#i meant to do it all day but i kinda fucked it up on twitter

[gu6chan]

99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????

[wintersera]

"so are you ovulating?" || ningning x succubus!reader

notes: i actually wrote this fairly quick, but finding the right pics for the moodbaoard actually pissed me off erm.. but first of all FIRST NINGNING FIC WE CHEERED (a/n i forgot to say this was a part two of the succubus!reader thing soooo here’s the link!)

cw: tail sex (kinda), succubus!reader, top!ning, bottom!reader, mentions of a singular man

wc: 4k

after the ‘feeding on your unnie’ incident that had happened a few months ago, your performance was phenomenal. with all that energy you gained from that one night, plus some extra other nights following from then with jimin unnie, it was as if your every move, every note and every emotion was amplified by tenfold. you were on fire and the audience could feel your passion for performance burning brightly with every stage you did.

your mentors and managers commented on how energetic you had been for the past couple of months, how your performances were absolutely phenomenal, the knetz weren’t on your ass - which was surprising since almost half of them were all the time. the western fans said that you were, quote on quote,“serving cunt” in the recent solo weverse live you did… whatever that meant. even your own members were surprised at how active you were throughought day and night. 

but like everything in life, things weren’t bound to stay all too well.

a few days ago you tripped on stage, and to make matters worse, it was in front of your fans. the audience heard a small little thud and spotted you on the ground looking at the ceiling for a few seconds before you stood up embarrassingly. luckily this was the first take, you had other opportunities to do your very best with the smidge of energy you had left. 

knowing your fans, particularly your stans - either they��d make a meme out of you spacing out on the floor, or, they’d spam hashtags all over twitter saying “SM PROTECT YOUR ARTIST” or something around those lines.

not only did that happen, but whilst you were preparing to record your lines in the studio, that familiar pain you would get whenever you were starved from energy came back ten times worse; it felt like you were being pierced in the stomach.

jimin noticed your pained expression and squeezed your shoulder in reassurance as she entered the recording room, but it kind of translated wrong in your head, causing you to moan out loud into the mic in front of your directors - not to mention you could hear yourself through the headphones echo. jimin chuckled lightly “what’s up with you?” then left the room a moment afterwords.

fast forward to the present day. a mundane and repetitive one. you had a photoshoot early in morning and a small meeting sometime in the afternoon and then you were free to do whatever you wanted afterwards. you thought that maybe some vocal lessons later in the evening would distract you, but you were pretty sure your vocal teacher was out with his husband drinking today. good on him, it buys you more alone time, and alone time makes you think about what to do about your situation. 

on to more pressing matters, aka your raging desire for sex. 

it randomly hit you hard while walking back from the company to your local seven eleven. you thought to distract yourself with buying a sweet treat for everyone, but instead you began to feel dizzy “ouh.. this isn’t good” there wasn’t a bunch of groupies following you around the block to your own misfortune, and it was still bright outside.so what was there to do about that urge?

it’s not like you could message jimin unnie out of the blue and ask to fuck. where was the decorum? plus you’re in the middle of promotions, what if you drain too much energy that she’s unable to perform the next day.

and it also didn’t help that your internal monologue was fucking you up.

“shit, do i just ask the manager to… NO- ew what the hell am i thinking? he’s way older than me. nevermind. why did i think about that jesus christ.” 

your options were slim. it was either wait for night, go to the practice rooms and prey on a cute trainee, with consent of course - or go ask jimin unnie again and risk exhausting her even though you just started promotions… 

you wondered who was at home right now.

you recalled ning going straight back home as soon as the meeting had finished. you could always ask? i mean she is your unnie after all, it wouldn’t hurt to ask to her. 

ah, but it would be awkward though. it’s not like when jimin unnie walked in on you tweaking out and then you had to shamefully ask her to “help you out”. either way you had to go home and do something about it. being out in the open wouldn’t be good for you anyway. anymore stress and you could lose your mind, probably going out of your way to do something that would be highly illegal, and you wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

–

on the way home you couldn’t suppress your excitement. you had already made up your mind to ask ning if you could, you know, do something nasty. multiple scenes were made up in your head. she could bend you over the table, press you against the wall and limit your restrictions with her pretty hands, or maybe she could shove your head into the pillow and pound into your desperate pussy.

as opposed to jimin, you never caught ning wound up in her own thoughts, nor staring at you in a sexual manner. whether it was pracitce, a stage, any event with the members, or an upcoming show, you had never caught her once. maybe she did look at you while you were dancing promiscuously as a joke. even so, her expressions were so nonchalant that even if she was, you would never be able to tell… though that thought alone excited you even more. who knows what her pretty little head was thinking about.

although jimin said to tell the other members about who you actually were to prevent you from being too awkward to ask your members for help, you refrained from doing so because well… you’re just like that, what else. how were you gonna do it anyway- hold a meeting in your apartment around the dining table and say that you need sex to stay active and alive? then what, they’ll eagerly accept the fact that you literally need to be inside of them, or vice versa, so you can get up on stage and preform as if it was a regular ass day.

those five minutes you spent daydreaming and thinking about telling your members were stopped abruptly by the door in front of you. when did the walk home become so quick.

then you started to think once again. 

would ning be the type of person to go out of their way to help you? yes she’s that type of person, however, does that mean she would willingly want to have sex with you… god, you don’t know her ‘that’ well. you’re close, close as how close a lifetime friend could ever be, but still, things would be weird if she ultimately says no to your request.

“you’ve been staring at the door for an awfully long time y/n. are you coming inside or do you want to stare at the door a little longer?”

fresh out of the shower, yizhuo greets you with a friendly smile followed by a giggle. her towel sticking against her body showing off the curves of her hips. 

oh fuck, why does she have to be wearing that now. 

“did you just finish showering? also, girl… get back inside. what if someone sees you with just a towel on” the aroma of your shampoo wafted through the air “you smell good…” you all were tight on money this month, so you all shared things like perfumes, shampoos, pretty much all products you and the other members owned. each time either one of your members had applied your shampoo, god, you had such perverse thought about them, wanting to ravage them until they couldn’t walk or even stand

“yeah i ran out of mine- and yours was newly opened so you know” she had been looking way too good recently, not saying that she never did look good, but there was something about her that made you feel extra desperate and needy. the wetness between your thighs spoke for themselves

“let’s go in. i need to talk to you quickly before my brain explodes” yizhuo cocked her head in confusion, reluctantly following your lead, closing the door behind her as you walked into your guys’ apartment. 

you followed behind her as she led you to your shared bedroom, looking up because you didn’t want to turn yourself on even more by staring at her ass “wow, the ceiling looked nice. a pretty beige colour… what the hell am i doing” you thought to yourself with a heavy sigh, looking back down and regretting it immediately. you noticed that yizhuo turned around as you locked eyes with the front of her cream coloured bath towel.

as perceptive as yizhuo was, she noticed a little black swish behind your back. she just played it off, too tired from all the practice, so she thought she was hallucinating a tail or something of the sorts.

now, being both the youngest and the least serious members of the group, you rarely ever had a heart to heart. to talk one to one with each other with the tone you had used, yizhuo must’ve thought that there was some topic you couldn’t bring up with the eldest “hey what’s up? it’s been a while since we last talked seriously” her damp hair against her soft looking skin, the fresh scent of soap and the way she looked at you with worry in her eyes. it almost drove you off the edge. she was so tantalising that you almost missed your cue to speak.

“uh- um, you know how we’ve been besties since i came to korea right?”

“yes”

“and you know we said that we’d always tell each other anything right?” you glanced around the room, avoiding her gaze while your fingers unconsciously played with the fabric of her bedsheets.

“yes…?” ning pondered for a while “…are you going to confess your undying love for me, is that what this is?” she cackled.

“WHAT? no, no- i think that might be less shocking than what i’m about to say” you take a deep breath in hopes to stifle the sound emitting from your booming heartbeat “okay so like, hypothetically speaking, would you have sex with any of the four of us?” for a god awful few seconds you sat tensely, waiting for yizhuo to say something. 

“are you trying to redirect my attention from a more important question girl?” her eyes rested on your face, heartily laughing until she released you were being totally serious. 

scratching your arm, you let out a sigh. it would be better to ask her directly wouldn’t it “you don’t need to analyse me like that. i was just saying-”

you could charm her into agreeing, but in the long run you’d feel like a horrible person. charming a person came with moral problems, and you strictly told yourself that you would never do that to a person. ever.  

“yizhuo… can we- can you do me a favour?” your stuttering caught her attention. you simply couldn’t bring yourself to ask, it’s strange out of the blue. 

“mhm mhm, what do you need”

“you”

“me?”

“yes.” with every fibre of your being you held back a variety of different ways to scream out ‘JUST FUCK ME’ biting your lip to help fight back a blush. it’s odd to blurt out ‘im a succubus. let’s have crazy passionate intimate gay sex right here right now’ 

hold on- does she even know you’re a succubus? “listen, it’s going to sound absurd and you probably think i’m not sober, but can you hear me out” it was still weird to outwardly say that you were in fact this demon thing that sucks people dry, literally. saying it to jimin was no easy feat, but you were obviously losing your damn mind that day. and then you have the other two members too? now was not the time to think about what you’d do in the near future, you were hungry and yizhuo was right in front of you, practically naked “are you, by any chance, okay with maybe” your gaze darted around the room before you locked eyes with her “maybe having… sex? maybe?”

“ohhh, okay i see how it is. you’re ovulating” she spoke with a dead serious tone.

you were losing your mind. you couldn’t tell if she was fucking with you or not. but in all honesty, yizhuo did think you looked like you were ovulating with the way your thighs pressed together. yup, ovulating.

your heart began to race as you increasingly became desperate within seconds. you felt feverish, hot to the touch while your head throbbed. almost a whole two months without tending to your needs ended up with you succumbing to the symptoms “please yizhuo. i need you to do something, anything- i feel like i’m gonna die actually” 

“woah woaah, let’s calm down. you’re not gonna die silly. is it just-“ yizhuo paused for a while, coughed and maybe even hesitated to say the word “sex. is that all? it can’t be too bad. plus if it’s with you, i don’t mind…” yizhuo’s words were genuine. it put your mind at ease. 

“you don’t understand though. it’s like… it- i don’t know” you pout at her with the remaining energy left in your body “it’s alright- i’ll ask other people, it’ll be okay” sluggishly pushing yourself off yizhuo’s bed.

“no no, i get it. you wanna relieve stress, i get it” from what you could understand, yizhuo was trying her absolute best, trying to relate with your problem “we’ve all been there. the company doesn’t allow us to go out and meet other idols like that so it was eventually gonna happen. i mea-“

“it’s not about that, yizhuo” your eyes darken, a desperate sigh emitting from your lips “ah, whatever…” with trembling hands, you held yizhuo’s in yours, momentarily silencing her as you sit back down on top of the smooth sheets of her bed “if you’re not okay with doing ‘this’, then will a kiss be okay?” there was a hint of softness to your voice, the rest shrouded with seriousness “it won’t be enough for me, but it’ll keep me… sort of stable” you shut your eyes as you press your forehead against hers, sharing the warmth “please, that’s all i ask for” 

she whispered “a kiss? i can do that. it seems fun.”ning, inches away from kissing you, smiled sheepishly. her gaze drifted briefly towards your lips before finally shutting her eyes  “and if it’s with you i think i’ll be okay”  

you took this as your opportunity to kiss her softly on the lips. a quick peck really. a surge of energy coursed through your veins for half a second before coming to a stop.

that’s all the energy you’ll take from her, and the most you’ll take for the next couple of days “mmm… thank you yizhuo” though it was a sweet couple of seconds before it broke off, the sweetness of her lips left a longing impression on you.

yizhuo asked for “one more kiss?” growing in confidence, she leaned into another, her eyes fluttering shut as she melted into your embrace. though you were unsure, you gave into the moment, savouring her delicate lips. her fingers tentatively reached for your shirt, grabbing you and pulling you in closer. as the kiss intensified, yizhuo’s hands journeyed down your back, directly pushing down so your chests were pressed together “do whatever you want…” her breath hitched as you trailed down kisses from her jaw down to her neck, taking the time and effort to not accidentally leave a huge hickey there. you replied by pushing her back onto the bed, the loose towel that wrapped around body fell apart easily, exposing yizhuo’s pretty tits. she paid no mind, letting you do whatever you pleased. 

“god, you’re so pretty” you climbed onto the bed, straddling yizhuo’s waist as you carefully removed your t-shirt. 

she burned holes through your face, why was she staring so hard all of a sudden? “how are your eyes are pink, y/n” taken aback, she sits up and examines your face. she raised her hand and waved it in front of you “is this thing real?” tilting her head in confusion. 

