#i need to cope ig
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roguegambit on the same team again and going to new orleans 😄 but the book is being written by gail simone 🧍🏾♀️
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Leo going through the horrors but the horrors are just that he had a shitt day and no one bothered to save him any cookies :/
#vent art#uhhh ig this needs warnings#harmful stims#sometimes ya gotta bite to regulate okay#im not saying its OKAY#im just#ugh#im too tired to bother ill delete it if someone doesn't like it#having a shitty time for no reason#sorry if its illegible biut also i dont really care rn#tw bad coping mechanisms#trolls is not the bad coping mechanism#its like the ONE good one#whet william#highly reccomend rtrolls#general tw#lemme know if it needs mopre#or if i need to delete it idk#my brai is mad fuzzy rn#somehow drawing it makes it seem even more stupid in hindsight#ah wel
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Projecting my problems onto Leo rn
#if I suffer you suffer#such is the consequence of being my blorbo + favourite to draw + leosagi#trrart#fanart#tmnt fanart#rottmnt fanart#vent art#ig???#rottmnt#rise tmnt#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rise usagi#rottmnt usagi#leosagi#rottmnt leosagi#angst#it's angsty because I'm angsty#this isn't all too good but fuck do I need to draw heartache rn this is how I cope
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i think light yagami is "socially adept" in terms of being able to reason out relatively well what to say and do to come off as a harmless and good and polite young man who is likeable to be around. however i do not think "socially adept" (or "neurotypical") typically comes with having to preface every other normal-passing action and statement with a minor crisis of "ah shit. quick, what would i say/do in response to this if i was light yagami, a normal and nice and respectable young man?"
everyone likes to talk about him talking about kira in third person but can we acknowledge that he also talks about LIGHT in third person. i'm not adding manga panels at 3:57am but y'all know exactly which ones i mean
#light is decent at masking but he is NOT coming off as perfect to anyone who looks at him with a critical eye. like L or near#it's just that a lot of people take him at face value#he's handsome he gets top grades his dad is the police chief his family adores him girls like him etc#and he gets to skate off of that a lot until someone comes around and questions the mask#he unravels so fast once he gets closer to L. he fucks up the misa thing so badly even HE has to admit to L's face#that kira probably didn't think things through with the second kira and kind of panicked#ughhhhhhhhhhh i have so many thoughts about him. he works very hard to come off as socially competent. it's a learned skill not innate#i firmly believe there is some shit going on w light in terms of mental conditions. HOWEVER#i also believe he was relatively 'normal' up until the death note sent a lot of that shit spiralling#lots of mentally ill people live pretty normal lives it turns out! a lot of us can get by and sort of manage!#even if it means masking and coping as needed#i don't think you have to be mentally ill to react to the death note the way light did#i do think it oiled some clockwork that was already ticking though#anyway. light is socially competent to some degree because he tries to be. sometimes it backfires. sometimes he misses. normal stuff#trying to say he is objectively socially adept or inept is futile though#but ig what is death note without black and white thinking and what is the dn fandom without diving into the nuances under the surface layer
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He is so me coded
#kazuki and I get each other in a way none of you can actually it’s very personal#me too king i suck at games but I like money!!! capitalism wins ig#AnYways devastating episode I need something light to ✨ cope ✨#kazuki#buddy daddies#anime
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do you want to hurt me?
do you want to kill me?
do you want to use me up until i'm a sobbing, broken mess?
please, if you want to hurt me, just do it. i won't be mad.
whatever you want from me, i'll give it to you. take anything.
i'd be honored if you would want anything from someone as terrible as me, anyway.
#this is just me being insane sowwy guys#tw abuse#cw nsft#<- implied ig#ummm idk im so bad at TWs#irl yandere#actually obsessive#actually yandere#bpd yandere#obsessive love#bpd fp#yandere vent#male yandere#yanderecore#yandere coping#Um. i need mental help i thnk#this isnt even specifically targeted but like#💐#🧣#ermmm#OH YEAH.#tw murder#LMFAOO#bit important
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You don't everyday go to an art exhibition with your grandma only to go to the hospital and find out at the end of the day that your dad has stomach cancer and your grandma forgot to tell you.
#vent ?#ig#idk if anyone who follows me actually cares for this information i just need to cope somehow#i mean he'll probably be “okay” so#still truly had a Day huh
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Hi do you guys like OCs because I’d like to present mine ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚
His name’s Terry He’s an ex SWAT officer turned Radiographer who tinkers with police radios and can help divert the police away from you if you’re getting chased and need a quick getaway (no guarantee it works all the time, just something to buy some time to hide Yknow?)
