#i need to learn how to draw every character or else i DUE

[happyyft]

Learning

[titaniumions]

i think it's probably somewhat clear that i see isolde and kakania as lesbians (seems to be a common hc anyway) but i think i want to explore how that'd fit into their respective characterizations, not necessarily only from a shipping standpoint. note that this does get into headcanon territory, still i try to keep it as in-character as i can

i think kakania would actually be pretty open about it. in the 1910s?? i mean sure, she's already a controversy as she is ... an arcanist, an uncertified psychiatrist with unconventional methods, an outspoken member of society who stirs up public opinion. might as well give herself one more reason to be a subject of controversy. those who are set on hating her probably have no intention of changing that, so hey, might as well authentically be herself in every possible way including this. among those who have a more positive opinion about her, i do think this would make her somewhat of an icon. she draws other members of the community toward her. she lets them know that she is there for them and will fight for them. that they can turn to her and she will not scrutinize them for it. she'd tell them, no, there is nothing wrong with being this way. it isn't something you need to be "cured" from

in line with this, i think it would make sense for the "circle" to be a queer safe space. in fact, i like to think theophil himself could've been bi and thus would've accepted his sister's sexuality. but due to her own inhibitions (which i will touch upon later) i don't think isolde would ever have told him.

meanwhile for isolde ... i think it's more complicated. having a sexuality outside of the norm would be a deviation from the socially acceptable definition of the "perfect noble" she tries to be. so even if she were to ever consider it, she would simply end up pushing those thoughts away. no, not a chance. this shouldn't bother her at all. she's supposed to be perfect, yet she already has enough problems in her life as a member of the dittarsdorf family. considering the possibility of herself being anything but straight would lead to more problems, wouldn't it? and that's the last thing she needs. nonetheless she's ... never been attracted to a man either. but she tries not to think too much of it. maybe she just needs to wait it out. or so she tells herself

now to piece it all together ... i do really like the idea of kakania being her ... awakening. in fact i think it would make a lot of sense for her story, what with kakania being the metaphorical key to the doors that have always surrounded and confined isolde ... so hear me out. when isolde started associating with her and the circle she realized that it felt far less suffocating than ... pretty much any other aspect of her life. it's like a breath of fresh air. kakania in particular would fascinate isolde, in a way that makes isolde question things about herself. perhaps she even comes close to having a realization. but again, isolde remembers who she needs to be, and stops herself short.

eventually though, she would learn what kind of person kakania is, and what she believes in and fights for. this only deepens isolde's admiration further and she finally comes to a point of acceptance about her feelings. alright. i can accept this realization now. she no longer pushes it to the back of her mind. there's still a bit of repression and shame left in there but meeting someone who has not only awakened her, but also wouldn't judge her for it, has changed something within her entirely. the feelings overflow and she can deny it no longer. but again, at the end of the day she still needs to be perfect and socially acceptable. she can't just ... exist as freely as kakania does. but it's alright, isolde has feigned compliance for so long regardless of however difficult it might be. putting up with expectations has been a regular part of her life. so there it is, something authentic about this actor that she can't show to anyone else because it doesn't fit the part that she's supposed to play. kakania is allowed to know though, of course she is. it can just be their little secret. and one way or another, she'll figure out how isolde feels toward her. surely kakania would be quite honored to be on the receiving end of the affection of such a wonderful lady. as long as this affection doesn't eventually turn into a catalyst for destruction, right ...

[naffeclipse]

Now I'm invested in the monster bf OCs AHAHAH like Hawthorn sounds like such a cutie !!! Also a mothman hello?? 😍 ( I kinda lowkey wanna draw him even tho I'm not well versed in drawing monster-esque characters 🤣✨ )

May I ask about how they'd all give affectionate gifts to MC? Any way shape or form to tell MC they love them and stuff 🥹💕 thanks in advance 🙏🏻

AH THANK YOU! I'm glad you like Hawthorn, he is such a cutie!! Ohhh, if you did, I'd love to see it! I need to get some refs commissioned for the monster boys but that's gonna have to wait a minute due to school starting soon for me ;-;

Hawthorn has a plethora of natural gifts for MC and he painstakingly takes the time to find the right beauties to present to his darling human. He sets spiral snail shells into MC's palm and tucks feathers from beautiful birds into MC's hair. Mostly, he brings flowers. He's a bit of a sap like that when he swoops down and stands before MC, all endearing, and quietly telling MC to take the bouquet of pink, blue, and yellow wildflowers that he spent the entire day collecting with little twigs and shrub leaves. He really hopes MC enjoys each and every gift. He puts a lot of thought into them. He just wants to see a pleased smile and a little bit of a twinkle in MC's beautiful eyes.

Grease isn't great at gifts but when he does have something to give, he bewilders poor MC with his offerings. A shiny ring that doesn't fit on MC's finger. An antique wristwatch with a cracked face. Once, a phone that clearly belonging to someone else. Misplaced valuables. MC grills Grease until he confesses that he finds most of his 'gifts' while he's going after fresh victims to feed on. MC tells him to stop stealing. Grease gets grumpy about it but he does turn to dumpster diving and finding little treasures tossed away along the side of the road. The things he does for MC.

Calmo doesn't have a way to give gifts like the other boys. He lives in MC's house and refuses to leave the safety of its walls. He figures out how to order items off of the internet but doing so costs money, and he's not going to dip into MC's bank account to supply MC with a gift. That would be meaningless. Instead, he turns to learning how to do human things, like cooking, dancing, and immersing himself in MC's interests. He gives MC a fresh, home-cooked meal after the end of a long shift at the diner. When MC's favorite song comes on, slow and romantic, he takes MC by the hand and softly spins with his dance partner around the room. A new book comes out that MC loves and Calmo ensures he reads it when MC is not home so they might exchange thoughts about the text later. MC doesn't realize they're gifts, but MC seems happy.

[eliotlime]

November update post thing

Drawing of me watching short-form video content without sound vs one where I am lol

If you use short-form video platforms of any kind and would like to help me with my survey you can do so here! Though I'll probably be closing it sometime next week (2nd November 2024 ish) to collate the data for submission.

I've got a metric tonne of deadlines due next week but you know what it's blog update time!!

This is also not going to be scheduled to post because I usually write these on the 29th but I forgot! So it's getting posted now!!

💀 School..

Yeap as I've said I'm in school so that's still in progress, I have completely no idea what I'm doing everyday and as it turns out no time to worry about it either I got deadlines baby!!!

I mean in theory I understand but it's all a big question mark to me, like i need to be reassured like a nervous dog that I'm doing the right thing and what not

And because of that I'm real sorry about pushing the Abacelsus zine to the back burner, I actually got quite a lot of it done before I had to lock in for school of course.

And though I said I had a lot of sketches I didn't post well they were shittier than I liked them to be so I wanted to make it look nicer. Oh well dems the breaks.

Another screenie of my school work, they didn't really go into depth about how to specifically design stuff so it's basically me frankenstien-ing stuff I've seen existing and just trying my best lol

I mean.. overall it's funnnn... i guess... I do like projects but everyone in my class are adults with established jobs or goals. Even those who are around my age seem to know what they're aiming for too, feels like I'm an unemployed little sucker fumbling in the dark. Can be humiliating I won't lie, why is learning something new so embarrassing?

Aside from that I'm seeing people be so social online while studying too and it's almost mesmerizing, it's definitely survivor bias but those that can balance it are fascinating to me.

📖Anthology Update

Agh enough of that debbie downer bullshit, I'll tell you what I've also got due next week! That's right!! The drafts for my anthology!

Screenie of one of the panels I posted onto my ko-fi discord!

I'm not even half way done and it's due on the 6th of December. I'm beyond FUCKED. Anyway I can get it done by then but the school shit is sucking the life out of me through my ears.

☕ Ko-Fi Page

Deadlines aside I've also randomly launched my Ko-fi Membership page! I haven't quite had the time to properly promote it but it's there and I've been updating it every so often

I've got stuff up there already and comics of things that aren't polished (or sfw) enough for me to post. Especially if you're interested in my characters and would like to support me, here's a good hub to check all of it out!

The Ko-fi Discord updates the most frequently, basically every time I draw anything (Which is quite often!). The actual ko-fi gallery is only being updated every week to prevent spam.

Shout out to my one ko-fi member, wormfriend. Right now it's quite funny to have just the one but I definitely would like more so plz join!!! I promise I draw a lot!!!

🌯 Wrapping it up...

