#i mean im just some teenager
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1. Changed my logo, but I'm keeping my pfp bc I like the color,
2. This isn't fanart, just a sketch based off of a dream I had and I plan to paint
HOLD MY
HAND
PANIC
( Until I Can Breathe
Again.... )
I do realize I spelled Breathe wrong, I fixed that after I took the photo
I'm planning on making the background black so all of the outlines will be white, and the H M H || ( U I C B A....) and hands will be white as well, but the PANIC will be a bright red and the lungs'll be a pastel pink with red shading, the spirally thing that's in the middle of the lungs will probably also have some red highlights.
I tried my best to make the lungs look like, idk, like they're being squeezed and going in and are being sucked into the middle of themselves? I don't know how to describe it but I don't think I did it all that well so if you have any suggestions I'd love some, ty
At the top, it's supposed to be a puff of air, but I think it looks more like a brain and so now I'm debating if I should try to do anything with that, or if I should leave it as a puff of air.
I'm probably going to use acrylic or oil paint for this, watercolor doesn't really fit the vibe I'm going for, but I might do the background (black) in watercolor to give some dimension or something
#[ nana {♡} mizu ]#my art#sketch#artwork#artists on tumblr#art#idk what to tag this as#panic attack#ig#or an#anxiety attack#idk a picture can have a million meanings#just because im the creator doesn't mean i know its every meaning#i mean theres no 'right meaning'#you can interpret this anyway youd like#i mean im just some teenager#i dont know shit
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Puyo/Madou, meet ISAT. ISAT, meet Puyo/Madou. I'm sure you have everything in common and this is not at all a completely random crossover of my two current interests
#dont look at Salde for rhe love of my sanity do not even percieve Salde i dint kwno what ifmf doing g#art#fanart#ISAT#puyo puyo#in stars and time#madou monogatari#kitscribbles#sig puyo puyo#schezo wegey#arle nadja#ringo ando#sig really do be sig no last name#prince salde#their ages are different in this one. oldest to youngest - schezo > arle > sig > ringo > salde#you see that stubble on Sig thats baby stubble. thats unfortunate facial hair on a teenager#sometimes it works out for people still in their teens but not sig#Ringo is!! Perhaps a bit too young to travel!! She's basically a foreign exchange student#i have to admit all the roles and dynamics in ISAT are NOT 1:1 in this AU#i have it all mixed up#when i say sig and schezo are besties i mean theyre both awkward with people they just happen to have an understanding. also sig bullies hi#Sig is he/they here!! I dont usually mess with canon genders (hella respect those who do) but honestly i just like it for Sig...#I still need to learn more about Salde but imma just go ahead and say that Salde is kid gender#Was tempted to hide Sig's lil hair thingies under his hat but then was like. Why would i do that#favorite joke in all this is that Schezo tried so hard to Change that he fucked up his own speech patterns and now socializing is. well#sig didnt shave before the loops and now he has to do that every time or suffer the teasing of his friends at some point in the house#thanks guys im going insane over here and youre laughing. going nonverbal now#How does Salde balance a fish on their head? uhhhhh well you see. have you ever balanced a massive bag of frozen peas#Salde doesnt cook but there's money in that fish. Nobody feels comfortable enough to ask a kid for cash but they WILL reward good behavior#in puyos and time
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i have to speak my truth. i think timkon clone baby aus fucking suck
#rimi talks#here's the thing. you take a traumatized teenager and give them a baby. you're going to further traumatize the teen AND the baby#you take a traumatized teenager and say ''hey your bff nonconsensually cloned you while you were dead and now there's a child''........#LIKE THATS NOT GREAT. THATS NOT GREAT!#and like. if it's in-character tim is horribly depressed and grieving. kon has just successfully committed suicide via heroics and come BAC#NEITHER of them is going to be a good parent because of how they are STILL TEENAGERS THEMSELVES#and im just so fundamentally NOT interested in seeing my favs be shitty parents who unintentionally traumatize a child#.....hey wait. is that the appeal? to batman fans i mean. since. yknow. that's what batman does--#anyways ive never seen a single one of these posts that suggests the op has even heard of kon's clone rights feelings#clone baby guardian arc in sb94 you will always be fucking famous#but hey i mean why bother being in-character or anything when you can do fluff thats ooc to the point of unrecognizability i guess#this is tangentially also how i feel about people who say steph couldve kept the baby + raised it with tim. bro they were 15#but its soo much more egregious with kon because he has NO ability to consent to this. he is dead.#he forgives tim afterwards because tim already knows it was fucked up to do and he was wrong#THATS SIGNIFICANT. BECAUSE THERE *IS* SOMETHING FOR KON TO FORGIVE#frankly if kon returned from the dead and tim was like hey i cloned you and made a child. it'd destroy their relationship#he'd be sympathetic and he would be kind to the child but his ability to trust tim would be shattered by that#and again im just NOT interested in that story!!!!#and neither is anyone else who does this trope i think because no one doing this trope actually gives a shit about kon's character afaict :#OH WELL. whatever . i block and i move on and also i bitch about it in the tags on a personal post. you know how it is#now im gonna go play some more hades. ive gotta beat extreme measures 4 with every weapon
