#i need a nap and anxiety meds pls
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
homemade-clones · 1 year ago
Note
💥💤☕️🌌 For Cheese and Gaze if it’s not to much pls <33
Of course, of course! Thank you for the ask! &lt;;3 OC emoji asks
💥 - What emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
CHEESE Guilt is the emotion that weighs the heaviest on his shoulders. He can laugh away his fear, and pick a brother (or partner, or massiff) to cuddle away the anxiety. But the guilt of all the lives he's not fast/skilled enough to save is something that keeps him awake at night, slowly chipping away at his resolve to face another day in this endless war. GAZE Loneliness. All the trauma this boy went through before finally settling into the squad left scars he's not sure how to heal nor deal with. It's the most apparent during missions, when – because of his position as sniper – he needs to split from the rest of the squad. He can manage it (so far), but the separation anxiety is always there, dancing in the back of his mind.
💤 - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?
CHEESE Usually, yeah. He's got the ability to fall asleep quickly - and to stay that way until the sun rises again, if no there's no emergency. But then The Horrors and Losses of War™ bring forth bouts of insomnia. When he can't sleep because of anxiety, Aid puts his training to work - either with cuddles to ground him, or herding every available squad member (including his massiff siblings) for an impromptu cuddle pile until he's calm enough to sleep. Or, he may choose to keep pulling shifts and all-nighters in the med bay until he blacks out in exhaustion :) GAZE As long as he's not alone, Gaze is the guy that, if left idle for five minutes, will nap. Doesn't matter how awkward or uncomfortable the surface (or lack of it, he's fine with napping standing up too), it's Nap Time. And because he doesn't snore, most of the time people won't even know he's offline – he doesn't really have the need to blink as his eyes don't dry out (he only does it out of habit).
☕️ - do they prefer hot or cold drinks? what is their favourite drink?
CHEESE Hot drinks, all the way! For him, nothing cold can ever beat the amount of comfort brought by a good cup of tea, caf, or hot cocoa. GAZE He's ambivalent about it, both cold and hot drinks have their merits! He is very fond of iced tea, though, so he may favor cold drinks a bit more than hot ones.
🌌 - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?
CHEESE He was the last one of the squad to be created. At first, he was supposed to fill the “sunshine golden retriever, emotional glue” spot in the squad, but then – as it goes with ocs – he took over my brain and turned into a very much fleshed out character! And the first thing I decided about him? That he's a redhead 😅 GAZE Ah, Gaze, my beloved chew toy, my poor wet cat babygirl. He came to me in a vision while I listened to “The Horror and the Wild” by The Amazing Devil. I have to admit, he's still being worked on, and may have strayed a bit from the original 'vision' of what he was meant to be - but no complaints, I very much like the shapes he's taking inside my brain. And the first thing I decided about him was how did his eyes work and affected his (lack of) quality of life and demeanor.
8 notes · View notes
mysticaltigersorceress · 4 years ago
Text
...
0 notes
sevasey51 · 2 years ago
Note
Hiya, I love your writing. Would you be able to write something about Luna having a more severe/ serious seizure, and including the before and after? Thanks x
Come back to me sunshine.
Warnings: mentions of hospitals, anxiety, seizures, soft!dad Chris and scared!Luna
Hey, thank you so much for the compliment of my writing in so glad you love it- i hope you like this :)
Tumblr media
So this week had been a good week for Luna and me just medical wise and work wise which was amazing; but there had been a couple of hiccups that were unfortunate but bound to happen those being Luna fainting whilst playing rugby but she was fine, she did panic about not being able to do it again and having to go to the hospital to get checked out, coaches orders which in result of that she had a few seizures so to be honest I did see this coming but at the same time I didn’t.
Tumblr media
2 days after going to the hospital..
It was a normal Friday, I was still at home with Luna because the doctors told her to take it easy and rest up. We were just watching movies on the sofa, Luna was mentioning quite a lot that she felt ‘fuzzy’ which is what she’d say when she felt a little out of it and that usually meant a seizure was to follow. And unfortunately it did which really made my heart break for Luna because sometimes between everything that happened with her mum, the nightmares and everything else she can’t seem to get a break. And it’s even harder when she has the longer seizures because of this
Tumblr media
I had noticed about 30 minutes after she mentioned she was ‘fuzzy’ if I wasn’t next to Luna I wouldn’t have heard her whisper out.
“D-ad I think I’ gonna have a ‘it.” Luna whispered out loud.
“Okay sunshine, let’s lay you down hmm, it’s okay just let it happen.” I said to her reassuringly whilst putting her in the recovery position before it started.
“Mmm i ‘ont want it to ‘appen pl-please” Luna slurred, when she did that I really knew she was about to go into ‘the clouds’ as she’d described it when we were talking her seizures once.
“Luna it’s okay, just let it happen I know they’re not nice to have, I’m here. Dad is here. It’s okay Luns.” I started to say my voice wavering at the sight of my sweet daughter in front of me. I never admitted it but seeing Luna like this makes my heart go and I just sometimes cry because I hate seeing her like this.
Her body tense as it convulsed, her voice making her groan as the seizure continued to happen. There was no sign of it stopping or slowing and it was coming to 2:45 on the timer and sometimes they didn’t last this long but sometimes they did and it was one of those times.
Tumblr media
Around 50 seconds to a minute later Luna’s seizure finally started to slow and stop.
She slowly started to open her eyes, they were unfocused and like she was looking past me.
“Luna, come back to me sunshine” I whispered rubbing her arm lightly her eyes focused slowly as I continued to whisper and gently rub her arm.
“Luns are you back with me?” I questioned a little later after her first coming back.
“Hmhm dad - I’m- out of the clouds.” She mumbled as she smiled slightly.
“You sure sunshine?” I chucked at what she said
“I’m sure- can- can we just cuddle for the rest of the day - pl- please? She whispers still slightly struggling with her words which was quite normal for her afterwards as annoying as it was it was normal.
“Of course Luns, we just need to get some of your meds, then we can go up to my room and you can nap if you want or I can put another movie on, okay?” I replied slowly picking her up to take her to the kitchen.
“M’kay sounds good dad- i ‘ove you” Luna said slowly as she yawned
“I love you” I replied peppering kisses on her head.
Tumblr media
That’s just how it went sometimes in the Evans household Luna could have a good week or a bad one but it didn’t change a thing.
Ever.
Tumblr media
Series taglist!
@mcuamerica @wndawtch @lilithneedslove @angelbaby-fics @angelbabydoll28 @ace-of-gay @nana1000night @chrisevansonly @chrisevansobbsessed @sarahrogersevans @buckybarnesandmarvel @cevansgoatee @worksby-d @writersblog20 @youre-amazing-say-it @ellerosie2332 @dumb-fawkin-bitch @imyourbratzdoll @positivelyholland @anotherfuckingmarvelfanaccount @mrvlxgrl @stuckysgirl27 @f10werfae
If you guys would like to be added to my tag list please do comment or just send in an ask :)
Reblogs, feedback and asks are appreciated <3
146 notes · View notes
sugarmaplewings-fics · 4 years ago
Text
Helping Their S/O Recover From Surgery
Tumblr media
Pairing: BNHA Boys x reader
Warnings: Reader is in the hospital (obviously), several mentions of food and eating, medication mention, that should be it
Characters: Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Amajiki
A/N:
Wow, I actually completed a request in a timely fashion 😳
I hope this isn’t too terrible. My dad was disabled, so he had a lot of surgeries (maybe one every year or two). Ergo, I’ve had some experience being in hospitals, if not exactly in the position of the patient ヽ(;▽;)ノ It’s been some time tho, so idk, I might still be missing something.
Anyway, I hope you get well soon, @ure-a-sunflower! Thanks for the request, I’m really flattered that you think of me like this 😊 And never feel shy about sending me a hug! I love hugs :3
Enjoy!
-Sugar
═══════ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═══════ 
Tumblr media
Midoriya:
● Midoriya is the type of guy who'll sit in the waiting room the entire time you're under
● He's a little worried about you, but he trusts that you'll make it through okay
● Trust me, he has plenty of experience being in hospitals (stop breaking ur bones >:()
● He'll be right at your bedside as soon as he's allowed to, whether you're awake or not
● As soon as you're awake and he's able to, he'll give you a nice hug (gently). He doesn't care if you're still in bed, he just wants to know you're okay
● He'll spend a lot of time with you while you recover, sitting in the chair by your bed
● Please please tell this boy it's okay for him to talk. He'll tell you everything he knows about heroes for hours and whether you care about what he's saying or not, it's totally worth it just to see the big smile on his face
● Either way, he'll talk to you almost the whole time. He's actually really fun to have a conversation with! You can talk to him about anything and he'll listen
● Will also play board games with you to pass the time, or any kind of small game he can find that you can both do on your bedside table
● He'll get you anything else you might want as well :)
● Once you're discharged, he'll stick around and help you out
● Again, if you need anything, he's got you
● Need someone to cook for you? If he can't do it himself, he'll ask his mom for help (pls, she cooks the best meals and she loves you so much)
● Will remind you to take your meds
● He'll take naps with you 🥺 He knows you're probably still tired out, so he's making sure you get plenty of rest
● Helps you with any wound care you might need, whether it's cleaning it or dressing it, he'll help out if you let him
● Just very much a sweet boi, 10/10 boyfriend
____________
Tumblr media
Bakugou:
● He is very much concerned about you the whole time, he's just really good at hiding it
● As soon as he's allowed to visit you, he's there
● He'll come in quietly, scowling at the floor
● He has a bag with him that's got a container of food in it. He put a lot of effort into making it just for you, just the way you like, but it's likely he'll brush it off and claim it's leftovers
● Katsuki isn't exactly the best hospital buddy, but he'll try
● The thing is, he's not very talkative. He refuses to leave your room for too long, but he's more the type to just sit in the chair by the window (probably looking at his phone)
● You may think he's not paying you any attention, but he's spending time reading up on what condition you're in and how to make sure you recover properly
● He's there if you need him
●Will yell at the nurse / doctor if they're not taking care of you right
● Makes a comment at least once about how much he hates the smell (it's not you, it's the general hospital smell)
● Tries his best to cook for you as often as he can so you don't have to eat the hospital food there (might even give up trying to brush off how much he does for you)
● Gets you anything you need when you ask. As I said, he's not keen on leaving you in your room by yourself, but he won't say anything if you ask for something
● When it's time for you to go home, he'll just get even more clingy
● But not necessarily affectionate, oh no
● He was there when the doctor gave you guidelines for what to do during your recovery period, and he did his research
● You're not getting out of following it to the letter
● If you're supposed to stay in bed and rest, he'll make sure you're not getting up unless you absolutely have to. Also he'll do any kind of heavy lifting for you, just to be safe (and it’s totally not a bonus chance to lowkey show off how strong he is)
● If you need to incorporate more activity into your day, he'll be at your side. It's like a little date, taking a nice slow walk in the park
● He's also keeping tabs on how much water you're drinking. He always encourages you to drink plenty of water, but now he's even more on top of his game to remind you
● He'll also remind you to take your meds (aggressively but with love) :)
● And he'll drive you to your follow up visits with your doctor
● Bakugou will encourage you the best way he knows. He may come off harsh at times, but he just wants your healing process to go as smoothly as possible. He's not good with feelings and stuff, but this is how he shows you he cares
____________
Tumblr media
Todoroki:
● Another sweet boi
● He knows what it's like to visit people in the hospital (ahem, his mom), so it wouldn't be too weird for him (not that it’s all that weird for any of them)
● He'd come and see you every day, and he'll bring you a little something each time, whether it's a snack, some flowers, a game or coloring book he thought you'd like, or even a little stuffed bear (or whatever your favorite animal is)
● His visits can be weirdly short though? Like, he doesn't know what to say, so he kind of just . . . leaves? Like wait come back
● He likes it when he can get you talking. He's not much of a talker himself, so it's easier if you can lead conversations
● But if you want him to, he will just keep you company in silence
● Master at staring off into space for long periods of time
● But every time he looks over at you, he gets this soft smile on his face and he's so cute
● He's trying his best
● He'll also help remind you of things when you're back home
● He's not the best at cooking, so he'll order you anything you want and eat it with you
● I'll state the obligatory "he provides that hot/cold treatment for any pain you might have" because he does and it works
● He'll go out with you to walk around, and just generally get you back into living your life
● Yeah, he's just really glad to see that you're healthy and he’s happy to help you out so your recovery is quick and easy
____________
Tumblr media
Amajiki:
● Not gonna lie, he was a little nervous while you were having the surgery
● Not too bad, just some pacing around the waiting room, but he feels so much better once everything's over with
● Big on sitting next to your hospital bed and just holding your hand the whole time he's visiting
● Hates checking in every day (because ew, people, and also ew, walking through strange halls full of people and equipment and the lighting is funky and everything smells like hand sanitizer and—)
● But he does it for you, because you're the most important thing to him 🥺
● Oh, and he also gets really really quiet whenever the nurse comes in to check up on you and just kind of pretends like he doesn't exist for a moment while they do their thing
● He'll do something where he gets himself a boxed lunch or takeout and eat with you in your room at meal times
● Honestly though, he'll be happy when you're finally able to go back home
● He's a very sweet and doting boyfriend, and he'll make sure you're getting everything you need
● He'll do his best to help you readjust after everything, and he'll even stay by your side when you go for follow up appointments :]
● (His anxiety has that loophole where if you're ever anxious about doing something, he's able to take charge and help you out)
● Pls, I love him
═══════ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═══════
Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @basicalyrandom @hyunmin-1404 @kqtsukii @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @rainy-skys-and-bright-stars​ @sendhelpimstupid​ @xoxopam4​
418 notes · View notes
viking-raider · 4 years ago
Text
Southern Generation - Part VI
Summary: Sy officially moves in with Lily and they go on a road trip to make amends.
