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argylepiratewd · 4 years ago

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2020 (Fanfiction) In Review

Tagged by @vegetarianvampireduck and @branwyn-says

Fics written this year: I, uh...AO3 says I somehow posted 38 fics? 160,990 words. JFC. 34 of those were for Person of Interest, 3 Forever, 2 original work

The ones over 1k words were:

Building Safer Houses - POI, Finch/Reese, 67k. Harold gets stabbed, and John stays with him as he recovers. There’s lots of pining and lots of h/c.

The first fic in the series, Resilience of Birds, is just over 1k, and features the immediate aftermath of the stabbing, where Harold collapses in John’s arms.

in a world that isn’t hers - POI, Finch/Reese/Grace, 26k. Grace gets shot during Beta, and Harold and John whisk her away to a safehouse in the middle of nowhere to heal. I somehow wrote this thing in a week.

Signs of Life - POI, Finch/Reese, 15k. John survives the finale, and lies around in a hospital bed miserably, until Harold shows up. Then he lies around in a hospital bed less miserably. I started this one in 2019 and had a hell of a time getting it to come together properly.

Satisfactory Conclusions, POI, Finch/Reese, 5.9k. A/B/O mpreg. Harold gets pregnant by an OC, and the pregnancy is a bit rocky. John loves him very much. Another fic I started back in 2019 and had trouble with.

Set the World Down, POI, Finch/Reese, 4.7k. Harold overworks himself. John gives him a nice, brain-melting back rub.

the science of touch, POI, Finch/Reese, 3.8k. NSFW. Harold is not used to being touched. John loves touching him. Harold loves John, so it works out.

Abundance, Original Work, Chubby Male Librarian/Male Book-lover Who Turns Out to be a Belly-Lover Too, 3k. NSFW-ish. Fluffy original chubby/belly kink fic.

potential energy, POI, Finch/Reese, 3k. Literal tech wizard Harold is very very sleepy. John knows the best place for him to be is a nice, comfy bed.

Just Hold on Tighter, POI, Finch/Reese, 3k. Five times John and Harold hugged, and one time they did more. We were CHEATED. They should’ve HUGGED.

heart to heart and hand in hand, POI, Finch/Reese, background Root/Shaw, 2.9k. Post-finale Christmas. Everyone is nursing wounds but is alive. Fluff.

Make a Guy Feel Special, POI, Fusco/Reese, 2.5k. John breaks into Lionel’s apartment and cooks dinner for him. (Writing Fusco is always so much fun. He’s so grumpy. It’s great.)

romance of the maybe undeserving, POI, Finch/Reese, 2k. Harold confesses his feelings. John claims he doesn’t feel the same.

A Worthy Buyer, POI/Forever, Finch/Henry, 1.7k. Harold and Henry meet and like each other immediately. Another fic I started in 2019.

A Snow Globe Life, POI, Finch/Reese, 1.5k. Over a year after Samaritan’s fall, Harold and John celebrate Christmas.

like a complicated line of code, POI, Finch/Reese, 1k. John accidentally reveals his attraction to Harold’s belly. I think this might be another I started in 2019.

and if that hacking bird won’t sing, POI, Finch/Reese, 1k. John can’t sleep. Harold hums him a tune. It’s a bit unconventional.

home for the new year, POI, Finch/Reese, 1k. Harold and John ring in a new year together. Last fic of 2020!

The rest are here!

Takeaways from reflecting on your kick-ass writing, or kick-ass lack of writing, during a year more focused on survival than perhaps any other: Biggest takeaway is that I need to take better care of my wrists. Some of that lesson was learned at work, when I had to type up a ton of subscriber information, but some of it was from unwise writing decisions. Breaks are good. I must take more of them as I write.

Another? I really like hurt/comfort. And fluff. I wrote a lot of fluff and h/c and fluffy h/c in 2020. It felt Necessary.

And fanfic is a really great place to escape to when the world is shitty in a bunch of different ways. I already knew that, but it was reemphasized again and again and again throughout the year. The fact that my escape brought some joy to other people who needed it was an excellent bonus. I really love it when my words bring people happiness. It blows my mind, but I love it.

Most surprising fic you wrote this year: Building Safer Houses. I did not expect to write a fic that long, especially during a trash fire of a year. 67k, wtf? It was not supposed to be that long! I had a lot of fun writing it, though, and I’m really happy with how it turned out.

How you’ve grown as a writer this year: I think I’ve started to figure out what it takes for me to write longfic a bit better, and I’m hoping to change that from writing an ungodly amount of words in a short amount of time to writing an ungodly amount of words in a period of time that does not cause wrist pain in the future.

I’ve also made a lot of progress in the being happy with my own writing department. I’m getting better at writing. I can tell I’m getting better at writing. And I’m getting better at enjoying my own writing. There’s still some “I’m not the right writer for that” going on, still some areas I know I need to improve in, but it’s not as bad as it once was.

What’s coming in 2021: I don’t know! More of the same? I’ve been having a blast writing POI fic. I see no reason not to keep it up. Other than that, I don’t know! I’ve got a few WIPs in my files that I’d like to finish, a few ideas I still want to explore, a prompt in my inbox that I still want to fill, a few exchanges I really want to sign up for...

I’d kind of like to experiment with more pairings, but I also really, really love writing Rinch...so many options!

Also, after rewatching Forever, I really want to revisit the WIP I call The Het Mpreg From Hell or The Het Mpreg of Doom at some point in 2021. I got 150k into that thing. It’d be ridiculous if I never finished it. Will this be the year? Even I don’t know.

And I think I need to, at the very least, seriously consider experimenting with writing using speech-to-text. I’m a really private person and hate the idea of writing my stories out loud, but I need to give it some very serious thought. Eventually.

But I have one more exchange deadline on the horizon, and then I am free to do whatever I want for a while.

Not tagging anyone--feel free to do this if you want!

#wd answers #wd writes #person of interest #forever tv #poi #forever abc

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five-wow · 5 years ago

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10.19!!! watched it, had thoughts about it, wrote them down. the usual under the cut.

there is a random man in steve’s kitchen (is it the helicopter guy? i... don’t know him well enough to be sure but i am genuinely unsure who else it would be) wearing a “seals do it better” apron while he’s cooking and talking to junior about how this recipe helped him “seal the deal” with the love of his life. okay, random man. you’re not acknowledging it, but you just made a seal pun, so you have my attention.

btw, for a good long moment i genuinely thought this guy might be danny in some kind of weird dream sequence future. i mean, old danny in steve’s kitchen wearing a seal-themed apron and making waffles? i wouldn’t hate it.

junior about how it’s going with tani: “it’s amazing.” okay a) YAY and THAT IS VERY CUTE and b) even so, it’s hilarious to me when random guy says “sounds like you’ve got it bad” just based on junior saying that it’s amazing while he kind of smiles vaguely. cute as it was, it wasn’t a passionate love declaration.

junior lies in bed awake at night dreaming of his thing with tani working out (and not sleeping because he’s scared it might not) and i just !! he’s a smitten mess over her and i adore it, even though his level of anxiety sounds like it’s a little detrimental for his sleep, omg.

fjdkfd we get a scene of adam and quinn who went surfing together and OF COURSE they’re standing under the beach showers as they talk because i feel like adam is literally contractually obligated to have a certain number of shower scenes each season.

tani!! gave quinn!! some surfing pointers!! let’s review: we know that tani is really great at surfing and definitely better than junior, because we had a scene once of them getting back from a surfing trip and junior was slightly pouty over it and tani was absolutely unwilling to downplay her own skill and it was Very Good, and now, in these last few episodes, tani was first present during noelani’s surfing lessons and now she’s apparently been giving quinn advice, and the idea of the h50 women hanging out? the idea of tani being supportive and sharing her knowledge? it’s all so good, ahhh. (ALSO. my mighty need for tani and kono to meet grows with each and every mention of tani’s surfing skill.)

oh my gOD i wrote that bit in brackets and hit play on the episode and IMMEDIATELY adam says that he’s used to being second best in the ocean because “my ex wife was a pro surfer, and very competitive.” YES. GOOD. LOVE THE KONO REFERENCE.

quinn gets a dramatic call from an olivia! i read an episode description, so i know that’s her ex-step daughter. i’m a little hesitant about this “btw quinn has an ex-husband” subplot, but also curious to see where they’re going with it, and quinn jumping to help out a teen girl that she still has a strong bond with is an angle of approach that could potentially be very very relevant to my interests.

cows! “moooo” say the cows, quietly, under the music. they’re not important or plot-relevant, i just like cows.

fjdkfd olivia has a Bad Dad and yes, i do want quinn to adopt her now. it could be good! she could swap tips with steve about how to let your adopted teen know they’re loved and safe and worth so much more than what their parents gave them.

tani to junior: “what, you think i didn’t have a life before i met you?” junior’s eyes: [shoot up to steve, standing right behind tani, who is junior’s mentor AND boss, making it slightly awkward to have a relationship talk right in front of him during work hours] POOR BOY (but also, yes, tani, tell him).

junior is now obsessed with the mystery of why tani is so familiar with a random rancher bar an hour away from her house, and to be honest, so am i.

tani wON A LINE DANCING COMPETITION FOUR WEEKS IN A ROW. that is the BEST solution to the mystery, my gosh.

tani: [brags about her line dancing skills and calls herself the queen] junior: “who are you?” fdjkfdjkfd junior, i don’t even know why you’re suprised that a) tani slays at something she did or b) she is utterly unapologetic about that fact.

olivia says that maybe quinn could come watch her play volleybal some time and quinn says that she’d love to but it’s complicated and don’t do that, quinn! my heart hurts now!

