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ravysu · 4 years ago

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Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

#sannin week 2021 #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #sannin #naruto #naruto headcanons

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platonicavengers · 4 years ago

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headcanons for being the youngest maximoff (part two)

pairings: maximoff twins x sibling!gn!reader && avengers x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers for infinity war + endgame, death, non-descriptive violence, idk

author’s note: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO COME OUT AAAAAAAA it was supposed to be up a while ago but things got in the way and im so sorry :(

tags: @madamevirgo @euphoniumpets

headcanons under the cut !

after steve broke everyone out of the raft you were all on the run for a while

vision and natasha joined you all at some point, and scott and clint returned home to their families

after a while wanda and vision decided to stay in scotland, leaving you with sam, nat, and steve

you were not a huge fan of the idea of leaving her behind

you had already lost your parents and pietro and even though she wasn’t dead you still wouldn’t be able to see her

but you knew why she did what she did

fast forward a little bit

you find out that tony went missing

and then that wanda and vision are being attacked

so u all fly to scotland to help them

*insert u being a badass and beating the shit out of an alien*

finally reuniting w your sister

there were tears

when you arrived back at the compound it was like a breath of fresh air after so long

it’s a shame you weren’t there under better circumstances

immediately getting upset when you saw the hologram of ross

that motherfucker

anyways

going to wakanda was an.... interesting experience

you wanted to enjoy it

but considering why you were there,,,,,,

it was kinda hard to enjoy it lol

wanda ofc stayed up in the lab with vision and shuri

she wanted you to stay up there as well so she could keep an eye on you

she was very hesitant to let you go into the front lines of the battle

even though you were an adult now you were still her little sibling and she was worried for you

you assured her that you would be fine though

fine might be pushing it but

let’s be realistic here

you kicked some alien ass down there

taking out enemy after enemy with no hesitation

pretty impressive tbh. ur fucking awesome

ily

anyways

eventually wanda came down to join the battle

the two of you fought alongside each other

badass sibling duo ugh yes

but then

you had to go against thanos himself

ugly ass mf

you tried to use your magic to remove his gauntlet

you were unsuccessful

he kinda tossed you to the side like a rag doll

which hurt like a bitch

when he snapped you had no idea what tf to do

i mean you had just lost, what were you supposed to do?

you were in the middle of crawling over to wanda, wanting to try to comfort her over the loss of vision

but then she just kinda, disintegrated?

you were in shock for a minute

but then it hit you

“no, no, no, no, no...”

you started sobbing

now you had officially lost your whole family

after a little bit you made your way over to what was left of the team

you all kinda stood in silence for a little while, just processing everything that had happened

eventually you all returned to the quinjet and flew back home

for the first two-ish weeks after the snap you just locked yourself in your room and refused to leave

though eventually you did leave your room again, though very reluctantly

after three weeks had passed by carol, who you were quite fascinated by, returned to the compound carrying a spaceship with her

turns out tony was on said ship

you were glad to see him after so long

and now we jump to going to space to beat thanos’ ass (a g a i n)

you had never been to space before so it was quite a new experience

shame it was under such poor circumstances

when you arrived at thanos’ residence you were out for blood

he took your last remaining family and you were not in the mood to let him get away with it

and then you found out the stones were gone

and everything he had done couldn’t or so you thought be reversed

you were already ready to kill thanos before, but especially now that that was revealed

sadly though, thor took the responsibility of killing the titan himself

*5 years later*

you were 23 now

a whole ass adult

you still lived at the compound with natasha, not exactly having anywhere else to go

not like you would’ve left anyways but

nat had become your sort of support system over the last few years

after all, at this point you really only had each other

all of the rest of the remaining team went their separate ways, none of which deciding to stay with the two of you

one day though steve comes by

you were glad to see him, you had missed him a lot since he left

the three of you had a not-so-positive conversation and then out of nowhere scott appears at the front gate

he tells you his insane idea of using the quantum realm to time travel back to before thanos

you were very wary

you didn’t exactly have a lot of knowledge on the quantum realm but you could still tell that it seemed risky

the four of you went to tony’s house to try to convince him

he almost immediately said no

yikes

you all tried to convince him but to no avail

so you went to bruce hulk instead

bruce?? hulk?? who tf is he tbh

but anywho

when you saw him you were kinda like ????????

but chose to ignore it

you got him to agree to the time travel thing

and it was ?somewhat? successful

somewhat is pushing it tbh

scott became a baby which wasn’t great

but then tony showed up and fixed it like the genius he is

you helped recruit all the remaining avengers to help w the whole time travel thing

you were going to go back in time and get the stones before thanos could

you went with clint and natasha to vormir

you thought it made the most sense for you to sacrifice yourself

after all you weren’t even positive this whole thing with the stones would work, and you couldn’t risk continuing to live a life without wanda and the rest of the team

they stopped you before you could jump though

when natasha dropped you swore your heart stopped beating

she had been all you had for the past 5 years and then she was just gone

you ended up getting the soul stone but at what cost

you and clint returned to the compound and there was a small ‘memorial’ (for lack of a better word) for natasha

after that tony put all of the stones together into a makeshift gauntlet

after a little bit of deliberation it was decided that bruce would be the one to snap his fingers

bruce, hulk, whatever tf

brulk

LMFAO

sorry back to the headcanons LOL

he snapped

immediately everything felt different

you went out to look out a window, seeing a few butterflies fluttering around that you knew weren’t there before

a smile immediately took over ur face

“hey guys, i think it worked!” - you

you were about to turn around and walk back to everyone else

but then

you saw a large ship in the distance

and something began flying toward the compound

and then everything went dark

when you woke up again you were buried under a bunch of rubble

which bruce picked up off of you

you ran out to where thor, tony, and steve were

you saw thanos and froze

they were engaged in a battle and you tried to keep your distance in order to collect yourself for a moment

which proved to be futile because you were dragged into the fight not long after

you kinda got your ass handed to you

it wasn’t pretty

you were lying on the ground when all of a sudden you saw orange light surrounding you

you looked up to see portals opening, all your allies who you had thought to be dead stepping out

you saw wanda and you stopped breathing for a moment

you got up as quick as you could

which proved to be difficult due to ur injuries and overall extreme fatigue

you launched yourself at her, bringing her into the tightest hug you could muster

the two of you held onto each other for a moment before you had to return to fighting

maximoff sibling teamup part 2???? yeah most definitely

fast forward to after thanos and his bitch ass army lost (im sorry i just really dont have the energy to write all that rn)

and to after tony’s funeral

you and wanda had a l o t of catching up to do

5 years worth LOL

u had to comfort her over vision’s death a lot

considering that to her, that was still only a couple days ago

and a lot of the time when you two talked the mood was kinda depressing, all things considered

but you still tried to keep it lighthearted

for example

your absolute favorite thing in the world was the fact that you were now older than her due to the snap, 3 years older to be exact

you held it over her all the time, constantly making fun of her for it

all in good fun of course

something wanda really loved was when you would tell her stories from when she was in the soul world (only happy ones ofc)

though it made her sad that you had to go so long without her, and she missed out on so much

she wanted to know what she had missed

all in all

you two were incredibly close, the snap and its aftermath only further confirming that

sibling goals tbh

a/n #2: aaaaaa im sorry to end it on that note (i didnt know how to end it im sorry asf) but yeah </3 and once again, so sorry this took me so long to post, ive been super busy with school && life in general so i just havent gotten around to it :( butttttttttttt if u guys want i could try to continue this series of headcanons for wandavision?? i’d wait until friday ofc for the final episode and id spoiler tag it and everything but i could try my best? might be kinda difficult but i think it could be fun so if anyone wants that then lmk!! :)

#avengers x reader #platonic avengers #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #avengers x platonic!reader #mcu #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #my writing #wanda maximoff x reader

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hellerism · 4 years ago

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I want an essay on #12)

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick

*puts on my english major hat* im about to put more effort into this than anything ive ever written for college. ok top 10 supernatural symbolism...this isnt in any particular order its just whatever i think of first. also it might not be actual top 10 im just remembering random shit. this has gotten out of hand so im putting it under a read more

1. the most obvious one, the impala. many have discussed this before me and im probably just repeating what others have said, but the impala is an extension of deans body/a representation and mirror of both his physical and mental state. obviously the impala gets destroyed in the season 1 finale when dean is dying. and he rebuilds it in season 2, while he is trying to regroup and rebuild from the death of his father. ive seen a post about how dean losing it and smashing the impala is a metaphorical form of self-harm which is :(( also, the impala staying covered and hidden away while dean is living with lisa and ben with this reading is so interesting. i do think dean loved the idea of a normal life with lisa and ben more than the reality (not that i dont think he loved them! any scene with dean and ben makes me soft). but this also makes it that much sadder because supernatural considers dean unable to live a life that doesnt involve hunting; the impala is hidden and dean is a shell of his real self. in season 7, they once again have to hide the impala away and use other cars. the impala is gone and hidden away; something is wrong. dean is hurting. he isnt his full self. why? whats missing during that time? cas. and in season 10, when dean is a demon, he stops caring for the impala. you know, because something is wrong with him. because hes a demon.

2. dean knocking over and breaking the angel statue in the beautiful room. he makes it fall with a single touch, hardly a push. and all it took cas was a single touch for him to fall and break. dean, of course, doesnt mean to shatter cas, though he does mean to make him fall. dean repeatedly argues with cas, acting as the human opposite to cas’ emotionless faith in heaven, pushing him toward the edge, pushing him to rebel, pushing him to choose humanity. and it works; cas learns to love through dean, and through that he rebels against heaven and falls in “every way imaginable.” and when he hits the ground, he breaks, shattering all his faith in god and everything, leading into the godstiel arc as he tries to put his pieces back together.

3. the streetlight as a halo over cas’ head in on the head of a pin. it flickers when anna appears, which is physically meant to show her power. however, it also shows cas’ wavering faith in heaven. interesting how anna, the angel who chose humanity over heaven and decided to fall, is the one making cas’ halo flicker. he is beginning to question things. he is beginning to feel. he is beginning to fall.

4. deans leather jacket in the first few seasons. its not actually dean’s, of course. it belonged to john. dean picks it up and puts it on while he and sam are searching for him, physically shouldering the weight of johns expectations of him. its too big on him. and dean is 26 at that point. hes well past done growing; he’ll never fit perfectly into that jacket. no matter what he does, he’ll never fit perfectly into johns expectations: the perfect son, the perfect soldier. and leather jackets are heavy even if they fit well. there is a physical weight on his shoulders now, a manifestation of the weight of the world and the weight of being a parent for his younger brother and everything john has piled onto dean since he was a child. he eventually stops wearing it (bc some absolute legend stole it irl), and i wish they’d taken that as an opportunity to have dean grow out of the shadow of his father, but supernatural is a bad show so they didnt.

5. mary, who just happens to be named after the mother of jesus. the perfect wife, the loving mother, the tragic figure, the victim, clad in white, the color of innocence. except shes not. she was raised a hunter. shes lived the bloody dark side of the world hidden from most. she loved her children, but she wasnt a perfect wife and mother. she didnt know how to cook. she and john fought, and he even moved out for a few days, and she needed her four-year-old son to comfort her. she is not the virginal mother; shes an imperfect person just trying to do her best. the dabb-era deconstruction of the very concept of mary makes me crazyyyyyyy if you couldnt tell.

6. these shots from 9.14 captives

in the first shot, we have a statue of cupid over cas’ left shoulder and a cross over his right. and in the second shot, there is a bible on the right side of the table, and nothing on the left. and cas turns to the left. he turns away from god, continuously choosing to turn away from stability and what he always knew in favor of love and humanity. there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing certain in cas’ future with humanity, but he chooses them anyway. plus, cas inventing free will by falling in love with dean retroactively makes this shot that much better; there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing written for him. cas falling in love with dean created an empty space in gods story. this show is pure fucking insanity oh my god.

