#i mean ill just write a fic about it no big deal But

[tamajam]

listen IM JUST SAYING in a game with so many themes surrounding healing from trauma and growing as people and escaping toxic dynamics like,,,, cmon guys getting to get kar'niss out of the absolute's hold would've been soooo cool. especially knowing that he comes from drow society + broken by TWO gods( lolth and thennn the absolute) + drider which u just know he's got like a mountain of trauma underneath all that religious fanaticism. lllllike cmonnnnnnnnn.

[impactedfates]

L Bozo Ratio!! - Dr Ratio x GN!Reader

★ Notes: I couldn't think of a better name haha, finally got to finishing and posting this!! This is slightly in a scenario format. They’ll be mini time stamps ^^ It's a kind weird format but it's one that made sense at the time of writing it

☆ Characters Included: Dr Ratio (Romantic) + Aventurine (Supporting)

★ Genre/Trope: (one-sided) Rivals to Lovers (but no one gets together yet) + Fluff + Crack(?)

☆ Warnings: None

★ Extra: Dr Ratio may be OOC // I'm not actually sure if the Intelligentsia Guild has a school but just pretend for the fic // Not fully proof-read // First half may be slightly dialogue heavy

“And you’re sure you don’t know when this started?”

The blonde asked as he shuffled some cards, peering at you through his heart shaped glasses

“Positive!! He was decently kind to me when I first joined the Guild. I don’t know what happened!!”

Aventurine chuckled, dealing out the cards between the two of you.

“If I know the doctor, I know he wouldn’t dislike someone for a reason-”

“He dislikes me?? Why! I didn’t-”

“Let me finish [Name]. He’s not someone who dislikes another for no reason, and I do believe you haven’t done anything wrong. So perhaps there’s a different reason why he acts this why”

He slowly places the remaining cards down, looking at you with a small smile that almost hinted he already had an idea.

“Now tell me the whole story, how you met and how it started. And the things that happened afterwards, just tell me everything from the start to now”

"Huh- Uh okay?"

.

.

.

HOW YOU TWO MET

You had just joined the Intelligentsia Guild. Setting up your classroom and preparing for future lessons with the students who had already signed up for your course when you heard a knock on the door.

You went and opened it and were met with the eyes of a purple haired man who stared at you.

"You must be the one everyone's talking about. I am Veritas Ratio, but many here just call me Dr Ratio"

He speaks before you could welcome him or even utter a greeting. You only smiled before responding yourself.

"People are already talking about me? That makes me a bit nervous...but yes, I'm the new teacher here. You can call me [Name]"

"No ones talking ill about you, don't fret. I just came by to introduce myself. If you ever need anything, my room is just down the hall. Just don't interrupt too much, especially if I'm teaching"

"Oh! Thank you Dr Ratio. I appreciate the help"

He peered inside the room, taking a small look around at the decorating you had down so far.

"Perhaps call an interior designer before you start your lessons, you may need it"

"WHA- Hey! I'm not even do-"

But he was already off walking down the hall before you could finish. With a sigh escaping your lips, you closed your classroom door again to continue decorating

WHEN IT STARTED

You weren't sure on the exact date, I mean who could name the exact date someone randomly seemed to despise you when you thought you had a good relationship?

Sure you weren't close with Dr Ratio, but you weren't exactly not friends with him either. You two would chat, especially when the two of you had free time, but one day he just ignored you?

You weren't sure why, until some of the yearly exam results came out and he proudly showed how well his students did. You were confused at the sudden appearance but it wasn't unwelcomed as you happily showed your classes results as well.

"Our students are pretty smart!! All our classes passed with flying colours"

You happily said as you slid over the total marks your classes did. You expected him to congratulate you or...something? You weren't sure what to expect from his reaction, but not for him to glare at the score, throwing his paper carelessly and walking out, turning to face you. He said in a determined voice. "I'll beat you next time Mx. [Name]"

"...Beat me in wha-"

He slammed your classroom door...

You grabbed the paper from the ground and double checked the two scores, there must be a big difference if he suddenly challenged you or well...vowed? To get a higher score than your class? Even if it was out of character for him to care-

.

.

.

A 1% difference...?

DURING THE "RIVALRY"

You tried to talk to him, tried to pinpoint why he suddenly cared so much about "beating" your class in test and exam scores. Sure you didn't know him that well, but at the same time? You knew it wasn't in his nature to care about this kind of thing.

Honestly you didn't know anyone who would actually care...

It was just test scores, just showing how well the two of you taught a class...he wasn't trying to show he was a better teacher right...?

Sure the students praised you more but that was merely cuz he was stricter with his teachers. Apparently he threw someone out the window?? At least that's what you heard in passing...

In any case, you couldn't think of a logical conclusion as to why he suddenly wanted to have this sudden rivalry. But you wanted to find out.

You tried to talk to him, knock on his door a few times a month to talk to him, giving him his favourite food. Heck you even gave back the chalk you accidentally on purpose forgot to give back to him.

But he was dry with his response, looking away when you tried to talk to him or heck even smiled at him.

YOUR SMILE WAS NOT THAT BAD.

This became such a habit the other teachers noticed. They already noticed how kindly Dr Ratio already treated you compared to the others when you first joined, and when he became more cold and dry to you they noticed more.

You could see their lingering stares as the scholar once again shut his book with one hand and walked off without another word to you. You tried asking the other scholars but they weren't sure what was going on either. None of them have dealt with this so-called rivalry.

You knocked on his door once again, to which he slowly opened. Being accustomed to the soft knocks that came from your hand.

"Ratio!! I brought you some Stargazer cake!!"

"....many thanks [Name]"

He muttered, taking the plate from your hands.

"So I just wanted to-"

He shut the door in your face...again. Does he have a thing for not letting people finish or are you the lucky one?

CURRENT

"And that kinda brings us to here? But yeah, I'm not sure why he started the rivalry"

"Perhaps it's to hide something~ Something he doesn't want to tell a certain someone yet"

"What? Hiding something...what could he be hiding"

"That he lo-"

"That's enough Aventurine."

You snapped your head up to the source of the voice, as the gambler leaned his head back to look at the new addition to the room."

"Doctor~ Funny to see you here again, good to know your interrupting habits and not letting someone finish their sentence doesn't only apply to your cru-"

"...Shut it gambler...I need to have a word with you"

Aventurine chuckled, as he stood up and placed the cards down on the middle of the table. Telling you he'd be right back as the two of them went into another room.

You sat there, for maybe a minute or two. Until curiosity hit you like a brick. You knew they were talking about you. Or at least, that was most likely, and if you were right. Then that means the duo were chatting about Ratios behaviour...surely a small listen wouldn't hurt?

You slowly walked over to the room, careful to be quiet as you listened to the conversation.

"And what makes it so hard, Doctor? Just tell them. You can't keep using this whole rivalry thing to buy you time"

"You don't understand...it's easier said than done...besides, I'd rather make it more special. I can't just go out there and tell them in this situation"

"What would flowers and a more romantic setting do?"

"Make them feel special...make them hopefully feel the exact same way I felt when I realised I loved them"

FINALLY FINISHED IT!! I got my computer fixed a bit ago but still struggled to find the words to continue but here I am >:D Hopefully this was worth the wait sipadgpsirp

[breezy141]

OMG YOUR CASEOH FIC WAS SOOOO CUTE🩷🩷

PLS PLS write more for him noone writes for him😭😭 maybe a jealousy? One ik it's basic but I think the jealousy trope is so cute BUT ILL LOVE ANYTHING 🩷🩷

of course i csn! also i knoww, i wish people wrote more for him! i hope you like it 💌 masterlist.

jealousy, jealousy | caseoh x f! reader

sum: you and case were currently filming a video for your youtube channel, you were at mcdonald’s chillin. however, case soon became agitated as a “fan” got a little to close to you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

overtime, you had been able to rack up 2.6 million followers on twitch, and 1.4 million on youtube. you were able to make quite a name for yourself, giving you opportunities to do brand deals for clothing brands, and tech-y brands. as well, you’d met some great people such as, jynxzi, his girlfriend breckie, sketch, and caseoh.

quite quickly, you and caseoh clicked. instantly becoming great friends, and hanging out every chance you could, as well as streaming together. such as, PO box openings, playing 3 scary horror games or even filming a few vlogs for your separate youtube channel.

it was obvious that you and case liked each other, but you were both to shy to make the first move. case knew he was yours, just as you knew, you were his.

currently, you and case were clutching at your stomachs as you were both laughing uncontrollably at the the camera. you had seen such a funny moment take place and neither of you could get it out of your mind. you were sat outside of mcdonald’s eating some nuggets, that you both shared.

“i’m sorry that was hilarious” case says while wiping the corners of his eyes, you breathed out slowly as you attempted to calm yourself down. after a bit you continued you talk about some random topics, making sure to address the camera every once and awhile.

while talking, a guy who seemed to be in his early twenties walked up to you and began talking. “hi! i’m a big fan i was just wondering if i could get a picture with you?” you placed does your drink down and nodded to the man. “hi! of course! what’s your name?” the man smiled sweetly. “adam” you smiled back, standing up and wiping off any crumbs.

you clicked off the camera really quickly.

this isn’t the first time someone has asked you for a photo, it doesn’t annoy you too much as you enjoy interacting with your fans. “can you take the picture?” adam asks, pointing his phone towards case, not very kindly either.

you frowned slightly, case sat there staring at the guy, before moving. “yup” he replied, as he took his phone and placed his half eaten nugget down and stood from his chair.

adam placed his hand on your hip and pulled you to his side. you were kind of uncomfortable, you didn’t expect for him to be so handsy, case continued staring not wanting to show his irritation.

“could you maybe put your arm on my shoulder maybe? sorry..” you spoke with a quiet voice, feeling uncomfortable by even bringing it up. “it’s only one photo” adam said, trying to justify his action.

“she said move your arm, do it your not having a picture with her” case spoke up, trying his hardest to hide the pure jealousy. that should be him holding your hips, should be him getting close to you and holding you close to him.

adam cleared his throat and did as he was told. you smiled sweetly, and case took the photo. almost immediately, case handed the phone back to adam. “thank you” he said quietly, walking away from you both.

you hugged your arms, and looked over to case. he watched the guy as he walked away, “are you okay?” he asked, making his way over to you. “yeah, i just didn’t expect him to do that” he nodded and took your hand leading you back to the table.

“i know, i mean he could of least gave you a warning, there was no need for all that” you raised your eyebrow at him “i mean really, he had no basic respect for you. and he should, especially in your presence” he spoke as he used his nugget to point at you. “i don’t like the way he held you, wasn’t right i m-”

“are you jealous, case?” he turned to you and shook his head. “no, why would i be jealous..” you giggled to yourself.

“i’m not jealous”

“okayy”

“don’t do that, i’m NOT”

“okay okay!” you looked over to him, smiling.

“okay maybe just a little, how could i not be though!?” case explained playing with his cap. you could tell he was nervous. “i just didn’t like how he held you like that, he was too close for my liking” he shrugged as he defended himself.

“it’s okay, i understand. i think i’d react the same” he sighed, feeling guilty about the way he reacted, he didn’t want to look you. his knee bounced as he thought about what he said.

you scooted closer to him, and wrapped your hand about his arm. “heyy, it’s okay i promise. i get why you reacted the way you did. no need to be ashamed” you flashed him a sweet smile, and kissed his cheek.

immediately his cheeks went a dark shade of red, you giggled to yourself as you watched him smile to himself. his knee had calmed down completely.

“thank you”

:)

���･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

i hope you enjoyed. it’s currently 11:40pm and i have a maths exam tomorrow. i should be sleepin 🙏

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

I am SO curious about the SQH Burnout Fic 🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️ i beg <333

i have a bad habit of writing a new sickfic to cope every time i feel unwell 😂 this one is SQH gets anxious about the future, overworks himself, and gets pneumonia. excerpt from near the end of the fic, which i wrote first for some reason?

