#i need more psychologist friends who can analyze me

[1eeminho]

what i noticed recently is that with some people i act normal and with some people im so fucking weird like im trying not to be but its Hard for some reason and i havent found a pattern. i need to find a pattern and put a stop to this seriously i havent worked my ass off to learn to be normal since high school for this to happen now

[svt-luna]

ʚིᵋ FACTS ABOUT LUNA ᵌɞྀ

synopsis: Get to know more about Luna from this list of facts exclusively about her.

╰ ౨ৎ LUNA-VERSE MASTERLIST

ೀ Luna’s full name is Bae Jiyeon (배지연) from Sino-Korean 智 (ji) meaning "wisdom, intellect" or 志 (ji) meaning "will, purpose, ambition" combined with 妍 (yeon) meaning "beautiful.”

ೀ Her English name Luna is Latin for “moon” because her mother who named her loves anything moon-related.

ೀ A list of Luna’s endorsements and brands she is an ambassador of: Miu Miu, Dior Beauty, YSL Beauty, Laura Mercier, Chaumet, Innisfree, Kirsh, Bvlgari, Cartier, SK Telecom, Gospheres, Hapa Kristin, EIDER, FRED, SJSJ, Amuse, rolarola, Kérastase

ೀ If she wasn’t an idol she would still be a ballerina or a psychologist.

ೀ From a young age, she has always been an observant person. She has picked up a habit of analyzing people and their behaviors which made her want to study to be a psychologist.

ೀ Luna is a Psychology major and has a Bachelor of Science in Clinical Psychology.

ೀ When asked why she pursued this major she answered: “I had three dreams growing up. One was to be an idol which I have already achieved. Second, was to be a ballerina— and despite not being able to fully continue to be a full-time ballerina, I still got to perform as one multiple times as a young girl and I can still perform as one now if given the opportunity. Lastly, I wanted to be a psychologist— getting a PhD is possible, sure, but I love performing… my place is on the stage, and studying for that long will take my time away from the stage. So I decided to get a bachelor's degree instead… so I guess you can say that all my dreams have come true.”

ೀ Luna is terrified of spiders. Terrified to the point just seeing a picture or a video makes her physically flinch. No matter what kind of spider, no matter the size or color she would lose her mind and start crying on the spot.

ೀ She is also claustrophobic. She doesn’t do well in crowded places. So whenever they are mobbed by fans, Luna would always be holding one of the members’ hands for comfort. She mentioned in an interview how she got stuck in an elevator once when she was younger which is probably where her phobia stems from. Because of this, she has a habit of staring at the floor whenever she is in an elevator— she claims: “Looking at the walls makes me want to claw my way out the door myself.” She also never rides an elevator alone and would rather take the stairs if needed.

ೀ She is allergic to mushrooms and almost went into anaphylactic shock when she was nine years old.

ೀ Her favorite flowers are tulips.

ೀ She hates math but for some reason is good at it.

ೀ She hates doing aegyo but unknowingly does it and is good at it.

ೀ She dislikes being called “noona” by literally anyone, most especially the youngest members of the group. She understands it’s polite and customary to do so but she wasn’t raised in Korea, so being called “noona” just makes her feel old. However, Seungkwan, Vernon, and Dino still call her that out of habit— mostly Dino. Meanwhile, Minghao, Mingyu, and Dokyeom who have no reason to call her “noona” whatsoever because they are all born in the same year, like to tease her by calling her “noona.” Luna has gotten used to it though after all these years… she has gotten used to filtering them out.

ೀ Luna loves bunnies. They are her favorite animals and she loves the fact that she is often compared to one. She always wanted one growing up, however, her mom is allergic to fur which is why she never got one.

ೀ Luna loves the cold. Winter is her favorite season not just for the ambiance but because of the temperature. Some fans call her “Elsa” not only because of her cold appearance but also for her love of the cold.

ೀ Her body naturally runs warm which is why you would often see her holding onto Jeonghan’s hands who is the complete opposite and gets cold often.

ೀ Luna has a Lego addiction and the fact that her best friend turned boyfriend Jeonghan has it too doesn't help.

ೀ Luna had the biggest crush on Draco Malfoy as a child and Loki as a teen. During a fan sign, a fan asked her about her crushes and asked her why she liked the bad boys who were littered with red flags. Luna simply smirked and answered: “Red is my favorite color. Plus I have red-tinted glasses… couldn’t see.”

ೀ It is well known that Luna used to train for YG Entertainment for a year before moving to PLEDIS. Because of this fans speculate that if she stayed in her previous company, there would have been a chance she would have debuted with Blackpink.

ೀ S.Coups said in an interview that Luna had the “YG vibe” when she first joined PLEDIS— they could easily tell what company she was in before just by the way she carried herself and how she dressed.

ೀ Some people are surprised that she can rap and does well when the unit teams switch songs, especially with the Hip Hop Team. Luna trained to rap at YG Entertainment not because she wanted to but because her trainers claimed that she would do well as both a vocalist and a rapper.

ೀ According to Hoshi, Luna is very flexible in terms of her talents and claims that she could easily be in all of the sub-units if she wanted to.

ೀ Luna has a high pain tolerance which she claims to be both a blessing and a curse.

ೀ She has a terrible habit of fidgeting when she's anxious or nervous. You would often see her twisting the rings in her fingers, playing with her necklace, or cracking her knuckles which Jeonghan always scolded her for.

ೀ Her habits and Jeonghan’s habits go hand in hand. Because of her fidgeting and Jeonghan’s desire to always have something in his hand for emotional support— you would often see the two holding hands. Luna’s hands are for Jeonghan’s emotional support whilst Jeonghan’s hands are to stop Luna from fidgeting.

ೀ Luna’s favorite colors are red and pink because according to her red looks good on her and pink is, according to her, “red’s little sister”… which also looks good on her. And that these colors make her happy… it doesn't change the fact that half of the clothes she owns and wears often are black but that's beside the point.

ೀ She hates loud noises. She’s good with scary movies and doesn’t get scared easily during their GoSe horror specials— however, it’s the sudden loud noises that get her. Which is why you would often see her covering her ears when she gets startled.

ೀ She is a shopaholic it’s borderline problematic. Luna is one of the Instagram addicts of the members and is one of the fashionistas in the group— wherever they may travel, she has to buy an item of clothing… emphasizing “has to”.

ೀ Luna is the queen of eye contact. Whenever she is talking to anyone, you’d often see her staring straight into their soul— this causes a few of the members and mostly people outside the group to be flustered. According to Luna: “My parents taught me to always look at a person's eye to eye when talking to them because it’s disrespectful not to. It’s actually a struggle for me to not maintain eye contact.”

ೀ She is part of the iron deficiency line.

ೀ She loves getting her nails done. Her nails are almost always freshly manicured.

ೀ Luna doesn’t drink often but when she does she is one of the members with the highest tolerance. However, despite her calm and quiet personality, she is a talkative drunk— she just rants about literally anything.

ೀ She is lowkey (highkey) obsessed with long, black-haired Jeonghan. Luna claims it’s his best hairstyle because it makes him look like a certain Marvel villain she had a huge crush on growing up… blonde Jeonghan is a close second for her… because… Draco Malfoy, duh (Luna acknowledges that she has a type.)

ೀ Luna is an amazing cook and likes cooking for the members, however she loves baking the absolute most.

ೀ She’s a huge One Direction fan.

ೀ Bows are her best friends. She always has a couple of bows lying around somewhere near her— cute little bows on her hair, tied to her bag, her outfits… the members’ stuff.

ೀ Luna absolutely hates it when someone leaves the door wide open. She cannot for the life of her wrap her head around the fact someone could open a door, walk into a room, and not close the door right back— every time someone does that, you’d see her eyes lingering on the door until someone notices and closes it.

ೀ If you want to piss her off and get cursed at in both English and Korean— wake her up, bonus points if you open the lights. Luna is a very disciplined and organized person. Whenever she needs to wake up early for shoots, performances, or for traveling purposes, she always sets an alarm— always. So she hates being woken up in her sleep for absolutely no reason.

ೀ And because of this, the members agreed that Luna is one of the scariest when angry.

ೀ Luna is quiet when angry. She’s naturally a quiet person but there is something about the silence when she’s angry— it’s different. It’s like you sense and feel her anger rather than see it.

ೀ Luna is an assertive person but completely deteriorates the second Jeonghan decides to baby her— she may act like it annoys her but both she and Jeonghan know… she loves being babied.

ೀ She’s not the jealous type… she’s the possessive type (Jeonghan’s ego is bigger than ever)

ೀ Her nicknames given by fans: “Ace”, “Elsa”, “Bunny”, “It Girl”, “Siren”, “Bubbles”, and “Baeby”

ೀ Her nicknames given by the members: “Jiyeonie”, “Lulu”, “Nie-Nie”, and “Princess” (whenever she’s being sassy or spoiled— she hates this nickname)

ೀ Her nicknames given by Jeonghan: “Nana”, “Angel”, “Angel-face”, “Pretty Angel”, “My Angel”, “My Moon”, “Baby Moon”, and “Pretty Girl” (Luna thinks that Jeonghan wants her dead cause he gets super creative with his nicknames for her)

ೃ⁀➷ comment or message me to be added to the tag list :)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ SUBMIT A REQUEST AND ASK ME ANYTHING!

: ̗̀➛ requests are always open ♡ - lunaఌ

Taglist: @yeoberryx @minminghao @angie-x3 @jennwonwoo @k13endall @heeseungthel0ml @chisskaa @megumi2020 @yoonzzziino @lllucere @smh-anon @yveclipse @randomworker @bunnystrm @iamawkwardandshy @gratefulbunny1 @bmo-bri @syren-ash @megseungmin @multiplums @unlikelysublimekryptonite @night-storm7 @cookiearmy @seokqt @btskzfav @billboard-singer @junhuisworld @caturdayvibe @coralbatlampzonk @sof1eya @lyraea

[zelda-cooper]

Character Ideas for Writers - Bushroot (Darkwing Duck)

This blog is for Darkwing Duck writers who plan to write a fanfic, comic or anything that directly or indirectly involves the character Bushroot. The ideas may not be for everyone and everyone has their own different vision of the character, but this blog is for those who are experiencing writer's block or any other creative issues. I hope you understand and, if you use any of these ideas, please give me credit. Thank you for understanding.

Yeah, I know, this blog took longer than I wanted... But in my defense, my college (yes, I'm in college-) gave me a lot of work to do, so that's it... Little time to make a blog... But I did it little by little and, now, here I am! Well, my dear writers, fanfiction writers, Fan Comics writers and Darkwing Duck fans, let's start with tips about my second favorite Darkwing Duck villain, Reginald Bushroot!:D

(Second favorite, because you already know... My number one favorite villain is Liquidator... -w-)

I decided to start with Bushroot because I had more ideas related to him and I was rewatching the Darkwing Duck episodes while listening to the Podcast "The Saint Canarian Files: A Darkwing Duck Podcast" (By the way, listen to their Podcast, it's really good and they bring curiosities about the production of the episodes :³). And, also, I ended up changing my mind about the "Bushroot Redemption Arc" that was being done in the "Boom Comics" comics and, after hearing some opinions from other people, I ended up liking the idea (and also, this blog was supposed to be released last month because Bushroot, believe it or not, is a good horror character). This blog will be divided into topics and, in each topic, I will talk about specific themes, but that encompass several ideas about that theme. Enjoy! :D

Oh, and for the people who came to the blog to complain about my ideas, I didn't see that you agree with my opinions, don't like Bushroot or are just here to complain as if it were Twitter... I kindly ask that you leave peacefully, malicious or inappropriate comments will be deleted.

Character's Past

This topic (as well as others) is optional, but if you want to make a story (like a fanfic, comic or One-Shot) focused on the character, this topic can be good to give more layers to the character.

I've heard many psychologists talk about how our inner child defines who we are in the present, and despite a series of factors involved, it's really true. So, in Bushroot's case, we have to define what made him a person who, despite being good deep down, ends up losing control of his emotions and ends up doing questionable things, and who also can't express what he wants to others. So I took some things from the psychoanalysis of Attachment Theory. And, to give a very rough summary (go research it later if you want), it is a theory that says that your type of attachments to friendships, family, work and romantic relationships can fit into four aspects of attachment: Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment, Disorganized Attachment and Secure Attachment.

Since our focus is on Bushroot, after analyzing each of the attachments, I classified it into the two most likely attachments for him: Anxious Attachment and Disorganized Attachment.

- Anxious Attachment

The theory says that Anxious Attachment is caused when the person responsible for the child was inconsistent in meeting the child's needs, such as security, affection and attention. One day the child had a lot and the next, he had little. This attachment causes the child to end up developing affective anxiety, with this unpredictability of the person who took care of the child projecting itself into the constant fear that people will abandon him. And this also extends to other life experiences besides older people, such as having a boyfriend or a friend who sometimes gave you attention, and sometimes barely spoke to you, which can be harmful to future relationships, because the person ends up suffocating the loved one in search of validation and security, usually looking for dynamics that are "familiar" to them from past experiences. The points that make Bushroot have part of this attachment are:

Needs constant validation

Never feels loved enough

Has emotional ups and downs

His biggest fear is that they will abandon him

Constantly questioning your worth as a person based on the answers you receive

Always needs attention from others

He cares a lot about every detail

There have been moments considered toxic because of emotional dependence.

He has anxiety and worries a lot about the possibility of betrayal, of people no longer loving him or being interested in him.

- Disorganized Attachment

People with Disorganized Attachment are commonly the result of living in a hostile family environment, with dysfunctional dynamics and emotional abuse. The retained trauma ends up being manifested in later relationships. And, of course, it can also be developed in adulthood. Even if the person has received love in a good family environment, they can become a person with this attachment after traumatic experiences with a toxic partner. Extremely stressful situations can cause this type of attachment. The points that make Bushroot have part of this attachment are:

You don't know how to regulate your emotions, you never know what you're going to feel around someone

There was more than one person in that area who mistreated him

Carry unhealed traumas that show up in relationships

You know his behavior seems contradictory

People are generally untrustworthy

Feeling incomplete, with very low self-esteem

You want to be loved, but you're afraid of being hurt

You know that any relationship will always abandon you

I would like to love myself more, but I don't know if I can

So, yeah... You can take the Bushroot side of things, as a child, having had inconsistent parents or having lived in a hostile family environment, because both attachments are valid. But let's get out of the speculation part and into the part that's probably more fun to play with.

Origin of Powers and Mutation

Definitely the one I had the most ideas for, but let's take it one step at a time... We already know Bushroot's personality and why he did the experiment in the original, but if you want to change that, I have some suggestions.

- Trying to cure a terminal illness

I know, it's a cliché that a scientist tries to cure a disease that would probably kill him or make him lose something that would end his life, but it's still a cliché that, if done well, can give a greater dramatic load to the character. Having reached such an extreme point just to survive, it can also show the character's selfishness, even if small.

- Seek approval and recognition

This is also nothing new considering the duck plant, but it is really valid and is in the original, in parts. And it still works, changing one point or another, it can be well executed.

- Sabotaged by colleagues

This is a strand that goes a little against the original, but it is valid. If Bushroot had his project approved by his boss, Dr. Gary and Dr. Larson would probably be very angry with the duck and would have sabotaged the project, which would cause his mutation and, consequently, they would have indirectly caused their own deaths. But if you want a more interesting Plot Twist... We have another strand of this idea.

- Rhoda being the culprit behind the Bushroot mutation

If you want to completely change the origin of the mutation, you can do the following... Bushroot would be getting approval and would be making money with his projects, while Rhoda is about to be fired, so she decides to use the fact that Bushroot always wants approval from others and convince him to try to do a riskier project. However, she ends up tricking him and using him as an unwitting guinea pig, which ends up causing his mutation and, in the end, she is the one who receives the credit (even though the project was Bushroot's), which causes Bushroot to become blind with rage and want revenge on everyone, including Rhoda. It would be an interesting origin and one that, in fact, would add a lot to his story. And since we're talking about Rhoda...

Rhoda's Character

Another optional topic, but one that could be interesting to work on... Because, in itself, Rhoda's character is not very developed, she serves more as a stepping stone for the plot to follow and to contribute to Bushroot's initial motivation. So, if you want to work more on the character and her relationship with Bushroot, here are some suggestions.

- Keep the original personality, but with more development

It's self-explanatory, but it's valid... The issue of Rhoda being the only person who supports Reginald and truly believes in him is good, whether she just sees him as a friend or something more, which would also give more impact when Bushroot loses his sanity and ends up becoming a villain. You can also try to include her in a few times, making her a recurring secondary character and developing her personality more.

- Good on the outside, but manipulative and cruel on the inside

There are two sayings in my country that I've heard of: the first is "Love makes people blind" and the second is "Love is a purple flower, which grew in the heart of a fool". These two sayings fit this idea... If you want to make a more interesting plot twist, you can use Rhoda as a ladder for a character who seems good, but deep down she is the "mad scientist" of the story. As mentioned in the idea of Rhoda being the culprit of everything, she would have tricked Bushroot into stealing his project and thus gaining money and recognition, never having truly cared about him. This, besides being a plot twist for the audience, would be a reality check for Darkwing Duck, who would be shocked when he found out about this. It could also open the basis for a lot of symbolism regarding this act of Rhoda, but I'll leave that one for you to think about.