That's all I've got for you this month, real grind-y and uneventful but hey some moths are like that. I talked about opening my commissions again in December and I intend to keep that promise but as of yet the first week is not looking too hot haha. I'll consider it on the 7th but whuff it's real packed right now!

I don't have really anything else to say or add that isn't either

a) incredibly negative and self deprecating

or

b) cussing the shit out of disrespectful transphobic anonymous asks I've been getting

so I'm just going to end this hastily written blog update here and get back to work!

I leave you with this cool down drawing of a honda civic and my attempts at a motorcycle that can also hover in the air.

As always thank you so much for reading and I've been so busy I haven't even had time to work on my annual redraw that's been sitting in my folders gah! If you’d like to support me, here’s my ko-fi page again and my itchi.io & gumroad as well.

If you have any questions or just generally want to talk to me, my DMs and askbox is always open! Any professional enquires can be sent towards my email as well: eliotlime@gmail.com

XOXO, Stay weird!

-Eliot :)

[stacygetsit]

What we understand 🩷🩷🩷

In good old calm theory anon fashion I have a topic I would love to discuss with y'all. The internet correct can be used as a tool to communicate and learn about a wide range of topics. But can we also be hurting ourselves? It has been said that we are our own worst enemy. When you post on social media you normally do it with a purpose correct? You want to share with your family and friends the joys of your life. Or you want to stand up and say look everyone at this injustice that's being done to highlight an issue that you're seeing. For every post that is on your social media account there reasons for it being there. But how are others receiving those pictures? So we know as a human that we are a mixed of the world we live in. Meaning I can only understand something along the means of what I have been through or witnessed. An example if Mary post a picture of a beach. You might look at that picture and think that looks like a great vacation due to some great vacation you went on but I myself would see oh that's home. See I spent my childhood every summer at the beach. So when I see any beach a smile comes across my face and I just feel a sense of being content. So one photo and two possible reactions. And that's just a beach photo. Imagine all the relationship trauma we have all been through. We all have responses to what we are seeing and those responses are shape by our past. So let's say I have had a series of bad exes is it possible when I see photos of Luke. I'm drawing conclusions to a video that just simply aren't there. Yes I might be. Do I consciously understand that I'm judging Luke based on my experiences with men? Not necessarily. Does it make it right? Nope As I have said in the past we are only seeing seconds of a moment of Luke or Nic life. So have we built up stories that simply might not be true? Yes of course. I have said for a while now that we as a fandom have given these side characters a title. It's so easy to take their lives and try to understand what we are seeing from our limited knowledge. So yes we are our own worst enemies. We are taking our experience with the opposite sex and trying to understand what we are seeing. We looked at Nic photo of hand holding with JD and some of the fans ASSUMED that they are a couple. How do we know she wasn't scared because she seen the paps and he grabbed her hand to help her? How do we know she sees him as a romantic partner? All we know is that we wouldn't hold hands with a man that we aren't dating. Who is to say that Nicola wouldn't? Opinions change all the time. Circumstances change all the time. We don't know them. We seen a moment of their time. No before pictures were shown. We don't know them personally. We can only go based on our knowledge level. We know she a touchy person she said herself she is. So why are we taking photos and assuming we know the details on them? Talking about Luke honestly hurts my heart. All summer people tore him apart. Calling him all sorts of names assuming we understood something as complex as why type of relationship he had with the girl. We wrote his story then took the time to tear him down. He went offline and that's on the fandom. We all seen it happen and for those that didn't engage it that dumb shit. Good for you applaud yourself that you didn't assume someone else life. We can theorize and assume but we need to understand that we don't actually know what's going on. A lot of us on these blogs understand it's just our opinions but if you're following a page and they are stating things as a fact. Then ask yourself is this page causing me to unnecessarily panic? When Luke and Nic want to come clean they will. That's when I THINK the other side will be shocked. We as Lukola will be happy but they wont be. *** I wanted to add the difference between the fandom's is that Lukola have months of footage that we have based our opinions on. The other side has a couple of instances.

[twstedpometea]

1 year later: Ugigiugi review and thoughts

Hello Everyone.

It's finally been a year since the PDF was released. I decided to do a retrospective post on Ugigiugi, the history of her tracing, and share my personal thoughts now that some time has passed.

Feel free to read below!

First off, I wanted to publicly address the fact that I noticed the new "findings" in the tag. I have collected those for annotations.

As I've stated before in one of my older posts, this whole situation was the first time I'd seen or dealt with a serial tracer like Ugigiugi. Counting her last post day, she had been tracing for 5 years. Given all these things, I decided to reflect a bit on the Ugigiugi situation and things are a year later.

At that time it appeared that Ugigiugi was mostly a tracer/self-insert Mary-sue type of artist. Given her lack of crediting and stealing from others, it was pretty apparent that she was a lazy and passionless person masquerading as an artist and had zero shame in taking the efforts from others for herself.

While there is still plenty of art that has yet to be sourced, it can kinda assumed if Ugigiugi saw it, she stole it, regardless of the source. This is pretty evident when you look at the located sources which spanned from small-time fan artists and to published works, including online media or comics she's read in her own time. And let's not forget the audacity of her tracing over other people's original characters, and comics, or stealing from lgbtq+ ships.

Pharaoh’s Concubine by Misha/Youshi

Ennead by Mojito

Now, generally, it's alright to feel "inspired" by other people's fan art/comics/stories/etc. That's normal. And I certainly can't police what people will end up liking in their media.

But blatantly stealing others shows no passion and demonstrates you have very little respect for your fellow art peers. As I've said in my previous post on Tracing/Copying/Referencing while tracing is one way to "learn" how to draw art, it is not something you should heavily rely on as it can quickly become a crutch. If you're not pulling any useful information from it and just trace without a second thought, you will become dependent on it for everything and never truly learn how to draw without that crutch.

Every artist needs to study the fundamentals to learn how to break the rules. Every artist needs to learn how to use resources properly, be transparent if they borrow from others, and give credit where credit is due. Every artist has to gain confidence so they can create and self-motivate to improve.

Ugigiugi had NONE of these qualities because at the end of the day she did not care about being an artist.

She wanted attention and praise and did not care how she got it.

Looking back on the fallout and how Ugigiugi handled it when people tried to correct her or called her out, I can't consider her a creator in any capacity. Given that most of her pieces are in the genre of Mary-sue/self-inserting, this was really just her putting the spotlight on herself and that's the bottom line.

Now I'll be frank: I don't care for self-inserting. But that is a personal preference. However, I understand it is a thing people do within fandom spaces for fun, and if that's what you like? More power to you.

But if you have to steal from other artists to do that? From fellow fans or even from people who probably spent years developing their skills and putting art online to advertise their artwork or comics? You are just a leech, no different from the "AI artists" plugging prompts into generators to spit out terrible soulless art, scrapped from the honest efforts of thousands before them. And how can you call yourself an artist when you take from everyone else but having nothing to show for yourself?

Finally, for my last point, I'll share my thoughts on Ugigiugi's last known post and her "apology" before she deleted her Tumblr since not everyone got to see her response/rant when the callouts first began to circulate. I'm also leaving her DA post here for reference.

Someone had asked me if there was any actual proof Ugigiugi ever apologized anywhere before she nuked her social media. No, she never did apologize. You can even see in her Tumblr "apology" that she doesn't admit to what she did before going off on a rant. As of this year? She still has never apologized for all the tracing or stealing and for not crediting her free resources.

That being said a lot of what Ugi said at the end of her apologies always bugged me. I'll zoom in on these parts of her posts.

Here's the thing. You can have all the dreams in the world you like. Does creating art help you escape from the troubles of the real world? By all means that stuff is normal. To create art and express things is also fine.

But what isn't normal or acceptable Ugigiugi's lack of responsibility.

You can't build things with stuff that isn't yours to begin with. What story or world is there to share if you're just stealing the building blocks from others with no regard for people's works or boundaries? How can you create or inspire anyone when all you have to offer is a poorly reproduced copy. Can you even call it a hobby when you're not even going to put in the minimum effort? I don't think so.

Yes, Ugigiugi's can have issues with the doxing/political hubbub but at the end of it all, she is in a mess entirely of her own making. If she hadn't traced and just sourced things properly, I don't think people would have gone after her for all the stuff she had stolen (problematic media/opinions aside obviously). Taking accountability is always a sign of maturity.

And that is probably the biggest reason I can't give Ugiugigi a pass. She is not some misguided young artist just starting out. She is an adult. And not just any adult but one in the educational field too. It is appalling and little disturbing that an educator is engaging in such selfish behavior. And in her own words she knows these things and people have corrected her. But instead of taking accountability, she chooses to double down even harder and get mad at everyone for "bullying" her. She acts like a victim and makes excuses right up until the bitter end. And even now, despite a year of silence, I suspect her stance hasn't changed.

