#i mean it's deep in my feelings but
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Hahaa my bad, didn't mean to kill the vibe. Dont worry though, I'll be pushing everything relating to this moment as far out of my mind as possible for years until I look back and realize I was cool and funny as fuck and you were just wrong.
Yeah sorry man, didn't mean to talk over you, it's just that you've been spewing so much garbage for so long that my brain is physically tearing itself apart by the seams. If I don't stop you now, I might actually end up in a million cartoonish little bits on the floor
Hahaha, yeah I know we haven't talked in a while. I made it that way so that I don't have to think about you anymore. I didn't plan on explaining it to you, because you're a difficult person to be around to begin with.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I can't say any of that -- being direct is difficult for me, you see -- but lately I've seen you as unworthy of my time.
In my case, being nice about it is destined to be misconstrued as tolerance. Being mean about it will only solidify the false perspective that demonizes me and the people I align with.
I do my best to stay silent these days.
Haha, yeah, sorry I got too passionate -- I should calm down. It's just that you got into this thing I really like, and I love when people want to learn things I know about, and --
Oh whoops lol, sorry I was half asleep. Yeah I didn't really mean that message, where I told you about how somewhere out there -- in those infinite versions of the world -- I hope we ended up together.
The message that never got sent. I thought I knew better. Maybe I should have, just to be satisfied with erasing you from my mind, but I couldn't help my nature.
Of course, it's no problem, I understand. We were on a break -- partially, at least, because I was new to sex -- you said so yourself. You chose someone close to me to spend the night with instead. I still comforted you in the event of your grief. I don't miss you anymore -- you barely even cross my mind -- let alone come up in conversation.
I do my best to stay silent these days.
I'm sick of it.
I've masked such beautiful and powerful emotions for so long.
Fuck you. Be upset at me. If everything I love about myself is something you hate about me, so be it. We'll both be loud.
I love you. I don't care if you don't feel the same, or don't want to talk anymore. I need you to know before this stupid fucking rock gets consumed by the sun that I love you.
I will not stifle my beauty for your comfort.
I respect your boundaries with surgeons precision, but asking you to even remotely respect mine makes you upset?
Pathetic!
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Nobody holds you accountable, and that's because I do my best to stay silent these days.
I'm sick of it. I hate you. Fuck you.
I hate this. I'm so tired. I've been fighting for do long. It's so hard to ask for help, and the world is so heavy, and I just need to be held, and and and
I love you. Please stay around. I'd choose you to the ends of time, in every instance of us.
I want to live. I want to grow. I want to change. I want to move. I want to cook and take pictures and write and make music and draw and sit outside and and and
and if we get along, you can join me if you'd like
#thought dump#short story#lgbt#i like including that one for fun#queer#just to make sure we got all the right folks#nothing here is (angrily) directed at anyone here on our beloved hellsite#tw depressive#i think?#i mean it's deep in my feelings but#it's about me#it's about my expressiveness#I'm getting better#i deserve more#i love myself#struggle#hardship#literally nothing stands a chance#trans#at the end just because I'm scared and i don't expect it to be seen after all the other stuff#not really in the post itself but felt like a relevant inclusion
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"Treatment" for addiction that requires you to lock up, confine, coerce, or otherwise strip addicts of their autonomy, it isn't treatment. It is a revenge fantasy that prioritizes your desire for subjugation over the actual betterment of addicts.
#politics#addiction#addiction tw#addiction mention tw#and like i understand the desire for revenge when you feel wronged. but addiction isn't one of those circumstances#i hold a deep hatred for my abuser but i was celebrating when they weren't being criminalized for their addiction#because if that had happened that would have destroyed so many lives in such a brutal and unnecessary way#and yes they held responsibility for their actions. but that doesn't mean you can go from 0 to 1000 because of it
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Thanks.
Prev
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop nature au#fop dev#fop dale#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#art#digital art#comic#The 'Thanks' after all of that makes me so insane Im not even sure I can fully articulate why#I mean. He got what he wanted. Honesty. Thats what you wanted right Dev?#what else do you say to that#He's spent his whole life being sure he knew the answer. That deep DEEP down dale did love him#Have you ever seen that post thats like“I was bawling my eyes out and somebody told me to shut up and I was so taken aback I stopped crying#I think he was so stunned that he just stopped crying.#or like when you get so upset that your feelings turn themselves off to protect you#is that a normal thing that happens to people Erm. anyway#Sorry lol as someone born to parents who.. should not have had me. Writing dale basically admitting as much is actually really cathartic#He shouldnt have had Dev. He doesnt love him. He cant. Dev cant do anything to change it. Its just a fact.#Hes not 1:1 with my parents they tried their best ig but like. their best was still pretty awful child neglect LOL
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So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.