More doodles down below, mostly from when I was first designing him:
#watch dogs#watch dogs 1#watch dogs 2#watch dogs oc#traditional art#Raymond kenney mention#aiden pearce mention#aiden pearce#slight oc x canon ig???#I made him because I needed to cope with trying to find a positive trait in wd1 Aiden#i have no idea how to insert him bro is just there so the best I can do is answer questions so no lore dump I’m afraid#what I can say is that he admires Aiden but everything that happens in act 4 just causes his downfall#anyway RATHRHRHTHBFGHG I LOVE AIDEN PEARCE#everytime i make a self insert i always need to make them friends with the protag especially if they’re lonely#because I for the love of god cannot cope with seeing my fav characters being alone with no friends#oc#oc art#also attempted to make it somewhat similar to the profiling UI in the first watch dogs game#emphasised the letters in his name to kinda make his username#TNT#anyway yap session over#hope you like him as much as I do
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FFXIVWrite 2024 Day 11 - Surrogate
Masterlist Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Characters/Pairings: Leofard Myste & Warrior of Light Rating: Teen & Up Additional Notes: Takes place at during HW patch 3.5. Major spoilers for the Shadow of Mhach alliance raid questline. Ao3 Link
Lady Raimille. The picture painted by Stacia's tale was everything an orphaned child could want from a parent. Everything except that she'd passed on too soon — but not before giving her foster son one last gift.
The noblewoman’s real portrait hung above them, enshrined in Leofard’s quarters. Presiding over his affairs and his family; watching over the man himself. Moro'a knew that paintings like this cost a considerable sum to commission, and that taking care of them required specific knowledge and attention; unexpected obligations for a sky pirate.
But the painting gleamed, immaculately free of blemishes. “I had wondered as to the origin of his vessel's naming,” Cait Sith said softly, his voice touched with emotion. “‘Tis a most beautiful painting.”
Moro’a’s time in Ishgard had also taught him that portraits like this one were made to memorialise — a likeness captured in brushstrokes, preserved from time. Remember me as I was, in this moment. Remember what this person means to us. Situated where their loved ones could gaze upon them, and never forget.
I doubt I'll ever feel worthy to sit where he sat.
Throughout their adventures, Leofard had pretended as though the portrait wasn’t there, and it was all Moro’a had needed to know not to bring it up. He’d accepted it without judgement, without ever considering otherwise. What was he here for, if not to hide from ghosts and broken hearts; from memory?
But now that Stacia had told them what Leofard would never impart himself, the pieces that made up the leader of the Redbills had finally begun to click: why a man who prized freedom so highly would build his new home a stone's throw from the Holy See, and why the loss of his airship had made Leofard retreat into himself, like a creature seeking familiar refuge.
It seems she kept him safe until the very end, Utata had said, and Moro’a’s heart had clenched so tight that he thought it might shatter.
It wasn’t any of his business. The voidsent had been stopped, and Cait Sith had found a new home. His time with the Redbills was coming to a close. It’d been an engaging distraction, which was precisely what Moro’a had needed; there were no stones left to overturn, no more accidental revelations to be had. He would go his separate way, into the unknown, and then…
Later, as he was stowing the few essentials he’d brought into the manacutter, Moro’a heard footsteps approaching. He turned to see Leofard, who was already dressed in a clean set of clothes and red-tinted goggles. “I almost forgot,” the sky pirate said, as breezy as could be now as he held something out in his hand. A Redbill scarf.
“You didn’t have to,” Moro’a murmured, feeling a strange mixture of reluctance and guilt.
“And I say otherwise, Warrior. I reckon you’ve done more than you’ll ever need to to have earned this.” His hand stretched closer, and Moro’a considered refusing. He was ready to quit this place, to move on. I’m not who you think I am, he wanted to say.
Instead he found himself reaching out for the scarf, and tucking it in with the rest of his things.
If, after he'd said his farewells, his hand reached under the collar of his shirt to gently hold the necklace that rested against his chest, to remember, he was the only one who needed to know.