“it is real- mmh?” a jolt shoots right up through your spine and then down to your core out of nowhere. ning held your sleek black tail, rubbing her fingers against the weird leathery texture, caressing and prodding at your poor flimsy, slightly erect(?) tail, as you let out a soft sigh. “yizhuo…” you mewl pathetically “that- that feels weird”

“does it now?” her tongue darted out, licking the centre of your heart shaped tail with the ever so subtle tug at the corner of her lips “sensitive much” a couple more licks and kisses to your tail and you were pretty much done for. 

time to time you forget that you have some sort of libido increasing, aphrodisiac power. the kiss you two shared may have affected her. well it definitely did. the increase of confidence radiating from the older girl was way different in comparison to her usual self. cause by now you’d expect her to be a little more gentle with you.

flipping positions, yizhuo held you down with her two hands with a devilish look on her face “if it’s sex you want, then i’ll make sure to fuck you till your begging for me to stop” her hand travelled down your tail, stroking it as if she was stroking your dick. never before had someone do something like that to your tail, but my god did it feel so fucking good.

she toyed with it, prodded and poked the tip of it and sucked it with her pretty pink and plump lips. the other hand cupped your chest, fondling over your boobs to get a feel for her own satisfaction “i could get used to this…” being on top of you, she had the advantage to do whatever she desired, and also because you were too weak to move at all “what do you want y/n? want me to fuck you with my tongue or my fingers. you choose”

you chose the latter.

throwing your head back onto the fluffed up pillows, yizhuo waisted no time and went to her destination. not one, but two fingers pushed deep inside of your pussy, stretching you out so good. her lustfully hooded eyes looked down at you, absorbing in the expressions of your pleasure contorted face “how’s it feel? want me to add another for you baby?” 

unable to answer her question with words, you nod eagerly, wanting nothing but her fingers to fill you up. so she did, adding in a third finger since you asked to cutely with that nod of yours. now knuckles deep inside, that same devilish grin spread across her face. you unconsciously buck your hips up, smiling wearily at yizhuo “so.. so deep” your moans urged her to immediately start moving. she started out nice and slow, curling her fingers at different intervals to squeeze out those lovely moans of yours. every thrust, she explored your spongy walls, testing out the waters to see which place hit the best for you. then as time went by, she gradually built up her pace until she came to her desired speed.

three fingered merciselessly pounded hard into your tight cunt, your juices leaking and dripping onto yizhuo’s bedsheets, and the sounds of your wetness leaving the chinese girl in awe. noticing the way your hips began to meet with her speed, her hand that played with your tail slowly slided towards them, holding you down by the stomach “let me do all the work” driven by your moans, she leans down to press a hungry kiss on your lips, then leaving a hot trail of kisses down from your neck and onto your perky nipples.

swirling around the hardened bud on your chest, a guttural moan catches her attention “you like it when i suck on your tits, huh?” her thumb pressed against your swollen clit as she muttered those words, all the while still paying attention to your sensitive tits. she enjoyed the way you tried to wriggle your hips in attempts to move them, and how your hands clutched the sheets with pure desperation. she felt hazy, maybe a little bit tipsy somehow, but all she wanted to do was fuck you until you were screaming her name.

as her fingers continued to slide against your walls, hitting the right spots at an intense speed, you felt a knot form in your stomach. you were so desperate for relief, needing to buck your hips into her palm to get that sweet friction you felt on your clit, but she didn’t allow you to do that; her hand still resting on your stomach to stop you from squirming “yi-yizhuo~” you whined, teary eyes staring at her with a pitiful look “please yizhuo.. r-rub my clit please~”

and who was she to deny you.

though she didn’t do exactly what you wanted, she did something way more better. moving away from your nipples, she lowered herself down onto the bottom of her bed to shove her face right between your thighs. tongue darting out her mouth, she gives a few kitten licks on your clit, savouring the sweet essence of your pussy for a starter. those tiny kitten licks turned into something much more. the tip of her tongue circled against your heat, occasionally wrapping her lips around to give you a quick suck before continuing to lap your soaked folds up to your sensitive clit. 

the stimulation drove your crazy. you never knew that yizhuo was so skilled at this. still thrusting those three fingers inside of your now pulsating cunt, at the hot and wet kisses and licks she left on your clit, she knew - and you knew, that you were on the verge of toppling over the edge. but it wasn’t enough for her “is that good, hm? does my needy baby want me to fuck her harder?” yizhuo somehow had the strength to speed up, fucking your hole as she moans at how well you’re taking her. 

those words vibrated from your core and sent shivers across your spine, leaving goosebumps all over your skin - in which also made you clench around her fingers. 

fuck, it was way too damn good. you felt your legs shaking, jaw opening wide, stomach tightening and that course of hot pleasure travelling through your entire nervous system “close- close yizhuo.. don’t stop” your words came out slurred, a few unintelligible praises and swears being ripped out of the back of your throat as you felt yourself on the edge. 

with one final deep and hard thrust, your jaw slacked open as your orgasm was pulled out from your body, legs twitching and spasming as you repetitively screamed out yizhuo’s name alongside even more praises. for a minute your body fell limp against the bed, exhausted from the mind blowing orgasm yizhuo gave you, and also from the built up stress you had from promotions.

now full of the sexual energy you gained from yizhuo, you spring upwards, patting yizhuo’s head gently “t-thank you… i feel refreshed…” 

the older girl finally sat up after she cleaned you up. wiping her face and chin from the juices that dripped all the way down, she flashed you a smile “with that tail of yours, and those pink eyes, you’ve got to be a succubus… right? to answer her question, you nodded, cheeks red from her straightforwardness. 

“y-yeah. you’re right… wanna go again?”

“only if i bottom next”

[robynrocksforbrains]

I love you ×9

Ok so I am probably not the first person to notice this or point it out since I've only been a byler for like six months... BUT I did maybe go a little crazy about this. So I'm gonna talk about it.

So a few days ago I was thinking about the mlvn endgame argument "well Mike said 'I love you' nine times". And like, first of all, saying "I love you" doesn't undo a year's worth of deliberate lying and miscommunication. That's not how relationships work. Their issues are still very much real and very much not going anywhere because they're not even TRYING to do anything about them. But also... I was thinking: why nine times? Why that number specifically? Was it just random? Is there maybe anything to indicate that nine is significant? Is there maybe a scene in the first episode of s4 that tells us how we should react to the monologue?

So, the DND basketball montage. Great stuff. Amazing foreshadowing. Everyone loved it.

I got to thinking about it. Decided I needed to know what Mike's roll was. I kinda spiraled about it on twitter because I could not see it clearly and I couldn't tell if it was an eight or nine. Desperate times called for desperate measures so I recorded my tablet with my phone and found the perfect frame.

IT'S A NINE

CLEAR AS DAY! IT'S A NINE! GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

Anyway, I don't know how DND works. I don't know why this roll evoked the reaction it did from the party - most significantly, Mike's very disgruntled reaction (I don't mean The Party™ I just mean literally the party that is playing this campaign) I genuinely don't know what the fuck is going on in this game. But what I do know is they wanted us to associate this roll with failure. That's why it corresponds with a missed basket in the basketball game. That's why Eddie gets this ooo that sucks for you guys look on his face. That's why we hear a chorus of "nooo" from the party. That's why Mike says "no no no" and looks extremely upset. I don't know anything about DND, but I can read context clues.

So I'm not going to try to understand what's going on in the game, I'm just gonna go off what I think they wanted us to subconsciously pick up on.

So they show us all of this. They associate Mike with the number nine in the first episode and then that number shows up AGAIN in the last episode.

The monologue cannot be associated with anything but failure. Whether that be mlvns failing relationship, or their very real failure to save Max (at least before El revived her), and their failure to save Hawkins. The monologue does not stand apart from that. It is completely interwoven with these failures. If you have average media literacy, you know that. Even before I was aware of just how important byler is to this entire story, before I was aware that they've been setting up byler endgame since day one, you would never catch me thinking that the monologue was supposed to be received positively by the audience. You would never catch me saying mlvns love saved the world. (Although that's because I genuinely forgot about mlvn a few weeks after I watched s4). I think I received the monologue in the way it was intended to be received. I didn't fully understand it, or why they would execute it the way they did, but I still received it in the way I believe it was intended to be.

So I know the general agreement among bylers is that the monologue kinda sealed the deal for mlvn bones. Like I'm not saying anything new really. But I genuinely do think that Mike's roll in episode one, the reactions to it, and the missed shot it corresponds with were meant to foreshadow the monologue and how they wanted the audience to receive it.

This is fiction, everything means something. Everything is thought of. The timer (and maybe scores, I genuinely can't remember) in the basketball game had significance. Other rolls in the DND game had significance. Why would that be any different for Mike? Especially when his roll was a nine and that number shows up for him again when he says "I love you" nine times. And both of these things are associated with failure.

Not that we need any other reason to interpret the monologue as a less than good thing. It's just the way that it is, it's pretty easy to figure out how they wanted us to take it. But they still did give us a hint. I think it's really cool.

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[oh-katsuki]

your cup of espresso sits untouched and cooling on the dinner table. you have it after dinner every night, one sugar cube evenly dissolved through the mixture, giving it an almost syrupy flavor that is lovely to sip. it's bitter, but the right kind of bitter, and somehow so impossibly sweet. a perfect finish to the day.

the black screen of your phone sits unobtrusively beside your wrist. you pick it up idly, illuminating it with a quick tap of your finger. a few new notifications, instagram, snapchat, texts, twitter notifications you don't care about. nothing really all too pressing.

you tap to open up your contacts, scrolling and coming to a stop at his name. gojo satoru with a little red heart beside it.

at first, you only tap on it to look. it's not really like you had any plan to text or ring him. you just wanted to look at his contact card, maybe stare for a few minutes at the smiling, half ugly photo of him set as his contact picture. you're in the background of it, grabbing his upper arm to get his attention. it's a photo from a work meetup and nanami took it. somehow, it's come to mean a lot more to you than just a contact photo. you sigh, contemplating the phone call and then, without much fanfare, you click the button.

it rings in your ear as you put it up to the side of your head. your heart pounds in your chest, waiting for the ringing to come to a stop, maybe to hear his voice. it's been a long while since he's answered your calls though and you let out a humorless laugh as his voicemail plays.

"hey, you've reached gojo satoru. sorry i missed your call, i'm just soooo busy—" someone interrupts him, "hey can't you see im recording my voicemail message?" there's a small noise and then he's back, closer now. "—anyway, leave a message at the beep and maybe i'll call you back."

he'd set it in high school and his voice is a familiar and delightful higher pitch. you'd always told him that he needed to change it to something more mature, but he'd always blink at you and give you the same answer.

"who the hell would be calling me?" he'd say. "think i'm applying for another job or something?"

and you could never really argue with it. sure, you could've told him that it was immature, but at the end of the day he was right. it's not like he'd ever planned to change professions and professional conduct meant fuck-all when he was the strongest sorcerer of the modern age.

"hey," you start, clearing your throat, "it's me again. i don't know why i thought you'd actually answer my call this time, just sort of felt like you would. it was nice to hear your voice though, even if it was your voicemail message."

you run your finger along the grain in the wood of your table, tracing its intricate pattern with a light touch.

"i made that strawberry shortcake thing today." you're not really sure why you're telling him that. "you know, the one with the cream instead of frosting. it was good, kinda hard to make the actual cake though. the house smells good now. but yeah, i had a day off for once so i just sort of... hung around." you can feel your bottom lip growing raw with the way you chew on it between sentences. there's not really a reason that you called him. nothing particularly interesting has happened to you, let alone anything he'd care about, but you just felt like talking. still do, even if it's to his voicemail box, and you continue speaking into it about your day.

you like to think he couldn't be bothered to answer the phone. lazy, in some way, to answer your needy call. you like to think that maybe he'd seen the call, his phone ringing on the counter, from where he was in the shower. he'll listen to your voicemail and call you when he's out and dry to ask about trying the cake, maybe.

"would have been nice to see you. it's been like... two months since we've met up. i know you're probably busy though. doing whatever it is you do on the weekend, not that i really know anymore."

the kitchen light suddenly seems too bright, casting its artificial yellow glow down on the center of your table. you reach up to rub your temples. there's a dull throb beginning behind your eyes and in the bridge of your nose. it's almost like you're about to cry and as you sniffle quietly into the receiver, you can feel the swell of emotions as it rises in you.

"i really miss you, satoru," you say with a defeated sigh. "i know i probably sound like a broken record and that your phone storage must really be taking a hit, but i do. you probably get a kick out of knowing that though," the laugh that comes from you is muddled as your nose begins to run, and you reach quickly to wipe it. "wish you'd call me back. or come home, maybe. it's funny, i keep thinking that you'll come in the door any minute and the feeling never really... stops."

you clear your throat again, putting your tongue in your cheek and steeling your nerves a little.

"well, i'll let you go now," you swallow, laughing a little like the statement is silly. he's not really on the phone. it doesn't matter all that much how long the voicemail is. "stop before the voicemail lady cuts me off. but yeah, i just wanted to call. i keep hoping that you'll pick up. who knows, right?"

there's a short pause and then you inhale, straightening your back.

"i love you," you say. "always have. i'll call you tomorrow too, so... yeah. i love you, satoru. bye."

you pull your phone away from the side of your face, clicking the end call button a little too quickly before putting it face down on the table. it's comforting to call him, but it hurts too. there's always the hope that he'll answer. that by some miraculous turn of events, the ringing will stop short and he'll draw out a hello in a pleasant tenor hum. of course, he'd know exactly who's calling. satoru always did.

maybe you'll pay him a visit tomorrow, say all of this directly to him, though you haven't had the courage yet to visit that little stone plaque. it's a little too hard, for now. it's easier to think that he's ignoring your calls than incapable of answering them all together.

someday, his voicemail will fill up and you'll have to confront the truth. it will fill up, you'll be greeted by the voice mailbox full message, and there will be no one on the other end to clear it.

[baphometsss]

solas is canonically bi and i will die on this fucking hill.

trick talking shit about it on twitter in 2015 or whatever means nothing to me. oh you wanted to avoid the depraved bisexual trope, did you?? you mean depraved bisexuals like iron bull who will literally betray and try to kill you in trespasser if you sacrifice the chargers? depraved bisexual zevran who tries to kill you and will try again if your approval isn't high enough in dao? depraved bisexual anders who commits an entire act of terrorism? depraved bisexual isabela who will run off with the qunari artefact in da2 and never return if your approval isn't high enough?? i could go on and those are just the depraved bisexuals. there are plenty of good, non-depraved bisexuals in this game too (leliana, josephine, fenris kinda depending on how you play it), so it's a moot point anyway

esp since as far as depravity actually goes, he's fairly good about the romance. like, his ultimate goal aside, he makes a point of saying in trespasser that he wouldn't sleep with lavellan under false pretenses. that's more than can be said for blackwall, who doesn't think twice about the potential consent issue of sex with someone who doesn't know who you really are

if it wasn't the fact that a good chunk of solas's romance lines were voiced with the male VAs in both base game dai and trespasser, i would be inclined to believe that this was an intentional choice, but given that and the fact that both solas and cullen use gender neutral language in their romances, and only cullen has a line which specifically turns the inquisitor down for being a dude, i find it much more believable that they literally just ran out of time

iirc neither solas nor cullen were going to be romancable to begin with but then they had a bit of extra time and they decided to do it, only to run out of time before finishing the male VAs lines

honestly i'm just frustrated by the fact that we have inconsistent writing and weird cop-out answers that people cling to bc they're offended that their precious straight boy might not actually be straight. i actually saw someone complaining on reddit about how 'refreshing' it was to see a straight character in dragon age like?? what. are you playing the same game? blackwall, cassandra, cullen (who was meant to be bi too but ig had either the same issue or his va was just too much of a bigot to do it), morrigan and alistair all spring to mind lol you're not short on straight people

in any case we can retcon our inky to be nonbinary, so unless they fuck it up by deciding that he's only into female elves and lock out all the nb solavellans who had to choose between male and female inky in dai, which is unlikely, it seems like it won't matter much.

just let me be gay with my silly egg man and i will be happy

[skunkes]

I've talked about this before I think but I think "art theft culture" is actually what makes scenarios like this worse... and I Know because I've mentioned that it happened to me before, where a few years ago I was heavily inspired by an artist for a couple of style study drawings without acknowledging them as inspiration, they contacted me after their friends notifed the similarities, and it was resolved as I explained that I had no "plans" for long term theft or passing off as my own, I was just passing by and figuring out what I liked about the style. But I should have just mentioned them!

