#i need to do another wikipedia deep dive. back never

[fingertipsmp3]

I don’t get how (some) USAmericans are so chill with knowing fuck all about the rest of the world. The other day I couldn’t sleep because I was consumed by the need to learn about Uzbekistan

[snaccpopstudios]

Hi everyone! We're here with the long awaited post on our newest bachelor, Simoun. We know you've all been abuzz with questions about him so we hope to answer some of that in this deep dive into his creation. This post is in lieu of our usual Wednesday devlogs as we've been writing this over the span of several weeks, and was co-authored, edited, and reviewed by Tobias, Jude, ToyboxToonz, Primarvelous, and Sauce. The above image was drawn by @toyboxtoonz.

You can read the full post for free on Patreon, or click the readmore to see it all!

Personally speaking, some of my concerns since Simoun's debut are thoughts like "Do people think I'm making SnaccPop Studios push an agenda?" and "Do people think I'm going through a checklist while making new characters?" It's made it difficult for us to write this quickly because this is quite personal to myself and the rest of the sensitivity consultation team on the DachaBo team.

Concept to Creation

The story of DachaBo begins way before SnaccPop Studios itself was even a concept (that's Sauce's story to tell though). Early Patreon art of Simoun exists from November 2022, back before I was signed on to manage the Patreon and any other projects besides Sunny Day Jack. Sauce had some ideas laying around for several other characters in the DachaBo universe that didn't make it into the proof-of-concept demo:

I dug up an old draft for the DachaBo cat character we teased and it featured a story concept where the cat character was originally a female DachaBo character, referencing the original female design. And overtime he got tired of how he was being treated and decided to change his own self to reflect who he wanted to be, not the sycophants who collected the toys and whatnot ... It was shelved because I didnt have the means to sensitivity check it The designs are half cooked is all but he was supposed to be Indian ethnicity coded for no other reason than I've never seen a character like that

One thing that's important to note is that there definitely are Indian folks who are gender diverse (see Hijra on Wikipedia for a quick primer on one of the traditionally recognized nonbinary genders in South Asia) so it's not a novel concept by any means, but it's also not very common in media whatsoever.

Why The Long Wait?

One of the other contributing reasons as to why Sauce wasn't able to do much with the concept at the time is because we didn't have a VA for him confirmed yet, as I explained in May:

One thing that's rather unique to SnaccPop Studios in all of my experience as a game developer is the fact that all of our series involve coordinating with Voice Actors from the start, which means we need to take the VAs themselves into account when making characters. Adding another layer of complexity in hiring is the fact that SnaccPop Studios is a strictly Erotic Adult brand focusing on masculine love interests, and even if we focus more on the softcore, there's still the unfortunate stigma that any 18+ work has when attached to your name. All of these contributing factors make the potential talent pool that much smaller. This isn't to make excuses: I know SnaccPop Studios can do better on this front. While we can't make changes to some of the existing series' main cast (we don't want to put people out of a role they've been promised), we will do better moving forward to incorporate more diverse characters into our future titles, and that's a pledge

In the field of voice acting, it's best practice to cast actors with similar backgrounds to the character they're voicing, particularly for characters from marginalized populations (ethnicity, culture, gender, etc.), because it's a recurring issue in all professions where marginalized folks are regularly turned down for employment or career opportunities. You don't have to look far for instances where other voice directors failed to cast the proper talent for a character, even in the AAA sphere where they ought to have the resources to be able to find the proper talent; at SnaccPop, we wanted to avoid that situation at all costs.

Finding Simoun's Voice

So we had to confirm a VA first before we could do anything. Sauce, Reece, and I all tried to put private ads out for a trans masc POC (any ethnicity with dark skin) actor for a R18 game, which was largely met with silence at first, then responded to by folks who didn't fit the role in a full capacity (many only hit one or two of the criteria we laid out, some of them none at all). And it's not hard to imagine why: it's common knowledge that the majority of erotic works often fetishize marginalized people who are otherwise underrepresented in mainstream media. Things such as skin color, body type, hair color, age, etc. are treated as traits to be objectified, and on the off chance that queer folks or people of color might see themselves in porn… it's usually not for the most flattering or empowering of reasons. How could we, an exclusively Adults-only studio, convince someone who isn't familiar with us that we wanted to make something for people like them rather than something that turns them into mere masturbating material?

We were almost about to give up on the Catboy until I decided to take a chance on contacting a VA whom I hadn't had any formal and proper interactions with before. I'd been a fan of his work and knew him from an audition he sent in from a previous game I had worked on, but he knew me solely by name at best since we were following each other on Twitter. Still, it was a lead, and after chewing my nails for half a day, I shot off a message to Soren Viloria.

And what do you know? He said he'd give it a shot as his first NSFW role.

Naming the Lad

Soren is a Filipino VA, and despite the fact that I myself seem to be mistaken as Filipino by other Asians quite regularly, I'm actually not as well-versed in that culture as I ought to be.

There's actually a reason why we were so secretive with Simoun's name for a while: he didn't have one yet, so internally we just kept calling him "the Catboy." We wanted to pick a culture-appropriate name for him, something that was meaningful: Soren initially suggested "Siopao" as it was a common cat name (it's a type of Filipino Steamed Bun, so think of how many pets you've seen who have names like Cupcake or Nacho Supreme), but that didn't seem serious enough for a tsundere catboy like him. A few days later, Soren did a little research on a few well-known characters from Philippine media/culture that fit the bill a bit better:

Elías from the Philippine Revolution novel Noli Me Tángere (a required reading in the Philippines). Cat may like his radical tendencies for revolution and his deep, devoted connections.

Simoun from Noli's sequel, El filibusterismo. Holds revolutionary values similar to Elías, but far less noble and more of a loner. Violent at times, and will do what it takes to get his way.

Panday/Flavio, a very popular hero. Part of his charm is that he doesn't have special powers, but took matters into his own hands and forged a magical blade. Has been portrayed in both 'cool' and comedic ways.

Ricardo "Cardo" from the Philippines' longest-running TV drama Ang Probinsyano. Just a cool action hero dude who cares about family, but is also very ambitious and angy.

Seeing as how we already had an Elias Gallagher, Simoun seemed to be the perfect fit, and the name stuck pretty easily.

Simoun's Boundaries

Now that Simoun had a name, we were able to talk about him more seriously beyond the simple "tsundere cat" tropes. You've all already met Gil Finnegan, who we originally brought into SnaccPop Studios to handle the narrative design for DachaBo but was then onboarded to help with Sunny Day Jack, and those of you in the Patreon Discord server are familiar with our mods Tobias and Jude; along with me and Soren Viloria, that brought the grand total of openly trans masculine members on the team.

We all talked about our personal experiences as trans masc/AFAB people, what things we rarely saw reflected in both mainstream and indie media, things we wanted to see more of. Something we all agreed that was difficult to find was trans masculine folks in sexually dominant roles in erotic media, whether that was live video, audio, writing, art, or a combination thereof; there was only a handful of series we could count on our fingers as far as sexually explicit content that featured trans masculine people in roles that weren't exclusively submissive/bottoms, and the majority of us had already seen those or at least heard of them before (ie. Gummy and the Doctor and Sasha From The Gym were prominent ones). Either discovering this content was difficult due to Search Engine Optimization favoring depictions of trans feminine folks, or it simply didn't exist.

All of this, along with the backstory that Sauce had for Simoun, led us to determine that Simoun would be adverse to submissive roles in intimate situations. Simoun isn't the type to want to be penetrated either due to previous trauma surrounding his gender. Bear in mind that this isn't meant to imply or suggest that there is only one "acceptable" sexual preference for trans masculine folks, nor is Simoun meant to represent all of trans masculinity; he may be our first trans masculine character but certainly isn't the last, as we hope to feature more types of characters at SnaccPop Studios.

As an aside, it should be noted that the trend of erotic trans feminine content being more readily available doesn't necessarily mean that trans women have more positive representation per se; for every kinky piece of art created by trans feminine folks out there, there could be ten more works that fetishize and objectify their bodies. We probably don't need to tell you about the common derogatory slurs that have been used to refer to them; trans feminine and trans masculine people deal with varying levels and types of transphobia as well as situations that oversexualize (or even undersexualize) them, and it's important to focus on content that doesn't strip them of their autonomy.

There actually was a period of time between the release of his concept art after Soren was onboarded where the team observed comments both on Patreon and in the Discord regarding Simoun, and we discussed how we could avoid having people try to ship Bo and Simoun together; because Simoun hasn't had bottom surgery of any kind, we wanted to ensure that tokophobia (fear of pregnancy) or dysphoria wouldn't become a thing for any of us involved in the team or for our trans masculine Patrons. It was a bit of a chicken or the egg situation, trying to keep up with the evolving comments about Simoun to try and anticipate what people might accidentally say.

Debut Day Thoughts, & Moving Forward

We were quite happy with the general reception everyone had with Simoun, and we're excited to see so many people taking a liking to Simoun after his reveal. SnaccPop Studios has always strived to provide inclusive and diverse stories for those who don't often get represented in media, much less NSFW media, and the team was quite elated to see folks who were just as happy to see Simoun.

We hope that the love and care we put into building Simoun has shone through in this post and will continue to shine as we write more of him for DachaBo, because we're just getting started.

[more-than-a-princess]

@dcviated asked: 10 and 15!

Munday Writing Stuff - Accepting!

Something that bothers you to read in RP specifically?

Two big ones would be muses with no discernible faults or weaknesses (the Mary Sue/Gary Stu sort of muse that should be appealing and attractive to everyone. I have chosen not to follow blogs for this very reason: decent writing quality, but too-perfect muses), and quiet/brooding/introspective muses whose threads don't leave much to interact with or respond to. Closely followed by replies that answer questions from your previous reply, but don't add anything else to the thread.

But a Danganron.pa-specific annoyance? DR muses whose talents never factor into their lives. Yes, they're written as being admitted to Hope's Peak Academy based on such-and-such talent, and then the muns...never show them engaging with that talent. Not even schoolwork.

As fun as high school stories can be, the whole point of Hope's Peak, at least in the Main Course, is to gather students who are incredibly skilled in specific talents while aiming to have them be wholly and completely defined by them, in order to obtain the brightest possible future. A secured career for life, money, fame, etc. That's a lot of pressure for a 16 to 18 year old! There's even canon characters who don't want to be defined by their specific talents, and some who want to pursue other interests but due to their status at Hope's Peak, they can't.

And I really wish more DR muns would explore those topics: how did their muse's talents end up shaping their muse? Did they peak in high school? Did they eventually go on to the success the school promised?

This is more of what bothers me not to read in RP, but I think it still qualifies.

How many times do you reread a reply?

I talked about how many times I read my own in another reply, but here I'll share how many times I reread someone else's starter to me/reply in a thread:

Around a dozen.

Especially if the reply is long and/or there's a Big Dramatic Moment going on.

This is mostly due to my own writing process which involves something like this:

get tagged in reply and/or starter

read said post

Immediately get a few dialogue options that I scribble down for later

think on it for a little while/overnight/while I do something else

sit down to write properly. Read through the post at least twice more.

Put the kettle on for pot of tea #1

Look at my earlier/immediate notes and either decide 'there's something here that might be okay' or 'well this is crap and I have no idea how to match my writing partner's quality and make them feel All The Things'

Decide I need to put on a playlist. Immediately get distracted by whatever random track Spotify thinks my Daily Mix needs.

"Well, I'll read this again and then do some google searches for thread ideas. For accuracy, you know."

This inevitably leads to a deep dive of: blogs, reddit, wikipedia, and/or YouTube

"Oh, this would be a great idea for another thread/a future thread! But wait, I was supposed to get inspo for -this- thread"

Goes back to read the reply a few more times

Right around here is when I try to write the first paragraph and yell about why I can't form words good. I'm an absolute imposter of a writer because why am I not turning around thousands of words per day.

Someone messages me on discord with something inevitably more appealing than trying to write this reply. I engage with it because that's a cute meme or great idea for muse shenanigans

Put on the kettle for pot of tea #2 while browsing the dash

Laugh at some dashcomm, send some memes, immediately forget where I was going with that thread reply

Read the reply once again while the tea steeps

...finally write and queue my reply to the reply, possibly while annoyed this took so long.

This is also why writing more than three replies or starters per day for me is a real achievement. Because each time, I go through this process. I'm sure there's a better way to focus and do things but I've yet to figure it out.

[jamiesugah]

I just finished a five-part, six-hour YouTube deep dive on a 45-year old murder case and it is fucking INSANE and needs to be a miniseries. Way more interesting than another OJ Simpson doc. Who cares.

Anyway. Story. Someone I went to high school with is in jail for murder. He was up for parole a few years ago and got denied. Anyway, when Netflix came out with the new Unsolved Mysteries show, it made me think of him, and I mentioned it on our monthly family video chat. Which prompted my dad to go, "oh that reminds me of when this girl that my sister used to babysit was murdered".

And I just kind of blinked at him. Like. Say more right now. Why am I almost 40 and didn't know this. And he didn't tell me much, but there was a TV movie made about the case so I looked it up. Learned the basics of the case, and it always stayed in the back of my mind, because there didn't seem to be much on it anywhere.

Putting this under a read more just in case people get triggered by it. Also it's long.

So when I looked up the Wikipedia, there was a bit on it, but the basics are that she was a teacher in a town in PA near Philly (she is from my dad's hometown, though, which is super tiny and rural), and she was found in the trunk of her car in a motel parking lot near Harrisburg (which is a couple hours away from Philly). Her children also disappeared and THEY WERE NEVER FOUND. IT'S BEEN 45 YEARS.

It was the kids that kept this in the back of my mind. No one ever found out what happened to the kids. Their dad is dead, both suspects in the woman's murder are dead, and they spent their entire lives claiming that they were innocent and the other man had done it. We will never know what happened to these kids. They were 10 and 11.

Anyway, I fell into a bit of a YouTube spiral this past weekend where I started with watching videos on the Watcher situation, then Jojo Siwa, then J Lo, and then somehow ended up on true crime, specifically The Boy in the Box and then the Yuba County 5. And I was like, "I've never been able to find an official documentary, but surely someone on YouTube talked about this case about the woman and her kids." And lo and behold, I found one.

It is six hours long, which surprised me, but I kept watching because this shit is BONKERS, and the fact that there was only one TV miniseries (even if it starred Stockard Channing and Treat Williams) and, like, 20/20 never even covered this is a huge missed opportunity. This shit is BANANAS and Hulu or something needs to jump on this.

So the two main suspects, who were both convicted (though one was later overturned as the cops withheld evidence during his trial), were the former principal of the school - who was also convicted of robbery and his sentencing was like the day after the murder - and her secret boyfriend and fellow teacher.

By the way, the principal has a Wiki page, the woman - Susan Reinert - does not.

Anyway, the boyfriend/teacher was like a narcissist and compulsive liar. He was dating something like 5 women at the same time (including two former students) while being legally married, and he used to tell people that he had helped the government hunt down rebels in Cuba, which of course was not true. He basically had a little cult of followers around him, and he would ask them to do stuff like HIDE WEAPONS and WIPE FINGERPRINTS OFF $25K IN CASH and no one ever went, "huh that sounds shady" because I guess he was just that charismatic.

The former principal was known to be weird and secretive. He never even let his wife or their children in the basement of their own house (which when they raided because of the robbery they found riddled with bullet holes), and it's more than likely that he murdered his oldest daughter and her husband and then tried to pretend they ran off to California.

Anyway, the boyfriend/teacher spent the months leading up to Susan's murder telling as his "followers" that he knew for sure that the principal was going to kill her and lamenting that he would likely be framed for it because she had made him the beneficiary of her life insurance (which she did, and he would have gotten like $700k which is a lot of money now, let alone in 1979). And none of these people went to the cops or told Susan, even though they all knew each other because they all worked at the same school. So then boyfriend/teacher worked REALLY hard to have an airtight alibi on a specific weekend, which just so happened to be the weekend that she died.

After the murder, all of this dude's followers were like, "wow you were right, principal actually killed her", and then he suddenly started going, "no I think he was framed by the mob" and everyone was like wtf is wrong with you, you have been telling us for months that he was going to kill her. And then his lies started to catch up with him and basically everyone in his influence turned on him and went to the police, except one of his girlfriends, who may or may not have helped him dispose of the kids' bodies, since they were never found.

ANYWAY this case is fucking crazy and should absolutely be immortalized on like HBO or something, but if you want to go down the rabbit hole, this is the first part of the series that I watched. It is super detailed. Like the murder doesn't even happen until part 3. You can also look up The Mainline Murders, there were a couple of books, but one was written by the principal's lawyer.

[bangtanloverboys]

kitten fever // myg

summary - min yoongi wants to be a daddy, but not in the way that you quite expect

pairing - cat hybrid!yoongi x gender neutral!reader

genre - fluff; hybrid au, established relationship au

word count - 7.5k

warning - yoongi being an absolute softie, hinted hybrid discrimination, YOONGI WITH A KITTY, yoongi and yn being domestic, KITTENS, overwhelming love for kittens, yoongi calling himself daddy

author’s note - this is for the bts ghostie dynamite dads event “new dad yoongi”, but make it new cat dad. i snuggled my kitties a lot writing this bc i love them and they are my inspiration for this. anything cat related on my blog is inspired by my own cats, enjoy. i may post a baby photo of one of them bc that’s how i imagine the kitty in this 

2:54 am read the small digital clock in the corner of the room. Yoongi couldn’t sleep. He turned his head over to you, still curled up into his side. Pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, he gently peeled your arm off of him and got out of bed. You let out a soft whine at the loss of his warmth, patting the empty space in a sleepy attempt to find him. He shook his head and chuckled at you, placing another kiss to your head and made his way over to the desk. Seating himself in the wheelie chair, he opened the laptop and typed away into the search bar. 

‘Newborn Kittens’.

He honestly wasn’t sure what was going through his head, but he was feeling something deep down inside. The feeling started sometime a little after you had adopted him and it had only grown stronger when the two of you had gotten together. Originally he thought that was the feeling, the need to be with you. You were his mate and you were it for him; he loved you with every little fiber in his being. But there was still something missing in Yoongi’s heart, and that is what it was.

He really wanted to be a dad. 

Not for like human babies though, no. He didn’t think that either of you were ready for that yet, not for a while. But he really wanted to care and love for something as his own, which has slowly led him down the rabbit hole of kitten videos. Volume set to low, he played videos and listened to the small innocent newborns cry and whine at the new world they were in. The cries resonated deep in Yoongi’s heart. He wanted to care for, guide, and love on a kitten so badly. The only thing is he had to convince you about it. 

After about an hour of him watching and holding back tears over the newborns, he let out a yawn. He exited the tab and cleared the browsing history, an extra precaution he’d taken to make sure you accidentally stumble across it. He didn’t know why he was so nervous about asking you, maybe it’s cause you never talked about having another pet or an actual animal? He vaguely remembered you mentioning the reason you got a hybrid in the first place. You wanted someone to talk to and to keep you in check, which Yoongi thought he did a pretty good job of. You were a bit of an idiot sometimes, but you were his idiot now. His idiot that he had no idea how to tell he wanted to have a baby kitten. 