- Dying (unintentionally or not) because of Bushroot

Regardless of the path you choose, whether you want Rhoda to be good or evil, another idea that would be interesting is if Bushroot ended up killing her. Whether by accident, with the collapse of the laboratory or a fit of rage that hit Rhoda, or intentionally, with him killing her in cold blood or replicating her experiment, but ending up killing her in the process. But that depends on each writer, the shock value has to be used in the right way and that makes sense in the narrative, and there is no point in killing the character if there is no development for her or her death. But going back to the question of the Bushroot mutation...

Consequences of Mutation

We already know that he became a plant mutant and that this gave him, in addition to plant powers, an extremely surprising regeneration capacity. But what about the consequences of the mutation? Would there be any? I have some suggestions...

- Physical consequences of the body

For those who study biology, you know that our body has a certain "recipe" that, if changed, can cause physiological problems for us. In the case of Bushroot, because he transformed (or was transformed) his body into a plant, his body could reject the mutation. Whether it's his organs not adapting well and causing him to have internal problems, vomiting flowers like "Hanahaki" (those who know fanfics know this term), or him having the physiology of a zombie, losing his vocal cords and becoming hunched over, among other problems.

- Psychological problems

If you want to go into the more psychological aspect of the character, there are also ways to work on that. You can work on an identity crisis in him, with him realizing that he is no longer human and questioning whether he is still himself. You can explore how the mutation ended up affecting his brain, which makes him slowly start to lose his sanity and have hallucinations. Or, if you want to follow the original, explore how lonely Bushroot is now that he is a mutant, since everyone is afraid of him and wants him away, which also touches on the issue of his emotional dependence. But, for this last suggestion, we have a hook to talk about another topic.

Relationships

I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, I'm also talking about friendship and enmity. Let's start with the basics...

- Darkwing Duck

Everyone knows this... Bushroot doesn't like Darkwing Duck at first, mainly because he keeps getting in the way of his plans, but their relationship in the comics and the series ends up changing. Like in "Silme Okay, You're Okay", "Jailbird", "Twin Beaks" and in the zombie potato comic (I can't remember the name right now), they've already teamed up against a bigger villain. In the latter, by the way, it was the first time that Darkwing called Bushroot by his nickname, "Reggie". It comes to the point that, despite all their differences, they are similar, Darkwing even says this: "I know we have our differences...". You can explore either the aspect of Bushroot's hatred towards Darkwing or the aspect of Darkwing being a person who, even though Bushroot is a villain, supports his change of character.

- Fearsome Four

This is the second relationship that is most important, after all, he is in a group of powerful villains... But let's take it one step at a time... Quackerjack is one of the ones he would get along with the least, because, besides Quackerjack being noisy, it was seen in "Jailbird" that he destroys Reginald's plants a lot and doesn't care about his feelings. With Megavolt, he wouldn't interact much, but they would probably get along, considering that they were both losers in the past and have interests in science (even if their field is different), despite Volt also being VERY noisy. Now, with Liquidator, who unfortunately was the least explored, you can see that they get along very well, and could be both the "brave and coward" duo, as well as, probably, two gossipers (because I really think that both of them would be the type of person who likes to gossip), besides that their relationship with Dator could help his self-esteem, even if just a little, because the water dog definitely doesn't take any nonsense.

Credits to @hahasuchagarbage for the idea and inspiration

- Negaduck

Yeah... It's definitely not good... I DOUBT that Negaduck would be nice to Bushroot, even if he is useful as a "henchman", Negaduck would consider him "too soft". You must know that Negaduck is a HORRIBLE person (don't even try to contradict that it's true!), but he would certainly be one of the factors for Bushroot to have trauma that would take him to therapy... Negaduck would ALWAYS threaten Bushroot for every thing he did wrong, whether psychologically or by threatening to burn him alive until he dies. One of the relationships that, besides being toxic, would be one of the factors for Bushroot to be excited about wanting to have redemption or not.

- Spike

To lighten the mood, let's talk about the plant dog Spike... Even though, in the series, Bushroot acted very badly towards Spike, their relationship would be very cute to explore. There are people who, when they feel bad, adopt therapy animals to improve their anxiety and other psychological problems, which ends up fitting with Spike. And with this cuteness, we move on to the next topic.

Powers

Another optional topic, however, equally interesting! We know that Bushroot's powers, in general, are limited to controlling plants, but if you want to expand Reggie's range of powers further, there are some that suit him.

- Expand his plant control

Self-explanatory, but it requires research into plant biology, and I understand that it can be boring, but it ends up being rewarding and makes you see that Bushroot is, in fact, one of Darkwing Duck's most powerful villains.

- Control insects

A slightly more insane idea, but an interesting one, considering that some plants can trick certain insects into survival, whether through pheromones or another method. So it would be interesting for Bushroot to use some formula to manipulate insects.

- Control people with pollen from modified flowers

Just like Poison Ivy, who is the inspiration for Bushroot, he can use the flowers to control people, not necessarily making them fall in love with him, but manipulating their minds to commit crimes for him or something else. And now, let's get to the topic everyone was waiting for...

Redemption or not? That is the question...

As has been said many times here, there is the option of leaving Bushroot as a villain and someone who does not want to change (as some episodes of the series and the comics, both old and Dynamite, did) and there is the option of working on Bushroot's redemption and making him become a hero or an anti-hero. And now, let's explore these two narrative points. And, just for the joke, I'm going to do like Undertale and call the slopes "Good Route", "Neutral Route" and "Evil Route".

- Good Route

The route follows what was proposed by the Boom Comics comics and was touched upon in the original series, a possible redemption of Bushroot... As seen in the other topics, Bushroot suffered a lot of trauma, whether from the past, in his origins or with Negaduck, being some of the reasons why Bushroot is apprehensive about having a redemption arc, asking himself "Is it worth it for me to do this? Will anyone really believe in me to the point of agreeing to help me? Or will everyone just abandon me for choosing this?". And the character who would probably help Reggie in this arc would be Gosalyn (because, as much as Darkwing Duck might consider it, he is not at all delicate with words). Gosalyn, despite being a character with a bit of "no filter", she is a good person and, upon seeing an act of kindness from Bushroot, she would want to help him change. However, Negaduck would be the main obstacle to this redemption, threatening Bushroot with death if he did so, but, in the end, Reggie would finally face him and, thus, would begin his arc of reform, whether as an Anti-hero or as a hero itself. As for the reaction of the other Fearsomes... It will depend... If you want to maintain a good relationship between Bushroot and them, the Fearsomes can get upset, but they would understand Bushroot's side and accept his choice. Now, if you want a negative reaction, you can make them angry and get satisfaction from Bushroot, who would reinforce that he no longer wants to be a villain.

- Neutra Route

She is a middle ground between the good Bushroot and the evil Bushroot, literally being in the middle of them. Bushroot could even consider having redemption, but due to Negaduck's constant threats, he would refuse, even if it would break Gosalyn's heart... However, the event of the Fearsome Four breaking away from Negaduck could occur, which could open the door for Bushroot to be an anti-hero who only kills horrible people, but not necessarily being a hero or a villain, truly being neutral, which still keeps him in the Fearsome Four.

- Evil Route

Now... If you want Bushroot to be 100% villainous, you can choose how to do it... You can make him slowly lose his sanity and, when he is given the chance to redeem himself, he is so insane and traumatized that he would furiously refuse. Or you can make him feel that, if he changes, he will lose everything he has built and his friendship with the Fearsomes, deciding to remain a villain. There may be an atmosphere of terror with these aspects. Or, if you want a more tragic side, make loneliness consume him completely and he becomes a complete villain because of it. You can also want to make him have a redemption, but for a series of factors and a series of issues, he ends up dying in the end, but doing an act of kindness before dying. It's a tragic fate, but you can choose whichever one you want.

Reference Suggestions

Last extra topic to end the blog with a flourish (or perhaps a marigold, if you prefer), which are literary and character tips for you to get inspired.

- Dr. Jerkyll and Mr. Hyde

It might be a good choice if you want to explore Bushroot's internal conflict, between being good or being evil.

- Frankenstein

The most classic parallel, if you want to use the idea of Rhoda being evil and Bushroot being the victim, is questioning the ethics of science and the dilemma of "Who is the monster and who is the human?".

- Poison Ivy

The most direct inspiration for Bushroot, but if you want, you can delve deeper into the character to have both the aspect of Bushroot's powers and more of his past.

- Pearl (from Steven Universe)

It is one of the most classic examples of characters who have emotional dependence and who can help this part of Bushroot evolve and become more self-sufficient.

- Dead Plate

This last one doesn't exactly match Bushroot, but the protagonist and antagonist have two parallels about "what is love?" I recommend researching more about the characters and the game.

Conclusion

But that's basically it, folks... The blog got bigger than I expected, but I hope I helped you! If you have any suggestions for ideas, leave them in the comments and I'll reblog them with your idea! Each like and reblog is a little Lemon Balm Tea to calm down poor Bushroot... That's it, BYEEE!!!

All the arts were made by me in traditional, I hope you liked it! ^^

[sleepyzenpanda]

Wylan’s feelings about his father - Part 1: Denial

I didn’t set out to do a character analysis post when I started taking screenshots of my favorite parts of Crooked Kingdom, but here we are. Once I realized that many of the screenshots I took all revolve around a similar theme this just kind of happened. This will be the first in a series of posts analyzing how Wylan’s views on his father mistreatment of him evolve as events in the story unfold.

TW // this post contains discussions of emotional/psychological abuse and a brief reference to attempted murder of a fictional character. If reading about such topics causes you distress you may wish to skip this post. Please stay safe.

While I’m not a psychologist, I have a B.S. in Sociology and took courses that went in depth about family dynamics, abuse, and explored a bit of the psychology behind how abuse victims view their abusers. I’m basing my analysis on that as well as my personal experience. As person with dyslexia (and other learning disabilities) and who has trauma from a complex relationship with their emotionally abusive father, I relate to Wylan’s character a lot.

Towards the beginning of Crooked Kingdom, even though Wylan’s fathers attempt on his life forced him to go into hiding, which later resulted in him joining the Crows, it’s clear that Wylan is still concerned for his father’s wellbeing as he seems hesitant when Kaz brings up the possibility that his father could be executed. At this point in the story Wylan is shown to have complex feelings about about his father. His feelings seem more akin to hurt rather than anger or hatred.

Despite everything Jan Van Eck has done to him and his friends Wylan is still unable to see his father as evil. At this stage he is still tying to come up with other explanations for his father’s behavior.

When Jesper makes a joke about Wylan’s father Wylan still feels the need to come to his father’s defense stating that his father isn’t evil. Jesper argues that Wylan’s father tried to kill him when he destroyed the boat. He doesn’t even know about the previous attempt to have Wylan killed yet.

Even though this means that his father tried to have him killed twice he’s still unable to admit to himself the truth about his father. Even though logically he can acknowledge what his father has done he’s still unable to process what he’s been through and unable to admit the truth of his fathers abuse to himself as it’s too painful for him to face at the moment.

Wylan’s father’s abuse did a number on his self-esteem. He initially views himself as deserving of his father’s treatment of him due to his dyslexia. He thinks his father’s actions are justified because he can’t read.

This scene stood out to me for several reasons. As I previously mentioned I also have dyslexia. I also remember memorizing stories that were read to me and learning to repeat them to hide that I had trouble reading.

But it also stood out because Wylan is shown reminiscing about good memories with his father. He still longs for the days when his father still treated him with love. His father has lead him to believe that he is defective which makes him unworthy of the love he received from him as a young child.

When you’re a child of abuse, and yes emotional abuse IS abuse, it can be hard to reconcile the good memories of a loving parent with the reality of the parent’s abusive actions. At this point in the story Wylan is not at the point where he can accept that his father’s actions are indeed abuse.

—

That’s all for now. I will link the other posts below as they are posted. Due to work and life the analysis is coming along rather slowly, but I do plan on finishing it eventually. Once each part is completed it will be linked below:

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

[copperbadge]

just wanted to say thank you so much for noting down the podcasts you listen to! I've been using them as a jumping off point to listen or discover new things and a lot of them are great. would you ever consider doing more recs after November is over?

Oh sure. I mean, I do periodic posts that are just "a list of what I'm listening to" but at this point it’s so long and there are many that I’m on the fence about, so let me do a highlights reel. 

History:

Behind The Bastards - Historically accurate but also quite informal and funny, all about people who are terrible, historic and contemporary; just did a brilliant two-parter about how cigarettes invented/ruined everything, which is a great place to start.

Noble Blood - Histories of the nobility and frequently of their grim demises. 

Cautionary Tales - An examination of how historical events can teach us lessons about what we assume, overlook, and misunderstand.

Bedside Rounds - Medical history, with a bend towards medical education (in the sense that med students can get class credit for listening); I find it highly accessible as a non-doctor but I'm not sure everyone would.

One Year - Every season, One Year picks a single year (most recently 1942) and examines the events, culture, and icons of that year. 

You’re Dead To Me - Each episode, the host, a historian, and a comedian discuss a specific historical figure or event to learn more about them and also make fun of them. 

Culture:

99% Invisible - Roman Mars soothingly talks about the invisible design that impacts our everyday lives.

Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend - A talk show host got tired of doing eight-minute bits and now does longform interviews with notable entertainers; it's still very comedic but there's a profundity to the interviews that I absolutely did not expect and love. 

Ear Hustle - the culture of prison, made by prisoners at San Quentin (as well as their loved ones and outsiders who regularly interact).

Embedded - I'm never quite sure how to define Embedded, but they generally do short newsy serials on events of the day; they've covered police brutality, world cup soccer, the January 6th treason, and other local, national, and global events.

Mailin’ It - The official podcast of the US Postal Service, covering all things postal. Hit and miss, but when it hits it’s absolutely fascinating. 

The Allusionist - the history of words, often with a particular eye towards words that come from, or interact with, marginalized cultures. 

Gender Reveal - Queer discussions surrounding gender, generally with a new person each week who speaks about their experiences with gender. Bit hit and miss for me, I’ve found some of the guests rather offputting, but overall highly educational. 

Radiolab - I have no idea what this show’s goal, theme, or target audience is; it’s just fascinating short pieces on fascinating topics. 

Entertainment:

IDEOTV (I Don't Even Own A Television) - Two friends read terrible books and dissect them, sometimes discovering they're better than they let on.

How Did This Get Made - All about terrible movies, with three comedic actors and often guest stars. (I skip the ones that are just Paul because he's fun when he's talking to people but insufferable when he's unaccompanied.)

It's Christmastown - Two sports journalists analyzing and dissect Hallmark Christmas movies, often with guests; really funny and smart takes on movies "made for the gentlest of people".

True Crime:

True Crime Obsessed - I'm a "pates at the five" for this one, which features two friends discussing true crime media (not true crime directly); Patrick and Gillian are queer creators and a fascinating duo to listen to, I'd listen to them discuss anything.

A Date With Dateline - Also true crime media rather than true crime, Katie and Kimberly discuss Dateline episodes old and new, make puns, and occasionally veer off into pop culture.

Bad People - A criminal psychologist and a stand-up comedian discuss specific crimes and criminals as a way of focusing a lens on western culture's relationship to crime and mental health. I occasionally do not agree with some of their hot takes, but they at least are asking extremely interesting questions. 

Criminal - A journalistic take on true crime, covering stories that are less sensational or well-known than most true crime podcasts, with a lot of original research and interviews. 

News:

Planet Money - All things economic, in the US and abroad, though focused in America. 

The Indicator - produced by Planet Money, it’s a shortform podcast covering economic events and indicators daily. 

The Journal - A slightly less shortform but still usually pretty short daily podcast covering current events, particularly in the tech and economy niches. 

Food:

Gravy - Food and culture presented by the Southern Foodways Alliance, with an obvious specific bend towards foodways of the American South.

Proof - The podcast of America’s Test Kitchen, discussing food history, modern food movements, and other things foodie. 

The Sporkful - general food culture and news; most notable as the podcast which gave us Cascatelli pasta. 

Fiction: 

Levar Burton Reads - Levar Burton reads short stories, generally SFF; he just started a new season so I’m not quite caught up yet. 

The Magnus Archives - I listened up to the end of S4 but didn’t care for S5; it’s currently kickstarting a few new seasons. Not sure if I’ll listen yet, but the first four seasons as they stand are great horror. 

Phoebe Reads A Mystery - Phoebe Judge, of Criminal, reads a chapter a day of various mystery novels or great works of literature. At present it’s on hold and may be indefinitely but the past episodes (including all of Dracula) are well worth a listen. 

Old Gods of Appalachia - A gothic fiction podcast mingling magical realism, fantasy, horror, and alternate history; I really enjoy it when I listen but it is a very sprawling story and they take long breaks so I’m not caught up because I have to relisten to it every time they come back from a break or I lose the thread. 

Short Runs:

These podcasts were short serials that are well worth listening to even though they are now complete: 

In Plain Sight - The story of Lady Bird Johnson, often in her own words via her audio diaries. 

Mob Queens - Two journalists discover the epic queer history of a mob wife who dunned in her husband and took over his business. 

Radioactive - Before there was twitter, Father Coughlin was radicalizing bigots via the radio!

The Tylenol Murders - A re-examination of the unsolved Tylenol poisonings in Chicago, as presented by journalists from the Chicago Tribune. 

[rimofwell]

I’ve experienced this myself and have observed it in friends too (though obviously I can’t know for sure). And it makes me want to SCREAM < why do you say that? Can you elaborate?

I could honestly say so much about this because I’ve experienced these situations myself and seen hints of similar dynamics between friends and their therapists. I’ll try to speak to my own experience though because obviously I can’t say with certainty what’s going on for someone else.  