And that's the point I'm trying to get at here, I feel for a lot of people there's still either shame in using references (I took the upper half of a pose for a recent comm from one of the first memorable google image results for it... How embarrassing!), and there's similar in openly admitting that somebody is currently directly inspiring you, or that you liked something someone made so much you're making your own spin on it.

This is probably because you don't know how people (your audience or the original creator, or THEIR audience) are going to react with regards to """theft""" (which I also feel varies. Like everyone I've seen trying to emulate my style has never gotten close. Which is how it works! Its a good thing! Absorb it into your own! Thats what I do!

But I've also had someone lift every aspect of my art identity and basically try to replicate exact pieces, poses, and dialogue of mine with their characters like oh ok nvm this is kinda weird.) so I get it, because it's scary! It happened to Me, I was a perpetrator LOL and that's that it was style inspiration and not direct copying so I get it... I feel it all the time too, but I wish it wasn't like this in General ykwim. Wish it didn't feel so humiliating to admit influence

EDIT: THIS IS ALSO NOT ME SAYING "you need to list off all your inspirations every single time you post a drawing"

Its more like oh this person is using my exact brushes and exact colors and exact half traced poses and my handwriting and exact dialogue and personal symbols to the point where they're pretending my autobiographic doodles happened to them while pretending they've never seen my stuff in their life, or even shit talking me. Some of these individual aspects are okay (I've literally shared all my brushes with everyone, for example, who cares. My colors are awesome...who cares. 4 petal flower shapes don't belong to anyone, I don't care.) But all of them in combination is what's weird. Ykwim. Like that level of "hey man what the fuck"

I'm about to answer an ask going more into depth about this but I also need to explain that it's hard being on the other end of this too because it really isn't that serious ykwim... I see ppl on twitter get clowned on every day because "you can't steal a style" and that's mostly true. Me and some mutuals "steal" aspects from each other all the time without "crediting" because it's obvious, or we know each other, as well as the "stolen" stuff being something we already made our own thing, so I promise this isn't about that. Art is meant to be shared and inspire and influence.

I'd never point fingers unless it got severe over a long period of time (not adapting it into your own style), with someone who wouldn't talk it out with me but sometimes I wish I could show some of these specific examples, like I promise I'm not blowing up because someone """stole""" uhhhh the little squiggles I add to my commissions. I myself "stole" that from deco sticker sheets. Who gives a shit.

[violetsquare111]

The Dark Lord's birthday is not on october 2nd

so I was seeing a couple people also celebrating dark's birthday today. which makes sense, since that's the youtube upload date for ava3, and the date used in the flashback of ava uh.. 6 is it?

but this gave me pause because i did a tiny bit of research earlier on the general release timeline of ava, and i'd read on the wiki that ava3 was released on a completely different date: october 4, 2010, being first uploaded on atom.com (the site of the company that helped produce ava 2 and 3, now bought by paramount/comedy central)

now that is a drastically different date... but this is completely unsourced. do we know the actual date that ava3 was uploaded?

so i went on a web JOURNEY that i'd like to share with you all :D

tldr it's not oct 2 or oct 4. it's oct 11 2010

so the first thing i decided to check was who added that date to the wiki in the first place, and when. turns out it was an anonymous editor in 2016, not even a wiki account created... so, that's not going to get me anywhere. they didn't add a reference or any information other than just the date.

(ps you should read that 2016 version of the wiki page it's a fun janky mess lol /affectionate)

so i should just, like, check atom.com, right? well uh

yeah okay that is definitely not the same website. WAYBACK MACHINE IT IS (god bless wayback machine)

i scoured through different atom.com pages that were archived on wayback machine and found a few different tidbits:

the atom.com main page footer was updated with a link to ava3 on september 10, 2010 exactly. that seems pretty early!

the earliest capture of ava3 itself was on october 16, 2010, and the video is listed as being uploaded on october 11. interestingly, the video here was uploaded by "JO3Y", not Alan Becker... but later captures do show it as being uploaded by alan. i have no idea what is going on there

this isn't really relevant to the question at hand but you can watch ava2 on the website and it's very clearly flash-controlled, with a cool custom-made video control bar meant to look like Windows??? that's so cool????

this is also not relevant but the original description of ava2 seems to imply that this "chosen one" was originally meant to be the same stick figure as "victim". which is clearly not canon anymore but like. woag.

JO3Y's user page as of october 14, 2010 lists ava3 as being uploaded either... 6 or 7 days ago. (for some reason there are 2 uploads?? both are the same link.) that would put ava3's release on either october 7 or october 8, 2010.

guys there was an animator vs animation actual flash game. did anyone know about this wtf. the wayback machine link is busted but i managed to find a working version here and i am going to play it RIGHT as soon as i finish writing this

none of this was ultimately very helpful, though. there's multiple different dates here, none of which correspond to the elusive october 4th, and it could've even been as early as september. there's not many captures to look at, not many saved atom pages in niche places... what to even look at now?

oh.

oh i've been a FOOL.

the facebook link here is some kinda broken mess on wayback and also i don't know how to use facebook, so let's just check twitter. the given link is-

holy fucking shit did twitter look like this

right well. there's unfortunately no captures of this twitter account around the time ava3 could've released, and you can't scroll to see older tweets (those pages weren't archived), so no luck here. the account itself has also since been either deleted or renamed. a link to one of the tweets would surely also be defunct, right? but let's try it...

and oh my god. OH MY GOD. the account is STILL UP it's just under a different username oh my god. CAN WE FIND THE ORIGINAL AVA3 ANNOUNCEMENT TWEET.

lo and behold, one date-filtered twitter search later, here it is:

october 11, 2010. (and i DID confirm that was a monday)

dark's 14th birthday is coming up in a little over a week, guys...!

now, when was ava2 released? uhhhhhhhhhhhh oh hey the snipers are at my hou

[stormblessed95]

I just wanted to come vent on here for a lil. Hope you don’t mind. I was on twitter today and i saw some jikookers fighting with taekookers and the taekookers kept going on with the same tired old stories of “Jikook is Fanservice” “all their moments are for the cameras” etc and storm, i realized how silly all of this is. I realized how stupid it is for people on the internet to continue fighting about who the members love the most and who they are fucking.

The truth is, the odds had been stacked against jikook and jikookers since the very beginning. Reality is never as pleasant as fiction. I honestly believe that Jimin and Jk are or have atleast been together in a romantic way considering their circumstances, that automatically means it was never going to be that pleasant. These are real people and just imagine what we normal people have to go through in our personal relationships every single day, what more of these idols who are under scrutiny almost 24/7? I used to get so and hurt when taekookers would bring out those gifs and screenshots of “Jk hating Jimin” or “Jk pushing Jimin away or making faces at him”’but when i thought about it, i realized that, that is exactly what reality looks like. It’s not always pretty and if many of us had cameras shoved infront of our faces all the time and we could sit down and watch ourselves 24/7, maybe we would all be less judgemental. I know this might sound a little crazy but i cannot tell you how many times i’ve shed tears over jikook. Their story is just so heartbreaking but beautiful. Those two never stood a chance with this fandom. When you think about the fact that their bond had been attacked since the very beginning and it just gets worse as the years go by. It doesn’t really matter what Jikook do or don’t do because some people are determined to find faults in their relationship to attack and ofcourse they will always find something or make something up because at the end of the day, no relationship is perfect.

Think about years ago when Jimin and Jungkook were everywhere together and did almost everything together. You would think that people would have atleast seen and recognized their bond for what it is but even then, people accused them of fanservice. Jikook were attacked for doing the things taekook do today and get praised for. Jimin and Jungkook hanginh out in their private time with friends meant they were a fake couple and were doing fanservice because a real queer couple in a homophobic country would never do that, but taekook hanging out and spending time together is proof that they are indeed a couple. How much evidence do we have of Jikook spending important days with each other? We have alot but taekookers literally have none yet that doesn’t stop them from coming for Jikook’s bond. Even though we have evidence of taekook themselves saying they kinda drifted apart, and videos of Jk himself saying he wasn’t with Tae on his birthday, that still doesn’t stop the cult from coming for jikook’s bond.

Now we will be getting footage of Jk cooking for Jimin in Jimin’s house and this was most like taken almost 2 years ago meaning that before Jk ever dreamed of cooking for Tae, he had already done that for Jimin several times but when taekookers heard Tae say he was going to eat at Jk’s once, they used that to attack Jikook saying Jk only cooks for Tae. We have multiple videos of Jk feeding Jimin and the other members but taekookers get a video of Jk putting food in tae’s mouth and use that again to attack jikook even though they are getting that from the same company content they hate so much.

I remember how that taekooker girl who saw Jikook at the gym in LA was insulted and called a liar by her own breed and when she eventually got vindicated, they immediately switched the narrative to “the workout date was for company content” even though Jimin literally said that he and Jk worked out together every day since they went to the US so all we got to see was just one of the workouts and see how they made it seem like everthing Jikook do is infront of the cameras. After swearing that Jk probably doesn’t even know the road to Jimin’s house, when we get actual footage of Jk cooking for Jimin in his apartment, they immediately switch narratives again to “they do everything infront of the camera”. Like do these people even truly believe the thinga they say? Do they honestly believe that the company called Jk and told him to go to Jimin’s house and cook so they can take some shots for official content? If all these years we have gotten all the content of jikook from the times they were photographed, then what about when they weren’t? Can you imagine how much time jikooo actually spend together? Can u imagine how many things they do that we never get to find out about?

I find taekookers very interesting because they keep saying that taekook is an off cam couple yet they know almost all the times taekook hang out. How private are their interactions if Tae or Jk come to tell us about it or if tae posts pictures about it? Do they think that those moments were private just because the videos or photos didn’t come from bighit’s cameras? Also, they say all jikook moments are infront of the camera but how would they know the moments that were not for the camera if those moments were private? Do they think Jimin or Jk will post pictures of themselves while they have sex or come to tell us that they had late night movies dates just the two of them? Jimin and Jk used to be somewhat reckless in the past and we got some little TMI’s from them but as pple get older, they don’t feel the need to expose certain parts about their relationship with the rest of the world. Jk literally told us that Jimin kept singing “peuriri” to him so much that he thought he was going to mistakenly sing it on stage so how do these pple think that happened if Jikook never saw each other? How do these pple think Jimin and Jk drew a whale on a yacht together?

I just realized that getting upset at the things taekookers say is kinda useless. They themselves don’t even know what they believe in and their opinions on Jimin and Jungkook’s bond doesn’t change their reality anyway. Jimin and Jungkook choosing to enlist together despite the majority of the fandom thinking they were distant should have been enough to tell people that you really cannot sit behind your screen watching parts of pples lives that they choose to share with you and think that you know it all.

"I just realized that getting upset at the things taekookers say is kinda useless. They themselves don’t even know what they believe in and their opinions on Jimin and Jungkook’s bond doesn’t change their reality anyway. Jimin and Jungkook choosing to enlist together despite the majority of the fandom thinking they were distant should have been enough to tell people that you really cannot sit behind your screen watching parts of pples lives that they choose to share with you and think that you know it all."

The most important part of this rant (in my opinion) is the last bit. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

[abiiors]

Okay okay okay but what about the reader being married to Ross but she’s really tired that he’s always out of the house in the studio with new singers until late and she’s always alone and he kinda neglects their marrige and doesn’t realize it? And it’s super angsty because she would do anything for him, but he’s never there for her anymore. Like something along the lines of Tove Lo’s “true romance” - ‘We are meant to be, I'd die for love and loyalty’, because the reader just feels that Ross doesn’t care about her anymore and would rather spent time with those other girls until late - because that’s what he does everyday

i’ve been thinking about this for a while, idk if this makes any sense 😭😭

why... would you make me think of this you're evil 😭😭 i changed it a little bit because i just cannot make him that much of an asshole :( but here you gooo

your footsteps echo in the house as you walk up to the kitchen counter. it happens a lot these days, this echo around your house. it's a constant reminder of how this place remains empty more often than not; even on days when both you and ross are in town.

first, it was because he wanted to work on the new album in solitude.  you were supportive, giving him as much space as possible. then when the recording started, he basically turned into a machine, staying at the studio till odd hours of the morning. all he had time for at home was to have dinner and pass out. 

you see it all on twitter, all the updates on his life--what he's wearing for the day, what his hair looks like--all through the screen of your phone, all next to fans and strangers alike. he always looks the same in them, smiling and happy and like a proper rockstar. but the rare few times you see him his eyes are glazed over, there are tired circles under his eyes. and you've lost count of how many times he's fallen asleep halfway through conversations.

at this point, you can count on one hand how many times you've seen him in the last month. and you're supposed to be living together for fuck’s sake!

"you’re home," his voice comes from somewhere behind you, making you jump out of your skin.

"jesus, ross! don’t do that," you press a hand to your chest, trying your best to keep the irritation out of your voice. it bleeds through anyway. 

"do what?" he asks nonchalantly and the irritation bubbles up more and more to the surface. your skin feels uncomfortably warm, almost like a rash might break out if you tried to swallow your anger anymore.

"nothing," you shake your head, "you’re home today…" the sentence trails off, unsure and awkward. ross raises an eyebrow. 

"yes, it’s a sunday. and this is my house too remember.’ there's an unexpected bite to his voice, something that almost makes you flinch.

the snark makes you retort. "well, you have been using it as a hotel an awful lot lately." you turn your back to him, making your way back to your bedroom. 

when did he even come back? where did he even sleep? the made looks unmade only on your side, his is still arranged neatly. just as cold and untouched as it was last night.

ross follows you because this fight, or argument, or whatever it is, is clearly not over. 