He quietly tiptoed back over to the bed and carefully slotted himself to lay next to you, once again. You sleepily register the bed dipping next to you, turning over and wrapping your arms back around him; holding him even tighter so he can’t leave you again. He let out a low chuckle at your action, letting you mold yourself against him. With another kiss to the top of your head, Yoongi let his eyes slowly fall shut. Dreaming of the kittens he wanted so badly. 

You woke up earlier than Yoongi the following morning, which was strange, seeing how normally he’s the first to rise. As of lately though, he’s been sleeping in more. You didn’t mind, the past few times he slept in, he had the warmest smile on his face. It was so blissful and it always pulled at your heartstrings to see him look so soft. But whenever he woke up, he acted distant. Like he was holding his breath around you. You don’t know what led him to start acting like this, you tried talking to him about it, you really did. Everytime you brought it up, he acted like it was nothing and dismissed the issue or said he was in a funk. So you’ve taken a back seat, waiting for him to either truly tell you what’s going on or for him to pull himself out of his self-proclaimed funk. With a small sigh passing your lips, you kissed his cheek and gave one of his little ears a scratch, you pulled yourself out of bed to get started on your morning routine. 

With a yawn, you padded down the hallway of your small apartment towards the kitchen. Glancing at the calendar pinned to the fridge, you let out a low groan. Today, you had a lot of paperwork that you could thankfully do at home, but that didn’t help the fact you just wanted a lazy day to cuddle with your boyfriend. But you have work to do, then you can cuddle Yoongi to your heart's content. Quickly, you fashioned a breakfast milkshake; consisting of your last banana, an egg, milk, and some chocolate sauce. The roar of the blender must’ve woken up Yoongi, as soon as you turned it off, you heard his heavy footsteps get closer and closer. You don’t turn to look behind you as two arms and a tail wrap around your waist. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” You smiled as he buried his head into your neck. 

“Morning,” he grumbled, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. 

You stop from finishing your shake to lean into him, nuzzling your cheek against his messy dark hair. “You sleep alright? I thought I felt you get up in the middle of the night.”

“I’m good, just. . . had trouble sleeping last night,” You felt him shift behind you, readjusting himself so his chin is now resting on your shoulder, watching you finish making your shake, “decided to have a wikipedia deep dive to try and bore myself to sleep.”

“Aw, I’m glad you were able to get some sleep though.” You said as you pulled out a metal straw from your utensil drawer into your finished banana-chocolate milkshake. However, Yoongi doesn’t loosen his grip on you. Carefully, you manage to twist yourself around in his arms to look at him. His face is still puffy from sleep, his eyes are blinking lazily as you give him a chaste kiss. “Sleepy kitty.” Upon saying that phrase, you felt Yoongi’s arms stiffen around you. It was only for a moment, then he relaxed and nuzzled his nose to brush against your cheek before letting his arms slip from around you. You don’t let the way Yoongi tensed up at your words, but elect not to bring it up. It’s too early.  

“What do you have planned for today?” Yoongi asked, stifling a yawn as he went to make himself some coffee. 

“Just paperwork,” you huffed as you siphoned through the utensils to find your precious metal straw. “You got anything? Besides taking a cat nap.” You smiled as you took a sip of your shake. 

Yoongi shook his head as he concentrated on his coffee making task, “I got nothing.”

“Maybe when I’m done, we can watch a movie?” You suggested, as you leaned against the countertop. 

“Mm, sounds good.” He responded as he mixed in his coffee creamer. Satisfied with his stirring, he turned back to face you. “There’s a few things I’ve found that I think you might like”, he said as he brought the mug to his lips. 

The small conversation fell and the two of you got started on your routines. You handed Yoongi your glass for him to clean then went to your bathroom to start the day. You couldn’t get over how he froze around you at the little nickname you bestowed on him. Sleepy kitty. Did he not like that? He never had any objections to your pet names previous to this. You couldn’t just chalk it up to it being one of his ‘moods’ because this was a constant thing now. You needed to talk to him, maybe before the movie.

Yoongi on the other hand, felt like banging his head into a wall. How could he be so stupid to have such a blatant reaction to the pet name?! He supposes it has everything to do with the dream he had after he had finally fallen asleep after an hour long cat video binge at such an ungodly hour. He had dreamt of a small tabby kitten, probably no more than 4 weeks old. It was snuggling into his shoulder while he slept, swiping at his tail while he sat and worked, nibbling on his ears- God even just reminiscing about the dream had his heart aching again. 

Shaking his head, tried to push past the consuming thoughts of kittens, refusing to give into his instincts. He focused all his energy into cleaning the dishes; totally not imagining the small cup he was washing as a small kitten, scrubbing it delicately and making sure not to go too hard on it’s small fragile head-

Yoongi dropped the cup in the sink, the plastic banging against the other dishes ringing in his ears as he held his head. He was going to lose it, he knows it. To his concern there’s only one solution to this issue: get a kitten and take care of it. Digging the heels of his palm into his eyes, he let out a deep sigh. There was no other choice he had, he had to talk to you about his kitten fever. 

Finishing up the last of what was in the sink, he dried off his hands and made his way back over to the room. You had already gotten to work, judging by how you barely acknowledged him as he walked in. Walking over to the bed, Yoongi stretched himself over the messed up covers. This was how the two of you did spend most of your days when you were allowed to work from home; with him laying down and watching you work. Resting his cheek on his folded arms, Yoongi kept his eyes on you. Trying his damndest not to let his mind wander from you and to imagining you working with a small kitten on your lap. Your hand caressing its small body while it meows loudly at you as you play with it- He let out a groan, burying his face in his arms to try and escape the mental image he created. 

Hearing him, you turn in your chair to face him, “Yoongi, are you okay?”

Peeking from behind his elbows, concern is written all over your face. He shut his eyes and sat up, “Y/N. . . Can I talk to you?” Your brows furrowed together, a look of panic dashes through your eyes as you nod. Taking a deep breath, he stood up from where he sat and walked over to your desk, leaning against it. “I-,” he started, “I want kittens.”

His admission out in the air, he closed his eyes, fearing your reaction. But no sound of rejection came from you. Opening one eye to peep at you, you were confused. Yoongi could also see the gears turning in your head as you thought of something, anything to respond to him.

“Yoongi, I-I don’t think we’re-”

“Not like that!” He stopped you, seeing how you didn’t quite understand what he was talking about. “I mean like, actual kittens. . . Cats. . .” He explained.

Your mouth parted, “Oooh.” The dots connected, Yoongi’s sudden mood changes started to make sense; especially this morning’s when you called him kitty. All this because he wanted to father kittens? “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Hmm?”

“How long have you wanted kittens, Yoongi?” You questioned.

Bashfully, he looked to his feet, “I don’t know. . . Since we got together, I suppose?”

Your eyebrows shot up into your hairline, “That long?! Why haven’t you told me, baby?” You went to grab his hands, holding them in yours.

“You never said anything about wanting kids, animal or not so I just. . . didn’t say anything.” He responded, keeping his eyes on your interlocked hands. 

“Yoongi, look at me.” He raised his head to meet your gaze, “Human babies I never really thought much on, but kittens? I love kittens so much, of course I’d want to have them with you.”

“Really?” He felt like his eyes were going to pop right out of their sockets “You mean it? I can-We can get a kitten? A baby?” Yoongi couldn’t believe his ears; his vision started to blur as tears welled up in them. The blurry outline of you nodded as you stood, pulling him into a hug as the happy tears fell from his face. 

You cooed at him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, his face burying itself in your neck. “Aww, we can definitely get a kitten. I think having one might be a wonderful little addition to our family, don’t you think?” Yoongi only cried harder in response. You stroked the hairs at the back of his neck, soothing him from his happy tears. “I’ll take that as a yes, I’ll get all my work done today and tomorrow we can go to a shelter and adopt. Okay?” With a nod of his head and a couple sniffles, he pulled away from the hug. You moved your hand to lay it on his cheek, wiping away the remaining tears from his cheeks. “Let me finish this up okay? You do research on some kitten supplies and shelters nearby?”

With that, Yoongi immediately got to work on researching products (within your established budget) and found a shelter a few blocks away from your apartment building. You thanked whatever deity that was watching over you that allowed your apartment to put in a notice for a new pet so last minute. Normally you’d have no qualms about waiting a few days, but the way Yoongi had been keeping this to himself, you didn’t want him to wait any longer. He deserved to be a proud father of a little fur baby. 

All night long, you could feel Yoongi’s excitement radiate from him as he tossed and turned in the bed all night. You could hear him even giggle to himself, whispering how he’s going to be a dad. The words squeezed your heart as you turned to wrap your arms around him, partially to keep him still but also because you were happy that he was so happy about this step for the both of you. Maybe him a little more than you though.

You woke up to an empty bed, you patted around Yoongi’s side, noting it was cold. You were puzzled for a moment, wondering where he might be when the smell of bacon flooded your nose. You let out a light chuckle as you got out of bed, and shuffled down the hallway to see Yoongi in the kitchen, buzzing as he cooked breakfast. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d mistake you for a dog hybrid for being this excited.” You chuckled as you sat down at the table. He narrowed his eyes at you before returning to cooking. Normally Yoongi never went all out with breakfast unless it was a special occasion, you suppose that today might as well be a special occasion, it being the day he finally gets to become a dad. “Did you get any sleep?” You asked as he put some bacon and toast on a couple plates. 

“Enough,” he answered, placing a plate in front of you on the table. You rolled your eyes at his response, you should’ve figured he didn’t get much; but at least he got some of it. “Gotta get used to not sleeping all throughout the night.”

“Yoongi, it’s a kitten. Not an actual baby.” You chortled as you took a bite of bacon, “It’s not gonna wake us up in the middle of the night crying.”

“Yeah, but kittens in a new environment often are excited and don’t sleep much the first night or so.” He responded as he sat down in front of you, “While I’m not a full cat, you should remember how restless I was when you first got me.”

You do remember. He stayed up all night the first few days, getting a feel of your apartment; sniffing around and making some noise, but after that he started to settle in and get comfortable in his new home. “Yes, but cats don’t whine every few hours to be fed.”

“Touche,” he bowed his head in defeat before going to take a bite out of his toast. 

You watched him as he ate, nibbling a bit on your breakfast as you did. As you continued to eat, you noticed he was getting more and more fidgety. Figuring how he wasn’t very upfront with you about getting a kitten, he was waiting on your word to get ready to find a shelter. You smirked a bit as you took a few more bites of your toast before pushing your plate away. “Alright, ready to go?” Before you even finished, Yoongi jumped from his seat and kissed your cheek. You barked out a laugh as your hybrid dashed down the hallways towards the bedroom in a blur of black and white. 

Deciding to take it upon yourself, you cleared the table, seeing how Yoongi was too excited to focus on anything else. You shook your head as you picked up his abandoned breakfast on the table; if he was too excited to sleep, you should’ve figured he’d be too excited to eat. Better make sure the second that kitten crosses the threshold of your apartment that you feed him before he forgets completely to eat. As you finished up in the kitchen, said hybrid came back, “What are you doing?! Why aren’t you getting dressed?!” He exasperated at you, still dressed in pajamas, while he was all nicely dressed. 

“I’m sorry that I want to make a nice impression on the newcomer, when they arrive.” You chuckled as you walked up to him, ruffling his hair. “I’ll get dressed. You finish up here.” In a flash, he was at the sink, furiously scrubbing the pans and plates. You laughed at him again, you wonder how he’s going to react when you tell him that you’re not even gonna stop at the shelter first, seeing how you should get the products first before the kitten steps it’s paws in the apartment. No matter how eager Yoongi was, you needed a litter box first. Kitten second. 

Once you’re dressed and down the hall, your overly eager feline partner was frantically checking himself in the hallway mirror. Letting out a chuckle as he made his hair and ears look as neat as possible. You held up your keys, the jingling catching his attention, he beamed as you moved to put your shoes on and get out of the door.

“What kind should we get? I looked at some of the ones at the shelter and there’s this pretty ragdoll, she’s all white and fluffy- Ooh! There’s this siamese kitten that just had the most beautiful eyes-”

“Yoongi,” you cut off his rambling as you approached your car. “I love you, I really do and I’m excited that you’re excited. But don’t overthink it, let’s just go to the shelter first and see who speaks out to you more. Okay?” 

You watched as he bashfully scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry.” He chuckled nervously.

“Don’t apologize, baby. Now come on, we gotta get going.” You hopped in the car, Yoongi followed behind you, climbing into the backseat. The two of you sit in silence as you drive off, your hybrid humming happily as he stared out the window. It’s only when you pull up to the pet store does Yoongi let out a low groan. 

“This isn’t the shelter!”

You grabbed his hand as he pouted his lips at you, “I know. But we need litter, food, and toys. I don’t want to forget that on the way home.” You pressed a kiss to his knuckles as he dropped his pout. 

“Fine,” he sighed as he unbuckled and got out, clearly unhappy with the decision, but realizing it was the right one either way. 

“You’re acting more like a moody teen than a father to be, you sure you’re ready?” You raised a brow at him, which quickly had him standing up straighter.

“Yes, I am.” He gave a firm nod as he spoke, “Now come on, the fast we get the supplies, the faster we can get the baby.” He took your hand in his and led you into the store. 

You let Yoongi take the lead pushing the cart through the aisles as you searched for the supplies you needed. You could feel stares from other customers as Yoongi was looking at the different types of kitten litter and which one would be best. You felt like they were judging you for bringing your hybrid to the pet store, like you were going to make him actually use the items that were meant for his animal counterpart. 

“Can I help you with anything?” You both turned your head to see a young woman in a blue vest standing there, a confused expression on her face. 

“Actually yes, what brand of litter would you recommend? I’ve read all the reviews but, I’m curious about your opinion?” Yoongi rambled off as he stood, walking to get closer to the employee. “We’re going to adopt a kitten later today and this is both of our first times owning a cat.”

“Oh!” The employee's eyes widened and nodded, now understanding the situation instead of assuming the worst. “Well what age are you looking to adopt?”

“Not sure, I was thinking maybe four to six weeks?” He said as the worker’s eyes examined the wall of litter in front of her. 

“Hmm,” she stepped down and pulled out a medium sized pink box. “This brand is what I’ve seen the best reviews on, anyone with a kitten seems to like it before going on to other litter.” She handed it over to Yoongi, who was bowing his head as he accepted the box. 

“Thank you very much!” He replied, gracious for the help. 

“No problem, anything else I can help you with?” She responded with a grin of her own as she looked between the two of you. 

Yoongi glanced over his shoulder to you, waiting to see if you needed anything at all. You shook your head, “No. Thank you for the offer though, I think we got it.”

Yoongi thanked the employee again before turning to put the box of litter in the cart. “Got litter, got the litter box, food, what else?”

“Toys and a collar?” You noticed that was something lacking from your growing collection of cat necessities. Looking up to Yoongi, you see him with his lips pursed in thought as he stared down into the cart. “Something wrong with that?”

“Toys no,” he said, moving to push the cart forward towards the cat toy aisle. “Collar, I don’t know. I mean, it’s going to be indoors anyways. Does it even really need it?” 

He did have a point, a collar was to ensure that if it got lost you’ll be contacted as soon as it’s found. But considering how it is going to be inside all the time, and with Yoongi always around too, did you really need it? “You’re right, but we don’t know. Why don’t we skip the collar today, and get it when we know for sure. Does that sound good?”

You followed close behind him as he turned into the next aisle, thinking of what you said. “Yeah, sounds good. Just don’t want to make any unnecessary purchases.” You stopped in front of a small wall of colorful toys and stretching posts. Your eyes shifted towards him as he closely examined each and every toy in front of him. “There a limit on how many toys we can get?”

“Let’s start with three,” you laughed lightly as you moved to stand beside him, looking over the different options. “We do need a scratching post, so let’s get this one,” you move to grab a long cardboard scratcher and put it in the cart, “because we don’t need the little baby scratching up the furniture.”

“No we do not,” Yoongi returned with a chuckle, reaching out to grab a small pack of toys in the shape of mice. “These look fun.” 

“What are you gonna play with it too?” You elbowed him gently as he tossed them into the wagon. 

“I just might.” He teased as his attention went back to the wall of toys, he reached forward and grabbed a small plush octopus. He gave it a little shake and it chimed, his eyes immediately lit right up and placed it right next to the other toys. 

“I’m beginning to think those toys are for you more than the kitten,” you joked as Yoongi moved to push the cart out of the aisle and towards check out. He scrunched his nose up at you but didn’t deny your statement. 

Once at the check out, Yoongi put all the items up on the conveyor belt while you went up to the cashier, who was eyeing Yoongi carefully as he checked out each item.Not liking the way he was looking at your hybrid, you cleared your throat, directing his attention back to you. You knew there was still some judgement towards hybrids being out and about in public, but that shouldn’t matter because he was with you. His owner. 

“Did you find everything alright?” The cashier huffed as he bagged your items, going over the register to double check that he scanned everything. 

“Yup!” You gave him a tight smile, not wanting him to give away your displeasure at his behavior. You just wanted out of this pet store now. Yoongi, on the other hand, must’ve sensed your uneasiness and in an instant he stood right next to you, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. Letting out a shaking breath, you returned his squeeze before finishing up your purchase. It certainly was a small hit to your bank account but this was worth it, it was for Yoongi. 

You both gave a quick thank you to the worker before you made your leave, cart full of brand new kitten supplies. As you were loading up the car, Yoongi placed a hand on your shoulder. “You okay?”

“I didn’t like those eyes on us, on you.” You muttered as you shut the trunk closed. 

“Y/N look at me,” he placed his hand on your cheek. “It’s alright, I can deal with a couple of staring strangers. But you’re with me that’s all that matters.” He smiled as his thumb caressed your cheek.

You stood there for a moment, letting him sooth your anxieties before you pulled away. “Okay, now let’s go get that kitten. No sadness today, this is supposed to be a happy time.” Soon as the words left your mouth, Yoongi’s entire demeanor shifted; going from a caring partner, to an excited child with only a few words. 

 “Right! Let’s go!!” With that, Yoongi gave you a chaste kiss before jumping into the passenger side door. 

The drive to the shelter wasn’t that long, and Yoongi was bouncing up and down in his seat like a child on his way to Toys R Us. It was cute though, seeing him this excited. You don’t think you’ve seen him this giddy; you’ve seen him happy of course, but not this kind of emotion. It looked good on him, you hoped he manages to keep it going as the kitten grows old. 

“We’re here!!” Yoongi announced ecstatically as you pulled up in the parking lot. The hybrid waited patiently as he could as you got out of the car, his eyes locked on the door of the small building. It was a bit on the smaller side, but it was a bit more of a homey feeling to it. Something that you thought would be good seeing how this will be the new addition to your family.

Soon as you stepped forward towards him, he bounded ahead of you, eager to get through the door. “Hurry up!” He whined as you leisurely took your time walking up the path to the door. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” you huffed as you finally managed to get to the front door. Yoongi was grinning so hard his cheek muscles were sore, but that didn’t matter. It was finally happening. He was gonna be a dad! 