Pairing: Austin Syverson/OFC (Lily)
Word Count: 11,965
Warning: PG-13 - Language, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Oral - F Receiving, Drama, Pregnancy Cravings
Inspiration: Syverson is OP
Author's Note: Thanks to the wonderful @wondersofdreaming
Author's Note 2: Make sure to follow and turn on the notifications for my Tag List blog @viking-raider-taglist to stay up to date on this and all my other stories!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
“That's the last of them.” Sy smiled, setting the last box of his stuff down.
With Lily pregnant and them making their relationship official, Sy moved all of his stuff from his Austin apartment into the farmhouse with Lily.
“Well, officially.” Lily replied, resting her hands on her hips and looking up at him. “Welcome home.” She smiled, giddy and proud.
“Thanks, Darling.” He grinned back, cupping her face and kissed her.
Tumblr media
Lily smiled, as she woke up from her nap, feeling the warm and heavy weight of Sy's body in bed with her, his head in its customary place, on her chest. She usually woke up from her naps with Sy, whether or not he was with her, when she fell asleep or not. Sighing and moaning softly, she lifted her hand to twist the short, curling ends of his hair between her fingertips.
“Hm.” Sy hummed softly, rubbing his scruffy face against her chest and hugging his arms tighter around her middle, thumb stroking her tummy.
“I'm surprised at you.” Lily whispered, still playing with his hair.
“Why?” Sy moaned back, turning his head to look up at her.
“When I first met you, I half wondered what your hair would look like if you let it grow out.” She explained, running her fingers through it.
“Oh?” He chuckled, smirking at her.
“Yeah.” She blushed at him. “But, I just didn't expect the Bear, Austin Syverson, would have curls.” She grinned at him, twisting the ends of his hair between her fingers, she loved his developing curls.
“My hair hasn't been this long in ten years.” Sy laughed, blushing and biting his lip. “I've been thinking about cutting it again.”
“I will end you, Wyatt.” Lily threatened, touching the tip of her finger to his nose.
“Oh, busting out the middle name and everything.” He smirked, taking a playful snap at the tip of her finger. “Lily?” He whispered, biting the inside of his lip as he stared into her eyes.
“What?” She replied, tilting her head at him.
“Have you thought about going back?” Sy murmured, brow creasing. “Back to Middleburg, to see your grandparents. Jak isn't a threat anymore. I'm sure they would love to see you and I'd bet my life, you want to see them again. Especially now, with the baby on the way.”
Lily pressed her lips together, resting her hands on Sy's shoulders. “It would be nice to see them again.” She answered, after a long pause.
“But?” He pressed, sensing it coming next.
“What if they don't want to see me?” She asked, searching his eyes for comfort, and found it. “What if they don't want me in their life anymore?”
Sy took a deep breath, sitting up as he did, and brought Lily up with him. “Then, that's their loss.” He told her, folding her up in his arms and pressing his lips to her forehead. “If they don't want you in their life, then they are missing out on knowing one of the most amazing gals, who can light up a room, simply by walking into it.”
“You're just buttering me up, Austin.” Lily mumbled into his neck.
“Woman, have I ever lied to you?” Sy grinned into her hair.
“No.” She chuckled, blushing shyly.
“I don't intend to now, Angel.” He whispered, kissing her temple. “But, you won't know their reaction, unless you go and see them.” He added, softer.
“I know.” She whispered back, leaning against his chest. “You're right. I owe it to them and myself.”
“Whatever choice you make, I'll support you, every step of the way.” Sy told her, gently tipping her head back and tenderly kissed her.
Tumblr media
“I think I want to go see them.” Lily said, later that night, while she and Sy sat at the dinner table.
Sy looked up from his plate of spaghetti and garlic bread, slowly lowering his fork. “All right.” He nodded, straightening his back and giving her his full attention. “When do you wanna go?”
“The sooner, the better, I think.” She mumbled, shifting in her seat, her own dinner mostly untouched.
Sy nodded his head again, quietly regarding Lily from across the table. He could see the worried and fearful anxiety on her face, still mulling over every worst case scenario about seeing her grandparents again, he could almost see every one of them tick by her eyes. Afraid that her grandparents would disown her, the moment they laid eyes on her. Blaming her for what transpired with Jak. Afraid of what their reaction would be, when she showed up at their door, after five years of silence, pregnant with the baby of man they had never heard of or met before, especially since they were incredibly religious.
He reached across the table, just in time to catch the tear that escaped and started to slip down her cheek, then rested his hand over hers. “No matter what happens, Lily. You still have me.” He told her, lovingly.
“You still have us.”
Lily grasped Sy's hand and tried to smile at him and not cry at the same time, which was hard with the way her hormones were starting to really get out of control. “I know.” She choked back.
“Let me finish painting the rest of the house and go to your twelve week baby appointment on Friday, then we'll pack a bag and ourselves into the car and drive out there.” He told her, making a game plan, so her frazzled and tired mind could relax.
“It's only a twenty-ish hour drive.”
“I think, that's a good idea.” Lily nodded, chewing on her lip, taking deep breaths.
Sy smiled and squeezed her hand. “Good.” He chuckled and let her hand go, before picking his fork back up and dug into his spaghetti.
Tumblr media
Sy double checked his large, Army issued duffel bag, making sure he and Lily had enough clothing, he had her zofran, nausea medicine, and prenatal vitamin, along with everything else he, Lily and Aika would need for the almost nineteen hour drive from Celina to Middleburg, Virginia, having already put her pregnancy pillow in the car, before tugging the bag closed, slung it over his shoulder and went downstairs.
“Billie promised to keep an eye on the place and pick up the mail for us.” Lily said, meeting him in the entryway hall.
“Great.” He smiled. “Well, I got all our stuff packed.” He said, jostling the duffel bag.
“I already packed some snacks in the truck too.”
“Then, we're all set!”
“No, I have to pee, one more time.” Lily giggled, and rushed into the half bath.
Sy laughed, shaking his head and took the duffel bag out to the truck, dropping it in the back seat with Aika. “All set?” He asked as Lily came out of the house.
“I am now!” She nodded, crossing the yard to the truck and got into the passenger seat.
“Did you lock up?” He asked, getting in with her.
“Yep.”
“You good, Aika?” Sy asked, looking to the German Shepherd, who let out a loud bark. “All right, let's get this road trip underway!” He pulled up Google Maps on his phone and entered the address to Lily's grandparents' place, then set the device on its dock and started the truck.
Tumblr media
Sy and Lily laughed, as they sang along to a song that came on Sy's playlist that they both liked, Enemies by Shinedown. But, Sy turned the song down, when Lily suddenly stopped singing and quickly identified the look she got just before she threw up. Quickly popping open the center console, Sy reached inside of it and pulled out a circular, blue and white object and opened it, holding it out to her. Lily took it from him, without question and threw up in it, once or twice.
“Where did you get this?” She asked, looking at it, realizing it was a hospital-grade nausea bag. “Did you rob a hospital?” She chuckled, looking over at him.
“No.” He laughed back at her. “I bought them off Amazon. I wasn't sure if you got car sick on long rides or not. But, I was sure the baby would make you nauseous, at least, once on the drive. So, I wanted to be prepared and make you as comfortable as possible in the process.”
Lily tied the used bag closed, then opened the center console and found another twenty-plus of the blue emesis bags inside. She smiled up at him, shaking her head in disbelief of his utter and complete thoughtful and preparedness.
“You never cease to amaze me, Austin.” She said, sitting back up. “You see how amazing your Daddy is.” Lily grinned, looking at her belly, and making Sy blush.
“Well, I gotta take care of ya, don't I?” He smirked, resting his hand on her thigh.
“Yeah, I suppose.” She sighed, smirking back at him.
“There's some Listerine strips in the center console, by the way.” Sy added, after a few quiet moments.
“I'm sorry, am I offending you?” Lily giggled, opening the console again and fished around for them, before finding the small blue case.
“No, no.” He grinned, chuckling. “Just figured you'd want to get the taste out of your mouth.” He explained, finally getting them on the interstate highway.
“Did you pack my nausea meds?” Lily asked, feeling another wave wash over her.
“Yeah. It's in our bag.” Sy nodded, brow creasing, as he tried to figure out what stupid shenanigans the car in front of them was up too.
