home, job, relationship, but if it’s for you, it’s for YOU, there’s no “missing” things. With that, your career is looking good, and Growth is attached to this, it all looks very positive - maybe just not as fast as you want it to be. Anything/everything, the year is taking a year, go figure 😇 You got The Merchant, someone else got that too…I think Aqua? Maybe Libra. It’s about balance, giving what you’re receiving, fair trade, fair exchange, goods & services for coins, if the balance is off - then you worry about how to resolve that or put it right again. That mirrors Temperance as well. Spending vs saving is probably at the forefront of a lot of Cap’s minds, you seem to have a particular goal in mind. A home or something to do with one, for many of you.

Main Oracle:

19 Growth

Feel open, willing, and proud of your desire to explore new opportunities for self-development.

🔸 Character Card: The Merchant ⚖️

Coins exchange hands, deals are struck, you are a friendly character with confidence that what you have to offer is worth what you ask for in return, it’s a fair exchange. You have plenty to offer and it’s good to remind yourself of that, take note of all you have, and if you’re getting a bad deal - “raise your prices”…or move somewhere that will appreciate what you’re offering. - a move could be literal there

🔸 Relationship: 3 Cups & 5 Cups rev

Regarding: Knight of Swords

I can’t tell if the drama will be within the connection or some outside party, family, friend, work drama, idk. There will be a disappointing situation that causes some upset, or there has been already in the past, but the two of you are going to communicate through all of your worries, issues, fears, anxieties, and eventually overcome these. 3 Cups is celebrations & reunions, 5 Cups rev is healing from disappointing situations, so whatever the two of you have been through, it looks like where it’s headed is really positive. There are two threes here, it’s possible some outside party causes drama between you in the first place. 6 Wands and teamwork are where this is headed, overcoming any issues, problems, worries or setbacks, it’s going to turn out for the best. Communication is the best way forward. Introspection is placed on Couples & Singles both, instinctively you’re going to know what to do, and if you don’t, quiet the world around you down for a little while and think on it, go within.

Love Oracle:

67 Introspection

Introspection is often necessary to deepen our awareness of the unity and divinity of life.

🔸 Singles: 2 Swords & King of Pentacles

Regarding: 6 Wands

For some there are literally two people here, and indecision between which one is the right one. King of Wands shows up again here, could be mirroring the initial energy. You could be with this person, possibly even live with them, when in walks your soulmate, and there’s a lot of inner chaos involved with that. For some, there is simply a King of Wands, could be fire or that’s how they present themselves/act. Charming, popular, attractive, knows how to get what they want, happy to direct or take the lead on things, pursues you 💯 But are they your King of Pentacles? *Can* they be that person? Is it all passion, no substance? Some of you are just looking for one and attracting the other - confused as to how you keep doing this, or what you really want. You’re definitely going to have a moment of shocking realization, it feels like a good one, could be love at first sight or something, or a sudden knowing, but this too will turn out for the best - no matter which lane you’re choosing. Introspection is also needed here, time alone, don’t listen to any of these Kings or anyone else, this is your decision.

I pulled a character card for the “right” choice, and got The Botanist - which is almost a mirror of The Empress. They could have children, want children, are someone you could imagine having children with. They are a nurturer, what they cultivate grows and becomes beautiful, they take a seed and turn it into a tree, very creative, domestic & “mothering” energy. Or you literally have their kids, could be that too. Some of you may have a pregnancy. If not, if that happened, who would you want? Or do you want this and someone else doesn’t - because there’s your answer. For many I’m getting you’re more this Empress energy, who values that about you, and helps nurture it to grow even more? Meaning who can you relax with, feel secure, be vulnerable 💯 that’s a big one for Capricorns. This could be saying ask your mother, she’ll tell you who is right 😆

🔸 Career: The Sun & Page of Cups

Regarding: 4 Pentacles

You’re staying right where you are and it’s probably going to work out well for you, at least at some point this year, you’re going to be recognized in some way. It may be small, a Page isn’t the biggest thing, maybe a mention in a newsletter, a small bonus, potential overtime is likely for hourly workers, word spreading via advertisement or even friend of a friend for those working in home businesses - also possible with the initial energy. There is growth and it is positive, but you’re also going to be working your butt off - 8 & 7 Pentacles, so whatever you’re getting back is well deserved. Is it *enough*? Is the question. The Merchant in you will always have that on your mind. 4 Pentacles shows you focused on saving whatever you do get, budgeting and being pretty frugal, probably because you have to be. You could feel pretty negative about the exchange and whether it’s worth it at times, your effort is shown by 8 & 7, but you’re only getting 4…and a Page, that could be something worth discussing, interest in a higher position perhaps, or just letting it be known you’re ready to expand when the time comes…there are delays with that. The Sun is promotion, attention, being recognized, it’s possible 💯 Every row is the same, with time & effort things are going to work out for you, no matter which lane we’re talking about here.

🔸 What needs to be left behind in 2023: 5 Wands, 3 Wands & 3 Pentacles

Regarding: 7 Wands

Competition, arguments, defensive energy, either acting like someone’s opponent or expecting others to act like yours, this year you’re about moving away from any drama in favor of cooperation (also your oracle card here), and teamwork. Merchant mirrors this 6 Pentacles clarifying, both have scales, you do need to weigh and balance your effort with everyone else’s, everything should be pretty fair, but I don’t see it *not* being fair, generally. If it’s not, then you know and you can either address it or move on from this person/situation, but for the most part I see people in your corner willing to support you…you just may not feel like they are, or haven’t felt their support, it hasn’t been obvious to you. You shouldn’t fight for someone to cooperate with you either, if they don’t then they don’t, now you know. Give them a chance, bring it up, communicate, and they’ll either meet your energy or not, it’s not battle-worthy, and no one is more important or better than another, no one contributes or puts in more effort than another. What that is specifically in your life will differ for all of you, you’re about balance this year, possibly mending fences with people you were competitive or defensive with, not everyone but some - Temperance. Calm, peaceful, working out differences and combing contributions into a whole situation that’s pleasing for everyone, and it’s not just you doing it either, it’s everyone, or byeeee.

444 may show work/home imbalance, or issues within the family, this needs introspection into your own grudges & negative perceptions, what you’re holding onto, maybe learned habits & behaviors inherited from older family members. Considering not just your viewpoints, but theirs, and whether or not it’s possible to bridge the gap between them.

3333 is a reunion & celebration you’ve been hoping for in a love relationship, could be with friends or family, a party, a holiday, etc., you’ve been hoping and waiting to cooperate with these people and it’s looking like you will 💜

6666 shows victory in any relationship once you move away from conflict & defensive energy, towards one that is more balanced & equally yolked, appreciating each other and helping out, enjoying everyone around you, whether it’s family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, partners, any/all of them. Deep down, you really just want peace of mind, and supportive people to share your happiness with.

Astrological Shifts in 2023 (for Risings):

Jan 01 - Mercury direct in Sag

Jan 21 - Pluto enters Aqu (again) - 2nd House 💰

Feb 14 - Mars conj. Pluto Aquarius - 2nd 💰 - likely intense, powerful, & transformative, some of you are working really hard on a financial venture or could be buying a home, that could be the goal, this is a lot of motivation & effort being applied to something tangible - be careful of power trips or control issues relating to finances, or self-worth due to materialism

Mar 09 - Mars Aqua squares Uranus Tau at 5:55 P.M. - likely a day of conflict - 2nd 💰 vs. 5th 🎉 could spend too much on “fun” or things normally considered extras, maybe you spend a lot on your kids, art & creative things, music, games, gambling, have some fun & then reign it in

Mar 21 - Venus conj Saturn Pis - love & boundaries go hand in hand

Mar 25 - Lunar Eclipse in Lib - 10th 🔨

Apr 01 - Mercury retrogrades Ari - 4th 🏡 issues surrounding home & family could pop up, you may be spending more time with them and be caught up in a happy nostalgia, or get in touch with family you haven’t seen in awhile

Apr 08 - Solar Eclipse in Ari - continued lessons from the nodes throughout this year, issues between masculine/feminine likely, father/mother, action/reception, others/self

Apr 24 - Mercury direct

May 18 - Venus conj Uranus & Sun conj Jupiter, all in Taurus - 5th 🎉, some of you could hear of a pregnancy (possibly your own), win some money or a contest/game of some kind, gamble successfully, cash out on an investment or get incredibly lucky with money, if you have kids they could be winning something, it’s a great time to play the lottery

May 25 - Jupiter enters Gem - 6th 🤒🐶, not the greatest or worst place for Jupiter to be, health issues could be magnified or brought to attention, it’s not a traumatic placement, but it “expands” what it touches. It’s easy to gain weight at this time, overdo it on medicines or substances, even exercise, make sure you’re drinking your water and staying balanced. You could be blessed with a new furry friend, or notice that animals seem to be drawn to you, relationships with coworkers are positive

May 29 - Mars conj Chiron Ari @ 22’ - 4th 🏡 addressing pain or wounds related to family, 22’ is a “kill or be killed” placement, an argument could turn vicious, even violent, or positively, if one has already existed there may be steps taken to work on the pain that’s been caused - healing this wound

June 29 - Lilith enters Lib - 10th 🔨 Only felt with close aspects, or synastry, may be a source of contention in your career, with authority figures, a father, your reputation could take a hit, you could feel like you work with crazy people or they’re out to get you - some are, and in some cases this may be your energy towards others, instigative, dark, tempting, hateful, jealous, triggered, those with Libra placements could feel like enemies whether it’s you or them triggered, both are affected - at work. With issues at home, could be your father too.

July 06 - Venus Can square Chiron Ari - 7th ❤️ vs. 4th 🏡 - likely a fight in your relationship, irritation or some kind of standoff, possibly healing one with Venus involved, you or a partner may lash out from a wounded place, hurting the other person, could also be a friend or close family member, if you’re single. May not involve you at all but a partner vs. family.

Aug 04 - Mercury retrogrades Vir-Leo - 9th 😇 & 8th ☠️ could see a resurgence of past contacts, ex’s, old friends, anything deemed “lost” at any time may come back up for review & new understanding or awareness, could receive some kind of spiritual messages from passed on loved ones, traveling is not the best idea right now

Aug 19 - Venus Vir opposes Saturn Pis & Jupiter Gem squares both - T square of 9th 😇, 3rd 🗣️, and 6th 🤒🐶 again travel is highlighted, whether near or far, as not being the best idea throughout the month, could be relating to health issues, or you may need to travel to see someone because of health issues, you could hear news from a distance about health issues, or may be learning about health generally and old beliefs contradict this new information, causing frustration, someone close to you may have to move, a sibling, coworker, or mentor, some of you could be traveling long distances for school or some kind of training thing for work

Aug 27 - Mercury direct Leo

Sept 01 - Pluto enters Cap (last time) - 1st 🫵

Sept 16 - Venus Lib opposes Chiron Ari @ 22’ - 10th 🔨 and 4th 🏡- not a fan of the degree being 22’, involves or addresses pain with parents, gender roles/tradition, home vs work, and again 22’ is not the degree you want to keep seeing with heart centered things like family. It is a Capricorn degree, hopefully that lessens its weight a little bit in your world/situation

Sept 17 - Partial Lunar Eclipse Pis - 3rd 🗣️, preparing for the nodes to shift next year

Oct 02 - Solar Eclipse Lib - 10th 🔨

Nov 19 - Pluto enters Aqu (for good) - 2nd 💰 you’re freeeeee 🥳 how has the last 15 years been?