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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i would still pitch an episodic cartoon that follows a kid in the foster care system and each episode/every few episodes follows their life in a different house with a different wacky foster family like a super hippie family or a strict military family etc you know the stereotypes as well as meeting other foster kids. with the goal of finding like the Perfect family. it would be really fun to write and also i think normalizing kids in foster care for a short time or a long time is a good thing for everyone
#by pitching of course i mean that it will never see the light of day bcuz im not making a cartoon show#and networks cancel every show after one season if they even get picked up to begin with#but yknow i think it could be fun!!!!#another concept i had was where a group of like five or so ghosts that are like different stereotypes and died in different decades#like a super girly girl 2000s teenager or a businessman from the 50s#all find a dead body to possess so they can interact with the living world again#but theres only ONE dead body and like eight of them#plus the dead body is just some random middle aged guy so it seems slightly insane for him to be acting like that#less ideas for that one but would also be fun i love weird crazy ghost cartoons#txt
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unnerving to see people younger than me living their lives and doing adult stuff successfully. stop that you're supposed to eat ice cream for dinner and be unemployed
#stop making me look bad by having a husband and a baby rn you're 22 fr 😭#tho i do have two friends who got married at 18 and 21 and actually i look good compared to them bc everyone they know was like stoppppp#they dated for ike 4 months before getting engaged lmao#but some people who got married young are actually doing okay and normal and that makes me look bad lol#not necessarily always abt marriage tho#people younger than me with an actual career or grown up job make me feel this way also#anyway#every day im living a life indistinguishable from when i was a teenager and many people my age are already parents with mortgages and such#😐😐😐#anyway i spent my grown up job money on some flowers and now i have no job bc i let my mean supervisor bully me into quitting#i also spent grown up job money on an oven (successfully) and a car (unsuccessfully)#i am rlly just out here.... telletubby with a credit card fr#job just give you money and you can spend it on whatever you want (but watch out)#anyway car was a piece of garbage that couldn't pass inspection 😔#was so proud of myself paying cash for my first car but there's a reason it was that cheap lmao
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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can i just say im absolutely fucking terrified for the election its not even funny
#at first it was like haha we're fucked#but now its like#holy shit we're fucked#actually concerned for some people's mental stability#i still need to watch the vp debate but oml#i just dont understand#how some people can be so absolutely stupid and selfish and racist assholes#yet SOMEHOW have people supporting them#yall know who im talking about#i fucking cant#and im under 18 so i cant even vote#we're fucked we're so absolutely completely fucked and i cant do anything about it#but seriously its worrying#how do you have less common sense than a teenage girl who barely knows anything about politics#like dudes please grow the fuck up#you should have to take a test to be able to run for president#or vp omfg dont get me fucking started on jd vance#whatever its fine#i mean its not but what am i gonna do about it#ugh sorry i was looking at politics stuff idk why i did that#ruins my day actually#ugh
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me whenever the short story "something ends, something begins" is mentioned, or not even mentioned, but i have an opportunity to mention it myself
#it is my FAVORITE... if i may bestow such a title... but it's like the witcher fandom's best kept worst-forgotten secret#i love jokes i love in-jokes and i love non-canon presents and silly imaginings that will never be real#im sorry the bouquet looks a little cheap at least it is of white roses which is what yennefer had#i was too busy focusing photoshopping a folk vest on elmo's little body#because i wish to eat a third donut#witcher memes#the witcher#story: something ends something begins#the witcher books#i mean sesb just has some of my favorite favorite moments of all time#''course i know. that's why i don't get married' top 10 dandelion-est dandelion moments#nenneke being their officiant... AUGH#ciri having teenage angst (intense revenge fantasies) so much she almost couldn't enjoy her parents' wedding#GERALT CALLING CIRI HIS DAUGHTERRRR#(which doesnt even happen in the saga if you can believe it!)#yennefer healing ciri and dirtying her dress...#ciri#yennefer#geralt of rivia#dandelion#geralt and yen finally getting hitched and dandelion giving a toast (or roast ?)#wishing the couple a great wedding night for which yennefer kicked him in the shin... so in character i love it
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i got bored so i accepted a friend request from some random guy on snap and the first thing he said was “wyll” so i blocked him 😭