"what’s that supposed to mean?" he stops at the threshold, arms crossed in front of his chest.

you turn around to look at him. he looks like the same ross as always, with long hair, and a rough beard you've always adored. he's wearing the t-shirt you bought for him a long time ago, back when you still bought surprise gifts for each other. it strains over his arms--old and faded and familiar in a jarring way because there is nothing familiar about him right. nothing familiar about the way he stands there and looks at you. he looks like your ross and yet looking at him makes you feel…nothing. 

"don’t act dumb, ross," you retort. suddenly there's no more energy in your body. suddenly it's all so tiring and weary that you have to stop whatever you're doing and sit on the edge of the bed. "do you even know when you were home the last time?"

ross looks a little taken aback, opening his mouth and closing it again when he can't immediately come up with a retort. a second later he rolls his eyes, "so this is what it’s about? that i’m not constantly here—"

"you know that’s not what this is about," you interrupt, "don’t make me out to be some clingy child!"

"and yet you’re holding my job against me! you know how important it is that this turns out good for us. you know how important—"

"definitely more important than me anyway," you mutter under your breath, not even trying to keep the bitterness out of it. it's not fair and it's not the right thing to say. you know how dedicated he is to his music but this time you're tired. just this once you want to stomp your feet and demand his attention and yell at the top of your lungs about how neglected you've felt. air out all your grievances until you don't feel so heavy and burdened anymore.

"what was that?" he's suddenly standing up straight, no longer leaning against the doorframe, "are you being serious right now?"

it would be so easy to take it back, to tell him you didn't mean it and you can try to be more understanding. but the anger rising in you burns every rational thought.  

"you heard me," you try to push past him. all you want to do is be alone, lock yourself in the bathroom for a bit, and just have a good cry, but of course, ross blocks your path. 

"leave me alone, ross," the tone of warning clear in your voice, "you were fine doing that for the past couple of months anyway."

"i have been home!" he sounds incredulous, "you’re acting like this is the first time you’re seeing me in six months." ross paces around a bit, rubbing a hand over his face, "besides, it’s not like you have been home a lot lately."

"well, sorry i didn’t wait for you to come home and finally spend some time with me!’ you yell back.

at some point, you got tired of waiting around. you started making plans with anyone and everyone who would ask you to hang out. you started staying at work later than necessary, doing more work than anyone asked of you. 

"fuck," he mutters, "i just…i don’t know how to make this work anymore," he turns around, facing away from you. the coward doesn't even have it in him to look you in the eye anymore. 

such a simple sentence, “i don’t know how to make this work anymore”, but you feel your heart shattering into a million pieces. when did it come to this? when did you and ross stop being the best thing in each other’s life? when did everything go to shit?

there's no other woman in his life, that much you're sure of.  and he hasn't flipped a switch overnight, no. this has been coming for a few months now. frankly, it's surprising that this fight hasn’t happened sooner. 

"so this is it then? you just...don't know?" your voice sounds smaller than it ever has. there was a time when ross would have instantly turned around and apologised. he would have pulled you into his chest and said sorry till the word lost its meaning. he would have done anything to show he cares.

but he just sighs, still looking the other way. 

the silence is suffocating, none of you willing to acknowledge it, to say the words that would fully seal the deal. all ross does is shake his head and walk away. 

two minutes later the front door gently thuds shut. he didn't even slam it shut, there's no anger behind it, just bitter resignation. 

you sniffle, wiping the few tears that slipped out, and get your suitcase out. you'd just pack the essentials now; an overnight bag, some documents, and work stuff. ross wouldn’t be home for the next few days anyway. and even if he was, you aren't so confident anymore that he would try to stop you from leaving.

[didididraws]

my tablet is currently halfway across the country for repairs (my brother's the most tech-savvy in my family and asking him to take a look at it was cheaper than taking it to a shop) so i haven't been able to draw lately. i've made a bunch of traditional sketches in the meantime, but none of them are presentable enough to post here, so i decided to take a trip down memory lane and fill out one of foxorian's influence maps!

below the cut are the names of the artists featured here, as well as a little bit of director's commentary on how they've influenced me :]

yugo limbo (website, tumblr, twitter) - some time last year, i realized something profoundly unnerving: i actually... don't like the art in smile for me's original release all that much? that's not to say it's bad, just that there isn't a whole lot about it outside of maybe its architecture that stands out to me. which is REALLY WEIRD, considering i wrote a whole retrospective about how much this game means to me. art-wise, however, it was only after smile for me's release that yugo limbo's art evolved in a way that really resonated with me; i love how textured everything is, i love the way they simplify clothing folds and the way that skin wrinkles around the joints, i love their love for puppets; all of those things ended up worming their way into my art style and tastes one way or another, and i couldn't be happier!! it didn't feel right to leave smile for me out of the equation entirely, though, so i chose a piece that was both related to that game and that i felt reflected a lot of what i love about yugo's more recent art.

echobsilly (twitter, tumblr) - oh god, speaking of yugo limbo - god. i fucking love echo's art so much i have no idea how to even do it justice in writing. like many people i first found him through his smile for me/limbolane fanart and animations - and those are some of his best work, don't get me wrong, but i really wanted to include one of his original designs to make a point that he's just fuckin great at art in general. character design, facial expressions, body language, composition, LIGHTING... he makes it all just. so so so gorgeous. i always liked "painterly" art styles for lack of a better word, but i think his art is what first pushed me to embrace that more in my digital art. i also like how he talks about dr. habit like he's his dead wife. i'm very proud to call him a friend these days :]

japhers (tumblr, twitter, instagram) - i first found japhers' art in high school and he very quickly became a HUUUUUGE influence on my taste in character and costume design. one of the big reasons i never fully bought into the idea that men's fashion is inherently harder to design is bc so much of his art is already dedicated to exploring fashion Without the restrictions of a gender binary in place which is to say that he's really good at drawing buff dudes in frilly outfits. i also think he gave me more confidence to draw more intricate costumes without having to worry about super dainty and clean lineart, bc a lot of his art looks like it's kinda been carved/rendered out of sketches, and it is Gorgeous.

moe suppe (website, tumblr, cohost) - another artist i found in high school, albeit originally from a long-gone instagram account. his art is what kickstarted my desire to have some Roughness in my art, some Texture. it may not have stuck to my lineart, but it Definitely stuck to my rendering. it helped that i was going through a pretty big angel/demon phase at the time, which meant i was pretty immediately drawn in by his delightfully weird worldbuilding. i should probably read fear not now that it's an actual serial...

val wise (website, itch.io, twitter, instagram) - a more recent influence, but a pretty significant one nonetheless. i featured the cover of délicatesse here because it was the first thing from him that i had ever read, but in general his grasp on the human body really blows me away given how deceptively simple his style looks at first glance, especially his faces. the way fat and hair sits on her bodies, and how much it varies from character to character... it's beautiful without being So glamorous that it feels untouchable. his costume design is also great. i recommend his comics for low fantasy/ursula k. le guin fans who are Dying to see more fat characters in leading roles. i also just found out that i am of two hearts is free on itch.io, so i'll be treating myself to that over spring break.

partycoffin (tumblr, twitter) - if you have known me for any amount of time at all then this should not come as a surprise to you. i actually wasn't going to include partycoffin in this map at first, because while welcome home has inspired me in Many creative pursuits, i didn't think visual art was one of them? i definitely picked up some of clown's love for dramatic lighting and thinner lines with just a smidge of well-placed hatching subconsciously, though.

ryoko kui - probably the most recent artist featured here? anyways i have a confession to make: i have yet to read dungeon meshi. i just know that when i saw a post compiling a bunch of ryoko kui's sketches from her daydream hour series, i was so overwhelmed with this feeling of, like… "oh, yeah, these capture almost everything i love about women as flesh and blood people. when i draw women this is the kind of beauty that i want people to see in them." of course, ryoko kui is a great character designer in general, but something about her women specifically really speak to me. the earthier color palettes and rendering also do a lot to endear her art to me.

shuzo oshimi - specifically his art in blood on the tracks. something that really stood out to me in that series was whenever the shadows would get really intense, and you'd get these big blocks of black with just the faintest bit of hatching to soften out some of their edges. it was always very effective in creating this sense of claustrophobia. i really want to keep incorporating that in my more intense pieces!

person918x (tumblr, instagram) - i don't work with 3d art often and i don't see myself doing so any time soon, but the composition of person918x's pieces is something i take a lot of inspiration of. i also love his sequential art, as someone who does a lot of dream journaling it's sick to see the exact Vibe of a dream be put to (digital) canvas. i also firmly believe that he's one of the only people out there who knows what he's doing when it comes to using generative AI in art.

oops i made this list too long so now i have to put the last two artists in a new block.

10. meatgiri (twitter, instagram) - definitely the artist i've known about the longest out of this selection. i think i've been following her since…. oh god. since i was in middle school. way before she was meatgiri, even. i think her influence probably shows up the least in my art, but there are definitely some characteristics that stuck with me for a very long time (the lil block of black accompanied by one or two lines for shading on the neck, the looser lineart making it really easy to incorporate soft curves and sharp edges, the Eyes, etc etc.) i chose this drawing of her oc juniper bc i thought it was both reflective of her current art And a good embodiment of a lot of things i wanted to emulate from her art as a young'un.

11. dragan bibin (website, instagram) - specifically his 'deimos' series. much like with person918x, it's his compositions that really stand out to me the most, and you probably know by now that i'm a sucker for high contrast. i find it interesting though that he uses high contrast to obscure more than he does to highlight... helps a lot with giving the deimos paintings that air of Quiet Unease. another thing i want to incorporate in my horror-adjacent art! manmade environments gone wrong!

[littleseasalt]

ok, i worked out fueled by grief over qforever, had breakfast and took a shower so now im more recomposed to be sappy about forever like kia did on her profile despite the fact that i did not sleep at all this night. full text under the cut to not clog the tag and YES I AM GONNA TAG THIS TEXT BECAUSE WE DROVE THE FOREVER BUS I FEEL LIKE WE'RE ALLOWED TO DO THIS IF WE WANT TO 🗣️🗣️

The qsmp is my first direct experience with mcrp and this kind of smp. Previously, my only contact with stuff like this had been dealing with Dream stans on twitter so uh. Not a good light. Before the qsmp i really had a negative view on mcyt and its fans in general (specially when it comes to shipping because i didnt really understood at the time). Then, suddenly on my twitter I saw a commotion about brazilians joining a gringo minecraft series, and that kinda make me go "? interesting", but I didn't really thought much. Then, my uruguayan friend send me the brazilians announcement when it happened, asking me if I knew those streamers.

Now! Fun fact! Unlike 95% of the brazilians in this fandom, these people were, in fact, not my childhood. I knew who Cellbit, Felps and Tazercraft were, of course, they were/are famous as hell. But, at the time they were at the peak of brazilian mcyt, my side of mcyt was the opposite of theirs (I was a rezendeevil fan. long story one day we need to put all the gringos up to brazilian mcyt lore), and previously I had only watched the old guard of brazilian mcyt (venom extreme kind of stuff). FUN FACT! I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA WHO FOREVER WAS! I had literally never heard of that man before and it just seemed so random to me, a random ass guy put along Cellbit, Felps and Tazercraft FEKWGFOIKWRRE

Now, due to them not being my childhood, I didn't really care about the qsmp. Like, oh, cool, brazilians are joining. But that was it to me, I had no interest in watching it at all. Then, the brazilians first day happened while I was sleeping, and my tl was FLOODING with videos about it. I saw fun clips of Cellbit, Felps and Tazercraft and found them funny, but that was it. After that I was just gonna ignore whenever it showed up on my timeline, block tags if necessary.

...And then I started seeing clips of Forever and Philza. And it was the most HILARIOUS stuff I had seen through the week. It was their interactions that made me be ok with the qsmp constantly showing up on my timeline, and it was their interactions that made me be somewhat more okay with mcrp.

So, fast foward a month. By then, I was used to qsmp clips showing up to me and some tweets about it, and then regret arc and guapoduo happened. This made me actually get interested in actively keeping up with the qsmp instead of just waiting for stuff to show up at my timeline. After a few days, I decided I'd hope on a qsmp stream just to see how things are.

This is the fun part: I was meant to be a Cellbit main, considering how it was regret and guapoduo what motivated me to watch a qsmp stream. But when I decided to hop on, Cellbit wasn't streaming but Forever was, and I was like "oh its the philza guy right? yeah im okay watching him" and decided to hop on. I think the first stream of his I watched was the one where he set up the Jaiden stasis chamber at the ordo.

And honestly, at first I tried really hard to keep up with Cellbits pov whenever Cellbit was streaming at the same time as Forever, but it just got harder. I don't know exactly what called me into Forever's pov at the time- maybe it was his relationship with Richas, maybe it was the way Forever was handling rp at the time, which had (and when he's not 100% loreing, still has) a thin layer of meta that just aligned with my current views on mcrp at the time. But Forever ended up being the pov I grew most attached and used to. I'd watch tazercraft during afternoons, sure, and I love them! But the moment Forever would open stream I'd come over running to him. I'd watch Cellbit when Forever wasn't on, but between the two, I'd always pick Forever.

And honestly, as a main Forever pov with a private twitter account and a tumblr lurker at the time BOY it was hard. my man was getting hate for some stupid shit and elections arc is a whole can of worms im not gonna open right now. But I'd never expected to grew so attached to a minecraft pov and to actually keep up with a streamer before- after 2016 I kinda just fell out of keeping up with youtubers/streamers.

And then we have the happy pills arc. This arc CHANGED my brain chemistry. But the pre happy pills arc stream, the one with the clock, I think that's the marking point for me. Because I cried when he wrote the letter to Richas, and let me tell you something, I don't cry easily watching media. The only times I had previously cried were:

Opening up KH3 and hearing dearly beloved for the first time (I had spent MY WHOLE LIFE SINCE 2013 waiting for KH3)

"Unsaid Emily" from Julie and the Phantoms (I have issues with my mom.)

Super Sonic in Sonic 2 movie ( Im a big sonic fan lmao)

So the fact that I cried with that letter SHOCKED ME. Never in a million years I'd have thought I would be crying over minecraft rp. And then in the next day he pulls the rug from underneath out of his viewers feets with the happy pills arc, surprising EVERYONE. The happy pills arc is still my favorite qsmp arc of them all and I hold it very close to my heart.