Nov 25 - Mercury retrogrades Sag - 12th 😵‍💫 it’s a good time to pull back, relax, rejuvenate, practice mental & emotional wellness, process how far you’ve come and everything you’ve accomplished in the last decade+, past contacts may pop back in, possibly just in dreams or your subconscious, it’s a good time for a personal review to lay things to rest

Dec 06 - Mars retrogrades Leo - 8th ☠️ could see you feeling a little insecure, lacking confidence, again people could come back, this time ex’s are highlighted, along with relationships that were “dead” or lost to you, take care with how you handle these, there’s an energy of being tested right as you begin to relax, don’t be fooled, especially with money, some of you could be dealing with a loss of some kind, and will need to take a time out to handle whatever is involved with this, breakups often happen with this transit…but could be temporary, it’s the retrograde way, be careful of inflated egos, control & power dynamics

Dec 15 - Mercury direct Sag

Dec 24 - Jupiter Gem squares Saturn Pis - 6th 🤒🐶 vs. 3rd 🗣️ could be a necessary doctor or veterinarian visit, coworkers that get on your nerves, maybe just talking about a health obsession or something you’ve learned, and the reception you get from others isn’t great, it doesn’t have to be a big thing just annoying

[jacqcrisis]

Idk why but I wondered what a human, non magic AU of Left Turn would be and I figured you'd still have a lot of the same shit (Caleb's in college, Zekes a line cook, there's internalized homophobia, a lot of the same story beats) but enough is different it interests me. The biggest is that with a different upbringing by being the special football boy in the family, Caleb would be a massive jackass on the surface and Zeke, not bogged down by needing to be neutral and non-aggressive in order to stay out of trouble due his changeling nature, would have a snappy ass tongue, be more self destructive, and no fear in fighting someone like Caleb.

So idea under the read more:

So Caleb is in college at a religious university and is in their pretty famous football team as a QB and has a good chance of going pro. It's his only ambition in life and he's barely taking any real classes save for stuff to meet requirements for a Business degree, on top of having a holier than thou attitude from being the Big Cool Guy all his life. His family is ultra evangelical conservative and severely homophobic which of course is why he's the most repressed bisexual ever with a long term girlfriend he's probably going to propose to within the next year.

In comes a bartending job in between seasons for some extra cash and he meets the scrawny, weaselly looking line cook who clocks his repressed ass so goddamn fast. Zeke, a high school drop out and someone who escaped a cult at a young age, is quick to call out Caleb's vague homophobia and his lingering glances, actively being a sarcastic little shit to him and knocking him down from his high horse any chance he gets. It frustrates Caleb to no end this gay ass mother fucker is living rent free in his brain and every day at the bar, there's a lot of passive aggressive behavior and sniping and back talk and everyone who works there is taking bets on whether they'll fuck or fight first.

It culminates one night closing together, Zeke makes a jab that Caleb takes very badly, he starts pushing Zeke around, Zeke pushes back, and Caleb kisses him hard enough to break his lip open. Zeke gets the angriest blow job of his life, but he's not complaining and after, Caleb's adamant he's not gay and absconds and Zeke figures that's the end of that and waits for either the sexual harassment claim or for Caleb to actually try to beat the fuck out of him.

Neither happen and Caleb acts like nothing has changed except their sniping has a definite flirting edge to it. They fight more, obviously hook up more, Caleb's kind of a bitch about it even if he initiates most of the time, but he steadily gets better and, when alone, they are friendly toward each other. Even when Caleb quits, he gets Zeke's number from Ashley and they continue as thus with Caleb inviting Zeke to his dorm room a few times to 'chill' where he is extremely torn over how he feels for the guy.

At one point, as Caleb is becoming a better person and getting more comfortable with his sexuality, he sleeps with a random guy at a party, and gets caught with video evidence. Rumors fly, his girlfriend breaks up with him, his family disowns him, and he has to drop out of college without their support, thus no more glamorous football career. After going on a bender, Zeke pulls him out before he gets too far in, becomes his genuine friend, helps him get a new support network, and turn his life around.

They move in together as strictly just friends, he goes back to work at the bar till he can qualify for student loans, and once he feels above water, he wants to do a reset with Zeke. He invites him out for a night on the town together one fine evening and it's nice and cozy and Zeke feels like he's going a little nuts thinking Caleb is being close to him. At one point, while walking in the park, Caleb kisses him and Zeke, taken aback at the semi-public display of affection after months of Caleb barely even touching him platonically, asks if this is a date.

Caleb fumbles it, retracts it, doubles down on it, and ends with a 'it is if you want it to be'. Zeke tells him yeah, he absolutely does, and they get a happy ending.

[dreamingdormouse]

Conversations in my house can be WILD.

There are four of us. Me, my husband, and our two kids - an older daughter and a younger son. They're... let's be vague and say 3rd-7th grade. Of all of us, the only one who MIGHT be neurotypical (and I don't give it good odds) is my son. My husband and I have been bookworms since we were very small, we met in a library as middle schoolers. And both kids are very bright and love to acquire new information, although like me they have trouble finishing assignments. Since they're still comparatively young, they haven't yet acquired a lot of niche information if it doesn't relate to their special interests. So conversations often involve a lot of infodumping - from them, if it IS a special interest, or to them, if they're curious.

When I say our discussions can go anywhere, I mean it. A couple days ago we went out for dinner, and our discussions in the car, at the restaurant, and heading home involved some fairly random subjects.

Summaries of five of our topics under the cut, if I've correctly guessed the workings of this button I found. I've never figured out how to make a long post look shorter before!

(1) Why it is PERFECTLY OKAY to pronounce GIF with either a hard or soft "G" sound, even though it abbreviates a word with a hard "G" sound. My daughter's initial reasoning was fairly sound, but unnecessarily prescriptive; we pointed out that English does not require that abbreviations follow the pronunciations of their source words, for example "Laser" is generally pronounced "lay-zer" not "lah-seer," and therefore you shouldn't yell at people that they are wrong just because they use a different pronunciation than you, which would be rude even if they were wrong.

(2) The International Phonetic Alphabet, what a schwa (ə) is and how it sounds (which is kind of like "uh"), how any vowel can make this sound in English (balloon, camel, pencil, carrot, bug), a quick bit of research to discover that this can include "Y" when it's used as a vowel (vinyl), the fact that schwa is the most common sound in the English language, and then that "E" is the most common letter in the English language, which led to both kids counting how many "E"s are in each of our full names, how many vowels, and how many total letters.

(3) How backwards aging would work - this one in itself deserves a whole post, I wrote it up yesterday but it vanished into the void. I'll rewrite it maybe tomorrow.

(4) Who was in town when the kids were born and a VERY brief discussion of the events of both days - not the how-it-works bit, but "waking your dad up at 4am" and "calling the babysitter to watch Daughter when Son was coming" and "Grandma was scheduled to arrive the next day to help, you couldn't have stayed put another 36 hours, you little Early Bird?" kinds of things. The kids were vastly amused by the fact they both started the proceedings at 4am but that my son took twelve hours less to be born than my daughter, which I summarized as "my body got better at it the second time." We were mostly focused on the fact that babies are rarely born on their actual due dates, because that's just an estimate by the doctor; if someone were to somehow show an unborn baby a calendar and say "See here, you're expected to put in an appearance on April 23rd," (why does this person have a posh British accent in my head?) the baby wouldn't know or care what April was. So out-of-town family can't exactly pre-schedule a visit for the day after the birth (especially if the visiting family would need to fly). This came up because we were discussing when their uncle gave my son the nickname that said uncle still uses; it wasn't "when he first saw you," because Uncle wasn't in town that week, it was "when he heard what we named you, the day after you were born."

(5) Why English-speakers call cow meat "beef" but chicken meat "chicken;" the answer involves the Norman conquest, loan words, and classism.

If you're curious about topics 1, 2, or 5, let me know. 3 will be expanded on soon.

[clotpolesonly]

y'all i am straight up not having a good time today

go forth if you're at all interested in my stress meltdown

i'm in the process of attempting to buy the house i've been renting. the owners want to sell it, but no one wants to buy to rent, they all want to buy and reside, which would require kicking us out, so they took it off the market to offer it to us first. the realtor seemed to be of the opinion that we were in a zone for a certain kind of loan that would make it feasible, but we're not apparently, so we're talking to a lender to figure out what types of loan we do qualify for, trying to figure out if this is a feasible course of action.

1) our lease is up in a month so if we don't succeed in buying the house, we will simply be homeless i guess, cuz it's pretty much impossible for us to find another place to live, secure it, and move into it in the space of 30 days. we are working on a time limit and, as of right now, we have no safety net or backup plan.

2) professionals really overestimate how much normies know about their field because i don't understand 80% of what the lender we're talking to says. i can't even formulate questions to ask, that's how little i understand the topic at hand. i need someone to explain this shit to me like i am 5 years old, especially because it's all theoretical and percentages and estimates and nothing actually TANGIBLE or with a concrete fucking number attached to it. can i afford this?? i don't fucking know, i can't tell, and i don't understand the process enough to even know what to ask for clarification on, i'm just completely lost.

3) all of this is being done in my name and with my money, but my big sister (whomst i live with) is the one who usually does the adulty adult stuff. but she's been having an awful fucking time starting a new job, to the point of an absolute meltdown last week, so i was determined to handle this myself. it's my money, it's gonna be my house, i should not be making her make the phone calls for me, that's stupid. i'm a grown ass adult, i should be able to make phone calls.

and i did! the first few, at least. i've made several calls in the last few days, despite hating phone calls, and i talked to professionals about grown up things and filled out paperwork and found necessary documentation and everything. i didn't even procrastinate on any of it!! i was doing so well!!!

then i found out we're not zoned for the loan the realtor said we were. and the lender started talking about a different one with more fees and more terms i didn't understand. and i already felt like i was just the worst person in the family to be having these conversations cuz my auditory processing is not fantastic and my short-term memory and retention are bad and i can't listen and take notes at the same time and i get overwhelmed and shut down easily

aaaand that's exactly what i did 🙃 go figure.

so my sister (whose work stress was significantly alleviated litchrally like 2 hours ago) has now stepped in to take over while i have my own stress meltdown, and that's only making the meltdown worse cuz now i'm MAD at myself. i was determined to do this myself. the mom friend anxiety override kicked in while my sister was so overloaded, and it carried me through the whole week, and now i'm crashing and i'm crying in my office at work and i feel like shit cuz i couldn't handle it like i said i would. i said i wouldn't make her handle this for me, and i failed, and she's having to do it anyway, and i wanna go HOME but i can't cuz i'm at work and i have to cover phones for the receptionist while she's at lunch and i really hope nobody calls until i stop fucking crying alkdfjghakf

[tuliptiger]

A vent post

I am exhausted in this week of weeks. Im exhausted of being alive and living in this world. Bone deep, and tired. 27 years old and I'm so, so weary.

I don't understand how people can live freely and unburdened, or in the very least they've figured out how to move forward and dream and build their lives. I don't feel like I can dream, I'm tired of my privilege and that's a privilege in of itself. I'm poor, I'm alone ie I support myself and I'm there for myself, I'm in a transition life period right now and it's nightmarish.

I still enjoy thing from time to time, I still have my pets at my moms when I visit I only dream of one day having back at my house that isn't built but has been in construction for a year and a half now. I try to eat healthy but still enjoy the foods I like, I'm heavier than I've ever been. Unemployment still isn't figured out but looks hopeful, hopeful enough to believe it resolved this or next week.