But this post is already growing quite long and rather then continue to beat this dead horse, I would rather finish this entry to talk about what people should avoid.

Even a year later after the PDF was published there's still stuff being sourced from her traced works and we have no idea if Ugiugigi is continuing to lurk or continuing to steal but keep it offline to avoid another public fallout.

Whatever the case may be I would like to leave a final thought both to encourage people to not do what she did and also address and of her lingering supporters who might stumble across this:

There are some out there who feel that what Ugiugigi did was not that bad since "everyone traces". But these people are wrong.

When you take something that doesn't belong to you, that is stealing. And when people discover you have been stealing they get upset for far more than just the theft. They get angry because that person is a LIAR. That is a betrayal of trust from an artist they believed was acting in good faith. If said artist can just rip off other people's work or resources without even so much as a token acknowledgement of where their inspiration came from, it calls their entire body of work into question.

And when people discover you have lack integrity, they no longer trust you. And once you lose that trust it can be impossible to gain that back. That is why they leave, block that artist, and refuse to engage further because if they can steal from others, what is to stop them from stealing from you?

Ugiugigi's downfall is ultimately from her own egotism, a misguided belief that she deserved praise while giving negative effort. And while there are still many like her out there, there is at least one less parasite to deal with.

[saintone]

So, recently, I received the last book of SVSSS saga, and I instantly jumped to read, once again, Shen Jiu’s story chapter. And, oh boy. I’ve got things to say.

Spoiler’s ahead!!!!

Something I notice about MXTX’s writing is that, in a very subtle manner, their narrator's way of telling the story changes based on whose character's pov it is, so we can guess that the book’s narrator isn’t omniscient, but it’s actually a character’s inner voice. which isn’t anything new, as many users have pointed out that Shen Yuan isn’t a very reliable narrator, and some things of the books that are told from his pov don’t match with reality (the easiest example I can say is when sy and lgh reencounter after the eternal abyss. sy interpret’s lbg’s ‘dark gaze’ as his vengeful desire when actually half of the time he’s just being horny lol).

Something else I’ve noticed repeatedly, and kinda made me uncomfortable is sy’s portrayal of female disciples. Based on his belief that og!sqq preyed on his disciples, sy takes the liberty to make very perverted assertions that stay on the fictional side due to his fear of facing a similar ending as the one of the original goods. quoting some real phrases from the book:

“This was because he had designs on Ning Yingying—ah, no, more like the original Shen Qingqiu had designs on Ning Yingying!” (p. 34, first book).

“One can, however, imagine the result of daring to try to get a taste of the male lead’s woman!” (p. 35).

Or his description of the fight between Liu Mignyan and Sha Hualing:

“Every man dreamed of being caught between an angel and a devil. To watch them jealously vile for each other over him one moment, then risk life and limb for his sake in the next — that was the highest, most sacred, perverted fantasy of every male organism” (p. 112).

These aren’t the words of a neutral, omniscient narrator: these are Shen Yuan’s own thoughts. And he is a very perverted guy: it makes sense, as he was an avid reader of PIDW.

Following the conclusion that the narrator varies on the character’s pov, Shen Jiu’s story takes on a new meaning. Because all of the words in Chapter 24 are Shen Jiu’s own.

The Part 1 of the story starts with Shen Jiu on the streets, until Shiwu goes missing, and Yue Qi goes searching for him, with Sj following. The change to Part 2, which starts directly in the Qi mansions, is kinda abrupt. There are many reasons for something like this.

On one side, we can interpret that the story starts with Sj in the Qi mansions, and he was reflecting on his life to gauge how he ended up there. The sudden jump of events, which leaves us with a gap in information, can be due to trauma, or confusion: Sj isn’t entirely sure of what happened. That’s why this chapter is wholly written as a recount of events, from a man who, perhaps, needed to learn how to write and read to be able to put words to his life and story.

Shen Jiu’s reflections are born from his pain. At the end of Part 2, we get an explanation of how he ended in the Qi mansion:

“Shiwu should have been trampled to death, trampled into minced meat for thousands to spit upon. Qi-ge should have never gone back to save him [...]

As Shen Jiu suffered through day after day of torment, he turned those sweet yet futile thoughts over and over again in his mind, drawing strength and comfort from them” (p. 90, fourth book).

This phrase is very powerful. I think that, as Shen Jiu suffers, he reflects more on his life until now, on the reasons that guided him there, on the actions of those around him, and on the path they should’ve followed. 

He wasn’t like that in Part 1. Even as a slave, he doesn't reflect on his pain or suffering because he was pretty much the top game among slave boys, and as Yue Qi says, “the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror” (p. 82).

It’s also very meaningful how Part 3 starts:

“Shen Jiu thought a lot about why Yue Qi never returned to look for him” (p. 90).

Yess, right after Sj thinks that Yq should never’ve returned to look for Shiwu. Coincidence? I don’t think so!

Sj says “go back to save him”, but the one who actually saves them both, Shiwu and Yq, is Sj. 

The question here is, does Shen jiu regret saving yue qi? Or is he afraid, as we see at the beginning of Part 3, that yue qi learned his lesson, and won’t come back to save a kid that could betray him at the end? Do you think that, after being imprisoned at the water prison, Shen Jiu considers himself a Shiwu too, betraying Yue Qingyuan and guiding the fall of the Cang Qiong Sect?

How do you think it felt for Sj to never get those answers either?

Before going foward, something very meaningful from Part 2 is Qi Jianluo’s reflections around Shen Jiu.

“As long as the boy remained obedient and honest, there would be no issues” (p. 88).

And “Humans must understand and repay kindness. Our family gave you the chance to play human, so even if it means repaying us with your life, that’s just how it should be.” (p. 89).

Who could you remember was obedient and honest? And wasn’t human?

Isn’t it awfully coincidental that the despicable way in which Qi Jianluo viewed Shen Jiu, is exactly what he tries to destroy in Luo Binghe? His honesty and obedience, his human side?

I’m not saying Sj did it intentionally, he clearly hated the boy, as stated in this chapter. But he made him the opposite of the weak, scorned version of himself.

And this is exactly what he says at the end of the chapter:

“Luo Binghe, everything you have today you owe to taking me as your master, so shouldn’t you thank me? Instead, you’re wholly unable to tell what’s good for yourself. As expected, you’re an ungrateful bastard” (p. 116).

Going forward, Part 3! Right off the bat, we have this beautiful phrase that just makes me go aghh:

“Shen Jiu even imagined walking to the ends of the earth looking for Yue Qi’s remains, and how, after finding them, he would dig him a grave with his own two hands. Perhaps he would even do his best to shed a tear” (p 90).

Let me remind you, that this is the only, single mention of crying in the whole chapter. From everything that Shen QingQiu has gone through, he has only thought of crying in the face of Yue Qi’s potential death.

He doesn’t cry when he receives the remains of Xuan Su, though. Because “This was not Yue Qi but Yue Qingyuan (p. 94).

Then, Shen Jiu puts it into words:

“Some people were rotten from birth. Shen Jiu thought of himself in exactly this way — someone vile and poisonous [ejem, like Shiwu, whose presence brought misfortune to his literal savior] from the start. Because, at that instant, he came to a crystal-clear realization:

That he’d rather have met a Yue Qi who’d died in some unknown corner, his remains unsightly and forgotten, than a Yue Qingyuan who was elegant and powerful, his prospects and future boundless” (p. 95).

This is exactly what I said before when I mention that Sj reflection’s starts from his pain, and his pain is born in the Qi household. Before, as a slave boy, Shen Jiu was actually the happiest. And that’s why he’d rather have a dead Yue Qi than an alive Yue Qingyuan: because he was still Shen Jiu, and he would be Shen Jiu until his death.

It’s right then and there, that Shen Jiu decides there’s something inevitably wrong in him, that he’s poisonous, scornful, and hateful.

And that word marks his future in Cang Qiong:

Part 4: “Shen Jiu hated far too many and far too many things” (p. 95).

But then, we get this phrase:

“I may be a hateful thing for most people, but luckily the Qing Jing Peak Lord doesn't despise me” (p. 99)

Is Shen QingQiu hateful, or is he hated?

Also, “thing”. He’s a hateful thing. So he’s still not human.

Changing topics, on page 100, we get to see a new side of Shen Jiu: his reflection on the women of the Red Pavilion. I think it’s very interesting to compare it with Sy’s considerations of women. 