#ffxivwrite2024#ffxivwrite#kae scribbles#moro'a kihshimo#leofard myste#cait sith#hhhhhh this prompt is loaded with multiple meanings and i feel the need to yap about it#tag essay incoming#obviously it's about raimille; leofard's surrogate mother#and it's also about haurchefant if that wasn't already clear (in which case my bad)#except that moro'a's still deep in grief and coping by. not processing things beyond what he knows is necessary to keep going#so it's also about how this whole adventure is a replacement for what moro'a really needs to be doing; a temporary reprieve#there's the moment moro'a realises what raimille means to leofard and what this almost does to him#he doesn't acknowledge it here but it's because he had a surrogate parent of his own#well sort of#moro was his friend and confidant and inspiration; she nurtured his interest in the world beyond their own when he was a kid#she's the reason he went to eorzea when hell broke loose in their little part of corvos and why he's an adventurer at all#he doesn't know if she's dead; he has no idea what happened to her after leaving his clan#and so he isn't thinking of her here; partly because he's trying not to#but the feelings are still there; buried and waiting to be torn open (that happens in stormblood)#ig if circumstances had been a little different moro'a and leofard may have wound up becoming closer a lot sooner????#but that isn't what happened lol#last thing more of an extra note: the necklace is precious to moro'a and what ties a lot of this together#it was originally a gift from moro which was lost in the sea of clouds after moro'a rescued emmanellain from the vundu#after which haurchefant took it upon himself to replace the necklace by matching the original gemstones as closely as he could#the necklace represents the two people moro'a loved most. after taking up goldsmithing he starts to add more pendants for others#starting with ysayle and mide#okkkkk bye
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Finally told my one (1) anti friend I'm proship now. I can post my OCs In Peace....
#duran muses#proshippers please interact#proship#profic#im a bit scared ngl#not because hes the type to actually harass people (hes staunchly opposed to it) (but hes very firm on proshippers needing therapy)#(to “cope in ways that dont hurt others”)#but because hes a good friend and if it wasnt for the shipping discourse we could totally continue being buddies#but now i dont know...#hes asleep rn (we have different timezones) so i guess I'll have to wait till the morning#to see what he thinks#i also explained than me realizing i was proship was the reason why my internet activity suddenly became so erratic:#i moved accounts in ig like 4 times and changed my pseudonym and used names. only so that former antishipper friends dont recognize me#or at least not easily#he's the only one ive kept a friendship with#hes my best buddy..... he's going to leave me aint he?#sad#vent
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Just a little something I did,, <3
(Angst warning 🫶)
#sobs into hands#hiatus officially over?? ig??#marching band is over#and I need to stop neglecting my creative outlets bc it’s how I cope so I’m gonna try to post regularly now#drawing increases my overall moral and honestly so does everybody who interacts with my art#so yeah!! I’m gonna!! try!!#luv y’all sm 🫶🫶#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#save rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise fanart#tmnt fanart#anyways hi#rise leo#rise future leo#rise leonardo#rise future leonardo#rottmnt leo#rotttmnt#rottmnt animatic#rise animatic#is this enough tags
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Something I think would destroy Michael when he finally got out of William's house:
At every turn, the adults who were supposed to care for him failed him. Now that he's an adult, nobody is expected to help him at all.
#something something the inherently inhospitable nature of a society lacking in community support#also the weird idea that once people are grown to a certain point they don't need like. nurturing#humans are social creatures who need nurturing even in elderhood#and he just. he doesn't have anybody to turn to for guidance rlly#henry would say he's there but in practice. there's a lot he cannot adequately do. esp after denying helping mike for so long#also full disclosure i am having A Time at 4 am and 100% projecting#my healthiest coping mechanism is. tormenting writing michael ig#getting gerascophobia vibes from mike tbh. he was scared of adults as a kid and now that he is one he's alone#which makes it darkly comical that he ends up having to live inside a body that rotted instead#he never got the chance to grow old. but what is decay if not the degenerative part of aging taken to an extreme#i feel like someone could write a poem about that but i need to fucking sleep#i have to be up in. 2 hours. help#fnaf#michael afton#mike's stuff
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📠
one thing i like about the new job is that public service really drives home how diverse and interesting any random sample of people actually is. you kind of can't keep thinking that there's one single way in which ordinary life typically goes when you're dropped into the middle of other people's lives on a daily basis. like within two weeks at a public service job in the most boring town imaginable someone will come in and be like hi i'm blind, can i have some adjustments for my advanced degree. hi my grandmother died, can i have an extension. hi i moved here from taiwan literally two months ago and misunderstood some instructions, can i repeat this process. hi i'm competing at the olympics, can i put my studies on hold.