Lily twisted in her seat and pulled the worn green bag between the front seats, tugging it open and riffled through it, until she found the little prescription bottle of tiny, white oval tablets, then turned back around. She removed one of the pills and cracked open one of the two bottles of Voss water in the cup holders and downed the pill.
“Why don't you rest?” Sy suggested, reaching behind her seat for her pregnancy pillow. “It's just going to be annoying highway stuff for a while.” He said, giving her the pillow.
“I don't want you to get lonely.” Lily protested, maneuvering and situating the U-shaped pillow into a comfortable position.
Sy smiled over at her. “I'll be fine, Angel.” He assured her. “If I get lonely, I'll talk to Aika and we'll play the quiet game.” He chuckled, looking at the dog from the rear view mirror. “I'll wake you up around one, and we'll find some little place to have lunch.”
“If you're sure.” Lily yawned, she was usually already in the middle of a nap by now.
“Positive, Sweetness.” He nodded, turning the heat on a bit to make sure she was kept warm.
Lily contorted her body in her seat, drawing up her legs and propping her head and the curve of her pillow against the window, wrapping her arms around it and hugging it against her body, before dozing off to sleep. Sy reached out and rested his hand on her leg, gently massaging it as he kept his eyes on the road, just listening to the hum of the tires on the worn asphalt of Interstate Forty fill the silent cabin of the truck; Aika curled up on the backseat. The quiet boredom of the road allowed the devil to whisper into Sy's ear.
He wasn't sure what to do, if Lily's grandparents, the people that raised her, rejected her, and not only her, but their great grand-baby, his child. He knew he had to be strong for Lily, it would crush her, if they wanted nothing to do with her and the baby, but Sy wasn't so sure he would be able to keep himself under control. He had a feeling he would end up giving the couple a very big piece of his mind, before bringing Lily back home to Celina.
“It'll be fine.” He said aloud, glancing over at Lily. “It'll be all right.” He assured her sleeping form, leaning over just enough to lay his hand on her belly.
Tumblr media
Sy found a turn off into Memphis just before one in the afternoon, parking at a small riverfront park in downtown Memphis, giving Lily a quiet place to wake up and all three of them a place to stretch their legs, and Aika a place to pee.
“Hey.” Sy called, softly, shutting off the car and leaning across the console. “Lily. Wake up, baby.” He cooed at her, brushing his knuckles against her cheek and tucking her hair behind her ear, kissing the corner of her mouth. “Hey, sweet pea.” He grinned, watching her eyes slowly flutter open, blinking at the bright sunlight glittering off the murky river water.
“Where are we?” She asked in a sleepy voice, rubbing her cheek against the microfiber cover of her pillow.
“The home of the King, Memphis Tennessee.” Sy chuckled, teasingly, and kissed her again. “So, love me tender.”
“I'm all shook up.” Lily chuckled, unfolding herself and sitting up in her seat.
“Well, it's now or never, baby doll.” Sy roared, his head going back.
“Oh, don't be cruel.”
“But, I can't help fallin' in love.” He chimed back.
“What now, my love?” Lily asked, smirking at him.
“I knew there was a reason I loved you.” Sy commented, finding more and more of them every day. “But, I thought we'd get some fresh air and stretch our legs, I'm sure Aika has to pee. Then, we'll find some lunch.”
“I like that idea.” Lily nodded, pushing her pillow into the back seat, then climbed out of the truck, taking the used nausea bag with her to throw away, while Sy put Aika on her leash.
Sy took Lily by the hand and strolled down the little sidewalk along the riverside, watching the various types of boats go by them on the water. The weather was nice and warm with pleasant enough humidity, a few clouds floating in the baby blue sky.
“Are you craving anything specific?” Sy asked as they patiently waited for Aika to do her business in the grass beside them.
“Hmm.” Lily hummed, pressing her lips together and considering if there was something specific she wanted for lunch; she hadn't had any definitive cravings yet, other than the three days she really needed to eat Mac and Cheese.
But, something specific did strike Lily.
“A pretzel.” She purred, already licking her lips at the thought of the salty baked good.
Sy chuckled at her, amused at the expression on her face, eyes closed and dreamy. “All right. I'll get you a pretzel then.”
It was like a ding went off in Lily's soul. “I want a lot of Pretzels.” She said, eyes popping open and looked up Sy, almost manic and desperate.
“Okay.” He replied, brows raised and blinking at her. “I'll get you a pretzel for lunch, then some to munch on.”
“Yeah.” Lily nodded, staring down at their feet, eyes wide. “Pretzels are good.”
“That they are.” Sy agreed, snickering, unable to keep back his amusement.
Lily's eyes snapped up at him, watching him laugh at her, his eyes practically teasing and making fun of her. “Shut up.” She snapped, but started to laugh back at him. “I can't help it.”
“I know you can't.” He nodded, trying to stop, but it only made him laugh harder. “That's what makes it even better.”
“I hate you.” Lily giggled, playful punching him in the arm. “Now, I want my pretzel, Captain.”
“Yes, Major!” Sy replied, saluting her, then quickly cleaned up after Aika and took them back to the truck. “I just need to find a place to get you one.” He sighed, taking his phone off its dock and googled where to get a pretzel in Memphis, Tennessee.
“Okay, there's an Auntie Anne's not that far from us that does pretzels.” He said, saving the directions and setting them in that direction.
Leaving Aika in the car, Lily and Sy went into the shopping center the Auntie Anne's was in, navigating the crowd and line to the counter. Lily chewed on her lip for a moment, torn between getting a regular pretzel or the pretzel bites, before finally deciding on the bites with the nacho cheese dip. With her food, they navigated their way around again and Sy got himself something from the Wendy's the center had as well, before going back out to the truck to eat there; Lily stealing a couple of Sy's french fries and sharing a couple of her pretzel bites.
Once their lunch was finished and they tossed their empty containers away, Sy made a quick run into the Mega Wal-Mart across the street from the shopping center to buy a big bag of mini pretzels and a case of Voss water for Lily, knowing she was going to get very thirsting from devouring them.
“Thank you.” Lily said, when Sy gave her the bag as he got in the car, her eyes glued on the bag.
“Just don't turn into one.” He teased her, chuckling. “All right, let's get back on the road.”
“I don't want you driving all night, Austin.” Lily mumbled around a mouthful of pretzel.
“I know and I won't.” He replied, reaching a hand into the bag. “I'll go until sun down, then we'll find a place to sleep for the night.” He said, then crammed the four or five pretzels into his mouth.
“Good.” Lily smiled, passing back a pretzel to Aika, who quickly devoured it and came back for more.
Tumblr media
Reaching Blacksburg, Virginia just after dark, Sy found a drive-thru to order them dinner and a motel for the night, parking out front of the motel's office. Sighing, he rested back in the driver's seat, scrubbing his palms over his tired face and lulled his head to the side to look over at Lily, who had fallen asleep again, twisted around her pillow and her half eaten bag of pretzels clutched to her chest. They were three hours away from her grandparents' orchard, three hours from finding out whether or not they would be in Lily and the baby's life.
“Watch her, girl.” Sy said to Aika, before slipping out of the truck, locking the doors for extra measure, and going inside the office to get a room.
Once he had the room, Sy got back into the truck and parked as close to the room as he could, before going around and opening Lily's door, careful not to let her slip out. Then, gently took the pretzel bag from her and set it aside, unbuckled her seat belt and tried to figure out for a moment how to untangle the mess of limbs and pregnancy pillow, but quickly gave up with an amused chuckle. He just picked up both her and the pillow to carry her into their room and laid her down on the bed, tugging the turned down blankets over her, then went out to get their bag, dinner and Aika.
“Hey, Angel.” Sy smiled, closing the room door with his foot as Lily sat up, rubbing at her face and pushing her hair out of her face. “I got us some food.” He said, holding up the bag.
“You hungry?”
Lily nodded, still sleepy. “Where are we now?” She asked, sitting cross legged on the bed, beside Sy as they ate their food.
“Blacksburg.” He replied, shoving fries in his mouth. “About three hours away from your grandparents' place.”
Lily bit her lip and nodded her head, staring at the half eaten, plain chicken sandwich in her hand, suddenly losing her appetite and set it down. “I'm gonna take a shower, I'm sore.” She mumbled, getting off the bed and headed into the tiny bathroom.
Turning on the light and closing the door, Lily let out a heavy breath and tugged her tank top off over her head, followed by her elephant patterned leggings and underwear, before turning towards the shower, the walls were dingy and discolored, but clean. Spinning the hot and cold taps, then stepping under the shoddy shower-head, she leaned her forehead against the cracked acrylic wall, letting the pleasantly warm water cascade down her back, like a waterfall, with a soft moan. She was starting to have second thoughts about going to see her grandparents. She wondered how upset or disappointed Sy would be, if she told him she wanted to go back home to Celina in the morning, instead of going the three hours to Middleburg to see them.
She wondered how disappointed in herself she would be later on, if she chickened out this close to their destination.
The bathroom door opened and closed, followed by the rustle of clothing, before Sy stepped into the shower behind Lily, resting one hand on her hip and brought the other one around to cup the gentle slope of Lily's belly, pressing his lips to the base of her neck. Gulping down a thicket of emotions in her throat, Lily turned in Sy's arms and pressed herself against his chest, nuzzling her face into his neck. He smiled against her wet hair, gently kneading her hips and lower back, knowing after so many hours in the car and the way she contorted her body to sleep, she must have been in pain.
“Let me take care of you.” He whispered, kissing her forehead.
Sy picked up the little bottle of travel sized, hotel shampoo, broke the seal on it and poured it into his broad palm, then gently massaged it into her hair, stealthily wiping away a line of soap that dripped down her forehead and almost in her eye. Lily closed her eyes, softly moaning at the gentle and pleasurable pressure of Sy's strong and blunt fingers working the scentless shampoo into her scalp, his thumbs moving out to methodically rub her temples, easing the edge off of the tension migraine she had all day. Sy tipped her head back into the spray of the shower, combing his fingers through her wet and soapy strands to rinse out the shampoo. With her hair washed, he found a small wash cloth and bar of soap, and started to wash her body, beginning with her shoulders and applying a little bit of pressure as he did to massage the cramped muscles there.
“God, that feels so good.” Lily sighed, melting under his tender affection, a smile twitching on her face as he rubbed the cloth over the ticklish spots of her sides.
Sy smiled, kissing the bridge of her nose. “Anything for you, Angel.” He cooed back, paying special attention to the beautifully growing bulge of her belly.
“Thank you.” She whispered, relaxed and sleepy, after they got out of the shower, letting Sy dry her off and secure the towel around her body.
“You're welcome, Sweetheart.” He replied, kissing her cheek.
Lily went back into the room and opened their duffel bag, just pulling out the first article of clothing that her hand came in contact with, which was Sy's worn, Jack Daniels, Tennessee Whiskey t-shirt and let the towel slip off her and pulled on his shirt. Sy stood in the bathroom doorway, still naked and dripping from the shower and smiled at her, loving how the black garment hung on her like a dress, her shoulder length hair dripping and making it wet as she brushed it.
He had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life.
