#i mean old white dudes ARE scary

[k8-marsh]

songs that sound like chloe price sung them

okay so (naturally) i have playlists for most life is strange characters and i found a bunch of songs that sound like chloe sung them! :) it sounds more like her voice in 'before the storm' (rhianna devries) if anyone is interested. so yeah! i just thought it was cool! a lot of the songs also really suit chloe in their lyrics/genre too ^^

also i added photos to help you. visualise. hope you enjoy.

Sorority Girls - Mommy Long Legs

this one is so very chloe, especially with her hate for the vortex club (more specifically, victoria and nathan)

Hey, hey, hey, boys, let's go to the frat party The theme's white people, get your roofies ready Shoot their parent's money away And act like assholes every day!!!

I Threw Glass at My Friend's Eyes and Now I'm on Probation - Destroy Boys

honestly, for all of these songs the entire song sounds like her! this whole album in particular 'Sorry, Mom' is very chloe.

anyway i think this song could kinda be about chloe and frank ;

'Cause you're scary as shit, dude! Like I don't know really know what I can tell you You kinda freak me out, but we can be friends

Never invite me over ever again Just kidding, please do! I really wanna hangout with you

obviously NOT in a relationship way but frank was definitely a bad influence on chloe and someone she kinda looked up to. so i think it kinda fits!

Duck Eat Duck World - Destroy Boys (again)

okay... i'm about to put the whole album at this point, the singer's old voice really sounds like chloe!!!

this song seems like other people's criticisms of chloe;

Ever since you cut your hair You're so different, you don't seem to care Staying out late, X's on hands Since when do you like punk rock bands?

then this verse kinda seems like chloe talking about max leaving her -

I liked the girl with the long locks What's her name? I forgot Ten years and we haven't talked Well, there's a new girl on the block

and the 'new girl' is rachel!

Green eyes leaning in on me Green eyes, am I what you wanna see?

guess who has green eyes... that's right guys. rachel amber. are you seeing these links or what.

this analysis isn't, like, that i think that the artists wrote these songs about chloe, i just love thinking about songs in terms of chloe. as you can tell.

A few other songs from the same album that match chloe with their lyrics:

No Respect - chloe criticizing david!

You don't own everything I've been here for years Stop meddling in my affairs and I'll stop middling yours Get out of my face Such a typical dude Thinking that every tiny little thing is just about you

Goldilocks Spot

This one is kinda sad/subdued. I think this suits Before the Storm Chloe too, i mean she went through a LOT of shit.

My handwriting kind of looks like my dad's Tell me your story, it won't make me sad

...

I don't wanna talk about it anymore I don't wanna talk about it anymore I don't wanna talk about it anymore I don't wanna talk about it anymore So I won't

Junk

The title just gives me junkyard vibes, which is totally relevant to chloe :)

My car exhaust clinging to the base Shiny and lost with onion ring remains Precious flowers lost within the hour I guess you can say they were written to decay

Long and gone Long and gone, long and gone, long and gone Lost my junk again Lost my junk again

B.F.F (Actually from a later album!)

This reminds me of Chloe's breakdown in the junkyard. you know when she just started smashing everything. you can draw a correlation (fancy) between the title and max...

Nails through my baseball bat I'm telling you to step back girl, step back You're dead, you're dust, you're sewage now (< william!!!) You dug your grave and then you asked me how

edit: you thought i was done? absolutely not. i completely forgot about ashly burch's songs!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAa.... okay. these are usually covers/parts of a show or play so they don't have as deep meaning. but obviously i'll find a way to relate it to chloe.

(Cover) Black Sheep by Metric

I love the second video so much, it's animated by this totally awesome dude on reddit (https://www.reddit.com/r/lifeisstrange/comments/3nzxhc/animation_of_chloe_price_ashly_burch_singing/) but the video is private so I attached a different youtube link in case anyone wants to watch it.

Who's The Princess Now? (from Muzzled: The Musical)

The scream of 'who's the princess now, BITCHES??" is... very chloe to me. a little context, this song is from a very peculiar youtube musical episode series thing that ashly burch stars in, i watched it a few years ago and it's definitely something. it's actually got a bunch of popular youtube-musical people (like Joey Richter from Starkid) if anyone's interested. you can watch it here!

Song Battle (...also from Muzzled: The Musical)

okay. so for some reason i really love imagining chloe having a rap battle against victoria for this. someone please make it into an animatic. maybe i will.

How Do I Look? (you'll never guess where this one is from...)

i can also imagine chloe having a sick makeover and like chloe and rachel helping her. or something like that... anyways. rad.

Anyways. That's it for now, i hope anyone who remotely wanted this enjoyed it!!! i hope it helped if you wanted to create a playlist or animatic or anything or just have a little chuckle.... um. please let me know if you have any more ideas because my chloe playlist can never be long enough.

[essentiallyleaf]

day 12. praise kink. with. choerry.

944 words.

tags.

kinktober ‘23, idol x female reader, praise kink, pet names, public masturbation, oral sex, squirting, welcome to fluff central.

notes.

just trying something out. a permanent state of being at this point. exploratively, leaf.

It was the first time she tried ice skating, that day. A regular Saturday morning at the mall, wearing layers upon layers just to end up feeling way too hot. As regular as any day spent with Yerim can be. Her favorite part was when she was holding onto the barrier for dear life, but you managed to push her off of it a handful of times. Anytime you did, you helped her precarious balance by guiding her with your hands in hers, or on her waist. That was your favorite part.

“So, how was it? Did you like it?”

“I fell fourteen times, dude! I managed to fall as I was reaching for the cup of coffee you were giving me, and I was standing still! What do you think?” She said while laughing enthusiastically.

She didn’t like it at all, and she had the time of her life.

“I think you did great”

-

“How about you take me on a real date?”

“A what?”

“You know what they say about Paris…”

“That for each person there’s two rats?”

“That it’s the city of- wait, WHAT?”

She dragged you to a terrace bar in Montmartre, the sun was just setting, blues and oranges meeting on the roofs from the Sacré-Cœur down to the Louvre, giving the city a slightly wistful aura (it was hella expensive, but what isn’t, there? Plus, you’re okay splurging, if it’s for Yerim). It wasn’t sad, it was just cool, and dreamy. It was romantic. A postcard-worthy place to share your first kiss. It wasn’t for your first, but for your fourth that she asked a local to take a picture of it. It felt very awkward, both of you were laughing the whole time.

“Sorry if I taste like alcohol”

She usually doesn’t drink, so she felt really self-conscious about it. You found that endearing. The flavor had a deep cerise, leaning purple tint and resembled some kind of fruit, you couldn’t really pinpoint which.

“You taste like heaven”

-

You went to the lake together for a weekend trip in April. You convinced her to go on a hike on the first day (“You said there wouldn’t be any scary cliffs!” “Come on, it’s barely even a drop, you can do it! Just take my hand!” “You ugly liar!” “I am only one of those two, and you know which”; she always falls for stupid flirty lines like that), she was so tired at the end of it, so she decided that both of you would spend the next day relaxing. Relaxing ended up meaning hiding behind a large tree near the hotel and raising her cute white long flowery dress to her waist for you to finger her while your tongues met.

“You can stay silent while we do this, right?”

“Uhm…”

“Want a hand?”

“Yes, please…”

You put your other hand on her mouth and started sucking down her clavicle to her cleavage as you picked up the pace. She kept whimpering the whole time and even let a high pitched scream into your palm as she came. In the (very real) event that someone heard her, at least they had the decency to not show that.

“You did amazing, baby”

She really didn’t. Old couples kept looking sideways at the two of you for the rest of the day, and you had the feeling it wasn’t just because you were a lesbian couple in the conservative countryside. But you know she needed to hear that.

-

She likes putting make-up on even when she’s staying home; she says she finds it fun, at some point both of you silently acknowledged that she also just wants to look good for you. And God, does she look beautiful with that exaggerated orange-pink blush on her cheeks. Or, actually, maybe it was just the wine that gave her face that amazing glow. You couldn’t really tell, you also had your fair share of glasses. You also don’t remember much of what happened before that sexy blush-tinted face found itself between your legs and was hit by a couple of little squirts as Yerim brought you to orgasm only using her tongue. What you do remember, is that all you wanted after that was to reciprocate the favor.

“Thank you, thank you so much, baby,” you panted out. “So good for me, that was so good”

“Hehe~”

The time of her life. This time though, with that slutty make-up, girl cum dripping from her features, it looked lewd.

“Now just lay back on the couch and stay still, honey, you don’t have to do anything else, okay?”

“Okayy~”

“Nice and cozy, just be my good girl and relax, yeah?”

She could only moan back as soon as you started eating her out. You couldn’t just give up on talking altogether though, so you compensated for the lack of oral stimulation with your fingers anytime you detached your lips from her core.

“Are you close, sunshine?”

Her adorable little whiny noises answered for her.

“Then I need you to do one thing for me, hm? Just one thing. I need you to let it go and cum for me, don’t restrain, sweetie”

When she cums, it’s a hurricane. Of spasms, screams, and sprays of transparent liquid coming your way.

“Yes, baby, so good. Let it all out, my baby cherry.” That’s what she tasted like. “My perfect baby cherry. Come here”

You surrounded her in a warm embrace and covered the two of you with her oversized zip-up hoodie. As you kissed her blushed cheek, Yerim looked like she was already asleep.

“You did awesome, cherry girl. You are so perfect”

-

footnotes.

sorry for bad dialogue. cheesily, leaf.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

MDZS AU in which Mo Xuanyu is a severely bullied queer kid but nobody is willing to help him in any way because his bullies are stinking rich, sponsors of the fancy rich kid school and also some are even his cousins.

He's at his wits' end and downright suicidal when he stumbles upon this page online about summoning demons and selling your soul to them in exchange for something (kind of like Death Girl)

Except you have to call onto specific demons or nobody will answer the summoning

So Mo Xuanyu goes onto a dark, caffeine-fueled rabbithole of mythology and demonology for a few days and nights until he finds the legend of the fearsome evil Yiling Patriarch

Dude sounds unhinged enough, the flute playing is a thing they have in common (even if MXY's shitty aunt pulled him out of his flute classes a while ago due to "financial issues") and apparently people rumor he was gay for some Lightbringer guy.

Perfect.

So Mo Xuanyu prepares the ritual and... nothing happens. He's so angry and disillusioned he's about to take his own life in frustration because not even this worked, nothing does, he'll be bullied and abused forever - but then, out of black smoke, finally emerges nome other than the scary Yiling Patriarch, only he's a bit... disheveled? And has a white ribbon around one of his hands??

"What is it, kid?"

"...y-y-you're the Yiling Patriarch...?!"