But basically, just everything that was said in the post. The person I quoted is a really renowned psychologist and psychoanalyst and the way he talks about therapy and its purpose has been so clarifying and helpful to me. I’ve had many therapeutic relationships in the past go very wrong and because of that, it’s become a huge interest of mine just like… understanding the countertransference/transference dynamics that get played out in the therapeutic relationship as a result of the patient’s and therapist’s own schemas/orientations/pathologies. 

I think it’s tricky because there’s so much nuance and it’s hard to speak about things without overgeneralizing, but basically the therapy relationship, while concrete in some respects, is also symbolic. I don’t know how to say this in quite the right way, but a therapeutic relationship is obviously “real” in that it’s between two humans who care about each other and the compassion is real and all of that. But at the same time, it’s largely symbolic, in that the patient projects onto the therapist their own relational schemas and past trauma and difficulties (transference), and then this transference is actually a vehicle for psychotherapy to occur. So it’s not the same as a friendship or a romantic partnership or a mentorship, because the transference is actually the point – like it’s not a bad thing, it’s actually what allows therapy to happen because it tells the therapist about patterns in the patient’s life and the job of the therapist is to analyze that transference, observe their own countertransference reaction (how they respond as a result of what the patient has ‘projected’ onto them), and then use that entire thing as a vehicle for the patient to understand themselves more clearly and the dynamics they recreate in the world.

I think so often clients/patients start to treat the relationship like it’s purely concrete and get really stuck in the relationship itself rather than bringing these themes into their actual life and their real mutual relationships. And I can say this from experience because I’ve had therapeutic relationships where there was so much care and support and empathy, and I felt soooo connected to the provider and really loved the therapist and knew she loved me, and blah blah. And it was all very real, but at the end of the day her love wasn’t curative… it was never going to be because the role of a therapist is not just that. There were so many points when I was like, “Oh I feel so connected to this therapist and she cares so much” but I was still doing really really poorly. So something about the dynamic wasn’t working. Because while our relationship itself was rich and meaningful, nothing in my LIFE was changing. (So basically the therapist and I got stuck in the concreteness of the relationship, rather than expanding and zooming out and interfacing with the symbolism and what was getting recreated and then using that to transform my life and change the way I interacted in the world.)

Basically what I’m saying is all that love and care and empathy wasn’t enough. Like… that alone is not therapy. You can get love and care and empathy from so many people. And I myself have (unconsciously) used therapy almost as a substitute for getting that love/care elsewhere, and I know others do the same. It’s kind of inevitable because on the surface, you have what seems to be this perfect one-sided relationship since the focus is supposed to be on the patient, and giving the patient the care that they need (I mean care as in treatment). And that’s how it should be, because the therapist shouldn’t be using the patient to gratify their own desires, obviously (even though some do without realizing it). Anyway, that is the point and that in and of itself (the one-sidedness) IS the therapeutic relationship and is exactly why it is symbolic and not concrete because the goal of psychotherapy isn’t mutuality. And of course the therapist has feelings because they are a person, so those get explored but only to the extent that they impact the patient’s care and ONLY if it’s beneficial to that care. And everything else, is what the therapist explores in their own therapy (hopefully). 

And it’s tough to be stuck in this trap of having murky boundaries and the relationship going from purely concrete to symbolic… then to both etc. It’s also difficult to discuss without making it sound like you’re minimizing the care present (because it is real for both parties!!) 

And it’s just tough to see people who have been in therapy for fucking ever with a therapist they love so much and who loves them and blah blah but I’m like wait….. You’re literally still doing so badly, so it’s probably time to evaluate what is going on….. Like therapy is not supposed to last FOREVER. And if you’ve seen the same therapist for SO long and made really minimal progress something does need to be looked at.

It’s also tricky because trauma is hard and some conditions take a long time to treat and progress is definitely slow and difficult and you need to build trust etc., so of course it won’t be quick. Like all of that is absolutely true, BUT at some point, I do think you need to take a look at the relationship and be like, “Okay what is the PURPOSE of our work together.”

I think it’s really easy for attachment to happen on both ends (which isn’t bad, obviously it’s important and normal and human and good for the therapy!). But I think the client AND the therapist can get into these patterns where they forget that… there is a purpose to the work… like a goal they are both orienting toward that isn’t just… to make someone feel loved and good. Like it truly is for change to happen.

I think it’s hard when you get comfortable with someone to have that relationship become like a default in your mind. Like the idea of staying with the same therapist for a super long time and they see you grow up and all of that is appealing and safe. And I’m not judging that, like people can do whatever they want. And maybe that can work for some people, but if I’m being entirely honest, I’ve never seen it work. When the therapeutic relationship becomes this drawn out extended thing where for years and years the therapist stays the patient’s only source of support and there are no shifts toward someone in the patient’s real life taking that place, progress is limited. I mean like… of course it is because healthy relationships are fulfilling on both ends — to give and receive love and support, the mutuality of it is what makes it fulfilling and by definition you can’t have that to the fullest extent within the boundaries of a therapy relationship (because of the fact that it’s supposed to be one sided, focused on enhancing the wellbeing of one party). And if it starts to shift to that (become a truly mutual thing) then it is again, by definition, no longer therapy.

And I absolutely don’t ~blame~ the client/patient, because at the end of the day it’s 100% the therapist’s responsibility to maintain the frame of the treatment and keep both parties on track and manage their own countertransference reactions as well. And I’m also not necessarily ~blaming~ the therapist. Like it’s natural to love your patients (I honestly still don’t like when therapists use that word and after having therapists cross boundaries with me, if my current one was like, “I love you” I’d be super disturbed)… but anyway, natural to really care about your patients and nothing wrong with that, but you have to also ask yourself whether you’re really serving your client. And if they’re still so stuck even if you love them… you do have to ask what’s in the best interest of the client

And I think a lot of times therapists don’t want to admit that it obviously feels good to be admired and loved by your patient. And I think they can get comfortable in that role (kind of like the ~shadow~ part of why people get into this work) and if you’re not keeping it in check, I think things really go south. 

Anyway, I could talk forever about this because I’ve read literally so many books on this topic and also had so much personal experience with it. But I guess I’ll end with the fact that with any other medical professional, if you were not getting better, you would find another provider. You wouldn’t stay with the same provider if after years you were not seeing improvement. And again, I absolutely understand that trauma is tough to deal with and that building trust takes time, and it’s obviously slower than going and getting a quick surgery, but even with all of that, there should be movement and if there’s not, then something should change. 

And therapy is unique because you have both people’s psychologies intertwining in this little dance and what is symbolic becomes super concrete and then neither party wants to leave or admit that it’s not serving its purpose and that although they feel good and nice and connected that is at the core not what therapy is for (at least it can’t *only* be that)

I edited this because it was wordy and confusing and had a lot of typos, so if you had to struggle through the first iteration, I apologize lol

[liarist]

Comedy

Chapter 2: The new work No warnings

I lay face down and looked at my phone. Cleo was messaging me. She sent me more pictures of Hannah and shared her theories. Then Thomas messaged me again. He didn't seem like a very talkative person, or at least not one who initiates conversations. He gave me details of when the hacker, Jake, contacted them. He forwarded me the audio he had sent them. I couldn't help but get up and go where Jake was.

"Didn't it occur to you to use a creepier voice synthesizer than that?" I said to him.

"Excuse me?" he replied.

"You sent them an audio with a ghostly voice; I'm sure that gave them nightmares," I commented.

"Oh, they told you," he said.

"Thomas sent me the audio," I explained.

"There's a reason behind it, I swear," he said. "If it were different, they could easily clean up the audio and recognize my voice."

"I understand now, that explains a lot," I said.

"Do you think you can analyze Hannah's cloud?" Jake asked.

"I'm not the hacker here," I said.

"I'll give you access to her cloud. It's just about finding something that might be useful while I monitor the rest," he said.

"Well, if you give me access, I can do it," I agreed.

"Perfect, the new feature should appear on your phone now."

My phone started ringing; it was Dylan.

"I have a job for you," D said. "Or rather, a list of job proposals. I filtered them according to your interests."

"That's why I adore you, D, but I'm sorry to say that I'm not accepting jobs until further notice," I replied. "The last job left me in a bit of a predicament, so I'm trying to keep a low profile. I'll let you know when I'm back in circulation."

"Is everything okay, R? Do you need help with anything?" D asked.

"Don't worry, it's nothing serious. It's just that the last job was quite flashy, so I had to move around a lot. I'll take this time to relax and go on vacation."

"Well, you deserve it. Let me know if you need anything. I know you have your contacts if you need anything, but I'm not just your partner, I'm your friend, and I'm here for you," he said.

"Thanks, D," I ended the call.

I sent a couple of additional messages to some people and focused back on the rest. I checked Hannah's cloud until I came across a photo. I approached Jake and showed it to him.

"Look, I found this," I said, extending my phone to him. He took it and started examining the photo.

"Did you find it in Hannah's cloud?" Jake asked.

"No, it was next to my semi-nude photos," I replied. "Clearly, I found it in Hannah's cloud."

"You don't have semi-nude photos on your phone," he stated, and I opened my mouth in indignation.

"So, you've already explored my photo gallery?" he opened and closed his mouth several times while shaking his head.

"I didn't see anything; it's just… I assumed… well…" I saw him take a breath and then release it slowly. "What I mean is, I don't think you're the kind of person who keeps that kind of photos in their phone gallery. You seem smarter and more cautious about those things, especially considering the short list of contacts you have and how careful you are with your appearance to avoid being discovered."

"Besides being a hacker, are you a psychologist?" I asked. "Anyone would think you've known me all my life, and it's not like I'm an open book."

"Do you want me to be your psychologist?" he raised an eyebrow.

"If you're into that kind of role-playing, count me in," he blushed completely and focused his gaze on the computer screen. "I think I've found a new hobby."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, I've discovered that I love making you nervous and blush."

"You know it's dangerous, right?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Being associated with me is dangerous; I remind you that the government is after me," he replied.

"My world is equally dangerous, and I've been alone for a long time. I only allow myself to be close to my contacts, and even then, I can't really be close to them. I wouldn't mind having a partner to escape from the world," I smiled.

I left the place to get some food, and when I returned, I served dinner for Jake and me. While eating, I looked at the messages.

Thomas: Hey, am I bothering you?

Rebekah: No, what's up?

Thomas: I was thinking. Now you're part of the group. I thought I'd give you more photos of Hannah. I want you to get to know her as much as possible under the current circumstances. When I think about it now, it sounds just as dumb as it does now…

Thomas's way of writing made me understand how nervous he was. Surely, this whole situation must be taking a toll on him.

Rebekah: Send me the photos.

Thomas: Now I regret it. Regret offering them to you. I was thinking. Maybe it will help you remember. The image you saw of Hannah wasn't the best. And besides, I have her number saved as yours. Many people forget names.

Rebekah: Yes, I do too.

Thomas: All the more reason to send them to you. So, I'll upload them to my profile.

I went to his profile and saw the photos. It was definitely the same Hannah I had met in the forest.

"Jake, should I mention that I saw Hannah in the forest? Or should I keep it to myself?" I asked him.

"It's probably best not to say anything yet. We don't want them to suspect you when you're innocent. It would be a waste of time," he said, and I nodded in agreement.

I continued looking at my phone and came across another photo that caught my attention.

"I found another photo; I'll send it to you through a message," I told him.

"Alright, I'll check it out once we're done here," he said.

Another message arrived.

Jessy: Hi Rebekah. It's Jessy.

Rebekah: Nice to meet you, Jessy.

Jessy: I thought you might have a bad impression of me because I left the chat. I needed some time to think, you know. It's a very strange situation. But now I've changed my mind and want to get to know you.

Rebekah: Can I ask why you changed your mind?

Jessy: I think it's because you're somehow part of our little group. Curiosity, you could call it that. I happen to have some free time to chat right now, but I must warn you: I'm at work, and if Richy comes, I have to hang up.

Rebekah: Are we talking about the same Richy as before?

Jessy: Yes, he's my boss. He runs his parents' workshop called "Rogers Garage." Well, everyone calls it "the car graveyard." I take care of the "office" (the phone, emails, invoices…), everything Richy can't do.

The last part made me laugh; Jessy seemed nice.

Rebekah: The ideal job.

Jessy: You think so? I find it boring. It's just that I have nothing to do right now. But better if Richy doesn't catch me with my phone.

Rebekah: You can relax; I won't tell him anything.

Jessy: Well, now you know more about me. Your turn.

Rebekah: Hmmm, where should I start? Should I make a list like those typical "50 things about me" videos?

Jessy: That would be great! Then I can tell you things in the same realm.

Rebekah: Alright, here we go. I like winter; I don't tolerate heat very well, and I usually get dizzy, so summers are tough for me. I've traveled a lot, and I'm from Chile.

Jessy: I'm more of a summer person, and I love to travel too. I was in Paris first. Oh… Richy is on his way. I have to go.

I started reading a conversation between Cleo and Thomas. I furrowed my brow and spoke to Jake.

"Did I seem too impatient when I asked Thomas if he could send me Hannah's photos, even though he was the one who offered to send them?"

"I don't think Thomas is in the best position to talk about people's appearances" Jake replied.

[greatqueenanna]

Hey, sorry about that Anon that sent you hate about the "Hans is a sociopath" thing, that's not a cool look for the Hans/Helsa fandom and not at all acceptable (and kinda accidentally reinforces the take they hate--that sociopath is just a label assigned to villains arbitrarily). I do want to talk about this though, because your post did make me uncomfortable even though it was well-researched and thought out.

tw: abuse mentions

Personally, I am hesitant to assign that label to Hans because he is a villain/antagonist (that's literally his role in Frozen, I say that as a Hans stan who believes he could be more in the future) and 1) sociopathy is a real behavioral disorder that the narrative will misuse to continue to justify why Hans deserves to be a punching bag, and 2) a lot of the 'sociopathic' behaviors he displays are also behaviors displayed by abuse/neglect victims, and additional content supports that he was abused. "Hans is a sociopath" and "Hans was abused" are equally canon takes that the narrative does not treat respectfully. Which take people "prefer" likely depends on whether and HOW they relate to Hans (or Anna/Elsa).

Jen Lee herself has also said that Hans is a product of being 'raised without love' so in full context, there is uncomfortable territory of "if Hans is a sociopath... does that mean he deserved to be abused and unloved?". Narrative seems to support this as we continually see gag takes of him being hit or purposefully excluded in ways that other villains aren't. I very disagree that Jen Lee "likes" that Hans is a sociopath or is "excited" about it. It reads heavily like justification to keep him Disney's punching bag to me.

I think people need to learn to better articulate what makes them upset/uncomfortable about some takes, instead of jumping to becoming abusive themselves. You can step back, take a breath, analyze and THEN respond in a healthy constructive way, guys. And if you can't, then don't engage at all, it is not worth hurting yourself AND someone else.

I understand your concerns here. This is one of the reasons I reached out to my friend, BG (who is actually diagnosed with ASPD, the DSM-5 name for sociopathy), to ask for his opinion before actually writing my analysis of Hans' character and sociopathy. The comments here and here are from him and are not my own opinions or thoughts. BG is also a psychologist, who works with others who have ASPD. He's knowledgeable on this subject, from personal experience and the experience of others. I also want to say that I myself have worked in Special Education for 6 years, and I am neurodivergent - thus, I want to reassure you that I am not coming at this subject completely new.

I also understand where you're coming from in terms of using the diagnosis as a way to 'misuse to continue to justify why Hans deserves to be a punching bag.' As soon as the label is used, most people become repulsed - including Hans fans. BG and I also both agree that Jennifer Lee obviously romanticized the label when she was writing Hans. She saw it as a way to make Hans more 'interesting' than the usual Disney villains, rather than respecting it as an actual diagnosis. That is what BG meant when he said that Jennifer Lee loves the label - that she finds it cool and takes pride that she was able to include the behavioral elements and have it relate to the overall themes.

You are also correct that Hans is both an abuse victim and a sociopath. Sociopathy is typically the result of abuse, after all, thus it makes sense that he is both. Jennifer Lee also makes this very clear, in the quote you also mentioned. Thus, I do not believe that it was her intention to say that sociopaths deserve to be treated poorly - she just chose to use it as a way to make Hans 'more interesting'. Which is also very problematic, just in a very different way.

However, I'm not trying to be obtuse here - I do realize that Hans was only even considered to be written as a sociopath because he was a villain. Sociopathic behaviors are always associated with villainy, after all. Most of society has an overall lack of understanding from both sides, empaths, and sociopaths. BG explained it well here -

Empaths always make us out to be villains or funny anti-heroes because they can’t fathom our behaviors being used for good. It’s a reality we face, especially in this day and age when feelings and being empathetic dominate the social world. There is no easy way to showcase a sociopath being a hero within empath standards.

I agree that Hans is treated differently. However, I wrote here what the reason for that is, and its not because he is a sociopath (since most casual fans do not even know this aspect of Hans' personality), its because of the realistic implications and emotions of his character, which we still have to acknowledge -

I think the reason for this treatment is because of the uniqueness of Hans’ overall character. Not only was he a twist villain, but he was a romantic interest for Anna - making him a little too realistic for many people. Yes, characters like Frollo and Gaston also share the qualities of men trying to take advantage of women, and Mother Gothel does indeed show signs of a realistic abusive parent. But they’re shown since the beginning that they are villainous, which helps the audience know to emotionally disconnect from them. This is the same for most villains. Hans was shown to be desirable and then changed, which is what realistically happens when people are trapped in abusive relationships. We form attachments to these types of people and it’s hard to just disconnect. It’s difficult to just place him as a 'deliciously fun’ Disney villain with the others when he hits too close to home. This is why we see less of a fun side to him, and why we are often just shown him being a punching bag. Hans didn’t just betray Anna, he betrayed the audience as well.

