#i mean we ARE clinically insane right like we're seeing things

[jxurnes]

i feel like a trophy wife. penny's doing all the work and im just sitting there. cursebreaker who?

[my-castles-crumbling]

tomorrow - @rosekillermicrofic - word count: 579 - NSFW

Barty was going insane. Like, clinically losing his mind.

He had been doing fine. Wonderfully, actually. Until, almost twenty-four hours ago, Pandora had stopped dead, looked him in the eye, and said simply, "You and Evan will kiss tomorrow."

And when Pandora said shit like that, she was never wrong.

So now he was going crazy. Questioning his every move and thought and emotion. Did he want to kiss Evan? Did he like Evan? Did Evan like him?

Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe it would be some stupid dare or a spell gone wrong.

But as the hours ticked away and no random truth-or-dare games seemed to be staring, Barty's ruminating mind started adjusting to the thought: either he would kiss Evan or Evan would kiss him.

He looked over at his best friend, who was currently studying at a nearby table, contemplating. Admiring his admittedly nice-looking lips. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to kiss him. Nice, even. He thought about it some more. The way it would feel, for Evan's tongue piercing to run over his own lips, the firm metal bar pressing into his skin. The way Evan's hands might grab his arms or waist.

He shivered. No. It was odd to think of his friend this way. He had to get the idea out of his mind.

But Pandora's words didn't leave him and he began to look at Evan again.

He wondered idly, letting his imagination take over, if Evan might press him against a wall. Suck on his neck and bite him with sharp incisors. Then, of course, he would have to return the favor, flipping them around and sucking into Evan's admittedly-delectable looking collarbone. Only because he started it.

But of course, this was all stupid. Right?

He wished it would just happen already. It would probably just be a stupid peck and he was overthinking things. But now he couldn't stop staring at the little curve of Evan's lips, the perfect color of them, wondering what they looked when they were ravaged and kiss-bitten. He was so caught up in the idea that he didn't notice that Evan had noticed him.

"What are you doing?"

He jumped. "Er..."

"Why are you staring?"

How was he to explain? Oh, Dora said we would kiss and now I'm a bit worked up picturing it even though we're both supposed to just be best friends?

He swallowed. But Evan was looking at him strangely. And as he did so, his tongue, with that fucking piercing, poked out of his mouth, licking over his bottom lip.

Barty snapped.

Jumping up, he nearly flung himself on Evan's lap, connecting their lips together in a frenzy, doing his damndest to make the things he'd been picturing become a reality.

Evan, to his utter joy, responded in kind. Gripped his hips and bit his lower lip hard, soothing over throbbing skin and swallowing Barty's moans.

After several minutes, or maybe perhaps hours, Evan pulled back with wide eyes. "Pandora was right," he mumbled, pushing Barty off his lap and dragging him toward the dorms.

It was only later that Pandora, eyes wide and a grin on her face, said happily. "Oh, I didn't actually mean anything by that. I just wanted to see if you would both get your heads out of your arses if I said it."

[boyswanna-be-her]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm recounting all of this kind of mundane shit about BFR for myself because guaranteed I'm going to be trying to understand/recap this narrative while im lonely in colorado. And honestly I know it's gonna be easy for me to forget details and second-guess shit that feels so obvious to me in the moment. So if you don't want a blow by blow of this absolutely PG romantic relationship, just skip this one for now.

Today was really nice and the first day in a little while where I haven't had anything pressing to do. It was pouring at the clinic today--has been all week. Yesterday I sat in my front seat w BFR and we smoked a joint together and made fun of the one wet protester until the rain passed. Great morning.

We had lunch together at one of my favorite taco spots in my old neighborhood, and then we had to walk back to the thai place where we ate dinner the night before bc they'd left their sunglasses behind. We went to a coffee shop for a while where they patiently waited for me to be done with a working meeting on my laptop. Then we took a walk in the park in between rain. It was just seamless, idk. There's no question that we'll go do the next thing together. When the rain wouldn't let up at the park, I suggested we go to one of my fave places in the city, and I drove us to a giant used bookstore that was a few miles away.

I didn't realize until we got there that they'd never been before!! I try to take everyone I can there if they're from out of town, and it is ABSOLUTELY my favorite place to both take a new date and have a special date with an established partner. I don't feel guilty about taking basically everyone I've ever dated there--a good date is a good date. There's a lot of built-in conversation to be had and it's easier than a bar and free to wander around. We accidentally killed an enormous amount of time there, and we shot the shit about 20th century history which is my jam, so amazing to talk abt it w someone who can hang, READS, and doesn't have anything to prove in terms of static knowledge recall.