"In the flesh... err, kind of. Anyway, what do you want with me?"

"In a moment, but, um, why did it take you so long to show up??"

Mo Xuanyu swears the Yiling Patriarch turns red a little. "I was... busy! Underworld stuff, very important. So now care to tell me why you had to just pull me out of that super important stuff?"

"Iwantyoutokillmybullies!"

"Slower, kid, I am like 15 centuries old, my hearing isn't the best anymore."

"I want you to kill my bullies... i'll give you my soul in return!"

The Yiling Patriarch sighs softly and pats the kid's head. "Your soul is very precious, kid. Don't give it up just like that."

Mo Xuanyu screams, frustrated tears in his eyes. "I'm not! I've been bullied and abused all my life and I'm so tired of it! I want them all to pay! So take my soul and do it! That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it?!"

"You'll die in 10 years if I take your soul as payment. Do you really not think you'll want to live in 10 years?"

"No! There's nothing in this world for me! Everyone hates me and I hate everyone and everything in it! If you don't take my soul, I'll just kill myself anyway!"

"Hm..." and the Yiling Patriarch takes a few seconds to think. "... how about this? We make a deal but not for your soul. I'll help you with the bullies thing pro bono, no payment, and then I'll come see you in 10 years. If you still want to die, I'll take your soul. If not, consider my help just some random act of kindness."

"Why would a demon be kind??"

"I am not exactly a demon per se. Complicated stuff. Anyway, you in or not?"

"What the hell, let's do it!"

Next day, Mo Xuanyu's bullies wait for him in front of the school gates ready to taunt him and beat him up again.

Except he rolls up in a black Lambo with two super buff looking guys that he calls "uncle Wei Ying" and "uncle Lan Zhan" that see him off to class - before uncle Wei Ying puts a very friendly hand on one of the bullies' shoulders and only slightly lowers his sunglasses so his red eyes shine.

"I'm a really nice guy so I'll warn you. Once. Mess with Mo Xuanyu again and I'll make sure it's the last thing you do." And he smiles a fanged smile. "Or I'll let my husband turn you into a memory. He's very good with his sword and I mean that literally."

"H-H-Husband?!"

"What, any problem with that?"

"No sir you two are an amazing couple!!"

Mo Xuanyu's bullies not only leave him alone but also transfer schools to the other side of the country. Their donations to the school are now replaced with Mo Xuanyu's "uncles" support and so nobody is impacted.

And this is the story of how Mo Xuanyu was adopted by two demon king husbands.

[too-many-fandoms-tbh]

STRESS RELIEVER

CARMEN BERZZATO SMUT

(carmen x fem!reader)

warnings : SMUT, p in v, oral (m! receiving), rough sex, dom!carmen, bratty/stubborn!reader, fingering, kitchen sex, dirty talk

y/n sat on the counter, picking out the dirt from out of her fingernails. she'd just finished cleaning all of the tables, and she thought she was the only one left in the restaurant, but when she went to clean the kitchen, she found carmen still there. he was scraping burnt remains off of a pan and into the trash, and from where she sat, she could see his muscles flexing from the angry efforts.

he continued to scrape, eventually finishing and slamming the pan onto a different counter with a loud crash. she didn't mean to, but the next thing she knew, y/n was laughing. she liked seeing him so angry at nothing, it was relieving to know that he wasn't so perfect.

"the fuck are you laughing at?" he demanded, whipping around. he hadn't noticed she entered the kitchen, for he thought she'd went home already.

"nothing," she smirked. he walked closer to her, washing his hands off in the sink a couple inches away from her thigh. "it's fun to watch you get all worked up over nothing."

"fuck you." he spat, turning the water off and wiping his hands on his pants to dry them. she laughed again and he turned to glare at her. "and you can't be sitting on the counter, it's unsanitary."

y/n scoffed; the whole place was unsanitary. "oh, yeah? what are you gonna do about it?"

carmen froze in his spot. he stepped even closer to her, his veined hands on either side of her thighs. fuck, he was hot. "you know, carmy," her voice was still smug, though her breathing was slightly heavier than usual. "you need to relieve some stress. you look like a mess, dude."

"i am not stressed." he said through grit teeth.

"oh really?" she rose her eyebrows. she took her right hand and brought it up to his face, poking at the protruding veins on his forehead. "than what are these?"

"stop it!" he said, face red. he grabbed her wrist tightly, slamming it down and away from his face. he didn't let go, but instead held it there, a challenging glare on his face. maybe it was because she was tired, or maybe it was the fact that the last guy she'd fucked was old enough to be her dad, but she felt herself squeezing her thighs together. something about his aggression wasn't scary, but instead, arousing.

it seemed her action hadn't gone unnoticed, and when she looked down, there was a tent growing in his pants. she barely had enough time to smirk before their lips crashed together. she could still taste the faint flavor of chocolate cake that lingered on in his mouth. he bit at her bottom lip and y/n gasped, allowing carmen to dominate the kiss.

"fuck," he pulled away to catch his breath. his hands were in tight fists on the counter, and she could tell by his tone that he hadn't relaxed one bit. "we really doing this?"

y/n didn't respond but instead tore off her shirt, her bra following quickly next. carmen took the hint and tore off his white t-shirt, the three garments of clothing being thrown onto an empty shelf. "shit.." carmen exhaled. "you're-"

"don't bother," she said, hands clasping around his neck and bringing him closer. "i know you're angry, carmy, so let me feel it."

carmen's bright blue eyes pierced into hers, but she didn't back down. the next thing she knew his hands were on her body, gripping her waist as if she was going to run away. their lips collided again and she let her hands wander, running them up and down his muscled arms and twirling her fingers in the ends of his hair. at the same time, his hands ventured up to cup her breasts, squeezing the bulbs of flesh and pinching the hardened buds at the end.

she pulled away with a shaky breath, her jaw slack as her chest heaved. his lips trailed down her jawline and to her neck, where he bit at the soft skin before soothing the marks with his tongue. when his lips latched around her sweet spot, she let out a sputtered moan, tugging on his curls.

he smirked at her, moving his lips down to take her nipple into his mouth. she shuddered, fingers uncurling from his hair and moving back down his torso. he switched breasts, and at the same time, her fingers came across the waistband of his jeans. he wasn't wearing a belt, so she undid the button and zipper, watching as the pants slid down his legs and pooled around his ankles. she could see his cock straining in his boxers.

she was rubbing her thighs together as harshly as she could, desperate for any sort of friction to relieve the throbbing ache in her core. carmen's fingers dug into her waist as his lips made their way up again to hers, their tongues in a never ending battle for dominance.

suddenly, y/n palmed carmen through his boxers. he groaned, fingers tightening almost painfully on her bare waist. his grip tightened even more and he pulled away. as he did so, he pulled her forwards. she slipped off of the counter, landing on shaky legs.

"what are you-" her words got cut off when he turned her around. she gasped, holding onto the counter in front of her for support. she could feel him behind her, and she looked over her shoulder to watch as his hands grabbed her shorts. she nodded and he pulled them off, her underwear coming off in the same yank. cool air flooded her core and she closed her legs, a shaky exhale escaping her lips.

carmen tsked behind her, calloused hands running over the flesh of her ass and squeezing it. suddenly, his hands slipped between her thighs, and he yanked her legs apart. she bit her lip as she felt his hand venture through her folds. a deep laugh came from his mouth as he collected her wetness, smearing it on her ass afterwards. "all of this for me? thought you hated me, y/n."

"i do," she said, narrowing her eyes at him over her shoulder. "but that's never stopped anyone before."

carmen continued teasing her folds before inserting two fingers into her at once. she whined, bucking her hips against him. her arousal soaked his fingers as she rode them, circling her hips against him. his other hand snaked around her body, first fiddling with her breasts and then moving downwards towards her clit.

he didn't even have to do anything, she was putting in all the effort herself. he pinched her clit lightly, listening as she let out a shaky moan.

"you like that?" he teased, voice husky.

"fuck," she exhaled. "yeah, yeah."

she could barely contain herself anymore, moans sputtering from her lips as easily as breathing. her knees were shaking, and she was about to release, when carmen suddenly pulled his hands away.

"wha-" she was in shock. angrily, she went to turn around, but his calloused hands held her hips in place. "carmen are you fucking serious?"

he was panting as he pulled his boxers down. his erection, thick and hard, rose up. "couldn't let you have all the fun, y/n." he reminded her. "you want me to fuck you like the slut you are?"

she felt his tip graze her folds and she arched her back, hands still gripping the counter. "yes, fuck, carm." she was too horny to even bother arguing, her cunt was pulsing like crazy, and she needed him inside her. "use me, please!"

carmen did as he was told. one hand guided his dick towards her waiting hole, whilst the other kept a bruising grip on her hips. the second he pushed inside her, he threw his head back in pleasure. she moaned, flesh squeezing his dick and causing him to moan in response.

"you want me to go rough?" he asked, voice hoarse and eyes narrowed.

she nodded, nails digging painfully into the counter. carmen tsked behind her, hand grabbing the hair at the back of her neck and forcing her to look back over her shoulder at him. "use your words, y/n."

she glared at him defiantly, but when she realized he wasn't going to accept silence, she reluctantly gave in. "yes, carm. as rough as you need."

he smirked at her, releasing his grip on her hair and moving both hands back to her hips. he aligned himself with her pussy, and in one slow stroke, he pushed in. she clenched around him, and both adults found themselves moaning.

"fuck, you feel good," carmen's voice was husky. "you like that, yeah."

she didn't have the energy to be bratty anymore. "shit, yeah."

his grip on her hips would definitely be bruising as he pounded into her, gradually getting faster and harder. all she could do was hold onto the counter for dear life, her mouth permanently fallen open in a gasp.

he was relentless with his pace. she was practically numb in his arms, unable to do anything but moan, fingers growing weak from how hard she was gripping the counter in front of her. his hands never left her hips once, and the bruising pain only fueled her oncoming orgasm.

"fuck," she said. her cunt was aching in the best way possible, and she wondered if she'd even be able to walk after this. probably not. "i- i'm gonna cum."

"really?" he panted from behind her. she looked behind her to see his face coated in sweat, but a look of pure bliss on his features. "you think you deserve that?"

"god, yes," she moaned when she felt him impossibly deep inside her. when he didn't move for a moment, just pausing balls deep inside her, she threw her head back and bit her lip annoyedly. she knew what he was waiting for, and it pissed her off. "please!"

he smirked down at her, resuming his nearly painful thrusts. "touch yourself," he told her, his voice nearly a whimper. "i've got you."

his grip tightened impossibly more, and she slowly let her hands unclench from the counter. somehow, she didn't collapse immediately, and she brought her first hand down to pinch her clit. that action alone nearly caused her to unravel, but for the cherry on top, she grabbed her own throat and squeezed it.