Door to the shelter opened, he followed you as you stepped inside, glancing around at the posters of various cats and dogs on the wall. He stared at them while a volunteer at the front desk asked to help you. He moved his head to pay attention to the conversation, but little meows echoed from the door where the volunteer entered from. His hand instantly grabbed yours as he heard the little cries; not coming from his computer, but from actual kittens. 

His attention was brought back to you at the sound of your laughter. “You ready, Yoon?” He nodded his head so hard, you feared his head might pop off. Your shoulders shook with another laugh as you looked back to the volunteer, “Can we see them now?”

“Of course!” She answered as she took a few steps back towards the door, holding it open for the two of you. Yoongi followed after her quickly, tugging you along with your hand still tightly grasped in his. The smell of all the other animals filled Yoongi’s senses as they walked down a short hallway. He could hear the sounds of them as well, all calling for the attention of the new people that they no doubt smelled. Soon enough, they approached a door marked CATS, Yoongi felt your eyes on him as the volunteer opened the door and walked in. 

“You ready to be a dad, Yoongi?” Your voice was soft as you squeezed his hand. All he could do was nod as you entered. 

The scent hit him first, the smell of fur and cat food, and litter boxes. Not the most pleasant thing in the world, but at that very moment, it was better than roses to him. Then the sound of dozens of cats meowing away filled his eardrums and he felt his smile get wider as he glanced around the small room. There was a small cat tree in the middle of the room, with silver kennels on either side of it. Some of the doors were open, the felines who inhabited them wandered about the room. The rest of them remained closed, but that didn’t stop them from sticking out their paws between the wires, going out to grab the other volunteers in the room. 

“So all our kittens are about four to six weeks old, all siblings are in the same kennel. Feel free to open them up if you want,” she explained as she walked over to another male volunteer to talk to him. “All their names are on that white board, by the way!” 

There was a small brush against Yoongi’s pant leg. Glancing down, he made eye contact with an orange tabby cat; rubbing it’s head against his calf. The creature looked up and meowed at him, curious about the two new strangers who came in. Ever so slowly, Yoongi knelt down petting it’s head and letting it keen into his hand. Above, he could hear you coo as at the sight before getting distracted with another cat that came up to you. 

Yoongi felt like he was going to cry, he had to only take one home? When there’s so many here that all need homes? He was so close to just begging you to take them all home, but he knew that that wouldn’t be a good idea. Taking a deep breath, he got back up to his feet and walked over to one of the kennels and peered in, looking at the small fluff balls curl together for warmth. Carefully, he moved to open the wire door without waking any of them, but it appears his presence was enough to wake them because sure enough, small mewls added into the already noisy room as he opened the door completely. 

“Hi,” his voice was barely a whisper as he reached in and let the kitten sniff at him, getting adjusted to his scent before moving to touch any of them. A small white kitten with the bluest eyes reached up to grab at his fingers, its small claws digging into his skin. “Ow,” he feigned with a chuckle as he lowered his head to scratch at the fur balls ears. “You’re a curious one, aren’t you.” He lilted as he turned his attention to another kitten. This one was black, but strangely enough has small light grey stripes decorated its body. It was a bit more separated from the rest of the litter, smaller too. Intrigued, he moved his hand over to it and let the kitten sniff it. When it seemed to accept him, he let his hand curl around its small body, lifting it out of the cage and into his arms.

“You found someone, Yoongi?” He heard you ask as you approach him, a small gasp leaving your lips when you see the tiny creature in his arms. “Oh my goodness! Aren’t you precious!” You melted as you reached your finger out to stroke its head. 

“I see you’ve found the runt of the litter,” the volunteer noted as she walked over to you both, a smile on her face. “She’s all healthy, so if she’s the one you want, she’s ready to go home with you.”

Yoongi could feel your eyes on him, looking for an answer on if this was the one you were going to take home. He stared down at the small cat in his arms, who’s big eyes stared right back at him. He could feel it deep in his heart, this was the one. This was his baby. “Yeah, it’s her.”

“Okay, babe.” You kissed his cheek before looking back to the kitten still in his arms. “Hi baby, you almost match your daddy.” You giggled as you gave her one last scratch before confirming with the volunteer that you’ll be taking that one home. 

With a smile, she nodded, asking you to follow her to finish up the paperwork while telling another volunteer to help Yoongi with getting her ready to leave. He readjusted the kitten in his arms so she was now laying against his chest, rather than in his arms. The other volunteer held a cardboard carrier with an old towel in it out. Yoongi was hesitant at first, not quite ready to let his new found child out of his arms just yet. 

“Come on, buddy. She’s gonna be okay,” he encouraged Yoongi as he reached for the cat. Holding back the urge to swipe at him and carry the cat out in his arms, he knew you wouldn’t want him to make a scene. So he complied, letting him take the kitten from him and into the carrier. The volunteer handed it over to him; but instead of holding it by the handle, he held it by the bottom in both hands. Not wanting to jostle her around before getting to the car. 

The volunteer escorted him back out to the lobby, where you were finishing up. “Yoongi, what are you gonna name her?” You asked. The question caught him off guard, he didn’t know what he was gonna name his kitten. He’s wanted one for how long and he never thought of one? He quickly racked his brain for names, not wanting it to sound too cheesy or weird but none came to mind. 

“I, uh,” he was embarrassed at the predicament. But you merely laughed at him before placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s just for the chip she got, I’ll just put down Min for now alright?” You looked to him for his permission. He nodded, the two of you will figure out a better name to call her in the meantime. But at least she’s got a nickname on her. 

Paperwork all done, and a car full of new cat stuff. The two of you drove back to your apartment, and all the while Yoongi was flinching with every confused little meow that came from the white box on his lap. Unable to take it anymore, he cracked open the carrier a bit, just enough to stick his hand in and sooth her of both his and her anxieties about the drive. You rolled your eyes at the action, mumbling something under your breath about coddling her before she’s even gotten to the house. But Yoongi couldn’t help it! He hated hearing the small and scared whimpers, he couldn’t just do nothing!

When the drive finally came to a stop, you handed Yoongi the key to the apartment. “Put her in our room, close the door and come back here to help me with the rest of the stuff. Okay?” You instructed, to which Yoongi followed to the T. Well almost to the T.

Once he got into the house, he opened up the carrier and pulled out the kitten. “This is your new home.” He started as he walked around, showing her the place. “This is the living room and the kitchen area, we’re out here a lot. Don’t try to scratch up the couch please, or Y/N is gonna kill us both.” He chuckled as he made his way down the hall, pointing at different photos and giving a story. “This is the bedroom, where we sleep. You can sleep here too.” He went on and he placed her down on the ground. “Now you can explore while we go get your things.” He said, but didn’t move. Watching how the kitten sniffed around the new place, getting a feel of it. A smile on his face, he slowly started backing out of the room, closing it behind him.

He rushed back out of the door, but before he made it to your car, he ran into you, an annoyed look on your face. “You got distracted with the kitty, didn’t you?” Yoongi looked down at the ground, feeling a bit guilty for putting the baby before his partner but thankfully you seemed to understand. “Fine, just get the cat litter. Couldn’t carry it all by myself.” You jerked your head in the direction of the car. Nodding, he ran down to go get the rest of the things.

Setting the majority of the cat stuff down, you quietly started towards the bedroom. Cracking open the door, you don’t see anything just yet. You push the door open a bit more, still nothing but there is a small little lump of poop on the floor, stinking up the whole room. “Gah,” you gagged as you quickly went to the kitchen to grab some paper towels and cleaner. “Knew I should’ve told him to get the kitty litter ready first,” you muttered to yourself as you cleaned up the little troublemaker’s poop. After being sure to toss it in a trashcan in the bathroom, you began looking for the little one.

Laying flat on the ground, you peered under your bed. The small outline of the kitten was seen in the middle of the bed, out of reach for you to grab. “Aww, come here baby. No ones gonna hurt you.” You stretched your arm out under the bed, the tips of your fingers barely grazing her soft fur. You could feel her lower her nose to your hand, sniffing you out before rubbing her head against your palm. 

“What are you doing?” You heard Yoongi’s voice called out from above you.

“She hid under the bed,” you explained as you pulled your arm out from underneath the space. 

Yoongi pursed his lips in thought as he leaned down, taking his turn to reach under the bed. “Come here baby, come on.” He made kissy noises, trying to lure her out. “Come to daddy.” But to no avail, she didn’t come out. 

Disappointment was written across his face as he sat up. “Aww, don’t be upset Yoon. She;s just scared. She’s in a new place,” you placed your hand on his cheek. “Why don’t we set up her stuff, maybe she’ll come out then.”

Begrudgingly, he agreed. You set up all the stuff in the room first, just to get her accompanied to the new place before the rest of the apartment. You had Yoongi handle setting up her litter box and opening up her toys while you set up her food and water. Cat stuff thoroughly thrown about the place, you saw small little paws peek out from underneath the bed. 

“Yoongi,” you nudged your hybrid to look at where you were pointing. 

Instantly, he began to lower himself to the ground, not breaking eye contact with her as she watched him slowly go down and down until he was laying flat on his stomach. Taking a few tentative steps, she got closer to him. Sniffing at his ear which twitched at the close proximity of her black little nose. “Those are my ears,” he stated simply as she started to swat at them and his hair. “Hey,” he chuckled, lifting his head away from her paws. “Don’t hurt daddy.”

“You’re really gonna stick with daddy?” 

“Got a problem with that?”

“Not at all,” you raised your hands in defense, not wanting to argue with him. He moved back to sit on the ground next to you and watch as the kitten curiously bounded around the room. She looked up at you before making slow steps over, before putting her paws on your thighs. You looked up at Yoongi who looked nearly green with envy. “Guess we know who her favorite is.” You teased. 

“No no no no,” he said as he leaned over before picking up the cat, plopping her on his lap. “She’s gonna be a daddy’s girl, if it’s the last thing I do.” You would’ve thought she would’ve hated being moved by force and would’ve jumped away, but she didn’t. She snuggled herself deeper into his lap and started purring. Now it’s your turn to be jealous.

“No fair,” you grumbled as you leaned forward to pet her again.

Yoongi only stuck his tongue out at you before turning his attention back down to the cat. “Moonlight.”

“What was that?”

“Her name is Moonlight. Moonie for short,” he said, his eyes never leaving her as he let his hand stroke her.

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the kitten. “Welcome to the family, Moonie.”

The rest of the day is spent with you and Yoongi on the ground, playing with her, completely ignoring the rest of the world. You took a lot of videos of her playing around Yoongi’s tail. It was precious to see how well he was with her; jumping into his new role as a cat dad. It warmed your heart. With each of her squeaky meows,  Yoogni would respond with one of his own; his deep voice making a low meow, sounding nothing at all like a cat. Yet she still responded, meowing back only louder and more pitchy.

As they continued to play, it became painfully obvious that Yoongi definitely bought those small mouse toys for him because he was playing around with them a lot more than her. Moonlight on the other hand, was approaching your bed. Pouncing on it in an attempt to climb up top. With a laugh, you helped her up onto the mattress, watching her as she waddled about the uneasy surface. 

Your stomach growled, hungry for some food. “I’m gonna go make something real quick.” You got up and kissed the top of Yoongi’s head before walking out of the room and towards the kitchen. You made a quick sandwich to refuel before getting back to playing. As you ate, you thought of how well this was going to be. Granted it was only the first day, but this was going to be good. Just by the look on Yoongi’s face you could tell. He was absolutely in love with that small little ball of fur, his baby. Your baby. 

Finishing up your little sandwich, you made your way back to the bedroom. It was quiet, you didn’t hear any more rustling or mewling. Brows furrowed, you opened the door and the sight you saw before you melted you. Yoongi laid curled up in the middle of the bed, similar to how he did when he first got comfortable with you when you got him. Moonlight was tucked close to his chest with an arm draped over her, fast asleep.

On your tiptoes, you made your way over to the bed to lay opposite of Yoongi. They both stirred as the mattress dipped beneath your weight, but both remained with eyes closed. You let your arm drape over Yoongi’s side, effectively sandwiching Moonlight between the two of you. There the three of your laid, tired smiles on your faces as you warmed the new addition of the family between you.

[everything-laito]

if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too. 

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well. 

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em. 

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse. 

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason. 

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track. 

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors. 

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older. 

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki​ and @amiecris​ for helping me think this through on Zara’s server! 

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance. 

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It’s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too. 

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her. 

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this. 

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn

[helloliriels]

Prompt #2: Allergies

February 2021 Johnlock prompt challenge, hosted by @ohlooktheresabee. Daily entry by 🐝 @helloliriels🐝 *** 🐝🐝🐝 Gonna have to cheat on this one, down sick, but since bees & allergies go together, here it is. Enjoy! 🐝🐝🐝 ***

Do Bees Kiss? or just Sting? 

Q: Do bees "kiss"?

             Why do bees "kiss"?  I went to Wikipedia.

A: When bees "kiss" they are actually passing nectar to other bees.

*******************************************

Sherlock kisses John.

It was early morning. And John was getting ready for work.

Sherlock bloody Holmes of course, pays no attention to people's privacy or morning routines, and can't be bothered to explain why he's standing in John's way as he makes his toast and goes about his business...  but there he is. Every place John needs to be. Waiting for something.

John is just about done and ready to head out the door - No thanks to Sherlock for making him late again - when he gets the shock of his life.

Sherlock kisses him.

A small peck on the lips. Almost chaste. Like those kisses you give to your crush in kindergarten. Or to your mum. When she insists.

John thinks it's an experiment. He knows it is. 

It must be. 

He gives Sherlock a 'you done now?' look, then goes around him when he gets no reply. 

Sherlock heads off to do his own morning routine. John sighs. Dropping the butter knife in the sink with a loud clank. Exasperated. He doesn't have time for this shit. 

Why do I bloody put up with it? 

He fumbles with his keys and jacket. Noting now that the genius has decided to get OUT of his GOD damn way of course, he is twice as late!!

He heads out the door in a rush. Slamming it, just a little in revenge on the way out.

***

Talking to Greg later that evening - around the corner from a crime scene where Sherlock is currently arguing with Anderson - he tells him about it off-hand. Confession of a sort. Get it off his mind. Greg will think it's damn funny.  "Pompous git, gave me a kiss earlier..."

"Wha???!!!....," Greg mouths a mock 'O' in awe as he turns to look at John, eyes wide in amazement...  a look that fully says, 'finally! It's going down!'

"I know right?" Playing it up, John laughs it off. Great joke. Were not a couple! He shrugs.

"What else happened?? What did he say?" Greg was dying to know now, taking his hands out and shaking John for more details. The man wanted details?! John could see this was the happiest moment of Papa Lestrade's life. It was almost a bummer to have to disappoint him...

         🐝   ***REST UNDER THE CUT***   🐝

"No, no, nothing like that." John reassured, "God I wish!" (It came out before he had time to stop himself). And Lestrade looked taken aback.

He added a little "Haha," like he had meant it as a joke after all.

He really didn't.

         Sobering thought.

Thinking better to explain himself, he added - "Hey, don't tell Sherlock I just said that?... by the way. Bit not good. It was just an experiment after all, I'm sure. You know how he is."

Greg was still just... flabbergasted. A balloon deflating. Open mouthed staring at John. No words.

John's half sad-smile said more than he probably intended. Shouldn't have mentioned it after all, he thought. "Well!" He added cheerfully, slapping Greg on the shoulder. "Was a fun case tonight. Sherlock will be happy. Solved it in under 5 minutes!" He prepared to leave, and shot off a parting, "See you round." With a half-smile. He bowed his head and walked off to follow Sherlock who was now leaving. John had his hands in his pockets now. Quite unlike him. Shuffling along. 

Greg watched as John kicked some debris in his path in frustration, mindlessly, as they left. He had never seen the man looking so downtrodden...  

At least, not after such a brilliantly resolved case! John was usually on cloud nine after watching the curly haired genius work. It was rather embarrassing really. The puppy eyes that looked up in worship at Sherlock as he dished out deductions, it was almost criminal. But lately he was getting more and more moody... Greg wondered.

And here, with this new evidence, Sherlock had managed to...   He stopped. Shaking his head. Unbelievable. Just unbelievable...

Greg took one last look over his shoulder at their retreating forms, before heading out himself. 

 "Unbelievable."

*** 

The week goes on.                       

Sherlock continues to kiss him, Randomly. Small pecks mostly. But sometimes a smooch. Nothing more. No explanations. Just kisses.

Experiment.

Must be. John kept telling himself.

Experiments require further data. It was the only possible explanation...

Sherlock had never shown any signs of wanting... relationship in his life. Mister 'girlfriends aren't his area' and 'married to his work', and... 'alone protects me'...  had never expressed any interest in any men either (that John knew of?). Hell, he'd even turned down some of the most bloody gorgeous ones they had met so far, both men and women. So John doubted that he was interested in that sort of thing. Some people just aren't.

The only really odd thing about it, is - Sherlock isn't saying anything to address the kisses.... 

It must be like having toes on the kitchen table, to him. John thought. A dummy hanging itself from their rafters. Or penicillin growing in the bread box. I'm just a thing. A dummy for this latest experiment.

At that last thought, a realization dawned on John. A horrifying, terrible realization. How had he not seen it sooner?!

Was Sherlock going to break out some rare dye, or some insane chemical powder he'd concocted - to dust and test John's lips for lip prints left at a crime scene next?? John could just see himself going to work with purple lips and a chemical burn that would take weeks to heal. Perhaps even suffering an allergic reaction...

All because Sherlock did not realize the exotic stuff would not COME OFF!!! and was actually quite dangerous.

He pinches the bridge of his nose at the thought. Exasperated. 

His brain hurts now. 

    This was happening a lot lately. 

The thought of what he was going to be subjected to next....the worry. Was almost worst. Well, it is worse - than the kisses, John thinks.

The kisses. 

Damn. Need to stop thinking about this.

John did his best to push it out of his mind. Not wishing to upset the equilibrium of their friendship. Crazy as it might be right now. At least this is one way, he was getting what he wanted? Or something like it. Gift horse and all. One doesn't ask...

He is tempted to ask however, about how you would go about setting up a mind palace? Just so he could keep the memories locked forever away in there to return to. But that would be more than telling.

So he just closes his eyes most of the time, when he knows it's going to happen; and stores it in the best way he knows how. Memorization. Skills learnt in public school. Repetition. 

Sherlock was certainly giving him that. 

John smiles despite himself. He gives it about a week before the worst will come out.

           He isn't wrong.

***

The height of ridiculousness comes one morning, almost exactly a week later. 

John is there in the kitchen, fork in hand - eating his breakfast, and reading the paper out of the corner of his eye. Completely non-plussed, while Sherlock continues to dive in for a small kiss. Between. Every. Single. Bite. The paper rattles a bit each time. 

John isn't even looking at him anymore.

Or acknowledging that this is happening.

At all.

He's got his back to the cabinets, facing out. And his slippered foot keeps tapping away.

Sherlock, as anyone watching would have seen - was acting as childishly as could be imagined. Not unlike when you see two kids who won't stop hitting one another, while say 'I'm not hitting you". If he hadn't been the recipient of it, John might have thought it was quite funny.