We hung out for a little while but they had yoga and I wanted to head home so we split up after that and it felt... weird? Like it always feels like there's this last step we are missing to our goodbyes. They forced a hug one time when we were saying goodbye from the clinic, but it was really early on and RIGHT when I was coming to terms with being attracted to them (like second time seeing them after having the realization) which means I was in ultra robot mode, and also assumed it was one-sided and they were just trying to be nice. Like I literally think I did a one arm side hug and they were so dejected they never tried again. Now we're weeks later and it feels weird that we're not kissing goodnight or something.

But I had the evening to myself and finally broke down and talked to someone from my real life about them. He was very affirming that I'm not insane, and just recapping the timeline to someone made it make more sense in my mind. I didn't even have to present half of my evidence for my friend to say yeah, that's going in A Direction. I just second guess it all for a variety of reasons, but for example when I screenshotted a text and sent it as evidence that I feel like they text me like a coworker sometimes, my friend pointed out that nobody in the history of neutral coworkers has ever crafted such a long and careful text. Which. Touche.

This morning we were back out at the clinic bright and early. My friend was supposed to join us but she couldn't at the last minute. Instead she dropped into the chat and asked if someone could fill in for her. If I didn't feel like we were already attracting attention (spoiler: we are), i would've REALLY preferred to jump in and say "noooo worries, no third wheel needed please." But we are getting a little visible. So I didn't. And BFR's friend jumped in to take my friend's place volunteering with us.

I ended up being really happy the friend was there though! The two of us are more like a couple when there IS a third person there, although the vibe can be a lot to navigate sometimes and I often have to shut down and take some time to myself. It wasn't unwelcome to have him there though. It makes the vibe between me & bfr more apparent, pronounced, whatever. We already have such a shorthand in common which 😍 wrow, communication fluency.

I invited his friend to lunch with us, and he accepted, and it was fun--I took them to my favorite Greek place which is legit like three blocks from the clinic.

Friend went on his way, the two of us moved to the next location: their favorite spot to work. I also love this location bc you can watch the afternoon rain and vape furiously on the porch without getting wet. Like I said, today was the first day in a while where neither of us had much to do in the way of work. They have been threatening to inflict their favorite board game on me for a while now, and it finally happened today. I am notoriously uninterested in board games (more like bored games amiright) but the combo of my biggest fan being excited to teach/compliment me on how AMAZING i am at it (rofl lying but ok) and the inherent fun of the game meant that I, uh, had a lot of fun, unfortunately.

We did two REALLY close rounds, and in the second game they almost fully missed a work call they had at 7:00 (I remembered bc i am insane but I also didn't mention it until 6:50 bc I thought maybe they were goofing on me and pretending like they'd lost track of time). Turns out they had been planning on muting and barely looking at the meeting anyway bc they didn't wanna stop playing--which is flattering but I'm also like "[Redacted], i already very much want the best for you, INCLUDING not becoming completely codependent and risking your living bc im so charming and fun" so there was a lot of me pausing the play and asking about the meeting.

By the time that was over, we were already butting up against the time we were supposed to meet their friends to lift tonight. We hadn't eaten dinner but they offered to feed me at their place which was perfect. We went straight back and holy shit their homemade leftovers were delicious.

Their friends came on time to lift and the first thing out of the mouth of the one who knows me better was "you and [redacted] have really been spending a lot of time together huh?" The two of us made eye contact and kinda laughed and BFR said "yep" and both made the 😬 face and the friend wouldn't let it go and repeated "you guys spend all day together now..." and my 😬 face couldn't get any more intense and he said "all day... today..." i said "yep we're pretty codependent." (I'd made the same not-joke yesterday when I was very truly pointing out that I don't remember what to do with my alone time anymore, and they not-jokingly replied "yeah we've ruined each other." Which like. At least we're aware.) Only later did I realize that BFR mustve been talking to the friend about it bc I definitely wasn't and there was no public talk about it in our shared discord so 👀 bitch i see u chatting in private abt me.

Lifting was incredible as always. Their friends who are a decade younger than us and sometimes join us, sometimes don't, really crack me up and I have such a good rapport with one of the guys that I think I lift better with him around (the one who was giving us a hard time tonight). He dishes out the abuse I give him while lifting, which I love. Between him and bfr, I feel like a fucking all-star lifter in that little garage gym. They talk positively about my form when they don't even realize I can hear them. Even so, BFR will not hesitate to call me out when a lift looks bad or I need a cue.

So yeah. It's nice. Hanging out at their place, being fed, getting let in on a LOT more inner details than I got in the first months of knowing them. That's all lovely. I always try to text them and let them know when I've had a lot of fun with them, and that's just basically turned into a nightly check-in. On Sunday, I got a very coworkery (imo) message from them about enjoying our time together, thanking me for my "wonderful company," thanking me for spending so much time together, thanking me for attending so many events with them, and saying that they are "definitely down to keep hanging out in the future." At the time I felt like "that's a weirdly formal way to put all this" but getting home to tonight's much more neurotic message made it make more sense (along w the feedback from a trusted friend who makes good points). Like it was a careful message because they are being exceedingly careful with me. They know some of my more obvious damage (all the psychic sucking chest wounds are hard to ignore after a few weeks of learning about me, and i've been going out of my way to be quite "warts and all" with them). They value our time together A LOT. And the more that I understand our similarities, the more I know that they're also likely really fucking scared to endanger the chemistry of this friendship by introducing ANY other dynamic.