"oh fuck," carmen moaned from behind her. "look so good touching yourself. you gonna cum on me, yeah?"

she tried to say something, anything really, but it was just a strangled moan. she clenched around him as she came, head thrown back and hands going slack. she had to grip the counter again to avoid collapsing as carmen slowly rode her through her high.

she'd barely finished, her body going slack in his arms, when he aggressively pulled out. before she could even ask what he was doing, he pulled her away from the counter.

"on your knees," his voice was strained, and he looked about ready to burst. "now."

she obliged, not that she had much of a choice seeing as her legs were wobbly anyways. she had barely sat on her calves, being sure not to let her crotch touch the freshly-cleaned floor, when carmen suddenly grabbed her hair. he pulled her towards him, and she had just enough time to open her mouth before he was fucking her throat.

she gagged around him, tears pooling in her eyes and mixing with the sweat on her face as they fell. she knew he was big, obviously, but it felt even bigger when it was in her throat. it seemed carmen was already close though, because it was less than a minute later when he was cumming.

she struggled to swallow his load, her throat burning, but she managed. he pulled out of her, letting his no-longer-hard dick fall from her lips. he took a long moment to breathe, as did y/n, but he eventually composed himself.

she was still on the floor when he reached a hand down, brushing the sweat, hair, and tears from her face. "you okay?" he asked.

"yeah," she said, though her voice was hoarse from the abuse her throat just received. "that was...wow.."

"wow." carmen repeated. he offered her a hand, and she stood up on shaky legs. she wasn't sore yet, but she was sure it would be a different story in the morning.

she was gripping onto the counter, searching for her discarded clothes while carmen pulled his boxers back up, when suddenly they heard the back door open. still naked, y/n dove back under the counter, crouching to avoid her bits touching the floor. carmen yanked his pants back up, struggling to get them over his hips as he buttoned them.

"yo, cousin," she immediately recognized the voice to be richie. "where's the- what the fuck? put a shirt on!"

"what do you want?" carmen asked impatiently, trying his best not to glance at y/n.

"is that a bra?" richie said, ignoring his question. she couldn't see his face, but she could assume there was a cocky smile. "cousin, did you just fuck someone in the kitchen?"

"no!" carmen said, obviously embarrassed. "get out!"

"oh my god," richie couldn't stop laughing. "you fucked someone in the kitchen! where's the unlucky girl?"

carmen glanced instinctively under him, and richie caught on quick. "oh she's still here? that's nasty, cuz! who's there?"

"none of your business, get out!" carmen angrily pulled his shirt on. he stumbled when he did so, stubbing his toe and cursing in response. y/n, who had been holding her laughter the entire time, couldn't help it but explode into laughter. she tried to cover her mouth, but the nervous giggles were uncontrollable.

"hold on, i know that laugh!" richie said. her laughs stopped abruptly and her eyes widened in shock. "come on, show yourself."

with the guiltiest smile possible, she slowly rose her head over the edge of the counter. all she could do was give him a shy wave.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Lord of the Rings but I've never watched it

*slides into the post with a creepy smile* hello maggots it's me back again doing what Satan put me on this green earth to do, summarise things I have no authority to summarise.

I kind of read the Hobbit when I was like 9 or 10? And I may have seen a scene or two from the movie(s)? But that's it. So of course let's hear my hot take on the series.

The elves are hot. Like really hot. They are fucking pretty. Everyone is such a slut for them.

Now I hear some of you lil shits saying no asmi actually i'm a hobbit person no actually i prefer the dwarves and one motherfucker who says actually i'm a gollum kinnie and I'M PREEMPTING THAT BY CORRECTING POINT ONE. MOST PEOPLE ARE SUCH A SLUT FOR THE ELVES. DON'T MAKE MY POST WEIRD.

Oh yeah Gollum was a hobbit but now he's married to a ring and he calls it my precious.

I think he's also a cannibal. Not to indulge in profiling, but he looks the type.

There are like horsepeople of the apocalypse except they're just horsepeople of Smaug and they're like scary. I think their music theme/call is very cool. I do not remember.

Who is Smaug? Smaug is Bendover Cumsnatcher.

On reflection, the horsepeople might be of Sauron, not Smaug.

Who is Sauron? Idk but it's his ring and he has an eye.

Martin Freeman is the hobbit named Bilbo and he had to shave his legs for the fake legs so he has shaved legs in one Sherlock episode.

There's an old dude named Gandalf. He wears robes and says mysterious shit. He has a wand/staff and a possibly homoerotic history with the villain. He has white/grey hair and a long beard. He's the main character's mentor sometimes.

No, what do you mean R**ling's Dumblewhore is a ripoff of that? I see no similarities at all.

He's grey and then he dies and gets whitewashed by the narrative.

Frodo is played by that one actor that reminds me of Aamir Khan.

Frodo is like Freeman's nephew or something. He has a bestie named Sam. They take the ring somewhere to destroy it.

It could be Mount Doom. It could be not. It is in New Zealand. Idk.

The pretty elves live in Rivendell. I've studied to Rivendell ambience before.

The hobbits like comfort and they eat second breakfast and elevensies. I stan.

Thorin is dwarf. He's the king of something.

I had a Hobbit activity book when I was a kid. It was very cool. The riddles were fun.

Galadriel is an elf and they just made some kind of backstory series with her and ruined her character which seems on brand for modern cinema.

There's some kind of book called the Silmirallion or Similarlion or Smillylirryon IDK IT HAS A SI, L, M, A, R AND ON.

Uhhhhh that's all I've got. I am open to being educated, even though I clearly know everything about this.

[teddie-bear420]

tier list

OPINONS UNDER THE CUT

warning this is super long and ranty but does have some silly doodles ill post else where :)

-teddie bear 420

I have had several dreams about vaggie and lute and alastor, they plage my every waking moment. one was me going to smooch city with alastor (very scary that man does not wash his teeth). the others vaggie just shows up sometimes

really liked vaggie in her angel flash back, her hair cut was so cute, not a fan she still has pink eye but what eves. I LOVE HER PONY TAIL THO, give my girl better hair styles!!!

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

I hated lute at first cuz, just look at her. you could get snow blindness with how white that woman is oh my lord. but once the 8th episode rolled around with hot women fighting my brain kinda clicked on for our old second in command. i keep going back to her in my brain and slowly morphing her into a heart broken lesbian who has a superiority complex and bullies her crush and then moves on to having a sugar mama situation ship with Lilith.

alastor is just so fun and silly, and there's this one x reader fic that ive made fan art of, you've all seen it. i just love this guy but i like to imagine he's a woman just for me :)

i understand why he is a fan favorite

i love charlies look but i hate how childish she is, like girl you are like 24 kill your friends pimp. nifty molly emily are all so cute and i enjoy looking at them. cant wait for the nifty episode (delusional)

i do love nifty more than the rest of these ones tho. i see lots of folks talking about how nifty is alastors daughter or angel dusts little baby daughter SHUT UP

SHES 25 YEARS OLD AND MURDERED HER HUSBAND IN HER SLEEP. NIFTY CALLED ALASTOR OVER TO HAVE THEIR LUNCH DATE AND HIDE THE BODY!!!

OK maybe nifty lives in my dreams too

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

mimzy makes me mad cuz the show hated having her there clearly, like why is she the only fat person in hell. dont worry girl, I'll appreciate you once again i have to make alastor a dyke for my own sanity

do you think they-

lilith and rosie are good to look at, i like how rosie talks and her showtunes, god i love her show tunes. pentious is the only yellow dude in hell. velvete looks like ass most of the time but I LOVE A BAD BITCH

like i said, no strong feelings

ok most of these dudes are too ugly or too annoying and i hate when they are on screen, lucifers pants are his skin, angel dust has the worst fashoin sense ever UGHS I HATE HIM WHERE ARE HIS TITS WAAAAAA

also i love that her name is sarah, thats such a basic name, like i can type alastor x reader and theres a bunch of results but if i typed sarah x reader, shes no where :(

also shes got that mlp horse face going on i love it

i despise carmilla carmine, i hate her dumb horns, i hate her unnamed daughters, i hate her skirt, i hate her song, i hate her blazed ass eyes, i hate her long hair

vox just looks bad i cant lie

OK ADUM MAKES ME SO MAD HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN JACK BLACK WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM BEING A FAT BASTARD CUZ I WAS CONVINCED HE WAS ANOTHER SKINNY TWINK also i am an anti shipper when it comes to adum x lute cuz that shit is weaaaak. he is so mean to her and not in a hot way, adum is some incel and lute is a goddess

yeah, #adumisoverparty 2024 the most divorced man in heaven

i can not wait for season two dude, im so pumped

[thewertsearch]

I'm getting 'em all this time, dang it!

I love that John plays along with the Consorts' programmed ignorance of him. He's such a good sport.

These guys really love their Important RPG Terms. It's sort of like a species-wide typing quirk.

SALAMANDER: Our great elder, the magnificent Secret Wizard was one day graced with the First Rag of Souls from the clouds. SALAMANDER: He donned the oily, humble cloth and assumed the countenance of a simple beggar. SALAMANDER: But lo, he beheld a great pillar of rock, and on that pillar he beheld an impossibly tall white tower belonging to the fabled Heir of Breath. SALAMANDER: And so our leader ascended this pillar and this tower, but found no sign of the heir. SALAMANDER: He did however find the Heir's floating blue servant, and she laundered his robes, and so the Rag of Souls was born anew. SALAMANDER: Such was his magnanimity, he employed the Heavenly Machina to duplicate this relic and distribute robes to his many followers across the land, so that they too might be beheld with a beholden eye of admiration.

What I'm getting is that Nanna started a salamander cult for the bit.

Talented though he is, John will have a hard time living up to such a prankster's legacy.

Ooh, we're back in the old style - it's like a game-within-a-game!

This thing does an uncomfortable amount of damage, even with John's maxed Gel Viscosity.

Still, at least it doesn't one-shot him like I expected. These Imps aren't quite as scary as I originally thought.

I can even time-freeze it with Fear No Anvil! There's a shocking amount of polish here for a one-panel walkaround.

It's tough, but John's fully capable of taking it down.

Hopefully once he's scaled the god tiers, Imps will go back to being fodder - although we don't know for sure if the god tiers increase your stats. I assume they're distinct from the Echeladder levels in some way, but I can't really speculate.

SALAMANDER: I'm so hungry. Alas, I have not a single boondollar to pop my bubble with. JOHN: i've got loads of boondollars! here, i will treat you to a nice lunch.

Such a good dude.

Is that some LOHAC contraband I spy?

The Consorts must have opened an interplanetary trade route.