Shang Qinghua isn’t sure what makes him aware of the change in the room. A shift in the air, a sound, maybe just the slightest drop in temperature. He blinks, sleepy and bleary, at the pages of the novel he was failing to read, feeling warm and syrupy from whatever was in the medicine Mu Qingfang was dosing him with. “My king?” Mobei-jun steps from the shadows silently, and comes to sit at the edge of his bed. He’s dressed down, unarmored— just soft silk robes and simple boots, no weapons or jewelry save a pendant around his neck. Shang Qinghua recognizes it as one he gave his king when he was still a disciple, some ridiculous one-of-a-kind protection artifact that he’d known to snatch out of a crumbling temple thanks to special author knowledge, about forty years before it was going to become plot relevant. He hadn’t realizes that Mobei-jun still had it. Had he been wearing it all this time? Mobei-jun’s cold claw-tips brush through his bangs. “Shang Qinghua,” he says, rumbling and familiar. Shang Qinghua blinks up at him. “My king,” he repeats. And, suddenly struck by the memory of exactly what position(s?) the king of the Northern Desert last saw him in, feels his face heat in a way that has nothing to do with any lingering fever. “My king! I’m so—” Mobei-jun halts him with a raised hand. “You are recovering?” “Yes, my king,” Shang Qinghua says. “I’m doing much better already.” “Good.” Mobei-jun pulls over the chair that Shen Qingqiu was sitting in earlier. The sight of his hulking form dragging over and delicately maneuvering into the small chair sparks something warmer than amusement in Shang Qinghua’s chest. “This king… must apologize.” Shang Qinghua’s gaze jerks up. “W-what?” “You were sick. Humans are weakened by the cold. I allowed you to stay and work in the North anyways, and missed the signs of your ill health. Qinghua could have died.” “But I didn’t. I wouldn’t have! My king, I was just sick, it wasn’t… as bad as all that. I’m a cultivator, it takes more than some cold weather to take me out.” He gives an awkward laugh. “It does take more than the cold. Qinghua was overworking himself, and was hiding from this king.” “But I overwork myself all the time,” Shang Qinghua says, the words coming out more earnestly than he means them to. He drops the book and wraps his arms around himself, looking away. “I’ve been working like this since I was a disciple. I don’t understand what’s changed. I should have just felt bad for a little bit and then dealt with it and gotten better. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal.” “I am sorry,” Mobei-jun repeats. He runs his fingers through Shang Qinghua’s loose hair again, and Shang Qinghua leans tiredly into the touch. “I… regret. The part I played in not allowing Qinghua to rest. Then, and now.” Shang Qinghua’s face feels hot. He scrubs at his eyes, the feeling only intensifying as Mobei-jun continues to run his cold hands through his hair, his claws pleasantly scraping against his scalp, the touch comforting. “It’s fine, my king,” he says. “It is not. But I will endeavor not to make the same mistake again.” Shang Qinghua leans miserably into Mobei-jun’s cool touch.

[dazzle02]

Why Do People Never Let Ian's Bipolar Be About IAN?

This does get rambly and ranty and might annoy people. So beware.

Honestly so fed up of looking for good fics about Ian's Bipolar and most of them being about Mickey's feelings on it, and from Mickey's POV, and how hard it is for him to see Ian like that and how stressful it is on him.

Yes, loved ones of people struggling with Mental Illnesses go through a lot and that's important to acknowledge.

But why aren't there more fics about how Ian feels about his Bipolar? How hard it is for him? How he feels when he's manic or depressed? How he feels after an episode? Him having to deal with living his life with Bipolar? How he interacts with the world as someone with Bipolar? Him getting to defend himself if someone is ableist towards him? How he feels about the Psych Ward? How he feels about the way everyone (including Mickey) sometimes speaks about him?

And this is the opposite of that, but I'd also love fics that explore the Gallagher's feelings on it. Especially the younger ones as that was never really explored in the show. How awful Debbie and Carl must've felt in that moment where they go to Mickey's house and see Ian laying in bed unresponsive and realise what's happening. How it must've felt to watch their big brother who was always so reliable and steady be brought down by the same thing as Monica. Liam's feelings on having helped Frank profit off his mania, which wasn't on Liam as he was a child being manipulated by his Father, but surely he would've later realised what was going on and had feelings about it. Debbie's fear at hearing Fiona tell Mickey that he could end up suicidal. But also Fiona and Lip. Having to see their little brother go through this. We got a bit more of that in the show though.

But mostly, like I said, I want more about how IAN feels about everything. One of my favourite moments from the show is him fighting for his EMT job. It's so important. It's him fully accepting that he is Bipolar and that it is a disability and fighting to still get to live a fulfilling life. Realising that being Bipolar isn't the end of his world, that he can still do something with his life. That Monica was right when she said that people like them can be happy, even if her way of getting that wasn't healthy. And the story leading up to that of him realising what being Bipolar means outside of the actual Disorder. What it means for him in the world as a member of society. That first moment of discrimination for being Bipolar. And him at first feeling defeated by it, but then deciding to fight. And I know we all hate Caleb, but he DID help Ian in some ways. He pushed him to fight for his job. Did he say things in the best way? No. But he did clearly believe that Ian really had it in him to be an EMT and saw it as bullshit that being Bipolar could keep him from that. And Ian fought. And he won. He knew his rights. He knew that he was being kept from work due to being Bipolar. And he knew that that was discrimination and not okay and he said it. And he got his job back and gained the respect of his co-workers.

And I wish people would write about that sort of thing more. Instead of having someone be ableist towards him and him just getting sad and Mickey getting protective and defending him then taking him home and comforting him, have Ian stand up for himself like he did in that scene. Yes, sometimes you need someone to stand up for you and then comfort you. It can be nice to have someone who will defend you so you don't have to constantly do it yourself. But it's such a big part of Ian's character that he DOESN'T need Mickey to step in and defend him. He can do it himself. And he will. In fics Mickey gets to stand up to Terry himself and doesn't need Ian to do it for him, why is Ian not allowed the same thing?

Same with when dealing with Frank, or Kash/Ned. Somehow it always ends up feeling like it's more about Mickey than Ian. How he feels about the people who hurt Ian. Him defending him and telling them off. Why can't Ian get to do that more?

Ian is more than capable of defending himself. And more than capable of kicking someone's ass. He has ROTC training. He can fire a gun perfectly. He took Mickey out with one punch to the neck. He was beating the shit outta Terry in 4x11 before someone smashed a chair over his back. Frank said in the Pilot that he could "disembowel an enemy with a roll of dimes and an old gym sock." He said in S1 that he broke a guys leg in Karate so bad it took three pins to put it back together. He can fight, and he can HURT people. Just because he usually prefers not to doesn't mean he can't or won't. Because he has shown that he can and will. He's not some Damsel in Distress who needs Mickey to come and save him all the time. This is why I kinda hate the scenes of Carl and Kelly teaching Ian to fight before he's going to Prison. As if he's not the one who Carl was asking to teach him new knife grips in S3, as if he doesn't have all that ROTC training, as if he's never fought in his life and doesn't know even the basics. It should've been more framed as them helping him touch up on the stuff he already knows, that he was doing long before they were. Stuff that it honestly sounds like he might've been teaching Carl when he was younger. Just having him say to them "Hey, I haven't done this stuff properly in years and just wanna make sure I can still do it. Wanna help?" Instead of framing it like he'd never done this before and they just knew so much more than he did.

And why can't he process these things with one of his siblings sometimes? And this is just my love for platonic relationships coming out. But I wish there were more fics about Ian and his siblings. Especially Debbie and Carl. I've read a few that focus on him and Lip or Fiona, and Liam too. But there's just something so special about his relationships with Debbie and Carl and the fics are sorely lacking. (But even the Fiona, Lip and Liam ones tend to be more focused on Gallavich. I LOVE Gallavich, but I need more fics where Ian gets to exist within his family without Mickey...)

Honestly I just need more fics where Ian gets to exist as his own person and not just as Mickey's husband.

That's what this post is about really. I am really focused on this right now. The fandoms treatment of Ian makes me sick. (Along with some other characters...)

I also would love for more of him with Kev and/or Veronica. I feel like that was underutilised in the show. He got a few scenes with Kev over the seasons, and a couple with V too. But others got full stories focused around their friendships with them, but Ian didn't. (Just as he was the only one who never had a meaningful story with Frank, which I kinda like as a plot point, but would like more if they actually MADE IT a plot point instead of it just being that they very rarely interact, when they do it's negative and Ian never really has any feelings about that...) There could've been a really interesting story arc when Svetlana was starting her relationship with them and they were becoming parents to Yevgeny. Ian seeing this and feeling happy that Svetlana is happy, and that Yevgeny has such good parents in his life, but also feeling some sadness due to losing that relationship due to his mania. Feeling that grief of the family dynamic that they'd built between S4&5, and at having to see these people he loves be parents to the kid he loved as his own while he couldn't because his mania ruined that for him. Maybe even eventually having Svetlana give him another chance. Have it be emotional, but then have a kinda comedic story of Ian, Kev and V realising that they have become coparents and then a sweet story of them figuring that extra dynamic out. This would be good for multiple reasons.

But back to what started this post, sorry for the rambles. I am fed up of IAN'S Bipolar being made about Mickey.

Not even just in fics.

The amount of posts or comments on things that I'll see that are all "Poor Mickey" "Mickey is struggling with this so much" "This is so hard for Mickey" "Mickey hates seeing Ian like this" "This must be so scary for Mickey" etc pisses me off. What about Ian? You know, the one who actually HAS Bipolar? The one who while manic enlisted in the Army under his brothers identity, then proceeded to try to steal a helicopter and surface to air missiles (that one is never talked about... by anyone. Not even in the show. When the MPs find Lip they list that as one of the things he tried to steal and everyone just brushes past it. WTF did he want them for?!) and then went AWOL. Then stayed with his ex (one of the men who groomed him as a teen), ended up kicked out, then lived in a crack house with his mother who is also Bipolar, ended up working in a strip club and selling himself and doing drugs and starving himself, then his mother left him there, eventually ended up back home, then had a depressive episode (I always wonder if that was his first or if he'd had one before anyone found him but just didn't know what it was and couldn't process it as he was unmedicated. Part of me wonders if he had his first while staying in that crack house with Monica and if maybe that was when she left... I feel like it could make sense...) had his entire family trying to get him to see a doctor because they're convinced (rightly so) that he has the same thing that they seem to hate Monica for (they hate her for leaving and the things she did to hurt them, but it often gets so twisted that it comes off as hating her for being Bipolar in the first place...) except Mickey who is adamant he's fine and is protecting him from having to talk to a doctor and defending him to his siblings until suddenly he's not after Ian MADE A PORNO that is out there forever and he has to live with that forever, so he ran off with the baby he loves as his own, sells himself again to get money to buy stuff for Yev, ends up convinced that the Police who are trying to "take his baby" were sent by JESUS (which is absolutely heartbreaking and I wish they'd gone into that a little more because Ian had a lot of religious trauma when it came to his Bipolar, and I know that religious delusions are pretty common in Bipolar and Schizophrenia, but I always wonder if that was also in part due to him being gay and literally earlier in the season having to deal with religious homophobes...) then thought he was being chased by Demons sent by an Angel, then he ended up sedated and arrested (the arresting officer seemed kind and understanding, which was such a relief...) and then he was in the Psych Ward and he did not like it and it was clearly traumatising for him and his meds were just making him totally numb. Then he was out of there, with a diagnosis he didn't believe but everyone else did, and meds he had to take but didn't want to because they made him feel like LIFE WASN'T WORTH LIVING (also, wish people would explore how Debs must've felt hearing him say that...) so he flushed them and then had his sister using the same tactics on him that they used to use on Monica and that must've just felt so shitty. But also, Mickey wasn't there. The first thing Carl said to him was "What does it feel like to be crazy?" And I don't hold it against Carl, he was a scared kid with no reference for how to be more sensitive about that stuff, but man that must've hurt. (Also, I think about the look on Ian's face when Carl says it could be him next so much! He looked so upset! He would never want that for his little brother!) Then Mickey's back, yay! But then he's waking up absolutely terrified because he's convinced there are MPs trying to get in the house to take him away, and he almost hits Debbie with a bat. Then he's getting told that he's likely going to have to be on these meds that he HATES for FORTY YEARS! Possibly longer. Basically this is something he has to deal with his whole life.