Im finally getting to the end here. Tumblr will probably eat this entry. I'm posting it before a full edit--RIP anyone parsing this.

But the message that I came home to tonight was FINALLY a little more vulnerable, and essentially said that if I want to spend LESS time with them, I'm going to have to tell them that straight up, and that that'll be ok, but if so they need to lnow because this is the amount of time they want to spend with me (all of it), and they don't anticipate that changing.

So! Guess I'll puke and die now! Literally spent five minutes last night considering how I could smuggle them to Colorado with me. Also I haven't had anywhere to put this but since this is an all-bfr all the time blog now, we are going to go on a trip together to chicago in August! There's an actual reason to go other than lovefest vacation (pretty much a work trip for them that I've been asked to tag along for) but as we are actually finalizing the trip plans, it definitely feels more than a little bit like we are going on a lovefest vacation. Which is all the more reason why it would be great to not be hella conspicuous (even though it's a little fun being hella conspicuous).

Like I didn't need another human to come validate my existence, but I *did* need to meet someone who could threaten the idea that I'm ready to die alone. It's nice. It's all nice!! I'm definitely not crying and throwing up!!!

[stormy-talks]

Hello. I am the anon that sent that ask to @/our-queer-experience about otherkin being insane. I was going through the responses and saw your comment, inviting me to ask anything.

I wanted to thank you.

And. Well.

I wanted to ask, why are you all so sure that this is not a mental health condition? Because after seeing the responses from different people, I'm still not at all convinced that you all are not insane.

Someone else answered with their experience and feelings about the topic and asked me to take a moment to consider if I believe that "you all being actually insane would mean that it is alright for me to be mean to you" or something like that and, honestly? No. I do not believe that. I would never be mean to someone for being otherkin, I am not going to argue with you or try to convince you you are human, I know you are not doing anything wrong, you are not putting yourselves nor anyone else in danger, you do you, it doesn't affect me. (but I'm still going to check myself for internalized ableism anyways.)

I sent another ask after that one, I don't know if you saw it, explaining this. The thing is that I don't want to just go on with my life thinking that you all are just clinically ill people. I want to at least try to understand, at least take a moment to ask questions and listen to the answers.

I know that there is a possibility that there is not something wrong with you, maybe it is something wrong with me. And I do not like being wrong. So if that's the case, I need to know so I can fix it. Acknowledging that I am being stupid is the first step to stop being stupid.

Also like I know it is not anybody's job to educate me and it doesn't matter what I think about you and your experiences. I am nobody and you all are still worthy of respect. Me not understanding something doesn't give me the right to be an asshole about it.

I am defending myself too much lmao sorry. This ended up much longer than intended.

I just want you to know that I appreciate you wanting to take the time to answer to me and explain this stuff to me, and that I am not coming from a place of hate and I don't pretend to "win an argument."

Well, anon. If you were concerned it's a mental health condition, I would hope you'd be an advocate for people with such an experience. But, with your use of the word "insane" in conjunction with "mental health condition", then I can only imagine you do not actually choose to be an ally to people with such conditions.

Bigotry in secret is still bigotry. On the outside, you'll be accepting and amicable. But you see us as insane behind anonymity. I also wouldn't call the use of "insane" internalized ableism. You did not internalize that.

There are a number of otherkin experiences ranging from psychological to spiritual to many more. There isn't really one way to explain otherkinity and invalidating one experience invalidates them all. So I won't spare you with "But some of them aren't psychologically otherkin at all! Sometimes it's a spiritual belief!" They're all real and valid experiences.

It's no different than plurality. In fact, it all fall under the same label of alterhuman. Sometimes it's something clinical, sometimes it's something more. We all have varying experiences with our bodies and our minds, and it doesn't always feel right to consider ourselves human. Something else pulls us away from that. There's a nagging feeling that our bodies and minds just aren't suited to the human experience.

Humans are complicated, but we don't always choose to be complicated.

You had the right idea by saying that we're not hurting anyone or putting ourselves in danger. You are so very close to being on the right track. Even if for some reason it's true that we are "clinically ill", how does that change the validity of our experiences? Yes, a number of otherkin are actually otherkin because of delusions, but they are still very much welcome in the community with open arms because they have very real experiences not unlike any other such identity.