OKAY so olivia isn’t doing cheer this year even though she was captain the previous year and she makes up an excuse about it being because of the other girls but it’s actually about HER DAD taking the money that quinn gave her for a UNIFORM which means she probably couldn’t even try out and I HATE THIS. find your ex and kick his ass, quinn.

lou, after talking about macadamia farming: “but here’s where the story gets a littllllle... nutty.” tani, fistpumping: “nice one.” punner solidarity!! good stuff, good stuff. (though i do wonder what happened to danny’s punning streak in later seasons. anyone remember 1.14, when he joked about the head in a box? he’s lost his appreciation for this fine art and it’s a tragedy, honestly.)

quinn has enlisted adam’s help in tracking her ex (jake) down and she’s telling adam a little about how she never thought she’d fall for a guy like him but he was charming, and then she says “and olivia” and THAT’S when she really smiles, and look, PLEASE don’t let this episode end with olivia still living with her dad because will have to write fix-it fic.

quinn: “i haven’t told anybody i was married, not even steve.” that’s cool, but like, do we believe that means steve doesn’t know? if his background checks haven’t gone completely downhill in the last few years, i would assume he’s figured this out, right? (i love quinn’s “in case you haven’t noticed, i’m not really a sharer” that she adds, because it fits with her personality and it’s just nice to have a female character that’s allowed to be a little secretive about her past in a way that doesn’t feel, idk, sensationalized.)

i have seen a lot of gifs of this episode by now and they’re all of steve and danny and the horses so i’ve seen most of their very polite discussion that ensues when danny calls steve out on not asking him if he wants to ride along, but it’s still utterly glorious. grace gets mentioned, too! and the way danny ends it with “why don’t you try to keep up?” as he passes in front of steve, with steve watching him go? that is flirting. blatant flirting in front of all of their poor teammates. (at least now junior can feel a little less awkward about bringing his relationship with him on the job!)

fjdkfdjk lou’s “all this and they still go time to argue, isn’t that nice?” is A+

steve and danny, as they’re super leisurely chasing some criminals through the woods on horseback: yes, this would be a good time to make up an argument about absolutely nothing at all.

oh gosh, okay, danny says “you know i can uh, i can hear you at night” and steve’s response is “why don’t you get some earplugs?” and um. uh. it’s followed by context, i know, but come on, jfc.

“when i moved in a couple months ago” he’s just GOING for it now, omg. not “came to stay with you”, no attempt at hiding that he’s been staying with steve for literal months at this point - just. when i moved in. a couple months ago.

(i am obviously also very aware of what danny is saying about steve not sleeping and how that’s a new thing because it wasn’t like that a few months ago and steve’s evasiness about it and i am VERY WORRIED ABOUT THAT but i’m also electing to somewhat ignore it because. my god. screw that. we don’t want any of where that seems to be headed in this house.)

“i appreciate it. thank you.” this is growth and it’s good and it’s steve realizing that maybe just his quippy putdown isn’t enough of a response to danny’s genuine offer of support! (and again, we’re not thinking about reasons why he might want to think twice about how he treats danny so danny will know he’s appreciated, because there is no reason for steve to be worried about that, because nothing is going to happen.)

steve: “cuff him, danno.” DANNO. danno has returned from war!!

fjdkfd and then steve says it again in like, the next sentence he says. really cramming in those danno’s suddenly.

oh noooooo. quinn tells adam that jake could be a very good dad (which is valid! addiction is a disease and it’s good to know he wasn’t always like this to olivia, even if i don’t think it excuses what’s happening now), but then she says that jake was all the things she always wished her own dad could be and that maybe that’s why she was so drawn to him, and. okay. did not need that. h50 has a tendency to make women compare their love interests to their dads that makes me very uncomfortable. (the other big one that springs to mind is when abby and chin are courting and chin opens a car door for abby and she says something about how she always admired chivalry in her dad and she thought that died out with his generation and it’s this weird thing where she seems to be flirting by going “wink wonk you make me think of my dad” and oh my god. let’s just say it’s very much not my thing.)

steve and danny end up holed up in a cabin while seven people shoot at them and ahhh, just like old times. also just like last episode, to be honest, with the whole cabin filled with poison thing, but at least there’s no poison this time! that’s a plus!

steve’s improv involves LASSO’ING a guy i’m screaming

dude gets the drop on steve, they have an epic fight, steve HITS HIS HEAD and the dude picks up a GIANT LOG to hulksmash on steve’s head, presumably, and then danny swoops in to the rescue and!!! that’s also very much like old times!!! especially with this forest green color scheme and steve lying on the floor a little dazed it really reminds me of that episode with the girlscout troop in season 3.

(so. in this possible universe we’re not talking about where steve might be sick again and could be pacing at night because he knows or fears he’s going to die (you know the one) do you think that maybe part of why his first words to danny are “why’d you leave the cabin? that wasn’t the plan” is that he was kind of... hoping the other guy would get to finish him off? do you ever think about how steve mcgarrett, man of action, would almost definitely rather go out in a blaze of glory after taking out six guys all on his own with danny having his back, than after watching his own body slowly betray him and give out on him after losing a painful and drawn-out fight with itself?)

confused, frowny steve who almost definitely has a concussion and is also still very bloody is oddly cute, gosh. also, nincompoop! definitely one of danny’s most wonderful insults yet.

quinn gets her ex arrested and yells at him and tells him that if he doesn’t clean up his act, he’ll lose custody of his daughter, and then she drives away and she’s sobbing and trying not to and just !!!!! this was definitely the good kind of “quinn has an ex-husband” storyline, but also very painful.

the sunset scene! seen this in gifset too, but hoooo boy, it hits very differently with actual sound. (i may also have described the scene to my sister and mentioned the “probably ‘cause i figured i’d see a million more” and her immediate response was “oooh, he’s dead” and yES, that’s what i was TELLING YOU i’m worried about and also what i’m not thinking about so let’s just pretend i’m not typing these words right now.)

fdjkfdjkfd i’m sure that steve turning to danny just as he says “those are the things that you’re gonna miss the most in the end, you know” after mentioning things you see every day is just. a total coincidence. yeah. he’s totally just turning away from this sunset he was so entranced by a moment ago to look at danny’s face because he wants to stretch his neck. uh huh.

there’s banter about squirrels and it’s good and then steve says “admit it danny, you’re gonna miss this when it’s done” and that sounds very meta, omg, but it gets better when danny says “yeah, maybe, but i would never say it out loud” because that is literally a way to say it, out loud.

a very good episode!! i loved meeting olivia and learning about quinn’s background and there was some prime tani content and to top it off a lot of mcdanno in the second half, and if we just completely ignore that this episode also made my anxiety about the series finale skyrocket (which i knew it would, based on what i’d gathered of other people��s response to it, but that still didn’t accurately prepare me) it was wonderful and i liked it a lot!

#10.19 #h50 spoilers #h50 #I. DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT MIGHT BE AHEAD

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tellywoodtrash · 5 years ago

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Sanjivani - Weeks 7 + 8

Overall Plot

Sid and Ishani are about 10 minutes away from hardcore Love. And literally every single person knows and is rooting for it (including the security guards at Sanjivani/Ishani’s apartment complex!!!!!), except the two idiots themselves. Shashank is still dealing with the fallout of the thing with Juhi and the admin issues stemming from their unresolved issues, but small mercies, his relationship with Anjali seems to be looking up. Nurse Philo's daughter Jessica has been admitted mere days before her wedding and found to have a terminal illness and it's heartbreaking as fuck.

The Medical Stuff

Lol, does Ishani's "sickness" count? She's pretty convinced that she's dying of something serious, the way she was charting her symptoms and kept getting diagnostic test after diagnostic test, so I think it should. Glad she's finally gotten a diagnosis and the prognosis looks promising! Other than that, Nandini got operated on successfully by the Shashank-Juhi team, and the only active case we have is Jessica's Stage IV cancer. But I think that's going to focus more on the emotional side of things (getting her the dream wedding she wants), since it's at such an advanced stage that it wouldn't respond to treatment anyway.