“Liking women wasn’t the least shameful, but treating women like saviors, cowering within their embrace and seeking courage from them... even without anyone saying it, Shen Qingqiu knew that was horrendously shameful”

From his wording, I don’t think Sj thinks badly of women: he thinks badly of himself. He considers that a man should be able to protect others, not be protected. The “horrendously shameful” thing is himself, and his pain.

And what’s really meaningful is when he says: “even without anyone saying it”. Because it shows us that many things Shen Jiu knows were taught by others' words. Because he was a slave boy, with no education of the noble, or even human ways (as slaves aren’t considered people), and everything he gathers of life he is constantly learning from others.

So of course he is hateful, and of course, he doesn’t get along with others: he hasn’t learned how to (and how big of a coincidence is it that Shen Yuan, who’s from a wealthy family, is able to get along with his Martial siblings just fine?).

Shen Qingqiu also knows that the only reason he was able to become a Peak Lord, is thanks to Qiu Jianluo’s teachings:

“In the past, Qiu Jianluo had forced Shen Jiu to learn how to read and write. Shen Jiu had been unwilling to learn, had detested it to the point of madness, yet now it was only through his abilities in reading and studying—through being smarter than his peers—that he’d been able to earn the Qing Jing Peak’s lord's favor. To make it even more laughable, of the thousands of possible names in this world, the peak lord had just happened to name him Qingqiu” (p. 101).

Doesn’t this remind you of something? I’m going to write this quote once again: 

“Luo Binghe, everything you have today you owe to taking me as your master, so shouldn’t you thank me? Instead, you’re wholly unable to tell what’s good for yourself. As expected, you’re an ungrateful bastard” (p. 116).

Just like Luo Binghe, Sj is where he is thanks to his abusive master. But never once does Sj regret his past:

“But no matter how laughable, no matter how it made him gnash his teeth, Shen Qingqiu still wanted that name, for this name represented that from now onward, a shining new life was his” (p. 116).

Notice the change of preposition, from “that” to “this”? That name is the Qiu name, and this name is the QingQiu name.

He is no Shen QingQiu, and no longer Shen Jiu.

“‘That name irritates me whenever I hear it. I’ve long forgotten it. So please, Zhangmen-shixiong, you should also discard it.’

[...] ‘ Then, the day you responder to it would be the day it no longer irritates you?’

[...] ‘ That would never happen’” (p. 101-102).

Shen Wingqiu wholeheartedly accepts his new name.

No matter what happened, we never see Shen QingQiu regretting his actions, neither cursing his fate. He accepts what life gives him, and he accepts his punishments. 

“What’s happened has happened! I’ve already ‘considered’ it hundreds and thousands of times! There is no ‘if’, no ‘in the beginning’—, there was never any chance of redemption!” (p. 111).

And you know why that is? Because he already considered it a lot after Shiwu’s betrayal.

Shiwu should have been trampled, Yue Qi shouldn’t have gone to save him (should’ve come to save Shen Jiu). But after that experience, Shen Jiu learns that should’ve and could’ve, and would’s aren’t worth anything, because, at the end of the day, his life never goes the way it should.

And he just accepts it: “Only when I see other people unhappy can I be happy myself” (p. 112).

This quote was very strange to me because it didn’t really match Shen Jiu’s actions. We don’t see him going out of his way to make others unhappy. (Except Luo Binghe lol. He openly admits to trying to murder him).

I think the situation was quite the opposite: It was when Shen Qingqiu was happy, that others were unhappy: when he was in the Warm Red Pavillion, others were unhappy. When he was with his female disciples, others were unhappy. When he succeeded as a disciple and became Peak Lord, others were unhappy. And when he was a slave, living alongside Yue Qi in the streets, he now believes Yue Qingyuan was unhappy too.

Shen QingQiu’s happiness came with the price of others’ happiness, and that’s why he comes to accept that he prefers others’ suffering, he accepts other’s hate.

The first time Shen Qingqiu is in the Linxhi Caves alongside Yue Qingyuan, he notices the crude markings on the walls, and asks him about it. What’s relevant of this scene is that it’s the first time Shen QingQiu is the one starting a conversation.

Before that, we always see Yue Qingyuan looking for Shen Qingqiu, talking to him, interrogating him, and a Shen Qingqiu reluctant to talk. In this scene, the opposite happens: Shen Qingqiu asks, and Yue Qingqiu ignores him.

Here we see, that in those fundamental moments that Shen Qingqiu is the one interested in something, others (Yue Qingyuan) are distant.

Last but not least, I’d like to bring some of the last lines of the chapter to light:

“He had singlehandedly created the Luo Binghe of today, but who had singlehandedly wrought this ending of Shen Qingqiu’s?

Yue Qingyuan shouldn't have met this kind of fate” (p. 117).

THIS

THIS PHRASE

Made me go ughrr oh my god.

First of all, the acceptance: like yeah, I made the devil. It came to bite me in the ass. Okey.

But does he regret that? NO! He regrets being who he is. What he is. He regrets what he became: he regrets being hated, being unhappy, he regrets being mean, not because of what it caused him, but because of the person he became.

Shen Qingqiu never, not even once feels pity for his ending, for being tortured and mutilated. He only regrets being unhappy.

And also, he blames Yue Qingyuan for it. 

Because it isn’t a coincidence that after that question, he mentions Yue Qingyuan’s name. First of all is a literary resource. Second, it’s the clear association of the narrator’s mind as he builds a sequence.

He blames Yue Qingyuan for the person he became, and also blames Yue Qingyuan for not being able to avoid the person he became: he denies his cruel destiny.

Yue Qingyuan shouldn't have met this kind of fate.

Because Shen Qingqiu only ever wished for the death of Yue Qi.

This chapter’s narrator is a very sharp, and concise one. He goes from scene to scene, from thought to thought, abandoning fluency and just concentrating on a list of events. This is a reflection of Shen Jiu’s mind: a recollection of traumatic events that brutally shaped him into the man he became.

We see very little emotion, very short pieces of a sentimental being that laze themselves as puzzle pieces trying to make the shape of a deeply traumatized man.

I said it before, and I say it again: SVSSS is a masterpiece, is a book that will become a classic and be analyzed by literary critics in universities (or it should become. we can only hope).

And MXTX is one of the best current fiction writers in the world.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

[chronicbeans]

Hi! Since I saw the illustrator wally series I've been exited to request this, it was also sad to see how nobody has yet come with this idea or at least I haven't seen anyone else bring this up so here I come!

It will be interesting how It would work a relationship between Human wally and reader who has maladaptive daydreaming along with autism, I thought of how would it be to meet someone who has to experience something familiar with you. ( since maladaptive daydreaming can be described as a variant of schizophrenia with some small differences ) anyways, I'm a desperate for representation-

ET TU, BRUTE? Omg I maladaptive daydream too (if I am reading it right and you mean to say that you do IT-). My therapist says that I am like, addicted to it lol. My family counselor also likened my case more towards depersonalization/dissociation/a variant of DID due to me only daydreaming myself as other people. This is actually the first time I have heard of it being described as a variant of schizophrenia, but it actually makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it! I need more representation too, so let's do this! I'll try to make it as broad as possible, because everyone daydreams about different things!

Illustrator Wally with an Autistic Reader who Maladaptive Daydreams:

TW: Mentions of Hallucinations, Maladaptive Daydreaming

🖍️ He is a bit confused when he sees you pacing around your living room. He is visiting, and decided to try to surprise you by sneaking up behind you and giving you a gift! Now, though, he is a bit enamored by how you are prancing around, muttering little things to yourself as you seem so carefree and happy in your little world. This is the first time he has seen you like this.

🖍️ You finally end up turning around, in his direction, and your face grows a bit pale from shock and embarrassment. "Uh... Hello... I'm so glad you came to visit!" You try to play it off, but he is too intrigued. Maybe you are like him, and hallucinate, too?

🖍️ You explain what you were doing. You daydream... WAY more often than other people! Intense worldbuilding, character arcs, and more all take place in your head the majority of the day. You like to prance or pace, finding it helpful to feel more comfortable. You also tend to stim in other ways if you cannot pace or prance. The odd facial expressions and mutterings were just you getting in character and reacting to what was happening in your daydreams.

🖍️ Wally is intrigued. It is so... similar, but different, from him. Both you and him are autistic, yes. He's known that for a while, since you told him around the second or third meeting between you two. THIS, though, is so amazing to him. He wants to know more about the stories in your head!