Knowing why we're otherkin, not knowing why - it doesn't have any real effect on you. You can go about your day. But for us, we don't get to just stop being us. Instead, we have to fight to explain why being human just doesn't always work. We have to explain an identity not everyone fully understands. We don't know why it happens, but it doesn't hurt us. I think if anything, it helps us better understand ourselves by leaning into it.

[foreverethereal123]

It's @choicesfandomappreciation week. You guys know what that means....

I GET TO RANT🥰🥰 as if I don't do it anyway

It's been a year lmao! Like it's been a FUCKING year but I'll not get too much into that we don't have enough hours for that hahahahfuckmylife BUT what I do want to talk about is how after this fucked up year Tumblr, or more importantly YOU guys helped me make it a little more bearable!!! I know I've been a sucky reader disappearing for weeks on end and giving some people scares that I died! Lol nope still alive 🙂 but the fact that some of you didn't even care whether or not I was still actively reading and made me feel loved turned me into 🥹 I've gotten a LOT closer to some of you in this last year too and for that I am SO thankful!!! I HOPE you guys know that!!!!

Here are some shoutouts before I start to trauma dump publicly and concern people🥰

In no order but only my memory because I'm ✨so good at remembering✨ so if I missed you I'm sorry jdjdjdjdjkdkskdkdjdjdk

@choiceskatie : I'm texting you as I'm writing this because bitch you better come online for this one! Good God I fucking love you! We're fucked up soulmates for LIFE and nothing, I mean absolutely nothing, will ever change that!!! I am not going to be able to write more about how fucking much you mean to me but thank you for being insane (clinically) and whore (lovingly) with me!!🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻

@ao719 : LMAO can you fucking believe what a weirdo I was when I first talked to you Jesus it's a wonder why you didn't block me 💀 BUT HERE WE ARE! I'm still a weirdo and I get to call you one of my closest friends, not just in Tumblr but irl! Dude you're seriously one of the most AMAZING people I've ever met and I don't just say that because of your phenomenal writing I can practically see you squirming so I won't say much now lmao! I love youuuuuu!!!!🌝🦉🦊🌜🌛

@queenrileyrose : RACHEL!! Dude you've been SUCH a support system to me even when I've put you through some...things this year with my breakdowns🥰 You have seen up close what a rollercoaster it's been and you're STILL here and I can't thank you enough for that🥹🥹🥹 I love our ability to ALWAYS be right and rational and practical and I LOVE YOU!!!!🖤💚🖤💚

@burnsoslow : MA'AM YOU WILL FOREVER BE THE ABSOLUTE TALENTED QUEEN OF OUR FANDOM! I said it. It's final. No arguments accepted! Thank you for writing and sharing your stories and being an overall FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC person! I love you!!!💕

@sfb123 : SFB!🥹🥹🥹 You're such an awesome and talented writer I'LL NEVER STOP TELLING YOU THIS!!💕 I love you and Polly SO MUCH and thank freaking you for being my friend and bearing with me even when I'm conspiring against your husband💀!!

@sincerelyella : LITERALLY NO ONE APPRECIATES MY FUNNY ANIMAL REELS LIKE YOU DO!!! NO ONE!! Ahhhh! I miss our shenanigans! I love you so much, my friend!!!🥹💕💕💕

@kat-tia801 : Kat!! I hope you're doing okay 🥹💕💕 I miss reading your stories and seeing your name on my dash hjfkfjdjdjdjdj! You're so freakishly talented dude I just 🙌🏻 lol!

@charlotteg234 : YOU'RE A FF WRITER NOW! AND A DAMN GOOD ONE AT THAT!!!! Dude you're probably one of the funniest and fabulous and fantastic persons I've ever interacted with on or off Tumblr and we're so fucking lucky to have you!!! Love you!🥹🥹💕💕💕💕

A super special shout-out to EVERYONE else!!!! This fandom is a better place with you and your talent and your constant support of writers in it!!!!

I'm tired now, I'll be sleeping...soo....bye...? Is that...is that how I'm supposed to end this? Idk...

[nobodysdaydreams]

Mysterious Benedict Society Liveblog Season 2 Episode 1 A Perilous Journey

Well boys and girls. Here I am again procrastinating (or taking a well deserved break- I suppose it's a matter of interpretation) to hopefully watch a clinically insane man try to hit some children with a golf cart. Yes, I know 2 episodes came out today, but with my schedule being what it is, we're gonna have to do these one at a time and skip the recaps. Alrighty let's go!

4:00- so far so good. Loving the kids in their new homes. Where is my girl Constance though?

5:00- Why the heck does he have a big banner of himself on the side of the building? What happened to being in disgrace and in exile? Now the man is appearing on the news. I thought the point was that they stopped the whisper from making people think he fixed the emergency, now he takes credit anyway? How? Why? What? At this point he's just messing with them.