SALAMANDER: Do you hear that? He is still asleep, thank goodness. SALAMANDER: But when the Windy Thing was kicking up all that fuss, it sounded like he was not happy at all. SALAMANDER: It makes him absolutely furious when anyone other than him bends The Breeze to his will! It is not pleasant for anybody. SALAMANDER: Luckily there is only one person who can do that, and he is surely a mythical figure, who only morons believe in.

Now this is interesting. Typheus claims authority over the Breath element, and can't abide anyone else wielding it...

SALAMANDER: Luckily there is only one person who can do that, and he is surely a mythical figure, who only morons believe in.

...which means he's basically calling John out by name.

The Heir is the only person in the Medium even capable of drawing his ire - and thus, the seeds of their inevitable battle have been sown.

SALAMANDER: It's said the Heir will wake the denizen by playing a magical song only he can play, and when he wakes up, the Heir will meet the terrible beast face to face! SALAMANDER: It is then that he will be offered The Choice. The nature of the Heir's triumph depends on what he chooses!

How much choice do you really have, when your future's set in stone? Choose anything that hasn't been pre-approved, and you're sent careening into an offshoot timeline, before being dissolved into nonexistence.

Maybe this proper-noun Choice is a real choice, then - a decision that can violate fate, but won't doom the timeline. The implications could be staggering.

SALAMANDER: Then the Heir will lead us all to a beautiful place, with the most bristling insect furrows and the richest, dampest mushroom soil you could hope to farm.

Either way, John's Choice seems to involve transporting the Consorts somewhere. This salamander is describing a heaven-like location, so I hope the twist isn't that John will destroy LOWAS, 'transporting' its residents to the afterlife :/

[kurtmustdie]

hate the ultimate guide. heres a few reasons why.

reused art: I understand how hard it is to make art, especially at that calliber of detail. I'm an artist, I get it. but the charm of the original ultimate guide was that we had these hand painted, unique pieces of art of these characters, it showed a little personality too.

How stale and lifeless the art is: This is a complaint that I've had with the current western artist for years, the art is just... boring. the colors are pretty, yeah, like wow hyperrealistic cats. cool. but what else? can we see their personalities? what's the book gonna be like? the old covers had that charm, but not these ones. at all. (also is that even... i could not tell that was runningnose and littlecloud. i mean. runningnose has water in his snout, thats not what cat snot looks like but go off. he just looks a little soggy ig, not in a perpetual state of sick.)

Lack of Personality: this is a different complaint I promise. I dont like how the art seems to take away the personality of every character so theyre staring stoicly at the camera. some of these characters arent all that stoic. I never liked the firestar art in the last hope because I deadass thought it was mapleshade until someone told me it was firestar. firestar isnt this scary, stalky cat in the shadows. not to normal people at least. if i can mistake your main character as one of the villains in your cover art that isnt fucking good. I don't want to see these cats staring bug eyed at the camera, I want to be able to tell what they're like JUST from a glance at the art. Who is that- harestar?? why doesnt he look nervous?? he looks almost noble here, which is the opposite of who he's supposed to be, he's a wuss and a loser and i love him for it. like girl that is NOT mudclaw thats some random cat i saw at the shelter once, WHERES HIS ANGER? WHERES HIS FUCKING RAGE??? RISE RISE RISE RISE RISE RI

the Characters are hard to recognize, even with the title cards: Who are these cats. who. who the fuck are they. I can recognize a few cats, sure, but thats if I can pick out a defining trait. Squirrelflights tail, Scourges Collar, Ravenpaw's white chest, those are things that are explicitly told to us that these characters have, but everyone else??? WHO??? Like that was supposed to be leafstar?? HUH?? Wait that's supposed to be Oakheart? I cant even tell if hes red, its so YELLOW OUT I CANT FUCKING TEL WHO HE IS. Sagewhisker is described with yellow eyes, yet she has blue ones in the ultimate guide (i dont usually get pissy about eye color but not only are these cats supposed to be distinct from each other but i really like sagewhisker and i would die for her, yes i will gatekeep her from the artist fucking fight me), Bluestar is barely recognizable, i didnt know who half of these cats were before i read their nameplate. thats not a good thing.

Red mapleshade. Why she red. WHY SHE RED.

Leafpool. I didn't even know that was you at first but man they did you dirty.

sol. dude that is not sol no matter how much you stretch it- why is he a tabby?? hes supposed to be a tortie, why does he look like lionblaze?? and even then he doesnt look that lionlike, even though hollyleaf literally thought he was when she first saw him like what?? HUH???

mothwing. why she anger. also why she not fluffy

squirrelflight. i always hated her SE art but seeing the whole thing makes me angrier. like she isnt not accurate to canon or anything i just... hate it. i hate it withe very fibre of my being. ALSO WHERE IS HER PERSONALITY I WANT TO SEE HER BEING ENERGETIC NOT STARING 😐 AT THE CAMERA FUCKING HELL-

yeah, so im not gonna buy this book. i dont even want to know how they wrorte any of the female characters to make them somehow evil or how they somehow make a completely irridemable male character a sweet uwu baby. and everyone has talked about the ableism to death so im not going to beat this clearly still living horse, im just gonna let you find it yourself.

[noxturnalnymph]

Life Update

It feels to be like I've been pretty absent on here and that bums me out. I had to step back a little for my mental health because the negativity in this fandom does affect me. But stepping back also bums me out because this site can be SO fun when I'm interacting with my moots and making new moots and all of us are squealing about new pics of our boyfriend together.

That being said - the MAJOR reason I have been absent in the past 2 weeks is because of travel. And oh boy.... is this a whopper of a story. So, if you're interested in a tale of insanity, read below the cut.

[TL;DR] I'm back (not that I went anywhere)

sorry I couldn't resist TUWOMT reference, I actually went a lot of places and some of them were good and some were terrible but I really am back now. (Also, I posted this at 2am apparently but did not mean to do that then, so I am reposting now)

So first of all, I was in my hometown in upstate NY last week visiting my family because we are planning to move to the West Coast after our lease is up here so we wanted to visit again before we moved across the country. I live in Florida and we drove 2 days - with our cat in tow - (because my anxiety is so bad it makes it impossible for me to step on an airplane). While I was home I took the train with my bff to Manhattan for 3 days and we hung out there, didn't get to meet Pedro Pascal even once, and took the train back to my hometown. My husband and I drove the 2 days back home and got back Sunday night. It was exhausting and I was only home for like 38 hours and then Tuesday at 1pm I began my next trip. Started with an 18 hour bus ride from Orlando to Lafayette, Louisiana to get a train from Lafayette to Los Angeles, CA. I was planning on being there 12 days before getting the train back to Lafayette and then a bus back to Orlando.

So as I've said I have a terrible fear of flying and I am also the owner of a very bad back (and since my husband and I share a car) I didn’t want to do all that driving alone (dangerous/stressful and bad back) and couldn’t fly cuz of my mental illness. So this is by no means meant to be offensive, but I’m apparently too much of a babygirl to be a bus person. I did not know this. I thought I was tough. Nope. 2.5 hours in on the bus ride and I’ve been listening to this man 2 rows in front of me play instagram reels on his phone the whole time even though the driver said 5 times (FIVE TIMES) to wear headphones….. Well the driver gets sick of it, pulls over at a gas station in the middle of nowhere and tells the guy to leave. He won't so the cops are called. The cops show up and he finally gets off the bus after a 30 min delay. I’m like….. WHAT THE FUCK? IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS??? I didn't know if this man was gonna get mad and start swinging on the bus driver or the cops..... it was scary.

The first station I was at in Orlando I almost threw up cuz I was so nervous. Before I got on the bus I went to pee and to wash my hands and there wasn’t any fucking soap in the bathroom. I thought that was bad. AND YET SOMEHOW.... every subsequent stop was somehow worse. Literally, I kept saying to myself “this can’t get any worse” ....and it kept getting worse. These are the sketchiest, dirtiest fucking places you can imagine. I was staring at this toothless old white dude behind the counter at one of their convenience stores and thought to myself “this has got to be a movie set cuz this can’t be real.” Kind of waiting for someone to jump out and say "PSYCH this is all a joke. I know the floors here look like they were mopped with literal dirt, and everyone looks angry or drugged out, but this is all fake. It's all a joke meant to make you lose your mind." But that didn't happen. I've just never experienced anything like it. I’ve never seen anything so disgusting in my life. The 2nd to last stop only had doors on 2 of the 7 bathroom stalls. One of the stations had a TV on that just played old reruns of a Jaime Fox show while every child in the building cried and coughed at alternating intervals. Yes, this was 3am, and they made three busses full of people cram into a station with not enough seats and wait around for an hour... This is not a joke. 

I felt so fucking unsafe the whole time but I had to get off the bus at the stops and walk around (cuz they made you) but also cuz I was VIOLENTLY motion sick the whole fucking ride on the bus. Like clutching a barf bag with a pounding head and miserable. Also on the bus almost everyone else had two seats to themselves and I had a seat partner the entire time, but it kept changing. First it was a girl and then a kid and they were cool but then it was cigarette smelling guy and then guy who literally wouldn’t stop accidentally touching me, including putting his elbow in my back multiple times (I have fucking herniated discs so this did NOT feel good). 

And when I tell you that my back hurt, i mean i couldn’t spread out or anything cuz someone was fucking next to me the whole time so my back was on fire. I was in so much pain I cried 3 separate times. So I couldn’t sleep cuz people kept talking and I was in pain and the ride was rough and guy kept touching me. And I just kept telling myself, ok countdown cuz you’re almost there you're almost there. And by now I told myself - this final stop - the bus/train station in Lafayette - is not going to be clean but it’s okay, because you’re going to be off the bus and it’s going to be okay.

WRONG....

When I tell you that they pulled up to a dark parking lot at 4:50am next to a building with gates drawn down over the doors and dropped me off - I was in fucking shock. “Is this building closed?”  i shouted at the bus driver. “yeah,” he says, getting back on the bus.  “Ummmm, where do i go?” I’m fucking starting to panic. “You can go sit on the platform till they open in a few hours.”  and he’s gone. 

I’m alone in the dark with my luggage at the fucking bus station in downtown Lafayette. 

Oh except I’m not alone because there are 3 men milling about, one of them keeps asking me my name, two of them ride bikes past me back and forth. I go to sit on the platform and this alarm goes off and this voice comes over the loudspeaker shouting  “THERE IS NO LOITERING ALLOWED HERE. PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.” and repeats non-stop.  One of the guys goes “why is it doing that? Is it gonna call the police?” HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?? I FUCKING WISH IT WOULD MY DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I tell him my name to be nice and he keeps telling me i should come sit with him and this other guy cuz it’s “safer” and I’m like….   IS IT THO?!?!?!?  and he keeps saying “youve never been here? Do you wanna go see downtown? It’s a short walk, i’ll help you roll your suitcase.”   BRO WE’RE NOT GOING COURTING IT’S FUCKING FIVE IN THE MORNING. This man wants to go on a fucking stroll with me and I am just envisioning what my Forensic Files episode is gonna be like and hoping the re-enactment actor they get to play me isn't too ugly.