See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.
But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...
What is the difference between this and this?
Here's the thing. Leather pants in period dramas isn't new. You've got your Vikings, Tudors, Outlander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Once Upon a Time, Will, The Musketeers, even Shakespeare in Love - they love to shove people in leather and call it a day. But where does this come from?
Obviously we have the modern connotations. Modern leather clothes developed in a few subcultures: cowboys drew on Native American clothing. (Allegedly. This is a little beyond my purview, I haven't seen any solid evidence, and it sounds like the kind of fact that people repeat a lot but is based on an assumption. I wouldn't know, though.) Leather was used in some WWI and II uniforms.
But the big boom came in the mid-C20th in motorcycle, punk/goth, and gay subcultures, all intertwined with each other and the above. Motorcyclists wear leather as practical protective gear, and it gets picked up by rock and punk artists as a symbol of counterculture, and transferred to movie designs. It gets wrapped up in gay and kink communities, with even more countercultural and taboo meanings. By the late C20th, leather has entered mainstream fashion, but it still carries those references to goths, punks, BDSM, and motorbike gangs, to James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Mick Jagger. This is whence we get our Spikes and Dave Listers in 1980s/90s media, bad boys and working-class punks.
And some of the above "historical" design choices clearly build on these meanings. William Shakespeare is dressed in a black leather doublet to evoke the swaggering bad boy artist heartthrob, probably down on his luck. So is Kit Marlowe.
But the associations get a little fuzzier after that. Hook, with his eyeliner and jewellery, sure. King Henry, yeah, I see it. It's hideously ahistorical, but sure. But what about Jamie and Will and Ragnar, in their browns and shabby, battle-ready chic? Well, here we get the other strain of Bad Period Drama Leather.
See, designers like to point to history, but it's just not true. Leather armour, especially in the western/European world, is very, very rare, and not just because it decays faster than metal. (Yes, even in ancient Greece/Rome, despite many articles claiming that as the start of the leather armour trend!) It simply wasn't used a lot, because it's frankly useless at defending the body compared to metal. Leather was used as a backing for some splint armour pieces, and for belts, sheathes, and buckles, but it simply wasn't worn like the costumes above. It's heavy, uncomfortable, and hard to repair - it's simply not practical for a garment when you have perfectly comfortable, insulating, and widely available linen, wool, and cotton!
As far as I can see, the real influence on leather in period dramas is fantasy. Fantasy media has proliferated the idea of leather armour as the lightweight choice for rangers, elves, and rogues, a natural, quiet, flexible material, less flashy or restrictive than metal. And it is cheaper for a costume department to make, and easier for an actor to wear on set. It's in Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Runescape, and World of Warcraft.
And I think this is how we get to characters like Ragnar and Vane. This idea of leather as practical gear and light armour, it's fantasy, but it has this lineage, behind which sits cowboy chaps and bomber/flight jackets. It's usually brown compared to the punk bad boy's black, less shiny, and more often piecemeal or decorated. In fact, there's a great distinction between the two Period Leather Modes within the same piece of media: Robin Hood (2006)! Compare the brooding, fascist-coded villain Guy of Gisborne with the shabby, bow-wielding, forest-dwelling Robin:
So, back to the original question: What's the difference between Charles Vane in Black Sails, and Edward Teach in Our Flag Means Death?
Simply put, it's intention. There is nothing intentional about Vane's leather in Black Sails. It's not the only leather in the show, and it only says what all shabby period leather says, relying on the same tropes as fantasy armour: he's a bad boy and a fighter in workaday leather, poor, flexible, and practical. None of these connotations are based in reality or history, and they've been done countless times before. It's boring design, neither historically accurate nor particularly creative, but much the same as all the other shabby chic fighters on our screens. He has a broad lineage in Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean and such, but that's it.
In Our Flag, however, the lineage is much, much more intentional. Ed is a direct homage to Mad Max, the costuming in which is both practical (Max is an ex-cop and road warrior), and draws on punk and kink designs to evoke a counterculture gone mad to the point of social breakdown, exploiting the thrill of the taboo to frighten and titillate the audience.