I think it's kinda funny that I kinda had the same evolution towards rp as Forever did- at the beginning the thought rp was cringe and said he'd only play normal minecraft in the qsmp, and now he delivered us two AMAZING arcs full of rp (I'm never getting over him smiling and crying to richarlystone and the black make up with the bleached hair, what the fuck)

I think I just fried my no sleep brain after writing all this cause Idk what else to write LOL. I appreciate cc!forever a lot for all he has brought to the table in the qsmp, for how he started as "haha funny brazilian man with his antics screaming and being funny obsessed over philza" and ended with one of the most tragic qsmp characters ever. I appreciate cc!forever for changing my view towards mcrp.

And also thank quackity for inviting forever to the qsmp and thank philza for having a urahara skin LMAO things would have gone very different for me if it wasnt for them.

I'll be keeping up with stonkscraft 3, but whenever forever comes back to the qsmp I'll be ready with my arms open to embrace what this man brings to the qsmp <3

also I WAS NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAID MY GRIEF OVER QFOREVER SERVED AS A FUEL FOR MY WORK OUT. i never progressed so much weight before (my leg press is insane wtf) and never did such a well done cardio on a >leg day< before what the actual shit

[sadisthetic]

alarmingly long hanahaki au jaya. i hurt jay quite a bit in this. this is a product of 4 straight days of insanity. im SO ILL. ABOUT JAYA. IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END OF THIS. I COMMEND YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME IN ADVANCE.

once again adapted from a twitter thread. its. like 165 tweets long. yeah. yeah. im lazy so its gonna be mostly copy pasted and lightly edited so if it sounds like im talking to myself I WAS. AND I WAS DOING IT FOR FOUR DAYS. 

anyways heres the start.

-

so hanahaki.... jaya.... season 3...... jay is absolutely the guy who gets hanahaki theres absolutely no doubt about that like absolutely none. but the world building tho... how should i handle it.... i want it to be canon compliantish. and more importantly. when should i give him symptoms. what would be most interesting

sure. i could give him hanahaki after he find out about nyas perfect match. but haha

what if he get petals earlier tho.

he doesnt understand why at first, why jay starts coughing up petals, he and nya are dating and in love. there shouldnt be any reason for it. its not bad yet so he just ignores it really hard or thinks he mustve gotten a weird strain because theres now way he has normal hanahaki because theres No Way! haha

so when he hears the truth there in his parents trailer, the roots around his lungs constrict and he cant tell the pain apart from his heart breaking in two. his chest hurts so much and he sees cole and just goes ballistic

just imagine. what thats like for him. hes mad but its a secondary response to the heartbreak. hes had signs literally inside all along but to actually find out? like this? jay cant take it

haha. the double date would suck so much HAHA. he holds it in through the whole duration of the movie but when its over he vomits full flowers in the bathroom

ive been mulling over the worldbuilding of hanahaki in this au of mine. i thinking i want it to be a departure from the standard hanahaki worldbuilding thats in fics. just slightly. mostly regarding the fatality and maybe treatments........ i think i want jay to have hanahaki the whole time until skybound. and so i think im gonna have to make hanahaki nonlethal. but kinda like chronic pain. if you cant let go of that love

im partially adopting another fics worldbuilding but i like the idea you can recover on your own if you simply fall out of love. its easier and less damaging the earlier you give up on the love. the roots atrophy and fade and theres not that much scarring. you can easily recover

but you know...... its jay. hes not gonna let it go. he cant. he loves nya.... i think he hides his affliction tho... because he knows nya doesnt want to get back together. and he doesnt want to look you know.... pathetic? desperate? overly clingy?

“you still hasnt gotten over nya?” “dude come on.” “give it up.” he doesnt want to hear it from the others. because he doesnt want to. 

but also he wants to save face in front of nya. hes scared itll drive her even further away. his heart cant take more of that. this distance hurts enough

so for months.............. he suffers the pain of one sided love. quietly. pretending that nothing is wrong and that jay is okay with them just being friends. of course jay could choose to surgically remove the hanahaki.... but he doesnt want to do that

i think im gonna keep a bit of the amnesia worldbuilding standard fics have. but im not gonna have it so that artificially removing the hanahaki makes you forget the person you love. no.... just the love that you felt. i think jay doesnt want to lose his love for nya..... also not being able to fall in love with nya scares him. hes just that fucking attached to her. he has it bad man. dude has attachment issues. hes so clingy. 

anyways. jay chooses to suffer. because hes that badly in love

jay self medicates on over the counter cough suppressants thats meant for the cold and more normal sickness. works surprisingly well. not ideal tho. he also fills his pockets with cough drops and sometimes makes himself sick when he accidentally eats too much on bad days

he gets sick of them. the sweet icky taste and menthol nausea but he doesnt have that many better ways to deal. its just a temporary fix too. considering that coughing is his body's natural way to get rid of the petals. and hes just letting them sit in his lungs

periodically he has to stay hunched over a trashcan to clear out the petals and yes its an awful experience every time. it becomes routine. the petals scratch his throat on the way out and he gets into tea to soothe the irritation. he becomes a regular at mistake's

in general, his ability to breathe starts to decline and he gets winded so much more easily. the plants in his chest limit his airflow and also steals the oxygen from his lungs. his chest is tight always and aches like theres thick needles lodged in his chest. those are the roots

usually its manageable. but it becomes harder to fight. battles usually end up leaving him wheezing. one of the guys teases him about it. that hes slacking and getting out of shape. he sidesteps that convo tho and brushes them off. he certainly cant be honest

im a sadist so im gonna making him pass out after one fairly vigorous battle. one which he has to push himself harder to make it out alive. so hard that his lungs cant keep up with the rest of his body and even when he gets himself to a safe corner or clearing, no amount of breaths is enough and he just blacks out. he eventually comes to a worried face shaking him awake. ill figure out who and when this is set later. either way they just assume jay got knocked out even though they cant find any wounds. theyre relieved he seems fine

but that was very bad. super duper bad for jay tho. he cant let that happen again. but these kinds of things are out of his control tho. but he just has to deal.

things comes to a head in skybound. i think itll be most dramatic if nya finds out in the lighthouse. after she rescues them and they successfully flee. when they settle and in moment jay cant hide he coughs out a gross mass of petals

and nya has a slow step by step realization of the implications. but before all that happens tho. nadakhan. i dont think he knew jay had hanahaki when he first targeted him. maybe. this point might change

but as it is, for the thought i have, nadakhan learns when jays meds wears off, and hes not even able to pop in a cough drop his mouth. and he vomits a messy slurry of petals onto the wooden floorboards of the deck. its EXTREMELY FUNNY to nadakhan, he mocks jay for it! he has hanahaki! that is so tragic! to think jay has known his love was utterly unrequited and yet he tried so hard to win her back. but it was all a hopeless, desperate, pathetic endeavor. so nya truly doesnt love jay, hm? so shes single and free for the taking. no hard feelings, then, when they marry

up on the ship, he coughs up so many flowers. he doesnt get enough sleep from the persistent coughing. and passes out multiple times, for a collection of reasons. from being knocked out, exhaustion, apnea, running out of breath after several matches of scrap n tap

i think it would be really sad and pathetic if there one incident where he chokes on a flower. and he cant cough it out and he thinks gonna die for reals. a pirate helps him out only to add insult to injury (and to torment him more to pull a wish out of him, hes better off alive than dead)

when hes rescued by his friends, theres no flowers around so none of his friends suspect. jay manages to keep the petals in his mouth, catching them behind his teeth, and swallows them back in. he coughs pretty bad but they all think he just got really sick. he looks awful after all

but thats of course only up until the lighthouse. ive been contemplating about how nya handles it all...... how she feels......... what is the most satisfying route here is much more trickier to figure out than just a fixit skybound au....... 

feelings are trickier and much more loaded........ the revelation certainly isnt going to be an easy thing for nya to swallow..... but lighthouse talk has so much potential....... jay might be honest for once..... because he has to be.... forced to be!

ngl lighthouse part of skybound has been super elevated in my head by favorite skybound fic so my perceptions of it and my own take on it for this au is probably going to be influenced by that. not in the sense im copying scenes but in the sense of like. oh yeah writer IS right, lighthouse ep TOTALLY has the massive potential for big feels and honesty. and revealing trauma/hurt feels. anyways. let me talk a bit about nya and the little dilemma i have.....

so like...... nyas part in the story is so tricky to handle.... because she entirely determines the ending of this story. much more so than in the original canon.....

because the crux of this story is the love between nya and jay... the lack of thereof from nya and the undying love from jay. hanahaki. unrequited love. the story is not just about jay making mistakes and being flawed as a person and being tested as a person and learning and growing his mistakes

in this au, the focus is specifically on his love for nya and how hes willing to hang onto it for so long despite how much it literally hurts him. love hurts. its barely even worth it. but to jay it is. this story is driven by his love. however how it ends all depends on nya.....

and heres the thing.... i know the way the "romance" in skybound was resolved was..... whats the word..... forced? it was insufficiently developed.... i cant recall the exact word i wanna use but it was just. tacked on. nyas change of heart kinda came out of nowhere....

nyas line in the lighthouse before she pushed jay through the portal is honestly inconsistent with her characterization that season up to the point. shes really didnt seem like she loved jay back at all. its entirely because the writers didnt write in those feelings

it takes a bit of creative thinking and interpretation to make jays and nyas get together at the end of the season work. you have to fill in the gaps of the romance yourself if you want it and want it to make sense and have it be satisfying

what i do for my fix it interpretation of canon is that nya didnt actually stop loving jay entirely in s3 breakup arc. instead i choose to think is that nyas desire for independence simply grew stronger enough to eclipse her love for jay

also i like to think nya liked jay more casually than he loves her so it was easier to break off their relationship. if youve seen my dream divorce ot3 slowburn get together break up get together fic (concept) (that only exactly two people know what im talking about). and also string of fate au. ESPECIALLY IN STRING OF FATE AU. then you know. my take on them. ANYWAYS.

the problem i have for this au is that i cant do that. i cant use that same interpretation to have them get together again. it doesnt work. because in this au.........nya really did fall out of love for jay. and having them get together again just like canon isnt.......satisfying

its tricky..... because to make nya fall in love with jay now after she learns he has hanahaki..... if im not careful ill be doing the same thing that the writers are doing. writing a careless romance solely because i want them to be together

and i DO want them to be together again.... but it requires a considerate approach if i really do want it. here..... the situation is this..... nya finds out jays has truly been in love with her for months STILL. and its bad enough he got hanahaki. i think she might feel uncomfortable about that. its unwanted love you know? being the object of someones desires still after you long broke up with them. she has moved on but jay hasnt? its super awkward for her...... but also...............

jay knows that. nya isnt stupid. she realizes that jay knows that and thats exactly why he kept it from her in the first place....... shes also uncomfortable because... jay is suffering because of her. she broke it off with him but its not like she doesnt care about jay 

no she still does. jay is still someone important to her. hes not just some ex. hes still a friend.... and her heart aches seeing jay suffer. her heart twists realizing that jay has been suffering this whole time on his own and she had no idea.

and it was out of consideration for her. its not entirely her fault jay has hanahaki..... but also she does feel a little bit responsible. sure jay messed up a lot recently and all of it is because he wanted to get back together with her and she doesnt like that.... but also..

learning about it put some things into perspective for her. like shes uncomfortable but jay has been hurt and is genuinely hurting still and she doesnt want to hurt him more and she wants to be gentle. so she starts thinking first. before she proceeds to deal with feelings

and so she starts really thinking about it. she was mad. she was mad jay kept so many secrets from them and endangered them all. and that he was STILL attached to her after all this time. shes still a little mad about that but also its subsiding a bit now....

if she really thinks about it.... jay had been respecting their break and her boundaries up until recently. in fact she only found out now, months later. jay actually did do a pretty good job of hiding those feelings. and not only that... his hanahaki.

that. she doesnt fucking understand how jay kept that a secret. ITS HANAHAKI. HOW DID HE HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. ITS THE MOST VISIBLE DISEASE. maybe she did notice jay smothering a cough or clearing his throat every so often but to think it was hanahaki this entire time......