He wasn't sure how long this was going to go on. And clearly had decided to take the saint's role and be above it all; when Sherlock dives in for one more kiss. 

This time, he presses in deep, and opens his mouth a little. Holding it there. Breathing his air. 

  Waiting.

  Watching with a perplexed furrow of his brow,

                  for John's reaction.

Oh god. John thinks. Feeling the warm breath, and the warmer lips pressed up against his own.

What is now a very REAL, albeit awkward, kiss.

Sherlock does not have much experience in this area, after all.

John's breathing stops. He swallows hard. Tries to remember not to drop his fork.

His heart has just jumped out of his chest. And is now screaming at him. Pumping and pulsing like it's running a marathon. And his eyes scan around the room, as if someone might materialize from thin air, who could help, or at least explain all of THIS to him?!!!

     ...WHat the HeLL wAs GoiNg On??!!!

Lips still connected, breath shared, he looks up at Sherlock at last. Unable, really to avoid it at this point. He makes eye contact. 

His eyes full of fear, his eyebrows raised in question.

And showing... Honestly showing something else entirely, he hadn't meant to show at all.

Longing.

He looks like he is about to cry. He is about to cry. This. THIS. Is too much.

Sherlock can't have THIS from him. Not without a relationship. 

He pulls away. And turns his head, his lips out of reach. Closing his eyes. His signal, that he is DONE.

Done with this bloody experiment. Done with his stupid, unfeeling, selfish flatmate. Just done.

***

He feels, more than sees, Sherlock grin his way out of the kiss. Backing off just the slightest bit. But still not going away. 

When he looks back a few moments later, having calmed down his own breathing. And collected his feelings. Sherlock is still standing there. Looking down at him. A wicked grin on his face. At that look, John is stunned. Has this all been a JOKE to the man?!! 

He has only a moment to think before Sherlock's lips are on his again.

John drops everything this time. Throws, more like. Literally - newspaper, plate, fork, all of it - down. And pulls down on Sherlock's neck, forcibly dragging him closer. If Sherlock wants to kiss, then GOD DAMN IT, he is going to get fucking KISSED! And John releases everything that has been pent up inside of him, all week. All month. All of the years he has known and been in love, with Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock was now holding onto him also, arms wrapping around his middle. Keeping him upright, somehow. While John was snogging him senseless.

That should teach him. John thinks as he pulls away. Completely out of breath and panting with the exertion he had just enforced. And glares up at his flatmate. Absolute daggers.

But Sherlock...  is now blushing, and looking pleased as punch. The response John sees, is also the kindest, and gentlest look in his eyes.

More love than he has ever dared to hope for from anyone, let alone, from his companion. More love than John thought the man standing before him, was capable of feeling. 

Contrary to everything Sherlock had tried to tell everyone, loudly, since the day John had met him. This was Sherlock being human. 

And it was all for him.

It was like a wall had come down. And the great genius' emotions were laid bare - exposed before John, for what they really were. Insecurity. Inexperience. He was offering himself up as a gift to be taken. A student to be taught. And John had... Oh.

Oh.

John blushes. He had just taught. Hadn't he?

Sherlock smiled. Glad to see John finally catching up. A puzzle at last, solved. 

A sweet little shrug of, forgive me? but this was the only way I know how... accompanied his smile. And John found himself laughing with relief at the expression. Giddy with it.

He pulled Sherlock back in to himself, gently this time. And gave him more of a sweet, first-date kiss.

With Sherlock's permission, it deepened it into a full, gorgeous, lovers kiss - His hand gripped tight in the expensive fabric of Sherlock's shirt, to keep him in place. Buttons be damned.

This kiss was;

Full of all the things John had wanted to say; 

Full of all the things Sherlock had been trying to say;

Full of all the things they had both held back for so long.

When it ended, John felt Sherlock lick a tiny bit of honey off of the corner of his mouth. Humming as he did so.

A little like a buzz.

🐝🍯🐝 Not unlike a bee.🐝🍯🐝

John shivered in anticipation. As Sherlock led the way...

If this was what loving Sherlock Holmes was going to be like... Watson smiled, then sign him up as beekeeper.

***************************************

posted on AO3 by helloliriels

More great fics and daily updates under the February 2021 Johnlock prompt challenge from ohlooktheresabee on AO3

[alistonjdrake]

June’s World Building Cheat Sheet Part Eight: I Didn’t Vote For You

*At least I think it’s part eight and it’s actually been five months since my last relevant post!

I’m kind of ashamed this didn’t occur to me when I was writing my first group of world building posts. It’s something I think about constantly in the genre I write and something I’ve definitely noticed other people struggle with because to some it’s not something that seems immediately apparent or like it needs to be fleshed out. 

What am I talking about?

When I first started sharing my fantasy stories online one of the most popular plots for other people in, near, and around my social circle was the story of the rebellion. Whether it’s the rebel princess or the dashing fugitive someone in these stories was always rebelling. I can understand why. Revolution is a pretty compelling story. However it was never clear what they were rebelling for, what they were rebelling against (besides a vague “monarchy” or something similar), and most importantly what they were going to do/reform if they won. 

That’s right people, buckle in we’re taking a deep dive into politics.

What is a Political Ideology?

In part five of this series I did go over creating political divides a little but that was mostly focused on a much larger scope (like nation vs nation). And while nation vs nation can still apply here we’re gonna be looking more at creating parties and ideology. So first, let’s borrow from wikipedia and answer this header question. 

In social studies, a political ideology is a certain set of ethical ideals, principles, doctrines, myths or symbols of a social movement, institution, class or large group that explains how society should work and offers some political and cultural blueprint for a certain social order.

Okay I know that may sound like a tall order so let’s break that down.

So what are politics? Politics are the activities associated with the governance of a country. So think of some of the things mentioned in my previous political post like ensuring clean water or sanitation needs (if that becomes a government responsibility in your setting). Now I know in that post I mentioned disagreements and what people would argue over and when forming a political party that is exactly how you should think about it. Take one of those governing activities and think of ways people would either debate or completely disagree over how or why it should be done. 

I tend to work backwards when it comes to this. To put it simply, and in terms of my own writing, Valera came before the Rusnaks. 

In my setting the “Rusnaks” are a defined ideology and party that exists throughout the continents, named after the man credited for either creating it or popularizing it for the masses. But the character Valera who first shows up in the stories is what I used to create the ideology before I gave it a backstory and more defined characteristics. It was easy to do it this way for me because Valera, at his core, was meant to be the complete opposite of the “norm” presented in the rest of the setting. As most of the characters are nobility, he was not. Most of the characters came from a very privileged background, he did not. Most of the characters were either allied with or had appreciation to faith and the church, he did not. 

When creating a rebel (or a rebellion to back them) it’s not enough to say they simply don’t like the monarchy. Why? What are their specific grievances with the current system in place? Much ideology sometimes comes in the space of a need that isn’t being fulfilled. What does this group plan to accomplish and if they are successful, how do they hope to change the system they dislike?  

On the other side, the opposing system should also be fleshed out, especially in settings when the government is said to be supremely powerful and oppressive and yet readers are never really told what the people in power want. Political parties have an agenda. They have a goal in mind. It’s good to say there’s an disagreement present but it’s not really a fleshed out argument if neither side seems to know what they’ll do if they win. 

Take it in pieces. Nothing that isn’t relevant should very grace the page but if your story has anything to do with politics like mine, there are probably certain issues the characters are aware of and may want to address. Use those issues that are already affecting the plot to expand on the ideologies that may be present/influencing the world they live in. 

A member of the royal family in my book is always aware and wary of growing support of Rusnak parties since one of their goals is to get rid of monarchy. A local lord might pay more attention to his charitable works and support of the public if he knows a local group is growing loud over class injustice. 

Agree to Disagree 

So I’ve started to touch on these points a little but I’m just gonna hammer them in some more. This, for the most part, is what I look at when grouping together political stances in my settings to create an ideology or party. Now, in the case that this party exists as a reaction to a system that’s in place my first question is usually:

What is their problem with this?

In fairness, this is not always the most basic question to answer but yeah, what is it? They live in a dystopian world or they’re fantasy peasants who don’t like their liege. Okay, but what specifically? What are their grievances? Is it a lack of representation for a certain group in the governing party (i.e voting rights or elected positions)? Is it the distribution of wealth (or lack thereof)? Are they mad because their local government hasn’t fixed the main road in a while? Is it not the government as a whole but just who is currently in charge of it?

What is their proposed solution?

You have a problem, now how do they want to fix it? Usually my problem with so many rebellion stories is the solution is “they want to get rid of the monarchy” and okay, then what? What do they want to replace it with? because multiple groups can stem from that vague statement and have completely different ideas of what they should do in the aftermath. 

What influenced them?

It had to stem from somewhere. As a collective did they wake up one day and suddenly realize they had different ideas than other people? Did they read a book they agreed with? Did another movement suddenly spark the growth and spread of people to sprout different ideologies (let us go back to the Enlightenment)? Did the advancement of society allow for the birth of a new class or different types of people joining an old one (and thus their needs changed)?

Hopefully by now you have a basic outline. At every point, it’s fun (and probably helpful for the setting) to think about why someone would oppose this when creating a group. Personally I think it’s very easy to make one group abundantly right and the other very wrong (usually in the case of dystopian governments) but it’s important to remember as readers we’re supposed to believe these groups gained popularity. That something about it as charming enough to get people on board and they supported it. What about it drew people in that no one has rebelled before or that other fractions have been largely unpopular or unsuccessful. 

To tie a bow on it, if you think about politics in your setting as problem solving it should become easier to come up with different ideas as to how to solve that problem. Those solutions can serve as the basis for the different ideologies or political parties present either among your characters or just in the background to give that world that lovely, June-approved, lived in feel. 

[silenceinthenull]

Swapped

So, I just saw someone post something about Gordon and benrey swapping bodies and it made me remember this little thing I did a while back. I had totally forgotten about it. I decided to post it here because I thought it was an interesting concept.

The first thing he noticed when he wakes up is how everything aches. He knew the ground was uncomfortable but he didn't think it would fuck him up this bad... until he realizes he can feel the ground... not the ground through the HEV suit gloves but the actual ground... he jolts up only to crumple back into himself. That was far too fast to be normal and his bones ache even more.

"Hello Gordon! It would appear you and I have swapped bodies!"

He blinks at that and looks up at... himself... he's very confused for a moment before what dr. Coomer actually said sets in... is this how dr. Coomer lives?

"I'm sorry for the pain my friend, I just took the opportunity to dispose of some of my clones while in this much more spry form! I simply forgot you would feel everything they felt."

He slowly stands up, wobbling a bit as all his movements seem more robotic and sharp now.

"It's... it's okay dr. Coomer. I'm just glad you don't always feel like this... so how did this happen?"

"We seem to have stumbled upon the black mesa mental manipulation experiments! More specifically you were hit with what has been labeled the swap gun! I was never informed how far they got into these experiments."

Gordon looks at himself. He never noticed before how absolutely ripped dr. Coomer was... it was kind of terrifying... but as the pain faded he was glad for it. He was glad dr. Coomer was so strong, if he wasn't they would have lost him long ago.

"Where are the others?"

"They feel down the shaft!"

He points to a flooded elevator shaft on the other side of the room. Gordon approaches it, only to be pushed in. His body seemed to react immediately as he dived in, swimming around the busted elevator at the bottom into the hall below and up a second elevator shaft into a new room where bubby and Tommy sat, talking about beyblades or something... or test tube babies/puppies... Gordon honestly couldn't tell.

Something pushes him out of the water and he looks over, confused. Oh. Dr. Coomer, in his body, climbs out of the shaft with ease, picking Gordon up and carrying him to the others... holy shit how did Coomer make his body so strong.

"Were you aware the power movement function on your suit was deactivated Gordon?"

"... my what?"

"Your power movement function! ..."

He starts rambling about the function Gordon didn't even know he had as if he was reading off another one of his wikipedia articles. He sits Gordon next to the others and does an awkward squat. It's very hard to sit in that suit...

"Gordon, I'm uncomfortable."

"Yeah... it helps if you use an actual chair, or just lay out..."

Dr. Coomer flops face first onto the floor.

Gordon groans, just knowing his nose is going to hurt when he gets his body back... if he gets it back anyway...

And he's suddenly laying on the floor, nose uncomfortably pressed against the concrete. He slowly stands up.

"Hello Gordon! I'm comfortable!"

"... me too dr. Coomer. Me too."

Gordon was getting tired this. One more claymore and he was going to lose his fucking mind! He peeked around the corner, looking for any more of those telltale blue lasers. Only to be very startled when he was sudden standing behind himself and he just pulled the trigger, watching as a bullet whizzed past his own head detonating a claymore just out of range of hurting any of them.

He froze for a second as everything seemed to move in slow motion, soldiers rushing towards them as the dust settles and without thinking he pulls the trigger again, barely even having to think about aiming everyone who was rushing them almost immediately drops.

He takes a deep breath and there's a quiet electrical buzzing in his ear from the rails below them as he looks at the others, coomer, bubby and himself, meaning he's in Tommy's body... everything felt... different, but in a way he couldn't describe. Things he didn't even notice before were suddenly at the forefront of his mind, like the way the now empty gun in his hands clicked quietly as he continued to pull the trigger, or the way standing on the electric rail actually felt... really nice... or how that electric buzzing from the rail wouldn't stop!

He got off the rail but it didn't help. Why was it suddenly so loud? He covered his ears but it really didn't help. He pressed the clicking gun to his head and that blocked out some of the noise but it was still there.

"It's so quiet... is it always like this for you mr. Freeman?"

He looks at Tommy.

"I... I guess? It's... its different. So loud... so constant... how can you stand... how do you think... how do you live like this?"

It was so much he just wasn't to rub his ears until they stopped working... Tommy quickly pulls him away from the rails. The pressure of the hand wrapped around his wrist feels... nice... but wrong at the same time. He doesn't understand.

Tommy reaches into Gordon's coat pocket and pulls out what looks like the launcher of a beyblade. He gently takes it and does the ripping motion and suddenly all Gordon can focus on is that sound. He quickly takes the toy and starts doing the motion over and over, blocking out the rail and making the most heavenly sound he's ever heard over and over.

Gordon is immediately pulled out of it when dr. Coomer puts a hand on his shoulder and he immediately feels very wrong. He moves out from under the hand and stares at him, confused.

"Are you alright Gordon?"

"I don't... know... everything seems like it's too much!"

Even speaking felt so wrong! The words leaving his mouth felt bad! He covers his mouth, quietly stomping his foot. That helped. That thud in his leg. That helped.

"You need to stop mr. Freeman. You're going to hurt yourself. Stomping like that isn't the best stim."

Gordon looks at him, confusion clear on his face.

"I know it feels good, but you're damaging the muscles."

Benrey walks over, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Tommy! What's up bro? Rails getting to be too much? Need some soda to chill?"

He stops in front of him with a smile, not a smirk or anything mocking like he would give Gordon and holds out a soda.

"That's a great idea! Drink that mr. Freeman! It will help!"

He's still confused, and benrey is too now, looking between Gordon and Tommy. Gordon takes the soda and opens it. Oh, nice sound, good. Oh, nice feeling! Better! The fizz touching his lips has him in heaven again and he can even relax a little. No wonder Tommy had soda for lunch.

Bubby huffs and walks ahead and Gordon feels bad for holding them up. So bad tears start welling up and he doesn't know why it hurts so much... benrey pulls out another soda and Gordon takes it without hesitation, trying to soothe the sadness that seemed to bubble up from nowhere. It... might of worked? He doesn't know because the next moment he's back in his body looking at Tommy quickly wipe up his tears.

"... is there any way we can help you manage that tommy?"

"I'm okay mr. Freeman... I know... I'm used to it."

He gives a reassuring smile and Gordon believes him, but wishes he could help more. He decides Tommy gets first dibs on soda from now on.

Gordon was in a tube... the last thing he remembered was the lights going out and then nothing... he looks around for a way out but he really was trapped. It was frustrating. He felt trapped and alone... eventually he heard voices, dr. Coomer, Tommy and... his own? Was he in bubby's body!? He didn't feel any different... soon they walked into view and he saw it... dear god...

"You just had to fuck up!"

Gordon jumps a bit and stares at himself.

"You couldn't just take your punishment like a man, could you!? Had to make me suffer in your place!"

"... you let them cut off my fucking hand!"

He remembers the voices after the lights went out, what bubby said... he remembers the pain.

"That wasn't the plan! They were just supposed to rough you up a but!"

"And!? You sold me out to the fucking military!"

And suddenly everything feels different. It feels wrong, everything hurts, he's lightheaded. He looks down before he registers anything else.

"And now I'm back in my fucking tube!"

He stares at the stump. He feels sick. He wobbles a bit but dr. Coomer catches him and brings him to the console. Gordon looks at it, seeing the release button and just pressing it.

"... you're just going to let me out?"

"... you suffered more then enough..."

And they moved on.

Gordon sighs as they headed down the elevator, clutching his aching stump. He was very Surprised to see the scientist. After everyone was introduced everything shifts again... he closes his eyes, please don't tell him he's in benrey... he slowly opens them and looks at himself... darnold? He turns back to his body who is looking around, shocked.

"... were you hit by the swap gun?"

"Yeah. Do you know anything about it?"

"Nope, just that sometimes you don't swap back... better fix up your body just in case then!"

He happily walks over to a barrel and easily picks it up, bringing it to his desk and laying it down so it's at a very specific angle before popping open a compartment on the suit Gordon didn't even know was there and pulling out... a silly straw?

And he just starts chugging... Gordon is actually impressed! He downs the entire barrel in less then a few minutes. Gordon didn't even know his body could drink that much that quickly... and as soon as he finishes Gordon is back in his body... just in time for the pain...

Gordon was getting tired of random swaps with people, so he starts experimenting. With dr. Coomer's help he has figured out that a swap is initially when he feels helpless, exhausted and/or extremely afraid. He wonders if there's a way to weaponize this? He doesn't have long to wonder though when they run into a particularly irritating soldier once again, this time he's holding a fucking dog hostage and the second Gordon sees that it happens. He looks at himself and at Coomer, who immediately understands what happened and tackles his body to the ground. Gordon grins and gets off the elevator, bringing the remote for the turrets to Tommy.

"For once that had excellent timing."

"Huh?"

Benrey is suddenly there and very confused?

"... forzen... bro... why are you here? Aren't you still pissed about that irate gamer thing?"

Forzen starts ranting from beneath Coomer and benrey pouts a bit before seeming to realize what's happening, before pretending he didn't realize and going up to Gordon and kissing him straight on the lips.

"Sorry, we aren't working out." And he walks away, leaving everyone stunned.

"I dumped you ass yesterday you angry video game nerd fanboy freak!"

Everyone is immediately looking at forzen again, giving benrey the opportunity to sneak away and melt a bit as he internally squeals in delight. He kissed feetman! And feetman doesn't know he knew! He got to kiss his crush before they have to... end his game... he's not letting that spoil his mood. He revels.

Gordon returns to his body a few moments later and forzen bolts.