I’m desperately trying to call a lyft to take me literally anywhere else, and no one is accepting my ride request. FINALLY someone accepts, and after 45 minutes of sitting in the dark, trembling out of fear and cold in only a tshirt with my bags hunched around me, I get my ride. The lyft driver takes me to a Hilton hotel by the airport. I walk in, and I’m mid panic attack and crying and tell the employees there at 6am my story and ask if I can pay for a room so I have somewhere safe to hang out. They refuse to make me pay and offer me the lobby (lots of outlets and large, plush couches) for as long as I need it and tell me to help myself to the hot breakfast and coffee. Fucking Angels.

Does it stop there? No it doesn’t. Cuz I still have to go back to the train station for my train to California, which leaves at 12:30pm. So I spend HOURS in the hotel lobby, chilling and eating and it’s nice and I feel safe. I schedule a lyft to pick me up at 11:15 so I can get back to the train station with an hour before I’m scheduled to depart.

BUT OH WAIT.

10:45am I get a text that my train has been canceled. CANCELED.... Apparently, there are storms affecting the route, so my train will not be running between New Orleans and San Antonio, TX (I’m 2 stops after NO). But they will provide me BUS ACCOMMODATIONS to get me to San Antonio so I can continue my journey there.

Wrong word, my dude. BUS??? I’m fucking triggered. I start bawling like an insane person. The girls who let me stay in the lobby at this point are probably like “oh shit we thought she was normal but she’s crazy.” I call my husband, I call my mom, I call a couple friends. I’m a fucking mess. I just want to go home at this point but I’m still a 12 hour drive away (with no car of course) and OH YEAH I haven’t fucking slept!

So first thing’s first - I ask the hotel for a room and they feel terrible for me (cuz i’m a crying sniveling mess) and give me a discount on a suite and let me check in right away. I call Amtrak and cancel my train, sobbing on the phone with them (and it’s a man so he’s very awkward about it) but they give me a FULL refund. I most likely won’t get refunded at all for the VRBO rental I got for Los Angeles though. I got to the room and booked a rental car for the next day from the airport that I was like right next to, and so the plan was to sleep there overnight and get a lyft to the airport and drive back towards home the next day. 

My husband offered to take off work and drive to meet me at an airport along the watly so I wouldn't have to drive the whole 12 hours with my terrible back.  I ended up getting a Malibu which was such a nice ride and it had a lumbar support in the seat and my back felt FUCKING GREAT. I met up with my husband at our planned location and we drove home. Between the time change, massive rain storms, and construction traffic, we didn't get home till 10:30 but I fucking made it home. (Because of course with all my bad luck I was terrified that I was going to die on the way home.)

BUT IM HOME SAFE IF NOT A LITTLE WORSE FOR WEAR (mentally and physically exhausted). I will make a post later today with my plans for my writing updates. I have a new WIP I want to share and I know some of you are waiting on my current series as well.

TY always for your love and support ✌️💖🫂

[mad-hatter-memes]

Brendaniel Quotes

A collection of dialogue prompts from various videos by Brendaniel (Specifically his rating Crypids and Monsters videos). Feel free to edit quotes if needed.

Warning: Suggestive references

"I've been kicked out of a museum or two for doing shadowboxing on a few dinosaurs." "This dude's name is ass...And it's my job to kick it!" "I don't care how much mystical energy, or how much power Satan gives you. I've faced far worst fears." "You think flying can save you from the beam attack I've been practicing?!" "They don't call me "the anti-air" just because I'm bad at basketball!" "I'm not having night terrors about Mario. Anybody who's saying I'm having night terrors about Mario is lying. It's not happening, I promise." "I'm not letting anything from Florida take me down!" "I'll suplex an old woman Leon Kennedy style if it means I'll come out victorious." "How do you fight...a house?" "Can I just go for the "tall guy strategy" and aim for it's knees?" "You're telling me that a sentient white pair of pants is roaming Fresno?" "All I see are healthbars, babe. And this boy is gonna drop some fat loot!" "You wanna know what's red, green, and smells like eucalyptus?" "No spine? You're all mine!" "That's right! I'm getting up inside the big wet fursuit. And there's nothing you can to stop me!" "Happy Halloween! I'm gonna destroy you." "I mean sure it subsists on a diet of human flesh, but I'll try anything once." "But what if I wanted to go to Pari!" "I'm not dating a fish." "I might be inclined to date a fish." "I would probably date a fish." "No bones about it, you can't bang a skeleton." "Do not Undertale me, I will NOT be Undertale-ed!" "I think that in a fight, a bear would defeat a gorilla." "Why would you embarrass me like this?!" "If you aren't at least six feet then you aren't getting meat." "Where are we going? Mechanics?" "Who are you to deny my lust for ham?" "The ribbon candy in her candy dish tried to eat me and I still haven't fully recovered." "I would want to play a game. It's Scrabble." "Do you wanna see a scary movie with me? Coward?" "Where'd you pop those peepers my creepy little guy? "How are you going to enjoy the funhouse if you can't see yourself in the wacky mirrors?" "God, w-what the hell is that? Right behind you there?" "Do you see it? Can you see perceive that? Is that always there?"

[sanguine-tenshi]

i'm turning this round on you. if you've played bloodborne, then most fuckable five bosses from that. if you haven't, same for a different fromsoft game of your choosing. (feel free to do more than five)

I haven't played Bloodborne, I don't use the peasant boxes. But I did watch a playthrough so I'll go ahead and vote anyway.

First imma go through them all and smash or pass and then I'll tell you my faves. Good? Good. Anywhore!

Amygdala

Pass. Look, usually I'm a slut for multiple arms, can't go wrong with multiple arms. But this thing's head looks like a tick and I cannot get over that.

Blood-starved Beast

Pass. Concept art looks dope as hell and very smashable, but in-game it's giving Slav grandma and Slav grandmas fucking scare me. So a very hard pass.

Celestial Emissary

Pass. It looks like someone's diaper-bound toddler. Like the dumb thing was falling over too much so the parents just wrapped it's head in foam and let it terrorize the local wildlife. It also looks like it's fingers would be that nasty toddler level of sticky. Just no.

Cleric Beast

Smash. It's big. It's scary. It's harry. It's got horns. It looks like it's rotting just a lil bit. It's jaw looks like it's been scrapped raw. What's not to love? The only gripe I have are the weird stubby toes but I can tolerate it, not like I have to look at those things.

Darkbeast Paarl

Smash. It's like bones and hair and electricity. It's about the logistics at the moment but I'm down to figure it out.

Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos

Smash. Very eldrich. Very have no clue what I'm looking at. Very I'm into it.

Father Gascoigne

Pass. That's just a grandpa. And not even a hot grandpa.

Gehrman, the First Hunter

Pass. That's just a grandpa. And an ugly grandpa.

Martyr Logarius

Pass. That's just a grandpa. An old and freeze-dried grandpa.

Mergo's Wet Nurse

Smash. Smash so hard. The multiple arms. The wings. The empty hood. The absolute feral creature posture. The way it's tattered and ruined and deadly. Smash.

Micolash, Host of the Nightmare

No.

Moon Presence

Smash. Eldritch. The fucking tentacle hair. The weird skull hole face. The ribs. Look it already has a weird sexually non sexual relationship with the player. I might as well. I might as fucking well.

The One Reborn

Pass. It's just too messy for me. I like the idea of this thing being made of parts, of people, of victims. But the design is just too damn messy. It's all over the place. It doesn't look like it added with purpose, with design, it just added stuff for the sake of adding, for the empty want of MORE. And I'm just not into that.

Rom, the Vacuous Spider

Fuck, no!

Shadow of Yharnam

Pass. These are just dudes in robes. There's nothing all that interesting about them. Not even some sexy armor, or weird gore, or bones sticking out.

Vicar Amelia

Hard smash. It's like Cleric Beast's more elegant sexy cousin. There's horns as well! And I mean I do like the aesthetic of her being so white. She has a nice smile as well, so long with so many pointy teeth.

Witch of Hemwick

Pass. It's just moldy Slav grandmas.

Ludwig, The Accursed

Weak pass. It's just the face I have a problem with here, tbh. It's just leaning too much towards horse, like regular normal horse.

Orphan of Kos

Pass. Just looks like a dude to me. A skinny twitchy white dude who ran out of drugs and that's now everyone's problem. Now... his mom on the other hand... ho boy.

Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower

Smash. Yes, yes regular looking woman. But listen! She's tall. She's strong. She's a war criminal. She killed a god with a stick. Like I'm down. She can bend me over and I'd be down. I like her style. And she also stabs herself during the fight... kinda hot ngl.

Living Failures

Hard pass. It's like Celestial Emissary's failed cousins, slightly older and worse. Also have you seen their buts!? They've got the saggy frog butts.

I think the fuck not! Look at that thing!

Laurence, The First Vicar

Smash. Like I know he's one of the worst fights in the game and also the fire, but like... the sass. The fucking attitude in this one pose. Love that for him. Also yes, scraggly dog beast man with horns and ribs on the outside. Very smash.

Now as for the rankings... 1. Mergo's Wet Nurse 2. Cleric Beast 3. Vicar Amelia 4. Laurence, The First Vicar 5. Moon Presence 6. Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower 7. Darkbeast Paarl 8. Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos

Now in other news, I've realized that Bloodborne is very much moodboard, but it's a lot less fuckable than I thought.

[cromulentbookreview]

Fun with Fungi!

Huh, what's this? *cleans away dust* oh, yeah, this blog is still a thing. I probably should've written more reviews, but...

I mean, I could come up with an excuse, but I'm too lazy. Just as I am too lazy to continually update this book review blog that nobody reads. I mean, I just wrote a review *consults calendar* uh. In 2022. Dang, I have been lazy. Oh well.

I'm like a rug on valium, I'm talking lazy.

And by that, I mean: let's have a dual review of the Sworn Soldier series: What Moves the Dead and its sequel, What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher!

Those covers, man. They're awesome, but at the same time: poor bun bun. Poor horsie.

So technically, what I'm doing here is not one but two reviews. So I'm actually being really, really productive right now and not lazy in the slightest.