....when did it start even...? she can only assume that it was around their breakup. they eventually have a talk. a really important one that jay cant run away from. it takes a bit for jay to be fully honest and tell her that he started spitting petals when they were still together

she becomes mortified by that fact. and what that means. and she gains a bit of perspective of how the perfect match debacle looked from jays perspective. she really was.... a terrible girlfriend during all that huh.... to nya it felt like a clean break..... but to jay.... it left him pretty raw. 

it didnt hit nya until know how much jay was hurt by the breakup even without considering the hanahaki. jay still loves her despite her cheating on him and making him fight over her because she couldnt decide? it seems that jay doesnt even care about that. doesnt even think she was a terrible girlfriend at the end of their relationship when she very much was. something is deeply wrong with jay (he loves her too much). jay hadnt been the best...... he had been really selfish and self centered. esp with the whole wish thing

but she comes to a realization that she was being really self centered too. its unfair for her to criticize jay for that when the very beginning of it all was because of nyas own selfishness. its unfair for jay to break up over something so stupid like a match making machine

of course part of it was still on jay. he should have still let go. you cant have a relationship in which only one person is in love. but.... she couldve gone about it in a better way. a way that wouldnt have hurt jay so much at the very least

he has apologized for everything involving nadakhan and keeping secrets.... maybe taking on more blame than he should.... nya owes jay an apology too. so at the very least she gives him a proper one. for her own faults

but she doesnt know how to fix jays hanahaki tho...... and to be honest? neither does jay. he tells her this. despite everything he didnt want to force her to love him. he didnt want to guilt her back into a relationship. he didnt want her to give him her pity also

thats part of the reason why he kept it a secret. he wanted to *win* her back. make himself more appealing so that nya would love him again. jay was super misguided in his approach and didnt understand why exactly nya broke up with him in the first place

but thats what he wanted... nyas genuine love. (im ignoring a tiny chip of canon for this. or im considering it a moment of weakness (jays dismay when he learns he cant wish for love). creative interpretation is that seeing his future in the mirror made him too hopeful and a bit desperate) anyways. jay is a hopeless romantic. who is extremely lovelorn. also hes chronically ill like literally. cut him a little slack

anyways anyways. i dont want nya to just get back together with him right after finding out about his hanahaki. its bad romance. it wont taste good. it wont be genuine......... 

as it is...... of course theres multiple options................ but they arent all happy. and i do feel like. a story like this does need a happy ending..... it would be too sad if it remains unresolved. im just gonna talk about the ends that kinda suck first

most unsatisfying but technically still very plausible end: a standstill. nya cant do anything to help. she wants to but she cant return jays love. jay understands but decides keep living with the hanahaki. the two of them keep living in this awkward status quo, knowing.

eventually jays hanahaki gets too much for him to handle and he either dies or nya/the others take matters into their own hands and without his consent, send him to surgery bc hes dying. unethical maybe but they want him to live

its super awkward after that.... but things return to normal and they all forget about it except for nya, where it lays heavy in her mind forever. if he dies its just tragedy. i dont want this kinda of end

a potential good neutral end however can be one in which jay tries his best to simply move on. try to process his one sided love into something... different somehow. because he accepts that nya has fallen out of love with him. he has long accepted that.

but they talk........... and a lot happens (being pushed into the portal, the rest of skybound). and jay has a realization too. nya may not love him in the same way.... it doesnt mean she doesnt love him. she still cares deeply.....

she cares about him a lot as a friend. that love is still worth something. its..... its more than what jay thought nya felt about him. it honestly felt like their relationship get demoted all the way down back to acquaintances, at best coworkers. not technically. they were still friends. but jay felt a yawning distance between them after the break up. its one part nya distancing herself from jay after that whole disaster. its also another part jay keeping his distance so that nya doesnt learn about his hanahaki

whatever talk between them was either just ninja business, surface level casual conversations, or small talk. it was awkward but only when they dwelled on it... (and jay did dwell on it) but in the lighthouse they actually talk Talked about things... about them. and jay learns

nya sacrifices herself to save jay in the lighthouse and he realizes that he still matters to her. the everpresent tightness in his chest doesnt leave but it.... loosens. and he breathes easier for the first time in a while

he still wishes that nya and him could get together romantically. but something about his feelings changes. he feels less lovelorn somehow. his heart still yearns a little. but somehow he feels more okay. he hurts less

and once time turns back and jay and nya share this secret and finally properly reconcile after everything is done. the pain in his chest abates more and more as time goes on. hes not sure if hes exactly cured. but he can live without hurting now somehow

he learns how to live with his unrequited love. and more importantly he doesnt need his love to be requited anymore. because love is love you know? she doesnt love him romantically but she does still love him. and thats still good

they were always a little mismatched in their feelings for each other anyways. jay isnt settling for lesser. nyas love for him now is just different not less. and jay accepts that. and hes content that they managed to fix them. their relationship. hes okay and happy

his own feelings... he doesnt know if they changed themselves also like nyas has. he doesnt feel like his love has changed. but the nature of it mightve become more ambiguous. and it doesnt matter anyways. he loves nya and that will never change

hmmmm i think this became less of a neutral end and more just an unrequited good end. and accidentally poured so much aro juice into it oh my god? i had a good requited end thought up kinda also before this end i just talked about the end first bc i wanted to talk about requited end last

i kinda came to really like good unrequited end........ im still gonna talk about good requited end tho. i kinda want opinions about which end is narratively the best..... even though i only have a confident audience of two

i think requited end is a bit more dramatic..... nya really doesnt know what to do. she broke it off with jay. she wants to fix him. she really wishes he didnt get hanahaki for *her* of all people....

whats so great about her anyways that he would live like this for months on end be just ok with it. she thinks if she was in jays shoes she would long moved on. she doesnt get what is worth the pain and risk

either way she doesnt want to date him out of pity. she distinctly has a feeling that wouldnt actually fix anything. and probably jay doesnt want that too. but also she cant fabricate love

she feels suffocated by just the prospect and it reminds nya about why she dumped jay in the first place. this whole thing reminds nya why she dumped him. jays love was always too much for her. smothering. of course he gets hanahaki. why is she even surprised. if anyone would, its jay. she doesnt want to resent him for it though. hes hurting because of it. and he spared it from nya up to this point and she only found out because jay couldnt help it. who knows how much longer he wouldve kept this secret

but as is. she doesnt know what to do. so they stay in the lighthouse awkwardly together. they were honest with each other but now what? .....actually. curing hanahaki can come later. they gotta focus on saving their friends and all of ninjago first before they can deal with them

HHMMMMMMMM....... i think despite knowing about how much jay love her.... she doesnt really... Get It. HOW he loves her i mean. quantity vs quality. when they were first dating, to her it was really casual. in my mind jay was first attracted to nya shallowly too

but then he fell deeper. more genuinely. and that contributed to a greater discrepancy between their level of affection. nya for the most part has been believing that jays obsession with her is because hes just too clingy and attached. and like he is. but.... its like the product of the intensity of the emotion you know? his love for her manifested in jay in a way that put nya off a little. contributed to the reason why nya dumped him all those months ago.... having a heart to heart gave her some perspective on what it has been like for jay but

thats different from Understanding you know? comprehending... seeing the depth... anyways... so jay had been acting too chivalrous up to that point right? and then nya learns about jays hanahaki and chalks up his behavior to him overcompensating...... a symptom even

nya thinks its just jay trying his best to win her back. she doesnt really have that many reasons to think otherwise. its whats consistent. this all happened because jay wanted them to get together again. whatever, she has decided that shes going to forgive jay for all that, needless acts of chivalry included. even tho. she really doesnt like that. calls it a force of habit and puts it aside. for more Important Things like taking care of jay and taking nadakhan Down

but then they get found and theyre scrambling fast to prepare for the attack and counterattack. they manage to fall into a frantic but familiar routine of collaborative repairs and fixes and asides from jays incessant coughing reminding nya that things are pretty awful.... its nice

she doesnt get to feel that way for long tho. their haven is raided and their prep wasnt enough, theyre struggling, theres way too many pirates and its just the two of them against what feels like an army and theyre on the way to losing and nadakhan is nowhere to be found

they try to stick together to have each others backs but they get separated anyways and they start doing even worse. im changing up the action scene btw. nya manages sweep a bunch of pirates away but doubloon is one of the ones that could actually put up a fight

meanwhile jay isnt fairing very well and maybe worse because he was already injured and also his hanahaki makes it really hard. he fights for his breath trying to hold his own. he gets fucking smashed by dogshank through the floor onto the stairwell below. all the air is knocked from him

and he legitimately cant breathe for a solid moment. hes wheezing and he coughs hard enough to vomit. he doesnt have his breath back when he looks up and sees nya panicking at the sight of him and shes distracted and jay sees doubloon take an opening

jay doesnt even breathe when he instantly fires a lightning bolt from prone towards doubloon. and hes already up and sprinting to nyas side to fill her blindspot.

hes on the cusp of an asthma attack, he can feel it, but he doesnt have the time to worry about it (as if he had any control over it) his chest is tight and his breaths are too shallow and it hurts but he pushes through it to protect nya. hes slipping though

assaulted from all sides, between doubloon and dogshank and all the pirates, jay knows theyre going to lose. mostly because of him. hes dragging the two of them down and why did he ever think the two of them had the chance and why did he ever think that nadakhan would even come (hes not gonna this turned into a full divergence now) and even if he wasnt flagging hard now, he can feel it his chest that hes going to pass out if this goes on for any longer and leave nya to fend for himself and get them both captured and he cant let that happen.

nya is at her wits fucking end she can feel them losing too and nya refuses to think about how at this rate both of them are going down, but she wont let them. but, among the harsh clangs of weapons, the rush of floods, and the cracks of lightning at jays fingertips,

through all this discord, at this proximity she can hear jays struggled breaths and its the most terrifying sound in the world. then suddenly shes shoved to the side and hears a crash and a cry and when nya looks jays sliced through by doubloons sword

then something glows by her feet and nya realizes what jay did. he broke the teapot. clutching at his wound, jay gives nya a strained smile. he says "sorry" and kicks her in before she can object. before the portal closes she watches jay take a stand only to be subdued

she lands in the junkyard with a bad tumble. she just lies in the dust and dirt in shock. it happened too fast. jay sacrificed himself for her? jay risked himself even though he was the one who needed protecting and got himself hurt to pull that stunt.

and now hes in their clutches again. rage begins to well up. why! why?! why did jay do that?! is he stupid! there had to be a better way, they couldve escaped together and regrouped! tears begin to well up as well. nya gets up and smashes a bunch of junk

jays parents come out after that. and nya realizes where she is for the first time and forces herself to calm down. she sorts out her feelings over ednas soup after shes pulled into the trailer..... 

at first she doesnt get it. shes too upset to think about it. she vents to jays parents about what he did. "why did he do that?" and it was meant to be a rhetorical question for herself but edna gives her an answer thats way too simple.

"because he loves you." 

and nya is hit with another rude realization. shes been having too many of those

jay..... loves her. deeply. truly loves her genuinely, more than he cares about himself. its not just lingering attachment. its a deeper, more sincere love than nya could ever fathomed. nya knew how much jay loved her. but at the same time she didnt. she didnt get how he loved her

she feels a way about that. all this time jay loved her this bad? bad enough to catch hanahaki, bad enough to keep his hanahaki, bad enough to hide it. bad enough to *wish* for her love, to suffer, ang to get hurt for her...

she thinks he loves her bad enough to die for her. she really feels a way about that. her heart starts beating fast. she doesnt want to put together why. she kinda wants to cry.

why was she so mean to him... sometimes he deserved the little things he had coming but why was she so harsh. why did she fall out of love with him..... well she knows but also.... she was really unfair to him huh. jay wasnt perfect and he was too much but... she doesnt know.

all she knows is she feels a lot of regrets right now.. and moved by jay what did for her... along with this third unplaceable feeling. 

(she started falling in love again)

its a slow gradual thing tho. nya doesnt place it immediately. she doesnt think she wanted to after she broke up with him herself. didnt even think it was possible.

but eventually nya feels very embarrassed by it when she realizes. because 1) oh my god shes falling in love with him after falling out of love and dumping him? is she shameless? and also 2) flustered because shes For Reals in love this time now beyond the casual kind of love she held for him before. this realizaton doesnt happen anytime soon. probs a good amount of time after everything resolves

so for narrative purposes i swapped jays and nyas roles for this last part of the story only. i think its safe to say jay is not treated kindly when he reboards the ship. in fact i think theyre even crueler for letting nya get away. before he was just roughed up to play with him

a form of coercion to get him to make his last wish. this time theyre taking it out on jay as punishment. nya assembles a rescue party like jay does in canon and somehow rescues jay and she hates the state that she finds him hes in

i think he'll be easier to rescue than nya because hes not like.... nadakhans bride. but wait..... WAIT NO IT COULD HARDER BECAUSE THEY COULD SET HIM UP AS BAIT FOR NYA TO COME GET HIM.... FUCK CURSE MY WHUMP DRIVEN BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! ITLL BE SO MUCH HARDER TO GET HIM LIKE THIS BUT— 

THE IMAGE OF JAY BEING TIED/STRUNG UP IN PLAIN VIEW.... fuck. figuring it out is too hard and i dont even need to figure it out for the romance do i like goddammit. fucking sequencing..... maybe they get their friends out of the sword first.... somehow.

as for how they beat nadakhan..... i havent thought up a good way. i dont think it should go the same way as canon. i want nya to actually have her agency and not take it away again after ive given it to her. 

i however dont know what jays wish should be. thats like so hard to figure out. this end is a significance divergence from canon. oh also jay has been thoroughly gagged so he cant say his wish. and also maybe because the pirates got sick of his coughing. nadakhans goal for torturing jay has changed.

he doesnt want him to break and submit and wish himself away anymore. he has better use in making sure nya comes to him. well he can still break him. its extra motivation. an incentive for nya to be a bit more faster and careless in her desperation to save him. he just shuts jay up also.

also im a sadist. anyways back to defeating nadakhan.... its a little tough ngl! for me and for nya! because this story has diverged so considerably. it cant have the same climax as canon. it just doesnt work. not even when theyre roleswapped

nya cant make a wish. she doesnt have anymore wishes. or hmm maybe she does have one left like jay does in this timeline but i dunno.... technically i could do that bc nya used up her wishes in only stupid ways so its not that hard of a change. 

it changes their game plan in the lighthouse just a bit but in this version nadakhan doesnt even show up so story wise its a nonfactor. they both couldve made a wish and stopped things. but they dont get the chance to do that.

but either way nya having a wish is an option, not something thats set in stone. also i think nya gets a hold of the venom. either jay had passed it to her when he pushed her into the portal or it stayed on his person and was confiscated and nya obtained it because clancee told her about it. which ever works. man is jay doing rough in this au. hes suffering so many consequences....i think as hes bound and helpless, hes gonna have a lot of thoughts... and a lot of regrets

he wishes he never kept secrets, he wishes he didnt make things worse.... i think he wishes nya doesnt come and rescue him. because if she does and she gets captured and nadakhan marries her for infinite wishes then itll all be his fault. again. because nya risked herself for him

so jay hopes nya doesnt come. he wants her to be safe even if it means hes forever captured. its better than the worst case scenario. 

but a tiny tiny tiny part of jay that is wishful does hope that he is rescued. because hes weak. he selfishly wants nya to save him

he shouldve learned by now that his desire for nya doesnt do him any good. but the part thats terrible and in love still wishes for better. he wants to be saved. he wants to be forgiven. he wants to fix things. he doesnt want to hurt anymore.

he thinks he can accept nya never loving him again. but he wants to stop aching in his chest. but he cant let go of his love. at this point its a part of who he is. so even though hes resigned to suffer and part of him foolishly hopes. he wishes

but jay doesnt get it. nya HAS forgiven him. she wishes she has never hurt jay like she did and if she could she would take it back. shes determined to fix things one way or any other. she has to save him or shes the worst. jay never deserved *all* of this.

once she saves him shes going to fix them. somehow.