🖍️What do they consist of? Are they horror? Romance? Action? Comedy? He wishes to know. Are you in them? Do you play someone else? Is it from a third person perspective, watching over your creations? If it is something child friendly, maybe you can write a book and he can illustrate it!

🖍️ Even if it is something more... dark, disturbing, overall NOT a kid friendly topic... he would still want to draw it! Maybe he can start to expand his illustrations into more adult books. He is shockingly good at drawing horror, you know. Some of his vent art is a really disturbing treat to view.

🖍️ You might get onto the topic of how both of your conditions are similar and different. You have a lot of characters floating around in your head. Different worlds, stories, everything! Wally does have, in a way, characters, too! The little voices in his head count, right? Sometimes the same one will pop up every now and again. Both of your conditions seem, in a way, uncontrolled. Due to Wally preferring to not use medications, he simply lives with the voices and hallucinations, going to therapy to help him cope and learn to live with it. You just go with the flow, in a way. As far as you've heard, the best and only way to help deal with it is therapy. No real medication or anything.

🖍️ You both are finally happy to find someone similar to yourselves. The best part is that it is similar enough to be familiar, but different enough to have such interesting conversations!

[leprosycock]

I've been wondering! If you dont mind me asking, which of the cults related to which character in the ttwky quiz, and why? Also honestlu any explanation of any of the choices in the quiz would be great, I love hearing and learning about these guys

:D yes!! yes of course!!!

- “pick a cult that interests you the most”

jonestown and the ant hill kids were related to jay because they were both directed and controlled by charismatic but pathetic men who presented themselves as relatable and kind and generous benefactors and they used their perversion of religion and social justice to manipulate and control the people they claimed to love. heaven’s gate and the manson family were related to eva because they were knotted into rat kings through togetherness, common ideas, and a sense of faith and community. a lot of this also involved sexual exploration and discovery of the self and a greater purpose. the children of god and the true russian orthodox church are related to annie because of several self-imposed rules relating to pleasure, indulgence, and family ties. they also heavily toy with ideas of self-harm as a kind of cleansing mechanism and are ridiculously isolated, closing themselves off to ideas and living spaces that keep them safe and comfortable. they have a lot of strange ideas about sex and the body that are impossible for them to let go of because they’re so intrinsically tied to who they are as people.

- “choose the name of a mel bochner painting”

mel bochner is a typographist and his statements are the art itself, so these phrases were just meant to apply to the boys themselves. ‘do i have to draw you a picture?’ and ‘meathead’ were annie because the former is a childish expression of frustration, anger, exhaustion, and rules imposed by small-minded people who mean to control the art world; the latter is a manifestation about self-loathing and hating traits reflected back on oneself. ‘i don’t want to think about it’ and ‘it goes without saying / in other words / talk is cheap’ are jay for somewhat obvious reasons—they’re all avoidance tactics and a reservation from elaboration. a very strict want and need to ignore the worst of his trauma and never unpack it. don’t talk to him. he hates it. eva gets ‘kick against the pricks (blah… blah… blah)’ and ‘money/obscene’ because he fancies himself as a punk and a drag on society for who he is and how he performs and he loves to wallow in that and every bit of attention he can get. he wants to be famous and he wants to be good and he wants to be loved and he wants to be popular and he wants to be a subject of ridicule and hatred because it fuels him and keeps him alive.

- “choose an adult swim show”

jay’s are moral orel and venture bros for. obvious reasons. but just in case you’re unaware they both focus on an emotionally devastated abusive father whose traumatic childhood still affects him and he extends that to not only the people in his life, but his sons as well. annie gets space ghost and aqua teen because they’re both highly surreal and write extremely insensitive jokes and are cheap, cobbled-together shows that present strange characters in strange settings, but are inherently and devastatingly human. eva gets smiling friends and superjail because they’re loud, colorful, attention-grabbing, shrewd, edgy, and tons of fucking fun.

- “what feels good?”

jay (fatherhood):

annie (too-grown-up child):

eva (rotting corpse of a child inside an adult):

- “choose something that flies”

annie is an airplane and a lost balloon. airplane = wanting to escape, balloon = bright fresh young thing that will forever be lost. jay is a mosquito and a jumping cactus because they’re both annoying and dangerous things that plague arizona. eva is a canary and a bat because he’s a free spirit who still longs for companionship and will bite things because it’s just in his nature.

- “choose something gross”

these were all just things that i think each boy hates more than anything else either due to trauma or sensory issues. annie = coleslaw + puddle of pee, jay = the smell of metal on your hands + sticky stain on the counter, eva = wet food in the sink + spiders

- “pick some hentai to read”

annie = Kasetsu Toilet Sanchoume/Brocon!: i won’t explain this one because it contains spoilers

jay = Pet Shop [yaoi]/AS GOD SAYS: both are stories about older people abusing their power and influence in order to attract compliant young boys

eva = Best Friend *woof*/Super-market sweets time!!: you get no points for guessing what the first one is about. the second one is about lolis dressing up as idols and invading a supermarket to seduce older men just looking to buy groceries, which is what he imagines his dynamic with jay to be

- “pick a popular early 00s character”

annie is domo-kun and gloomy bear just because he’s boyish and edgy and emo. jay is happy bunny and spongebob because he is permanently stuck in an era that has long since passed him by and he wants to be loved and clung to. eva is gir and hello kitty because he’s bright and loud and has a ton of different outfits. this one really didn’t have a lot going for it i just kind of pulled it out of my ass

- “choose a place that’s overgrown”

annie is a local park and the woods nearby. they’re childhood spaces that are often not a lot of fun and typically contain a lot of animal and insect life and are rife with poison. jay is the backyard and the basement. a backyard because it’s a staple of a once-lived-in house that is now devastated and gnarled and all evidence of childhood is condemned, and a basement because they’re a staple of new england homes and they’re often dark, damp, unloved, and terrifying. eva is a condemned gas station covered in busted neon lights and old advertisements as well as a playground that is often retreaded by brave kids and arrogant teens looking to start problems.

i’m not going over the “choose a song” one because it’s sooo cringe and i regret putting it in. no one likes that question

but that’s pretty much it!! <333 i hope you found it enlightening 🙂‍↕️

[boomershooterwoman]

I learned from One Piece to consume manga in a different way.

I silence, block and avoid theories and the fandom as much as possible, this was due to Dressrosa and the weekly experience, but the fact that I loved the villain and one of the new allies (Doflamingo and Law) and read so many ideas and theories and speculations meant that when I read what Oda wrote, I was disappointed, what I saw didn't meet my expectations, I had read and even seen fanarts of such incredible and well-crafted possibilities that the canon was disappointing in some respects, I could see the good, but my frustration didn't allow me to see what the author wanted... I could not see Dressrosa for what it is but only for what I wanted it to be... my vision changed when I talked to a colleague and she said she loved it, and I brought her some theories and possibilities and some she even liked, but she said something I've never forgotten, she said how interesting some of them are, how cool they are, but questioned where did they get that from? Because that was not what she read.

Life happens, other priorities come into play and I've adopted another way of reading, I read OP every 6 months, no more theories, no more youtube chancela, another way of reading that brought me great satisfaction, I've done the same with Doctor Stone, Golden Kamuy, MHA and JJK.

I read in my own time, without interacting with fandom, without theories, I read what's on the pages, I read the author's work and not the collective and creative mind of the  fandom and it's only now, with the end of jjk, that I've started to read what the fandom has to say and I feel like I've read a different manga from what some of the fandom has read.

I saw JJK as a manga with a simple and straightforward story, with excellent panels, great sense of movement, great fight choreography, and a real pout porri of ideas that the older you are or the more you've seen, the more references and inspirations (from tv, movies, super sentais and other anime/manga) you notice.

But it's still a simple story, from which you can draw depth and interesting discussions, but simple in its essence.

With only 4 or 5 really important characters. With everything else being used as a means to created a more digestive bridge for a straightforward path to the conclusion and its include side characters and side plots. The character have a function, he executes that function and he is gone (dead or forgoteen) the same goes for some parts of the story (is that the best way to write it? I don't know...I think it's a very peculiar and cold one...but it's one clearly and deliberately chosen)

It's like that with the invasion of the American army, with the clans, with the Tengen/Kenjaku/Sukuna relationship... you get a glimpse but no elaboration, because to continue with the evolution and conclusion of the journey of these 5 core characters you don't need that elaboration.

Did that work?

In my view, it worked for 4 of the 5...

1 of them suffered from this choice... but the balance was positive in the end.