7. serafina the angel (the pantheistic view in that episode makes me crazy but we wont get into that). serafina, whose name is audibly similar to seraph, the class of angel that cas is. coincidentally, the only seraphim we see in the show are cas, who falls in love with dean, and akobel, who married lily sunder. serafina, who fell in love with adam, the literal progenitor of humanity. and who is the character in supernatural that has always stood for humanity as a whole? dean. serafina literally had me convinced that deancas would happen in the finale.

8. the removal of -iel from cas’ name. dear god this one drives me crazy and i doubt it was on purpose. castiel, the shield of god. for eons he existed as a warrior and tool of god. and then along comes dean winchester, who does a very human thing. he gives him a nickname. cas. he removes the “of god” part. he removes god from cas, because dean doesnt value him for being a good soldier or a good son. he values him simply because hes cas. and cas questions everything, his loyalty to heaven, his blind faith that god would one day return. he is no longer a warrior of god. he is simply cas, the shield, and this time he chooses to be a shield for humanity, for the winchesters, for dean. for the michael sword. the shield protects the sword. cas dies shielding dean. this got off topic but its just sooo insane.

9. this shit from 2.13 houses of the holy. i know it was an unplanned coincidence but jesus christ.

10. ...lamp. i know i know but it still boggles my mind. the completely out of place tap dance that they had to spend time and money on to train two actors who had never tap danced before. the lamp being a source of light. divine light. cas. the whole thing being set to the song lets misbehave. WHY LAMP.

#this took me over an hour #are some of these a stretch? maybe. but what is literary analysis other than stretching media way past what the author intended?#ask

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myherogroundzero · 5 years ago

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happier (dabi x reader)

A/N: this is like OOC but for a reason! it’s like, he wouldnt be OOC with other characters but you grew up with him so it was different, dont question it. i worksd really hard on this and im proud of it. i hope you all enjoy and YES i am all for that Touya/Dabi theory. it makes perfect sense (edit: i literally forgot to mention that i totally changed his backstory LMAO but i felt like this fit my story better sorry 🥺)

word count: 1.8k

warnings: i mean, heated kissing? angst, parental abuse (verbal, but not really mentioned)

•••••

you held onto his hands, dancing around the playground while your parents fought and his mom just watched. that’s what the two of you did every time your parents argued the way they did. he helped you escape from the hatred you listened to everyday so you could feel that glimmer of hope that they always tried to take from you.

“feeling better, y/n?” his voice was kind and soft and his smile made your fears disappear.

“yes, Touya, thank you.”

you grinned at him before you stopped moving and gave him the biggest hug you’d ever given. he giggled as he hugged you back. even though the two of you were only four, him wrapping his arms around you made you feel safer. what could go wrong when you were in the arms of your best friend?

“of course. you look better when you’re happier!”

II.

“you’re always at work, you never spend time with us!”

“maybe that’s because i’m trying to earn money to take care of this family!”

a 10 year old should never have to endure this. tears welled up in your red, puffy eyes as you remember the latest fight your parents had. you couldn’t take the screams and abhorrence so you ran. you didn’t know where your feet were taking you until you stood, shaking and sobbing in front of the Todoroki household. you wiped at your eyes before hesitantly knocking on the door. you stared at your feet and played with the hem of your shirt as you waited for the door to open.

when you heard creaking, you looked up immediately. your watery eyes met with the soft grey ones of Touya’s mother, Rei. she bent over to wipe off your tear-stained cheeks, the gentleness of her touch making you melt.

“are they fighting again, love?”

when you opened your mouth to respond, the only thing that came out was the quiet, pained sobs that you’d been holding back. that had been answer enough for her, and she quickly ushered you into the house.

you sat in the kitchen with her, your legs crossed as you sipped the tea that she’d made specially for you. the two of you just talked until you calmed down a little bit. soft footsteps brought you away from your current conversation and to the entrance of the kitchen, where you were met with a tired looking Touya.

“y/n? is everything okay?” he yawned and rubbed his eyes as he spoke, his voice mellow despite his exhaustion. you got up and walked to him, giving him a hug without uttering a word. he, of course, hugged back.

“dance with me, Touya?”

he smiled softly before taking your hands and dancing with you, his mother as your audience. the two of you spun around as though you were the only people in the world. nothing else existed in that moment, just you and Touya and your dancing. a smile had replaced the heart wrenching look on your face. dancing with your best friend made things better, even when life seemed to have been falling apart before your very eyes.

“you know, you should smile more often. you look prettier when you’re happier.”

III.

15 was not your favourite age, to say the least. your parents never stopped arguing and it’d become even harder to deal with. when they spoke to you, it was always short and harsh. they made sure you knew they didn’t want you, and they didn’t want each other either. you sat upstairs in your room holding a pillow over your head to block out the incessant screams from the voices that once soothed you.

you were at your breaking point and you knew that. nothing seemed to make you happy anymore. you kept headphones in your ears turned up at max volume to tune out the fighting every single day. it was the only thing that made you feel anything anymore. the romanticisation of life in songs gave you spurious hope.

you supposed it was easy to idealise life when you were living, but you were only existing. you vividly remembered the day the life had left your eyes, even though you weren’t dead. you were no longer who you once were. you felt like you were overreacting with your emotions. your parents never hit you or anything. sure, they fought nonstop, but you had a roof over your head and food to eat and clothes to wear. what right did you have to be upset with your life?

you sighed quietly before getting your phone out and sending a text to Touya, asking if he’d be willing to come over. he always knew what to do and say when you got like this. your phone buzzed in your hand and you smiled at his speedy reply before reading that he’d be right over.

☆☆☆☆☆

you walked to your window after receiving Touya’s text that he was there. you opened it and smiled down at him.

“there’s a ladder on the side of the house,”

he gave you a thumbs up before going to retrieve the ladder. you giggled softly, turning to go sit on your bed while you awaited his return.

minutes later, you saw disheveled red hair crawling through your window. he looked at you and grinned, going over to sit next to you when he’d made it through. you wrapped your arms around his neck while his were secured around your waist. the warmth of the hug made a funny feeling erupt in your stomach. likewise, Touya’s heart was fluttering at your touch.

“Touya, will you dance with me?”

he stood up, pulling you close to his chest. your arms rested around his neck like they had when you were sitting. the two of you swayed slowly, a comfortable silence taking over as you just enjoyed each other’s presence. you relished the protectiveness of his embrace. he rested his head gently on top of yours, making your heart pound.

he stopped moving abruptly before pulling away slightly to look at your face. his eyes scanned over every perfect imperfection that made up your beautiful appearance. his brows furrowed and he bit his lip, deep in thought. his eyes stared directly into yours, making you squirm. you got nervous under his unwavering gaze, so you shifted your head and looked to the side.

he gently held your chin and moved your head back to its previous position before placing a loving kiss to your lips. you kissed back with more force, the neediness exposing how deprived of love the two of you really were. his grasp on your waist tightened and your hands found their way into his hair, pulling gently. his tongue slid over your lip and you opened your mouth to allow him access. you pressed into him as much as you possibly could, a soft moan escaping your lips.

in that moment, nothing and nobody else mattered. it was only the two of you pouring your hearts out to one another, holding onto each other tightly out of fear that you might never see each other again if you let go.

when you pulled away to breathe, Touya took the second to look you over again. when he looked at you he saw his whole life in your eyes. he fell in love with you when you two were kids, and that love has only grown stronger since then.

“y/n, i want to make you happier.”

IV.

you were now 19 years old and you hadn’t seen Touya in two years. he disappeared when he was 17, leaving you confused and brokenhearted. you’ve felt this emptiness ever since he left, like you were missing one half of your already damaged heart. you missed him. his smile, his laugh. you missed his lips and his hugs but most of all, you missed dancing with him.

you didn’t think you’d ever see him again, but you remained hopeful that maybe your paths would cross once again. at first everyone thought he’d been kidnapped. however, as you thought more and more about it, you had come to the conclusion that maybe he ran away. you knew how his father treated him and his siblings, even Rei. you wouldn’t blame him if running way was his only option, but why didn’t he tell you? or better yet, why didn’t he take you?

you laid on your bed, still trapped within the hate and anger of your parent’s house. all you could do was wonder if things would get better. you wish, above all things, that you could go back to when things were better, when you were happier.

by 21, your parents had kicked you out and with no job or house, you had nowhere to go. so you sat on a bench near the very park you used to play at with Touya. the darkness of the night sky was making you drowsy. your eyes were fluttering closed when the shadow of a tall man blocked the moon from illuminating your figure. your eyes shot open and you looked up, your eyes being met with familiar blue ones on an unfamiliar face. there were stitches and burns all over him, his hair completely black.

he stared at you, not knowing what to do or say. you felt in your heart that you knew him, but you didn’t recognise him.

“Touya?”

his eyes welled up with tears for the first time in a long time.

“y/n.”

you covered your mouth to muffle the sound of your quiet cries before you stood up and hugged him. he hugged back tighter than he ever had before.

“Touya, what happened to you? why did you leave? you didn’t say a thing to me, you just left!”

“i know—“

“you could’ve at least told me!”

“i’m sorry—“

“i felt so lost, Touya, you left me alone.”

“y/n, please. i didn’t mean to hurt you.”

tears spilled like a waterfall, your gasps for air breaking his heart. he really had no intentions of hurting you.

“y/n, i truly am sor—“

you cut him off be smashing your lips against his. he stumbled back slightly before regaining his posture and kissing you back.

“i missed you so much, Touya.”

“i missed you too, love.”

you held onto him like you’d lose him again if you let go. he held you with just as much protectiveness and love. the two of you swayed slightly, the moon shining, illuminating your tear stained cheeks. finally, for the first time in five years, your life didn’t feel like it was slowly crumbling before you. you wouldn’t say you were happy per se. but the two of you dancing in the light of the gleaming moon brought you back to when you were younger.

as crazy as it sounds, you missed who you were back then, when the two of you were dancing through the angry voices of your parents. when you were dancing through the mess you called your lives. he brought you back to those times, though. he brought you back to when you were happier.

#dabi #dabi x reader #touya x reader #touya todoroki #todoroki #villain #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #x reader #x you #reader insert #anime

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okwilliamson · 5 years ago

Text

im back from the dead

i really wanted to answer some questions. and tumblr is the place to do that.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

- for the most part i really do. I feel really lucky in that way, it obviously grows much more complex

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

- my mom :)

03: Do you regret anything?

- lots of things, idk i sometimes regret wearing one pair of glasses versus the other. i dont feel like regret has to be so devastating. however it really can be

04: Are you insecure?

- of course i am

05: What is your relationship status?

- im in the beginning of a crush with a very very very very cute boy. i dont wanna think too hard or it wont work out. im such a hopeless romantic and it goes against everything i stand for lol

06: How do you want to die?

- peacefully and riddled with student loan debt

07: What did you last eat?

- i ate half of a burrito that i had left over it was delish

08: Played any sports?

- big nope 09: Do you bite your nails?

- i do not, i do pick my nails and cuticles to death tho especially when im nervous

10: When was your last physical fight?

- i simply do not know. ive never been in a real fight

11: Do you like someone?

- i like so many people

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

- ummm no i dont think so, for sure more than 24 but not a whole two days. I get really bad headaches when i stay up for too long

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

- donald trump

14: Do you miss someone?

- i miss my sister, and bella

15: Have any pets?

- me and syd have a cat called connie, i also have a house cat at my parents house and a cat who just had to be put down when he got suddenly so sick.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

- apprehensive

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

- yes i have, many different bathrooms

18: Are you scared of spiders?

- umm not very much but i am scared of them generally. especially big ones

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

- i think i would be too tempted to make the same mistakes twice lol

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

- ummmmm, idk honestly i feel like i dont live in a situation where i need to snoop

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

- the weekend is just ending, I worked all weekend lol. Im off next saturday tho which will be nice. idk what im gonna do.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

- ugh

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

- i have my ear lobes and both nostrils and thats it

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

- always english & art. Im bad at writing good papers tbh

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

- i think about the people from my past all the time, but i dont think i miss anyone that i couldnt get ahold of if i wanted to.