and somehow they do. with a wish i cannot fucking figure out so SPARE ME. but i think... they dont go back in time. things arent undone and theres damage everywhere. so much repairs to be done. and theres a start to everything

i think i forgot to mention but at the end of unrequited good end, which honestly i think friendship end is a more fitting name, jay and nya hug at the end of skybound when time rolls back. no kiss. i think the same happens at the end of requited end too. time doesnt roll back but they have moment... hug.. but still no kiss. not yet. nya hasnt realized her feelings are changing. actually she might it takes a bit for them to develop. jay and nya start having a very honest relationship with each other tho

nya doesnt want to ignore jays hanahaki and jay comes to a similar conclusion as friendship/unrequited end. he realizes nya still cares for him A Lot as a friend, she cared so much she risked everything to walk into nadakhans trap guns blazin. and he doesnt want to jeopardize their friendship by distancing himself.

he wants things to be normal between them despite his hanahaki. and the funny thing is that... in this end, jays hanahaki gets somewhat more manageable too.... but its for a different reason in this au. lol. lol. because his feelings are becoming requited.

his hanahaki isnt suddenly gone one day because nyas feelings are so ambiguous tho. and when she does finally realize that shes fallen for jay. she actually goes into a bit of denial. for a mix of reasons. 

its not because nya doesnt want to cure jay of his hanahaki. she just didnt think thats a thing that can happen. falling in love again. she was also so very sure that she didnt have feelings for jay anymore before so its also a pride thing she has going on. subconsciously, she doesnt want to take things back because shes stubborn.

and its also one part nya feeling like shes doing jay a little bit dirty somehow (her brain making her overthink in a twisted way) and that she wouldve been toying with jays feelings if she returns them now. after all this time has passed.

is she that fickle? (its not her being fickle) and nya cant quite place why she has feelings for jay again. nya feels like jay probably deserves someone better than her, someone who hasnt hurt him so bad.

nya has trouble understanding herself so she thinks shes being flaky and worries her feelings are flaky also and she doesnt want to hurt jay again with such uncertain feelings. i am making nya feel so fucking complicated and conflicted. FEELINGS ARE OFTEN AS SUCH!!!

but despite nya's internal turmoil, her feelings for jay are very genuine. she might think they are arbitrary but thats not quite the case. well her love is arbitrary as any other love is. but anyways. she fell again because jay did win her over, not even when he was trying to.

his sincere love... his dedication. when nya saw it in a different light it was attractive to her. she appreciates that jay loves her the way he does now. also before (the breakup) her love for jay was a bit shallow. it was just that casual. but now what she feels for jay is more genuine. and more equal. eventually she sorts it out. there might be some of romantic drama to get her to get there though. a bit more accidental hurt.

i had the tangential thought that jay might tell nya that his hanahaki is getting better causing her to go "on no". jays finally letting go of his feelings over for her and nya doesnt want to mess that up. hes finally recovering when she catching feelings again?

of course this would happen to her. shes glad but shes wistful she missed her chance at having a boyfriend who truly cares about her like jay does.... serves her right. .... nya is an idiot lol... jays is getting better bc of her skdjhtrglksdj. anyways

eventually... they talk. and sort it all out. all the hurt and feelings and love. nya opens up and confesses and jay cries about it lol. because this is all he had ever wanted ever since he fell in love with nya. the elation he feels is unparalleled. and tightness in his chest finally vanishes all together and he feels better than he has in ages. of course he says yes. he tells nya things to erase her doubts. and it took a lot of trouble to get here but theyre here now. together again for reals. and neither of them can believe it. 

they hold hands. and they finally kiss

-

I THINK. THATS THE END OF REQUITED END. WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS END WERE INITIALLY MUCH SHORTER, SHORTER THAN, UNREQUITED/FRIENDSHIP END? ON GOD. WHAT HAPPENED. ITS BECAUSE I FELT LIKE REQUITED END REALLY NEEDED FULLY BEAT OUT DEVELOPMENT. OR ELSE I COULDNT BE SATISFIED WITH IT. IM A LITTLE EMBARRASSED BY WHAT I CAME UP WITH FEELS KINDA SAPPY BUT I CANT TELL IF IT IS. IM ARO. THIS ISNT MY HOME TURF. BUT I WANTED REQUITED END TO BE ACTUALLY VIABLE WITHOUT FEELING FORCED.... I WANTED TO BE AS SATISFIED WITH THIS AS I AM FOR UNREQUITED END. AND ENDED UP NEEDING TO PUT IN 100 TIMES THE WORK SDJKTUFHIGTLSDKJ. I THINK I ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I WANTED THO...... I THINK ITS OKAY..........

okay. im finally picking flowers. ive been thinking about it a bit while i wrote this whole thing. it wasnt a priority. but i do wanna pick some flowers that fit this story....

had the thought that depending on the end of this au (... i have aus within my au huh....) jay actually has different flowers. different meanings and symbolism.

i want jays primary flower to be an anemone for the record. “forsaken love”. nods. thats pretty representative of jays love for like. 3 seasons. also.... shares a name with the ocean animal. water... small connection with nya... not directly representative of her but it does a little. anemone has a few other meanings as well and i think those can fit too depending on the end. but the primary meaning im using is forsaken love (apparently its specifically the red and pink ones that mean this. please do note all these flower language resources are pretty inconsistent from each other)

tragic death end- anemone (specifically red- also means death), red poppy (remembrance in death), red spider lily (am i going too ham with the death flowers? yes. would jay see this as an ill omen? definitely. however. symbolism. also this bouquet is just So red. with blood lol)

tragic lost love (surgery) end- anemone, yellow chrysanthemums (broken/slighted love), black dahlia (betrayal), narcissus (unrequited love, selfishness), rue (regret), i would add forget me nots if i didnt think it doesnt fit with the colors

friendship/unrequited end- anemone, yellow rose (bros the meaning of the yellow rose is so fucking loaded LMAO. friendship, infidelity (nya), undying love? the wiki sure lists a lot), dandelion (overcoming hardship, growth, hope, and healing, friendship)

requited end- anemone, sea lavender (remembrance/memory, sympathy, i love you), sea holly (independence (nya) and attraction (jay)). okay so i dunno if a bouquet of these would look good together per se but.... ocean theme.... and also i wanted the flowers to rep both jay and nya in meanings.... since this is the end in which theyre together after all....

flower language is fucking hard. but i cant NOT put sincere thought into it. its fucking hanahaki i feel like i Gotta. btw these arent 100% set in stone i might change my mind about them? but i do really like anemone tho.... and tangential thought hgtjbnfjkghl sea holly would be fucking AWFUL for jay to cough up. esp when he starts spitting full flowers. those look like they hurt. just like what its like to love nya (lol). flower that would definitely make him cough blood

anyways..... if you made it to the end of this..... thank you.... this post is literally over 7600 words. thats like a long one shot. this is more like a fic outline tho. anyways anyways.... madness legit descended upon me while i wrote this all. i hope you enjoyed. i did this for my self satisfaction but if other people enjoyed this also i kinda wanna know

holds up a glass. cheers to jays suffering and heartbreak

(og thread here)

[nicolesainz]

No other shade of blue but you (MM19)

Mason Mount x reader

Warnings: angst, slight dni, sexual themes, fluff

“And the game is over. Four-nil, Manchester City over Chelsea. Another unlucky game for the Londoners against the blues of Manchester. This is certainly not the way Potter and his team would’ve wanted to leave Manchester”

The cameraman would focus on all the disappointed faces of the Chelsea players. Her heart aches for all of them, but mostly Mason. She was hoping that after his accident during training and him being out of the last match, he would bring something to the team. He did everything he could but unfortunately, just wasn’t his day.

She needed to comfort her best friend somehow. She couldn’t simply let him sink in his feelings after a loss. Immediately grabber her keys and went to the nearest wine shop and market to buy a few sweets to cheer him up as much as she could. Thankfully, Mason had given her, her own pair of keys, so she was free to go in his apartment, whenever she needed something to lend or to take. Being childhood best friends, he trusted her with his life and so did she.

After the table had been arranged, the lights had been turned off and the candies placed all together, she waited for him to come back from Manchester. Of course it would take some time, so she was patient. She was simply scrolling through her Twitter account, when she started bumping to a few mean tweets about the Chelsea players and mostly her best friend.

‘Chelsea’s golden boy? I don’t think so’

‘He tripped on his own feet. For gods sake’

‘Should have been benched. Practically did nothing all 90 minutes’

‘Still don’t know why he’s a main player at this point!’

Disgusting. Utterly disgusting. And extremely hurtful. Why were people so mean? Mason isn’t Chelsea himself! He’s a member of the team. The other players were unlucky too, but no one seemed to comment on their performance. All they wanted was to bring Mason down.

On a positive note, there were fans who backed Mason, against all the negativity he received. She hoped that he wouldn’t bother opening Twitter tonight.

‘We were unlucky for the start. Not Mounts fault at all’

‘Mase did the best he could. And the other players and rookies too. City was simply better tonight’

‘You shouldn’t judge someone, if you don’t put yourself in their shoes’

‘Knock it off. If it wasn’t for Mount, in half of the games we would have lost’

She felt much better seeing those positive comments amongst the negative ones. You could truly see who are the true fans.

Suddenly, she heard a key opening the door. Mason was here. He didn’t even notice her at first. His head was down and he immediately threw at the corner of the room his bag and shoes.

Once he realized someone was in the room, he looked up, only to be faced with a sympathetic look against his best friends face.

“Y/N? What are you doing here? What happened?” Even though he was sad, his concern if something bad had happened to her was even bigger.

“I’m here to cheer you up and say I’m sorry. Mase, you gave it all. It was simply an unlucky time”

“Thank you, Y/N, but that doesn’t really help”

She was shocked by his statement. Of course she knew that with candy and wine nothing would be fixed but this was kinda rude.

“Everyone falls down. But they are obliged to rise up again and keep going no matter what”

“Really not the time for encouraging speeches and stuff”

He wouldn’t even look at her in the eyes. Mason was not acting like himself.

“It was a game. It wasn’t only you who didn’t score! No one did.”

“It’s not a game and I should have scored! There’s a reason why Potter doesn’t bench me and keeps me on the pitch”

“Of course he knows what he’s doing but it just wasn’t meant to happen today. There are more matches to go. This isn’t the end of the world”

“You clearly don’t understand, Y/N. Just, don’t, okay? Thank you for the sweets and the wine and everything but it’s not the simple”

“Then what is it Mason? What fucking is it? Explain to me since I’m too stupid to understand!”

“We are under-fucking-performing! Can’t even score a goal, win a match, or even defeat a team that is below us on the Premier League for fucks sake! And the worst part is, I apparently can’t move my feet. I’m too of a klutz to play damn football”

“Tell me one team that hasn’t been through this! Just one! Last year, you were unbeatable! Hell you won the Champions League. Every team has its ups and downs. Don’t take it personally”

“Don’t tell me what to take personally or not! You’re not the one recovering immense hate because of a god damn game!”

“Have you seen my story?”

“What?”

“My story! I turned my account public just for this”

He was confused at first. He couldn’t understand why she was saying that, until he saw what she had posted.

‘Be mean. Be cruel. Be hateful. But you will receive nothing. If you don’t like something or someone you move on. There’s no reason to bring it down or hurt it. Today Chelsea wasn’t at her best. And this hasn’t only happened to this team. It has happened to all the teams, all around the world leagues. We all have good and bad days. I saw a lot of comments hating on my best friend’s performance today. All I have to say is that you gained nothing from that. No satisfaction. No purpose. No nothing. In fact, you received criticism yourself, by judging someone you haven’t met and don’t know if they are going through something. Mason was a trooper today and did whatever player would have done for his team if they were loosing. Fight. Fight until the end. And that’s what he did”

Mason couldn’t believe what he had just read. Not even his PR would have released such a statement. Not even his family did. Of course neither her nor his family were in the public eye, but she did as much as she could have to support him no matter what. She may even receive weird comments for being defensive and supportive towards Mason but she didn’t care. All she cared about was her best friend.

She was now standing at the door, about to leave. Apparently Mason would prefer to be alone and take some time off. And that was the most logical option. It wasn’t a good idea to show up unannounced and expect him to have a change of hearts with treats and alcohol.

“If you need me Mase, I’m a call away. Have a good night” she walked out and made her way towards her car. She felt her heart sinking when Mason didn’t react to her leaving at all. But she shouldn’t. He is a bad mood and wants to be alone. Respectable.

On the other hand, Mason was still shocked with the story and kept on reading it, that hadn’t realized, Y/N, wasn’t in the room anymore.

“What the fuck? Did she leave. Oh my god” were his first words after he understood she had been gone. All she wanted was to fix his mood and he just shoved her away like nothing. Way to go.

She had been the only one that after a continuation of bad matches, she was always next to him, helping and confronting him in the best way possible. She could keep him company and try not to annoy him. Would do whatever he asked if it meant for him to be happy and crack a smile. Whenever he smiled though, she would too. And that’s what made Mason fall in love with her. Her openness and generosity towards him. She waited for him to come back from Manchester and would always wait, whether they were playing in London or somewhere else in the UK. She would wait.

Mason without thinking, put on his shoes and sped into his car, making his way back to Y/N’s house. He had to apologize for acting so shitty and he had to be honest with her. Regardless of her reply and reaction. She needed to know that to him, she wasn’t just a childhood best friend. He wanted her to be the one he would see after every game, good or bad. To be the one he would hug every day and night.

Y/N had taken off her clothes and was wearing a plain black hoodie with a white Mercedes logo on the front. Her hair was loosen up and had tucked herself in the bed, watching old formula 1 races to relax. There were loud knocks on her door, with a familiar voice following them.

“Y/N, are you home? I need to talk to you”

“Are you insane? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at home?

He was standing there, trying to catch his breath and digest what he’s about to say and do.

“I acted idiotically. You came around once again only to lighten up my mood and I was a dick to you. You don’t deserve this Y/N. I would totally understand if you don’t forgive me..”

“Mason it’s okay! I understand that you’re not in the best position and I should have respected that”

“No, because I want this. I want you to be close to me. Always. I want you to be the first person I look at every morning and see after every practice or game, no matter the result. You always go out of your way for me and I was so used to it to realize that it’s those small gestures that made me fall in love with you”

If she could cry at the moment, she would’ve. But her heart was too full of his sweet words to let a tear drop. Her lifelong best friend had opened up. God knows how long she waited for this moment. Crushing on him since they were little kids, she couldn’t risk losing him over her feelings. That’s why she kept them buried.