Moving over to the full sized bed, Sy situated her pregnancy pillow, then turned towards Lily. “Lay down, Angel.” He cooed at her.
Frowning at him for a moment, but seeing the look in his blue eyes, Lily chuckled and laid down, situating herself with her head and neck propped up on the belly of the pillow and her body comfortably cradled in the middle of it. Sy picked up her discarded towel and used it to dry off some, before turning off the room lights, then crawled into bed with her. Moving between Lily's legs and gently bending up her knees and pushing them apart, Lily's startled gasp filled the dark room as Sy's warm breath wafted over her exposed folds, just before his wide tongue took one long and leisurely lick.
“Jesus H. Christ!” She cried out, gripping the arms of her pillow.
“Just me, Angel.” Sy chuckled, hooking his arms around her legs, so they rested on his shoulders, and pressed his palms down on top of her thighs, to keep her still, before dipping his head back down and pressing an open kiss to her clit, flicking the tip of his tongue against it, melting Lily into a sweet and needy whimper.
Sy licked and suckled at her delicate pussy, slipping his tongue between her folds to tease her entrance and get a deeper taste of her, lewd noises filled the room as neither of them hid the pleasure they were in and having. Lily rocked against his mouth, her hands pressed to the back of Sy's head to hold him in place, eyes rolled and fluttered, her anxiety of not wanting to go to her grandparents' in the morning completely forgotten in the heady peak of her orgasm.
“I love your mouth.” Lily sighed, out of breath, exhausted and pleasantly numb.
Sy roared with laughter, laying down beside her. “Good to know.” He grinned, pulling the blankets over them and draping his arm over her. “Good night, Angel.” He whispered, kissing her cheek.
“Night, Bear.” She mumbled back, starting to drift off.
Sy stayed awake for a little while, his hand slipping up inside the shirt she was wearing to gently caress her belly and stared at the back of her head. “God,” He whispered, careful not to wake or disturb her. “I don't ask much of you. But, for whatever my word is worth, please don't let these people hurt my girl. She needs and wants them in her life, so does our little one.” He said, lifting his hand to gently stroke her damp hair.
“Let this meeting tomorrow go well, for all of us.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and hugging Lily back against him.
Tumblr media
Lily took a deep breath and held it, as Sy turned the truck off the main road and onto the dirt road leading onto the Warren Orchard farm, seeing the tall apple tree shaped sign with Warren Apples carved elegantly in its trunk. It wasn't long before they came to the closed security gate, shutting them off from the rest of the farm. Sy rolled the truck to a stop and looked over to Lily, lifting a brow at her, waiting for her to tell him what they should do next, when a voice came to life next to him.
“Welcome to Warren Apple Orchards, what can I do for you?” A deep Southern drawl asked from a mounted intercom box outside the driver's side window.
Sy rolled down his window and leaned closer to the box, spotting the security camera mounted above the one side of the gate. “Yeah, we're here looking for the owners of the place.” He replied, glancing over at Lily again.
“Mr. and Mrs. Warren aren't taking visitors just now.”
Lily huffed through her nose and leaned over the center console and Sy. “Tell them, Liliana wants to see them, Judd.” She called out, biting and pressing her lips together.
There was a long pause with a bubble of tension, before an electric buzz filled the humid air around them and the metal gate rolled out of their way. Lily sat back in her seat and Sy gave her a concerned look, before driving though.
“You know him?”
“He's worked here as long as I can remember.” Lily replied, staring out her window to the immaculate lawn and row of trees beyond that. “Just keep following the road, you'll find the house at the end of it.” She added, picking at the hem of the shorts she was wearing.
True enough, a few minutes later, a massive colonial, plantation house appeared behind ancient weeping willows. Made mostly of white stone with two stories of wrap around porches and ornate black railings, tall marble columns, from the foundation to the roof; what looked like five chimneys, three turrets and an apple tree weathervane. The driveway looped around the front of the house, leading up the stairs onto the porch was double french, front doors.
Sy was in complete awe of it as he pulled around to the front of the driveway. “This place is amazing.”
“Yeah.” Lily gulped, biting her lip and stared up at the house. “Oh dear god.” She whimpered, shrinking her seat, trying to hide.
“What?” Sy frowned, then noticed a whited haired man step out of the house, wearing a pair of light brown khaki pants and a black pull over sweater with the Warren Orchard's logo on it, an apple with an arrow threw it, the front of the arrow's shaft bent in the shape of a W.
“I'm guess, that's--”
“My grandfather.” Lily nodded, peeking over the edge of the door to look up at him. “Yep.” She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut and pressed her forehead to the window.
“Well, you can't hide forever, Angel.” Sy told her, tilting his head at her. “He knows we're here and this is more than likely us, sitting here.”
“I know.” Lily huffed, chewing her lip. “I know.”
“You can do this, babe.” He encouraged her. “I'm right here, Angel.”
Lily looked over at him, looking at him like a lost puppy, before taking a deep breath and fortifying herself. “You're right.” She nodded, leaning over and kissed him.
Taking another deep breath, Lily opened her door and stepped out of the truck, gulping as she looked up the steps to her grandfather. Her heart felt like a war drum in her chest, she was excited to see him again, he didn't seem any different from the last time he had seen him, at least, not from the distance they were at.
But, she was also afraid of what was about to happen next.
“Paw-Paw.” She called out to him, softly, her voice shaky.
“Liliana.” He replied, lifting a snowy brow at her, his honey-brown eyes scrutinizing her.
“I've missed you.” Lily blurted out, sniffling, tears burning her eyes. “I'm sorry I disappeared. I'm sorry I just ran away and I didn't tell either of you where I was going or why. That I stayed away for so long without a word.”
“But, I thought about you all the time.”
He stared hard at her, crossing his arms over his chest. “You scared the daylights out of your grandmother and I, Liliana. We tried looking for you everywhere, but you just vanished into thin air, like you never existed.” He told her, his anger slowly showing on his face.
“We thought you were dead.”
Lily bowed her head, ashamed for what she had put her grandparents through. “I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention, Paw-Paw.” She choked, looking back up at him, breathing hard.
“Then, what was your intention, Liliana?” He barked at her, his eyes glowing with rage. “Who are you?” He hissed, as Sy came around the front of the truck to wrap an arm around Lily's waist, to comfort her.
Sy looked up at him for a moment, his eyes hard at the man. “Austin Syverson.” He replied, hugging Lily against his side and rubbing her back.
“Your relation to my granddaughter is what?”
“I'm her boyfriend.” He replied, narrowing his eyes at the other man. “Look, she's come here, because she misses you both, very much, and has regretted the way she left. But, she had to leave, she had a very valid reason in doing so. In reality, she's an adult, more than capable of making her own choices and doesn't have to answer to anyone as to why she's made them.” He told Lily's grandfather.
“That includes you.”
“But, she's gained the strength to come here to try and make amends with you both, for more than one reason. You can either accept that or you can not. What happens now, is up to you.”
“Davy, who is it?”
A voice called from the double doors behind Lily's grandfather, before it opened to a thin, elderly woman with a short, curly pixie cut, who struggled to wheel herself out of the house and onto the porch. Her dim and pale blue eyes almost instantly found Lily at the bottom of the porch stairs, her hands flew to the front of her flower pattern dress, mouth dropping open.
“Liliana!” She exclaimed, reaching out a hand to her husband.
“Mee-maw.” Lily sniffled back, smiling at her grandmother through her tears.
“Thank the Lord, you're all right, my sweet child.” She cried, pressing a hand to her mouth.
“I am.” Lily nodded, wiping at her eyes. “And, I wanna be part of your lives again. I want to make amends for what I did by running away and disappearing. I'm sorry, I hurt you and Paw-Paw.”
Lily's grandmother looked up at her husband, who was still glaring at Lily and Sy, pressed her lips together, then looked back at them. “Come inside.” She said, letting his hand go and turned her wheelchair around and headed back towards the door.
“Davy.” She called over her shoulder.
Sighing, he turned and pulled the door open for her, eyeing Lily and Sy as they mounted the porch stairs, then followed his wife inside the house, before doing the same. She rolled down the hallway and turned into the private study, motioning to the long leather couch and parked herself in front of it.
“Hello.” She said, looking at Sy as he sat down beside Lily on the couch.
“Ma'am.” He replied, politely nodding his head to her.
“Who might you be?”
“Austin Syverson, Ma'am.” Sy answered with a sweet smile. “I'm your granddaughter's boyfriend.”
“Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Syverson.” She replied, regarding him. “I'm Violet Warren, and this is my husband, Davis.” She said, motioning to him as he took a seat in a chair to Lily and Sy's left.
“Sir.” Sy said, nodding his head stiffly to him.
“You're looking well, Liliana.” Violet commented, turning her attention to her granddaughter.
“Thank you.” Lily whispered, licking her lips. “I just go by Lily now.”
Violet nodded her head. “Very well.” She acknowledged. “Where've you been, Lily?”
Lily drew a deep breath through her nose and slowly let it back out. “It's a long story.” She whimpered, gripping Sy's hand for support, chewing the inside of her cheek to bits.
Davis and Violet glanced at each other, before she leaned forward and took a small hand bell off the coffee table between them and rang it. A moment later, a young lady appeared in the doorway of the room and Violet asked her to serve them some tea. The tension was tight and thick in the room while the tea was being made for them, no one saying a word to each other. The servant returned, carrying in a highly polished tea tray and set it down on the coffee table, setting out teacups for the four of them and filled the cups, before leaving the room again.
“What is your story, Lily?”
Carefully drizzling a bit of honey into her tea with a honey dipper and taking a fortifying sip of it, Lily started her story. “You know that I had been seeing Jak.” She said, looking between her grandparents.
“We did.” Violet nodded, taking a sip of her own tea.
“Well, what you didn't know was Jak had been abusive to me.” She continued, staring into the rich and steamy liquid in the expensive china teacup. “He had been the entire time we were together. But, I was too naive and silly to break it off with him for the longest time. But, after a particularly bad incident, I decided I couldn't take it any longer. So, I packed a bag and went to live with Maggie. I didn't tell you-” She paused, brow creased, she had often thought about why she hadn't told them, but had never really pinned down a specific reason to why she hadn't.
But, she shook that thought off.
“I honestly don't know why I hadn't. All I knew was I was terrified of Jak finding me again and dragging me back into the life and situation I had been living in for so long with him. While I was with Maggie, I changed my name from Liliana Jade Warren to Lily Ana Moore, to make it harder for him to find me, which made it hard for the both of you to find me, and finished university.” She continued on. “After I did that, I moved to a very small town in Texas and started my own company for my Graphic Design and Photography.”
“It's how I've been supporting myself.”
“I was so consumed by my paranoia and fear of Jak finding me, that I never left the house I bought in Texas, five years ago, this is the farthest I've been from it, since I've moved there.” She confessed, looking to Sy, who smiled at her, supportive and proud.
“What's changed?” Her grandfather asked, his own teacup still where the servant set it, ignored and cold. “Why are you here now?”