In particular, Ed is styled after Max in the second movie, having lost his family, been badly injured, and watched the world turn into an apocalypse. He's a broken man, withdrawn, violent, and deliberately cutting himself off from others to avoid getting hurt again. The plot of Mad Max 2 is him learning to open up and help others, making himself vulnerable to more loss, but more human in the process.
This ties directly into the themes of Our Flag - it's a deliberate intertext. Ed's emotional journey is also one from isolation and pain to vulnerability, community, and love. Mad Max (intentionally and unintentionally) explores themes of masculinity, violence, and power, while Max has become simplified in the popular imagination as a stoic, badass action hero rather than the more complex character he is, struggling with loss and humanity. Similarly, Our Flag explores masculinity, both textually (Stede is trying to build a less abusive pirate culture) and metatextually (the show champions complex, banal, and tender masculinities, especially when we're used to only seeing pirates in either gritty action movies or childish comedies).
Our Flag also draws on the specific countercultures of motorcycles, rockers, and gay/BDSM culture in its design and themes. Naturally, in such a queer show, one can't help but make the connection between leather pirates and leather daddies, and the design certainly nods at this, with its vests and studs. I always think about this guy, with his flat cap so reminiscient of gay leather fashions.
More overtly, though, Blackbeard and his crew are styled as both violent gangsters and countercultural rockstars. They rove the seas like a bikie gang, free and violent, and are seen as icons, bad boys and celebrities. Other pirates revere Blackbeard and wish they could be on his crew, while civilians are awed by his reputation, desperate for juicy, gory details.
This isn't all of why I like the costuming in Our Flag Means Death (especially season 1). Stede's outfits are by no means accurate, but they're a lot more accurate than most pirate media, and they're bright and colourful, with accurate and delightful silks, lace, velvets, and brocades, and lovely, puffy skirts on his jackets. Many of the Revenge crew wear recognisable sailor's trousers, and practical but bright, varied gear that easily conveys personality and flair. There is a surprising dedication to little details, like changing Ed's trousers to fall-fronts for a historical feel, Izzy's puffy sleeves, the handmade fringe on Lucius's red jacket, or the increasing absurdity of navy uniform cuffs between Nigel and Chauncey.
A really big one is the fact that they don't shy away from historical footwear! In almost every example above, we see the period drama's obsession with putting men in skinny jeans and bucket-top boots, but not only does Stede wear his little red-heeled shoes with stockings, but most of his crew, and the ordinary people of Barbados, wear low boots or pumps, and even rough, masculine characters like Pete wear knee breeches and bright colours. It's inaccurate, but at least it's a new kind of inaccuracy, that builds much more on actual historical fashions, and eschews the shortcuts of other, grittier period dramas in favour of colour and personality.
But also. At least it fucking says something with its leather.
#everyone say 'thank you togas' for not including a long tangent about evil rimmer in red dwarf 5x05#Our Flag Means Death#Togas does meta#and yes these principles DO fall apart slightly in s2 and i DON'T like those costumes as much#don't get me wrong they're fun and gorgeous - but generally a bit less deep and more inaccurate. so. :(#I'm not sure this really says anything new about Our Flag but I just needed to get my thoughts out#i hate hate hate Gritty Period Drama costumes they're so boring and so ugly and so wrong#god bless OFMD for using more than 3 muted colours and actually putting men in heels (and not as a shorthand for rich/foppish villainy) <3#looking at that Tudors still is insane like they really will go to any lengths to not make men feel like they've got bare legs XD#image descriptions in alt text#and yes i DID just sink about two hours into those so you'd better appreciate them
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in the nicest and most non-confrontational way possible. i feel like some of you think that anything that isn't directly openly spelled out for you within a story is "missed potential" or "unexplored." like. sometimes there are implied narratives. sometimes the point is that you as the reader are supposed to think and draw your own conclusions and participate in the story. the writers not directly spelling every little detail out for you doesn't mean that the story is poorly written or missed its own plot details somehow. PLEASE.