26: What are you craving right now?

- to have a boy play with my hair

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

- no i dont think i have. honestly

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

- yessirrr

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

- yes i have made a boy cry, long ago

30: What’s irritating you right now?

- umm miss rona, the way eveything seems lowkey pointless

31: Does somebody love you?

- so many people im lucky in that way

32: What is your favourite color?

- pink

33: Do you have trust issues?

- lol i am the queen of having trust issues

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

- tony probably, i dream about him all the time

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

- sydney, we really do be crying

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

- i be giving 3rd, 4th, and 5th chances dude

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

- i dont really do either if im honest

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

- ew no not at all

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

- i was 13!

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

- ummm yes i think so. I had sex in the woods once does that count.

51: Favourite food?

- chicken wings

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

- idk sometimes i want to think this and sometimes i just think i have bad luck

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

- texted a boy omg im a headass

54: Is cheating ever okay?

- if you have a cuck partner ?? theres a world of options. but in a closed relationship i would say no.

55: Are you mean?

- lowkey

56: How many people have you fist fought?

- maam

57: Do you believe in true love?

- i think so, maybe more in a platonic sense tho i have true love with my sister and syd and evie

58: Favourite weather?

- sunny early morning in summer, when theres a chill in the air

59: Do you like the snow?

- i love how it looks, but i hate driving in it, walking in it etc

60: Do you wanna get married?

- maybe idk

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

- sooo cute i melt for pet names

62: What makes you happy?

omg so many things!!! coffee, friendship, diet coke, sunshine, the color pink, my friends

63: Would you change your name?

- i used to really want to when i was young but i think im secure enough in myself now to just vibe, i like my name

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

- no the last person i kissed is a great kisser

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

- ummm laugh

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

- 100%

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

- this boyyyyy

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- idk me and syd be texting about our worst fears so, all my conversations are deep it seems like. 69: Do you believe in soulmates?

- yes yes yes theyre so real

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

my sister without a doubt

#personal #asks #thanks for tuning in all these years on my blog

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skyphile · 4 years ago

Note

prime numbers! ((emberoops))

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

THIS IS SO SAD BUT NO...... he would DIE for a sibling, and his parents dont have siblings either so he doesnt even have cousins,,, he longs for that kind of relationship so much??

he ended up projecting being a big brother to many people over the course of his life instead, and it embarrasses him so much when he notices it happening, it makes him feel so silly

i would say the biggest tugs of that kind of dynamic rn are maybe with colin especially with all the dumb fake animosity, while adrien is almost a legit Parental/mother hen feeling of being protective of him

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

ive talked about this a bit before, but graham was the product of an arranged marriage. his grandfather made his dad marry a woman from a prestigious family so they could keep their popularity and prestige and important connections themselves, especially as immigrants in a very racist country

his parents ended up caring deeply for one another, but not in a romantic way, and his mother was extremely depressed and anxious throughout her pregnancy, and after graham was born. she was nearly suicidal and grahams grandfather was only making things worse, so it was grahams dad who basically. decided to say fuck it to his father, bring grahams mother somewhere safe, give her all the money and resources and protection she needed to get better and pursue her own life, and he was super attached to baby graham and wanted to raise him all by himself

this early turmoil traumatized graham and when he grew up it was something that made him feel othered in relation to his peers, in addition to his race, his culture, his budding gender identity and sexual & romantic orientations. it made him feel deeply unloveable, broken, and incapable of love himself, it was one of the things that made him grow up very wary of the concept of marriage, and it took a lot of vulnerability, respect and genuine care and hard work between him and his dad to understand that the circumstances of his birth were not his fault, and that this was the best solution for everyone to be able to experience their love for each other the best way possible

graham has met her several times, writes to her regularly, and he treats her like a dear friend rather than a parent. hes happy for her, her art degrees, her girlfriend, and in turn shes expressed a lot of pride and joy in getting to meet this boy she helped bring to the world

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

graham loves his dad to fucking pieces

hes such a humble, emotionally intelligent and caring man, who from early on caught onto all the outdated and damaging aspects of the traditions of his family and fought against it time after time after time

he is completely different from his own father, who had very specific plans for him, and he just foiled them all!

with grahams birth, he did the best he could raising him by himself, thwarting his fathers enduring influence, and making sure this kid had all the tools to be true to himself and follow his heart no matter what. he isnt perfect and of course he made many mistakes, but he is always humble enough to admit when hes wrong, apologize to his child, communicate his feelings and figure out solutions together. graham has always had an amazing role model in him

the circumstances of grahams disappearance and then return after the trials of his own jumanji esque adventure are still difficult for him to understand, but he still believed graham, and he was the biggest force in bringing his son back from his damaging self isolation and motivate him to cook, to live, to carry on

he still remains ever supporting and adoring of his child, adoring of his new child in law, and just an all around amazing dude

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

what pockets....

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

if theyre not horror movie or game induced, then theyre related to his period of isolation, to being trapped in an endlessly dark, silent, quiet cold place

he may see himself as he was when that happened too, close to starvation, hollow and alone

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

during the time they were in their own jumanji esque adventure, completely by himself, unaided, trapped in some reality away from his own so he could put it together and slowly solve this lock puzzle until he got to come home again

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

hes usually ok with handling himself with crises, even when theres a lot of blood

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

bunnies! lots of sweet stuffies, including rabbits, pokemon and marine creatures

his gameboy and his tamagotchi too

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

i would say his biiiiiiig repulsion/aversion to dating culture in general? this is related to his family history but is also a big consequence of his aromanticism

he has huge trouble understanding all the rituals of people jumping into commitments and weird expectations and fleeting obsessions when most of the time they dont even have a solid foundation of time, vulnerability and trust to even call themselves a good friendship, especially in people who he sees jump into the same pitfalls over and over?

ultimately he understands that his own circumstances are important differences in how people shape their relationships, but it still makes him extremely secondhand anxious, especially because in his experience as an observer rushed things and pushed expectations make for very volatile and intense disappointments that end up hurting him a lot too, and hes kinda very tired of that

nonetheless, this has made him grow distant of friends in the past, and while he regrets some of it and wishes it was easier to compromise and be more comfortable about it, he also knows that he was right about many situations and ultimately it was a better idea not to get involved and trust his gut

What does your character dislike in other people?

nonsensical violence, general assholery, unwillingness to listen, lack of consideration for others, being treated as someone useful for stuff he knows or tools he has or things he can give and then being discarded, he also feels very peeved when people sexualize him when hes talked about his nudity before and how it relates with growing comfort with his self image

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

i would say so, yes!! working on video games, pro cuddling and cooking for others are definitely pinnacles of things hes always thought would bring others joy

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

home... close to kes, taking a deep breath in their little home, with their little family, and feeling wholly, intrinsically belonging...

similar locations are for example when his dad throws a party and graham gets to invite all his best friends and everyone just has a lovely time laughing and eating together. game streams are a similar venture too!!

but at the end of the day, coming home, kicking off shoes and clothes, snuggling up to his starlight and their babies? pure bliss

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

i still dont understand what this means,,,,

he does not have honor OR status SOBS

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

oh it is a constant cycle of tremendous happiness and having to pinch himself bc hes so scared hes still in the silent cold dark alone... hes always trying to do better to keep earning this. hes a bit better about it now, he understand ppl are here bc they want to, but yknow. brain trauma still does things sometimes.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

nope! but his dad moods are soooo big now. he just wants to protect kids and be a good influence...

#ooc #headcanon #HERE WE GO....#suicide ideation #mothers ment #fathers ment #parents ment #unreality #Anonymous

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adlexegam · 4 years ago

Text

please tell me, am i in the wrong?