there's just this certain kind of rhetoric that wants to make you belive that A Normal Person is this or that and their life goes this or that way, when really there's no limit to the chaos of human experience or to the endlessly new-shuffled variations of Circumstances and i'd defy anyone who believes otherwise to keep believing it after one day in public service
#the reason this is on my mind sm is bc i've lately been encountering the ''who is this even for'' argument a lot#from people who think certain adjustments are for ''fringe groups'' or whatever#that they believe don't really involve anyone of any note and aren't a good use of public resources#& before this job i never realized that statements like that are someone showing you their shitty qualifications?#like ok you don't know people then. you've never bothered to encounter People As People. you're in a deliberate bubble. cool#that's all i need to know abt your suitedness to comment on public interests lol#it'd be so convenient for them too. sooo easy to believe that ppl fit into neat little groups of The Rule and The Exception respectively#and therefore groups they can consider worthy of their service and groups that aren't#like i know that as a conservative you want to think of a theology student and a trans student as separate entities.#however over here in reality that's the same guy :') cope ig. hope this helps#it's about think of others by mahmoud darwish. you guys get it
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ouguhhh just read the summary and article from this post about alexandre baril's work on suicidism (oppression of the suicidal) and the opening paragraph of the conclusion in the full article. thoughts. rotating
i was thinking about the. thick white gloves. while reading. remembered that one post about how csa being horrifically taboo to talk about compounds survivors' trauma and shame and went Maybe something similar re: suicidality and suicide... the suffering multiplied by the silence, the risk of dismissal or instant change in perception in anyone you tell... and even in 'mental health' spaces the perception that suicide as a topic is dangerous to talk about- that it could be triggering instantly and automatically- is like. i think there's some paternalism there and there's some shamefear and there's some oversimplification and there's the fact that it plays well into the existing well-taught impulse to avoid the discomforting. but like. this post also about how getting through suicidality is maybe only possible by considering the option thoroughly. i am just thinking. idk. yall know me yall know i think about this topic a lot
#chat#as someone who HAS mostly recovered from passive suicidality- mostly recognizes its suicidal intrusive thoughts as demands for life change-#im def one of the people who can be susceptible to recovery-only mindsets when like assisting or relating to suicidal people. so i need thi#me and one of our stranger sysmates (maze-body) were reading the article together and it kept standing against my reflexive questions +#discomforts because it understands suicidality as both an experiencer (in a weird way) and an already-dead thing; it could confidently-#dismiss my concerns as both fixable and less relevant than the experience and autonomy of the suicidal party.#its whole thing is being- not anti-recovery but like. unrecovered and incurable. which is a perspective we need to remember and have spoken#no matter how much harm reduction + barrier lowering + healing we go through. it as a frank eternality will still remain+need recognition.#its a weirdass way of coping with the inevitability of pain and suffering while not giving up on our locus of control but we're doing it ig#and i think theres a lot there you can relate 2 chronic/passive suicidality- just a companion no matter how much you make life worth living#whatever. anyway#suicide /#in case anyone has. tag blocking but not content blocking fsr
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Maybe im just too used to it atp, but it's funny to me how easy it is for me to draw seb and fernando with long flowing beautiful curly hair/wigs for my au, but when I even just try to imagine other people in it, like Mark and Jense, I can't even imagine them wearing the same type of thing at all 😭😭
#ig theres smth about like fernando and seb being more feminine in their role of ruler#and others like mark and jense being more masc in their roles of service hmmmmmm#but like mark = automatically short hair. absolutely no wig. cant even imagine him w slightly longer hair#jense more close to his honda hair length but cant imagine him w super long hair either#and the others which i havent really touched on(ex. kimi nico lewis mick etc)#i dont know if many of them i could draw w long hair either. maybe nico ???#i guess its mainly bcs it kinda goes along w whos had longer hair irl#but its not like seb or fernando have had super long hair akin to what i draw#but somehow to me it suits them very well 🤧🤧 very majestic very kingly#i cant imagine living back then and theyre like yeah wigs the fashion and you look absolutely shit in a wig#do you just live w that??? do you just cope??????#one day i will draw a comic of mark trying on a wig and them relentlessly bullying him#it just doesnt suit him at all!!! like i cant imagine it at all#well anyways this is all to say that i want to draw portraits of mark and jense#maybe ill play around a bit with jense#the only thing is just: he needs to wear a tricorn/bicorn hat LMFAO#hes just that type of guy to me#also i wonder what colors ill do#mark is the same clothing colors of seb 🤭🤭 cause he belongs to him YKNOW#and then jense idk. i think i drew him before w reddish orange cause mclaren which is okay????#idk theres just a lot to me abt color coding and like who belongs w who and who is opposed to who#<- which is why seb and fernando are always blue/red for me#catie.rambling.txt
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every time i think abt tv glow i am so grateful to my past self for transitioning. its done. there is still time but i don't need there to be in that way, ive taken those steps and im done with it. im happy as i am now. transitioning has, for me, been as successful as it can be really
#at this point i just want to keep going to the gym#facial hair is slow but steady ish and i dont rly have the genes for it. chinese cope#of course a large part of it is luck or genes and i cant pretend it wasnt easier than it would have been if [completely different scenario]#but i am proud of how much ive changed and how far ive come#the pit in my stomach when isttvg cut to “20 years later”. i am so glad i wont live that#rare charlie happyposting. i dont talk about it much ig bc i genuinely dont think about it much#2 mins a day when i put my gel on. cispassing to everyone who meets me. life is good#idk why i feel the need to disclaimer everything i say abt my own experiences. ymmv. of course
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