The Acting

Thank the lord above, they have started giving Surbhi comedy to do, which is where she really shines as an actor. Namit is most excellent at heart eyes, and his crying has improved from the first few weeks; dialogue delivery still needs to be more polished though. Jason and Kunal are being used effectively by giving them hilarious, snarky scenes while they drill some sense into Ishani/Sid. Robin is still pretty much in the background other than to pop up and deliver the occasional wisecrack. Very sad to see Rashmi go, she'd really won my heart as Asha. The seniors got to ease up on the angsty scenes these weeks and I'm grateful for that; it's nice to see them loosen up a bit and smile and joke around. Special mention to Vedika Bhandari as Jessica, who's just ridiculously adorable and sooooooo likable, that I already am having trouble at the thought of letting her character go.

The Characters

Sid: MY DUDES, I DID NOT EXPECT TO FALL THIS HARD FOR SIDDHANT FUCKING MATHUR, BUT WELP, HERE WE ARE. I honestly cannot believe that this boy exists on Tellywood. Where to even start with him in these two weeks? How much younger than his years he seems when he was imploring his mom to stay to meet Shashank; his heart eyes when he wakes up to see Ishani first thing next morning (after waiting to see her the whole night!!!); his bashfulness at all the love he's getting from the whole hospital staff; his good-natured humoring of Ishani's weird behaviour... He's just so unassuming and Soft. I can't really recall seeing this lovable a male lead in tellywood in forever (all I can think of is Hussain K. characters in the early 2000s, in Krishna Arjun and Kumkum and all.) But by no means is Sid a pushover who tolerates any kind of BS. He rightfully rips Rishabh to shreds when he tries to discredit his relationship with Ishani, and understandably calls Ishani out on her nonsense when she's evading her duties, but in a decent way. There is some against-the-wall-caging (because Tellywood), but in a non-threatening manner; he maintains an appropriate distance, does not touch her, and while he does talk in a raised voice due to frustration, never does it veer into yelling that feels dangerous, and he repeatedly asks her if he said or did anything that's making her uncomfortable to be around him. I found it a little strange that he was so vehemently in denial of his feelings for Ishani in last week's episodes, because he seemed to readily accept after his conversation with Guddu Mama (“Halwa banaa ke leke jaaoon? Usko achcha lagega?" with the most hopeful smile; calling Ishani a "bohut hi pyaari si princess" to her face and specifying that he specifically made the halwa for her "pyaaaaar se", being open to the idea of marrying Ishani when Nurse Philo/Jessica jokingly suggest it....) but I guess it would be pretty incongruous for him to instantly fall hard for Ishani AND recognize it, with his past as a "player". So I like that they brought in one of his flings to contrast how different his feelings for Ishani are compared to the other girls he's dated; and subsequently how he's processing his many emotions about the situation. Most of all, I love that his feelings for Ishani don't hamper him from doing his job right; instead they just make him more sensitive to understanding her and making her feel good in any capacity that he can. He came all the way over to her house to apologize for making her cry, AND MADE HER PARATHAS!!!!!!! He slept over, but respectfully all scooched up on her tiny couch! What a goddamn Good Boi. Also, him crying over Jessica's diagnosis? Heart-fucking-breaking. We should all be so lucky to find a doctor who cares about his patients THIS much.

Ishani (or lol as Guddu Mama calls her, "Pareshaani"): I really was expecting the absolute worst with this "Ishani has Loveria" track. And it did not start out well; almost 3 whole episodes were just her puerile lovesick imagination waale music videos and that goddamn CGI titli and I was just like jfc whyyyyyyyyyy. BUT THEN!!!!!!! They finally started showing us the funny side of Ishani, and it's succeeded in making the character lovably kooky, instead of just unpleasant to be around. Her panic attack in the bathroom where she legit thinks she's having a stroke and tries to literally shake off the crush, making all the first year residents repeatedly do ECGs on her, her awkwardness around Sid, the rant where she bemoans falling in love with Sid of all people, her child-like crying to Asha when Sid finally gives her a dressing down for acting idiotic ("Mujhe ITNA daanta! ITNAAAA! Aur unprofessional bhi bola! *violently stabbing finger in the air* UNPROFESSIONAL!!!!!!!!"); all of it was just hilarious as fuck. We're finally seeing the endearing side of Ishani's addled personality. I'm also very glad she got the much-required wakeup call from Sid/Asha, that she's being very unprofessional by running away from her duties, and hopefully from here on, she'll be learn to focus on her job, even with Sid's distracting presence. She's also made quite a bit of progress when it comes to her germophobia; but realistically: it's only with Sid (and Asha) - the two people she's really close to; she's still seen being touch-averse with the rest, but slowly getting better; letting children touch her, offering to shake hands with Jessica and Jignesh, etc.

Asha & Aman: I'm super bummed that Rashmi is being replaced as Asha, because she was honestly so good in the role; cheerful and hilarious in most of her scenes, gentle and sensitive with Ishani, helping her out as much as she can with this inconvenient crush... It's not an easy role, with the accent and all. I hope this new actress is as competent as Rashmi, who always highlighted the humour but without making the accent the punchline; it was always the things she said and how she chooses to word it. It's an important distinction, to not make the regional background into a caricature.

Aman is Aman as usual, lol; vicariously getting kicks thanks to the shenanigans of everyone around. Also, to my surprise, Aman and Asha live together! They offer up their place for a party for Sid; when Ishani freaks out that the cake he ordered isn't Sid's favt. flavour, Aman just shrugs "Meri Asha ko butterscotch pasand hai." I still don't really know what his equation with Asha is, but whatever it is, I love it. Asha's a self-sufficient girl, but it's obvious that Aman feels really protective of her and wants to see her happy always. I really hope the new actress maintains this ambiguous chemistry with Robin too, till the writers decide what direction they wanna take this relationship in.

Dialogue of the Week: Asha [walking in on Ishani holding a sleeping Sid's hand]: Abbe! Humaare saamne toh badi "garma"phobic bani ghoomti hai, ab dekho Dr. Sid ke saath kaise touchy-wouchy ho rahi hai!!!!!!!!!!!

Rishabh: Fucking asshole. He Tried, but he's no match for the razor sharp wit of Sid, or Asha's jugaadu skills to relieve an overworked Ishani. Chal dafa ho, be! Manhoos kahinka.

Neil: He's really really enjoying Sid and Ishani's crushes on each other, taking the mick out of both of them at any given opportunity. I truly lmao-ed when he was seriously examining Ishani for an illness on her insistence and then eye-rollingly dismisses her with "Kuch nahi hua hai tumhe." Cutest snark bean.

Rahil: MY ACTUAL FAVE. Lmao, if Ishani’s got her little purple titli, then Rahil is Sid’s grownass plaid-shirt-wearing TITLA, who appears outta nowhere to serve up piping hot sass at his confused dumbassery. His acerbic, plain-speak snark seems to be the only language Sid understands (as opposed to the first years' gleeful teasing, or the good-natured ribbing of elders like Shashank and Philo and Guddu Mama), and him having to exasperatedly explain things to his boss-who-is-also-his-bff is just hilarious. I relish every single scene he appears in to the max! Also props to him for giving us the gem "same level ke ajeeb" as the OTP tag for SidIsha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shashank: A much better fortnight for Dr. Shashank! Two of his idiot babies are very obviously in love (that scene of Ishani showing him her reports and describing the butterfly through pantomime though, lmao) and now his relationship with Anjali is defrosting (the exchange about the surgeon she was interested in and how he wants grandkids from her??? The cutest!!!!) Things still remain frosty with Juhi though, and I don't understand why he won't just address the issue and clarify things in a straightforward manner, instead of dragging it out like this and making it awkward with his COS/mentee. Anyway, good on him for getting that win on Vardhan, but I feel like he needs to stop being so damn stubborn on his issues without giving reasons. It’s not helping matters around here, personally or professionally.

Juhi: Literally the classiest female professional on TV??????? She hasn't stopped holding Shashank accountable for how he sabotaged her career, but I love that she has sorted it out enough to work with him, but also engages in minor acts of pettiness like gleefully scraping his car with hers, cheekily grinning and apologizing saying she needed to get out some of the angst before they operated on a patient together. For what it's worth, I was fully on her side during the argument with Shashank about the machines for the hospital; it sounded like a good deal, but of course, she should have had the foresight to know Vardhan would try to do some kinda fuckery. She’s right in not really trusting Shashank anymore, but needs to be a little more prudent with how she proceeds while making decisions for Sanjivani. In a way, it’s really sad how she doesn’t really have any allies at her level. Shashank was the only one she could really rely on, and he went and blew that relationship up, and now she’s kinda adrift in the organization. I hope Shashank does good by her and repairs the relationship.

Anjali: Phew, finally a good break for Anjali. I'm ecstatic. She's realized that Vardhan's manipulating her and broken free of his gaslighting nonsense. She's much smarter than both Shashank and Vardhan thought she was and yes sis, play them both!!!!!!! She got her COS post, but also isn't playing by Vardhan's rules. Ultimate winner! But does she also have some romantic feelz for V? Coz that last scene between them had very intimate vibes, from the way she walked into his office and knew where the booze was, to her pouring him a glass and casually lounging against the wall like a wife/girlfriend would. She wasn't even really fazed when he grabbed her; either she's a hella strong woman who cannot be trifled with, or she's familiar with this side of him. I really hope it's the former coz she deserves someone who's a grown up version of Sid (*cough* Atul Joshi *cough*) who's super good and healthy for her, not this deceitful fuckwad.