so basically i decided to join here cause i at least know my post wont get removed here. i tried posting my story on reddit’s AITA but my post kept getting removed because on their posts you cant post about abuse. so fuck it, here i am, hoping for someone other than my bf and myself to tell me im not wrong. context:i decided to invite my boyfriend over without telling my parents, i did it max 5 times. i was 16 at the time and he was 18. i got caught and my punishment was to get my phone taken away, my number cancelled, im no longer allowed to drive a car or get my license, im only allowed one friend, im not allowed my laptop anymore, im no longer allowed outside without constant supervision, cameras were installed in and out of the house, and just about every day since december of 2019 ive been getting told how disgusting i am for wanting to be with a n****r (my bf’s half puerto rican half white, i’m half hispanic and half white too), how if he was white he would have come to the front door and shook my parent’s hands and asked for permission to date their daughter, how im a dirty n****r lover who will get pregnant from him and have to slave away to take care of our half breed mistakes, how if i stay with him he’ll sell my body on the streets for money, how if i have sex with him ill get every std on the plant, all that 50′s bullshit. ive gotten pregnancy tested (im celibate), drug tested (mom claims she smelled weed in my room, so he’s a dirty n****r drug dealer apparently forcing me to do drugs, guess what i am against drugs since i know itll change my brain chemistry and i have weak lungs),and std tested (still celibate). for the first few months after they found out i was allowed my laptop at home to do homework, and only allowed my phone during school. one day i got home and i got greeted to the fact that i no longer have a laptop and now have to use the house computer to do all my work at home. of course i got mad because for months ive been doing everything they wanted, and suddenly im being punished for being suspiciously good? my mom got on top of me and fought me to take off my backpack to take my airpods too, left my phone on the kitchen table. i grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. she found out i took my phone, and once i unlocked the door i held my phone above my head so we can just talk. instead she got on top of me and started scratching me and all over my arms to get to my phone. i dropped it from the pain of the scratches on my arms. earlier that same day i was getting ready for school with my laptop open, camera taped over, looking for any school assignments i missed. my mom unlocked my door and saw my nude body getting ready with my laptop open, and just went back to the kitchen table and told my dad how much of a slut i am and how im posting my nude body on the internet. i quickly put on clothes and came up to her yelling how im just getting ready for school and how theres tape over the camera. i even told her to look at the laptop, the only thing open was google classroom. my dad got up and started yelling at me for being a slut and for talking back. for once i finally got tired of being yelled at, i finally stood up for myself. he punched me in the face and when my mom got in between to defend me (she caused the whole situation), his swings went back in on her stomach. i screamed dont hit my mother and tried to push her off him, he used the oppurtunity to grab my shoulder by my uniform and punch me in the shoulder. everything was a blur after that. my mother drove me to school and yelled how i shouldnt have been a whore on the internet. i fought back. before i got to school i yelled “please, just fuck off”. this is important later, because she used me saying that as the excuse for her getting on top of me and scratching me and ripping my backpack off my back. because i swore at her. it was okay. but here’s the important part. he hit me in front of the camera. i knew the police would ignore the emotional abuse ive been getting for my entire life. i got my physical evidence. finally, after 16 years, i had my evidence. i told my boyfriend what happened, and we agreed to meet after school the next day and call the police. i wanted to be emancipated, since my parents adamantly agreed that i (apparently) only wanted to be emancipated because my ��poor street rat n****r boyfriend’ was manipulating me into it. ive been dreaming of this day since i was 8, when i realized what ive been told wasnt normal. they showed up on the corner of where i called. i told the policemen what happened to me the day before. they asked if i had any scars or bruises. i said no, he didnt punch me hard enough to get a bruise the next day, and my mother didnt scratch me hard enough to get scars. they knew what would happen if they gave me physical evidence. after i said that, the policeman interrogating me asked me something that will stay with me until the day i die. “he never really hit you, did he?” i began crying and saying yes! yes he did! i have video footage to prove it! we have cameras in the house! it happened right in front of the cameras! more questions ensued, and i was brought to the police station while my boyfriend waited at a local coffeeshop for me to finally be free from the abuse. at first i was scared, but the cops calmed me down. i told them everything. all my memories spilled from my mouth like water from the niagra falls. everything came rushing out, my fears, my forgotten memories i forced into my box of never to be remembered, the times before i feared for my life, the times i knew something wasnt right. i told them everything from the bottom of my heart. they listened and asked all the right questions.(if you want to know what happened to me and what i told them, ill post them in a future post if anyone cares) one of the officers, the only one with melanin skin and a father to a beautiful girl, expressively felt sick from my stories, from my life. not even he could understand why, as a father, why any parent would find it right to do to me what they did. he was my favourite police officer, he was the kindest and the only one who really wanted me to feel comfortable. he talked to me on the level of a person, not a child. eventually cps came and he told me to tell her everything too. i did. she asked where i wanted to go if i got emancipated. i said to live with my boyfriend, his family is willing to take me in and once i get a job ill pay minimal rent so i can be free. she said ‘no, you cant live with a minor.’ i said he’s not a minor, he’s 18. she said ‘oh, then yeah you definetly cant live with him’ she said if i wanted to leave i would be put into a women’s shelter since i was too old to be adopted/put into foster care. she said i would be r*ped if i was put in there. she said i should just take it until im 18, then ill be fine. she said that there were no scars or bruises, so it wasnt that bad. (this part is blurry, the more i remember it the more the memories overlap, im sorry for any confusion) the police interrogated my parents. they believed every word they said. my mother used whitepages as a source to prove how my boyfriend lied about his name. my mother used our hours long calls to prove how im obviously being manipulated to lie. she said how im just a liar, as my father said, a pathological liar. they had no cause to me being a pathological liar, i was just born that way. i was lying to get into my manipulative boyfriend’s arms for my body to be used by him and his friends. i was obviously being manipulated, why would i want to leave my loving parents arms? i was obviously doing this just out of anger of getting my laptop and phone taken away, obviously. its not like they EVER did anything wrong to me, they were just teaching me to grow up a mature adult, ready for the world. they would never put their hands on me. the police never looked at the cameras. they never questioned me again. i was a liar. at home the child protective services lady said my room quote ‘ranked of weed’. i have never done weed. my boyfriend has never done weed in my room. at the station they said they couldnt find a record of my boyfriend. i later found out that, even after he gave them his social security number, they still questioned his existence. at the station they told my parents they couldnt find his record (he has none, hes never committed a crime). at home a therapist came. to my knowledge, my boyfriend was never real (no record) and i would still have to be at home. i wanted to die. the therapist said she wanted to take me to a mental hospital. my mom was there and consented. my dad later came home, yelled at me in front of the therapist. she said im suicidal, with his consent she would call her supervisor to take me to the local mental hospital. he consented. while she called her supervisor from across the kitchen, he said: “she wants to kill herself? fuck if i care, she can drown herself in a river for all i care” i sat there shocked. the mental hospital was a blur. once i got home i got my phone taken away too. my only communication would be from the 10+ year old computer we have in the kitchen. facing out so anyone that walks by can see what im doing. one of the cameras is watching me at all times, but is positioned so that it cant see what i am doing. once i got home i used our kindle fire. i logged into discord on incognito mode. i asked him to send me his birth certificate. was he even real? was i even real? was our late nights of cuddling nothing? were the walks in the park nothing? were the ‘i love you’s nothing? did meeting his family from an hour long train ride mean nothing? were the chinese food dates nothing? were the confessions of our embarassing secrets nothing? were the times we had non-vaginal sex and laughed in the middle from how silly we were being mean nothing? were the times we had tiffs and talked it out mean nothing? did he save me from my ex-abusive partner just to use me? were the times we layed down next to each other with the only covering being my blanket, staring at each other in wonder of how lucky each of us were, was that nothing? when we spent hours telling each other our entire life stories, was he lying? did the times he called my body the most beautiful thing he ever has seen, the times he’s said he didnt think he’d ever fall in love again from his ex, was that a lie? he sent his birth certificate. it was real. his birth date his name it was all real. he told me what happened to him. i told him what happened to me. he apologized for it going the way it did. i apologized for doubting him. child protective services sent a therapist me and my mother had to meet with weekly. 2 hours, 10 times. it lasted until the first weeks of quarantine. me and him are still in the same love we’ve has since before he found out how truly insane my parents are. the only reason we’ve ever gotten into fights is from how much he wants me to run away (before you say ‘ok maybe the parents were right, he sounds manipulative’, no, he only says that after every time something else happens at home and how he has to cope with the fact that im okay with being abused since its my normal. he wants me to run away from the abuse, not just so we can see each other again, so i wont be hurt anymore). he’s still the man i want to marry, the man i want to call mine and for him to call me his. we get scared the other might get tired of the waiting and just decide to leave for someone each other’s family would like. we talk through it. we know we can wait. i know i can take it until im 18. he knows he’ll be prepared to take me in once im 18. we know we can take the late nights awake, missing each other. we can take it because this isnt puppy love. this isnt purely passionate love. he wants me to be safe, and i want to finally be free. so you’re up to this point and you’re probably thinking one of three things: jesus christ can this lady capitalize anything?? or holy FUCK this is long it better be good or why did she title her post that? first of all, i do what a want nehenehenehneh second of all, whoever reads this needs the full context before i ask my question third of all, because of what happened a couple of days ago. a month ago my dad passed from covid-19. ive become the housewife while my mother has taken over the family business and my brother does the grass once a month. my mother still cooks, but i clean the dishes and fold laundry every day and vaccuum the whole house twice a week. a letter came in the other day stating how our child protective services case is now closed. they never found signs of physical abuse or neglect. my mother reminded me for the infinitieth time how stupid i am for getting manipulated. how much of a dirty n*****r lover i am. how i will never be anything without her. then she brought my father into this i started the situation, which made him depressed. he was depressed, so he couldnt fight off the virus. because he couldnt fight off the virus, he died. she blamed me for killing my father she blamed me for my father for deciding to go out every day without a mask for my father deciding to put in his eyedrops in an insanitary environment she blamed me it was my fault i knew i was leaving when im 18 i knew i wanted to tell my mother at least a month before i left that i was leaving but now theres no going back once im 18, im gone im never turning back i will never be treated like this or talked down like this ever again but who will clean? who will vaccuum? who will make sure the house is organized? do i stay? can i even go? i just dont know anymore should i go? and well, what i started this post with, please tell me, am i in the wrong? for planning on leaving when im 18? to finish this post, i just want to say a few things. dont tell me to call the police or child protective services.i already did. they believed my abusive parents and told them how they can protect themselves against me, since i was the one who started all this. plus, look at the fucking news. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. my boyfriend looks hispanic and i look white. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. fuck cops. not all cops are bad, but no cop should fucking gun down people for their race. no person should be judged from some racist person saying “oh im fearing for my life” and the person in question is black/a poc and is doing fucking nothing. they believed my fucking abusive parents because they threw my bf under the bus as bait and the police went for it. dont come after my family. all that will do is make everything worse for me. my mother can’t even look at a poc without claiming they’re related to my boyfriend and are going to follow her to kill her. dont do anything to me. just please answer my question. please just tell me if im in the right or if im in the wrong. i know this is abuse. i know whats happening to me is wrong. but i know i can take it. i know i can survive. i will survive and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. i will be my own person. i am me

#numb #mental illness #abuse #trauma #sad #sadness #abusive #hurt #depression #acab #amitheasshole #aita #deep #emotionalabuse

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macbookpro-hard-drive · 5 years ago

Text

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.5

why is it almost 9 and im tired already smh

anyway, i almost titled this part 5 because i dont know what numbers are

update im a dumbass bc this was, indeed, part 5

warnings: uhhh sick moments. hospitals. guilt. squip aftermath. mentions of nightmares.

You woke up days later in the hospital.

The first thing that happened was a blur of motions: you trying to rip out your IV as you panicked, and a nurse who just opened the door grabbed you by the wrist to stop you before you did any true damage. Then came a thousand questions from a thousand people, all trying to pinpoint the when and why and how and what happened that you could barely remember at that moment. When your breathing picked up and panic set in, the room was cleared save for a single person taking vitals. When he left, you were alone. The room felt cold. The room was silent-

Wait.

The room was silent.

Oh, god, the room was silent.

It was gone. Your thoughts were your own again, yet it still felt as if a piece of you had been snapped off. Broken off. Crumbled away over time, yet - yet... how long had you been out? Hours? A day? You couldn’t completely recall. You remembered someone asking you the date, the time, the anything, but... it slipped your mind far too quickly as a thousand other questions followed suit. You squinted at the whiteboard on the wall across from you, stamped into the corner, and red dry-erase marker spelling out the date.

Barely two days. That was good. You were... you were fine. You were okay. This was okay. Two days was okay. Two days was much less than what Rich dealt with-

Oh. Fuck, Rich - had he woken up? He must still be in the hospital - was - were you in the same one? Fuck, you felt foggier than ever. Like the pieces wouldn’t connect, yet lined up perfectly. Every little bit of pressure merely popped the piece apart again, and it left nothing but frustration to fill the space between. You’d have to see him as soon as you could.

The first person who came to see you (not quite counting your parents) was Christine Canigula with a pretty bouquet of sunflowers in her arms. Her purse bounced against her hip with every step around the room (mainly due to her trying to find a nice place to set the flowers down), and she finally gently sat at the end of your bed and talked to you happily about everything that had gone on within the past few days. She opened her bag, fishing out a small little bag of assorted goodies that she placed in your hands.

“I thought you could use something nice,” she smiled, “I hope you get out of here soon.” When you couldn’t muster up anything past a weak smile, she continued, “Rich actually asked about you, when I saw him earlier.”

You looked up. “He did?” You asked, voice quiet and broken.

“Yeah!” She chirped, “he woke up the other day, actually,” she drummed her fingers against her leg, “

The second was Michael. Michael, who had a ball of emotions choking him as he searched for the right thing to say to you. Worried and angry and upset and... relieved. All of it evaporated as you told him everything. Every detail, every action explained - and he realized what lied beyond the glimpse you’d given him while you looked as if you were trying to escape his house. He sat on the edge of your bed in stunned silence, just staring at the floor as you felt guilt creep into your stomach.

“Michael?” You finally said, voice quiet. “I’m... I’m sorry.” You paused, “for everything. You - you don’t have to forgive me, but...”

“You used me.” He said. You could hear the underlying anger dripping from those three words alone.

“I know.” You swallowed your emotions. “I’m... I know it was awful and I should have fought more to not do that, but...”

He finally looked back at you. “So,uh... how much of that was real, then?”

You opened your mouth to answer, only to stop for a moment, looking away. “I... I don’t really know,” you said, voice cracking and giving you away entirely. “Shit.”

“I mean-” He said, “you were - it was weird, [y/n]. One minute you’d be one way, and then... you were, y’know, you. It was like things never changed.”

That hit you hard. “Michael?” You choked out his name, before continuing, “please don’t tell Jeremy.”

“What?” He stared at you, “[y/n], he deserves to know-”

“No! I mean - he does,” you clarified, “I just - I need to tell him this myself.”

He bit his tongue for a moment. “I, uh, I think I’m gonna have to tell him some things before he loses his shit, [y/n]. He was fuckin’ freaked when the ambulance drove off.”

After a moment of stunned quiet, you mustered up a quick nod. “Right. Just - don’t tell him everything, alright?”

The conversation had died there. After a few more minutes of silence, Michael stood and made his way to leave - rattling off the usual “get well soon” message that you expected.

“Michael?” You called out, and he stopped. “Thank you for coming to see me. I... I appreciate it.”

His smile had faded, and he nodded a little. “Yeah...” He looked back at you, and he looked so soft and genuine that time. “Later, [y/n].”

