#i mean things are still pretty shit but they were so much worse and harder back then

[moki-dokie]

also i think this just perfectly highlights this sort of specific mentality we see so often when discussing blockades people face in life - but you see it most around discussions about disability.

"Well *I* can do it" and "Just get ___" are two common rhetorics that get lobbed at you all the time.

Like, for one thing we are not talking about individual cases here, but thousands to millions. That you can find a solution yourself does not automatically mean it's a solution for the millions we're talking about. If it was, there wouldn't be a problem to begin with.

And lets be honest, if you're making a meal with TEN servings for $15 or under, it is not going to be a fully nutritional meal. Basically the only meals that can be made at that price are going to be staple grains or beans and MAYBE if you are very lucky, a very small amount of very cheap and low-quality meat. Sure, that's fine occasionally - it isn't detrimentally unhealthy - but it isn't the kind of meal you should be eating every single day for every single meal. Not only does your body require more nutrients than that, but you'll very quickly find how much worse bad, bland food can make your depression and a shitty situation worse.

There was a time when you could make alllll sorts of meals for $15 or less. Pretty healthy meals too! Ones that could last you a few days, even. But that was at a time when cans of tuna were still like 30c and less, when canned veg was like 20c, when eggs were not even a whole dollar for a dozen. i'm very fortunate that where i live is like cattle paradise and thus we have incredibly low-cost beef compared to the rest of the country, but even still it's hard to find your basic chuck roast under $10 now. fucking chicken breasts are hard to find for under $10. CHICKEN!!

and, let us not forget that minimum wage has still not yet raised since 2009. yet our jobs have grown exponentially harder and more stressful, our hours longer, commute times worse, and our general health is in the shitter bc nobody can afford having just a routine primary care physician anymore.

Yet the mentality is still somehow stuck in this early 00s era. That lifestyle is not sustainable anymore. Hasn't been for a long time.

And as for "just get ___" okay, so tell me how? Is someone without an appliance to cook with meant to just starve themselves for a week to save in order to buy said appliance? yes, you would save money if you could get a thing to cook with, but in the meantime you still have to eat. and yet again that doesn't address any other blockade that there may well be. so maybe they get like, a toasteroven and a hot plate. awesome. now what good is that if they come in from a 10 hour shift at 9pm and have only enough time to shower before needing to get to bed for the next day's shift? how does having that appliance help them if they can't physically operate it? how would having a hot plate save any money if their dietary needs are far too costly from a grocer? If they have no place to store cold ingredients?

It isn't about individual issues. It isn't just ONE thing that has caused this big stupid problem. solve one thing and there's seven more problems still blocking the ultimate solution. It's a whole fucking mess of issues that continue to get worse and worse as capitalism continues to suck up more of our lives.

and you know what, i'll be the first one to admit that SOMETIMES, yes, i am just fucking lazy. But most times, I'm faced with like five different blockades and some of them aren't even shit I listed - like sharing a house with three people who work very different shifts and when *I* have time to use the kitchen, I run the risk of waking someone else up. Even if nothing else stood in my way, I only have the ability to cook without disturbing someone 1 day a week. i can only imagine what a nightmare it must be for folks with 4 and 5 housemates on different schedules.

there's been a bit of a Hot Topic going around bsky (and twt too i guess) about why my age group (particularly in the US) doesn't cook at home much anymore

and there's been a whole lot of takes ranging from dogshit to good and intelligent to total confusion from folks in other countries. neat stuff right. decided to throw my 2 cents in from my own perspective as part of the demographic.

the tldr of it being: there are *several* factors that make it not worth it nor cost efficient anymore where it once was. obviously that isn't gonna be the case for everyone, but it is the case for an overwhelming majority, me included. and this isn't even including, you know, a whole population of disabled people who are physically unable to cook for themselves but I sort of figured that was a given. but maybe not, considering...

then this absolute genius comes in

thank you buddy for having no reading comprehension and missing quite literally every single point i made that it isn't strictly about the dollar amount of the meal itself. like. okay??? good for you i guess.

sure, there will be some meals where that is very true. I could make a bigass pot of ham and beans that'll last me a whole week for about $10. hence why i added there will always be some meals cheaper to make at home. but that completely disregards every. other. point.

it is not, and has never been, about the direct cost of the meal itself. that's just one of a handful of reasons that factor into the whole conversation. there are going to be times that eating out will be more expensive price-wise, but when it checks off like 5 different boxes i couldn't fulfill myself for whatever reason, that price balances out. and we really are in an age where we're having to negotiate the worth of every action we take and every minute we spend on something. i don't know why thats such a hard concept for people to grasp.

legit nobody is arguing it *should* be this way. it shouldn't. we all recognize this. in the ideal world it would be both worth it and affordable to make every meal at home and leave eating out for special occasions, as was the case when i was growing up. and i totally get it that our parents, many of whom raised us by their lonesome, managed to do it fine so in theory we should be able to as well. sometimes, yeah, it really is a matter of sucking it up and doing it no matter how exhausted you might be. that's true for all facets of life tbh. but it shouldn't be that way all the time every time.

and, i don't know about the rest of you, but for us? it really was a whole fucking To Do to clip coupons and plan Shopping Day. I'd spend a couple hours clipping from a few different newspapers and the mail fliers we collected. then we organized them by store. then mom would plan out which stores we would go to for which items,the route we'd take since sometimes it meant going outside of town, the timeframe for everything since it was typically an all-day event. like, a whole day of planning and a whole day of executing JUST to grocery shop, and that was back in the 90s/00s. Inconvenient, yes, but still actually worth the trouble. couponing saved SO much money back then, especially if you knew the stores that would double them. coupons like those don't exist anymore. period. now the ones that do are like, pennies off or bogo deals and otherwise it's app this and app that for any sort of savings - which even then might only be like a meager 10% off the purchase. in no way is it worth my time and effort today to do the same thing we did when i was young.

anyway. so yeah. for a hell of a lot of us, sometimes going out to eat or ordering in is in fact the most worthwhile way, and sometimes even the most cost efficient way, to feed ourselves anymore.

[pellucid-constellations]

Lessons in Care

Pairing: Line Cook!Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel loves you so much. Even though you can't cook. You're trying though.

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: A small injury

a/n: Consider this a small gift to make up for me disappearing for a month <3 This is part of the line cook au, but as I've mentioned, nothing is really in order so read however you want :) The rest of this AU can be found in my masterlist right there ⬇ love you <3

Main Masterlist ♡

~~

“Like this?” You shook the pan a little harder, the handle's weight tweaking your wrist at an odd angle. 

“Almost. Try not to hold your elbow so close to your body. It won’t flip right.” 

You pressed your lips together and narrowed your eyes. “This is so hard.” 

“I believe in you,” Azriel teased, an amused upturn of his eyes as he watched you struggle. 

“Why is this pan so heavy? It’s literally like 40 pounds.” 

“It’s cast iron, baby.” 

“That’s stupid.” 

Azriel barked out a laugh, red tinting his cheeks as if he hadn’t expected the sound to leave his lips. Your mouth quirked up in a small smile despite your struggle. You shot your gaze to the side to try and catch the sweet expression that still lingered on Azriel’s face.

“Would you like me to do it?” Azriel posed after clearing his throat. 

“Of course not. I came early so you could teach me.” 

“I could teach you another time. You have class soon.” 

“Why do you want me to fail?” 

“I don’t—” 

“You totally do. You want me unable to cook for myself so I’ll always have to rely on you, and then I’ll never be able to leave you.” 

Azriel laughed again, a quiet, rumbling sound. “You caught me. Now hand that over before you hurt yourself.” 

You groaned and turned slightly to evade your boyfriend’s reach. “Az, I’m serious. Teach me how to flip these stupid eggs right now.” 

“Okay, okay. Just let me help.” 

The feel of Azriel’s hand lightly sliding over yours startled you. You jumped and your fingers twitched, the sudden motion sending the tips of your fingers too far forward until a simmering pain shot through your skin. You flung the pan back on the burner instantly, its contents splattering along the stove and into the open flame. It burned a bright orange and then settled as you held your hand close to your chest. 

You hissed a breath through your teeth and Azriel’s hands were on you. 

“Shit, baby, let me see, yeah?” he stressed, mindlessly turning the burner off without taking his eyes off you. He tugged your hand at your chest with gentle fingers. “Let me see.” 

You released the tight grip on your fingers and rested them in Azriel’s open palm. “I was just surprised. I don’t think it’s that bad.” 

Azriel’s brow furrowed as he examined your burn. He tsked, pulling you gently by your wrist over to the sink. “It’s going to blister.” 

Cool water rushed from the pipes and soothed your skin. Azriel held your wrist in a soft grip and turned your hand slowly, back and forth in a repetitive motion. 

“I don’t think so, Az. It’s not that bad.” 

Azriel shook his head. “That pan was pretty hot—I’d be surprised if it didn’t.” He looked up at you. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

You offered a gentle smile and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “You didn’t scare me.” You raised your brow playfully. “You just made me nervous. A cute guy like you holding my hand—reaching over to help me to cook. Made me all jumpy.” 

Azriel breathed out a disbelieving scoff. “I’ve done far worse than just hold your hand.” 

“Scandalous!” you proclaimed, affronted. “How can you say such things at work, Azriel? You’ll be fired.” 

“I can only hope,” Azriel grumbled. 

Azriel directed you to keep your hand under the water as he dug through a cabinet for the first-aid kit despite your protests. You truly felt that you were fine and didn’t even need a bandaid, but it was easy to forget the multitude of scars that littered Azriel’s hands and how they contrasted with your completely unmarred skin. 

That was purposeful, meaningful—Azriel worked hard so you wouldn't have to. Azriel found peace in keeping you safe and happy. 

So you let him fuss. 

“Okay, let me see again, baby,” Azriel requested, flipping the water off and reaching for your hand. Your skin stung as it met the air beyond the sink, but Azriel’s caring touch was like a balm. 

He dried your fingers with a towel and uncapped a spray bottle, coating your burn with too much of the medication before grabbing a set of gauze and tape. You stared at the materials in exasperation. Azriel didn’t notice the expression and continued to admisinister care as if you’d been in a fire.

“Az, I love you so much, but I don’t need all of that. It’s a small burn. I’ve probably done worse with my curling iron.” 

Your boyfriend only hummed and continued his work. “I don’t want it to scar. It blistered already.” 