Vardhan: What is his deal? No honestly, does he have some kinda personal stake in saving Sanjivani from financial ruin? It seems so, with how overwrought and devastated he seemed at Shashank exposing the machine waala scam. Also, the way he manhandled Anjali? Unforgivable. Die in a fire, scum.

Rahul: Still haven't seen him but apparently he's hiding in that secret room in the luxury ward? What the everloving experimental fuck is he doing with pregnant women who look to be unable to afford medical care? Nothing ethical, that's for sure. I have a feeling this will maybe tie up to Ishani's parents waala plot, but for the meanwhile, jfc, just reveal yourself man, coz this shit is getting scary as fuck the longer you go unseen.

Overall Rating: 5/5

#sanjivani #tt reviews #sanjivani (new)

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maximustherad · 7 years ago

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Skype Liveblog of Guardians of the Galaxy S01E12 “Crystal Blue Persuasion”

@thecorteztwins

[1:06:12 AM] Cool Dadneato: I found me an episode of the Guardians of the Galaxy show with Inhumans in it and if it's good I'm gonna liveblog

[1:06:21 AM] Cool Dadneato: or even if not

[1:06:25 AM] Hexiva: -chinhands-

[1:06:26 AM] Cool Dadneato: LIVEBLOG

[1:08:11 AM] Cool Dadneato: so Peter Quill is trying to teach his friends baseball, which sounds like an inherently awful idea

[1:08:58 AM] Cool Dadneato: they are trying but I don't think they even get the concept, much less the rules

[1:10:38 AM] Hexiva: I'm not sure I get the concept or rules

[1:11:48 AM] Cool Dadneato: ... I was going to side with the rest of the team here, BUT NOW I SIDE WITH PETER, BASEBALL IS VITAL KNOWLEDGE TO SHARE

[1:11:59 AM] Cool Dadneato: Lockjaw just appeared on board

[1:12:23 AM] Cool Dadneato: Rocket greets dogs by insulting them, I guess

[1:12:30 AM] Cool Dadneato: get off this ship

[1:13:01 AM] Cool Dadneato: why does Lockjaw have crystals stabbed in him

[1:13:52 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter, Gamora, and Lockjaw just teleported

[1:14:17 AM] Cool Dadneato: Rocket is not even perturbed

[1:15:04 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter is chasing Lockjaw through Attilan

[1:15:28 AM] Cool Dadneato: Lockjaw stole his baseball and Gamora is yelling to forget it

[1:16:09 AM] Cool Dadneato: forget you, Gamora, I've rped a lost in space Earth dude, this shit is important

[1:17:56 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter is yelling now about how he doesn't even care about the ball, now this is about how he feels like nobody ever listens to him

jeez, Peter, this is only a few minutes in

[1:20:21 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter: "So who's in distress?! There's nobody here but a giant, slobbering BASEBALL THIEF!!" -dramatic point-

[1:20:29 AM] Cool Dadneato: I want a gif of this

[1:21:16 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter is being so fucking sarcastic to this dog now omfg

[1:21:29 AM] Cool Dadneato: who teaches these people dog manners

[1:22:48 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter: "You see, on Earth it's totally hilarious."

Gamora: "I see why you don't go back."

[1:25:35 AM] Cool Dadneato: omfg, Lockjaw led Peter to some cryogen chambers and he opened one and it's Medusa and Peter said "aw it's like a princess" and made like he was going to kiss her and Medusa woke up to kick his ass

[1:26:13 AM] Cool Dadneato: kill him, Medusa

[1:26:30 AM] Cool Dadneato: feed his baseball to Lockjaw

[1:26:51 AM] Hexiva: MURDER HIM

[1:27:19 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa: "My husband would have words with you!"

[1:27:37 AM] Cool Dadneato: multiple ones? it's on then

[1:28:18 AM] Cool Dadneato: does she wait to say things like that

[1:31:43 AM] Cool Dadneato: meanwhile, I guess Groot, Drax, and Rocket finally decided to go look for Peter and Gamora

they seem very unrushed for people possibly doing rescuing

[1:32:02 AM] Hexiva: they're like "whatever he got himself into, he probably deserved it"

[1:32:29 AM] Cool Dadneato: yeah, they are all clearly thinking that

[1:33:54 AM] Cool Dadneato: they just tried to muss with crystal statues in the city, the crystals attacked

[1:35:33 AM | Edited 1:35:44 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa asked Peter if he's Kree and that's a surprisingly valid question

[1:35:57 AM] Hexiva: Kree rather than half-Celestial?

[1:37:31 AM] Cool Dadneato: Kree given the Inhuman context and that some Kree are white

in the 616 Peter is half Spartoi

[1:37:45 AM] Hexiva: What's a Spartoi

[1:37:56 AM] Cool Dadneato: and his dad once flirted with Medusa

[1:39:22 AM] Cool Dadneato: Spartoi look pretty much human but they are related to the Shi'ar somehow

[1:40:01 AM] Cool Dadneato: they come from Shi'ar space and share some common ancestor

[1:40:16 AM] Hexiva: what's their deal

[1:41:33 AM] Cool Dadneato: they have an Empire that's allied with the Shi'ar

[1:41:47 AM] Cool Dadneato: that's basically their thing

[1:41:49 AM] Hexiva: oh good, more douchebag empires

[1:42:11 AM] Hexiva: Aren't the Kree . . . like . . . blue . . .?

[1:42:12 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter's dad is J'Son, their emperor

[1:42:50 AM] Cool Dadneato: Kree are usually blue but they have a large white population

[1:43:08 AM] Cool Dadneato: like Mar-Vell and Noh-Varr

[1:43:14 AM] Hexiva: oh

[1:43:16 AM] Hexiva: that's weird

[1:43:20 AM] Cool Dadneato: yeah

[1:43:25 AM] Cool Dadneato: weird af

[1:43:29 AM] Cool Dadneato: why

[1:47:58 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus: "Cease this senseless attack, Alpha Primitives! Oh! This has all been a TERRIBLE misunderstanding! Oh, I'm SO very sorry about all this... I was expecting someone else."

omfg on a scale of 1 to A Steaming Pile of Filthy Dramatic Improv he's scoring a perfect Irving Braxiatel

[1:49:03 AM] Hexiva: DOES ANYONE BELIEVE YOU, MAXIMUS

[1:49:30 AM] Cool Dadneato: "I am Maximus... the Magnificent, Supreme Leader of the Inhumans."

[1:49:52 AM] Cool Dadneato: who let him out of the house

[1:51:56 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa and Maximus are giving their respective back stories for the Inhumans to their respective audiences and it's hilarious

[1:53:08 AM] Cool Dadneato: and yet I think the best part of all is that they are both delivering the same biased story

[1:53:30 AM] Hexiva: with the same biases?

[1:53:37 AM] Cool Dadneato: yes

[1:54:02 AM] Cool Dadneato: Inhumans are superior, peaceful, and did no wrong

[1:56:21 AM] Cool Dadneato: oh jfc, Medusa just informed Peter that they were escaping a plague on Earth, and she pulled back a sleeve to show crystals growing out of her skin, apparently Inhumans are suffering from some slow Terrigen death thing

[1:57:11 AM] Cool Dadneato: that explains all the crystals sticking out of Lockjaw

[1:59:13 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus is describing the plague to the others very dramatically, apparently it completely changed the slave caste, -dramatic fists- THEIR STRENGTH INCREASED A HUNDREDFOLD

[2:00:59 AM] Cool Dadneato: "Unfortunately, for the rest of us-- " -DRAMATIC PAUSE IN FRONT OF FROZEN BLACK BOLT- "It will prove quite fatal!"

[2:02:13 AM] Cool Dadneato: question, Mad Max, why is your esteemed dramafullness totally fine, you look the least sick of anybody and I call bullshit

[2:03:28 AM] Cool Dadneato: "Fortunately, I have found a cure! Soon, I'll have enough to save the rest of my family!"

sounds fake but okay

[2:04:25 AM] Cool Dadneato: "Even Black Bolt, my poor, mute brother."

aw, even him, in this fake story

[2:06:01 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa: "Since it was the Kree who created the Inhumans, we hoped they'd find a cure."

really? and how's that working out for you?

[2:07:26 AM] Cool Dadneato: for the record, the Inhumans are a race of slave WMDs to the Kree

[2:07:56 AM] Cool Dadneato: that doesn't sound like a place to start negotiations on

[2:10:12 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa: -GASPS- "My husband, the king, is missing!"

-checks the chamber next to his- "And so is his rat of a brother, Maximus!"

[2:10:25 AM] Cool Dadneato: :.) this fam

[2:20:39 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa: "What have you done with my husband, the king?!"

Rocket: "I thought you was the king."