5:40- oh my gosh he's throwing our girl under the bus, RIP Garrison I hope you come back but this might be it for you. Does this mean Curtain stole her invention and just yeeted her off the boat when SQ's back was turned? We're not even 10 minutes in and I have so many questions.

6:30- Um... what... Is he hypnotizing people with his mind? Does he have psychic powers now? YES BEAT HIM UP CONSTANCE!!! ah dang it. She'll get him eventually.

8:00- Curtain is on the loose, I'd be hung up on the injustice too. Not that scavenger hunting and woodworking doesn't have its place but there is like. A dangerous man at large. He's not exactly hiding. What's stopping you?

9:00- "Are you even invited to speak?" "I'm an esteemed scientist." "It's not an open mic" sljfkdsjfdf- If that isn't me at every academic conference. "Who is mocking me"- oh no poor benedict. PFFFT "Not even a high level conference" I love #2.

10:15- Uh oh they got them. Um... No sure why considering Curtain seems to have gotten away with it and no one on the team besides Benedict is trying to stop Curtain, and people think he's crazy. Why invest resources into kidnapping them?

10:33- AWE MILLIGAN! Kate, come on. He's trying. it's been years, but that wasn't his fault. YES YOU SHOULD GET YOUR OWN BUCKET MILLIGAN. It would be adorable.

12:00- Oh my gosh are we doing the Sticky abandoning his friends plotline AGAIN. We did this. Come on the show does so much right please don't rewind his character development he deserves more.

13:00- Awe Constance being so happy to see Reynie. And yes thank you- did you really never discuss Constance destroying that machine with her mind? You had a year. I get there were other things to figure out but still.

15:00- Ready or not here comes the plot!

16:00- "all our efforts" = yelling into landline phones in different languages. Seriously I have a draft about this, but they have the tech for brain sweeping and mind control, why is everyone (even Curtain) using land lines? If he wants to be famous and powerful, the man could have just made an iphone.

17:25- "maybe down a well. Maybe into a propeller." Geez, Constance has already accepted this. OR AT LEAST FIND THE WELL, yikes.

19:26- Yes back to Curtain's shenanigans. Oh my gosh I love how he planned little snacks for them, just to flex his meal prep skills. And the fact that he knew they would hit that part of the car and made a compartment to open like that- the level of detail this man has gone into for his silly little schemes is quite impressive.

20:20- could be a benefactor, oh boy he is in denial

21:00- There is no system. Yeah, basically my house.

21:30 (about)- Mail delivery, "Just a random example" oh my gosh are Sticky and Reynie about to have it out? Was sticky not getting his letters? So... they're actually ok then and there is no conflict here?

22:30- "not dad roommate". Oh the parallels between Constance and Curtain's lack of vulnerability are coming and I love them. If they give him psychic powers too, it's all really gonna come together. Oh no Milligan, poor guy he's trying so hard. Perhaps he could bond with Kate by providing the backstory of what happened to his wife/Kate's mom (when he remembers it).

26:00- Mr. Benedict would never ask us to desecrate a book- well he literally just did that to put a book inside a book unless he used a fake book.

28:30- Oh hello creepy women staring at the children in a car with no expression. You're unsettling.

29:00- Rhonda and Milligan and Ms. Perumal really should have known better than to leave them alone like that.

29:50- "who knows what danger they could be in" good point Reynie. At this very moment, Curtain might be force feeding them another round of snacks to try to impress his brother with his superior culinary skills.

30:40- Alright! sneaking on the ship. Love the call back to when Constance did that last time.

31:00 - I'm sorry what. What. Why. What. I just want the camera to zoom out and show a employee like "oh my boss is being weird again"... AH YES THERE HE IS!

32:00- At least they gave us a nice breakfast. I KNEW IT. This man may hate you, but he hates you not knowing how good he is at meal prep more, so you know you're gonna eat good. Ah there he is happy as a clam driving his little cart. Yes #2 kill him. Okay Curtain sounds a bit out of it. Is he feeling the effects of Garrison's invention too? He seems less uptight but more unhinged since we last saw him. Which I love.

33:20- this isn't like Reynie. It's just like Kate. Yep, they know their kids. Now go get them!

And that's episode 1 of season 2. I'll post episode 2 later when I get the chance but overall a great start. Still need to know where Martina is. Still need to know where SQ is. STILL NEED JUSTICE FOR MY GIRL GARRISON UNLESS SHE'S BEEN PULLING THE STRINGS THE WHOLE TIME. And also seriously, can we have Benedict met SQ already? Alright, that's it for now.

[hedonicghost]

Oh I'd love to hear more about your among us fictives!

What better way to tell you about us than with some visual aid, right?

So, back home (in our "exomemories" if you want to be clinical) we all were on the same starship, the Icarus. There were, by the time of the rest of us "leaving", 5 others along with us. Piston actually came after Gasket was spaced, but that's details we don't need.