Gordon was fucking tired as they approached the scientists, exhausted when they told him what he had to do, and done when the mystery briefcase man showed up again... and that's when it happened. Everything made sense, he felt powerful, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted!!!

And then he was back to normal. He looks at the man, who he now knew went by G-man Coolatta... Tommy's dad is creepy and all powerful... Gordon was just going to do what the guy wanted. He did as he was told.

Gordon was exhausted, afraid and helpless. He was honestly Surprised the swap only just happened. It felt... strange. His size felt too small, his shape felt wrong and it felt like he was wearing a full body suit... what is benrey? He stared down at his own body as the other's panicked and benrey just stared back.

"... hug?"

At first he wanted to say fuck no but... that was his pleading face... benrey genuinely just wanted a hug and became he was in Gordon's body he could read him like a book... he gently picked benrey up.

"... what do you really want?"

"... you shouldn't be here bro."

He looked scared. He looked hurt. He looked... lonely... Gordon gently placed benrey against his chest. He can't really hug benrey when he was this big, but benrey could hug him... and he did... and it was really nice... Gordon wishes he knew how to take them all back. He wishes he could soothe benrey's fears and loneliness...

He gently picks up the other members of the science team, looking for there they needed to go. He set them all down once he found it, and looked for a way to follow them, Surprised he hadn't swapped back yet.

"How do I make myself small again?"

"Huh? Just... just want it..."

He didn't know what that meant... after a moment of trying he seemed to do it, becoming roughly benrey's current size. They all move forward, together.

They don't swap back until the boss fight... it hurts when it happens. It feels like he's being ripped out of benrey's body and forced back into his own. Gordon feels sick when he realizes why... they had to kill benrey. If they didn't they would never get out...

"What happens if we don't fight? Do we really have to?"

"Yeah bro... gotta... gotta be the bad guy. Gotta be mean..."

"I don't want to do this."

"Doesn't... doesn't matter bro... I'm sorry..."