I think I'll be fine in the long run but I can't enjoy what I have knowing others have less because in all of these personal life issues and challenges and joys there is still a war we're complicit in. There are still horrific famines and struggles and I cannot take on the world's burdens but. As an American I'm tied to it and there is only so much I can do.

I don't want to give up my life. Some don't have a choice I feel bad about that but I can't give up my life, for the last couple years of my life I've finally relearned how to like living and regained the want to live again. Guilt does nobody any good especially in this instance, I know I know I know it's a white American privilege to even get to feel this way but I don't know what to do about it within my power.

I can't not feel bad about it but I don't know how to make it not crippling. I cannot enjoy my life knowing these atrocities are happening I don't know how. Is it ok to enjoy my life? Why do I need someone to tell me that. I grew up poor, I lived poor, I am poor but I'm building a house with all of my willpower and money I possess I don't think I have a bad job $42,000 a year (if I get to work the full year) I don't think is bad I can live this way I am living this way and I don't desire more other than to cover the house costs.

I feel privileged to have a car, to get a loan and go into debt and to be able to, as hard fought and disaster ridden this house buying/building process has been I FEEL the privilege but it feels like a lead anchor and not a joy. There is no joy in any of this the only thing I truly feel grateful for is my car.

How can I be building a house when thousands and hundreds of thousands have lost theirs over and over again how can I complain about loans and debt and prices. I deserve a house too but I don't feel like it right now even if it isn't helpful. We all deserve housing, I am not excluded but I just. I don't, I can't feel any different man.

This will never be over in my lifetime, the Palestinian struggle will end eventually it must. They will be free they will be safe I have to believe but American horrors and involvement in all of the worst parts of the world will never end in my life. People will give their lives to try and slow it and mitigate it but I don't see America changing without a full blown internal war. And I can't cope with the loss of life, the loss of these modern day current heroes protesting and dying and losing parts of their lives for what?

Americas puppet, americas arms, americas power and money and profit. For what for what for what for what for what I can't understand it at all. I don't have the power, the money or the people to help. I just reblog posts, share info, keep my support unwavering and beliefs firm but I'm not doing anything of importance. I'm not showing up, I'm not donating I'm not doing anything of value whatsoever I'm just chattering. I'm scared when I don't have a right to be.

People with american flags and guns, firm beliefs of sexism, racism, who regularly say they wouldn't mind killing minorities and women and anyone not in their approved people list. People who the people in power would throw away and kill readily for the hell of it willing to kill others for nothing. I am scared to face them I am not going to lie. It's terrifying knowing people that are dangerous, stupid and blind are on the other side waiting for an excuse.

I don't control any fate or events in the future. I can't see this getting any better, I've felt it in my bones since COVID but we're on the track of it getting worse, and worse before it gets better. And man rock bottom feels like a long, long way away from here. Sorry for the tone of this entire thing but, I've not been feeling good lately. And I don't know what to do about it.

[2af-afterdark]

HC of these the demon MLs (the current ones)

How would each of them fall in love with us

Is it a slowburn romance or falls quickly?

Which would take the longest to confess👀?

I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS ONE

I am expanding on your idea a little, but I am sticking to the kings and maybe a few others because... there are just too many for me to cover all at once (also bonus Gabriel because I am an angel simp).

Mammon is taken instantaneously. He needs to know everything about you right now. Everything in the world is his, but he can loan his possession to you if it will prove how serious he is. That man will adore dressing you up and making you shine like the jewel of hell. His precious jewel. 💎

Satan... well, it ain't love when it starts, but it is definitely intimate. He wants your body. Sex and love are different things. You're in hell. He wants to fuck. Get the picture? It turns to love slowly. He probably realizes he's in love around the time he finds himself wondering if you're okay or enjoying yourself when he spanks you or does anything too sadistic for the average human. Except he's also probably a little in denial because it was just supposed to be sex and nothing more. He does not want it to be anything more. Too bad, Satan.

Beelzebub is after the thrill of doing it with Solomon's descendant. It isn't that deep. He wants to fuck once just to say he did it. Then he gets to know you and starts thinking how much he wants to journey across hell with you by his side. After that, he is trying to do cute things like hold hands and cuddle and carry you around like you're precious... also bang like rabbits.

Leviathan (as much as I wish he was falling head over heels immediately) would be a slow burn king. He's envious of every single person in the world, including you. He would be so blinded by his jealousy that he couldn't fall for you in any way. Well, not until he finds himself getting hard over his own turbulent emotions. It's still a slow burn after that, but he's more open to being a little cutie pie who really needs to get pegged while being told how pretty he is so he can get over his jealousy.

Astaroth he looks like he doesn't give two shits about you. He stares at you so expressionlessly that it it's easy to think he hates you. The truth is he fell for you at first sight and is wondering how he can corrupt you over and over again until you're as bad as any devil. His face will never express how deeply this man wants you, but his actions certainly will. And, yea, you are allowed to pet the danger noodle. Extra benefits.

Bael has you working for him. He has no time to deal with any other emotions. He has a kingdom to run and you are nothing more than another person under a false king. He'll come around if you share his burdens and let him be Bael rather than a second Beelzebub.

Amon is as flighty as his king with aspirations to take his position (if he wasn't so afraid that Beelzebub would find out and ruin his life). He falls for a partner in crime almost immediately, especially one who could upset the balance of everything in his favor. He would give you the very world without having to even ask.

Paimon falls fast and hard. Well, he falls in a superficial sense. He sees you for the first time and decides you are adorable and would look great hanging off his arm; an accessory. It isn't until he spends more time with you and gets to really know you that he falls for real. He will be damned (hehe) before he let's you figure out he was playing you at first.

Gabriel has a whole enemies to lovers trope going on. It is the slowest burn in the history of the universe, until the day he realizes he's fallen and there is no going back. After that, it's impossible not to tell he's in love. He does not hide it well (or at all).

Minhyeok is already head over heels with all of you. He's been your friend since childhood and has had a lot of time to come to terms with his feelings. Man texts you to wipe the chair, but he only does that to let you know he knows your horny in his house. Very conniving way to make you think about him while you're touching yourself~

[clonerightsagenda]

Heya! I’ve worked circulation in my college library for about three years now, and am thinking of going for an mls or mlis—you seem to have a non-public facing job with time for podcasts and writing (which I would really appreciate), would u mind talking about what you specialized in at grad school? Or other advice (sorry for anon, don’t have a tumblr but remembered u from the homestuck rewrite). I’m an english makor and don’t have a lot of experience with texh, but would be willing to learn.

Hi! You remember me from my TLC days, huh? Welcome back.

First, I must admit I work an entirely public-facing job. I listen to podcasts while doing chores at home because otherwise I'd be forced to be alone with my thoughts. However, there are plenty of less-public facing jobs in LIS! Those could include:

Technical services - think cataloging, ILL, database/electronic resource management. If you're very detail oriented and love splitting hairs, cataloging may be for you. E-resource management is big right now, although it involves as much communicating with vendors as tech skills. (I spent two weeks trying to get ahold of ProQuest this semester...while trying to pay them, no less.) Depending on the posting, you may not need an MLIS for some of these positions.

Remote librarian - You'll see a lot of remote reference gigs, but these are often part time. A few are full time, though, so if you don't mind doing live chat or virtual help, that's a good option! I dream of being a FT remote librarian tbh. Most of the FT jobs I see are for special libraries - hospitals, legal firms, businesses - where most of your job would be managing company knowledge bases and providing information upon request.

Archives & museums - While these jobs still require work with the public, you'll often spend more time behind the scenes processing materials.

UX librarian or systems librarian - Much more tech focused. Think interfaces, web design, forcing all your different products to play nice with the link resolver, etc.

I didn't have a firm specialty in grad school - I took two courses in our archival concentration as it was getting established but graduated before the third one. I did angle toward academic over public librarianship and made sure to take a class on pedagogy. My overall tips regarding getting an MLIS are:

See if your job will pay for it. Sometimes they will! Grad school isn't cheap and librarians don't make loads so you don't want to take out loans if you don't have to. If you *do*, librarians qualify for the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program but that's a mess rn.

Keep a library job while taking classes if possible. Tbh I learned way more on the job than in class. Library school helps steep you in professional theory and values, but it doesn't always give you many hard skills.

Acquire hard skills if you can. Take classes that let you do practical projects. If there's *any* possibility you might take a job in academia or public librarianship where you'll be teaching classes, giving workshops, etc., I highly encourage you to take a pedagogy class. It's good to learn a bit about teaching and get over your jitters about presenting to a crowd.

Get comfortable with tech; no way around that one. If you're not having to master new tech to do your job you're going to be helping patrons figure out *their* technology. You don't have to be a whiz - I could never get the hang of programming and don't know much about command lines - but be ready to roll up your sleeves and try troubleshooting. Googling 'how do I do xyz' is, shockingly, not a universal skill and will get you far. I have become a master of weird workarounds because none of the tech at my college works.

When writing personal statements to get into a library school program, do not lead with how much you like to read. That's not what librarians do. Librarianship is a service profession - think helping people, solving problems, being flexible, etc. All key characteristics you should highlight in applications for programs and for jobs. Having past customer service experience will help you too.

If you can get an assistantship that will cover program costs while giving you experience, go for it. My assistantship was hands down the most informative part of my library school experience *and* I don't have student loans.

That's what comes to mind right away, but feel free to ask me follow up questions about anything you're curious about!

[the-light-of-stars]

talk about your conlang plz i am looking

hell yea !

alright so I don't have my own conlang, however I have been thinking about how I'd approach making one so here is what I would do and hopefully that can help anyone that sees this and wants to make their own language too:

[explanation under the cut]

ok so preliminary:

1.: Before starting to make your own conlang I think it is important to have already figured out at least part of your general world building. you could ofc also start your worldbuilding with the conlang but personally I think that makes it more complicated since languages are directly influenced by things like the culture they developed in, the societal needs of their speakers, biological prerequisites (like what sounds the speakers can make, which is important if you have different species speaking) and relationship to other languages. for example what words a language has depends on what needs their speakers have and under which circumstances they live. a populace in a medieval fantasy setting might not need a word for airplane or electricity, and a populace that lives in an ocean might not have a word for precipitation like rain since they would never witness it (if we assume they don't live anywhere near the surface). similarly languages will also be influenced by the languages around them, so the ocean people might not have had a word for rain originally but after decades of trading with land-living people they have integrated a loan word for rain from the land language into their own.

2: which means: be aware of Loan Words. cultures are not monoliths but rather tend to have fluctuating borders to other cultures. neighboring cultures - even if they are mostly distinct (usually neighboring cultures will have noticable overlap though) - tend to share bits and pieces with eachother. this might be due to immigration or other types of cultural exchange like trade or tourism, due to marriages between people from both (or more) cultures, or just because people from city A saw a cool thing in city B and wanted to do their own version of it (the latter can be a matter of cultural appropriation - keep in mind that cultures and their languages can also be influenced and altered by that or other issues like colonization. if there ever has been a war in your worldbuilding there will have been effects on the cultures involved). either way though, because of this it is highly likely that the languages of your world (and there probably will be multiple, with multiple dialect versions of themselves) will take loan words from eachother or otherwise develop their own versions of words from other languages.

Ok now to the proper approach for language building that I'd do:

1.: I'd suggest starting with Phonetics. This is because imo it will be easier to figure out the phonemes (= smallest meaning differentiating particle of a language) and their rules first, and only then move on to Morphology (the part of linguistics that contains the study of the building and flexion of words) , since a) that way you are working from the ground up and b) phonetic rules are important for how words are pronounced and written so figuring that out first will make building words easier since you already have some sort of guideline.