Lily cleared her throat and set her tea aside. “I left and became reclusive, agoraphobic, because I felt unsafe and afraid. That Jak would end up finding me and hurting me. He did end up finding me, but Austin...” She looked to Sy, her eyes filled with appreciative love and pride. “Austin makes me feel safe again. He's protected me, in more than one way, and he's shown me what real love is. I owe him so much.”
Sy grinned brightly at her, gripping her hand, a bit choked up at her words.
“He's helped me get back to this place, a place I've held onto, wanting to be a productive member of society, to be back in your life and be your granddaughter again. I miss you and I love you both. That never changed and it will never change.”
“That never changed for us either, Lily.” Violet replied, resting her teacup back on its saucer. “You will always be our precious granddaughter and we have always loved you; from the moment you were born to this moment right now.”
“I hope you could find it in your heart, to have a little more love.” Lily whispered, biting the inside of her lip, gulping.
“For what?” Violet frowned, brows drawing together and head tilting at her.
Lily looked to Sy, who nodded his head at her. “Sy and I are expecting.” She mumbled, not meeting either of her grandparents' eyes.
“You're with child?” Violet asked, shocked disbelief in her voice.
“I am.” Lily nodded, whimpering.
“I hope you're not here, thinking this little reunion will get you money.” Her grandfather snapped, coldly.
Lily's eyes snapped over to him, a cold knot of shock, hurt and anger in her stomach, she could feel the tension stiffen Sy's body. “We don't need any of the family money.” She hissed, eyes hardening. “My business alone is quite well off, thank you; and I'm more than offended at the accusation.”
“That's putting it politely.” Sy chimed in, staring daggers into the old man.
“Davis.” Violet barked, offended at her husband's insult as well, she had no feeling that Lily and Sy were there looking for money or assistance with their lives or the baby.
“Excuse me, for the last time I recalled a couple sitting on that very same couch to tell us they were expecting a child, it was our sweet Daisy and that good for nothing, Palmer, and we all saw how that ended.” Davis replied, his voice cold and sharp.
“Austin isn't my father.” Lily barked, her voice mirroring her grandfather's.
Lily and her grandfather glared darkly at each other, before Violet grew annoyed with their childish behavior and clapped her bony hands together, catching the room's attention.
“That is quite enough.” She scolded them.
Sy hid his smirk around the rim of his teacup, already liking Lily's grandmother.
“How far along are you?” Violet asked, looking at Lily.
“Almost thirteen weeks.” She replied, unconsciously touching her belly.
“Do you know what you're having?”
“Not yet.” Lily grinned at Sy, giddy at the thought of finding out the gender of the baby, she didn't care if it was a boy or a girl, she was just excited in general. “We won't know for another five weeks.” She added, glancing over at her grandmother.
“Well,” Violet grinned, her eyes lighting up. “I can't wait to meet my great-grandbaby.” She said, sounding overjoyed at the prospect. “Davy?” She looked to her husband, her eyes still filled with excitement, but outlined with warning.
Davis looked at her for a moment, then over at Lily, before looking down at the watch on his right wrist, then stood. “I have to meet Mac in the south orchard.” He said, tonelessly, and left the room.
Lily let out an uneven breath and painful tears punched her in the chest, turning her face into Sy's collarbone as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her against his side, pressing his lips to her hair. Violet's mouth was pressed into a thin, angry, lipstick red line as she continued to stare out the study doorway after Davis, the rapturous event of finding out about their great-grandbaby being overshadowed by his stubborn pigheadedness.
“I think we should go.” Sy said to Lily, gently wiping away her tears.
“Please, do stay.” Violet chimed in, turning her attention back to them. “There's more than enough room right here.” She said, looking back and forth between Lily and Sy. “Please, it's been so long, Lily. You've been gone and so far away. Town is twenty minutes away and with you here now, two minutes is too far away.”
Lily looked up at Sy.
“It's up to you, Angel.” He whispered, brushing his thumb against her flushed cheek.
She looked over at her grandmother. “Of course, I would love that.” She whispered, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.
Violet smiled at her, relieved to have her granddaughter under the same roof again. “I'll have Clara set two extra places at the table.” She grinned, overjoyed. “I'll even have her make your favorites for lunch and dinner.”
Lily smiled at her, touched at her grandmother's sentiment. “Thank you.”
“You remember where your room is?” She replied, lifting a brow at her.
“I do.” Lily nodded her head.
“Then, I won't keep you any longer. I'm sure you must be tired with the baby and the long journey from Texas.”
“I am.” She agreed, sighing softly.
“Off you both go then, the bell will ring, when lunch is ready.”
“Thank you, Mee-Maw.” Lily said, nodding her head and stood up, Sy standing with her.
“Ma'am.” Sy nodded his head to Violet, then followed Lily out of the room and down the hall to a flight of stairs. “Well, that didn't go as badly as the two of us thought it would.” He commented, mounting the stairs behind her.
“No, it did not.” Lily replied over her shoulder, going up the three sets of stairs. “I just hope my grandfather comes around.” She added, coming to the second floor and going down to a door at the very end of the hall. “This is...was—my room.” She said, turning the vintage, metal and ceramic door knob that had a hand-painted gold floral design on it, and pushed the door open.
The bedroom was spacious and bright with the mid-morning sun shining in through four windows, between one set of windows sat a squat, five compartment, vintage chest of drawers, across from that was a full sized, poster bed, with the doorway to a bathroom to the left and a walk-in closet to the right. There was a bookcase and table against the wall by the door, mostly filled with church and home school related things.
“It's a nice room.” Sy commented, picking up one of the books on the table, a bible.
“Thanks.” Lily smiled, shyly, seeing that her grandparents had left her room the exact way she'd left it, when she moved out.
“Do you wanna rest for a little while?” He suggested, stepping up behind her and resting his hands on her hips, gently pressing his thumbs into the small of her back and massaging them.
“Yeah.” She moaned, her head dropping back against his chest, turning to kiss the underside of his bearded jaw.
“How about a nice warm bath first, maybe a cup of tea?”
Lily chuckled into his neck, grinning. “So dotting, Captain.” She teased him.
“I love you.” He cooed, kissing her forehead, then moved away from her and went into the bathroom, plugging the drain on the ancient claw-foot tub and turned the X-shaped tap handles.
Lily padded into the bathroom, sitting down on the closed toilet seat and pushed down the stress of her grandfather's behavior towards her, to watch Sy fill the bath for her, a soft smile on her face. She stood up for a moment and reached underneath the sink and removed a small bottle and handed it to him. Sy smiled at her and took it from her, uncapping it and getting the strong snap of eucalyptus and sprinkled the Epsom salt into the delicately warm water, before turning off the tap. He grabbed a towel and folded it, then situated it at one end of the tub, to pillow her head, when she started to soak.
“Now, where is the kitchen?” He asked, looking at her.
“Down the stairs, first door to your right.” Lily replied, getting out of her clothing.
“Cool, I'll be right back.” Sy told her, kissing her temple and stepped out of the room to go downstairs to get her tea.
Lily finished undressing and carefully stepped into the pleasantly warm water, leaning back with a soft and satisfied moan, focusing on the warm water enveloping her body easing away her aches and pains, melting away the anxieties that had accumulated during the drive over from Texas and the visit. While Sy found the kitchen and pushed open the swinging door, finding the cook, Clara, inside, who looked up as she heard him come in and wiped her hands on her apron.
“Can I help you?” She asked, lifting a brow at him.
“Um, just need a cup of tea.” He replied, licking his lips and glancing around the kitchen.
“Oh, of course, right away.”
“I'd hate to put you out.” Sy said, alarmed.
Clara chuckled at him, pulling down a cup from a high cabinet. “It's what the Warren's hired me for.” She assured him. “I'm guessing it's for Lily.” She added, moving about the kitchen as she put the things together to make the tea.
“Yeah.” He nodded, then patiently waited for her to finish and took the cup from her. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” Clara smiled, and returned to what she had been doing.
Sy carefully took the cup back upstairs to Lily, smiling as he stepped into the bathroom and saw her lounging comfortably in the tub. He was glad she could relax and let the stress go, even if it was for a little while. Lily stirred as he sat down beside her, smiling at him and taking the cup of tea from his outstretched hands and let out a pleased moan.
“Feels like a spa day.” She chuckled, handing her teacup back to Sy for him to hold, so she could relax back again.
“You deserve to relax.” Sy replied, softly. “You've got an important job to do.”
“Yeah, I'm growing a Syverson.” Lily chuckled, teasingly.
“Exactly.” He laughed back. “That's no easy feat to bring one of us into the world.”
“Bringing a Syverson into the world is just the start of it, then we have to raise them.”
“Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble.” Sy grinned at her. “Nothing, but trouble.”
“Toil and bubble.” Lily giggled, fully amused and lighthearted.
“Come on, sleepy, out with you.” Sy said, setting her empty teacup on the vanity counter and pulled the towel off the bar and held it open for her.
“Okay.” Lily replied, stifling a yawn with her hand.
Stepping out of the tub and into Sy's arms, she rested her forehead against his chest and let him dry her off. Sy had taken a liking to drying her off after she showered or bathed, since she'd become pregnant, none of which Lily protested to, she was usually very sleepy by the time she got out of them, so having him there to finish up was always nice.
“Oh, fuck.” He barked, after helping back into her clothing. “Your pillow is still in the truck.”
“It won't kill me to have one nap without it.” Lily said, through yet another yawn.
“You were a very cranky mama bear the last time you didn't have that thing to sleep with.” He reminded her. “I'll go down and get it, just sit tight.”
“I'd rather lay tight.” She huffed, starting to get cranky as she shuffled over to her bed and laid down.
Sy rushed back downstairs and nearly collided with Violet. “Oh my god, I am so sorry.” He panted, making sure she was all right. “ Are you okay?”
“I'm fine, where's the fire, Mr. Syverson?”
“Lily's laying down for her nap and I just realized she doesn't have her pregnancy pillow and she always wakes up very cranky, when she doesn't have it to sleep with.” He explained, calming down.
Violet smiled up at Sy, touched and pleased at the plain devotion he had for her granddaughter. “Well, we can't have that, now can we?” She chuckled, rolling back out of his way.
“No, ma'am.” Sy shook his head at her.
“Violet, Mr. Syverson. Just call me Violet.” She informed him as Sy reached the front door.
He paused, hand on the door and smiled at her, remembering when Lily told him to call her by her given name. “Of course, Ms. Violet.” He nodded at her, politely.
Violet smiled back at him and Sy went out to his truck.
“Hey, girl.” Sy said, opening the passenger door of the truck and only to get attacked by Aika's tongue. “I know, I know. I haven't forgotten about ya. I promise.” He chuckled, petting her. “I'll come back down in a couple minutes and take care of you. But first, I have to take care of your mama.” He said, reaching in the back seat for Lily's U-Shaped pillow, pushed Aika back and closed the door again, before rushing back upstairs.
“Okay, pillow.” Sy said, bursting into the room, only to find Lily curled into a ball and sound asleep, making him chuckling. He situated her pillow and gently unrolled Lily from her ball and slipped her between her pillow, before covering her up.