Hans is overall a very difficult and nuanced character to discuss, not only because of the villainization of ASPD and the lack of acknowledgment of his abuse, but also because of real-life abuse victims who have dealt with people who acted like Hans (with or without ASPD). Thus, it creates this strange limbo with him because both sides are valid here. People who display toxic behaviors (again, with or without ASPD) deserve to have their stories validated, but the people they abused also have the right to be validated as well, and even more so because they didn't do anything wrong to deserve the toxic treatment in the first place. It's a very difficult subject no matter how you choose to approach it.

With all this being said, I understand that it is a very nuanced topic that can be uncomfortable, however, ignoring a canon aspect of Hans' personality and not acknowledging it is just as problematic as treating it as a villainous trait. It shows that we are not willing to actually discuss it, and would rather ignore it because it's easier to.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Hi lys. I hope you're doing well. I wanted to ask what would you advise to someone (me lol) who doesn't know what to do for a career. I have a vague dream of becoming a dancer and actor but it's impossible in my country plus my family won't ever accept it. And idk why but i also don't like attention or fame but to become successful in these fields fame is very important. I asked a psychic about my career and all they say is i should do something creative or follow my dream and that my spirit guides are hell bend on making me follow my dream but it's so pressuring for me that I'm overwhelmed I can't sleep at night at all. I wake up and I'm panicked about what to do. I can't eat at all because my stomach can't digest food due to stress. I once took antidepressant and it was good until it's effect wore off and the psychic warned me not to take it indirectly cause it's like a substance abuse for me according to her and my guides? I'm literally going crazy. I broke down crying infront of my father today due to constant stress and low health. I don't know what to do anymore i mean is it really necessary to follow passion or dream when I don't have any inner strength or motivation to do it at all?

Hey

First of all, let's try to go step by step: you know, to have all these different thoughts and fears and opinions summing up one after the other is adding even more stress to yourself. So, before taking any decisions, try to go slower and take one thing at time. Cause the more you run around a problem with your mind, the more you focus on yourself being lost and having no answer (and needing one asap), the more your mind makes up stuff and the more you feel overwhelmed and find it harder to find a solution, and then you get a burnout and break down (as you did). Your energies (inner strenght) are focused on overthinking your problem and finding more issues to this problem, so you cannot use them to create clarity nor to work for your dream or anything else. You have to change this if you want to get to a solution.

Find any way you can to take some time off from all this stress, to separate your thoughts from your main problem: staying there won't help you find any solution but just add to your stress and mine your health even more. So please for a while, don't think about your problem, about running out of time, about what you should do or don't. Simply try to find a moment of peace and come back to yourself. To your core, to your body. Focus on you. Maybe do some breathing exercises, follow a guided meditation, try the 54321 exercise... Do any hobby you feel like doing, even just try to nap. You need to be in a better mental and physical state to make important decisions. We cannot make decisions while we're so anxious, stressed, angered or even too happy or excited: any excess of emotion can cloud our mind in a way or another. So try to find time to ground yourself. You have time to follow any career path you want, but you need to be in yourself to make a proper choice, to regain clarity. Right now, seen your state, it would be impossible and useless to make any choice. You need to take care of your person first. So again meditate, take a walk, do anything to calm yourself. Do not give yourself a timing, you're not running out of time to make any decision, it's fine even if you take a whole week for yourself or more. Your personal health comes before anything and now you really need to care about it. When you notice you can sleep, eat again properly and do anything else with a calmer mind, go back to your problem and start analyzing things as follows. (Ofc if you cannot make it alone, please ask for help. Be it to a trusted friend or even a professional figure as a therapist or a psychologist. These people can help you navigate your emotions in a more accurate and proper way and help you find a way out this stress more easily... and also give you the necessary support as in meds, if you really need them -I'll get back to this point).

Please again, it's important: don't do answer what follows now, it will just bring more stress and your answers may not be accurate but dictated by your present mental situation and anxiety (and your need to find answers asap -rush is never a friend, in this case even less). Calm your mind first, ground yourself.

You mentioned having a vague dream of becoming a dancer/actor. So what are the reasons for this? What do you want to obtain? You said you don't feel like staying under the spotlight/having fame, so there must be another reason. Do you like these two endeavours? Are you passionate about them? Do you wake up and your first thought is to dance and act? And it goes on through your day? You can only watch videos of people dancing and acting, and you like studying them and what they do? Be objective in answering, let your fears aside for a moment and talk with your heart. Cause if you do this, if you can only think about dancing and acting, then yes, you should totally follow your dream. GIve it a try, despite it being impossible in your country and fearing your parents reactions (do you really think this or are you just trying to block yourself in fear of making it? -maybe it's not your case but it happens; it's a rooted mental pattern of self sabotaging that many of us end up into: we take any little detail we may read around or hear as a proof for our fears and we let them hinder us). You're here to live your life, and if you live to dance and acting, then at least give yourself the chance to try. You never know what doors can open up for you.

Back to you saying you don't like fame or attention. Why is it so? You rather not shine and staying in the dark? Do you fear being judged by others (maybe by your family more: you may fear disappointing them. You know... sometimes it's just a fear, some others it's something we need to do to make ourself happy and we can only hope they will understand one day), or you fear having haters (which ofc the more you get out of your shell the more you'll find: these people are just envious people or project their fears onto you. Let them say what they want cause it's not about you but about themselves, and know you will have all the help to "fight" them anyway). Is this fear of being under the spotlight a real thing (maybe you're shy or you have some social anxiety that you need to overcome or work through, or you fear being seen by others) or are you trying to add another reason to the list of "I'm not trying this cause I won't ever make it"? As in "I don't have the strenght to actually work for my dream, cause it's impossible and I am not good enough to make it". This is a valid feeling if all your life you've been experiencing being let down and not having received much, having got many no's, having had to overwork to get praised, for example. But trust me that you can work and do things you don't imagine you ever could, in order to make real something you really want to. So if it's fear of putting into some work, of failing a few times before making it, of having to do it alone and against everyone, yeah you're have all the reasons to feel that way. But you also need to be real with yourself. To tell yourself the truth. Not find other excuses or easy ways out. And again, if you really have a dream and want to pursue a certain career, then give yourself the chance to try it. Be clear with yourself: it's gonna take effort, it's gonna be hard, you'll have to work, you may even make mistakes and fail many times before making it, but if you don't give up and start believing in yourself, you will make it. How much do you really want dancing and acting? How much are you willing to give in order to get there?

Ofc if your answers aren't about really wanting to be a dancer or actor (maybe you don't have messages you want to convey throught these endeavour or whatever else), then find time to connect with yourself, check within what are the things and talents you feel are more related with you (is there anything that comes easy to you? Again, be objective, don't play yourself down). Or if there's any other career you find interesting or fascinating. Don't fear having to put in work, having to fail or anything: this is something you'll always have to do for any type of career you'll choose, so don't let this block you or you won't really make any move in any direction ever.

I read you mentioned talking with a psychic and I'm not judging their work ofc (I'm one myself) but when it comes to meds as antidepressant you should ask to professionals in those fields imho: if a psychologist or therapist suggest you a cure as a support to your healing process with them, then sure follow what they prescibe you and keep talking with them about your results or if you need to change something about it. Just don't take stuff randomly by yourself (maybe cause a friend has a certain prescription) cause that would really be unhealthy and counterproductive. A cure in mental field is effective only if it's done on your own person, it needs to be specific for you. Seen that you're into spirituality, I would also remind you to keep in mind these days we have venus and mercury retrogades (until the beginning and half September): this means our minds and insecurities (past stuff) and relationships and finances being under huge stress and it's not the right moment to make important decisions as stress is high and we may be pretty unbalanced. But this is an addition to what I mentioned above.

Hope this can bring some help. Take care of you. All the best<3

---edit:

Try also to understand why you need to rush yourself towards a career asap. What is pushing you there? Do you need independence and the feeling of safety you can get through it, do you need money, or someone else is trying to push you to make something out of your life (family/society: remember there's not a fixed age to find a job nor to get married or do anything. It's a false belief)? If you need money ofc, you can try any career and switch maybe later on to another you like more, but if that's not your need... why the rush?

[aphilosopherchair]

Vampire Psychologist For Hire

Human recruiter filling position for psychologist:

You left your gender checkbox blank. It's our fault that the system controls were not fully in place, but I do expect meticulousness from my psychologists.

Vampire graduate who majored in human psychology:

My pronouns are they/them.

Human recruiter:

Ah! I really have to tell the technical team to update the form. I have absolutely no problem with your gender identity or your species. But you only have textbook and secondhand insights into human psychology.

Unlike human psychologists, you don't know what it feels on the inside to be human. Observations and textbook knowledge don't tell you everything. Many things are left unspoken.

Vampire graduate:

While I cannot pretend to know exactly how it feels to be a human, I am willing to work as hard as I can to try to understand the complexities of the human mind and heart, perhaps even harder than the average human candidate. Through studying human literature, observing my own relationships with humans, and developing a strong emotional bond with my human friends and classmates, I have already developed a deep appreciation and understanding of the human psyche that goes beyond mere textbook knowledge or casual observations. While there are certain aspects of the human experience that I do not share, I am confident that my empathy and dedication to the field of psychology more than make up for any lack of firsthand experience.

Human recruiter:

Why should I recruit you when I can just recruit a human top scorer with the same grades?

Vampire graduate:

While a human with the same qualifications may also have a great understanding of humans, they are likely to be inherently biased by their own perspective. I, however, also have the advantage of being able to objectively analyze humans' strengths, weaknesses, and motivations from an outsider perspective.

Additionally, as a member of a paranormal race, I have the ability to manipulate human minds and feelings to improve mental well-being.

Human recruiter:

Mind manipulation? By now, you're stark raving bonkers! How do I know you won't put it to bad use?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand the importance of being self-aware and responsible when it comes to my ability to manipulate the emotions and actions of others. I take care to only use this power in situations where it is necessary or beneficial, and to never misuse it for personal gain or at the expense of others. I also make sure to seek consent before using my ability on individuals, and I always prioritize their safety, comfort, and well-being.

Human recruiter:

That's what you'd say of course. I have no reason to trust you.

Vampire graduate:

I understand your skepticism and reticence. In a world dominated by humans, it is often difficult for vampires like myself to be seen as anything other than predators or manipulative. However, while it may be challenging, this does not mean that it is impossible for you to trust me. In the end, trust is built through communication and understanding, which is why I have been open and honest with you about my ability to manipulate minds and my intentions in using this ability.

Trust is also earned over time. I think if you give me a chance to prove myself on the job, with ample supervision at the start, you will be able to put aside your hesitations about working with a vampire by and by. The best way to find out if i'm good at my job is not through urban legends, groundless hearsay or unscientific mob opinion but to give me a shot and see how things work out.

I can even agree to a contract outlining specific guidelines for how I will use my vampire abilities, and what steps we can take to ensure that my mind manipulation is always used in a beneficial way.

Human recruiter:

Hmmm. Excellent pitch. But it sounds too good to be true. For one thing, I need to review the clinical evidence and adverse effects records later. And why should I be the first to hire a vampire as a psychologist? I prefer someone tried and tested.

Vampire graduate:

If you would like to work with experienced practitioners, that is certainly your prerogative. However, it is often beneficial to have a fresh perspective on a problem, and working with a vampire psychologist can provide that. Please consider what I have to offer.

Human recruiter:

It's true. We have clients who remain unyielding to all the therapy regimes out there. Psychology has improved by leaps and bounds but is still an inexact science. We do need fresh ideas.

Vampire graduate:

Please also remember other positive traits of the vampire race. For example, I can live for millennia in the absence of mishaps. During my long lifespan, I can examine numerous times more clients than human colleagues are capable of. The synergistic effect of that extensive experience and my unique perspective will empower me to generate breakthroughs in therapeutic innovations.

Human recruiter:

Cool, but the manner in which you're comparing yourself against your human colleagues before you even start your job is concerning. Psychologists are not melodramatic lone heroes. We often need to engage in teamwork with one another in order to serve clients in a therapeutic setting. This can be in the form of team discussions about a client's treatment plan or case, collaboration on the research of a particular issue or hypothesis, or even simply supporting each other as we help clients through treatment. Are you sure you'll be a good team player?

Vampire graduate:

That is a valid point. I apologize for the misimpression. While professional independence is important, collaboration and teamwork are equally essential. I don't view my vampire heritage as something that makes me better or worse than my colleagues, it's simply a part of who I am and a source of unique strengths and flaws. As a member of the greater psychological community, I am committed to collaborating with my colleagues to help our clients in the best possible way. Thank you for the reminder to be a supportive team player.

Human recruiter:

OK. A critical question: HOW do I know you won't succumb to the temptation of your overworked co-workers' and vulnerable clients' blood? You may have excellent grades for your degrees in human psychology, but what about vampire psychology? I can risk neither the life of whichever assessor I assign for your probationary period nor those of all the appointees you see in the reception area outside, who have entrusted their welfare to our practice.

Vampire graduate:

I can understand that the possibility of a vampire drinking human blood is a concern, especially in a field like psychology that works so closely with humans. However, you have nothing to worry about in that regard. I have testimonials from my professors—

Human recruiter:

Ah, yes. But the academic world is nothing like the messy real world of full-time working adults. Our educational system in Typingland is so infantile it requires hardly any practical experience like internships to earn a PsyD. Your self-control may be stretched to its limits by manipulative patients, vitriolic parents and unsuccessfully forestalled suicides, although I must say most clients in our practice are incredibly sweet in spite of their personal difficulties.

Vampire graduate:

The work of psychologists is indeed strenuous. Nevertheless, my lifestyle has given me a strong foundation for coping with the stress.

Human recruiter:

The lifestyle of a vampire?

Vampire graduate:

As a vampire, I understand that I have certain physical and psychological needs, but I have taken many steps to ensure that these are met in a safe and ethical way that don't involve living humans. My physical needs can be met through a diet of donated blood, while my emotional needs can be met through strong professional boundaries, self-care practices, and maintaining a strong support network.

I regularly engage in personal wellness practices such as meditation and physical activity to maintain my emotional and mental vitality. I also check in with my psychologist for vampires at least once a month, adjusting the frequency with the stress I experience and the intensity of the blood thirst at any given time. This helps to provide a safe space for me to express and process my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It also gives me the opportunity to practice managing my blood thirst through a variety of behavioral and mindfulness techniques.

If you would like, I can arrange for my psychologist to send you an evaluation report.

Human recruiter:

I'm deeply impressed. (Claps and shakes head in awe.) I must say that I've never met a candidate, human or vampire, with your level of dedication. Quite a number of the psychologists I know have undergone depression themselves in the course of this emotionally draining and underpaid work but were late in seeking professional intervention. They need to learn a thing or two from newbies like you.

Vampire graduate:

Oh, why, thank you!

Human recruiter:

However—I'm afraid our clientele and the public won't share my sentiments.

You may think I've been demanding and prejudiced, but the others? They won't even sit down like this to sift through your personal history or examine your well-crafted arguments. Public attention to the fanciful layers and facets, okay, just layers and facets, to marginalized demographics like yours has been fleeting to start with and pretty much vaporized in a Tiktokified economy. Social media?? It's a wasteland made up of countless virtual enclaves out there. Every phone zombie just scrolls past news and advocacy messages that don't amuse them or address their own problems. And algorithms?? Gawd! Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started. On. Algorithms.

What people out there will get with their precious microseconds for us, though, is that our practice is employing a dangerous and powerful person, if they would even see you as a person at all, to work on fragile humans in despair.

Look, we don't need bloody fangs and the bat wing stuff to further complicate the ongoing uphill battle of getting psychological condition sufferers to walk through our doors.

Welp . . . I'm sorry for my bluntness. I tend to let down my guard when I'm not in front of clients. You're a fine young vampire who deserves better.

Vampire graduate:

(Momentary silence.)

(Soars over to fan human recruiter with their bat wings while slightly frowning to themselves.)

Those are indeed tough challenges. How about this? Let's start by offering virtual sessions for clients who would feel more comfortable initially meeting with me through a video conference. This can help to gradually introduce me to them in a non-threatening environment and allow them to get to know me better before they agree to meet in person.

We can complement that with an on-site "try-out" session for clients who remain hesitant to work with me or lack technological access or digital literacy. A try-out session could involve a brief, low-stakes meeting where clients can meet me, ask questions, and get a sense of my approach before deciding whether to continue with therapy. This can help to build trust and rapport with them, and give them a chance to see that I am interested in helping them and can provide effective treatment.

As we graduate to proper therapy sessions and make good progress on cases, we can highlight statistics, success stories and testimonials from past clients who have worked with me, and emphasize my ability to provide effective treatment. That is, with their consent and proper anonymization of course. Given your practice's reputation for integrity, the credibility of anonymized feedback should not be a problem.

Perhaps, I can even make up for the reputation risk at the beginning by offering fun, one-of-a-kind indoor levitation experiences that are a soother of the nerves and a break from the mundaneness of everyday life. The experiences would also attract potential clients otherwise resistant to treatment because of public perceptions of psychotherapists as rigid doctrine-driven professionals, who they think won't understand their unique struggles and decision rationale, like reasons for investing all their time in an unstable line of work or sticking with a violent spouse. They are stress relievers no one can find in self-help books or chat responses from even the best of AI technology!