I'll give specific details about each of us under the cut for length reasons. -🍅(Reed)

Cam (Camera) was a technician on board. They were... So insanely suspicious, I'm still surprised they're a human, pfff. They were (are?) romantically involved with Hatch, one of the imposters and Tether's sibling. In the system, they only front if we need help falling asleep (they're obsessed with ASMR videos...? I don't know why)

Gasket was also a technician. They kept mostly under the radar and was very efficient with... Everything they did? Honestly I didn't notice them much, lol. They're an honorary part of the "Killed by Tether" club :P In-system, they don't do well when fronting unless distracted or with our partner, so they mostly just help around the innerworld.

Piston, as I mentioned, came aboard after Gasket was spaced because of Tether. They worked the medbay, but wasn't around for long. They caught Hatch doing something sketch and got them spaced, which got Cam spaced. Because Hatch got spaced, Tether went kinda... Y'know. And got Piston a rank on the "Killed by Tether" club too. In the system, Piston helps the body remain calm in times where medical attention is needed or if we witness something medical/hospital related. It's nice to have, but also literally any time we see even anything remotely medical, they're inches away from the front. -_-

Uh, Reed, that's me. I was the ship's navigator, but I really didn't have to do all that much. Throttle, our pilot, knew where we were going. I mostly just did errands for our captain, Pike, which got me ohhhhh so lovingly referred to as "their lapdog". Which... Honestly was fair. I was kind of a dick back home, but now that I'm not answering to them, I like to think I mellowed out a bit. I'm also a part of the "Killed by Tether" club but we're cool now. I'm not really sure what I do for the system? I've been told I act a lot like the body's "default" so... I guess I have that going for me?

And, Tether. Our "Engineer" and "Part-time 'Chef'". All of those words are things that mean nothing lmao. Tether was (is) an imposter, as I mentioned. They just did what they needed to do. They were (are????) romantically involved with our actual 'chef' Case, who they had confided in about their identity. Tether serves kinda a similar function to me in the system, but they also handle high-anxiety situations. Their anxiety is actually a lot worse than the body's baseline, but we're all viewing it as... If Tether can learn to manage their anxiety while fronting, it'll help the body? I dunno, it makes more sense when it's not written down.

So... Yeah...? That's us I guess. There's 3 other Among Us fictives here, but they're not from our ship and also aren't really active all that much, so...? Eh? If you want some art of our other crewmates, our partner has drawn them a few times. You can find their Among Us tag here.

[livelovelaug-h]

Irreplaceable you pt 1

Sam x reader

Summary- inspired by the movie irreplaceable you. Sickness/cancer and a lot of emotions. Definitely grab a box of tissues.

You: "What if we stayed in bed all day?"

" That sounds like the best day ever. We should stay here all week."

You: "What if we got bored?"

"Us, bored? When have we ever been bored?"

" What if we got hungry? What would we do for food?

Sam: "Well, we could order takeout and have it delivered right there."

"you know dean would come in and make us get up."

Sam laughs "Stop. Stop worrying."

~~~~~~~

Full disclosure:

I didn't have to worry about any of that, because this is where my story ends. So does yours, by the way. So does everyone's.

It's okay. Really.

Most of it I don't miss at all.

One with nature.

Really.

Calm. Peaceful.

But then, there's Sam.

Sam was... is the love of my life.

Sams walking to your grave. You narratoring: " Hi, Sam."

Sam by your grave: "Hi, y/n."

But let's start at the beginning.

~~~~~

Even with being a hunter, you were so excited. You were late for your period, it had been a couple weeks late. Now it felt like you were bloated like maybe a baby bump showing.

"Sam?"

"Hey what's up ?" He answers as you walk into the library.

"I kind of have some good news." Siting down next to him.

"oh yeah what's that ?"

You smile big "well... we need to make a doctors appointment. Because... I think I'm pregnant. I haven't had my period for about two months."

His turn to smile real big "really????" You nod.

"This so great, I'm gonna be a dad.!" He hugs you and kissed your forehead then nose and then lips. "And I'm gonna be a mom."

You set up your doctors appointment for about a week later. You were getting some stomach pains. You got up to throw away your wrapper when:. "ah ouchhh".

'Why does this hurt so much.' you thought.

You were waiting for the doctor to come back and confirm your good news !

There's a big picture of a baby inside of a belly showing the insides and sam says

"that picture makes it look gross and painful."

"that's not helpful!" The doctor comes in:

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

"Um, y/n, I have some difficult news. The blood test shows that you are not pregnant.

Oh. Sam grabs ahold of your hands and squeezes them.

" Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay." It felt like someone just ripped your heart out but you couldn't believe it. Sam started rubbing your arms and hands.