“Sleep sweet, Angel.” He whispered, kissing her cheek softly, then went back downstairs. “Um, do you know where Ms. Violet is?” He asked the servant that had served him and Lily tea when they had first arrived.
“Yes, she's in the private study, right through there.” She replied, pointing the way.
“Thank you.” He nodded, then went down, gently knocking on the door.
“Enter.”
“Ms. Violet?”
“Ah, Mr. Syverson, I'm trusting the pillow crisis was averted?” She asked, an amused glitter in her eyes.
Sy chuckled. “It was, thank you.”
“Then, what can I help you with?”
“I, uh, brought Lily and I's dog with us...” He said, sheepishly, though Lily's grandmother seemed like a very sweet woman, Sy got the vibe she was the authority in this household and crossing her wasn't the way to go. “She's in my truck and I didn't want to take her out without asking first, so I didn't step on any toes and cause any issues with you and your husband.”
“What kind of dog is she?”
“She's a German Shepherd.” Sy replied, licking his lips. “I found her in the war-zone on my last deployment.” He half explained to her.
Violet blinked several times at Sy. “You were in the military?”
“Yes, ma'am.” He nodded, with a deep sense of pride. “I was a Captain in the U.S Army, Special Forces, for more than ten years.”
“What's the pup's name?”
“Aika.”
“Well, Aika is more than welcome here.” She told him. “As long as she behaves herself.” She added, a soft smile on her face.
“She's a very well behaved dog, you have my word.” Sy replied, smiling back at her.
“Good.” Violet nodded. “Just make sure you keep her out of the orchards or Davis will have a never-ending fit.”
“Will do.”
Excusing himself, Sy went back out to the truck and put Aika on her leash, walking her around the front of the property and away from the orchards, making sure to clean up after her, then brought her inside, taking her upstairs to Lily's room, where she curled up on the bed with Lily, before he decided to do a little exploring himself before lunch.
He wandered into the orchards, seeing the short trunks, but wide crowns, light green and shiny apples weighing down its branches and a couple littered the ground. There easily had to be a hundred trees of the same sort for as far as Sy could see in the area he was in, before he moved on. Sy came to a small dirt lane and crossed it into a totally different portion of the orchard, these trees were still squat and wide, but the apples on their branches were medium sized and mostly two toned, a dull red that faded into a yellow-y green color.
He crossed another dirt road and found another orchard of another kind of apple, this one a light yellow color, when he heard voices and then his name and turned, seeing Lily's grandfather, realizing he had wandered into the south orchard.
“What are you doing out here?” Davis asked, approaching him.
“Just looking around.” Sy replied, keeping his tone guarded. “Lily's told me a lot about the place.”
“And where is she?”
“Back at the house, sleeping.” Sy told him, his shoulders stiff. “She gets tired a lot with the baby.”
“Hm.” Davis huffed and turned on his heels.
“What's your problem?” Sy barked after him, unable to hold his temper any longer. “She just wants her grandfather, the man that raised her, back in her life, in her child's life. Not your money or your business, just your love and affection.”
Davis spun around on his heels to face Sy. “I might have raised her, because my Daisy died, and her father was an unreliable scum, but she's making the same mistake her mother did. I won't be part of that again.”
“I won't be there when it kills her too.” He hissed, then stormed off.
Tumblr media
Lily woke up to Sy's angry pacing at the foot of the bed and cursing under his breath, and sat up, rubbing at her eyes. “What's wrong, Bear?” She asked, frowning at him.
“Your grandfather is a pigheaded, son of a bitch.”
Her mouth fell open for a moment, then her brows drew together and her eyes narrowed. “Did the two of you get into an argument?”
“Sorta.” He huffed back.
“For the love of Jesus, Austin.” Lily barked at him, pressing her hands to her face. “Why?”
“I didn't go lookin' for it, Lily.” He retorted, stopping his pacing. “I was just checking out the orchards and ran into him. One thing came to another, I asked him what his problem was, all you want is his love and affection back, not his damned money or his orchard, and his reply was you're making the same mistake your mother made and you'll end up dying because of it too.”
“Which you will fucking not!” He added, a panicked fright breaking through his burst of anger.
“Of course, I'm not going too, Bear.”
Lily sighed, shaking her head and running her hand through her hair, before getting up out of bed. “I'll be more than all right. We have a great doctor and an amazing hospital back home. Plus, I have you to take care of and look after me, the whole time. I'll be perfectly safe and sound.” She told him, hugging her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest.
“Don't listen to him, Sy. He's just a grumpy old man, set in his ways.”
“What's that make me?” He asked, half jokingly.
“My boyfriend and Papa Bear.” She giggled, tilting her head back to look up at him.
“Good to know, Mama Bear.” He teased back, dipping his head to kiss her. “The fuck was that?” He asked as two loud dinging sounds filled the house.
“That is the lunch bell.” Lily replied, pulling away from him. “One ding is breakfast, two is lunch and three is dinner.” She explained to him, finding her shoes and slipping them back on. “Old Virginian hospitality, Syverson. I know you Texans aren't used to it.”
“Oh, you posh and polished Southerners.” He teased back, following her downstairs. “Give me the ringing of a triangle any day and this cowboy will know the way to the dinner table.”
“Remind me to buy one for our house, then.” Lily giggled, showing him into the family dinning room.
“Buy what for your house?” Violet asked, already seated at one end of the table.
“Oh, Sy was making fun of us for being—what did you call it?” She asked, looking at him as he vigorously shook his head at her. “Ah yes, posh and polished Southerners, for having a meal bell.” You grinned at him, impishly. “While, pointing out the Texas Cowboy in him could only find his way home, if he heard the call of a triangle bell.”
“I said, I would be able to find my way to the table. I know my way home, thank you very much.” He spoke up, his cheeks pink underneath the hairs of his beard.
Both Lily and Violet's laughter filled the dining room, but Sy soon joined them. But, the laughter died down as Davis entered the room, taking his place at the other end of the table, practically sucking the air out of the room as he took his seat.
“How is the south orchard doing?” Violet asked, as lunch was being served.
“One of the original York apple trees is starting to fail for some reason.” Davis replied, picking up the salt shaker. “Mac and I were running through a list of things we can do to save it.” He explained, paying closer attention to his food than to the others at the table with him.
“This looks really good.” Sy commented, licking his lips at his plate.
“It's one of Lily's favorites.” Violet smiled at him. “Creamy Shrimp pasta.”
“I used to try and bribe Clara into making it for every meal once for a whole summer.” Lily chuckled, twirling the angel hair pasta around her fork. “Never worked out.”
“Didn't deter you from trying though.” Violet chuckled, smiling fondly at her granddaughter. “I'm more than sure you'll love what Clara is making you for dinner.”
“I have no doubt.” She smiled back.
“Oh, Mr. Syverson, if you'd like a place to park your truck, I'm sure Davis could show you where the garage is.” Violet said, her eyes on her husband.
“Thank you, Ms. Violet.” Sy replied, smiling at her. “And, please, call me Sy or Austin, whichever you might prefer.” He told her, a bit shyly.
“Austin, it is.” Violet answered, giving him a sweet smile. “But, you can do that for him, can't you?” She said, lifting a brow at her husband, with an expression that dared him to object to her request.
Davis stared at his wife, his hard brown eyes holding Violet's stern blues, before his shoulders dropped slightly. “I'll show you after lunch.”
“Thank you.” Sy replied, stiffly.
Lily rested her hand on Sy's thigh, gently squeezing it, trying to keep him calm and relaxed. “How have the orchards been?” Lily asked her grandfather, trying to open any sort of connection with him. “I know picking season is coming up soon in the next few months.” She pointed out, gathering up a forkful of her shrimp pasta.
There was a long silence at the table, each second made Lily's heart clench tighter, fearing her grandfather would just continue to ignore her and pretend she didn't exist. She didn't know how much more of his coldness she could take, before it became too much to bear and she would just want to leave again.
No matter how much it would hurt.
“Other than the York tree showing signs of white rot, the orchards are as productive and fruitful as ever.” He finally spoke.
“What happens if you don't cure the white rot?” Lily frowned, concerned for the tree.
“We lose the tree.” Davis sighed, resting back in his chair and tossing his napkin onto the table beside his plate. “It'll only be the third originally planted tree on the farm we've ever lost. Well, with any luck the rot won't spread and it won't hit us too hard.” He explained, looking at her.
“Just because you lost one, don't mean you'll lose more.” Lily replied, holding his gaze.
Davis dropped his eyes and nodded his head, sighing, then looked up at Sy, noticing his empty plate. “You done?”
“I am.” Sy nodded, wiping his mouth.
“Come on, and I'll show you where the garage is and you can park your truck.” He said, standing up, leaving his half eaten lunch on the table.
“I'll be right back.” Sy whispered to Lily, kissing her cheek and stood, following her grandfather out of the house.
The walk from the house was silent as they stepped off the paved driveway and onto a pea gravel lane that led a little ways away from the house, through a small grove of very ancient looking weeping willows to a large building with several vehicles parked outside of it.
“You can park it here.” Davis said, motioning to the area in front of them.
“Thanks.” Sy nodded to him, then turned back to get his truck.
Bringing his truck around and finding a place to park it, Sy got out and and grabbed their duffel bag out of the back and locked up, heading back up to the house; when Davis stopped in his tracks, noticing the duffel bag slung over his shoulder; the worn military green and the faded, black U.S letters.
“Something the matter?” Sy frowned, turning back to him.
“That's a military bag.” Davis replied.
“Yes, it is.” He nodded, shifting it on his shoulder and tilting his head at the other man.
“It's yours?”
Sy's shoulders slumped and he stared at the old man. “I served more than ten years in the U.S Army as a Captain in the Special Forces.” He explained to him. “I retired almost a year ago.”
“How did you and Lily meet?”
“As I said, I retired almost a year ago and I returned home to Austin, Texas.” Sy replied, sighing. “Even though I could live quite well on my retirement, I don't like not having a job or being idle. So, I went about applying for jobs, mostly jobs I could do with my hands, construction jobs and such. A construction company told me about a contract that they had gotten from a young lady, who needed help fixing her place up in Celina, which is about three hours south of Austin. I called about it and got the job. I'm sure you guessed, it was Lily.” He smirked, chuckling to himself.
“I started fixing the place up for her and we grew close, especially after we helped each other through a few traumatic things.”
“Like, what?”
“I have pretty severe PTSD from my time in deployment and Lily's gotten me through more than one episode.” Sy smirked, blushing slightly and toeing the ground with the tip of his boot. “She's the guiding light to holding them back.” He whispered softly. “As for her, she's been through a lot in the last five years, especially the fear and turmoil caused by Jak.” He said. “There's nothing on this planet, there hasn't been anything on this planet, I wouldn't do to ensure her happiness and safety.”
Sy looked Davis dead in the eyes, a deep seriousness coming over him, even though he had a knot in his stomach. “Listen, your granddaughter isn't a little girl anymore. She's a grown woman, and a beautiful, loving and intelligent one, at that. She's so incredibly caring for the people around her, even when she's been so hurt and her trust in people has been cut deeply. Her work ethic is admirable, she built a company from the reclusion of her own home, that she hadn't left in more than three years, and it is thriving. She's even currently in the process of interviewing people to fill two positions, because she has so many clients, that she's in need of the extra help.”