What phones (= sounds) your language will contain depends on what sounds the speakers of that language can make - for some examples of sounds in human language here a link to a partial pronunciation chart of the IPA (international phonetic alphabet) . As is noted on that site those aren't the only sounds humans can make and they aren't always pronounced exactly like that but for the sake of examples this should suffice. And mind, if you make a language used by non-human beings they probably will have an array of other sounds they can make but humans can't.

2. If you have your phones, phonemes and phonetic rules sorted out, I'd suggest to continue with the morphological aspects of your language, specifically with word building. Morphology is the study of the smallest meaning carrying particles of a language (morphemes) . For this you also have to figure out the semantics of your language, that is how and what meanings your language assigns to its symbols, so for non-human languages you might have to consider how they experience their world and how and why they would assign meaning to morphemes etc. (this would be harder to do if you haven't done any world building yet and plan to start with your language, thus the point further up). At this point you are only building your words and coming up with phonemes and rules for them, however

3.: once you have your words and the rules for building them, you'll have to figure out the rules of their flexion - this means conjugation, etc. - and how they are applied in daily use of the language. Maybe your mermaid language has another noun case that does not exist in any human language, maybe you have talking bees in your world and their verb conjugation works with a special 'hive first person/ swarm' option.

4.: if you have done this then you'll have to figure out the overarching grammatical structure of your language. How does this language build sentences? Does it have build on sentences? Does it have only nominal phrases? Are there certain kinds of sentence build that sound stilted for native speakers of the language and if yes, which? etc

5. Lastly you might want to consider the history of your language and how it interacts with other languages in your world, wether there are dialects etc. to make sure it fits into the context of your wolrd building

I would love to explain more in depth about any of these parts (particularly about morphology, so parts 2 and 3) but I have a headache and am really tired rn so if you want me to go more in depth feel free to send an ask or a message and I'll get to that later vsbdb <3

for now I hope this helps at least a bit, I'm sure going more in depth will help a lot more but like I said. am seepy. <3

[alyjojo]

July 🍯 2024 Monthly - Pisces

Preshuffle: Either you’re having a hard time making something happen, because you like…ignore, ignore, do all of the things at once, ignore again. Impulsively doing things is not working out, you’re impatient with meh results when you give meh effort. Or you’re making decisions based on not wanting to make someone else mad for whatever reason.

Meditation: There was a song playing I’ll put at the end, and dolphins were jumping along to the beat, very peaceful and positive. They were jumping ahead of a ship 🛳️ that came into view last, and you were on deck, at the front, with your eyes closed. Smiling ☺️ 3 Wands energy for sure, you’re definitely going somewhere. Or you hope to.

Main energy: 6 Pentacles

Wheel of Fortune rev at the bottom shows a difficult cycle with whatever you’ve gone through, and you could need financial help in some way. The Emperor and Empress are both here, they feel like parents, or grandparents. You could need to ask for some kind of loan but don’t know how, some of you want to travel and need to ask for something they have. Like a cabin. For others I’m getting this is business and having a hard time getting something started (which is the song I keep hearing.) 😆

What’s going on in July:

The Star:

You have a dream, a vision, a purpose, it’s in your mind and you can see it in front of you. It feels like something you’re meant to do, or you’ve always wanted to. You just don’t know how to manifest it into reality. Maybe you’ve tried before, there’s a message about needing more capital for a start-up, or to make changes and help something to grow. Having to take control of the wheel to make it grow. Lead, be the boss. Some of you just dream of getting away for a while, maybe seeing the world, could be visiting parents in the first place if you live away from them…but you’re stressed tf out over money. Or the opportunity hadn’t presented itself, because you’ve been passive? Or rejected, something has failed before and you’re terrified it’s going to fail again. Some healing may need to be done regarding a difficult cycle you’ve gone through, maybe with parents, or however this applies. 9 Swords is painful mental anguish, so you’ve been really stressed over whatever this is. New Day with the meditation looks promising, and The Star can show healing ❤️‍🩹

Ace of Pentacles:

The inner conflict is real with you. Could be actual conflict especially if parents are involved, especially if you’ve been someone that borrows money a lot and they’ve already cut you off before. Or maybe you’ve just had a conflict with them and have been disconnected since, now you’re needing help or a favor and don’t know how to approach them - because you don’t otherwise. Or haven’t. If this has been a business venture there could’ve been other people involved that you’ve had it out with and now you’re left holding the bag. Something has failed due to other people disconnecting, and you’re trying to figure out how to hold onto this dream, whatever it is. What to change or how to maneuver differently, and with King of Swords rev you have no idea how to make that happen so, it looks like you’re going to other people.

King of Swords rev:

You could’ve dealt with a real asshole at work that put you into this situation, where you’re not able to be reliable or put a lot of effort into the areas you need to due to mind games and bs, someone out to achieve their own ends, could be a boss. Or a spouse. They make plans and break plans, give you a bunch of excuses, you can’t rely on this person *and yet* they act like the smartest person in the room, throwing their intellectual weight around and being condescending like their way is best. You may not have a choice if this is your boss. Or you haven’t. Hours could be posted on a schedule one way and then they yank your chain all week long so that you can’t actually schedule anything or progress. That may be the connection that’s been severed, because the meditation is moving somewhere positive. It’s a new day 🙏 Or that’s the goal?

If that’s not your story then you just don’t know what to do about something you’re trying to start, or grow. This row would mirror the preshuffle where you’re impatient with how things aren’t progressing but/and you don’t really apply yourself or don’t know how to. Like where to even start. Where work is concerned it’s like you have no support, and more opposition if anything. You don’t know how to move forward.

The Emperor:

Could be a father figure, spouse, partner, boss, someone you see as 10 Cups. Or it could be that but there’s always some spontaneous or unreliable action that spills Ace of Cups onto the ground, every time you try to have a new beginning in whatever way, it’s like this person causes issues or roadblocks with their bs to where you can’t. At the bottom of the deck is gaining perspective on manipulation tactics, separation, game playing, and how someone is in your way. Or if a parent they could see you that way, like you’re trying to trick them into some scheme. Mind games are definitely a thing here, whether it’s them or you idk, but it looks like you’re trying here, and it’s reciprocated…for a minute. Till the next bs happens. But that could be due to them or you I’m not sure whose perspective I’m getting here. Unreliable & tricky mindfk energy, either from someone in charge or that’s how they’re seeing you.

The Empress:

This person isn’t holding back from showing love and kindness, healing, moving forward. If this is a parent or grandparent, a marriage even, then the masculine is kind of a dick and the feminine is the one that doesn’t even hesitate, they want to heal the connection as much as you do. If you do. They’re focused on 10 Pentacles, family, work, legacies 💯 If this is work then this is probably your energy, trying to make things right to make things grow how they’re supposed to, leading things in the right direction for some other outside person to fk up or distort with mindgames and a lack of consistency or reliability. If you’re in partnership with someone business-wise, that probably needs to end. If you’re the one others can’t rely on, you can’t expect spontaneous action or help because people feel duped. Or you do. 6 Pentacles is mutual give and take, mutual being the key word. So if you’re giving and someone else is just fking it up - they gotta go, get out of your way, they’re blocking your progress. If someone else is always giving to you and you’re in and out, unreliable, breaking plans and not showing up or w/e, not putting in effort - they may have cut you off already, and if so this is why. This reading is all over the place.

Advice: You have to take consistent action where things have failed in your life. Knight of Pentacles & King of Pentacles, heavy earth energy, is either someone you’ve got to let go of because it’s not working out, or you need to become this person. Slow, plodding, consistent effort every single day. The sort of person that lives by schedules and sticks to them, obsesses over them even - Virgo energy. A boss, leader, person that runs the show, the most reliable one of all. If you don’t have that then you need to become that. If you’re running a business or trying to then it’s on your shoulders to make it happen, put in the work, even the boring stuff. Or if you’re trying to heal a relationship with family or something, then this is about humility and admitting your failures while also proving how far you’ve come. Acting mature & sensible about it. Or expecting that from someone else. Growth needs to either be seen or worked for, something needs to be earned.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Taurus, Aquarius, Virgo, Libra & Pisces

Oracle: ✨

11 New Day ☀️

A new day enables us to see in a brand new light. As can see more clearly once the shadows of fear and doubt are cleared away by the light of creation. Once the initial shock of discovering the duality in a situation has worn off, you can find comfort that there truly is no bad or good. It just is. When this is realized, the possibilities for the outcome of a situation become endless. This card also advises to wait. Everything regarding this situation has yet to unfold.

Memory 🖼️

Remembrance - Commemoration - Reunion

Adventure 🏔️

Explorer - Passion - Travel

We enter into July as:

Rhonda Rhino of Amethyst 🦏:

“The road to divinity is paved in forgiveness.”

The true essence of Rhonda is that her dreams came true because she never harbored resentment, this card is about forgiveness. Because she didn’t take her mother’s suffering personally, she didn’t have to work it out. There is a lightness to staying reasonably detached from another’s anger & pain. We only need to forgive ourselves if we have judged others. Rhonda focuses on what her dream is, not what others have done to her, she is the essence of goodness and forgiveness, nothing changed that about her.

What is to be learned in July:

Royal Purple Brick 🧱

“She resists what she clings to.”

The fear of stepping out, of being abused, has grown so great that you no longer need a wall of fear to prevent you from living - a simple brick will do. Which of course symbolizes that what frightens you is much smaller than you imagine. What we resist, we cannot heal. Royal Purple Brick appears when we are resisting something, and may indicate a loss of faith. This is a sign of fear holding you back in some way and preventing you from moving forward. If you are experiencing pain, holding on tighter will only worsen the situation. Fear may also indicate you’re trying to save yourself from a path that will not serve you! Are you following your true passion? Is it divinely guided?

This can also indicate presently using your energy in a self-defeating way. Use your courage to let go of control and allow Spirit to come in and heal you. The promise of Royal Purple Brick is freedom after surrender. In letting go you may feel some discomfort, but you’ll also allow healing in. The fear of something is always greater than the actual event. This time period will be a life changing experience for you. Accept mystery. Release the brick and be free.

Purple may be a lucky color 💜

[xoteajays]

Good things do happen for Gun-woo and Woo-jin, there are always so many people who care for them. And will always protect these boys.

I'm happy they each made a real friend that they care about. But I will have to side with Jin on this one, I enjoy sleeping. Because I just don't care how close we are as friends, no one should wake me up from my slumber. I like to sleep in. But I'm also so happy they're brothers now.

Gun really made a real friend for the first time in his life, and Jin made a real friend who he can trust for the first time in his life (who isn't the criminals he's normally with). I'm so happy that they're a happy family too. Because my babies deserve to be happy. Especially those two.

If I did write a story the Bloodhounds fandom, even wrote any stories with those to men as face claims.. Anything with them. It's entirely an indulgent reason. So completely self indulgent for me. So that's why.

There's rarely any stories for the Bloodhounds fandom. Not surprising either, because apparently most fandoms I enjoy rarely have stories.

We can revisit this topic after you've watched more of the show since I don't want to spoil anything about the plot, or the characters, or any other details I haven't thought of yet. So I can't say much about this.

But... One thing I'm curious about. I'm not trying to make this political either. But I'm curious on how difficulty the story might have been for the show if they didn't include the pandemic into the plot. At the very same time, that also adds to the realism that loan sharks enjoy taking advantage over desperate people who need money like Woo-jin said.

So that was a thought that I keep having about the show.