“Yes, but—” 

“Almost done.”

You let him work. A few moments of silence passed. Azriel kept his gaze hard and his brow set in a harsh line. 

That wouldn’t do. 

Once your finger was fully wrapped and protected from everything Azriel could fear, you puckered your lips in contemplation and shook your head. 

“Still hurts really bad,” you admitted, leaning back against the counter. Azriel followed your movements, leaving little space between you. 

“What?” he questioned, a tinge of panic in his tone. “That should’ve numbed it. How bad does it hurt?” 

“Really, really bad. Like my whole hand is on fire, actually.”

Azriel—who had yet to release your fingers—stared down at them in startled befuddlement. He turned them one way and then another as if that would answer his questioning gaze, and then looked back up to meet your eyes in a way that was almost pleading. 

“I’m sorry, maybe I should—”

“You have to kiss it,” you revealed, not wanting the sad expression to linger on his face any longer. “Duh.” 

Azriel let out a breath that bordered on relief, but most of it seemed founded in exasperation. He shook his head and brought your fingers up to his lips all the same, smiling to himself as he began to kiss each of your fingertips. Even the ones that clearly weren’t burnt. He flipped your hand over and kissed the knuckles, too, capturing your eyes as he glanced at you from beneath his lashes. 

“‘M sorry you got hurt,” he mumbled with his lips against the back of your hand. “Told you you shouldn’t try cooking, baby.” 

The warm feeling that had begun to seep into your chest paled in comparison to the offended scoff that echoed in the empty kitchen. Azriel’s poorly concealed, devious smile was hidden in the kisses he started pressing into your palm, and although it would have fit the sound you let out, you didn’t pull away. 

“Azriel, you are just asking for me to—” 

“The hell is going on in here?” The kitchen door smacked against the frame as Cassian made his entrance. “Someone get hurt?” 

Azriel dropped your hand just as soon as Cassian had spotted him pressed against you, clearing his throat and turning to the disheveled first-aid kit on the counter. You brought your knuckles up to your mouth to hide your laugh at Azriel’s expense, his face flushing in vulnerability. 

“Oh, I see what was going on. You were romancing your girl, weren’t you, Az? Well, don’t let me interrupt. You came in early and everything,” Cassian teased, his hands raised in surrender. 

“We were just finishing up,” you countered, a laugh trickling through. “I have to get to class, Cass. You can start your shift.” 

“Uh huh,” Cassian smiled, raising his brows and then lowering them when he caught your hand reaching for your backpack. “You okay?” 

“She’s fine,” Azriel interrupted. He took your bag from you and slung it over his shoulder, pressing a nonchalant kiss to your head that you knew was actually not nonchalant. “I’m going to take her to school. Cover for me for 20?” 

“Sure, man.” 

“Az, I was going to take the bus you don’t have to—” 

“C’mon, baby.” 

“But I don’t even have my helmet for your bike.”

“I always bring your helmet.”

[signedkoko]

Mammon and either a Female or GN reader are in a relationship, and Reader has nightmares often.

Normally Reader is good at hiding it from Mammon if he notices something off, shrugging it as them being tired because they love him, but they think he's too greedy to really care about them that deeply- but he DOES care, and he learns about their nightmares one night during a particularly bad one where Reader wakes up screaming.

Mammon does his best to actually comfort them even if he's shit at it/not used to it, asking why Reader never told him about this and they reveal they thought he wouldn't care and the hidden caring side of Mammon comes out?

Pls.

Mammon X GN!Reader [Comfort]

In which you suffer from night terrors, and despite hiding it from Mammon he finds out.

Often times, when one has night terrors they will have a harder time staying still in bed

Though, this can easily be tossed away as someone being a messy sleeper, which is what you always told Mammon when he'd joke about having you web you up to keep you still

And preferably not attacking him in your sleep

He was always lighthearted or dismissive about it, so you assumed you could get away with just that

Even if these nightmares bothered you, and often left you restless, you'd rather that than bother him with something so childish

But sometimes they were way worse than you could have imagined, and on one particular evening you seemed to erupt

A fit of hysterical screaming and crying woke Mammon up before you did, and it took several tries of him trying to shake you awake before your eyes finally opened

" Fuck! D'ya need a hospital or somethin? "

He was probably yelling as loudly as you were, but mostly because he assumed you were shot or something

I mean hey, who wouldn't try to attack one of the sins? He was always worrying your affiliation with him could possibly lead to your death, amongst other things

A quick scan of every single inch of you told him you weren't physically harmed, but the bags under your eyes were getting darker by the days and he couldn't help but prod

" It's nothing, I didn't mean to wake you. "

" Bloody hard to sleep through that! Just tell me what's wrong! "

Mammon never gave a shit about anyone but himself, or that's the impression many get

But you've been a real turning point for him, he almost treats you like an extension of his own being

He is short tempered though, so he pretty much forces you into revealing what's troubling your sleep, and why you've never mentioned it before

Mammon gets very huffy when you say it seems like he doesn't care, but give him a moment and he will start grumbling apologies and trying to say that he does care

" Well, y'know, you're mine n shit. Take care of what's yours, right? Just tell me this shit! "

Closest you'll get to him being sweet

Author's Note - Went for headcanons since it was not specified! Thank you for requesting!!

[humanmorph]

Transcript:

SYLVIA: [...] I just like, have this idea of a conversation like happening between- happening among the crew of like, the original Rapid Evening, like A.O. and Leap and Millie about like, “hey, it’s way harder for them to keep us under control here.”

AUSTIN: (crosstalk) Do this scene.  This should be a scene.

SYLVIA: Yeah?

AUSTIN: Yeah.

SYLVIA: All right.

AUSTIN: Where is it?  What’s going on?

SYLVIA: I wanna say it’s like, cafeteria area, I guess?

AUSTIN: Yeah.  That works.

SYLVIA: Wherever they’re eating.  Um-

KEITH: This is everyone but Clem.

SYLVIA: Pretty much, yeah.  I mean, SI not there either.

KEITH: Okay.

AUSTIN: (crosstalk) Okay, so, so-

SYLVIA: None of the cops in the Rapid Evening are invited.

AUSTIN: Okay.  So A.O., Leap, Millie.  Figure A?

SYLVIA: Figure A can be there if you want.

AUSTIN: (laughing) Yeah, Figure A is there.  Great.

KEITH: Playing three songs at once on a little speaker.

AUSTIN: (crosstalk) Yeah.

SYLVIA: Well, what I- I like them just like- they’re having lunch and like, sorting through shit that Leap got at the raid.

AUSTIN: Oh, that’s really good, I like that, yeah.

SYLVIA: And that’s something that Figure A’s just doing a lot of.

KEITH: Like categorizing things maybe?

SYLVIA: Yeah, but like, they’re sort of like- The rest of them are like, fucking around with it too.  And I think at one point Millie’s just like,

SYLVIA (as Millie): Hey, why do we still listen to Clem?

KEITH (as Leap): We don’t.  I don’t.

SYLVIA (as Millie): Yeah, but like- Okay, you don’t.  Why- Why have we- Okay, better question.  Why does Clem still think she’s in charge?

KEITH (as Leap): Because-

SYLVIA (as Millie): (crosstalk) You know what I mean?

KEITH (as Leap): Pretending to be in charge is the only way to seem like you’re still in charge.

SYLVIA (as Millie): But like, Leap, people are listening to her!

KEITH (as Leap): I know, it’s a tragedy.

SYLVIA (as Millie): So- Okay, let me just like, sort of bridge this gap here that we’re having between our two thoughts.

KEITH (as Leap): Yeah.

SYLVIA (as Millie): What if we put her into prison?  And we were the ones-

KEITH (as Leap): Are you kidding me?  Are you kidding me right now?

SYLVIA (as Millie): No, I’m not kidding you right now.

KEITH (as Leap): Do you- I- ah- Sounds a little familiar!  I think someone maybe had this idea!

SYLVIA (as Millie): (shouting) What! Hey! Okay! Hold on!  Hold on!  Hold on!  Hold on!

AUSTIN: Figure A says,

AUSTIN (as Figure A): I recall seventeen instances where Exeter Leap-

SYLVIA (as Millie): (crosstalk) (shouting) WAY worse timing!

AUSTIN (as Figure A): -suggested that we place Clementine Kesh into a prison or something adjacent to a prison, categorically.

SYLVIA (as Millie): (crosstalk) Okay! Fine!

KEITH (as Leap): Can you play those back?

SYLVIA (as Millie): (crosstalk) Okay, Leap’s always right, everybody loves Leap, I get it.

KEITH (as Leap): We gotta put Clem in jail.

SYLVIA (as Millie): We gotta put Clem in jail!  Also, okay, fucking-

AUSTIN: How’s A.O.?  Is A.O. just watching all this, what’s-

ART (as A.O. Rooke): What’s- What, I thought we were gonna listen to some recordings.

(AUSTIN and SYLVIA laugh)

KEITH (as Leap): Yeah, run through ‘em!

AUSTIN (as Figure A): (as Leap) “Hey, why don’t we just put Clem in jail and take over?  We have all the power here!”

SYLVIA (as Millie): Ehhh.

ART (as A.O. Rooke): Hmm, I don’t think I was there for that one.

AUSTIN (as Figure A): (as Leap) “Small idea, what if we just put Clementine in jail and we took over the palace and had our whole entire situation reversed.  Wouldn’t that be better?”

ART (as A.O. Rooke): Mmm.

KEITH (as Figure A): (as Leap) “I’m over the Clem thing, no offense Clem.  Shouldn’t she be the one in jail?”

(AUSTIN laughs)

SYLVIA: God.

ART (as A.O. Rooke) Yeah, I remember- That one, that was the most recent one.  Why aren’t these in order?

SYLVIA: (crosstalk) At the end of every clip, there’s just Millie going “Ehhhhhh.”

KEITH: (crosstalk) They’re alphabetical.

AUSTIN: (crosstalk) (laughing) They’re in alphabetical order, yeah.

KEITH: Yeah.

ART: Alphabetical by location.

AUSTIN: (laughing) Yes.

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

need to reblog this again with @notlivys’s tags

Wait is that actually Louis in the no such green post ? I never knew that

Oh, yeah. There are a bunch of posts showing his hand in the same position (god forbid I actually tag consistently and could link you). He’s got that really distinctive big knuckle. And I believe the woman’s hand was shown to be Gemma’s, but I can’t remember for sure now.  But yeah… without a doubt it’s Louis. 