This is a legitimately true story, I swear. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...by which I mean, four or five years back or so, I'd never heard of T. Kingfisher / Ursula Vernon in my life until I got into a fight with her on Twitter* on whether or not the fruit of the hazel tree should be referred to as Filberts or Hazelnuts.

For the record, I am firmly team hazelnut. I mean, they're nuts from a hazel tree. Hazel+nuts = hazelnuts. Who in their right mind wants to eat something called a filbert? But, terminology varies as T. Kingfisher is firmly on team filbert. My parents also call them filberts on occasion which is weird to me as we live in an area lousy with hazelnut farms.

Mmmm, Hazelnuts...

Anyway! I had no idea who this person was but I got into a tongue-in-cheek gif fight on Twitter with them regarding hazelnut v. filbert. Feeling bad that I got into a fight with a random person online on their hazel tree fruit name preferences, I went to their profile, saw they were an author, looked up their books and bought the two books of the Clocktaur Wars series. I tore through them, and continued on, reading all of the World of the White Rat series (I just saw that we're getting a new one in January and I might have let out a bit of a fangirl screech), and the absolutely delightful A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking and Minor Mage. So far, every single one of T. Kingfisher's books that I've read has been awesome. Nettle & Bone? Amazing. Thornhedge? I'm a very slow reader, but I devoured it in an afternoon.

T. Kingfisher writes amazing fantasy novels and I absolutely love them. She also writes horror. Which is where I hit a brick wall because I'm a baby who doesn't handle horror well. I don't like horror movies. I don't often read horror books. Because the world is scary enough without ghosts and poltergeists and demons and jump scares. Also I watched The Ring when I was 12 and it scared the shit out of me. Anyway! Oddly enough, I've always found myself drawn to horror-type stories. I mean, horror fits so well in fantasy and sci-fi (looking at you, Doctor Who episodes that gave me nightmares). As an adult, I've found myself more and more willing to dip my toe into horror fiction. Season 1 of The Terror, one of my favorite-ever TV series is considered horror (maybe because it's not jump-scare scary, it's existentially scary. Also it's set in the past. Also it's got dudes-on-boats, my favorite genre). Part of me really, really likes horror stories set in the past - no horror like 18th/19th/Early 20th century horror, amirite?

Right?

Well, whatever, I just like horror to be ye olde timey horror, OK? Like Crimson Peak, The Witch, The Death of Jane Lawrence, Mexican Gothic, The Woman in Black, The Hacienda, Vampires of El Norte, The Hunger ... spooky-scary Gothic-y-Romantic-y-type stories that have a historical element to them. Those are awesome. I'm slowly - very slowly! - getting myself to read more contemporary horror stories. I understand that The Twisted Ones and A House With Good Bones are really, really good, but....what can I say, I'm a wuss. And contemporary stories aren't really my jam. I read to get away from the contemporary world, damn it!

(Me, too scared to read contemporary horror but not too scared to listen to 900,000 true crime podcasts).

Right, where were we?

Oh, yeah. The review(s). I'm starting to understand why no one ever read this blog and why I let myself be lazy.

-

In What Moves The Dead we meet Alex Easton, a Gallacian ex-soldier on their way to visit their old friends, the Ushers, at their delipidated estate in the rural countryside of Ruravia. Alex had word that Madeline Usher was dying, and they wanted to be there for Madeline and her brother, Roderick. Roderick had been a fellow soldier with Alex back in the day and -

Wait a minute, Roderick and Madeline Usher? Delipidated mansion? Unspecified 19th century middle of nowhere...

Yep, this story is, indeed, a retelling of Poe's The Fall of the House of Usher, and it does a much better job than certain series you might find on Netflix.

Moving on:

Alex, Roderick and Madeline were childhood friends, and Roderick and Alex even fought together back in the day. Alex is a "sworn soldier" - something unique to their home country of Gallacia, a small, backwater country located somewhere between Bulgaria, Hungaria and that other -Garia, a vaguely Central/Eastern European nation with a language somehow structurally worse than Finnish, Hungarian and Icelandic combined. The Gallacian language has seven sets of pronouns: there's one set used only when referring to God, a set used to refer to children before puberty, one set specifically for inanimate objects...and, as the Gallacians are a fierce warrior people (though they're not exactly great at it), there's a special pronoun set just for soldiers.

So, in Gallacia, anyone, regardless of gender, can waltz up to the nearest military recruitment post, declare themselves a soldier, and be given a sword and a new set of pronouns within the hour. Hence the term "sworn soldier."

Anyway!

Prior to arriving at the House of Usher, Alex encounters an Englishwoman, Miss Eugenia Potter, a mycologist studying the local mushrooms, and there are some gnarly-looking (and smelling!) mushrooms. In fact, the whole landscape around Usher House seems...off. Everything seems dead or dying. Random hares will stand up and just stare right at you.

And not in a cute way, either.

As if the landscape weren't bad enough, once Alex gets to the Usher House, Roderick himself barely resembles the soldier Alex once knew. His skin has gone bone-white and he's as thin as a skeleton. He seems terrified by something but can't quite articulate what. Madeline is still alive, but in bad shape. Not even Roderick's friend Denton, an American doctor, can say what is wrong with her and Roderick (Catalepsy? Anemia? Hysteria? Roomis Igloomis? Who knows?). Denton and Alex immediately figure it's something to do with their environment - the house is both rotting and falling apart around them - but Roderick insists that Madeline can't leave, and if she can't leave, he won't leave.

Determined to find out what's happening to their friends, Alex resolves to stay. But things in the House of Usher are starting to get weird. For one thing, Madeline sleepwalks far more than a dying woman should, speaking in a strange, child-like voice, there's a lake outside that seems to pulse and shine with odd lights, there's a legion of undead hares wandering around and, seriously, what is up with those mushrooms??? With the help of Denton, Miss Potter, and their trusty batman, Angus, Alex must figure out what the hell is going on with the House of Usher...before whatever it is starts to spread.

What Moves The Dead is short and sweet and the perfect book to read when it's cold and dreary outside - and definitely not one you want to read before eating a giant bowl of mushroom risotto. If you're looking for a fantastic, spooky-type read that reads like if Edgar Allan Poe and The Last of Us joined forces with an army of undead bunnies.

But!

Luckily for all of us, Alex Easton's adventures don't stop with the events at the House of Usher.

It's late in the autumn and poor Alex would much rather be in Paris. Unfortunately, Angus has successfully guilt-tripped them into a trip to Alex's family's old hunting lodge back in the Old Country, aka Gallacia. Nothing like good old Gallacia in the winter where everything is damp, cold, cold, and, you guessed it! Damp.

But the redoubtable British mycologist Miss Eugenia Potter wishes to study some Gallacian mushrooms, and Angus, who is absolutely sweet on her, pretty much voluntold Alex to come along to act as Miss Potter's translator and use their hunting lodge as a home base.

So instead of a beautiful late Autumn/Winter in Paris, Alex is stuck back home.

*Sigh* looks nice, doesn't it?

As much as Alex sulks at the thought of spending several weeks back home, it's not like they're going to say no to Angus and Miss Potter. Not after everything they went through with the Usher House *shudder*.

Unfortunately, when Angus and Alex arrive at the lodge to help get it ready for Miss Potter's arrival, the caretaker, Codrin, is nowhere to be found. A quick trip to the nearby village reveals that Codrin has been dead for the past two months. But the locals are being very cagey about what killed him - Codrin's daughter is very insistent that it was just a lung infection, nothing else, no further questions, goodbye.

Finding a replacement for Codrin proves difficult, as it seems none of the villagers want to go near the lodge because there's a rumor that Codrin wasn't killed by inflammation of the lungs, but by a creature called a Moroi - a woman who sits on your chest and quite literally steals your breath. And the rumor is, a Moroi has taken up residence at the Hunting Lodge.

Yikes.

After some effort, Alex manages to hire a new housekeeper: the ill-tempered Widow Botezatu, who brings her grandson Bors along with her. The Widow immediately hates Alex, thinking them a wastrel, but Bors is nice enough. Miss Potter arrives, complete with terrible Gallacian phrasebook, but it soon becomes clear things aren't quite right at the Lodge. Alex begins to experience strange dreams - dreams in which a woman is kneeling on their chest because, yep, the Moroi is very real, and it can get to you in your dreams, just like Groundskeeper Willie in Treehouse of Horror VI.

Which is to say like Freddie Kruger, but still.

When it becomes clear that the Moroi is after the residents of the lodge, it's up to Alex, Angus and Miss Potter to figure out how to defeat a creature that can infiltrate your dreams.

What Feasts at Night is just as creepy, eerie and atmospheric as What Moves the Dead - there is plenty of non-fungal body horror and, mercifully, no zombie bun buns. Kingfisher is fantastic at capturing the terror of having your ability to breathe taken from you, and of the dread of having to fight something you can't grasp while awake. How she manages to pack so much into two short novels, I have no idea.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone in the mood for some short, sweet spooky horror.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who gets easily queasy, someone in the middle of eating a nice mushroom risotto, someone who really, really, really loves bunnies being alive and living their best lives, anyone who might wake up in the middle of the night with their cat on their chest staring directly into their eyes...

RELEASE DATE FOR WHAT FEASTS AT NIGHT: February 13, 2024

RATING FOR BOTH: 5/5

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SWORN SOLDIER BOOKS: Chigori

*

[mdhwrites]

What are your thoughts on those fans who bodyshame Belos? Keep in mind, he is the ONLY character in the show who gets this treatment, and almost no one calls out the fans who bully him for that. I don’t think they are aware of how many people they’re hurting by mocking everything about Belos’ appearance.

FUCKING WHAT!? I'm not familiar with this trend actually! As a 290 pound fat white dude though (who even when he's doing better hovers closer to 260 *sigh*), that fucking blows! Fuck those people! It's... also not surprising... Kind of because the show doesn't exactly refute the idea that those who are evil are also ugly. Now to be fair, that's frankly a tale as old as time in media, especially visual media. Kind of like dressing in black, it's just one of those ways to theoretically set your audience on edge about a character and amplify the fact that someone is a villain. Their monstrosity inwards is monstrosity outwards.

But that also feels like a trend that has been fading but TOH is not a very progressive show in a lot of ways and beauty is definitely one of them. I've made a blog about how all the good characters are fairly standard levels of beauty with Amity being portrayed as ready for the runway and even Willow is the definition of 'more to love'. Meanwhile it's bad guys are the demons and commonly on the uglier side. Even Hunter has the most 'abnormal' face amongst the main characters with his large nose and his scars but he started as evil and questionable to trust so... That doesn't help anything.

And this will bleed into a fandom, though I also want to be fair that besides making religious colonizer jokes... What does the fandom really have to work with with Belos if you don't like him? His appearance is effectively half of his presence and easily the thing that makes him the most intimidating. The animators pull a lot of work that the writing isn't quite keeping up with him in order to give him a menace? Want to knock him down then? Hit on his appearance so he doesn't look as scary.