"I guess that's okay. I- I mean, the whole thing was kind of a surprise... Yeah. We probably weren't even ready."

" Right-"

"It-it-it's just.. its weird 'cause, um, I know it's super early but I really feel something there." You say.

"The sonogram shows that you have a mass in your pelvis roughly the size of a tangerine. It can mimic pregnancy."

"A mass?"

"What kind of a mass?" Sam asks. He looked pretty discouraged to.

[Dr. Michaelson] "I don't want you guys to panic, because it couldbe nothing."

There's this moment

when everything changes.

You look back, and there was the moment before.

See that person?

Flashback to a few minutes -

"It's not helpful!"

She's thinking about whether she's hoping for a boy or a girl, and tiny fingers and toes, and then...

[Dr. Michaelson] "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

[you] and now Suddenly...

End of flashback

~~~~~~~~

You and Sam were laying down in bed:

"At least we won't have to pay for college." You say.

"Unless it's a really smart tumor... Too soon?" He says.

You sigh "It's too soon."

"A tangerine is better than an orange." You say.

"Or a grapefruit."

"Right. Or, um... What's bigger than a grapefruit?"

both of you say "A watermelon."

Cas can't heal you because he's human so there is really no other option.

.... At the doctors again .....

Did I say that was the moment?

[Dr. Kessler] "It's two tangerines and a grapefruit."

Correction, this is the moment.

"That's a lot of fruit."

[Dr. Kessler] "Uh, the tests have shown that it is cancer. And I know how hard this must be to hear. It's incredibly rare in someone your age. It's just... It's just terrible luck. Now we can talk aboutoptions whenever you're ready."

"Is there one that doesn't involve dying?" You ask.

[Dr. Kessler] "Uh, I-I've already consulted with a colleague, and after the initialsurgery, there's a clinical trial I'd like to enroll you in"

"You didn't answer my question."

Did he answer my question?

[Dr. Kessler] "We don't like to make predictions. But in addition to your treatment, I want to talk to you about your quality of life. Uh, we can help with pain management and some palliative care. And also some people have found great solace from supportgroups. I know this is a terribleshock, but let's take it one day at a time."

You knew you would go out one day probably hunting, but not like this. Not cancer.

"hello yes I would like to cancel my subscription to you guys."

"oh why is that?"

"I just have cancer now so I figured I wouldn't really be exercising."

"oh that's terrible. Are you sure you want to cancel?"

"yes . ... I am."

~~~~~ later that night ~~~~~~

Sam: "how you feeling?"

"I'm scared."

"It's-It's gonna be okay."

"What if I die?"

"We're gonna fight this, I'll always be there for you"

~~~~

Your laying on the floor because They say after surgery there's gonna be some minor discomfort.

It's Stage IV cancer.

Nothing is minor.

Nothing is comfortable.

Your doctor talking :

"So, let's, um, let's take another look at the proposed model for auto-associative memory and its constituent neural network."

'Or not. Let's not and say we did. Class dismissed.' you think.

you're walking to the other clinic and the guy greets me. "Hey."

"Hi."

"How's it going? I'm Dominic."

"y/n, Nice to meet you."

"I'm gonna be running your treatment suite."

"Treatment suite? "

"Oh, yeah, don't get excited. It doesn't even have four walls. Uh, go ahead and grab a seat right there. For the next time, you're probably gonna want to bring your own pillow in from home. You're also gonna need your cell phone with headphones and grab a magazine. Some of these guys tend to hoard 'em. You're gonna end up reading an old ripped up copy of Duck Enthusiast.

"Oh. It's okay, I don't read Duck Enthusiast. "

"Yeah, well, you will. All right, feet up. " he says.

"Uh, yes, you will feel like shit after this, but it's different for everybody. And no, your hair isn't gonna fall out right away. And besides, it looks like you have plenty of it, so you're doing good. Uh, and if you need snacks, you got to bring them from home."

Great. Just great.

You walk into one of the support groups.

"Hey."

"Come on in. We're just getting started. " the girl says. "Go grab yourself a hook and yarn."

One of the people in the group start saying "have you heard of Catholic yoga? It's a full Latin Mass with vinyasa yoga positions, and I come out... "

"You serious? " someone asks. "yeah!"

"How is Estelle holding up?"

"She's good. There's a new hawk in Central Park. Every morning we go out there and watch the little guy. I hope she keeps up the bird-watching after I'm gone. With whatever new guy she's banging.

[laughs]

"Welcome to group." they all say. "It's the way we roll."

" We have fun. "

"Cool." you say. The end of session finishes up and you start walking away when the guy who was talking about the bird calls to you.:

"The whole point is to mingle. "

"Not feeling up to it. " you say.

"Neither does anybody. That's why we do it. Myron. Multiple myeloma. You've never heard of it? Stay a while. " he says.

"I'm not really a mingler. "

"Not a crocheter either, apparently. "

"Didn't have time for pointless hobbies then, really don't have time for them now, and I'm especially uninterested in discovering that crocheting is a metaphor for healing or whatever."

"What you're feeling is totally normal." Myron says.

"You know, I wish people would stop telling me that totally insane things are normal."

"Have you looked around? "

"But you just accept that? You just accept everything that's going on? You make jokes about your wife having a new boyfriend?"

"I don't accept it, but in the event that I do kick the bucket, I hope she does find a boyfriend. Somebody nice. Less well-endowed to be sure, but nice. "

"Well, I just think I am in a different situation. Sam and I met when we were kids, and then started dating 10 years ago."

"How old is he? "

" Thirty-five."

"Yeah, he's gonna go through a major slut phase."

You laugh.

"I also have Tourette's."

You- "Good to know."

"Yeah. You come back."

"Nice to meet you, Myron."

"Nice to meet you, y/n."

"And thanks for the advice. "

" All right"

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you gonna go through a slut phase?" You ask Sam.

"What? No. Why would you say that?"

"You're not even thinking about it?"

"That's the absolute furthest thing from my mind right now. It's further than like meeting someone on Tinder." You chuckle.

"Okay, but Tinder can't be that far from your mind because you just said it, which means you had to be thinking about it, which means you're thinking about this too."

"Yeah. I'm busted." Sam says.

"I'm serious. Look at you. The puppy-dog eyes.

"What?"

" This is a disaster. "

Sam: "What are you talking about?"

"You don't know. Because you have no experience. Women are gonna eat you alive."

" I can take care of myself."

"I know But what if you can't? Who's going to get you to go to bed and stop researching? Who's going to make you real food?"

"you don't make me real food."

"Yeah, but I would, hypothetically. "

"Well, our hypothetical food has been in the freezer for like a year." You got up and started near the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"Figuring out how to cook a real meal."

"Now?"

"No time like the present."

"How do I cook a chicken?" You say into the phone.

[Siri] Let me think about that.

Okay, I found this on the web for "How do I cook a chicken?"

"It's gonna be amazing."