[klanceogies]

hi i have klance f1 au brainrot

i can't stop thinking about little story details and backstories like. keith's dad was in f1 before. i feel like he didn't die in an f1 crash. maybe a regular car crash. the irony of this guy who races in incredibly fast speeds to be killed by something so ordinary, in a car, but not an f1 one. and it wasn't even his fault. some drunk driver or something. he didn't die on an f1 car because speed isn't what kills you, it's suddenly stopping that does.

also still talking about keith's background, keith coming from an f1 family background makes so much sense in my mind. him being an orphan would make it basically impossible to sustain himself in such an expensive sport as a kid like that. but since he was already in the scene, and people respected his dad, he had connections and sponsors (not to mention he had always shown that he was a prodigy in the sport so people were willing to bet on him and support him and his career). he met shiro through that environment too.

he also skipped f2 like a lot of really skilled rookies, but he popped into f1 seemingly "out of nowhere" years after a controversy in his f3 days. it goes like this: james, little asshole james coming close second in that season, is a shit person. he is just fucking mean. and keith has been having a shit year. and idk if you're gonna agree with this but hear me out. shiro crashes. like badly. like career-ending crash. he loses his arm and he is in the hospital, and of course he eventually makes a great recovery, but right now no one knows it yet. they just know that at the very least shiro is never going to race again. they don't know how his recovery is gonna go, IF he is going to recover.

keith is alone. since the death of his dad, he is completely alone. so yeah keith starts to lose it a little bit. and this season has been proving harder than expected, james closing the point gap for first place. the media can't stop making up stories about him, shiro was in the hospital, he had a lot issues with his team manageament, which made his season unnecessarily harder. with all of that, keith becomes more reckless. he has nothing to lose--only the championship.

so, a race happens. bad choices are made. of course james provoked him, coming too close, crashing into him races before but not being too penalized for it. saying some very unkind things about keith and his brother, who was still on the hospital. being a little shit overall. so keith closes in on james, a similar situation as hamilton and verstappen in silverstone back in 2021 (as a max girlie this makes me pissed off but oh well). james runs into the wall. thankfully james's injuries weren't very serious, but he got a broken hand which was enough to make him unable to drive until the end of the championship.

now keith was the champion, right? without james on the next races there is no competition anymore. but keith isn't very happy. his impusiveness damaged his car, and at the very least he will get a grid penalty for provoking that accident. well, it is worse. he is black flagged (idk a lot about black flags but like. provoking a crash like that SHOULD prompt a black flag tbh). his engineer tells him he might be suspended for a few races and he LOSES IT. he really needs more mental health help cause he disobeys the black flag and is even more severely penalized. he really is suspended for the next few races, and basically, it screws everything. he finally lost everything he ever had. and maybe, in some twisted way, he felt like he deserved every single part of it. self sabotage and all of that. well, the media goes crazy because everyone thought he would be the next schumacher when he got older. he dips out of the face of the planet. no one thinks this kid will ever race again. "too unstable" some say. "he is just crazy" others mutter. with no one to help him and sponsors dropping him he is now helpless.

that year, lance won the f3 championship. which pretty much sucked. with keith and james out of picture he was the obvious third place. it helps him get promoted to f2. he was doing great already, but he still felt so undeserving. he didn't beat james nor keith. he was just put on that first place podium. he didn't work for it.

after that year lance and keith didn't talk for a while. keith is benched. put out of the spotlights for a while. he does other races, but out of the classic formula path. just because his team hasn't given up on his world champion potential just yet. so they keep him at arm's length, but further from the media than if he was an actual competitor. to the average fan he just disappeared (well, the average fan doesn't even watch f2, much less f3). in the end, his return is even more impactful, memorable.

about 3 years later keith comes back. he first starts as an f1 reserve driver. substituting another driver that year make people actually see him again. how much he has changed. and how much he is still is hungry for speed. hungry for victory.

[cawdra]

Good question, @avvielalame-blog

GATHER 'ROUND, FOR I HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY WEIRD HOSPITAL OPIOID TRIP THAT MADE ME HALLUCINATE NEW GOOD OMENS EPISODES:

Last year I went to the hospital. It was some cyst (idk the medical lingo), and it was painful af. They gave me some sort of strong opioid (again, no idea what the medical lingo is, but I think it was Buprensomethingsomething). Mind you, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I hadn't taken them for almost a week, cuz I couldn't get out of my bed the whole time (before I eventually went to the hospital). I told them I was off that medication, and because the prescription is pretty old, they gave me the painkillers. TURNS OUT THE FUCKING MEDS WERE NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET!!! So uhhh... yeah.

(If you don't know, mixing these two things can be very dangerous because they can raise dopamine levels too high or something, which is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!!! I'm a pretty large person, so this didn't hit me that hard (and also I was off the meds for longer than 24 hours), but if I was slightly less of a fatass and more of a responsible medicine taker, I might have actually been comatosed.)

Anyway, I was riding high that night. I didn't have anything else to do, so after seeing a good omens edit, my first thought was, "That seems gay. I'm in." So I turned on Prime and watched it all in one night. It's not like I was going to sleep in a ward full of screaming people anyway, so might as well make the most of it. The nurses told me to sleep, but I told them I wasn't sleepy, so they just gave me my antibiotics and, whatever else, took my temp and walked out. Did they care about the gay shit I was watching on my phone? No, they've seen worse.

Anyway, I watched the show, ugly cried for like an hour (harder than I did from the cyst that was torturing me for about a week), and then went to sleep at around 2 pm. When I woke up, I, as a responsible queer, decided to rant about it to my friends. After telling them all those things, one of my friends (who actually watched the show with his sister) said, "Are you sure the anesthesia didn't scramble your brain, cuz none of that happened lol."

When I tell you I was DEVISTATED!!! Literally a "You... you serious?" moment. Cried almost as much as I did at the ending.

Also, if you want to know: I had a dream about how the Ineffable Husbands teamed up with some nun (who was as much of a nun as she was a saint - only on a technicality) and they made her carry the Second Coming, which eventually got her kicked off the nunnery of whatever cuz 'These days, if you get pregnant as a nun, you won't be called ‘The Virgin Sarah’ or ‘The Virgin Linda’. You will be called ‘a common whore’. So much for being a virgin.' (Quote from my fanfic (and the weird opioid trip).

I don't know what the rest of the dream was because Mr. Party Pooper (aka my friend JK Juno ily (^з^)-☆) cut me off because I was talking nonsense.

Long story short, the painkillers got out of my system, I took my meds, renewed the prescription, and went on my still-on-going recovery journey.

Did I suffer two heartbreaks in less than 12 hours? Yes. Were they worth it? Eh. I mean, it inspired my fanfic, but wasn't THAT worth it. Did I enjoy my trip? No, I threw up, had diarrhea, and then constipation for two weeks.

I still get an awful surprise when I rewatch Good Omens for a specific scene, only to find out AGAIN that I was just hallucinating.

Moral of the story - don't do drugs and be honest with your doctors and nurses cuz you might actually die.

Anyways, TOODLES!!1!!111!!!

~ CAwdra

[s1lly-gh02tz]

Ok here’s me talking about spamton (my headcanons and shit)

So I do really like the theory where Spamton was thrown into the acid pool. I feel it went down like Spamton didn’t pay rent for a hot minute because of his business completely failing and eventually closing. For this point in time he was just slowly losing grasp of himself. As he kept trying and trying to get that phone call back, ever time there wasn’t a response he would just lose more and more of his sanity. Queen was friends with Spamton so obviously she gave him time. Eventually she got sick of it and lost patience, inevitably throwing him into the acid lake. I think it would be extra sad if it was one of the swatchlings or maybe even Swatch that threw him in so queen won’t get her hands dirty.

Once he went into the lake he tried swimming out but obviously failed. The acid made him really short. He was always pretty short compared to everyone but the Acid really didn’t help. The acid also like melted away his skin, eventually revealing a harder, puppet skin kinda thing if you know what I mean? His mouth sort of got stuck in a nutcracker kinda thing? Like he can’t move his mouth up or down. However he can move like his cheeks and upper lip, allowing him to slightly smile or frown

Like that(it’s shitty cause I’m in the car)

Once he got out of the lake after a while, he crawled out of the castle (it was probably night at the time so he wasn’t caught). He couldn’t walk because he was in a lot of pain. He stayed at a dumpster(obviously) for the night and eventually just decided to stay in them.

Now once he was able to walk and move around again, he started walking around the back streets of Cyber City and just started digging through the trash. Doing this, he found the outfit he wears in game. It was filled with holes so he patched it up with other things he found.

Eventually he snuck back into the mansion somehow, remembering the Neo body. I’m not up to date on the lore for what exactly happened so I don’t have much for this but I have one thing. Spamton found the glasses he wears at Swatches shop or somewhere in the castle. He thought maybe he could try and disguise himself but one he was short and the acid did not help. He did still alter his appearance to look more like swatch to get to the Neo body, which obv failed.

I also really like the idea of him always having that voice thing where he blurts out random advertisements, however it gets worse when he isn’t himself or just not feeling well. When he was with the other Addisons he was very quiet and shy, partly because of this. He used to really hate it and when he became successful he was so scared of messing up on interviews and commercials. The addisons (specifically Pink) would joke about this, which would get under his skin. However (of course I’m putting spamvil in this) Jevil found it kinda cool. He had an interesting way of speaking himself so he found the advertisements kinda cute.

Speaking of Jevil i wanna talk about him too. I picture him and Spamton meeting like this. Spamton takes a drive to just idk get away from stuff and his car breaks down. He does know how to fix it but he doesn’t have the tools on him bc why would he. He’s trying to call someone but the signal sucks because they don’t really use phones there. He’s super frustrated so he just walks away. Jevil just happened to be hanging around doing whatever and he saw Spamton. At first Spamton was like “what the fuck”. He asked if there were any places where he could get his car fixed and Jevil was just like 🤷‍♂️. Spamton was very annoyed and frustrated so Jevil just took him around the kingdom to pass time until the morning. The two became ‘friends’ after this but Spamton def had something for Jevil. When the morning came Spamton was finally able to get a hold of someone and he left the kingdom. However because they’re friends now Jevil and Spamton wrote to eachother to communicate. Once they became closer and Jevil visited Cyber city more and more Jevil got a phone and was able to talk to spamton easier.