He doesn't hold back...

~~~~epilogue~~~~~

I'm gonna do the epilogue now.

It had been about a week since the party when Gordon's head started pounding.

"Uh, hey bro... been a while hasn't it..."

And Gordon doesn't even question it. He's too relieved. To happy in that moment. They didn't kill benrey! Or... they did... but he was still around!

"Yeah feetman! Hitched a ride when my body kinda fizzled. Think I could... maybe stick around? Keep you from having anymore... dick slips and shit..."

Gordon just laughs and nods to himself. He can't wait to tell the others. Benrey can't either a little bit of sweet voice flows out of Gordon's mouth, shocking him a bit.

"Oh cool! I can still do that!"

And Gordon just rolls with it. Why the fuck not you know? Makes as much sense as anything else he's been through. He opens his mouth and just lets it flow! His room quickly fills up with it.

[otonymous]

How To Get Your Groove Back

Dearest Nonny,

I just wanted to start off by saying that I’m very sorry you’re in this difficult situation.  I wouldn’t call what I’m about to discuss “advice” per se, because everyone’s personal experiences are different and what worked for me may not work for another.  That being said, please take what I say with a grain of salt — deconstruct it, take and use the things that vibe with you and toss the ones that don’t.

(Posting the rest of this under a cut.  For those who aren’t in the mood for IRL musings, please feel free to skip this 🤣):

I feel you, dear Nonny, I really do.  I also went through a similar experience and it took a lot of honest introspection on my part to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t at a place where I wanted to be.  

I think a lot of times, people in general struggle with expectations.  You mentioned that you majored in something you didn’t enjoy.  Have you stopped to ask why that was the case?  I know it’s not uncommon for people to enter a field of study they have no interest in just because it was expected of them (either explicitly or perceived) — whether it’s by family members or other authority figures, or maybe even friends and society at large.  Oftentimes, their intentions are good: certain fields are perceived as being more financially secure than others.  Maybe they thought it was a good fit for someone like you.

“You may not love your job, but hey, who does?  The most important thing is that it’s stable and pays the bills.”

Don’t get me wrong, financial stability is definitely important.  As per Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the study of psychology, you cannot talk about self-actualization if your basic needs aren’t met.  You’ve got to make sure you have a safe home and food in the fridge before you can even think about painting that masterpiece, writing that novel or running that marathon.

(Maslow’s hierarchy of needs - accessed from Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs.  Please note that while this theory has its critics, the basic idea applies in this case)

That being said, imagine you land a job related to your field of study.  Really try to picture yourself working there for a number of years.  If you didn’t enjoy it in school, do you foresee that you’ll enjoy working in this environment, day in and day out for x years of your life?

I am of the belief that one cannot stay for long in a place (literally and figuratively) where they are unhappy without losing a part of themselves.  It makes for a soul-crushing experience, and life is too short to spend it being miserable.  You owe it to yourself to seek your own happiness.  And while others can aid us in this journey, it is ultimately yours to make.

On a related note, I also feel that the concept of job security as earlier generations may have understood it no longer exists.  One rarely talks about loyalty between employers and employees these days, and occupations that were once considered sure bets in terms finding employment are no longer panning out.  Keep in mind that when I talk about employment, I mean jobs that actually offer fair and liveable wages.  So while this may not apply to you at the moment, dear Nonny, keep this in mind when you eventually land a job.  Not to be a downer or anything, but nothing is for certain except for the fact that YOU’VE got your own back, so look to your own two hands to make that magic happen.

Because happiness is a type of magic in and of itself, isn’t it?  And if you already know what brings you joy, half the battle is already won!  If you don’t, that’s cool too.  Just think about the hobbies you have now, or look to the things you enjoyed doing as a kid.  Which topics could you literally spend hours upon hours reading or talking about?  Do a deep dive and really brainstorm these things.  As per Marie Kondo, what really sparks joy in your life, and can you find a way to make a career out of it?

Now I’ll tell you something about myself as an example, dear Nonny.  I love to write.  I always have, for as long as I can remember.  The moment I could properly wield that pencil, I was making up stories to accompany messy Crayola drawings.  

Writing also opened doors for me.  Teachers took notice; I was placed in specialized programs and had my work published.  I took a single English course as a student in university as a breadth requirement and was awarded a scholarship from the department.  The last comment I received from my TA was an expression of his hope that I would consider pursuing a career in literature.

In spite of all this, I chose to pursue a career in something entirely unrelated because of the reasons listed above, opting to go for something safe in terms of job security rather than something I was passionate about.  And then the writing stopped.  Because it is incredibly difficult to find the time and energy to devote to the things you love when you are emotionally drained by your work.

I firmly believe that life is a journey and not a destination.  It adds unnecessary stress to think that one only gets one shot at a career when in reality, many people make several career changes throughout their lives.  Where you are now doesn’t have to be the end.  And while the profession I chose (and spent a long time working towards) didn’t turn out to be a good fit for me, it wasn’t a complete loss as it taught me about what I did and did not enjoy.

And dear Nonny, you’ll just have to take my word for it when I tell you that when you are focused on doing something you love, you will never, ever, feel like an imposter.

So to recap:

Secure your finances first and foremost.  Make sure you’ve got the funds to keep yourself (and any dependents, if applicable) afloat and comfortable when you decide to make the jump for your dream career.  This might mean that you’ll have to stick with a job that is less than ideal for a while to secure your nest egg, so to speak, or you might have to spend your downtime developing your second (desired) career until it’s stable enough for you to make the transition completely

If you’ve got the choice, my dear, please ensure that the management you’ll be working under is taking the proper steps to secure the safety of their employees during this pandemic

If you can’t readily point to the things/pastimes you enjoy, make the effort to rediscover yourself.  Once you find what sparks joy, HUSTLE and make it work for you.  You’d be surprised by the way people can monetize their hobbies these days 😉

Above all else, dear Nonny, please know that you deserve to be happy, and that you have the power and capability to make it happen.  So go forth and live the life you want to live.

Wishing you the best of luck! - XOXO, Otonymous 💖💖

[curious-minx]

October 2010s Music Deep Dive!

A mock up poster for the only possible music festival line-up I would be willing to risk my life attending. Tony Allen’s passing has caused the entire Octoberfest to be cancelled indefinitely, but all proceeds from ticks will be given back to the community. 

Hope all of you special nobodies and overblown somebodies reading this right now are having a smashing start your first o November. All last month I had taken it upon myself to listen to as many albums and fragments of albums released sometime during the month of October spanning the entire 10’s decade, 2010 through 2019. This is all probably a result of drinking too much dead water, Quarantine brain, undiagnosed Autism, magical thinking and the death of boredom. I have created a Spotify playlist sporting 25 hours and 4 minutes worth of music with an arbitrary amount of albums getting multiple songs, but largely one song/album. This project did create a sense of madness because of the volume of music that gets cranked out. How can we expect anyone to properly criticize music when it is nearly impossible to keep up with it all? I largely culled these albums from Allmusic’s Editorial Choice section, but I did have to use Rateyourmusic to fill out the hip-hop and R&B gaps. In gathering up all of this music I am attempting to see if spooky music was relegated to the October season and any other possible trends. Even though October has been laid to rest her swelling calendar breast still contains a treasure trove of music worth discussing. Grab your broom, sharpen your heels and get the cobwebs out of your ears because we’re going on a Deep Dive! 

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The 2010s Old Souls and Musical Auteurs 

I consider any musician or band that endures more than a decade worthy of this veteran label. Music biz lifers seem found solace in the October release schedule. A trend that has carried onto the new decade with October 2020 offering revitalized releases by Elvis Costello and Bruce Springsteen reunited with the E Street Band. All three main members of Sonic Youth, Moore, Gordon and Renaldo are still harnessing that spooky Bad Moon Rising energy and carrying it over into their solo releases. 

KIM GORDON’s NO RECORD HOME

The first truly proper solo album by Kim Gordon following up her pretty good noise rock releases under the Body/Head moniker with Bill Nace. No Record Home towers over Thurston Moore and Lee Renaldo’s mostly okay solo releases because of how truly experimental and refreshingly modern sounding No Record Home is. This album sounds like it could easily have come out from a young Pacific Northwest Trip-Angle (RIP) label upstart. Instead, Gordon is defiantly aging gracefully and remains an all around important feminist voice in experimental rock music. No Record Home did not pop up on a lot of “Best of the Year” lists in 2019, nor did Gordon embark on any kind of touring for the release. I am hoping that more people will eventually discover this great album and realize that Gordon was truly the best, most truly experimental aspect of Sonic Youth. Her vocals on this album are the best she’s ever sounded because she built these songs and sounds with the intergral collaborator, producer Justin Raisen. A glimpse at Raisen’s Wikipedia page is a who’s who of great artists of the past decade: Yves Tumor, Charli XCX, and Sky Ferreira. The collaboration occurred at an AirBnB shared between Gordon and Raisen and birthed the first single of the project “Air BnB.” A song that completely sets the tone of the album and features one of those amazing music videos in the same line us Young Thug’s “Wyclef Jean. “

Björk - Biophilia

Can you name the last album the rolled out with its own app? Nine years have come and gone and I certainly can’t think of another album with such wholesome ambitions. Björk was getting passionate about ecological concerns in her native Icelandic home with Sigur Ros and using her sphere of influence to try to good. 2014 the app has found a permanent home in the MOMA, but outside of this curio status the album itself is still a worthwhile addition to the Björk canon. Biophilia finds Björk in musical scientist mode using sounds captured from a Tesla coil and making a whole musical universe onto herself. The rest of the 2010s found Björk going for bigger and more ambitious projects that continue to frustrate those who wish she would go back to her poppier roots. She remains one of those most consistent solo artists around and someone no one will be able to predict what she does next. The only thing is certain is that it will be visionary and will probably include a wildly ambitious rollout and a new piece of physical art like Biophilia’s $800 tuning forks.

NENEH CHERRY - BROKEN POLITICS

Featuring production duties for the second time from Four Tet (who also pops up in the October playlist with his 2013 album Beautiful Rewind). Broken Politics in Cherry’s words, “is about feeling broken, disappointed, and sad, but having perseverance. It’s a fight against the extinction of free thought and spirit.” The music video for single “Natural Skin Deep” was filmed in Beirut, a backdrop made even more painful given 2020’s Explosion. Cherry is an artist with deep spiritual and blood connections with artists central to jazz’s history. Broken Politics also features songs built around Ornette Coleman samples. This is all to say that Neneh Cherry is always going to be someone tapping into a creative cosmic vein that spans generations, and with that comes a hard wisdom. Two years later we’re still dealing with the same god damn guts and guns of history. 

OTHER NOTABLES:

(Cat Power - The Wanderer; John Cale - Shifty Adventures in Nookie Wood; Tony Allen - Film of Life ; Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Psychedelic Pill ;Bryan Ferry - Olympia; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Ghosteen ;Yoko Ono - Warzone; Vashti Bunyan - Heartleap; Elvis Costello & The Imposters - Look Now; The Chills - Silver Bullets; Weezer - Everything Will Be Alright In The End;Laurie Anderson - Heart of A Dog;Janet Jackson - Unbrekable;The Mercury Rev - Light In You;  Rocketship - Thanks To You; Van Dyke Parks & Gaby Moreno - Spangled; Donald Fagen - Sunken Condos; Prefab Sprout - Crimson Red; Pere Ubu - 20 Years in a Montana Missile Silo; Negativland - True False )

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TRILOGY OF BLACKSTARS

Three last albums released by three titans of 20th century songwriting. Two of them follow the trajectory of an older artist getting rejuvenated by a younger backing band. Lulu is beyond a meme at this point and is considered one of the most confounding flops since Metallic Music. Like Metallic Music, Lulu will get a reappraisal and find its audience. Mr. Blackstar himself Bowie considered  Lulu one of his favorite releases. “Junior Dad” alone makes this album a worthy addition in Lou Reed’s discography. Scott Walker invited some similarly hairy and intense younger rock studs into his private castle and pulls off a far more natural combination. Soused fits like a velvet glove on a elegant corpse hand swirling thick slabs of guitar and demonic percussion. Scott Walker effortlessly orchestrates between elegance and moribundity whereas Lulu wallows and thrashes against  the ugly riffage. 

No riffs or oozing wall of sound are  anywhere to be found on the sparse and pointedly elegiac You Want it Darker. Leonard Cohen never went full on sleazy I’m Your Man ever again but he didn’t become adult contemporary either. You Want It Darker finds Leonard and his son Adam Cohen. When Leonard passed away he was the only one to get a full David Bowie like museum tribute, Lou Reed only got a corner of a library. Cohen is far and away the most accessible mystical Jewish Buddhist monk with a penchant for fedoras and having a masked man with a leather belt beat him in the recording booth [citation needed]. You Want It Darker is the only one of these mortality laden kiss offs to win a Grammy. I do wonder if Cohen would have ever allowed a more adventurous production to touch his staid and timeless old fashioned sound. Tom Scharpling divides Leonard Cohen into his Pre-Fedora and Post-Fedora days. If you are being literal about that demarcation that still gives you a pretty vast body of music I just want sad bloated blurry black and white Leonard Cohen with a banana or the smiling cad on Songs of Love and Hate. Even the floppy fedora era has worthwhile albums and he sounds like if Serge Gainsbourgh was a muppet Gargoyle, he’s reliable. I will always beat myself for not buying that official Leonard Cohen raincoat at the Jewish Museum Leonard Cohen exhibit, but I hope someone has and they are finding comfort with Cohen’s music. A lot of his latter day period is comforting in a sardonic sexy mind bending nursing home sort of way. 

I am glad that these men were ultimately spared from having to deal with Covid times and even someone as tasteless as Brian Wilson’s Ghost can acknowledge that it’s more important than ever to keep your elderly loved ones locked away in a well ventilated pod. 

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(INSERT ARTIST HERE) SEASON

For a few sticky sweet select few artists the month of October proved to be a suitable release launch pad for more than one album. The Mountain Goats and clipping. have just joined the October two-timer club this year. The reigning queen of October releases is Taylor Swift and Adrianne Lenker. In chronological order swift released Speak Now, Red and 1989 probably Swift’s biggest run in terms of critical and commercial success. None of these albums have a particularly big place in my heart, in fact speaking on behalf of Brian Wilson’s Ghost Ltd. I’m not the biggest fan of America’s Sweetheart, Sweet Tea Poet Laureate.  All three of these albums all came out in the latter part of October and based on the Target brand synergy roll-out felt as inevitable as pumpkin spice. Haunted. Sad Beautiful Tragic. Out of the Woods. These are either song titles taken from these three albums are the names of the under utilized Romantic Halloween Horror Comedy genre. Lady Gaga might have been spooking it up on American Horror Story, but Swift gives a far more chilling performance in Tom Hooper’s midnight madness of Cats and I could envision Swift excelling really well as a horror film actor. Especially in a role like Scarlett Johansson’s Under the Skin. 

You cannot get more polar opposite from Swift than Adrianne Lenker. Who released her first solo album abysskiss   and the second Big Thief album of 2019 Two Hands. Lenker will have also gone on to make her third October release this year with her second solo album songs & instrumentals. Striking that such a ghostly autumnal band would have only released one album in October, but autumnal feeling albums are not beholden to release calendars. The song “Not” from the Big Thief album Two Hands is a watershed breakthrough moment for the band and put Lenker and her band on the map. In 2019 Big Thief became a band that could get booked onto a Goodmorning American performance slot and more or less made Big Thief one of the rare 2010s indie bands to become more or less a household name. 

Other notable artists to have released more than one album on October 2010s:

Less notable artists to have multiple October releases: James Blunt Korn

Calvin Harris 

Kings of Leon

Pentatonix 

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FORMER HARBINGERS OF HYPE

These are October releases from artists that once felt like whenever they put out an album a wider array of outlets and publications seemed to care more and would spill more digital ink over them. The big three artists that had the biggest drop off in attention and acclaim that stick out to me the most are Titus Andronicus,  Justice and Why? All three artists debuted with strong starts back in the aughts, but according to critical reception more or less crashed and burned. Titus Andronicus’ Local Business was one of the last times Titus Andronicus would get positive marks from Pitchfork. Local Business a fun and shaggy follow-up to one of the most self-serious concept albums of the 2010s. 

Justice’s Audio, Video, Disco similarly is a follow up to a highly acclaimed album that set the bar high enough to doom Justice into never living up to the hype. Justice’s 2007 s/t heralded them as the next Daft Punk, but unlike those soulful and thoughtful robots Justice mainly wanted to make big ridiculous unfashionable synth prog rock. Audio, Video, Disco is simply cheesy fun and even though we live in a world better off without parties and gatherings this album helps you feel like you are in high-def IMAX monster mash on the moon. 

The leaves us with Why?’s Mump’s Etc. an album that already had the job of following up an already divisive follow up record Eskimo Snow. Why’s Alopecia is a really important 2008 indie blog rap album that helped thrust the online indie blogs into the hip-hop genre hybrid experimentalism. Why? would never make another universally beloved album again and with Mump’s Etc. ended up permanently in Pitchfork’s hate pit. In the original release review the Pitchfork writer essentially deems this album an act of “career suicide.” The whole review is essentially an assignation of Why?’s figurehead Yoni Wolf and taking him to task for all of his awkward lyrical blunders and the fact he is narcissistic enough to be a musician writing about his career in a meta fashion. Yet when I listen to Mump’s Etc. I am more or less enjoying Yoni Wolf’s personality and find the whole thing to be pretty charming. A perfectly serviceable 3.5/5 release that a media outlet like Pitchfork turns into a flexing opportunity to show how that they have the power to make or break a career. 

A.C. Newman, an artist who appears on this playlist with his terrific 2012 Shut Down The Streets took to Twitter to scoff at the idea that a good Pitchfork review has done anything for his career. Shut Down The Streets currently remains the last solo album Newman has released under his name choosing to focus on his main gig with the New Pornographers. The Internet based hype machine is even more ADHD addled and twitchier by the day. The joy of doing this deep dive allowed me to revisit a lot of these artists and acts that I had fallen out of touch with. I had completely forgotten about King of Convenience’s Erlend Øye who released the album Legao in 2014. I rediscovered a good deal of bands like the Editors, The Dodos, Kisses, Black Milk, Crocodiles, Empire of the Sun, Juana Molina, Jagwar Ma, Here We Go Magic, Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., YACHT, Peaking Lights, The Twilight Sad, Elf Power, Swet Shop Boys, Radio Dept, Allo’ Darlin, Foxes In Fiction, and HOMESHAKE are all bands not trying to change the world or challenge listeners with avant garde experimentation. Instead I feel like I maintaining relationships with old friends on the edge of obscurity. 

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A HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER 

A tradition stretching back as far as 2014 not October’s Idina Menzel’s Holiday Wishes, but Seth McFarland’s Holiday For Swing sweatily released on CD, digital, and vinyl on September 30, 2014.  2015 then brings us a Chris Tomlin and Ru Paul Christmas albums because every force of Neo-liberal good must be balanced with evangelical contemporary Christian music *shutters.* 2016 finds the Christmas in October era reaching a complete and utter nadir with R. Kelly’s final official LP 12 Nights of Christmas and A Pentatonix Christmas, but also buffered by Kacey Musgrave’s Christmas. 2017 only had time for Gwen Stefani’s You Make It Feel Like Christmas and no one else could evoke this feeling in October. On 2018, Michelle and Barack Obama’s combined one and only Christmas wish comes true, no not cancelling those drone strikes, but getting John Legend to join the October release jamboree; Eric Clapton claps open his guitar’s butt cheeks and hatefully squats out a half assed Xmas album defiantly opening the album with “White Christmas” [eyeroll emoji]; and finally 2018 found the Pentatonix announcing in October that Christmas Is Here. I apologize for all of that crude butt talk about the hateful racist Eric Clapton, but(t) I have festive gluteus Maximus on the mind, because in 2019 Norah Jones got her alternative country gal trio back together to remind us to shake our Christmas butts. Eat shit commercial shit, today’s Santa’s birthday! That’s the magic of the October release schedule! 

The hallowed Christmas in October tradition continues on in 2020 with Dolly I-Beg-Thee-Pardon  releasing A Holly Dolly Christmas right on time on October 2, 2020 (Carrie Underwood missed the memo and unwraps her unwanted My Gift in September 2020). Meghan Trainor, Goo Goo Dolls, and Tori Kelly released Christmas albums. Can you believe Seth MacFarlane comes up twice in this article, because his sleazy J. Michigan Frog croon is processed and grated like Parmesan cheese snow flakes all over a rendition of White Christmas.  What a time to be alive! 

////

WHERE DID THEY GO?

A Brief Case For Class Actress’s Rapproacher

Among my October music travels I encountered one artist that really impressed me with her proper LP debut Rapprocher. The trio fronted by Elizabeth Vanessa Harper is essentially peddling the kind of competent moody 80’s inspired synth pop that belongs on a lost Donnie Darko sequel. Harper’s vocals are striking and expressive and they are melded with constantly propulsive bed of shiny synths and glossy barely-there gated percussion. Outside of an 2015  EP called Movies featuring exciting production contributions from Italo-disco icon Giorgio Moroder there has been nothing else from Class Actress. Highly recommend you check them out especially if you want to find the sweet spot between Chromatics and Kylie Minogue. 

/////

THE OCTOBER 2010s MASTERPIECES 

(Robyn - Honey, Big K.R.I.T. - 4eva is a Mighty Long Time  ,Miguel -  Kaleidoscope Dream, Crying - Beyond The Fleeting Gale , M83 Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming ,SRSQ - Unreality, Sufjan Stevens - age of adz, Joanna Newsom - divers, VV Brown Samson and Delilah, Kelela - tear me apart , Neon Indian - VEGA Intl., Fever Ray - Plunge , Antony and The Johnsons - Swanlights (goodbye album) , Caroline Polachek - Pang , Sky Ferreira - Night Time, My Time . Bat For Lashes  Haunted Man, James Ferraro - Far Side Virtual , Grouper -  Ruins , Kero Kero Bonito -Bonito Generation , DJ Rashad - Double Cup)

Maybe if I surround this VV Brown album with more well known artists she’ll finally get some more clicks? I should also mention that Joanna Newsom’s Divers is nowhere on my Spotify October Music playlist because Joanna Newsom thinks Spotify is bananas, and she hates bananas. I know I should also mention Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, m.A.A.d city and Tame Impala’s Lonerism. That’s the maddening thing about October music that just when you think you covered all your ground you find another hidden hump underneath the carpet.  I feel remiss without mentioning striking debut and instant hidden gem Tinashe’s Aquarius, which did you know has a new album art on Spotify. Death Grip’s No Love Deep Web. T_T I didn’t even get around to making a big verbal mosaic to Thom Yorke’s witchy Suspiria soundtrack.Corpus Christi! I forgot to highlight The Orb album in the collage with my other veteran artists!  As you can see this project nearly ruined me. I did not necessarily listen to all of these albums from front to back, but I did listen all of the songs on the playlist and chose them from the immense collection of October releases. I am pretty sure this is the kind of content for no one in particular but I really needed to get it out of my system. Let’s meet back up October 2030!!!!!

(Thank you to my beloved partner, best friend and Spotify provider Maddie Johnson XD)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7sdLaNNaqWpKEKXRZ3jNqY?si=SLZxUwLMQYOQ5wA1xuZc7w

[charlies-crashcourses]

Charlie’s College Crash Course #1: How to write a 10-page paper in 1 day

Background info first: I’m in the last year of my English undergrad degree and I’ve had to write at least 3 dozen 10+ page papers in that time. That being said, I’ve never once started writing a paper more than a few days in advance, and 9 times out of 10 I go for one day only. Honestly, this should be considered my trademark at this point because after all my high school AP courses and my English degree, it’s been going on 7 years of 1 day papers.

and so, dear friends, I would like to pass on this skill to you all. I should mention, none of this will work if you’re not already pretty solid on paper writing, i.e. if you only ever get C’s on your papers now this isn’t magically going to get you up to an A with one day. This is just to streamline the process, allowing for more time for other things or, more commonly, allowing you to not freak the fuck out when you realize the deadline is tonight at midnight and you’ve procrastinated all month on the final paper for your class.

(I should also mention that I’m currently procrastinating a 2.5k word paper due tomorrow night that I’ve only read one of two books for, so. There’s that.)

Anyway, without further ado, here we fucking go:

Step 1: Prep for the Day

this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you prep the day accordingly. Ideally, you’d wake up before noon, make sure there’s nothing else planned for the day, and tell your roommates/parents to leave you alone until you officially reemerge at midnight (or, if you’re in college and have a 24 hr library, try going there. Mine has closed off study rooms that I can chill in, but if you’rs doesn’t just find a relatively comfy quiet spot). If you’re at home, pick one spot, clear it off super quick, grab some snacks and energy drinks, make sure you have everything charged and ready to go. I don’t recommend cafes or the like simply because there’s lots of distractions and also those places close before midnight, so you can’t stay there the entire time and therefor waste time moving halfway through.

Also, I would recommend taking a break between all the steps after this one. Don’t let the break take too long, but just long enough to walk the block, or grab another snack, or do some stretches, or watch a ten minute video, something like that. I personally never break at a natural stopping point, because then I’ll never get back to it, but how you break is up to you.