#if i get one more comment referring to zelda's draconification as wasted potential im going to lose it for real#that's not unexplored potential that is THE ENTIRE STORY. JUST BECAUSE THEY DONT BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT THERE#i get this all the time with just like. link's trauma in general too.#like people will ask me 'do you think they should explore link's trauma more' and im like. they do#that's what the games are about. it's all there. they just don't directly state that that's what they're doing because theyre expecting you#as a reader to ENGAGE WITH THE DAMN TEXT BEYOND SURFACE LEVEL. UGHHHHHHH#WHATEVER. whatever#like i feel like some of you would read the great gatsby and be like#'there was a lot of missed potential to talk about the failure of the american dream' GIRL IT'S RIGHT THERE. JUST THINK A LITTLE#personal#and yeah obviously its not that deep its a video game but like. i am not making shit up when i write my comics and analysis.#I AM ENGAGING WITH THE TEXT. AS IS GENERALLY EXPECTED OF A READER#ugh ok whatever. im done now sorry
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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I am very sane and normal :D
#my art#sonic the hedgehog#sth#IAMDID#shadow the hedgehog#captain shadow#pirate sonic#sonic pirate au#pirate au#sonadow#this is technically a spoiler but it’s a small one and from early chapters so eeeh#drawing this scene because I’ve been stuck in a meeting for four hours and I can’t write it#I have fallen so deep into the sail ship rabbit hole#my hyper fixation for sonic is dragging me into an hyper fixation for pirates and ships#and idk how to feel about that#I mean it’s super cool but I have been neglecting so much stuff for the brain worms#hyper fixation is fun until you can’t work anymore because the only thing you can think about are sails#HENDHAKDNHAHAHAHA
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“Advance takes place before both adventure games!!1!!11” my brother in Christ. If this was supposedly set before sa2 then why would Sonic stay Super in space by himself for DAYS & come back w a solemn expression before smiling at the player to congratulate them for beating the game
#like we never talk abt this as a fandom literally why#this is among one of the more unhinged things he’s done#ik it’s probably that deep but to me it absolutely is#I don’t love the advance games gameplay wise just bcs special stages grrrr but#I like their function in the modern canon bcs it feels like a back to the basics for Sonc n gang#like they’ve just be slapped in the middle of two cataclysmic events the past two mainline console titles let’s give them#a little more chill catastrophe if yk what I mean#sonic the hedgehog#sth#miles prower#tails the fox#amy rose#knuckles the echidna#sonic advance#sa2#do I tag him#I will actually#shadow the hedgehog#the correct order in my head is sonic 4 ➡️ sa1 ➡️ shuffle ➡️ sa2 ➡️ advance 1/2 ➡️ heroes ➡️ advance 3
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some old pre-s2 ‘concept art’ about surviving a storm..
#ofmd#our flag means death#artists on tumblr#stede afraid ed went overboard or smth#im cleaning out my wips#you know when you have OLD art but feels bad to just let it waste away?#i wish i had more to offer lol#btw remember the deep fandom lore of that one tumblr convincingly pretending to be djenkins. iirc this was based on one of their posts lol
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“Now and then, I miss you / Now and then, I want you to be there for me / Always to return to me,” (...) It’s a passage where Lennon’s yearning for McCartney intertwines with Paul’s mourning for John, a shared grieving for the partnership that defined both their lives. link
"Now and Then" is 81-year-old Paul McCartney finishing a song of John Lennon, who has been gone for almost 43 years.
But it is also 15-year-old Paul finishing a song of the boy who wandered around Liverpool with him, talking about their future and love of music.
It is 18-year-old Paul finishing a song of the guy who picked him as his partner and took him to play nightclubs in Hamburg.
It is 20-year-old Paul finishing a song of the lad who wanted to write song after song with him.
It is 23-year-old Paul finishing a song of the man he made history with.
It is 24-year-old Paul finishing a song of the soulmate who shared his visions.
It is 26-year-old Paul finishing a song of the person who serenaded him eating a cupcake.
It is 31-year-old Paul finishing a song of John, who loved him in his own way.
And it is 39-year-old Paul finishing a song of the friend he just lost.
gif source
#yeah sorry#long ass post#I am really deep in my feels about the song coming out#and now we know there'll be a music video with unseen footage#I'm just not ready#I don't mean to negate Ringo's and George's contribution with this but I really feel this song is mainly Paul trying to fix something#now and then#john lennon#paul mccartney#the beatles#john and paul#mclennon
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THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF GHOST ⛧ DAY TWO
the song that made you a fan — Spillways
“This is an elegy for the darkness that most people have inside. When you have a dam, spillways are the run-offs so the dam won’t overflow. That darkness inside us needs to find its way out,” — Tobias Forge
Job 10:1 "I loathe my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul."