Also if you’re curious about what happened between them just check out the Spamvil comic I made🤑.

Now getting to the divorce. All of what I just said happened before Spamton was thrown into the acid. Now because both of them went insane for separate reasons, they probably had a fight caused by that and just decided it would be best to separate. This happened right when Spamton started losing everything after he didn’t get the phone call back.

HOWEVER. they do get back together eventually. I do NOT want spamton or Jevil dying after their boss fights. I made a separate post about this before but after Spamton’s boss fight he lived in the castle with Ralsei and the others. He became really good friends with Ralsei and helped him decorate and paint the rooms. (I’ve said this a million times before but I hc spamton as an artist) Eventually Ralsei found Jevil because he didn’t move in after his boss fight (he was hangin around doing his own thing for a bit). Ralsei didn’t tell Spamton who was moving in so when Spamton had finished his room he was just shocked to see him.

It basically went like this. Spamton was finishing up painting his room and he heard the door open. Ralsei was just showing Jevil his room, unaware the two knew eachother. Both of them were just shocked. Ralsei was confused but Jevil had asked for him to just wait outside for a bit. The two awkwardly talked for a minute. Because they separated at such a strange time and now that they were in better places and not entirely unstable, they missed eachother. They talked it out and set up a time to just work things out.

Eventually they did and then they kissed and all is well🥳🥳

Edit: Here’s some stuff about his time with the Addison bc I forgor :3

While Spamton lived with the Addison he was closest to Blue. He was the nicest to Spamton and helped him as much as he could. Spamton and Pink probably had the worst relationship. Pink was kind of an ass to Spamton just because he knew Spamton was doing anything for his company and was kind of just really bad at his job.

Spamton helped the Addison with things like keeping track of numbers and advertisements. I headcanon that Spamton is really good with math so he can help the Addison’s with numbers stuff. He also draws many advertisements for all of them because he’s an artist.

When Spamton became successful, Pink was the first to ditch him. Then it was yellow. Then orange. But it took a while for Blue. He stuck with him. He was friends with him. But spamton grew greedy and kind of rude. He only ever focused on his business. He never had time for anything else. It was all he ever talked about. Blue cared about him but he couldn’t do it anymore. After a fight, blue ditched him and Spamton officially had no friends. He had Jevil but we all know how that ended up☹️

When Spamton is not entirely insane anymore and after everything happens he meets up with the Addisons again and tries to fix their friendship. Eventually everyone, even Pink, forgives him and they’re all friends now. Spamton still helps them out with advertisements and numbers just like he used to🥳

Okay so that’s basically it!! Really enjoyed writing this and I’ll update is as soon as I come up with something new!!

[mcytshippystuff]

Can I ask how you view Brunim and Forever's relationship since you mentioned it in your last post? You said you viewed it as toxic on both ends and that it messed Forever up, can you go into more detail?

(as always, /rp, not irl) Also go here for more hcs on q!Forever's relationships this ask is referencing!

Okay so!! Like I said before in that posts tags, I dont know a WHOLE lot about the canon relationship between q!Forever and... c!Brunim? q!Brunim? Whatever, I dont know the canon but from what iv seen, in rp its very much not healthy. So I ended up building my own hcs for them and idk how accurate they are canon wise but I still like em regardless so im sticking to em lol!

(Tw for talks of abuse, toxic relationships, and unhealthy relationships!)

So first thing to note; These guys were really fucked up, toxic, and probs abusive in several places. They started out softer, kinder, safer, but it did not stay that way. Still, know that they loved each other regardless.

In my head, Brunim was very much the aggressor, and the one who started being toxic, abusive, and obsessive about Forever, and was worse about it. Forever ended up becoming toxic and doing toxic/shitty/obsessive things in turn as a by product. I wont say Brunim was the only one who had issues and did bad things but Forever only ended up becoming like that becuase Brunim taught him that's how he showed love in their relationship, so he showed it that way back ya know?

But thing is they stopped being happy, stopped awhile ago in fact and realized they couldn't keep doing this to each other, hurting each other, for both their sakes. Its hard to recognize you are doing something wrong, and it was even harder to let go, for real this final time, and only through help did they manage it but they did.

But the thing is, Brunim was Forever's first real relationship, and it had messed him up. Untangling yourself from that sort of thing is fucking hard, knowing where the line is or where something is toxic and unhealthy romantic wise (or even in general) is even harder when its pretty much your only real frame of reference and unlearning all that shit is hard and takes time too.

So when Forever got to the island, while he's made leaps and bounds from where he use to be, enough he can mess around and even joke with someone who reminds him of Brunim without actually having issues with it (at least at first lol), is still in the process of trying to unlearn his more unhealthy behaviors and expectations.

That's where some of his more concerning phrases or claims come from, either not knowing the line as he crosses it due to skewed misconceptions, saying it jokingly becuase he'd never actually go through with it (though probs shouldn't of said it regardless but hey that's coping with trauma for ya), or knowing the line but crossing it anyways on impulse and having to pull back becuase he doesn't mean it/regrets it. He would never on purpose dip back into those toxic behaviors but like I said, still unlearning and understanding those.

Forever would never actually go through with anything toxic, abusive, or unhealthy for the most part on purpose btw, if that wasn't clear.

There is a little bit, like mentioned in the main post, where when he does start to catch feelings it is becuase of him confusing Brunim with Phil, but Forever does beginning to actually fall for him and it takes a bit to fully separate them, and his expectations of it all. But hell he cant stop loving Phil even if he does eventually see Phil will not change his mind about Forever loving him.

But anyhoo enough about the main thing, smaller but still important stuff-

Like I said Brunim was Forever's first real relationship, and they did actually love each other under all the shit it became. Didn't mean any of what happened was okay tho.

Brunim is a vampire, and fed off regularly of Forever. He didn't have issues with it at first but quickly became painful and a bad time.

(tw for scars and a bit of gore) Forever actually has a horrific scar on his neck from the feedings, though its hard to tell if it becuase Brunim would very slightly shift around where he would bite in to feed over time so it became a mass of scar tissue, or if he ripped out a chunk of Forever's flesh for whatever reason. Forever usually keeps it covered but it burns sometimes.

Brunim's way of punishing Forever was usually to lock him up until he behaved again, specially if they were on "break" and Brunim wanted Forever back. Hence why Forever uttered "lock you up until love me." He wasn't serious about it but later feels sick he said it even jokingly.

Forever is surprisingly mentally stable despite all this and has worked hard on his mental health, thanks to therapy. Most of his issues, like I said, come from trying to unlearn all that toxic shit and unhealthy behaviors.

They really miss each other but tbh its more they miss what they had before, as well as the comfort in the not being alone despite the pain. Regardless Forever will never go back to Brunim, even if they both change for the better.

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. IV

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: toxic relationship, abuse, blood, injuries, mentions of crimes, angst

A/N: Maybe it’s a little too much, but I really felt like it, promise the other parts will be more calm and fluffy, still hope you enjoy🥰

It’s been a few days now, and not much has changed. He still wasn’t talking to me about things he should, but I knew it was only a matter of time. But at least we talked a lot, about everything except the important things, but it’s okay. If he wasn’t here we were texting and it made me feel more safe.

I got up late, enjoying my day off, when I got an unexpected call. It was from St. Thomas, one of the hospitals I applied to. They wanted me to come for an interview and I could actually go there the same day, since I wasn’t at work, so I took a quick shower, did my makeup and put a jacket on to cover the tattoos on my arms. At least for the interview. I really wanted to get this job and the phone call was promising. I sat in my car, feeling like I wasn’t there for ages. Sound of the engine starting warmed my heart a little. I was still stressed, but nothing bad can happen, the worst thing is them not hiring me, but that’s not the end of the world. Driving 30 miles and obeying all the rules was pretty boring, so I decided to step on the gas harder. I knew well why I stopped doing that, but still, it can’t get any worse now, can it?

The lady interviewing me was much nicer than I expected and at the end she said I can get started next week. After that she was talking about some papers I’ll need to sign, but I couldn’t focus on that. The only thing in my head was who should I call first. My shitty boss, telling him I won’t stand behind his shitty bar ever again, or Juice. That one won’t be so easy, me moving from Lodi might make our situation worse. Leaving the room and going down the hall I was staring at my phone, wondering what should I tell him first. New job, moving out? I stared at my phone and stopped rapidly before tripping over some man. He stopped too, so I looked at him. Pretty tall, black beard and hair with silver accents, two long scars by his mouth, imitating a wide smile. But that was not what I was looking at, his cutte was hella familiar.

- Holy shit - I said before thinking of anything else

- Hi - he laughed - can I help you?

- Uh-huh. I have a quick question.

- Go on then - his smile was warm

- Is “Redwood Original” the name of your charter? - I pointed at his patch, which I saw way too many times, but on a different guy

- Ya. Why? - I liked his accent

- And what are you doing here?

- What do you mean by “here”? - his laugh was a bit comforting looking at the weirdness of the situation - The hospital?

- No, what are you doing in Charming?

- Well, darlin’ I live here.

- You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!

- I’m actually not, but can you tell me what’s wrong?

- Nothing’s wrong. Could you tell Juice I said hi?

- Juice? - I heard confusion in his voice

- Yeah… - he kinda put me off guard

- Oh no, don’t get me wrong. We just didn’t know he had a lady.

- We’re just friends, nothing serious - I said nervously and he smirked

- Hey, Chibs! - I heard a man yelling from the other side of the hall - No time for chicks now, we have to go.

- Shit, sorry. So what’s your name again?

- Y/n - I realised I didn’t introduce myself - thanks Chibs.

- Anything - he said walking away

Problem solved. I dialled my bosses number when I heard Chibs saying

- Ay, Tiggy. You knew Juice got himself a girl?

- No shit, finally - the other man replied with a laugh

That’s gonna be fun.

My ride back home was way quicker than it should, but I didn’t care, still happy about my new job. I sat at the balcony with my laptop and started to look through the houses for sale in Charming, after a few minutes I heard a motorcycle pulling up. A moment later I heard a familiar knock on my door, so ran there to unlock it. Juice came in without even asking.

- The hell were you doing in Charming? - I flinched at him throwing his hands in the air and saying it a bit louder than necessary

- I got a new job…. - I replied taking a step back

He must’ve seen my reaction and realised it’s because of him, staring at the floor now.