“You're projecting the fear of your daughter’s mistakes and death on Lily and it isn't fair to her, or to you and your wife.”
“My Daisy Mae's misfortunes aren't the only failures that have me disappointed in the situation.” Davis said, rolling his jaw at Sy.
Sy huffed at him, biting his lip and nodding his head at him. “You think I'd be some, what was it, unreliable scum, like her father?” He asked, lifting a brow at him.
Davis sighed back at him, scrubbing a palm over his wrinkled forehead and lifted a brow at him. “Come with me.” He said, motioning him back towards the house.
Pressing his lips together, Sy followed him back up to the house and into Davis's private study, setting the duffel bag down by the door as Davis closed it behind him. Davis motioned to a leather and mahogany upholstered chair in front of a cold fireplace, then moved over to a small table of bottles and glasses, pouring them both a drink. He handed Sy a glass and took the seat across from him, taking a long sip.
“Smooth stuff.” Sy commented, licking his lips and admiring the rich, amber liquid.
“Maker's Mark, Kentucky bourbon whiskey.” Davis replied, smirking at his glass, appreciatively.
“Anyhow.” He cleared his throat, balancing his glass on the arm of his chair. “Palmer Hughes. He came to work here in the summer of 1985, he was twenty years old and Daisy was eighteen. I knew the boy was trouble the moment I set eyes on him and knew I should have sent him picking.”
“But, for whatever reason, and against my better judgment, I didn't.”
“He took an instant liking to our Daisy, who was ordinarily a good mannered, well behaved and proper girl. But, as soon as he set his eyes on her, he started corrupting her. He would stop coming to work in the fields to sneak himself and her off the property and go into town or wherever it was they would go to. Daisy started to become more defiant and rebellious. One of our church elders even spotted her and Palmer with a group of their lowlife friends in a questionable area of town, getting high, smoking and drinking.”
“It was such an embarrassment.” He sighed, taking a deep gulp of his drink. “When Daisy was twenty-one, she came to her mother and I and told us she was pregnant. Palmer had split the moment he found out about it. But, I tracked his no good ass down and dragged him back. He and Daisy got married just before Lily was born.”
“What happened?” Sy asked, frowning at him, the burn of the alcohol melting through the knot in his stomach as he thought about it. “How did her mother die?”
“She developed a hemorrhage that the doctor's couldn't get under control, so she ended up bleeding to death.” Davis explained, growing pale at the memory of the doctor's telling him and his wife the news of their daughter’s death, their only child. “For his part, Palmer did seem distraught over her death. But, he blamed Lily for it. So, he spent the rest of her life coming in and out of it, before Violet and I finally just adopted her and permanently took care of her.”
“It was Violet and I that ended up naming Lily, as well. Daisy hadn't picked one, that we were aware of, and Palmer wasn't being cooperative with anyone, us or the hospital staff.”
“Where is her father now?”
Davis sighed and carefully regarded Sy for a long moment, before replying. “He died, some years ago.”
Sy blinked at him, shocked. “You never told Lily this.”
“No.” He shook his head, guilty. “Vi and I thought it would be best that we didn't.”
“That's not really for either of you to decide.” Sy frowned at him, annoyed. “Lily deserves the truth.”
“I know she does.” Davis agreed. “I'll tell her, one day. As for you, Austin.” He met Sy's eyes. “I've unjustly projected my prejudices of Palmer onto you. You are, not even an ounce, the man he was. You are a man I wish my own daughter would have met and fallen in love with. But, I am glad my granddaughter met, fallen in love with and is having my great-grandbaby with you.”
“Thank you.” Sy answered, taking his compliment and finished off his drink.
282 notes · View notes
kodzukenscorner · 4 years ago
Note
hi! i was wondering if i could get a matchup pls? im a 5’4” girl w brown curly hair + pale. im the therapist friend (despite being a disaster). i always carry extra snacks & meds for others. im shy at first but chaotic around close friends. im an overthinker (thx anxiety). i hope to work w kids in the future! i like spending time w friends (idc what we do, i just like their presence). i love all documentaries (doesnt matter what its about) and naps. im very teasing & have dark humour. thank u!
Tumblr media
Your match is...
Sugawara Koushi
Suga is a laidback guy who is more than happy to spend a chill day at home with you
He loves watching interesting documentaries with you and if you fall asleep on his chest while watching? His heart will burst
But he also likes to be with your close friends and just have a fun time with them as well
Generally just down to do whatever you’re in the mood for
He also loves kids and works with them on a daily basis so you guys would just be the sweetest duo ever
He’s a very good listener so if you ever need someone to lean on, he’s there for you
He knows how much you care about your friends and he greatly admires that but he also wants you to know you don’t have to shoulder everyone’s burden on your own
He’s typically a very sweet guy but he also has his crazy side that he let loose every now and again
Thinks your dark humor is hilarious and can match it with ease
He’s a sweetheart who’s favorite pastime is spending quality time with you
Runnerup:
Miya Osamu
2 notes · View notes
hyatt-death · 4 years ago
Text
my computer screen has started to separate. its still working nothing is broken other than the fact that i cant move my screen without risking my screen falling apart so like im gonna call a computer repair shop tomorrow to see if i can bring it in and hopefully it doesnt cost a whole lot to fix it cuz i have like $100 max to fix the screen and thats will me having like nothing left by the end of the month and i hope its an easy fix that takes just like not along time so i can like still have my computer tomorrow
0 notes
kayvsworld · 7 years ago
Note
kay pls share your productivity & mental health tips
!!! okie dokie!!!! some productivity & mental health tips from someone who struggles a ton with both:
[tip zero: try a bunch of stuff and find out what works best for you. do you need visual reminders? do you need to write things down? how much time do you need for things? try stuff out, and if it doesn’t work, move on to a different thing]
tip one:
my most important Day-To-Day Being Functional tip: make a goddamn plan my dude
have a to-do list on your phone or a bullet journal or Something so that you Know what you need to do because your brain will not remember ever and when you ask it what needs to be done it’ll be like “nothing” or “EVERYTHING AND IT’S IMPOSSIBLE”
depending on where you’re at, this can mean setting up 9 reminders to take meds and also shower and also Eat A Real Food. that’s fine and okay and there’s nothing wrong with needing reminders for basic life tasks. u gotta use whatever system works pal
PUT YOUR SCHEDULE IN YOUR PHONE or have it in a little agenda or something that you can bring around with you. i went from attending Zero classes to attending All of them in exactly 1 week with this cool fun tip. give yourself something to look at with your real actual eyes that you have on hand that will tell you what you’re supposed to be doing. your brain will lie to you and tell you that it’s a lot more than what it is and that it’s Impossible. your to-do-list/schedule/weekly plan will tell it to shut up on your behalf
tip two (okay it’s highkey just tip one point five but hey whatever): make a Reasonable™ plan
if you know you have brain troubles, take a minute to stare at the ceiling right now and accept that you have some brain troubles. then plan accordingly
have realistic expectations of what you can get done in a day. have realistic expectations of what you can do last minute. Know what obstacles you have to work around, regardless of whether or not they’re the Same obstacles that Everyone Else is working around, and plan around them (ex. giving yourself extra time, setting up extremely specific “drink some water kay u gremlin” trackers in your planner,,)
plan for things with the expectation that you’re going to be at a mental health level of -9999999999 at all times (which will both be super great for when you actually Do have a super bad day, and will also make you feel extra good when you can get more than you planned for accomplished on a good day!)
three: your brain is very stressed. pls give it tiny chunks of responsibilities to work with
break things into small pieces. you’re not going to write a good paper in a day, and if you TRY it’ll be massively stressful and you’ll feel terrible afterwards and it’ll just be a super bad time. do a little bit at a time 
have a big reading? do a chapter a day. have a bad day? read a page or two. it’s better than nothing and doing a little bit at a time before the due date will save your life when it’s midnight the night before your thing is due and you’re too busy having an anxiety to even start the thing
i have a project due late november. i am telling myself that the major part is due several weeks beforehand so that i have time to catch up if i messed up on it at some point! i am telling myself that the research needs to be done by the 4th at the latest. I know that if i leave it and follow the actual deadlines i will not get it done until literally the day before and i will Die Of Anxiety so i will not do this
four: eat? sleep? eat and sleep
set up a sleep schedule (a realistic sleep schedule. if you know you’re not going to be in bed at 9pm don’t lie to yourself my dude). stick to it as best as you can. if you need a nap, plan time for a 20 minute nap. if you don’t sleep your brain will just get worse and be less helpful. just lying down with your screens off for a few hours even if you don’t sleep is way better than nothing!
eat a real actual food! pls don’t try to live off of tea and, like, some crackers. i have tried this 0/10. doing the food thing takes energy, but if you plan in advance when you’re doing well, you’ll have something to fall back on! I have fruit cups and a bunch of healthy snacks set up in my room for extra bad days. a nice time
try to buy some cheap emergency non-perishables in bulk so that if you, like me, haven’t managed to go grocery shopping since the end of september, you will still have canned veggies & beans and frozen fruit and some rice and stuff. 
5: hey have you noticed that all of my tips are just “make a plan” re: slightly different parts of your life? this one is too i’m a fake tip maker
are you too anxious to do an important thing? 100% completely stuck and screaming into the void? well, thanks to the nifty plan you already set up as per the first two “make a plan” tips, you’ll know that this giant important thing is ACTUALLY some smaller, less scary things standing on each others shoulders under a trench coat and Pretending to be impossible to tackle. 
move down the list until you find something that seems kinda doable. do it, then circle back and find another part that seems the most ok. that way you’re kind of building momentum! if you absolutely can’t do anything on this list, maybe try doing something else (not time-consuming, don’t procrastinate) that will give you a little sense of accomplishment to kickstart the process!
general brain struggles tips:
being kind to yourself is hard. do your best anyway. if you notice yourself thinking mean thoughts abt yourself that have no business being there, shush yourself internally in your best “my dog is barking” voice and move on! would you say that stuff to your best friend or your pet or a ten-year-old you? replace the bad thing with a nice thing, even if the nice thing feels super fake at the time
“but these things are all true!! i’m a terrible person and–” nah dude here is your honorary shushing from me. “this is a thing i made but it’s horrible and it’s so messy and–” shh i love it and it’s good enough because you’re good enough etc etc. i’ve heard a couple of people suggest thinking abt your shitty negative thoughts as like,,,some edgelord asshole on like. twitter or something. thank you for your input, jeremy, i’m going to go actually do shit now, if you don’t mind,
physical activity actually does help and i can’t believe i thought it was a lie this whole time. stretch! go for a quick walk if you can! 
go outside if you’re able to! fresh air and a little break is good for you!!
i’ve started making lists of things that i like that make me happy. it’s very cheesy but it’s a nice thing to do to settle down and then you can look back on it like “oh shit there actually is stuff i enjoy. sweet”
reaching out to other people can help a lot! friends & family are cool, but also there are a lot of resources out there where you can ask questions and someone will give you tips (especially at university. thanks university)
if you don’t have anyone to reach out to, for whatever reason, congratulations you are your own cheerleader now!!!! a great job to have!!!! you are your own parent and your own tutor and it’s now your job to give yourself Cheesy Pre-Fantasy-Battle Level Pep Talks and make sure you’ve got your shit kind of together. walk yourself through the facts surrounding the hard thing! make a blog where you can flood yourself with cheesy positive messages and inspiration! make a journal so you have something to vent to! leave yourself helpful sticky notes on your door so that you don’t forget that you need to bring a specific thing somewhere. 
progress is progress. progress is something to be celebrated, even if you’ve just gone from Very Super Bad to Slightly Less Bad. done is better than perfect and progress is better than perfection etc etc 
Summary: 
make a plan that you can fall back on
n o, make a REASONABLE plan,
break things down until they’re in small enough pieces to be manageable
eat and sleep are important things. do those 
u know the tips from 2 and 3? it’s that, that’s the tip
do your absolute best to be kind and patient with yourself
I BELIEVE IN YOU
15 notes · View notes
lemmingsandwolves · 7 years ago
Text
Insomnia
So it’s opening up time!