Then he's having to deal with adjusting to the meds, and everyone fussing over him like he's a child and just everyone treating him differently. He puts his hand on a hot stove just to feel something. And he opens up to Sammi about the Army. Also, first time he refers to himself as mentally ill. First time he really acknowledges that. And he manages to open up to Mickey about how the meds make him feel, about how he needs Mickey to be his boyfriend and his partner instead of just his caretaker. And it seems that Mickey is understanding that. He stops protesting at Ian having a beer, they go home happy and plan a proper date. Then fucking Sammi reveals she's called the MPs and they're there to arrest him. Literally the episode before this his first scene was him being absolutely terrified due to believing they were there trying to get him, and now they really are. And he is dragged out of there screaming. He's feeling betrayed because he opened up to Sammi and she threw it back in his face. And he's terrified. Then he has to hear his siblings talk about him like he's not there, talk about how bad his Bipolar is, talk about how he's been acting crazy, how their mother with the same thing made their lives hell, how he sometimes can't take care of himself, list all the things he did while manic. And they're doing it to help him. They love him and want him home and safe, but hearing them say all that would hurt! And then his Mum is there, telling him all this stuff about everyone wanting to fix them and how he'll never be able to make them happy because of that. And how is he supposed to not believe that when he's just had to listen to his siblings say all that? When he's just been dealing with everyone treating him like their patient instead of brother and boyfriend. When he already feels he's just been hurting everyone he loves. So when he's released he goes with her because she gets it, and they can just be fucked up together where they can't hurt anyone and everyone will be better off without him. But then while he's with her she talks about bad things that happened when he was a kid like they're fun and good memories, and she's dating a drug dealer who cooks meth and is just awful, and she tells him they CAN be happy. And he goes home. But he's feeling terrible about himself still, he still feels like he's just a burden on everyone, especially Mickey. So he breaks up with him because the thought of keeping him tied to him like that destroys him. Oh, and you know, that scene at the bridge where he was very clearly thinking of jumping because he was so depressed and felt his life was over... Ya know, that little scene.

Why is it never about all that? Why is it almost always "Poor Mickey having to see him like this" and "Mickey is such a great boyfriend for dealing with this!" And like, yes, it obviously sucks for Mickey having to see the man he loves like that. And yes, certain things that happened during that time hurt Mickey. And yes, he's a good boyfriend who tries his best to take care of Ian. But WHY is that so much more important to people than the person who's brain has turned against him and blown up his entire life?

I know why. Ableism. Plain and simple.

And the show could be guilty of this at times too. So much of the story of him first showing symptoms and then his diagnosis were from other character's POV. Especially Mickey's. We get a bit of a shift in 5x06 when he takes Yevgeny, and then him in the Psych Ward. But then it kinda shifts back to other characters again. A moment I think about a lot is when Ian and Mickey go to the clinic to get Ian's meds after the incident with the bat. It's a good scene, and I would say it's more Ian's POV. But I kinda wish the scene had ended on a shot of Ian instead of Mickey. Don't get me wrong, showing both reactions to the doctor saying Ian would be on the meds for at least 30-40 years was important, but I kinda wish that it had gone from Ian to Mickey and back to Ian again. I just think it's kind of important how a scene closes and who that last shot is of. And in that moment, it should've been Ian because this was about HIM. And by ending it on Mickey, it feels kind of more focused on Mickey than Ian. And I hate that. In that moment, Ian should've been the focus. Just as there are moments that Mickey should be the focus. (Like there should've been scenes from Mickey's POV about 3x06 and the aftermath...)

I'm just fed up. I want more fics about Ian as a person outside his relationship with Mickey. I want more people talking about Ian outside his relationship with Mickey. More people acknowledging Ian's relationships with his family and friends.

I love Mickey. I love Gallavich. I love reading fics about them. And I DO enjoy fics where Mickey is taking care of Ian. But when that's basically all I can find it gets boring and exhausting.

I want more fics from Ian's POV about his own Disorder and traumas. I want more fics about Ian's relationships with his siblings. I want more fics of Ian with characters other than Mickey. Like, let him and Tami bond over their experiences being groomed and learn to truly process that with someone who understands. Let him have days out with just Franny. Let him bond with Veronica over their medical knowledge. Spend time with Kev. Let him have feelings over when Carl was trying to get into Westpoint. WHY wasn't there a scene between them about when Carl was rejected from Westpoint where he goes to talk to Ian because he knows he understands?! Why was there basically NOTHING between them when Carl started Military School and was wanting to go to Westpoint? I loved the scenes of them running together and I loved the scene where Carl told Ian he was considering not going to Military School because Dom wanted to get back together and Ian told him not to. But where were the scenes acknowledging that this was Ian's dream that got ripped away from him by his Bipolar? Where was the scene of Ian telling Carl he's proud of him? Of Carl going to him for advice? Why did they have to make Ian dismiss Debbie's sexuality? Why couldn't they have them bond? Or at least if they wanted to keep that first scene of her coming out to him and him saying she's not, have a scene later in the episode where he apologises to her and explains that he's just scared for her because he doesn't want her to have to go through the stuff he's had to or that the people he was helping during the Gay Jesus arc were going through and that because that was still SO fresh and literally at the front of his mind that fear took over and he just didn't want that for Debbie. That could've been interesting. Instead they just decided that the one person in the family who should've been the most understanding and helpful to her when she was questioning her sexuality is actually just going to totally invalidate it and never provide a reason. Because the fear of someone you love going through the same thing you've had to your whole life is going to make you act irrationally and maybe do or say things you shouldn't, and that could've been really interesting. Instead it just wasn't. Instead it was just everyone telling Debbie she wasn't gay and then suddenly that just stops and it's never mentioned again that anyone was saying that. Let it be an ACTUAL story with genuine feelings between two queer siblings who love each other instead of whatever that was meant to be.

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Part two thoughts on an ani x bpd reader? Like, when things get that bad, does either of them wake the fuck up and realize things need to change? Remorse or guilt? The reader leaving? Ani leaving or falling into a self loathing hole, doing bad stuff again and again whether to himself or reader) and not taking care of himself?

It’s interesting to read some of your takes on BPD relationships, because I obviously have no idea what that’s like, but you do. You can make it seem very addicting, but also very terrifying and unhealthy, depending on which way the pendulum swings (I hope you take that as a compliment. Tone is hard through text. Lol. 😅).

I personally do not believe abuse is justified in any situation, whether you have a disorder or not. There’s lots of ways to deal with feelings without taking it out on someone else. On the other hand, I know some BPD’s have described feeling horrified with themselves after an episode like that, and so I’ve never really known just how much ‘control’ someone has in that moment. Either way, I still believe it’s the person’s responsibility to find a way to deal with it. Nobody deserves to be miserable around them just because they can’t handle something.

Anyway, I kind of went off on a rant. Apologies. Lol. My main request was for a part two of Ani x BPD reader! ❤️🫶✨

Not offended at all bby.

I think after I’m done with stalker!ani I’ll write a fic on this. Just cause so many people have asked about it.

100% BPD X BPD would be a terrible pairing. Coming from me as a bpd gal.

Now, personally, I’ve never physically abused anyone during an episode. But I HAVE done lots of property damage and I also broke my hand when I used a concrete wall as a punching bag. I split a wooden bat at the tip from whacking a fence once.

When it gets that bad, I don’t really remember what I said or did. I just feel really jittery, almost like an extreme caffeine high you know? (Imagine old cartoon character drinking coffee and their whole body vibrates, eyeballs and all)

But if it doesn’t get to that point, which it rarely does now that I’m medicated correctly and have a good support system, I IMMEDIATELY feel regret. Like horrible sorrow. Bpd means big feelings and when I feel regret, which isn’t often, it feels like I’m grieving a death that I’m to blame for.

For the smaller, more snappy or short outbursts:

My mouth works faster than the logical part of my brain that tells me not to say something mean.

Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of saying something awful and then I just have to finish it because the damage is done and I may as well spit it out. Then I’ll lock myself in the bathroom for an hour until I’ve hyped myself up enough to apologize, then I’ll go back to the bathroom until the big feelings from my apology die down. I’ll be quiet, basically selectively mute for the rest of the day and be super irritable.

It’s exhausting. But it’s even more exhausting to have to continually remind myself not to spew the first thing that pops into my head or not to chuck the bag of shredded cheese at the wall because I can’t get the ziploc to open.

It’s so stupid that something so small as getting my hairbrush stuck on a knot in my hair could set me off into a teeth gritting, foot stomp and shriek. Like wtf? That’s embarrassing. But it happens before I can even think about what I’m doing.

The best way I can describe it is: I’m a bratty toddler when it comes to emotional regulation.

But you’re so right tho, your illness doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass. It just proves the person doesn’t want to put in the work to get better if they use it as a justifying reason.

BPD might cause my reactions, but I’m in charge of my actual actions. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to recognize that though. I’m an adult now, I’m medicated, I’ve spent my fair share of days in the loony bin. Looking back at my teenage self? It’s horrific and sad. For me and everyone around me back then.

[sister-lucifer]

Hey I love your work you’re one of my favorite writers on tumblr!! If you want to I have an Idea! Could u do obey me headcanon or fic on an mc who is sick? I love Lucifer so anything with him is perfect! TYSM!!

Demon Brothers With a Sick MC 

The Brothers x Gender Neutral Reader 

Genre: Fluff, could be read as platonic or romantic depending on your mood 

Content/Warnings: He/She Asmodeus, no warnings, just tooth rotting fluff 

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio! 

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated:)

Not fully proofread! Let me know if you see any errors!

Lucifer 

Being the dad of the house, he’s definitely the most prepared 

And he’s able to keep calm when the others are overreacting 

It’s just a little flu, it happens to humans all the time! 

It’s not like you’re dying or anything! 

…You’re not dying, right? 

No, no! Of course not, that’s a silly worry 

But he’ll keep a close eye on you just in case 

While simultaneously having to keep his terrified brothers at bay so they don’t disturb your much needed rest

He’s already ordered plenty of human world things for you as well since demon sickness and human sickness are incredibly different 

Nothing in the Devildom would work for you 

He’s keeping track of all your meds and when you have to take them 

He’s got a whole schedule and he will make you adhere strictly to it 

But it’s for your own good 

Overall the most responsible caretaker, even if he can be a bit rigid 

It’s only because he cares about you and wants you to get better 

Mammon 

Wait 

You’re sick?! 

This can’t be happening! 

His precious human has fallen ill! It’s the end of days! Its— 

Oh wait it’s just the common flu? 

…Oh 

But what if that flu gets WORSE?! 

And you DIE?! 

WAAAAH—

(Yeah he’s freaking out) 

He tries to hide it at first but soon his worry completely takes over 

He’s practically SOBBING at your bedside as if you have days left when in reality you’re just a little sniffly and have a kind of fever 

He accompanies Lucifer on EVERY trip to your room and has to practically be dragged away from you

He knows you need rest but he needs to watch over you just in case! 

And you better not throw up or anything because that will have him convinced you’re at death’s door 

He’s gonna be an absolute mess until you’re 100% recovered, and maybe even a while after 

And he’ll definitely be camping out on the floor of your room to make sure you’re okay and to get you anything you need 

And that means ANYTHING 

Mammon can swindle his way into just about anything 

If Lucifer somehow hasn’t gotten you what you need already, Mammon has it 

And it was totally worth the debt it put him in

Leviathan 

He’s the second most worried 

But instead of outwardly freaking out the way Mammon does he lays in his bed worrying about you 

Logically he knows it’s not that big of a deal, and in a few days to a week you’ll be all better 

But his anxiety keeps reminding him of that slim chance that you won’t ever get better 

And the thought is just too much to bear! 

He’ll be visiting you a lot too 

And he’ll probably sleep on the floor once or twice too 

He cant do it as often as Mammon since the hard floor is too uncomfortable for him to actually get any sleep 

But it’s the fact that he tried that matters 

He’ll be supplying you with warm blankets and plenty of little puzzles or games to keep you entertained while you’re stuck in bed (Lucifer’s orders)

He’s simply nice to have around and great gaming partner 

After a bit of reassurance he’ll stop being so worried 

And he strikes the perfect balance of being fun company while also knowing when you need your rest 

Satan 

Genuinely the least worried 

Obviously that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, but he thinks his brothers are overreacting a wee bit 

It almost makes him a bit jealous to see them doting on you the way they do 

Even Lucifer! 

Like, what?! 

But that’s okay, because he can out do them all 

When he finally gets a moment alone with you, he makes sure to bring some books 

He’ll read to you for as long as you’d like 

He likes the way you smile up at him as he reads, he can really tell that you’re enjoying not only the story but just his presence itself 

And he gets to share his favorite stories with you! 

It’s a big fat win-win 

He especially likes to read to you at night before you go to bed 

He loves how peaceful you look as you slowly drift off to his words 

Sometimes even the other brothers will join in to hear the stories 

Of course they all leave once you’ve fallen asleep for good, bickering on the way out about something or other concerning your health 

But when he’s sure no one is looking, Satan sneaks back in to your room to give you a kiss on the forehead and a goodnight before heading off 

Oh, and he always leaves a few books on your bedside table in case you want to read them 

They always make him feel better, after all

Asmodeus 

Lucifer has the medicine covered, but Asmodeus takes care of you in a more glamorous way 

Bubble baths are his go to remedy! 

The right mixture of salts and scents can clear your sinuses, soothe your body aches, and even help bring down your fever 

Self care is always important, but it’s especially essential when you’re feeling under the weather! 

She puts together the most amazing bubble baths too; bath bombs, essential oils, candles, all the fixings 

And with a bit of well done magic she can ensure the water never gets cold 

So you can enjoy the serenity of the dimly lit bathroom without a time limit or getting chilly 

And he’ll even write you little notes on the fogged up mirror 

Of course, though, he’s going to ask to join you 

And if you say yes he’ll absolutely spoil you 

She’ll insist on washing your hair for you since you’re so sickly and weak 

You shouldn’t have to lift a finger 

Just relax and let the rose petals in the water drift through your mind 

She’ll take care of you 

For the avatar of lust, he actually manages to be surprisingly sweet 

There are even times when you can tell he’s genuinely worried 

But she knows you’ll pull through 

After the bubble bath it’s right into the comfiest pajamas a Devilgram brand deal can buy 

And then some beauty rest for the both of you 

Beelzebub 

This sweet boy is so kind but so clueless 

He doesn’t even totally realize what’s going on until you tell him yourself 

Of course, he’s handling your meals 

At first Lucifer has to monitor him to make sure he doesn’t eat it all before it gets to your room 

But Beel really does want to take care of you 

Everyone else is doing their part, so should he! 

And that is enough to give him the willpower to make you three meals a day without eating a single bite! 

(Okay well— Maybe he did have a tiny bite, but it was so small even Lucifer didn’t notice! That’s pretty impressive for him!) 

Plus, he always makes double so he can eat with you 

Please remember to tell him how good his food is 

It’ll make his heart skip a beat 

He’s not well thought out like Lucifer or comforting like Asmodeus or even as sneaky as Mammon 

But he cares for you just as much as any of his brothers, and he needs to pitch in and get you back to full health 

He’ll even feed you if you’d like 

Rest is important, right? 

So just lay back and let him do all the work 

Don’t worry, he’ll blow on it to make sure it’s not too hot 

And he’s cut it all up to make sure the bites aren’t too big 

He won’t leave until he’s 100% sure that’s your tummy has been adequately filled 

And if you give him permission he’ll gladly take care of your left overs 

Belphegor 

Belphie is the absolute best cuddle buddy on a normal day, but it’s especially great when you’re not feeling well 

Demons can’t catch human sicknesses, which means he can cuddle up on you all he wants! 

And he will 

Every chance he gets 

Lucifer will try to keep him out of your room, but once he sneaks in there’s no getting him out 

All it takes is one minuscule slip up and he’s taken up permanent residency in your bed 

He’s so warm and soft, just what you need when your sickness is making you too uncomfortable to properly rest 

He’ll rub your back and whisper softly to you, telling you stories about the Celestial Realm and the beautiful things he’s seen there 

You’ll have the best naps of your life with Belphie 

Hell, I’d even go so far as to say the naps were so good theyd probably speed up youre recovery process! 

Although, once he’s in the habit of waking up by your side it’ll be hard for him to stop 

You’ll have to humor him for a little longer 

Maybe even forever if he has it his way 

[lakesbian]

this isn't qualifying as fanfiction or even dialogue with a point but i jotted down a random snip from my imaginary better version of the twig chapter where sy negotiates for the lambs to give him helen + pieces of ashton in exchange for a doctor he and jessie kidnapped. because ive been doing this thing lately called just writing whatever the hell appears in my brain for lambwriting practice and so i don't forget scene ideas in actual fics. and im never gonna have a reason to actually incorporate this into anything so ill just post it

“I…can't say I have anything better,” Jessie said. 

Lillian gawped at her. Then she pointed, sounding almost aghast. “I've just realized, you're–you’re in on all of this!”

Jessie took a bite of her danish and chewed for a good ten seconds before responding, which I supposed was a strategy to give Lillian a moment to calm down, and to avoid saying the obvious No shit. 

“It's not ideal,” she said. “But you have to admit, it's not reasonable to ask for Berger without giving something of equal value back. You also have to admit that Berger is an extremely valuable person. Right? Helen makes a fair exchange in terms of commitment. But we can't use her in the same way you can use Berger. Throwing in a piece of Ashton isn't hurting you, and it gives us something slightly more even.”

Lillian scowled. 

“My main complaint is that taking a piece of Ashton bothers you, and it's still not as useful as Berger. So we'd be coming out on the worse end of the deal, and losing some of your good graces in the process.” She gave me an annoyed glare. “But I don't have any better ideas, so that leaves me backing the Sylvester plan.”

“See?” I crowed, spreading my arms in triumph. “Even Jessie likes my idea.”

“Why is that supposed to be convincing?” Duncan asked, sounding offended. “You're–she’s your girlfriend, of course she would agree with you. It doesn't make it any less insane.”

“That sounds sexist, Duncan,” Jessie said, turning her judgment on him. “I'm his girlfriend, so I'm automatically subordinate to whatever he says? Did you not just hear me criticizing it?”

“No! No, I didn't mean it like that, what I mean is–you two are dating, and you're leading this whole project together, so it shouldn't be a point in his favor that you're both on the same page.”

I leaned on the table, getting closer to Duncan. “I can't blame you for not knowing this, Dunc, since you haven't been around Jessie long–”

“Duncan, please,” he interrupted. 

“Big mistake,” Lillian muttered. 

“But the thing is, Dunc,” I carried on, “that Jessie likes to complain about my ideas more than anyone else you could find. In fact, I'll count selling her on this as a greater victory than selling you.” 

“That sounds…completely backwards.” 

“No,” Lillian sighed. “That makes sense. Of course he's not concerned about being able to manipulate us.” 

“I'm noticing I'm starting to hear lots of people at this table agreeing with me!” I said brightly. 

“Two,” Jessie said. “Two people begrudgingly agreeing.”

It was a brilliant dynamic, really. By siding with everyone else in being exasperated with me, she could argue for everything we wanted, and look perfectly unbiased while she did it. 

“Three!” I said. “Three, if we count Helen wanting to come with us, which I absolutely do.” Helen waved cheerfully at the mention of her name, still munching her pastries. “Why, including me, we've almost got a majority.”

“We're not including you,” Jessie said tiredly. “You don't get a vote on your own plan.”

No one spoke up to tell her she didn't get a vote. The verisimilitude and convincing effect of her exasperation, of course, came from how she wasn't even remotely acting. 

“I disagree,” I said. I beamed at her. 

She shoved her glasses up and pinched her nose.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Ace Attorney Ramble

(So, based on my past few submissions & asks, can you tell what my current hyperfixation is??)

So, had this thought, which will not leave me alone now. I think I remember you saying Manfred von Karma being the “gay rights, but only for me” type, and I can definitely see that. But I had the thought (which is now going on repeat in my brain), that von Karma is more of “What is this ‘Gay’ you speak of??”, mixed with “Gay is ABSOLUTELY a choice”. Like, sort of same but opposite of how you write Enji. Manfred is attracted to men, is fully aware he’s attracted to men, and is making the conscious choice to ignore it. As far as he’s aware, EVERYONE is attracted to the same gender as themselves, but we all ignore it, because continuing the species and family lines are more important. Someone would try to make an argument about how it isn’t a choice, just how human beings are built, and von Karma would fire back about how humans have changed faster than evolution, how we have loads of things that are imperfect about the human body that we “fix”, like eyesight, or the appendix.

Like. He would absolutely appear homophobic, would spout a lot of bullshit that sounds the same, but his actual issue isn’t people being ATTRACTED to the same gender. It’s ACKNOWLEDGING it, because as far as von Karma is aware, attraction to the same gender is on the same level as other things he considers “weak” - addiction, illness, compassion, hurt feelings. Everyone has them, but only WEAKLINGS indulge in such things. A von Karma doesn’t INDULGE, they overcome and surmount! They are never ANYTHING less than perfect, and perfect means a spouse that can give you an heir to the family. He probably had a whole portfolio of men Franziska could pick from to marry and have kids with, based on a bunch of bullshit social stuff. She might argue about IVF, and von Karma would be SCANDALIZED she’d suggest such a thing! He would hound, harass, and maybe even blackmail his daughter into getting hitched and having a kid. And once Franziska had the kid, he would cheerfully support her through a divorce. Social standing observed, boxes ticked, business concluded.

Sort of conversely, I think he’d be simultaneously totally cool with trans people, and also very transphobic. Like, if someone he worked with went up to him and said, “Hey, just so you know, I’m actually a man, my name is Victor now,” he’d be all, “Not sure why you think I care, Mr. Tree, I have cases to deal with,” and never misgender the guy. But if he found out Mr. Victor Tree was taking time off to have transitional surgery, he’d be scornful over the guy “taking time off for something as trivial as THAT”, like, putting your mental and physical health? Over your JOB?? He’d start bringing it up all the time, “oh, are you sure you have time to take that case?? What if you need to go to the hospital? Maybe this case should be trusted to someone with a stronger … constitution”. And the whole office thinks it’s cause Victor is trans, but no, it’s cause he willingly and deliberately sought out medical care.

My big takeaway thing is, I read a lot of fics where Miles has hang ups about his sexuality due to being raised by von Karma, and while I don’t disagree with them, I think it’s more likely that Miles had bigger issues acknowledging needing breaks, or medical care. Like, Franziska got shot, had surgery to remove the bullet, and then immediately left the hospital to find a guy and deliver critical evidence to a courtroom. Miles should be the guy who says, “it’s only a flesh wound,”, meanwhile, he’s been stabbed in the gut, and everyone is pleading with him to go to the hospital. He takes A hit to the head, insists he’s fine, and proceeds to solve a murder with a concussion. His pain tolerance is through the roof, and this is a bad thing.

(Thoughts, feedback?)

-

Honestly you’re right I think he’d see attraction of any kind to be ‘weakness’ so clearly whatever mess his marriage was is a very un-attracted one for other purposes like children or something. Having sex with a woman doesn’t count because he’s not giving in to attraction he’s just doing a business transaction.

Then yeah rip Miles and Franziska they’re gonna be like ‘Hm. My bloods on the outside of me. Pretty sure that’s fine.”

[miss-writes-a-lot]

A Wonderous Thing To Behold - Jayvik Family Belated Christmas Fic: Part One

(Okay, so I know it's almost the end of January. This was obviously meant to be posted during the holiday season. And not in two parts. I just had crazy burnout and mental health issues that made it really hard to write anything at all. But I'm back! And I'm trying to keep my promise to post here more often. This fic is getting really long so I'm splitting it into two parts here, then posting it in full on my ao3 - link in my pinned post. Content warnings and such posted below.)

Synopsis: Viola has some weird feelings about Jubilee and the meaning of family during the Jubilee season.

Content Warnings: This work contains depictions of violence, mentions of death, religion, and discussions of religious practices, and anxiety. Further tags to be added as things come up.

Additional Notes: So, I wasn't sure whether or not to insert Christmas as an actual holiday within the Arcane/LoL universe. In the LoL universe, they have a holiday called Jubilee that gives thanks to the sea and its bounty, so I mushed the two holidays together. This isn't to say that other religions and their holidays are invalid or not worth touching upon. This is only because I am currently ignorant to a lot of the practices in other religions and I don't just want to make caricatures of cultures and their practices based on stereotypes and my little knowledge of the topic.

Constructive critique is welcomed, especially in regard to how I deal with the religious portions. If anything is offensive or wrong, please let me know so I can work to remedy it and so I don't carry my mistakes over into other aspects of my work or future works I may post here and on my ao3.

Without further ado, onto the fic!

Jubilee, like many other holidays and festivities, is not a particularly “happy” day for Zaunites. 

For nearly every Topsider in Piltover, it was a bright and festive excuse to buy expensive gifts, put up bright and gaudy decorations all along the front of their houses, and get wasted at big, fancy banquets with greasy, fatty foods and sugary cakes and cookies.

But for born and bred Zaunites, it is yet another cold, somber winter’s night that killed so many on the street from frostbite, the worsening of one of the many illnesses one could get from the Gray, and shady deals gone awry. It was another cruel attempt at showboating and a sick reminder of where the two cities stood in nearly every capacity.

Viola was one of the many children sitting by their barred windows and being taunted by the smells of roasting meats and bubbling brews wafting down from the apartments and shops on the Promenade level and the houses inching closer to Topside. They would be beckoned out of bed by the sounds of mirth and merry-making. Shadows bathed in warm, butter-yellow light shouting and singing and being together with no ounce of obligation or reluctance to do so. Presents from wealthy, ignorant children flowed down the gutters into the sea as thanks for its bounty. The briefest glints of gold and ruby red shone down and reflected off the other windows, and it would stir a mix of envy, anxiety, and –strangely enough – want in their belly.

It was sickening, in a way. The want to be up there with all those who made a sport of how high they could turn their noses up at them and everyone like them. The desire to gorge themself on all of those sugary sweets and fatty meats while others struggled and starved to death in cold alleyways and barren houses. The almost intense need for the warmth, the pretty lights, the presents, and the security of others twisted Viola’s insides and forced them back into their bed as the usual specks of blue and gray flickered past their vision.

Yet here they are, standing in front of a jewelry store window two days short of the holiday with their stomach so tightly wound in knots they could keel over, debating on gifts to give their “work” family.

They’ve only got 30 minutes before they have to be at the lab, and they’ve been staring at the same set of shimmering blue and red gems embedded in gold and silver for much longer. From a quick glance up, they can see the storekeeper and her assistant eyeing Viola suspiciously from the other side, gearing up to run and get the sheriff to report them for loitering.

They step away from the window, nearly falling off the icy curb and knocking into some kids running behind them as they flung snowballs at each other.

Still, after regaining their footing, Viola stares at the row of colorful shops that no doubt have been cleaned of their good gifts and sale prices. Their insides twist at the scent of fresh sweet bread wafting down from the bakery on the opposite end of the street as their mind starts to race at the speed of a steam engine.

Only two days before Jubilee. Two days to find good gifts for a total of six people, maybe even more if the other councilors, their bio family, Caitlyn, Caitlyn’s girlfriend(?), her friends, Viola’s friends, and everyone else who even spares a passing glance at Hextech. 

Would they even want gifts from them? Would their friends and Caitlyn’s girlfriend even accept a gift on Jubilee? Would Naph, Reynard, or even Viktor want a gift for Jubilee? Would they even want to a gift from them of all people, regardless of the day and its context? Since working with Hextech, they did have a bit more money left to splurge on whatever’s left to choose from…

Maybe I shouldn’t, Viola thinks, grabbing a fistful of their coat from their middle, It’s a Piltie holiday. I don’t think they really fuck with Piltie holidays, especially not Vik or Rey.

Viola turns and starts to continue on their trek to the lab. They walk a few steps, about to cross the street when they stop again.

But…maybe they changed their minds and they do want gifts? Would it even be appropriate to get them stuff like that?

Viola cringes at their own stupid question.

The seven of them have since crossed the line of “just coworkers”, or “just part-time employees.”

Because if you are just employees, you don’t casually call each other “sis”, “bro”, or “sib” or “kiddo” or all of the cute little nicknames Viktor mutters under his breath when he thinks you aren’t listening. You don’t share and steal clothes and then argue about it later because you’re “just coworkers”. You don’t run from lower Entresol/upper Sump to Piltover with definitely not cleared drugs to help your dying boss and sick companions without a level of affection that Viola isn’t quite ready to address at the moment.

You don’t spend more time with them up top than you do with your real family without it meaning something more than just business.

And something about that…it’s almost as sick as debating on buying these damned gifts.

“Vivi! Wait up!”

Viola whips around, spotting Reynard and Nell, all bundled up and coming out of one of the bakeries with a big brown bag. They smile, their panic momentarily taking a backseat. 

“Hey,” they say, their newly cultivated softness starting to bleed through.

Reynard comes up to them and throws an arm around their shoulders.

“Guessing you got up late too?” Reynard asks, pulling them in for a close side hug.

“Uh, yeah. I…I did. Weird we didn’t end up running into each other,” they reply, trying not to make it seem obvious that they’ve been up and in Piltover for almost two hours. “What’s that?”

Nell grins, holding up the gold-branded bag. “It’s cake! For everyone at the lab! We just got it on sale. It’s really pretty, V. It’s got these cute lil’ frosted berries and powdered sugar on the top that makes it look like it’s covered in snow!”

“Don’t get too excited. Pretty sure it was on sale because it’s old as shit,” Reynard whispers, a cheeky grin on her face.

Nell lightly smacks Reynard with her free hand—Reynard snickers in response.

“Shut up! It is not!” she says, giggling.

Viola smiles, “It’s cool, Nell. I don’t mind eating old shit. As long as it's good enough.”

“You guuuuys!” Nell win

“I don’t really mind chomping down on a cobweb or two.”

“Yeah and plus, I hear mold’s good for the immune system. Helps build up a tolerance. Does wonders for the skin,” Reynard adds.

“You guys are so mean!”

The trio starts heading towards the lab. Viola spares another glance at the row of shops before Reynard pulls their attention forward to continue poking fun at Nell.

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

They arrive at the lab fifteen minutes late. 

Viktor’s at the chalkboard with Naph watching him while Amaranthine sits at his desk, lazily flipping through a magazine at Jayce’s desk. There seem to be more decorations littering the tables, windowsill, and even the chalkboards – Jayce and his mom really get into decorating during this time of year, though it’s always difficult to tell who exactly is to blame for it this time.

Amaranthine glances up from her magazine and turns back to the boys.

“Hey, they're here,” she says, lackadaisically flipping through the pages. “About time you guys showed up.”

“Sorry, sorry. Our bad,” Reynard says, tossing her coat on their on top of their chair.

“Yes, yes. Our bad, even though I was the one being bullied over my choice of sweets!” Nell says, rather melodramatically.

Amaranthine’s head perks up. “You brought food?”

Nell smirks, waggling her brows. “I did.”

Amaranthine gets up and follows Nell to her workbench.

Viola sheds their winter wear and slowly walks behind Viktor and Naph, who are still entranced by all of the equations and things Viola still can’t really understand. She reaches out a hand and lightly taps both of their shoulders.

Viktor is the first to whip his head around. “Oh, myška! You’re here.”

“Sorry, we’re late. Lost track of time. Nell brought some cake and I think those chocolate shortbread cookies you and Sky like if you want something to snack on…”

“I will in a second,” he says, turning his attention back to the chalkboard. “Here, come look at this.”

“Uh, okay.”

Viola fills the space between the two and looks around the board. She recognizes some of the diagrams and phrases, including an image of their old dampener with its contents sketched out in extensive detail.

“What’s all this for?” they ask.

“Well, Naph and I are working on a little project together,” Viktor explains, gesturing to Naph. “He came to Sky and me last night with the idea that he wants to tell you about.”

Naph burns tomato red and he turns his head away. 

“Ass,” he mutters, covering his face with his hands.

“What is it?” Viola asks, trying to keep themselves from giggling.

Naph hesitates, biting down on his lip and awkwardly curling away as Viktor leans closer with a shit-eating smirk.

“We’re…We’re making you a new magic dampener,” Naph finally says through gritted teeth. “We think…We think we can play with the inversions enough to stabilize certain aspects of the Hex gems – well, one of ‘em, at least – we can make you something that actually helps you ‘control’ your magic. Like it’s supposed to.”

Viola’s chest grows warm and she smiles. Naph must notice something else about their face because he frowns and turns away again, somehow burning even brighter.

“Alright, alright. You can stop looking at me like that! Just – consider it your present for Jubilee or something.”

Viola chuckles, enveloping him in the tightest hug they can manage, smushing their cheeks together.

“Thanks Naph!”

“Ugh! Get off me! You’re makin’ a bigger deal out of this than it is!”

Viktor laughs, patting Naph on the back. “Come on. Why don’t we take a break and have some cake?”

Reynard scoffs. “You? A break? You feeling okay there, Vik? Not running a fever or anything?”

“No, nothing like that. I just don’t want Sky or Jayce jumping down my throat for only supplementing my appetite with –”

“Warmed up sweet milk and hot cocoa?” Nell finishes for him. “And you think sugary cake and cookies will convince them you’re taking care of yourself?”

“It will convince them that I’m eating at the very least, which is good enough,” he replies, grabbing a spoon and swiping a chunk of chocolate cake before Nell can cut him a slice.

“Rude!”  Nell exclaims.

Viola giggles as they watch. 

It’s always odd to them how people can spend so much time together in the same place and not get sick of each other. Even when they fought over things – big and small – even when they were annoying or petty with each other, there was never any hate or malice behind any of it. They never found themself leaving this – all the dumb fights and sleepless nights in the lab together, using their coats as blankets and each other’s shoulders as pillows. Stealing snacks from the lounge and the academy cafeteria. 

She doesn’t know how to walk away from this, and frankly, she doesn’t want to.

But it also brings them great guilt to keep staying in the first place.

The lab doors fling open and Jayce hurriedly comes in with his nose ruddy and snow on his shoulders. Sky jogs in after him with an armful of files that are mostly likely from the season’s big important council meeting.

“Sorry we’re late!” she says, shedding her coat on the back of her chair while gently laying down all the documents on her workspace. “It ran a lot longer than we thought it would.”

“Oh, don’t worry about them Sky,” Jayce says, dusting the snow off of his shoulders. “They seemed to have kept themselves busy enough while we were gone.”

“Can’t talk. Eating,” Amaranthine says through a mouthful of cake.

“Don’t let me stop you–”

“We’re not,” Reynard replies.

Jayce rolls his eyes, pecking a kiss on Viktor’s hair. “Sorry for the wait there.”

“Don’t worry about it. The girls just got here a few minutes ago, so you didn’t mess much. If anything, really.”

“Board’s full, so something happened.”

“That’s for Naph’s project.”

“Really?” He whips around to look at Naph. Naph shrinks in his seat.

“Can’t hear you. Eating!” he says back.

“I’ll tell you about it later tonight,” Viktor replies, and that gets everyone’s ears to perk up.

“Tonight? What’s tonight?” Amaranthine asks, “Actually, if it’s gross; don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know.”

“Relax. It’s nothing like that. Vik, Nell, and I are just going to do our own little Jubilee thing tonight before I head off to Mel’s holiday party. She throws one every year with all the clans. You know – fancy people crap.”

“You’re all going?” Viola asks. “Is this like, a whole Hextech team thing?”

“Oh please don’t tell me it’s a whole Hextech team thing,” Amaranthine begs.

“No, no. You all are spared. I’ll do my duty and take the blow for all of us by spending a couple of hours with annoying old rich folks so they can keep giving us money.”

“I told you that I’m fine with going,” Viktor says, “Nell and I can come with you. Make it easier for you.”

“You hate talking to those people, though. And I don't want you and Nell to feel bored, you know? And Nell doesn't really have anyone here age around –”

“Then I'll come,” Reynard says plainly. “If it’ll keep Nell company, I don’t mind.”

“Really, Rey. You don’t have to. You hate these events just as much as Vik and I do.”

“Yeah, I do,” Rey shrugs. “But, if I can make it better by being there, I’ll grin ‘nd bear it just fine. Plus, if it’s at Mel’s place, you know it’s gonna have some good ass snacks.” 

Amaranthine chuckles at that.

“So, when are we going?”

“Around 7 maybe? We’ll be getting ready at my mom’s place.”

“I’ll see you at 6 then,” Reynard says with a sure nod.

“O…kay then. Anybody else want to join?”

“...What are you guys doing before then?” Naph asks hesitantly.

“Hm?”

“You said you, Nell, and Vik were gonna do something before the party. What is it?”

The trio exchange looks. Jayce and Nell are a bit nervous but Viktor nonchalantly shrugs, unphased by the inquiry.

“We’re just praying,” he says. “You know, typical Jubilee affair. Shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

“Oh. Okay…”

“You’re welcome to join us, if you’d like. No pressure to do anything you don’t want to, or don’t practice that is,” Jayce adds.

Naph contemplates the offer, staring down at his hands and picking out old dirt underneath his chewed-up fingernails.

“...I might,” he finally says after a long pause.

Amaranthine sighs dramatically. “Fine. I guess I can come too. Since apparently, you all are in the business of leaving me out of plans now.”

“Not at all, Amara. The more, the merrier,” Viktor says.

They all turn to Viola. 

Her smile shakes awkwardly from all the eyes on her.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Do you wanna come, Vivi?” Jayce asks. “Again, you don’t have to, but since it’s turning out to be a whole Hextech Team thing now, I figured I would ask.”

“Um, I mean – I don’t think I’m doing anything tonight…?”

“You really don’t have to go this time, myška. You’ve been to enough of these already and we wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable…”

It’s true. 

Since starting to work with Jayce, Viktor, and Sky, Viola has been going to every event under the sun. Pilties have some weird addiction to having parties and grand events for no discernable reason other than to flaunt their wealth and get some things made by poor, unsuspecting apprentices looking to get their talent and work noticed.

They haven’t made any great impressions on any of the Topsiders there – though, impressions don’t really matter once people realize where you’re from.

The idea of spending an extra night of the year in the unwelcoming presence of the rich and the council is not exactly appealing to her, especially now with the added pressure and weirdness around Jubilee and gift giving and all the parties –

“Vi–?”

“I can make it.”

Viktor’s brows raise in surprise. “Are you sure?”

Viola pauses, gnawing the inside of their cheek and being the least convincing person in the room.

“Y-yeah. It’ll be fine. I mean, I’ll have you guys there with me, right?”

Jayce’s expression softens into a smile. “Of course, Lola. Always.”

That warm, fuzzy feeling bubbles in their chest as their cheeks burn red.

“Then it’s settled. I’m coming too. B-But, I’ve got something to do first, so I might just meet you guys there. I-I won’t be too long!”

“It’s fine, Lola. We’ll make sure Mel knows,” Jayce says. “Just don’t feel like you have to.”

“I don’t. I promise.”

She catches Reynard’s narrowed eyes. Viola’s eyes dart away and they start rocking back and forth on their heels.

“So – do you guys need me for anything today?”

“A couple of things. Nothing that requires you to use much of your magic.”

“Fine by me. We starting from yesterday?”

Reynard’s eyes are still on them, trying to penetrate their skull and worm into their brain to get the truth.

She’d figure it out soon enough. Reynard always does, and even if she didn’t well – Viola’s never been the type to be very discreet about anything.

Tonight will be no different.

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

Viktor was not the most religious person growing up.

Many people in his small Sump-level neighborhood – his parents included – were, and he often found himself accompanying them in prayers to the infamous wind goddess whom many in Zaun pay tribute to for keeping them alive and granting them fresh, breathable air every once in a while.

He was not a cynic or lacked the whimsy and faith to direct towards a goddess. He simply didn’t have the capacity at the time to really care or put effort into worship; not when his prospects were starting to deplete with each passing day and his body started to erode faster than his prayers were being answered.

Too much to be done, too little time to do it all, and too little space in his head to keep track of it all.

He can’t exactly recall when he began to pray and honor Janna on his own time. Perhaps it was around the time his parents passed, or when he became Heimmerdinger’s assistant, but at some point when he started going on his walks, he occasionally found himself paying respects to the small statues of Janna embedded at the bottom of Zaun’s side of the bridge. He’d whisper prayers to himself, or keep them in his head during particularly stressful times that weighed heavy on his chest just like the Gray.

Jayce figured it out later in their partnership, but they didn’t start doing this together until Nell and the others came along.

Nell had caught him while he was on one of his walks – she wanted to make sure he was okay – and wanted to join him to reconnect with her Undercity roots that had been wilting each passing day in Piltover. Jayce later joined, both to continue learning how to speak the base Zaunite dialect more and because he simply wanted to know more about the parts that Viktor doesn’t often disclose.

So, every so often—mostly on certain holidays such as this one—they offer quick prayers to Janna together. Through clunky and mispronounced words and weird stares from passing topsiders who don’t hold Janna in as high of a regard as those below them, they offer and ask Janna for peace and any small material or emotional help they need. 

It never really mattered whether She answered or not. Because as of now, Viktor has everything he wants.

Sure, he may still be hurting. He may still be sick and looked down upon by many of whom are meant to be his peers, but he still has his mind. His intellect. He gets up in the morning and can breathe – maybe not as great as everyone else, but he can. He has tools at his disposal to create an easier and better world for the Undercity and its people. He’s still alive and most importantly – he’s alive with them.

He lives in the same universe and shares a bed with a man with love, understanding, and empathy for people as big as the Hexgates. He exists and works in the same lab as his dearest childhood friend who has chosen to put up with him for so long. He talks with and shares an almost home with 5 extraordinary kids, who have cultivated a new kind of affection within his heart that he has never experienced before. Not until now.

Now, while they’re all bundled up in their coats and scarves and hats to keep from getting frostbite while under the bridge, huddled around the little shrine to Janna that often gets taken down by enforcers under the guise of vandalism. 

Amaranthine and Naph curl against either side of Jayce, still shivering despite their many thick layers. Their little boats are cupped in their mitted hands. Nell and Reynard are crouched beside Viktor with their little offerings as well.

Viktor glances at the younger ones and spares them a soft smile.

“This won’t take long. I promise,” he says. “And don’t be too discouraged if you don’t know the words to this; it’s a bit of an old Shuriman dialect… I just appreciate you all being with us tonight.”

“N-N-No problem, Vik,” Amaranthine says through chattering teeth.

“Ki-Kinda sucks Sky and Viola couldn’t be here though. Ma-ma-make it a whole “family” affair, you know?”

“Lola will join us later,” Jayce says. “And Sky sends her regards. And, I dunno, maybe some special little gifts for you guys to enjoy later?”

Amaranthine grins.

Jayce turns his head to Viktor, cheeks ruddy but his smile as warm as the fires in the forge.

“Whenever you’re ready, Vik.”

“You make it sound like I’m some sort of expert with this,” Viktor says with an amused smile.

“Ca-Can we hurry this up?” Naph asks, shivering. “I’m starting to lose feeling in my fingers.”

“Right. Of course.”

Viktor kneels down in front of the small statue of the windswept goddess, hands clasping together as if he were 5 years old again and his mother was guiding his hands to the right position.

‘Just like this, Vitya. Yes. That’s it.’

“Beyond these walls, the storm's fury grows,” He starts. Reynard, Jayce, and Nell repeat to varying levels of success. Viktor swears that he can hear Naph muttering it to himself and trying to explain the words to Amaranthine.

“Over land and sea, the storm's fury grows. But I have nothing to fear… For the bluebird is with me,” he raises his head to the statue. “Goddess, we offer you these gifts as thanks for your blessings and ask for your continued mercy towards us, and all these things that we continue to ask from you all of these things –”

He reaches for his cane and his little boat. Jayce helps him to his feet. He turns to the waterfront, carefully crouches down, and releases the boat. 

“For the prosperity of Hextech and my family,” he says softly.

Jayce stands, walks to him, crouches right next to Viktor, and gently releases his boat into the water, wincing as an icy chill hits them both.

“For the good health and protection of the ones I love,”  he says, kissing Viktor’s temple.

Reynard joins them with Nell in tow, sending off her little paper boat. “For the future prosperity of the Undercity.”

Nell follows suit, “For an easy rest for the souls gone from this plain.”

Viktor glances back. Naph and Amaranthine stand side by side, hands tightly threaded together.

Naph lets go of a shaky breath that billows out as cold air. The two amble over, synchronously kneel, and release their boats into the water.

“For my family,” Naph says as his boat leaves his fingertips.

“F-For them,” Amaranthine stammers, her face burning a deep shade of scarlet as she quickly glances at the rest of them.

Viktor smiles, biting back the tears starting to well up in his eyes. “Thank you. All of you. I…I appreciate this. Truly.”

Reynard puts a hand on his shoulder, “No problem, Vik. It was…nice.”

Viktor pats her on the hand, sighing. “Okay. Let’s start heading off to Councillor Medarda’s before one of us loses a toe to this cold.”

“That – can that really happen?” Amaranthine asks, a bit panicked. 

Jayce shakes his head, sighing as he helps Viktor to his feet. “You’ll be fine, Amara. Vik was just kidding.”

“Mostly,” Naph mutters. It leaves Amaranthine more anxious than she was.

Everyone rises to their feet and wraps their clothes tightly around them to brace for the winter’s icy breath on the journey ahead.

Everyone except their eldest.

Reynard stays crouched by the water, staring curiously at her rippling reflection.

“Everything okay, Rey?” Jayce asks.

“Yeah, yeah…Hey. You guys can go ahead without me. I’ll meet up with Vivi down in Zaun and see you guys at Mel’s place.”

“Are you sure?” Viktor asks, his hand tightening around the handle of his cane. “Viola did say she was going to be late. And I can’t imagine an easy journey down given all the ice.”

Reynard waves off his concern, smirking. “Don’t worry about it. I got up here just fine this mornin’, didn’t I?”

Viktor’s brows thread tightly together.

Reynard’s expression softens. “I promise I’ll be okay. The second I find a phone or a messenger walking about, I’ll let you know how Vivi and I are doing. Sound good?”

Viktor and Jayce exchange hesitant looks with one another. Viktor gnaws at the inside of his bottom lip.

‘She’s from Zaun. She’s seen it all and fought through it. She can handle herself just fine.’

“There’s no need for that. Just…be careful. Watch where you’re going and keep warm. The both of you.”

Reynard nods. “Promise. And I promise we’ll both make it back alive. That’s the Rossi Guarantee!”

Viktor smiles wryly.  “We’ll be waiting then.”

“Ooh! And save me some of those shrimp toast things. Those things are sick!”

Jayce chuckles. “Will do, Rey. Be safe.”

Nell lunges at Reynard and envelopes her in a tight hug. “Be careful, yeah?”

“ ‘Course, Nell,” Reynard says, patting Nell’s back.

“Later Rey!”

The others begin their trek up the path to the main road.

Viktor lets the others walk ahead of him. 

He stops, turns back to get one last look at her –

And she’s already disappeared.

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (1-3)

parts 1, 2, & 3 of ?? | 888 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

Wayne is sick and they don't have the money for the treatment he needs. Eddie, desperate and spread thin between school, a part time job, and dealing, spots Steve outside of a gay club and opts for blackmail. Steve, who has heard about Wayne through Dustin... just sort of lets him.

I started writing this while Ao3 is down. Haven't quite finished it yet, but I've got 6.7k written so far, so I should be able to do daily posts for at least a while!

Now also posted on Ao3.

Quick note, if it helps anyone who might be hit too close to home by Wayne's serious but relatively brief health scare. First, he's going to be fine. I love Wayne, I wouldn't do that to him. Second, Dustin's mind goes straight to cancer when he hears that it's serious serious, but Wayne's illness is never specified. The only symptoms described are basically a cough and general weakness/fatigue.

1.

Dustin is really upset one day after school, the day he tells Steve about his dad. 

Steve had never asked, alright? It was family shit, and that kind of thing was. . . . Well, not sacred, he can’t even think that and keep a straight face, but definitely private. There could’ve been any number of reasons why Mr. Henderson wasn’t around. 

Turns out it was cancer.

And . . . it’s not insensitive to wonder, right? Steve doesn't know if it’s an anniversary or if someone’s been giving him shit at school about not having a dad or something. So, after a few bumbling questions about why this is upsetting him now, an explanation comes tumbling out.

The leader or president or whatever of the nerd club Dustin joined at the start of the year had to cancel their game this week. “Eddie never cancels, Steve,” Dustin insists, eyes red from crying and voice gone all squeaky. “And we were giving him shit about it, we all were, even the upperclassmen guys, and he. . . he j-just broke, Steve. Said his uncle is r-really sick, bad sick, and I know what that means. They don’t have the money for treatment. He’s Eddie’s only family, and he’s probably going t-to. . . .”

Steve regrets dropping Robin off at her house first today. She might not know what to say either, but at least they’d be in this together. “Dust, that’s. . . . That’s awful.”

Turns out he doesn’t have to say anything else, because Dustin thumps against him and bawls his eyes out. 

2.

“It was awful, Robs,” Steve says, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he talks into the phone. “I haven’t seen him like that since after Starcourt, when we had to tell him about Hop.”

Robin’s wince is audible in her reply. “Yeah, that's. . . . That’s pretty bad.”

“Yeah.” He heaves a sigh, hoping it’ll get some of the constricted feeling out of his chest. It doesn’t.

“Steve? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” It’s just, he hates it. Hated it then and hates it now, because both times there’s no way for him to jump between Dustin and this thing. “Everything was starting to sort of feel okay again, and then suddenly there's Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson and his uncle, who I’ve never even seen in my life—”

“It’s not about the Munsons, Steve,” Robin says gently. “You and Dustin have that ‘you die I die’ thing. He’s like your kid brother who annoys the shit out of you, but you love him to death anyway. And right now he’s sad but you can’t do anything to help.”

Lifting his face from his hand, Steve looks around the room. He’s on the big comfortable couch in his big fucking house with too many rooms, all empty except for this one. His parents are never home, always away on business trips that got way more frequent after Barbara Holland disappeared from a party he’d hosted. They send money—not an allowance, not since he didn’t get into any of the colleges he’d applied to. But the utility bills are always paid up, and a gardener still comes around to do lawn maintenance every other week.

He wonders how the cost of maintaining a house they don’t live in compares to the cost of whatever kind of treatment Munson’s uncle needs.

Doesn’t let himself wonder if it would make a difference, but he knows that treatments don’t always work. It hadn’t, apparently, for Dustin’s dad.

“Yeah,” Steve agrees heavily. “I know.”

3.

The nice thing about being done with high school and working weekends at a shitty retail job is, Steve can do whatever he wants on some weekdays. As long as he doesn’t have a shift that starts before noon the next day, anyway. Which he doesn’t.

So, a few days after Dustin’s revelations, Steve drives up to the nearest outskirts of Indy. Eventually he ends up in one of those clubs that he and Robin have been researching how to find.

He tells himself that he’s scoping it out before he brings her, but he wants to get lost for a while. Empty his head out of things he can’t do a damn thing about—the Upside Down, the monsters, the Russians, the Munsons, the memories of Dustin crying and, just for funsies, of Nancy calling him bullshit. Because that’s always somewhere in the mix, these days.

Fill it back up with music and movement. Not with drinks, because he still has to get himself back to Hawkins in one piece.

He goes and he dances and he sweats. Sometimes guys dance with him, and Steve goes with it. Who cares? No one knows him here, it doesn’t mean anything.

Turns out, it does mean something after all. 

When Steve finally stumbles his way out of the club, he finds none other than Eddie Munson sitting on the hood of the Beemer he’s been buying off of his parents in installments. (Their idea. It’s a ‘pay for it or lose it’ kind of deal.) 

The buzzing under his sweat-tacky skin—satisfaction at successfully getting out of his head—fizzles out. He keeps walking and stops when he draws even with the car. 

Eddie Munson, looking tired and prickling with restless energy, and exhales a cloud of smoke and vapor into the chilly air. “Hey, man. What’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?”

[tansyuduri]

Merlin Loregasm Rewatch S1E2

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my rewatch of Merlin focusing on the lore. I am a giant nerd so pretty excited about this. Time for VALIANT!

So this brings up heraldry in the series. We see Arthur using Camelot heradlry, and other knights doing the same but during tourneys, we see Lots of different other patterned shields. So either people usually use the shield of their overlord in battle but their own in tourneys Or no knights of Camelot besides Arthur appear in tourneys. (I think Lancelot will make this a bit clearer when we get to it.) Either way either this is Valient's family crest, or he serves someone with a family crest. Either way it makes sense for why he murders this dude. As the shield is KINDA a dead giveaway to his identity. (And we know he is a knight or at least is acting as one and pulls it off better then Merlin's later first attempt at identity theft.) They obviously do not require patents of nobility at tourneys because Gwen, Arthur and Merlin pull off a fictional Knight later just fine.

I think he is likely a knight because ARMOR IS EXPENSIVE Y'ALL.

He also says he is from the Western Illes. Because the island of Mora And Ealdor this is the first place we hear about besides Camalot. Does he mean Ireland? I think he means Ireland? ALSO! are you used to my messed up grammar and punctuation yet? I have an LD in both. This is why I always need Betas for my fics despite creative writing being my thing. (I mean besides just wanting them to be better.) (This is an example of autistic oversharing. You are welcome! BACK TO MERLIN!)

So we only see this kinda sparing with Merlin in armor and holding a sword and shield once. (Usually he just holds a target for arthur) However, Merlin does get better with a sword somewhat as the series progresses so I think it likly continues. (Though perhaps a bit more nicely) It's interesting because Arthur has his pick of people to spar with, we see that later. Yet he says "Most Servants collapse after the first blow" So who is he sparing with? Has he been given manservants he didn't like before and just used this to make them quit? ANYHOO this was not as much lore so will not often comment on character dynamics but yesh.

Okay so I will spare you the talk of different armor parts. BUT this is really interesting compared to mentions of "Camalot forged steel"

See many Castles would have their own blacksmith and the one in the villager would be more for horseshoes, nails, and the like. Because armor and weapon making was A BIG DEAL

This implies Gwen's father was a HIGHLY SKILLED blacksmith who likely served the knights of Camalot. (He can't have been the only one because when he dies there is a period of time before Elyan comes and in Gwen's words Gets the forge running again.) But for a regular blacksmith to serve as an armor and weapon maker is a BIG DEAL that kinda knowledge was highly specialized! And yet Uther killed him easily.

OKAY time to nerd out a bit! This is quartering, an advanced heraldic tradition in which an individual for some reason or another wanted to show MORE than one coat of arms they were entitled to. You guys should look all this up, its fascinating! But onward!

Okay yeah remember what I said about Gwens family likely descending back to the Roman times? It's still possible but if Arab knight equivalents can get to Camelot then her family could totally have come from northern Africa for other reasons. Also I like the dude in Mauve having an Anglo-Saxon Helm and the due behind him having one from the 1100s I love Merlin's stew of things from all over history.

Okay this is perhaps just Uther being an ass. Because I'm sorry if you are not the king of Mercia I refuse to belive you are the king of Ireland. (Albion is not united yet.)

Perhaps its mostly knights of Camalot here with some exeptions? I mean if we are creative with the dude CLEARLY of the middle east we can say somehow became a noble of camalot. It would explain a few things. Did Valiant come from Ireland (Sorry I mean The Western Illes) originally then somehow for reasons we will not question also moved to Camalot? (Unlikely as Uther asks him to stay later.) There are also very few people here so likley perliminary tournaments were held? I mean we do see in Lancelot people come from all over to try to be knights of Camalot. so THEORETICLY Uther might be being honest here?

Okay this guys helm is the same as the Arab dude we saw before I think he just took his outher coat off. BUT And some of this gear is very European. So Camalot somehow has an Arab noble family that fights in ancestral gear when they can OR he got repairs along the long journey to Camalot in local styles. Take your pick!)

(You know because I can't be normal and just say they throw this in for visual appeal.)

Something to note! This would normally be the job for a Squire. A Squire was also usually the step before knighthood but in the Merlin world they do not seem to exist!

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

WIP Weekend

Weekly WIP update:

Got a bit side-tracked this week with a tiny extra project that I'll be posting on Sunday, so I haven't actually made significant progress on anything else, whoops! 😅

Chapter 3 of the King's Gift should be finished some time soon.

Chapter 3 of by Big Bang fic is about one third to half done, but I might have to alter the outline a bit because I'm not quite happy with how it flows. That might mean having to add another chapter, but I'll worry about that some time next week. Also, oh God, how are claims next weekend??? I'm freaking out!

14 out of 29 ficlet requests are filled, and I'll start working on the next this weekend.

Send me an emoji, and I'll write and share three sentences from that project (sentences from the Big Bang fic will be blurred, as I'm not allowed to talk about them yet).

🏰The King's Gift

❓Steddie Big Bang Fic 2024

🥳 1k follower celebration ficlets

Nothing new to share from anything else, so here's more King's Gift for the snippet:

“What the hell is going on here?” 

Steve’s stomach plummets to somewhere near his knees. When he whips his head up, it is to see Eddie storming out of the castle, Wayne and Chrissy hot on his heels. From somewhere to the side, Robin is hurrying towards them, nearly tripping over her billowy robes in her haste. But that's not what makes Steve groan in annoyance. 

Because none of them just spoke. That was Gareth, who is already halfway across the yard, flanked by his two ill-tempered friends. 

“You again,” he says when he reaches their little crowd and spots Mike and Erica. “We've been over this, what part of no more fighting didn't you get? We have a million bigger problems to worry about, I don't have time to deal with your- … Oh, look at that. If it isn't our magnificent champion, right in the middle of the fray. You're supposed to get us out of trouble, y’know, not stir more of it.”

Steve feels his temper flare and his jaw clench, but before he can spit out a reply, Max has shouldered past him, orange braids whipping with the movement. 

“What's your problem, you dickwad? He doesn’t have anything to do with this.” 

“Steve was just showing us how the camera works,” Will agrees, voice quieter, but firm. His eyes are trained on Robin, who is just stumbling to a halt in front of them. “He really didn't do anything.” 

“Yeah,” Gareth drawls, and trades meaningful glances with his two friends. “Why doesn't that surprise me? Not doing anything seems to be what he does best.”

[differenteagletragedy]

if requests are still open, i hope you don't mind writing some comfort headcanons for mc who's ill with olba boys (i'm down with covid again,, its making me kinda sad because its near the holidays). if you're not comfortable write these, its fine!! thank you for writing olba fics and works - they're like a source of comfort to read esp since the game is officially finished 🫶

I hope you feel better, friend!!!

-- Cove is doing the thing where he's freaking out but he's trying not to make this about him, but like he's REALLY freaking out. Especially if it's covid (I know covid isn't a thing in Our Life Land, but he would NOT be well in 2020, or for a while after).

-- He's not concerned in the least that he'll catch it. He'll wear a mask if you ask, but he's more concerned about taking care of you. Literally tell him anything you need and he'll get it/do it. If you feel up to it, you can get some good laughs this way.

-- Gets one of those thermometers that you can just hover over a forehead to check someone's temperature, checks yours constantly, even (especially) while you're sleeping.

-- If you still live at home or nearby, he's having your moms and/or Cliff cook for you. He can heat up some soup, but he's going to be asking for the good stuff for you. If you don't live nearby, he's going to have to get something delivered.

Cove: *barely paying attention to his phone while checking your temperature for the umpteenth time that day* Hey Siri, DoorDash soup.

Siri: I'm sorry, I --

Cove *throws phone out the window*

-- Cove will take care of you diligently with sort of a panicked undertone. Derek will be just as diligent, but as a certified third parent to two baby brothers, this isn't his first rodeo.

-- Guy actually has a notepad on the counter that he's using to monitor your symptoms.

-- He picked up one of those little oxygen sensors too, you know what I mean? Like the little things they put on your finger at the doctor to check your oxygen levels (science). You can get them for your own person use too, and he grabbed one at the pharmacy when he was picking up supplies.

-- If he has to take you to get medical care, he is going to present as calm and collected because he knows that acting like the scared little lovesick boy he is on the inside isn't going to help anything, and he's an expert about pushing his feelings down anyway, so he's had practice!

Nurse: *after listening to Derek give a summary of your symptoms* Wow, you really know your stuff! Are you in healthcare?

Derek: No, this is just who I am as a person.

-- Baxter is a little bit of a mix between the two! He'll pretend to be calm, it's no big deal, you're just sick, you'll be fine. But on the inside, he's giving Clingy Cove a run for his money.

-- Do you guys have those nurse lines where you can call and talk to a nurse and they'll tell you what they advise you to do? Yeah, they get on a first name basis with Baxter during this.

-- He's not sleeping until he's certain you're going to be ok. If you're good and sick for a few days, you are going to have an absolutely unhinged nursemaid looking after you.

You: Baxter, you can go to bed, seriously, it's fine.

Baxter: *dark circles under his eyes, hair a mess, he threw on one of your t-shirts because he stopped being able to work buttons after being awake for so long, he looks absolutely feral and not even remotely in a hot way* I'm all right, darling! Don't worry about me!

-- Will cook for you, is cleaning up everything while you sleep, work can wait. This boy is ANXIOUS, again, especially if its covid. Maybe you might have to have a talk about it when you get to feeling better!

[calmlypanicking]

i love your writing !! can you please do a fix where the reader had a bad day and is overthinking decorating a pumpkin and loki tickles bcuz they won't start it

Omg ty so much for the ask! Sorry if I'm a little rusty, I haven't written a fic in a while, but I honestly loved writing this!

Since its about carving pumpkins ill add this: TW: knives

1718 words below the cut

“Love, what are you doing?”

These words broke you out of your trance, and you realized your position. One hand holding the knife above the pumpkin, the other on the pumpkin itself, and your face? Well, there wasn't a word you could think of to explain the face you were holding.

After a moment, Loki continued, “Dearest, you look as if the pumpkin is carving you.”

With a small laugh, your shoulders relaxed slightly. “I don't know, I just feel like I’ll mess it up,” you began, using a marker to meticulously fix your sketch.

Loki sat beside you on the floor, careful to avoid the pumpkin seeds you had already gotten out of the pumpkin. “It can’t be that big of a deal, I mean, look at Peter’s,” he said, gesturing to the other pumpkins that were already finished. You giggled even before you looked at it. You never had seen such an ugly jack-o-lantern. However, he had finished it proudly, and set it up right next to Tony’s, which had been carved using a machine and was a ridiculously good iron man carving. As if sensing your eyes wandering, he continued, “pay no attention to Starks. He cheated and you know it.”

With a sigh, you set down the knife and leaned toward Loki, pressing your side into his chest. “But I’m the artist, mine is supposed to turn out good. Everyone even said that they are excited to see how it turns out.”

“An artist, yes, and I'm sure that will elevate your pumpkin, but you never claimed to be a professional pumpkin carver,” he said, wrapping his arm around you.

“I guess…” you muttered, making no move to carve the pumpkin.

You felt Loki shift ever so slightly, as if he had thought of something, then he held his arm around you just a bit tighter as he spoke. “Maybe you just need some inspiration, Love. Something to help you get started?”

“Loki, I already got inspiration. I already drew it on the pumpkin, I just don't want to mess it u-” your sentence ended as you abruptly shut your mouth to stop from reacting to Loki’s touch. Without you noticing, he had moved his hand down to your side, and as you were finishing your sentence, he had scribbled his fingers on your side. “Loki..” you began warningly, although he didn't miss the amusement in your voice. “What are you, Lo-!” You squealed as he began tickling your side in earnest.

“I’m helping, dearest,” He said, and while his tone was nothing but sincere, the playfulness in his eyes was undeniable. “Like I said, you need some inspiration to help you get started, and I think it’s working already! See? You're already so energized,” he teased, poking fun at the way you were shaking and squirming in his arms. “Don’t you feel like you could just carve a thousand pumpkins with all this energy?” he asked, moving his hand to your ribs and laughing to himself at the sound that produced.

Giggling madly, you tried grabbing for his hands. “Lo-Lohoki! This is soho mEan!” You laughed, squeaking when his hand ventured towards armpits. “Nohoho! Lokiiii,” you whined, though it was quickly swallowed by your loud cackles as he tickled your armpits.

“No? No what, sweetness? Because I’m sure you're not protesting to being tickled, are you?” He asked, slowing his tickles slightly as he teasingly tried to align your faces so he could look you in the eye. “ I just knoooow that's not what you're saying, right? Cause if you want me to stop, Ill stop,” He said, loosening his grip.

“No!” you said, far too quickly for your liking. “I mean, no, or like, not no? I mean, you don't like, have to stop. If you don't want to. I guess..” you said, each word quieter than the last, but it was all Loki needed.

“Perfect, then you won't mind if I do this?” He replied, quickly laying you on your back, careful to avoid the pumpkin and tools. Before you could even think to respond to that, he had straddled your waist. He took your nervous giggles as his cue to continue. “You see, I think I have the perfect way to help you with your pumpkin, I'll show you how to draw a jack-o-lantern face. Just in case you don't know how they look.” He said.

“Loki, I know what a jack o 'lantern face looks like. You already saw me draw one on my pumpkI-”

“Shush, I didn't ask for input, thank you.” He said, squeezing your sides as a warning. You giggled at the feeling, and tried to push his hands away with your own. “No, no, that won’t do,” He said, immediately catching your hands and pinning them under his knees. This alone was enough to make you giggle nervously, realizing just how trapped you were.

Now, I need something to draw on, you don’t mind, do you?” He asked, keeping playful eye contact as he slowly lifted your loose shirt up to your ribs. The cool air on your stomach had your nerves on end, and when he grazed his hands down your sides you couldn’t help the giggly whine you let out.

“Oh, I want to hear that again,” he teased, repeating the action to attain his goal. Each time he did, it tickled worse, and by the fifth time you were squirming so hard you had almost freed your arms, but before you could he stopped, placing them back securely under his knees as you giggled and caught your breath.

You closed your eyes a moment as you breathed, but quickly opened them when you felt something moving along your stomach. Suppressing a whine, you glanced down at where Loki was hard at work drawing a jack o lantern with your discarded marker. On your stomach. He began with the pumpkin outline, the curving sides making you giggle, and the stem making you suck in your stomach at the tickly sensation.

“Perfect, a pumpkin to draw on. Now I can properly inspire you,” Loki said, a smirk evident in his voice.

Then he began drawing the triangle eyes. They were on your upper stomach, near your ribs, and you couldn't help the sounds that you were making. Each line he made on your skin made you laugh harder, and by the end of it you were laughing so hard you were worried another member of the team would try to come to your rescue.

Loki gazed down at you, and your face heated even more at the attention. “I’m almost done, dear. Then you'll be ready to make your pumpkin,” He said, gentler now. But when you had caught your  breath, his expression morphed back into the one from before, and you couldn't help but giggle just from the look he was giving you. “Now, this is the hardest part of the jack o lantern, the mouth. I will start with a guideline,” he began, curving a line across your stomach. However, when the marker dipped into your navel, you had cackled so hard his line had gone askew. “Hey, pumpkins aren't supposed to move, silly,” He said, going back to fix the line.

As he continued fixing the line, then outlining the mouth and teeth around it, you couldn’t help your giggly exclamations of “LOKI!” and “pleahehease,” but they went ignored other than his amused expression.

Loki began coloring in the jack o lanterns mouth, and it tickled quite badly, but you hadn’t even prepared for the worst part. “All that's left is the center of the mouth, sweetheart,” he said, and then it began. The marker went back and forth over your navel, too fast to count, and you almost screamed at the sensation. It tickled so bad you couldn't even fight anymore. He continued a moment more as you lay there laughing hysterically, feet kicking out behind him.

“Okay, okay, I’m done,” he said, closing the marker and releasing your hands. You wrapped your arms around yourself, giggling at the phantom tickles that remained. After a moment, you glanced up at him, and fell back into giggles at the look he was giving you.

Moving to let you up, he guided you back to a sitting position, adjusting your shirt and kissing your forehead. “So, are you inspired yet?” He asked, saying it into your ear so it would tickle.

Scrunching your head away from him, you shook your head.

“You're not?” He exclaimed, “well then I need to keep trying the-”

“NO! No, no you dohon’t, Loki, I’m fine. I'm inspired, see?” you said, reaching for the tools to carve your pumpkin.

“Mhmm. That’s what I thought.” He said, victory clear in his voice.

Kissing your forehead, he got up to give you space to work. Sitting at the table nearby he conjured a book to read, though he didn’t read much. He kept himself turned towards you so he could watch you work. Watching you work on your art was always one of his favorite things to do.

After about an hour, you sighed, and turned toward him with your pumpkin. “Loki, what do you think?” You asked, albeit a bit shyly.

He looked up from the book he had been ‘reading’ and looked at the pumpkin. It was actually quite fantastic. You had managed to use a basic jack o lantern face, but make it even more detailed. “I think it's wonderful, love,” he said, setting down his book to help you up off the floor. “Let’s put it with the others, shall we?” he said, and watched as you placed it on the table with the rest of the team’s pumpkins.

Wrapping his arm around you, he asked, “It’s all thanks to my inspiration,right?” unable to resist teasing you just a bit more.

With a groan you pulled away, rolling your eyes dramatically as you left the kitchen, him just a step behind, smiling to himself at how easy it was to tease you.

The next day, you got complimented on your pumpkin too many times to count, and each time Loki would give you a teasing look.

And if he started calling you pumpkin from time to time, well, you wouldn’t mind it toooo much.

[becauseplot]

Still feel is one of my fav fics ever and it made me so happy to see more stuff from this AU! Your post-osnf headcannons are sooo good!! Actually im a big fan of your ordem headcannons in general tbh

If you dont mind sharing more on it...Can you maybe tell us a bit more about your ideas for the effects the symbol left on Thiago? Like, is he still connected to it or to Santo Berço somehow?? I find this consequences stuff really interesting and id be cool to hear more about it

Aw thanks!! I'm glad someone's getting some enjoyment out of my rambles <33

I can go a bit deeper, of course! Warning for the fact that this does get pretty sad and heavy, sorry :(

So Santo Berço really is gone. Equipe E destroyed it. The effects that Thiago is now dealing with are essentially mental scarring: a mix of normal human PTSD with a paranormal "flare" to it. The Symbol has seared itself not just onto his back but onto his mind as well. His dreams of the Symbol are due to trauma and the fact that, just as he suspects, he was never meant to escape it. It is stuck with him now. Anything touched by Death cannot go back to the way it was before, after all.

I kind of like to think about his mental state in terms of Ordem's "sanity" system as well. He recovers plenty of "sanity" while in injury recovery, since he's given time to rest, away from stressors. Eventually, he starts to do work for the Order again, but he quickly learns that he can't handle stressful, paranormal events like he could before (systems-wise, he has a permanent de-buff/disadvantage in the sanity checks) and missions---even the short one he starts out with---just put too much strain on his body. So, he winds up becoming part of the Order's cover-up team, helping fudge official reports and write up those "logical explanations" that Veríssimo sometimes references.

It's a role that's...much easier on him, after everything he went through. He does notice a pattern between his stress and the frequency of the Symbol dreams, so it's much better this way. He will, on rare occasions, help his friends out in the field with intel gathering (perhaps encountering a Horror on the way, which is never fun), and with he gets to serve as a sounding board for Liz's investigations, both her personal ones and the ones she does with the Order.

There are...other effects of the symbol. That he doesn't like to talk about. He's taken a sickly comfort in swirling designs, ever since he woke up in that hospital; back when he dealt with the nightmares on his own, before Liz and the others knew about them, he used to go to bed with reminders to himself ("Your name is Thiago Fritz, you live in São Paulo with Liz, she's in the bedroom upstairs...") written on his arm surrounded by swirls in the hopes they might calm him down enough to think and read it. He ponders his father's pocket watch more than he should, taking solace in the even, steady tick of time moving at the right pace as much as he does watching the second hand go around and around. He finds himself tracing circle after circle after circle with his finger when he's lost in thought or anxious about something...

He finds himself taking comfort in it. The Symbol. The thought makes him feel ill.

Over the months between osnf and opd, his mind slowly starts to deteriorate. Anything touched by Death cannot go back to the way it was before, after all. The frequency of the dreams has always been correlated with his stress and thus fluctuates, but on average they start to get more frequent, and the more intense ones happen more often, and it slowly gets worse, and worse, and worse until---

---he "zones out" one day, thinking of the Symbol. Thirty seconds, nothing much, it must just be on his mind. Then, he starts to fully disconnect from his surroundings, in his own head, pondering the Symbol for a minute or two. The white void starts to creep into his vision sometimes, reality losing meaning and definition, for several minutes at a time. Minutes turn to an hour, two hours, more, if no one is around to pull him out of it.

Thiago, as much as he hates to admit it to himself, is very, very tired. His mind and body are worn out, abused, overused. The thought that he's been living on borrowed time ever since Santo Berço comes more often than he'd like. At the worst of times, he feels like he's orbiting and closing in on some final, finite point. But he'll never tell his friends this because he knows it'll scare them because fuck, it scares him too. (Though, the times where it doesn't scare him are...even worse.)