- But why didn’t you tell me you applied to St. Thomas?

- You never asked what places I applied to. Are you mad? - I decided to get more defensive and set my boundaries - I don’t get what your problem is, you never even told me where you live, so what’s this about? Scared your friends are going to meet me now? Don’t worry, it’s already too late and I still never wanted to-

- Hey - he cut me off with a laugh - What are you talking about? That’s great news.

The relief was surely visible on my face because he shortened the distance between us again.

- So you’re not mad I’m moving?

- Mad? - his laugh melted my heart - Why the hell would I be mad? It will be even easier to hit up on you when you’ll be closer. Just watch out for Tig, he might me a little extra sometimes.

My phone started buzzing but I completely ignored it.

- Why would I ever see him again? Y’all live together in a cute little house or you spend so much time at the hospital? - he didn’t say anything about that, just laughed

- You’re not going to answer?

I took the phone out of my pocket and declined the call from Mark.

- Absolutely not.

We decided to order some food and just hang out for a while. Spending time with him was something else, I felt more safe and comfortable than ever, even tho I knew him for only about a month. Although this time was different, Mark tried to call me two times and I declined. He hasn’t reach out for a few days now so it was my chance to finish it, but I couldn’t pick up when Juice was around. He will probably call again. Definitely. I tried to enjoy spending time with Juice but it was hard to focus. For the first time I was relieved when he said he’s got to go. When I closed the door behind him and sat on the couch I looked at the unread messages. “You moved to Lodi? Why didn’t you tell me?” Holy fuck. How can he know that. I stared at the messages when he called, answered immediately.

- Jesus Christ Mark. Can you finally leave me alone? We broke up months ago.

- Not really - he sounded offended - you broke up with me.

- Exactly - I just smiled at how ridiculous was what he just said - and it means we’re not together anymore

- But can we at least talk about it? For the last few months you acted like you forgot about me.

- Maybe because I did - I was confident, trying to let him know it’s really over - that’s what people do after a breakup. Fucking forget about each other, you should do that too.

- Don’t swear princess - he sounded so calm, started to freak me out

- I’m not you damn princess, what the fuck is wrong with you Mark?

- I just want to talk, you live in Lodi, right? - I felt my body tense at his words

- Well, I’m moving soon, but that’s not your business.

- But you’re still in town? I want to talk to you personally. I’ll be there in 5.

This has to be a joke. He can’t come here, he can’t know where I am.

- You’re freaking me out Mark - I said and hung up

I didn’t know what to do and lately when this happened I just texted Juice. But what am I going to tell him now? Hey, can you come save me, I think my crazy ex got my address somehow and is on his way to kill me or sth. He probably isn’t even going to come here. He surely just meant Lodi. I’ll be there in 5. I’ll be in Lodi in 5. Yup, that’s it. I opened the conversation with Juice.

Hey, I know you just left, but could you come by? I want to talk, but don’t worry, you haven’t done anything bad this time:)

I looked at the message. He won’t freak out, nothing’s happening. It sounds cool. I praised myself in my head for not overreacting when I heard knocking on the door. But it wasn’t my favourite knocking. It was more harsh, aggressive.

- Y/n, please, I just want to talk - his voice was nice, welcoming

I walked to the door slowly, thinking what could happen.

- Please, you know I won’t hurt you. Let’s just finish it.

At this point I had no choice. Slowly bringing my hand up I unlocked the door, at the same moment he slammed it open. I felt warm blood dripping from my nose. Meeting with the cool surface of the wall behind me was comforting, trying to get my thoughts together I just stood there for what felt like hours. He grabbed my hand and brought me to sit on the sofa with him.

- Oh baby, look what you made me do - he said while getting a tissue and wiping my nose and mouth, but I slammed his hand away

- What I made you do? Get out of my house and leave me alone - I yelled, but got silent as he slapped me

I wished I told Juice the truth, or at lest called him to actually come here.

- Shh, let me talk - I just nodded - look, we could start again, what do you think?

- I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship, not with you.

- Not with me? - he put his hand on my throat and started squeezing - okay, but we don’t have to do it now, huh? - I felt my eyes watering - I can give you some time, just don’t treat me like air.

- Mark, you’re hurting me - I whispered underneath my breath

- Oh right - he pulled his hand back - sorry, love.

My phone started buzzing on the table, I tried to get it but just felt a hard punch on my ribs causing me to wrap my hands around my body.

- Who’s Juice? - he asked

- Just a friend, we work together - I forced a smile to calm him down

- Just a friend? - another punch - just a friend? - he yelled punching me again

- Yes - I said confidently

- Then why would you try to answer so fast? - another punch

I have to change my strategy before I cough my lungs out.

- I just wanted to mute, so no one will bother us.

- Oh, I’m sorry baby, you know I’m nervous sometimes.

- I know, it’s all right - I smiled, blood filling my mouth again

- So can we start again? You know I’m not like this. I have a hotel here, I’m staying for a while.

- That sounds good, but I need some rest now. You can call me tomorrow, how about that? We’ll figure something out.

He pulled me in and kissed my forehead. I felt tingling in my fingers, realising he was holding my wrists so tight I felt blood leaving my hands.

- I missed you. Glad you’re okay, I was afraid you’ll push me away again. I should go now - I felt the pressure around my wrists loosen - I’m so grateful I found you.

- How did you know where I live? - I asked before realising it will only make him stay longer

- Emily told me she talked to you before you moved.

Oh sure, fucking slut.

- I’ll go now, please don’t make me do things like that again. We’ll talk different tomorrow.

- Okay, see you then - I forced a smile and waited for him to leave so I can close the door

I sat on the couch and tried to settle my breath. While putting my fingers to my pulsing temple I felt it’s also wet and sticky. And how the fuck did that happen? I looked at my fingers covered in blood and just wished he’d really leave me alone today. I walked up to the sink to wash my hands and face, looked at the mirror. Bruises covering my neck and wrists, tried to take off my shirt to look at my ribs but couldn’t put my hands high enough so I just sat on the couch glad that it’s over and I’m all right. I remembered the times when he suddenly started being aggressive towards me and after that acted like nothing happened. That’s why I left him, that’s one of the reasons why I left LA. Focusing on what just happend I forgot about texting Juice, but when I heard knocking on my door my heart dropped.

- Y/n. Open the door please!

His scream made me shiver but I walked to the door opening it slowly. He bursted in and walked past me.

- Please don’t do that again, you can’t text me such shit and then just not answer my messages and calls, I was-

He got silent immediately when he looked at my face. Wandering around with his eyes he saw the tissues covered in blood on the coffee table.

- What the hell happened here?

I couldn’t answer, just fell into his arms feeling tears dripping on my cheeks. He gently walked me to the couch and sat close enough to wrap his hands around me in a comforting hug. He didn’t say anything, just hold me close stroking my arm lightly, waiting for me to calm down. When I started breathing normally I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, but immediately turned my head away when I felt my eyes watering again.

- Can you tell me what happened now?

- You want to hear the whole story or just todays one?

- Do we have time for the longer one? - he smiled gently encouraging me to speak

I told him everything about Mark. Starting at how we met during a race, our stormy relationship, his sudden change of attitude and finally about the breakup he couldn’t accept. Then I started about what happened today, but felt like I forgot half of it.

- So at least I was right about the toxic ex - he tried to sound funny but I heard his voice shaking - Why didn’t you tell me? Jesus, I should know, all the missed calls and messages, you flinched when I raised my voice. I should ask you about it, it’s obvious you won’t tell me.

- God, stop. Are you blaming yourself?

- Maybe a little. You should go with me, we have a doctor at the clubhouse, she should see this.

- I don’t need a doctor Juice.

He put his hand on my side which made me bring my knees up and hold them close to my chest.

- This looks like you need to see a doctor. Your nose is also not looking good.

- I don’t think it’s broken.

- Maybe it’s not, but Tara will do something about it. Let me help you, please - he sounded desperate at this point

- Okay, I’ll go.

- Then go and pack, I’ll help you but first I have to call Jax.

- Pack?

- You don’t think you’re staying here, do you?

I knew I couldn’t stay here but I was planning on getting a hotel room near Charming before I could find a house.

- I’m not homeless, I don’t need a shelter.

He just smiled at me and called Jax, I got up slowly and went to my bedroom to get the most important stuff. Juice joined me a few minutes later.

- Tara finishes her shift in about an hour, then she can come and see you, we’ll wait for her - I rolled my eyes - unless you want to go to a hospital?

- And what will I tell them?

- That you were attacked by a clowder of cats?

When we packed all the things I might need in the next few days I realised I’m still covered in blood in some places, it dried up making me feel pretty uncomfortable.

- I think I need to take a shower before we go - I said stroking my hair

- Really? - he put his face in his hands in an act of disbelief

- Really. I won’t go anywhere like that.

- As you wish princess, I’ll wait.

- Yeah, great. Can you help me with my shirt?

- You can’t put your hands up and still tried to refuse seeing a doctor?

- I just. I don’t want to go to your clubhouse okay, definitely not looking like that.

- We’re used to it, don’t worry.

- Used to bringing beat up hoes by another members? - I didn’t actually know why I reacted like that

I was really grateful Juice wanted to help me, I guess it was just my reaction about being so stressed lately. I automatically regretted saying that, waiting for him to take up the argument, but instead he came closer and lightly grabbed my hands.

- Y/n - he started softly - you’re not a hoe, nobody thinks you are. You shouldn’t think about yourself like that either. I know you’re stressed, but you know I just want to help.

- I know, I’m sorry…

- Don’t be sorry, just let me do what’s best for you now.

When I took a shower Juice helped me with my bags and we were ready to go. He stopped at the door and turned to me.

- Can we take your car? I’m not sure bike is a good option for our trip - he smiled

- Sure - I tossed him the keys - but you drive.

We walked out and I leaded him to my car, before he put the bags in the trunk he stopped and looked at it for a moment.

- A fucking challenger? You really were playing Fast and Furious back there.

I just laughed and got in the passenger sit, realising I’ve never sat here.

- I never let anyone drive it, it’s like my child, so you better be careful - I sent him a warning smile - you should feel honoured.

- Well, I am. Don’t worry, I won’t be speeding.