~

Remember how we said that we hate the romance genre? Well.. Since Sang-yi's in a romance series. I'm tempted to watch because of him.

~

Because Gunwoo's personality is similar to Orange's. Like when I have created her character, that was the personality that I really envisioned for her. Basically the stereotypical feeling type personalities anyway.

Maybe I should send a video of Gon's dark side? I don't know.

~

That's what I thought. Since the Hyuga family, Kato, and whoever any one else who's with them was a part of Kuryu. So I did imagine Hyuga owning these businesses were more on the illegal side. Especially just because Asian countries have difficult rules about gambling than us. I don't know about Australia, but different rules compared to the West.

Maybe? I don't know. I can't confirm or deny that claim. I do know the women were wearing kimonos but I don't know if that was more of an aesthetic reason to the theme of the building, or if they may have just been adult entertainers like geishas and oirans. So I can't really say.

Ryuko was originally a hired assassin. At least someone who was also working hard to be an assassin by her father, his men, and whoever in the Kuryu who trained her to fight. Not that that would an occupation though. Well.. It could be. But not a typical occupation for her though.

Nameless City people, the Rude Boys, there are rarely any jobs that is gonna hire people like them to work. Obviously there would be lots of secret mineral mines that they've worked in before. Do you know a lot of other jobs they could have besides the mines? Because I'm stuck.

Hiroto's another complicated character... Since I've watched Red Rain two more times before the movie was removed. Masaki was really the brother complaining that men and women can't be friends not Hiroto. Since we were talking about that before. But, despite his appearance though, Hiroto's a caring person in his own way towards other people.

Cobra did have a conversation with the Amamiya brothers with some smile - smirk? - on his face. Cobra should've been friends with them.

Why are there so many attractive men in this franchise?! Ever since it was decided I wanted to write for H&L.. I could figure out which ships I'd want to write because there are just so many of these characters.

Meadows, high buildings, secret spaces that not many people would know of. But that's all I could think of for Rude Boys. So there's not so many ideas. Maybe that's why I always had problems trying to create a character for Rude Boys? Because I have difficult times figuring any of these characters, besides a few of them anyway. I don't know.

Oh my god! Imagine if Rocky's girlfriend is a messy eater so she really has to learn to be more lady like when they're in restaurants. Oh! You.. Okay. So I never you, it was someone else. But yes. Rocky helping his partner bathe, rubbing lotion on their skin, dressing them up with the clothes and jewelry he bought - not in any sexual ways - would be his own way of caring for his partner. Like love through his actions, when he is verbally saying his affections than he's doing these affections.

Bonus if Rocky is willing to buy costume clothing and jewelry for very short women. Because it's always difficult to find sizes that fit them. I might be projecting this one. But still. I'd never have sizes that fit me.

How hasn't Rocky died from a heart attack yet? This man has seen so many women fight, yet he still almost collapses every time they fight.

I think Rocky would only like Hinami because she never gives him this hard time like the other girls do. It's his fault for caring about women.

Rocky might even be like Kaito's brother. Since Rocky would probably consider Kaito as his brother, like Kizzy's his sister. But. Kaito's always siding with Kizzy. Doesn't matter if she's right or wrong, Kaito's siding with her all the time in a silent way. Especially against Koo. Poor Koo.

Between Rocky and Koo, I don't know actually who would truly needs a vacation more. Because they can't take a vacation at the same time. If that happened, the businesses would be in ruins because of anyone else in Rascals. They would have to have their vacations in rotations.

watched episode 3 last and i loved the scene after the spicy pork shop got destroyed, where woo jin goes in for the hug with gun woo and hyeon ju but gun woo is the only one to actually hug him. he just immediately moves in! he’d never reject a woo jin hug! they’re so cute!!!!

also the mr choi backstory was cool. he was such a badass. i have no idea how he survived getting thrown out that window, but rich men make do i suppose.

also i’m still so annoyed by hyeon ju because after her whole backstory (serious medical condition resolved, dead parents, orphan, taken in by someone cool, has a bit of an attitude) is EXACTLY the kind of oc i’d make for a show like this and a canon character that i’d like. gdi why did her actress have to do something so stupid?!!?

pretty much everything i write is self indulgent. if i post it online, i treat it as ‘this is for me, but i’m sharing it with you’.

70 fics on ao3 for a show with two extremely attractive main - and not mention male - leads is So Little. literally nuts. i’ve seen more fics for solo movies with tiny fanbases.

~

i don’t hate romance genre stuff. but i do think it’s boring if there’s nothing else going on. like i tried to watch coffee and vanilla for dori sakurada but it was. completely insufferable. i couldn’t do more than like 1 episode. but then again i watched all of color rush and cherry magic. but again again, it’s taking me forever to get through coffee prince and tale of the nine tailed and what’s wrong with secretary kim.

so i guess i can watch romance if it’s gay and then puddle through it if it’s m/f ahshdkdl

if we’re talking about ‘my demon’ tho. i might be interested. it looks like it’s got a thriller aspect to it (or is at least tagged as such on dramalist).

~

pretty sure daruma is the most likely to bend in towards the illegal side of things. i dont think they care much about following the law. hyuga’s already been in prison once.

i don’t know much about australia’s gambling laws. but there’s a lot of gambling app ads around and there’s slot machines (we call em the ‘pokies’) in a lot of restaurants. so it’s pretty common in australia.

they need to put more details on the h&l wikis. i need the deets! but yea, idk. i’d need to see them again and rewatch the scenes. that’s just something i read in a fic.

i dont think ryuko would go back into that life. i think she’d maybe do a lot of jobs to find out what she likes, or maybe go back to school to study something. not sure.

i’m not sure about nameless either. i don’t think anyone outside of rude territory would hire them long term, but maybe they’d do a lot of odd jobs. if it comes to the actual rude members, maybe they’d be able to do delivery jobs because they’re fast.

hiroto is complicated. he’s just a very hot, mostly quiet, caring guy. has a lil bit of an attitude (snippy with masaki, frustrated about aika putting the seat on his bike). he’s clearly the more serious one of the brothers.

agree that cobra should have eventually been friends with the amamiyas after everything settled down. but i also think because cobra’s actor and hiroto’s actor are pretty close friends, they were probably messing around behind the scenes. like when you’re trying to do a speech at school but your bestie is right there making you laugh.

they’re all so hot! and there’s almost no hiroto content as far as i’ve seen! like okay i understand not having a lot of takeshi content, but nothing for hiroto? look at him!!! everyone go watch some jsb + solo omi music videos and catch some attraction to hiroto! also go watch some generations vids. for reo.

rocky likes to pamper. i know you said not sexually, but consider: rocky buying his gf lingerie that’s in her style. but yes, just. massaging lotion in for her, zipping up dresses, gifting her jewellery and putting it on her. he’s got a quality time/physical touch love language.

he’s so stressed. if we’re ranking who’s giving him the most trouble to who’s giving him the least it’s: kizzy, yui, shizuka, ryuko, hinami, naomi.

hinami is his fav because she’s nice and also she’s usually in the background of fights (because she’s ranged defence with her slingshot), and out of danger for the most part.

kaito’s only here for kizzy. he’s just following around his wife wherever she goes because he loves her. ‘my wife can do whatever she wants actually’ - kaito, probably.

ohgod they could absolutely not leave for vacation at the same time. they obviously can’t leave kizzy in charge, but leaving kaito in charge would mean that actually kizzy’s in charge. and the smg boys are all lil babies. they probably have a calendar so they don’t double book stuff (tho koo would probably give up his own vacation if he and rocky accidentally booked something on the same day).

[traegics]

She knew the weight that Abel held on his shoulders, the way he had tried to shield them from the reality of who their father was but she wasn't a child anymore. She wasn't even a child then, when her mother died and their father had fallen off the rails. She hadn't needed protection because she already understood the reality of it, they were on their, left to fend for themselves as if they weren't just kids. There had never been a moment in their lives where she hadn't been grateful for her brother, loved him endlessly because he had done his very best to step up to the plate and take care of them but it never should've been his responsibility in the first place.

She scoffs sharply, shaking her head as she remains firm where she stood, arms still crossed over her chest as if shielding herself. From what, she wasn't entirely sure. "Don't say what exactly," Oaklee questions. "Did you not just up and leave us? For an entire fucking year. It wasn't just my graduation that you missed. You missed Bryson's high school graduation too. You're the closest thing to a father figure that she's had since she was 11. I could understand not being there for mine but for hers? And that's all you give us, that you couldn't come back. You won't even give us a good reason for why and you expect us to not be upset about it."

Brows furrowed at his instance that he wasn't keeping secrets, arms falling to her side as her digits curled into her palms in an attempt at keeping her temper in check. "You are keeping secrets, Abel," she retorted harshly, voice rising. "You told us where you were, who you were with, but not what you were doing, not why you couldn't come back and visit us just one time in the past year. How is that not keeping secrets? Please enlighten me." Then the words flee his lips, cutting sharply through a guarded heart and causing for her lips to part, a pained expression making it's way across her features. Her lower lip is pulled between her teeth, chewing at the skin to fight back tears that burned at the back of chocolate hues before all too soon her brows are creasing and hands are rising, palms immediately meeting his chest and shoving him backwards. "I never said it was all about me, asshole," the hybrid snapped, the tears stinging and blurring her vision. "I've never made it out to be. I don't ask because you don't tell me shit anymore. Ever since you came back from the prison world you've been a completely different person and I get that you were essentially tortured in there, I get that you had a hard time dealing with that, and I didn't say a fucking thing about you leaving then because I knew that you needed it, Jesse told me about what happened in there and you- you've done nothing but push me away." Another shove is given, not intent on harming him but far to hurt by his accusations to have any ounce of control left within her. "I don't know what I struggle is," the blonde scoffs, digits balled at her side, nails piercing skin as she shook her head and glowered at her older brother as tears soaked her features, mask pulled off and discarded in one motion. "I've never asked for a god damn thing. I worked my ass to put myself through college, to pay my bills, to help Theo support our sisters. I got a loan to pay for my studio, I'm working double time between there and Second Life just to get by on my own. I am living the same fucking nightmare as you, I was abandoned by dad too. Don't you ever act like I've never had to struggle just to survive, you know the difference between you and I is? What the difference between me and dad is? I don't fucking run from my problems, Abel. If I didn't give a shit about you then I wouldn't have spent the last year worrying about you, I wouldn't have been beside myself when you were in the prison world not once but twice. Screw you, for even insinuating that I don't know what it is to struggle or that I don't care about anyone but myself. You aren't the only one in this family that has suffered. Don't pretend like you are just to make yourself feel better."

Abel had spent his entire life defending their father; trying to create and preserve a decent image of the man that he believed Tobias could be. He would hold onto any shred of decency that he found, just to ensure that he wasn’t hated by his children. Abel shielded his sisters wherever possible, doing everything within his power to protect them from the worst, to protect their mother and he never asked for a single thing in return. He had faith to a fault and that had screwed him over time and time again in his young life. He wanted to believe that things could be better – that they would be and now knowing that they wouldn’t? that was the biggest kick to the gut imaginable. Over the years, Abel did all of the hard work so their father didn’t have to and even that wasn’t enough. Nothing was ever enough for anybody. It was like everybody wanted something from him that he just couldn’t give them. And still, he tried and he tried and he failed.

Now, Abel knew that he had fucked up – that he’d let Oaklee down, but he also knew that she had her friends at her graduation, that their sisters would be there too and it was hardly as if he and Marni were travelling for fun. The coven was imploding, they were searching for Eve, for Marni– and he in turn was searching for a way to end Marni’s suffering. He couldn’t leave her and so he made a choice, he didn’t return to New Orleans to see his sister graduate.