#ghost31#papa emeritus iv#user copia edits#the band ghost#user copia all tag#spillways#flashing gif#what is the footage so blurry for smh. supposed to be hd#this was the first song from ghost i listened to in full and what a fitting beginning#if i start to talk about how much it means to me i'll be here all day#it's with me for life this one#i feel like everyone in some way can get something from it#regardless of how serious or deep their personal situation is#there's always an opportunity for a bit of self acceptance#damn i said i wouldnt start doing this skdhbkjhds#i'll stop now but sending hugs to anyone who has ever found something in these lyrics or even just the word 'spillways'#extra love to those who have hated themselves because of the spillways of your soul#i hope you've found at least the beginning of peace with it#i have and this song was my beginning#..... even more love to autistic people lmao#ANYWAY. BYE.
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Trans dude whose favourite NFL team are the Packers
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#trans meme#do NOT talk NFL with me though because i don't care for american football#i know how the game generally goes but i was a band kid#my friend was an angel for reminding me about this#im now a Packers fan just because of how meta this is holy shit#ngl though wisconsin does not feel like a real state and i always forget it exists#actually anything too north or deep in the midwest just doesn't seem real to me#actually this is goving me an existential crisis because what do you MEAN these states are actually real#(yes i know these states are real and i have always known they exist. i just never hear shit from them so i always forgor they exist)#i wonder if people do that with my state (insert [REDACTED] state)
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Congrats, now all I'm going to be able to think about all day long is Chifeng-zun being stunned into silence by the sight of Meng Yao's braids, the same as if he had never left. His hand reaches out and clenches in mid-air, while Jin Guangyao stands shell-shocked and panicking, or blissfully oblivious to how Nie Mingjue's world is tilting on its axis. He could be mad, the rage that almost let him call the Unclean Realm home making Hensheng thrum: because what right does Nie Mingjue have to want him now, when he finally has a place he belongs? And why does want to quit it all for him?
Anyway, now you can share in my brain worms~
In that moment, something was communicated
unfortunately, neither knew exactly what it was
#i'm right there with you anon i'm constantly rotating these two in my head#mdzs#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#nieyao#jgy#nmj#perpetually obsessed with jgy's nie braids#''i am going to the effort of - every single day - doing up my hair in a way that directly reminds me of you. which very directly ties me t#you and your family. and then i am covering it up completely to ensure that no one - least of all you - will ever know they exist.#and then i'll take them out and do the exact same thing tomorrow. i hate you. i fear you. i want you dead. i will continue to do this.''#hi what does any of that MEAN#what does it MEAN meng yao???#and lord knows that nmj would never know. does jgy actually do it just for himself? if so what does that mean?#or did he do this with the INTENTION that nmj should ''accidentally'' see them? and if so what does THAT mean?#is this real? a ruse? if the latter how many layers deep does it go? is it worth figuring out? or is it easier just to get angry?#i feel so normal about it#what would he do if something dislodged his hat and nmj actually saw them? no idea but i want to read 100 fics with that premise#and see every possible permeation#my art#i'm not sure why i felt like going with this black and white style but i haven't done anything like this in years so it was fun#normally i do them with actual markers so this was honestly relaxing like easy mode
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I'M GONNA SEE MY MAN, 'TIL I GET SATISFIED / for @izzy-hands
#ofmdedit#ourflagmeansdeathedit#ofmd#our flag means death#edward teach#izzy hands#israel hands#edits#ofmd spoilers#useravia#userbecca#i started this as a tribute to the character and by association my dear avia who knows her faves and her messy old men#but it wasn't supposed to be so angsty i wanted something to cheer you up! forgive me hon gsdgs-d#the absolute chokehold this song has on me carried me away i suppose#no one look to closely at the shade of magenta cause they're inconsistent as hell#but i could talk for HOURS about the intricacies of this dynamic#don't even really care ship-wise#just the absolute queer insanity that is to be stuck in such a vicious cyle of love and loyalty so deep#they turn ugly and they make monsters and you feel those monsters are your responsibility cause 'you and i made him like this'#so you endure!!!!! cause when's a monster not a monster!!!! oh when you love it#and other tragic quotes
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Izzy Hands: The Moon.
Re-imagined from the traditional Rider-Waite-Smith tarot, this version of the Moon shows Izzy taking the shape of a lone Lover, longing for what he cannot reach.