The next day, Jeremy was shoved into your room without much of a chance to gather his bearings. True to his word, Michael had explained a few things while leaving Jeremy pretty in the dark on what had happened. The hardest thing was looking at Jeremy and telling him the rest of your story. That you had wasted six hundred dollars on a stupid, shitty pill that you thought would help you. A pill that you thought would help you essentially get Jeremy to reciprocate the feelings that you bit back and hid underneath everything. You lied through your teeth that you had just wanted him and Michael back. You couldn’t just... admit that you had a crush on him, could you?

He reached out and laid a hand on your own. “Michael told me.”

Shit. Fuck. Nope. You nearly hit the button for a nurse in that moment to try and see if you could get him out. What the fuck, Michael? “He told you...?”

“Look,” he said, “I’m flattered, [y/n], I just... I like someone else. I mean, you’re - you’re cool and all, but-”

“I get it, Jeremy.” You said. “I... I understand.” You paused for a moment, “but... I did miss you and Michael, y’know.”

“Why’d we stop hanging out?” Jeremy asked.

Something inside of you hurt at that question. “I don’t know.” And that was true, to say the least. You had your suspicions, sure, but at the end of the day, the why rested without an answer.

He stared at you. “Wait...” He trailed off, before looking away. “Oh.” His voice dropped to a whisper, “shit.” He looked back at you, “hey, uh, I’m - I’m sorry for dropping you like that- I just-”

“I get it.” Which was sort-of the truth, at least. “You don’t have to apologize, Jeremy.”

“... Okay,” he said after a moment, “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you in school,” he stood, “feel better soon-”

And then he was gone.

Three months later, and you were still haunted by a voice in your head every so often. You started therapy shortly after you were released from the hospital, the mystery of what happened to you remaining as such. You started medication soon after, your depression having grown worse post-SQUIP (and your father had been glad for you getting help, since he’d admitted it hurt him to watch you suffer for so long while being unsure of what to actually do to help you). You attended group therapy outside of Metuchen.

You had Rich. Rich, who picked you up on Thursday nights to drive you to group and back again. Rich, who knew how you felt and hid his guilt for pulling you into this shitty world of trauma and pain that’d haunt you for who knows how long. Rich, who slung his arm around your waist casually when the two of you were hanging out and was touchy with you in a way that made you feel safe and secure. You had Rich at your side, the friend that you honestly had never expected to have but were glad for at the end of the day. While you wished he didn’t feel the pain that you did, it was almost... nice to know that someone else understood.

At two in the morning, one mid-February day, he called you.

“Another nightmare?”

“Yeah... you?”

“Yeah.” A pause. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Yep,” he dragged the word out. “Uh - do you...?”

“You go first, Rich.”

His phone must have been on speaker, because you heard the sound of him shifting in bed - blanket swooshing as he probably turned over onto his side. “Same old shit.” He began, “I, uh, was in Jake’s house, and... it was on fire. My, uh... It was there.” He paused for a moment, “y’know. Saying the same shit.” You didn’t have to see Rich to know he was touching his neck, fingers running along the scars there. “What about you?”

Your phone was lying beside your head. Shutting your eyes, you took a breath before exhaling slowly. “It was, uh, actually... good for once. I mean - it started good. I was... I was with Jeremy. I... think we were dating? I don’t know - we were holding hands and I had let go and walked ahead only to notice he was standing still, and - it... it’s weird, Rich, but - I swear there was some kind of stupid circuit pattern that, like, trailed down his neck - and... and his smile, Rich-” You paused, taking a shaky breath, “and then I heard it.” Another long pause. “Then I woke up.”

You heard Rich suck in a breath. For the longest time, there was silence on the other end. Despite not hearing any chimes to indicate it, you thought that maybe he had hung up. But then he spoke, voice quiet and broken, “why did you say yes?”

“What?”

“To - to buying it, [y/n].”

You stared up at your ceiling. Soon enough, you kicked off your blankets as you grew too hot for comfort, shifting against to try and find some sort of comfortable position. “You sold it pretty well, I guess.” You started, before biting your lip for a moment, “I thought it could help me.”

“... With?”

You changed the topic. “Why’d you take it?”

No response.

“Rich?”

“Gretch is gonna fucking suck tomorrow.”

“... Yeah.”

“You wanna skip?”

No, you wanted to say. But you shrugged. “Yeah. Where are we doing?”

“Fuck, I don’t know - Wawa?”

“Sure.”

Rich’s truck was like a second home to you, between the times the two of you skipped classes and every drive to and from therapy. The two of you skipped class too often - sometimes morning classes, sometimes afternoon, it always depended on how the two of you were doing. Sometimes you’d sit in the Wawa parking lot, eating breakfast or lunch, enjoying the rebellious freedom that came with skipping class. The guilt would stay in the backseat, a constant reminder of your fuck-ups, but... you were glad to have a moment to breathe.

Rich’s hand found yours that morning. He squeezed it. For a minute, there were just two broken teens sitting together, holding hands, trying to feel less broken together.

Over a week later, you texted Rich after hearing it - or, at least, you thought you did. He told you to call Michael - closer to you, and carrier of the Mountain Dew Red at you and Rich’s mutual request. Your finger lingered over Michael’s contact information when a thought struck you, hard and heavy. Why call him? Why not let it come back and fix what it had done? You felt broken enough - how much more damage could it do to you? Besides... now you knew how to take care of it. Maybe that knowledge would be enough to help you gain some sort of control over it.

An hour later, Rich texted you saying Michael hadn’t heard from you. Another hour passed. He told you he was coming over. You couldn’t respond, staring at your phone blankly as tears began to well up. Thirty minutes later, rocks hit your window. Five minutes later, Rich was sitting on the end of your bed as you curled back up, the bottle sitting on the bed between the two of you. He looked tired, running a hand nervously through his hair as he didn’t meet your eyes.

“I know.” He said, breaking the silence. “Just - don’t fucking do it, okay?”

You broke your gaze away from the bottle. “What?”

“I... I’ve thought about it too,” he said, quieter this time. “But... I think...” He paused, “it’s just a bad idea, alright?”

“It can’t-”

“It can.” He stressed, before grabbing the bottle with one hand and your hand in the other. He pressed the bottle into your hand, curling your fingers around it in a cliche action. “Just - fucking drink it, [y/n]. I’m tired.”

“You can stay here tonight.”

“Nah,” he stood. “I... need to get home soon. Just... drink it, alright?”

He didn’t leave you until you finally obliged.

The chill in the air that came with early March was no match for the chill you felt whenever you were around Michael. But Michael had the soda, and Rich lived farther away from you, so he became your lifeline whenever you felt the prickly feeling that came with every nightmare of it and he, thankfully without much complaint, would show up on your front lawn. You sat next to him in silence, an half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew Red sitting in your lap as Michael quietly looked up at the stars. The feeling in your stomach almost seemed to weigh you down, keeping you in place until Michael decided he’d had enough, until he gave up on sitting with you.

But he didn’t. He just sat there in silence, wearing his signature red hoodie in an attempt to keep himself warm. His breath colored the air with a puff of white as he exhaled. It was too cold for this shit, and yet... he sat with you.

“What was it like?” He began at one point, slowly looking over to you. “Y’know... the...” He paused, before tapping his temple, as if you hadn’t understood before. But you understood the why there.

“Like I was a puppet,” you said, echoing back something you’d said before in therapy. Almost completely subconsciously, you tugged at your sleeve. “I... I could disobey, but... it would get mad, and - and I didn’t like that, so I just... I did what it told me to. Sometimes, it would...” The ghost of a shock silenced you, and your breath hitched for a second as you try to regain some control over yourself.

When Michael’s hand landed on your forearm, you flinched immediately. But before he could fully tear his hand away from you (having only just pulled it away slightly), you immediately shifted closer to him. Almost as if he understood, he opened himself to you, and - after hesitating for too many moments - you nearly collapsed into his arms, wrapping your own around his torso and burying your face in his neck. At first you had just wanted the comfort. The warmth of another person. But your breath went shaky, and before Michael could say or do anything else, he heard you choke back a sob before you clutched at the fabric of his hoodie. Every soft, broken apology sent pain rippling through him. He’d been so pissed with you before, and now...

Now it was as if Michael was a child again, having seen the aftermath of hurricanes through Florida on the news. Or like the car accident he once witnessed, only staring before one of his moms tore him away from the sight, picking him up with ease and keeping his face turned away. He understood, all within that moment. He knew you were hurting, and in turn, he felt that pain too. He had hurt. He was in so much damn pain when he found out you’d originally just been using him, and now... he understood that maybe (or, perhaps, definitely, but a definite wasn’t quite there yet in his book) nothing had been your idea. Part of him wanted to look away from you, to give you some kind of privacy, and yet... you clung to him. You kept your face buried in his neck, hot tears wetting his skin, and you shook in his arms as you kept stammering out apology after apology for things that did and didn’t involve him.

That was when Michael decided that forgiveness was back on the table. Neither of you were ready to have that talk, but... the fact of the matter was that he let that option exist again. Every glimpse of you that had come flooding back to him when he visited you in the hospital seemed to haunt his memory once more. The real you. The you he hadn’t seen in so long. And, if he were honest, the you that he genuinely had begun to miss when your presence disappeared all that time ago.

He was ready to try again, if you were there to meet him halfway.

The following Wednesday came with a disgusting feeling of dread the moment that thunder clapped during your last class. You’d left your umbrella at home - clear skies, your weather app had lied - and chances were you were going to miss your bus when meeting with the guidance counselor quickly after school (because, of course, shit never worked out in your favor). So you clenched your jaw and pulled your bag close to you, taking off as the rain pounded against the pavement. You almost slipped, you could barely see through the rain, and you were already soaked to the bone by the time you were a fourth of the way home. When you heard a car coming down the street, you thought nothing of it until it slowed down, pulling over towards the side of the road and steadily crawling alongside you.

Well, fuck, if you were about to die, at least you wouldn’t deal with-

The car honked. When you turned, you immediately recognized the P.T. Cruiser and the two boys inside of it. Immediately, the passenger side window rolled down. “Get in, loser, we’re going shopping-”

“Michael-” You started to say, only to stop as you weigh your options. Get in the car and face Michael and Jeremy - or keep waking home in the rain. You barely even considered the latter as you pulled open the back door, throwing your bag in and immediately slipping into the warm car.

The backseat was comfortable. It had always been comfortable, actually - that much was certain. Even when you were shivering endlessly, sopping-wet backpack lying in the floorboard between your legs as you rub your arms in some attempt to get warm, you felt strangely at home sitting in the back of Michael’s car. The sticker was still on the head-rest of the driver’s side. Jeremy kept looking back at you every so often as Michael made his way towards your house. The moment he turned onto your street, you went for your keys.

And, of fucking course, you must have forgotten them that morning. So you ended up in Michael’s house, sitting on his bed in some of his spare clothes while your clothes are being oh-so-lovingly laundered by the ever-so-gracious Michael Mell. You toyed with the fabric of tee-shirt you were wearing, some indie band logo printed across the chest - something that felt so Michael, when you thought about it. Of course he’d have some obscure merch. You sat there with one of your class binders in your lap, working on homework when you finally get to geometry. As if to make the day even worse, you realized you were missing your calculator.

“Shit,” you said, “fuck-” You looked up to Michael and Jeremy, “can I, uh, borrow a calculator? I think I left mine at school-”

Jeremy stared at you for a split second before immediately going for his own bag. He stammered through a sentence, before he finally pulled out a familiar purple case and held it out to you. “I, uh, was going to give it to you tomorrow - I meant to give it back earlier but I, uh, forgot-”

You took it gingerly from him, before kind-of smiling in return. “It’s fine,” you said, “thank you-” and then you cut yourself off with a sneeze, your arm flying to cover your mouth.

Michael chuckled a little as he laid back, stretching himself along the foot of his bed. “If you needed a ride, you should have just asked, ya goof,” he smiled at you.

You nudged him with your foot. “Come on, Mell,” you said, “I thought I’d be fine.”