Step 2: Preliminary Research

now normally I do some preliminary research beforehand. Basically looking into the topic, figuring out generally what resources would be best, etc. That can usually be done in five to ten minute bursts throughout the week or so before the due date, whenever the topic comes to mind.

But then again, I’ve also procrastinated that until the very end as well, so. Usually all that takes if you go for the day of is some quick google scholar searches, or if you have access to the MLA database that works as well. Or, if you’re more like me, you could just deep dive on wikipedia and check out what relevant facts pertain to what numbers in the bibliography, then go ahead and cite those wherever possible.

Basically, get a good base knowledge of the big facts. This step should be quick and dirty. For instance, for my paper my sophomore year on Robespierre (14 pages written in a record 6 hours) I combed through his wiki, some websites on the French Revolution, and watched the Crash Course youtbue video on the subject. The rest of the research was done after I did my first outline. 

Step 3: Outline #1

This is just a basic “What the fuck am I talking about” outline. It can be bullet points, numbers, stream of consciousness, i don’t care as long as it works for you. 

For the Robespierre paper, my first outline was something to the effect of: -born poor -school -elected to govt -took over govt -killed people -got killed

and that was it. It’s like, before you build a house you have to clear off the right amount of land, make sure there’s nothing in your way, and give yourself a vague area in which to build. Super simple stuff.

I did get some advice, from somewhere I can’t remember, that a paragraph is basically equal to half a page, and so (excluding one page length for your intro + conclusion) you should have around two paragraphs or ideas per page. So my outline above would need some more points, there, to keep me on track for my page count. I eventually added a whole paragraph about how he was chosen to read for a visiting King Louis at his school and was then ignored which made him hate the monarchy, and another about what happened after he died what with the government in shambles, etc etc. So two bullet points per page should do it.

Step 4: More Research

This is where you get a little more in depth. Look at your bullet points and learn everything you need to about them. 

For my first bullet, I found stuff like: “Robespierre was born in France in 1758 as Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre (the third of this name), to a lawyer and the daughter of a brewer, he had two siblings, and he could read by age eight. he also loved pigeons and started a lifelong feud with his sister over one that he gave her that she let die."

and then I would move on to the next bullet point, and so on and so forth, filling in the gaps. Make sure to keep track of where your info comes from, as well. It doesn’t have to be a full citation, but just the hyperlink after the fact is going to save you so much time, i promise

Pro Tip: don’t throw out anything as irrelevant just yet. Just gather all the facts, no judging. Trust me on this.

Step 5: Better Outline

this is where you start to have fun with it. I would like to remind you that no one, unless you have some crazy micromanaging professor, sees your outlines. This is for you and you only, so write it in whatever way makes sense to you. It can be colorful and fun and whatever you need it to be.

 I actually took screenshots of my outline for that robespierre paper (hence why i chose that one as an example) so here’s a look at what I do:

so, really, honestly, as shitty as you need this to be, or as many jokes, or whatever works for you my dude. Explain it like you would if it were a story you were telling, not a biographical/argumentative paper. Get informal with it.

Step 6: Write the Damn Thing

Okay to now that you did the research and wrote your fun outlines and all that, all you have to do now is write it! I tend to do this in the same doc as I do my outline, but starting again from the top so I can see what I need to add next right under where I’m typing, then delete it once I’ve covered the material. 

If you did your outline well, this is really just cleaning that up so it’s “school appropriate” and “not an affront to people’s eyes and sensibilities” or whatever. At this point, it should go super quick, maybe 2 hours max to finish up writing what you need to write, here.

Pro Tip: do your citations as you go. Better yet, make your bibliography first so that A its already done and B you know what your in text cites will be from the start so that you don’t have to add them in later. If you kept your hyperlinks next to your research, just open up citationmachine and get those cites, then replace the links in your outline with the actual citations so it’s easier to line them up with in text cites while you go

Step 7: Fudging

oh, you thought we were done after writing the paper? nah fam. Chances are, you didn’t hit the page count you wanted to, you’re probably around 1 full page short, unless you love long sentences. This is where my pro tip from all the way back on step 4 comes in.

First, before you do anything drastic, make sure your formatting is correct. If your prof wants the big long “name, date, class, assignment, etc” in the top left then that adds a lot of length. Fonts will also change your page length, and so will footnotes and citations.

If you did it right and saved all the less relevant details, congratulations! Just sprinkle a few of those in there and you’re magically at your page count. This is the only reason I included the pigeon story in my paper (and this post), because I was about 3/4 of a page short of passably saying I got to 14.

If you didn’t save those inane details, don’t go looking for them now. Trust me, it’s much more pain than it’s worth. Your best bet, then, would be to either A. Add one more point if you can think one up, B. do some more research for relevant details to add in, or C. expand on the details you already have with more examples or effects or whatever applies.

do not, i repeat do NOT, just try and expand the words you use, like changing “to” into “in order to” or whatever those deflate your phrases charts tell you Not to do. They tell you not to for a reason. 1. it sounds stupid adding them in after the fact, and 2. your professor absolutely 100% will know and will mark you down if you do that in excess. Inflated phrase charts like that are well known by professors, and also adding them in after the fact won’t fit in at all with the voice that the rest of your paper was written in, so it’ll stand out like a sore thumb. just don’t do it unless it’s your last possible “i have ten minutes to turn this in” effort.

Step 8: Celebrate!!

And that’s it! If you did it right, this whole process should have taken you around the equivalent of 1 hour per page you had to write or so, so in a regular twelve hour day you’ve got time to take breaks and eat and all that shit. Go turn it in and celebrate your victory!

[taciturnrebel]

hewwo get thought provokin n dive deep w me here: how does squall react to death. like 7 touches on it as a concept often so how does it make him feel?? people close to him vs. people he didnt know? is he desensitised to it?

@regesc​

his general views on death are varied due to both his upbringing and because of his lifestyle. the latter reason of lifestyle is because he has chosen to put himself in harm's way, working for shinra is dangerous, attempting to bamboozle shinra is even more dangerous, and then playing informant for AVALANCHE puts him in a seriously dangerous position, and not just himself, his mother and sister too. but squall is ready to die if needs be to expose the truth about shinra, then later on, help save the planet and work with the wro. he is a peace with the idea that he might die, that’s not to say he wants to, he would try everything possible not to die because he wants to live a life, he doesn’t want to burden his family with grief. squall does think about his future and the possibilities once meteor is out the way.

BUT...there is another side to this as well. i’ve mentioned before that i personally base wutai beliefs in death and the afterlife on Japanese culture, this makes the most sense to me, and i’ll stick with it. it’s not something explored in the og game itself, but it’s a topic i know a fair bit about having studied Japanese death culture at university. In order to have a ‘good’ death in Wutai culture, a good death meaning you have died peacefully and of natural causes such as old age, or without grudges and regrets in your life, and without having done things considered evil by societal standards. By doing these things, you will earn a godhood in Wutai culture. Everyone who dies in Wutai ascends to their own mini godhood, and this means your spirit is able to watch over your family, protect them from evil spirits etc.

and then, and this is what squall fears a hell of a lot, there is what happens to you if you have not necessarily lived a good life; if you have murdered, raped, been cruel and unkind, etc. if you are let's say murdered yourself and hold on to those feelings of anger at the point of death from having your life taken away, you become a much darker creature, potentially one of many vengeful spirits in wutai culture. these spirits do not act on human consciousness, they act solely on the feelings left with them at death, for example, if you died angrily, the ghost left behind will act angrily towards living people, it will potentially hurt them and even kill them, you get me? here is a list from Wikipedia of the various kinds of ghosts...

Onryō: Vengeful ghosts who come back from purgatory for a wrong done to them during their lifetime.

Ubume: A mother ghost who died in childbirth, or died leaving young children behind. This yūrei returns to care for her children, often bringing them sweets.

Goryō: Vengeful ghosts of the aristocratic class, especially those who were martyred.

Funayūrei: The ghosts of those who died at sea. These ghosts are sometimes depicted as scaly fish-like humanoids and some may even have a form similar to that of a mermaid or merman.

Zashiki-warashi: The ghosts of children; often mischievous rather than dangerous.

Floating spirits (浮遊霊, Fuyūrei): These spirits do not seek to fulfill an exact purpose and wanders around aimlessly. In ancient times, the disease of the Emperor of Japan was thought to arise as a result of these spirits floating in the air.

Earth-bound spirits (Japanese: 地縛霊, Hepburn: Jibakurei): Similar to a fuyūrei and is rare, these spirits do not seek to fulfil an exact purpose and are instead bound to a specific place or situation. Famous examples of this include the famous story of Okiku at the well of Himeji Castle and the hauntings in the film Ju-On: The Grudge.

the easiest way to give these kinds of spirits peace is to help the spirit fulfil its purpose, this usually means the victims remaining family enacting vengeance on whoever wronged the victim in the first place, though there are also many different routes depending on the manner of death, though unfortunately some spirits NEVER find peace, and will continue to haunt for eternity. Squall absolutely fears becoming one of these sorts of spirits because of his lifestyle it is very possible he could die a hateful and violent death, and come back as an onryo. plus, he has murdered people, maybe in cold blood which could also affect what happens to him in the afterlife.

[s4msepiol]

One Shot #1 | Josh x Reader : Side Effect

Title: Side Effect  

Type: Fluff

Prompt: Josh stopped taking his meds, and surprisingly you might have something to do with it…

Pairing: Josh | Reader

Warning: Mental illness, Depression

“… I want your papers on my desk by next week, and please do me a favor by not using Wikipedia ‘cause I will know it… Have a nice day, next week we’ll talk about the NATO and if such an organization remains useful in a post- cold war world. Thank you for your attention.” Your teacher said, putting an end to a class you had barely paid attention to, your attention being fully caught by the empty seat at your left.

Not that Josh was a model student, but if he had gotten sick you would have heard him complain about it for an entire week and if he were to skip classes you would have been the first person to know as he would have spent the entire night trying to convince you to come with him to a Kubrick retrospective at the movie theater or whatever.

You smiled at that thought but a part of you kept telling you that there was something odd with Josh’s absence. Knowing that it would keep you from being fully focused on your other classes of the day you decided to call it a day and to check on Josh on your way home.

As you headed to your locker, you could feel Sam and Jessica’s eyes on you. In other circumstances, they would have been the first people you would have gone to, to have news about Josh, but things being what they were that wasn’t even an option. After what you called the “lodge incident”, few were still bothering with talking to Josh or even sitting next to him during lectures.

In fact, besides Chris and you, Josh had no one, and with Chris who had decided to move out of town only a few weeks after the incident, it was clear that their relationship would never go back to what it was. As to you, people just decided to rank you in the same category as Josh, floating in his orbit being a sufficient reason to be ranked as a notorious psycho. You didn’t care, a few whispers and looks in your direction when you walked in the college hallways seemed to you like a reasonable tribute to pay for Josh not to be alone.

                                   ...

In front of Josh’s house, it took you all your will not to flee. Maybe you were just overreacting, maybe you should let him some space, maybe your little infatuation for Josh was the one guiding you there instead of reason.

But before you could ponder about it further, the door opened leaving you there in front of Mr. Washington.

“Thank god, Y/N you’re here…” Josh’s father sighed at your sight.

“Yeah, I just… wanted to check on Josh as he wasn’t in class this morning”

“And I was about to call you to ask you if you could come over to check up on him, it's a small world, isn’t it?” He said, feinting a smile in a vain attempt to reassure you.

“How is he today?”

“Well… He hasn’t said a word all week-end, he barely eats and doesn’t want to go out of his bedroom… so his mother and I thought that maybe… he would want to talk with you. If you’re okay with it of course, we know we have already asked you a lot concerning Josh lately…” Mr. Washington explained, a concerned look on his face.

“Hey… That’s fine, I’m gonna see what I can do, okay?”

“Thank you Y/N, that’s reassuring to know that he can count on you.”

                                  ...

You took a deep breath before knocking on Josh’s door. You had already seen him in his bad days, many times in fact but a part of you knew that no matter the number of times you would lend yourself to the exercise it would never become easier.

You knocked so softly on the door that for a minute you thought he hadn’t heard you at all and as you pondered the idea of knocking again, he opened the door wide before going back to his spot on his window bench.

You had spent countless nights on that bench talking about everything from his favorite movies to how hard it was for him to cope with his sisters’ absence. How many hours had the two of you spent there on that bench talking, laughing, sometimes crying from the sunset until the sunrise? Sometimes the two of you would end falling asleep right there on that bench only to be woken up by the sun rays penetrating his bedroom at dawn.

“Since when do you need to knock on my door before entering?” His voice stirred you out of your reverie. The only sound of his voice was enough for you to know that he was in a very bad episode. He wasn’t even looking at you, his eyes staring at nothing but the window, probably for you not to see his swollen eyes from crying.

“Since you decided to deprive me from your delightful jokes during international relationships classes.” You answered, sitting next to him and noticing a smile creeping onto his face.

After a few minutes of silence, he looked at you.

“Thank you. For… being here, Y/N.” Josh stated out of the blue before breaking down in tears in your arms.

“Shh… You’re gonna be okay… everything’s gonna be okay, I promise you.” You whispered, hugging him as tight as you could and desperately trying to fight back tears.

                                   ...

“There’s no way in the world Reservoir Dogs is better than Kill Bill.” You retorted, as Josh was giving you one of his usual laiuses about Tarantino’s genius. The two of you were lying on his bed as you talked about this and that.

At your words, he propped up on his elbow to look at you in the eye. His eyes were still a little swollen and red from the crying but you could see deep in the complex green shade of them a gleam of light, the one he had every time he talked about something he was deeply passionate about.

“I’m sorry Y/N but I’m gonna ask you to leave this room, such words won’t be tolerated here.”

“Come on, you know I’m right… Honestly you’re not gonna tell me you prefer a movie with six dudes that spend two hours in a weird warehouse to a bad ass woman slicing with her katana more heads that I can count.”

“That’s up for discussion but…” Josh started, only to be interrupted by his father knocking on the door.

“Hey, I just wanted to check on the two of you…” Josh’s father started before becoming silent at the sight of his son smiling. After a few seconds, he snapped out of his thoughts and smiled at you in a way to say thank you.

“Dad, do you mind if Y/N stays for dinner?” You heard Josh ask, catching you off guard as usual.

“No problem, your mother and I are going to try that new restaurant downtown by the way, you just have to order a pizza or whatever…” Josh’s father answered before heading out of the room.

“Oh and Josh, she’s right. Kill Bill is at all levels a better movie than Reservoir Dogs.” He added before leaving the room.

“Okay, that’s one for you, Y/N.” Josh admitted before crashing back in the bed next to you.

The two of you stayed there, silently, doing nothing but appreciating each other’s presence. The song playing in the background softly filled the silent room as Josh’s breathing was synchronizing with yours. This was all you needed, this was your definition of heaven and suddenly the idea of an afterlife seemed trivial almost boring. Why would you need a Garden of Eden, when everything that contributed to your happiness was down here?

Yet still, your mind kept coming back to something, a detail you had noticed the minute you entered Josh’s room. Confronting Josh about that ‘detail’ would have probably ruined the perfect moment the two of you were sharing but you were his friend, his only friend. You couldn’t act as if you had seen nothing in a selfish attempt to enjoy the moment a little longer.

“Josh…”

“Hmm?” He hummed, turning his head to the side a little to look at you. It took you all your will not to look at his green vibrant eyes, because you knew that the second you would dive into them you would forget until your own name.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” Josh asked you, propping up on his elbow, a concerned look on his face.

“Yeah, it’s just that… I need to ask you something but you have to tell me the truth…”

“Hey Y/N, of course, you’re my best friend I would never lie to you, you know that, don’t you?” Your heart sank at his words, as it did every time he would refer to you as his ‘friend’. Still, you decided to put your bruised ego aside, sat against the bedhead and took a deep breath.

“How long you been off your meds?”

Josh didn’t even try to avoid your gaze. He ran his hand through his hair in anxiety, not wanting to lie to you but not wanting to admit the truth either.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N… it’s just that…” Josh started stuttering not knowing where to start nor where to stop.

“Hey… Josh… I’m not your mother, nor your therapist I’m not gonna be mad at you because of that… I just… I just want to understand and help you, that’s all I ever wanted.”

“How did you notice?” He asked you, hesitantly taking your hand in his as to gauge, in vain, how mad you were at him for doing such a stupid thing.

“You should have asked me to take you to the pharmacy to get a refill a week ago but there’s a full bottle of pills on your bedside table.” You softly explained while squeezing his hand with a reassuring smile.

“Thank you, Y/N… For… paying attention.” You heard him say as you got up to get him a glass of water.

You handed him the glass and a pill, before sitting back next to him.

“Josh, I’m not gonna force you to take it, you’re the only one deciding here, okay?” He nodded flipping nervously the pill in between his fingers.

“Good. Now I’m gonna need you to tell me why you decided not to take them anymore because… there’s no way I’m gonna be able to help you if you keep shutting me out.”

Josh took a deep breath, his eyes lingering on the wall for a minute as he pondered the pros and cons of being honest with you.

“Okay… Hum… You remember when you picked me up after my session with Dr. Hill two weeks ago?”

You nodded with a soft smile, inviting him to continue.

“… well, hum… He changed one of my meds and replaced it by another one…”

“The one that was keeping you from sleeping, isn’t it?” You asked him.

“Yeah, so now I get to sleep like a baby but… this new med has a side effect and… shit... that’s embarrassing…”

“Hey… Josh, it’s me, you can tell me everything remember? Just go ahead.” You encouraged him.

“Okay, well there’s that girl I’m into, like really into, since quite a long time actually and… Fuck, let’s simply say that this med isn’t gonna help me at taking our relationship to… the next level…” Josh hardly explained, every one of his word stabbing you in the heart.

And as you felt like if concrete was drying in your chest, you noticed the gleam of light in his eyes as he talked about her. The one he had when he talked about movies, his sisters or his dreams. You swallowed hard and snapped out of your thoughts at the sight of Josh handing you the pill bottle and waiting for you to take it.

You gave him nothing but a confused look in response not really understanding his point.

“There’s no way in the world I’m saying this out loud, especially in front of you.” He declared, inviting you to read the label on the small orange bottle.

“Fuck, you must find me ridiculous…” Josh sighed, avoiding your gaze.

“Josh, no, of course not. You’re just… so much smarter than that…”

He didn’t seem convinced by your words so you decided to be in turn honest.

“Josh, listen, you’re by far the best person I’ve ever met, you’re the most caring man I know, sometimes so caring that you even forget to take care of yourself, you find the strength to laugh even when life does everything to put you down and that’s just a tiny fraction of what makes you so special… And if that girl isn’t smart enough to see and appreciate that, then she doesn’t even deserve you to consider the idea of taking her to the bone zone.”

The words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them, and despite the silence that followed your confession, you had to admit that it felt good, almost salutary.

Josh, him, stayed there, dead silent, smiling so widely that you couldn’t even remember the last time you had seen him smiling this way. Probably went back to before his sisters’ disappearance.

And in turn, you stayed there, unable to say anything as you watched him take his medicine and drinking his glass of water all at once.

And before you could say anything, he got closer.

“Oh trust me, she deserves it.” He whispered before capturing your lips into a passionate and exquisite kiss.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

2010s Art: Music, Games, and TV

So I love all forms of art. It may not seem like it since I tend to stick mainly to movies, with the odd cartoon or video game thrown in, but that’s really because movies are more my thing due to not being massive time investments. Like, don’t get me wrong, I gamed, I watched TV, I listened to music, but it was a lot more casual than my deep dive into becoming a major cinephile.

With games and TV, it was mostly issues of money and time respectively. I have a few consoles, mostly Nintendo and Sony ones, and my wife helped me experience Xbox games, but I just don’t have the money needed to experience every good game that comes out. With TV, the time investment is the biggest roadblock, especially when all the best shows have hour-long episodes these days. With movies, I just have to spend 90 minutes to two hours on average; for TV, it’s countless hours I could be watching movies. As for music… well, I listened to a lot, I just don’t feel totally qualified to properly rank and list songs and albums.

So instead of the big decade-spanning list for movies that I’m doing, I’m going to go over some things I enjoyed from the past decade and maybe a few things I didn’t in music, TV, and video games. Here’s a little guide so you know what stuff is something I consider one of my absolute favorites in any given medium - if it’s from this decade, it will be in bold, and if it’s from a previous decade but I experienced it this decade, it will be underlined.

Television

I figured I’d get this out of the way first since it’s the medium I have the least experience with. Let me put it this way: I have seen only one season of Game of Thrones, the first one (and by all accounts I dodged a bullet by dropping that show). I also had the misfortune of jumping in to The Walking Dead right as it was gearing up for its abysmal second season, which turned me off that and led to me only watching an episode here or there. 

I had better luck watching live action shows on streaming. I managed to get through almost all of Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, which was a chore in and of itself; it’s a good show, but boy could it ever get arbitrary and frustrating. Speaking of Netflix, I think it goes without saying that Stranger Things is their best effort; from the likable cast of kids to the awesome soundtrack, even though it never really surpasses season one the show always has something cool going on in one of its plots. My other favorite from Netflix would probably be their take on A Series if Unfortunate Events, which is how you do adaptation expansion right; everything they add feels like it’s in service of fleshing out Lemony Snicket’s dismal world, as well as giving Patrick Warburton an incredible dramatic role as the Lemony narrator himself.

Amazon managed to score two hits in my book. The first is the unbelievably fun and charming Good Omens, a miniseries that somehow got me to love David Tennant and Michael Sheen more than I already did. The second was the gory joyride that is The Boys which while not the smartest or most original superhero satire is definitely the most fun.

While I didn’t watch the whole show and would not consider it one of my favorites, I do want to give props to Hannibal for introducing me to Mads Mikkelsen. As far as I’m concerned, he’s the only person aside from Hopkins worthy of playing everyone’s favorite cannibal. Another show I DO consider a favorite despite slacking on keeping up with it is Ash vs. Evil Dead; I only needed to see a single season of Bruce back with the boomstick to know this show was a masterpiece.

On the animated side I have much more to talk about. Not since the 90s have we been spoiled with so many genuinely great and varied cartoons. We got Adventure Time, Regular Show, Steven Universe… really, Cartoon Network raised the bar this decade and made up for an awful 2000s. They even finally gave Samurai Jack a conclusion, which despite the mixed results, was still a real exciting phenomenon to experience.

Of course, my favorite CN show came from Adult Swim. I am of course referring to Rick & Morty, a fun sci-fi adventure comedy that attracted the most obnoxious fanbase possible in record time. While certainly not a show you need a high IQ to understand and having an atrocious third season, it still manages to be funny and thought provoking in equal amounts. Seriously though. Fuck season 3.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is another great show that I sadly fell off the wagon of around the fifth or sixth season. It never got bad of course but it never really engaged me like the older episodes, though what I’ve heard of the last season makes me wish I’d kept up with it. It was a great show with a lot of heart and character, and I’m not sure we’ll ever see a show like it again.

Netflix did not slack in the animation department; I didn’t catch their most famous show (it’s the one about a certain Horseman) but I did catch their fantastic take on Castlevania, which as a huge fan of the series was a real treat. Where the fuck is Grant though?

My two favorite shows of the decade, however, are what I see as the pinnacle of East and West: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and Gravity Falls. 

JJBA is a series I had vague passing knowledge of, only knowing its existence due to seeing Stone Ocean referenced on the Wikipedia page for air rods when I was younger and, of course, the memes that spawned from Heritage for the Future, which were inescapable back in the day. As soon as I got into the series, it became one of my biggest inspirations, teaching me you can be deep, complex, and filled with great character interactions while also being so batshit insane that every new and absurd power is incredibly easy to buy (looking forward to the rainbows that turn people into snails, animators). They managed to get through the first four parts and start up the fifth over the decade; so far my favorite part is four, mainly due to the magnificent bastard that is Yoshikage Kira (played time perfection by D.C. Douglas) and in spite of serial creep Vic Mangina playing the otherwise lovable asshole Rohan Kishibe.