Human recruiter:

W—ow. I'm tempted to try that levitation myself. I have to think about your proposals and discuss them with the others.

There's just one last thing that I don't understand, and anyone, whatever the temperature of their blood, can sense this coming from miles away.

Vampire graduate:

Please go ahead.

Human recruiter:

Why a career in human psychology? Wouldn't you face less discrimination and be more at home with vampire psychology?

Vampire graduate:

I've always been fascinated by humans and their unique abilities to adapt and survive without paranormal powers, especially the human capacity for empathy. It's been my dream since I was young to study the human mind, to explore the depths of their emotions and figure out what truly motivates them.

Many people think that clinical counselling is about entering broken minds, but it is simultaneously about tapping the power of the marvelous human stores of mental resilience, mental flexibility and boundless optimism.

The wonders and possibilities of human psychology energize me. They keep me going every day despite the uncertainties of my chosen career path and the suspicion and taunts I get. I am one of those who believe that you can flourish in the long term only if you are emotionally invested in what you do.

Human recruiter:

Even if you don't end up on our team, I have no regrets taking time to interview you. It's been a great pleasure exploring the awe-inspiring sides and possible futures of our field with you. This sounds cliché but I sincerely mean it: I wish you the very best in your psychologist career.

Cast

Human recruiter Human (with two AI -dubbed lines)

Vampire graduate AI (with human stand-ins in various instances)

[tasty-pastry06]

“Medicalized Discrimination in Black and African Mental Health Care”

Introduction to this work:

I wrote this during my junior year of college, working in a directed study for one of my professors. Please tell me what you think and offer suggestions to further my research. Thanks <3

Mae Cowles 

“Medicalized Discrimination in Black and African Mental Health Care”

Spring 2024 Directed Study

Introduction:

Over the last several decades, the acceptance of mental health ailments has become increasingly prominent within our society. More people are becoming comfortable discussing their mental health conditions with friends, family, and even co-workers. With this, there has been increasing research on mental health conditions such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. Over the last several decades psychology as a discipline has grown and prospered. With many advancements in the diagnosis of illnesses and acceptance of mental health, the field has progressed making mental health more acceptable to discuss. While the field has shown such great progress in providing proper care to patients, Black psychology is often not considered and is frequently missing from academia within the psychology field. The Black experience is very different from the white one, therefore, there should not be a generalized, white, approach to the understanding of the mind or how specific mental ailments are treated. Systemic, institutional, and medical racism has prevented the ability of Black and African people to get the resources they need to maintain their mental health and receive care for any conditions that an individual might have. Lack of funding in Black psychology, and the lack of support for the Black community's mental health is a grand-scale issue that needs a resolution. Since the beginning of colonialism, we can see that there are disparities, distrust, and misrepresentation in the medical field when it comes to the way our current system treats Black and African individuals. The distrust stems from medical experimentation during the enslavement of the African people, while also being shown in the current medical system where there is the current issue of medicalized racism. Medicalized racism can be defined as the use of agency and power of doctors and nurses to mistreat, abuse, and neglect their patients. This includes the mental health care system as well as the medical system. 

Through analyzing Black literature and research articles, we can see that there are large discrepancies in the lack of research opportunities and mental health care, and the blatant discriminatory practices within medical institutions when it comes to Black and African individuals. These discrepancies, along with racial bias have led to individuals experiencing high levels of depression and suicidal ideation. Depression is a major health concern for Black and African individuals aged 12 years and older (Madubata et al. 2018). By reviewing the evidence that previous research has shown and analyzing the work that Black psychologists are currently doing within the field, we can recognize the discrepancies that are currently taking place. Following this, we can then look to the past to discover how history has led us to medicalized racism, the historical context of racism in medicine, and the distrust of the mental health institution and medical system. Finally, we can review the solutions and resources that we can make present within the field to make it so Black and African Americans can reach out for care and also feel more welcome as practitioners and care providers, helping solve the issue of distrust within the mental health institution while allowing those who need help to feel welcome to receive care without judgment.  

Significance:

While doing my research on medical biases in Black and African mental health care, I took into consideration why I wanted to research this topic. I asked myself a variety of questions, the biggest one being, “Am I doing this for the right reasons?” as well as, “How will this research affect the cultures/ communities that I am researching?” I will never understand the complexities of what it means to be a person of color, but I do understand how misrepresentation and underrepresentation affect the care and services communities are receiving. As well as why they may not be receiving the care they deserve and need. Growing up, I was always told to never discuss the color of someone’s skin, as it does not matter, it only matters the kind of person that they are. If they are nice, kind, thoughtful, considerate, that’s all that matters. This idea made it difficult for me to talk about race growing up, it also made it difficult for me to recognize and speak up to discrimination that I saw in my small rural town. As I got older, I realized that staying silent was doing more harm, and in a way, the silence was solidifying the racism that I was seeing around me. Within my time as an undergraduate psychology student, with my limited real-world experience, I have begun to see how much diversity the field of psychology is missing. This is not just within my small SUNY school 45 minutes outside of Rochester, this is within the entire field of psychology from clinical to cognitive psychology, there is a large gap in the diversity of clinicians and within those who are receiving clinical care. 

Research Method:

The articles I used were found primarily in The Journal of Black Psychology, which provided research from Black and African psychologists who are experts in the mental health field within the Black and African community. As this is a secondary research study that used qualitative data as its primary evidence, a longer and more thorough search for articles had to be conducted, focusing more on quantitative data. Some sources were collected via SUNY Geneseo’s Fraser Hall Library databases, specifically “psychARTICLES”, which helped locate any missing information and data surrounding depression rates and the long-term effects of racism. This showed how the negative connotation that surrounds the Black community affects Black individuals in the long term of their mental health. The literary review process involved sorting and analyzing sources that surrounded Black depression, racism, PTSD, and the history surrounding the healthcare system abusing Black and African people for experimentation. The history of these conditions led back to the enslavement of the African people and thus is continued today through more secretive exploitation on the institutional level.  The review of the sources then found that there is a correlation between consistent racism that is expressed openly.

Historical Context: 

Colonialism brought on many blatantly racist practices that are still affecting our society today. In her book “The Medical Apartheid,” Harriet Washington describes the horrific medical experimentation that has taken place since the enslavement of the African people into the current era. Notable studies include the Tuskegee Alabama Syphilis Study, the collection of HeLa cells from Henrietta Lacks, studies that involve linking the genetics of Black and Hispanic boys to violence, and new research about the disparities between care during the COVID-19 Pandemic. These types of experiments and research designs have been used in anti-black literature since the enslavement period. These experiments attempted to frame Black and African people as non-human and “uncivilized.” These disgusting acts of experimentation have led to a great divide in the medical systems in terms of discrepancies between the race and identity of patients. Many of these experiments led to wrongful mindsets in terms of how to care for Black and African patients. Still, they consistently spread false narratives of how Black and African bodies react to pain, childbirth, and even certain diseases and acute illnesses. The studies that Washington brings into the spotlight show that there is an underground problem of unethical experimentation, not just from the distant past. In 1992, Columbia University endorsed an experiment where psychological researchers attempted to link violence to genetics. Within this study, they recruited 126 Black and Hispanic boys ages 6-10, who had brothers within the New York State justice system. In this experiment, many ethical boundaries were crossed. The researchers used a drug that was not approved for children, Fenfluramine, which has been linked to severe heart complications in adults. The researchers wanted to use Fenfluramine as it affected the levels of serotonin within the central nervous system. At lower levels of serotonin, there are higher levels of aggression. Combined with the unethical nature of the experiment itself, and the nature of attempting to correlate genetics to violence using children of color, has racist implications for the researchers, and Columbia University. 

 Accompanying the experimental aspect of health disparities, there is also a large discrepancy in who receives better health care within our current institution.  The displacement of the African people through forced migration still affects our modern society. This is representative of the racism that is embedded in the current institutions of today. Individual and institutional practices of racism are facilitating a lack of care and belonging within our current society. This includes the medical system. During the COVID-19 pandemic, research found that Black, Hispanic, and indigenous groups were the ones hit the hardest by the virus. Economically disadvantaged areas were the ones that were affected the most. These are the inner city and lower-income areas around the United States (Reyes 2020). Along with this in 2018, 11.7% of Black and African individuals living in the United States were found to not have health insurance, this is compared to 7.5% of white individuals (Reyes 2020). The gap increased after the pandemic. 

Unethical medical practices can also be found in the case of Henrietta Lacks, a cancer patient whose cells were collected, studied, and sold to invest in cancer research without consent from the patient or the patient's family. In the book, “The Immoral Life of Henrietta Lacks,” Rebecca Skloot reviews every significant detail about life, diagnosis, death, and the current cells of Henrietta Lacks. In 1951, Henrietta was diagnosed with epidermoid carcinoma of the cervix, stage 1 (Skloot 2010). Henrietta’s case was nothing new to doctors who were practicing during this era of her life. Many doctors used patients for research without their knowledge. “Scientists believed that since patients were treated for free in the public wards, it was fair to use them as research subjects as a form of payment,” (Skloot 2010). TeLinde, Henrietta’s doctor, was known to be one of the best cancer doctors in the country, he was also well known to be a researcher as well and wanted to find a way to end unnecessary hysterectomies and cervical cancer deaths for women as well. TeLinde a colleague of his by the name of George Gey, and his wife Margret who were seeking to grow cancer cells out of the body and find a cure to cancer in the process. 

When Henrietta died, her body was in a “colored” freezer, and no obituary was written for her, and her husband did not give consent for an autopsy to be performed. This form of autopsy was illegal at the time it was performed and went against the doctor's code of conduct. Dr. Gey went in and collected as many living “immoral” cells as possible to see if they would grow (Skloot 2010). These cells are still being experimented with and continue to be used in research. 

Many marginalized races are afraid to be the next Henrietta Lacks. John Hopkins University on their website still calls the collection of her cells a “donation.” Henrietta’s story was brought into the public eye in 1973 when the Lacks family found out about the cells still reproducing. These unethical practices of research and experimentation are consistently occurring within our society today and make marginalized groups feel like they are at risk in an institution that is meant to make them feel safe and provide the best medical care possible. Due to the lack of trust within the medical institution, the medical disparities that are occurring are perpetuating inadequacy in every aspect of medical care, including mental health care. 

In a study done by Gomez (2015), she stated that “Black Americans’ experience of inequality is distinct from that experienced by other cultural minorities due to slavery and subsequent laws that relegated Blacks to lowered status (e.g., second-class citizenship).” This is shown within the medical system as well. In a study done by Townsend and Belgrave (2007), they found that “African Americans have much higher disease and death rates than other racial and ethnic groups in this country.”  Gomez (2015), also stated that “Ethnic minorities generally receive poorer quality care and also experience greater psychological distress.” This increases the mortality rate for Black and African individuals as well as increasing the amount of distrust that these communities have for the medical institution.   

When reviewing the causes of the distrust of the medical community, it is important to remember the root causes of these beliefs that the Black and African communities hold concerning the medical institution. The enslavement of the African people is the beginning of the distrust of institutions. Harriet Washinton describes how Black and African individuals were used as experimental tools in the healthcare system. Washington says, “Physicians were active participants in the exploitation of African American bodies. The records reveal that slaves were both medically neglected and abused because they were powerless and legally invisible,” (Washington 30). 

In terms of how the mental health sector of health has been historically, it comes from the APA, American Psychological Association. The APA during the 1960s, was not very supportive of conducting and supporting Black and African research efforts. In retaliation, a new research initiative was founded, the Association of Black Psychologists, or ABP. “The American Psychological Association (APA) has not related to the needs of the Black community; (2) APA has used the Black community as a resource for research and has never utilized its resources to assist the Black community in overcoming the effects of white racism; and (3) APA has failed to utilize its resources to eradicate racism within the white community.” (Williams 2008). The ABP currently funds psychological research for Black and African scholars and tries to increase the number of Black and African students within the psychology field. Racism in medicine has been going on since the beginning of time and it is no secret that it is going on today. In the contemporary times of medicine, it is easy to see that there is a clear discrepancy between the care of white patients and Black and African patients. It is just not as obvious to outsiders of this treatment as it used to be. 

Depression and Suicide: 

While the stigma surrounding mental health has begun to fade away, there is still a cultural and societal shame in discussing mental illness and ailments. This is significant within the Black and African communities specifically. As stated previously, depression is a major health concern for Black and African individuals aged 12 years and older (Madubata et al. 2018). Despite the focus on reducing mental health inconsistencies for Black and African Americans and citizens, these discrepancies continue, contributing to reduced access to mental health care (Gomez 2015). It has also been found that those whose families can be traced back to the enslavement of the African people have a larger distrust of institutions and the system as a whole. Self-stigma from discrimination and racial biases has been shown to create a barrier to seeking care within the medical system. The psychological burden of discrimination has been known to be extremely harmful and pervasive in terms of creating internalized stress, and frequent exposure to racism and discrimination leads to race-related stressors that can cause physiological harm (Madubata et al. 2018).  Interpersonal and environmental “microaggressions” also serve as mediators for depression, low self-esteem, and suicidal ideation. The health status and life satisfaction of marginalized communities continue to fall behind the white population (Townsend and Belgrave 2009). This includes physical and mental health. Depression rates for Black Americans are as high as 13% for lifetime prevalence and up to 8% for 12-month prevalence (Madubata et al. 2018). Black and African women are 1.5 times more likely to develop depressive symptoms compared to men as well. 

As it has been shown, racism and discriminatory practices have enabled self-hatred within the Black and African communities. As a consequence of the way that the physical health system treats the Black and African communities, these communities are also not trusting the mental health sector of healthcare as well. Mental health and the acceptance of mental illness within society as a whole, have had increasingly more positive connotations within society. When it comes to the care of these mental illnesses and health care practices as a whole within the Black and African communities, the disparities become more apparent.  It has been shown repeatedly that depression has been the most common reason for suicide among Black and African teens. In a study done by Barnes (2006), “According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), between 1980 and 1995, [suicide] rates for African American youth aged 15 to 19 increased 128% compared to 19% for whites “ Due to the cultural connotations that also surround suicide and depression within certain communities, there is also some individuals who deny that suicide and depression are issues that are a continuous problem within certain communities. Madubata et al. (2018), it was found that racial discrimination was correlated to depressive symptoms for young African-American adults. “Research suggests that racial discrimination is among the most psychologically harmful and pervasive stressors unique to African American young adults” (Madubata et al. 2018). 

The reason racial discrimination is such a large component within the contexts for suicide and depression among Black and African individuals is because of how many aspects of a person's depression affect mentality and perception. First, you have the self-esteem component that depression and helplessness harm. Self-esteem can be described as the way someone sees themselves, it is a person’s self-worth. Once you take away the self-esteem that an individual has, it can lead to a feeling of helplessness. “Helplessness is one type of cognitive appraisal that can emerge when the individual perceives certain events as uncontrollable and ceases any pursuit for change” (Madubata et al. 2018). When a person feels worthless, suicidal ideation can occur. As white Americans do not have to face the same systemic barriers as Black and African Americans do, it is no wonder their rates of depression and suicide are lower. Nobles (2013), described the complexity of psychological damage for the Black and African people to be a “notion for derailment.” The derailment that she is speaking of can be considered to be a metaphor for a train derailment. The train continues to move even when it is off its track. “The cultural and psychological derailment of the African people is hard to detect because African life and experience continues,” (Nobles 2013). 

“Black Girl”: African Suicide: 

The film “Black Girl” by Ousmane Sembene, describes the experience of a young Senegalese woman by the name of Diouana who commits suicide due to the awful treatment that her host family puts upon her. This treatment is so horrific that Diouana feels stuck in her situation, unable to move from the treatment of this family, that she would rather choose death over working for this family any longer. The film represents what has been described as the “agony of the post-colonial experience.” The first time that the audience is introduced to Diouana, she is seen as a quiet girl who needs to work to supply her family with money. To do this, various other young girls in the film are seen begging rich white families to take them in as maids and nannies. Diouana is the only one seen not begging for a family to “rescue” her. Her mistress, or employer, sees the difference between Diouana and the other young girls and asks her to come to work for her family. Diouana accepts the position and leaves Dakar to work in France. This is seen as an act of forced migration in a way. Diouana has to leave to supply for her family, even if she does not want to leave her mother, she knows it is the right thing to do. 

Within the film, we never hear Diouana speak directly to the audience, we only hear her thoughts. At the beginning of the film, Diouana expresses joy in leaving for France. She expects to be able to see more of the world and experience the lights and glamour of Paris. Her host family promises her the ability to have days off and visit around the country freely. “The mistress told me, ‘You’ll see, Diouana, there are lovely shops in France.’ Is France a black hole?” (Sembene, O. (Director). (1966). Black Girl [Film].) The home she is working in becomes more like a prison and she has not been able to leave the small apartment, while simultaneously, not being paid for the work that has been provided to the wealthy family. As the film continues we hear Diouana’s thoughts become darker and darker. “I am their prisoner. I don't know anyone here. No one in my family is here. That’s why I’m their slave.” (Sembene, O. (Director). (1966). Black Girl [Film].) 