But also... Belos is a good looking dude. Controversial opinion maybe but the dude is about the same body type as Hunter, a trained soldier, has a Hair Metal main and sure, his face is showing slight signs of age but the animators did a good job making him be able to have a warm smile and a kindness to it when talking to Hunter that wouldn't be possible if he were genuinely grotesque in anyway. The second he closes up the scar on his face and pulls his hair back into a ponytail in King's Tide, he looks ready to be a teacher in an anime.

Which I assume mostly happened because he's a main villain. He's not like Tibbles where he's a joke and Tibbles is fat. He's not a throwaway one off like the publisher who worked with King who is demonic. He's more important than that... Like Odalia. You know 'dem hips'. Even Alador doesn't look bad by any conventional means.

And as I said the last time I spoke of this: I like pretty people in stories. It is still an awkward element of the show though that it claims to be so incredibly progressive but that all of its villains are the ones with truly alternative body types and that it almost equates beauty with power in its subtext because we NEVER get an ugly opponent that we're supposed to take seriously or be afraid of.

I don't even think any of this is intentional, I'm not saying Dana is fatphobic or something. Again: I write pretty people in my stories because I like attractive girls and I do have a type, not because I dislike other body types. But when you have no true positive portrayal of the other, especially in a story 'celebrating the other' (in theory), it's not surprising if people make the sorts of jokes that bash on someone's appearance for only being an 8/10 like Belos instead of literal perfection. They are being unconsciously told to still mock someone who doesn't have perfect hair ALL THE TIME because the characters we're supposed to like are all conventionally attractive.

'The Other' looks like they're ready for a Vogue Fashion Shoot, why aren't you? *gags* Edit: I went back and forth to add this but I actually did do a story about body positivity. With the framing device I used, I decided nudity was necessary but everyone is 18+ and there's no sex in it. Just Luz trying to get comfortable with the idea of being undressed for Amity. Or that's what she claims at least to Boscha.

=========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[wirewitchviolet]

Have I done any serious Lovecraft bashing in the last year or two? I feel like I’m overdue.

I’m almost positive I’ve sat down and written at least one big long post on the general subject of how there is nothing redeemable or interesting about H.P. Lovecraft, but I’ve also definitely seen another like hundred examples of people misrepresenting his influence and talent since, so, here’s another one.

See, there’s this popular myth that H.P. Lovecraft, despite being one of the all-time most virulent racists and quite open about it, was some kind of grand visionary who made all kinds of super important contributions to the horror genre, and... he just didn’t. Honestly I’d kinda want to burn down his legacy even if he did, because no for real, the racism was absolutely astounding. People’s jaws were on the floor about it even when he was alive. I feel pretty good about just completely throwing the whole output of right wing extremists in the dumpster like nazi game devs and such, so I don’t see why this should be different, but also for real, nothing of value is lost in doing so.

Like, first of all, he’s just a really bad writer. Really formulaic structure to all his stories, they all have basically the same protagonist and he sucks, tons of purple prose setting things up and then just kinda glossing over the main events, and dude really did just abuse the hell out of a thesaurus. And the subject matter’s not great either! In pretty much everything he ever wrote the big scary thing is kind of always just privileged white dude anxiety. “What if I’m not the center of the universe? What if I’m not actually a pure and noble white guy but I’m secretly the product of the dreaded race mixing? What if, like, a trans woman was kind of into me? What if I ad to deal with some other culture doing stuff I’m not comfortable with? There’s a couple that are more “starfish are just creepy” but it’s not a huge element in those and also I mean that’s just true.

There’s still the big influences though, right? Well, not really, no. Evil cults trying to bring back evil gods/monsters was totally ubiquitous way before Lovecraft. Super advanced space weirdos were too. Big freaky monsters doing sexual stuff with tentacles simply does not happen in any of his stuff. There’s no cool monsters really. Or people doing cool magic rituals. Just glancing at things and running away really. Like, guy wasn’t just unpopular in his day because he was a white supremacist scumbag, he also just couldn’t write well. I’m always pointing this out, but you realize Cthulu isn’t even actually much of anything in Lovecraft’s actual stories? The Call of Cthulu is mostly just this all build-up kind of story, with a couple people piecing a few random incidents into a vague semblance of an investigation, and at the end some big goofy sea monster starts to wake up from a coma and then... promptly has a ship plow into its head causing it to pass out again. That’s it. That’s the whole story. No big evil plans or minions or eating 1d6 investigators, no referencing in other stories. Basically everything in the pop culture “Lovecraftian” bubble is fan fiction, mostly tracing the route of “someone made a tabletop RPG vaguely inspired by other authors’ playing with this guy’s stuff which ended up being popular enough in Japan to be name dropped in some porn VNs, and people just kind of assume tracing that all the way back must lead to something good.”

This all made a lot more sense before/in the early days of the internet, where there was a sort of weird nerd elitism in knowing certain bits of obscure trivia and catching the right references. A lot of actually really talented horror people back in the day kind of got in the habit of referencing some memorably weird terms this one old racist tossed into stories that sometimes showed up in one of the oldest horror magazines one could find copies of if they really looked. In particular people found it really fun to keep referencing “the necronomicon” as like a pokedex for weird ancient monsters and occult stuff and made it enough of an in-joke to mislead people into thinking this was a real book. But the whole idea was you had to have access to this magazine from the 1920s to really be in on the joke. Stuff just kinda doesn’t work that way anymore. Wikis kinda killed being in the know on weird trivia connections.

The other thing though is people used to just do a little name drop of a book or a monster while doing their own stuff, and that’s fine, but now you have so damn many people doing “Lovecraftian” stuff where they more directly reference his better known stories, and there’s kinda this whole subgenre where people just run down that checklist. There’s dozens of “Lovecraftian horror” games where ooh, you’re some reedy nerd or detective and you go to this town called Innsmouth and people are suspicious and oh no they’re like fish people and they chase you around and you pass out or maybe find some weird idol and somehow or other you’re on this big mystery island and we’re directly quoting that “even death may die” line without context, and whispering voices tell you to poke at 7-pointed star symbols and oh no, you woke up Cthulu and he comes and eats you, credits. And like... it’s just running through the same checklist every time. It’s never informing a more original work, or putting interesting twists on things. It’s like how you used to have nerds just quoting whole scenes out of Monty Python and the Holy Grail or quoting catch phrases from Austin Powers or Borat. Just so incredibly tedious and pandering to people who don’t ask for anything more than having the references they know quoted back endlessly.

Anyway, point is, we really wouldn’t lose out on anything if we just freaking buried this one old racist hack. If you want to do some referencing and name dropping to weird spooky stuff that’s maybe from space or the ocean or whatever, there’s plenty of stuff you can shout out that’s actually good, and isn’t giving a certain kind of people to start grinning smugly and referencing what this guy named his cat. Like for real, any time you feel compelled to drop in some kind of Lovecraftian reference somewhere, just namedrop Junji Ito instead, or directly reference a short story of his. It’s all way more interesting and fleshed out and you’re just throwing a spotlight on someone who as far as I can tell is just a really nice talented artist who likes cats. Cats with names you can say out loud, even.

[theshimadaslovers]

Hanamura's Vigilante; White Dragon, Part 1

Summary: A white dragon is terrifying Hanamura's city, no one knows where it belongs or how does it exist, you knew about it, but finally realized that is actually real.

Genre: Romance, fantasy, drama

Warnings: for now, none.

*At Hanamura town*

You- *Working in a small bakery, making some fluffy japanese strawberry cake and some clients come in talking about something kind...weird. You bow to them to say hello, but they were so immersed in the conversation that didn't even noticed you. It was 3 girls, young girls, talking about something like...a...dragon?"

Girl 1- This is madness, dragons do not exist! Magic is not real in this world.

Girl 2- If is from another world?!

Girl 3- They saw it! They took pictures! Look at this! *show her the phone* This is real!

Girl 1- But it can also be fake.

Girl 3- But it also can be true!

Girl 2- I think we should figure it out.

Girl 3- Oh hell no! Let this with...I don't know...Overwatch. Let me ask her opinion! Lady! *run into you showing the pics* Do you think this is real?

You- Ah, well... It looks real, but-

Girl 2- See! She said is real!

You- I mean, It look real, but like she said, it also can be fake, you know?

Girl 3- Everyone is talking about that! Turn on the TV, lady, pleeeaase!

*You sighs and turn on the TV quickly finding The News, talking exactly about that*

News - An unknow creature, that looks a lot like a white dragon, was spotted flying the skies of Hanamura. Photos has been posted in every midia from different parts of the city. Scientists has being collecting informations about the creatures and they affirm; "There's no such thing as magic creatures, it may be a sort of new specie or even a very old creature". The biologists are enchanted by the huge animal, they affirm that will find and study the creature with healthy techniques that will not harm or disturb the animal; "It should be studied and be observed, it may be the last of the specie. An old kind of animal like this? It must be protected!".

Girl 3- Oh dear...! It is real!

Girl 1- We told you!

Girl 2- This is so cool! The biologists believe that it may be a very, very and very old dragon! They talk about it, hear me out; "Dragons are old creatures that we, scientists, have being studying for ages. It has been found bones in deep caves, now with this new situation, we believe that this dragon has being lived here for more than 900 years!" Isn't that cool?! *jumping of happiness*

Girl 3- Dude, I'm scared! Imagine that appears walking close to my house?!

You- *laughs* A dragon would not dare to come to the city, if it has really more 900 years old, he know humans better than anyone.

Girl 2- That's true...well, let's eat and we talk about it!

*You serve the girls and leave this conversation behind. A dragon, a new specie, well... whatever, is very huge and looks dangerous. After a long day of work you were cleaning the story, it is about 8pm, the city is quite and no one was in the streets, the news said that people of Hanamura is very scary about the "dragon" so, they stayed at home. You were cleaning the floor, listening to a calm music and the rest completely quite. Suddenly, a type of a roar in the backgroud, not that far away, but not like a lion...like...Godzilla... you got scared and look at the window for a few seconds, trying to listen again, but nothing."

You- *sighs* Better hurry up...