“You’re lucky Jeremy saw you, y’know,” he said, “I didn’t notice you crossing the street earlier, so...”

Jeremy flushed at the comment. Your gaze flickered from him back to Michael, “I thought you were driving, Michael.”

“I was!”

“Aren’t you supposed to pay attention?”

“I was!” He said again, sitting up, “you weren’t even crossing in front of me!”

“Thank god for that,” you said.

“Wh- I wouldn’t hit you!”

“That’s what they all say, Michael.” You smiled a little, “no, dude, I totally wouldn’t kill my wife, who would do that? Not me. I wouldn’t kill my wife-”

“[y/n]!” Michael poked you in the leg, “come on - I don’t think I’d be that obvious-”

“Are you seriously trying to say you’d be able to get away with that?” You said, only to notice how silent Jeremy had gone. When you looked back to him, you noticed that he had just sat there, watching you and Michael playfully bicker over his totally not real plans to murder someone. When your eyes meet his, he blinked, awkwardly smiling as he looked away and towards his phone. You barely get a glimpse of the time before you realized that your parents should be home.

So Michael drove you (and Jeremy) home at long last, leaving you to thank him a thousand times on the way there and as you got out of the car. You barely had time to wave back at him before you crossed your front lawn to get to shelter, rain pelting you the entire time as you head inside with plans to tackle your homework.

The next morning, you felt like shit. At three in the morning, you woke up with the grossest feeling taking hold of you and forcing you out of bed and to the bathroom. With a disgusting taste left in your mouth, you sank back, your senses completely muffled as you realized what had happened. Fever. Fuck. You pressed your back against the rim of the bathtub, and you breathed. Shit. Shit shit shit shit- you didn’t need to get sick. You skipped enough class as it was - this was only going to make shit worse.

You didn’t realize you passed out shortly after until your dad stumbled across you. He woke you up gently, before helping you to your feet and helping your sluggish form back to your bedroom after pressing a cold hand against your forehead. Shaking his head, he walked you to your bed, leaving the room and returning with a cup of water to leave on your nightstand. He told you that he would be at work, but that your mom would drop by during her lunch break to check on you and hopefully bring some medicine. You barely processed it before you fell back asleep.

The next time you woke up was around lunchtime. You still felt hazy and hot with fever, but the sound of your phone going off was enough to capture your attention. Michael. He had asked where you were, and you barely have enough energy to type out what you thought was just a simple “fever” - thankfully, auto-correct caught you - before you turned back over with the intent of going back to sleep. Barely ten minutes pass before your mom came in with a plastic bag in her hands, rattling off the contents of it before she felt your forehead. She told you to get some more rest. You happily obliged.

The next day, after a night of bland soup and forcing down your meds with ice cold water, you see a newly formed group chat with you, Michael, and Jeremy, poised proudly at the top of your messages.

Michael: u guys need anything or

You stared at the message. You guys? You barely have time to try and question it further when a text bubble popped up.

Jeremy: i’m good

You: what

You: you ok, jer?

Jeremy: no im sick

You: what

You: how???

Jeremy: you

Michael: jeremys being a little bitch

Michael: hes always like this when he’s sick

Michael: you need anything, [y/n]??

You: idk some good soup would be rad

You: my dad brought some gross shit last night and it sucked

You: parents got medicine.

You: send me love.

You: and tissues

Jeremy: please let me sleep

You: sorry jer

Michael: kk

Later that afternoon, the doorbell rang. You forced yourself out of bed, managing to get the front door open only to see a little plastic bag sitting right outside of it. You looked up to see Michael standing outside of his car, and you could only assume that he rushed back to his car to avoid exposure. He waved at you, only budging from his spot when you wave back at him.

Bless Michael Mell and the soup he brought you. You’d have to thank his mom. Or maybe both of them - they were both goddesses in your eyes. You only knew that Michael couldn’t cook for shit.

At midnight, you woke up again, a dull hunger restless in your stomach. You had left some soup for later, and you were fully ready to heat the rest of it up and devour it. You shoved the Tupperware bowl into the microwave, punching in a number before you swayed into the counter, leaning against it to keep yourself standing as the microwave buzzed. Strangely enough... it almost felt internal after a minute.

Then you heard it. Your own name being cooed in a voice that sent shivers and a ghost of a shock through you. Glitching in and out. You panicked. You bolted, dashing to your room to find your phone. Your hands were shaking as you went to unlock it, fucking it up the first two times before finally getting it the last. You didn’t think. You went for the first number you saw.

The moment someone picked up, you spoke. “Michael,” you said, voice caught in your throat, “shit - dude- it’s - it’s back-” You took a breath, trying to calm yourself before continuing, “just - I need the Mountain Dew Red. Please-”

You heard a distant, groggy “...what?” on the other hand as a hand fell over your own, causing you to slowly lower the phone as it appeared before you.

It stood tall as ever, eyes gentle, manipulating your senses as you swore you felt warmth from it’s hand over your’s. “We can fix this.” It said, voice quiet. Soft. Gentle. “We can start over and make everything right.”

“I...” You whimpered, attempting to take a step back. Instinctively, you dropped your phone and shut your eyes and covered your ears in an attempt to drown everything out. “No.” The word spilled past your lips once, twice, too many times as tears rolled down your cheeks.

Fingers grazed your cheek almost lovingly. “Just let me fix this, [y/n].” It said softly, almost kind, and you felt your stomach drop. “You can reboot me - just - another dose of regular Mountain Dew-”

“No,” you shook your head, “I’m - you’d-”

“I’ll fix this. I promise-”

The sound of frantic knocking at your front door was enough to force you to your feet as you rushed to answer before anyone else could wake up. “Michael-”

Jeremy stood there, soaking wet and panting like crazy as he clutched a bottle of salvation within his right hand. He straightened up a bit, holding it out to you. “Sorry - Michael, uh, gave me a few bottles as back-up so I ran-” He said.

He shut up the moment you flung your arms around him, burying your face in his chest, completely ignoring the soda he carried in favor of comfort. Just for a second. That’s all you had needed. He stiffened up underneath you as you clung to him, only for you to pull away almost immediately after.

After you took the bottle and unscrewed the cap, downing the drink with nothing with a minor headache following in it’s wake, Jeremy could only stare at you. “You... You really heard it, huh?”

You winced, breath hitching as you swayed slightly. Jeremy’s hands found your shoulders, steadying you as you looked back up at him. “I-” You started, only to stop immediately, “thank you- I’m- I’m sorry you had to run here.” You paused, “I... didn’t know it was raining, or I wouldn’t have-”

“It’s fine,” he said, letting go of you as he took a small step back. “I’m - I’m gonna head back home-”

Thunder clapped. Lightning flashed in the distance. You reached out and caught him by the wrist, “stay here.” You said, “it’s - it’s late, and... and I don’t want you walking home in the rain.”

He almost debated with you, but another growl of thunder was enough to debunk whatever argument he was formulating as he followed you inside. You locked your front door back, retreated back to your room to find some clean clothes that would hopefully fit him (thank fuck for all your baggy shit, still hidden away in your closet), and handed him a towel. The microwave chirped for what you could assume was the thousandth time, and you rushed to stop it - only to have to punch in more time. You could hear the shower running from the room over. The hum of the microwave, the smell of spices tinting the air... and you felt alive. You were there. Breathing. Heart pumping. Mind... going, at least - even if there were moments of betrayal there. You were still there, and it was strange to think about that sometimes.

The water shut off abruptly, and you pulled yourself from your thoughts as you stopped the microwave just a second before it was meant to go off. As you seated yourself at the kitchen table, Jeremy emerged and made his way over to you. He pulled out the chair nearest to you, and slowly sank into it.

“You feeling better?” You asked, looking up at him.

“I, uh, I should be asking you that.”

“You were sick too, Jeremy,” you said, “why’d you run here?”

“You sounded scared,” he shrugged, “besides - I’m better-” Immediately he was cut off by a cacophony of coughs, as he turned away from you. “I’m fine. What about-” He finally looked back at you, still embarrassed of the shades of red he’d turned, “what about you?”

You suppressed a smile. “I’m... decent.” You shrugged, “I’ve... never really seen it before tonight.”

“You haven’t?”

“Nope.” You paused, “I dunno. Maybe being sick like... weakened me or something.” After another pause, you noticed Jeremy shiver. “You can take my room, Jer. It’s warmer - I’ll just - I’ll take the couch-”

“It’s fine, [y/n] - I’ll just - I’ll sleep on the floor-”

“You are not sleeping on the floor, Jeremiah,” you feigned offense, “you are a guest! You’ll take my room and I’ll sleep on the floor-”

“You’re still sick too, y’know,” he retorted, “just - I’ll take one side of the bed if you want-”

“Fine.” You frowned as you stood, “if you insist.”

After leaving the bowl in the sink, filled with water in the classic “it has to soak” manner, you lead Jeremy to your bedroom. You snagged your phone from the floor, plugging it back into charge as you took one side of your bed - making sure to stay as close to the edge as possible while Jeremy took the other. The room was almost silent, the sound of Jeremy breathing quiet enough to merely tint the air.

Right as you started to fall asleep, you turned onto your back. “Jeremy?” You said, stifled by a yawn. When he hummed in acknowledgement, you continued, “thanks for coming here.”

You barely caught his soft, almost hesitant “yeah, uh, no problem” as you fell asleep.

#mj's writing corner #be more chill x reader #be more chill reader insert #bmc reader insert #bmc imagine #jeremy heere x reader #jeremy heere imagine

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years ago

Text

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika??????

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack... satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest

KILLUA ;_;

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_;

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^(

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique?

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS:

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao

as for this upcoming arc - ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

#excited 2 see moreeee #lj watches hxh #hxh

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lilacjaemin · 6 years ago

Text

sublatis ancoris et margarita

pairing: pirate!jeno x gender neutral reader (bulleted)

genre: fluff and angst

word count: 2.8k

summary: sublatis ancoris et margarita (latin): anchor and pearl

a/n: this is the first time ive been able to write something so easily in such a long time. this one just kinda flowed out of me. ive been in such a terrible creative rut lately. it means a lot to me that this one came together. i was very scared i was losing my ability to write. im so so proud of this one.