Toward the end of the film, Diouana is seen actively having a mental health crisis. The host family during this time was tired of her being “lazy” and spending her time sleeping. Meanwhile, Diouana was becoming increasingly depressed in her current state of living due to being overworked in responsibilities that her not her own and being compensated for her work. The mistress’s husband attempts to pay Diouana what she is owed allegedly, 20,000 francs. As Diouana is handed the money, she collapses on the floor and starts to cry. “Never again will the mistress scold me. Never again will they say, ‘Diouana make me coffee.’ Never again, ‘Diouana, make rice.’ Never again, ‘Diouana take off your shoes.’ Never again, ‘Diouana, wash this shirt.’ Never again, ‘Diouana, you’re lazy.’ Never will I be a slave.” (Sembene, O. (Director). (1966). Black Girl [Film].) Diouana says these things repeatedly. She was emphasizing the point that no one will ever be able to hurt her like this ever again. Reverting to the “agony of the post-colonial experience,” even after the abolition of the enslavement era, you can see that it still has a stronghold on her and how she refuses to view herself as a slave to her Mistress. Being enslaved by the host family, held captive in France, was no longer an option. Diouana did not have the means of money or a plane ticket to go home. She saw death as the way to return to Dakar and her mother as well. Diouana packed her things into a suitcase, styled her hair, went into the bathroom, and took her own life.

“Black Girl”, is a cinematic representation of what the Black and African communities are dealing with in our society today. Sembene wrote this film with the premise of showing how these communities were being treated and how they were feeling, including the impacts of the enslavement era and how the effects are perpetuated into the present era. The racist treatment of the Mistress followed by the silence of her husband in regards to the treatment shows how society reacts to racism, even today. The white aggressor is represented by the Mistress, and the consistent verbal attacks that she makes toward Diouana represent the hate speech that Black and African individuals hear daily. The husband represents the silent bystander, while not directly saying racist things, standing with the white aggressor by not speaking out against the hate speech. This is seen consistently within our society and our institutions, and it does lead to the increase of Black and African suicide demographics. 

Cultural Humility vs. Cultural Competency: 

When looking at the data, statistics, and art that has been created by this extenuating social problem that has yet to be solved, it is clear that there is a problem within our society. Mental health is a significant factor in predicting the outcomes of people. If there is poor mental health you can hypothesize there are going to be poor outcomes in life satisfaction and happiness as well. With this in mind, we can also conclude that based on high depression and suicide rates for Black and African patients, it is important that empathy and support are provided to these patients who do seek care. In my definition, cultural competency can be defined as the bare minimum, almost stereotypical, understanding of cultures outside of your own. These stereotypes and biases affect the way that clinicians, psychiatrists, doctors, and nurses view and treat patients. Every person has implicit biases, the biases that we all hold unconsciously. They can affect our perception of the world and make us judge things and individuals differently because they are unfamiliar. Having an understanding from the perspective of being culturally humble, or practicing cultural humility, can help us better understand our patients and become better care providers to those who have different beliefs, values, and experiences. Cultural humility is the practice of understanding you are an outsider to the communities you are not a part of. Attempting to learn about the patient's values, beliefs, and experiences, along with practicing trauma-informed care, can help form a better relationship with the patient and allow for the best practice of care to be displayed. Practicing cultural humility during regular interactions with patients can help communities feel more welcome in receiving the care that they deserve and allow them to feel welcome within medical spaces. 

Cultural humility can also be established by allowing for more diversity in the healthcare field, especially when it comes to who is receiving equal opportunities to enter the medical field, both in physical and mental health. 12% of college psychology majors are Black, but they make up only 7.1% of individuals enrolled in doctoral programs (Luebbe, A. M., & Ogbaselase, F. A., Training and Education in Professional Psychology, Vol. 12, No. 4, 2018). Allowing for equal opportunities in education can allow for more equitable care in the medical institution. Being taken care of by someone who may share a similar experience, takes away the anxiety that one might feel when asking for help. Asking for help is never easy, asking for help from someone who understands, makes it significantly easier. 

Solutions to Discrimination and Racism in Mental Health:

Due to a lack of funding within Black Psychology, there are limited solutions that are offered to help lower the effects of Black and African suicide, depression, and the overall lack of care that is overtaking the mental health care system. However, psychologists and sociologists can do the work to overcome this challenge. This starts with an increase in educational and research opportunities for Black and African students who want to work in the psychology field. Shrinking the gap in educational opportunities between white and Black students can help us create a more equitable society overall. Allowing for an equal distribution of opportunities, scholarships, grants, and research funding can help us do more research on key topics such as suicide and depression, thus creating solutions sooner. The more we educate, the more individuals learn about the world around them. The discussion of race within classroom settings is another key component. The fear of talking about race is irrational. We need to discuss the differences and individuality within society to also discuss the inequality that is taking place. Being afraid to talk about race, and taking on the bystander role to the white aggressor is allowing racism to continue infecting our system and institutions. Finally, we need to take action and set in place policies that enforce equal treatment within with medical system for mental health care. Due to the nature of mental health care, it is difficult to analyze every aspect of patient care. All members of the care team need to connect better and interact at a level that holds them accountable for any unethical actions. The code of ethics for therapists, social workers, and doctors looks very different when comparing them. Establishing proper care management can hold every member accountable, providing the best care to the patient based on their condition. 

Conclusion:  

Over the last several decades, the discussion of mental health illness has become easier for individuals to talk openly about. However, there is a large discrepancy between the care of Black and African individuals compared to white individuals. This is due to the historical factor of experimentation, current discrimination within medicine, and stereotyping in medical practice. By analyzing the work of Black and African psychologists, we can see that there are large disparities in the care of Black and African individuals, leading to high suicide and depression rates within these demographics. Due to primarily distrust, lack of cultural humility, and a lack of resources, Black and African individuals are not seeking to get care. As the field of psychology grows prospers, and continues to facilitate more successful treatments, care providers need to be suited to care for the needs of these patients, by providing culturally supportive care, we are better able to provide for their needs and goals. In essence, care providers need to be better care providers in both mental and physical health. The evidence provided thus far proves that there is a problem in our mental health care system where individuals are being left behind and left to suffer alone, without proper, ethical access to care. The field needs to make note of these disparities and do better so no one feels that suicide is the only way out of a system that was not made for them. We need to change the system to be more equitable and attentive to Black and African patients in the mental health care system. 

References 

Barnes, D. H. (2006). The Aftermath of Suicide among African Americans. Journal of Black Psychology, 32(3), 335–348.

 Gomez, J. M. (2015). Microaggressions and the Enduring Mental Health Disparity: Black Americans at Risk for Institutional Betrayal. Journal of Black Psychology, 41(2), 121–143.

Greer, T. M., & Cavalhieri, K. E. (2019). The Role of Coping Strategies in Understanding the Effects of Institutional Racism on Mental Health Outcomes for African American Men. Journal of Black Psychology, 45(5), 405-433. https://doi.org/10.1177/0095798419868105

Huff, C. (2021, October 1). Psychology’s diversity problem. Monitor on Psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/10/feature-diversity-problem#:~:text=For%20instance%2C%2012%25%20of%20college,4%2C%202018). 

Luebbe, A. M., & Ogbaselase, F. A. (2018). Constriction of the educational pipeline for students of color at the point of entry to doctoral work in psychology: Commentary on Callahan and colleagues (2018). Training and Education in Professional Psychology, 12(4), 291–294. https://doi.org/10.1037/tep0000211

Madubata, I. J., Odafe, M. O., Talavera, D. C., Hong, J. H., & Walker, R. L. (2018). Helplessness mediates racial discrimination and depression for african american young adults. Journal of Black Psychology, 44(7), 626–643.

Nobles, W. W. (2013). Shattered consciousness, fractured identity. Journal of Black Psychology, 39(3), 232–242.

Sembène, O., & Diop, M. T. (1966). Black Girl (Special edition.). The Criterion Collection.

Skloot, R. (2010). The immortal life of Henrietta Lacks. New York, NY: Random House.

Townsend, T. G., & Belgrave, F. Z. (2009). Eliminating health disparities: challenges for african american psychologists. Journal of Black Psychology, 35(2), 146–153.

Vasquez Reyes M. (2020). The Disproportional Impact of COVID-19 on African Americans. Health and human rights, 22(2), 299–307.

Washington, H. A. (2019). Medical apartheid. Random House.

Williams, R. L. (2008). A 40-Year History of the Association of Black Psychologists (ABPsi). Journal of Black Psychology, 34(3), 249–260.

Yearby, R. (2021). Race based medicine, colorblind disease: how racism in medicine harms us all. The American Journal of Bioethics, 21(2), 19–27.

[obsoleteozymandias]

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ matchup trade w/ rylai !! 

౨ৎ  i am 17 going on 18 ! i'm a girl, and i don't really care much for pronouns — i'm also pansexual, and have no specific preference on the gender.  

.  i don’t have a character i don’t like, and I'm open to any options !  

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚  

i am a filipina w/ american blood.  

i take a lot after my father — his face, his height, and even his personality ! i'm 173cm tall, with very light complexion. i take very good care of my body by maintaining healthy routines, eating well, and exercising frequently !!  

i have curly, layered, dark brown hair at my waist. i take especially good care of my hair, though same applies for all parts of my body. my other features aren't very special — brown eyes and fair skin. though, i have a looott of beauty marks littered around my body, but the most noticeable one is the one on my right cheek !  

i am very feminine, and enjoy dressing in whatever's trendy and cute. i am also known for always wearing pearls — and i am easily recognizable from the pearl headband i always wear.  

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚  

for starters about my personality, i am very awkward in person (｡´-д-)。。i have a monotone voice and am often regarded to have a „resting bitch face” most of the time huhu. i am usually much more open and friendly online or over boardgames ! but i will always have to wait for someone else to talk to me first before opening up.  

i'm a person who always looks at the bright side of things; i am also very much a hopeless romantic with my head in the clouds. i tend to be more of a listener, but ask the right questions and i'll be a lot more talkative !!  

once you get to know me, i take on more of a big sister role !! i'll often act as a shoulder to cry on, and someone who will always support their friends no matter what. i'm usually the go-to person whenever you need any kind of advice ! even if i don't have any experience or don't even listen to my own advice, i always have something to say  

skibidi brainrot humor ( i actually love annoying my friends with this, and i easily get along with those that have similar humor hehe ) once you get to know me, it’s only then i show my more talkative and oa side !! i absolutely love teasing my friends, it’s sooo funny to me whenever i make them mad 

i'm very hardworking and can be persistent when needed. it's something i picked up from being a journalist, and it's come in really handy in certain scenarios ! it's taught me not to give up and persevere through tough times. 

since i was young, i've always had struggles with saying 'no' and standing up for myself. even though i appear confident now, it's really just a facade for me to be more likeable. this could be something i inherited from my mother, her meekness must've been passed onto me (ᗒᗩᗕ)  

ꔫ INFP 2w3 , scorpio sun , cancer moon , sagittarius rising  

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚  

— hobbies and passions  

first of all, journalism !!! i wanted to be a journalist as a child, but due to certain circumstances, i switched career paths. in jhs ( gr 7 - gr 10 ) i was a part of the journalism club and wrote for the school paper. i was the associate news editor in grade 7, news editor in grade 8, and i got to be the editor-in-chief for the school paper in grade 9 and grade 10. for contests, i participated in copyreading and radio broadcasting. i was able to bag multiple awards for my school, and i am still openly very passionate about journalism and writing.  

i am also into martial arts, and am currently a red belt in taekwondo. i also do ballet, but recently i haven't been able to attend the studio due to my classes and frequently booked schedule (ᗒᗩᗕ) in my free time, i play badminton and volleyball with my friends !  

i also don't know whether or not this counts as a passion, but i do love to help people. i am currently taking the humss strand in order to become a psychologist ! i love to analyze everything, and i love being able to help those around me. （☆/＞u＜/） apart from those, i enjoy reading, art and many more !!!  

— likes and dislikes ( also including my love lang here !! )  

as i stated up above, i like to read !! i read a lot of psychological horror, mystery, thriller, fantasy, etc. my favorite authors are jane austen and lewis carroll — i am very fond of classical novels. my obsession has gotten to the point that my family and friends will forcibly tear me away from the bookstore whenever we happen to come across one.  

i also genuinely enjoy cleaning and gardening. since i was young, i've always been helping my grandma around the house, and i picked up her hobby of gardening. my dad owned a farm as well, so that only played into my interest of gardening. i also enjoy cooking and baking ! 

i'm a big makeup enthusiast. ever since i was a child, i really enjoyed doing my mother's makeup ( i did my dad's too ) so it kind of just grew on me huhu. i especially like whenever my male friends would let me put makeup on them and dress them up so i can make fun of them afterwards hihi ♡ ～('▽^人) 

now when it comes to my dislikes, i totally hate when people take advantage of my shyness ,,who wouldn't bro !? i also dislike getting touched by anyone who's not someone i trust, so when i decide to randomly cling onto someone it's just a sign that i trust them.  

my love language is definitely quality time, as i find it the most genuine love languages of all five. others' gifts and words may be insincere, but spending time with my loved one ( in silence or not ) is what i love most, and it really shows that i'm comfortable enough around them.  

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚  

when it comes to my ideal type, looks really don't matter !   

i'm usually more into nerdy people who share the same interests as me so we can talk about them all day, BUT their patience is the most valuable trait. i can't handle an impatient lover, and i would need someone that's able to understand when i need time alone or when i need comfort.  

i would also do well with a more extroverted lover ! we could balance each other out, and help each other grow though i tend to date introverted people a lot huhu, judging from my exes.  

the most attractive physical feature to me is a person’s smile.  

preferred dates: having coffee at a small, unknown cafe,, watching horror movies and making fun of the badly edited scenes,, going out on walks at night,, stargazing,, etc.  

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১  

౨ৎ  i am the youngest of seven, all of which having graduated when i was very young. ( i ended up being spoiled by my brothers and sisters growing up hehe )  

౨ৎ  im a cat person, and i own two very adorable cats !  

౨ৎ  i have a small obsession with collecting things i find cute/pretty. ( plushies, figurines, perfumes, antiques, and so on. )  

౨ৎ  i have glasses, but i refuse to wear them.  

౨ৎ  there's a saying in my country that if you wear pearl earrings, you'll be single for a long time, and i started wondering if that was the reason for my hopeless romanticness ! ( not relevant at all, just found it funny hihi ) 

౨ৎ  i'm very quick to fall in love !

Hey there ryyylaaaii! I hope this lives up to your expectations, as I had a lot of fun writing it and experimenting! I can’t wait to see what you write for me!! :D 

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Vil Schoenheit 

Pre-relationship:

This is a slowburn, strangers to friends to soulmates kind of situation. 

He doesn’t notice you at first; he’s a busy man with a busier schedule and he rarely has time to look after students from other dorms when he’s already up to his neck looking after his own. 

But I imagine he sees your fashion taste one day, maybe while you were out of school, and he’s taken with the way you dress. Like him, you seem to value your appearance, and have a good sense of fashion. 

And thus; you’ve captured his attention. He keeps his eyes on you when he sees you across campus, and always notes your new outfits. He comes to appreciate them, seeing you as another beauty-minded individual, which is rare on campus. 

However it is that he comes around to speaking with you, he finds himself charmed by you. 

He is quick to move past your more reserved personality, breaking down your walls with his honesty and pragmatic attitude. He’s a reliable person who you trust to understand you better than most.  

For all that he isn’t sympathetic per say, he is a problem solver and a dependable friend. When you can’t stand up for yourself, he’ll give you support until you can, whether through gentle nudges or shoves in the right direction. 

And he can rely on you to listen when he talks, and see past his perfectionist persona to the person who lies beneath. 

You two talk often about the latest fashions and makeup styles, and can both be found tending to plants together in the atrium chatting away, or exercising while discussing the latest books you’ve read. 

In short: you’re getting plenty of quality time with this guy. 

He finds that he sees you in everything, even the things he doesn’t always like. He sees your optimism and passion in sunny days, and your humor in Epel’s crass manners. 

Soon, he realizes, he sees your beauty in himself - in the parts that he loves and even the parts he doesn’t, and he suddenly realizes, oh, I’m in love. 

Confession: 

Vil isn’t one to take confessions lightly, whether that be a confession of his faults or of his feelings. And so he spends months agonizing over how to best confess to you. 

Part of him knows that you’d appreciate a confession to him in the most simple manner, but he also wants to show you just how much he cares. 

I’d like to imagine that he takes you out on a fancy all-day date, starting at a spa, then clothes and makeup shopping, and finally a late night date in an open field where you can see the beautiful night sky. 

And that’s when he asks you to be his. 

And when you say yes, he lets slip that he has actually been incredibly nervous this entire time. 

And, just for a touch of magic, imagine that in that moment, your pearl earrings fall off. You get them fixed of course, but Vil later borrows one, so that the two of you have one each. 

Relationship:

I think you’re just the kind of person to bring complete authenticity out of Vil. He isn’t afraid to be himself around you, even when he’s in a bad mood. He knows he can rely on you to listen to his problems and let him lean on you. 

And similarly, you can let him know whenever you need time alone and he won’t even fathom taking offense. He’s a really mature and understanding partner in that sense. 

While he may not share all of your passions, he’ll absolutely sit through them and give them a try. Have a bad horror movie you want him to watch? You two laugh at it while painting your nails. Have a good book to read? He’ll do your hair while you read it to him. 

He might not say it often, but he enjoys every second spent by your side, even if it’s just sitting in silence and enjoying eachother’s company. 

He also enjoys peppering your face with kisses at random moments, just overwhelmed by his own affection for you. 

You two ABSOLUTELY have cats together! He’s a bit off put by their fur being everywhere initially, but once he comes around to them, he’s constantly pampering and sweet talking them, treating them as if they were his own children. 

I see a wonderful life together in your future, filled with challenges, sure, but always a loving hand wrapped around your own to guide you through them. 