I say 5 because I feel that the narrative isn't complete without them, we don't have the beginning of the story, nor the conflict, nor the middle, nor the end...

They are, in the order of their appearance in the manga, Megumi, Yuji, Sukuna, Gojo and Kenjaku.

The story begins with Sukuna and everything revolves around him, Yuji has a connection with him and eats his finger, Megumi first appearance is looking for him and then he finds Yuji and in the future becomes his vessel and his technique is of the utmost importance to Sukuna and Gojo arrives soon after, 4 of 5 right in the 1st chapter.

Kenjaku comes later in the manga, but he also has plans involving Sukuna, pacts with Sukuna...always Sukuna.

The power system, the importance and superiority of CE and CT, the preference for powerful techniques, the contempt for who isn't strong, all align with Sukuna.

Of these 5 characters, I'd say that 4 had great arcs and conclusions.

Yuji, Gojo, Kenjaku, Sukuna...the only one I wanted more was Megumi, he had an ok-ish conclusion in my opinion.

About the final chapter, Mahito was said to be the mirror of humanity, death, and him being there with Sukuna makes sense, Mahito is the mirror, and Sukuna remains faithful to what he said to Jogo (hit him and he'll do what Jogo wants) to what he said to Yorozu (losing is the same as dying, do what you want with my body) and is extremely adaptable, he never lost so his ways were never showed to be wrong...but in the end Yuji defeated him, so Sukuna in the afterlife accepts his defeat with alacrity and nobility, he adapts and is show to consider a new path.

Sukuna can thus be said to follow the two facets of Sukuna from Nihon Shoki and local legends, one of violent being, an evil despot, the other benevolent and protective being.

As Yuji himself said, you could say that the finger is now a talisman.

The story begins with Sukuna and ends with Sukuna and since JJK's world until then adhered to similar principles as Sukuna, his defeat and change could mean the change of that society itself, and this was made possible by a new generation, guided as far as possible and in Gojo's own peculiar way.

Kenjaku wanted chaos that he couldn't control, he got it, this chaos created Takaba, and Takaba gave him an illogical, chaotic fight, which he enjoyed so much that he didn't notice something that he had prepared so much for, he died, but as he told Choso, he did everything he did out of curiosity and entertainment, the merger could be an abonible being or a funny face, he would laugh if it was that. Takaba questioned him, if he wouldn't give it all up if he had fun...

Well, Takaba provided Kenjaku with everything he wanted, Kenjaku had his chaos, he had his entertainment, his fun, his bizarre face, his laughter.

I can't say enough about Gojo, not having interacted with the fandom, my impression is that Gojo is one of Gege's favorite characters, such is the care and appreciation I've seen for him in the manga second only to Sukuna in my opinion.

Not that the manga have no flaws, far from it, I've never been a big fan of how Gege likes to complicate explanations that could be much simpler and more succinct. Techniques and concepts explained several times, sometimes in different ways to make it more confusing...

But I read JJK with the perception of an action story, with comedy and lots of references and a few hints of tragedy, but I didnt saw the dark story, much less a story with a tragic ending.

Even in Shibuya, of the characters who are the good guys, who do we really lose? Nanami and, at the time, Nobara. Reading it in one go, it's a chaotic arc in which evwryhting goes wrong and the characters lose and it marks a change in the rhythm of the story, but that's it...

CG arc the characters all win, it's action and fun and deepening of some themes and characters (those characters have to have their arc concluded or their question/dilema ready for when they face Sukuna, after all Sukuna will answer their question/dilema, Kashimo/Gojo, or will defeat them because he is the strongest and them in one way or another still adhering to his path, till we get to Yuji)

But in CG arc is only after volumes of winnings that he finaly in the fight against Kenjaku, lose, and then Sukuna...Gege managed very well to bring the feeling that we're fucked, but Megumi would be saved because that's what he asked Yuji, and Yuji is the protagonist and will win in the end.

It's the pillars of shonen jump, friendship, effort and victory.

Thats why I can see how Gege succeed in create the dread atmosphere but cannot see the possibility of a dark or grim ending.

So the ending was very satisfying for me.

But I agreed it would have been beneficial to have 10 instead of 5 final chapters, or maybe give a few pages for us to see Megumi process what happened, just what Yuji had in the aftermath of Shibuya, I think I'd like his conclusion better to me.

I'm not saying that fandom is bad, it's good, great for sales, popularity, meeting people and getting to know other manga.

But I wanted to give a perspective from someone who read CG and the Gojo vs Suluna battle in one go, and everyone's battle against Sukuna after accumulating almost 6 months of chapters.

I didn't find Sukuna's death abrupt, because for me it was four and a half chapters of dialog, fighting and surprises...

Yes, I missed a moment for Megumi to have a ponder like Yuji, and Yuta returning to his body was an explanation that I just accepted, without questioning it too much because I didn't think it was the best of explanations, it was more Rika being the Macguffin that she is and was in JJK 0... the simple domain chapter was interesting, it shows the change, the different future that Gojo wanted, Takaba got his comedy partner and I thought it was hilarious, totally within his character and power.

The mission seeing that everything turned out well, a classic shonen trope, very similar to the beginning of JJK which is a classic shonen trope, with a special touch seeing Sukuna and the final image which is very similar to the beginning of the manga.

8 out of 10 for me.

It's worth buying and I will have this the manga in my memory with all my affection.

It certainly makes me excited to see what Gege will do again.

As for JJK part 2, which I've read people talking about in X, I don't see the point, but if he wants to do it I can see how JJK would allow such a choice

[forgottenfourr]

i saw you in a dream - university smau

---------------

chapter five - dreams✏️

---------------

warning: mentions of insanity, insomnia, and partial (very very small mention) of derealization!!

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a/n: from now on soul from p1h and mingyu from svt will also be smaller characters in the story so don’t be confused when they show up randomly in the next chapter!! they are just going to be a fun comedic relief characters :) i will put a short character reintroduction before the next update

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you have struggled with sleeping your entire life. never being able to fall asleep and then when you eventually pass out from pure exhaustion, the sleep was restless. you lost count of the doctors your parents took you to as a kid. each one coming to the same conclusion. there was nothing wrong with you perse. at least, nothing medically wrong. all of them told your parents that you'll grow out of it one day. that there was nothing they could do on their part besides run more tests that would evidently draw no conclusion and would just be a waste of time for both you and the doctors.

so you had to learn to live with it. you held onto hope that one day you would just magically grow out of it. but as the years drew on and you continued to sleep a most 10-15 hours a week, you just grew used to it. it was irritating most of the time. the constant drowsiness and dark circles under your eyes that never seem to go away.

due to your lack of sleep, you’ve never really had dreams before. at least, none that you could remember.

but recently that has changed. it seems now that every time you are able to sleep, even if it is just for a few minutes, you are drifted away into another dream.

but something is different about these dreams. when you wake up, you remember everything that happened in them. most importantly, you remember the boy that’s there in every dream. the boy you can’t seem to recognize. the boy you sworn you’ve never seen before. and you would surly remember him. he’s beautiful. his hair a white blonde and his brown eyes that look as if the entire universe is in them. and for someone you don’t know, you have grown quite fond of him. you don’t understand how he’s always there, his bright and warming smile welcoming you back to wherever this world is with him. but you aren’t complaining about it.

the dreams are long. or well they feel long at least. in the real world you could only be sleeping for 30 minutes but in the dream world you have already been there for days. you like the dream world. you find yourself anxiously waiting for the next time you fall asleep so you can go back there. so you can see mystery boy again.

neither of you ever bothered to ask for each others name. in fact, you guys don’t talk much. it’s more of a mutual understanding that you both are there together and are happy in each others presence. neither feeling the need to break the peaceful silence you have created. you cherish all of the times you guys have spent together. from the time you guys went cliff jumping to when he taught you how to play the guitar. you’re scared that you won’t be able to go back one day. that for some reason the next time you fall asleep there will just be black. even if you don’t understand why these dreams are happening or who he is, you yearn for them. even if it’s all fake. if it is just something your subconscious mind came up with.

of course, you haven’t told your friends about your dreams. sure, jisung might understand. or at least try to. but the others will just think you’re going crazy. which honestly, might be true.

you too have thought about the possibility of these dreams being some sort of sign of insanity or something else of the sort. it would make sense. you’ve been spreading yourself too thin for the past few months. never knowing when to say no and always wanting others around you to feel appreciated and happy. minho is constantly berating you for being a people pleaser, but you don’t know how to stop. and lately, people have taken notice of your kindness and the way you would drop everything instantly to help someone. between work, university, and your social life, you feel your grasp of yourself slowly slipping away from you.

the only thing that keeps you from losing your grip completely are the dreams. they make you feel happy and safe like before. maybe you were relying too much on the dreams but what does it matter? if you're going to have them you might as well enjoy them. enjoy him.

