#i meant to say for now

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

It's just guys night talk! Don't worry about it!

(Read Tiger Tiger and shake this man awake so he can finish that thought!)

[roppiepop]

Who’s coming to the cookout?

[iwilllearntowrite]

Right I will learn to write as soon as possible I need to get this all out. I need to sort things out. I want to sort myself out I want to be better. I want to escape the fog I want to recover my memory I am so curious of what I will uncover or reveal what I will learn. I hope I can reflect on, and serve as a reflection of. I am so shaken I have always been running out of time. My thoughts have always been too fast for writing there are always three lines, within me there are always three lines of thinking happening simultaneously (same timeframe) in a parallel form (same space ?), at least three. I’m using voice command and trying to slow the pace of my speech the piece of my speech I will probably edit later, I might not. There’s so much to do so much to get to and I want to connect through writing I don’t want to get lost in the illusion of connection through writing. I want to make sure I remain humble and rooted. I think I have an issue with being too grounded, so maybe I will get to try to experiment with “grandeur” within this space The anonymity while also being fully public and accessible, yet on a website that is so niche is really intriguing to me. I don’t expect this post to reach anybody this blog I don’t expect any of my thoughts to be revolutionary or pretend for them to be worth anybody’s time really, I just selfishly want to develop my writing, be able to speak out of love to speak out of hatred to speak out of fear or defeat speak out of overconfidence or insecurity and unsafety. For this blog to let exists and give a space to my plurality which I find I am unable to do through hand written words. To be more specific : hand written word that is readable after. Handwritten words that aren’t scribbles. and now I’m getting lost in my thoughts and I can’t remember where I was that I don’t want to read over I think I will just accept that I am lost right now and follow that for a bit Maybe it’ll bring me an entirely new place of I want the fullness of my being to be able to expand and exist exposed here for each post to be an incarnation of different states all of which I would be the author. I really struggle to speak in absolutes. I think this is a blog where I want to allow myself to be wrong. I see so many around me be wrong and I let them sometimes because I understand the purpose of it. I have been so scared of being wrong to think the wrong things for my thoughts to not make sense for my thoughts to not be novel enough This is very flow of consciousness and it is so purposeless and such a waste of time definitely for anybody that reads it though I actually can’t speak for others and I should stop doing that, and should be asking if it is a waste to me. I don’t like the idea of waste of time. It is connected to so many Things that I want to detach myself from and that I feel need to be deconstructed. I hope that through this space I can explore and expand my humanity and be more involved and conscious of the things happening within and around me I want to detangle at least some of the numerous thoughts I have and to at least form the ability to be able to keep a trace of them. For now the material I am working with (contents of my foggy brain) is quite underwhelming, but maybe eventually it could lead to some thing? Or maybe it is still attached to the ideal of greatness, of “enough”, of purpose ? Does it need to lead to something? I’ve been really pondering the necessity of things. Of anything and everything being purposeful, not questioning the goodness in that, but questioning the necessity. Similarly I’ve pondered the necessity of things needing to be “good” in art for it to be something of value, the ideal of “value” also being some thing that really is… it’s impossible to say in such a short I think I may lack the words and the processing abilities for an hour. I think what I’m trying to say is I struggle to articulate my thoughts on value, because for now it is hard to compute the amount of directions of thought I could go in and it has gone far beyond the three lines of thought

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[loosethreadsofyoursoul]

destiel is just. you weren’t made for me. we weren’t made for each other. we were both made to serve heaven. but because of the love i have for you, i created a better way; i forged a better life. you weren’t made for me, and i wasn’t made for you. but here, in this one life, we chose each other. in an infinite number of universes we’ll never know, we don’t exist in, we didn’t mean this much to each other. but in this one, despite everything, we chose each other anyway.

[tennant-davids]

DOCTOR WHO Journey's End / Wild Blue Yonder

[shellshooked]

winter season ft overdressed gf + underdressed bf<3

[thedeadtravelfast]

Adar: Do you know what he offered me? Children.

half the fandom at that phraseology:

the other half:

[demigods-posts]

i've been thinking about that scene in ep 3 when annabeth apologizes to percy before pushing him into the lake. and on the surface, it seems like she's apologizing in advance for her actions. but what if she's actually expressing sympathy toward percy for how his life will change once his father claims him? once he has to suffer through the same torment as thalia did? once he becomes the outcast amongst the group of demigods who understand his struggles but will do little to help him through it?

[feelo-fick]

more misc au art... (the last two are unrelated but shh)

GAAAHHHH i promise ive got actual stuff cooking im just scared to post it/motivation to finish art Hard :"D clutching my head... always forever 24/7 thinking about them...

[fortycumber]

the sounds of muffled screaming is me fangirling into my pillow with a big sheepish grin on my face.

[artharakka]

Beautiful, But Broken

[puppetmaster13u]

Meme Prompt 10

[egophiliac]

Did peepaw come home?!

HE DID! :D! luckily it only took me three ten-pulls; I think my past experience of being so thoroughly denied a Fairy Gala Ortho made me more worried than I should have been. may the gacha blessings pay forward to everyone else! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

so far this is hands-down the funniest Lilia card, because he'll say something all edgy and badass in that deeper ~General Vanrouge~ tone and then follow it up immediately with one of the non-card-specific cutesy Lilia lines, and it gets me every time

[freaky-flawless]

The De Nile sisters!

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.