Maximus: -ULTRA DRAMATIC SPIN- "By right, I should be! I isolated the Terrigen plague! I found the cure! While this one said nothing! DID NOTHING! UNTIL HE HIMSELF SUCCUMBED TO THE THREAT! Black Bolt is unworthy of the crown! Maximus is the true savior of the Inhumans!"

Rocket: "Okaaaaay... Well good luck with that."

[2:21:09 AM] Hexiva: that third person

[2:21:55 AM] Cool Dadneato: no time for theatre

[2:22:36 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa and Maximus are going to continue this without Rocket

[2:22:52 AM] Cool Dadneato: the show must go on

[2:25:12 AM] Cool Dadneato: "BEHOLD!"

Maximus, what am I beholding, will you please stop this bullshit if we put you on the Genetics Council with a cute title

[2:26:06 AM] Hexiva: why would you let that guy on the eugenics panel

[2:27:32 AM] Cool Dadneato: what damage can he possibly do there besides suggest terrible marriages

[2:27:43 AM] Cool Dadneato: "COMPLETE AND TOTAL MIND CONTROL!!!" -WILD LAUGHTER-

[2:28:09 AM] Cool Dadneato: okay fine, lock this fool up again

[2:31:08 AM] Cool Dadneato: "OBEY ME, BROTHER! DESTROY THEM! DESTROY THEM ALL!"

ho, they were such a decent audience

smack him in the mouth, Drax

[2:31:31 AM] Hexiva: maximus why

[2:32:16 AM] Cool Dadneato: Drax got his ass beat by mind-controlled Blackagar

[2:32:51 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus is looking through the hole in the wall

[2:33:05 AM] Cool Dadneato: AND LAUGHING AGAIN

[2:35:01 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus: "Finally! One of you will listen to what I say!"

I honestly wouldn't be shocked if that's what this is about

bitch needs attention

[2:36:13 AM] Cool Dadneato: Groot just got asskicked

[2:37:46 AM] Cool Dadneato: Gamora just got asskicked

[2:39:02 AM] Cool Dadneato: Rocket just got shrugged off because he's using an energy weapon and that's non-effective against Black Bolt

[2:39:54 AM] Cool Dadneato: my god Maximus is doing a little dance in the background

[2:40:06 AM] Cool Dadneato: while laughing

[2:42:02 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter decided to use Lockjaw to teleport behind Maximus and MAXIMUS BITCHSLAPPED HIM

[2:42:09 AM] Cool Dadneato: EMBARRASSING

[2:42:27 AM] Cool Dadneato: DEFEATED BY MAXIMUS

[2:42:35 AM] Hexiva: GOOD

[2:45:43 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter: "Don't... Make me open this box! Inside it is a weapon that can destroy the whole city!"

Maximus: "Oh?! This I must see. Open it!"

called

[2:48:07 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter: "No, you don't understand! We'll all be vaporised! Instantly!"

Maximus: "How exciting! Open it! Now!"

called again

[2:48:37 AM] Cool Dadneato: this isn't working Peter

[2:52:21 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter gave up and opened his box and there was a cosmic cube inside and the flash of light still managed to blind Maximus and make him lose control of Blackagar

[2:52:45 AM] Cool Dadneato: embarrassing, Maximus

[2:53:46 AM] Cool Dadneato: Blackagar immediately ran to Medusa and Maximus ran the fuck out

[2:56:24 AM] Cool Dadneato: they also found out the cube accelerated the crystal plague the Inhumans are infected with

[2:58:17 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter: "That's AWESOME!!"

Drax: "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

[3:00:40 AM] Cool Dadneato: RONAN THE ACCUSER JUST SHOWED UP

[3:01:22 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus: "Ah, see, I told you I was expecting someone else."

[3:02:22 AM] Cool Dadneato: yeah how does selling out your species feel you evil fuck

[3:06:52 AM] Cool Dadneato: Medusa: "Maximus! What. Have. You. DONE?!"

Maximus: -mimicking her tone- "Just. What. You. Wanted! I have formed an alliance with the Kreeee!"

[3:13:01 AM] Cool Dadneato: "I give them an invincible crystal army, and in return Attilan becomes part of the Kree Empire, with myself as Supreme Leader, of course."

you negotiated Attilan's unconditional surrender? you truly are our hero

[3:19:39 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter: "He can't do that. Ronan's an outlaw even among his own people."

Rocket: "You cut a deal with the one guy in the galaxy who's crazier than you!"

-Maximus' facial expression is beautiful-

[3:23:31 AM] Cool Dadneato: Ronan: "Get out of my sight, you filth."

Maximus: -pathetically- "But... I don't understand... !"

[3:24:40 AM] Cool Dadneato: jfc, Ronan just curbstomped Maximus

[3:26:11 AM] Cool Dadneato: who was already sitting on the ground looking pathetic

[3:29:18 AM] Cool Dadneato: Ronan plans to destroy the city, he is absolutely not impressed with the tribute army

[3:31:34 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus says this is fine, he rather die than bow to his brother ever again

[3:32:52 AM] Cool Dadneato: he threw a tantrum, destroyed the cure, and ran off

[3:34:31 AM] Cool Dadneato: does Maximus ever get bored of hearing himself

[3:34:47 AM] Hexiva: NO

[3:35:39 AM] Cool Dadneato: that is rhetorical

[3:38:00 AM] Cool Dadneato: he loves hearing himself

[3:39:02 AM] Cool Dadneato: Maximus: "Bravo! A front row seat for the apocalypse!" -LAUGHS MANIACALLY-

[3:45:58 AM] Cool Dadneato: omfg, this episode rapidly escalated to its dramatic ending

[3:54:52 AM] Cool Dadneato: Peter Quill uses the cosmic cube to cure the plague, Black Bolt destroys the Kree warship (leaving Ronan to shout that he will have his REVENGE!!! from within the shielded pieces of the Kree bridge)

cut to Maximus chuckling and talking to himself from where he's chained in a dark, windowless dungeon

Maximus: "Hahaha, oh the irony. Defeated by the great Star-Lord, who can't find what sees with a map, which he holds with both hands; the further he goes, the farther away he gets... !"

-starts laughing until the Inhumans click a mental dampening device in place and his expression goes blank in surprise and he's cut off abruptly-

[3:55:59 AM] Cool Dadneato: and then everyone happily goes home, except Peter wishes he knew what that weirdness was all about