[briannapuppet]

Why I'm Spooky

Sleep

I usually fall asleep on purpose. You're not supposed to be able to fall asleep on purpose, but I had insomnia when I was a kid and I developed a hack for it:

I close my eyes and try to meditate, try to not think.

After a while, I hear words, usually phrases that don't mean anything to me.

When I hear a phrase, I focus on it and try to repeat that word back.

Usually, within about 5 repetitions of 2 and 3, I fall into a dream-rich sleep.

Since I was having such cool dreams and because my life sucked, I started to practice lucid dreaming and started to analyze my dreams.

I began to remember my dreams more and I noticed that every once in a while I had a particularly vivid dream that would come true - almost always about something geeky that only I was interested in. I also notice that sometimes I get déjà vu internally - like, I'm suddenly reminded of a dream or flashing back, but the real life thing is just a trigger.

Subconscious, Synchronicity, Déjà vu

I was happy to be able to sleep, but I thought my hack was weird and I didn't know how to interpret it.

I was doing Zen meditation at the time (had been put there by parents because I was a troubled youth; the people were smart and nice; I liked it a lot). The sensei encouraged us to try and quiet our minds. She said that when a thought came up, it was something from our subconscious or karma, and we should just let the thought happen.

The thing is, the thoughts that pop into my head often predict something happening or are somehow related to the outside world. Some psychologists call this synchronicity. Example:

I had stayed up all night watching Helluva Boss S1E8 on repeat, the one where Vortex invites Loona to Beelzebub's house party. Like, "It's so beautiful it makes me cry, and I'm watching it over and over again to cry-stim and process trauma." I got an urge to go to a certain chocolate-focused cafe I visit maybe 3 times a year. I found parking immediately. As I walked up to the cafe, I saw a Huskey with markings similar to Loona, and a heterochromatic German Shepherd who reminded me of Vortex (except Tex's eyes are a different colors because of an injury).

Something like this happens basically every day. I don't freak out about it anymore.

WTF

So, I need to have some kind of a religion or metaphysical belief just to figure out how to deal with this.

Most normies would call this magical thinking and start suspecting that I have schizophrenia. And, I did have two Grippy Socks vacations when I was a baby tran for intrusive thoughts, paranoia and restlessness. But, these were the result of my ex-partner gaslighting and invalidating my identity as a trans woman - as soon as I was away from my ex, I returned to normal. And when I was at the psychiatric hospitals, I met people who were way weirder than me and completely dysfunctional, like crazy person on the street guys. So I'm not that.

I've been on daily antipsychotics and I didn't like it. The standard "I don't like feeling mentally sluggish," but, also, weird heart sensations, and I feel like I get taken advantage of more easily because I'm too trusting. So it leads to some really bad situations for me! Now I have an as-needed that I take when I want my mind to quiet and to sleep.

For a long time, I worked under a skeptical Jungian model, like "The material world exists, but the brain is super powerful and can produce seemingly-magical effects, like predicting personally-meaningful events or reading your best friend's mind."

That wasn't what I believed. I believed in God and magic and shit, I prayed and meditated and tried to do the right thing, but I wasn't sure enough to make any life changes, I think Buddhists are too nihilistic for me, I don't fit in with Christians, and most other religions are ethnocentric. Even Wicca: at this point you have to be a second-generation white hippie to join, and they're all Beatles people 🤮.

Demonolatry

But then, I watched Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, and I thought about life differently.

Like, what if the gods and demons are just people? Of course the shows are fictional works produced by hoomans like me, but what if they're right about what demons are like?

I had always assumed they'd all be kind of judgmental and domineering, and they would care what I believed because it mattered on a cosmic scale or something. But if (for example) Asmodeus was just a sexy geek whose special interest was sex, it's easy to imagine him as a benevolent person I'd want to know.

I knew about as much about demonology as any goth, and I had studies magic on and off. But I thought, "You know, I bet the reason demons, djinn, etc have a bad rap is because narcissistic blowhards keep trying to do contracts with them. Why would you want a contract with a demon? I'd rather just be friends with one, and I won't be prejudiced against it for being... whatever the fuck it is!"

The other thing about the Hellaverse that's meaningful for me is the moral message. It's great! Forgiveness is good, but so are boundaries, self-understanding, self-defense, and fun.

And so I started trying to get in touch with demons, assuming that if I was polite and had good boundaries that they might at least chat with me if they wanted. I didn't have any specific ritual, I just meditated, did yoga or art or sang, and called out to a few demons, trying to establish a dialogue.

I feel like it's been working. I've tried to get in touch with 5 in total, and 4 responded. I usually feel a sense of presence and I pick up images, words or thoughts that contain a narrative or message.

And then, after a lot of search crafting, I stumbled on the word "Demonolatry" as a description for what I'm doing and where my values are. I like almost everything that I've read so far, and I think it's a really nice group of ethical weirdos. It feels really liberating to have a religion that isn't about shame and guilt.

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No. 11

Venus/Jupiter aspects in the natal chart...

Will make someone generally likable, charming, generous, and agreeable- especially if it's a conjunction, trine, or sextile you're working with. They'll be the person who might be incredibly popular or someone whose creativity [Venus] is magnified [Jupiter]. They might be very beautiful or well known for their good looks. However, throw a square to Chiron in the mix and this individual might have a hard time believing it. Since Chiron is the place in our chart where we wear our inner wound and a square indicates conflict, the pain to either of these planets has to do with beliefs, how we're educated, and the overall philosophy of life. One could perhaps have a lot of doubt as to whether they are truly attractive.  They could be bullied or hated for their attractiveness or popularity. On the other hand, Jupiter Squaring Chiron can make someone have severe wounds concerning their spiritual beliefs. It's common to see this aspect in charts of people who were forced into a particular belief system or religion. In addition, it's also an indicator of those who were abused by organized religion. Often the case/in charts of those in the LGBTQ community who were perhaps shunned by conventional western religious constructs.

12th House Synastry is a bit like Russian Roulette...

Not to scare any of you with significant placements within this house synastrically or in composite, but remember what I said in Astro Musings 1 about Neptune? Wherever he is, there's going to be a feeling that something is hidden. Deception will be a big factor or just naivete or idealism. More so if the aspects in this house are squares/oppositions. With the Trines and Conjunctions, the energy here can feel incredibly spiritual and binding. [Don't bust out the champagne yet, I said FEEL binding- it doesn't mean it necessarily will be]. Sorry. North Node/Neptune might make you two dream of each other or have this strange 6th sense concerning them and their energy. Moon and Neptune will make two people have an uncanny knack for knowing what the other is thinking. It will feel downright Soul-Mate-esque. The same if Mercury and Neptune are joined.

Now, if the aforementioned aspect is afflicted, two people will Pinocchio the fuck out of each other.

The lies will be endless. Now this might not even be malicious, it's more so two people don't want to disappoint each other, so they put on an act they think the other will appreciate/wants to see. There's a lot of pressure to live up to the other person's expectations. Most of the time, the mask will inevitably fall off and bitter feelings may ensue. Choose honesty first.

Aspects to the ruler of the first house will have a similar vibe to aspects on the ascendant.

That’s because your chart ruler and it’s planet are leading your entire chart in energetic expression. By proxy, whatever happens to it [ruler of the 1st], wherever it is in your chart, will be magnified and displayed. For example, if you’re a Scorpio rising but Pluto is in your 3rd house, it might be very apparent to others that you speak and think deeply. Your communication can feel very “psychiatric" and probing. It might be the first thing people notice about you. If you’re a Sag rising and your Jupiter is in your 10th House, you could make a career out of travel or be famous. Everyone will notice your larger than life persona.

Aquarius Moon in the 5th just like these other aspects, can be an indicator of one who might have a fear of motherhood or pregnancy in general. In addition, One with a Cancer Lilith in the 6th might choose career over motherhood. In a woman’s chart, it can also be an indicator of someone who has reproductive [4th house/moon] issues [especially if there are afflictions].

Lilith in the 6th house may feel that they give more than they get. They might also reject the idea of daily work and routine or general discipline. There can be scandal’s at work as well. Wherever Lilith is, you can guarantee that there’s going to be some ‘taboo’ energy involved. Since 6th house is one of the money/career houses, it can indicate that this taboo will be related to whatever you do for a living.

Placements for those who love animals

Will be Neptunian placements ftw. Neptunians/Piscean placements tend to have a monopoly on the “beast whisperer” thing. That’s because Animals sit between the physical and the spiritual world. They see shit we can’t. So they’ll often take to those with strong “veil” energy. 

Cancerian’s come in at a cool 2nd. This is because their heightened sensitivity make animals feel them quite strongly. They also have strong nurturing energy which will draw pets to them.

Leos at No. 3- Leonine placements have an uncanny love for animals due to their playful and warm energy. Being ruled by the sun, they’ll be literally “beacons of light” for furry friends.

Virgo is ruler of the 6th house of work and routine. Because of their natural capability towards order and discipline, I often see this sign as pet owners. Often these natives have more than one. They’ll be the sign that has Fido trained and operating like clockwork. 

Speaking of animals, the signs I’ve seen to take to cats more than canines are Scorpio and Capricorn. Because of these two sign’s affinity towards introversion, it’s no surprise that one of the most introverted breed of animal feels right at home among them. On the flipside, I’ve seen on numerous occasions where dogs become quite obsessed [Pluto] with Scorpios, on the occasion where they’re not scared of them. 

In a female’s chart, Having asteroid Aphrodite squaring her Lilith

will mean her beauty will have a forbidden fruit vibe to it. Her charm will be directly tied to her wild femininity. However, there may be struggles in how she expresses it. Typical placement for someone whose kindness or mild flirtation will be received as overtly sexual. Her charm and grace might have a playboy or pornstar vibe or she may get her value from expressing herself sexually. It can also indicate one who is just oversexed in general. Be sure to keep those Trojans on hand and get those yearly check ups. Nothing wrong with expressing yourself in such a way but Lilith can also indicate diseases of the venereal nature, especially if in the sign of Scorpio or afflicted in the 8th House

Talent in Fashion Design in the Natal Chart will be

Sun in Libra [Andre Leon Talley]

Venus in the 10th

Taurus 10th House

Libra 10th House

Venus in Virgo

Venus in the 6th

Moon conjunct Venus

Venus in the 2nd House

Mercury in harmonious aspect to Venus

Neptune in Libra

Venus in Sagittarius [Expansive/creative mindset/abundance]

Neptune in harmonious aspect to Venus [Anna Wintour]

Talent in Libra

Scorpio Stelliums [Pluto rules the underworld where jewels and finery reside- Gianni Versace and Anna Wintour have this in their charts- So does Grace Kelly]

Having Nessus in Capricorn can indicate that the father figure in your life might have been a bit abusive or a source of pain.

Having Asteroid Talent in the sign of Gemini might make one very well adept at wordplay. They could have a talent for writing or have hardcore skill at wit. In the 12th house might make them very skilled at writing fantasy or even writing for film/fiction.

Uranus in the 1st can make someone unusual looking, they may look androgynous or dress in a ‘rebellious’ or ‘avant-garde’ way. I’ve also seen 1st house Uranians have flat affects. They can have a demeanor that comes off as detached or in general RBF.

Speaking of Uranus, if you had an absentee father figure...

check to see if your 4th house has Aquarian or Uranian influence. In addition, see if your Sun is inconjunct to your Uranus or squaring it. 9 times out of 10 when I’m analyzing a birth chart, I have a native tell me their father skipped out or split from life very early. There’s always a story there.

Asteroid Psyche touching your 10th house/MC might make you a very skilled Psychologist. Asteroid Psyche [16] is about the mind/soul. If it’s in the house of work/reputation/prestige, you might apply this asteroid's energy to your career

Multi-planet oppositions in the natal chart

Will indicate a push-pull in your natal energy. You’ll be the person who struggles between two mindsets constantly.

If it’s between Gemini and Sagittarius you’ll struggle with the logical and philosophical. You may have constant existential crises. On a positive note, if you’re able to balance it, you’ll be able to see multiple sides of an argument. This is an ideal aspect for someone who debates, is in law, or journalism. If it’s between

Cancer or Capricorn you will deal with wanting to be self-sufficient but also have a deep need to nurture or be nurtured.

The Sign your Sun/Rising is in in your Solar Return Chart

Will usually indicate the energy you’ll take on for the year. In Aquarius your might be tech minded and quite detached. In Virgo, you may be especially detail oriented and cerebral. In Scorpio you may find yourself more emotionally sensitive, probing, or ruthless that year. In Leo, you may be more outgoing- self-centered, or unusually popular.

A Taurus Venus will like to feed you to show you they love you. Being Wined and Dined is how this Venus placement likes to demonstrate they care. They may also like to give you gifts to show you their admiration.

Sorry to break it to you, mutable gang...

But Sagittarius, Gemini, Virgo, and Pisces are among the top signs found in Serial Killers. I.E

Ted Bundy- Sagittarius

Jeffrey Dahmer- Gemini

John Wayne Gacy- Pisces

Mary Bell- Gemini

George Chapman- Sagittarius

Charles Cullen- Pisces

Danny Rolling- Gemini

Marybeth Tinning- Virgo

Alton Coleman- Sagittarius

Kenneth Bianchi- Gemini

Andras Pandy- Gemini

Dean Carter- Virgo

Andrew Cunanan- Virgo

Richard Ramirez- Pisces

Randy Steven Kraft- Pisces

Terry Blair- Virgo

Timothy Krajcir- Sagittarius

Yikes....

Taurus Suns, 11th House Virgos, Cancer/Capricorn 5th Houses, and Libra 7th Housers are typically the “Parent/Mom/Dad” of their friend groups.

Believe it or not, when it comes to “jealousy” over material things, it’s not Scorpio. Taurean/Leo placements [typically risings and Suns and moons] and especially underdeveloped will be the types to hate on you for having something [Usually clothing, car, house, etc] they want. Scorpios, though famous infamous for the jealousy stereotype, will usually show this trait only in romantic entanglements. This is because Scorpio is a water sign. Their primary mode of operation has to do with the emotional realm.

Mars in the 10th House is usually seen in those who make athletics part of their career. 

Mars in Gemini have the most savage comebacks. They will make you feel so stupid if you argue with them. Mars is war and Gemini is wit. You’ll be hard pressed to win a battle of words with them.

I find those with Mars in Aquarius or aspecting Uranus will swing both ways sexually, regardless of how they identify.

Venus in Aquarius don’t really like to be touched/hugged. Picture Voldemort hugging Draco. Ironically, they will usually be the type of people to take up professions where they have to touch others. I've seen copious nurses with their Venuses touching Aquarius. Massage therapists as well. Might have something to do with the love [Venus] of helping others [Aquarius].

Those with multiple planets in the 12th House can make excellent actors. This is because their personality is in a mutable house. They can morph and chameleonize themselves very easily. Superb for taking on multiple personalities for their craft.

Men with Mercury in Leo, Capricorn, or harmonious aspect to Pluto tend to have very deep voices. There’s also a soothing vibe to them as well. James Earl Jones, Liam Neeson, and Anthony Hopkins all have these placements. 

Contrary to popular opinion, Gemini isn’t the only sign that can be a “jack of all trades”. In fact, Libra Suns often fit in in various roles/professions. This has a lot to do with their diplomatic nature. Because they are often the peacemaker and a bit passive than their cousins, they are often welcomed in many different circles. This allows them to excel with networking/social climbing.

Jupiter conjunct/Square Saturn and Capricorn 9th Housers

are the placement[s] I see the most in those who have a deep skepticism of Astrology. Their belief system can be rather rigid [Saturn] which makes it harder/ for them to be open minded [Jupiter] to other schools of thought.

Each Planet/Sign rules a day of the week. Whichever day you were born can inadvertently make you take on some of the traits of that sign, regardless of what your “big 3″ are. 

For example: If you were born on a Wednesday, ruled by Mercury, you can be especially cerebral or witty. Tuesday, ruled by Mars can make you fiesty, athletic and perhaps a bit impatient like Arians. Friday, ruled by Venus can make you extremely charming and friendly. Saturday, ruled by Saturn can make you extremely entrepreneurial-minded whereas being Born on a Monday [Moon] can make you security and family oriented.

Venus in Sagittarius, Sagittarius 5th House, 2nd House in Sag or Venus Aspecting Neptune in the sign of Sag might make one have an affinity for entertainment from foreign countries. I see these placements in the charts of those who enjoy anime, foreign film, or those who have a knack for languages [lot of trines to Jupiter is also an indicator of the latter.]

Asteroid Priapus... will make you want to uncontrollably merge with someone.

 [I’m not even kidding. I had this aspect with someone and my Priapus touched their Jupiter and I wanted to tear the kid’s clothes off. All my friends had no idea what I saw in him. To them, he was not my “type”- whatever that means.] The sign Priapus is in will give you a hint as to what turns you on. In Virgo, someone clean cut, organized or well-groomed might tickle your fancy. In Libra, someone fashionable and sweet-natured. In Aries, someone outgoing or athletic, Capricorn, there can be an affinity for someone older, someone accomplished, or a general “daddy” fetish. 

Sun conjunct Pluto or Sun Square Pluto...

will have gnarly authority issues. Same with Mars in the 1st or Mars in any of the career houses. They do not like being told what to do whatsoever. If you try to boss them around, they will do the opposite just to spite you.