~~~~~~~~~~

Just 'cause you're dying

doesn't mean your life stops.

Sam has been through so much so maybe if you found him a new girl, he wouldn't think about your passing.

In group support-

"And so, uh, when my numbers came back this time, I just, honestly, I just thought I can't keep fighting."

[Kate] "Jim, you don't have to go there. 'Cause it's all about attitude. "

"Well, let's let Jim have his process."

[Kate] "Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I just think that his process should be more positive. Everyone is entitled to... to be sad."

"Thank you."

"You know what I'm loving these days is meditation. And I... I know it sounds trite, but I just have been feeling so blessed every time I sit there in silence. Maybe you could try that now?

You laugh.

"Or we could laugh."

"That's okay too. "

" Sorry. I'm sorry. Just... Some of these women are so cheesy. "I want to dip you in whipped cream and put my cherry on top." What does that even mean, anatomically speaking?" You ask.

"Using a sundae model as a sexual proposition. It is confusing. I have to s... " Myron says.

"I mean, cherry... cherry's got to be a hymen, right?" You ask.

"Probably a busted hymen." You giggle.

[Kate] "Mm-hmm."

"I... I, um... mine broke on a horse. And me, I was born without one. So... It was my favorite horse, though. " ......

"Okay, uh, that's about it for today. "

~~~~~~~~~~

"Were you sexting just now?" Myron asks while you sitting down looking through tinder.

"Let me have my process." You say.

"Your process is sexting?"

"You're the one who said Sam would go through a slut phase. I thought you were crazy, but then I thought about it more, and he's gonna be a chick magnet. he already is And the worst part is, he's gonna have no idea how to handle it because he's going to be too sad. He hasn't dated to many people in his life. He's gonna be lonely and vulnerable. He already lost his fiance."

"Classic rookie mistake. " Myron states.

"What are you talking about? "

"Thinking you can do something to lessen the loss. There's a word for what you're doing. It's a technical term. You want to know it?"

You: "No, thanks."

"Anticipatory grieving.' Trying to cope with the loss before it happens. So, Meryl over there writes a birthday card to her husband for every year she's gonna be gone, and Jim... makes a video montage of himself as Santa for all the Christmases he's gonna miss with his kids. It doesn't change anything. Look, what do I know? My advice? You're hooking him up, concentrate on a booty. Yours, you know, it's... it's flat."

You laugh "My booty is not flat."

"You have a terrible ass. "

"Fuck you."

"Here, give me that. Oh, you got a match. Sexypants89."

"Okay, let me see that."

~~~~~~~~~~

You started interviewing girls that Sam got a match on from tinder at a coffee shop.

To be continued.