#thecorteztwins #out of character

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago

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sometimes the wild thing with depression is looking back and trying to figure out when it started and never really being able to draw a line for anything like "this was the earliest age it All Began(tm)," probably because there's not generally such an On-Off Switch type process to it. i know usually circa ten yrs old or later in the teens is usually what people point to but sometimes more of a period of exacerbation rather than origin, and who can say it's not also having the emotional and psychological capabilities and capacities that young children don't that bring a greater sense of perspective and awareness, idk anyways so i'm not sure if i was ever not-depressed or anything....i know i was always uncomfortable outside what was familiar and "shy" and i know that as soon as i was around other kids in a way more socially organized than running around together, namely preschool at 4 yrs old, i was aware of not feeling like i fit in and noticing i couldnt make friends like other people could. ive been good at bs-ing school from the start and happen to pick up things very quickly so even though i probably had the same habits as kids with the worst grades and had no particular ambitions re: academia (beyond avoiding parental wrath and later maintaining the identity that kinda protected me a bit in school) since i got really good grades and was quiet and pretty much just read in a corner when left to myself from kindergarten through middle school, i was probably considered a usually ideal student. i remember a couple of people who i felt i was genuinely friends with, a kid named michael who i think went to a different school after a couple of grades, and a kid named jacqueline in 2nd grade who was like me so quiet in retrospect i'm not sure if she knew much english but we played legos together and stuff but then we got in trouble for not paying attention during not even a lesson but i had to move seats b/c arbitrary Making An Example and since we were both so quiet we just didnt interact much anymore to avoid further attention. i made other friends technically but generally it took a long time to be comfortable with them and we were never close and in the meantime i dont think i ever much liked school. i remember one random sunday evening just getting upset about not wanting to go back the next day just because it was boring and meantime at home of course it sucked but i didnt quite realize it til i was older and it helped of course being young enough to be able to go outside for hours and be perfectly entertained playing in the dirt and trees and stuff. i read a lot at home too i remember having pretty skeptical thoughts about Life from earlyish on but, besides spending a crap ton of time just in my own head (reading, playing in dirt) i think i had ideas that life and the world was pretty amazing. like earlier on of course it was like "is magic real??" but then later its just stuff like reading in books about how kids had good friends and families and got to pursue their interests and do things and work out drama and have nice endings with a lot of hope for the future. for all i could tell the only thing keeping that from being my life was that i wasnt old enough, or probably i hoped that it was just a matter of time. it was less like i was extrapolating from my own limited observations of the worse aspects of life that life must be great and more like i was already noticing that my world was lacking and just hoping that it would grow out of it; not to mention being given the hint that stuff like abuse was my own fault and shortcomings i started getting more aware of being fed up with things / that they weren't inherently going to change around like late elementary school / middle school but it would take another year or two to really get the extent of it, and in the meantime by 14 or 15 at the latest i was consciously suicidal so like, moving fast there. i probably by that point had already caught on to the fact that my world had just been kind of shitty and that it wasnt going to change or seem better after a certain amount of time like i'd thought it would. and then add also having a better understanding of the rest of the world just by being older and getting more experience and realizing that its a lot more chaotic than initially taught to you and that being depressed and having developed few interests and zero ambitions and having antagonistic parents and very few friends doesnt do much to give you as much a cushion from that chaos as it could tangent: honestly i like programs that teach instructors how to recognize things that look like Behavior Issues as maybe more being signs of external issues. i wasnt the best at paying attention and i was often quiet in school whether in class or not and it mightve been a problem if i didnt get good grades but since i did i could just be in the background. i don't particularly resent this or anything because i know how teaching is and i myself didnt really understand i had serious problems at home until much later, but in retrospect i think i always had signs. i remember one particular incident when i was about 8 really shouldve been a bit of a warning sign. i know nobody can really do anything even if they know things are bad but considering i had to learn what abuse looked like by myself and i didnt feel supported by any adult and even when i knew what was going on when i was much older i still just didnt tell anyone in any position of authority because i had learned i had to protect myself by keeping personal things totally confidential and that if i exhibited any signs of struggling i would be blamed and chastised for it. wouldve been nice to at least be informed what was going on at an earlier time and maybe given some sense of confidence or at least a sense it wasn't completely my fault. turns out what gave me any ounce of confidence at all was being like 19 and being so blamed and maligned that it backfired and i started feeling like if i was as awful as i was made out to be then surely i didnt need to feel ashamed and responsible for everything that was being done to me. if i already deserved to be dead then what more could i bring on myself by daring to be so terrible as to feel i shouldnt be treated like i was! checkmate atheists anyhow, i feel like my Good Concepts About The World kind of evolved from "later on everyone has adventures" to "later on everyone goes to middle school / high school and makes friends and bonds with their family and follows their dreams" to something just more vaguely escapist with abstracted ideas about simply feeling comfortable and nice, with maybe general imagery, usually like summer sunsets or just some nice stars or something. i thought about it once and it made a lot of sense, thinking about stuff in terms of the concept of feeling ok and good things existing in the world and being able to sense it despite it also being at a distance or otherwise removed like dont get me wrong just because i wanna be dead i dont have some kind of notion that everyone else's experience of life is the same as mine i.e. that life and/or the world is inherently shit, i know its no more objectively bad than it is objectively good. i still like to think about the good side of all of it. i think its a total mistake to have the idea that if someone is suicidal or even just depressed that it necessarily has anything to do with what they think of the philosophy of the concept of Life, its more personal and immediate than that. honestly i hate all the advice about how you need to write a poem for your suicidal friend to teach them the magic of life or do some otherwise melodramatic bad y.a. novel shit that'll give them a New Perspective on the wonders of life literally overnight. not only is it always disgustingly patronizing and often counterproductively Tough Love-esque but also totally like unrelated to the root of the problem of "what if i'm worried about a friend making a suicide attempt." if you're personally wanting to do something i s2g literally just provide a distraction. talk about random shit or play online scrabble or go over and make midnight snacks, not like set a flower on fire while dropping a porcelain teapot on the floor and lecturing them about how this Doesnt Solve Any Problems or is a permanent solution to a temporary problem like no. just be a distraction jfc and dont insult anyone by generalizing their experience and guessing at what's probably an extremely complex and personal matter and turning it into empty clichés anyways: this was the longest way to get to the idea that isnt it wild when, like how you can Hear a sound in your head and despite recreating it decently its different from actually hearing it externally, you can sometimes remember what it was like to feel nice about the concept of life? i cant really summon earlier things but sometimes i can remember flashes of having those later sad-person-in-their-own-head moments of thinking of distant abstract concepts like seeing the sky as a medium for connection to the infinite experiences of humanity, and i can get like the equivalent of a visual image of a recreated feeling from back when i still had a few lingering overly-optimistic notions that things would be good soon. don't get me wrong, again im still aware of the good things in life and i still have good experiences and still feel good feelings. but i dont harbor expectations that the course of life must and will average itself out or lean towards improvement for any reason, like knowing that good things happening to you out of the blue is the same as how terrible things can happen for exactly the same reason—namely no reason at all. so i just dont have the same feelings i used to about my own personal life, and i dont feel the things i used to when i hoped it still could be Only A Matter Of Time. so its wild when for some reason i mentally stumble on the memory of having those feelings and theyre still recent enough that i get a moment of recreating the feeling like i do when i can picture something in my head, and its totally different and dissonant than what's currently true for me. it wasn't a more accurate perspective to think that life being bad meant it had to improve, but its obviously a nicer feeling. and it sounds like overused to the point of meaningless comparison but its like getting your head above water for a second in terms of the momentary contrast of sensation tldr its wild when you depressioning 24/7 and dead inside and have an instant of remembering What It Was Like To Feel Things

#long post ///////

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eirenical · 8 years ago

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Brick Club ‘17 – Chapters 1.1.1-1.1.5; I admire a man with chutzpah.

(...jfc, if you had any idea how much trouble this post gave me. *glares at tumblr* I HAD TO REWRITE IT FOUR TIMES and between times 3 and 4, Kaspersky randomly decided that Firefox shouldn’t load any websites. ANY. NOT EVEN GOOGLE. ARGH. But I’m OK, now, and I’m going to retype this again for the (HOPEFULLY) last time.)

The first thing I have to say about these chapters is that I absolutely adore the Bishop. Anyone who follows me knows that Courfeyrac is my absolute favorite of favorites in all of Les Mis, but Feuilly and the Bishop tie for second place. And this is the reason why: The Bishop is a classic representation of what it is to have chutzpah.

Merriam-Webster defines chutzpah as “supreme self-confidence: nerve, gall” and that’s part of it, and is what it’s come to mean in English usage, but that’s not the whole truth. I’m going to borrow something now from an article on chabad.org by Tzvi Freeman:

So what is chutzpah? It’s a kind of acosmic attitude, as though there’s nothing really there stopping you from doing whatever you want.

That’s why chutzpah can be real bad and chutzpah can be real good. Bad chutzpah is something we all know about. But good chutzpah is one of the first rules of behavior cited in the Shulchan Aruch—the classic codification of Jewish Law. Citing the words of the Mishnah, “Be fierce as a leopard,” the code tells us that this means that when you go about doing all those Jewish things that Jews do, you shouldn’t feel the slightest embarrassment before those who ridicule you. You don’t have to call them names, you don’t have to react at all. Just keep on doing what you have to do as though they don’t exist. […]

So, to be a good Jew, you need two opposites: A sense of shame that prevents you from acting with chutzpah to do the wrong thing, and a sense of chutzpah that prevents you from being ashamed to do the right thing.

The Bishop is very clearly not a Jew, but this is such a Jewish thing that he does: unashamedly doing the right thing, in spite of ridicule, standing up to people who look down at him from on high and not only assuming equality, but daring to encourage them to use his behavior as an example do better. He is who he is, he knows what is the right thing to do, and he’s just going to go about his business and do it, no matter what you think. That is chutzpah, and that is my Bishop.

And now, below the cut, I will give you some of my more specific thoughts on each chapter. ^_^

I’m not going to go over each of these chapters in much detail, because, to be honest, it’s too much and I could probably spend 20 pages babbling, and I don’t think anyone wants that. So, I’ve tried to stick with picking one (or two) thing(s) in each chapter to talk about to avoid making this ridiculously long.

1.1.1

The thing that always strikes me out of this chapter is that I desperately want the story of Myriel before he became a priest. Because that transformation from well-born, well-to-do, charming and yet somewhat debauched man to the Bishop we know in Digne? That fascinates me. In there lies a story just as complex and interesting as Valjean’s own and I want to hear it. I want to know more about this man who gleefully looked Napoleon in the eye and punned at him. I want to know more. I would gladly read another 1200 page novel on him. And that’s honestly my biggest problem with Les Mis in a nutshell. Even the minor, minor background characters are so richly created that I want to know more about them. It’s a problem.

[Side note: I forgot how frustrating Hapgood’s handling of puns is. She misses just about every one. Or maybe the way she translated them just doesn’t translate into modern English, but, either way, it’s super frustrating. I can FEEL the lead-up to the pun (Hugo sets them all up pretty obviously, especially for the Bishop’s puns) and then where the joke would be it just… falls flat. :P I found myself rifling through my FMA and my Donougher to see if they were handled any better there, and @pilferingapples, I gotta say, I’m tempted to flop over to Donougher every time there’s a pun because she did a MUCH better job with the few I checked. Did you find the same?]