In synastry, a Double Whammy of Sun/Pluto

energy will make two people addicted to each other. All their forbidden fantasies [Pluto] will be exemplified by the other person’s presence [Sun]. The sex will be on the rougher side and can make two people obsessed. However, if a break up were to occur, this placement will make it damn near impossible for two people to be friends again. There’s just too much passion involved.

Astro Musings No. 1  Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3  Astro Musings No. 4 Astro Musings No. 5  Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8 Astro Musings No. 9 Astro Musings No. 10

[elfboyeros]

Another Dr. Reid

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Ship: Spencer Reid and Self Interest

Words: 1000+

Content: language, nonbinary language, marriage, fluff

Note: I started rewatching criminal Minds and forgot how much I loved it and Spencer, so here my friends is a self interest fiction that may have multiple part I have no idea!

It surprises people when they find out Dr. Spencer Reid is married, even two of his dearest friends.

“Prentiss? Whatcha looking at,” Derek asked.

Emily looked over her shoulder be looking back through the glass doors of the bullpen, “I just being curious,” she replied, “any idea who Penelope and JJ are talking to?”

Derek looked that the short individual talking to his work wife and coworker outside of the bullpen, fluffy light gray hair, gray eyes, pale skin, wearing black suspender pants and a simple maroon blouse, “uhm,” he remarked, looking over at Spencer, who just finished his coffee as he stood in the kitchenette before turning back to Emily, “nope no idea. No clue who that is.”

“Sounds like you do,” Rossi remarked approaching the two, as the random individual walked into the bullpen.

The individual gave Derek a small wave before walking towards, Hotch’s office, “yeah you totally don’t know who that this,” Emily chuckled, “so it that one of the charming Derek Morgan’s past flings.”

Derek hadn’t had time to respond as Spencer choked on his coffee, “You okay kid,” Rossi asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine” he replied, sitting down at his desk, watching Hotch’s office door close.

“It’s good to see you again, Cordelia,” Hotch replied with almost a smile.

“Likewise,” they replied shaking his hand, “what exactly am I here for?”

“I wanted to ask you about this,” he asked, handing them papers

Cordelia took the papers from his hands and sat down, reading over the documents, “Hotch… these are transfer papers, I-I can’t.”

“You are a talent profiler, psychologist, and grief counselor,” Hotch began, “The B.A.U. is looking for agents like you.”

“Thank you, but I can’t accept this,” they replied, “I like the job I have.”

“Cordelia, I personally feel you would be a magnificent addition to this team!”

They sighed, “You know… No, no, I can’t!”

“You can,” Hotch replied, “I am the one asking for you, which will make the transfer easier.”

“You’re not listening, I can’t do this!”

“I believe you can.”

“You’re not in my position!”

“We’ll deal with your position.”

“I doubt that,” Cordelia snapped, back sliding the papers back to him, “I have to many people analyzing my movement every day when I walk in this building, I don’t need more of that!”

“Cordelia, I will make sure that doesn’t happen!”

Cordelia leaned back in the chair they were sitting in, placing the tip of their thumb nail in-between their teeth staring into the bullpen meeting the gaze of a Dr. Spencer Reid before glancing at Hotch, “Aaron,” they exhaled, “I’m married to one of your agents, I’m going to get you in more trouble if I join this team.”

“I will deal with that,” Hotch responded.

Cordelia thought for a moment, “promise me something.”

“Yes?”

“If this backfires, his job isn’t in jeopardy.”

“Spencer’s job will not be jeopardy,” Hotch replied, “and I will do everything to make sure yours isn’t either.”

“I feel like you own me dinner or something,”

Hotch chuckled, “I’ll think about it.”

“Flowers, at least,” Cordelia laughed.

“So, how’s life,” he asked.

Back in the Bullpen Emily and Rossi stared at Spencer, Spencer stared into Hotch’s office, Penelope had entered the bullpen and was having a whisper argument with Morgan as he stared at Emily, Rossi, and Spencer, “Tell them that’s Reid’s spouse,” Penelope whisper yelled.

“Baby girl, it’s not my place, if he didn’t want them to know!”

“He been staring into his office for almost 10 minutes,” Emily remarked.

“And his gears are turning,” Rossi replied.

“I would do anything to know what he is thinking right now,” Emily sighed.

Hotch exited his office with Cordelia, “Most of you know this already, This is agent Cordelia Paris-Reid-”

“Reid,” Rossi questioned, side-eyeing the young man.

“Agent Paris will be a part of this team by next week, treat them nicely,” Hotch continued before his phone rang, “excuse me.”

“Wait, I have so questions,” Emily asked, utterly confused, “your last name is Reid?”

“It has been for the last 3 years now,” Cordelia replied, walking down to the bullpen.

“2 years 295 days, and 9 hours,” Spencer couldn't help but remark.

“Same different,” Cordelia chuckled.

“Not really-wait,” he replied, “did you-”

“Whatever you’re thinking, honey, I had no idea,” they replied, “I got Hotch’s phone call right as you left this morning. I literally had no idea what all this was about until I got here.”

“Honey, you Casanova,” Morgan chuckled.

Reid rolled his eyes, "oh, I’m so excited,” Penelope remarked, “Cupid, you are one of my favorite people, you keep eyes on the boy genius!”

“You two have been together for almost 3 years,” Emily asked.

“Is it that shocking to think he is married,” Cordelia chuckled, “yes, we’re married, a have rings to prove it, yes I love him, and yes I know who you are although that more because you are apart of the B.A.U. not Spencer, oh and Rossi’s books!”

“The question now is why the two of us were never told,” Rossi remarked.

“I would like to know that too,” Cordelia added, turning to Spencer.

“You… never asked,” Spencer replied, giving them a confused look.

Cordelia chuckled, throwing their head back, “he did it for privacy,” they added, “and honestly everything just sort of happened. It’s not like a lot of people were there either.”

“I know have a whole other host of questions,” Emily sighed.

“I will answer any questions you have,” Cordelia responded, “will not any question. Although I will answer whatever questions you have, within reason.”

“There it is,” Rossi chuckled, “or at least a part of it, it’s nice you meet you, Cordelia.”

“You as well,” Cordelia nodded.

“Guys,” Hotch remarked, “child abduction in rural Maryland, wheels up in 20, Cordelia you’re coming with us.”

“Sir, I need to tal-”

“I already have,” he replied, “go downstairs and grab your go bag, you start now!”

“Fuck, alright.”

A few hours in Maryland, Emily and Rossi playing the staring game again, watching Cordelia interview the young sibling of the kidnapped child.

“They are amazing with children,” Emily commented.

“It’s almost shocking,” Rossi added, “Reid, what did Paris do before the F.B.I.?”

“They were a child psychologist and grief counselor,” he replied as he stared at the evidence board, “they have a doctorate in psychology.”

“Oh great, another Dr. Reid,” Rossi joked.

“Actually, Dr. Paris, they don’t use my name that much,” Spencer added, “that’s why they hyphened it.”

“Still to be that good with children, it’s almost like it’s a gift, that will help us a lot,” Emily noted.

“The way Cordelia’s voice sounds added with speech patterns and the language they use with children makes them appear almost child-like,” Spencer mentioned, “they are also “good” with the elderly, hey guys look at this.”

Spencer, Emily, and Rossi were investigating when Cordelia rushed over them, “I think these kids are being abused!”

“Are you sure,” Rossi asked.

“I have spoken to many abused children,” they began, “I know the signs, I know the body language, and have been in that office for an hour and a half that kid, that small child, is afraid of adults and it’s not stranger danger. There is fear in that kid’s eye when I even lift a finger.”

Rossi nodded, “let’s get them in an interrogation room.”

Cordelia was picked to interrogate the mother, “Ma’am please it’s a yes or no question, is your husband abusing your children?!”

“How do you not know,” Cordelia asked, “you are your children first lifeline, you birthed your children! You are the one person that now they can come to, and you don’t know if your husband is hurting your sweet babies?!”

“I… I…”

“I, I, Martha, your child could be dead or dying and you can give a yes or no answer! You know what I think? You are a coward! You know your husband doesn’t love you may even hate you and you though your children you going to save everything,” Cordelia lectured, “but they didn’t and he know hates you and the children so you let him abuse the children because he’s stopped hitting you! He cheats on you and then comes home and hits the kids! Then this time he hit your son a little too hard and kill him! Right, ri-”

“I DID IT! I KILLED HIM!”

Cordelia looked at the woman wide eyed, “I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN! HE MADE HAVE THEM AND JOHN WAS JUST SO LOUD AND HE WOULDN NEVER LISTEN SO-”

Cordelia left the interrogation room before she could finish, “that was very unprofessional,” Hotch mentioned.

“Does that mean I don’t get the job at the be B.A.U.?”

“No,” he chuckled slightly, "I said that your started today."

“Aaron Hotchner, I hate you,” Cordelia sighed with a smiled.

“Everyone does.”

Once solved the team headed home, Cordelia sat on the sofa in legs curled into themself, resting their head against their head, “first case with the B.A.U. how are you feeling,” Spencer asked.

“I haven’t put my finger on it,” they sighed, “it feels like I am not supposed to be here, but also I feel oddly fulfilled.”

“I think you did great,” Spencer added, as Cordelia placed their legs in his lap, “it was nice working with you.”

“Well, you be working with me a lot, at least for a little while,” they chuckled, “for better or for worse.”

“I am going to honest,” he sighed, “I don’t see this lasting long.”

“Me neither. Although Hotch seems to be willing to fight to keep me around.”

“Really puts a pin in the whole quitting the F.B.I. to go back to being a Child Psychologist.”

“Yeah,” Cordelia sighed.

Spencer cupped their cheek, “no is a two-letter word.”

“Hotch wouldn’t take no for an answer,” Cordelia sighed, leaning into his cheek.

“I can talk to him, let him see if he’ll-”

“No, it’s fine. If I stay, I stay, I’m done trying to fight the F.B.I. I did enough that when we got married.”

“That was not fun.”

“No, it was not,” Cordelia chuckled.

“At least we get to spend a little more time together,” Spencer cooed, “although this isn’t what I had in mind.”

Cordelia laughed, “I love you,” they cooed back.

“I love you too,” Spencer yearned, pulling them close and kissing their forehead.

“That is genuine love,” Emily sighed.

“It looks disgusting,” Rossi joked.

“Yep,” Emily sighed.

“We can hear you,” Spencer huffed.

“And if you want disgusting, I can start making out with him right in front of you,” Cordelia joked, before sticking their tongue out at the two them over Spencer's shoulder as they were now spread out on the couch

“I am too old to see something like that,” Rossi chuckled.

“Please don’t make out on the jet,” Hotch commented.

“Will it get me fired,” Cordelia asked, kissing Spencer's cheek.

“No.”

“Damn.”

[morkleemelon]

nct ideal types 2021 :: 127

dream version | the confirmed facts are all from various interviews or fan questions but ‘my thoughts’ may well not be accurate! this is just for fun~ mark and haechan are in the dream version

moon taeil

confirmed: someone cute with a short bob hairstyle

my thoughts:

taeil is a super chill, laid back guy who gets along with more outgoing members like johnny and haechan. this makes me believe he’d want a funny, outgoing partner to balance with his personality

he mentioned cute so this makes me think small or petite. definitely shorter than him.

he said once that he would love to sing to his future girlfriend all the time (she will be so lucky oh my gosh). not to mention he is very passionate about music and dropped out of a prestigious music school to join nct. so he would definitely need someone who likes and appreciates music

he said if he were a girl, he’d date yuta out of all of the 127 members. so perhaps he just thinks yuta is boyfriend material, but maybe taeil is attracted to the strong-minded, caring type

seo johnny

confirmed: someone who smiles at him a lot. similar to girl’s generation’s yoona

my thoughts: 

johnny seems to get along with everyone so this is a bit tricky to try to determine. he confirmed he likes yoona so going off of that, she’s obviously gorgeous and has a beautiful smile. her personality is also elegant, but down to earth and funny

he was voted by everyone including himself as the most romantic member. he says that he hopes one day he can build christmas trees with his wife just like he used to do with his mom (I’m so soft). I think he’s looking for someone who likes sappy romance and will flirt back with him

he’s tall. and since he named yoona as his ideal type, I think he’d prefer a taller girl (but not taller than him). then again, I’m not sure if he’d care all too much 

he said he would date doyoung if he were a girl so I think that entails someone easily tease-able, neat, and proper

lee taeyong

confirmed: someone who can teach him, lead him, and make up for his flaws. a girl with long hair of any race. laid back. his ideal type is the same as ten’s. someone hard-working has a tough style. 

my thoughts:

he’s highkey a weeb (don’t deny this). no matter how charismatic he is on stage, we all know he’s a big softie who likes bugs and frogs and anime. he expressed he had a really hard time coming out of his shell and he’s quite introverted. he needs someone who’s strong-minded and knows what they’re doing

I remember when the rookies just came out in like 2014 and TY was 19 (?) ish and he confirmed that he’d never dated anyone yet. nobody believed him because he was so handsome but I have a feeling he was telling the truth. it’s been several years since then so I’m not sure how things have changed, but I have a feeling he would like someone experienced.

“any race” what a king. looks-wise besides having long hair, I can envision someone with great style. perhaps dyed hair, multiple piercings, tattoos, the works. fashion is something that tae really appreciates

nakamoto yuta

confirmed: a girl with short hair and is around 15 cm shorter than him (so about 160cm aka 5′3″). an empathetic, cute girl who doesn’t ‘act pretty’. someone bright and comfortable

my thoughts:

he has a lot of confirmed facts about looks which are also really specific. maybe he just knows what he wants. but I also thinks he has experience. it seems like he wants a tomboy who has a strong vibe

he likes being the ‘oppa’ and taking care of others like we see him do with winwin, mark, and jungwoo. he’d be into someone who looks up to him and who he can lead

I don’t have a reason but I think he would like someone who laughs a lot and laughs at his jokes (maybe because mark does and he loves mark)

someone who’s not embarrassed to be herself

during oshiete japan they had to pick out of 4 types of roses to gift to their ‘girlfriend’. him and haechan were the only ones who chose to give 3 roses to their ‘girlfriend’. the psychologist analyzed this and said that they’re ‘flirts who seek attention’. so that being said, I think yuta would like someone who gives him a lot of attention and reactions

kim doyoung

confirmed: someone polite and who treats their elders well

my thoughts:

I mean this in all seriousness, someone the exact opposite as haechan. while we can see in rare times that he does care for him, doyoung usually cannot stand haechan and all his tricks and taunting. as his confirmed type outlines, doie is really looking for someone who takes things seriously and listens to him well

I think he often feels underappreciated - a lot of times during his mv viewing reactions, the editors show another member during his part or just cut him out and you can tell he’s really disappointed (it hurts my heart). he would really like someone who goes out of their way to make him feel appreciated. 

when nct 127 went on oshiete japan, doyoung was the only one to pick the potted rose and the psychologist there said that it means he isn’t looking to just date around, but rather to settle down and have a stable relationship. I strongly believe that doyoung is looking for someone long-term.

also, his love language is giving gifts (from my observation since he often gifts the members foods during mv shoots and gifted TY the couple ring). my best guess is that he’d want to spoil his partner a lot with gifts to show his feelings. someone who appreciates his gifts and understands that they come from his heart

he thinks ariana grande is hot so that’s the only visual thing I can think of. she’s obviously very gorgeous but she’s petite and has an amazing voice

jung jaehyun

confirmed: a kind woman with long, straight hair who can communicate well with him. someone dependable, healthy, and into sports. someone usually calm but can be cute. doesn’t care if she’s older or younger. someone similar to him. someone like singer/actress IU. 

my thoughts: 

he has a lot of confirmed facts so I don’t have to make many assumptions here. someone with girl next door energy? 

he says he likes IU, so going with that, someone petite and cute. She’s not afraid to speak her mind and treats everyone with kindness.

I think J was born to be romantic (literally, born on valentines day). he said his previous ambition was to be a teen dad and his lines from make a wish english version “spoil her with loyalty” sum up my next prediction: he wants someone like a best friend who’s in it for the long run

dong sicheng

confirmed: someone with long, black hair

my thoughts:

he said his favorite actress is shu qi. although I don’t know if he just likes her acting or if she actually fits his ideal type, she is a traditional chinese beauty which I think winwin appreciates

he’s really introverted and is often overwhelmed by affection (i.e. all of the nct members). the exception is jaehyun and winwin seems to be the most comfortable around him. this makes me think he wants someone calm and chic

sicheng prefers staying inside to going out. not to diagnose him at all, but I reckon he can get socially anxious around large amounts of people. he’d like a partner who doesn’t overwhelm him and understands him

he really can’t cook (he couldn’t turn on a stove to make an egg on winformation). in the end, it wouldn’t matter, but i’m thinking that if you can cook you’d certainly earn some bonus points with him. it’s like that saying ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’.

kim jungwoo

confirmed: n/a

my thoughts: 

of all the members, I think jungwoo has expressed the least about his ideal type. not to make any unnecessary assumptions (but that’s all this post is really), but someone said he has strong bi energy. I can’t say anything because I’m not bi myself and I’m not him, but I can see this being a thing. take this with a grain of salt because I don’t actually have evidence

during oshiete japan, he was the only one to pick the large bouquet of roses to give to his ‘lover’. the psychologist analyzed this as him liking to pretend that he is in love and wanting to show his good side. he “can’t express his real feelings and doesn’t want to ever show his lame side to his lover”. because of this, I strongly feel that jungwoo would need someone who lifts his confidence and reassures him

the members he gets along with the most are probably yuta and mark. their personalities are quite different but based on their similarities, I think he is attracted to confidence, open-mindedness, and good work ethic.