Gravity Falls on the other hand is just a fun and engaging mystery show that manages to excel at being episodic and story-driven all at once. There’s only one or two “bad” episodes across two seasons, and it lasted just as long as it needed to, wrapping things up with a satisfactory ending that still gave fans a few mysteries to chew on. It also gave us Grunkle Stan, perhaps the greatest character in all of animation, the pinnacle of “jerk with a heart of gold” characters who is hilarious, badass, and complex all at once. This is my favorite western animated show…

...but then the last year of the decade threw a curveball and, if I’m being honest, is on par with Gravity Falls: Green Eggs and Ham. Netflix really wanted us to know 2D animation is back in 2019; between this show and Klaus, the future is looking bright for the medium. It’s a fun, funny roadtrip comedy that knows when to be emotional and when to be funny, and it’s all filtered through the wubbulous world of Dr. Seuss. It’s just a wonderfully delightful show.

And on the subject of JoJo, I had a kind of love-hate relationship with anime this decade. The attitudes of anime fans turned me off from anime for a long while. Sure, I checked out stuff like Attack on Titan and Sword Art Online, but neither series really clicked with me. The main anime I loved this decade were ones that started in the 2000s and ended in the 2010s, like Dragon Ball Z Kai and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I suppose I did enjoy My Hero Academia, which is a really fun show with an awesome and varied cast and great voice acting. Love Froppy, best girl for sure.

One of the most unfortunate things about this decade was how many great shows got screwed over by their networks. Sym-Bionic Titan, Thundercats, and The Legend of Korra were all great shows in their own right but were treated like shit by their respective networks. It really makes me upset that stuff like that not only happened, but continues to happen to this day.

But let’s not end on a bad note; let’s talk about the astounding returns old shows got. Invader Zim got a movie as did Hey Arnold, with the latter in particular finally wrapping up the dangling plot threads, but those are actual TV movies so they don’t really fit here; what DOES fit is Static Cling, the triumphant return of Rocko’s Modern Life. A forty minute special, it follows Rocko and his friends as they navigate the modern age, trying to bring back Rocko’s favorite cartoon. Rachel Bighead’s arc in this in particular is pretty groundbreaking and awesome. 

Also awesome was the first few episodes of Samurai Jack’s return, though it did end up petering out halfway through the season and ended on an anticlimactic note. Still, Tom Kenny’s Scaramouche, the sheer amount of continuity, and the awesome final curbstomp battle against Aku are worth giving this a watch. And if nothing else, stuff like this gives me hope for future revivals. What will we see next? Gargoyles comeback? Batman Beyond continuation? KENNY AND THE CHIMP REVIVAL?! Chimpers rise up!

Music

Much like everyone, I listened to a lot of music this decade. There was a lot of shit, and I definitely used to be one of those “wow no one makes good music anymore” morons, but I grew out of that and learned to look in the right places.

Let’s start with the albums I loved the most. Continuing her meteoric rise from the 2000s, Lady Gaga drooped her magnum opus, Born This Way, an album that successfully showcases her skills as she takes on numerous pop styles. No two songs sound the same, and with a couple of exceptions every song slaps. While we’re on the subject of pop stars, Gaga’s contemporary and lesser Katy Perry managed to hit a home run with the fun bit of pop fluff that was Teenage Dream.

Weird Al was sorely missed for most of the decade, but what albums he did drop featured some of his best work. While Alpocalypse doesn’t hold up quite so well, it’s still solid, but even then it is blown out of the water by Mandatory Fun, an album that just refuses to stop being funny from start to finish. And that’s not the only funny albums this decade; aside from artists I’ll get more into later, George Miller AKA Filthy Frank released Pink Season as one of his last great acts as his character of Pink Guy. The album is as raunchy and filthy as you’d expect. And then for unintentional comedy, Corey Feldman dropped Angelic 2 The Core, an album so musically inept that it ends up becoming endearing; it’s The Room of music.

As I gamed a lot this decade I got to experience a lot of great video game soundtracks, but the two I found to be the absolute best were Undertale and Metal Gear Rising’s. I couldn’t tell you which soundtrack is better, and I’ve actually made a playlist on my iPod containing my favorite tracks from both games. Pokemon had solid soundtracks all decade, but they definitely were better in single tracks such as Ultra Necrozma’s theme from USUM and Zinnia’s theme from ORAS.

And speaking of individual songs, there were a lot I really loved. The disco revival in the easel ide half of the decade lead to gems like “Get Lucky,” “Uptown Funk,” and… uh, “Blurred Lines.” The controversy to that one might be overblown, but it sure isn’t anything I really want to revisit.

Corey Feldman may be the king of unintentional comedy, but this decade was seriously ripe with so bad it’s good music. The crown jewel is without a doubt the giddy, goofy “Friday,” but I think the equally stupid but also endlessly more relatable Ark Music production “Chinese Food” is worth some ironic enjoyment as well. 

Meme songs in general were pretty enjoyable, though it came at a price. Remember when everyone tried to be funny by ripping off “Gangnam Style?” Remember when people took that Ylvis song at face value? Irony and satire were lost on the masses. I think the best mene song of the decade, though, is “Crab Rave,” a bouncy instrumental dance track with a fun music video and an absurd yet hilarious meme tacked to it. And then we have “The Internet is for Music,” a gargantuan 30 minute mashup featuring every YTMND, 4chan, Newgrounds, and YouTube meme you could think of (at the time of its release anyway),

Then we get into artists. Comedy music was great this decade, with Steel Panther and The Lonely Island putting out great work all decade, but by far my favorite funny band is Ninja Sex Party. Dan “Danny Sexbang” Avidan and Brian “Ninja Brian” Wecht are pretty much my favorite entertainers at this point, with them easily being able to go from doing goofy yet epic songs where they fuck or party to doing serious and awesome cover albums where Dan flexes his impressive vocals. A big plus is how all of their albums are easily some of my favorites ever, with not a single bad CD, and that’s not even getting into their side project Starbomb. These guys are a treasure.

Then we have Ghost, a Swedish metal band who play up the Satanic panic for all it’s worth. These guys captured my interest when I heard the beautiful “Cirice” on the radio, and despite that song rocking the fuck out, Imagine my surprise when it ended up being only middle of the road awesome for this band! With killer original songs like “Rats,” “Mary in the Cross,” and “Square Hammer” to a awesome covers like “Missionary Man” and “I’m a Marionette,” it’s almost enough to get a guy to hail Satan. I think they appeal to me mainly because they have a style very in line with the 80s, most evident on tracks like “Rats.” 

While I’d hesitate to call him one of my favorite musicians yet (he is really good so far though), one of my favorite people in entertainment is Lil Nas X. From his short but sweet songs that crush genre boundaries to his hilarious Twitter feed, this guy is going places and I can’t wait to see what those places are.

And finally, the guy I think may be one of the greatest creative geniuses alive and who has nearly singlehandedly shaped Internet culture with everything he does… Neil Cicierega. While it’s not like I only discovered him in the 2010s - the guy has been an omnipresent force in my life since Potter Pupper Pals debuted - he definitely became the guy I would unflinchingly call the greatest artist of our time over that period.   Whether he’s releasing the songs under his own name or as Lemon Demon, you can always be sure that the songs are going to burrow into your brain. His Lemon Demon album Spirit Phone, which features songs about urban legends and the horrors of capitalism, is easily my pick for album of the decade. And then under his own name he released three mashup mixtapes: Mouth Sounds, Mouth Silence, and Mouth Moods. All three are stellar albums, but only Mouth Moods has “Wow Wow,” the bouncing track about homoerotic bee-loving Will Smith and outtakes so good they deserve to be on the next album.

Video Games 

Having a PC this decade was great because it let me experience a lot of games I probably wouldn’t have otherwise, like Half-Life, BioShock, Earthnound, Mother 3, and Final Fantasy VI and VII. All of these and more are among my favorite games of all time now, but we’re here to talk about the stuff from this decade I consider great.

It’s hard to talk about this decade in gaming without mentioning Skyrim. Yes, it has flaws and the main storyline is a bit undercooked, but there’s so much fun to be had dicking about in the wilderness it’s hard to be too mad. And if you have mods, there are endless opportunities to expand the game. The same is true for the other game I have sunk countless hours into, The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth. Not only is there a thriving modding community, but it has been supported and encouraged by the creators and some mods have even made the leap into becoming fully canon! It’s always a blast to revisit and see how far I can break the game with item combos.

Surprisingly, Batman managed to get not one, not two, but THREE awesome licensed games this decade! Arkham Asylum, Arkham City, and the unfairly maligned Arkham Origins all kick as much ass as the Dark Knight himself. The former two reunite Mark Hamill and Kevin McConroy as Joker and Batman while the latter features numerous stellar boss battles. The combat in these games is so graceful and fluid, you WILL feel like Batman at some point, be it after flawlessly clobbering two dozen mooks or silently eliminating a room of thugs before they even realize you’re there.

Pokémon had a bit of a rocky decade; it started out strong with the fifth generation, the best games in the series with a great story, region, and sidequests and then just went downhill from there. Not incredibly so, of course - the games were always fun at least - but gens VI through VIII were not the most graceful steps into 3D. Still, every gen managed to produce some of my all-time favorite Pokémon. Gen V had Volcarona, Chandelure,  and Meloetta; Gen VI gave us Hoopa, Klefki, the Fairy type in general, and a gorgeous mega evolution for my favorite Pokémon, Absol; Gen VII had the Ultra Beasts and Ultra Necrozma, some of the coolest concepts in the series, as well as Pyukumuku; and Gen VIII gave us Cinderace, Dracovish, Dracozolt, Polteageist, Hatterene, Snom, and Zacian. And those are just samplings mind you, these gens are full of hits.

Bringing back old franchises yielded amazing results. Look no further than the triumphant return of Doom in 2016, which had you ripping and tearing through the forces of Hell with guns, chainsaws, and your bear fucking hands. This game is HARDCORE. Less bloody and gory but no less awesome was the return of not just Crash Bandicoot, but Spyro as well in remakes that are easily the definitive ways to experience the games. And don’t even get me started on the remastered DuckTales!

Platinum games did not fuck around this decade, delivering Bayonetta 2 and Metal Gear Rising. The former is a balls-to-the-wall sequel to the amazing original Bayonetta that, while lacking in bosses quite as impressive as the first game’s, is more polished and has a fun story and a better haircut for Bayonetta; the latter is an action game so insane it makes the rest of the Metal Gear franchise look tame in comparison. The latter in particular is in my top ten games ever, with every boss battle feeling epic, all the music kicking ass, and Raiden truly coming into his own as a badass.

Speaking of Metal Gear, the divisive The Phantom Pain easily earns its place here. While much fuss has been made about the game being “unfinished,” it still has a complete and satisfying ending even if it doesn’t totally wrap up the dangling plot threads the young Liquid Snake leaves behind. The overarching themes as well as Venom and his relationship with characters like Kaz, Paz, and ESPECIALLY Quiet make this game, with his and Quiet’s being particularly beautiful and tragic. The Paz quest, Quiet’s exit, and the mission where Snake has to put down his men after they get infested with parasites are all some of the most heartbreaking moments in the franchise. But it’s not all tears; there’s plenty of fun to be had harassing Russians in Afghanistan while blaring 80s synth pop from your Walkman. Oh yeah, and fuck Huey.

The Ace Attorney series also thrived, with both Spirit of Justice and Dual Destinies transitioning the series into 3D a lot more graceful than some other franchises while still maintaining the with and charm the series is known for. And if that wasn’t enough for my point-and-cluck adventure needs, Telltale had me covered with The Wolf Among Us and the first season of The Walking Dead. The stories and characters of those games are so good, it’s enough to make you sad they never got a timely sequel or sequels that weren’t shit respectively.

This decade is when I really got into fighting game, though I’m not particularly good. I supported Skullgirls (and am even in the credits!), and got into Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle (and I also got into its spiritual predecessor, Heritage for the Future). But by and large my favorite fighting game of the decade and the one I’m actually pretty good at is Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, the most ridiculously ambitious crossover in video game history. The fact that the game is STILL getting more characters added is a testament of how insanely great the game is because instead of being mad that there’s so much DLC, people are going rabid waiting for news of more. It’s such an awesome, complete game out the door that the DLC feels earned rather than half a game being held hostage. Other devs, take note!

A lot of franchises put their best foot forward for sequels. God of War III was an awesomely bloody finale to the original journey of Kratos, with more epic bosses than ever; now he’s off fighting Norse gods, and I hear that game is even better! Portal 2 is just an absolute blast, and easily surpasses the first game on the merit of having Cave Johnson alone; the fact we get Wheatley and the malfunctioning personality cores honestly feels like overkill. Then we have BioShock… 2. While it’s certainly not as good as the first game, I think it was a lot of fun, and it got way too much flak.

 I think it definitely aged better than Infinite which, while still a good game in its own right (it’s hard to hate a game with a character as endearing as Elizabeth), definitely was not warranting the levels of acclaim it got with such a muddled narrative. “Overrated” and “overhyped” are not words I keep in my vocabulary and I certainly would not describe Infinite as such, but I do feel like people got swept up in the gorgeous visuals and the story bits and characters that are effective and so weren’t nearly as critical of its flaws. It’s still a good, fun game with an interesting world, but it pales in comparison to the other two BioShocks. I feel like The Last of Us is in a similar boat. That being said, I couldn’t tell you why; it has a great story, good characters, plenty of replayability, and fascinating enemy design. But despite all that, I appreciate this game more than love it. It’s the Citizen Kane of video game sin that regard at least.

I’d be remiss to not mention the big indie successes of the decade. Shovel Knight is easily one is the greatest platform era ever made, taking everything great about the platformers on the NES and SNES, removing the bullshit, and delivering numerous bonus campaigns with unique playstyles. Then there was Abobo’s Big Adventure, a marvelous mashup of all sorts of games starring the beloved Double Dragon mook as he goes on a bloody quest to save his son. It’s a blast and there is tons of variety but some sections are definitely as hair-pullingly difficult as the games that inspired them. And then there is Doki Doki Literature Club, the free visual novel that brutally subverts your expectations. Sadly, I do feel the game loses some impact on subsequent playthroughs, but it’s still a great, effective story that skillfully utilizes meta elements.

Still, the greatest indie success of them all is Toby Fox’s masterpiece, Undertale. Charming, funny, emotional, and populated by a cast of some of the most fun and lovable characters ever conceived, this game was an instant smash and is still talked about to this day. Sure, things like Sans have been memed to death, but it’s hard to not just love and cherish the beautiful world Toby Fox managed to create. This game may not be the greatest game of all time, but for what it is I wouldn’t hesitate to name it the game of the decade.

There was a lot of great art in the 2010s, and while I couldn’t get around to all of it, I’m so happy with what I got to experience. Here’s hoping that the 2020s can be just as amazing!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 33:  ᵇˡᶦᵐᵖ ʙʟɪᴍᴘ  BLIMP ԀꟽI⅂ꓭ

I usually don’t really do these during weekdays but lets just say today was a day where I felt the need for a healthy distraction.

Ah, it is episode 33. There are...so many episodes in a Yugioh season, guys. I was just not aware. But, here we are at episode 33 and we are finally going to start the finals.

For reals this time, no one’s going to get engaged, no one’s going to randomly murder a bunch of people. We are officially starting the finals this episode.

Sort of.

Man, Kaiba and his butterfly-wing shoulderpads. Sometimes it just looks like he’s just going to gently flutter away.

Also in this stadium with Kaiba and Mokuba is Marik and Odion, who is just as confused as to where the hell everyone went and why the hell Mai just flew by being carried off by a ninja in a jet pack. The hours it must have taken to wait for Yugi’s crew to walk 2 single blocks was enough time for Marik to formulate yet another back-up plan. I want to say this is plan #9.

It’s a good thing Pharaoh can’t read anymore, considering that Marik’s just walking around in a crop hoodie with a tattoo that just reads “SEASON 2 SPOILERS, PHARAOH, DO NOT READ” in hieroglyphs.

But if you wait long enough, even Yugi and his friends will accidentally wander the correct direction and actually show up.

(read more under the cut)

Not a joke, this is actually an unfinished public works project, congratulations, Kaiba Corps, there is nothing that Kaiba won’t try and then fail at, at least once.

Anyways, this shady-as-hell unfinished stadium seems kind of like a good place to get murdered and then tossed into a cement slab. Which honestly, would have been a very likely end to this season, considering what we have been through so far.

Marik decides to sneak around the bleachers, probably on all fours so no one would spot him, jump out a window, and then come in through the front door like he’s not been here this entire time. As he did, apparently he made everything very, very windy. In fact, everyone with a millennium item brought with them a spooooooky gust of wind except I think Yugi, who is probably too short to pull that one off.

Yugi did manage to get the vibe of “something bad is coming” before Marik entered the field, but like...there’s so many bad things at this point, Yugi. So many people that could be. It feels like that might be half the cast. You could say that at any given moment in this season and be absolutely right.

So, after possessing Tea for a second, for...some reason? Did she need threatening? Anyway, after doing that, Namu is in with the gang because literally nothing will prevent Yugi from becoming a friend with you, especially if you are trying to hide the fact that you just tried to kill him by drowning him in the ocean.

Funny how instead of them asking how the hell Namu got away from cultists, they have to fixate on the mystery of “is Bakura good at cards!?” because, and I kinda forgot about this, I guess they don’t remember the last time they saw Bakura play. How far up their own ass is Yugi and Joey to assume that just because Bakura doesn’t brag about cards all day, that Bakura hasn’t been equally good at cards? They kind of deserve this.

Yeah and PS Kaiba absolutely did not check the satellite to get the DL on why the hell Bakura got so many cards. Dayjob Saruman I guess went home for the evening so...although that shadow game was definitely being recorded on a computer, we’ll never know what that mess looked like on Kaiba’s end. Like there’s just three duel disks covered in ectoplasm hanging out in the cemetery and no one seems to have noticed?

Like for a competition that was huge about security and tech, they only seemed to watch the God Cards players and then Mokuba randomly monitored Joey Wheeler for some reason. That was it. That was all the people the Kaiba’s cared about.

So although Marik and Odion and Bakura could probably take on everyone right now. Like riiiight now. They decide not to because, well, I nearly forgot about someone that I was really looking forward to seeing again, that’s right, my favorite boy!

AW THERE HE IS!

to quote one of my actual favorite earworms,

Where has this big boy been hiding!? He’s freakin ginormous, but apparently he was just hiding behind a soft cloud or something, in anticipation of this grand reveal in a very sketch unfinished stadium that’s probably being used to bet on bum fights.

Mokuba gets excited for the first time since...I don’t remember if Mokuba’s ever actually been excited before. Like I’m digging through my memories here and no, Mokuba’s been mostly abducted, angry, bored, or scared, this is the first time he’s exuded that pure pre-teen energy.

PS a blimp’s max flying height is 1500 ft, and what surprised me the most about this was realizing that this entire time we’ve been watching this show, we’ve been getting measurements in US metrics. Didn’t realize that before today.

Also, on my wikipedia deep dive into blimps, I found out that like...this is probably not a “blimp,” but actually a semi-rigid airship but...I’m gonna keep calling it a blimp. Don’t @ me, blimp fandom on tumblr.

It’s so good to see more Blimp. Even though...probably the worst place to throw a tourney? Like...how many people are you even gonna fit in there? Like...is this televised? I mean I don’t know how Kaiba’s marketing works for this, honestly, he took over every TV in the city to get people to join this tourney, and now that it’s in full swing no one can watch it?

Whatever, it’s a blimp.

Duke Devlin is still here, despite the fact that I don’t think he’s going to do anything for the rest of this season. I guess they had to promote that gameboy game so his face will just be in the background always although as a dice player he um...he has no purpose here.

In fact it makes no sense, he works with Pegasus who straight up killed Mokuba and Kaiba like a month ago, why are they just letting him on their airship? Whatever.

I dunno, maybe there’s more that Duke will do eventually, but he just seemed like a replacement for Bakura at first--and Bakura’s back now, so why’s he still here?

Ishizu is here, and while every other time we’ve seen Ishizu, she’s been talking our ears off, the one time she should probably say something, she instead decides to lock herself inside her bedroom and avoid everyone.

I guess she was mostly avoiding Marik so they don’t have a sibling laser fight in the hull of a Blimp. That would have made things so awkward for Yugi and Bakura. Especially Yugi, who still doesn’t know that thing around his neck shoots freakin lasers.

Props the background artists who had to draw billions of small little buildings AKA the worst background in the world to draw. I will go through hoops to avoid drawing even a single building, but to have to sit down and paint just a whole page of buildings that someone’s going to smack a foreground on anyway? Mad respect. If you look closely you’ll see that this artist had to use a ruler and perspective and other annoying tools that take up time and energy. Even using editing tools like using blocks of black color to imitate the look of rooftops and crowded structures, it probably took them a few hours to make the background that went in a .2 second scene.

They’ll probably reuse these buildings later, don’t get me wrong, but oi, I feel for them in my carpel tunnel bones.

Seto keeps telling Yugi that they’re rivals but I don’t think anyone on this show other than Joey thinks of Seto as much of a rival at all. You almost feel a little bad for him, like he’s in a weird...hate triangle, but very much on the loosing end of it.

Next we get a good look at Kaiba’s interior design decisions, and much like his mansions, it’s a lot of very unexpected soothing pastels. Like this is a lot of seafoam blue. How can someone so angry make something so grandma-zen? Is it actually Kaiba’s grandmother who is just slapping down all these paint chips when he’s not looking? I mean it’s got muted pink stools even, with a makeup station.

Tea, Tristan, and Duke have no rooms to go to because they aren’t actually part of this competition, so they’re just squatting around until they’ll probably all end up crashing with Mokuba, the only other person who is not dueling in this competition. Reminds me a lot of the first week of college, where everyone is just coasting dorm room to dorm room and there’s like 10 people there who actually don’t actually go there but want to hang out with their high school friends and they just end up sleeping in your room for 7 days until they read your other friend’s diary, get hella indignant, and then storm off back to California. My apologies to my Freshman year roommate who had to put up with all that girl drama.

And because it’s this show, the men and their bottomless stomachs decide to raid the smallest little mini fridge and you wouldn’t believe what takes up about 1/4 of it

There is so many cheese wheels in this Japanese show, guys. So, I felt like doing a quick google search of Japan and Cheese and it’s just a bunch of ex-pats talking about how the European cheeses most of us are familiar with is harder to find in Japan. So, maybe that’s why? It's a status symbol that he can find round cheeses?

But even if you can only get your hands on a 30$ Swiss wheel every so often (because that really is just Swiss cheese, like lets be real.) how much Swiss cheese can one man eat??? Especially since, looking closely, there is not a single baguette here. No man can eat that much cheese without a bread!

Sorry, stuffing your face full of free cheese you pulled out of your friend’s mini-fridge is also giving me vivid flashbacks to my Freshman year of college.

Also little edit--just realized that flag is flipped 90 degrees from French so that’s probably a Holland flag? Although I looked up European flags and there is...none that have that color order so I don’t know which country they were originally going for.

YO I just realized there’s no curtains on any of these pelvis-height level windows. So, you can’t sleep because of the lights, and you can’t change into pajamas because like--the whole city will see.

Kaiba does seem like the type that would on purpose not install any curtains on any of the windows he’s ever owned, though.

Keto is gone, and now we just have Roland, who is probably too terrified to ever abduct the Kaibas by picking them up by the neck with one arm.

Anyway, in case you were wondering--since the show has decided to make a huge fuss over card prep time--how can they prep for a card game if they only have the cards they brought with them and they don’t know what the other people are even playing or which person they’re playing first?

Kaiba did nothing. He sat there and thought “If Yugi doesn’t even put that God Card in his deck this entire tourney will be absolutely pointless.”

Mai took little sips of milk. Probably paired it with Swiss cheese. Just a huge bite out of a wheel of Swiss cheese.

Odion never found the refrigerator.

Marik took a nap on this bed that looks like it’s just made of foam. Why is this the only one on the show who’s like “Youknow, I should sleep at some point.”

And Yugi’s prep involved talking to himself a whole lot, which explains why none of his friends wanted to stay here for that. I doubt very much Yugi kicked him out of the room. He was probably like “no, stay, stay” in that high pitched-low pitched voice combo until they were like “nooooo I don’t want to be present for your daily seance checkup byeeee.” while slowly backing out of the room.

Yo remember that time we were worried about Bandit Keith stealing the puzzle?

Apparently...Pharaoh could have just sort of done that dizzolving thingy and appeared right back on Yugi’s neck.

And remember that time Yugi handed that puzzle to Joey?

Apparently...Pharaoh could have just sneezed and then bam--right back around Yugi’s neck.

Like remember any time this season that we’ve been like “Oh no, the puzzle! We’re gonna lose it!” no that...that was never a problem.

I mean to be fair when it’s dismantled it might not work but um--apparently you can’t lose an item after it’s decided it likes you. At all. Which is kind of weird because Pegasus totally lost that eyeball, and aren’t all these items property of Pharaoh anyway?

I’ll try not to think about it as this rule seems to only really apply to Bakura. 

Anyway, next week--I’m pretty sure the finals are indeed actually starting next week. I could be wrong as I have been every single episode but maybe--probably--the finals are actually going to start. We shall see.