“Don’t – don’t say that.” The blood in his veins ran cold, his stomach convulsing as his features contorted, “don’t act like I don’t care, Oak. I know that this was a huge fuckin' thing and i’m so proud of you, but I – I couldn’t come back.” Her refusal to accept his apology was agonizing, inflicting a deep wound that he feared might never heal and adrenaline began to surge through his frame as his fingers trembled, balling into fists. The comparison of being like their father was excruciating and it wasn't the first comparison that had been made over the course the evening. To be seen as a man he’d made excuses for, a man that he loved so deeply, he tried to fabricate a different image so that his sisters didn’t have to exist in the same kind of pain, that he lived in day in day out. And now, they needed protecting from Abel.

As the words sliced through his skin, he took a clumsy backwards, his arms falling to his sides as if he was trying to find something to grip on to. “I wasn’t – I wasn’t keeling secrets. I wasn’t.“ His heart was pounding in fiercely in his chest, every pulse point throbbing “Just wait, just fuckin' wait –” his resolve faltered, the accusations too much and the words had surged from his throat before he could stop them, “not everything in my life is about you. Not everything I do is about you. You talk about me not giving a shit, but you don’t even fuckin' ask Oaklee. You just expect. You expect me to be there for you and you throw it back in my face when I can’t be. It doesn't matter where I was or what I was doing, because you don't fuckin' ask. You wanna compare me to dad? Fine. But i'm not like you. Some of us fuckin’ struggle; but you wouldn’t know, right? Because you’re the one who doesn’t give a shit if it doesn’t involve you." A trembling breath forced its way from his lungs, his anguish doing all the talking; already regretting the words. "Maybe I am like dad, but guess what – the apple really don’t fall far from the fuckin’ tree for you either.”   

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Father of Mine – 1/2

Character: Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Summary: With the tragic passing of her mother, Y/N learns to the truth of who her father is. 

Word Count: 4,000+

Warnings: Family death, cancer, absent father, cremation 

A/N: The reader is described as tall in this fic. Bruce Wayne is 6′2 and I’m tall, so I’m indulging myself with no apologies. Read it or don’t. 

“Do you want to say anything before we…” the operator asked her.

“No,” Y/N answered quickly.

“Oh, my assistant forgot to give you this,” the operator gave her a shy smile as he handed her a small cardboard box.

She opened it to find all of her mother’s jewelry that had been on her body at the funeral.

“Thank you,” Y/N told him.

“Ready?” The operator asked.

He had been so kind throughout the whole process. It was obvious he was used to people breaking down and being extremely emotional. 

But Y/N had been stoic, almost concerningly so. 

Though he wasn’t one to judge. Everyone grieved differently.

With the pull of a handle, Y/N watched her mother’s body going into the chamber.

“It will be a few hours,” the operator told her.

He meant it will it will take a few hours for her mother’s body to burn to ash. Then they would hand her a tacky vase with her remains.

Y/N just nodded. “I’ll go for a walk.”

As soon as she was outside, Y/N called her mother’s executor.

“Ms. Y/L/N, I was just about to call you.”

“I’m at the crematory,” she told him. “I figured we should discuss the bills that still need to be paid for.”

“Yes, of course. As I mentioned to you before, your mother’s life insurance covers quite a lot of it…” his words died out.

“But it’s still not enough,” Y/N finished for him. “I’ll get the money.”

She wasn’t exactly rich, but she also wasn’t living paycheck to paycheck. But people never realized how much money it cost for loved ones to die. It was honestly ridiculous.

“You might want to consider taking out a loan,” he tried to suggest gently.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Another thing, Ms. Y/L/N. There was an envelope with a name on it. And your mother left instructions on delivering the envelope to them.”

She stopped her pacing. 

“What name is on the envelope?” Y/N asked.

There was a pause.

“Bruce Wayne.”

Y/N’s brow furrowed.

Of course she knew who Bruce Wayne was – everyone in Gotham did, as well as most of the country. He was a billionaire playboy, only making headlines when he was a mess. But every once in awhile his philanthropy would sneak in there. Y/N always assumed those were only to help recover his image and not because he was a good person.

“You still there?” The executor asked.

“Yeah. I’m just a bit confused. But please pass it along to him, if that’s what my mom wanted.”

“I can’t. The instructions specifically say for you to deliver the envelop to him in person.”

“In person?” Y/N groaned in annoyance as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

Why did all of this have to be so god damn complicated?

“Yes. Her instructions are…oddly specific."

“Fine,” she huffed. “I’ll pick up everything from your office before the work day ends.”

——————

Y/N stared at the envelop that she’d tossed on her coffee table as she sipped a rather large glass of red wine.

She was wracking her brain trying to think of a time when her mom mentioned knowing Bruce Wayne. But Y/N would’ve remembered her mom saying his name – even in passing. It’s not a name that one can drop casually.

Y/N pulled up her phone and googled him. But she looked at his history. Yes, he was from Gotham, as was her mom, but so were 10 million other people.

But then Y/N’s scrolling paused when she realized they went to the same high school: Gotham Academy. Not only that, they graduated in the same year.

‘Were they friends?’ Y/N wondered.

But just classmates or friends still didn’t seem to warrant a handwritten letter to be delivered after one’s death.

Y/N didn’t open the envelope.

Her mother’s instructions specifically told her not to. And if she put in that much of an effort to get this done after her death, Y/N wasn’t going to ignore such a request.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t curious.

“Fuck,” Y/N sighed before throwing back the rest of her wine.

——————

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t grant you access to the building without your name being in the system by the company you’re visiting,” the building receptionist told her for the third time.

“I understand. But I called his office 30 fucking times and they refuse to put me through to him or get me an appointment,” Y/N practically growled.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I already called their office to say you were here and they didn’t recognize your name. I can’t let you through to the elevators.”

Y/N’s gaze flickered to the security guard who stood a few feet away. He was eyeing her now that there was clearly an argument going on.

Y/N wanted to roll her eyes. She had a good foot on him – even without her heels on. And he looked like he couldn’t run a 50 yard dash without passing out or vomiting. If he thought he was going to physically stop her, he had another thing coming.

“Listen, I am not some crazy fucking stalker. My mom knew Bruce Wayne and in her will she asked me to deliver this to him,” Y/N’s voice lowered and became disturbingly calm. “I don’t want to be here just as much as you don’t want to have this conversation.”

“Ma’am, I’m going to need you to calm down,” the security guard finally stepped forward.

“Oh, fuck off,” Y/N rolled her eyes at the rent-a-cop.

“Ma’am, I’ll have to ask you to leave,” he continued.

“Call me ma’am one more fucking time…” Y/N growled.

But the security guard was taking a step to her.

“Excuse me. What seems to be the problem here?” A voice suddenly interrupted.

Everyone turned to see a young man – younger than Y/N – glaring at the security guard just as he was about to grab Y/N.

“M-Mr. Drake, we were just escorting this young woman from the premises,” the guard stuttered out.

Everyone at the building knew every member of the Wayne family. But unlike his siblings, Tim Drake was at the office almost every day. As one should be when they’re the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company.

“For what reason?” Tim Drake asked.

“She insists on seeing Mr. Wayne. But she doesn’t have an appointment. For security reasons, I cannot let her through, obviously, unless the company she is visiting has put her into their system and the building’s system,” the receptionist explained nervously.

Y/N frowned as if she was bored of the whole thing.

Tim stepped forward. “May I ask what your business with Bruce Wayne is?”

Now that he was closer, Y/N noticed how exhausted he looked. He was handsome still, of course. But she wondered when he last got a good night’s sleep. He was shorter than her, probably standing at 5’5. And she still believed he was younger than her, which was wild seeing as he was already the CEO and couldn’t be older than 24.

Y/N sighed before she grabbed the envelope from her black leather satchel, and showed that Bruce Wayne’s name was handwritten on it.

“My mother wished me to personally deliver this to him.”

Tim tilted his head slightly. “Why isn’t she doing it?”

“Because she’s dead,” she shot back without emotion.

But Tim’s face became sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I should’ve assumed…”

“It’s fine,” Y/N quickly cut him off before he could continue.

She was so tired of being on the receiving end of people’s sympathy. It didn’t help. And the words stopped holding any meaning to her.

“But I’m sorry. Bruce isn’t in today. And he probably won’t be coming to the office for the rest of the week.”

“Oh,” was all she responded with.

Of course Bruce Wayne didn’t come to work. Why would he?

This was a stupid idea. And now she had made a scene because of it.

“But if you give me your information, I will personally let him know that you are trying to reach him.”

“Really?” Y/N asked in shock.

Tim smiled at her surprise. “Of course.”

“Here’s my card,” she quickly grabbed one from her wallet and then a pen. “All my info is on that.” She wrote something on the back. “And that’s my mom’s name.”

He took it from her and nodded. “What was your mother’s relationship with Bruce?”

Y/N shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve been trying to figure it out. Apparently they graduated in the same high school class. But that’s all I was able to find.”

He nodded.

“Thank you…Mr. Drake. For your help. Really,” she urged.

“Please, it’s just Tim.” Then he glared at the receptionist and security guard. “For you it is, at least.”

“Thank you again,” Y/N felt like saying it 30 more times still wouldn’t be enough.

“You don’t have to thank me. Someone will be in touch. Have a good day, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Y/N,” she corrected with a smile before she nodded and started backing away.

He smiled at her correction and gave a final nod.

——————

Y/N didn’t expect to hear from anyone for at least a week.

If the Wayne family was one thing, it was busy.

They probably had parties to go to, meetings to attend, private jets taking them around the world whenever they wished.

Why would they ever prioritize a meeting with her, a stranger?

So imagine her surprise when she received a call from an unrecognized number the same day she gave Tim Drake her card.

“Hello?” She answered.

Usually she would let any unknown number go to voicemail.

“Hello,” a British voice answered. “Am I speaking with Ms. Y/F/N Y/L/N?”

“This is she,” Y/N sat up straighter on her couch.

“This is Alfred Pennyworth. I work for Master Wayne and manage all his personal appointments. I was told by Master Tim that you wished to meet with him?”

“Uhhh. Yes. Yes, I do. Is that…is that possible?”

“Would you be able to stop by Wayne Manor on Friday afternoon?”

Y/N already knew she had nothing going on that would stop her from getting this done. But she still paused to pretend to think about it.

“Yes, Friday afternoon should be fine. Are you sure he doesn’t just want me to stop by Wayne Enterprises?”

It felt oddly intimate to stop by Wayne Manor. Wouldn’t they want to meet her in a more secure location like a corporate building with security that already hated her?

“He is quite certain. Should I send a car for you Ms. Y/L/N?”

A car?

Y/N felt even more out of her depth now.

“Oh, no. That won’t be necessary. I’ll be there.”

“I look forward to meeting you, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Thanks,” she answered before hanging up and realizing that probably wasn’t the proper response to such a polite goodbye.

——————

“I haven’t heard that name since high school,” Bruce had muttered as he stared at the business card for what felt like the thousandth time.

“Yes, and the end of your relationship did not end on the best of terms,” Alfred commented.

Y/M’s/N Y/L/N had been Bruce’s high school sweetheart.

An she had seen the last moments of Bruce’s normal life. 

Upon graduation, Bruce decided to leave Gotham and that’s how his second life was founded. The two of them broke up before the summer after graduation had even ended.

Well, “Breakup” was a strong word.

