#i need to get out of this fucking house

[rainydaysie]

Hey guys!! I’m doing some pay-what-you-want sketch commissions over on my kofi!

The minimum is just $1 USD! You’re allowed to request ANY species (humans included, lol), and ANY fandom. OCs and fanart alike are both welcome!

I’ll be moving to a rental trailer soon, so I’m going to need a bunch of backup rent money before I do. Y’all know how life is. My current goal is 3 months of rent not including gas, groceries, utilities or wifi. Every dollar counts.

Thanks for reading! Reblogs very appreciated ♡

[scorndotexe]

my mother loves to ask me why i can't tell her things and prove the reason i can't in the same conversation

[newvision]

I feel so fucking awful I need someone to hit me with a rock until I pass out

[irawhiti]

[idek-how-do-ifeel]

And remember, lads: always go to therapy and sort your shit out before starting your own family and dragging all your shit to them🤠

[maplesupreme]

why don't I just slam my head in the car door of my honda civic

[dalishthunder]

....

[calamitoustide]

these walls scream how much of a failure i really am

[ladiciu]

cant fucking STAND to have me talk, yeah? you always fucking cut me off when im trying to just explain myself. you dismiss me and its really fucking upsetting and it makes me not want to talk to you

[ghostmadewithlove]

Aheem heem had to pass up the chance to buy a pretty overall dress to save money which is probably for the best because what would I even do with it anyway other than wear it once for a selfie then hide it

[knowwheretolook]

why are all the cafes near me only open until like 3pm 😫

[cerothenull]

I'm going fucking stir crazy

[lesbianexorcist]

Me to my mom: u are reinforcing bad behavior and even actively encouraging and praising it

My mom, petting her growling shaking whale eyed chihuahua: uhm no im NOT. I NEVER do that!!

[exculis]

why was i born to die of black mold poisoning that i wasnt even responsible for? why has this been my fate? hm?

[applestorms]

L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.

his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...

this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.

this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.

one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.

imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.

[cecoeur]

How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad