#i mean im at an age where i genuinely dont fucking care like im into who im into. im so beyond a label

[spohkh]

me asking my friends who are attracted to men if that clip of mingyu svt did anything for them bc i literally feel absolutely nothing

[zyonsay]

Een Nacht JOOST KLEIN

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: An unplanned encounter led to a fun adventure.

Reader: Male, Tattoed

Warnings: NSFW, Unprotected sex, swearing, alcohol, cigarettes

Now playing: 'One of the girls' by The Weeknd, Lily-Rose Depp & JENNIE from BLACKPINK

AN: Hello everyone <3 i've been gone for a while and i still dont have much time to write, but i got overcome by my joost klein obsession.. again. I hope y'all enjoy this. I expected to write like 2k words, it ended up being 4,5k. Take care!

#Justice for Joost

...7 Missed Calls from ‘Millie’

Your best friend and roommate had left you hanging for a one-night stand, to put it shortly.

Tonight was Joost Klein’s concert in your area and you had bought these tickets ages ago. Both you and your roomie were huge fans of his music and planned on having the most amazing time ever. That was until she texted you, a few minutes after the time you had planned to meet at.

‘Hey dude, im soooo sorry, but I just met this really amazing dude at the library and I really wanna take him home ymwim?? I hope you still have an amazing time, byeeee!’

Saying you were angry was a brutal understatement. Absolutely fuming fit better. But nevertheless, you had so much fun at the concert. You didn’t need Millie to have a good time, you hope he at least fucked her well if she’s going to miss a Joost Klein concert for that. But this isn’t about Millie, this is about you jumping around all night and screaming your heart out.

All good things must come to an end and so did the concert. Joost thanked the crowd dearly and seemed really happy with the performance. Now that you had gathered your stuff, you pulled out your phone and prepared to walk to the bus station. Should be a 23-minute walk. An interesting insta reel popped up on your phone, your eyes were practically glued to the screen. That was until you inelegantly collided with someone. “Oh, I’m sorry!” You had your phone in a death grip, it had almost dropped to the floor. “My bad, I didn’t look where I was going!” Then you were greeted with the sight of a messy bleach blonde head of hair and two bright, blue eyes. This was Joost Klein himself. +A shy smile crept onto your face; you didn’t know what else to say. “Yeah, I’d be shocked too if I was standing in front of a celebrity.”, his attitude seemed cocky, but in a playful way. He was beaming, his grin as bright as the moon. Without thinking much, you opened your mouth to speak: “haha, exactly.” The sarcasm was dripping from your voice. “You seem happy, the concert went really well.”, you offered him a genuine smile. “Yes! I loved the crowd.”, his eyes lit up, “the numbers could be better though, at least my manager says so. But that’s just how the art industry is.” He kept rambling to you like he already knew you for ages. “Sorry, you probably don’t care. Oh yeah, and I forgot to ask for your name.” Joost lazily smiled at you. “I’m Y/n. I totally get that thing about the numbers. It’s difficult when you’re doing art as a job.” His gaze softened slightly. “It’s hard bringing in new fans when there are new artists every day. There’s always a younger, more talented artist out there.” His smile turned into a rather sad one, maybe he wasn’t so happy after all? “But I think you got something special going. Something different than those soundcloud rappers, you know?”, you chuckled lightly, “I think your music is true art.” For a moment he seemed to taste your words on his tongue. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while. “You seem like you do art too?”, Joost raised an eyebrow in genuine curiosity. “Yeah, I’m not that relevant though.” An awkward feeling crept over you; you scratched the back of your neck. “Ah, I don’t wanna hear it.” He barely let you finish your sentence. “I bet your really talented. I mean just your vibe right now!” Joost was now standing pretty close to you. He tended to close the distance between him and the person he’s talking to. Personal space is not in his vocabulary.

A quick glance to your phone screen revealed that your bus was about to leave in three minutes. Doesn’t matter, you’re striking up a good conversation with one of your favorite singers right now. “That’s so nice of you. People rumor that you’re kinda rude, but I haven’t seen any of that yet.” The left corner of his lips curled up, that was probably not the first time he heard about that rumor. “That’s because a lot of people who meet me say the dumbest things I’ve ever heard and then get mad when I don’t answer nicely.” He then intently looked at your eyes. “But you haven’t said anything bad yet.” Now he was smiling brightly again. “Hmm, so I gotta try harder to get on your bad side huh?”, he chuckled heartily. “You’re chill. I like you, I don’t get that with most people I meet.” He for sure is a big personality. “Oh my god, you should totally get your nose pierced. Would suit your look!” Admittedly, you have been thinking about getting a septum for a while now. But until shortly ago, you were working an excruciating office job, where piercings, colorful hair, gel nails and tattoos were strictly forbidden. That didn’t stop you from getting inked though. You waited to do your arms until you quit your job, but otherwise your whole body was littered with small and relatively big tattoos.

“I already got a few tattoos though; I worked an office job until recently. Getting a new piercing would’ve been difficult to hide.” Joost curiously eyed you, in search of any tattoos that might be exposed at the moment. “What kind of tattoos do you have then?”, he caught a glimpse of some ink under your shirt. “Loads actually. But my first one was a moth under my chest, I really like that one.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “Yeah? Let me see.” You could see right through him but decided to entertain his idea for a minute. Pulling down the hem of your loose button up, whose top few buttons were undone, you revealed a small part of the moth’s wings and head. With a gentle grin you declared that he would have to pay to see more. His smile now turned into a light smirk. “How much would I need to pay to see the rest?” Quickly, you quipped back: “How much does a drink in this town cost?” He now inches slightly away from you, he was all up in your space until now. “A drink, huh?”, he mused, “I’ll buy you the whole damn bottle.”

Joost guided you to one of his favorite bars in the area. His hand was on the small of your back when you two enterer the establishment, which seemed slightly out-of-place for a first meeting. “You know, I’ve never paid so much to see a tattoo before.” He teased while he ordered a bottle of vodka and two glasses. You really hope he wasn’t a creep, cuz this seemed like a red flag. “I must be pretty special then”, you grinned while ogling the clear liquid. The blond was now swirling the vodka in his glass. He chuckled, “Yeah I’d say you’re pretty special.” Then he avoided your gaze. He was wondering how the rest of that tattoo looked like. And maybe it wasn’t the only thing he’d get to see tonight.

The swig you took from your glass made you grimace. Vodka was one of your top alcohols, but you had to be honest with yourself and admit it tastes like hand sanitizer. “Don’t tell me it’s too strong for you.”, he teasingly smiled at you. His blue eyes darted towards your hand, which was resting atop the wooden bar. In a smooth motion, he interlinked his pinky with yours. ‘Drink je moed met alcohol’ or whatever the saying is. Nevertheless, Joost felt more forward now. Maybe it was the vodka, maybe it was the way your eyes sparkled. But the alcohol for sure gave him an extra bravado. He carefully inched closer to you. You could tell he was getting a bit woozy, even if he was lazily smiling at you. “You ok?”, a small chuckle escaped you. He intertwined his hand fully with yours now. The look in his face was soft and affectionate. A bit wobbly, but very sweet. You got a bit closer; the tips of your noses were almost touching. Only a few centimeters apart. Joost kept his eyes fixated on you, his breath hitched. His ice blue eyes seemed to roam you whole face. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest, the proximity was intoxicating to him. Joost’s eyes fluttered shut and you waited for a few seconds, messing with the dutchman in front of you. His eyes opened again and saw you grinning teasingly at him. “Really? We’re doing this now?” A hint of disappointment flashed across his face for a split second, but soon after mischievousness played in his eyes.

The two of you seemed to be getting along well, chatting and laughing with each other which felt like hours on end. Your knee was now touching Joosts and his hand has landed on your thigh. He slightly squeezed it, trying to give you a signal of what he wanted. “What?”, you grinned knowingly. The blond playfully huffed but the smile on his face remained. “You know what.” He tried to play it cool, but the intent look in your dark eyes made his adrenaline levels shoot through the roof. Sneakily, you slid a hand behind Joost’s neck. “I’m usually not into blondes.” With that you caught his lips in a sweet, gentle kiss. The man practically melted into your touch, he held onto your shoulder as if he’d fall off the barstool if he didn’t. Maybe it was the alcohol or the massive interest he had for you, but Joost was kissing you fervently. A desperate noise escaped him. One of your hands rested on his chest, you could feel his heart beating rapidly. As you parted lips, Joost tried to calm his erratic heart. Suddenly feeling a bit shy, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. His cologne smelled amazing, even after messing around on stage the whole evening. The huffs of your hot breath sent shivers down his spine. He gently kissed your neck, you gasped and flushed ever so slightly. The bastard even slid a hand under your shirt, feeling your lower back. You let the hand on his chest wander a bit, earning a content gasp. “I’m loving this, but can we go somewhere more… private?” Joost let out a small laugh. “Yeah of course! My place or yours?”, he grinned at you. “My roommate is probably getting laid right now, so could we go to your place?”, he nodded with a sweet, drunken smile. “I’d love to take you to mine. It’s just a few minutes away from here actually.”

Either he was very bad at math, drunk or both at the same time. The apartment building was at least a 18-minute walk outside the city center. The breeze messing with your hair was fresh, a shiver ran down your spine. Joost risked a glance over at you from time to time, his stomach was churning with an excited flutter. Even though your gaze was directed straight ahead, you noticed the blond eyeing you. The faintest shade of rose feathered your cheeks, you bit the inside of your lip from nervousness. That didn’t go unnoticed, as Joost laughed brightly while pulling you into a side hug, still keeping up the pace. “You’re so flustered.”, he chuckled. Playfully, you slapped his arm. “Quit it.”, his smile widened and for a moment it seemed as if the sun was shining. “Try and make me.”, now his expression turned devious. “I’ll make you regret being this cocky.”, a pleased smile spread across your face. He wanted to provoke you a tiny bit more. “I’d love to see you try.” He brought you both to a halt in front of a building and opened the door. Joost looked at you and brought a hand to the small of your back. “Let’s get inside.” He intertwined his fingers with yours and pulled you up the staircase to the door of his apartment. His hands were slightly shaky from anticipation and the keys in his hand rattled and clinked.

After a few seconds he had finally unlocked the door and led you in, he didn’t bother to flick the light on. You turned around, faced with Joost’s back, a click indicated that he had closed the door. You slide your arms around his torso and press up against him. His breath hitched as you began trailing sweet kisses down his jaw and neck. Joost, now reddened and smiling lazily, turned around and slid his hands down to hold your hips. His scent was fogging up your mind, and you couldn’t help but be excited. Once again, you pecked his neck, occasionally nipping at the skin. To give you more room, he tilted his head ever so slightly. A content huff escaped him as you bit down harder, now having found his sweet spot. “Not so cocky now, huh?”, you chuckled before continuing your shenanigans. Joost let his head rest against the wall behind him and let out a small needy sound. He placed a hand on your shoulder, to steady himself. His breath was rugged, and his skin felt as if it was on fire. “Fuck, you drive me crazy.”, he whispered before letting his head fall forward, resting it on your shoulder. When releasing your hold on him, you were greeted by two dilated eyes. “Let me be good to you.”, his voice was breathy, and his hair was messed up. “Let me take charge for a bit.”, he pressed the sweetest kiss to your lips. You quietly hummed as he began nipping at your neck, but before you could enjoy it more, he gently pulled you towards, presumably, his bedroom.

He gently pushed you onto his bed, you gladly let yourself fall backwards. “There we go.”, he murmured as he glanced down at you, splayed out. A possessive glint played in his eyes. With a tilt of your head, you invited him. You wouldn’t have to ask him twice, he quickly got on the bed with you. In a swift motion, he straddled you and placed his hand on your chest. You slide your hands up his legs and let them rest on his hips. Joost softly moans into the sweet kiss he embraced you in. He enjoys the heat and friction from his body being pressed down on top of you. His lips taste like cherry bubblegum from the local kiosk, you deepen the kiss as the blond grasps your shoulders. Carefully, you broke the kiss and tugged on his shirt. “Get rid of that. “, you groaned at the hot feeling spreading over your skin. His gaze darkened at the command, and he slowly leaned back. He lifted the hem of his shirt and slowly pulled it over his head, then tossed it away. A cheeky grin was now plastered onto his face, you slid your hands up his body, feeling his abs. “Thank you.”, he laid his hand atop yours, which was still resting on his body. “But you’re pretty hot too.” Now his hands slid under your shirt. “How about you take yours off as well? I need to see more of you.”, a small hum erupted from your throat, and you began peeling your shirt off. “You really wanna see that tattoo, huh?”, he nodded with a small smile. The fabric hiding the big moth was now gone and revealed its true beauty. It was a deaths-head hawkmoth, its wings were detailed and shaded amazingly, he could tell that your tattoo artist was a master of his craft. Joost’s eyes widened for a split second as soon as he saw how many tattoos were littered over your torso. He didn’t expect that many, but oh god they looked good on you. “You have no idea how good you look with all this ink.”, he ran a hand down your arm, feeling its muscles and gently rubbing the skin. “Really?”, you tried smiling innocently, but it came out looking more like a cheeky grin. “Makes me want you so bad.” His voice was barely above a whisper, the weak light of the moon made his blond hair look silvery. You delicately whispered back. “You can have me.”

Now he felt the heat rise inside him. His lips ghosted over yours, meanwhile he was fiddling with the stall of your pants. With a sense of confidence, he bit your lower lip, not enough to hurt you, but enough to show you that he was in charge now.

Once again, he nipped at your neck, but traveled down to your collarbone, your chest, your stomach and finally to the hem of your pants. Your head was tipped back in pleasure and the occasional groan left you. What you couldn’t see was him smiling up at you, enjoying the view. The soft moonlight painted milky stripes along your muscles. Joost planted a kiss on your hip before leaving bites around the waistband of your pants. He had already opened the button and zipper of your garment and now he pulled them off, tossing them aside. With the gentlest hands he caressed your thigh. A gaze to your thigh revealed even more tattoos, an elegant snake was swirled around your leg, entangled with the leaves of an olive tree. The dutch grinned slightly, then began leaving kisses and sweet bites over your thighs, he was burning up now. His hand slid upward on your thigh, though this time he was messing with the fabric of your briefs. He only chuckled lightly, before biting down harder. A soft whine escaped you, while he slowly pulled your boxers off. Then he sat back, waiting for a reaction. “Don’t tease, I’ll make you regret it.”, your threat sounded more playful than anything. He offered you a small, challenging grin as his fingers slid back up to your hips, where he let them rest. “Yeah exactly, what are you gonna do?” You groaned. “Keep going if you wanna find out.”

He leaned down and trailed kisses over your inner thigh, his hands roamed over your body, slowly making their way towards your crotch. Brushing over the tip of your length, he hummed in contentment. Your eyes fluttered shut, you couldn’t help but twitch at the contact. He rubbed his thumb over the slit, licked his lips, then wrapped his fingers around your length. His soft hands felt like heaven to you, his motions steady and gentle. Occasionally +he teased your tip with his thumb, enjoying your expressions. “Bet you rail some guy after all your concerts.”, a teasing smile appeared on your lips. “You’d be correct to think so, yeah.”, he hummed with a sly grin. He stroked you at a slow but firm pace. “Are you trying to rile me up with that?”, he then mused a chuckle. Despite your currently… pathetic state, you mustered to spit out: “I’d never. Just making sure you’ll remember me very time from now on.” He sped up a little. “Oh trust me, I’ won’t be forgetting you anytime soon.” Leaning in, he took the tip into his mouth. “Fu-uck”, you stammered. The warm, wet feeling of his mouth could’ve made you cum right then and there. One of your hands reached down to entangle itself into Joost’s blond strands. The mans breath hitched as he felt your hand in his hair, it sent tingles down his spine. He swirled his tongue around your tip, sucking gently while looking up at you. His hands held your hips firmly in place. “Didn’t know your mouth was good at anything other than singing.” Joost’s eyes crinkled at your comment. With a quiet ‘plop’ sound, he released your member. “I can promise you, it’s good at other things.” He muttered before tending to your length again, this time maintaining eye contact with you. The sight alone almost tipped you over the edge, his icy blue eyes were glossy, and his blond lashes framed them perfectly. Joost’s eyes flickered down, he noticed how you started to twitch lightly. He took you in deeper, focusing on the sensation in his mouth. The way his tongue swirled on the underside of your shaft made your vision go blurry, you felt a feeling tightening and coiling in your stomach. “I’m so close.”, you whispered desperately. Little did you know that he had other plans. Once again, he removed himself from your pulsing member, a string of saliva connecting to his lip. You ran a hand trough your hair, while your chest was sinking and rising with heavy breaths. Joost backed up slightly, removing any remaining clothes, then focusing on your figure again. He gently straddled you, his own length rubbing against yours, not without a sharp hiss from you though. “Hop on, let me treat you right.”, your muscles tensed from anticipation. A low groan escaped the blond, he nodded quickly before sitting up. With utmost care, he positioned himself and slowly sat down as he felt you push inside of him. He gasped at the overwhelming feeling, and you rested your head against the pillows, it was too much and not enough at the same time. Gently, he started slowly rocking his hips against yours, he bit down on your shoulder to muffle his soft moans. Feeling a bit revengeful, you bucked upwards, earning a loud gasp from the other man. A loud moan escaped him, and his body shuddered and tingled, he slightly sped up his rocking. Your warm hands trailed up to his hips, helping him steady his movement. Empty threats were never something you made, so you decided to go all out. In a swift motion you had basically thrown Joost off and positioned yourself over him, prodding at his entrance with your dick. He groaned and gasped at the sudden manhandling; a shiver of excitement ran down his spine. “That’s for teasing me.” He wrapped his legs around your waist, while letting out a breathless moan.  Without much care, you pushed into him, setting a relatively fast pace. The dutch groaned at the rough treatment and you felt him dig his nails into your back and leave long scratches along it. “You’re so g-ood.”, his voice broke slightly, he was panting heavily. “I said I’d make you remember me.” Even in this pathetic state, he chuckled.

With his arms slung around your shoulder, he cried out in pleasure, small pearly tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “Fuck. I will.”, his eyes were glossy. Once again, he bit down on your neck, leaving yet another dark hickey. Bitten off moans slipped out of him; he was pretty sure both of your hips would be bruised after this night. The room was filled with breathy moans and gasps, along with the constant sound of skin slapping against skin. Joost was completely lost in the moment, he loved how you took control. “See who’s not being so cocky anymore?”, you teased. “Shush.” His head lolled back in pleasure. You snuck a hand around his throat, threatingly gripping it with very little pressure. “You’re not the one giving orders.” A shiver of excitement ran trough Joost’s veins, he ever so slightly arched his back, pressing his body closer to yours. “Now shut up and take it.”, your hips snapped against Joost’s, and his groans became even weaker. The pleasure was building up in his stomach, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle it. His vision went blurry, and his body tensed up, his nails dug deep into your skin, leaving bloody scratched all over your back. “Fuuuuuuck”, he moaned against your collarbone. Warm, milky white cum shot out of his length, all over his stomach and chest, you yourself quickly pulled out and dropped the load on top of his. “Messy Boy.”, you whispered.

He laid there for a few minutes, panting heavily and feeling utterly spent. You grabbed a random t shirt on the bed and wiped him clean. With a good wash it’ll be as good as new, you thought. Gentle to not disturb him too much, you laid on top of him, resting your head against his chest. He let out a small huff, then wrapped his arms around you. “I’m going to feel this all day tomorrow…”, he mumbled. “Then I did it right.”, you closed your eyes, enjoying his warm breath trickling down your face and neck. Joost hadn’t seen the tattoo on your back before but was admiring it now. It was another snake, wrapping around a big dagger with various decorations on it. He ran a hand over it, feeling the skin he had scratched open around it. “So, you like it een beetje ruw?”, he whispered. “Ja but I can be sweet too.” Joost chuckled. You looked up again, enveloping him in a genuine, gentle kiss. Brushing a stray hair away, you caressed his cheek. The blond hummed lightly, his heart fluttering at the tender kiss. His lips curled up into a sweet smile. “Just for some people though.”, you grinned cheekily.

After having thrown on your briefs, you had retrieved your pants and began rummaging the pockets. “Can we go out to the balcony? I’d like to have a smoke.” Joost raised an eyebrow while his smile revealed his dimples. “Cigs after a good lay, huh?”, he began to fumble around in his bedside drawer, trying to find his own pack. “They’re on me, owe you after that.”, you giggled. Joost opened the slide door and led you outside. The atmosphere was calm, the two of you sat down on the floor. You held out your pack to the man, before taking a cigarette for yourself. He put it between his lips, waiting for you to light it. His eyes watched your face closely. After having his cigarette lit, Joost leaned against the balcony railing, enjoying the fresh breeze. You looked over the city while the smoke mingled as they both exhaled. Joost reached out and tangled his hand with yours. “You’re so pretty.”, you mumbled absently, watching a few blonde hairs follow the flow of the wind, his hair was all messed up, but he looked perfect. The tips of his hair looked almost white in the moonlight. “I’m usually not into blondes.”, you ruffled up his hair. “Hey!”, he cried out, but he quickly reached for your hair in an attempt at revenge. You gladly lowered your head, letting him do whatever he wants. Instead of messing up your whole hair, like you though he would, he gently combed trough it with his fingers. It felt soothing, you leaned into his touch and ended up flopping your upper body down into his lap. He couldn’t help but chuckle, “Comfy?”

A pleased hum escaped you, moments like these should last forever.

[mithliya]

"allowing 15-17 year olds to marry is totally the same as having 7 yo girls getting raped by 40 yo moids as a cultural practice im very smart"

and no i dont think marrying 15 year olds should be allowed either but like come the fuck on those arent even remotely the same

“as a cultural practice” 😐 u know the wild thing is some of u genuinely think that children aren’t getting married off in the west and that every eastern child is getting married off. the black & white thinking just makes u look dumb. despite living in a muslim & middle eastern nation, i have not met a single person in my generation who was married off as a child to an older man. not one. bc statistically child marriage in the middle east (especially under 15 years old) does not have the rates u imagine it to have:

but bc of where my country is geographically located, yall assume this is some common normal “cultural practice” that we are all too dumb to ever criticise ourselves. u see brown skin and assume “surely this person believes pedophilia is ok”. meanwhile statistically, while no child should go through it, it is far from being the norm and the vast majority of us are very aware it is wrong & pedophilic. statistically, most child marriages worldwide occurred when the girls were over 15 also which apparently is somehow justifiable to u, which says a lot about u here.

but i guess it’s ok pedophilia is happening in the west bc if it’s a 12 year old being married off then it’s not as bad all of a sudden, bc u imagine child marriages everywhere else typically involve seven year olds (which even in regions where child marriage is more common like south asia, is usually not the case at all). we will have to disagree there bc i think no matter the frequency and the race and the age in which child marriage occurs, it’s not ok, but clearly ur priorities lie more with arguing white men are superior so u would rather downplay their pedophilia.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2017/02/10/why-does-the-united-states-still-let-12-year-old-girls-get-married/

this is exactly what i mean when i say y’all don’t care about issues like fgm and child marriage bc u clearly don’t know shit about it, u just use it to make racist generalisations & assumptions to justify why u look down on anyone who isn’t white

so much for ur superior culture, seems ur mindset isn’t that different to other pedos.

[izuruswhore]

haha so tempted to get worse on purpose again

i want to not care anymore.. i fucking hate being aware of whats going on in my life i want to just disappear.. its gotten to a point where im genuinely afraid of meeting new people or even seeing my friends irl- idek if they are my friends anymore- most of them havent texted me in ages which is weird cuz we used to talk constantly and they were the highlight of my day..

its fucking pathetic really- i barely do anything in my life.. i rot in bed every day and my mom thinks im getting better.. IM FUCKING NOT EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY IM ON THE VERGE OF WANTING TO SKIN MYSELF ALIVE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

people used to like me.. at my worst i had tons of people who loved me, i got attention constantly, there were people i didnt even know drawing me.. not some sona but actually me cuz they thought i was cool enough for that.. as much as life was horrible at my worst and every second i wanted to kms i had people who liked me, i had so many fucking people who liked me, things i did got attention, PEOPLE FUCKING CARED even at my goddamn worst- back then id show off every ugly part of me and there would be people whod like it

now i feel as if if im not perfect no one will like me, people dont like me for myself, they like me for what i can give them or a perfect version of myself, the second i start to struggle people FUCKING LEAVE AND IM SICK OF IT

it hurts so fucking much that one day we were literally talking about getting married, how many kids we'd have and all that shit and then the next she'd dumped me cuz i was too "mentally ill" even tho throughout the entire time we were dating all i ever did was try to make myself better for her, she said she didn't want to fix me but i never asked her to, all i asked is she love me and i gave her everything i could, pushed myself to do things to see her and even tho i wasnt perfect by any means i did so much..

god this all sounds so cringey- i suck so much god damn but whatever- at least ive got my lovely wife <3 love you matt youre perfect even if you probably arent reading this

[ganondoodle]

I'm really sorry that Zelda has burned you out. I can be excited with reserved expectations, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad that the bar for those expectations had to drop so low. Zelda is such a beautiful franchise with potential that feels like it gets less and less tapped every entry.

Between Ganondorf in Totk and the live-action Zelda (I hate it here), I feel like I can only get so excited for a Zelda thing before I wait for the multiple other shoes to drop.

I guess this is one part "I'm sorry" and one part "I can kinda relate, and I wanted to vent"

To end on a positive note I've always been a huge fan of your art and you're unique depictions of divinity are genuinely fucking inspiring.

yeah, its both sad and kinda scary ... like i didnt think anything could disappoint me so hard it would make me this wary and bored of anything they do, though i was afraid of it, and yet here we are

its not just that i feel like the bar is lower than ever, i also feel like ... i dont want to invest time and thought into soemthing they might have never actually cared about? like botw made me so damn invested in its lore and world and totk just dropped it all so hard that i feel afraid to care about anything (new) zelda related

i still love the titles up to botw, i still like the franchise and care deeply about all the fanworks and stories and lore, but i cant lie, totk did damage that and any trust i had into them being able to tell stories "Zelda is such a beautiful franchise with potential that feels like it gets less and less tapped every entry." a sad cheer to that :,)

im not gonna talk about it any further, i dont wanna morph into a true notorious complainer tm- just gonna watch others play it but unless they actually pull something interesting off (which i doubt doubly so since its zelda as the played character..) i dont think im gonna do anything with it, so, sorry on that end

and thank you! it means alot to hear people enjoy what i do, no matter how annoying i can be xD and in this day and age where its harder and harder to reach anyone, or stay "relevant" for that matter especially bdksskjlvnfxdl

anyway, i wont stop working on any of my zelda projects any time soon :3 mainly thanks to the people like you, who can find worth in what i do even if i might doubt it! <3

[saym0-0]

oh my god. oh my GOD mechs esmp crossover. this is for SUCH a niche audience the esmp fandom is dead i dont care mechs esmp crossover

LISTEN TO ME okay ill have to add a sci-fi element to my established esmp world i am OKAY with this, grimlands are already victorian steampunk its not that big a stretch to add space travel, especially in the place of dimension travel.

okay so in my esmp lore the emperors are blessed by the gods with conditional immortality and flight, they know a new ruler has been born by if they're born with wings. i bet though i could twist that into the king cole/olympians idea of trading their citizen's lives for immortality. although it is kinda reversed? (mechs immortals tend to stop aging but can be killed, emperors still age and can die of old age, but cant be killed). hmm i mean theres definite differences between king cole and the olympians so maybe its just another variation, or something closer to the mechs themselves? though that ones less likely

honestly there literally is an esmp1 musical so i reckon its interesting enough to attract the mechs

but lets be honest with ourselves here, the only reason im doing this is so i have an excuse to draw grimlands!marius lmao

i think raph would be interested in it too though, with how they're so much more reliant on technical advancement than magical.

ivy would love the rivendell library, and crystal cliffs

hmmm jonny might have fun between mythland and the cod empire,,,

hmmmm brian would maybe like to hang out with shrub in the undergrove? he does like his garden,, maybe the overgrown with katherine too,, or gilded helianthia!

hrm,, i keep wanting to put people in the grimlands but i know thats only because its my favourite so therefore the most developed and also the most similar in vibe to the mechs

with that said though, tim really would have fun there,, like hes the gunpowder guy!! fwhip is the gunpowder guy!! they both r in charge of weapons!! guns, crossbows, same difference really

oough back to raph i think she and fwhip would bond over making their own wings,, fwhip made his to prove that he is fit to rule after gem fucked off to wizard school and raph,, uh actually i never found out raphs backstory beyond the fact im like 78% sure she made her and marius' mechanisms,, although that could be widely accepted fanon who knows not me

i think marius would also enjoy mezelea

but OH MY GOD TOY SOLDIER IN MEZELEA,,, i cant believe i almost forgot it,, i think it would immediately blend in with the clones and pretend to be one right up until they leave the planet, and have the time of its life the whole time,,

i dont know where ashes would go either.. i cant just say grimlands again because theres like four of them there already but,, the explosions!!

maybe mythland, or rivendell, those both seem like they'd appreciate a good mob boss taking over the place tbh

i think brian would get along with pix also

okay this isnt mechs but the fandom is a circle so if theres actually any fans of both out there reading this post, has anyone else noticed just how similar pix and jon's (tma) voices are?? genuinely when i started listening to the podcast i had to double check the va wasnt pix (and imagine my confusion when they share the same name too..)

anyways if anyone wants to scream about this with me please do, or if you want to know more about my esmp expanded universe feel free to do that too! in asks replies or reblogs idm

[spicybylerpolls]

that Finn Is Attractive anon is sooooo unbelievably real

i have to believe it's just online culture thats puritan cos everyone i know in the real world is just constantly ogling celebrities and real people alike lol

and even when i was at middle school, it was considered weird if you DIDNT state attraction to people. sort of like the way people treat will and assume he's gay/asexual cos he never talks about attraction to girls. i mean, yeah, thats a tv show so its all there for a reason, but real life is more random and people have plenty of reasons for not talking about that, including shyness or privacy (hence the less-astute people also not guessing will is gay, because lets face it, the duffers left that ambiguous and possible for a reason. will's sexuality HAD to remain somewhat mysterious - and mike's more so!- in order for their story to have the most impact i think). but yeah, if you didnt say who you were crushing on, people always wanted to know.

the comments under finn's WYFSTW scene made me laugh cos it was so tame actually. it lasted about ten seconds (maybe thats how long ziggy lasted, who knows), and you didnt even see his hand moving. the fucking lord faarqquuaard scene in shrek where he's ogling fiona in the mirror from in bed is more explicit than finn's

jk but really, ziggy locked his door and grabbed some tissues and some people were still like WhaTs hE dOiNg? clearly those purist people didnt see It cos finn was riffing improved dick jokes and grabbing his crotch at like age 13 lmao. Stranger Things really is pretty sexless, and so we dont really see the boys interact in the way most tween/teen boys do. theyre sincere and genuinely care for each other and we dont see much teasing or messing about, and this + the dark horror take on growing pains makes me believe byler's sex scene will be sincere and very, very moving, as well as, of course, kinda hot. they will want the audience to be right there with the characters, invested and absorbed. byler sex will not be played for laughs, nor will it be porno, but rather similar vibes to jack/rose in titanic i reckon.

sorry, im rambling. but yeah i do think people are into finn and that makes them uncomfy, but no reason to be. he's a total babe.

[panicataphmausinsanity]

aaron rant

ok this is a rant no one asked for but i just wanna put all of my disorganized thoughts out there about aaron and the man my dude could've become without jesson's horrible execution. my grammar may be off and im not a good analyzer or anything, this is just a rant that i wanna get off my chest.

disclaimer :: i haven't watched MCD and i do plan to, and i'm aware of some things that happen but if you wanna share your opinion on anything id rather anyone would keep the reblogs spoil free

lemme start by saying that i love aaron. i genuinely love his character so damn much but NOT his canon. i love the IDEA of aaron and not his execution. jessica and jason did such a bad job portraying him- dont get me wrong i am not bashing them for the foundation they've laid for most of their wonderful characters it's the portrayal of them that gets me so ENRAGED. all of jess's characters have at least some thing going wrong with them and it's genuinely fucking insane. i don't mean what they go through in the series- as in who they ARE. what the fuck is a kawaii~chan? like god. i think so many characters in the series deserved so SO much more, especially aaron.

starting off with pdh s1 aaron. - i don't necessarily loathe pdh s1 aaron. i mean in here, he seems to have a personality than he ever does in season one of mys which is an upgrade i guess? a main problem imo was how his character always revolved around aphmau. i'm not even gonna choose to comment on the horrid age gap jesson's implemented in aarmau's story. i just hate that aaron himself didn't really have any other friend than aphmau and the fact that after they met, the series just continued to revolve around them.. and not them individually either- them as a relationship.

i think seeing certain instances like how aaron became lily's friend and stuff would've been important because technically, wasn't lily aaron's first friend in pdh? how is that just glossed over considering the fact that aaron pushed everyone who tried to interact with him off his back? isn't it interesting how lily managed to get a hold of him and actually became a friend? i don't understand why that was never shown because while students were scared of the dude because of all the rumors and shit going around, some kids like jeoffery actively reached out to him like we see in the ep where aaron asks aph to prom. he never relented to jfry's attempts to be friends w him and through this a girl like lily managed to be friends with him. i feel like something like this shoudlve been shown. i wouldve also liked to see a stronger reaction to him over lily and ivy's scheme. aaron obviously considered lily a caring friend and when he understood that they were scheming from what i remember, when he saw lily after learning about everything all he did was go "if ur gonna treat aph like this we're better off not being friends" or smt?? i think from what we understand about aaron over the series, emotional connections are obviously something he cherishes very much. so seeing him kinda like- brush the whole thing off and not be lily's friend feels so anticlimactic. idk how to phrase it. i know this was premature aaron and the aaron we know over the series is grown up and everything, but i still do feel like aaron would've had a stronger reaction to the scheme.

prob 2 was how after aaron and aph came to know ab each other being shu n fc, aaron didn't become full fledged friends with like ANYONE other than her. this felt extremely weird to me. we see him go to this dinner sylvanna planned and we see him socially thriving there- him cracking jokes and everyone having a fun time around him, travis and garroth wheezing over his jokes- how did this dude not become friends with them? i feel like they (garroth & travis) would've talked to aaron more and become more than acquaintances w him. a lil bonding thing if you get me?? mainly garroth. it's just weird that garroth never became a friend of aaron's imo. they were put in situations where they could've easily become friends. i know that garroth was jealous about aaron coming outta nowhere and swooping aph off of her feet, but he clearly got over it (during the time of s1 anyway, after that he went batshit crazy). they must've had one on one interactions during the dinner or prom right??????/ like come on. it's just weird!! this brings me to the fact that i literally don't see aaron making proper friends other than aph until fcu. like- aph is his only friend ever ykwim?? i feel like im phrasing this in such a dumb way- but it's just frustrating to see his entire social life just being- aph for a while. i just think garroth and aaron could have become friends as well, maybe even travis. and during prom, maybe even kaitlyn. we see aaron also being pretty mature and giving actual, promising advice to aph during the music room scenes. from this i feel like at some point aaron could have also comforted kaitlyn and maybe a friendship could've bloomed out of this??? this thought's just been sitting in my mind. aaron COULD have had a friend other than just aph. it just feels like his whole world revolves around aph and aph only until his family issues and the ultima bullshit comes around.

now in mystr s1, aaron is so FUCKING BLAND AND STALE AND UUUGHGHHHHHHH its actually so fuckin funny because mystreet season one aaron is relatively decent compared to his other versions *cough s5 cough. i actually do like s1 aaron's character. he's the epitome of chill- laid back, honest, communicative and supportive. he's a great friend to aph during her times of need, and during s1 he's the sanest character on the show.

but that's it. all he was was this friend to aphmau until the dumbass play arc during which they decide to go for something romantic. like his whole identity revolved around walking shirtless, being a chick magnet and a friend to aph. he revolved around aphmau, much like his pdh s1 self and that pisses me off so much!! he had no fucking personality other than being supportive to aph for a while. around the end you see him start to gain *something* similar to a personality, and while it was less than pleasant it was better than whatever the fuck was going on while he was only a friend to aph. it's also disappointing seeing him practically only gain emotions after developing a romantic relationship with aphmau. even during this, his interactions are limited to aph and zane most of the times, and even then he doesn't develop an outward friendship with zane- which would've been fucking amazing!!!! while they do start to bond, it's still like aphmau is the only one keeping them glued together while it would've been real cool for aaron to develop a friendship with zane and interactions w him that doesn't solely have to do with aphmau all the time. the fact that aph's brought him out of his shell is cool, but he's still ONLY friends with aph which is VERY eh. he may be considered friends w zane and stuff, but we only see major bonding stuff going on when it's between aaron and aph, but we don't see it with the other characters. it's jsut weird because everyone's known each other for so long, aaron;s bound to have grown closer w someone at the least- for example, garroth or travis. we've seen the unlikely group form during that one episode- aaron, aph, zane and travis- where they have a stupid lil immature game thing or whatever. i feel like travis and zane and aaron could've collectively bonded and it would've been super cute!! plus aph nudging him and zane to be more social as well- a lil detour to fcu where we see aaron trying his best to get out there and make friends w/ aph's adorable support- he has the perfect opportunity to do it during moments like these but it never becomes more than just what seem like forced interactions. like UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. so. much. potentialll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just gone. poof. a strong friendship between aaron and the ro'maeve brothers wouldve been so fucking ack. sfryquoeuiwhiblforhgubhjfwe. litera;;y/. now i wpuldve loved to see tht1!!!! it's also just so weird that we see a drastic change in aaron's character from fcu to myst, in fcu he's so shy and he's trying his best to be friends w others and he succeeds little by little (we never hear of these friends again but ok.) and then in ms we see him as this super chill dude w hot gains sigma male or whatever and his only friend is aph. he was so much more expressive during fcu and while many events occurred in between, it's just weird seeing him not get out there more during s1 esp considering the fact that he has more freedom to. ill mention this later. anyway-----

one thing i liked to see was aaron break out of his cool character during the spectacle of zanemau, another stupid attempt by jess to get another boy to get infatuated with aph which thankfully did not happen.. kind of. id love to see people talk about how zane just heavily depended on aph as an emotional support system and was just afraid aaron would take aph away from him, a feeling of abandonment rising out of his own self loathing yada yada. . while zanemau is a cool ship, this whole thing was jsut extreenmly forced-it was obvious it was just to get another guy to fawn over aph. i hate aph's harem. i'll get off topic if i talk about how every single boy within a 50 mile radius of aph falls head over heels in love with her, but anyhoo. i did get off topic.. . . . so aaron breaking his character was like this breath of fresh air for me. when he's in the resto's bathroom, talking to the mirror ab his frustrations ab aph going all flushed and orgasmy over zane bc of the love ption that he wasnt aware of and how he should stop whats going on bc of zianna (fucking hate her ass), he seemed like an actual person lmao. i love that scene alot because he wasn't just this cool chill flirt(for aph), his feelings finally poured out in some way. it made him a full fledged character (for a little..). then garroth came in and talked to him and whatbnit (another wasted opportunity to grow closer maybe??????? idk) and they went back to the table . i havent talked ab how much i loathe this whole zuzu aph arc though like oh my god it mustve been incredibly uncomfortable for aph and aaron sitting through all that. i hate zianna so much and it was also mega annoying of vylad and the brothers to drag them into this bc he couldnt say no to his mommy. it was genuinely weird and so many things in the show are brushed off as comedic relief- things borderline crazy and worthy of restraining orders and jail. literally. literal kids watch these and may think it's normal bhvr when it isnt. but anyway.

i know that mystreet s1 was a spin off of mcd that just blew up and multiplied into other seasons and as it doubled prequels like pdh and fcu came to life. im very much aware of the fact that jess just developed the characters in their modern steads as the story progressed because it wasnt done something beforehand- mystreet happened to be a happy accident and jess didn't plan the characters out beforehand, including the plot (horribly evident from the shit that started from s4). they developed as characters in stages as the stories went on and that's just painfully obvious, especially when we watch the series in the timeline jess posted it. we see how aaron goes from the stoic chill hot sigma male to this uwu boy personality, which was what jess wanted him as in the end ig? it's obviously very weird though. imo, my opinion, she shouldve kept aaron's laid back personality. through this we could see him gradually grow and insert himself into aph's friend grp as well. we see that happen during s2 and s3 of ms, where he does progress in terms of social interactions- hes seen to be cracking jokes outwardly, he even has his own lil comedic relief spiels, becomes good buds with dante and stuff (which went just as it came from what i remember :[[[) and in s3 he becomes much cooler and is more involved within the friend group. he also seemed to be like this in pdh, like during the dinner as i mentioned before.

during fcu, this just. changes. his character is very... emotional? i dont really know how to put it. it's out of character. he's incredibly shy and relies on aph as a social plug. while in pdh he seemed to be less awkward w social interactions, aaron was 100x times more awkward during fcu. he seemed overly sensitive, and at moments its like he needed to be coddled. i did love it when aph helped him grow more socially, but we see that in ms 1 he has no friends. he's like this hot lone wolf (..), a drastic contrast to what he wanted to be in fcu imo (i believe this because derek was off his back now and he had the freedom to do have more friends and emotional connections like these is what he desperately craved- it's something so evident.) he wanted to have more friends and be more social. while this does happen in fcu, in ms1 we don't really see the results coming into place. like he becomes much more bold- in fcu he used to flush and blush at just hearing aph's heartbeat and in ms1, that one instance where aaron gets picked to play romeo and aph is like "you do realise we gotta kiss?" he just goes "yeah." in the most casual way ever- like it's just another tuesday for him or somethin. it's just a weird ass change. his character fluctuates when we watch the show in the chronological order and it's jsut so out of place and while i know it's no fault to jess ( i mean it is but part of it is justified ) it's still incredibly weird. jess could have prevented this by just keeping him as the character she initially started with.

and his last form- season 5. starlight. god fuck- this aaron was such a fucking baby. if fcu aaron wanted to be coddled, starlight aaron straight up wanted milk from aph's bosoms. he becomes this uwu soft boi- and considering all of the events that unfolded, it's still weird. yes, many things happened during their time at the lodge but it's just so fucking weird!!!!! i don't even know what to make of it. i just hated his character in s5. he stuttered every 3 fucking seconds. jason voice acted him so bad like oh my god im so sorry but it was literally unbearable. rewatching starlight was fucking horrifying. the stupid ass dips in the voice- god fuck!!! im so sorry its just what i think but i really hated how jason voice acted aaron during s5. i liked the fact that he was more expressive but he just changed completely- and i liked the small part where he felt like everyone wanted him to be something different now that he was out as a werewolf, but he really did fucking change and it did not feel like he was aaron at all. it felt like seeing a 12 year old find out about age regression and implement it onto a character like aaron's. it felt childish and just weird. jess couldve done way better with aaron during s5.

this shit was long and i feel liek i still have a lot more to say and when i rememebr ill jsut edit it on. no ones probably gonna reach the end of this but if you did, idk how u got so much time reading all this but i lpve you

( i love this picture so much <3 )

[royallygray]

Given the fact that Aimsey and Guqqie are canon characters in your soul horizon au, im guessing you've watched Aimsey and her smp, so now I ask WHEN WERE GOING TO TELL ME HOW FUCKING COOL ASMP IS WE GOT LORE WE GOT SAPPHIC GIRLIES WEVE GOT ONLY NEEDING TO WATCH ONE PERSPECTIVE. I am only on episode 4 but my fucking god this shit is right up my alley and the lore has swallowed me whole waht the fuck???? This is even a question i just want to inform you that im in shock by whatever the fucks happening and i love it

IKRRRR

Like. okay I'ma be honest. I've also only watched to like ep4 since I keep like losing interest and like. I am obsessed but not hyperfixated and so I keep losing interest in watching the original content but like. I needed background characters and I was like "LESBIANS" and I was like I am intrigued by ASMP and like

Yeah. It's genuinely so nice to not be missing out on stuff bc you have no attention span or bc you don't want to watch multiple povs but gods I love it

idk which ep it's on, but Aimsey killing Tud is canon and Guqqie helped him through that and just

AAAAAA

also I live for the like. dislike to lovers.

Like

Okay so Guqqie is such a fucking ASSHOLE in the beginning, and like they're still an asshole in the middle, but they care. And LIKE

OKAY SO SUNSHIP DUO (that's Aimsey and Guqqie btw idk how into this part of the fandom you are) IN SOUL HORIZON ARE LIKE. SO FUCKING TRAGIC

SO THEYRE SOULMATES. THEY DONT FIGURE THIS OUT UNTIL LIKE AGES LATER BUT LIKE WHATEVER. ANYWAYS.

AIMSEY'S WANTED TO BE A HERO THEIR ENTIRE LIFE. GUQQIE IS A VIGILANTE BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO PROVIDE FOR HER FAMILY AND STEAL FOOD AND STOP THE POLICE AND SHIT FOR TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO STEAL

and then Guqqie eventually went to the city where the Hero Corp is, right

and then Guqqie and Aimsey had a similar thing going on that Grian and Scar originally had

Except they were literally canon ASMP themselves

BUT THEN AIMSEY GOT TOO INTO A DEEP ASS CULT THINGY

And killed Tud

and Guqqie helped them out

and then something came back to attack them and Guqqie protected Aimsey with their own life

And then if Guqqie became a hero so she didn't get arrested and like because Aimsey genuinely thought it would be better for Guqqie since part of the original part of ASMP is that Aimsey's kind of innocent

But Guqqie has fallen hard for Aimsey at this point and they'd do anything to keep them. So Guqqie becomes Gem's apprentice

And Guqqie's vigilante name was Frostbite and the heroes thought that was too edgy so she had to shorten it to Frost anyways

So Frost becomes Fauna's apprentice

(also Aimsey's hero name is Prince and False's (who is their mentor) is Queen and I did not mean to name them off of bands/artists--)

And like. Guqqie's vigilante bg is rly important because it means that Grian trusts her. All vigilantes are like. Mutuals. in the way you would be on Facebook but not on Tumblr yknow

But Aimsey's naivety is also important bc Gem can tell Guqqie stuff, but Guqqie will tell Aimsey, which is okay, and Aimsey will tell False, which isn't great but it's still fine, and then False will tell Ren which is a Problem because Ren doesn't shut up

So Guqqie has to lie to Aimsey to protect Gem. And it's sad.

The side plot is sad. This is side plot. These are side characters and Guqqie is semi important by sheer just being Gem's apprentice but omg I love them

ANYWAYS IF YOU WANNA RANT ABT ASMP PLS TELL ME BC I AM INSANE ABT IT

Also pls spoil stuff. and headcanons and things. and like if you want me to put something into soul horizon I will do it bc I do need a little more fleshing out of their plot.

TY FOR THE ASK PERI :D

[spohkh]

i love being able to explain absolutely anything i do these days with "listen... im almost 30." bc like. brother im almost 30. so fuckng who cares and also leave me alone

[shock]

hey! ik you work at a school and based on how you post about it, you really care a lot about your job and it seems like the kids really like and trust you. i'm about to start a job as a para working 1:1 w/ a middle schooler, and my prior experience is all tutoring college students- do you have any tips on getting kids that age to engage w/ you? im worried ill be awkward around him and he'll think im cringe 😭 would really appreciate any advice u have to give

middle schoolers are developmentally in a place where they are experimenting with independence for the first time. they will test rules, boundaries, expectations. be clear and consistent but not rigid. if you make it integral to your relationship and their success that they tell you what motivates them, they have agency, and that you want to work WITH them, they may not believe that immediately but the more you prove it the easier it will be to know how to support them.

if you know anyone who has worked with this student before, ask about and be ready to filter the information you learn. I ask questions like "do you remember a day that was successful, and how did you get there?". ask "was there a time you felt that you connected?". "What strategies did you find helpful?".

I don't always agree with all of my colleagues in their approach or their view of the kid in front of them, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from them and apply it in my own way. about the same student, I was warned that successful only happened when they were elevated by using a neutral tone and that they will try to trick me so be aware of that. another said that they are very funny and sometimes needs pressure to be grounded- when I suggested a weighted shoulder blanket, she lit up and said "that would be an awesome idea!!". another colleague said that they do very well with expectations given in the form of "If X happens, my expectation is to [action]". I can keep all of these things in mind and also not let them be more deciding than the kid that I will have in front of me.

You have your own style and that can be translated to a lot of ages if you take steps to learn to communicate with them and dont make them feel stupid or inexperienced. I invite suggestions and try to apply their voice as appropriate and safe. I don't make promises I can't keep, and if I can't keep them I am upfront about it. Model integrity and honesty.

Also, because of the rapid development both hormonally, socially, physically, 6th, 7th, and 8th are all WILDLY different. The ways I can talk to my 8th graders about deeply personal social-emotional reflections doesn't look the same my 6th or 7th graders. You'll naturally find out where your student lies in terms of maturity and understanding, and there will be a LOT of growth in a single year.

Kids will accept and grow fond of your cringe if they know you express it in solidarity and from a willingness to learn. Anything will be cringe if they want to haze you for it, including things YOU SEE THEM DOING ALL THE TIME 🤣 I tell my kids all the time that there are things that come naturally to them that amaze me and impress me that I don't know about. I put my kids in positions to be teachers. Being cringe is a natural part of working with kids and its ok to be silly and weird IF you are there for them when it counts. IF you don't patronize, condescend, or talk down to them. They are intelligent, thoughtful, and often know much much more than they ever say. They are extremely resilient. they will genuinely think you are just as likely 17 or 40 years old no matter what age you are. Don't worry about being awkward or cringe, take steps to understand the passions and joys of your students. Be willing to suck at things they excel at. Be willing to play basketball with them even though you suck ass, and ask them how to improve. Be willing to make bracelets that are so fucking ugly they're worth laughing about while they're making 400-braid works of art. Acknowledge when they have skills you aren't familiar with. They will learn to appreciate yours if they know you see theirs.

They don't accuse me of being lame when I act goofy, to them it's just part of who "Mr. Jack" is. I'm not above getting pranked. I'm not above getting razzed on. Im not above getting something wrong. I'm a professional who knows how to navigate systems and wants to share that with them. I explain why things happen. I answer "why" with a genuine, thoughtful response. Middle schoolers always want to know why, and if they don't know why by the time they get to high school because it's been held hostage by people in power, they believe there is no "why". I never say "just because" or "It's the right thing to do". I say what will come out of it. If I ever have to report something happening or have to have another colleague help with a mandated reporting/need help from social work to wrap around, I never just do it. I say things like "you know, X is someone I really trust and respect here. They have more information than I do and I think if we worked together we would be able to really find a solution, can we try to do that". I explain that I will never abandon them or shove them on others or destroy our trust, but I have Profesional obligations and that I will walk through the whole process with them. I have sat in ambulances with kids. I have stayed into the night at hospitals with kids. I have exercised my right to refuse to send a kid home out of an immediate safety concern and updated them the entire time what every call I made was about, what I did and did NOT share, checked in with them... and my worst fear of ruining my relationship with a kid and destroying their trust has not happened because I make sure that the pieces are not moving around them while they are helpless. So much is already out of their control.

I have coached multiple students who admitted to me that they vaped or smoked, and i think this is a good example of applying that mindset: My job isn't tell them to stop because it's bad. My job is to say "look, I'm not going to say what everyone else has told you or pretend that I've never done something that could harm my body. Anything you do, I want you to do research and use that to decide what is worth it." And I share knowledge, we get to the root of it, we talk about the reasons, we talk about the risks. One of my students who smoked nicotine without parents knowing didn't know that it would seriously impact a surgery they had coming up that they had been waiting for their whole life and were excited for. Me sharing that information not with the threat of consequences but with a need for them to understand how to move forward was how we got to develop a plan to quit that was seen through.

Sorry that was a lot of rambling!! Basically work as a team and find ways to come up with strategies together. You can be professional, "in charge", and provide direction without insulting the newly budding agency your middle schoolers are unfortunately learning that they don't have in a lot of environments. Start EVERY SINGLE DAY new. I have bad days and have cried because of how hurtful something was from a student, but I don't let that stop me from greeting them in the morning, or feeling like they have a right to education, or that they can't try to do things differently. They're incredibly impulsive, and you will have an hour long conversation that seems to really sink, and the second you get out of the room they will still immediately do the thing they shouldn't. Over time with consistency they really do change, and it's normal for that to not be always immediate. Days, weeks, years... sometimes you won't even see that growth, and that's really hard, but you have to trust that it will happen.

[officialgleamstar]

oughh peoples weird takes have shifted from my girl to ur guy i see 😭😭 i am so normal about bad takes i promise

in the masses' defense!! i understand where a lot of grant takes come from. hes been a bad father, he has a lot of improvements he has to make, and i think its really cool that matt is doing a plot line rn where linc is cutting his dad off. thats awesome! like, genuinely, i love it. it hurts my feelings a lot as a Wilson Enjoyer(tm) but i think it makes so much sense story-wise and im really enjoying seeing where the plot is going with it!

however i just think its really fucking weird of some fans to imply that mentally ill people arent allowed to have kids or try to love other people when they dont love themselves! maybe im just projecting though </3 i like to think that most people are just wording their takes poorly, or that theyre being dramatic, and i can recognize that i can be really overly sensitive about characters with intrusive thoughts/low emotions. i project onto them too much! i get it! but like, i dunno

i relate a lot to grant and while i dont want kids, i do crave connection with people despite my more... asocial aspects lol. i only recently have gotten to a point where i let myself have community instead of isolating myself for my constant intrusive thoughts, low emotions, lack of empathy, etc. so it just kind of sucks to have this turn in the story that have people acting as if grant is the worst for thinking that maybe he could love a son and have a family. definitely similar vibes to sparrow where people are like "he only had a kid for daddy magic!", which is a take i dislike for ALL of the kiddads but that i can start to understand-- but then also just genuinely, there are people seeming to say "you shouldnt have kids if youre mentally ill" which... no? no. like. i recognize the idea that you shouldnt have kids if you cant even take care of youself, but all evidence points to that grant was capable of having a kid when linc was adopted. linc was socialized well as a young kid, he had friends his age, he visited his grandparents, etc. it was only later that grant's mental health took a downturn again and i think thats fair when everything going on with the doodler/code purple was going on. by no means is grant a good dad. but i think its really harsh and verging on ableism to imply that his mental health makes him incapable of being a dad at any point in his life.

but i dunno!! thats just my thoughts!! lol <3

sparrow is always going to be taking the brunt of weird takes though, i think o7 she truly is taking on the worst of the worst. godspeed to my beautiful weirdgirl

[sphericalbee]

this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

i lowkey would totally be interested in your richie and stan dance moms au lore. I read that fic ages ago and now can't get richie and stan being dancers out of my brain. especially because im a dancer myself

Richies strengths are performing (obviously), but i also think she would have this super cool and unique quality to her dancing while stan is super technical. and i think stan would struggle with a perfectionistic mindset (ugh dont we all) and sometimes lose her artistry while richie is relaxed and genuinely just dances for enjoyment, not really caring if shes not completely technically sound

(btw you are such a talented writer i could read ur writing forever. and you characterization skills are so fucnjkh good)

(Here's the fic for reference btw)

Dude, homie, bestie, my dear like it’s so STUCK IN MY BRAIN because like?? I in general am of the opinion that gals Stan and Richie were in dance classes as little kids together, because I think it’s fun, and I ALSO think they’re the two funniest characters to throw onto reality television? Like,,,, come on?  

(Also like I’m Bad at describing dance for a person who dances so unfortunately there isn’t nearly enough dance info forthcoming in this as there is in my brain)

SO the basic timeline and lore built out in my head is:

Age 2: Richie and Stan start dancing at the ALDC in those baby ballet classes, Andrea and Maggie become friends sitting in waiting rooms and tiny Richie and Stan baby bond INSTANTLY, so they’re best friends immediately 

Age 8: The show starts filming, and it follows the actual real life incredibly fucked up dance moms lore where everyone thought they were signing up for a short documentary style thing about dancing and got locked into YEARS OF TELEVISED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

They’re in a one year contract at first, which then gets upped to a five year contract once the show starts picking up, so six years in total that they’re REQUIRED to be on the show.

Stan genuinely is very invested in dance and both her and her parents specifically put a lot of weight in her being successful (without meaning to be kind of fucked up about it), and she’s an only child with a stay at home mom who can spend all her time on Dance, so that’s why they sign on

Richie is pretty much Gonna Do What Stan Is Doing and is generally having fun (-ish) with the being a minor celebrity of it all because she’s Nine Years Old so she’s down

She does have one older sister but she’s way, way older (18 when Richie is 8 kind of vibe) so she’s going to college by the time the show begins and therefore Maggie and Went feel comfortable committing to it

(There are some episodes where Maggie isn’t there because of Richie’s sister and Abby thinks she’s a bad mom because of it and says it a lot)

It’s also important to note that they’re just normal people being intensely manipulated by production to sign on

At the start of the show A La Maddie (DISCLAIMER: i refuse to write any semblance of real person fanfiction, Abby doesn’t count because she fucking sucks, so decide on ur own if the normal real dance moms girls are there or there are just other random Dance Children) Stan is very much the golden child who Always wins and Always gets very good solos because she’s abby’s favorite

Their solos are mostly Ballet and Lyrical because they are technically incredible and a very pretty dancer

HOWEVER like you said she is SUCH a perfectionist (mood) and takes every loss REALLY personally, so it becomes a sort of toxic fandom mindset that she is a spoiled brat because they cry a lot and have panic attacks over not liking how a dance went (FILMED LIVE ON FUCKING TELEVISION AT EIGHT! WUH OH!) 

Richie is sort of set up to be a Jojo type character, where she’s REALLY REALLY fun to watch dance and a ball full of energy but because she’s so Much all the time the producers end up painting her as very, very rude and sort of lazy brat

But she’s a fantastic performer, which is crazy important in dance, and it’s not like she’s BAD she’s just not super technical? Which actually sometimes works in her favor because she ends up being a really a super versatile dancer

Jazz and musical theater are her Big Two but she’s pretty much good at everything except ballet because WHO IS? (Stan)

The dynamic is basically Stan is a incredible dancer but really just at certain styles (idk if I’m describing this well but she’s very much the kind of dancer you watch and think Wow She’s Good At Dancing and Doing This Correctly) and Richie is very much a jack of all trades master of none

They’re very good at duets though because Richie gets Stan to loosen up and Stan refuses to let Richie Not Practice Constantly

Richie’s coasting the bottom of the pyramid WEEKLY even when she wins because of her ‘behavior’ and Stan is usually at the top

Generally the production team tries to frame the two of them as enemies because they’re SO different that it makes good television for perfect, ballerina Stan to be constantly butting heads with obnoxious brat Richie but they’re genuinely such good friends it Does Not Work

One episode is set up to sort of push the Hate Each Other narrative in season one where they give Stan a really cheesy, big performance jazz number and Richie a really, really technical ballet number, expecting it to be a big competition and fight but instead they just help each other practice and cheer each other up when they get upset

Stan wins the first nationals, obviously

Age 9-10ish: By the second season it sort of starts to pick up in intensity and both of them start to get homeschooled/setschooled and the show becomes their entire lives, which is Bad

By this point both of their mental health isn’t Awesome but Stan is really not doing great, especially because they’re so anxious the social media perception is really getting to them, and her mom is trying really hard to get out of their contract, but they’re stuck. 

Stan and Richie (along with their moms) decide they’re both leaving together the second their contracts are up.

Someone else from their team wins nationals second season but because Stan is so in her head about everything she gets like fourth, which is also Bad For Her and the narrative starts to slightly switch from ‘golden child’ into ‘is she Still the golden child?’

Age 11: THIRD SEASON, though, Richie win’s nationals and Stan gets second, which like… isn’t supposed to happen

(Fun actual Dance Moms fact: pretty much all the competitions are rigged but nationals are Less Rigged like they’re tilted in their favor but the judges are a little more real)

Abby is PISSED and basically tries to make it seem like the judges messed up scoring or it was a mistake and it’s one of those Famous dance moms scenes because Abby is basically saying that Stan should have won because she is better and Richie is clearly very genuinely upset (which doesn’t happen a lot she’s very good at like making when she’s upset a joke when the cameras are around) and Stan fully stands up to Abby and calls her out on her bullshit 

After that the whole energy skews more against Stan where suddenly production is airing a lot more of the little insults they usually cut out specifically for Stan to try and push the agenda that Abby is unfairly nice to them

Everyone sort of blames Richie for it a lot of the time, though, and the two of them probably have a thinly veiled duet called like The Bad Influence 

Age 12: Abby really fucks up and says something Genuinely So Bad (and probably Pretty Antisemetic im ngl because have you fucking watched dance moms?) to Stan so production literally cannot make them stay legally, like with Kelly situation, where it could get them into actual trouble so Stan and Andrea are allowed to break their contract and leave the show

The show runners cut most of the argument out and edit it to seem like it wasn’t Abby’s fault

Richie and her mom try to follow but because it’s a specific situation that wasn’t aimed at Richie they aren’t allowed

They both know they’re leaving when the contract is up but there's still two years stuck on the show without her immediate best friend support system and it really sucks

People make a lot of sad edits about it and Richie thinks it’s really funny but also it's genuinely the crux of why she's QUITE so mentally ill (in general being hated by abby was never good for her but once Stan leaves it's ROUGH)

Age 14: Richie’s off the show, she knows she’s gonna be off the show, so she like fully flips Abby off in the dressing room after nationals and storms out with her mom and the show honestly just keeps it in because it’s good tv to have a big reason like that to explain why she left

They worked it out so Stan and her mom are waiting outside and they drive them home and hang out and it’s a good time :)

OTHER LOSERS LORE:

Richie and Stan were best friends with Mike from before the show and they went to school together/continued to post both of them leaving the show

She’s in One (1) episode for two seconds at like a party or something and Richie and Stan pretty much Just Post That Scene when they’re older, like if someone asks them about their favorite moment they’re like oh yeah when mike was there

She’s got a big social media following from the two of them and thinks it’s hilarious

They meet the rest of the losers in college

Bill and Mike are college roommates who are crushing hard on eachother so she becomes their friend through Mike

Stan and Ben are roommates and Ben is dating Bev so that’s how they become friends

Bev was a childhood Dance Moms stan, like ran a fan instagram account and went to meet ups because I think that's really funny don’t worry she’s better now

Bill and Eddie have been best friends since elementary school so she gets dragged to a lot of their hangouts and is completely and entirely unaware that Stan and Richie are like c-list celebrities for a WHILE

tbh this is like a very train of thought bare bones explanation but do with it what you will :)

[bekkachaos]

*screams about heartstopper*

like literally i dont think any one piece of media has ever made me so joyful! It just just so beautiful. Visually its so pretty, thematically it toes (tows?) the line of realistic and comforting really well (at least for me), the acting is incredible - especially considering the age of the actors, and the constant unapolagetic queerness that is so obvoiusly written by queer people is so refreshing and just .. nice to see. Nick saying 'im bi, actually' so many times was heartwarming and - as someone who is bi themself - it was so nice to see that the only time the usual bi stereotypes were presented was through nicks anxiety (and also ben). I am so scared to see where they take nick's self worth in regards to his 'similarities' to ben bc i don't want to see him sad. I had already read the comics so it was so cool to see how effective this adaptation is continuing to be. the final few scenes of episode 6 have altered me as a human being and are like a visual form of pure nostalgia and comfort. the taylor song in there is so gorgeous. and speaking of songs the entire soundtrack was perfect (like they understand the vibe and the target audience) and had me doing the leo dicaprio pointing meme constantly. I also watched both seasons several times in the last few weeks and probably will rewatch for the rest of my life tbh. I cannot wait for the next season. anyway yea

I 100% agree I just watch this show or read the comics and I am smiling uncontrollably and just feel so warm and comforted and happy it's insane!! It's so beautiful to see something that feels so genuine and it's awkward but sweet and even seeing the changes and growth of all the characters from season 1 to season 2 feels so realistic!

Nick Nelson saying "I'm bi, actually" about seven times in S2 is literally so accurate and I felt so validated by that because it's so real (also as a fellow bisexual) to have to continually justify your sexuality depending on who you're in a relationship with. The queer rep is just wonderful and can I just say that Isaac's journey this season was one of my favourites and the way I screamed when he went back into the library and claimed the ace book at the end 🤌

Anyone who hurts Nick Nelson or makes him feel sad must endure my wrath! I want to put him in my pocket and protect him from all the sad in the world he is so sweet and caring and kind to Charlie, I hate seeing him compare himself to Ben but I love the way they showed that yes the situation was similar but he was so different because he cared about how his coming out made Charlie feel too and they literally talked and communicated, it was fucking beautiful.

And the whole hickey shenanigans from Charlie noticing it (or lbh from when Buck gave it to him) was so funny and realistic and just that episode was perfection (I'm saying this like all episodes weren't 😅)

The Taylor song scene literally did things to my heart, I felt that scene physically, and you are so right the whole soundtrack is perfect! I mean, Taylor aside you have girl in red, Conan Gray, Gabrielle Aplin, wolf Alice, Holly humberstone, Miya folick like so many more I am obsessed with the soundtrack! And have you listened to the "to Nick from Charlie" playlist based on the mixed tape from vol 1? It's literally also a vibe and has Hayley kiyoko (my beloved) and Troye Sivan (I was JUST SAYING that his blue neighbourhood album is so heartstopper coded and wild is one of the tracks 😭)

My life currently consists of:

Drive to work with heartstopper playlist

Return from work and watch reels from the show / rewatch episodes

Read more comic (trying to spread it out so I get more but I am failing)

Constantly think about all of them until I fall asleep

Repeat

I'm just obsessed and it makes me so happy like I can't even explain it, I love it so much 💕🩷💕

[hexfane]

oh shit i forgot tumblr is the PLACE to BE for oversharing. if you see this but dont care no you dont

absolutely insane rabid chomping at the bit madness in part because *hypo*manic episode and in part because genuine life changes nd trying to unlearn bad habits :~[

i am so fucking sick of holding myself back but i am such a dumb kicked puppy for no reason

i eternally am waiting for the shoe to drop. it always feels like im one second away from getting my heart ripped out of my chest and every day i feel so much shame when i Literally Didnt Do Anything. believe me if i had anything to actually gaf about i wouldn't be willingly expressing shit. but im always like Theyre Going To Get Me. who queen!! or Theyre Going To Find Out. find out what queen!!

why am i ashamed of being happy. why am i ashamed of being myself and doing things i enjoy.

why do i have fucking catholic guilt when i wasnt even raised religious lmao

and especially with big ol neon letters why am i ashamed of the fact i want to be known and cared about? ive internalized the fact im undeserving of care and that im doomed to never have it i dont even start and any attempts to even find piece in the segments of reality i set aside for myself makes me feel like im fucking evil. i get so mad at myself for expressing genuine emotion like actually fucking angry like im doing something wrong and people are going to hate me.

i also have a nebulous counter in my head that decides when i have been Too Free and that Now Everyone Will Hate You. Why Did You Do That? You Have Fucked Up. and i only know when i reach that point after ive done it, and it can be triggered by something as simple as liking a post or literally done absolutely nothing

just kidding i know why! it is the neurodivergence. i feel like the way my brain works makes me exist in a manner inherently incongruent from other people and that i am like a fucking creep for even trying to relate to other people, like i am a subhuman for the way i think and feel and live

i left my job recently bc of dumb petty teenage drama that made me have a massive meltdown at my Grown Ass Age and i think that also really fucked my shit up even further because im like borderline agoraphobic about talking to other people now? or being in situations socially that arent fully normalized to me? like im pushing through it and doing New Things TM but it is pretty taxing mentally and i think im on the butt end of that where now im just kinda empty feeling

also if you read this and are psychoanalyzing me yes i already know i suffer from paranoia/delusion issues and thats a big part of my shit ik. i dont do anything to exacerbate any kind of psychosis because for as much as i meme about it i am a pretty fucking conservative smoker and drinker. i eat my wheaties and shit, body has no reason to make me so crazy, and yet.

just know if i ever talk to you or interact with you in any way i have already accepted the fact that me doing that will make you think less of me just by default and fussed over it internally already before making the decision.

did you enjoy the spectacle, if u got down here? dw i dont mean that in a mean accusatory way i like reading these too, i'm nosey. thanks for listening