I’ve suffered from insomnia for years of my life and it’s such a pain but I do my best to deal with it. For example! Last night I slept very little - went to bed at 9:30pm and 11:30 I was still literally wide awake and tossing and turning and just thinking “pls sleep pls just let me brain be quiet pls pls” but that just frustrates me and then I get angry and can’t sleep even more. I got up at 11:30 and went downstairs as my brother got home so I talked to him until about midnight, then I went back to bed. 1am. 2am. 3am. And I was still lying there. I drifted off sometimes after 3 and then my alarm went off at 6 and had to get up. I’ve tried the whole “sleep hygiene”, I’ve done everything my counsellor has told me but nothing works.
Then during the day I just get exhausted. Today I got into school at 8am and had a free first lesson so decided I’d go sleep until 9:30, but guess what! Couldn’t sleep! Not even a nap was possible, even though I was in a quiet room with a blanket and headphones. By this afternoon I was practically falling asleep in maths and then biology but now it’s 10:15pm and I’m wide awake again. I’ve had no caffeine or anything, I’ve even taken my anxiety meds and I know I’m exhausted but I’m awake and I won’t be able to sleep.
Anyway it’s something I’ve had to put up with and I have to try to study with but it’s difficult and it’s a challenge, and it makes my other mental illnesses (depression, anxiety and OCD - although I often can’t sleep because of my OCD making me get up and do things) considerably worse. Nevertheless, I got 100% in my biology test which was a very pleasant surprise and I’ve got another few tests next week before the Christmas hols! I’ve been told by all my teachers not to do work and to rest over Christmas but I need to work so that’s not going to happen. Still, it’s nice to know my teachers aren’t putting pressure on me to work so I can do as much or as little as I like.
1 note · View note
katrinawritesthings · 8 years ago
Text
Onjongtae; blngh; PG
listen jinki with chronic pain is important to me
Jonghyun crouches by the bed and pets Jinki’s thigh gently, giving him some small comfort. “Do you want your heating pad?” he asks. His hand plays with the low drawer of the bedside table, ready to pull it out if he needs to. 
From: Jinki 6:34 pm Can you come take away my pills pls
Jonghyun sighs at his phone as he reads the text, rubbing his thumb worriedly over the ridges of the case. One of these days. It’s worse than he thought it was. He gets up from his blanket nest on the couch quickly, making his way down the hallway to Jinki’s bedroom.
He knocks gently on the door before pushing it open, peeping into the dim light of the room with as much of a little smile as he can muster through his concern. Jinki smiles back weakly from where he’s sitting up in bed, both hands gripped tightly around his water bottle. Jonghyun recognizes that immediately as Jinki forcing himself to keep his hands away from his pain meds. He switched to a non habit-forming brand months ago, but Jonghyun knows that he still struggles with it sometimes. Especially on days like this where his back hurts much more than usual.
“Hey,” he says softly, slipping quietly into the room so as to not wake Taemin. He’s on the bed next to Jinki, one arm around Jinki’s thigh and his soft little face smushed against his pillow. His soft snores fill the room and Jonghyun feels a real fond smile quirking up his lips in spite of his reason for being here. They’re cute together. He steps up to the bedside table and quietly picks up Jinki’s pills, slipping them into his hoodie pocket and out of Jinki’s reach. “Has it gotten worse?” he asks softly.
“Mmmh. No,” Jinki whispers back. He shakes his head and Jonghyun watches him stare at where his pills disappeared for another second before he squeezes his eyes shut. “Just. When you start the day at a seven, they only dull it to around a three or four.” He takes a slow sip of his water through his straw. Jonghyun nods, understanding. He knows. Jinki’s been in bed all day trying to be thankful that his pills are letting him feel only average pain instead of extra pain. He checks Jinki’s little journal and sees that he took his medicine at nine this morning. That’s not too bad.
“Two and a half more hours, and then you can take another, okay?” he says gently. Jinki grimaces, but nods. He doesn’t deserve this, but at least it’s better than the time he had to ask Jonghyun to take his pills away around noon. Jonghyun crouches by the bed and pets Jinki’s thigh gently, giving him some small comfort. “Do you want your heating pad?” he asks. His hand plays with the low drawer of the bedside table, ready to pull it out if he needs to.
“Maybe just,” Jinki murmurs. “The thin one.” He taps his water bottle lightly and wiggles his finger in demonstration. Jonghyun nods, pulling open the drawer. Just the one for his lower back, and not the full cover one. He takes it out, carefully pulling apart the velcro as quietly as possible and then sliding it around Jinki’s waist. While Jinki fixes it up around himself, Jonghyun plugs it into the extension cord and twists the dial up to the medium setting that Jinki favors.
“Okay,” he breathes, setting the controls next to Jinki’s pillows. “Want me to keep you company until it’s done?” he asks. Jinki nods over his water bottle and Jonghyun nods back. Okay then. When Jinki puts his water on the table and then lowers his hand to Jonghyun, Jonghyun takes it easily, holding it between his own two hands. He rubs it gently, pressing warmth into it, bringing it up to his lips to kiss lightly.
On Jinki’s other side, Taemin makes a sleepy, muffled noise. The two of them turn to watch him shifting in his sleep, wiggling closer to Jinki and nuzzling his cheek into his sweats. Jinki’s other hand pets his hair gently out of his face. In Jinki’s face, Jonghyun sees fondness and care but also a tiny bit of regret. He holds Jinki’s palm up so he can rest his cheek comfortably in it.
“You shouldn’t have snapped at him,” he says, quietly but clearly. Jinki winces, his next breath leaving him in a slow sigh. He closes his eyes and Jonghyun watches his hand slide up to Taemin’s on his leg, holding it loosely.
“I know,” he mumbles. “I just.” He sighs again, shaking his head. Jonghyun knows he’s remembering Taemin’s sudden silence, his hurt, confused expression, the way he curled into himself and left the bathroom with his head down and his anxiety through the roof, his shakiness and avoidance all throughout breakfast. It was only after several hours that he finally detached himself from Jonghyun, and Jonghyun could hear the way his voice shook from down the hall when he asked Jinki if it was okay for him to nap in there hours after that.
“He just wanted to help,” Jinki says. “But, just. The painkillers hadn’t kicked in yet, and I couldn’t find the toothpaste cap, and I told him I didn’t need help but he still asked again, and.” He shakes his head tiredly and takes his hand from Jonghyun to rub over his face. “He knows I hate being asked things I’ve already answered,” he mumbles. “Both of you do.”
“I know,” Jonghyun hums. He knows. He knows that repeating himself is the one thing that Jinki hates to do, that he doesn’t say things unless he means them, that he sees checking for confirmation as not trusting his word. “Still,” he says. Taemin didn’t deserve that.
“I know,” Jinki says again. “But, he’s. We’ve.” He flaps his hand weakly between himself and Taemin. “We figure it out,” he says quietly. “We always do.”
“Mmhmm,” Jonghyun says. They always do. Never through spoken words, but with shared touches, meaningful looks, quiet time spent together. They understand each other well. He creeps his hands up onto the bed to hold Jinki’s again, nuzzling against it and just brushing his lips against his skin. He has ten more minutes before it’s time to turn Jinki’s heating pad off and leave them alone again and he wants to spend them in calm, comfortable silence.
They pass by steadily, not quickly but not slowly either. Jinki moves his hand to pet Jonghyun’s hair gently, and then to cup his jaw and rub the back of his neck warm. His eyes have slipped shut but he’s not sleeping, just relaxing. Taemin shuffles and shifts every now and again, squeezing Jinki’s leg close for comfort. Jonghyun is enjoying this quiet time together, just existing with both of his babes in the same room at the same time.
Eventually, the time comes for Jonghyun to remove Jinki’s heating pad before he melts into the bed. He pats Jinki soothingly when he gives a tiny pout, pulling open the velcro and tugging it away as quietly as possible. Jinki grimaces as he gets comfortable without it, but Jonghyun is a least satisfied knowing that he hurts a tiny bit less than before.
“What do you want for dinner?” he asks as he folds it carefully and puts it back into the bedside table drawer. It’s his turn to make it and if Jinki has a preference than Jonghyun will easily go with that.
“Mmmh,” Jinki hums. He shrugs, shaking his head lightly.
“Whatever you want,” he says. Then, “something warm,” he adds. “Maybe with potatoes.” He gives Jonghyun a pleading little look with his serious face and Jonghyun nods.
“Okay,” he agrees. “I’ll bring it to you both when it’s ready,” he says. They can all eat slowly in here, together in comfort. Jinki nods his agreement and Jonghyun stands, bending to press the tiniest of kissies to his temple. He leans further to peck Taemin’s sleeping cheek as well, then quietly slips out of the bedroom, pills jiggling his hoodie pocket.
41 notes · View notes
Text
I kinda just wanted to write this out so pls ignore 😂😂 idk just my anxiety seems to have taken over my personality more than I ever reapised or maybe its always been there but now I'm more aware of it?? But legit like idk if im ever gonna be just "normal" again? Like these meds have turned into a crutch but also the worst thing I am so tired all the damn time I sleep for 12 hours every day if I can and I still nap and its not normal but the last thing I want to do is go back to the doctors again because I am so sick of taliing about how I feel becausr I dont even understand it myself UGH and I keep having really awful thoughts like really impulsively like what if that car hits me and drags my body along the road like ???? Where does thay shit come from??? Or imagining coming home and seeing a body?? Same for lift doors opening and its legit weird af and makes me so anxious. I feel like I need therqpy but I cant be bothered to be put through that ringer again and end up going nowhere. I'm sick and just needed somewhere to write it all out because atm my bf is really ill abd stressed ahd I dont want to jave to add to all of that so maybe its best I dont tell him. I kind of tried to before but idk I think he took it the wront way so I don't wanna bring it up again but fuck me I am exhausted 😩
0 notes