*You were worry, of course, is a fricking dragon! Well, in the pics, it has claws and teeth, equal, dangerous. You close the rest of the store quickly and heard again the same Godzilla scream, but...closer. Scared, in shock, you start to run to the bus stop, but...you believe that...maybe the city haven't any bus around tonight...the creature literally stops everything. No cars, no bus, no human on the city...everyone is terrified. You start to walk home, totally alert with everything around you, you heard the Godzilla again and again, and release that looks like a...cry...? Maybe the dragon is hurt or something, maybe...but this is not your problem! After one hours of walk, you get safe at home. A very sweet home surround by Hanamura's nature. You enter the house exhausted and throw yourself in the coach for a while.*

You- I'm alive...! *laughs* I'm blessed...! *You take a deep breath and stayed In silence for a while...but youheard a unusual sound in the back of your house...like a...heavy breath...a monstrous breath*

*You open your eyes and slowly get up from the sofa looking at the window to see if there is something outside you could see...you were terrified. Maybe is just your imagination or your head being exhausted. But then...you saw something like a tail passing through the windows, wiggling around. You stopped and your breath too. While the girls were eating earlier that day, you keeped watching the news. The thing is real, they posted videos about it and is no joke. You wonder why, if is really there in the back of your house, why is the dragon there... ok, your house is practically in the middle of a bunch of trees, maybe he's trying to hide...but...really? Your house? You slowly walk through the house in baby steps hearing a kind of a cry coming from the...thing. At the window you try to look at it, shaking and your heart was racing fast than usual. Your breath hit the windows glass and you could see a huge white creature, wiggling the tail nonstop and he looks...in pain?*

Dragon- *grunts*

You- Why my house...? *whispers and keep looking at him* You're huge...!

*To have a better idea of your house, you had this amazing garden...I mean, is like a open field, not exactly your garden, but...yeah! Is beautiful!*

You- What the hell I do...?! *You step back and try to lock the door. I mean, is a dragon, is a thing, but... you don't know how smart he is, right? The locker made a loud sound and you got frozed for a moment, stop breathing again and stand still hearing the creature grunting, looking a little hit at the window, the tail stopped...that's kind...worry*

You- You didn't hear me...right...? Please...!

*You slowly stepped back thinking in calling to the police or something like that, but...they may hurt the animal, maybe...leave him rest tonight, right? You take a deep breath trying to take back your sanity for a moment. Everything you do, looks dangerous...should you just standing there and...that's it? No way. You back to the windows and the dragon changed the position, now looking at the door and smelling your presence...! Oh great! You hide at the same second you notice, hear the grunts again and now he was smelling the window*

You- No no no no! *you whisper to yourself shaking* That's not real! Is not real!

Dragon- *try to open the window with the nose*

You- Shit! Shit shit shit...! *You crawl out going under the table* This is a dream! That's not real!

Dragon- *Actually brakes the window and grunts in confuse, then putting the nose inside the house*

You- Ooh shiit...!

Dragon- *smells you for a moment and grunts, like if he was calling*

You- What...?! *You notice that wasn't a agressive sound, it was like...a tiny sound, like "someone there?"* Oh no, I'm not going...! *almost crying*

Dragon- *The creature take a deep breath getting out of the window and standing up in pain, walks to another window...right behind you and you followed with the eyes. His eyes, blue eyes, was directly looking at you, peacefully*

You- *Paralyzed while looking at him, and again you heard him "calling"* What the f...? *You slowly stands up, barely feeling your legs and in baby steps, walking to the broken window*

Dragon- *He come back to the broken window and put the nose again, close to you, you step back making him make the tiny grunting calling*

You- You're not...dangerous? *you suddenly talk to him, not expecting to answer, is a freaking animal*

Dragon- *Suddenly reply your question with a short sound*

You- Wait...what?! You just answered?! *Again he answered* This a "yes"? You understand? *He step back and you get close to the window watching the creature agreeing with the head* Good lord you're majestic...you...you can understand me...you...wanna me to...? *look at him and see a wound in his paw, it was bleeding and looks very painful* You...wanna help?

Dragon- *Agreed with the head*

You- Oh...you're more intelligent than I thought... And not that scary. *pause* I'm talking to a dragon...*sighs* It's a dragon! A dragon in my house! *laughing*

Dragon- *confuse*

You- Oh, I'm sorry...! I'm just...confused. You're a dragon! Dragon should not exist in this reality! You know? *Dragon agreed* Really? Wait what? Why? Are from another reality?

Dragon- *Grunts disagreeing*

You- *laughs* Right...you lived so many centuries that you can understand us?

Dragon- *Disagreed*

You- ... *thinking and step back* I'll get the med kit.

*You were trying to find to medkit trying to think to much about... all that mess*

You- A dragon is talking to me...*sighs* Ok...ok. Got it! *hold the medkit and goes back to the kitchen* Mister Dragon! *He puts the nose inside the house again trought the window, scarying you* Oh! You answered fast... by the way, you're a boy?

Dragon- *grunts in agreement*

You- Ok...I think this is was positive. I'll be calling you... Dragon. Mister Dragon. You have a name? *You walks outside and he agrees* Oh! Really? Wow, you guys are very interesting.

Dragon- *lay down showing his paw*

You- You hurt yourself? Or someone hurted you? *sit down close, still scared af* I'm...look...you're not going to eat me, really?

Dragon- *sighs and agreed*

You- What do you eat? Meat? *Immediately he replied with a grunt* No? That looks negative. Fruits? Fish? Fish is meat...*no answer and you focused on the paw* I'll stop making so many...questions. This is a deep cut, Mister Dragon... I'll try the best I can.

[ashecampos]

As my bestie @bookaddict05 said “write me a modern Cinderella story but marvel” okay so yes she’s dragging me out of my writers block by my hair, so what imma try it.

Female Reader x

So anywho here’s ur modern Cinderella story.

Slipping on my baby blue converse I finally finish my outfit for the day, I look out of the window and it was quite sunny for New York, I shrug it off and grab my denim jacket which if I do say myself goes perfectly with the white dress I am wearing. I look in my mirror once more, fixing my golden hair once again before grabbing my keys and phone, stuffing both in my pockets.

Todays the day, I finally get to get out and go to the market. Finally.

“Y/NN!!” My stepmother shouts from the other room, I open the door to the room and smoke flows out of the clouded room. Wafting it away with one hand I squint to see my stepmother. “you called?” I say with a sweet smile “make yourself useful and grab me a pack of cigarettes while you are out” she shouts back a little too loud, i nod and close the door leaving her to engulf the room in smoke once more, once more am i glad we are broke, there is no fire alarm in this apartment complex. Meaning the wicked witch of Brooklyn, my step mother can stay in her room and be antisocial as she wants. As long as she doesn’t come and make my life more of a living hell. Enough of that, I grab my purse and head out of the apartment.

Walking the streets of NewYork is scary enough with the catcalling however now we have superhero’s, which of course comes hand in hand with the villains. Luckily enough the walk to the market didn’t hold any attacks so far, in the market I grab some fruits and a few packs of cigarettes as requested, I buy a few more things. As I walk out of the market I see a shoe stall, my eyes flicker over the shoes, one pair caught my eyes. I glittery pair of heels. $20. Goddamn it, so expensive. I sigh but as it seems the universe likes me today. “Hey you girl” someone says as I turn to walk away. I slowly turn around seeing red and blue, I look up a little and groan a bit, as I said earlier hero’s. And as it seems, the vigilante Spider-Man is stood in front of me.

“Can I help you?” I say looking at his mask finding it a bit weird to be talking to someone’s mask as due to being an actual human I am used to looking into peoples eyes to have a conversation not their lenses.. “did your see anyone in a purple and green outfit? old dude, kinda creepy looking fella.” He asks, as if I’m his last hope in finding whoever he is looking for. “Uh yeah, he went that way” i point down the rows of stalls, obviously lying to get this hero off of my back. The masked man does what I’d say to be a relieved sigh, he reaches into his pockets and hands me a $20 note then he says “get those shoes, they suit a damsel like you” just before he runs off the way I pointed. Just my luck, I shrug and buy the shoes, his treat.

I tumble into the apartment with those stupid paper bags in my arms, I dump the bags on the table in the kitchen, i then grab the packs of cigarettes and go to give them to my stepmother. I open the door and she is looking through her wardrobe, dresses are scattered on her bed. “I got you your cancer sticks..what’s the occasion?” I say curiously, as she never goes out.

“Get ready we have been invited to the tower for a party. Do you remember my friend Doctor Osborn? he scored us tickets to get in” she points at me as she takes the boxes of cigarettes and closes her door. I guess I should dress up then.

first though I put the shopping away, grabbing the heels and walking to my room. I flick through my clothes I own and find the perfect dress, a light blue satin dress, to go with this I choose my best jewellery. Gold of course, I put on the new heels and do my makeup and hair. An hour later I’m ready to do.

“Y/n hurry the fuck up our ride is here” my stepmom shouts from the other side of my door. I step out of the room and she huffs “you look like a slut” she mutters before walking to the door, I walk behind her as we go to the car, we then drive to the avengers complex.

-

Upon entering, we had no problem, we walk into the complex, there was like five bars in one room. That’s cool I guess “right now piss off and meet out front at 11:50 or I’m leaving you here, understood?” She says to me with a hint of hatred toward me. “Okay have fun” I say as she walks away.

-

I look around, grabbing a drink, while waiting I see a boy with brown hair. Cute. I keep looking around seeing all of the avengers in their party attire. The bartender slides the drink along the counter and just as I go to pay someone slides their card onto the scanner, I look over and it’s the same brunette I saw earlier, he smirks at me as he looks over to the bartender “put it on my tab Nat” he says with a wink to the girl.

-

I take the drink, knowing it’s not been spiked, of course I took it, a hot man just paid for it. “Thankyou” I say blushing a little “my pleasure damsel, nice shoes by the way” he smiles as he bites his lip a little, I smile at the boy while he orders his own drink, in this time I take the opportunity to look over the man. A dark blue suit and tie is contrasting against his white polo shirt, fancy.

-

Time flies, me and the man dance.A .Lot. we never ask any questions about one another, we didn’t exactly need to.

It only seemed like an hours dance but unknowingly to me it was already 11:55, I saw my stepmother from across the room, she looked pissed off, I excuse myself from the man and go over.

-

That was the last thing I remember, I am now locked in my room, the same outfit from the previous night on, my stepmother smoking in her room, there’s then a knock on the door, followed by “excuse me can whoever lives here open the door please” a deep familiar voice says. I can hear clattering and curse words outside my door. I crack the door open a little to see. Yes I picked the lock, can you blame me i am a curious creature.

And there he is. Spider-Man in my living room.

“We have received an anonymous tip that Doctor Norman Osborn is in this apartment. We have a warrant to search the place” he says sternly.

-

I keep quiet as the house is searched, I sit on my bed as he bursts through the door of my room. He freezes before closing the door and taking his mask off. “It’s you” he says in shock “it’s me” I smile a little “you can’t live here anymore, your mom is hiding a criminal in here, come to the avengers compound and live with us” he pleas holding a hand out for me to take.