pirate jeno

he’s sailed for as long as he can remember

he’s pretty sure he was conceived and born on a ship

he learned to walk on the wobbly deck of his father’s boat

which resulted in him having to get his land legs, rather than the other way around

jeno was attached to the ocean

sea water ran through his veins

he came from a long line of sailors

but he wasn’t a violent pirate

the lee family wasn’t after power, and they already were wealthy

they truly just loved sailing

the art and everything that came along with it

they loved to travel the seas and visit new places

discovering new islands and finding pretty things along the way

sure, sometimes they found treasure and sold it for money

sometimes they kept the treasures for mementos

but they never fought or got into trouble

the crew was intimating enough to where they didn’t have to fight

the ship was ginormous and beautifully crafted

intricate flowers on the side

plus with 18 men onboard just to keep jeno safe and a big crew

what small boat would even go near them

they pushed themselves to travel farther, go on longer voyages, find shinier, bigger jewels

jeno loved jewels and precious stones

he loved the meaning behind them

whenever his family found them amongst the treasures, they would immediately go to jeno

pearls became his favorite

not only were they something beautiful created from something rough

but different colored pearls represented different things

some meant perfection, prosperity, love, protection, etc

he loved the idea of giving them as gifts and the look on people’s faces as he told them the symbolism

and he always carried pearls with him

once his parents had gotten older they decided to stay on land for the rest of their days

they handed the ship and crew down to jeno

now captain of The Flora

his friends adored him and the crew respected him

he didn’t think he could be happier than he was on the open ocean

from time to time in between journeys jeno would visit his family

he thought the small village where they settled down was adorable

he couldn’t find a place like it no matter where he sailed

it was a quaint island and a tight knit community

small houses and businesses lining the cobblestone streets

lanterns and candles on every corner, casting an amber glow across the whole town

at first the townspeople were afraid of him

a huge ship docked at the edge of their tiny shore, and what seemed to be at least 100 scary pirates filing off of the deck

it really was about 30 lanky men who enjoyed singing sea shanties in their free time

but jeno’s warm smile and honey like voice immediately put them at ease

kids would run out to the beach when The Flora came into view

they gravitated towards the lure of a pirate lifestyle

johnny and yukhei loved to bring the children on board and let them explore

yuta and doyoung loved to show them the bounties they brought in

renjun and donghyuck told them ghost pirate stories while kun and jaemin were there to comfort afterwards

everyone greeted the crew of The Flora with big smiles each time they entered their shops

sometimes he’d be bearing gifts, other times they would send him off with goods for his travels

although he loved the town and his parents, he could never stay away from the sea for too long

it was like it called to him

the freedom he felt was like no other

funnily enough, jeno hated anchors

anchors meant being tied down, having to pick a place to stay

the idea of being somewhere for longer than a few days made his skin crawl

that is, until he met you

you worked in the small outpost for sea trade your family owned

the little shed was tucked into the rocks by the beach

you watched every time The Flora pulled in

you hoped one day your dream of a handsome pirate would come true

but anytime one walked in they reeked of fish, had unkempt hair and stained clothes

yeah you didn't want to kiss any of those bearded faces

you thought you saw some cute boys leave the ship but you had never gone out to meet any of them

you kinda hoped they would come by instead

one day you were writing in your journal, daydreaming to the sounds of the waves you grew to love so much

someone knocked on the door to get your attention

when you looked up, you were breathless

he walked in with sun kissed skin, saltwater making his hair curly

he wore a white button up blouse with lace details at the collar and sleeves

black pants and tall, black boots

his smile was unlike anything you had ever seen

he had clean teeth!! white teeth!! who knew pirates could have nice teeth!!

and his eyes

his eyes sparkled and when he grinned at you his eyes turned into crescent moons reflecting off the water

he was beautiful

you introduced yourselves

you found yourself rolling his name over and over on your tongue quietly

little did you know he was doing the same

he showed you the few silver treasures he had hoping to sell them

among them was a small anchor pendant he had received from a blacksmith on a far away island

jeno noticed how your eyes lingered on it a little too long

his gaze moved from your awestruck expression to the journal you had been writing in when he entered

an anchor was stamped into the front of the brown leather cover

before you turned back to count up how much he would be getting, he pulled the charm back into his sleeve

“oh, how did that get in there? this isn't for sale, im sorry about that.” he mumbled

he saw your face fall slightly, as you had planned to buy it back from your father once it was the store’s

you two had a small conversation and exchanged the items for money

your hand brushed against his and his skin was dry from the salt and sun, but it still made your heart skip a beat

he bowed a little and thanked you for your kindness

you tried your hardest to wipe the longing from your face as you watched him head back to the boat

jeno entered the captain's quarters with a feeling in his chest he couldn't explain

as he began to put the money away, mark, a crew member he had known since he was little, walked by

he noticed the change in jeno immediately and asked him if he felt okay

the younger boy nodded, hoping the red on his face would be mistaken for sunburn

he made his way to his parents house, determined to find out more about you

after many questions and “no reason, just wondering” responses, jeno was even more intrigued

he made a note in his mind

new voyage, new treasure

jeno returned a few times, each time flirtier than the last

some days he didn’t even bring any treasures, visiting under the pretense of “just checking your stock”

“jeno, you’re the only ship at the island, how could we have new stock?”

“well you know, someone could've docked overnight or something...”

you two became fast friends

you loved hearing of his adventures, he just loved talking to you

now you just expected him to be there each morning

you didn't expect for him to be holding a sweet from the bakery, however

“is this okay? we've never talked about our favorite foods and i didn't know what to get you but if not i can go back-”

“jeno, it’s perfect.”

each time you interrupted his rambles you loved to watch his furrowed brows smooth out and see his mouth pull up in a grin

he was always worried he was doing something wrong

but you were always there to reassure him

one morning, he arrived surprised to find you asleep on the counter

he smiled, taking in your features

he hesitantly raised his hand to push your hair away from your face, hoping not to startle you

as his fingertips brushed your cheek, he heard the message loud and clear ringing between his ears

you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on

you woke up to jeno staring down at you

lovingly?

he apologized profusely for waking you

you explained profusely that it was okay

he cleared his throat

"i was wondering if i could see you,” he started

“like, see you somewhere other than your job. maybe i could take you out tonight,”

your heart thumped against your ribs

“i mean only if you’d like to,” he scratched the back of his neck, realizing this was a little sudden considering you just woke up

“and it would seem a little weird if a scary pirate took you on his ship for the night and i dont want your family to freak out, so do you know of a place we could go? only if you want to-”

“jeno, i do.”

his face lit up like the summer sun

“you do?”

it took all of his self control to not hug you right then and there

“i do, and i know just the place we can go.”

jeno glowed all day

that night as the sun dipped below the horizon you led jeno to the top of the rocks above your outpost

you two talked under the stars for hours

you didn't leave until you knew you were barely gonna be able to function at work the next day

you felt a light in your chest that wasn't there before

jeno became a part of your routine

he’d greet you each morning, go off to do “pirate business” as he put it, and meet you at your spot each night

you found yourself opening up to this “intimidating” pirate and questioned if this was the right thing to do

soon it became impossible to watch the night sky without holding him

he’d tuck you under his chin and you'd wrap your arms around his waist

your ear pressed to his chest gave you your new favorite sound

the waves were drowned out by his heartbeat and the vibrations of his voice

just having him near felt warm and safe and right

he wasnt scary, or anything like anyone you'd met before

he was just jeno

jeno with sun dried skin and soft moon eyes and lips you desperately wanted to know the taste of

jeno with incredible stories of islands and treasure that you desperately wanted to be a part of

but what was scary was falling for him so quickly

“im so sorry,” he whispered into your hair one night

you felt your eyes shut, knowing what was coming, expecting it

you knew he was a traveler, you couldn't take that away from him

you would be an anchor

a burden

he had already stayed on your island for a month, he was going to have to go back out eventually

and it would hurt both of you

you couldn't leave home forever

and he couldn't stay forever

you began to push him away

you would say hi in the mornings and leave your spot early on into the nights

you'd force yourself to get out of his grasp and trudge away with a heavy weight on your shoulders

and jeno swore he could hear his heart break in his chest

when he watched you come up with excuses to leave the rocks each night he wished on every star in the sky that things would be okay

he knew what you were doing, and it was terrifying

for the first time in his life, brave pirate jeno was afraid of something

losing you

you pushed him away night after night, closing yourself off to him

you wouldn't let him hold you close, you barely spoke

‘just until he leaves,’ you kept telling yourself, ‘once he's gone it’ll be easy to forget him’

the night before his ship was scheduled to go, he was already at your spot when you arrived

jeno waited until you sat down beside him, staring off at the water as he spoke

“i've never had a home,” he started

‘this was it,’ you thought, ‘he’s gonna sail away and take my heart with him’

“ive traveled all over the ocean. ive stopped at countless places. ive met so many people,”

“ive never had a home. ive never wanted to stay anywhere for more than a few weeks. there never was any reason to,”

‘here it comes’ you felt like you were going to fall and tumble into the sea below

he turned to face you, a look written across his features you've never seen before

“you are my home.”

what?

you waited, not realizing you were holding your breath until he began again

“you are my home. home isn't a place, its a person, a feeling. and i would stay anywhere if it meant being with you. i would stay forever if forever was in your arms.”

“jeno-”

“please hear me out.” his voice cracked with an emotion you couldn't pin, fear? urgency?

“i know its unfair. its unfair that i did this to you. i leave. i fell for you and forgot that leaving is what i do. i cant ask you to come with me. but if you want me to stay, id give the ship to one of my men and stay right here with you.”

“jeno you-”

“please let me finish.”

“ive been attacked by other pirates, ive been on a sinking ship, ive sailed through shark infested water, but ive never been as scared as i am right now.”

he picked up your hand and placed it over his heart

it was beating just as fast as yours

“you are the greatest treasure i could ever find. i love you and i would be foolish to leave you on this island in search of more silver cups or red rubies-”

you pulled on his shirt and brought his mouth to yours

his lips were chapped but they tasted of coconut

they were warm against your own

he moved slowly, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek

his other hand found yours resting against his chest

the rhythm of your kiss matching that of the waves kissing the shoreline

“jeno-” you whispered against him, pulling away just enough to see into his eyes

“i can’t ask you to give up sailing, but i love you too much to let you go. i can wait for you. i can stay here and be yours, and you can be mine, and when you come home ill still be yours. ill always be yours. i can-”

this time it was his turn to quiet your rambling

he pushed you to lay back onto the rock and pressed open mouth kisses to different parts of your lips

he kissed you for what felt like hours, until your lips were puffy and red and you two were breathless

he helped you sit up and then he rested his forehead on yours

“i have something for you.”

you couldn't imagine how he could make your heart happier than it already was

he reached into his pocket and placed his hand inside yours, depositing the small anchor pendant into your palms

it was on a beautiful silver chain, and when you examined it closely, there were now two small pearls on the tips of the anchor

“the black pearl represents protection,” jeno opened the clasp to place it around your neck, “i will always keep you safe.”

you turned around and felt yourself shiver

at his words or his breath against your skin you didn't know

“the blue pearl symbolizes true love.” he said into the shell of your ear, pressing a small kiss to it

he held you until the sunrise, falling asleep to the sound of your heart

when he woke the next morning, you were still there, fingers intertwined with his

he knew you'd always be there

you always were there

you sent jeno off with a full heart and the taste of coconut lingering in your mouth

but you knew he’d be back

he always came back

anytime you missed him you touched your necklace

anytime he missed you he would write you letters in your brown leather notebook

sometimes he took you on small trips to nearby islands and you got to watch your boyfriend in action

you became his pearl, his greatest treasure

and when The Flora did return from voyages, the kids still lined up, the townspeople still smiled, and you still felt your heart race

jeno, a little sunburnt and homesick? yes, but leaving?

never

you also became his anchor, but it wasn’t such a terrible thing to stop and stay for a little while

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strawberryspeachy · 5 years ago

Text

So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

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assassinacahq · 6 years ago

Note

Limbs of faith by Beauvois might be a good prompt for a fic - ive always seen it as a tddk song but i dont mind any ship

(This song is amazing holycrap can’t believe i never heard it before) #slight angst, #tododeku

‘Hi, it’s Midoriya! You’ve caught my voicemail. Sorry that I couldn’t make it in time, but I’ll be sure to call you back, promise! Okay…bye!’

Staring at the ceiling with the phone pressed to his face, Todoroki felt his sloppy mind halt to a crushing pause. He knew he shouldn’t have called. He didn’t even know why he let his heart convince his brain that this was a good idea. Maybe it was the two hours of sleep he got after seeing him. Then again, his poor decision making probably stemmed from the gin and coke on his nightstand. The beep from the other end of the phone made his thinking stop, as he realized he should be lying something, anything. Not knowing what to say or even how to say it, he paused, before letting his mind wander.

“It feels wrong for me to call you Midoriya. I..I know I shouldn’t, but I want to call you Izuku, I hope you don’t mind…”

Covering his eyes with his arm, Todoroki sighed as he tried to grab at one of the many thoughts in his jumbled mind. The next time I see Denki he’s going to pay for getting me drunk. He thought as he imagined what his headache was going to be like in the morning.

“I think it’s my fault,” he finally said. “You know… I don’t remember who stopped talking to who, but I think I messed it up somehow.”

Todoroki didn’t see himself as a person who grieved. Even as a child he rarely cried, and he guessed that way of being carried over to adulthood. However, after he drifted away from Izuku, he think he felt something close to that emotion.