Anyway, the other thing I need to mention about 1.1.1 is this: Myriel is “advanced in years and living in a very retired manner.” His sister, Baptistine, who is 10 YEARS HIS JUNIOR, is “an elderly spinster????” And let’s not forget this hot mess:

Mademoiselle Baptistine was a long, pale, thin, gentle creature; she realized the ideal expressed by the word “respectable”; for it seems that a woman must needs be a mother in order to be venerable. She had never been pretty; her whole life, which had been nothing but a succession of holy deeds, had finally conferred upon her a sort of pallor and transparency; and as she advanced in years she had acquired what may be called the beauty of goodness. What had been leanness in her youth had become transparency in her maturity; and this diaphaneity allowed the angel to be seen. She was a soul rather than a virgin. Her person seemed made of a shadow; there was hardly sufficient body to provide for sex; a little matter enclosing a light; large eyes forever drooping;— a mere pretext for a soul’s remaining on the earth.

Hugo, Victor. Les Miserables (Xist Classics) (Kindle Locations 483-489). Signet. Kindle Edition.

Hugo… NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. PLEASE, STOP. JUST… STOP. OTZ

(That being said, “diaphaneity” is a pretty great word. Did you make that one up, Hapgood? I may have to find an excuse to use that. ;D)

1.1.2

“Hold, Monsieur the director of the hospital, I will tell you something. There is evidently a mistake here. There are thirty-six of you, in five or six small rooms. There are three of us here, and we have room for sixty. There is some mistake, I tell you; you have my house, and I have yours. Give me back my house; you are at home here.”

Hugo, Victor. Les Miserables (Xist Classics) (Kindle Locations 519-522). Signet. Kindle Edition.

CHUTZPAH. XD

But, no, the thing I really want to talk about is this:

NOTE ON THE REGULATION OF MY HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES. For the little seminary … … … … . . 1,500 livres Society of the mission … … … … . . 100 “ For the Lazarists of Montdidier … … … . 100 “ Seminary for foreign missions in Paris … … 200 “ Congregation of the Holy Spirit … … … . 150 “ Religious establishments of the Holy Land … . . 100 “ Charitable maternity societies … … … . 300 “ Extra, for that of Arles … … … … . 50 “ Work for the amelioration of prisons … … . 400 “ Work for the relief and delivery of prisoners … 500 “ To liberate fathers of families incarcerated for debt 1,000 “ Addition to the salary of the poor teachers of the diocese … … … 2,000 “ Public granary of the Hautes-Alpes … … . . 100 “ Congregation of the ladies of D——, of Manosque, and of Sisteron, for the gratuitous instruction of poor girls … … … … … … . . 1,500 “ For the poor … … … … … … . 6,000 “ My personal expenses … … … … … 1,000 “ Total … … … … … … . . 15,000 “

Hugo, Victor. Les Miserables (Xist Classics) (Kindle Locations 526-541). Signet. Kindle Edition

EXPENSES OF CARRIAGE AND CIRCUIT. For furnishing meat soup to the patients in the hospital. 1,500 livres For the maternity charitable society of Aix … … . 250 “ For the maternity charitable society of Draguignan … 250 “ For foundlings … … … … … … … 500 “ For orphans … … … … … … … . 500 “ ——- Total … … … … … … … . . 3,000 “

Hugo, Victor. Les Miserables (Xist Classics) (Kindle Locations 568-573). Signet. Kindle Edition..

The thing that strikes me about this bit on the household expenses is how absolutely clearly Hugo saw that society had to be improved from the bottom up. I mean, just LOOK at some of these stuff! Education of the poor, education of women, straight up money to just give to the poor, women, and orphans, proper nutrition for the sick, prison reform, returning the wage earner to families whose wage earners were in debtor’s prison. I mean, LOOK AT THAT. Can you imagine how much it would improve the life of the working class if we had bishops across the world doing this? Taking government money and applying it where it will actually do the most good? Hugo had some revolutionary ideas; that’s fact. But, the idea that even the poorest among us, even those who have committed crimes, deserve mercy and a basic living wage? That’s an idea that’s still revolutionary TODAY. And it makes me angry… and sad. We should be doing better. We NEED to do better.

1.1.3

Good gravy, the bit about the donkey.�� XD CHUTZPAH, AGAIN. See? This is why I love the Bishop. ^_^

Anyway, another thing that struck me in this chapter was how the Bishop teaches mostly by examples and models. We literally just had a huge class discussion in my doctoral program about that the other day. A good example, or a good model, is worth more than any amount of polished or wordy language. It’s yet another case of a picture being worth 1000 words. Hugo, via the Bishop, being ahead of his time, yet again.

1.1.4

I am NOT getting into the capital punishment discussion. I’m just not up for that tonight. :P

So, instead, here’s a discussion of mishandled puns and translation fails.

Madame Magloire liked to call him Your Grace [Votre Grandeur]. One day he rose from his arm-chair, and went to his library in search of a book. This book was on one of the upper shelves. As the bishop was rather short of stature, he could not reach it. "Madame Magloire," said he, "fetch me a chair. My greatness [grandeur] does not reach as far as that shelf."

Hugo, Victor. Les Misérables (English language) (Kindle Locations 442-444). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

This is honestly one of my favorite puns in the whole book. It’s such a dad joke. ^_^ Unfortunately, in Hapgood’s translation, it falls a little flat. It’s clear what the joke is in French (the play on grandeur) thanks to the [notes], but in English it doesn’t entirely work. The fact that I have to rely on the original French to get the joke leaves me feeling like she could have done a better job on that. So, just for shits and giggles, I checked Donougher to see what she did with it. She seemed to do a better job at translating the pun:

Madame Magloire liked to call him ‘Your Highness’. One day he rose from his armchair and went to his bookcase to fetch a book. This book was on one of the top shelves. As the bishop was rather small in stature he could not reach it. ‘Madame Magloire,’ he said, ‘bring me a chair. My Highness falls short of that shelf.’

Hugo, Victor. The Wretched (Clothbound Classics) (p. 13). Penguin Books Ltd. Kindle Edition.

It may not be an exact word-for-word translation, but I feel like it captures the spirit of the pun just a bit better. So, kudos to you, Donougher. Point in your favor.

Here’s the other translation gaffe:

"I am thinking," replied the Bishop, "of a singular remark, which is to be found, I believe, in St. Augustine,—'Place your hopes in the man from whom you do not inherit.'"

Hugo, Victor. Les Misérables (English language) (Kindle Locations 451-452). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

vs.

‘I’m thinking,’ replied the bishop, ‘of something curious to be found, I believe, in St Augustine: “Place your hope in him who has no successor.” ’

Hugo, Victor. The Wretched (Clothbound Classics) (p. 14). Penguin Books Ltd. Kindle Edition.

And FMA translates it even differently than that but I think made it sound even more like he’s referencing G-d? When I climb out from under my cat, I’ll double check that, but the point stands--Hapgood’s translation is clearly talking about a person and Donougher’s is talking about G-d. I’m, ironically, more likely to trust Donougher’s translation there just because it sounds much more like something the Bishop would say and because the set-up feels like the lead-in to a pun and Donougher is clearly better at handling those.

Now, that being said, I have no idea which of these interpretations is actually more correct. My French is DEFINITELY not at the level of translating Hugo puns. But for anyone with better French who may wish to take a stab at it...

—Je songe, dit l'évêque, à quelque chose de singulier qui est, je crois, dans saint Augustin: «Mettez votre espérance dans celui auquel on ne succède point.»

Hugo, Victor. Les misérables Tome I Fantine (French Edition) (Kindle Locations 255-256). . Kindle Edition.

It doesn’t LOOK like there’s a pun hiding in that French, but again... not an expert by any stretch. :P

1.1.5

(IN THE HOME STRETCH.)

I... actually have nothing to say about this chapter? Other than that I’m picturing this little Bishop running about town, attracting a mini-parade everywhere he goes with little children cavorting around him and it’s the most precious thing. ^____^

OK, one last translation amusement because it’s directly related:

Here and there he halted, accosted the little boys and girls, and smiled upon the mothers.

Hugo, Victor. Les Miserables (p. 28). HarperCollins Canada. Kindle Edition.

vs.

He would stop here and there, talk to the little boys and girls and smile at their mothers.

Hugo, Victor. The Wretched (Clothbound Classics) (p. 20). Penguin Books Ltd. Kindle Edition.

But this is the best part, because my French is good enough for this, I think:

Çà et là, il s'arrêtait, parlait aux petits garçons et aux petites filles et souriait aux mères.

Hugo, Victor. Les misérables Tome I Fantine (French Edition) (Kindle Locations 381-382). . Kindle Edition.

“PARLAIT” IS PRETTY CLEAR, HAPGOOD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? XD

Although, to be fair, I’m pretty sure she meant the type of “accosted” where like... adults make monster faces and “chase” the little kids around until the kids turn the tables and chase them. And the idea of the Bishop doing that is SUCH a perfect image to close this week’s reading on that I think I’ll forgive it, this once. ^_~

Tune in next week for chapters 1.1.6-1.1.10!