- Oh don’t be ridiculous, that’s what this car was made for. Just don’t hit any pedestrians or worse, a curb - I sent him a death stare and he just laughed before turning on the engine

- Wow - his smile was beautiful, especially when he was sitting here

I started getting more nervous as we entered Charming. Handling one biker was enough for me and meeting an entire charter sounded even worse. I met one, basically two of them and they seem nice, but I don’t think that’s really how they are. We pulled up in the parking lot around midnight. Juice helped me get my bag and we headed to the clubhouse. Silently I wished it’ll be empty since it was that late, but I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t crowded, but when we entered, the hot smell of alcohol and cigarettes hit me as if I walked to a crowded bar in a big city. Everybody got quiet and all eyes were on me. Chibs stood up and walked to me, patting my shoulder lightly.

- Hello sweetie. I believe you looked better last time I saw you.

- Oh thanks, nice to see you too, now shove off - I said before thinking about it

At least I didn’t say fuck off.

- I knew you were a good one when I first met you - he laughed and went back to the couch

I looked around and saw that they’re not staring at me now, when I walked through the room everyone greeted me, like they actually were friendly. Juice told me to sit next to Chibs since I already knew him and he went to get Jax.

- Oh hello - said the man with curly hair I saw at the hospital - I’m Tig.

- I remembered that - I smiled lightly - I’m y/n.

- Well, so you’re Juice’s girl, huh?

- Okay, I don’t know what he told you, but we’re just friends - I was pretty annoyed by hearing it again, not knowing what Juice was saying about me

- Actually he told us nothing about you. We tried asking him but he only said that you’re from Lodi, nothing more. But now - his blue eyes wandered around my face and body, tracing all the visible bruises - what happened?

- Just a few scratches, Juice insisted that I should see a doctor so here I am, waiting for Tara.

- But who did it?

- Thanks for your worries Tig, but that’s not important.

- I’ll get you a beer, huh? - he smiled and walked up to the bar

Actually a beer is a good idea.

- Listen - I turned to Chibs immediately when I heard his voice - I know you’re not comfortable here and you don’t want to talk about it, but we need to know who did that. You’re a friend to a club now, we’ll help you.

- Juice helped me already - I shrugged my shoulders

- So you’re sure that this person won’t find you here?

- Uh, well - but I never finished

Juice came in with Jax and gave me a hand to help me get up.

- Jesus Christ… - Jax gently wrapped his hands around me as a welcome - Are you allright? Tara will be here soon, she’ll take care of you.

- I’m sorry Jax, I didn’t want to come here in her free time. I’m really grateful she’ll come.

- That’s not a problem.

- Now - Juice looked more serious then ever - can you give me your phone?

- My phone? Why do you need it?

- I need to make sure he won’t bother you again, your phone can help me find him. And don’t say you don’t want me to do that, I’ll find him either way, we can’t risk him coming back.

I didn’t know what to say, I never thought this could happen. Juice bringing me here should keep me safe.

- I’ll come with you - said a long haired man sitting at the table besides us, he greeted me with the warmest smile saying his name’s Bobby

- I’ll go too - said Chibs standing up slowly

- Count me in - Jax nodded looking at me

- If you have so many volunteers - Tig came back with our beers - I’ll stay here, keep an eye on the girls.

- Okay, so we’re all set - Jax smiled at me again - Tara will be here any minute, then we can go.

I sat on the couch, glued to Juice’s side when they were talking about some random shit, I couldn’t focus on the conversation thinking about what was going to happen. When all of them got in an argument about Tig’s hair I felt Juice’s eyes landing on me. Bringing my head up I looked at him and he put his hand on my cheek sending me a warming smile.

- Are you going to kill him? - I asked seriously, keeping my eyes on his

- We’ll do what’s necessary - he kissed my forehead

- Don’t do this - I shyly tried to push him away

- And why is that? - I looked around the room - I told you they don’t give a fuck.

And they actually didn’t. No one was even looking at us. I took a sip of my beer realising it’s almost empty.

- Another one? - Juice asked and I just nodded

When he left I looked around the room again, how can they all be so calm? My eyes stopped at a woman coming through the door. She also saw me, gave me a welcoming smile and came up to me.

- And you must be y/n. I’m Tara, nice to meet you. Let’s go clean you up.

She leaded me to a smaller room and closed the door. I looked around at the wooden table and chairs around it. Tara encouraged me to sit down and opened her bag, starting to clean the cuts on my face.

- I’m sorry you had to come here, I really wanted to do this myself but Juice got stubborn.

- Don’t worry, I help the club when I can, wanna tell me what happened?

I couldn’t say anything because the door opened and Jax came in saying that they’re ready to go. He gave Tara a kiss and told her to take care of me, after that he was gone and we stayed alone again.

- So? - she continued - it doesn’t look like a little fight with a friend.

She seemed so peaceful that I decided to shorten the story for her. She looked at me from time to time but never interrupted. When I finished she stopped for a moment and looked me in the eyes.

- I know what you’re going through, trust me. The guys will take care of him and you’ll be safe, it’ll be okay. Let them do what they have to, before it’s too late.

I didn’t know what to say, just kept looking at the door not wanting to catch her sight again.

- Good news, your nose is not broken, but it may bleed from time to time. And about your wrists-

- Oh, probably nothing happened, I’ve actually had problems with my wrists for a few years now.

- Yeah, I can see that, you should think about a surgery. None of your ribs are broken too, but it looks bad, so I’ll come again and see what’s going on in a few days. For now you’re okay - she smiled while packing her bag - I’m really sorry, wanted to stay with you but our babysitter called and I need to go home.

- Oh sure, you should be home right after you finished work. Thank you again for all you did for me, I really appreciate that.

She smiled and opened the door for me. I instantly came to sit with Tig since he was the only one here I “knew”.

- You look better now, hope you also feel that way - he handed me a beer

- Do you drink here all day long or is today any special?

- There are no limits about drinking here, don’t worry.

He was actually nice and pretty funny. All of them were, maybe it’s not going to be as bad as I thought. We talked for about 40 minutes before they came back and I actually enjoyed our conversation. I felt pretty safe here. That’s weird. When boys came through the door I felt shivers on my body. Knives and guns at their belts, bruises and scratches everywhere, they just looked scary.

- It’s all done, you don’t have to worry about him anymore - Jax said with a smile - but I think you should stay here, at least ‘till tomorrow.

- He’s right, come on - Juice got my bag and gave me his hand

I followed him through the hall and entered his room. It was much cleaner than I thought and kinda cozy. If you can say a room at a clubhouse is cozy. I went through my bag to find a T-shirt and matching shorts to sleep in. Juice helped me with a shirt and put my bag back on the floor.

- I’m going to take a shower now, you can change here. The covers are clean, don’t worry - he laughed as he closed the bathroom door behind him

I changed my jeans to shorts and crawled under the covers. The bed was much more comfortable that it looked, but maybe it was just because I was really tired. I tried not to drift away waiting for Juice to come back. When he finally opened the door quietly and made sure I’m not asleep he sat down next to me and grabbed my hand.

- You’re safe here y/n, everything will be fine. Aren’t you hungry?

- I don’t know.

- How can you don’t know? - he laughed softly

- I mean, I probably won’t eat anything, you know.

- Are you sure? I can get you something.

- I’m good - I felt my eyes closing

- Okay, so goodnight - I felt him getting up and opened my eyes again

- Are you not going to stay with me? - he froze

- Do you want me to stay?

- Well… - he raised his eyebrow - yeah, okay. I want you to stay.

He said nothing and laid down next to me, but still keeping some distance, so I decided to shorten it. Rested my head on his arm and smiled when he kissed my forehead again. That felt nice, I love feeling his body next to mine. He gently traced all my face features with his fingers, not leaving any detail, while I slowly fell asleep feeling his hot breath in my hair.

[snoople-boop]

Fandom Oneshots: Stuck In A Castle? Stick With Me (Sonelise)

"Sonic" Elise said as he looked at her "what's it like going on adventures?" "Heh, it's pretty cool" Sonic said with his usual smile. "I get to run across different worlds, fight a bunch of bad guys, save the day, the usual stuff."

"That sounds amazing!... I do wish there were times I wasn't stuck here" Sonic chuckled and looked at Elise, his smile turning a bit more empathetic. "Yeah, I can imagine it can get pretty lonely stuck here all the time. It must be a bit boring sometimes, huh?" "What are your adventures like?" Sonic leaned back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, contemplating for a moment. "Well, they're usually pretty crazy. Sometimes, there's robots trying to take over the world, other times there's evil magic, or I run into some giant monster trying to destroy everything. It's never really boring, that's for sure." "Let's see..." Sonic started to count on his fingers, listing off the various things he's done. "There's robots, chaos monsters, evil wizards, mad scientists, aliens on a regular basis... oh, and I guess there were a couple of god-beings that I fought too."

"YOU FOUGHT GODS!" Sonic chuckled at Elise's surprised reaction. "Yeah, I did. They didn't really give me much of a choice in the matter. They just kind of showed up and started destroying things. It was a hassle, that's for sure" "that sounds really cool... I wish I did cool stuff like you"

Sonic looked at Elise with a warm smile. "Hey, that's not true. You do cool stuff all the time! You're a princess, you've got magic, and you saved the world once too, remember?" "Yeah you're right" Sonic chuckled again and gave Elise a playful nudge. "Of course I'm right. Besides, sometimes I wonder if your job is harder than mine. Sitting around a castle all day doesn't sound too exciting."

"It's not! sometimes it's kind of boring" "thought so" Sonic smirked and leaned back again, putting his hands behind his head. "Don't get me wrong, being a hero is pretty cool and all, but having to save the world all the time can get a bit tiring. Sounds like you have your fair share of boredom too though, huh?" "It could be worse" Sonic said "Eggman could've taken over Soleanna and raised the rent"

*****

The Eggman Enterprise was flying through Soleanna then Eggman turned on a speaker "I'm going to- I'm going to destroy all of Soleanna! I'm destroying it. And it'll be nothing- It- It- like- you know what? Actually, I'm going to do something worse! I'm going to become the landlord of Soleanna! Like a real villain!"