---------------

you got to the studio before chan this time. still reminiscing on the fantasy you were living just moments before.

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<<<prev masterlist next>>>

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tag list [open]

@thisisnotjacinta @ddextrr @puppymplushie @coffeesbestfriend @what-the-y2k @strawberry-dreamland @veryjeongintxtkid

[ldysmfrst]

I Got Interviewed!

Hello, dearest readers,

I had the honor of being interviewed by @psychosupernatural!

You may have seen the ask that was sent to my inbox.

After a mini-freak out for being asked in the first place, I agreed.

They also permitted me to share the interview with my readers!

I don't want to sound self-centered by sharing this with you.

I just thought that if someone was interested in knowing (even if it was for school), maybe others might want to know as well.

So here you go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’s your motivation for writing fanfiction?

I started my first story, ‘Breaking and Entering,’ for myself because it was the first winter after COVID-19 broke out, and the world was shut off from itself.  Then, after reading fanfics for the first time, I started writing my second story (Reciprocal Synergy) and stopped after no one paid any attention to it when I posted it on Tumblr and AO3.   After reading a fantastic story by @yoongiofmine, I was inspired to write American Mate—A BTS Hybrid Playmate AU. I was initially going to keep it to myself because the online world had already shot down one of my stories, so why do it again? My oldest child (15 years old) said, “So what? Do it for yourself.” And I did.

I tell newer or struggling veteran writers, “Write for yourself. Enjoy what you wrote. Somewhere out there, someone else will match your freak. Someone else will want to escape into your world. Someone else needs to feel that support, even from a character in a story on their electronic device.”  At this point, it's like an inner mantra.

How have you learned to write good fanfiction?

First, it is still being determined whether my fanfiction is good. Like all works of art and creativity, what I do may not be everyone’s cup of tea.  The fanfic that I write takes a lot of time to cultivate. Most of my time is spent researching anything from sciences and behaviors to interviews and documentaries. The ability to tie facts into my works is what I think sets me into a category that draws in others because it makes it subconsciously believable despite the characters being werewolves, hybrids, aliens, or soul mates with abilities.  I also use my American Sign Language and Psychology education to help build these miniature universes. When I write, I consider the characters' psychological aspects, internal processes, and non-verbal communication. For works that also include animalistic tendencies, I research that to the furthest of my ability. I have done it so frequently that my city's large animal and exotic animal veterinarian has helped me several times. This can make the writing good if the readers want to read it. 

How do you judge the quality of your fics? 

Quality requires consistency and continuity. If side notes, footnotes, or character reference sheets are not used to ensure a solid foundation in the story, the reader will be confused. That confusion, that difficulty to read fluidly, is where the quality lies.  I could have a fantastic idea, but if it is not easy to read, no one will read it.  As for the wording, grammar, and the like, I practically failed every English class. My degrees are very much fact-based research papers written in MLA and APA. Due to my horrible history with writing, I never had the guts to take something like a creative writing course, although I have had a poem published worldwide.  When I read something I have written, if it pulls me back into the story and makes me want to read on and keep writing, it has good enough quality to show others. 

How did you / do you learn the “rules” and conventions of fanfiction?

I don’t think I have to be honest. There are common boundaries of respect, such as placing warnings, indicating where adult themes start and end, and noting where influences have come from. As a writer, I follow these out of a desire not to shock or trigger my reader and to support other fanfic writers.  I have been the reader who started reading an out-of-this-world fanfic and was thrown into a panic attack because there was no warning. I ended up messaging that writer and letting them know they have a trigger in their story. That writer was shocked that the story was triggering. When I explained that it was gracing the edge of being a particular type of fanfic, yandere, and how it was doing that, the writer understood and updated the warnings.  Unfortunately, fanfics do not have a predetermined set of rules that everyone is made aware of before starting their fanfic writing journey. It is a game of mimicking with individualizations sprinkled in. Also, as a writer, you have to be able to take in the thoughts of your readers and make adjustments without taking offense to that feedback.

Do you tend to stick to only one fandom, or do you migrate from one fandom to another?

I migrate fandoms.  My first fanfic was ‘Breaking and Entering,’ an original Young Adult high school werewolf story. I started writing it because I was bored while having COVID.  One of my most popular fanfics, American Mate, was inspired oddly. I read a BTS fanfic written by Yoongieofmine. The Playmate AU aspect of her story caught my attention because BTS is not among the top K–pop groups I follow. However, that story made my mind run with the thoughts of combining Playmates with Hybrids. I ended up writing Yoongieofmine and asking permission to write ‘American Mate.’ I have also written for other K-pop groups, Ateez and Stray Kids, and a Thai Boy-Love Drama, KinnPorsche.

What sort of relationship exists between you as a writer and the characters that you create on the page?

Interesting question, to be honest or not…  All of my stories, except the werewolf ‘Breaking and Entering’ story, are written in a y/n style, meaning the main character is the reader. These stories are written to pull the reader into them by negating a leading character name and replacing it with the notation y/n = your name.  I have to put myself in that leading character role to write these stories.  I fully understand that the stories are just that– stories. None of what is written is in any way possible. Still, while the reader or I read the story, I do my best to immerse myself in the place of the leading character and have those relationships, experiences, trials, and fears with the other characters.  Each chapter that is written starts as a dream or fantasy that I have personally had. Those give me an outline to work with, but I have had the experience where I am so into and connected with the characters that when I stop writing, I think, “wait, what happened?” So, I have to go back to read over what I have written, and then it's a moment of “Oh!! That is what I wrote. Well, that came out of nowhere.” Simply, I have a connection with them because I don’t think I could write them if I didn’t; however, I am not delusional enough to think they are anything more than words on a page. 

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[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

[maleficore]

How many references of the same damn character can I make before I get bored?

Yes.

Some design and related rambles below because I'm in A Mood

There's uhh, selfharm mentions in there on top of the typical Durge shit. Just in case anyone needs a heads up.

I keep tweaking his design every time I draw him, but I think I'm decently happy with it now? It's mainly the burn scar that has been annoying me because I both want it to unique but still somewhat fit the game texture..

I wish I knew how to mess with texture maps to make him custom ones so that all the scars in game match The Lore, but ughh learning that is way too much work.

The scar run down so far:

THE BURN SCAR is a souvenir from Cania. It covers almost the entire upper left half of his body, but on his arm it ends abruptly at the elbow because the explosion that caused it took off his whole forearm so the limb is "brand new" and therefore, scarless.

Yes, he can regrow limbs like an axolotl. However here, I think healing magic was involved too. Just because of how extensive the damage was. I'm imagining his forearm blown off and what's left of his arm charred nearly to the bone. Same with his face, his cheek was definitely gone. An absolutely terrifying image and one that's for sure seared into Gortash's brain forever.

THE VIVISECTION SCAR is Kressa's work of course, but its shape is pretty atypical for how most of the fandom does Durge's scars. The arms of the Y incision don't extend towards his shoulders and go underneath his pectorals instead. It's mostly because his organs have fuck all to do with the tadpole Kressa was studying so I headcanon those experiments to have been done purely for sexual gratification, not scientific at all. Which makes cracking open his ribcage feel like too much of a hassle to me, she can still get in there for a rummage through his stomach after all.

THE SMALL STOMACH AND CHEST SCARS are all stab wounds. I like to think they would've healed fully long ago, but Ezra subconsciously keeps that from happening because they're like mementos to him. It was... a religious/masochism thing between him and Helena. A tad messed up, but he liked her a lot okay.

THE THIGH SCARS are self inflicted. Some are cuts, some poor, frenzied attempts at flaying the skin off to maximise the pain. They start to fade and heal post tadpole because he forgot about the habit thanks to the orinbotomy, but he used to pretty much selfharm his emotions away. Sad? Pain. Affectionate? Pain. Guilty? Nothing some more pain can't fix! It started in his youth when selfharm was his only way to get some clarity of mind when the Urge started to muddy his thoughts and it escalated from there to using it for everything.

THE HAND SCAR is also of the self inflicted kind, but that one is really old. He was around 12 when he stabbed his hand out of fear that if he didn't use the knife he was given to hurt himself, he was going to cause harm to someone else. It was pretty soon after killing his foster parents so the panic was understandable, got him banned from the kitchen for years tho. The scar never faded completely because he was really weak and sickly as a kid due to not feeding the Urge, which messed with his healing abilities (amongst other things) making it stick.