#might’ve been a little mean but i am NOT sending pics of myself to some rando white dude 🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️#can guys start actual conversations for once instead of asking the driest most boring ass questions ever 🤔#trick question: the answer is no#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#girlblogging#this is a girlblog#just girly things#hell is a teenage girl#this is what makes us girls#im gonna cry#kms
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i dont wanna exaggerate and use terms like "personal responsibility" and "doing the right thing", implying that there's any amount of like, homework that you need to do, any kind of requirement in your day to day life - but i do think that sometimes you gotta do a nice thing for a kid, y'know? don't you remember how nice it was, being a kid, when someone older than you or cooler than you or more talented or capable than you said something or did something that showed that you, like, existed as a non-negative and non-detrimental entity? it's so hard, being a kid. tell them they're doing a good job. encourage them to go be human beings. do nice things for kids. c'mon. it's always worth it
#shut up me#thinking about this as im doing artfight#the amount of kids freaking out because someone actually drew them something#also when i say 'kid' i usually mean someone who's a noteworthy amount younger than me#but also be nice to children and teenagers. it's hard enough out there dude. tell a baby emo you like their style. theyll cry#just like. pass it along. i literally have like saved and printed out an old piece of art someone made for me in like#2014? of some oc i'd made back in the day. nobody had ever like. cared before. it made my year#we really just arent gonna make it unless we help each other and kids need that really bad
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god nothing infuriates me like ao3 writers and nsfw fanartists acting like they are sex workers. like they will look at an explicitly anti sex work bill and be like "this is bad bc think of how it will affect our precious queer ao3!!!! they'll take the whole site down probably!!!!!!!!" im going to kill you with hammers
#kosa is less specifically targeting sex work and very much IS focused on lgbt content i will acknowledge that#but some things arent about youuuuuuuu#also like ao3 is not on these peoples radar and if you dont MAKE A BILLION TWEETS ABOUT IT every time this happens#it will stay that way#now i sound like one of them#im not trying to be like omg ao3 is a big secret we have to keep it safe or whatever#im just saying like they talk like all the republicans know what it is and are coming for it and like#they dont. but there are absolutely people in your replies (or who you are replying to) discovering it because you talked about it#i dont think it is going to be on the front lines of the right wing culture war okay i really dont#they barely know what tumblr is and their whole thing is an anti trans teenager crusade#i mean they do mention tumblr sometimes but not with any real awareness#r.txt
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im trying to wrap my head around why i dont get enthusiastic about reddit style fiction (not a dig but a descriptor) like scp and shit like that, bc its not that i can’t enjoy them but i think its like… when stuff is framed as if it were real, but its fiction, its like, well KNOWING its fiction eliminates a huge element of the intrigue, but also, crucially, i like character-driven stories, or at least stories WITH characters. but i also like it when things are interesting for said characters to experience, like, i want the ghosts and monsters and conspiracies but i want the characters to be character-ing, yknow? not that i dont enjoy slice of life and… what would u call the first thing, non-character specific horror? idk? but i prefer when its both. its like i love kirk and spock but also i do enjoy watching them Experience Situations when i watch star trek. i enjoy the idea of spooky national forest monsters that arent real but experiencing it alongside a character would be better, and i want more trans and gay characters whose lives are clearly trans and gay but i want a plotline to unfold too
#i dont think im saying anything different or interesting im just#listening to a wendigoon podcast thats one of his things just#explaining a classic reddit horror story#and ig i enjoy the concept of this one more#but it leaves me thinking like#ok so why do i not wanna hear about this that much….?#and also why i dont rly give a fuck about scp at all when my friends tell me about it#or the mystery flesh pit thing#and its the same reason i didnt give a shit about 2017 IT but loved the 1990 mini series. connecting to the damn characters!!!#i guess i ought to give shit a try again i mean i did read creepypastas once when i was a teenager and enjoyed it#i had a similar thought thw other day when they announced another new star trek aos flashback movie#not that it explicitly said anything about this sort of stuff but like#i just remember hearing some ppl in a college course i was in talking about aos and like ohh the flashbacks to kirks childhood!!!#but in that ‘discussing superheroes’ way of like ‘oh this is good bc it checked the correct canon box!’#like idk dawg i do enjoy fact gathering about characters i love but thats not why i love them?#ok that rly was a tangent i just dont vibe w scp. but if you put a mulder and scully situation in there with it. boom. id be there. ok????#its almost like theres a reason this formula has proven to be so successful over and over and over again
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