At sixteen, he never knew the limits of his heart. Who could blame him? Despite the ‘maturity’ he seemed to have at that age, he absolutely failed at understanding what the word love actually meant. He tried so hard to figure out what it meant. He had even went as far to ask his sister about it at one point, but even she was confused on the subject. So, like any other teenager, he thought he could find out what it meant on his own. For the longest he thought that maybe he just didn’t deserve it, which for a time, explained why he never understood it. However, that slowly began to change when Midoriya squeezed his way into Todoroki’s life.

“…I think you broke up with me though. Because I’d never break up with you. That part always confused me.” Todoroki rolled onto his side causing an empty bottle to knock against carpeted floor, “Everyone says that people who breakup with other people without actually talking to them in person are awful. So, that would mean that you’re awful, but…you’re not…so…what happened?”

His mind drifted to back then, when things were nicer. Todoroki remembered when Izuku would look at him, and it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from his lungs. He thought of all the times they held hands, fought beside one another, or even stayed up past sunrise together. A bittersweet smile stretched across his face as he fought back the emotions that wanted to pour from his eyes. “Did you not know?”

Had he been the only one falling all that time? He had thought that they were moving slow, finding their own pace. Getting a handle on what it meant to be in a relationship, together. At that time, Todoroki knew he had things to work out, mentally and emotionally. There were a lot of things, like his relationship with his parents, that he needed to work out before getting into anything too serious. Izuku had helped him through all of that, and even stuck around to help him through even more.

“I saw you the other day,” his breathing was choppy as he tried to hold himself together. “I don’t think you saw me, but you were standing in line at Gristides, of all places, and…and I wanted to do so many things at that moment. But, all I could do was stand there and hope you didn’t see me, as you walked out of my life, again.”

They were strangers now.

The words alone were enough to make Todoroki choke. In his dreams they were married, then came the kids… Now Izuku was his ex and he’s supposed to be okay with that. Well he’s not. He wants him back.

“I never thought we were only friends…” he said, just as his message ended.

‘If you’d like to listen to your message press the star button.’ There’s a pause and he felt himself unraveling in the silence.

‘beep beep beep’

Dropping the phone onto his comforter, Todoroki curled in on himself as he stared at the smartphone. He would describe his heartache like the music of a great orchestra. At times it was quiet and allowed him to function, at other times the violins would play and he would be sad, then at other times it would rise to a crescendo and the anger would burst from his chest in a vicious shout of anguish. Right now there was a flute playing and he was able to remember Izuku with fondness, as masochistic as it sounded, he liked this feeling better than any other.

He’s halfway asleep when his phone shook beside his head. Blinking a tear-filled eyes open, his heartbeat skyrocketed at the name on the screen.

‘Incoming Call

Izuku Midoriya’

#tododeku

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stedebonnit · 7 years ago

Text

can’t get this out of my head

OK so whatever BTS ends maybe I dont really know but then it ends with chloe and rachel together on the Blackwell campus and they take a picture together and then it freezes on the photo and slowly zooms out and Chloe is holding it because she just dug it out of the back of her truck or on her old phone or something and she and max are looking at it and chloe is smiling but max isnt and chloe is like "what's wrong"

And max pauses then says "I was there"

"What?"

"I was there. That day. There was a blackwell campus tour for students who were considering attending. They had just announced Jefferson would be starting in the fall so i begged my parents to let me come."

"OK but why does that-"

"I could go back."

"What?"

"I could go back there."

"I could change everything. I could... I could save rachel."

"Wait but i thought you had to be in the photo.. How would you-"

Max points to a group of people in the background of the photo. Max’s head is just barely visible in the crowd. Chloe closes her mouth, speechless for the first time.

Silence sits with them for a moment before max speaks up again

"I dont know if it would solve anything. We hadn't reunited yet you might not even..."

"Max, i will always believe you."

"The storm would probably still-"

"We've fought the storm once... We can do it again."

They both pause and smile.

"You can finally meet rachel." Chloe says softly. Max smiles and nods, taking Chloe's hand. "That is... If she hadnt already given up on me..."

"She never gave up on you, Chloe. Frank, Jefferson, they were adults who had so much to offer in her eyes."

"But she loved him. Frank I mean. Jefferson too... Before he..."

"But she loved you first. I dont think she ever stopped."

Chloe looks down, pulling her hand away.

"We don't have to... If you don't want..." Max says softly

"No. We have to try, max. Even if it means getting to see you one more time before all of this. If it means you meeting rachel... We have to try."

Max smiles and takes the photo in both hands, beginning to focus her eyes.

"Wait." Chloe says, breaking Max's concentration. "Before we do this I... I want you to know that having you is enough. I mean, of course I want rachel back with us but... If it doesn't work.. Or even if it does i need you to know that having you is enough for me. And this is as much your decision as it is mine."

Max smiles softly, once again taking chloes hand.

"I know." She says.

Before she can say anything else chloe releases maxs hand and reaches to her neck, pulling off her necklace and carefully wrapping it around Max’s hand.

"For luck." She says softly. Max leans in and softly kisses Chloe. When they finally break apart the only further goodbye they need is a simple nod before max focus once more on the photo, quickly finding herself being pulled through the photo.

***

Max opens her eyes to find herself on the blackwell campus. She's younger, but sporting the same tshirt and jeans pairing as always. Shes in the middle of a crowd of potential students. She quickly recognizes a hopeful looking kate among many unfamiliar faces. Her parents stand on either side of her. Max prepares to break free of the crowd when she notices something tucked in her fingers. She open her hand to find Chloe’s necklace wrapped gently around her fingers.

“Like it’s meant to be…” Max mutters softly to herself. But she doesnt have time to think about this. Max quickly pushes her way through the crowd, breaking out of the tour guides slow droning speech about blackwells history. She looks around briefly before spotting them: two girls, one with shoulder length dirty blonde hair and the other with freshly dyed bright blue, both admiring the photo they had just taken. Laughing.

It takes max a second to compose herself. Seeing Chloe so happy... Laughing, standing shoulder to shoulder with rachel. Beautiful Rachel. Even more beautiful than she had been in photos. Every aspect of her from the way she dresses to the way she holds herself screams confidence. The way she leans against Chloe protectively as though she would do anything for the blue haired punk. Everything about them screams "More than friends."

Quickly max is able to overcome her shock as she breaks into a run towards them. As soon as shes behind them she reaches up her hand and gently taps Chloe on the shoulder. Chloe huffs as she begins to turn

"Im allowed on the blackwell campus as long as im in the company of a--- max?!"

Rachel turns now too, her blonde hair falling from behind her ear.

"Who... Wait... THE max?" Rachel says, her green eyes squinting in distain.

"Max Caulfeild, former pirate. Rachel amber, right?" Max says, beaming as she offers her hand. Rachel takes it and offers one confused shake. Its clear that rachel hates her. But it doesnt matter. If anything it makes maxs smile grow. Rachel really did love chloe. Just the way she steps forward, as though shes prepared to take a bullet for her...

Max turns away from rachel and pulls chloe into a tight hug. Chloe hesitates before gently patting max on the back. When she pulls away, chloes confusion only grows.

"How do you know rachel? And what are you doing here?"

"Campus tour.. Going to Blackwell... Its a long story..."

Rachel cuts in

"Chloe I thought she never texted you back… how does she know me? Is she stalking us?”

"-she didnt... I dont think she's stalking us..."

"You have to listen. Chloe, rachel, i dont have much time. Its a long story. You know mark Jefferson?"

Rachel lights up momentarily "the photographer? I heard he's coming to blackwell and-"

"-rachel has a crush on him" chloe retorts

"Come on chloe, you know you’re the only i have eyes for." She leans in and kisses chloe. Max feels her stomach drop momentarily. She had suspected rachel and chloe had been more than friends, but chloe had never been willing to talk about it. What if max fixes everything only to be left without chloe?

It doesn’t matter. saving rachel is more important.

"Mark jefferson is insane and dangerous... And...god... i dont know how to explain this to you but... Rachel, mark jefferson is going to kill you. Well, nathan prescott will kill you... Jefferson covers it up. And chloe you wont know this... For a long time. Youll search for her tirelessly... And eventually ill.. Ill come back. Ill come back and help you search and... God, im sorry, im so sorry but we find her body."

"Okay what the HELL is going on here?" Rachel says angrily, pulling Chloe away

"Wait." Chloe says softly, causing maxs heart to leap.

"Youre not telling me you believe this insanity."

"That necklace... Max that's my necklace. Ive worn in every day since rachel gave it to me... I would never give it away unless-"

Max holds up the necklace wrapped around her fingers for both girls to see.

"You gave it to me. Chloe, ive watched you die so many times but i saved you... And I need to save you again. One more time. I need to save you by saving her because.. I know i abandoned you. I was wrong, chloe, but i want to make it right. Because one day you and i will love each other. SO much. With everything we have. And even now, you still love rachel. A long time from now. You never stop loving her just like ill never stop loving you. So please. Let me save you one more time. I can take you both away from here. We can run. To LA, or even back to seattle…it doesn’t matter, but we can get far away from here. My parents have a car, you have a truck, it doesnt matter how we do it. But we can run. The three of us, together. Away from Jefferson, away from the storm and the pain and-" max is tearing up now, she hadnt even noticed taking hold of chloes hand.

"Youre not an actor by chance, are you?" Rachel cuts in, a little bit of her initial protectiveness melting away.

"Ive never been good at acting." Max says softly.

"I think we should go." Rachel says. Chloes looks up at her

"Really?"

"I have a feeling... Like the feeling i had that first night at the firewalk concert.. Like... Like its…”

"Destiny." Chloe cuts in, grinning.

Max beams up at them.

"I have to tell you... I wont remember this conversation when its over... Youll have to explain this all to me...but i promise to believe you. Ill always believe you."

Chloe beams and takes both girls hands, the three of them run towards the parking lot and the picture fades.

***

a photo of chloe and david fighting burns and is replaced with A photo featuring max, chloe and rachel in the back of chloes truck. Max is confused as chloe and Rachel explain to her whats happening.

***

A picture of rachel and jefferson meeting on Blackwell campus burns and is replaced with a picture of the three girls curled up, sleeping in the back seat with a small town surrounding them.

***

Picture of chloe looking at a phone with no replies from max burns and is replaced with a photo of the girls driving by the LA sign

***

A picture of chloe and nathan in the bathroom burns and is replaced with a picture of rachel modeling for a magazine cover

***

A picture of chloe and max finding rachels body burns and is replaced with a picture of the girls admiring Max’s photos in a gallery

***

A picture of max and chloe going up to the lighthouse during the storm burns and is replaced with a picture of max and chloe holding each other while reading a newpaper about the storm.

***

Finally it flashes to chloe, max and rachel in an apartment. Max and rachel are cuddled up on the couch while Chloe cooks food.

"Listen, i get that youre both the ones bringing in the big bucks but that doesnt mean i dont deserve a cuddle too." Chloe says, placing the bacon onto a plate with eggs and carrying it over to the table in front of the girls. Rachel releases max and taps the spot on the couch beside her. Chloe scoots in closely and rachel kisses her hard. Max curls in and kisses rachels cheek before leaning across her to kiss chloe.

"Thank you for breakfast, babe. Youre a great housewife." Rachel teases, max laughs.

"Max you look different are you..."

"Wait, it’s today isnt it?" Rachel cuts in. Chloe looks confused for a moment before it dawns on her

"Mad max, youre back arent you? The real you?" Max nods happily.

"Its about time" rachel says, nudging max teasingly

"I guess we have a lot of explaining to do.." Chloe says. The scene zooms out on Chloe and rachel speaking to max, laughing. It continues to zoom out to their apartment high up with a view of the ocean and the hollywood sign in the distance.

The scene fades to black.

~fin~

#life is strange #lis #lis:bts #life is strange before the storm #life is strange: before the storm #long post for ts #amberprice #pricefield #amberpricefield

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pokefanbri · 4 years ago

Text

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

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