Longer exploration of the card's symbolism under the cut.
Symbolism of the card
I initially meant this card to be specifically Izzy's, but he is once again unseparable from Ed. Though the moon itself is depicted as Ed, it is through Izzy that I interpret the journey of the card. Feel free to invent your own interpretation as well!
In the original version of the Moon we see a dog, a wolf, and a crayfish. Izzy takes the place of the wolf, marking him as wild and untameable. He is accompanied by a dog, symbolizing his loyalty. The crayfish has retreated, and we can see a monster lurking in the depths of the water, reminding us of the beasts that lie within.
Rachel Pollack (2011) writes: "The Moon signifies the dangerous time between the end of one world structure and the beginning of another. On the emotional level it can indicate the strange state when something powerful has ended and you find yourself thrown back on your instincts."
In the card Izzy already has his wooden leg. He his stepping into his role as the Unicorn, marking a shift in his loyalty and his place in the world. His reign as Blackbeard's first mate is ending, and a whole new world order is being imagined.
Ed is also seen in a new light. With his short beard, he is at the end of his captaincy, possibly even at the end of his piracy. He as the Moon is illuminated by the light of the Sun, personified by Stede in another card, The Sun.
Izzy bears witness to their combined light, unreachable to him on the ground. He teeters at the edge of the water illuminated by that very light, and is faced with a choice. Will he turn, follow the path and try to reach the unreachable? Or will he explore the unknown waters in front of him?
In tarot, water symbolizes emotions, intuition and subconscious. Pollack writes: "Here in the unknown territory our animal selves take over. We cannot suppress the wild emotions but only travel through them." The message of the Moon beckons Izzy to step into the water and face his emotions.
However, there are also dangers in the murky waters of the subconscious. Pollack continues: "The Moon card calls forth powerful dreams, visions, and the power of the feminine." In tarot water is a feminine element. Izzy, a beacon of masculinity, has in the past confused the feminine with the monstrous. He is now dared to invite the feminine within him to the surface. His posture already mirrors that of the feminine lover from the Lovers-card. It also calls back to the Fool, to someone at the beginning of their self-discovery.
Tl;dr: Izzy, the Fool and the Lover, is on a journey from one world to another. Will he follow the path and try to reach the unreachable, or will he find the courage to plunge into unknown waters?
A comparison between the original Rider-Waite-Smith card from 1909 and the re-imagined version
Izzy's pose mirrors the feminine Lover
Sources
Image source: Pamela Colman Smith, 1909, republished as Tarot of A. E. Waite, 2016, AGM-Urania, Germany
Text source: Rachel Pollack, A Journey of 78 Steps, 2011, as cited in the booklet for instruction and guidance of Tarot of A. E. Waite, 2016, AGM-Urania, Germany
#there is even more symbolism in the lighthouses that are topped with the domes from the Tower but it's so much already#it's about the journey between life and death#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#edizzy#steddyhands#blackhands#i'm tagging this as ships cause i ship them all and i made this with shipperly intentions#even if it's not like explicitly shipping content#ed teach#edward teach#blackbeard#gosh i went to some deep waters with this myself#i mean there is so much to interpret here#is izzy shooting for the moon with ed? has he lifted ed high on the pedestal himself?#what does it mean that the water is lit by moonlight?#to me this is the point in fics where izzy does not yet know how he would fit in the steddyhands triangle and doesn't see it possible#and maybe it won't be unless he accepts some things and allows himself to feel#but it can also be read that he needs to let ed go#in either case water is discovery and acceptance#i am planning to make ed the star and stede the sun as well!#my fanart
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you know when everyone hates your blorbo so going through the fanfics are just “not blorbo friendly” “blorbo bashing” and you aren’t SUPER into your blorbo so you’re not sad or angry necessarily but you are just wondering what you missed that made 3/4 of the fandom abhor your blorbo
#i’ll start reading fics and then wonder why the writing is so mean to one character and then i realise i missed a tag#i’ve gotten pretty deep into fics with bashing and then had to back out because so often the bashing is just mischaracterisation#like some bashing is GOOD the character is still themself and still doing realistic things#they have emotions and they’re complicated and the author bashes them and it’s fine#but sometimes i feel like the fandom just wants a nice easy scapegoat to point at and blame for everything#so they pick X character and just go to town bashing them#and it’s fine but sometimes frustrating when that character is one of my blorbos
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