#brick club 17 #eirenical reads the brick #and is way too wordy about it #O_o;;;#les miserables #the brick #translations #hapgood translation #donougher translation #lm 1.1.1 #lm 1.1.2 #lm 1.1.3 #lm 1.1.4 #lm 1.1.5

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skyshipper · 3 years ago

Text

blog tag

I was tagged by the very sweet @the-blind-assassin-12 (who has the cutest dog in the world in case anyone is wondering). 💛

1. Why did you choose your url?

Oh man, I fucking HATE coming up with blog names because everything I come up with is usually taken. I started this blog several years ago to celebrate my love of Nick & June from the Handmaid’s Tale. I hadn’t been on tumblr in quite a few years and that ship brought me back to fandom land. I chose “sky” because when I’m on tumblr I feel like my head is in the clouds and “shipper” because I was here to post about a specific ship. Idk, I don’t love it and it’s not even a good concept but it’s staying forever because I loathe coming up with new blog names. I also get really confused on my own dash when people change their urls?? Lol, I’m a visual person. So anyway, that’s it. That’s the name. It kinda sucks but here we are.

2. Any side blogs?

Yep, but I pretty much abandoned it. I’ve found that one blog is more than enough to manage for me. I originally created it when I wanted to post stuff for shows outside of The Handmaid’s Tale. Then I decided that was silly and I should post whatever the hell I feel like. It’s very easy on social media to get caught up in likes, followers, reblogs, etc.....but ultimately I’m here for me. I know 95% of the people who follow this blog came here for content for another show, but they don’t have to stay and that’s fine. I’m just out here doing my own thing, curating a list of shit I’m into at the moment. If you’re into it too, then cool! If not, that is also cool.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I’ve come and gone many times. I think I had a blog around 2014 for a show/fandom that shall not be named, which I rage deleted in a fit one day. Then I had a lurker blog for a few years. I think I’ve had this one for maybe 2-3 years??? I don’t think I logged in for the majority of 2020, because the pandemic rollercoaster took an emotional toll on me just like everyone else. I’ve made a conscious decision this year to only spend my free time & social media time on things that are making me feel happy, not anxious, frustrated or sad. Din Djarin brought me back here but I’ve stayed for Pedro Pascal. Pedro makes everyone happy, bless his beautiful soul. ❤️

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Nope. I tried queuing posts for a while but I just found it to be too much work. Now I just reblog/like stuff on the spot.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

To celebrate my love of Nick & June from The Handmaid’s Tale. I’m not really into the show anymore because the writing is total shit, but season one (when they were working off of Margaret Atwood’s novel) is still a masterpiece.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because Javier Peña is hot as fuck, that’s why. Listen, I have a hard time picking an icon and get irrationally attached to it when I do. There are so many great Pedro pictures and characters to choose from. I still think of going back to my original Pedro icon from that Vanity Fair photoshoot because it’s one of my absolute favorite pictures of him and I still love it so much. I’ve been messing around in Photoshop trying to make a cool background for it and have failed miserably to create anything I like thus far. So for now, Javi is staying.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Once again, because Javier Peña is hot as fuck, that’s why. I never held a handgun in my life, but ohhhhh, so sexy when fictional characters I love do it. Same with the cigarette smoking. Good lord just thinking about this is making me feel things. 😅

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

This weapons set I made for Din. I’m still shocked that happened because that is BY FAR the most notes I’ve ever received on a post and it will probably never happen again. I peaked too soon, haha! I just got Photoshop in February or March of this year after making mediocre gifs with a series of phone apps for years. That was maybe the second or third set I ever made in Photoshop, so I was kind of stunned it took off like that. What can I say, everyone finds Din’s weapons as sexy as I do, I guess. I do sometimes look at it and wish I would have made better quality gifs but I was, and still am, learning. Now when I look at I try and use it as a reminder that my gifs are slowly improving (at least I hope so anyway) and that makes me happy. I still get notes on that post daily which both surprises me and makes my heart all warm and fuzzy.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I’m not really sure because I never went through and counted??? Maybe 30ish?

10. How many followers do you have?

1363, at least 1200 of which came here for Nick & June. I hope all of you like Pedro Pascal & Star Wars because I’m going to be stuck in this mode for a long time!! 🤡

11. How many people do you follow?

157

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

No, not that I can remember anyway. Tumblr & fandom in general are way more fun for me when I spend time focusing on good things. Life (this past year especially) is hard enough. I just want to bask in the glow of Pedro’s beautiful heart and face, live in the fantasy worlds of Star Wars, read smutty things from amazing writers, and enjoy beautiful gifs & edits from content creators. All of these things bring me joy and that’s why I’m here. This is a positive vibes only space for me.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

Too much??? I like to keep my work tabs open on my computer and then peak at pretty things throughout the day as a little reward when I get stuff done. Sometimes that leads to unexpected breaks (like reading fanfiction at 11am on a Tuesday) but I’m not sad. I work for myself so there is no one to get mad at me, just a pile of work that keeps growing because I’m screwing around.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Nah. I’m here for pretty things, wonderful writing and nice people. If someone is an asshole I just block them, problem solved. Which has only happened to me once that I can recall and it was years ago. I try to only follow people that cultivate a space for kindness and positivity as well, that way there is nothing to argue about......just mutual pining over lovely things.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Ugh, love/hate relationship. I definitely understand why people who create things want as many people to see it as possible. It takes a long time to create gifs/edits/write stories so I see the value in reblogs and user tags as a way to boost posts to get your stuff out there in front of as many eyes as possible. Personally, I feel like people should reblog things only when and if they want to do it. I never want anyone to reblog my creations because they feel like they have to do that. I want them to reblog it because it made them happy and/or they liked something I created. Believe it or not, I notice when a follower of mine is a person that usually only “likes” my posts and then suddenly reblogs something with the nicest tags about a post saying it’s pretty, they love it, etc. For me, that’s extremely rewarding because something I made resonated with that person. I also believe that if you’re creating things only for reblogs or likes then you’re focused on the endgame and competition (getting the most notes, etc.) which is never a good headspace to be in for creating things. I know that can be hard because social media creates anxiety, depression and imposter syndrome, but the amount of notes on a post really and truly does not always equate to the best content. So much of it is timing, or a post getting boosted by bigger blogs so more people see it. I try to create things for myself first and foremost and if I am doing that and enjoying myself in the process, who cares how many people see it/like it/reblog it? At the end of the day I want to like what I create and feel like I’m improving my Photoshop knowledge & skills. That’s why I’m here and that’s what I try to stay focused on all the time.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yeah, I do. Except the music questions. Why are there so many music/song questions? I’m the kind of person that lets someone else pick the music most of the time. I also listen to a genre to fit the mood I’m in rather than a specific artist 95% of the time, so I find those song questions really difficult. I also like tag games because I really love to learn more about other people here. I’m really flattered when someone tags me in something because it means they want to get to know me better and since I’m both introverted and shy I always find that really nice. 🥺

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes!! I always want to do those but if I’m being honest, I’m shy and anxious so I always feel like no one will send me any asks if I do it. Lol, that is peak anxiety my friends. Let’s just say I’m working up to doing one someday. I absolutely love reading them when others do them.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Certainly @javier-pena ......I mean, those Din Djarin’s hottest moments and Javier Peña’s hottest moments are straight up iconic. Also @sirtadcooper whose icons/headers are absolutely amazing, instantly recognizable and rightfully used by so many people because they are fucking awesome!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Oh yeah, so many. I have creator crushes on tons of people that are not mutuals too. Jfc, there are so many lovely people here creating amazing things. I will say that @sirtadcooper is honestly one of the sweetest, kindest people I have met in this fandom and one of the most amazing content creators here. A true beacon of original content that I admire greatly. I love that I can pick out her work so easily and that she has a clear style. I aspire to get to that point with my creations some day. @javier-pena makes the mostly insanely crispy gifs and has been very kind about helping me with gif questions in my obsession quest to constantly learn how to become better. I think her gifs are magic at this point because I just don’t understand how they look that consistently amazing all of the fucking time?? Idk, I’m just glad she shares them with us. @trashcora makes some really amazing gifs that I just don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes I look at stuff like this of hers and wonder if people really appreciate the amount of time it takes to create things like that?? Same goes for @millenniumsfalcon where I just can’t even begin to think about how to create gifs that complex and beautiful. I don’t even know what to say, I’m just going to continue to admire these creations from my little corner of the web. As for writers, I absolutely adore anything @frannyzooey writes. I mean, I’m suddenly living for Dave York porn and I’ve never even watched that film??? I’m convinced anything she writes is pure gold. TMTC is one of the best pieces of fanfiction I’ve ever read. I must confess I’ve only read about 3% of the amazing fanfiction in the Pedro/Mandalorian fandom because I get stuck on Masterlists like hers that are so consistently fucking amazing. That and most of my free hours are spent clowning around in Photoshop. I can’t wait to read more stuff from so many other people here. I promise I have a list much longer than I have time for, but I’m getting there!

Tagging: @keeper0fthestars , @teamnick , & @filthybookworm if you would like to. 😊💛

#tag games #about me #jfc i'm a wordy motherfucker #i'm also the queen of typos so sorry for any grammatical errors or missing words #this is probably way more than you bargained for but there it is #and now back to my regularly scheduled work day

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