Bruce stopped answering her calls.

She was his first love and he continued to love her.

But once Bruce realized where his life was going and who he wanted to be, he knew he couldn’t drag her into it. She deserved better.

And Bruce was a coward about relationships then. Maybe he still was.

“I am certain you did a thorough background check on her already,” Alfred commented with a smirk.

Bruce took in a breath before listing off all of her accomplishments. “Y/F/N Y/L/N. Graduated number one in her class at Gotham Academy. She was the star of the track team, breaking the regional record for fastest time in 100m, 200m, and 400m races. Also captain of her soccer team. Attended NYU’s photography program before dropping out after a year. Now she’s a professional photography. Her work’s been featured in Vogue, New York Times, National Geographic…amongst others.”

“Rather an impressive woman,” Alfred said.

Bruce nodded.

“I should get the tea and coffee ready for her arrival.” And with that, Alfred left Bruce in the drawing room.

30 minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Bruce glanced down at his watch: she was right on time.

He heard Alfred saying his pleasantries before he heard the clicking of her heels as she rounded the corner to enter the room he was waiting in.

For being a famous photographer, she could’ve been a runway model with her height and the way she walked into the room, completely owning it. She wore four-inch heels, only adding to her natural tallness. And her bright, red coat only added to her presence.

For a split second, Bruce was convinced that he was looking at an Amazon. Diana immediately flashed into his mind for a split second. Perhaps that was what Y/M’s/N needed help with: to get her daughter to her real people. But how would she have known Bruce Wayne had such connections? Unless she knew Batman’s true identity…

As soon as Y/N spotted him in the room, he rose from his seat.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” Bruce greeted.

He took a step forward and held out his hand.

“You guys really love the formalities.” She said it with a dark evenness, but it was clearly a joke. “Y/N is fine, Mr. Wayne,” she added as she shook his hand.

“In that case, it’s Bruce,” he countered with a soft smirk.

There was something so familiar about her. But Bruce knew they’d never met. 

“Thank you for seeing me. I don’t want to waste anymore of your time,” Y/N quickly got to it. She opened her purse to grab the envelope.

“My mom wanted you to have this. And she wanted to make sure I was the one to give it to you,” Y/N explained as she offered it to him.

Bruce took it carefully, but didn’t open it. “Yes, I heard about her passing. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” she said hurriedly, making it obvious to Bruce that she did not want nor need his condolences.

Bruce nodded slowly.

There was a pause.

“Do you know what it says?” He asked her lightly.

She shook her head. “I wasn’t supposed to read it.”

“I see.”

“I should really be going. I have a flight to catch later tonight.” Most people that visited Wayne Manor wished to stay there forever. Or their curiosity got the best of them and their eyes took in every little detail.

But Y/N looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. And she wanted to get out as soon as she possibly could.

“Thank you again for seeing me,” she rushed out.

Without waiting for his answer, Y/N turned and started walking out of the room.

But she only got a few steps before she stopped.

Bruce watched her shoulders tense and her body move as she was clearly taking in deep breath.

Slowly, Y/N turned around to face him.

“Were you friends?”

Bruce gave her a watery smile. “She was my girlfriend in high school.”

Y/N seemed annoyed by that answer. “She never mentioned you. Not once.”

Bruce’s brow furrowed at that and his eyes zoned out as if he was revising the past in his mind. “I’m not entirely surprised. Things didn’t really end well between us.”

She nodded slowly. “Goodbye, Mr. Wayne.”

And Y/N turned and strutted out of the room without looking back.

As soon as Bruce heard her cab drive away, he ripped open the envelope and pulled out a letter.

He barely noticed that Dick had walked into the room. “May I ask…Who was the extremely attractive and tall woman that just walked out?”

But Bruce didn’t hear him as his eyes raced across the letter. His heart sped as he continued reading.

“Bruce?” Dick asked after being ignored. “Is she your next conquest or what?”

It wasn’t until Bruce was done reading the letter for the third time that he finally looked up and acknowledged Dick.

Alfred had also walked into the room, unbeknownst to Bruce.

“You OK?” Dick asked, now concerned with how silent Bruce had become.

“Master Wayne?” Alfred also urged.

“That was…my daughter,” Bruce finally muttered.

Dick blinked before his eyes grew wide in shock.

Alfred seemed less surprised, almost as if he had already put that together.

“Excuse me,” Bruce told them and exited the room.

———

Dick and Alfred must’ve warned the rest of the family not to bother Bruce in the cave. Usually he would’ve been disturbed by now.

Bruce had been at the computer for hours.

Alfred was the first person to come down, carrying a tray with dinner and tea.

The butler wasn’t surprised to find Y/N’s face all over the screens.

If Bruce had left any available information hidden before inviting Y/N to the manor, it was all out there now. Bruce knew everything about Y/F/N Y/L/N that was public knowledge – probably even some things that were not.

“You know, you did not seem all that surprised,” Bruce said to Alfred as he put the tray of food down next to him.

“Seemed rather obvious, didn’t it?”

Bruce quickly turned to look at him. “It did?”

Alfred smirked. “Her eyes,” was all he said.

“The color?”

Alfred shook his head. “As soon as she walked into the manor, they were reading me.” He tilted his head in Bruce’s direction. “Observation. Perception. Attention to detail...That is all you, Master Wayne.”

“The way she held herself,” Alfred continued, "Shoulders held back, head high, walking with purpose. No hesitation.”

“Also me?” Bruce asked.

Alfred simply nodded.  

“I don’t think she liked me very much,” Bruce sighed.

He didn’t know how he felt about that yet.

“A lot of people think you don’t like them when you first meet them,” Alfred countered. “Because I don’t trust them yet.”

Alfred raised his brows and silently ask him, ‘Don’t you see my point?’

Bruce rubbed his face and reached for the tea on the tray, ignoring all the food.

“I don’t know why you’re so entertained by this, Alfred.”

“Yes, I was entertained. I just saw a younger, female version of you, Master Wayne.”

“I abandoned her,” Bruce shot.

“You didn’t know she existed,” Alfred corrected.

“And why do you think that is?”

Alfred’s face dropped a little bit when he noticed the envelope discarded on the far end of Bruce’s desktop.

He looked down at the ground as he asked, “Might I ask what the letter said?”

Bruce glared at the letter as if touching it would burn him.

But after a moment, he grabbed it and quickly handed it to Alfred.

Bruce,

If this letter has finally reached you, it is because I have passed.

I must admit that I wrote this letter mostly in the event that I leave my daughter before she is an adult. But once Y/N turned 18, I decided to still pass this along to you.

There is no easy way to tell you this, so I will get to the point.

The young woman who delivered this letter to you is your daughter, Bruce.

Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N.

When I found out I was pregnant with her, I was only 18. We had just graduated high school. You had started traveling. You called less and less. And you grew more distant – physically and emotionally. Eventually, you stopped answering my calls altogether. I left you a voicemail, only saying that I so desperately needed to talk to you, that I needed you.

But you never called me back.

With no words at all, you made it very clear that you no longer wanted anything to do with me.

But there I was, a teenager who was pregnant with our child.

I would be lying if I said I never considered terminating my pregnancy. I was scared and you broke my heart. All I wanted to do was erase you from my life.

But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Once I decided what my future was going to be, I also decided that I did not want you to have any part in it.

I knew even if you pretended to play the doting father and the committed partner, you would grow tired of us eventually. You would resent me and our child for bringing you down. And you would brush us aside for yourself.

I realized I would rather Y/N have no father at all than one who would only disappoint her over and over again.

To this day, I truly believe I did the right thing for all three of us.

There are not enough words to explain the complicated woman that Y/N grew up to be. But I will try my best. I think I owe you that at least. 

Or maybe you have no interest.

I don’t know how she became so much like you, even when I never so much as showed her a picture of you or uttered your name.

She enjoys being alone – almost to her own detriment. I constantly catch her repressing her feelings, always staying strong for everyone else. It reminds me of you. She’s assertive and confident, never letting anything stand in the way of what she wants. Sometimes I don’t think she’s scared of anything. It worries me, just like it worried me when I thought the same of you.

I truly don’t know what you will do with this information.

But…if you have any desire to form some sort of relationship with her, then you should know this: she will not make it easy for you. She will push you away. And she might even hate you. I raised her to never need a man in her life, and she’ll make sure you know that.

I don’t expect anything from you. I never did.

But I would just like to know there might be someone who will be there for her should she need them.

Goodbye, Bruce.

Alfred slowly handed the letter back to Bruce when he was finished.

“I pushed her away because I knew what I was about to become,” Bruce explained darkly. “And I didn’t want her anywhere near it. She would’ve been in danger.”

“Y/N, as well,” Alfred added.

“But had I known…if I just listened to her–”

“Master Wayne, I thought we had agreed to never linger on the ‘what ifs.’”

That sure silenced Bruce.

“Now, what do you plan on doing, Master Wayne?”

———

Y/N frowned when her phone started vibrating and she recognized the name of her mom’s executor on her phone screen.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, how are you?”

“Fine. How are you?” She was quick, wanting to get this over with. Surely, he had bad news. Another medical bill came in or some other expense that slipped by them.

“Good, good. Just curious…have you placed any payments to our various claims?”

“Uhhh…no. But I’m working on it.”

Y/N hadn’t expected to get a call nagging about paying bills.

“No, no, no. You misunderstand. They’ve all been paid,” the executor explained.

Y/N sat up straighter in her chair. “What? That’s not possible.”

“An anonymous donor. They somehow got record of all your outstanding payments and covered all of them.”

Y/N was stunned to silence.

“Ms. Y/L/N…this is a good thing.”

She blinked and shook her head. “Right. Yes, of course. I just…thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank this guardian angel of yours.”

---------------------

Part 2

Let me know what you think!!!

[reanimatedcourier]

How to Write Indigenous Characters Without Looking like a Jackass:

Update as of December 26th, 2020: I have added a couple new sections about naming and legal terms, as well as a bit of reading on the Cherokee Princess phenomenon.

Boozhoo (hello) Fallout fandom! I'm a card-carrying Anishinaabe delivering this rough guide about writing Indigenous characters because wow, do I see a lot of shit.

Let's get something out of the way first: Fallout's portrayal of Indigenous people is racist. From a vague definition of "tribal" to the claims of them being "savage" and "uncivilized" mirror real-world stereotypes used to dehumanize us. Fallout New Vegas' narrated intro has Ron Perlman saying Mr. House "rehabilitated" tribals to create New Vegas' Three Families. You know. Rehabilitate. As if we are animals. Top it off with an erasure of Indigenous people in the American Southwest and no real tribe names, and you've got some pretty shitty representation. The absence of Native American as a race option in the GECK isn't too great, given that two Native characters are marked "Caucasian" despite being brown. Butch Deloria is a pretty well-known example of this effect. (Addendum: Indigenous people can have any mix of dominant and recessive traits, as well as present different phenotypes. What bothers me is it doesn't accommodate us or mixed people, which is another post entirely.)

As a precautionary warning: this post and the sources linked will discuss racism and genocide. There will also be discussion of multiple kinds of abuse.

Now, your best approach will be to pick a nation or tribe and research them. However, what follows will be general references.

Terms that may come up in your research include Aboriginal/Native Canadian, American Indian/Native American, Inuit, Métis, and Mestizo. The latter two refer to cultural groups created after the discovery of the so-called New World. (Addendum made September 5th, 2020: Mestizo has negative connotations and originally meant "half breed" so stick with referring to your mixed Latine and Indigenous characters as mixed Indigenous or simply by the name of their people [Maya, Nahua].)