Everyone started to panic as Eggman started to laugh "for my first act. Rent is going up a diabolical five percent!!" Then Eggman started to laugh more

"Oh, we were gonna put it up by ten" Elise said as her maids and secretary slowly looked at her like she lost her mind "Wh- what the fuck?! Oh my god! That shits "evil" evil" it echoed everywhere "I take everything back, you look ugly as hell. Your hair looks like dried KFC, I'm leaving" then Eggman left Soleanna

****

Sonic chuckled at the memory, shaking his head. "Yeah, that whole incident was a real headache. I mean, can you imagine Eggman trying to be a landlord? He's too much of a troublemaker, he would've messed up the whole city with his evil taxes and fees". The thought suddenly made them both start laughing harder. "Oh man, just imagining Egghead in a suit, handing out eviction notices and raising everyone's rent, it's hilarious," Sonic managed to say between laughs. "And can you imagine him trying to collect rent? Like, he'd probably start sending out his Badniks to chase after people who don't pay up on time," Elise added, still laughing

The laughter eventually died down, and Sonic took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "Okay, okay, we need to reign it in a bit before we burst a lung. That was pretty funny, though." Elise nodded, wiping away tears from laughing so hard. "Yeah, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks, Sonic. You always know how to cheer me up."

"You know, you can come on one of my adventures if you want to?" Sonic said, Elise looked surprised for a moment, then a smile slowly crept across her face. "Wait, really? You'd take me on one of your adventures? I don't know... are you sure I won't be a burden or anything?" Sonic chuckled and shook his head. "Of course you won't be a burden. I mean, sure, you may not be as fast or as strong as me, but you have your own skills and talents. And honestly, sometimes it gets a bit lonely adventuring by myself. It'd be nice to have some company for a change." Elise considered Sonic's words for a moment, her expression turning thoughtful. "I guess that does sound kind of fun... but what about my duties as princess? I can't just up and leave whenever I want, you know" Sonic shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, from what I've seen, you're pretty good at delegating stuff to your maids and advisors. I'm sure they can handle a few tasks while you're gone for a bit. Besides, I'm sure your kingdom can survive without its princess for a little while, right?"

Elise let out a small sigh, realizing that Sonic had a point. "Well, I suppose they could handle things while I'm gone... and it has been a while since I got away from the castle for a bit. But what about you? Are you sure you wouldn't mind having me tagging along?" Sonic grinned at her. "Are you kidding? I'd be thrilled to have you tagging along. We can have all kinds of adventures together, fighting bad guys, exploring new worlds, and who knows what else. It'll be great!" Elise couldn't help but match Sonic's grin with a smile of her own. "Well, I guess it does sound kind of exciting when you put it that way... and I have always wanted to see what your adventures are like. Okay, I'm in. When do we start?" Sonic's smile widened at her answer. "That's the spirit! As for when we start, how about tomorrow? I could come by in the morning and we'll head off on our adventure. Sound good?" Elise nodded, feeling a sense of excitement and anticipation building up inside her. "Yeah, that sounds perfect. I'll clear my schedule and make sure everything is taken care of here. You can expect me to be ready to go by tomorrow morning."

Sonic gave her a kiss and hopped off the balcony "see ya princess", Elise felt her heart skip a bit as Sonic kissed her and hopped off the balcony. She leaned against the Railing and watched as he ran off into the distance. "See you tomorrow," she called out, a small smile playing on her lips. "Be safe out there, okay?" Sonic then gave her a thumbs up and boosted off

[whatwewishwesaidandothersecrets]

Tw sa

I wish I could've stopped it; I wish I would have just walked away some days (those days I forget how difficult it was). I want to talk about it, but I definitely know I never want anyone to look at me knowing what I went through. I was sexually assaulted for 3 years, almost every day we were in high school (Covid time saved me, ig).

I wonder why anyone would do this to someone over and over again and then pretend it never happened. I was groped and touched, a cat called, and so much more.("luckily it was only girls" was what someone said after I told them).

How could I ever tell my mom or dad that I was bullied in such a way? I want to, but I still never want them to know how horrible it actually was.

First of all, because I know chances are no one's said it to you: I am so so sorry. For what happened, for the fact you went through that. I'm sorry it hurt. I'm sorry it changed you.

It was not your fault. Let that sink in for a moment.

It was not your fault.

Read it again. And again. Read it until you believe it because I promise you with every ounce of my being it's true. It was not your fault. And you didn't deserve it.

No one blames you for not walking away; I certainly don't. What I went through (though nothing in comparison) nearly killed me, coming to terms with that, and the fact that 'if I just fought harder, or said something more than no'... But the fact is that's bullshit. The body has 3 survival instincts: fight, flight, or freeze. You can't help what your body chose for you. It was just trying to survive. And sometimes fight or flight aren't options. Sometimes running or fighting would make it worse. It's harsh, but it happens. Your reaction is valid. You are valid. And just cause you didn't manage to stop it, doesn't mean you deserved it, or it wasn't that bad. It's still abuse. And you didn't deserve it.

I know this account is supposed to be anti-violence, but whoever told you "lucky it was only girls" needs a solid kick in the teeth for that. That's bullshit. Abuse isn't less abusive because of gender. The damage doesn't hurt less because it was a girl inflicting it. I want you to know that's bullshit, and just as horrendous as if a guy did it.

As for telling your parents... you don't have to tell them. But if you want to, you can just tell them that you were severely bullied in school. Take out the word severe if it's too much. You can say you were abused, or anything you want. You don't need to say who, or what or how long. But you can let them know that high school was pretty shit for you, and then go from there with what you're comfortable with.

Last thing I want to say: I am proud of you. You survived. And I don't care what you had to do to stay alive, (and even if you didn't want to, or plan to) you did it and I'm proud of you. You have to realize that living through that means you're brave. Means you're strong. A soldier and a survivor. And that's something to be proud of.

[fanfic-for-multifandoms]

Then Strangers Again. (Jake Kiszka)

Wordcount: 1,264

Warnings: angst, alcohol, mentions of anxiety, mentions of breakups.

5 Years Before

We saw it coming a mile away. I mean, how much can two people take before things finally crumble? Between the constant touring and your being so tired from your job, the only thing you wanted to do when you got back was going to sleep. It was hard to make time to talk to one another, and now it seems like the past few months are getting worse and worse. A relationship can't survive on just "good morning" and "good night" texts, no matter how much you both hoped it would. Jake had been on tour for over six months, and in that time you hadn't seen each other in person at all.

You had face-timed only a handful of times and texted each other often, but it most certainly wasn't enough to keep this relationship going. You guys have been together for almost five years now; maybe the relationship has run its course and you are not meant to be together forever like you thought, or maybe he met someone else while they were gone and that's why you haven't talked much. Whatever the reason, it is time for things to end, no matter how much you didn't want it. He isn't making you happy anymore, and you can't keep going in a relationship you aren't happy in.

You wanted to wait to tell him you wanted to break up until after he was back, but this had already gone on too long, and you didn't want to keep dragging it out. You knew neither of you was happy, so you decided to call him, hoping he wouldn't answer before you could finish your thought. He picked up "Hey, babe." "Hey." You tried not to sound too freaked out, but with your anxiety going a thousand miles a minute, it was kind of hard, and he asked the question you hoped he wouldn't ask: "What's wrong?" "Yeah, there's something I need to talk to you about"; "Yeah, I've been meaning to tell you something, you can go first"; shit what could he say? "So, I think it's pretty clear that we haven't gotten to talk much these last few months, and I guess that's partly my fault, but I can't keep doing it, and I don't feel happy in this relationship." "I know you are out doing something you love, but I don't think I can keep going in this relationship with little to no communication. And I know it's not your fault, so I don't blame you, but it is hard on me, and I really don't think I can keep going like this." Why isn't he saying anything?

"I'm sorry," You say you're trying to get him to say something, anything, even a "fuck you," just something like "Jake." "I'm sorry I couldn't be a better boyfriend to you." "Jake, you didn't do anything; I swear, we have two very different lives that don't mesh well." Your voice starts to crack, and tears begin to fall. "What was it you needed to say?" "It's no longer important," you say. "Jake, don't do that." "Don't do what." He snapped at you in a way you weren't expecting but didn't get mad about; you were both going through the emotions of all this, and he was letting them out: "I'm sorry"; "Don't apologize; I shouldn't have yelled," "I'm sorry." You sat in silence for a few seconds before he finally spoke again: "So this is it, huh?" "Yeah, I'm sorry." Tears begin to fall again, harder than you want them to, but you stay quiet. "I hope we meet in another life." "Yeah, goodbye, Jake."

You hang up the phone before he can say anything, not because you wanted to have the last word but because if you had heard his voice again you would have broken down on the phone. You put your phone down beside your bed and lay down, tears flowing freely, even though you were the one to end things, it still hurt so bad. The good thing is that you never moved in together, so while you still had constant reminders of him, at least you wouldn't have to discuss who would be moving out. Now, laying in bed, you think of all the memories you've made with him over the years and all the ones you didn't have the chance to make.

Present  Time

You're sitting in a bar in Florida. You had moved here a couple of years ago for your job and were still trying out different bars in the area, you had a couple of friends from work with you at this point in the night, you were not drunk but still a little tipsy at some point the conversation turned to music and someone mentioned Greta Van Fleet. While most people would have moved on after five years and forgotten their ex, you had technically "moved on" it's kind of hard to forget someone when they're a big rockstar touring the world and performing with a big band like Metallica while the rest of them are talking about the band and their music, you stay quiet, you see a group of people walk in and in the middle of that group you see Jake you, you had known that they were in Florida for a show since some of your friends had asked you to go to a big band like Metallica. You had known that they were there since some of your friends had asked you to go to a show, which you had politely declined, but you had never expected them to be here.

  So now you are sitting in the same bar your ex just walked in. It's not exactly the best situation, and to make it even worse, your friends see them and want to get a picture with them and drag you along. You try to stay behind your friends as they talk to the boys and ask for a picture. You all get into your poses, and you hear a voice behind you say, "Have we met before?" It's Jake; he looks different; he's grown a mustache and cut his hair; he doesn't recognize you. You have changed some in the time you haven't been with him. You wore different clothing; the way you wore your makeup has changed; and even the way you carried yourself was a bit different than it was five years ago. Maybe this was a good thing. You wouldn't have any awkward conversations with him. But it still kind of hurt. You gave five years of your life to him, only for him to never remember you. The little voice of your anxiety tells you it's all your fault and you could have had a good thing with him if you weren't a baby about everything.

Maybe the voice is right. Maybe you should have stayed and stuck it out a little longer, but you can't change the past no matter how many nights you lay awake hoping you could. Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason isn't what you want. "I don't think so," you reply, hoping it gets dropped it. "Huh, you look oddly familiar," you only reply with a laugh and begin to walk away. "Another life," you whisper to yourself, only loud enough for you to hear. It's funny how life works. You meet someone, and "one date" turns into another and another, and soon enough, you've been dating for five years. Then, as soon as it started, it ends, and you are strangers again.