THE HEART SCAR is an another old one. It's from the wound he was killed with when he transformed into the Slayer for the first time. It's symbolic and one of those scars that don't heal because he doesn't want them to. It marks the death of the person he was before Bhaal and serves as a reminder of that whole event. The paladin who killed him (a close friend and mentor actually so that's fun) ran him straight through with a sword so there's a matching scar on his back too.

Those have all pretty much always been there and the only change is the lore of the stab wound scars, though. I just felt like talking about them because I like giving those things A Story.

And since I'm already babbling, I also added some stuff!

He didn't use to have his nails painted post nautiloid, but I had the bright idea of Shadowheart seeing the remnants of chipped off nail polish and because of that offering to do them for him at some point. Probably not until act 3 when they finally reach civilization, but still!

I once mentioned in passing that he collects rings and never implemented that into his design, but here it is now! It's mostly a case of him feeling like he should wear a ring out of habit and ending up going a bit ham with it.

Old wedding band mark :) only sticks around for a bit post nautiloid and eventually disappears, but I still included it anyway for the angst. You understand.

One day I'll do a proper colour reference and decent art of his clothing to go with it, but this will do for now. I just love him so much, he can fit so much lore on him and it's driving me a bit crazy. My beloved hairy bastard man.

[midorisudachi]

"We are ridiculously awesome!" - Zevran Arainai (after winning a battle)

Happy December, loves! How are we already at the end of the year? I have felt incredibly scatter-brained this entire year, due to how fast it has been flying by. I feel as if I didn't get anything (that I had planned to do this year) done. Does anybody else feel that way? I had all these ideas in my head to drawn Dragon Age Inquisition characters every other Monday until Dragon Age Day...which was December 4th...and I did not accomplish my goal! Life catches up to you, ya now?

Zevran is absolutely delightful in Dragon Age Origins. He has no shame in what he says...zero filters with his words! Ha ha! He has the best conversations with the characters and I love his bantering. He's my favourite bisexual elf! I had decided to draw him in a heavy armour...I think it was the "Ceremonial Armour".

Some of my favourite Zevran quotes:

"Elves plant these trees to remind themselves of who they once were. And then they pee on it. Charming symbolism, really." - At the vhenadhal tree.)

"How did I get here? What happened to all those luscious wood nymphs?" - After waking up from the Sloth Demon tricking him

"Hmm... Anyone up for a little bit of naked cliffdiving? No?" - At Redcliffe

And the best one:

Zevran: Might I offer you a bit of advice, my good friend Alistair?

Alistair: I like my hair the way it is, thank you.

Zevran: Truly? As you wish... though my advice is regarding something else completely. It has to do with your recent... exertions with your fellow Grey Warden that I overheard.

Alistair: My...? Oh.

Zevran: It did seem as if you just got going when all grew quiet. You are... feeling all right, yes? Perhaps you are tired?

Alistair: We aren't talking about this, are we? Did I hit my head?

Zevran: I have some roots from home that you may chew if you need energy. As for volume, perhaps you ought to try arching your--

Alistair: Whoa! Whoa! Awkward!

Zevran: You Fereldens are so finicky. How will you ever learn how to pleasure each other unless you talk about it?

Alistair: Not listening! La la la la la!

I hope everybody likes this fan art! Notice the date on it? Yes! I drew this a year ago. Why did I not post it on Tumblr before? *Facepalm* Really though...I hope this is well received & enjoyed. This year I have felt like a failure when it comes to art, for it honestly seems like people prefer digital art over traditional art. Is this so? I love traditional art...I don't want it to die out. Even worse is that some people prefer AI "art" (more like ART THEFT!) over real artists. It can be hard to be an artist sometimes. Don't get me wrong. I love digi art, too. But often my heart yearns for more traditional artwork, as it often gets tossed aside. I feel that is one reason why I had not done well with my art on Instagram. From now on, I will only be posting art here on Tumblr. Thank you to ALL of you who have liked and shared my artwork. You mean a lot to me and I appreciate you in supporting me. PLEASE let me know if you draw Dragon Age fan art, too! I'd love to see it.

Drawn with Sakura Pigma Micron pens and then coloured in with a mix of Copics and Ohuhu markers. White accents done with a gel pen. Background was done in Photoshop Elements.

Zevran Arainai & Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware & Electronic Arts

[agentnico]

Blue Eye Samurai - Season 1 (2023) Review

Don't think I've ever seen so much human genitalia in animated form all in one go. Makes me wonder if the production team had a designated animator of genitals who literally just spent his time drawing penises for the show. If so, I hope it was Jonah Hill as he already proved in Superbad that he is the perfect artist for this subject.

Plot: Driven by a dream of revenge against those who made her an outcast in Edo-period Japan, a young warrior cuts a bloody path toward her destiny.

Netflix consistently hashes out so much content every week, that it is hard to keep up with any of it, as such many great projects get missed and are forever lost in the streamer's endless library void. Luckily Blue Eye Samurai didn't pass my scrolling and evidently has its fan base, as this is one of the quickest examples of the streaming giant announcing a season renewal after release. Yep, Blue Eye Samurai will be getting a second season which is amazing as this is a superb new series that if you haven't yet discovered then you are doing yourself a disservice and should amend that behaviour immediately and go watch it! Still need persuading? Alright, sit yourself down and allow me to gush about Blue Eye Samurai!...

It’s hard to overstate just how stunning Blue Eye Samurai is to look at. The series uses a mix of 2D and 3D animation styles to create landscapes and characters who seem only a few degrees removed from live-action, even as the form allows for combat on a scale that would cost several large fortunes to craft with flesh-and-blood actors. In fact, looking at the behind-the-scenes the team hired an actual martial arts choreographer to support in creating the combat sequences in real life with real people, and then the movements of those fights were transferred to animation and used in the final product. In one episode (seemingly inspired by the 1978 martial arts film Enter the Game of Death where Bruce Lee had to fight his way up to the tower to get to the last floor) the main samurai Mizu must defeat multiple bosses on each level of the season's big bad Fowler’s impregnable fortress home, and each separate battle is a work of art in itself. Honestly, the show just looks like a moving painting, with every frame absolutely jaw-dropping gorgeous. Even without dialogue or characterization, it would be completely engrossing.

Luckily, writers Michael Green and Amber Noizumi are as interested in the people at the center of these crazy fights as they are in the many improbable techniques Mizu uses against her opponents. Mizu is presented throughout as both supernatural and deeply human. She can handle any odds, and come back from every injury that would cripple or kill a normal person. But the series never loses sight of what a life wholly devoted to revenge has cost her, and the ways in which she has turned herself into every bit the monster that her countrymen believe her to be.

It is then also the exploration of how Mizu interacts with the other characters in this world. There's the disabled would-be apprentice Ringo (played warmly by Masi Oka), who has learned to navigate life despite his lumbering size and lack of hands. Mizu has no interest in a sidekick, but Ringo gradually wears her down, as if he’s a peaceful stream flowing against a rock over hundreds of years. There's also Taigen (Darren Barnett), a warrior chasing after Mizu to collect a debt of honour, yet due to this honour he ends up helping her as in his eyes only he has the right to kill her, no one else, so ends up attacking those that attempt to harm her. Brenda Song voices the princess Akemi, who is just as eager to escape the bonds of Edo society as Mizu is, but who uses very different methods to achieve that. We follow her journey through an intimate tour of the area brothels, which is where the aforementioned heaviness of nudity comes in. There is, in fact, a lot of naked flesh on display throughout the season. The series can be just as graphic in depicting sex as it is in violence, yet both avoid feeling gratuitous. And finally, there's Kenneth Branagh as this season's big bad Fowler, a despicable arms dealer who has no sense of morality or empathy and is willing to destroy anything standing in his path. He's a massive presence and seemingly the only one able to hold himself in a fight against Mizu, hence why Branagh's British snark yet heavy tone fits perfectly here.

The whole thing is an incredible, utterly badass example of how animation can be used to create worlds, characters, and adventure every bit as vivid as live-action if not more at times. Even though I would say there are a few areas of pacing issues, which withheld me from binging this season all in one go and instead had me taking regular break intervals throughout, this is still a stellar show and one that you can tell was created by a team of passionate filmmakers and artists. Blue Eye Samurai would never have had the impact it did had it been live-action - using animation as its storytelling medium elevated it to a masterpiece in my opinion. Kudos to everyone involved in such an amazing project and I can’t WAIT to see more!

Overall score: 8/10