As a note, not every mixed person is Métis or Mestizo. If you are, say, Serbian and Anishinaabe, you would be mixed, but not Métis (the big M is important here, as it refers to a specific culture). Even the most liberal definition caps off at French and British ancestry alongside Indigenous (some say Scottish and English). Mestizo works the same, since it refers to descendants of Spanish conquistadors/settlers and Indigenous people.

Trouble figuring out whose land is where? No problem, check out this map.

Drawing

Don't draw us with red skin. It's offensive and stereotypical.

Tutorial for Native Skintones

Tutorial for Mixed Native Skintones

Why Many Natives Have Long Hair (this would technically fit better under another category, but give your Native men long hair!)

If You're Including Traditional Wear, Research! It's Out There

Languages

Remember, there are a variety of languages spoken by Indigenous people today. No two tribes will speak the same language, though there are some that are close and may have loan words from each other (Cree and Anishinaabemowin come to mind). Make sure your Diné (you may know them as Navajo) character doesn't start dropping Cree words.

Here's a Site With a Map and Voice Clips

Here's an Extensive List of Amerindian Languages

Keep in mind there are some sounds that have no direct English equivalents. But while we're at it, remember a lot of us speak English, French, Spanish, or Portuguese. The languages of the countries that colonized us.

Words in Amerindian languages tend to be longer than English ones and are in the format of prefix + verb + suffix to get concepts across. Gaawiin miskwaasinoon is a complete sentence in Anishinaabemowin, for example (it is not red).

Names

Surprisingly, we don't have names like Passing Dawn or Two-Bears-High-Fiving in real life. A lot of us have, for lack of better phrasing, white people names. We may have family traditions of passing a name down from generation to generation (I am the fourth person in my maternal line to have my middle name), but not everyone is going to do that. If you do opt for a name from a specific tribe, make sure you haven't chosen a last name from another tribe.

Baby name sites aren't reliable, because most of the names on there will be made up by people who aren't Indigenous. That site does list some notable exceptions and debunks misconceptions.

Here's a list of last names from the American census.

Indian Names

You may also hear "spirit names" because that's what they are for. You know the sort of mystical nature-related name getting slapped on an Indigenous character? Let's dive into that for a moment.

The concept of a spirit name seems to have gotten mistranslated at some point in time. It is the name Creator calls you throughout all your time both here and in the spirit world. These names are given (note the word usage) to you in a ceremony performed by an elder. This is not done lightly.

A lot of imitations of this end up sounding strange because they don't follow traditional guidelines. (I realize this has spread out of the original circle, but Fallout fans may recall other characters in Honest Hearts and mods that do this. They have really weird and racist results.)

If you're not Indigenous: don't try this. You will be wrong.

Legal Terms

Now, sometimes the legal term (or terms) for a tribe may not be what they refer to themselves as. A really great example of this would be the Oceti Sakowin and "Sioux". How did that happen, you might be wondering. Smoky Mountain News has an article about this word and others, including the history of these terms.

For the most accurate information, you are best off having your character refer to themselves by the name their nation uses outside of legislation. A band name would be pretty good for this (Oglala Lakota, for example). I personally refer to myself by my band.

Cowboys

And something the Fallout New Vegas fans might be interested in, cowboys! Here's a link to a post with several books about Black and Indigenous cowboys in the Wild West.

Representation: Stereotypes and Critical Thought

Now, you'll need to think critically about why you want to write your Indigenous character a certain way. Here is a comprehensive post about stereotypes versus nuance.

Familiarize yourself with tropes. The Magical Indian is a pretty prominent one, with lots of shaman-type characters in movies and television shows. This post touches on its sister tropes (The Magical Asian and The Magical Negro), but is primarily about the latter.

Say you want to write an Indigenous woman. Awesome! Characters I love to see. Just make sure you're aware of the stereotypes surrounding her and other Women of Color.

Word to the wise: do not make your Indigenous character an alcoholic. "What, so they can't even drink?" You might be asking. That is not what I'm saying. There is a pervasive stereotype about Drunk Indians, painting a reaction to trauma as an inherent genetic failing, as stated in this piece about Indigenous social worker Jessica Elm's research. The same goes for drugs. Ellen Deloria is an example of this stereotype.

Familiarize yourself with and avoid the Noble Savage trope. This was used to dehumanize us and paint us as "childlike" for the sake of a plot device. It unfortunately persists today.

Casinos are one of the few ways for tribes to make money so they can build homes and maintain roads. However, some are planning on diversifying into other business ventures.

There's a stereotype where we all live off government handouts. Buddy, some of these long-term boil water advisories have been in place for over twenty years. The funding allocated to us as a percentage is 0.39%: less than half a percent to fight the coronavirus. They don't give us money.

"But what about people claiming to be descended from a Cherokee princess?" Cherokee don't and never had anything resembling princesses. White southerners made that up prior to the Civil War. As the article mentions, they fancied themselves "defending their lands as the Indians did".

Also, don't make your Indigenous character a cannibal. Cannibalism is a serious taboo in a lot of our cultures, particularly northern ones.

Our lands are not cursed. We don't have a litany of curses to cast on white people in found footage films. Seriously. We have better things to be doing. Why on earth would our ancestors be haunting you when they could be with their families? Very egotistical assumption.

Indigenous Ties and Blood Quantum

Blood quantum is a colonial system that was initially designed to "breed out the Indian" in people. To dilute our bloodlines until we assimilated properly into white society. NPR has an article on it here.

However, this isn't how a vast majority of us define our identities. What makes us Indigenous is our connections (or reconnection) to our families, tribes, bands, clans, and communities.

Blood quantum has also historically been used to exclude Black Natives from tribal enrollment, given that it was first based on appearance. So, if you looked Black and not the image of "Indian" the white census taker had in his brain, you were excluded and so were your descendants.

Here are two tumblrs that talk about Black Indigenous issues and their perspectives. They also talk about Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people of Australia.

However, if you aren't Indigenous, don't bring up blood quantum. Don't. This is an issue you should not be speaking about.

Cherokee Princess Myth

"Princess" was not a real position in any tribe. The European idea of monarchy did not suddenly manifest somewhere else. The closest probable approximation may have been the daughter of a chief or other politically prominent person. But princess? No.

Here is an article talking about possible origins of this myth. Several things are of note here: women from other tribes may have bee shoved under this label and the idea of a "Cherokee Princess" had been brought up to explain the sudden appearance of a brown-skinned (read: half Black) family member.

For a somewhat more in depth discussion of why, specifically, this myth gets touted around so often, Timeline has this piece.

Religion

Our religions are closed. We are not going to tell you how we worship. Mostly because every little bit we choose to share gets appropriated. Smudging is the most recent example. If you aren't Indigenous, that's smoke cleansing. Smudging is done in a specific way with ceremonies and prayers.

Now, a lot of us were forcibly converted. Every residential school was run by Christians. So plenty of us are Catholic, Baptist, Anglican, Lutheran, etc. Catholicism in Latin America also has influence from the Indigenous religions in that region.

Having your Indigenous character pray or carry rosaries wouldn't be a bad thing, if that religion was important to them. Even if they are atheist, if they lived outside of a reserve or other Indigenous communities, they might have Christian influences due to its domination of the Western world.

Settler Colonialism and the White Savior Trope

Now we've come to our most painful section yet. Fallout unintentionally has an excellent agent of settler-colonialism, in particular the Western Christian European variety, in Caesar's Legion and Joshua Graham.

(Addendum: Honest Hearts is extremely offensive in its portrayal of Indigenous people, and egregiously shows a white man needing to "civilize" tribals and having to teach them basic skills. These skills include cooking, finding safe water, and defending themselves from other tribes.)

Before we dive in, here is a post explaining the concept of cultural Christianity, if you are unfamiliar with it.

We also need to familiarize ourselves with The White Man's Burden. While the poem was written regarding the American-Philippine war, it still captures the attitudes toward Indigenous folks all over the world at the time.

As this article in Teen Vogue points out, white people like to believe they need to save People of Color. You don't need to. People of Color can save themselves.

Now, cultural Christianity isn't alone on this side of the pond. Writer Teju Cole authored a piece on the White Savior Industrial Complex to describe mission trips undertaken by white missionaries to Africa to feed their egos.

Colonialism has always been about the acquisition of wealth. To share a quote from this paper about the ongoing genocide of Indigenous peoples: "Negatively, [settler colonialism] strives for the dissolution of native societies. Positively, it erects a new colonial society on the expropriated land base—as I put it, settler colonizers come to stay: invasion is a structure not an event. In its positive aspect, elimination is an organizing principal of settler-colonial society rather than a one-off (and superseded) occurrence. The positive outcomes of the logic of elimination can include officially encouraged miscegenation, the breaking-down of native title into alienable individual freeholds, native citizenship, child abduction, religious conversion, resocialization in total institutions such as missions or boarding schools, and a whole range of cognate biocultural assimilations. All these strategies, including frontier homicide, are characteristic of settler colonialism. Some of them are more controversial in genocide studies than others." (Positive, here, is referring to "benefits" for the colonizers. Indigenous people don't consider colonization beneficial.)

An example of a non-benefit, the Church Rock disaster had Diné children playing in radioactive water so the company involved could avoid bad publicity.

Moving on, don't sterilize your Indigenous people. Sterilization, particularly when it is done without consent, has long been used as a tool by the white system to prevent "undesirables" (read, People of Color and disabled people) from having children. Somehow, as of 2018, it wasn't officially considered a crime.

The goal of colonization was to eliminate us entirely. Millions died because of exposure to European diseases. Settlers used to and still do separate our children from us for reasons so small as having a dirty dish in the sink. You read that right, a single dirty dish in your kitchen sink was enough to get your children taken and adopted out to white families. This information was told to me by an Indigenous social work student whose name I will keep anonymous.

It wasn't until recently they made amendments to the Indian Act that wouldn't automatically render Indigenous women non-status if they married someone not Indigenous. It also took much too long for Indigenous families to take priority in child placement over white ones. Canada used to adopt Indigenous out to white American families. The source for that statement is further down, but adoption has been used as a tool to destroy cultures.

I am also begging you to cast aside whatever colonialist systems have told you about us. We are alive. People with a past, not people of the past, which was wonderfully said here by Frank Waln.

Topics to Avoid if You Aren't Indigenous

Child Separation. Just don't. We deserve to remain with our families and our communities. Let us stay together and be happy that way.

Assimilation schools. Do not bring up a tool for cultural genocide that has left lasting trauma in our communities.

W/ndigos. I don't care that they're in Fallout 76. They shouldn't be. Besides, you never get them right anyway.

Sk/nwalkers. Absolutely do not. Diné stories are not your playthings either.

I've already talked about drugs and alcohol. Do your research with compassion and empathy in mind. Indigenous people have a lot of pain and generational trauma. You will need to be extremely careful having your Indigenous characters use drugs and alcohol. If your character can be reduced to their (possible) substance abuse issues, you need to step back and rework it. As mentioned in Jessica Elm's research, remember that it isn't inherent to us.

For our final note: remember that we're complex, autonomous human beings. Don't use our deaths to further the stories of your white characters. Don't reduce us to some childlike thing that needs to be raised and civilized by white characters. We interact with society a little differently than you do, but we interact nonetheless.

Meegwetch (thank you) for reading! Remember to do your research and portray us well, but also back off when you are told by an Indigenous person.

This may be updated in the future, it depends on what information I come across or, if other Indigenous people are so inclined, what is added to this post.