 A/N: Thank you to those who read this. I would definitely appreciate feedback. You can request a fic of any of the Greta Van Fleet boys if you want and I will have a who I write for/ fandom list up soon 

[being-so-normal-about-reploids]

Rambling about an OC under here lol plus maybe vague and not terribly important first-chapter-ish spoilers for the still unnamed sequel to >E.04642-SYS: Failure to compile. (but I mean if you liked Valentina I guess it could be interesting because that's who I'm gonna ramble about)

So there's a TON more Valentina in the sequel and she's an absolute delight to write, which like. Maybe that's blowing my own horn a little bit but whatever. I'm allowed.

The thing about her as a character and also in-world as a reploid is that she's very easy to not take seriously. She was created as a sex worker. She likes being a sex worker, at least when she has autonomy about it, and that makes her kind of bizarrely human-adjacent and even gross to most reploids. And it's not subtle, it's not something she can just hide, because she's physically constructed in a very different way to the rest of them. She doesn't even have the goofy feet (which actually means that she's got a very good balance system, since she can't make up for it by just having a large footprint like a lot of reploid designs do. She also uses it for dance). Humans look at her and see a thing made for their entertainment or abuse, reploids look at her and see something even worse. If she's not gross, she's pitiful, but either way, ew, she's not really One Of Them. She's kind of alien to both groups.

And yet she's emotionally intelligent in a way that most reploids are not, because she's got a lot of life experiences that are specifically with both humans and reploids and not in a work capacity. She's the kind of person who hangs out with the freaks and weirdos. She's dated both humans and reploids, sometimes at the same time, in a lot of different capacities. She's been homeless longer than a lot of the others and she's known a lot more people of all stripes so she's got a lot of street smarts that reploids in general never develop. Valentina is actually ridiculously capable and resilient!

But that tends to go unnoticed because she was designed to be a manic pixie dream girl that you could rent for a few hours. And she doesn't even deny or dislike that. That's part of her and she's into radical self-acceptance, so she doesn't even see it as "yeah I'm a sex worker but you should still value me because I'm a person underneath that." She sees it as "yeah I'm a sex worker AND you should still value me because you should value everyone no matter what they do with their body" and that's a much harder sell.

X sometimes even trips on this despite his best efforts because he's just not had to ever consider how to treat somebody like Valentina before recently. She's not a combat unit, she's ridiculously good at what she does, but what she does is all soft skills that he's never learned to value. He does figure it out, and they actually become good friends, but it takes a lot of conscious work on his part and in the wrong mood if he's feeling antisocial (aka something's triggered his PTSD that he definitely has but doesn't know what to call) he'll still slip into 'ugh why are you bothering me with your frivolous shit' mode unless he calls himself out on it.

But the thing that Valentina talks about in >E.04642-SYS: Failure to compile. (while she spooks X pretty hard lol), where she says that they aren't that different, is pretty accurate actually, and X comes to realize that months later because he's slow and has the emotional IQ of a doorknob, while Valentine's kind of a prodigy for a reploid. They were both pushed into doing what they hated with skills that they had originally enjoyed having and it really fucked with both of their senses of self and ability to relate to anyone else (and resulted in a trail of corpses, whoops). She's got a huge head start on processing it though.

The thing about Valentina that X appreciates absolutely the most though is that she does see where they're similar and treats him like a regular person about it. He's not a poor little broken baby or inspiration porn or anything. He's just a guy who's Been Through It, like just about everyone else she's known. She's actually pretty comfortable to talk to as a result because she's a good listener and gives him a fair amount of insight, and she turns into probably X's third closest friend, which is a tight race with Glitch and Mack (X would never even try to put them in any kind of order either). I've really enjoyed watching that develop more in the sequel. She's got a pretty big role!

Anyway I love Valentina. Absolutely simping for my own OCs today and nobody can stop me.

[just-jess-78]

I finally looked the girl up today. It was so much harder than I expected because she was nothing like I expected her to be.

I expected her to be young and blonde and bubbly and beautiful.

She’s my age so still older than him. She’s skinny but not the kind that makes you miss your pre kid body. She had weight loss surgery ten years ago and is an avid gym goer. She’s definitely earned her skinny. She’s a golfer. She honestly seems like a decent person. Their personalities make sense together. I don’t mean this with any kind of anything in my heart but I didn’t know how it would fuck me up to see that I’m actually prettier than her or just as pretty (I don’t mean that though she’s plain af) and I say that because then I started to spiral and think holy shit…all this time he made me feel like I was ugly and gross and I thought it was because he wasn’t attracted to me physically but what if it’s because I’m ugly inside. And that hurt me worse than anything has ever hurt me. I started to feel crazy like did I not try enough was I not affectionate enough. Should I have tried to go do shit with him that he wanted to do even though we never did anything I ever wanted to do. He never even listened to the stuff I was interested in. Was it as bad as I remember it or am I fucking crazy.

Then I remembered that when things were good and everything was perfect and I was in a good mood things were (seemed) really good. The ONLY times he’s ever EVER been cruel to me were the times when I needed him. When my aunt died he wouldn’t even hug me and I remember knowing that was fucked up and being too ashamed to tell anyone. I tried to talk to him about it and he said he “didn’t like being told what to do?”

I broke my arm skiing one year on vacation with friends and he was mad at me about something dumb that I can’t even remember now and he drove so crazy on the way to the ER because he was still mad and then wouldn’t carry my purse in for me. He put his cap over his eyes and never looked at me the entire time. It was so bad that one of the nurses pulled me aside and asked if he had done it to me.

So even though the good times outweighed the bad, the bad times were so hurtful that I never could get over them. And we certainly couldn’t talk about it because then the fight was really on because he’s “sorry he can’t do anything right” 🙄

Idk. Maybe the truth is just the fucking truth. They’re compatible. We were not. Romantically or sexually. If so then I’m honestly happy for him. And I mean that with everything in me because I get it. I’m so excited to fall in love again someday and do it right this time. I love love and I love that he feels that because it’s probably his first time. I always knew he didn’t love me that way because I know what that feels like and it was never what we had. For a minute it made me sad that he had to be so shitty to me because I would absolutely love to be able to tell him that I hope that’s his forever and I hope she fills the voids for him that I couldn’t or didn’t want to.

The part that hurts the worst is knowing that he would never ever have loved me enough to let me go gracefully if the script was flipped.

I didn’t love him like you should love your husband because no matter how hard I tried I never could respect him as my husband because he wasn’t a leader to me. There was nothing I could respect about him as my husband. He provided financially but he never protected me he never made sure I didn’t have to pump my own gas. He never let me pick one fucking movie. He only got me off 13 times in 15 fucking years.

But I did love him like you love your best friend. I took care of him and I took care of his heart. I wish I didn’t feel so stupid for doing it for so long.

[dumb-fuck27]

I’ve been quiet due to a dnd campaign I’ve been playing and holy shit has it been hectic. The DM has apparently found ways to make the quest exceptionally harder and dose it in the most perfect way possible. Are we fighting harder monster? No no no no, something much more terrifying… ourselves. Like clones? No like we turned against each other and not in the fun way I’ll give you an example.

While we were in a cave just murdering goblins we came across a random NPC which we ended up saving and our dumb ass rouge (not me) decided to pickpocket him only to find out he was a she. She ended catching him (once again not me) called him a molester (pretty rude honestly) and beat the shit out of him. The next morning I was trying to get information out of her, why she was dressed like that, why she was in the middle of the forest, in a cave full of goblins and for some reason not shooting out goblins baby’s and looks in pristine condition for being in a goblin cave, in the middle of the forest, far away from civilization. It was too difficult so I asked her what her name was and where she’s from to see if we can get her back. For some reason she refused to go back and doesn’t want to tell us why. So what do I do in that situation? I hog tie here and loot her seeing what I can find on her, turns out not only is she a missing princess but a missing princess of the king were meant to kill and that complicates things. So I explained to the rest of the party and why i believe we should throw her bs k in that fucking cave and the rest of the party thinks I’m an ass hole for even thinking that. So we start to get our things together and our orc buddy notices one of his shoe laces are missing and everyone looks at me. Why? Maybe because I’m the fucking rouge. So I’m like “what you looking at me for I haven’t still anything yet” so they all decided to search me and didn’t find the shoe lace until they look at the hog tied princess and realize that’s the shoe lace. So now they’re yelling at me and I’m sitting there like “why the fuck was it in my inventory” Necromancer: “because you stole it!” Me: “I didn’t steal it!” Cleric: “then why was in your inventory!?” Me: “I DONT KNOW!” Orc: “because you fucking still it. We get our shit together literally and figuratively, tie the princess up with something else and we keep moving. We get to a town and it’s packed. We have enough money for provisions for our party but because we have another person we have to find work so we go to the only place we know, the quest board. As half of us are buying provisions and the other half looking for work, the people who are looking at the board notice a flyer about a kidnapped princess and the kidnappers faces are on the paper. Me being the thieving mother fucker I am I use the sewer tunnels to get word that now we’re being hunted because they think we kidnapped her. We buy our food and book it the fuck out of there. To put in perspective you’ll get out alive after you rob a  castle and kill a few guards and alive doesn’t mean with every appendage. you get accused of kidnapping a princess? The entire map will be after your ass and there is no explaining why you have her hence why no one dose princess saving missions. Too dangerous to get to her and even worse to get her back alive. Anyway now the entire party is like “fuck if the news made it all the way out here, there is no town or village we can go to” so now I’m having to teach the entire party “thieves cant” solution to hidden doors to thieves hideaways and testing them how to pickpocket and this is going on for like two months in game and in those two months we have accused everyone in the party for stealing from each other at least three time after every rest. The orc is like “there is something going on here that is not making sense. There is no way we’re sleep walking into someone else’s tents and unconsciously stealing from them” so I’m sitting there I go “fuck let me use a perception check” and the DM raises his eyebrows and says “go for it” even though I get a natural 20 which them put it at a 32 we figure out that we have been being followed by assassins and they have been slightly inconveniencing us so much that we wanted to kill each other so they could get at the princess. We now know what’s happening and know there still with us but we have no idea where from so so gather our shit a start running.