“Please tell me you’re not joking”

“Why would I be joking about my feelings, love?”

“Because if what is happening right now is real, I want us to be real too. The hours I’ve spent thinking about how I’d do anything to see you smile and hold you are countless. And I am falling in love too”

Mason’s smile had never been wider and more truthful. His eyes were literally sparking from happiness and he was drowning in joy. This was everything.

Without thinking, he instantly smashed his lips onto her, showing her more of what she means to him. Y/N is taken aback but doesn’t stop kissing him. Even forces herself deeper. Her heart was fluttering and couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

Quickly the kiss turned into a headed make out session. Mason’s tongue slipped between her teeth, only to dance with hers. Her hands were roaming all over his hair, whilst his were holding her hips firmly.

She could feel his erection pushing her, which led her to let out a small giggle.

“Someone’s excited”

Mason didn’t reply but swiftly moved his hands under her hoodie. She was wearing nothing but this and her panties. He was about to go insane.

“Jump” he demanded and she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, as he guided their tangled bodies in her room.

When the door opened, she broke their kiss by removing his shirt, revealing his muscly body. Oh the nights she’s spend thinking of having that body on top of hers. This dream would come alive.

“I can’t get enough of you” Mason murmured underneath their kiss, as his mouth now moved towards her neck, leaving strong kisses which would lead to apparent marks.

“Then I’m all yours” she replied with a groan trying to escape her mouth. Mason had full control of her at that moment.

“And only mine” he fiercely said while ripping her panties apart. He had an obstacle and removed it with just one motion.

At first, he got a taste with his fingers. She was dripping for him and he had barely even started. He wasn’t shocked at all. Just happy he had that effect on her.

“I wonder how often you get wet just by thinking of me” he smiled at her as she rolled her eyes playfully, not denying his speculations

“Don’t hold back those screams baby” Mason lowered his head and with a swipe on her pussy his tongue brought euphoria to her soul. Swirling around led to her not stop screaming his name. The walls may have been thin, but her limits with Mason were even thinner. She needed him.

“Two or three” she felt empty as he had removed his mouth from her and could barely utter another word besides his name.

“Use your words, love”

“Three” she almost whispered before Mason had already entered and making her grip on his hair so hard. She was even afraid of falling apart.

His movements were smooth as his fingers would pump in and out in a relatively fast pace. He could feel her clench around his fingers which helped a satisfactory grin form on his lips.

“Fucking hell Mase”

“I thought this was heavenly babe” a quirky reply which made her rise and grab his face close to hers.

“I can make you see stars. All you have to do is simply ask”

[modelbus]

Ayup! I saw that your requests are open so I was wondering...if you have time, could you possibly write something about CC!platonic!Wilbur x GN!aromantic!teen!reader and they have a cute sibling relationship? Maybe after reader comes out to the public, they get hate for "ruining" romantic ships that fans created with reader and someone else (can't think of any specific person so it could be reader's best friend they've had on stream a couple times) and Wilbur stands up for them?? As an aromantic who craves and adores this type of content, it kinda bums me out that I can't seem to find it anywhere. (sorry if this is too long or too specific, i just really like the way you write). Could be headcannons or a oneshot, whichever is comfy and easiest for you. Whether you'd like to ignore or write, it's up to you, feel free to do with this what you will. Have an amazing day/night! :]

Happy Pride month!! Here's some headcannon things! I used "Alex" as the best friend's name because it's pretty androgynous and can be used for any gender.

I've been crazy busy recently, and so caught up with other things, but hopefully this offers you the content you wanted <3

Pairing: CC!Wilbur x Gn!Aro!Reader (Platonic)

Abashed Aromantic

Wilbur is absolutely pissed when he sees the sheer amount of hate you're getting on Twitter.

He wants to make a statement right then, but you convince him it's fine and that the love you're getting from the community greatly outweighs the hate.

It takes a lot of convincing to get him to stand down though, he's just so upset that people would dare be mad at you for who you are.

"Are you sure you don't want me to say anything? You know I'd gladly tear into them. It's not right-"

"I know, Wilbur. I'm sure." You say softly.

Wilbur nods, then pauses and starts again, unable to help himself it seems.

"They're all full of shit anyways-"

No matter how much hate you get, you keep telling him it's okay, so he respects your boundaries and doesn't say anything.

Even as your dm's flood with threats and messages about how you're ruining "ships" for your fandom, you stay quiet, hoping it'll just go away.

That is, until the hate goes too far, to the point where not even your Moderators can manage all the hateful messages on streams. Some slip by, and, of course, those are the ones you manage to read.

It's meant to be a peaceful "just chatting" stream when the donation comes through, somehow making it past all of your mods.

The stream donation sound sounds out over your headphones, and you perk up, waiting for text-to-speech to read the message aloud.

"I can't believe you're ruining all of our ships by being aromantic. You really would've been perfect with Alex. Fuck you." The robotic voice reads out. For a voice that's usually so comforting, ice-cold hurt races through your veins at the message.

It's just too much. You were trying so hard to ignore all the hate, ignore how the ship name for you and your best friend trended for days after you came out, but you can't anymore. And all because of something you couldn't even control.

Silence falls in the stream. That is, until Wilbur speaks up. You had almost forgotten he was in a call with you, so swept away in the donation.

"Who said that? Who was that?" He asks. Wilbur didn't get truly mad often, but in this moment you're glad you're not the one he's pissed at. "To that person and anyone else who thinks that message is okay, fuck you. That's not okay."

"Wil-"

"No. It's not okay." You snap your mouth shut, realizing that there's no stopping Wilbur. Even though you tried to stop him, a part of you can't help but rejoice at him speaking up for you, protecting you. "You aren't ruining anything by being yourself. Hear that, chat? Get that through your heads."

You scan chat, waiting anxiously to see their reactions. For the first time since you came out, it's overwhelmingly positive. True relief comes rushing through you, like a breath of fresh air.

"Now. Where were we?" Wilbur asks, nudging you along. "We were talking about bees, right?"

Later, you thank him, but Wilbur won't even let you thank him. He just keeps saying that it was "his job to protect you" and to "fuck the haters."

He makes sure to post a Tweet about it too, once you give him the okay to.

...and he makes an Instagram post with just photos of you two. Just to make it very clear.

In order to make sure you're entirely okay, he insists on having a movie night and binge-watching all of the Marvel movies in order. Popcorn, snacks, blankets, and all.

(Wilbur is upset at himself for a while after because he felt like he should've done something sooner, but eventually he's just glad to have put an end to the overwhelming hateful messages you were getting.)

And, of course, he makes sure to not let anyone give you shit after that. Even the slightest hint of hate towards you has him loudly proclaiming how amazing you are.

"You're aromantic, right?"

You pause at the question from the other streamer before answering carefully. It's your first time talking to them, and it's in a MCC no less. "Yeah."

"Oh. That's... interesting."

Maybe it's the tone of their voice, but something about the statement rubs you the wrong way. You shake your head, planning to move on, but Wilbur jumps into the conversation.

"Damn right it's interesting. And only in the best of ways." He proclaims.

You smile to yourself, thankful for Wilbur every goddamn day.

"What's your Ace Race time again?" He asks you. "Isn't it ridiculously fast? You're just so good at MCC, you'll have to carry this team. You'll get us the points there for sure, probably single-handedly get us to victory-"

[louisisalarrie]

Hi i wanted to ask something. So many old vet larries like Srslycris and Ssfoc left and came back and said that Harry is an awful person (fame hungry and all) and used Louis. Some of their theories do make sense because it does look like Harry used or misled Louis to have a better career. Also, in 2018 things changed so many vet larries left....I really think because they either knew something we don’t or because they also thought it was going South.....what do you think?

Hi lovely. This turned out deeper with more feelings than I thought! But im a bit cooked wearing a 1d shirt so it was bound to happen, and now here we are. Welcomeeeee to the show!

Many of the vets have left, unfortunately. There are still a solid amount of us left, but tumblr was such a different place back in the day. There’s only so much kind of… non evidence and stunts and hate you can take. This fandom is very toxic at times and we all encouraged each other to take a step back (I did too! But more because life got in the way… but also because it’s easier when you’re not being constantly fed larry content like in the 1d days) to keep our mental health solid and not subject ourselves to all the NEW hate we were/are getting.

Because, as Larries in the 1d days, we got hate from antis, and antis only. It was one fandom, split up between two sides (with the third being neutrals which there weren’t a lot of because you kinda were expected to pick a side).

After the boys started releasing solo music, we didn’t just get hate from antis. We now get hate from solo harries (which there are SO many of), solo Louies, and other solo fans who’ve been here since the 1d days who now just Stan one of the boys. So many larries turned and picked a side because it’s just… easier. Being a larrie these days is no easy thing. The hate and back and forth and lack of evidence is really difficult and well… it’s a lot easier loving the boys from afar, that’s for sure.

But it’s also because tumblr 1d stans are such a smaller community now. Whether you’re a solo, anti, or larrie, there are so much less of us. This platform has been on the down for yeaaaaars (unfortunately), and it’s not what it used to be. It’s just… different now. And Twitter has made a weird comeback but it’s very extreme solos and larries and antis. It’s not a space you can talk about your interests/theories/beliefs without one or the other finding you and just hating on you hardcore. The Tumblr larrie community is fucking wonderful, but Twitter Larries are so different and it’s all just… a different world.

Also, be mindful about our ages at the time. A lot of Larries and 1d fans were similar ages, right in that peak demographic. Around 2018, a lot of us had hit an age where we were really becoming adults and sorting out careers, moving out, having partners… not having time to focus on larry with such little evidence/content coming our way. If 1d were still together? Sure. A lot of us would’ve stayed. But I took a step back in that time too, and I get it 1000000%. Loving an artist and listening to their music, going to concerts occasionally, and buying some merch here and there, is so much easier than running a successful or even a lowkey blog on a (sadly) declining platform. Plus dealing with an influx of fans who don’t care about the lore. Or 1d. It’s just… frustrating when the new kids take their media images as gospel and don’t look into their development as artists and people from the start. No matter how you feel about 1d.

Hell, I find it frustrating. All these new solos who don’t like 1d/don’t care about ot5 make ridiculous claims and start a witch-hunt against the vets (non-larries who are just ot5s/ot4s included). The shit I’ve seen on Twitter in particular is filthy. And a lot of these fans are younger, have a different relationship with social media, and interact in an entirely different way because they haven’t experienced a proper solid fandom and what that means/meant to us (many other fandoms like supernatural, doctor who, Sherlock etc who were also massive on tumblr at the time have dealt with a difference in it too, I’ve noticed). So it’s a lack of fandom dynamic and understanding and experience too (not that this is a bad thing if you’re new to fandoms/the 1d fandom, quite the opposite, you’re always welcome here!!! but an observation of the younger kids who are solos/antis and haven’t been in a fandom before).

That’s not to say that all new fans are of a younger generation, far from it. There are a beautiful amount of larries, one direction, and solo fans who are older and have embraced the fandom life and either support larrie or stay tf out of this shit. And it’s just people leave because they simply are just… growing up. Life gets in the way. Many found it harder to be on a platform where the most influential larry blogs, who have so many receipts and thoughts and theories and stories and followers and love to give, start disappearing. It makes people lose faith.

I cannot express how deep in this fandom was during this time. How incredibly trusting and loving we were of the bigger blogs. How we looked to them as gospel. And it’s bizarre to me now having a lot of followers and getting lovely anons like yourself, because I was the one reaching out to the bigger blogs to talk to and get reassurance and to listen to, back in the day. But the larries who are still here are carrying that torch and we are the ones still fighting, with a beautiful new group of Larries with us.

And don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the Larries who left. It’s tempting at times. It’s easier and it’s just about enjoying the boys and their music for what it is. So don’t feel disheartened. It was a bit of a chain reaction and it comes down to so many variables, but not larry being untrue. People give up. People’s lives get in the way. People remove themselves from hate. People don’t wanna deal with an influx of younger fans (not baby Larries no matter the age, im talking about antis/solos here) who don’t know their lore and come in guns a-blazing, when we’ve watched the boys and larry unfold in real time with our own eyes.

Plus, larries have always (the majority now, too) been the most supportive section of the fandom. Larries are 99% ot5s, or at least ot4s, and with one d going on their “hiatus” and no reunion in sight, it’s super disheartening. Im sure a lot of the other vets can agree with me here. It’s just… not the same as it was (pun intended), but it is what it is (double pun intended).

I think when we start getting larry content again, tumblr and Twitter are gonna go through the roof. A few of the vets who have left, who I still talk to on occasion, are still larries, but aren’t gonna involve themselves again until something larger happens. Until something brings the fire back and makes it (this sounds awful, it’s always worth it) worth fighting again.

Anyway, that’s my take. And the longer larry are forcibly closeted, and the longer 1d distance themselves from each other (which seems to be less in the past two weeks, thank fuck), we aren’t gonna see a resurgence of fans. But I think there will be a lot of big larries coming back and saying “I fucking told you so” when it happens.

Anyway, to actually answer your question because sometimes im just really good at going on long tangents, is that im not 100% sure on the theories you are referring to (I had taken a step back at the time) and would be interested to see, but Harry’s solo career and image can definitely make it look like he used Louis. But we know he’s not that kind of person. His managers are godawful and will do anything it takes to get their cash, and that encourages the idea that he’s baiting (whether it be queer or larrie) fans and dropped louis when he went solo and got bigger. Solo louies HATE Harry so much, and solo harries HATE louies so much, and it’s just… yeah. I have no reason to believe Harry did anything out of line of his own choice, and had been groomed and manipulated by those awful gross dudes, into doing what’s “best for his career” which is unfortunately, squashing 1d.

While I still can’t tell you what I do, I can tell you that Harry’s team are very fucking smart. As awful as they are, as much as they pull out every evil trick in the book, they are excellent at publicity and his managers fight for his worth and get him the best deals possible, and have built his image so differently to what we have known him as. He’s always been incredibly marketable, and they’ve taken that on and exploited it exponentially and made a pretty penny. He’s not a bad guy, he didn’t use Louis, and shit just looks very different to what it did back in the day.

Thanks for reading if you got this far through my ramble! Hahaha